#he just angers me sometimes with his behavior and treatment of loki | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marisandini-chu-blog · 3 years

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How Shadow and Bones Differentiate Villain and Anti-Hero

Alright, first I need to claim the fact that I love dark, edgy, but misunderstood bad boy in stories with the potential of epic redemption. Loki from Marvel. Jason Todd from DC. Captain Hook from Once Upon a Time. Zuko from AtLA. You name them, I simp them.

So when I watched this new show on Netflix and shown a tall, handsome man in dark clothing, both respected and feared for his power. I feel... nothing.

WHICH IS WEIRD! Like... he’s obviously my type. Complete with the sad backstory and vicious streak. So I kept wondering why I wasn’t enamored by the Darkling, Alexander Kirigan. I wasn’t surprised he was the main villain, I even expected it. But I usually at least have a bit of sympathy for them. This OOC behavior of mine made me introspect myself and the show, trying to find out which part gave me the red flags before Mother Darkling decides to pop the chosen one out halfway in the season.

That’s when it hit me; there were red flags! The show had been subtly trying to tell us Kirigan is a manipulative boyfriend not just by great acting and good directing, but by comparing him with the actual anti-hero of the story who I actually love; Kaz Brekker.

Here’s the list of signs you might not notice of why Kirigan is meant to be a Villain instead of an Anti-Hero.

1. The Eyes

"The eyes are the window to the soul" is a common saying and and the key to good acting for any good show. Eyes tell us a lot about what a person’s character is like and SaB showed us the difference of a sincere man and a man with a hidden agenda.

Look at him! Look at that little smirk. Look at the gaze. That's the look you find when someone's evil little plan is finally coming together. Not one awed by the power or by Alina. A blatant sus move is what I'm saying. Congrat, first flag planted.

Sure he could still fall in love with Alina, but that doesn't stop his agenda either. All it does is potentially create conflict for him to pick either his plan for revenge or life with Alina.

In comparison, look at Kaz when he said this to Inej; "She isn't like you, no one is." Straightforward eyes. Serious grim. No nonsense tone. Inej is one of the most talented and terrifying rogue-assassin and Kaz just blatantly said that he kept her from 'slavery' because of who she is, not what she's capable of. Like... the man has no shame being known to love her while still trying to be professional (or as professional a thief can be). I can respect that.

This is the eye of a man who would abandon everything to make sure she comes out alright in the end. Do not argue with me on this!

2. Leverage and Status

The moment Alina steps into the Little Palace she was treated like a princess. A palace, by the way, that’s managed by the Darkling. She gets favorable treatment; from the food, Zoya displaced when she fought Alina, a horseback ride just the two of them, asking her to call by his name to make them familiar, a black uniform that might as well be claiming???

Dude is desperate is what I’m saying.

Sure, this could all be romantic gestures. There’s the problem that Kirigan is superior in status and name, powerful Grisha, and has a vested interest in her power. Pursuing romance while Kirigan has the ability to make her life heaven or hell with a snap of his finger made every single decision be seen with wariness.

"Beware of powerful men," Genya couldn't put it any better.

Had they pursued romance after they destroy the fold, cementing Alina’s position as a saint more. Then I might have let go of that wariness.

I’m only proven correct when the moment Alina turned away from him, Kirigan made another leverage by (spoiler!) putting an antler to her collarbone... eeeewwww much?!

That’s how desperate the Darkling is to be in control of a person and a situation.

And when no letter came for Alina? That a big red flag because who else in this castle can control the coming of going of letter with the Savior. HMMMMMMMMMMM.....

Then there’s Kaz. My man. There’s no competition. This guy held no leverage on my dear Inej. When she almost decided to leave, Kaz didn't force or convince her to stay but he ask her. Doesn't remind her of her debt whether monetary or life debt to him. In fact, this guy needs money for revenge but instead mortgage his main source of income for her freedom.

HE POSTPONED HIS LIFE GOAL TO FREE HER FROM DEBT ASJHAKFSDJGLDFJ!!!

What more do I need to say?

3. Sympathy Card

This is the type of point you want to watch out from your partners, ladies, gents, and others. The sympathy card is the way to go when anyone wants to reach out to you so you can take care of them before they abuse or gaslight you.

While it’s good to share trauma and eased the burden, sometimes it's healthy to ask yourself whether the person can take advantage of you and to verify whether they lie to you or not.

When Kirigan shared about his past as a sympathetic boy with his secluded fountain and coin. Everything about that scene rang warning bells for me... the part he had requested her to use his color... requesting to horse ride with just them two... sharing sob story that may encourage Alina to help him...

Kudos to Alina to see through the fact she's seen as a means to an end.

It was only when Kirigan showed righteous anger and frustration of a war that's killing his people did Alina finally opened her heart to him.

Kaz however doesn't use the sympathy card. Heck, the man likes to believe he shed away any weakness and threw it in the harbor where it belongs. Kaz hates weaknesses. And garnering sympathy is an admission of weakness for him.

We still know there's a tragic backstory as any decent anti-hero would have... but by not sharing that, this implies that Inej and Jesper stayed because of who he is, and not because of who he was or how he came to be. They don't need a sob story to stay together and that showed a stronger bond between them.

4. Friends

To be frank, I find this the most hilarious because this point is the one that convinced me that Kirigan was secretly an evil bastard.

He doesn’t have any friends!!!

Like... dude had a literal witch army, a wife once, a fuck buddy, and a girlfriend but there wasn’t a single moment in the show where someone, outside of Alina and superior, to speak casually to him.

You’re telling me this person... the most powerful and influential Grisha in the East Ravka, charming as hell, handsome as fuck, and yet he doesn’t have friends?!

“I’ve buried good soldiers... friends...” Get the fuck out of here! WHAT FRIENDS?!?! Maybe if you get off your little power trip from your self-made pedestal, you can actually be less of an asshole and make one.

Sure he excused himself by blaming his ‘ancestor’ for being a shadow summoner. I can see how the fear makes it hard for him to get close to anybody. But all the other characters who are part of his army only ever shown to speak with him respectfully, and the royalty even commend him. No one disrespected him even openly and you’re telling me he doesn’t have one friend amidst all these people?!

In comparison, look at Kaz. He’s brash, crude, and unapologetic. He held true to his moniker ‘Bastard of the Barrel’ and yet this ass has friends. They show Jesper joking with Kaz, and Kaz has shown to banter with him back as well as tolerating his gambling addiction when it could have jeopardized the Job. Inej was shown to actually argue and have disagreement with Kaz when he’s technically her boss. Can you imagine the Darkling doing that? CAN YOU?!

No. Because he's a pretentious ass. That's why.

This is a great example of the use “show not tell” of how Kaz despite his obvious edges has a soft spot shown through his relationship with Inej and Jesper, who have a friendly dynamic. I can attest that while Kaz didn’t create a good first impression, I love Jesper and Inej (they are precious!) so much that I project it to Kaz in extension.

On the other hand, Kirigan’s goodwill had only ever been told by outsiders or himself. None from his inner circle (which he doesn’t have!) other than his mother, who ended up outing him instead.

So I applaud the writers and showrunners of SaB to actually have subtext signs of a manipulative bastard. The Duckling is a good villain character that's complex but unredeemable. Sometimes, you just have a good ol' charming villain you can't redeem and that's okay.

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crashdevlin · 6 years

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Something More- Part Four

Author’s Note: *THERE IS NO WIFE-HATE HERE! I <3 Danneel Ackles. (it’s completely understandable how she acts)* This is a sequel to Open. READ THAT FIRST! Something More Masterlist

Summary: Reader is a no-name actor who has been lucky enough to land a role on her favorite show and a part in an anthology of Marvel Cinematic Shorts. Her star is on the rise, but the man who’s made her his mistress isn’t the only one noticing it.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Story Warnings: Open Marriage, mistress, breakups, angst, anger, jealousy, things get REALLY bad between Jensen and y/n…

Chapter Warnings: 18+ HERE BE SEX, DON’T READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!! fingering, Dom/Sub relationship, Tom is Dom, slight choking, controlling behavior (cause Tom is Dom), mentions of depression and depressive drinking,

The drive was much easier with Tom in the car, ratty black tee and threadbare jeans making him look ever so comfortable in the passenger seat. We spent the entire ride talking about family, about what he needed to expect from mine, from Connie, from Nova. Then we sang along with my Spotify playlist. Then his.

We pulled into the driveway of my parents’ house and I took a deep breath. “Are you all right?”

I bit my lip and nodded. “It's just… you know, last time I brought a guy home, it was Nate… and they hated him from the get.”

“Are you afraid they're going to hate me?”

“I'm sure they won't, but if they did… I would have to listen to them. Because Nate was such a disaster, right, that I could have avoided if I had just listened to them.”

“But Nate and Nova forced growth in you, catalyzed change. As did Jensen.”

I looked down. I hadn't seen Jensen, and had tried to keep him from my mind, since I dropped his key off at the set. At set was determined to be the safest place to see him. He'd taken the key without a word and I'd just nodded as I turned and walked away.

“Don't mention him to them. None of them know what was going on. Well, my mom accused me of having an emotional affair with him, because she noticed he called me every night after he got done shooting… which I guess isn’t completely wrong based on how he acted after I met you… but according to them, I haven’t had anybody since Nate, so…” I pushed the car door open and stepped out, Tom following as I walked toward the door, which slung open to reveal Nova. “Supernova!” I yelled, dropping to my knees so that she could run to me and jump into my arms.

“Mommy!” She screamed, knocking me over with the force of her jump. “I missed you!”

“Oh, I missed you, too, baby!” I stood, my arms wrapped around her, and turned to Tom. “Nova, this is Mommy's friend, Tom. Remember how I told you about him?”

“Yeah, he's your boyfriend.” Nova said, forcing a chuckle from Tom.

“She's very smart.”

“Yeah, well, I was a genius before I got dumbed down by laziness and depression. I mentioned I was reading and understanding Shakespeare at her age, right?”

“Well, Midsummer Night's Dream isn't exactly that hard to follow, is it?”

“Hey! Don't make me dump you when you came all this way to meet my parents.” I joked, before grabbing his hand and pulling him into the house. “Hey, y'all, I'm home!”

“Y/n!” My mom greeted, hugging me and Nova at the same time.

“This is Tom.” I reached up and patted his shoulder.

“Mrs. Y/l/n, it's an unabashed pleasure to meet you. Your daughter is a shining light of intelligence and beauty.”

The moment my mother fell in love with Tom was showcased by her blush. Okay, so nothing to worry about. “You really go for the tall ones, don't'cha?” My dad said as he entered the living room.

“Be nice. At least this one's a gentleman.” Mom scolded.

“In the streets, anyway.” I muttered, under my breath.

“So, you met on set?” My mom asked, ushering Tom to sit on the couch.

“You know we did.” I rolled my eyes. “Go ahead, Tom. You like telling this story so much.”

“Shall I alter it for your parents’ benefit?”

“Nah. They know I’m a dirty old woman. I’m sure they’d believe you if you told them I gave it up on the second date.” I said, walking up the stairs with Nova on my hip.

“I assumed that was something unique to our relationship.” I heard Tom muse.

“Oh, definitely. She’s generally just a dirty old lady in her writings.” My dad responded. I dropped Nova to her feet on the top step and ran back down to the living room.

“Tom doesn’t need to know about that, yet!”

Tom smiled up at me. “Your fanfictions? I know about them. Someone sent a link to your story about Loki to me the night I sang with you.”

“And you still want me? You don’t think I’m a weirdo?”

“Incredibly articulate and grammatically pleasing with a good grasp on the characterizations of Loki and Thor… I quite enjoyed it.”

I gaped at him for a minute. “You… you read it? Nobody else ever… I mean, you liked it?”

“It was very good. You seem incredibly concerned with maintaining the canon of the MCU while bringing in just enough information from the comic books to flesh out the story and remedy the perceived faults in the timeline.”

“I… thank you, Tom. That means a lot.”

“I’d love to read more of your writing sometime.” His eyes sparkled at me from across the room and I laughed, loudly.

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. Most of my stuff is Supernatural and a lot of it is reader-inserts for female readers, so…”

“You could let him read the first five chapters of your murder mystery.” Dad suggested.

“Oh, a murder mystery? Do you have it readily available?” Tom asked.

I blushed. “I guess I can get it for you.”

He followed me up to my bedroom and shut the door behind him. He smiled as he looked around the walls. “Well, the decor hasn’t been updated in quite a while, has it?”

“You know I didn’t expect to have to come back to live with my parents. The divorce just… took away my options. Didn’t want to spring for new decor when I couldn’t even afford my own place.” I pointed at the Green Day posters. “And Green Day rocks, so fuck you.”

He chuckled, his trademark ‘he-he-he’, eyes roaming down my body. He reached behind him and locked the door. “If you insist.” He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me backward onto my king bed, the one piece of furniture I fought to keep in the divorce. It was just a box spring and a mattress settled on the ground. When I was fat, I hated the sound of a bed frame groaning under my weight and I just never bought one after I lost the weight.

“Tom, we can’t.”

“Of course we can. The door’s locked. I can be quiet. Can’t you?”

“Yeah, but my parents are right downstairs and they, literally, just met you. Is this the first impression you want to give them?” I whispered as he pushed me onto the bed and covered my body with his.

“I’d think they’d want you with someone who can take care of all of your needs.” He responded, running his hands down my sides. “Besides, you said they know you're a dirty woman.”

“Yeah, but that's more metaph-fuck!” I whispered as his hand slipped into the front of my pants, long fingers easily finding and rubbing at my clit.

“I know you can be quieter than that, darling.” He whispered in my ear before starting to nibble and suck at my neck. “You don't really want me to stop, do you?”

“Yes… no.” I buried my hand in his hair and held him at the spot on my neck he usually doesn't give enough time to. “Fuck, right there.” He pulled my jeans down my legs, sliding down my body with them, biting at the inside of my thigh as he went. As I tried to hold in my moans, my eyes fell on another one of my posters: one with three men and ‘Join The Hunt’ on it. “Tom, stop.” I pulled his hair and pointed at the poster. “Jensen’s watching me.”

Tom scoffed and stood, ripping the poster from the wall. “Shouldn’t still have your ex-lover on your wall, anyway.” He grumbled at me since I was obviously offended by his treatment of my stuff.

“Yeah, but I’ve had that poster for years and you just-”

“Quiet.” He demanded, his voice low and resolute as his fingers hooked in my underwear and he pulled them down.

“Bossy.” I responded, breathlessly, as he sunk two fingers into me with no fanfare.

As he started to work his fingers in and out of me, he moved up my body and wrapped the fingers of his left hand around my neck, just hard enough to put pressure but not enough to hinder my breathing. “Sometimes, y/n, you seem like you need to be told what to do. I’m just giving you what you need.”

“Tom, I-”

His hand tightened, just slightly. “I said, ‘quiet’.” His voice made me shiver.

I nodded. I wasn’t sure what else to do. Sure, Tom was always passionate, especially in bed, and he’d always kind of controlled the situation, but this was different. This was Tom easing us into a Dom/sub relationship, which wasn’t something I’d ever wanted.

“If you’re good, y/n, if you keep quiet… I’ll let you cum. Do you want to cum?” He asked, after he’d been working me for about ten minutes. I nodded. “Words, darling. You can speak when I ask something of you.”

“Please.” I whined, and it kind of amazed me that I fell into that role so easily, following directions and eager to please.

He chuckled, letting his thumb just barely sweep across my clit. “‘Please’, what?”

“Please, make me cum.”

“Add a ‘sir’ to that sentence for good measure, Dear.”

“Please, make me cum, sir.” I breathed out.

“Go on, then.” He pressed his thumb down firmly and I saw stars. My body went rigid and I twitched and spasmed around his fingers, but I didn’t make noise. I was quiet. “Well, look. She doesn’t like being told what to do, but she’s very good at following directions. Get dressed. I’m going to wash my hands.”

I was leaning against the wall next to the door when he exited the bathroom. “What the hell was that?” I whispered.

“Something I thought we’d both enjoy. I was right, wasn’t I?”

“You can’t just spring Dom shit on a woman. What if I was a Dom?”

He chuckled. “You’re not.”

“That’s rude. I could be.”

“I’ll give it to you that you might be a switch if the circumstances were right, but you aren’t Dom, darling.” He cupped my cheek and smiled. “You, my dear, sweet y/n, were made to kneel.”

“Don’t Loki at me, you jerk.”

“Why not?” He pushed me harder into the wall. “Because we both know what it does to you?” I bit my lip and looked up into his eyes. He smirked. “See? Submissive.”

I pushed him back away from me, feeling irritated. “Oh, shut it.”

He chuckled. “Don’t feel bad. You come by it honestly. Your mum’s one, too.”

“Excuse me? How could you possibly know that?” Okay, he wasn’t wrong. I’ve known my parents were D/s since I found the ball-gag and paddle in their closet, but it baffled me that he figured it out so quick.

“Her choker, which says ‘Doll’, I believe. Don’t worry. I won’t make you wear one.”

I rolled my eyes. “Come on, Tom. You know I wouldn’t wear anything I didn’t want to.”

“But you’d want to if I gave it to you, wouldn’t you?” He smiled. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.”

I sighed. “Yeah, I know that. Fine, but… we have to have a talk about what I’m okay with… establish safe words and whatnot.”

“Tonight. For now, I’d like to take you and Nova to lunch.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'd been home, chilling with Tom and Nova and my parents, for a few weeks when a fan sent me a link on Twitter to a tumblr post titled 'A theory that's gonna get me a lot of hate: Jensen Ackles cheated on his wife.'

I clung to the word 'theory' as I started to read.

'I know people are gonna give me shit about this and I kinda feel like a tin-hat by saying it, but I think it's different because it seems like the tin-hats want what they're saying to be true and I hope I'm wrong. But let's check the receipts, okay?

A year and a few months ago, y/f/n y/l/n joined the show. An incredibly attractive young actress who is a documented Jensen stan (About 24:30 on this video, where she talks about almost passing out the first time she met him). That is the story of a woman who'd sell her soul to a demon for a single night with the man she's describing, but somehow they ended up friends?

Okay. We might be able to chalk that up to Jensen's welcoming nature, I guess, but it's kinda weird that Jared and Jensen don't hang out with their other friends like they did with y/n. Even with misha, we don't get a lot of pictures of them hanging out off-set or away from conventions. She partied with them, hung out on set even on days she didn’t need to be there, ate lunch or dinner with them every freaking day, ran lines in Jensen's trailer (this video where she talks about running lines). I'm gonna call this 'The Buttering-up' stage. Jensen knew she had terrible self-esteem (about 34:10 into this video) and he had to get her comfy around him before he came onto her, or she'd never believe it.

I think it probably started right before or right after JaxCon, 'cause that's when she moved into his apartment in Vancouver. (this clip from SeaCon). Come on! They were roommates! (cue tumblr echo: They were roommates!) and over the next eight months we were treated to pictures like this: Standing way too close together to be innocent, inappropriate skin contact, is that his hand on her ass while they're singing 'Hotel California'? I think it is! Is that his hand on her thigh in this steakhouse in Vancouver? Looks like it, to me. Oh, and this scene from the season 13 blu-ray extras. Check the background. I can't be the only one who sees how sexually aggressive that stance is. That's a stance that screams, 'I'm gonna fuck you 'til you can't walk straight'. If this were a sexual harassment seminar, that'd be the 'what not to do' with your way younger coworker who idolizes you and whom you have the power to get fired. This stance is a 'Me Too Movement' no-no.

Eight months of that shit, then nothing. Since AtlCon, since y/n's birthday, they've all but ignored each other. No fun back-and-forths on Twitter, no lunches where they sit too close together, no singing together at Saturday Night Special... hell, she's been put down as 'Friday/Saturday only' for the next several cons and she was seen loading all of her stuff up into a storage pod a couple weeks after her birthday. Their 'friendship' seems to be dead.

So, what happened? Tom Hiddleston happened. I know y/n says they're just friends, but she sang that duet with him, and you could totally tell there was attraction there. And not a half an hour later, several volunteers and vendors take to Twitter to say y/n and Jensen were fighting. One said he heard Jensen say, "I love you. You know that." Then, she forgoes her normal Reba or Heart song to sing Sugarland's 'Stay' for the SNS. For those that don't know, that's a song about the other woman ending an affair because she deserves more out of life. Coincidence? Maybe.

Maybe this is all bullshit and my brain's making patterns where there are none. But maybe Jensen's a human being who doesn't get to see his wife very often and he did something stupid. Maybe y/n was just as lonely, if not more so (I mean, she has been divorced for years and has said that she hasn't had so much as a boyfriend since her divorce). Maybe she couldn't say no to Jensen fucking Ackles, because who the fuck could? Maybe they had an affair that ended when she met Tom Hiddleston. Maybe that's why it seems like they haven't spoken in two months.

Or maybe they're still good friends and her work with Marvel is keeping her too busy to hang. Maybe they were never as good of friends as they made it seem. Maybe I’m just completely wrong about all of this, but look at it. It makes sense.

I read over it, looked at all of the pictures, my heart pounding in my chest. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I sent the link to Jared with a half dozen exclamation points. Twenty minutes of pacing in my parents’ kitchen later, Jared called. “That’s crazy.”

“That’s all you’ve got to say to me? ‘That’s crazy’?”

Jared chuckled in my ear. “Y/n, she’s got nothin’ but fuckin’ theories. She has no evidence. All of her pictures are blurry. It’s conjecture.”

“But she’s right! How could she be so fucking right?”

“‘Cause some of our fans are really fucking smart, y/n, and they’ve got active and creative imaginations. I mean, you’ve read the fanfictions… you’ve written the fanfictions. Jensen says not to worry about it.”

I bit my lip and sighed, thinking about Jensen’s reaction to it. “How is he?” I couldn’t help but ask.

There was a moment of silence before he sighed. “He misses you. He seems kinda depressed.” I took a deep breath to stave off the feeling of guilt. “He’s drinking a lot… and for a guy who owns a fucking brewery, a lot is… a lot.”

“You have to stop him, Jare. You need to-”

“Don’t act like I’m not the one here trying to help him, y/n. I am. I have been trying to help him, but he’s… he’s been resistant. Which, you know, isn’t your fault, but-”

“I know you’re there for him, Jared, it’s just… maybe he needs a break. Maybe you could talk to Dabb for him. Maybe they could give him a few weeks. Or maybe...” I rolled my eyes. “You know how he gets when he doesn’t have any stress relief. He probably just needs to get laid. Help him find a new one.”

“A new you?”

“Yeah. A new mistress. Someone pretty.” I looked down. “Prettier than me. Pretty like Danneel.”

“It's not that easy, y/n. He can't just find someone to replace you. Do you realize how long it took to find someone he was attracted to that his wife approved of? Someone who would work to keep it under wraps, who'd freak out if a fan started rumors? You were a fuckin’ unicorn for him. There’s not gonna be another you.” I shook my head. That really wasn’t what I wanted to hear. “And, look, I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I understand why you had to leave, but… you’re irreplaceable and Jensen’s just gonna have to deal with it.”

“Yeah. Okay. Look, I gotta go. If Jensen’s not worried about it… if you think I shouldn’t be worried, then I won’t worry. Give my love to Gen and the kids.”

“Hey.” Jared’s voice made me stall my hang-up procedure.

“Yeah?”

“I miss you, too, ya know? You should call me more often.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I will. And you’ll see me in a few weeks. I got a few shooting days before my Marvel press tour, and after that I’m gonna be back in VanCity.”

“Can’t wait to see ya, y/n.”

“Try to get Jensen okay before I get there. Please?”

“I’m tryin’.”

“All right. See ya, Jare.”

“See ya.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days later, I walked into the house after having made a trip to the Wal-mart up the street. "Us Weekly thinks I'm stalking you." I said, making a beeline for the table, where Tom sat with a cup of tea and his newest script. I dropped the Walmart bags on the table and took the seat next to him.

"Oh, do they?"

"Yeah. Apparently, we're always at the same places because I'm obsessed with you and you're too polite to tell me to fuck off."

"Well, they're half right. You are obsessed with me." He smirked as he set his script down and picked up the teacup. "We wouldn't have this problem if you'd let me make the announcement."

I shook my head. "I told you, Tom, your fans scare me. Besides, both of our last relationships were spectacular failures. This way, if something goes wrong, we don't have to deal with-"

"What could go wrong?"

"You could walk." I said, looking away from him.

"You think I'm going to leave you, like Nate did." He said, setting the teacup on the table and looking across at me.

I felt small under his gaze and swallowed. "Like every other person I've ever dated." I stood and grabbed the bags. "If we don't tell anybody that we're dating, then I don't have to deal with the pity when it ends. I don't have to be the woman who chased away Tom Hiddleston."

There was a moment of silence before he picked up his script again. "I understand.” He said, in a voice that said he didn’t understand.

“Tom.”

“You have a parent-teacher conference to attend, don’t you?” He reminded me, coldly.

“Yeah.” I leaned forward. “Are you mad at me?”

His eyes flashed to mine. “You’d know if your master were mad, wouldn’t you, Dear?” He asked, voice low, using my sub name. Exactly.

“Yes, sir.”

“Then, go to your meeting.” He ordered. I nodded, standing. “Do not touch your ex-husband.”

“Yes, sir.” I wasn’t planning to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I turned my phone back on after the parent-teacher conference, my Twitter app had so many notifications it just said ‘99+’. Facebook Mentions was the same. The source? A status update to Tom's seldom-updated Facebook page. My mouth went dry as I read his words.

'6 months ago saw a rewrite to the Marvel Cinematic Shorts Anthology script, which brought a new minor character. Kevin Feige knew who he wanted in the role before the script was even done being altered; a relatively unknown actress with a single acting credit to her name- y/f/n y/l/n. I was immediately drawn to the woman and asked her for drinks before we'd finished in Hair and Makeup the morning I met her. I'd fallen in love before the week was out. Y/n is a private woman, not used to being so in the public eye, so I acceded to her request for discretion, portraying myself as her friend whenever someone might be looking. I tried to convince her several times that we should go public over the past 2 months and she dismissed each attempt. This morning I discovered the reason. She's expecting I will leave. She doesn't want anyone profiting on her heartbreak or to give them a reason to judge or, worse, pity her. But I'm not planning to leave. I have no desire to be another on her short list of past relationships. I've resisted the urge to shout the truth of my heart from the rooftops, but no longer. I'm in love with this sweet Southern woman and leaving her is not an option for my heart.'

Accompanying the status was a picture Tom took in his room at the Ritz; me, in just panties and his ratty black t-shirt (which came to my mid-thigh), looking out the bedroom window at the lights of downtown Atlanta. It was one of his favorite pictures of me, which he'd taken the Sunday after ATLcon.

I didn't go through too many of the comments, but the few I looked at were positive notes congratulating Tom on his happiness. A few said, "Who wouldn't want the world to know they were dating Tom?" and then came the SPN Family with, "She's a divorced Mom who probably doesn't want the media to descend upon her private life like the vultures they are. Also, she probably doesn't feel like she deserves him." and links to con videos where I talk about being fat, depressed, having low self-esteem and the toxic relationship I had with Nate.

When I switched to Twitter, the story was different. Most of the mentions were something along the lines of '@taylorswift13 have u heard about @twhiddleston and @y/l/n_y/n?' Taylor responded with, 'Uh, excuse me, but #whothehellisy/l/n_y/n?' The Swifties ran with the hashtag and 'whothehellisy/l/n_y/n' was trending by the time I got to Twitter. I responded with '@taylorswift13 Big Fan since 'Tim McGraw'. I'm an actor no one's heard of. If i catch the meaning behind your tag, you want to know 1/2' then I replied to it. 'How an absolute nobody ended up with a man who used to be yours. Honestly, I'm just as lost as you are. #sonotworthy. 2/2'

I was hoping that a modest and non-confrontational response was the best way to go. I got in my car and drove home, seething. When I walked into the house, I slammed the door behind me. Tom walked into the living room as I dropped my purse and jacket on the couch. He was dressed in my favorite dark grey suit and had his hair the way I like. Trying to minimize my anger through looking like a damn dream. "I'm so sorry." He said.

"You just flipped my life on its end and all you have to say to me is 'sorry'?"

"I understand how livid you must be, y/n, but-"

"'Livid' isn't even a strong enough word, Tom, but I'm so ticked off that I can't think of a stronger one! My name is trending on Twitter, I've had more Mentions in the past hour than I have since joining the site, your fans are probably plotting my death as we speak, a picture that you took in an intimate setting is now forever on the internet and Taylor Swift followed me just so that she could DM me. She's delightful, by the way, wants to have drinks next time I'm in Nashville. Oh, and there wasn't any kind of upset at the White House or a police shooting or terror attack today, so guess what the late night talk shows are gonna be monloguein' 'bout? Thank God you posted that status early enough for them to get in on this!"

He sighed. "I suppose it was a very dramatic and public way to go about it, but it was best to get it done, get it out of the way and move on. I’m just trying to do what’s best for you. Sometimes, you need that. Dear.” The word made me want to slip into that sub persona, but I fought it. He doesn’t get to do the voice and look at me with those stupid blue eyes and then everything’s okay. “We'll be a hot topic for a few weeks and then, people won't care until there's a ring on your finger."

"Don't talk about getting married when I'm still so angry with you!" I paced in front of him, angrily. "You completely disregarded my wishes. We talked about it for months and I never wanted people to know, what would make you-"

He grabbed my arm as I paced, stopping me in front of him. "I couldn't stand it, anymore. I love you and I can't pretend I don't, any longer. I want people to ask me 'Why her?' so I can tell them every single thing I adore about you. I want to fly you and Nova to London for a long weekend and hold the hands of my two favorite girls as we walk down Oxford Street and I buy you whatever your heart desires. I couldn't keep this to myself, anymore, especially after finding out that you only wanted it secret so that it'd be easier for me to leave you." He ran his hands down my arms. "I'm not leaving."

"Fuck." I looked up into his eyes. "You suck."

He smiled. "You love me."

"You better be glad I do. I wouldn't tolerate this shit if I didn't."

"I'm ecstatic to be recipient of your love." He said, leaning down to kiss me. I pulled away and grabbed the remote from the coffee table. "What are you doing?"

"I'm setting the DVR to record Conan, Colbert, Fallon, Kimmel and Corden. They're gonna be talking about me and I wanna see what they say."

"You don't need to-"

I put my hand up as he spoke. "I deserve to know, Tom. Don't argue with me on this."

"All right. Once you've set that up, will you please come have a cuppa with me?"

"You can make me a cup of vanilla chamomile with honey. I'll be in there in a minute."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kimmel had poked fun at me, like I'd assumed he would. I'm a witch, so I must've cast a spell on him, according to the first Jimmy. Fallon was a bit nicer, mostly just questioning who the heck I am. Colbert said he liked a mystery and was excited that I was part of the MCU Cinematic Shorts promotional tour coming through next week. Conan was more interested in Taylor's hashtag and my humble response, what I must've said in the DMs to get her to retract her dismissive attitude.

But Corden, oh James fucking Corden... Were I not already a fan, his mono would have made me one. "World War III didn't start today, North Korea hasn't bombed us, yet, and there weren't any resignations from the White House, so we get to discuss something far more important than any of that: Tom Hiddleston and his new girlfriend." The audience laughed. "Now, you might have noticed that the hashtag 'whothehellisy/l/n_y/n' was trending on Twitter most of the day and that was in response to Tom Hiddleston's declaration of love on Facebook. A lot of people, Tom's ex Taylor Swift included, have never heard of the young woman who's playing opposite him in the next Marvel movie. We at The Late Late Show are on fairly late, though, so we had more time before shooting to look into the question of 'who the hell is y/l/n y/n?'. Y/l/n_y/n is the Twitter handle of this woman, y/f/n y/l/n." He held up a picture of me, a headshot that I had taken by Stardust & Melancholy. "She's 29 years old, a divorced single mother who has only two acting credits on her Internet Movie Database page. She has a small but loyal fanbase made up of people who watch the show she was on: Supernatural. She's spoken, at length, about her marriage and her poor self esteem and she's just..." He dropped the picture to the stage.

"I don't have jokes. Y/f/n is so certain that Tom is going to leave her that she didn't want people to even know that she was dating him. She's certain that she's not good enough, not perfect enough, and that's why he told the world but I've been the chubby kid on this playground we call 'Hollywood' and I have doubted many good things that happened to me because this society has told me that good things would never happen to me. Miss y/l/n has captured the attention of one of Britain's best, a man so at home in a Shakespearean tragedy that I thought he actually was King Henry when I met him. You deserve the good, Miss y/l/n. You deserve the happiness. And I deserve an invite to the wedding."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Tom asked, cuddling into my back wrapping his arms around me.

"No, but you do know that there's going to be paparazzi here in a couple days, right? Like, all over the place."

"Yes. Perhaps we should get one of the rentals on the beach. Better security."

"We'd have to drive Nova to school in the morning."

"I think it'd be better."

"Yeah, but I think it'd be a waste. You want a condo? Research, do it right. Get a good one. I mean, I'm going to Vancouver in two days to shoot, then we're going on the press tour for the movie. We've got time to find a good condo, maybe on the Island, maybe Destin. There's some good places in Navarre and Bluewater. Gulf Breeze. Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked as he rolled on top of me and stared down at me.

"I love you." He said, simply.

"I love you, too." I responded.

"You're making plans. A place that's ours, here."

"And in London." I whispered. "I know that's where you'd prefer. Your theatres are there."

"But Nate would never allow you to move Nova across the Atlantic."

"Hence, a condo here and a place in London. We'll just have to figure it out as we go along."

"I'd like nothing more."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tom and I went to the airport together. He was flying back to London, I was flying to Vancouver. We’d meet in New York for our Late Show appearance in a week. He handed me a box when we got to the airport. I opened it to reveal a bracelet, a simple thick band made of leather with ‘TOM’S’ stamped into it. “You can wear it upside-down, if you want. As long as you know what it means.” I stared down at it for a moment and he plucked it out of the box. “I told you I wouldn’t make you wear a choker, Dear, but I want you to remember… while you’re away from me… who you belong to.”

“You think, ‘cause I’m away from you…”

“I think you’re going to be in the same building as Jensen and I want you to have a reminder on your wrist of who you are. My Dear. Mine.” His long fingers attached the leather band upside-down on my wrist. “Don’t take it off unless you have to for a scene and if you do have to remove it, you put it right back on afterward. Do you understand?”

I nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Good girl.” He whispered, pushing his hand into my hair and pulling me into a deep kiss. I could hear camera shutters across the way but I tried to ignore it. That was going to be a part of my life for the rest of my career and relationship. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Call me when you land?”

“Of course.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vancouver seemed like a different place when I got there. It was like I was a visitor in my own home. People were staring at me, I felt uncomfortable, I just wanted to go back to where it was safe in Tom’s arms.

Jared rushed to Hair and Makeup when he heard I was on the lot. “Hey! You’re here!”

His happy face and warm eyes washed away some of my discomfort. “Yeah. A couple days of Second Unit stuff before I go on promo tour for Marvel.”

“Well, it’s good to have you back, even for a couple days.” He smirked. “So, that Facebook post, huh?”

I rolled my eyes, picking at the metal fastener on my bracelet. “He thought it was the best thing to do.”

“But obviously, you don’t agree.” Jared said, dropping into the empty chair next to me.

“Well, I don’t always make the best decisions, you know. Tom is better at that stuff.”

“I don’t know. I thought you were doing pretty fuckin’ good with decisions over the last couple years. I mean, you were making your life better.”

“Also making it worse… and certain other peoples’ lives.” I shrugged. “Sometimes I just need to have someone help me figure out what to do.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Jared seemed skeptical of my words. Well, they were actually Tom’s words, but whatever. “Hey, you should come to dinner with me tonight. You’re only in town for a couple days. I haven’t gotten to see you in a couple months. We gotta catch up.”

I nodded. “Okay. As long as… as long as it’s just the two of us.”

“Uh, yeah. Jensen’ll understand.” Jared said, standing. “Gotta go. I’ll text when I’m ready to get food.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner was actually a very, very late drink and some bar grub at Black Bear Pub. “So, what’s he like, huh?”

“Tom?”

“Yeah, Tom. He, like, fuckin’ swept in and stole you away so he’s gotta be really fuckin’ amazing, right?”

“He didn’t steal me away, J-pad. Come on.”

“Kinda did, y/n. And I’m not even talking about him stealing you from Jensen. I’m talking… how much time have you spent with the Wayward Women lately? How much time have you spent with anyone other than Tom?”

I shrugged. “You remember how the honeymoon phase goes.”

“Well, I miss you. Kim and Bri and Rob and Rich, they miss you, too.”

“They see me more than you do.”

“They say you’re not really there when you’re there.”

I picked at the bracelet again. “I’ve just had a lot on my mind, you know. Between what happened with Jensen and fighting Nate for custody and trying to hide my relationship and recently dealing with the aftermath of his Facebook bullshit… I’ve just got a lot going on.” I picked up my drink and took a sip.

Jared watched my face for a few moments. “But you are happy, though… right?”

I smiled. “Yeah. I am. He’s a great guy. He’s incredibly intelligent, attractive, and nice. He wants… everything for me. He’s helping me with my career. He’s helping me get out of my parents’ house. I mean…” I looked down, rubbing my fingers over the bracelet. “It’s not just about what he’s doing for me. He makes me feel like everything’s gonna be okay, like I’m gonna be okay. He’s this incredibly calming force. He makes me feel safe just by being around me. Everything’s controlled with him. Even the chaos is controlled chaos.”

Jared nodded. “Okay. Long as you’re happy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I got to the hotel in New York, Tom greeted me in the lobby. Cameras went off outside the door as he wrapped his arms around me, but they weren’t allowed in the building. “I’ve already checked us in. Let’s go up to the room.”

“Okay.”

He picked up my bag and we headed to the elevators. “So, how was Vancouver?”

“It was good. It was weird, but good.”

“And did you see any of your old friends?” His tone was clipped. He was trying to sound conversational, but he was definitely asking if I’d seen Jensen and he was already teetering on upset at the thought that I might have.

“Just Jared. He took me to get a drink.” I hit the call button for the elevator and turned to look up at him. “Jensen was shooting on location with Samantha this week so he was easy to avoid.”

Tom smiled, brightly. “And how are you liking your bracelet?” He asked, taking my hand in his and sliding the sleeve of my jacket down my arm. He smiled to see it still on my wrist. “Did you have to take it off, at all?”

“Yeah. For work. Tara wears rose quartz beads on her wrist. I smoothed it out and tucked it in my bra, though, when I couldn’t wear it. Figured it still served its purpose of reminding me if it were next to my heart.”

“And you put it right back on your wrist as soon as you were done?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good girl.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Getting out of the back of the Town Car with Tom's hand in mine was new and it was nice until one of the women in the crowd outside of Ed Sullivan Theater with Tom's face on her t-shirt shouted out that 'the piggy should just up and die!'. Tom wrapped his arms around me and refused to sign anything for anyone in the crowd. I heard from security a few minutes later that they had to break up a fight because the woman was being assaulted for causing everyone else to lose their interaction with Tom. Tom was soothing me when we entered the green room. Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackey stopped talking when we walked in. "Sebastian! Anthony! Good to see you!"

"Don't think we didn't notice you hijacked our press tour with your Facebook Romeo bullshit." Mackey said, sitting up to grasp Tom's hand.

"If he's Romeo, that makes me Juliet. I don't wanna be Juliet. She's a whiny little teenager. Can I be Mercutio?"

"Only if I can be Tybalt." Sebastian answered, reaching his hand out to shake mine.

"You wanna kill me, already? We just met." I joked.

"Hey!" Anthony slapped Sebastian's shoulder. "I thought we were reserving judgment, man. That is not your 'reserving judgment' face."

"What? She's funny."

"That means a lot, coming from you. I am a big fan."

"Yeah?"

"Definitely. I mean, I watched 'I, Tonya' and I give zero fucks about Tonya Harding. Also, Political Animals, even though it caused fights between me and my mom." I turned to Mackey. "And, of course, 'Detroit' was amazing!"

"You saw it?"

"Oh, yeah. It was super informative. No one ever thought to explain to me why the Detroit riots happened."

"Well, if it gets folks talking..."

"Yeah, definitely. ‘course, it's harder to talk to some folks than others. My mom is one of those folks who thinks that just because she didn't realize there was a race issue when she was growing up in Compton in the 70s, that means it didn't exist."

"Oh, so she didn't know there was a race issue 'cause she's a bigot?" Anthony concluded.

I nodded. "Yeah, pretty much. Two California-raised conservatives who voted for McCain and Trump ended up raising a trio of Liberal-leaning Independents who voted for Obama and Clinton. They're so confused."

"Must be a hard household to live in." Sebastian commented.

"Definitely. One I still live in, unfortunately. Had to move back after the divorce ‘cause I didn’t have any money and now, just haven't had the time since I got the money."

"We're working on that." Tom cut in, with a sigh.

"Tom gets so uncomfortable when my mom and I start in on each other about politics." I said, with a smile. "He's so non-confrontational about things like that."

"Yeah, he's British, what do you expect?" Sebastian said.

"I don't really get that. You know the Brits kinda ruled the world through conquest and confrontation for hundreds of years, right?"

"Oh, she's pullin' out history!" Mackey responded.

"I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but once the Queen gave up power to Parliament, that's when the whole super-polite, non-confrontational thing got its legs. I, however, know that there are confrontational Brits. I’ve had a bunch of women spewing hate at me since Tom’s little announcement."

"Wow." Sebastian said.

"Yeah, Tom’s fans are not… not happy with me. Anyway..." I leaned against Tom and he wrapped his arms around me. "I know Colbert is gonna want us to talk about us but I will redirect the conversation as fast as possible."

"Sounds good." Anthony said, nodding.

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