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damagedintellect · 1 month

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ADA Dazai x Reader

💌Obligatory sex pollen fic I guess?? chapter 2💌

Summary: Certain abilities Dazai can dispel outright without touching the user. This has always confused the brunette greatly where the technical line was drawn. During Q's apocalypse, he couldn't bring individuals back to their senses but with Shiwabusa's fog he could prevent Chuuya’s ability from manifesting. Apparently this “Sex pollen” ability was more like the former example. Which left Dazai the only one conscious of their actions as everyone fucked like rabbits.

Notes: Based on a dream I had a few nights ago....This chapter is shorter because I started waking up once I realized it was THAT DREAM, I'm literally crying it got a second chapter some one help😭

Contains: sex pollen, dubcon, pregnancy, mpreg, pregnant Fyodor, Fyodor being painfully religious, 🍋 in chapter 1

💌 Wordcount 1,971 💌 Chapter 2 of ?? [If I have another dream I am obligated to update this] <= Previous chapter

Just like that for a few weeks everything was back to some semblance of normalcy. Out of sight out of mind you guess. Once you stopped feeling sick all the time you could hardly tell you were pregnant at all. You were still confined to the office since it would take anywhere from 3 to 6 months to fully heal from your injuries but that was fine with you. Honestly you don’t understand how Dazai does it. You've been pampered by Yosano's ability. It didn't even occur to you that you'd still have to have some sort of physical therapy afterwards either. Meanwhile Dazai gets shot and stabbed all the goddamn time and he takes it like a champ. Just one more reason to like him you guess.

Dazai looked up to catch you staring. You didn’t look away but your face did start to feel warm. You hadn’t really sat down and talked about it in depth yet. That night or about the child and honestly no one in the office has really tried to bring it up either. Although you still don't know what to say, sooner or later someone has to say something and hopefully it won't have to be you. Unfortunately you have a feeling it's going to be you.

Dazai glanced at the door and frowned. He's been trying to avoid any meaningful confrontation but judging from the sounds outside he swallowed. He knew those footsteps better than anyone and it was only a matter of time before “he” showed up. This might as well be happening today. Without warning Chuuya emerged from the doorway looking annoyed.

“Okay, which one of you is the weretiger!”

Atsushi hesitantly raised his hand. You raised an eyebrow at the exchange. What was the mafia executive doing looking for Atsushi? Dazai sighed and rose to his feet, putting an arm around Atsushi as Chuuya approached the two.

“Why Chuuya, what brings you out to our domain! I almost didn't see you there, have you gotten shorter?” He smiles cheerfully. You swear you could see flowers and sparkles surrounding him.

Chuuya crossed his arms “Go to hell and wait your turn. I have a bone to pick with you after I square away business with the tiger boy.” He glared at Atsushi, sizing him up. “And you, my boy Akutagawa hasn't been the same since your guy's little rescue operation. Mind telling me why that is?” It was surprisingly less threatening and more of a genuine question.

Atsushi’s face flushed a few shades darker “Why don't you ask him! He's the one who-” He stopped mid sentence, groaning. He figured Akutagawa wouldn't talk about it to anyone either but being asked directly because Akutagawa was out of sorts was insulting. How did he think Atsushi felt? “You know what, the bottom line is I'm pregnant and it's his fault he used his stupid ability like that. If anything I should be the one who's traumatized!”

Chuuya hummed, putting his hand under his chin as he thought about an earlier encounter. “Oh so that's why he was muttering about being bound to the weretiger. He was saying something about not even holding hands yet and having to marry you. Guess that makes me the godfather for two babies then.” the redhead shrugged like this conversation was an everyday occurrence.

Atsushi slouched, was this karma for trying to suggest that Fyodor and Nikolai should get married?

“Don’t tell me Akutagawa is religious too.”

Chuuya furrowed his eyebrows. “What? No listen kid, this is about stepping up to responsibilities. Raising a kid's a big deal.” He looked over at Dazai with a smirk about to add one more thing but Dazai interjected, flicking the brim of Chuuya's hat.

He continued to wave his hand in the other's face. “Who said you were the godfather? I don't remember calling you.” Both of their expressions went flat for a moment as they glared at each other passively.

“You should have, it would have been better to hear the news from you than from Mori.” He huffed “Why didn't you? It's not like you to go back on your word. What happened too, I wouldn't lie about something like this.” He mocked in a Dazai like fashion.

“I thought you were too drunk to remember that!” Dazai whined.

“Yeah well I also remember promising to be your best man if you ever lived long enough to find someone.” Chuuya leaned back into his hip “So?” the redhead crossed his arms, waiting.

“So what?” Dazai said matter of factly. As the two stared back at each other, Atsushi finally sat down. Why did they have to do this at his desk?

“So what? You're not even going to introduce me!”

Dazai rolled his eyes. Is that really what Chuuya came here for? When Chuuya walked in you had gotten up from your desk to make tea. As you brought the cups over Dazai walked around you and put his hand on your shoulder “(Y/N), Chuuya, Chuuya, (Y/N). There, you happy?”

“Wait (Y/N)? You mean your-” Dazai cut him off but Chuuya looked surprised. You wonder what he was going to say. It sounded important.

Dazai pankicked and grabbed the other from behind covering his mouth as he dragged him out into the hallway. “Nope that's it you overstayed your welcome.”

Once the door shut Ranpo pouted “I'm pregnant too ya know. I wouldn't mind Mr. Fancy hat being the godfather.” He puffed out his cheeks.

Atsushi rolled his eyes. “That's all you got from that!”

Ranpo sighed “No, I also got the image of Akutagawa tying you up so thanks for that.”

Atsushi stood up so fast his chair nearly fell over. “How can everybody speak about it so casually!”

He looked over to you with pleading eyes. Atsushi was probably hoping you'd back him up. Instead you laughed, handing him the disregarded tea.

“Well for starters only the adults are here today and the more you talk about it the less power it has.” You handed the detective another cup. “Although instead of putting you on the spot Ranpo should have asked if you wanted to talk about it first or at least opened up about his experience.”

He took a sip of tea before shrugging. Ranpo didn't mind sharing at all in fact he’s glad someone asked about it. “Not much to say really. Poe hugged me from behind and by the time I realized he wasn't doing it to be cute I just kinda went with it.” Ranpo shrugged with a smile on his face. “I'm more curious what happened with Kunikida!”

The blonde tensed as you set the last cup down in front of him. He had stopped his typing as a bead of sweat dripped down the side of his face. “Do I have too?” Out of everyone in the office Kunikida had been the one trying the hardest to skirt around the conversations. He wanted to forget it ever happened. It was bad enough that Dazai would tease him about it whenever they were alone.

Ranpo hummed “Akiko's really careful because she could never give up drinking for that long, so since you're not forced into being a dad, dealer's choice?” You all nodded in agreement, it only seemed fair since you were putting him on the spot.

Kunikida pushed up his glasses. You assume he probably doesn't want to share. Instead he turns to address you. “Which reminds me, I thought Yosano gave you a contraceptive too?”

“I was so exhausted I forgot it was in my pocket and never took it.” You frowned. It didn't feel like a priority in the moment but like most of them you were out of it. “But forced parenting aside, right now this is about sexual trauma.”

Kunikida cleared his throat “I wouldn't know what to share. I turned to look at Yosano and the next thing I know we're kissing in a passionate manner.” He paused wondering if he should say something about the elephant in the room. “Also this should go without saying, but no one is forcing you to be a parent. Ranpo and Atsushi might not have a choice but there's still plenty of time for you to think it over. No one would stop you if you decided you're not ready to be a mother.” This was true but your mind was already made up.

Somehow only Ranpo knew of your crush? You thought it was fairly obvious. Had it been anyone else you probably would have gotten rid of it by now.

Ranpo laughed before you could answer, sharing his two cents. “Who said I don't have a choice? I'm choosing to have this little munchkin! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to see what me and Poe create. Besides, I've always wanted a mini me!” He patted his stomach proudly.

Atsushi sipped on his tea “That's true. So in a weird way it kind of worked out for you and Poe huh. At least one of us lucked out.” He’s been avoiding Akutagawa as much as possible ever since that night.

Ranpo snickered, “I would say two of us lucked out.” He draped one around your shoulder opening his eyes to give you a smug look. “Well you care to share with the class? This was your idea after all.”

So that’s why he bothered to bring all of this up. You sighed in defeat. “Lucked out my ass!” Your cheeks were red as Atsushi and Kunikida gave you incredulous looks “Keep in mind Dazai was fully conscious of his actions. He kind of just let me get it out of my system in hope that I would eventually snap out of it,” You groaned hiding your face in your hands “and yes, apparently I was begging him to fuck a baby into me. Is that what you wanted to hear, Ranpo!”

Ranpo blinked a few times “You didn't have to go that far but yeah I was just trying to get you to mention your crush on Dazai.”

“You have a crush on Dazai?!” Both Atsushi and Kunikida shouted. Kunikida nearly spat out his tea. You groaned “That’s why I was planning on keeping the child but I feel like I'd be baby trapping him.”

“It’s not baby trapping if you decide to keep the child, it's your body. I already told you that you have the final say.”

Everyone slowly turned their heads back to see Dazai coming back into the office. You swallowed “How much of that did you hear?”

“Not much but you already told me your reason for wanting to keep the kid.” He shrugged nonchalantly and everyone wiped their heads back to you.

Atsushi was dumbfounded. “Wait a second, let me get this straight. He knows that you-”

Dazai spoke over him. “-Always wanted kids, it's not that big of a deal. Unless that's not what we're talking about?” He tilted his head to the side. Did he miss something? It took a lot out of him to turn Chuuya away especially after the stupid slug made his own revelations about the situation.

You released the breath you were holding. Everyone else understood Dazai was just as oblivious to your feelings as always. Eventually you would have to tell him but it was still early enough in the process to figure that out. At least everyone else in the office knew why you’ve been acting weird since that night.

Kunikida groaned at the realization. “I don't know if I can handle a mini Ranpo running around, let alone a mini Dazai.” He went back to his work. “It’s bad enough having to work with Dazai as is.”

You laughed as the two tried to defend themselves.

#bsd imagines #bsd fanfic #bsd dazai #bsd x reader #dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #my bsd brainrot is showing #x reader #based on a dream i had #i can't believe this got a chapter 2

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baa-whatever · 3 months

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If I had to pick between Bloodmoon and Eclipse of which one should live....

Um....Good question....Probably Eclipse since he's not even trying to attack Sun and Moon at this point. He makes empty threats, he's just been walking around more focused on trying to find out who made him. And yes he does insult Earth but she knows it's just him trying to get under her skin to keep her from helping him. Besides, she could literally throw him out the window if she wanted, same for Solar. Most likely Solar. I still think the only reason he insults her is either because he's jealous that she's dating Monty or maybe he's trying to keep himself from getting help because he hasn't forgiven himself yet. Or he just doesn't trust them enough to give out info about himself, scared to show them weaknesses. It kinda seems like he's showing very little trust in Earth once she mentioned she wasn't the Creator's favorite anymore so that's a start.

At least he did open up a bit. Interesting to know there was more to Old Moon, I guess that explains why God Eclipse kept Sun. He did change back once Moon entered the room. Cute that Moon calls him his Son, it's like back to when he first woke up and was like "I have a kid??"

The big plus side is that he actually admits to how he felt when he woke up outside his body, not just the 'Need for control' or whatever Freddy was saying but that he was actually horrified.

Does seem a bit worrying that there might be another Moon popping up soon.

Good to see Moon caring about Eclipse enough to make him go to therapy.

As for Bloodmoon, no idea what'll happen to them but I assume that Frank's going to give them a bad time for what they did to his partner. I know it was kind of an accident and they didn't know but that won't stop Frank.

Now I'm kind of wondering if Bloodmoon will die and then come back like Eclipse.

#Sun and Moon Show

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writermai05 · 17 days

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Arsonist's Lullabye

Chapter 7: Witness Me, Like Fire

Summary: Zuko and Azula reunite?

Pairing: Zuko x fem! reader (Live Action or Animated)

A/N: A late/early chapter to make up for lack of chapter this week. I’m actually hoping to get another chapter out on Friday so let’s keep these good vibes going LOL.

Word Count: 800

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Avatar: The Last Airbender, I am merely a nerd who hyperfixates a lot. Lots of divergence from the canon story lol.

Warnings !: Mentions of Zuko’s scarring, Azula has a mental breakdown (team get Azula therapy.)

Zuko was going to burn down the shop if people kept coming in.

He was so close to being done, and yet his shift at the Jasmine Dragon was never ending. A mere 15 minutes before Friday night closing, a whole group of college students from the university, probably a club Zuko had guessed, and they had about 20 people all together. It had taken Zuko alone nearly 30 minutes to get everybody their drinks and he was absolutely drained.

As he ducked below the counter to put some pastries in the refrigerator, he heard the door chime once again. Letting out a silent sigh, he called out to the customer, “Sorry! We’re actually closed right now.” The person who walked in gave an eerily familiar chuckle.

“Even for family Zuzu? How disappointing..”

A chill shot down his spine. He straightened his spine, standing up from beneath the counter, facing his sister.

“Azula…How-”

She cut him off before he could even get another word in.

“A Southern Water Tribe girl, about..hm..” She laid her right hand flat in front of her chin, “This tall. Nice, talkative, kind of strange.”

At the mention of you, Zuko felt lightning shoot through his veins, himself becoming a storm brewing in the middle of the shop.

“Y/n…”

“Bingo! Right on the nose. She mentioned that the two of you were classmates, so I figured you and our dear uncle still lived at this little tea shop. It’s…quaint.” She said snidely, literally turning her nose up at the shop that Zuko and Iroh had put years of work into.

“How did you know about the shop?”

“You think our father doesn’t know where you are? After all these years, you thought you were finally free?” Azula chuckled bitterly. “Ridiculous, really. You should know better than that.”

“What about Mai and Ty Lee? Did you know they were in Ba Sing Se? Have you been keeping tabs on them too?” Zuko knew that it was a deep cut, but at this point he didn’t even care. Azula’s facade cracked at the mention of her two former best friends.

“They don’t matter. Nobody does.”

“Then why are you here? If you’re so much better than this, then why even come?” Zuko yelled, becoming frustrated.

This alarmed Iroh, who was blissfully unaware of the situation that was escalating a mere five feet away outside of the kitchen. He came into the front of the cafe where the two siblings were arguing.

“Azula? It’s been so long...” Iroh kept his eyes trained on the woman, a phantom image of the little girl he once knew, years before. Azula and Zuko’s heads snapped to their uncle.

“Hello Uncle. I can see you're still yourself.” Zuko rolled his eyes at his sister’s reply, letting out a scoff.

“Knock it off. Why are you here Azula?”

Azula shrugged, feigning innocence. “No reason. Don’t you think it’s nice to leave the Fire Nation every once in a while?”

Zuko, moved his hands over his face, rubbing frustratedly. “I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been back to the Fire Nation since, I don’t know, our father burned half of my face! I don’t understand Azula! You leave for, spirits knows what, and you come here, why? Just to antagonize me? What do you want?” He violently ripped his hands away from his face, fire coming from his hands out of a shear vexation.

“Zuko!” Iroh scolded.

“I don’t see what you have to complain about. You left! Just like our mother!” Azula began to laugh hysterically, much to the shock of both Zuko and Iroh.

“You know what? Coming here was a mistake. I should’ve known that he was right.” Her breathing began to pick up, as she continued to laugh, bitterly, and clearly distressed.

“Azula!” Zuko called out, as she made her way to the exit.

Then she screamed, a guttural, and painful noise. Her arms stretched in front of her body, unleashing a torrent of flames towards the two. Iroh acted quicker than Zuko, dispelling the flames as they approached them. The older man stood in shock, as Zuko attempted to follow his sister out the door.

Walking out of the shop into the cool night air, the dark sky clouded everything like a shawl, and with it Azula was nowhere to be seen.

As he paced back to the shop, he made eye contact with his Uncle, shaking his head. They could not wrap their heads around what had just happened. Iroh put an arm around Zuko’s shoulders, locking the door behind them. He knew that Zuko didn’t mean for this to happen. They would probably talk about it all tomorrow morning.

But just like that, Azula had disappeared into the night,

and all Zuko could do was witness it.

#arsonist's lullabye #writermai05 #atla x reader #avatar the last airbender #prince zuko x reader #zuko x reader #aang #atla #atla live action #atla netflix #college au #modern au #katara #sokka #atla suki #toph #atla azula

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pointparadox · 2 years

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My Issues With Blind (In No Particular Order)

Now I am not above admitting I was wrong so if these questions are answered in the drama and I just missed it then please do tell but so far here are all my qualms:

1. How did Yoon-Jae and Sung-Hoon actually get Sung-Joon to believe he was Yoon-Jae?

I understand the whole story about Yoon-Jae pushing Sung-Joon off of the playground set and everything, but `1) amnesia would definitely not happen from such a minor fall like that, especially when he did not fall headfirst and 2) How did they get Sung-Joon to remember the fact that he is Yoon-Jae from the Hope Center but not the fact that the information is coming from Sung-Joon? It just seemed like tacky plot armor. I literally rolled my eyes when Sung-Joon conveniently remembered that after Yoon-Jae pushed him down a flight of stairs (another thing that would not cause someone to regain memory). I know Yoon-Jae made some off-hand comment about “the shock therapy working” but there is no way in hell that LITTLE BOY got his hands on a torture device.

2. Why did the parents adopt Sung-Hoon?

I don’t understand what part of the story explained the reasoning for this. Sung-Hoon delivers the personal account of the atrocities of the Hope Center, Judge Ryu ignores them, and then somehow time skips to the judge adopting him? Like it would be one thing if they adopted him out of shame for what happened at the center but it seemed like he didn't care when he dismissed Sung-Hoon’s petition so what really changed?

3. Why did Sung-Hoon admit he was an accomplice -- better yet, how did he even get sentenced?

This one irks me the most because, unlike Yoon-Jae, all of the evidence against Sung-Hoon was circumstantial. Yes, Sung-Hoon saw him leave the wedding banquet but the cameras did not--even if Yoon-Jae testified against him there was not a single time in which it was implied that there was anything that connected him so why the hell did he confess? It makes me feel like there must have been some scenes that I was missing because one second he is fighting with Sung-Joon out in the rain and the other he is in jail; I don’t think we even saw anyone read him his rights.

4. How were the police so inefficient?

Now I understand that they were working under a corrupt chief but it is not like anyone listened to that dude--they were essentially working on their own. How does the police not have software that can show them what Yoon-Jae would realistically look like 20 years later--I know it’s a thing that exists also faces do not really change *that* much so upon seeing Yoon-Jae and Sung-Hoon the police chief and Crazy Dog should have realized it was them way sooner.

5. What is the point of making Yoon-Jae and Crazy Dog fight to the death?

I guess there's no technical issue with this It just seemed like such a big fuck you to victims of abuse that might have resonated with the character kind of. Like did he really have to lose his life just to avenge the other children? I am in no way saying Yoon-Jae is a saint (though I firmly believe he is also not a psychopath) but c'mon why couldn’t he get this one win against someone who was a lot worse than him

6. What is the random switch-up between Sung-Hoon, Sung-Joon, and Yoon-Jae?

I saved my biggest issue for last but I feel like these characters all acted in such a contradictory way to how they have been written since the beginning of the drama. To start with Sung-Hoon; I think his switching up on Sung-Joon out of nowhere in the last few episodes and completely dropping the facade is so tacky. It’s not like Sung-Hoon was ever an emotional character, to begin with so I feel like they didn’t have to try and make him comically evil with the whole “Ooo guess what I'm going to do next Sung-Joon ooo I never liked you I just wanted to use you Sung-Joon oooo I don’t care about you at all Yoon-Jae” bullshit. I find it hard to believe he didn’t care about Yoon-Jae at all, and while I think it’s fair for him to say that maybe he never thought of Sung-Joon as a brother (since it’s probably hard to think of the man who raped your sister and his wife as parents) I don’t think it’s fair to say that he never cared about Sung-Joon. I wish they dug into that concept of Sung-Hoon maybe not feeling any brotherly connection to Sung-Joon but still looking out for him because he feels bad for him. We know Sung-Hoon can feel emotions towards people: he felt genuine hurt and rage when Yu-Na was killed so I find it hard to believe that he didn’t have any sort of connection to Sung-Joon (especially when he also told Yoon-Jae to spare Eun-Ki and made sure her only punishment would be finding out about who her father really was) since he is essentially the same as Eun-Ki in the sense of being born to people who did bad things.

On the topic of brotherly connection, I also find it unrealistic that Sung-Joon can switch to hating his brother so quickly. I don’t expect him to condone Sung-Hoon’s action’s in any way, but the scene where Sung-Hoon tried to take his life and then Sung-Joon came and called him a coward and said that he hoped he would live in pain for the rest of his life or whatever was so random? I was expecting an emotional outburst, yes, but I feel like something that would be more in character for him would be the continuation of the whole “How could you do this to me when I did all this for you” thing they have going on (which is how the interaction did start but alas). I just thought it was weird.

Finally, for Yoon-Jae, why did they make him so comically evil after the reveal? Every interrogation scene made me roll my eyes because they just made him act like the Joker in all of them and it was just so overdone. Sung-Joon calling him a “psycho who is obsessed with murder” was annoying too because it’s like--you’re missing the whole point he’s not doing this cause he enjoys killing people he’s doing this cause he was backed into a corner by his abusers. It’s one thing to not condone his actions but to completely ignore what got him to that point just seemed foolish (which is also what I have to say about Eun-Ki).

I personally think that the show should have gone more into the brotherly relationship between Yoon-Jae and Sung-Hoon because it’s like yeah we see that Yoon-Jae feels betrayed by Sung-Hoon but why should he be? They did no development on that and honestly hindsight 20/20 the whole “Sung-Joon on the run” arc should have been a lot shorter to allow more time to develop this relationship.

7. Why is everyone except Sung-Hoon allowed to be corrupt?

The whole basis of this show is how corrupt bad people can be (the police chief, the guy trying to bribe Sung-Hoon in episode 1, the producer, the taxi driver, Crazy Dog) so I don’t see why Sung-Hoon, Yoon-Jae, and Charles couldn’t have gotten off under the same basis of corruption. Like you cannot tell me this man is gonna work his ass off and become a judge, orchestrate a whole string of murders with literally nothing technically connecting him to them, and then go to jail because of his OWN CONFESSION when he could have just used his status as a well-known judge (and one that refuses to do anything that isn't by the books) to just deny (hell, he wouldn't even look guilty so he doesn't even need to do that) and then stack the jury so Yoon-Jae could get a not guilty charge. Call it tacky, but them doing that would make so much more sense than them just putting their hands in the air and going to jail/committing suicide.

That’s all I got for now but if I think of anything I guess I’ll add it. The ending of this show just seems so drab and dull; I don’t really understand what the theme or point is supposed to be. Sung-Joon’s monologue about “oh if they had someone like Eun-Ki things would have probably been different...what a shame :/” like no shit sherlock if Eun-Ki was there they probably also wouldn’t be used for slave labor like...it was just so random. The acting was great, but the writing and plotting just took a nosedive I am afraid.

Also. the bury your gays (or idk homosexual leaning) thing that happened with Charles and Yoon-Jae was so tacky I’m sorry.

#blind kdrama #tvN blind #kdrama blind #blind 2022 #blind tvn #Ryu Sung Joon #Ryu Sung Hoon #jung yoon jae #ehhh it was a 5/10 i guess #it had some interesting concepts but i dont like how they built upon it #murder is bad yeah we know its kinda more than that though isnt it

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wackybuddiemewbs · 1 year

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Some random thoughts about Marisol's reappearance I gotta put somewhere...

Disclaimer: This is no coherent analysis of any sort, but just something I have to note down in some way. And as per usual, I'm making my rambling everyone's problem.

Like, the big question for me:

What is Marisol's reappearance in Eddie's life meant to achieve on a narrative level?

At first glance, it seems rather random to bring back this woman they helped on a call (and helped fix the house in a not at all heterosexual way, but I digress....). Like, why would you bring back yet another woman fitting a very particular pattern in this part of Eddie's story arc? After all, guy's been thriving ever since he went to therapy, and just recently told Buck that he should not date people he's met on calls.

Now, is this just a simple case of "karma's a bitch" or foreshadowing that this is exactly what Eddie will be doing himself?

Might be, might not be.

But if it's not just a typical "gotcha" moment, if this is really meant to further Eddie's storyline this season, then what is the upshot?

Those are the reasons that currently come to my mind (and it's probably none of them, but here I go anyway). For the sake of the argument (if there is), let's play devil's advocate as a Buddie shipper first and propose this:

Marisol's supposed to be Eddie's endgame

Possible, but highly unlikely IMO. I find it very hard to believe that they'd potentially follow a very similar pattern with how Eddie met essentially all the women he's dated since Shannon's death, only for this to be the one. Sure, he's had some "animosities" about Ana before, until he met her again on a call and then warmed up to the idea of dating her. But the pattern would still be (oversimplified) along those lines with Marisol:

Eddie makes some kind of connection with a pretty "Latina" (Gabrielle Walsh is not, but for some reason they kept acting like that... I'll never get the move, whatever).

Eddie warms up to the idea of dating and/or being in a relationship again, which intertwines his arc with his ongoing struggle of grief, repression, and self-discovery.

Eddie reconnects with said woman, potentially on (another) call.

Eddie goes on a date with said woman.

Now, the rest would be just guess work. But if Marisol and Eddie are supposed to actually start dating and becoming a couple (as per the premise), then the pattern would either continue with Eddie dating other people anyway (to bypass making the same mistakes he's done dating Ana), or actually doing just that (because healing isn't linear and people repeat the same mistakes).

Ergo, that begs the question: What's to be gained from a narrative POV? Either Eddie was just not ready with Ana yet, and he'd be with Marisol... which, you know, fair, but is that such a grand reveal? And what would that make it particular about her and how they met that we didn't already have with Ana? Other than that it wasn't Eddie's time yet?

So, why bother with this potential repetition of set-up? To invent some deep backstory for Marisol? Again, possible, but... also again, what's the point? I mean, the writers gave one to Taylor and that wasn't what made her and Buck last, even though it may even have seemed like it at first (the trope of "couple goes through some hardships, but they show up when it matters, they grow stronger together, and they can move on to the future from there").

Which is to say, if that's what we might be led to believe by the narrative at this point... NGL, I'd see that as a red herring, similar to the Taylor teary backstory (not) reveal. I just don't see the "lesson" Eddie is supposed to learn from the same set-up, only for this to turn out to be the right reasons to want to be with Marisol and have that partner who's meant to be forever.

Sure, sure, they could build her to be that over as many seasons. But I'll just say that I find that unlikely. Already for the plain reason of potentially repetitive storytelling, and my failure to see how the same set-up leads to a different result and lets it be "right" in one instance and not the other - for the sole reason of timing on Eddie's end.

Now, let's entertain some other scenarios.

Marisol is supposed to be the alter!Ana

Now, not in the creepy kind of way, but it might be a very interesting writing choice to confront Eddie with just that similar set-up, only for him to realize that he can't do that again. Either to himself or the person he's dating.

It could very well show that Eddie has to come to realize that he's about to fall into a similar pattern as he did with Ana. For example, to conform with the "norm", to simply not be alone anymore (a wish he voiced), because being with her might be "easy" compared to being on his own, to skip all the points about dating that he's unfamiliar with – to the familiar zone of "Eddie being in a steady relationship".

Because the latter was basically his only pattern whenever he's not decisively single. Eddie didn't care about dating (self-discovery, figuring out what he likes and doesn't like in a partner or relationship). He skips right ahead to being in a relationship. And in that way is recreating what he's had with Shannon, as they married young and didn't have as much time as their peers to date other people and figure more things out about themselves before having to make their marriage work.

Which is a long-ass way of saying: Confronting Eddie with an awfully similar pattern, and him coming to realize that this is what it is, could be really great for him. And it'd make for neat storytelling. It may open the door for him to actually start dating for himself, to have fun with the discovery (and maybe even to explore his own sexual identity at long last, oh King of Repression).

Emotional readiness doesn't equal being ready

Another thing to focus on might be this: Eddie may now finally be in a place where he can actually date other people... and not just go on (1) date with (1) person and stick to that person indefinitely, while said person bakes indefinitely many cupcakes... Still he is not ready to date, i.e. be in a steady relationship again. Why? Because he can't keep skipping through the actual dating phase (or pretend to go on dates, only to get Pepa off his case).

Eddie told his father last season that he needed to get better for himself. He's done very well on that front in so many way, but this may actually continue to be his blind spot for now. Eddie doesn't currently date for himself. He dates for his aunt, or to make her stop meddling. He doesn't take this as a way to be kind to himself, to find himself. He treats it like a fun evening at best, chore at worst. And if he doesn't, he insists that him and Christopher are a great team and that this is totally enough. Even though it's not. Which shows that he is still firmly in his comfort zone on this matter.

Which is to say: Maybe dating Marisol will give him the insight that he has to date for himself, too. And that he actually has to go through that phase, can't just skip right to the relationship phase to stop being alone or to rely on his comfort zone to "be enough".

This all comes back to what started with him dating Ana, namely Eddie's ongoing struggle with his grief over Shannon's loss. Because we learned this season that her and Eddie basically skipped a long (mature) dating process, as they married young. And Eddie continues to repeat that pattern with Ana (Eddie bumps into her, goes on 1 date with her, and he never dated any other woman again during that time). And he may even continue to do that with Marisol. And by the power of three, the third time would be the one that does the trick to make him aware of that.

So part of Eddie's healing process and reconciliation with his past (Shannon's "ghost", his own repression, you name it), his quest out of romantic solitude to finally find that one person who'll stay by his side, so he won't feel alone anymore... might actually be just that.

Buck isn't the only one missing the assignment

I know there's a lot of talk going on about how Buck keeps missing the assignment, now with him being interested in the death doula. So what I can see working just the same way is that Eddie is actually not much better off.

Sure enough, he's come a long, long way ever since he started therapy. But. I can totally see Eddie and Buck essentially making the same mistakes in different ways. Which is to say: Buddie parallels and antitheses could be so damn delicious in this. Yum.

Like, even without the shipper goggles, it's hard to deny that Buck and Eddie have been paralleled by the narrative in many ways. Their storylines are strongly interwoven, not just qua being best friends (somehow unavailable parents, Buck's self discovery journey vs. Eddie joining the Army to "do what's right", Buck/Ana parallels yet again this season, both going through and witnessing the other going through a (near-)death experience and struggling in the aftermath, trying to seem fine for the people around them, etc., etc., etc.).

So, Eddie continuing to miss his own assignments would be well within the realm of possibility. That Eddie tells Buck what he's not supposed to do (date people he met on a call), only to do that exact thing. And that Buck continues to fool himself in his belief that Natalia sees him (when she is merely reflecting the image he wants to see of himself and his relationship with his own death), even though it is a certain someone who actually sees him.

And yeah, he starts with E, and continues the odd tradition of somehow rhyming with the name of Buck's sister (Abby, Ali, Taylor Kelly...).

Why make them both miss the assignment, then? Well, here go the Buddie goggles, but I think it'd set them up neatly for what's next in their relationship. If Eddie actually starts dating for himself, if he gains an understanding of what he wants in a partner, he might finally be in the place where he can have the Oh moment. Because what he wants in a partner is what he's already got in Buck. And for Buck, it might be about seeing that it's not the person looking at him with a fascination for what happened to him, but the person who had to suffer through seeing that happen to him. Someone who sees him not for what happened to him, but for who he is.

AKA: Buck has to turn his back on the way he wants to see himself through Natalia's eyes and instead see himself through Eddie's eyes (who's seen the terrifying reality of a life without Buck in it, 3 minutes and 17 seconds long).

And here comes the potential twist I can see: Eddie also has to see himself through Buck's eyes. To finally reckon with his own mortality after the shooting (as Buck saw the terrifying reality of the 3 minutes and 17 seconds, the time we as the audience were made to watch Eddie being brought to the ER, as someone was so brilliant to point out).

Like, there are two elephants in this room (kitchen, always the kitchen). One ever since the sniper attack, the other since the lightning strike. And those two continue to dance not so elegantly around it. Buck and Eddie touch on the topic, but they don't go much below the surface level. Buck asks Eddie about what it felt like. He touched on it last season, too. Eddie lets it shine through that he still knows the seconds it took to bring Buck back. But what they don't talk about in depth are:

What did it really feel like for me, to (nearly) die, and what does it do that with me now?

What did it feel like for me, watching YOU (nearly) die, and what does it do with me now?

The first, Eddie touched on in some way this season. Though it's still entirely possible he remembers more about the shooting than he let on, or it's too surface-level as he wanted to keep Buck focused on himself and give an opening. Or something entirely else.

But the latter point is what's been very much absent from their conversations with each other so far. What does it do with you, to have your best friend's blood in your mouth? What does it do with you, to see your best friend dangling in the air, unmoving, silent, actually dead? What does it do with you, to try to get your best friend to safety, but having to let others handle it, to stay behind the glass doors? What does it do to you, to have to explain to your kid/your best friend's kid that the other might die/actually died?

They don't talk about that. Maybe because it's too hurtful, maybe because it's still too scary. Because maybe, just maybe, talking about it would make it oh too real that this doesn't make them feel like best friends but something much more. It may make it too real, how terrible a world was where the other was no more. Even if it was "just" 3 minutes and 17 seconds.

Now, I've taken a sharp U turn away from Marisol as Eddie's newest love interest and the Buddie in it all, but to circle this back... if the latter point is really something they are going for with the narrative... then the theme of recurring patterns, making the same mistakes despite "knowing better" would neatly fall in place with Eddie dating Marisol, I believe.

If this season is meant to wrap up some part of Eddie's and Buck's individual paths towards self-discovery, then for Eddie, it might well be having to learn that he can't repeat things with Marisol as he did with Shannon and Ana. That choosing himself means trying himself out, finding himself worthy enough of making the effort to find out what he truly wants in a partner.

And as for Buck, him potentially having to gear up and face his trauma to save his friends (I swear to God, red string of life coming back with Hen and Chim maybe, with Buck on the other end of that rope, will kill me so, so dead!)... that will be some kind of catalyst for him. And depending on where they want to place Natalia by the end of the season, say, her continuing to be drawn to Buck's relationship with death and maybe continuing to be fascinated by it after Buck went through that... there's many more possibilities I'll spare myself here. The point being: Buck will also find himself in some variation of what he went through before. And that should bring about some self-discoveries for him that he's been searching ever since this season began. And that might just be what they need to change and to move on, to work through their issues another time.

They need to do similar assignments before they can get the initial assignment right at long last.

Alright, that's been waaaaay too long. Here's to more shenanigan and this season finale ripping our hearts out! Woohoo!

#911 spoilers #911 season 6 #911 season 6 spoilers #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #in which I ramble #and don't make any sense #but when have I ever???

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clownstolemyjokesarchived · 2 years

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Okay so before I begin I should say that with these muses I write, I guess I have a tendency to pour a little bit of myself in each of them subconsciously especially if I happen to find aspects of them that I find within myself or had at one point in time (yeah we’re not touching Blitzo yet because he too falls under this category), so it’s safe to say that the more I’ve written Fizzarolli and the more I explored his dynamics, his thoughts, his personality and such-- The more and more I found pieces of myself in him and the more I began to integrate parts of me into him without meaning to which I suppose is both a bad thing but also good because it means when it comes to writing, he’s fairly easy for me to write for since a lot of his thoughts and emotions will maybe line up with my own (more or less anyways not all of them).

Either way, that being said... As I’ve continued to write him, I began to notice he started to exhibit some certain characteristics that were fairly similar to my own which made me wonder... Given his background, his past, his trauma and all that happened to him-- Does he have what I have too?

Now before anyone jumps at me, I’m only going based of my own observations having growing up, what I’ve been told by numerous doctors and therapists, my own diagnosis and so on and by no means am I saying he might actually have this or am I saying that what he has is a major defining point. I’m just saying it because it’ll explain why he is the way he is, why I write him the way he is and perhaps give a little (and maybe personal) insight to both him and myself.

I have Schizophrenia. This isn’t something I like to talk about a lot considering that in the past I’ve faced horrible stigma for it (people use to tell me very fucked up things and it made me very nervous and actually scared to talk about this since I didn’t want people to view me differently or see me as some sort of freak even though I’m not). There’s a lot of misconceptions when it comes to this disorder and more often than not, people automatically assume that people with this disorder are overly violently and crazy which isn’t always true. I’m the furthest from either of these things, but then again... I have been properly diagnosed and I’m taking proper medications for it as well as therapy. I can’t say for certain is this isn’t the case if left untreated since there have been cases where people have had this and gone off to do heinous acts. Regardless, not everyone is like that. Not everyone exhibits the same symptoms as well. Where one person can experiences delusions and hearing voices, another probably doesn’t.

I believe my Fizzarolli may have it as well considering as I’ve written him, he’s exhibited some traits that I’ve more or less have done both before I’ve been diagnosed and after. As for why I think this well here’s a few reasons:

Hallucinations. These usually involve seeing or hearing things that don't exist. Hallucinations can be in any of the senses, but hearing voices is the most common hallucination. It’s been faint but I have written before my Fizzarolli being plagued by nightmares and seeing shadows out of the corner of his eyes sometimes. He does in fact hear things but doesn’t give it too much attention, usually blaming it on the club + other things. It’s mostly when he’s alone or with Ozzie that if these happen, he grows a little more anxious considering that well... He’s the only one around minus Ozzie.

Extremely disorganized or abnormal motor behavior. This may show in a number of ways, from childlike silliness to unpredictable agitation. Behavior isn't focused on a goal, so it's hard to do tasks. Behavior can include resistance to instructions, inappropriate or bizarre posture, a complete lack of response, or useless and excessive movement. Now this one might be a little more tricky to pick since well he has cybernetic limbs, but even with that he does have trouble controlling them properly if he can’t focus and for these reasons. And also yes, he is very prone is getting aggressive rather easily to the point he takes his frustrations on his surroundings and leaves them a complete mess. Rarely will he take it out on someone else unless he feels they’ve deserved it like it’s someone that’s groping him or someone bothering someone he cares for. Things like that. Then, he’s back to his usual bouncy self like nothing happened. He has exhibited these other signs like resistance to instruction (both because he is a brat and because he just straight up didn’t feel like listening) and a complete lack of response.

Some other factors he exhibits:

Behavioral: social isolation (sometimes but rarely), disorganized behavior, aggression, agitation, compulsive behavior, excitability, hostility, repetitive movements, self-harm, or lack of restraint.

Cognitive: thought disorder, delusion, disorientation, mental confusion, slowness in activity.

Mood: anger, anxiety, apathy, feeling detached from self, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, elevated mood, or inappropriate emotional response.

Psychological: hallucination, paranoia, hearing voices, depression, fear.

Speech: circumstantial speech and rapid and frenzied speaking.

Again I’m just compiling things that makes me believe Fizzarolli has Schizophrenia and as I’ve said, it differs from person to person. I’ve mostly written down what he’s exhibited so far since writing him and what’s lead me to believe he might have it. Regardless of all this, this doesn’t really change anything per say since I’m going to keep writing him as I do but I thought I might give an insight as to how he acts and why he acts like he does? If that makes sense. He’s still himself but this gives an explanation more or less of how he thinks, why he thinks the way he does and perhaps better explain why he acts the way he does in certain circumstances. I probably wouldn’t have like said any of this if I didn’t have it myself and noticed the subtle ways he was thinking and acting and again, I feel a little bad having done that since that wasn’t my intention really but at the same-- It makes sense. This isn’t always passed by genetics you know. It can but not always. It can be caused by environment and altered brain chemistry and structure based on said environment which given all that he’s been through... Again, makes sense (to me).

I’m not saying this is the case or a major defining personality trait of his by any means. Please, just take this as insight in how he (and I in a lesser form) function and think and just... I don’t know, don’t hate it? But come to understand and accept it. I’m done rambling now. I’ve made myself nervous enough thank you.

#﹙ OOC ﹚ Oᴘᴏ sᴘᴇᴀᴋs #﹙ Hᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴ ﹚ Hᴇʏ ᴘᴜᴛ ᴏɴ ᴀ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ ғᴀᴄᴇ #I'll come back and edit this later ;w;#I lowkey accidently made myself sick with nerves akega sorry

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despair-to-future-arcs · 10 months

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Show her who’s the real boss!

...

So class, here we have an example of someone that really shouldn't be at Hope's Peak or be some symbol of hope with no future and is causing issues for everyone else...

First she was helping Sonia Nevermind who was working on being a princess, then she got dear little Hiyoko Saionji drop out and now she's causing all the teachers to be interrogated thus she is halting the development of talent...

...

Like it's almost as if she doesn't want any of you to success or wants to shut down this school all because she couldn't just focus on her talent and ignore what is going on as anyone who's the Ultimate Gamer; she has this chance to be in the Reserve Course and look what has happen...

...

You see, Nagi Nanami - the only reason you are here is to work on your talent, you are at this school that will gain success for life and what are you doing? Working on something as useless as therapy of all things.

You may think that therapy could be helpful but why would anyone need it? Your nothing but someone that wants to be special or whatever - so why not just play video games or do something else that doesn't involve you getting others hurt, hm?

...'Just play video games'? Is that is what your telling me...?

Why yes, that is what I'm telling you - it should be obvious that is what you should do so just go back to your seat and start to behave yourself, alr-?

Hahahaaa, are... are you kidding me?! Your telling me to focus on my talent in video games! That's a first!

...What's so funny?

Oh, y'know... I usually remember teachers telling me to stop playing them but this is the first time I had a teacher encourage me to do this!

So... you want me to focus on me playing video games, hm? Okay then let's bring up a few things by your wording; If I didn't help Sonia then y'know someone else was going to or she would of died from being overworked which you have to remember that she's a princess, she's from a different country which wouldn't look good for Japan in Novoselic's eyes.

Well yes, I remember that but what does that-.

Hm? Still don't get it, then let me continue with that train of thought...

So what about that parent-teacher conference with my parents and me, hm? I remember that there was a bee in your tea and if I didn't notice you would of gotten stung which if I remember right, your allergic to bees, aren't you? If I just play video games - I would of let you get stung and you still would of blame me!

As with Hiyoko... well, given it was a different teacher; she was going to get in trouble at some point and I remember her grandmother was pretty pissed off learning you didn't call her; maybe I am correct to assume that you get turn on by tormenting your students like this...?

...Shut up, one more word out of you and-!

Wait you still don't get it, then I guess I'll reveal the final thing; if I just focus on video games then I guess I would ignore what happen to the student council president who was injured and...

... (wait, is she going to reveal what happen...?)

QUIET. DON'T. SAY. ANYTHING!

Discover that 13 students died on school grounds which they were force to kill each other because their families and love ones were held hostage or worse and the school was planning to cover it up and would force me along with another student to write an NDA but thanks to the investigation with the staff, I haven't written it yet.

Wait... did... did that happen?!

Wait, is... is that true?! Is that what you were going to telling us...?!

*everyone started to murmur in class as the teacher was glaring daggers at Nagi...*

Hm? Oh right, I forgot you guys were there but yeah I was...

But hey, since I didn't sign that NDA or whatever; so yeah... I guess I let that slip, sorry teach!

#dr #danganronpa #dtfa #despair to future arc #ds:rw #despair side: re write #sdr2 #super danganronpa 2 #nagi nanami #sonia nevermind #mahiru koizumi #nagito komaeda #teruteru hanamura #anonymous #ds ep 3

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emilyrox · 2 years

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“Frankenstein” by Mary Shelley Liveblog (Chapters 17-24 + Preface and Epilogue)

Part three bbyyyyyy

Idk if I need to warn about this but, spoilers for Frankenstein I guess?

Enjoy.

- Ok so I get why Victor refuses to make another one. He still feels hatred for the monster killing his brother. However, after that whole story, you would think he would have more sympathy towards him, his own creation.

- “did I not as his maker owe him all the portion of happiness that it was in my power to bestow?” Change of heart, let’s goooooo

- Time to make Frankenstein’s Monster 2: Female Boogaloo

- “‘I confess, my son, that I have always looked forward to your marriage with our dear Elizabeth as the tie of our domestic comfort’“ Victor’s Dad

- uhmmmmm........

- nooooooOOOOOOO

- They are (adoptive) siblings! You can’t do that!

- So Victor is down to marry her. I’m sad now.

- Would be better if Victor and Clerval were gay for each other

- “Clerval! beloved friend! even now it delights me to record your words, and to dwell on the praise of which you are so eminently deserving. He was a being formed in the ‘very poetry of nature.’ His wild enthusiastic imagination was chastened by the sensibility of his heart. His soul overflowed with ardent affections, and his friendship was of that devoted and wondrous nature that the worldly-minded teach us to look for only in imagination.”

- Tell me that isn’t even a little bit gay.

- Is he now hinting that Clerval dies later?????

- “although I abhorred society”

- Introverts be like

- A part of me wants him to just tell Clerval what he did so he doesn’t keep bottling it up and angsting all the time, but it’s unknown how Clerval would react. Which is probably why Victor is bottling it up.

- “’hasten then, my dear friend, to return, that I may again feel myself somewhere at home, which I cannot do in your absence’“ - Clerval

- You cannot tell me this isn’t even the teeniest bit gay. You can’t.

- He went back on his promise to make the monster a companion. I understand his reasonings, I do. It could potentially be worse than before. But it could also be better than before.

- Uh oh. There’s a break-in happening.

- “‘You are my creator, but I am your master; -obey!’“ - The Monster

- The monster’s gonna go after Elizabeth, Victor’s sister and (unfortunately) his soon-to-be-wife. The monster can’t have a companion, so why should Victor, or any other man?

- Castaways......we are castaways...

- Either the Irishmen think Victor looks like the criminal that killed a man, or they somehow know that the monster is his, and he killed a man.

- Also interesting note of the Irishmen acting harshly towards Victor as soon as he arrived. Kind of like a diluted parallel to how the people treated the monster.

- The man was strangled. It was 100% the monster.

- The people say they saw the culprit on a boat, the same boat Victor was on. The monster was on a similar boat earlier when going to Victor’s residence. They’re mistaking Frankenstein for his monster. Just like how everyone mistakes them for each other in real life. Wow.

- Out of everyone why did Clerval have to die?????

- This old woman really just roasted Victor

- Dude was in prison for three months for a murder he didn’t cause. He’s free now but still.

- “the dark orbs” so THIS is where Wattpad users got their favorite word from!

- 99% certain Victor has had PTSD since he first created the monster, and it has only gotten worse since then. He needs therapy, or at least talk about it with someone.

- “I abhorred the face of man. Oh, not abhorred! they were my brethren, my fellow-beings, and I felt attracted even to the most repulsive among them as to creatures of an angelic nature and celestial mechanism.” Yet you were horrified of your own creation because of how repulsive he looked, and you had modeled him off of man. Sure. Ok.

- So Elizabeth is also down to marry him. I’m still sad.

- Little confused atm. The monster says he’ll be there on the day of Victor’s wedding with Elizabeth. I think Victor believes that the monster will go after him specifically.Or is it that he thinks the monster will come after all of them? Either way, I think he’s going to target Elizabeth specifically.

- Hinting that someone other than him will die. 100% Elizabeth. Calling it now. Place your bets here, folks!

- Victor’s angst is contagious! Elizabeth is also depressed now!

- (Ok really she’s just worried about what he has to tell her the day after their wedding, which is that he made the monster that killed their brother, but still.)

- Elizabeth died. Called it! It sucks that she died though. She was the sweetest character!

- His dad literally died from grief over the loss of Elizabeth. Idk if dying of a broken heart is real, but if it is, that’s terrifying.

- He FINALLY told someone (the magistrate)! And they (mostly) believe him!

- Ok so maybe they don’t believe him

- The chase is on, boys

- I feel like the monster is sending him on a wild goose chase at this point

- He was so close, and yet so far.

- Ok maybe I should have read the preface. This is a frame narrative apparently. Imma read the preface real quick, then get back to the epilogue.

Preface

- So there’s this dude named Walton, and he’s going on an adventure

- Walton might be gay

- “I desire the company of a man who could sympathise with me, whose eyes would reply to mine. You may deem me romantic, my dear sister, but I bitterly feel the want of a friend...I greatly need a friend who would have sense enough not to despise me as romantic, and affection enough for me to endeavour to regulate my mind.” - Walton

- Walton and his crew found a dude stranded in the ice with one sled dog left alive. Ladies and gents, that’s our boi, Victor Frankenstein!

- (In the final chapter, it ends with Victor ending his story with Walton finding him)

- The story we read Walton recorded, since Victor told him the tale

Epilogue

- Eventually, Frankenstein dies, but he did not defeat the monster. Damn.

- Walton 100% had a crush on Victor btw.

- Walton meets the monster himself!

- The monster feels regret for killing Victor’s friends/family, and consequently Victor himself.

- The monster plans on dying, I think? He believes that because of what he’s done, he cannot find sympathy or love from anyone, nor does he seek it anymore. This is sad.

Final Thoughts

- This book was nothing like what I expected

- Didn’t expect Victor to have angst 24/7

- Didn’t expect the monster to have a tragic backstory

- Didn’t expect incest

- etc

- Good novel

- 9/10

- Would liveblog again

#frankenstein #frankenstein's monster #frankenstein spoilers #i guess

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andtruelovewaitseng · 4 months

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Why am I in YWAM?!?!

How did I end up here? God moves in mysterious ways I guess, that was something I used to say all the time not in a mocking way but to explain the unexplainable until I lived the unexplainable.

After I finished sociology there were too many doubts inside me, because even though going around the world helping others and sharing God's love with them has always been all I want to do, the world puts you in this stage following thinking that made me think that it would come at some point but first I should work until I accumulate 10, 15 million and then buy an apartment, for some reason.

When I looked at my day-to-day life a steady job and missions some weekends and time off seemed like enough for a comfortable life, but yet everything was heavy, and I felt trapped. My life should be more than accumulating money and paying for things, I don't exist for this. Eventually, everything I have bought or owned I will throw away. No matter how hard I work I won't have the time or money to pay for the therapies that the Colombian autism league and Colsanitas offer me haha. An unattainable constant.

However, resting in God, this reality had to have some sense. But one day I was asked to approach the missionaries who came from Kona and show them how we worked with the children and translate and I met 2 people who turned everything inside my heart around. That day 2 people from two completely different countries that were now living on an island in the Pacific came to a whole new continent, to my country Colombia, punctually in Cota, the small town that is 15 minutes from my house. That day we then talked and shared emotions that I was also feeling, they told me about this beautiful place where they healed many wounds, and memories, grew stronger and their lives completely changed. And I think to myself is there be something else?

In my mind, it is unreal that a person who earns 2M COP per month although that is already an unreal salary to have in Colombia, can leave the country for so long and pay to study AGAIN. So that day I laugh, I am grateful, and I go on with my day and take this new friendship as a gift and a hope that God in his plan does something in all of us that disappears that uncertainty at some point. However, when I got home my mom started talking to me about how it would be very logical that after studying what I studied, after the mission trips I had been doing since I was 18 and the volunteer work I had done since I was 14 and after basically the fact that my great sense of life for studying and employment is missions, why not go to YWAM/YWAM? Why not do a training in missions? Even more so when I can have an emphasis and continue to study more and learn for community development. Honestly, it made all the sense in the world.

But it would mean having to face the reality that the comfort of a job and missions some days, my friendships, my daily life, skating, loving, everything had to stop, at least for a moment, which I have no idea how long it will last.

However I gave it to God, we prayed from May to September, we applied, we cried, we prayed again, God brought back Josh (another missionary serving full time here in Kona) and it is the last sign I need. After my application, they give me a discount of 700 USD. Then they accepted my visa, gave me permission to study without changing it, and gave me an immediate payment agreement with a PDF telling me that they expect me in January.

Nothing seems to make much sense but at the time it makes all the sense at once, literally Gabriella Antonia, you have studied and done missions and volunteered since you were 15 years old, how did you think you were going to live. So I sell my desk, disassemble my bed, sell my clothes, my books and give away most of what I have, pack what is left in two small mint-colored suitcases and with all my savings from work that I can accumulate, savings from my mom and support from my family we pay for almost my entire lecture phase, money that I never in 20 thousand years thought I could ever have in front of my eyes… and I find myself now. Training to serve full time, and studying in a research center (a farm haha) how to clean water, take care of animals, plant vegetables, and basically anything that has to do with generating food. And even though this doesn't define what will happen next I know I will go back home. It fills my heart to understand that I gained what I gained from now on if I can contribute to someone's life not only with food but with knowing JESUS. Never again will my life lack purpose :)

For this I exist and nothing else. I am not the point. I'm just helping him haha

#Spotify

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dipstar1489 · 6 months

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Star Wars Clone Wars ending and pilot Rebels Thoughts

TW: SPOILERS to both series, and slight mentions to Ahsoka and the last movie sega. Also, I finished Clone Wars the series yesterday and watched only the first two episodes of Rebels, so please don’t let my post discourage you to watch either show. BTW, please contact me through the comments on this post if there are any trigger warnings I should ask, because the only ones I could think of is beheading.

Clone Wars How exactly does the 66 chip work? Like we know it’s meant to force the troopers to kill Jedi, yet Ahsoka left the Order at the end of season 5, so are troopers post 66 able to identify a Jedi by memory and the chip focuses on the memories involving the force, or is there a subconscious brain waves happening when the chip activates. Also slightly fucked up idea, does Boba Fett have the chip too? And five bucks says he is going to need ten years of full time therapy to get over the fact that hundreds of thousands of clones of he and his father destroyed planets and are universally hated by EVERYONE. And what about the Bad Batch?

Another question, in the last three Star Wars movies, we are introduced to Finn, a Black trooper, even though all the original troopers and Jango Fett have a tanish skin, so why the physical shift in appearance for the troopers? Is Finn in a similar case as the Bad Batch where his skin tone was genetically modified for some reason? Did Finn get kidnapped as a child, and if so, did he get a similar chip as Order 66? Did Kylo get a new clone donor? Is it because Finn’s actor was actually good at his job? I hate the first two ideas, but I need to figure out the origins of the troopers Kylo Ren has under his watch, especially since the troopers in Clone Wars are, you guess it, clones, where the only physical differences between them if out of their suits are tattoos and hair dye+hair styles.

Rex, you are forever best boy, like he could have pretended to still have the chip activated and kill Ahsoka to save his ass, yet he chose to fight his brothers and protect his allies, risking his life for his friend. Also didn’t realize why people loved Ahsoka and Rex’s dynamic until now. Top tier dynamic!

OH MY GOD! Maul, I get you’re a badass, but you didn’t need to BEHEAD the troopers, even if they’re under order 66’s control!

I’m the kind of bitch who watches shows out of order, but I can’t tell if my thoughts are better or worse than the original, for I remember seeing helmets attached to sticks in Boba Fett and I originally thought it was meant to intimate troopers similar to how prisoners during 1300s London were beheaded and had their heads on a stick, but it’s actually serves as a headstone with a body underneath.

Just the way the scenes were positioned, it’s just incredible! Like the glass shattering between Maul and Ahsoka, Rex’s hand shaking and dropping his helmet, and Darth Vader’s reflection in a trooper’s helmet which was painted with Ahsoka’s face, it’s simply genius!

Also, anyone else find it interesting that the troopers were securing Mandalor? Cause the troopers’s clone daddy (I have no idea how to refer him) Jango Fett is Mandalorian, so technically Mandalor is defeated by their own people.

Rebels

Ezra, what character arc did you go through, cause I could forgive you for stealing fruit, but why harass the people who saved your life?! Also, I’m assuming you’re a older teenager, but stop changing your mind seconds later! Oh, and we got a bingo on the traumatic backstory!

Zeb, so far my fav, but we got some issues. I get your pissed with Ezra trying to steal your shit and having a moral compass, but where did the shift in pure glee to get rid of Ezra go when you left him behind, cause that’s indicating something deeper. Also, THANK YOU for shutting down Ezra x Sabine!

Kanan, cool guy, but he feels like someone who needs a life saving cup of coffee with two shots in his cup desperately! Also, COMPLETE BADASS when he revealed he’s a Jedi!

Sabine, how the fuck did you create that explosive powder without a fuse?! Also, please don’t be Ezra’s love interest, since I’m the type of bitch who watches series out of order and know you two said they had a sibling relationship! Also, realized you were living at Ezra’s place in Ahsoka.

Hera, you cool, but when did you get Ezra’s name? Also, maybe a little more info please???

The first two episodes are alright, though I feel like the show was finding its footing, for the dynamics between the characters lacks the build up.

#dipstar1489 #Star Wars #Clone Wars #star wars rebels #Rebels #Star Wars Clone Wars #swtcw #str #tw spoilers #Tw beheading #Tw death #Analysis #Why do I feel like I’m opening Pandora’s box when talking about Finn?

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nanalikessurveys · 2 years

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What were you doing before you started taking this survey? I took another one. Do you live somewhere where it’s completely safe to walk alone at night? I wouldn’t say it’s completely safe anywhere in the world since there’s always a possibility of something bad happening you know. But generally speaking yes, it’s safe. Have you ever lived with someone who was a total slob? Noo. Would you rather be able to talk to animals or be fluent in every language? This is always a tough one, but maybe I’d rather talk to animals. Does your kitchen have a pantry? No.

Do you live below your means? Or do you spend every penny you have? I don’t have any major financial problems but sometimes for some reason I act like I have all the money in the world and spend way too much. What are some foods you enjoy cooking? I enjoy cooking oven baked-foods the most since I don’t like messing around with the stove that much.

Have you ever watched Battlestar Galactica? No. Can others often tell what you’re feeling by your facial expressions? I guess so, but I wouldn’t call myself super expressive though. Have you ever interviewed a job applicant at your workplace? No. Did you ever skip class when you were in school? If so, was there a particular class that you skipped the most? In middle school and the first year of high school yes. I was battling with anxiety and that restricted my life a lot. I couldn’t go to school at all in 9th grade so I had to be homeschooled for that year. Are you happy with the life you’re living? Not fully but I’ve been a lot worse. I wish I could go back like 2 years and tell myself that things do work out in the end. ^If no, why not? Are you taking any steps to improve things and be happier? I’m not fully happy because I still battle with my mental health which restricts my life in some ways. I can’t have a job right now and I have to study online from home. I’ve attented therapy for the past 7(?) years and it’s been a really long process but I’m slowly starting to get better. Have you ever gone over 3 months without shaving/waxing your legs? Yes, I’m naturally blonde so most of my body hair is really light and fine as well. No one can really see my leg hair unless they come really close to my legs lol. Are you high-maintenance? Nope. What was the last non-fiction book you read? It was a book about individual freedom by a finnish philosopher, Ruurik Holm. I read it because of my studies. Would you ever consider being a foster parent? I have thought of that but I’m not sure. Are you able to crack any of your joints? My fingers, toes, neck and spine. What’s your favorite movie genre? Thrillers, drama, horror and historical movies are probably my favorites. I also love movies that are based on true stories regardless of the genre. What’s something that’s been on your mind a lot lately? School, mostly. What was the last thing someone asked you for advice on? My friend asked for my opinion on which nail polish she should wear for her sister’s wedding lol. Have you ever kissed 3 or more people in the same day? No. What’s your opinion on lottery tickets? Waste of money, or no? They suck assss. They’re a waste of money for sure, you very rarely win anything, and if you do, you get addicted to buying more of them in hopes of winning more and then losing all the money again. Speaking from my own personal experience. What are some things that make others cry, that don’t make you cry at all? Uhh, I don’t cry because of movies? Do you have any upcoming plans with friends? We’re probably seeing each other in a few weeks but nothing has been confirmed yet. What was the last picture message you received, and from whom? From my friend, she sent me a picture of her at her sister’s wedding. Have you ever swam in a saltwater pool? I’ve been in a saltwater pool but I didn’t swim in it. What color suits you more: teal or black? Probably black. I don't even own any teal clothes. What continent do you live on? Europe.

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hood-ex · 3 years

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This is a fic written for @stxleslyds! The prompt was: a fic with Dick, Roy and Lian spending time together in the Outsiders era. Thanks for the donation, Tati 💙.

Important: This fic takes place a week after the events of Outsiders (2003) #19.

“We could use you here,” Roy says. Even with his voice coming directly through the comm, Dick almost doesn’t hear him say, “I need you here.”

A soft wind blows through Blüdhaven, ruffling through Dick’s sweat-matted hair. What a filthy night it is for a Friday. Thunder rumbling in the distance with hot, humid air filling Dick’s lungs. It’s the kind of air that isn’t natural for a place like the ‘Haven. It’s here for whatever reason, and it’s no better now that the sun has been replaced by pink and purple neon lights flashing across the strip. It’s nights like these that Dick can admit to missing his red tunic and green shorts. It was shit to wear them in the winter but an absolute godsend in the summer.

Dick sighs deeply, moving away from the ledge of the building and away from his view of the herds of drunk people whose laughter echoes between the bars and casinos. There’s a tall HVAC unit in the middle of the building that he walks over to and sits against. The fabric of his suit rubs against it, and he squirms a little at the uncomfortable position. He bears it because this is a conversation that requires a little support.

“Dick.”

“I know,” Dick mutters.

He should be under the streets of Brooklyn the same as all the other Outsiders should be. Considering the circumstances, it’s no surprise that some of them have deserted the ship for the time being. Licking their wounds in private so to speak. Dick’s not proud of it. He tacks it onto his mental bulletin board of shame where it sits up there all torn and ugly like the rest of his deplorable moments.

“I’d feel better if you were here to watch Lian when I step out of the room,” Roy says in Japanese. Dick’s brow furrows. Either Lian is in the same room as Roy and he doesn’t want her to know they’re talking about her or there’s an Outsider nearby that he doesn’t want listening in on his personal issues. “She hasn’t started therapy yet and her separation anxiety is still high.”

“High for both of you,” Dick points out. He thinks back to a few days ago when Roy had called him in a panic because he’d left all of his groceries in the middle of the store after his paranoia got the best of him and had him running back to the base to check on Lian.

“Tell me about it,” Roy laughs dryly. “I feel like I’m going fuckin’ nuts, dude.” The strain in his voice sends a full body shiver down Dick’s spine. “All I can think about is whether she’s okay and if the base is protected enough, and if I can really trust everyone here. You and Kory are the only ones I feel okay leaving her with.”

You shouldn’t trust me like that, Dick thinks bitterly. Lilith and Donna trusted me with their lives and look where they are now.

“Everyone else is… I trust them as teammates. I trust them with my life. But I can’t—"

“Trust them with Lian’s,” Dick says, knowing how much this whole situation has fucked with Roy's ability to trust anyone and everyone. Except him and Kory, apparently. Probably Ollie and the rest of Roy's family too.

He thunks his head against the HVAC unit and stares up at the dark sky. Not a single star up there, he thinks, and something like guilt burns in his chest. You took them all with you, didn’t you, Donna? Put them in your pockets and faded away. “She might not be comfortable with me there,” he says after a moment.

It pains him to think that Lian could be scared of him. Scared of him because he looks similar to one of the blue-eyed, dark-haired kidnappers who murdered her babysitter and then branded her like cattle. That type of trauma association doesn’t go away after a week.

“Kory told Lian you might stop by, and you know what Lian asked her?”

Terrible things flash through Dick’s head. Things like words born of fear or disgust. He hugs his arms around his knees and squeezes them tight.

“No, what did she say?”

“She asked, ‘Is Uncle Nightwing gonna bring Blue’s Clues with him?’”

A smile tugs at the corner of Dick’s lips and his eyes start to sting. He can’t believe that’s the first thing she thought of. It only seems like yesterday that he was watching Blue’s Clues with her in Titans Tower. Sometimes he would pause the show and ask Lian questions about each of the clues just to hear what kind of outlandish answers her kid brain could come up with. Other times the detective in him couldn’t help but steer her towards a logical answer. Roy used to always roll his eyes and tell him to stop trying to turn her into a mini Nightwing.

“That doesn’t mean she’ll be okay seeing me in person and you know it,” Dick reminds him.

Roy’s sigh is soft and muffled in his ear. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

Dick’s not one to wait around.

“Let’s cross it now.”

“You’re coming over?” Roy asks, and even though he mostly sounds neutral, Dick can hear the disbelief hidden under it all.

If there was an award for the world's most shitty friend, Dick would probably be in the lead to receive it. Here Roy is dealing with the fact that his daughter was abducted and almost trafficked, and what’s Dick been doing for the last few days instead of sticking by his side? Working himself to the bone in Blüdhaven, that’s what. Hiding away from the fact that he almost lost another important person to him. Trying to avoid the crushing weight of failure that clings to him like a second skin.

Pathetic. Some safety net he is.

“Yeah, give me an hour,” Dick says.

The commute from Blüdhaven to Brooklyn isn’t bad at this time of night. Most of the traffic is packed downtown where all the bars are lined up. Dick takes the highway to avoid the worst of it.

The roar of the city dies off once he goes underground. Down here the HQ looms over him in all its steel glory. Dick’s always thought of it like one giant elevator. It’s all hard angles and sleek, silver walls. Hardly a place one would describe as homey, but it was home to a few people nevertheless.

Dick goes inside after getting his eye and hand scanned by the computer. He heads down the hallway, keeping his footsteps light and quiet out of habit. So far there’s no sign of Jade, Indigo, or Rex in any of the rooms he passes. They’re the most likely to be here around this time. From what Kory told him the other day, Grace has been spending most of her time clubbing, and Anissa has been staying with her dad. He hates to admit it but it’s almost a relief that he doesn’t have to worry about running into either of them.

He ends up finding Roy and Lian in the rec room. Lian is sitting on the leather couch in the middle of the room. She must have had a shower not too long ago because her hair is a little damp and she’s wearing a pair of purple pajamas with unicorns on them. A Cinderella blanket is strewn across her lap and a stuffed rabbit sits discarded on the floor by her feet.

Roy looks small squatting in front of her. His pants are the only sign of his Arsenal gear, and it makes Dick feel slightly out of place since he’s still decked out in full mask and suit. It’s the first time Dick’s seen Roy in person since they brought down Tanner’s operations a week ago. He looks how Dick would expect any parent to look after being targeted by a major sex trafficker: stressed and exhausted.

Those tired eyes of his shift to the doorway where Dick stands, and Dick can see the way Roy looks him over from head to toe, assessing Dick’s condition. He can look as hard as he wants, but he won’t find anything. Dick keeps his face blank and unreadable.

“It still hurts,” Lian whimpers, and both Dick and Roy's attention immediately snaps back to her.

She wraps her arms around her stomach and bends over her lap like she’s going to throw up all over the floor. Roy doesn’t move to try and avoid any possible bouts of vomit. Nothing happens as the seconds tick by. No retching or anything. There’s only the sound of Roy’s hand rubbing up and down Lian’s arm.

“Me and your Uncle Nightwing are gonna get you feeling better soon,” Roy assures her in a gentle voice. “And guess what?”

Lian makes a questioning sound in the back of her throat.

The look Roy shoots Dick is somewhere between caution and amusement. “He’s been playing quiet mouse behind you this whole time.”

Dick braces himself as Lian shoots back up like a rocket. “He’s behind me?” she asks, twisting around in her seat. Dick’s heart starts jackrabbiting because what if she’s scared of him? What if he accidentally triggers her PTSD? What if— “Uncle Nightwing!” Lian shrieks.

Relief shudders through him because she sounds happy to see him. Not scared or angry or disgusted like he feared. She’s looking at him like he just told her he brought her a bag of candy, and that revelation is enough to make him take a breath and finally enter the room.

“Hey, kiddo,” Dick says, hurrying over to the couch so that she doesn’t have to get up. “I missed you.”

Lian reaches for his hand and holds on to it. It’s not like the hug Dick usually gets from her and maybe that’s because she doesn’t want anyone touching her back after the incident. Dick will take anything he can get. His much larger hand closes over her own and he swings them back and forth lightly.

“Me too,” Lian says. She squeezes his hand three times. “Why do you still have your gloves on?”

“My hands are cold,” Dick lies. “Why were you bent over like an accordion just a minute ago?”

“Her tummy’s been hurting,” Roy says with a frown.

“It’s because tigers used to try and eat people,” Lian tells him matter-of-factly. Roy looks like he’s about to correct her but she quickly hurries on. “My brain says there’s danger and it makes my tummy stop working.”

A lightbulb goes off in Dick’s head as he realizes that she’s describing anxiety. A simplified explanation of how the digestive system shuts down and sends blood to other parts of the body when there’s danger.

“My tummy does that too,” Dick says after a pause. “I get a lot of anxiety sometimes. Do you want me to show you how I try to make it go away?”

Lian scrunches her nose. “Do we have to take medicine?”

“Nope. All we need to do is sit up straight and breathe. Breathing really deep helps our brains calm down and makes our tummies feel more relaxed,” Dick explains. He sinks down on the plush couch and demonstrates how she should be sitting. “Now move back until you’re sitting like me.”

Lian does as she’s told and scoots back until she’s resting against the back of the couch. Dick only remembers how short she is when he notices how her feet stick out straight in front of her instead of dangling over the edge of the couch.

“Now tell your daddy to get in position.”

“Daddy,” Lian slaps the free cushion beside her, “sit next to me.”

“Magic word?” Roy prompts.

“Please,” Lian pouts.

“That’s better.” Roy’s knees pop when he shifts out of his crouched position. The whole couch rocks when he falls back against it. “What’s the strat here, Wing? We need to close our eyes or what?”

Dick wants to ask him why he’s acting like he’s never done this before but the playful words stick in his mouth like glue.

“We’ll close our eyes in a second. Lian, I want you to watch how your daddy and I take really deep breaths, okay? Then we’re all going to do it together.”

“I can take really big breaths!” Lian insists. She scrambles out of her pose and gets on her knees. Her little fingers wrap around Dick’s bicep as she leans in close to him. “I can take one million breaths as big as an elephant!”

The tired and apathetic part of him tells him to ignore her kid logic and to get back on track. The uncle part of him is another story. It wants him to be fun and helpful. To distract Lian from the worries and fears she has.

In the end, he does what he always does best: puts on a performance.

“Oh yeah?” Dick challenges with a grin that hopefully doesn’t look as strained as it feels. “I can take five billion breaths as big as a planet.”

“Elephants are bigger than planets,” she says.

“I think maybe the elephants are only bigger in your dreams.”

“Yeah, they are,” Lian agrees because she’s a typical kid who will support anything that proves she’s right in some capacity.

Roy looks amused when he puts his hands on Lian’s shoulders and steers her to sit back on her bottom. “Alright little missy, no more talking. We’re gonna do what Uncle Nightwing says now, okay?”

“Okay,” Lian agrees, looking over at Dick expectantly.

Coaching Lian through the exercise is easy. The most important part is making sure she’s taking breaths that are deep enough to make her stomach expand like a balloon. Dick has her place her hands on top of her stomach so he can see them rise when she inhales.

Roy follows along and Dick can tell that he’s taking advantage of the exercises for his own benefit. His face looks peaceful and relaxed as he follows along with Dick’s instructions to suck in a breath on the count of one and exhale up until the count of ten.

“Keep focusing on counting,” Dick tells them while they exhale. “We don’t want any other thoughts in our heads. No bad thoughts or funny thoughts. Only think about counting to ten.”

They run through a few more cycles. Dick’s pleased when he hears both Lian and Roy’s stomachs grumbling as they exhale. It’s a good sign that the deep breaths are massaging their organs and decreasing any kind of stomach pain.

“That’s it,” Dick says. “We’re all done.” He opens his eyes and sees Lian slumped against the back of the couch. Her hands are still resting on her stomach, but she looks languid instead of tense like she was when he first saw her.

“I’m tired now,” Roy says. His movements are slow as molasses when he slides forward to the edge of the couch and bends over to rest his arms on his thighs. He looks at Lian. “How about you, princess? You feeling any better?”

“Mhmm. My tummy doesn’t feel really uh…”

“Tight?” Dick offers.

“Yeah, it’s not so tight anymore.”

Roy pushes a strand of hair behind her ear. “Good. Mine feels a little better too.”

“Can we do Uncle Nightwing’s breathing thing again tomorrow?” she asks through a yawn.

“Sure thing,” Roy nods. His attention shifts to Dick. “Are you gonna still be here to lead us through it?”

This isn’t some kind of test but it feels like one. It feels like if he says no then he’s only proving that he’s a bad friend. That he can’t be relied on. He doesn’t want to give Roy that impression because it’s not true. Roy can rely on him the same way Dick relies on Roy. He hopes showing up here tonight is proof of that.

“That’s the plan,” he says, voice soft.

Roy leans over the couch and squeezes Dick’s knee gently. “You sure?” he asks, and his eyes roam over Dick’s face like he’s trying to find evidence that Dick is lying.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” He pats Roy’s hand reassuringly in the same way Alfred's done for him and Bruce a hundred times. It's only now that he realizes it's a habit he's picked up.

Lian suddenly leans into Dick’s side and presses her weight against his arm. She pats both his and Roy’s hands.

“I’m sure too,” she says, and this time Dick can’t help but smile.

#Dick Grayson #Roy Harper #Lian Harper #tw: mentions of sex trafficking #tw: mentions of past kidnapping and child abuse #my fic #fic commission

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dubersbutt · 3 years

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Take a Bow (4) - Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,

Warnings: Babies, anxiety/feelings of heightened anxiety, smut

It’s not that Connor hates kids. They just make him uncomfortable.

Like when his aunt had a baby when he was 13 his mom asked if Connor wanted to hold him. Connor was fine when his mom gently placed the baby in his arms. Up until his mom told her to be super careful with his head or else he could snap his neck and kill him. Or if Connor accidently pressed his soft spot it could severely detriment his brain development. It was too much responsibility.

At least that’s what he used to think.

He fell in love with Emilia the minute you walked through the front door with her in the baby carrier. The dogs were excited by the tiny squirming arms inside the carrier, he had to hold Lenny back so he didn’t crush her.

“This is going to sound super cliche,” Connor says as he coos into the carrier where Emilia is trying to open her tiny eyes, “but she is the cutest baby I’ve ever seen.”

“She’s a lot cuter now that her head is a normal shape,” you joke, munching on a cookie Connor had set out for you.

“Can you stop making fun of our daughter’s cone head?” Leon rolls his eyes.

“You didn’t see it, it was terrifying.”

(Connor googles a picture of it later. Babies are fucking weird.)

He helps you up the stairs to the waiting cup of tea on the mug warmer in your bedroom. He lets you get settled, handing you the TV remote and giving you a kiss on the forehead before going back downstairs to meet his daughter (step-daughter? Connor didn’t really know).

“Can I hold her?” Connor asks when he finds Leon and Emilia in the living room.

“What happened to the three month rule?” He raises an amused eyebrow.

Connor had created it after the incident. He didn’t hold a baby that was younger than 3 months.

“I’m feeling brave.”

Leon scooches over so Connor has room to sit comfortably. Leon gently places Emilia in his arms, and gives Connor a pillow to prop his arm on. Emilia’s blinks at him before squirming and stretching her little arms over her head. Connor feels all warm and fuzzy in his chest.

“Hello, Emilia,” he says, with a smile on his face, “I’m your other dad.”

~~~

Connor’s not inherently a jealous person.

Or at least he thought he was. But ever since Emilia came home he’s been feeling it. He loves Emilia, don’t get him wrong. Well, actually, he should backpedal for a second.

Connor is still annoyed at Leon.

He knows he should probably bring this up (because look what happened last time) but he hasn’t because Leon was trying to make things right with you. He obviously was trying with Connor as well, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was an afterthought. Some days were better than others, but everytime Connor thought about how he woke up and couldn’t find Leon in the penthouse he felt like puking.

Emilia eases the pain. He truly does love her like his own. The only time he uses the “she’s your kid” card is when it's 2 am and he’s too tired to get up. But he rarely even does that because Connor’s always been the heaviest sleeper out of the three of you. But other than that, he volunteers for bathtime, plays with her while you’re in the shower, he doesn’t even hate changing diapers that much.The puppies love her too, they’ve transitioned from napping on the dog beds in the living room to the spot on the couch closest to the bassinet to keep an eye on them. He regularly has to stop Lenny from trying to jump in and crush Emilia.

Back to Leon (Connor tends to get side tracked when talking about Emilia). Connor’s still annoyed and he’s been working up to talking about it. But it never seems like a good time. First you were pregnant, and Connor didn’t want to upset either of you. Then it was playoffs and Connor didn’t have any time to think about anything else. Then they got swept and Connor did nothing but eat ice cream for a week like he just had his first heartbreak. And after that…well, he just hates confrontation.

He keeps telling himself that he’ll get around to it, that he just wants to gather his thoughts but he knows he’s stalling at this point. Mostly because -

“So did you do what we talked about last session?” Sophie, his therapist, asks him at the beginning of his appointment.

-his therapist calls him on his bulshit. And he realizes that’s the whole reason he pays her, but it’s still rude.

“About that…” Connor trails off.

She gives him an amused smile, “Connor, you know I don’t like telling you what to do but I strongly suggest you talk to Leon.”

“Sophie, my girlfriend gave birth, we started playoffs and got swept all in the last two weeks,” he says with an exasperated sigh, “I deserve a little time for myself. Isn’t that what you told me last week?”

“I was getting to that,” she says.

Connor almost didn’t show up to his first session. He spent the whole ride over that he his therapist would be a quiet homophobe and who’d sell his story to the presses and ruin his life.

But then he went in and saw the framed photo of Sophie and her wife and their twins. He let out a sigh of relief and felt more comfortable telling her about his life. She didn’t even really watch hockey and she told him that he thought he was a “good player” for his age. Connor always has to stop himself from laughing whenever she tries to compliment his playing style. She’s adorable.

“And what about (Y?N)? Have you thought about what you were going to say to her?”

He knows. He just doesn’t know if you’ll want the same thing.

“I have, a little bit.”

“And would you like to share what you’ve been thinking about?”

“I-uh,” he swallows, “I want another baby?”

“Is that a question?”

“I don’t think so.”

Sophie sends him home with the same homework he had last week: try to slowly figure out what he wants to say when he’s eventually ready to have a talk.

When he comes home, Leon’s standing in the kitchen by Emillia’s bottle warmer. He looks stupid hot holding a baby and Connor’s only mildly annotated about it.

“Hey,” he flashes Connor a bright smile when he notices Connor’s presence, “Can you hold her while I make her a bottle?”

“Sure,” He takes Emilia from Leon before sliding the dimmer down on the light switch. Her eyes slowly open in the dim light and her gumless smile warms Connor’s heart.

“Hello sweet girl,” he coos, watching as she somehow wiggles an arm loose from her blanket, “I love you. I hope you had a good morning.”

He doesn’t expect her to answer, obviously, but she does start to open and close her mouth, indicating she's hungry.

“Leo, you’re too slow,” he taunts playfully, watching as Leon carefully measures out the formula, “she’s starving over here.”

“I can only move so fast,” he laughs.

When Leon finally gets Emilia her bottle Connor relaxes into the dining room chair as she eats her lunch.

“How was therapy?”

Connor told you and Leon that he started going when he came home from his session. Connor didn’t divulge everything that happened in his sessions but it felt nice to have someone ask.

“It was good,” he says, leaning over and resting his head on Leon’s shoulder, “I only cried a little this time.”

Leon chuckles, “Does that mean therapy’s working?”

“Probably.”

~~~

Connor can’t help but laugh when he rewatches the interview of Leon talking about Emilia. He manages to somehow be adorable and sarcastic at the same time. You’re settled against his chest with your ipad resting on your lap and he can feel your giggles as Leon gives his short, glib answers to the journalists' annoying questions.

(Congratulations, she’s very cute.

“I know. She is my daughter after all.”

Your girlfriend’s not going to get mad about that comment?

“She’s gonna get mad if you keep asking questions about her newborn.”)

“I can’t believe you haven’t seen this yet,” Connor says as he runs his fingers through your hair.”

“Neither can I,” you giggle as Leon looks into the camera like he’s on the Office.

Leon rolls his eyes as he emerges from the bathroom, now freshly shaven.

“It’s not that funny,” he says.

“Don’t sell yourself short, Leo,” Connor says, gently hooking his fingers in Leon’s chain to pull him down for a kiss, “You’re very funny.”

“Why did you shave?” you say as Leon turns to give you a kiss, “Your beard looked so good.”

“It was also getting super scratchy,” Connor says.

Leon gets under the covers on Connor’s otherside, “Yeah Emilia’s been distracting me from the beard routine.”

You scoff, “the scratch is the best part, Con.”

“Tell that to the scratch marks on my ass,” Connor says without thinking, and then immediately blushes.

You groan, “Don’t talk about anything remotely sexy when my poor vagina is still healing from pushing out a whole watermelon.”

Leon laughs, “Don’t worry, baby, the beard will be back by the time you get your 6 week all clear.”

~~~

(5 weeks later - after your 6 week all appointment)

“Guess what bitches,” you shout as you enter the kitchen, “I can finally have sex again.”

“Mhm,” Leon hums, feigning disinterest, “And what would you like me to do about that?”

“You’re mean and not funny,” you say lightly hip-checking him, “Besides I have two boyfriends for a reason.”

“Yeah about that,” Connor stretches and yawns, “Emilia kept me up last night so I was gonna take a nap.”

You blink, “I will go to Whyte Av and find some rando to screw in a coat closet, don’t fucking test me.”

Leon grabs your hips and pulls you against his body so your back is flush against his chest before walking forward and pressing your hips into the kitchen counter.

“As if I could pass up the opportunity to fuck this sweet little pussy,” he grinds his hips, pushing your hips further into the counter.

“What have you been cleared for?”

“L-light, non-strenous sex.”

Connor laughs, “Boring, but better than nothing.”

“Davo, take her upstairs,” Leon commands so Connor scoops you up and carries you bridal style to the bedroom.

“Wait wait,” you say when they reach the top, “Where’s Emilia.”

“She’s napping in her crib,” Connor says as he drops you onto the bed, “Leo’s gonna check on her before he comes. So you can turn your brain off for a little bit.”

Connor doesn’t wait to hear your answer, just presses his lips to yours. He fels you moan against him. Connor’s hands slide under your shirt, slowly exposing skin. When he gets it over your head he trails his kisses down your body, unhooking your bra as he does. His kisses move in between your breasts to your belly.

“Beautiful,” he murmurs as he kisses your belly button, “you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

He hooks his fingers on your shorts, pulling them down your legs. He settles himself on the bed as he spreads your legs to press kisses to your inner thigh.

“Perfect,” Connor says, lightly nipping at the sensitive skin.

The tiny hitch of your breath causes all of his blood to rush straight to his dick, but he can’t bring himself to care. He takes his time, warming you up with kisses to your inner thighs, gently scraping his teeth against the skin. He kisses your pussy before running his tongue through your folds. His tongue gently caresses your clit with his tongue. Your hand comes down in his hair when he sucks your clit into his mouth. Your hips start to move against his face, grinding down to give yourself more friction.

“So impatient,” he hums, fucking one finger in you.

“It’s been six whole weeks,” you say, “I haven’t gone six weeks without sex since I was a virgin.”

Connor chuckles, “Easy baby, we’ll get there.”

~~~

Connor can’t help himself when he sees you changing Emilia’s onesie in her nursery. He walks up behind you, wraps his arms around your waist and rests his head on your shoulder.

“Good morning,” he says, planting a kiss on your cheek, “And good morning to the world’s most adorable baby.”

Emilia gurgles but doesn’t retort. Smh, someone needs to teach her how to be humble.

“Morning,” you reply, buttoning up her fresh onesie, “How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” he responds with another kiss, “Except when you kicked me in my ribs.”

“I take offense to that,” you raise an eyebrow, “I am an angel in bed. And, yes, pun intended.”

Connor snorts, “We both know that's a lie.”

Both Connor and Leon have been victims of your aggressive sleeping style. One of these days he’s gonna tie all your limbs down, and not in a sexy way. But not in a murderous way either, let’s make that clear. In a Connor-wants-one-singular-night-to-not-get-punched-in-his-sleep way.

Oh god, his brain is rambling. Oh god, he does not want to do this.

“(Y/N),” he says before he can talk himself out of it, “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.”

“About what?” you ask, holding Emilia close as you sit down in the rocking chair.

“I…” Connor has never been this sweaty in his life, “I want another baby.”

“Oh,” you say, indifferent, “Congratulations.”

His brow furrows, “what?”

“On growing a uterus,” you arch an eyebrow, “Because I sure as hell am not using mine again for like 3 years.”

Connor laughs, “I wasn’t saying right away. But, I just want to know if it’s something on the table.”

“I want another baby,” you say, “And as long as you’re willing to wait, I don’t see why it would be an issue.”

~~~

And Connor definitely feels lighter after his talk with you. And he even impresses Sophie by actually doing his homework for once:

“So did you talk to Leon yet?” She asks after he’s finished giving his rundown of his week.

“No,” he says sheepishly, “But I did talk to (Y/N) about having another baby.”

She has the professionalism to not look shocked, but Connor is getting a little better at reading her. Or at least he thinks he is. He still gets anxious whenever she writes things on her notepad, “and how did that go?”

“Honestly, it was better than I expected.”

“How so?”

He shrugs, “I guess I was just expecting the worst?”

“And why is that?”

He shrugs again, “Isn’t that something that you’re supposed to figure out when you psychoanalyze me at the beginning of every session?”

Sophie throws her head back in laughter, “You do know I can’t read your mind right.”

It sure feels like she can sometimes. Which is why he pays her but still, it’s rude. ~~~

Connor thought he was sweaty and anxious before talking to you. However, when it comes time to talk to Leon he also feels nauseous. Like, he might throw up in the kitchen sink again nauseously. But he’s been sitting on this for a few months now - but what if Leon hates him. What if he doesn't want to be with Connor anymore. What if he asks for a trade?

No, Connor’s spiraling. Leon’s a rational person; he's not gonna hate Connor for talking about his feelings, something Leon encourages because Connor tends to bottle things up until he explodes.

But what if-

No. No spiraling, yet.

“Leo,” Leon hums against Connors chest from his spot on the couch next to him, “You still awake?”

“Yeah,” he says quietly, “But I was thinking about going upstairs soon.”

Connor shuts the TV off, “Um, actually before that can we...talk?”

Leon sits up and stretches, “What about?”

Connor takes a deep breath, “I think - I think I’m mad at you?”

Leon looks a little confused, and Connor can’t say he blames him, “You think you’re mad at me?”

“I-yeah,” he takes another breath, “I know you’ve been trying really hard to reconcile with (Y/N), and that’s great, and I’m definitely not trying to say I take priority over her, but it kind of feels like you’ve put me on the backburner a bit.”

Leon nods, “How so?”

Connor shrugs, “I mean, when you came back and you apologized it was definitely pointed towards her. And it’s the little things, like you always make what (Y/N) wants for dinner and not me. It feels a little bit like there’s a hierarchy here.”

“Do you...feel this way with (Y/N) too?”

“A little bit,” he says, “But mostly with things concerning Emilia, so it’s not as big of an issue.”

Connor realized he feels a bit…scorned, for lack of a better word. Connor was with you first, and that’s not something he feels jealous about but now it’s all coming up. Connor never left you, Connor was the one who held back your hair and wiped your tears when Leon was MIA. Connor was there, Leon left.

...maybe he did need to talk to you some more.

~~~

Connor and Leon spend a long time talking on the couch before they join you in bed. Eventually, Leon puts his head in Connor’s lap as the conversation turns mundane and they just enjoy each other’s presence. It’s been a while since they’ve done that. They end the night with a little make out session that doesn’t lead anywhere more. It was nice.

The next morning Connor’s on baby duty. Not that he minds, it’s always nice to start his day with a smile from Emilia. He changes her diaper and puts a fresh sleeper on her, listening to the little baby noises she makes. When he’s finished he takes her downstairs to the kitchen where you and Leon are making breakfast.

“Good morning, babe,” Leon says when Connor turns the corner, “Do you want strawberries or blueberries on your french toast?”

Leon was making his favourite breakfast. Connor can’t stop the smile from spreading on his face.

“And how’s my favourite girl?” he asks, giving Emilia a little kiss on her forehead.

“A pooping machine,” Connor responds to her, and Emilia laughs at him.

“Did she just-?” you get from your spot on the barstool and run to Connor’s side.

“Her first laugh?” Connor says, “Yeah.”

He tickles her belly in an effort to get her to keep laughing, but she chooses that moment to be a stubborn newborn and frowns instead.

He looks at Leon, “She is absolutely your baby.”

“I smiled when I was a baby!”

“No, Leo he’s got a point,” you say in between funny faces, “your mom said she has one baby photo of you smiling because you would refuse to smile for the camera.”

“I was shy.”

“You’re a robot,” Connor says.

“Like you’re one to talk,” you scoff.

~~~

“Connor please,” you pant, “I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

Connor holds back a laugh, watching the sweat drip down your face, “I thought this is what you wanted?”

“Leo!,” you yell, catching his attention from across the room, “Tell Connor he’s being an ass.”

Leon does not hold back his laugh, “He’s got a point.”

“I can’t believe I’m getting bullied right now.”

Connor wraps his arms around you and pulls you close into his body, “It’s just some squats, baby, it’s not the end of the world.”

“It is when you keep adding weight!”

“Because you’re stronger.”

You just stare at him and, honestly, Connor feels a little scared.

“Tell you what,” he leans down so he can whisper in your ear, “If you make it through your sets, without complaining, Leo and I will take turns eating you out tears run down your pretty little face.”

“Promise?” you hold out your pinky.

Emilia’s being babysat by her grandparents so Connor feels no qualms when he links his pinky with yours, “Promise.”

“Promise what?” Leon pipes up from his place on the leg press.

“Connor offered up your body in exchange for squats,” you say, shouldering the bar once more.

“And what did Connor say I would do?”

“You’ll find out,” Connor says, waving a hand at Leon nonchalantly.

“I don’t even get to know how I’m being used as a bargaining chip?”

“Nope,” Connor says with a smile, popping the ‘p’.

~~~

Leon learns what the exact terms and conditions are of the agreement about an hour later. And, just like Connor expected, he does not complain.

He even has the audacity to wink at Connor as he’s tongue-deep in pussy. Ugh, he forgot what the butterflies in his stomach felt like when he’s not constantly annoyed with Leon. He can’t help himself, he gets up from where he was giving his jaw a break, and slides his fingers over Leon’s hole. Leon tenses up ever so slightly, he breaks the momentum he had on you, evident by how hard your ankles are digging into Leon’s shoulders.

“Don’t stop,” Connor grunts, slipping one digit past the rim, “You don’t cum until she does.”

He slides his finger all the way before uncapping the lube and lathering his fingers up and adding a second. Connor knows when he hits Leon’s prostate when He lets out a low groan into your cunt.

“Fuuuuuuck,” you whine, writhing against the sheets.

Leon pushes back on Connor’s fingers at the same time your hips start to grind down feverishly on Leon’s face.

“Make her cum, Leo,” Connor says, removing his fingers from Leon’s ass and teasing his hole once more.

Leon’s focus changes completely. His fingers dig into your hipbones, pulling you closer to him so he has a better angle. Your chest is rising and falling quickly, heaving off the bed when Leon finally sucks your clit. You cum with a shout, tumbling over the edge, pussy clenching around Leon’s tongue.

Connor wastes no time, grabbing Leon’s hips to steady him before spreading Leon's cheeks and swiping his tongue in long, broad strokes. Connor’s not the biggest fan of rimming, but Leon loves it. Leon groans as Connor teases him, starts to rut against the bed when Connor’s tongue dips into his hole, loses it when Connor starts to fuck him open with his tongue. He reaches over to jack Leon off, pumping him as he continues to take him apart. Leon goes limp beneath him, reduced to nothing but moans. Connor speeds up his ministries, revealing in the way Connor’s name falls weakly from Leon’s mouth. Leon bucks hard against the bed, cums with a shudder. Connor takes his hand off Leon's cock, and places it on his own but doesn’t quite relent on his tongue, working Leon through the aftershocks' pleasure. It doesn’t take very long for Connor to cum, finally letting up on Leon and effectively ruining his boxers.

“Aw Leo,” Connor says once he can catch his breath, “We have to watch the duvet cover now.”

~~~

“Where is my baby?” Connor teases playfully when you walk through the door, baby carrier in hand.

“Calm your tits,” you say, placing the carrier on the kitchen counter and allowing Connor to take her out, “She’s home, and just woke up from a nap.”

“I wish I took a nap today,” Connor says as he rocks Emilia in his arms. She gives Connor a toothless smile and Connor just wants to smoosh her.

“Has anyone ever told you, you look really good holding a baby?” Leon says, giving Connor a quick peck on the cheek.

“Good enough to have another baby?” Connor asks.

You roll your eyes, “Two years, Con.”

“I’m just teasing.”

And, yeah, Connor finally starts to feel like he’s home again.

#poly fic #connor mcdavid #leon draisaitl #ran writes #connor mcdavid imagine #leon draisaitl imagine #nhl smut #nhl oneshot #connor mcdavid smut #leon draisaitl smut

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h34rtizuku · 3 years

Text

𝔭𝔦𝔱𝔶 𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔶

i hate angst without happy endings, but i’m also self-destructive. therapy is expensive, but ripping your own heart out and bearing your insecurities into a full-fledged story for you and others to read? free.

warnings : angst without a happy ending, insecurities, jealousy, mayhaps toxic behavior?? idk if ur looking for a good time, this isn’t for you bestie <3 also i might misspell uraraka’s name wrong a few times, i’ll fix them later :*

being quirkless had its advantages. with such a small number of us being born without powers, it left a lot of the mundane jobs open.

which is why, as soon as pro-hero deku opened his agency, i came to him with the request to be his assistant.

on the daily, he had people coming up to him asking for internships or to be his sidekick. but he never had anyone ask to be his assistant.

being the number one hero often meant that every day things, things one may take for granted or deem insignificant became just another list of things on the busy man’s to-do list.

therefore the appeal of having someone file his paper work and run to get him coffee in the morning was great enough to hire me.

and i was glad he did.

this is what i have been working for since i was a first year in high school. after watching the freckled boy break limb after limb to defeat his opponent.

yeah, i saw it as irresponsible and stupid that he had to break his own body to save others. but i was willing to overlook it.

my one goal during my remaining years of high school and up to college was that wherever that little green haired boy went, i would follow.

and that reigned true as his assistant. i would shuffle after him like a duckling following it’s mother, wherever he needed me.

if he needed me in a briefing to take notes for him, i was there. if he needed me to put in overtime to help him file the last minute paperwork, i was there. if he wanted a particular pastry from a specific bakery half way across town, i was there.

izuku was never mean, or demanding. always thanking me profusely for anything i ever did for him. leaving me to remind him that this was my job, and any way to make his life easier was good enough for me.

but maybe i should have held onto those blushed cheeks and crinkled eyes as he thanked me for the coffee that he didn’t even know he needed, for a just a little bit longer.

you know how a child will open a new toy on christmas and it quickly becomes their new favorite toy? playing with it non-stop, taking it wherever they go. until one day, they grow bored of it and never touch it again as it grows dusty at the bottom of their toy bin.

i know izuku wasn’t doing it on purpose, he didn’t have an intentionally mean bone in his body. i guess you could say, some other toys came around and took his attention away.

and that toy, was a particularly difficult mission in collaboration with uravity’s agency.

the two spent long hours cooped in his office as they went over notes, plans, intel, etc. until the conversation melted into talk about the old days and the wonderful memories they had together in high school.

i went to work the following days with absolutely no energy to handle whatever would be thrown at me. i hadn’t been able to get much sleep, as when i closed my eyes the only thing i could see was the look in his eyes when he saw her.

my patience was already thin given the events of the most recent week, but when the printer started malfunctioning leaving me unable to fax the papers izuku wanted me send, you could say that was the first domino.

i swatted and kicked and pressed any button on the stupid machine. telling myself i was merely trying to get to stupid thing to work, but deep down i knew that the printer was just my temporary punching bag. an outlet to unleash my anger and emotions onto something instead of letting them fester inside me.

so when one of izuku’s sidekicks came by, giving a snarky comment about my behavior, i was able to brush it off with a roll of my eyes and an equally snippy comment back.

but as the hunk of plastic remained steady in its plan to ruin my day, the lack of sleep and lingering resentment started to bubble within me once more.

i heard footsteps behind me and a joking voice say, “having a bit of trouble are we?”

if it weren’t for the white hot anger buzzing in my ears i may have been able to identify the voice before i lashed out on them. but we already established this was not my day.

so as my hands moved to clutch the machine below me, most likely to restrain my abuse to merely verbal instead of physical. i spit out, “listen i’m fucking trying okay? so how about you get off my ass and do something useful.”

i turned around to face who i thought would be another sidekick sent to push my buttons. but i instead came face-to-face with the green haired man himself.

eyes blown wide, mouth agape in shock, a light blush dusted under his freckles as he fought to handle the situation the best way he could.

but i beat him to it with a deep bow and an endless flow of apologies, opting to only blame my anger on the malfunctioning piece of junk behind me and not the several other reasons i was plotting murder in my head.

with a gentle smile and a soft chuckle he placed his hand to the back of his head, rubbing at the baby jade hairs of his undercut. “i see. bad days happen to the best of us.” he replied, his voice like honey.

i became drunk on the minor interaction he was giving me, bringing me back to the beginning days at this job where we would spend late nights trying to keep each other awake under the only singular yellow light as we finished paperwork. or where sometimes he’d invite me to spend lunch with him as he felt he’d enjoy the company.

i got lost in the intricacies of his face as he tampered with the printer. thin eyebrows furrowed in concentration, bottom lip captured between his thick scarred fingers as he muttered to himself.

i fell in a trance, locked on the slope of his button nose, his gemstone eyes, and chubby caramel cheeks dusted in freckles.

he looked essentially like the same boy i saw on the screen all those years ago, yet matured and hardened by the realities of life.

i wanted nothing more than to reach out and protect him any way my small quirkless body could. to be there for him the same way he was for everyone else.

he eventually got the printer to work with a boyish smile on his face as he told me that despite the good roughing up i gave the machine, he was able to locate and handle the issue. “next time, skip the punching and come find me, yeah? i’ll help with any problems you face.” he joked as he made his way into his office to resume his work.

i didn’t know it was possible to fall harder for that man, but he proved with every day of his existence that the impossible didn’t apply to him.

i was finally able to get some sleep the next few nights as my eyelids filled with the blush on his cheekbones and his gaze of concentration.

but my trip to cloud 9 didn’t last very long as the occasional meeting with uraraka became trips to her agency, and occasional meetings in civilian clothes to civilian places, like coffee shops and corner stores.

to anyone else, those would read as dates. to me, they read as dates. but izuku assured the gossiping sidekicks that it was strictly professional ~ nothing more, nothing less.

i knew that i would end up with more fits of restlessness and sleepless nights as i pictured the two of them laughing over a cup of coffee. so i sought out a replacement.

a moment. a look. a sentence.

anything directed at me that would choke out the ugly thoughts and images my brain would show me of the two of them together.

so that afternoon as i brought him his lunch, i placed the box safely onto the table beside him as he continued skimming through the papers littered across the desk.

he muttered a small ‘thank you’ but it wasn’t enough. as my hand moved to place his drink that i held in my other hand next to his food, a different idea popped in my head.

my hand moved faster than my brain could register what it had just planned to do. squeezing just enough for the lid to pop off and slip from my fingers to tumble into his lap.

as soon as the liquid and ice hit his lap he flew up from his seat and away from his desk.

my hands flew up to my mouth as a string of apologies fell from my lips. eyes watering in guilt as they moved around the room trying to locate something to soak up the mess with.

“i am so sorry, my fingers slipped and before i knew it i had lost control of the cup. i-i can’t tell you how sorry i am.” i rambled as i took my blazer off to wipe at the wet stains starting to form at the bottom of his teal suit.

“hey, hey, hey.” he said softly, taking my tinier hands into his large and battered ones. warmth enveloped my clutched sticky hands as he gently urged me to stand from my crouching position in front of him.

“it was an accident. no harm, no foul.” he said with a soft smile.

i should feel bad, as it wasn’t entirely an accident. but the warm and gentle look in his eyes made what little guilt i felt crumble away.

his thumbs rubbing soft circles to my skin as he worked to get the tears to stop streaming from my eyes was enough to get me to sleep like a baby for a good 2 weeks.

until it became a cycle. he would spend too much time around uraraka, and then i would do something all in the name of garnering his attention back on me.

was it wrong of me to do, to take advantage of his kindness? to take advantage of the fact that he was naive to my true intentions? maybe.

but i felt i deserved it. i felt i deserved to be looked at the same way he looked at her.

i wasn’t any different than she was. with the way she used her big brown eyes to pull him in. or the way her cute behavior made him blush. or the way her sweet way of talking made him laugh.

i can’t be her, or compare to her. so i found my own way around it. and no one could fault me for doing so. they just couldn’t.

at the end of the mission, uravity decided to throw a party in celebration of their win. a nice formal gathering, with everyone she had involved.

when izuku pulled me aside one late night to tell me that he was extending the invitation to me felt akin to a marriage proposal.

i wasn’t involved much in the case, merely being used as the one who provided them their lunch on their long meeting days. or filing and organizing the paperwork and notes that they would compile. i wasn’t out in the field, breaking bones like izuku or saving lives like uraraka.

i didn’t deserve to go, but i didn’t care. izuku had invited me personally and damn it, i was gonna be there.

yet, i shouldn’t have gone.

i shouldn’t have spent the hours on my makeup. i shouldn’t have enlisted the help of my best friend to do my hair as i gushed about how izuku had personally invited me, how he was the most perfect man ever, and how i was undoubtedly in love with him.

i shouldn’t have spent the week leading up to the event going from shop to shop trying to find the prettiest dress that was just the exact color of his eyes. i shouldn’t have spent about half my paycheck on said dress when i found it.

i shouldn’t have decided to face my fears and step out of my comfort zone to join a group of heroes that i knew were old classmates of izuku’s as they whispered about something that clearly was a raving topic.

because then i wouldn’t have heard how izuku was planning on confessing to uraraka. i wouldn’t have heard how this mission caused old high school feelings to rekindle. i should have known my place.

and that was far away from here, from the hero scene. i should have grown up to be an accountant or a chef.

when my father took me to get that checkup when i was 5, to confirm that there truly resides no quirk inside me.

i should have left it at that.

when i was riding my bike that day as a first year and i saw the group of boys huddled around a screen as they tuned into the u-a sports festival, i should have kept riding.

as maybe it would have saved me a lot of pain.

i backed away slowly, heels tapping against the tile floor as i hurried out of the building.

i didn’t realize how suffocated i felt until the chilly autumn hair brushed my face and into my lungs.

my whole body felt hot, i felt numb. i stumbled onto the sidewalk as i looked into the dark azure sky glittered with stars.

the tears finally spilled from my eyes as the stars muddled together into a messy blur. my stomach swirled and tensed as pit of nausea sunk in my stomach.

my chest heaved as it tried to process the crisp cold air into oxygen, but my throat was too tight to let much in.

i gasped and sobbed as my back hit the brick behind me, my legs wobbling unable to carry my weight much longer.

i slid into a crouched position as my tears mixed with the black of my mascara. streaming in pools down my cheeks, neck, and chest.

in the midst of my sobbing and heaving, i called my friend who was still at my apartment awaiting details of that night when i came home.

knowing it was far too early for me to be calling her she picked up the phone with confusion. it didn’t take much words from me, not like i gave her much, to convince her that she needed to come pick me up.

as she hung up the phone, my hand slipped from my ear, falling limp to my side as i placed my head into my other arm resting atop my knees.

this was inevitable and i knew it. no matter how many ways i was able to manipulate a sweet glance from him, it didn’t mean anything.

izuku was nice to everybody. sweet to everyone. kind to anyone.

but with her, it was different. he treated her that way, not because he had to, but because he wanted to.

they had years of memories, of laughs. they were perfect for each other, both smart, and kind, and always looking to help others. never acting selfishly or for personal gain.

they shared soft touches like they did old stories. they looked at each other with the same respect and admiration.

i was wrong. uraraka and i are nothing alike. she didn’t have to beg izuku to look at her like she hung the moon, he did so without asking.

unbeknownst to me, as i was manipulating izuku into these fabricated moments of gentle gazes and kind words, i was manipulating myself.

lying to the deepest parts of me that knew that this wasn’t real. that i wasn’t her. that he didn’t think of us the same way.

to him, uraraka is an old friend, who views the world the same way he does, who shares his same passions, who built her quirk to do some good within this world.

to him, i was a coffee-getter, the girl who knew his lunch orders like the back of her hand, the girl who filed his papers. the quirkless little fangirl who practically begged him to give her a job under him.

i heard the metal door open and snap shut announcing that someone was now outside with me. however, i just assumed it was a party-goer stepping outside for a smoke or a phone call so i didn’t bother to look up.

i also wasn’t in the mood for if the person happened to be a drunk girl who was ready to become my therapist as she saw me crouched on the sidewalk wishing to become one with the cement and simply cease to exist.

“there you are, i was wondering where you went?”

i would have taken the amateur therapist over this.

the voice belonged to izuku, dripping with sugar and default kindness.

if i could become one with the bricks just a little bit faster that would be great.

“hey, are you alright?” his tone became worried but i still didn’t dare to look up from my arms.

“do you feel sick? did something happen? do i need to take you home?” there he goes, into hero mode. ready to drop anything to help anyone facing the slightest of inconveniences.

“please just leave me alone.” i mumbled, throat tight and voice wavering as i try to hold the tears that still remain to fall.

“what did you say? i didn’t quite hear you.” he said softly, gently setting his large hands onto my exposed shoulder.

they should feel like welcoming warmth, but instead they felt blistering hot as i shoved them away as quickly as i could.

“i said leave me alone.” i said, slightly louder as i no longer was stuffed in my arms and knees.

he immediately saw the mess my face was in, i could tell by the way he quickly reverted fully into deku.

“hey, what’s wrong? whatever it is, i can help. didn’t i say you could come to me whenever you ne-“

“oh my god just stop! i can’t take it anymore.” i snapped, finally able to look him in the face.

but not for long as i saw the same look on his complexion as the first time i snapped at him.

“you’re too fucking nice. leaving you vulnerable for people to take advantage of you. giving them a reason to be selfish.”

“i dont-“ he tried to start but i cut him off.

“i don’t need a hero, izuku. there are people you just can’t save.”

as he worked to wrap his head around what was happening, my friend pulled up in my getaway car.

i bent down and grabbed my purse, but before i could fully escape this night, izuku grabbed my wrist causing me to stare into his eyes.

now lit aflame with desperation, “please just tell me what’s wrong. let me help you.” he encouraged softly.

but i wasn’t going to fall for it, not again.

i wasn’t gonna be played for the fool as i took the soft look in his eyes for anything but the gaze of a hero hoping to add another save to their statistics.

“god you never know when to quit!” i yelled as i yanked my wrist back. “and i hate that i-“

loved that about you?

no, love that about you.

i shook my head, thankful that for once my brain caught my actions before i spilled and made a mess again.

i walked quickly to the car, opening the passenger door almost as fast in hopes that within its metal sanctuary i could finally escape this hell.

“y/n- i-“

“mr. midoriya.” i just about whispered, my energy long since drained.

he laughed gently and i cursed the way my heart squeezed a little at the sound.

still head over heels for the angelic sound.

“you haven’t called me that in a long-“

“i quit.”

“w-what?” he muttered in disbelief.

i wouldn’t believe it either, not after the way i came to him nearly 4 years ago saying i would even be willing to clean toilets if he asked me to, so long as i got to work for him.

“i quit.” i repeated.

“you don’t mean that.”

he’s right i didn’t, not really.

hot tears started to dribble as my lower lip puckered in a sour quiver.

“no i do, sir.” i shook. “i will send someone to collect my things on monday.”

and with that i closed the door.

“drive.” i whispered to my friend who after a moment of looking at me, trying to read me, silently put the car into drive and started forward.

leaving izuku behind to stumble after the car, mouth muttering, trying to form any sort of sentence or sense.

but i couldn’t see him, knowing not to look at the mirrors situated on the side of the vehicle.

for they too are liars, as objects in the mirror are farther than they appear.

*** my little blue bitch working overtime

🧼 also mayhaps “soap” by melanie martinez fits this story… unintentionally ~ but if i’m wrong it’s cuz i haven’t listened to it in a while

#izuku #izuku midoriya #deku #deku x reader #izuku x reader #my hero academia #mha #bnha #boku no hero academia #izuku angst #deku angst #deku headcanons #deku imagine

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duuhrayliegh · 3 years

Text

male chivalry

warnings: okay so there is a trigger warning of sexual harassment and attempted sexual assault, language, men being gross, protective!bucky, angst a bit, i think that’s it, if you see anything else let me know

word count: 3230 :)

a/n: idk why it took me so long to finish this, but it’s here now!!! also this is based off this post from @teaboot (just the op bc the rest of it pissed me off :)) i hope y’all like it. i hope it’s what y’all expected idk, i’m proud of it.

i really hope i did the topics justice, if you don’t think i did, please shoot me a message and help me figure out how to do better. <3

p.s.: my requests and tag lists are open! also this is not beta read, so all mistakes are my own.

xoxo ray

ray’s m.list

************************************

It had been about three weeks since Bucky had first met the group of four at the protest. Bucky made sure to check in with Steve and let him know what he was doing. Steve was always worrying about Bucky, which was totally understandable because of everything they had been through.

Bucky’s day was a relaxed one with little to no time to dawdle. Over these three weeks, he had learned more from an eighteen year old than he ever thought he would. It was easier to open up to her, for some reason. Bucky hadn’t fully figured that out yet either, but he wasn’t going to question it.

Bucky had been going to his court mandated therapy with Dr. Raynor, to say they were making progress would be a lie. Honestly, Bucky was making more progress with the new individuals in his life. They knew what he did as the Winter Soldier-- no they know what the Winter Soldier did, Cassie made sure the distinction between the two was crystal clear. Bucky was still a bit cautious around them, not wanting to hurt them or be a burden to them.

It amazed Bucky how open they were with each other. Back in the 40’s, you didn’t express your feelings. Especially if you were a man, for fear of being labeled something unsavory. Even stranger still to Bucky was the encouragement and support that everyone gave to those in hard times. It warmed Bucky’s heart to see Penny comforting Freddie after his recent break up.

“Freddie and Ted had been together a little over six months,” Cassie explained to Bucky one night after the group had dispersed from the dining table. Bucky and Cassie were standing over the sink washing the dinner plates and cutlery. “Freddie was so in love with him. I thought Ted felt the same, but I guess that’s just how it goes, right?”

Bucky shrugged, this was one of his first experiences with modern romance. Dating in the 40’s was very rigid, which was to be expected, but nowadays everything is very fluid. It truly fascinated Bucky.

“I honestly don’t know.” Bucky shrugged as he dried the pristine plates. Just as he began to get lost in thought, Evie pulled him into a subject that he hadn’t thought of in a real long time.

“What was it like with women in the forties, Buck?” Bucky blinked at her and considered his answer carefully. The group had been teaching him how to handle some subjects sensitively.

“To be honest? The last date that I went on was to the World Expo of Tomorrow in 1943, the night before I shipped out to England.” He turned, leaning his weight on the counter behind him and crossing his arms over his chest. “I went with Steve, this was before he was Captain America, so when he was a little ol’ gangly thing. I had hooked us up with two women, one for me and one for Stevie, their names were Dot and Connie, I think.”

“No, no, that’s not what I mean, Buck. What was it like with women?”

Bucky tilted his head in question.“What do you mean?”

“What was it like with them? Like, how were they treated as a whole?”

“Oh, uh I think they were treated well? My Ma always told Steve and I to treat women with respect, so we did.”

“Right, but what about everyone else? How did they treat women?” Bucky was confused by the question and he began to think that he was giving the wrong answers.

“Um, I guess I don’t know. I guess they were treated how they are today?” Both of the girls in front of him released disdained scoffs.

“Well, that’s unfortunate, right Cas?” Cassie nodded at Evie and dropped her head in disappointment.

“Why do you say that?” Bucky asked. He was genuinely curious about what the girls were referring to. “I mean, I get that the treatment of women hasn’t always been good but it’s not that bad right?” The girls shared a knowing look, and then Evie sighed. She hauled herself out of her chair and nodded to Bucky.

“Alright, let’s go take a walk, just you and me.”

“Where are we going?”

“Oh, just a couple blocks away to the Walgreens. Sound okay?” Bucky agreed, grabbing his jacket and waiting for Evie by the doorway. “We’ll be back soon, Cas.”

“Uh, are you sure that’s a good idea, Evelyn?” Bucky had only ever heard Cassie use Evie’s full name when she was getting in trouble.

“Yeah, we’ll be fine, Cas, I swear.” Evie glanced at Bucky, “Besides, I’ve got a Sargent escorting me, so we’ve got nothing to worry about.” She threw a smile to her older sister whose face was just a veil of worry and doubt.

Bucky and Evie exited the apartment building and neither of them had said anything since. Bucky was wondering what this whole exercise was all about, but he wasn’t going to say anything until Evie did. The pair walked up onto a crosswalk, causing them to stop and wait so Evie was able to turn the man beside her.

“So, before we go any further, I just want to set the scene for you.” She took a calming breath and it was now that Bucky realized that this was the first time that she was noticeably scared. His brows furrowed and he nodded as she continued. “It’s ten o’clock on a Wednesday night and you’re in Brooklyn, walking to your local Walgreens because you need tampons.” Bucky huffed out a small laugh as Evie playfully glared at the man.

“Yeah, yeah. The female menstrual cycle is hilarious as is the pink tax that is put on feminine hygiene products. Laugh it up, James.” She shook her head and pulled Bucky closer to the front of a building. “I’m trying to tell you something, ya asshole. So, you see that it’s dark outside because it’s late but you decide to risk it anyway because you have a flight to catch at four the next morning. You leave your apartment and you are greeted with this.” She gestured to the expanse in front of her.

“Alright, let’s go. And just a word of wisdom real quick before we really get going. Women are considered fragile but I’ve never seen anything as easily wounded as a man’s ego.”

“Wow, that’s quite a pearl.” Bucky caught up to Evie as she made her way down the street.

“So being a woman and even more so, being a woman at night, means that you have to constantly be on guard.” As they were walking, a man in a greasy white tank top passed them. The man’s head turned and he scanned Evie’s body.

“Goddamn, that’s a sweet little body there, baby girl.” Bucky’s head snapped around to the man, but Evie kept walking. Bucky looked over to Evie with concern riddling his features.

“Hey, sweetcheeks! Let me talk to you for a while!” The greasy man was now following Evie and Bucky. “I bet I can show you a better time than he can, baby girl. Come on, let me talk to you.” He reached his hand out, gripping Evie’s arm and pulling her to face him.

“Please don’t touch me.” “Get your fucking hands off her, you dick.” The man took a step backwards away from the pair.

“Well, fine you bitch! I didn’t want you anyway, fucking fat ass.”

“Hey, you don’t just get to fucking walk away, you jackass! Apologize to her.”

“Why should I apologize to her? I was giving her a compliment.” Bucky’s eyes widened to the size of saucers. Did this guy just fucking--

“Okay, buddy.” Bucky went to approach the man to settle their disagreement when Evie stopped him.

“James, leave it. Let’s go.” She kept walking and Bucky didn’t want to leave her alone, not after that whole debacle.

“What the fuck was that Evie?” He questioned quickly, she shook her head in response but never verbally responded to him. A few paces later, the pair was about to pass a group of men leaned up against the brick wall behind them. Brown paper bags crunched around bottles were grasped in their hands. Drunken laughter was ringing out through the near empty streets.

“Hey baby! Why don’t you come on over here so we can talk to ya!” One of the men began to step in front of Evie effectively stopping her movement. The eighteen year old took a few steps backwards, coincidentally into Bucky’s chest. His arms came up to meet hers, about to move in front of her in a protective stance.

“Woah, you got a bodyguard baby?” The man tilted his head and stared at Evie. “You know you don’t need him sweetheart.”

“Damn, baby girl. You’re fine as hell.” Another man walked to stand next to the first. “What do I gotta do to get you in my bed?”

“Please leave us alone.”

“No, baby girl I don’t think that’s what’s going to happen.” Bucky stepped in front of Evie protectively.

“I think she told you to leave us alone.” The two men in front of Bucky didn’t waver. Two raised brows and a fit of laughter later, they still maintained their ground.

“Why? You guys going somewhere to fuck? Already got a piece of that ass and don’t want to share it big man?”

“That’s just cold. You gotta share sometime. And it’s just easier to do it now rather than later.” Evie trembled behind Bucky and leaned up so only Bucky could hear her.

“Come on Bucky, let’s just go back to the apartment.” She tugged on his right arm, fingers digging into his soft flesh. Bucky was sure that he would have crescent shaped indentations where her nails laid in because of how much she was gripping him.

Bucky’s eyes flicked up and down the two men in front of him, assessing how much of a threat they were. They were clearly enough of a threat to frighten Evie to the point of wanting to go home. Bucky gave Evie a stiff nod, not taking his eyes off of the men.

“Hey, where do you think you’re going baby? We’re just getting started!” One of them yelled at the pair as he reached out to grab Evie’s forearm. A split second later, Bucky’s left hand balled into a fist and he launched it at the man’s face. A loud crack resounded and a groan left the man’s mouth as he hit the ground. A look of shock fell across the other’s faces as they saw Bucky standing over their fallen comrade. The group took several steps away from the pair, holding their hands up in surrender.

“Don’t you ever touch a woman without her permission, you fucking prick.” Bucky then turned quickly, grabbing Evie’s wrist tightly and hauling her away from the men. Several paces later, Bucky still held a tight grip on the girl's arm.

“Bucky, you’re kind of hurting me.” Evie’s voice broke through Bucky’s barriers. He let up on how fast he was walking and then dropped Evie’s arm.

Worried eyes scanned her body for any bruising, “I’m so sorry, doll. Are you okay?” Evie laughed as she was rubbing her sore wrists.

“Bucky, that’s normal for any woman. Ever.” Shaking her head, she began walking back towards the apartment. “We could’ve kept on going to Walgreens, but I wasn’t sure your fragile heart could take it.” Bucky drew in his brows and a deep frown etched itself into his features.

“What the hell do you mean that’s normal, Evelyn?” He thrust his arm behind them, gesturing to what they just went through. “Nothing about that was normal.” Still shaking her head, the eighteen year old shrugged her shoulders.

“It’s normal for women.” She glanced at Bucky as she continued on her way. “Also, I know that you were probably just defending my honor or protecting me or whatever, but I want you to really think back, Buck. Think about when you were picking up women in the forties, did you ever push when they didn’t want to have that drink with you? Did you continuously ask for them to dance with you?”

“No, I told you. My Ma raised me the right way.” They walked up to the apartment building and Bucky reached for the door handle. Evie began making her up the stairs, Bucky not far behind her. She stopped suddenly, a few flights before Cassie’s apartment.

“What about your friends?” Bucky was taken aback. His memories were still a bit fuzzy about those times, but he could remember clearly enough. Although he wasn’t quite sure what she meant by the questions she was asking.

“What are you getting at Evie?” He huffed while opening the door to Cassie’s apartment. Freddie and Penny were lounged on the couch with an almost empty bottle of wine. Cassie’s head shot up at the sound of the two walking in the doorway. Evie dumped her things off on the granite countertop and turned on her heel to stare at Bucky.

“Did you ever stop your friends when women said no?” The quiet laughter between Penny and Freddie stopped suddenly as Evie’s question hung in the air. All eyes were on Bucky as he gulped and thought back to the times at the bars. Out with Steve and the other Howling Commandos, did they ever do that? He tried to think of a time when they pushed for what they wanted to happen. Of a time when the woman they were pursuing reluctantly gave in because they wouldn’t leave her alone. Evie didn’t wait for an answer, she could see that he was processing everything.

“So why did you stop those guys back there?” Her brows raised and her head tilted in question. Bucky took a deep breath and was about to answer when Evie cut him off. “By punching that guy out there, you’re a hero and we should all thank you and congratulate you for doing the right thing.” She stepped closer to Bucky and the three in the living room understood where Evie was going.

“What do you think would have been said if I would’ve punched him? Sure, you would’ve said something snappy and nice about how I can take care of myself. The general public though? They would say that I overreacted.”

“Easy Evie, he’s still learning.” Cassie said quietly. Bucky was thankful for that, he still did have a lot to learn but it felt like Evie was attacking him. That’s the point, you fucking dumbass. If you had been berating her for putting herself in danger by punching that guy, you would think she was reckless.

“Her point, Bucky, is that the double standard for men and women goes beyond what we expect. Everyone goes crazy for the knight saving the damsel, but everyone hates the damsel for saving herself.” Freddie explained from the comfort of the couch. Bucky nodded, starting to understand the concept. “And her questions about your old buddies. That has to do with the fact that you’re part of the problem.”

“What problem is that?” Bucky was honestly scared to know the answer but he knew to fully learn, he had to get all the facts, both good and bad.

“Stunting the growth of feminism. Being one of the people perpetuating the fact that it’s okay for men to be violent, but not for women.”

“Violence in the form of defending oneself in any capacity.” In Bucky’s line of work, he sees tons of capable and strong women. Natasha, Okoye, Shuri, Sharon, he could think of so many. Then he tried to think of when any of them got the limelight like Steve or himself.

“So it’s like anytime that there would be press releases for the team, and the interviewers would come and ask us questions,” he paused to think how to word what he wanted to say, “they always ask the guys about like super important things like how we’re keeping the city safe and stuff. But when they talk to the girls, they ask about their workout schedule and if they can wear underwear under their suits?”

“Yes, it’s exactly like that Bucky. That’s just a different form of it.” Evie replied quickly. She came up to hug Bucky. “I didn’t mean to attack you or anything, but this is something that we all feel is really important for you to grasp now that you’re back out there.”

“And now that you can recognize when it’s happening, the next important step is to stop it before it happens.” Penny yelled from the living room as she downed the last of the bottle in her hand.

“I’m so sorry, Evie. I didn’t know.”

“I know, I’m sorry too. You’re still figuring stuff out, but I needed you to see what it was really like for women.”

“Okay.” Bucky nodded. “How can I help this situation?” The group exchanged proud looks.

“Well, educate everyone around you. Don’t let it happen when you’re around.” Cassie said as she walked into the kitchen to crack open another bottle of wine. “And just support women. Push our problems into the public’s eye.” Bucky smiled, he could handle that, he was good at that.

Considering he was on his way to becoming a member of the Avengers, he would be able to influence from up high. He could openly support groups that were run by women, for women. He was used to standing in the background for things he didn’t believe in, so standing for something that he did was going to be a cakewalk.

A concern floated into the forefront of Bucky’s mind. He looked down at Evie, who had just recently released him from her death grip of a hug. “You know how to defend yourself right?”

Evie’s brows raised in a challenging manner, “Do I look like I don’t know how to defend myself?” The man shook his head and smiled as the surrounding group laughed. Cassie poured a glass of wine and cracked open a bottle of beer for Bucky.

They all made their way to the comfy couches to snuggle in for a movie night, satisfied with their teachings for the night.

“What are we watching tonight?”

“Well, in the spirit of feminism, we are going to watch Legally Blonde.” Penny commented as she picked up the remote. “And it’s Freddie’s favorite so yeah.”

The lights clicked off as the opening credits ran for the movie. Bucky looked around his group of friends as they giggled at the screen. Evie had her head in Cassie’s lap and she was stretched across the sofa with her feet tucked under Bucky’s thigh. Freddie and Penny were curled up in the loveseat across from where Bucky was. Pieces of popcorn and glasses of red wine were being passed from person to person, with the exception of Evie who was still underage. The energy surrounding the five of them was something Bucky hadn’t experienced in a long time and he wasn’t going to give it up anytime soon either.

A large grin overtook his face, although today was one of the harder lessons for him to learn, he wouldn’t want anyone else to be teaching him.

***********************

@mishaandthebrits

#twenty first century liabilities #bucky x oc #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #james buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes fanfic #james buchanan barnes fanfiction #sebastian stan #bucky fanfic #bucky fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader

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