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elysianslove · 3 years

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jujutsu sorcerer!reader; haikyuu boys

requested by anon(s): haikyuu boys with a crush on a jujutsu sorcerer, and being saved by them

pairings; hinata shōyō x reader, kuroo tetsurō x reader, tsukishima kei x reader, kozume kenma x reader

genre; fluff

warnings; some mentions of death

hinata shōyō

to hinata, you probably stand out more than you’d think

idk why but i love love love the concept of hinata having like a completely opposite s/o kagehina. as in, i can see him so well with an alt!s/o or a goth!s/o. i can’t explain it it just works so well in my head

the fact that you were so mysterious and quiet really, and i mean really, peaked his interest. unlike literally any other character, he is nosy, and he wants to know why and how and when and who you are, so he does make effort to talk to you often

you always kinda just smile at him and give him one word replies. it’s not that you don’t like him, it’s more that you’re here for a reason and you don’t want him to get caught up in the middle of it all. you’d hate for something to happen to someone as pure as him

your attitude towards does not throw him off in the least. he’ll just want to get to know you even more

one of his upperclassmen, like tanaka or noya, probably notice and try telling him things about you to kinda back him off of you because they’re scared of you lowkey

ik i used this scenario before but it fits hinata too; we all know he stays late to practice often, so it isn’t a surprise or it isn’t too odd that he stays yet another day until the sun has long since set. you’d only known he was in the volleyball club in passing, but you didn’t know him well enough to anticipate that he’d be in the gym this late

the most remote place, and the closest too, that you could think of at literally nine pm was the boys’ gymnasium, so you’d led the curse there in hopes of driving it away from other people around it. you hadn’t expected that you’d be leading the curse straight to another target

hinata was the only one there, too, so it wouldn’t be too difficult to attack him

one moment, he’s just tossing the ball against the wall and receiving it, the next the gymnasium is being broken into by some creature from above, followed by you and your angry yells

you were really focused on the curse, prepared to battle it and exorcise it, before you finally spot him. he’s frozen, the ball dropped from his hand and rolling away from him. the way he’s staring at you, and the way he keeps eyeing the creature in fear, it clicks something in you, you don’t know what

but you don’t give the curse a chance to even try and attack, immediately charging at it and exorcising it quickly, defeating it right away. it dies away with an agonizing yell and you’re pretty sure this’ll count as trauma for the poor kid before he rushes towards you, grasping your wrists and staring at you like you just hung the moon in the sky

“what the hell was that that was so cool oh my god can you do it again can you teach me how to do it you are so badass —“

like baby breathe omg

even the way you laughed at him was intimidatingly hot he was a goner !!!

now that he knows of your nature, it attaches him to your hip. you can’t get rid of him anymore but it’s okay he’s literally sunshine in human form

as a duo, and as romantic partners, you really are complete opposites, but that’s why you fit so well together you know!

if you can conjure up something like the divine dogs like megumi, expect him to constantly pester you for them <3

kuroo tetsurō

listen, he knew you were a little odd from the moment you joined nekoma. like there was no doubt about it there was something off about you. he had some type of feeling that you weren’t really here for the education you know?

but the rational side of him convinced himself he wanted to live in some type of movie so he dropped it

he does try to get to know you, though, yeah, of course he had to fall for that one person that no one knows anything about

kuroo’s just trynna be the main character lmfao

with kuroo, he actually succeeds in growing closer to you. i mean who can resist him? no one

it starts off simple, he’d invite you to games, sit with you during lunch, before it escalates more into walking you home some days, inviting you over during weekend games, inviting you over at outings with his friends

more often than not, especially when said outings happened during nighttime, you’d decline. he didn’t really think much of it though, he just let you be, you know?

then, one time, you decide to go for it.

he invites you out to the movies with some of the vbc boys, and you accept. you figure you being gone for a few hours won’t hurt anyone, and it wasn’t like there aren’t any other jujutsu sorcerers available in tokyo. it’s a big city, you rationalize

halfway through the movie, something feels off, and as a sorcerer, you know to trust your gut instinct, so you excuse yourself to the bathroom to check the area out. kuroo, having felt like something wasn’t right with you, and being slightly worried himself, goes after you.

turns out you were right. two people had already died by the time you come to the alleyway behind the theatre, and there’s a curse hovering by their bodies. you’re slower to react because of the initial shock, and when you see kuroo coming out of the same backdoor you’d just left out of, your body entirely freezes

until the curse jumps to attack him, and in a flash, you’re by his side, kicking away at the curse, watching as it smashes roughly against a wall

kuroo’s immediately asking questions, but you can’t exactly focus on him at the moment. you prioritize eliminating and exorcising the curse first, and when that’s done and dusted, you lead kuroo away from the theatre

he’s very shaken by the whole scene, especially after having seen two corpses

that night, you lead him to your home, and he stays there. he keeps you up all night, but it’s understandable. throughout it all, you reassure him of his safety constantly, telling him that you’d never let anyone or anything ever hurt him

it’s what brings you two closer together

because that incident had been his introduction to that specific world, he grows very wary anytime you’re sent out on missions, but you always come back home to him, and that’s what matters <3

tsukishima kei

please tsukki with a crush is hilarious cause he’s so bad at expressing his feelings

you’re actually really similar to him in that you’re quiet and that you don’t really appreciate talking and conversing to others. you tend to keep to yourself, and he really respects that, like deep down

he thought you were just a really timid person until he snaps at you once and you snap back. and then it was like everything that has ever happened to him led to this moment right here because what the fucsjdhwf

the fact that he recognized his feelings for you kinda made him even warier of you. like his scowl is deeper and his bite is harsher, but that’s really only because he does not know how to deal with these emotions. like he has a bad way of expressing them correctly

you two build this small relationship between you. it’s like a teasing thing, where it’s literally just all bark and no bite. it’s lowkey fun, and you grow to appreciate his presence

he doesn’t really question it when you miss days of schools, or when you return the days after that all bandaged and bruised. he figures it’s not his business to ask questions like that, and just continues to observe you from afar

anyways! one night he’s walking home, all alone, peacefully, before he sees you dash by him, being chased by??? what the fuck is that???

tsukki just pauses, but he’s not even like scared or worried he’s just confused and a little amused tbh. he stands in place while his eyes follow your movements as you allow the creature to chase at you, before you make a sharp turn and hit it, sending it flying back

except, you hadn’t realized the direction you’d hit it at

the curse goes flying at tsukki, and he’s just staring at it like, “hm,” not moving an inch. he’s trynna give you an aneurysm on god

you scream at him to move, but you’re already rushing towards him. as soon as you can, you throw your arms around him and topple him to the ground. you land on top of him, but you don’t get to see his flustered face because you’re off of him way too soon, taking care of the issue at hand

he’s a little surprised at the reason you’re always cut up and bruised, but he can’t say he’s not even a little amazed at just,,, how cool you seem

he’s still on the ground lol and you hit him with “i hope you’re not waiting for me to pick you up.”

“it is your fault i’m on the ground to begin with.”

you help him up

with an eye roll of course

when he’s standing again before you, he just sighs and lifts a finger to his face, as if to indicate to your face. then he says, “that explains all this then,” referring to the bruises painting your skin

your relationship doesn’t change much for a while after that, except that knowing glance he gives you every time you walk into class exhausted

likes to call it monster hunting for some reason

clearly you’re the only one out of the two of you with any balls because you’re the one that confesses. thanks for saving him the trouble hehe

he’ll never tell you to your face, but he thinks he is incredibly lucky to have someone as badass as you as his s/o

kozume kenma

kenma probably took note of your exceptional situation for a few, but he didn’t give it much thought initially. like so what if you were super secretive? not like anyone knew much of him himself

it’s not until kuroo or someone points out like, “they’re quite odd, right?” that he starts to pay attention, but he’s not sure why

maybe he’s trying to convince himself and others that you’re not really odd for being the way that you are. just secretive and mysterious and introverted. like. does that make him odd?

he starts to notice things like you staying after school for late, late hours, but not because you’re a part of any club, and things like your missing of school, or how your knuckles are always, always bandaged and wrapped, or how you seemed to be at the oddest of locations at the oddest of times

it’s not really like him to be too interested in what you do, so he doesn’t invest all his thoughts and energy into. he does though dwell over it for a lot longer than you’d think

sometimes, kenma takes a console of his, and heads up his rooftop, because it just feels really safe where nobody and nothing can get to him

he’s proven wrong one night when, in the middle of the game, he hears thumps across the rooftop. he thinks he’s being tricked by the game he’s playing, until he feels something behind him, until the hairs on the nape of his neck stand and a shive runs down his spine because there is something breathing down his neck

and then he hears your all too familiar voice whispering out, “don’t move, please.”

it’s honestly not like he could

he sees you from the corner of his eye move in a flash, and suddenly, when the feeling is gone, he finds himself able to move again, and he turns around

it honestly looks like a scene from a movie, what he’s staring at. you battle the curse so well, and kenma is fully and shamelessly enamored by you and the way you moved so swiftly and efficiently, as you dodge and attack, and as you finally exorcise

like he’s so in awe he has to pinch himself to convince himself he’s not dreaming

when the curse is taken care of, you just slowly approach him, kneeling by his side and asking in a soft voice if he was okay. he decided then and there that no, you were not odd at all. you just saved his life, so,,,

you urge him to go back inside, to stay safe, and he just nods as you lead the way to his window. and when he slips inside, for some reason, he finds it in himself to ask you to stay too

to stay safe, of course

it takes you by surprise a little, but at the genuineness in his eyes, you accept, and stay up playing games with him

and when you greet him in school the next day with a smile and a wave, kenma returns it, just as brightly <3

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x jujutsu kaisen #hq x jjk #haikyuu crossover #jujutsu kaisen crossover #hq x jjk au #hinata x reader #hinata shoyo x reader #hinata headcanons #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo headcanons #kozume kenma x reader #kenma x reader #kenma headcanons #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima headcanons

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justaratswriting · 3 years

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Batfam and Mental Health

orOkay so I love Batman and all the things surrounding it. Like the idea of a random rich man who happens to be an orphan just suddenly adopting a ton of children is ridiculous, and thoroughly entertaining.

But I am also a big fan of psychology, and learning about the mind. So mental illness and related things are fascinating to me.

I notice that like strangely there is very little stuff about the batfam having mental illnesses or dealing with psychology or therapy. Don’t get me wrong there is still a lot addressing these things, but still with the things the family experiences you would think it would be a lot more prevalent in the writing about them, and especially fan fiction about them.

Like I think showing mental health through beloved characters would be really cool and could be a tool to destigmatize them. Like showing hero's with them would make really great representation, people could see them and think Oh I can still be a good person and helpful even if my mental disorder makes it hard and for things like depression or ADHD showing which misconceptions are harmful and don’t work.

I can also see this in the physical aspect, like I wish a hero would have something like chronic pain or one of the many invisible illnesses. To give representation and show how pushing through the pain can shut a person down for days.

The specific disorders I think would be really interesting of the top of my head is, depression, Anxiety, POTS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic pain, eating disorders, nerve damage, ADHD, Bipolar, OCD, Chronic fatigue, PTSD, c-PTSD, Autism, Elhers Danlos syndrome, And the one I really think would be interesting DID.

Like fore depression, showing how hard it is to get out of bed. Not showing constantly being sad but showing how it can be numbing. Acknowledging that in a disorder like this logic doesn’t always win even if you are the most logical person to live.

For anxiety showing how debilitating it can be. Looking into their minds to show the thought process, the mind fight itself and logic. Knowing their fears are unreasonable but not being able to shake the feeling. Show how for different people different things cause anxiety.

POTS or Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, (super simply put it is a circulation disorder where upon standing up blood rushes to extremities and can cause all sorts of problems like fainting, pain in your feet, Dizziness, poor temperature regulation, etc. Also I am assuming people know what depression and anxiety is.) would be fascinating to me. Like having a hero that is constantly sitting down or biting down and pushing through the pain even a hero that has to slowly stand up. So in the middle of a battle being shoved down having to slowly stand up or risk fainting or vision completely blacking out for a while. Showing a hero who has learned to fight with no sight because of that very thing.

Or Fibromyalgia (This one I am a little less educated about but from what I understand, it is a disorder characterized by muscle pain and tenderness usually with no known cause, so from what I understand it usually is diagnosed after a ton of other disorders are eliminated and the pain is still occurring, often also has affect on sleep and memory/mood.) Like showing a hero having a particularly hard patrol and having to take a couple days off and constantly going places or trying things to help with the pain.

Or Chronic pain ( from what I understand the main difference between Fibromyalgia and Chronic pain is chronic pain has to do with the nerves and Fibromyalgia has to do with muscles, also Fibromyalgia has other thins to go with it like energy levels and mental functions so memory/mood.) Like a hero having constant pain even if they didn’t have a big fight, maybe showing them icing, heating, or taking pain meds and the rest of the family or team being super confused as to why. Before they know showing them freak out and worry that they went on a mission without telling anyone. Showing how it is a constant battle, that sometimes treatments will work and other times, for seemingly no reason they won’t.

I would also like to see eating disorders portrayed by the bat family. Showing how it’s not always a conscious choice, sometimes it is more along the lines of choosing something else over eating. Showing how people can use it for control or to punish themselves. Letting there be a male example, reminding people that they can happen to anyone. Allowing people to have representation. Show a recovery, how it is not impossible for anyone but not down playing how hard it is. It is a true and hard fight, and show how it can sneak up on you and drag you back. Not just one easy recovery, that recovery is a choice. You have to want it but you also need help, it is a long hard process and accessibility is everything. Show a family member making them food, show them sometimes eating it and others not. Also don’t only show under eating show how people can’t stop themselves from eating. Having cabinets locked to keep people out, for their own safety.

Or nerve damage, showing how years of their work and fighting can really mess someone up. Show someone suddenly losing all feeling or sensation in certain parts of their body or constant pain or even pinched nerves. Show how confusing it can be to not know what you are feeling. Show how weird it can be when you realize you are fine or that nothing is touching you or taking it in the opposite direction and not realizing you are hurt or someone is trying to be your attention. I would also love to see the batfam explain any of these injuries to the hero community or to the public. Maybe show the hero community really starting to look into mental and general health services.

ADHD or also ADD, showing how people can use it but also showing how hard it can be to control and fight. How much it can impede focusing and show situations it can put people in. Show a hero forgetting a huge part of their plan and falling but because of some random information from a hyper focus they still save the day.

Bipolar, showing the wild swings and how confusing it can be. Feeling like a different person, struggling with identity and their own decisions. Show them accidently pushing people away but also how hard they work to maintain family and friends that despite how unpredictable they can be their friends still stick around. Or if their friends can’t handle it show them peacefully and respectfully stepping out of their life. Show how hard that can be to except but that the future can end up better than you could ever hope.

OCD is really one I wish we saw in the hero's. Show their routines and things they do. Show the thought process, like if I don’t properly put the dishes away in fourteen seconds the joker will escape arkham. Show how terrifying the thoughts can be, but show how detail oriented it can make people and the beautiful art and amazing work that they can do. Show a person putting them selves at risk to comply with their routine. Like ignoring injuries to write a report. Show them and family or friends working to change the routine. Show how hard it is the moments they want to turn back and continue and how much they want to stop but show them not giving up and making the differences they want. Show them accomplishing things, show their compulsions actually keeping them safe.

Or even chronic fatigue, Show the fight each morning. Them saving energy, the disconnect between how exhausted you are mentally vs. physically. Show a hero that 50% of the time physically is too exhausted to be in the field so they offer technical support. Show a hero crashing, suddenly just not having enough energy to finish patrol or even get home. So someone has to come pick them up. Show them getting stuck in a fight and how hard it can be to do anything much less a fight.

Let the characters have PTSD or c-PTSD, show flashbacks and being stuck in your head. All of the bat family has lived through horrors please show it affecting them. Show how they get help how they work through it show what can happen and how bad it can get if it is unaddressed.

Show them having autism and how it is just a different way of life that there is nothing inherently wrong with it and how the ignorance that surrounds it and similar disorders can hurt and affect people. Show how it can be simple things that can show it or affect it. Try and look at it from their perspective and what things happen that should not just because they way someone is.

Elhers Danlos syndrome, show the pain, the misdiagnosis, the process, the fight. Show how disabilities like this and several others including ones I have mentioned can cause a person to need medical equipment such as wheelchairs and braces. Show how not everyone using a wheelchair can’t walk. Show how limiting it can be and the precautions you have to take but don’t make everything about how hard it can be. Show how using a Wheelchair while not ideal can open up so many opportunities. Show them actually being able to go on family vacations and amusement parks because they have a wheelchair. Show how important it is to have ramps and accommodations for similar things so people can participate and so people can actually go places they want. Always show how hard people with disabilities and such work. Show them trying to get treatment and trying new treatments show how it isn’t as simple as getting a knee brace or two.

And finally coming to one that absolutely fascinates me, DID or Dissociative Identity Disorder formerly known as multiple personality disorder. But don’t do this one completely uneducated, it is already a very stigmatized disorder. Show how Alters communicate. Show how they all work together and that they were made so the body and mind could survive. Make full characters just put them in one body. Show the confusion once they find out, show them slowly realizing and learning signs and what happened to them. Show each of the Alters having different friends and maybe understanding and knowing the family different. Show the different reasons and setups systems can have. Show system responsibility and each Alter working on themselves and to make a life for the system. Show the roles Alters will take. Show the horrible process of fragmenting and what things can cause it but also show healing and people supporting and accepting systems.

Overall showing good parts of all the struggles people can have but not ignoring how hard they can be or glorifying them to people who don’t understand. Showing misconceptions and how support can affect these disorders. And most important in my mind, giving hope and a future to look forward to for the people with these disorders.

#batman #chronic illness #mental health #batfam headcanons #batboys #bat bois #batfam

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amelialincoln · 3 years

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the baby is dropping and is hard for Amelia to sleep, sit, walk, gets tired easily.

Good Days

Link knew that it was in his best interest to pay attention to what Bailey was telling him. She was going on about Richard’s recovery and how he should be monitoring him more closely. Link wasn’t about to tell his boss that her best friend was the least of his concerns right now.

He had about ten far more critical patients and had no issue with leaving Webber to be taken care of by perfectly capable residents. Bailey, of course, thought differently. On top of Link’s ten emergent patients, what was really distracting Link was the view he had of Amelia out of the corner of his eye. She’d been due last week and as Carina had told them many times, first babies usually come early. But this wasn’t Amelia’s first baby and despite him telling her that being honest with her doctor, which she obviously knew, was extremely important, Amelia had decided against it. Though judging by how the baby had recently dropped into a birthing position, her due date seemed to be quickly approaching and Amelia was, and this is a nice way to put it, miserable. She was not able to find comfort in any position but most of all her back had been killing her from carrying the weight of her rather large bump. Amelia had stated that carrying Link’s massive baby in her five foot frame was nearly impossible. Carina had almost scoffed at their child’s rather impressive margins. Amelia was positive that if this baby stretched her any further, she wouldn’t be able to balance on her own two feet. Link watched her sympathetically as Amelia waddled very slowly over to the nurses station, placed her Ipad down, and rested her head on the counter.

“Dr. Lincoln, are you listening to me?” Bailey snapped. Link glanced down to find her fuming. If there was anything the chief of surgery didn’t enjoy, it was being ignored. She followed his fleeting gaze and finally noticed that the concern in his eyes was not directed at Richard but at his girlfriend. On a normal day this would infuriate her but instead she felt herself sympathize. It seemed as though every doctor at the hospital was trying to get Amelia to take the rest of her pregnancy off. Amelia would engage their requests for about a day before returning to surgery, complaining that she was more uncomfortable at home with nothing to do rather than when she was distracted at work. And while the neurosurgeon was usually outgoing and talkative, she’d become quiet and exhausted. “Oh for god sake. That woman is going to give birth while removing a gliosarcoma.”

“Wouldn’t put it past her,” Link grumbled, excusing himself from his and Bailey’s conversation. His girlfriend didn’t notice him until he placed a soothing hand on her lower back, pressing deeply into a pressure point. She winced in response, stifling a groan.

“How was surgery?” He had given up trying to get Amelia not to operate. She glanced up at him, appearing to be half asleep.

“It was fine. Spinal surgeries can be kind of difficult with my…” she glanced around, she’d been adamant about not letting her pregnancy affect her work, “condition. I’m having trouble leaning over the surgical table.” Her voice was hushed.

“Well what’s that telling you?” A smile played on his lips.

“I operated with my last pregnancy up until I gave birth, it was never an issue.” Link couldn’t bring himself to remind her that her last baby wasn’t constantly moving around and kicking her in the bladder.

“And how are your feet?”

“Sore. Obese people deserve more credit.”

“You’re not obese,” he sighed, tired of this specific topic of conversation. She rolled her eyes, seeming to not have the energy for an argument. Instead she took his hand softly and placed it on the underside of her bump. Link felt the baby roll lazily inside her. He’d stopped kicking about a week ago and now his movements had become more constricted, as if he were running out of room.

“Your son is ready to come out.” She glanced up at him tiredly before grabbing her Ipad. Link watched herself become immersed in her work as she flipped through the updates of her patients. At first he hadn’t understood why Amelia had been so insistent on staying at work when it seemed like it only brought her more fatigue. He finally noticed that Amelia barely ever looked tired while she was deep in thought. He refrained from trying to lessen her workload after that.

“Are you nervous?” It was something he’d been wondering about for a while.

“About birth?” She asked him, looking up at him with a puzzled expression.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I guess being a guy we don’t really think about it. I mean I’m obviously not excited to see you in pain but it's never really crossed my mind about how daunting it must be for you.”

“Well it’s less of an unknown now.” She quieted her voice. “I know what to expect this time. I am nervous but...this time it’s not for nothing.” Her eyes fell to the floor and her hand moved to sooth her bump affectionately. “I know that sounds awful. I just think that being able to focus on holding our healthy baby in my arms at the end of it all will make it a lot easier.”

“That makes sense.” Was all Link could think of to say. He wrung his hands, wishing he could’ve been there for her. With all she’d been through sometimes it seemed as if she had lived a completely other lifetime. Link always had trouble trying to piece together the L.A. timeline. Amelia would laugh and say that Addison would tell him everything when she came for the birth. She would regretfully add that, at times, she was too high to make sense of it either. Link personally thought that it was in Addison’s best interest to be here now considering that Amelia seemed like she was going to pop. But Addison had been wrapping up the ends of a case and told her ‘sister’ (what Amelia referred to her as) that she would be there as soon as possible. Cutting it a bit close in Link’s opinion.

“You’re going to love Addison.” It was as if she’d read his mind. “You don’t have much to live up to in terms of boyfriends.” She bit back a grin as he straightened up proudly. “And she’s used to my accidental pregnancies by now.”

“How many have there been?” Link stared at her in shock.

“Only two,” she assured him, chuckling at his response. “And a rather unfortunate scare in high school.”

“And to think you pride yourself in educating others about birth control.” He thought back to the night at the conference when Amelia insisted he wore a condom, despite her being on the pill.

“I am extremely careful.”

“And look where that got us.” They both glanced at Amelia’s swollen abdomen.

“It appears you may be right about that.” They both couldn’t help but burst out laughing, receiving a couple of distasteful looks their way from nurses, who were obviously eavesdropping on their conversation. The entire situation only made the surgeons laugh harder, imagining the gossip behind Amelia’s accidental pregnancy. They were doctors, you’d think the couple could manage to enjoy worry free sex. As she was laughing Amelia couldn’t help but glance up at the man she’d begun to adore, to love, she found herself realizing. If someone had told her where her and Link’s relationship would have led nine months ago she wouldn’t have believed them and she found herself feeling incredibly grateful. For the first time in her life, she realized she had nothing to run from anymore.

#amelink #amelia shepherd #amelink fanfiction #amelinkfanfic #amelink fanfic #greysanatomy #greys fanfiction #greys anatomy #Atticus Lincoln #atticus link #atticuslincoln

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erazonpo3 · 4 years

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Thinking a little bit about Best Girl Nuru and the way she’s often given the role of the Voice of Reason, aka the one with the brain cell, and I’ve spoken a bit about this with @bestworstcase where uh, we gotta remember that taking the only girl of the group, who is the second youngest, and making her the Mature one raises a lot of red flags. (The fact that she is Black is also something that should not be ignored because young Black girls are often treated as though they are older than they are, but rather than a white woman telling you this you can learn more about that through this article with links to said study).

There’s simultaneously a lot and yet very little that can be inferred about her character given the small amount of original notes she has, and I could go for a more specific reading based on her circumstances but ultimately I’m gonna go for a more broad take of Responsible Characters And You: How to give them flaws that make them feel more like a real person rather than just The Straight Man.

This is hardly an exhaustive list but I went with the biggest five points I could think of in order to expand on them, but the list can go on and grow more specific.

Being the ‘Mom Friend’ at your own expense

This one is probably the biggest one I associate with Nuru, and I think it’d hit particularly hard given her specific situation of being the only girl in the group and also the second-youngest. Let me tell you, straight from personal experience: being the Voice of Reason to a group of teenage boys is like trying to tell a wall to sprout legs and walk around. It’s not gonna happen and you’re just going to tire yourself out. My friends were smart, lovely people but I needed to learn that it wasn’t my job to protect them from themselves.

It’s normal for a friend group to have ‘the one with the brain cell’ or ‘the mom friend’, but that friend group shouldn’t rely on that person to be their only source of support, or expect them to constantly monitor their decisions. It’s unhealthy for all people involved. You need to be willing to let people make their own mistakes, and not hold it against them when they don’t take your advice. You need to see your friends as independent people who understand their own decisions, and although it can be tricky to balance being supportive while also not encouraging bad decisions, it’s important to figure out.

The Mom Friend is also often someone who habitually offers emotional support and advice, but keeps their own issues bottled up. They could have more healthy outlets for their personal issues, like a therapist, but this kind of stereotype usually pops up in people who prefer to deal with other people’s problems in order to avoid dealing with their own. Either way, it’s important for this kind of emotional support to be a two-way street, and for friends to recognise that they shouldn’t be relying on just one person for all their help.

Healthy friend groups can navigate this by ensuring everyone can share what they’re struggling with, and by having everyone able to provide some amount of support, whether it’s advice or condolences or just listening; this way it doesn’t fall on just one person to be the therapist or the mom.

‘Intellectually’ mature but Emotionally immature

So, let’s be straight up: ‘responsible’ kids are usually just kids who respect the authority figures/institutions in their lives, either because they thrive in academic environments or because they have a lot of anxiety about upsetting those figures (or any other reason), but it doesn’t actually say much about their maturity as a person. It’s very easy for a smart kid to fall into the idea that they’re responsible and mature because the adults around them trust them not to cause trouble, but at the same time they can be very behind peers their age in terms of emotional development.

I’m doing a lot of generalising here to spare us a larger essay about the faults of the education system for both gifted and forgotten ‘troublemaking’ kids, but the idea is that your responsible kid might feel as thought they’re the pinnacle of maturity compared to some of their peers, while at the same time do things like hold petty grudges, give their friends ultimatums, make decisions out of spite and have a general lack of consideration for people they might otherwise care about. These are flaws anyone can have, but it’s a very good way to show that being the smart, responsible kid does not mean you have emotional maturity.

Circling back to our example character Nuru, we could take her suspicion over Hugo as something she believes is insightful and cynical (mature), but the others see as a grudge and an inability to trust others’ judgement.

Straight up Immature

Yeah, they’re mature for their age. But that doesn’t mean they’re not still young and inexperienced. Maybe they do have more emotional intelligence and social skills than their peers, but that doesn’t automatically spare them from being gullible, making uninformed decisions, and much worse: being preyed on by people who would take advantage of them.

That last one’s a pretty dark path to take and you’ve got to be ready to deal with that issue from top to bottom if you’re going to go that route, but otherwise the message behind this one is simple: Kids are Kids and they can enjoy juvenile things, where the novelty hasn’t worn off yet, and they can make mistakes simply because they haven’t ever made that mistake before in order to learn from it.

If your character is under 18, or even if they’re over, they’re allowed to be uninformed and say or do things that hurt others because they don’t understand the implications, and they’re allowed to be a little obnoxious or uncritical of what’s going on around them. Kids be kids.

Obsession and an inability to see the bigger picture

Following the earlier example, ‘reasonable’ characters are probably people who rely a lot on logical thought processes to make certain decisions. (Note that Logical =/= Correct or even Sensible, it just needs to abide by whatever the person’s internal rulebook is). That kind of mindset can lead people down rabbitholes and lead to conclusions that only they see, because they’ve jumped through so many mental hoops to reach their destination that nobody else can see how they might have arrived there.

The expression here is “Can’t see the forest through the trees”, where a person misses the bigger picture of the situation because they’re so deep in the details they can’t see what’s going on. You see it a lot with puzzles that are fairly straightforward that people try to overthink and search for clues because ‘it can’t be that obvious’ when it really is. Thinking twice about something isn’t bad, but sometimes a first impression is the right one too.

I can definitely see this applying to Nuru, star-chart master, and particularly in conflict with Yong- she has a great eye for detail that often comes in handy! But sometimes keeping your eye on a single star will blind you to their constellations. (Also for a more advanced reading, as a Princess Nuru might be less likely to see institutional problems compared to someone like Hugo).

Selfish and Privileged perspectives

Keep in mind that prioritising yourself and your own health doesn’t make you a bad person, and being selfish doesn’t mean you lack empathy- it’s just a character flaw that means you have to actively think about other people and how your actions/inaction might affect them. A lot of people, especially ones who are raised in privileged positions, aren’t used to factoring in other people when it comes to making decisions. It comes down to “how will X thing affect me?” and they go from there, without thinking about how X affects others.

This can be paired with socio-economic privilege, in which people who enjoy the benefits of a particular social system don’t pay much attention to how it fails others, or perhaps they know and make excuses that relieve them of any guilt (or maybe they don’t really care at all, so long as they’re winning). The remedy to this is education, and learning from the people who are disadvantaged the way in which certain social systems fail them and ways in which they can be improved. It also means committing to those improvements, even if they may come at your expense.

In regards to Nuru being a Princess, there’s definitely a lot to unpack. I imagine her kingdom isn’t very wealthy (relatively- they’re far from destitute), given that it spends all its money on rebuilding infrastructure and apparently doesn’t have the resources to send a bodyguard or even a LIW along with Nuru on her journey. Nonetheless I think her position of privilege is a good place to start if you want to give her some sweet flaws

a few more ideas I won’t expand much on

Jealousy (ties in with Emotional Immaturity)

Overly Risk-Averse (The man who sleeps with a hatchet is a fool every night but one, but his friends still think he’s a fool most nights. Ouch.)

Insecurity (Do they have doubts? Of course they do.)

Overly Emotional (Not always a flaw, but can impact their judgement)

Just straight up bad with emotions (Maybe they have trouble empathising with others?)

#era soapboxes #though this is less soapboxing more just: let sixteen year olds be dumb i guess #also not that i think anyone is doing this maliciously disclaimer #i mostly just want to write it down that a character that thinks they're responsible and mature rarely is 100%#princess nuru

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multisugars · 4 years

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𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 — having a famous girlfriend (possible au??)

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 — How would the gang react if their girlfriend became world famous or something? Like they had to constantly go on tours/etc

this is such a fun request! i’m sorry it took so long i just had no idea how to go about writing this since it’s such a specific request :) but i think i got the hang of it...i tried to make it sound as realistic as possible...hope you like it!! xx

𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙮

a music producer heard you signing outside a local shop and you signed with him on the spot, the rest is history....you started your tour about a year later with a full album already competed and a band that was joining along side you. darry was so supportive and agreed to go with you as long as the boys were in responsible company which you made they sure were. he can be a bit overprotective at times, when you arrive to big venues you’re always a little nervous to see all the fans anxiously waiting for your arrival. you would have never imagined you’d make it this big, darry always believed in you but i think it was also something that he also has to get use to.

“we’re here! chicago illionios!” your manager announced from the front of your giant tour bus.

“you good?” darry asks snapping you back to reality.

“yeah of course!” you nod cheerfully. “just nervous.”

“you’re going to be amazin’ it’s just like singing at home,” he reassures.

“no it’s not!” you laugh. “this is a sold out show.”

“okay well it’s just like home plus about a thousand extra people watchin.”

“darry!”

𝙨𝙤𝙙𝙖𝙥𝙤𝙥

he’s your biggest fanboy in the world. every step of the way sodapop has been by your side. from when you first started singing at your school choir to now. before your shows he even goes around passing out merch to everyone but steals some for himself when no one is looking, even though you told him he can have whatever he wants without any charge. he loves to watch your performances from either back stage or right in the front row. if he can choose he’d rather be front and center so he can have a perfect view. at times you see him getting jealous in the crowd when other men cheer for you, but he’s always is waiting for you after so he can tell you how amazing you did.

“you were so good!” he gushes pulling you into a warm hug. “i could barely take my eyes off ya!”

“thank you soda,” you hug him back “for everything, for being here.”

“you know i wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else,” soda looks down at you placing a soft kiss on your cheek.

𝙥𝙤𝙣𝙮𝙗𝙤𝙮

he so badly wants to go with you but you encourage him to stay back and finish school, you graduated high school early so this wasn’t a huge problem for you and you know how much education means to ponyboy. the months spent apart are difficult but you have a pretty solid relationship and a few months of being apart won’t do any harm to your personal life. he calls you every morning and right before you go to bed. sometimes even before you go on stage to perform. he wishes he could be there to support you fully but he knows you’re amazing and can handle anything they throw at you.

“i can’t wait to watch your show,” pony says over the phone.

“i hope you like it. i added your favorite song to the lineup tonight!” you exclaim.

“anything you do i love,” he laughs. “you outta know that by now.”

“i do, really,” you pause for a moment when the stage crew gives you the five minute signal. “hey i have to go it’s almost time, but i love you so much.”

“i love you more.”

𝙙𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙨

honesty he hates you being on long tours he thinks you’re being worked to hard by you management. when you have a day off after long hours of rehearsals dallas never lets you go anywhere without him, he’s worried that the fans will mob you, which has happened before and really terrified you. it’s not that you believe they would hurt you but the pushing and shoving and the cameras being shoved in your personal space makes you anxious. sometimes he can get insecure about how many male fans you have. he’s afraid you’re going to get bored with him. which makes him push to be around you more.

“dallas no you’re not joining my security team,” you cross your arms.

“hear me out babe, what if some guy thinks he has the right to touch you just because you’re famous...”

“i have a fantastic team already dal. i’m protected.”

“okay, okay,” he throws hiss hands up in defeat. “but i’m still comin..”

𝙟𝙤𝙝𝙣𝙣𝙮

when you first told johnny about the tour he asked you first about tagging along. you didn’t even have to try to convince him. he was extremely excited for you and incredibly supportive, like always. at times he’d worry though. when he saw you collapsing of exhaustion at night he always made sure you were okay and he also doesn’t let anyone boss you around to much. late at night when ya’ll can't fall asleep you work on your music, escaping to the roof of whatever hotel you are at in that moment. singing to johnny, he’s the only person you sing to when you’re working on a new songs. he makes you feel comfortable, but when you ask for feedback it’s not much help because he thinks everything you sing is gorgeous and should be shared with the world.

“you could be singin’ scrips from the Bible and i’d still think it sounded beautiful,” he tells while looking up to the stars.

“soooo...that’s a yes on the song then?” you joke.

johnny laughs, turning to face you. “absolutely.”

𝙩𝙬𝙤-𝙗𝙞𝙩

two-bit shows his support for you but in a endearingly embarrassing kind of way, sometimes making you want to curl up into a ball or wear a ridiculous disguise while in the public eye. he loves to wear shirts with your face on them all day. you had personally designed them for the tour and your fans. when you are back home he can’t help but brag to everyone he meets that you’re his and no one else stands a chance. which you think is kind of sweet, until he gets too aggressive about it. this makes him want to take it a step further, every night before a show he begs you to let him join a song with you on stage. which is something you’ve never done.

“cmon please i know every single one!” he says proudly.

“and that's great! but don't you think the fans would be too overwhelmed? “you question trying to get him to back out without sounding mean. “and i definitely would hate to see any girls trying to make a pass at you once they see how amazing you are.”

two-bit nods agreeing. “you're right. i’m way to pretty for tv..”

you slap his arm before walking away.

𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙫𝙚

sadly steve doesn’t go with you on tour, because he’s committed to his job. even though its not the most high paying he still thinks of it as home, that's a decsion you have to respect. this doesn't stop him though from watching all your performances at home and he always makes sure to call you after. he shows his support in many ways. but the most extreme thing he’s done is asking his boss if he can play your tracks at work, which he has to agree to when steve has asked him every single day since you left. when customers come in he tells everyone how talented you are and threatens them until they agree to stream your music. you did not approve of this.

“you hear the girl singin’ on the stereo?” soda asks while helping a customer get his gas.

“uh yeah, what about her?” the man gives soda an intriguing look.

“that's my girlfriend y/n y/l/n she's a famous singer. you better go and buy her album after this for i’ll ban you from ever comin’ to this gas station again,” he warns.

“what?! that's absurd you can't do that!”

“watch me!” soda lunges at the man before he jumps into his car driving away.

as steve makes his way back into the store he smiles to himself.

“really hope that worked...”

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josuemfkf033 · 4 years

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Enough Already! 15 Things About Guard Company in Los Angeles We’re Tired of Hearing

Communication is an ability that you can just ever before enhance yet never master. There's no ceiling to exactly how good at interaction you can come to be and also the only limiter is yourself. You can interact very well in one language or another as well as you'll never ever be the excellent wordsmith that every person understands the first time, specifically every time. Interaction isn't that straightforward or that easy. It's essential that every person acknowledges through that it is an ability that you can educate as well as it's one that you need to commit yourself too in order to succeed as well as make it in this world. There's just no alternative and also all the ability worldwide can matter not when faced with inadequate interaction. If you're functioning for a protection guard company Los Angeles, just how do you require to boost your interaction?™There is a great deal of reading to be had on the subject as enhancing interaction is something that we as individuals have been striving for considering that we first found out to speak. It's something we constantly are improving in also if we don't proactively comprehend that. Like the remainder of your body there's a range of various muscles though and also working out one might leave the various other weak if you do not pay attention to it.

It's extremely crucial though that you function on looking at yourself as well as reviewing your own interaction abilities and see where you need enhancement so that you can function on that muscle in specific rather than constantly doing cardio to obtain bigger arms. There is no means around this as well as the only way to recognize what you require to improve on is self-reflection or ...

Sometimes in some cases can work with someone a person help aid improve enhance areas locations communication. Occasionally the voice of somebody else can aid you see where you're battling and can assist you locate a way to work on it as well as inevitably enhance.

The first secret to enhancing after you've found the locations that you require to deal with is deceptively easy. You have to deal with developing a proper strategy for cultivating renovation. Similar to anything else, you require a program as well as a plan or it's going to go stale. IF you're mosting likely to come to be faster you need to do workouts that concentrate on obtaining much faster. The exact same principle relates to your interaction abilities. You need to have a method routine that helps you as well as will assist improve the areas you wish to enhance.

So just how exactly would you start to enhance? The first way that you can boost is to exercise and practice with function. You can run over a scenario and situations in your head. Envision yourself in the situation to ensure that you recognize how you might react currently. This is an usual trick that we see professional athletes and other individuals utilize. It's called visualization as well as it actually can help you boost your communication ability and many other jobs.

When you're paying attention don't pay attention passively. You require to take in every word that's said and every little bit regarding the method that's said. When an effective communicator is talking every word they say is said with function and also it has actually an extremely specified reason for being there.

To contribute to listening. When you're simply speaking with someone make certain to listen as well as try to comprehend. This is a characteristic of every great communicator because interaction is not a one-way street. You are not the one interacting alone. There are others. Also if you're just writing you're not alone. There's always at least 2 people associated with all communication. There's you and after that there's the various other person. You definitely can not only focus internal when you're talking or attempting to ensure that you're the one that's heard. If you're just waiting on your opportunity to speak then you're not in fact listening. You're just waiting to talk as well as usually what you need to state at that point entirely disregards what the various other individual needed to say because you weren't listening. There is nothing that will certainly eliminate communication faster than your very own inability to listen. Ensure you pay attention and also listen well. You might be surprised by what people are stating.

You likewise need to identify that what you're stating is not constantly one of the most vital aspect of your speaking. There are multiple layers entering into play here and the real words you're stating are only a tiny component of that puzzle. There's also the matter of your body language and tone. If you don't control these and you aren't knowledgeable about what you're saying then you can feel confident that you're missing out on 2/3ds of the discussion.

All of these are effective devices when it comes to enhancing your very own communication and also assisting you advance. If you're looking to begin a job where interaction is vital then security might be your location.

My workdesk work does not have any strenuous physical requirements in order to keep doing it. The only point I have to do is show up as well as do the job. Literally it's about as difficult as enjoying paint dry. I have however had those jobs where you're physically exhausted by the end of it due to the fact that you're functioning yourself to fatality physically each and every single day. If you were going to work for a security guard firm, Los Angeles where on the scale does that loss in between seeing paint dry just have to awake, to I'm going to pass away and every day is a new horror and I'm living out the final days of Sisyphus level of challenge?

The response to that might stun you as well as I intend to be coy regarding it for a minimum of half of this short article, directs. Why might you require some level of fitness in order to be a security personnel? Well, it's not a battling Need a history in MMA sort of job however there are a few physical demands. You might not be fighting as well as when you do it basic means every little thing has gone badly wrong yet you will certainly need to be on your feet the majority of the day walking. If you can't do this after that possibly you're not quite suitable that task but that's barely an unique demand.

Other than getting on you feet for most of the day there are a few other requirements that you have to meet in order to take up a placement as a guard. These are fundamental things like having the ability to raise 50lbs. These are all fundamental things that any warehouse employee would certainly additionally have to be capable of since Security Services in Los Angeles it's simply general physical fitness.

In spite of the normally lax demands that can be fulfilled by a lot of functioning people, there is a generalized assumption of physical health and fitness. I'm done beating around the shrub so currently I'm going to come out as well as just state it.

That being said you shouldn't be incapable to stroll up a trip of stairways and also if you appear like that's going to be a struggle for you after that the probabilities aren't good that you will be able to locate a company that will certainly hire you, also if you are good at your job since impressions are genuine.

It's essential to remember that while not enforced it's vital that you attempt to construct as well as keep your physical fitness, not simply for the benefit of the job but it will certainly have profound influences on your personal life. If you're looking for work from a protection guard business Los Angeles your physical health and fitness is important yet not imposed on you.

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iwbfinterviews · 4 years

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Jake Brown Interview

When did you first realize you wanted to be a writer? Is there a particular reason you chose to write about music, singers, etc?

I didn’t actually, lol. I’m a songwriter/producer first, I grew up playing and writing music but always wrote as a way to kind of get through school because I was terrible at math, sciences, tests, etc. I think there’s alot of people in the music business who started out like that. It kind of happened accidentally, I was working for a record label right out of college and started writing copy for their catalog titles, press releases, etc and it just expanded from there. I met a literary agent through that who suggested I try to write a book, and we sold the Suge Knight memoir to Amber Books, who gave me my start. Another big early foot in the door moment was when I had the opportunity to write books with Ann and Nancy Wilson & Heart in 2007 and in 2009 with Lemmy Kilmister and Motorhead. Then the book nearly 10 years into my career that really kind of made me appreciate this career was the opportunity to work with legendary guitar player Joe Satriani on Strange Beautiful Music: A Musical Memoir. I’d also started specializing in anthology-style books that feature LOTS of exclusive interviews in one book in chapter profiles so you could tell a bunch of people’s live stories at once, including the BEHIND THE BOARDS series, which began 10 years ago as a Rock & Roll producers’ series, the aforementioned In the Studio series with Heart, Motorhead, and others, and then finally about 10 years into living in Nashville I began working on the NASHVILLE SONGWRITER book series and most recently the BEHIND THE BOARDS: NASHVILLE book. SO: the long answer to that question is, because I love telling the behind-the-scenes stories of both the hits and those who make them, be it songwriters or producers or drummers in the case of the BEYOND THE BEATS rock drummers series, or Hip Hop producers with the DOCTORS OF RHYTHM audiobook and upcoming physical version in 2021. I’ve also been fortunate to write memoirs with some interesting characters like Kenny Aronoff, country rapper Big Smo and upcoming Freddy Powers The Spree of ’83 book which features Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson. So it's been an interesting run.

How long does it take you to write a book?

I work on several at once usually, that’s kind of my process, half day on one, a day on another, but for BEHIND THE BOARDS: NASHVILLE, I spent 4 straight months day in and out writing this book exclusively as it was over 600 pages. I was reading the audiobook for Blackstone as I was writing it too, which was the first time I’ve ever done that. Usually the audiobook is read after the book is completed. Then it’s about a month of editing before its handed into the publisher. So this was a real push, but it was worth it because of the feedback I’m getting first from the producers I worked quite extensively in many cases with on their individual chapters, and collectively in the book being a first of its kind for country music fans where they can read about how their favorite hits by country’s biggest stars were made while listening along on Spotify, iTunes, Tidal, etc.

What would you say is your interesting writing quirk?

Oh, I don’t know... I write every book thinking from the outset before I’ve even started putting words down to paper thinking about how that book will be marketed and promoted upon release. There’s no point in writing something no one is going to read because when you get to the finish line you don’t have a gameplan on how to make readers aware of it. Publishers, to be honest, can only do so much in that arena, every publisher’s publicist is usually like a social worker with 30 cases on their desk, so yours can only get so much attention. So for instance, I always recommend to a writer to hire a great publicist and know that while that’s a considerable expense, it may be the best money you spend in getting the word out about your book because that publicist is working for YOU, not for 30 authors at once. It's just a fact of the business that I think should get more light shed on it because you’re competing with that number I mentioned above of 60,000+ books a YEAR coming out. I also negotiate the right to press my own promo runs of 100 if needed because if not, you’ll wind up with a paltry 10 copies from the publisher, who for their own budgetary reasons, might not for instance be able to service all the physical review copies you’ll have to give away during the book’s promotion, whether to a disc jockey interviewing you on the air or the listener he or she is giving away a free copy to during that broadcast, as just one example. If you don’t plan ahead for that, you’ll wind up paying that publisher $6 or $7 per promotional copy, which is something I’m SURE some of my own publishers would hate for me to pull the curtain back on, but its true. Writers are paid LAST usually in the royalty chain, especially early on, but you move up in that order as you build a value into your name as a writer, which only comes with people hearing about you and your book. So again, HIRE A PUBLICIST, HIRE A PUBLICIST, HIRE A PUBLICIST! Your agent can be helpful too, but its typically up to you as an author to maintain your own social media presence and look for every available avenue to spread the word about your book so it has a chance to be read. This is equally important for newer or more established writers, because there’s always a new generation of equally-as-talented new wordsmiths knocking on those publishers’ same doors...

What do you like to do when you're not writing?

In a studio making music or writing books for the various publishers I work for, or recording audiobooks for Blackstone Audio, so it’s pretty time-consuming. I did just sign a worldwide music publishing deal for my songwriting catalog with Streets Music and David Gresham Company. So I’m lucky to stay busy, to be honest, you have to too make a living in the entertainment business. I have a wife and a dog too, so I spend what time I have left with them. ☺

Your 50th book is coming out June 23rd, “Behind The Boards: Nashville”. Can you give us insight on what it will be about?

First, I exhale deeply every time I get asked that because it's finally DONE! I spent 2 years collecting extensive, first-hand – many for the first time in a book – interviews with 30 of country music’s biggest producers, and in some cases, that meant waiting for a break in their busy studio schedules to talk, in others it meant multiple conversations over a couple years as we wanted to make sure we had all their current hits as they kept banging them out, and in other cases, because of the sheer volume of their catalog – some of these guys have been in the business since the early 70s – it took that long to chronicle it all. That’s just the interview process too, then I had to write it and I write everything in one shot vs. a chapter here and there. Its to me like staying in character as an actor throughout an entire performance, and when you’re writing a book like this, you’re in a headspace that never lets you sleep because creative narrative is CONSTANTLY hitting you about specific hits, and there’s over 300 # 1s in this book. Additionally, there’s an EXHAUSTIVE amount of research I do to source out certain critical quotes of praise, for instance, from way back in the 80s, 90s, early 00s, etc from magazines that aren’t even in print anymore, as well as supporting quotes from the actual superstars these producers work with in the studio, which also takes a great deal of time. So after all of that prep, once you begin writing, there’s another 3-4 months before the manuscript comes to life as a finished product.

As a result of that, country music fans here are given arguably the MOST definitive to date book chronicling the stories behind the making of their favorite hits in the studio, again how those artists specifically and uniquely work at their craft – i.e. does George Strait sing each hit over 3 or 4 vocals or 25 or 30 takes, etc – as well as how specific # 1s within those individual catalogs of Greatest Hits were created in the studio. Then from the other side of the boards, so to speak, you get the producer’s first-hand recollections of their own personal journeys from the time they could first crawl and walk and started discovering music to their teenage bands and first tape-recorder or 2-inch reel to reel or 4-track or laptop home recording sessions all the way up through their rise to become the biggest names in the business working in country music today.

Collectively, BEHIND THE BOARDS: NASHVILLE features Dann Huff, James Stroud, Jim Ed Norman, Dave Cobb, Justin Neibank, Ross Copperman, Zach Crowell, Chris Destefano, Jesse Frasure, Norbert Putnam, Josh Osborne, Luke Laird, Clint Black, Frank Liddell, Shane McAnally, Jimmy Robbins, Josh Leo, Nathan Chapman, Paul Worley, Jeff Stevens, Jody Stevens, Bobby Braddock, Michael Knox, Don Cook, Frank Rogers, Joey Moi, Ray Baker, and Buddy Cannon, who did the Foreword, which was a TRUE honor. Frankly, it was an honor to have every one of these legends speak to fans so candidly and openly about both their personal and professional lives in the music business. Their stories are inspiring, ear-and-eye-opening, exciting, insightful, and hopefully educational for those kids growing up on their records now hoping to break into the same business. So hopefully, there’s something for everyone who opens the book.

What were the methods you used to get ‘the’ interview with all the big names you’ve written about?

When you’ve been around this long, fortunately you can get in touch with just about anybody, whether they say yes or not to the interview is another story! (laughs) But I’ve been pretty lucky, especially for instance with my NASHVILLE SONGWRITER book series, which has TWO volumes and 50 of the biggest songwriters in country music in the first two volumes, and a THIRD volume with another 30 legendary songwriters coming out at the end of 2021, and especially with BEHIND THE BOARDS: NASHVILLE, which has 30 of the most legendary record producers in country over the past 50 years, guys like Norbert Putnam, who ran Quad and produced Jimmy Buffet’s “Margaritaville,” Jim Ed Norman, who produced Hank Williams Jr’s Born to Boogie album, Ray Baker, who produced that whole 70s Honkytonk soundtrack including Moe Bandy, Whitey Shafer, and Merle Haggard and Freddy Powers among others. Then you have the Millennial generation’s biggest names like Joey Moi, Dave Cobb, Dann Huff, Jesse Frasure, Ross Copperman, Shane McAnally and Josh Osborne, Ray Riddle, and on and on.

What do you think makes a good story?

Well, for this book, the most common thread woven throughout many of the chapters/live stories of these producers were the long-term working relationships they’ve maintained with many of country music’s biggest stars throughout their entire careers or the majority, for instance, Jeff Stevens and Luke Bryan, Byron Gallimore and Tim McGraw, Buddy Cannon and Kenny Chesney, Michael Knox and Tony Brown, Frank Rogers and Brad Paisley, Miranda Lambert and Frank Liddell, the list goes on and on as long as the Greatest Hits track listings do. Equally as importantly for a book like this, is the fact it takes the reader quite literally inside the studio and pulls back the curtain on how their favorite country music stars record their biggest hits, and almost literally re-creates their recording from behind the boards by the producers interviewed. Then on a totally separate front, from the academic side, its a 600-page book full of tips about how the recording process works from all sides, points of views, approaches, ages, and technologies, old and new, from analog to digital and the hybrid of both in the “in the box” generation of record making. Hopefully, we’ve covered all sides of the process, that was the aim anyway so readers get a 3-D look, so to speak, at how the recording business really works.

How did publishing your first book change your process of writing?

I sold my first book to my first publisher, Amber Books, in 2001 and Tony Rose gave me my start in the business and I wrote for them almost exclusively for the first 5 years and 10 books of my career from 2002 to 2007. So having a stable and still exciting publisher willing to take chances on you and equally-as-importantly, the kinds of books you might approach them with, is KEY for any new writer because writers must remember EVERY time a publisher takes a chance on their book, they’re putting real money behind it before they ever see a dime back. It's a big leap of faith, and carries with it alot of obligations for the author, where it doesn’t just end with handing the book in, but also helping promote it and building a brand for your name so it can become more and more reliable for both readers and new publishers, as any writer’s goal should be to eventually build a catalog where they write for as many publishers as possible throughout their career. But be prepared to start out writing for one, or anyone for that matter, who you can verify has a good track record as a publisher, or if they’re new to the game, doesn’t just want to put out an e-book, which anyone can do without a publisher, and is willing to commit to a physical pressing, and promotion of that pressing. I wouldn’t go looking for advances on your first or even necessarily second book out, but start asking for them as soon as possible as its an important piece of the income stream for any working author, as much as royalties are later on down the road. An advance lets an author know a publisher first can afford to put money into their book, and values them, vs. Alot of these starter deals that promise big back-end but nothing up front. You have to be able to afford to take that hit once or twice out of the gate, but its not a career model any writer should plan on if they want to make a living as a working author. The other reason I mention all this is because being a working writer is not just about the creative side of the process, but the entrepreneurial one too, because you have to be a self-promoter, and not be shy to doing interviews or promotion on social media, etc, as you’re competing with a THOUSAND new titles a week minimum these days between all the digital e-books and print books out there. I think the statistic was to be something like 60,000 books published in 2018 alone, so that tells you the competition you’re up against to even get a book sold to a publisher, let alone compete on bookstore shelves for the reader dollar.

What’s your favorite under-appreciated novel?

Of my own books, I wouldn’t say any are underappreciated, I’m grateful for the fact that people still read my books after 20 years and 2 or 3 generations of teenagers (which are a primary part of my reading audience) still buy my stuff. I try to give them consistently interesting reading subjects, either in the personalities I co-write with – like country rapper SMO, whose memoir My Life in a Jar: The Book of Smo, was released in 2019, or the Freddy Powers Spree of ’83 memoir, which is presently in film development and that I co-wrote a screenplay for with Catherine Powers last year, that was also something different, and say something like legendary R&B producer/artist Teddy Riley’s forthcoming memoir Remember the Times, which we’ve been working on for the past 6 years off and on and is looking like it might be heading to Teddy’s fans’ hands in the next year. One key thing I tell new writers when asked for input into starting a career in the current climate for our business is be prepared to commit as much time to a book as the artist needs, its similar to an album – if the publisher wants it on a deadline, be prepare to deliver, but getting an artist to open up in depth about their life takes time, both to build trust and to physically take the time to do the interviews not only with them in principle but also with the huge list of supporting cast members between peers in the band and business and family members and friends, record executives, peers, etc that usually wind up on those lists. It's a process you should NEVER RUSH yourself, only move at the rhythm of the people you work with and for, and you’ll wind up working alot longer in the business than those who are in a hurry.

How many unpublished and half-finished books do you have?

Haha, I actually have a folder called “Projects That Probably Won’t Happen” and its filled with all kinds of “famous” bands/musicians books that just never got off the ground for one reason or another, but they’re all under contractual deals where I can’t talk about them in case they want to put a book out in the future, and I hope they all do. Sometimes you encounter someone who is thinking about writing a book but is really 10 years before they’re ready to, or they aren’t really committed yet past the concept, so you do some sample chapter interviews but it never gets past that starting line. I’ve thankfully left on good terms with the majority of those names, but with 50 published books in my catalog, most of what I have committed my time to has thankfully made it to store shelves. That’s important for any new writer to remember, because with every new book project you take on, you’re committing a year to two years of their life to that process from the start of interviews through the completion, handing it into the publisher, editing, etc. Anyone in a rush usually isn’t going to get anywhere is what I’ve found, it takes time, even if your mind is moving a million miles a minute, and your ambition even faster, pace yourself and you’ll last a lot longer in the race I’ve found anyway (cheesy sports metaphor aside ☺).

Do you read your book reviews? How do you deal with bad or good ones?

Haha, I’ve had some good and bad experiences there over the years. I have NO problem with a consumer buying my book and then reviewing it one way or the other on say Amazon or Audible, etc, because that’s part of the business, but as far as book reviews from other writers, I just have to hope they like it and write fairly about it as it does matter impressionistically what readers then think of it as a potential product to buy and read themselves. Sometimes, in walking the fine line I have to be between the technical and the creative in a series like this or Nashville Songwriter or say my In the Studio series, which has over 10 books in it alone, so you never know. Its something I don’t pay alot of attention to as well because by the time a review comes out, the book has been out a couple months usually and we’re on the back-end of a promotional push, so if its a good review, it's a nice 4th quarter boost of coverage, and if it's not, then it's pretty buried vs. hurting the book’s launch on the front end. I’m just being honest, sorry, but book reviews play a very MINIMAL role in most books’ launches if they’re properly promoted via author interviews, premier placements as we’ve done with American Songwriter, CMT, SoundsLikeNashville.com and others coming up, and for any newer writer, accept ahead of time that you’re GOING to get a bad review here or there, it's just part of the subjective review process, and doesn’t speak for your larger reading audience.

Do you believe in writer’s block?

Not when you write for a living. It's not a luxury I think any of the writers I know who work professionally writing books can afford, that’s why you have to follow the simple rule of A.B.W. (Always Be Writing) ☺.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Probably doing the same thing, writing is how I make a living, so it's will be with me until arthiritis set’s in, but I’ve got 2 screenplays in development and hope to have at had at least one of them produced into a film. I’m not unrealistic to think that it will go to theatres, but I’d be happy to see a streaming service selection with my name on it as a screenwriter, there’s 3 or 4 of my books fortunately in that cycle right now so we’ll hope one or two of them make it that far. Beyond that, I’m in the studio every week as I have been the past 20 years making music and will continue doing that, hopefully to a greater degree with these new publishing deals I’ve signed as I have over 200 released songs in my own catalog, none in Country lol, but I just try to keep putting out new creative product across multiple mediums at as prolific a pace as the muse allows without the quality of the end-product being compromised. That’s the point at which I’d stop I guess, if the quality of the writing lessens to where people don’t want to read my stuff anymore. Thankfully, I have built up a pretty loyal reading and retail-buying audience over the past 2 decades, and hope to keep putting out books that help music listeners understand how hard and still rewarding a business the record business is. It's an amazing world to wake up working in every day, and I love helping musicians tell their stories on paper, so we’ll just have to see. I hope to have hit 60 books by then, although my ultimate goal is another 50 over the next 10 years! (laughs) Thanks again for your time and support of this latest project!

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marissapugliese · 4 years

Text

Paper 1

How Dance made me who I am today

For my entire life I have been a resident of New York. I was born and raised in Brooklyn; to be specific, a neighborhood located in South West of Brooklyn called Dyker Heights. I grew up being constantly surrounded by my huge Italian family. 85% of my family lives in the same neighborhood or just minutes away which I am fortunate for. I don't quite speak the language fluently but my parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles all can. For most of my family, Italian is their first language. Whenever my “Nonna” (italian term for Grandma. speak to me I understand what they are saying and can communicate back after having a second to think about it. Italians are known for their big Sunday dinners, which usually are held a bit earlier than usual dinner time. During these dinners you will eat pasta with tomato sauce, chicken cutlets, eggplant parmesan, meatballs, and everything you can imagine thrown together in a dinner with most of your family. Italians have an old school mentality and are big on learning how to take care of the house meaning cleaning, cooking, washing clothes, and etc. My Italian culture and background has influenced the way I was brought up, which was to always put family first, take care of your household, and eat delicious foods.

Dyker Heights is predominantly a residential neighborhood. Since most of the neighborhood is built up of housing, there is one main thoroughfare which is Dyker Heights Boulevard (13th Avenue). The boulevard is one of the only streets with businesses. As a young child all I really had to know was my neighborhood. My elementary school, dancing school, family, friends, dentist, doctor, and anything you could possibly imagine were just a few minutes away from me. When I was a child, most of the residents of Dyker Heights had come mainly from an Italian cultured background. My family’s culture is Italian as well, so I was mostly surrounded by individuals who grew up the same way I have or follow the same cultural aspects. I attended a Catholic school in Dyker Heights where most of the staff and students had come from the same Brooklyn/Italian culture as well. Although there were others of different races and backgrounds as well, predominantly most of us were similar. All students that attended this school had one thing in common and that was being raised following the Catholic religion. These similarities helped form bonds and friendships with the students at the school. Most of the students who attended the school lived in Dyker Heights or close to it. This made it easier for friendships to continue in and out of school. Along with knowing Dyker Heights well I also know the other neighborhoods that are “bridged” to it well like Bensonhurst, Bay Ridge, and Gravesend.

At the age of four I began dancing at a local dance studio in Dyker Heights, Danceworks Dance Center. Dance has influenced my life tremendously. From an early age, I had found a passion so deep that has impacted me, and my journey of life. As I said the studio is located in my neighborhood so I was surrounded by similar faces and friends that made me feel safe. In the beginning of my life, dance was fun, it was a hobby, and I was good at it. I auditioned for a performing arts middle school Mark Twain, which I later attended after getting in. The school was located in Coney Island, Brooklyn. Transitioning between a small nonetheless Catholic School to a middle school of 500 students per grade year was a bit of a shock, culturally as well. I was surrounded by individuals with many different backgrounds, religions, and other talents like vocal or drama or athletics. This experience had broadened my perspectives of life. I was not limited to what my neighborhood of Dyker had to offer, but I was exposed to a melting pot of kids from all over the borough of Brooklyn who were just as talented and smart. I consistently had classes with the others in “dance talent” and made friendships that have lasted me up until today and that I know I will have forever. Not all these individuals were just like me, which was an Italian Catholic Dyker Heights girl, we were all different but bonded through dance. We shared a love, and passion for the art which created many mutual interests. We all loved watching Broadway shows or seeing any live dance. Most of us were a part of outside dance companies at our local studios that would compete friendly against one another in various locations. We all got to perform together at the end of every year for our showcase, and spent lots of hours rehearsing. These hours spent together along with our mutual interest allowed us to easily get along and create these friendships with one another.

As I was in middle school, dance got more serious and I decided to audition for my dream school which was LaGuardia High School aka the “Fame School”. This highschool was located in New York City just around the corner from Lincoln Center. It was a drastic change for me and shifted me into the person I am today. I was exposed to thousands of people who lived in completely different boroughs and also created friendships with them as well. I was also surrounded by the dance majors everyday for four years which made them a family to me. Having to be a student at LaGuardia took a lot of responsibility at a young age. My highschool was about an hour and fifteen minute train ride. Because of my decision to attend this school, it had welcomed the world of public transportation to me. Before attending LaGuardia I could probably count the amount of times I’ve taken the train or bus on one hand. At the time, little did I know how fortunate I was to be from a neighborhood that made it possible to get around in a car. The life of public transportation was completely eye opening, and something that enhanced my knowledge of what our city had to offer. Having to take the MTA every morning and afternoon of the week was a huge part of sheltering myself from just knowing my neighborhood only. Although I have had many crazy experiences on the train, for example, my friend almost got her hair lit on fire by a stranger on the train… I have gained many life lessons and memories shared with my friends from highschool. LaGuardia itself had hectic long days that had started from 8am to 4:15pm everyday (which is considered long for an average high schooler). In the process it was rough, but I always reminded myself that I was there to do what I loved doing, which was dance. The people who had attended my high school were filled with talent, and light. I would walk through the staircase and find a group of students singing and playing instruments in the staircase, or a group of dancers including myself hitting a 5,6,7,8 in the middle of the hallway. Moments like these were when I realized despite my crazy long days, or how exhausted I was, I was meant to be here. I spent about 75% of my day with dance majors due to our schedules, which helped me develop friendships that I still hold on to. We collaborated with different kinds of artists like singers, actors, or lighting designers to create shows and performances. This has expanded my knowledge of not only my talent but a glimpse of others as well. When I graduated LaGuardia I walked down the stage feeling accomplished, matured, and ready to take on what college had to offer, a glimpse of real life.

I attended dance at my local studio Danceworks while continuing my middle school, and high school education which meant a lot of dance. I was on their competitive team, and the studio was small. My mentors and classmates have been there for me for years, and have watched me grow as a dancer but a person as well. In my years at Danceworks Dance Center I learned what it truly meant to be a team member. I learned what it meant to be disciplined, what it meant to be prioritized, how to be a competitor and how it felt to be fulfilled. I learned what it meant to be disciplined by showing up to class in proper uniform, to do as I was asked to do respectfully, and show discipline in myself by never slacking and pushing myself to exceed my limits. I learned to prioritize dance and my team by working around my life schedule to make sure I was able to perform, rehearse, or compete with my team. It was senior year of highschool and my prom and my last dance showcase with Danceworks Dance Center fell on the same day. You bet I went to that recital and ran afterwards straight to prom, because I knew what it meant to be involved in something so genuine and real; I wanted to be there for my team for every occasion including my last recital. Danceworks Dance Center made me find fulfillment, and made me feel whole. I was so loved, supported, and appreciated; and I felt the same in return. Being a part of the studio has left me with lessons, and experiences that I will continue to carry out. When I graduated from LaGuardia High School, I graduated danceworks as well. I then was asked to come back and teach at Danceworks with some alumni friends as well. I was so honored to be a part of something that was significant in my own life, and ready to take on a teaching position in others lives the same way. The staff at Danceworks that I still currently work at are family, mentors, and bestfriends I will have for life. My experience at Danceworks has come full circle and I would not want it any other way. Till this day the dance studio of Danceworks is my sane place, and the place I feel most comfortable and myself in. I walk into the studio, plant my feet on the Marley, and I feel fulfilled. While teaching at the studio I feel safe, happy even when students stress me out, and grateful to be sharing my passion for the art with a younger generation. My senior year of highschool I had to decide what path I wanted to take. Did I wanna pursue a career in dance or take up a new hobby? I could not let dance go. It has made me who I am today, developed my most precious relationships, and has made me feel home. Dance has expanded my knowledge of New York City as a whole, and has introduced me to so many cultures through the art itself. I learned what responsibility is, how to be a part of something so real, and what it means to give back. So I chose to attend Long Island University as a Dance Major. I chose to attend LIU because of how vigorous, small, and mighty the dance department is. I know I would receive great training and one on one attention. Also, I would be just next door to the heart of New York City allowing me to travel easily to expand relationships for future jobs. I belong to the social group of LIU Students and most importantly the dance department. Dance has gotten me already so far and has opened several doors for me, I am in hopes it’ll continue to do so in the future as well

Glossary Terms:

Nonna: Grandma in Italian.

Sunday Dinner: Italians are known for having an earlier afternoon dinner on Sundays that includes the majority of family and lots of food.

Catholic: a Religion system of faith.

Mark Twain: Middle school located in Coney Island, Brooklyn.

LaGuardia High School “Fame School”: Performing Arts School for grades 9-12. Located in New York City.. Referred to as “Fame School” reflecting on a movie Fame that was inspired by the school LaGuardia itself.

Danceworks Dance Center: A dance studio located in Dyker Heights, Brooklyn.

Lincoln Center: A complex of buildings for the Performing Arts. Located in the Lincoln Sq area of Manhattan in New York City.

5,6,7,8: Dancers way of counting a phrase or routine. Can also be used as a preparation.

Marley: The type of floor most dance studios contain to allow dancers to move in a smooth and safe flooring space.

Long Island University: A college located in Downtown Brooklyn.

#Soc3

me :)

#soc3 #p1autoethnography #dance

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star-anise · 6 years

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Thank you! My actual question is, what is trauma? Particularly trauma that doesn't stem from a single Traumatic Event (TM) -- like, trauma that comes from years of being treated as a "gifted" child, or from developing a disability slowly and quietly rather than in some big accident, or other non-obvious sources. What is trauma, what does it do to someone, why can two people go through the same shit and one comes out traumatised and the other does not? This is a big and vague question I know.

Yeah, “trauma” as a concept is kind of confusing because people think that to be traumatic, something has to be dramatic. And it doesn’t. In point of fact, when my province did its public messaging campaign for trauma-informed care, they completely replaced the word “trauma” with “toxic stress”.

This is gonna get long. For further reading, I’d suggest looking at the Child Trauma Academy’s Trauma and PTSD Library. And it will sound at the beginning like I’m answering some different question than yours, but I promise, I am.

The root of trauma is in the stress response system. When our body interprets something as a threat, it activates the stress response system; our system floods with adrenaline, heart rate goes up, breathing quickens, the brain diverts energy away from centres of higher thought and into immediate physical motion, your liver releases glucose your digestive system slows down, all that stuff. This is called “arousal” but it means stress arousal, not sexual arousal. And then, after the threat has passed, your body works to return you to normal; it releases cortisol to calm you down, your heart goes back to normal, your digestion goes back to normal, you are calmed and soothed.

The first major cause of stress after birth is being hungry. The stomach hurts; we’re in pain; we become stressed and cry. And ideally, someone will come, pick us up, and feed, rock, soothe, and make noises at us until we stop crying and become calm again. If we receive adequate care--that is, if we experience thousands of repetitions of being alarmed and in pain, having the pain go away, and being soothed--our brain records a basic set point of “most of the time I do not need to be alarmed, but when I am alarmed, it probably won’t be for long and I’ll get what I need to calm down again.”

Our brains don’t differentiate well between physical and emotional pain, between something that happens to us and something that happens to others. What makes a baby scream in hunger is the same basic mechanism as what happens when someone experiences a dramatic trauma.

The really big, important step, is when the body goes back to normal. When you are calmed and soothed. The parasympathetic nervous system kicks in; the body releases cortisol; heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure go back to normal; digestion resumes; higher brain functions go back online.

Trauma is what happens when this doesn’t occur--your body tries to soothe itself, but it isn’t enough to fully work. Maybe the stressor is still present so the stress response keeps happening; maybe there aren’t enough resources to become soothed by. Instead the body is alarmed to the point of exhaustion. An aroused stress response is an incredibly taxing state, sucking down resources at an enormous rate while preventing the generation of new ones. So for an adult this could be a big shock that they can’t get over; for a baby, it could be not being fed, not being soothed, or being in constant pain.

Trauma is, basically, a stress response that wakes up easily and then takes a long time to settle down again after. It’s the brain trying to anticipate a dangerous world where something bad happens and you need to be quick to respond to it, and maybe be prepared for a long siege where you need to maintain that response for quite some time.

It works differently for kids because we actually need a lot of help to cope with stress initially. We spend a long time helpless, unable to walk or talk, completely dependent on a caregiver to eat and handle threats. The repetition of being soothed by a caregiver slowly builds up the neural capacity to deal with threats. We use our sense of connection with other people, and our own mastery over the world, to help deal with with stress. This is why hurt children want to be soothed by their caregiver, specifically, and why that caregiver kissing an injury to make it feel better works. Rejection is painful because on a basic level, our brains associate it with not having the resources to handle pain.

So there are a lot of thing that can either deprive a child of adequate resources to handle stress, or create a stressful stimuli too great to be soothed. Which are kind of the same thing, except: there are harmful or inadequate environments that would be guaranteed to over-stress and fail to soothe a vast number of children; and there are children who become so stressed they require a level of soothing much greater than what would be adequate for most other kids. An almost universally neglectful environment might be infants in an old-fashioned orphanage, where babies are fed on a rigid schedule, rarely held, rocked, or soothed, and not responded to when they cry; those suckers are almost guaranteed to fuck up any infant raised within them. (If it survives.) Meanwhile, a child that is difficult to soothe might for some reason have levels of pain it would require painkillers to take away, or might be distressed by things their caregiver doesn’t know to control, like an autistic child who is distressed by the fabric of their blanket or the electric hum of household equipment, which many neurotypical people would never guess could be distressing.

So some of those predispositions might be genetic, but then they get compounded by early life experience. For example, my nephew was allergic to his infant formula; he screamed way more than your average baby and was much harder to soothe, until his parents and their doctor figured out what was going on. After that, he was a much happier baby. If they hadn’t figured out what was going on, and he’d spent maybe a year being constantly distressed with nothing to soothe it, it probably would have moved his stress response system a little closer to “easily activated and hard to soothe”.

You know how when plastic gets hot, it gets all melty and can be put into a bunch of different shapes? And then when it cools down, you can flex it a little but not reshape it entirely? That’s what is meant when neuroscientists say the brain is plastic. When we’re born, our genetics play a little into the shape that our brains take, but our environment has just as much ability to shape our brains. The brain can be optimized for learning English or learning Chinese, to being happy and easily soothed or for responding to constant, unremitting stress. And as we grow older, the plastic cools off. A lot of your stress response system’s basic set point is decided by the age of 3, and much harder to change thereafter. The window for learning any new language easily and flawlessly closes in elementary school; after that, as we age, it gets harder and harder. The adult brain solidifies, so it can flex but is hard to totally reshape.

Part of childhood trauma is also the failure to learn skills during a critical period for learning them. If a child isn’t exposed to any language by the age of 7, they are deeply unlikely to learn how to speak naturally and fluently later in life. And almost everything that differentiates adulthood from childhood is a learned skill, including staying calm, paying attention, solving problems, making friends, and socializing. They’re like muscles; they have to be used for them to grow from their initial promise, their basic genetic gift, to being large, strong, and capable of doing things.

So the younger you are, you see, the more subtle a trauma can be; the stress response system is so much weaker when we’re young. It is shaped not just by huge things, but little ones: How predictably we’re fed when we cry. Whether the adults around us are grieving or fearful. If we’re allowed to feel safe when we leave the house. If the people we encounter are friendly or hostile. Whether we can reliably meet the standards for being considered “good”. How often we encounter rejection. The hope is that, as you age, you can handle bigger and bigger stresses, because stress response is to some degree a skill; I can handle a skinned knee more easily than my 3-year-old nephew can.

But both genetics and that early life set-point can determine how likely we are to be traumatized anew by later events. If your stress system is already prone to being aroused way before other peoples’, and much slower to calm down, you’re much more likely to both be stressed by new events, and to fail to calm down totally after. The stresses pile up. Your stress response system, bless its little heart, thinks that the response to more stress is MORE VIGILANCE, and it takes a lot of very deliberate work, environmental change, and possibly medication to calm it back down again. (A frequent medication for traumatized children is clonidine, which reduces blood pressure, because it helps reset their bodies to “less stressed”)

And then if our bodies leave us in a state of chronic stress, we can often fail to do the things that help us recover from it later. If a child is constantly stressed and anxious, it may make it harder for them to make friends; then when they’re pushed off the swing at recess while the teacher’s back was turned, they’re less likely to have friends who will notice or react with care, concern, or help. If they feel totally embittered by school as a whole, they may be more likely to drop out, meaning they don’t have the educational qualifications that would give them home, food, and medical care. It can be a really vicious downward spiral.

So:

Trauma from big shit as an adult is essentially the same as trauma from little shit when you’re a kid. To a baby, social isolation equals death, and it takes a long time to learn otherwise.

Two people can experience the same thing and have very different reactions because of combination of genetics and life experiences

One of those differences can be perception of threat, so they are more likely to find something distressing than others

Another can be difficulty with distress tolerance and self-soothing, so they are much less able to return from distress to a feeling of wellbeing and calm.

Adverse early experiences can set you up for a negative downward spiral

Lack of positive shaping experiences as a child can leave you without important skills for health and growth, and those skills can be much harder to learn later in life.

#staranise original #trauma #child neglect tw #child abuse tw #batbetbitbotbut

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night-filled-mountain · 5 years

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For the Hozier ask thing: No Plan, Be, Talk

- No Plan - Do you believe in a pre-determined purpose in life?

No, but I think it can be helpful–for some people!–to think and act like you have a pre-determined purpose, as long as you’re not too rigid about it. Sometimes the random twists and turns of life just get overwhelming, you know? And you need to weave them into some sort of pattern–“A, B, and C all happened in order to lead me to D,” or “Despite X obstacle, I know I’m meant to accomplish Y.” Humans are pattern-finding creatures–that’s why we like stories so much. I can’t imagine getting through life without periodically making it into a story, whether you actually believe in some divine Plan and Author or not. (This is reminding me once again of that Brian W. Foster lyric I’ve become obsessed with: “And if it wasn’t designed, then I’ll be damned if I ever know why.”)

Though honestly, for me? The opposite is true. I’ve faced, and continue to face, so many mental-health barriers to having the kind of life I’d like to have, and I’ve fought (and continue to fight!) such a harrowing, hard-scrabble fight to make that life happen anyway. It’s a massive struggle, it’s ongoing, it’s every day. It’s exhausting and humiliating and entirely without dignity. So the thing that I like to tell myself about the life I want? Is that I wasn’t meant to have it. Some particularly nasty gods have played a trick on me since birth, crafting a person for whom friends/romance/productive work/artistic fulfillment/Happiness are impossible–and day after day, I’m fighting them, trying to prove them wrong. Clawing and biting at them with everything I have in me. Forcing my way out of their boxes, grasping at what I want, and spitting in their eye for good measure.

I’m sure my preference for this narrative says something about me as a person, but I leave that up to you, anon!

- Be - Have you changed much as a person in the last year?

…I literally don’t know where to start.

In August 2018, I wasn’t married yet. I lived in a small town in New Jersey with my parents and sister, and was desperately terrified of moving (permanently) anywhere else. I had completed two master’s degrees just a few months before, but I’d never had a full-time job, and I was 250% convinced (for the aforementioned mental-health reasons, and a chronic physical illness to boot!) that I could never, ever have one. Oh, and I’d just gotten back from a visit to my former roommate (which remains the last time I saw her, not counting Skype), and I was suffering constant agony over the intense, passionate, mutually pining, emotionally needy, co-dependent mess that was that relationship.

And now?

I’m married. I live in Boston, in an apartment where I’ve paid 100% of the rent for the past six months (though that will soon be changing!). I have a full-time job that has challenged and transformed me in ways that I could not possibly have imagined six months ago. Like…literally could not have fathomed. Outside the scope of my brainpower. Beyond my wildest dreams.

I’m the head of my department…because I’m the entire department. I do heavy-duty customer service. I interact with dozens of strangers every day–children, teens, and adults–and I usually do it without a whisper of social anxiety. I pick up my desk phone when it rings. I make phone calls when I have to. I send and receive dozens of e-mails a week. I manage a budget! I place orders! I schedule programs! I answer reference questions! I operate and troubleshoot various forms of technology constantly, and teach others how to use them. I reason with, joke with, assist, educate, entertain, chastise, and discipline 20+ rowdy teenagers ON A DAILY BASIS. There have been many days, and once an entire week, when I was literally in charge of my entire workplace and everyone in it. And it was all still functioning when my boss got back.

…And it’s actually really timely that I should write about all this now, because I’m smack-dab in the middle of an extremely daunting work task, one that’s causing my ADD to kick my ass to hell and back. And I’ve spent the past few days wondering just how fucking desperate this place must have been to hire someone who’s been wretchedly sobbing over her utter lack of focus and organizational skills for almost 30 years. So it’s…quite the morale-booster to look at these paragraphs about just how goddamn far I’ve come in a year.

…Also, Ex-Roommate and I have gone no-contact, and most days, I don’t think about her. And if I do, it doesn’t hurt so much.

- Talk - What’s your best friend like?

I have three (3) best friends, and they are MY WORLD, so get ready for this.

(1.) My husband. We’ll call him Kit, which is, in fact, a name he often goes by. He is a Gemini, which I mention only because he’s a very classic Gemini: bursting with curiosity, interested in everything, with a dizzying array of hobbies and interests that seem to change and shift by the moment. He teaches science, and used to teach history. He loves camping, sea shanties, Lawrence of Arabia, board games, and tabletop RPGs. Being a teacher, he’s had the summer off, and he’s spent it being a house-husband: cleaning our apartment, buying all the groceries, doing my laundry an embarrassing number of times, and cooking me dinner every single night. He loves being useful to people and making people happy. He’s terrific at long-term planning, but has no sense of time, and he’d be late to everything without my intervention. We have separate bedrooms, and mine is obsessively neat, and his is…not. He was once bitten by a squirrel that he was hand-feeding on the Boston Common. A few days later, he received a serious electric shock from a string of Christmas lights, and the bandage he’d placed over the squirrel bite was burned black instead of his hand. This perfect balance of cursed and blessed is, in a way, all you really need to know about Kit.

We love to watch movies and TV shows together and discuss/analyze them obsessively. We love to have looong philosophical discussions and/or debates. We take walks, we get Italian food and/or ice cream far too often, we go on jolly road-trip adventures, and we read out loud to each other. He’s currently reading me Charles Dickens’ Our Mutual Friend, which I have read before (twice) and he has not, because I love it so intensely, and I know that he will too. He’s the best person on earth to discuss virtually anything with, to be honest. He’s my DM in the best D&D campaign I’ve ever been part of. I’ve just made a new D&D character, although I don’t have a campaign for her yet, and Kit cannot stop lavishing praise on her and getting excited about her…even though she’s a hobgoblin, and he spent a significant portion of a recent car ride passionately arguing with me about the viability of hobgoblins as player characters.

He is absolutely extraordinary at admitting when he’s wrong, owning it fully, changing his opinions, pursuing personal growth, and just becoming a better and better person all the time. And I’m so damn honored that I get to be here for it.

(2.) We’ll call my second best friend Unicorn, which is a multilayered inside joke.

I met Unicorn during my freshman year of college. We lived on the same floor. I was the odd woman out among my suitemates because I had crippling social anxiety; he was the odd man out among his because he was gay. Somehow we started watching movies and TV shows together, and it became our Thing; I think our current marathon record is six or seven movies in a row. We’re both from New Jersey, and he still lives there, and there are few places in the world I feel safer than on his giant couch, in front of his giant TV, with snacks and glasses of Limeade close at hand, and his neurotic little dog nosing about. He has a pool, a massive movie collection, and an encyclopedic knowledge of state politics, because he works as a full-time environmental canvasser. His hours are absolutely terrifying, as are the physical and social demands of his job, but he still finds time to run a D&D campaign for his coworkers, and to visit the rest of us in Boston at every possible opportunity.

Unicorn is barely a month older than I am (a fellow Leo, though I think it suits him a hell of a lot better than it suits me), and he understands me in specific ways that the other two members of our little quartet just can’t. We get each other’s humor, we have similar tastes in men, we both love to swim. When the four members of our found family are all together, he is invariably the only person who notices all my little puns and innuendos, and laughs every time. He listens to me, and asks me questions, in a way that no one else in the world quite seems to do. He made a speech at my wedding that reduced me to a blubbering mess. And, most importantly of all: He started inviting me to our college’s LGBT group when we were juniors (right after Kit and I started dating), which was how I met my third best friend, and how we all became a family.

(3.) I’m going to refer to Best Friend #3 as “Dragon,” because…he loves dragons, and because he was Unicorn’s roommate when I first met him, and it keeps the mythological-creature theme going. …And once again, I don’t know where to start, so I’m going to go dig up an old post I made about Dragon, copy and paste it below, and then figure out how to elaborate on someone who both my husband and I have identified as the best human being we have ever met.

This is a friend who invites the whole gang of us to his apartment for entire long weekends, and cooks for us, repeatedly. Who hosts “fake Christmas” every year, complete with a tree decorated with blue and silver ornaments because he is Jewish, and made all of us hand-stitched, personalized stockings, and fills them with gifts and sweets purchased specially for each of us. Who once baked me a cake just because I was coming to visit him. Who organized and directed my entire move from New Jersey to Boston because his Tetris-like car-packing skills and his utter laidback unshakable calm in the face of any task are absolutely unparalleled. Who is a goddamn wizard at literally everything, from cooking and baking and sewing to Photoshop and graphic design to painting D&D miniatures to putting together elaborate cosplays to theater tech to writing and research to courageous and tireless activism to law (did I mention he’s a lawyer?).

…That was my old paragraph, so let me add a few things. I can’t emphasize enough how much he carries that aura of calm and kindness and competence about him at all times. Never in my life had I had a cooking/baking experience that didn’t stress me out until Dragon let me help him make an entire dinner and various desserts for our friend group, and it was just…so chill. So well-organized and perfectly timed, but without ever feeling like those things took any effort whatsoever. He was so kind and patient with me, demonstrating each task step by step, then being entirely confident in my ability to perform said tasks, and never trying to nitpick at the way I did them or take them over himself. Part of his job involves teaching, and I know he must be fantastic at it, because no one else has ever been such a soothing balm and a stimulant (both at once, somehow!) to my poor, tormented ADD brain. Someday (maybe soonish!), our whole found family is going to live together, and the thought of being around Dragon all the time just makes me weep with joy. And did I mention his sweet, child-like enthusiasm for holiday celebrations and ghost tours and spooky TV shows and musicals and fantasy novels and text RP and all other Best Things? (Ok, he also loves dogs and Marvel movies, and I love neither, but I forgive him for this.)

Oh, he also officiated my wedding. And he also had top surgery today, and I have maybe never been this happy about anything ever, what an auspicious day to finish this post!

#asks from the askbox #personal #long post #she's just about to close up the library!#dungeons & dragons #d&d #dnd #this got RIDICULOUSLY long holy moly #i have a lot of feelings about my job and my friends guys

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aalin-pace-blog · 5 years

Text

i. basics

Card: 14. Temperance

Character Name: Aalin Pace

Faceclaim: Morena Baccarin

Age: 38

Gender & Pronouns: Female, she/her

Outside Occupation: UX Designer

ii. character interview

If you could be in charge, would you be? What would you do?

“I’ve been in charge before. I’ve led teams of disparate people, I’ve tried to hold their hands and maneuver them through trials and tribulations, I’ve succeeded and I’ve failed. While there is great satisfaction in a job well done along with the knowledge that you were instrumental in getting there, there are so many drawbacks. The blame, if given, rests squarely on your shoulders. Tempers flare and you’re the one they attack. At times it’s like herding cats. Cats that are on fire and refuse to be put out.”

Her answer seemed to please The World. There was a nagging feeling that Aalin had once known this person, but she couldn’t remember the specifics. It was quite infuriating, if she was being honest. A puzzle she would never be able to solve, not if what The World had told her was true. She would be limited to the stacks of journals held within these walls. Second hand information. It wasn’t the way Aalin liked to learn, but she supposed it would suffice. For now.

Aalin shook her short crop of hair over her shoulder. “Over the years, I’ve learned I like to lead from the sidelines, if at all. My skills are more useful than my leadership, I think. People forget you’re there if you’re not the one standing in the middle of the room shouting your opinion and marching orders, leaving much more room to soak up information. You learn something about the people on your team when they think you’re not listening, more than they’d ever tell you to your face. Not to mention the amount of time I have for my own education. Leading can be so tiresome and time consuming.” She let out an exasperated sigh, remembering all too well how exhausting the launch of Google News was, despite its success.

It was the most Aalin had spoken uninterrupted in years. She liked how The World let her say her peace, even though it felt like every word was being analyzed for some greater purpose. Aalin was used to that, though she was more used to being the one doing the analyzing. A quizzical look blossomed across her face, genuine curiosity in her words. “How does anyone get anything done when they’re in charge?”

What is your favorite part of your power?

When I first came to “The Lair”, I found only a few fellow Councilors, the beginnings of my new family. Immediately, I felt their abilities slamming into my brain and could no longer deny The World and her claims of magic and the Arcana Council. As soon as I felt their powers, however, they were gone. No...not gone...suppressed. Hiding beneath the surface, bubbling under a fog. Had I done that?

The World called it “Power dampening”, but some of my peers called it something far more crass. It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t control it yet, but I have to admit it was calming not to have everyone waving their abilities around all willy nilly. The Empress was the only one I really trusted, until a new member came in soon after me. They seemed more grounded than the rest, more willing to keep the balance the world so desperately needs.

No wonder they call me Temperance.

I never noticed before I came here, how much the anxiety inducing meetings got to me back in the “real” world. The men swinging their egos around, mousy women taking anything they threw at them, and the ones who wanted to argue any point with any person who would listen. It was chaos and I just shut it out and went to work. No wonder no one ever noticed me. Even here with all the large personalities, it was a wonder The Lovers even saw me unless I was taking away their abilities.

Read us a journal entry from your first life.

Journaling has always brought me peace. I would have kept one even if The World had not asked us to, though to be honest, it would have contained many different entries, I’m sure. I know some of the others detest the assignment or feel it’s beneath them, but I agree with The World’s idea to keep our lives recorded, and from our own perspectives. How interesting it could be to reread these tomes after centuries away from that point in our lives.

I still find myself coming to terms with my newfound abilities. Magic has and always will be a force of balance, but I find myself off-kitler as I adjust. The Ancients warned us of this, but you never really know a feeling until you’ve felt it. Every time I walk into a room, I feel the others’ abilities as if they were tangible entities I could reach out and hold, and I feel myself softening them until they’re almost indistinguishable. More practice is needed, to be sure. At times the others’ abilities are too overwhelming, even when they’re not being used. I can still feel them, hanging in the air around me. I can tell some of my new companions despise my power. They tend to forget I’m there, until they can no longer wield their powers.

Perhaps that is why I was chosen. To keep the balance.

I’ve never faltered when it comes to balance. I find myself dancing on the precipice of light and dark, “good” and “evil”, chaos and serenity, never tipping one way or the other. My companions seem to have a harder time staying on one side or the other, when they should be toeing the line between. But that is not their strength, and I understand that.

If only they did. If only they learned to lean on their fellow Councillors for their strengths. Perhaps with time we shall grow and harmonize the way the Ancients want us to. I’m optimistic, but I feel the other Councilors’ gifts and can sense how dangerous they would be if used for selfish purposes, if used without the rest of us to balance.

iii. background

Balance. Life and death. A new soul comes screaming into the world as another peacefully fades out of it. This is how Aalin entered this iteration of her life, with the truest sense of harmony and symmetry. On the clear night in December, as a fresh snow was falling over the hospital grounds in Ashland, Oregon, Aalin Pace came kicking and screaming into being, replacing the soul of her mother. The doctors had known it would be a difficult birth, but Nooma demanded to go through with the pregnancy. Aalin was to be her little miracle, even if it killed her. And that she was, even if Nooma wouldn’t be around to see it.

In childhood, Aalin was a calm and obedient child. She was bright, but never tried to outshine anyone. ‘Easy going’ and ‘kind’ were the two go-to words used most often to describe the child who never seemed to have any squabbles. In fact, most people felt so much more at ease around her that whatever argument they were having seemed to falter.

Ever the mediator and with a scholastic reputation, Aalin was picked constantly for group projects, sometimes even when she’d rather work alone. The value of having the smartest girl in class in your group was not lost on her classmates, but more times than not, she was quickly forgotten as the rest of her peers vied for the coveted title of “project leader”. Aalin would simply roll her eyes and put her nose back in her books, all too aware that the “leader” really was more of a figurehead than a contributing member of the group. The rest of her team may wish to fail, but she would not.

It wasn’t until she entered the graduate design program at UC Stanford that Aalin really understood what it was that was missing in her life. She never truly felt like she belonged, never felt like she was seen or appreciated for the talents she possessed. Most of the time she didn’t mind playing second fiddle to the more rambunctious people around her, but sometimes it would be nice to be noticed. Her classmates stampeded over her despite their lack of natural ability, and though Aalin was one of the most easy going people you could ever meet, she wasn’t about to flunk out of school because she didn’t have a backbone. Her mother hadn’t given her life so that she could have one to let it be squandered.

So Aalin but her nose to the grindstone and worked. She worked in the background while her roommates went to keggers, she worked when her best friends dragged her out to bars only to forget she was there 15 minutes after getting there. She worked harder than she ever had, and she gained the attention of more than a few tech companies that were springing up all over Silicon Valley. While her peers were fighting cutthroat campaigns to get job offers from any worthy company, Aalin focused simply on doing a good job. She even helped some of her classmates study, but when push came to shove, it wasn’t her peers who got the holy grail offer.

Google, a new company in Palo Alto, California, wanted her. As it turned out, Aalin picked the best possible study buddies, a pair of PhD students who wanted to branch off and create a new tech research company. They were blown away by her academic achievements and her enduring personality and offered her not an internship but a fully staffed position at their new office. Aalin still wasn’t sure she found her niche, but every day that she walked into the conference room for a morning round up, she felt a genuine smile pop up on her face. Still usually the quiet girl in the back, Aalin listened and soaked up every tidbit of information she could get. The company’s code of conduct “Don’t Be Evil” truly resonated with the young woman and she couldn’t imagine herself in a better place.

That is, until a being calling themself The World entered her life.

It was 2004 and Google had just released their IPO, effectively becoming the future force to be reckoned with, all thanks to Aalin. It was a write up in Time that got The World’s attention, they explained to a very confused Aalin. The existence of magic, of past lives and revoked immortality sent her reeling. However there was a bit that hung in her mind, unwilling to be explained away by logic. The World had called her Temperance and explained that she was the embodiment of balance and compromise. She saw into Aalin’s soul and spoke things no one had ever bothered to ask about or try to see. It was as if she had been truly seen for the first time in her life – in this life – and Aalin wasn’t ready to let that feeling go.

#bio #about aalin

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lovelylunarwriting · 6 years

Text

Doyoung Prince!AU

Prince Kim Doyoung’s kingdom is an empire of knowledge and scholars. The nation has a strong focus on maintaining quality education, keeping the people knowledgeable, and building some of the largest libraries to ever exist.

Although there are many massive libraries scattered across the country, by far the biggest one is the Royal Literature Hall. It’s so large that an entire wing of the castle is just that library.

This Royal Literature Hall is where Prince Doyoung, sometimes reluctantly, spends most of his time. As the crown prince and next in line to the throne, he’s always wanted to know more.

More about his kingdom’s history, more about his kingdom’s relations with the other nine nations, and more about his people. What the people need, how he could help them… the list goes on and on.

To sum it up, ever since he was told that he would be the next king, and not his older brother, Prince Doyoung has been s t r e s s e d.

He constantly feels the weight of the position of future king and the weight of his country on his shoulders.

It’s gotten so bad that he only sleeps a few hours a night, and even then, it takes him too long to get to sleep. His mind races from one issue to another, constantly trying to make up solutions. Inevitably, he has no epiphanies, and gets no sleep either.

He spends most days in the Royal Literature Hall, looking up one thing or another, whether it be historical war strategies or the medical advancements of another kingdom- it’s always something important, but ultimately not the most interesting.

But today, Doyoung's reading about the crop harvest summaries from the past seventy four years and oh my G O S H is he so bored.

So bored and yet he still can’t sleep because his mind is constantly racing.

Deciding that he’s had enough for the day, he borrowed some civilian clothes from his guard friend, Taeyong, gets dressed, and just walks out of the palace.

Upon making the long walk to town, he realizes that it's been two months since he’s set foot outside the castle.

For the first hour, Doyoung wanders around, strolling through the market, absently mindedly listening to people’s interactions.

The one thing that he notices is that almost every person he walked by is either talking about or carrying a copy of the newest hit novel “Shimmerlight”

In a nation built on books, for a novel to become popular isn’t uncommon, but this popular? That's kind of crazy.

Doyoung decides that he’ll check out the quality of this book himself.

He walks up to the first person he saw with the book and asks them where they purchased it.

“Oh, it’s in every bookstore! But if you want to talk to the author, I’d go to Honey Bee’s Buzzing Books”

Doyoung thanks the guy, and walks to where that bookstore is, following the directions given to him by the kind stranger.

All kinds of thoughts run through Doyoung’s mind. Why was the author at this bookstore? If they’re such a successful writer, why aren’t they living the good life in some villa instead of spending all day in some dusty store in town?

And why of all things, are they just available to talk? Don’t they have things to do? Go swimming in their piles of money, for example??

But then Doyoung checks himself, thinking “hey dumbass, you’re literally royalty and you’ve never seen a pool full of money, let alone jumped in”

By the time he’s done theorizing questions, he’s made it to the front steps of a cozy sized, old-timey bookstore, which he assumes has to be the famed Honey Bee’s Buzzing Books.

He hesitates walking in, but eventually does, immediately cringing at the sound of the bell ringing, announcing his presence.

“So much for keeping my head low”, he curses himself internally.

Just at that moment, a person (you) pops their head from around a bookshelf, and greets him with the biggest smile.

“Welcome to Honey Bee’s! How can I help you?, you ask the attractive young man that just entered your book store. You didn’t think you’d seen him before. No one could forget a face like that.

The awkward silence brings you out of your train of thought. He hasn’t responded to you at all- he’s just standing there, staring.

“Uhh, sir?”

“Sir? Oh gosh, don’t call me that. That makes me sound old”, he jokes.

“Okay, then what should I call you?”

“Doyoung. Call me Doyoung”

“Ooo, you’ve got the same name as the prince! How lucky for you, I’ve been told that he’s dreamy”

“He’s dreamy, huh? What else have you heard?”, he asks with a smirk.

“Well I’ve got a friend in the castle he says the prince is a hardass, but they’re known for being overly critical. I’m sure the prince is quite lovely. Anyway, have you come here with a specific book in mind?”

Doyoung: “Well, sort of. I’ve come here out of sheer curiosity. Have you heard of the novel Shimmerlight?”

You: “Heard of it! I practically wrote it”

Doyoung: “Really?”

You: “No like in all seriousness- I am the author. I literally wrote it”

Doyoung: “Oh, wow. So you wrote an entire novel, and you own this place?”

You: “Ah, this store isn’t mine. I work here to help out a friend- he’s the one who owns it. So you’re looking to buy my book?”

Doyoung: “Well, before I buy it, could you tell me a little about it? I’m not sure if your book is my kind of read”

You: “Of course I can! Here, come sit, I’ll go get some refreshments”, you say, leaving the cute stranger to go put on a pot of tea.

Doyoung’s used to being alone, and had never minded it before, but there's something so comforting and warm about you that makes him wish for you to come back sooner than later.

And his wish is granted as you stroll back over to the dainty table, with a teapot in one hand and two matching tea cups in the other.

Setting them down gently on the table, you excuse yourself once again and jog to the back room, your hair bobbing up and down as you run.

“Now we’re all set!”, you announce as you waltz up to the table, placing a plate of cookies and assorted sweets in front of the beautifully puzzled boy.

Doyoung: “Thank you, but you really didn’t have to do all this for me”

You: “Of course I didn’t have to. I want to! Don’t worry about it and eat up, the cookies are baked fresh. They only came out of the oven about half an hour ago.

Doyoung: “Writing and baking? Is there anything you don’t do?”

You: “Exercise. It’s just not my thing”

Doyoung: “Yeah I get that, it’s not like I have much time for it anyways though”

You: “You don’t have time to exercise but you have time to investigate my book out of sheer curiosity?”

Doyoung: “Hey, you’re the one who just admitted to not exercising, don’t turn this on me”, he laughs.

His deadpan expression that he entered your store with is long gone, and replaced with the most gorgeous eye smile you’ve ever seen.

You hope he’ll stay long, you think to yourself, you heart beating a bit faster than before.

You: “Well let’s get straight into it! What do you want to know about my book?”

Doyoung: “Well, what is it about?”, he asked, the curiosity gleaming in his eyes.

Explaining your novel to people and just getting to talk about your ideas, characters, and creative process is one of your absolute favorite things to do. Your friend who owns Honey Bee’s always reminds you not to get carried away and bore people with blabbing about your stories, but you’ve always insisted on blabbing anyway to anyone who is willing to listen.

Most of the people who come in to talk to you are grannies and young kids. The grannies always try to set you up and introduce you to their sons, but you always manage to maneuver your way out of it as politely as you can.

At one point there was an elderly woman who was convinced that you were the perfect match for her son, and so you told her that you were interested in women to get her off your back.

The next day she came in with her daughter.

You didn’t try that strategy again.

Blabbing as your strong suit, this is exactly what you do in this current moment with Doyoung. You explain to him what the characters are like, their relationship to one another, and by the time that you’d described the many different aspects of the fantasy land you’d created, he’s… dozed off.

Was he really asleep?

He’d eaten half the cookies and drank two cups of tea, and you always kept the shop warm, especially during these winter months, so you assume it’s only natural that he could get drowsy.

You make the decision to not take him falling asleep while you were talking as a personal offense, and more as something flattering. To protect your pride, more than anything.

You go to the back room and grab a blanket out of the closet. Treading careful, as to not make any noise, you come back and delicately place the plush blanket around his broad shoulders.

He's completely out cold with his arms crossed on the table, and his head tilted to the side, resting on top.

In this moment he just looks so… peaceful. He came in to your shop looking exhausted and stressed, so you're glad that he's able to rest.

Your friend is going to kill you for this, but you close the store down way earlier than normal, so that no one could come in and the bell wouldn’t ring, waking him.

He looked like he needed sleep more than anything and you weren’t about to take that away from him, even if he was sleeping in the book store.

You sit behind the front counter and immersed yourself in the book you’d picked up a few days ago.

Honestly you think about sitting back in the seat across from him, but conclude that it would be a tad creepy if he woke up and you were just… there. Chillin.

Plus the table is right next to the window looking out on the streets and you didn’t want people getting the wrong idea when you would inevitably stare at him while he slept.

He’s so pretty, how could you not?

You finish the book, left with the feeling of wanting to read more of it, so you get up to see if you have the sequel somewhere around here.

As soon as you stand up, however, you heard someone outside shout “Lord Prince!”

And you freeze on the spot.

Someone shouting for the Prince? And a man named Doyoung in your store?

“No way, this isn’t a fucking disney movie”, you mumble in disbelief as the shouting man pounds on the door.

“Excuse me, you!”

“Calling me ‘you’? How rude”, you say to no one in particular as you unlock the door. The man hurries in and starts barging over quite loudly to Doyoung when your protective instincts kick in. You grab the man by the wrist, whipping him around to face you.

“I’m sorry but he’s asleep and you need to let him rest. He was exhausted when he came in, so please let him sleep at least a little longer”

“Do you realize who I am?”, the man asks.

“No but frankly, I don’t care. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days”, you argue.

“...you’re right about that. I don’t know the last time he’s slept for more than a few hours at a time”, the man sighs.

You let go of his wrist, relieved that he’ll let Doyoung rest. But then you think, “Why do I care so much?”

Not able to find a reason, you pass off the feeling as your patriotic concern for the well being of your country’s Prince.

But even you know that’s bullshit. You just weren’t ready to admit to yourself that you’re catching feelings for the p r i n c e for fucks sake.

You pull up a second chair behind the front counter, and bring this guy, who introduced himself as Johnny, the prince’s butler, tea and cookies, just as you had done for Doyoung. It’s the least you could do, since you're telling him to wait.

For once, you're the one listening to his stories. Johnny confides in you his worries about the prince’s physical and mental health, telling you how Doyoung has been working himself to the bone, trying to know everything possible in order to be a good king one day. He also tells you in more detail about how Doyoung hasn’t been able to fall asleep due to stressing out and worrying himself about the fate of his country, and his own capability to reign as a good and fair king.

“But my real question is, how did you get him to fall asleep? Please tell me you didn’t drug the cookies”, Johnny asks jokingly.

“I drugged no ones cookies. He came in because he was curious about the book I wrote, so I was telling him part of the storyline when he dozed off”

“So you told him a bedtime story, essentially?”, he rationalized.

“I’d like to think that my bestselling novel is of higher literary merit than a bedtime story but if that helps you explain what happened, then sure, but-”, you began to say very sarcastically before Johnny hushes you.

“Shh! He’s getting up!”

And that, he was. First Doyoung sits up, rubbing his eyes. He looks around the room with the most adorable panicked expression on his face, probably having forgotten where he was. Finally, he gets up and turns around, facing the two of you. Suddenly that panicked expression became more serious.

Doyoung: “What have you told them?”, he asks his butler sternly, as more of a command than a question.

You: “Nothing too terrible, Prince Doyoung, he’s not much of a gossip”, you reply lightly, trying to ease the tension.

Doyoung: “So you know that I’m… I wasn’t trying to-”

You: “Sweetheart, I do not care that you’re the prince. I do care that you let me call you dreamy to your face. Gosh, how embarrassing”

Doyoung: “You don’t… care?”

You: “No, why should I? You’re a person, aren’t you?”

Doyoung: “Well… yeah”, he says sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

You: “So am I. So don’t think you’re getting special treatment, Prince Dreamy”

Doyoung: “Prince Dreamy?”

You: “I think it’s quite fitting, don’t you?”, you said playfully to Johnny, who gives a thumbs up, playing along. You assume it isn’t often that he gets the opportunity to pick fun at his prince.

Doyoung: “I can’t tell if that’s a compliment or an insult”, he comments, popping a cookie in his mouth.

You: “Well it’s either that or Prince Hardass, which would you prefer?”, you say nonchalantly. And with that, Doyoung chokes on the cookie, coughing and hitting his hand on his chest.

Doyoung: “You could’ve killed me!”

You: “Oh and I would be charged with treason and hanged for the killing of Prince Hardass. How tragic”

Johnny: “Tragic indeed”, laughing at your banter with the prince.

After a brief silence, the feeling of the room changed to something more serious, yet again.

Johnny: “I’m sorry for his majesty’s intrusion of your time, but the prince must now return to his duties. We’ll be on our way”

You: “It was no problem! It’s only been around… oh. Seven hours”, you say, checking your watch.

Doyoung stands there hesitantly, looking at you like he wants to say something but can’t.

You: “Oh, I know!”, you shout, standing up from your chair abruptly. You walk over to one of the towering shelves of books and pull down your novel from the top shelf. Grabbing a pen off the counter, you quickly write your signature on the inside cover and hand the book to Doyoung.

You: “You liked where the story was going, right? Now you can finish it!”

Doyoung: “Oh, um… thank you. How much is it?”

You: “Free of charge, Prince Dreamy. Don’t worry about it”

That particular comment makes his cheeks tint a bright shade of pink. You figure the crown prince isn’t used to being called dreamy to his face.

The two men leave the shop, the bell by the door ringing as the door slams behind them.

You miss the presence of the snarky prince, and decide to clean the shop to get your mind off of today’s craziness.

Doyoung on the other hand, was both happy and confused.

He knew three things.

One- That that was the first time he’d slept somewhat soundly in months.

Two- That your book sounds super interesting and he can’t wait to go back to the palace to read it.

And three- He’s pretty sure he’s crushing on you. Hard.

Something about you is just so… comfortable to him. You're welcoming even though he just barged into your store, you made cookies and tea for fucks sake, and you didn’t change your attitude or demeanor around him when you found out he’s the prince.

That last point meant a lot to him. Most people upon finding out his royal status made it their goal to suck up to him to get something from him. You on the other hand, roasted the hell out of him, and he’s pretty sure he loves you for it.

Johnny had ridden a carriage into town, so Doyoung didn’t get to walk back, like he usually prefers to. Going for a walk clears his mind, and his mind could use quite a lot of clearing.

The entire ride back, he thinks about something other than the future of his country for once- he thinks about you.

And even when he gets back to the palace, he can’t manage to get you off his mind. Which although it’s sweet, for Doyoung’s focus it’s problematic.

Johnny informs Doyoung that he should finish his reading on fruit harvests and then call it a day.

So there Doyoung sits- at his usual spot in the Royal Literature Hall, staring blankly at the words on the pages and pages of harvest reports.

If he couldn't focus before, he definitely can't focus now.

“It's just a crush, just a stupid crush”, he mutters to himself while pushing away the stack of papers.

“I'll just read their book and get them out of my system. I'll get over these brief feelings when I finish the story”, Doyoung tells himself, pulling out the book you'd given him earlier in the day.

Placing it carefully on the table, he flips to the first page.

And then the second page.

And by the time he's gotten to the two hundred and fifty sixth page, he's fallen asleep yet again, his face resting in the crease of the book, his nose acting as the perfect bookmark.

Little did he know that his butler, Johnny, had come back to make sure Doyoung had finished his task, only to find his master out cold, yet again.

Johnny: “There are over a hundred beds in this castle, Prince Doyoung. I implore you to choose one”

Doyoung shoots up in his seat, awoken by Johnny’s sassy remark.

Doyoung: “Sorry, I didn't plan to fall asleep, it just keeps happening”

Johnny: “It's great to see you resting, but are their stories really that boring? Enough to lull you to sleep?”

Doyoung: “No no, that's not it at all. Their stories are lovely and soothing. I think that's why they put me to sleep. It's easier to think of their fantasy worlds than it is to face the reality of having to be king one day”

Johnny: “You talk of the throne as if it's a burden”

Doyoung: “Some days I feel like it is”

On that note, Doyoung gathers his things and makes his way to his room.

He sits on his bed and picked up the copy of Shimmerlight, tempted to read more.

“Just one more chapter”, he lies to himself.

Five chapters later, Doyoung's asleep, dreaming of the world of magic that you'd created.

Every night that week, Doyoung would read more and more of your book until one fateful night- he finishes it.

“What? That can't be the end!”, Doyoung shouts to the universe at like one in the morning. He immediately slaps his hand over his mouth, realizing the late hour.

He slept fine that night, but the night after that, he couldn't sleep at all. He doesn't have anything of yours to read, and he doesn't have you there to tell him stories, so he just lays there.

He tries counting sheep, controlled breathing, and all the other bullcrap Johnny advised him to do, but alas. Not even a wink of sleep.

Pulling this all-nighter causes Doyoung’s mood and morale to plummet. He finally found a way to sleep well and now it was over.

After grumbling and researching whatever dull task Johnny assigns him for the day, Doyoung finds himself unable to focus. He’d only met you once, and yet you managed to have such a significant impact on him.

“I’ll get over it- I’ll get over them”, Doyoung said aloud. He’d forgotten his attentive butler happened to be looming over his shoulder at the time.

Johnny: “You’ll get over who, exactly?”, he asks with the curiosity of a gossiping school girl.

Doyoung: “It’s nothing- forget it”

Johnny: “Mhmm... the less you say, the more you reveal, Prince Doyoung”

With a huff and a sigh, Doyoung comes to the conclusion that his butler is not going to leave him alone until he spills the metaphorical beans.

Doyoung: “...well do you remember the person who gave me the book Shimmerlight?”

Johnny: “Yes, I remember them very clearly, having had to talk to them instead of dragging you back to the castle after looking for you for hours”

Doyoung: “Look- you’ve already lectured me. Do you want to know what’s on my mind or not?”

Johnny: “I will admit I am quite curious. Before that day, I didn’t think anyone’s comments could fluster you, Prince Doyoung. Or should I say Prince Dreamy?”, he teases the moping prince.

Doyoung: “Ugh, forget it!”

Johnny: “My apologies for picking fun at royalty like yourself, Prince Doyoung. You just make it so easy”

Doyoung continues to confide in his butler, but not before shooting him a piercing glare.

Doyoung: “I just can’t stop thinking about them- no matter how much I try to block out thoughts of them with thoughts about literally anything else. And even worse, the only thing that can put me to sleep nowadays are their stories. And g o s h those cookies were so good”

Johnny: “I agree with you on that last one. With cookies like that, we ought to hire them as a pastry chef here at the castle”

And then it happens. The epiphany Doyoung's been waiting for all this time.

Doyoung: “Not as a chef, then they’d be stuck in the kitchens all day. We’ll hire them as a librarian, so they can work here- in the Royal Literature Hall”

Johnny: “...may I refrain from formality for just a moment?”

Doyoung: “...yes?”

Johnny: “Doyoung you c a n n o t hire someone to work for you just because you have a crush on them”

Doyoung: “I'm literally the prince, who is going to stop me”

Alden: “Ugh... I don’t like it. But if you insist, I’ll send a messenger to fetch them and bring them here to the cast-”

Doyoung: “No way, I’ll go talk to them. Don’t worry about it”

Doyoung doesn’t hesitate to rush out of the Literature Hall and out of the castle.

It takes him a good minute to realize that it’s raining, but there’s no time to waste, so he pulls up the hood of his jacket and keeps running towards town.

Johnny yelling in the background: “I would’ve gotten a fucking carriage if you would’ve waited five minutes-”

Finally, after the most running Doyoung’s done in years, he ends up at the front door of Honey Bee’s Buzzing Books, and this time he doesn’t hesitate to enter.

“Y/N? Y/N!”, he shouts into the seemingly empty store.

“Listen dude, you can’t come barging in here and start yelling”

For a fraction of a second, Doyoung feels a glimmer of hope, until he turns to the front desk and sees some boy instead of you there. He runs up the counter, regardless. Eyeing the boy’s name tag, Doyoung begins his frantic interrogation.

Doyoung: “Listen- is Renjun your name?”

Renjun: “Yeah, why else would I have ‘Renjun’ plastered across my chest?”

Doyoung: “Do you know where Y/N is?”

Renjun: “Home, like they should be. It’s their day off”

Doyoung bolts out the door, getting a whole four steps into the street before realizing he doesn’t know where you live.

He steps timidly back into the store, where Renjun is still sitting at the front desk with an all-knowing look plastered on his face.

Doyoung: “...would you happen to know their address?”

Renjun: “Of course, I’m their best friend. Would you like to know it?”

Doyoung: “Yes, please”

Renjun: “Then answer me one thing, Prince Doyoung. What’s your goal here? Just because you’re the prince doesn’t mean you can go around breaking hearts”

Doyoung: “My feelings for them have nothing to do with this- I want to offer them a job as the Royal Literature Hall’s head librarian”

Renjun: “...are you serious right now?”

Doyoung: “I know that would mean taking them away from your bookshop and I’m really sorry about that but I need them-”

Renjun: “No- you don’t understand. That is their dream job. You have to go tell them!”

Doyoung: “Really? I had no idea”

Renjun: “Well what are you doing just standing there! Go get them!”, he orders, scribbling your address onto a sticky note and sticking it to Doyoung’s forehead.

Doyoung: “Thank you!”, he shouts to the now gleeful Renjun, grabs the note off his bangs and bolts out the door.

Meanwhile...

A few blocks from the book shop, you’re having a lazy day at home, oblivious to the prince’s distress, and to his feelings for you.

The knocking at your door startles you into dropping the book you were reading. You have no clue who's on the other side but by the way they're slamming on the door, you're afraid they'd break it off its hinges. And paying for that to be fixed was the last thing you wanted to do.

You swing open the door, rubbing your eyes due to having just been woken up.

You: “Renjun, should you be at-”

“I'm not Renjun”

You stop rubbing your eyes and look up to the last person you expect- Prince Doyoung.

You drag him inside, preaching a mini-lecture on how “you should at least bring an umbrella if you’re stupid enough to go out during a storm like this”

And oh boy, he looks at you like you’re a whole other species.

You: “What??”

Doyoung: “No it’s just… no one’s ever really nagged me other than Johnny. I’m not used to it”

You: “Well save it Prince Dreamy, I’m not used to princes making a wet mess of my home”, you clap back and go to get him something dry to wear.

Stepping back into the front room, you find the prince of this nation awkwardly standing in the middle of the room.

“Here, go change into this”, you say, tossing him some oversized clothes you happen to have lying around.

He mumbles his thanks as you point out the bathroom for him to change in.

Him stripping down in the middle of your living room wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world as far as you’re concerned, but you figure you’ll save him the embarrassment.

While he’s getting out of those drenched clothes, you get to work brewing some tea and getting out whatever suitable snacks you have in the pantry.

By the time he steps out, you’ve got the table set with some sweets, at least, but the tea’s still not ready just quite yet.

You: “You sure took your time. What did you do, go through my medicine cabinet to make sure I’m not some kind of spy?”

Doyoung: “How would me looking through your medicine cabinet give me any kind of inkling of your loyalty to this country? And no, I was trying and failing to dry my hair”

You: “Oh sorry, I didn’t think of that. Gimme a second”, you say and scurry down the hall to get a towel.

The last thing you need is to be beheaded because the crown prince caught a cold on your watch.

You chuck a fluffy, pink towel at the prince, hitting him straight in the face.

...whoops

You: “Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! My aim is terrible”

Doyoung: “It’s fine, really. I didn’t come here to recruit you as an archer or anything”, he says as the two of you take a seat at the table.

You: “Yeah about that- why did you come here? I don’t recall giving you an address, but you’re the prince so I guess you have a heightened stalking capabilities”

Doyoung: “I wasn’t trying to invade your privacy, I just have something important to ask you”

You: “Ah, I see. Well I hate to break it to you, but you should at least take me on a few dates before proposing. I’ll have to respectfully decline”

Doyoung: “Haha, very funny. In all seriousness, though, I would like you to come work at the castle. Work for me, that is”

You: “As what, a servant? Baker? Seamstress? Oh gosh please not a seamstress, I haven’t sewed anything in years and even then it was… tragic to say the least”

Doyoung: “I want you to work in the Royal Literature Hall as a librarian. You’d still have down time to write and if you don’t know how the Dewey Decimal system works, I’m sure Johnny could teach you. Actually, Johnny wouldn’t know but Taeyong probably does”

You: “...”

Doyoung: “So… what do you say?”

You: “Pardon my language your Royal Dreaminess, but are you fucking with me right now? Is this a joke?”

Doyoung: “I’m completely serious. That would be a pretty cruel joke”

You: “Okay then yes, yes, yes! A thousand times yes! Oh my gosh, when can I come to the castle?”

Just then, you hear frantic knocking at the door yet again.

You: “Did you bring friends?”

Doyoung: “My friends live in the other kingdoms or the castle so... most likely no”

You and Doyoung creep quietly over to the door, cautious of who else would show up at night in the middle of a storm.

Unlocking the door, you swing it open just enough for the two of you to peer through the sliver of space.

You: “Oh. Hi Mr. Butler, sir!”

You open the door all the way and let in the peeved and drenched guy. You’re just glad he’s pissed at Prince Doyoung and not you. Wouldn’t wanna be on the receiving end of that angry look.

Johnny: “Prince Doyoung, just because you are royalty doesn’t mean that you can disregard time and even more so- curfews. They still apply, regardless of your status, wouldn’t you agree, Y/N?”

You: “Ah… of course? When I was younger, I never broke curfew for fear of… well... a situation like this”

Doyoung: “I’ve just offered you your dream job, shouldn’t you side with me on this?”

Johnny: “Bribery is never appropriate, Prince Doyoung. Plus, the carriage is waiting for the both of you”

You: “Both of us?”

Johnny: “Yes, both of you. We can come back for your essential belongings tomorrow, but for now, the place you’re needed most is the castle. Am I assuming wrong about your reply to the Prince’s proposition?”

You: “Oh no, of course I’ve accepted- don’t worry about that! I just didn’t expect to be leaving so soon. I’ve got a few things I’d really like to bring tonight though.

Doyoung: “Whatever we can fit into the carriage should be fine”

The two boys help you pack the carriage with stuff and by the time you’re finished, there’s only just enough room for you and the Prince on one side.

Johnny reluctantly leaves the two of you by yourselves and takes his place as driver of the carriage, leading the horses on the mildly bumpy road back to the castle.

By this point in time, the storm has died down to only the smallest drizzle, the sound of rain being more soothing than its previous hectic plundering.

You’re not sure if it’s because it’s been a long day for you both, or the physical closeness of the two of you, but Doyoung seems suddenly quite shy of you.

Not wanting to say anything to make him even more uncomfortable, your attention stays on your stuff, making sure none get knocked over on the occasional bump in the road. Doyoung, however, is the one who breaks the silence.

Doyoung: “I loved your book”

You: “My what?”

Doyoung: “Your book. Shimmerlight. It’s very well written, I’m baffled to even begin to try and imagine how you came up with the plot”

You: “Ah, I could tell you, but that’d ruin all the fun. Some things are better left a mystery”

Doyoung: “Yeah, I guess so…”, he says, not even trying to mask the disappointment in his voice.

You: “I can tell you a dumb story Renjun told me the other day?”

Doyoung: “Well I just have to hear that”

The amount of time that passes is a mystery, seemingly lasting forever and coming to an end all too quickly.

For Prince Doyoung though, it probably felt like a few minutes, seeing as the sleepless boy dozes off on you about half way through the part where the story gets dumb.

It’s a good thing that he was out cold when he dozed off, his cheek nuzzling into your soft hair, otherwise he’d definitely be able to hear your heart pounding a mile a minute.

Does he even know he has this effect on you? Probably not.

“He likes me for my books”, you remind yourself out loud as the carriage comes to a stop at the front gate of the castle.

“I like you for you too, you beautiful idiot”, he mumbles sleepily, having just woken up.

Your mind frantically searches for something coherent to say back but fails. It wouldn’t matter anyway, because Prince Doyoung opens the carriage door and not-so-gracefully tumbles onto the dirt road.

“Oh shit”, you curse, flinging yourself out of the same door and crouching next to the boy laying on the ground. Johnny is quick to notice and hops down from his position at the reigns and asks what happened.

You: “”I don’t know, he just fell and- oh my gosh he’s got a fever”, you report, your palm feeling the heat and sweat coming off his forehead.

Johnny: “Of course he would get sick, having not slept well in weeks and frolicking through a thunderstorm”, he says with a sigh.

You: “What do you mean he’s not been sleeping? With his responsibilities, he should be resting as much as he can!”

Johnny: “That’s exactly the problem, dear, but right now we’ve got more pressing matters on our hands. I can’t just leave the carriage and horses here, so I’ll need you to take his Royal Highness to his room. Once you’re in the main corridor, it’s the hall on the right and then the third door to the right. Try not to be seen, he won’t want his parents to know about him going into town, they don’t approve of it. Here’s my butler’s pin- if anyone questions your authority, show them that pin and explain that you’re under direct orders from me, understood?”, he explains, placing the pin gently in your hand.

Before you can even respond, he’s back at the reigns and taking off to what you assume is the direction of the stables.

After ten minutes of arguing with the semi-conscious Prince, you convince him to stand, one of his muscular arms swung across your shoulders.

Lugging him through halls, getting horrendously lost, and hiding from every scary looking guard you see, it takes you even longer to get to his room, but you eventually find your way there.

You open the elegant oak door what you hope with all your might is his room, and thank all the deities that there are candles lit from earlier, allowing you to be able to see the path to his bed.

Knowing your own clumsiness and exhaustion, running into a chair in the dark and dropping the ill Prince wouldn’t be out of the question.

Plopping him down on his bed, the weight of him being way too much at this point, you look around the room, searching for something to signify that you have the right place.

It only takes one glance to the bedside table to find what you’re looking for- your book, opened to the page with your signature.

A smile comes to your face briefly, until he breaks into a coughing fit and your mind goes back into somewhat of a panic.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me”, you mutter to yourself as you take off Prince Doyoung’s shoes and struggle to get all of his lanky limbs under the covers.

Doyoung: “You know… you swear a lot for someone so polite”, he laughs, not even letting his feverish state stop him from poking fun at you.

You: “Arguably, I’ve never been under more stress in my life, so I think I have earned that right”, you say, coming back to him with a freshly wet washcloth in your hands.

Doyoung: “Don’t worry- it’s not a bad thing. It’s actually really cute”

And there goes the washcloth out of your hands. Right onto the floor.

Making the trip of shame back to the bathroom to get another washcloth, you cautiously make your way back over to his bedside, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

There’s not really much you can do other than put the clean washcloth over his forehead, so you try to get up, but the Prince’s clammy hand grabs a weak hold of your wrist.

Doyoung: “Please… please don’t leave”, he says with enough desperation to pull at every emotion you have.

“I’m falling for you way faster than I imagined I would”, is what you want to say, knowing that he probably won’t remember in the morning, but ultimately decide that it’s not worth the risk.

You: “Don’t worry, I’ll stay. Of course I’ll stay”

Doyoung: “Would you mind reading to me? I think it’ll-”, he starts, but breaks off into another coughing fit.

Seeing him like this is breaking your heart into a million pieces, so you reach over for your book on the nightstand and settle in next to him under the covers.

You: “Where do you want me to start?”, you ask, hoping your tone isn’t conveying all of your feelings.

Doyoung: “From the beginning, of course”

And that’s how Johnny finds the two of you once he’s finished at the stables. Both in bed, you lying on your back with your book covering your face, and Prince Doyoung on his side with his arm thrown over your waist.

Johnny would break up the “inappropriate behavior”, but this is the first time in too long that the Prince’s face hasn’t been tense in his sleep. For once he’s actually relaxed and resting well.

And the clever butler’s got more than just an inkling that it’s got everything to do with you.

Waking up that next morning is… startling, to say the least.

With Prince Doyoung’s face nuzzled into your shoulder, close enough to feel his breath on your skin, and no personal recollection of how you got there, you just lay there with him, heart pounding out of your chest like it always does around him.

Slowly but surely, last night’s memories trickle back into mind, you recalling the whole “come be my librarian and write stories in your down time” and the carriage ride, and dragging the sick Prince around the castle.

And of course- how sad he looked when he thought you would leave.

Shivering a little bit, you block that thought out of mind. You should be excited! New job, new opportunities, new place and- oh my gosh you haven’t told Renjun.

Of course, the Prince decides to wake up in your brief moment of panic.

Doyoung: “What’s wrong?”, he mumbles groggily into your ear, making you tense up at his closeness.

You: “It’s- It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. More importantly how are you feeling?”, you ask, sitting up and putting your hand over his forehead. His fever’s gone down, but it’s not completely gone.

Doyoung: “Well I’ve not fallen over so far today, so that’s a personal accomplishment”

You: “You’ve been awake for all of thirty seconds and you haven’t even made an effort to get up”

Doyoung: “Sleeping with me and then making snarky remarks- I see how you feel”

You: “It wasn’t my goal to- I normally wouldn’t….”, you start but drone off into flustered silence.

Getting out of bed, you tell the sleepy Prince that you’re going to go find some medicine for his fever and that you’ll be right back.

He makes a point to open his eyes and look into yours, as if he’s searching for some hint of dishonesty, and he blinks a few times in surprise when he finds none.

Doyoung: “Alright. Good luck navigating the halls”

You: “It should be easier now that it’s day time and everything’s light”

Doyoung: “With you here, even nights seem more light”

You shoot him an embarrassed glare before fumbling with the door handle and exiting the room.

You get about a good twenty steps down the hallway before being stopped by a guard.

“Excuse me but who are you? What business do you have in this castle”

You: “Oh, well. I'm Y/N, and the prince is feeling under the weather so I was looking for an infirmity? Or anywhere I might be able to find something for his fever”

“Wait, you're Y/N?! Like the Prince’s Y/N?”

You: “Uhhh I’m not exactly his property but I’d consider us friends…?”

“Yikes. Friendzoned and not even to his face…”

You: “What?? Also what is your name if you don’t mind me asking”

“Taeyong. Lee Taeyong. And we have a medic on staff at all times, you should be able to get something for fevers from her”

You: “Okay, thank you Taeyong”, you say and begin to walk away, thinking the conversation’s over.

Taeyong: “One last thing, though! Can you please let me know when he’s well again?

You: “Of course! I’ll keep you updated as much as I can”

Taeyong: “Wow, you really are like he’s said”

You: “And what’s he said exactly?”

Taeyong: “That you’re caring and sweet. Take good care of him, alright?”, he says nonchalantly, as if that wasn’t the biggest boost to your already too hopeful heart.

Power-walking your way to the infirmary, you shake of the feeling of Prince Doyoung’s lovableness creeping into your heart.

The rest of the day goes by smoothly, and most of it’s a blur if you’re being quite honest with yourself. After retrieving the medicine from the complete opposite side of the castle, you make your way back to Doyoung’s room and instruct him on what to take and when.

From there, you spend the rest of the day following around the Head Librarian and learning the ropes of the job, where the book binding materials are, how to properly use the filing system, where each genre section is, and most importantly, where the prince’s workspace is and to “never interrupt his already permeable concentration”.

At Prince Doyoung’s request, the room across from his has been prepared for you to stay in and all your things have been brought there.

You fought him on it, saying that he was in no state to make that kind of decision, but he said that he wouldn’t want you anywhere else.

He won that argument, because all you could do after a statement like that is blush uncontrollably and flee.

Prince Doyoung with a fever is a lot more forward with his feelings than normal, bumbling Prince Doyoung.

And that was the other thing. Before you could escape to your room, Prince Doyoung asks for you to call him by his name without the title.

He’s the prince of this country though?? What right would you have to be so informal with him?

Well. You did sleep in his bed. With him in it.

You’re still unsure about it but at least he’s comfortable enough with you to ask that??

The next day when you report for duty, you’re shocked to see Prince Doyoung- well, Doyoung, at his workspace, with a worried looking Johnny looming behind him as always.

Disregarding what the head librarian told you yesterday, you walk right up to Doyoung.

He looks away from the mountain of papers on the table to meet your gaze, and the tired, far away look in his eyes is almost too much to bear.

Doyoung: “Did you need something?”

You: “Yeah, I need the prince of our country to live to see the end of the week. What are you doing out of bed?”

Doyoung: “This needs to get done, it’s doesn’t matter if I-”

You: “Doesn’t matter if you what? Faint again? Can you even stand right now?”

Doyoung: “I can stand, I can even walk!”

Turning to Johnny, you give him the “what actually is the situation” look.

Johnny: “Your royal highness, I did have to practically carry you half of the way here”

You: “Then carry him back. Right now”

Doyoung: “And who are you to be making such orders?”, he says with a harsher tone than you’ve ever heard him use before.

You: “If you refuse to take care of yourself, who else do you think will?”, you say quietly, your feelings clearly hurt.

At first you think you may have gone to far with saying that, because he snaps his head away from you and stares at all the papers and documents he needs to read.

But then he stands up, and with some help from Johnny, makes his way back to his room and back to bed.

He does all this without a word, and without even the slightest glance in your direction.

Pissing off the person who hired you isn’t what you wanted to happen on your first day on the job, especially when that person is someone you really care about.

He’s not well enough to be working on his own like this… but maybe he doesn’t have to do all the work himself.

You gather up all the documents you can carry and take them to Doyoung’s room.

Your hands are full… so you kind of kick the door instead of knocking and hope he gets the idea.

From your place in the hallway, you can hear shuffling and movement from inside the room, and finally, he opens the door.

Blinking multiple times, he just stares at you wide-eyed.

You: “So are you gonna let me in or….?”

Doyoung: “Oh yeah, of course umm- about earlier…”, he starts and moves out of the doorway, ushering you into the room.

Plopping yourself down in the cushy chair by the window, you look up to him to show that you’re listening.

Doyoung: “I’ve been… stressed out. To say the least. All these papers of things I need to know to be a good king someday and it’s just been eating away at me. So I haven’t been sleeping much- my mind is always on something. So reading your books and listening to you has helped with that so of all the people for me to be rude to of course my dumb ass was rude to you… what I’m trying to say is that I’m really sorry. I know you were just trying to look out for me”

You: “Don’t worry about it, I could’ve been more tactful in my approach as well. But I’ve got these!”, you say, lifting the stupidly heavy papers off your lap.

Doyoung: “Are those my…?”

You: “Yep! I brought these so I could help you go through them”

Doyoung: “Wow, you’re an angel”

You: “I wouldn’t go that far?? Aha it’s not that much really, I uh- here’s one on the castle’s construction, let’s start there”

And so that’s exactly what the two of you do for the next several days. Doyoung lays in bed and you skim through the documents, telling him the important parts, which he writes down. When he gets worn out, you take breaks and bring him tea and cold medicine.

One morning you even wake up early to go down to the kitchens and bake cookies to surprise him with, and oh boy- he smiles so wide his gums show and his eyes crinkle and you think your heart might e x p l o d e with absolute adoration for this boy.

When he’s fully recovered, the two of your stop your little routine and you go back to the Literature Hall to work and he goes back to his workspace to fuss over crop rotations and blah blah blah.

You make sure to ask Johnny to let Taeyong and the rest of the guard know of Doyoung’s wellbeing

The head librarian get’s pissy with you every time you go over to Doyoung to bring him snacks and drinks but you do it anyway, lol some lady ain’t gonna stop you.

In a big ass library like this that’s pretty much limited to royalty and nobles who would rather be out partying than checking out books, it’s easy to get bored.

Your job is to maintain the books but there’s not much to maintain if no one takes them off the shelves.

With so much free time during your shifts, you find yourself spending most of your time working on a new romance novel that you started the day after you met Doyoung coincidence I think absolutely n o t

It’s highkey about him.

So that’s what a day in the life is for you- writing and making sure Doyoung eats and stays hydrated.

About a month later, when you bring him little goodies, you notice the bags under his eyes and his slouching posture. It’s clear that he hasn’t been sleeping well, but it’s not like he can just stop worrying either.

Saying “hey man, don’t worry about it, it’s just the fate of the country!” won’t exactly help and you’re clear outta ideas. But it can’t hurt it ask, can it?

You: “Umm… Doyoung?”, you say timidly. Even though he told you to, you hadn’t called him by just his name yet, but you try it thinking it might cheer him up.

He whips his head to the side and has the most “???” happy look on his face.

You: “Do you want to take a break? I mean you’ve been at this for hours and-”

From his seated position, he wraps his arms around your waist and buries his face in the warmth of your sweater.

You: “Is that a yes??”

He nods with his face still on you abdomen, making you laugh.

“Okay then, let’s go”, you say and pry his arms off of you, leading him out of the literature hall by his hand, almost like you would a child.

You lead him to his room and tell him to go take a nap, but as you’re about to turn and leave, he grabs your hand again.

Doyoung: “I know this is a lot to ask but… listening to you talk seems to be the only thing that helps me get to sleep so would you mind reading me something?”

You: “Of course! What do you want me to read?”

Doyoung: “What about that new book you’re writing? You’ve yet to tell me anything about it”

You: “I- uh. Yes, I can read you what I have so far, just let me go get it…”

He goes into his room and you go into yours across the hall to get the book and oH goSH how did you get yourself into this one?

Let’s just hope he doesn’t banish you from the country when he hears your feelings for him because you can bet this book is full of them.

Or maybe he’ll be too tired to really pick up on it??

Either way, you make your way back into his room to see him on one side of the bed instead of his usual spot aka taking up the damn whole thing.

You: “Are we doing this again?”

Doyoung: “I mean you can stand if you want to but that seems pretty uncomfortable”

Sighing and smiling a little, you climb into bed next to him, painfully aware of the small amount of space between the two of you, and start reading.

It’s not long before his eyes flutter shut and his breathing becomes more slow and rhythmic.

“I’ll finish this paragraph and then duck out”, you think to yourself.

You: “he’s already woven himself through my every heartstring. I’m afraid if he leaves my heart will be left with nothing but holes and the emptiness filling-”

Doyoung: “I… won’t”, you think you hear him say.

You: “I- are you awake?”

Doyoung: “I said I won’t. I won’t leave you so you don’t have to worry”, he half says/half mumbles and throws and arm around you, pulling you into his chest.

You’re at a loss for words, not believing that this could actually be happening.

Doyoung: “You do realize that I’m in love with you too, right?”, he whispers into your ear, sending chills down your spine.

You: “Well I do now… and aren’t you a little cocky to assume my book is about you”

Doyoung: “You call him dreamy. You called me dreamy. It’s not that hard to put the two together”

You: “That’s on like the second page! You’ve just been letting me go on and on about how much I love you for what? Shits and giggles?”

Doyoung: “So you do? Love me?”

You: “Of course I do, I wouldn’t be worrying over you if I didn’t”

Doyoung: “You don’t need to worry about me so much”

You: “And you don’t need to worry about the country so much. You don’t have to do it alone, and you need to give the people more credit for being able to function without the meddling hands of royalty”

Doyoung: “Hey, these meddling hands are yours to hold~”

You: “One more cheesy line and I’m fleeing the country”

Doyoung: “Hmph, and you call me dramatic”

The two of you stay like that for a while, chatting about this and that, and eventually drifting off to a much needed sleep.

Johnny is unsurprised by the news of you two dating.

Johnny: “With that amount of flirting, I’d be more shocked if something didn’t happen”

You write to Renjun telling him about all that’s happened, and he quickly replies that “I know he’s the Prince but you could still do better”

Being the significant other of the Prince is??? Not something your brain can really comprehend.

Being the significant other of Doyoung, however- that makes a lot more sense.

You don’t really see him as “Prince Dreamy” like the girls in town faun over him. He’s more like “my clumsy boyfriend who cares to much about everything and needs to take a break”

But heyyyy that’s what you’re here for- to remind him to take care of himself and to put himself first.

The staff around the castle have really noticed a shift in his mood. He walks through the halls with his shoulders high, and he smiles and waves to everyone like he did when he was younger.

And boo we all know it’s because of you.

And lastly- he has to move his workplace to somewhere outside of the Royal Literature Hall because you’re too distracting and he can’t focus with you around. He just wants to bother you and love you instead of doing his work.

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