#im so tired of living guys. why

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

.

#tw suicide #no seriously heed the tw this is probably upsetting i just. i need to say it somewhere and i will not say it to my family. #puddleglum hours #personal #its just i was thinking. #tother day the doctor asked: do you regret it? about the suicide attempt tuesday night. #and i said something that i still feel: if i regret anything about it it's that i didn't succeed. #they're talking of discharging me tomorrow or something and im just. #what do i need to do to be kept in for longer?! damn it all i *know* how i could kill myself in here. #but i don't want to. i need them to save me #because i can't save myself! if they discharge me tomorrow i think it very likely ill be dead before the end of the week! or at least in #hospital from another attempt! this new med has made me more numb but the thoughts haven't gone away just muted. and then. #at times like this im perfectly wild about it! i cannot keep myself alive i need them to do it for me! #but when ive seen the doctor each time its been when im exhausted and numb and i don't care but that is not the case always. #i don't know. i don't see a good outcome any which way. #hopefully tomorrow the doctor sees me at a time when im feeling like this i think. #because i think i need to tell them. but i don't know how or even if it matters #and sometimes i just want to die. #im so tired of living guys. why #editing to add i am still on hiatus and if you want to contact me and know my discord contact me there #so i will not be responding to anything here for this moment at least

[happyk44]

Just. Thinking about Percy who wants to die and would willingly kill himself if he ever got to that point versus Jason who wants to kill himself but can't because suicide is dishonourable so instead he'll just go through dozens battle after battle and hope he gets an injury that will cure all his problems versus Hazel and Nico who don't want to die because there is so much to live for but would be content to sacrifice their lives if they had no other choice because they do not fear death

Like I'm just. Rotating that in my head on repeat right now and feeling THINGS about it. I mean Percy is always on the lookout, waiting and fearing for the overflow that'll make him turn Riptide on himself, because it's not an "if, it's a "when", he knows it in his gut it's just a matter of time, and Jason is always prickling with an unending internal distress he doesn't understand because what even are emotions and campers cheer him on as he seeks out worser and worser monsters, no one ever knowing he's holding back screams when the battle ends and he's still alive, no life-threatening incurable injuries to land him in the underworld forever and then there's Hazel and Nico, who both have suffered so much, dealt with so much heartache and pain, as though the Fates themselves had been told that children of Hades, children of Pluto, are not supposed to live and be happy, but nonetheless they carry on, air in their lungs, heart pumping, knowing that the world has so much to offer and there is always something to do, even if that's extending your help, your life, to others.

#hazel levesque #nico di angelo #do you ever think about how hazel sacrificed herself and died horrifically after years of trauma but said yeah why not when offered rebirth #percy jackson #jason grace #happy talks pjo #suicide tw #im sure you guys are tired of me babbling about suicidal percy and jason and willing to live hazel and nico #but i am simply vibrating with feelings and vibes and mininal concrete thoughts so this what we getting

[bbq-potato-chip]

I hate this stupid copyright ad-filled internet. 5 years ago i could look up an anime episode on youtube and watch it (although it might be dub and grainy quality). now when i look up anime on youtube its all youtubers "live reactions" with the actual anime footage censored so they wont come under copyright. The one account that had all of the botw soundtracks on it was taken down and the only way i can listen to them is via CD. i hate it here

#its so stupid too why would i want to watch some guy watch anime when . i want to like. watch the anime myself #why when i look up anime wanting to watch it is it all LiVe ReAcTiOns like who is even watching this???what is even the point???? #i can make funny coments when im wathcing TV...i dont need to watch another guy do that i think i've got that covered thanks #i wanted to post screen shots of a gintama ep i watched bc i wanted to you know. talk about it because i want to but like. whatever #really ticked off though. so tired of this damn society cant a guy watch anime for free without getting a virus on the computer. #like its one thing to talk about anime and stuff thats what im doing but why is that the first thing that comes up when i look up an episod #why is that the ONLY thing thats there. like i know why (copyright) but stilllllll

[sciderman]

Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?

actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.

my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.

#sci speaks #i'm trying to understand the gays. they are a mystery to me. #i've seen a lot more toxic masculinity coming from gay men than i have from straight men. #i think it makes sense. they have less women in their lives. so they reckon with a lot more masculinity. more dick measuring. #also gay men have some of THE most unhealthy romantic relationships i've ever seen in my life. #this isn't a blanket statement on everyone but just from what i've seen. it's such a strange pattern i've observed. #lesbians? healthy. straights? usually healthy. gay men? universally a tire fire that makes me say “if you hate each other so much ??” #“why are you together??????????” #i have never met a cis gay mlm couple in real life that was healthy. every single one of them made my eyes widen in horror. #i want them to be healthy. please treat each other better. #the number of bitchy bitchy fights i've seen between mlm couples in public that make me so terrified #but i know mlm relationships in general are usually less... affectionate than wlw relationships. even and especially friendships. #just an observation. #i hate to say that there is a definite difference between amab vs afab experiences when it comes to relationship dynamics but. #of course there is. there is. as much as i want to say gender and sex do not matter. it really does. #it makes a difference. it does. #which is kind of why i'm glad i was born in the body i was. when people say “trans means you feel you were born in the wrong body” #im like.. i don't think that's true. i don't think that's true for me. #i wouldn't be me if i wasn't born the way i was. and i want to be me. but i'm a boy. i'm a boy but in the body that i have. #my body is still a boy's body. because i live in here. #sorry this went off on a tangent. #but yeah i know my brain would be different if i was amab. and i don't want all those other issues. #i think the only reason i'm so peaceful and serene is because i'm afab. and afabulous. #i see cis guys and im like.. yeah i don't want what you got. #once again! lucky to be me! i'm lucky. im lucky i have a vargooba. thank fuck for that! #couldve been so much worse off. could've been born with a dick and would be fighting for my life right now.

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

[itissadbutitsmy-artblog]

all the lyrics are good and stupid emo hehe

But it's the pain (pain) that I will leave behind, The guilty, they will suffer, but the rest of us can die The pain (pain) that I will give to you, The guilty, they would shiver if they knew what I could do :)

textless version under the cut ;)

#me ohhhh im so normal about wizard city (FDRAWS F U C K I N G THIS???) #its lyrics from shoreline by nomy #shouldnt have given me a little man who died with little boots on. it did something to my brain #adventure time #digital #distant lands #spader #peppermint #peppermint butler #spader. close your mouth youre going to inhale a bug. good lord. #It's hard to live when you are getting older / But it's easier to die when you are young! #im posting this outside my queue cuz i. want u to lok at it :) i was in the wc tag last night like ohhh i miss these guys #(<-- doesnt tag posts as wizard city) i wonder why the wc tag is so empty :'( #will i ever get tired of drawing spader as a weird little ghost. no. will i ever stop talking in the tags when i draw digitally. also no

[euphor1a]

So, do you guys ever feel like your life is a social experiment🧍🏽‍♀️

#🌺; aleyna rambles #lzkdhsjsj #sorry for dipping i have my finals going on lmao #the hardest part is over tho ☺️ #anyway i’m tired and miss jungkook 😔 #rewatching his lives are not helping as much it used to 💔💔💔 #how are you guys it’s been a while a feel like 😞 #also about my life being a social experiment #it’s like you’d think it can’t get worse than this. there’s no way. #and then it does 😭😭😭 like FUCJ IM TRYING MY BEST HERE WHY MAKE IT WORSE #2024 going horrible so far and january alone felt like a whole year with everything going on 😖 #ok enough of that i hope everyone is hopefully doing well and if not i’m sending you a big hug and the comfort food of your choice 👍🏼 #i shall answer some asks and queue some posts 👯‍♀️ #also hi to anyone new here 😊! sorry if this is the first post you’re seeing from me after following #we struggling in this house 366 days 😩

[deadfishwalkin]

One time I made golden syrup to use for something I was baking. I used up a bit, but I accidentally made way too much, so I sealed it up nice and tight and put it away in a dark, empty cupboard where nothing could destroy it.

Flash forward a month later, I get the jar out to use for something else and there's an ocean of ants drowning in it. Turns out there was a tiny crack in the jar and all the ants sniffed out the sweet sugary syrup and came out from god-knows-where and let all nine circles of hell loose on their bounty, only to be mummified alive in amber treacle-y hell.

Some part of me finds it pretty tragic that ants, small enough to dodge radiation, resilient, loyal, strong, these wonderful, overall near-invincible creatures-

Yeah, some part of me finds it pretty tragic that they managed to squeeze into the tiniest crack in the impenetrable wall guarding their treasure and rushed in to claim their bounty, only to be defeated by a trap spun from liquified sugar and human ambition.

I don't know if I identity more with the jar or the ants (⁠•⁠‿⁠•⁠)

#krupukpost #golden syrup #baking #ants #the moral of the story is that ants suck ass #i got an ant under my ipad screeen once and it was just freaking burned in frying living it's best live in its equivalent of the sun's core #rambles #i dont know #why is everything so exhausting bro drowning in treacle is preferable to going through life sometimes #i hate ants #word vomit #im in spain without the a 😞 #'where'd your jar of syrup go' the ants eaded it all :( just as they shall consume our rotting flesh from our bodies when we're laid to rest #tag urself #r u the jar of promise sealed away somewhere in hiding only for the enemy to penetrate the smallest crack in order to drain u again #or r u the ants marching towards their inevitable death dreaming of glory and offbrand honey drowned in what they love #can u guys tell im tired and don't know whag the hell im writinf 🐟

[thueenz]

for real though that post is so true on the love front i think about it all the time like why is everyone so LOVELESS not even just in like cishetero marriages where they hate each other just in general like platonic too. it drives me craaazy when im exposed to it like why are ppl like this !! why dont you love your friends and partner!! its like everything is a social game that theyre playing just for validation and lacking real connection and its a game where theyre always about 2 steps away from being bitter and hateful towards their friends/lover like STOOOOP! im someone who values love and kindness so much and it baffles me. why do you hate your partner! why do you talk about them like theyre an object of validation! why are you dating someone you clearly dislike! why are u so mean to ur friends behind their backs im cryin. why do you up and abandon them the second you get a partner bc you dont value them over the romantic validation you get. ive always been such an affectionate person at heart and i value what my friends say so much and i always find myself feeling so distant from people in relationships because they just feel?? so shallow?? and distant from me. like i think oh this preson gets me but theres ppl who say the same things how they value kindness and love but its always like, immediately clear they are actually a deeply mean person and just enjoy feeling like theyre 'good'. the way society functions with relationships feels so intensely shallow and i cannot connect to it at all. i love my friends and i love people and i always want to understand them and reach out with compassion and be close to them physically and emotionally speaking and talk a lot and listen to them. however im cursed to live in a world of 1 word responses if any at all and shallow relationships where no one gaf about each other and then i get told i talk too much. hello? *tapping mic* hello? is this thing on? be filled with whimsy and love going forward please. anyway does anyone else feel this way or is it just me feel free to talk about it if youd like

#thank god i finally found some friends who are like this too it was so rough before #it sucks tho bc ive been so tired lately its hard for me to live up to this #which i dont hate myself for its valid its just like waaah i wanna have the energy to really put my all in friendships again #for half my life my biggest want and goal in life has been to be someone approachable and who seems kind #even to people with anxiety and i think growing up with anxiety greatly shaped that #i value being kind and compassionate and understanding to such a degree that i spent and still spend time actively working #towards that goal and unlearning being judgemental and bitter #bc i want to be kind so badly and to put kindness in the world... #no but seirously why do people date ppl they dont like #wym you guys arent so unabashedly in love that you practically see hearts thinking of them #wym your entire chest doesnt fill with joy and the simple prospect of them experiencing lifes small joys no matter how little and mundane #to love so wholly that you strive to be a good person not out of guilt or feeling like you are bad but because you desire so deeply to be #good for them and put as much goodness in their life as you can because its what they deserve...💙💙 #ANYWAY LMFAO! im sappy asf as a person sorry everyone but also not sorry #pers

[valpuduzz]

im so sorry to my mutuals i promise i dont wanna vent in here all the time because i know it can be extremely exhausting to be around such negativity and i do wanna make more funny posts but shit keeps happening and venting about it in the tags is sorta comforting in a way

#the meowing of a cat 🐱 #anyways. it is 5am and i cannot sleep because im not tired and also because i fucking hate myself #i wanna isolate myself from everyone #i really do #i really really really do. but i cant and i wont. dont worry. #actually i think i just wanna isolate myself from my crush because it's the only way i know the feelings will go away #but i cant #and i dont want to #YES IM VENTING ABOUT MY CRUSH AGAIN. I HATE IT TOO OKAY #im such a fucking incel and i hate it i hate it #im literally mister nice guy redditor #because i have so much love to give and i hate the fact he will never reciprocate. he doesnt even see me as a close enough friend #i just want to tell him how much i love him but i cant because i told him once and you cant confess again #that's not how that works #please why cant i accept he doesnt like me back why cant i accept it i just want to accept it #i want to let go i want to let go i want to let go but i cant i fucking cant and i hate it #please please please i just want to learn to live with the fact he wont and never will love me back #but i fucking cant. ive tried fucking everything. ive tried so fucking hard. and i always come back loving him more #wish i could punch my brain and my heart repeatedly. i just want to accept this that's all i fucking want #but i cant. and i overthink so hard i overthink every interaction i have with him #i want to let him know i love him but i dont wanna be a creep. he probably already thinks im a creep #but ofc he's so sweet he will never let me know that #i cant sleep and my leg hurts and my finger hurts and im shaking #i just. i really want to tell him the amount of love i have for him. but i cant anymore #he has been done wrong by many people. i wish i could give him my love. but i cant force someone to love me #god im such a Nice Guy incel.... i hate it #dont get me wrong he makes me so fucking happy. it's just the fact that i know he will never love me #and how i will never get to show my love for him fucks me up #i want to show him so badly but the love for him i hold is so overwhelming i cant possibly do that without being seen as a creep #please i just want to let go i want to accept it i want to accept he will NEVER fucking love me but i cant

[blueberryblogger]

can't wait to see what characters brennan brings in last minute to save the bad kids

#sorry guys that fight looked brutal & i have no hope #especially not regarding battles where they are coming in from another battle #it honestly feels frustrating to watch imho because i know there aren't real stakes #the bad kids will win because their immensely powerful allies will swoop in when the chips are down & revive & recoup #like i love d20 but the fantasy high finales feel especially low stakes when i know brennan wants to give his friends a good dnding #maybe thats why i liked a crown of candy & neverafter so much #the stakes felt real #acoc if you died you were dead #neverafter if you died your memories got more & more fucked up & your lives were harder to keep track of #but with fantasy high it feels really called in #especially when brennan throws his players from one battle right into the final battle #like of COURSE theyre going to die & their allies will swoop in and save them #what else would you expect from throwing players at half health & half spell slots into a battle with a legion of fully healthy enemies #sorry i didnt mean for this to get so critical im just bery tired so im entering the hater zone #fantasy high i love you but the ending of your story is predictable and i dont really feel excited to watch it like i have b4 #again possibly bc im tired #whose to say #fhjy spoilers

[weirdraccoon]

Yes, yes, angel /angel is cute and fluffy and demon /angel is wild and cool but I just realize my thing Is demon/demon which Is chaotic and bloody and honestly more interesting than the other two...

#guys i found an example for my kind of romance #people trying to destroy each other #fighting and biting would do it #but at the end of the day they cant live without the other #wich is toxic as hell and thats why i dont do relationships irl #just thinking about this after some conversations with my boss #he seemed to believe i was lying when i said i didnt need people #i couldve define asexuality then but im tired #so now ill just imply im a walking red flag #also this might be the reason why in my tomarrys harry is also a little psycho

[mittenlady]

thinkin about klavquill

(the audience boos)

#guys i spent 3 hours today cleaning the dorm bathroom Thefe was so much hair on the ground being a woman is so miserable why is there so muc #AINT no way 3 girls can shed so much hair #i smell nothing but bleach and cleanser and #i did my laundry too and im so tired but i need to work on my direct examinations for mock trial #where r the amta girlies …… Guys what the fuck do I write for these my group is MIA #i just want to write klavquill i am losing my mind #trying to write shorter oneshots that i can actually focus on bc CAYA needs Focus and im so exhausted constantly #and i can not even finish those … #winter break pls come soon pls pls pls holiday rarepair week pls release ur prompts soon so i have a will to live #unfortunate: writer can not write #i like making posts and just complaining about college experience in the tags im so tired im so fuckijg tired #Arizona iced tea my beloved #can’t even go to the campus Starbucks ALL RHE FUCKING WHITE GIRLS ARE THERE. I AM A WHITE GIRL. BUT I DONT COUNT #I NEED MY MATCHA LATTE OATMILK LIGHT ICE COLD FOAM AND WARM BROWNIE :( #anyway my roomie and i bought a massive bag of cheese yesterday that will be my dinner

[queen0fm0nsterz]

Incredibly tempted to write an analysis of each member of the Garuru Platoon both individually, in relation to each other, and in relation to their "counterpart" in the Keroro Platoon

#sgt frog #keroro gunso #over the years those guys have been the only ones which I have always loved consistently. it has been 10 literal years since I found out - #about their existance and I have loved them unconditionally ever since #as i got older my appreciation for them grew expontentially because I developed the ability to appreciate the fact that they are - #surprisingly complex characters in spite of their appearences on the show being so limited #even characters like say... tororo and taruru. which are the members of the platoon who are least used #and its a shame because they both are a delight #especially tororo. i am so angry that tororo never got his own episode... or an episode where he got to act solo #taruru had his little arc of going on earth by himself on a few occasions - zoruru has his whole thing with dororo ( don't get me wrong I - #still think he should have gotten more but considering his character arc it makes sense) - pururu had a whole huge arc on earth - #garuru had his random moments of dropping by casually/we have giroro to tell us about him every once in a while #all of them have these little moments. all except tororo. it makes me mad because tororo is the perfect example of how children on keron - #are exploited by the military at incredibly young ages and its very clear that this fucks them up in the long run. we have adult examples #like dororo. keroro. giroro. zoruru. list goes on. but tororo could have been a look into how a child (even one as smart as him) is - #affected by the whole thing #bc don't get me wrong tororo is a CHILD. he's not a tadpole in a tamama way where he's youthful in appearence but still implied to be a - #young adult. tororo is a straight up child. he can't be older than whatever the equivalent of fourteen is in keron years. #<- i have a reason behind why i say this but im tired rn LMAO #anyway yeah. live laugh love garuru platoon

[moomoorare]

Yesterday i had the urge to add ANOTHER baby to my aus and i had to bat myself because girl. They have enough... Although 😭

#like OKAY LISTEN #they can have an extra baby! for pride month! and the baby can ahve 4 mothers actually can it not #like in my mind nothing comes to mind as why i shouldmt turn them into a lesbian polycule? maybe my tired brain is missing something #but theyre not related at all so? #the piratecove kids are related to other aus kids but not to the flowerpot kids #im scrambling bc i literally dont remember im so sleepy #and like. like in my mind hannah and puffy were a thing (call out to jaimes art of them dancing at the red banquet) #so why Not #idk why the baby would have anything to do with it i just live drawng babies and having them do silly things #nOT MY BRAIN whispering oooh add TWO #😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #bc i wanna had a girl #but a boy too #like fuck man lets just idk #should i 😭 #like okay I'd add a little guy #dont ask me about lore or anything i dont even know what name i would give him #rare rambling

[moderngirlmp3]

as a society i think we need to talk less about eddie munson

#listen. LISTEN. i get it he’s cool and nonconformist and edgy and. dead and queercoded i GET IT #but like jesus christ yall the amounts of character butchery that the entire fandom has been subjected to #also hi sorry can we maybe possibly also address how the entire fandom insists on queerifying all the male characters. when we have. #a canonical wlw character. like ?? i just. im used to it from every other fandom but like #i simply do not have the patience for it in this one. can we please not ignore robin #also why does the obsession with eddie always come at the expense of the other more fleshed out characters. #like just say you want a self insert and go but don’t pretend that all of your headcanons or whatever actually happened #ESPECIALLY when it comes to ships. ahem steddie shippers. completely changing both of their characters and dynamics w other characters #i get wanting to change aspects of canon. trust me. i have a five page google doc of complaints. but like can we not act like he’s #canonically anything other than another minor character that the duffer bros sacrificed bc they didn’t wanna kill a main #and like. i don’t know. something about how the relationship everyone wants to focus on. is between steve and eddie ?? #who barely interact and tbh don’t have much stake in each others lives. #as opposed to like. dustin and eddie ??? like im sorry but. why is steve always so destroyed in fics where eddie dies #and dustin is just like. crying or whatever. #steve barely fucking knew the guy let’s be real. #i dont know. im angry and tired of shitty characterization and wlw being ignored for less relevant white men #roxisms #st #stranger things