#also if anyone has a quote that would be a better caption

[confusedartblog]

The first night back from Rome

#niccolo santi #Christopher Wolfe #The Great Library series #the great library fan art #Ink and Bone #paper and fire #Rachel Caine #ash and quill #smoke and iron #sword and pen #im ready to cause emotional damage #also if anyone has a quote that would be a better caption #dm me #I wanted like something santi said #about wolfe coming back from rome #but I dont have time to comb through all the books #to find it so

[nova-streyart]

The Thing about Belos Nobody Mentions

There's an aspect of Belos I haven't seen anyone talk about yet: him potentially being on the schizophrenia spectrum, or schizospec for short, and everything that means. Before you say anything, I am a schizoaffective person. This is my interpretation. This is based off my own experiences with this disorder, and my own research.

Analysis and rant under the cut:

=ANALYSIS=

So this all started when I learned that one of the color design pieces had Caleb and the grimwalkers labelled "Golden Guard Illusion". Artists credited in the image itself.

It's weird to me that they're labeled as illusions and not hallucinations, because the latter is what the ghosts actually are. Illusions are images your brain distorts based off something that's there, while hallucinations are images your brain creates from nothing. The fact that these ghosts are actually hallucinations of Belos and not real ghosts doesn't say a whole lot about Belos on its own, because anyone can hallucinate if they experience intense enough negative emotions. But you'll see why I think there's something more to this.

Following this lead, I rewatched the scene where Papa Titan talks to Luz in the In-Between realm in the series finale. After Luz asks him whether her motivation to save her friends and family makes her just as bad as Belos, she tells her:

"Well, you assume Belos' goal comes from a genuine place. But that man doesn't care about anything but his need to be the hero in his own delusion."

Let me give you a short lesson about delusions in the context of schizospec disorders: Delusions are firmly held beliefs that the person experiencing can't be convinced aren't true. This can be extremely serious and life-threatening, such as as believing all your food's been poisoned. But it can also be harmless; it really depends on the delusion. The type of delusion referenced here would be a delusion of grandeur, which is a real thing in schizospec disorders. Such delusions can be serious, like believing you're the second coming of god, or more harmless, like believing you're better than others.

Taking both the hallucinations and the delusion into mind, it's very possible that Belos has some kind of schizospec disorder.

=RANT=

Let's talk about that scene where Belos goes to the grimwalker cave. Notice how the hallucinations are played for laughs? That's problematic. Hallucinations are not something you can just tell to "shut up" and they'll go away. Hallucinations are not things you can interact with. There's already other media with this problem, such as A Beautiful Mind, but the fact that it's in a show that's supposed to be celebrating neurodivergence is hypocritical.

Let's briefly go back to that Papa Titan quote. See how he used the word "delusion" to describe Belos' motivation?Yeah, that's really problematic in the schizospec community. As mentioned before, delusions can be life threatening, so tossing that word around like it's nothing is really frustrating and insulting. The show should have used a word like "fantasy" to get its point across more effectively if it was implying that Belos has a hero complex.

Continuing this train of thought, it gets worse when you consider how Papa Titan- and in essence the narrative- is essentially ridiculing Belos for experiencing a very intense delusion. Delusions are not something a schizospec person can control. I've already seen the fandom mocking Belos for this quality. It was one of those awful memes with the caption "schizophrenia," and had audio of markiplier doing a bit where he was bantering with an "inner voice". Such memes are awful because they're not real experiences schizospec people go through. They're assumptions about our experiences non-schizospec people make about us.

That would be the worst of it, but no, it gets far worse when you consider a few things:

Belos is the main antagonist. That would be annoying enough, considering the plethora of mentally ill villains in media, but nope. The narrative also treats him as this purely evil being who is incapable of any good whatsoever. Which, OK. It's possible for a schizospec person to be a monster. But the fact that the only schizospec representation we have is either of us as helpless victims, or as irredeemable monsters, is infuriating.

Belos is clearly meant to be a foil to Luz. Which, congrats to the show for having a neurodivergent lead, but let me tell you about some of the hardships schizospec people face: In real life, schizospec people are cast out of mental health advocacy groups. Schizospec people are treated as subhuman by doctors and psychiatrists. Schizospec people are demonized and vilified by society. Schizospec people are denied jobs and housing. With all this in mind the fact the narrative chooses to glorify a character with the "right," the "acceptable," kind of neurodivergence while berating a character with the "scary," the "monstrous," kind of neurodivergence is absolutely disgusting.

=CONCLUSION=

I feel like it has to be said that I am not condoning Belos' actions, or trying to woobify him. Belos, as a person, was terrible. No amount of mental illness tacked onto him will excuse any of his actions.

I'm also not trying to imply that schizospec characters can't be evil. I'm just saying that it's extremely tiresome that the only representation we get is either us as victims or as villains.

To conclude all of this, please, do your research before adding something like this into your story.

#long post #rant post #toh critical #toh criticism #belos #toh belos #emperor belos #philip wittebane #toh philip wittebane

[anon-maly]

Danganronpa Characters using Social Media

Ok so I've gotten obsessed over the idea of how Hope's Peak Academy students would use social media

I just want them to be normal happy high school teens acting like normal happy high school teens… is that too much to ask for…? 😔

A lot of the Ultimates would have verified tags on social media

I feel like the students with the most followers on social media would be Junko Enoshima, Sayaka Maizono, Sonia Nevermind, and uhh can't think of anyone else rn lol

There would also be a lot of Ultimates who refuse to make their account public and keep their social media engagement to be just within their friends and mutuals

Some I can think of on the top of my head are Kyoko Kirigiri, uhhh you probably get the point, there's a lot to list

Hajime Hinata would be the type of person to have a private Instagram account with around 200 something followers, even though he is one of the most popular/well-known people at Hope's Peak Academy

He would barely ever post anything (but I also HC him to post clips of him doing stuff like playing basketball on his story)

Nagito Komaeda would be following thousands of people, but only have a few hundred followers.

Still, he would have more followers than Hajime, and Nagito’s account would be set public He would post aesthetic photos with inspirational/hopeful quotes in the caption

Junko Enoshima would be the opposite: she would have hundreds of thousands followers but follow only like 10 people

But the people she follows are unexpected. For example, she would not follow Mukuro Ikusaba, her twin sister, but follow Makoto Naegi

She would also follow Yasuke Matsuda and Ryoko Otonashi, because I think it would be funny if some famous celebrity followed private accounts with only like 30 followers

Junko Enoshima has an account for Monokuma on all social media platforms she’s on.

Notable things she posts there are “Monokuma Theatre” clips, and also uses those accounts to shit on stuff (like Hope’s Peak Academy) while role playing in her Monokuma character

Also think it’s worth mentioning that while Nagito Komaeda posts interviews with Hope’s Peak Academy students to talk about how hopeful their talents are, Junko Enoshima uses her Monokuma account to slander HPA students and their talents

Izuru Kamukura would get an Instagram account but never use it. He only uses it when someone convinces him to add him.

Would have no profile pic or bio

Has like 12 followers. Follows back 8

A private account with thousands of requests because Junko Enoshima keeps tagging him

Idk why but something makes me feel like a lot of the V3 students would be TikTokers

Especially Tsumugi Shirogane because that's self-explanatory

Other V3 characters I can think of from the top of my mind that I can see being TikTokers with no proper explanation are

Angie Yonaga being those "mindfulness" social media influencers (for the lack of a better term)

Himiko Yumeno posting magic TikToks

Rantaro Amami. I can see him making stereotypical TikToks (like ones that do makeup stuff, trends, act hot, IDK THESE HCS ARE GETTING WEIRD??)

#danganronpa #danganronpa headcanons #no despair

[artofkhaos404]

It's so bizarre to me that I never see anyone talking about or addressing this, so I will.

TX2 is a popular upcoming emo/pop punk artist. He is phenomenal singer, has a great sound- mountains of potential. There's a couple songs by him I enjoy. However, all that being said, he makes me sick.

He makes frequent jokes about depression and self harm on his YouTube channel- creating skits that treat these real and horrible issues like humor. While doing this he also fuels the stigma of associating the emo subculture with self harm.

He is releasing a song called "Walking Dead Man." The subject of it is a friend of his that died of an overdose. Needless to say, this is a very deep and sensitive topic. The loss of a soul should be revered and honored. Every decent person can agree it's a serious conversation to have. Not a joke.

Yet here he is, releasing comedy skits centered around the song with captions like "IS THIS THE SADDEST EMO SONG OF ALL TIME?!" It's disgusting. One of these skits showed a friend of his listening to it and responding "I think I have depression!"

What an oversimplification and invalidation of mental illness. Also during these skits he makes comments like "You're not emo if you've never hurt yourself!" If this is supposed to be satire, it is not clear enough. I chalked it up as an attempt at satire and self depreciation humor until the release of his recent skits on the topic of overdose. It's disrespectful, it's hurtful and it's toxic.

Another thing that bothers me is a song of his called "Randy McNally (No Love Like Christian Hate." I think the title alone says enough, but I'll continue.

I would like to start this discussion by directly quoting the lyrics of the song:

"There's no love like Christian hate. Let's all count down 'till judgment day."

"I know you want us fags to burn in flames."

"Put a bullet in a kid's head, they think they got the sickness if they're not dressed up straight."

I don't talk about politics much on here because I'm an Anarchist. I believe that it's best to stay out of that mess and most productive to work on changing the world how you can in your own life, without the involvement of government. Now, that being said, you already know how I feel about politicians. I'm not at all familiar with the politician he is speaking of here. That's not what I have an issue with. What I have an issue with is this MASSIVE generalization!

He's accusing my people of hate when he's the one releasing a song disrespecting me and my Jesus! There's one verse where he says in a mocking tone "Do you think Jesus loves me?"

YES TX2, I DO!

I'm aware there are Christians who act hateful towards the LGBTQ community. Some Christians believe homosexuality is moral and some believe it isn't. Regardless of what you believe, there's two main commandments God gives us in the Bible. Everything about our lifestyle can be summed up in two rules: Love God and love each other. So the people wanting to shoot gay boys for wearing a skirt? They're not true Christians. The Bible strictly forbids murder in the ten commandments. That's not Christianity! That's using my Jesus to justify your violence.

And by the way, I'm a big supporter for cross dressing. I wear suits and whatnot all the time, it's what I feel best in, and I think everyone (gay or straight!) should wear what they feel best in.

Now, there are Christians and Muslims alike who respectfully don't participate in or don't support homosexual people's lifestyles. That isn't hate. There's nothing hateful about choosing not to participate in something for religious reasons IF you do not hurt or be hateful towards those who do. It's all about mutual respect. If people choose not to support LGBTQ in order to better serve their God and live their life, you need to respect it. Just like Christians and Muslims should respect the fact that some people are attracted to the same sex or have pronouns that are not typical "he" or "she."

So, in summary, he is recklessly defending trans rights yet he is being disrespectful towards and dumbing down the struggles of the mentally ill. He is propagating and worsening already crippling stereotypes for both Christians and emos, all the while acting like some social justice savior. You don't have to bring some groups of people down to lift other groups up.

Equality, not revenge. Love, not hate.

That's true social justice.

That's uncensored, raw, authentic punk.

That's what I believe.

#TX2 #pop punk #emo #politics #political #Christianity #Christian emo #faith #respect for all #respect #love #love one another #actually mentally ill #mental health awareness #mental illness #self harm #sh #recovery #alternative #punk #alt #Christian punk #christian alt #social justice #lgbtq #stereotypes #Christian love #Christian Anarchy #cross dressing #stop hate

[m3rkur3]

i think this article has a lot of important things to say but does a bad job of saying them

I think something I find very weird about this article is the fact that its titled the way it is. like why is AJN in the title? It’s clickbaity and a little unprofessional. And I don’t even disagree with 99% of what it’s saying, the likelihood that 90% of the story is true is quite high. However, there are so few sources that can actually be traced back. There’s some very unneeded speculation. Alexander J Newall being targeted only in the title with nothing in the article really blaming him for anything is just weird. he's the ceo, yes, but you have placed your (named) blame within the article almost entirely on this one callum dougherty.

The fact that it was retweeted by a former TMA voice actor is pretty compelling. And the fact that former people who worked with Rusty Quill whether as volunteers or staff can attest to their poor communication. And bad practices in general. I mean I pretty much do believe a lot of it. Just I find the lack of concrete evidence within the article and the lack of good journalistic practice to detract a lot from the message of the article.

Also names of characters in TMA as pseudonyms feels very unserious. When I reached the bit that was talking about Georgie and Melanie I was like come on please be for real. like this is serious business😭. also I’m seeing the author does a freelancing work with another podcasting company and it’s been argued that they were only freelancing so it’s not that big of a deal. But I don’t know I don’t like that.

Either way the people we really need to think about other people affected by rqs bad practices. I think it really is just incompetence. But they could really really really do better. Also the fact of the author is blocking anyone with any criticism on Twitter??? I don’t think that proves anything other than that they do not know how to make their article look good. That coupled with the weird journalistic choices and the caption they put on their Twitter ("make your statement face your fear" LMFAO?! how unnecessary! again, be serious!) it really does make them look less credible even though in reality the article has legs.

at the end of the day i think it just needed more time. i get the point of releasing this as soon as possible to give fans much needed info on what their fav company is doing in the midst of their kickstarter (lmfao idk i find that quite funny) just… it wasn't done very well or with much thought as to how to actually deal with people who disagree. and by “well” i mean you cannot release an article full of unverifiable info with your (admittedly not TOO damning) background and not one first hand verifiable quote and expect no “hmmm…”s. cuz the author is out here blocking people lmfao. not for disagreeing with the points in the article but for saying “hey i'm not sure you have put much thought into how you wrote this!”

i also think it's very annoying the way people are in the comments of podcasters working under rusty quill talking about the article saying "but u can't say other people didn't experience this!!!' they're not saying that brother. they're responding directly to the “podcasters under rq won't say anything bc theyre not allowed!!!!!” portion of it which i would respond to, too, like don't be silly. like fuck u niggas no one can fucking gag me dont say that😭. again again again… i am very very VERY inclined to believe almost everything in said article. i just find its release into the world and its writing to be a little… subpar. better than nothing i guess. tho is it? people have literally been saying everything here about rq for a while. save the suing and contract stuff i think and even then, you cannot bring up something as serious as SUING and not elaborate lmao! good concept bad execution imo. anywaysssss

I don’t know I just feel like it’s a little bit juvenile for what it’s meant to be and what I think it’s meant to be is an important expose which actually says important things but does it weakly.

TLDR; this article has a lot of important things to say about rusty quill's bad practices but it does it in ways that are very unprofessional. Speculation and the clickbaity title and the lack of concrete sources and twitter caption and the author whose freelance work may or may not be relevant to disclose in an article about their ex-clients competition and the substitution of anonymous names with characters from the Magnus archives. They all paint a picture of a very inexperienced writer whose work amounts mostly to an opinion piece. However I am inclined to believe the allegations made in said article for the reason that there have been a lot of people who previously worked with rusty quill saying the same thing. or mostly the same thing. I just think this article uncovered very little new information and something about it seems mean-spirited, almost as if it was for something that isn’t just the betterment of the affected peoples conditions. But that’s just speculation 😛and honestly just my feelings, not backed up by anything. For me this is more an exercise in analysing an article in general than it is analysing the situation at hand. I’m a writer at heart I’m sorry

#rusty quill #the Article #the magnus archives #i basically just rewrote what i put in my notes before and put it in a post so if u saw this already fuck you its not my fault you can read #sorry i can't get over the characters names being used as pseudonyms #be fucking for real please #i want to take you seriously #this is a serious thing!!! #actual allegations of business mismanagement and treating the people who make what your revenue depends on poorly! #workers rights!!!!!! #and yet “make ur statement face your fear” #dont be silly now omg #also i guess i just thought this would be more of a bombshell than it was #idk #support creators but be careful!! capitalism will swallow up your favs #make them ceo #then give them a business to mismanage and workers to alienate #sorry:/

[juliandesousa]

Social Media Ethics

Question: The current state of social media ethics: what trends are happening in the industry?

The current state of social media ethics is okay but it could be better. Trends such as skinny jeans trend, tiktok trend, there are also dangerous trend such as the Benadryl challenge and the boat jumping challenge.

Question: What are two current cases related to social media ethics?

Two cases that are related to social media ethics are Twitter vs. Taamneh and Gonzalez v. Google. This case is about the plaintiff claiming that Twitter aided or helped ISIS in its terrorist attack in Istanbul, Turkey earlier this year. “The Supreme Court ruled that social media companies did not “aid or abet” an ISIS terrorist attack…”. The case involves ethics because the question is, is it ethical to think that social medias helped or influenced the attacks by not removing content. Gonzalez v. Google, This case is about an terrorist attack that was coordinated back in 2015 in Paris, France.

https://www.mtsu.edu/first-amendment/article/2244/twitter-v-taamneh#:~:text=In%20Twitter%2C%20Inc.,members%20and%20spread%20terrorist%20messages.

https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/22pdf/21-1333_6j7a.pdf

Outline the current code of ethics for social media by a professional organization you would be interesting in joining as part of their social media staff.

I would be interested in being a part of the American Red Cross organizations social media staff. The American Red Cross organizations code of ethics includes “Act with integrity and cooperation with any internal investigations into reports of unethical behavior”. Another code is “speak up if you become aware of possible violations of the code, Red Cross policies or laws.” This is their business code and code of ethics which applies to social media as well i believe.

https://www.redcross.org/content/dam/redcross/about-us/governance/Code-of-Business-Ethics-and-Conduct.pdf

Question: Brands/professionals with strong social media ethical codes: what brands are utilizing proper social media ethical practices?

Brands such as YouTube, Pinterest, and the brand PlayStation. YouTube’s code of ethics is “Hate speech, predatory behavior, graphic violence, malicious attacks, and content that promotes harmful or dangerous behavior isn’t allowed on YouTube”. PlayStation has 22 codes of conduct or ethics including “Do not organize hate groups or use or promote hate speech” and “Do not threaten, harm, bully, harass, troll, or stalk anyone, or encourage anyone to do so.” These brands or professionals utilize proper social media ethical practices which is helping or protecting others.

https://big-village.com/news/how-ethical-are-social-media-companies/#:~:text=Social%20Media%20Ethical%20Levels%20by%20Brand&text=The%20three%20ethical%20standouts%20were,3%20and%20Parler%20at%20%2D10.

https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/9288567?hl=en#:~:text=Hate%20speech%2C%20predatory%20behavior%2C%20graphic,isn%27t%20allowed%20on%20YouTube.

https://www.playstation.com/en-us/support/account/community-code-of-conduct/

Question: Are there any professionals that you feel practice strong ethical behavior on social media? Support your choice with evidence.

Max halloway, George St. Pierre, and Samuel L. Jackson I feel practice a strong ethical behavior on social media. I feel this way because they talk and post about being positive. George St. Pierre has a recent post about a Muhammad Ali quote with the caption “ Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life like a champion.” This quote talks about going through struggles to get stronger in the end. They talk a lot about respect in their business and in life as well as social media. https://instagram.com/georgesstpierre?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Question: What are some takeaways you can bring forth in your own practices?

Some takeaways I can bring forth in my own practices would be to stay positive, post positive content, and give life advice. Some more takeaways from these celebrities or professionals would be to help people outside of social media and try to positively influence people through social media.

Question: Key concepts and issues: what main concepts do you think are necessary to adhere to for your own personal conduct online?

Main concepts would be don’t be bias or judgmental and have integrity or a strong ethical/moral code. Some issues would be lying, not owning up to mistakes, and not knowing what is ethically right or wrong.

Question: What to do and what not to do: what main concepts do you feel strongly against and want to make sure you avoid on social media?

Main concepts that I want to avoid or that I feel strongly against would be posting harmful or negative posts, lying to the social media community, and going against my morals. I feel strongly against these because they are unethical or against my morals.

• Bullet point 5-10 core concepts that you will follow as a practicing social media professional. Include citations that you used

• Have integrity

• Stand on morals or moral code

• Do not be bias or judgmental

• Respect all opinions and ideas

• Give advice that benefits or helps others

#susisummer22definesocialmedia

[ohh-kaye]

2023 Resolutions

Not gonna lie. I failed miserably this year.

I don't know if I should retire this because I honestly just cannot be bothered.

EDIT: this reloaded and deleted all my progress. i will actually un-alive myself right now.

what a fucking mess

let’s review this nonsense. this is going to be extra extra salty because i can’t believe i have to fucking write all this bullshit again.

2022 Resolutions

1. Manage my finances (NO)

i didn’t even try at this. i made an excel sheet for the first payslip that i received and i didn’t even progress after that. i don’t know if i’ll ever be good at this because i can barely look at my bank account without retracting into myself. maybe i’ll use an app next time? 

2. Weekly IG dumps (YES)

I love that I did this. It was a good challenge because I actually had force myself to document something. I had to find something interesting that happened that day. I stopped taking photos of myself years ago because i couldn’t stand to exist in my life. I still don’t but I’m trying to be better at appreciating myself. I’m also easing myself back into social media without it manifesting itself into a toxic beast. i think i’m getting better at it.

there were days that i forgot to post on the friday so i would post the day after and my captions became less and less well thought out but i’m glad that i pushed myself to be out there a little bit.

3. New Instrument A Month (BAAHAHAAHAHAHAHA no)

I opened this tab of drumming basics. Did I open that tab at any point after january??? nope. to quote my brother “It’s impossible to learn a new instrument a month. That’s 12 instruments in total”. When he put it into perspective like that, I knew this goal was unachievable.

It’s okay though. I’m not super cut about this.

4. HelloFresh? Or any healthy food service? (NO)

I was highly considering this but in hindsight, there’s no practical way for this to be a applicable because there’s no space in the fridge. And my eating times have changed drastically this year. Mostly I’d be eating just lunch and dinner. Sometimes breakfast and lunch. Sometimes just breakfast. Sometimes just lunch. Sometimes just dinner. Rarely all three at the same time. And I’d eat at random points throughout the day. It’s a mess so I didn’t really think that this was that viable of an option to eat healthier.

5. 18 or more books (YES!)

This was only on here so that I could at least pass one thing. I read 19 books. I was aiming for 20 but I sadly didn’t make it. This challenge will present a lot harder in the next coming years because I’m averaging 18 ort 19 books a year. I really need to be better. Maybe write those long-ass reviews a bit quicker.

Honestly though the reviews take longer than necessary.

6. GET BANGS? or a new hairstyle? (YES!)

These were my COVID bangs. I think everyone will cut their bangs at one point or another and mine just happened to be during COVID when I was bored out of my mind.

7. Pass the GAMSAT? (let’s stop the nonsense)

what a mess. what do you think???

YES - 3

NO - 4

oof.

2023 Resolutions.

1. Read 20 books!

My Goodreads says 19. Tumblr says 20. Maybe this is just to push myself. I really want to read more books to prepare myself for my last challenge of 24 books in a year. So far it’s not possible but if I try hard enough. Maybe???

2. Book a hair appointment

nothing. AND I MEAN NOTHING has traumatised me more than that time when i was 10 years old and my mum took me to nail salon to have my hair cut into a boy cut as punishment because i didn’t brush my hair properly. NOTHING HAS TRAUMATISED ME MORE. I haven’t been into a hair salon in 9 years. that’s because i refuse for people to touch it unless they have consent. my cousin was allowed to bleach it (but now she isn’t) and i sometimes as my brothers to cut an inch off every few months or so. but otherwise, no one is allowed to touch it. i will threaten to shave my head it anyone tries.

but i’m feeling brave in that i may book a curl appointment? maybe commemorate my near decade of hair salon trauma by having someone cut my bangs properly and have my hair shorter??? why not.

3. Go to the gym at least once a week?

Anytime Fitness has emailed me recently asking why I haven’t been to the gym for weeks. this is not good.

i may have been forced to get a gym membership for discount purposes but i still need to make use of the stupid amount of money i pay.

maybe i’ll be extra brave and use something other than the stair master.

4. Learn a new instrument/ Learn a new song

This is a double because I probably just want to either learn a new instrument or learn something new on my ukulele. for the longest time i had avoided picking up a new instrument or any instrument for that matter because of maybe jealousy of my brother because he is a good guitarist and maybe lack of time because of the transition from high school to uni to job. it’s too hard. maybe it’s mainly my lack of motivation. but perhaps now that i have to keep myself accountable, i may push myself?

5. Vlog?

I did this challenge in 2022 on IG that i would post weekly posts. it’s one photo a day. i really enjoyed that. I don’t know it straight up vlogging is good because it seems like such a tall hurdle but maybe i can do what i did last year but it in reels??? it’s a mini vlog? maybe? something? anything. i didn’t think this through. i just bought a camera and hoped for the best.

6. Manage my finances

let’s try this again. i maybe will start by putting away a portion of my savings. maybe open a separate account and chuck a little bit in there and i don’t touch that unless needed. let’s start small.

7. GAMSAT

we will keep this goal on here until i have means to delete it.

i’ll be nice to myself this year and only do that much. let’s not drag this. odd numbers will make it easier to know if i succeeded.

reflection time!

i think i’ve improved a little but. not drastically though. I’m 25 now. i’m closer to 26. in 2024, i would’ve been in australia for 10 years and i have nothing to show for it.

if i dwell on this for too long then it’ll make me sad and i don’t really want to do that anymore. it’s wasteful.

i’ve improved my confidence a little bit. i’ve made friends at work. i was invited to a christmas party which was nice. i’ve stood up for myself against my family during that america trip we had. i travelled overseas this year without my parents and with planning that was done independent of them. i take photos of myself now. i’m trying to be better with my physical health by going to the gym and making sure i keep my steps up, and my mental health but not necessarily caring too much about how i look, and what i eat. maybe nonchalance is good for me.

i just hope that this year is better.

[fairytheo]

enhypen as your boyfriend.

boyfriend!enhypen x gen!reader. fluff. 1.9k. curse words. mention of bugs, food. not requested.

🐈 ⸝⸝ HEESEUNG ˙𐃷˙

super-duper caring !!

he’s so whipped for you — he smiles just by thinking about you

also very giggly around you

LOVES lending you his beanies

(aka. you stealing them..)

+ you steal his earrings as well ! not that he minds

absolutely adores singing for you / he loves singing you to sleep :D

hold up, is being heeseung’s s/o just being his personal ramen cook 🤨🤨

he aaalwaays bugs you to play games with him (especially wii and nintendo switch lmao)

either that or you’re playing animal crossing while eating takeout at your dinner table

you’re the only person in the world who he’ll ever do aegyo for. 

he secretly enjoys it, but shhh you didn’t hear that from me

i think he likes calling you names like cutie, cutiepie or just a shorter version of your name <3 (if there is one !)

booping your nose is on his everyday to do list ☝️

lowkey therapist & boyfriend in one ngl

WAIT he loves making playlists for you two,, 

“y/n! i made another playlist, do you wanna listen to it? i made it while thinking of you.” <//3 

the type to write cheesy lyrics about you, then later cringes at his own writing bUT then leaves it like that because you like it !

you have his cover of lauv’s “i’m so tired” either set as your alarm or play it on loop everyday 

(random but for some reason i can picture him giving you a cassette with his cover on it just for the vintage vibes)

🐈 ⸝⸝ JAY ˙𐃷˙

the mom-and-boyfriend in one ;] 

f a s h i o n  c o u p l e 

you are literally fashion icons. no disagreements. 

you have matching clothes or accessories ! even if it’s really subtle, the gesture behind it is super adorable <//3

cooking pt. 2 :D but this time there’s a gorden ramsay in your relationship

i can just SEE how you both two impersonate gorden ramsay while cooking which makes everything 10 times funnier !! checks every 5 seconds if the food is ready tho because he doesn’t wanna risk anything

never cleans up afterwards, either you do or no one does

since you’re both fashion icons your social media followers are going 📈📈📈

literally couple goals.

he loves taking pictures of you,, but also wants you to take pictures of him 

jay gets flustered easily so please make him flustered with sudden compliments, hugs, kisses, etc. !!

he’s also the only member i can really see calling you babe

confident but shy about pda at the same time ??? he’s both LOL 

you always tease him with his RAS moments and randomly quote them when you’re in the middle of a conversation with him lmao

random and idk if this fits here, but he likes making your lunch — leaves you encouraging notes too <3

last but not least: jokingly gets angry at you when he wants something from you, and you do the same thing back ♡

🐈 ⸝⸝ JAKE ˙𐃷˙

sweetest and softest boyfriend to ever exist. i’m so soft for him JSHSHS

definitely calls you sweetie and darling. 100%. fight me if you think otherwise. 

shows you pics of layla everyday (it’s become routine for him >_<)

a tiny bit cliché BUT lends you his jacket whenever you’re cold (even when you’re inside !!)

random thought: jake puts his hands in your hoodie pockets...

💔💔💔

it’s his personal goal to peck your cheek and forehead at least twice a day — gets pouty if he wasn’t able to do that ))):::

talks in english a lot because you love his accent !!

if you’re an english speaker, you’ll have conversations in english all. the. time.

if you’re not an english speaker, no worries, he’ll teach you !

+ reads you bedtime stories in english (jake’s australian accent >>>) 

dreams of travelling with you to australia <33  

if there’s a bug in the house you better know that jake will NOT be removing them and runs out of the house

WILL stay over at one of the other member’s houses untill that bug is REMOVED . 

so if you’re afraid of bugs as well,,, i’m sorry bae, but it’ll be your task to remove these little... creatures 😐

ngl you have more photos of layla than of him on your phone lol

(spams you with her pictures and captions them with “y/n!!! look!!! layla with a flower!!!! layla with a butterfly!!!!” it’s just so sweet aaa)

we need some “””drama””” so you make jokes about him being a “🥶💸🔥💪” boy a lot in your relationship LMAO

🐈 ⸝⸝ SUNGHOON ˙𐃷˙

ice skating dates.

this has been mentioned in other headcanons a lot already but i just HAD to include it,,

convinces you to eat ice cream after your date LOL even if it IS winter

btw. fashion couple nr. 2 !!! 

MIRROR SELCAS

MIRROR SELCAS 

ugh the visuals and the power you two hold,,,, i can’t,,,,,

has better clothes than you ngl so you share clothes lmao

it started with him lending you his sweatpants, but then you didn’t want to return them forgot to return them and BOOM 💥 here we are

extremely awkward and shy at first — don’t worry though, he becomes much more chaotic in the later phases of your relationship

he teases you SO MUCH. LIKE. SO MUCH.

always has small smile (smirk?) on his face when he’s about to make a cocky remark (so beware)

you tease him back just twice as hard which 1.) results in him in becoming flustered 2.) fails LOL

off-topic but he’d love a s/o that has a similar style to him ??? a more elegant, classy, dark style perhaps

when he’s away / busy he’ll send you some selcas and captions them with “how r u doing??” “did you eat yet?” “cheer up :P” 

kinda shy about pda but likes showing off too ???

i mean,, men... 🙄🙄 /lh

whenever someone mentions your name near him, he’ll just try to hide his smile while biting his lip (yk what i’m talking about???) and you’ll see his dimples and the affectionate look in his eyes and just AAAAA

the type of boyfriend that calls you love~

🐈 ⸝⸝ SUNOO ˙𐃷˙

skin care routines with sunoo 24/7 🤝

he does your hair (if your hair is long enough to do different hairstyles with it ofc !!) 

send you daily weekly skin care products he thinks you two should try out / that’d be good for your skin <3

spa nights every friday at 9pm — he only lets you in if you wear a stylish pyjama LOL

you buy him peach items because they just remind you so much of him (｡•́︿•̀｡)

SELCA TIME !!! his phone is always ready !!! (apart from his storage maybe?)

PARTICIPATES IN SELCA DAYS OF YOUR FAVOURITE IDOLS AAA

loves to go on walks w u

does A LOT of aegyo,, 

and i know that you knew that this point will be in this headcanon.

for eg. instead of saying goodnight or bye he’ll just do aegyo for you not that anyone minds tbh

stages of sunoo flirting (?):

a — tries to compliment you (it sounds more like a flirty remark tbh)

b — realizes then blushes

c — cringes and runs away LMAO

playfully acts jealous, so you know it’s a joke but deep down he’s actually jealous

you two match each others vibes a lot — if one is sad, the other is sad as well

+ tells you your posture is bad when you sit like a banana or tells you to go to sleep early and when you don’t listen to him, he’ll show you an article that proves that (abc) and (xyz) is bad for you and says “i told you so.” 💀

🐈 ⸝⸝ JUNGWON ˙𐃷˙

impresses you by doing kicks (does the kick cap challenge on tiktok and/or you play kick it by nct 127 for the funzies) 

poking his dimple is a MUST . 😩😩

though gets super shy when you kiss him and also if you buy him gifts !!

cheers you up whenever you feel down or are upset

compliments you a ton ))): will randomly come up to you and tell you that your fit is cute or that you look brighter today,,, little does he know it's because of him ;]

HUGS!HUGS!HUGS

poking his dimple comes first, then hugging

the other members tease you two everytime you’re over LOL it’s like there are two koalas clinging onto each other

our yang garden gained another sheep +1

you two randomly play sheep,,,, like,,, everyday ???? sheep cosplays 👍

idk why ig it’s just fun to imitate sheep and go “mmmeEeEeeEhh” to annoy others

talking of that, even THOUGH he is a responsible leader he will not hesitate to do stupid shit with you

“hey how about we ring on that house there and yell “sheep for sale!” do you think they’ll open the door?”

“i don’t know... let’s find out!” 🤝

let’s just say that this didn’t end well..

also kinda bullies you (in a loving way ofc !!) pand teases you nonstop

either calls you asshole or love aHA

in conclusion: a very unpredictable relationship,, would 10/10 recommend.

very random but i feel like his love language is acts of service

🐈 ⸝⸝ NI-KI ˙𐃷˙

oh look it’s our tsundere 😼

can’t go a day without dancing so you two have vibing sessions at 2am everyday ft. the others telling you to go to bed

you’re the only one that can make him soft lol

if you’re older than him, you would definitely take care of him like your own baby !! 

if you are the same age as him or younger it’d be awkward for him at first, because he isn’t used to taking care of someone younger, so he’d treat you as if you were his best friend at the beginning

you love to watch him dance !! it’s so satisfying,, LITERAL asmr.

pranks you 24/7. boy has NO mercy. will not care if the others will scold him later. he will do the prank smoothly (?) — doesn’t care about the consequences LMAO

probably sets your alarm to someone screaming or a cringy aegyo song <//3

wants to film dance covers with you !! you don’t have to be the best dancer either !! as long as you have fun ^__^ 

the other members find you really cute but are also vERY TIRED OF YOU,, two energized teens in a relationship was not a good idea ☝️

likes to randomly hold your hand and swing it around 

probably distant at the beginning of the relationship because a.) he doesn’t want to pressure you/make things awkward b.) he doesn’t really know what to do either ???

(if you’re not japanese or don’t know how to speak japanese) he’ll definitely teach you some japanese phrases and words !! introduce you to his culture as well :DD and he really wants to know more about your culture too <3

teaches you phrases like “sunoo is a dumbass” for the funzies LOL

randomly makes micheal jackson impressions,,, it’s hilarious LMFAO

#enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen headcanons #enhypen reactions #enhypen scenarios #heeseung #jay #jake #sunghoon #sunoo #jungwon #niki #lee heeseung #park jay #sim jake #park sunghoon #kim sunoo #yang jungwon #nishimura riki #enhypen heeseung #enhypen jay #enhypen jake #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen sunoo #enhypen jungwon #enhypen niki #enhypen fluff #enhypen x reader

[gates-keeper]

Part 1: “Words of Affirmation” Destiel Quotes & Parallels

I’m sure someone’s done this before me and done it better, but I’m compiling a huge Destiel evidence docket for no reason. Anyone got any quotes to add?

Comments From Outside Characters

To Dean

Uriel: “He has this weakness. He likes you.” (4x10)

Balthazar: “You have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who’s in love with you.” (6x17)

Hester: “The first time Castiel laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost.” (7x21)

Meg: “He was your boyfriend first.” (7x23)

Charlie: “What about Castiel? He seems helpful. And dreamy.” (8x20)

Marie: “Although we do explore the nature of Destiel in Act 2.” (10x5)

Sam: “Shouldn’t it be Deastiel?” He then goes on to tease Dean with “Sastiel” which Dean takes negatively. (10x5)

Dean: “This Cas is looking at me weird.” Sam: “So like the real Cas then.” (15x14) 

To Castiel

Hannah: “We gave you our trust. Don’t lose it over one man.” (9x22)

Metatron: “His true weakness is revealed. He’s in love…with humanity.” (9x22)

Metatron: “Oh, that’s right. To save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but, ultimately, it was about saving one human, right?” (9x23)

Ishim: “I’m going to cure you of your human weakness [i.e. Dean]” (12x10)

The Empty: “I have tiptoed through all your little tulips. Your memories, your little feelings, yes. I know what you hate. I know who you love…There is nothing for you back there.” (13x4)

Demon: “I thought you were joined at the… (looks down) everything.” (14x01)

There are also several instances where other characters try to poke at insecurities regarding their relationship.

Naomi: “You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty. I only wish he felt the same way.” (8x19)

Casifer: “There comes a time when every relationship has run its course.” (11x18)

Michael!Dean: “You only tolerate the angel because you think you owe him, because he ‘gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.’ Or whatever.” (14x10)

Comments From Dean

To Cas

“There are two things I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay. And two, you are not going to die a virgin.” (5x03) 

“So what? I’m Thelma and you’re Louise and we’re just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?” (5x03)

“You know what? Blow me, Cas.” (5x18)

“Cas, not for nothing, but the last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid.” (5x18)

“Look, I don’t need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? For failing you like I’ve failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about! I don’t need it!” (8x07)

“We need you. I need you.” 

For more on this quote see the “We vs. I” section.

To Other Characters

Bobby: “I think maybe it’s time you made a call.” Dean: “Why does it always gotta be me that makes the call, huh? It’s not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude’s busy.” (Cas appears) Dean: “Get out of my ass.” Cas: “I was never in your… (head tilt)” (6x19)

“On my car…. He showed up naked… covered in bees.” (7x23)

While Cas suffered from some mental issues at the time, it seems somewhat significant that he sought Dean out under the circumstances, not Sam, etc.

“There’s things… people… feelings that I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time.” (10x16)

“My shy but devastatingly handsome friend here” (12x12)

“He came into my room and he played me.” (12x19)

“Let’s see. Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cas is—Mom’s gone.” (13x01)

Dean’s inability to list Cas’s death singles him out as the most devastating of the losses.

“We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back.” (13x01)

While some people have heard this as “bring ‘em back”, the Netflix captions and transcripts I have been able to find say “him.”

“And Cas bought it. And you know what it got him? It got him dead! Now you may be able to forget about that, but I can't!” (13x03)

“I have a family.” (In response to John Winchester lamenting Dean doesn’t have a wife and kids) (14x13)

Comments From Cas

To Dean

“I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. They feel I've begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt.” (4x16)

“I’m hunted. I rebelled. And I did it—all of it—for you.” (5x02)

“I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me.” (5x18)

“I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call.” (6x21)

“So you will bow down and profess your love unto me, your Lord.” (6x22)

Before taking on the role of God, Cas seemed very concerned with Dean’s forgiveness/acceptance/love. It is interesting that, as God, that was the first thing he asked for, turning from Sam (who had just stabbed him) to Dean to ask for love.

“Sam, and everyone you know, everyone you love, they could be long dead. Everyone except me.” (10x22)

“I love you. I love all of you.” (Arguably to the group, but the first “I love you” can be seen as Dean-specific, especially since it cuts to Dean after being said.) (12x12)

“You mean too much to me. To everything.” (12x9) (To Mary, Sam, and Dean. However, the camera immediately cuts to Dean specifically, even though he is in the back of the group).

“I’m your Huckleberry.” (13x06)

Cas love confession (15x18)

To Other Characters

“Dean and I do share a more profound bond.” (6x03)

“I won’t hurt Dean.” (8x17)

This is said as Castiel is breaking away from Naomi’s mind control—mind control she fostered specifically by having Cas kill a thousand versions of Dean. This implies she knows that Cas’s strongest loyalty is to Dean, not Sam, or humans in general.

“The point is that they [Dean & Sam] were here at all and you got to know them, you -- When they're gone, it will hurt, but that hurt will remind you of how much you loved them.” (14x14)

“You know, Dean, he... he feels things more acutely than any human I've ever known.” (15x13)

Other Comments

Reaper: “How do I start looking for this... Castiel?” Bartholomew: “I got one word for you. Winchester.”

Rowena: “An Angel of the Lord, shattered at the altar of Winchester.”

Use of We vs. I

In the crypt scene in Season 8, Dean tells Cas, “We need you.” This is not enough to stop Cas’s actions. When the language switches to “I need you,” Cas drops the angel blade.

We can clearly see that Dean tries to put up barriers about how he really feels about Cas in his use of “We.” For example, after showing the audience many scenes of Dean, not Sam, frantically trying to call Cas, we get the following lines:

“So not only were you ditching us, but you were also ignoring us?”

“With everything that's going on, you can't just go dark like that. We didn't know what happened to you. We were worried. That's not okay.”

It’s clear that these “we’s” are really “I’s”

In the alternate future presented in 15x9, Sam asks Dean, “What’s happened to you Dean… ever since…?” to which Dean responds, “Ever since what? We lost pretty much everyone we’ve ever cared about? Ever since the Mark made Cas go crazy and I had to bury him in a Malak box… ever since then?” While he acknowledges Sam’s losses as well, his switch to “I” in reference to Cas implies that Cas’s loss belongs especially to him.

(Mostly) Verbal Parallels to Other Couples

In 1x01 (start at 2:27), Dean pulls Sam away from a dead Jess in a direct parallel to how Sam pulls Dean away from Cas in 12x23

Following Jessica’s death, Sam keeps seeing glimpses of her as he and Dean travel around in the Impala. Dean does the same in Season 8 following his return from Purgatory without Cas.

David from “Bloodlines” (9x20) tells his love interest, “I was there. Where were you?” which is the same thing Dean says to Cas in “The Man Who Would Be King” (6x20)

When asking Dean whether he’s in love with Cassie, Dean gives a similar response to what he will say in 10x5 when asked about Destiel.

Destiel is paralleled with their counterparts from the Supernatural play who are “a couple in real life” (10x5)

Cain compares himself to Dean in Season 10. He describes the significant kills of his life (The Knights of Hell, his wife Collette, and his brother Abel) and tells Dean that he will follow his same pattern by killing the King of Hell Crowley, Castiel, then Sam. It is also mentioned that all Collette asked of Cain was “to stop,” which is the same language Cas uses with Dean in 10x22.

Dean explains how his parents fell in love to prove his identity to Mary in 12x1, “He was cute and he knew the words to every Zeppelin song, so when he asked you for your number, you gave it to him, even though you knew your dad would be pissed.” Later in this same season (12x19), Dean gives Cas a homemade mixtape of his favorite Zeppelin songs.

Ishim fell in love with a human named Lily Sunder who ultimately left him for someone else. When trying to recruit Castiel, he compares Dean to her.

Dean questions how much of their life has been controlled by God. Cas states, “You asked, ‘What about all of this is real?’ We are.” (15x02) Later, they find out that God has been using Eileen to spy on the Winchesters. She says, “After what happened, I don’t know what’s real anymore.” Sam kisses her, stating “I know that was real.” (15x09)

PART 2 “Physical Touch” Now Finished

#destiel #destiel fanfic #destiel is canon

[1ddotdhq]

🖕Mon Sept 28 ‘20 👓

First things first: see ya Psycho! Music Week published an article confirming Syco’s “low-key” demise. Music Week tells us two interesting things - the first is that “artists from [Cowell’s] TV show will now be free to sign to any label, with Sony no longer enjoying first refusal”. The second interesting tidbit is that “all Syco Music employees and artists have now either been redeployed within Sony Music, or have left the company”. Happy days!

More like busy days - for Harry, at least! He was seen yesterday evening in LA, taking pictures with a fan. He was wearing a mask (sexy) and a mini hair clip (less sexy, but adorable nonetheless). We can take this as an indication that pre-production for Don’t Worry Darling is likely underway, and as he’s the lead male role (!!!!!!), he has RESPONSIBILITIES and so he had to be there before the day of the actual shoot. Your intern spent a few hours reading up on film set guidelines, so I’m going to tell you that at some point between the UK, Italy, the UK again, and LA, Harry got himself screened and tested negative for COVID, as is mandatory to do before entering a film set. These sets are closed, and any visitors must also undergo screenings, as far as I could tell. Anyways, hopefully that keeps him safe and busy for the next few months! 

His Grammy campaign is ALSO underway, as his team told Music Week that they’ve “got a few more things up [their sleeve] for the rest of the year, but [we’ll] have to wait and see”. Is it the Golden video? I bet it’s the Golden video. Some more information about Harry’s accessories also became available to the public today: his custom vampire wife blue HS bag was VERY custom-made, apparently, as he specifically requested that color blue for his initials (the letters are normally done in a ~golden~ thread, which makes it funner, imo). In case you’re curious - it IS the same color as his Light’s Up costume, the Vespa, the room that Falling was shot in, and on and on and on. He does seem to rather have a fascination with that color, doesn’t he? Almost like...he gets so lost inside it? Can you believe it??

Hahaha okay moving on: Zayn ALSO keeps on keepin’ on to make Z3 a more tangible reality: he registered two new songs today: “Different” and “Look At Me Now”. And even #better (last time, I promise haha) - “Better” was featured on Amazon Music’s “song of the day”! I have to hear the songs before I say anything about it, but I do sort of hope that things will be “Different” this time around - “Better” - and that he’s telling us “Look At Me Now”. To use twitter terminology, I’m manifesting good things for him.

Liam had a feature in Esquire Mexico, where they talked about his early aspirations as an Olympic runner changing into his decision to give up running to focus on music. I wish they had talked about this a bit more, because I can’t expect that was an easy decision, but also, he would have been around 14 when he made it. That’s a BIG responsibility for a kid, and I want to hear how he felt about it then, and how he feels about it now, some thirteen years on. About his music career, he says: “The effort is what really counts. Having tried it was fundamental, but also understanding that if it didn’t work, it just wasn’t for me”. He does, however, attribute his success to his obsessive attitude (hmmm). At any rate, you’re a JOY to have around, Liam, so I’m glad it DID work out!

The feature also came with PICTURES, of course, in which he looks better than anyone reasonably has a right to - I have to keep reminding myself that if I want to stay impartial, I can’t be attracted to any of them, but DAMN did Liam test my resolve in these! They had him in glasses and a knitted hoodie/jumper/sweater thing holding a guitar on the cover photo. There are other pictures in which he’s wearing half undone button up shirts and too cool for school shades and looking moodily off into the distance (while holding his guitar) and a few where he’s looking pensively down in a blue paisley shirt and glasses (whew!). I think it’s the glasses that killed me, tbh, but go check them out, because I’m certainly not doing them justice! 

In some sunny news, Free My Meal popped up again to thank Louis for raising awareness for their cause, calling him a legend (we been knew, but it’s nice to see!) and using hashtags like “#noshame” and “#justask”, and I have to say - sometimes, you would be surprised at how kind people can be if you ask. ALSO, I am bringing this charity up literally ANY TIME I have the opportunity to, because I think it is doing phenomenal work, and I wish there were more programs like this one.

I also have a little bit of a Clown Car update for you: yesterday, Nick Gordon posted a “#theysaidyes” picture, featuring both Briana and Freddie, and captioning with a quote from...wait for it...When Harry Met Sally!!! He then went on a comment reading spree, liking such comments as “Although you are not the real father, you will be the best father, believe me” and “*** **”. I...am actually speechless, which never happens to me. AND THEN! Briana followed and account called “thepropertybrokers” which is an “Investment Property Specialist” account in Beverly Hills. Are you...going somewhere, girl? Don’t be shy, *** **. 

And, hmmm, let me think - what day is it? Oh, yeah, the 28th, I almost forgot! You know who DIDN'T? Paul Higgins, former One Direction bodyguard and bona fide Tour Dad, who went around Instagram liking “Happy Anniversary, Harry and Louis!” posts, including my favorite, which was captioned: “Happy 7th anniversary love birds! 28th September 2013 - it’s so great to see how two beautiful friends finally did it!...”. Yeah, guys, nothing to see here, they’re just celebrating 7 years of a beautiful and committed BROMANCE, doncha know? 

#harry styles #zayn malik #liam payne #louis tomlinson #the clown car #briana #nick gordon #also you can now buy Harry's daffodil necklace on Eliou's website #they're calling it the Harry Necklace but tbh i like my name better #idk if anyone else cares about the filming guidelines in LA but i spent a ton of time reading about it so here you lol #*here you go lol #ngl I’m a little disappointed about no new Louis merch but it’s probably the best thing for my bank account #song of the day! #Waking in the Dark by Only the Poets #yup thats it from me today i think thats more than enough #hahaha

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

Submission

Hey there, long time no see!

I've been dipping in and out of Tumblr the last couple of weeks and have been keeping up with all your interesting discussions with anons (sorry, stalkerish I know, but I find it both insightful and entertaining.) I couldn't help but notice @just-a-poor-boy-queen posted about our good old friend on Instagram spouting her usual bullshit, only this time she apparently has proof that her claims are real from Lying Ass Jerkoff , sorry, Lesley Ann Jones' latest book. According to her, as you already know, she claims that Lesley denounces Jim and Freddie's relationship and Jim apparently confessed to her that he never loved Freddie, that he used him for fame, etc. etc.

Which is...very interesting. Because LAJ's biography, Bohemian Rhapsody, claims the exact opposite.

While I was out in town today, I visited my local bookstore and unintentionally stumbled across the book in the biography section. My first instinct was to ignore it - I know for a fact it's trash - but curiosity got the better of me and I ended up having a flip through.

First off, the amount of stuff she gets wrong is hilarious. Some of them were minute errors, others the average Queen fan could tell you is fake. I'm pretty sure she talked about Freddie taking Princess Diana out in drag and the party with the midgets carrying bowls of cocaine on their heads, which we know never happened. There was also a picture of Freddie and Mary (one where Freddie is leaning on Mary while she's smoking a cigarette,) that was captioned "the happy couple relaxing together," which made me laugh out loud because it was allegedly taken in 1975 when Freddie was dating David behind Mary's back. Relationship goals, ammirite?

And don't get me started on the Barbara stuff, I stg, LAJ seems low-key obsessed with her.

Anyway, I ended up skipping to the end where she talks about Jim; she does indeed claim that she stayed with him in Carlow (not sure what year,) and that she interviewed him while she was there. This is what she had to say:

On Jim's motivation for writing M&M: (Jones) "Jim Hutton later explained that it was anger, not money, that prompted him to write his memoir. He wanted the world to know the truth, and could see no other way."

(Jones) "There is no doubt that Jim, the bereft lover, embarked upon his selective 1994 biography with the intention of creating a tender tribute to an adored partner. This was blurred by a co-writer who dwelled more on sensational aspects of the relationship, as well as on intimate details of Freddie's final days."

(Jones) "Given Jim's Catholic background, and the fact that his mother was still alive when he published, it must have taken immense courage to write the book."

About the GL boys being erased by Jim Beach: (Jim) "I think Jim Beach was angry that my book ruined the myth of Freddie. All it did was return him to his original status of a human being. It told the truth. Beach wanted fans to believe that sweet Mary Austin was the love of Freddie's life, and what a great, tragic, romantic tale it all was."

(Jones) "Jim was consequently banished from the Queen camp." (She goes on to explain it's likely because everyone was grieving, but I don't buy it.)

(Jones) "Freddie's will raised countless questions, some of which would never be resolved." (I thought this was interesting, given that I've seen speculation that Freddie might have been influenced over what to put in his will before.)

On Dave Clark: (Jones) "The press reported that Dave Clark had said he was the only person in the bedroom when Freddie died. 'He was not the only person in the room,' Jim stated. 'But it was quoted all over the place.' The error must have been perturbed the sensitive and caring Clark, for on his birthday, Jim received a beautiful card from him. 'The inscription he wrote inside read "you were there.' " (Jim goes on to recount the exact same version of events written in Mercury & Me about Freddie's death. He speaks highly of Clark, saying he was brilliant when Freddie was ill and would sit with him for hours. Jim seems more angry at the press spreading lies than at Dave himself. I've seen people argue that Dave was the one spreading the rumours to the paper or he did nothing to refute them, but who knows, perhaps he was a victim of the tabloids too.)

Phoebe testifying to Jim's character: (Phoebe) "Those concerned have to live with themselves. Mary once said of Jim that he had 'a very vivid imagination.' I knew Jim a very long time, and never knew him to be anything other than totally honest. Jim's conscience, like mine, will always be clear." (Given how Phoebe now makes a point of saying that Jim "exaggerated" stuff in his book, I find this a tad hypocritical. Still, I appreciate him sticking up for Jim and saying that those who are trying to change Freddie's legacy will have to live with that on their conscience. Also, fuck you Mary, if you did say that about Jim.)

On Jim's love for Freddie: (Jones) "There are still times when I can be pottering around in the garden, and Freddie's facial expression when he died will come into my mind," he told me in Ireland, "I can blank out what happened consciously but not subconsciously. It is impossible to forget. I learned so much from him, not least a positive outlook. Freddie's attitude was always, 'But you can, don't you see? You can do it. Put your mind to it, you'll see what you can do' That was one of the loveliest things about him."

(Jones) "During the time I spent with Jim in picturesque County Carlow, there was no doubt that the love Jim claimed to have felt for Freddie was genuine. He was a warm and decent man who was content with his lot. He was eternally grateful, he told me, for having experienced the superstar lifestyle through Freddie."

(Jones) "Jim would never truly recover from the loss."

I took screenshots of all the quotes above, which I'm happy to submit if anyone is interested. I would love to have seen what else she said about Jim, but taking pictures of book pages in the middle of a shop isn't the best look, so I kept it brief. 

So, overall, Lesley seems to have a very high opinion of Jim, and believed the love between he and Freddie was genuine. Which is quite surprising, given that she downplays all of Freddie's other relationships with men in favour of promoting his fictional "romance" with Miss Valentin. Of course, this could all be complete bullshit and she never met Jim at all, but if she is telling the truth for once in her life, then she's one of few biographers who was very much supportive of Jimercury.

As one of the anons correctly stated, we have two possible scenarios.

A) If crazy lady is telling the truth, and Jones does make all these negative claims about Jim in her new book, then she was either lying in Bohemian Rhapsody or she's lying now in her latest cash cow. In this scenario, she's a liar either way. But tell us something we don't know.

B) Crazy Lady is pretending to have read the book, or read it and was angry there was nothing bad about Jim, and is fabricating quotes to suit her anti-Jim agenda, knowing her thick-as-bricks followers will just take her word for it and not bother looking for evidence. This is the most likely scenario. 

I know most people with a brain know not to trust the word of either of these women, but I thought it would be fun to dismantle some of Insta lady's claims regardless, in case there was anyone out there having doubts.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

-------------

Hi there! It's good to see you again.

This...is a lot to think about lol. Since LAJ is such a liar, it's hard to believe she really sat down with Jim, or that most of what she said was from primary sources. However, it is strange that she spoke so highly of Jim given...everything else she's ever said lol. The quotes above do fit with what other people have said about Jim and Garden Lodge as a whole, though. It's very strange because it's either she decided to be factual with this, or lie about getting these quotes but decide to stick up for Jim, anyway. Weird, weird, weird.

It's really hard to know who's lying in the new book, LAJ or the hater lady. They're both so unreliable. It does seem too convenient that what LAJ supposedly says lines up with the hater lady rhetoric, but idk. Apparently LAJ blocked the hater lady on twitter, too lmao. So maybe it's the hater lady who's lying? But I can believe LAJ suddenly changing her tune, too.

I don't know. Thank you for sharing this information. I have more questions than answers now lol but still

#submission #queen #long post

[jarofstyles]

Fan Club

A/N: This story.... it’s very near and dear to our hearts. We have a total of 7 parts written, 80k words total. It is our take on the PR relationship trope, mixed with Harry gets with a fan trope. It’s full of angst, full of sweet moments and smutty moments alike. We LOVE these two, they are quite literally our children. It is a bit more personal for the reader in some aspects, we know we have all imagined what it would be like to be with Harry at some point, so this goes out to you. We made Y/N of Russian decent in this one, just to make things fun ( and because we wanted some representation for our Russian babes out there 🤧). All in all, we are extremely proud to present Fan Club to you, we hope you enjoy ✨✨ - n + d

send feedback and requests here 

masterlist

pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

warnings: angst, glimmers of fluff

word count: 11.2k

It was hard for Y/N to explain how she ended up in this situation. Fake Dating international popster, Harry Styles. To be honest, it was all a bit of a crazy story even for Y/N. She couldn’t believe it either. Y/N was a simple girl with simple taste. Her older sister, Katya, owned a bakery called ‘for goodness bakes’ that’s been open for about 5 years, Y/N has been working there alongside her. She spent most of her time at the bakery, having just graduated with a degree in business marketing. She liked doing things most 22 year old girls liked doing: fun makeup, nights in with wine and romcoms, and of course being a fan of Harry Styles. 

Since she was 12 years old, she had been a fan of One direction and well... Harry was always her favorite. She initially fell for his preppy appearance, but ultimately fell for his charm and quirkiness once she fell deep into the fandom. And she did fall deep. She had a stan account on every social media platform, she bought merch and multiple copies of albums, and even wrote fanfiction on wattpad. To say she was a big fan was an understatement. 

About a month ago, Harry’s team had reached out to her via the email of her bakery. They had seen the post that she made, a picture of herself with a kiwi tart with the caption, ‘it’s none of your business.... unless?’ and had asked if they could have a meeting with her at their headquarters. Obviously, Y/N agreed to this meeting, thinking that they might want her to cater an event or something. But no, they wanted her to be his ‘girlfriend’. 

They had explained to her that they had been searching for the perfect candidate who was not only a fan, but was also just a regular everyday girl. They said they liked her aesthetic and felt like she would suit Harry well. Her background in business marketing meant that she would be good at knowing what to post and her being a fan meant her love for him would be believable. The fans and media would eat this story up! It took Y/N a moment to comprehend what they were asking her to do, but they started bringing up numbers and Y/N couldn’t say no. This would get her and her sister out of debt and could pay for so much new equipment at the bakery. This sum of money could change her life. Plus, she’d get to fake date her idol? It seemed like an offer she couldn’t pass up. So she signed the contract. 

That’s what landed her here, waiting patiently at the door of Harry’s secret London home where his manager Jeff said to meet the two of them to discuss the plan from here on out. Her heart was beating extremely quickly, wanting to keep things cool. She didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable, she wanted him to like her and trust her.

Harry hadn't started off jaded. Granted, most didn’t. They had the sparkle and excitement. But Harry had lost it. Years and years in the industry, from when he was a teenager to present, it had ruined it for him. That excitement he had previously had been watered down immensely. A lot, actually. But he was mostly tired of the things that came with the job— not music itself. 

Harry loved music. Making it, writing it, performing it. He loved his fans. But he hated what came with if. The people who constantly wanted things from him. Not a moment of privacy when he was out and about— though that had gotten better as his fans grew up, honestly. The media blowing up and twisting every bit of his words to fit their own wants. The fact that anyone he was seen with was a potential love interest in the eyes of the media. How they scared off and ruined good things for him because of it. He was tired of that. Every person who came to him made him wary. What was the motive? What was the reasoning behind them coming to talk to him? Fan or someone wanting a photo just for their Instagram? He wasn’t sure. 

Relationships had been hard and for now, he’d basically sworn off of them. After the bad ending with Camille, he had decided to take a long break. Until the label said he should probably have a PR move, one unlike his previous ones. One involving dating someone posing as a fan. A regular person, without his level of fame. Someone relatable to fans. Or that’s what Jeff has said to him. At this point, Harry was used to being tugged around with his dating life so he agreed. Did he want to? No. But he was under contracts and he wasn’t going to fight something so stupid. It would be a few dates, hanging out. Right? He didn’t even have to talk much to her. 

He was far too aware they probably offered her a good amount of money. Most likely why she was even there. So when he let Jeff open the door, he was annoyed with himself. 

She was pretty. Fuck off. That’s how he felt. A lackluster wave was given to her, a nod as well as she sat down across from him at his oak dining table. Cute. Pretty hair, soft cheeks. Petal pink lips. If this wasn’t a stunt he would probably think she was a lot cuter, though. 

A wave. 

Years worth of build up for this moment and all Y/N had gotten was a wave? She decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Y/N offered him a smile, a shy but genuine one before looking over at Jeff. Obviously she had known who Jeff was, how could she forget the iconic ‘help me Jeffrey!’ Quote. The hundreds of photos of them together. It was surreal, but her shock surprisingly helped her stay calm. 

“Alright! Harry, Y/N. Y/N, Harry.” Jeff smiled at her, knowing Harry wasn’t happy about being here. “So have you been properly briefed about what’s required? It’s a lot more than we would usually ask of a project like this, a while longer.” He said. Harry looked at him in question. What?

“Yes, they gave me a brief outline at the meeting I went to but nothing too specific. They said you’d go over that here.” Y/N answered, pushing a few pieces of hair behind her ear. “Oh?” She asked, knowing she had signed a contract for a year. It was a long time but she assumed everyone was in it for that long. Y/N really didn’t know how PR relationships worked, she just assumed things about them through what she had seen on the internet and what all the stans were saying. She never really believed that people did things like this, but clearly, they did. 

Y/N looked over at Harry once again, taking any spare moment she could to really take him in. He was just sitting there looking so fucking perfect. An angel in the flesh. This was the man who had sparked her sexual awakening, who had taught her to be a badass bitch and to be kind to everyone she met. She knew she wasn’t his type and that this wouldn’t really end up like a fan fic, but she couldn’t wait to at least become his friend.

“Wait— how long?” His voice was deep and rather cold, but he wasn’t aware it was longer than usual. Granted— his own fault. Jeff said to look over the contract and he had just signed. It had been so many years of reading contracts he was tired of it. 

“A year. There’s a clause to extend it if need be, or shorten after 8 months.” Jeff shot him a look. “But that’s only one of the differences. I know you’re tired H, but get it together.” He sighed, rubbing his temples. “Y/N here is the perfect girl next door. We found her to be perfect to do this with you. But it’ll be different because it’ll be a confirmed relationship. All other stunts, they’d been left to interpretation and never spoken about them. Blacklisted questions in interviews, etc. but we’re going with the narrative of you both being quite comfortable talking about it. Y/N won’t have to admit much considering she has her own life and job outside of this, but you’ll be talking about it in interviews. About this lovely girl who made you rethink how you went about relationships.” It was odd. A whole storyline for their relationships. 

“We know how to work this. You’ll both first be photographed together downtown. Harry holding your hand, Y/N. And then we will plant things in each of your social media posts to hint at it. Seemingly innocent but, a tattoo of his in the background. Wearing a shirt he has recently worn. His journal. All of those things.” Jeff explained the beginning of it. “From there, you’ll be more open. Post photos or do those Instagram stories your bakery is good at, Y/N. Have his voice in the background. Be photographed out and about. Simple things, grocery shopping. Y/N will come to your small gig, Harry. Hang around with your mum, and wear one of your rings on a necklace.” He would buy one and wear it for a bit before giving it to her so there was proof it was his. “When we get into it... we’re thinking cute Instagram posts from both of you. Open. Affectionate. A bit of an acting job. You’ll both be good at it though. I am confident you both can handle it.” He wasn’t sure how nonchalant Harry was seeming, though. Y/N seemed uneasy with how out of it Harry seemed to be and he didn’t blame her. 

“That’s quite a lot more than I bargained for.” Harry spoke again, sighing. “I suppose if it’s necessary for the numbers. I don’t know why I can't just do a meet and greet or something but. Okay.” He muttered.

Harry’s voice didn’t sound like the Harry Y/N knew. It was rather rough and not in the way she had grown to like it. It made her look away from him quickly, not wanting to piss him off. Maybe he was just having a bad day? She couldn’t really blame him. She was sure having all these fake relationships probably sucked. The tasks seemed fairly easy. Y/N knew that the team would be there to remind them about things and well, if she got to hang around Harry all the time, it really couldn’t be that bad. She really wanted to get to know Harry and hoped that he wanted to do the same. It would be more fun that way.

“You know why. Y/N is perfect. The fans will love her. She’s gorgeous, but has the girl next door stuff about her. Plus, she’s very nice. You’ve been lovely, Y/N.” Jeff turned to her, attempting to comfort her.

Y/N really needed to stop giving Harry the benefit of the doubt. He just kept proving her wrong. The tension between Harry and Jeff showed that Harry really wasn’t on board and it made Y/N feel strange. She thought that Harry had agreed to this and knew all the conditions, she didn’t think this was something that was sprung on him that he didn’t really get to think about. She smiled shyly again at Jeff’s compliment, looking back at Harry to try and read him. 

“I’m sure it’s weird having some stranger come around to be your girlfriend and all, but it’s just as new for me if that makes you feel better.” Y/N really wanted him to like her. Like really wanted him to like her.

Harry wasn’t sure what she was playing at. What she wanted. If it was more money or fame or whatever. He wasn’t sure exactly why she was doing this either besides for money. Whoever wanted to do this for fun would be absolutely crazy. 

“Thanks.” Harry nodded stiffly. Half of him didn’t like treating her coldly, but the bigger part was terrified of getting hurt. If she was using him for more money. Going to ask him to introduce her to someone else. No one ever liked him for him. They liked the things that came. The attention and money, luxury that was thrown at him. It was never for him or his love or jokes or interests.

Sure, people pretended to care but he knew far better than that. People didn’t care. They used him as a step stool to get what they wanted. Means to an end. Just like his last relationship that had really hurt him. 

Okay so he didn’t like her. Cool. Y/N couldn’t say it didn’t hurt because it definitely did, but she couldn’t sit here and cry about it. Y/N had come to this meeting and signed a year long contract and there was no getting out of it. So she sucked it up, looking back at Jeff who had explained what he wanted them to do. 

“So what we’ll do is have you both take photos of things today. Harry, you take a photo of your new guitar and have the flowers in the background. Y/N, you’ll take photos of the flowers and have just the bottom of the guitar on the counter.” It must be shocking for someone who wasn’t in the industry to see how this was so calculated.

“Would you want us to post them at different times then?” Y/N questioned, assuming hers would be uploaded first. If she posted it before Harry people would be more likely to connect the dots that the two of them were together. Well, that’s what Y/N would think as a fan. Being a fan and having a fan’s perspective would really help her in these situations because well, she knew what they wanted to hear and what they would think based on what she posted. Y/N felt like she could fully manipulate the fans to think whatever. It was quite simple really.

Y/N’s main account proved that she was a normal girl who also happened to be a Harry stan. She followed Harry on all the socials, but he probably would wait to follow her until they were public. That would make more sense. They needed to build up the story.

See. Harry wasn’t aware that she was a fan fan. There were plenty of people who went to his shows and shit for Instagram photos and videos. He didn’t even know her socials though so he didn’t check. It was maybe a little shitty of him to have a preconceived notion about her when she hadn’t barely talked to him, but he knew so many people who wanted to be in her position. Wanted to ‘date’ a celebrity until they found out that they have to travel with them and have to deal with fans and other people wanting your significant other. 

“I’m thinking not too far apart. Take the photos today but... hm. You post first. And then Harry will later. It’ll have people looking later on when they see the flowers. Fans are so insightful and research thoroughly.” Jeff was sure she knew that though. She’s had a fan account. “I have to go take this call— Harry, why don’t you tell Y/N about the album?” He excused himself then, going out and into the other room. 

No, no, Jeff, don’t leave. Y/N sighed to herself, nervous as all hell to be in a room with Harry alone when he had made it clear that he didn’t really want anything to do with her. But maybe they could talk about his album like Jeff suggested? Y/N loved his music, she often played it at her bakery. She was excited for the new album to drop and had genuine questions about it. 

Harry felt a bit on the spot but he just shrugged. “S’almost done. Don’t have a title yet. Choosing the singles soon I think.”

“That’s exciting.” Y/N smiled, “would you say it’s within the same vein as self titled or did you go in a different direction?” She asked not wanting to sound like an interviewer but this was a genuine question. God this was so uncomfortable for her, she wanted to run away and cry. She never thought that her idol would make her feel so uncomfortable in his presence. She was in his home and he clearly didn’t want her there, clearly didn’t want to have a fake girlfriend, and he was letting her know that pretty obviously whether he knew it or not.

The thing is, Harry knew he was making her uncomfortable but he didn’t really know how to stop it either. It wasn’t like he wanted to be fake. He didn’t want this. He wanted to be left alone with his music and his fans. Not a pretend fan posing as his girlfriend. That wasn’t ideal. No, he would much rather have real conversations with fans that weren’t paid to sit in his house and pretend to be interested in his music. He knew that Jeff wanted him to play nice though, so he answered the question vaguely. As always. 

“Different. A lot of different influences I guess. A lot of different things I wanted to make. It’s fun to do it.” God, Harry was being bland. But his fears drowned out the guilt he felt. Yeah, maybe it was harsh. He knew that. But he also knew that he would regret it if he didn’t. Who knew what this chick would spill to the press later on? What she would want from him! What else she would ask Jeff for.

“Well that’s good. I’m glad to hear it was fun.” Y/N nodded at his answer, feeling discouraged because he really didn’t seem like he was going to warm up to her no matter what she did. Y/N didn’t want to ask anything too specific in fear that he’d think she was a crappy fan, and well, she didn’t know how else to get him to warm up to her. These tricks usually worked on grumpy customers at the bakery. 

She wanted the earth to swallow her up. She was so embarrassed. She was just sat there, praying that she could leave soon so she could lock herself in her room and cry. The worst part was, no one, literally no one, could know about this relationship being fake. There could be no loose ends. 

“Again, I’m sorry about all this. Can’t imagine being in your position...” Y/N showed genuine empathy for him, attempting to get him on her good side one more time. Y/N wouldn’t give up on being kind, after all, he was the one that taught her that. It was just strange that he was acting this way towards someone he was going to be working closely with. Maybe this was just how he treated people professionally. He wasn’t mean, but he was cold. Y/N was still a fan at heart though and despite how he treated her she still would give her life for him. She loved him, cared for him, and would genuinely support him. It made her wonder if his whole nice guy persona was even real.

The hell? Why was she apologizing? Harry thought. She was the one getting paid for it. If he wasn’t in this position she wouldn’t be getting paid well. He wasn’t sure why this Y/N girl was trying to be so nice to him. No way in hell she could possibly imagine his annoyance. Perhaps she was a nice person or something, usually. But he was pretty positive she wasn’t rich and definitely did it for the money. It made him wary of being close to anyone when they were in this situation. Any time he had made friends with past stunts, they’d faked being truly wanting to hang out with him. Once it ended, they weren’t interested in hanging out when people couldn’t see them. It had hurt when he realized it was a pattern. 

Jeff came back in with a smile, but not oblivious to her sad face. Harry would get chewed out after, for sure. “Alright! I need you both to exchange numbers so you can communicate about meeting up. It’ll be pretty frequently.”

Y/N looked at Jeff with a small smile, nodding her head before pulling her phone out and handing it to Harry. She had changed her lock screens to something a bit more ordinary. After all, she didn’t want Harry thinking she was creepy or anything. Hanging out with Harry is something that she should be excited about, but suddenly the idea of it kind of scared her. Being alone and struggling to make conversation because she was just that intimidated by him. It was making her rethink all the years that she had spent fangirling over him. He didn’t know she was a fan, maybe that’s why he treated her the way he did? If he knew would he be fake and all over it? She didn’t want to know. 

“My days off from the bakery are Mondays and Wednesdays. But I know you probably have a set schedule so just let me know and I’ll work around it.” Y/N offered, genuinely wanting to show both Harry and Jeff that she was more than willing to cooperate. She wasn’t sure how she would get herself out of this one.

Harry sighed as he put his number in. God, he hoped she didn’t sell it. He didn’t want a new number. Someone had sold his number to fans before and it had sucked. As much as he adored his fans? He didn’t want them calling him every second. He was hesitant in handing her his phone. It was something he didn’t trust many people with but she tenderly took it and typed her own number in. Didn’t even try to snoop which was good— but then again, he was looking at the phone in her hand. 

Y/N was gentle with Harry’s phone in her hand, typing in all of her information into the contact so he didn’t have to ask. Something told her he would be annoyed having to asking her for her address if need be. So she just put everything in there, her birthday, her email, her phone number and the bakery number, as well as her address. 

“Monday’s and Wednesday’s work with him. He’s recording Thursday Friday and Sunday to give the voice a rest. Has some writing sessions he will take you to.” Jeff was annoyed as hell at Harry’s lack of kindness. He’d have to give him his own brand of talking to, but wasn’t sure if it would do much good. He was quite a stubborn person. An Aquarius at heart.

“That’s good. Yeah, I don’t know if you’re a morning person or if you like getting your sleep so um.. yeah just text me.” Y/N spoke kindly, still trying her hardest to be as accommodating as possible. To Y/N it wasn’t about the money, sure the money helped, but it was about giving Harry fans someone they could genuinely look up to. Y/N was a normal girl. She had normal sizes, normal tasks, normal likes as a human. She was a kind person. The fans would quickly find her information, quickly find out that she is a fan and would quickly see that Harry was finally dating someone that represented them. They had wanted someone like that for years, but too bad it was all fake.

Harry understood the context of it. He was going to date someone ‘normal’. Not in the world of the famous. Which in some cases, Harry wouldn’t mind. But there would be tons of things Y/N wouldn’t understand. What to be quiet about. Who to talk to and who not to. Privacy. Things she wouldn’t just... get. He had been in this life for 10 years now. It was his normal. And Y/N would have to learn it all and keep her mouth shut. 

“I am. I get up at 6.” He usually did. He could sleep in but he wasn’t the type of thing he did often. What she didn’t know was he had an awful time sleeping and needed to take stuff to help him. His mind never stopped, was always going. There was a lot Y/N didn’t know about him. He would do his best to make sure she didn’t find out.

It was hard for Y/N, continuing to be kind, but to keep herself from crying. She felt so out of place and so unwelcome, god she hoped that he would warm up to him. Maybe this was a terrible idea? Too bad she was in it for the long haul now. 

“Jeff, I have a question.” Y/N spoke up shyly, “obviously people don’t know anything about this yet, so there isn’t a microscope over my life just yet. I want to make sure I take all the precautions I can to keep my privacy to an extent, but also don’t violate Harry’s.” She genuinely was worried about that. She didn’t want to say too much or do the wrong things, she also didn’t want people finding out where she lived. Where she worked, sure, well... she probably would have to stop working at the bakery if things got too hectic. Y/N looked at Harry once again, a soft and gentle expression on her face. She wondered what it was about her that was making him act this way because this wasn’t the Harry she knew, not at all. All she wanted to do now is go home as quickly as possible and cry. She really wanted to take her posters down, really wanted to hide everything but frankly, everyone would question why she suddenly took things down. Y/N had to continue to keep her cool.

Jeff’s face softened. they’d lucked out with this one. Harry was an idiot when it came to things like this, put his blinders on— he knew well enough. But Y/N would help his career. Hell, maybe she could be his friend and help him come out of the funk he had been in with trusting people. 

Harry didn’t let it show on his face, but he was impressed with what she said. It didn’t change much, but he had it on the back of his mind. No one else had to think of these things before because they’d just known, but the fact that she had asked was nice. Time would only tell if it was genuine, though. 

“That’s a good question— I was actually about to ask about your social media. You’re going to need to change passwords. Verify everything twice. Take any potential tracking information away like the whole location finding on your phone so your friends can find you. Any social media accounts not reported to us originally in our first meeting would need to be shown. I suggest doing a deep clean and moving things out of it, as much as you can. Not enough to make you look like you did it on purpose. But... think of what you’d look for.” Jeff knew Y/N was a fan so she would have a similar brain.

“Okay yeah, I’ll need some help with that.” Y/N blushed, looking down at her hands. She had reported all her socials to them, yes, all of them. All her fan accounts and her main accounts. She wasn’t sure how to turn off all the tracking things or what to take down. She wasn’t problematic in any sense, so it wasn’t like she had any content she needed to delete. But it would probably be things like taking locations off of photos and turning off her location on snap map and for any of her friends that had her on there. She had actually done the latter this morning. 

“Also, I really don’t intend on telling anyone about this unless you give me the go ahead. So please, if there is anything you need me to do, let me know?” Y/N really was trying to think of everything here. She wanted to make sure this was seamless because she knew the fans would be like hawks over another fan being Harry’s girlfriend, if they found out it was PR they’d be crushed. Their whole image of Harry would be ruined. They needed to make this as real as possible. Y/N had so many suggestions, so many insights on what it was like to be a fan. She definitely wanted to speak up about anything that could potentially ruin this because well, this was Harry’s career and they couldn’t be caught doing this.

“Perfect! You’re going to do well with this, Y/N.” Jeff had been the one to find her so technically, this was his finding. He hoped that she could get Harry to realize how weird he was being. Because ultimately? He was a nice guy. He loved his fans, his friends and his family. Strangers scared him. He didn’t know who to trust and that made him act strangely. His team knew it. He was always polite to people he worked around but when it came to people invading his personal life, getting close? He said, no ma’am. “I’m happy that you’re aware of how it works a little. It makes it a bit easier. Harry here has had a few almost disasters with these types of things.” Jeff smirked at him, making Harry grumble and blush a little bit. Fuck. That wasn’t something he liked talking about too much. “Anyways... Y/N, we need you to be yourself. That’s why you were chosen, yeah? Just continue on. Be less active on that other twitter account of yours for the moment.” He had a whole plan for that. “Don’t stop completely but... I’ll send you ideas of what to tweet. Keep it vague but that you’re excited.” 

Harry didn’t know about the fan account. He would have, if he had read any paperwork, but right now he didn’t have a clue. 

They wanted her to be herself, which shouldn’t be too much of a problem. She just had to be aware that Harry was in her life now, consistently. He was her ‘boyfriend’ now. That’s something Y/N never thought she’d say. But here she was. 

“Okay, can do.” Y/N nodded, already knowing not to tweet as much on the fan account because well, she wouldn’t be doing that if she was hanging out with Harry. It would be hard for her not to tell anyone but she knew she had to do it. This was her duty as a fan to the fans, to make them feel represented and loved. “And what’s the story? Like how we met?” Y/N asked, feeling like that was important to know as well. She mostly asked for Harry’s sake because he clearly didn’t read the contract or the emails that had been sent around on the topic. This was an important first meeting, she assumed Harry wouldn’t want to hang out with her today but they probably would sometimes next week.

“Well, we wanted to leave that up to you. I had the idea of you both frequenting the same coffee shop— and before you both roll your eyes, I know it’s a fan fiction trope and I know that. But it’s believable considering Y/N doesn’t have any true connection that would be explainable to the music or entertainment industry.” Jeff explained. “If you have better ideas, Y/N, please feel free to tell me. However— we are trying to show this as you both fell for one another quite quickly. You both are very fond of one another and are around each other quite a lot.” He knew that Harry would be hard to deal with so he was definitely going to be offering Y/N some sort of bonus. “I think after the photos, we will have you both photographed leaving a dinner together next week. You’ll go with both myself and my girlfriend so it won’t be just throwing you two into the water.” Plus, he didn’t want her to be alone with Harry like that out in public without experiencing it first with him there. Jeff felt slightly protective of her, too. Like a little sister. “Also, I know you already said he’s but being clear— you’re okay with hand holding and physical touches in public with him, yeah? And for photos?”

Y/N laughed at the idea, “I mean that does work.” She said shrugging to herself. “But do we have anything to back that up? Have we ever been to the same coffee shop at the same time where someone who works there can confirm?” Y/N was really thinking about every detail here. “Jeff you’ve been to my bakery before haven’t you? Could just run with the fact that we became acquainted and you introduced us?” She felt like that was far more believable and paps wouldn’t have gotten photos of Jeff anyway so the story was contained between Harry’s team and her bakery. Her coworkers wouldn’t know who Jeff is, it was really fool proof. Also, did he say dinner next week? Wow, that was fast but she would be ready. “Where is dinner going to be? Just want to think about what I should wear.” Y/N blushed, wanting to make sure she looked nice for their first encounter together. Something very her but very consistent with something Harry would like on a girl. Y/N had been following Harry for ages, she knew what kind of outfit to wear based on what kind of restaurant it was. A casual dinner outfit for Harry was quite dressed up, so she’d probably end up doing a bold trouser, heeled boot, and plain blouse combo.

“Actually— that’s a good idea. I didn’t think about the staff thing. This was definitely done at the last minute so I’m not on my A game right this moment. Wonderful— lets do that.” 

Harry didn’t know anything about her, he realized. She worked in a bakery? He did when he was younger. He wasn’t sure if she knew that or not but it did make him a tiny bit more interested in her. Why would she do this? There had to be a real reason. He was positive. 

“Actually— Harry, go in there a few times this week. Make it somewhere people know you go. It’ll be believable that you found a new place and love it. And some of her coworkers will catch on, so on and so forth. I can call a tip, perhaps tomorrow? I know it’s starting early but we are on a schedule.” Jeff noted.

Harry was going to go to write tomorrow, but that obviously wasn’t about to happen. “I guess so. I can make time.” He had a pretty free day otherwise but it still annoyed him. However he was hoping there were good treats. Harry was a good actor when it came down to it. He hoped she could tell— didn’t want to thrust her about with his actions. In public was acting. All of it.

“And yes, about the touches and stuff. As long as it’s something Harry would actually do in public, yeah.” Y/N explained, knowing Harry was relatively private when he was in relationships. He didn’t do much PDA and she’d be okay with anything he was okay with. “Just um, let me know what’s okay.” It was a bit nerve—wracking, having to do all of this and make sure everything was sorted. Y/N knew a lot about Harry so she was positive that it wouldn’t be a problem, she’d only learn more. It was Harry that had to do a bit of learning about her. He would find out most things about her fairly quickly, she was an open book. 

“What type of baked good do you like?” Y/N asked, genuinely curious. “I’ll have some for you come around, pack you a little box.” She blushed, expressing something to him that she had always wanted to do. She knew he was a baker back in the day, maybe they’d bond over it?

Her coworkers would be shocked that Harry would be there considering Y/N was a massive fan and they knew that. But that’s when Y/N would tell them about it all. “You want me to tell my staff what exactly?” She wondered, “that we are kinda sorta seeing each other? Or that we’re just seeing how things go?”

“Uh— I like lemon things. Ginger cookies. Scones.... anything really.” Harry said quietly. It wasn’t said as coldly as the last couple words had been. Maybe it was because of baked goods? Regardless.... he was hoping that said bakery was good. He was obviously going to pay for them. 

“He also loves red velvet cupcakes.” Jeff piped up. “But I think that it’s a lovely idea, being familiar with what he likes... you’ve been so smart.” She really was. It was almost scary. Jeff approves immensely. Even Harry had to admit it was surprising to see her full of good ideas. “I think you should say you’ve been seeing one another. Not sure about where it will go but you really like him. Trust me— Harry here will be able to make them believe he’s very into you. His ability has made it so we’ve never been caught doing this thing. Not like that Camila and Shawn couple. They’re having leaks all over.” He winced. Their poor PR.

Y/N smiled and nodded at him, already having in mind what she would have ready for him when he came. She had an incredible lemon bar recipe and some other bits. Of course red velvet cupcakes. “Red Velvet are my favorite too. And carrot cake.” She commented, blushing once again. It’s true, Harry had been very good at all the PR relationships. She’d soon find out which ones were and which weren’t. She was determined to be the most coveted of them all though, the one that stuck out and actually stuck around hopefully. But she was positive that she’d fall for Harry’s act, hell, she’d fallen for him a long long time ago. “My staff is really tight knit, my sister runs most things actually. I trust they’ll keep things on the down low if I ask them to.” Y/N nodded, knowing that nothing would slip past her team unless instructed. She had a good feeling about all of this, they seemed to have most things under control. Y/N would help tie up loose ends that fans might think of and as long as they followed her lead, it would work.

“If you feel as though your sister can truly hold a secret, you can tell her. It wouldn’t be fair if you didn’t have someone to lean on.” Jeff said. He trusted her enough. Harry looked at him suspiciously. 

“Wait— hold on. What about an NDA?” Harry asked hurriedly. “We can't have any bit of this shit going out.” He was scared. So scared of someone finding out and thinking he was some damn fraud. 

“Harry— it’s fine. I’m sure she had enough sense to judge that a sister would tell or not. It’s up to her, anyways. Just remind her of the immense legal action that could take place if someone were to talk.” Jeff shrugged, knowing that Y/N really did know. “But we’ll have a tip called in about a bakery he’s been rumored to go to— no way that they’ll know if it’s true— and they’ll probably take shots through the window. We can escalate later during the week to him picking you up from work to bring you home. Something like that before the dinner.” He thought out loud. “Thoughts? Y/N?” Harry has been quiet. He didn’t like these things so he didn’t say much. Just let them plan whatever and wing with it later on. He was kind of shut down internally.

“I’ll think about it. But I’m still apprehensive to tell anyone. I wouldn’t want this getting out regardless... I wouldn’t want fans to lose trust in Harry just because I decided I wanted to tell my sister.” Y/N explained, knowing she’d probably tell Katya if it got too intense, but for now, she wasn’t saying anything. “Seems fine. I think once a week or maybe twice a week is more than enough. Don’t want to over kill either. Essentially, if he’s in the area he can pop by.” Y/N explained, thinking that was the best way to go about it. “I know you said we are on a schedule but you don’t want it to look unnatural either.” She said and sighed as she looked over at Harry. 

He really didn’t seem to like this and she understood but she hoped that he would loosen up even a little bit. She wasn’t a terrible person, all he had to do was ask. Y/N was pretty much an open book. “Is there anything else?” Y/N asked, eager to get things done and maybe chat to Harry a bit if he was willing before going home.

“I don’t think so. We’re going to try and take it as it comes so we don’t overwhelm you.” Jeff was the main talker and Harry was kind of just sitting and watching. Trying to read her. Either she was a very good hiding person, or she was good. Either way, he didn’t trust her. Lots of people had seemed sweet and generous and fun when he had first met them only to turn out to absolutely wreck his fragile heart. He knew he was fragile that way and he had given people the benefit of the doubt one too many times. He didn’t trust his own radar anymore. The more Harry looked, the prettier Y/N got— which was infuriating. It pissed him off internally because she had the type of lips every man wanted wrapped around their cock, and beautiful legs he had seen when she walked in. He never took women for granted, would never disrespect them, but his initial reaction was arousal and that made it even worse with his trust issues. Her eyes were soft and doll like but had a sharpness to them that he was far too aware of. She was smart. Incredibly so. And she was curvier than he usually dated— or was seen with, actually, because he had a few one nighters with girls that was far bigger than Y/N and he had loved it. He liked her body. It was a perfect mix, he thought. And then got annoyed about even thinking about it. Damn it.

Y/N nodded, “Alright, thank you very much. I’ll um... I’ll take the picture of those flowers and I’ll get out of your hair.” She chuckled apologetically, sensing that Harry really just wanted this to end and she would give that to him. He made her so nervous, now more so because she was scared of making him angry with her. Harry had always been someone she didn’t want to get on the bad side of. Harry was so nice to everyone that it really made her upset that for some reason he had singled her out and not liked her. It was disappointing. But I guess people were right when they say, never meet your idols. In many ways, Harry was Y/N’s ideal man. She liked how driven he was, how multi talented he was, how charming he was, how he was unapologetically himself. Plus he was scientifically proven to be one of the most attractive men on this planet next to ryan gosling. It was a shame that a lot of the things she had thought about Harry originally would slowly crumble as she got to know him better. It hurt, but she’d keep that hurt to herself. Just because the illusion was ruined for her didn’t mean it was ruined for everyone.

Harry felt bad, because she seemed to be in a hurry to leave. It was what he was supposed to want, so why did it make him so uncomfortable? He hadn’t wanted for her to be upset. Just... to keep her distance. She had these baby eyes and soft cheeks that looked sad and he wanted to give her a reassuring smile but he was trying to remind himself that there was potential danger here. Most likely she was a wannabe actress. Testing it out on him. Made sense. 

“Okay.” He nodded, standing up. When he did so, he realized he was quite a lot taller than her. Usually, he had models who matched his height. But she was smaller. Cute. He hadn’t experienced that before. Knocking that thought out of his head, he took the photo of his new coke bottle green acoustic, letting the flowers show in the back before he rested it back up against the counter. Y/N took her turn with her picture, taking a bit more time than Harry. Probably a better result too, and he wished he had patience at the moment.

A ping of sadness spread over her, she thought maybe he’d pretend to try and get to know her a bit but nope. All hope was lost then and Y/N went to take a photo of the flowers in a way that would fit her personal Instagram aesthetic. She usually posted shit like this so it wouldn’t be too out there. Once she was happy with the photo she had slipped her phone back into her pocket, looking at Harry and Jeff with a small smile. 

“Well, um, thanks for having me.” Y/N started off, pulling on her jacket. “And I’ll see you tomorrow?” She asked Harry with a small tinge of hope. He had said he would visit her bakery but she was still worried he wouldn’t show up. She felt so small. Being who she is, she went in for a hug anyway. Both figuratively and physically, Harry had intimidated her and she was weary about every move around him at the minute. Maybe she’d get used to it. “It was nice to meet you, Harry.” Y/N gave him a genuine smile, feeling even more shy now that she was so close to him. 

This would be torture.

Harry was a bit startled, but relented and hugged back. It was a bit weak, but he gently patted her back. God damn it. Why was she acting so sweet and nice and innocent? He would almost rather her be truthful about her wants of money and fame. It would be a lot more tolerable. 

“You as well.” He pulled back, face neutral. Thank god he had gotten his hard on down a decent amount. Never would he live this down. He didn’t just get hard for no reason. That girl had bamboozled him and was trying to trick him and wouldn’t let it happen. When she left, Harry continued to stare at her back before the door shut. And then he was promptly slapped upside the head by Jeff. 

“Ow! What was that for?” He hissed, rubbing the spot he had been smacked. Jeff Gave him an incredulous look, shaking his head. 

“You idiot. You’re going to scare away someone who will ultimately help your career and relationship with your friends.” Jeff scolded. “That girl is nothing but sweet. She’s doing this for you, and you know why. She’s a kind person and you better not make her run on us early. Do you want the press to get wind of it? She could talk, if you really treat her poorly. Looked like a damn kicked puppy when you wouldn’t talk to her.” He got his dad face on, crossing his arms. 

“You’re going to have to suck it up. Regardless if you actually like her or not, you’ve got to be decent to her. She’s stuck with you for a year.” Harry was irritated with that. Stuck with him? Although... maybe he was accurate with that.

Y/N tried her best to keep her tears at bay, putting on some music that would keep her energy up until she was in the comfort of her own home. She had been as discreet as possible leaving Harry’s secret London home. To the public, he lived somewhere in Hampstead which was actually closer to where Y/N lived in Camden.

After about an hour on public transportation, Y/N had finally made it back to her cozy flat. Tears immediately began to form as she unlocked the door, sniffling as she took off her coat and threw it to the ground with an absent mind. She ran to her room, storming to the bathroom to grab a roll of toilet paper. She needed to be prepared. How could someone she looked up to so much been such a dick to her? She could understand he didn’t trust strangers, but he truly made her feel like she wasn’t even worth basic human respect. Y/N was trying to be as kind as possible to him despite him being such an asshole to her and even still, he gave her a weak hug and response. As if she was a chore. It made her feel sick to her stomach. So she cried for a while, showered, got cozy in bed and went to sleep. She had early mornings at the bakery seeing as everything was freshly baked. So she was up at 3:30 every morning to make sure she was ready for their opening at 7.

----

‘Hello. I am coming in at 9:30. H.’

Harry looked it over. It wasn’t too friendly but wasn’t too rude, right? He was overthinking. Y/N had made him think last night. He hoped he hadn’t hurt her too badly, because while he did see her sad eyes he thought he was making it up in his head to try and feel bad for her. Jeff has confirmed it and made that ugly feeling in his stomach crawl into his throat. He sat and thought about how to make it so they were at a distance, but she wasn’t too hurt. Every part of the scared side of him said to continue his actions, though. He wasn’t being mean. Right? ‘Wrong. You dick.’ The other side of him told him. Conflict was something he saw all too much of in his life. He knew too well about the issues at hand. But he had always taken it so he wasn’t sure how not to prepare for it. 

Pulling up to a quaint little bakery, Harry smiled to himself. It was cute. A punny name. He liked it. Somewhere he definitely could see himself going randomly if he had seen it. Parking his car across the street, he sat for a moment and gathered himself. Now to prepare for being cute to her.

Y/N would be lying if she said she didn’t smile at the text. She had always imagined getting a text from Harry and here she was getting a text from Harry. It wasn’t anything special, but it was to her despite how sad he had made her yesterday. She had dressed herself in a baby blue sweater and overalls, putting her hair up into a messy yet contained bun. All that crying yesterday made her eyes fairly puffy so she made sure to do some fresh, no makeup makeup look. She wanted to look cute if he was coming. 

“What’s gotten into you this morning?” Katya asked, seeing Y/N’s giddy mood. They were currently baking everything they’d prepped yesterday, putting out all the freshly baked breads, bagels, cinnamon rolls, and donuts. 

“Dunno, just... happy I guess.” Y/N smiled, saying it in a way that would raise questions. Perfect, get her thinking. Her excitement was genuine. He was going to come and see her and be sweet to her, it was like a whole new interaction between the two. Best part was, she could just play out everything she imagined in her head. It was a perfect set up. Jeff was so smart with getting a fan to do this.

“Hm. We’ll see. That looks like a boy smile.” Her sister really had no clue. Everyone knew she was a big fan, and would be absolutely floored when he came in. 

Harry sighed against his steering wheel, he put on his big boy pants and decided to get a move on. Today, he wore a loose white button up with a few of the buttons undone, black trousers and red boots with ‘sucker’ on the back of them. He had been sent the whole collection and did quite like it. But his pea coat was unbuttoned, car keys stuffed into the coat pocket after locking the door. The little bells chimed as he walked in, and he took a look around. It was very cute. Instagram worthy, some would say. It smelled really good too, which was a plus.

The earlier morning rush had passed, kids now at school and parents now at work. The rest of the day really consisted of prepping more goods and serving whoever came in. Y/N really liked working at the bakery, it was her safe space to be creative and feel good. She liked to spread the message of kindness she had learned from Harry into her store everyday. 

There were a few people in the bakery when he came in, sitting drinking coffee and doing work. They hadn’t really noticed who it was, and even if they knew they didn’t seem to care too much. Y/N popped her head from out the back and smiled widely when she saw him, walking over to the register so she was closer to him. 

“Good Morning, how can I help you?” She asked in a teasing tone, that giddy grin still on her face. Y/N was going to let him take the lead, letting him choose how this interaction would go but of course Y/N was going to turn up the flirt factor so that anyone surrounding them could tell there was something going on between the two of them. “You look nice.” She hummed.

“Hello, love.” Harry felt a weird gushy feeling in his stomach when she had smiled so widely at him. Fuck. Y/N looked so pretty. Hair perfectly messy, lashes long and eyes wide and glittering. Her lips had a bit of gloss or something along those lines and he wondered if it was flavored for a moment. “You do as well. Like the color.” He did, and that wasn’t even a lie. He loved the color and how it complimented her skin and hair. Made her eyes pop out. “I would really love a cup of coffee... and a hug.” 

Though she was surprised, the look didn’t stay long on her face. Instead, he was met with a gushy smile and a crinkle of her nose, “can do, yeah.” Y/N hummed as she rounded the corner to come give him a proper hug. Closing her eyes as she snuggled into his chest for that brief moment.

God. Harry was fucking himself over with this, and he didn’t even know why he suggested that but his heart twinged when she looked surprised for a moment, but beamed like a ray of sun before rounding the corner. Her apron was taken off and he decided to take the initiative and hug her. It was a friendly hug, held for a bit too long. Her body was warm, warming him from the cold he had felt outside. Her cheek pressed against his chest which had been bare since he had forgone a few buttons, and his mouth felt dry. He hadn’t had a decent hug in months by anyone but his mother. Pulling back, he brushed a tendril of hair away that had escaped. 

“I came to see if you’d be so kind and give me some pastries.” Harry spoke quietly, making the moment look private— even though he had heard the choked gasp and the whispering going on behind them— her coworkers. It was sweet really, the two of them clearly excited to see each other, but also not wanting to draw too much attention to the fact that they were like that. It was perfect acting. 

Well, she wasn’t acting. Y/N looked up at him with enamored eyes, the smile never leaving her face as he even spoke quietly to her. 

“Of course, how many are you thinking?” She asked just as quietly, biting her lip a little as she hesitated to move back behind the counter to get his coffee going. “Black coffee yeah? For here or to go?” Y/N confirmed, knowing that he didn’t take cream or sugar in his coffee from being a fan. She’d just say Jeff told her. 

Her coworkers were bewildered, Katya’s eyes nearly popping out of her socket as she watched the interaction unfold. Y/N giggled at them, shaking her head as she went to get a box for Harry’s goods. 

“What would you like? Anything you’d like, on the house.” Y/N told him, standing behind the massive glass cases full of baked goods. “Lemon bars, red velvet cupcakes, and anything else?”

“Absolutely not on the house, I’ll be paying. Nice try though, pet.” Pet was a good nickname for her. She was a responsibility— but a cute one. Even if it burned his ass to think about her like that. But right now? Y/N was plenty cute— and she acted very, very well. Harry almost believed this true excitement. Thankfully, he found that he fed off of that energy from her acting. “You already know? Impressive.” Harry looked at her with a gentle smile. “Yeah, the coffee black. Lemon bars, the cupcakes. Hm. Throw a few random cookies in there too. I’ll be going to write for a little while.” That was good to do, right! Throw in a daily activity. He felt his mind was off when he was around her. It went a little crooked, was the best way to say it. He got distracted and honestly? It was kind of infuriating. He supposed it wasn’t her fault, unless she was secretly a siren and singing a silent song. Or had a spell attracting him to her, even though he was fighting it hardcore.

“Hey.” Y/N pouted when he refused her offer, “let me do something for you.” She said firmly because she meant it. A few baked goods and some coffee cost her nothing in the long run, but she wanted to do something nice for Harry because all the fancy dinners and experiences about to come were something she’d never be able to repay him for. Y/N packed everything up in the box, even adding a cute little note that said ‘tell me which was your favourite — Y/N ❤️ xx’. She put it into a paper bag and set it on the counter next to the cup of coffee. She was actually quite excited for him to try them, she wanted his opinion and frankly she knew they were damn good. 

“Long day ahead of you then?” Y/N asked, referencing him writing. She was genuinely asking because she cared, wishing that he was comfortable enough with her that she could come and give him a cuddle when he got home. What was she thinking? This isn’t real, he’s acting. And she’s meant to be acting as well.

It did strike him off that she didn’t take the money. Or the offer of paying. Usually people say that when they want it anyways and just expect you to insist, but she really didn’t seem to care about it. Which... was suspicious. While the bakery was very cute, it definitely wasn’t high end. He could tell they needed some new chairs and definitely some updated paint but he thought it added to the charm. Maybe they truly couldn’t afford it? He was curious as to what the hell she spent the money she was going to get on. 

It was true that the bakery was a little bit worn, but with the money she’d be getting from this contract halfway through? They’d be able to afford closing for however long they needed to renovate. Y/N has even wanted to buy the space upstairs as well and host small acoustic gigs for local musicians. 

“Uh.. I mean, a little bit. I’ll be writing a bit and then going to a very boring meeting.” It was the truth. God, how was he going to be able to focus? Harry was fighting a battle internally with how it was with her, trying to read things and find warning signs but it was hard. She was scary. Not in an outright way— but the way that. If this was real! If he had just walked in and met her at the coffee shop and didn’t think this was acting? He’d give her his number. She had an amazing charm around her that he was positive she had to know about— though acted as though she didn’t. “I hate to cut it short, pet. But I’ll talk to you soon, yeah?” He took hold of her smaller hand and squeezed it, before stuffing a hundred pounds into the tip jar. He turned around before she could protest, only turning when he got to the door to shoot her a wink. And as soon as he was out the door, he heaved a heavy breath. Christ. Why?

“Aw well, text me if you get too bored.” Y/N gave him a cheeky smile, leaning on the counter a little bit so she was closer to him. “Have a good day, pet.” She teased right back, smirking as he started to walk off. He really didn’t have to put a hundred pound note in there, that was flexing a bit, but it was very nice. It would go straight towards the bakery as it normally did.

3..2..1…

“What the actual fuck was that?” Her sister came storming over with wide eyes. “Y/N— that was... he's all over your walls. He has been on them for years and now he’s callin’ you pet?” She was shrieking but for good reason. Harry bloody Styles came in and hugged and flirted with her sister, they seemed to know each other well enough. It was incredibly shocking and Y/N hadn’t said a damn word to anyone. She used to stay up to watch his tv show appearances— hell, Katya was 99% sure she still did. But now? “You guys have each other’s numbers.... Y/N, you can't be for real.” Her eyes were wide as she looked at her blushing sister. Anyone would be just as freaked out. Harry was not only a celebrity, but she had seen the times she spent hundreds on tickets and had photos of him as her lock screen— which had mysteriously disappeared.

“Yeah, yeah he is.” Y/N giggled, blushing deeply as her sister looked at her in awe. Her sister knew first hand how much Y/N loved Harry. She had watched how Harry single handedly saved her from the darkest of times, how genuinely happy he made her. Hell, she even went to a show with her once just to see what all the fuss was about. Y/N wrapped her arms around her sister in a hug, squeezing her tightly because she really appreciated how excited she was. Her poor sister was convinced it was real and Y/N couldn’t break it to her. Couldn’t tell her Harry was actually really cold to her and not anything like that. 

Truth is, Y/N had a really shitty love life. All her ‘boyfriends’ weren’t really boyfriends and Harry was sort of the one thing that kept her going. She just dreamed about what she wanted, dreamed about how Harry would treat her better in hope that one day maybe, she’d meet someone like him. 

“His manager, Jeff. He comes here a lot you know... and he um, he introduced the two of us.” Y/N explained, being her shy and coy self. It was 100% believable.

----

Harry went to the writing session and found himself writing about her eyes. Bright eyes and lush thighs and every bit of silky hair he wanted to wrap around his hand. He had very dirty thoughts about this girl and it translated in to paper. 

Harry had to go home and jerk off. And it was embarrassingly quick. He thought about how her sweater had dipped down and he’d seen the swell of her breasts, imagining taking her back behind that counter and fucking her sweet cherry mouth and watching his cum drip from her lips down to her tits. Knowing that in his fantasy world, she’d be walking around with his cum on her— and that was quickly done. 

The guilt he felt after though? It was annoying. He was so cold to her but wanted to fuck her raw. So in that guilt, he went up to the kitchen and tasted a lemon square— nearly fucking moaned. It was so good. He knew it was part of the whole thing to go there, but he wouldn’t be complaining because if he got those every time? He would be set. 

‘Lemon square is good. Thanks. H.’ 

It was dry but also a compliment, so he didn’t feel so bad for using her face in his dirty mind.

Y/N was about half way done with her day when she got that text from Harry, smiling a bit because he actually decided to text her. Sure she left a note, but he didn’t have to text. That was a private thing that they did after all. 

‘glad you liked them 🍋’ 

She wondered why on earth she felt so fucking happy. He had just popped in for a brief interaction but it made her whole day fly by. Before she knew it she was closing down the store, locking up to head home. “You going to see your man tonight?” Katya asked curiously and Y/N blushed. 

“No, unfortunately. But we’re going for dinner next week with his manager and his wife.” Y/N told her, knowing stuff like that she could tell her. “Might hang out tomorrow though cause it’s my day off, but he’s a busy man so I’m not sure yet.” Even hearing herself speak about Harry like this was so strange, but she’d get used to it for sure.

--------------------------------------------

[part 2]

A/N: Harry :( why he have to be like that?? better hold on tight for this one - n+d

let us know what you think!

masterlist

#writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry writing #harry styles smut #harry styles #jarofstyles

[see]

i take back everything i've ever said. here's how the sandbox characters behave on social media:

i'm sticking with my original idea for nero that he just vent posts on tumblr but i'm gonna go one step further and say that he kins too. what's funny is that he is hot irl and has a hot girlfriend so everyone's like "what's he doing here?" also in his intricately made carrd it says like "please lmk if i rb from anyone problematic or if you run into anyone that can predict the future, my dms are always open"

i think micha has most types of normal social media (twitter, tiktok, instagram) and pre-sandbox he just quote tweets posts about politics clowning on people and makes like minimalistic tiktoks about the shit he's eating but after he meets adler his tiktok is entirely him stitching videos of adler makes and like sputtering and ogling him like an insane person.

adler makes tiktoks about how to repair cars and that's literally it. and he never shows up on screen. his comments are all like "here before micha" "seriously micha? a car guy 😭" "who is micha"

kanna runs a poolcore oceancore nature vibes aesthetic blog that derails after the first few weeks because he likes to post in remarkable detail about his life and the shit he's up to which is like mostly tmi. he also replies to nero's vent posts with this 🫂 <- emoji and all of nero's kinnie mutuals are like "bro why is oceanaesthetics the nature aesthetic queue blog replying to your posts". also he posts shit like "i wish you would look at me the way you look at her" and it gets zero notes

bianca uses normal social media and she has a really cute instagram account which is like 30% her holding up random household objects and people think it's a cutesy aesthetic thing she does (like when girls will hold up their boba they're drinking or whatever) but the caption is "how do i use this". she posts cute stuff with nero and she links his tumblr and the comments are like "girl... a tumblrina?"

crow has a tumblr as well where he almost exclusively vents and it's not like a weird gore vent account it's like a "holy shit dude" account. and EVERY new post, something else has happened. he's like "i got in a car crash" "my best friend killed himself" "my other best friend was murdered" "my girlfriend went missing and i'm being framed for murdering her" and every post nero tries to ratio him. you can't even do that on tumblr. he tries anyways. he's like "L + ratio + yb is better + ratio again". crow also has regular social media and everyone thinks he's hot in like a ben awad way

#oc tag #nero #micha #adler #kanna #bianca #crow

[fool-of-second-breakfast]

Connor Murphy wasn't a bad person.

He was misunderstood by everyone, including his own family. When people say that he wouldn't have regretted his death because the Connor project did so much good, and his sister got a kind and caring boyfriend, in my eyes are wrong. Because in the book he has clearly stated that he just doesn't care, he didn't see the point. He was dead, anything that happened after just didn't matter. 

He didn't understand why Evan was making up lies about being his friend, he thought it was weird but ultimately didn't care. Yes he did get annoyed at his mother for believing what Evan said about him, but never openly got mad at him for doing it. He got mad at his mom for believing it because she never took the time to actually know her son. 

His own parents refused to understand and listen to him, opting to just treat him like a project, hoping that if they just threw money at the issue that it would get better. In reality, Connor only wanted someone that would listen to him, who could understand him, he never really got that. Granted his parents did love him, but they didn't treat him right. They didn't want to deal and actually talk out his problems, they just wanted him fixed. 

Connor just didn’t want to be alone, but he was.

When people say that Connor is a terrible person for the way that he treated Zoe, they don't understand that Zoe also treated him horribly. Yes Zoe was neglected by her parents because they were concerned with Connor, but does that give her the right to treat Connor horribly? I don't think so. In reality she should have been mad at her parents and not Connor. It was her parents that put Connor above her, not Connor putting himself above her. Connor wanted help, he wanted someone to just listen and understand him. He never got that. He never got to be himself either, he tried. But it didn't work out. 

"But see, anytime my mother got a glimpse of the raw me, she couldn't take it. There'd be so much fear in her eyes. There was love, too- I saw it. But the fear... that's what stuck with me. You catch that look, and it's not like you're itching to open yourself up. No, you shut down pretty quickly." 

Another line. 

"I suppose this is what I get for building my walls so high. My family never got to know about my life." 

He didn't let his family get to know him, because he scared his family. He loved them, and he knew that they loved him, but he scared them. He knew that he was ultimately alone, he had nobody and nobody wanted him. So he made his exit, and you can't blame him for doing so. 

Another thing that people don't mention nearly enough. Connor was an avid reader. He constantly quotes/brings up famous writers or people (Shakespeare, Nietzsche, etc) Evan also goes on to mention books that he notices that Connor owns. And points it out as a similarity that they had. 

"Also, like me, Connor has shelves crammed with books. I see The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, The Catcher In The Rye, The Great Gatsby, and The Mysteries Of Pittsburgh. Some of the stuff I've never heard of, some I have... He's got at least a half a dozen Kurt Vonnegut novels. A few have Dewey decimal numbers on the spines." 

He goes on to point out one book that they have both read. "Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer." He goes on to say that it's a weird feeling, knowing that they've both read the same book. That he could've had more in common with him. That they could've had a conversation about the books they've read, that maybe they could've been friends. Evan then goes on to open Connors sketch book, landing on a page of a man being rained on by rats and spiders. The caption of the drawing reading, "Crittercism." Evan finds it clever and funny. 

So yeah, Evan could've been Connor's friend. Main word being "Could've". They were both socially awkward, and anxiety ridden, so in reality, no they probably wouldn't have become friends. Neither of them would've sucked up the courage to try.

Not to mention, Connor did have a friend, Miguel. Who is not talked about enough. Because Connor did have feelings for Miguel, but he was scared. Scared whenever Miguel would get too close, and whenever Miguel did get too close he would jump away, only allowing Miguel to get tiny glimpses of his raw self. And as mentioned earlier, his family was scared of his raw self, he didn't want to lose Miguel over that, didn't want to lose Miguel because he finally decided to open up and show him his raw self. He didn't want Miguel to become scared of him like his family had. 

That is one of the reasons why I hate when people say that Connor was a terrible and heartless person, because he wasn't. He was just scared. 

Another reason why I hate it when people say that is because once Evan comes clean to the Murphys, he leaves, wandering out onto the street. Connor follows. Not angry with him, but actually relates to what Evan is saying and going through. He watches as Evan breaks, coming to sit in the middle of the street. Connor begins to get almost worried for Evan, checking the street for cars before feeling compelled to try and reason with Evan. He knows that Evan can't actually hear him, but try anyways. 

"Get up, I say. He shakes his head, keeps shaking it. He can try to wish the pain away. Not going to make it stop. Trust me, I tried." A distant headlight appears. He knows that Evan sees it, but Evan still doesn't move. 

Connor keeps trying to get Evan to move. Eventually getting right in his face. 

"Own it, I say. I wasn't able to. You hear me? Evan? That's what you do. You get up. And you own it." 

You can't tell me that Connor was a horrible person, when he tried to help Evan knowing that Evan couldn't hear him. Tried to help the boy that made up lies about his life. 

Connor never blamed Evan for anything, because he understood Evan more than anyone would ever understand himself. He understood Evan the same way he wanted someone to understand himself. 

Ultimately I don't think Connor did anything wrong, or that he was a bad person. In my eyes, he's an amazing character. As a person, and a character. He is so misunderstood, it's sad seeing a character that was already misunderstood, continue to be misunderstood.

Connor was alone. He loved jokes. He was sensitive. He didn’t blame anyone for what happened, “It’s no one’s fault. And it’s everyone’s.”

Connor made his exit.

#dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen the book #connor murphy #deh #connor deh #deh connor #wasnt a bad guy #misunderstood #misunderstood character #character insight #understanding #understanding a character #deh connor murphy

[jeonjk0504]

why didn’t you say anything about the racism bts have faced these past days :(

Hey anon!

I actually haven‘t been online here because of the racism debate. I was on twitter and was supporting it there on two accounts nonstop! if you want to follow me, my @ is also jeonjk0504 :)

You are completely right though, i should have spoken up on my platform here sooner, to educate my followers on this really important matter!

If i make mistakes or should word things differently, please let me know, as you can tell i‘m not native.

The short version:

Credits to @ squishykosmos (twt)!

What happened?

3 days ago, the german radio host Matthias Mattuschik from the station Bayern3 spew racist remarks about BTS because of their MTV Unplugged cover of coldplay. He is a fanboy of coldplay and only wanted to introduce their song ‚Fix you‘ but somehow it was necessary to explain to his listeners why it was an utter insult that BTS had an MTV unplugged concert (he called it paradox, because it‘s a boyband) where they were allowed to cover his favorite song. Coldplay allowed the cover by the way and even commented on it positively.

Here are two links from his original rant, translated in english:

https://twitter.com/bts_updates_ger/status/1365211269133971458?s=21 (Part 1)

https://twitter.com/atinystrawbery/status/1365052883771785219?s=21 (Part 2)

As a german i know that to other people our language sounds quite agressive in general, but this is a whole different level. This isn‘t said in a jokingly way, it‘s pure hatred.

He called BTS a virus against which hopefully there will be a vaccine soon, that their cover of coldplay is blasphemy and that they are little pisser who should get a 20-year vacation in North Korea. Considering the rising violence against Asians all over the world because of Covid, his speech is extremely harmful and normalizes hate against Asians apart from the fact that it was racism in it’s purest form. Why the wish for a South Korean Group to have vacation in the North Korean dictatorship is inhumane and racist, i hopefully don‘t have to explain further. He even said, he can‘t be xenophobic, because he drives a korean brand car (which turned out to be japanese). The new ‚i can‘t be racist, i have a black friend‘.

This also hasn‘t been the first time, in 2018 he made an antisemetic comparison between smoker and jews for which he got a little attention, but no consequences.

Furthermore ARMY dug up a picture on his instagram from 2020 with the caption ‚ Is more evidence needed?!?,‘

A short note:

What makes this even more infuriating is that the radio station is regulated by public-law and german citizens are OBLIGATED to pay for it. We literally are forced to pay money to a radio station that broadcasts openly racist slurs! And no, it‘s not allowed. They have policies that explicitly say they are not allowed to discriminate, they have to support diversity and have to be politically and economically independant.

Do they give a fuck? Apparently not really.

Did Bayern3 answer the hashtags and the pressure?

They did, first came a short nonpology where they said that the show, which Matthias Matuschik is broadcasting, is known for his direct and honest opinions and that he could have worded it better. They are sorry if anyone felt insulted, which is excusing the feeling of the fans, but not the act in itself.

After Army answered with the hashtag ‚Racism is not an opinion‘ and various media coverage surfaced, they posted a second ‚apology‘, where they -again- said that they are distancing themselves from what was said and Matthias has always been an avid supporter of refugees so he is very far away from being a racist. (Supporting refugees doesn’t excuse you from saying racist things though.) Matthias stated that he is shocked from the reactions, that he is ‚sorry if people felt what he said was racist‘ and that his family is getting death threats. (which is in no way acceptable of course.) They would review what was said so it doesn‘t happen again.

Here you can read the statements in german and translated in english:

First statement: https://twitter.com/bts_updates_ger/status/1365087239756259330?s=21

Second statement: https://twitter.com/bts_updates_ger/status/1365305564050382849?s=21

This would have probably been the beginning of a conversation, if Matthias wouldn‘t have went to facebook after his second apology to like a supporting post that basically stated that the topic is way overhyped and in the 80s you were allowed to say your opinion without people getting butthurt (this is a short form.) He completely revised his remorse literally the same day after the updated apology and supported a statement that was gaslighting the people who critized him. You can read the facebook post here:

https://twitter.com/traveltomyrm/status/1365321397342461957?s=21

Since then: Nothing. My mom told me yesterday they‘re playing dynamite a lot, i told her to switch the channel.

News Coverage

Thankfully, we got a lot of support from I-ARMY and K-ARMY, otherwise we wouldn‘t have been able to trend the hashtags day and night and kept them in the top categories in germany and worldwide. We also got a lot of support from international media who called out the racism and put them into context in really amazing articles. (Also K-Media and J-Media but i only have screenshots, no links) Here are a few of them:

https://rollingstoneindia.com/xenophobic-german-presenters-comments-about-bts-are-just-the-tip-of-the-racist-iceberg/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/bryanrolli/2021/02/26/bts-were-once-again-the-subject-of-racist-on-air-remarks-and-received-a-pathetic-non-apology/

We even got celebrities like halsey, max, lauv, steve aoki, JJ Ryan, DJ Swivel, Liam McEwan, Zara Larsson, MTV UK, Columbia Records and some more bring attention to the issue and show their support for BTS in the face of racism.

This support was probably the reason why we even got a second ‚apology‘, because guess what? German media ain‘t having it. Since the beginning of our protest, i think i saw 2 articles in total which actually called it racism, various newspapers and online magazines were downplaying it by talking about ‚insults‘ and concentrating on Matthias calling BTS pisser instead of quoting the actual racist remarks he made. We got no TV news whatsoever. So naturally, german locals looking at this protest think that Fans are going on a rampage because their favorite boygroup got insulted.

It has been maddening. The radio station and host have been trying to sit this whole thing out for days, in hope we lose energy over the weekend and it‘s draining to not be heard or taken seriously. For me it‘s still a priviledged perspective, because i don‘t have to bear consequences when this thing is over, one way or another. But for Asians in our country, also some of my friends, this horror in times of covid will continue. The lack of serious German Media coverage has been frustrating and embarrasing to say the least, but also shown again, that the topic gets overshadowed by prejudices against KPop, the fanbase and Asians as part of satirical fun (which it isn‘t).

Why is that?

This is my personal take and not a deep analysis, just my personal observations: Germany might be progressive in a lot of aspects, but they still have deeply ingrained every day racism against asians and they have a huge problem realizing and admitting to that. We don‘t have a lot of asian representation and there is a huge alieniation from asians for a lot of german 50+ (also less, but those are the ones in power mostly). Racism against Asians is not seen enough and people don‘t empathize, partly because they‘re white privileged people who don‘t have to live with certain stigma, partly because they simply don‘t care to educate themselves about minorities in their own country. This ignorance is widespread, if it doesn‘t happen in front of your doorstep, it‘s probably nonexistant. It‘s also not only reserved for Asians, january 2021 we had a talkshow where 5 white german people talked happily about what minorities such as Romani people think as insulting or racist. They did get a lot of backleash because obviously they talk about matters, without letting minorities be part of the discussion, but real consequences? Nope.

I doubt that this protest will get Matthias Matuschik fired (which it should if you are openly racist on a public platform), because the pressure is too low and the radio station has shown with their first statement that they thought it‘s rather funny than problematic. But i don’t know what‘s going to happen. Apart from being an ARMY, i am an adult who condemns racism in any way or form. Why german media chooses to overlook the essence of the debate and makes it a hystercial fanbase issue is beyond me.

If you want to have a look yourself, you can follow German Fanbase accounts, such as @ BTS_UPDATES_GER for updates in german and english.

And at last, here is a thread on how german media reproduces Anti Asian Racism : https://twitter.com/storiesbythuy/status/1366073706817196046?s=21

German Armys are trying to come up with a plan to gain more attention for the topic at the moment, so we‘ll see how things turn out! Please support us if possible!

#bts #bts germany #army against racism

[paper-mirio]

Decrescendo

Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

Summary: When making hero costumes, the job of a support company is to maximize the efficiency of a quirk while also making sure the hero is protected. However, a massive oversight is made when nobody considers the consequences of constant exposure to loud explosives.

Words: 4,782

Warnings: mentions of blood, mentions of harmful accident, mentions of surgery, slight angst

A/N: I’d like to issue a major apology to @pawpaw-sev for taking a full year to write this. It’s finally here, and I hope you enjoy it. (I also peppered in hints of HOH!Midoriya, simply because I felt like it.)

"Tch, I get that you can't stand the old man, but at least give me a warning next time you pull some rebellious bullshit. You could've gotten us killed."

You took in a deep breath, willing down the words that threatened to spill out in anger. Not wanting to lash out at your boyfriend (since you knew that wouldn't result in anything pleasant), you steadied yourself and prepared to defend your actions for the third time that evening. The sight of Bakugou, focused on his phone and not even bothering to look at you when delivering the scathing comment, nearly made you snap. Having just sat through a lecture about holding responsibility and taking accountability for one's actions from a hero who seemed to do neither, you were reasonably on edge. Luckily, you'd managed to convince Endeavor you were being honest. You'd hoped your boyfriend would be just as willing to hear you out.

"It wasn't 'rebellious bullshit,'" you repeated, using air quotes. "I already told you, I didn't hear him give the order."

"Mhm, sure. Whatever you say."

It would seem he was not, in fact, willing to hear you out. You rolled your eyes. It wasn't as if his opinion mattered, anyway. He was only your boyfriend, the person you trusted with your heart.

"Let's just get back to campus, I need to go talk to Recovery Girl," you said before walking away. You'd only made it a few steps before being stopped by a hand on your shoulder. Bakugou stepped in front of you, eyebrows furrowed as he looked at you up and down.

"What do you need to see her for?" he asked, the bite in his voice from before missing. "I didn't see you get hurt earlier. What happened?"

You paused, confused by his question, before recognizing the look in his eyes as concern. Giving him a teasing smirk, you placed your hand atop the one that rested on your shoulder, giving it a small pat. "Aww, are you worried about me?" you laughed. "I'm fine, Endeavor just wants me to check in with her to make sure nothing's seriously wrong and that I can keep doing work-studies without any issue."

Bakugou raised an eyebrow. "How the hell does that answer my question?"

You let out a sigh. "My ears? I told you I didn't hear his instructions earlier. And like you said, I could've gotten us killed."

He narrowed his eyes at you before letting his hand fall from your shoulder. Turning on his heel, he began walking away. “Fine,” he grumbled, “but don't take too long. We had this movie night planned for weeks now, and we’re gonna start without you if you’re late.”

You let out an exaggerated gasp, placing your hand on your chest as you followed him. “Have you no loyalty, sir?” As you caught up to him, you made sure he saw you wipe a fake tear from your eye. “And here I thought I had a faithful boyfriend, but he would watch a movie without me?” Your attempt to hold in your laughter failed as Bakugou roughly shoved your shoulder. “And now he’s violent! Are there any lows you won't reach?”

Bakugou rolls his eyes, though you see a slight smirk forming on his lips. “Don't be late and we won't watch it without you, dumbass.”



You were late to the movie. Recovery Girl had apparently been off-campus, assisting with a surgery in Musutafu General Hospital. A third-year student interning under her was in her place at the infirmary. After taking you through a few examinations, she told you that you had some mild hearing loss, though it shouldn't impact your ability to continue your work-studies. Satisfied with this, you thanked her and returned to the dorm.

Despite trying to enter through the front door as silently as possible, you heard a shout of your name as soon as you stepped in. “There you are!” said Ashido, waving to you. “You only missed a few minutes, so hurry up and get over here! Bakugou saved you a seat.”

You laughed, closing the door behind you. “Alright, give me a second!” You quickly removed your shoes and ran over to the couch, ignoring Iida’s warning not to run. You dropped into the spot next to Bakugou, wasting no time before snuggling up into his side. He scoffed, but immediately wrapped an arm around you.

“Took you long enough,” he muttered. “I told you not to be late.”

“Oh? Weren't you the one who tried to get us to wait for them?” joked Kaminari. “What happened to the concerned boyfriend we saw just a few minutes ago?”

“Aww, you did?” you cooed. You leaned up and pressed a kiss onto his cheek, giggling at the blush that quickly formed. “Thanks for trying, Katsuki. Sorry I was late.”

Bakugou scowled, ignoring the teasing from your classmates after your display of affection. “Whatever, let's just watch the damn movie.”

You settled into your spot, a smile on your face as you directed your attention to the movie. After a few minutes, your smile began fading. You tried your best to follow the film, but at moments you just felt lost. It seemed the dialogue would reach your ears, but you couldn't quite make out what was said. Still, you could gather most of it, so you tried to bear with it for a bit longer. Eventually, however, you realized you weren't going to understand the plot if you couldn't hear everything. You let out a sigh, looking around the room. “Alright, who has the remote?”

The others looked to their surroundings, checking to see if it was near them. Bakugou raised an eyebrow, glancing at you. “Why do you need it?”

You gestured to your ears. “Can't quite understand it, so I was gonna turn on the captions.”

Bakugou nodded, before saying, “I can just raise the volume if you need me to. The captions are gonna take up a bunch of space on the screen.”

Mina shook her head at that, saying, “Uh, Aizawa-sensei said we needed to keep the volume down tonight. We already have it pretty high as is...”

Sero waved to catch your attention. “Wanna switch spots? You might be able to hear better closer to the TV.”

You frowned, shaking your head. “Ah, no, that's okay. Thank you, Sero.” You felt guilty about disrupting the movie this much already, and you didn't want to inconvenience anyone further. “I can just try and follow along as much as I can.”

“Found it!” exclaimed Kirishima. “It was beneath the couch cushions. I can turn on the captions for you if you want, (Y/N).”

You glanced around the room at everyone, shrugging to yourself. “If it won't bother anyone...”

Midoriya cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. “Could you turn them on, please? I kinda need them, too...” Kirishima smiles at you two before hitting a button on the remote. You all turned back to watch the movie as it continued, now with captions accompanying the dialogue.

Bakugou, on the other hand, was looking over at Midoriya, something resembling guilt in his gaze, before glancing back down at you. “Your hearing’s not that bad, is it?” he murmured.

You shook your head, leaning into his side with a smile. “Probably not,” you answered. “It's just been a long day, I think. Nothing to be worried about.”



Bakugou coughed, the smoke and dust from the debris clouding the air around him. After clearing his lungs, he looked at his surroundings. The remains of the building surrounded him, but he luckily avoided being crushed under any of them. The sound of his commlink turning on ripped his attention from his surroundings, as one of Endeavor’s sidekicks spoke up. “Suspect is detained. Ground Zero and (H/N) stunned him enough for us to capture him while he tried to escape. Status?” Each member of the team gave their location and status, and medical teams were dispatched to those who needed them. Bakugou gave his location and reported that he had no injuries. “And (H/N)?” asked Endeavor.

Silence. No response over the comms. At this, Bakugou startled, quickly looking around him only to see nobody within sight. “Ground Zero, they were with you, correct?” asked the sidekick. You were. You had been right there, fighting the villain at his side. After cornering the villain, he'd shouted at you to move before rushing the villain. He'd set off a large explosion in close range to the villain, stunned by your attack, and to you, who hadn't moved. That was the last he'd seen of you before the roof collapsed, and now you weren't responding.

“Ground Zero?” Endeavor called, bringing Bakugou back to the present. He cursed under his breath, quickly standing and beginning to search the area for any sight of you. He looked around the area, hoping you had managed to avoid the falling rubble—unlike how you failed to avoid his attack. Shaking his head, trying to dismiss the thought, he continued to look for you, now shouting your name and waiting for some kind of response. If you had been trapped under the debris, there was nothing he could do but wait for help to come.

Cursing again, he spoke into the comms, “I need a rescue team at the northern side of the building. I can't find (H/N), and they're not responding.” As the sidekick began to assure him that help would be arriving soon, he heard loud coughing nearby. Quickly rushing to the source of the noise, which was a few meters away from what was left of that side of the building, he found you. You were leaning against the wall of the adjacent building, hands on your knees and trying to catch your breath.

His relief at seeing you, alive and safe, was quickly overshadowed by anger. He'd thought you were seriously hurt or worse, because you failed to dodge when he told you to, and you couldn't even be bothered to answer anyone when you were within range to hear the multiple times he called out to you. With a scowl on his face, he stormed towards you and went to grab your shoulder. “(Y/N) what the fuck was that back there—“

The second his hand met your shoulder, his world flipped and he was on his back on the ground. You’d pinned him down, moving to restrain him before meeting his eyes. Your eyes widened, and you quickly released him. “Katsuki?” You stood, reaching out a hand to help him up. “Geez, give me a bit of a warning before you sneak up on me like that. I thought you might've been that villain.” You grinned. “Nice attack, by the way. Pretty powerful too; my ears are still kinda ringing from it. Did they detain him?”

Bakugou looked at your hand reaching out to him, confusion plastered on his face. Maybe your commlink had been broken in the attack, he reasoned. That would explain your lack of response to the team, but...

“Yeah, they got him,” Bakugou explained, taking your hand and standing. “Don't fucking scare me like that again though, you hear me? When you didn't answer I thought—“

“Uh, Katsuki?” you cut him off. “Could you speak up? Can’t quite hear you when you mumble like that.”

“I’m not fucking mumbling!” he shouted. At this, both his and your eyes widened in shock. Yours, because you saw him clearly yelling at you, yet no sound reached your ears but the constant ringing. His, because he saw the small amounts of blood coming from your ears.

“Shit,” you both said.



You arrived back to the dorms with Bakugou, hands intertwined. It hadn’t even been a day since the mission, after which you'd been taken to a hospital. You'd undergone surgery to repair your ruptured eardrums, but your hearing couldn't be salvaged. In less than a day you'd gone from mild hearing loss to complete deafness in one ear and very little hearing in the other. Endeavor had excused you from your work-studies for the time being, as you needed time to adjust to things.

You took in a deep breath and squeezed Bakugou’s hand lightly to grab his attention. He looked to you, squeezing back to let you know he was listening. “I’m just gonna head to my room and get some rest. It's been a long day. Do you want to come with?” you asked, trying to put on a smile.

He nodded, not saying anything. He leaned in to press a kiss to your forehead, causing a far less strained smile to appear on your face. You squeezed his hand again to ground yourself before opening the door to the dorm building.

Almost immediately you were met with the sight of your classmates, all rushing to greet you. Some looked excited to see you, while others had looks of concern on their faces. All of them, from what you could see, seemed to be shouting at the two of you, probably asking questions about what happened while you were gone. You saw Bakugou shout something at them before they all went silent, focus solely on you now. You flushed under the attention, curling in on yourself slightly before giving them a small wave. “Hello?” you tried, not quite sure how to address them.

You saw Kaminari ask something while pointing at his ears, so you nodded and hoped you'd guessed his question right. “I got surgery on my eardrums because they got ruptured during the mission,” you explained, pointing to the cotton padding you had in both ears. “I have to keep these in for the next few days, and hopefully the support company will deliver my new hearing aids by then.” As soon as you mentioned hearing aids the questions started again, with many lips moving at once adding to your confusion. “In case I wasn't clear,” you stated, raising your voice and hoping it would be louder than they were, “I can't hear you all right now.”

That, again, shut everyone else up. From his spot near the front of the crowd, Midoriya waved to get your attention. Once your eyes were on him, he began to sign, “Are you alright?”

You smiled at him, suddenly very grateful that Midoriya had decided to teach you JSL when the two of you were younger. You let go of Bakugou’s hand, missing the way he frowned and looked at you in response, before signing back, “I will be.”

Koda perked up upon seeing this exchange, quickly joining the conversation by asking, “You two know sign?” When the two of you nodded, he turned to you. “Everyone's been asking what happened on the mission. Last we heard, you got taken to a hospital. Bakugou wasn't answering anyone’s calls or texts.”

You sighed. Of course Bakugou wouldn't update anyone. You couldn't help but think bitterly that you might've been in bed by now if Bakugou had answered everyone’s questions beforehand, but you didn't dare voice this aloud. You knew he felt guilty enough as is. “There was an accident during the mission. Certain...circumstances during work-studies meant I was slowly losing my hearing over time, making it harder to hear my team.” Those circumstances being constantly working with Bakugou without any ear protection. Explaining it to someone made the situation feel much more real to you, and you found yourself taking deep breaths and fighting back the burning tears in your eyes as you continued. “I wasn't able to move in time to dodge an explosion, and the blast pretty much took whatever hearing I had left.” Midoriya flinched at this, turning his gaze to Bakugou and narrowing his eyes.

Seeing this, you let out a shaky sigh before speaking aloud. “If it's alright with you all, I’d like to head to bed now. I'm very tired. Midoriya, if you could repeat what I said to everyone I'd really appreciate it.” Then, without giving anyone a chance to respond, you grabbed Bakugou’s hand again and rushed out of the room, heading upstairs to your room. You weren't able to hear how you sounded back there, so you could only hope nobody heard the shakiness of your voice or saw the tears building in your eyes. The last thing you wanted was for them to try and comfort you when you just wanted to be alone with Bakugou.

As soon as the two of you entered your room and the door shut, you let the tears fall from your eyes and pulled Bakugou into a hug. He hugged you back without hesitation, pulling you close. The two of you found your way to your bed, where you laid together in deafening silence for the rest of the night.



“How does it sound?”

The first words you heard clearly in over a week were spoken by Aizawa-sensei, who was sitting in Recovery Girl’s infirmary and observing as you tried on your new hearing aids. The small devices were high quality and incredibly expensive, though the support company that provided your costume had them delivered to you for free. According to Recovery Girl, your hero insurance would've covered much of the cost anyway, but the company appeared to be trying to avoid a lawsuit for not providing your protective equipment in the first place. Regardless, you weren't complaining about getting your hearing back for free.

“It's quiet,” you answered, but a large grin quickly overtook your face. “But I can hear you!” You saw Aizawa-sensei nod in response, a small smile on his face.

Recovery Girl handed him a small device. She was standing more than a few feet away, so she sounded much quieter, but you could just barely hear her. “Use this when you're teaching in class. It will send your voice directly to their hearing aids, so they won't have to worry about falling behind in class.” She made her way over to you, her voice increasing in clarity the closer she got. “As for you, while you're still benched from going on any further missions, those hearing aids will double as comm links when necessary.” She held out her hand, in which she held several small devices. “These microphones are smaller versions of the one I just gave your teacher. They're meant to be given to your teammates working in close range to you, so you can hear them without using the commlink up to a certain distance.” After placing the microphones back in the box with your new support equipment, she gently grabbed your hand. “Things won't quite be the same as they once were, but I know you'll be able to adjust. You’re a strong hero, after all.”

“Hero-in-training,” Aizawa-sensei corrected. “Speaking of which, class will be starting shortly. Are they free to go?”

Recovery Girl nodded, waving her hand dismissively, “Yes, yes, they can go now.”

You beamed, quickly standing up before bowing to Recovery Girl. “Thank you!” You rushed out of the infirmary, running towards class before your homeroom teacher could stop you. You rushed towards the 2-A classroom, throwing open the door before shouting into the room, “They work!”

The screams and shouts that filled the room couldn't have sounded more beautiful to your ears.



It was the first movie night the two of you had since you lost your hearing, and Bakugou wanted it to be special. Through some gentle persuasion, according to him, he'd managed to convince Sero and Kaminari to let the two of you use the common room that night, even though the two of them had already planned to play Mario Kart that night. Though you couldn't quite hear the conversation they had, the looks on their faces told you that the persuasion he used probably wasn't as gentle as he suggested.

But that didn't matter anymore. What mattered to Bakugou was you, cuddled up to his side under the blanket, a smile on your face as you looked at the screen. He had one arm draped over your shoulder while you hugged his torso, and the other hand held the remote. He was scrolling through the streaming service, looking for something that appealed to both of you.

“What about that Peerless Thief movie? Looks like it's finally out, and I heard it got good reviews,” Bakugou suggested, pointing at the screen where the poster was displayed. You shuddered at the sight of the titular villain; despite knowing it was just an actor in costume, he captured the image of the infamous villain with terrifying accuracy.

“No thanks,” you muttered. “I'd like to actually get some sleep tonight, if that's fine with you.”

“Pfft, what? It's not that scary, it's practically a documentary!” Bakugou teases, glancing down at you. You had buried your face in his shoulder, not wanting to look at the poster any longer. “What, you think the Peerless Thief is gonna come get you?”

“I don't know, maybe! They never caught him! For all we know he could still be out there, being a menace under the radar!” you exclaimed, throwing one arm up in exasperation. “Just hearing about him in class is scary enough, I don't wanna see any of that!”

Bakugou rolled his eyes, reaching his hand up to ruffle your hair. “All the more reason to watch it, then,” he said. “If you're so worried about him being out there, you can study this and see how he works so we can take him down together.”

It was your turn to roll your eyes. “Right, because two heroes-in-training can take down one of the most infamous villains of all time,” you muttered. Something caught your eye on the screen, and you pointed at it. “What about that one? A Heart That’s Ours to Share? I remember reading that book back in junior high.”

Bakugou looked to where you were pointing and grimaced upon seeing the poster. “Really? A shitty romance? This is what you wanna watch?”

“I know, I know, it looks kinda silly,” you started. “But trust me, it's a lot better than it looks. It ends up being closer to an action-thriller as it goes on. The romance is there, but it's mostly used to drive the rest of the plot forward.”

Bakugou opened his mouth to argue again, but swiftly closed it. He had to remind himself that tonight was about you, and letting you relax. If you wanted to watch some stupid romance, who was he to stop you?

“Tch, whatever,” he grumbled before hitting play. “I'm choosing next time, though.”

You grinned before leaning up to press a peck to his lips. “Thank you, hon! I love you!”

He blushed, letting out a huff. “Yeah, yeah. I love you too, dumbass.” He set down the remote, using his now free hand to wrap around you. He pulled you into his lap, causing you to let out a surprised gasp. Arms now resting around your middle, he leaned back into the couch with you and watched the movie play on the screen.

You looked at the screen, an excited grin on your face. As the opening credits ended, however, your smile faded as faint sounds entered your ear. Once you realized it was the dialogue, a frown settled on your face. The TV was outside the optimal range of your hearing aids, and the words spoken by the characters were nearly unintelligible.

“Um, Katsuki?” you mumbled. Upon getting a hum of acknowledgment, you continued. “Could you turn on the captions, please? I can't hear what they're saying.”

Bakugou inhaled sharply, muttering a shit under his breath before quickly reaching for the remote, being careful not to jostle you in the process. As soon as it was in his hands, he turned the captions on and rewound the film to right before the dialogue started.

Now able to understand what was being said, the smile returned to your face. “Thanks, Katsuki!” You leaned your head back to press a kiss to Bakugou’s cheek. Giggling at the blush on his face, you turned back to the screen and leaned back into his chest, relaxing as you focused on the film.

As you watched the movie together, you frequently glanced back to Bakugou at the more exciting or shocking parts to see his reactions. Much to your dismay, each time you looked you saw a deep frown on his face as he stared ahead at the screen. You sighed each time in disappointment and turned back to watch the movie. Maybe he just doesn't like it, you eventually thought. I’ll make it up to him next time, though. The two of you continued to watch in silence before you began to notice something. At some points throughout the movie, Bakugou would randomly tighten his grip on you, pulling you closer to him, only to let you go once you started to shift in his grasp.

Curious, you began to take note of when this would happen. After about three more times of this happening, you noticed it would happen during the more intense, action-packed scenes. And about an hour into the movie, you realized it only happened when an explosion was involved.

Ah, you realized. That’s what this is about.

You quickly reached for the remote and paused the movie. You turned in Bakugou’s lap to face him, eyebrow raised. His eyes were still on the screen for a few seconds before blinking a few times. He shook his head and turned his gaze to you, eyebrows furrowed.

“What the hell? I was watching that,” he grumbled. Despite his annoyed tone, he moved his hands to rest on your hips and pull you closer.

“Mhm, sure,” you said. You paused before raising a hand to place on his cheek gently. Letting your thumb stroke his face, you made sure to look him in the eyes as you asked your next question. “Katsuki, you know I don't blame you for what happened, right?” you asked. You immediately knew you hit the nail on the head, as he averted his eyes and his grip on your hips loosened. You saw his lips move as he mumbled something, but the sound didn't reach you. You sighed and shook your head. “You know damn well I can’t hear whatever you just said. What was that?”

“I said, I can't see why you don’t blame me,” he repeated, loud enough for you to hear. “This wouldn't have happened if I'd just...I don't know, listened to you!”

You frowned. “You know...maybe you're right.” At his shocked look, you shrugged. “Maybe if you'd listened to me, we might not be in this situation. Or maybe it might've happened anyway.” You saw his eyebrows furrow, so you continued, “Maybe if the support company provided equipment to protect my ears, I might not have lost any hearing in the first place. Maybe if Endeavor didn't assign us together so often I wouldn't be exposed to your loud explosions so often. Maybe if I'd had the common sense to think that constantly being around explosions might damage my hearing, this could've been prevented. But that's a whole lot of maybes.” You smiled gently at him leaning your forehead against his. “There's probably a lot of ways things could have happened, but they didn't. I’m deaf now, and that's just something I have to deal with. The only thing we can do now is move forward.”

Bakugou looked at you in stunned silence, unable to do anything other than nod. You leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips, and he responded eagerly. Your hands gently cradled his face, while his remained on your hips. After pulling away, you pouted at the frown on his face. “Now, could you smile for me Katsuki?” At your request, an unamused look sat on his face. You giggled, before pressing a peck to his lips. “No need to be grumpy!” Another peck. “I won't stop bothering you until you smile!” Another. “I can do this all night, you know.”

He smirked at that, his grip on your hips tightening. “Who said I wanted you to stop?”

You laughed, pressing one more kiss to his lips before turning back around to your previous position on his lap. “Come on, we’re about to get to the best part of the movie. I’ll kiss you as much as you want when it's over, deal?”

Bakugou leaned his head onto your shoulder, pressing one last kiss to your cheek. “Deal.”

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