#hot mess of a man.

[pettyprocrastination]

Leon: *has constant flings with nobles and concubines, attends countless orgies and parties that are nothing but hedonistic fests of luxury*  Also Leon when his wife is too busy to notice his new gold embroidered robe: I SHALL FLING MYSELF FROM THE ROOFTOPS THIS IS THE EPITOME OF TORTURE I CAN’T SURVIVE LIKE THIS 

#tj talks #leon tag #hes such a petty little bitch if you give him the silent treatment he WILL throw a fit and get mean and explosive #and then go all quiet and get on his knees and beg for your forgiveness while pushing his face into your skirts #hot mess of a man.

[theaxolotlkween]

Reasons why Jon Archivist is truly a character of all time:

Had the police called on him several times when he was a young child

Keeps his rib and the ashes of the season one antagonist next to his stationary drawer

Promised he wouldn’t get lost in tunnels and then immediately got lost in aforementioned tunnels

Has no clue what a joke is

Learned how remarkably easy it is to buy an ax in central London

Had to have two separate interventions

Told people his place of employment before traumatising them for life

The first character he ever said ‘I love you’ to is a cat

Allegedly participated in amdram

Watches documentaries and collects some kind of weird shit (my headcanon is Soviet Union postcards) when he’s not being a paranoid mess

Canonically looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks

Knows nothing about library science

Fell head over heels for a man that he hated until he learned he lied on his resumé

Has been referred to as Jesus or Jesus-adjacent at least twice

Asexual icon

Knows what a meme is and said “LOL” in the first episode

Rode on a merry-go-round sometime during his university days because he was in a weird place emotionally

Died for our Jonathan Sins

Is probably a computer now playing minesweeper with his boyfriend and evil 200+ year old boss

#i just love how much of a hot mess this sad little wet cat of a man is #jonathan sims #jon sims #the archivist #the magnus archives #tma #tma spoilers #tmagp #the magnus protocol #the magnus protocol spoilers

[ghouljams]

"We can start trying after dinner." Why do I have a feeling one of two things are going to happen. One bee ain't gonna be out of bed for the next 5-6 weeks or two Bee's gonna to be heavily indulging in König's free use kink. No room, structure, or area will be safe from the beast and I don't think Bee will complain. If the animals could talk they'd simply say run to whoever is unlucky to pass by. Good thing their farms are so far from everyone.

-Hot mess rambler

When König said after dinner he meant after dinner. Pushed against the sink as he tugs your pants down, shuddering and moaning as he bullies his cock into you, after dinner. You don't even get the water turned on, you put the dishes in the sink and he bends you over. His big hands pull your hips up to meet his, and he leans over you so you can feel his weight as he fucks you nice and deep. Maybe König pulls his shirt up enough that you can feel the softness you're created, the press of his stomach against your back, the dark thick hair that covers him and tickles your skin. It's dirty and efficient and he keeps you there, fucks his come back into you and murmurs in your ear about trying until it takes.

You have 20 minutes to clean up, working within his refraction time before you're bent over the next nearest surface and fucked full again. There's absolutely no area of the farmhouse you wouldn't get fucked on/in/over while König indulges not just his free use kink, but his breeding kink too. Although, is it really a kink or is it just what's happening? He's breeding you. He doesn't need 5-6 weeks, König is keeping you stuffed full of his potent come and if you don't miss your next period it will be an act of god.

You cannot escape this man. It's a miracle that you don't get caught by anyone driving past your farm when König catches you during chores, fucking you into the grass, mounting you like an animal. Fuck he'd smack your ass when he's done, tell you to clean up and get back to work. Walking around with wobbly legs and his come dripping out of you... Mmm, You sure feel like a farmer's wife during these few weeks.

#ghoul speaks #könig x reader #könig cod #könig mw2 #könig call of duty #cod x reader #x reader #x oc #cod x oc #oc: bee #cowboy!König #könig x f!reader #f!reader #cowboy au #Bee has to take some days off work just because she cannot escape this man #hot mess rambler anon

[yuki119]

i HATE how adorable u draw Kakashi… with his stupid little wispy hair

I'm breaking my silence and admitting I just draw him with a mullet 😔

#i appreciate it!! #i love drawing this hot mess of a man!! #my art #kakashi hatake #naruto #ask #yuki119 ask/ #anonymous

[vinca-majors]

don john + text posts [3]

#much ado about nothing #don john #keanu reeves #shakespeare #hero x don john #much ado about nothing 1993 #me listening to sleeping at last's chillest music: let's make some text posts about this hot mess of a man #edit: mine #part 3/3

[sockysblog]

I need every single tumblr user thirsting after Miguel O’Hara to know that this man, in canon, decorated his apartment with one single lawn chair and that was it

#miguel o'hara #across the spiderverse #spider man: across the spider verse #just saying #for the romantic records out there #this man is a hot mess

[arcanefox207]

The only big game in town is Pedro content. Eat up!

Pedro Pascal from the SAG-AFTRA Career Retrospective (Part 2/2)

Comments/Reblogs are soooo so soo appreciated. Thank you every single one of you for your love and support <3

[Part 1] [PART 2]

Have requests? Shoot me a message!

Love to my sluts @magpiepillsjunior @redhotkitchen @sparklefarts38 @exquisiteserotonin @pink-whiskey-woman @youandmeand5bucks @legendary-pink-dot @morallyinept @for-a-longlongtime @secretelephanttattoo

#that self soothing behavior is too much and poor pedro but also im gonna peek it #pedro pascal #pascalispunk #sag-aftra #gifset #pedro pascal reaction gifs #its the fucking mandalorian #pedro pascal > super bowl #this man is a menace #love when he is looking like a nerdy hot mess

[hiranospiercing]

KAGIURA AND HIS QUEERNESS HAVE SUCH AN ADORABLE RELATIONSHIP, it's not as grandiose as his love for hirano but it is subtle, it's something he casually mentions, it's just a little comment, "hirano-san your shoulder is so bony," that is followed by hirano admitting it how it's not something surprising after all he is a boy, and kagiura just smiles because he knows, he knows that the person he is smitten with is a man with bony shoulders and that's what he has found comfort in, he treasures his queerness just as much he treasures hirano, AH I WILL TEAR UP

#hirano to kagiura #this chapter was wild #iam just man i cant spell #the adrenaline is too high as of now #hirano is such a hot mess this chapter

[lilbitofmac]

The sorcerer feels a cold chill run down his spine…

#ironstrange #doctor strange #tony stark #stephen strange #iron man #marvel #mcu #my art #mmm I haven’t drawn this AU in a hot minute #I miss these boys #most of the time I like to think of ghost!Tony messing around with Stephen with little pranks #but other times I can’t help but wonder how Tony would feel being spiritually attached to the man who put them on the path to his death… #these two just have such beautiful angst material between themselves #also sorry for the messiness of this piece I wasn’t trying too hard with the sketch and line art

[bamboozled-distress]

Alfred ready to fuck up nightwings kneecaps so that he can’t leave till hes healed properly is probably one of the only good things that came out from war games 😭 and this is probably the most in character thing that’s come from anyone in the entire event

#man with all the shit that nightwing was going through in the entire event im glad someone is taking care of him #jesus christ im so happy I finished reading war games it was a hot mess omg #I genuinely don’t think it’s capable for dc to write an event in Gotham that isn’t absolute trash #alfred pennyworth #nightwing #dick grayson #war games #batman #dc #the batfam!!!! #laz.exe #batman 633 #the batfamily #laz reads things

[lunargrapejuice]

any Artem thoughts you have i would love to hear 🎤 the best boy ever needs some attention hehe

oh my dear beloved gray i have so many artem thoughts hehe 🩷🩷🩷🩷

here are a few - minors you better stop reading now thanks 😛

ive been very in my clit kisser artem vibes, it’s been on my mind all day! just how sweet & so fucking hot he is between your legs, not yet taking your panties off & sickly tender as he’s kissing your pussy through the soaking fabric but ahhhh he looks like pure lustful sin, azure eyes endless & full of desire, his chest & back rising & falling with every deep breath he takes of you, his messy hair that tickles your legs, the huge bulge in his pants when he sits up to slide your panties off your legs before leaning in to kiss your clit that’s been aching for more of him he’s so good at it too😭

& while im on the subject of his huge bulge idk maybe it’s just me but this man is packing ??? & he’s the type that he doesn’t realize he’s that big & is to fucking cute & flustered & hard when you try to tell him aaaa okay okay ive got more he’s been on my mind so much & you are my only artem friend to even share these thoughts with & im sorry these are all horny

im sorry but i will just never get over how much artem loves your thighs. the way your stockings squish the tops of them when you’re dressed up or the peak of them he gets when you sit passenger in his car & your skirt rides up a little (something he very gentlemanly fixes for you like he’s not trying to stop himself from being half hard at something so small). having them around his head (did i mention how much he loves going down on you??)

sex in his movie theater room, the lights of the screen at your back making you look like some kind of angel calling his name as you ride him & he holds your hips, maybe trying to slow you down? maybe pulling you down harder? a bit of both? hehe though he looks plenty heavenly too with his head leaning back, pretty pink lips parted, sweat glistening on his chest, the bob of his throat ajdkdkdkdk

#okay I am dead #ascended #left to boil into a hot mess & I did it to myself #thank you for letting me just go off I love this man #& more importantly I love you gray<3 #i hope you enjoyed heheh #im gonna go pretend like I’m normal about him now #she said like a lying liar #🌙asks #lovely moots <3 #artem wing x reader #artem #artem x reader

[taviokapudding]

Simon Petrikov has always been a GILF and before the crown took over his mind, I think we can all agree long white haired - not ice king yet Simon was kinda hot before the madness set in

Now that I have your attention - hear me out AT fandom- what if Ice Prince in Fionna’s dreams is what Simon/Ice King thought he was throughout the original Adventure Time series?

I always thought Ice King having extremely high self confidence was just a gag or joke before we learned about who Simon was- but there’s tons of instances where he declares he’s hot & doesn’t mind showing off his body in the original. And with the canon 12 yr time skip, we know now everything about Fionna & Cake’s AU and Ice King’s actions to form the AU was based off the madness of the crown playing into Simon’s wish fulfillment, trauma, & life; but also a form of escapism from his reality as a lonely man in a world he cannot relate too.

In the original & first appearance of the AU Ice Queen is H O T {and I’m not just saying that as a pansexual} she is leagues more attractive than how Ice King was and I would argue looks more like what I think Betty would look like if she wore the crown. She’s wish fulfillment but being heavily crown coded explains why she’s no longer Simon’s mind/Fionna’s dreams.

But Ice Prince? That is way more Simon coded than crown & also doesn’t match any of the male background characters we do see in episode 1. What if that’s not just Simon wishing he could be more like Ice King but instead what he actually thought he looked like the whole time the crown controlled him for all those centuries? That would explain why Ice King was so shameless but also partially explain why Simon mentions in ep 2 of Fionna and Cake that he both misses but hates what Ice King looked like.

Yes it’s a Tuxedo Mask reference & an obvious sign Simon still has some magic powers, but you cannot deny that if Simon wanted to dress as Ice King he’d probably go a more Ice Prince style to line up with how he currently dresses. If the AU remained the AU that was all originally knew, Ice Queen would’ve been some evil Sailor Scout or Queen Beryl coded character to Fionna Campbell; Ice Prince wouldn’t be a thing if it was just an alternate universe. And that tall glass of frosty water is definitely what Simon wished he looked like {honestly me too, Ice Prince is so gender}

EDIT: Btw in ep 2 of Fionna and Cake, Ice Queen is seen as the icecream vendor and she looks nothing like Simon but way more like a cross between the Gunther penguins and crown. And yes I know Fionna “dates” Ice King in the original au - my point still stands that it’s still what Simon wanted/thought he looked like with the crown on. Fionna Campbell would be into a very blue robes & wacky eyebrows Ice Prince and Ice Queen wouldn’t be just an icecream vendor who’s nice to kids if the crown had influence still

#mun post #simon petrikov #fionna campbell #fionna and cake spoilers #spoiler #spoilers #fionna and cake #adventure time #ice prince is going to live rent free in the unattainable white haired men I’d s #-mash list because daaaaaaaaaaamn #ice king #ice prince #Simon wanting to be a hot young man with long white hair is so relatable #also ice king getting naked and showing off his body has a whole new layer than just a gag #looking back on those Ice King self confident moments- it was incredibly messed up foreshadowing now that I think about it #as someone recovering muscle mass I feel Simon about being upset at what ice king actually looked like- homie lost 90% of his leg muscles #wait I just remembered- Gunther used to break ice king’s legs with a brick too like b r o he barely had bones for legs #Simon’s ideal being a perfect bishonen hottie with nice proportions #has layers of trauma in there I just know it

[lewyn-martell]

Vanessa Kirby as Joséphine de Beauharnais and Joaquin Phoenix as Napoleon Bonaparte in NAPOLEON (2023) dir. Ridley Scott

#do not. ask me why i did this ndbsjsbsxj #not my fault the toxic crippling nonsensical perfectsense mess with the goofiest sx scenes known to man #were kinda entertaining and weirdly hot 💀 #well they look pretty cute here. but its cuz i was in an 'aw. they can be cute' mood #they were like this... but much more deranged #btw her hands are so attractive... hi 😳 #movie #napoleon #dir. ridley scott #filmedit #joaquin phoenix #vanessa kirby #mystuff

[valyrfia]

you say the only thing tethering me to this sport is a ship and i vehemently agree with you while trying to shove the python pipeline i built for fun to compare past race telemetry under the table

#i’m just a girl! why should i know anything beyond hehe man hot and be anything beyond little delusions with my friends #f1 is sadly not my only personality trait I’m also a fully paid researcher with intimate knowledge of data pipelines #you should’ve heard my rant about f1 using matlab to do analytics vs. a custom built python pipeline that I sent to the gc weeks ago #and don’t get it messed up I love lestappen too a woman can and will contain multitudes #hm. anyways

[rad-roche]

if you want a sense of dead woman walking's tone, at one point nick tries to murder his long-term girlfriend/partner with a lead pipe and it's one of the least toxic things they've got going on

#a hot mess (affectionate) #dead man talking #dead woman walking #dmt #dww #gloria roche #nick valentine #now the rest of the things. hoo boy

[thegraininessofitall]

“Eve works for the council, Sergeant. Quite the lady in the know.”

“Oh, I am not.”

“Nonsense. I’m sure if we bashed your head in, all sorts of secrets would come tumbling out.”

Timothy Dalton as Simon Skinner

in Hot Fuzz (2007), dir. Edgar Wright

#timothy dalton #hot fuzz #early 2000s #moviegifs #filmedit #filmgifs #now that's one sleazy man! #there really is something so fascinating to me about characters who are so transparent in their general demeanor #but who speak in riddles or feign ignorance #because they feel so obviously like not good people #but it's just the vibe and not necessarily what they say #they don't reveal anything about themselves that could be used against them #and they're aware of that #so they're just going around messing with people's heads #it's glorious i love it #also him being 60 in this film will always blow my mind #i thought he was 40-something. early 50s max. #anyway #the life drawing class never fails to crack me up