#agitated hypo

[faofinn]

Day 12 - "Just One More Sip"

@mediwhumpmay

Kieran had, all things considered, settled in well at secondary school. Sure, he had Alfie, who helped no means to an end, but they both had their own struggles the other couldn’t understand. 

Tai helped, able to break everything down and explain their diabetes in a way he understood. He hated that his son had diabetes, but he was glad that he could help.

It had been a long day at school, maths first thing followed by history and english and then double PE. Ever the worrier, Kieran was already convinced he was coming down with something, but it was football so he didn't want to sit out. He adjusted his insulin, grabbed some dextrose tablets and headed out of the changing room with Alfie by his side. 

They had fun, still off the age where they enjoyed PE and causing chaos. The class were in high spirits as they headed back in to get changed. The twins had verb getting slightly more independence too, much to the fraying of Harrison's nerves. They were allowed to walk to the carpark at the end of the street by themselves, but the pair would be picked up by someone from there. 

Kieran was lagging as they left school, a headache starting to brew. He kept chatting away to Alfie though, figuring he probably just needed a drink when they got home. There was no point worrying his brother when their dads were just around the corner. 

"Kieran?" Alfie tried for the third time. "Kieran!"

He turned to him, snapping. "What?!"

Alfie pulled a face. "Don't yell at me. You've just stopped walking and you're ignoring me. Are you alright?"

"Just don't want to talk to your stupid face." He spat, arms folded with no intention to move. 

"Kieran? What have I done? You don't look too great. Where's your phone?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because you're my brother, idiot." He muttered, grabbing Kieran's phone from him and swiping his arm. 

"Hey! Give it back."

"No. Where's your glucose tablets? You had them in PE."

Kieran frowned. He'd left them in his pe kit, and the kit was in his locker. "School."

"Idiot. Do you have any more?"

"How am I supposed to know?" He spat.

"Because it's your bag!" Alfie replied, exasperated. He knew it wasn't his brother, that the hypo was messing with his head, but it always hurt when he spoke to him like that.

"Here, drink this." Alfie shoved a can of pop in his face, rummaging through his own bag - he always kept spares somewhere.

"I'm not thirsty."

"I don't care. Drink it." Alfie snapped, authority in his tone. 

Kieran was slightly taken aback, and did as he was told. He screwed his face up at the taste, moving to put it down. "I'm not drinking it. I don't like it." 

"Kieran, please. You're having a hypo. Just keep drinking it, just one more sip, yeah?"

He grumbled, tears suddenly overwhelming him. He felt rubbish anyway and now Alfie was yelling at him and making him drink things he didn't want to and it just wasn't fair. Kieran shoved his bag away, not caring as the contents spilled across the pavement. 

"Kieran!" Alfie hissed. "Just drink your drink, it'll make you feel better. I need to call dad too, he'll be able to help."

With one hand calling their dad, the other continued to rummage through his bag. He gave a triumphant noise as he grabbed his tablets, shoving several into Kieran's hand. "Chew these."

They seemed better than the drink, so he did as he was told, the wall propping him up more than he was sitting. "Fine."

"Thank you. Keep chewing them and then swallow, yeah? They'll make you feel better." Alfie continued muttering, though he wasn't sure who he was trying to comfort. "Let me check your levels again, hopefully they'll be better."

As he swiped, the phone connected, and relief rushed through him. "Dad." He breathed. "Kieran's having a hypo. I need your help."

Tai had been waiting for the boys, on an early finish at work. When he saw Alfie calling, he assumed it was just to say they’d been caught up or forgotten something and they’d be there soon. He didn’t even get a chance to speak before his son did, and frowned. 

“Okay, where are you?”

"By the shops." 

“I’ll be a minute, yeah? Have you got some sugar into him?” Tai asked, already getting out of the car. 

"I'm trying!"

“It’s okay, you’re doing great.” He said, tucking his phone under his ear as he grabbed his stuff from the glovebox and headed in their direction. “I’m coming, just hold on a minute, yeah?”

"Okay." Alfie turned abxk to Kieran. "Come on, have another tablet, another drink."

Kieran groaned and swiped at Alfie's hands. "I don't feel well."

"Yeah, cause you're having a hypo. This will make you feel better, honest. Please, just one more sip?"

Kieran let himself rest against Alfie, absolutely exhausted. He did as he was asked, though, chewing on another dextrose tablet as he drank. "What am I at?"

"You were 2.8 the second time."

"That's low."

"It was lower. Drink." He encouraged, praying for his dad to hurry up. "You need to finish it all."

Kieran grumbled at his brother. “Can’t you drink it if you’re so obsessed with it?”

"No, I'm not having the hypo. Have another tablet."

He huffed, rolling his eyes, but sipped his drink and obediently reached for another tablet. 

Tai arrived after a few moments, crouching next to his sons. “I’m here.”

"He was 2.2 and he's 3 now but he's all grumpy still."

“That’s good, it’s going in the right direction.” Tai told him. 

"We were playing football and he didn't eat his biscuits at lunch."

“Well, that was daft, wasn’t it?” Tai said gently. “We all make mistakes.”

"Alfie won't stop pestering me." He grumbled. "And he stabbed me? I have my arm thingy for a reason."

“Oh my god, did he?” Tai couldn’t help but tease. “That was mean.”

"I had to!" Alfie protested, suddenly doubting himself. "Because the arm sensor is delayed and he might have been even lower. Right?"

Tai turned to him. “It’s okay, you’re right. You did the right thing.”

"Is he gonna be okay?"

“Of course he is, his sugars are coming up. You did good.”

"I was worried." He whispered to his dad, trying to keep Kieran from hearing it.

“You did great, kid. Don’t worry.” Tai told him quietly, but turned his attention back to Kieran. “I’m gonna need to stab you again in a bit, I’m sorry.”

"You're kidding me."

“I wish I was. I don’t like it much either, but we need to make sure.”

"I feel rubbish."

"Yeah, because you're an idiot." Alfie nudged him. 

"You're the idiot." He replied with a grin.

“You sound better.” Tai joked. “Can you have some more drink for me?”

"Can we buy better pop? I really don't like this one."

“What’s wrong with it?” Tai asked him. “I’ve got some orange juice?”

"Tastes bad."

“Here, try the orange juice.” He offered it to him. 

"Mm, okay."

“Are you starting to feel better?”

"My head is pounding." He admitted. 

“Not surprised. We’ll get you home soon.”

"Am I gonna have to stop PE?"

“No, you’re just going to have to be careful.”

"I didn't mean to."

"Accidents happen."Tai said softly. "I still have them."

"But you're old." Kieran frowned, before blushing. "Not like that!"

"I see how it is." He laughed.  

“I know.”

After a few minutes, letting Kieran sip at the orange juice, Tai squeezed his leg. “Need to check again, and then we’ll get home, alright?”

"Okay. I feel better now, though." He said, offering his hand as the other reached to squeeze Alfie's. 

“Good, that’s good. It’s gonna be a bit of a stab.”

"I know." He sighed heavily, overly dramatic as his dad took the sample. 

“Sorry, I know it sucks.” Tai said, watching the machine. It had come up more now, to a nicer level, and he grinned. “Much better.”

Alfie breathed a sigh of relief from beside them, passing Kieran his phone too. Kieran grinned back. "What is it?"

“Nearly 4, now.”

"So I can stop drinking?"He asked hopefully. 

Alfie shook his head. "You gotta finish it, right dad?"

“He’s right. Finish it please.”

"Okay." He dragged it out, quickly downing the rest of it. "Finished."

“Thank you.” Tai said. “Where’s your stuff?”

"He kicked it over the road." Alfie admitted. "I got most of it back, here."

Tai shook his head. “Of course. Give it here, I’ll carry it.”

"Thanks, dad." Alfie murmured. 

“It’s okay. You’ve got plenty to carry, I’ve got my hands free.”

"Alfie?" Kieran asked quietly. 

“Yeah?” Alfie asked, his attention on his brother. 

"Thank you." He said softly. "Means a lot you were there."

“I’m always gonna be there, idiot. I’m your brother.”

#mediwhumpmay2023 #mediwhumpmay #mediwhumpmayday12 #just one more sip #fic #oc #alfie cunningham-cole #kieran cunningham-cole #taidgh cole #whump #whump of a minor #type one diabetes #juvenile type one diabetes #hypo #hypoglycemia #the brothers being so sweet #low blood sugar #agitated hypo

[elliesmistress]

W/n; I cried way too hard making this

Sorry if the grammar is off I couldn't be bothered fixing it. 3.1K words

WARNINGS: This does have intense topics about PTSD, Trauma, etc. Please read at your own risk and all of these are just my OPINION.

Let’s talk about trauma! Before I get into this I will say this; I am not a phycologist, nor do I have proper training, this is a subject I am very passionate about and something I have studied under my own terms/things I’ve learnt from previous therapy sessions and group meetings :) 

Ellie’s trauma and my opinion on it.

The first thing we will discuss is the “window of tolerance” (something I learned in therap) . Everyone has got a window of how much they can tolerate during a stressful situation or a situation with a lot of emotions. If someone is in a  “hyperarousal” state that person can become aggressive, agitated, hyper vigilant, or have risky and destructive behavior, this is what we call a “fight response”. If people are in a “hypo arousal” state this is when the person can become more depressed and anxious, getting put into a “freeze response”... 

Ellie’s life throughout part 1 of The Last of Us  - 

During the show we are met with Ellie and her mom, her mom had unfortunately been bitten and was killed soon after. This is where we are met with the first PTSD for Ellie. The first person she built “a bond” with is our mother, naturally we are very social creatures so not being able to build a bond with a parent will cause problems later on in life such as; having abandonment issues, having trouble to connect with other people because she has this fear that whoever she gets close with will die or leave her.

During the game we get to meet Marlene who was a close friend of Ellie’s mom, and had raised Ellie throughout her child-hood/early teenage-hood, this is where she got paired with Joel and Tess, in this scene is where you can see her “PSTD state” being triggered she didn’t want to go with Joel or Tess, because Marlene was someone who she created a strong bond with. Before we get introduced to Joel or Tess, Ellie had a friend called Riley who was someone she also created a bond with, Riley was someone who had joined the fireflies and escaped from FEDRA. Ellie had assumed that Riley had died from her random disappearance, Riley had then shown up to see Ellie and they went on an adventure together before Riley had left permanently to join the Fireflies, during this time Ellie had her first kiss with Riley and shared some very important moments with her. During this time infected had gotten to Ellie and Riley and bit Riley and Ellie, this was where we got to see the some-what first mentioning of Ellie’s immunity to the cordyceps-  During this time of Riley and Ellie being bitten Riley had told Ellie that they should “wait it out” and “go insane together” Ellie was immune, she didn’t know that and nor did Riley, the saddest thing about the first stages of infected (called runners) is that they are aware that they are infected but they aren’t able to control themselves, so Riley had gotten infected and started turning but Ellie wasn't turning, so with that being said Ellie would’ve had to kill Riley so she wouldn’t continue to turn- 

–

Joel and Tess had taken Ellie as “cargo” but obviously they all had created a bond with each other, mainly Joel with Tess as they were very close with each other. We are then met with another problem, Tess had gotten bitten and was already starting to turn, Ellie figured it out pretty quickly after Tess was acting weirdly and obviously she had created a bond with Tess so she didn’t want her to leave them/die, this is when we are met with Ellie’s PTSD, the fear of people leaving her…. 

Sam and Henry, she is also met with Sam and Henry who are two brothers who they met in Pittsburgh; Sam and Ellie were similar in age so they had created a strong bond with each other. Sadly Sam had gotten bitten on their journey, Sam had asked Ellie “what are you afraid of” to which Ellie replied with “of ending up alone” this is when we saw Ellie in a more vulnerable state, her PTSD side showing through more. This is when we look back to her mom, Sam, Marlene and soon enough Sam, in the show Ellie had tried to give her blood to Sam trying to save him from the infection. In the game, Ellie wasn’t aware that he was infected until Henry had asked her to go get him so they could all have breakfast, Sam had tried to jump onto Ellie to “infect her” this is when Ellie’s flight or fight had kicked in and she was trying to get him off of her, Joel had tried to kill Sam but Henry had shot near him so he wasn’t able to…. Henry in the end shot Sam, obviously upset he had then killed himself. (they really meant it when they said the last of us) 

The next scene we will jump to is when Ellie and Joel had their argument about Ellie trying to run away, she had done this to avoid the pain of being abandoned again.  We are met with a somewhat angry Ellie who had found out that Joel wanted to get rid of her, yet again another trauma response to her previous traumatic experiences .

When Ellie had said “I’m not her you know?” that had really hit a spot for Joel because of his past traumatic experience of losing his daughter Sarah. “I’m sorry about your daughter Joel but I have lost people to” to which joel replies with “you have no idea what loss is” 

“Everyone I have cared for either died or left me, everyone fucking except for you” which is yet again another trauma response from losing her mom, Riley, Sam, Henry etc. From her point of view she is basically saying that she has somewhat formed a bond with Joel and doesn’t want him to leave, if he had left this would’ve caused some bigger problems for Ellie in her early developing stages of life.

I won’t get too much into the situation with David but a quick overview of what happened, David was someone who Ellie had met whilst trying to hunt because Joel had injured himself pretty badly and she was trying to keep him alive. David was a pedophile the easiest way to say it, during this time Ellie had gotten onto a machete and killed David, Joel then had to get her off because she was so stuck in this fight response in order to protect herself from David. 

It was definitely a big time for Ellie when Joel had gone to comfort her because she was in such a vulnerable state and because he was there for her it immediately strengthened their bond together. The next scene we will talk about from The Last of Us part 1 is the giraffe scene, this is where Joel had found a giraffe and encouraged Ellie to come say hi to it which also created a stronger bond with him because it was his father figure side coming out. Once Joel had taken Ellie out of the hospital he had continued to lie to her because he needed his heart to be fixed, so to protect her from the truth that they COULD’VE made a cure he lied and said that there was a lot of other immune people and that Ellie wasn’t the only one

The last of us Part 2 - Ellie’s story 

The beginning scenes we are met with Ellie listening to music and then Joel comes in to talk to her. Ellie had known from her gut and the way he was saying everything that he was lying but she also wanted the truth to come out.

Joel had played a song that is a song that Ellie will come back to a lot during her trauma and other experiences because it was him trying to continue to form a bond with her and he is basically now Ellie’s dad, so this is definitely something she will hold onto for a long time. 

-

The next scene we jump to is when Joel is getting tortured by Abby and she sees this is when we see Ellie going into a dorsal/hyper-aroused  state and her fight and flight instincts kick in. Her first immediate reaction to this is to fight, Nora and the other guy pin her down so she isn’t able to move putting her into a more hypo-aroused state and the only thing she can do is to shake and scream, this is also a prime example of her attachments to Joel not once in her life did she ever beg, with David she would always insult/rile the other person up but when it came to Joel this was the only time that Ellie had actually ever begged someone to not do something. 

Once Abby has killed Joel (for all the people who have played the game) you can hear a lot of ringing and you're  not actually able to hear anything that the other people are saying. This is a good example of the parasympathetic nervous system, Ellie was being held down and her heart rate was increasing but the body knows you are at risk of having a heart attack so it’s the body's way of calming yourself down so that doesn’t happen. This is also when her freeze response hits, it’s definitely a prime example of the “fawn” response which is when your more in a people pleasing mindset and start to accept everything for what’s happened   , not to mention that this is also a PTSD response where her mind is reminding her body of what it felt like to lose somebody, her “abandonment trauma” even if he wasn’t intentionally trying to abandon her it’s still a traumatic response. 

We then see Ellie on her bed sitting down whilst Tommy is knocking at her door, this is a good example of being in a hypo-aroused state which is when her body started to shut down more, accepting everything that has happened, being super brain foggy and not being able to tell the difference between reality and dream (dissociation). Another thing to note is because Ellie wasn’t able to do anything in the situation of Joel’s death she definitely entered a freeze response which is where her entire nervous system decides “hey, let’s check out” and she won’t be able to process that trauma because she’s still grieving and is still in a hypo-aroused state. 

When Dina and Ellie go out across Seattle you will find a music store to which Ellie goes into and finds a guitar and starts to play the song that Joel had played to her in the beginning of the game, this is the closest thing she has to Joel still. This is what we call “resourcing”. Dina had found out that Ellie was immune and one of her responses was that “I can’t make you immune either” This is a statement that Ellie has a lot of guilt over because she isn’t able to make Dina immune. 

Ellie had found another guitar and went straight to that for resourcing a way to feel closer to Joel. 

Ellie’s 15th birthday 

This is another very special moment for Ellie which is where she and Joel spend time together on her birthday. Ellie had found a rocket-ship simulator in a museum and her and Joel go into it and Joel pulls out a music tape which was yet again another very important moment for her as she felt super close to Joel and was in a relaxed mindset 

Ellie had stumbled across a painting that has the fireflies symbol on it saying “LIARS” this is another cool example of how trauma can leak into the best memories we’ve had. 

Finding and Killing Nora

This is another scene where she had some-what turned into Joel, with Ellie being in a hyper-aroused state. Where she was agitated, aggressive and wanted to hurt the person who had helped kill Joel. The scene after she had killed Nora and she was outside the building Dina and Jesse where in, she was shaking which was her flight response kicking in, she was getting ready to run away from danger to protect herself. Dina had looked after Ellie still very shaken up and crying, we hear that Ellie says “I don’t want to lose you” she genuinely meant it and she was definitely very guilty about what has happened so far, another really big bonding scene for Dina and Ellie. 

The hospital scene where Ellie runs away and leaves Joel a note During this scene we get to see Ellie figuring out the truth and that Joel has been lying to her, even though she KNEW he was lying she was trying to get him to admit it. 

“You don’t get to leave me a goddamn note” which is something that Joel says, Ellie then pushes him away because she’s angry and isn’t okay with the situation because she has been trying to get Joel to talk to her for so long and admit the truth. There was definitely a lot of anger and guilt on Ellie’s side because she was probably thinking about what COULD’VE happened to the world if she was given the chance to be used to help make a vaccine 

When she killed Owen and Mel

This was definitely a big trauma response to when she had lost Joel going into that hyper-aroused state, fawn response and guilt, she had killed Mel who was pregnant, she was definitely thinking about Dina in that moment because Dina was pregnant and not only that but it’s also because she had killed a pregnant women (nobody likes her anyways so it doesn’t matter) and an unborn baby we see Ellie not being able to breathe correctly and the ringing in her ears again.

When Abby is about to kill Dina

This is definitely more on Abby's side of the story which is something we’ll get into if you guys want me to write up about Abby’s side of the story, Abby had been put into a flight or fight response and Ellie had said “she’s pregnant” to which Abby replied back with “good” and then Lev joins in and says “Abby” abby then looks up at Lev and Lev isn’t accepting of the situation so she pushes Dina away and chooses to let them go.

When Ellie has the panic attack at the farm

When Ellie tries to get the sheep into the barn and the lamb knocks over the farming tools we see a very faint flashback to an image of Joel getting tortured which immediately puts Ellie into a “hyper-arousal” state, she immediately starts to hyperventilate. The door closes and Ellie is immediately met with the ringing in her ears again the same ringing she heard when Joel died and killed Mel, she tried to run down the stairs and get to Joel, but the door was locked. This is a great example of what a PTSD flashback can be like, when she heard the lamb knock over those tools her mind brought her back to the traumatic experience of Joel’s death.

Now for the best part, when Ellie finds Abby tied up- Ellie’s original plan was to kill Abby and or Lev because she’s in so much pain and she’s still grieving- Throughout the game if you go into her drawing book you see that she isn’t able to draw Joel’s eyes anymore because she has “forgotten” what they look like… When Ellie sees Abby picking up Lev you can see that Ellie is then starting to realize that Abby is “Joel” and Lev is “Ellie” you can see in her eyes that she doesn’t want to kill and she is starting to forgive, when we get the last fight scene we are then met with another slight PTSD flashback of when Ellie sees the blood on her T-shirt, she immediately goes into a fight response and wants to hurt Abby for what she’s done. Ellie is starting to kill Abby by this point and we are then met with another slight flashback of Joel, with the same ringing in her ears, she was starting to go into a dissociative state again. Ellie knew at this point that if she didn’t let Abby go she probably would’ve lost Joel forever so she decided to let her go. When Ellie says “go, just take him” I don’t think she was talking about Lev in this situation but taking Joel with her so the pain will stop. 

When Ellie arrives back at the farm it is shown that Dina isn’t there anymore, she immediately goes back to the guitar for resourcing and helps her nervous system calm down. The ending of the game we are met with another flash back with Joel and Ellie talking, to her this probably would’ve put some peace to her grieving still, at the very end we can see that Ellie puts Joel’s guitar down and in my opinion for Ellie this is her going; “Okay, what I’m doing isn’t working. Fighting my way out of the situation isn’t working, it’s not helping me, it’s not helping anyone. I need to let you go” and so she let him go. 

In regards, I have not yet done Abby’s side of her PTSD but I will get into that if anyone would like me to and I’ll reupload it as Abby’s side and Ellies side- For anyone still wondering I do think Ellie was in the wrong, Abby had let her and Tommy live because she didn’t want to be like Joel, she didn’t want to be worse than Joel. Instead of Ellie staying and learning how to deal with her trauma she tried to get revenge on the person who had hurt her most (Abby) Ellie had killed around 150 people throughout Seattle to try to get to Abby, this is why when people have severe PTSD like Ellie it affects relationships like with Dina, Dina left in results to Ellie not working through her PTSD. Ellie had chosen revenge over Dina which is a massive sign of her PTSD and not being in a great headspace- Although, I do feel really bad for Dina, unfortunately there isn’t a lot about Dina’s backstory etc. But from what I can gather from the game Dina was constantly in a “fawn-state” where she agreed with everything Ellie had said/done because she didn’t want her to leave or whatever. 

Ellie was in the wrong, Abby wasn’t :)   

MY SINCERE APOLOGIES TO ANYONE WHO WAS SOBBING THROUGH THIS I WAS TOO BUT IT NEEDED TO BE TALKED ABOUT

I will tag people in the comments coz it's not working for some reason rn

#ellie imagine #ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie williams smut #ellie williams x you #ellie x fem reader #the last of us #joel miller #joel and ellie #trauma #ptsd

[pinkest-nekomata]

Thinking about how the “don’t need labels” crowd doesn’t understand autism because my autism *needs* patterns to understand myself. Like I need a full and specific understanding of what autism can look like to see the ways it shows up in myself and to support myself.

I needed to learn what stimming is and that it can mean I’m bored or agitated (or content), I needed to learn that for as observant as I am in social situations I crucially lack the assumptions that make those situations easier, I needed to read, from many different stories, that mix of loneliness and content solitude that’s so often part of the autistic experience.

I process in a bottom-up way, a fundamental trait of autism, so of course I need a specific, detailed understanding of myself and how I relate to others.

Even in a perfect world where autism was neutrally accepted, I’d always need a word for it. I’d always need concepts to describe the patterns of how I’m (neutrally) different than other people—even if only to communicate and connect with them better.

I think that’s why it’s so important to me to claim “autism” and the language around it back from medical pathology. The community and the wisdom we can share with each other is so freeing and comforting—especially since what works for neurotypicals may not work for us. CBT and DBT are less effective for autistics, for example. And even as we gain nuance and peel apart experiences like alexithymia, which is more likely caused by trauma (including the abuse inherent in being autistic in an unaccommodating world), how we address alexithymia will be different for autistic people.

Autism then becomes an important aspect of therapies, because we understand that the therapies must necessarily be more specifically described, more self consistent, and must accommodate a range of opposite traits including hyper-and hypo-verbal, meltdowns and dissociation, etc.

Therefore even as pathologization diminishes, autism as a concept must remain, because we will always need a specific way of understanding ourselves in the world—or else we will continue to suffer harm that will drive us to find that concept again.

#actually autistic #just autism things #autistic adult #autistic community #autism #actually audhd #being autistic

[outofangband]

for @all-of-arda-is-autistic

I talked about why I read Morwen as autistic here but this is just a collection of headcanons rather than meta. That being said a lot of this is supported by canon!

cw: implied ableism and internalized ableism (implied/mentioned enforced self consciousness about stimming). It’s not a significant part of this post but still wanted to warn

I themed this collection vaguely around the senses.

Morwen has a very keen eye for detail and notices easily when things have changed or are out of place. She is very observant. (I’m thinking here of Morwen being the one to notice that the wrong number of people were in her group with Mablung)

She dislikes eye contact but when she maintains it, she often does so unblinkingly and people will tend to be unsettled, uncomfortable or downright terrified (ahem, like Brodda)

Morwen has very sharp hearing, especially for picking up on faint or distant sounds. She tends to have more trouble with cacophonous sounds or sounds coming from multiple sources and will either focus on one specific piece of input or tune everything out completely. She gets agitated if spoken to in loud or crowded environments by anyone.

Morwen dislikes touch from most people and is very specific about what kinds of touch she prefers with her loved ones. (For example, only Aerin is allowed to hold her hand for any length of time. Húrin and Rían both pull too much and she doesn’t like that!)

On that note I have many thoughts about how neurodivergence effects sexuality for Morwen but I’ll leave that for later if there’s any interest

As a child Morwen would pull at her hair when very upset. As an adult she still does on occasion though she tends to do it privately.

She is very hypo sensitive to temperature, especially cold, and to many forms of pain.

She is also quite under sensitive to strong smells. Though her actual sense of smell is normal or high, she doesn’t tend to be affected by most smells and doesn’t tend to register them as particularly pleasant or unpleasant unless they have significant and long term associations for her; burning smells for example Morwen hates and clean horses she likes because it reminds her of Húrin and Aerin. She doesn’t like most persistent smells regardless of quality. Her preferred smell is just a neutral clean or fresh one.

Morwen prefers simple foods without many flavor combinations especially different kinds of tastes (sweet and savory for example).

Morwen is very still. I think she tends to have very rigid and seemingly unnatural posture and if it's uncomfortable for her, she doesn't notice.

As always please feel free to ask more

#the silmarillion #the children of húrin #Morwen #Aerin #Húrin #Rían #musing and meta #look I’ll be honest I have more thoughts about some of these but they’re depressing #word ran among them

[gaeasun]

I'd love to see you do Feverish Delirium and Mumbling with Fox. Or whoever you want!

Well once again I'm inflicting Croissant on the world. I'm also inflicting on Wolffe.

“What do you mean he’s sleeping?” 

Frankly, Wolffe was tired of the kark. Every time he tried to just find out where Fox was he got rerouted to someone slightly higher up the totem pole of authority. He’d somehow met entire squads of the Corrie Guard, each of whom had a story that Wolffe was sure was very interesting to anyone not named Wolffe. 

And yet he still didn’t know where Fox was. This CMO was the closest he’d gotten to all day who was willing to tell him anything at all. Even the other Coruscant Commanders had apparently been too busy for him.

“I meant exactly what I said,” Croissant informed him. He seemed about as impressed with Wolffe as Wolffe was with him. “He’s finally sleeping. You go and find him, and wake him up, and I’ll have to send him back to sleep the hard way and I’ll send you with him.” For emphasis, the medic patted a pocket full of hyposprays.

“Why can’t he wake up just a little to see me?” Wolffe pressed. “I’m his batchmate. I haven’t been able to see him in a while, and I’m going to now. I’m sure he’d be willing to miss a little sleep just to see me.”

“Uh, sir?” the kih’vod Croissant was looking over sheepishly looked at Wolffe. “He does really mean it. He will sedate you if you try to ignore him.”

Wolffe glared at Croissant. Croissant met him eye for eye.

“Fine,” Wolffe bit out. “I promise I won’t try to wake him. But can I at least see him?”

Croissant shrugged. “Sure, it’s your waking mind on the line, not mine.”

Once Croissant was finished with the Corrie ad he led Wolffe around and around until they finally came to a small set of quarters. Inside were four bunks. 

Fox lay on one of them, muttering and tossing about.

Croissant rushed over to him and placed a hand on his forehead. “He’s got a fever,” he muttered. “Don’t have meds with me. Wait here, don’t wake him up.”

 Wolffe sighed and sat on the bed next to Fox’s moving form as Croissant left. 

“Silly Foxy,” he sighed, and pulled Fox’s head onto his legs. “What, did you forget we’re not supposed to get sick?”

“Kark you,” Fox mumbled. Whether he was actually conscious of what he was saying, Wolffe wasn’t really sure.

Wolffe chuckled anyways. “Silly, silly Foxy,” he half-sang as he smoothed sweaty strands of hair away from Fox’s eyes. 

Fox blinked furiously. “Wanna sleep,” he muttered. “Tired of being awake.”

“Then sleep, Fox’ika.” Wolffe kept his hand moving through Fox hair. He was really warm. “I’m not stopping you.”

“Wanna- wanna sleep. Please, let me sleep.” Fox got more agitated, turning and weakly sliding his head along Wolffe’s thighplate. “Please, ge, gedet’ye. I just wanna, I just wanna sleep.”

“Good thing I’m here then,” Croissant strode back into the room, a medkit in hand. “Always happy to help with that Commander.”

Fox mumbled something else unintelligible as Croissant checked him over and gave him a few hypos. “Fox, do you want Wolffe to stay with you?”

Immediately Fox’s whole face brightened, though that may have been the sweat and fever in his eyes. “Wolffe?”

“Congratulations, Wolffe.” Croissant jammed into the space above Wolffe’s thigh piece before he could react. “Wish granted. You get to stay with Fox.”

Everything went dizzy. Wolffe tried to lunge at this gedin’la medic, but somehow time blurred and he ended up on the floor instead.

Croissant unceremoniously dragged him up and shoved him against Fox. 

“This is treas’n,” Wolffe slurred. “Gonna ha, have you c’rt m’rsh’lled.”

“Good night Commanders.” Croissant ruffled Fox’s hair before grinning at Wolffe. “Don’t worry, I’ll let your battalion know you’re unavailable.”

“I will, find you…”

“Goodnight.”

Croissant closed the door behind them. Wolffe grumbled before he slung an arm Fox to clumsily pull him closer.

“Wolffe,” Fox happily mumbled, pressing even closer. Wolffe was going to get baked, wasn’t he? Still, from the way Fox shifted before finally settling made Wolffe think it just might be worth it.

#hehe #croissant has an itchy hypo finger #oc: croissant #commander fox #commander wolffe

[suncaptor]

Hi bestie, not sure how invested you are in the headcannon but do you have any Bipolar Benny thoughts to share? 👀

The thing with Benny & bipolar is that I think for the most part we see him as depressed and we can explain most of what's going on through trauma but the lense of it being post mania adds something really interesting. Like he drops from this desperate always on alert state that keeps him manic and has this huge mood drop coming to Earth that means he associates feeling afraid for his life as a high and part of what he should belong to?

Also. Thinking of him having mood cycles in Purgatory. There's no regulation. It's perpetual twilight. He drops low and nothings still safe and nothing means anything and nothing usually feels euphoric because he's always on edge all the time so he's so so agitated.

I think him meeting Dean while (hypo?) manic would also be interesting because Dean brings colour and life into it in part because his brain is ripe for that sort of impulsive and deep connection (especially since Dean has bpd and makes him his favourite person). So they connect and mean a lot to one another fast. And what's really important then to Benny is even on Earth when he's suicidal and empty and sad Dean still makes him laugh and drags him out of the depths of it and still matters in some absence corner of Benny's head <3

I also think if Benny had manic symptoms while in Purgatory it would be associated with agitation and his bloodlust, but I think on Earth then he is TERRIFIED of that coming back because even though he thinks he could control himself in theory! he's terrified of the way his brain seems completely out of control and on Earth the consequences are greater considering he's also a vampire. (this is NOT to say people w/ bipolar are a risk, I'm talking about Benny's neuroses about being a vampire and specifically how that would make him afraid).

I also just think his emo philosophical angst feels in tune with the bipolar perception of lifted into fast other planely states and dropping down again. (But again these are headcanons, in canon I totally just see him traumatised as well. but it's fun to think of.)

#bipolar benny lafitte #benny lafitte #spn #benny #incoherents #supernatural #deanbenny #s8 #bipolar #kevin has bipolar tho i will die on that hill #ask

[mailorderfictionalcharacter]

Anxious, Agitated, & Mixed Depressions; Dysphoric/Mixed Hypo/manias

Things I’ve been reading recently. Standard does not equal endorsement not a professional not uncritical of what diagnostic labels are doing disclaimers.

Anxious Depression &/vs Agitated Depression

Anxiety vs Mania - How To Tell the Difference (video, Tracey Marks)

Activated Depression: Mixed Bipolar Disorder or Agitated Unipolar Depression? (Available on Sci Hub)

MDD with Mixed Features vs Mixed Hypo/mania

How to Diagnose Mixed Features Without Overdiagnosing Bipolar (Psychiatric Times) 

Mixed features are common in practice but poorly described in DSM. They are caused by the overlap of depressive and manic symptoms, but it’s hard to understand them by reading separate descriptions of these two states. It would be like trying to imagine green by studying yellow and blue.

Exploring Diagnostic Strategies in the Assessment of Mixed Affective States (Psychiatric Times)

Although there is room for improvement, at least the new DSM-5 classification system has helped to identify more patients suffering from mixed states compared with previous nosology because of broadening the DSM-IV-TR criteria.15 For example, in one study, patients previously diagnosed with bipolar disorder were examined when they were having a manic or hypomanic episode, and mixed features were detected in 20.4% during the episode using the DSM-5 criteria; however, using the DSM-IV-TR criteria, only 12.9% of the patients had a mixed episode, showing what appears to be a lower degree of sensitivity toward mixed affective states.

Wired and Tired: Untangling a Bipolar Mood Episode with “Mixed Features” (Brooke Baron, bphope, blog post)

Then there are times when I feel quite worthless and depressed. I have no energy; I feel sluggish and isolated. Simple tasks become mountainous—even basic hygiene and eating practices. I have no bandwidth for anything.But I can’t sleep, because inside my mind there’s a grand finale fireworks display of thoughts. Some of them are about the past, some are about the future, and some are vivid ruminations about horribly tragic accidents happening to my loved ones—complete with unspeakable graphic imagery and a racing heartbeat. Intrusive thoughts, much?

Activated Depression: Mixed Bipolar Disorder or Agitated Unipolar Depression? (Available on Sci Hub, linked above)

Mixed/Dysphoric Hypo/mania

Exploring Diagnostic Strategies in the Assessment of Mixed Affective States (Psychiatric Times, linked above)

What It's Like to Experience Mixed Episodes With Bipolar Disorder (Personal essay, The Mighty)

I blast music in my car, in my ears, in my room, just to try to drown out half of the thoughts and slow down the stream. It helps sometimes. I don’t sleep much because the mania part doesn’t let me and because the thoughts keep me up late. I dream more during this period than at any other time because my brain won’t rest, even if I am sleeping. I can start a sentence off crying and be laughing by the end, the early tears still streaming down my cheeks... I want people to know what these feel like. Over the years, I have found myself frantically searching the web for others’ descriptions of their mixed episodes, and found material sadly lacking. 

How My Experience With Dysphoric Mania Led to a Psychiatric Hospitalization (The Mighty, personal essay) Note: author did not find experience traumatizing, discussion of non-consensual institutionalization.

I was super depressed at moments — couldn’t get out of bed, didn’t want to go to work. And then wildly hyper at other moments — waking up at 2 a.m. and deciding to make macaroni and cheese, cleaning the house in the middle of the night. My mind was filled with intrusive thoughts of self-harm and suicidal ideation.

What is Mixed Mania and How Do We Treat It? (Tracey Marks, video)

Dysphoric Mania Is Not 'Fun' (Mel Herbert, The Mighty, personal essay, archive link)

Because all of that energy that comes with mania does not come out in the happy-go-lucky way of euphoric mania, but rather as rage. Pure, blinding rage. I often describe this anger as being so immense I want to slice myself open and crawl out of my own body. Not in a way of self-harm, but to escape the anger inside of me. The anger I experience in these times is physically painful, to the point where I lie in bed and writhe because I’m not an angry person, and I need some way to escape this all-consuming rage.

What is a Mixed Episode? (Julie A. Fast, bphope)

During a mixed episode, I am abnormally restless and can’t settle down. I will pace, drive for hours, sit down and stand up, pick at my fingernails, drive too fast, yell at people, wonder why the world is such an ugly place, hate my life and hate people as well.

Welcome to My Dysphoric Manic World (Julie A. Fast, bphope blog post)

Everything is wrong. People are stupid. The government is stupid. The world is stupid. There is a desire to get away in order to feel better.

#mixed episode #might add more later #mental illness

[mindcraps]

Mindcraps presents Salted Mountain.

Should the mountains always be snow-clad and taste sweet after melting thereby creating rivers and water bodies? Can't those be mountains of salt instead?

Tiny disturbances of agitated salt-laden warm water push through small fringes and crevices of the ground which cool down as they move up.

As they cool down they wouldn't hold the salts as they used to do it before. The extra salt precipitates out and forms salt crystals that sink to the bottom to create mountains of salt.

Salts emerge out of the ground and cool down to create mountains of salt.

Hypo Realistic paintings: Oil on a 10"X8" Canvas Board.

Enjoy Daily Artworks from #mindcraps

🔥us a text if you wanna have this piece as an NFT.

Check ✅ our NFT.

#art #my art #artwork #artists on tumblr #nftcommunity

[faofinn]

27. Uncooperative Patient

"Tai? Tai?"' Harrison repeated, waiting for his husband to respond. "Tai."

"What?!" He whipped around, snapping at Harrison. 

"Hey don't yell at me." He frowned, hurt. "You were the one ignoring me."

"Yeah, well, maybe I just want some bloody peace and quiet away from your pestering."

"What are you on about?" Harrison took a step towards where Tai was sitting at the kitchen island. "I'm confused."

"All of this I'm sick of, sick of all the pestering, it's just again and again. It's like you don't know what I'm doing and I'm always doing it."

Harrison narrowed his eyes, watching Tai critically. "How's that?! 

"As if you don't know." He scoffed, shoving the chair back with a clatter. It hit the floor with an awful bang, and White Harrison grimaced, Tai didn't even seem to notice.

"Why don't we go sit in the living room?" Harrison offered. 

"There you go again! You know what I think about that. And they're just as bad, you're just not getting it are you? Fucking stupid. I don't know why I bother." 

Harrison gave a sharp sigh. "Where's your phone, Tai?"

"I'm not going to tell you that, am I? You'll take it off me like you've taken everything else, like the kids. Look at them. They've fucking gone, haven't they? An' scout. None of them like you. I don't fucking like you."

"Yeah, there's a long list, I'm sure.” He muttered, turning to rummage in the junk drawer. "Sit down, will you? I need to do your sugar."

“'No,you don't."

"Yeah, I do." He shrugged, moving to stand in front of Tai. "Give me a finger."

He stuck the middle one up. "Fuck off."

Despite the situation, Harrison had to laugh. "Yeah, I deserved that one. I still need to check your sugars, love. Just a second, yeah?"

Harrison wasn't expecting it, Tai taking a sharp step forward and shoving his husband square in the chest. It jarred his leg, and it was a surprisingly strong shove, sending Harrison tumbling back, unbalanced and unexpecting.

He cracked the back of his head against the cabinets, his back dragging down the edges of the doors.

Stars danced in Harrison's vision, pain immediately lancing down his neck and back, across his ribs, and annoyingly enough around his prosthesis.

It took him a moment for him to manage to catch his breath, and even then it was forced. Despite feeling like he was dying, he forced himself to his knees, and then staggered to his feet. It was all too similar to his accident, his mind reeling and trying not to dissolve into panic.

He knew he couldn't, though, knew Tai needed him. He grabbed the glucagon kit from the top drawer and managed to stumble into the living room. He sent out a quick emergency text to anyone that was around while he was at it; he knew he'd need help one way or another.

Tai was sitting on the sofa in the living room when Harrison found him, grumbling away to himself and covered in sweat. "Tai?"

"What do you want?"

"You must be feeling pretty shit, yeah? You gonna let me help you?" He was more than a little worried to get close, and spied his phone on the coffee table. He edged forward, tapping on the screen. Alert after alert after alert. Goddammit Tai. The CGM moved slower than capillary, and he didn't want to imagine where it actually was. He was all too aware what had happened the last time it got too low.

"Yeah, I feel like fucking shit." 

Harrison nodded, one hand behind him as he sat by Tai's side. He was grateful his husband was still wearing a T-shirt, despite the weather outside, and briefly rested his hand on his bicep.

"Have you tried doing your sugars?"

"No, I don't care about them. I just feel shit, you're not helping and I'm sick of it." He started rambling again, barely making sense. Harrison knew he didn't have long, and he only had one chance. He took a breath to try and stop the nausea, and stabbed him. There was time for niceties or soft touches, quickly injecting the glucagon and deftly locking the needle away.

Tai shouted, a mix of pain and surprise, but Harrison had already moved away. He'd not made it far, missing the bin as he lost his breakfast on the carpet. Great. It only seemed to make it worse, and he groaned, suddenly glad of the other sofa behind his leg. He collapsed gratefully onto it, letting his eyes close for just a second. 

"What the fuck, Hars?!"

"You act like a dick, you get treated like one." He muttered under his breath. "It's for your own good, love. You're having a hypo. You're not you."

"Fuck off."

"Once you're back up, sure.” He pulled his phone out, dialling for an ambulance. As much as he'd done all he could, and normally would have been able to manage it himself, he knew if things didn't improve then he wouldn't be able to help. He could feel wetness down his back and a ginger feel across the back of his head brought back red. Even better. 

He struggled through the operator's questions, finding it harder to think with each one. Tai, at least, looked better, no longer shaking as much as he had been. 

There was a clatter from the front door, the scarper of paws on wood, and the kids announcing they were home. Harrison sighed. This was going to be fun to explain. 

"Living room, we've had a bit of an issue." He called.

“Dad?” Alfie called, frowning. “What’s happened?” 

"Dad's had a hypo. Can you grab the rest of the sugary stuff? And some toast?" 

Shit. “Yeah. Kieran?” He turned to his brother. “Do the toast?” He asked, and his brother did, whilst Alfie padded into the living room. It was a state, Harrison with blood dripping from his nose, Tai collapsed on the other sofa looking awful. There was vomit on the carpet too, though he honestly had no idea who’s it was, they both looked awful.

“What the fuck?”

"Yeah, I know." Harrison shook his head. "Don't even start."

He took in the absolute state of the room, pressing his lips together. “Has dad had something, at least?”

"Glucagon." He said, holding the phone out. "Speak to the ambulance?"

“Uh, yeah.” He said, taking the phone.

Harrison knew better than to try standing, just glad he'd dragged the bin closer. He'd hoped he'd grow out of the vomiting after every head injury, but it just felt like it got worse each time. He groaned, stomach spasming as he buried his head. 

Alfie winced, watching his dad vomit again, before he tried to answer the operator’s questions, vague on the details. 

With another groan, Harrison raised his head. He roughly wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, making an unimpressed noise as he wiped blood from his nose. There was a flash of panic that he couldn't quite hide, but his worry for Tai easily overshadowed it. 

Alfie couldn’t help the jolt of worry at the sight of his Dad, the blood dripping from his nose. Neither of them looked well, and the operator at the other end of the phone reassured him that they were on their way as soon as they could be. Kieran had appeared with the toast and other things for Tai, offering to him and trying to ignore the state of the room. Neither parent looked well, and the twins were out of their depth completely. They knew how to manage Tai’s diabetes, of course, but with Harrison looking so ill too, they didn’t have anyone to help them. 

"What's his sugars doing, Kit?"

Kieran had grabbed his Dad’s phone, open to the CGM’s app. “Better, coming up now.” He said. Tai looked better, too, no longer as agitated, and was eating the toast without protest. 

He shot them a smile. "Thanks, boys. Sorry you had to come into this."

“Are you okay?” He asked. “You look like shit.”

"I just took a tumble, I'm fine."

“You’re bleeding and you’ve been sick.”

"Head injuries bleed a lot. It's fine."

“Alfie is on the phone to the ambulance.”

Harrison hummed. "Yeah, for dad."

“Like you don’t need it too.”

"Course not. I need Tai sorted, then I can go to bed."

Given the seriousness of the situation, the ambulance arrived quickly, and Alfie rushed to the door to let him in, Keiran still trying to get Tai to eat. 

“They’re in here. It’s kind of bad…”

Harrison glanced up, offering a sheepish smile. "I'm not the one I called about, I'm fine enough. Tai had a hypo."

“You don’t look too great yourself.” One said, whilst the other radioed for another set of hands. This was definitely more complicated than a simple hypo. 

"I'm just concussed a bit. I'm always sick, I've got a bit of a lac to the back of my head, but I don't think it's that bad."

“What happened?”

Harrison glanced at the twins before returning his gaze to the floor. "I fell."

“Can you talk me through how you fell?”

"Nope. I'm not your patient. Tai is."

“You both are at this point, I’m afraid.”

"Nah, I'm good."

“With a concussion you don’t get to make that choice.”

Harrison narrowed his eyes at him. "Ah, fuck."

“You know I’m right. How did you fall?”

"Backwards, against the kitchen cabinets."

“Ah. Did you lose consciousness? Black out?”

"Remember the whole thing, got really dizzy and couldn't see properly. Winded, too, with how I hit the bench. Took a moment, followed Tai through here, managed to get his glucagon in and then I started throwing up. I always have done." He gave as much information as he could get away with while withholding the important bits. "I'm just a bit concussed, head injuries just piss everywhere, that's all. I'm really not that bad, I just need a lie down."

“You’ll get a lie down.” He reassured him. “That’s a significant fall, you and I both know that.”

"A lie down in my own bed."

“Not going to happen I’m afraid."

"I'm not being rude to you, but that's bullshit." He sighed. "On second thoughts, you carry ondansetron?"

“Not being rude, eh? Yes, we carry ondansetron.”

"You can stab me for being rude then. I won’t say no to that." He adjusted his grip on the bin, trying and failing to breathe through it. 

“Now you want something from us.” They knew Harrison, often seeing him at work, and knew where they could tease. That was flirting the limit, but he hoped it would be okay. 

Harrison huffed. "Ah, but look. I pretty much fixed your patient for you."

“I suppose you helped.”

"Didn't want you to feel like I was doing all the hard work though." He broke off to vomit, giving a quiet apology before continuing. "So I decided to make another patient for you."

“Let me get that ondansetron sorted for you, then.” He said, reassuring him. But things were serious, especially with the vomiting. 

"Yeah, thanks." He murmured. "What's Tai's sugars at?"

“Uh, 3.5 at the moment.”

"Mm, okay. He's coming up alright then."

“Going in the right direction.”

"I got a 1.3 on his phone."

“So likely even lower? Okay, yeah. Explains things.”

"Couldn't get a fingerprick."

“We’ve managed one, which is good.”

"Yeah, he's more compliant now."

“Things are moving in the right direction.”

Harrison retched. "Well, it makes one of us."

The other para had sorted the ondansetron quickly enough, and returned to Harrison. “Here, got this antisickness for you.”

"Who's the lucky one that gets to stab me?"

“That would be me.”

"I'm not gonna judge you, just stab me once yeah?"

“That’s the plan.” He said, getting his kit sorted. “Can get you some pain relief too, if you need it?”

"I might take you up on that."

“Alright, I can get that sorted in a mo.” He said, finding a good vein and prepping it carefully. “Right, sharp scratch.”

Harrison hummed, letting him get on with it. He focused on trying not to be sick while he worked, all too aware of being on the other side of things. 

He got it in easily, and it flushed nicely. “There. Just gonna get this antisickness in for you now, well done.” 

"Thanks."

“Hopefully this second crew should be here shortly and we can get you both off to hospital. Have you got someone to come and be with the kids?”

"Kit and Bug are seventeen."

“I’m sure it would be nice for them to have someone with them?”

"I don't know if anyone replied." He was starting to get more than a little tired of the situation, the nausea still there and the pain creeping in.

“Do you want us to call someone?”

"Maybe, yeah."

“How’s that pain? Do you want something?”

#sicktember 2023 #27. uncooperative patient #whump writing #whump prompt #harrison cunningham #taidgh cole #alfie cunningham-cole #kieran cunningham-cole #head injury #hypoglycemia #diabetic hypo #agitation #taidgh is pretty beefy #poor hars #bit of ptsd #attacked #they're both uncooperative lol

[bastardsunlight]

It’s too smart, the repeating whisper had been. It knows.

Indeed, it has been eight days. The team does not know what it will find when it eventually corners whatever had taken up residence here — only that it is either big enough or strong enough (or both) to have necessitated the use of a full testing floor, and that said use was for self-experimentation. The laboratory had been incriminating enough, notes here and there — and then the damning hypo gun outside the testing floor double-door lock. The empty vial had simply read URv2.3, but if the dried black gunk here and there within the floor itself was any indicator, it had been an Uroboros prototype which had not killed its user.

Their quarry is clever enough to create barricades, lead them in circles, pass through water to emerge downstream. But Chris Redfield is not assigned amateurs. They are professionals, and eventually they find what they are looking for.

The thing is incomprehensibly huge — that, or it has indeterminate dimensions within a dark space. It appears as a shadow hovering over what appears to be a gruesomely interrupted weapons deal: corpses here and there, a truck flipped on its side beneath the meager shelter of the warehouse roof. All that is apparent about it is that it is tall, dark in color, has many red-orange eyes, and that it is fast enough to have snatched one of its hunters from behind before he could hear it.

He is thrashing and gasp-cursing in the thing’s horrid tri-split jaws, but what blood there is is not his. He’s not screaming nearly enough to have taken one of those dagger teeth to something vital, or to have anything broken. The thing makes no move to bolt off into the dark with him, or shake him, or bite down, or…anything, really; just holds him there, clamped almost delicately between glinting white teeth. It steps forward into a shaft of moonlight beneath the roof, revealing first a massive battering ram of a head, ears pinned back in the manner of an agitated cat, a lion-like mane of oily black tendrils, and the beginning of an obsidian, armor-scaled body that has to equal a big rig in mass.

The man in its grasp claws feebly at its nose. It ignores him, blackish drool running from the split in its lower jaws. There is no immediate mutation, no caustic burning, and it grips its catch deftly and deliberately by the heftiest parts of his armor. It is as if the thing does not intend to harm him at all…

And all of its many, burning, too intelligent, red-orange eyes are fixed expectantly upon Chris Redfield.

They’d searched that facility carefully—found some living spaces that had been occupied, and more importantly even than the notes, which they had of course confiscated, was a stray scrap of paper, wadded up and discarded in a waste bin. On of Chris’s sharp-eyed troopers had caught sight of it and alerted him to its presence. It should have been nothing, but it was not. The coordinates had been to this very warehouse, mentioning that which appeared had been about to take place, a weapons deal.

Except it had gone worse than bad. This was no shoot out. This was a killing floor which had been turned into a buffet platter for the thing now holding one of Chris’s men. But it is not killing him. When Chris feels his eyes meeting those of the beast, he feels a strange sort of intelligence—strange in that it is human and the thing is clearly very much not. He lifts both hands, one in a fist to signal his men to hold, and the other open-palmed, toward the creature. His weapon on a sling, it dangles before him, but neither hand is upon it.

“Sarah Hawker?” This is the very definition of going out on a limb and he feels insane. More than one set of eyes are on him from behind as his men look on with bafflement and incredulity as their captain moves slowly forward.

#response #body horror #thumbsupgunsout #vehxmence

[dodomedic]

Truth Serum: I suppose this is payback. What are your exact thoughts regarding me? And why do you bother me as much as you do?

"Oh! pay back?" there is a guffaw and he smiles at the other. "oh that would be you actually visiting me, and hanging out with my pet. Which I don't think you've ever met Long Geb. You might actually be afraid of him... now that I think about it! OH the serum does nothing for getting off topic!" He flaps his arms and tries his best to slow down his thoughts. Rubbing his chin oh it was so vague Aldous was not good at this question game. "exact thoughts, hmmm admirable yes, you should floss more certainly. Ah I saw you and thought, 'oh I like this person I'd like to be friends with them' I can't really say there was anything more, but it is nice we've had similar backgrounds in war and medicine." "THOUGH I DID see your morning exercise that one time and DAMN ALDOUS you got it going on!" Dodo looks rather upset that he'd said that and covers his face. "its a compliment. truth serum and hypo-mania has me all over normally I can filter this out. I do like that you try so hard it's humbling you know 'see he's got issues and he's trying his best'. maybe I'm not a complete dullard either!" Hartmut looks upset as the words just tumble out. "the medicine does not work it makes me super super depressed or in a mania that has me so agitated that I cannot Oh I don't even want to talk about it, it messed up my pain receptors and I was having extreme paranoia it was terrible! I was walking on a lisfranc for a week before I noticed anything." "Why I visit so much? Oh that's easy a lot of the time I'm lonely so I decided to visit and in those few moments I'm less lonely." He taps his beak. "Next time we could do 20 questions over some beer, I don't typically lie this is just making me a blabber mouth more than usual! it is distressing."

#zehypocriticaloath #word vomit #truth serum

[gardenerian]

Do you think that Ian's bipolar disorder is portrayed accurately?

hello and welcome to loaded fuckin question hour with mel! actually, ty for asking this anon, it's been a while since i talked about this. lemme add my usual disclaimer here - i can only speak to my own experience/opinion/understanding. anyone else is welcome to chime in.

the short answer is......... yeah? mostly? it's complicated?

you know what, this is me and there is no short answer. sorry 'bout that.

so. largely yes and here's why:

there's a wide range of symptoms present. we see differences in how it manifests in monica vs ian - and how their personalities map onto that. ian might act in a way that seems out of character, but he's still ian. i can't tell you how important that is.

ian (and probably monica as well) tends to lean towards hypo/mania when he's off his meds or when they weaken, etc. especially with monica in s2 and ian in s4/s5, they shine here. the relentlessness of it. the need to move and feel and rage and indulge and make and do and destroy. and i like that it's not always euphoric mania, bc it usually doesn't feel that way to me. the agitation and impulsive reaction is kinda my wheelhouse there. the psychosis - i kinda can't thank cam enough for that portrayal.

i wish the depressive symptoms were a little more nuanced sometimes, but... the crash is real. and it can turn on a dime. the absolute lead in your veins. the feeling of grief you can't explain, like you can't even speak it. the varying levels of self harm. and i think ian's s6 depression is incredibly accurate as well. he's listless in a way that feels very familiar.

and the moments of lucidity, where he can tell something's wrong but can't name it, or he's afraid to. monica has it, too. they scare themselves. and the fear everyone else feels. unflinchingly real.

with that comes the feelings of shame, before and after his diagnosis. the idea that he can't trust himself or his brain, that he needs help, that something was wrong the whole time - even when he was feeling good. the fact that it's forever and it's cyclical. coming to terms with his actions, forgiving himself, reckoning with himself. fucking up, trying again. setback after setback, redemption after redemption.

the journey with meds - knowing you need them, staying on them, finding the right ones. HEALTHCARE!!! what resources do you have access to? what care can you afford? if his hospitalization had been a better experience, how could the journey have been different? and the self-medicating... i would have liked more on this! but we see it plain as day from him and monica.

the way his whole body changes? from s3 where he's sturdy and confident to the end of s5, where he's hunched over, thin, and shaking. it can absolutely wreak havoc on your body. he even starts to hold himself differently in the s8 episode. and i'll never shut up about cam's eyes.

the strain on your relationships - the breakup, the tensions with his siblings, the trevor of it all, moments with sue and rita. it changes your perception of yourself, and influences how others see you. even if they don't mean to, and even if they're kind about it, it's there. THEN you are hyperaware of how you think others might be seeing you - paranoia definitely comes through with ian.

ian has his own journey with the disorder, but so does his family. they each come to understand what it means and how it affects ian. it's less of a death sentence than they assumed it was with monica. they kinda make peace with that experience and turn their focus to their brother. and mickey! from not needing the list to recognizing triggers!!!! he does so much. he learns so much.

and one thing i think is incredibly special is the idea of kinship. ian does not want to be viewed as monica, but he still understands her in a way the others don't. he loves her in a way they perhaps can't. it's not just about the disorder, but it brings them back together. he fears her and distrusts her - but still, he loves her. my bipolar family members, though i have fraught relationships with them, are huge parts of my heart. my bipolar mutuals.... deeply special bc they see me and i see them. i always wonder what monica must have felt about ian's disorder. (we know how she felt about medication, but.... more about what happened when he called her from prison, please?)

and then we have... not always? or not in the way i'd like and here's why:

it sometimes feels like the disorder disappears until they need it for a plot point. it’s about the episodes a lot of the time. bipolar is largely managed with medication and lifestyle maintenance, but even when i'm stable (whatever that means), it still impacts my moods. i still feel everything so much all the time and i am aware of it every single day. stable means something different to everyone - my baseline still leans toward depressed. 7x03/11x04 do show that you can have off days without it being a full-blown episode. idk how they would have worked that into the show more, bc it doesn't do much for the ~storylines~ but it would show us more about ian. plus - what is his treatment method? what about the work? is he only on meds? (it seems so, but i'd love more about how he figured out what works for him...) we see such a journey with him accepting the diagnosis but then he comes out and says 'i have it under control' and i'm like!! how!! tell me more please!!!!!!

on that note, the meds thing. i love that they show ian taking his meds casually. but every time he gets a little off kilter, they jump to the meds question immediately. sometimes symptoms slip through, sometimes you have little cycles - and that does not mean that your meds are off or that you have to rush to the clinic every time. idk, it doesn't come up that often (it may be more of a fic thing? i have a lot of fic things.) but i noticed it in the deleted scene and was like asldfjkdhasfasd

the s8 storyline bothered me not bc he went off his meds or that he had an episode... but bc it was made into a mockery. look at this wacky shit ian is up to! it's so superficial. we are made to read between the lines about ian and his headspace and it! is! lazy! religious delusions are quite common, and i kinda think it makes sense for him, but the genesis (lol) of it is not fleshed out well at all. we even see some religious imagery right at his s5 break but... we didn't see ian in here at all. delving into his hero complex and actual motivations, his awareness of himself, when he stopped the meds, WHY the message spoke to him.... it could have been really powerful, actually.

it's like. they decided halfway through that he was gonna be manic or something. i can (and did!) meta my way through it and look for the rise but... GOD. we got no explicit confirmation that he was off his meds until that trial? we wouldn't even need that, actually, if they just gave us more of his perspective. i got NOTHING from looking at ian. s4/s5 gave us more glimpses of his headspace and how he notices it sometimes (not enough, but more), but s8.... there's nothin. cam did what he could - those eyes! - but it was just flat. which.... for a manic episode.... yikes.

the SCALE of it sometimes bothers me. yes! these episodes can be deep and long and destructive like we see with both monica and ian. of course. but like... so often, when they get manic or depressed, it's always🚨crisis level, real quick🚨 like steal a baby, do some porn, blow up a van, ruin thanksgiving, become totally catatonic, etc. and again! it can absolutely get like that!! bipolar gets worse as it goes untreated! but they definitely employ it for the drama and little else.

like. for me, episodes are dangerous and i have to catch them of course, but just bc i'm manic or depressed doesn't mean it's going to get to that level every single time, even if i'm off my meds. i've done 🚨🚨🚨 stuff, but more often than not, i go totally inward when i'm having an episode rather than act out. this is just my experience, of course. just- this is a LONG WINDED way of saying that idk, yes the crisis moments are realistic as hell, but i personally can't relate to the frequency of them. if that makes sense?

SO: yes. accurate. but... maybe exaggerated in some places? and put through the lens of shameless which distorts a lot of things. absolutely exacerbated by the gallagher family circumstances, history, ethos, and (lack of) resources....

🗣 SHUT UP MEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#sorry about this oh god oh my god #i like to talk about this but it's also really difficult #i'm just too close to it rn to discuss with any sense of cohesion #and once again: my experiences and thoughts are not universal #if anyone has any thoughts or wants to chat further please add on or msg me #suddenly feeling very vulnerable gonna go for a walk #mental health tw #mania tw #psychosis tw #depression tw #self harm tw #quick question how insane does this make me look on a scale of 1-100000 #wall of text to end all walls of text #things mel didn’t have to say: all of this

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

#ACLA24 #ACLA24Leaders #youtube #youtube video #climate leaders #climate solutions #climate action #climate and environment #climate #climate change #climate and health #climate blog #climate justice #climate news #weather and climate #environmental news #environment #environmental awareness #environment and health #environmental #environmental issues #environmental justice #environment protection #environmental health #Youtube

[starfleetbotanist]

Physician, Heal Thyself (But Not Always)

🌹

It had been stupid, even he would admit that. Academy students were typically supposed to avoid bar fights. But Cupcake had been talking smack, and he'd had a few too many, so he had allowed the inevitable to happen. What he hadn't expected was for six other cadets to decide to use him as a punching bag. More surprising, though, was Bones.

He'd vaguely heard Bones trying to reason with his assailants before the roar in his ears drowned him out, but a fist to the stomach is a much more pressing matter than a pacifist doctor trying to tell you logic you don't want to hear, so he'd more or less written him off. That is, until he saw a cadet fall at his feet and turned to see his friend wading- and punching- through the crowd towards him.

He leapt at one of Cupcakes cronies as he landed a solid punch to Bones' face, causing the man to stumble back, a protectiveness he hadn't felt since Tarsus rising in him. But Bones regained his footing and gave as good as he'd gotten, before finally reaching Jim. Then he grabbed him by the collar of his uniform and dragged him from the bar, much like a mama cat with her errant kitten.

He stared at him, stunned, the entire way back to their room, Bones loudly scolding him about safety and rules the whole way, wiping blood from his now evidently broken nose. A sick feeling overcame him. What happened now? Was Bones going to leave, like Sam had?

He found himself dumped on the couch in an ungraceful heap as Bones' angry footsteps carried him to the bathroom and back. He sat on the coffee table, and Jim was relieved to see his medkit resting on his knee. He was (mostly) a model patient as Bones scrubbed at his cuts with antiseptic before using the portable dermal regen.

"You've got too damn good a brain, Jim, to go and get it knocked around by fools like that, y'hear me?"

He blinked. No, he hadn't heard him. Upon realizing that, Bones rolled his eyes before reaching over and lightly slapping his head- a move too gentle to actually hurt, and which he immediately followed with an affectionate ruffle of Jim's hair.

"This, your brain. Use it."

With that, he got up and headed back to the bathroom. Jim followed on his heels.

"That's it? You're not... More angry?"

"Jim, I knew when I signed up to be your friend there'd be risks. If a bar fight's the most danger we get in together I'd be surprised."

"But you got hurt!"

"Yeah, and you owe me for that."

He stopped in front of the mirror, opening his case again and finding the regen and a hypo. He reached up and, with a grunt, popped his nose back into place. He swore as he turned the hypo on himself, eyes watering.

"Scratch that, you really owe me," he said through gritted teeth.

"Sorry," Jim replied. He meant it. He hated seeing Bones hurt.

"Just-- use your head next time. Okay?"

"Yeah-- yeah, okay, Bones. I promise."

"Good." He washed the blood on his face and hands before turning back to face him. "Then we can forget about it."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"Okay. Thanks, Bones."

"Anytime, kid."

🌹

Nyota held her wrist to her chest, waiting in the academy clinic. She had hurt it in combat class that day, but thankfully not too badly. The clinic was understaffed that day, and she had told Christine she was fine waiting. It was just her and two other cadets in the waiting room, after all. Not everyone was quite so patient, though.

One of the others, a command cadet, was complaining loudly, drumming his fingers on the arm of his chair, and bouncing his leg in agitation.

"How much longer is this gonna take?" He asked when Christine opened the door to call another patient back.

"Doctor McCoy or Doctor M'Benga will be able to see you soon, sir," she answered. "We will get to you as soon as we can."

Nyota prided herself on her ability to read people, and what she saw from the other cadet was not encouraging. He jumped up to his feet, crossing over to Christine with surprising speed.

"You can't just come back here!" She said, positioning herself between the cadet and the door.

"Watch me!" He snapped, grabbing her shoulder and shoving her out of the way.

Nyota rose, but she didn't need to interfere. Just as he was stepping into the hallway, he ran face first into Doctor McCoy, summoned by Christine's shout.

"Didn't you hear the lady? She said you ain't gettin' in here!" He snapped, though Nyota could see him running a clinical eye over the cadet. "Easy now. Looks like you're in withdrawal. How many stims have you taken?"

"None of your business!" The man snapped, and before anyone could stop him, caught McCoy on the side of the head with a right cross.

Christine leapt in, then, getting him into a safe hold and grabbing his arm to pin behind him as McCoy called for M'Benga to bring a sedative.

"Dammit," he swore as the other doctor handed him the hypo. "Sucker punches harder than he looks."

Once he was sedated, security called, and a treatment plan discussed for the over-use of stims to get him through the command courses, the cadet was taken to Starfleet Medical for a proper detox.

"You okay, Chris?" McCoy asked. Nyota had come to Christine's side as the cadet was taken away. The two had been friends since their first year.

"Just fine," she promised. "Didn't even fall. What about you?"

"I'll be fine," he shrugged. "Happens sometimes. Nothin' the regen can't fix."

"You might want to get on that before it swells too much, Len" M'Benga said. "I can finish up here."

"It'll hold," McCoy insisted. "But you can take that patient we just called back. C'mon, Ny, I only need one eye to see the swelling in that wrist."

"Only if you fix your eye, too," she threatened, following him back to one of the rooms.

"Wrist first," he said, taking out his tricorder. She answered his questions, let him strap the regen unit to her, and stared him into submission until he began treating himself while they waited.

"Are you sure you're alright?" She asked once they had both finished.

"Ain't that my line? Any residual pain?"

"None, thank you. Now answer me."

"I'm okay," he promised. "Not my first rodeo with someone hyped up on stims, and it won't be my last."

"Can't say I envy you."

"Yeah, well, it happens. Now, you be careful in that combat class, okay? Stretch right, and be careful which moves you use on which partners."

"I will. Thanks, Len."

"Sure, Ny."

🌹

"Scotty."

He looked up from the manual he was reading at the sound from the bathroom door.

"Ah, Doc! What can I do for you?"

"You can take a break from straining your eyes and come have some coffee."

He laughed, lowering the PADD he was reading from.

"Aye, that sounds good. What're you doin' up so early?"

He followed him into his room, where he could smell fresh coffee brewing. Like many things, McCoy seemed to prefer real coffee, and while Scotty tended to be more of a tea man, he never turned down real foods or drinks.

"Haven't been to bed yet- don't tell Jim or Spock."

He poured them both a cup, handing Scotty one of them and motioning to the sugar and creamer he'd set out.

"Aren't you the one always telling the crew the importance of a good sleep schedule?"

"Yeah, and that's why I'm askin' you not to tell on me," he grinned.

"Can you not sleep?"

"No, not really. I've been goin' over that last accident in Engineering. I've written up a few training proposals, and wanted you to read through them and tell me which you think'll work best before I submit them."

"Have you been working on this all day?"

"Since my shift ended, yeah."

Scotty saw him take two tiny pills from a bottle on his desk and take them before rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry, headache. Ibuprofen. Been at this a little too long, I think."

"Why push yourself like this, then?"

He scanned the proposals, an interdisciplinary first aid course specific to Engineering and the various injuries and accidents that could happen, a triage proposal to better prepare medical staff for what to expect when an accident is called in, and new safety guidelines and equipment inspection schedules.

"Well, every second counts, you know that. The sooner we get this smoothed out, the better. It could be life or death, and I'm not about to play games there."

"You never do," Scotty grinned, picking up a stylus and making a few notes. "I like this so far. I hope you made a lot of coffee, because I have a few ideas, too."

"I hoped you would," McCoy grinned, and the two sat down to begin work.

🌹

"You called me, Doc?"

"Mr Sulu, perfect timing!"

Doctor McCoy was standing by a selection of plants, studying them intensely.

"The botany department sent these up. They're medicinal. But the labels got mixed up, and we don't really know what's what."

"That's unusual," Sulu grinned, looking down at the selection. "She's usually more organized when making deliveries."

He began to catalogue the plants, calling to mind their uses.

"Fever few, plantain... Several of these are for stopping bleeding."

"Yeah, that's what we're hoping for. We're training our medics to learn other ways to heal in the field."

"Good idea," Sulu nodded, fixing the lables.

"Thank you for the help," McCoy grinned. "Oh, Lieutenant Lyle brought another plant, but I'm not sure what it does. It was bigger than the others, so I set it in the office. Little bastard scratched me, too."

Sulu laughed, plucking a plantain leaf and handing it to him.

"Chew on that for a minute and put it on the cut, that will help."

He heard McCoy's thanks as he went into the office. He gasped. On the desk was a rare Andorian Passionflower- spiked where its Earth counterpart was not, and blue instead of purple. In place of a label there was a note, and he recognized the handwriting.

"Ben?"

"Surprise," McCoy said, stepping in. He had the chewed leaf against his finger. "We were asked not to tell you anything."

He opened the envelope. It was handwritten anniversary card. He smiled, warmth filling him.

"Happy anniversary, you two," McCoy said, patting him on the shoulder. "There's minutes on my computer for subspace communication. He's waiting for you to call."

"Thanks, Doc," he answered, wiping sudden tears from his eyes.

McCoy patted his back again before leaving him to his call.

🌹

"Doctor?"

"Mhm?"

"Why did you do it?"

McCoy looked at Chekov, who was eyeing wound on his arm with deep concern.

"Reflex," he lied, finishing ripping his uniform shirt into bandages. He turned his eyes away, focusing on tying off and tending the wound until the ion storm ended and they could contact the Enterprise.

"Captain Kirk is right. You are a terrible liar, sir."

He snorted, tying off his makeshift sling. He'd taken a rather severe cut from a spear from one of the inhabitants of this supposedly uninhabited planet. The spear had been aimed at Chekov, but he had managed to push the kid out of the way just in time.

"Captain Kirk can mind his own business."

"Doctor..."

McCoy sighed, leaning back against the cave wall. Chekov joined him, still looking at him with wide-eyed worry.

"You remind me of Joanna."

"Huh?"

"I did it because you remind me of Joanna."

"Who is Joanna?"

"My daughter. My whole world. I don't get to see her often, but she's my pride and joy."

"And I remind you of her?"

"Yeah. Can't explain it. It's probably because you're so young, or some misplaced guilt about not being there to protect JoJo that makes me want to look out for you instead that the psychologist really doesn't wanna think too much about."

He shrugged, closing his eyes.

"That, and I'm a doctor, and your senior officer. Not gonna let you get hurt if I can help it."

Running for their lives had worn him out, it seems. Chekov studied him for a moment before placing his head on his shoulder.

"You are very much the papa I always wanted. My grandmother, she told me stories about him. He was a good man. If he was... If I had known him longer, I would have liked for him to be like you, Doctor."

He felt a strong hand ruffle his hair.

"Get some rest, kid. I'll keep watch."

Chekov smiled, allowing his own eyes to close. He fell asleep wondering if McCoy would laugh or be angry that he had become, as the captain said, a "mama bear."

🌹

Spock stood beside Captain Kirk's hospital bed, arms folded behind his back. He had come to check on the progress of McCoy's serum on their friend. But, also, he was here to check on McCoy. Nyota had expressed worry over him that morning after visiting.

"You want a seat, Spock?"

He turned as the doctor entered the room, a cup of coffee in one hand and a PADD in the other.

"No, thank you, Doctor."

McCoy set the coffee aside, moving to the bed to compare the data on the PADD to the biobed readings. As Spock watched him, he began to really notice the state the doctor was in. His eyes were bloodshot, ringed in dark circles, his hair sticking at odd angles, as though he had run his fingers through it many times. He hadn't shaved, and was looking rather gaunt.

"When did you last sleep, Leonard?"

"Does it matter, Spock?"

"I think it would matter to the captain. And... I admit to a concern, as well."

"May miracles never cease," McCoy muttered, and they both knew what miracle he was praying for.

"Doctor, you must rest. The captain's status is unlikely to change in the time it would take for you to eat and sleep."

"I can't, Spock. Not right now."

"Why?"

"Because he needs me."

"He needs all of you, Leonard. Not a shell of yourself."

McCoy's shoulders sagged at that.

"I don't want to leave him," he admitted. "I promised I wouldn't leave him."

"You do not have to leave him. You could bring a cot into this room, perhaps. Shower in the en suite, and eat the meals Nyota has been bringing you."

"When I try to sleep, Spock, all I can see is him in that chamber. In that damn body bag in my medbay. It... It hurts, Spock. In a very human way, it hurts. It- this grief, it's like a wound, Spock."

"As you so often tell me, Leonard, you are a doctor. You treat wounds, better than most. You are healing the captain. The best way to heal that grief is to continue to do so. But if you damage yourself with overwork, you will not be able to care for him to the best of your abilities."

McCoy was silent for a moment before nodding.

"You're right... Thank you, Spock."

"It is... My pleasure, Leonard."

When he visited again that night, he found McCoy asleep on a cot not far from Kirk's bed, PADD still in hand. He had showered and shaved. The plate Nyota had sent him was now empty, and someone, presumably nurse Chapel, had covered him with the knitted blanket that he usually kept on the couch in his office.

Spock allowed himself to feel relieved, and quietly retreated, turning down the lights as he did so. The next morning, Kirk woke up.

🌹

"He may be a little disoriented when he wakes up," M'Benga told the assembled officers. "It was touch and go there, and we nearly lost him a few times. But I do believe he will make a full recovery."

"You are sure?" Chekov asked, his face pale. Sulu had his hand on his back for support.

"Yes. He is stable. Now all he needs is rest."

"Thank you," Kirk spoke up, gripping one of McCoy's hands from his place beside his bed. "Bones couldn't have been in better hands."

"You remind him of that when he wakes up," M'Benga laughed quietly, his calm manner helping ease the tension in the crowd. "You can talk to him now, too. Even if he doesn't hear you, it'll help him to have friendly voices around."

Scotty coughed to hide a relieved sniffle, and patted Kirk's shoulder amiably.

"Why don't you start, Captain?"

Kirk nodded, thinking.

"Bones, you know we all love you, right? So you've gotta come back to us. It's not the same without you here yelling at me."

"Indeed, Doctor. Your colorful metaphors are... Missed." Spock looked down the line of visitors expectantly.

"Da, and you promised to let us talk to Joanna next time she called you!" Chekov watched the sleeping man eagerly.

"Yeah, she and Demora are going to space camp together," Sulu pitched in. "If you don't wake up soon, who's gonna tell them how dangerous it is?"

Nyota laughed at that, and everyone (save Spock) grinned.

"Aye, Len. And you're gonna have to be the one to tell Jaylah what happened, you know," Scotty said. "Otherwise the lassie's likely to steal a ship and come all the way from Earth to make sure you aren't still hurt."

"What about you, Uhura?" Kirk asked. "You know how he likes to hear you sing. Why don't you sing one of his favorites."

"Good idea," she nodded, thinking. "I know just the one."

Soon the medbay was filled with her soft, comforting voice.

"I'll keep you safe..."

🌹 This was a long one! Thank you for reading! This was based on a prompt by @hlabounty96 ! I hope you enjoyed! 🌹

#leonard mccoy #james t kirk #jim kirk #spock #nyota uhura #scotty star trek #pavel chekov #hikaru sulu #star trek aos #star trek #my writing

[thesconesyard]

In the Still

Jim, Part 1

The realization came on slowly. Jim couldn’t decide how long it had been going on. But now that he noticed, he couldn’t help see it.

Leonard McCoy was a man who moved. He was motion. To say he fidgeted would be unfair. His work kept him moving. Around medbay, around patients. Hypos loaded, blankets pulled up. Updating charts, stocking supplies. Running, when engineering or the transporter room called. Deft, minute movements to complete a surgery. Pull through an old fashioned stitch, flick on a regen. In his medbay domain his movements were a dance of life.

Outside of his work and his medbay, his movement followed. He bounced on his toes. He rolled his shoulders. His fingers tapped rhythms and heartbeats. A toe might tap under a table. He would roll a drink glass between his hands. There was always something.

People looked at Jim and expected nervous energy to manifest itself, but it was McCoy who moved.

So when Jim suddenly noticed the movements had stopped, he didn’t know what to think.

What was different?

They were in one of the rec rooms. That was normal. They were having a drink. Also normal. Scotty and Sulu were with them. Normal.

The drinks? Couldn’t be. Jim and McCoy had been drinking together for as long as they had known each other. He’d seen McCoy drunk out of his mind and he may even have been more in motion then.

It was the same if the doctor was tired. He yawned. Then would he begin to fidget. Anything to fight off sleep when he wasn’t ready.

Bad days left him agitated. Good days made him warm and more willing to touch and spread goodwill.

No. Jim knew McCoy through and through and this was baffling.

He began to watch the doctor. McCoy still laughed. He talked and joked. But there was some peace settled on him. A warm blanket wrapped around stilling him. Even when he slept he wasn’t this quiet in his body.

Jim was determined to figure this out, because as he thought back, this wasn’t the first time this had happened.

To be continued…

#star trek #James T Kirk #Leonard McCoy #Montgomery Scott #scones #pre-scones #bones x scotty #scotty x bones #In the Still

[prisonhannibal]

today in nursing school I learned that there's a type of unipolar depression called "major depressive disorder with mixed features" or "major depressive disorder with subthreshold hypomania". It's basically when people with unipolar clinical depression get "agitated depressive episodes", where they experience depression but also some symptoms of hypomania at the same time (but not enough to be diagnosed with bipolar 2). So it's like depression but Faster... which sounds awful... And it's thought that up to 20-40% of people diagnosed with clinical depression have this subtype. Anyway, for some reason I found this weirdly cool to think about. We humans like to divide things neatly into categories... we tend to think of things in absolutes... but things in nature are rarely black and white, and the lines between experiences of health and illness are often very blurry. So mood disorders sort of lie on a spectrum, from complete unipolar depression, to bipolar depression and mania, (and some mental health experts say there are even rare cases of people experiencing unipolar mania, with no or only very mild depression). In order to design an effective treatment strategy, psychiatrists and other MH professionals have to figure out roughly whereabouts on that spectrum your experiences fall.

yeah!! this ask was interesting to read, mood disorders are so weird to think about tbh.

like how there’s such an overlap with symptoms, and some of them can appear as other disorders but need to be treated in a different way, and they respond differently to medications etc. and how MDD with family history of bipolar can be different. Personally I had unipolar depression for like three years before my first hypomanic episode, and to me it would make sense to say I didn’t have bipolar disorder yet. But when I got treated for depression I got worse, so the disorder was already there and apparently it’s possible that me being put on antidepressants contributed to me having an earlier onset of bipolar than average (looking back now, I wasn’t diagnosed at the time). So was I bipolar the entire time? It’s weird because that means you can seem to have MDD for like ten years and actually be bipolar

I’ve said it before but being diagnosed was one of the best things to happen to me. after i started mood stabilizers it was like I could finally think clearly for the first time in years like my brain cleared up and I didn’t even realize how foggy everything was before. It’s like when you have a fever and when it goes away you’re like omg my brain works. or like getting new glasses and being like wtf I can see the leaves on trees??? they literally could remove several diagnoses almost immediately because it literally was all just bipolar disorder. but I was in the mental health system for years and when I was treated for other things I just didn’t get better, and then it took like 4 weeks to see drastic improvement on the right meds

and some people without bipolar disorder can benefit from mood stabilizers, some people with bipolar can use antidepressants (personally I can’t), some combine them. it’s weird to think about. I wonder how many people are actually misdiagnosed lol

and drawing the lines can be hard too. like with ppl who have an underlying risk of hypo/mania but have only shown signs of depression, or where exactly does hypomania become mania? For example, I’m not sure what it says in my papers, but I’m pretty sure I’m either bipolar 2 or bipolar not specified. But since i’ve experienced psychosis and being hospitalized for an elevated mood episode once (depression+full on psychotic mania), it TECHNICALLY is bipolar 1, but except for that one time, I live my life as if it’s bipolar 2 because I only have hypomanic episodes. what does that mean? and you can literally have only depressive episodes your entire life except for one manic episode and that’s still bipolar

sorry for the rambling and I don’t mean to be condescending because you obviously know a lot of this stuff because of nursing school, but this ask just made me Think about my experiences as a bipolar person

[hailbop1701]

Fleet Week

October 5, 2021 (Stabbed)

Word Count: 2,018

This one has to be one of my favorites! Not beta-read (yet I think it may be updated later on) but I hope you enjoy it anyway!

-H

Masterlist

Starfleet medical was bustling with activity, this was due to the fact it was the busiest time of the year. Fleet Week; like the days of old. Fleet Week was the tradition of being in a port town for shore leave. Now it was when multiple fleet vessels were orbiting Earth for some well-deserved shore leave at home.

San Francisco is sprawling with multiple different species with multiple different diseases, drugs, and STDs. So this means that the local hospitals were overflowing and doctors and nurses were at their wit’s end.

“Fucking Fleet Week,”

One doctor growled his southern drawl more pronounced after working the ER for the past seven hours after his regular thirteen-hour shift. Rushing in and out between cubicles of overflowing patients, he saw almost ten people in the last ten minutes. And he definitely saw more than he ever wanted to, but unfortunately, that’s the job.

Doctor Leonard McCoy scowled his way through the throngs of people in the Emergency room, upon seeing him they parted like the Red Sea. He looked down at his PADD with a grumble, the man he had just treated had shoved several data chips down his throat in hopes to hide the information from the police. McCoy rolled his eyes and signed the PADD before shoving it into the hands of the officer who brought the guy in, “Watch him closer next time,” he growled as he walked past.

Taking another PADD from the nurse who was trailing him. “Cube seven, multiple lacs, and a dislocated shoulder.” She said with pursed lips. McCoy stopped and looked at her and then the name on the PADD.

“Really?”

The nurse shrugged, “He asked for you specifically,” she crossed her arms knowing exactly how to deal with the cantankerous doctor. Throwing up his hands in defeat, Leonard strode over to the cubicle and glared at its occupant. Sitting there with a shit-eating grin was James T. Kirk. He was bleeding from multiple different deep cuts and gently held his arm to his chest,

“Hey Bones!” the kid greeted and McCoy snorted his brewing headache steadily growing worse and worse. The stabbing pain made him wince ever so slightly as he moved to examine his battered friend.

“Damnit Jim,” the doctor muttered. Kirk winced but laughed as McCoy gently poked and prodded at him. “I swear it wasn’t my fault this time!” the young cadet said hissing in pain when he accidentally jostled his shoulder. McCoy hummed sounding unconvinced,

“Yeah, who was she?” he asked looking at Kirk with a raised eyebrow. The kid laughed dryly and nodded, “Lucy…” he breathed and then frowned,

“Shit, I forgot to get her comm. number.”

McCoy shook his head looking exasperated. Clicking his tongue Leonard gestured for the nurse to take Kirk’s other side. Together they managed to get the cadet’s shoulder back into place. Jim gritted his teeth but otherwise didn’t make a sound; unsurprised McCoy took the hypo the nurse offered and unceremoniously jabbed it into Kirk's neck. The young man yelped,

“I thought you were supposed to do that before putting my shoulder back into place?!”

Leonard gave his best friend a smirk and shrugged, “I forgot,” he said innocently tapping away at his PADD. Jim grumbled curses under his breath, he slowly laid down, shifting uncomfortably as the nurse began to clean him up and place a regen unit on his lacerations.

A loud shriek and crash from outside made Leonard fumble and drop his PADD to the floor with a shatter. Kirk sat up quickly and groaned in pain at the sudden movement. The screaming and shouting continued, “Stay here!” he ordered his patient and nurse. Striding out into the bay McCoy swiveled and saw immediately what the problem was.

A very large man was rampaging through the ER. “Fucking Fleet Week,” he snarled. Rushing over to a sealed medical cabinet Leonard placed his hand on the scanner. It beeped and lit up green before opening with a low hiss. Grabbing a detox hypo and a potent sedative Leonard moved cautiously back into the fray.

The man was wrecking and tearing apart the ER was practically naked; right down to his skivvies. Leonard eyed the screaming snarling man as he quietly approached, ‘Elevated body temperature, confusion, extreme agitation, adrenaline-induced strength. He was either drugged or taking drugs, it’s similar to old PCP.’ he thought mind running a mile a minute.

McCoy froze as the heavily drugged male roared and kicked a biobed, patients, nurses, and doctors alike screamed and quickly moved out of the way. That’s when he saw it, the knife. Huffing a quiet sigh Leonard eased himself forward as quietly and quickly as possible.

When he was only a good five feet away McCoy stashed his hypos up his sleeves and straightened. He gave a shrill whistle gaining the attention of his new patient, the man whirled around screaming at the medical cadet. Leonard didn’t flinch, instead, he made eye contact and slowly raised his empty hands in a placating gesture.

“Easy now big fella,” he said keeping his voice calm and even. The man screamed and kicked a hoverchair out of his way; it missed McCoy by several feet but it didn’t make the security team that just arrived any less twitchy. “Easy, I just want to help. If you put the knife down we’ll get you some water,” Leonard offered hoping that the man’s thirst outweighed his need for violence.

The man seemed to relax slightly, he lowered the knife so it was by his side instead of pointed at McCoy. Leonard moved a touch closer hands still raised and visible.

“Okay now if you want that water, I need ya to sit down for me,”

The man looked at the doctor numbly before heavily sitting down on a gurney. McCoy breathed a little bit easier and tried to not focus solely on the knife that was still in his patient’s hands. He was almost standing in front of the drugged-out individual when his luck took a turn for the worst. The area had been silent, everyone was watching with bated breath, keeping silent in fear that the slightest noise might provoke the man again. They were right.

Someone stepped back, but by doing so sent medical instruments crashing to the floor. The noise was deafening. Time stood still, McCoy’s eyes widened as the man in front of him reared up like a spooked horse. Knowing he had very little time Leonard pulled the two hypos from his sleeves. Security fired their phasers, bystanders screamed and ducked for cover, McCoy called out trying to stop them. But it was too late.

The man was on the ground smoking, multiple phaser wounds covered his chest and stomach. McCoy raced forward and checked his pulse, there was none to be found. Growling he glared up at the boys in red,

“Bones!”

Kirks’s voice echoed over the revived hustle and bustle of the ER; doctors and nurses moved with renewed energy trying to reestablish some kind of order to things. Jim ran over to him but stopped short when he saw the body being lifted off the ground,

“You okay Bones?” Jim asked warily upon seeing the thunderous anger on the country doctor’s face. Tired hazel eyes met worried blue ones, “I’m-” Leonard sighed and shook his head in disappointment.

“Let’s finish getting you fixed up and discharged,”

Under normal circumstances, Jim would have groaned and moaned but he figured in this case he thought it would be best if he did as he was told. Kirk sat silently on his exam bed as Bones flittered around the room doing some unnecessary straightening as the regen unit was doing its work. Jim chewed on the inside of his cheek nervously, he wanted to talk to his best friend, to say something that would make him feel better but he just couldn’t come up with the right words. Kirk wholeheartedly blamed the painkiller he was on.

Jim sat up when he saw it, at his sudden movement and hiss of pain McCoy turned. He opened his mouth to berate the young cadet but it fell short. Leonard staggered feeling suddenly light-headed.

“Bones, you’re bleeding!” Jim gasped, Leonard followed his gaze. He was right, there on his right side was a giant blossom of red coating his uniform. Cursing under his breath he was beginning to feel it, the bloodloss, and now that his adrenaline was dissipating the pain and fatigue. “Damn he must’a knicked me,” he murmured sounding annoyed. Jim spluttered,

“We need help, why don’t you-”

McCoy held up his hand silencing his best friend mid-sentence. “No need to fuss, Jim, I got it,”

Kirk’s jaw went slack as he watched McCoy sit heavily on a stool and lift up his shirt. Jim blinked, sure he was inclined to a special male friend every once and a while. But Bones was off-limits. Only brotherly love there. Jim couldn’t help but think,

‘Damn Bones where did you hide the abs?’

“This puts a whole new spin on ‘Physician heal thyself,” he said aloud with a snicker. McCoy rolled his eyes. ‘This isn’t the worst thing I’ve had to fix,’ he thought with a slight grimace.

Leonard pulled his shirt up and held the ruined fabric in between his teeth. He leaned back and examined the bloody wound, grunting in annoyance he reached out blindly for the cleaning wipes that had been left on the tray beside Kirk’s bed.

Upon finding what he was looking for McCoy expertly cleaned away the blood only hissing at the occasional sting the alcohol made.

“Bones, are you sure you don’t want me to call a nurse or something?” Jim asked disbelief coloring his tone. McCoy curled his lip,

“No, they’re busy with half of the galaxy and their mother. I’ll be fine,”

Kirk cocked his head to the side only managing to decipher half of what his best friend said; his mouth already preoccupied with his shirt made him sound completely muffled.

The blood finally cleaned away despite more and more leaking from the open wound Leonard grabbed the portable regen unit. Flicking it on he carefully placed it on his abdomen. Sighing the doctor looked up,

“What?” he asked raising a single eyebrow at his dumbfounded speechless friend. Jim just shook his head,

“You look like you’ve done this before,” he muttered with a dry chuckle. Leonard snorted and nodded at the kid’s guess. Leonard let go of his shirt allowing it to fall and rest on the regen unit he held.

“Jim, I worked the ER in Atlanta. Things occasionally got a little hairy,”

Kirk stared at the country doctor like he had grown three heads and sprouted wings. McCoy snickered, “Boy, I’ve seen some shit in my time, ain’t no little cut is going to stop me from doin’ my job,” Leonard’s southern drawl became pronounced. So pronounced that it made McCoy wince and wrinkle his nose. Jim pressed his lips into a thin line, the appearance of McCoy’s accent meant the older man was tired. Very tired. He knew that the doctor hid his drawl almost as if he were self-conscious of it. Kirk remembered once hearing Bones admit (heavily drunk, mind you) that people tended to not take him as seriously. It may have been the twenty-third century but there were still biases.

The regen unit beeped happily and lit up green. McCoy lifted it away and examined the wound again. Grunting in approval he set the regenerator down and grabbed a thick gauze bandage, glancing up he gave a little shrug,

“Knowing my luck, I’ll end up opening it back up,” he muttered wryly. Jim snorted and shook his head, “Man you can’t say shit to me now. You’re just as bad!” he accused with a grin. McCoy rolled his eyes,

“Sorry Kid doesn’t work that way. I don’t go searchin’ for trouble,”

Jim barked out a laugh, “Bullshit!”

Leonard rolled his eyes and scowled hoping to hide the slight smile that wants to spread across his face.

Tags:

Everything: @lauraaan182, @chickadee-djarin, @cowenby2, @bluesclues-1234,@sayuri9908

WhumpTober: @theatrevicki, @ekna1307

#whumptober2021 #leonard bones mccoy #leonard mccoy #star trek aos #james t kirk #jim kirk #hailey the queen of typos #yeah the readshirts went hard #just go with it

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

#ACLA24 #ACLA24HighSchoolStudents #youtube #youtube video #climate leaders #climate solutions #climate action #climate and environment #climate #climate change #climate and health #climate blog #climate justice #climate news #weather and climate #environmental news #environment #environmental awareness #environment and health #environmental #environmental issues #environmental education #environmental justice #environmental protection #environmental health #high school students #high school #youth #youth of america #school