#i also think theres a lot of survivors guilt and i want to make a space where people can confront that as well | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

enderspawn · 2 years

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hhnngngn this might be rambley bc im still trying to organize my thoughts n stop them from just rattling around in my head but. god chip is just. defined by his guilt.

from the moment the black rose went down, from when he saw arlin get swallowed up in that ocean to save him, from the moment he became haunted-- its just been guilt. the base of all of this is built on the back of that initial survivors guilt and has been compounded by every event hes gone through since.

gillion vanishing like that just brought everything back, bc its the same thing again-- he loved someone and they got hurt and vanished and its because of him. whether its because he offered them a card (he didn't, the other two even said he didnt, but he did in his own eyes) or because he got the cards in the first place or even because he pulled gillion onto that fucking boat.

theres some part of him that feels like all of the tragedies in his life are connected via the one thing they have in common: him. he is the issue.

and normally its enough for him to hide that away behind a cocky ego and self aggrandizement and caring only abt himself and later his few loved ones (because by god all he wants is to be loved) it doesnt get rid of the problem. it only invites more people in to eventually get hurt. arlin, the black rose, price, ollie, gillion-- fuck, even things like putting roofus and amber in danger just by being around them.

that's why seeing the crew was the final straw for him, the thing that broke him. because the moment he fucking left their lives, they thrived. all without him. surely they, and everyone else, would be better off without him around to fuck things up.

bc thats what he is, isnt he?

a fuck up. a mistake.

a bastard.

the core of the issue really is just. his own self-loathing. its fueled by his guilt and then the guilt is made worse by the self loathing in a fucked up ouroboros.

i think chip is also a lot more introspective than people give him credit for. i think its bc of his dont-care brash kinda persona, but he's really cognizant of his own thoughts. its just… that entire thing is also tainted by his own poor self image.

he can recognize that his desire to make his own crew with jay and gillion and keeping ollie around is all just him trying to recapture the black rose. that's not… something EASY to recognize, that your own actions are fueled by this self-internalized desire. but because of his loathing, he views it as selfish. that he doesnt actually care for these people (he does so much it hurts), only what they can give him and how they compare to his past he can't escape.

thats what fucking haunts him, it's his own past. its the fragile reflection of this bygone age he can never return to because he can never be that little boy again.

chip has spent over half his fucking life just trying to reclaim that past-- to find arlin and drey and finn and to have his own crew to be the loving family he's cursed to never have. he wants something he can be proud of, something arlin would be proud of so that he never has to face the idea that arlin won't like who hes become, because that's the only thing that has kept him afloat.

and god fuck. thinking over it now, he knows arlin is out there now. he knows that, and he knows his best chance would be with the riptide crew-- with drey and his friends. he knows arlin is suffering. but. he still wants to leave.

and he thinks himself so selfish for it but hes selfless, he's giving up everything hes known and had because he thinks, hopes, prays, that it will spare the people he loves. "if you love them let them go" kind of thing. he wont be with them but they'll be better off without him and all he rlly wants is for them to be okay.

and god i. i touched on him seeing his own introspection through the lens of selfishness. and in a way, chip is an inherently selfish character. or at least a self-centered one. he cares most about him and his loved ones, he often acts without considering how it will impact others and only based on his own desires, and he presents with an ego the size of mars.

but fuck he is so selfless-- even more so now that he's been with the riptide pirates, especially gillion and his ideals of being a "hero". but even his own low self-worth contributes to his selflessness.

on joaldo island, when the three of them and la alma were locked in with the baron, he signed to be the paramount champion. they didn't know if the contract was magically binding, if he would be stuck, but he signed it anyway because it was the only way to protect everyone else from doing it-- even la alma, who he barely knows! but he cares for him and that means he's willing to do what it takes regardless (its the right thing to do, chip wants to do right he wants to be good but its been trained out of him by the need to survive first and foremost-- focus on yourself bc thats all you have)

we even saw it this episode with the compass. he knows its evil, he knows it can do horrible things to you-- he doesn't care. jay is looking for niklaus, which can't be good, and he has low-enough self preservation to use it anyway because if it works it means they have a way-- they can find gillion, jay doesn't have to make a deal, it will be alright. no matter the cost to chip.

when jay tries to stop him from signing that contract on joaldo, chip just says that he'll figure a way out. that he always does. and that fucking line makes me ache because its true.

chip is like a cockroach. no matter what shit life throws at him, no matter how many tragedies he has to face, he keeps on going. even when it seems aimless, or that it would be pointless (like a 10 year search for a man sunken to the bottom of the ocean)

the sad part is, despite his plans to leave the riptide pirates behind, even if he went through with it.... i think he'd keep on going. it would be just another weight on his shoulders to carry and he'd go on. keeping to himself, isolated and hurting and so very alone, but at least he isnt hurting anyone. maybe he'd return to the solo-sailing lifestyle, returning to his pointless search because he doesnt know what else he can do.

but that would like… i think kind of be it for him in a way. he's alive, but he stops trying to reach out. hes alive, but life has beaten the endurance out of him to keep trying for anything better.

idk this whole post reads as really melodramatic n angsty n shit but listen im in my feelings. let me live, MOM.

#chip #jrwi #jrwi spoilers #og post #personal #I LIVED BITCH #anyway. yes this ended up 1.1k words what of it. i have thoughts sometimes #fuck i didnt even touch on him internalizing things #like he Established w the crew. poking fun is intende to be how i bond (via the prank shit)#so they do the same and poke Fun at him #but he doesnt register it or Something theres just a breakdown in communication #and instead its just. pelting him w shit that hurts but he takes and takes but it builds up in him #(jeb bush voice) please clap #anyway. passing out now I’ll rb all my likes tomorrow zBdmssn

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transhawks · 1 year

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your last meta abt enji is very interesting and nuanced. i think its the closest one to what hori is trying to say that ive ever read. im one of those ppl that can relate to touya and dabis anger so i dont relate to whats going on with endeavor. like in the beginning his atonement felt to me like humiliating shoutos, reis and eventually dabis characters, and i still cant find myself caring for enji. but tbh so far theres no malice in the way hori writes it so lets see where it goes.

Thank you.

I just think there's a lot of resistance to the idea Touya might love/want his father. It's definitely not the... idea we had years back. The Dabi reveal(s) threw a lot of fanon out the window as to Touya's backstory and motivations and I think a lot of people have trouble moving past that too because it also means looking at Enji a little more.

But also, and I want to be clear - the vast majority of people opposed to Enjidemption and anything that goes with it are people who are abuse victims. That's why I respect that so many people are upset by this narrative. It upset me too. I have a very complex relationship with my own folks, and come from a culture with an enormous amount of mandated familial closeness (divine-ordered) and guilt/shame if you don't follow through on it, so I get the emphasis on ties with your parents being important no matter what that certain cultures like to impose. I understand wishing, wanting, some reassurance that our reactions to our abusers are fine - that we don't need to allow them back into our lives if we so choose.

But I also think it's important to note that the Todoroki family is complex! Not everyone has the same reaction to the abuse! I'm pretty sure if Natsuo hadn't been pressured by Fuyumi he might have cut off Enji completely!

Victims do not all think the same (which MHA does do well in showing), do not all want the same things, do not all have the same feelings in regards to their abusers. It kind of hurts when I see people take an extremely severe stance on this because as much as I can hate Endeavor-defending, a lot of time when it turns to criticizing Horikoshi's choices, it skews or nears hating on victims who choose to have contact with their abusers or complicated relationships with them despite admitting to the abuse. Or to those who, despite everything, still feel some love for their abusers (aware we are, that the love we get back is a conditional mimicry of the love we wanted). It goes into victim-blaming; "if you were strong and correct you'd cut contact and condemn them." or "if you really genuinely were abused you wouldn't still be there".

Again, I acknowledge that those of us who don't personally favor reconciling with abusive family have the short end of the stick when it comes to societal views. And there's nuance; some of us love our parents but cannot have them in our lives.

Abuse is complicated! Trauma makes for irrationality and inconsistency in thoughts and feelings, heck, just mere human existence does that too!

But yes, I don't think it's malicious on Horikoshi's part or him "misunderstanding" abuse as I've seen said for years on here. That charge never sat right with me given the consistent theme of child abuse, especially the focus on over-bearing patriarchal figures throughout this work and in Horikoshi's other works, I think we should also acknowledge all of that is coming not from Horikoshi misunderstanding abuse, but forming his own interpretation through likely his own experiences of it.

So, yeah. Shit's complicated and didn't go the way many of us hoped - but we can still sympathize with the anger at being rejected and discarded by a love one, even if we won't like the ending to this story.

Edit: I wrote this a few years back, but there's no shame in dropping BNHA if the Todoroki narrative and likely resolution are too triggering to you as a victim of child abuse or survivor of sexual assault. Take care of yourselves first.

#asks #todorokis

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tiredrobin · 1 year

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ok my lil nightmare headcanons for the guys that i like. six is the most fleshed out and runaway kid is here because i have little aus in my head and i think about all of them . just not as much as i think about six

the most widely applied hc for all of them: the all of them have ptsd but most of the symptoms one might expect for ptsd dont rly express themselves because theyre all basically in survival mode Always, and for symptoms of ptsd to properly express the brain has to be like "oh, right, i'm safe. time to explode" (this is very simplified and im aware theres way more complexity and nuance. just assume literally every hc i present abt anything is more nuanced than this list offers)

six

autism

adhd also

she's (mostly, circumstantially) selectively mute and/or minimally verbal, and my supporting evidence is i want her to be. my second supporting evidence is that she doesn't talk in any of the comics and she doesn't even have a whispered voiceline like "hey!" like mono does. my third supporting evidence is that that i want her to be. in more depth, she CAN be verbal, but it is (as mentioned) circumstantial and related to who she's with and how safe she feels. ie: the door raft is safe enough that she manages to tell mono her name, and in a few situations following she manages to communicate verbally, it's just not something she can do easily in… well, most cases. she's otherwise strongly communicative when she needs to be, and good at getting her point across when necessary

always whispers when she does speak

this is less a hc and more something actively supported by canon, but she WILL help people if it doesn't put her in immediate danger (and even if it does, in some cases) (supporting evidence is ln2 and vln lmao)

gets anxious when people behave vulnerable around her/quick to emotionally shut down/retreat. low empathy, high compassion. (if u think negatively abt this bite me forever and ever and ever cuz ur wrong. this is a completely neutral trait)

even after the tower, she obviously finds comfort and joy in music boxes and music in general (also mostly supported by canon content, i think)

likes to hum when she's alone

struggles with skin-picking

the noisiest she gets is when she's dreaming

physical contact is weird for her, aka it's fine if she expects it and painful/awful if she doesn't (weird exceptions apply to some degree, ie hands are ok/mono taking her hand is almost always fine)

she only hates veggies because no one's ever cooked 'em good for her. girl needs some stir fry

gets cold way easily

mono

autism 2 electric boogaloo

it's just different from six's autism, man, idk

he scripts a lot. on the spot, he has a hard time putting sentences together, but give him a little bit/be patient and he'll manage fine. he's definitely not nonverbal (six is of the opinion that he doesn't know how to shut up, which is a bit of an exaggeration but one that mono doesn't mind), it's just that autism and trauma makes words Hard

so like not nonverbal and not fully speaking but a secret third thing

survivor's guilt in, like, every situation ever

very good at taking the lead when he has a goal and has a hard time stopping to listen to others

but he DOES make a concerted effort to listen to others because he's at least peripherally aware of this fault of his

world's softest speaking voice. it's about as soft as how he whisper-talks the word "hey", pretty much

extremely detail-oriented, which helps a lot when solving puzzle-y situations

yellow is his favorite color

runaway kid:

also autism

i don't have much for them uhhh

they/them-er. they're not picky tho

goes by runa or una. "una" was a joke at first, but it sounds a bit like "uno" and the number theme with the other two just really is too hard for me to resist

will instigate contact but dislikes reciprocation

probably the loudest speaking voice of the three, but that's not really saying much. reflex is to speak lowly or whisper

ok with words. doesn't need to script

probably struggles a lot with touch-focused sensory stuff

#little nightmares #little nightmares 2 #runaway kid #ln six #ln mono #robin rambles #theyre my guys theyre my guys grabs u theyre my guys forever and ever

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spikeinthepunch · 10 months

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i finished Lisa the painful *again* to get the secret in Definitive edition and now i want to ramble about that, and also the other realizations i had on my second playthrough (spoilers ofc. do note again i havent gotten to Joyful). get ready for an essay

TW for physical and sexual abuse

soooooooooo

this second play was good because there was a lot i hadnt yet connected about the story with Brad, and it hit like a fucking truck when i realized.

For one, I hadnt really understood what Brad's "second chance" actually was. It took me a minute to actually realize Dusty was Rando, and with Dusty's limited appearances I didn't completely recognize him in flashbacks. I did know it was him at the end but the information on him is very very scarce and only now did I realize what happened. And how (as i assume based on the information and my assumptions) Brad's second chance is about Dusty instead, and being a better father to Buddy instead.

Because when I saw that flashback of Dusty apologizing, backed into a corner with a bloody injured face..... and then even thinking back to Brad's convo w Queen in the new campfire stuff- about reprimanding Dusty and Buddy for hugs..... it had me connect the change in behavior. Much like Brad turning tough as a defense, and Dusty learning that too esp with how weak he was. I have to imagine while Brad hasn't been physical against Buddy, he still carries that strict and detached role. I don't know for sure if anything is implied as to what Dusty did later in life- if he ran away or something. But oof! ouch! that fucking slapped me when i connected the dots. and feel free to correct me but also, no spoils on Joyful lol.

And then I get to the secret boss added in Definitive (go sleep at the first campfire after getting 4 boat parts).

boy that was something. like, an hour of my time and lots of suffering. I was playing Painless so it wasnt nearly as awful. but god damn. there is such a strong theme of "you cant escape your abusers. you will become them" through the game, and there is desperation from Brad to not be that. But he hold on to so much guilt and so much anger, he is trapped in a cycle of never getting away from it. Marty lives inside him, like some part of him, that he cant get rid of. actually similar to how Lisa in The First sees her mother inside herself that turns into Marty, showing how he has infected all of her memories and mind-- Marty's influence grips Brad so hard still that parts of him reflect Marty's which in turn keeps the roots deep inside.

theres something also so fucking painful with how Marty is displayed. Honest to god havent seen a story like this ever display such a horrible disgusting character so blatantly... so up front... as a huge focus of the characters' arcs. Every step and every piece of dialog had my flight or fight instinct on high. Definitely more triggering as a abuse survivor but-- jesus I felt like I was constantly on alert, fearing for the worst, trying to read Marty's intents as if to make sure I could tell something worse was going to happen. I could just feel it in my gut and i wanted to leave even when i stayed to keep listening to what he had to say. even something about marty patting the bed beside him and telling Brad to sit down with him got my chest tight.

everything Marty says through the fight makes it harder and harder to bear. While I got stressed every time my dude's died, I kind of also wanted to see more of what he'd say out of curiosity lol... It is so strikingly manipulative. the way Brad's relationship all comes from the idea of masculinity and bloodline and how thats just the way it is... thats the worst part. you could probably assume this is what happened to brad's dad with his dad, and so on. not to put any pity on Marty- just the fact that such things run so hard and so deep, and the fact that Marty pressures it on Brad with implications that he weak or not a real man or a disappointment. after a while none of that even mattered to Brad, he didn't like his father and he couldn't stand it. and yet those people, those abusers, hold power because theyve always told you how you're below them.

it hurts so fucking bad esp after i made my above connection with Dusty. i think its wildly interesting to have a character like Brad. i know i could say a lot about "imperfect" or kinda shitty characters as main characters after playing Disco Elysium, and while DE is a fantastic game (my all time fave) oghhh boy if we need a shitty guy then we definitely need Brad. and like, its still not shitty in an irredeemable way, but like the main of DE. orrr at least, its shitty in a way that you feel like they are trying. theyre truing....something. they trying. maybe for the wrong reason? and theyre fucking up when they dont even know it.

Brad's drive in Painful goes from "father figure wanting to protect his child in a world that wishes to hard her, abuse her, and use her." to "father figure finding a way to atone for his past abusive behavior, by caring for a new child despite being unable to let go of the grip that trauma left on him, thus still repeating the cycle of abuse in ways he doesnt understand".

augh. okay. idk where i am going with this now. but i think that secret boss added a lot and i think it was a good addition (even if they sure love making you climb long ass ropes). I also found it interesting there are two scenarios we know abt brad messing around and putting on makeup. With Lisa he apparently just wanted to get into mom's stuff. and i can imagine with Buddy he willingly did it for her to have fun. like. not saying transfem Brad but. you know. i think thats cute.

but this new thing reminded me much of the surreal stuff in The First and i think that was great bc Painful doesnt have too much about Marty and Brad's relationship outside of the beginning and end. and I dont think its needed-- the game can be played fine without it (and many will likely not see it bc its not stated how to get this boss). but The First had some p interesting visualizations about the abuse and i think its very effective. it makes it more scary. it makes it hit harder. the imagery associated with Marty strikes me harder when I played the First after Painful and saw those Marty spiders in the first game. And then seeing the bile. and the vomiting. and the slimy disgusting way he talks--

sorry, i imagine this whole game's story and this dream is probably super triggering for others too, and it hits a different way. i think its easier to attach to this game due to it. and i definitely wont stop my praise for it-- its hard to recommend but, seriously genuinely cant think of any media thats done it like this and i really enjoy every moment.

#yeahg i am tagging this idk might as well throw my rambles into the tags #i wrote this at 2am after i beat the boss btw #lisa rpg #lisa the painful #lisa

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libbys-braincell-loss · 1 year

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Im coming up with a book thats sole purpose is to get banned for representing actual things that could possibly happen in society

Abridged version:

High school kid deals with survivor's guilt, sexual assault, identity crisis, and parents divorcing, all while being a high school junior

If this summary sounds mildly interesting to you, read below

TW // Car accident, assault, homophobia

Theres a boy who tries to save a victim of a car accident with CPR before ambulance shows up, finds out next day the victim died in the hospital, starts feeling like hes the one who killed him

The boy has 3 friends - his best friend, who is a straight ally who loves spray painting graffiti with him, another close friend who identifies as a pansexual demigirl and does photography of their artworks, and this guy who the main boy thinks is REALLY cute but won't admit he has a crush on him (he has a huge crush on him, crush develops more in the story) and this fellas a closeted gay and master of the paintbrush and finer details. Together they make the FINEST graffiti in Maryland

Main boy shows interest in feminine outfits, but is afraid to wear them due to fear of losing his friends and family's respect

The main boy gets sexually assaulted by a girl, he makes her stop, and she starts making false claims that he raped her as "payback" to make him feel bad that he made her stop, and he begins developing trauma (i've seen many portrayals of girls getting assaulted by guys but i've never heard of stories where its the other way around, even tho it can happen, but people will say im being "sexist, this is going against women, it portrays women as bad guys" SHUT. women can do terrible things just like men, they just get away with it more since they're women. If i sound sexist im not im literally a women lol)

Main boy realizes he's bi, comes out to parents, mom is accepting but dad isn't, the parents have had many disputes in the past but them not agreeing whether or not their son can be whoever he wants is the straw that breaks the camels back, and eventually they divorce, and the dad (who had a healthy relationship with his son) cut contact with his own son

Main boy drifts emotionally closer toward his friends, who accept him just fine with no fuss

Main boy FINALLY gets the courage to ask out his gay crush, and FINALLY they end up dating and FINALLY get to hold hands

Main boy is getting trauma and anxiety from past things that have happened, friends and supportive (yet still not fully knowledgeable of his current situation) mom comfort him and remind him continuously that NOTHING IS YOUR FAULT. the person who died didn't die because of you doing something wrong. the girl who assaulted you and claimed you raped her did that, not because you did something wrong. your dad divorced your mom, but not because you did something. And i think thats an important message to have. If you tried your hardest to make things right, then you shouldnt be the one to blame when things go wrong. I think this should be engraved in everyones heads.

Boy gains more courage to be himself, and decides to try new things he always wanted to do, but was afraid of backlash if he did it. He tried on skirts. Dresses. Skinny jeans. Crop tops. Dying hair. Going out in public with this new style he wanted to try. Hanging out with his friends and mom in his outfits and realizing how much he loves this. He still likes his guy clothes, but he loves his girl clothes just as much.

Boy realizes he might not be a boy after all. But he doesn't feel like a girl either. He goes to his demigirl friend for help and they suggest he might be non binary, and he realizes he might be

Our newly-out enby fella comes out to their friends with a new name that he likes a lot more than his og name. His friends and bf still accept them and love them nonetheless

They continue on with their life, they do get made fun of by other people they meet, but they shove it out of the way, cuz thats just life man

Also keep in mind this entire story takes place while this guy is a junior in high school. The entire book.

Basically, this story is just a book about problems in society that get overlooked too much, and it's main message is "this isn't your fault. just because a problem happened to you doesn't mean you caused it", and its also a book that is supposed to be "banned". cuz banned books are better than non-banned books bahaha

if anybody who's experienced these things before would like to give me input on how these experiences should be portrayed in the story (because i have not experienced any of these things before) so i know how it should be portrayed in the story. (you are not obligated to, cuz these are touchy subjects, but if you are comfortable enough to, send it via asks, it will remain in the asks and i wont post a response to it to keep your privacy. And, if you have experienced any of these, just know: i love you, stranger and i hope everything improves for you. and if things have improved already, good on you. <333 im sorry if any of these things happened to you.)

#tw #lgbtq #banned books #writing #creative writing #gay #non binary #demigirl #bisexual #survivors guilt

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25-worms-in-a-trenchcoat · 2 years

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eye emoji at ur oc tags i am looking so hard what da hell is going on over there

hehehe excuse to infodump abt them hell yeah! okay so i partially answered this here and also before i forget i actually have a sideblog dedicated to the campaign theyre for over at @the-curse-investigation-team ! and for anyone who needs context for this ask i posted this earlier (putting the rest under a read more bc this is gonna be long)

ANYWAYS so i mostly talked abt the curse earlier, but basically theres a curse on the monsters (they're good!!) of this town that make them get sick and rampage and not have control of their monster forms if theyre shifters. it affects one person every new moon and the person ends up dying from the curse just from how sick they get (or previously they were killed/euthanized but that stopped since there was recently gained hope that the ppl could be cured of the curse. my character, worms, originally got turned into a monster/worm-shifter bc he got attacked by a worm shifter that was effected by the curse and worms bit him in an attempt to get it off of him (he was panicking okay he wasnt exactly in the best position to be making decisions). when he woke up he was in a hospital bed and found out that bc he called for help the worm ended up being killed and now he has ✨survivors guilt✨. so even tho he's told theres nothing he can do to help he keeps researching the curse and trying to save those effected to no end (his working theory is that if the cursed monster stays alive til midnight of the new moon then the curse will stop effecting them but no one will listen). finally things change when two non-monsters (scott, a manager from the local gary gators [think rainforest cafe x chuck-e-cheese and yes this is based on fnaf shhhh] who?? has a phone for a head??, and sonya, a college student who has powers given to her by a something or other but rly doesnt want to) get roped in. they figure out that worms' original theory doesnt work but they figure out sonya can dispell the curse, but at that point its too late. next month rolls around tho and the curse gets dispelled from that person and we now have the first person to live through having the curse!! but its still gonna show up every month so now we gotta figure out its source and keep dispelling it and tracking down who has it each month.

as for the best friend, his name is/was emmett and they met in elementary schooland knew each other up into their early 20s and they bonded over both being trans (with emmett being a trans guy and worms being nonbinary) along with many other things. emmett got bullied a lot in school and worms v much gave him scary dog privilege and got the bullies to back off whenever they were around, or at the very least caused problems for them lol. they were super close, to the point where emmett developed a romantic crush on worms (but didnt ask him out or say anything bc worms is aroace and he assumed they wouldnt want to be in a relationship w him [he didnt know that qpps were a thing]) and worms developed a queerplatonic crush on emmett (but didnt say anything bc emmett isnt aro and "deserves to have a nice romantic relationship with someone who can reciprocate" [emmett would love to be their qpp if he knew it was a thing]". v much and they were both idiots energy. anyways they lived together for a while after worms got kicked out and before emmett left for college in emmetts parents house. right after emmett had moved back to their hometown after college he disappeared; long enough that he was assumed dead. it was insanely hard on worms. it turns out emmett is now scott, the phone head guy i mentioned earlier. freddy fazbears gary gators decided they needed a new manager (all of which are ppl kidnapped and turned into partial animatronics with their memories mostly wiped and v v traumatized. scott doesnt remember worms bc, like i said, memories wiped, plus worms changed his name which doesnt help (he used to change names all the time and then landed on worms after the wormening). worms does seem very familiar to scott though and finds them very comforting to be around and has a crush on him again. worms doesnt know scott is emmett bc different voice (voicebox) and can't see his face (phonehead). scott does remind him a lot of emmett though and finds himself falling into old habits with him and developing queerplatonic feelings for him, both of which he feels a bit guilty about.

also side note but worms's grandpa-figure (pops) turns into a bear and is dating mothman :)

but yeah sorry this is long agshshs lmk if you have any questions!! tho stuff abt emmett/scott i may or may not be able to answer since hes my friends player character not mine (same goes for sonya).

#worms

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lang-rangler-enjoyer · 4 months

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11, 30 or 42 for the JoJo game? :D

MINOR SPOILERS FOR SBR AND PART 8*

11. Fave ship? Oh god, so many. I've answered this question with my part 6 OTP before, so I'm gonna talk sbr:

RingoDiscoAxl

Scrungly sad men. 2/3 of them canonically have had really tragic lives and bear heavy survivor's guilt, and Disco's unkempt look, quiet nature, and his outfit/belt looking like a period police uniform and handcuffs also speaks to some unhappiness/regret

I love them all. There's a shared understanding that they're all going through the same thing, even if they don't want to talk about it. A lot of comfortable silence.

30. Rank the jojo main villains? Hmmm. This is kinda difficult for me, the main villains are never my *favourite* characters, so I don't normally think too hard about them That being said (least fav to fav):

Funny Valentine < Diavolo < Toru < Dio Brano < Kira < Pucci < Kars < DIO

42. Most bizarre moment? OK, so it's implied throughout the series that two people having the same stand (or similar) is very rare. Even close relatives with similar temperaments can get completely different stands (see the Aphex brothers). There are only two cases (unless I'm forgetting something?) in the entire series where more than two people have had the same stand. One was the Boomboom family, where all three of them had Tomb of the Bomb. That I can understand. That I can accept. There's only three of them. They all received their stands at the same time, they're all directly blood related, and they all have the same general temperament.

BUT WHAT THE FUCK WAS UP WITH THE ELEVEN MEN??? HUH???????? ARAKI WHAT

THERES FUCKING ELEVEN OF THEM

HOW DO THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME STAND? ARE THEY *ALL* RELATED???

WHY ARE THEY SO EASY TO KILL? WHY DON'T THEY REACT WHEN THE OTHER MEN GET SHOT AND DIE?? WHERE THERE M O R E IN THE PAST??

that's the part that gets me the most. Gyro and Johnny are able to kill like half of them, often two or three at a time, very quickly into the fight. are they all new and incompetent? if they're all this fucking shitty at staying alive and don't seem to care about each other dying, then what were they all doing at the same time in a remote enough place to have a devil's palm?? unless they're all natural born stand users, but the prospect of that makes my head hurt.

why does no one talk about this. I feel like I'm going insane.

#asks #ringodiscoaxl

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korships · 7 months

Text

. not irl negative ! just under a cut cus not put together. just more sad/analytical omi thoughts. mentions of suicidal ideation/bad dads/other sad things.

sorry having omi thoughts

conflicted on the idea of whether omi would want kids or not turned mini essay on the Man of all time

in regards to omi having kids it’s obvious he would be a great parent but im undecided whether i think he would want kids or not. he’d be so terrified of the trauma of either him or s/i dying like his mother did, and he already kinda did his time doing a good chunk of the raising of his little brothers.

like we saw how how low he got after his best friends death i dont think he could handle going through grief like that again especially with so much on the line like raising a family, he’s terrified of that grief again and he’s terrified that grief could cause him to distance himself from any family (sorta like he did w the wolves).

omis survivors guilt is fucking insane and he consistently (at least near the beginning of a/3) struggled with the idea of him being “worthy” of the one to live the crash. a lot of his behavior is compensatory for the “crime” of surviving the incident.

he saw himself as somebody with no real ambitions or dreams, making him, in his mind, unworthy of surviving compared to nachi who had aspirations. imo, his main driving emotion near the beginning of the story is not grief as much as guilt. he has multiple lines wondering if everyone would be better off without him, iirc theres one where director calls him a good person and hes like “i wonder..” in a sorta dismissive way. there were points where you could interpret his lines or thoughts as passively suicidal. he took on his dead best friends dream, to live it for his dead best friend (until he started enjoying it as omi and not just a proxy for a dead friend). his guilt complex is also very very obvious based on his nightmares about the crash (iirc, nachi tells him he shouldve died instead, etc.) in the anime it’s reflected in some sequences where he alludes to acting “recently becoming a dream of his” he touches his chin, drawing attention to the scar. in the stage adaptation they portrayed the nightmares as hallucinations instead (prob due to the limitations of the stages settings and backdrops). he’s also like super, super terrified of juza disliking him in any capacity, in canon he admits it scares him because of the similarities between juza and nachi.

his grief mirrors what little we know of his fathers grief after his mother died. his father neglected homemaking and emotional aspects of parenting, opting to compensate the only way he knew how by earning the money (idr if it was stated omis dad worked extra hours/through himself into work to avoid his grief but i think my idea stands anyways). on the flip side, omi has dealt with two major grievances in his life. his mother, which he didn’t necessarily have the time to grieve because he was put in charge of raising his younger brothers both emotionally and doing homemaking. and his best friend, a best friend that symbolized a freedom for omi, away from the responsibilities of raising children as a child himself. he lost what should have been a symbol of stability and responsibility, and a symbol of freedom and bonds. giving him a messed up idea of friendship where he feels like he constantly has to question his own worth around people who provide him with a sense of stability, responsibility, freedom, and close bonds.

i know a/3s large cast makes it impossible to focus on one character unless its their turn of a focused event BUT im a little sad how this all gets shoved to the side in favor of malewife omi (which dont get me wrong, love him for that. but his love language as cooking was created out of necessity to feed his brothers and continues from not the healthiest thought process. even though throughout the story it has become his fun little thing and its genuinely something he likes doing for those he cares for), like.. have we heard any mentions of his nightmares since the stranger even. he has ptsd, even if its not canon, he definitely has it. in akebono-so they show that his healing hasnt been linear and i just want more of that. we know hes made a lot of progress, but hes such a complicated character compared to what a/3 does with him sometimes.

anyways thx for reading my ‘essay’. i was originally just wanting to think of fankids but this is what it turned into

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om-headcanon · 4 years

Text

☆ mc catching the obey me brothers crying

i believe its fair to assume mc has seen at least one of the boys cry. here is what i believe happened. (if you want me to do undateables, let me know! tw for low self worth, panic attacks, and survivors guilt/death mentions)

lucifer

without a doubt the most embarassed to be caught crying

he had just gotten into an argument with diavolo, and he questions his importance in diavolos life

he goes into the study to get some extra work done late at night to reassure himself he is useful

with all of the stress from the situation at hand and some stress from supporting the family on his back, he cant help but shed a few tears

all he wants to do is keep those around him happy and healthy... and it tears him apart when he cant

if i cant make the ones i love happy then... what can i do...

he doesnt notice your presence, as he has hands over his eyes and is breathing slowly in order to relax himself

you call out his name softly to get his attention

lucy jumps and tries wiping his eyes and playing it off as if he was never crying

you walk closer to him and he keeps inquiring if theres anything you need

you dont say anything, you just place your arms around him and hold him in a tight embrace

and he starts crying again on your shoulder... harder, this time. holding you tighter and closer in the embrace

because of his pride, its hard for him to admit what he needs the most: someone to show they care for him

mammon

mammon is the type to not cry often but when he does, its a lot

while his brothers dont really have bad intentions, the daily degradation they execute against mammon really gets to him

he can only put up his confident front for so long, and not long after a fight with asmo, it recedes

he lay on his bed sobbing heavily into a pillow to muffle the sound for nearly a full hour

his mind cant help but insist all the words his siblings tell him are true... and he wishes more than anything that you were there to tell him they werent

he looks up to the door every once in a while with blurry vision, mind convincing him theyre at the door, but you not being there makes him cry even harder

maybe they just think the same as the rest of my brothers

he hears the doorknob, but convinces himself its his mind again. ironically enough, this makes him cry even harder

except its actually you this time

you run over to his bed to sit down next to him and rub his back reassuringly, asking if hes alright

he jolts up, shocked youre actually here. he closes his mind and smiles sadly with a tear stained face

he pulls you into an embrace and whispers a soft thank you... your presence helps him more than you will ever know

you hold him for a few minutes and tell him how awesome the Great Mammon really is

leviathan

its been a long stressful day at rad, and he cant help but overthink every single action he has made

every single glance hes made, every single word hes said ... just everything

most days he would resort to playing a game or watching an anime he loves in attempt to distract himself, but other days its not that easy

he starts spiraling, thinking of not only everything hes done that day, but actions hes done in the past too

eventually hes past the point of no return, and starts having a panic attack

levi cant seem to catch his breath and with the thoughts still rushing through his head at full speed, he cant attempt to calm himself down

he envies those who dont feel the way he does right now because god, what he would do to not feel like this

you were just wondering why your gaming buddy hasnt come looking for you so naturally, you go to him

you knock on his door waiting for him to ask you for the entry code... but theres no response

you enter and are quite shocked to see levi shaking on his bed

this is familiar to you... whether youve had to guide a friend through a panic attack or have been through one yourself, you know what to do

you reassure him this will all pass and knowing how hard school is for him, you tell him he did well today

you get him to regulate his breathing and gain some composure

hes embarassed you had to see him like that... but he lets you know hes so thankful that you came to help him

satan

he just wants to be his own person but with how his life was set for him, its almost as if thats a tall order

its very rare he cries from happiness or anything like that, but sometimes he gets so sad that he gets angry... and then he cries a lot

no one dares to go near him like that

and that hurts him too... that nobody could or would ever dare to console him because they fear what hed do to them

he acknowledges this is a justified fear as he is after all the representation of wrath itself, but it still hurts nonetheless

belphie decided to poke fun and tease satan reminding him of how hes lucifers shadow

he didnt take it well... and retreated to his room to handle his emotions

he knew his family didnt want anything to do with him while he was angry... and that made him feel like a burden

but he grew used to everyone expecting he handle his emotions himself even if every once in a while he desired some reassurance

satan sat in a corner of his room crying to himself waiting for this to pass because he didnt believe anyone else would care to check on him

but you were curious as to why he wasnt in his usual 4 pm reading spot, so you decided to check his room

he was just sat completely still staring into the distance while tears fell down his face

he didnt even notice your presence until you sat down next to him

you didnt want to pry, so you just asked if he wanted to talk about it

he shook his head, laid on your shoulder, and just said “this is all i need”

asmodeus

ahh... while self love is so easy for him, self value isnt

its easy for him to believe people want to be around him solely with lustful intent rather than because they genuinely love him

he doesnt really believe anyone could ever love him

so he overcompensates through self love because he believes hes the only person who could ever love him

hes great at hiding it but sometimes, this gets to him... especially after some quick encounters with others at the fall

he thinks maybe there is no depth to him.. maybe i really am just a pretty face and nothing else

asmo cries pretty often, but he only lets people see him cry when its over something material (ie, he couldnt get a new bag hes been wanting for weeks)

he cries quietly too in effort to make sure nobody sees him

he seemed to have forgetten that you two were planning to go shopping today so you went to his room to see if he was ready

you werent expecting to see him rolled over in bed softly crying to himself

you startled him when you said his name

“oh, mc, i didnt see you there!” he chuckles lightly to himself in effort to change the mood of the atmosphere as he wipes his eyes

you ask if hes okay and his sad smile falls slightly

he asks you if you genuinely think he could ever be lovable

your heart breaks a little knowing that he even has a moment of self doubt, but you reassure him that hes a lovable person inside and out

you hug him tightly while another tear falls down his face

you two decide shopping is best for another day... for now, you just want to talk and do facials

beelzebub

beel loves his family a lot

more than he loves food (also a lot)

he hates conflict between them and would do absolutely anything to avoid it

what he hates the most about himself is how hungry he gets... hes aware its poorly timed but theres really nothing he can do about it

but the feeling hes being an inconvenience to those he loves hurts him

beel is great at smiling as often as possible, but if theres any tension between the family, he wont stop crying until its resolved

once he was so hungry it wasnt possible to control himself and he ended up going on a rampage

he earned scolds from lucifer, mammon, and satan for this

it tore him apart knowing that he had caused his family trouble for even a second and he started crying because of the guilt

he couldnt even find enough energy to make it back to his room, so he just sat in the kitchen with tears on his face

you had decided to go to the kitchen to get a snack when you saw him

he apologized for being in the kitchen and offered to move if you wanted his seat, but you declined

beel didnt even bother wiping the tears from his eyes... he wore them like they were a punishment for his own behavior

when you asked him what was wrong, all he said was that he was a bad brother

you tried to tell him otherwise, but then he went into detail about the situation and how all he does is cause the family distress

you told him that isnt true at all and he continues to bring light and happiness to all those around him

hearing that his brothers will come around and know he meant no harm is all he needed to hear

“thank you, mc... i feel less hungry when im with you”

belphie

he has lots of survivors guilt

its been millenia but he still wishes that it was him instead of lilith

because of this he cries quite often, but never in front of anyone other than beel

this feeling that lilith and him should have traded places haunts him often, and its not always so easy to sleep it off

as fore mentioned, he usually finds comfort in talking to his older twin but beel isnt always there

beel was at one of his clubs at rad and belphie didnt want to bother him, but he really did need someone right now

unlike his older brothers, belphie actually makes an effort to find you

he doesnt find you in your room nor the kitchen, so he continues to search around the house in hopes youre around here somewhere

he happens to find you by yourself in the study on your d.d.d.

belphie feels bad bothering you, and enters the room quite quietly

“mc, can we talk?”

he sits down next to you and lays his head on your shoulder

contrary to what he stated he wanted, not much talking is being done

he just lies there quietly crying with no explanation why

he realises he may not be as ready to talk about it as he thought... but thats okay

you tell him that youre going to listen whenever hes ready to talk about it

that makes him feel a lot better

he falls asleep right there with a thankful smile placed on his face

#satans was lowk the hardest to write #i hope i wrote them all well tho >:#also some of these are .. quite long o_o #my apologies #obey me headcanon #obey me #belphie headcanon #beel headcanon #satan headcanon #mammon headcanon #lucifer headcanon #levi headcanon #asmo headcanon

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bakubitch-minusultra · 3 years

Text

Not Alone: Chapter Six

-> an apocalyptic series with bnha characters but without quirks because im the writer and i can do whatever the fuck i want B) this chapter is short but theres a seggs joke in it and a new character is finally mentioned so

-> Word Count: 1.4k

-> Warnings: seggs joke lol i think thats it

-> Taglist: @5sosfckss @laudthingcat [if you wanna be added lmk <3]

The farmhouse sat quiet, just like Y/n hoped it would. She’s never come back to it so quickly. It had the longest, most off the beaten track, driveway of the four and it was the closest to her cabin.

They peeled off their soaking wet clothes. Her wound burned from the cold river water and the exertion of wading through the river for such a long ways. She’s done it before, but it wasn’t her favorite way to get to the house. But she’s been followed before, and she didn’t want to be followed again.

She couldn’t help but steal a glance at Kirishima as he pulled his wet shirt off and dropped his jeans on the floor. His wound was bright purple. The brand new scar that’s developing was lumpy.

“It’s bigger than I thought it would be.”

She looked up at Kirishima to see him smiling at her. She pulled her pants off and noticed for the first time that he had drawings of dinner rolls on his boxers. She raised an eyebrow at him.

He laughed, “Buttered buns.”

“I don’t get it.”

“That’s because you were nine when the world went crazy.”

Y/n felt her face blushing, realizing that it obviously meant something filthy, “You were only ten,” She said out of spite.

“Yeah I was but my friend was twelve. So that makes me more like twelve when it happened.” Y/n stopped smiling but he didn't stop talking. “Bakugo was a bad kid. His mom used to get so mad at him. He had a magazine collection that could shock a whore.”

Y/n flinched at the word. She knew what it meant and how it was used but she never heard anyone say it. The conversation suddenly felt wrong.

“One time he was dating this chick and he-”

“Kiri.” Y/n looked back at Mina who was making a distasteful face, “Sex related Bakugo stories in your underwear is creepy dude.” Y/n smiled and watched as Kirishima’s face grew red. He looked at her through his bangs and her heart started to feel like it was too big for her chest.

“Where’s your friend?” Y/n didn’t want to ask but she knew she had to.

Mina answered from behind her, “We hope dead.” Y/n nodded and left it at that. She knew that feeling. Kirishima’s face looked haunted and Y/n could’ve sworn she saw guilt, but she leaves it at that.

Y/n felt weird about being in a house with other people. Not just because it was one of her safe spaces, but also because she was never with people. Her legs ached and she knew she wouldn’t sleep.

She looked at Mina, “You guys sleep first. Me and Hades will take the first watch.”

Kirishima frowned, “Why don’t we all just sleep. There’s no way anyone followed us Y/n.” She wanted to slap him. She knew it was irrational but his survival skills left a lot to be desired. Instead, she turned and walked away.

“Dude we’ll take watch here every night. It just feels safe here, that doesn’t mean it is.”

“Fine. Whatever.”

Y/n pulled the knife that she stole from the dead military guy out of her boot and rubbed it down with bleach she pulled out from under the sink. She hated that she touched something of someone else’s. She caught Kirishima watching her but she ignored him. She ignored her heart fluttering every time he glanced at her. She would leave him. It was her nature.

Instead, she looked at Hades, who had positioned himself in front of the back door, curled into a ball.

“So much for helping me.” Hades opened one yellow eye and closed it again.

She took her new knife, bow and quiver, and her bottle of water to the door. She rubbed Hades’s head once and then headed out into the night quietly.

She opened the barn door and slipped inside. The darkness of the barn was frightening, but she gripped the handle of the blade for strength. She climbed the stairs and felt like something would grab her feet at any second and drag her down into the hay.

She climbed into the hayloft and sat on the open window. The dark night was silent. She didn’t like the silence. She liked the sound of animals telling her she was safe. She opened her ears and closed her mind against the sounds that haunted her.

Then she heard them.

The night creatures that would warn her of any intruders fill her ears. There was a cricket, a single cricket out in the field. She heard a bat off in the woods south of the farm. The noise made her smile. The signs of life filled her with a mistaken and misguided hope. She knew the reality of it all. She knew they were lost, all of humanity was. She knew what the world has done to each other. They were no longer human. Their humanity was lost. The animals had bested them in behavior in survival

The door to the house slipped open. Mina crossed the driveway carefully. A smile crossed Y/n’s lips. She knew that Mina was a survivor.

“His leg’s infected.” Mina’s words cut her. Y/n knew what she had to do but she wasn’t prepared to do it. Mina saw her face in the moonlight, “I know. I feel the same way.”

“The medicines are all expired.”

“We have to go for him. His fever is back. The red lines have started. My dad warned me about the red lines.” Y/n’s eyes left the deserted yard and fixed themselves on Mina. They glistened in the moonlight.

“I’ll go alone.”

“I can’t ask that of you.”

“He can’t travel.”

“But I can’t ask that of you. He’s my burden.”

Y/n laughed softly into the cool night air, “He really is isn’t he? How is he so clueless?”

Mina’s lips curled into a grim smile that the darkness couldn’t hide from Y/n, “He practically worshipped Bakugo. They joked and laughed while my dad tried to teach us how to survive. My dad always called them grasshoppers who played all summer.” Y/n flinched at the childhood reference. “When all of our parents died Bakugo took care of us, but he wasn’t a survivor. When Bakugo got taken I was eleven. Kirishima’s tried but he’s, well he’s a moron.”

Y/n looked back out into the yard, “He’s amazing Mina. He’s still full of the things we’ve all lost. He smiles and laughs and sings. I heard him humming the other day and I almost shot him and then realized I haven’t hummed since I was nine years old.” Her skin shivered when she thought about spying on Kirishima humming. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him.

“He’s a goof. We’ll travel together Y/n.”

Y/n looked back at her harshly, “He’ll die if we make him travel. Those red lines are blood poisoning and once the reach his heart he’s dead. I’ll go and you’ll stay and keep him safe.”

Y/n was risking her life for him. She felt like she was back at the cabin door and Mina was knocking. Y/n knew she would regret this decision.

“I’ll leave tonight. You’ll have to keep Hades with you. He can help you.”

Mina’s voice was small, “I can’t ask this of you.”

Y/n smiled bitterly,”Guess you’ll have to trust me.”

Y/n stared out into the night, it was peaceful and quiet. It scared her more than anything suddenly and Y/n felt her jaw tense.

“If I’m not back in three days you’ll have to cut the leg off and clot it. Don’t give him liquor before you cut it off, it thins the blood and he’ll bleed out. Clotting is done with a hot iron. You press it against the stump where the leg bleeds to seal the veins.” Y/n doesn’t look at Mina. She couldn’t. “The red lines means he has a week at the most. He’ll need tons of soup and water and rest. He can fight it somewhat with those things.” Y/n stood up, her legs ached at the thought of leaving. The barn felt less scary with Mina it and Y/n realized her whole life had started to feel that way

---

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calangkoh · 3 years

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What do you think is the difference in Al’s characterization/development in 03 vs. BH? Which Al do you prefer?

i could be totally wrong about everything im about to say. this is all my takeaway, and its going to differ from other people’s.

i think the main difference is in 03 al is the deuteragonist and in bh al is just a few steps above side character. In 03 al is as important as ed and has a lot more say on things. he acts more like an actual brother by butting heads with ed and speaking up more. bh al most of the time comes across as a sidekick. bh al’s character development isnt a big thing because theres not much TO develop when he’s more of a supporting role vs in 03 where he has many established flaws to be expanded on.

i am not criticizing bh here, and its not something im mad about in the slightest. but it is why i prefer 03, because the appeal of fma for me was always the brothers, and 03 focuses way more on the brothers (their growth, their struggles, their relationship, etc), ironically, more than brotherhood which has a wider cast and world it divides its attention on (and i like a wide cast and big world as much as an intimate character study, it just so happens in fma’s case it was always the brothers that captivated me over the world, so naturally the show that zeroes in on the brothers as opposed to zooming away from them more and more is the one i prefer).

03 al is rougher around the edges, has more obvious flaws, and his development seems to be about becoming more decisive and proactive and less passive, with a heavy emphasis on survivors guilt and the effects the armor has on his psyche. it spends more time giving al the attention his horrific situation deserves.

in bh, al is a sweet and supportive brother who serves to motivate ed and be useful to the plot when he can with his body. his development seems to center around accepting how useful his body is? which good for him, but illustrates my point of bh having its characters be more like set pieces. al only gets development in scenes where he can move the plot forward.

i love both als. bh al is easier to love because he’s very “nonoffensive” and “unobstrusive.” hes sweet and kind and has funny moments and is just an endearing boy. its impossible not to love al. 03 has the same qualities but with more of a challenge because 03 actually gives him substantial flaws to overcome. 03 al can be harder to love sometimes because of his flaws, because he makes mistakes and acts like an idiot and gets angry and is wrong sometimes. but he’s a much more deeply-written, well rounded, dimensional character for it.

but yknow sometimes a simpler and more clean cut character like bh al is what a story needs, and what the audience needs. a black and white wholly Good character who inspires us and simplifies things for us in impactful ways is just as valuable as a flawed and complicated one that makes us question ourselves. i love both als, i think they are both fantastic. obviously i prefer 03, though.

i think in terms of personality differences, and this is just my interpreation of their characters (and my interpretion of bh al could always be way off since i dont remember details of bh as well as 03), if they met youd be able to quickly see that 03 al is more outspoken. Even if 03 al is still the rational calm and observant one to eds impulsivity, he still has opinions and is attempting to broaden them. hes more inclined to question things, offer new possibilities, reach out to other people for connections, all for the purpose of understanding things, in my interpretation. Bh al is more strictly an observer. both are introverts, but 03 al comes across more extraverted because he reaches out more to find answers and will also actively converse and discuss with people, while bh al is almost all quietly thinking to himself.

03 al at the end of his journey is also noticibly rougher. bh al is still the big idealist and softie. hes smily, always beaming, always excited to indulge in life. 03 al is like that too but more often feels fake, because it partially is. theres more sadness behind the same smile thats on bh al’s face. bh al’s smile is bright and happy and cheerful but 03’s masks longing and regret. bh al is much less confrontational but he is much more sassy and snarky, now confident enough to embrace that inner snark and “dam im real done with ppls bullshit but im still a nice person so im not afraid to throw some shade.” 03 al is actually confrontational. he actually is able to get up in your face and tell you off (or if youre someone he cares about, lecture you to take better care of yourself because dammit life is too fragile and he wont stand idly by letting shit happen in front of him any more—hes very much like winry in this sense). hes snarky, yes, but his snark is more strictly for joking and when it comes to conflict he’s straightforward and direct.

Edit: not to say 03 al IS confrontational—hes still a sweet boy who will avoid it, but just by comparison to bh al he’s less afraid of conflict when its necessary. like “i hate conflict and will avoid it because i dont like to hurt other people but i WILL confront people if its necessary, even if i dont like doing it” while bh al is “i will avoid conflict at all costs but you WILL endure my snarky tongue if youre getting on my nerves, but if it actually bothers you and could potentially start a legit fight ill obviously keep my sassy comments to myself.” important to note they both still give everyone the benefit of the doubt and trust everyone is good at heart and no one wants to do any harm, and always have that assumption in their interactions. altho again, 03 al is more inclined to be paranoid “yes i will give everyone the benefit of the doubt but doesnt mean im not watching my back cause i dont trust so easily anymore and i dont want to be manipulated or taken advantage of ever again”

#ask

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troop52 · 3 years

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do u !!! have any character theme songs for the troop boys? Like any songs you think really fits them (and why u think it fits)?

THATS A GREAT QUESTION!!

Before I get into it Im going to plug this collaborative Troop Playlist on Spotify, feel free to add onto it!! Continuing with my picks

I think a lot of the songs I associate with The Troop in general are just because I happened to listen to them around the same time I got into the book in the first place (So they could only be tangentially related BUT only if you squint hard) Example: Drunk by The Living Tombstone, cant really tie it into the story but in my mind its linked Some better, more fitting songs under the cut (Side note its LONGGG IM SORRY... Also its all YouTube links because some of these arent on Spotify :'^()

Disclaimer -Like 95% of my choices arent really a "These lyrics match up exactly 1 to 1" but more of an overall "the vibe/general idea its trying to capture lines up" type thing. If that makes sense.

Its Alright by Jack Stauber: Kind of self explanatory, I think its a perfect song for these guys. From "It's alright, I'm here, Everything's alright, Feels weird but calm, I wanna hear It's alright" to the whole sound of it- its all great. Equal parts distressing and sad with an almost eerie calmness to it. Despite it all theyre gonna be alright, right?

The Second Little Piggy by Worthikids: Another one that I think is sort of self explanatory- at least with the chorus. "If my brain turns to mush, If the shit hits the fan, Will you be my friend?" Kind of the falling apart of everything, specifically their relationships, in light of the incident.

Poor George by James Supercave: Another case of "listened to at the same time I read the book" BUT I was actually making a Troop PMV script with that song. I never finished it but maybe Ill revisit it... just for you

Cold Summer by Le Matos ft Computer Magic: I dont even think this takes place in the summer but the VIBES and also it came from Summer of 84, which is another good piece of murder boy media.

Treehouse by Alex G ft Emily Yacina: This is a Eef and Max type of song because they are bffs and thats final. Basic song because Im not creative, but I think its a nice heart to heart theyd have (with Eef doing the talking)

Fifteen Minuets by Nick Krol: On the flipside heres a song that goes with Eef and Maxs friendship fracturing, once again more from Eefs side than Maxs. THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGG

As far as songs for the boys as individuals hmmm thats a good one that I havent thought about as much...

MAX + The Ghosts by The Real Tuesday Weld: That survivors guilt... lyrics arent like a perfect match but I think it gets that sort of hollow feeling across. Hes haunted man... + Final Girl by Electric Youth: Ok its a little funny because har har Final Girl Trope but I mean HE IS ONE. ANd dont look at me its a nice song- "Others were gone, and you kept going on, You know they never really noticed, you were always different, One by one, They're all done, And you're the last one standing" + Going Grazy by Lonesome Wyatt and the Holy Spooks: HONESTLY this could go for all the characters but Im tagging it onto Max because hes the one who has to deal with the aftermath of losing everyone (sorry survivors guilt Max again </3) "Everyone's saying my mind is unsound, 'Cause I always see you when you aren't around" "They're gonna wrap me in a jacket of white, And lock me away in a room without light" is what cements it as a Max song for me

EEF + The Existential Threat by Sparks: Once again starting sad, I link this one specifically to his paranoia about the worms- especially with lines like "Can't they see the existential threat is on its way". Kind of exasperated no one else can see the danger (he thinks) hes in. + Wrecking Ball by Mother Mother: I know I know its basic but I cant help it!!! Eef anger issues arc we are shaking hands me too + Haunted by Laura Les: Eef struggles with people seeing him as "just like his father" and I think we can get some good angst out of this track if we keep that in mind. Especially the back half of the song with lyrics like "Do you think I'm frightening?" and "Mirrors shatter when I'm passing, broken glass and crashing" since he is just a reflection of his dad (to others at least). Also song good.

KENT + Goodbye Mr A by The Hoosiers: Mfw the disillusionment with authority sets in. I think the vibe fits when he had that little epiphany about how adults are fucked- not perfect but it gets the idea across me thinks. + I'm Gonna Win by Rob Cantor: Ties into his need to "win" aka be the best at everything, be in charge, all that jazz! Hell do whatever it takes to be successful, even if it hurts. That was a little emo + Toba the Tura by Forgive Durden ft Chris Conley: Not to be emo again but "They say you're gifted, well I just see a scared kid. They must have flipped it, your skills are latent. O, you snuffed the glow. Replaced it with coals. Threw away the throne... This mess that you've made, it's a six-foot grave. It's a home for your lonesome bones that remain. We'll disappear, but you'll stay here to rot" AND SO ON AND SO FOURTH representing his fall after it was revealed he was sick. He was referred to as "the uncrowned king" and was on top of the world but then POOF that all crumbled and it was made out that he basically deserved what happened to him. It would be fun to make a pmv of him with this song (Simplifying my thoughts a bit because Ive already written a LOT)

NEWT + I Earn My Life by Lemon Demon: Ok a little Kentcore but Im actually having a hard time coming up with songs for Newton so here we are, they can share. Newt existential crisis moment time I guess + Know How by The Crane Wives: POV Newt struggles with going through with the plans he makes to keep everyone safe (stopping Max from touching Kent, going back into the cabin, etc) "I am not brave, I am not brave, I keep my focus on what is safe, You drew a line, made up your mind, And now I'm struggling to realize" And also maybe struggling with his place in the group and as a person in general- all that living through his cousin thing. "I gotta wrap my head around, What my heart is telling me, I've been trying to drown it out, Just because I know what I am, I am supposed to do now, Doesn't mean I know, Doesn't mean I know how" + On The Outside by Oingo Boingo: Idk man. Hes on the outside lookin in!! Loner nerd!! Its ok though, we still love him

SHEL + Bad Blood by Creature Feature: The lyrics speak for themselves: "I can guarantee I will do evil things, The only way that you can stop me now, Is if you put me in the ground, Somewhere I'll never be found" + Frontier Psychologist by The Avalanches: Hinges on the fact that the principal or whoever was like "Your sons a freak" and Shels mom was like "HES PERFECTLY FINE" while Shelley was like dismembering an animal or something + Johnny by American Murder Song: The songs good but theres this ONE LYRIC that sucks so the link provided is an edited version and also a lovely Warriors oc video I think you should all enjoy and support <3 Anyway Shel would be Johnny I could see this song being a scene in the book. Field trip to Shels house and they find his murder garden

If anyone wants more for Im not opposed to making another post :^)

#SORRY THIS TOOK A BIT #I had to use my brainpower and I am very easily distracted #max kirkwood #ephraim elliot #kent jenks #newton thornton #shelley longpre #the troop #the troop nick cutter

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ao3gingerswag · 3 years

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okay so I had a lil plot bunny for wander home I thought id share.

so I know that we don't really know how dean turned up at johns, I think you made a passing comment about him being left there but you said you hadn't really thought about it. I was thinking about wander home (as one is wont to do when ignoring any and all other responsibilities) and i had a little thought. so I'm thinking this is way in the future when sam is like 17/18, he's going through all the teenage angst and hes having thoughts about bio family. obviously, dean and cas are very happy at this point but sam for some reason gets it into his head that since he and dean aren't *actually* biologically related, their relationship means less and he starts obsessing over deans actual family and whether they could give him things sam couldn't (I think this would tie into a lot of guilt im sure sam has about his inaction during their childhood at johns even tho he was a literal child) and it's this whole guilt thing of whether or not dean has a better sam out there and how sam used him and all such guilt. so anyways, 17/18 sam is I imagine still doing his lessons with the pastor, perhaps he's been promoted to apprentice or whatever, and he decides to use his almost adulthood to try and track down deans bio family. I think he does this to get answers, solving the mystery of deans past (bc deans been with him entire life) but also to prove to himself whether he is actually keeping dean from a better life (o the teen angst) and maybe reunite them. so adventure commences, I imagine him searching through any records he can get his hands on (not many) and maybe lying to cas and dean and saying he's been send on an errand by the pastor and he goes back to John's inn to search for information. anyways after that all happens idk if it would be better for him to find out the truth or not, I can picture multiple endings that would work out differently which I can also add on later if you want but the ending point would be sam realising that dean IS his brother and they ARE enough and 'family don't end in blood' and all that jazz and he returns to the inn and maybe he tells them maybe he doesn't but either way he comes back a lot happier and dean and cas are like 🤨🤨 but they're happy he's seemed to come out of his funk and welcome him back with open arms and make a fuss out of him and sams like :]]]]

ohhhh noooooo this is wonderful!!!!!!! poor sammy :( having all the survivors guilt come back and blaming himself for things that were SO totally out of his control (sam: i didn’t lift a finger to help him ;~; ! dean cas bobby eileen pastor murphy literally everyone else they know: you were literally like 7 what the fuck were u supposed to do???) (also he DID lift a finger to help he always tried to help and risked his dad’s wrath for it, from the time he was like 3 years old ;~;)

anyway anyway. Sam goes Searching, maybe he has to confront john again to get the answers he wants (if john is even still alive idk. regardless i dont think he’d have his inn anymore lol not w/o dean and sam to do all the work. hes probably in debtors prison or whatever.) and yeah theres def no record of what happened to get dean into john’s hands. i think i mentioned in the outside that dean has a vague memory of being pulled away from his parents while crying ;~; but yeah they sold him to john. but like its the middle ages it wasnt like formal there was no paperwork. there is no record. but! maybe sam finds out where john is through the records he can access thru pastor murphy. maybe like he sees that john had been arrested and is in some prison, so he knows where to find him. maybe they only let him in because he can be like Look I’m Important I Work With Pastor Murphy or whatever. so they let him in ans he confronts john and gets to cathartically shout at him/punch him in the face/force him to tell him where he got dean and everything he knows about dean’s parents.

so he uses this information and finally tracks down dean’s parents. and! they suck! like theyre not EVIL per say. not like john. but they still sold dean to a creep who didnt make an effort to hide how he was gonna treat dean. and theyre...really not remorseful when sam is like hey i know ur long lost kid. the dude u sold him to turned him into a child prostitute. and theyre like well thats not OUR fault! like theyre really defensive and pissy and dont have any interest in meeting dean or even hearing about him. they just want to be left to their lives.

so for a while sam is super devestated about this. i think he kind of built up this whole thing in his head where he would find dean’s family and they’d be wonderful and better than sam and sam would reunite them, thus finally making dean permanently happy and making up for the imagined guilt he carries around bc of their childhoods.

(maybe this whole thing started bc while dean has generally become very happy with his life hes still fucked up, maybe he got into a depressive funk and had like a panicked breakdown like he hadn’t in years, and sam was like whoa. this is my fault and dean still isnt actually happy i guess. maybe if i can find his Perfect Other Family he’ll be happy)

so sam makes his way home all :( sad and depressed and feeling like he failed. and then! when he gets home! he comes in and he sees :) dean being happy :) (dean and cas weren’t worried about sam being gone bc they knew he was traveling, tho they didnt know the real reason). and dean is like smiling and laughing while baking bread with cas and sam is like.... :o and then dean sees sam! and hes like :DDDDD SAMMY YOU’RE BACK!!!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!! and he runs over and gives sam a big hug and lifts him into the air even tho sam is giant at this point. and sam is like. oh. OH. he has a good family already. cas is his family. and i am his family. and we do make him happy. even if his parents were good he wouldnt want to go live with them or whatever bc he already has a happy family and home here <3 ;~; ;~; ;~;

and he doesnt tell dean where he really was or what he was doing or about his biological family bc it literally doesnt matter at all <3 <3 <3 ;~; <3 :)

#ao3gingerswag #wander home #ideas #prompts #sammy!!#i think maybe sam does tell dean one day. like way waaaaay later #like when theyre in their 40s or something #until then dean doesnt need to hear about yet more ppl who didnt care about him. by the time hes like in his 40s hearing that #would make him sad but wouldnt impact his self esteem or something #so sam might tell him then if the topic comes up #also @hooomdooom i would also love to hear ur ideas for the endings!!#im just rambling on my lunch break :)

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floorbed · 3 years

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4 9 19 for agni!!

thank you quill!! under cut i love talking abt my girl >:)

4. Of the other members of the party, which of them would you have chosen to play if all the options were premade and laid out in front of you?

ohh i think it wld be theo bc i am obsessed w her. i love playing volcels in Dungeons And Dragons. also blood clerics rule

9. What are your character’s relationships like with every member of their party? Bonus, if you want to write a short blurb on your character’s opinion of them.

agni really appreciates adaeze and how open minded she is n willing to try things and also adaeze has helped her a lot in the past with like. social situations and she is very grateful for that bc adaeze is rlly good w words!!

agni considers cyrus one of her closest friends she just feels rlly safe w him and cares about him a Lot. his art makes her very happy bc it is very pretty (she treasures the little ring he made her) and she thinks he is very smart and gives good advice like that time he told her not to eat molten glass.

dendy is a funky little lizard man and agni loves him very much

agni used to be a little intimidated of elvira just with like her whole immortality moment and also Her Mind like her ability to Percieve.... but elvira is very kind to agni and has made her really sweet little gifts and has also saved her life by telling her not to eat poison things so agni is less intimidated now and more just super grateful that elvira considers her a friend hehe

felicity and agni got off to a rough start but w seras’ insight into felicity’s situation and where shes coming from agni feels bad she brought up bad things for her. she hopes shes doing alright even though she still is just a little wary of her

agni is trying to figure out how to tell kai he is not actually a cleric (she doesnt think) and that it was she who planted that symbol under his pillow As A Little Goof. she will strategize a way to let him know about that . sorry kai

agni is very impressed of theo and how smart she is and is very interested in how her magic works!! she has a lot of respect for her and her grind n wld give her samples of her blood any day. this is modern feminism et al

19. What bit of character development are you proudest of? What bit so you wish hasn’t happened? Is there any development you’re still waiting for?

im proud of her for learning abt The Power Of Friendship TM! shes spent most of her life in non purposeful emotional self-isolation so its been really cool to play out her finding out how it feels to really care about people and want to protect them and how it feels to be cared about in return you know! i wish she did not contract survivors guilt but well thats a tino pc rite of passage. agni is a very like. emotionally immature person (not in the sense that shes like, rude or insensitive or something just like. she does not have a lot of experience in Situations) so theres no specific development im waiting for but just sort of a general waiting to see how she further develops her selfhood and matures you know!!

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greensaplinggrace · 4 years

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I love watching antiheroes and morally grey characters like Ada and analyzing them but I dont like watching any form of manipulation being pushed as romance and thats what Leon and Adas relationship is for me. They do care about each other but why force the romance? Their relationship could be based on shared trauma, survivors guilt etc. Theres room for so much psychology if someone would just move beyond the idea of love between the first male and female characters that interact with each other

This is true in a sense, but I don’t really think it’s the manipulative aspect that’s being pushed as romantic. And to be quite honest, a lot of Ada’s manipulations die after the re2 remake, wherein they’re only meeting for the first time and haven’t formed nearly as strong a bond.

IMO, I don’t think the romance is forced at all, considering the years of build up we have, but that’s up to personal opinion and interpretation. I also think that a lot of people like to chalk the relationship down to the re2 remake and ignore every other interaction they’ve had over the years. After all, their ‘romance’ in the re2 remake is supposed to be forced. But I don’t think it’s at all forced every time they meet afterward, and I think the core connection they formed in Raccoon City holds a lot of weight, despite being mired in the duplicity of their first meeting.

If that’s what Leon and Ada’s relationship is to you, then I’m certainly not going to say you’re wrong or that your interpretation is invalid, because it’s not, but to me and what I’ve gathered of the games and other media, their romance is far from the forced and manipulative push and pull people like to say it is.

By my interpretation, the romantic aspect is separate from the manipulative one, and grows outside of the setbacks these actions bring. In tandem with the lessening of their rivalry, the romance grows and the betrayals lessen, until we’ve reached this point in the timeline of the games. Ada hasn’t betrayed Leon since re4. In fact, I think re4 was where the rock and settle of their relationship was the strongest, with Ada in equal amounts helping and going against him. But ever since then, as I mentioned before, we’ve seen the romance grow and the negative aspects lessen. Re6 and Damnation were pretty solid in terms of interactions for them, although I know a lot of people disagree with me on that point. I think a romance that takes as long as this one has and that has developed as long as this one has isn’t forced, especially given what we’ve seen of the source material.

Which isn’t to say I’m not critical of some aspects or that I don’t think Capcom needs to get their act together if they actually want to make Aeon canon, but at this point in time, without other installments to rely on, I think the romantic aspect is still very much authentic and possible.

And of course I agree that we should stop forcing ridiculous romances between the first male and female characters that interact with each other (I would also like to point out that this would actually apply to Cleon more than Aeon, considering the ways they first meet and the time overall they spend actually getting to know each other in Raccoon City), but I don’t think Ada and Leon’s relationship is like that.

I don’t see why we can’t have a healthy analysis of their trauma and the bond they formed over it even with the romantic aspect. The room for psychological analyses isn’t negated just because there’s a possibility for romance, and organic romantic relationships are often built on friendships, strong bonds, and the depth of people’s care for each other. Ada and Leon do care for each other, if you take away everything else. I don’t think it’s unfair to say that that care is both a friendship one and a romantic one, with something possibly far more complex added to the mix.

So anyways, that’s my take on it. Just from my own experiences and interpretations of the media/text. I’ll never say that their relationship can’t use some work, or that Capcom isn’t seriously pushing it here with how long this has been going on, but I disagree that it’s a romance glorifying and built on manipulation. I think it’s a romance that’s grown outside of all opposing factors, and I think it’s an amazing one.

#ada wong #resident evil #re games #leon kennedy #aeon #ada wong appreciation post #myramblings #re2 remake #re4 #re6 #re damnation #resident evil 2 remake #asks and answers #anon #mymetas

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