#i currently have like at least 8 different very time consuming ideas i want to draw XD

[idiotdriftinginspace]

Mars 2 electric boogalo ᕦ( ᐕ )ᕡ

hey @lets-try-some-writing i've made more stuff, since:

1-i can't control myself or the amount of ideas that just come to my mind XD; and

2- I'm having SO MUCH FUN AND JOY making these and seeing other people also enjoy these :)

So Mars despite his near non existent magnetic field and atmosphere also have aurora borealis, smaler but still aurora...and I just couldn't help myself :D

A little eplenation since Mars doesn't have canon design, I just winged it and tired to mash Ares and a planetary titan, hence why the shoulder pads and skirt flaps both have the surface texture just like Earth, but at the same time are stylized after whatever greek armor Ares have

The big circles on his left arm - that's Olympus Mons: It is Mars's tallest volcano, its tallest planetary mountain, and is approximately the tallest mountain currently discovered in the Solar System. So what's a better use for it than to use it alongside classical ✨transformers mass shifting✨, and turn it into hidden/compressed shield - also borrowed from Ares, but i also think it fits his personality to have one

And now i think my absolute favorite detail: The Markings

I couldn't get your drawing of Convoy with these markings out of my head, and the fact that Mars is old and definitely had an amazing relation with his citizens before departure, so I just thought that it would be really cool and cute if the markings were a gift from his previous citizens. Either during their stay, simply as a "thank you" or "we love you", or as a parting gift, so he could always remeber them the "we're always with you, we'll never forget you" :')

And i had to throw the biolights? the energon lines running on the body (or as I like to call them: "TRON lights". I just love the concept of cybertronians to have such thing, and this is why (among many other things) I love TFP Soundwave and Shockwave and the whole IDW/MTMTE designs :D

Overall I had SO MUCH FUN drawing these AAAAHHHHH and again I'm so happy you like it as much as i enjoy making them

Bonus, because I CAN NOT BE STOPPED (⊙ヮ⚆)

Yeah he holds them in a baby carier, as for the (way to small for a titan and a buch of rovers barely the size of a car) size difference, ehm: ✨the magic of transformers mass shifting✨...and it being a cute image

close up on the babies:

(shhh I know that as of writing this post Marie Curie and Ingenuity are not canon, but neither is Marss design and I want one big happy family ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ )

Part 1: Earth

#the number of new ideas that i get while doing just about anything is growing exponentially #yet the amount of time i have slowly decreases #and the finals coming up in about 1 #like i got 3 new just while drawing the basic mars #and they keep on coming #i currently have like at least 8 different very time consuming ideas i want to draw XD #while having time for maaaybe a half XD #transformers #maccadam #unicron and earth au #my art #that is a lot of text #so much rambling-luckly this is just the site for it XD #huh i coincidently posted the Earth one somwhere around american mother's day #technically for me it was already sunday #1am heh #XD this could be a very early one for father's day #i also can just reblog this one when the day comes XD #i just wanna spread happines

[magicaltear]

An Outside Chance Author Update

Hello, my dear readers. Before anyone starts panicking, I wanted to state that my fic has not been abandoned. Updates will hopefully go back to our regular semi-schedule soon.

I wanted to share this little journal entry with all of you because I am hyperaware that it's been almost 8 months since I posted the latest chapter. I'm unsure if this will assuage the writer guilt I'm currently feeling, but I wanted to reach out and nurture the community part that makes fandoms such fun and welcoming spaces for all of us at the very least.

My life became a roller coaster after I last updated AOC. I went on a trip to visit my girlfriend (yes, my Friends to Lovers trope continues) and, for the first time in my life, I had no desire to use my phone or laptop throughout the day. I felt so at peace, so content simply living in the moment with her. I realized this is how true love and home feel like, and so we agreed we wanted to marry even before my trip ended.

After my trip, my time was consumed by designing an engagement ring for her, researching everything about marrying someone from a different country, as well as searching for a more stable job to help pay for all the future paperwork and visa fees. Sadly, not everything was a walk in the clouds. I had to come out to my family and...they didn't take it well. It was a very hard blow that I had to learn how to overcome. However, the situation also allowed me to receive unconditional support from the most unlikely places, so I'll be eternally grateful to everyone who stuck by my side.

But my challenges didn't end there. Tensions in my country grew nearly unbearable as elections grew closer, and I find it difficult to believe that they have now come and gone. The hardest thing for me to experience though was the first death in my family. Indeed, we had already lost my beloved Beagle, but this time we had to say goodbye to my mother's husband much earlier than anyone would have wanted. He wasn't my father, but I still have many fond memories of the 17 years we spent together. He was part of the family, and we've all been struggling and learning how to navigate this new grief we're experiencing while taking care of my widowed mother.

Through all of this, I constantly received comments and kudos in my AO3 fics, and I wanted to thank my wonderful readers for it. You guys helped me smile during one of the most difficult parts of my life, and you gave me hope for our fandom communities at a time when companies are shamelessly stealing content from anyone for their stupid AI software and newer fans are failing to recognize writers and artists as something other than corporate content creators.

So thank you so much for your support. I promise to continue An Outside Chance once my grief is not so all-consuming. I still have many plans and ideas for this story, and I refuse to give up being creative yet ♡

TL;DR: Life happened. Hard. But the unexpected hiatus does not mean An Outside Chance is an abandoned fanfic. I will post the next chapter as soon as I can. In the meantime, you're welcome to re-read all 77,456 words I've published so far and drop me more of your lovely comments. You make writing and posting these stories worth it.

★ An Outside Chance Masterlist ★ Read it on AO3

#tear-chan talks #ao3 #fanfic #an outside chance #ironstrange #author update

[thekimspoblog]

FotD 1:

@joshgoodman: Thinking of some ideas currently; I've had this one circling my head. Somehow kim and Jim find themselves camping out like the kettlemans did (without the stolen money) to avoid being found by (insert threat here). Iris and fille are around 8 and 6 respectively

Me: That'd be cute! Fighting with trying to set up the tent, Kim would probably do most of it; Jimmy's threatening to slip a disk. Fille keeps asking what the hell we're actually doing out here. Iris tells her not to ask stupid questions.

"Iris, don't call your sister stupid"

"I'm not! I said her question was! There's a difference!"

Did they bring any food?

Me: In my timeline, one of the main tragic things is how this life weighs on Kim's sanity. She never really got over the trauma of the cartel following her back in '04, that's when the sheepdog dreams started; that's when she started believing in God, simply because she felt like someone or something was watching her and plotting against her at all times. Especially after Jimmy dies, paranoia really starts to consume her. She becomes a powerful mob boss nearing the end of her life, but no amount of security measures bring her peace of mind. Once Jimmy's out of the picture, things start to get a little Howard Hughes.

But yeah, even while he's around, he is sometimes worried she's getting neurotic, but it's not like he can't empathize; he never stopped looking over his shoulder either. Out here in the woods, every rustle in the grass could be a mountain lion or worse.

Him: They brought enough food for a week, but then they'd have to catch and cook their own. Which Jimmy might have an issue with. I think a mountain lion would be the least of their worries, it can be scared away; a cartel member with a gun/intent to hurt kim/her family isn't as easily scared away.

Me: Why do you think Jimmy would have a problem? Just not very good at hunting/fishing?

Kim considered taking a gun, but they both decided it would create more problems than it would solve. Even if Fille or Iris don't play with it, firing off a wild shot into the bushes could be a really bad idea; they're hiding from the law on fraud/extortion/other non violent charges. If she accidentally shot a cop who was coming to arrest them, now they're both back to looking at life. Not losing custody is always the top priority.

Even killing a "Made" man/woman would just incite retaliation. If the mafia kills them, best to just pray they'll spare the kids. Starting a shoot out would just be loud and dangerous.

I guess if they really believed the kids were in danger, they would have to give them up and leave them with someone, but thankfully it's never come to that.

Him: Based off of Jimmy's character, I'd think he'd have a terrible time hunting and fishing, yea. Also, he might have an issue with killing the animal he's able to retrieve.

I think kim would settle for a bow? Not sure if she has an archery background; iris would LOVE that. Fille could care less. But who would they leave them with, is the question? Mike is dead, so is dawson. The church is questionable

Me: I don't think Jimmy would have a problem killing an animal. He might be squeamish, but he was never a pacifist or vegetarian.

Highly doubt they would have thought to bring archery supplies. If they run out of food, they should just head back into town.

And when all else fails, they always have the option to call a social worker themselves. They REALLY don't want to do that, they've been trying to keep the kids safe off the grid. But nothing is worth endangering their lives. Even Fille would be unhappy in that arrangement.

Pretty sure "My parents only abandoned me because they're traveling con artists. But they promised they were coming back once the mob boss is dead" is foster home for "please beat me up for telling such outrageous lies".

Iris would look out for Fille, but who's looking out for poor Iris?  In the eyes of any conformist parent or teacher, Iris would be labeled a troubled child with behavioral issues. Even if their foster parents accepted their queerness, and that's a big if, nobody's going to listen to their indoctrination about the reasons shoplifting is a public good. Probably end up getting put on Ritalin or some shit.

Still, as long as Iris knew where they came from, why they feel this way all the time,they could at least try to fit in. In the timeline where Iris was born in 2005 and Kim gave them up out of guilt for what happened to Howard, Iris's life was terrible; just grew up confused and angry. Tarzan might not know what a human is, but he would still know he wasn't an ape. Kim saw these futures; even aborting them would be less cruel than leaving them to be raised by someone else. Iris needed their parents; they were the only ones who understood, the only ones who could shape this overgrown hedge of wild energy into a countercultural topiary. No matter what other childhood trauma they absorbed, the worst thing you could ever do is leave them without direction or purpose.

Him: Squeamish, that's the word I was looking for. But if it comes to survival, what wouldn't he do for his family?

Him: I wonder if the social worker would be an option? Kim wouldn't want to put the kids through that, they would find the best option one way or another.

Ah yes, Ritalin. Or as I like to call it, the zombie drug. That shit doesn't work and fuck any doctor who puts kids on it

Me: No matter what happens, at least Iris and Fille have eachother. It's not that Fille can't feel that Wexler-McGill blood in their veins; Fille is different from Iris by choice, not nature. But as the youngest in the family, as the last one always in pool when it comes to mischief, she can see how recklessness never leads to anything good.

Fille is better at pretending to be a "good kid" but she'd still feel deeply alone without her big sibling.

If she was left alone, Fille would probably be a troublemaker too. She's only such a square and a goody-goody because that's the only way she could have rebelled in a family of rebels.

Him: Ah, so fille chooses to be a goody two shoes because that's not what people expect when they see that family.

I don't think they would be apart for long, even separated by the foster care system if it came to that. Those two would always find a way back to each other

Me: Main problem is Jimmy and Kim don't want to admit failure a first time, because CPS is going to be breathing down their neck from then onward. For some reason, as long as the kids are biologically yours, most bizarre parenting choices are accepted as long as the government hasn't already labeled you a bad mother.

When Love Quinn was brought back by Dolores, the thing she wanted most was to see Henry again. But Dante and Lansing are good dads, and showing up in Henry's life now would just upset and confuse him. Admitting that she deserved to lose custody of her son was the hardest thing she's had to do, but it's for the best to just move on, try to be better moving forward.

Him: Do Love and Henry ever reunite? Or are those days behind them?

Me: Probably when Henry is older.

Iris probably would ask for archery lessons after reading the Hunger Games. Iris was always outdoorsy, but this probably is just a phase.

Him: What kind of phase would fille go through, if you had to guess?

Me: Well both siblings do have an interest in music. Iris learned to play the guitar from Jimmy; Fille would probably go ahead and find herself a piano teacher.

Him: I feel like iris would also take an interest in drums, maybe?

Me: Sounds about right.

I mean Jimmy and Kim want to encourage their hobbies. This is what the money is for.

Him: Iris would take an interest in archery, drums, and guitar while fille does piano, and maybe...swimming?

Me: Yes Fille loves the ocean. Probably cus of that goldfish soul.

Him: Ooh! Kayaking!

Me: I think Iris would be more into motor boats

Him: Boats are fun. Maybe they could take a vacation to the great lakes/some type of beach.

FotD 2:

Me: I guess yesterday I was also thinking about them making a big score, and then taking the kids shopping for new clothes. The kids complain, but it's still fun dressing them up like little dolls.

Him: I didn't think iris would go for that? Maybe fille

Me: Well Iris has always loved dress up, but plain clothes shopping is always a little boring for kids.

Me: Kim saying "Try this one on. It's a little bit big but you'll grow into it... hmm no; that's actually too big, you'll be tripping and face planting all over"

Me: But yes, those two love shopping for the family. I mean Jimmy and Kim have been eachothers gay best friend stereotypes since all the way back to law school, but the last time they actually spent a substantial amount of money like this was a few years ago at Babies-R-Us. Since leaving the church, it's mostly been consignment shops. Nothing fancy that wasn't secondhand.

Which is why they want to get each of the four of them a new outfit that will last for next few years

Him: I don't think jim + kim would contribute to chains if they didn't have to. Always choosing places like goodwill over walmart

Me: Nah they'd still go somewhere nice. Kim's love for shiny things outweighs her communist sympathies.

She wants to pretend she's not materialistic, but low-maintenance bitches don't drink thousand dollar tequila or wear real gold.

I mean Goodwill is fine and all, but this is Prada man! She's only human!

Honestly Kim's hypocrisy with how she identifies with class I think is a really interesting facet of her personality.

This is why wealth redistribution campaigns always fail: first of all, in order to adequately navigate the upper class, the revolutionary already typically needs a middle class education or better. And second, even if an army does manage to steal from the rich, the leader finds it hard to actually give those winnings to the poor instead of just pocketing it. Kim hates rich people... except for herself; that person is a lucid and benevolent matriarch who DESERVES to be managing the money!

#FotD #mcwexler parenthood au #slippin kimmy

[jon-withnoh]

Finally answering this question from @gayvillainera (from an ask game a while back).

“🍈 Who’s your blorbo and what are some of your favorite headcanons/ideas about them that repeatedly show up in your fics? Free pass to rant about blorbo opinions.“

I‘ve decided to go all out for this and will be giving you my opinions on Danny, Rebecca and Beatrice, since they‘re all POV characters in my current fic.

1) Danny: No fictional character has had this much of a chokehold on me since I first listened to Wicked in 2018. I don‘t think it‘s possible for me to get enough of this character. Every single actress, acting choice, (un-)official sequel or fic delights me. I love seeing what other people make of her. Personally, I see Danny as a person who knows what it‘s like to be extremely lonely. She has some interesting parallels with Ich in this regard — I imagine her as someone who probably grew up pretty isolated / did not have many friends or family, so when she started working for Rebecca, she was all too ready to pour all of her affection and devotion into her. Another interesting parallel between Danny and Ich is their lack of first names. Both Mrs Danvers and Mrs de Winter are names that almost double as (job) titles. What‘s devastating about Danny‘s name is that the more intimate name we do have for her is a nickname given to her by Rebecca. Almost every aspect of her life is defined by Rebecca and later her absence. In terms of writing her, I adored writing soft, stoic, traumatised Danny for Was Wird Aus Uns. As you‘ll see, Danny in Nie Wirst Du Mir Ganz Gehören is quite different — she still has that tenderness that I think comes through in almost all versions of her, but I‘m leaning into her jealousy and possessiveness over Rebecca a lot more. Bottom line, I adore Danny. I love her complexity and all-consuming yearning.

2) Rebecca: Rebecca fascinates me. I have trouble with readings that paint her as purely evil. The novel is a lot more subtle than that. Another thing that irks me about one-dimensional interpretations of Rebecca is that they have a tendency to leave out important context — for example that Rebecca would have had a much harder time divorcing Maxim than he would have divorcing her. In terms of my own reading of the character, as with Danny, I enjoy Rebecca‘s complexity. I like reading her and Maxim as two people who are actually quite similar in temperament, but have very different approaches to tradition and morality. For my current fic, I‘m trying to figure out Rebecca‘s motivations — what does she want? Does she love Danny and if so, in what way does she love Danny? I like playing around with the idea that putting on the mask of Mrs de Winter would have put quite the strain on Rebecca, no matter how proficient she was at it. She feels like a person who has never fully learned to identify and deal with her emotions, at least partly because Danny is so ready to deal with everything for her. I have a lot more thoughts but they‘re difficult to put into words, so you‘ll have to wait for my next few chapters :)

3) Beatrice: Darling Beatrice. I love her. My favourite Beatrice headcanon is that her marriage to Giles is purely platonic (I like to think of Giles as ace) and that these two are devoted life partners. Part of this headcanon is that Giles actually was the one to introduce Beatrice to her romantic life partner, a woman named Grace (stay tuned for my Beatrice backstory fic). Furthermore, I love Beatrice‘s ability to have chemistry with every single woman in the narrative. I can see her with pretty much everyone. In my current fics, Bee is about 8 years older than Maxim and since I mistakenly assumed Maxim is 45, that makes her 53. I wouldn‘t write Beatrich with this kind of age difference, but I can see it in different contexts. I don‘t want to spoil too much about my current fic, but I‘m in love with the idea that both Danny/Beatrice and Rebecca/Beatrice have hooked up/are hooking up and the messy dynamics this could lead to between the three of them.

I am not writing this on my phone so I‘ll probably post it and then be shocked by how long it is… Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my rambles, I‘m always happy to ramble more! I love these sad messed up women so much.

#rebecca das musical #mrs danvers #danvich #danbecca #Rebecca/Beatrice #Danbea #Beavers #Everyone‘s a mess and it delights me #Also please don‘t come for me I left out some of the more fucked up things on purpose #wheeee q&a time!

[mdemontespan1667]

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve seen a marked increase in hate directed at my fellow writers of DARK fics by cowardly Anons. While each and every writer has undoubtedly held their own against the stupidity aimed at them, I have reached the point where I can no longer just Like and Reblog. So settle in and buckle up. This may be a long and bumpy ride.

1) First and foremost, YOU, AND ONLY YOU, ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MEDIA YOU CHOOSE TO CONSUME. It is not your place to decide A) What someone else writes and B) What someone else reads. I follow hundreds of Blogs on the site. The vast majority contain consensual sex, fluff, angsty etc. In other words not DARK content. Non-DARK content is incredibly easy to find. Even though DARK fics are becoming more popular they are still out numbered at least 100 to 1. You either have to be specifically looking for the DARK tag or following someone who consistently posts DARK fics to find them. So if DARK fics offend you unfollow the writer or filter out the DARK tag. If a DARK fic does somehow make its way onto your feed, be a damn adult and scroll past it. No one is standing behind you holding your eyes open making you read.

2) DARK fics are just another extension of “rape fantasy” which is a well documented (both scholarly and unscholarly) phenomenon. Rape fantasy “fics” have been found in print since at least the 1600’s. They were extremely popular during the Victorian period. In fact I’d be willing to bet that your mother, grandmother or great grandmother (depending on your age) read romance novels that, at the very least, contained dubious consent sexual situations. Do a quick search of the best selling romance books of the 70’s and 80’s. Most of them contained non-consent sexual situations. Today’s DARK fic is nothing new.

3) Rape fantasies/DARK fics have ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING TO DO WITH ACTUAL RAPE. It does not in any way, shape or form mean a person wants to be violently sexually assaulted. Nor does it mean they want any other person to be violently sexually assaulted. It’s a fantasy. Make believe.

4) DARK fics aren’t written because the writer is “sick,” “disgusting,” “perverted,” etc etc etc. That’s it. That’s all.

5) DARK fics/Rape fantasies have always been a way for women to take control of their bodies. Historically (and even currently) women have had their sexuality suppressed. “Good” girls weren’t supposed to actually enjoy sex. Sex with their husband has been referred to as the “woman’s curse,” “wifely duty,” etc etc. Women who enjoy sex, actively pursue sex, have more than one sexual partner, or experiment with sex are referred to as sluts, whores, wanton, nymphomaniacs, unnatural, witches, the list goes on and on. Out of sexual repression and frustration the “rape fantasy” was born. Rape fantasies allow women to enjoy sex without the guilt. Most DARK fics include the woman orgasming, usually multiple times, which in and of itself is unusual in the real world. (Hell, women fake orgasms so they don’t hurt their partners feelings or are too shy to ask for what they need in bed). Rape fantasies give women the freedom to experience sexual acts they may have been told were “gross” ie receiving oral sex or “taboo” ie anal sex or multiple partners. DARK fics work the same way. In the enlightened age of 2021 women’s bodies are STILL being regulated. We are still being called sluts and whores for actively pursuing sexual satisfaction. DARK fics give us the opportunity to explore our sexual desires and needs in a guilt free environment. You have an earth shattering orgasm from having your pussy eaten until you cry? No shame because you didn’t have a choice. Get off from having your face fucked? No shame because you didn’t have a choice. See how this works? Rape fantasies/DARK fics are an escapist way to enjoy sex. To wallow in pleasure that you have no choice but to enjoy.

5) Some DARK fics pull in aspects of BDSM or rather subsets of BDSM. The BDSM community is a large and varied one. There are hundreds of kinks. One of the subsets includes Edge play which involves kinks such as pain, knife, fear, degradation, blood etc. DARK fics can also include some form of a Dominate/submissive dynamic. Again, it’s a subset of D/s relationships that delve into “consensual” non-consensual sex acts. Play or scenes revolve around the submissive being taken against their will, “forced” to engage and enjoy the sexual acts being performed. As with rape fantasies/DARK fics it allows the submissive to enjoy sex, in a safe environment, without the guilt. This is probably TMI but as a submissive myself Edge play allows me to fully experience my sexuality by allowing me to give control over to someone else. DARK fics serve the same purpose. (True BDSM ALWAYS involves willing partners and healthy power dynamics.)

6) People deal with trauma in a million different ways. DARK fics are a way for people to work through their feelings. NEITHER YOU NOR ANYONE ELSE GETS TO DICTATE HOW SOMEONE DEALS WITH THEIR TRAUMA. I will not expand on this because I have no idea how others deal with trauma and I will not make presumptions as to why they choose the methods they do.

7) It is perfectly normal to become sexually aroused or think a DARK fic “is hot.” It all goes back to allowing oneself to enjoy sex without the guilt. Having numerous partners at the same time, anal sex or female receiving oral sex are common themes in DARK fics. In the real world women who participate in multiple partner sex or anal sex are still, unfairly, seen as “dirty” or “slutty,” or “freaky.” However, men who engage in the same acts with women are not. DARK fics allow women the freedom they are denied.

8) Despite the reasons I have listed above, no one needs a reason or your permission, to write, read, and enjoy a DARK fic.

I apologize if I rambled on. But this subject pisses me off. It is neither mine nor any other writer's job to cater to what you deem acceptable.

(This post focuses on the cis female/male dynamic of DARK fics. “Female” could be replaced with gay, lesbian, trans, bi, asexual, pansexual, gender fluid or any other individual/gender who has been denied access to enjoy their own sexuality. I do understand that there are many other factors that affect those not considered cis female or male but, due to my own lacking, I don’t know enough to properly and respectfully address those factors. I apologize for this.)

[tiniestjellifish]

Crush (2022) | hulu

so,,, i lied. but I just watched this movie and I wanna give it the review it deserved while it’s fresh in my mind and not the half baked one i gave on my spam.

going into the movie, i had bias against the leading actress, rowan blanchard, because of her infamous biphobia streak around 2017-2018. I remember being heartbroken as a little bi girl who had a crush on her, and honestly thought maybe she was just being complicit with other peoples opinions rather than actually say any of these things herself. because the receipts had been likes of biphobic tweets and her bf at the time making very outwardly rude comments about bisexuality being an invalid sexual orientation.

why does this affect the review? because one of her co-leading ladies, auli’i cravalho, is 1) bisexual herself, and 2) plays a bisexual teenage girl. And I couldn’t for the life of me stop thinking about how contradictory it was for her to take this role if she looks down upon bisexual people. and auli’i also said she was biphobic when working with her. so great. there’s just something disingenuous about having a biphobic lead for a queer love film, with a bi love interest.

but the film itself: eh? like it had its moments. and in all said moments, i take into account all the queer media i’ve consumed up until this point. and how only a decade ago they wouldn’t have made this movie. and i try to be grateful. but i also think about the fact that you should do your best if you know this is something not to be taken lightly, this is a feat not many get to experience.

this in mind, the film felt a little squished. they had a lot of current jokes and references they wanted to make to what it’s like being a young queer person, or more specifically wlw/nblw today and it was bad. like the jokes were hit or miss, but the ones that were good were pretty darn good. but they tried to bite off more than they could chew with it. I will also say, for a movie that at least I keep seeing marketed as a “not just about coming out” movie, they fell a little flat. yes, paige (the protagonist), had long since come out before the timeline presented to us in the movie but then what? they kept having flashbacks to her as a baby gay and it almost didn’t matter because they just wouldn’t let you breathe from acknowledging she knew she was gay at like 8/9. like thanks, cool, keep going. but keep going they did not. they also don’t really let paige go a sentence without saying she’s gay. which i wish would’ve been more normalized, like the main girl paige has a crush on, gabriela. she’s wildly popular, objectively pretty, and openly gay. everyone knows she’s a lesbian, it’s a fact, and the world keeps spinning without her stating it every 2 seconds. love it, she doesn’t hide being into girls but it’s not like it’s her entire personality as if she’s only just come out. and neither has paige, but they sure write her like she did.

the love triangle was beautifully executed, as well as the slow build up to realizing AJ’s crush on Paige. they didn’t just throw it on you all at once. you felt like you watched her crush grow or saw it in the little things she did, thinking about the way you might act when you yourself have a crush. very sweet and just the right amount of slowburn.

the sister dynamic of Gabriela and AJ, also exceptional. they didn’t have to terrorize us with exposition to have an idea of their relationship, it was there. maybe it was good chemistry that carried the subtle screenwriting, regardless I commend it. they cared for eachother without saying ily all the time and had notable differences in popularity that could clearly divide the two. everything made sense.

kingpun arc was a little predictable because it’s a trope, but they followed the trope just as they should’ve.

the movie hit all the points when i consider that it is just a teen romcom. the grand romantic gesture, sacrifices for eachother. the crush being revealed before they protagonist intended. and bonus points in my book for creating the new trope of straight best friend, who has a stable, excessive PDA but endearing relationship. steady comic relief that I didn’t mind whatsoever. I think i could hate watch this movie 3 more times into being a dirty pleasure movie like Tall Girl, it’s bad but like it’s a comfort film. still bad though.

in numerical value I think it’s a 5.5/10, and a 6.5/10 in the moments where I pretend down blanchard isn’t biphobic :). but that’s not reality, so that’s why it’s not my actual rating.

whew, it feels kinda nice to write a full unfiltered hottake, i will become addicted to this page.

#crush hulu #hot take #film critic #movie review

[demoutd2511]

From GGC to LU

Firstly, what has drawn you to this academic program? Secondly, as a consumer of knowledge, who do you rely upon for information? Consider perhaps three or more "sources". How do you ensure this information is reliable? How does this relate to this program? (Blog Prompt #1 from Dr. Amanda Hooykaas)

The outdoors, especially camping, has been a part of my life since I was about 5 years old, as that was the first time I went camping with my Spark unit. The only thing I remember about that trip was exploring a frog pond and trying to catch them; I don’t remember if anyone was successful, but the leaders did serve as “frog legs” later that day as something to eat, so possibly?! From that first camping trip, I have camped and traveled with Girl Guides of Canada (GGC) at least 20 times, along with camping with my family on road trips to the east coast.

The first time I heard of Lakehead and this program was the summer of 2018, when I worked at Neys Provincial Park. Of the ~15 staff members, 8 of them currently or had attended Lakehead, and 3 of them were in this program. Meghan, Justin, and Stephane talked a lot about all the cool stuff they had done, along with their upcoming class trips later that summer. I had just finished grade 10 and had no idea of what I wanted to do for post-secondary. I still didn’t know by the end of the summer, but what they said started with me for the rest of high school; and in the end, I applied and picked to follow their (among others) advice to come here to the ORPT program at Lakehead!

Below is a picture of Neys PP's Natural Heritage Education team for the summer of 2018. The people in the photo (left to right) are: Kat, Meghan, me, Maureen, and Stephane. This picture is from @neysprovinicalpark's IG page and was posted on August 28, 2018.

As a consumer of knowledge, I gain information from a lot of places, but the main three I rely on are: (1) Books and libraries, (2) the internet, and (3) the news.

I am a very avid reader, so I have read a lot of books and visited many libraries in 4 different towns. A lot of my random facts come from books along with the internet, from all my fact-checking for the new facts from the books. Social media is not the most reliable source for information, but it’s another place I have learned something new from, after some other research to double-check its truthfulness. I watched the news more when I was younger, as my parents watched it to find out what was happening in the world.

I know all of these sources have the chance of not containing reliable, or truthful information. So, I make sure to fact-check the facts with other sources writing about the same or similar topics, along with looking at the author and companies saying this information. If the author has experience in that field and can prove that, I trust their opinions and written works more than someone who doesn’t have the experience or knowledge. The same goes for companies, like BBC and Wikipedia; if they are knowledgeable in a subject, along with other trustable sites saying similar things to them, I’m more likely to trust and rely on their information.

This relates to the program, as for me, the professors are reliable sources as they have the knowledge and first-hand experience in the field, or know someone else who does.

#outdoors #ontarioparks #research

[thedumpsterqueen]

Standards of Performance, Chapter 7: Hangovers and Confrontations

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6

AO3 Link

I’ve been crazy busy this week, so this one is a bit short, I’m sorry! Thank you for your kind, complimentary, and h*rny thoughts in my messages this week. They truly keep me going. Big shoutout, also, to the few people that have messaged me angry about how long it’s taking Hotch and reader to get together - you had ample warning I was gonna drag this out ;) Final bit of business: there will be no chapter next Friday. I’m going to take the next two weeks to get ahead on writing so I’m not panicking when the content starts to get longer and more ~intense~. I’m sorry for that :( Thank you so much for your continued support, truly. You’re all amazing. Lastly - shoutout to @honeyshores for your advice on this one <3

Summary:  You’re the BAU’s newest intern, desperate to prove yourself amongst an established team of much more experienced profilers. Agent Hotchner, the seemingly infallible team leader, sets strict expectations for your performance. He commands your respect without even trying, but is there something more to your relationship than a simple desire to impress your stony-faced boss?

Chapter Summary: You try to determine whether it's the hangover or Hotch causing more of your headache. 

Words: 2320

Rating: Explicit, 18+. Warnings on AO3.

Pairings: Hotch x Reader, Hotch x You

Your phone’s ringtone blared into your ear, waking you up from a dreamless sleep. Opening it to check the notification, you groaned at the bright light emitting from the screen. Upon seeing it was a text from Hotch, all traces of unconsciousness dissipated, and you sat up in bed, head pounding.

Ok, so you were really fucking hungover.

After Hotch freaked out on you last night and you ditched Cooper, you’d made it your mission to have fun with the rest of the team, which involved you buying everyone many more drinks. It worked - you didn’t leave until 2 am - but you were about to pay the price, because Hotch apparently wanted everyone at the office in 30 minutes. You checked the time.

7:00 am.

If you didn’t know better, you would’ve thought he was doing this on purpose.

You showered and threw on a dress, praying the commute to the BAU would give the 3 ibuprofen currently digesting in your otherwise empty stomach time to work.

  It didn’t - in fact, it just provided ample time for the nausea to set in. But by the haggard looks everyone else was shooting as they settled into the meeting room, they seemed to be in the same boat. 

Garcia, wearing massive sunglasses and laying on the couch in the corner, spoke first. “I threw up in the shower this morning.”

Morgan raised his head out of his crossed arms on the table, probably about to make some quip about Garcia and showers, but seemed to think better of being upright and laid his head back down with a grunt. 

“I feel great,” Reid said with a smile, prompting groans out of everyone, including yourself.

“That’s because you had like, 3 drinks.” JJ said. “And 2 of them were beer.”

“It’s also because I drank an appropriate amount of water. Did you know if you consume 8 ounces of water with each alcoholic drink, you can reduce the incidence of hangovers by-”

“Kid,” Rossi interrupted, taking a break from gulping down a massive mug of coffee. “Know your audience.”

“Everyone here?” Hotch asked, walking in and flicking on the lights, which earned him a collective hiss from the rest of the team. His shock at the reaction quickly turned to faint amusement. “More importantly, is everyone capable of working today without throwing up in a trashcan?”

“I’ll do my best, Sir, but I make no promises,” said Garcia, who definitely looked the worst for wear.

“Well, good, because Internal Affairs requested the Use of Deadly Force reviews early this year.”

Another groan from everyone, with the exception of you, who had no idea what reports he was referring to. As if reading your mind, Hotch turned to you and explained, “Use of Deadly Force reviews are required reports we fill out annually in which we analyze and justify every situation where deadly force was used against a subject. I know you weren’t here for most of these, but you can still help type them up, and it’ll be helpful to go over the cases for your learning.”

You nodded, not thrilled to watch the team dredge up the worst moments of the past year, but thrilled that today’s task didn’t require you to move from your chair. Hotch slid a box of files onto the table, reminded you all that he’d be in his office if you needed anything, and took his leave.

“Doesn’t he have to go over these with us, seeing as…” you trailed off, unsure how to speculate that Hotch was probably the one to take the shot in at least half of these cases.

Morgan knew what you were trying to say. “He goes over them before we submit the reports to Internal Affairs.” He grabbed the top file from the box and grimaced. “The Toelle case, man, remember that one?”

Prentiss sighed and rubbed her temples. “Just when I thought I might get through the day without losing my breakfast.”

  ____________

  You pushed your laptop away and slouched back into your chair. “I need a break.”

It was a miracle you’d made it to this point, honestly - your headache was now raging despite pain relievers, and you’d spent half the day meticulously poring over the actions of some of the BAU’s most gruesome killers. (Prentiss was right - the Toelle file had been enough to make everyone, even Reid, turn a little green).

“You doing alright, kiddo?” Rossi asked, peering over the file he was reading.

“Just hungover. Went a little harder than I expected to, ya know?”

“What happened with Hotch last night?” Reid asked.

“Reid!” JJ admonished. 

Morgan shrugged. “Hey, we’re all thinking it. We saw him drag you outside, then he stormed back in and left. How’d you manage to piss him off so bad?”

“I’m surprised you noticed anything. You were pretty occupied,” Rossi said, raising his eyebrows towards Garcia, who flushed scarlet. 

You laughed and sent a silent thank you to Rossi for taking the heat off of you. 

“He just told me the guy I was dancing with was on coke and that I shouldn’t hang out with him.” You shrugged. “It was weird and I kinda freaked out on him at first, but I guess he was right.”

That didn’t get the nonchalant response you expected - everyone looked just as confused as you were when Hotch had initially approached you.

“Wait, hold on,” Prentiss said, sitting forward. “He told you not to dance with that guy because he was on drugs?”

“Yeah,” you replied, “He said after Garcia got attacked by that one man, everyone on the team needs to be more careful about who they associate with. Is that not… the case…?”

You trailed off, because judging by the looks the rest of the team were exchanging, it definitely wasn’t .

JJ shook her head. “Hotch has never really cared what we do in our private lives unless it affects our job.”

“Yeah, like remember that time you dated Will for a year without telling us and we had to pretend we didn’t know?” Prentiss asked, grinning.

“Or that time you hooked up with the mail guy and you made us sign for your packages for the next month?” Morgan ribbed back at Prentiss.

“I was drunk -”

“I think you should talk to Aaron,” Rossi suggested gently over what was quickly becoming a team debate over who had the craziest love life.

Still reeling over the knowledge that Hotch’s erratic behavior towards you wasn’t merely some standard attempt to keep the team safe, you nodded and stood.

It was time for some answers, god damn it.

  The righteous indignation that spurred you towards Hotch’s office was quickly being replaced by nervousness as you neared. You considered turning back, but you were sure he heard you stomping down the hall, and you weren’t trying to make a habit of awkwardly hesitating outside like you had at his apartment. Despite his door being ajar, you knocked gently, and he looked up from his standard mound of paperwork and nodded. 

“Come in.”

You obliged and sat down across the desk from him, twiddling your fingers. He waited for you to speak, never one to opt out of awkward silence.

“I think we should talk about what happened last night. Sir.”

He cocked his head slightly, setting down his pen and folding his hands in front of him.

“What are you referring to?”

You hated how he did this - it was an interrogation tactic, you knew that. He’d make the subject describe a situation with which both parties were clearly familiar to get their interpretation of events, which was usually very telling. And, more importantly, it made them uncomfortable.

You rolled your eyes. “I’m referring to you pulling me away from the group and telling me not to dance with that guy at the club.”

Hotch sighed and picked his pen back up, scanning his paperwork, making it very clear he felt this conversation wasn’t worth his time. “I explained my reasoning last night. If you take issue with the standards I expect of my team outside of the office-”

“But you don’t,” you blurted out, cutting him off.

“Don’t what?” he asked, now looking at you.

“Don’t expect that of your team,” you explained. “I talked to them about it just now. They said you’ve never acted that way before.”

“Their interpretation of events may be different-”

“It’s not their interpretation,” you interrupted for the second time. “They told me about all their dating escapades and you’ve never made it your business, not once. Why am I different to you?”

You hadn’t intended that last part to come out the way it did, and you cringed at the vulnerability in your tone. He was silent for one, two seconds, and you knew then he was making a decision, that the answer to your question wasn’t the simple truth he’d projected it to be.

“You’re the youngest member of the team, and the least experienced. I feel a responsibility to make sure you don’t make any decisions that you may regret. I’m sorry if you felt I was out of line.”

The detachment in his tone felt like a punch to the gut. Some part of you had been secretly wishing, you supposed, that his actions betrayed something deeper - that you were different to him, and not just because you were young and naive. And when the team had reacted the way they did, you’d gotten your hopes up that it had meant something. Just like him telling you about his past. Just like him killing Matthews. Just like… it didn’t matter . Even if he had been lying just now, it wouldn’t have changed anything. He wasn’t letting you in because he didn’t want to. You’d overestimated your significance in his life, but in reality, you were probably no more than a blip on his radar. Hotch was the sun, the central point to which everyone around him was drawn, and you were a lonely, distant planet that had somehow convinced yourself you were close enough to have gotten burned. 

Choking back undeserved tears, you left his office, fighting the bile that was finally rising from your stomach, realizing that this was about to be the second time in as many days that your feelings for him had made you puke.

  ____________

  When Matthews lunged at you, he hadn’t spared a thought, not a moment for consideration before breaking his neck. He knew, even as he felt the vertebra detach from its seat in the base of the skull, that there had been other paths - not that killing him was unrequited, of course, but it was a last-resort type of action, and Hotch had never been a last-resort type of man. Morgan hadn’t questioned it, not beyond a hushed, “You good?” after the whole thing went down, but he could sense his shock at the fact that Hotch was the one to go straight for lethality.

And your reaction - that was what kept him awake at night. Not killing the suspect; it was a sick truth, but he’d killed far too many people by now to have that same nauseous, horrified reaction he did the first few times. No, it was the way you looked at him afterwards. He’d expected shock, panic - hell, even complete disgust - but you’d looked at him like he was your hero. Like he was good, somehow. And he’d wanted to correct every day since, say, “No, you’ve got me wrong, I’m not what you think I am,” but he hadn’t mustered up the courage. He’d grown to need that look, if he was being honest with himself; needed someone to gaze upon him with the admiration and respect and doe-eyed awe that you did, because sometimes it was the only thing that kept him from going home alone to his apartment and shattering every mirror in the fucking place so he didn’t have to look at his reflection.

So when you’d asked him - all flushed face and halting words and twisting fingers - why he’d acted the way he did, he couldn’t be truthful with you. He’d answered with what should’ve been the truth, because he couldn’t tell you that he’d wanted to kick that boy’s teeth in from the minute he saw him touch you for daring to defile something so innocent and pure and good, even if you’d wanted it. Especially if you’d wanted it, if he was being honest with himself.

This was all twisted, of course. There were a million ways to profile a man in his 50’s who thought the way he did about someone your age (not to mention his employee, for fuck’s sake), none of them good. He’d deserved the raised eyebrow Rossi gave him before he stalked off to drag you from the dancefloor, and he’d more than deserved the constant, chiding internal voice scolding him whenever he paid too much attention to you, asked you an easy question just so he could see you light up at knowing the answer, divulged information he hadn’t talked about with anyone in years.

He saw how much his words affected you. You’d tried to hide it, but you were so endearingly bad at masking your feelings, and even though his stomach twisted to see you crushed, he felt a twinge of hope knowing you’d wanted a different answer. He could’ve given you one that would have made you happier:

“You’re important to me.”

“I was worried about you.”

Even, “I wanted to spend time with you last night, instead.”

But those were all too adjacent to a truth that he starkly refused to consider.

So he let you down, because letting people down was something with which Aaron Hotchner had plenty of goddamn practice. 

#hotch x reader #hotch x you #aaron hotchner x y/n #criminal minds fanfiction #hotch #criminal minds smut #Criminal Minds #aaron hotchner imagine #criminal minds headcanons #thomas gibson #thomas gibson fanfic #hotch fanfiction #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #derek morgan #penelope garcia #david rossi #spencer reid #mgg #sub!reader #dom!hotch #standards of performance #fanfiction #ao3 #writing

[melodyalanaroster]

To answer some Fanfic Questions...

So, this is my response to @broxklynn‘s post... I decided to make this its own post... So that It can be properly answered.

1. How and why did you start to write? Is there some kind of story behind it?

I started writing in general when I was in elementary school... Back when I just had a Platform 9 3/4 journal, not many friends, recess, and a desire to immerse myself in the world of Harry Potter. I enjoyed writing, and even joined the Writer’s Club in High School (but I eventually left to join Anime Club and Divergent Thinking Society). As for writing MCL fanfiction, I began writing Sam’s and Alana’s stories as early as when I first got into the fandom, back in 2013. Alana’s story started out as “A Fresh Start”, had a one shot called “When I Wake”, then turned into “Let The Dawn Be Broken”, and is now “The Melancholy Of Melody Alana Roster”. The final product barely has any hints of the first 3... In fact, Sam’s story, “Fighting Darkness”, has been completely debunked due to what I’ve decided to canonize in “The Melancholy Of Melody Alana Roster”. Writing MCL fanfiction has been a major help in distracting me from the depression that was caused by family issues, severe abuse, Stockholm Syndrome, my mom’s disease and her death, as well as working at several shitty jobs. Writing has helped me escape reality and keep myself sane enough to not be a black hole of hate, anger, and sadness to my friends and boyfriend.

2. What do you struggle the most with your writing?

There are 2 major things I struggle with... 1 is Timing. I often set deadlines for myself that I never meet and it makes me so frustrated that I miss them... There are currently things in my drafts that were meant to be “Holiday Specials” for Valentine’s Day and Halloween 2020 that are still unfinished... It makes me feel like I’m letting my readers down, when its more of me letting myself down... The other thing is Inspiration. Because I hate my job, I often think about Alana’s story in an effort to not be completely consumed by the fact that I do hate my work... Due to that, I often come up with ideas for my story that I think are FANTASTIC for my story... But, by the time I get home, I’m either in too much pain or too tired to write, or I’ve forgotten the ideas...

3. What is your favorite genre to write?

I love writing Romance with a bit of Slice of Life and a hint of Action/Adventure... 

4. Slowburn or “Flame”/PWP?

Slow burn any day.

5. How do you overcome writer’s block?

If I absolutely can’t write... I work on other stuff I need to do... Typically, something around the house, or something online I need to do... I also look for cool stuff to add to wish lists... I’ll occasionally play videogames or read comic books... In an effort to subvert writer’s block, I like having multiple chapters in my drafts at once. If I’m not in the mood to work on one chapter, I can work on a different one.

6. What kind of thing you dislike the most, when reading a fanfiction? (for example: particular plot, grammar mistakes)

One thing that makes me upset (and it makes me madder when I do this) is misspelling... Especially when it looks like its almost blatant... You have autocorrect, USE IT! Or when a fanfic is so awful, yet the author acts like their work is a gift from god... I don’t mind a “bad” fanfiction... Hell, the concept of “My Immortal” is so bad that its hilarious... But Fifty Shades did a lot of damage and E.L. James acts like she’s bigger than Jesus... Seriously, she wrote Twilight fanfiction, changed some minor details and names, people who have no knowledge of BDSM ate it up, and she acts like she’s a “Sex and Relationship Guru”...

7. What’s the biggest issue for you, when writing a Beemoov fanfiction?

The biggest issue for me is finding out when to allow for Beemoov’s writing and placement to take place in my story. I don’t like a lot of the events of UL and LL, so I’m often finding myself in a position where I have to watch video playthroughs and go “Okay, how can I omit this character, but keep this scene?”. I’ve had to do that A LOT with Alexy and Rosalaya.... Although, to a certain extent, I’ll often cut their scenes out altogether. I really hate what Beemoov did to them. They were great characters in HSL, but became utter shit in UL and stayed shit in LL. To make up for Beemoov’s writing style, I’ve created my own characters, added in old characters (like Kentin and Armin), added in bits from the manga (like Viktor, Severina and their fathers), and gone off on my own storyline. The Melancholy Of Melody Alana Roster is close to MCL at times, but often veers off onto its own road.

8. Have you ever created a character based on person in real life? (celebrity, someone that you know, etc)

YES!!! A LOT of characters in my story are based on real people! Alana’s step-father, Nate Films, is closely based on Nathan Fillion. A lot of her family members are based on members of my own family, just changed a bit to fit the story. Lynne Roster, Alana’s mom, is what I had always dreamed my own mom would be... Hell, Alana’s cat, Sylvester, is based on my own childhood cat, Luna.

9. How do you feel about your own characters? Do you think of them as your babies or have rather love-hate relationship with them? (And, do you have favorite one?)

I love most of my characters. I do hate 3 in particular... But, you’re supposed to hate, or at least not respect, them... That’s why I poured my hatred into them... Those 3 are Carol, Kai and Azrael. Carol has aspects of my abuser in her. You’ll see more of her when I finally post the HSL related chapters... And understand what I mean... Kai is based on one of my real life cousins that I’ve not been happy with for years (the one who my bf has deemed “the family failure”). You mainly see him in the Cousin Mels chapters, and in the Christmas Special... Azrael is the one who is seen the most in the UL chapters, and she is a main adversary for Alana. She is the one who broke her the most, the one who ended Alana’s relationship with Nathaniel, the one who truly traumatized her. As for ones I love... The one I love the most is Alana... I know, she’s a reflection of me, so that’s kind of vain... But, she’s a part of me. When I do finish her story and am at the point where I need to say “Goodbye”, it will hurt....

10. Enemies-to-lovers or friends/bestfriends-to lovers?

Definitely friends/best friends to lovers. I also like toying with what happens when best friends turn to lovers, but circumstance parts them and one moves on...

11. Is it easy for you to get inside your character’s head? Can you empathize with them? Is there’s some similarities between you and your main character?

It is VERY easy for me to get into Alana’s head... Like I said in #9, she is a reflection of me. She looks and acts like how I’d like to in a lot of situations... Her life is more interesting, traumatized, and more well off than mine... But, she is still me in major ways...

12. Who has been the biggest supporter of your writing?

Definitely my boyfriend. He doesn’t really understand the game itself... But, he likes how happy it makes me and he respects how much of my heart, soul, blood, sweat and tears that I’ve poured into writing my story. He loves listening to me read passages from it to him while I’m working. He gives me advice and his opinion is highly valued... My family knows I’m writing a large story, and have seen some of the images that I’ve gotten commissioned, but they don’t really know or care about the game. They do respect the fact that I am writing. They love the fact that I’m slightly following in my mom’s footsteps in that regard (she wrote 3 books and several poems). My online friends have been very supportive as well! I’m constantly updating them on what I’ve worked on each day in my Discord Server and the words of encouragement always help.

13. How do you handle criticism?

Not well. Due to the abuse and family issues mentioned in #1, for a good amount of my life, I’ve gotten nothing but harsh criticism... So, now that I’m away from all that, at 26 years old, I’m just now getting to a point where I’m starting to take it better... But, I’ve got a long way to go.

14. Do you like giving your characters trauma? Why/why not?

I hate sounding like a sadist... But, I’m going to anyway, so fuck it... Yes. I have done awful things to Alana over the years. In A Fresh Start, she got sexually assaulted and ostracized. In When I Wake, she gets into a car crash, put into a coma, and in her dream state murdered by Francis in front of Nathaniel. In Let The Dawn Be Broken, the plan was for her to end a war. In “The Melancholy of Melody Alana Roster”, her childhood cat dies, her mom gets sick, she gets abused by Carol, her best friends get ripped away from her for a bit, she gets sent to a country halfway around the world alone, she gets assaulted and ultimately turned into a weapon of mass destruction.... I’ve even thought of killing her mom off at one point... But decided against it...

Now, granted, A Fresh Start and Let The Dawn Be Broken never saw completion, but happy endings were planned for them...

I do this, all while giving Alana happy endings in each story because “If Alana can go through utter hell and make it through, then so can I.”... I know, I’m “god” in that regard and I can control how Alana’s life is.... But, the fact that in my writing, she ends up standing tall, happy, with everything she wants, after everything she goes through does make me feel better.... 

15. Are you proud of yourself? When you look at first piece you wrote and compare it to the latest one?

Yes. If you look at A Fresh Start, you can tell it was written by someone fresh out of High School. There’s no real depth to it. Let The Dawn Be Broken isn’t much better... But, The Melancholy of Melody Alana Roster has become my magnum opus. It is the largest piece I have EVER written, and will probably remain the largest piece I write. I am very proud of what I have created... And when its last word is written, and I am ready to get it made for it’s place on my shelf, I will feel very bittersweet about it... That being said, my original plan for a sequel involving Nathaniel’s and Alana’s daughter, Aurora, has been discarded. I don’t believe Aurora could ever have as much of my heart that her parents do...

And there you have it! Some insight into my world, writing, and history!

#my candy love #my candy love fanfiction #mcl fanfic #mcl fanfiction #fanfic #mcl #mcl alana #mcl alana roster #alana roster #melody alana roster #melodyalanaroster #the melancholy of melody alana roster #mclhsl #mclul #mclll #amor doce #amour sucre #sweet amoris #Sweet kiss #sweet love #Sweet flirt #sweet crush #cdm #cdmu #Corazon de Melon #corazon de bombon #slodki flirt #dolce flirt #writing #fan fiction

[bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture]

Alright, chapter 8! And man is there a lot to talk about here. I don’t really have any pre-content things to say, so we’ll just hop right into it today!

[No. 8 - Rage, You Damned Nerd]

I swear, this first page has a LOT to talk about on it, so I’ll go from panel to panel and do some rambling thoughts on each segment. 

First off, UA doesn’t actually handle the costumes the kids get! It’s support companies affiliated with the school that does - which makes sense, since the school has to focus on teaching their support students before letting them get their hands on actual costumes that these kids might be fighting in.

I mean, they seem to be allowed to practice on like, minor support stuff (read: Mei making Izuku his new gloves post-Nighteye or somewhere around there) but not full costuming, which is… actually a bit reassuring? But also explains some of the lag time in getting costume repairs / upgrades since they’re probably busy companies. It also explains why there probably aren’t major alterations to any costumes besides between the summer and winter variants, since it would be time-consuming to remake these costumes so regularly.

(It still doesn’t excuse some of the costumes the kids got, but that’s more on the whole ‘eye candy’ thing for readers than actual practicality, so whatever.)

(Also, I can’t get over the fact that Snipe has a support company. Fucking Snipe. Guess we know another canon or likely-canon Support teacher.)

Next we get a preview of what the kids sent in for specifications for their costumes:

We get a bit of insight into a few of the characters - as background stuff, we get Shouji, Mineta, Aoyama, and Sato. Mineta got pretty dunked on for char design and costuming, and Aoyama’s costume almost looks like a magical girl outfit like this, which honest to god would have been fantastic to see him in. More interesting (at least to me) are the other three: Ochako, Tenya, and Katsuki.

Ochako first, because that pressure point thing is interesting, and I dunno how often those actually come up in fics besides a passing mention, like. What if her support bracelets / neck piece broke during training / a mission / whatever? Would she suddenly have to fight through the nausea? By the point of current canon (War Arc) she’s probably trained enough that she doesn’t need them as much, but man, it could be an interesting little thing to explore, like, post-Kamino.

Tenya is a bit surprising, since we know he comes from a well-off hero family. Logically, this was before the whole Hosu / Ingenium plotline was really developed, so Tenya didn’t have that to fall back on, or it could be argued that the support company that Ingenium is associated with also works with UA. Alternatively, it could be that either Tenya didn’t want to rely on his family (which seems silly when they’d know how to work with his quirk best) or UA is very firm on ALL costume stuff going through them…

But then again, Katsuki. Oh god, Katsuki. What fucking support company looked at this kid and went ‘yeah we should give him a way to store more explosives AND give him bombs’ and just. Did so. Why did UA not vet that. Maybe the support company didn’t realize how strong his explosions were without the gear, but UA, man, I just. I suppose they had no way of knowing how reckless he’d be with them, but honestly, after the battle trials, they should have been fucking yoinked from him so damned fast. 

Anyways, onto other parts of Katsuki’s costume, we see he’s a fucking dork. Possibly what lowered their guard. ‘Something scary’ and ‘Dynamighte all over’. What the hell, kid. At least your designer stuck close to your design… including the huge-ass clunky gauntlets. Man, the Musketeer Trio movie poster ones are so much better looking and so, so streamlined. Works of art, they are.

Moving on, we get a bit of a flashback to ~three weeks ago, which by the calendar would be around March 20th? So a few weeks after the Entrance Exam. And Izuku is only NOW getting around to updating the quirk registry? Izuku baby seriously, how the FUCK did none of the UA staff notice the ‘quirkless’ on your application form at any point before this?

But yeah, he’s worried about his registry, so he calls Toshinori, who explains the update process. It gives the example of someone who might alter their stuff with updated information, with one or two allowed - though major ones aren’t accepted. Toshinori then says it’ll probably be okay since he started with nothing, then tries to correct himself to ‘definitely’, only to get cut off because Izuku accidentally hangs up in a panic when Inko calls out that she’s home. Haha poor Toshinori, and poor Izuku, the two anxious dumbasses. 

Anyways, moving on from that is Inko showing off the jumpsuit she made, with Izuku surprised. She admits it’s not the coolest, but she based it off of the design in his notebook (the one we saw back in chapter 1). She tells him she regrets giving up on him back then, and how he never quit regardless of her faith. She apologizes and says from there on she’ll be cheering him on with all she’s got. 

Izuku’s narration notes that it’s a symbol of his mom’s love, and that he couldn’t wear anything else, even if it’s not ‘efficient’ or ‘cutting edge’. (Or even at all decent looking.) And it’s also hinted through the present thoughts on it that it’s meant to be an homage to All Might (the smile and the hair pieces) which is just such a dorky thing.

We get to the wide-spread of hero costumes, which- wait a second.

That’s Momo’s initial hero costume design???? Why did Hori not stay with that??? It’s a LOT better than the stuff we’ve seen her in later! Like, sure, it’d still be improved with the main opening being her stomach and not her chest, but this still looks like actual human clothing and not a sexy Halloween costume variant of her hero uniform. Fucking hell, now I’m even more mad.

Tsuyu’s costume meets the approval of the discord server as basically ‘no changes needed’ asides from maybe the goggles being a bit bulky.

Tenya’s costume, I’m sorry, I know it’s an homage to your brother / family, but were the additional pipes really needed? Also, the helmet isn’t a bad idea since he goes fast, and bugs in the mouth/teeth have to suck, but it just looks so damned Gundam-y I can’t help but laugh a little.

Shouto… nah, too easy a target.

Aoyama is Aoyama. I’m actually a bit disappointed now that it’s not a magical girl costume, but alas, I suppose even Hori couldn’t be that brave.

Kaminari… I forgot he had that headset thingy. 

Don’t really have much else to say about anyone else, so let’s move on.

Izuku bugs out a bit about Ochako’s costume/appearance, while she compliments his more practical looks and laments not being specific, saying it’s a bit too puffy and curvy for her. Which means it’s more the accessories which seem to be her issue with it over the main costume itself? Huh.

Anyways, after All Might confirms they’re all there, he notices Izuku’s headpieces, which are a match to his costume, and has to turn to muffle a laugh for how obvious a reference it is. Tenya steps up, asking whether they’ll be doing cityscape maneuvers again since it’s the same field used in the entrance exam. Izuku thinks to himself how cool Tenya’s costume is, while All Might explains that they’re moving onto step two - indoor anti-personnel battle training!

He explains what while villain battles are most commonly seen outdoors, statistically the worst crimes and villains are more likely to be found indoors. Confinement, house arrest, black market deals… the clever villains luck indoors to avoid heroes. Which is why the class will be split into teams of two and pit against each other, heroes versus villains style!

Ah, Tsuyu. Calling him right the heck out, as expected. All Might then notes that in this scenario, the fight won’t be against disposable robots. 

This entire page is just fucking hilarious. The class and all their questions while All Might is shaking with nerves. The fucking cheat sheet he uses to try to get back on track. Him being questioned on the lot drawing, and shaking while Izuku accidentally ends up covering for him. I just. All Might was not prepared for this mess and it shows. He was doing so much better when it was the one on one stuff with Izuku.

But yeah, Izuku notes the scenario is like from a western comic plot, and he’s also the one who ‘realizes’ the lots are like when heroes from different agencies have to team up for emergencies without prior warning. 

Lots are drawn, and we have our teams:

Izuku’s so stressed out because he still can’t really talk to her, while she’s excited to be teamed up and calls it ‘fate’ that it happened. All Might draws the first two teams to participate, and… team Izuku and Ochako (as the heroes) versus team Katsuki and Tenya (as the villains). Both Izuku and Katsuki are alert from this development…

Which makes this a good point to cut off, since it’s halfway through and we got a lot of information to chew on already. Second part should be out this weekend (hopefully). 

#chapter 8 #readthrough #opening arcs #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #midoriya izuku #uraraka ochako #iida tenya #yagi toshinori #bakugou katsuki #midoriya inko #class 1a #izuku's first costume was fucking hideous #thank god hori / the support company improved on it afterwards #also shouto #i don't even need to say anything when the fandom has made fun of your for me #also i cannot BELIEVE we were robbed of this momo costume #what the FUCK hori

[mermaidssonshipss]

better

hi babes, this takes place after john b and sarah go missing, just as a heads up. this is.... a bunch of sad and broken jj. i’m giving the female character a name in this because. it just felt right for this one.

warnings: cussing. some angst. mentions of suicidal thoughts (very minor)

pairings: jj maybank x reader (named violet in this)

word count: 2.1k

inspired by “better” by SYML (please listen to this song like it is... jj and the reader to a T like... maybe i cried writing this it’s fine. i’ll have a few of the lyrics scattered throughout.) 

“You came into the picture like a natural You were unexpected, got me spiritual. I don’t wanna say it, but maybe it was fate.”

Violet arrived in the Outer Banks exactly a week after John B and Sarah Cameron were declared dead, bodies lost at sea. The island, which now seemed to be plagued by clouds and distant memories of what it had once been, was nothing like it had been the past times she’d visited. The vibrant boneyard parties were no more, and even the kooks on figure 8 had stopped partying. The air was tense when the other 3 pogues walked into a room, everyone waiting for one of them to snap at any given moment. She’d stumbled across JJ Maybank one night as she was out exploring the cut, coming across an empty beach, save for the blonde boy sitting on a surfboard atop the sand, staring out at the water in front of him. He looked content, and she didn’t want to bother him. Beginning to walk past him,  she decided to look back at him for a moment, just as the moon had reflected off the water, catching the boys face and exposing a tirade of tears on his sun-kissed cheeks. He looked broken.

She hesitated for a moment before turning around and heading over to him, sitting down on the sand next to his beat up surfboard. JJ’s head turned towards her, his eyes catching her emerald shaded ones. The wind was blowing between the two of them, and the soft scent of orange blossoms that hadn’t been there the moment before was now swirling around JJ.

“You look like you could use a friend,” she spoke, answering his unasked question. 

He continued to look at her for a moment, his bright blue-eyes softening just slightly as she sent him a gentle smile.

“I’m JJ,” he finally broke the comfortable silence after a moment, and his voice was scratchy as if he hadn’t spoken in weeks.

“Violet,” she responded simply, and he repeated the name out loud, letting the wind around them carry her name across the ocean. 

“I came into your picture such a broken fool A million different pieces looking back at you. Believe when I say this, I was giving up But now, you come and save me.”

She’d been looking for him all day, the other two pogues that she had finally met a few weeks ago reporting that they hadn’t seen, or heard from him, in days. Pope and Kie both had to work, so she was sent on the mission to find JJ herself. She had a few good ideas as to where he could be, but was met with disappointment each time they came up empty. Finally, after checking what seemed like the entire island, she realized there was only one other place he could be.

Violet had never been to the chateau. JJ spoke of it often, but the two of them had never ventured there. To be honest, JJ, Pope, and Kie hadn’t gone back since John B went missing. She knew where it was, though. Everyone did. The city was trying to decide what to do with the abandoned home currently, unsure whether they should give it to the bank to redo and sell it, tear it down, or just leave it be.

As her converse clad feet stepped up the flimsy stairs leading to the front porch of the chateau, Violet could feel he was there. She pushed the door open gently, her eyes scanning the dark room in front of her. It was messy, a lived in home that hadn’t been picked up in months, and her heart sunk. She wandered through the small house slowly, the guest room coming up empty, before she found herself stood outside of what she assumed was John B’s room. Her fingers gripped the doorknob, twisting it gently as she tried to quietly push the door open. The window in the room was open, illuminating the small space, and her eyes immediately fell to the blonde boy who was sat on the floor, leaning against the bed, his head in his hands as his body shook. His hair looked as if he had been tugging on it and running his fingers through it for hours, and when he heard her feet scuff against the floor as she moved towards him, his head shot up. 

His eyes were bloodshot from crying, his cheeks stained with new and old tears, and she could see his knuckles were split open.

“JJ...” Violet’s voice was gentle as she kneeled down in front of him, taking his hands into hers as she held onto them. The scent of orange blossoms invaded JJ’s senses, snapping him out of the trance he had been in.

“He’s not coming back, is he?” his voice cracked as he spoke, and she could feel his hands shaking in hers. She moved to sit beside him, wrapping her arms around his frame and pulling him into her, his head resting on her chest as she began to run her fingers through his hair, working through the tangles he had created.

She didn’t know what to say. Nothing at that moment would piece him back together, whether it was her assuring him he would be back, or it was her agreeing and letting him accept his grief. All she could do was hold him.

“I’ve got you,” she whispered into his ear, her hand now coming down to softly caress his cheek, wiping a few of his fresh tears away. His arms had wrapped around her waist, clutching onto the petite girl, refusing to let go. Though she was smaller than he was, he felt smaller in that moment, as she wound her arms around him and her fingertips caressed his skin. He felt cared for. He felt loved. 

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” he sobbed, and Violet had to hold back her own tears, “I don’t know how to live in a world without my best friend. Everything hurts and it never stops hurting and I just feel so empty,” he was falling apart in her arms, finally letting his feelings consume him, “I feel like no one cares about me. Even Kie and Pope... we’ve all drifted because we can’t bare to look at each other. All we can think about when we’re together is what we’re missing. I have nothing to live for anymore.” he was gasping for air by the time he stopped speaking, and Violet felt like the floor beneath them was going to collapse underneath the two of them as it shook from the storm outside, but she ignored it.

“JJ.... I care about you,” her voice was comforting as she spoke, and JJ looked up at her, his mournful eyes into hers, “And I don’t think I could stay on this island without you on it. I need you here. Kie and Pope need you here. I know... I know things are hard right now between the three of you, but god damn it JJ they love you. Both of them were texting me freaking out because they hadn’t heard from you. You’ve all lost John B, I don’t think they can handle losing you too. I can’t handle losing you.”

JJ didn’t respond, but Violet could tell by the way his body had stopped shaking in her hold, that he had heard every word.

For hours, the both of them just sat there, her holding JJ as he cried into her chest before he moved so his head was in her lap. She’d been running her fingers through his hair the entire time, her fingertips softly massaging his temples, every now and then trailing down his cheeks to wipe away tears as they fell. Finally, he had stopped crying, the only sound in the room their silent breaths and the sound of rain outside hitting the window.

“Come back to my place,” she spoke after a moment of looking down at him, her eyes studying his face, “Let’s get you cleaned up, get a meal in you, and you can sleep on an actual bed.”

JJ, who’s eyes had been closed, finally looked up at her, nodding his head slowly before he pushed himself up onto his feet, his hand grabbing hers and helping her off the floor.

As the two of them walked out of the home and into the rain, racing to her car, he kept a tight grip on her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers.

***

“JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, VIOLET!” JJ’s voice was the loudest she had ever heard it as his words echoed around the both of them.

“You’re in my fucking house, Maybank. Don’t you dare raise your voice at me like that,” Violet was seething as she looked at JJ in front of her, refusing to acknowledge the stray tears streaming down his face.

He had gotten into a fight just hours ago, and for the 5th time in the year Violet had known him, she had to bail him out of jail before his dad found out. 

“When are you going to realize that fighting isn’t going to bring John B back?” Violet’s words hung through the air after she spoke them, JJ’s jaw clenching, but she continued speaking before he could lash out, “I know you’re hurt. I know I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you’re in and I’m not going to try and say I understand, or say that things will get better because I don’t fucking know if they will, JJ. But you have to at least try. You’re throwing your life away.”

“Fuck you, Violet,” he spat, ripping his hat off his head as he threw it across the room, “What life? I don’t have a fucking life. My life is nothing. It’s shit. I’m stuck here for the rest of my life under the shadow of my piece of shit dad, and one day I’m going to become him. I’m already becoming him.” JJ was shaking with rage as he spoke, his eyes glaring at Violet, and she’d never seen the blue orbs look so cold.

“Don’t. Don’t say that, because you and I both know it’s not fucking true. You are the farthest thing from your father. You’re right. You’ve been dealt a pretty shitty hand in life, JJ. But that doesn’t mean your life is nothing. You aren’t your dads shadow, you’re your own person. If you’re so unhappy with your life JJ, put on your fucking big boy pants and do something about it. Stop fighting with everyone who just looks at you wrong or you’re going to end up in jail again, and one of these days you’re gonna be so fucked no one can bail you out.” Her tone was just as icy as his had been, but her green eyes were wide as she stared at him, her fists clenching at her sides. JJ let out a scoff, shaking his head as he placed his hands on his hips, tilting his head up towards the ceiling.

“I don’t know why we’re even having this conversation,” he huffed out finally, looking back at Violet.

"Because I care about you.” now, her voice was a whisper, and JJ’s eyes softened for only a second before his gaze hardened once again.

“No you fucking don’t!” he screamed suddenly, causing Violet to flinch at the volume, “NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT ME. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU?” his words slapped against the walls, and Violet swore she could feel them shake at the intensity. Finally, she snapped.

“BECAUSE I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” she rushed the words out in a yell, and JJ’s entire body physically slumped, the anger on his face dissipating as he stared at her.

“You’re... in love with me?” Tears had now begun to threaten to spill down Violets cheeks, and she simply nodded, knowing that if she spoke, they would escape.

JJ looked at her for a moment, waiting for her to start laughing and say she was just kidding, that she could never love someone like him, but it never came. Instead, she held his gaze, her viridescent eyes shining. He swallowed roughly, taking in a deep breath as he began to approach her, his hand hesitantly grabbing hers as he intertwined their fingers.

“I’m sorry,” his voice shook, and Violet squeezed his fingers, stepping into his chest as he wrapped his free arm around her waist.

“You’re gonna be okay, JJ. You’ll get through this, and I’ll be by your side through it all.”

And I know, and I know it’s a different love And I know, and I know that you make me better. You’re enough and you keep me holding on And I know, and I know we only get better.

#jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x reader #rudy pankow x reader

[rigelmejo]

the word brain - summary and notes

the word brain: http://www.amedeo.net/wb/TheWordBrain2015.pdf

It’s a book about how to learn a language. I like the straightforward estimates of time lengths in it. What I’m about to write is gonna have a lot of notes to myself (as usual lol). 

anyway, below is the word brain summary. and my ideas on how to maybe add its ideas to my study plan.

Notes:

Increasing Vocab:

I tend to not do the explicit vocab study the book starts with for very long. I did it for french for around 1000 words (which was apparently enough base), and 2000 words using memrise for chinese. Now for japanese I use memrise to do this step. 

What I learned from this step, is there may still be use in dedicating some time per day to reading my hanzi books and common-word dictionaries - and reading sections over a few times in spaced repetition (like day 1,3,7,13, 30) could work similarly like memrise/anki. So I could still have use for them.

This book mentioned word lookup in novels counts, if you do it often, and so I can see how I usually quickly abandon “this writer’s way” of increasing vocab, and move onto relying nearly entirely on reading and word lookups to learn as soon as I feel reading is doable. So again... I could speed up word acquisition with either: more memrise/anki, or more glancing at my reference texts every so often. Not that much time is needed either - 5 minutes to learn a word (so studied in like 30 sec - 1 minute intervals over multiple sessions). My usual strategy of reading to acquire words definitely works - but I could probably speed it up a bit by a bit more purposeful reviewing. And I could still have a use for my reference books if I use them for hanzi/word learning.

Also - aiming for 5000 words in related languages, 15,000 in very unrelated languages, is usually enough for overall comprehension.

-

Listening skills:

Need generally 1,500-2,000 listening hours to parse speech in a language. This time can mostly be done surrounded by language audio. So basically: yes playing your target language in the background does help. And will help for up to about 2,000 hours, at which point it should’ve benefited your ability to parse speech. If you have difficulty parsing speech, listen more.

You can also do shows/audio you intensively listen to/focus on purposefully (like Listening Reading Method, shows, documentaries). The takeaway point is just - there’s actually merit to the suggestion to “listen to target language as often as you can.” (Which I did not know there was any real benefit). And that even if you’re not trying to comprehend it’s content, simply practicing parsing the sounds by listening is beneficial. So I’m gonna start playing more audio in the background more often. 

-

Reading:

I basically do the advice. What this book recommends: using audio at first whenever you read, to create the correct ‘inner voice.’ I didn’t do it, do it now sometimes, it is what it is. But probably good advice for new learners to USE their textbook audios, course audios, and graded reader audios when they have them available - since they’ll help. (The sure would’ve helped me in french ToT).

-

*Grammar: 

Like my plan to read a grammar guide, this is kind of similar. But this book recommends learning the most common grammar structures just like words - “nailing” them in your memory by reviewing them (in spaced repetition). I think this is probably something I could add to my studies - picking up my grammar books, and reading and re-reading parts of them to help remember them better. So studying them much like words. Or watching grammar videos and rewatching/reviewing in that same kind of sequence to help remember.

I could possibly do a few review grammar guide fast-overviews - where I just reread old grammar guides I read now and then, to reinforce the memory (like spaced repetition). This is something the book recommends.

I don’t think the book mentioned it, but this could be a good place I could add 50-100 hours of producing/practicing grammar structure - at least the main ones.

Basically though - I could do a little grammar-focused study.

-

Speaking:

Grammar overview/learning words. Listen, read, first. Then shadow. 

---

Summary: could use my reference books by studying similar to how anki/memrise work and just reading/re-reading in spaced review sessions (If I want to increase how fast I learn vocab), reading and looking up words repeatedly to acquire vocab does work though. Listen to more audio in background in general. I could probably use 50 hours of some review of the grammar more (review same as words), and some particular practice on main grammar. I should shadow more.

---

Looking at their table, chinese is probably going to take 3-5 years, and if I eventually slow down my study then up to 6 years.

I also think if this book’s definition of fluency is higher than mine like ‘C1′ competency, then I might get away with accomplishing my goals 1-2 years faster than this book’s timeline - since B1-2 is usually enough for me to be happy with what I’m able to do (I would imagine B2 is definitely enough to read/listen for enjoyment and talk to people about general topics with some fumbles?). Anyway... based on their table I would guess it will take me 1-2 more years to do what I want comfortably? At least, if I can keep my reading progress improving at the current rate or throw in some extra hours this year, I think within another year I might get to a point where I can read/listen for enjoyment mainly. At which point, slowing down my progress by studying less wouldn’t bother me as much - then if it took another 1-3 years for improved fluency because I’m studying slower, I wouldn’t mind as much. If this book’s fluency aim is around B2, then I’m probably looking at at least 2 more years. Still not bad ToT I have a bit of a warped perspective, I expected like A2-B1 level reading skill to take 4 years, whereas its taken me more like 2 years, so I’m already way ahead of schedule in how much time I thought chinese improvements would take.

I can at worst *painfully* read most modern things I try to now - so weibo, random literary stories/novels, gu long, webnovels, shows, tests, news. Sometimes I can read much easier than that, but in the worst cases I can take a while and grasp the main ideas and some details (did that with some random novels/news). Which is where my french was at about 1 years in. Chinese, having less cognates, means I’m not going to learn the unknown words fast enough to ease the ‘pain’ unless I keep studying to speed up word-learning. So that’s what I’m doing, still studying much more than I did for french at this level. But as far as milestones, I’m around what I consider A2 pushing into B1 (starting to not find modern material completely impossible) - in chinese I’m even a little better, I can start pretty much whatever new show I want and follow the main story and some details at minimum. I was never able to do that in french. Also I can follow some audiobooks/audiodramas if I have prior context - I have never tried that in french.

My personal “milestones” I go by:

a. can recognize enough common words to start trying to read comics/books with a dictionary (could be very painful lol) - this is when immersion becomes feasible.

b. know enough basic words to start trying to basically express self imperfectly (ideally eventually basically in many ideas) - this is when language exchange becomes realistic/journaling.

c. can recognize enough words and grammar in reading that main idea is generally understood without an aid (main idea understanding without aid might be painful but its possible) - this is when immersion in french I could stop using a dictionary, and in graded reading material i want at least this level of comprehension to start using it, this is when immersion can become pleasant with a dictionary, when info can start being learned from context somewhat more regularly.

d. can start to recognize main idea without aid without it feeling draining, and some amount of detail without aids - immersion now pleasant without a dictionary/aids, can learn more from context alone without feeling drained, with aids i can now pick up new words quicker but without it being draining, comprehension is now enough that depending on material i don’t feel any need/desire for an aid to grasp the missed details.

e. can recognize main idea and nearly all details, the rest mostly clear from context, nothing feels draining (mainly i only have this in graded reading materials - but in chinese daily life manhua i often feel like this now, with french website navigation or informational texts since i use them a lot, etc).

a+b is usually my goal within 5 months to a year - french took me 3-5 months, chinese took me 5-8 months. japanese took me 1.5 years lol. c is my absolute minimum goal - its enough to at least consume media with a dictionary. the beginning of the c stage can still feel ‘painful’ since all reading is ‘painful reading’ or ‘intensive reading.’ But it is comprehensible with a dictionary, so I can start learning that way. d is when I start feeling happier lol, and different areas of comprehension reach d at different points. e is my usual goal but i’ve only really hit it in certain ‘genres’ of content. All these milestones i can also ‘partially hit’ - for example in japanese years ago i hit ‘basic main idea’ milestone c for manga, but not for any other content type. For japanese... it took 2 - 2.5 years to hit c stage, which is where I’m picking back up (I can understand basic main idea with intense draining feeling, but with a dictionary i can follow most things). Now that I’m picking it up, I seem to be c in a few more ‘genres’ - video games I can also follow main idea better, and now novels are more doable with a dictionary (though i would NOT say i could follow even the main idea of a novel chapter without a dictionary). My chinese is sitting at d mostly for reading, at the earlier side of ‘usually I decide to look things up’ for missing details because i don’t want to always rely on context alone (unless its a show or manhua or extensive reading practice).

#the word brain #article #may #may progress #study plan

[purplesurveys]

1140

"Working 9-5, what a way to make a living"

survey by lets-make-surveys

1 - What is it that do you for a living? How long have you been doing that particular job? Have mentioned this a few times, but I work at a PR agency which lets me work with a number of local and international brands and help them out with their campaigns. I’ve been with the company for 6ish months when I first started as an intern, but I officially got hired as an associate 4 months ago.

I had originally sent a letter of interest since they didn’t have any vacancies at the time, and they got back to me with an internship offer and told me they’ll get back to me should they have any openings; so it’s nice that they kept their word.

2 - Did you need to go to university or college in order to do the job that you do? I mean I think it helped my chances of scoring the job, and the skills I picked up in taking up journalism definitely remains useful; but ultimately, I don’t think people need degrees to be able to work as long as they prove to be capable.

3 - Do you work a 9-5 job or are your hours a lot more flexible? It’s a 9–6, but we have a lunch break so it’s technically 8 hours. The hours get more flexible the higher your position.

4 - Do you have to wear a uniform for your job or do you get to wear whatever you want? What is it that you typically wear to work? We don’t have a uniform but we do have a dress code. Not that I have to strictly follow it in the meantime, since we’re WFH and I always work in my loungewear lol.

5 - What are the best bits about your job? What about the worst bits? The best is that it’s literally a fun job. We make cute curated kits for media and bloggers on a regular basis, we interact with celebrities and influencers, and it’s nice to write press releases and other materials that don’t strictly adhere to the rigid and robotic journalistic style that I had to use throughout college. Plus it’s always fun to be the first to be in the know of what campaigns or launches brands are coming up with, hahaha. It’s especially fun on my part since I actually consume the brands that I work with ;)

Worst part would have to be dealing with pesky clients, or clients that have no idea what direction they want to take. As an agency, of course it’s our job to help them; but when a client sounds completely clueless, that affects the pitches that we present as well. PR crises also stress me out, but luckily we’re led by an amazing team of bosses who handle everything smoothly.

6 - How many jobs (including your current one) have you had in total? Just this one. I’ve also had two internships as well, both in PR.

7 - How old were you when you got your first job? What was it that you did? I was 22. I recognize how lucky I am to score a job during the pandemic, so I definitely haven’t taken this opportunity for granted.

8 - As a teenager, did you ever babysit, wash cars or walk dogs in order to make a bit of extra money? No, babysitting isn’t really the norm here. My parents used to give me a weekly allowance when I was still a student.

9 - Are you working in the field you wanted to work in when you were younger? I’ve gone a slightly different route. PR is still under the umbrella of journalism, but I’ve done away with the news reporting and documentary-making side of it.

10 - How may days a week do you work? Do you work full or part-time hours? Monday to Friday. I work full-time, with the occasional overtime because of how hectic everything is most of the time.

11 - Do you make good money for what you do? Can you live comfortably on the money you earn? What I earn is the standard starting salary for most fresh grads so I’m not actively complaining about it, but it could be more tbh. I for sure can’t live alone with what I make. All I’m really looking for at this point in my life is to have enough to give my parents and be able to give myself the occasional treat, so overall I’m okay with how much I make.

12 - Aside from bills/rent/mortgage/groceries, what do you spend most of your income on? Food, heh.

13 - What job have you enjoyed doing the most? What about the least? I’ve only had one job.

14 - Have you ever worked the night shift? Did you enjoy it? If not, is it something you'd ever consider doing in the future? No, and I wouldn’t consider it. It’s just a lot more convenient to get my work done during the day and be able to rest at night.

15 - Given the choice, would you want to work for yourself or for someone else? Not sure if I have it in me to run my own company or business.

16 - Would you ever be able to work with your partner and maintain your sanity? Probably not, but I think it depends on how we mesh. In my past experience, I couldn never work in harmony with Gab on some college projects we worked on because our work habits were very different. I’m super uptight and like being able to lead and attend to every detail, while she’s super independent. This is why I like working with Bea, who's very by-the-book and likes to direct every aspect of my deliverables.

17 - Do you work in a job where your appearance is important, or do you have to dress practically instead? Appearance is for sure a factor. We’re constantly handling events and managing clients, so we definitely have to make it look like it’s a ~glamorous job, at least on the outside.

18 - Have you ever had a big argument with a co-worker? What happened? No, and I’m very non-confrontational so I hope to never have to deal with this situation. Luckily we’re all very close-knit and able to maturely deal with mistakes and disagreements.

19 - Have you ever had a romantic relationship with someone you met through work? Did things work out in the long run? No. I’m not sure I’d want to entertain something like this, since it could be awkward if we broke up; I’m also worried it would affect not just my work, but also the dynamic and the vibe in the workplace.

20 - If you could do any job in the world (assuming you'd earn a decent living from it), what would you do and why? Probably a writer in the lifestyle beat where I get to try out all the fancy hotels to stay at and all the best steaks to eat for free, lol. I have media contacts who do exactly this and I loooove following their lives. I’d also be a lawyer, if only I wasn’t such a crybaby in arguments.

21 - If you won the lottery (assuming you won enough to live off comfortably), would you give up work? Most likely.

22 - Have you ever walked out of a job without giving notice? What were the circumstances surrounding it? Never. Again, too afraid of confrontation or consequences lol. I’d most likely do this if there was a group walkout, though.

23 - Have you ever been formally disciplined at work for any reason? What happened? Nope.

24 - Have you ever been sacked from a job before? I haven’t.

25 - What are the best workplace benefits you've ever had in a job? Do you have any in your current workplace? In my orientation I was told that the company has annual outings abroad, which I found fucking sweeeeeeeet?! Most, if not all, companies just do out-of-towns, so the fact that there’s enough budget to go to countries like Japan sounds super fun.

Not necessarily a ~workplace benefit~ but I also appreciate how my employer gives a big emphasis on mental health and self-care. It’s nice not to be treated like a cog or a robot.

26 - Do you work in the same location everyday, or do you find yourself travelling around a lot? I work at home, so... but based on what I’ve picked up from my co-workers’ conversations, they did regularly have to travel to our clients’ headquarters or offices pre-pandemic to hold meetings and present decks and stuff.

27 - Have you ever turned up to work drunk or high? Did you get caught or did you end up in trouble? Nah. I wouldn’t dare to do so either.

28 - Are you currently working towards any kind of promotion or payrise? Do you think you'll have any luck? I mean, that is obviously the goal; but I have a long way to go.

29 - Have you ever had a boss that you felt was incompetent or poor at their job? Did you ever tell them how you felt? Mmm no, not so far. I did recently get a new manager since Bea got promoted, but I think she’s been competent so far.

30 - Do you earn an annual salary or are you paid hourly? Not sure how to answer this because math HAHA but I get paid every two weeks.

#survey #surveys

[border-spam]

Leech Lord AU

Tyreen Calypso / Tyreen DeLeon / God Queen Calypso / Holy Mother Tyreen (differences from canon)

List of character traits and  world-building facets for this character within my AU that differ from / are of more importance than in canon. 

One of these coming for Seifa shortly. Same AU as all other twins content I’ve written. TW: drug use.

Troy’s is HERE

Traits: ✓ Positive x Negative:

✓x Confidence is not a façade.

Unlike her twin, Tyreen's self confidence is rock solid to an unquestionable level. Her God Queen persona is not an act, it's her natural disposition ramped into overdrive.

✓ Highly Empathic.

Ty is very emotionally charged as a person, and is notably in-tune in general to the energies of people she is in proximity with. She has always used this to her advantage, capable of reading a room very cleanly and modifying her behavior and approach to play on the emotional state of others.

✓ Excellent Actor.

Her enjoyment of positive attention since childhood nurtured her into a very convincing natural performer. She can switch her emotion worryingly easily from sorrow to mirth, and it can be difficult to tell at times which is the actual genuine state she is feeling.

✓ Extremely Adaptable.

Tyreen is almost impossible to deter as she automatically approaches any situation with complete belief she will overcome it. She is not easily stopped by plans going awry or not panning out, and rarely breaks momentum. Ty is so naturally assured of achieving whatever goal she is aiming for, that she see's barriers others would see as impassable, as mere setbacks.

✓ Highly Charismatic.

Her ability to draw the billions of worshippers that now compose the COV is no fluke. Between her natural charisma and intuition, and the excellently researched scripts and persona Troy writes for her, Tyreen is extremely magnetic to others.

✓ Natural  Leader.

Her rock solid self confidence and personal strength makes Tyreen highly attractive to those looking for guidance and a personality they can lean on. Her royalty is unquestionable, she was born to be a God Queen, and is very, very aware of it.

x Incapable of admitting fault.

Ty's extreme self confidence and regard for her own opinion means she cannot face failure. She will aggressively, to at times a physically violent level, defend her actions and beliefs regardless of whatever evidence is presented to her that shows she is incorrect or made a mistake.

x Easily loses control of herself in high pressure situations.

Her highly emotionally charged and empathic personality can leave her unable to control her reactions when under stress or pressure. While Troy's response to conflict or risk is to become exceptionally calm and dangerously in control, his twin's is the opposite. Tyreen can easily descend into screeching, violent tantrums, or lash out physically and verbally at people she sees as the source of the emotion she is currently experiencing, regardless of if they are at fault. She is often a danger to herself and others, and cannot be trusted to stay in control when stressed.

x Self centered.

Tyreen's galaxy revolves around Tyreen. Tyreen is Tyreen's universe. She's aware that there are people she should value, she should value Troy, she should value Seifa, she should value the other Saints like Mouthpiece, but she does not feel that value. This can lead to her questioning herself at times, there is concern eating her internally that maybe she actually doesn't feel anything for anyone else, but she knows that's wrong. She knows that's weird, and Tyreen isn't a freak, so she avoids dwelling on it.

x Manipulative.

Tyreen learned at an early age that getting what she wanted was easier if she played on what the other person wanted too. She's woven this so tightly into who she is over time, that she is no longer really aware of when she's actually manipulating someone, Troy being the most common victim. If you asked her, she'd convince you she was being completely genuine and had the other person's needs at heart. It's a lie.

x Illogical.

Her firm belief that she is automatically correct and infallible is a huge threat to her, and despite having endured injury and hardships over the years due to not listening to advice or ignoring facts in favor of her own opinion, she is not open to changing.

x Greedy.

While The Leech has amplified this negative trait 100 fold, it's still one of Tyreen's natural characteristics. Her greed by mid COV is insatiable, her hunger impossible to extinguish. Nothing will ever be enough. Any satisfaction she finally feels at achieving or gaining something she has lusted for is short lived, The Leech consuming the sensation and leaving her chasing it desperately again. She is endlessly spiraling downwards, she can never be content. She is cursed.

x Values her life over anyone else.

Tyreen has built her throne on the bones of family. She has opened her arms to billions, given lost souls the belonging they craved, become a mother to the heaving masses of damaged minds across the Galaxy, but it does not contain a single person she would die for. There is no one she wouldn't kill to survive. Leda knew. Typhon knows. Troy... Troy would snap your neck before you managed to finish asking if he does.

Backstory:

Bl3 canonical backstory till landing on Pandora where the AU begins, with additional points of:

Completely incapable of physical contact with any living organism bar Troy. Her power is wildly uncontrollable, and absorbs through any barrier within seconds. Its been this ravenous since the day it first revealed itself when the twins were 8 years old, and has never given her a moment of relief from its constant hunger since.

Did not receive as much attention as she deserved as a young child due to her parents needing to provide constant care to her deathly ill twin. Tyreen suffered in silence for a long time during this period, too immature to be able to explain to her mother and father how she felt.

The Leech negatively warps her over time as it feeds within. Tyreen would have blossomed into an extroverted, empathic, loudly spoken center of attention without its influence as she grew. A positive, if slightly needy woman, with an irresistible charisma and penchant for theatrics. Her feelings for Troy would not have decayed into something so grotesque, and she could have been happy. Her insatiable, yearning, demanding half of The Leech has doomed her to inescapable misery.

Personal:

Likes:

Positive attention and recognition.

Care or concern towards her emotional state, or mental/physical wellbeing.

Very few foods, but has a great love for citrus fruits and cured meats.

Textured fabrics, her inability to touch others has over time left her quite sensitive to tactile sensations, and she is a huge fan of expensive, high end fabrics and clothing created from them

Smoking. While she has little appetite for food or drink, joints and clove cigarettes are her go to relaxants. She enjoys the physical sensation of holding and smoking one, as well as the mental relief provided by the herbs Troy grows and dries for her.

Horrendously bad romance movies. The more cringe, the better. She's seen everything, and forced her brother to watch at least half. She knows in a way she's living vicariously through them, but it feels like an innocent pleasure.

Interacting with her fans and worshippers. Tyreen is very loving and open towards the COV cultists, and genuinely sees them as the family she was able to choose to have. This doesn't change that she values them less than insects however, and she's as likely to pause for a selfie with one as she is to husk them seconds later.

Dislikes:

x Her natural hair colour.

The dark brown was Leda's. Her eye shape is Leda's. Her mouth is Leda's. She doesn't want to see her mother in the mirror, so she's focused on those parts of her that remind her the most for changes in her aesthetic. Bleach, heavy eye makeup, liner to try and alter her lip shape. Tyreen is happy with her appearance, but it's her appearance she wants to see. Not the memory of her greatest fault.

x Being challenged.

While Ty is aware there are people who's opinion's she needs to heed, like Troy and Seifa in the earlier years of the COV, she doesn't like following their instructions. It's a personal insult to her deepest core when she has to choose to not follow her own volition. Over time, it breeds contempt inside her that she doesn't care enough to quell. A trusted advisor will become someone to eventually mock, a valued sibling or mentor will become the enemy, a burden, someone she knows better than. Tyreen hates so easily, it's like breathing.

x Being looked down on.

Tyreen is a God. There is no question, no space for disbelief. She is a deity, she is not human, she transcends that term. Ten billion people across the galaxy praise her hallowed name nightly, so the idea of some corporate scum fucking bastard acting like he's above her in a meeting room, sitting in a suit he thinks is showing off his wealth when she could literally buy the company that made it, is an insult she cannot bare. Troy has to accompany Tyreen in any face to face interaction with a sponsor. He has to do the talking, he has to control the situation. Without her twin to maintain her calm, Tyreen would tear these people to chunks of viscera. She cannot abide mockery.

x Her Father.

While Typhon genuinely believes he did his best for the twins and was trying to protect them from the horrors of the Galaxy, he has ended up becoming the focal point of every single thing Tyreen loathes. The indignity of being controlled by this tiny, weak little man. The insult of being caged on a planet he decided to enslave her on. The shame towards the overbearing control and fear he showed her as she grew up on Nekrotafeyo. She hates him. She hates him. She hates him.

x Her Brother.

Troy took everything she could have been away from her. It's that simple. He did. There is no way to defend what happened. Regardless of her consuming him in the womb, regardless of what he wanted or not, he crippled her for life. He destroyed her Siren power, he stole her future, he tore any happiness she could ever have felt away from her, and left her with nothing but hunger, and hatred, and need. He's also the only person in the universe who knows her. He's the only person who cares for her. She despise him so much, she despises him so much that it almost feels like love.

x. Herself.

Not human. Not divine. Just a Leech. Just a fucking monster.

Physical differences to canon:

- Scarring is more noticeable:

Ty was glassed in the face in their first week on Pandora. Their first week. One of their earliest attempts to approach a bandit camp, and she'd had a broken bottle swung at her before she could even open her mouth to start Troy's rehearsed speech. It was also the first time she'd husked after landing, and was in self defense while the blood blinded her. The scars across her nose are jagged, and a little more set into her cheeks in depth.

- Left hand has long term damage:

Her hand sustained severe damage in a childhood incident. The white glove she wears is more to hide what she perceives as a weakness than to protect others from her powers. Cloth does practically nothing to prevent The Leech  consuming what she touches, a lesson she learned the hard way in the trauma that lead to her fingers being crushed.

- Troy was attached to her stomach:

Tyreen began to absorb Troy early in the pregnancy before her Siren power flowed into him when they had merged enough for it to consider them the same being. He was attached shoulder to her sternum, and was born with her wrapped around his smaller body. Separating them did no long term damage to Tyreen, unlike her twin, but she has a massive puckered scar running from below her sternum to her navel. This is very cool if you ask her, and the sole reason she doesn't display it is to keep their origins secretive, not due to any form of shame.

Asks are open! Any regarding AU will prob get priority for now as I work to flesh it as we go

#tyreen calypso #troy calypso #calypso twins #borderlands #borderlands 3 #bl3 #leech lord #my hcs #my writing

[xwestcoastwassyx]

Week #10 - Due: 10/28/2020

1) What is a Troll? What is “subcultural trolling”?

      In the class reading, The Origins of Trolling – Chapter 1: Defining Terms: The Origins and Evolution of Subcultural Trolling, by Phillips we can see that trolling has been a big issue and can be traced back to the early-mid 1990s. Trolling can be best described as individuals who use the threat of deception to purposely enrage and invade online culture (Phillips, 2015). The trolling community has created a level of discomfort due to the fact that they uninvitingly invade user blogs and other online chatrooms – such as AOL – and behave and act in disruptive ways. Phillips argues, “...even the possibility of the existence of trolls, makes community member far less likely to trust outsiders or to tolerate those who haven’t yet mastered the community’s norms” (2015). This shows that the trolling community has created anxieties and paranoias on the global, online culture.

       Subcultural trolling, on the other hand, can be referred to as a group of individuals who actively invade, harass, and threaten online blogs and chatrooms. Phillips mentions that the reason why trolls are given the term “sub-“ in “subcultural” is because “culture is already fragmented before the imposition of subcultural categories” (2015). This implies that there is a smaller group of people – within a larger culture – who share similar belief systems. However, Phillips notes, “…given trolls’ simultaneously symbiotic and exploitative relationship to mainstream culture, particularly in the context of corporate media, it seems appropriate to frame trolling as fundamentally subsidiary” (2015). Within subcultural trolling, it is noted that trolls act out in ways that are similar to those of capitalism. It is similar to capitalism because its main goal is to invade an online chatroom – or blog – and through it off (overruling) by exploiting disturbing comments, videos, or images. This subculture invades and disturbs media through exposing inappropriate nude images and other unwanted images like a person having explosive diarrhea.

2) Is it appropriate to distinguish the act of “trolling” as its own subculture within the digital media? Are the development of memes a form of capitalism?

      There is the online culture and then the subcultural trolls – the smaller cultural group that lies within the online community/culture. Trolls come together on internet blogs – like “4chan’s /b/ board” – and connect with other “trolls” to elaborate on their disruptive doings. Although internet blogs like “4chan’s /b/ board” are not responsible for the creation of Internet trolls, this blog is still home to the subcultural trolls – considering that this is where they meet up and share their ideas. The fact that there are trolls who come together on internet blogs like “4chans /b/ board” proves that it is appropriate to place trolls in their own subculture. Websites like 4chan have allowed for the subcultural trolling to exist and to establish the foundation of the meme. Phillips states, “…subcultural trolls on and around 4chan’s /b/ board were responsible for creating, or at the very least amplifying, nearly every popular meme on the Internet…” (2015). Tracing back to the correlation between internet trolls and capitalism, the creation of the meme serves a valuable purpose in the corrupt subculture because memes are being passed down by the Internet culture on social medias and blogs. For example, the people – or in this case, consumers – see an image or a video of explicit and disturbing content (a meme) on Twitter, laugh at the image, and pass it down to expose another person. This can be traced back to an act of capitalism because the internet trolls are using their creation of memes as a consumer product that is formulated to disturb and hurt the online culture. However, the meme is advertised as a funny artifact online that can be fun to engage in – sneaky and corrupt because the creation of the meme was originally structured around the threats of deception.

3) What are the main differences between “proto-“and “early-modern” trolling on Internet technologies? Were trolls a threat to the early web?

      As discussed in the class reading The Origins of Trolling – Chapter 1: Defining Terms: The Origins and Evolution of Subcultural Trolling – by Phillips – we can see that are a differences in the act of trolling between the past – or “proto-“and the current day. When the online global culture weas exposed to the act of “trolling” they did not know what is was or who was acting out on the disturbing messages. Philips argues that people online saw these “trolls” as hackers, online impersonators, or a group of people who were purposely acting out in disruptive ways – they were not given a solidified name just yet. He claims, “Because these early disruptive behaviors and people’s descriptions of these behaviors were so variable, and because there was no clear center to the trolling universe, a great deal of overlap existed between proto- and early trolling spaces…” (Phillips, 2015). This shows that trolls have continued to progress and develop into something far worse than they originally started out to be. Their threat of deception went beyond – into the development to the meme – to spread their toxic and disruptive doings in cyberspace. However, the crystallization of the term “troll” – in modern technology and cyber culture – became solidified towards the early 2000s when their presence became strong on online social medias and when they progressed into their developments and spread of the meme. As previously mentioned, the meme is advertised as a “fun”, “jokingly” image that can be passed on from internet blog to blog to spread laughter and job. That is what trolls would want you to think – this proves that they act out on corrupt behaviors that represent capitalism. Techno logical developers saw trolls as a threat to the early web because they knew the intensions of trolling were to disturb and make people who are online feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Technological platforms are supposed to make people feel like they can escape the harassment and wrongful doings that they experience offline. However, through the “proto-“exposure of trolling, we have seen that modern trolling has successfully done its job in invading chatrooms or web blogs to continue to harass online culture, creating no safe haven online or offline.  

4) Could it be possible that online trolls are members of the White Supremacists Movement?

      Leslie Jones and other black women have been victims of horrific, online abuse via social media platforms such as Twitter. In the article “A Timeline of Leslie Jones’s Horrific Online Abuse” – by Anna Silman – we can see that trolls continue to invade and hack user profiles to discriminate against them with racist remarks. The act of the “hateful meme” is mentioned by Silman when she notes that trolls hacked Leslie’s Twitter account and expose a meme of a dead gorilla, Harambe (2016). The trolls have also explicitly exposed Leslie Jones by placing nude photos of the celebrity all over her Twitter account and exposing other personal images of Jones. Leslie Jones expresses the fact that she is used to this type of abuse and states, “’What is scary about the whole thing is that the insults didn’t hurt me. Unfortunately I’m used to the insults. That’s unfortunate,” she told Meyer. “But what scared me was the injustice of a gang of people jumping against you for such a sick cause”’ (Silman, 2016). Leslie decides to stay off of Twitter for a period of time – which is a normal reaction to what anyone would do if they are a victim of hate speech. The disturbing thing about this is that Twitter’s CEO continuously mentions that he and his team are continuously “looking” into detecting hate speech on Twitters platform. However, I call this claim to be fake because the only thing the CEO of Twitter does is “temporarily” suspend the abusers account – which is not fair and could be the reason as to why these online trolls continue to act out in the ways that they do; they get no real punishment. Another famous celebrity, Gabby Douglas, becomes a victim of online trolling. She, too, is a Black woman which raises concern in my eyes. If there are trolls who act out in capitalist behaviors and act out in the forms of discrimination and racisms, it is possibly that these trolls could be members of the White Supremacist Movement. While trolls continue to “hack” and invade people’s social media accounts, internet CEOs continue to “investigate” and “temporarily suspend” the abusers account.

Bergstrom, K. (2011). Don’t feed the trolls: Shutting down debate about community expectations on Reddit.com. First Monday, 16(8). 

Phillips, W. (2015). Defining terms: The origins and evolution of subcultural trolling. This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: Mapping the Relationship between Online Trolling and Mainstream Culture. pp. 55-57.

Silman, A. (2016). A Timeline of Leslie Jones’s Horrific Online Abuse. The Cut: Online Harassment. 

#wgst320 fall2020

[tangled-the-series-forever]

Crossing the Line

Who’s ready for another lyric analysis?

In general, I want to discuss why I think Cass didn’t respond well to Rapunzel’s “request” and how it could have gone differently. It starts with the very first line.

“This has to stop now, whatever it is that you’re going through”

Here we see Raps trying to get Cass to stop and “make things right” by surrendering the moonstone before she (Raps) listens to why she (Cass) did so in the first place

By placing the emphasis on Cass’ current actions rather than her emotions, Rapunzel essentially tells Cass that her feelings don’t matter. She’s basically saying, “I don’t care why you did what you did, and you need to stop because that’s wrong.”

Of course Cass’ actions were wrong. She shouldn’t have taken the moonstone out of anger and years’ worth of frustrations, but she did. It’s too late to take it back, but she can still “make things right”.

The question is: does she really want to?

Honestly, I probably wouldn’t. Because when Raps sings that first line, she’s already pulling rank on Cass and making her feel like she’s felt for so long. Now with that being said, I get why Raps put her foot down. It’s easy to say she had to in order to persuade Cass to do the right thing. But we should remember two things

Raps doesn’t have the best record when it comes to putting her foot down with Cass (think Rapunzel and the Great Tree, the argument moments before “Waiting in the Wings”)

She had other options for dealing with Cass’ betrayal

Yes, I’m sure the shock of it played into her decision-making abilities at the time, but that’s no reason to say she had to respond to Cass the way she did. She had choices. It may not have been easy, but she could have taken a moment to stop and think about why Cass would do something like that. It wasn’t like she just did it on a whim. I think from the moment they left The House of Yesterday’s Tomorrow, Cass either pondered the idea or had already decided to take the moonstone. Either way, there was a lot of emotion behind why she did what she did, and Raps doesn’t even try to unpack that. She simply goes to the surface level and demands that Cass fix her mistake.

If I recall, earlier in the episode Raps stopped to think when it seemed like Eugene had betrayed her. So why couldn’t she do that for Cass? Once again, no one stands up for her or tries to understand her motivations (just like in Rapunzel and the Great Tree).

And that’s all just based on the first line of the song.

“We’ll fix it together me and you just like we’ve always done”

I’ll try not to analyze every single line, but I had one thing to say about this line before moving on. In Rapunzel’s mind, she and Cass work as a team to solve problems and work things out between them. What I believe happens, however, is Raps offers apologies with no change in behavior and so nothing is ever actually “fixed”. I’m not saying Cass doesn’t ever do this, but it’s definitely not to the extent of which Rapunzel does. A key example of this can be found in Under Raps, where Rapunzel yet again ignores Cass’ boundaries on information she wants to keep secret.

“Cassandra, listen”

“I’m listening!”

This really gets me because the irony of Raps telling Cass to listen when really she’s the one that needs to lend an ear. Cass took the moonstone because Raps failed to listen to her all those other times when she ignored her boundaries or feelings of concern. And she has the a u d a c i t y to tell Cass to listen. Please.

“I know it isn’t true”

What exactly is Raps referring to here? She knows what isn’t true? The fact that Cass feels justified in taking the moonstone or that she sees her friendship with Raps as being unfair? Or that Cass really wants to take the moonstone and plans to get away with it? This line could refer to any number of things or all of the above. Whatever the case, Raps kinda invalidates Cass’ thoughts and feelings by saying this because it implies, “That can’t be right” or “You’re just not thinking straight”. During this particular moment and all throughout season 3, Raps can’t seem to understand that Cass just wants her to stop invalidating her feelings.

“So before another line gets crossed and everything we’ve had is lost, just wait”

“Wait? No, I won’t wait”

I don’t want to state the obvious, but once again, Raps is more concerned with Cass being a good girl and doing the right thing than she is with her feelings, which is funny coming from someone who places such a high value on doing what feels right in your heart. Anyway, Cass doesn’t do well with the word “wait”, and it’s from then on that we see her show little mercy or shame. Before this, I think there’s a good possibility of her at least considering handing over the moonstone. But not after Rapunzel says “wait”. That word is a trigger for Cass, and she’s done waiting.

“There’s a line between the chosen and the rest”

Clearly Cass sees herself as “the rest” here because as much as she wants to be chosen, her life is full of people and moments that declare the opposite. Okay, so the Captain chose to adopt her, that’s one positive example. But everything else? Gothel chose to abandon her. The Captain chose other people to be guards instead of her. And on and on it goes. When she’s standing next to Rapunzel, she’s definitely never the “chosen” one, which makes sense given their positions within the kingdom. Yet many times throughout the series, I feel like it’s fair to say that Cass isn’t even “chosen” by Rapunzel when it comes down to her and Eugene. If the situation demands loyalty or advice, Rapunzel often turns to Eugene. This isn’t to say that she never goes to Cass for these things, but even in their friend group, she’s in last place. Sure, Eugene is Raps’ boyfriend/basically fiancé, but she really hasn’t known him much longer than Cass when you think about it. Anyways...

“Me here with the luckless, you there with the blessed”

It’s not fair for Cass to get mad at Rapunzel for having all this newfound power and authority when she finds out she’s a princess, but it still hurts. And what really bothers me is that in this scene, as Cass continues to sing, Rapunzel tries to make her way through the rocks towards her. Now, we shouldn’t be surprised. That’s the kind of person she is, the one who would do anything (“give anything” hint hint) to help her friends. But I think it would have been more beneficial for Raps to just stop and listen to Cass instead of trying so hard to get to her. Basically all she says once she does reach her is “Cassandra, wait!” and we all already know that’s not the best response.

“I’m crossing the line / And I’m done holding back”

The freedom on Cass’ face when she sings this line just fills me with lots of emotion. She’s ready to take hold of her destiny and while I wish it didn’t come at the expense of her friendship with Rapunzel, I can’t say I’m not happy for her.

“I’m taking what’s mine / Every drop, every smidge”

The reason I think Cass goes so hard on the powerlust is because she’s used to having nothing to very little of anything. So when she finally gets to have something for herself (albeit by force), she’s all in.

And last, but certainly not least...

“If I’m burning a bridge let it burn”

and...

“And for us, if we’re over, that’s fine!”

Not only are these lines power moves, but I think they’re heavily based on emotion. Cass is channeling everything she’s felt based on Rapunzel’s actions lately and releasing them in this moment. Going back to the power move thing, I see Cass as an Ennagram 8. I’m a 9, so I can’t always relate, but it does seem that type 8’s typically make power moves when upset. I’m not sure if Cass completely means it when she says that she’s fine if her friendship with Raps is over, but I do think she’s at least prepared to be fine in case that happens. In her eyes, Raps probably wouldn’t want to still be friends with her after this, so by taking the moonstone, Cass assumes they’re done. After all, she’s not going to not take the moonstone. And she can’t see how they can be friends with things the way they are.

Final thoughts: Cass just wanted Raps to listen. Okay, and for her to show some respect every once in a while and care about Cass’ thoughts/feelings for once, but is that really a lot to ask? Please feel free to reblog with any other bits of lyric analysis. I love doing this even though it is time-consuming and slightly emotionally draining.

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