#i think it was meant to be kind of lovecraftian but this is all i really have sans the choices id coded in

[nkjemisin]

Hello! I’ve been seeing a lot about your work on social media lately and would love to read your books. What series do you recommend I start with?

Thanks ☺️

That depends on your taste/interest. I don't really write the same kind of thing from series to series, because I get bored easily and often want to try new subgenres/styles/etc. So I'll just briefly list my series and you can pick the one that appeals the most.

There's the Inheritance Trilogy, (link goes to the first book) my first published novels. A secondary world that has enslaved its own gods deals with the repercussions of that, from the POVs of three mortals. There's an overarching plot arc for all three books -- and there are some side-stories for this trilogy, too -- but each has a different narrator and takes place at different times. First person past tense, if you care about that sort of thing. (I don't, but some people seem weirdly attached to/repulsed by particular persons/tenses, so I'm including that info here.)

Then there's the Dreamblood Duology, which were actually written before the Inheritance books but I couldn't get them published at first because publishing in the 2000s was hella racist, basically. (I know, it hasn't changed much... but that little bit of change was enough for me to break in.) These books are as close to traditional fantasy as I'm probably ever going to get, except that they take place in faux ancient Egypt instead of faux medieval Europe. The story follows priests of the dream goddess as they're forced to deal with a conspiracy that threatens to inflict horrors on their society. Third person past tense for both books.

Next up is the Broken Earth trilogy. That's my experimental one, with first, second, and third-person POVs, present tense, a completely non-Earth world, and some heavy themes. All three books form a single story spanning, oh, forty thousand years or so, but mostly they're centered on one incredibly angry middle-aged mother who is on a roaring rampage of revenge/revolution. Features earthbenders, anti-magic groomers, magic statue people, and the apocalypse (again). Lots of "dark" themes and horror moments (harm to children, systemic bigotry, people-eating bugs, more).

My most recent books are the Great Cities duology. Urban fantasy set in modern-day New York, third person multiple POV ensemble cast. Turns out cities come to life once they hit a certain point, and then they claim a human avatar to represent and protect them. New York turns out to have six. It's also got some very unwanted tourists in the form of Lovecraftian entities that are trying to destroy it, along with reality as we know it. I meant for these to be lighthearted and silly and I think they kind of are, but there are still some notable political elements in them. (I mean, it's set in modern-day New York, and I started them the year Trump got elected, so...) It's lighthearted for me, anyway.

So, pick your poison!

#answered asks

[damnation-if]

I just want to say, as a certified monster fucker, I'm already in love with your story hahaaa <3 I'm glad we're getting more adult stories and the themes in this one are so intriguing, can't wait for the rest ! Alsooo, I really liked the way you describe things? I do not know how to explain it haha but I could easily visualize what was happening and the general atmosphere you're going for and I thought that was neat :^)

thank you so much for your kind words!! i truly appreciate them and i'm so glad the descriptions were to your liking! i have at least some level of aphantasia, so i'm always worried that i'm not describing things enough haha... glad that doesn't seem to be the case!

i was actually talking to my friends just yesterday about how there's relatively few Creacher-y ROs around... so for whatever reason, i guess because it's on my mind, i thought i'd take a bit of time/space here to mention all of the Monsterfucker Approved (TM) ROs that i could come up with, in case anyone else might be interested. this list isn't meant to be exhaustive (in case i miss anyone) as sadly i am yet to become all-seeing and all-knowing 😔

Creacher (Alien)

Rhaxa and Imxa from Project Hadea by my beloved @nyehilismwriting. spikey, scaley, bitey, etc. 👌i also love and appreciate the attention to detail put into worldbuilding for the different ways their species communicates and thinks and so on, showing the culture gaps between them and humans. quality buggies!

Creacher (Eldritch)

Roach from The Passenger... the mc is also an eldritch creacher in this one, which may add or subtract to the enjoyment for various different people lol

Sysba from Attollo; i also think this game in general is pretty monster friendly, with a bunch of monstrous side characters and so forth. the cool kind of neo-gothic vibes give it a feeling a bit akin to a cyberpunk Penny Dreadful... it's about as Monsterfucker as cyberpunk gets i think!

Beacon from Stygian: The Abyssal Lighthouse by my good friend @salty-stories. this one is probably the most Lovecraftian of the eldritch creachers i think, heavy Call of Cthulhu vibes. it's still in progress but i'm personally willing to wait haha

Creacher (Parahuman)

Lorelei and The Other from The Golden Harp; pirates and sirens and mermaids, oh my!

Danny and Isla from When It Hungers by the wonderful @roast-ifs ... the game is still on hiatus but it still lives rent-free in my head always... the monster mcs are So *chef's kiss*

Oisein from The Nameless; due to the sheevra mc there's a Lot of really cool exploration of the boundaries of humanity and stuff like that... we love a "nonhumans shouldn't be able to feel/do this" story... we love it a Normal amount for sure.

Creacher (Indefinable)

Trace from Greenwarden by @fiddles-ifs; an iconique creacher... the game itself also has excellent kind of Appalachian gothic/supernatural vibes and a dark undercurrent of Lurking Monster Foreboding.

Games with Applicably Creacher-esque Vibes

Virtue's End by my beloved friend dani... the ROs might be human, but the mc most certainly is not<3 dark fantasy and sumptuous Monster vibes, what more can you ask?

anything by the extremely talented @thirtybythirty (links to their games in their pinned post). everything they write has a compelling undercurrent of... eldritch existentialism. perhaps the creacher is in fact the Narrative... or maybe the humans were the creachers all along...

the fabulous OFNA: Birds of a Feather - it has the perfect combination of things Not Quite Human and Not Quite Right to create a rich and ominous atmosphere, well-worth playing even though everyone is Technically human lmfao

anyway sorry for rambling on and i'm sure there's a bunch i have missed but. i do feel like it's worth giving praise where it's due for games and writers that we appreciate! thank you again for your kind message (and for giving me a chance to talk about this a bit lol)

#what does the chaos mirror see #glucosify #long post. #passing these notes out at the monthly monsterfucker conference #sorry to put trace in their own category but. also i feel like they'd have it no other way lmfao #avoiding putting my games on here like a good boi... especially the ones i haven't written yet #there's also sort of monster-adjacent things like leftski-if's orcs and werewolves but #there sort of opens up a rabbithole once you get into. Nontypical Humanoids #like i had this problem with a lot of demon!ROs as well they're kind of. Mostly Human #like don't get me wrong i enjoyed keeper of the sun and moon for example but the cambions and nephilim are not. Particularly Inhuman #however obviously my categorisations are very arbitrary and i'm not. gatekeeping monsters XD just for the sake of this post not being longe

[carlyraejepsans]

you just mentioned in the tags ''toriel stopping sans from [cutting the humans' journey short] by killing them'' ive always wondered, do you think sans would actually have killed the human if he hadnt made the promise to toriel? i think you mentioned once that the ''youd be dead where you stand'' moment is another one of sans fumbling attempts to seem threatening but despite that, do you think he wouldve actually done it ? if hed seen them kill monsters or during a pacifist run? or do you think it wouldve played out similarly to canon in the genocide route or that he wouldve been just less involved with the human during their journey in a pacifist run?

(ok i found this in my drafts and I don't remember where i was going with this, but i kinda went off so have this as it is lol)

i keep 5 versions of sans that are Ever So Slightly Different According to How I Interpret Different Details simultaneously rotating in my brain at all times. so uhhhhh yes and no.

jokes aside, I'm starting to gravitate more towards the interpretation that like... the threat he made at the restaurant? full on jackassery. shithead extraordinaire. he WAS messing with us.

but would he have tried to kill a human if toriel hadn't made him promise otherwise?

...yeah i think so. let me elaborate

here's the thing though: i think people put way too much weight on that! i mean it's a fighting RPG, every single other character—bar toriel—fights you to either capture and have you sent to the capital or to kill you themselves. either way they want your SOUL. papyrus... is his own neutral case here with his refusal to kill you.

my point being: every monster you meet wants to fight you. it's through that fight (or what happens afterwards) that you actively challenge their point of view and befriend them.

you don't go through this with sans. he never fights you, so you never need to change his mind because that belief was challenged before we even got to the underground, through toriel's words alone. that's... kind of admirable?

but it does frame his actions in a very creepy way from our point of view in-game. not to forget his dumbass scary pranks. because we go from someone a bit mysterious though ultimately friendly and goofy whom we thought we could trust, to someone who openly tells us he could've been a threat for us... and then never delivers. at least, not in any playthrough where we hear that line of dialogue.

so much of sans' character and appearance stems from tonal dissonance. he's shamelessly comfortable in the game's tone and vibes, but still stands out as an outsider. he plainly doesn't play by the same rules as everyone else, so we don't judge him by the same standards, either.

even more, if he actually kept his promise the way toriel meant it, that would've meant playing the entire game like a tutorial. sure, you can enjoy the story, but did you enjoy playing the section in the RUINs when she's with us? it's basically handholding the entire time. it's BORING for us, and ultimately, Undertale is a game! so it should be enjoyable to its player. which brings me to our next point:

ultimately... yeah maybe he would've tried to kill us. and yes it is kinda shitty that he only kept his promise by not doing that. in a sans characteristic troll way, i mean. but acting like the "sans was happy to watch a baby get beat up and killed" jokes are, well, anything other than jokes is just a plain bad reading. forget about post pacifist. during a gameplay, frisk IS the Human IS us IS the PLAYER. which means capable of RESET and SAVE. which means essentially immortal, at the end of the day. it's the "special power" sans tells us about in his judgement. you can't treat us with the same moral lenses as an NPC. the power we hold over their world in the game is lovecraftian. we can literally destroy it entirely, an outcome that was scientifically predicted by some characters in the game...

...sans being one of them. every interaction with you, every joke and every hand extended in friendship and eye closed to your shenanigans. all of it, the good and the not-so-good. it's all colored with the knowledge that the "human" in front of him could end the world. whether you actually do that or not.

this is one of my favorite moments in the canon. one time. one second where the mask slips and we see through the cracks in the façade of laid back confidence. and what we see is a mirror, held up to our face.

and it's fucking terrifying.

"waaaa sans is bad because he lets us die" boo-FUCKING-hoo brother! cry me a river then throw ice cubes in it. mans goes through all of this on the daily and still gives us a chance, you should be thanking him.

i have a few other opinions on this topic that i feel are relevant, but I don't feel like putting them into a coherent argument so I'll just list them instead:

there are some collateral factors that i think would've prevented him from killing us outside of toriel's promise. mainly the fact that papyrus was feeling down and meeting a real human would've cheered him up. then he would've befriended us because of course he would, and of course sans wasn't going to kill his brother's new bestie.

so would he have fought us in a pacifist or papyrus-friendly netral run? maybe not! but he WOULD'VE whooped ass sooner if things got out of hand.

it's kind of a given that sans figures out you can manipulate time very early into the game. he works for/with asgore, who knows from first-hand child-murder experiences that it's an ability humans have, he's a scientist who studied the space-time continuum of their world and he's a friend of alphys', the royal scientist who studied human souls and determination (and let's not even get into his connections to gaster). he's a bright lad. he put two and two together.

while he COULD have seen taking a humans' soul as a necessary evil for monsterkind's freedom (promise to toriel aside) he openly sympathized with the anomaly. he's not there to be a time cop. he just wants to avoid the literal annihilation of the universe.

[...? yeah i never continued this. still stands tho.]

#answered asks #undertale #sans #entry log

[sam-keeper]

for an awful lot of reasons, the notion of the "Paperclip Optimizer" has a lot of purchase right now. it's the precursor to what eventually might be "grey goo" or per the Culture novels a "hegemonizing swarm", a dumb system designed to do nothing but expand its capacity to convert everything into a reflection of its initial programming, i.e., turn all the matter in the universe into paperclips.

there was even a web game about it!

this article I wrote a couple years ago is about that game. I think it's worth reposting now cause people keep talking about the paperclip optimizer as a parable about dangerous dumb systems. and that's true, that's what the game is about! the game is very much a deliberate allegory meant to explain why you should support "friendly AI" grifters!

what this article proposes is: maybe you shouldn't do that, actually, because behind every "rogue AI" is actually some capitalist somewhere making a decision to make All The Money, damn the consequences. this is an article about playing Universal Paperclips radically wrong--both radically wrong mechanically, and radically wrong emotionally. what I think falls out when you shake the game that way is a lot of unstated assumptions about shit that's acceptable for human beings to inflict on each other but somehow monstrous when a machine is doing it.

like, I get that we're all attempting to be more materialist in our analysis and that's good, but sometimes it feels like we're sliding into a kind of Lovecraftian understanding of the corporation, like it's just this incomprehensible machine working for itself. but at every stage there's people making decisions and they COULD be held accountable! and also, there's a designer of this game making decisions about where to put content emphasis, in order to put a finger on the scales of the parable. you don't HAVE to inflict mind control drones on humanity in the game any more than people HAVE to use deceptive advertising practices.

and by the same token like, it's actually perfectly reasonable for someone who isn't in STEM to look at a search engine spitting out wrong results and say hey, this search engine is bad! you can say "ah but technically machine learning is not intended to output correct results, you've made a Category Error" all you want; a human being sold this to other human beings as an intelligent search engine, and that sale was based on a whole series of lies. the technical explanation can be helpful, but it's not the point. the point is that a human attempted to harm other human beings with technology, something we've been doing roughly since the opening sequence of 2001 A Space Odyssey.

anyway there's a lot of weird maybe kinda heterodox perspectives in this article that I still haven't really seen anywhere else but that still really guide a lot of my thinking about this tech. read it if it sounds interesting I guess!

#universal paperclips #ai #the algorithm #game criticism

[vyragosa]

I dont think you're a t*rf or anything but prev anon kind of had a point with the abuse thing... Defining Higgs exclusively by Amelie sucks :/ He was never innocent but he was trying to do right as much as he could and Amelie gaslit him by saying she could offer a better way, then showed no remorse in abandoning him w/o a second glance. The Lovecraftian mind control Beach Baby theory posited by vampirepunks makes the whole thing so much more disturbing, it's kinda genius that Logan (i think that's their name?) figured that out from the book. I don't think Amelie is a bad character, I love her a lot, but yeah what she did to him wasn't okay and vpunks is right to say peeps would totally go hard rallying around Higgs as an abuse victim if the gender roles were the other way around. i hope Higgs gets to heal autonomously and separate of Amelie. Curious to get your thoughts and clear up where you stand there

ngl if you knew me you would know i spent a year literally exclusively talking about higgs as his own person to define himself outside of "mirroring" and what being "peter" meant to him and his new ideals and what he thought he needed to achieve as a person to feel like he exists, which is a philosopher who needs to explore the world to know people, and ultimately got stranded in this world where "death" was the only definitive thing from the start, how he was even raised on the fact that he would be eaten alive, so he might as well proceed to do the same to other to survive

what "surviving" meant to him as a character as well, i spent a year doing that. not putting amelie in any part of the equation that's not solving why in hell he would dye his hair blonde.

i don't blame anyone but i have quite literally been theorizing for a year straight, with kojima retweeting my art of higgs ripping off the mask off his face and painful metaphors about being linked to amelie for a year straight.

i just don't think any of you all know me just because on this moment, i got fed up of seeing that about a female character, that's all it is.

#anonymous

[chavisory]

The Outwaters as ecological horror

Okay, so! This got longer than I meant for it to.

All of these characters, they aren’t, as far as I think we can tell, bad people. The brothers clearly care about each other. There seems to maybe be some kind of estrangement situation going on between Scott and their mother? They’re not awful people!

But with the exception of Scott, who’s quieter and more opaque, I find them very irritating people. They’re kind of vapid. They’re kind of clueless. Their pre-departure conversation is superficial and fragmented and kind of meaningless.

It seems like they might not have a super deep or rich sense of the world they’re living in or things beyond their own lives.

...And then the horrors begin.

The things that make this read as an ecological horror to me are that the preponderance of the sound effects are ocean sounds--SONAR pings, orcas, etc. (And yes, I think these are almost certainly stock sound effects. But what I don’t believe is that they were randomly chosen or purely for confusion’s sake.)

And the “demonic voice” that says “Show them.”

It’s like these poor, clueless humans are being explicitly shown the experiences of creatures and worlds on which humanity has wreaked death and destruction and seemingly reasonless torment... like the ocean.

You’re being hurt for no reason, in ways you can’t even understand. Your world becomes filled with disturbing noises you can never escape from. There’s nowhere you can go. You become disoriented, unable to tell which way is even up. Creatures beyond your comprehension reach down through the darkness to kill and maim your family and friends. There are things we even cook or eat alive! Horrifying things happen again and again in some kind of recurring pattern, but that seem to be coming from outside the boundaries of your world.

The filmmakers are being given the experience of a sentient creature in the horror show that humans have made of the oceans.

Even the tooth that Robbie ultimately mutilates and disembowels himself with...it looks like a shark’s tooth.

So that’s why I think The Outwaters is, at least in one reading, an ecological horror story. I still think the Lovecraftian vibes are right; that’s definitely still a thing that’s happening. The filmmakers are encountering something beyond their sense-making ability to perceive fully.

But the key feature of Lovecraftian horror isn’t that something is actually incoherent or senseless...it’s about something that would just break a human mind to truly perceive.

The Outwaters is saying, in a sense, that if we as humans had to truly comprehend what we’ve done to the existences of certain “lower” forms of life (the way we might be considered a “lower” form to whatever the being is who’s committing the torment of the four friends), it would break us.

#the outwaters #horror #eco horror #thatonemushroom

[thedeal-if]

Not gonna lie here, but something kinda died inside of me, when i saw that Nathan is pretty much allergic to children(cause i adore them irl), but it made me wonder about two things.

Oh and i can completely understand why certain ROs are just not made to have childeren.

1: I was wondering why can't angels get children, considering that irl there are beeings like nephilim/cambions described in Myths, Tales, Books etc.. Does that mean that in this universe there are no halfbreeds(not meant in a derogatory way), between different species?

2: Following up with the ask about kids, how would the ROs react(those who actually can get children in a biological way), to accidently becoming a parent? Answer only if comfortable

I have to say that maybe I worded it wrong but Nathan isn't allergic to children, dw anon!! He has always had very important things on his plate and it has never left him any time to think about anything else. It's kinda sad but Nathan only began to truly live his life the moment he started to Fall.

When it comes to children, if his partner asked he'd be like "Oh, that's right, those exist" and just *shrug*. Nathan has never given having kids any thought but he could be convinced ^^

He is very much allergic to being responsible tho... But who knows? People evolve, they can change. They can meet good influences, bad influences. Really, who knows?

1. Okay, td lore! I'm trying not to mention much and I'm crossing my fingers not to get asked about my worldbuilding because I cave to pressure too easily and will definitely gush lol. Tbh I thought it'd be much more fun for people to realize this as they play, finding out things alongside MC and all that. But maybe some explanations are in order 🕴️

To clarify: Christian/Catholic/Judaism/etc lore is, of course, the foundation of my own, but don't expect me to follow the Bible to a t 🫂 I always meant for The Deal to be a reimagining of religion as we know it, but I've included many more layers in terms of... everything (ex. Lovecraftian lore)! I think it's pretty interesting to take the core of a topic and rewrite some of it to make it more exciting.

Needless to say, I don't mean any disrespect towards religion in any way shape or form but sticking to it blindly has always rubbed me the wrong way as a person who isn't and has never been religious.

Now, the answer to your question (sorry for the rant 😭💕) ik about Nephilim and cambions (as someone who's read superstition a billion times), and Nephilim aren't a thing here. Cambions are tho!

When it comes to Angels... Think of them as one of those automated machines in factories. They fulfill their function and are scraped or thrown away when broke beyond repair. That's kind of how the Gods see Angels.

I've promised myself to say nothing about Genies until MC at least meets Aliyah. But let's just say she can't procreate either.

2. As for the accidental parent scenario I'll leave it below the cut (dw btw I'd say it's pretty hard to make me uncomfortable lol I'll answer anything)

Dante, Lilith, Josh, Victor, and Eden can have biological children! Villanelle is technically on that list but she's very much sex repulsed and won't ever be in this situation🫂

Though Dante isn't stoked at the thought of children this kind of changes when he thinks of that kid as his. He's not that taken aback by surprises—even if they're major ones like having a child—Dante likes taking challenges with a smile. If he feels like it's his choice and his partner isn't forcing the idea of parenthood on him, Dante would accept his role with a very positive outlook ^^

Doesn't mean he'll be a good dad tho lol

Lilith feels deeply troubled by her nature and thinks that it'd be best not to create any more beings of hell. She has ingrained a very cataclysmic point of view about any potential children she might have. To Lilith, motherhood is a dream. But not like that.

She'd be such a good mom tho💕

Josh feels like he's been punched in the gut lol he can't handle unexpected turns of events. If it's something his partner is excited about Josh would try not to bring the mood down, he'd want to see it as a positive thing. Definitely would read parenthood blogs for hours during the entire pregnancy.

Victor would be so excited I think he'd forget about any complicated situations and all his problems as soon as his partner told him. It's always been one of Victor's deepest and most profound dreams, and to have his partner fulfill it— he would never dare to even consider it an accident. Much like Josh he'd be the World's most prepared Upcoming Dad™ lol

Eden doesn't typically panic but he would lose his mind lol. I said he kind of leaned towards preferring not to have children but for the entire situation to be forced on him like that would be overwhelming. If the situations are right, if Eden feels like he has the specific kind of support he would need to parent a child... He might change his mind and not be so negative about it ^^

#the deal if #the deal #inferno #nathan #ask #ros #dante #lilith #josh #villanelle #victor #aliyah #eden

[old-stoneface]

the thing that really annoys me abt a lot of horror is that the message that a lot of people took from those influential lovecraftian stories and was passed down thru many tales and horror novels and all was the wrong message . everyone thinks of those gods and monsters and says ah yes, the thing that makes it so horrible is the tentacles! or the many eyes! or the cosmic horror of something "wrong" and not meant for this world! the last one is pretty apt, actually, but only when its done correctly. i find lovecraftian horror a bit dull because all of the interpretations ive run into over the years are all about tentacles and eyes and big fleshy masses. i think keeping it indescribable and incomprehensible is more than enough IF it is done RIGHT. i get so annoyed when the description is like "regular animal...but with more eyes!!!! regular animal - but oh no - its mouth opens impossibly wide!!!!!" okay. okay. can we back up a little bit. that shit is not Scary. im not Scared. im a little annoyed actually because the only descriptions given are like "it looked... [DRAMATIC PAUSE]... wrong." that is such a cheap fucking description with a boring word. i will say that one podcast (tma, unfortunately) has done it correctly with the episode about being stuck as the only person on a space station, and how something vast and unknowable began to block out the stars, and that was truly frightening! like! something that big has no comprehension of a human mind. you are an ant compared to it, and it would wipe you out without a second thought. what kind of mind can something like that have? how big must it be? that is really thought provoking and intimidating and interesting, truly. the way gods are discussed and described in kraken by china mieville (one of my favorite urban fantasy novels of all time) is also a SUPER good description of this horror too. i wouldnt even call that horror tho its just an in-depth examination of how an old and unknowable creature would feel about humans. really really good

#sam.txt #this is something ive been thinking abt for a good long while but especially now #that im relistening to a horror podcast that CAN be scary but keeps making blunders like the ones ive described #no i dont have a point to this other than wanting to bitch about it lmao #its been on my mind more since cal and i were hanging out the other day #and he mentioned that he doesnt like cosmic horror games bc theyre not done correctly #and these are my thoughts on the matter

[vaguely-concerned]

so you are in all seriousness telling me goemon didn’t realize this was a woman before he saw her naked fhsjdkfhajfhas

*tearful whisper* goemon... goemon you are so fucking stupid I am obsessed.

also the further implications of this are driving me nuts. is this to say goemon meant to render a man naked, then. for what purpose, goemon? to gaze upon the tits of another man??

also astounded that goemon has known fujiko for years and still reacts to seeing boobs like they’re some kind of sexy lovecraftian horror.

I’m just going to assume he was blinded by all of his fabulous hair for most of this scene and I think that’s the most charitable spin you could put on it lmao

same actually. when women... when WOMEN.... women...

#goemon ishikawa xiii #lupin iii #lupin iii part 3 #he's so DUMB I love him

[xenosaurus]

NO OKAY BUT THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THIS CHANCE BECAUSE I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS ALWAYS (and this ask will immediately identify me to anyone who knows me bc im literally the only person in the world who cares) but please never read N.K. Jemisin's "The City We Became." She's won three hugos in a row and thats very impressive, nothing but love and respect to my sister who has Made It and Paved the Way for more of us to go forward. I haven't actually read her hugo winners and i'd like to, but unfortunately i started with The City We Became and now i hold a Grudge.

Why:

on the surface this book is a Cool Woke Twist on lovecraftian horror set in new york city. the basic premise is fun: the avatars of the boroughs of new york forming together to help their city become a fully fledged cosmic entity of a sort. the villain here is the literal spirit of gentrification, and while theres a lot of good things that could come from that set up, the actual execution makes it an absolute agony to get through. everything is so hamfisted and somehow smug about recognizing the most basic ideas. its too smug and condescending to appeal to anyone in the center, its ideas too juvenile to appeal to anyone in the left, and its weird flat characterization of the villains as The Most Cartoonishly Evil Cops/N*zis You Can Think Of kind of makes the conflict feel... empty. It's hard to explain without experiencing it, but i cannot recommend anyone actually read it. or maybe u should just so i can finally talk to other people about this, maybe im insane for feeling this way.

some favorite moments of mine, in no particular order:

-the multiple instances of a side character being introduced, having their race and tragic backstory exposited in one sentence, and then they vanish, never to appear in the narrative again

-white supremacists attack the indie art museum on twitter. thankfully they start a counter hashtag and the entire situation wraps up in under 24 hours. they go from "we have to fire all of you bc of pressure from these assholes" to "actually its fine" bc of twitter. i dont even think its supposed to be part of the magic of the city or whatever. its an incredible sequence.

-"he shot out of the pool like a child fired from a hot buttered child cannon"

-theres a bit where the author sets up a neat fight between a character who does a cool transformation and a REALLY neat monster. u will not see that fight play out. that scene isnt in the book. just the leadup and the aftermath. why even bother.

-one of the main characters has a tumblr but its obvious the author hasnt like... used tumblr. this isnt a major sin but it is funny

-really have to state again that theres a line in this book that reads "hot buttered child cannon." this also isnt a sin, this is maybe poetry.

-its labeled as adult fiction, it feels like its trying to go for grit and gore and sex in places, but its also weirdly shy about engaging directly with a lot of that stuff. this one might (MIGHT) actually be a style thing, admittedly most of my nitpicks surround one specific character who has a reason to be Like That, but i also have issues with her as a whole that i do not have space 2 get into here. regardless, a lot of this book feels like ya somehow, but the concepts its playing with and some of the scenes DO also make it feel too adult to really suit that either. its... weird.

its kind of a mess in a lot of places, and honest to god it sort of drags in the middle. if you DO pick it up, i recommend the audiobook. the narrator does a fantastic job, and they do some fun sound design in a few places. unfortunately the story itself is kind of hollow. it has a lot of diversity, but the way so many of those diverse characters are tossed out for brownie points and discarded, the way so many characters go into these preachy little rants about VERY basic ideas like "white supremacy bad" its just...

im sure that the author meant well. this book wouldve raised the bar for its representation in like... 2014. maybe thats when she started writing it, idk. unfortunately it came out in 2020 and i think it just feels Dated in a very strange way.

u dont have 2 publish any of this also ofc, im just always here to Unrecommend this book. unfortunately theres a sequel and some part of me is holding out hope that the author fixed some of the things i took issue with in the intervening years, so im bound to this series via curse. even if i hate this one, i know theres gonna be at least one more, and maybe *that* one will fix it-

do not be like me.

This ask was a ride from start to finish. I feel like I was shot out of a hot buttered child cannon.

[alephskoteinos]

It kind of fucks with me that all this time I didn't think of Kazuma Kaneko's Satan as having six arms. I mean look:

To me, for the longest time, those were legs extending down from the bottom pair of breasts, not another pair of arms. But apparently, Kazuma Kaneko said in an interview that he designed Satan around the number 666, which to him meant six wings, six breasts, and six arms.

Then again I suppose in some games it's slightly more obvious?

The form of Satan as a serpent does lend itself nicely to the idea that those are all arms and instead of legs it has a serpent's lower body. But thinking about it, I think it actually adds to the brilliance of Kaneko's design. In the SMT games, Satan is often one of the angels, in the Daitenshi or Shinrei clans, based specifically on the Judaic conception of Satan as an angel, or a name for the adversarial servant of God. But in this sense, Satan's design is like a kind of demonic eldritch seraph, the seraphim typically being known for having six wings and being often only vaguely humanoid.

Kaneko's Satan almost seems to be the demonic, diabolical, even almost Lovecraftian apotheosis of the seraph.

#shin megami tensei #shin megami tensei ii #satan #demons #angels #kazuma kaneko #seraphim

[nokingsonlyfooles]

WTYP: The Shandor Building, Part 6

[Do you like the colour of the fanfic? This is long and if you expand it you're gonna get the whole thing, because Tumblr hates you. Don't say I didn't warn you!]

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Part 6: Disaster Roulette: Crack Open a Cold One

[Beware of strong language, mention of all kinds of death, gore, and Lovecraftian horror.]

[SLIDE: Utter darkness, with an All Hail Gozer logo in the corner.]

[screaming, pandemonium]

A: I’m sorry! Oh, God, I’m sorry! I have anxiety!

D: No! I know you do! It’s my fault!

L: Are we dead?

D: I shouldn’t have said “engineering disaster,” it’s my fault…

R: Alice, where are we?

A: Oh, God, I’m sorry, it’s the Kursk! [weeping] We’re going to be trapped here for over six hours and then we’ll be comrade-kebabs!

L: I’m an anarchist.

A: For fuck’s sake, Liam, would it kill you to let me die with a little fucking solidarity? [plays “The East is Red”]

R: Alice, you have your laptop?

L: Do we still have our laptops?

D: Feels like a laptop…

A: IT’S A POTASSIUM-BASED AIR FILTER DON’T BLOODY TOUCH IT!

[clattering, thud]

[more screams]

L: Jesus…

R: Pretty sure that’s a laptop.

D: Turn up the brightness!

R: That’s bad for the battery life…

D: Just turn up the fucking brightness!

[SLIDE: The Kursk.]

L: How the fuck do we still have laptops and sound equipment?

A [giggling]: Oh, my God, we chose the form of an engineering disasters podcast. Of course we have our laptops and sound equipment! I’m going to tweet that we’re trapped in a well-known Russian submarine disaster and we need help!

D [gravely]: Alice, Alice… No, Alice. It’s… It’s…

R: It’s “X” now.

D: Twitter can’t help us now. Twitter is gone.

A [desperate]: What about Tumblr?

D [pained]: I suppose you might as well try.

D [text over slide]: I EDITED A BIT HERE.

A [sobbing]: It’s no good. I got cancelled for assuming the submarine’s pronouns and now they’re just doing discourse.

D [gently]: It’s all right, darling. Just mute the alerts now. Oh, and Tumblr Live, too, obviously. Thank you for trying.

R: I’ve got that Mastodon thing…

D: Oh, fuck off!

A: Nobody’s on fucking Mastodon.

L: If man were meant to toot, God would’ve given us trunks! It’s a stupid platform and a stupid animal! It’s just an elephant with shag carpeting and no charisma. I’m glad they’re extinct. The extinction of mastodons is the one good thing global warming ever did for us! I hope science brings ‘em back from the grave so I can personally participate in wiping those useless motherfuckers off the map again. I ordered a mastodon hoagie at Wawa the other day and it was rubbery and tasteless — because it had been at the back of the freezer for ten-thousand years. That’s how unpopular mastodon is! It’s not even any good with extra mayo! Nobody loves you, mastodons! Nobody thinks you’re cool! I respect you almost as little as I respect fish!

[groaning, shuddering, splashing]

A: Oh, fuck, does Gozer like mastodons? Liam…

R: “Mastodon” is from the Latin for “breast-like tooth.”

L: If Gozer likes mastodons, I’m gonna drive to xyr house — or temple, or whatever — and beat xem to death with my shoes. I am done with mastodons, I am done with this whole fucking experience! I am reviewing your studio on Yelp right now and you are getting no stars! None!

[creaking, snapping sounds, more splashing]

A: Fuck, Liam, you’re pissing xem off!

G: STO-O-OP!

[rumbling and crunching noises continue throughout]

D: No, wait… It’s a rant. [laughing] We chose the form of an engineering disasters podcast! Liam, keep going!

L: ICE AGE IS A TERRIBLE SERIES OF FILMS! MASTODONS RUINED IT!

A: Isn’t it supposed to be a woolly mammoth?

L: IT’S THE SAME THING!

R: Taxonomically, no, it’s not. Although they are related…

L: PROXIMITY TO MASTODONS RUINED ICE AGE, AS A FILM SERIES AND AS A GEOLOGICAL EPOCH! AND EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND!

A [laughing]: What? Are we running out of oxygen?

R: Yes. Also, Everybody Loves Raymond is a CBS sitcom, which aired from the mid-nineties to the mid-2000s. It was very popular in the US, but it proved difficult to export, so it’s not surprising you haven’t heard of it. It starred actor and comedian Ray Romano, who also voiced Manny the Mammoth…

L: THAT’S A STUPID FUCKING NAME!

A: Shouldn’t it be, er… Manny the Manmoth? That makes more sense. Although it does sound like he fights Mothman…

R: …in the Ice Age film series. Exporting Raymond was, in fact, a documentary on how difficult it was to translate the American Boomer experience to a foreign market…

D [amazed]: By God, we’re doing it! We’re podcasting!

R: Thank God for Wikipedia…

A: We’re still going to die, though, aren’t we, Dev?

D: Eventually, Alice, but maybe not in the Kursk!

A [anxious, but used to it]: Probably of prion diseases.

G: VERY WELL. SINCE WE ARE AT AN IMPASSE, YOU MAY CHOOSE ANOTHER FORM TO CONTINUE OUR FIGHT.

L [hopefully]: A lamassu?

R [low voice]: Unfortunately, we are not actually gods.

L: Damn.

D: No! I think we can do this! [to Gozer] We’re going to stick with the engineering disasters podcast!

G: YOU’RE NOT VERY IMAGINATIVE, ARE YOU?

D: No, we are, we’re just really jazzed about this form!

L: It’s comfy!

G: ALL RIGHT. SUIT YOURSELVES. I TIRE OF THE LEAKY METAL TUBE, AND I DO NOT HAVE THE PATIENCE TO SIT THROUGH SIX HOURS OF PODCASTING BEFORE I SET YOU ON FIRE! CHOOSE ANOTHER ENGINEERING DISASTER!

D: All right, now, let’s think about this…

A: Just something outdoorsy, please! I want to see the sun again!

Part 7

#wtyp #well there's your problem #ghostbusters #long reads #fanfic #fanfiction #crossover fic #gozer the gozerian #alice caldwell-kelly #liam anderson #justin roczniak #devon #engineering disasters #podcast

[agumonger]

I'm rereading Shiha's meta on the Dark Ocean, and I just came up with a new headcanon: the Deep Ones have known about Hikari since the Dark Masters arc.

During the lead-up to Piemon, the protagonists encounter phenomena that seem to produce similar results to the Dark Ocean's effect, what with the environment changing according to emotions, the dark waters metaphor...

And since Dagomon's episode was originally meant for Adventure (this is the info from the meta I'm talking about), I really feel like it's just perfect for Piemon's wasteland, when the Digital World's structure is weakest and most ravaged by dark distortion and stuff. We know this kind of force causes worlds to overlap with each other, so I feel like it's the perfect moment to, oh I don't know, have someone slip away into another world. Or something.

Although I feel like Sora could've fulfilled a similar role, I feel like it still would involve Hikari, since Kakudou really wants you to understand how special she is, especially in the novel.

This is not a bad thing in and of itself btw. Hikari really is a person who appreciates peace and life, "a pure soul", if you will, but still not so innocent and pure that it turns her into a Mary Sue, quite the contrary, in fact 02 delves deeper into her own shortcomings and she comes across more as a real person complete with her imperfections, even though it's also true that it's shown in Adventure to some extent.

But I digress. What if the Dark Ocean was able to "see" her at that time, and become aware of her Light power thing? Maybe at that time they didn't really need her, since Kaiser wasn't wreaking havoc in their world with the Evil Rings and stuff, but they took notice, and that's why, when the distortion between worlds started getting worse against during Kaiser's tyranny, they contacted her as soon as possible.

Obviously I don't think the writers had this idea in mind, but it would explain why the Deep Ones went out of their way specifically to find Hikari. If you don't need any further explanation beyond "uhh i guess they just sensed she was special idk" that's fine! And I mean, that's enough, after all episode 13 was all about the mystery and perhaps cosmic horror, and it all feels more Lovecraftian if you don't explain everything. I just think it's neat how you can kinda put these facts together neatly and it kind of makes sense. I might use this.

#digimon 02 #brainrot mode #rotating 02 in my brain

[my-forgotten-notepad]

Zongar The Miracleman & Abaraxx

Zongar the Miracleman & Abaraxx are two public domain characters that could be called a questionable hero duo; as Abaraxx is a genie capable of radical displays of power (destroying walls, highlighting the paths criminals took and turning grown men into tiny animals) and Zongar seemed to be the investigative brains of the operation. However, Zongar only releases Abaraxx when he needs him to perform a task; otherwise Abaraxx is contained within Zongar's golden amulet. It's also lightly inferred that Zongar may be a little bit of a coward except under extreme circumstances; such as when his lover Ruth West was being attacked.

This is an interesting dyanmic as there are I think a few ways Zongar and Abaraxx can be remodelled into the modern world. One way would be very much be to model Zongar as a Swipe/Clone of Doctor Strange. One, mostly due to the name and to the fact that Zongar works/is the master of a genie and has access to mighty magical powers. So it would make sense for Zongar to be fighting kaiju, monsters, magicians and magical humanoid races in his day to day life. It's agonisingly deritive and by far the least imaginative way of remodelling Zongar and Abaraxx into any form of modern text.

Another way would be some kind of dark fantasy/horror series, Zongar might have inherited the amulet or even uncovered it at some kind of dig-site or some other historical site. Now, because Abaraxx has awoken from his slumber; cults, sorcerers and other creatures are out on the prowl for Zongar and the wish-granting powers of Abaraxx. This story pulls away from the more atypical superhero faire and more into modern action-adventure/fantasy with a dark twist. With zombies, witches, magicians, werewolves and demons after Zongar; all with the hope of killing him and claiming the wish-granting spectre for themselves.

You could also delve into an equally dark science fantasy setting; where magic isn't something that just exists but is utilised by and large by most people and that Zongar is a professor at Arkham University teaching and performing research on magic. It could be designed to use an epistolary form of narrative, like if the audience were reading Zongar's research and case study notes. As he uses artefacts and tools to help humanity slowly digest and comprehend the unknown while also forcing great and terrible things away from his reality. Even going so far as to cross dimensions and cooperate with other beings from other realities. It would allow for some incredible story arcs as well as a utilisation of certain science fiction and dark urban, fantasy and horror tropes when worldbuilding or creating characters. This world would allow for winks and nods to slasher characters, lovecraftian figures/protagonists or even works relating to trans-dimensional narratives (WH40K, Stargate, Star Trek, In the Mouth of Madness etc).

You could even have Zongar and Abaraxx actually have a back and forth or dialogue; rather than Zongar using Abaraxx as an arcane swiss army knife to magic all of his problems away. It could be bittersweet as Abaraxx admits that he only is as compliant and helpful because of the nature of the amulet and if he weren't bound to it he'd abandon Zongar. That like all genie's he loathes being in captivity but also knows that the only one so far he's ever met that has never been corrupted by his wish-granting has been Zongar. It could allow for some very complicated emotional scenes or dialogue between these two main characters has they come to terms with their relationship and dynamic. This works for all three pitch ideas in this post; how would a knock-off Doctor Strange deal with a major source of his abilities loathing and wishing for freedom; even if that freedom meant Zongar's death? Or what would Zongar do in a situation where more knowledgeable and more dangerous figures wanted Abaraxx's power? and would freeing Abaraxx do infinitely more harm than good? Or would Zongar knowingly have to deny Abaraxx his most basic request because Abaraxx's obedience and power allows Zongar to maintain balance and progress without risking hundreds of lives every day?

these are some pretty intense thoughts that would eventually crop up as a result of giving Abaraxx more of a mind or even just giving him more agency within the world he inhabits.

#public domain superhero #public domain #superhero #magician #wizard #sorcerer #zombie #vampire #werewolf #demon #warhammer 40000 #wh 40k #stargate #star trek #in the mouth of madness #doctor strange #comic #cartoon #tv show #movie #marvel #marvel comics #marvel cinematic universe #horror #dark fantasy #urban fantasy #horror fantasy #middle fantasy #high fantasy #monsters

[grokebaby]

Vision vs finished product

Hell's high judgements

(this is just me rambling about my initial ideas and process for their character designs)

Tw for a(n image of a) sort of veiny eyeball creature (okhula from fran bow)

Delilah - I think pretty early on, like almost from the start I decided to have her be Deirdre's sister so i already had some footing and reference to go off of for her design. Tho it's possible that at some point in the hazy beginning I hadn't thought of that yet but nonetheless my image of her was some kind of large horned demon. I may have pictured the character as more masculine, or at least not a woman initially but I think that changed really quickly bc like I said she became Deirdre's sister pretty much upon conception. Her initial idea wasn't very different from what we ended up with, my first vision was just a vague, tall, intimidating looking demon who had like their head mysteriously in the shadow and the only way you could tell where the face is was thanks to her glowing horns. Her first vision was more of an aesthetic and a vibe bc being one of twins, she was very easy to design from then on. I also pretty much immediately knew I wanted her to be heavily scarred, particularly on the face, but it took me a bit to figure out how, specifically. I think at first I thought of her missing even more eyes than she is now. Her designing had a clumsy first few steps but it wasn't difficult to settle on. What ended up being difficult was redrawing her at all lmao, I still feel like i do her disservice every other time I draw her ;-; Idk why she's so hard for me to make look decent bc she's not intended to look off-putting or anything like some of my designs intentionally are. Aside from struggling to learn to draw her, it was pretty straightforward. I would say I'm pleased w the final product if I was confident in how I draw her but as of rn I feel like the problem is more me than the design lol :')

Hart - My idea was an indistinguishable mass of eldritchean tentacles, sprinkle in some eyes and whatever extra freaky stuff and yeah. The final product ended up having alot more distinguishing features bc originally I had them be like, an actual black blob. Void with eyes. Like those black cats you only see when they open their eyes. My idea did develop a little from there and I thought of adding onto the "What is this" factor by having them sort of resemble having a legit body structure but twisted and twirled into such knots that it'd be impossible to tell where everything was actually meant to be. Like just, the most tangled uncanny mess. It had this kind of theme, an idea of being folded into itself and having multiple parts that could open and be straightened out and it'd be like this interesting thing w Hart looking a bit different when they're actually completely unfolded. Sort of like how hedgehogs are just spike balls when in defense mode, but w a Lovecraftian horror who is maddeningly dizzying to interpret. Just a weird, uncanny, what am I looking at creature, of resembling body parts that actually aren't those body parts but just placed and knotted to look like them. I'm not sure if I achieved that vibe, tbh the final product looks more like just a generic Tentacle monster with a flavor of Toothless from how to train your dragon but hey. It looks charming and expressive and I'm fine w that :]

Xerxes - He's probably the most visually different from the first idea. I actually actively challenged myself w him, particularly to diverge from the very first idea somehow and do something a little different. Only thing that stayed constant, and the thing I knew I wanted for him from the start, was One Eye. And look at that, he still only has one eye. Technically. My very first visual was this sort of weird.. This. I wasn't sure how else to describe it

Like, that, but just very muscular lol. This sort of. Muscle eyeball demon. Kinda grotesque looking now that I think about it but it felt fitting for a hell demon or Wrath. Just a massive eye. My idea evolved slightly into like an orc or a cyclops after that but this is where I diverged to challenge myself and I thought maybe it could be some beastly looking animal, closer to a minotaur or some animal warrior you'd find in an mmorpg, stuff like that. Initially I had Xerxes be quadrupedal tho, like a feral animal, but still be sentient and demonic somehow. I wanted him to look really fierce and I designed armor and really heavy chains around his neck. I did really like the chains aesthetic but I decided instantly that I WILL NOT be drawing chains that often no sir! When I made him more centaur in body structure I still kept him like, a cyclops for a little while until I decided he could just have battle scars and just lost the other eye. I actually had him resemble a boar at first, I'm not sure when he shifted to being a bull. I could be remembering this part wrong too but I just remember trying to practice drawing a very fierce looking (herbivore) animal. I specifically wanted him to not be a predator animal ykno. I felt like a lion or something would've been too generic or predictable and I wanted some practice, and hey, I've since become pretty attached to bulls specifically. Apparently. Which is neat I think, not sure why I'm so fond of them but I sure am now. Thanks Xerxes. From then on he's mostly evolved to just look more, uh, Idk, better represented as the animal he is? I just know I was poor at drawing bovines and similar animals way back then but have since gotten notably better so I think Xerxes looks amazing these days. I didn't struggle learning to draw him nearly as much as Delilah, he was actually fairly easy bc I proceeded to draw him a fair amount once I really learned him. But like I said I've gotten practice and improved in things like drawing buff people since then so, the final product is great, even though I draw his armor way, way less lol. I'm not that great w armor and besides, I don't draw him in battle all that often..

#my thoughts #my ocs #Character notes #Character design #Delilah #Xerxes #Hart #Design process #Demon oc #I've thought of doing rambles like these for a while now #I may do more on other characters

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

Men is a Really Interesting Bad Movie

So, I kind of knew that Men wasn’t going to be very good going in- that’s why I watched it. I felt like rubbernecking at a cinematic car-crash so I could entertain you lovely people with the results. The ways in which Men fails, however, surprised me. I assumed from the title and adverts that my main problem with Men would be the heavy-handed message-mongering and idiotic Boys Vs Girls mentality that real fucking adults are supposed to leave behind shortly after having their first orgasm and realising that the other sex can be immensely fun, especially if you ply them with vodka and quaaludes and are willing to let them loose on your naughty bits with the contents of a medium-sized sex-shop. And don’t get me wrong, the heavy-handed message-mongering and idiotic Boys Vs Girls horseshit is present and correct (as it has been in roughly every film made since 2016, the year culture died). However, Men fucks up in ways that have absolutely nothing to do with its infantile misinterpretation of feminism. To be clear, though, that is the first and most obvious problem with the film. I mean, it’s called Men in the same way that bad creature features are so often named after their main monsters (who here remembers The Bye Bye Man? Go on, put your hands up. Now put them back down again and punish yourself for lying with a nail file, because nobody remembers that movie). The point is that if you’re not pathologically terrified of all penis-owners, the basic concept is probably going to be a bit wasted on you, in much the same way that the remake of The Wicker Man, starring Nicholas Cage of all people, was probably wasted on you if you feared neither vaginas nor bees. However, this isn’t the most interesting thing to complain about with Men, so let’s move on.

First of all, there’s the pacing, which has something in common with Delaney’s Donkey after said donkey has been ill-advisedly entered into a race (seriously, Google ‘Delaney’s Donkey’- it’s an old and very silly folk song from the Auld Country and you’ll thank me for introducing you to it). Anyhoo, like DD, Men barely moves at all for a long time, then spasms forward in fits and starts and finally makes a fucking demented dash for the finish line. The first half of the film… how can I put this politely? It reduced my risk of breast cancer by roughly 100% by boring my fucking tits off. Actually, that’s not fair. It’s unintentionally funny in places, which means I have at least one twelfth of my total man-boob stock left in tact. There’s a bit where a creepy naked guy is wondering around in the main character’s garden, and he’s clearly meant to be unsettling, but Miss I’ve-Already-Forgotten-Her-Name is so oblivious to him for so long that it actually turns into something of a farce, like a scene out of Abbot and Costello Meet the Monsters. There’s a moment where the guy playing Creepy McNaked Dude accidentally catches the lens of the camera like he’s looking into the audience’s eyes and you can see ‘can you believe this dozy berk’ written into his very gaze, and I think I might have laughed out loud. Then the second half of the film hits and everything goes mental all at once with basically no build-up whatsoever. One minute Miss Stock Character 2022 is walking around a slightly weird rural-English village having slightly off-putting encounters with men so cartoonishly sexist that they might as well be villains from an especially woke episode of Scooby Doo. The next minute, there’s a Lovecraftian Cosmic Horror wearing their faces and teleporting around her rented house just to fuck with her.

Oh yes, Men gets about two thirds through its run-time and suddenly decides it wants to be a cosmic horror film. Actually, if it had just done that from the beginning and kept doing it to the end, it might have been a pretty decent love-letter to Lovecraft. They way it visualises the unknowable and terrifying eternal other has echoes of a really good John Carpenter film. There’s a bit where the monster’s arm gets cut vertically in two and you realise that it’s only wearing a human-shaped suit because it just keeps using and gesticulating with both halves as though it’s got nothing worse than a stubbed toe. Then there’s the bit where it keeps birthing its borrowed shapes out of one another and its gross and disgusting and unsettling because it visualises the fact that these are all the same entity, just using different aspects, in a very unique and interesting way. Even the creepy cultist who both summons and is the creature is well-done: there’s a scene where he slits open his forehead and sticks a leaf in there, evoking the dark, generative force of the Green Man that’s genuinely awesome.

Unfortunately, these elements are introduced more or less out of fucking nowhere and they don’t go anywhere interesting. This isn’t secretly a movie about Azathoth showing up on Earth and tormenting a despairing human woman for shits and giggles (oh, yeah, shit: I forgot to mention that Stocky O’Character is wrestling with complicated feelings about the death-by-suicide of her abusive ex-husband, because of course she fucking is- just slap a tragic backstory on her, why don’t you, film-makers? I’m sure that’ll cover the gaping void where a fully-developed personality should be). Where was I? Oh yes: as it turns out (spoiler alert!), it’s not an unknowable cosmic horror at all, it’s just a representation of the interchangeability of controlling, emotionally abusive men (which, in this film’s unbelievably simplistic universe is literally all of them) and how, for Stockita Characterford, they’re all just manifestations and reminders of her dickbag ex. Which is a shame because the visuals are so cool I actually wish they’d been in a good movie with something interesting to say. It’s not even clear if Stockpot Caricature is just hallucinating or if she actually encountered a supernatural entity. Even if it is, it’s not actually a Great Old One, so who fucking cares?

So yeah. It’s another one of those films. You know the ones I mean- the ones that give themselves a great, hearty pat on the back for being brave and pointing out that sexism is bad, m’kay even though nobody really disagreed with that to begin with. Well, except those insane far-right American legislators who recently banned abortions in like, way too many states… and I don’t think they usually go to see artsy-fartsy British horror films.

Men is a misfire of epic proportions. A grumbling, portentous, fatuous, flatulent snore-fest that comes alive for just long enough to make you think that it’s going somewhere interesting, then stops and shits itself inside out just before reaching the finish line. I recommend watching it back to back with the Nicholas Cage Wicker Man so you can truly appreciate just how spectacularly fucked we are as a species.

#Men #film #secret diary of a fat admirer #movie review #Men film