#i hope i broke your hearts

[in7ernt-ju1ce]

Leo loved Jason.

He loved being in Jason’s arms, it made him feel safe and cozy. He loved the way Jason’s arms felt like they could lift up the whole world. He loved the way Jason carried him around, feeling weightless off the ground. He loved the way Jason’s legs would swing softly while he listened to Leo rant. He loved the way Jason’s lips brushed against his cheeks when he leaned over to rest his head on Leo’s should. Leo loved Jason’s softness as he scratched Leo behind the ears. He loved the way Jason kissed his forehead and his cheeks. He loved the way Jason’s face lit up when he saw Leo.

Leo loved Jason.

He loved the soft touch in the dark. The whisper and small glances. The way they would creep up to the roof and laugh. The way they fit together like puzzle pieces. Jason never judged Leo, a small smile alway on his lips. Leo loved Jason’s soft snores when they curled up in bed and Jason fell asleep first. The way Jason’s hand gently rubbed his stomach when he felt ill. His caring Jason.

Leo loved Jason.

When he opened his eyes, expecting Jason’s hand in his. Just to see Jason in front of him, holding Piper’s. He thought it was a sick joke. And it was really. His lesbian best friend and his lover together? He wanted to argue about all the memories they shared. But it scared Leo, he only remembered Jason and Piper getting together. When?

Leo did love Jason.

Even with his heart in pieces, Leo loved Jason. The small touches from Jason, even if they meant nothing anymore. The small smile. Leo knew how the scar on Jason’s lips felt against his own lips. Right? He felt as phantom shivers in his body. Then why can’t he remember it? He was half of his soul, as the poets say.

Leo loved Jason Calypso.

Her cinnamon-smelling caramel hair that was braided over one shoulder, electric blue dark almond-shaped eyes, and a face that appeared to be timeless. Her soft hands. He did love her… Her skin smooth, no imperfections, unlike Leo. No scars, no scratches. His fingers glided over her skin. Like she was a image from far away. Nothing to gasp onto, nothing to show that she had endured tragic times. A painting covered in a box of glass, sheltered away from the tragedy.

Leo didn’t love Calypso.

He loved Jason.

Jason’s cold hand contrasted him, a comfortable contrast. The world must fall to fire or storm. To fire it shall go, a storm avoided till it circles back. A crashing of lightning as fires spread, a constant contrast.

Leo wished Jason would love him back.

The memories of the sparks, they shared, haunting him like ghosts as Piper replaced his spot. Only after he had dead, and came back, did Leo know. Those memories weren’t so gone. After all, Hera had to use memories from somewhere to create such realistic memories. Right? The unfortunate soul who happened to be pick was Leo. In the end, Hera could never let her Champions to truly be happy. Could she?

Leo still loves Jason.

Jason will never get to say in back in their life time. Maybe when they met again?

In a castle on a hill, two boys laugh. One dressed in riches, the other in rags. But they do not care. The spend their days together, never leaving each others sides. A universe where they can be happy…

One of the boy’s eyes flutter open. "Name one hero who was happy." Silence filled the air. "You can't." He was sitting up now, leaning forward.

"I can't."

"I know. They never let you be famous and happy." He lifted an eyebrow. "I'll tell you a secret."

"Tell me." He loved it when the other was like this.

"I'm going to be the first." He took their palm and held it to his. "Swear it.”

"Why me?"

"Because you're the reason. Swear it."

"I swear it.”

"I swear it," He echoed.

They sat frozen in the moment, hands touching.

#percy jackson and the olympians #jason x leo #valgrace #leo x jason #heroes of olympus #achilles #patroclus #leo valdez #jason grace #achilles x patroclus #poetic #light angst #i'm sad #i hope this is okay! #i hope i broke your hearts #mentions of calypso #past leo valdez x calypso

[faxxmodem]

og post: @dogmotif

#chainshipping #adam faulkner stanheight #lawrence gordon #saw 2004 #saw #fxmdm edits #ch: very fucking confused #ch: perfect engine #otp: follow your heart #hope everyone reads 'hot' as a really pathetic sob. his voice broke and everything #oh i thought this was gonna be funny but now im sad

[xray-vex]

HOW YOUR EMAIL FINDS ME

#literally. re: email from my ex this morning #every day it takes every ounce of mental and emotional strength i have to get my ass out of bed and face the day #today i begin packing to move the fuck out of here #everything fucking hurts and i hate this so much #i'm not feeling brave about any of this #one of the worst things about a breakup is that it damages you for any potential future relationships #in the sense that “how can i ever trust anyone with my heart and my love ever again?” #as if it's not bad enough losing someone you thought would be in your life forever #but the deeply cutting betrayal of finding out that this person you actually trusted with your literal life had led you on FOR YEARS #ESPECIALLY in the sense that this whole scenario is giving me intense flashbacks to the ending of another relationship #that broke me so bad it almost killed me #and it's easy for them to say “i hope you find someone who makes you happy” when they have someone new in their life #if i believed i had prospects for a new romantic relationship then it would be a little easier for me to collect myself & regroup & move on #but i don't think i have it in me to go thru any of this again #and that gives me even more layers of anger and rage and grief #as if it wasn't enough to betray me and break my fucking heart #but it broke me FOR ANY FUTURE LOVE AND HAPPINESS TOO #i know it's not productive for me to think that way #but right now i am fucking drowning in my fucking pain and fucking grief and fucking rage #i wanted stability and love and trust and someone to come home to every night and someone to come home to me every night #i just wanted to love and be loved #i wanted someone who i could call home #I JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED #rage #grief #trauma #edward teach #our flag means death #ofmd

[bijoumikhawal]

"Biden is the best choice and he's actually really empathetic and reasonable but also you can't wait for a candidate that won't do genocide and war crimes because to become a presidential candidate you have to be willing to do that" see what you fundamentally don't understand is I'm not waiting for a candidate that won't do war crimes, because I know that. I cannot morally stomach this system, it's a joke to claim its democratic, and AMERICA DELENDA EST. this country is a plague on this Earth

#cipher talk #It's baffling because okay so you know how fucked up this is but you're behaving in a way that clearly indicates you want that this shambli #Disgusting empire to cling to life until after you're dead because it'd make /you/ uncomfortable and inconvenienced #To live through its destruction (the wealthier classes and more privileged experience lesser material changes in state collapse so long as #They aren't too highly ranked/involved in politics. A Sri Lankan wrote an article specifically addressing Americans about this) #It's so dehumanizing! People's blood is so cheap to you! You've just accepted its inevitable that genocide will happen! #Because of how the US operates! You can see no other future! It hardly matters to you! #You say this like the death of Palestinians of Yemenis of Syrians is someone else's dropped ice cream cone #You understand why people hate this country and you understand we deserve it but it just. Hardly matters to you #It feels like madness to watch this. It's disgusting #I keep thinking- it'd be so easy for you to justify my people being killed if violence broke out and it was in your favor #It's unlikely because. Well. America loves 'the church of the martyrs' #But you'd do it if that was favorable. You wouldn't think twice. You might feel a twinge in your heart but that's all #Because we aren't people to you! #We aren't all that important! Not important enough for you do anything more than 'well let's vote a blue in and do some protests' #What's a protest worth if you perpetuate the system and can't see a way out and don't try for a way out? #That's killing a man then putting flowers on his casket. It's /perverse/. #You get used to the idea that Africans die that West Asians die and that's just the way of the world. My g-d do you understand anything?? #I watch necrosis take hold my parts of my culture and I watch every good person I know be ground to dust under a military regime #I talk to my friend who got drafted and is trans and may never come out because if they do they can get arrested as a 'prostitute' #I watch the wild hope for the future I was introduced to over radio at 9 years old wither #I watch people risk it anyway because just past the fence they can see they know there are people there #I watch my neighbor to the south crumble and weep because our hands are bloody and it's in part because we bloodied them for the west #And you just think that's how things are. #Fascist white death cult mindset

[merverelli]

👼🗡️ toddiel, the golden sword of the inconquerable dawn. 👼🗡️

#brennan lee mulligan #fallen for you #just like art #love this boy #yes this is fanart of a 7 year old video #but in my defence: im currently recovering from surgery so i can do no wrong rn #also: i got surgery to hopefully help my chronic pain!! it was a minor surgery too thankfully so im all good rn #the hospital i went to had VERY good homemade mini margarita pizzas and that was basically all i ate there #fucking ruled actually #and the worst part of recovery should be over (excluding physio etc) so thats cool too! fuck crutches all my homies hate crutches #been using recovery as an excuse to get into traditional art again bc its easier to do than digital art after my surgery #turns out im bad at traditional art #i fucked up lining the first try of this and had to redo the whole thing. i then fucked up lining the second try near the end. #i then decided to try to save it. #you need to ignore the white out stains because there was no way i was gonna be able to attempt lining this a third time. #i then found out i have neither a peach tone coloured marker or pencil. #this fanart damn near broke me. #fuck traditional art. my heart goes out to every traditional artist. #so theres my life update!! v busy (i have fused to the couch) #hope youre doing good champ ily thanks for reading i love our lil chats

[babyinablender]

My mouth waters

I taste heavy, I feel possessed

My hands move, my belly empty

My thoughts not my own, my actions

Plenty

And I am hungry, so hungry,

It growls, so lewd and loud and heavy

So heavy

My bones pop and grind, it aches

I hurt

So empty, so hungry

Eyes burning, tongue swollen

So hungry, so unfulfilled

My hands grasp and pull and grasp,

And pull,

My plate is empty

My bowl is empty

I have eaten it all and tasted nothing

And I am so hungry, so empty

My cheeks hallow

My gut rumbles

My mouth waters

I dream of your flesh

Between my teeth

And my mouth waters

How much of this love

Is only hunger

For what I always denied myself

How much of it

Is real

Is whole

Unburdened

My mouth waters

I drool

With thoughts of you

Cut to pieces on a plate, sauce heavy

Thick gravy

Jeweled root vegetables bestowed upon your crown,

Sumptuous, delicious feast

Of human bone

And gristle

#mine #she broke my heart #poetry #vent art #what did i do this time? why did i do it? #depersonalization #extreme hunger #recovery #cannabilism equates love #woopdewoop eds suck and come and go and fuck up your body all the time <3 #imagine a wraith come home for the first time; full of love and hope; only to give in to the hunger her lover's pulse invokes

[fastasyoucan1999]

i love u p&p..but you will never have what persuasion has

#i am half agony half hope is absolutely insane. genuinely her best work..her most romantic and loving clutching my heart rn oh goddd #i offer myself to you again…with a heart even more your own than when you broke it eight years ago🤣🤣don’t even joke

[khogayehumkahan]

As much as my mind might want to give you up, I don’t think my heart will let me.

#this post is about you #heartbreak #i only want you #i love you #you broke my heart #i miss you #all i think about is you #i still love you #missing you #unrequited love #do you ever think of me? #am I on your mind #i hope you think of me #i can’t move on #I can’t give you up #please come back #n

[beef-unknwn]

alright. idea. hear me out: jealous badyah

HEAR ME OUT. JUST HEAR ME OUT

norma starts hanging out more with zagan for training or whatever and badyah gets jealous (in denial too bc pain why not)

anyways so like

"sorry, i gotta go to-"

"bathmos? yeah, i get it. go do your thing"

"i promise we'll hang out more-"

"no, no. it's okay, really. i know how important this is for you. don't worry about me"

"...okay"

then badyah confides in logs or barney about her feelings towards norma. is it platonic? is it romantic? is she gay or what? then norma confides in zagan about her relationship with badyah. should they be hanging out more? is this really okay? is badyah okay?

then they finally talk it out with each other and something something they date and kiss. love wins. hurray

alternatively they stay friends but talk about space and boundaries and not being so clingy and stuff

anyways

#dead end paranormal park #de:pp #dead end netflix #norma khan #badyah hassan #de:pp badyah #de:pp norma #hope i broke your heart. again :)

[lazarusweptt]

" you know ,

i don't have the best luck

in the girlfriend department.... "

ft: @ofchaoticminds & @ofuntamedhearts

#&. grief is an amputation but hope is an incurable hemophilia: you bleed and bleed and bleed jeremy #&. i owe you a black eye and two kisses —— tyler #&. i couldn't make you love me and i'm tired of pulling your teeth kol #&. no grave can hold my body down; i'll crawl home to her bonnie #&. our love broke my heart and stopped yours vicki #&. you must be a ghost: real enough to love but always out of reach anna #&. the truth is: i want to hold your hands because they are like mine. holding a knife by the blade and sharpening it ---- jess & javi #death tw

[toygirljackal-archive]

Fuck I feel so dumb

#vent in the tags #she doesn't follow me anymore. why does such a simple thing hurt so much. #I'm mourning a relationship that barely even happened... but it feels so impossible to move on from... #I... really hate that I feel this way. it feels unfair to people I love now... #vaguing but do you ever instantly hit it off with someone and fall immediately in love but then fuck it up and become unable to interact #for like weeks. and she cared about you and you cared about her but it didn't work and it was your fault. and you try to move on... #but every fourth thought is about her and how much you wish she was in your arms and you in hers. and you love other people but not like he #like somehow this person you've only known for a week and a half is more important than anyone else but she's the one person you forced awa #and it's been weeks and you still can't say anything because you know you'd only hurt her. but what if you could make her understand? #but if she can't you'll just be hurting her over and over and you can't bring yourself to risk that. bc you love her #you love her too much to love her. cruel irony #and maybe if she wanted she'd text you. but maybe she's feeling the same way and is waiting for you. so you're torn #do you share your feelings honestly and risk hurting her or leave her alone and risk hurting... #would it be better if you made yourself the bad guy? would she hurt less if she believed you were as bad as you think you were? #would it be better if you told her a lie. that you moved on. that you didn't love her anymore. or would it break her heart? #all I want is for her to be happy. and I know I can't give her that... #and she shared her struggles to feel worthy... and I KNOW she's worth it all and more... a million times more than I could ever give her... #I feel like I gave her false hope and broke her even worse... she said I didn't hurt her. I don't believe her but I really hope it's true #I think I'll be thinking about her forever. wondering “what if”s till I die

[winter-literature]

Deadman's Stand In

A Given Fan Fiction

Okay, so I have been extremely sick this week and watched Given and read the manga and have not yet recovered from the intense level of angst I feel from this show. So I wrote a fanfiction to help me deal with some of my unresolved feelings.

Summary:

Post anime, within the final chapters of the Manga.

Uenoyama deals with the fact that he doesn’t feel like his own person. His friendships and relationship currently revolve around him being a shadow of who Yuki used to be.

This FF focuses on Uneoyama's hurt that I didn't feel were acknowledged enough. The feelings of inadequacy, of being second strung, and just so fucking hurt that you can’t figure out what to do because the person you love won’t talk to you and… who do you have left?

Charcoal clouds covered the night sky, their dull grey reflected in glacier blue eyes. If he stared intently enough, perhaps he’d see the reminiscent twinkle of a far off star. 

His forlorn sigh fogged up the glass before him. With a click of his tongue he let out a wry laugh. The irony of the ghost-like image was not lost on his train of thoughts. Blowing on the glass, he enlarged the opaquing white. 

Before he wrote his message onto glass, his phone started buzzing once again. Dejected, he decided he should finally answer it. 

“Dude, are you okay?” Haruki forever played the role of band mother. 

“I was just about to head to bed. Why?” Uenoyama forced his throat to swallow the growl that was clawing at the surface.

“This new song… it… are you and Mafuyu… okay?” 

Uenoyama knew that the first line of worry would be the band. It was his and Mafuyu’s promise going into it, of course. They knew there would be problems, but they’d get through them together. Or, so he thought.

The reality, though, is everytime Uenoyama struggles, with himself or in the relationship, Mafuyu pulls away. He doesn’t know where to turn to, who to talk to. All of his friends are Mafuyu’s friends now too, and they might be even worse, at times.

“We’re the same as last week.” Uenoyama squeaked his finger through the lingering blur of white. “As far as I know, at least.” 

“I’m just saying… this song… it’s, it’s amazing!” 

Uenoyama could practically see Haruki frantically waving his hands, as if his own words had lit a fire before his face.

“Were you and Akihiko able to layer your parts then?” Uenoyama assumed that they would organize it together. They basically lived and breathed each other, Uenoyama doubted Haruki even hit play before sharing an earbud with his boyfriend. It must be nice to be connected to someone like that. 

“Oh, uh, Akihiko is working on his part right now… but it’s… do you think Mafuyu will want to sing to this beat? Isn’t it usually, um, backwards? From how you guys usually do it? Has he started his la-la-la’s and udon noo-oodles yet?” 

“It can be a demo or an extra track. I don’t… I don’t really want him to know about this one, okay?” Uenoyama clenched his eyes shut, the reality blinding. “At least not until it’s done.”

“NO! You two aren’t breaking up are you? What happened?! I told you this would happen! Ugh what were we thinking?” His voice trailed to a muffled mumble.

“We’re the same as last week, I already told you.” Uenoyama breathed against the window pane to reanimate his colouring board. 

“You both seem off…” 

“Are you coming to my show?” Uenoyama diverted courses. He didn’t want to talk about his relationship anymore. A part of him hoped he could actually just discuss music with Haruki, but nothing’s ever quite that easy. 

“Yeah, of course.” There was a distant sadness that carried through the phone. 

“Is Mafuyu coming with you?” Uenoyama cursed his chest for the sudden spike in his heart rate.

He always held onto the hope that Mafuyu would come, would take initiative to mend what keeps falling into oblivion. 

“Oh, I - uh - I don’t know?”

But he never does.

“Wouldn’t you know, Uenoyama?”

Because as much as Mafuyu sees fragments of his reflection. 

“Hello?”

Uenoyama can never be Yuki.

-

Tears dotted the page as he focused on the missing pieces. Of course Hiiragi would ask him to finish the song. He has the one piece that the others don’t. 

He’s writing about the man he loves.

From the inspiration of a lost soul. 

Uenoyama might have been able to say no, but he didn’t want to risk losing this gig. In reality, probably the only reason they brought him on was because of his relationship with Mafuyu. They’ve told him between jokes and sets how much he reminds them of Yuki.

So he keeps his head down. And he keeps writing. It’s not hard to see what Yuki saw in him. His sparkling eyes that soak in the world around him. So fragile yet so insurmountable at the same time. He just wishes that the first time he brought these words to paper, they could really be played from his heart. 

Instead they go through the filter of what Yuki would have thought. How he would have sang. 

Uenoyama spent countless hours researching the man and the music. 

Mafuyu only ever looks at Uenoyama like that when he plays guitar.

Those must be the moments he’s most reminded of Yuki.

-

No matter the season, the sun basks through the windows, warming the platform of the stairs. Uenoyama collapses towards the surface, his body starting to fail him. His brain is fogged, his movements languid, even his breath is raspy. 

The crashing descent from his knees to his hips, to his chest, is barely noticed as his body lingers in the first stage of sleep.

His brain has been on overdrive, writing Yuki’s love song. Part of him hopes that Mafuyu will hear it and finally see Uenoyama through the shards. But that doubt fuelled the rhythm of the song in Haruki’s possession. 

In all likelihood, it was the blend of writing, waiting, and unyielding loneliness that created the concoction of his exhausted state. Not the added half an hour cramming for the test that he’d told himself it was.

As his mind fell deeper into sleep, he could hear Mafuyu’s laugh. Uenoyama squinted to make out the words that started to leave his lips. The sentence was distorted, but the message was clear. ‘I love you’. 

Uenoyama woke in a jolt of sweat, his breath whistling out of his throat. 

“Are you okay?” The voice was as distorted as his vision as tears fell without regard, while his chest heaved in rhythm. “Uenoyama? R-Ritsuka?”

Mayfuyu’s voice sliced through the delirium. 

Uenoyama assumed he must still be dreaming. Sobbing, he dropped his forehead to the ground, and let the pain fall through him. Down to his very toes. Everything hurt.

A gentle hand stroked his hair, but it didn’t stop the pain. Somehow, the realization that this was reality, only made the pain worse.

Is love always this lonely? 

-

I walk the path paved for someone else

Echoes 

Of adoration and laughter

Beloved by all 

Echoes of scars

Against my skin 

Echoes of lips

Stained by tears 

I live as a dead man’s stand in 

“Wh-what is this?” Mafuyu looked up from his phone screen. 

Uenoyama’s brow furrowed as he looked up at his boyfriend then back to Haruki, who’s face set ablaze.

“What?” Uenoyama’s back straightened, as if he already knew the answer. He was carefully setting his guitar beside him, preparing for a fight, a cry, or simply to escape.

“I’m sorry, I - oh no.” Haruki’s voice turned to gravel as he muffled his lips into the palm of his hand.

“Is this… is this how you feel, Uenoyama?” Mafuyu’s eyes teared, his fingers trembled around his phone. 

“I- I’m so sorry!” Uenoyama collapsed to his knees, but Mafuyu was already leaving.

Whenever Mafuyu left it felt as if his heart was being torn out of his chest. But how can you lose someone you never truly had?

-

The spotlights burned his skin as the crowd roared. He prayed that Mafuyu was there. Maybe then he’d understand. He poured his soul into Yuki’s song. For Mafuyu could have his goodbye… so that Mafuyu could have another moment with the one he loved.

Sweat beaded down Uenoyama’s brow as his heart lit aflame. Nothing else mattered. At this moment, on stage, he let out every sour emotion and fragment of dread to burn under the stage lights.

-

Mafuyu ran backstage, headed directly to Uenoyama who slouched happily in his seat. Before Uenoyama could react to the rehead’s presence, Mafuyu gripped the man’s collar in his fist and yelled a proclamation towards him. “I want to sing! And make music with you!”

Uenoyama’s heart pounded in his ears. Did this mean he forgave him? Or was it a shadow of feelings left lingered from Yuki’s song?

“For the rest of my life!” Mafuyu added, the words louder than the amps had been during Uenoyama’s show. 

“Huh?” Uenoyama was lost for words. The battle of mediocrity played in his head as Mafuyu stared into him. Was he honestly seeing him? 

“I promise.” Mafuyu’s grip continued to twist at Uenoyama’s black shirt.

“Sorry… come again?” Uenoyama stammered; he couldn’t comprehend the reasoning behind Mafuyu’s actions. Was he forgiving Uenoyama? Was he apologizing for the distance? Why can’t anything just be clear?!

“I will never let you regret it!” 

The collar on Uenoyama’s shirt threatened to strangle him.

Mafuyu’s eyes were intense, his chest heaving while he kept his face inches from Uenoyama’s. 

“Hold it right there!” Hiiragi screamed. “You… what do you think you’re doing in someone’s dressing room dropping - like - a proposal?” 

Uenoyama met Mafuyu’s weeping eyes. For once, he truly believed, they only saw him. 

“You came.” Uenoyama ignored Hiiragi, speaking to Mafuyu with soft words. His hands worked of their own accord, reaching out for Mafuyu.

“Of course, of course I did.” Tears ran freely as Mafuyu held Uenoyama’s hand against his flushed cheek. 

Biting his own lip, Uenoyama struggled with his own emotional eruption. Mafuyu rarely ever cried off stage. Yet…

“Thank you.” Uenoyama whispered, brushing kisses against shuddering lips as he pulled Mafuyu onto his lap.

“Why? Why did you do that to yourself? Why’d you finish Yuki’s song?” Mafuyu’s voice was hoarse as he fired questions between kisses.

“Because he would have wanted you to hear it.” Uenoyama’s floodgate broke. His tears flowed without regard while his thumb caressed those of his partners.

“You… you…” Mafuyu stammered, drowning under his own tears.

Concerned glacier eyes sparkled under crystal lakes towards Mafuyu, who offered a half smirk in return. He couldn’t respond, instead, the redhead wrapped his legs around Uenoyama as they pushed their foreheads together.

Salty tears of heartache, forgiveness, and understanding.

Tears that belonged to just them. 

#given #given fan fiction #given fandom #given fanwork #mafuyu #mafuyu sato #uenoyama #uenoyama ritsuka #uenoyama x mafuyu #ending edit #given spoilers #angst and fluff #I hope this broke your heart as much as it broke mine #fan fiction #fanfiction #fan fiction writer #a03 #a03 writer #wattpad writer #brooding men and instruments #anime fan fiction #grief and loss

[weirdo09]

that moment when you realize no one’s gonna love you

#cw vent #it just i think about my flaws and everything #like every damn time someone leaves bcuz i’m too ‘clingy’ or i wanna talk all the time or i’m always making time for you when you ain’t gon #do the same for me #i fucking hate people #every time #every god damn time #someone manages to make me feel wanted and special but then i’m just too much for you #I NEVER WANTED NOTHING FROM YOU BUT INTEREST MAN #but you didn’t want me #you never did #you got with the next bitch and they broke your heart look at that #all bcuz you just weren’t into me anymore #you shoulda said that shit from the start #before i feel for your ugly ass #fuck yourself bitch #you were a toxic piece of shit #hope you have a nice life <3

[probayern]

it's amazing how when you reach out to your friends and make plans you have plans again

#y'all... i have not been. doing well lately #like 30 different stressful things happened in january and i think they broke my brain #i developed anxiety related acid reflux?? which only made me constantly anxious i was dying of a heart attack? #and it's like. starting to fade. but my body is still so tense #i've never had such bad physical anxiety #it's manifesting in all sorts of new ways like now my back hurts? #but like i know the basic silly things that help w regular anxiety #like going out and seeing people #ive just been so in my head GOD #truly the fact that i havent even really complained on here. to my very public diary?? #crazy. its been weird #but im hopeful i just texted half my friends and was like lets make plans #so that will fill up my social calendar for a bit and give me things to look forward to #anyway if youre wondering why i havent replied to ur dms... hello :) im the problem its me :) #im doing. my best #bella things

[voidfell]

Gal has two Major Canon Events that traumatize her and fundamentally change her as a person. Well, technically three, but the third one is just her first encounter with Destructionite and that was more physically traumatizing and emotionally jarring than it was changing her at a fundamental level as a person.

Canon Event 1: Dudewhap's Betrayal.

Gal was a very trusting and naive person back then. She loved Evelyn and was blinded to the bad in him until it was too late. The ensuing final fight between them was extremely traumatic with both of them saying extremely deep and hurtful things to each other along with terrible physical blows.

That was the first and only time Gal had ever killed anyone, and honestly killing your clone would traumatize anyone, much less a clone you'd been lowkey in love with-- or as in love as a young teen girl is ever in love. She shut herself down to new relationships and bottled up everything. She became even more brash and standoffish and threw herself fully into being Dudepow instead of herself. It was easier to be Dudepow, simple, indestructible, easily defined Dudepow, who didn't have to deal with the complexities of his trauma if he didn't want to because no one expected it of someone so unshakably confident and powerful.

Canon Event 2: Dudewhap's Return.

Evelyn didn't stay dead, obviously. He was resurrected by Andrea Clavell, known to the Villain Community, as Mecha Maiden, a cyborg criminal and collector of magic artifacts that has been hunting down and killing Dudepow's for sport for centuries.

Dudewhap was a science experiment, a means to understand Dudepow's powers and weaknesses. But Evelyn's powers didn't come from a ring, they were his own, and he didn't have a civilian version of Gal's form, he was fully a Dudepow clone. Evelyn worked for her now, he co-opted her last name to give himself more of an identity, and has been doing her dirty work since. His very existence haunts Gal, and he loves that, he's happy to torment her, to gather data for Andrea, all in the hopes of finding a way to break the hold the Ring has over Gal, as he perceives the Dudepow Ring's Rules as being the reason Gal and him broke up, and not his own actions.

#(gal and evelyn invented toxic yuri. Eve was fully a manipulative awful yandere and Gal just didn't realize that) #(until it was staring her in the face and it broke her heart) #✧˖*°࿐ Gal Alvarez About // i am a voice yet WAITING to be heard. #✧˖*°࿐ Gal & Evelyn Clavell // ‘cause i don’t DANCE & i got no STRINGS. #✧˖*°࿐ Evelyn Clavell About // hello WORLD. i’m your WILD GIRL. #✧˖*°࿐ Evelyn & Gal Alvarez // i’d ask for your SOUL but it’s already MINE. #✧˖*°࿐ Evelyn & Andrea Clavell // keeps me on a SHORT LEASH. #✧˖*°࿐ OOC // ROAD WORK ahead? uh i sure HOPE so.