#its been a rough few days but ive been hanging in there playing games with friends n my partner so im alright :P

[employee052]

Happy 4/32.

(+ 432 pre!TK doodle)

#i saw it was 4/32 and i wanted to do smth for him #artswin #tsp 432 #tsp timekeeper #tspud timekeeper #tsp #tspud #the stanley parable #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #stanley parable #i wasnt sure whether to post this on monday when i was back from my break or now esp bc ive been on a art rush #ive been making a lot of stuff that ill wait till monday to post. but i really wanted to share this rn just bc 4/32 is today #its been a rough few days but ive been hanging in there playing games with friends n my partner so im alright :P #cant wait to come back n show yall what ive made tho #anywho happy 4/32! #i wanna draw more TK and 432 in the future ngl (and curator too) #also. for my TK/interpretation of him he doesnt remember being 432

[yearningandpatheticaboutit]

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

CHAPTER 10: YOU SHOULD BE SCARED OF ME

warnings: suicide mention, drugs mention, sa menton

word count: 7111

previous chapter

***

San

when i wake up from my suffocating nap, yaera is tugging on my arm for us to get off the bus. i jump in my skin, looking out into the kind of neighbourhood i only pictured in movies.

my family was never really wealthy, but i know we always tried to do nice things. the houses and the clean streets and palm trees, everything around me just reeks of tax evasion.

"its not a long walk from here," yaera says, her voice sounding muffled. did she sleep in the bus too?

i cant hide my staring as we walk, feeling completely out of place. yaera's been hanging around my shitty apartment so often i forgot where she actually comes from.

it bothers me. i dont know why. sometimes i cant believe this partnership is real. there'd just be so much i'd overlook if all my needs were taken care of like hers are.

if its one thing im tired of, its surviving. just that. i dont remember the last time i had a good day that wasnt ruined by the impact of my fathers decisions.

we reach a white house that looks like something out of old hollywood. yaera stuns me by walking through the gate like nothing. i look around like a kid at a carnival, lost in the fantasy of how nice it must be to grow up around a functioning neighborhood.

yaera takes her shoes off in the front of her door, giving me some home nostalgia. i didnt realize a lot of people did that. i do the same thing, gazing around her sunlit foyer.

"no ones really home besides the maids so we can go straight to my room," she says, then turns around to look at me. "can i get you some juice? water?"

"do you have coke?" i ask.

"im not allowed to drink gas in this house. dont ask."

"juice is fine then."

she leads me to her room. her house has a lot of clocks. everything so simple and white. i pass by a wall on the way to her room, spotting a few baby pictures.

her room is even more bare than the rest of her house. everything i see...i never expected. nothing about yaera ever told me she has such a simple room.

it looks like something out of one of those modern home magazines. no posters on the walls, no pictures, no stuffed animals, nothing at all that showed her personality. not that i was an expert on that. but still.

"go ahead and make yourself comfy, ill be right back," she says and tosses her bag onto the bed. the weird sound it makes reminds me of the things she stole. she wants to sell them yet shes so careless.

i get up and walk around slowly. her room carpet is soft on my feet, better than the rough wooden floor at my apartment. because nothing in her room tells me anything, i go back to that wall.

im nervous because i dont like walking through the homes of others, but something intangible tells me to do it. theres a bunch of pictures of yaera as a preteen and a kid. she looks like a mess in all of them. her curly hair wild and her clothes hanging off her body like she played a rough game. and next to her is the girl identical to her, wearing the biggest smile.

it feels eerie to look at almost. knowing what happened to her.

the two of them are so tight knit, theyre inseparable in every photo. even though yaera is almost never smiling, she always has a hold on her sisters clothes or arm, while the girl looks so out of place next to her brooding twin.

i feel bad looking at it, feeling like im intruding. i hear footsteps coming up the stairs so i quickly run back and pretend to take my books out. yaera comes in a few seconds after, holding a tray of juice and a bowl of chips.

i shift awkwardly as she sets it down on the bed and sits down, roughly pulling at her school tie. her shirt pops open at the top, and i immediately divert my gaze when i catch a glimpse of her black bra.

dont. dont do this to me today. im begging my body to stay in check so she doesnt realize how starved of human interaction ive been before i met her.

"lets leave the studying for later," she boredly says and starts opening her bag. i frown at her, remembering what mrs evans told me.

in one of earlier periods, she basically begged me to tutor yaera, saying she was on the verge of failing and doing pretty much horribly in all her other subjects because she didnt try. if she didnt do well for the next few months, she wouldnt be able to go to any college.

"i dont think thats a good idea," i say, finally looking her in the eyes. her tie is around her head for some reason. "i was serious about tutoring you. it sounds like you really need help. we should get it done."

yaera rolls her eyes. "so im guessing evans spoke to you?"

"i think most people know you arent doing well in school."

"fuck you, san."

i almost smile because of the bland look she gives me.

"im just telling you the facts. what exactly are you going to do in italy?" i ask her. with the lengths shes going to, i know she has to have a plan.

"my grandmother from my mother's side, shes still alive. im going to stay with her. she owns a bakery and will take me in without saying anything."

"didnt you say you wanted to fall off the grid? away from your parents?"

yaera takes a handful of chips and throws it back into her mouth, exposing her chest yet again. i wince internally. i dont know where to look at this point.

"my mother got disowned by her mom a long time ago, when she left the country with my sister and i," she mutters, her tone quieting at the mention of her sister. "my nonna's family immigrated to italy from south africa years ago, so my mom was born in italy. my sister and i were born there too, so my grandmother was really upset when she left with us. they never talk, so i know im safe with her."

"how old were you when you left italy?"

"eleven," she answers, smiling fondly to herself. shes pretty when shes not plotting or wearing her insufferably sly smirk.

"we still go back and forth a lot. because of my parents business. i stay here for school and go back for vacations and holidays."

it must be nice, i think. im surprised shes handing out information so freely. i guess she does really trust me.

"maybe we can visit each other," she suddenly says, the smirk ive seen too many times hanging on her lips again. "when we're both wild and free in europe."

"you know england and italy arent down the street from each other, right?" i laugh slightly, wondering to myself why she would say that.

"so? you know what they say, in europe everything is walking distance."

i chuckle, i dont know why. shes not funny. its embarrassing how a week ago she was blackmailing me and now im eating chips in her room, listening to her life story.

wooyoung would be fuming if he could see me now.

he'd ask me why i was letting in a girl so notorious, so much of a fiend. someone so shady, who isnt at all afraid of danger. and even if she is, thats not gonna stop her at all.

i wont have an answer for him when he does question me. because i dont know why either. maybe im just letting myself have something for once. even if its not the smartest or sanest thing in the world.

yaera takes out the stuff she stole from her bag, snapping pictures of a shiney watch. "people will buy anything online, its crazy," she tells me slyly. "all i have to do is say free delivery and they come crawling like rats to a pizza slice."

so this is what shes been doing for money. "how much does it make you?" i question.

"a lot. i recommend it. even if there isnt a fixed amount, theres no way youre going home with coins."

she leans in to me suddenly, her bra poking open as a gold cross necklace hangs from her neck. i gulp hard. what is she doing?

"and i was thinking...if you cant get rid of all the rosies on time...maybe you can just give Miss A the money?" she continues on as if she doesnt realize how hot she is. or maybe she does, maybe shes doing it on purpose.

it takes me a few seconds to digest what she says.

"what?"

"we can dump it, or sell it ourselves for an even higher price," she says excitedly. "we pay off your amount and then just make double it. you know?"

i dont like the sound of it. im not good with finances, which is exactly why i do the rough stuff. its why im known for being the muscle. i still dont know why miss A gave me this shitty job, knowing i had no expertise. maybe she wants to get rid of me.

"lets play it safe for now," i say, stuttering slightly. im taking a lot of risks so this is going to have to wait. especially because i have enough to hide from miss A.

yaeras proximity is so close to me i cant ignore it anymore. her skirt is hiking up as she sits, her long knee highs distracting as fuck. im biting hard on my lip, the strain tugging in unmentionable places. i cant do this anymore.

"your top is a little...wide," i say suddenly.

"huh?" she looks down and realizes. i expect her to go as red as i feel, but all she does is grip her shirt closed and smile crookedly.

"my bad. i didnt mean to give you a show," she jokes. "wanna stand in the hall for a second? i'll put on something else." 

i can never tell if shes being serious when she flirts with me. it feels like everything is a joke or a lie. no ones ever acted the way she does towards me before. i dont know how to deal with it.

i get up and leave, hardly making eye contact. my skin is prickly and hot. i cant be getting affected like this. im such a loser.

my imagination tries causing my downfall while her door is closed. the clocks in her house are ticking and im trying to focus on them instead of picturing her getting undressed. fuck, what is wrong with me.

i reach for my phone, hoping to get distracted. but when i reach for my pockets it isnt on me. i go back into yaera's room, without thinking at all and  her back is faced toward me.

luckily it isnt her bare back. she has a pink tank top on. i lose my sense for a few seconds when she turns around, her top still dangerously low, and my phone right in her hand.

its open.

i fight my glare, i probably just left it open by mistake; but shes looking at me like she wants to kill me. her jaw is clenched, her dark eyes narrowed at me like i kicked a puppy.

"why do you have my phone?" i ask her cautiously.

"why do you have this picture on your phone?" she says back, cold as ice.

my mind goes blank. "what?"

she smiles but its nothing sweet. "yeosang emailed you. he wants to meet you for drugs. now tell me why he sent you this picture?"

oh. the picture of her with that older guy. the colour feels like its leaving my body. oh fuck.

"i-i can explain–"

"i noticed you got it a day after we met. were you trying to get leverage on me?"

im embarrassed. i dont know what to say. but my brain tells me to just be honest. theres no way they can look any worse.

"yeah, i was," i admit. she scoffs and rolls her eyes. "i wanted something on you the way you had something on me. but i dont plan on using that. ever."

"thats supposed to make me feel better?" she questions angrily.

"well, you still have that video of me dealing drugs. do you think that makes me feel better?"

she clamps her mouth shut and bites her lip in frustration, tossing my phone to the bed. i want to approach her but i feel like shes about to kick me out of her house.

she cant be mad. i know its fucked up but i was just getting even. i hope this doesnt ruin everything we tried establishing a day ago. that would be so exhausting.

she drops onto her bed, pushing her hair back as she glares onto the ground. "fuck that asshole, yeosang. that picture is useless anyway."

i frown and finally get the courage to move to sit next to her. "what do you mean?" i ask.

she scoffs again, a forced smile on her face. "because that isnt me. its my sister."

my blood pauses in my veins as i look at her. yaera sighs, the look on her face distant and pained. what?

"but yeosang–"

"is a fucking idiot," she finishes off coldly. "he leaked that picture of her days after she went missing. everyone thought she ran away and was rebelling so brands started dropping her. my parents threatened to sue and he swore to delete it. my parents made me step up and announce that i was the one in the picture so that yasmines name would stop getting slandered. so they called me a whore instead."

she chuckles darkly. "i guess it was easier to believe i was the whore and not her. they werent expecting her to be a bag of bones at the bottom of a canyon."

what the fuck. i bend my elbows on my knees and rub my face because i dont know what to say. yeosang is such a fucking asshole.

"i'll delete the pic," i say heavily. "i didnt know. yeosang said it was you."

"most people believe it is. to this day. but nah, thats my innocent sister in the arms of some guy."

"what the fuck is that angle?" i ask her in disbelief. "it doesnt look like she knows she was being watched."

"i dont think she did," yaera admits frighteningly calm. she reaches for something in her bag, and pulls out the camera she stole.

"i think my sister was being stalked. and i think that person is stalking me too."

"what?" i raise my voice. shes dead serious.

yaera holds the camera towards me, showing me a folder. when i look at the pictures inside, my face goes icy. hundreds of pictures of her at school, smoking, sitting around, completely unaware that a camera is on her. then as i scroll further down, i see the exact same picture yeosang sent me.

the original.

"what the fuck?" i whisper and shake my head. "we have to take this to your parents. or the police. what if this is the same person who killed your sister?"

yaera nearly drops the camera and i swear she looks like all the colour has drained from her face. she feels her head and shivers. "i-i think im going to be sick."

"i'll go get a cold rag. hold on."

i get up but she pulls me back by my shirt, shaking her head. "no please. just stay here," she almost begs.

we have to do something about this. this means the stalker is a student, or even worse, a teacher.

it cant be the guy in the picture, hes older and hes being watched too. it has to be a student, and it has to be someone part of the soccer team.

"did yeosang ever say where he got this picture?" i ask her.

she gulps and shakes her head. "no he said it was sent to him. and because he knows everyone, he was told to leak it. so he did. he thought it was from her or someone else saying that shes safe and alive. but...then..."

she takes a deep breath, and it sounds like theyre getting smaller. her chest is rising and falling harder than usual, a slight whistle in her breathing. i reach for her bag and rummage through it, finding her asthma pump.

"take this," i tell her and hand it to her. she takes two puffs, her breathing harsher than before. shes almost shaking.

"ill go with you," i tell her firmly. "to the police, or to your parents. we can show them this. you might be in danger."

"they wont do anything," she says defeatedly. "the police buried the case and i would just be bringing up old wounds to my parents. so much has happened...they wouldnt believe me."

"but we have evidence right here!" i groan, unable to believe what im hearing. "youre just going to accept this?"

"what do you want me to do?" she snaps her head at me. "do you want us to find this guy? then what?"

i clench my jaw thinking of it. hes probably some sick fuck getting off to pictures of yaera and a dead girl. how fucked up do you have to be to still hold onto this?

"we kill him."

"what?" she looks at me horrified. "what the fuck are you talking about?"

"okay fine, we dont kill him. but lets fuck him up, or get him in trouble. because this is messed up. i can find out who this belongs to. just give me your word and i will."

yaera nods with difficulty, looking like shes choking down sobs. this day has taken a completely different turn, we havent even gotten to studying yet.

my phone rings and buzzes again. i look at it. its the thirtieth call yeosang has given me. i pick up in annoyance and nearly growl into the phone. "what the fuck do you want?"

"fucking finally!" he screams, making me pull the phone away from my ear. "you asshole! ive been tryna reach you all day? you finally out of marino's ass? can i fucking talk to you?"

"what do you need?" i grit out because unfortunately i need this fucker and his money.

"i need you to give me like four bags before saturday. ill pay you today, okay? this shit is addictive im literally shaking and if you dont deliver im gonna fucking beat your ass, okay? im thirsty!" yeosang demands, his voice unhinged and feral.

"when do you need it?"

"did you not hear me? today asshole! drop it at the rockstar cafe near school. one of my girlfriends work there. give it to her."

"fine. ill send wooyoung to drop it."

"fucking thank you. god, was that so hard?–"

i hang up on him and turn my attention back on yaera. shes looking at me with a closed off glint in her soft brown eyes, her lips slightly pouted. i stare at them a little too long, against my will.

"how do you know yeosang?" she asks me suddenly. "or more, how did you start selling drugs to him?"

i cant for the life of me find out why she wants to know that. i did tell her i would let her know anything she wants, so i guess i should be fair.

"he knew one of yunho's guys," i say. "he used to sell him drugs when he went clubbing. long story short, the guy died and yunho asked me to start supplying yeosang instead. he was surprised when he found out we were at the same school."

"and he kept quiet?" she asks in genuine disbelief. "yeosang? the guy who tells everyone with whom and where he has sex? the guy who cant keep a secret for shit? that guy?"

"yunho warned me about him. i have a little leverage on him to make sure he doesnt squeal."

her eyes suddenly light up with that dark, mischevious flare she uses when she wants something. "what kind of leverage?"

"before i tell you, whats your relationship with yeosang?"

"he tried to fuck me," she says crudely, making my mouth nearly drop open. "and he knew my sister. he tried to fuck us both actually. and when i didnt let him he went around spreading rumors about me. he still does it to this day."

okay so she has it out for him. and rightfully so. everytime i hear about yeosang hes out disappointing his parents.

"his scandal is kinda fitting then," i chuckle humorlessly. "he had sex with this girl at one of yunhos clubs. he drugged her drink. yunho has it all on camera."

yaeras face morphs into disgust. "thats not fucking sex thats...he literally...oh my god."

"i know," i sigh. "hes a real piece of shit. yunho had his hands on that. and now it belongs to the gang. he knows if he speaks, his life is over."

"how the fuck did yunho record it?"

"he used to record everything in his club. hes was one sick fuck. there were cameras in every corner of that club. every single one. its how the police busted him. luckily for yeosang, his video already made it out of there beforehand."

yaera shakes her head and grips her hair. "this shit is fucking crazy."

thats my life. shes horrifed. i can feel it. but she wanted this. she wanted to be a part of it. luckily it wont be her forever. i dont know when it will end for me.

***

i tried my best to tutor yaera after the revelation of all the upsetting news. she struggled to pay attention, i could tell. her answers were all delayed and she kept zoning out on the diagrams.

at some point i accept we wont get any work done today. i look outside and see its getting late. yeosang is ringing my phone again, as well as wooyoung. i realize i have stops to make.

i close my textbook which happens to be open on the diagram of the heart. yaera blinks slowly, then sits up when she realizes we're done.

"oh. sorry," she mutters. "i wasnt really a good student today, huh?"

i shrug, its not a big deal right now. "we can try again tomorrow. you have a lot on your plate."

"thank you." she says in the smallest voice. its humble coming from her.

i open my bag and shove my books in and she helps me pack. eventually she hands me the camera.

"you take it," her voice is tired and flat. "do whatever you need to with it. i dont want in the house, im going to stare at the pictures all night and its gonna make me sick."

"ill take it away tonight," i tell her. "you remember the mongols? those guys you met when you followed me the first time?"

"yeah?"

"theyre my dads old gang. they do favours for me sometimes because they feel bad for ruining my life. i can get in touch with mao's niece. shes a hacker. i'll take the camera to her and see what she can do."

"thanks. i'd go with you but my parents are gonna be home anytime soon," she sighs. "be careful."

i swing my bag onto my shoulder and we walk out of her house. we schedule to study sometime on the weekend again, right before yeosang's party.

when we get outside the sky is almost pitch black, except for a faint line of blue over the roofs of the mansions. its going to be a nightmare to get transport this time around. i decide to call an uber.

"i wanted to ask you," yaera says as we wait in silence on the pavement. "theres this thing coming up with my family. like...an event for that photoshoot i did. and i need a date."

i raise an eyebrow. is she seriously asking me to go to a fancy event with her family? me? the poster boy for poverty?

"dont look at me like that," she punches my arm lightly, scowling. "im not into you or anything. i want you to meet the models im dealing to. theyre going to be there."

i narrow my eyes at her. "you want to deal at your parents party?"

"no, san. i wanna see you in a suit and drool over how hot you look."

my mouth hangs open at how completely serious she sounds while saying it. i nervously look away and wipe my face with a sigh, irritated by how easily she affects me. she bursts out laughing and my embarrassment worsens.

"you keep asking me dumb questions. obviously! and dont worry about the suit, ill get you one myself."

i dont meet her gaze even though i can feel her staring at me. "so you didnt mean what you said before that?"

she comes to stand right infront of me, that devious smirk on her lips once again. goddamn it. i fail to look away, not wanting to be intimdated except i am.

"about wanting to drool over you?" she asks lowly, her smirk dripping with smugness. "you want me to mean that, choi san?"

my body is abnormally fucking hot. i hear a horn beep a few feet away and see a black toyota waiting. thank god. i clear my throat awkwardly and tighten my hand on the strap of my backpack.

"i gotta go. i'll text you." i say and scurry away as fast as i can.

yaera waves slowly to me when i get into the car and look at her through the window. i need to keep myself in check, no matter how difficult she makes it.

on the way home i get texts from wooyoung complaining about yeosang and about me taking my sweet time at yaera's house. hes convinced we're having unprotected sex everytime hes not in the room.

my face warms again as an image appears and quickly vanishes from my mind. that wouldnt be the worst thing in the world, right?

no. what the fuck san. get it together. what the hell did you just think.

it was the grief and trauma from seeing yunho get sliced up. im convinced. no way would i be having these disorderly thoughts unprovoked.

the uber drops me off infront of a tattoo parlour, aespa. mao's niece is a tattoo artist here. ive only visited a few times, mostly doing errands.

its evening so the place is shut down, but i know shes here. i slam my hand onto the door and peer through the glass waiting for her to show up. it takes me a few aggressive policeman knocks before she eventually comes strutting out through the dark shop, scowling at me.

she unlocks the door and glares at me. "what the hell? do you pay to knock down my door like this?" she snaps.

"hey, ningning, right?" i say. "im san. you know me right?"

she squints her eyes at me and then clicks her fingers. "ah...that guys kid. i dunno his name. tekken?"

"yeah. can i come in?" i sigh. 

she opens the door and flicks the lights on, allowing me to pass through. her hair is bright red and she has two full sleeves on both her arms. last time i visited she only had a few tattoos.

"im guessing youre not here for a tattoo appointment?" she says and goes to sit on a spinning chair. it accidently slides across the floor and she tumbles out of it. she gets up and smiles awkwardly.

i take off my bag and pull out the camera. "i need a favour. can you help me find out who this belongs to? its urgent."

"mmmmm did you steal it?"

"not important. i just need a name or an address."

she crosses her arms and nods. "that'll be easy. depending on how long this takes me, ill give you a price after."

i scowl. "please dont be unreasonable."

ningning gives me a nasty look. "hey, my uncle owes you favours, kid. not me, i didnt ruin your life. this is not a charity."

i sigh and nod, giving her the camera. i follow her to a backroom that ends up leading to a basement under her shop. she unlocks nearly four doors to get to her station, and i see massive monitors and a sick computer set up that i know costs more than my apartment.

she lets out a sigh and jumps into her chair, taking out the camera. im curious because i didnt even know cameras could be traced back. the police do it, right?

"so how do you do this?" i ask when she starts typing abnormally fast.

she chuckles, and my eyes widen when a bunch of alien code appears on the screens. "come on, even if i explained to you, do you really think your dumbass would get it?"

i scowl. damn it shes right.

"you couldve just said no," i mutter pathetically under my breath.

"serial numbers kid. serial numbers. theyre a godsent gift. also photos. does this camera have any photos?"

"yeah, a ton." my anger returns just thinking about the creep and his 'hobby'.

ningning pulls up the pictures from the camera and puts them onto the monitors. i bite my lip awkwardly when she turns and side eyes me.

"are you stalking someone?" she asks me dead seriously.

"no," i scoff. "im trying to find the stalker. and even if i was, you'd have no grounds to judge me with what you do."

"i may steal and sell peoples information but at least im not a weirdo," she rebuts and sticks out her tongue. seconds later she pulls out a piece of paper and starts writing shit down.

"theres an account attached to the camera. heres a name and address." she hands the paper to me. i frown looking at the name.

"Apple?" i scowl. this feels like a prank. and severely underwhelming. but at least ive got an address. im going to break this fuckers legs.

ningning smiles, sighing as if bored. "too easy. i was actually hoping this would be a challenge. that'll be 50."

i groan in the back of my throat, feeling like im giving out more money than im bringing in. yaera better pay me back for this. i dig into my wallet and give her my paper and it turns out its my last. broke.

ningning sends me a wink as i make my way out. "good luck, Lucky. or whatever they call you nowadays."

wooyoung picks me up a few minutes after, a new license plate on his van. hes honks obnoxiously for me to get in, nearly waking up the entire neighbourhood.

"never send me to plug that yeosang fucker ever again!" he immediately whines when i slide in passenger. "i cant stand that guy. how does he have that many girlfriends and i dont?"

"youre not a rich sexy creep i guess," i tell him and then sigh. "woo, we need to kill someone."

"what?!" wooyoung screams like the human loadspeaker he is. "who? the blackmailer?"

"no!" i snap and glare at him. i pull out the address and show him. "this is the address of the fucker thats been stalking her. including her dead twin sister."

wooyoungs jaw nearly drops. "woah. yeah thats fucked. when and where?"

i look out the window, thinking back to how she said she didnt want me to hurt anyone. i would probably piss her off and scare her. who knows what would happen. she doesnt want me to do things behind her back.

"let me tell her first. but tomorrow after school, we're paying this person a visit."

***

Yaera

it feels like everyday i wake up i feel more and more like trash. the nights feel long. the day feels too early. i know whats coming. its getting bad again.

ive been called depressed by my therapists and teachers. then it quickly became an excuse. an excuse to them i constantly use to be bad at school and everything else. all i know is everytime i think my happiness will last it doesnt.

when i dont feel my emotions, i dont remember them. they become foreign to me, like nothing. but recently ive been feeling a lot. san has made me feel a range of emotions.

sadness, fear, anger. excitement. fucking arousal. he makes me feel the way a cigarette does. which is crazy. i never thought i'd feel anything for anyone like that ever again. not since jongho.

i sit with silent admiration as he approaches me in the parking lot the next day. of course he has his resting bitch face on, but its one of the things i look forward to these days.

my hands are shaking inside my blazer pockets as i lean against the wall, my nicotine addiction not fulfilled for the day because i spent money on hairdye and forgot.

sans eyes shift to my now black hair and an awkward smile (i think its a smile?) sits on his face. "hey. did you get my texts?"

"my phone died," i say. i actually passed out after doing my hair last night, completely exhausted and terrified by the information that hit me. all that and i forgot to charge and bring my phone the next day.

"oh. i guess i have to say this in person then," san frowns. "i got an address and name for you. of the stalker."

my blood feels like cold sludge in my veins and i immediately feel more lightheaded. my stomach churns. "oh," i try to keep a straight face. "thank you."

he sighs and takes out a piece of paper. "before i show this to you. i want you to know wooyoung and i are planning to go to this address after school. you can come with us to confront the bastard. are you okay with that?"

my mouth is dry and i dont even know what to say. i didnt think he would actually find the creep. i dont even know if i can face him.

i nod with difficulty and san gives me the paper. my stomach immediately plunges like a fucking roller coaster.

no fucking way.

"i couldnt get his actual name. this is all thats available on his account." san sounds disappointed. his face drops further when i meet his eyes.

"are you okay? do you know this person?" he asks, hands hesitantly reaching out as if hes afraid im going to fall over.

i just cant believe it. after years and years i didnt ever think this could happen. but it makes sense, doesnt it? everythings starting to make sense.

"this is jongho's nickname," i utter lifelessly. "and this is his address."

"what?" san raises his voice. his eyes turn into planets. "the annoying prefect?? the one that hates you??"

i nod and almost start laughing. i almost start crying too. jongho is my stalker. he was my sisters stalker. i guess i shouldnt be surprised, he was literally in love with her. but me?

why me?

i cant fucking breathe.

it all gets worse. i reach for my asthma pump and it falls out of my blazer and plonks onto the cement. san picks it up and wipes it off, placing it in between my lips.

he pumps it for me, and i would almost consider this romantic if not for the fucked up circumstances we're always in.

"do you want me to hurt him?" san asks me seriously. "because i will."

i shake my head and scoff. "and face a lawsuit? you have nothing and jongho has everything."

san has a terrifying look on his face. "it doesnt have to be me. you know i know people that would make him pay for this."

i dont want him to pay. not yet. i just want him to be honest. i want this to fucking make sense.

"i knew he was fucked up but wow," i laugh to myself, making san more concerned. "imagine he did actually love me all this time? imagine he loved us both?"

"yaera." san sternly says. "process this and lets talk later. we have class. dont say anything to him or breathe near him. he could be dangerous. he couldve harmed..."

the sick feeling sweeps through me and i find it hard to digest. i gag and nearly throw up, but luckily nothing comes up. thinking of jongho, the asshole i cant stand but also one of my first loves throwing my sister off a canyon after strangling her is making me want to off myself harder than i thought.

and the image never leaves me.

even when we get to class, i find myself

lost in my own head thinking about it. i cant enjoy history for the life of me because im thinking of the past. im thinking of my parents that trusted him. yasmine trusted him too. so much. she thought he was fine with just being her friend.

no, im lying. she knew choi jongho wasnt fine with being just friends. i know she teased him with a relationship that would never happen. i know she kissed him a few times, maybe did something more. i know she led him on for years and he never really gave up because he thought they were perfect together. she could be cruel about it, the way she kept him on a leash.

now shes fucking dead.

"choi san!" someone screams, tearing me out of my thoughts as the classroom door roughly swings open. everyone stands up as our headmaster appears in the doorway, with...jongho behind him.

my breath hits a wall when i look at him, and hes glaring straight at san. the soccer coach is standing in the doorway as well.

san stands up awkwardly, confusion lined in his features. "yes sir?"

"it has come to our attention that items have gone missing from the boys lockerroom yesterday afternoon. choi jongho stated that you were the only one he saw hanging around that area at the time. can you confirm?" our headmaster asks, making the entire class fall into hushed whispers.

no fucking way. san is going red out of panic.

"i-i mean i was there. but i didnt steal anything. h-how or why would i?" san asks.

"you're a scholarship student," jongho spits at him like hes filth. "its not farfetched for you people to get carried away at a school like this. youre already here for free."

"excuss me?" mr grüne, my history teacher interrupts with a glare. "choi san is a good student he would never do such a thing. you can ask anyone of his teachers."

jongho lets out a spiteful laugh. "an expensive camera and watch have gone missing, i dont care about his reputation i care about my team. and choi san is the only person i saw at the lockerrooms yesterday!"

"i didnt steal anything," san defends, clenching his jaw as he grips his desk.

"then surely you will not mind us searching your locker?" the soccer coach says. san's face drops.

i hold my breath. i hold it because i know san has the camera hidden in his locker. we were supposed to confront jongho after school.

"i-"

"you cant search his locker," i say, scoffing and bringing the attention on me. "thats an invasion of privacy."

"its school property," headmaster corrects me. san is looking at me like hes internally begging me to stop. but i wont because i need to save him from himself.

"if you think he stole your shit, call the police," i say. jongho clenches his jaw at me.

thats right. you wont call the police because once they find your camera youre fucked.

"this doesnt concern you, ms marino," headmaster tells me sternly. "choi san im going to need you to come with us to give your locker combination please."

oh fuck. oh no oh fuck.

san slowly leaves the classroom and i can see jongho smirking evilly to himself. no way i cant let san go down like this. they'll destroy him. he doesnt know how to verbally defend himself.

"sir i need to be excused," i say and immediately bolt after them. i pull jongho to the side, making him glare and rip his arm from me. i grab him again, digging my nails into his skin.

"what the fuck are you doing? let go." he hisses at me.

"call the search off," i grit through my teeth. "call the fucking search off right now."

jongho chuckles. "and why would i do that?"

"because if you dont i'll take your camera to the police and let them know youve been stalking me and my dead sister," i say. his face crumbles.

in seconds jongho's smug grin shatters into utter disbelief. hes taking too long. san is going to get caught.

"go fucking call it off!" i snap. "tell headmaster your parents found it, say something or else im letting everyone know what a fucked up creep you really are."

jongho runs and nearly trips over his feet as he chases after our headmaster. my skin is pricky because im scared he wont get there in time. im scared san will go down for this. for MY doings.

i let out a sigh of relief when all four of them come walking back and san isnt in handcuffs. but jongho is giving me a terrified look. good, he should be fucking scared.

"i want to apologize to everyone here for interrupting your lesson and also choi san for the inconvenience," our headmaster says. "it was simply a misunderstanding."

mr grüne looks like he already knew san was innocent and san shrugs it off like nothing. he looks at me wondering how i did it. i mouth to him that we'll talk later. jongho drops something on my desk before he leaves, a note.

meet me on the soccerfield after break. i'll explain everything.

A/N: AYEEE NINGNING CAMEO ANYONE? AESPA X ATEEZ CRUMBS?

next chapter

#ateez angst #ateez imagines #choi san angst #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez scenarios #choi san #choi san fluff #san angst #gang au #ateez mystery #ateez thriller #ateez ot8 #ateez au

[suituuup]

clouds

Prompt: After finding out she has Stage II breast cancer, Beca gets started with chemo. She never expected she’d make a friend there, much less a kid.

rating: M

word count: 5,4k

ao3 link

*

“All done,” the nurse chirps as she takes out the needle and presses a wad of cotton to the small puncture spot. “You’ll have to wait an hour or so for the lab results to come back before they set you up for chemo.” 

“Okay,” Beca mumbles, lowering her sweater sleeve and standing from the cot. She thanks the nurse and shuffles out of the room and towards the elevator that will take her up to the right floor. 

A month ago, Beca found out she had breast cancer. She had just got back from tour and was on her annual gynecology check-up where the doctor felt a lump in her left breast. She referred Beca to a specialist and, following a mammogram and a biopsy, Beca was diagnosed with Stage II breast cancer. 

Her whole universe as she knew it shifted on its axis. While her chances of survival were pretty high at that stage, she knew treatment would momentarily change her daily life, and that the few months ahead would be an emotional whirlwind.

Beca got set up just over an hour later on a reclining chair on the infusion floor. She had packed a bag with everything she would need: snacks, a blanket, water, and her computer and headphones so she could get some work done. 

The nurse soon came over to start an IV, Beca wincing as the needle pierced her skin. “Alright, you’re all set. Call me if you need anything.”

“Thanks.”

She closes her eyes and puffs out a long breath, willing herself to relax. 

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay on your own?”

Beca opens her eyes to find a little girl, no older than ten or eleven, climbing in the chair next to hers. Her mom, Beca supposes from the matching hair color, crouches in front of her. 

“Yes, mom. I already told you I’ll be okay.” 

“Okay, okay. I’ll be back in half an hour.” The woman kisses the girl’s forehead, shrugging off the Wonder Woman backpack and setting it on her daughter’s lap. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” As soon as her mother turns away to leave the room, her curious blue eyes find Beca. “You’re new.”

Beca puffs out a surprised chuckle. “I am, yeah.”

A small hand is thrust towards her. “I’m Maddie.”

Beca shakes her hand lightly. “Hi Maddie, my name’s Beca.” 

“Nice meeting you.” She opens her backpack just as the nurse heads towards her. “Hi Jenny.”

“Hello Maddie. How are we doing today?”

“I’m okay, thanks. Mommy and I are going to eat ice cream afterwards.” She rolls up her sleeve and extends her arm, barely flinching as the nurse pushes the needle in. 

Beca realizes with a painful pang in her chest that it’s definitely not her first time getting chemo. 

“Lucky you,” the nurse gushes, taping the IV tube to her arm. “All done, sweetie. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Thanks, Jenny.”

Beca glances away, her eyes drifting to her own IV bag. It’s strange to think about how what’s supposed to kill the cancer is also killing every good cell in her body. Soon she’ll be losing her hair and—

“Who’s your favorite singer?”

Beca is pulled out of her thoughts by that same girl — Maddie. An amused smile curves her lips. “Um, I like a lot of singers, but I guess my top 3 is Fleetwood Mac, Harry Styles and Beyoncé.”

“My mom loves Fleetwood Mac,” she says. “Mine’s Shawn Mendes.”

Beca nods. “He’s a cool guy.”

Those striking blue eyes widen. “You’ve met him??”

Beca has worked with him on his last album and he’s become a good friend, but she wants to keep a low profile, so she shakes her head. “No, I mean— he seems like a cool guy.”

“Oh. Yeah. I was supposed to go see him live last year but I wasn’t healthy enough.”

Beca’s heart cracks a little bit at that. “That sucks, I’m sorry.”

Maddie shrugs. “It’s okay. Do you know how to play Backgammon?”

Beca lets out another chuckle. She hadn’t expected to meet anyone here, much less a kid (she’s not a kid person), but she has to admit it’s a nice distraction from her spiraling thoughts. “No, but maybe you could teach me?”

The next two hours go much faster than Beca initially expected, thanks to Maddie’s company. Her mom —Chloe, as she introduces herself— comes back half an hour in, but she seems content reading her book while Beca and Maddie play. 

“Yes!” Maddie exclaims when she —once again— wins that round. 

“Well done, dude. I’ll do better next time.” 

“You wanna come eat an ice cream with us?” She asks as the nurse takes Beca’s IV out. 

Beca already feels tired and nauseous, so she declines, shaking her head. “Thanks, but I’m gonna head home. It was cool hanging out with you, though.” 

“You, too. See you next time!” 

Beca nods, casting her mother a polite smile as she gathers her stuff and stands up. “Bye.” 

The first effects of chemo hit her for real a couple hours afterwards. Exhaustion like she’s never experienced creeps on her right before dinner (she’s not really hungry anyway), and she crashes for thirteen hours, waking up with the urge to throw up. Her day is spent wallowing on her couch when she’s not bent over the toilet, weaving in and out of sleep while the sitcom channel fills the silence of her empty apartment. 

It lasts two days, and Beca starts feeling better on the third, which happens to be her second chemo session. Maddie and her mom are already there when she gets to the room, and she casts them both a wave and a tired smile before sitting down in the same seat as last time. 

“Hi Beca!” Maddie exclaims, grinning brightly. 

“Hey dude. Ready to kick my butt at Backgammon again?” 

“Yep!” She turns to her mom a second later. “Mommy I have to pee.” 

“Oh go quick then, before the nurse starts you on your IV.” Maddie scampers off towards the bathroom, and Chloe’s eyes flicker to Beca, a sympathetic smile spreading on her features. “How are you holding up?” 

Beca grimaces. “The last two days have been pretty awful, I’m hoping it won’t get as bad after each session.” 

“Yeah… it’s rough.” 

“How long-- um, has she been in chemo long?” She asks hesitantly. 

“It’s our second round this time around,” Chloe says softly, the pain evident in her eyes. “She was diagnosed with leukemia three years ago, and it’s been an emotional roller coaster since then. Two remissions, yet here we are again.” 

Beca’s eyes widen. “Wow... I’m so sorry.” 

“She’s a fighter. Much braver than I could ever be. Always has a smile on her face.” 

Maddie comes back before Beca can say anything else, hopping back on her chair. Beca manages to win two rounds out of ten this time, and she crashes in her bed as soon as she gets home. 

The next few weeks are a blur, as Beca doesn’t do much except going to the hospital three times a week for chemo and sleeping it off. She misses work, and going out with her friends, but she doesn’t have the energy to leave the house. She’s thankful for Stacie and Emily, who regularly come to check on her and even go grocery shopping for her. 

Four weeks after beginning her treatment, Beca’s hair starts to fall off. She knew it would happen, but she didn’t think it would hit her so hard emotionally. She loses weight, too, and her complexion is much paler. 

Maddie’s high spirits are a nice distraction every time she’s at the hospital. They play games, listen to music, and even grab ice cream once or twice with her mom when Beca feels okay enough not to head straight home. 

On her last day of chemo, Beca is surprised to see Maddie isn’t there. “Is her treatment over?” She asks Jenny as the nurse sets her up for her infusion. 

Jenny shakes her head. “She was admitted last night.” 

Beca’s heart squeezes in her chest, and she swallows down the rising lump in her throat. “Do you know if she’s allowed visitors?” 

“I’m not sure. I’ll check for you.” 

After her session, Beca heads to the oncology floor and asks for Maddie’s room at the reception. She heads down the hall, turning the corner and lingering in the doorway. 

Maddie looks so small in her hospital bed, her complexion as pale as the white walls. An oxygen mask covers her mouth and nose, a wheezing sound filling the room every time she breathes. Chloe’s the first to notice Beca as she sits by her daughter’s side, stroking her hair. 

“Sorry, I wasn’t sure-- I can go,” Beca murmurs, feeling suddenly out of place. 

“It’s okay,” Chloe croaks out, waving her in. Her eyes are bloodshot and her features scream exhaustion and despair, and Beca’s heart clenches yet again. 

Maddie finally notices her, a tired smile spreading across her lips. “Hi.” 

“Hey dude,” Beca greets with a soft smile, lowering herself on the opposite chair because her legs feel weakened by the chemo. “Missed you today.” 

“Did you ring the bell?” 

Beca nods. “I did.” 

“Sorry I wasn’t there.” 

“It’s okay, Maddie. I’m sorry you’re not feeling good. I was thinking-- would you like to listen to some cool music? I used to mix songs together when I was in college and nobody really ever listened to them, so you’re privileged.” 

Maddie grins and nods, taking the earbud Beca offers her.

She sticks around for half-an-hour, giving Chloe time to use the restroom and grab a coffee while she keeps Maddie company. As she walks out of the hospital, Beca pulls out her phone and brings it to her ear after selecting the right contact. 

“Hey. I need a favor.” 

Two days later, Beca finds herself heading back to the oncology floor. She knocks on Maddie’s open door, relieved to see her sitting up and looking overall better than she did on Beca’s last visit. 

“Beca!” She exclaims, grinning widely. 

“Hey you.” Her gaze flickers to Chloe, who too looks better. “Hey Chloe.” 

“Hi Beca. Thanks for stopping by,” Chloe says with a soft smile. 

“I’m not alone, actually,” she lets them know, craning her neck towards the door to signal for her guest to come in. 

Maddie gasps loudly, her eyes widening to the side of saucers. “Oh my god!” 

“Hey Maddie,” Shawn greets, grinning as he steps further inside. He’s got his guitar slung across his back. “How are you doing?” 

Maddie stutters, pulling a chuckle out of the three adults in the room. “Hi,” she eventually croaks out. “You’re Shawn Mendes. And you’re here. In my room.” 

Shawn lets out a soft laugh. “Beca told me you were meant to come see one of my shows last year but couldn’t make it because of your health, so here I am.” 

Maddie gapes, her gaze flicking back and forth between Shawn and Beca. “Mom, I think I need to be pinched.” 

“It’s all real, baby,” Chloe confirma, brushing a kiss to Maddie’s forehead. As Shawn gets settled in the chair by Maddie’s bed and fiddles with his guitar, she meets Beca’s eyes and mouths a thank you. 

Maddie has the biggest smile on her face for the following hour. Shawn plays her favorite songs, signs an autograph and they snap a ton of pictures together. Beca goes home with the biggest smile on her face as well, thrilled to have been able to make Maddie forget about her disease even for a short while. 

Beca goes back to work the following Monday as the chemo after effects have considerably lessened over the weekend. She’s still more tired than usual, but she feels like she can get some work done. On her way back home, she swings by the hospital to visit Maddie. 

She hangs out with her every evening after work for an hour, right before Maddie’s dinner is served. They talk about music and Beca brings her guitar because Maddie says she’s been wanting to learn. 

“Good job,” Beca says as Maddie successfully strums through her first song. “You’re really talented.” 

Maddie grins. “Thanks for the class.” 

“You’re welcome. I’ll leave the guitar here if you wanna practice some more during the day, okay?” 

Maddie nods. “Are you coming back tomorrow?” 

“You bet.” 

She’s reached the elevators when she hears her name being called, and spins around on her heels to find Chloe heading towards her. 

“I just wanted to thank you, for everything. Bringing Shawn Mendes here, giving her guitar lessons... “ Chloe sighs. “She doesn’t have many friends because she hasn’t been to school much and it’s nice for her to see other people than her lame mom all the time.” 

Beca smiles, shaking her head. “You don’t have to thank me. She’s a great kid, and I genuinely enjoy spending time with her. She made chemo a lot more fun than I thought it would be.” 

“I’m glad,” Chloe murmurs. “Do you… wanna grab coffee, maybe? Maddie kicked me out, telling me I should take a hospital break.” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

“Okay, great. I’ll go grab my coat.” 

They head to the Starbucks around the block as the coffee from the cafeteria sucks, settling at a small table in the corner. Beca orders a decaf and Chloe a hot chocolate. 

“How are you now that you’re done with chemo?” Chloe asks before blowing on her drink and taking a sip. 

“I’m okay. No more side effects except tiredness, but I’m glad to finally be able to work.” 

“That’s good.” 

“Maddie seems to be doing better?” 

Chloe nods as she cradles her mug. “Her test results have improved. I’m hoping she can be home for Christmas. She’s spent the holidays at the hospital last year and as much as the nurses and doctors do their best to make it merry, it’s just not the same.” 

“Yeah, I can imagine.” Beca hesitates for a beat. “Is it… just the two of you?” 

“Yeah. Her dad never wanted to be in the picture.” 

Beca’s eyes soften. “That must be tough, doing everything on your own.” 

“Some days are hard. I’m just-- so fucking tired,” her voice cracks and tears rapidly fill her eyes. She ducks her head. “Shit, I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize,” Beca rushes out, covering Chloe’s hand across the table before she can think twice about it. “It’s okay to cry. You’re stronger than you think, and you’re an incredible mom, Chloe.” 

“I’m terrified of losing her,” she whispers, those tears spilling down her cheeks. “She’s my whole life, and she doesn’t deserve any of this.” 

Beca doesn’t know what to say; no words seem powerful enough to alleviate Chloe’s pain. She squeezes Chloe’s hand, brushing her thumb over her knuckles back and forth. “No, she doesn’t.” 

“Gosh, I’m really sorry,” Chloe sniffles after a moment, puffing out a breath. “I guess I needed a good cry and you’re my victim.” 

“It really is okay, Chloe. Anytime you need to talk, I’m here, okay?” 

Chloe flips her hand up, wrapping her fingers around Beca’s. “Thank you. That means a lot.” 

As the next few weeks go by, Beca’s hair starts to grow back (she still wears a headscarf, and will do so until it thickens out), and her energy levels rise back to normal. Work gets busier but she tries to visit Maddie three times a week, usually going out for coffee with Chloe once out of those three times. They text a lot too throughout the week, sending each other memes or cute animal videos. 

Beca finds herself quickly developing a crush on Chloe over their sometimes hour-long conversations about their respective lives, charmed by her sunny personality, goofy sense of humor and both interior and exterior beauty. But she knows better than to do anything about her attraction, as Chloe is most likely not in any place to date right now, if she’s even into women at all. 

Maddie is allowed to spend Christmas at home, and Chloe asks Beca if she wants to spend it with them as she knows Beca doesn’t have anything specific planned. They spend the afternoon leading up to Christmas Eve building gingerbread houses and baking cookies while belting out Christmas tunes. 

(as if Beca needed anything else to fuel that crush of hers, it turns out Chloe sings beautifully.)

They eat a meal of Maddie’s choice --homemade burgers and fries-- and watch The Beauty and the Beast. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” Chloe tells her as she makes it back down after tucking Maddie in for the night. Beca started cleaning up in the meantime, having just finished up. 

“I know. It’s no big deal.” 

“Want another glass of wine?” Chloe asks, lifting the open bottle off the kitchen island. 

Beca should head home, but Chloe’s place is much warmer and cozier than her own and she loves hanging out there. She also can’t resist the opportunity of spending more quality time with Chloe. “Sure, why not.” 

“Tonight was really fun,” Chloe muses aloud as they settle back down on the couch, facing one another. “I’m so happy Maddie got to have a real Christmas this year.” 

“Me, too,” Beca murmurs. “It was really nice. And that’s coming from someone who’s not that into the holidays, so kudos to you.” 

Chloe throws her arms up in the air. “Yay! I did it!” 

“You’re a dork,” Beca says, a smirk curving her lips as she shakes her head. “Ugh, I’ve got All I Want For Christmas Is You stuck in my head, thanks to somebody.”

“It’s a good song!” 

Beca rolls her eyes. “It’s cheesy as fuck, dude.” 

Chloe’s giggle makes her heart swell. “Okay, it’s a little bit cheesy. So is the movie.” 

“Never seen it.” 

A judgemental gasp fills the space between them before Chloe backs away. “You’ve never seen Love Actually?” 

Beca purses her lips. “Are you gonna kick me out if I say yes?” 

Chloe’s up from the couch before she can blink. “We’re watching it now.” 

Beca’s about to protest, but she realizes it’s only 9:30pm and she doesn’t have to go to work tomorrow. “Fine.”

Chloe sets it up on Netflix and grabs a blanket, throwing it over her laps as she settles back down. Beca nearly forgets how to breathe when Chloe curls up against her, draping an arm over her waist. She frees her arm from in between their bodies and wraps it around Chloe’s frame, pulling her closer as the opening credits roll. 

“Keira Knightley was my first girl crush,” Chloe states moments later as the actress makes her first appearance on the screen. “Pirates of the Caribbean.”

“Haven’t seen it either.”

“Oh my god,” Chloe laughs, lifting her head from Beca’s shoulder to look at her. “You’re missing out.”

“Mmm,” Beca hums, her eyes momentarily dropping to Chloe’s lips before she can really help herself. She forces them back up to find Chloe’s own gaze on her mouth and, following a beat of hesitation, reaches up to cup her cheek tenderly, leaning in to press a soft kiss to her lips. 

Chloe melts into it, her own hand coming up to rest on the side of Beca’s neck as she kisses back in kind. Time seems to suspend as they explore in soft brushes and nips, their bubble bursting when Chloe abruptly pulls away.

“I’m— I’m sorry,” she whispers, covering her mouth with her hand. “You don’t want that.”

Beca blinks, furrowing her brow. “What?”

“You deserve someone that can be all in, not…” she waves a hand towards herself. “Not this mess. My life is so complicated right now.”

“I know,” Beca says softly, covering Chloe’s hand with her own. “I know your sole focus is Madison, and I’d never hold your lack of time for me against you. I honestly— didn’t even think you’d feel the same way.”

Chloe’s eyes flutter shut for a few beats. “I like you a lot, Beca. I just… can’t promise you more than day to day right now.”

“We can do day to day,” Beca murmurs reassuringly. “There’s no pressure on my end, alright?”

Chloe contemplates it for a moment. “Okay.” She leans in to kiss Beca gently, resting her forehead against hers. “Okay.”

They fall asleep in front of the movie, eventually shuffling up to Chloe’s bedroom around midnight as Chloe states it’s too late for Beca to head home. 

Come morning, Beca takes care of breakfast while a nurse stops by to take Maddie’s vitals and do some injections. They open presents next as Maddie is too excited to wait until after breakfast. Beca got her a few books and a VIP ticket to Ariana Grande’s next show in a couple weeks. She got Chloe a full day spa package for whenever she’d like, insisting she could spend the day with Maddie. 

“For you,” Maddie says, extending a small package towards Beca. 

“You didn’t have to get me anything, dude.” She takes the gift nonetheless, opening it to find a rainbow themed friendship bracelet. Beca grins, taking it out. “I love it. Never taking it off.”

The New Year brings good news: Maddie’s health improves enough that she’s discharged from the hospital, and Beca is clear from any cancer, the chemotherapy having worked tremendously. They celebrate Maddie coming home and Beca being cancer free around a homemade dinner at Chloe’s house. 

“Are you guys together?” Maddie blurts out halfway through dinner, causing Beca to nearly choke on her piece of bread. 

She and Chloe haven’t engaged in any sort of PDA around Maddie as Chloe wants to take it slow, but something must have given them away. 

Maybe the heart eyes Beca gives Chloe on a daily basis. 

She briefly meets Chloe’s gaze before Chloe focuses on her daughter, a soft, albeit slight nervous smile curving her lips. “We are, yeah. Is that okay?” 

Maddie nods. “You look happy, Mommy.” 

Beca feels her heart swell, and as Maddie goes back to her food, she leans across the distance between herself and Chloe to kiss her cheek. 

Something tells her this is going to be a great year. 

Over the following months, she, Chloe and Maddie do plenty of activities together now that Maddie is healthy enough. They go ice skating, attend concerts, bake, have movie marathons. Beca falls so quickly in love with Chloe, it’s kind of scary. 

They’re even talking about moving in together when Maddie relapses. 

She’s admitted into the ICU after contracting pneumonia, and the tests show that her number of white blood cells is higher than it’s ever been. 

“Where’s Mommy?” Maddie asks tiredly, twisting her head to look at Beca. 

It’s been a week, and the light has already left Maddie’s eyes. 

Chloe hasn’t gotten much sleep over the last few days, afraid that Maddie might pass during the night, on her own. 

“She went to the bathroom, sweetie. Want me to go get her?” 

When Maddie nods, Beca shakily rises to her feet and swallows down the lump in her throat as she leans over to press a kiss to Maddie’s forehead. 

Beca doesn’t step back inside Maddie’s room once Chloe is in there, preferring to give them privacy. She calls for a nurse, then sits down on a chair in the hallway, tears silently sliding down her cheeks when Chloe starts to sing. 

Her heart crumbles when the song doesn’t make it to the end, sobs filling Maddie’s hospital room instead. She hears the doctor pronounce the time of death, and the machines stop. 

Night has fallen over the city by the time Beca finds the courage to step inside. Chloe is curled up on the bed next to Maddie’s lifeless body, and Beca freezes in the doorway, feeling absolutely powerless against Chloe’s immense grief. 

“Her skin is still warm,” Chloe croaks out after a minute, her gaze blank as she strokes Maddie’s short hair back and forth. 

Beca pads forward slowly, tears burning her eyes as she lowers herself on the chair Chloe previously occupied and covers her free hand with her own. 

“I can’t let them take her away. It’s too soon, I-I can’t.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Beca whispers, her voice nowhere within reach. “Take all the time you need, they won’t take her away until you’re ready.”

Chloe’s parents, whom Beca has met a couple times over the previous week arrive only a few minutes later, and Beca suddenly feels out of place. 

She quietly slips out of the room to let them say goodbye to Maddie in peace. 

Madison’s funeral takes place five days later. It’s a beautiful day, graced with unexpected warmth for the season. Beca stands a couple rows behind Chloe’s family. She helps Chloe’s parents out during the wake following the ceremony, setting out the food and washing the dishes. 

As people shuffle out at the end of the afternoon, Beca is unsure what to do. She’s wiping the last of the dishes when Aubrey, Chloe’s best friend, rounds the corner to the kitchen. 

“Thank you for your help today,” she says with a nod. “I’ll finish up here.” 

Beca gets the message that she’s not needed anymore and nods, setting the dish towel down. “Oh. Right, okay.” 

She gathers her coat and purse and sees that Chloe is speaking to her parents on her way out, and as she doesn’t want to intrude, steps out without a word. 

“Beca.” She turns around halfway down the driveway to find Chloe closing the front door of her house behind her. “You don’t have to leave.” 

“Well, um, you’re with your family and...” she falters, shrugging. “I just didn’t want to intrude.” 

She hates how it sounds like she’s making this about herself when it’s the last thing she wants to do. 

“Can you stay?” Chloe croaks out. “I’d really like it if you stayed.” 

“Of course,” she murmurs without an ounce of hesitation, taking a few steps forward and wrapping her arms around Chloe. Chloe melts into her body, releasing a shuddering breath. “I’ve got you, Chlo.” 

The next days, weeks, months are extremely hard for Chloe, and Beca helps in whatever way she can. While she can’t make Chloe’s grief less intense, as much as she wants to, she can take care of things that will make her daily life easier, like taking care of the administrative paperwork following Maddie’s funeral, sending out thank-you notes, making dinner, cleaning and just being there for her. 

She holds Chloe when she cries, even if it happens in the middle of the night, gives her space when she needs some, listens to her when she needs to talk about Maddie, even if it’s a story she’s already heard. 

“Chlo?” Beca asks upon coming home one evening, about four months after Maddie’s death. She’s been staying at Chloe’s house ever since, and while they haven’t really talked about it, Beca wants it to become a permanent installment, and she’s got the inkling Chloe feels the same way. 

“In the kitchen,” Chloe’s voice carries to the entryway and, after taking her shoes off and tucking them away, Beca heads over to the kitchen, slipping her arms around Chloe’s waist. 

“Hello,” she whispers with a content sigh, brushing a kiss to Chloe’s neck. “Missed you.” 

“Missed you, too. How was your day?” 

“Good.” She takes a step back and hops on the counter, watching Chloe cook for a moment. She hasn’t done that since before Maddie’s relapse and Beca takes it as one small step towards healing. “Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

Chloe lowers the heat under her pot and steps in front of Beca. “What’s up?” 

“A few months ago, I pitched the idea to Shawn about organizing a concert in memory of Maddie, where all proceeds would go to funding leukemia research.” 

Chloe’s eyes get misty as she proceeds Beca’s words. “You did? What-what did he say?” 

“He agreed. Now we need to work on finding a venue with a limited budget, but I wanted to make sure you were okay with the idea in the first place.”

Chloe slides her hand into Beca’s, squeezing it. “Of course I am. You’re amazing, you know that? I can’t begin to explain how grateful I am for you these past few months.”

Beca leans in to kiss her softly. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” Chloe backs away a little. “I also need to talk to you about something.”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think I can live here anymore. Everything I see reminds me of Maddie one way or another and it feels like I’m in a continuous loop of grief all day long. I wanna go back to work and— and find a new place to live, in a different neighborhood. With you, preferably.”

Beca smiles and nods, linking their fingers. “Okay, we can do that. Wanna start looking now?”

They find themselves a place in a quiet Brooklyn neighborhood and move in a month later. The concert for Maddie is sold out, and they raise close to $10,000 dollars for medical research. Almost a year after the funeral, Chloe asks Beca if she’d come with her to Oregon to spread Maddie’s ashes near her favorite beach. 

They fly there the following weekend, and Chloe bids her daughter a final goodbye.

“Mommy loves you, baby girl,” she croaks as they watch the ashes being swept away by the wind towards the ocean. 

Beca presses her lips to her hairline, holding her around the waist as tears burn behind her eyes. 

She proposes to Chloe six months later, and they get married in Chloe’s parents’ backyard on a lovely fall day, in an intimate ceremony surrounded by their family and close friends. Two years into their marriage, Chloe brings up a topic Beca has been putting off for a little while. 

That evening, Beca finds her wife on the couch with Maddie’s box opened in front of her. She’s flipping through Maddie’s baby book, a fond expression on her features. 

“That was her first time tasting lemon,” she says when Beca lowers herself next to her, wrapping an arm around her frame as Chloe cuddles into her side. 

“That’s adorable,” Beca comments with a soft smile, her eyes moving to the next picture as her fingers feather up and down Chloe’s upper arm. 

Chloe’s been going down memory lane the past few days, opening up the box that contains all the things she wanted to keep: Maddie’s plush dinosaur, a few Mother’s Day gifts she’d made Chloe, her favorite children’s book and of course plenty of photo albums. 

Her grief comes in waves. Beca knows the loss of her child is not something she’ll ever ‘move on’ from, or ‘get over’. The ache is still present, some days more suffocating than others, and Beca does her best to help her through those. 

“Do you ever think about having kids?” 

Chloe’s question makes Beca briefly pause in her motions. “I do, yeah. But it’s okay if that’s not something you’re ever ready for, I promise.” 

“Up until a few months ago, I thought that having another one would come across as though I’m trying to replace Maddie and I felt guilty. But my therapist helped me through it and... I do want to have a baby with you someday.” Chloe glances up from the album, looking at Beca. “I think-- I think I might be ready, soon?” 

“Okay.” Cupping Chloe’s cheek, Beca leans forward to brush a kiss to her lips. “I love you.”

Oliver Beale-Mitchell comes into the world a year and a half later, four days past his due date. 

“Hello,” Chloe whispers as she walks back to Beca, carrying their swaddled newborn. She lowers herself on the side of the bed. “He’s so beautiful, Becs.” 

A tired yet beaming smile spreads across Beca’s lips as she reaches out to run her thumb over his knuckles, leaning her head against Chloe’s shoulder. Her heart feels full. “Hi little man.” She glances up at Chloe. “You okay?” 

“Yeah,” Chloe croaks out, seemingly unable to tear her gaze away from their bundle of joy. She bends down to brush a kiss to his forehead. “Welcome to the world, Olliebear.” 

#bechloe fic #bechloe

[generallybarzy]

smile like sunshine v

Wednesday: ~8.2k

previous chapters: i // ii // iii // iv

an: Here it is!!! Sorry it took so long, I had stuff going on and started a new job and everything, but I think the final product is worth the wait. From here on out there’s gonna be a warning for nsfw stuff and lowkey smut (no spoilers though). Buckle up kiddos. @thirteenisles thanks for proofreading this!!!!!

summary: It’s your 21st birthday, and you want to spend some alone time with Mat! As the days of your trip keep rolling by, it becomes harder and harder to suppress the fantasies, the feelings you had towards him: desire, longing, lust, love. It’s getting harder and harder to fight your feelings, and even the alcohol doesn’t do much to help you ignore Mat. In fact, the alcohol might have made it worse...

It’s 2019, exactly eleven years after your tenth birthday, and Mat is determined to make this year even better than before.

The first thing you felt was his lips on yours.  

You’d remember the softness, the care, for years to come, maybe even- dare you say- for the rest of your life. They were so gentle, so caring, moving against yours, pushing and pulling like the tides, while his fingers grazed across your jaw and his big hands cupping your face to pull you deeper into his mouth; to mold your face- your body- against his.

When you pulled back to take a breath, you caught a glimpse of his eyes, kind and searching, filled with questions he’d never ask. You wanted to ask what was wrong, you wanted to get him to spill his words, spill his heart in front of you, but your throat closed up and no words came. Instead, you were back on his mouth with more desperate longing than before- filling the hole of unspoken words with passion and need. His mouth was inviting, caressing, and warm, his lips hopeful and confident against yours. But when the kiss was broken and you leaned back to look at the face cradled between your palms, something struck you.

There was nothing familiar about this face. In fact, there were no distinguishing features at all. What color were his eyes? What did his hair look like? Who was this? You couldn’t say. All you could tell was what it felt like to have his mouth on yours.

The breeze ruffled your hair, the waves crashed on the beach, and finally, you could hear his voice:

“Baby.” There it was, the familiarity, the warmth of his words, and the soothingness of his voice oozing over you, making your heart sickly sweet and saccharine. “Baby.” He repeated it over and over again, and you could listen to him say it over and over again, marveling at how right it sounded coming from his lips. The effect he had on you with just his voice- his mere presence even- would never cease to amaze you.

And there he was.

“Mat.” You reached for him, only hoping your voice had the same effect on him that he had on you.

He reached for you, and his touch ignited fires along your skin, both hot and cold where his fingertips grazed along your arm.

You touched his chest, slid your hand across tight pectorals and down, down to the taut muscles of his abdomen. If you’ve ever seen anyone built like a Greek God, it was him. Golden and built, he was never one to brag, though he certainly had plenty to brag about. His smile- gleaming white, perfect and teasing, always able to make your heart flutter- had your knees giving out beneath you, but he caught you with his strong, waiting arms. His words, smooth and sweet like honey, coated your body and had your clothes all but sliding off of your body on their own. His big hands had you squirming and begging silently with pleading eyes, as he kneaded and caressed your skin with touches at the same time overwhelmingly gentle and rough. And he happily obliged to your begging. The ‘V’ at his hips made your body flutter in need, made you giddy and excited. You knew what lay beyond, that ‘V’, and you knew how good it would feel when you finally connected. When you finally found each other and nodded your consent to have him sink against you, foreheads touching and breath mingling. When you finally became one being together.

You were weightless, floating in the air together as he held you against him, your bodies molding together perfectly, pushing and pulling with you, rocking breathlessly with each other. There was no desperation, no rush- you had each other and you had time, all the time in the world- and he was hot and heavy and slow inside of you. And with your bodies molded into each other tightly, you were able to push and pull steadily, all the way to the end, when sweat beaded on your foreheads, your breath came out in short pants against each other’s mouths, your hands tangled together and through each other’s hair, and your hearts glowed, complete and absolutely ready to let go together.

“(Y/N).”

“Mat.”

“(Y/N)?” He kept saying it, over and over, until his lips froze in place and his questioning face began to fade from your view, his hands dissolving from your body, leaving you empty and alone and on the edge, with his voice rumbling through your ear. “(Y/N), (Y/N), (Y/N).”

You opened your eyes.

“(Y/N). Hey, wake up, birthday girl!”

You groaned, rolling over and pulling the pillow over your face, trying your hardest to ignore the dull throbbing in your core. Right there? He had to wake you up right there? Fuck, it felt so real. You could practically feel his hands, feel his body beneath your fingers, feel his- “C’mon, we’ve got stuff to do today, sleepyhead!”

You couldn’t even look at him after that dream. That dream of your best friend kissing you, touching you, loving you. He had looked so real, he had felt so real. How could you just go about your day as if you hadn’t dreamt of that? As if you hadn’t felt that? God, he had no idea, did he? You pulled the pillow away, and there he was.

Just as beautiful as always.

He was sitting cross-legged at the foot of your bed, toying with the edge of your sheets. His skin had tanned gorgeously in the past days and looked so golden and warm to the touch, his hair falling dark and wavy onto his forehead until he reached up and pushed it back. The way his fingers slid so smoothly through the black locks just proved they were as soft as you’d always suspected, and it was an internal battle to not reach up and let your hands glide through them yourself. His hazel eyes locked with yours with a mischievous gleam, and you were so caught up in the golden brown-green mix that you didn’t even catch the little smirk on his moving lips.

“Hey, sleepyhead, focus.”

“‘S’too early…”

“It’s nine o’clock.” He laughed and dodged the pillow you’d thrown. “Hey, you’re finally twenty-one! We can drink together tonight!”

“Stupid U.S. drinking age…”

He laughed again. Ever since the first time you reconnected with him in that bar last year, he’d always teased you about still being a year too young to drink with him. “C’mon, I’m taking you out today.”

“To drink?”

“Not yet, that happens later. First, I’ve got stuff planned for the next few hours. We’re going to the boardwalk, for old time’s sake.” Out of seemingly nowhere, he grabbed the cute outfit he’d bought for you your first day here and tossed it towards you. “Get dressed, let’s go recreate some memories!” It took everything in you not to stare when he stood up to leave and you realized he was only wearing boxer briefs with his tee-shirt.

Fuck, you were gonna have to drink a lot tonight to forget about that dream…

You had celebrated your birthday with Mat once before, when you were turning ten years old. Even back then, you realized, Mat had always made it his job to hype you up and make sure you had the best day possible.

You woke up on the morning of your tenth birthday to knocking at the back door of your family’s beach house, and when your parents called you to the door he greeted you with a big, bright smile. His smile. A smile like sunshine. “Happy birthday! You hit double digits! We’re doing whatever you want all day!”

That wasn’t entirely true, you knew even as a child. You would’ve been content hanging out with him on the beach and not doing anything birthday related, but what he wanted for you was so much more than what you wanted for yourself.  

After hanging out for only a week so far, this boy already wanted the best for you.

“Please, please!” Mat tugged at his mom’s sleeve, whining and begging until he got her attention. He was stubborn but cute, and it wasn’t hard for him to get his way. His mom was talking with yours and watching Mat’s younger sister, and your mom was holding one of your younger siblings in her arms. Both his parents and yours seemed to have their attention on the younger children rather than the two of you, but that was fine because you had each other. “We wanna go to the boardwalk! It’s (Y/N)’s  birthday, we wanna do something!”

The parents exchanged glances- finally looking down to you and Mat- and it didn’t take long for them to cave. The boardwalk- with all its carnival games and snacks and beautiful view of the ocean- would be fun for all the kids, they decided.

You and Mat shouted in excitement as you walked hand in hand together, gleeful and carefree, smiling as bright as the sun and pointing at rides you wanted to go on and games you wanted to play. You had the whole day to yourselves, it seemed, even though your parents were only feet behind you, watching the two of you skip next to the ocean, hand in hand and eating ice cream, squealing when it started to melt in the sun and racing each other to finish first before it dripped all over your hands.

They knew how much you cared for each other- it was cute- and if you two were any older it could’ve been a problem, but luckily that wasn’t the case.

If only you could be that carefree and innocent for the rest of your life.

Now, at 21 years old, it was obvious Mat still cared that much for you, and set higher standards for everyone around you than you set for them yourself. He was always the one to correct people if they were wrong about something you wanted or something you ordered, and was the first to tell you when he suspected someone had less than decent intentions at a bar. He always asked if you were having fun when you were all out with friends, and he always kept a watchful eye on you. He always wanted you to be alright. He always wanted everything to be perfect for you.

You were sure he was just taking his place of being the big brother you never had, but part of your hopeless romantic mind- that you constantly shook away- hoped it meant more.

"Oh, woah, I haven't been here in a long time." You watched Mat's cute face as he glanced around, squinting his pretty hazel eyes in the sunshine from beneath his hat. The boardwalk that had been the sight of yours and Mat’s childhood summer all those years ago was a long, wooden walkway, running parallel to the beach and bordered on the other side with food vendors and touristy gift shops, and once you walked far enough, one end was filled with carnival-like games and rides that had been plenty of fun when you were children. "It hasn't changed much since we were kids, has it?"

"No, not really."

“It’s like we stepped back in time.” You watched him reach two fingers up to tuck a loose strand of dark hair into his hat, mesmerized with how gentle his touches were. He had a small, gentle smile on his face, seeming completely at peace and calm. Spending the past few days in the humidity and salty air had his hair all fluffy and just begging you to touch them and he was currently sporting some really cute, short, beachy waves that suited him so well. His skin had tanned gorgeously and you really weren’t sure how you were going to last three more days with him.

Only three more days? You could’ve sworn you just got here. Fuck, time seemed to pass so quickly whenever you were here, whenever you were with Mat. Only need to ignore him for three more days, (Y/N). you thought to yourself. Only three more days, and then you can forget about this silly crush. No use in ruining a great friendship for the sake of some summer fling.

You shook away the thoughts and decided to focus on the moment, to make every second with him count before you were back to work and Mat was back to practice and games and his other friends. “So, what do you have planned for me?”

Mat had been watching you think, wondering what it was that had you scrunching your face up so cutely like that, before he heard the words leave your lips. “Actually, it’s right here. I was searching up things we could do together here and this sounded perfect…” The smile in his voice made you nervous- there was barely a moment with him where he played it safe, and he was never one to back away from challenges, so you could only guess what he had in store. But you didn’t have much time to guess before the roller skate rental booth came into sight.

“No way, Mat.”

“Yep.” He popped the ‘P’, pulling out his wallet. “Remember the first time we met up in that coffee shop, the day after you found me? When you dared me to teach you how to skate?”

You did.

You had been sitting by the window with your drink, giddy and excited over everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. A simple hockey game with your roommate had turned into a reunification with your friend from ten years ago, who had obviously made it big places in his life since then. Despite the joy and relief you felt after finally knowing who he was and knowing he still remembered you, you were nervous about the thought of reconnecting with Mat- what if he was a dick, or tried to hit on you, or was just… different? He certainly couldn’t be the same as he was ten years ago, after all the awards and trophies and high expectations, all the fans wearing his jersey and all the merch with his name on it. That type of attention gets to your head and changes people, doesn’t it? Then Mat sat down across from you, and, at his appearance, you set your phone down and looked up at him with an adorable awestruck smile Mat could still remember to this day. “Holy shit, Mat, I googled you last night.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I mean, I don’t want to seem creepy, but I just figured out one of my childhood best friends turned into this huge NHL star, how could I resist it?”

“Star?” He smiled from where he sat across from you, running a hand through his hair. “Damn, you really shouldn’t have. Now you probably think I’m a pretentious dick. I’m not really that big and famous.”

The way he waved his hand and pushed away any thought that he was this big, grand all star and kept his humility made you smile. “Um, I‘m sure you are. You’re like, a big name in hockey right now, aren’t you? I watched some game highlights of you. I don’t understand a lot about hockey, but I’m pretty sure other people know what they're talking about- like my roommate who brought me to the game last night- and they seemed to be really impressed with you. Apparently you’re only expected to get better, too” He only shrugged, smiling. He knew he was good, sure, but to hear you compliment him like this was making him so unbelievably happy. You were proud of him, and that made a certain nostalgic part of his heart glow.

“Well, I told back then I was gonna make it, didn’t I? Guess I was right.“

“Yeah, you were.” You took a moment to let it sink in that you were here with Mat again, after all these years. And in that moment, it felt like you were ten again, sitting across from Mat and sharing secrets at the picnic table on the beach while your families chatted and made lunch. Time passed by much too quickly, you decided, and you wanted to make every second with him count. “I don’t know how much this means to you- since we barely know each other and all- but I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah? Good.”

“I don’t understand how you can just… well, first of all, skate so damn well and then also do all that fancy stuff with the puck at the same time. The only time I tried to skate, it was bad. Like, really ugly.”

“Oh yeah?” A laugh bubbled from his lips, one that would have your knees shaking had you not been sitting down. “Guess I’ll have to teach you sometime, how about that?” Mat had a flirtatious tone in his voice that made your cheeks warm, very obviously asking you out again, but back then you had either ignored or been oblivious to it, thinking it was only a friendly suggestion.

“I dare you.”

“Ooh, okay, bet. Challenge accepted.”

“Yeah? Good luck, I’m pretty unteachable when it comes to that.”

“I promise, once I’m done with you, you’ll be a star.” He laughed, a playful gleam in his eyes as he added a final sentence. “Just like me.”

“Shit, I did dare you to give me skating lessons, didn’t I?”

“Well, since I can’t exactly teach you to ice skate out here, might as well try this, right? Rollerblades are the closest thing.” He turned to the man behind the counter and handed him the money for the rentals before coming back and handing you your pair.

“So of all the things we could do on my birthday, you decided to put me through misery?”

He laughed at your joking dramatics. “Yeah, absolutely. Tough love, right?”

If someone had told you a year ago that you’d be learning to skate with an NHL star, you would have laughed in their face. You? Skating? That just wasn’t something that happened. But you weren’t gonna lie, ever since the moment Mat promised to teach you, you’d been fantasizing about this moment. Mat’s big hands on your waist, your hips, in your hands, pushing and pulling you along and steadying you so you wouldn’t fall. You, tripping and falling into his chest and laughing with him as he held you up. Making soft eye contact as you leaned up and smiled into a kiss against his lips-

“(Y/N).” You snapped out of your thoughts to look at Mat. Obviously, his legs were accustomed to skating after years and years of playing hockey, and he was already rollerblading in circles in front of you, absolutely amazing at it and completely in his comfort zone. Shit, his legs were so strong and thick and hot… “You can’t exactly learn to skate while sitting there, ya know.”

You caught the glint of amusement in Mat’s hazel eyes and rose to your feet, wobbly and off-balance and already almost falling. “Well then help me out a bit. Not everyone’s a star like you.”

“Not yet.”

His hands fell heavily onto your hips, so big and strong that it seemed as if he could break you with only a touch, and he steadied you against him- body to hard body- until you stopped shaking and were balanced evenly on the ground. Then, his hands slid off of you and he backed away, taking your hands in his. You felt so small, so delicate and fragile compared to him, and the way his hands could easily encase yours made you feel so safe, and you once again found yourself trusting him to do absolutely anything.

“Okay, come on. Just like you’re walking, but…” His words glided over you like honey, thick and smooth in the warm air, and you could barely focus on what he was saying, too caught up in the way it felt to hold his hand and the way he looked down at you and had you weak in the knees. Your mind floated back to your dream last night, still vivid and so, so realistic in your head. The way he touched you, caressed you, the way his thick fingers dug into your hips to tug you closer to him, the way he held your hand and locked eyes with you… “You’re doing good so far.”  

“Yeah, until you let go of me.”

“Well, then I guess I just won’t.”

And he didn’t.

The two of you skated and laughed in the sunshine for what felt like forever, and you decided quickly that if you ever needed to go to a happy place in your mind, it would be right here, right now, rollerblading face to face with Mat, his hands holding you steady, his eyes on you as he skated backwards. “You’re doing great, damn, you’re not that hard to teach, actually.” He kept complimenting you, only adding to the red in your cheeks. How dare he go around looking so cute and complimenting you so nicely? He certainly wasn’t helping your growing feelings. Can’t he have just one flaw? Just one deal breaker so this stupid crush could be over with?

Without warning, Mat let go of your hands, leaving you to panic and stumble. “Mat, what the hell!” You grabbed for his arm frantically as you started to lose your balance.

“Just wanted to see how you’d fare on your own. C’mon, I know you can do it without my help.” He left his spot in front of you and came to your side, smiling down at you and delicately peeling your arms off of him.

“No, no at least hold my hand, Mat.”

“Alright. But I'm not pulling you anymore. You’re better than you think.” He wrapped one hand around yours, your forearms resting against each other in a gentle embrace and his face warmed up at the simple contact. Fuck, he would gladly hold your hand forever if he could. If that’s what you wanted. Maybe all this had all just subconsciously been an elaborate plan to allow him to hold your hand. “There you go. See, you’re great!”

“Define great.”

He laughed, and the two of you continued your little trip down the boardwalk. It wasn’t long before you hit the carnival area, where there were rides and games and food stands and prizes to win, and you were quickly reminded how childish Mat could be, as you watched his eyes dart around in glee, pointing out all the different things you could do. “Oooh, you want me to win you a big ass teddy bear?”

“No, Mat.”

“What about a fish?”

“No, Mat, I’m fine! Having you here is enough of a present.”

Mat’s heart almost burst at your little compliment, and he smiled for a moment, his face turning pink. His hand squeezed around yours in acknowledgment, a tiny thank you, an ‘I feel the same way’. ”Why don’t you make it over to that bench without my help and then we’ll rest for a little, alright?” Mat had to physically restrain himself from adding “baby” to the end of his sentence. No, he couldn’t call you that. Not out loud. Not yet.

“Alright, I’ll try.”

Yeah, you were actually pretty good at rollerblading now. Well, not pretty good, but you were good enough to do it by yourself. You just really, really wanted to hold Mat’s hand. “Whew! You’re actually not as bad a student as you told me.” Mat laughed and pulled you into a celebratory hug with a little cheer when you made it to the bench.

“Well, you’re a pretty good teacher, Maty.”

“How about we finish this lesson later? Let’s get you some ice cream as a reward for going through that for my amusement? For old time’s sake?”

“Yeah, I absolutely deserve ice cream. You think you still remember my favorite flavor?.” Mat’s face lit up at the suggestion of a challenge- though you’d been half joking. He was never one to shy away from dares.  

“Ooh, okay, bet. Stay here. I’ll get them for us.” Before you could even open your mouth and insist you pay for your share, he was holding up a hand to shut you up. “Yes, I’m paying for you. It’s your birthday, let me treat you.”

“Alright, fine, fine.” You held up your hands in mock surrender. “And don’t worry. I’ll eat whatever flavor you get me, even if it’s wrong.”

“It won’t be wrong. Trust me.”

And oh, you trusted him.

So you sat and stared after him, caught in a trance as he rolled so gracefully to where the line was and watching from a distance at the way his lips moved when he talked- wondering how they would feel against your own, if it would feel the same as it did in your dream- the way they curled up at the ends in a polite little smile when he was handed the two cones. When he finally came back over to you, asking “Did I get it right, (Y/N)?” and watching your reaction, something else caught your eyes: the familiar pink hue of his ice cream.

“Oh my god, Mat!” His face twisted momentarily into a worried expression, but lightened up into a smile when he heard the laughter bubbling onto your lips. “I can’t believe you still get bubblegum ice cream!”

He let out his own laugh, sitting down next to you and handing you your cone. "Hey! Don't diss it 'till you try it!"

"No, I did try it! I tried it because of you, remember?” A vivid memory popped into Mat’s head of the two of you, sitting very close to this exact spot and licking the ice cream off of your hands as it melted in the sun. You had begged him to try it, intrigued by the colorful look and the fact that you’d never heard of this flavor before, and he happily swapped cones with you until your parents realized and scolded the two of you about germs. “I’m just pretty sure you're the only grown man I know who would admit to liking that flavor.”

“Yeah? Well, they just don’t know how fucking delicious it is.”

You smiled at the ground, at how unbelievable it was that you still remembered all these small, seemingly insignificant details about him after so many years. From the first picture you saw of him when you recognized the gleam of his hazel eyes, the way his lips moved when he smiled, to this very moment that had you looking back at the first days of your friendship, you realized you still remembered things about him that you couldn’t even remember about your closest friends. His favorite flavor of ice cream, every little nervous tick, the way he constantly fidgeted his hands and scratched his face, every little quirk of his. “It’s actually been a while since I had that, you know.”

“Yeah? Well, maybe I have to remind you what it tastes like.”

“Maybe you do.”

“Only if you let me try yours again.”

So Mat extended his arm for you and you extended yours, and the way you locked eyes with a mischievous smile before licking each other’s ice cream cones felt way, way too intimate for what was just a simple cute gesture that you’d done as kids.

Some things never change, but your feelings sure do.

The walk back home was fun- as everything was when Mat was there- fun and nostalgic. Your conversation focused mainly on the summer you met, how much fun you had, and how much you changed. You’d never been one to celebrate your birthday, not with a party anyway, but obviously, Mat wanted more for you than you wanted for yourself, so the second you stepped back into the house, smiling and laughing, mid-conversation with Mat, you were startled.

“Surprise!”

“Holy shit.”

The house had been decorated- it was simple, but still memorable- with generic birthday decorations and balloons, much like the party you’d had at ten years old, when the only person you could celebrate with was Mat. Your family was standing around the table, where there were chips, ice cream, cake and- of course- alcohol. You glanced over at Mat, who had that classic, cheeky grin across his face. Of course he would.

“Happy twenty-first!”

“Come on, birthday girl!” Your dad lit the candles on the cake. “Come make a wish.”

And wish you did. You closed your eyes and let out a breath and you wished for Mat’s hands in yours, Mat’s lips on yours, Mat’s body against yours, Mat’s heart loving yours. You wished for Mat.

“Alright, are you guys gonna let me drink today or what?”

Your family laughed as they dug into the cake and motioned to the alcoholic drinks set out on the table and you picked up a random bottle- some sort of flavored vodka?- but Mat came up from where he had been lingering behind you and took the drink out of your hands. “Let me mix something up for you that’s actually tasty, alright? You want your first time to be a good one, right?”

You tried to ignore the shiver that crept up your spine at his words, and having him so close behind you. “Ooh, you know how to mix drinks? A man of many talents.”

“Well, I know a few.” He gathered up some ingredient that you were sure he sent your parents to get while the two of you were gone. “I can make you something that tastes good, but if you drink enough it will have you fucked up beyond recognition by tonight. If you’re okay with that, anyway.”

You laughed. You were never the type to get fucked up drunk, but Mat made you brave, he made you adventurous, so why not? Anyway, you had spent the entire day lingering on the memories of your dream last night and blushing at whatever he did, so you needed to forget about this stupid crush and loosen up around him again. “Alrighty, Barzal. Fuck me up."

“I promise.”

Mat felt so nervous about getting you drunk tonight. Sure, it’s your twenty-first birthday and you were asking him to and he couldn’t wait to see what you were like drunk, but he also knew part of him was going to feel so guilty the next morning when you were hungover, and he didn’t want anything to happen to you. So he promised himself he was going to stay sober and keep an eye on you at all times tonight and make sure you’re alright. What kind of a friend would he be otherwise?

As Mat got to work mixing up a drink for you and shooed you out of the kitchen with a piece of birthday cake, you sat down on the back porch with your mom, looking out to the ocean and eating your cake in silence as she flipped through a book.

“That Mathew is quite the boy.”

“He is.”

“He’s always been this sweet to you, hasn’t he? Since you were nine.”

“Yeah. He’s pretty great.”

“You like him?” You glanced over to where your mom was smirking at you from her chair and heaved out a frustrated groan.

“Mom, I can be friends with a guy without being in love with them, you know.” And yeah, you could have male friends without being in love with them, but… Mat was an exception to that. He was the one male friend that you had less than platonic feelings for. Not that you’d admit it to her.

“Alright, alright.” She held up her hands in mock surrender and laughed. “But I’m just saying-”

“Mom, don’t-”

“-He’s much nicer to you than any of your past boyfriends were.” You went silent then, and you knew your mom had won the conversation. Yeah, Mat was better to you than any of your exes. Whether that was saying something about how bad your exes were of how good Mat is, you couldn’t be sure. No, your exes hadn’t been that bad. “I wonder if Mat would like to see these photos.”

“What photos?” You glanced over to what she was looking at and finally noticed the photo album from 2008. “Woah, look at us!”

There on the page in front of you were four of the many pictures of you and Mat as children. Obviously you had been the closest of friends, as there were hardly any pictures of either of you alone that summer. If you were there, Mat was there, and if Mat was there, you were there. That’s how it had gone that week. How your parents had ever managed to separate the two of you at the end of the week to drive home was beyond you. Your eyes lingered for a moment longer and the picture of the two of you standing in front of the sandcastle you’d built on the first day you met. Mat’s arm was over your shoulder, and yours over his, and he was smiling that same smile he had today, the one that was impossible to not smile back to. You felt as if you had been sucked back in time, and didn’t realize you were staring at the picture until you heard the door open and close.

“I got your drink.”

“Mat, you gotta look at these with me!” Your mom got up to leave the two of you alone, and you didn’t miss the smirk on her face before she disappeared into the house.

“No way, that’s us?” Mat sat down next to you, way, way too close for friends, practically pressing against your side. “We’re so young.”

“Yeah.”

“Damn. We were really close, huh?” And you were really close right now, too, sitting with your arms and thighs touching, half of his chest against your back. You scooted to the side a bit to make more room for him, but he stayed where he was, leaning over your shoulder to look at the pictures. “We’re still pretty close, aren’t we? I mean, in the last year or so we’ve really reconnected. I’d say you’re one of my best friends now.”

Best friends, best friends, best friends. That’s all you were, and that’s all you would stay. But that was alright with you, as long as you could still see him every day. “Aww, Mat. You’re not allowed to make me emotional on my birthday!”

“Sorry, sorry.” He smiled and had your heart fluttering in your chest. “Hey, hey, try your drink.” He handed you the glass and watched with a smile as you tasted it. “Is it good?”

“Yeah, it is actually. Is there even any alcohol in this? I can barely taste it.”

“Oh, yeah. After this, you’ll definitely be getting tipsy, trust me.”

“Great, thank you so much, Maty. But can we go on a walk when that happens? I don’t need my family to have blackmail of me.”

He laughed again, tossing a big arm over your shoulders and looking back to the pictures. “Anything for you.”

A few hours later, after the obligatory singing of the “Happy Birthday'' song and after you had eaten your pizza delivery for dinner, when you were sipping slowly on your second drink and were beginning to feel it, you and Mat walked down to the beach together, comfortable in the peaceful quietness that settled between you. Something you loved about Mat from the first day you met him was how there was never an awkward moment with him. No matter who you were, he always made you feel welcome and accepted and smiled and urged you on gently even as you stumbled over your words, his attention never leaving you. He always made you feel like you were the only person in the world, and you were grateful.

“Today was fun.”

“Party doesn’t start until you can’t walk straight, right?” Mat laughed, but deep inside he wasn’t sure he was ready to see you drunk. Before he could question why you wanted to get drunk so bad, or if there was something you wanted to get your mind off of, a small round object fell in front of his field of vision and a dog jumped up at him. “Oh, holy shit!”

“It’s not over yet. You haven’t even finished your second drink.”

“You’re right.” You giggled a little bit. “I can still walk in a straight line, so I’m not drunk enough.”

He heard you laugh next to him and his heart calmed down. “Don’t like dogs, Barzal?”

“I don’t…. dislike dogs.” He leaned down to pet it almost politely, like the way you would smile at a stranger when making eye contact with them on the street. “It just came up out of nowhere. Spooked me.”

“Yeah, alright. Spooked you.” You had no idea how this dog could look threatening to anybody- it was a small dog, but not a small dog like a chihuahua or anything, it was a golden retriever puppy and it was all fluffy and smiling it’s little puppy smile with big dark eyes. It was so cute. You knelt down to pet the dog and coo to it in a baby voice, and Mat’s heart almost melted at the sight.

“Hey, sorry!” The two of you looked up to see a young man- around your age- rushing down from a group of people hanging out on the beach. He leaned down to pick up the puppy, and Mat leaned down to grab the ball that had landed in front of the two of you.

“That’s fine! What’s your dog’s name?”

“Ah, this is Pippy! She’s about three months old!”

“Aww, she’s so cute!”

Mat hated the pang of jealousy he felt. He didn’t want to feel this way over a fucking dog, but he wished you looked at him the same way you were looking at that puppy right now. As Mat handed the ball back to him, he couldn’t help but glance up the beach and recognize what they had been playing. “Spikeball?”

“Yeah.” Before he turned around to head back up to his friends, he hesitated. “Actually, do you guys want to join in? My teammate’s getting tired of playing, so I could use another guy.”

“Yeah? What d’you think?” Mat glanced down at you as if asking permission. It was your birthday, after all.

“Well, I’m not any good at it.”

“Oh don’t worry.” The guy assured you. “None of us are.”

“Alright, sure. You have alcohol up there?”

“Oh yeah, Definitely.”

Before your worries could make you hesitate to join this group of strangers, you and Mat were exchanging names with your new, temporary friends. Normally, you couldn’t just immerse yourself within a group out of nowhere, so it was amazing how simple it was to make friends when the alcohol was making you braver. It was loud and hot and exciting when you played on Mat’s team, every now and then bumping into each other and laughing, cheeks burning and hearts heavy at the contact. The sun went down and darkness rolled in, and you had taken a break from playing and sat back on the sand with three other girls around the fire, sipping on a new drink- your last of the night, as you were definitely out of it now- and watching the boys.

“Nothing like watching the boys play, huh?” One of the girls spoke up from beside you, nudging your side. “Where’d you get a guy like that?”

“Huh?”

“Oh, girl!” Another spoke up, laughing a bit. “If you don’t mind me saying- Mat is so. Freaking. Hot. Like, hot damn. You’re so lucky.”

Oh. Oh, they thought Mat was your boyfriend. Your face heated up- no, scratch that. It was already flushed because of all the alcohol, and you looked up to where Mat was, shirtless and golden in the light of the fire, a radiant smile on his face as he competed with the other guys. You watched as his body stretched up in a little jump to hit the ball over to his partner, and took the moment to admire the way his muscles moved, trying to imagine how he would feel on you- on your body, your waist, your mouth, your core--

When you first started drinking tonight, it was in a desperate last attempt to get Mat off of your mind. To get yourself to loosen up a bit around him and not feel so flustered and shy whenever he was near. Maybe you thought it would make you forget him, but you were certainly wrong, because all the feelings you had before had only been heightened a hundred times since you started drinking, and now Mat was the only thing on your mind. This only thing you could focus on properly. In fact, the alcohol had opened the floodgates of lewd ideas and images of you and Mat that you had previously tried to keep locked away in a far part of your brain. This was your friend, you didn’t want to be thinking these things. But fuck it was so hard not to when he looked like that and acted like that and treated you like that.

“Yeah, he’s fucking hot alright.”

“I bet he’s packin’ too, right?”

You didn’t say yes or no to that, but the way your face split into a wide grin at the thought of what was beneath those shorts was enough to convince the girls you knew and had them whooping and cheering with laughter. In your drunken state, maybe you didn't realize you probably shouldn't be talking about your best friend's dick- which you hadn't even fully seen- but you really didn't care. "Yeah, the best dick out there."

You couldn’t help but let your mind wander to dark, hot places. You’d definitely seen Mat in his underwear one or two times during your friendship, and had totally seen a dick print or outline here or there. So from what you could see of him… he must feel fucking good. His big hands gripping you, his fingers, his lips… his soft hair falling down against your stomach, his thighs. Everything about him made you hot and bothered. So you sat there, your cheeks hot and your body throbbing at just the mere idea of what he could do to you. The dream from last night popped into your head, the way, he held you so good, so tight, the way his fingers dug into your hips and pulled you in, the way he filled you up so good and had you crying out for more. It may have only been a dream, but fuck, it felt so real.

It was at this moment that Mat looked over from where he was standing to check up on you and saw you drunkenly smiling up at him from across the fire, and he couldn’t help but laugh at the state you were in. He turned back to the guys and motioned back to you. “Right, I think we should get going now.”

“Alright, it was fun!” And then, catching a glimpse of you stumbling to your feet behind Mat, they laughed. “Take care of your girlfriend, looks like she has a few too many tonight.”

Mat’s heart fluttered in his chest. ‘Your girlfriend. Your girlfriend. Your girlfriend.’ He could listen to people calling you his girlfriend forever. It suited you so well- he suited you so well. He would have sat and watched you and let his mind wander, but it was getting late, and he’d promised to have you home before midnight., so his only job right now was to keep you safe. So he was over by your side in seconds, not hesitating to secure an arm around your waist to steady you.

“C’mon, (Y/N).”

“Be safe you guys!”

Mat smiled as the two of you left your little group and headed back up the beach towards home. Wow, they thought you were dating. The two of you passed as boyfriend and girlfriend to strangers, and he didn’t even bother to correct them. Oh, god. He was so fucking ruined for you.

“You look good tonight, Mat.”

You wrapped your arms around his middle and stumbled into him, pressing your face into his side. Usually, Mat loved affection from you, but now, it felt wrong. He wanted you to hug him, he wanted you to be affectionate with him, but he wanted it when you were sober. He wanted you to be aware of what you were doing, and he didn’t want you to regret it the next morning. “Yeah? Thanks. You look nice too, even if you’re a little plastered.”

“Thanks, Matyyyyy.” Mat couldn’t help but laugh at how cute you were while drunk. “You always look nice, though. No matter what you’re wearing. Maybe you don’t even need to wear clothes. You’re always hot.” Hot. You thought he was hot. Yeah, Mat might have already known he was pretty good looking, but to hear you call him hot meant a lot to him. But… he just wished you weren’t drunk right now. He wished you were choosing to call him hot. Mat was silent for a little while, contemplating your words and trying to figure out what to reply with, when you stumbled and tripped through the sand, obviously too fucked to even walk straight by now, and Mat held you tighter to steady you again.

“God, your parents are gonna be pissed with me for getting you so wasted.”

“Ehh, fuck what they think! I just wanna have fun with youuu.” He smiled at your words and laughed as you hiccuped a little bit. "I had a dream about you last night. It was reaaaaally interesting."

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.” The alcohol was messing with your senses, and it took only a moment for you to make the decision- the wrong decision- to open up about your dream. “It was hot. You were naked; we were naked. And we were goin’ at it, ya know? We were really goin’ at it.” Mat’s heart stopped, his breath hitched in his throat, and heat flooded through his body. You definitely didn’t mean to tell him that. You’d definitely regret that in the morning. He was definitely going to think of that tonight. “Oh no! You look worried! Don’t worry, you were really good!! Like, really good!”

“Okay, okay. Why don’t you wait till tomorrow to tell me?” He hushed you. As much as he wanted to know how that dream panned out, he also wanted to help you keep some of your dignity.

“I’m gonna forget tomorrow thooouuugh.” A comfortable silence fell over the two of you, and Mat took the moments to try and steady his heart. “You know, Maty, there’s still one birthday gift I haven’t gotten from you.”

“What’s that?”

Before he could do anything else, you were stopping him in his tracks and reaching up to ball your fist into the collar of the unbuttoned shirt he had thrown on, pulling him down to you. He- like a fool- followed you easily, thinking you were trying to whisper something in his ear, but realized much too late that that wasn’t what you were trying to do. Much to Mat’s horror, you pressed your mouth against his- and, even worse, it felt so nice, so perfect. He had waited for months for this exact moment, and though your lips were soft and sweet against his and even more than he could have ever dreamed of, they still tasted like the drinks he had made for you, and your movements were messy and drunken.

Oh fuck, this was what he wanted, and he wanted it so, so bad, so it took everything he had in him to pull his focus away from the way your mouth felt against his, and way your fingers were gripping his hair, and push you back. He took the moment to hold you at arm's length, his hands on your wrists, and his eyebrows creased in thought as he took in the sight of your breathless little smile and glazed over eyes. You looked so happy to have kissed him, but he knew it was only the alcohol.

“Alright, let’s get you home.”

And with that, everything was back to normal as you walked together back to the house with his arm still comfortably around your shoulders. Normal. Could you ever really go back to being normal after this? You had kissed him. Mat had just been kissed by one of his best friends, and he loved it. Fuck, the two of you lasted four days together here without ruining your friendship, but now what? Where could you go from here? Was this the end of a friendship, or the beginning of something even better? Would you even remember this in the morning, or would it be something that Mat had to carry for the rest of your friendship? Had he made it awkward now? Would your family find out? Had he just ruined the vacation?

Mat couldn't stop the thoughts from racing through his mind on the walk back to the house, but there was one constant question that just wouldn't leave:

Why the fuck couldn’t you have just kissed him when you were sober?

#mat barzal #op #nhl fic #fic #smile like sunshine #mathew barzal #hockey fanfiction #nhl fanfiction #mat barzal imagine

[obeymeluv]

Hi lovely! I’m not sure if your requests are open but I just worked out for the first time since ive gotten super depressed! It might not be that big of a deal but can I get some geadcannons on how the brothers would react to this? (: (their lover working out for the first time in months because of their mental illness)

I respect this so hard and am super proud of you. I have similar struggles so it always makes me happy to see someone able to get back up. Good job :) These headcanons will be short because I’m getting ready for bed and have to get into school mode, but here you go! ♥ 

Lucifer

It wasn’t uncommon for him to wake you up, or even gently start the day by sitting at your bedside and whispering sweet nothings

He opens the door soundlessly, as always, and is quite surprised to see you in the middle of doing a yoga series. Thankfully, your back is to the door

Pride blossoms in his chest and, for the first time, it doesn’t feel heavy like the burden of his sin

It’s warm and joyful and feels like an old memory of the Celestial Realm, a call back to happier days

His eyes mist over a bit but no one can confirm it

Lucifer is a perfect, beautiful statue that watches for a few poses before slowly inching back towards the doorway to peek around the corner

Pretends like he never saw anything when you go about the rest of your day, but is absolutely glowing when he looks at you.

Lavishes you in his fancy praise, as always. (”You look enchanting, my love. Simply radiant today.”)

Mammon

He’ll deny it to the day he dies, but he craves your company.

Actually, he’s more likely to admit it when you’re in a depressive episode because you’re tender and vulnerable and that’s how he really is when he lets his guard down. That’s when people need the most love, and you’ve put him back together so much that he wants to repay the favor 1,000x fold

Mammon’s very surprised to see you running careful laps up one set of stairs and down the set on the other end of the hallway (that explains why it took him so long to find you).

It’s like speed walking. He watches for a lap and a half to make sure you’re not rushing off anywhere. You know, making sure nothing’s serious

When he realizes you’re exercising in earnest he’s super stoked. Like, #1 hype man.

“That’s my human! Yeah!” Mammon becomes your cheerleader

Drops sly comments about how it’s actually a good glute workout and he’ll give you a massage afterwards

Keeps up with you more than you’d expect (models train hard, okay?) but does get bored. Maintains cheer position

Carries you around the rest of the day when your legs are sore

Levi

Levi had to do a fair bit of research on depression when he realized you weren’t converting to being a fellow otaku shut-in

The two of you still enjoyed cuddle times, and sometimes he could engage you in games, but the health of his beloved was important! Humans couldn’t be without exercise for too long or it would be bad for them

It’s super awkward but he tries to invite you swimming and things. Sometimes you just don’t have the energy. He understands, and is totally down for cuddling you (with partial back rubs) while playing games

Makes sure you eat and definitely splits his rations

Enjoys the small walks from his room to yours, and makes sure you guys drift between them a couple of times a day. That helps humans, right?

Levi realizes fairly quickly that you haven’t been to his room in a while and goes to check on you

You’re hopping in patterns across the floor, slowly making your way to his room.

You look like you’re having fun!

He’s not sure what you’re doing, but you hop, you squat, then you lunge.

You lock eyes with Levi mid-lunge and wobble a bit. He’s a little pink in the face, but because he’s laughing in sheer delight at how spooked you looked.

You end up flopping over and Levi crouches beside you, offering his hand

When he hears you finally had a burst of energy and wanted to work out, to start over again, he’s very proud of you

May or may not have compared you to Henry and shared some of the more harrowing moments the hero went through (also how he’s awesome and came back better than ever!)

Invites you for a swim and you actually accept

After some laps and splashing about, you spend time floating and cuddling

Satan

Depression is sometimes just a thing humans go through, Satan is finding out.

Between Devildom books and human books, he kind of understands

It’s a thing of time, and sometimes other methods help. He personally thinks the lack of sun in the Devildom is the main culprit

Gives you healthy snacks and tracks down vitamins

Tries to get you to walk the gardens but realizes he can’t force it

Sometimes he gets you outside, reading under trees and lanterns

Satan roamed the House of Lamentation, intending to steal you for another outside reading session, and was surprised to find you out there already

He watched from a high window, peeking tentatively from behind the thick curtain, and let the amused smile cut his lips

Suddenly, you disappeared out of sight. Satan waited for what felt like ages until the logic of ‘the fastest way between Point A and B is a straight line’ kicked in. He held his book carefully, unlatched the window, and jumped out

Demons have good joints and sturdier bodies. The drop and landing was nothing for him.

He calls your name and starts walking around.

It’s not until he’s made a full lap and you’re giggling (behind him somehow?) that he realizes you’re just leisurely walking laps around the house

Super embarrassed that he got worried (and that you ended up behind him). Jumps when you touch his shoulders or if you hugged him around the waist

You’re happy and...yourself for the first time in a while and Satan’s heart is so happy. Before you can break the hug, he twines his fingers with yours and just holds your hand to his body

Eventually you break away, kiss his shoulders, and start a game of tag that turns into sky-watching, and laying on his chest as he reads 

Asmodeus

He knows how to break hearts but he ALSO knows how to fix him

He’s always trying to get his brothers to hang out and make good memories. Despite what he says and how he acts, he really cares for them from the bottom of his heart

You count, too. You’re like, top tier. Basically family. VIP space. Maybe SPOUSE space (but that’s too fast for a human, right?)

Though rare and private, Asmo has his bad days, too. They can either be fixed, or they can’t. Usually things are just distractions. The heart will heal in its own time.

Asmo went to your room with the latest round of pampering but stopped short of announcing himself. Does he hear...music?

Nudging the door open with his foot, his eyes light up so pink the gradient is disappearing.

You’re dancing and humming, making faces at yourself in the mirror.

His heart clenches with a beautiful pain because you’re so vibrant and lively and he knows it was hard for you to find this again

The pampering is abandoned for an impromptu PRIVATE dance party

Silly and sweet things, waltzing and just being close, hugging as you sway side to side

Lots of forehead kisses and pet names.

Beelzebub

He didn’t think your behavior was out of the ordinary since Belphie slept a lot.

Beel is always motivated by something--food, sports, working out, family stuff--so he’s not familiar with the lack of desire to do anything

When he learns you’re not just catching up on sleep and you might be having a rough time, he asks Lucifer and Satan what to do

They decide you should work out. That releases endorphins in humans and that sounds like what you need!

The attempts don’t go well, but you’ll at least come out of your room and be a resistance weight for him

Beel went into the weight room to do some pre-warm up exercises. He was mentally planning his reps and figuring out what muscle groups were on the schedule when he heard the clinking of weights

His brothers had other ways of working out so that meant only one person could be in the weight room

Beelzebub stamped down the urge to rush in and watch you in all your occupied glory, reminding himself you could drop a weight on yourself (or worse)

His purr gives him away

He’s proud, borderline excited, and just purrs long and loud from the entryway

Jumps into the workout with you, doing light exercises

Beel gets a little playful adjusting your posture, but it’s all sweet hugs and rocking you back and forth

Regardless of what muscle groups were on the schedule for the day, it’s arm day because he’s lifting you up, throwing you a little, and catching you in his arms

Give this happy, snuggly boy some kisses  

Belphegor

He can sense your state of mind by the nature of his sin. He sleeps a lot and has a knack for telling when someone’s sleep is anything but restful

Belphegor’s not 100% sure, but he thinks he can tap into your dream space. There’s this little ball of sad-tired-something that lets him know you’re not okay

There’s quiet mini-dates that ease the sting of your sadness, but he knows it’s not enough

When he sleeps, he has dreams about you being happy and hopes he can push them into your mind

Cuddles fix things. He’s down for couple naps.

Belphegor goes in and out of sleep; it’s during one of his periods of waking that he notices you’re not there

Hugging his pillow, he shuffles about the House of Lamentation to find you

He finds you cleaning and organizing the kitchen. Cleaning is a sign of healing, right? Lots of movement?

Belphegor realizes you’re doing more than cleaning. You’re stretching and lifting things like they’re Beel’s weights

It looks time-consuming, and like you’ve been at it for a while

Belphie plonks his head on your shoulder, asking how you’re feeling. He’s got that sleepy Cheshire Cat smile

You’re just as happy as can be, happier than he’s seen you in a while, and you celebrate by stealing a bunch of snacks and making a blanket fort in his room 

Hope you liked it :)

[aetherarf]

I noticed you do Character X Character and have a cute request:

Ninnguang invites Diluc over for what Diluc thinks is a normal business meeting.

That is until he notices Ninnguang doesn't have any staff beyond chefs, and that said chefs are making his favorite food, and that some of it includes his favorite blended food. And so he thinks she just wants to hang out .

Basically Ninnguang asking Diluc on a date and setting up everything perfect for him because she loves him, but Diluc is extremely dense to it because he thinks she's just being profe.

I feel the need to mention that Diluc doesn't specifically like blended food, it's just easy for him to eat... But this is super cute, here you go :D!

Also I ended up not focusing on food a ton just cuz food is Weird to me but it's....... all really long so i hope that makes it ok.

ALSO I HOPE UR HAPPY I THINK THIS IS LIKE DOUBLE THE NEXT LONGEST THING IVE POSTED HERE

[[ Summary: Ningguang is a woman who knows what she wants, and she gets what she wants... Even if she must be patient... And what she wants isn't something mora can buy. It's something only patience, care, and love can earn... and she's willing, even if a certain red-haired man isn't exactly the best at noticing.

[ Mostly Diluc POV, Last Scene is Ningguang POV ]

Word Count: 5'088 ]]

Liyue, Diluc thought, looking over the harbor. It was loud, and boisterous, but in Liyue, people were better at keeping their distance, especially if they thought someone was of a higher ranking, to prove their respect. At times, it was easier for him to exist here than in Mondstadt, where draping yourself over another person was commonplace.

But he was not here for fun, it was for business.

Lady Ningguang had invited him for a personal dinner--of which he detested. She herself was a fine woman, more genuine and direct with her intentions, but it still meant that she was trying to get goodwill, to try and intertwine business with pleasure...

Something that Diluc didn't need to experience to know it wasn't the best idea... But he needed to play this game, lest she get the upper hand. Even if she was not a high-stakes business partner, she was smart. Give it time and give it effort, and she would have him in the palm of her hand and he could do nothing about it.

Better to dance along for now, and soon he would be able to lead.

After a long walk, glancing curiously at the hounds that seemed to want to play [And how could he not give them a brief pat on the head?] He found himself to Ningguang's... Estate, of sorts.

Odd to think about how, just a few months prior, he had been within the Jade Chamber, and how it had been destroyed within the ocean...

But, knowing Ningguang, she likely was already making preparations to create a second one. For now, she had a pleasant estate, near to the Harbor, but not so much so that it was easily trespassed upon.

The guards out front only looked at him oddly, seeing how he did not stutter with a single step, only adjusting his gloves as he walked past, not even noting their presence.

If someone doesn't look like they're supposed to be there, his father said, many years ago, Then chances are, they're not supposed to be there.

He long since learned to have a facade of confidence wherever he had gone, if only to avoid more human interaction when possible. But, when he got to the entrance to the building, a familiar face.

"Greetings," Diluc said, all refined and poise, "Zhenhai. Has her Lady not told you of my invitation?" He asked, and Zhenhai looked over Diluc, examining him.

"She has," He said, "You are simply early."

Diluc blinked a few times, early? You were supposed to be early. If you were not early, you were late. Even if you agreed at not a second after the hour, if you arrived the second of, you were considered late.

He did not like business games, but he would endure.

"I am simply eager to see her," he said, all lies, "But if you are telling me she does not want me here--"

"No," Zhenhai panickedly blurted out, then tensing, "Ahem... I simply request you wait here for a moment, Master Ragnvindr, I would like to inform Lady Ningguang of your presence."

"Take your time," Diluc dismissed, and as soon as he walked inside, Diluc's shoulders slumped... He was so tired, so tired of all these niceties. He was decent at them, decent enough to play the game, but were he honest, he wishes he didn't have to be constantly going back and forth between entire nations just to play these games.

Maybe, if he had more time, he could go back to an old hobby, of those hundreds of notebooks filled to the brim with ideas that filled his young mind.

Instead of stewing over it, he examined the area... The landscaping was quite nice, many Glaze Lilies were placed in a garden, and the garden was surrounded by pale stones, of a majorly uniform color.

And how the mountains encompassed the area...

It was quite nice. It, distantly, reminded him of the Stormbearer Mountains, but those were quite rough and jagged, these... these seemed more elegant, less accidental from the Anemo Archon's stupor, more intentional ploys from the Geo Archon.

"I am sorry sir," Diluc turned back around, seeing Zhenhai looking at him, tense, "Go right in, Baixiao will bring you to Lady Ningguang."

"Thank you." Diluc nodded towards him respectfully, not wanting to make a young, already foolish boy ( ironic, Diluc was not that old either ) even more humiliated at himself.

As soon as he walked in, well, not even as he got in, the door opened and a young woman with black hair stood before him--A wide smile on her face, looking utterly excited upon seeing his presence.

"Master Ragnvindr, it's a pleasure to see you."

Diluc hesitated, trying to remember this one--The three secretaries were... well, he did not see them often, so remembering them was a demon of its own right.

Zhenhai said Baixiao, so--

"It's a pleasure to see you as well, Baixiao. It seems my early arrival has caused a stir," He sighed, "I apologize if this has inconvenienced you at all."

She blinked a few times over, "Oh, of course not! It's always a pleasure to see your presence, planned or not."

... Is she implying I came on a whim?

"I appreciate the sentiment, Miss Baixiao."

"But," She sighed, "I'm certain you're eager to see Lady Ningguang, after all. This way, Master Ragnvindr." She walked ahead, and he followed suit... As he looked around, it seemed quite... sparse.

Oftentimes, when they invited another over, they would have their staff in full force, just to show that they had presence, but it was the exact opposite. Guards, and Ningguang's secretaries... Only a few, perhaps there were others, but they were not being practically shoved into Diluc's face, which...

Was a breath of fresh air, honestly.

He was lead to a room, and two women--the other two secretaries, Baiwen and Baishi... Not that he knew which was which from looks alone. Baishi, with loving care, was brushing Ningguang's hair, her finger curling a lock of Ningguang's hair before she let it fall and join the rest of it...

And Ningguang looked over at Diluc, a smile of pure adoration on her face.

She's a skilled actor, I'll give her that.

"Master Ragnvindr," She said, softly, "I apologize, I'm still getting ready, but it's lovely to see you again."

"Likewise," He agreed. "It seems, however, I came too early... I'll make sure not to make the same mistake twice-"

"Oh, no, don't worry about that," Ningguang interrupted, "This gives us time to take a brief walk, if you're willing."

A brief walk... That was unplanned. But, if he agreed, Ningguang is 'indebted' to him through things that could seldom be quantified-Through basic niceties and kindness.

When you give another a compliment, they are indebted, and oftentimes pay you back with another compliment. If they do not, there is a minor guilt of not having returned something.

Business always hinged on the debts you owe, and more importantly, what others owe you.

He was not fond of being in debt in any way, shape, or form.

"That sounds wonderful, Lady Ningguang." He praised, and she moved to stand, the woman brushing her hair taking a step back, frazzled, "Baiwen, be a dear and grab my parasol." The woman, Baiwen, nodded and walked off, leaving them with... Baishi and Baixiao, Baishi being the one who had assisted in Ningguang's preparation.

As he met Baishi's eyes, she was glaring at him with no small amount of hatred... Somehow, he was not offended. It was likely nothing more than seeing him as an obstacle, an irritation.

Another business partner to come, waste her time, and then leave once again.

"Well," Diluc said, to prevent an uncomfortable silence, "I apologize for not having reached out in some time, beyond a few letters," He had sent them, as a formality, upon hearing about the... utter chaos in Liyue. "I couldn't endure thinking I was causing you to stress when you already were so busy, so I thought giving you time was best."

She shook her head, "Diluc," she said, oh, the use of his name was very deliberate, "It's never stressing to hear from you..." She rested her hand on his arm, a delicate touch, and he, trying to be as courteous as possible, took it of, holding it gently.

"I'll keep that in mind."

On cue, Baiwen had walked in with a parasol, handing it to Ningguang, and giving a brief nod of respect, before Ningguang waved her off, "All three of you, thank you. You're dismissed for the day, be sure to stay safe."

"Thank you, Lady Ningguang," disturbingly, all three bowed in sync before leaving in line, Diluc unsure if that was rehearsed or simply second nature after happening so many times...

Baishi left a second glare before she was out of sight, the distant sound of closing and shutting doors was heard. Ningguang walked ahead, "Come... we are taking a brief stroll, aren't we?" She asked, raising a brow,

"But of course," he replied, following her footsteps dutifully until they were outside, and she had opened her parasol, holding it over so she could reside in the shade, even if evening was not nearly as blaring with sunlight as the afternoon,

"May I carry that for you?" He offered, and Ningguang smiled, handing it over,

"Oh, of course... thank you, Diluc."

He wasn't sure how he felt about the lack of his title. In a way, it was a relief, like it was nearly permission to take off the mask of professionalism..

But he also was aware this, too, was just a game. Just a way to lower his guard.

As he adjusted to hold it, so both of them could stay in the shade, she grabbed onto his arm with both her own hands, a relaxed position that he oftentimes saw, even in Mondstadt, where a woman would, subtly, claim her lover, to warn off any others... common in those who were insecure, touchy, or noble.

Interesting approach.

He just took a cautionary step forward, setting the pace, before the two of them walked ahead, and she had tugged, gently, on his arm...

She wanted to lead here, too, and he would let her.

They walked past the gardens, he glancing at the Glaze Lilies briefly, but she then stopped him,

"Admiring them, are you?" She asked, letting go of his arm to approach them, looking over her own garden of these flowers.

"Of course, they're beautiful, even without blooming."

A soft snip, and Ningguang plucked a single flower, and with her free hand, it was as though she held something out to it, and she blew gently on her hand, a faint, silvery dust fluttering over the flower, prompting it to bloom, proving its own beauty in such a subtle action.

He walked closer, examining it... He wondered if it was that the plant would respond to Geo energy, as how Windwheel Asters would twirl with the wind, but simply a more subtle reaction...

She lifted her hand, and tucked the flower into his hair, over his ear, before looking over him, nearly glowing with a silent form of pride, before grabbing his arm once again,

"I thought you'd look good with it," She explained, "And I was right."

"If I may be so bold," he smiled--how fake it felt, "I think it'd look better on you," as he was reaching up with his free hand to remove it, she grabbing his hand, and pushed it back down,

"Please," she nearly whispered, "Leave it? Keep it as a gift."

He looked over her features... How genuine she appeared.

It was confusing.

"If you so insist, I will accept this blessing from Liyue's Lady herself,"

She laughed softly, "So formal. You may call me Ningguang... or ah'Guang, if you so wish," she offered, tugging him a little to get him to walk again, as they began strolling their way off of Ningguang's estate.

"... Ah'Guang?" He asked, "I must admit, I've heard children use that in Liyue... such as ah'Qi. What is the meaning of such phrasing?" Diluc knew better than to accept such an offer without knowing what the truth, and meaning, behind it was.

"Hm... That's a little odd to explain. Adding the prefix-ah-is a sign of... Endearment, affection, and familiarity. It must be to the second part of a name, if there are two parts... but for someone named Xu, they would be ah'Xu."

Endearment? Affection? Exactly what was her angle?

"Children call themselves that because their parents adore them, and call them... Ah'Qi, or ah'Xu. They learn to refer to themselves like this for a few years. Close friends and lovers oftentimes use these terms for adoration as well."

Close friends and lovers, this was certainly a brand new method a business partner had used to try and keep them under their thumb.

"That's quite forward of you, Ningguang." He said, accepting her offer to be more familiar, but not... that familiar.

He had limits. He had boundaries. Those boundaries included keeping his business partners at a distance, ironic, seeing how Ningguang seemed content at nearly being pressed to him...

"Would you blame me?" She asked, idly, "You're a wonderful man, it'd be a shame to not make the most of such a relationship."

He didn't know what to say to that, if he was honest...

"You speak too highly of me," He insisted, "I was born to wealth-you created your own with blood and tears."

She shook her head, "Maybe so, but that alone does not dictate your worth as a person... Mora is wonderful, but it is not everything."

"Well," he thought, trying to figure out what she wanted him to say, and what he wanted to say, "I hope I can continue to live up to your expectations."

"That won't be hard," she hummed, "You surpass them with every moment."

A silence fell over them again, but he was no fool... if you pretend you belong, no one will look twice. He simply continued walking, the both of them continuing as they found their way to the harbor, during the evening, not as many people were present, mostly only keeping to their homes to settle down for the day, or having a small celebration between friends, but large get-togethers, like how getting absolutely sloshed at the nearest tavern just wasn't customary in Liyue.

So, now it was mostly just small groups of people, or duos, and some children running around to get their energy out just before or after dinner.

Diluc looked at the horizon, admiring how it nearly looked golden with the low-hanging sun reflecting off of the gently rolling waters.

"I love this time of day," She said, gently taking the parasol from Diluc's hand and walking ahead, closer to the ocean, only stopping before the fence that stopped any clumsy fool from falling into the ocean, "Ah... if only it was easier to keep in the shade, though."

Diluc examined her... and her parasol.

"Is there a reason you enjoy the shade?" He asked, standing beside her.

"I was born with a sort of... condition. My body cannot produce color," She gestured to her own face, "I burn quite easily... You're also quite pale, do you suffer the same struggle?" She asked, tilting her head to the side a little.

"Hm... Not exactly. Light is a little..." He struggled to find his words, and Ningguang just gazed over him, leaning over the railing, her head propped up by one hand, "I see things a little differently, as insane as I might sound. Light feels brighter, sounds louder... I suppose I simply do best in a mild environment."

"Interesting," She hummed, looking back over the ocean, "I have a... friend, of sorts, who is quite similar. She's less mild mannered than yourself, however, quick to be upset... and she's thrown a few tantrums, to be honest. She doesn't have the... tact that you do."

Diluc looked over the ocean... How it sparkled. It was a little hard to endure, the bright light of near-sunset... But he could endure.

"I suppose I learned how to handle it, but... I think it's a little more like pain. Some people can endure it better, some can't. No fault on either side, it's simply how it is."

He felt eyes on him, and looked back down at Ningguang, who looked... worried.

"Are you in pain, Diluc?"

... What a question.

"Yes, but I can handle it." He answered, fully honest. She straightened her back from her lounging position, and rested her hand atop his on the railing,

"Just because you can doesn't mean you should..."

Diluc didn't want to look at her, having heard this one too many times, and luckily, a blessing found itself in bashing right into the back of his legs, he trembling in shock as he saw a child on the ground, having knocked flat into him and collapsed onto the ground. Without hesitation, he crouched down onto one knee, and it seemed Ningguang did the same, both fussing over the young child, with bells in her hair...

"I... I'm sorry!" She blubbered, openly sobbing after only a moment of having been knocked on her rear, "I just... I just didn't know where to go, and..."

"Shhh," Ningguang hushed, softly, "Dearie, it's alright, I promise," She cooed softly, petting the top of the girl's head, "What do you mean, You did't know where to go?" She asked...

Diluc was endlessly thankful, and admittedly impressed, that she was dealing with the child so well.

"I..." The little girl wiped her nose, snotty from her sobbing, "Liyue Harborlooks different when it's not sunny, and..." Back to the blubbering.

"Hey," Ningguang hushed, sweetly, "Do you know any places near where you live? I know Liyue Harbor pretty well, I could help you find your way back home."

The girl nodded, "Uhm... Where... where does that... Girl with the spicy bear go?"

Diluc had to stop himself from taking a double take at that.

"Spicy bear... Oh, I think I know the place. Is that near your home?"

The girl nodded, "I... I could find my way home if I was there."

Ningguang laughed, softly, "Oh, sweetie... That's not that far," Ningguang stood up, and held out her hand to the girl, and she took it, assisting her to her feet.

"Okay," Ningguang pointed down to a street, "Just go that way, and turn left. Keep going for a bit and look for tables, if you go too far, you'll find another part of the docks... Do you think you can find you way on your own?"

The girl looked at the street...

"Yeah, yeah, I think I can... Thank you, Miss..." She nodded, turning around and finding her way along.

"You're good with kids, Ningguang." Diluc mentioned, quietly, "Shall I take the parasol again?"

She handed it over, "Thank you... and thank you. Children are sweet... Plus, most adults will let secrets spill around them. They have quite a bit to say, when you let them."

Distantly, Diluc thought of that... Diona girl, with how she constantly tried to put disgusting things in the vineyards... and Klee, who was well known for her adoration of bombs and explosions.

"You haven't seen the children of Mondstadt," he joked.

"Nonsense... Besides, there's this girl, sweet as sugar... But she's, well, she's a zombie, for a lack of better wording." She sighed, "She's... odd. But she works very hard."

"I'd take a zombie girl over a pyromaniac who risks destroying the city with her bombs..."

Ningguang looked at him oddly, "... I can't tell if you're joking."

"I'm not."

There was a moment of silence, and she blinked a few times.

"... I suppose that makes sense why you wouldn't like children."

"Wait," Diluc interrupted, a little surprised when she grabbed his arm again, but he got over it, "I never said that."

"But... you seemed quite tense when that little girl was here."

And he didn't seem tense for the rest of this... business date?

"I don't think I'm good with kids. I didn't want to scare her... But I do like kids. Kids just don't like me."

"Well," She thought for a moment, "Kids are simple. Give them a piece of candy, prove you can carry one or two of them, and they're happy. Adults are the confusing ones... So many things to keep track of, and you can't make them happy with a shiny coin or two..."

Diluc didn't have anything to say about that, so he didn't, opting to only walk ahead with Ningguang, to observe the last few moments of sunlight before bringing the both of them back to the estate, Ningguang all but dragging him inside, opening the door for him, he offering a polite nod in thanks.

"That was longer than I thought it'd be..." Ningguang muttered, "Is that alright with you, Diluc?" She asked, and he nodded.

"Of course, it was pleasant... I just fear I may have interrupted your plans for the evening." He admitted, adjusting his gloves, and she shook her head.

"You couldn't have interrupted everything, I've reserved all of today just for you, Diluc."

Once again, hearing his own name from her lips felt... odd.

"I'm humbled, Ningguang... Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me, Diluc... I'm just blessed to spend time with you." She insisted, taking a step closer, closing the distance between them, Diluc, hesitantly, taking a step back...

Luckily, she didn't continue to advance.

"Come," She said, closing her parasol and setting it on a table, "Dinner should be ready." She walked ahead, standing in the threshold as she waited for him to get closer, before she found herself to the table, it all prepared, likely while they were absent, and sitting down on one side, Diluc sitting right across from her...

And as though it was magic, a servant appeared and had poured them both a cup of tea--And Diluc didn't miss how one, two bits of sugar were put into his, briefly mixed before left behind for him.

"The first dish will come soon," The servant said, before disappearing briefly, and Ningguang lifted the cup to her lips, taking a sip...

"I should mention, Diluc," she said, her cup lightly clinking against the table, as Diluc took a sip himself... pleasantly sweet, but not overpowering. "I'm certain you've heard of those... incredible seventeen course Liyue meals, yes?" She asked, and he felt his gut sink...

Oh, he was going to be feeling it tomorrow. He knew better than to reject food, especially in a business setting, but... it was just- it was so hard to force his body to swallow, sometimes.

"I don't care for those.. frivolous meals." She said, plainly, "So it may seem a little plain, a little simple. I hope this doesn't disappoint."

...

Maybe she really was more relateable than he thought.

"Actually, that's quite nice to hear," he admitted, leaning back in his chair a little, relieved, "I was a little worried there'd be countless dishes, all with the dedication of Golden Crab... No disrespect if you enjoy such a dish-"

"I don't," she said, bluntly, "In fact, I find it quite ridiculous. Maybe a crab boiled on it's own... a little bit of broth to dip, would be pleasant, but the... ugh, disgracing a creature with a bath of batter and oil... Pardon my cruelty, but it makes my stomach turn."

For the first time that night, Diluc smiled, and chuckled genuinely.

"I couldn't have said it better myself. I-My brother, adoptive, mind you, sometimes I wonder if he only likes dishes due to their supposed 'status', that their fame automatically lends itself to being delicious... Ridiculous. I could give him a Jade Parcel full of a sponge and he'd tell me it was 'impeccable' or something like that."

Ningguang laughed aloud at that comment, "Oh, oh my goodness, that's what Keqing is like with... what was it, Golden Shrimp Balls? She's so serious and poised, but if someone puts those in front of her, she loses it, like a starved dog in front of a choice cut of meat. I wonder if I should do that--or fill it with Jueyun Chilis, just to see if her gluttony can withstand it."

Diluc snorted with laughter, "No, no, because there's a chance she'll like the spice... Fill it with sugar."

She gasped as though he suggested something utterly scandalous, "Oh, that's perfect... She even says she doesn't like when someone tampers with food, such as salted Almond Tofu or sweetened soup..."

Even as the dishes had come out, laughter had rung out with their... admittedly unprofessional discussion, from anywhere to using Jueyun chilis to brew wine for Diluc oh-so unfortunate brother, and making delectably enticing cupcakes filled and topped with Qingxin petals, just to taunt poor sweet Ganyu...

And eventually, they were done, and Diluc...

He actually enjoyed it.

In a moment of speculation when Ningguang briefly dismissed herself, he thought about it, analyzing the conversation...

He should have had more restraint, than to fall into such a trap. From what he could recall, he offered a lot of information to Ningguang, he seldom ever called Kaeya 'brother', much less to business partners, to prevent them from reaching out to Kaeya in an attempt to get to him, but...

He didn't agree to anything, at least.

As he looked at the scroll, of a painting within, that was placed on the wall, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he looked over to see Ningguang looking up at him, her eyes wide...

Sparkling, almost.

"Are you alright? You didn't respond."

"Oh," another moment of weakness, "I was lost in thought. I am alright, Lady Ningguang." He gently moved her hand off of his shoulder, but she did not pull it away... and he did not abandon it so quickly.

"As long as you're alright." She said, and then... she had gone quiet, examining Diluc's face, a brief moment of silence as they both looked at each other.

"When," she said, in little more than a breath, "Can I see you again?"

...

This meant she was expecting an invitation to Mondstadt, wasn't it?

He seldom wanted her there, but...

The Winery would be fine.

"Give me a few days," he said, "I'll send letters, and we can make plans. Was there anything you wished to see?"

She was quiet for a moment, and shook her head.

"To see you is enough." She insisted.

Great.

"Well... I should be going." He sighed, avoiding her intense gaze, "I mustn't be keeping you."

"You couldn't keep me, Diluc... But I understand. Be safe, I eagerly await to see you once again."

"I look forward to seeing you."

And with that, they parted ways, and Ningguang, for a long moment, only watched.

Why did he feel like he was neglecting something?

... ... ...

Ningguang sighed, sitting on a stone bench beside the glaze lilies, who opened in the moonlight, watching as the subtle wind pushed them to and fro...

"Lady Ningguang," Zhenhai greeted, "Are you alright?"

She looked over him, examining him.. and sighed, moving a little out of the way, silently offering him a seat. While she felt no need for a bodyguard, perhaps being alone wasn't the best idea.

"I'm fine," She said, plainly, "Just another... Fruitless attempt." She explained, straightening her spine to seem more proper.

"With Master Ragnvindr?" Zhenhai asked, and solemnly, she nodded. It was no secret that she had eyes for only Sir Ragnvindr, and of which has not been reciprocated... or, honestly, even acknowledged, which made it all the more painful.

"Did something go wrong?" He asked, looking at the glaze lilies before him... And Ningguang sighed,

"No... But, I cannot say anything went right, either. It simply happened. If I must say one thing about Master Ragnvindr," She leaned forth, letting her fingertips touch a petal of one of the flowers, "He is a smart man who knows better than to let anyone get the upper-hand. His weakness is also his greatest strength--He keeps everyone at a distance."

She tried to hide how her voice shook, but it was not like it mattered. Anything that happened with Zhenhai did not matter, for he was just a young boy, barely old enough to legally work, and anything he would say would be swiftly forgotten.

"Well, he is smart, and he should know better than to avoid business dealings with you." Zhenhai said, plainly, "Maybe be more blunt, I feel like he's not fond of trying to beat around the bush."

Ningguang turned to look at Zhenhai, confused, "Business dealings," She echoed, "I am not trying to coerce him into working with me." Her voice was a little more stern, but as she saw his expression...

There was a degree of fear, but overall, he was confused.

"You're not?" He asked, "I apologize, Lady Ningguang... I-I simply thought you were. But, maybe this is a good thing," He blabbered out, tense, panicked, "Maybe he doesn't realize you're not trying to do business with him, and he's... misunderstanding like how I did?"

Ningguang was about to shoo him off... But she widened her eyes.

Wait...

That's exactly what it was.

Diluc wasn't just keeping her at a distance--he was... oh, he was dense. Somehow, that didn't make him any less ideal in her eyes, but it clarified everything.

How he would keep his distance, physically, to maintain a business professionalism, how he spoke only few words, and when he spoke of himself, he gave little for her to work with.

"Oh, dear," Ningguang stood, "Zhenhai, you're right." She said, and Zhenhai's eyes widened.

"I am?"

"Absolutely... and as punishment for embarrassing me," She grabbed his ear, "Come help me figure out how to tell him."

"Ah! Wait! Wait, I don't know what's going on!"

"Don't worry, you'll be getting paid overtime."

"That doesn't explain anything!"

Well, he'd find out...

And, with Zhenhai's help, maybe she could get a better view into Diluc's mind...

Maybe he was right the first time, just to be more blunt with her intentions, even if he too was confused.

The worst that could happen was rejection, and she could go on with her life, even if the idea caused a great pain...

But it would be more painful if she never brought it up.

#genshin impact #diluc #ningguang #diluc x ningguang #ningguang x diluc #dilguang #// theres no good ship name #// ???? #bark writes #// looks @ my 15 tabs open on my 11 year old macbook #// oh no

[shhh-no-ones-home]

green looks good on you  vinny mauro x reader

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Request from @gardenjungle : "If you are taking requests, I would LOVE if you could do an imagine where the reader has a ton in common with Chris (likes hockey and Harry Potter, is a vegan, etc...) so they’re super close, and Vinny is super upset about it because he likes her sooo much and “Chris gets all the girls” ??? Vinny gets no love and you’re one of the only people who writes about him often. I’d also love if you could get a little sexy action in there"

Ngl this is like 1600+ words and i wrote it in like twenty minutes and loved every minute of it. i really hope you like it! i didnt end up adding anything ‘sexy’ but its pretty gratifying to say the least lol.

Song: gold by sleeping with sirens

tag list: @musicsexandpizza69 @svintsandghosts @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @theoneandonlykymberlee @ryansitkowskiswifey @joeybarber @thisplace-ishaunted

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i rocked back into the couch, laughing at what chris had said. he was sat next to me, very comfortably, as we chatted amongst ourselves. we had been very close friends for a very long time and i was over the moon that he'd invited me to travel with them for this tour as the videographer. not only did i get to expand my portfolio but i also got to connect with my best friend and his band.

"okay but do you remember that one fall at the orchard when you tripped on that apple and ended up face first in the dirt?"

he laughed out and i sent him a shocked expression.

"i thought we agreed to never bring that up!"

i protested, the other guys around us sort of laughing along, them only half paying attention as they played a new video game. their focus was above our heads.

"but it was hilarious. i looked up for a split second and BAM! there you went."

he said loudly, being a little more expressive at the 'bam.' i shook my head at him.

"okay then, if we are ratting each other out about stupid shit weve done,what about that one time you got your hand stuck in the Christmas tree ties on your dads car?"

i said matter-of-factly. his eyes got wide.

"hey! that was an accident and you know it. we couldve taken my whole arm off!"

he said in his defense.

"i thought it was hilarious."

i said sternly back, smiling widely at him. he stuck his tongue out at me, a notion i gladly mirrored. then he grabbed me around the shoulders, pulling me to him. i screamed at the sudden motion, looking to vinny and rick who were sitting across from us for some guidance but they were to into the game.

"you two are too much."

ricky laughed out, looking at ryan for a second as he walked by. chris pulled me closer before licking a stripe up my face.

"ew!"

i said pulling away from him and wiping his saliva off of my face.

"asshole!"

i said, grabbing his face and blowing raspberries into his cheek. he laughed incredulously, pushing me away from him.

"youre nasty."

he said mimicking my notion and wiping his face. i punched his arm lightly before swinging my legs into his lap, him holding them there and looking down at me endearingly.

"so are you."

i said back, shaking my head at him, nose scrunched.

"you know you love me."

he said, bringing his face closer to mine.

"well yeah."

i said back, squinting at him.

"i think im done for tonight."

vinny said suddenly, pausing the game. ricky sent him a look like 'wtf?' and watched him stand.

"im gonna go get some air."

he said and we all watched him walk off the bus.

"that was weird right?"

i asked and they all nodded. i had a good few chances to talk to vinny since tour had started and he seemed like a really cool guy. someone id be lucky to call a close friend by the time tour was over if not something more. part of me felt bad, like chris and i really where too much for him to handle in that moment. but this was how we always were. we practically survived our teens years together, losing touch for a bit but inevitably going back to the way things where when we found each other back.

"you guys mind if i go out there too?"

i asked and they all sort of shrugged at me, chris letting my legs go so i could stand. as i did i leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

"dont miss me while im gone."

i joked and he rolled his eyes at me.

"of course not."

i laughed a little bit as i descended down the stairs, pushing the door open and seeing vinny leaning against the bus.

"you okay?"

i asked softly, walking to him and rubbing my hands together. i had sort of forgotten how cold it had got. it was late fall after all but the bus was so warm and inviting i didnt even think about grabbing a jacket before leaving. i half shivered as i walked closer, his face being illuminated by the street lights outside the venue.

"uh yeah, everything's great."

he said a little condescendingly, kicking his foot into the gravel under him.

"im sorry if we were too much, i guess when we get together we have a tendency to overshare and its not for everyone. but i suppose thats what you get when youre comfortable with someone the way we are."

i tried to defend to him and he let out a short sigh-laugh.

"its no big deal, you guys really like each other. its cool."

i smiled.

"yeah, hes my best friend."

vinny nodded once.

"how long have you guys been together? i dont recall him ever talking about you before."

i drew my brows.

"together?"

i asked and he seemed just as confused as i was.

"look i get it, chris gets all the girls, being the front man and all."

he seemed a little jealous.

"but i dont think he ever mentioned you before tour started and then one day he told us about some girl coming on to film us. but clearly you guys are close so do you have like a, i dont know, like a open relationship type thing?"

i laughed a little bit.

"you think chris and i are dating?"

he half shrugged.

"well yeah, its kinda obvious."

i shook my head and took his hand in mine.

"vinny i can assure you that chris and i are just friends. if anything hes like the brother i never asked for nor wanted but got anyways. but life just does that sometimes."

he looked down at our connected hands and let go of me promptly.

"i guess it just doesnt seem like that."

he said a little hurt. i sighed and leaned against the bus next to him.

"it would be kind of weird to bring it up to him but i like someone else in this band, if you wanted to know."

i said, looking at him a little hopeful he was picking up what i was putting down.

"oh."

he said sadly. i sighed, i guess not.

"yeah, hes super cool, and nice, and ive really enjoyed connecting with him."

i shivered as the wind blew and he finally looked over at me.

"are you cold?"

he asked, ignoring what i had just said. i nodded a little bit, crossing my arms over my chest.

"just a little bit but i ll be fine."

he shook his head at me.

"no way, here."

he said taking his jacket off. at least he had long sleeves on. he placed his jacket over my shoulders, pulling it together in the front.

"thanks vin."

i said as we both returned to our positions against the bus.

"would your new dream guy do that?"

he half joked, i could still hear the venom in his voice. he was absolutely jealous. i thought it was funny because now he was jealous of himself.

"actually yeah."

he scoffed, hiking his foot up on the side of the bus.

"great."

he said looking away from me. i stepped closer and nudged him.

"he would because he just did."

he looked at me and drew his brows together.

"wait you mean?"

he asked, his face turning to that of shock. i nodded.

"god, yes. vin ive had a crush on you since i got here."

i laughed out.

"i didnt think you would like me back and then i realized just now that that was utter bullshit."

he half smiled.

"and whys that?"

he asked a little cocky.

"you were jealous of chris and that has only happened to me a handful of times in my life. once in highschool when my boyfriend said he would break up with me if i didnt stop hanging out with him. once when i graduated college and my then boyfriend accused me of sleeping with him. and right now."

he looked down a little ashamed.

"yeah i guess that wasnt fair of me to do. i just figured since you guys hit it off so fast that you were into him."

i laughed a little bit.

"dont get me wrong i love him with my whole being, but seeing someone go through puberty just does something to your vision of them ya know?"

i asked and he laughed back, nodding.

"okay, well if you really are into me, would it be stepping to far to ask you out?"

he said hopefully and i grinned widely at him.

"i would love that vin."

he sent me a tired smile in the dim street lights.

"may i also be so bold as to ask if i could kiss you?"

i let out a nervous laugh. i was really gonna let that happen huh? i nodded.

"id like that a lot vin."

he stepped closer to me slowly, placing his hand gently against my cheek, running his thumb over it. his hands were rough and calloused from playing the drums so long but i didnt mind. it kind of felt nice. he looked deep into my eyes before leaning down and capturing my lips in his. all of a sudden it felt like home, like this was it, the thing id wanted for so long and never found. his other hand made its way to my waist as he deepend the kiss. i sighed into him, practically melting against his mouth like chocolate left outside in the sun on a hot day. when he pulled away he rested his forehead against mine and smiled like an idiot, one i gladly returned.

"fucking finally."

i heard from behind me, the bus door clicking closed. both of us turned to look, seeing ricky and chris standing there grinning from ear to ear. i had a mad blush splayed across my face now and was thankful that the light was behind me so it would be harder to see.

"how long have you been standing there?"

i demanded, walking to chris and punching his arm. he laughed in pain as he rubbed his arm.

"long enough to see the sparks fly."

he teased, pushing me back. i rolled my eyes at him.

"get your ass back in the bus."

i said opening the door and escorting him back inside. he made kissy noises at me as rick followed him up the stairs. i shook my head and turned around, jumping a little bit at vinnys presence behind me.

"rick had kind of been waiting for that for a while."

he said, looking up at the now closed door. i raised a a brow.

"oh?"

i asked and he sent me a bashful smile, scratching the back of his neck lightly.

"ive been crushing over you for a while too. and being jealous of chris just as long, rick's been pushing me to say something. i guess it just took one last little push."

he shamefully laughed out.

"at least now we're on the same page."

i said before standing on my tip toes and bringing him down to kiss me again, both of his hands going to my waist.

"now come on, im still cold and the bus is much warmer."

i joked and he nodded along.

"agreed."

#wattpad #x reader #vinny mauro #miw #vinchenzo mauro #Vincenzo Mauro #imagines #one shots #243

[scoutception]

Ys VI: The Ark of Napishtim review

After the release of Ys II, and the conclusion of the original story of the Ys games, the series went through a bit of a rough period, as the next three entries were, less than ideal. Ys III: Wanderers from Ys changed the gameplay from the topdown, bump combat gameplay to a sidescroller reminiscent of Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, and rather fittingly ended up as the black sheep of the series. Ys IV went back to the bump system, but rather confusingly released as two separate games by two separate developers, neither of them Falcom; The Dawn of Ys by Hudson Soft for the PC Engine CD, and the far inferior Mask of the Sun by Tonkin House for the SNES. Finally, Ys V: Lost Kefin, Kingdom of Sand was released for the SNES, by Falcom themselves, and in its attempts to evolve from the bump combat, had become something that barely resembled Ys in gameplay, graphics, or music. While none of these games were outright bad, and The Dawn of Ys in particular is held up as the best of the classic Ys games, the series just couldn’t properly commit to a direction to take the series next, and Falcom put the series to rest after V’s release for a while, barring the Ys I and II Eternal remakes. Finally, though, in 2003, 8 years after Ys V’s release, the series was finally given a new game, one that would finally carve out the evolution of the series’ gameplay, and allow it to confidently continue even to the present day. This is Ys VI: The Ark of Napishtim, easily the most important game in the series other than the original two. As for how it pulled it off, and how it holds up, that’s what we’re checking out today. The version I played is the PC version, available through Steam and GOG.

Story: 6 years since the events of Ys I and II, Adol Christin, accompanied by his now long time companion Dogi, has since become a legend throughout the continent of Eresia for his exploits. One day, Adol is reunited with Terra, an ally of his from Ys V, who has since become a member of a pirate crew led by her father, Ladock. Adol and Dogi accompany the pirate crew to investigate the Canaan Islands, a mysterious set of islands surrounded by the Great Vortex, a perpetual vortex that destroys any ship that draws near (basically just the Bermuda Triangle). Unfortunately, the ship is attacked by the fleet of the Romun Empire (no guesses as to who they’re based off of), and Adol is swept into the Great Vortex while saving Terra during the chaos, once again proving Adol should never be trusted to get on a boat. Adol washes up on Quatera Island, which is inhabited by the Rehda, a race of long eared and tailed people who worship the goddess Alma, who is of the same race as the goddesses of Ys. Adol is saved by Olha, the priestess of the Rehda, and Isha, Olha’s little sister, but soon discover that outsiders such as him, several of whom have built a town on a neighboring island, are distrusted by the Rehda, and that leaving the Canaan Islands is impossible due to the Great Vortex. After saving Isha from a strange monster known as a “Wandering Calamity”, however, Adol gains the respect of the Rehda and is gifted a sword made of emelas, a magical ore used extensively by the Rehda. Setting out to the Eresian made town of Port Rimorge and meeting with Raba, a returning ally from Ys I, Adol sets out to discover the secrets of the Canaan Islands and find a way to dispel the Great Vortex, soon encountering three malicious fairies with control over monsters, and a mysterious mercenary named Geis, who seems to know far more about the islands than he lets on.

While it’s actually a pretty unusual plot setup compared to most RPG stories, it’s pretty lacking in execution, simply because the plot just isn’t present for most of the game. By the time the main antagonist, Ernst, makes an appearance, and things besides just running around collecting plot items are happening, it’s just too little, too late, which leaves the ending of the game more than a bit unmemorable. Still, the writing has the typical Falcom charm, and the various NPCs actually have a lot to say over the course of the game, if you care about that sort of thing, like me. There’s not much more for me to say, so let’s just move right on.

Gameplay: Ys VI, as the first 3D game in the series, plays quite a bit different from the games that came before, yet unlike previous games, finally makes it feel like a proper evolution from the original duology, though it’s actually based heavily on Ys V. The bump combat is gone for good, with Adol now having a dedicated attack button, along with a jump button for some rather meager platforming. Adol’s moveset isn’t very impressive at first, only consisting of a 3 slash combo, a jump slash, a down thrust, and a lunge attack, but over the course of the game, he acquires 3 different elemental swords, each with an additional move and magical spell after being charged up. While shields and armor can be bought or found as usual, the swords instead need to be upgraded at Port Rimorge with emel, a resource dropped by enemies. Upgrading the swords not only increase their attack power, but gradually unlock new abilities as well. There are also accessories, with effects ranging from a simple boost to attack and defense, to increasing the amount of gold or emel dropped by enemies, to providing immunity to status effects, and so forth. While Adol only has one accessory slot to start, certain treasure chests throughout the game will bestow additional slots, up to a max of 5.

Unlike the original duology, Adol can no longer regenerate health by standing still, barring the use of an endgame accessory, nor can you save anywhere. Instead, saving is done at monuments scattered out all across the different areas of the game, which also restore Adol’s health to max and cures him of any status effects. Beyond that, however, Adol can carry several different healing items of varying strengths, which can either be purchased from merchants or dropped by enemies, and you’ll be needing them. Even on nightmare difficulty, Ys VI is on the easier side compared to a lot of other Ys games, but it’s still a struggle in its own right, just for the exact wrong reasons, mostly due to the lack of the refinements found in the other Ys games that use Ys VI’s engine. There are many enemies that utterly obnoxious, whether from flying in the air and being difficult to hit, using projectiles, or dealing very difficult to avoid collision damage, and Adol’s moveset isn’t versatile enough to deal with this, meaning, in classic Ys fashion, you’re going to be doing a lot of grinding to get anywhere, whether it be grinding levels or emel. The grinding isn’t nearly as long or boring as in a lot of RPGs, but it can still be irritating, especially in nightmare mode, where you need to do an absolutely unreasonable amount of it to get anywhere due to how much health even the lowliest enemies have. Status effects can also be an annoyance. They consist of poison, which saps health over time, heavy, which severely reduces Adol’s running speed and jumping height, confusion, which reverses your controls, and curse, which reduces Adol’s attack power. All of these except curse fade over time, can be prevented or cured with accessories, and can be cured with certain items, but the problem is that enemies that can inflict these effects do so way too often, and most often appear at a point where you have a good deal of more useful accessories, and too few slots to really manage them on top of this. Hardly a game breaking issue, but still one you’ll likely feel, especially since heavy can outright stunlock you, depending on the enemy.

The areas and dungeons you go through aren’t anything special, for the most part, being pretty linear and basic in design, but there are a few that stick out negatively, namely the Ruins of Lost Time, with some very aggressive and dangerous enemies, along with items that can only be reached with the very finicky dash jump technique, something’s nearly impossible to perform using the mouse, with keyboard or controller being the only reasonable options, along with the overly long and mazelike Limewater Cave, containing many of the game’s most annoying enemies. Bosses, on the other hand, tend to be a much more enjoyable time, thanks to having actual, understandable patterns that make them much more reasonable to take on, and there’s some pretty interesting and fun concepts among them, from a giant hopping, spinning robot that gradually destroys the safe ground as the fight goes on, to an ancient statue that hangs out in the background and can only be significantly damaged by magic, to the difficult multi phase fight with Galba-Roa, and especially the duel with the empowered Ernst. They’re legitimately intense fights, yet rarely feel unfair, and are by far the biggest highlight of the game. There’s even some optional bosses that reward you with accessories, or simply give you a large boost in EXP, though they’re among the less well designed fights.

Finally, some of the changes made by Xseed for the English PC version are worth taking note of. Firstly, and most importantly, the item Alma’s Wing, which was formerly merely an item used for escaping dungeons, has instead been given the functionality of warping between monuments, something that saves a tremendous amount of backtracking, especially during the actually quite rewarding sidequests. Secondly, a new gameplay mode is available, separate from difficulty options, called Catastrophe mode. In  Catastrophe mode, healing items cannot be kept in the inventory, and any normally found in treasure chests have been replaced. Instead, any that are dropped by enemies are used automatically on pickup, making the gameplay a bit more like The Oath in Felghana and Ys Origin. As compensation for this loss, stat boosting seeds are available to purchase from merchants in unlimited quantities, allowing you to boost your stats far past what you’d be able to achieve normally, if you have the patience to grind the money for them. While it’s an interesting mode in concept, the game really isn’t balanced around not having inventory healing items, which can make for a pretty frustrating time. Overall, though, while there’s certainly a good deal of flaws that were ironed out in later games, the gameplay of Ys VI is still quite a bit of fun. It successfully translates the simple fun of blazing through a bunch of enemies, and despite the annoyances, it’s surprisingly addicting.

Graphics: Ys VI uses a mix of prerendered sprites for characters and enemies and polygonal environments, a style also used in the Trails in the Sky games. While it’s hardly aged the best, it has a charm to it that keeps it appealing. Bosses, on the other hand, are rendered in surprisingly decent polygonal graphics. The artstyle used for character portraits isn’t anything special, but they’re well drawn nonetheless, and every NPC gets one of their own, which definitely adds some more life to them all.

Music: Ys VI’s soundtrack, composed by members of the Music Sound Team jdk, namely Wataru Ishibashi and Hayato Sonoda, at least according to the credits, is, in Falcom tradition, a blast. While on an overall, it’s not quite as memorable as, say, the soundtracks to the original games, or The Oath in Felghana, the tracks that stand out are fantastic. Some of my favorites are Quatera Woods, the titular theme for the first area in the game, Mighty Obstacle, the standard boss theme, Mountain Zone, the theme of the first dungeon, Defend! And Escape!, the theme for the game’s obligatory escort mission, and Ernst’s titular boss theme.

Conclusion: Overall, Ys VI makes for a rather odd game in the series, even to write about. In a way, it’s an odd jack of all trades, at least among the games using its engine. It’s not as difficult as most in the series, and is still much more accessible than the games made before it, but its lack of polish and plain frustrating design compared to later games can make it difficult to recommend in comparison, especially to newcomers. Overall, however, I’d still give it a recommended. It still manages to be a fun ride on its own that doesn’t overstay its welcome, and if nothing else absolutely deserves appreciation for putting the series on the right path forward. Till next time. -Scout

#game review #ys #falcom #jrpg #long post #xseed games

[itsnotokbutwereallright]

Oh! Oh! If you’re taking prompts from the Drabble list, could you do a #38/39?? Or your choice!!

This rambling brought to you by writer's block, margaritas, and a sudden urge to write instead of working from home.

*****************

"I'm just tired"

"It just...hurts"

The capacity for want had been beaten out of Natalia and the other Red Room girls early. They were taught that wanting something meant it could be used against them. Money, fame, and the attention of a beautiful woman were the most common desires of their targets; the Red Room trained them to ensure the third became the only. Natalia quickly became adept at manipulating men (and sometimes women) to succeed. They were taught first not to express wanting. If a girl wanted a specific weapon, it was used against her. If they asked for an extra portion, they went hungry. And if they asked to rest, the girl never came back to her bed. Instructors repeatedly hammered into the girls that their only desire should be to serve the Soviet state; anything else was a weakness, and there was no weakness allowed in the Red Room. The girls learned not to ask for anything, and they learned to accept what they were given. 

One time, at the end of what had been a particularly bloody mission, she caught herself wishing she had more discretion about who died at her hands. She made the mistake of asking her handler why even those in their beds had to die. Her arm was broken and she was forced to sleep in a concrete cell for a week without medical care for questioning the orders she was given. It was a painful, but effective, lesson. Wishing led to wanting.

It wasn't until a man in black with a fucking bow and arrow was chasing her through Eastern Europe that anyone brought up wanting with Natalia again. When he finally cornered her in Budapest, panting against a wall with blood in her eyes and an arrow aimed at her heart, Hawkeye asked, "Do you want to hear an offer that doesn't end with an arrow in a vital organ?" She'd been planning to catch her breath so she could break his hands. The recruitment offer had sparked a pain in her chest that she'd grit her teeth against as she nodded. 

The next few days were a blur of questioning, testing, and more instances of that chest pain than she was willing to acknowledge. People kept asking her what she wanted, so Natalia did what she had been taught to do - manipulated them into giving her an indication of what they wanted and pushing that agenda forward. It was determined she was able to be released to the SHIELD base at large after only four days. When she walked into the cafeteria for her first meal outside of a cell, all eyes were on her until she slipped on a friendly mask and went through the line. The agents cautiously turned back to their meals, except for Hawkeye (Agent Barton, she reminded herself). He studied her with those cool blue eyes and a wry twist of the mouth as she sat, then stole the pudding cup off her tray. It was a game she'd been playing for as long as she could remember, and she knew better than to show a reaction. It turned that twist into a frown, but Natalia ignored it as she ate the vegetables off her plate and diverted him with asking about the various facilities. He'd want her to take an interest in her new home.

Clint would needle her into making choices between two things - pineapple on pizza or no? Milky Way or Three Musketeers? Cats or dogs? He normally did it at a time where she was focused on something else - once, memorably, as she was hanging out the passenger window trying to blow out the tires of an SUV that was chasing them through the streets of Puerto Vallarta. She'd been annoyed about that one and took it out on him on the mats - in the middle of the night, after she dragged him from his bed. Afterwards, as he lay panting on his back, he gasped out the logic. If she didn't have time to think, if he could get her brain to turn off, it became more of a gut instinct. She couldn't play off of what people wanted to hear, he'd said while side-eyeing her. The searing pain in her chest stopped her from acting on a want right then. She'd strolled to the locker room only to collapse with shuddering breaths as soon as the door closed. Natasha resolved that she would get rid of this trigger on her own. No matter how long it took. 

Six months later, she hadn't progressed much beyond smacking Clint's hand away from her pudding cups and stealing his fluffiest blanket when she came to his room. There would be plenty of times that Clint flashed that grin at her, the one so sure of itself, that she had to step back to keep the pain from showing. The smile dimmed a little, but it made Natasha work harder for the day when she could show how she felt.

A year after that, Natasha had started stealing the cookies off his tray, and was firmly team pineapple. She was able to go to him on particularly rough nights (the hospital fire, waking up to the smell of smoke in her nose and a ringing in her ears) and ask to stay - always on his couch. He didn't ask about the bed after her first vehement rejection of the idea. 

It was another six months before she could say the words to her mirror. The day that Natasha convinced herself to say them outside of her room, she walked into breakfast to find him sitting hip to hip with an agent named Bobbi - sharing a muffin. The heaving in her stomach had never been a sign of a trigger before, so she could only blame herself. Natasha dipped her head courteously as she nabbed an apple and headed back out to the gym. Stupid girl - wanting is weakness. The faintly Slavic accent couldn't be ignored, no matter how much Natasha had changed since the Red Room. They were right all along. It would just have to be packed away and ignored. She'd done it this long, she could keep doing it.

Except that she couldn't close Pandora's box once it had been opened. Every laugh, every secretive wink, every time Clint showed up to a briefing late and flushed, it was like a dagger to her heart. Natasha pushed herself as hard as the Red Room had taught her and tried desperately to forget. The risks that she took on missions became greater; Coulson and Clint side-eyeing her in briefings but unable to argue with results. And that pain in her chest became more and more frequent, until it was just a continuous pain that made her want to scream that Clint was HERS. Still she kept quiet, though the distraction of Clint and Bobbi started causing mistakes. Little ones at first that only she noticed, but they gradually became larger. When they were panting in a warehouse in Istanbul (not Constantinople, dammit Clint for singing that on the way here) it was clear she had Fucked Up. They had found temporary cover and Clint was cursing in several languages as he tried to staunch the bleeding from her abdomen. 

"What is going on with you?! You've been in black ops for as long as you've been alive! What the hell were you thinking?!"

She shook her head. She hadn't been thinking. At least, not of the mission. She'd been thinking about the slim gold band she'd seen Bobbi Morse wearing in the cafeteria this morning. One that matched the ring on the chain Clint stashed in his locker on the Quinjet before they disembarked. "I'm just tired."

He snorted at her. "Oh, spare me the bullshit. You could beat these assholes with only your pinky toe if you had your head in the game." They heard the roaring of ATVs at the same time. "Keep the pressure on that. I'll take care of this and then we're going home to figure this shit out." She shook her head again, but he ignored her and moved to high ground to take out the gang they had been assigned to monitor. Once that was done and the emergency evac was on its way, Natasha pretended to pass out to avoid the discussion. She did actually pass out from shock at some point, she assumed, as she woke up in a white room in a med bay with fresh stitches and an IV. Clint had his dirty boots on her bed as he played an invisible drum set to music only he could hear. It was just another thing she lo- 

Sharp pain, gasping as she came off the bed. Clint jerked up and tried to grab her so she didn't run. "Tasha, Tasha, I'm here! You're safe! It's okay!" Shallow, rapid breaths as she tried to focus on something other than the necklace that she could glimpse beneath his collar. "Come on, Nat, deep breaths," he tried to soothe as he reached to jab the nurse call button. 

"Back. Up," she managed to force out as she slapped his hand away from her remote. A panic attack. God, if Ivan could see her now. Yelena would kill her in a heartbeat. Clint jerked back, more from surprise than anything else. Hurt showed in his eyes, but he stayed with her. Natasha forced her breathing to regulate. If this is what her body was forcing her to, she would have to fess up. It took several minutes to get her breathing under control, but Clint stayed the whole time. "Sit down and stop staring at me," she grumbled at him.

"Excuse me for being concerned," he snapped, but he sat. "Does this mean you're ready to explain?"

Natasha closed her eyes and nodded. "You don't get to say anything until I'm done." It wasn't worth checking for a response. "I love you, Clint. It's not fair for me to say that to you, not with what you and Bobbi have, but I can't not tell you. It just...hurts. I've wanted to say something for two years, but I was trying to break the conditioning and I couldn't even out, and then when I could it was too late, and ever since then it's just been pain and I feel so weak and I hate it," her breathing started speeding up again and she had fistfuls of the sheets as she tried to anchor herself but couldn't and she ruined everything and…

Clint placed his hand over hers. "Two years?" Natasha slowly nodded, not loosening her grip on the sheets. "What a mess," he sighed. Natasha squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to cry in front of him. "Tasha, I've loved you since that day you let me steal the pudding off your tray without breaking all of my fingers. I waited for you to be ready. No one should go through what you've gone through. You survived, and you deserve to set your life on your terms. Bobbi and me? It was a bet that escalated really quickly. She's got her sights set on some British hot shot, and I've been busy pining after my partner." A tear leaked out of her eye and was brushed away, causing her to open them. "I want you, Natasha."

Finally, finally she could say the words. "I want you, too." He moved to capture her lips and she put a hand on his chest. "I also want a shower. And some food. Like pineapple pizza."

"Aw, Nat," was Clint's answering whine.

"And then? We'll see what else we find out I want."

He laughed, loud and long, and was allowed to push the button to call the nurse. "Let's get out of here."

#clintasha #writing #fanfiction #prompt response

[secretlynestaarcheron]

COLD AS ICE

Figure skating x hockey player

TWO: Cassian and The Bet

Cassian ran a hand through his wet hair as he makes his way back out towards the locker room, he throws his towel over his shoulder as he unlocks his locker. “Hey Cas, are you coming to the party tonight?” I heard a rumor that Tamlin might be there,” Rhysnd says from where he was sitting on the bench slipping on his shoes.

Cassian rolls his head, he was already feeling the tension in his shoulders from the stress semester, “I don’t know man, I’ve got a ton of homework and I don’t really feel like getting involved with Tamlin before the game this weekend.”

“Never thought I’d hear the day that Cassian Monte would say no to brawl, who are you becoming?” Tomas cheers from the other side where he changes despite not doing much throughout practice besides sitting on the bench. He was only on the team because his father donated the new bleachers.

Cassian looks over at Rhysand with a deadpan expression, growing up in foster care made Cassian a fighter but once he joined the hockey team in highschool where he met Rhysand and Azriel he had a new reason to fight. The only reason he was at this school working towards a degree in engineering was because of hockey.

He wouldn’t let his scholarship be taken away because of some fight off the ice or a bad grade in an easy class, Rhysand understood it but unfortunately not a lot of the rich kids on the team did. “I got an eight am tomorrow, why don’t you come have a few drinks and then we can head back to the apartment together?” Azriel chimes in, being the voice of reason as always.

Cassian frowns, rubbing his chin, “Okay, but text me when you’re heading over and if I haven’t gotten a load of my homework done its a no from me,” he retorts, slipping on his jacket and leaving the locker room.

As he makes his way towards the exit, he stops short when he sees Nesta sitting down on the bench in front of the rink, ear muffs and scarf pulled tightly around her neck. She had her knees to her chest as she clutched a book in front of her face.

He stepped forward, grabbing his keys from his pocket, he felt the need to go out there and talk to her. To pick on her, or maybe to offer her a ride home. He shakes his head at the thought, she was probably waiting for Mor or possibly her own personal driver.

He steps out in the cold making his way towards the parking lot where his beat up jeep was, it was a typical cliche but it was cheap and he needed transportation to take his gear all over the place. He jumps into the front seat, quickly sticking his key into the ignition before blasting the heat.

Once his mirrors are set and he can feel his hands, he pulls out of the driveway, looking over the bench in front of the rink where Nesta was gathering her stuff and moving towards the bus. He furrowed his brow, watching as she smiled at the bus driver chatting as she handed him her card. She had a transportation card. He curses himself for assuming that she was waiting on a personal driver.

There was more to her than he thought, he figured the blonde hair and figure skating made her the prime stereotype for rich white girls. There’s a beep and he looks in his rearview to see Rhysand sticking his hands up in confusion.

He waves apologetically before turning towards campus, where he was going to seat himself in the library and knock out the rest of his homework. His phone chimes after a couple hours and he looks up as someone shushes him, smiling apologetically, he grabs his backpack and answers the phone as he exits the library.

“Yeah, I know, I am heading home now,” Cassian retorts before the person even said hello.

“I am glad you just now remembered,” Azriel says on the other side but he was chuckling, “Where are you? I’ll just pick you up from there.”

“He’s probably still in his loungewear from after practice he is not going to a party in his joggers and teeshirt,” Rhysand calls out from the passenger seat, “He’ll come home and change, I don’t care if you’re late.”

Cassian rolls his eyes, “I am at the library,” he says.

“Cool, I’ll see you there,” Azriel retorts earning a groan from Rhysand. He leans against the wall, flipping mindlessly through Instagram while he waits for the slick black car to pull up. He finds himself pulling up Nesta Archerons page, he was trying to know more about her.

There were pictures of her with Mor, dressed up for parties or hanging in the quad, as well as a few of her competing, she looked angelic on the ice. He scrolls far enough down that he stumbles upon a picture of Nesta laying down on a hospital bed her head against an older lady who looks just like her. The lady is talking with a bright smile and Nesta looks over at her with sparkling eyes.

Cassian was familiar with the bright blue cap on the ladies head and all the IV’s, he was there when his own mother had passed away from cancer, he scrolled down her captain only a yellow heart, the comments full of condolences. Her mother had passed away as well. He takes note of the date it was posted, six years ago today.

He felt weird, he honestly kind of felt like that guy Joe from that stalker show. She posted on her instagram for all of her followers to see but he still felt like he was invading her personal space, as if he wasn’t welcomed.

“Stop spacing out and get in the car, it’s already six!” Rhysand yells. Cassian looks up to see him halfway out the window, waving wildly at his friend. Azriel shrugs in the driver seat as Cassian jumps into the back. “What were you so deep in thought about?”

Cassian runs a hand through his hair, “All the organic chem homework I am going to have to do when I get home at eight,” he says.

Rhysand laughs, “Like you're actually going to get home by eight,” he chuckles, reaching forward to turn up the music before Cassian has any objections.

Rhysand grabs his shoulder before moving past him into the house, it was already bumping full of intoxicated college (and probably some highschool) students and bland techno music. “Nesta! Nesta! Nesta!” a group of college kids in the back chanted catching the attention of Cassian as he moved his way through the crowd.

She sat on the kitchen island, taking shot after shot of some unknown liquid that happened to be neon blue. She took the last one, punching her hands into the air as she turns to the crowd letting out a loud cheer. The crowd cheers along with her but quickly makes their way deeper into the party aside from a few college guys who linger around her.

“People don’t know it but you’re such a crackhead,” Mor says as Nesta moves off the island, stumbling into Mor’s shoulder as she regains her balance. She looks up, her bright green eyes catching his, she pushes herself up keeping contact with him. “What? What are you looking at-Oh, Cassian,” Mor says, turning to face him, moving a hand around Nesta’s waist. “This is the last time I DD for her.”

Nesta rest her head against Mor shoulder, he wonders if she’s always been like this at parties or if it had anything to do with her mom. He had seen her at parties before, finding a dark corner and pulling a book from her bag to read. He had never seen her like this but he never really gets out much either.

“Amren!” Mor yells, groaning loudly, “God, why are both of them such bad drunks? Could you watch her while I grab Amren? I really hope I am not this bad when I am drunk.”

She pushes Nesta towards him, as she pushes through the crowd to find Amren, another figure skater on the team. He holds her up, looking around the room deciding what he should do next. His eyes fixate on a girl across the room talking with Rhysand, she had the same dirty blonde hair as Nesta as well as the same facial expressions.

Rhysand looks over at her, gaining the attention of the girl as well, her eyes widen and she bolts away from Rhysand who looks after sadly. “Cassian?” Nesta murmurs, looking up at him, blinking to regain focus in her eyes, she pushes his arm around her. “What are you doing here?”

“Babysitting you, apparently,” he says with a roughness that’s a little too sharp. She blinks up at him, her arms dropping to her side, “Wanna go outside?”

She looks up at him before nodding, she follows behind him towards the back door, Cassian didn’t know whose house this was but they would have a giant mess to clean up tomorrow morning for sure. He lead her over to a porch swing, she fell into it putting a hand against her forehead.

“My 9:30 class tomorrow is going to suck,” she murmurs, her head moving to the side, as she closed her eyes. He pushed off his foot, moving the swing lightly back and forth, “Who’s idea was it to have a party on a thursday?”

“Probably those kids from Autumn Court, their parents paid for their degrees so they don’t need to worry about class,” he hums, leaning back and looking up at the dark sky, “You know, I am still mad about your post.”

She groans, turning to look at him, “Seriously? If your team could have scheduled another practice anytime that day, but you chose to pick the two hours we were in there,” she says, pushing herself into an upright position staring down at him. “I want to see you do what I can do, you couldn’t even if I trained you.”

He raises an eyebrow, “Okay, deal.”

She frowns at him, running a hand through her tangled hair, “What do you mean? Deal? I didn’t make a deal with you?” she says, her speech quickly sobering up. “I don’t want to make a deal with you.”

He rubs his chin, “The game against Spring Court is this Sunday and so is your conpetition, you teach me to figure skate and I’ll teach you how to play hockey, first one to quit loses,” he retorts, “This way we’ll both learn how to appreciate each other's sports.”

She looks down at his extended hand, before grabbing it, “Deal, I hope you like losing. Balancing on one leg while wearing a revealing costume is a lot harder than hitting a puck with a stick.”

He rolls his eyes, turning as the door opens, he frowns standing up quickly, “Tamlin, what are you doing here?” he says, squaring up and blocking Nesta from his view. He looks down at the small frame beside him, the familiar girl that Rhysand was talking to earlier.

“Cassian,” Tamlin says, his lip curling into a smile, “Haven’t seen you in a long while, I am sure you’ll go back into hiding when we beat you this weekend.”

Cassian feels a shove and Nesta is standing in front of him, her eyebrows furrowed, “Feyre Archeron, what the hell are you doing here,” she growls, her eyes on fire as she looks at Tamlin, “Do you realize that she’s seventeen?”

Feyre frowns as Tamlins arm falls from where it was around her shoulder, “Way to kill my vibe, Nes, some sister you are,” she snaps, turning on her heel angrily and running into the house.

“Don’t you run away from me, we are having words, just because dad doesn’t care anymore doesn’t mean you can do something stupid like that!” she yells after her, following her through the open door, disappearing into the crowd of people.

“That’s pretty sick, man,” Cassian says turning back towards Tamlin who shrugged in response, “It’s not like we did anything, besides she’ll be eighteen soon enough. Her sister is pretty firey, maybe I’ll have her entertain me until Freyes birthday,”

Cassian gripped his fist, his nails piercing the hard skin in his palms, “I’ll see you on Sunday,” he says calmly, before pushing past him and back into the house looking around for Rhysand or Azriel. He had wasted enough time here.

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Tagged: @awesomelena555 @catwomancabello @sannelovesreading @candid-confetti @gendryaforthemasses @musicmaam @skychild29 @empress-ofbloodshed  @8emmy @overgrown-bat

#nessian #nessian fanfiction #Nesta archeron #Cassian #sjmaas #figure skating au #feyre archeron #elain archeron #morrigan #amren #actoar fanficition #acotar #actoar #acomaf #nessian au #nessian instagram au #instagram au

[wincore]

AGREEEE, WORKING OVER THE WEEKEND IS THE WORST esp since im in uni full time and i work 9-5 on the weekends which means... no breaks for me ever.. 🥲

MASSIVE CRUSH ON OIKAWA OMGGG I SUPPORT THIS!!!!! but i am unfortunately much older than 15 and still enamored by 2d men 😔 life’s rough like that HDJWKDJ YES ATSUMU CAUSES PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE.. HES THE WORST!! btw.. ive heard that the oikawa to atsumu stan pipeline is very real... so if u get to s4.. u may develop atsumu brain rot like me 👁_👁

OOO alright run on, extracurricular, vincenzo, true beauty, love alarm, & perfect crime. NOTED!! ive actually been meaning to watch extracurricular for a while now, it looks so interesting!! now that it has the wincore seal of approval i must watch 😤 OMGG SAKURADA DORI I SAW HIM IN ALICE IN BORDERLAND!! super good show but really gore heavy at some points 👁

ahh ok thank u for the reccs, ive been thinking about starting demon slayer too!! shoplifters sounds really interesting :oo crime??? i havent watched a full movie in a while so i will def check it out!! THESE R ALL GOING IN MY NOTES APP.

NEXT YEARRR omg it sounds far away but i know time passes so quickly nowadays so I WILL WISH U LUCK ONCE AGAIN 💛 i hope u update us when the time comes!!

UGHWHHD EVEN THIS SYNOPSIS IS MAKING ME MISS UR WRITING?!? I LOVE THE WAY U WORD IT... “given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear” AHHHHHHH omg “he’s in a relationship and doesn’t rlly care about the soulmate system” THIS IS ALWAYS SUCH A PAINFUL SCENARIO IN SOULMATE AUS PLSS!!! Wait is the soulmate of yn gonna be an oc/vague character or another member :O EITHER WAY... PAIN! THIS IS GETTING ME SO EXCITED AND U HAVENT EVEN MENTIONED ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT JAEHYUN’S LIKE IN THIS FIC YET

RUNWAY CHARACTER CAMEOOOS YESS I LOVE RUNWAY YN!!!! i actually reread it last night and ugh i was reminded how much i love yns personality... just the process of experiencing all tht self doubt with them!!! so real & makes u root for them :’)

“if jeno plays edward i need him to that apple scene like taemin did” WHHHHHWJDJJWJDBW THIS MADE ME CHOKE ON THE WATER I WAS DRINKING LMFAO

GODDDD THESE TROPE/MEMBER PAIRINGS, HARD AGREE HARD AGREE!!! HAECHAN AND RENJUN ARE E2L 100%!!!! i think bc the ppl in the bff2l category cant convincingly hate yn back LOL

“gets complimented on his lyricism often but like every song’s about you” STOPPPPP HES SO PERFDCT FOR THIS TROPE!!!!!

OMG I SEE EXACTLY WHAT U MEAN ABT SICHENG IN ROYALTY/CHAEBOL AUS... i think like u said it’s because of his poise & the way ppl are generally in awe of him but also bc of his reluctance to open up!! more reserved until he trusts u... funny and kind but sometimes perceived as aloof... those r some prince tendencies! “what are corporate businesses but modern day kingdoms” LMFAOOWJDJ SERIOUSLY THO

“mans really said i will not give you any onscreen idol personality to work with” HDJWJDJWJSJ LITERALLYYYY this is why i have trouble reading jaehyun fics sometimes bc sometimes they can feel “inaccurate” but its mostly just bc there’s no Standard Personality Stereotype to go off of. but a random & uncommon trope i think he’d pair well with is exes to lovers!! Yes im basically just a jaehyun + angst advocate.

“i think most of them would pair well with bff2l??” FACTTTTTTT and no im not just saying this bc its one of my favorite tropes.. heh... i think i told u this before?? but ur like the main reason i started enjoying e2l!!! i didnt like it before bc i love the PINING in bff2l but then i started reading ur works n was like OH SHIT! THERES LOADS OF PINING HERE TOO...

i think yangyang is not bff2l or e2l, he is in his own category which is Annoyer2Lover HDJWKDJ ex: troublemaker, wasted nights

OMGGGG I DID NOT EXPECT ROYALTY AU TO HAVE SUCH A LARGE LEAD IN THE SURVEY??? and cryptids is so low 😔😔 cmon guys, vampires r fun!!!

WE R LITERALLY WRITING ESSAYS TO EACH OTHER RN BUT I LOVE IT 🥺🥺 its a such a nice break to read ur response when im burnt out from studying!!

OMG IM GOING THROUGH #moonwrites AND IM LITERALLY AN IDIOTTTT IVE BEEN OFF TUMBLR FOR SO LONG I DIDNT REALIZE THAT ROMEO ROULETTE HAD A PREVIEW OUT????

“And I get what out of this?” “Me?” IM IN LOVE WITH THIS CHARACTERS PERSONALITY ALREADY LMFAOO

“—and when this whole game you’re playing is over, you’re going to say I rejected you.” ?!?!???? THE WAY JAEHYUN IS A LITTLE SHIT! THEIR PERSONALITIES ARE BOTH SO FUN PLSJWJDJEJ IM MORE EXCITED NOW!!

pls disregard the part in my last ask where i asked abt romeo roulette.... i had no idea all of the information i needed was sitting right in front of me 😔😔

- tata

WHAT 9 TO 5 ON EVERY WEEKEND???? the system has failed you this honestly feels like a villain origin story 😭 when does it get better???

ALSO let me answer the other asks separately for better readability lol we really out here writing essays GOOD THING i have practice writing but like. this is infinitely better to write 🥰

PLSSS SOMETIMES I WILL SEE AN EDIT/TIKTOK OF OIKAWA AND BE LIKE DAMN I REALLY NEED TO CATCH UP I MISS THIS MF also are you daring me to ruin my life for 2d men bc i will do it without hesitation. wait till i watch hq again and get that atsumu brainrot with you he seems annoying enough for me to like ^_^

AND YES PLS I WAS SO ABSORBED IN IT!! extracurricular was the most gripping show i’ve watched in a while like yes enough teen romance give me two unhinged teenagers doing crime 🤩 AND OMG??? THAT’S WHERE WE SAW HIM TOO and although niragi was literally vomit-inducing human trash, sakurada dori is like. a good actor. except i hated coffee&vanilla which starred him it was literally so cringe i couldn’t 😭 i blame the writers for that though. IM EXCITED FOR S2 OF ALICE IN BORDERLAND THO i really like horror (and i can tolerate gore if ive been desensitized enough) and like i read the manga too!!! the games were really interesting (although morbid).

😭😭 MY NOTES APP IS FULL OF RECS FROM FRIENDS ALL OF THEM HATE ME FOR NOT WATCHING THE SHOWS BUT LIKE. i binge 3 or 4 at a time and strike them off and then go 6 months without watching a single tv series hhh.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I SURE WILL UPDATE !!! it’s so exciting to think about grad school sometimes :33

AHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT AND THE PREVIEW TOO SGSDJKDS there’s a few differences in the actual fic i think bc i changed up the language (and i dont remember what else bc i refuse to look at my writing) JAEHYUN RLLY IS A LITTLE SHIT he’ll be like hm yeah im pretty chill :) and then proceed to beat yn at her own game at times. (she wins mostly dw) the fact that i made her soulmate cha eunwoo like girl if i were you i’d crash their relationship 🥱 (jk) but like. jaehyun too is 🤩 despite being dry af

ASDKDSKDS YOU REREAD ALL (ALMOST) 19K WORDS ??? IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE THAT FIC SM AAAAHHH IM FEELING LIKE AN ACTUAL AUTHOR 🥰 i loved runway yn too they were like boss attitude with 20% anxiety.

LOOK JENO BETTER BE PULLING MOVES LIKE THAT TO IMPRESS THE GIRLS 😤 if he hits himself in the forehead with the apple, bonus points bc that was true comedy (as invented by taemin)

AND YES. LIKE I KNOW MARK HATED DONGHYUCK SO MUCH HE WANTED TO LEAVE SM BUT LIKE HE’S TOO NICE WITH EVERYONE ELSE 😭😭😭 i cannot picture him pissed off apart from that summer fight </3

thinking about dejun getting rejected by a girl he wrote a song for. rip brother.

IM GLAD YOU PUT THAT INTO WORDS BC THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS!!! he’s got all of these regal qualities but he’s still human ykyk so it makes for the most amiable person on earth 😌 i love this characterization of him!!

oof exes to lovers with jaehyun... i had a similar idea a while ago (with theme song sincerity is scary by the 1975) that i discarded bc i don’t think i’m cut out to write that 😭 (YET) so i will keep this is mind. u r so right about jaehyun feeling inaccurate bc it’s like he’s very mild in personality onscreen sometimes?? so him having strong personality traits makes me go 🤔🤔 that man is overreacting. (jkjk but like you get the idea)

WAIT RLLY OMG BC OF ME???? i would never enjoy e2l irl bc irl dudes are 🤢🤢 and if they annoy me i will end them. but in fiction the mutual pining and initial disgust at yourself for liking the other??? helllooo 🤩🤩🤩 especially if it’s in a romcom style <3 bff2l is also better in fiction bc if the relationship doesnt work out irl and the person become uncomfortable with me i will just get annoyed jskshdl

LMAO YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT YANGYANG HE’S JUST THAT™ DUDE skgkhs he feels like someone fun to hang out with but he would annoy you the whole time. also he is cute 🥰

AND EXACTLY!!!! IM HAPPY FOR ROYALTY AUS BUT CMON. LOOK AT THOSE VAMPIRE TEETH. feel like media ruined vampires for people 😔 

THIS IS SUCH A NICE BREAK FROM STUDYING HONESTLY!!!! im like working on two semi-large projects AND studying course and out-of-course material simultaneously so my brain is a little fried. thank u for this 😘

#tata 💖 #anon #answered

[paulwalltran]

Dungeons and Dragons Loneliness

Another interview with lofi music. Today was a pretty shitty day, alot on my mind. Here to unload. 

Today’s mood: Fuck it all...

It’s a mad addiction, a horrendous one. It’s all I think about, it’s all I want to talk about. Or almost anything fantasy related. I’ve recently gotten a little closer with one of my co workers. Delerner Banks, everyone calls him Del. He’s always in the tunnel, and always brings warhammer books to read and do work (whatever it is he’s working on.) We talk about fantasy related things all the time, and sometimes we bounce ideas off each other, feeling out our thoughts of settings and lore. Talking to him about some fantasy before leaving work made me feel alot better. The loneliness inside has been eating at me.

I know it’s salt, I know its jealousy, that I’m mad at my friends. They been hanging out more without me, playing cards and shit. Its not a passion of mine, its fun sometimes, but its still not me. Its what they bond over, its what they do together, and that’s what theyre into. If I had to guess, they’re okay with Dungeons and Dragons, but even my best friend said that I take it too serious. Its fallen out of their favor, it eats up a lot of time, and they each have their version of what a fun campaign would be like. In me, I said to myself, “Fine, fuck it. I’ll have to assemble another crew to play with.” Tough situation then isn’t it? Wanting to play a social game that needs bodies, during an age where social gatherings are frowned upon, because they carry a potential to spread a virus... Still, this is what I want to do. I want a group of friends, who share the same passion I do. My current friends must think ill of me, they may just want to hang out. They think that if they come hang with me, I’ll want a game of DnD without a doubt. They just want to chill and kick it, they don’t want to roll dice. But ask me once and I’ll tell you yes twice, to playing DnD. 

I love it with all my heart, all of the contents and materials are here, ready to play. No extra investments, no money needed to be spent, we can get going off of nothing like we did back then. A table top roleplaying game, we started with cardboard and lego figures, and just two books to share. But there was fun to be had, and a few heated sessions. But fun it was, the more we played the deeper i grew fond of the game. I’m even willing to experiment with other systems if I have someone to guide me. With cards, you gotta constantly update your arsenal to keep up with the meta, and let’s be real, not playing anything remotely close to meta isn’t as fun. Different formats allow different decks, and to keep current you gotta keep up. I dont have the fundings for it, I dont have the luck. I would rather buy a module that’ll last for years, versus a pack of cards. I have two books that have skyrocketed in value, cards go up and down like stocks. But thats the appeal I suppose, I don’t care for it though.

Back to the thing at hand, I’m in their group chat as they make plans. I can’t be there for all that. But fuck it, that’s all Im going to say. Fuck it, on repeat, until its engraved into my head. Pride is getting the best of me, I refused to be denied again. If it’s not something they want to do, so be it, I need to look out for me in the end.  I must muster up the courage to start playing online again, the first one wasn’t bad, but it fell apart. I need to get the courage to be social, and get over the fear that everyone expects you to be a pro player. I’m scared going into this green still, roll20 isn’t my forte. But if I want to play DnD, this seems to be my only option. It may fulfill my wish, to find friends who are just as passionate as I. My other friends, they’re over on the other side. Its fine, it truly is, they have one another, and I need to be strong. I need to find the strength in this loneliness, even though its tearing me apart. My circle becomes smaller, thats just the way of the world. Adapt to survive, be formless like water...

Dungeons and Dragons, my greatest escape. I can be anybody, and do things I normally can’t. I can clobber up bad guys, indecent folk, and finesse my way out of punishment from the law. I can save a village, a town, a kingdom, when I can hardly save myself. I can fly, cast spells, break locks, imagination is my only limit. I can hoard and amass vast amounts of riches, I myself can even become a dragon. I don’t have to be me, although a bit of me resides in everyone I’ve made before. I can never truly separate myself, from those Ive breathed life into. For hours on end, I can go anywhere, do anything, I melt into the world thats placed before me.

 Because the reality is that I’m practically shit, and nobody. The world is fucked up and jacked up and spiraling down the drain. I’m mentally fucked and my physicality is pretty much the same. I’m stuck in place when the world is demanding me to change. I lost with no real direction. No map in hand, no guide, and I’m scared out of my mind. I don’t know whether to trust the process or commit suicide. Im not sure where I’ll end up, if it’s good or bad. Im struggling, I’m suffering, and there seems to be no end. I could say I’m trying, but I would be lying, if I had to look at the brighter side. The positive things in life are so hard to identify. But my emotions are raw and hit hard, slamming against the walls in my skull. Demanding me to give them attention...and attention I give them, as they tear me up. Like being pulled at by the limbs, drawn and quartered is the method it seems like today. I was thinking that I couldn’t drink forever, my body would eventually reject. But what if I drank energy drinks on end, a heart attack to get me out of this place. I can down those all day long, so whats stopping me from taking that way out of it? Less grotesque and violent, it’ll probably be painful as hell. An organ seizing up, as the body ceases the function. I get said thinking about it sometimes, but one day, enough will be enough. But damn that lady...damn her for speaking those words... Tomorrow. If nothing is better by tomorrow, then do as you may. But sleep it off, tomorrow is another day. 

It’s not verbatim, but its the gist. Just wait for tomorrow, and hopefully things will change. The choice is still mine to make, and something in me pushes me forward, keeps me going on. Sometimes I think about who I’m leaving behind, and maybe how much it’ll hurt. The evil darkness inside me says that they’ll get over it, they have to, and time doesn’t wait. I won’t be immortalized, I’ll simply end up a statistic. That maybe itll be a few years the sadness remains fresh, but wounds always heal. Discrediting my actual existence, and any form of relations. Like I wouldn’t have made any actual impressions, people don’t weep for me now. People kind of forget I exist already, what makes me think they won’t after I’m gone? 

I think about my folks, my grandma, my girlfriend, my second family, and other close dear friends. I think about how many last will letters I would have to put out there, before I call for the curtains. Sometimes, I say I will start writing them, but they give me pause. I end up not wanting to leave this world, after pouring out my heart. Because I don’t want to leave any questions behind for people who matter, I want them to know how I felt before I passed. I want to leave with them apart of me, so they would never forget. 

Still it doesn’t change, shit is rough as of lately, work has been eating me up. I feel like Im never hundred percent, and me back on gaming is making it worst. I’ve gotten back onto Elder Scrolls Skyrim, its been my virtual version of DnD. Waiting for the Outer World Expansion, so I can get addicted to that again. All I want to do is play Dungeons and Dragons, the question is how do I make that into a living? I think being a Matthew Mercer is one in a million, I don’t think I’m that great. I’m willing to learn, grow, evolve because it is my passion, but I’m always scared of making mistakes. To be one of the greater Dungeon Masters, to be THE Wizards of the Coast Dungeon Master, it may possibly be the dream. To eat, sleep, breathe, Dee en Dee. My obsession isn’t that crazy though, I’m still behind on the lore of creatures and settings, I haven’t studied at all. But with the right drive and motivation, I would, especially with something as real as a legit group.

Enthusiastic players, who show up every week, bi weekly, once every month even, to play this fantastic game. Group of chill folks who is willing to take the Dungeon Master Mantle with I get burned out and have the desire to be in the player seat. One of those is the driving force, they make me want to plan. They make me want to make the world, the style, everything in general better, with the constructive feedback. I mean it’s been so long as I was a player in a campaign until the end, I’m beginning to think paying for a Dungeon Master wouldn’t be so bad. Once a month? A couple of hours? I mean I’m thinking like seven USD per hour? Eight isn’t bad, but after that it becomes a questionable amount. It repeats in my head, “No DnD is better than Bad DnD”, this much is probably still true. I say still because I still might want at least one session with said game, so I can at least say it was the worst after having attempt it, rolling something. Ha ha, I kid myself, I’m lying because I know the rage would be all to real and caution is my game most of the time. But I mean, I just might have to start exploring the idea, I was definitely going to ask on FaceBook if any Roll20 games was recruiting a newbie. 

Alas, today won’t be the last time I speak on the matter, Dungeons and Dragons haunt me everyday. I stare at minis, I stare at the upcoming books and modules, and I watch youtube where they tell RPG Horror Stories, Its become a huge part of my life, such as dancing once was. It almost links right into my earliest talents...writing. I love to write, just like I’m doing now. Im fairly decent at the writing game if I must say. Hey, real life failed Bard here, I should make one who always ends up playing big bro, and end up being friendzoned by all his interests. Im short, so Halfling is very true. Am I charismatic? Who knows, I can’t say for sure. But yes, I feel like this is what I need, a solid weekly game, maybe once every two weeks, hell, once every month would still be great. Something to look forward to the very least, in this life of routine and mundane. Something to look forward to for me, something that’s my own. Something I don’t need my closer friends to be apart of, since they’re not interested anyhow. I’m really talking shit because I’m hella salty, but at least I’m being upfront. Get it all out now, before the typing is done. 

It’s been a productive session, I may have to attribute it to Lofi it seems. The Lofi Hip Hop Radio on YouTube, also found on Spotify. Some tracks still strike me deep in the chest, giving me horrible flash backs and feeling in my chest. Others keep me going, forward, almost propelling. I’m currently training myself to be accustomed to the sounds, because I at first was very scared. That it would just transport me to a dark place and keep me there. I’ve been trying to confront my feelings more with this music, I think I felt better after last session like this. The more I faced myself, the better I became. Yes, I most definitely referenced Persona 4, another amazing and loved title because of the message it portrays. I always wondered what my shadow self would look like, and what they would say. But eh another time, I’m about to start rambling again. I have to conclude here, before I get off topic.

Until next time Tumblr...

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

control [jeremy h. x squipped!reader] pt.3

did you know that tumblr no longer has those lil.. lines that i liked to separate my notes from my fic with? i didnt. until now. unbelievable.

SO NOW I HAVE TO SUPPLY MY OWN and hopefully this is fine

anyway. ive been... dead for a while. summer destroyed all motivation to do Anything, but ive been forcing myself to write on and off and this part feels... shorter than it should be, but

anyway! i am alive! i have plans! i have things to write! some of them are never going to be on this blog bc theyre original works, but im always open to talk abt them skdfhdsfh

warnings: uhhhhhhh vague manipulation, and i think thats it? just general. squip. yea.

         The last time you had seen Michael Mell as a friend had been the beginning of sophomore year. He and Jeremy sat on either side of you in his basement, clutching controllers and halfheartedly playing video games. Soda went untouched and unopened, snacks left alone, and too many times had Jeremy lost on games he knew like the back of his hand. The air had been stiff and uncomfortable, and the feeling had seeped into your nerves and bones to make your stomach turn at the thought of staying longer. Jeremy wasn’t quite there, and Michael was trying too hard to be extra present to make up for it. He became doting on the two of you - quick to refill a snack bowl that had barely been touched with Jeremy following him out of the basement. That was when you found your phone and called your parents, asking if they could come pick you up - bullshitting some excuse about how you felt sick. When Michael came down, he saw you packing up your things with a half-assed apology and a shitty acting job before you tore up the stairs and nearly rammed into Jeremy in the process. Your chest had tightened as you pushed past him with a quick apology and went to wait on the front steps outside for your mom to come get you.

          That had been the beginning of the end. After that day, Jeremy had slowly stopped talking to you almost completely. Michael had tried to patch things up, to keep things going, and then he just stopped abruptly. To make things worse, you had broken down at school a few weeks after everything went silent, because you’d been alone. You wiped at your face roughly with the sleeve of your hoodie, and left the bathroom. Barely seconds after you had turned the corner to head to class, you ran straight into him - headphones on and head down - only for his gaze to find yours the moment you stumbled back. He opened his mouth to speak, and you stumbled through a rough, shitty apology before you pushed past him and onward to your class. And then you avoided him purposefully, not wanting to address that little moment of weakness you had.

          And now you were sitting in front of him, eyes red and tears streaming down your cheeks as you struggled to find your voice. Your back pressed into cold metal, the lockers clanging behind you as you pulled away and tried to say something, anything to explain yourself. But Michael just stared at you, uncertain about what to say to you. Your legs were like stone, almost as if something was keeping you from darting away, from finding a safer place to land and cry and get over the tears forced from your body.

          “[y/n]?” Michael finally said, still staring at you. The lights overhead gleamed off his glasses and headphones as he pulled them down and around his neck, music loud enough for you to hear. He gave you a quick once-over, his attention now fully on you. “You okay?”

          You went to nod only for another sob to overtake you instead. “I don’t know why I’m crying,” you admitted after a moment, voice shaking and broken. And it was sort-of true.

          “Are you sure?” He said, “hey, I, uh, I know I sorta stopped talking to you and that was kinda shitty but... I’m still here if you need someone to talk to, alright?” After a moment, he tacked on another thought, “do you need a ride home?”

         Immediately, you didn’t want to say yes. It didn’t feel right to. But you’re already nodding before you can debate anything further. “Yeah,” you said slowly at first, reaching up and wiping at your eyes. Realization hit you quick. Your bag. “Shit.”

         “What’s wrong?”

         “I, uh, kinda left my bag in the auditorium.” You hesitated to step away - you didn’t really want to go back and make an excuse to leave, to let anyone see you with puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. “Michael... can you-”

         “On it,” he gave you a small, two-finger salute, “I’ll be back in a sec!”

         As Michael took off down the hallway, you felt a pit develop in your stomach while he disappeared around the corner. Nothing felt right. You looked around for a moment, acutely aware of how silent everything had gone. When your SQUIP materialized in front of you, you avoided its gaze as you wrapped your arms tighter around yourself for a moment. The world felt a little colder, a little dimmer, and everything was off. The sound of Michael’s approaching footsteps minutes later played the steady beat for your incoming guilt-induced breakdown, and yet the boy smiled at you - as if nothing was wrong. Maybe that was because it looked like nothing was wrong. The strap of your bag was tossed over his shoulder, bouncing against his own backpack, and yet he looked at you like you were still friends.

        “Thanks,” you finally said as you reached for your bag.

        Michael stepped back, “I’ve got it,” he said with a smile, “don’t worry.”

       You let your arm fall back to your side, only to then shove your hands into your pockets. “Thanks,” you said, avoiding eye contact for a moment.

       The walk to Michael’s car was mostly quiet, with concerned glances thrown your way every now and then - that, when you caught then, were met with insecure smiles at the situation he’d been pulled into. Which.... frankly, threw you off a bit. Michael had always been the one who was better with all this feelings shit - you and Jeremy had the unhealthy habit of bottling everything up. And now Michael walked in step with you, still warm as ever - and still wearing that damn red hoodie you swore he showered in, but it still made you smile because of course Michael still took good care of it. When you hesitated for half a step upon seeing his P.T. Cruiser, he looked back at you before you shot him an uneasy smile and continued towards the passenger side. One of his moms must have given it to him - whether for his birthday or as a gift for passing his driver’s test, you weren’t sure. But the seats were still well-worn, a Pac-Man sticker stuck on the head-rest of the driver’s seat that Michael had stuck there when bored out of his mind. It was worn with age, like you’d expect it to be, but you suppressed a small smile at the fact it was still there.

      If the walk to Michael’s car had been quiet (with the occasional snippit of Michael saying something about how he still feels bad about what happened between the three of you, or about how he’s kinda sorry about the walk to the back of the parking lot) then the ride to your house was dead silent. Music flooded through the car speakers, Michael’s phone resting in your lap due to him pushing it in your direction and telling you to play whatever you want, and his attention was fully on the road - the sound of his phone’s GPS spitting out directions every so often to guide him. You watched out the window, a small sense of dread resting in your stomach the entire way, and for some reason... you felt sick.

      When the car started to roll to a stop, Michael reached up and turned the music down. “Hey, uh, you still have my number, right?”

      You blinked at him for a moment, before pulling out your phone. “I, uh, think so?” You opened your contacts, flipping through them, “I don’t think I deleted it or anything-”

      “Good,” he smiled at you, “if you ever wanna hang out, I’m, uh, pretty free since Jeremy’s busy with this whole.. play... thing.” He paused for a moment, only to follow it up quickly with “I mean if you aren’t doing anything, since - I dunno, you aren’t apart of the cast so-”

      “Okay,” you cut him off, “yeah, sure - I’m only painting the set for it, so... I’ll probably try to do that during lunch.”

      “I, uh,” he began, nodding towards your jacket, “I like your pin. Have you ever played the old shit?” When you shook your head, he was filled with excitement. “Dude. You have to come over then. I’ve got the classic Zelda stuff if you wanna play.”

      Running a hand through your hair, you just sort-of nodded in response as you opened the car door, swinging your bag over your shoulder. “Thanks for the ride, Michael.”

      You closed the car door, taking a few steps back as he pulled off and drove away, before you turned and head up to your house - pausing to notice your parent’s cars were missing. Right. Letting your bag fall down to your elbow, you began to fish through it to find your keys tucked away in the bottom of your bag, and you nearly sent the contents of your bag spilling when you went to pull it back to your shoulder. But with lightning reflexes that weren’t your own, you managed to snap into action and pull it shut before anything could spill - and when you looked up, your SQUIP was standing before you.

      Huh. “... Thank you?” You zipped your bag back up, letting yourself into your house.

      “You should stick to hanging out with Michael,” your SQUIP said, watching you head into your bedroom

      Dropping your backpack onto your bed, you shrugged at the idea as you began to search for your homework. “I mean, sure, he’s still a cool guy-”

      “Michael is close to Jeremy,” it said, as if the fact wasn’t obvious, “therefore, if you get closer to Michael, you’ll get closer to Jeremy.”

      You stopped. “Isn’t that using Michael?”

      “You were friends with him before. It’s rekindling your friendship that just so happens to mean you’ll rekindle something with Jeremy.” It said, “you aren’t manipulating him.”

      You shook your head, setting one binder down and searching for another. “I don’t really like this,” you said, “I don’t want do hurt Michael or anything-”

      “Why would you be hurting him by being friends with him?”

      Thinking it over, you finally nod a little. “... I guess you’re right,” you looked down at the textbook in your hands. “It just feels wrong-”

      “Don’t feel, [y/n],” it stepped beside you, turning your head to meet it’s steely gaze. “Just listen. I’m here to help you.”

      Reluctantly, you nod. “... Right.”

      So you did. The next day, Rich fell into step beside you - inviting you to stop acting like a loner and to sit with him and Jake and the rest of his friends. You debated taking him up on the offer for a moment, only to spot Michael sitting alone in a corner of the cafeteria. You declined immediately, not looking back as you crossed the room to join Michael. That became your routine - sliding into a seat near Michael, talking about video games and whatnot, and occasionally letting the topic slip to Jeremy as Michael had the habit of occasionally venting about the boy.

       “I mean,” he started one day, pointing a fork in your direction, “you remember how he is. He’s just... so in love with her,” he shook his head, “and, I mean, yeah, it’s Christine, but he could, y’know... not abandon me every day.”

      You nodded, “I’m sure he’s just blinded by his crush, Michael.”

      He nodded, stabbing into his burrito bowl, “I know...” He trailed off, looking away for a moment, “I just... he’s excited about this and - and that’s great! He’s actually sort-of talking to Christine!” He smiled back at you, “every time he talks about her, he gets that stupid look on his face. He practically has heart eyes, [y/n].” He paused for half a beat, “but... y’know, I can’t blame him. He keeps talking about how she’s been helping him with his lines, and that she’s so passionate about theatre...”

      You couldn’t help but smile a little at that. From your limited interactions with Christine, she seemed to be a complete sweetheart. No wonder Jeremy liked her.

      “In time, he’ll like you more.” It nudged it’s way in between your thoughts, “as long as you do what I tell you to. I’ve got a plan-”

      Resisting the urge to roll your eyes, you busied yourself with your lunch. “Sure, buddy.”

      The stern silence that responded to your tone spoke volumes. But like a knife through butter, Michael’s voice washed away the slight tension you’d begun to feel: “hey, do you still draw?”

      You perked up at the question, turning your full attention back to Michael, answering with a far-too chipper “yes!” You immediately forced yourself to calm down, “yeah, I, uh, I still do. My art’s changed a lot, though,” you kind-of smiled, “I have a, uh, pretty decent following online now. I’m just glad I get to do what I love.”

      Snagging his phone from his pocket, Michael went silent for a moment as he opened up his tumblr app. “There’s this artist that Jeremy and I discovered - they seem really fucking cool, dude, and they seem like someone you’d like-”

      And then you were met with your own artwork, tagged with your online alias, and you had to resist the urge to immediately spill that he’d found you online after you remade your account. You could feel your SQUIP’s fingers gripping your shoulder, and you bit your tongue as you nodded, giving some half-hearted answer about how they seem cool, sure, before wondering why it had stopped you from saying anything.

      You didn’t address it until later. Halfway through your homework, you looked up and pushed yourself away from your desk. “Hey.” You spoke aloud. 

��     Within seconds, your SQUIP proceeded to materialize in front of you. “You’re speaking aloud-”

      “I know,” you said with a hand wave, “my parents are still out. What was up with that earlier?”

      “You shouldn’t go around saying things-”

      “But it’s Michael,” you refuted, “I trust him. Besides - wouldn’t telling him that get me closer to Jeremy?”

      It’s cold gaze made you shrink under pressure. “I have a plan. [y/n]. If you want to get Jeremy, you have to obey.”

      “What about what I want?” You forced yourself to stand your ground, staring at the figure before you, “what if I want to do things differently?”

      “You bought me for a reason.” It crossed its arms, watching you, “this is what you want, though. That’s why I’m here: to help you get what you want. And what you want is Jeremy. I’m going to help you get Jeremy, but I can’t do that if you don’t trust me, [y/n].”

      Pressing your lips together, you mustered up a weak nod. Right. “Sorry,” you finally said, “I just - I’m scared it’s not going to work.”

       “It will.” 

        When Michael invited you over the next day, you were more than happy to take him up on the offer. He began to reason it as well, Jeremy’s at play practice, before he ended up dropping the facade and admitting he still kind-of missed you and that it’d been a while since he’d kicked your ass at video games (and, fuck, the glimmer in his eyes when he said that was enough to make you agree, and you realized in that moment just how much you actually missed Michael). So he drove you to his house, letting you take complete control of the music, and then he left you in the basement to find any games you’d be interested in while he grabbed some snacks from the kitchen.

       While the two of you played, you talked idly when the situation would allow it. About anything. About everything. About trips Michael had taken with his moms, about his and Jeremy’s brand new Halloween tradition of watching horror movies - usually the shittier ones - and gorging on candy, about how your parents always seemed so busy (and almost immediately Michael offered up his house for whenever you didn’t want to be alone, and you melted a little at the offer). The entire time, the room felt too quiet, even among the conversation and the music of each game. At first, you thought it was because Jeremy was missing. Things didn’t feel right without him. But it hit you, right as you were laughing at something Michael said.

       “Hey!” Michael brightened up at his idea, “you should join us.” When you looked over, slightly confused, he continued, “the, uh, Halloween thing? You should join our marathon.” 

       You faltered for a moment, looking down at your controller. Your voice isn’t your own as you speak, saying some sort of confirmation that felt too distant for it to be you. The guilt built within you, as you pushed yourself to hide the feeling while turning your attention back to the game, back to beating Michael this round. But the thought lingered.

       You were using Michael Mell.

#mj's writing corner #be more chill #bmc #be more chill x reader #bmc x reader #be more chill reader insert #bmc reader insert #jeremy heere #jeremy heere x reader #jeremy heere imagine

[hail-langdvn]

Work on an Off Day

Summary: Duncan’s been a bit too busy for (y/n). REQUESTED (:

Warnings: smut, fem!reader, language, daddy!kink, maybe a bit of dirty talk (i say maybe bc im horrible at dirty talk LMAO), probably more but im bad at warnings im sorry

Word Count: 1.9k

(hi, ugh its me. ive been mia and had the meanest writers block but im back for like the 50th time! i havent watched house of cards a day in my life but i assumed after all the hc & research ive done that this’ll be enough lmao)

He was in his office all day. Not that (Y/N) was complaining, at least he decided to stay home today. But when (Y/N) had pestered him to stay home, she envisioned his physical being with her, not being cooped up taking every single call in between whatever else Duncan did on a day to day basis. She didn't really ever ask what he really did, but she had a overall generality of it.

At first they planned to just stay in and watch whatever she wanted to watch—a lazy day because she never had those with him often. But then when Duncan got the first call, that idea got thrown in the trash. He whisked away into his office and never came out.

(Y/N)'s a reasonable girl! Moderately. Today was supposed to be their day and when something meddles with that, she was no longer reasonable.

When Pretty Woman wasn't making her smile to herself anymore and her thoughts consumed her, she decided to go a bit on a whim. (Y/N) pushed herself up from the couch and made her way to the office upstairs, where her boyfriend stayed.

Slipping in unnoticeably was easy, he was vigorously typing on his MacBook and talking to God-knows-who.

“No, that's not what I asked for.” He stated, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Give me a second.” Duncan puts the phone on mute for a second before turning to face his girlfriend. “Sorry, baby, I have to take care of a few things. Give me thirty minutes.”

Thirty minutes went by and he was still taking care of “a few things.” (Y/N) couldn't take anymore neglection; if she knew today would be like this, then he should've just gone to work.

The second time she entered the office she made it clear she wasn't taking anymore of this. When Duncan heard the knock on the door, he expected to see her in his oversized t-shirt she stole, the gray sweats she always wore at home, her hair in a loose ponytail, and her glasses threatening to fall further away from her face. However, (Y/N) wasn't there to be a pitiful girlfriend pouting for his attention. If she was going to get his attention, it was going to be drastic.

“Hold for a minute.” He hadn't noticed her, yet, which definitely annoyed her. But that didn't discourage her. “Baby- fuck.”

She sat on the black leather couch from across the room innocently as if she didn't waltz in there with his favorite lingerie set. “Are you done, yet?” She needily whined, slightly parting her legs not breaking eye contact.

“I'm in the middle of an important phone call.” He explained, gripping his pen as she started sucking on her two fingers. When her fingers were coaxed in her saliva, (Y/N) slid aside the panties she wore and rubbed her clit.

“So, you don't want to play with me, daddy?” She asked with a frown, giving him a clear view of her pussy. “That's why you stayed home today.”

“Five minutes.” He abruptly said, holding up his five fingers. She huffed, shrugging at him kicking it up a notch. Her index finger and thumb slightly pinched her nipple allowing a whimper to escape, growing wetter by the second. When she knew she was wet enough to slide a finger in, she wasted no time. Pumping her finger in and out, she grasped Duncan's attention more when an ungodly moan left her.

“Three minutes, daddy.” She taunted, glancing over at the clock on the wall to the right of her. Slipping the second finger in made her feel a little more full, yet it didn't feel as good as when he'd slip a second finger in. Nevertheless, she didn't stop herself.

“Look, I'll call later, I have some other business to take care of.” Duncan quickly hangs up and focuses all his attention to her. “Such a dirty slut, while I was taking a call?” He queried, walking over to her. “Shouldn’t have answered in the first place.” She sassed, sucking on her fingers. Her every move taunted him. “Supposed to be our day, remember?”

He instantly feels bad for his girlfriend, remembering the real reason why he was in his home office. Duncan wasn't even supposed to be working today. “I'm sorry.” He mumbled, approaching her on the couch. “How 'bout I make it up to you by playing with your pretty little cunt?”

Her legs feel like jello hearing his voice and tone change. (Y/N) melts under Duncan's touch when she feels his hands grip her thighs as he crouched down to become leveled with her pussy. “Didn't I ask a question?” He sternly asked, glancing up at her.

“Please, daddy, touch me.” She whimpered, feeling his breath against her.

“Doesn't sound like you want me to even touch you.” He teased, pretending to get up.

“No, no! Please, daddy. It's been two weeks! I need you so bad, please.” She moaned, trying to get him to at least slide a finger in or something. “I've been a good girl for you waiting all day, please, please, please—“ and she continued to splurge more nonsense rambling to prove how much she wanted him to touch her. Duncan didn't move a muscle or change expression, he derived off her begging alone.

When she noticed his small smirk, her mouth clamped shut. She thought she earned it, but when Duncan stood up, tears grazed her eyes. “Where are you going?” (Y/N) asked, watching him turn away from her and walking over to his desk.

“I spoil you too much.” He plainly said. Her eyebrows furrowed while her eyes glossed more by the second. “You beg like that all the time, and I give it to you. I just think you're not wanting it, you just say that you do.”

The games he played were painful, especially when she was severely turned on. (Y/N) was practically halfway to her orgasm before he approached her moments ago! He didn't want to cut her any slack?

Her sweet face contorted into a sadder version of his baby doll. “I-I was being a good girl! I tried to convince you as much as I could.” She sadly pouted, standing in front of his desk. “Please, daddy. I won't take it for granted, I promise!” Her final plea made Duncan give in. Who wouldn't?

He slid his rolling chair back allowing her to sit atop his desk with her legs wide. “Gorgeous.” He muttered before sliding his finger in her sopping pussy. (Y/N) suppressed any moans, not getting any permission to moan, yet.

Duncan couldn't hold back anymore, he attached his mouth to her clit. Laying his tongue flat, he licked upward, gathering all the juices in her mouth. His eyes never left her, yet (Y/N) clamped her eyes shut, being a bit intense for her.

“Look at me, baby.” He mutters on her clit. She forces her eyes to open and look at Duncan. “So sweet on my fucking tongue, almost forgot how good you taste.” He praised pumping his fingers in and out attempting to get her to cum faster.

“Oh god.” She exclaimed, unable to suppress anymore moans. “Please fuck me already, Daddy.” She whines, setting him off a bit. Duncan forgot how easily she could get overheated and assertive when he doesn’t let her moan.

He stops, sliding his fingers out and standing up straight. Instead of an angry expression or one of those “don’t-be-ungrateful” looks he’d normally give her, Duncan gave her a cheeky smirk licking his fingers clean. “You sure you want that now, darling?”

His ominous tone could send anyone running for the hills, but (Y/N)? She would consume it and ask for more. Maybe that’s one of the reasons he loves her so much. “Of course, Daddy. That’s why I asked.” She returns with an even more crazier tone matched with a grin, leaning into his personal space.

Duncan was already hard from when she strutted in his office and started pleasing herself. If she hadn’t been so assertive any sooner, he would’ve ripped his clothes off himself. But (Y/N) took care of that.

“So hot, Daddy.” She innocently grinned, taking her place back on the desk.

“Look at you,” He ushers gripping his cock, spreading her legs apart. “Wanting me to fuck you over my paperwork.” He teasingly rubbed his tip up and down her clit, earning a frustrated groan from his girlfriend. “What’s that, baby? Forgot that I control when you can have my cock?”

The tension of all of this wouldn’t let her form a coherent sentence. It was on the tip of her tongue like a single word forgotten. “Daddy,” she managed to get out, “Please don’t tease.” It was weak, but enough to make Duncan bury his cock deep in her. In less than a second his thrusts came in and came in rough. Her mouth gapes open and her eyes slam shut from the instantaneous burning in her stomach. Duncan’s hand gripped her thighs and his hips slammed into hers. She needed this for the past two weeks.

Her moans became louder by the second and she could’ve swore that after the first minute she could’ve cum. But she asked for this, so why in the world would she let in so easily?

“Squeezing around me so tight,” He spoke aloud, “must feel so good, huh, baby?” She could only respond with a moan in the state he had her.

“I-I’m gonna—“

“Not so fast.” He said, slowing down his pace to a painstakingly slow (yet, rough) thrust in and out. “I don’t fuck you for two weeks and you need to cum so soon?”

She let out another frustrated moan. “You just wanna tease me, you don’t want me to cum, Daddy.” Duncan smirks at her, his slow thrusts brought his a little closer to his own orgasm. When she was finally into the slow pace, he decided to tease her further switching the pace (for his own purposes, as well) and bringing the two of them to their climaxes. “Go ahead, cum around my cock.”

Her walls tightened around him and in an instant her cum dripped down his cock. Duncan slips out of her, jerking himself off, finishing himself off before shooting all over (Y/N)’s chest. She grins at him, swiping a bit of it on her finger before sucking it clean.

After showering and cleaning themselves up, Duncan finds himself in the bathroom staring at his beautiful girlfriend. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” She asks, genuinely curious, halting her face washing.

“I’ve been so busy with work,” he glides behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, “and it was supposed to be our day today. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, silly.” She laughed, bending over washing the rest of her face wash off with water. “I wasn’t mad, just frustrated.”

“Maybe I can stay home tomorrow, too. Make it up to you.” He suggests while she dries her face.

(Y/N) turns to face her boyfriend and shakes her head. “As great as that sounds, you wouldn’t be able to keep that promise. Just make it up to me when you get home.” And boy did he do that.

#duncan shepherd #duncan shepherd imagines #imagine #imagines #smut #house of cards #duncan x reader #cody fern #michael langdon #michael langdon x reader #michael langdon imagine #ahs apocalypse #ahs imagines #ahs

[aharrypotternerd]

Valentine’s Day Surprise, Part 11

Diagon Alley is deserted today; it’s a little chilly today and everyone is back at the castle keeping warm by the fire. I came out here to get away from Harry for a little bit; he’s impossible to avoid, everywhere i look there he is.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to focus on this mystery person but my mind keeps wondering back to Harry. I can’t seem to get him out of my head. What is he doing? Who is he with? Is he flirting with someone else? Is he thinking of me? Does he love me back?

Every time i see him with someone else, i want to pin him up against the wall and kiss him till he’s breathless.

I miss him, i miss his touch, how gentle and soft it is. I miss how he kisses me, soft and sweet, hard and rough. I miss his cuddles. I miss hanging out with him, just being with him.

“Draco.” Someone yelled. It sounds like Harry; I must miss him a lot; I think i hear Harrys’ voice but it can’t be, he’s back at the castle. “Draco, wait.” I stopped and turned and it is Harry; What does he want? I’ve been alright at avoiding him the past couple of days at least that’s what I’m telling myself but since i don’t have any other distractions today i don’t know if i can do it. Harry says out of breath, “You know... I’ve been... trying... to catch... up to you... since you left... the castle.”

“I did not.” i said, “Did you need something?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“Are you going to talk to me again or is it going to go back to the old ways between us again?”

“I’m not talking to you because it’s not far to this person for me to hangout with you and not focus on them.”

“So you want to avoid me till Valentine’s Day?”

“Yes.”

“Even if we don’t kiss?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, okay.” He looks really sad. This is why I didn’t want to talk to him, to avoid his hurt look. I just want to pull him to me and kiss the sadness right off his face. “I guess I’ll leave you than.” He starts heading to the castle when he turns and says, “I saw this at your room door. I figured you would want it before someone else grabbed it.”

i took it from him, “Thanks.”

“No problem.” As he turns away from me, he says, “I miss you.” I don’t know if i was supposed to hear that. I miss you too so much more than you’ll ever know. i watched him walk away.

i looked down at the package Harry handed me. It’s a small wrapped box with a note attached.

Draco,

I want you to have the snitch i caught at the last game i played. I caught it for you. I could’ve let you catch it but i already let that happen a few games ago.

With lots of love,

Anonymous

This person let me win a quidditch game; the only person who let me win is Harry and that was to impress this person. Then again, there is two other people that plays seeker. Okay, that narrows it down to three people. I can’t wait to see what clue i get next.

#drarry #draco malfoy #harry potter #harry x draco #draco x harry

[jeonsdear]

It’s you - (IX)

↬ Parts:  I , II, III, IV, V , VI, VII, VIII, X, XI

↬ Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader (oc: female)

↬ Genre: college!au, noona!reader, soulmate!au, fluff, angst, smut

↬ Rating: sfw

↬ Warnings: salvia (lol)

↬ Accompanying song:  HENRY 헨리 ‘It’s You’ (Live Ver.) (check out the                                    spotify version too!)

↬ Chapter Summary: 

Jungkook couldn’t help but to throw his friends a panicked look and his panic only grew as Yoongi’s face was plastered by a shit-eating grin.

“Y/n! We were just about to play a game in one of the rooms back there. Grab some bottles of beer, will you?“

↬ Notes: Hey! Here’s the 9h part. Hope you enjoy, loves. Also, have you seen the fake love comback stages? I’m shook. Goodbye wow. Also do the roman numbers confuse you or is it okay?  ♡ And please let me know what you think, that’s a great motivation for writing - and I love talking to you.  Likes and especially reblogs are always appreciated ♡     —  Read this part on AO3 if that’s easier for you —  English isn’t my first language so excuse any mistakes  —  I track jeonsdear fanfiction (follow the tag for updates)

↬ Word Count: 3.0 K

When you are not fed love on a silver spoon you learn to lick it off knives.

Starting your senior year at college you promised yourself to make the most of it. But after watching your best friend taking her boyfriend Jungkook for granted and your own soulmate drowning in despair, you find yourself caught in a web of lies and heartbreak. How can you believe in love when the one destined for you doesn’t want you?

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You could feel Jungkook’s glare from across the room. The tall boy leaning against the dark walls of Professor Lee’s office seemed to try burning holes into the side of your head. But you ignored his irritated huffs and instead focused on the insane plan Mr. Lee so enthusiastically rambled on about.

“You are going to dress up nicely. Mingle with the people and Mr. Jeon should use his charms for future connections. Miss y/s/n, you are a senior, everybody is going to expect you to set your foot properly into politics about now anyway.“

“And what about my charm?“

“What charm?“, piped up the annoyed voice from across the room. Your eyes shot daggers at Junkook, already deciding you wouldn’t share your favourite blanket with him tonight.

“Use your charm as well, Miss.“

“With all due respect, Professor. I don’t see how this is going to get us any kind of information about a possible soulmate archive.“

Ever since you had agreed to the old man’s plan, you knew why you were doing it. Essentially to protect Jungkook from his own stupidity. You still thought sneaking your way into politics would be no use.

“And I don’t understand why you involved Y/n in this, Professor.“

Mr. Lee let heaved a long sigh and rubbed the bridge of his nose that was decorated with the imprints of his round glasses.

“Because Miss y/s/n is a well-known figure in local politics already. “

“Don’t you think I should be involved when you decide to find out my soulmate’s identity?“

Crossing your arms over your chest you turned your body to Jungkook as he took two steps towards you.

“Besides, who gave you the right to dig into my business?“

Jungkook quite audibly growled at you and a guarded expression took over his face.

“The right of being your best friend. I have to live with your sorry ass every day. And just because you are not questioning the system doesn’t mean I don’t. “

“I didn’t force you to live with my sorry ass. You can move out anytime.“

Jungkook had the audacity to roll his eyes at you before he turned towards the old man who had watched the scene with interest while taking notes.

“She doesn’t even want to find out the truth. I’m sure we can find someone else with…connections.“

You stretched your arm to pinch the skin around his elbow.

“And who is supposed to protect you? You’re most likely going to get yourself evicted because of sticking your stupidly cute nose in business people get killed for.“

You didn’t expect his deep belly laugh and even Mr. Lee had his eyebrows raised at his student when he doubled over from laughing.

“Protecting me? You're a girl.“

The old man shot you an excusing look but you had had enough. You didn’t even fully understand his anger, but arguing with a sexist phrase wasn’t something you were willing to accept.

“Well, this girl is going to make sure you’re not drowning in an unfamiliar environment, and this girl is sleeping on the couch tonight.“

You grabbed the bag hanging over the rest of a very old velvety chair and threw it over your shoulder.

“I have a 5 thousand words essay to write, goodbye Professor Lee.“

The man only held up one of his hands and watched you storm out of his office.

The stupidity of men was visible in every generation, he mused as he watched his male student huff in annoyance.

At first he had tried to keep it a secret from Jungkook. The reason why he had brought you into the team at first didn’t seem too important and easy to disguise. But somewhere along the lines he had realized that his explanation of your presence had too many loopholes. So fearing his true attention with this project might be discovered, ruining all the work he had done so far, he had stuck with the surface truth of his motivations to bring you into the team.

And really, observing the two young people in a natural environment had proven to be extremely beneficial.

So with a small smile he stood up from the chair that was about to wreck his bad back forever, and motioned for Jungkook to leave.

“I know you have an evening class, Jungkook. You should go before you’re too late.“

And with a small bow Jungkook left.

 --

 It was quarter past 1 in the morning when you realized that you didn’t have to sleep on the sofa because Jungkook still hadn’t come home.

While a defeated sigh you shut off your laptop and rubbed your temples. You hadn’t meant what you said about sleeping on the sofa. Not only because you hadn’t had nightmares since sharing a bed with Jungkook, but because you adored falling asleep next to him. It just felt right. And you tried not to dwell on that too much.

But there was still Yeonseo, and as you stood up from the spot on the floor you had sat on you realized that that was where he probably was staying for the night.

You knew the coil in your stomach was jealousy. Not exclusively jealousy, but you had developed a certain kind of possessiveness towards your best friend. You had grown so close that it was only naturally to fear his loss.  And that was the threat his girlfriend embodied.

At least that was what you’ve been telling yourself.

Without thinking about it, you picked up your phone to check whether you had any messages from him.

You didn’t.

For a hot second you thought about calling him but you growled in frustration at your hideousness. You had no right to demand him to be home and you sure as well weren’t a baby who needed their stuffed animal to sleep.

Despite your affirmations you didn’t sleep that night.

 --

 Over the course of the next week a new kind of tension found its peak between you two.

Jungkook’s grunts filled the gym as he worked his already sore back muscles. But the burn in his muscles overshadowed the burn in his heart and the irritation coursing through his veins. Apparently his soulmate was in a similar mood to him, making the fire inside him ten times worse.

So he tried working it out. With heavy weights and sweat coating his entire body. A few days ago he had tried letting some steam off through rough sex, but somehow it had left him even more aggravated.

He was pissed at himself and he didn’t even know why. But he can’t get the hurt in your eyes out of his head when he came home in the morning after a night at his girlfriend’s.

God, he felt dirty. Dirty and frustrated.

So when his hyung’s had suggested going to that terrible frat party, he had jumped on the chance to get you off his mind.

He realized that that was a hopeless wish when he walked into the crowed livingroom full of drunk college students just to spy you sitting on his classmate's lap.

What the hell.

You were dressed in a short skirt paired with knee-high boots and a red blouse. You looked absolutely gorgeous, but that didn’t make that boy’s hands on your thigh acceptable.

Jimin followed Jungkook’s eyes and he grabbed his sleeve to keep him from storming away.

“Don’t.“

“Let go of me, Hyung.“

“So you can rip her off that dude’s lap? She’s been looking at you with daggers in her eyes the whole week. She’s going to kill you. What the hell have you done?“

Jungkook growled and ripped his arm from his friend’s hold.

“Nothing.“

He felt Yoongi’s hand on his shoulder and his deep voice filled his ear when he moved his head closer to his.

“You two have been dancing around each other for weeks now. Fuck it out.“

“Yoongi!“

Taehyung sounded absolutely horrified and Jungkook was sure his face showcased the same emotion.

“He isn’t wrong.“, Jimin chuckled as he shrugged his shoulders and caught your eyes from across the room. A smirk played on his lips as he watched you making your way towards him and his friends. Jungkook, oblivious to your approach, rolled his eyes and huffed.

“Don’t even dare think this, Yoongi.“

“Think what?“, your sweet voice peeped up and the boys all turned around.

Jungkook couldn’t help but to throw his friends a panicked look and his panic only grew as Yoongi’s face was plastered by a shit-eating grin.

“Y/n! We were just about to play a game in one of the rooms back there. Grab some bottles of beer, will you?“

You raised your eyebrows at the older boy before throwing Jungkook a questioning look when you saw him squirm.

“Uhm Hyung, what game?“

“The kissing game. Collect some of your friends as well.“

It was almost comically how both your’s and Jungkook’s eyes simultaneously widened in presentiment and Jimin had to keep from laughing when his friend’s hand automatically found yours and suddenly all the anger between you two was forgotten when your eyes met in mutual understanding.

Yoongi apparently picked up on his friend’s intentions as well and before anyone could run away he had you both pushing towards the room he had been talking about earlier.

You struggled against his hold but it was no use – 7 minutes later you were sat in a circle on the floor with Jungkook’s friend and some of yours. The girls were buzzing in the prospect of getting to kiss the boys and especially your friend Sunghee couldn’t keep her eyes off Seokjin. You watched as he winked at her and almost scoffed as she turned bright red. You elbowed him into the side before throwing him a warning glance, but he only smirked.

Jungkook sat across from you and you could feel his eyes on you. You knew exactly how this would end and so did he. So why were his eyes glistening with anticipation?

“What game exactly are we playing?“, one of the girls piped up while handing around the bottles of beer. You wrapped your fingers around the cold beverage but otherwise didn’t bother to open it.

“Too hot.“, Yoongi said. “Do you all know the rules?“

He was met with collective head shaking so he started to explain: “We will let a bottle decide the couples. This couple has to kiss without stopping or touching each other. The one who touches the other first, loses. The winner?“, he smirked before continuing, “gets to do whatever he wants to the loser and get’s to exit the game. If not, the winner gets to play against the other winners. Resulting in one person winning.“

Yoongi made sure everyone understood the rules before he chuckled mischievously and added “Make it as steamy as possible. This is about being the best kisser in this group.“

“Fuck, I hope I get Jungkook. I’ve heard he’s fun to kiss.“, a girl whispered and another one giggled.

“I might lose willingly if that means I can touch those abs.“

Your low growl shut them up and you were busy killing Yoongi in your imagination. You were positive you were about to win this game, knowing there wasn’t a single guy you’d really enjoy kissing beside Jungkook. And the universe couldn’t possibly be that cruel, right?

But then again, one of these girls would get to kiss him and the thought alone made you angry.

“But some of us aren’t single.“, you randomly threw into the conversation and all eyes laid on you as you were being a party bummer.

“She won’t mind.“, Jungkook’s voice cut in and his eyes were challenging when you frowned at him.

You really, really didn’t want him kissing anyone but you.

“Alright then let’s get started!“

Yoongi laid a bottle in the circle and looked up. “Let’s see who the first players are.“

 The bottle took four spins to land on you.

Your eyes were trained on the spinning bottle and the only noise came from Jimin who was distinctively murmuring Jungkook’s name. In the corner of your eyes you saw Yoongi leaning forward in anticipation and suddenly the room erupted in yells and laughter.

The universe, in fact, was cruel.

You didn’t even have to look up to know the bottle had landed on Jungkook but when you did, his eyes were widened in shock. Yoongi silenced the room as he smirked at you two before motioning to get it on.

“Are you gonna go through with it, Jungkookie?“

Taehyung’s words ripped him out of his thoughts and a certain kind of want took over his mind and body. Here was the truth: He wanted to kiss you. God, he had been dreaming about it for a while now. But when would he ever be able to get a taste without any consequences? This game was perfect to explore forbidden waters and he was planning on winning this one. He was damned if he didn’t manage to make you want him for once. But when he searched your eyes in consent he noticed the longing in them and his eyes dropped down to where you bit your lip.

“If y/n is okay with it.“, he said with a voice dropping lower in excitement.

You only nodded slowly before clearing your throat and sitting up upright, faking confidence.

“Sure.“, you said nonchalantly, but your emotions were running havoc. While you were dreading kissing Jungkook you were also longing to kiss him. And if his eyes were anything to go by, so did he.

You both looked around before shuffling towards each other while the others moved backwards to give you enough space.

You gulped as you felt Jungkook’s hand on your thighs pulling you closer to him, a light smile playing on his lips as he noticed how nervous you were. Then he placed his hands on either side of your legs, making sure he wasn’t touching you.

“Noona?“

He wet his lips with the tip of his tongue.

“Hm?“

“Have fun losing.“

The start of your protest was cut short when he moved his face close to yours and his dark doe eyes starred into yours. He was so close you could count his thick eyelashes and his breath fanned over your slightly opened lips. You gulped as Jungkook’s eyes fluttered shut and then you felt his plush lips brush gently over your own. Your eyes closed at the unfamiliar contact and your whole body shivered at the softness of his lips as he increased the pressure.

Since there was no time limit, Jungkook made sure to savour the moment of feeling your lips against his for the very first time. And he loved it. He loved it way too much. Your shaky breath had him moving again, placing another soft kiss against the swell of your lips before catching your lower lip between his teeth and slightly pulling at it. Then he caressed the abused lip with his tongue and suddenly you sprung into action, biting his lip and whispering his name before forcing his lips apart with your tongue.

The low whine that filled the room was unmistakenly male and both of you tilted your heads to deepen the kiss. What had started off as a careful and testing kiss, turned into a passionate one as your tongues battled for dominance. Your hands twitched at your sides, longing to bury themselves into his soft hair, but you wanted him to lose. You wanted him to moan. Just once you wanted him to moan your name, and not Yeonseo’s.

So you let go of your reservation and you kissed him how you had wanted to for a very long time. It wasn’t just lust but affection. And you wanted to him to feel it. But somewhere in that was also anger and the whole irritation you both had felt for the last week.

Your breaths were ragged and uneven as Jungkook leaned even closer to you. He felt like his head was swimming, he wanted to swallow you, taste you, mould together. A mewl escaped you as you pulled at his bottom lip, struggling with keeping your hands to yourself and your body flooded with heat as you finally heard his high-pitched moan.

Jungkook felt way too hot in his skin and it bordered on torture keeping his hands to himself. He wanted them all over your body. In your hair, on your waist, everywhere.

“Oh fuck.“, he murmured in realization and somewhere someone in the room laughed amused at the pained exclamation.

He didn’t stop kissing you. Even during his breathy moans and whispers, your lips kept on moving together and he could have sworn his heart was about to burst with all these emotions. He felt overwhelmed as if he could feel your emotions as well. He imagined he could feel the goosebumps on your skin as he sucked your tongue into his mouth, taking over the kiss. He didn’t want to stop kissing you, oh no, but he wanted to take this to somewhere else. With fewer eyes prying on you two.

And he was determined to win.

So he put all the dominance he had in his bones into the kiss and could feel you melt into him. And suddenly he felt your fingers in his hair and your body pressed against his and he was about to laugh in triumph when he realized that his hands were already grabbing your waist.

Coming up for air, you two starred at each other, slowly blinking away the daze and realizing that the only one chuckling was Yoongi. Jungkook couldn’t tear his eyes away from yours and just in that moment he realized what you two were doing here. But he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Neither of you could blame alcohol for the want in your eyes and you knew it. This wasn’t solely physical either, Jungkook realized, as your fingers drifted from his hair sidewards to caress his cheeks. The grip on your waist tightened as he almost purred under your caress, eyes fluttering shut before they bore down into yours once again.

“I guess you both lost.“, Yoongi teased with amusement latched in his voice as the air was pregnant with astonishment.

“No, Hyung, I think both won.“

Complications.

You have won tons more of complications.

#btscreatorsnet #armiesnet #networkbangtan #bts imagines #jungkook imagines #jeon jungkook imagines #bangtan imagines #kpop imagines #bts #bangtan #jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts soulmate au #jungkook soulmate au #bts college au #jungkook college au #bts fluff #bts angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #party games #bts writings #writings #jungkook writins #mine #jeonsdear fanfiction