#bipolar namjoon

[btsydtrash]

Life Goes On [6]

CEO Namjoon x Au Pair YN

Namjoon has been married for years. He has twins, a happy life, a beautiful wife, a wonderful home. But, why, after nearly a decade of building, is his seemingly perfect life crumbling around him?

Masterlist  /  i don’t have a tag list  /  find me on twitter  /  word count: 2.9k

AN: sorry it’s been so long my loves hh! but i’m back!

(angst / smut / fluff)

tw: ableism, nosey grandparents

Chapter 6 ‘Sore’

The expectation of failure was tangible.

Namjoon could smell it, even over the strong smell of coffee that he didn’t think he would be able to stomach. Areum’s parents stare at him from across their neat living room set, an impenetrable bubble of silence enveloping the three adults while the twins were visible through the bay windows leading to their expansive yard, screaming and laughing with their toys and the family butler.

The butler that Namjoon’s company was able to provide them with.

After hearing about the affair, Namjoon had presumed that Areum’s parents would expect him to turn up at their door, trembling under the weight of suddenly having two expectant, needy children pressing down on his shoulders.

He almost wonders if they were hoping he would be panicking, that he would be crazy out of his mind with grief and pain, so that he would be more than happy to hand his kids over to them. Something that he would rather die than do.

They had always been the nosey type, in the way most well-off parents were, but it had never been enough for him to complain. At least, never aloud.

He didn’t think he could complain, truthfully. Areum was very clear on how much her parents meant to her, how important their approval was for her, and even if she didn’t mention it outright, the tightness in her jaw or the tension in her shoulders would tell him that something he did in front of them had edged a touch too close to unbecoming. Uncouth. Slovenly.

Namjoon didn’t come from money, not like Areum had, even though some bad business decisions had left her side of the family in a bit of a financial pickle some years ago. They had relied a lot of Namjoon at that time, when his company had finally started making big money and he was able to hoist them into a life of actual luxury.

And the thing that bothered him the most was that her parents weren’t totally incorrect.

He was struggling, but he learned quickly that that was part of being a single-parent.

Single-parent, he repeats in his head. How was he supposed to get used to the way that sounded in his head?

Areum’s mother, a delicate-looking woman in her early fifties, with lightly permed hair and elegant age-lines framing her familiar, almond-shaped eyes looks out at the twins with a wistful uptick of her lips and she says, to the point, “We just feel as though taking the twins for a couple of months might ease the load while things… settle down.”

Namjoon tenses up for a moment, his grip on the handle of the cup tightening until his skin whitens.

Areum’s father clears his throat, awkwardly, before he adjusts his glasses on the tip of his nose. “We don’t mean to imply you can’t take care of them. We just feel this might be a better environment for them right now.”

His wife continues, “You understand our position, right, Namjoon? As their grandparents, we only want what’s best for them and their safety.”

His blood runs cold and he turns his head towards the couple, fire burning in his eyes as he repeats, his voice low but the warning clear as day, “Safety?”

She jolts back, as if she didn’t realize the implication of what she just said. “N-Not that you are a danger to them. It’s more about their emotional well-being.”

He echoes, brow raising, “Emotional well-being?”

She nods, taking another sip of green tea, as if that were going to soothe the combination of blows she had just delivered to his shattering ego and sense of self.

Namjoon puts the cup on the coaster and glances away, biting down on his lower lip in anger. He knows he shouldn’t - he knows it will only make the situation worse, and he should just nod and let them vent their frustrations in their passive-aggressive way so he can leave as soon as possible and get the sticky feeling of their judgement off his body, but he couldn’t hold his tongue any longer.

He spits, angrily, “And, whose fault might that be?”

Areum’s father splutters, surprise coloring his tone, “What do you mean?”

Namjoon cocks his head to the side and asks, barely holding back his sneer of disgust, “If Areum hadn’t slept with whatever shmuck she found herself in bed with for all those months, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

His mother-in-law coughs, shocked, and exclaims, “Namjoon!”

“Don’t use that language in our home.”

Namjoon scoffs, chest tight. “It’s the truth though, isn’t it? Areum cheated on me and left her children to go prance around, living out a fantasy of happiness, avoiding her real responsibilities and the people who needed her. Leaving me would have been fine. Leaving them is unforgivable.”

He slams his hand down on the table and jabs a finger in their direction. “And if you think for even a moment I was going to hand my kids over to you, you have another thing coming. For the sake of our future relationship, I’m going to forget what was said today. But if I hear anything like this again, please understand me when I say this: I will ruin you both.”

His father-in-law asks, voice trembling, “Is that a threat?”

Namjoon scoffs. “A threat would be me pulling financial support out from underneath you and leaving you ass-out without a penny to your name. You do remember that you signed over majority ownership of your little yachting business to me and my company, don’t you? If I pull support, you might have three, maybe four months, in this big, fancy house before you might have to… down-size.”

He stands up, adjusting the lapel of his suit-jacket and says, “I hope we understand each other.”

Namjoon leaves the room, a ball of fire raging in his chest, and the need to see and touch his kids overwhelming his sense. “Minjae, Minseo. We’re going home.”

“Oh but daddy, we just started playing,” the twins complain in unison.

Namjoon feels his frustration tick. “Now.”

“Daddy.”

“Now.”

The two jerk in surprise, not used to their dad using such a stern tone with them, before they hurriedly rush off back into the house to say goodbye to their grandparents.

Namjoon exhales, his shoulders dropping in anguish. “Fuck…”

The twins are hugging their grandfather’s legs when Namjoon walks back into the delicately-decorated foyer, and Minseo is sniffing. He had teared up a little, which only serves to make Namjoon feel worse. He ushers the two into the backseat of the car, clipping them into their car-seats. Both of his children seem to be occupying themselves with their hands so as to avoid looking at him as he does so, which makes him sigh.

“MJ, Mimi, look at me,” he says, extra soft.

They twitch, hearing him, but their feelings were still hurt so they ignore him.

“Look at daddy,” he says, once more, reaching for their hands.

The twins look up at him, Minseo, defiant as usual huffs and turns her face away, but Minjae, poor, gentle Minjae, blinks up at him with tear-stained lashes, and Namjoon takes a moment to press kisses to their foreheads.

“Daddy’s sorry for yelling,” he says, honestly. He looks between them and murmurs, quietly, “It won’t happen again, okay?”

Minseo sniffs, still not believing his words. She says, “Daddy’s been a big meanie.”

He nods, understanding, and he agrees, “The biggest meanie.”

Minjae retorts. “I don’t like it.”

“Neither do I,” Namjoon agrees. “I’m sorry.”

Minjae reaches for his dad’s face, tentatively. “You promise?”

He nods, throat thick with emotion. He looks up, trying to blink back the tears, and he feels another hand briefly caress his cheek. He looks down to see Minseo struggling to reach for him. “Don’t cry, Daddy.”

Namjoon feels the urge to do just that well up even stronger than before. He uses his sleeve to wipe his eyes before he nods. “I won’t. Shall we go get ice-cream and visit Uncle Jin? Daddy doesn’t want to go to work today.”

The twins shriek in unison, happiness replacing the sadness that had befallen them moments ago, in the way that only children could, and he moves to the front seat.

Determinedly, he avoids looking back at the house as he pulls out of the driveway, the weight on his chest easing the further he moves from the house.

He turns on the CD player, allowing ‘PinkFong’s Top 40 Hits’ to play through his expensive speaker system and the twins lose their minds, jigging and dancing in the backseat. He shoots them a couple of fond glances in the rear-view mirror, watching their feet kick up as the repetitive, childish music sets a funky groove through their toddler bodies.

He gets them the ice-cream he promised them, of course. A scoop and a half of strawberry for Minseo and caramel cookie dough scoop for Minjae, and he took a couple of bites of both, much to their annoyance. He cleans them up with wipes in the baby bag in the trunk of his car, and they drive off to Jin’s place, where he spends the next few hours ranting and raving until he is red in the face while his babies sleep off their food-induced coma.

“And then, and then they had the nerve to suggest I couldn’t care for them, because it wasn’t safe. Safe, Jin. Can you believe that? Do they think I would hurt my kids?”

Jin stays quiet for most of his monologue, his expression pinching at points in barely restrained anger and disgust over their behavior. The two men were sitting in Jin’s den - a private area filled with all his favorite things like scotch, a wall of aged books in foreign languages and a pool table, where he hosted his friends a few times a month.

His wife had her own little cubby-area on the other side of the bottom floor of their luxury apartment. Namjoon had always thought of building a den in his home but he had never wanted to make his wife feel as if he wanted there to be a distinction between them, as if he were trying to make space where there didn’t need to be.

He bites his bottom lip and explains, “I know they know about my bipolar disorder. A- She had to disclose a bunch about me when we started dating, and they didn’t like it back then. They said I was… damaged goods. Her dad made it clear that he wasn’t happy about his grandkids potentially taking my batch of crazy.”

Jin glares out of the window to the left of them, taking a big swig of whiskey to try and ease the fire in his chest.

Namjoon moves to sit on the edge of the couch, exhaling heavily and putting his head in his hands. “But, A- She said she smoothed it over. She gave them all these stats about genetic transmission of bipolar and other mental health things. I didn’t like it, because there wasn’t anything wrong with being like me, you know? But I got it - I wouldn’t change me, but maybe if I got the choice, I wouldn’t have chosen to be this way… I made excuses at the time, but now… I know they never accepted me.”

Jin comments, slyly, “They sure accepted your money, though.”

Namjoon glances at him and explains, awkwardly, “It was the best thing for the family at the time.”

Jin prompts, “And now?”

“With the divorce, I don’t know what responsibilities I’m supposed to maintain with her side of the family,” Namjoon says. “But I have to do what’s best for the kids. If they spend time with their grandparents, I don’t want them to be living in shit.”

“That isn’t your problem,” Jin reasons. “If they haven’t been monitoring their finances well, that’s on them. And if they can’t maintain their living situation without leeching your money, then they’ll have to deal. It isn’t like they live with their grandparents. They live with you, Joonie.”

Namjoon looks at his oldest friend and feels a swell of happiness in his chest. He feels heard and listened to and supported. “Thank you, hyung.”

Jin shrugs. “It’s nothing, kid. Did you want to spend the night?”

He shakes his head. “No, I need to get them home and keep up a routine.”

Namjoon moves to leave the room, but Jin stops him with a hand to his shoulder. “Did you have a chance to look at the list of help I sent over?”

He shakes his head. “I’ve been kind of swamped with Agust D and trying to get JK’s world-tour budget organized with the foreign media management team. Why? Did anybody jump out at you?”

Jin shrugs. “A couple. You wanted them to speak English more, right?”

He nods. “Even though everything is going on, I still want to adhere to the plans we had for our kids. Learning English was just one of the things we wanted for them.”

“I put in a few foreigners who specialize in childcare or have had experience with nannying and being a live-in au-pair.”

Namjoon nods. “I’ll look tonight. But I really should get going.”

Once he gets the sleepy twins in their car-seats with a little fuss, Minjae gripping his collar tightly as if he were afraid of his father leaving.

Getting his babies in bed was always a trouble when he was by himself, but with Ms Park, it was a breeze. He dressed them in their pajamas and got them into Minseok’s bed, not wanting them to spend the night apart.

Areum was sure that having them be independent was best - letting them express their personal tastes and habits in the privacy of their own rooms was best, but he felt it was too early.

He wanted to them to sleep together, to wake up together, to grow up with having each other as a support system, to never get used to being alone. All of that independence stuff could come later.

But, he conceded, as he always did, and now, looking at his kids, he regret that choice deeply.

He sits on the soft floor, carding his fingers through the fluffy carpet as he watches his babies sleep. Namjoon watches the rise and fall of their chests, as their little bodies twitch and shudder in their sleep, as they reach for each other and knit their fingers together even in their sleep.

They were so fucking beautiful.

Namjoon couldn’t leave them - never, not even for a second.

He shouldn’t consider her anymore, he shouldn’t put more energy into Areum, but he can’t see how she couldn’t stick around for them.

Namjoon thought they were the most precious things in the whole world. He puts his hand on Minjae’s chest to feel his lightly pounding heart and feels overwhelmed all over again, like the day they were born. He closes the door behind him, leaving a crack of space just in case anything happened and moves to the kitchen area where Ms Park was getting ready to leave for the night.

“Thank you, Ms Park,” he says. “For staying a little later. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to get them into the car.”

The older woman smiles, all warm and gentle. “It’s no problem. You know you can call me for anything and I’ll be here.”

He puts his hands on the island, resting his weight there and exhales. “I know things are somewhat unconventional right now, so I want to thank you for being so available for me to rely on.”

Ms Park stops packing her purse and looks at him, her gaze edging close to pity. She puts a hand on the side of his face and says, “That woman really doesn’t know how good she had it here.”

He smiles, but it feels forced. “She wanted to find something different, I suppose.”

Ms Park tuts. “A flimsy excuse. And it will soon turn to regret, I can promise you that.”

Namjoon doesn’t dare hope her to be correct. “I was thinking of hiring some help for you and the kids. A live-in care assistant.”

Ms Park’s eyes brighten at his words. “I do find it a little tricky to manage twins at my age, so some help would be wonderful.”

He smiles, ruefully. “I’ll hold interviews over the next few weekends and hopefully I’ll find someone to start by the end of next month.”

Ms Park nods.

Namjoon asks, “Do you have any advice for me? A- My- She hired you from the recommendation of a friend, correct?”

She gracefully ignores his stuttering and replies, “Yes. I worked for a friend of Ms Kim for some time before I became employed here. My only recommendation would be to find someone who truly likes children. Neither of your kids are badly behaved, and they have only a few health worries but that’s what I’m here for. So, the most important thing is to find someone honest and someone who enjoys the idiosyncrasies that comes with having spontaneous and lively children. You’ll be able to tell who does and doesn’t fit those requirements very easily.”

He stares at the empty space on the island, eyes tracking the grooves and whorls of the black and white marble, hoping to make sense out the nonsense that is his life.

- end -

(1), (2), (3), (4), (5), (6)

#bipolar namjoon #knj fic #bts fic #kim namjoon fic #bts series #Single Father AU #single father namjoon #cheating wife oc #btswriterscollective #btswritersguild #btswritersclub #btswriterscafe #black reader #childcare fic #bts fluff #bts angst #life goes on #rapper yoongi #ceo namjoon #mental health fic #kim namjoon x reader #kim namjoon x you

[linos-luna]

Bts Yandere Profiles 🔪

Yandere!Bts x Reader

Warnings: Yandere!, obsessive behavior, possessiveness, gaslighting, manipulation

—————————— 🔪 —————————

Namjoon

Manipulative and possessive

He tricked you into this. In fact, he gaslights you all the time! You live at his house now because he convinced you to do so. He didn’t kidnap you. You’re here on your own volition… right?

• He says your family is abusive and not to see them. So you believe him

• brings up your confidence but then suddenly takes it away

• you don’t need a job because he’ll take care of you!

• He wants you to be dependent on him.

• hates when other people look at you.

“Babygirl, your parents are so mean to you. Why do you put up with that?”

“I’ll take care of you, don’t worry about stressing at some job!”

“Who was that talking to you?? Don’t lie!”

“Your friends talk behind your back. I’ve seen it!”

“I’m the only one that loves you!”

Jin

Unhinged but loving

Jin is a loving yandere but can’t help being unhinged. He’ll have random outbursts and threaten suicide if you try and leave. Of course… he’d never actually do it…

• he’s calm when he’s suddenly not

• all of the sudden he yells at you then takes it back, then takes the apology back and yells again.

• doesn’t hurt you physically but always puts you on edge.

• doesn’t hide his stalking tendencies.

• in fact, he’ll come straight out of hiding and make himself known. It’s embarrassing for you. But he doesn’t care.

“Ok wait! I didn’t mean it!”

“Don’t leave me! Or I’ll kill myself!”

“Forgive me!”

“Jagiya!! Where are you?!”

Yoongi

Strict but sometimes sweet

Yoongi hates that you make him weak in the knees. He’s not sure why he has such a soft spot for you, but he does. He feels the need to shield you from everything.

• comes off as cold

• keeps you inside all day. Sometimes takes you out at night

• very strict. Don’t talk back to him!

• kinda scary when mad

• but he’s also really sweet. Brings you gifts all the time.

• not much of a cuddly guy but will sometimes allow it. He knows girls like that kinda stuff…

• you want to love him and he can’t seem to resist you…

“What’d you just say to me?!”

“Better watch your mouth, kitten!”

“Do you like roses? I brought you some.”

“Come here, baby. Next to me.”

Hoseok

Bipolar emotions

One moment he’s happy and loving then suddenly cold. Being with him was like walking on eggshells. Half the time you didn’t even know what set him off. But then he smothers you with love. It made you feel bad

• he wants you to have fun and do what you want but also.. doesn’t?

• paranoid that you’re cheating

• constantly accuses you then immediately apologizes

• he’s a little suffocating

• constantly clinging to you

• will threaten you at random then act like nothing happened

“Cheater!!”

“No sorry! I don’t think that!”

“No it’s okay, go have fun…”

“I bought a cake! For what? Our 3 month anniversary!”

Jimin

Psychotic

Jimin is a psychotic yandere. He loves you deeply and will do anything to have you and “keep you safe”… Anything

• very outwardly expresses his love for you

• threatens people around you

• has probably killed someone… who knows 🤷‍♀️

• has a hard time controlling his emotions, whether mad or happy.

• sometimes he laughs when mad, that’s when you know you messed up

• don’t make him angry. He WILL get violent

• he’s stronger than he looks…

“jagiya, stop hiding from me! Don’t make me mad!”

“Don’t be scared, baby. I’m sorry.” *pouts*

Taehyung

Hopeless romantic but also delusional

Taehyung wants the relationship to be something out of a kdrama or romance novel. Everything must be perfect! He loves you even it he’s yelling at you for not doing something right.

• relationship means hugs and kisses. So he gives and expects them daily

• when out, you must ALWAYS hold his hand.

• when out, Taehyung will make sure to dress you so that the both of you match

• call him cute names like: Tae, Baby, Love

• don’t call him Taehyung

• He’ll call you Baby, darling, love, sweetheart, etc

• if you don’t do these things he’ll be not mad but frustrated.

• he will throw a fit..

“That’s not how it’s supposed to be!”

“Sweetheart, look at the new outfits I got for us!”

“No no no!! It’s all wrong!!”

“Why aren’t you holding my hand?? Are you mad?!”

Jungkook

Loving but… obsessive

When you started dating him, everything was great. He spoils you. He texts you every day and is always there when you need him but… he’s also a little weird.

• love bombs you.

• texts you everyday all day. And if you don’t respond right away he freaks out

• stalks you although you didn’t notice at first

• constantly thinks someone is gonna hurt you.

• he’s a strong guy, he might hurt you. But not intentionally!

“I’m sorry! Sorry! I didn’t mean it!”

*on the phone• “Baby, where are you?? You haven’t answered my texts!”

“Baby I brought you some gifts!” 😁

#kpop #kpop x reader #kpop imagines #fanfic #kpop smut #yandere bts #bts yandere #bts x poc reader #yandere namjoon #yandere suga #yandere jhope #yandere jimin #kpop yandere #yandere jungkook #bts smut #bts angst #bts fic #Bts yandere headcannons

[hadesforpreswrites]

somewhere in neverland, pt. 1

a/n: after much deliberation with myself, i decided to continue "emotional support boyscouts" with a jk fic where the reader battles bipolar (type ii) disorder. again this is something that i deal with and this is similar to what happens to me. everyone's experience with mental illnesses is different and i understand that.

there is no romance in this particular part but there will be a part two, so bear with me. i didn't want it to feel forced and i think i've laid a decently solid groundwork for a strangers-to-friends-to-lovers story.

as always, please let me know if you like this and maybe even what you'd like to see in a part two so i can keep that in mind when i write it. 🥰 AND if i missed any tags you think should be in the warnings, let me know!

banner made by yours truly

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: hurt/comfort

warnings: bipolar (type ii) disorder, mental health issues, playfully light bullying of one kim namjoon, jungkook gets attached to reader quickly

word count: 2,733

summary: jungkook hasn't left his house in days and barely answers texts, namjoon has a friend who does something similar - so he introduces them

jungkook lets out a groan as he hears a knock at the door. bam is already waiting expectantly for the visitor to enter. when he doesn’t immediately answer, he hears the door open to reveal namjoon carrying bags of takeout. 

“hey, bam,” namjoon cooed at the doberman. “where’s your dad?”

“in here,” jungkook’s voice came muffled from the couch in the living room.

after removing his shoes, namjoon padded into the room and set the food on the coffee table in front of the couch. “we haven’t heard from you in a few days. i was getting worried.”

“so you break into my house?”

“not breaking in if i have a key, kook.”

jungkook huffed. “i’ve responded to group chat messages.”

“using emojis and one word responses.”

“still responses,” he mumbled.

“right, sure,” namjoon replied, getting the food out of the bags and placing them on the coffee table. “come on, eat.”

the two men ate in silence for a few minutes until namjoon could no longer take it. “man, when was the last time you left this house?”

jungkook looked up at him with wide eyes and noodles hanging out of his mouth and shrugged.

in truth, it had been a couple weeks since he properly left his house. he hadn’t been feeling up to doing much lately so he hasn’t been. he didn’t realize it was a big deal until namjoon showed up.

“you haven’t left the house in a while and you’re answers to texts leave a lot to be desired,” namjoon then sighed. “we’re worried about you. i’m worried about you.”

namjoon knew that coming from him, jungkook would listen. he knew that he had somewhat gotten through to him when the younger put his bowl and chopsticks down with a sigh. 

“i don’t know, hyung. i just don’t have it in me right now.”

“i think i understand,” namjoon thought for a moment. “let me take you somewhere.”

“where?”

“it’s a surprise. finish your food and go get dressed.”

jungkook knew that it would be in vain to try to argue with the older man now so he ate and dressed.

while he was getting dressed, namjoon called for a ride. when the ride arrived the two were on there way to whatever namjoon had planned.

after about half an hour, the car pulled up in front of a cozy-looking bookstore. “hyung, why are we here? i don’t even read that much.”

“a habit that should be changed, but that’s not the only reason we’re here. i want you to meet someone.”

jungkook sighed. “i’m not really in the headspace to meet anyone new.”

“which is why you’re going to. besides, i think you’ll enjoy her company.”

“please tell me you’re not trying to set me up.”

“please, i know better. besides, i don’t want to lose her as a friend because of you,” namjoon teased, bumping his shoulder into the younger man’s.

“first of all, i’m not the worst one in our group and you know it. secondly — actually i don’t have a second thing. let’s just go.”

a small bell above the door jingled as they entered the small building. “friendly reminder that cameras are not permitted in this establishment,” said a feminine voice from behind the counter, the woman it belonged to not even looking up from her book. 

“wow, not even a ‘hello, how are you, joon?’” namjoon teased the girl.

“nope. you’re not special,” she jabbed, sticking a bookmark in her place and looking up with a bright smile.

“well, you are,” namjoon winked as the two men approached the counter.

“nice try, kid.”

“kid?! i’m like two years older than you,” namjoon whined, causing her to laugh.

it was a laugh that jungkook would not soon forget; it sounded magical to his ears.

“this must be jungkook,” she said and oh god she’d said his name and suddenly he didn’t want anyone else to say it again.

“i seem to be at a disadvantage.” it was something jimin was more likely to say than himself. “you know my name but i don’t know yours.”

“y/n. i must not be that special if joon hasn’t even told you about me.”

y/n, he thought to himself. beautiful name for the beautiful girl standing in front of him.

“how did this turn into a kim namjoon roast? you know what? don’t answer that, i’m going to browse to make myself feel better,” namjoon huffed, playfully.

“for what it’s worth, i do think hyung told me about you. i just haven’t been great at retaining information lately,” jungkook blushed, trying to make amends for his friend.

she smiled at him, making his heart race and his blush deepen. “you must be the one he’s worried about. don’t worry he didn’t tell me specifics, didn’t even tell me which band member it was. i’m glad he was able to get you out of the house. though, i didn’t doubt he could. he’s very persuasive.”

jungkook breathed out a small laugh in agreement. “yes he is. he broke in with food.”

she gasped, feigning fear. “what a scary burglar.”

a moment passed. “you know,” she started. “he’s done that to me before too.”

jungkook looked up at her, stunned. for all he knew the two had only met recently, but as he said: he hasn’t been retaining much information.

“well, not exactly. he doesn’t have a key or anything,” she clarified. “but he did show up unannounced with food and drug me here.”

“he made you come to work?”

she let out a small laugh of her own. “believe it or not: this is my happy place. my mom bought this place when i was in my teens. she won’t admit to it but i know it’s because of how much i’ve always enjoyed reading and just being around books. she let me make little reading nooks out of thrifted furniture in various spots around the bookshelves. before i started working here full-time, and sometimes while i’m on the clock, you could find me curled up in one of the oversized chairs.”

he looked over at one of the old, large leather chairs and imagined her curled up with a blanket, book, and cup of tea. it was an image that somehow brought even him peace. to know that somewhere there was someone who wasn’t burdened by the weight of the world, at least in these little moments, made him feel a little better. 

“why’d he feel the need to do that?” jungkook asked before he could stop himself.

“because my mom asked him to…and he’s a good friend,” she gazed over at the older man who had taken a place in another chair with his nose in a book. 

he was looking at her. for the first time in their short meeting he noticed a sadness in her eyes, worry on her brow.

“i hadn’t left my apartment in weeks, had honestly barely come out of my room. barely ate anything. couldn’t be bothered to answer texts let alone calls. all i could get myself to do was sleep.”

it was sounding all too familiar to jungkook.

“i hadn’t even showered in a week by the time namjoon made it over. i opened the door with greasy hair, a sweatshirt and shorts that i’d been wearing all week, and a headache. he didn’t judge me, just ushered me back inside. told me to get in the shower while he laid out our food, he even did my dishes. after we ate he said it was time to get out of my cave and brought me here. it was the first time i’d smiled in weeks.”

he felt a pang in his heart at the hurt in her voice. he saw a tear fall from her eye and reached over to wipe it from her cheek. he swore he felt her lean into his touch. 

“sorry,” she said when he pulled away. “i so didn’t mean to unload on you the day we first meet. you must think i trauma dump on everyone.”

“i think you’re brave for being able to talk about it. even to a relative stranger.”

~a few weeks later~

jungkook found himself occupying space at the bookstore at least once or twice a week now. he and y/n found themselves growing close, becoming friends. he still couldn’t shake his listless feeling but coming to hang out with her while she worked, or read, helped. he started being more active in his group chat with the boys and started working out again.

“there’s someone i want you to meet,” he said one day out of the blue.

“oooh, do i finally get to meet jimin?” she teased.

“i mean i could arrange that. but no, that’s not who i was talking about,” he said, unsure of why his chest tightened and why he suddenly felt a pang of resentment toward his friend. “i think bam would really like you.”

he reveled in the way her eyes brightened. “oh my gosh. i would love to meet bam.”

“can i bring him here? he could use a day out.”

“absolutely. bring him here. i’ll read all the books to him and make him love me,” she said, causing him to laugh.

he didn’t know that every time he smiled or laughed when she at something she said or did, she felt a little lighter.

“excellent,” he said. “i’ll bring him tomorrow.”

and he did. he was right, bam did like her a lot. he commanded almost all of her attention. jungkook found himself smiling just watching the two interact. 

“i think i like him more than i like you,” she told him. 

“well, he is objectively better than me.”

~

she had quickly become one of his favorite people. which is why when about two weeks later when he walked into the bookstore and saw it was closed he began to worry. he pulled out his phone and called namjoon.

“is it weird for the store to be closed randomly?” was the first thing out of his mouth when the older man answered, not a greeting.

“well, hello to you too.”

jungkook sighed. “sorry, hyung. hello, how are you? is it weird for the store to be closed randomly?”

“y/n’s store?”

“yeah.”

“maybe she had appointments or something. is there a sign on the door?”

“no.”

“shit. hold on, let me call you back.” with that namjoon hung up quickly.

jungkook paced in front of the store, worry growing in his chest as he sent her a quick text, not wanting to pry too much in case she really was busy.

“where is she?” he mumbled to himself. he didn’t realize how important this new routine had become to him until this moment. he answered his phone immediately when it rang.

“she’s at her apartment. her mom said she hasn’t left since the last time you were at the store.”

“hyung, that was like a week ago. can you tell me where her apartment is?”

namjoon gave him his address, not thinking of the potential consequences because they were both worried.

jungkook walked quickly back to his car and tried his best not to speed to her apartment building. traffic was not on his side today as he hit every red light and there were many vehicles on the road, more than he remembered when he was on his way to the store to begin with.

besides their first meeting, they never really spoke about the time namjoon pulled her out of a dark place. he didn’t know what to expect when he pulled into a parking space in front of the tall building. he pushed the button to the elevator and bounced on his feet. it was taking too long. he let his eyes flit back and forth between the door for the stairs and the elevator (that still wasn’t here). he shook his head and kicked the door open.

not once did it cross his mind until later as to why he opted to run up twelve flights of stairs for a girl he wasn’t dating and/or sleeping with - a girl he’d only known a matter of weeks. adrenaline must have kept him going because he ran all the way to her door and knocked. after his frantic knocking, he doubled over, hands on his knees, breathing hard.

it took a couple of minutes but soon the door began to open slowly. jungkook lifted his head, peering through his hair, and saw that the door was only opened slightly and there was no light but he could make out the rough shape of a human.

he stood up to his full height. “i wasn’t sure you’d open the door,” he said, hoping to lighten the mood.

“couldn’t see anyone through the peephole. thought it might be a child.”

“half right. can i come in?” he asked, smiling big at the girl.

“i don’t know, jungkook. it’s kind of a mess in here and-”

“i could not care less about the state of your apartment. i only care that you’re breathing and if you’ll let me in so we can talk.”

she let out a shaky breath, “okay.”

the door opened wider and she shuffled back, giving him space to enter. once he was in her apartment and the door was shut again, he searched for a lamp or some form of light. 

does she have blackout curtains up in the living room? he asked himself.

once he located a lamp by the couch, he made himself comfortable. it was her effect on him, when she was around he felt at ease, even when she was in this state.

she sat down on the opposite side of the couch, facing him, legs bent in front of her, like a shield. “did my mom call namjoon again?”

“no, i think he called her actually. i went to the store and it was closed so i called him.”

“and then you pulled a namjoon and showed up? but without food?”

“he’s more nurturing than i am. plus, i was in a bit of a rush.”

“why? i was just sleeping.”

“for a whole week?”

“maybe.”

“y/n…” he sighed.

he didn’t know what to say to make this situation better. so he opted to ask the question that had been on his mind since the day they met.

“why? why does this happen?”

she looked down at her hands, picking at her cuticles. “i-” she sniffled.

“hey,” he said quietly, moving closer to her and taking her hands in his. “whatever you’re going to say, doesn’t change anything. let me in. please.”

she didn’t look up at him when she said, “i’m type two bipolar. and when i’m on my medication i feel fine. but the pharmacy is having some issues getting it this time so i haven’t been able to take it.”

“i’m not gonna try to pretend to know what that’s like but i’m so sorry it’s happening.”

“thanks,” she mumbled. “most of the time, i’m fine. or i can pretend. but sometimes when i’m off my meds, before the mania can set in, i end up sleeping. a lot.”

“what happens when the mania sets in?” he wanted to be prepared for what she might need from him. he wasn’t prepared this time and for that he’ll always feel a little disappointed in himself.

“it changes every time. one time i decided i was going to grow my own vegetables and bought all the things, including soil, to do that.”

“how’d that go?”

“it didn’t.”

they sat in silence for a few minutes before he broke it. “i’m sorry.”

“you don’t have to apologize for something that’s not your fault. my brain just doesn’t behave right without help. it’s no one’s fault,” she smiled sadly at him.

before he could stop himself, he pulled her to him in an awkward, tight hug. “okay but promise me one thing.”

“what’s that?”

“you’ll let me know when it gets like this again. i don’t want you sitting here alone.”

“i can’t promise that, jungkook.”

“what if we set up a simple code? like you send a not very used emoji. like that one that has smoke covering its face.”

“what is that one even for?”

“it’s for this, obviously.”

“okay, i promise.”

“good.”

#jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook #bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts jk

[bangtangalicious]

EATING NEXUS UP I love the ‘your parent killed my parent but falls in love’ trope. Jungkook and mc’s chemistry is HOT I hope they are endgame 😏

no one’s actually told me who they are rooting for yet, but with the information present atm jungkook is the most viable ain’t he :)

trust no one, is the theme here <3 well ok let’s discuss.

jungkook

is lying to mc still& hiding something BIG (which comes out in the next part)

is hot and cold

wants her to leave behind her whole life

dad killed her mom

jin

is a manipulative icon but also protective

lies about everything under a facade of charm

lowkey stalker too but since he’s rich he gets away with it

yoongi

empathetic to her situation

sees her potential

is not a privileged asshole millionaire

jealous type

namjoon

her day 1 crush

loves her

isn’t controlling but once took advantage of her and was super mean to her most of the time

I’d say based on the information we currently have, they are the biggest contenders.

but COUGH let’s COUGH add taehyung for the sake of discussion.

taehyung

has a deepest resentment for reader

analyzes her at an anatomical level (obsesssed?)

is rich but in an inheritance way not a ceo way

is bipolar, unhinged, wants to kill her sometimes

lowkey also worships her

is honest. brutally honest.

I would survey this after the next chapter is released. You may change your alliances, no matter who they were before ;))))

#nexus asks

[xen248]

The emo boys

Venom: born in 2005. Is obsessed with aespa karina. A introvert. Can get any girl but is to fucking shy and awkward. Is bipolar.

Yeonjun: born in 1999. Literally soobins husband. Loves eating. Annoys venom every chance he gets.

Beomgyu: born in 2001. Is a bear. Hates the obsession that venom has with karina. Is crazy

Soobin: born in 2000. Is the leader of the group and the mom. Is yeonjun husband. Deals with venoms delusional ass. Is quiet

Taehyun: Born in 2002. Is namjoons number one enemy and venoms. Doesn't support venoms delusional ass. Is quiet and loud.

Kai: born in 2002. Venoms husband. Supports venom all the time. Everyone's favorite. Is the best

Masterlist | next

#masterlist #male reader #aespa karina #smut #txt #karina #hot male

[ace-angel-judas]

Charlotte would love big sister Soyeon 🥺 and Estelle would love watching her babies be such good siblings to eachother

Charlotte was quiet as she lingered near the desk, slightly peaking every so often whenever Soyeon would turn a page and study something. The older girl seemed to be filled with elegance and grace that reminded her of their mother.

“You can come sit next to me,” Soyeon spoke suddenly, making her eyes go wide.

“Oh no, I’m okay over here,” Charlotte whispered.

“Come and look properly, Lottie,”

At the use of the nickname, she shuffled over and sat beside her sister on one of the chairs. The desk was made of oak, the smooth wood scattered with pictures of runes and sigils and writing in different languages.

“How can you read all this?” Charlotte asked.

“I can’t read all of it but my father’s family speaks the infernum language, we can read it,” Soyeon explained, “Some of this is that but others of it are-“

“It’s Spiritus, Papa would read books of it to me and Vinnie before bed.., after momma passed,” Charlotte explained, “I would sneak into the library and steal his books sometimes and teach myself,”

Soyeon smiled, “Uncle Joon does have the biggest library in the continent, since the Kim family are the head of the scholars,”

“Does momma speak a language too?” Charlotte asked.

“No, I don’t,”

Charlotte jumped while Soyeon turned, a gummy smile spreading across her cheeks. Estelle approached them both, placing a kiss on either of their foreheads.

“I don’t come from a direct line like your fathers do so I don’t have a language,” Estelle explained, “Speaking of, where-“

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

“Im your father-“

“You were dead for sixteen years!”

“I didn’t fucking plan that!”

Estelle’s shoulders dropped as Julius stormed into the study, her son shaking with anger as his father followed. It was stunning to see the resemblance between them despite their physical differences.

“Tell him he can’t make me the heir of the Min name!” Julius snapped, “It should be-“

He suddenly went silent, Charlotte staring at Julius with wide eyes. The blonde boy suddenly smiled, walking over to his younger sister.

“Are you helping Soyeon study, Lottie?” Julius cooed gently.

Yoongi blinked out of sheer disbelief, “What bipolar bull-“

“Yoongi,” Estelle stepped next to her husband, “No swearing in front of the little ones,”

“You say that like Namjoon doesn’t swear in front of Vincent all the time,” Yoongi crossed his arms.

“He what?!”

[bat-yenny]

[yanderenctstan]

Lucky

So, the reader in this fanfic is bipolar. I'm bipolar myself and personally this is how I experience my symptoms. Everyone likely experiences them differently. I just figured I'd clear that up in case someone came for my ass cheeks in the comments. I wanted to make this longer and enforce more emotion into it, but I didn't quite know how to describe it. Also, kind of unrealistic but I tried. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this angsty mess I wrote on no sleep :D

Word Count: 1617

Warnings: bipolar GN reader, idol Namjoon, angst, fluff (?), I think that's it really

Rage. Pure, unbridled hate and rage filled your veins and flowed within the deepest inner workings of your body. Eyes glued to the phone screen as you read through yet another article between your boyfriend and this female idol he was working with. You knew it wasn't real. You knew all of it was for media. You knew Namjoon didn't mean anything he said to her or about her and yet there was still this feeling. This nearly inexplicable abhorrence for the beautiful woman on screen. And you had to admit, she was beautiful. It was hard to ignore the perfection in the detail in her face. High nose, thick lips, large, innocent doe eyes, all curtained by the shine of straight black locks. A smile worth millions and a slim body curated by the gods themselves.

You took notice of every little incident between them. One could call you obsessive or jealous all they wanted but that simply wasn't true. Or maybe it was. You thought you'd known better. You had been desperate and pleading with yourself to wait for an explanation. Due to his job as an idol Namjoon didn't have a lot of time to simply sit and talk with you, especially on matters such as this. Matters that otherwise would have no concern with you. You'd seen him with many other female idols and actresses before, they were all the spitting image of picturesque beauty, and yet this. This. Specific. Woman.

The nerve, the gall, the fucking audacity she had to position herself anywhere near Namjoon's standards. God you hated this feeling but you couldn't stop it. A mixture of guilt flooded your sense and your eyes stung with the threat of tears but the hostility kept them at bay. You shut the phone off, setting it to the side for now in an attempt to calm down. Your chest felt heavy with the weight of holding your breath, lungs crying out for you just breathe. But you couldn't. This had gone on for too fucking long. It had been brought up before, though the conversation was fleeting. You'd asked about her during one of his practices and he tried his best to summarize it for you but he didn't have time. It wasn't enough.

Your fingers scraped against your scalp, tangling themselves in your own hair trying to get a grip on yourself. This was stupid. God, this was so fucking stupid. She wasn't doing any harm to him, she was just doing her job and he was just doing his. It made sense why they were seen with each other all the time, and media didn't help. Fans who supported the relationship of course and didn't know about you would push the companies to milk off of that need. To satiate the fans ache for their affections. Namjoon isn't a product to be milked though. He is a person. A human being. He was your boyfriend and whoever this other bitch was needed to back off.

These sudden cocktails of anger, despair, guilt, confusion, all of it mixed into one and you could physically feel the break coming on. Your sanity slowly slipping over little to nothing. You took a shaky breath, kneeling down onto the ground to grasp at reality.

The keys. Jingling hastily in the lock of the door, him at the other side just ready to be home and relax. Your body went into overdrive, standing yourself up and making way for the door as Namjoon opened it.

"Who is she?" you started before you could stop yourself. Namjoon gave you a confused look in response, brows knitted and plump lips turned down in a frown.

"Namjoon who is she?"

"Who's who?"

"Who is she."

"Baby I can't-"

"Who is she!" your voice raised, fists shaking and blood boiling over to the point of you face getting hot, "Who is she, please tell me, who is she. Who is she." you stormed over to him, closer. His eyes widened, taken aback by the outburst seconds after stepping foot through the door.

"Y/n, who are you talking about?" he questioned. He knew exactly who you were talking about, he had to of. But you spared him another blow.

"That fucking girl you're always with! That girl with the black hair I see her with you every where on every other article on every site, Namjoon who is she!" the tears bit at the corners of your eyes again but you wouldn't let them fall. Your breathing sporadic and your heart skipping beats as you shook with fury. Namjoon's face relaxed. He knew.

"Okay, okay, just give me a second-"

"It's been months! You haven't told me anything and she keeps pushing it," you over exaggerated but were too angry to care, "she keeps liking your posts, posting shit on her instagram, feeding into this bullshit and I can't take it anymore!" the anxiety attack was setting in.

A trigger response.

Normally when you'd have one during an argument you'd walk away, not wanting to make Namjoon feel guilty for expressing his feelings to you, for doing anything. You never wanted him to think you were being manipulative or mean just to be mean so you'd leave. He always understood. He knew about your past relationships and the abandonment issues they'd caused. He knew you were only afraid of losing him because he was so hard to find. Someone who actually took the time to care for you and make sure everything was still good despite having an overly packed schedule as it was. You usually hid because you didn't want to add stress to him. You couldn't hold this though, too upset to really recognize it let alone stop it.

"Hey, I know, I'm trying to dismiss it the best I can love. You know I can only do so much." he started. You knew he was right. It wasn't like he could just tell the company to fuck off. He had to do nearly everything they asked of him. This logic didn't stop fueling the fire in your chest however, though it didn't rage it either. It remained stagnant in it's wrath. Namjoon shut the door behind him, kicking his shoes off before standing tall in front of you, palms up and out. His eyes never left yours.

"We're okay, I'm right here. With you. Not her. We're okay." he walked towards you, cautiously, not wanting to further your anger at him. It wasn't okay. Nothing about this felt okay to you. How in the name of God was any of this okay to him? Your fingers laced into one another, gripping your hands until your knuckles glowed white. Namjoon took your face in his hands and you let him, the warmth from his palms relieving the throbbing in your head from yelling. The gesture alone broke through. Something in you felt brittle and shattered at the tip of his calloused fingertips. This wasn't real. This never happened like this. This only happened in movies and in books and yet you could physically feel the anger slip out of your hands like soap.

"I'm sorry..." you apologized, the words slipping from your tongue softly. It was the first thing you thought in that second.

"You're oka-"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-" and you were crying, the sudden flip in your emotions making you nauseous. Your nails dug crescents into the backs of your hands but the pain didn't faze you. Letting your doubts and insecurities get this bad and bringing out on him as if it was his fault. It wasn't anyone's fault but your own. LIke he said, there was only so much he could do. Namjoon shook his head.

"No no no no, baby no. We're okay." his thumbs swiped at the tears dripping down your cheeks. They kept just kept coming. Your mind flooded with thoughts. Everything that happened within the last few minutes, days, weeks, and even months. You were overreacting and you knew it. You couldn't help it though, unsure of how to stop it.

"Breathe with me love." Namjoon inhaled as deeply as he could, trying to get you to follow. You did the best you could muster with the sniffling and crying blocking your lungs from gaining proper air. Eventually your hands gripped onto his wrists. He didn't remove them from your face, holding you there and looking at you.

"We're okay." he repeated once more, finishing the breathing exercise with you. Your own thumbs rubbed circles onto the backs of his hands, a gesture of delicate affection you hoped would make him see you weren't being hostile anymore. You wouldn't say you were okay, far from it. Emotions racing through your head to the point of being unable to process them. Mostly guilt at what you'd just done. The ache in your head was agonizing at this point, from crying most likely now.

"We're gonna talk about this okay, right now. I'm going to explain everything going on, just like I said I would, alright?" he said the same thing earlier, now that he had you calmed down enough he would actually be able to speak without you interrupting him every two seconds.

You felt a pang of hope and infatuation at the man in front of you. How he handled the whole situation down to where he had you now. He didn't get upset, didn't raise his voice, didn't lash out at you or yell back. Instead he knew. He must of known what was going on. Otherwise there would be no way he'd react the way he did.

You were lucky.

So so lucky.

#namjoon #kim namjoon #bts #rm #bts rm #bts namjoon #bts kim namjoon #bts angst #namjoon angst #rm angst #namjoon fluff #bts fluff #rm fluff #bipolar disorder

[keepsmilingbts]

i was wondering if you could help me found a fic . I dont remember the name but it was about namjin are a couple and vminkook are their sons ( if im not wrong taehyung had ADHD or he was autistic and jimin was on a recovery of ETD oh and jin had bipolar disorder ) namjoon was working aboard so jin was stressed taking care of them and kinda neglect jungkook making him get depressed

Pay Attention To Me by BunnyChild

With Namjoon gone on a business trip and Jungkook's older brothers suffering from eating disorder and ADHD, Jin has lot on his plate. Little Jungkook feels left out and just wants some attention and love from his appa.

If this isn't the one you were looking for, lemme know

#namjin fanfic #namjin #namjin fic #fanfic recommendation #bts fanfction #bts fanfic #bts fic #parent au #namjin parents #kid jungkook #kid jimin #kid taehyung #bipolar disorder #adhd #eating disorder #namjoon fic #seokjin fic #jungkook centric #bts

[sowoozis]

the kim line in a nutshell

bts: break the silence (2020)

#bts #break the silence #kim taehyung #kim seokjin #kim namjoon #HELLO IM BACK FROM THE DEAD #I LOST SO MUCH FOLLOWERS #BUT MY BIPOLAR DISORDER WAS NOT BEING COOPERATIVE #SO I WAS GONE FOR A WHILE #NOW I GOT MY SHIT SORTED I THINK #AND I RESET MY LAPTOP #AND IM MAKING STUFF AGAIN AAAAH #HELLO FRENS #armysource #by elle #elles

[ddaengyoonmin]

A rant on how BTS honestly has changed my life

Tw: mental illness, Eating disorder (I promise this isn’t a sad post, these things are mentioned tho)

——————————————-

I never understood why people always talked about Bands saving their lives, or helping them through depression. I always judged people who said that and thought it was a ridiculous thing to say and kind of rolled my eyes. Like cool you’re obsessed with a band, no need to take it that far. I never thought I’d be the one saying something like that.

But then.

I just looked at my life a year ago to now. I used to be horribly depressed, (I have bipolar) and I was also about 15 pounds underweight due to some eating issues I’ve had my whole life.

Today I can’t remember the last time I’ve even had a serious depressive episode, I have a job for the first time in over 3 years (I literally couldn’t due to my depression) and I’ve gained 60 healthy pounds with some gorgeous stretch marks to go with it 💜

The only thing that’s changed in my daily life since a year ago has been that in that time I discovered BTS and really got into their videos. They talked about loving yourself, and their attitudes were always so honest and real even when discussing sad topics there’s always this feeling of love and support and the idea of overcoming.

They’ve given me things to look forward to in life. ‘When’s the next music video coming out?’ ‘There could be a new vlive any day now!’ ‘A new run episode comes out Tuesday!!!’ Things like that I never realized would be the biggest joy in my life.

So yeah...BTS honestly has helped me through my depression, they gave me joy when I had none. They gave me things to look forward to when I felt that life had given up on me.

I’m thankful for their existence and I don’t know where I’d be in life if I hadn’t discovered them 💜

#bangtan #bts #jimin #yoongi #jungkook #namjoon #seokjin #hoseok #taehyung #mental illness #ed tw #bipolar tw #zoeyrambles

[bbbrats]

Where I’ve been.

I’m getting a lot of messages asking where I’ve been, or when I’m going to update or what happened to me, so I guess I should be open with you guys, you’re part of the family as well. I haven’t been writing because recently my mental health has taken a steady trail downwards, and I hit rock bottom. When I was younger, maybe 10 or 11, I was diagnosed with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder, ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), ODD (Oppositional Deficiency Disorder), Depression and Anxiety. I used to take medicine call Prozac and Ridilin to help me. But come to find out, recently, that I was wrongly diagnosed and the pills were worsening my condition, and if I would’ve kept taking them, I’m not sure what, but something bad would have happened. Recently, and I cannot stress this enough; it wasn’t for attention, I had cut myself. It was the first time that I’ve ever done something like that and I didn’t even know my mind could get to such a dark place. It was triggered by a serious incident with my mom, verbal and physical abuse, and I just broke down in my room. I started separating myself and being less active on social media, and basically I didn’t have the motivation to do anything anymore, let alone write. It was hard pretending to be happy when I really wasn’t anymore, and that’s when I relapsed into my suicidal thoughts, the crying every night, and the depression and anxiety became overwhelming. My mom never noticed the cuts until about six days ago, and she took me to this hospital called Ingalls Memorial. They have this program for people that gives them therapy and support. I hated my mom for taking me there but, in the end it helped me greatly. They took blood and like I said, I was wrongly diagnosed. So instead of having everything I listed above, I have bipolar disorder, which causes uncontrollable mood swings, depression, anxiety, issues following conduct from adults or authoritative figures. I was discharged from the hospital yesterday with a medicine to control my Disorder which will help me in school, make me happier and to push away my racing thoughts which is definitely what kept me away from writing. And my lack of motivation. So why am I telling you this? Because I don’t want any of my followers to feel alone. If you have it, so do I. And if you don’t have anyone to turn to, turn to me. I may not be a doctor, but my mom is a nurse and a social worker, I can definitely try to find some help for you. I promise things get worse before they get better, just stick around so you can get to the best part. So here’s my story, if you’d like, message me and share yours. I’m always here for you guys ❤️. With that being said, and my mental state taking its climb back up, I’ll be writing again. Not much, but enough. So that’s the truth, through and through.

#bipolar disorder #bipolar #depression #anxiety #bts #jeongguk #jungkook #yoongi #suga #jimin #jhope #hoseok #rm #rap monster #namjoon #jin #seokjin #taehyung #v #bangtan #beyond the scene

[hadesforpreswrites]

sleepless nights

a/n: hi! i hope you enjoy this little fic! i started it writing it based on my own issues with insomnia and mental illness because i wanted some comfort and i thought that maybe someone else could be looking for something similar.

there's a character friend named scarlett mentioned in here. she's just mentioned but is a good friend to the main girl. also, i feel like i'm shit at writing dialogue, so i'm very sorry lmao.

there may be a part 2 to this, i haven't decided yet. if you want a second part let me know and what you might want to see in it! (which is why it's marked explicit for the time being)

pairing: kim namjoon x unnamed female character

genre: hurt/comfort, mutual pining

warnings: insomnia, mental health issues, namjoon calls her 'babe,' "platonically"

word count: 1,844

summary: when her brain won't let her sleep, she calls her best friend

part two

she let out an audible groan as she felt around for her phone hidden somewhere in her comforter. once her hand hit the elusive electronic, she brought the lit screen up to her face so she could read the time. 03:00 am. great, it was one of those nights. 

she’d been living with insomnia for as long as she could remember; only being diagnosed about a year ago. on top of that, her manic states that came with her bipolar disorder often assisted the insomnia in keeping her awake. 

tonight she didn’t feel manic but she sure couldn’t sleep. she’d tried almost everything. she took sleep aids, she meditated. she felt tired exhausted but she just couldn’t fall asleep. 

she sighed as she looked at the clock on her phone again. there was only one thing left to try and she was already feeling guilty about it. she scrolled on her phone until she landed on his name, which admittedly didn’t take long as he was in her favorites list. she let her thumb hover over his name for a minute before taking the plunge. she put the phone on speaker as it rang, biting her nails unconsciously.

while it rang, she thought about what she might say this time if he answered. and what she might say if it goes to voicemail as those will be two very different things, she thinks. 

after three rings she was about to hang up when, on the fourth ring, he answered. “hey, you.”

“hey,” she answered, quietly. she hadn’t noticed she was on the verge of crying until she heard his voice. 

“hey, what’s wrong?” she heard him stop whatever he was doing.

“it’s just not fair,” she said, fighting the tears.

“what’s not fair, babe?” normally the nickname caused her heart to flutter, even if it was platonic to him, but tonight she couldn’t focus on that.

“why can’t i sleep?” her voice broke.

she couldn’t know but his heart broke to hear her like this. every time she called him in the middle of the night sounded like she was losing a bit of herself. she was his best friend, the one who usually took care of him (save for nights like this). 

“i wish i knew,” he all-but-whispered. 

“i’m literally so tired, joon. exhausted. i should be able to fall asleep with how tired i am,” she rambled, frantically wiping her face.

“i think i already know the answers but you know i have to ask,” he started.

“i know,” she sniffled.

“took your meds?”

“yeah.”

“meditation?” 

“yep.”

“tried counting sheep?”

“of course.”

he looked over at his desk and computer screens. he could use a break, he thought to himself. he checked the clock, shocked at the time. he could really use a break. 

“want me to come over?”

“then what would happen? you also stay awake? i can’t ask you to do that, joonie,” she said, stubbornly.

“babe,” he sighed. “i’m already awake. i’ve been working all night.”

“then you should sleep!” her heart resumed its normal activity of fluttering at the sound of him calling her ‘babe.’

“how could i sleep knowing you’re awake, crying, possibly entering the ‘bad times,’ hmm?” she could hear him moving around the room, shutting things down.

she was silent as he ordered an uber to take him to her, knowing he was right and, also, she was too tired to put up more of a fight. “do you have your key?” she asked after a few minutes of listening to him get ready to leave.

“yep,” he jingled his keys for her to hear.

during the approximately thirty minute ride to her house, she lived across town from him, he kept her on the phone. they didn’t say much but he knew it made her more comfortable to hear him when he was out this late. the driver made some small talk with him as he drove, mostly inquiring as to why he needed a ride at 3 am in the morning. namjoon assumed he assumed that it was a hookup because when he told him about his friend’s predicament he didn’t seem too convinced it was innocent.

part of namjoon wished his assumption was at least semi-accurate. he often found himself wondering what would happen if they bridged the gap they had created in their relationship, however unknowingly. they did most things couples did and their friends took notice right away, often teasing them. well, him mostly. but for now, he counted his blessings that he could just be in her world. even when nights like this happened, he counted himself lucky. of all the people she could call, she chooses him every time. 

when the car pulls up to the apartment complex she lives in, the driver curses. “why is a girl out here at this time of night, in this weather, wearing that? she’s gonna get sick.”

namjoon lifted his head from his phone where he was reviewing the driver to see who he was talking about. he sighed when his eyes met the figure of the girl he was just thinking about. she was outside, on the sidewalk, in shorts and a hoodie with no shoes, in the middle of winter. “that would be her,” he said to the driver. and then into his phone he said, “what on earth are you doing?”

“waiting for you, hurry up,” she chattered. 

how he didn’t hear her leave her apartment was beyond him, maybe it was during the conversation with the driver. he quickly finished his review so he wouldn’t forget and exited the vehicle as fast as he could. he shed his overcoat and threw it over her shoulders as he waved to the driver.

“i told you i had my key,” he scolded as they moved to the entrance of the complex.

“i thought it’d make my brain go to sleep if it froze a little,” she said, sheepishly. “and besides, you always wait for me when i come to your house.”

“yeah, but not without at least shoes,” he argued.

she turned to smile at him, he was behind her with his hands on her shoulders. he could see the tear stains on her face and the exhaustion in her eyes but here she was smiling at him. it made his heart flutter.

once they were in the elevator, heading to the fourth floor, he leaned his back against the wall of the elevator and pulled her to him. she turned around and circled her arms around him. “thank you,” she mumbled in to his chest.

“any time,” he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. 

they made their way to her apartment and once inside, he kicked his shoes off and hung his overcoat up on the hook by the door. “well, what do you wanna do?” he asked her.

“you mean aside from the obvious?” she cocked an eyebrow.

“aside from the obvious,” he nodded matter-of-factly.

she thought for a moment before answering. what would she like to do if she’s not sleeping? nothing really sounded appealing to her. she must have made a face because namjoon chuckled. “what?” 

“nothing. you’re just cute when you’re thinking,” he said, a blush creeping up his neck. he hoped it wasn’t noticeable. 

“i’m having a hard time landing on something to do. i should’ve gone to your house, then i could sit in while you work,” she whined.

“too late,” he said with a laugh. 

“can we just lay down?” she asked. it didn’t matter how many times this happened, she was always shy about it.

“of course, whatever you want,” he grabbed her hand and led her down the hall to her bedroom.

she climbed into her bed. something that felt like both an escape and a prison. once under the comforter and sheet, she curled herself into namjoon’s side, one hand on his chest. she sighed as she began to trace shapes on the fabric of his shirt. 

he wrapped his arm around her and held her close, placing another kiss to the top of her head. after several silent beats, he thought that maybe she had finally fallen asleep. but then she  spoke.

“you know i love you, right?” it was just above a whisper.

“i know. i love you too.”

“you’re the best thing in my life,” that was a whisper.

“hey,” he maneuvered so he was looking at her. it was hard to see in the dark of the room but her eyes were shining in the little light that came from a night light that she always insisted was for safety purposes. she was tearing up again. “there’s so many good things in your life. i can count eight right now, would you like me to name them?”

she nodded.

“one: scarlett. that girl wouldn’t know what to do without you,” the mention of her friend made her give a choked laugh. “two through seven: jin, yoongi, hoseok, jimin, taehyung, and jungkook. they have gotten so much joy getting to know you, you bring them back to the world when they get in their heads. eight: me. you’re my best friend and much like scarlett, i wouldn’t know what to do without you.”

she was full-on crying now, head buried in his chest, hiding. 

“do you know what makes these things so good?” he asked.

she shook her head.

“you do. without you all of us would have a little less light in our lives,” he used his hand that wasn’t around her to run his fingers through her hair.

he didn’t know what was going through her head at this moment as she was buried in his chest. but he kept his motions in her hair with his hand, hoping to sooth her and maybe she could sleep for a few hours. he was starting to feel tired himself for the first time all night, now that he was in a dark room, in a bed, comfortable. he willed himself to stay awake until she was asleep, however. he knew that this could mean he doesn’t sleep until the next night but it was a risk he was willing to take. for her.

he saw the sun start to poke through the crack in her curtains. he guessed it must be about 5 or 6 in the morning now. he ignored it as he tightened his arm around her. he felt her hum in contentment. he thought maybe she had fallen asleep so he quietly questioned, “babe?”

when he got no answer he smiled to himself and closed his own eyes. he didn’t know how long she would sleep but he felt good enough in that she had at least dozed off for a bit. he also knew that if she woke up before him, she’d do her best to not wake him as she moved around the apartment, no matter how many times he told her she didn’t have to let him sleep.

#bts fanfic #kim namjoon #rm bts #rm #fluff #bts fluff #rm fluff #namjoon fluff #kim namjoon fluff

[bubblexly]

so I discovered bts during Skool Luv Affair and I was in a really dark place at the time

yall know where that's going

so they helped me a lot then I got caught up with high school and barely kept up with what they were doing and they it made me really sad that I wasnt enjoying them anymore

low and behold they're helping me through another mental break that not even my physician or therapist understand and just...

♡thank you bts♡

#ill always be an army #i never dont pay attention but yall get it #diagnosed bipolar/general anxiety disorder/major depressive disorder/ptsd/bpd tendencies #its a hell of a life #my meds just arent working anymire so i gotta up the dosage :/ #bangtan #bts #personal #jungkook #v #jimin #jhope #rm #suga #jin #jeon jeongguk #kim taehyung #park jimin #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #min yoongi #kim seokjin #minimini #text #hobi #agust d #kookie #tae #tae tae #skool luv affair

[aflowerfortheprettyone-blog]

No Omega | Chapter 3

Title: No Omega (You Make Me Question Everything)

Pairing: Jimin x Jungkook | Namjoon x Seokjin | Yoongi x Taehyung x Hoseok

Genre: Omegaverse | angst | fluff | possible smut

Warnings: Social issues | mentions of sexual assault and violence | mentions of smut and stuff | omegaverse

Author’s note: With my internet only working when it wants to, I’m finally able to post this. Sorry for the delay, now enjoy some Jungkook POV

When Jungkook wakes up he is alone. He doesn’t know what he was expecting but if feels wrong. The mattress is too soft and it hurts his back and his head throbs with pain, making it obvious for Jungkook that he isn’t home.

Home.

Jungkook doesn’t know why he would even think he was home. Even in his barely awoken state he knows his home is gone, he hasn’t been there in years. But perhaps it’s the comfort of the blankets and the darkness of the room that make his mind wander to the place he wishes he could still one day return to.

The house he grew up in is still a clear memory in his head. Jungkook can still smell the sweet scent of the flowers his father had planted in the garden, the medical herbs they grew in the backyard. The way his neighbors would visit them every Wednesday and exchange the news of the week. They used to have a close knit community where everyone helped each other and Jungkook truly missed that. He remembered how one of the betas had taught him the use of medicine. How he had spend hours upon hours just listening to her talk with so much excitement.

“You’ll need them when you’re an adult,” she had said as she made Jungkook write down what each herb was used for.

She had been like the doctor of their community. Without a year in medical school, she had learned everything on her own after being cast away from her former community. She had had to learn to fend for herself and even though she could hardly fight, she knew how to take care of the injuries she got while trying. That’s why, after running into Jungkook’s grandfather and tending to his wounds, she was welcomed into their community as a healer without a second thought. And after Jungkook grew older and showed interest of the profession, she had taken him under her wing, to teach her of the human body, and his type especially. Jungkook missed her, more that he’d ever care to admit. She had been older, but she had treated Jungkook as an equal, something he had taken for granted back then. Now she was gone, with the rest of their community, soon forgotten by everyone around them.

The door opens to the dark room, a dim light shining directly to Jungkook’s distressed face, startling the boy. His first instinct is to run for it, but the voice of the stranger keeps him still.

“Oh, you’re awake.” The man’s voice is soothing and makes Jungkook resist his survival instinct. He wants to run, but he doesn’t. The man doesn’t feel threatening and even though Jungkook knows better than to trust a stranger, something about the blonde male that walks slowly towards him makes Jungkook feel safe.

But regardless of those feelings, a low growl makes its way up Jungkook’s throat, and he lets it, as he figures it doesn’t give out much. It’s a warning. It tells the other to keep his hands of and the man does. Jungkook buries his clenched fists in the warm blanket, glaring at the other, and he stops to next to the bed.

“I’m not afraid of you, you know,” the man states, laying the items in his hands, a tray of what Jungkook assumes is soup and water, to the bedside table.

“And you shouldn’t be afraid of me.”

The surprise on Jungkook’s face is evident when the older flashes his clear blue eyes. An omega was not what Jungkook had expected when he looked at the man. He looked too good, too healthy, too… normal, to be an omega is a alpha’s mansion. Even if he was just a worker in the estate, Jungkook found his condition odd. Usually omegas were slim, some even underweight, had dry skin and dark circles under their eyes. That’s what everyone in the facility had looked like anyway. Jungkook still has time to distinguish betas and omegas outside of those cold stone walls, mainly because it doesn’t matter to him. He only has to know who bared the status of an alpha.

“We thought you’d feel most comfortable with another omega,” the man smiles as he blinks his eyes a few times, the ocean blue fading into dark orbs. Jungkook frowns at we, contemplating if he actually wants to know who else resides in the house. He is curious but he keeps his mouth shut.

The omega sits on the chair next to the bed. In the dim light of the bedside lamp the man switched on, Jungkook can tell the man is older than him. His plain t-shirt rests on broad shoulders, his hair looking almost golden in the glow of the warm light. His eyes study Jungkook little too intensively for the younger’s liking, not saying a word for a long time. When he finally does speak, much to Jungkook’s surprise, he apologizes.

“Sorry, I’m just trying to figure out what you’re thinking right now. You’re not easy to read though.”

Jungkook is rather happy about that. He figures that being able to hide things is what has kept him alive that long.

“Could you tell me your name?” The man looks at Jungkook, carefully examining his expressions, but continues with a smile after a short silence. “It’s alright if you don’t want to, I understand.” Jungkook wonders if the omega could never really understand but he stays, once again, silent. Over the years in the facility Jungkook has learned to keep his thoughts to himself. He doesn’t ask and he doesn’t tell. It’s the best way to ensure your safety, Jungkook thinks. Saying something without thinking could get you into a lot of trouble and telling too much could get you killed. In fact, he doesn’t remember when was the last time he ever said something that held any value to anyone but Sora. She was the exception and during the dark hours when they couldn’t sleep, they would spill their secrets to each other.

“I’m Seokjin,” the man smiles. It’s a handsome smile, Jungkook admits. It’s the type of smile where you don’t have to look at the mouth to see the person in actually smiling because the eyes tell it all. It’s all in those dark eyes that seem to gleam in the glow of the table lamp. It’s an unusual look for an omega and Jungkook doesn’t know when was the last time he saw a smile that sincere.

“I live here, with five others but you’ll meet them later. For now just focus on getting better.”

Jungkook knows the confusion is evident on his face as he keeps switching his focus between Seokjin’s eyes, trying to find some hint of what the man means - and only finding the same spark of kindness. As far as Jungkook is concerned, the alpha who bought him lives alone. He’s been living alone since his sons moved out. Jungkook feels the chills running down his spine as the realisation hits him like a bullet train. He doesn’t actually know where he is.

Jungkook remembers being dragged out of the auction hall, down the stairs to the entrance of the building - they didn’t even let him pack anything to take with him. He remembers clearly how they shoved him to the backseat of a black car. The seats were dark leather, well maintained although the smell of new leather was gone, replaced by cologne and cigarette smoke. There was a dim light coming from the digital monitor, just enough for Jungkook to see the man next to him pull out a syringe. He was about to question what he was doing, to fight against him, but before he got to it, the needle had already pierced the skin of his shoulder, a dulling liquid making its way through Jungkook’s body. First his vision blurred into nothing and soon after he was no longer able to hear the sounds around him.

“-y! Hey!” Jungkook snaps his head towards the omega who is almost sitting on the bed, his hands shaking Jungkook lightly by his shoulders. Seokjin’s smile is gone and the omega studies Jungkook’s face with concern.

“Are you alright? Did I do something wrong?” Jungkook stares at the older for a while, silently fighting a war inside his head, until he opens his mouth.

“Where am I?” Jungkook feels slight relief as his voice doesn’t stutter like he had feared. Showing the other that he is nervous, scared even, is the last thing he wants. His voice is still raspy, most likely from the lack of use, but it doesn’t sound weak.

For a while the omega stares at Jungkook with a blank expression as if the wheels in his head were trying to make sense of the words Jungkook had spoken. Then slowly he retreats back from the bed and onto his chair. He shakes his head couple of times back and forth until he finally manages to speak yet another apology.

“I’m sorry, I forgot. You weren’t conscious when you came, of course you wouldn’t know.” Jungkook doesn’t know if the last sentence is for him of the omega himself but as he gets no direct answer, he speaks again.

“Where am I? Where is he?” His tone is harsher than he had anticipated, earning him a surprised look from the omega as well.

“He?” Seokjin asks and his eyes become large when he realizes what the younger is implying. “The chairman doesn’t live here.”

It takes a while for Jungkook to wrap his head around the title. He doesn’t know why he is surprised, after all, he didn’t expect the omega to address the man by his name. The more he thinks about it, the more obvious it is for Seokjin to call him that. After all, he is the chairman of his company, a large company at that and the title’s tend to remain even past office hours.

Seokjin startles Jungkook out of his thoughts as he hands him the glass of water he brought with him earlier. The omega nods at the younger reassuringly, encouraging him to drink it down his dry throat. Jungkook hesitates to comply but does so after he tries to decline but nothing comes out of his mouth. He quickly gulps the liquid down, his throat no longer feels like the Saharan desert, and he mutters an almost silent thank you. Jungkook figures he should at least be polite to the man that seems eager to take care of him, even if he doesn’t trust him.

“So,” Seokjin begins as he sets the empty glass back on the tray. “To answer your question, you’re not in the chairman’s house. We’re quite far from it actually. I understand you must be confused because he did buy you, right?” Jungkook nods.

“Right. But he didn’t buy you for himself. He bought you for his son.”

Jungkook has to look away to process the information. He had been right back in the facility when he thought there was no use for him in the alpha’s hands. He hadn’t however thought about the other possibilities. He hadn’t really had the time to. Everything that happened after he was let out from his cage had been kind of a blur, giving him no opportunity to figure out what was happening.

At first the thought of being bought for the chairman’s son is worrying. If he is anything like his father, Jungkook’s life would be hell. But the more he thinks about it he realizes that he knows next to nothing about his son, either of them, really. He knows they are older than Jungkook himself, working in their father’s company and one of them would eventually inherit the business. He knows about the fates’ of their mothers’ but that is pretty much it. And from the way Seokjin is talking about him without fear in his eyes, Jungkook can’t help but to grow hopeful, thinking that perhaps this wouldn’t be that bad. But as the omega continues speaking, the hopefulness is soon replaced by anger - the same anger he’s held inside of him ever since the death of his family.

“You have absolutely nothing to worry about. Jimin is the sweetest alpha I’ve ever met and won’t lay a finger on you without consent. You’re safe here,” Seokjin assures with a smile. He picks up the bowl from the tray, about to hand it to Jungkook when the younger snaps.

“Safe?” Jungkook’s eyes burn with fire, his form shaking as the memories flood straight back into his consciousness. Those are the memories he thinks he had locked into the deepest corner of his brain in order to forget them for the rest of his life.

“Are you really so naive that you believe that?”

Jungkook sees the older flinch at his words, eyes locked in Jungkook’s black ones. He stares for a while and slowly his expression changes from surprised to pain and to something Jungkook wishes to never see in anyone’s face. Pity. The man looks at Jungkook with pity evident in his eyes, slowly lowering his gaze and setting the bowl back down. Seokjin doesn’t say anything as he gets up from the chair. He makes his way to the door he came in from just a moment before. The omega’s hand rests on the door handle for a while and he looks at Jungkook slowly.

“I meant what I said. I’m sorry if you can’t believe me.” Seokjin is out of the door as quickly as he had come in, leaving the younger in confused state of mind. He doesn’t understand the omegas response or actions, he doesn’t get what had just happened. His breath is hitching, breaking the silence in the room. Jungkook is glad that the man is gone but also terrified, because his chest is tight as if his body was pressed in between two walls and he isn’t sure how long he’ll lasts before his body gives out form the lack of oxygen. Slowly everything turns to a shade of grey until it fades to black.

#jungkook is low key bipolar #one second he's nice and polite and the next his eyes are glowing with anger #but i love him anyway #writing #fanfic #fiction #fanfiction #bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfction #bts fluff #bts angst #jungkook #jimin #seokjin #jin #namjoon #rap monster #yoongi #suga #hoseok #jhope #taehyung #v #omegaverse #chapter 3

[angellgguk]

Bullet holes in my heart [Min Yoongi ]

warning/s, mentions of [ infidelity, oral (f.receiving), demeaning names, blood, gun play, yoongi’s kinda bipolar, toxic relationship, homicide, runaways, mentioned jimin ]

genre [ smut, angst, yandere ]

wc [ 2k (2010 hehe) ]

synopsis [ you loved the killer that was assigned to you but you couldn’t help but break his trust as a routine. but it was fine, because eventually at the end of the day you two would always find each other ]

hitman! yoongi x fem reader.

31.01.2021 [ i wrote this because i have thought of min yoongi x gun for a long time.try giving this love please ]

This was not supposed to happen, no this was far from what should have happened.

But eventually here he was, your killer in between your legs pushing out the sweetest sounds exclusively for him to heed.your fingers were threaded in his soft tuft of black hair, pulling his mouth in for more.”mhmm-yoongi, s-so good” he chuckled and pinned your waist back to the creaking mattress when it arched off from the immense pleasure, merely only from the tongue he constantly boasted about.

Min yoongi was supposed to shoot a bullet through your head years ago, never would he have imagined that he would be holding his victim's legs apart to dive his tongue in between to devour the sweet nectar.

With a heavy heart he let your clit go and pulled away with beads of saliva following but he was quick to break the string when he licked the sweet essence off his lips while staring intently at your enlarged clit and your hole clenching around, aching to be filled.”pretty” he murmured as he dropped down once again to run his tongue all the way from your taut, coveted hole to your swollen clit.

He let your thighs go as he leaned towards your face with a loose smirk hanging off his lips.you instinctively reached for his lips when he got closer.with a dark snicker he enveloped your eager edges with his own, bruised ones.

You whined and pulled him closer by the crimson stained shirt to taste your own essence, the whiskey he sipped on for dinner and the nicotine he ruined himself with.the hand that was resting next to your waist moved up to cradle your face and deepen the kiss, “too pretty” he repeated into your mouth as he pulled away to drag his kisses down to your unmarred neck and your protruding collarbones.

Your lured your bottom lip into your mouth as you watched him kiss down your healing skin.he let his hand slide back to your sopping cunt, being generous to push a metal adorned finger inside, inducing a loud moan from you.with a smile he stopped at a particular newly blossomed bruise, as red as the chrysanthemum he plucks right out from the bush opposite the apartment you two sneaked in for the time being.

Or until his karma finds him.

He ran his warm tongue over your ice cold skin, as if he wanted to suck the bruise back in.you tweaked your swollen nipple in between your fore and middle finger as he continued to pump his digit inside you, adding another occasionally only to pull it out as soon as he pushed it in. ”what would have happened if Namjoon never assigned me to you?”

You gasped and threw your head back when he thrust two more fingers inside you to pump in a motion so fast, that you heard the obscene squelching filling the room and filling your musky scent in the previously smoke and blood reeking space. You bucked your hips into him and gripped onto your breast with your mouth parted wide, letting out desperate little whimpers.he smiled against your skin and pumped his long, deserved emerald clad digits inside you. ”y-yoongi, please oh god!” he caught onto what you babbles meant but he wasn’t known to give in easily.

“Princess” he murmured as he sat back on his knees while staring down at your mumbling naked glory with his fingers still moving fast inside you to stretch you enough, “Namjoon assigned me to kill you” he curled his fingers deeper to earn a mewl from you, “that means your mine little one, not park jimin’s”

Your breathing halted at this, he knew like always he was aware of what you had done because of the insatiable lust in you. When your lover had set out to ravage another faceless man.you lived up to your name as the slut yoongi often called you as when he would backhand you for the sins he made you commit then kissed his hand’s imprint soon after..

You gulped and tried to search his onyx orbs for mercy, only ceasing when you saw that he was blind with rage.he abruptly pulled his fingers out of you and wrapped the same hand around your throat in a purposeful grip to bruise the soft skin.”you could’ve told me if you weren’t satisfied” he tightened his grip but his voice faltered.”was Jimin better than I could ever be?”

You were very well aware that the anger he was trying to showcase was laced with obvious insecurity.he gulped a thick lump in before looking deep into your eyes, “princess, was I never clear enough?”

This was when you hated him.

You loved him even when his smoke burnt your skin or when his boots stepped on your face but when he started to doubt himself enough to let you sob in guilt, you loathed him for what the feelings he gave you without consent.

He uncurled his fingers around your neck and pulled you up by your arms, kissing the blooming bruise in your neck then moving his lips up towards your cheek to peck the tears away.”I love you too much” he declared against your cheek.he closed his eyes and let his lashes to flutter against your warm skin.

“Maybe that’s why you hurt me so much” you didn’t allow him time to cry, instead sobbing yourself.you tried to wrap your arms around him and be in his safe and warm embrace.but he pushed you back down and watched your breasts jiggle as he wiped the incoming tears away from the back of his hand.

He ripped the buttons off his worn out shirt and exposed the different unhealed bruises decorating his pale skin.your blurred vision unconsciously met the black inked dragon roaring proudly over his chest. When the shirt was completely ripped off he hovered over you and tilted your neck to the side to suck noisily to create a prominent mark, he knew it was not permanent or even useful but he eventually did suck on a few more for the moment.

He didn’t know what he was supposed to do, what had Jimin not done? With busy eyes he scanned your body and let his hands roam every inch of you as if you were his beretta he was polishing for the very first time.

You whimpered and tried to shove him off you, not because you were disgusted of his rough and calloused hands on your soft skin but because you wanted him to touch you with the love and desire he emitted of everytime he put his hands on you, even when he was raged at you for once again losing his trust he still made sure to touch you with nothing else but love, the type you ached for with an open heart.

“You were so pure angel” he reminisced as he ran his sinned hands across your spine and pulled you close with his lips sucking feverishly around your areola.he gasped and almost sobbed when he pulled away, “what did I do to you?”

Your tears were flowing without a break as Yoongi’s just begun.he tried to wipe it off but it eventually came back as more.and that was why he spent almost an hour sobbing into the soft flesh of your breasts about how he had tainted your innocence, as you tried to keep your own wails in.

It felt like he was ripping another part of your sanity away when he pulled away with a bloated face.he sniffled loud and gulped another lump in as he reached behind to pull his shining weapon out of its holster.you didn’t bother flinching, it has been two years of the same routine.

He loves, you regret, he cries and you love him more.

He kept his grip tight on the wood of the gun’s grip before resting his forefinger on the trigger.he didn’t think more to press the muzzle to your perspiring forehead with the ice cold glare that had you fearing if he would actually pull the trigger one day for the times you stepped on his heart only to blow on it and do the same as a cycle.

He scoffed when he saw the lack of fear in your eyes, “you know I can kill you like this don’t you?” you smiled and closed your eyes.he dragged the cold metal down to rest it on top of your upper lips, “why do you stutter then Yoongi?, do it” his smirk came back from all those hours ago as he watched you lure another one of his prized possessions inside your mouth, until it hit the back of your throat.

With pure satisfaction he watched you gag and tear as if it was his own cock that was fucking your mouth.”I should just fucking shoot this bullet right trhough your head one day” if it wasn’t for his gun you would have laughed at his face for the ridiculous bet.killing you was neither the first or last thing in his mind, but you were aware it was not prominent enough for now.

You instantly whined when he pulled the weapon away from your mouth, a heavy string of saliva followed as he did so.he tapped the gun against your cheek before dragging it down to your Mons pubis.he let the weight carelessly rest against it as he unbuckled his belt with the same glare on your desperate self.

“Gonna give it to you so good” he promised and spread your legs wider as he released his hard cock from his briefs you almost drooled at the sight, no matter the amount of men that’s fucked you, they would never stand a chance when compared to yoongi.

He gripped the base before running his hand along his thick length, “you wouldn’t even think of another man” he hissed and hovered over you, his gun was pushed away and his cock brushed against your awaiting hole.

His grip on your jaw was hard as he forced you to look straight at him before he covered your lips with his bruised ones.you relished in the feeling for a few moments before morphing the contentment in pleasure when he pushed himself in with a grunt, muted by your own whine.

Your eyes automatically rolled to the back of your head when he thrust in deeper by second.you let your nails leave temporary scratches in his pale skin.he grabbed your wrists and pinned them next to your head as he started his favored pace.”fuck princess, you have no idea what I’m capable of are you,?” in all honesty you did.

He looked down with lust blurring his vision.he stared at your parted mouth for a few seconds before puckering his lips to let a thick glob of spit fall right against your tongue and the rest gliding down through your throat and spreading all over the red hues in your neck.

His lips hover over your own, “you won’t leave my sight ever again, would you angel?” the deep strokes of his thrusts and the genuine love in his voice had you nodding against him.even though it was a blunt lie.

But you were content because this was what love meant to the both of you, hurting constantly but craving more for the pain.he was aware that you would go to another man for your pleasure the moment he leaves the door, and you knew that another man would be bleeding and reeking in the middle of the room just like Jimin was.

But the inexplicable love between the both of you will continue, he would kill and make love to you with the blood staining your once pure body and you would savor the warm liquid, and crave for more the moment it dried.

angellggukk (2019-2021), reblogs are always longed for.

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