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broomsick · 1 year

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Sharing a bit of UPG: underrated, lesser known aspects of some of the Gods!

Hi, people! We’ve got some beautiful rain over here, today, and it’ll soon be warm enough for me to plant my garden! How’s everybody doing? Today, I want to write up a fun and laid back post to share with you all a few of my UPG’s concerning some of the norse Gods and their lesser known aspects! Since my posts are often focused on historical practices and beliefs, I thought it’d be fun for me to write a bit about my personal experiences, for today. Without further ado, let me get into it!

A while ago, I was blessed with the opportunity to talk to a fellow pagan about my thoughts on Eir and my experiences with her! I thought to myself some of you might be interested in hearing about this, since I have posted a few prayers to Eir in the past, but I have not gotten into too much detail concerning my worship of her. The reason for this is that since she is a deity whom we unfortunately don’t know much about, I found it quite difficult coming up with a clear, personalized Eir worship. Hence, my work with her ended up being very casual. Some could say, a bit messy! But I do my best! What I mean by “messy” is that I don’t hold specific events in her honor, but I pray to her quite regularly, for good health and the like.

Now, I mostly want to address one aspect of Eir that’s less spoken of, but which I share with other followers: her ties with intellectuality, scholarly practices and the like. She’s often regarded as a Valkyrie, and as such, it’s possible to associate her with Óðinn, making her ties with knowledge all the more prominent. In my experience, praying to her for help with studies is not unheard of, and it’s certainly not a bad idea! The study of medicine is quite complex, and to master such a skill requires much reflection, especially considering that Eir was primarily worshipped during an era when proper medicinal care was harder to access and all the more necessary. Which is why, in my opinion, associating Eir with anything related to research, studies and the like isn’t too much of a reach!

As a Goddess of medicine and health, amongst other things, she’s often described as kindly and compassionate, even gentle. However, though she is very kind, of course, my experience with her is a bit different! In the sense that, she can have quite a serious aura about her. When it comes to medicine, she takes things quite seriously. So when you pray to her for help with healing and the like, she’s kind of like a fussing mother who tells you to take better care of yourself while she’s making you her homemade remedy!

The next deity I’ll be touching on is Njörðr! Lots of historical evidence, as well as little details I have noticed along my spiritual journey have led me to associate him strongly with leadership, and even fatherhood/parenthood. Many of the people I’ve met and who worked closely with him told me his presence felt fatherly and noble, and I have also experienced this feeling, during the few times when I strongly connected with him. While he generally isn’t viewed as some sort of “King of the sea”, especially not when compared to Ægir and his large hall and opulent feasts, I still tend to associate Njörðr with leadership. For one, due to Yngvi-Freyr’s ties to the concept and the many parallels that can be drawn between these two deities. However, a small, seemingly insignificant detail has also made me to see him as a leader figure. It is the fact that he is more often than not depicted holding an oar! The oar is a symbol of the sea, of course, but there’s something else I came to think of. I was reflecting on this once, during adoration, and thought to myself: “He carries the oar because he isn’t one who stands at the prow and gives out orders, he is one who rows along with the other men.” He accompanies us and leads by showing example! Of course, this is just one of my personal interpretations of the symbol of the oar in Njörðr depictions, and there can be many possible explanations to the presence of this symbol. This interpretation is quite emotional and subjective indeed, but it feels right to me, especially given how a handful of other Njörðr followers have shared this thought with me!

Next on my list is kindly Frigg! Something I find to be very unfortunate is that many pagan sources will boil down her domain to one singular concept: family. Sure, she can indeed be associated with marriage, pregnancy, children and the like. But reducing this Goddess to just these things, for the simple reason that she’s a female figure, and the wife of Óðinn is quite crude (I would even say misogynistic, depending on the context) in my eyes. She is a complex deity whose domains of influence are wide, in my experience. For example, one of her aspects that’s quite prominent in the myths is her ties with divination, fate and prophecy. It’s even said that she knows the fate of all but won’t reveal it, and that she’s adept at the divinatory arts. The extreme resemblance between her character and that of Freyja, which has led many scholars to believe they might have been the same deity at some point in time, has made me draw parallels between the two and eventually associate both with magic, or seiðr. I have asked for Frigg to help me improve my tarot and rune casting skills, in the past, and each time, she has delivered! In that sense, she can be viewed as a patron for those who practice witchcraft, divination or other magical arts.

Eir art

#personal #spirituality #upg #deity work #deities #Eir #Njord #Frigg #norse paganism #norse gods #paganism #norse polytheism #heathenry #polytheism #norse mythology

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bowiesnippleantennae · 12 days

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A couple years ago, maybe 3, I don’t remember the exact year, when Israel attacked Gaza and it made national news, that specifically lead up to Oct 7, it was Memorial Day and I was visiting my mom with my sister and my BIL who is Muslim.

My mom’s fiance brought it up and a huge fight erupted. My sister had been learning about the conflict and was very much on the side of Israel is a western imperialistic entity that needs to be stopped. I didn’t know anything about it because my whole life I was told “it was complicated” and I had no reason to look into it more. I just knew a government shouldn’t be killing civilians en masse.

The fight turned into my mom’s fiance standing over my sister and screaming in her face, making her cry. My mom hardly did anything besides some yelling, none of which was anything near “don’t speak to my children like that.” She would just sometimes say he needed to calm down, which he ignored, and then complained about how Fox News was always on and “look what I have to live with, Victoria.” While I sat there in shock.

I kept asking if we could leave because I didn’t drive myself there. And I still wish I had because I would have walked out of the house and not looked back if I had.

This fight went on for hours. I really wish I was exaggerating. They’d calm down every time I’d ask to leave and then he (mom’s fiance) would start up his belligerent screaming. I realized that day that I was going to have to not visit again for a while lol.

Afterwards, I talked with my therapist about it. Which I was already a little nervous about because she is Jewish and has mentioned Birthright and how much fun she had and how much fun her kids had on their trips to Israel. I brought it up anyway, trying to avoid my own opinion on the situation.

My therapist was not only friends with my on Facebook (which I have since learned is Not Okay) but she was also friends with my sister and mom. I figured this would make working through my issues easier because she knows my family and could see for herself how they talk about me and to me.

She ended up saying that my sister’s posts about Israel were upsetting to her. And that the country is really beautiful and there isn’t an apartheid and that she has many Muslim patients and met many Muslims while she was in Africa and no one judged her. Which had nothing. To do with anything.

I left not really feeling better. The only breakthrough I got during that session was that the fight was similar to all the fights I witnessed when I was a kid and that my mom was picking a drunk man over her children. Again.

I also left that session knowing I could never go to my therapist about this specific rift in my family again because she was not going to give me unbiased advice.

Oct 7 happens and I started seeing the massacres, and I start seeing videos of children dead, hanging from apartment buildings that have been blown up by the IDF, masses of people running for their lives, whole neighborhoods being demolished at the same time. The list goes on. So then I start reading about the actual conflict, when did it start, why did it start, who started it. And I start realizing it’s not complicated at all.

My sister and my mom start fighting on Facebook now. My mom’s no husband posts the scariest, most violent Facebook statuses I’ve ever seen. My mom tries to get my sympathy, I try to explain to her that Angela is Muslim, why don’t you care? Why are you even taking a side? Why are you fighting with her? I start explaining to my sister that this is what I’ve always dealt with. How mom is speaking to her is how she’s always spoken to me.

My birthday happens, I’m trying to have a good day, even though many of my birthdays have been bad. I wake up to a voicemail from my mom, saying she KNOWS today must be hard for me (I still don’t know where she got that idea from.) and that she’s praying for me. Something she’s never said to me before. We’re Buddhist, we say “we’re chanting for you” so now I’m like “wtf is going on?” Decide I’m not dealing with that because I wanted to try to have a good day. She texts me around noon telling me I obviously don’t want to speak to her and she’s turning off my phone. So I had to spend the next few days saving my number, finding a new plan, and getting set up with my roommate so I’m not spending more money on a plan than I need to.

I haven’t said much more to her since and I won’t unless she gets help. I can’t be the emotional punching bag for her anymore.

Since then, she has tried to get my dad involved to no avail. He’s on my side, thankfully. And because of him, I found out that my therapist has sent texts I sent to her saying I didn’t want her services anymore to my mom. WHO knows why! And my mom sent them to my dad, who showed me and was like “I don’t know why she sent these to me.”

On Mother’s Day, my uncle texted ONLY ME, asking to text my mom happy Mother’s Day because her heart’s broken. I promise you, that one text will not fix anything. She’d think I was open to communicating and then just get more upset when I never reply again. I asked my sister if he asked her to text mom and she said no.

My family is extremely normal and well adjusted.

Anyway, I haven’t been in a good mood all weekend because of this situation. It keeps replaying over and over again in my head.

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i-write-hurt-not-comfort · 10 months

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My DiaLovers OC - Alina

so i haven’t posted about Alina much because she’s my first OC and i was kinda nervous but i’ve been writing her origin story and my amazing friends in my discord server have been so encouraging, so i feel like i should share her with the world.

Content warnings for mentions of Kou-typical canon themes (CSA, drug use, prostitution etc).

Alina was a child back in Romania when the Mukami’s were in the orphanage. She was a year older than Kou, and was one of the children seen as so beautiful they were sold off as merchandise for aristocrats to make money. Like Kou, she was given nicer clothes and food, and met Kou through this. They were uneducated, couldn’t read/write, and only knew how to get dirty money.

Her and Kou gradually got closer and closer, and Alina was the person who introduced Kou to aurolac (if you haven’t seen my post about aurolac, see: here) and cigarettes. They had a somewhat sexual relationship due to their shared trauma, however, Alina was seen as a bad influence by Ruki and Yuma, so they often tried to stop Kou seeing Alina. Then, the Mukami brothers “died”, and Kou and Alina were pulled apart.

Following the themes in Lost Eden, Alina - as with many of the Romanians who died in the revolution - became a ghoul following death by accidental aurolac overdose, converted by Karlheinz for his “experiment”. She was raised by the ghouls and taught (spoken) Japanese, but continued living in poorer regions of Rotigenberg. She was there when Kino entered the picture and prompted an uprising and dislikes him, but the one good thing Kino did was introduce her to Kou again, who she then seeks out.

You can read about Kou and Alina’s past and re-union more in this fanfic (still have one more chapter left).

This is the only picture I have of Alina from picrew which isn’t art made by my friends. Picrew doesn’t let you add the ghoul’s eyes (black sclera and gold pupils) so just uh. use your imagination.

She's a vulnerable narcissist. On the outside she's very sarcastic and bold, and speaks vulgarly with no filter. But she can also be harsh, outwardly a cunt, easily triggered (aka angered), does things she knows will make people hate her because it's the only way of controlling how people see her. She wants people to be scared of her and that was the only way to survive as a girl in the orphanage. Can't hate someone who everyone already hates, right? That kind of thing. She's willing to do things like ruin families for money, violence, being mean etc, because it's the only way to survive in her mind. She has the same give-and-take mindset as Kou, and is quick to fire up and cool down like him.

On the inside however, she's very soft at heart and cares a huge amount, which is her downfall in some cases. She smokes a lot, Parliament 100s specifically but she's not fussy, and takes pretty much any drugs she can afford or find, though cocaine is her favorite. However, she absolutely cannot stand other people seeing her weak and tends to self-isolate if something is wrong. She also has a complex relationship with religion – Romania was (and still is) a very catholic country and back in the orphanages. Part of her believes in God, but God must hate her; nonetheless, she keeps a rosary from back then hidden.

Even though she's not mean on purpose to people she doesn't have a grudge against, she can come across as blunt or harsh. Weak points include the fact her spoken Japanese isn't Amazing, and the fact she can't read/write which she can be embarrassed by. Since she grew up in poverty, things like TV and films are pretty foreign to her, though she's familiar with Kou's work. She doesn't consider anything taboo or TMI, and dislikes Ruki and Yuma and will talk shit about them to people.

People close to her in a romantic sense risk codependency because she has attachment issues and latches onto people. That's mainly because of her trauma with men, so she needs to have control over the men in her life. Unfamiliar men getting too close sends her into fight or flight mode. However, her female friends are everything (especially Tsumiki check out my friend’s OC, our OC’s are besties lol) because it's someone who likes her despite everything, and she can be quite protective of female friends. She does clash with rich people but can form attachments too.

She's also good with kids, surprisingly. Even though she'd never have kids herself and would immediately have an abortion if she got pregnant, she's only like that because she knows she'd inadvertently traumatize her kid. She wouldn't want the responsibility of a kid and wouldn't be willing to give up drugs and cigarettes. But as a kid she was abandoned by her parents and left to her own devices and look where that got her. The very few ghouls in her village who see her as more than just a drug addicted whore sometimes let her babysit their kids when they're out. Unfortunately, the majority of her village see her in a negative light, which she is also fine because she knows she’s at fault.

uuuuh my ask box is open if anyone is interested more. thank u for ur time invested in my silly little OC.

#diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers OC #my OC #alina tag #tw drugs #i love her #shes a very sammy OC can you tell

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lindszeppelin · 10 months

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Omg Omg Omg. First off, loving all of the anons popping off today. I’ve been sleuthing for a few weeks (more on that below) and was already a fan but today feels like justice.

Second, I especially loved hearing about that tweet about an actress losing roles to Kaia Gerber. Not bc it’s a good thing bc it’s too real!! I’m also in the industry and am likely not up for her roles (slightly different demos but not by much) so I can’t commiserate too personally but I have tea anyway bc boy do I know people who have had the misfortune of dealing with her in one way or another.

-The reason not a ton of tweets like the one mentioned exist is because people who work in the industry have to unplug. Going on Reddit or something to read about show business gossip is not the relaxing time it is for those not in the industry, ya know? And the last thing you wanna see online is some untalented offspring eating at Nobu or shopping in Beverly Hills while having access to roles and directors and more while we go unnoticed in our acting classes and- if we’re lucky- bit parts on shows or landing that tampon commercial 😖. Social media users also cling to their favorites with rabid fever, so why risk getting our experiences gaslit bc some fan thinks we’re “haters” or strangers who lie on the internet. Also, some stuff is too specific to a project and it’s unsafe to spill tea ( either bc it’s too identifying and we can’t burn bridges or bc of contracts stipulations-sometimes you can’t say ANYTHING about a project until it comes out and even posting anonymously isn’t necessarily safe.) That said, with the strikes I think more of us are bored and online more and- speaking for myself- am looovvvving finding content like your blog and some other sources bc it’s validating to see not everyone thinks Kaia Gerber is a great actress all because her mom is famous or whatever. Like we in the industry have issues with her, but when she keeps getting cast in things it messes with our sense of reality ya know?

- I know writers who are FURIOUS at their words being spoken by these nepo “actors.” Writers rarely have power with castings (unless maybe they wrote a movie that they are directing or created the show and are the head writer. And even then there’s sometimes other political stuff at play…it sucks) so it’s heartbreaking to actors when parts go to people who can’t even act like humans. Look, I’m not saying American Horror Story is amazing and hasn’t gone downhill, but it started fine until they kept doing stunt casting and jumping ship! (Again, writers only have so much power. They take the jobs they land, but the show runner decides where the plots and themes of a season are coming from. Meaning many talented writers write for bad projects bc they a) have to take a job and b) can only do so much depending on what’s outlined for the season- if that makes sense.) Hollywood is brutal but seeing some famous spawn phone in the work and bastardize their words and plots is just the sour cherry on top. Every writer I know HATES, nay RESENTS Kaia Gerber the most out of alllllll the little nepo babies bc of how truly awful she is. If they ever get to rise up in the ranks and get more power (like becoming a show runner), they all hope to have enough power to blacklist that sorry excuse for an “actress” from their projects as revenge. And frankly, best of luck to them and I hope they succeed.

- Kaia is also not exactly as warm and friendly to everyone on sets unless you’re, you know, Laura Dern or of some importance to whatever the project is. She’s not a bitch throwing cell phones but she does not give a fuck about anyone not in power…and it shows. I sadly know a few people who had the misfortune of working with her and she was not interested in having real talks with anyone not important. Multiple sources from multiple projects have told me that. Only unkind people act that way bc they can’t keep up a facade when under the stress of filming. And I’m not talking one or day off days…consistently uninterested in anyone who does not have power. Many people more famous than her treat everyone the same on sets…just saying. People need to stop assuming she’s nice bc she what, doesn’t act like a total brat on red carpets? Everyone can act nice when there’s a camera around, c’mon people. What you see in interviews is not reality!

- Responding to another anon, sure Austin should join the strike pickets. He doesn’t have to post on social media but others would do it for him and it would show support, even if it’s a touch performative so many week in. (I know this is an Austin safe space so I’ll refrain on saying more.) That said, I’ve picketed a bunch and have yet to see a celebrity. Most days it’s the actors and writers who are not famous striking, but when famous ones show up it makes the news and genuinely helps with morale. Yes, of course sometimes they show up but not even close to as much as the little people do. I wish more famous people would, but when the nepos don’t…it’s even more insulting. They literally bought their way into much of their success (even if bribes don’t happen for roles c’mon, do you know how expensive a publicist is? We know all about the nepos before they hit the catwalk or land their first role bc they hire people to do PR, which gives them an even bigger leg up in addition to the connections they already have). These nepos do not care they are out of work bc they have other things they can do and still have financial security. It’s just insulting. And I think the original anon was speaking to Kaia mysteriously making news for walking her dog when she has a movie coming out she can’t promote. I’m not sure but I don’t think Austin has any movies for a moment so it’s not as egregious that he isn’t doing that this week ( unless I’m missing something, which I may be bc I don’t follow him much). The least these nepos could do is support the little people who are actually impacted by the strike. It’s proving how little they care about the industry and how unaware they are or how hard it is (we’re striking because we’re not being paid enough!) One social media post is a joke- especially since she was on one of the few projects that got an exemption!! She can’t act, she gets to act in the strike anyway (with exceptional people, btw), and then goes to Nobu instead of the picket lines? Please. That’s how I read the original anon at least (and loved their support so thanks if you see this!) and I don’t care for the second anon picking a weird fight about it. If Austin has struck work then fine, they’re right, but if not it’s not the same thing- at least not at this moment.

TL;DR- Thanks for all of the posts today. It was a good and validating read after a hard summer. Keep sharing why Kaia needs to be canceled! I don’t even believe in cancel culture and think it rarely sticks, but I’m willing to make an exception for Cindy’s entitled spawn who brings absolutely nothing but headaches all around. If nothing else, let’s encourage her to go back to school if she’s so “scholarly” with…is it romance reads in her book club? I genuinely don’t understand it and don’t want to but geez, that girl needs perspective outside of Hollywood for a few years and I hope she gets it somewhere (school or otherwise) bc that’s genuinely the best thing that can happen to her. I pray for the day she stops getting cast and my friends do instead.

omfg anon, whoever you are, i love you endlessly and i honestly don't have any words. this post should be sent around to the ENTIRE FANDOM because some people need to wake up.

am i shocked that people in the industry are fed up with kaia? absolutely not. i have read a couple of small blind items in the past that have mentioned her bitchy behavior. and while there weren't many of these accounts coming forward, it was those in the whole pile of good publicity surrounding her that always stood out to me more. it's so easy to fake being nice when you want to rub elbows with important people to get a foothold in the acting door.

im also so incredibly sorry that you and your fellow actor peers are even going through this strike right now. it's horrific and it should never have happened. it's the little people that already struggled to get jobs in the first place to get by that worry me more than some A list celeb that can't work on another movie but can chill in their nice house until the strike ends.

people that have creative type jobs and that work for their passions are always getting shafted by society. we shouldn't have to suffer because we don't want the typical corporate career. too many actors work their asses off to go to 100 auditions and are lucky to book maybe one thing in a blue moon while working day jobs at cafes or something. im sure it can feel depressing and degrading. you guys just want your big break, and to pay the bills while working your dream job. and im sorry that people like kaia gerber steals the work from right under your feet without a second thought. AND she butchers the roles she in, making the whole thing a farce.

im so glad you decided to come over here and talk about your experiences. honestly i hope more of your actor and writer friends speak out about the injustices. if you don't have a blog of your own i'd suggest making one now to document your feelings. who knows, it might get around and in the right hands of people to promote it ona grander scale. the regular media is barely covering the strike as it stands. we need to see that you guys are continually being shafted left and right.

and hey, i hope that more A List celebs picket with you guys on the front lines. it helps to make the headlines. thank you again for your commentary <3

#lindsay's anon asks

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piqued-curiosity · 2 years

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“Your implication that lesbians are paranoid and delusional and just hating on bi women by making things up is what I was talking about.” See this is the problem. Because in this scenario… it WAS people making things up! This situation was nothing to do with bi women and was blamed on us. But when we say this we’re told we’re calling lesbians “paranoid and delusional”? I never once said that bi women can’t be horrible to lesbians. Of course they can. Why would I deny that? Any group can be horrible to any other group, and I’ve certainly seen examples of bi women being lesbophobic.

My POINT is that this is a ridiculous thing to bring up in this situation. Like imagine if some man did something horrible, fantasised about abusing his partner or something. And then someone said “lesbians do better”. And you rightfully went, hang on, what has this got to do with us? Wouldn’t you also be annoyed if the response you got was “yeah sure this particular situation wasn’t anything to do with you but I’ve seen lesbians be abusive partners!! Lesbians can be abusive and they should be called out and they’re always so sensitive when you tell them this! If this situation HAD been a lesbians fault I bet you wouldn’t have taken the criticism!” Isn’t that an insane way to behave?

Like wtf lmao. You can’t say “yeah ok that’s fair this wasn’t your fault. But bi women actually are awful a lot of the time and you’re all whiny bitches when called out”. Do you not understand why people are annoyed about that? And this “well I feel like I’ve seen posts similar to these before and I think they could’ve been bi women so I’m justified in saying this” is so ridiculous. Put your criticism under posts where bi women ACTUALLY verifiably did something wrong! I’m sure there is, in existence, a bi woman who has fantasised about something like that. It’s STILL not relevant for you to bring that up in this situation where a MAN did it!

OBVIOUSLY bi women can treat lesbians badly. Literally nobody said they couldn’t or denied that, and yet somehow this turned into people going “bi women ARE abusive sometimes though!!” And not understanding why that’s a completely irrelevant comment to this situation. “Sorry bi ladies, this was a man, not you”. Would’ve been fine on it’s own. But you had to finish with “But SOME bi women are EVIL and you all are not ready to hear it!!! REPENT!!!” Ok??

“What I was saying was that if ms-revived-frogs had said the same thing on a post by a bi woman, I’m not sure that she’d have received 100% positive feedback.” Why is this relevant? “Ok you didn’t do this, but if a bi woman HAD done it you’d be defending it!!” No I wouldn’t? I would think that was awful. This is such a weird stretch for you to make. “Well I’m just wondering… if it WAS a situation where blah blah happened” 🙄

A lot of the time when this sort of discourse comes up it really does feel like it’s any excuse to start shitting on bi women. And lesbians get a hell of a lot of shit (some of it from bi women, yes!) and that deserves to be spoken about. But this is not that. This sort of thing is literally just that you feel it’s acceptable to scold bi women like naughty children because you think you’re in a position to do so. Radblr has made it completely and utterly taboo and unacceptable for bi women to ever disagree with anything a lesbian says about us. (And I recognise this is online-specific in many cases). There’s some sort of pretence that bi women will lose it and can’t take any sort of criticism despite the metric ton of awful things I see said about bi women on this site daily. And because we’re more privileged than lesbians or whatever we can’t defend ourselves or we’re being an example of that whiny out of touch bi woman. I’m sure you see the opposite, I’m sure we’re both biased. But it really sometimes feels like smug bullying instead of actual criticism aimed at members of the community who have ACTUALLY DONE SOMETHING WRONG.

I’m sure this will be used as an example of me overreacting or whatever. Being a crazy hysterical bi woman. But I’m sick of seeing shit like this. It’s not just this one thing. A man doing something disgusting and radblr going “how dare you bi women! Say sorry” is the EPITOME of how we are treated.

After thinking about it I do actually agree that my comment was misplaced. So I apologise for that. That’s all I’m going to say except for comment on your claim that nobody denies that bi women can treat lesbians badly; because people do deny that all the time. Or at least just refuse to acknowledge it. Which is why this is such a sensitive topic for me, and I agree that clouded my judgement.

#asks #anon

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ghostsandmirrors · 2 years

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Offering up my URL

Send me your URL and I’ll tell you...

i’m doing this now instead of waiting because i’ll just forget about it and end up deleting it if i don’t. this does mean this isn’t as fleshed out as it could be, though. tl;dr: i know nothing, but take a 👍

... My Opinion on; Character in general: at time of writing, there’s no about page and i can’t find anything similar. based on your pinned post, i’d say he seems interesting, but i don’t have enough information to form an actual opinion. first impressions are good, though!

How they play them: seems good? you are generally good at writing werewolf/wolf shifter characters, based on cas, but i can’t say how you play this character or make references to specific things i like that encorporate his personality or suit him because i don’t... know him.

The Mun: you seem like a good person? we haven’t spoken besides when we first followed each other, but i haven’t seen anything bad so i’m going to assume you’re great.

Do I: RP with them: no.

Want to RP with them: i’m definitely interested in rping with you once i can look into nelvi more.

What is my; Overall Opinion: generally i’ve enjoyed following you and i’m looking forward to how this character goes in terms of creation and threads. i think there’s potential for interesting things to come. also people should follow you.

#ooc #ooc!ask #ooc!answer #luposcanius #l o n g b o i #should i have probably waited longer? yes #but this is better answered than if i'd answered yesterday so we're taking the wins where we can

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notbigondoors · 2 years

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no but when you said your head is killing you I felt that, I get headaches in summer and whenever I ask others they say it happens to them as well. hope you feel better soon! and about vision, sometimes when your muse is low you should just let it be. it happens. what you can do is focus on the muses you do have muse for because at least then you won't be forcing stuff out, you know? writing them is supposed to be fun.

{out of equations} Honestly, it may be the summer weather. It's been ridiculously hot here for weeks with almost no rain at all, so not only the heat but I have allergies. Rain filters the crap out of the air, so when it doesn't rain in a while, all the pollen, mold spores, dust, etc. stays in the air. So this may be a combination heat and sinus headache. Oh joy, heh. -_-

Yeah... honestly, I'd like to put Vision on hiatus for a while, but I just can't bring myself to, heh. The affection and dedication are still there even if my muse to write him is pretty low. I always am afraid that if I go on hiatus I'll never come back, because it's happened with other muses before. I'm not ready to do that to poor Vis yet.

But I do get what you're saying. I have muses that I would love to write but I just don't have the time and they're not really on my rp schedule so they get passed up a lot. I need like 8-10 days on my schedule to comfortably spread out all my muses/blogs so that I can time manage without my fun hobby turning into a work obligation, heh... and sadly there are only 7 days in a week. I've been thinking for a while about how to adjust my schedule so I can actually schedule days for muses like Luther, Basch, and Vincent instead of leaving them in the free-floating "whenever" category. I keep thinking I might take a day away from Wanda, but I have a lot of muse for her right now. My multimuse has two days but I have a lot of muses there so I feel I need the time. I could give them Thursdays, but that's my only day off where nothing's scheduled and I feel that break time is important. *sigh* I'll figure it out eventually.

I'll keep trying with Vision for a bit longer, and maybe I'll combine him with someone else I have low muse for at the moment, like Pietro, to recover a day on the schedule for other muses. There's an idea. That way I can write one or the other according to where my muse is at.

In the meantime, I'll leave a "If you like Vision, you'll also like..." muse list for people who want more of muses like Vision while they're waiting for me to get my crap together, heh. All of these I have a lot of muse for at the moment. Blogs are listed, but click on their names for more specific info about them, below the cut.

Other Paul Bettany characters:

@thenexusofsouls, Michael and Ivan

Other strong, protective, gentle, soft-spoken characters who are surprisingly dangerous, like Vision (and have MCU verses):

@armed-and-alxne, Luther (Ugh I need to make an info post and directory for him, his blog is older and I’ve improved my navigation a lot since then. There are pages on his blog but I know you can’t view them on mobile. You can ask me anything you want about him in the meantime and maybe that should be a project for later this week, to get his navigation overhauled...)

@tarnishedxknight, Basch

Everything in the previous category plus also extremely erudite and a unique, OOAK being, like Vision (and has a MCU verse):

@nightacquainted, Vincent

There you go, heh. If you’d like to read/rp with more characters who are like Vision in some way or have PB as an FC, those are my best suggestions from my other blogs. But hopefully Vision isn’t going anywhere, I just need to inject some new life into my muse... and get this headache to go away. XD

#{ out of equations } ᵒᵒᶜ

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tenisperfection · 2 years

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This is based on @yramesoruniverse’s brilliant post, and I promised to write an essay based on everything I’ve been thinking about Buck in 5A regarding his relationship. This is more a collection of rambling thoughts than an essay, but the main question I’ve been having about Buck and specifically his relationship with Taylor is one several others have echoed: where is all the fun in Buck’s relationship?

I get that Buck’s going through it right now. Maddie and Chimney and Jee-Yun aren’t near him. Eddie’s being weird, to quote Buck. They showed us snippets of Buck and Taylor’s relationship for the first half of 5A, where the general theme was loneliness. Buck comes home to an empty apartment. Taylor is busy with work when they’re together. Even the scenes in 5x05 where Buck confides in Taylor about how the 118 might blame him for Chim being gone, Taylor’s advice doesn’t do anything to calm Buck down, and then they showed us those pre-packaged sad breakfast scene where Buck and Taylor hug and we see his smile dropping.

The second half of 5a definitely had more substantial scenes, but the general themes are: indifference on the part of Buck when Taylor is trying to solve the case in 5x07, casual acceptance in 5x09 when Buck thinks Taylor is going to break up with him, and then the whole Past is prologue of it all with Buck chasing after Taylor, finally ending with the I love you scene, which I can’t think about any further without spiraling about Buck saying it because he thinks it’s what he’s supposed to feel when someone finally tells him they love him. “Good.” You know what that reminds me of? Eddie’s “It’s all good” in 5x03 right before he breaks up with Ana. More parallels between these two relationships, where things might be perfect on paper but that doesn’t translate to what you’re feeling and it certainly doesn’t translate to love. And then we get 5x10, where Buck gives Taylor a panic button as a gift, which I maintain is the worst gift ever as it’s the literal opposite of “Get her something that shows how well you know her.”

So back to the fun of it all, or the lack thereof. To paraphrase, I know Tim says he can’t write happy relationships, but while every major relationship on 911 has its fair share of drama, you always see them also have fun! Hen and Karen, Chim and Maddie, Athena and Bobby, it’s extremely obvious that they’re in love and that they like each other and have fun together. Now, relationships don’t have to follow a certain trajectory to be successful, but enjoying time spent with your partner is usually a good thing! In ten episodes of Buck and Taylor being a couple, I don’t remember a single scene or mention of them actually enjoying the time they spend with each other. There isn’t even any mention of familiarity, not like they make a point to do with Buck and Eddie. No “Taylor feels this way about this thing” or “Taylor loves that” or anything. In comparison, just in this season we got “He takes Christopher to the zoo all the time. Got the place memorized” and “I know you watch (telenovelas) with Chris”.

These are deliberate choices, and I don’t believe that Tim’s fondness for creating conflict between couples needs to be mutually exclusive with showing that two people who are supposedly in love like each other. We also know this is not how Buck is in relationships with people he loves: he wouldn’t shut up about Abby when he was dating her, and everything about him screamed how much he loves her whenever he talked about her. We see him have fun with Ali, and there seemed to be genuine affection there the little we saw of them. The times he’s spoken about Taylor to others have had him sound so indifferent that I’m sometimes shocked at how blatant they are about how this is not a working relationship. Even Bobby’s advice to Buck in 5x09 is resigned and not really advice (”you jump into these things with no idea how you got there”). Bobby’s face when Buck and Taylor separately ask him for advice on what to get each other for a Christmas present is amused, and my head canon is that he’s thinking “So you two really don’t know each other at all.”

I also think this whole relationship is interesting given the context of Tim’s recent comments about how a central theme of his writing is people reuniting and going back to the people they belong with. He used the lawsuit era and then Chris and Buck in the tsunami as an example. Now you can argue that he keeps creating conflict in Buck and Taylor’s relationship (huge wrench coming up soon, remember?) in order to strengthen their relationship. But you can’t build on a virtually non-existent base. In order for stories about people finding their way back home to feel fulfilling, you need to show that there’s a lot worth losing if they don’t make it back home. I can easily see this with every other relationship on the show because the show has explored why these characters belong together. Instead, when faced with the loss of Taylor, Buck seems very casual and frankly not all that bothered by it. I know a lot of people think this is shoving the relationship down our throats, but I think this is very deliberate long form storytelling.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this except that I think it’s very telling that Buck’s first relationship where someone told him they love him is also one where he’s shown to be lonely, isolated, and just a shell of his former, fun self at times. Again, I reiterate that he’s going through a lot. But life doesn’t occur in vacuums of complete sadness or happiness. They could’ve easily mad that last scene in 5x09 be a genuine exchange of I love yous and even imbued some sense of Buck finding solace in this relationship even when other aspects of his life are in turmoil. But I can’t look at this Buck who finally got what he wanted from a relationship and say that he’s happy. The fleeting moments of true, unfiltered happiness we’ve seen from Buck so far this season have all been around Eddie or Chris, and sometimes with someone else on the 118. So the question Buck posed in Stuck—which is a general theme of his overall arc— still remains unanswered: How long do I have to wait before I get to be happy too?

I think it’s soon. I also think Buck’s character arc this season fits in very well with the fractured and disjointed nature of 5A. Everyone’s lives are in disarray and they aren’t where they are supposed to be, but they’ll eventually find their way home. I think that’s where 5B is going to go.

#long meta #5a meta #anti bucktaylor #buddie #not really but jic #evan buckley #this has been sitting half formed in my drafts for days lol so i finally wrote out my rambling thoughts #911 fox

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stonedregulus · 2 years

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I didn’t get to read Sophie’s fic before she took it down. Was it really *that* bad?

So, yes. It was really that bad.

This is the only post I’m going to make about this because I’m having an extremely hard time talking about it. But I think it’s important that everyone learns from this.

First of all, you should never EVER be sending su*cide baits or death threats to people. No matter what they’ve done. It’s absolutely disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself if you did. Not only is it just completely wrong, when something like this has happened and people are trying to have a calm discussion about why it wasn’t okay, you coming in screaming threats and baits just make the person get defensive and turn off their ears. They’re no longer listening to well thought out arguments, there’s no way anyone is going to be able to change their mind about what they did because you’re just screaming hate. It’s not alright. It doesn’t help anything, it just makes everything worse. If you cannot think of anything else in a situation except “I hate them so much they should die for what they did” then you need to take a deep breath and step back and only approach the situation again when you can have a calm discussion.

I’ve spoken to several people who are trans, nonbinary, and genderfluid in my DMs who came to me either in a panic or to check on me, and we all felt very much the same about this: extremely dysphoric after reading it. Not just that but we felt physically ill. Personally I thought I was going to vomit and my heart rate spiked out of nowhere because it stressed me out so badly (and I didn’t even fully read it, I only skimmed). We’re all feeling kind of like empty shells right now, that’s the best way I can describe it. Like this fucked us up.

You guys know how I feel about setting things down and walking away from them if it will trigger you: don’t like it, don’t read it. However, it was not tagged correctly to begin with and there’s still a few bigger issues at play here.

I have a major asylum/mental hospital squick, which is why I didn’t read it fully. That’s on me—that’s no one else’s problem, so I’m not upset about that.

Here’s where the real issues start though: it was specifically written for me. I am a trans man who has repeatedly told the author that I am frequently misgendered and dead named by my family and that I have a lot of dysphoria.

The last and most important issue with the fic, was that, while yes it was set in the 1800s and this was something that happened back then and how trans people were actually treated, this is not something that we can just look at under the scope of “oh it happened a long time ago”. What I mean by that is there are many, MANY people who think transness is an illness—they think transgender people are mentally ill, and given the chance they would do exactly what was happening in this fic. I know we all live in this really fun fandom bubble on tumblr where nothing can hurt us and everyone accepts each other for their gender identity, but this isn’t the real world. Trans people are persecuted, and not trusted by a large number of cis people. In the real world, not being cis is a really fucking scary, and while that is absolutely bullshit and wrong on so many levels, it’s reality! This is our lives. It��s not a joke or a game. What happened in this fic, maybe doesn’t happen exactly like that now, but lgbtq conversation therapy camps exist. And it could happen to us if the wrong people are elected and pass bills that they want to pass. So saying “oh it was a long time ago” is a fucking shitty excuse.

A brief description of the fic:

TW: transphobia, forced outing, asylum/mental hospital, treating transness as a mental illness, medical treatment against someone’s will, conversion therapy-esque situation

Regulus is outed as ftm as he’s having sex with James and someone walks in on them. He’s taken against his will, misgendered, and treated for being transgender with an experimental procedure.

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matan4il · 2 years

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Hi I dont know what to do with this info so sorry to dump this on you, but. Anita Mills “shot herself last August” at the same time that the Taliban took over much of Afghanistan in 2021, including Bagram which is where Eddie served at least part of one of his tours.

And maybe it’s just bc I’ve worked with so many 20somthing yo disillusioned army vets but I’m having so many thoughts re: Eddie’s breakdown triggering specifically from reaching out to his old unit, because he spent years in the desert with these people and probably transported injured personnel in and out of the Valley of Death for years and he saw so much as a medic and they all were shot down in the Valley of Death and even though he saved them, they’re all dead now and his “Do you ever think maybe it’s not worth it” as a firefighter yeah, but also as a former soldier seeing the pointlessness of so much suffering, is just punching me rights in the feels and I don’t know if this is coherent at all but I’ve certainly thought about Eddie Breakdown for like 36hrs straight at this point sooo

This is a wonderful submission by @hearteyesdiaz! Thank you so much for sending this in, my darling. It hits especially close to home because I too served (as I mentioned, service is mandatory here) and I don’t even wanna talk about how much survivor’s guilt is a real thing. So before anything else, I just wanna take a second and thank you for your work and what you do for veterans. You’re a real hero too, I hope you know that! *HUGS*

And yes, it’s clear Eddie went into firefighting as a continuation of his mission to save lives even after returning to civilian life, so whatever influences his perception of one thing, impacts the other as well. I said in my meta posts for 513 and 514 that I believe saving lives matters even if people then pass away after a shorter period of time than we would have hoped for. In fact, even if you keep them alive for just 5 minutes more, I think it matters. For families to know that someone did everything in their power to save their loved one, even if those attempts were ultimately unsuccessful, I’ve seen how it makes a difference. But survivor’s guilt isn’t about those things, is it? It’s not about anything logical, and Frank kind of scraped the surface on that one when he managed to show Eddie that he was doing his job, saving Greggs, when they were ambushed. Survivor’s guilt isn’t about what you reasonably could or could not do, it’s about the knowledge that you knew such incredibly good people, and they’re gone and you’re not, and it just doesn’t make sense either.

I could also talk about my Holocaust survivor grandparents and their survivor’s guilt. They were so young and defenseless when the Nazis and their collaborators came for their families and communities, there really was nothing they could have done. And I’m sure my grandma, for example, could have spoken to her brother who was murdered, he would have told her he’s so happy she survived, that anyone from their family did, ‘coz so many families, entire Jewish communities, were wiped out in the Holocaust. But I don’t think that mattered. On some level, she just loved him so much and he was the best person she knew, she looked up to him, and she was simply never over his murder or could process how the world could go on after that as if nothing had fundamentally broken in the universe. I’ll never forget the moments I would see her crying at a family birthday or wedding for our family members who should have been there to celebrate with us and didn’t get to, or the nights when I stumbled across her sitting silent in our darkened living room, staring at nothing, quietly dwelling amongst her ghosts.

We can’t change that, but we can try and bring good out of that. My great uncle might have been murdered, but I tell my family’s story as a part of my job at our museum, meant to help educate people against hatred, violence and intolerance towards people just because they’re different. And one group that happened to come and hear me? It resulted in his name being read at a ceremony in our parliament on that year’s Holocaust Memorial Day. IDK, it’s not a universal answer to survivor’s guilt, but it’s mine.

Thank you for sharing and for allowing me to babble on! I’m glad that if we can’t stop thinking about this, we can at least do it together. Lots of love to you, hon! xoxox

(I got an influx of asks, I WILL answer all of them, but it might take a sec. If anyone wants to check whether I've already answered theirs or to read my replies, here's my ask tag. Thank you! xoxox)

#submission #buddie #911meta #buddie meta #911 meta #9-1-1 #evan buck buckley #evan buckley #eddie diaz #edmundo diaz #ask #hearteyesdiaz #personal #holocaust #911onabc #911 on abc #911abc #911 abc

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thefanficmonster · 4 years

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What's It To You?

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary: To some people, relationship labels aren’t important. To some they aren’t important only in theory. Well, Y/N finds out she falls in the later category, leading to a falling out with her boyfriend Corpse.

Requested by Anon. You’ll know who you are when you read the fic 😉 Thank you for the ‘angsty argument’ request. I hope I captured what you had in mind and I hope you enjoy the read. Love, Vy 🥰

The time is nearing 7PM and Corpse has barely eaten anything. I always keep track of his meals and time spent in front of a computer screen, making sure he doesn’t spend too much time exhausting his eyes or starving himself. He never notices he’s hungry until he takes a bite of something and his appetite grows in matter of seconds. The real battle is to get him to take that first bite.

I get up from the couch, walking into the kitchen. I open the fridge, scanning its contents for any ideas that might pop into my head for dinner. When nothing comes to mind, I resort to my last option - asking him. There’s only a slight chance he’ll be of any help. He’ll most likely say he’s not hungry or that he’ll make himself something late. He never does. I’ve gotten used to him being a man-child when it comes to eating. In the eleven months that we’ve been dating, I’ve force fed him more times than he has eaten on his own terms.

I go upstairs, stopping outside the door to his recording room to see if he’s talking to someone so I don’t walk in and interrupt. When no noises come from the inside I knock.

“Come in.“

Upon opening the door, I’m met with Corpse nonchalantly sitting in his desk chair, leaning as back as he can without tipping over. Arms folded behind his head, legs stretched out in front of him. The whole nine yards, suggesting that he not streaming.

“Hey.“ He greets me as he turns his chair a bit in an attempt to face me

“Hey, what’d you like for dinner?“ He opens his mouth to reply the millisecond after I have spoken my question. I already know what that reply will be so I hurry to prevent it, “And no, ‘later’ and ‘I’m not hungry’ aren’t on the menu.“

He sighs, shaking his head as though he’s disappointed that I caught onto his game. The smile that slowly makes its way to his lips, however, suggests that he appreciates my concern. “Grilled cheese sandwiches? I mean, if you feel like it.”

I smile, relieved that the usual convincing portion of our interaction on this specific matter has been avoided. “Ok. Be down in fifteen then.” I give him a nod before heading back out into the hallway.

Before I am able to close the door, I hear someone else’s voice come from behind me. “Hey Corpse, was that on your end?”

Oh shit, he wasn’t muted

“Yeah man, sorry. Accidentally unmuted myself.“ Corpse sounds unbothered by this, but I am a little uneasy now.

Corpse and I have agreed to keep our relationship by a ‘won’t ask, won’t tell’ rule - if someone asks him if he’s in a relationship, he won’t lie and say no, but we haven’t gone public nor do we plan on doing so without someone asking us about it head-on. Well, not us. Him. His friends don’t know me and neither do his fans. I’m not in the same industry. I don’t stream nor film YouTube videos. The most I do for that platform is help Corpse with some editing when he needs to have a rest. So, if anyone were to reveal our relationship, it’d be him.

“Oooh, who was that?“ A girl’s voice asks teasingly. “Corpse, what are you not telling us?“

By this point, I’m out in the hall but I left my ears in the room. I know I’m not in the right here - eavesdropping is most definitely not nice, but I can’t help myself.

I hear him chuckle, “Nah, it’s just my friend Y/N.”

My heart drops so suddenly for a reason beyond my understanding. I feel like a kid feels when it’s told Santa isn’t real - I can’t believe what I heard.

I hurry to get back downstairs as soon as possible and also as quietly as I can. It’s tough, running with a pit in your stomach and a knot of I’m pretty sure is tears in your throat. When I’m finally in the kitchen, the aforementioned tears are blurring my vision. I try to blink them away but accidentally send one of them trickling down my cheek.

I’m aware this might be an overreaction and if I stopped to think I could probably find ways to justify what Corpse said. But I’m genuinely hurt, and I hate that I am.

I’ve never cared about what others know about me or think of me. Same goes for my relationships. I don’t put labels on things nor on my connection to people. I am surprised and disturbed by how much the label ‘friends’ bothers me. We’ve been dating for almost a year now, you’d think calling me his girlfriend would be second nature. Guess not.

I swallow the hurt and surprise, deciding to keep myself busy with the preparations for the dinner I was planning to make. However, keeping my hands full and giving my eyes a place to look doesn’t stop my thoughts from eating away at me.

* * *

Twenty minutes later the sound of a door opening echoes from upstairs, followed by the sound of footsteps going through the hallway and then down the stairs.

“It smells so good in here.“ He comments, his eyebrows raising when he takes in the freshly made sandwiches on the kitchen island. “You’re the best, Y/N.“

“Hmm, aren’t you lucky you have a friend who knows their way around the kitchen, huh?“ I reply sharply, not even sparing him a glance.

In the twenty minutes I was left alone with my wilding thoughts I declared that I wouldn’t beat around bush when he comes downstairs. That I would address the issue and tell him exactly how I feel about it. What I didn’t plan was being so harsh. I actually barely contain a wince when I realize how sharp of an edge my words had.

I feel ten times more guilty when I see the regret that flashes on his face, “You heard that.” He grips the edges of the table, leaning down and letting out a sigh, “I’m sorry, I panicked.”

The anger in me evaporates, leaving room for the hurt to keep spreading and take over me. I was never really angry with him, I’m just upset by the fact that his immediate reaction wasn’t to refer to me as his girlfriend.

“Why would you panic? What’s it to you if they know?“ My voice is barely above a whisper now, the tears I’m fighting back are clogging my throat, not allowing me to sound as clearly as I’d like.

“What’s it to you? I thought you didn’t care.“ He argues back, his gaze travelling from the tabletop to my eyes. I see the guilt in all his features and his body language.

“I thought so too.“ I shake my head, “But hearing you call me a ‘friend’...’just a friend’ stings. I don’t even know why, but it does. It feels almost like you are embarrassed of me. If that’s the case you can just tell me, you know?“

In a blink of an eye he’s crouched down in front of me, one hand holding both of mine while the other cups my cheek. “It’s not. It has never been and it will never be the case. You are one amazing person, Y/N. You deserve the world, not to be stuck with me. I’m just...” He trails off, his eyes not able to focus on mine any longer, “I’m scared of how people knowing about us will affect our relationship.”

My blood starts boiling again. I know I need to get away from him before I reach the point of saying something that’ll hurt him, so I untangle my hands from his grasp, pulling away from him. “Weak excuse, Corpse. You know it will change nothing except make me feel more included in your life. I will no longer feel like I’m a house rat no one knows about.” I stand up, unable to look at him, and start heading for the staircase.

“Y/N, please! ”I stop dead in my tracks when he calls out my name, his footsteps following behind me. “Don’t be...-”

I turn around, cutting him off in the process, “I need to be alone right now.” I tilt my head in the direction of the dining table, “Sit down and eat dinner. We’ll talk...later.”

* * *

Now that it’s been almost twelve hours with no contact between us I realize that my reaction was justified only to a certain extent. I understand his concerns and I could’ve expressed mine a little more calmly and in a lot less accusatory manner. But what happened happened and all I can do now is go over to him and apologize, establish a proper communication to resolve the issue that I so stupidly blew out of proportion.

My phone died sometime during the night and has been sitting on the charger but still turned off for a while. I go over to it and press-hold the start button. While it’s powering up I start changing my from my pajamas into my regular clothes, noticing a small stain on my shirt in the process. As I’m examining the stain, my phone starts going crazy with notifications, causing me to jump and drop my shirt.

“Fucking hell.” I mumble, disconnecting my phone from the charger and looking at the huge list of notifications on my lock screen. They are all alerts of new followers, likes and tags, non from people I know. Non except one.

@ corpse_husband tagged you in a post

Wait what?

I tap the notification which leads me to a picture Corpse posted two hours ago. It’s a picture of me taken in the living room without my knowledge. I’m an oversized sweater and yoga pants, my hair in a messy braid and my attention caught by the book in my hands. My glasses have slipped a bit down my nose, suggesting that I’m too concentrated on the contents of the pages in front of me that I haven’t noticed.

We started off as friends but it didn’t take long for her to become my best friend. And then she stole my heart. I know you’ll read this eventually, Y/N. So...hi. Love you.

PS - the sandwiches were bomb 🖤

I’m more than caught off guard. Like a surprise hug from behind, warmth spreading all throughout my body.

Without a second of hesitation I put my phone down and run to the bedroom door. However, I don’t make it very far considering I nearly run straight into Corpse’s chest as I exit the room. He catches me before I knock him straight to the ground, thankfully.

“Aren’t you a rocket this morning. Where are you headed?“ He chuckles, holding onto my upper arms.

One look at his smile, a single word out of his mouth and I’m melting. I walk straight into him, wrapping my arms around his torso, hiding my face in his chest. He comfortably rests his chin on the top of my head, not asking any further questions until I finally answer.

“Right here. I was heading for you.“ I whisper before I pull away enough to be able to look him in the eyes. “I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I was being childish and overdramatic and I’m sorry about all I said. I was really upset.“

“It’s ok, baby. I’m sorry for making you upset in the first place. I understand now how much it means to you.“ He caresses my cheekbone with the back of his hand. “I...um...tried to make things right by...“

I push up on my toes, pressing my lips against his, putting an end to his timid stuttering. “I saw it.” I mumble in the kiss.

“Did you like it?“

“I loved it.“

“Did you read the comments?“

My heart skips a beat when I hear that dreaded term. Just the thought of reading through the comments terrifies me. I tell myself that some strangers’ words aren’t gonna have an impact on me, but I know they will. Especially since these ‘strangers’ mean so much to Corpse.

I shake my head. He pulls away, taking my hand and leading me towards the living room. “You have to. You’re gonna love them.”

I reluctantly follow him, plopping down on the couch next to him as he pulls out his phone and scrolls through the comment section of the picture he posted. He was right. All these people have said such things about me and about our relationship. Some verified names are also there, sharing their support much like the fans.

“See, this is why I was nervous. I’ll have to do duels for your attention now.“ He glances at me, leaning in and kissing my temple as he sometimes does so impulsively.

“You don’t do duels when you are already sitting at the throne. Right next to me.“ I once again capture his lips with mine, tempted to never pull away, but also tempted to keep reading the comments.

Damn, he might be right about the duels.

He takes his phone from me setting it aside as he slowly lifts me and settles me in his lap, never letting our lips detach.

Nevermind. Fuck the duels

@susceptible-but-siriusexual @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @hacker-ghost @itsminniekat @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze

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misnomera · 4 years

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On racial stereotyping of the Haans in TMA...

Right so as someone who is ethnically Chinese I have NO FUCKING clue how I didn’t notice this more distinctly in my initial binge of tma (going too fast and not paying closer attention to character names and descriptions, probably) but the Haan family storyline is, all horror elements aside, pretty fucked up in terms of racial representation re: stereotyping. This got long as hell, but please please please take a moment to read through if you’ve got time for it. thanks.

To start off, the Haans are one of the few characters in tma with an explicitly specified race and ethnicity—Chinese—and pretty much the only explicitly Chinese characters in tma, other than the mostly unimportant librarian (Zhang Xiaoling) from Beijing. But like, Haan isn’t even a properly Chinese surname, at least not in the way that it’s spelled in canon (it should be Han, one a. A quick google search tells me that Haan as a surname has...Dutch origins??).

Of course, that could be chalked up to shoddy anglicization processes within family histories, which certainly isn’t uncommon with immigrant families, so I’m not going to dwell on names too much (although I also find it interesting that John Haan’s name is so specifically and weirdly anglicized that he changed his own surname?? Hun Yung to John Haan is a very big leap of a name change and frankly not very believable. ANYWAY, this is not that important. I don’t expect Jonny, a white Englishman, to come up with perfectly unquestionable non-Cho-Chang-like Chinese names, though it certainly would be nice. Moving on).

What really bothers me about the Haans is how they almost exclusively and explicitly play into negative Chinese immigrant stereotypes. I don’t even feel like I need to say it because it’s like...it’s literally Right There, folks. John Haan (in ep 72) owns and operates a sketchy takeout restaurant. They’re all avatars of the Flesh—and John Haan is Specifically horrific and terrifying because he cooked his wife’s human meat and fed it to his unknowing customers. Does that remind you of any stereotypes which accuse Chinese people of consuming societally unacceptable and ethically questionable things like dog/cat/bat meat (which, if it’s not already crystal fucking clear, we don’t. do that.), which in turn characterize us as horrible unfeeling monsters? John Haan’s characterization feeds (haha, badum tss) directly into this harmful stereotype that have caused very real pain for Chinese people and East Asians in general.

And Jonny does nothing to address that from within his writing (and not out of it either). And, speaking on a more meta level, Jonny could’ve easily had these flesh avatars be individuals of any race (like, what’s Jared Hopworth’s ethnicity? Do we know? No? Well then). Conversely, he could’ve easily, easily had a Chinese person be an avatar of any other entity. So why did he have to chose specifically the Flesh?

(This is a rhetorical question. You know why. Racial stereotyping and invoking a fear of the other in an attempt to enhance horror, babey~)

On Tom Haan’s side, Jonny seems weirdly intent on having other characters repeatedly comment on his accent (or rather, lack thereof) in relation to his race. Think about how, in ep 30 (killing floor), the fact that Tom Haan had spoken a line to the statement giver in “perfect English” was an emphasized beat in that statement, and a beat that was supposed to be “chilling” and meant to signify to us that something was, quote-unquote, “not right” with Tom Haan. Implicitly, that’s saying that it was unexpected, not “normal”, and in this case even eerie, for someone who looks Chinese to have spoken in fluid, unbroken English. Mind you, the line itself was perfectly scary on its own (“you cannot stop the slaughter by closing the door”), so why did Jonny feel the need to note the accent in which it was spoken in? Why did Jonny HAVE to have that statement giver note, that he initially “wasn’t even sure how much English [Haan] spoke”?

This happens again in episode 72 with a Chinese man (and again, his ethnicity is Explicitly Noted) who we assume is also Tom Haan. This one is rather ironically funny and kind of painfully self aware, because the statement giver expresses surprise at Haan’s “crisp RP accent” and then immediately “felt bad about making the assumption that he couldn’t speak English,” and subsequently admitted that thought was “low-key racist.” Like, from a writing perspective, this entire passage is roundabout, pointless, and says absolutely nothing helpful to enhance the horror genre experience for listeners (instead it just sounded like some sort of half-assed excuse so Jonny or other listeners could say “look! We’ve addressed the racism!” You didn’t. It just made me vaguely uncomfortable). And again, having other people comment on our accents/lack thereof while assuming we are foreign is a Very Real microaggression that east asians face on the daily. If Jonny needed some filler sentences for pacing he could’ve written about Literally anything else. So why point out, yet again, that the crazy murderous man was foreign and Chinese?

At this point, you might say, right, but yknow, it was just that the statement givers were kind of racist! It happens! Yeah sure, ok, that’s a passable in-universe explanation for descriptions of Tom Haan (though not John Haan, mind you), but the statement givers are fake made up people, and statement’s still written by Jonny, who absolutely has all the power to write overt discrimination out of his stories. And he does! Think about just how many minor (and major!!) characters are so, so carefully written as completely aracial, and do not have their ethnicity implicated at all in whatever horrors they may or may not be committing. Think about how many lgbtq+ characters have given statements, and have been in statements, without having faced direct forms of discrimination, or portrayed as embodying blatant stereotypes in their stories (though lgbtq+ rep in tma certainly has their own issues that I won’t go into here). Jonny can clearly write characters this way, and he can do it well. So why, why, am I being constantly, repeatedly reminded in-text of the fact that the Haans are East Asian, that they’re from China, that they’re Chinese immigrants, that they’re second-generation British Chinese or whatever the fuck, and that they’re also horrifying conduits for blood, gore, and general fucked-up-ness? It’s absolutely not something that is Needed for the stories to be an effective piece of horror; the only thing it does is perpetuate incredibly harmful and hurtful stereotypes.

And listen, I love tma to bits. It’s taken over my blog. I’ve really loved my interactions with the fandom. And I am consistently blown away by Jonny’s writing and how well he’s able to weave foreshadowing and plot into an incredibly complex collection of stories. But I absolutely Cannot stop thinking about the Haans because it’s just. It’s such a blatant display of racial stereotyping in writing. And I’ve certainly seen a few voices talking about it here and there, and I don’t know if I’m just not looking in the right places, but it certainly feels like something that is just straight up not on the radar for a lot of tma fans. And I’m disappointed about that.

Just, I don’t know. Take a look at those episodes again and do some of your own thinking about why these characters had to be specifically Chinese (answer: they didn’t.). And in general, PLEASE for the love of god turn a critical eye on character portrayals and descriptions whenever they are assigned specific races/ethnicities (Some examples that come to mind are Jude Perry, Annabelle Cane, and Diego Molina), because similar issues, to an extent, extend beyond the Haans, though I haven’t covered them here.

You shouldn’t need a POC to do point out these problems for you when they’re so glaringly There. But for those of you who really didn’t know, hope this was informative in some way. I’m tired, man. If some of the only significant Chinese characters you write are violent cannibalistic men with a perverted relationship with meat, just don’t do it. Please don’t do it.

EDIT: Since the making of this post Jonny has acknowledged and apologized for these portrayals on his twitter and in the Rusty Quill Operations Update, which went up September 2020. A long time coming, but better late than never. This of course doesn’t necessarily negate the harm done by Jonny’s writing, and doesn’t make me much less angry about it, but is appreciated nonetheless. For more on this topic there’s a lot of productive discussions happening in my “#tma crit” tag and in the notes of this post

#tma #the magnus archives #magnuspod #tma 30 #tma 72 #tma crit #racism #sinophobia #racist stereotyping #tw cannibalism #tw violence #long post #tom haan #john haan

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i-stand-with-survivors · 2 years

Note

Hey there! This blog is pretty cool, but I've noticed that some TERF posts have snuck into the stuff you've reblogged in defense of Amber. One of the unfortunate things about this case is that TERFs are trying to co-opt it to attack trans people and they're hard to differentiate from good faith actors. One thing that really helps is the Shinigami Eyes extension which flags users who've posted transphobic attacks so you know right away if they're acting in bad faith. Thanks for this blog.

Hi anon, I appreciate you reaching out and your kind words, as well as the thought and consideration I know it takes to call somebody “in.” I’ve been thinking a lot about how to respond to this and how to best articulate my stance.

I double checked a few pages to make sure there wasn’t some passing sentence that slipped by me or something, and as far as I can find none of the posts I've reblogged have said anything about trans people whatsoever -- with the exception of one calling out JD making transphobic remarks about a friend of AH -- so I don't think I've reblogged any of the posts you're referencing. Since obviously a post that doesn't even mention trans people can't be attacking them.

I want to be clear that I would not reblog any posts calling for harm of trans people (or anybody else for that matter). I don’t support posts like that.

Past that, I have a lot of thoughts about some of the implications here. I feel that expecting a person to only reblog from people who they 100% agree with on every issue is unreasonable. Reblogging a post means I overall agree with that specific post. It’s not an endorsement of the blog or anything else the blogger has posted.

For me, this isn’t just about “I’m not going to dig through their entire blog,” although that’s also true -- I’m speaking beyond this specific topic, as there’s no extension that is going to flag every single thing that I would find offensive or harmful. But more to the point, we societally have spoken for the past ~8 years about the problems caused by the increasing political polarization and the online echo chambers that are likely both a symptom and a cause of this. I personally do not feel I can object to echo chambers and then turn around and completely refuse to interact with everybody I disagree with.

I also feel that many people -- and I don’t think this is you anon, as I interpret your ask as being in good faith -- jump at any excuse to discredit and shut down any conversations around feminism. I am unwilling to feed into a dynamic that silences women speaking out about our oppression. When I see so many of the pro-AH blogs I follow get repeated messages like “Are you a TERF? This sounds TERFy. Are you a TERF?” when they often either have only ever talked about the trial or even have actively spoken in support of trans people, it feels for me like I’m seeing just one more way that society has painted women as not credible or not worth listening to, by conflating feminism with bigotry.

Anyway I think I’ve been talking long enough lol plus I don’t want to derail from the focus of this blog so that’s all I’m going to say on this topic. I do recognize that some people may be uncomfortable following me in light of this, and that’s ok -- everyone can curate their online space however they want or need to.

#answered

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smp-boundaries · 3 years

Text

List of Boundaries: CaptainSparklez

Violence in fanworks: In one of his subreddit videos, Jordan reacts positively to a bloody drawing of him being accidentally stabbed by Tubbo, showing that at least in fanart, he is okay with violence and death.

Fanfiction: Jordan has done two videos where he read fanfiction, one of which was an x reader, and reacted positively both times. This shows that he is okay with fanfiction and the x reader did not appear to put him off, as he specifically chose it for a Valentine’s Day video.

Shipping: There is no distinct evidence for Jordan being for or against shipping as a whole. He seems comfortable with being shipped with Tom Cassell (Syndicate) as evidenced by various videos where they joke about kissing and being shipped together. On the other hand, in the third MC Ultimate, when AntVenom made a joking comment about SparkAnt (their ship name) being revived after they both respawned, Jordan replied with distaste, implying that he doesn’t like being shipped with AntVenom. He has also spoken on multiple occasions against being shipped with Lady Ianite (from the Mianite series), and shows discomfort when looking at romantic fanart of them.

AUs where Jordan is Tubbo’s and/or Crumb’s father: Jordan has reacted positively to fanart of Tubbo and Crumb as his children and is accepting of the AU. However, he seems to be unaware that it is an AU and not canon on the Dream SMP, therefore this cannot be used as evidence for his stance on AUs in general.

General PSA: Jordan does not like people prying into his personal life, which includes his IRL friends and relationship status. He doesn’t disclose this information and people should respect this about him.

Evidence: Jordan reacting to violent fanart, CaptainSparklez reads a CaptainSparklez fanfiction, Jordan reads an x reader, Jordan, Tom, and Mini Ladd joking about shipping, Jordan reacting negatively to the idea of SparkAnt (Jordan/Anteler), Jordan reacting negatively to Sparkanite, Jordan talking about Tubbo and Crumb being his children, Jordan talking about how it’s weird when people ask about his IRL relationships

clip transcripts below cut

reacting to violent fanart Jordan: (reading reddit post) uh, “blood. It was a mistake.” (opens post, revealing Among Us fanart) ah, no, dude.. (playing it up for the bit) ah no, back to back! I can’t believe I have to relive this moment again and again! I don’t think I - it’s - it’s - y’know, I don’t think I ever betrayed him, but I got betrayed in return. It was hard.

Jordan, Tom, and Mini Ladd joke about shipping Tom: (hugging Jordan and Mini Ladd) all in - all in, all in, all in - this feels good. hey, no kissing tonight, alright? Jordan: really? Tom: no kiss - (Mini Ladd kisses his cheek) okay. (looks at Jordan, points to cheek expectantly) Jordan: (kisses Tom’s cheek) Tom: (laughs) oh yeah!

reacting negatively to the idea of SparkAnt (Jordan/Anteler) Anteler: this is team Sparkant, being revived Jordan: no, not that - not that word.

reacting negatively to Sparkanite Jordan: alright people do this weird shipping thing with me, and Ianite, and I realize that it kinda stems from season two but let’s just - I feel like we need to keep it as a platonic relationship between a follower and their god, alright? Ianite is m’lady, my god, it doesn’t have to become like a romantic thing. Alright? alright. cool.

about Tubbo and Crumb being his children Jordan: (reading reddit post) “the Tubbo origin story is growing.” (opens post, revealing fanart) Is that Tubbo jumping out of the ____ to catch a bee? and then Crumb saying “there can be only one?” There actually - I’ve seen things on twitter though - Inga(?), who - who does lots of art and stuff and has done some of the MCC thumbnails, like, did a drawing where I was Tubbo’s dad in the Dream SMP server and I was like “is this a thing that’s actually going on?” I know nothing, I’m confused. But I guess I’m like - I’m Tubbo’s dad. on the server. I have no - I geniunely don’t know, but that’s what I’ve heard. And I’m like “oh, okay.” I guess - y’know. I did say I wasn’t having kids but there wasn’t anything about a kid that already has been had. So I guess it works. It doesn’t - yeah - doesn’t mess with my take. But also we have Crumb now. (laughs) “There can be only one.” But it’s been established that I’m his dad I guess, so - so, there has to be two. It’s already been said and done.

talking about it being weird when people ask about his IRL relationships Jordan: (reading reddit post) “Expose yourself, Jardoon. Did you break quarantine for a video?” (opens post, revealing screenshot of Youtube comments under his video) I can’t - I can’t, like, it’s so - it’s so weird.. to me, that every comment is just - who filmed the video - does any other channel get that? It’s bizzare - like I - I feel like other channels just have people film their videos and it’s - the entirety of the comments section isn’t, “who filmed the video,” it’s - it’s about the video content itself. I just - I mean, I don’t know for sure. Maybe that is a thing on other channels. But - also … and also, I do know other people who live in the general LA area. I’m not just completely solo without the ability to reach out to a single person. I know as much as I stay at home and am confined, I do know other people. Weird flex, I know. “Woah, this guy, look at him out here - knows other people? Who exist? Not just on the internet? Oh ho, mister fancy out here dude, okay. He’s got real life acquaintances and all that. Alright, way to flex on us all!” But I - oh my god dude, it’s so weird. And I made this comparison in my stream a couple days ago, that it’s like my mom when she’s asking about plans and what I’m doing, and I’ll be like, “oh, I’m going to such-and-such with friends,” …. she’ll be like “oh, what’s their name?” And I just think - I mean it’s - you’re not gonna meet them. Are you gonna look up their - like are you gonna look their name plus my name online to try to figure out who they are? I’m confused in that regard. It’s just a person who I know. And - and then, anyway, it’s just - you guys are my mom. (laughs) So that’s where we are with this.

#captainsparklez #jordan maron #smplive #smpearth #mcyt #mianite #vault hunters #boundaries list #smpb // violent themes in fanwork #smpb // fanfiction #smpb // shipping

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petekaos · 2 years

Note

Hey Rahul! Have been reading about the enchante discourse on tumblr lately. Agree with your points about microaggression. But when vagueposting about big blogs in fandom who are white, a lot of people randomly get targeted with hate. A tumblr user deleted her blog cos she was getting death threats. I don’t believe that’s your intention and I’m not blaming you. Just wanted to inform you of the situation happening when there’s vagueposts. Thank you and take care!

hi anon, thanks for reaching out. i appreciate this ask being sent with good intentions and no doubt you didn’t think of anything more when sending this, however i would like to get these things off my chest:

1) in no way did i vaguepost about anyone here on tumblr. i saw general takes both in the youtube comments, on twitter, and yes, also on tumblr that i simply wanted to comment on. maybe i missed where my post talked about ‘big blogs in fandom who are white’ but you can point it out to me again if you find it. once again, i was making a critical comment on racist patterns of behaviour i noticed as an asian man in asian fandom circles.

2) you saying ‘a lot of people get randomly targeted with hate’ makes no sense to me, unfortunately. if i’m talking about posts that specifically ridicule, make fun of, and demean accents or pronunciations coming from poc … then i assume nobody who hasn’t made those comments would receive hate. if you did make those comments and received asks about it, then how is that in any way my fault for making a post about racist patterns of behaviour? if you have a public blog with asks turned on and post your opinions, people also have the opportunity to send you asks about your opinion, as people are free to do with me.

3) i am not a celebrity. i don’t have influence, nor did i tag someone and ask my followers to raise pitchforks and go attacking them about it. i simply commented on patterns of behaviour i saw. if my post inspired people to send someone death threats, then i am remorseful about it and don’t condone that whatsoever! however, i also don’t see how other people’s actions are my responsibility. even if i didn’t make that post, those takes would have continued to have exist and have been able to be commented on by other people. i have spoken with the user you’re talking about (over dms after she sent an ask to me because her private information is none of my followers’ business) and made it clear to her that a) i did not see her posts before making mine, b) it was not about her, and c) that i do not condone death threats being sent to her.

4) i’m slowly getting sick of people branding a post that an asian man made about racism coming from white people in asian drama circles as a ‘vaguepost.’ it’s not a vaguepost. i’m not talking about anyone in particular. i’m not attacking anyone and i’m not naming any names. white people in asian drama fandoms have a responsibility to be aware of their comments and how they can be ignorant or racist, especially when it comes to culture or language. to completely erase that part of my post and to call it vagueposting like i’m some sort of childish guy who can’t speak with people directly and has to whine about it on my blog is just mind boggling to me. racism isn’t about you.

if you want to continue talking about this, feel free to message me or send me an ask with your url. i’m slowly getting tired of all the hate and death threats i’ve been receiving personally just because i, as an asian man, chose to comment on racism in asian fandom circles. thanks.

#ngl y’all just perpetuating the evil moc stereotype but whatever #rahul answers

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