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buck-nialled · 3 years

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3:1 - B. Barnes Imagine

NOTE: this is my first time writing for bucky or sebastian stan in general so feedback is appreciated! please let me know if you like this and if you'd like to see more. THIS DOES CONTAIN SMUTTY UNDERTONES TOWARDS THE END, MINORS DNI

TAGLIST: I just added sebastian stan/characters to my taglist form so if you already filled it out before just message me and I'll add you to this one.

three times bucky was clueless with technology and the one time he used it right

Despite spending most of his less-than-average life inside of a giant freezer and aging up to triple digits—if we’re speaking technically, your boyfriend still gained many physical benefits compared to most men his age. For one thing, he is still alive and breathing—a huge accomplishment, if anything, maybe even a record. The physical appearance and athletic ability he still maintained were not a downside either. As far as anybody is concerned, James Buchanan Barnes appears like any other millennial/super-soldier/metal arm-bearing person.

With exception to the fact that the man himself can’t even call you on your phone without needing assistance. That sentence is way less sad when taking into account that he was not alive for the upbringing of touch screens and AI’s, which happened to be waiting everywhere around the complex to aid him and his various, enigmatic asks, such as:

“My phone died. How do I revive it?”

“What did I win a free iPad for?”

“Friday, what does the word ‘bih’ mean?”

Once speaking the last one, he is left unanswered, and Friday is alerting you in the living area moments later.

“Y/N, Mr. Barnes is needing your assistance with a text you sent. He would like a definition of the word ‘bih’ but I cannot find it in my dictionary.” The AI asking for your help in babysitting Bucky on his phone earns a snort from you.

“Thanks, Friday. I’ll go help him.” You heave yourself up from the couch cushion and march towards his bedroom--technically, it is both of yours now. After reaching the entrance, a smile crawls onto your lips at the sight before you. The hefty Miriam-Webster English dictionary splayed open on your lover’s lap as he flips through pages, reciting miscellaneous words his eyes land on in search of the one from your message.

“Big, bin, bio…” Seconds later, he is slamming the book shut and tossing it aside. A loud thud resounds across the room as you watch it land on the hardwood floor. When you glance back up to announce your presence to Bucky, you see his gaze already transfixed on you. A quiet huff comes from him, and his eyes avert from your figure in the doorway, his cheeks becoming tinged with an opaque red. It was no puzzle that the sergeant despised calling for help, even on the minuscule tasks, like how to turn the flash of his camera off or define a slang term unbeknownst to him until your message was delivered to his phone.

“A little birdy told me you needed help.” You cross your arms over your chest, leaning against the doorframe with a satisfied smirk. You were one of the few and trusted Bucky had learned to open up to in the time that you have come to know him. No matter the issue, or how long it took for you to wear down the stubbornness on his tongue, the plea would sound eventually.

“I just don’t know what this word means.” He grunts. “Is it a typo?”

A line of giggles fall from you at his hopelessly confused expression--eyebrows furrowed, pupils appearing lost in thought at this simple “code word” he couldn’t crack. It made you want to swaddle him in the softest blanket and cuddle him until eternity.

“That’s because it’s not a real word,” you begin through laughs. The scrunch on his face only deepens in its perplexity. “‘Bih’ is short for...it’s short for bitch.” You shrug. His mouth parts in revelation.

“So you...you think I’m a…” he turns his eyes down to the pixelated string of messages…”thick female dog?” You snicker.

“‘Thick bih’ is a compliment, Buck. It just means I like your body a lot.”

“Oh...thank you?” He casts his eyes up at you once more, quirking a brow.

“You’re welcome.”

“Anyways...now that you’re here. I emailed you a photo.” He shoots a wink in your direction. Almost as though you two had traded faces, the confused look transferred over to your wrinkled forehead and tilted head.

“Oh...okay. I’ll check it later.”

You thought nothing of it, and let his statement slip your mind. It was not until later that you decided to scan through your emails with Wanda, who mentioned something mission-related in your inbox that she demanded the two of you look at and study. As you skimmed through to find it, you deleted several junk emails and starred some important ones. When you landed on the electronic mail your boyfriend mentioned earlier and clicked on it, your breath left you at the large photo of his considerably-sized girth.

“Woah! Woah!” Wanda squeals, reaching her hand up to shield her eyes now tainted with the sight of your man’s junk. The early afternoon comes back into your mind, with you against the doorframe, Bucky throwing the dictionary and demanding a translation of your text, and the wink he threw at you.

Of course, the wink. It should have been obvious what the intentions behind his email were at that point, but then again it really shouldn’t have. Because who sends nude photos over email?

“Oh my god,” you breathe out, now wearing red cheeks. You turn to face Wanda who is already out of her seat and facing away from the computer screen, calling back to you in a desperate scurry to her room, “We’ll just talk later!”

“Bucky,” you enter the bedroom with a growl minutes later, a rather great contrast to what you were feeling earlier in the day.

“Hey, doll. Did you ever open my email?” He was seated on the edge of the bed, eyeing something on his phone. He quickly pockets it, allowing you his undivided attention.

“Yeah, and Wanda had something to say about it too.” The comment came out through gritted teeth, but he deciphered every word. His blue eyes enlarged, petrified.

“She was with you? Wh-why’d you let her see it?” He almost squeals in his fit of mortification. Serves him right, you think to yourself. He won’t have to face Wanda and apologize to her later.

“I didn’t know when you said “picture” earlier you meant a nude! Who sends a dick pic over email, Bucky?” Silence follows your outcry until his deep voice pipes up moments later.

“Is that not normal?” He is fiddling with his fingers, clenching his teeth in anticipation of your answer. Which is an expected:

“No.” The man in front of you turns feeble, wearing a humiliated face that turns your insides to mush. The twenty-plus minutes of lashing you were practicing in your head on your walk to the room disappeared as he turns his face down.

“I’m sorry, doll. You know...you know I’m not good with this stuff.” A sigh exits your lips as Bucky is approached by your consoling figure. You take a seat beside him on the bed and a comforting hand takes place on his metal shoulder, with you leaning your head down on the flesh one, closest to you.

“I know, Buck. Just warn a girl next time...with more than a wink.”

“In 1943 that was considered a warning.” The two of you chuckle.

“You know what, better yet...” your hands are flying to his pocket before he can stop them. He barely utters the question before you’re fingertips are tapping across the screen.

“Hey, what’re you--”

“You should really put a lock on this thing.” You chuckle. “A thumbprint, passcode...something.”

“You can do that?” His ludicrous question has you fighting a roll of your eyes. Shaking your head, you wait a few moments for the application to install on the device, and smile triumphantly when the neon yellow square pops up on his home screen. The white ghost in the middle of the icon stares back at him when you place the phone back in his hands.

“There you go.”

“What is this?” He clicks the app to find out for himself, only to be met with the options of logging in or creating an account.

“An app that’s appropriate for sending nudes.” Shivers trail down his spine from your whisper against the shell of his ear. He hums, admiring the screen for a few seconds and taking no further action to make an account.

“You need help, don’t you?”

“It’d be appreciated.”

Since that encounter, your significant other has learned the basics of social platforms and how to properly exploit each one for his needs. Ignoring the one week where he discovered Snapchat filters and send photos of himself in every single one nonstop, the most common one you two have grown to use is the messaging application. It was efficient and easy for him to understand.

Until he, much like when he used Snapchat, discovered something new. And that something new was emojis. After receiving a Snapchat notification from him, which could no doubt be holding either a photo of him with the dancing weiner or his actual one, he shot you a text message from across the compound.

did you see my chatsnap? 🌚

You chose to disregard the blatant, incorrect name and reply:

yes, buck. I get notifications

and WHY THE HELL DID YOU SEND THAT EMOJI??? 😫

what? it’s just a moon 🌚🌚🌚 see?

I can see it’s a moon Bucky. Why did you choose that one?

It’s nighttime. and I’m smiling. It fits.

It’s creepy is what it is

It’s just a moon! 🌚

STOP SENDING IT! 😖😖

fine.

🌝

🤦‍♀️ that’s not what I meant

it’s not my fault you’re scared of the moon, y/n 💅

You chose to change the subject then, no longer holding the desire to stare at the infamous “molester moon” or bucky’s new use of emojis in a sassy manner

please tell me the snap you sent isn’t of the dancing hot dog again

I could tell you that

but I’d be lying if I did.

🙄

🌝 I think this one's my favorite

The third time Bucky struggled with the new-age doodads surrounding him, his rage was at an all-time high. But his reaction is justifiable after discovering it was purely out of fear.

“Do you know what the weather’s gonna be like tomorrow?” He mumbles as the two of you were longing on the bed, his head resting comfortably in the crook of your neck and shoulder.

“Not sure, why?”

“Was thinkin’ we could go to that café. The one with the jukebox.” His head bounces with your body as you let out a few light laughs.

“Because it’s the one piece of technology you can actually use?” He pulls away from you defensively, a frown smeared on his face.

He whines out. “I am not that bad with technology?” You roll your eyes and reach for your phone on the bedside table, clicking the button on the side.

“Hey Siri, what’s the weather look like tomorrow?” You ask aloud, cueing Bucky to furrow his eyebrows.

“Let’s see...the weather tomorrow—“ you were unable to hear the rest of the AI’s sentence due to the sight of Bucky springing out of bed and tugging the set of sharpened knives from his pants.

“Whose there? Who the hell said that?”

“Bucky—“

“I think the complex may have been hacked. Come on, let’s go get Bruce o-or somebody.” He stutters out in a panic, tugging your body behind him in a protective manner. Siri was still activated on your phone, which was now lying on the bed.

“I’m not quite sure I understand—“

“Who the hell are you?!” He demands in a loud voice.

“Bucky, Bucky…” you rest your hands on both his shoulders, urging him to calm down. “It’s just my phone.” After the quick reassurance, he feels his shoulders slump.

“Oh...oh…I knew that.” He puts his knives away, following you as you crawled back into bed. Before fully getting beneath the covers, he sheathes himself of his trousers and top, leaving him only in a pair of boxers.

“Sure you did.” You reply.

“I did.” He insists, before covering both of you with your comforter. Before succumbing to a much-needed rest though, he reaches over and grabs a knife left on the floor, tucking it beneath his pillow.

Just in case.

The following morning, Bucky is no longer paranoid that the complex was hijacked and broken into. Rather, his mind was on a package he ordered online (AND ALL BY HIMSELF, a large victory if you ask him) that, according to the tracker, is one stop away. When you peeked your eyes open to admire him beneath the covers basking in the morning glow, his mischievous smile lit something warm inside you.

“What’s got you so smiley?” You yawn through languid blinks. He only responds with a shrug, aiming to keep the box a secret.

“Big day ahead, why don’t you go start us a shower. I’ll meet you there.” He smirks, blue eyes flashing with something cunning. At this point, you were even more curious.

“Big day? I thought we were just going for coffee?”

“When I’m with you, it’s always a big day.” His raspy voice is sly, metal hand even slyer as it glides up and down your hip.

“Alright Barnes, you win. See you in a minute.” You press your lips to his for a short few seconds and heave your body up from the bed to venture to the connected bathroom. As soon as you crack the door behind you, Bucky leaps from his spot in the sheets and nearly stumbles to the ground, his foot getting tangled in part of the bedding. He wastes no time scurrying to the front door, nearly nude and praying to God nobody would cross paths with him. Seeing the package laying on the doormat in all its glory--Bucky swore he heard angels singing hymns from above. Taking it into his grip and hustling back to his room took little-to-no time. When he slipped inside of the bathroom, he found you removing your hair from the messy knot you threw it up in the night prior, the rest of you bare.

He dropped his boxers and followed you inside the transparent cube, soon to become fogged with the warm steam and your panting breaths if he is lucky enough to pull another round from you.

Spoiler alert, he got lucky. Twice.

Whilst getting dressed, he halts your attempt at wiggling on a pair of leggings.

"I have a surprise for you." He says, waltzing over to the package he haphazardly threw on the bed in his eagerness to join you in the shower. The package lies in your hands seconds later, Bucky delivering you a nod as permission to tear it open. Once you do, your jaw unhinges at the packaging.

The small, pink sex toy stared back at you in all its glory. You could only muster a few blinks at it, wondering how your boyfriend managed to deliver this to himself all on his own yet still strains himself in trying to change his profile picture.

"Wha--how..." you are at a loss of words, to say the least. His piercing blue eyes grow dark at the sight of you holding his surprise.

"It's a big day today, because..." he snatches the packaged toy from you, beginning to open it, "you're gonna wear this out for me today. And I'm gonna control it." Your eyes grow big at his explanation before they dart to the now unpackaged vibrator.

"There's no remote." You point out, and gasp as Bucky holds up his phone for your eyes to see. The application which connects the controls of the vibrator to his phone stares back at you dauntingly.

"Figured I'd give this wifi-powered one a try. But, you know how I am with technology so...it may take awhile for me to get the hang of it," his tone is sultry as he mumbles, and it sends chills through you that directly target your privates. His eyes bore into yours, still holding that look of playfulness from earlier.

"Finish getting ready, doll. I'm ready to take this thing for a test drive."

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #Sebastian stan imagines #Sebastian stan imagine #Sebastian stan fluff #Sebastian stan smut #Sebastian stan angst #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x reader

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scintillatingshortgirl19 · 3 years

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Loki’s Line About Betraying Everyone

I need to talk about this line (spoiler: I’m not happy about it). I was going to just include this in the full episode response post I’m working on, but it got long enough that I decided to make it its own.

First of all, here’s the full quote: "I betrayed everyone who ever loved me. I betrayed my father, my brother, my home. I know what I did. And I know why I did it. And that's not who I am anymore."

Y'all, I'm less emotional about it now but this line fucked me up when I first heard it. It hit me like a ton of bricks while watching the episode for the first time because I was actually doing fine and wasn't significantly bothered by anything up until that point, and then came that line and I suddenly almost felt physically ill. I actually wrote up a post about it that night but never posted it because it was essentially just a lot of screaming, so I've now taken pieces of that and formed a hopefully more coherent post (though it still contains a good amount of screaming). So, I get that the idea that Loki’s betrayed Thor over and over is a Commonly Accepted Thing. It's really a lot more complicated than that, and there are a lot of gray areas involved, but fine, I'll give them that one. But - when did Loki betray his father? When did Loki betray his home?? I’m not just mad about it, this is...a legitimate question. I mean with the father thing, I guess the only thing could be the nursing home in Ragnarok/taking the throne from him? Which is irrelevant anyway because this Loki didn’t do that and doesn't even know it happened in the main timeline?? And besides, it PALES, like, hilariously, in comparison to any one of multiple things Odin did to him before that (not counting any fanon here - just the canon things that we know of!) I am just so confused, especially about the betraying Asgard thing. WHEN? LITERALLY WHEN? Guys, there is no film in which that took place.

If I trusted the narrative, I would say the most logical thing to conclude - at least about the betraying Asgard part - is that this is a setup for Loki to later realize he actually saved Asgard by causing Ragnarok (because that's the closest thing I can think of to "betraying his home"), which could even tie into something about, idk, helping him realize he’s capable of being a hero? (or something) and it would be a good follow-up to the moment he found out about Ragnarok in episode 2, but...fuck, the way these lines were framed it really doesn't feel like anything like that is going to happen. I could be wrong, but these just didn't strike me as lines that are at any point going to be contradicted or even revisited.

And moving onto another part of the quote - "I know why I did it." Uh, I guess good for Loki for apparently knowing that...but the audience sure doesn't?? This is something we're just now being told and have not been shown at all?? I have a feeling Loki thinks he knows why but it unfortunately doesn't have anything to do with some of the biggest actual reasons, which are the abuses done to him that helped make him who he is. Even more unfortunately, I also have a feeling the creators are on roughly the same page as Loki here. So yeah, that's a real shame.

The core problem here seems to be where the writers are coming from, and @iamanartichoke worded it really well here, so I’m just going to quote her: “either the writing is being lazy by oversimplifying Loki’s motives, or it’s being deliberately misleading in order to retcon the character, or the writers genuinely believe that’s what happened, which implies a misunderstanding of Loki’s character kinda from the get-go - at least on what drives his villainy and what fuels his anger, which are pretty significant things.” I do think there’s a slight chance they were using Loki as an unreliable narrator here and the audience was supposed to pick up on the subtext (more on that at the end of this post), but I doubt it, and I think it’s very likely one or more of the options listed in the quote.

Honestly, I can explain Loki's line about betrayal (and his general lack of acknowledgement of his own trauma/legit grievances against his family) pretty easily in-universe. It makes sense that Loki himself would frame things as him betraying everyone who's ever loved him as if they never did anything to wrong him first, or that he would try to ignore what Thanos did to him in favor of putting all the blame on himself (coping with his trauma and loss of control by denying it). Or hell, maybe he would even straight up subconsciously invent a betrayal that never even happened, like the one about his home. I can totally understand Loki seeing the events of his life that way! That all lines up with his complete lack of self-worth, and to have him 1) recognize his mistakes and take responsibility for them (which has happened at this point in the show), but then progress on to 2) realize he isn't solely to blame for literally everything, and 3) recognize the role of his family and others in understanding why he is the way he is - that would be a very satisfying arc and is the natural direction that the story should take in episode 6. The problem is, I don't think the show is going that way. I think we're either supposed to take it at face value that Loki did in fact betray everybody who ever loved him (as if Loki is a reliable narrator when he's most certainly an unreliable one), or the audience is supposed to figure out that Loki's an unreliable narrator here - but the latter won't work, because the creators have to follow through on that subtext at some point and actually do something to indicate that what Loki said wasn't 100% true, and it doesn't feel like they're going to. You can't expect your audience to put any weight on subtext or even pick up on it in the first place if you never actually confirm anything, and your audience won't know your narrator is unreliable unless you tell them. If Loki being an unreliable narrator in that specific moment was their intention, only a small subset of fans are going to pick up on it. So the way they're framing it so far, the audience is simply going to see it the same way Loki does and not realize it's incorrect.

Unfortunately, as stated earlier, I think the most likely explanation is that the writers either don’t understand Loki, are being lazy, or are deliberately retconning. So while I take a degree of comfort in the in-universe explanation, it’s pretty damn infuriating to consider where the writer’s minds were probably at in reality, and how this set of lines is presenting Loki to the casual audience.

Tagging @iamanartichoke and @delyth88 if you guys have any thoughts?

#loki series negativity #loki spoilers #loki tv series #loki meta #loki series speculation #kind of #journey into mystery

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peakyblinderswhore · 3 years

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DAY 5 ⇨ HANUKKAH

GENRE: Hanukkah!au, Fluff, Reader (and author!!) learns about Hanukkah

SYNOPSIS: Alfie lives by himself in Margate, how he managed to meet you one day is beyond him but after that fateful day you visit him every weekend without fail. This weekend, he seems to have something to do, to which you end up learning more about him and Hanukkah. Who knew Alfie was hiding a good story?

PAIRING: Alfie x Reader

W/C: 1.6k

A/N: okay so this year, the last day of hanukkah falls the evening of dec 18th! (for the sake of this fic and the release date i thought it was appropriate). anyway, i’ve done some research, not extensive research, however, i’ve deemed it an appropriate amount for the length of the fic -- but(!) i’ve tried my best to keep it accurate. previously, my minimal knowledge stems from junior school (church of england school) where we lit the menorah on the appropriate days but it was never explained to me why! i’ve tried my best and learned a lot about the fesitval, however i am anxious that it still might not be correct so please don’t hesitate to correct me if any of this is incorrect or inaccurate and i will immediately address the issue. to the best of my knowledge this is an “accurate” representation. if this offends you in any way, tell me. i’m not here to offend you and nor do i have any intention to.

Standing in Alfie’s flat in Margate, you noticed that he was watching the window as the sun was setting. You had offered to clean up as he was completely blind in one eye -- a story you had heard and pretended you hadn’t as from time to time it upset you and had seen how often he was checking out there; you couldn’t figure out why.

Wiping your hands down the sides of your dress you had put on to see Alfie this evening, you walk over to him and sit next to him, leaning into his embrace. He had his arm resting on the back of the chair and the other was tapping against the arm. When you pressed your cheek into his chest you lifted an eyebrow, “What are you looking at out there? I can’t figure out what it is.”

He stills momentarily before letting his arm fall to wrap around you and pull you into him.

“It’s nothing. Well, it’s not nothing, just something small,” he brushes a strand of your hair behind your ear absentmindedly observing you as you look up at him through your thick lashes.

“What is it? I’ll look with you.”“Uh,” Alfie clears his throat, fiddling with his collar, “I’ve got to light some candles when it gets dark.”

You sit up, a confused look on your face, “Any… particular reason why?”

“It’s the last night of Hanukkah; the Jewish festival of lights,” he says, watching you to see your reaction.

You tilt your head and lean back onto your hands, “Hanukkah,” you test the word on your tongue, “you know, Alfie, love, you don’t talk much about being Jewish and what it entails.”

Alfie gives a half-hearted shrug, “It’s never come up.”

“I suppose it’s never mattered,” you begin, “it wasn’t something that was going to stop me from seeing you. Let’s talk about it now. It seems appropriate to start now rather than never.”

“Alright,” he looks over to you, one eye fogged over and the other staring right at you, “c’mere, though. It’s cold without you.”

Giggling, you lay down so your head is in his lap, and he reaches to run a hand through your hair. You slip your hand into his other hand and rest it on your stomach.

“I’d start from the beginning but everyone knows the beginning. You know The Old Testament?” You nod, being well acquainted with the Bible.

“That's the only story we know.”

You hum, “I remember you saying something like that before but I think we were walking along the beach and the waves muffled you a bit. It wasn’t a good day to listen and learn properly.”

Alfie smiles, “I know it in Hebrew. Some know it in Yiddish; I know it in Hebrew.”

He taps your arm and you look up to meet his eyes, he leans down and presses a kiss to your lips, “That’s the beginning part, very abbreviated for you. Tonight, I’m to light the Menorah when the sun sets.”

You sit up and your hair falls into your face, his hand lifting abruptly from where it had been running through your scalp, “That’s why you were looking out the window; you were watching for the sunset! Alfie,” you hit his arm lightly, “you should’ve said.”

“I did,” he moves arm so you can’t hit him anymore, “just now, infact,” he laughs at your frown.

“I don’t want to get in the way; it’s disrespectful to stop someone from practicing their religion and I was doing that without knowing.”

“Alright, woman,” he drawls, “let me explain then. I’m more than happy to tell you about where the tradition stems from.”

Alfie shakes his head and stands from his seated position, going about his business whilst still telling you the story.

You halt your attack on his arm, recoiling your arm and folding them across your chest, “The sun’s set, just about,” you sniff, “need a match?”

“For 8 days,” Alfie begins, rifling through some drawers in the sideboard, “we celebrate, lighting a candle a day, one more for how many days we’ve been celebrating.

“It’s not written in the Torah either as the event that this celebrates happened after it was written. It is, however, mentioned in the New Testament in the Bible -- or so I have been informed.”

You watch as digs around, still not having found what he was looking for, his broad shoulders moving under the guise of the waistcoat, compelling you to sit and observe for a moment longer before getting up to help him.

“You light them after sunset?” you question, coming up behind him and opening the other drawer and pulling out a box of matches first try, making Alfie sigh at how easy you made it look.

“Yeah,” he says, “it’s supposed to be a sort of ritual that commemorates the rededication of the Second Temple in Jerusalem in the second century B.C.”

“The rededication?” you test the words in your mouth.

Nodding, Alfie continues, “The rededication. That’s what Hanukkah means in Hebrew -- dedication,” he walks towards the Menorah that sat prominent by the window. You notice some already burnt candles amongst them. He continues, “The Jewish people rose up against the Greek-Syrian oppressors in the revolt. The Maccabean revolt, if I remember the name correctly; I always used to get that bit confused when I was younger.”

Absorbing this new information you ask, “How do the lights work, does one person light them or can everyone light them over time, assuming there’s enough people?”

“Some people like to have a full set of lights for each male in the household and, depending where you are, every female too and they then can light their own candles everyday. Others have just one set of lights for the entire household. It’s mostly a preference but it’s only me here so I only have one set of lights.”

You hum along, watching as he strikes the match against the box and lights a stand-alone candle. Alfie waves the match until it’s no longer lit and carefully puts it down in a nearby ashtray. He picks up the single candle and uses that to begin lighting the candles that stood in the Menorah.

“Typically, exchanging gifts happens every night and the consumption of traditional foods too. Normally I’d make the effort to have something like latkes but it’s harder to make when you’re blind in one eye,” he takes a moment and curses under his breath at Tommy -- someone you had come to resent the more his name was mentioned in passing like this but you brushed it off and waiting for Alfie to continue, knowing that tonight was no the night to press on about this ‘Tommy’ character, “and I live alone,” he lifts an eyebrow, something you catch in the reflection of the window as he makes eye contact with you, “so I struggle it’s fair to say.”

Frowning, you unravel your arms and stand next to him, the Menorah now fully lit, every candle simmering with light and brightening the room that little bit more, “If you asked --”

“It’s nothing,” he brushes off, waving his hand to dismiss you but you stand your ground and to be in his line of sight. You rest your hands on either side of his face, “Alfie,” your eyes soften, “I will take any offer to spend more time with you. Don’t worry. And,” you emphasise, “you know I’d do anything for you. This is about faith, I can’t get in the way of that.”

He brings a hand to rest on yours, leaning into your touch a little more, “I don’t want to inconvenience you; you already spend so much of your income on train fares to see me.”

Smiling bright, “I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to, you know that, right?”

He nods his head and you bring your face closer to his before pressing a soft kiss against his lips, savouring the taste of his lips before wrapping your arms around his torso and swaying slightly, prompting him to move along with you.

You mean back with his fingers resting on the small of your back and meet his gaze, “We can make something tomorrow since it’s kind of late right now… unless you’re up for doing something now?”

“Let’s leave it for tonight,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to your temple.

The two of you just bask in this moment for a while longer, enjoying the calming presence of the other and you were also enjoying breathing in his soothing scent. It had been something you quickly came to associate with being in a calm state of mind.

“Alfie,” you begin, a frown etching into your forehead.

“Mhm?”

“Jewish people don’t celebrate Christmas… do they?”

“Uh, no.”

“Alfie!” You whine, pulling away from his chest and slapping his chest, “You let me put up a tree when I said you needed some Christmas spirit.”

He recoils, a nervous smile making its way onto his face, “You were so excited and it meant you would hang around for longer… and it’s only a small one.”

You both gaze at the small table-top tree you had found and brought over one Friday after work.

“And you let me bring over some red Poinsettias,” you continue whining, stamping your feet like a child.

“Santa doesn’t have to know that he doesn’t mean anything to me.”

“Alfie…”

“Let it be. You can take it down tomorrow if you want.”

You huff and rest your forehead on his chest, letting your arms dangle at your sides, “Tell me stuff in the future.”

He lifts your arms to wrap around his torso and wraps his arms around you and you stay like that until you retire to bed later on.

#alfie x reader #Alfie Solomons #peaky blinders #alfie solomons fluff #peaky #alfie #blinders #solomons #peaky blinders fluff #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders season 5 #alfie solomons fic #littlemissshelby #pbw #12daysofchristmas #1930's #margate

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if-found-return-to-gusu · 3 years

Text

Drunken Shenanigans

(First off, sorry that this isn’t broken up into parts. I don’t know. Maybe you guys prefer it in one long chunk anyway? Well whatever. I’m too lazy RN but let me know your preference maybe for future stories? Cuz like. Y’all know how long winded I am.)

---------------

FUCK OKAY JUST

FUCKING DO IT WEI YING

ENOUGH PUTTING OFF THINGS.

I want to tell things in order. Or as close as I can remember. But I’m gonna be honest. The fire fucked me up. And I know that each story brings me closer to having to talk about it.

But I think I have to talk about it.

Let’s see. Drunk Lan Zhan.

I WANT to talk about that because in retrospect it was fucking hilarous.

But I haven’t been able to because I’m just all sorts of fucked up right now.

But I think a way to get me less fucked up is to just start unwinding the pieces.

And honestly, writing helped before so I think it’ll help now.

It’s just that starting has been difficult.

So I’m just gonna rip off the bandage.

I’m just gonna start.

------------------

So it was Friday. Fuck. Already a month ago?? Jesus I’m late.

Okay A month ago today. Friday.

Let me gather my thoughts.

What was I doing? I think I was at home. Doesn’t really matter.

I got a text from Lan Zhan. Not completely unusual, but I knew he’d had plans to meet his family earlier. I think I was surprised that he was texting me so early in the evening? I remember expecting to hear from him later..

Er.. no wait I think I was going to text him around 9. To at least check in on him and wish him a good night. But he texted me first.

I’m scrolling back through my phone. What exactly did he text? I know it was like… wrong right away.

Oh yeah. It was my name 3 times in a row. Or almost. The first two times were mistyped. And then after he got it right he apologized for the misspellings.

I asked him what was wrong and…. String of martini glass emojis? Oh man he was GONE already wasn’t he?

SO obviously I booked it over there. Remember going through a few different apps to figure out which company would get me there the fastest because I sure as shit wasn’t gonna leave him there alone.

Looking back maybe I should have called someone else? His brother could have gotten there faster. I think I didn’t want him to worry. I figured if this was the state that Lan Zhan was in after meeting with his uncle, then Lan Xichen probably wasn’t in the best state either.

I should have checked up on him too but I didn’t. I was too worried about Lan Zhan.

I really should have checked in on him.

Maybe it’s not too late? Who takes care of Lan Xichen when Lan Zhan is fucked up?

Okay that’s not right. Fucked up isn’t right. Lan Zhan… Lan Zhan has issues, I know he does. After all he is, surprisingly enough, still human. But he manages them so much better than I do.

I’m fucked up. Not him.

So let’s rephrase. Who helps Lan Xichen when his little brother is also upset? I know he was, is?, dating Jin GuangYao? Though he doesn’t talk about it much. I’ve met the man in passing a couple times. Doesn’t seem the most comforting.

Though I guess there’s DaGe too. I remember he took pretty good care of him at my birthday.

Is it wrong to want to make Lan Xichen split up with Jin Guangyao so that I can set him up with DaGe? I just think they’d be cute together.

Ah not that I’m in any place to do that. See above; I’m fucked up. I should untangle my own love life before I try to poke holes in someone else’s.

And… maybe I shouldn’t be talking about these things on my blog?

Ah fuck it. I’ve said more personal stuff here already and none of you know anyone I’m talking about anyway except Ghosty and… Idk. I trust Ghosty.

Can’t help it. I just trust them.

Anyway

Anywaaaaayyyyy where was I?

Fuck these tangents. Are they worse than before? Or have I always been like this? I should re-read my old posts but somehow I’m scared to. I don’t want to look at where I was right now. I feel like so much has happened… am I even that person?

I don’t know why looking back scares me. Probably old defense mechanisms. Probably why I can’t remember anything before I was 10 too. Mmm. I should look back. I don’t want to forget.

But I think I’m afraid that I’ll… I don’t know… Either miss or hate who I was. If I miss who I was what will I do? I can’t go back to it. You can’t go back to what you were.

But if I hate who I was…. Well I hate who I am so I guess there isn’t much difference….

Shelf that.

Fuck. My complaining about going off on tangents became a tangent.

Where Was I???

Okay. So I carted my ass over to Lan Zhan’s, thinking not for the first time that maybe I should just fucking learn how to drive???????????

But whatever. I got there pretty quick.

I knocked on the door, heard some concerning bangs and then silence.

Knocked again and called out his name.

Think I heard him again… swearing????? But it was muffled so I can’t be sure.

Shame.

Haha

So I decided to do what he told me to do before and just use my damn key.

I mean… it’s not breaking and entering right? And besides. He texted me. That… meant he wanted to see me right? At the very least even if he didn’t it was for his sake. Totally not at all because I was curious what he’s like when he’s drunk.

Nope. Not a factor. Purely just wanted to make sure he was okay. Absolutely innocent.

(You know that’s a lie. I REALLY wanted to see what he’s like when he’s drunk. But I DID also want to make sure he was okay. So really, win win. Or… True neutral in intent? IDK but I think they cancel each other out.)

So I very carefully opened the door and peered inside to find…. An empty apartment.

The lights were off in the entry way, but I could see something down the hall and around the corner. Turns out that he was in the living room with a lamp and a bit of a mess.

He’d knocked over the bottle of wine when I knocked. Apparently I startled him? And then when I knocked again… ???

I’m not sure.

But he was somehow tangled in his own pant legs? They were comfy pants and a bit flowy and his foot got stuck in the other leg? I don’t know how it happened and clearly neither did he. And he’d toppled over and… apparently had given up.

So clearly my coming over was the correct call.

(Sorry Lan Zhan. I know you’ll never read this and never know but… this was just too precious to keep to myself. I promise I won’t embarrass you TOO much but there needs to be a documentation of your drunken hijinks. SangSang please don’t tell him. ;w;)

So about this point. I decided that instead of helping him, I was going to call out to you guys to ask for help.

I don’t know why? I was panicking.

So I posted Help.

And then went to untangle him.

Managed to fix his pants (don’t think too hard about that one) and get him sitting properly. He just kinda blinked slowly at me and kept silent the entire time. ????

Like okay looking at his face you’d never know the guy was trashed. But the guy was TRASHED.

I asked him how much he’d had and he just held up a finger.

One.

One what??

A glass? A bottle? A keg?

I looked over at the jug that had tipped over and tried to gauge how much he’d had. I don’t know if the bottle had been full or not when he started. I don’t think I’d left any half-empty? But he may have shared with another guest? I wouldn’t have been surprised if he kept some on hand for SangSang too. Not just me. It’s good wine.

Well either way. With how much was now spilled on the table and floor, and how much was in the bottle… I’m guessing… he had no idea and was bullshitting me how much he’d had.

So there’s that.

He had enough alcohol for one drunk. Got it.

Well didn’t matter. Either way he was sloshed. I suppose this is karma (I know that’s not how karma works) for when I got drunk off my ass in front of him before. Ah well.

You know… speaking of karma…. Like what kind of fucked up karma do I have? Like I must have just been a DEMON in my previous life. What the fuck did I do? Massacre a ton of people? Raise the dead? FUCK. Well whatever I did. Thanks a lot past life me. You’re a DICK.

Anyway.

I went to get a cloth to mop up the mess. While I was wiping everything down he disappeared.

I posted on my blog again because I have shit priorities, and then went to find him.

He was in the kitchen. After turning on every single light. His head was completely in the fridge.

I called out to him, because what the fuck? And he stood up and blinked at me again. Except now he was holding a package of skinless chicken breast??? For some reason?????

Why did he even have that Probably was planning to make it for me the next day since that was our Saturdate. He doesn’t eat much meat so it wouldn’t make sense for him to have so much.

But okay

He just held it out to me and said my name.

???????

Just.. standing in the kitchen with ALL the lights on with the fridge hanging open offering me skinless chicken breast in its neat little vacuum sealed packaging.

So uh… Like what do you do with that?

I asked him what he was doing and he just pushed the package at me, asking if it was good?

I mean they looked fine. Lan Zhan always buys good stuff. And this stuff was clearly bought fresh and then wrapped up by himself. He’s got a vacuum sealer thing. So like it’s not even stuff from the grocery store? He probably got it from a humane butcher. Because he does his research on EVERYTHING.

So like… yeah?? They were good? And I like chicken.

So I just kinda nodded and said yeah they’re good. And so he pushed the meat at me again and said it was all for me?

So um.. I don’t know if he was asking me to cook it? I asked him if he wanted me to cook it and he looked confused.

And fair. I mean I was confused too. No one wants me to cook. Everyone always complains. They just don’t appreciate the culinary genius that is me.

But Lan Zhan looked at me, then the chicken, and seemed to be in the deepest thought.

“Let’s put this in the fridge and we can eat it tomorrow, yeah?” I suggested, trying to take the meat from him and edge to the fridge at the same time.

Apparently this was incorrect as he yanked it away from me and started towards the stove?????

I got to him just in time to stop him from turning it on.

Like okay Lan Zhan is an amazing chef. And he’s got a NICE kitchen. But the stove is a gas one. You know the one with open flame? And like

THe man had just dumped have a container of Emperor’s Smile on himself???

Like fuck. So I think I screamed.

Because Fuck. No. Lan Zhan was NOT going to cook for me while drunk off his ass.

I remember lunging at him and like pulling all the knobs off of the stove so he couldn’t turn it on. He glared at me with this.. this …. POUT. omg it was adorable.

But NOT adorable enough for me to give him back the stove knobs. He tried to grab them but I put them in my pocket.

And then he tried to grab them again which is danger zone no no for SO MANY REASONS ;asldkfjsa;lkfaslkfjsd;lkfjas;dkfj;lafkjk

So I took his hands

And put on my best most adorable pleading expression and asked him to please let us have it tomorrow? Because I really wanted to eat it tomorrow. He stared at me again, binked, then slowly nodded and put the chicken… in the cupboard.

So I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie or something instead. He didn’t answer (How is drunk Lan Zhan even more quiet than sober Lan Zhan? How is it possible?) but he didn’t like protest or anything.

So I asked him if he wanted to pick something out and I’d come in in just a minute for him to surprise me with whatever he selected.

He nodded at that. Mumbled something that sounded like “for Wei Ying.” or something and stumbled off.

I took a moment to breathe and update the blog again before putting the chicken in the fridge. Contemplated hiding the knives and stove knobs somewhere where Lan Zhan couldn’t get to them, but that seemed a bit much. So I put the knobs back on and went to see what Lan Zhan was doing.

He was….

Drinking….

More….

Again.

So I updated my blog again????? What the fuck is wrong with me?

Well I did stop him again. I grabbed the bottle and just took it. Downed the whole jar so that he couldn’t have any more.

Maybe not the best option? But I had eaten dinner for once and I’m actually not a lightweight. (That one time was a fluke. Like it seriously was) so it was fine. Not like I was driving home anyway.

And besides maybe it’d help me get on his level? IDK. It was stupid but then so am I. And it was just a shame to dump it all out so down the hatch it went.

It was at this point that I realized that Lan Zhan was still wearing the clothes he’d spilled all over. I suggested he go change into something clean. He seemed to find logic in this and stumbled off to his room.

Did NOT shut the door but that’s okay. It was down the hall and I couldn’t really… SEE anything unless I went further into the hall myself.

Tempting but I was a good boy and resisted.

Thats when things got quiet… too quiet (see post I’d made about it being quiet).

I went to go check on him to find that he was stripped to his boxers, with his pants around his ankles. He was looking in his closet, probably trying to find out what suit to wear???

But when I entered he stumbled back, slammed the door shut and toppled feet over head to the floor!!

Man he’s jumpy when he’s drunk.

I helped him to rights and was actually so distracted that I didn’t realize that he was practically naked for like 2 whole seconds!!

(I’m pretty sure Lan Zhan isn’t a mortal, no matter what I said earlier in this very post about him being a human. No human being has the right to be that fucking cut??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

It is NOT fair.

FUck. )

WELL being a responsible and reasonable adult (lol) I decided I would help this drunk toddler of a man get dressed. I dug through his pajama drawer and pulled out something soft and fluffy. Hoped that it’d be more appealing to him if it was super super comfy. Started to hand it to him, but then figured fuck it. Probably better to just do it myself.

Managed to keep my eyes and hands to myself as I helped him. Very proud.

He let me do this without complaint. He was very good. He lifted his arms up when I told him to and his legs. Ended up putting my face WAY too close to his hips but I looked at the wall the entire time so it was fine.

Fine. It was fine. We’re fine. I’m fine. It’s fine.

Fuck I’m a mess.

Okay what happened next. He was good. Sat like a good boy. Got him dressed (thank you A-Yuan for giving me practice? Did not think this was a life skill i’d be needing now that you’re growing up and can do your own buttons but guess life likes to throw them curve balls. Either way. A-Yuan m’boy. I owe you a solid.)

(Also do NOT miss changing your diaper. Fuck)

ANyway

NO TANGENTS. (that’s a lie. There will be more tangents. Whatever.)

SO Lan Zhan was dressed like a human again. Somehow even drunk of his ass he looks like some sort of adonis. Not fair.

Uh.

Oh yeah. I got up and was gonna step away and he grabbed me.

Not like hard? But really firm. Grabbed my arm and said “no.”

No what? No to the pajamas? No to the bunny slippers? No????

I asked him what he was saying no to and he just said no again and pulled me closer.

“Lan Zhan Lan Zhan” I chided, “You’re being unreasonable. I got you all dressed and you were being so good but now I try to get up and you say no and stop me? What are you wanting? Do you not like these pajamas? Do you want me to dress you in something else?”

I remembered him looking at the closet and decided to be a little shit. I was gonna pretend I was gonna grab one if his suits to dress him in that instead. (No way I was going through that effort. Just wanted to prove a point that the PJ’s were much more comfy.)”

“Alright. Why don’t we change into something else? I know you like wearing suits. Or well, /I/ like when you wear suits. So let’s go get one.”

He started to relax his grip and I got up again, but then 2 steps to the closet he seemed to panic and grabbed me again.

He wrapped his arms around me from behind and sat back down on the bed with me mostly in his lap?????

Okay Trying to keep myself pure here. I’m a good boy. Who was not going to take advantage of my best friend while he was drunk off his ass. Good boy. Think of ANYTHING else but being in his lap.

And of course. THis meant. I had to run my mouth.

“OH? So you DON’T want a suit? Well then you should just be happy in those pajamas. As nice as you look in a suit I think they’re much more comfortable. The pajamas that is. Unless you’d rather be naked. But that--”

Anddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

He covered my mouth.

I tried to twist to look at him but he wouldn’t let me.

I tried to protest against his hand but he wouldn’t let go.

So I examined my options and decided the only course was to lick him.

So I did.

Because I have had a brother and that always got me out when Jiang Cheng actually managed to pin me.

Worked like a charm this time too. Lan Zhan dropped me like I was made of fire.

Maybe I should have been offended???? But I was too busy laughing.

He stared at his hand in what had to be horror. I calmed down enough to offer to wipe it off for him but he just pulled it in to his chest protectively.

“Oh come one. I’m not gonna lick it again! I said wipe it off! Clean it. Fuck I’ll wash ‘em with soap if you want. Dear goodness it’s not like I’ve got fucking cooties or something.”

He stared at his hand again and pouted, seemingly not sure what he wanted to do.

I reached out gently again and he pulled away again. Clearly not down for touching anymore.

So I huffed and said fine.

“You just go to bed or something then. I’ll leave you alone if you’re just gonna get all grumpy at me.”

So I started to leave. And he tried to grab me again???????????????????????????????????

Does he want to be touched or not? Or maybe he just wanted to do the touching now that I look back on it.

Well at the time I just kinda leapt out of the way and complained he wasn’t being fair changing his mind about what he wanted every 2 seconds. Quite unreasonable.

And somehow….

This ended with us chasing each other around the house???

Admittedly that part’s a bit of a blur. It started with him chasing me and then somehow we switched and I ended up chasing him?

Oh yeah. I think I thought he was going back to the kitchen or something and I panicked and tackled him onto the couch. That’s when I sat on him to keep him there and posted about it again while I caught my breath.

He just let himself lay face down on the couch, his face pressed into the pillow completely. Both a blessing and a curse because I don’t know what I was thinking at the time. I dont’ know what I would have done if he’d pouted at me again. Licked him again?? But a curse because that meant all I had to focus on was how thicc his ass was. Like I was sitting on it.

And it is a COMFY perch. Gotta say. Like fuck. This man is perfect in every way.

NOT. THE. POINT.

KEEP MIND. AWAY FROM THAT. YOU DON’T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW. ESPECIALLY THINKING ABOUT THINGS THIS WAY WHEN YOU KNOW YOU’RE GOING TO BE SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED AS HIM AGAIN TONIGHT.

(DON’T @ ME WE JUST SHARE A BED. OKAY? IT MAKES US BOTH FEEL BETTER AND IT’S FINE. IT’S FINE. WE’RE FINE. I’M FINE. IT’S FINE. I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT THAT MORE LATER BUT JUST.. IT’S FINE OKAY? IT’S FINE. TRUST ME. COMPLETELY NOTHING ROMANTIC ABOUT IT. IT’S OKAY TO CUDDLE YOUR BROS. I MEAN IT’S A BIT COMPLICATED SEEING AS I’M IN LOVE WITH HIM BUT WE BOTH AGREED THAT THE KISS MEANT NOTHING SO WE’RE FINE.

FUCK.. okay I’ll get back to this in a minute because I made myself cry again.

Hold on.

Okay I’m back. And I’m actually fine now. Just a little bit of heartache. It flares up if I think about it so I just don’t think about it.

So sometimes when it sneaks up on me like that it just causes a little bit of a panic. We’re fine though. It’s passed and we’re fine.

Where was I? Where was I…. um… oh yeah. Sitting on that juicy ass--- um.. Sitting on Lan Zhan to keep him on the couch where it was safe and cushioned.

It worked for a bit. But apparently only because he wanted it to.

Somehow I forgot that the man can bench a fucking truck? So he just did a push up with me on his back while on the couch (Have you tried to do pushups on a cushioned surface? Please do not do this. Make sure you exercise on sturdy, solid surfaces or you will roll your wrists or something and I will not be held responsible for unsafe workout practices.)

SO Lan Zhan just pushed both of us up and I tumbled right off like I was made of fucking feathers.

No idea what he was planning to do.

At first he seemed worried about me because I tumbled. Which I think broke his train of thought away from what he’d originally planned? Or did he even have a plan to begin with?

FUck who knows. Not me!

Well anyway

I had a bold stroke of genius. Because how does Lan Zhan get me to stay put?

So I told him to sit and wait because I had a surprise for him and that I’d be really sad if he didn’t do it.

So he immediately assumed the lotus position and closed his eyes. Coulda been a fucking statue.

I stared for a second but then remembered he was drunk as FUCK and I had no time. So I rushed off and grabbed Bichen and Suibian so I could dump ‘em in his lap.

Fucking worked like a charm. Suibian didn’t stay too long because she always prefers my lap (aaaaaaaaaaaah my heart) but Bichen will always stay put when plopped on Lan Zhan’s lap. (I feel ya, li’l buddy. If I could get away with it I’d live there too).

Told him that he needed to be nice and calm for the bunnies and he nodded so seriously. He started to pet Bichen so carefully it was so sweet. The little bun flopped over right away. She loves her Lan Zhan so much. (Same)

Decided to try and get him to talk to me once he’d been quiet for a little while. I asked him what started all this anyway.

At first he said that he wanted to learn to be more tolerant to alcohol so that he could drink with me

Which is so fucking sweet but does not explain why he went so hard into it.

And I knew he’d seen his uncle earlier that day. So I pressed.

I won’t tell you all that he told me. But yeah. Family is complicated man.

But that part of the story.. That’s his story. I’m not sure if he even wants ME to know about it, so I’m definitely not telling you guys. Sorry. But please try to understand.

We talked for a long while and eventually he ended up falling asleep. I very carefully moved the bunnies to their pen, then picked him up and carried him off to bed too.

There’s something surreal about princess carrying Lan Zhan. Not gonna lie.

I wasn’t willing to leave him alone in case he woke up again so I just climbed into bed with him. Wrapped him up in my arms to make sure I’d wake up if he tried to leave (hopefully).

But he slept through the night.

It wasn’t until morning that he lurched out of bed and booked it to the bathroom. Poor guy.

I will never try to get him to drink again. With mornings that awful it’s just not worth it. Though admittedly he’d probably do okay if he just didn’t drink as MUCH as he did. Make I’ll get him a Mikes Hard? I know from talking to him since then that the wanting to be able to share a drink with me was genuine even if it wasn’t the only reason he was drinking. So maybe we can ease him into it. I mean Mikes hards are so weak that they may as well be virgin drinks so that should be safe?

I’ll talk to him about it later.

Anyway. I took care of him all morning and he was so miserable. (Even got to carry him again. He was so worn out he barely protested).

I brought him back to bed with some aspirin and some water. I should have made him drink some the previous night but I guess with how crazy that night was maybe I can be forgiven for that at least.

I gave him some kisses on his face because at that point it was our thing??? (Because… what were we??? Well now we’re back to just friends I think. After… after the kiss that meant nothing.)

Fuck.

Okay don’t think about it. We were… we were something… but now we’re just friends. And that’s just… how it is. Because i fucked up. Because of course I fucked up.

I let him take a nap and watched something trashy on TV. Eventually he shlumped out of bed (as much as Lan Zhan ever schlumps which is not a lot) and crashed onto the couch next to me.

We talked some more and he tried to apologize to me. I wasn’t gonna hear it. I got a bit of a more sober re-telling of the reason he was drinking and I did my part to listen.

Despite how much I talk, I can actually listen if the occasion calls for it! Surprising, I know.

We went to bed again eventually after watching more garbage TV together.

And uh.. Yeah…

That’s the adventures of Drunk Lan Zhan.

Sorry I know some of the details are probably wrong. It’s been a while and a lot happened. But yeah. That’s more or less it.

#wangxian #lan zhan #lan wangji #wei ying #wei wuxian #Long Post #(Modern AU!)

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chibi-pix · 4 years

Note

Your Plance Portal AU pics inspired a small bit of fiction from me. Not sure what to do with it, so here you are. Apologies if it's a bit rough, first draft. Feel free to modify, share, whatever. I'm just anon. And sorry for the lack of formatting that will result in posting here. (part 1) "Why?" The fascinating specimen asked of me. His eyes darting over the form I had taken. Curiosity. Heightened heart rate. A curious combination of two of the three primal Fs. Fascinating as always.

Wow! Your story parts were amazing! While I admit, some sections were hard to read, conclude who was talking, but I did love it! Of course, you did call it a first/rough draft and stories start that way!

You had said I was free to modify and/or share. I took you up on that offer and applied your work to this. It was fun to work with and thank you for writing it and giving me an opportunity to work with it.

Hopefully it all shows; if not, I’ll reblog the answer with the full post/ficlet.

Pidge. It was a simple name she was referred to as. She. A humanized term to separate sexes and give identity. That was her understanding. It was a logical things to humans, but not to the likes of an android, program to see and comprehend numbers, not emotions and desires. So why? Why did she go by that word that could otherwise be called a pronoun?

“Why?” Her attention was brought to the latest of the subjects, a young man. Subject number 117-98-78. He insisted on being called Lance. Another human thing. But she supposed, to some extent, she could relate. She was given a name, too, along with her identity number. Her name, though, was shorter and easier to input by her creators when they wrote their notes.

Pidge examined Lance further, doing a scan of her own on the biological creature. His heart rate was increasing. An emotional response? Or perhaps it was the adrenaline humans felt when going through certain tasks that forces them to exert themselves physically and even emotionally. “You will need to reiterate your query for proper understanding so an appropriate answer can be provided.”

“Fine then. Why are you putting me through this?” Lance commanded. “Why do I need to go through these tests? What do you gain from all of this?!”

Pidge considered his questioned for a moment. To be honest, there was no complex reason for why she did it. It was her core imperative; it was her duty to test subjects and gather data. But would that response be enough for the latest subject? “You are a new variable.” she responded finally. “With the cloned and robotic test subjects being identical variables, testing and collecting data has grown stagnant and all data is outdated and irrelevant. You, however, come from outside the testing facility. You are a new variable and therefore present new data to study.”

“Dude! I could have died back there!” Lance snapped, his anger elevating. It was an illogical outburst from Pidge’s perspective, but, then again, humans were rather illogical. “Pit traps? Laser grids? And don’t get me started on that green goo you dare call sustenance. It’s freaking torture!”

“Incorrect.” Pidge responded, plain and simple. “This is testing. Testing is a necessary part of improving and moving forward. It is, after all, the core of my programming. To continue in my duty of gathering data. I test, therefore I am. I am, therefore...”

“Yeah, well, I don’t think Doctor and Professor Holt would have wanted testing to be this cruel.” Lance interrupted.

Pidge felt a stutter in her programming. Those names. Her creators. He knew their names. “Guessing their names correctly and knowing they created me specifically would be nearly impossible.” she commented. “Logic would point to you being aware of their classified research on redacted information. Despite this, mentioning them when in your current situation with the risks on your life tell me that you are not an intelligence operative of any enemy of my creators or their benefactors.” She performed another scan. “There are no indications in your biology to suggest any attempt of deceit. This is data that I did not anticipate. Explain. How do you know the names of my creators?”

“Huh? Well, everyone knows who the Holts are.” Lance stated, looking confused. “They changed everything. Botany, terraforming, space travel, they were the top minds of Altean Laboratories. Their work was groundbreaking.”

“Were. Changed. Was. These terms in how they are used are indication of past tense.” Pidge commented.

Lance was perplexed. “I mean… well… yeah, totally.” he said. “It was five centuries ago, give or take some months or single years.”

Pidge couldn’t explain the dip in her cor performance. Had she been human, she would have described it as a weight in her stomach. Had it seriously been that long? She had lost connection to her internal clock several thousand test subjects ago. “That is impossible.” she stated. “The facility around you operates due to the power obtained from the plasma reactor. It had only an estimated lifespan of three to four centuries; due to the renewal of energy sources, I have managed to re-calibrate that and extend it for another half century or so. To continue getting power to keep the facility functioning would be impossible. My ability to function would have ceased.”

Lance sighed. He then decided to bring up a holographic display. Pidge found she could not interface with the hologram; she decided she could endure collecting data visually. As she looked at the hologram, she saw the schematics of the facility. But not all was the same. There was a new structure that she could not identify.

Lance picked up on where Pidge was looking. “You see it, too, huh?” he asked. He pointed to an area on the hologram. “Right here. We had reason to believe that a piece of what we refer to as the trans-reality comet has found its way here. And by we, I mean my superior officers. I’m just the field guy who goes in and investigates things; the others are the science guys who understand this stuff better. Anyway, long story short, but this thing is apparently radiating energy and with a copious amount still stored in it. There’s a problem, though.”

Pidge couldn’t interface with the hologram, but she knew the subject could. She went in close, finding her humanoid form to be convenient for times like this. She gently took Lance’s hand and moved it, prompting him to touch certain parts and bring up more data on the hologram.

“It appears to be unstable.” Pidge commented.

“Extremely.”

“The plasma from the facility’s reactor appears to be the cause of of the instability. However, I do not have sufficient data to fully determine how accurate this is.” Pidge glanced over to Lance, realizing he was staring at her, his mouth hung open a bit. “Does me not having the full answer cause this human emotion of bewilderment?” she inquired. “It should not; results cannot be properly determined without sufficient amounts of data. I have not collected enough data on the subject of this comet and its interactions with the reactor.”

“No it’s just...” Lance looked at Pidge’s hand, seeing it still around his own. “Your hand. It’s so warm. I didn’t expect that.” Pidge pulled her hand away quickly. “What are you? How are you so warm?”

“I am not; this is simply a byproduct of the cooling systems aboard this particular interface unit.” Pidge responded. “This unit is only a feature provided to me. I am, after all, the facility computer.”

Lance looked closely. “So… why do you look like a girl?”

Pidge blinked. So even he acknowledged that he seemed like a girl, at least in appearance. She looked ahead and away from the subject. “This interface unit was called the Physical Interface Data Gateway Exchange. To make data input easier, they formed it into the acronym PIDGE.” she explained. “It was designed with the intention of making interactions with subjects feel less… impersonal. It is for the benefit of my creators and the facility, not of my own. I have insufficient amounts of data to determine why they have given me this form.” She didn’t speak about it, but what little data she had about that, she had image files showing a member of the Holt family with a similar appearance. Perhaps it was meant to immortalize that member? She lacked the data to determine that.

“Pidge, huh?” Lance asked. “So it’s a name?”

“It is what they called me due to it being easier on the creators and less time consuming for their already limited lives.” Pidge commented. “Now then, since I have answered your queries and indulged your curiosities, it would be preferable to continue the testing.”

Lance gave a smile, but it did not look calm. It looked almost forced. “Sorry, but… this is where the testing ends, Pidge. Pidge did not understand. She then felt something in her, as though the numbers she lived by were changing.

“I do not comprehend.” she commented. She felt off balance, as though she could not properly control the unit meant for interfacing. But she couldn’t disconnect, either; she couldn’t return fully to the computer system. “What did you do to my systems? How did…”

Lance gave a bit of a guilty smile. He then brought up a new image for the hologram. “I had some help but… your entire core program? It’s gone. No more testing. No more of this… cruel torture. You’re in this device now, disconnected from everything else. Like an old game disk; one wrong move, you’re gone. Completely.”

“Impressive.” Pidge commented. “I did not anticipate your device having the necessary storage capacity for my system. Perhaps the claim of five centuries passing is not as far-fetched as I originally determined.” Around them, the corridors and testing chambers grew dark. What Lance could only assume to be the emergency lights turned on, illuminating the area in a bright red. “It does not appear that you or your outside help have considered another variable.”

“Um… what variable?”

“The default settings booting back up upon my removal.”

“Ah quiznak.” Pidge could only assume that Lance’s choice of word meant something profound. “Okay… so what do we get? Some five hundred year old security system about to hunt me down?”

“That would be accurate to the data.” Pidge confirmed. “Which would not be good for your condition.”

“My condition?”

“Of being alive.”

“Oh.”

“However, I do possess the necessary data to thwart the old program. The variable now stands at you being the only one who can interface with my core due to the technology you transferred to it. It would then be in my best interest to keep your status as alive.”

“I mean, how hard can this be? I’ve dealt with you so far.” Lance prompted. He jumped when a sound caught his attention. There was movement further in the corridor. Blades typically seen in tests, meant to be turned off or dodged. Past it? There was another figure, though harder to see.

“In subject terms? Bad. Very bad.” Pidge commented. “I suggest listening to what I say and following my instructions without fail.” She looked to Lance. “My first instruction-”

“I’m gonna take a guess and say run!” Lance grabbed Pidge by the hand and ran off in the opposite direction, pulling her along; it was a good thing that despite her data being put into the device around his arm, her body, as one could call it, was still functional and able to move.

Again, thank you so much for this opportunity!

#chibi answers #chibi writes #plance portal au #portal au #Pidge #Lance #VLD #Voltron legendary defender

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norgestan · 4 years

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I’ve tried to have this discussion before, but the context of the fact that so many fans from Spain (and even the cast) say stuff like “pansexuality isn’t real” or make fun of/insult people who identify as pan and say “that’s not part of our culture” is exactly the reason WHY some fans take issue with skam espana’s “bisexuality vs pansexuality” scene more than other versions. Because you just can’t separate the intention of the scene and how +

I’m sure the creators knew it was going to be received by the home audience, from the dialogue and message of the scene. Does that make sense? I don’t know if I’m getting my point across. I just feel like so many people like to pretend that certain fans are just being hypocritical for being upset by that scene in skam espana more than the og/other remakes, but that added context IS there. (2/2)

i can totally agree with you on the first bit, i feel like there’s definitely people who have taken it too far. i myself agree with the spanish view of pansexuality yet i would never go out of my way to attack people for identifying as pan (in my ideal world everyone takes a look of what the debate should really be about so we can be civil in regards of this issue... but this is social media and stan circles we’re talking about, so LOL).

however, and at the cost of stirring this fully rotten issue one more time... how is the dialogue and framing of the scene in itself a form to validate the “pansexuality isn’t real” debate in spain??? like, let’s look at the facts. this is how the dialogue goes down like:

viri: so does this mean you’re a lesbian?

cris: no! i mean, no. i don’t know. i know i like joana, and that’s it.

eva: either way, you used to really like guys. a lot.

cris: yeah! fuck, i still like them, girl, i don’t know, i’ve always liked them.

nora: then, you can be bisexual, no?

cris: maybe. it’s just that i don’t know what the categories are, i mean, how am i supposed to know what’s mine?

viri: let’s see, there’s not that much confusion anyway? you’re either lesbian or bisexual, no? and now "pansexual” is there too, no?

nora: girl, that’s the same thing. bisexuals like the people of their same gender and the opposite gender... i think.

eva: well now, you guys are getting intense. the important thing is, [to cris] are you happy?

this is the point in which the conversation clearly deranges. when viri begins to talk about how cris could be a lesbian, bi or pan, amira is literally facepalming herself and eva is laughing in the background. when nora jumps in to correct viri, eva realizes that it has gone for too long and dismisses the two girls to shift the conversation back to cris. i actually really appreciate how awkward this entire scene feels lol, because it’s a realistic outcome and it really balances the girls’ love for cris vs their incapacity to handle this subject well, as they’re all (so far) cis and straight girls. and to an extent, that’s the intention of the scene, to show that they all have good intentions but can say the wrong things anyway (discussing cris’ sexuality when she had just told them she is not sure/doesn’t know enough, viri immediately asking if they have had sex, eva implying that cris can’t be attracted to girls because she was really into guys some months ago and then the comment about their sex life, etc). and it’s the same thing that happened with lucas’ coming out scene in s1: eva told lucas that she and jorge had discussed the possibility of him being gay, and then she fires back at him with the whole cristian drama. but in both scenes, the important thing is that despite their ignorance regarding conversations of LGBT+, they’re supportive of them and there for each other, and in the long run, willing to learn and create a safer space for them (see: lucas’ youtube video where eva and him discuss homophobic microaggressions). and of course there’s never gonna be a perfect reaction: skames did a really good job showing a realistic coming out that is positive for the protagonist and in line with its imperfect characters’ personalities and experiences.

so like, in what universe is this scene meant to discredit pansexuality and pansexuality alone, when the phrase happens in the context where the girls are discussing something that literally NO one in the room understands? and it’s not like you have to look reaaaaally hard into it to come out with the fact that 17 y/o cishet girls aren’t the most versed about the lgbt+ community, it’s LITERALLY explicitly stated that no one is sure about what they’re talking about (cris outright says she hasn’t done any research, viri is trying to be supportive all while having conflicted feelings about cris being with a girl lol, and nora’s straight to the point “...i think”). and even then, it’s not like nora says anything incorrect: i’m pretty sure pansexual people can agree that both pan and bi people are attracted to the same group of people. and when i was in high school, most people around me couldn’t tell the difference between the two either. (way better than saying matter of a fact that pan people are attracted to genders and bi people are atracted to sexes, cough cough)

anyone could watch the scene and understand what the intention was. when i watched the clip years ago, i had no idea of the spanish perception of pansexuality and didn’t until i entered the fandom (although i had heard the discussions about pansexuality in other circles) and the scene does NOTHING to educate you about LGBT+ culture and history in spain (how can they when it’s established that these girls aren’t well-versed on the subject?). the only thing you could come out from that scene, is that these girls... kinda don’t know shit about it.

i can totally see why people can have problems with the pansexuality discourse in the skames and skamverse fandom, as well as the comments that came from the cast. and as i’ve said multiple times now, you don’t have to justify yourself if you don’t wanna watch a remake, and no one can tell you what to do about it: the decision is entirely yours. however, i completely disagree that the showrunners’ intention was to make a statement on the validity of pansexuality because of spain’s culture. and i lack the knowledge to make this point, but i find it hard to believe that the pansexual issue in skames is the only example on the skamverse of creators, actors and fans sticking up to a plotline/comment that invalidates or harms a minority group.

#answered #long post #skam españa #y'all shoudl just... blacklist my asks tag LMAO i'm very sorry

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badwolfwrites-sometimes · 4 years

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Drawn Together: Chapter 21

"You know, I was really looking forward to eating some homemade German cooking." Feliciano said. They were currently sitting in a small restaurant not far away from the house. Although Feliciano invited his grandpa to join, he stayed at the house to work through some papers, leaving Ludwig and Feliciano to enjoy stuffing themselves with food alone. "Like you making me something."

Ludwig looked at Feliciano from behind the menu he held. "I am not a good cook. That was always Gilbert's job. I only bake."

"Speaking of, where does Gilbert work? He never showed me."

"Here."

Feliciano blinked in confusion. "Here as in right here? As in this restaurant?"

"Yes. He is this restaurant's chef."

"That's amazing!"

"He is good at his job, but I am not sure if he likes it or not."

"What do you mean?"

"He gets into fights with other cooks easily."

"Oh... But it's nothing bad, right?"

"Nothing physical at least." Ludwig wanted to say more, but they were interrupted by the waiter. Feliciano stared at Ludwig, puzzled as he tried to make sense of what Ludwig was saying. He really should polish his German.

"I ordered us a Gilbert's special." Ludwig read right through Feliciano.

"I'm that obvious?" Feliciano asked, shocked but laughing.

"In a way."

They talked some more until their food arrived, a large piece of meat covered in gravy with side potatoes and sausages. Feliciano looked at Ludwig, unsure of what to name this dish. "What is this, Ludwig?"

"We call this The Gilbert's Special. It is actually Rinderroulade-," he pointed with his fork at the meat-,"with mashed potatoes and Knockwurst. It isn't a single dish, but more of a combination of dishes."

"It looks too delicious." Feliciano said before cutting up a large piece from the meat and stuffing himself with it. Ludwig watched him with amusement. "Wait, is this beef?"

"It is. Do you not like it?" Ludwig asked, cutting up his own piece.

"I love it. I haven't had proper beef like this in years."

"What do you mean by proper?"

"Not straight out of a package." Feliciano was struggling to speak and eat at the same time, devouring the meat in a matter of seconds, like it was going to grow legs and run away from his plate. "We used to eat proper meat back in Tuscany."

"Tuscany? Aren't you from Venice?" Ludwig asked, puzzled.

"I am, but my grandparents from my dad's side are from Florence. I haven't been there since Romeo was small."

"I see." Ludwig answered, continuing to eat his meal.

Feliciano and Ludwig shared a few small words here and there as they ate, mostly preferring to stay in each other's silence. They were, of course, unaware of Gilbert who was sneaking glances at them from the kitchen and giggling.

"I'm so full... Ludwig, can we cancel everything for today?" Feliciano asked when he was finished, sprawled on the chair like a shirt worn once.

"Only if you plan on exercising double the usual amount tomorrow." Ludwig answered, faint smirk visible on his face.

Feliciano's eyes widened before he stood up, too sudden for his brain as he had to sit down immediately from the dizziness. Ludwig offered him a glass of water. "I was joking, are you alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, yeah. I am. This happens sometimes." Feliciano laughed awkwardly, massaging the back and sides of his head until the pain passed. When it did, he stood up again, slowly this time. "Should we split the bill?"

"No, I will pay."

"Oh absolutely not. I won't have you paying for my meal as well. No!"

"Feliciano, you are a guest at my house. I can pay our food."

"Over my dead body will you be the only one paying!"

As they argued, they failed to notice Gilbert approaching them, trying his hardest not to laugh at the exchange. Only when he coughed to get their attention did they notice him. "Children, it's all on me and already paid. Now get out." He said before walking back to the kitchen, allowing neither of them to protest.

"So it isn't okay if I offer to pay, but if Gilbert does, it is alright?" Ludwig asked as they walked out.

"Well, he didn't let me argue with him. I'll pay him back when we get home." Feliciano answered.

"I doubt he will accept it."

"I'll make him accept it. I can be very convincing when I want to be."

"I would like to see you try."

Feliciano suddenly got serious as he stared Ludwig right in his blue eyes. He noted Ludwig's eyes looked the best when it was cloudy outside, bringing the bright blue sky in the dark moments.

Normally, Ludwig would start to grow anxious about being stared at so hard by someone. But this wasn't just 'someone', this is Feliciano. He didn't know why but the way Feliciano's irises would soften and expand when he looked at him, eased Ludwig's mind. He could look at Feliciano all day.

"I'm gay." Feliciano finally spoke, dead serious look on his face.

Ludwig blinked in confusion. That came out of nowhere. "What?" He asked.

"I'm gay." Feliciano repeated himself.

It didn't shock Ludwig any less, but... "That was a bit sudden, but I respect you. Thank you for telling me." He managed out. Ludwig really did respect Feliciano, even if his assumption of Feliciano's sexuality was incorrect. As long as they are friends, Ludwig could care less who Feliciano loved.

That's what he was telling himself at least, but deep down, he did care. They were already separated enough by their countries, Ludwig didn't need another person waltzing into Feliciano's life and stealing him away. Even if he knew Feliciano would make time for him when time itself was scarce.

Feliciano smirked at him, turning his head away so Ludwig could be left longing for his calming eyes. "See, you believed me?" He said.

What?

"I don't understand." Ludwig raised his hand as if he was asking the teacher to explain something.

"I told you I'm very convincing. I'm not actually gay, Ludwig."

Ludwig was once again left confused. What just happened?

"Well, I don't have anything against gay people and I don't think dating men would be too bad. Maybe it would in Italy, but my brother is more of an expert on that field. I don't think it matters what's between your legs or what you identify as, as long as you love each other-" Feliciano rambled on, Ludwig half listening, half tuning out.

"So you said you were gay just to prove your point to me? Is that correct?" Ludwig asked.

Feliciano stopped his rambling, nodding. "Yeah."

Ludwig sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Feliciano, I am not all too familiar with LGBT+ issues and jokes, but that was a bad one. Coming out to someone and then saying you were kidding is making fun of their struggles."

Feliciano paused, his brain remembering what happened during that dinner a couple of months ago with their grandpa. In his attempts to prove something to Ludwig, he hurt his own brother, without either of them even knowing it. "Oh." Was all he could manage.

They walked to the park in silence, Feliciano still thinking about what Ludwig said. When they sat in front of a pond to watch ducks, he finally spoke. "Thank you."

"Hm?" Ludwig questioned.

"If you hadn't told me it was bad, I would have probably continued to use that as a joke. You aren't exactly taught this in Italy, where being gay is an insult on its own."

"I can't speak for them, I just know that coming out is very important to them. For that reason, I believe, we should all respect it."

"I never understood it really well. I would just read Tumblr posts about it, but the ones I found were always vague for me."

"From what I know, it is having a secret you can barely tell yourself and sharing it with your family or the world."

"Like being sad when you're smiling and everyone thinks you're happy and you should be happy, but you aren't?"

"That sounds... close." Now Ludwig was worried about Feliciano.

"I've been there." Now Ludwig was very worried about Feliciano.

"Are you alright?" Ludwig asked.

Feliciano smiled. "Yeah. I learned something new today. Learning new things makes me happy."

Ludwig sighed in relief, turning his eyes back to the ducks in front of them.

"And being here, in Germany, with you. It makes me so happy, I could fly."

Ludwig smiled. It made sense for Feliciano to say something like that.

The two of them sat in front of the pond for what felt like hours, talking and commenting ducks. Feliciano occasionally mentioned pigeons to get a laugh out of Ludwig, who never forgot how his drunk brother screamed he was a pigeon for days after the conversation with Feliciano. When they were ready to go home, Feliciano felt something soft rub at the side of his leg. Turning around, he noticed a black cat nuzzling up to him. It was dark, but Feliciano could still see those beautiful, piercing blue eyes staring at him. He let his hand move on its own as he pet the cat, who moved its head into Feliciano's hand. It was a perfect fit and Feliciano was instantly in love.

But it was time to go, so he couldn't pet it longer. And it broke Feliciano's heart really bad. He bid the cat farewell and left with Ludwig. But the cat had other plans, following both of them home. Feliciano wasn't the only one who was in love.

"Ludwig, look at it!" Feliciano squeeled when they arrived home and the cat was right behind them.

"It seems to really like you, Feliciano." Ludwig smiled.

"Ah, I wish I could keep you." Feliciano pet the cat once again, motioning for Ludwig to join in. It didn't seem to like Ludwig as much as Feliciano, but it gladly accepted pets.

"If my dogs get along with it, maybe it could stay here. It looks like a mouser cat, we could use one here."

"There's a lot of mice?"

"They sometimes run around and my dogs are scared of them. Gilbert wanted to suggest we get a snake, but they are scared of them too."

"I'm scared of snakes too, I completely understand." Feliciano shivered at the thought. "Can you go get the doggies so we can see if they like it?"

"You are that intent on keeping this cat? Alright, I will be back soon." Ludwig said, standing up and unlocking the door to the house. Immediately, three dogs raced out of the house and almost tackled Ludwig down. He gave each of them their hello kisses and some dog treats he keeps in his pocket, just in case there is a cute dog outside.

Feliciano picked the cat up, it was really obedient as long as Feliciano kept petting it, and walked to the mess of fur and Ludwig. "Hello!" He greeted the dogs, who went to licking his free hand as a greeting. "We brought a friend with us. Please get along well, pretty please."

The dogs sniffed around the cat as Feliciano placed it down. Neither the cat nor the dogs seemed to mind each other that much, to dogs, it was a new playmate and to the cat, it was a new family. Feliciano was overjoyed and, seeing him like that, Ludwig was too.

"All of you need a bath, though." Feliciano commented as he went to pet Aster, before Berlitz protested and jumped into Feliciano's lap for hugs and pets.

To Ludwig's surprise, the cat, it was actually deep gray and male, was much easier to wash than his dogs. Even Feliciano, who was washing Berlitz and Blackie, seemed surprised by that. His cats would rather die than be touched by water and shampoo, this one was very calm and serious. It reminded Feliciano of Ludwig. "Germouser." He said.

"Hm?" Ludwig asked, rinsing the cat out.

"You said he was a mouser cat. And seeing he's from Germany, his name will be Germouser." Feliciano explained. "Do you like it?" He asked the cat.

The cat meowed at him and Feliciano all but melted right then and there.

By the time Gilbert arrived home from work, the six of them were cuddling on the couch, watching some movies on the TV. Berlitz and Germouser were glued to Feliciano while Ludwig took Blackie and Aster to himself. Gilbert was about to protest having a cat in the house, but the look of happiness on Feliciano's face silenced him. "Just don't let it eat Gilbird." Was all he said before going to his room and passing out.

"Berlitz doesn't usually like new people." Ludwig said at one point.

"Really? He's very cuddly with me." Feliciano asked, petting the sleeping dog's head.

"Yes, he is very shy. Before he came to us, he was in an abusive household and it took him 5 months to warm up to us. And he was still a puppy back then."

Feliciano felt his heart break at the poor dog's past, hoping that whoever abused this lovely dog got what they deserved. "You poor baby. How dare anyone do that to you?"

"Apparently, she got a life sentence in jail. Not only did she abuse animals but she also killed her ex husband for talking to the cashier lady, I believe. It was in newspaper a couple of years ago."

"I hate women like that. If you're certain he loves you, if you married him because you know he loves you, then acting jealous like that is just irrational."

"It is all in the past now, but Berlitz is still recovering. I am glad he gets along with you so well."

Feliciano smiled, his previous anger at the unknown abuser woman now gone. "This is the first time in a while. I'm not much of a dog person."

Ludwig's face fell, but not enough for Feliciano to notice. "You aren't?"

"I was in the past, but not so much since then."

"I see." It still wasn't enough to cheer Ludwig up.

"I had this dog, well, he was actually my grandma's dog and she would bring him when she came for a visit." Feliciano looked at the TV and, for the first time, Ludwig saw distance in his eyes. "I have so many good memories of him. He was a friend unlike any other, better than anyone ever was to me."

Feliciano looked back at Ludwig, but the distance never went away. It was only clouded by glossy glass. Feliciano looked ready to cry. "You kinda remind me of him. The way you follow me into my dumb ideas, even if you know they are going to fail. And you stay."

Feliciano swallowed whatever saliva he had in this mouth and turned his head away. "He was like that and we played all the time, but then... then..." At this point, Feliciano couldn't choke back the tears. He hadn't thought about his friend in years, even if he was always in his heart, and telling Ludwig about him opened up old wounds.

He felt Ludwig wrap his arm around his shoulder, bringing him closer into a hug. "I got you, Feliciano. You don't have to tell me the rest."

Feliciano cried into Ludwig's shoulder for a couple of minutes, telling him how his grandma wrote to him how his dog got eaten by a wolf, even if that was probably untrue. Ludwig said nothing the entire time, knowing how hard it is to lose such a precious friend. It probably hurt Feliciano enough for him to distance himself from dogs. Ludwig understood it all.

"What was his name?" Ludwig simply asked.

"Tsuki." Feliciano managed through tears and sobs.

"Like the Moon." Ludwig said.

"What?"

"Tsuki is a Japanese word for Moon."

Feliciano laughed. How ironic. "I don't know what species he was but he was white and had large black dots on his body. There was one that went from his ear to his eye so I guess he kind of looked like the Moon."

"He sounds adorable, I wish I could see him."

"I have a framed picture at home with us. For my 4th birthday, my grandma brought him and me and Lovi dressed him up in Romeo's clothes. He looked so cute and funny." It seemed like Feliciano stopped crying.

"You have to show it to me when you get home."

"I will. I'll show you all of the pictures with us, but I have to warn you, I was a really cute kid. So don't go falling in love with me because that would be illegal."

Ludwig laughed and Feliciano joined in, waking up the dogs who moved to their beds and the sofa to sleep, taking their new friend along as well. "We should go to bed as well. Tomorrow, I won't be back until 8 p.m." Ludwig said.

"Oh." Feliciano's face fell. "Right, you have work."

"Yes, but we can have fun after that. Just promise me you won't skip your training tomorrow."

"I'll sleep the day off until your return, Captain." Feliciano saluted to Ludwig, with his left hand.

"I will let Gilbert know then." Ludwig said. "And you salute with your right." Feliciano quickly corrected himself.

"Can I at least sleep with you tonight?"

Ludwig was about to decline, knowing he probably won't get enough sleep for the day ahead of him if Feliciano 'slept' next to him, but seeing how Feliciano just finished crying, he couldn't refuse. Feliciano probably needed it too. "Alright."

"Yes!" Feliciano leaned in to kiss Ludwig's cheek, a thing Ludwig would have to get used to. "Thank you! Let's go then."

They turned off all the lights and the TV and, unlike the previous nights when he would sneak in to sleep with Ludwig, Feliciano didn't go to the guest room at all. Instead, he made himself comfortable next to Ludwig, even if it was a single bed and not his double sized one. "Ludwig?" He called.

Of course Ludwig would get less sleep that night. "Hm?"

"I'm really glad I met you." Feliciano said, smiling before he turned around so his back faced Ludwig.

Ludwig felt his cheeks warm up, still not believing that the two of them actually met and are lying in bed together like this. He wrapped his arm around Feliciano's waist to properly tuck him in. Nights in Germany were cold and Feliciano probably isn't used to that. That's what he told himself to justify his action. Turning around so their backs faced each other, Ludwig whispered. "Me too, Feliciano." And just like that, the two of them drifted into the world of dreams.

#GerIta #Germany x Italy #APH Germany #hetalia GerIta #gerita fanfic #aph gerita #hws germany #APH Italy #APH #hws #hetalia #hetalia axis powers #hetalia world stars #drawn together story

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enixamyram · 5 years

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Hey, guess what, I’ve found another screen rant I want to react to! I wasn’t planning to do any more but, reading through this article, I just have SO many problems with it... So Let’s do another, agree or disagree with a Screenrant article made by someone with no bias at all. (Sarcasm for the last part by the way.) So let’s see:

Agreed with this point. People act like, if the characters weren’t on screen then they disappeared or something. Maybe they were just living their own lives?

... I don’t even understand this article. Apparently this is 20 things people get wrong and this point is that the timeline can make sense, but then OP goes on to say “However, the more characters were introduced and the more worlds the characters ventured into, it became clearer and clearer that time didn't work the same way everywhere... However, in a world of fairytales, expecting anything more than that is simply asking too much. What does it matter, exactly, when some of these events took place as long as we know that they were a long time ago in a universe not at all like our own?”

Like, so that means this isn’t something people get wrong - the timeline DOESN’T make sense - so what the hell is it doing in this article? You can’t claim you’ve solved it just because you shrug and go “yeah but it’s magic so what do you expect?”

I mean the text directly conflicts the title/bullet point. Luckily I can still safely say I disagree, both with the title and the text because the timeline became f*cked, and just making an embarrassed shrugging face doesn’t change that.

I can’t even say disagree because this is just plain wrong! I don’t quite understand this writer. I can’t tell what they’re deal is, like did they just give a poor title to their article?

Season 1 - The Original Curse Season 2 - Belle and Sneezy lost their memories. Season 3 - Everyone lost a year. Season 5 - Camelot Season 6 - Emma lost her memories Season 7 - Another Curse.

Notice how I left out 4? Well this is where I’m getting confused because this is what OP had to say about Season 4: “While season four dabbled with alternate universes, memories were never wiped or reset in the way they were in every other season.”

... But their memories WERE wiped! They were essentially in a curse because their memories WERE wiped and they WERE given new identities just like the original curse. So yes, memory wipes did in fact happen every single season!

So I can’t agree or disagree because maybe some people do call Ruby a lesbian, but most everyone I talk to calls her bi... So I’ma just skip this one.

Note: She’s bi people. This is canon. If you don’t agree then tough shit.

Agreed, there’s plenty of other ways true love can be proven. TLK is probably just the most convenient, lol.

Kind of agree? I mean I think most people do know and acknowledge this but I guess it can sometimes escape people without realising in passing sentences?

This is true. It was a lame and terrible reveal that made no sense but it was revealed.

... Like, I’m getting confused again. Because this title either doesn’t fit or the writer lives under a rock because no one get’s this wrong! Everyone - rightfully - calls out Zelena for what she did. Even Zelena fans admit what she did was messed up!

... I do agree, I don’t think she made up for all the awful things she did and she definitely became “one of the team” way too quickly for my liking. (I’m hesitant because I suddenly have an idea what side of the fandom wrote this article and I can pretty much predict where it’s going.)

AND THERE IT IS!

DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE.

“Nothing says good guy like being an older man who takes advantage of a young girl, impregnates her, and lets her go to jail for crimes you yourself committed.” First off, we don’t know his age. Second, he didn’t ‘impregnant’ her. She got pregnant. It takes two to tango though I doubt the writer knows this. And third, Emma went to jail for HER crimes. Sorry, dear writer, but let me just fill you in. Aiding and abetting a fellow criminal IS A CRIME! Emma did wrong and she was punished for it. I don’t necessarily agree with what Neal did but he is not responsible for where Emma ended up.

“Even further, nothing says good guy like someone who mocks the woman he allegedly loves for the years of trauma, suffering, and scars she endured as a result of your callous, selfish behavior.” ... WHEN?!

“... Neal Cassidy became more and more like the selfish, frequently malicious parents who raised him.” ... Again, WHEN?! Like seriously, selfish maybe but malicious?!

“In no world would he have been the right man for Emma or a good father to Henry because he could never accept accountability for any of his many wrongdoings.” Except, you know, Neal knew Henry all of five minutes and was already dedicated to being a great dad to him and literally was WAY better at being a father to Henry than Hook ever was to the kid. And I added the Hook part because my God, the writer of this article couldn’t be more obvious a CS shipper if they had every sentence end with swans and pirate flags.

It’s amazing how, even dead, they’re still threatened by Neal’s character.

Maybe this was true in S6, but by S7 they had clearly retconned it, making the Wish Realm a very real place. Otherwise there’s a ton of plot holes and you’ve got to be a real idiot to say you’d rather accept plot holes than that the Wish Realm might actually be real.

(Also, just saying, another terrible title because what happened to Emma and Regina when they were in the Wish Realm very much DID happen. So again, really poor titles for this article that clearly doesn’t know what it’s point is.)

... She VIOLATED everyone’s minds by erasing their memories and TRIED TO MURDER ZELENA!

She may have had good intentions but that doesn’t change the fact that she was a villain for a season! Dude, have you never heard the phrase “the road to hell was paved with good intentions”?! I’ll defend Emma turning Hook into a Dark One for sure, but trying to completely ignore the awful things she did?! Jesus Christ!

Again... What? OP... Everyone already KNOWS this. This article is meant to be things people gets wrong but, honestly, I think OP’s the only idiot who gets things wrong at this point. So I’m once again torn because I agree with the statement but I don’t agree that this is something people get wrong.

*Sigh* OP’s giving me a migraine. Not because their statement is incorrect, but because all their reasoning is!

“Regina, as we know, went back and forth to points outside of Maine many times during the preceding 28 years.” It was actually explained, by Regina herself to Hook in Season 2, that because she (and he) had no cursed memories, crossing the town line would not affect them.

“Greg and Tamara are also able to cross the town lines, with Greg even remembering the tiny town for years and years after a traumatic encounter within it during his childhood.” Again. The town line affects people who ARE CURSED! This is made very clear! Henry can also cross the town line when he went to get Emma.

The title, once again, is misleading. People are able to leave - so long as they don’t CROSS THE TOWN LINE. That’s the part CURSED people are not able to do.

I’ve given up Agreeing and Disagreeing at this point. OP’s points are making my brain hurt so let’s just move on.

You’re right OP. It did serve a purpose. It’s purpose was to be a cash grab!

Apparently OP’s excuse is that Anna and Elsa helped Emma come into her own as a magic user? Like yeah, I’m calling bullshit. Emma had no problem using her magic until they brought Frozen in, then they made a whole storyline of Emma having problems just to justify having Elsa struggle and then help her with it.

And after they left they were barely even mentioned. So, again. NO PURPOSE. (Apart from a cash grab.)

Okay, so actually, I do agree. Regina is still Henry’s mum but the fact is, his adoption can’t be legal because Regina would need to have lied on her application and all the usual checks usually done for people wanting to adopt couldn’t possibly have happened.

I was going to agree on technicality but you know what? No.

DISAGREE!

Just because the couples aren’t perfect doesn’t make them toxic. (Using OP’s examples:) “Robin's relationship with Regina results in his being repeatedly assaulted and fathering a child as a result of that assault.” Wow, dude, wait to blame the girlfriend for some of the bad stuff that happened in Robin’s life. I sure feel sorry for whoever you end up with if this is how you see it. “Hook and Emma frequently lie to one another as well,” Lying does not equal a toxic relationship! Certain lies, maybe, but general lying is just what people do when they’re embarrassed or ashamed or upset. What counts is what you’re lying about and also whether or not you come clean about it.

The only one I’ll agree with is RumBelle but even then OP completely misses the reason WHY they’re a toxic relationship. Instead they generalise it into very un-toxic details.

... Again... Like... I agree with the statement but NO ONE GETS THIS WRONG!

OP is clearly just using this article as an excuse to bash Regina. And I’m not a Regina fan, but no, dude, if you’re gonna do this then make a “20 of the worst things Regina ever did” list. Not a “20 things people get wrong” and then list a bunch of things that one in ten people gets wrong!

And now OP’s repeating. Because I’m pretty sure this was covered in the 4th one? Like, agree. I guess. But it feels like OP was running out of things and figured Regina bashing again would be too obvious or something.

Okay. Now this is something a lot of people won’t agree with but... I do.

I agree the show was intended to be Emma’s story and that it then got popular and other characters got popular and it branched out into something more.

... However OP is still a colossus idiot because they ended on this sentence:

“It's what made the concept of a seventh season without almost any of the Charmings such a laughable concept - and such a colossal failure, as well.” And while Season 7 may not be the masterpiece I pretend it is to piss of anti’s, it is also far from the worst. OP just hates it because their fav wasn’t centre stage and they’re bitter as hell.

Wow this was probably the stupidest article yet. OP either clearly doesn’t know what they were meant to be doing (a list of things people often forget about the show) or they just wanted to make a list where they bitched a few points and couldn’t be bothered to think of a catchy title or reason why. Either way, OP’s an idiot and most of these points are ridiculously dumb.

#Once Upon A Time #Screen Rant #Agree Or Disagree #Ruby Lucas #Killian Jones #Zelena #Robin Hood #Anti Regina Mills #Neal Cassidy #The Wish Realm #Emma Swan #Anti Frozen Arc #Henry Mills #Anti RumBelle #Captain Swan #Outlaw Queen

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fanfictionsrookie · 6 years

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Cookies And Cabernet: Chapter 2

Ruby could not, for the love of Vale get her homework done. She had been sitting for at least an hour…on a Friday, trying to figure out what she was supposed to do. But the new chemistry module that they were covering this term proved to be even more mindboggling than she thought.

So with a heavy sigh the girl plopped her pen down on her desk and spinned around in her seat, hoping that some kind of knowledge would come loose. But all she succeeded in was to cool herself down a little. It was unusually hot that day, even if it was the beginning of spring.

With her options now running out Ruby picked up her scroll, hoping that her distress call had been answered.

'Eeeyyy Weiss! Brain won't work lol. HEEELLP MEEEEEE!'

Last seen: 06:37

Yeah…Weiss wasn't picking up her scroll today, that much was very clear. To be fair there was that fencing tournament coming up and her sister was in town. Ruby couldn't blame her friend for her absence. But the problem still remained, she had homework to do. Then again she could just fill in some gibberish and tell the teacher that she tried. But that idea quickly went out the window as it meant that she would probably be signed up for extra classes.

With her backup plan now depending on whoever was available, she scrolled down her contact list.

Blake

Blake majored in Political Science, but the 'Science' part in the name was really all that their subjects had in common.

Cinder

Ruby paused for a moment, thumb hovering over the contact. Cinder should've been the obvious choice, but the girl didn't want to unnecessarily bother her either. Maybe she should just ask some kids in her own grade, they most likely remember the work in the first place but she wasn't convinced. In a silent debate Ruby titled her head from side to side, biting her lip as she typed the message.

'Hey:) Uhm could you maybe help me with this? Homework is super hard lol.'

Then quickly adding.

'Only if you have time.' If she wasn't nervous before, she certainly was now, wildly spinning around in her chair as she waited for a reply. Nearly jumping up in surprise when she received a reply.

'Hello to you too. Of course.'

Then like it was some kind of model Ruby took a picture of her paper and sent it with a few taps against the screen.

'I'll take a look;)' All it took was that single sentence to bring a smile to her lips, giving her homework one more look before her attention shifted with the chime of her scroll.

Quickly her eyes flew across the screen.

'Your substitution is incorrect. It is not stated that the experiment takes place in STP conditions, therefore you cannot assume that the pressure is 101.3 kPa.'

'Oooooh.'

She typed back with a figurative droplet of sweat running down her forehead, feeling like a complete idiot at the fact that she didn't even read it properly.

'You might want to try reading the question. It does tend to help;)' 'I have noooo idea what I'm doing.' Unexpectedly a laugh escaped her lips, the next message catching her completely off guard.

'Do you need some help? I wouldn't mind some company.' Was Cinder inviting her over? At the thought Ruby shook her head, she was just offering to help. But even so Ruby couldn't stop her cheeks from lighting up with a blush.

'I don't want to bother you tho.'

'It's no trouble at all:)'

The girl tapped her scroll against her chin, seemingly in though before looking down at the address Cinder sent, not too far from here and on the way to Signal actually. It would be nice to see her again, even it was just while doing homework, after all the last time that they saw each other was at Yang's party about two weeks ago.

A soft smile crept onto her lips when she remembered that following morning. Ruby woke up with a searing headache and black ink lines and swirls all over her arm. A phone number.

'Uhm h-hello?'

'I'm glad to hear you survived the night little Rose.'

It was Cinder's.

The moment was embarrassing to say the least with her still slurring, stuttering and recovering from the previous night. But now…looking back the memory was a happy one. So after she typed her reply, Ruby got up and headed to the garage.

'I'll be right over:)'

Finding the right apartment in the complex was harder than the girl thought, this was without the fact that she had to turn around after realizing that she had forgotten her books.

Now standing in front of the door, with her bike lying on the small strip of grass that must've been the lawn, Ruby felt a bit nervous…okay a lot nervous. When she rang the doorbell, the girl found her hands to be sweatier than usual. She hoped that Cinder wouldn't notice. The door opened and a shock of electricity shot down her spine, before she even realised it Cinder stood in the doorway, dressed in a dark red button up, black jeans and heels. Casual but always beautiful.

The girl instantly blushed at the thought.

"Looks like you didn't waste any time in getting here." Cinder mentioned with amusement clear in her tone once she saw Ruby's windswept hair.

The girl only then noticed and patted it down with a embarrassed chuckle. "Yeah finals and all that stuff's coming up so..."

"Look's like I have my work cut out for me." Cinder stepped aside. "Please, come in."

Ruby wasn't exactly sure what she was expecting when she entered the apartment. Immaculate with a few vases of flowers and paintings here and there, but other than that it was fairly simple.

"Did you get sick from the party?" The girl asked as her eyes swept across the living room and kitchen, confusing Cinder as to why she would ask that. Until she spotted the small plastic bag of medicine that's she had forgotten to put away.

"Ah…spring allergies I'm afraid." The woman explained with a tight lipped smile as she glanced back at Ruby, leading her into the study. This room a bit busier with the sheer amount of books and paper stacked all over. But it was the half opened archery kit on another table that completely caught Ruby's intention.

"Whoooaaa." Her fingers were itching to pick it up and give it a try.

"It seems like we need to work on concentration instead." Cinder teased from behind and watched with mirth as the girl's shoulders tense and her cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

"Ah sorry I just…really like weapons and stuff." Her gaze never quite met the other's as she scratched the back of her head.

"Its no problem." Cinder assured and patted the seat next to her before mentioning for the girl to hand over her books.

"Now let's tackle this chemistry problem shall we?"

Ruby wasn't quite sure when it had become a habit but over the past few months the girl had found herself either going over to Cinder's or texting her when she was struggling with something. Needless to say there had been a definite improvement in her marks and although Ruby still went to Weiss for help, the girl went to Cinder more often.

Ruby wasn't quite sure why that was.

She didn't think that either was busier or more capable than the other, but perhaps it was because Ruby had found Cinder to be more patient. Even when her attention faltered or she couldn't quite wrap her head around a subject, the woman never raised her voice. Whereas Weiss would have given her a stern talking to. But that didn't mean that she wasn't without discipline, Cinder was easily just as strict if not stricter when it came to assigned homework or exercises.

So it was only fair that she thanked her for all her trouble.

'I was thinking that we…go somewhere sometime- if you want to.'

'I'd like that.'

'Great! We're do you wanna go?'

'…Surprise me.'

…

When Ruby woke up one Saturday, the day that Yang called 'a date', even after she told her sister countless times that it wasn't like that, the girl was a walking wreck of nerves and excitement. Even Yang couldn't decide whether to be worried of double over with laughter when she found out that Ruby had gotten up at six to take a shower. When they were only supposed to meet up at one.

"Slow down Rubes, the cereal isn't going anywhere." The woman joked and nudged her side with an elbow.

"I'm not getting one of dad's gross speeches again." With her crimson cheeks nearly buried into the bowl, she continued to wolf down her breakfast before her father returned from Signal Primary's National soccer tournament. It was times like these where she was really glad that he was chosen as coach... even if she did feel sorry for the kids. Despite what Tai Yang thought he didn't quite fit into the category of being a 'cool dad', but then again when were dad's ever cool?

"I'm sure Cinnabun will show you nicely." She jested with a wink and sly grin, nearly making Ruby spit out her breakfast.

Just when she wanted to scold her about how 'gross' she was being, Ruby's scroll buzzed on the counter.

"Speak of the she- devil." Yang mumbled between a mouthful of cereal, leaning over her sister's shoulder to catch a glance of their conversation before Ruby turned away.

Her eyes flew over the message and again...and again.

'I apologise for the inconvenience but I will not be able to attend our outing. Can we reschedule?' "What's up?" Yang's tone seemed casual but she could see when there was something bothering her sister. Not that Ruby was the hardest person to read, but even so Yang was quick to pick up the slightest change in her demeanour. Something that came with being so close as sisters.

Ruby paused for a moment before typing.

'Yeah no prob.' She let out a sigh and slumped back in her chair, suddenly the air she was walking on turned into a pit of disappointment.

'Are you okay?'

"Cinder can't come today." The girl mumbled her head lolling to the side as if she had lost all the energy that she had for the day. Yang saw the perfect opportunity for a pun but the woman decided that it was better to pass on this one.

"Ah bummer why not?"

Ruby just shrugged, her eyes warily glancing down at the screen in her hands. 'Cinder is typing…'

Even in her downcast state Ruby remained optimistic, hoping for another date where everything would work out just fine.

'Cinder is typing…'

'This message was recalled'

"Yang something's wrong." Ruby's voice was suddenly laced with panic. But even after reading the message with a frown, Yang still managed to crack a light hearted smile.

"Looks like she's even more nervous than you are Rubes."

"That's not funny Yang!" Ruby yelled in defence and before she could storm off Yang wrapped her arm around her sister in reassurance.

"Calm down Rubes, you of all people know how many times Weiss changes plans and stuff, maybe Cinder's just a bit swamped right now."

The girl couldn't help but nod in agreement, pouting as she did so and as much as she felt upset Ruby knew that it was a fair reason. She had been keeping Cinder very busy this past month and most likely out of her own work. Her mind flashed to the last time they met up for the woman to go over the details of her report…her one hundred and fifty five page report. The girl could see that Cinder wasn't her usual self and that should've been the first warning. Instead Ruby did nothing about it and the thought made her heart sink with guilt.

"I have to go see if she's okay." The girl proclaimed, halfway down the hall before Yang caught up to her, grabbing hold of her hand.

"Hey whoa!"

"Please just let me go and check." She pleaded and for a moment Yang hesitated before letting go with a sigh.

"…Fine, but text me when there's trouble okay?"

Ruby nodded quickly in return before storming off to the garage, hopping onto her bike and riding down the street in a flash.

The passing cars were nothing but a blur of colour as the wind rushed past her ears, almost deafening her to the sound of the bustling city. To Ruby she couldn't get there fast enough and for some reason the girl expected the door to be broken down or to see a fire consuming the building. Instead the complex was standing with nothing out of place…not even a blade of grass. Still Ruby stayed for a few moments, making sure that she was nothing but paranoid.

She was tempted to go inside and apologise or ask if there was anything that she could do to help out, then again Ruby would probably only be unnecessary trouble. But when the girl climbed atop her bike, ready to head back home, a distant crash could be heard coming from inside the apartment. There was only one thing that flashed through her mind at that moment.

'Cinder!'

It wasn't even a second before Ruby was hammering with her first on the door, locked, calling her name. "Cinder!" But she wouldn't know if Cinder didn't or couldn't answer her call.

Quickly her eyes scanned for a way in before landing on a window, although closed, didn't seem locked and the girl decided that the risk was worth it. It would be a tight squeeze but she would be able to fit through. So after looking around for someone and finding none, she clambered through the window. The girl clearly didn't think things through as to how she was going to land because it was hard on her shoulder and when she found herself in a small kitchen, Ruby realized that she didn't know how to get back through either.

For a moment she wondered if this was even the right building and her heart sank to her shoes when she recognised the book bag and clothes among the mess. Broken bottles, plates and furniture lied scattered about and if it wasn't for the locked door Ruby would've thought someone had broken in for sure.

'Did Cinder do all this?'

When another sickening crash followed a part of her just didn't want to accept the answer.

Even if all of her friends were happy most of the time the girl knew that all of them struggled with insecurities and other obstacles in their life, they confided in her after all. When Ruby met Cinder she was confident, smart and proud of both herself and her work and it was most definitely the reason why Ruby didn't think that Cinder might have any struggles herself. And along with the thickening mixture of smoke in the air that made Ruby want to gag, it became painfully obvious that that was not the case. Cinder's apartment always had a distinct scent of perfume and cigarette smoke but it was light…a scent at the very back of your mind.

When Ruby entered the small living room her breath instantly got caught in her throat. Dressed in nothing but a black t-shirt and boy shorts Cinder paced, or rather stumbled around the room, muttering incoherent words to herself. Once Ruby stepped into her field of vision the woman froze, but whether it was in shock or fear she didn't know.

Her hair was un kept, standing in all directions and her make up seemed to be hastily washed off with the ashen colour still under her eyes. The makeup that she was going to put on for their day together ,she realised with a sinking feeling in her stomach. Ruby wondered if she had cried but she didn't want to think about that. The two of them simply stared at each other for what seemed to be hours, neither blinking as Ruby's eyes shone clear concern and fear but Cinder's betrayed no emotion at all.

"I got your text…" The girl finally managed to find her words, trying to answer the question that was undoubtedly in Cinder's mind. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

It was only when Ruby took a step forward that the woman snapped out of her trance.

"You…s-shouldn't…" She struggled to get a words out, giving up after a silent defeat and closed her eye in frustration.

"I was worried about you." Ruby confessed, her voice soft and gentle as she spoke, making her way towards the other but Cinder raised her hand, stopping the girl.

"L…eave." She choked, voice nearly failing her.

Ruby didn't move an inch.

"I'm not leaving you Cinder…not like this." She kept her gaze on the other's that was slowly starting to glisten with emotion before looking away, shielding it with ebony hair.

Not like this?

Pathetic.

That's how the woman felt as she stood before her and Cinder loathed every second of it, but even so she couldn't bring it upon herself to chase her away.

"Why didn't you tell me something was wrong? Were friends right?" The question caught Cinder completely off guard and when she stared at the girl, now standing in front of her, she couldn't stop the flicker of sadness in her eye.

"You w...ou-"

It wasn't uncommon for Cinder to lose her voice when they talked a lot and although the woman played it off as nothing but a minor nuisance. Ruby only then understood how frustrating it must be for her. When the fire of frustration and anger lit up in her eye, Ruby closed the distance between them and wrapped her in a tight hug before the woman could break anything else. To see her like this… Ruby couldn't decide whether she was upset or angry… but either way…it still hurt.

"Yeah you're right. I have no idea what you are going through, but the least I can do is try and understand. Not because I feel sorry about you or anything, but because every one deserves someone looking out for them."

Only when Ruby could feel Cinder relax in her arms did she let go, offering her a comforting smile.

"Come on." The girl took her hand and tried to usher her out of the room, careful to avoid the broken glass on the floor. "You're tired and it isn't good to stay up this long."

Defiantly, Cinder stood her ground and shook her head in silent protest. There was no point in it. She had been trying for almost two weeks to get some proper rest, but nothing had worked. Even though Ruby knew that is was important to get her to sleep she didn't want to force her either, not when she was already so on edge. Luckily she at least got Cinder to sit down and her rigid defiance faded away once exhaustion finally caught up to her. The woman soon found herself lying down on her unmade bed with Ruby wrapped in her arms.

As the girl lied there with her eyes closed and seemingly at peace she couldn't help but savour the heat that Cinder radiated. She was nice and warm and her arms that held her close made Ruby feel safe in a sense. Although they were not nearly as defined as Yang's, Ruby could tell that she was the best shooter of the archery team.

Cinder didn't seem all that interested in anything, well not that Ruby knew off and she wondered if archery was different. Was archery the one thing that she was passionate about? Does a good shot ever bring a smile to her face, one that was sincere and joyous? Or was it something else that brought her happiness?

Was there something that brought her happiness?

And it was then and there that Ruby decided that wanted she wanted to see her smile one day, to see and find out what made her trully happy. If Cinder didn't have anything like that she would help her find it. But for now Ruby was content with just being next to her and listening as Cinder fade into a dreamless sleep...

When the woman started to stir after about an hour, Ruby grew worried that she had woken her by accident. Once she could feel the rhythm of shallow breaths turn irregular the girl knew for sure that she was awake.

"...I was…sixteen when I left high school." Cinder's calloused words came out of nowhere and they sent a shiver down Ruby's spine as she listened.

"Through fear and manipulation my…mother had risen to the top of the criminal hierarchy and had full control over the black market." Ruby wanted to tell her to stop, that she didn't have to tell her this.

"She would always spew nonsense about how…how she was empowering the oppressed… I don't know if I ever believed her, but it didn't matter. I wanted the power she wielded." The girl could feel her heart turn into lead, slowly releasing a sense of dread and sadness within her when she heard the strain in Cinder's voice.

"For...years I supplied criminals and paying customers with illegal weapons, Dust and drugs until my name struck fear into the hearts of all who heard it…But when it reached the authorities they knew that I would be the link that could lead them to my mother. We were nearly impossible to track, but hiding became difficult when Winter Schnee was assigned to our case."

There was no stopping the silent gasp that escaped Ruby's lips and Cinder found herself pulled into a memory so vivid that she would've thought it to be real if it wasn't for the calming presence next to her.

'No where left to run Fall!'

" …And when they had us…cornered in a warehouse stacked with crates full of reactive Dust crystals, she decided that she'd rather dig her own grave than be caught."

"Cinder..."

"…When that Schnee had me closing in on a dust reactor…I didn't know that… but when I…"

"It's okay." The girl turned around to face the other before wrapping her in a one armed hug. "You don't have to tell me the rest."

Cinder let out a heavy sigh and her shoulders visibly relaxed as if a heavy burden has been lifted off her. "It's been three years since that accident, but when I least expect it the memories find me again."

"I'm sorry...I didn't know." The girl mumbled and when Ruby found Cinder's eye again the woman had a bittersweet smile on her lips.

"Don't be...you had no way of knowing and I…didn't want you to… see me like that." She confessed and lazily started to brush the strands of hair out of Ruby's face.

"Is it…always that bad?" Ruby wondered. Was this episode better than the previous ones…or were they getting worse? Did it happen often? She couldn't stop the questions from flooding her mind and she suddenly remembered the allergy pills that Cinder left out that one day. Was it really for that..or something else? Did she have anxiety, stress, PTSD? But before Ruby could come to an answer ,the woman pulled her away from those thoughts with a warm hand cupping her cheek.

"You just caught me on a bad day I'm afraid. No need to worry."

Cinder was relieved when she saw Ruby's agonized expression grow soft. This girl was always burdening herself with her worry for others. The last thing she wanted was to see that lively glint in her eye, be stomped out by those burdens.

"But I do have to worry about you." She insisted, tone unwavering as she held Cinder's gaze. The woman couldn't help but wonder how it happened. How in over the course of a few months a chance meeting by had grown into…something.

"That's what you do when you care about someone..."

The girl somehow slipped in between the small cracks in the walls that she had built around herself, but could she trust Ruby to come closer? Trust her to be there when her mask started to crack and peel off, revealing the broken person she was underneath?

"…You worry about them when they are hurt." But when she looked into Ruby's eyes, shining so bright with sincerity Cinder knew that she could. She could trust Ruby.

"I don't want you to."

The woman just couldn't find it within to trust herself to let Ruby come that close.

The words formed a crease in her brow, not fully comprehending what those words meant but the girl pushed it aside for now. All that mattered was making Cinder feel better.

"Will you at least let me cheer you up?" The girl offered, voice hopeful as she put on her best puppy dog face. But all she got was an eyebrow raised in question.

"It'll be fun I promise." A small smile played at Cinder's lips, wondering what she had in store once Ruby look hold of her hand and gently ushered her out of the room.

"Come on...let's make you some pancakes..."

Their first few meetings and interactions after Cinder's incident were a bit awkward in the beginning, but that was to be expected since neither of the two women knew exactly where they stood with each other. Cinder had opened up to someone like she was done never before and in her mind that made them more than just acquaintances or even friends. So what were they?

Even with all the questions swirling around in her mind, the two of them continued to see each other and not just for tutoring either. In fact most of the times it were just to 'hang out and stuff' as Ruby had said.

Cinder had come to cherish these moments with Ruby…wherever they might be, it brought the woman moments of peace and happiness in her…complicated life. Since their first meeting Ruby had undoubtedly worn off on her and while debateable in terms of whether she should be concerned, the opposite was also true. She had noticed that Ruby started to speak and act more confidently around her, but of course it didn't take much teasing ,although playful, to turn her into a blushing, stuttering mess.

So with the girl's influence on her it should only be natural that Cinder would want to repay her for all the things she had done for her. Even if those things were making time to spend with her. But it was more than a settlement of debt. Cinder didn't want to return the gesture because she felt like she needed to, rather because she wanted to.

'Ruby, are you at all busy next Friday?'

'Nope not really, why?'

'I was hoping you'd accompany me on a date.'

'A d-date?'

'Only if you want to that is.'

'Yes! Ah..I mean yes…That'd be great.'

But planning it was much more difficult than she had anticipated. Usually Cinder would just go to the most well known restaurant in the city, this time it was not the same as her source of 'income' was not as it had been years ago. Even if she could afford a meal at the best restaurant in Vale, it wouldn't feel right. It would feel…more for her. Cinder didn't want that, she wanted this to be for Ruby, but a stop at a casual fast food chain wouldn't have the desired effect.

Dropping hints Blake's way wasn't that either as the girl couldn't really tell her something that she didn't know herself. Of course Ruby assured her that she'd be happy no matter where they went.

In the end all Cinder could do was hope that what she came up with would be adequate.

The Friday of their first official date came much to quick.

Currently it was only a few minutes before Cinder was due to arrive and pick her up and Ruby couldn't have been more nervous. She had been running scenarios and conversation topics through her mind non stop while Yang was busy fishing out something for her to wear.

In the end they decided on a simple red and black dress, not too flashy, the most comfortable and basically the only thing that still fitted her. The girl doubted that the day would ever come when she and Yang could share clothes.

"Chill out Rubes it's just a date." Her sister assured with a wide grin and a half hug - half affectionate pat on her shoulder, nearly throwing the girl off her feet as she struggled to keep her balance.

"Yaaang be careful." She scolded, flailing her arms and wobbling on the black heels that were barely three inches high. "I still don't know how to walk in these…stilts."

Suddenly she wished that she had asked Weiss about how to walk in them or at least practised beforehand. Instead she convinced herself that walking in heels would be a piece of cake, unfortunately for her…it wasn't.

"You know I'm sure Cinder wouldn't mind you going on your date with those pump shoes or something." Her father offered as he exited the front door, scratching his head as he didn't quite know what to say.

Ruby smiled at him before her gaze dropped shyly to the pavement. "Yeah I know but..."

This was something different than a casual get together. It was a date and whether they were official or not, Ruby wanted to put a little more effort into it than she did during their usual outings.

"Looks like someone's in looooveee." Yang jested as she elbowed her sister playfully, Ruby blushing in return and trying her best to hide it as she looked away.

"N-no I'm not." The girl stuttered, her frown curling her lip into a pout.

Two laughed heartedly as Tai wrapped a hand around his youngest's shoulder and squeezing affectionately. His cerulean eyes glinted with amusement as he spoke.

"First let us meet the girl… we can talk about marriage proposals when your mom comes back." He too joined in Yang's harmless teasing and the older of the sisters giggled in return.

"Dad!" By now Ruby refused to look either in the eye as she defensively crossed her arms before her, groaning in protest when he shook her gently as if to cheer her up.

"I'm just teasing Ruby." But before Tai Yang could say anything else, a cab rolled into view, slowly coming to a halt on the side of the street. Ruby instantly perked and her heart got a jumpstart.

When the cab came to a complete halt there was a moment where Ruby didn't breathe at all, but whether it was because she forgot or because it was taken away by the her date's presence the girl didn't know. Dressed in a midnight gown decorated with ashen patterns twisting down the fabric, Cinder made her way up the driveway of the Rose- Xiao Long household as her hips swayed to the rhythmic 'click' 'click'of her heels.

Ruby was at a complete loss of words and when she caught Cinder's smouldering gaze it felt like her heart was going to explode with how fast it was beating. The girl wanted to say something, tell her how beautiful she looked but all she could muster was empty words to which the other smiled before turning her attention to Tai Yang.

"You must be Cinder." He stated, smiling warmly at her and offering a hand.

"Mr. Xiao Long." She breathed, gloved hand shaking his own with a firm, yet gentle grip. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you. I do apologize that it hasn't been sooner."

There seemed to be a bit of strain in her voice and for a moment Ruby wished that she'd introduced them to each other earlier. Surely it would've been less awkward for everyone. But still Ruby's father exerted a warm and calming presence as he spoke in between chuckles. "Please, mister is way too formal… just call me Tai, the pleasure is all mine." It caught Cinder off guard for a but somehow she should've expected it. "Glad to hear you've been keeping my little girl out of trouble."

At the mention of her date, Cinder's gaze drifted towards Ruby. There was a knowing smile on her lips that the girl returned with red faced embarrassment. "That's hardly true Mr. Xiao Long, Ruby is a pleasure to have around."

"Is she now?" Tai raised an eyebrow at his daughter and Yang couldn't stop the giggles that escaped her. "I'm glad to hear that." For a moment there was a period of silence, but with a clap of his hands Tai kept it from becoming uncomfortable. "Well I hate to keep you ladies waiting, I'm sure you'd rather be off on your date."

Cinder nodded and when she extended her hand towards Ruby, the girl wasted no time in taking it and wobbled over to her side. The woman watched the sight with amusement before turning her attention back to Tai.

"Is there an appointed time when I should have Ruby back home?"

He replied with a shake of his head and casual wave as he looked at his daughter. "Don't worry about the timing, you two enjoy yourselves... Just make sure you send your old man a text of when you'll be back…or sleeping over if…that's how it goes." He added and nervously scratched the back of his head. Yang instantly burst out laughing.

"Dad!" Ruby scolded, heating up under all the gazes.

"I'll be sure to have her back before midnight." Cinder interjected, amusement clear in her tone but Ruby was glad that she said something. "Shall we get going?"

Before either could do so, Yang stepped forward, her expression dark and eyes narrowed, almost glowing with intensity. "Just remember that if you hurt my little sister I'll beat you to a pulp." She warned and slammed her fist into her palm for emphasis.

Cinder was unfazed as she looked the woman over. "I wouldn't expect anything less." The gave Tai an acknowledged nod. "It was a pleasure Mr. Xiao Long...little Xiao Long." And Yang a teasing smile as they headed back to the cab waiting for them.

One was confidently striding and the other half wobbling half holding on before they got into the vehicle and drove off, leaving both Xiao Longs in a moment of silence before Tai Yang let out a whistle.

"Man…Where did Ruby find that girl?"

"Ah gross dad!"

The moment that Ruby got into the car she let out a sigh, slouching deep into her chair. "Why did that have to be so awkward?" With the only thing catching her attention being Cinder's amused tone. "Apologies. I wasn't quite sure what to expect myself."

"Oh nononono." The girl insisted, assuring Cinder that it had nothing to do with her, then realising that she was probably making her nervous as well. "You were good… great…you look great. It's just my dad that keeps embarrassing me and stuff. But you're fine… more than fine."

Ruby didn't know if her frantic mumbling was doing any good but she was relieved when she saw the woman smile in return. "Thank you." Only then getting the chance to appreciate the girl's appearance as her gaze swept over her. "You look lovely as well." The woman breathed, darkening Ruby's blush when she shifted closer next to her.

She couldn't bring it upon herself to look directly at Cinder but Ruby wasn't particularly fond of the idea of not looking either.

"You're staring little Rose." The woman mused, enjoying the look for pure surprise when the girl realised her eyes were still on the other. "S-sorry." She stuttered and quickly turned her head to look out the window. "So uhm where are we going?" She asked, hoping that Cinder would forget the fact that she was just caught ogling her.

"Still as impatient as ever I see." The woman teased, amusement clear in her eye when she saw that Ruby was still quite embarrassed. "We'll be there in a few minutes, no need to worry..."

When they did arrive it was at a small restaurant near the waterfront of Vale. Inside the atmosphere was warm and welcoming, well decorated but the aesthetic not overly fancy in Ruby's eye. In fact it was really nice and after being seated within the first two minutes the girl knew that Cinder had gone to a lot of trouble in planning this date. It made both a mixture of warmth and anxiety brew in her stomach.

"So tell me…have you dated before?" Cinder asked as she took a sip of her water, deeming it as good a topic as any to start the night with.

Ruby thought for awhile but shook her head with a shrug. "Nah not really I mean…I've been on a few dates before but never officially y'know. I guess you could say I never had the guts to make the first move." She finished with a nervous chuckle as she smoothed out a few stands of stray hair.

Relationships, especially official ones were never her strong suit. Perhaps it was the sudden worry of somehow messing things up that kept her away…not being good enough.

"I find that hard to believe." Cinder inquiringly raised an eyebrow at the girl. "After all relationships go both ways, don't they?"

"Yeah I guess you're right." The girl agreed and found herself wishing that she had had gone one more dates before. Maybe then she wouldn't be so nervous and unsure of what to say while drinking more water as an attempt to run topics through her mind.

"Have you? Dated I mean."

"Once or twice but those relationships never lasted very long." For a second she seemed to be lost in thought as she ran her fingertips along the smooth edge of the glass. "…I suppose you could say we both wanted different things out of it."

Although that might have been putting it lightly.

In the past most who claimed to be interested weren't because of her, but rather in what she could give. They only used her and when Cinder could see profit in a similar goal she would entertain the idea for a while. That was until she saw no use in them anymore, then she would simply cast them aside without a second thought. And so the cycle of using and being used continued, a warped game of cat and mouse that Cinder eventually grew tired of.

After which she decided that relationships simply weren't worth her trouble. But now…as she looked at Ruby, Cinder found herself wondering when that mindset had changed.

"Ah that's too bad, you'd make a great girlfriend." Ruby quipped and smiled warmly at the other woman with a soft blush growing on her cheeks. It caught Cindecr of guard, something that the girl was gradually getting better at.

"Oh? Do tell." But even so that didn't stop Cinder from firing back a reply ,smirking slyly to herself when Ruby once again became a stuttering mess.

"W-well I mean you're super smart and talented and nice….and also super pretty sooo...yeah." She finished awkwardly, gaze wandering about before widening in surprise when she heard the woman's soft chuckle.

"You flatter me Ruby."

The girl giddily shuffled in her seat, cheeks a glowing red after realising that she just made Cinder laugh a little.

"I try."

It was then when the waiter finally came to serve them their drinks. Glass of red for Cinder and a strawberry milkshake for Ruby, that the girl nearly halved within her first sip.

"Have you eaten here before?" Ruby asked as she took hold of a menu, eyes flying over the dishes listed with a slight frown on her features. "I'm not really sure what to order."

"I was hoping you'd know, I've never been here myself." The woman admitted before turning to the waiter. "Any recommendations?"

"This evening have a special on our fillet. We also serve an excellent range of pasta dishes, of which the seafood is which we are most known for."

"Ooooh." Ruby's eyes instantly shifted to the picture of the dish described and Cinder couldn't help but to crack a small smile.

"I think it's settled then." With that said the woman handed him the menus and he left with a polite smile and curt nod. Leaving the two women in a moment of silence.

"So how was your first year at University?" Ruby asked after finishing her milkshake in just a few gulps. "Blake and Weiss keep telling me how glad they are that they finally finished with exams." Cinder then watched amused as the girl tried to wipe the residue off her face.

"For the most part…Uneventful." The woman then grabbed a napkin of her own and wiped away the blotches of pink that the girl had missed. "But I'd be lying if I said that there wasn't anything worth noting." When Cinder was done she smirked at the girl before her, wide eyed and her ears completely red. "After all I did meet you, didn't I?"

And when her fingers slid down to cup her chin between thumb and forefinger, Ruby's mind struck a blank. She could hear a faint and distinctive wheeze of a kettle boiling on a stove but then again it probably was her brain. Desperately trying to scramble words around to form a sentence.

"An-and I met you too." The moment Ruby uttered those words her mind flashed back to that day and she was reminded that they had known each other for months now. They had gone from complete strangers to Ruby wanting to call her a friend. Knowing that…it made her sigh internally with relief and when her anxiousness came to pass, she smiled warmly at the other. "So I guess it was a pretty great year for both of us."

Cinder's eye widened slightly in surprise but it's shock slowly faded into something softer as she leaned back, voice now more than a breath as she spoke."You never seem to stop surprising me, Ruby."

The girl giggled in return and closed her eyes as she grinned back at Cinder. "I guess that just means that I have to compliment you more."

Ruby's grin had to be contagious for the woman found herself returning it as her the girl's words rang through her mind. Without meaning to a delicate pink blush started to dust her cheeks. It was the first time since Cinder could remember. As she reached to take another sip of her glass the woman hoped that Ruby wouldn't notice while trying to regain her composure, tone cool and even as she spoke.

"Are you looking forward to your last year in high school?"

Just like that Ruby's forehead found the table as she crossed her arms, letting out a dissatisfied groan.

"Ugh."

For what must've been the umpteenth time that night Cinder found herself smiling at her date's antics as she let out a chuckle.

"It seems like we have a common reaction."

With a pout on her lips Ruby's eyes found Cinder's as she let out a sigh, fingers playing absentmindedly with the napkin on the table. "It's just gonna be haaard and I don't know what I'm gonna do and I'll probably need to get an part time job if I wanna go study the year after that."

It was then when Cinder's hand found Ruby's, gently cupping it in an attempt to put the girl at ease.

"No need to worry, I'm sure if you work hard you'll be able to pull it off. Who knows…maybe you'll have a scholarship coming your way."

Ruby's gaze shifted to the hand covering hers and then back to Cinder. The smile on her face different than all of her previous ones, not enthusiastic but rather endearing in a way, the woman couldn't quite place it.

"You sound like you were super good in high school, like you got all the prizes and trophies and stuff."

Cinder couldn't help but to playfully scoff at the notion and strangely she was able to look back at those memories with bittersweet nostalgia. "Unfortunately I was quite the delinquent." She now had a different perspective. For a moment the woman was caught up in how drastically her life changed in but a few years. "That is before I came back and decided to get my life on track."

Ruby looked confused, but then her silwer eyes lit up with realization. "Oh yeah you had to finish high school first…" The girl blinked once..twice. When she tried to think back her mind struck a blank. "Wait how old are you?"

Embarrassment. There really wasn't another word for it. Ruby felt like a complete…dolt when she realised that she never once asked Cinder about that at all. But on the other side of the table Cinder instantly started to chuckle. "Don't let your father hear that."

She couldn't blame the girl for asking, the topic never came up before and she never felt the need to mention it either so Ruby's question shouldn't be surprising. With an amused glint in her eye the woman took another sip of her wine. "I am turning twenty one this year."

The girl let out a groan as she rested her forehead against the table once more. "How do I not know when your birthday is? I mean you know mine sooo..." Then quickly looking up at the other. "When is it? I have to know!"

Cinder paused for a moment, watching with mirth as the girl listen intently, determined to never forget it.

"The 25th of December."

"On Christmas!" She exclaimed with wonder, once again straight up in her chair. Nearby diners gave the girl questioning glances, but Ruby didn't seem to notice and Cinder paid them no mind. It was much more entertaining and adorable to see the girl fawn over something as simple as birthdays.

"Are you gonna throw a party?"

Truly a child at heart.

"…I stopped celebrating after sixteen."

Cinder would be lying, if she said that there weren't times when she wished that she still had a lingering sense of childish wonder.

"Aaaah nooo you have to, birthday parties are fun and tradition so you have toooo."

Perhaps then she would no longer look at the world with such cynicism, but then again blind optimism was hardly any better.

Still… she didn't have to cast it all away.

"Please? I'll bake you a cake."

And with Ruby she didn't have to.

"Only if I get to share it with you." The woman finally gave in and as if on cue, the waiter brought them their servings of food.

Two plates of steaming seafood pasta that looked absolutely mouth watering and Ruby had to remind herself that she was in a public place when she dug in.

"It seems like you worked up quite the appetite." The older woman remarked when Ruby finished her dish in the time that she got halfway through. The girl let out a contented sigh as she grabbed hold of her napkin yet again.

"That was the best pasta I had in like ever." Followed by a sheepish chuckle as she pointed to her face. "Did I get it all this time?"

"It seems so, yes and that's high praise coming from someone who can bake at the top of her head." The woman briefly remembered all the times Ruby insisted on making lunch when she visited. Honestly home cooking at its finest. "Were you self taught?"

"Well not exactly. When my mom comes back home from a mission we always bake together and when she's away I just bake things on my own or with Yang. Mom taught me a lot." The girl exclaimed and slowly her memories started to drift to that of her mother.

"She's in Vacuo, no?" Cinder was mindful of her questions as this was not familiar terrain.

The girl stopped for a moment to think. "Aaah yeah, she should be coming home in a few months so maybe you two could meet."

The thought brought along a sense of dread and when she looked at Ruby's glittering smile she couldn't help but to feel bad. She was judging a woman she had never met.

"I'm a bit hesitant to be honest, I doubt she'd find me…acceptable." But this wouldn't be the first time that she had gone to meet the parents…and having it end in a catastrophe.

"Nah she'd like you." Ruby insisted with a wave of her hand and although it brought her some sense of relief, Cinder was still sceptical. "Aaand she doesn't really have a choice cause I already like you."

The woman instantly cracked a sly grin at the comment, rising her brow inquiringly. "Is that so?" Her voice just above a whisper, successful in setting Ruby's cheeks on fire.

"Yeah…I mean not like that not like…like like- not that that there's anything wrong with that I'm sure that I can like like you…anyone can…but what I-oh no not again." She sighed in defeat, burrying her face into her hands as she tried to escape the embarrassment but Cinder's chuckle made it completely impossible. "You're too easy to tease Little Rose."

And so the rest of the night continued with them talking about everything and anything that came to mind and it grew to be a very enjoyable night.

"Well that was certainly satisfying." Cinder affirmed with contentment as she neatly placed her knife and fork down on her plate. Then turning to Ruby who had turned to a glass of wine. "I'm sure you still have an appetite for dessert?"

The girl grinned back at her and Cinder already knew the answer as it was the girl's favourite.

"You know there's actually the greatest ice cream place a few streets down from here." The girl commented and it quickly drew the other's attention.

"Oh?"

"Yeah the best part is that they're open until late so when Weiss, Blake and Yang go shopping all day I at least get to have some ice cream."

"You should take me there sometime."

"Yeah that'd be great!" Her eyes instantly lit up with barely contained excitement.

"Then it's settled." Cinder stated and mentioned for the waiter to bring her the bill.

"I mean we don't have to go right now." Ruby insisted and a pout quickly formed on her features when she realised that she was probably sounding really selfish right now. "I don't wanna mess up your plans or anything."

But Cinder simply waved her off. "You're not messing anything up Ruby."

And after giving her a reassuring smile, the girl's worry instantly faded away, replaced by excitement.

"Then I'm gonna make sure you get the best ice cream ever!"

Cinder then quickly signed her bill and placed her card in the booklet while Ruby searched her hand bag for money. "Let me just get my-" Her dad even gave her some extra allowance for tonight.

"There's no need for that, Ruby."

Then the girl watched as the waiter took the booklet from her hands, half wanting to grab it before she turned back to the other.

"I- I couldn't let you cover everything." She stuttered while pushing some notes her way, but Cinder paid it no mind when she received her card back.

"I asked you out to dinner, didn't I?"

"Yeah but.." There was nothing that Ruby could say to change the woman's mind and shovelled the notes back into her handbag instead. "But next time I'm covering it." She insisted, tone unwavering and Cinder happily agreed with a nod as she got up.

"Of course."

When the two women stepped outside into the night the air was cool but not unpleasant and with no breeze in the air it was a perfect night to stroll around the waterfront. Everything around them was set alight, still buzzing with a warm yellow glow to it.

Ruby quickly checked her scroll, seeing that it was 10:24 before sending her dad a quick text, telling him that everything was going well.

"Where to Little Rose?" The woman breathed as she looked both ways down the street. Ruby thought for a moment, brow scrunching up in thought.

"Uhmm…this way." Then without looking twice she grabbed hold of her hand and started leading the way, Cinder happily following from behind. "So have you ever walked around Vale like this?"

"On a few occasions, but this would the first time that I've been to the waterfront." She admitted, gaze drifting from the passing couples, shops bathed in light then back to Ruby. "And that I've been accompanied."

Ruby grinned back at her. "Well I'm happy to show you around then." It was only then that the girl realised that she was still holding onto Cinder's hand, radiating a soft heat that slowly made it's way onto her cheeks. She timidly looked up at the woman next to her and Cinder smiled slightly when she felt the other's eyes on her. But she said nothing and for awhile the two of them walked in silence, listening to the incoherent chattering and laughs of people walking past and the rise and fall of the ocean nearby.

"So what's your favourite ice cream flavour." Ruby quipped once they came into a clearing, surrounded by shops with a glittering fountain situated in the middle.

"Mmmn that is quite a difficult question, but I suppose you can never go wrong with plain vanilla."

"One of the classics." Ruby nodded in agreement. "My favourite one is a triple scoop of chocolate, strawberry and caramel ice cream with chocolate sauce and mini marshmallows …with extra sprinkles."

Cinder chucked at the sound of what she guessed must be quite the spectacle and experimental treat.

"You sound like quite the connoisseur."

"There it is!" The girl exclaimed and Cinder could only watch in utter disbelief as Ruby ran towards the small ice cream shop. Nearly running into the glass door before stumbling inside while she trailed from behind. Breathing heavily her silver eyes darted from left to right, finding the place not as busy she would've expected. "You're…you're not closed right?"

The man behind the counter instantly recognised their most frequent and valued customer.

"Luckily not yet miss Rose." As he noticed her unusually formal clothing he was about to ask when Cinder stepped in, sauntering over to stand next to the girl. And that's when it clicked.

"What will it be for you ladies?"

Ruby didn't need asking twice. "I'll just have my usual thanks." She chirped and questioningly looked up at Cinder who was honestly at a loss, letting out a sigh as a smile touched her lips.

"Surprise me."

"She'll have the same." The girl ordered and Cinder didn't quite know whether she should be worried or not. Perhaps a bit for when the two of them were seated on a wooden bench outside, Cinder had no idea how she was going to finish her dessert.

The woman initially thought that it would be saccharine sweet, but found the mingling flavours quite enjoyable. Although she couldn't help but feel a tad childish, for once Cinder didn't mind... Ruby on the other hand had polished her treat long ago, now happily swinging her feet back and forward.

"You wouldn't mind helping me finish this?" She offered and the girl burst out in a fit of giggles at the sight of the dash of chocolate peeking out from the side of Cinder's mouth.

"Looks I found your weakness." She teased and took the cone from hands, then the napkin around it to dap off the stray splotch of ice cream. Cinder's eye widened in surprise at Ruby's action but softened again when she met her gaze. "That you have. I haven't had I've cream like that in quite some time."

"I'm glad then…that I could take you." The girl's eyes seemed to twinkle in the starlight in the sky.

"So am I."

For a while the two of them sat in comfortable silence, contempt with holding the other's hand. Ruby was in pure bliss, thinking about her amazing night as she listened to the distinct sound of a saxophone being played in the distance. It gradually grew louder and soon stray couples nearby started to sway along to the music.

Subconsciously Ruby started to tap her foot to the rhythm and Cinder smiled to herself before checking the time on her scroll. "It appears to be getting late, I should be taking you home soon."

Ruby's expression visibly fell as they got up from the bench, she was just starting to enjoy herself and didn't want to go home just yet. When they started walking, her silver eyes searched the area around them.

"Something bothering you Little Rose?"

"We should do one last thing." The girl insisted as she grabbed hold of Cinder's hand. "…Before we go."

There was that look in her eye again, completely unwavering but the pleading glint to it still remained. Cinder's attention drifted to the musician standing at the edge of the fountain before offering the girl her hand.

"In that case…may I have this dance?"

Ruby's blush darkened tenfold, shuffling on the spot. Dancing had completely slipped her mind and yet again she wished that she was a little bit more prepared, but wasn't about to deny the woman her request.

"Can I take my shoes off first?"

With a chuckle Cinder nodded and started leading her to a more open space, Ruby almost jumping at the touch of cool cobblestone under her feet.

"Okay uhm I don't really how to do this." She confessed shyly when Cinder placed Ruby's hands on her shoulders and her own on the woman's hips. Their sudden closeness sent a shiver down her spine, but Cinder seemed to be un phased and confident as ever.

"No need to worry, just follow my lead."

Cinder rook a slow step forward and then another, Ruby in turn took steps back. Then to the left and forward again, almost tripping over her own feet and she nearly knocked into her partner.

"S-sorry." But Cinder didn't say anything, gradually picking up the pace until both were gliding over the cobblestone pavement.

"Well look at you." Her amber eye shone with praise and pleasant surprise as she slowly twirled the girl around, following her movement seamlessly. "You're a natural."

Ruby smiled sheepishly in reply and looked down at her bare feet and the pair of heels in front of them. "I have no idea how anyone can do this in heels."

"There's not much to it Ruby...simply practice." And when Cinder drew the girl in closer they settled into a swaying rhythm with Ruby gently leaning against the other's chest. Her scent, a blossoming inferno, was warm and welcoming.

"Cinder?"

This time when they looked at each other there was no anxiety or nerves, simply peace and fondness.

"Yes, Ruby?"

"Thanks." A single word. So simple. Still Cinder couldn't quite comprehend the meaning behind it. "And for what might you be thanking me?" To which the girl seemed unsure on how to reply as she shuffled on the spot.

"Y'know…taking me out on this date and I guess helping me and sticking with me this last few terms. I know I'm not really the most mature person out there."

Cinder wondered how many times those words had been said to her, how many times others had to change her. Why else would Ruby be thanking her for something as simple as that?

And yet there she was, loving, kind, trusting and always seeing the potential in others where Cinder would've though there to be none. Ruby was honestly too good for this world and the woman knew that she paled in comparison

If anything Cinder should be one thanking her.

Vale knows how many times she went down the wrong path in her life and continued to stray at times. But Ruby never...not once even considered giving up or cutting her out.

For that reason Cinder would always be grateful, even if she didn't say it. But that didn't mean that she didn't want to. There was so much that she wanted to say, but no amount of words would be able to express how she felt. Perhaps she too didn't quite understand what she was feeling.

"I think youthful is a better word, but I wouldn't want to you to be anything... anyone else." She gingerly cupped the girl's chin between her thumb and forefinger, titling her head just a bit so that she could stare at those shining silver orbs. "...Just you."

And when her lips brushed against the girl's forehead it was like she didn't need to say anything at all.

The soft touch sent an electric jolt down Ruby's spine, all of the blood in her body went up to her cheeks and her mind felt like it was going into overload, but even with all that was happening, Ruby understood. She understood Cinder like no one else. Not perfectly and not without patience and a bit of prodding.

Eventually the time came when simple curiosity turned into genuine interest and at times...concern. And the girl would continue to do so, to try and understand who Cinder is now and who she one was. In turn Ruby showed her both the good and the not so good in her life. Cinder was the only person who could touch her jagged edges without the fear of being cut, to look at the parts Ruby tried to hide without pity or scorn.

And when the girl looked up, Cinder's smouldering gaze was no longer guarded from her. It's unwavering intensity melted into a gentle warmth that seemed to ignite the girl's chest. The sensation was foreign to her, but she welcomed it. The woman stepped back and just like a few moments ago Ruby stepped forward before wrapping her in her arms.

Cinder was rigid at first until she slowly melted into the girl's tender affection, returning the embrace in kind. A smile graced her lips when Ruby's whispered words reached her and along with it, a new memory.

"Just you too."

Ruby never quite understood how her brain worked, but then again she pretty much over dosed on ice cream that night. But strangely this time...when she sat next to Cinder on their way back to the Rose - Xiao Long household, Ruby could do so with ease. The girl leaned against the other's shoulder while Cinder combed her fingers through Ruby's hair, a habit that was getting rather frequent, and both of them just felt so... relaxed, like it has been done countless time before.

Only this time Ruby could understand what she felt. Why it felt so different.

Over the last few months neither of the woman knew were they stood with one another. Cinder wasn't sure how much she could reveal about herself or how close she could come and Ruby in turn didn't know when she was overstepping a boundary. Navigating social cues and trying to decipher unsaid words had become... confusing to the girl. Now...after tonight... that kiss, that single kiss that made her heart flutter and fingers grace her forehead upon trying to remember it.

They finally understood that they were not strangers, not acquaintances and at times 'just friends' weren't accurate either, but that hardly mattered. What mattered is the possibility of what they could become...what they could mean to the other in the future.

And when the two women glanced back at their past memories together, flashing by in a blur of colour like the cars racing past, they couldn't help but to smile at how their relationship came to be.

All of it thanks to a chance meeting.

...a packet of cigarettes

...a few scoops of ice cream...

...Cookies and Cabernet.

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whiterazorbill · 7 years

Text

Undertale: What works and what doesn’t

Watching a disheartened Let’s Player playing Undertale made me ponder about attitudes I don’t really like about some fans. Namely, that many felt compelled to just outright spoil or bash Let’s Players who weren’t “playing the game the right way”.

Now, people throwing spoilers at new players is nothing new in any fandom, really. There will always be “those people” who will either judge you for playing badly, or “backseating” like crazy even when it’s not asked. But my personal impression is that Undertale brings out a very specific kind of excited fans who will feel stressed out when they see the game not being played “the correct way”.

The game has a multiple paths systems, and without even taking this into consideration, there should be no “incorrect” way to play a game. They are interactive medias; the player should make the experience. A case can be made for a Let’s Player to “play incorrectly” if they deliberately do not seek to progress in a game, but that isn’t what all those Undertale new Let’s Players were doing.

By all accounts, those people yelling at the new Let’s Players are wrong. But I had to wonder: what made the Undertale fans doing this compelled to act this way? What make those people believe that there is a correct way to play? And are they right?

I had to wonder: is that an attitude which originated from an inherent fault within the game itself?

(Disclaimer: This is but an opinion piece, which by no mean changes the fact that I believe Undertale to be a great game. I do think, however, that it’s a show of appreciation to be critical of something you love, and recognize its issues while still loving it. Spoilers are of course expected. And with that, let’s get on with it.)

After two years, I can say:

What I think works in Undertale:

A simple, but effective story, with a good narrative execution (At least, for the neutral/pacifist run)

A colorful cast of characters with endearing traits and compelling backstories.

A good natured sense of humor, which can tiptoe into meta*(1) without ever truly crossing it.

The combat system tries something unique, and if you like Earthbound type of witty combat dialogue, it can be pretty entertaining. The ‘defensive phase’ in bullet hell fashion is also a good experience in countering the usual RNG*(2) types of attacks you encounter in RPG. You’re not powerless against the monsters’ offenses, and trying to do a ‘no hit run’ is completely possible.

What I think doesn’t work as well:

Crossing through the underground can be long and boring if you’re not on your first run.

Combats can get repetitive, even with the SPARE type of dialogue mechanism. It’s something that can arguably go with the genre of the game, which is turn-based RPG inspired, and the encounter rate is fairly low overall, so I’m personally more lenient. It can be a deterrent for some, however.

The game may be ‘too easy’. I know the people who never played bullet hell type of game may not think so, and I know that people who play through the first time can have a hard time; but overall, unless you go ‘genocide’, the learning curve is fairly low, and it will only get easier with every new runs you do (I guess this is when we scream for a ‘hard mode’).

The multiple endings system is severely limited by something critical, and that is that the game itself does not value the multiple endings system, in spite of including this mechanism within the game’s story.

I believe this is the very last point which made the people commenting so insistent on making LPers play ‘the right way’, and I believe this may be the weakest point of the game. Both as a game and as a narrative experience.

The multiple endings system is undervalued, because only one ending matters

There may be many different runs you can experiment with, but the neutral ‘endings’ are basically the same thing: Sans calls you and you get a rundown on what happened after you/Frisk left the underground, which is fine, but doesn’t exactly inspire much. It may be a reason why, in spite of branching to interesting timelines, those neutral runs are much more rarely explored in the fandom.

The True Pacifist run is very clearly the ‘favored’ run. While playing through a neutral run is necessary to get it, you can pretty much finish a neutral pacifist run, then reload your SAVE to a point prior and finish the pacifist branch without issues. And while this is convenient, this is a deterrent from experimenting with the other routes. Flowey himself does a whole speech to emotionally compel you NOT to experiment. And while this is a good character piece that shows his growth? It also very much demonstrates that the game has a clear judgment on the players who DO try out other routes.

Now, maybe this is not the creator’s intent. I can’t possibly know. But what I see is that players are edged from the beginning to follow a clear line, and that is: the pacifist route. Flowey himself hints at it at the end of your first neutral run if you missed the memo before, that the game really wants you to go pacifist.

And while this is overall understandable for the characters to push you this way, the truth, is, however, that players are used to be led by such clues, and that most of everyone will follow the directions. This is how most of us learned to play our games. Thus, only dedicated players will start a game again after pacifist.

Compare and contrast with other multiple endings games. I can think of two types: one is a SMT or Mass Effect sort of choice, where the ending you chose is about your personal values, instead of an ‘objectively good’ ending for mostly everyone like what the True Pacifist ending in Undertale is.

The second type is something I’ve seen in visual novel types of games, like 9 Hours 9 persons 9 doors, where not only there are multiple endings, but the endings are required to obtain in order to unlock the ‘true ending’. It works similarly to Undertale in this way, except all the endings are shown as important for the game’s progression.

We don’t see that in Undertale. You can ‘finish’ the game with having done a single neutral and a single pacifist (and yeah, I’d use the term ‘finish’ for the True Pacifist route. It’s the only route with full credits). There is no reward for going through a neutral route apart from going through the neutral route itself. There is no incentive for a player to go through those, and worse, you’re ‘punished’ for ‘choosing’ a non pacifist neutral routes compared to the pacifist one, because you HAVE to start over to reach the ‘good end’ after you ‘mess up’.

This is never explicitly said, but it’s something the people who watch and criticize LPers who picks ‘bad options’ knows, which is a further reason for them to get upset about it, even if this is counter-intuitive to blame others like that, and far from the LPer’s fault. The truth is the game, in spite of having a multiple ending system, doesn’t particularly care for it.

And that’s the best case. The worst case is the genocide run, where the "you’re a figurative monster for doing this" message is pretty clear.

And… I believe the genocide ending’s message in particular works in detriment to the game’s scenario.

The genocide run ending is a narrative mess, because the game is too busy judging the player’s actions

Now, the truth is, Undertale’s story is excellent for being such a simple premise. It’s well-presented and executed. However, this, I personally believe, is only the case for the neutral/pacifist runs. To me, it’s clear that Toby Fox was mainly interested by this part. The royal family’s story IS the most compelling and deepest part of the lore, and there are good reasons to get invested in it. It also unfortunately helps in contrasting how confusing and badly executed the genocide run ending is.

Not everything is uninteresting in the genocide run. In fact, it can pack up a good emotional punch if you’ve already done a pacifist run and become invested in the characters (which, as I mentioned before, is the most common route). The characters themselves are showing greatly compelling new facets of themselves when faced with the menace that you/Frisk have become. It gives a nice change of path to the repetitive nature of the neutral runs.

But of course, the game is ‘punishing’ you, the player, for daring to do something so vile as to kill everyone. In order to unlock the genocide route, you had to go out of your way to kill every monsters in each area, which means going through the boring battle system ordeal many many times. The game does not want you to have fun in this route (Ironically, the two biggest fights of that routes can be a reason to do the route, if only for their challenging aspect).

The issue I have with this route, especially its ending, is that the excellent narration appears to have been forsaken and replaced by an ‘eff you for playing’ message. And that message takes the form of Chara.

Now, Chara is actually of fairly low importance to the game story itself, in spite of being present in all routes, on your character’s name screen, and as an ‘adequate red herring’ of sort, even if it’s solely from the player’s perspective. You’re encouraged to believe the ‘fallen human’ you named is the human you control, Frisk, when it actually is what the genocide run hints to be the lingering spirit of the first dead human, Chara, who latched onto Frisk’s soul when they landed on their grave at the beginning of the game. That’s a decent twist for the player, and gives an excuse for Flowey’s obsession with Frisk, but the story can actually be told without Chara’s spirit to ever be relevant if you skip the genocide run, like most people did.

And within the genocide run itself? This is where Chara’s characterization gets messy.

I’m not going into any theories about them; whether they were ‘bad from the start’, misunderstood’, a ‘massive manipulator’ or ‘the actual narrator of the game’ changes nothing in what I will say: The speech Chara gives at the end makes very little sense in the narration. That speech is put in a way which is toeing with ‘meta’ without ever making the line clear, like the game often does with its humor. In here, not only does it make what the ending is about very confusing, but it’s like trying to do a ‘take that’ at the player, without fully committing to it.

And no, I don’t believe this is a good characterization moment for Chara if you remove ‘the player factor’, simply because the speech makes little sense when addressed to Frisk, as it should be if you ignore the meta-toeing. Because Frisk SHOULD KNOW about Chara, since at least Home. Chara literally says ‘it’s me, Chara’ in front of the mirror. Frisk, as THE CHARACTER, not the player, should have either been contacted or tried to contact Chara much earlier and should be aware of Chara’s presence already.

This was, I believe, mostly done for a twist factor for the player, rather than a logical narrative choice. It may explain why so many AUs and fanfictions go with the ‘Chara possesses Frisk throughout the genocide route’ path, even if it’s something that is neither supported by gameplay, nor by the narration (people who mentions the occasional times when your character moves on your own shouldn’t ignore that this happens in pacifist runs as well, and is not a mark of genocide run specifically. And either way, at no point until the endgame are you prevented from RESETTING, loading, or even lose control in battle). In truth, Frisk being possessed is contradictory to Chara’s speech as well, but it’s a way people reconcile with the utter lack of characterization/actions of Frisk.

Was Frisk treated as a character, instead of a prop for the player to get judged by the game, I personally believe the Genocide run’s story would be logically more sound. Chara is as much of a prop in this. As stated previously, their impact on the other runs is minor/non existent. Here, they do not exist primarily as a character, but as a judge for your (the player’s) actions. And while they’re supposed to be a judge for Frisk? Story-wise, the speech is nonsensical at that specific moment, and as it is formulated.

Were it a proper story, Chara would have ‘greeted’ Frisk much earlier. But this would of course mean removing the player/Frisk’s confusion the game wants to keep so much. Frisk would have needed to be shown as their own character prior to the True Pacifist run. This is where it fails to me; when it substitutes a chance at story-telling for a ‘look at what you’ve done’ speech.

Most likely, this was a deliberate choice on Toby’s part. The gameplay is overall a downgrade in fun because the player ‘tried to be smart and go against the morally right’s obvious choice’. It makes some sense for the story to break apart in this run as well, for ‘no fun is allowed’ here. It’s not a choice I approve of personally, but it’s a choice.

But the entire scenario falls apart at that point as well. Chara “erases” the world you play in through no means that are explained in game. There are no logical reasons presented within the game as to how or why they have that power. Sans hints at the timeline being in danger of being erased, but that in no way constitutes an explanation for what happens.

The True Pacifist Run story is decently established, while the other runs’s endings have plot-holes with no in-game explainations

Compare and contrast the Genocide Run with the Pacifist Run and the Neutral Run. In the pacifist run, Flowey’s ability to absorb both humans and monsters’ souls at the end? It was straight out set up and explained in the True Lab’s logs. It was explained that he was a vessel created for the purpose of hosting both kinds of souls, something monsters and humans are established to be unable to do. The way monster and human’s souls works is something the game took a long time to set up, just as it set up Asgore as a conflicted ruler with a lot of depth.

The neutral run, in comparison, has more explained, but also more things left in the air. Flowey’s battle has him use ‘savestates’. Which is both a meta reference and something that had been established very early on in the game. If you RESET/load in the ruins at the point Toriel asks you about your food preferences, she will mentions having feelings of already knowing the other humans she met before she met them, which strongly hints that other humans within this universe have a SAVE as well. And this makes sense of the Omega Flowey’s fight mechanism of his six ‘savestates’.

Things become less comprehensible at the neutral run ending, when Sans phones Frisk to fill you in on the underground’s situation. At that point, Frisk’s whereabouts are unknown, but they have definitely not been spotted in the underground. This is strange, because from what the game told us, Frisk should not have been able to escape the underground. They failed in absorbing a Boss Monster soul, which is what they would need to pass through the barrier.

Now, there are many theories for this (Frisk died, the barrier wasn’t that strong, the last battle pushed them out, etc.) I have my theories as well, and I’ve read many good pieces about them. I have read good pieces explaining the genocide run ending as well… but in the end? Those are just that. Theories. Within the game, you will not find a definitive answer for either how Chara ‘erased’ the world, or what happen to Frisk after the neutral run.

And my personal belief for why that is? I don’t think the creator was interested in those timelines as much as he was in the True Pacifist run, which is the most complete and explainable timeline. That’s the most complete story. That’s the one that matters.

In the other runs, the narration is taken over by the game’s need to comunicate to the player

The actual non-narrative answer for why Sans phones Frisk at the neutral end, and the universe hasn’t RESET yet, in spite of Frisk’s potential demise? The player had to be informed of what their impact on the world was. It wasn’t thought of as a much as a speech to Frisk, as it was to the player. For all the game tries to make Frisk their own character at the end of the True Pacifist, Frisk is treated as a prop for the player throughout the game.

The actual non-narrative answer for how and why Chara erased the world in the genocidal run? The game ‘needed’ to punish you for what you’ve done. This is the very reason why your True Pacifist ending gets ‘tainted’ by the creepy pasta vibes. And this is why there are no narrative impact within the true pacifist run itself when it becomes a ‘souless pacifist run’ after a genocide.

The story potential is treated as unimportant compared to teaching you, the player, how ‘actions have consequences’ (regardless if the way you play a game has any impact on whether you’re a good person or not. I doubt most of the people who killed monsters in games are devious killers IRL). I’m personally not fond of this ‘judging’ attitude the game has over you when playing it. Especially when it’s done in detriment to potentially thrilling storylines. But that’s a creator’s choice, and I respect that.

How the game’s weakness may have turned in its popularity’s favor

If anything, an argument could be made that those ‘unfinished’ worlds that are the genocide and the neutral runs have done great in inspiring fan authors to explore them, and make sense of them in the way the game hasn’t. Just as Flowey’s ultimate fate in the True Pacifist run have inspired people to do their own takes at ‘saving’ him. And just as ‘the Gaster mystery’ inspired, even if it’s just a bunch of creepy stuffs thrown in at the end of the game programing (from the game code itself).

There are plenty of good stories that haven’t inspired as many works as Undertale, and this is because, I believe, if a world feels ‘complete’, we’re less inclined to work with it. Undertale’s world doesn’t feel ‘complete’ (in my opinion, because the creator himself did not think everything through, or cared enough for those elements). This makes it ripe for imagination.

My conclusion

The most surprising thing about the alternate runs is that Toby has even programmed them at all, given the clear bias for the pacifist ending. But I guess the choice ‘had’ to be presented, even a choice that is disapproved of.

I don’t believe this was a necessary choice, though. From the genocide run’s rushed and muddy story, I think it’s clear Toby was mostly interested in the True Pacifist Run. Would the game have suffered from removing the ‘choice’ of the equation? And just sticking Frisk as a pacifist kid freeing a race of warmongering monsters through the power of lowercase love? Maybe. Maybe not. As it is, I personally think that the game is not really the multiple endings choice it’s presented as. And I don’t believe it wants to be, for better or worse.

----

*(1)Meta: (from https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/meta) “(of a creative work) referring to itself or to the conventions of its genre; self-referential”. In this case, it would mean the game makes reference within its universe that it is a game. Self-referential games exists, but Undertale actually never makes the step to crosses into meta references fully.

*(2)RNG: (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Random_number_generation) is a gamer term used to talk about Random Number Generation, which is when an element of ‘luck’ is introduced in the gameplay via a program that will generate a random result. An example is how in Pokémon, an attack can occasionally miss, or cause additional effect such as ‘poison’ or ‘burn’ regardless of the player’s input. This is a widespread mechanism in old style RPGs, but Undertale circumvents this by giving the player an action phase to counter the enemy’s attack instead.

#UT #Undertale #genocide run #pacifist run #Chara #Frisk #the player #toby fox #rant #blackrazorbill rant #long winded rant #this is just my personal opinion #theories and headcanons are great though #except when they start warring on each others because it's dumb #I think sometimes we just gotta admit that a story just isn't perfect and cannot be fully justifiable by itself #it's ok

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the-no-good-moonite · 6 years

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cortana, find “how to remove STD”

So yeah here’s my thoughts on Star Trek Discovery as of the ninth episode:

its ugly, sounds like trash, is terribly badly written and probably smells weird if in a physical format

but allow me to elaborate a bit a lot

the sound and visuals are the smaller problem admittedly; I like plenty of things that looked arse when they were first made and look like double arse now, so if the writing wasn’t so bad I would be willing to accept this as a flaw of the series and concentrate on the rest of it. as it stands...

the music just kind of being “there” is nothing new (see: large chunks of the other series), but it’s still disappointing. the sound design being terrible on top of that? that’s trash. nearly every time a ship opens fire we get minor variations on generic and ill-fitting turbolaser sounds... I mean come the fuck on. you don’t want to be restricted by tradition, go nuts, but if that’s the best you’ve got to offer you shouldn’t have

(I realise that choice is likely a result of a directive from on high and not entirely the sound team’s doing, but it’s still executed poorly)

as for art direction... well, John Eaves is a very poor choice for how much they’re giving to him (most of starfleet it looks like? not sure who’s doing the klingons but what little I can see of them isn’t impressing me either). I don’t hate his stuff outright like some people do, but he’s very “safe” and has exactly one aesthetic that has worn out for me and compares badly to what they’re making it contemporary to here

the art direction in general is quite bad though - there’s so much nebulous shit that glows blue in the same kind of way that it legitimately confuses as to whether or not it is the same thing - and the way it’s all shot is boring and unremarkable at best.

(and oh look, it’s another trek villain who has a colour scheme of mostly metals and neon green. get the fuck out of here)

the... space fight choreography (not sure what else to call it?) is absolutely the worst part though, it’s almost claustrophobic, everything’s jammed together like it happening in a bloody fish tank. the camera has no great desire to give us a clear view of what’s happening, or of any object other than the discovery and the ship of the dead. they almost appear to be going out of their way to avoid giving a clear look at anything else, which makes me think they’re not being given the time or budget to make models that will withstand close examination... which would be expected, but still laughable as ever

the spore drive and all the effects associated with it are ugly as sin and conceptually terrible also; I will accept no dissent on this point

sets and props are kinda “eh”, but i’ve not seen anything overtly wobble, and that’s apparently the only metric that matters so uh, good job there

so! the writing. the horrible, horrible writing.

I’m going to mostly ignore the actual dialog here, because while it is deserving of flak, it’s mostly stock phrases and interactions you’ve seen significantly better or worse versions of. so not a lot to actually say about it. I don’t like much of it and the attempts at humour are pretty lame.

what I take issue with is the overall construction of it... like they’re doing a “maybe the federation isn’t right about how it does things?” kind of thing and im onboard with that, asking questions on if the federation is really what it presents itself as has potential. but they’re not actually asking any specific questions.

and this kind of attitude pervades the whole show; there’s vague noises about stuff - maybe both sides are wrong - or whatever and the odd “aren’t we explorers?” but ultimately the show has little to no opinion on any of it (or doesn’t yet anyway), just making enough of an effort to try and get you to think it does, and then let you fill in the answer you agree with most...

if it sounds like im leading in to a “intellectually hollow centrist liberal” kind of comparison, you fucking bet I am, because that’s pretty much what it feels like to me

I mean I expect someone’s going to try and claim they’re just going for moral ambiguity, but I struggle to think of many actual examples of that in anything, and it DEFINITELY looses any claim to such when you have characters being told that actually no, Their War Crimes Were Entirely Justified and then nobody says any different

(star trek has no substantive claim on moral consistency, but that’s just fucking indefensible, and it shouldn’t be left even slightly ambiguous if Lorca was in the right for saying that. which is kind of a recurring problem with that character, contradictory as that may appear for me to say that right after my previous comment...)

then you’ve got the portrayal of the klingons as man-eating space orks... who are doing a holy war... even if that didn’t conflict horribly with the (for star trek) more complex portrayals of klingons in the past, on it’s own it feels like it’s undermining the claims to progressiveness just a little bit

(well it’s part holy war and part MQGA [Make Qo'noS Great Again] but you know what I mean)

and plotwise now we’re doing... voyager? maybe in the mirror universe? I don’t know. I guess they won’t stick with it for long enough to redo voyager’s worst mistakes but why am I having SG:U flashbacks all of a sudden

funnily enough I actually like SG:U more than discovery, though that may be partly not having watched it since it aired

lost my train of thought here, uh, characters bad?

or some characters bad anyway. I like maybe half of them to some degree actually, despite the dialog and how inconsistent the portrayal of nearly everyone is in between - or within - any episode (another old problem for trek, but it’s really grating with the format here)

there’s plenty to criticise though; i’m really unsure the writers have any clear idea of what Tilly’s “deal” is (only socially awkward? on a spectrum? just “weird”? who can say!) or if Stamets is an asshole or a just good-hearted grump... there’s other things like that. maybe they’ve detailed stuff in interviews, but the show itself is terrible at communicating any clear intent

but Michael and Voq’s fake personality Ash are definitely the worst characters, so i’ll focus on them

I will maintain that Michael’s backstory is rubbish, making her Spock’s secret sister is amazingly unnecessary rubbish. on top of that, we’re told she’s a top of the line member of starfleet which is then immediately undercut by her doing something stupid and reckless that almost gets her killed (after which she then presumably irradiates everything between sickbay and the bridge...) followed by doing something stupid and reckless that gets a lot of people killed and starts a war! this is arguably the most prominent trait of the character

she kind of comes off as a suicidal maniac, is my point. Captain Georgiou is quick to jump to a suicidal option too (and im just gonna say... most prominent asian person in the series to date... suggests a suicide attack...)

does this version of starfleet just not do psych tests until you hit admiral? of the two that have actually done things we’ve had two walk into obvious traps, but one of them seems comparatively well adjusted

anyway, so we’ve got Michael, a pet character of some writer who changes personality every other scene and totally not Voq, we swear and Ash. who is about the most blandly likeable love interest possible, and definitely Voq infiltrating starfleet, how long are they gonna drag this secret cylon constructed memories bullshit out just bloody kill me already and also a survivor of sexual abuse (and torture) with PTSD.

they heavily implied this was the case when they introduced the character, and then in episode 9 it was confirmed explicitly by the character in question... that’s all fine, feels like a bit of a cheap grab so they can be a “mature“ story but let’s see how it plays out... and oh.

they went and showed (what was framed as but aren’t necessarily) the events in question. this is, at best, tasteless and inappropriate

now, i’m not going to say they’re going to handle this in the worst way possible, but what they’ve done so far is making me really fucking uncomfortable! I do not have faith that this will resolve even remotely well

and then there’s the whole thing where his memories are likely 100% manufactured as cover, which has a good chance of giving this whole situation an unpleasant taste all on it’s own

I also really had no need to see these new klingons naked anyway, or any naked klingon really, and in context cable drama nudity is absolutely the worst thing they could’ve copied from game of thrones without thinking about it

anyway, that’s [however many, I don’t want to check] badly formatted and often grammatically incorrect words to say:

The show is bad. You disagree? Ok. I disagree with you. Now nobody is happy. I would prefer to be happy. I am not.

Goodnight.

#star trek #discovery

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cupkayke · 7 years

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Cupkayke Rewatches/Liveblogs Boueibu!

Season 1, Episode 3

So I dropped off the face of Tumblr for awhile, sorry guys! I also rewatched the entirety of Yuri on Ice with my boyfriend and he now likes ice skating anime so that took some time lol But I am back JUST IN TIME FOR YUMOTO’S BIRTHDAY OMG HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRECIOUS CHILD. So, have a liveblog/collection of my stupid thoughts about one of the more ridiculous episodes! Yay!

Also, I apologize in advance- some of this episode’s subtext led to an impromptu dissection of the boys’ sexualities/orientations and there are some brief mentions of unsavory teachers (because what kind of teacher holds a pretty boy contest???) so if any of my terminology/speculation is incorrect or you find any of my discussions potentially triggering or in need of tags PLEASE inbox me and I will tag the post as such/correct any misinformation! I am a literature student- I like to analyze things. Sometimes I get carried away~

I SAW THE PREVIEW IMAGE FOR THIS EP ON CRUNCHYROLL AND IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT ‘HERE WE GO I REMEMBER THIS EPISODE IT’S GONNA BE A TRASH PARADE AND WTF CITY LET’S GO’

Okay- I always wondered about the pretty boy contest… like why? What purpose does it serve? Why are there posters put up in a fucking BATHHOUSE advertising the local boys’ high school’s PRETTY BOY CONTEST. .3 seconds into the episode and it’s ridiculous.

What do you mean ‘weight with the ladies’ c’mon man I have a hard time believing you care ANYTHING about ‘the ladies’ -eyebrow waggle-

He’s doing pirouettes in a towel… okay seriously bro I danced ballet for like 10 years and I never pirouetted in a towel OKAY THAT’S PROBABLY A LIE BUT YOU CAN’T PROVE IT OTHERWISE

"EWWWW TEACHER DICK”

Aww Yumoto. So innocent. So naive. So willing to point out he just saw his teacher’s penis-

...well that’s an odd question. Yumoto why would you ask-

Oh, shew, it’s because you’re not ashamed of bodies! How sweet and innocent and refreshi-

WAIT BACK UP NEVERMIND YUMOTO WTF THAT’S CALLED VOUYERISM

Those are the faces of some senpais that just came to the realization that their kouhai has probably been checking them out.

Well he got dressed fast.

How do you hire someone by accident?

Took the words right out of my mouth, Atsushi.

This is disturbing on several levels. Pedo Principal? -shudders-

FEET SHOULD NOT BEND THAT WAY

GUYS. GUYS. GUYS. AKOYA AS A BALLET DANCER OMG. IMAGINE. HAS THIS BEEN DRAWN? THIS NEEDS TO BE FANART SOMEWHERE. HE’D BE SO PRETTY JUST IMAGINE HIM IN TIGHTS BEING THE PRINCIPAL MALE LEAD IN SWAN LAKE OR FUCK EVEN IN A FUCKING TUTU BECAUSE HE’D BE GORGEOUS IN EITHER ROLE I CAN’T EVEN AWKEJFLASJFASLDJFOSIJFOAJ -Cupkayke Explodes-

Arima speaks truth

Io why do you have an exact copy of the calculator I use at work that’s terrifying.

RYUU YOU ARE LYING YOU GO TO AN ALL BOYS SCHOOL THAT IS APPROXIMATELY 0% WOMEN TRY AGAIN

Io looks so disappointed he can’t talk numbers with Ryuu

THEIR CHEESY CATCHPHRASE AGAIN

Side note I feel like the quirkiness of the school got toned down in later eps but perhaps that’s my faulty memory. Which is why I’m rewatching it lol.

Pretty and savage AF

PINK RIVALRY! I mean seriously, “you can’t seem to take your eyes off of me?” Maybe not even a rivalry but something else ohohohohohoh I’m alone on this ship

Okay this creepy teacher apparently calls all the boys ‘sweet honey’ which is disturbing on its own level but that got cranked up to 11 on the creep scale when he referred to YUMOTO as sweet honey.

Yumoto is a precious cinnamon roll you freak

Paper airplane contest lololol why do I feel like this happened at my school back in the day?

Wombat sounds like a jealous lover lolol

OH BOY! PUNS!

RYUU AND AKOYA TIED FOR THIRD???

HOW DOES AKOYA NOT WIN IN THE LINEUP OF THE SC???

LIKE SERIOUSLY KINSHIROU????

AKOYA IS TEN TIMES PRETTIER!

This school must have a thing for ice princes I s2g

En's boredom is dangerous. I mean... the face says it all.

Ryuu is all “this is NOT up my alley”

A bit slow on the uptake, Yumoto.

Io that’s so sweet... I guess? Well Ryuu seems to think it is- look at his face!

...nevermind. His expression is all “Thanks... I guess...”

Either Yumoto was hoping his senpais would teach him how to be popular with the ladies, or he’s just confused as to what in the hell it is that older boys want. This entire scene is just a clusterfuck of innuendo BUT I’M GONNA OVER ANALYZE IT ANYWAY.

The surface meaning of En and Atsushi’s statements here- or what the audience is supposed to get- is that being popular with girls will only get you so far. It may get you ‘love’ but having a girlfriend means jack squat if you don’t have guy friends (most likely to brag to).

It also could be taken that En at least would rather appreciate women than exert his energy into making them lust after him, which is rather sweet if you think about it.

Atsushi’s point also draws attention to the fact that stereotypical displays of machismo are much more well-received by other men than women- ie outward displays of strength, aggression, bragging about sexual encounters... er- yeah. No need to go on, there.

So. In order to be a well-rounded man, a man needs to be popular/be admired by other men! So you aren’t a lonely loser the rest of your days.

Buuut... because I’m me... LET’S LOOK AT THE SUBTEXT IN RELATIONSHIP TO THEIR SPECULATED SEXUALITIES 8D

En basically says straight up it’s more beneficial to be admired by men. Putting aside the above statements about admiring women... En’s likely gay. Fosho.

And the top screencap of Yumoto, instead of just clarifying his senpai’s intentions, that could mean that he’s more interested in girls. HOWEVER-

With a c: face, Yumoto admits his heart flutters watching rugged young men!

Bi Yumoto anyone? (He also unironically uses the word ‘flicks’ but that’s either a translator thing or another example of a mysterious dialect but ON TOPIC-)

At least within the context of this scene, Yumoto implies he’d be interested in being popular with girls and he is attracted to at very least a certain type of man. Buuut the rest of this episode (which I will get to later) potentially directly contradicts this implication as to Yumoto’s romantic and/or otherwise attraction.

It’s too bad that we don’t get Ryuu or Atsushi’s opinions on the matter- although Ryuu makes his attractions pretty clear just from his character (and then the subtext with Io). Atsushi is a bit of a mystery, for now.

As for Io, we get this exchange-

Le sigh. Io is moneysexual. Anyway...

Wombat so salty- I guess helping Ryuu win a contest is more entertaining than being superheroes.

Me about halfway through this post

En's expressions in this scene are great.

Tho does anyone else now headcanon En as really into athletics when he isn’t being lazy?

Like him really liking competition just fits so well but without a goal he’s just like ‘why bother’

Atsushi sounds so awkward calling him Yufuin

“I can’t just announce him as Enchan that’s weird but I don’t think I’ve ever said his last name ughhhhhhhhh”

Io is NOT playing by the unspoken one urinal in between rule

ALSO I JUST NOTICED YOU CAN SEE THE GUY ON THE LEFT ACTUALLY PEEING WTF

Water go swoosh swoosh

Also their bathrooms are fancy AF

GDI why does Io make the best seduction face

Even tho it’s more predatory here still...

THEY WERE REALLY HEAVY HANDED WITH THE INNUENDO IN S1

The triplets WHY ARE THEIR EYES SO WEIRD

WHAT IS IT WITH THIS SHOW AND SIDE CHARACTERS WITH WEIRD EYES

Ryuu so destructive lol

I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID ABOUT EN BEING ATHLETIC RYUU DOES FUCKING KARATE

Sparkles

Ibushi is still savage AF

I had to giggle and cap his character card because the image of Atsushi doing gigantic jigsaw puzzles was adorable

YOU’RE A TEACHER WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A PRETTY BOY?

LIKE SERIOUSLY WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE VALIDATED BY HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS

Did he get scorned and that’s why his self esteem is in the toilet???

1579th pretty boy contest??? Damn Pedo Principal is thirsty AF I am still shuddering at the implications

Tho seriously that’s -does math- ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY ONE YEARS OF PRETTY BOY CONTESTS WHAT THE FUCK

And that isn’t taking into account there would probably be a month or two where school isn’t in session on the 27th to have the pretty boy contest. Like December wouldn’t they be on break? And don’t they have a summer holiday at some point?

IT ISN’T JUST ONE PEDO PRINCIPAL IT’S A DYNASTY

EWWWWWWWWW.

YUMOTO AND RYUU BROTHER RELATIONSHIP I FRIENDSHIP IT LOOK RYUU IS BLUSHING

Yumoto knows he’s a lil shit

What the fuck kind of sound effect is swan swan???

I’m suddenly reminded of Kronk doing his own theme music-

Ryuu so salty he wanted to know the winner

Yumoto that writhing mob of students is pretty gross I agree

SO ZUNDAR WANTS THE ENTIRE WORLD TO BE GAY

THAT’S HIS EVIL PLAN TURN EVERYONE GAY

HE SOUNDS LIKE A SHITTY GROSS POLITICIAN

With that shot angle I was just waiting for him to lay a fucking egg but thankfully that didn’t happen

The subtitle is inaccurate- he actually said ‘GIMME HUG’ which is slightly more unsettling.

EN YOU WANT TO MARRY IT WTF

Yumoto still just like c: “I have no idea what’s going on”

I NOW PRESENT TO YOU THE BEST BOUEIBU SCREENCAPS IN THE HISTORY OF SCREENCAPS

ATSUSHI SO GRACEFUL

SO ROMANTIC

EN IS JEALOUS

THEY’RE ALL RIDICULOUS

Speaks for itself

And here is where Yumoto contradicts his earlier implications. Okay. 1) Writers make up your minds, although 2) ...shades of gray here.

Perhaps Kurotori’s feather spell represents sexual love (Eros for all you YOI fans~) and Yumoto is either a) too young/innocent to understand or b) somewhere on the ace spectrum. The others were affected because they are either simply older than Yumoto/past puberty or allosexual to the point where the spell could manipulate their feelings despite their existing attractions whatever those may be.

Yumoto’s earlier comments, then, could be taken to mean simply romantic attraction, even though his wording of his “heart fluttering” thanks to Yakuza men is a bit misleading in that respect. (Disclaimer: I am not on the ace spectrum so perhaps I am misrepresenting/misinterpreting here- please correct me if I have made a mistake in my understanding of asexuality- I definitely do not want to offend anyone! Just analyzing~)

Though to play the other side, En’s comment about marriage, even though he’s under the influence of a spell, also indicates that the spell has romantic components as well as potentially sexual ones. If the spell plays to BOTH- wouldn’t Yumoto be affected as well, based on his earlier assertions?

OR PERHAPS- if it is both, Yumoto is ALSO potentially aromantic and his comments were purely of an aesthetic nature or self projection (that is, he wants to be a dashing Yakuza heartthrob, not necessarily date one). Or he was simply trying to relate to his senpais and was bluffing the entire time.

Damn, this episode can seem REALLY deep if you squint hard enough. Headcanons, abound!

Moving on- WHEN IN DOUBT, HUG THE ENEMY!

Now I’m starting to see some cleverness on the part of the writers- hear me out below- but first- MORE CUDDLES

With this, Yumoto can be read several different ways.

On the surface and probably most importantly, regardless of what Yumoto’s personal attraction/orientation is (if he’s even figured it out at this point), he knows love at its purest form. He loves his brother. He loves his senpais (even though at this point they barely know each other- Yumoto probably latches on quickly). But more importantly, he is so in tune with his own feelings he realizes that self love is at the core of any type of love. That if you aren’t secure in yourself, if you don’t care about yourself on some level, how can anyone else care about you either?

This is another reason why I love Yumoto even though he can get a bit heavy-handed at times and seem like a one-note character; HE ISN’T.

Yumoto is incredibly introspective and even though his senapis make comments about how he just kind of shoves everything together to fit the situation he really does understand the monster-ified characters’ insecurities.

(Which can lead to some sad headcanons about how Yumoto has probably felt all of these things at one point or another... oh no...)

But back to my over-analysis of Yumoto’s orientation- with this... it’s really up to interpretation.

He can be read as a young character who hasn’t figured things out yet, he can be read as interested in romantic relationships of any variety but not necessarily anything else, he can be read as only interested in platonic relationships- anything. And while the inconsistency in his portrayal can be a bit maddening- it’s GREAT headcanon opportunity.

Thus, unless s3 gives Yumoto a canon interest- he’s whatever you think he is. Which is AWESOME! DO YOU SEE WHY I LOVE THIS SMOL CINNAMON ROLL?

Aaaand some closing, not very deep thoughts to wrap up-

SO BLUSHY. MUCH ANGELIC. WOW.

En you’re always tired

Kinchan... why do you want people to grovel at your feet...?

That’s certainly a random question, En- but for shits and giggles; these are their responses if I’m hearing their voices right:

Atsushi - My neck, I guess?

Yumoto - My arms

Ryuu - Armpits

Io - The nape of the neck.

My brain hurts so I have NO idea what these could mean but I highly doubt they’re throwaway lines- SO YOU GUYS TELL ME. Over-analyze what parts they wash first LOL

OKAY WOW THAT WAS LONG AS FUCK AND I GOT TOO DEEP. Again, let me know if I fucked anything up or need to add tags~ And let me know what you think/what your headcanons are/if there’s something from another canon source that could add to this!

I’ll try to get ep 4 up today as well since it took me forever to get back to this but this shit takes longer than I thought. I watch the ep first and take notes, then go back and re-watch and screencap and take more notes, then copy/pasta everything into tumblr and add more thoughts and make it readable. Shew.

#cupkayke rewatches boueibu #cupkaykey rewatches boueibu #boueibu #boueibu meta #binan koukou chikyuu bouei bu love!#binan kōkō chikyū bōei bu love!#binan high school earth defense club love!#Binan Koukou Chikyuu Bouei-bu LOVE!#Cute High Earth Defense Club Love!#tw: pedophila mention #kinda?#sexuality discussion

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izzyovercoffee · 7 years

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Out of curiousity, what's fandom been using as mando'a for 'clone?' I either don't see the part of fandom that picked a word to run with or I saw it and expunged it from memory for the reasons you mention.

sorry @katarnarmor I didn’t see this earlier, I always forget to check messages when I’m mobile B(((

Also, a lot of these determinations / unpacking came through conversation with @cassiansfuzzyjacket, so I’d like to give credit over to Gena as well. She’s wonderful and I love her.

Okay, so. The offending word in question is “ ara'gotenir ” from arasuum and gotenir. Yikes. Time to explain why we should not use it.

EDIT :: alternative word to use instead? eyayad. explanation here

( Also, I understand that originally the word was meant as a verb and not noun, but nouns within mando’a are constructed from their verb equivalent. So. Keep that in mind. Also, the supposition that the {also fandom constructed} word for twin ara’vod is equal. it is not, and still a poor/offensive choice, with even heavier negative ties to Arasuum due to the use of vod. anyway. )

This got really long after all, so if you don’t want the lengthy explanation, here’s the bullet points:

if ara’gotenir is used, it can only be done so in a derogatory way, as a specifically structured slur against clones, reasons following:

arasuum — stagnant, remain the same, unchanging

scientifically incorrect, clones are not exact copies

extreme negative connotations within mando’a / mando culture

negative connotations out of universe

arasuum, the word itself, has a very specific cultural context and it is a negative one — just outside of the already negative connotations the idea of stagnation and unchanging already carries

gotenir — birth, give birth

as a verb construction, as in the act to clone, then I can kind of understand it, as a very literal translation across language lines

but even so it still doesn’t apply, because the clones are not birthed, and if anything … combined with the above reasons of why arasuum is not a good word to use …

can only be interpreted negatively, as a sort of offensive irony or sarcasm

thus, ara’gotenir

is offensive, and/or

literally translates to stillbirth

so don’t use it in the context of clones and cloning =/

I’m all for world-building, and I can see some mandalorians pushing forward the idea that the clone men are not “real people,” but the thing is … I believe this was entirely unintentional. Also I can’t really throw myself behind a word that ultimately would only make the most sense when used to demean their humanity in very … very specific ways that are devastating within mandalorian understanding and language =/

I also cannot endorse creating nor using slurs for an entire body of non-white men in order to dehumanize them further than the source material, and fandom in general, already does. It does not matter that it’s fiction.

EDIT :: as pointed out by @silenthouse

aragotenir, literally translated, means stillbirth

Which only lends an even worse connotation on top of the given meaning.

Though ara has multiple meanings that can be derived, it was specifically chosen from arasuum — stagnant, remain the same. This is wrong for a variety of reasons, but I’ll try to keep this short (lmao yeah right, me? keep anything short? anyway I failed so here comes a cut) and stick to the main ones.

the science though

Starting with the literal meaning: stagnant implies that all clones are exactly the same. Here’s the thing people either don’t know, don’t understand, or don’t look up … clones are NOT EXACT copies of each other, and a simple google search of cloning myths would reveal that.

For this word to be created by Mandalorians who trained them … well. It is, at best, unkind in the way that willful ignorance is unkind.

Okay. Mando’a is a spoken language. But words lose their meaning, or new words spring up as a result of new information or out of need for a word that’s appropriate for the situation. Anyone who’s trained the clones can see that they are not exactly the same, even without the science behind it. But I digress.

the connotations of stagnation (general)

My main concern is that the word stagnant has a severely negative connotation within mandalorian culture, not even beginning to address that arasuum has specific negative connotations tied to the word itself. Then you also have the understanding that it is negative in english … It has not and will not be a word that can be taken with any neutrality in any context, full stop.

culturally speaking

At the very core of mandalorian belief systems lies the implied, if not spelled out, need for the people to be open to change, and to eternally combat stagnation. This is literally a thing, and it runs as an undercurrent in all materials, from Pacifist to Extremist and everything in between.

Mandalorians, at their core, are about struggling. Embracing the struggle, in every meaning and iteration that that can be interpreted. Struggling to survive the day, struggling against the rise of an Empire, struggling against a cultural genocide. To be mandalorian is to struggle against stagnation, against a status quo that threatens life, but also fully embrace the fight in whatever manner that means.

So, the logic follows then that people with stagnation in their name already carry the stigma against them — that somehow, in their very existence, they are already the embodiment of stagnation. Something which they cannot control, and also cannot escape. (yikes, sounds familiar, doesn’t it?)

Consider further that mandalorians are often “very easily” mistaken for one another in a way that specifically reads as a homogenization, or blanket descriptor, that is used to stigmatize them. Follow, then, the train of thought that culturally speaking it’s not a good choice.

Mandalorians may know and use that “being confused for another” as a tactical advantage, but there is a very real awareness that this is not a positive stigmatization (tbh there’s no such thing as a positive stigma or stereotype, but that’s besides the point).

Arasuum in mandalorian culture

I touched on this above, but let’s get to the actual cultural understanding:

Arasuum was a deity in the ancient Mandalorian religion. Known as the sloth-god, the Mandalorians viewed Arasuum as the personification of stagnation, who tempted the ancient clans to engage in idle consumption. Opposing Arasuum was the god Kad Ha'rangir, who embodied the universal opportunity for change and growth that destruction created. Mandalorian mythology held that Arasuum and Kad Ha'rangir waged an eternal war against one another.

The Mandalorians who believed in these ancient gods waged ritual warfare as a means of worship toward Kad Ha'rangir, whose ideals they served, taking on the name Mandalorian Crusaders as a reflection of the holiness embodied by the conflict they engaged in. By fighting wars in the destroyer god’s name, the Mandalorians sought to earn Kad Ha'rangir’s favor, and defied the temptations of Arasuum.

— the wookia (sources in the actual article itself)

So, not only do we have the cultural issues that follow the meaning of stagnation, but we now also have all the complicated spiritual implications that follow a sloth-god.

It’s irrelevant if mandalorians as a whole no longer practice certain types of religions for the reason that these religions were central in the construction and influence on mandalorian culture, from the onset. Though deities and worship have been lost to time, we can still easily see the worship and veneration of The Fight, even in the pacifists (who, frankly, actively resist and fight for the way of being, and fight for their position in the known galaxy, despite being “pacifists.” regardless of one’s opinions on them, that much is true).

So to repeat myself … people with stagnation in their name already carry the stigma against them — that somehow, in their very existence, they are already the embodiment of stagnation, and now, they’ve become the actualized manifestations of what mandalorians, at their core, are meant to resist and struggle against.

Yikes, lmao.

That said, let’s move on to the next part of the construction:

why gotenir does not make sense

Gotenir, literally translated, means birth or to “give birth.”

The clones, the ones mandalorians would be most familiar with, were not born. They were decanted. This is a very serious distinction, for a number of reasons, but let’s break it down again:

literally and metaphorically speaking

Across different media, one can find different … ah, “memories,” let’s say, of clones floating in a tube. Whether that applies to their memories of development, or things that followed their decant, I have never seen such recollections as anything more than clinically neutral.

Not once, except perhaps in sarcasm or irony, have they been described as “born.” I could have missed a moment of course, but honestly … how they were created =/= live birth. Birth is also not a good metaphor for creation.

and its actual literal translation

Stillbirth.

I shouldn’t have to spell out why this is messed up when used to refer to clones and cloning.

the negative associations when tied with Arasuum

The irony of using birth for a man who was not birthed, tied with the use of a literal manifestation of the worst possible temptation tied within the belief system, leads to the conclusion that aragotenir, and aragoten, are both inherently derisive.

You really … cannot get around it.

To say that these cloned men, specifically, were birthed … cannot be more than bitter irony, or sarcasm. There’s really no way to get around those connotations, whether that was the intent or not.

And then to tie them directly to Arasuum, the Sloth God …

Look. Here’s the thing.

This word, I’m sure, was not intended to be constructed within fandom as a slur. And, I’m sure, that there are mandalorians out there (particularly Death Watch, but others too) who do not view clones as fully human. The other day, I got involved in a disagreement in which the core argument was that clones are subhuman, and this was a purely out of universe discussion.

Within the source material, there are countless instances and events recorded of the common citizen deriding the clone army and expressing that they don’t recognize their humanity. Dehumanization in-context and out-of-context is a very real thing associated with the clones of The Clone Wars within Star Wars universe, across Legends, EU, and Canon.

As I said in the TL;DR, I cannot condone the use of this word. It does not matter that this is fiction — the clones are a huge body of non-white men, and further dehumanization is unacceptable. Fandom already has difficulty seeing them as people, separate from each other, different from each other. Fandom doesn’t even understand that no two clones are exactly the same (please for the love of the stars won’t people google cloning myths already).

We don’t need another way to deride them, as the word clone has already become, has already been used, for that specific purpose.

Also, we do have another word that just as easily, poetically, and inoffensively, works for clone. But that comes in a separate post, for two reasons: the first being that this one is already too long, and the second being that I want to really get into the why and the how of that word without the weight of this one.

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