#as in external manifestations of disordered thinking

[youremyheaven]

The Internal Corrosiveness of Venus: Venusian Women & Self Harm

TW: self harm, abuse, suicide, violence, trauma

Claire had remarked that "Venus is internally corrosive whilst externally pleasant and Mars is externally corrosive but internally pleasant". This led me down a rabbit hole to try to understand whether this "internally corrosive" nature manifests as self harm & eating disorders and unfortunately, it does. Venusian women struggle with perfectionism and are extremely self-critical. Venusian energy is HARSH. Venus natives struggle to uphold a certain standard that they subject themselves too because if I'm being honest Venus is the OG "not like other girls girl", they believe they're better than others, and tbh in many ways they probably are but this also means they put undue pressure on themselves to keep being that way.

All Venusian naks are Ugra or "fierce" in nature and while I've talked about how Venusian violence and cruelty can be directed at others in my other posts, I think its worth mentioning how Venusians can be just as cruel to themselves. This is especially true of Venusian women as women internalise their problems while men wreak external havoc (like causing wards and killing people) but there are many male Venusians who struggle internally as well.

In ancient religions, Goddesses of love also had other functions or powers that had nothing to do with love

the Egyptian Goddess Isis was the goddess of love, healing, fertility, magic, and the moon. She was the goddess of life and magic, Isis protected women and children and healed the sick.

She was a great magician, whose power transcended that of all other deities.

The Mesopotamian Goddess Ishtar is the goddess of love and sexuality, and thus, fertility; she is responsible for all life, but she is never a Mother goddess. She is also the Goddess of War.

I'm using these examples to show that the ancients had a more complex and nuanced understanding of Venusian energy. One cannot worship love without understanding that "war" is a consequence of it. Love & war are not very different from each other. When someone believes in something and is willing to die for it, we find that to be very honourable. Sometimes this belief leads men to kill others over it and depending on the cause, we describe the war as "good" or "bad" (kill a bunch of fascists and then its a "righteous" war, if you kill innocent people, then its an unholy war etc). Being at a state of war describes Venusian nature very well since Venus is also connected to royalty and if you're born into royalty, you get to live a very "exclusive" very privileged life that few get to enjoy but the stakes are also that much higher since you could be beheaded or executed or exiled and live a life that is far worse than the average person.

In this post I want to explore how this "state of war" can manifest internally in an ordinary Venusian and contribute to self harm, eating disorders and drug abuse.

Bella Hadid- Purvaphalguni Moon & Rising

Bella has admitted to smoking since she was a teenager and getting a rhinoplasty at 14. Her pro ana Tumblr from when she was a teen is infamous at this point. She has never openly spoken about it but it is widely speculated that she struggles with an eating disorder and possible drug abuse as well.

“I was the uglier sister. I was the brunette. I wasn't as cool as Gigi, not as outgoing,” she said. “That's really what people said about me.” I also feel like Venusians grow up feeling really ugly and completely unaware of their magnetism. They only really grow into their looks when they're older (obvs there are exceptions) and I think being bullied for what they have and don't have are also big themes.

Demi Lovato- Bharani Moon

Demi has spoken about struggling with self harm, eating disorders and drug abuse.

Lovato said, “growing up, I had been bullied in school,” saying she “felt like an outsider," and "like an outcast,” but then she became friends with a girl who was popular. “One day, I asked her ���how do you have all these friends?,’” Lovato noted, and the girl asked Lovato “do you party?" Lovato explained, "She asked me, 'Do you drink?,'" with Lovato saying that this was her first experience with drugs and alcohol, adding, “we experienced a lot of stuff together, drinking and using, and growing up.” Bharani being an outcaste nakshatra resulted in Demi feeling like one growing one :(((

Taylor Swift- Purvashada Rising

Taylor opened up about her eating disorder in her documentary

Lindsay Lohan- Bharani Moon

LiLo has struggled with self harm, drug abuse and battled eating disorders

Oscar Wilde, Purvaphalguni Rising wrote The Picture of Dorian Gray

The plot goes like this : An attractive Englishman's image is captured in a painting that keeps him from ageing, when he exchanges his soul for eternal beauty. But for every sin that he commits, his image in the portrait rots.

This is a very deeply Venusian story, and very specifically Purvaphalguni esque because Purvaphalguni is the height of Venus. It can be said that its also true of Venusians in general. They are outwardly splendorous, they seem to have it all together but inwardly they tend to be inflicting wounds upon themselves in order to keep it all together.

Johnny Depp- Purvashadha Moon

He has also battled eating disorders, self harm and drug abuse.

Iggy Pop- Bharani Moon

"THERE IS EXTREME, there is legendary — and then there is Iggy Pop. Beginning in his earliest days with the Stooges taunting Ann Arbor frat boys and small town Michigan folk, Iggy made an art of excess: self-mutilation, self-exposure and self-destruction. His risky theatricality required an audience to respond, participate or get the heck out of there. And the sex and violence hardly stopped after the show was over."- this is how Rolling Stone described Iggy Pop and tbh this is a very Venusian description

In 1974, at his first solo concert dubbed The Murder of a Virgin. "Do you want to see blood?" Iggy asked the crowd, which howled affirmatively back at him. Then, at Iggy's urging, guitarist Ron Asheton, wearing a Nazi outfit, whipped Iggy repeatedly. Iggy began hurling racial epithets at a black spectator, hoping to goad the man into stabbing him with the steak knife he'd brought onstage. No luck, so he closed the set by carving an X into his chest himself.

Marilyn Manson- Purvashadha Sun

He has struggled with self harm in the past (there are images online if you're interested) and in 2013, he tried to simulate self harm on stage by holding a knife to his wrist in the middle of a performance??

Christina Ricci- Purvashadha Moon

Ricci has said she suffered from anorexia as a teenager and was sexually assaulted as a child. “There was no discussion at that time about trauma, and about recovering from those things, about PTSD,” she said. As a result, she ended up “acting out and coping in ways that weren't good."

Robert Downey Jr- Bharani Moon, Mars in Purvaphalguni

its pretty well known that RDJ was severely addicted to drugs at one point and it started when he was a child and drugs was given to him by his dad:///

Megan Fox- Purvashadha Rising

"I have body dysmorphia — I don't ever see myself the way other people see me," Fox said. "There's never a point in my life where I loved my body, never, ever." "When I was little, that was an obsession I had of, like, but I should look this way,"

‘However, at a certain point, I went through some trauma in childhood and I developed a pretty severe eating disorder and manic depression, which runs in my family, so there was definitely some wrestling with chemical imbalance going on,’ she shared.

its interesting how so many of these natives begin struggling with these issues very early in life

Colin Farrell- Purvashadha Rising, Jupiter conjunct Ketu in Bharani

While he did not say that he had cut himself when he was younger, Colin Farrell had some self-inflicting behavior during his younger days. He spoke on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and said that he used to actually enjoy pulling out huge tufts of his hair. 

Pete Davidson- Purvaashadha Rising

'I used to bang my head against walls,' he admitted. 'If I couldn't deal with something -- if someone told me something sad or something I couldn't deal with I would bang my head against the wall, hoping I'd pass out because I didn't want to be in that situation because I couldn't handle that.

Melanie Lynskey- Bharani Moon

“I stopped throwing up, mostly. It took a while. But that was a big one. I had, for a very long time, been on this diet that was basically 800 calories a day, and if I ate anything over 800 calories, I would throw up,” she said. “I was never bingey. Sometimes I’d be starving, and I’d have another teacup of Special K. Then I’d be like, ‘Well, now I gotta throw it up.’”

Tila Tequila- Purvaphalguni Moon

On March 7, 2012, it was reported that Tequila had agreed to check into rehab after having reportedly "almost died" from an attempted suicide by overdosing on pills. The incident caused her to be hospitalized for a brain aneurysm. Tequila completed her rehab treatment on April 5, 2012.

Jeffree Star- Purvashadha Moon

images of him self harming once went viral

Till Lindemann- Purvashadha Sun

he's known for his SH scars and has even written poems about it in German??? its called "The poems: Knives on silent nights"

Portia de Rossi- Rahu in Purvashadha 2h

she's struggled with an eating disorder

Padma Lakshmi- Purvaphalguni Sun & Moon

"When filming "Top Chef," I consume about 5,000 to 8,000 calories a day,'' she wrote. "I typically gain anywhere from 10 to 17 pounds every season. Once I get home, what's taken me six weeks to gain takes me 12 weeks to take off. It's always a nail-biting extravaganza at fittings, praying that a few pretty dresses that came down the runway on a teenage model who is a size 0 will miraculously fit my 40-something body,'' she wrote. "Getting ready for the Emmys is always fun, and it's truly an honor to be nominated. But at the same time, in spite of my high metabolism, I worry each year that I'm not going to fit into anything nice. So, this year, I've decided my weight will not be my focus,'' she wrote. "If I need a bigger dress, so be it. That one day — or any day — on the red carpet isn't nearly as important as making sure my daughter doesn't measure her worth by her dress size."

i guess this is a more positive manifestation of Venusian self image struggles

Jessica Alba- Bharani Stellium (Sun, Mercury & Venus)

“I was meant to feel ashamed if I tempted men,” she said. “Then I stopped eating a lot when I became an actress. I made myself look more like a boy so I wouldn’t get as much attention.”

Katie Couric- Purvashadha Sun

“I wrestled with bulimia all through college and for two years after that,” she shared with Lovato while interviewing her, per Glamour. “I know this rigidity, this feeling that if you eat one thing that’s wrong, you’re full of self-loathing and then you punish yourself, whether it’s one cookie or a stick of gum that isn’t sugarless, that I would sometimes beat myself up for that. How do you have a healthy relationship with food, and say, ‘You know what, I can have one cookie and it’s OK?’ That is such a huge thing for people who wrestle with this.”

Zayn Mailk- Purvaphalguni Moon

 In his 2016 autobiography, Zayn, he shared it would sometimes cause him to go two or three days without eating a single bite of food. “Something I’ve never talked about in public before, but which I have come to terms with since leaving the band, is that I was suffering from an eating disorder. It got quite serious, although at the time I didn’t recognize it for what it was,” he wrote. “When I look back at images of myself—before the final tour—I can see how ill I was. The workload and the pace of life on the road put together with the pressures and strains of everything going on within the band had badly affected my eating habits. Food was something I could control, so I did.”

Zoe Kravitz- Purvaphalguni Moon conjunct Ketu

“I think it was part of being a woman, and being surrounded by [fame],” she said. “I think it was definitely about being around that world, seeing that world. I felt pressured.” After playing an anorexic character in a movie, she hit her lowest of lows and was so malnourished that her immune system shut down. Months later, she decided to make a change. “I just felt it was different,” she said. “I don’t know… if a f—king spirit came over me and said: ‘You have to stop.’”

Mel C, Purvaphalguni Rising

"When I was in the Spice Girls, the stress of suddenly being thrust into the limelight led me into an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise,” she told The Mirror in 2012. “I became obsessed about what I ate and I cut lots of food groups, like carbs and protein, out of my diet. I survived on fruit and vegetables and little else.”

Nicole Scherzinger- Mars conjunct Rising in Purvaphalguni

"I really struggled with feeling like I fit in. I even had a hard time feeling like I fit into my own skin. I was really hard on myself and had a lot of struggles with self-esteem and a lot of insecurities,” she said. “Later on, that resulted in me having eating disorders because of my body dysmorphia.”

if you're reading this and struggling, you're not alone. please get help!! its not too late to turn things around!! youre so strong and you can do this!!

#venus #purvaphalguni #bharani #purvashadha #astrology notes #vedic astro notes #astrology observations #nakshatras #sidereal astrology #astrology #astro notes #astro observations #vedic astrology #astroblr

[schizoidvision]

4 Reasons Schizoids With Anhedonia Can Still Have a Strong Survival Instinct

Schizoid personality disorder is a complex and multifaceted condition that contains many paradoxes. This is primarily related to the internal fragmentation of the self and inner splits between different aspects of their being. One seemingly contradictory aspect is related to why schizoid individuals who experience anhedonia can still possess such a strong survival instinct. This can be partially explained by their heightened sensitivity to safety. This article aims to explore the relationship between anhedonia, the survival instinct, and the schizoid's underlying safety sensitivity.

1. Understanding Anhedonia in Schizoids

Anhedonia, in essence, is the inability or diminished capacity to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable. For the schizoid individual, this might manifest in a lack of interest in social interactions, hobbies, or even basic human experiences. With such a significant reduction in the pleasure derived from life's experiences, one might assume that the will to live or survive would be diminished. However, the schizoid dynamic is far more nuanced.

2. Schizoid Inner Pleasures

Anhedonia is related to the lack of pleasure from engaging in activities. However, because schizoids live primarily in their heads, their main source of pleasure tends to come from thinking, rather than taking action. Schizoids tend to be creative and have a rich inner world, from which they may derive a lot of pleasure. For some schizoids, pleasure is derived from being a passive observer of the world. This means that even with anhedonia, there is potential for gaining worthwhile pleasure from being in existence.

3. The Strong Survival Instinct

Despite their emotional detachment and diminished drive due to anhedonia, many schizoids exhibit a strong survival instinct. This means that survival doesn't necessarily stem from a passion for life, as experienced by many neurotypical individuals. Instead, it may be rooted in a fundamental desire for self preservation and safety. The world, as perceived through the lens of a schizoid, can often seem threatening or overwhelming. This perspective, combined with their inherent desire to avoid harm, means that survival is not just about living for external rewards, but about preserving a state of safety and true self survival. It's not merely a biological impulse, but a deeply ingrained psychological need.

4. Schizoid Safety Sensitivity and Defenses

Central to understanding the schizoid survival instinct is the concept of their underlying safety sensitivity, which may be conscious or unconscious. This sensitivity to safety isn't just about physical harm but extends to emotional and psychological well-being. Therefore, schizoids often feel a pressing need to protect their true self from the outer world. The external world, with its demands, judgments, and potential threats, is navigated with caution. Any threat to their well-guarded inner sanctuary is met with a strong defense mechanism, whether that's through withdrawal, avoidance, distancing, or masking. By avoiding negative attention, they safeguard their inner world from external threats.

Summary…

The schizoid personality with its complex thought processes, behaviors, and feelings, defies simplistic explanations. Their strong survival instinct, despite experiencing anhedonia, is a testament to the human psyche's resilience and adaptability. For the schizoid, the world is a complex puzzle of potential threats and safe havens, with survival not just being about life but about the preservation of their true self. As we seek to understand those with schizoid dynamics, it's of value to approach their experiences with empathy and open-mindedness, recognizing the depth and richness of their internal worlds and the strength it takes to navigate a world that often feels overwhelming.

Video From My YouTube Channel: The Schizoid Defense

#schizoid #schizoid dynamics #schizoid pd #schizoid personality disorder #schizoid vision #cluster a #schizoid adaptations #szpd #anhedonia

[alovesongtheywrote]

can we pleaseeee have a pt.2 to nightmare academia bc THOSE TWO HAVE SO MUCH TENSION???!!!!!

♥ Summary:  abso-fucking-lutely you can. here's reid's proper response to the typewriter incident(s) [Prof!Spencer Reid x GN-Prof!Reader]

♥ Warnings: discussions of sex, but no actual smut. arguing. spencer's a little mean, but shit, so's the reader. crim and psych facts. this is another 1000 words of the reader being a brat and reid losing his cool over it

♥ A/N: i still don't know when this is. if you have ideas, lmk, but again, im thinking it's right after s9.

♥ Word Count: 1646

Series Masterlist

♥♥♥

Yeah, so, about three weeks later, your students started breaking down again. You had to wonder if Dr. Reid was actually some sort of closet sadist who enjoyed watching his students break down. You tried to shake that thought from your head. He had been an FBI agent, after all!

If he was a sadist, he wouldn’t have left the FBI.  

You reached your sobbing student quota of seven faster this time- though in at least one instance, the student apologized for Reid.

“He’s a good professor,” they said, curling up in a hard plastic chair that was not meant to be curled up in, “He’s just really bad at technology.”

You couldn’t help but agree. The students you had in common with Reid were incredibly insightful when they spoke in class- specifically on topics that the doctor would have touched on. Despite that, you could only have so many students come to you on the brink of collapse without doing something about it.

So. You brought the typewriter out again.

-

Spencer had tried to do the whole laptop thing. He really had. However, when the time came for one of his classes to submit an assignment, half of that class presented him with links to Google Documents that he couldn’t access. And this was after he requested PDFs!

After a weekend of writing emails, making repeated calls to Penelope Garcia, and lying facedown on the couch trying to fight off a migraine, Reid gave up on the technology thing. He banished laptops from his classroom once more. He told himself he just wouldn’t let the typewriter bother him. He wouldn’t let you bother him. At least, you wouldn’t bother him as much as emails did.

Then he got to class.

“So, when we look at externalizing disorders-”

Click, click, click, click, click.

“As the name would suggest-” 

Click, click, click, click, click.

“These are the issues that manifest externally-”

Click, click, click, click, click.

“Maladaptive behaviours caused by externalizing disorders impact the environment-”

Click, click, click, click, click.

“While internalizing disorders do not, generally, cause crime-”

Click, click, click, click, click.

“Externalizing disorders-”

Click, click, click, ding!

“Son of a bitch-!”

Reid’s students watched as their usually composed professor began to fray at the edges. His long fingers ran through his hair, messing up his already messy curls. He ignored the way some strands landed in front of his eyes- how could he pay attention to that? He was too focused on not screaming in frustration. Reid pulled off his cardigan almost forcefully and threw it on his chair. His body felt too warm, his skin a prison and his ribs a furnace. He crossed his arms, bringing one hand up to press his fingers against his brow.  

He stood like that for a few moments, catching his breath, reminding himself that he wasn’t supposed to let you get to him.  

When Spencer tried to profile you, he saw a respected professional who genuinely cared about their students- so much so that you went out of your way to interfere with his classroom policies. He didn’t know why you cared so much. Most professors wanted to see their students succeed to a degree, but you seemed to have it out for him, specifically.  

Maybe it was his anti-tech policies. Maybe it was just something about him.  Spencer knew he was a difficult person to be around. You wouldn’t be the first person who couldn’t stand him because of things that were just intrinsic parts of his being. You definitely wouldn’t be the first person to be annoyed by him. Whatever it was, he was going to figure it out- even if he had to return to your office to do it.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me. Returning to externalizing disorders-”

Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. DING.

You were going to be the death of Spencer Reid.

-

That evening, you caught Reid just outside your office, typewriter held aloft in his arms. You didn’t try to get the door for him.

“Well, hello Doctor Reid! Is there anything I can help you with?”

Reid didn’t bother with pleasantries. He got right to the point, “Why are you doing this?”

You played dumb- it was one of your favourite things to play, “Whatever do you mean, Doctor? I’m just supplying my students with the tools they need to learn. Do you have a problem with that?”

Reid pulled his lips together and frowned. He looked a little bit like a frog- or perhaps a sad chipmunk. You refused to admit that the exasperated expression on his face was kind of cute.

“Don’t play dumb with me, I know you’re smarter than this. What could you possibly stand to gain from irritating me incessantly?”

“Why don’t you profile me about it, FBI guy?” you raised your eyebrows, very clearly mocking his previous line of work as you relaxed against the door.

“Okay,” Reid grit his teeth, re-adjusting his grip on the typewriter. If you wanted to play this game, he would play, “You’re irritating me out of a strange mix of genuine concern for your students, and what appears to be a desperate need for attention. Maybe your parents didn’t focus on you enough during your childhood. Maybe you feel inferior in your work, so you’re taking it out on me. Either way, it’s kind of sad.”

Your eyes narrowed. A vein in your jaw twitched. Your mouth turned downward into a scowl as you tried very hard to pretend that you didn’t feel just a little inferior in your work. And hey, even if you did, that had nothing to do with this. He was wrong- not entirely- but enough to keep you steady.  

You knew you were playing a dangerous game.

“For a profiler, that was a pretty shit assessment. What I stand to gain isn’t attention. If I wanted your attention, I would have it. What I gain is a student body that’s further than two inches from collapse,” you leaned back against the door again, keeping him out and forcing him to keep the typewriter in his arms.

“What about you, Doctor?” you hissed, “What could you possibly stand to gain from murdering your students by way of lead poisoning?”

“Lead hasn’t been used in the creation of pencils since 1978, and the amount of lead paint a person could ingest by chewing the paint off a pencil wouldn’t be lethal. Try harder.”

“‘Try harder,’ he tells me. Fine. You aren’t a sadist and you aren’t going for mass murder by way of pencil.  Maybe you’re just a huge asshole, but if you were, that reputation would precede you. I’m out of ideas, so just tell me.  Why stop with the tech? It looked like it was working.”

“It wasn’t, not that that’s your business,” Reid adjusted his stance, trying to take a defensive stance without dropping the typewriter, “And how do you know I’m not a sadist? That’s a pretty big inference considering we’ve only worked together for a few months.”

“If you were a sadist, you would’ve stayed in the position that gave you the most power over other people. University professor is not that position.”

Reid went silent for a second. Then, to your surprise, he gave you a straight answer, “The laptops worked until I assigned a paper. I received broken links, inaccessible files, and a migraine.”

You paused, squinting at him slightly, “It was Google Docs, wasn’t it? They all sent in links to Google Docs?”

Reid paused, tilting his head like a confused puppy. What a fucking asshole, looking so fucking adorable while being a huge dick. Maybe that was on you. You had to stop comparing him to cute things.

“How did you know?”

“Because college kids have the capacity for massive stupidity. Did you specify what format you wanted?”

“Of course I did, I’m a professional.”

“Uh-huh,” you didn’t seem to believe him, “Well, even if you did, some of your students are gonna fuck it up.”

“How?! I stated it multiple times-!”

“Well, forgive the rest of the world for not having IQs in the thousands and eidetic memories. Some of us forget things, Professor.”

“It’s 187.”

“Excuse me?”

“My IQ, it’s 18-”

“Anyone who actually tries to measure intelligence with IQ is fucking unintelligent, and not worth my time. Give me my typewriter and get out of my office.”

“We aren’t in your office.”

“Give me! My typewriter! And get out! Of my office!!”

When he still didn’t move, you seized the typewriter from him and hissed, “Out!! Away with you now!! Don’t make me bite you, because I swear to god-”

Reid put his hands up in surrender, stepping back and heading down the hallway. The second you were out of sight, he pulled out his phone. Emails were a no-go, but a call? That he could manage.

“Hey, Garcia? I need you to do a background check on someone for me… what? No, this isn’t about the PDFs! I need everything you have on Professor (Y/N) (L/N).”

-

Meanwhile, across town in a bar that just so happened to be very popular with college kids, a certain group of students sat.  This group had one major thing in common- they shared two specific professors.

“So, profs (L/N) and Reid are fucking, right?”

“If they aren’t already, they will be soon enough.  Did you see him lose it over the typewriter in class today?  He said an actual swear.  Fucking nuts.”

“That was kind of hot, I’ll be honest.”

“It was- but I’ll bet you anything that (L/N) tops.”

“You’re a degenerate.  I’ll bet ten on those odds.”

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x gn!reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #x reader

[kindnessoverperfection]

Feel free to ignore this, but I'm a disabled writer who tends to focus on representation in my works, and I came across your posts about having npd while doing research for a side character in a story of mine. I really appreciate you taking the time to write out a description of npd that shows the roots of the issues and the way they affect the people who have it rather than how outsiders perceive it. I just wanted to ask if there were any traits of npd that you personally would like to see in npd representation/ if you have any thoughts on how you'd like to see characters with npd represented in media? I know at current there's basically no positive npd rep, which sucks for sure, but in a hypothetical situation where there was a character with npd who wasn't villianized for it, what sort of aspects of npd would be comforting for you to see reflected in a story?

Once again, feel free to ignore this ask if I'm overstepping at all, and I hope you have a wonderful day <3

Hi!! ♡ Apologies for the late reply, I wasn't on tumblr for a few days, then my alter was out for the next couple days and I wanted to be the one to respond-

I really appreciate that you're taking the time to research and create thoughtful representation, and I'm glad my posts could offer some help with that!

My first two thoughts are:

Characters whose symptoms present differently than the common portrayal of NPD

It's super common for people to not recognize NPD because they have this very limited view of what it is and how it can present - so it would be nice to see representation that shows variety in the way it can manifest.

For example, it's actually very common for someone with the disorder to primarily "lash in" rather than "lash out", but I never see that represented (intentionally, at least).

There's also a very limited perception of narcissistic characters being blatantly arrogant, grandiose, braggy, selfish, power-hungry, etc. But really, there's an unlimited number of ways someone can present outwardly, because the only thing that's crucial to the diagnosis is the internal experience - how if affects the person who has it. How they appear outwardly to others can vary wildly.

(I'll admit, some of these "stereotypical NPD" characters feel very relatable due to shared symptoms and vibes and power fantasies. To the extent that I have one of them as my pfp on some accounts lol. But if you met me IRL, my vibes are just "confident and bubbly, polite, quiet and distant, fashion-oriented, straight A student, cutesy, braggy, adventurous", and I always make the effort to be kind to people even though I can be somewhat distant and goal-oriented.)

It's also common to think of someone "flying into a rage" when they feel criticized - but anger (whether external or internal) isn't an inherent part of it. The issue is that someone perceives criticism as a threat, so their fight/flight/freeze/fawn response kicks in, and there's a large multitude of ways that can show up.

(Personally, I go into either fight or fawn mode. But the vast majority of the anger I've felt has been entirely self-directed, manifesting in the form of self-criticism, self-hatred, self-destruction, overworking, eating disorders, etc. I will occasionally feel outwards anger, but when I do, I give myself time and space to process it by myself so that I don't upset anyone. And even for those who feel external anger much more often than I do, it doesn't mean they'll express it in an aggressive or harmful way.)

tldr; I'd love to see a variety of outwards presentations, with the NPD being shown via their internal experience, rather than only displayed through stereotypical external behaviors.

2. Humanization for characters with NPD who make mistakes

People with NPD are human just like everyone else, which means that mistakes happen. Everyone accidentally fucks up, hurts someone, lacks self-awareness in certain areas, etc.

The level and type of interpersonal struggles, and the reasons behind these struggles, are all across the board. That's understood with any other disorder (or any sort of identity), but there's so much extra baggage and stigma applied when NPD is involved for some reason.

So for characters with NPD with higher interpersonal conflict, I'd want them to be humanized in the same way that anyone else with any other identity would be humanized. And I'd also want it shown that characters who don't have NPD can have high interpersonal conflict as well, that it's not limited to this disorder.

"what sort of aspects of npd would be comforting for you to see reflected in a story?"

In terms of specific aspects-

Personally, I'd love to see a character who like... tries to be perfect. Is externally very put-together in some way - maybe they're very kind and soft-spoken and sweet, or they're silly and happy and energetic, or they're quiet and serious and protective, or calm and mysterious and self-assured, doesn't matter. But everything seems okay on the surface.

But internally, they put so much pressure on themself. They hold themself to impossible standards, and feel like they HAVE to be seen a certain way and never show weakness. They have to handle everything perfectly. Just... so many symptoms and struggles that are hurting them internally, and overtime it ends up bubbling out in small ways, or like. Tbh I'd love it if someone would just... notice.

Notice the perfect bubbly happy straight-A student who's always kind and never shares their own opinions. Notice the quiet, highly-skilled protector of the group who somehow always knows the right thing to say and the right way to act.

And give them permission to be imperfect. To be human. Show them that they aren't their reputation or their skills or how impressive they are, they're so much more than that.

They can see the pain they're in, and instead of treating them as this untouchable perfect being, they treat them in a human way.

The super bubbly character seems completely unaffected by recent tragedy? Okay. Their friend doesn't ignore that. They don't push and prod, but they don't ignore it. They sit with them, spend time with them, hold them, they know it affected them.

I'm imagining a scene where the character w/NPD fucks up somehow, and they seem fine, but someone close to them suddenly Realizes and they just. Go to find them. And they're just having a massive breakdown, but the moment they see their friend, they quickly try and shove everything under the surface and act cool and unaffected and "normal", but their friend goes over and just holds them and. Ungh. 10/10

Couple months ago I did actually see an episode of a show like that, and both times I watched it, I bawled my fuckin eyes out lol.

Different people may have different answers in terms of what they'd feel most comforted by, but for me personally, I'd love this so much, because this is how I present and I desperately want to be Seen and Loved and have someone see my self-worth as being inherent and not tied into how "perfect" I am.

Closing thoughts:

Personally, there's not much that I'd feel offended by. To be honest, in addition to characters who fit the above points (various presentations, average-level interpersonal conflict, etc.), I also write characters who have that "stereotypical" presentation. I don't think there's anything wrong with it as long as it's not done maliciously, especially if there's other types of characters shown. (Similar to having both gay villains and gay protagonists or side characters, y'know)

The only thing I'd dislike / that would hurt my feelings is like... seeing a character be heavily demonized for their traits*, or the only characters with NPD being horribly abusive, or the usage of stigmatizing language (aka, if the character is spoken about the way buzzfeed articles speak about us).

*aka, demonized for the symptoms. Totally fine if someone does something shitty and it's pointed out as being shitty / if people dislike them for that lol.

Hopefully this isn't getting too long, but to give an example of what I mean, something I saw that did hurt my feelings was like-

There was an episode of a show where a character got super braggy and confident, and was relishing in the praise and admiration she was getting. Hinging her self-worth on that recognition and success. And her friends got annoyed and pissed off, simply because she was braggy. There were a couple of things here and there she did that were kind of insensitive, but that was never really pointed out or seen as the main issue, it was only her bragging that was being demonized for some reason.

And then her friends all ganged up behind her back and did something to intentionally trigger a crash and make her feel insecure and terrible about herself, all to "knock her down a peg". And the narrative framed that as being justified, framed her friends as being correct in this situation. They never once showed concern for her mental health or the fact that she was hinging her self-worth on other people's opinions of her, they tore her down for her bragging instead of either a) supporting and uplifting her, or b) showing concern for unhealthy mindsets, and they never even tried to approach her or communicate with her about the things she was doing that actually were insensitive.

Hopefully that wasn't too much of a tangent lol, but that's the type of thing I mean by "being demonized for their traits". Hate when all a character is doing is bragging and feeling good about themself and the narrative frames them in an extremely negative light for it :(

Okay I will wrap up the post here as it's already pretty long, but hopefully this helped a bit!! Thank you for the question, and good luck with your writing! ^^

#actuallynpd #writing #npd representation

[multiplicity-positivity]

Establishing Contact with Headmates

Hello everyone! Not sure if we’ve ever made a post like this before, but I wanted to put together a post with tips on establishing contact with alters for those who suspect they may be a system or have a complex dissociative disorder.

This is written with folks with DID in mind, but this advice may be useful for systems of any sort!

So you think you may be a system. You may have had one-off interactions with an alter, experienced auditory or visual “hallucinations” that manifest from inside, deal with unexplained time loss and memory gaps, lack a solid sense of self, feel disconnected from your body and reality, find yourself spacing out or daydreaming often, understand you have a significant trauma history (even if you can’t remember what the trauma was), or feel like you’re not alone in your own head. You’re not sure if you may be plural, and want to determine whether or not you’re alone in your own mind.

If any of this describes you, we have some advice that may help you learn more about your system and connect with your headmates. Here are some things you can try that may help.

1. Attempt to establish a connection internally.

Explore the possibility of not being the only presence inside your mind. In a calm, safe environment, reach out with messages inside, and see if you get anything in response. Ask internally things like “is there anyone else here?” “Am I alone inside my mind?” Provide reassurance that any potential alters are safe and that you can be trusted.

Accept the fact that you may not hear from anyone straight away. Alters may be scared to come forward or reveal themselves, you may have heavy dissociative barriers, or it may take time to build up trust. Make a habit of reaching out once or twice a day. Try not to be pushy, angry, or quick to become frustrated - if it gets overwhelming, take a step back to cool off. Understand that change does not happen overnight, and if you have alters, it will take some time to build a base of communication between each other.

2. Attempt to establish a connection externally.

In addition to reaching out in your mind, try writing notes to potential alters. This can be in a Google Doc, a journal, post-it notes, the notes app on your phone, or anywhere else. Encourage potential alters to write back, reminding them that they are safe, there’s no pressure to come forward quickly, and that you are trustworthy and capable of creating a comfortable environment for them.

Consider setting up a PluralKit or TupperBox on Discord. These programs allow you to set up multiple profiles that act as bots, allowing one account to share many profiles and post from each one separately. Set up a server for yourself, and post instructions in the server on how to create a PluralKit or TupperBox profile. That way, an alter who fronts later can make their own profile if they wish. This can allow you and your alters to communicate externally and learn more about each other.

3. Ask for help outside.

If you feel like you may be a system, it could be helpful to try broaching the subject with an individual you know well and trust. Be careful who you share this information with! Talking about the system with potential abusers or individuals who have harmed you in the past may cause internal strife and discourage headmates from wanting to get in touch with you.

Ask a friend or loved one if they’ve noticed you acting strange or differently in the past. Have they noticed you spacing out or dissociating, speaking in an unusual tone or accent, or acting in ways that are normally uncharacteristic for you? Can they shed light on your past and reveal aspects of yourself that you had forgotten or never known about? Being able to discuss this with someone else may help shake an alter loose, or could help make it clear whether or not you’re a system.

4. Seek therapy.

Better still than speaking to a friend or loved one is speaking to a therapist. Therapists are trained mental health professionals who are equipped with tools to help struggling individuals with a wide variety of mental illnesses. Even if you are functioning excellently and feel like you don’t suffer from any mental illness, if you’re wondering if you have headmates, it may be a good idea to try talking about it with a therapist.

Of course, a specialist in trauma and dissociation would be preferred (especially if you exhibit symptoms of dissociation or PTSD), but any therapist should be able to help you make sense of what’s going on in your mind.

If you have faced religious trauma in the past, please avoid seeking help from a faith-based therapist. If you have faced trauma from teachers, guidance counselors, or other school staff, please avoid seeking help from a school-based therapist. This is in order to keep your system safe, and to reassure your headmates that you do not wish to retraumatize them or put them in harm’s way.

Remember that therapists are humans without superpowers. They are capable of malpractice, misdiagnosis, and personal bias. If you do not mesh or click well with your therapist, it’s absolutely okay to leave them and find another one. Trust does not come immediately in therapy, and it may take some time working with a therapist before you feel comfortable enough to bring up the possibility of plurality. That’s perfectly normal and nothing to be concerned about! Take your time, be as open and honest as you can, and trust your instincts.

Hopefully these tips can help you reach out to potential alters, build trust and connection, and learn more about yourself in the process! If it turns out you’re not a system after all, that’s okay, and it means a lot that it’s an experience you’d be open to learning more about and exploring.

Remember to be PUNK to yourself and your potential system - show patience, understanding, neutrality, and kindness to yourself as you go through this process! Thanks so much for reading - we wish you all health and safety in your future and hope you have a lovely day!

#multiplicity #pluralgang #plurality #actuallyplural #system communication #internal communication #meeting alters #questioning system #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #long post

[crystalandbow]

MANIFESTATION BLOG🪽

| DELULU IS THE SOLULU|

Read about schizophrenia, beliefs and how to manifest, also includes a mini activity 🤍

Welcome to the very first blog🫂 & let's begin!!

I wanted to share something different from what we all have been listening/reading about beliefs system, I thought this was a great example to share to help you guys understand how much of an influence of mind's beliefs influence our reality and that is why it's so important to make it work with us.Please use this writing as a source of motivation for manifestation, instead of trying to find faults in it.

Lets understand this using an example of a schizophrenic.

Schizophrenia is a mental disorder characterized by a range of symptoms, including hallucinations (perceiving things that aren't real), delusions (fixed false beliefs), disorganized thinking, grossly disorganized or abnormal motor behavior, and negative symptoms (such as diminished emotional expression or avolition).

For our purpose we will focus on hallucinations and delusions

Delusions are beliefs that one perceives to be true despite conflicting evidences. Eg: believing one is being targeted or harmed by others even though there is no one doing so.

Hallucinations can be visual (seeing things in the absence of it) auditory (hearing sounds and noises that are absent) olfactory (sensing smells that aren't present) gustatory (perceiving tastes in the absence of any stimuli) tactile (feeling sensations on the skin, like tingling, burning, or insects crawling, without any external cause) somatic (Sensations involving the body, such as feeling internal organs moving or being touched, despite no external interaction.)

We call them crazy, because we see otherwise but to them it's their reality. To them the thought that someone watching them is true they might even "see" them, when in actuality it is just a hallucination. They don't see things because they exist, they see it because that is what they believe in.

So what are you trying to say crystal?

To conclude we can say that when you start believing in something you start to see proof of those things in your life. So stay delulu and feed yourself positivity 🤍

what do we have to do?

Well this taught us that if we deeply believe in something we will start to see proof, even if it's not real. Just try to think of times when you believed in something and started to see results. So work on your belief system in order to manifest!!! This is also the very base of the law of assumption or fake it till you make it technique of manifestation. (For those who don't know the law of assumption it is the law where you manifest your desires by the assumption/belief that you already have it) We can use this to manifest our dream life. All you have to do is deeply believe in it, you have to repeat the same story to yourself again & again. After a point you will get used to it.

Here is a mini activity to try!

So here's what you're gonna do for a week

Firstly Set a goal! (it could be to feel pretty or feel happier or anything else but I like to believe that whenever you try a new manifestation technique aim for something small because you'll have less resistance)

Prep time (Now think of a time when you felt like that (pretty or happy or whatever you chose. If you are trying to manifest money, think about all the times you received money.Its okay to fake the mindset or create a fake story but just believe think that it actually happened)

Build a mindset (tell yourself how lucky you are & how the universe just fucking loves you so much. The universe just loves to spoil you, how easy manifestation is for you, tell yourself how you don't even need to "manifest" anything anymore because everything just flows to you naturally)

story time (this step involves you using the above 2 steps, use all those instances from stage 2 to build the mindset from stage 3 (keep telling yourself how easy it is for you to manifest)

REPEAT (actually the most important! Repeat step 4 every single minute, while eating, while drinking, while breathing, while sleeping. Stay fucking obsessed with it as if it's your crush. Keep telling yourself the same story obsessively and just believe in it for a week!!

we will do this activity together! I will post a reminder everyday for a week!

Please share your thoughts on this!

EDIT: THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU START ACTING LIKE A SCHIZOPHRENIC, IT IS JUST AN EXAMPLE TO SHOW THE POWER OF THE MIND & BELIEVING !!!!!

I'm not trying to promote schizophrenia or acting like a schizophrenic. please schizophrenia is a mental illness, it is NOT cool! And please seek out a mental health professional if needed!

#affirm and persist #manifest abundance #affirmations #law of assumption #law of attraction #law of manifestation #loa #loa affirmations #loa assumptions #manifestation blog #manifesation #manifest desires #neville goddard #loa advice #loassumption #loa blog #loa tumblr #desired life #psychology #law of karma #law of assumption tips #law of abundance #law of affirmation #spirituality #manifestation advice #loa tips #subliminal #manifestation challenge #affirmyourreality #manifestation

[dodgeryy]

Having a PD means never being able to express your support needs without being sen as evil and manipulative. Even when other mental illnesses require the same support.

Example: You are going to a big and your friend expresses that they have anxiety and they ask you to check up on them throughout the night and not leave them alone with these people they don't know to quell their anxiety and avoid a panic attack.

Generally not frowned upon! If you're in a space to help, help!

Uh oh... here comes the plot twist the anxiety is manifesting as a symptom of their NPD. They want to enjoy this party with you but their emotional dysregulation and reaction to external stimuli means that depending on who's at this party they could have a really bad time. And they don't know! And that's anxiety inducing. Suddenly, even though this is a real anxiety and a stressor for them because the anxiety is rooted NPD they're more likely to be met with adverse response instead of support.

This goes for basically all other personality disorders. Persotypicals have this weird fucking idea that PD brains simply cannot experience life without praying on other people. Sometimes support is just support yall. You're not being vampired. Be nice.

PWPDs also struggle to ask for support bc they've been told that they're support needs are predatory and manipulative and either don't think they deserve support, or are scared of the response.

#life of ery #borderline #actually bpd #bpd #cluster b #mental health #npd #actually npd #narccisist #cluster a #cluster c #destigmatize npd #npd safe #pd safe

[sophieinwonderland]

Everyone on Reddit is saying that tulpa persecutors are psychosis just because they aren’t good tulpas, please talk about it, this opinion is harmful to both psychotic people and persecutor tulpas. Thank you /gen

Oh. This.

I mean, in truth, I have mixed feelings about this.

I believe tulpa persecutors can exist. But as far as I'm aware, there are two main ways they tend to come about.

The first is a positive relationship with a headmate that later becomes hostile due to some sort of unresolved internal conflict over a long period of time.

Or, more often, a persecutor is partially-intentionally made as a persecutor. This can either be by talking to an inner critic or negative part of yourself until it becomes sapient without knowing what you're doing, or by making a headmate that's supposed to be critical of you because that's what you think is healthiest at the time. (Only to learn that maybe this was a bad idea later.)

Otherwise, I find tulpa persecutors to be rare. Maybe not impossible, but not common either since tulpas tend to bond pretty closely to their creators at the time of their creation when shown love and affection.

So I do think that if someone says they have a persecutory voice, it's often best to recommend they look into mental illnesses and seek treatment.

HOWEVER, I dislike how the push in the tulpamancy community is often towards psychotic disorders.

A lot of voice hearing experienced by people who say they have tulpas are more likely to be dissociative rather than psychotic.

Here are a couple tables comparing voice hearing in DID and OSDD to schizophrenia. (There are two schizophrenia groups, one with maltreatment and one without.)

Not many of these points can be used to determine the difference between dissociative and psychotic voices alone, but there are several points that can help at least.

The DID voices are more likely to show self-awareness and talk about themselves in relation to the hosts.

They're MUCH more likely to start before adulthood, and it's likely some voices present will be child voices.

There's usually more than two voices present in DID.

They're more likely to be accompanied by headaches.

They're more likely to be accompanied by other hallucinations (visual, tactile, olfactory, gustatory, etc.)

On the other hand, while both groups tend to experiences voices as "internal" a lot, there's a small group of people with Schizophrenia who only experience external voices. (28% and 19% for Schizophrenia groups vs 3% for DID groups.) If someone falls into this category, it's much more likely their voices psychotic.

Note: These statistics only apply to Schizophrenia and DID. Caution is advised when extrapolating any DID statistics to OSDD or Partial DID, as well as extrapolating data on Schizophrenia to other psychotic disorders.

Overall though, I feel there needs to be a lot more education of voice hearing and how it typically manifests in different disorders, as well as how it manifests in non-disordered experiences.

#syscourse #tulpamancy #schizophrenia #tulpa #psychotic disorders #plural #plurality #endogenic #multiplicity #systems #pro endo #endogenic system #mental illness #plural system #pro endogenic #sysblr #mental health #psychiatry #psychology #actually a system

[tuesday-teyz]

Hello! I love Butterfly reign, it has pretty much taken over my mind, I think almost everyday about the story and characters!

And I wonder if Theseus refers in his mind to himself as Tommy or if that is just your writing style because of the real Tommy's name not being Theseus.

I think it's like this: Theseus is how he identifies interacting with the external world, as the crown prince, and Tommy is how he identifies himself internally that he can't really show, because no one else (other than Eryn) knows he has that second name and he has to be a good crown prince.

It's not like a personality disorder but more like your serious work attitude and your "I'm alone I can be myself" attitude.

I wonder what your thoughts are on it and what your vision is?

Hi, I love this theory! Though you get the psychological aspect of the matter right, Tommy is actually a name someone has given to him at one point, and the name he had stuck with mentally ever since. It's a very crucial plot point who came up with it and why, so I cannot give any hints or spoilers. Now as to why he separates Tommy and Theseus – it is indeed a protective mechanism of sort. If you pay close attention, Tommy tends to refer to Theseus as a separate entity that occasionally takes over him when he needs to do something that generally goes against his moral principles. It's the 'evil' version of him so to speak, manifestation of him from three years ago, and you're going to learn why this period he associates with being at his most cruel and heartless

#br asks

[the-duchess-of-domination]

TW for ED/ARFID talk

I'm severely emetophobic (to the point of ARFID) yet I love tummies so much? The noises, the smooth skin, how it changes shape depending on how full it is, the fact that we need them to keep us alive! Everything! But only online. I'm such a sucker for upset tummy fluff yet if someone said their stomach hurt in real life I would probably cry on spot and hold my breath around them forever. I think part of the love for tummies (or I guess you could say kink but it's not that sexual for me) is because I wish I could do it IRL. I wish I could comfort people and rub their tummies when they don't feel well. So instead I go to tumblr where I can do it no problem. I know this is rambling, but I hope someone relates

-lurker anon

TW: OCD, Emetophobia

hi anon!! thank you for sharing!! im sure a lot of us (including me!!) can relate!

i’ll share a little bit about myself! everything with me started as a child, and there are a lot of overlapping layers. i knew from an early age (literally by 5 years old) that it was exciting to me when cute boys had stomach aches (usually from being fed too much, throwing up wasn’t really on my radar quite yet but it makes sense because it comes with the territory). most of the pieces of media i can remember leaving an impact on me usually cut away or just insinuated that a male character was nauseous or too full by showing their face turn green or having them duck off screen. nothing was ever particularly graphic. this also led to a fixation on stomachs in general, especially the stomachs of bigger guys.

though i never admitted this fascination to anyone (and nobody ever shamed me), i felt weird because i knew other people didn’t share this fixation, so i kept it to myself and tried to enjoy it in private (this usually took the form of writing stories or seeking out media that possibly had sick boys in it. i was a real sleuth). i was a bit obsessive with it, but overall most of the harm was internal rather than external because i was convinced that to enjoy watching men’s pain and discomfort must have meant i was evil or that something was seriously with me.

the thing with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is that when you explain your compulsions and thoughts out loud they sound silly because you know they aren’t true, but you can’t help but think them. as a child my thoughts told me that to become sick was an admittance of weakness (which, obviously is SO not true lmao) and that expressing vulnerability was a man’s job. i developed crippling emetophobia that has persisted into my adulthood. the idea with vomiting and its lack of control was absolutely horrifying to me.

a man being sick? there is nothing sexier.

but me?

i began to have panic attacks through middle and high school. this later led to contamination OCD, always being terrified of being sick, and again, worrying and having thoughts about why i found it so attractive when boys admitted they were nauseous (that i must be corrupt, a bad person, crazy, etc).

sometimes i think our brains help us cope with trauma and fear by throwing us a bone every now and again. my fear of losing control manifests in fantasies where i hold all the power. i use my fetishes to strengthen the relationship i have with myself: that im not evil, or wrong, or corrupt, or out of control, or crazy. im just a girl who does things a little differently, and control in my fetish life helps me feel more comfortable dealing with my emetophobia in real life.

anyway, that was a long tangent, but i hope this resonates with the people!! 😭 we just love tummies man. i too love the little sounds they make and what those little sounds mean, the look of them, the way they sit on people’s hips, the fact that they can bloat bigger or get smaller, that we anthropomorphize them by saying they get “upset,” the chest and nipples right above them—i could write a manifesto i SWEAR.

-the duchess 👑🦢

#the duchess speaks #emetophilia #emeto kink #tummy ache #belly ache #that was so long but the people need to know

[dpdcultureis]

can i get a run down of typical dpd traits and what it's like to have the disorder??? i didn't realize this was a disorder (which- as someone with a special interest in psychology it came as a surprise-) and i'm genuinely curious and want to learn more... i have suspicions about myself and some friends of mine now... 😅

also, if you'd rather dm me answers than post, that's totally fine too! i may end up with follow up questions too 😅

(also i'm so sorry if this isn't the type of ask you prefer and you don't have to answer at all if you don't want, i'm just curious and usually talking to ppl w i t h the specific disorders is sm more helpful and accurate than google 💀)

hey hi!! i'll answer with regards to how it presents for me, but keep in mind that it'll probably look a bit different for me because i have other mental illnesses (including personality disorders) that also influence my behaviour ^^ any of my followers are free to chime in with their experiences too, and just looking through the #actually dpd or #actually dependent tags might be a good pursuit too!!

for me it manifests as being very anxious about making my own decisions (even when i don't necessarily recognise it as such; sometimes it presents so casually - asking about something that really doesn't need external input - that i don't notice when it happens). it also causes a deep fear of living alone and being abandoned/losing the people close to me, although the first one may be partially influenced by the fact i'm physically disabled, and the latter is common in some other PDs too. i typically seek validation over little things and share as much of what i'm doing as possible to my close friends in an attempt to reaffirm my acceptance and the fact they care about me, in a way?

for me i also seem to get a bit clingy, which if left unchecked could progress into something worse like overprotectiveness/jealousy and the like. for me that doesn't happen because my other PDs mask that aspect, but i do sometimes feel that possessiveness that i worry about, especially around my depended (DPD's version of the BPD 'favourite person', for lack of a better way to explain it)

being asked to guess or make my own decision causes me some anxiety, and doing things without permission causes a similar stress. i still tell my parents whenever i'm leaving the house and what i'm doing, and sometimes ask if i can go out, and i turn 20 later this year 😭

i can't really think of much else to talk about that isn't just reiterating what i've already said but with different examples, so now i'll leave this open for any followers here to rb/comment and add their own experiences!

(if you're curious, the other PDs i believe i have are AvPD and BPD, which overlap somewhat with these symptoms, but also work to mask some of them too. bc of that, a lot of my experience with DPD is internal)

#not dpd culture #dependent personality disorder #actually dependent #actually dpd #mod cloud!

[pluralthey]

hi, i have a few questions about felix if that’s fine! do felix’s alters all stem from trauma - or rather do they all have a protective role, or front for different, completely separate reasons? and does the plushie felix being the main host of cat felix mean cat felix’s personality is most based off of that? and is deadname’s name literally just felix’s past name, or the word “deadname” itself? trying to understand some stuff!

hi. first question: i don't want to sound like i'm correcting you or chastising you when i'm saying this - when i talk about DID on a platform, i'm talking to an entire audience with almost as many differing opinions as i have in my brain. i'm of the belief that an alter stemming from trauma doesn't necessitate that the alter plays a protective role. i used to think about them this way because it helped me accept them on principle, but acceptance based on utility isn't really meaningful acceptance. altered states of consciousness are a product of a failure to cohesively integrate the personality in childhood, which then manifests in adults, when said personality has finished forming. i'll be more specific and say that i think they unilaterally stem from trauma because the sole difference between an integrated personality and a significantly unintegrated one at the end of the day is the inability to fluidly and consistently control or understand the parts of itself to such a degree that the parts are categorized as something external. i choose to believe this because i don't find the argument that a traumatized child's mind has the foresight to create efficient and cogent compartments as a reaction to distress compelling. i also don't believe that people are born with personalities straight out of the box and the personality involved in such dissociation is therefore not so much fragmented or shattered from trauma but never put together in the first place. hopefully this brick wall of text provides you with some insight into how i write characters with major dissociative disorders nowadays. with that said: yes they all stem from trauma. no they don't all have a protective role but some of them do. some alters front for reasons completely different and isolated from the rest (ie. brigitte and deadname) but many of them front simply because they're parts of felix's entire personality and people in general tend to want to express their true selves in some way.

second question: yes, outer felix's personality is largely inner felix's personality. i am sorry that there is no good way to refer to them as separate entities Y_Y

third question: deadname's name is literally "deadname" as part of the treaty signed to end the thousand-year cold war caused by deadname going by a name that at least half of the squad hates. in their own inner monologue they undoubtedly still use the actual deadname in reference to themself.

#the cold war thing is a joke #it was to keep the peace though

[girl4music]

This is why Willow Rosenberg is such an important character in ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ and why she’s so relatable and resonatable. Imposter syndrome may not be the only mental condition she has but it is arguably the first one she has - which means that every other stems from it and is manifested because of it. Power corruption, addiction, repressed sadism, consent issues, OCD, anxiety disorders,… the lot.

All of it is informed by her simply believing like she doesn’t belong and doesn’t deserve and isn’t worthy. This condition is a problem for her right from the start of the show. In her very first interaction with Buffy she is already in that state of mind where her extremely poor self esteem is informing everything she does and says about herself, about other people, about the world and her involvement in it. She doesn’t have any friends besides Xander and the soon-to-be-dead Jesse. Xander is also someone who is viewed as a geek and a loser and so she feels comfortable with him. She knows that she belongs in his friend group. But as soon as Buffy comes along - it’s a different story because she comes along with Cordelia. The most popular girl at Sunnydale High and her bully. Before Willow knows anything about Buffy being the Slayer she already automatically understands that Buffy is off-limits and she has no right to be around her. Internalizing her geek and loser status as “wrong” for her. And so when Buffy comes up to her and asks her for help later, Willow just thinks she wants her to move. That she wants her to disappear so she can sit in her space. She already and immediately thinks that Buffy is “someone” and she isn’t. She is just nothing.

When they become friends at the end of the episode and she is now following her around and being her “Slayerette” she makes herself useful to her however way she can. But the feelings of doubt that she actually cares about her and wants to be her friend still linger. And they linger all the way up until we get a proper look-in to her mind in Season 4 with ‘Restless’. In her dream we are privy to things we wouldn’t ever be otherwise. The way she truly thinks and feels about herself and everyone else. The way she perceives of herself and everyone else. She’s not the heroine that saves the day. She’s the damsel in distress. She’s the helpless victim. She’s not the one everybody relies on. She’s the one everybody stares and laughs at. She’s the one exposed for being nothing at all. She’s just a sham, a fraud, an imposter. She’s just playing a role.

This condition is never resolved in her arc in the show even though it’s an on-going condition right up until the very end of it. Willow’s arc is never fully concluded. She has a good endgame. Don’t get me wrong. I really did like what they did with it. Had her settle with being the “BIG GUN” only by activating all the Potentials. I thought it was good. But it wasn’t enough. That big gaping hole of where and why her insecurities and anxieties started was never addressed properly and therefore not explored to make her endgame earned. Willow’s initial and foundational condition was imposter syndrome and because they didn’t address and explore this, then ‘Light Willow’ or whatever THAT Willow was was just a symbol and not an evolution.

The thing about the condition of imposter syndrome is that the person is never an actual imposter. It’s just that they believe that they are and it only affects their whole life because they believe it. It’s a self-corruption and self-sabotage. It is a mental condition. It doesn’t exist in external and objective reality. It’s made up. And it’s true, people can become the worst of people because of that of which they believe of themselves. They can destroy their whole life - their relationships, their environment, their well being - because of it. But the honest truth of it is that it is not real. And if it is not real than it is not you… Because you are real. You exist. You are an external and objective existence. You can only do the best you can in the moment. Let go of control and let somebody else carry you for a change. There’s nothing wrong with you other than what you let be wrong with you. Other than what you believe is.

#buffy the vampire slayer #willow rosenberg #alyson hannigan #imposter syndrome #how to avoid imposter syndrome #dr franceska jones #Youtube

[agarthium]

to that end, there's no conflict between the skills needed to maintain his princely facade and his true desire for blood

this turned into like an essay, sorry.

hey so, dimitri's character arc is explicitly about (severe) trauma and survivor's guilt. this was like, painfully obvious to me as a trauma survivor and the game kinda shoves what the themes of his story are in your face several times. it's not subtle whatsoever and that's a necessary lens to view his character from. he doesn't have "skills" to maintain a princely "facade" - he's compartmentalized or repressed or dissociated (all related phenomena but not all the same thing. i think compartmentalization is a form of dissociation. repression is parallel to dissociation but they manifest and function in different ways) the traumatic experiences he's had in a way that allows him to function in day-to-day life, while still experiencing post-traumatic symptoms. that's not a conscious decision he's made, it's a survival mechanism. like, that's how ptsd and other trauma disorders work.

to some degree, he's aware of this:

Everyone has something that is unacceptable within them. I certainly do, and I'd wager you do as well.

I wonder which is best, Professor... To cut away that which is unacceptable, or to find a way to accept it anyway...

dimitri's "princely facade" isn't false and it isn't some kind of deliberate act or ruse. his functional, day-to-day self both consciously and subconsciously or unconsciously rejects the traumatized parts of himself. he doesn't want anything to do with the parts of himself who are angry and vengeful and guilty and scared because those parts engulf him when they intrude in his day-to-day life, as you can see in remire and once he starts properly spiraling. the anger and the vengefulness is ego-dystonic because traumatized parts embody these emotions are operating from trauma responses that come from a triggered nervous system - when he is in this state, and in the state that he's in during his psychotic break, he is not thinking logically or within his actual morals and ethics, he's essentially operating from a fight or flight response. he doesn't listen to reason because no one is capable of listening to reason when they are violently triggered. this is how trauma works. and of course he's not gonna have the toolset and maturity to appropriately deal with that considering his circumstances and the state of the world.

but like with ptsd and other trauma disorders, this bites him in the ass later, because none of those survival mechanisms actually resolve and integrate the pain/fear/guilt/etc. from the initial experience. this happens most prominently in the form of a psychotic break. there are no small number of people who report having auditory hallucinations that center around or are related to traumatic experiences. psychosis is to trauma as lung cancer is to smoking. but his mind/nervous system is still engaging in survival mechanisms to divert the pain and the enormous survivor's guilt he's dealing with away form him - which is why he places all the blame on edelgard and focuses on her as his target, regardless of the truth of the matter. dimitri's guilt and shame are reflexively externalized because he does not have the capacity in those moments to confront and process the reality of what happened (fyi preoccupation with revenge is a very, VERY common experience in complex ptsd, which can obviously lead to some violent thoughts and fixations and sometimes violent tendencies.)

as such, just like with how ptsd and other trauma disorders are understood in the real world, both dimitri's functional day-to-day self and his traumatized part(s) are the "real him." neither are an act or a facade of any kind, they are just not integrated together into a cohesive whole. the game pretty explicitly talks about this in a conversation between he & felix:

F: Sometimes you have an animal's face, contorted with anger and bloodlust. At other times, a man's, with a friendly smile.

F: Which is your true face?

D: Do not waste your breath on questions with such obvious answers. They are both the real me.

as stated, in trauma disorders, the day-to-day self rejects and disowns traumatized parts. this is what is "unacceptable" and what he wants to cut away from himself, especially since the morals and ethics he otherwise demonstrates aren't in line with a deep-rooted desire to butcher people, which is where "ego-dystonic" comes in. it can simultaneously be true that 1. dimitri's traumatized parts are a part of his "true" self (if divided) 2. those parts are associated with feelings and thoughts and behaviors that are ego-dystonic. accepting the traumatized part of him that desires vengeance for his family's death doesn't mean letting that part of himself engulf him and carrying out said vengeance. it's complicated to explain but it's more about accepting what those feelings are rooted in (anger, grief, guilt, shame) rather than what the feelings are at face value. it's not nearly as black-and-white as "bloodthirst." he begins the path to recovery once he starts accepting the guilt, shame, anger, etc. rather than continuing the cycle of rejecting it as a part of who he is.

none of this is a justification for dimitri's actions. none of this is a justification for the actions of anyone who's suffering with trauma and their behavior as resulted in other people harmed. like, he committed atrocities. yeah. this is a game about war and there's plenty of fucked up shit in it. but seeing stuff like this kinda feels like a spit in the face because it demonstrates a lack of understanding how trauma affects people, how trauma recovery works, and how that relates to dimitri's character arc.

conversely, edelgard is an example of where i think the writer's of this game fumbled - edelgard is also dealing with severe trauma and survivor's guilt (her siblings), but there is not nearly as much substance given to her character or attention to her trauma as dimitri. some of it is subtly seen in how she has a restrictive affect and thinks about things primarily through a pragmatic, detached lens rather than emotionally-driven. she's virtually been rid of personhood (aside from small things) and has had that replaced with a cause. that's another way trauma (particularly edelgard's) can manifest itself in a person. but otherwise she's basically given a token nightmare scene and overall i feel like her writing within her own route was wasted potential. there's a lot of wasted potential irt more depth to fe3h as a whole tbh and the fact that the white dude and co. apart of the typical medieval Europe fantasy kingdom group is the one given the most attention to his character vs. the other lords is probably not be a coincidence. edelgard as a character would be probably painfully relatable to me if she were given more attention and care. an argument can be made for claude as well since racism, he had assassin's sent after him as a kid, and a complicated relationship with his parents to top it off, but i also kinda enjoy the subtle ways in which his character arc plays out & i could probably write an essay on how his behaviors relate to his own trauma as well.

sure, talk about faerghus and feudalism and misogyny in the story. i'm not against that. obviously feudalism is some outdated reactionary bullshit and faerghus/the church or whoever embody reactionary ideals. but if you're gonna talk about the characters themselves don't be like, dense about it, especially when it comes to sensitive subject matters like trauma and psychosis, especially when it comes to the latter due to how demonized and mishandled psychosis usually is in fictional media (which it definitely is in fe3h, even if it's framed in a sympathetic light.)

but if you demonize/frame dimitri's character in this way you are straight-up missing the point of what his story is doing in terms of his mental state and it easily comes off a unsympathetic to many of the things that trauma survivors deal with irl (such as violent urges/fantasies.)

#fire emblem #fe3h #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #fire emblem: three houses #character analysis #p

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello there, I hope you enjoyed your summer break! I'm the INFX anon from the post on June 30 (721567168810057728). I struggle with anxiety so I had trouble opening your response for months, until I did so today. I saw that you didn't receive the second half of my message and couldn't make a thorough analysis based on just the first half, so I figured I could try doing sending it now. I stopped somewhere halfway through describing my Se Inf, so I'll continue with that.

[I'm going to copy the previous post to put everything together.]

Hello, I am INFX, 21 y.o. After reading your blog, taking some tests and understanding functions (hopefully) a little better, I narrowed down my options to INFP and INFJ. If you are able to, I would gladly use your help in determining my type. As for important information: I have a generalized anxiety disorder, I had depression for several years and I am still prone to depressive episodes. English is not my first language.

I will start with INFP functional stack.

Fi Dom: I have a fuzzy sense of identity, which is why I often don’t know what I like or dislike, get stuck, don’t trust my gut feelings, rely on others a lot in decision-making processes. I do tend to judge things as either good or bad depending on my beliefs, but the beliefs are weak. I don’t trust them unless they are built on a solid framework of knowledge and evidence. I need to know rather than believe. My emotions emerge seemingly from nowhere. I can’t identify what’s the reason for them and how to deal with them. But for some reason I still think I make decisions relying on my emotions, it’s just that if I always relied on them it would do more harm than good.

Te Inf: I have trouble understanding Te. I know Te is about external structure. Actually I rarely encounter extremely messy lifestyle as in Fi extreme and I can plan things decently, even if I don’t like doing so. Structure helps me and I need it in order not to become chaotic, so I always have an agenda and don’t like it when plans are cancelled. Especially in recent years I got better at structuring my life. Most of the time I know what to do to solve my problems, I just don’t want to do it. So I don’t think I’ve ever encountered Te grip (at least not from what I’m aware of). At my lowest points I did have trouble to take care of myself but I attribute it to depression.

Ne Aux: Ne is one of the few functions I can decently use and understand in a positive way. I often look for new activities to participate in, new hobbies (especially creative ones). I have 300+ tabs open at all times because I research many different topics at once. I can generate creative ideas (usually for my art) with the help of sensory experience (such as music). Often manifests in unhealthy ways - I use daydreaming to escape responsibilities.

I can find a lot of opportunities but I don’t indulge in them or follow through, which makes my interests shallow. I like making lists (of albums to listen, movies to watch, stuff to draw, things to do in general), but I rarely do what’s in those lists. I’d rather daydream about it than actually do something. This is one of my greatest struggles, because I have ideas and inspirations but they always stay in my head or on paper and never come to fruition.

What makes me think Ne is my Aux rather than Dom is that I am very risk-averse and not very extraverted (I know ENXP are the most introverted extraverts though), I have never been very positive either or extremely chaotic either.

Si Tert: I am prone to not stepping outside of my comfort zone. I want new experiences but at the same time I’m afraid of them. As I’ve mentioned before I am very risk-averse, not taking even calculated risks. Fear of failure holds me back. I’m afraid that the status quo may change not in my favor (it will all go downhill if I make a mistake, so I’d rather do nothing at all).

Moving onto INFJ stack:

Ni Dom: I struggle with perfectionism because I have an ideal image of things I want to implement and I’m too afraid I will fail to achieve the ideal; I have a perfect version of myself in mind which I strive to be one day (but often fail to come even close to it). I don’t have a clear picture of my future though.

I know that many people equate Ni with “insightful” thinking, which I cannot relate to. I “predict” the future in a negative way, always expecting a catastrophe and feeling paranoid at worst. I often jump to pessimistic conclusion way before anything bad happened. I keep telling myself that it’s better to keep expectations low in order not to get disappointed.

Se Inf: I cannot engage with physical world because of escapism. When I’m outside I don’t notice my surroundings at all. I go through life on autopilot. Even when I try to be present and focus on the current moment, my sensing is dulled, almost muted, and the engagement feels shallow. I’m always in my head, made-up scenarios are more comforting to me than the real world. I reflected on it for some time and decided depression is not to blame because my Se was unhealthy/unused before that as well, it just escalated.

My partner (ISFX) helped me feel more grounded so now I'm more aware of what's going on around me, but I'm still not satisfied. I feel disappointed after any external stimulation, such as watching a movie. Even though I listen to a lot of music, I often joke that I hate music because most of it makes me feel nothing and feels boring. Since nothing (or very little) touches me emotionally, I find it very difficult to form opinions about what I experience (unhealthy Fi?).

At the same time I fall back on Se when I feel very bad, e.g. I used to go on long, 7-10 hour walks when I was depressed, physically exhausting myself so I would not feel a thing. Still prone to this, doing something physical feels like an easy reward (you're still technically doing something even if it's meaningless).

Fe Aux: I value equality greatly and I am quick to jump into others' shoes (although I do not consider myself empathetic). I rely on others in decision-making process, I have to accumulate different viewpoints before setting my mind to something. I think my Fe is not healthy because I jump to extremes, desperately avoiding intimacy and social connections in general but trying to live up to possible expectations of select few whose opinion matters to me (such as my family or my partner).

I am afraid that authentic expression of myself is not something others would like, so I suppress my voice even when I have something to say. I avoid conflicts. I am ashamed of my preferences, likes and dislikes. I often envision a version of myself that would be palatable to most people. I often shut myself off from my friends and tend to think that I don't need friends in general. I also perceive every social interaction as a contest which I should win, when I compare myself to others I feel sick, so I avoid social situations.

Ti Tert: I have a strong fear of inferiority (from my underdeveloped Fe). I rarely notice any possible signs of Ti loop though. One thing I have encountered is falling back on intelligence to boost self-esteem. But since I believe that I am uneducated and unintelligent, this mechanism fails.

I also noticed the pattern of avoiding people whom I perceive as high-developed Ti or Ti doms because they make me feel lesser and uncomfortable. I am envious of their vast knowledge and the ease with which they share it. I wish I had more knowledge because my self-esteem depends almost entirely on it, I need to feel "smart", it pressures me to develop Ti but I fail.

I think that is pretty much it. Sorry it took me so long to give a complete answer, it's all a bit of a mess. I hope I followed your instructions properly. I think my main question is whether the conflict that is most prominent in my functional stack is Ne-Si or Ni-Se.

-------------------------------

As I said previously, the INFP stack doesn't fit. There is more than enough counter-evidence to rule it out. As for the INFJ stack, all functions fit quite comfortably. The negative patterns and characteristics you describe are typical for immature INFJs. I think you suffer from Ni-Ti loop much more than you are aware of. Perhaps it's a good idea to read through past INFJ posts to understand your issues better.

#typing #ask

[wild-wombytch]

Better, after

I think this is an interesting read, so I thought I'd share!

Among the study group of 71 American females and seven males, aged 18-33, the overwhelming majority said they felt most “authentic” after they detransitioned or desisted.

External pressures—such as anti-trans discrimination, family resistance or religion—were rated as the least important drivers of detransition and desistance.

Some other key points at the end of the article:

➡️ Only 27 per cent of the young people had told their former gender clinicians they had detransitioned.

➡️ Most of those who took cross-sex hormones obtained them through the fast-track “informed consent” model.

➡️ Two-thirds of the group felt they had not been adequately informed about the risks of medical transition.

➡️ Fewer than one in ten had been told about the lack of long-term outcome studies for females with adolescent-onset dysphoria.

➡️ Important influences for females becoming trans men included wanting to avoid mistreatment and sexualisation as women.

➡️ Almost half the females indicated they were exclusively attracted to women.

➡️ ROGD (rapid onset gender dysphoria) may be chiefly a female condition, with the possibility that some males taken to be ROGD may actually be manifesting hitherto-suppressed autogynephilia (sexual arousal among males who cross-dress and/or imagine themselves as women).

➡️ More than a third of the group said most of their offline and online friends became trans-identified and it was common to mock people who were not trans.

➡️ Among counter-intuitive results, acknowledgment of the ROGD label by participants was not significantly related to the age at which they took on a trans identity.

➡️ Psychiatric diagnoses before transition were common, including depression (63 per cent); anxiety (60 per cent); attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (24 per cent); eating disorder (23 per cent); obsessive compulsive disorder (18 per cent) post-traumatic stress disorder (15 per cent); bipolar disorder (12 per cent); hair pulling (10 per cent); and autism spectrum disorder (9 per cent).

➡️ Young people in the study showed relatively high scores on a trauma measure of “adverse childhood experiences” such as abuse inflicted within the family.

➡️ The participants had generally liberal politics and a clear majority supported gay marriage (67/78) and trans rights 71/78).

#radblr #radical feminism #terfblr #gender critical #sex not gender #detrans resource #detrans resources #ftm detransition #detrans ftm #transmed #truscum #terfsafe #women's health #homophobia #lesbophobia #internalized homophobia #lgb community #radical lesbian #agp #lobbying #gender abolition #abolish gender #genderism