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shoichee · 3 years

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potential juicy part 3: when they meet akashi again at the winter cup, reader, who now "hates" him, disrespects him to his face + pretends she doesn't care. but after kuroko reveals the whole story the night before rakuzan game, she's forced to confront the truth + they go all out against him (and win ofc) so akashi, now back to being akashi, confesses to reader, ig reader finally tells him what happened? (did i just write a wholeass fic in your askbox i am so sorry) btw tysm for the part 1!!

LMAOO THE WHOLEASS FIC SENT ME HELPP you snapped off in your request i can only deliver justice.... did i just listened to some KNB openings on repeat to manifest myself to pretend I’m the characters so I can accurately write them?.......... n-no...... part 1 here and part 2 here ^^ AND part 4 here

Akashi x f!Reader (but 99% g/n)

Part 3

[Teiko!manager Headcanons]

shortly after Rakuzan’s victory against Shuutoku, the Rakuzan starters were walking together in the hallway to their lockers when you were blocking the way, hogging up the vending machines in the middle of the hallway to buy your teammates refreshments and snacks and then shoving them into your small backpack

Hayama impatiently yells at you to scram and Mayuzumi gives his own condescending comment, and you immediately looked up to see the infamous team

you instantly freeze up when you see Akashi in the back of the group just wordlessly staring as usual, and you just stay at your spot completely still for a while

“... Girl! Are you even listening?! Are you dumb or deaf?”

“That’s no way to speak to a girl!”

“Ow! But Reo-nee…”

“Maybe she just needs to eat? She’s probably hungry.”

“Ugh, no one else is like you, you know!”

“Tch.”

Mayuzumi merely frowns before he casually looks behind to see a rather intense aura emanating from Akashi, which is quite rare considering that you were a nobody compared to him and you weren’t someone who threatened him in any way… unless that was actually the case? but he merely observes from the shadows

“Move. You’re in the way.”

you incredulously stand up straight from his words and point a finger at him:

“I-I… I can’t believe it! This is the first thing you say to me after all this time?! Everything that happened at Teiko… was… was all your fucking fault! I hope the final game becomes your own downfall, you fucking jerk! And I hope I never see you again after tomorrow night.”

by now, you were hyperventilating from shouting at him, and the teammates were stunned… and absolutely fearful, their gazes darting back to Akashi to see his chilling gaze at you, looking quite calm

“How laughable. You haven’t changed at all, (y/n). You can believe in Seirin’s basketball all you want, say all you want, but it’s all pointless. Rakuzan will achieve victory like it always has. Now step aside.”

you only gape your mouth as you furiously huff and aggressively grab your packed bag and run, but as you dash away, you slightly stumble from the dizziness you felt from the emotional stress

ngl, Reo and Nebuya kinda pitied you watching you run

when you were gone from his field of vision, Akashi merely tells them to move onto the lockers and acts like nothing ever happened

you’ve practically convinced yourself that you truly hated Akashi for hurting Kuroko and destroying teamplay at Teiko… but in truth, you were only using him as a scapegoat to get over your unrequited feelings for him // of course the deepest part of you knew that the adults were responsible, and you knew that Akashi fulfilled his role of captain to the very end (while you meanwhile still had lingering feelings of self-doubt in your work ethic all this time)

while you were extremely happy for the Seirin team for making it to Winter Cup finals, you were so ashamed to even have the fleeting thought that you wanted Seirin to lose in the semi-finals so you didn’t have to face Akashi again

the late evening before the game tomorrow, Kuroko was in the mostly empty stadium, mostly because he wanted to reminisce about the old times before he faces Rakuzan tomorrow

it was a very unfortunate coincidence that Akashi was also there to survey the court for a moment before the game tomorrow

both of them held a long moment of eye contact before Kuroko decides to call him out

“Akashi-kun.”

“Tetsuya.”

“Have you ever had fun playing with Rakuzan?”

“To think that I had a fleeting thought of you asking me a different question this time. I can never understand how you’re fixated on such a pitiful ideal.”

“... Then… have you always felt this way even since the beginning of Teiko?” Akashi merely narrows his eyes at Kuroko

“Get to the point.”

“I’ve just been… wondering, that’s all.”

“Then I will not dally here further just to have a reunion about the past.” Akashi turns around to leave and walks a few steps before Kuroko calls out to stop him in his tracks

“... I want to ask you about (y/n)-san.” He merely watches Akashi slightly turning his head around before continuing. “What do you think about her?”

“She was Teiko’s head manager. How else did you think my opinion was, Tetsuya? She, just like Daiki, just like everyone else, was an asset to achieving victory. I will not repeat myself again.”

“Akashi-kun, with your Emperor Eye, surely you would’ve noticed something was amiss with (y/n)-san for a while now.” Akashi turns completely around with an impassive gaze

“Broken plates can still function fine. It’s no different with Daiki.” Kuroko grows furious for your sake

“H-How… how can you say that? Do you know how much she’s overworked herself and collapsed throughout these past months for the sake of our team? Did you even know how much of our own 1st-string players were belittling her despite her continuing to give it her all? She cared for our team—she cared for you! She didn’t even want to let you know what was going on behind your back to not burden you any further—and for you to only chalk her up as a tool—”

Akashi is slightly taken back at the sudden info dump/confession from Kuroko, struggling to process the new information… but his face gives little away; Kuroko continues on:

“We’re going to win tomorrow. I swear that Seirin will win against Rakuzan.”

“... It will be intriguing to see you try.” Akashi turns to finally exit out, leaving Kuroko simmering in his thoughts alone (excluding a few janitors) for a few minutes before he exits the stadium himself

in seeing you again the next day, Kuroko immediately notices how antsy you got and even offered to give you the massages to get rid of your own stress knots AND YOU INSTANTLY FEEL WARM BECAUSE YOU TAUGHT HIM YOUR TECHNIQUES SO LONG AGO, AND HE STILL REMEMBERS

you confide in Kuroko as he works out the knots, confessing that you don’t want to be there at the final game but you didn’t want to be selfish and ditch the team, especially since everyone made you feel like you mattered to the team (and you told him about your incident with Akashi yesterday too)

Kuroko shares his own fears and unresolved feelings to you to show that you weren’t alone in feeling uneasy (although he doesn’t share the info that he met up with Akashi)

wholesome friendship moment #753358

the talk made you made up your resolve, and you tell him that you were going to be there at the front bench to support Seirin like you’ve always done, but you do make a request for him to make an excuse for you in case you chicken out and flee mid-game or something

Kuroko agrees and to make you feel better, he proposes for you to focus on him throughout the game so you don’t have to look at Akashi; he knows you still harbor feelings for the Rakuzan captain

while the Seirin starters were warming up, you opted to survey the building interior to find the best route around… just in case if you wanted to flee // you meet Kaijo’s team by coincidence, and Kasamatsu ushers the rest of the team forward to leave you and Kise alone

Kise affectionately ruffles your hair and wishes you and Seirin good luck but also notices how anxious you look; this idiot slaps your back to calm you down LOL

“(y/n)-cchi! What are you so nervous for?”

“Ow! What the hell?”

“O-Ow, ow! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to hit that hard—can you please let go?!”

“It’s been a while since I shoulder-locked you, huh…”

“Well, I certainly don’t miss it! You’re so cruel!”

and you only give him an all-knowing look at his “cruel” comment, and Kise panics again at his usual poor word choice… but you merely laugh at his distress

unintentionally, Kise does end up being the one to help you clear up the bundles of nerves… he’s still really worried for you because he definitely can see how you’re still hung up on Akashi

at the same time, when Seirin was watching Rakuzan team members do perfect layups, getting nervous about the game, you were a nervous wreck in your own world at the bench, triple-checking everything and giving massages to Teppei to relieve his knee pain for the time being

throughout the game, Akashi does throw a casual glance at you here and there when no one’s really looking, and meanwhile, you’re incredibly fixated on Kuroko (doing what he told you so you wouldn’t be tempted to look at Akashi)

a lot of your attention was on Furihata anyways because you were focused on massaging particular areas to reduce the physical stress exerted on them during the game

part of Akashi wants to go all out and win this game not only to prove you and Kuroko wrong, but also to impress you, but that’s something his true self feels (who is dormant in his subconscious) rather than his current self… but it’s still there

the moment you broke was when the Akashi you knew and liked finally returned to the court, and you immediately excused yourself to the empty infirmary room to bawl your eyes out and put yourself together; you tell yourself that it’s just another tactic of Akashi and return to the game right when Seirin makes their game point

Oreshi gave 100% in battling against Seirin but occasional glances constantly were shot over to Seirin’s bench to look for you, but you were gone at the last part of the game until at the very end

after the team lineups and trophy distributions, you immediately run outside of the stadium for crisp night air, heaving in as much as you could to try to prevent your body from having any funny ideas of dying on the spot

“... (l/n)-san.”

from his voice, you knew it was Akashi, and you debated on running as fast as you can but the current state of your body didn’t make it a viable option; you opted to stand still quietly, your back still facing him

“(/n)-san,” Akashi softly says again, slowly walking up to you and stopping four meters behind you to give you reasonable space in the confrontation

“... I hate you, you know that? Didn’t I tell you that I didn’t want to see you again after this game?”

“Kuroko disclosed to me what happened.”

“He what?!” In your shock, you whirl around to face Akashi, only to be stunned to see his gentle eyes filled with guilt and worry

“... I want to give you my sincerest apology for everything I’ve done and for what I didn’t do for you. In seeing how the Generation of Miracles had their talents bloomed substantially at a rapid rate, I had believed chasing for absolute victory was the only way to hold us together. Teamwork was nigh impossible given that we had no equal rivals from the outside. Even if that was the only plausible option to take as captain, I still failed Teiko’s other members, including you. To think that I was foolish in letting go what was most important to me.”

he gives a deep bow, further shocking you of your wits

“I…” You pause before you frown. “What did Kuroko even tell you?”

Akashi tells you exactly what Kuroko said and you immediately deny it

“Th-That’s… I only worked hard to get better, so I wouldn’t get left behind. Our old teammates were a testament that I was lacking, and I tried hard to catch up to everyone. I only collapsed due to my own irresponsibility. No matter how much I tried, I could never reach up to everyone’s level, even until now.”

“That’s not the whole truth isn’t it, (l/n)-san?” You widen your eyes at his statement, worried about the insinuation of his words

Oreshi now was not the same Oreshi back in Teiko; he’s now much sharper when it comes to you; he senses that there was something else amiss

“Why didn’t you tell me about what happened back at Teiko? Did you feel that you couldn’t rely on me as a captain?” Akashi sounds hurt… really hurt

you, taken back, immediately were quick to answer:

“N-No! If anything, I… I didn’t want you to look at me in a lesser light if you ever found out that our members started losing faith in me, and I… I wanted to be dependable like everyone else on the team! And if I was reliable, you would be able to depend on me like you used to in the very beginning…”

“(l/n)-san,” Akashi mumbles with upturned brows. “You’ve always been viable to me and the team. Why do you go through such lengths?” Your tears burst forth uncontrollably before you choked out:

“Because I liked you! You were so accomplished and reputable…! I had always th-thought that deep down, i-if I kept improving myself, that you’d notice me in the way I saw you!” Both you and Akashi widened your eyes at what you just said

well shit, maybe now is a good time to run? but before you even had any other ideas, Akashi steps forward to gently clasp your wrist

“... How do you feel about me now?” You obviously hesitate and look down at your clasped wrist, tears still streaky on your face, and at your silence, Akashi continues. “If you truly despise me… I understand. I won’t bother you anymore after tonight… But please believe me (l/n)-san, when I say…”

he moves from your wrist to your hand, taking his other hand to bring up both your hands in a delicate clasp

“... that I’ve always been fond of you, ever since the beginning.”

“You’re lying.”

“I am not, (l/n).” To prove his point, Akashi places a tentative ghost kiss on his hands holding yours, wary in trying not to overstep his boundaries in case you didn’t want your hands to be kissed by him; he leaves his lips there before he murmurs

“... How can I make it up to you?” You feel his soft breath reverberating through your own hands, and it felt so sincere

“Well… for starters, I want to know the Akashi outside of basketball…” He lets go of your hands and gives a small smile

“Then it would be more appropriate to call me Seijurō, don’t you think?”

“Ah… then… you can call me by my first name too.”

“(y/n)... please don’t hesitate to come to me when anything troubles you.”

“I’ll try.”

“And please don’t overwork yourself. It’s not good for you.”

“I’m not making promises.”

“I do hope that in time you’ll come to realize that you’re an extremely talented person… quite a force to be reckoned with too.”

“Was the second half an innuendo of some sorts?”

“You don’t meet someone everyday who wouldn’t hesitate to cuss out the Rakuzan captain while pointing at his face.”

“I…! I’m sorry! I spoke out of—” He puts a finger to your lips with a teasing smile before he grows serious

“I must also apologize for my cruel words…

… I hope that you would find it in yourself to forgive all of my own misdeeds.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you mumble. “Maybe that will happen sooner than later because I do… like you.”

“It’s nice to hear a confirmation from you.”

“Stop acting like you got me figured out, Seijurō!”

“I wouldn’t dare, (y/n).”

bonus: imagine the shock from Seirin and Rakuzan to see you two DATING (when that eventually happens), like Hayama is losing his entire MIND over this it’s SO FUNNY LMAO // Kuroko and Kise are so smug and happy for you two it’s very wholesome

The… end?

UPDATE: sike, by the time you read this, there is a part 4 epilogue

#knb #knb x reader #knb headcanon #knb headcanons #knb teiko #teiko #akashi seijuro #akashi x reader #akashi seijuro x reader #kuroko tetsuya #kise ryota #kise ryouta #rakuzan #teiko middle school

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keijikunn · 3 years

Text

Memories ─ part ii

── A @celestialarchiveshq collab “Connected by fate”

Pairing: Semi Eita x fem!reader Tags: college!au, kinda angst i guess, fluff, SLOW BURN, maybe strangers to lovers!au Summary: On the last day of the year, you dream of your soulmate’s most impactant memory that happened within the year. Each memory will be different each year. Word count: ~5.4k

Author’s note: Second part is up guys! Hope you all enjoy it, and please let me know what you're thinking so far! Reblogs are appreciated <3

WARNINGS: insecurity, mention of injury (it’s a broken arm), self-esteem issues, let me know if I forgot anything

MEMORIES’ MASTERLIST

2005 (age of 11)

The gymnasium was filled with the sound of the sneakers against the hard wooden floor, constant screams of “left!”, “right!”, “block!” and occasional cheerings when someone scored a point. Your soulmate was excited for practice as usual, the love he felt towards volleyball was huge, and the bubbling sensation on his stomach gave away he was excited for something.

“Boys, gather up!” The coach called the team near the benches, everyone sitting on the floor in front of the man. “It’s time to announce which positions you’ll play for the next season, and possibly for the rest of your middle school years.”

A list of names got called, the younger ones assigned to variate between a couple of positions; the older ones were mostly spikers or middle blockers. With naive eyes, being able to score points for the team was euphoric, as if the weight of the world was on their shoulders. Your soulmate waited restlessly, a part of his mind wandering on his arduous training, trying his best to achieve his dream position in the team.

He called his name, eyes quickly to find his coach’s face. “You’ll be the on the start lineup as setter.”

Your soulmate gasped, his lips quickly turning upwards as he smiled in ecstasy. His close friends lightly punched his back and arms, congratulating his hard work. All the boy could think was his father’s words about how your efforts are paid back, just like his guitar classes. He thought about the countless practices he tried his best to improve, asking tips to his coaches and seniors, tossing a ball against his bedroom wall - only to hear Aime complain about it during dinner.

It felt good, amazing even. He understood the concept of working hard perfectly, after experiencing it twice. Something inside him made himself feel unstoppable, as long as he has his determination to do better, he could achieve every and anything he ever dreamed about. Your soulmate had never felt such proudness of himself before, and he had every reason to feel like it.

2006 (age of 12)

Semi’s relationship with his relatives was good, all his uncles and aunts were nice to him, his older cousins never really bothered him and the younger ones were funny to play tag games. However, the boy wasn’t excused of having a certain degree of dislike towards his same-age cousin Touma. Being born in the same year was great when they were little, playdates worked well and they’d always make each other’s company during boring adults reunion.

Things started to change once they got older and started elementary school. Touma was constantly praised in his school, claimed as the best student in his year, with almost perfect scores and impeccable participation in events. Semi used to be happy for his cousin, but the feeling changed once the other started to brag about himself, belittling Semi’s achievements and efforts.

After that, their relationship was never the same, and both of them knew it. The thing was that their mothers weren’t aware of the sudden change of affection between them, resulting in regular Sunday lunches over their place. It was uncomfortable the silence between them, the pair sitting on opposite ends of the large sofa, doing their best to ignore the other’s presence.

“Aunt!” Touma called Semi’s mother, a too innocent smile on his face. “Did mom tell you that I’m the best student in my school? And the teachers want to subscribe me in a Math competition?”

“That’s great to hear, Touma-kun! You’re really smart!” His mother cheered way too excited, Semi noted, and the boy tried to recall every time he had big news to tell if his mom praised him like she did with his cousin.

“Even the director talked to me about changing a few classes, saying Touma is capable of attending advanced classes.” His aunt gushed with pride. “And he’s even the best player in the soccer team!”

“Wow, Touma, you’re really amazing!” Semi was undeniably jealous at how easily his mother complimented someone who wasn’t her own son. He was furious at her, at Touma, but especially at himself for not doing better to receive the same praises.

“I’m naturally good, aunt! I don’t have to study or practice more to improve.” His cousin stated, sending Semi and side look in a provocative way, like inciting him to fight back. “And what about Eita-kun?”

“Eita always tries his best in volleyball and guitar practices,” his mom started, fidgeting with the cloth she used to dry the washed plates. “He’s a hardworking boy, right, Eita?”

“Yeah…” he muttered in response, feeling his heart drop to his stomach. Did his mother lie to him about working hard on what you love? To earn her compliments he should be a genius, be born good at that thing and that’s that?

The rage inside him was replaced by disappointment, even sadness. His parents lied to him just to make him happy because he was their son, it was their obligation to hype their children even if they weren’t that happy. Semi wondered if his mother would’ve lied to Touma if he was her son - and the answer came quite easily: she wouldn’t, because she had no reason to do so.

At that moment, everything he believed started to fall apart. His concept of being good, of worth of praise and recognition. Years of proudness were thrown away in mere seconds, a mentality Semi built to face every challenge destroyed in the worst way possible: by his own mother.

I bet mom wanted a son like Touma, she’d replace me easily.

I’m not good enough, am I?

The following days after the first rehearsal you had with the band, you and Semi met up more often to talk about your project, what you have so far and what do you wanted from him. Although Semi didn’t spare snarky comments towards you, he was cooperative and even suggested a thing or two.

“So, what’s the lyrics?” Semi asked, both of you were in a small café near the campus. His long and slim fingers tapped the wooden table, while his left - and injured - arm rested near his body.

“Well,” you started, offering a sheepelesly smile. “It’s your story, you should write it.”

“It’s your project, Y/n.” He tried to correct you, closing tightly his jaw in annoyance. Overall it was quite easy to read the singer’s body language, it being more expressive than his words.

“My project is to produce a song - which I’ll do when you come up with the lyrics.” The man didn’t seem to be convinced, but either way let out a long sigh, bothered by the situation. “Whatever you want to tell the world, any suppressed feelings, I’m all ears to your ideas.”

Semi visibly was taken aback at your choice of wording, mouth slightly slacking and his brown pupils quivered as he lowered his gaze to the table. You knew it was rather dangerous to suggest something like that, giving the fact he resisted for a while before agreeing to help you. On the other hand, though, it was your only chance to get what you really wanted: a song filled with the deepest and rawest emotions.

Much like your soulmate, the man in front of you closed himself from the others. The last 10 years, you dreamed about a very hard tempered, isolated and hurt boy and you didn’t truly understand those feelings. Semi, in your judgment (that you acknowledged could be completely wrong), gave off the impression he might understand him. Perhaps through Semi, you would be able to comfort your soulmate, because regardless of his belief or not in being destined together, you needed to do anything to sooth his doubts.

“Semi-san?” A male voice broke the silence you two fell into without noticing, lifting you head, you saw a rather tall guy standing by the side of your table. He sported a sharp and uneven haircut alongside with a tired expression, though his eyes were wide opened in surprise.

“Oh, Shirabu.” Semi breathed out the name, also surprised by the sudden encounter. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah…” the awkwardness between them made you fidget in your seat, averting your eyes from them to look straight into your cup of coffee. “How- how are you doing?”

“Fine, actually- and you? Heard you were accepted in med school,” the singer commented. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

“Oh, uh- Y/n, this is Shirabu.” Semi introduced you two as you briefly exchanged a polite ‘hello’, a bit awkward by the situation. “We used to play in the same volleyball team during high school.”

“Oh, nice.” You reacted slightly rushed, the tension between the two previous teammates was growing as the seconds passed by. “Was Semi a good teammate? I’m playing support in his band and I can say he’s quite demanding.”

“Yes!” Shirabu exclaimed quickly, his nervousness showing off. “Semi-san was a good teammate and a respectful senpai.”

“Though you respected Wakatoshi the most, right?” Though you presumed Semi said that to joke around his underclassman, at some instance you felt bitterness hidden behind the playful comment. He laughed half-heartedly as Shirabu panicked to give him a proper answer. “I’m joking, relax.”

“I have to go, actually,” the younger man stated, offering the two of you an apologetic smile. “I have another period to attend… Anyways, it was nice to meet you, Semi-san, Y/n-san. Bye!”

“Take care!”

“Bye.”

Semi relaxed his whole body after hearing the front door close, running his right hand through the ash locks of his hair. You observed him shift on the chair, too immersed inside his own thoughts to notice your analytical gaze on him.

“Do you mind me asking why you look so shaken up?” Your voice was soft and lower, as if the choice of volume would prevent Semi from getting angry at you.

“He used to play in the same position as me.” Based on the few knowledge you had about volleyball, you assumed it was possible for two players to share the same role in the team, so you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. “We both were setters, he took my place on the start lineup.”

2011 (age of 17)

The third years arrived late at practice and the coach, even though knowing they had extra classes, screamed at them to change quickly. Unphased by the outburst, Ushijima, Tendou, Semi, Reon and Yamagata did as they were told so in order to start the warm ups. Each one of them took their position on the court, ready to practice their main abilities; however, Washijo called out Semi and Shirabu to the sidelines, a serious expression on the older’s face.

“Semi, I’d like you to focus on your serves from now on.”

“What- why, coach?” Semi asked surprised, closing his hand into fists angrily.

“Shirabu will be the main setter of the team.” Washijo stated, and for a moment the world has stopped moving in Semi’s perspective. “You’ll be the pinch server.”

“It’s not fair, coach! I’m-” the words died in the boy’s throat, giving up on arguing with him. Throughout the years he’s been trained by Washijo, Semi knew his decisions were made to improve the team’s strength and chances to win. Nothing would make the coach change his mind. “I understood.”

He bowed to Washijo and Shirabu before turning back to head to the end of the court, getting closer to those who were practicing their serves. Semi took a ball from the cart, smacking it to hit the floor a couple of times before tossing it into the air to serve. On the other side of the net, the ball landed near the fifth position, but the thought of scoring a service ace didn’t soothe the burning rage inside of him.

Once again Semi was told right in front of him that he’s not good enough, he wasn’t needed on the court to articulate all the offensives against the opponent team. Of all people. He was subbed by an underclassmen. Semi Eita, a famous setter during middle school, who was accepted at Shiratorizawa through a sports scholarship.

Angry tears stung his eyes, but he refused to let them slip through his eyelids. No, Semi was too proud to let anyone see how frustrated he was; he wouldn’t give Shirabu the satisfaction to see him break down, even though his junior could not think like that.

Years of hard working, training every single day to improve his tosses, every time he bent his fingers during practices. All for nothing. Semi felt stupid thinking that it would be enough, he should have learned years before with Touma. Efforts don’t take you anywhere if you’re not a genius. He should have known better.

Serve after serve landed perfectly in spots other teams’ defense would break: between the first, sixth and fifth position; so close to the sidelines some players would think it would be out, just to be surprised by the referee pointing the flag to the ground. However, it wasn’t enough, not for Semi. At that moment, no service ace would make up the thrilling sensation of setting the perfect ball that leads the team one point closer to the victory.

It was unfair how he was subbed during his third and last year in that team, after that season he would retire from the club’s activities and solely focus on university entrance exams. Washijo should know how he feels, especially because the coach himself couldn’t play because of his height. So why has he done that?

His gaze unconsciously fell over the main court, where the spikers were practicing with Shirabu. Semi desperately searched for any fault in the setter’s tosses, in his posture and even in his movements around the other players, anything to point out to the coach as an excuse for him to change his mind about the situation. What angered the boy the most was the fact Shirabu had such clean moves and a great analytical vision - he was way more competent that Semi himself in the matter of technique.

What took the biggest toll on him, though, was seeing Ushijima and Reon hitting every toss with such ease and power. Their performance was better than when Semi was the official setter, he couldn’t recall any practice or game both spikers were surpassing their usually good performance. That made everything clear to Semi: he couldn’t bring the best of his teammates as a setter, he wasn’t skilled enough to help his team on every offensive. He had to accept it.

There will always be someone better than me, Semi thought to himself, panting from tiredness. I’ll never be the first option for anything, I should have known that.

You’re pathetic, Semi Eita.

End of October, 2017 (current time, age of 23)

To say you were nervous was a understandment, you’ve never performed in a live house before - and it definitely wasn’t like school presentations, as you tried to convince yourself. The fact that those people in front of the stage weren't there to actually see you helped a bit to calm down your nerves, though not enough to prevent your hands from shaking.

“Don’t tell me you’re actually nervous, Y/n.” Semi teased you, earning a whine from you. The singer was relaxed - it would surprise you if he weren’t - with his arms crossed over his chest, carefully enough to put his right one over the other. He was looking good, you admitted to yourself, with black jeans, a white t-shirt and a leather black jacket. “You’re a music producer, you shouldn’t be afraid of the audience.”

“Firstly, I’m not a music producer,” you started angrily, narrowing your eyes at him. “And secondly, that’s why I chose to learn how to produce songs, because I won’t perform them.”

“You can either focus on a dot ahead of you, ignoring all eyes looking to the stage or,” he stepped closer to you, bending down a little so his mouth reached closer to your ear. “You can just look at me.”

You stepped back in surprise, feeling your cheeks heat with the exaggerated flow of blood through your veins. Semi laughed at your distressed expression, leaving you behind to search for his bandmates in order to prepare themselves to go on stage. You had no idea if the guy teased you on purpose or not, but it was effective: you were no longer anxious to be in front of people, but because you’d be next to Semi for at least 30 minutes.

The moment you dreaded the most arrived sooner than you thought, a staff from the live-house ushered you four to the stage. Akihiko sat behind the set of drums, positioning himself comfortably to start; Takeshi plugged the bass on the amplifier, adjusting the volume as he strummed the cords. Semi stood in the middle of the stage, pulling the microphone stand in front of him up to get it closer to his mouth. Your hands worked quickly on setting up your guitar, earning you enough time to pay attention to the audience’s noise through the closed curtains.

Before you could get lost in your own thoughts, a fixed and intense gaze on you pulled you out from overthinking. Semi’s brown eyes looked straight into yours, and somehow you felt a wave of calmness wash over you, deafening the sparse chattering around you. His lips formed a small smile, and differently from the sarcastic ones he usually offers you to mess around, it was genuine.

“You can do it, relax.” He mouthed, you barely caught the words as the staff crew announced the band and the curtains opened. Returning the smile with a nod, eyes diverting its focus to Akihiko - who beat his drumsticks four times, starting the presentation.

“Thank you so much for coming tonight!” Semi said on the microphone after the last song of the setlist, earning back a wave of screams and claps. “And special thanks to our support Y/n.”

The sudden attention you received startled you, but your response was to simply smile and bow to the public. You weren’t feeling shy at that moment, the adrenaline in your veins even made yourself enjoy the positive response from the public. As Akihiko came towards the stage and thanked everyone, the staff closed the curtains and Takeshi - who was closest to the exit - led the way out.

“You did amazing, Y/n!” Akihiko beamed, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“I was so nervous, though!” You laughed with them at your answer. “But it was a good experience, I enjoyed myself out there.”

“Great, because you’re in the band for a couple more shows.” Semi announced with a smirk, only to that morph into a bigger smile. “I still have a few weeks with the cast and physiotherapy to attend… you better enjoy the spotlight, rockstar.”

All of you burst into laughter, heading to the backstage room you got ready before. The boys encountered their own friends in the process, and while you didn’t know any of them, you decided to organize your own stuff. Soon, your guitar was securely inside its case, a couple of makeup products were stored in the small bag you brought and your cellphone was stuffed in your backpocket.

“Eita-nii!” A new, and loud, voice bursted into the room. The girl - who you presumed was Semi’s sister by the honorific she used - ran towards the singer, wrapping her arms around his body. The man himself reciprocates the gesture, although shyer than her. “You and the boys were great today! Oh- and who is that girl who played support? You’ve never told me it would be a girl! I thought you’d invited Kaito.”

“Hey,” Semi said louder, looking at you. The unsaid invite to come closer made you get up from your seat in the corner and walk towards them. “Aime, this is my friend Y/n. Y/n, this is my annoying younger sister, Aime.”

“Nii-chan!” Aime whined, quickly dismissing her brother as her attention focused solely on you. “You did so good on the stage! Eita has never told me he was friends with anyone new, let out a girl. I thought he was that antisocial that had only Akihiko and Takeshi-kun as friends.”

“I mean,” you giggled at Aime’s rambling, she was the complete opposite from her brother, which was endearing to see. “I didn’t know Semi considered me as his friends, once he thought I was hooking up with Akihiko.”

“What the hell, Semi?” The drummer jumped in the conversation, a grimace on his face. “I’d never do anything with Y/n- gosh I think I’m gonna throw up.”

“Should I say you’re the stalker who would leave me alone if I sang for your project, then? I can still change the status.” Semi teased you, in response, you lightly punched his left arm. “By the way, what are you doing here Aime? Don’t you have a curfew to follow? Does mom and dad know your whereabouts?”

“I’m not ten anymore, Eita!” She let out a huff in annoyance. “I’m twenty, remember that? A college student that has every right to enjoy herself on a Friday night after a tiring week.”

You let the two siblings bicker between them, taking in that new side of the singer you’ve never imagined he’d have. The usually cold, snarky boy also had a soft spot for his sister was also the common overprotective, caring older brother. You had to admit the duality in Semi’s personas suited him, and you felt like another side of his mysteries was presented to you.

“Well, I have to get going…” you announced gathering your things up, hearing Takeshi and Akihiko’s protests. “I booked a studio early in the morning, I want to be productive, not a literal zombie going over a few samples. Not to mention the last bus will stop by soon. Thank you so much for your hard work, guys! And also, it was a pleasure to meet the better Semi, Aime.”

“I barely know you but I’m sure I’ll like you!” Aime hugged you, while Semi scoffed ironically. “Hope we meet again soon, Y/n!”

“Wait, let me grab my coat.” Semi stopped you from leaving the room after saying goodbye to both Takeshi and Akihiko. “I’ll take you to the bus stop. Who knows what could happen in the middle of the night?”

“And what will you do? Hit them with your cast?” You sassed, the man rolled his eyes, taking the small bag from your hands.

The two of you left the live-house in silence, enjoying how the loudness gradually decreased and the city noises overtook your senses. You started to feel tired from the show just now, your eyelids were heavier than usual and your shoulder muscles ache due to the tension and nervousness you were feeling. Either way, you felt good, performing was nice - though if you had to choose, being inside a studio felt much more comfortable.

“You did well today.” Semi spoke out of blue, with your peripheral vision you analysed him. His head was upwards looking to the sky, the corner of his mouth was tugged in a small smile and his posture gave off the feeling he was feeling satisfied. “You were so nervous before going on stage, but when we started, you looked like you’ve performed before. You have a talent.”

“It was the adrenaline.” Both of you laughed at your comment, silencing yourselves as you arrived at the bus stop. It was empty, which was expected given the fact it was almost one in the morning, so you took a seat next to each other. “I never imagined you were the protective older brother…”

“Trust me, you’re not the first one to tell me this,” he scoffed jokingly, a much softer expression adorned his face at the topic of his sister. “Aime is just… something else, you know? As her older brother, I think I have to shield her from being hurt - even if it means I get hurt”

“What, have you punched someone in the face because of her?” You joked, only to the laughter die on your throat at his positive response with a nod. “You’re kidding me, Semi!”

“I’m telling the truth!” He protested, a frown appearing on his face. “Some boy thought he could call my sister a bitch and leave unpunished. It was my very first fight, but as Aime’s brother, it was my job to teach that little shit a lesson.”

“Bet he punched you in the face, as well.”

“Yeah, but,” Semi stopped talking, inhaling deeply before turning to you. “You saw how she is, I- I can’t never let someone take it away from her. Nobody is allowed to hurt her like…”

“Like…” you tried to encourage him to speak after a few seconds, only for him to sigh tiredly and give you a meek smile.

“Nothing… guess it’s just the cliché older brother talk,” the way he avoided finishing his original train of thought didn’t go unnoticed by you, but you let it go to not cause further embarrassment. As the two of you entered in a comfortable silence, you saw the bus turning into the main avenue. “The princess’ carriage has arrived, my lady.”

“Thank you very much for protecting me, my knight in shining… arm cast.” You giggled at your lame joke, taking the bag from his hands. “I’ll talk to you soon… regarding the project and stuff.”

“And don’t forget we have rehearsals.” Semi reminded you, getting up from his seat. The bus stopped in front of you, the two of you stared at each other not knowing what to do. Before you could turn and hop on the vehicle, the man ruffled your hair with a mischievous smile. “Good night.”

“Good night, Semi.”

1997 (age of 3)

The white corridors seemed to be longer in Semi’s perspective, his young perception didn’t allow him to estimate how long he'd been walking with his grandparents on that floor. What buzzed in his mind was the new piece of information grandma told him before leaving the house.

“Let’s visit mommy and Aime-chan, Eita-kun.”

The boy was still confused why his mother had to go to a hospital to meet his younger sister - even though his parents had innumerous talks about this special day. Nevertheless, Semi was excited to see mom and dad after a whole day without them - and to finally see Aime.

Grandad knocked on the door, gently pushing it open so Semi could walk in. The sight of strange wires and tubes on his mother’s skin scared him, bumping into the older’s legs. Sensing his distressed expression, his father came closer to him, scooping the little kid in his arms. Semi hid his face on the crook of his dad’s neck, avoiding eye contact with the starling objects near his beloved mom.

“Eita,” her smooth voice called him, he lifted slightly his head to meet her eyes, only to hide again. “What’s wrong, love?”

“Mommy is hurt…” he whispered, pointing to all the equipment near the bed.

“No, buddy, mom is not hurt,” his dad denied, tapping lightly his back as an invitation for him to look around. “These things are making sure mommy is doing fine, she’s been pretty tired, remember we talked about it? How would Mommy feel tired after Aime left her tummy?”

An unknown whine filled the room, making Semi lift his head to search for the source of said sound. His eyes eventually fell on the tiny baby on his mother’s arms, opening and closing her mouth as little noises escaped through her thin lips.

“Aime?” Semi pointed out, suddenly feeling curious. His father sat him down next to his mother, letting him have a better view of the baby. “Aime is small!”

“Yes, she is, sweetheart.” His mother agreed softly, pulling the blanket slightly downwards so her son could see Aime’s face. “But soon she’ll grow bigger, and you two can play together. Will you share your toys with her?”

“Only if she doesn’t drool on them!” His statement made everyone laugh, but Semi couldn’t care less, too entertained with his sister. “I love Aime.”

“You have to protect her as the older brother, Eita.” His father told him, coming closer to them. Semi nodded excitedly, lowering his head to leave a kiss on Aime’s forehead.

2012 (age of 18)

All Semi could see was red as he approached Aime in front of a café. She was accompanied by her friends and some stranger boy, who was awfully close to his baby sister. The words a fellow classmate told him before they left the dorms for winter break rang through his head.

“Hey, Semi, I heard a guy from another school has been hitting on your sister for a while. My friend told me she’s pretty bothered by him.”

“Aime!” He screamed, heavy footsteps marking his way over the thin layer of snow. The said girl turned around, a mixed expression between relief and fear on her face. Stopping in front of the boy, Semi opened a bit more his chest in order to look more intimidating. “What the fuck do you want with her?”

“None of your business, dude.” His voice was coated with anger, the short phrase said between gritted teeth. “I saw this beauty first, back off.”

“And I said I’m not interested!” Aime piped in with a squeak.

“You heard her.” Semi stepped closer to him, locking eyes with the stranger. “Get lost.”

“This little slut is playing hard to get.” The world seemed to stop spinning, Semi took a second to process what that guy had the audacity to call his little sister. “I dare you to say this after I-”

He couldn’t finish his words as Semi threw the first punch right into his left cheek, knocking him to the floor. Kneeling next to him, the pinch server proceeded to get a firm grasp on the collar of his coat with the left hand, while his right one collided with the boy’s face repeatedly. Semi could hear at the back of his head people screaming at him, Aime calling out his name, but nothing would make him stop until that brat learned his lesson.

The other boy managed to get a hold of himself, punching Semi on his sides - who lost his breath and received another hit on the face. On his tongue, he felt the taste of his own blood - and he wasn’t able to distinguish where it could be from: either from his lips or the inside of his cheeks. With his knee, Semi returned the blows on his ribs, quick to sit himself on the boy’s stomach.

Every punch he gave seemed to increase its power, shifting between his nose, cheeks and mouth. Semi has never felt so enraged before, just remembering what he had called Aime made his body warm with adrenaline and wrath.

“I dare you to call my sister,” Semi muttered between huffs of air, feeling difficulty to breathe in and out due to the intense body movement and the pain on his sides. “A slut again. I fucking dare you!”

Before he could do anything else, two men held him back, making sure to wrap their hands on his arms, and lifted him up. Semi, in his last act of anger, kicked the boy laying on the floor aimlessly. The other boy was aided by another man, refusing his care to get up and look straight into Semi’s eyes.

“Watch out, asshole, I’m getting back to you.”

“Be ready to have a fucking broken nose.” Semi mocked him, and before he could continue his threats, Aime appeared in front of him with tears stained over his cheeks. “I was the one who got punched and you’re crying.”

“Are you insane!?” She asked distressingly, knocking on his chest - which made him lose his breath. “Why would you do that?”

“Isn't it obvious?” He asked, gently freeing himself from the men’s grasp. “I’m your older brother.”

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amazingmsme · 4 years

Text

The Darkest Shadows Hold the Darkest Secrets

AN: This idea has been lurking in the back of my mind for the longest time, and I’m so glad I can finally share it! Klaus sleepwalks, and Five and Diego witness it. WARNINGS: ptsd, mentions of war, guns

Five was no stranger to odd situations. Growing up as a childhood superhero and becoming a time correcting assassin basically ensured that he would be involved in all kinds of odd situations. So when he went to the kitchen in the middle of the night to brew some coffee, he wasn't very phased to see Klaus sitting in the dark, disassembling a rifle and muttering in his sleep. He knew from experience that PTSD really fucked you up, and time travel could scramble your brains. Ever since his brother had gotten back from his little trip to Vietnam, he'd been... different. But different had always been Klaus's normal; this wasn't his usual kind of different.

He still constantly goofed off, making inappropriate jokes any moment he could. But now he had a few quirks and ticks that hadn't always been there. Five had learned a lot from Vanya's book, and observed enough about him in the short time that he had been back to pick up on his general personality and quirks. He knew something was up the moment he saw him after his trip through time. He was obviously suffering from recent time travel, that was obvious, but he had a distant and extremely sad look that was very much unlike him. Of course he slapped on his happy mask as soon as he noticed him, but once Five saw through the cracks, the pieces began to fall into place. The new tattoos, the dog tags, even the way he was standing. He was honestly a little disappointed that none of the others even noticed any of these details.

He knew he went to Vietnam. He knew he fought in the war for a year. He was pretty sure that he lost someone extremely close to him. It was all very sad. Nearly everything about the Hargreeves' existence was either sad or fucked up. He knew Klaus hated the dead, and there was no place where death was more prominent than in a war zone.

So Five observed him. He leant against the doorframe and watched as Klaus took apart the gun, strategically placing each part in front of him on the table. He finished surprisingly quick. Then, just as fast, he put it all back together. He was impressed.

Klaus kept up with the routine, disassemble, assemble, disassemble, assemble, over and over again. Then, he broke the pattern, raising it up to rest against his shoulder as he took aim.

Five stared straight at the barrel of the gun. He knew it was unloaded, but it was so unsettling seeing his sleeping brother handle the weapon with such a practiced ease, he wasn't even sure he himself was capable of. He trailed his gaze up to his face. His expression was mostly smoothed, but there were the slightest wrinkles scrunching up his face. Anger, distress, sadness, fear, all perfectly summed up in his features. Five thought he must look the same while he sleeps. A killer can recognize a killer.

But Five isn't one to pry. He's perfectly content in leaving well enough alone, and if this was somehow helping Klaus work through his problems, who was he to interfere? He hated when his siblings tried to pry, so he respected Klaus's privacy. After all, he was still the same brother they knew and reluctantly loved while he was awake. And when he was asleep, he continued his nightly ritual away from them all. But Five made sure to stow away all the bullets in the house in their own separate hiding spot inside the gun safe. None of the others seemed to notice a particular rifle seemed to be missing from its usual spot, but Five knew about the gun stowed away underneath his bed.

Five was well aware of all of this and made a habit of checking in on him during the night. He wouldn't always be in the same place, and he had to search through the rooms to find him. He had never been the closest with Klaus when they were young, but now Five felt a deeper connection with his eccentric brother, a strong sense of understanding that he couldn't explain. He could tell Klaus knew something was up, but he didn't really question it.

He really took on the role of the older brother, guarding over Klaus in secret and standing up for him when the others would say a less than nice comment about him.

Two and a half weeks in. It didn't happen every night, but it happened often enough. He was able to pick up some words here and there. Names mostly. The name most commonly heard was Dave. He vaguely remembers him mentioning losing someone. Dave must be who he was referring to.

Klaus would cry in his sleep. Silent tears slipping down his cheeks as his bottom lip quivered. Small broken whimpers slipped out occasionally and broke Five's heart. And then there were the screams, not loud enough to wake their siblings in the massive house, but loud enough to be alarming. Five would always try to calm and comfort him without waking him. He didn't know how Klaus would react from such a nightmare, so he would speak softly and lovingly, stroking a gentle hand through his hair. He just wanted to protect his brother, but didn't know how.

One night, while going through the nightly ritual, he heard something behind him shift. He turned around to see a stunned Diego, frozen in shock as he watched Klaus take apart the rifle for the umpteenth time. He jumped about a foot in the air when he noticed Five staring and placed a hand over his heart. He sped walked over to him and loomed over Five.

"Mind telling me what the fuck I just walked in on?" he whisper yelled.

"Keep your voice down, you'll wake him up! Now go back to bed, I have everything under control," Five said, ready to turn away from him. Diego gripped his shoulder and whipped him back around to face him.

"And just how, do tell, do you have everything under control?" He was leaning in so close, their noses almost touched. He was trying hard to hold back his anger, and Five could see just how hard he was gritting his teeth together. He calmly placed a hand on his shoulder, pushing him back slightly.

"I've been watching him-"

"That's not at all creepy." Five fixed him with a look before he continued.

"He's been doing this for a few weeks now, so I've just been checking in on him to make sure he's okay and things don't get... out of hand."

Diego glanced over at their sleeping brother, who's hands were still hard at work. "It's not loaded, is it?"

"God no, I'm not fucking stupid! I put the bullets somewhere safe." Diego was still in shock.

"So that's it then? You just stow the bullets away and watch Klaus do that," he gestured towards said man, "And not even bother telling any of us? Have you even told Klaus? I'm sure he'd like to know about this!" His voice was slowly starting to rise.

Five went on the defensive. "Personally, I don't think any of you deserved to know! He went through a lot of shit when he time traveled, and this must be his subconscious way of processing it. You all would only try and pry into his business and put a stop to it. There's a reason why he's doing this, so I think it's best to let him work in a safe controlled environment."

Diego let out a soft laugh of shock and disbelief. "There's nothing safe or controlled about what he's doing. Look at him Five, he needs our help." Diego was staring at him, yearning to help in some way, yet not knowing how.

"I am helping. I make sure he doesn't hurt himself, and if his dreams get too bad, I calm him back down." He didn't take his eyes away from Klaus, watching his lips move in murmuring whispers as his hands continued their nightly dance. "I don't know if he's told you, but he doesn't get a lot of sleep. The ghosts are too much to handle I guess, and now he has to deal with nightmares from the war on top of that. I like to let him get as much sleep as he can." He glanced down at his hands shoved in his pockets, "I think doing this helps him sleep."

Diego's shoulders sagged as he released a heavy sigh. He could at least understand his brother's reasoning behind all of this. Still, it just felt wrong. "I get it. It's still not right, but I get why you do it." He leaned against the opposite side of the door frame. "You really should tell Klaus. He's the one doing this, he should have a right to know." Five let out a sigh of his own.

"I just... I don't know how he'll react, and I don't want to upset him. I hate seeing him be afraid of himself, and I don't want him to be mad at me for not telling him sooner. Isn't it just better if he doesn't know?" He looked up at Diego with wide, concerned eyes. And there, standing in the dark, he had never looked more like the young soul they thought they had lost all those years ago.

"He needs to know Five."

"Son of a bitch, that's what I thought you'd say." That made his brother laugh. He furrowed his brows at him. "The hell are you laughing for?"

"You can't fool me. You try and act like you don't care as much as you do, but it's things like these that show the real you." He leant forward and poked his chest. "You're a softy." Five's face contorted in disgust at the word as he smacked the hand away.

"Says the momma's boy!"

"Deny it all you want, but you can't hide from the truth. You'd do anything for us if it came down to it, that's why you were so obsessed with the apocalypse. And that's why you're obsessing over Klaus now." Five knew he was right, and he hated it. Diego knew that he knew.

"And what makes you so sure of all of this?" Diego rolled his eyes.

"You're not exactly subtle bro. You've gotten super defensive over him, even to the point where Klaus thinks it's kinda weird. And you've gotten clingy."

"I am not clingy!" he protested. The taller man just shook his head with a knowing smile.

"You totally are! And I could tell you've been losing sleep, now I know why."

"Can you blame me?" Both their eyes were glued on him. He brought the finished gun up to his face as though he were looking through a scope. Finger hovering over the trigger, never pulling. The moonlight shone in through the window, bathing the room in a silvery blue glow. A sterling beam of light glinted off of the barrel, reflecting onto Five's cheek. "I just feel like I should be protecting him." Diego clasped a firm hand on his shoulder and gave a slight squeeze.

"It's not your job to protect everyone from everything. You both deserve a break." His voice was warm and soothing, providing some much needed comfort in the cold dim room. "But you have to tell him sooner or later. And the longer you wait, the worse it'll be."

Five nodded. He knew that what Diego said was true, but that didn't mean he hated it any less. He knew he had to come clean some time. "Fine. Just give me a few days to figure out what to say to him."

Diego let out a fond chuckle, "Every day you don't, I throw a knife at you."

He narrowed his eyes, glaring at him, "Fair enough. Just keep in mind I know how to throw them too. I was a trained assassin after all." Diego gave him a thumbs up, before leaning against the fame. They fell into a comfortable silence, just the two of them watching.

None of the Hargreeves were strangers to the odd and messed up. There were a lot of dim corners shrouded in shadows, where an ugly truth could reside. All it takes is one peak behind the veil to discover that the darkest shadows hold the darkest secrets.

#klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #diego hargreeves #the umbrella academy #tua #tua fic #tw: ptsd #tw: war #tw: guns #this was so fun to write

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gromvillage · 5 years

Note

all even numbers. do it coward

oh for fuck’s sake let’s go bois

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

depends on my mood and the situation, i feel like i’ve been a lot quieter lately

4. Are you easy to get along with?

i’d like to think so but i know that’s not completely true, i can be pretty stubborn about ideas i have in a group setting and always kinda take charge in situations

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

people who care about me and respect me, people who are adventurous, literally anyone that can pick me up/is willing to carry me

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

this guy i’m into right now but shouldn’t be cause he’ll probably never be into me lmao

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

ohhh i don’t remember. i feel like recently i haven’t really had any deep conversations with anyone sadly

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

ohhh really into the kids see ghosts album, a bunch of hobo johnson’s stuff, grrrls by aviva (this isn’t five songs but,,,,suck it)

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

not really

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

prolly not

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

don’t remember who my first crush was but i know i don’t talk to them anymore thank you, i had horrible taste when i was younger

20. Do you like your neighbors?

yeah!! most of them are pretty cool and i’m fairly close with them! there are a few that i’m not huge on but that’s life

22. Where would you like to travel?

oh all kinds of places. i want to go to antartica and the himalayas and the andes and the atacama desert and colorado and the sierras and all america’s national parks and tons of places in europe and mongolia and so many other places

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

at the end of the day i like decompressing in my room and i also really love my art classes!

26. What do you do when you wake up?

check my phone (sadly), watch the news for like ten minutes, shower, pack my lunch/make something for breakfast, go to school

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my close friends, though recently i’ve struggled a lot with my thoughts on my relationships with those around me

30. Do you ever want to get married?

it’s not a top priority but i think if i found the right person maybe

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

ohhh boi there are many options.....timothee chalamet, bella heathcote, cara delevingne, russel wilson, harry styles, anothony ramos, tons of mountain athletes

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

i don’t play sports per say but i do a lot of stuff outdoors!! hiking, backpacking, wakeboarding, skiing, that kinda stuff

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

oh hell yeah have you even met me i am constantly liking people and not telling them

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

ummm kind the same answer as 6 but like someone who would be goofy with me and go on adventures and listen to me ramble about random shit and not get mad with me when i struggle with my thoughts

40. What do you want to do after high school?

hopefully go to college out west (fuck the south) and then get a job doing something outdoorsy!!

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

i’m either tired, pissed, sad, feeling left out, or a mix of all of em

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

ohhh tough but prolly go with space, there’s so much that we don’t know and also i wanna be weightless

46. What are you paranoid about?

oh lots of things, my parents finding out i’m gay, being abandoned by those close to me, ending up with everyone hating me, good stuff like that

48. Have you ever been drunk?

nope, not into that kinda stuff

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

maroon! i stay wearing that color

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

i think that i’m insecure about a lot of things and internalize that insecurity and let it stew, which is unhealthy and leaves me constantly questioning the world and people around me

54. Favourite store?

really any outdoor store

56. Favourite colour?

pretty partial to red but i also like kind of a forest green

58. Last thing you ate?

seasoned oyster crackers, those dudes slap

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

i came in third at our friendsgiving cook-off this past weekend?? i made bacon poptarts and it was cool to place cause i was competing against all adults who are pretty good cooks

62. Been arrested? For what?

negative ghostrider

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

pretty sure it was this dude in like second grade on the playground, which is hella lame

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

the only real tumblr friends i have are people i know in real life so,,,,

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr, though i’ve thought about getting a twitter recently

70. Names of your bestfriends?

wouldn’t you like to know weather boy

72. What colour are your towels?

i have some that are blue and some that are white

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

one usually, but two if it’s sad boi hour

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

oh i don’t know that i have any?? yeah don’t think i have any

76. What colour is your underwear?

today it’s kinda that boring peach tan color

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

really love chocolate raspberry but i also love pretty much all tillamook ice cream flavors

80. What colour pants?

today they’re a dark khaki

82. Favourite movie?

maybe bill and ted’s excellent adventure?? they’re just out living life and aren’t super stressed about school (other than the part where it’s the whole plot) and also really dig their clothes

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

haven’t seen either

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

crush maybe? he’s just doing his thing and i dig it. also his voice is sick

88. Last person you talked to today?

@perpetualpatchwork!!

90. Name a person you love?

myself, sometimes

92. In a fight with someone?

at the moment no, though my brother and i argued a ton over thanksgiving break

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

ohhh lots probably close to like 10 or 15

96. Favourite actress?

don’t really have a favorite but saoirse ronan is pretty cool

98. Do you tan a lot?

nah, i stay pretty pale throughout the summer though i do get nice freckles!

100. How are you feeling?

tired and stressed at the moment, but aren’t we all

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

oh yeah there are quite a few things

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

there were a couple people i was close to in elementary and middle school i would like to reconnect with

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

only my own

108. What should you be doing?

hella homework and getting ready for my scout meeting

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

there have been a couple times,,,,

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

my mom a couple weeks ago

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yep!! i have traveled the country quite a bit and was lucky enough to leave the country for the first time this summer!

116. Are you listening to music right now?

yeah, nirvana’s heart shaped box

118. Do you like Chinese food?

not hugely, i’d really like to try the authentic stuff though!

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

in some cases, mostly when i’m camping

122. Is cheating ever okay?

negative ghostrider

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

how can you love someone you’ve never talked to?

126. Are you currently bored?

somewhat with my life, though there is so much i could do to try and improve it but i just don’t put in the effort and instead just complain

128. Would you change your name?

not really?? i liked to think about other names i wanted as a kid (tori was a particularly embarrassing one) but i’m pretty happy with my name now

130. Do you like subway?

i have to admit yes, it slaps when you’re on a road trip and stop and get a sandwich and then find a park or overlook to eat it at

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

this is the same as number 10???

134. Can you count to one million?

i’m sure i could because i know how numbers work but i don’t think i would ever want to

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed bruh gotta keep the monsters out

138. Curly or Straight hair?

oh it’s so freaking straight it doesn’t hold a curl at all

140. Summer or Winter?

winter, cause i can go skiing and sit by the fire and drink hot chocolate and cuddle up with blankets and wear jackets all the time

142. Favourite month?

big fan of december, though i like most of fall and the beginning of spring

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark or milk, white chocolate is the work of the devil

146. Was today a good day?

ehhh not great, we been out here struggling with a lot of stuff

148. What’s your favourite quote?

i don’t know that i have a favorite but i like “be excellent to each other” from bill and ted’s excellent adventure, “anyone can cook” from ratatouille, and “the idea of wilderness needs no defense, it only needs defenders” from edward abbey

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

the book is my bullet journal and the first thing written on the page is monday from one of my weekly spreads, which isn’t a very exciting first line

#grom village replies #you kids really went off on me for these and i love you for it #i stay talking about myself

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robbie-lee-zombie · 6 years

Text

Smile For Me!

Little!Jackie is trying to fix a toy Anti accidentally broke (yes accidentally) and when he can’t fix it, Marvin swoops in to cheer him up! @magicleemarvlerous @jackleeboy-man (Ironically the little/daddy stuff is switched- but this isn’t actual ddlg, it’s just mini/chibi/children- <3) NOTE: PART OF THE WORDS/LINES ARE INSPIRATION FROM @thetickleeraven ‘s STORY OF UNDERTALE BROTHERS WHERE PAPPY CAME HOME HURT (FORGOT THE NAME) SO PLEASE GIVE HER LOVE <3

Jackie whimpered, wiping his eyes over and over as he couldn’t stop crying. He was sitting in the middle of his room, trying to fix a paddle that Anti had accidentally broke. The string was connected to the paddle, the ball to the other end, but the string was torn. He’d tried taping, gluing, even just holding it together or tying it in a not. It didn’t work. He was starting to want to give up. He really loved this toy because watching it bounce was entertaining. Jackie stares down at the toy with his arms around his knees, biting his lip to stop his tears. Marvin heard the faint sound of whimpering as he walked down the halls, instantly becoming concerned as he recognized who’s voice it was. “Jackie??” Marvin calls out, concerned. When he heard a few sniffles coming from Jackie’s closed door, he knew it was him. Marvin knocked softly on the door, waiting for his little superhero to open it, but he didn’t. Marvin pouted, annoyed, being a kid, that he didn’t get his answer straight away, but when he opened the door, his heart sank. Jackie in a ball on the floor, whimpering. “Jackie...” Jackie looks up at Marvin, sniffling and wiping his eyes. “H-Hey, Marv!” “What happened?” “I-I let Anti borrow my paddle and he r-returned it broken. I know it’s not his fault, I-I just don’t know how to fix it! I tried everything!” Jackie knew it was just a toy, but he’d always been the hero. Fixing problems, mending things broken, and this little stump as a kid kinda threw him off track. He wasn’t his bubbly and heroic self. Marvin can’t have that, now can he? Marvin grabs Jackie by the shoulders and makes him look at him. “Now you listen here, mister!” He starts. “I will use a magic spell to fix it! But we will worry about that later! Right now, I need you to smile for me okay? So I know for a fact you’re happy!” He smiles at him, showing him what he’s wanting. Jackie sniffles one more time, mustering a weak smile from his crying. Marvin squints at him, observing for a few moments, until he shook his head, crossing his arms. “Not good enough! I need you to REALLY smile! Really and truly!” Jackie pouted a little. “I don’t think that Jackieboy can smile right now...” “I think Jackieboy can!” Jackie snickered a little, a smile starting to show. “See?! The great Jackieboy can!!” Jackie giggles, rolling his eyes at his magician of a best buddy. Sure, he’s a kid, but he trusted Marvin more than any of the others around here! “Come on, the great Jackie can laugh way more than that!” Marvin started poking at his belly and sides, grinning when he curled and giggled cutely. He knew this was the perfect way to cheer up the sad hero. “Nohohoho! Maharvyhy!” Squeaky giggles escaped from the red cape wearing boy. Since he never got a suit for real, he’d wear his pajamas and a cape and a mask. He loved it, because Marvin made the mask so they’d almost match! “Aw, what’s wrong? I’m barely doing anything!~” Marvin teases, watching as Jackie’s cheeks turn a soft pink shade. He threw his head to the side with a snort as he felt two hands creep under his shirt, spidering his belly. “NAHAHA! MAHARVY QUIHIT IHIT!” “I’m not Marvin! I’m the tickle monster!!~” He dives in, nibbling at his neck, spidering at his ribs and sides, watching as Jackie squirmed and laughed out loud. He loves how giggly he gets, he loves how blushy he gets, and he loooooves how much he never asks for it to stop. Jackie would go ‘Quit it!’ or ‘Cut it out!’ but never actual ‘Stop!’ because he thought if he said it, it’d actually end. He liked it though. He likes the contact, the feeling, being all embarrassed with someone he trusts. “Coochie coochie coo, Jack-Jack!~” Marvin smirks when his cheeks turned red. “NAHAHA! SHUHUSH IHIT!” Marvin gasps at that. “How DARE you?! Here I am trying to be a good buddy and you tell me to shush it?! What kind of friendship is that??” He pretends to be offended, flipping his hair. “Now I gotta punish you! I’m pretty lazy, but it’s worth it!~” Marvin bends down, lifting his shirt up to his ribs and placing his lips above his navel. “Final words, hero?~” “S-Sohohorry?” “Well, apology accepted, but I’m still gonna do it!~” Marvin blows a raspberry right on his navel, his tongue dipping in a few times as he spiders into his very ticklish underarms. Jackie squeals and howls in boisterous, childish laughter. “NAHAHAHAHA!! MAHAHAHRV FAHAHAHAHAHACK!!” It was common knowledge each ego knew at least one swear word since birth. Mostly from either Dark, Wilford, or even Anti. Some of them avoided it, but at a time like this, being tickled out of your mind? Who could help that?? “Coochie coochie coo, Jackie!~ Aw, are you really gonna be taken down by a liiittle tickling?!~ Such a ticklish little boy!~” “WEHEHE’RE THE SAHAME AHAHAGE DOHOHOOFUS!” “Don’t use logic with me!” He blew another raspberry, throwing him back into hysterics. After a little bit, he hears his laughter fall close to silent, and he immediately stopped in fear he’d taken it too far. Marvin gets off him, still looming over Jackie’s body to make sure he’s doing alright. To no surprise, he was doing just fine. His eyes sparkled, his smile still showing, his cheeks still a little red and his body twitching. Also known as, in the words of Marvin, adorable. As usual. Marvin places a kiss to Jackie’s nose, smiling in return. “Is my hero all better?” “Much better!” He giggles, pulling Marvin down to the floor beside him on the rug of the room. Marvin and Jackie chatted, practiced childish magic tricks, played fairy tales and hero saves damsel in distress. Soon enough, falling asleep after a long day of having fun. The toy did get fixed, but if Jackie had Marvin, what more did he need?

#Robbie Fics #Tickle fic #ego tickle fics #egos tickle #ego tickles #ego tickle story #Jack egos #Mark egos #tickle #tickling #Lee!Jackie #Ler!Marvin #Markiplier #Jacksepticeye #Fluff #Tickle Fight

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maddieson-san · 6 years

Text

Secret Santa KogKag gift

ALRIGHT. This is for @sarahbearah1914. FIRST OF ALL, I am so sorry it wasn’t in time for Christmas. I had finished it before we left for our big trip, and we were supposed to return the 24th. So I was going to just re-read it when I came back and post it for the 25th. And then, well, this is CANADA. And we had a HUGE ice rain, snow storm. And all planes were delayed, and it was a mess, and we ended up NOT with our families for christmas. AND alright, not the important part of this, but - I wanted to say I’m deeply sorry for the delay. I promise it was very much out of my control, and I am very, very sorry.

And I hope you will enjoy this, and I hope you had the best christmas! And I hope you can forgive me.

So here we go.

(Also, did I say sorry?)

Please, don’t do this to me.

Kagome prayed to all the gods she could think of as she repetitively turned the key into her broken down car. Despite her best efforts - it was not working. It teased her into believing that it might start up, but it was not. As her pale fingers were crisped around the black leather steering wheel, she let her head fall forward, hitting the steering wheel. Why? She banged her head a few times, desperation filling her chest. She should have gotten a new car, but - she had not. Money had been tight and - and she could not afford it. She had been using her extra money to help her mother at the shrine. Every month, she gave an envelope of cash to her mother, who reluctantly accepted it. Mostly because Kagome told her that it was extra money that she did not need. But she did need it. She had convinced herself that she could make her car last a few more years… but, it had decided otherwise.

And now there she was stuck parked in front of a now closed grocery store, in the evening, with no way home. Her shift at the store had run longer than anticipated. Maybe she could call a cab? But she could not abandon her car here! What if it was salvageable? What if she could get some money from it? Maybe she could call one of her friends, get advice or a ride from a friend. She resigned herself to her reality and pulled the keys out of the ignition, before exiting the car. She slammed the door shut and leaned against it while fishing her cellphone out of her black leather purse. As Kagome looked up, she noticed a bright red sign. She tilted her head to the side, reading it out: KT Mechanics. Could it be? Was life actually letting her catch a break? No, it was probably closed. But the sign was still lite up. It was worth a try.

She put her cellphone back in her purse and started to head down the street. If at least she could get an actual diagnostic on the car, it might help her make a decision. She could not help but shake her head at the situation. Three years ago, she would have never thought that her life would end up like this. She went from chasing youkais to looking for a mechanic in the middle of the night. The intensity of her adventures had died down with the passing years, that was for sure. At first, it had been a hard change of reality but after time passed, she learned to accept that she was back to being a regular girl. No more time traveling, no more shards - no more Inuyasha.

And that was fine.

Of course, the life she had left behind here had been a mess upon her return but she had managed to clean it up. She had to stay in high school an extra year, then she had to do community college for almost two years. It had taken every moment of her time, only to still be at the bottom of the barrel. In the end, she had managed to get into university - which was about to start in a few weeks. Meanwhile, all of her friends had graduated, or almost, and they were on their way to bettering their lives. But it was okay. Because she had more than she thought she would ever had after throwing away her school years.

After a few more seconds, Kagome finally reached the mechanics store’s front door. There was a blue neon sign flashing the word open staring at her as she pushed the metal door open. A bell dinged to announce her entrance as the door closed behind her. She threw a quick glance around, but the place was empty. A bunch of tires were piled up in the corner, oil stains covered the floor and the front counter appeared to be pretty busted up. She dared to take a few quiet steps ahead, trying to see if she could spot anyone in the back. Unfortunately for her all she could see was darkness. She would almost think no one was there if it were not for the sound of tools clinging together. There had to be somebody.

Her eyes swept the counter until they found a tiny metal damaged bell. Better than nothing. She pressed it down, its distorted sound echoing through the emptiness. “Anybody?” she tried.

Why did she feel like she was in the middle of a horror movie?

“Can I help you?”

The moment she lifted her head, she found herself staring into two brown eyes and she was hopeless to stop the scream that passed her lips. What in the world? She did not even hear him coming! She palmed her chest with her hand, feeling the beating of her heart beneath her fingers. “Y-yes, hm. I… My car broke down.”

The guy stared at her as he wiped the oil off of his fingers with a dirty white rag. He had short black hair slicked back and his red t-shirt was ripped at various spots. “Where?”

“Just - just down the street. I was - I was hoping somebody could tell me what’s wrong with it.” She shifted her weight from her left foot to her right. “I’m kinda hoping to make it live a few more months at least.” Once school would start and the big bills would die down, it would be much better. Right now - it was simply just too tight.

“We’ll have to tow it here.”

“Sure.”

She stared down at her watch: it was 7:59pm, she could afford to lose a few hours right?

“A’right. Hey Hak, we need a quick tow,” he shouted to someone who was still working in the back.

The clinging sound stopped and footsteps were heard as somebody else emerged through the darkness. A blond mohawk popped first, before a guy with a nose piercing became visible. He was dressed similarly to the other guy except he was wearing oil stained jeans that had faded spots of color beneath the knees. “Sure, where’s the car?”

“Hm, down the street,” she answered.

As she spoke, the guy stopped walking. Instead, he raised his head to look at her and his gaze did not falter. She managed a small smile to hide her awkwardness, but her level of discomfort grew. Why was he looking at her like that?

“— Hmm, yeah. Can you show — me?”

She knitted her eyebrows. “Sure.”

He moved around the counter, never taking his eyes off of her until she turned around. That was weird. Against her best judgement, she led the way to her car. It was not like she thought he was a stalker or killer, but she could not get over the way he was looking at her. She could hear his footsteps behind her as she walked and she tried to act as natural as possible. Once the car was in view she came to a halt and turned around. “It’s the blue one there,” she said as she pointed.

“Alright, so we’ll be able to tow it back to the shop, it should only take a few minutes. You can go back inside if you want.”

“Okay, thank you.”

The further she got from him, the less awkward it was. Once she was back inside, the man was still at the counter. “Do ya want something to drink?”

“No I’m fine, thank you.”

“You can sit on that chair if ya want. It’s the only clean seat we got.”

She turned her head and spotted a lonely foldable black chair; that would do. She walked to it and plopped down before throwing her head backwards. Maybe she should have abandoned the car; it might have been a little easier.

“Hey, Haru - I got it.”

“What?”

“I’ll take a look at the car.”

Kagome stood straight again as she heard the new voice. Why did it feel familiar? She leaned to the left, trying to catch sight of the new person, but all she could see was long black hair wrapped up in a messy bun.

“Where is she?”

“Sitting on the chair.”

They were talking about her. Was that her cue to get up? She heard the footsteps come her way and she rose to her feet. The strange came in view, standing tall in front of her. Unlike the other two, he did not look as dirty. He wore nothing more than a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, but both article of clothing were free of stains and holes. The only thing he had in common with the other guy from earlier was the way he was looking at her. His brown eyes were as opened wide as Hak’s. He was staring at her as though he was trying to find something on her face. She watched as his nose twitched, almost as if he was taking in her scent. And again, there was this awkwardness in the air.

“Ii-is this about my car?” she said, breaking the silence.

He cleared his throat. “Hm, yeah Hakka- Hak, brought it in. I’ll take a look at it.”

“Oh okay, great. Thank you. And sorry for the short notice. I kind of really need it to run again.”

He smirked and for a second, the feeling of familiarity washed over her again. “I’ll see what I can do.” He knew he had to stop staring at her but he simply could not stop himself from doing that.

“I feel bad that all of you work so late. Your boss must be a strict guy.”

He exchanged a look with the guy behind the corner before displaying a wide grin. “He is. He’s quite a hard ass actually. A real jerk.”

A flush crept across her cheeks before she grimaced. Crap. “You’re the boss aren’t you?”

He laughed. “I might be.”

Kagome covered her face with her hand, trying to hide away her embarrassment. “Let’s start over.” This was so typical of her. “I’m Kagome, and thank you for fixing my car.”

Suddenly, his face paled and his eyes grew even wider - if that were even possible. He took a step back as his whole body stiffened, his brown eyes still watching her form with an intensity that burned right through her. “No problem.” He turned his head, finally tearing his eyes away from her. “Haru, I’ll be outside.”

Kagome tilted her head to the left and pursed her lips; why was everyone being strange? It was like they had never seen a girl in their life before. She let her back hit the chair and closed her eyes. Maybe she was being weird. Maybe her tiredness was making her see things that were not happening. She was familiar to odd feelings; she had them all the time after getting locked back in her own time. She used to be slightly jumped and see mirages of things that could not be.

Eventually everything would fall back into place.

Right?

-W-

“But -“

“No.

“You said her name was -“

“I said no.”

“Come on, you have to admit that -“

“No.”

He did not know how else to spell it out for him. He was not going down that road - he had done that once and it had not ended well. He was older now, more logical and he certainely knew better than to chase after something that could not be.

“How do you know?”

“She was human, you moron. Ain’t no way she made it five hundred years.”

“Well - I mean.”

“Yeah, there you go you moron.”

“But her name - and I mean her face…”

“Maybe she’s just a reincarnation. What do ya want me to tell you?” He was not going to let this idea grow in his head - it was not her. Yes, he had been startled. Yes, she looked like her. Yes, she smelled like her. But she could not be her.

“I think it’s her.”

“Yeah, then whatcha gonna do?” Kouga challenged. “Walk up to her, ask her how she’s been during the last five hundred years? Good luck with that.”

The world was not what it used to be. Although he had long stopped feeding on humans and living that lifestyle, it did not mean that he trusted humans. He had trusted her - because she had shown him the difference. However, as the years past the world grew crueller and humans grew fearful of whatever they could not easily overpower. Their tactic against that had been to eradicate youkais. They had driven them away, burned them alive - whatever their little minds had been able to come up with at the time - and they had chased them away. Now, instead of living freely, they lived in hiding. One could not simply take a chance and reveal his identity. They had worked too hard, devoting their lives to becoming legends and myths. Things had to stay this way.

“I guess you’re right.”

“Damn right, I’m right. Now do your job.”

“Yes, boss.”

-W-

“Good news, bad news.”

Oh great.

“Good news is I can fix it.”

“And the bad news?”

“You won’t have it tonight.”

Well that was not so bad. She had almost expected it to be a lost cause… one day? It was not like she lived for her car. It was quite convenient and it allowed her to reach the shrine in a timely matter if needed - and it let her not bus to work. Good thing was, she did not work tomorrow.

“That’s fine.”

“Great, so if ya want, we’ll call ya tomorrow and you can pick it up.”

Now she would have her car and - wait. “How much is this gonna cost me?” Dear god, she almost forgot to ask the most important question. If the repairs were worth more than the car - there was no way she was going to do this.

He chuckled; took her long enough. “15,000 yen.”

…She could do that. Although it almost felt under priced? “Are you sure?”

This girl was something else. “Do ya want me to charge you more?”

She put her hands in front of her. “No. Too late, you set your price. I heard it. You can’t take it back!”

His laughter echoed through the room as he slightly tilted his head backwards. “Then 15,000 yen it is. Just leave your number at the front and we’ll call ya when it’s ready.”

“Perfect, thank you. This is a real life saver.”

He put his hands on his hips. “Hey, I ain’t the best mechanic in town for nothing.”

As he said it, she was unable to hold back her laughter. She held her stomach, bending herself in two as the sounds bubbled out of her chest. “S-sorry,” she said as her eyes filled with tears. “You just really reminded me of someone I knew…a long time ago” The eye color was wrong, but the cockiness was there.

Nope, it did not mean anything. “A cool guy I hope?”

Her laughter died down and transformed into a feeling of nostalgia. “You know, I wasn’t always sure, but in the end, yeah, he was.”

“I’ll take it as a compliment then.”

“You should. Anyways, thanks. I’ll leave my number at the front.”

“I’ll call ya.”

He flashed one last grin in her direction before she turned around and walked towards the counter. He watched her every movement, his brain spinning away as he refused to let unreal thoughts fill his mind. His brain was playing tricks on him; he had let her go many centuries ago, and he had never seen her again. He had seen many wild things during his many hundred of years on this planet, but a human who made it that long? He had yet to see that. It looked like her, but it could not be her. It smelled like her, but it could not be her.

But for one short moment - it was nice to wonder.

-W-

Beer.

Yes, this was the kind of nights that required a few beers. They would not do much for him, but it might take the edge off. He might have told the guys to fuck off about her, but it did not change the little voice in the back of his head. It could not possibly be her. It was not like it was a big deal if it were her. Last time he saw her, he had walked away from her, given her up to the mutt. It was not like it was his desired outcome but… what other choice did he have? Kagome wanted the mutt and Kouga had wanted her to be happy. The solution that had presented itself had been the only one… And he had done it. He had loved her enough to give her up.

Afterwards, he had - he had tried but nothing had come up. Before he had a chance to settle down the whole world had changed up and there was nothing left for him to do. He had salvaged what he could and he had tried to build a life for himself. Of course, it was not much of a life, but he had everything that he needed to make it through the next few centuries. Eventually, the world would change again and he would need to adapt again.

As he closed the shop’s door behind him, he refocused his gaze ahead of him. That was when he noticed her. She was sitting on the curb, her legs stretched out in front of her. Had she not left over thirty minutes ago? He dared to get close to her, hoping she would turn around. But she did not. “Ya alright?”

She nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of his voice. She brought a hand to her chest before turning around, nearly laying on the sidewalk, and looked at him. “Oh.” It was the mechanic. “Yes, I’m fine.”

“Okay.” He blinked. “Do - do you need us to call ya a cab?”

“I tried to do that,” she explained as she looked away from him. “But then, my cellphone died on me. Then I thought one might showed up… and I guess a lost track of time.” She was absolutely exhausted. The overtime working, the traveling, the beginning of school - it had taken a toll on her. Perhaps it was her ways in the feudal era, but apparently now she could fall asleep anywhere. The only problem was, somehow, this era was more dangerous than the feudal era. Humans turned out to be a lot scarier than youkais ever were.

“You can use the phone if ya want?” Somehow, her nearly falling asleep on the sidewalk only reminded him even more of her. Kagome had been quite trusting. Somehow, they had ended up friends sorta. Despite the fact that their relationship had started with him kidnapping her, it had turned out great.

“I probably should.” Great, now she looked like a crazy lady. Then again, this was not the first time that she had appeared to have lost her mind. Upon her full return from the feudal era, it had been difficult to explain all the holes in her stories and her disappearances. It had come with some bad lies and yes, she had gotten a few looks. She probably did not need anymore of that. Then again, that guy was a stranger. What did it matter?

Her scent tickled his nose and an unsettling feeling puddled in his guts. He should be letting her walk inside and he should resume his task at hand. But he was not. Instead, he let himself be filled with uncertainty. “I - I can give you a ride home if you need.” He had not just offered a fucking strange girl a ride home. He did not.

“I-hm.” She had no cellphone, she did not know him. She might have done dangerous things in the past, but she was not a complete moron. It would not be safe to get in the car with a stranger. “Well.”

“I ain’t some weird killer.” Which was probably something a killer would say… Why did he want to investigate this further? Had he not already agreed that it was not her? But she stood there, looking at him with shiny blue eyes and he did not know what to say. Did he think it was her or did he want it to be her? He never knew what happened to her… “I - here.” He shoved his hand in his pocket and pulled out his phone. “Ya can hold on to it. In case I turn crazy,” he said with a grin.

She probably should not but… why did she trust him? She reached out for his cellphone, wrapping her fingers around it. “S-sure.” She held it in her hand, and took a step forward in his direction.

“Follow me.”

Kagome walked behind him as he lead the way to his vehicule. It was not until they reached it that she realized she had pictured it much differently in her head. “A… a motorcycle?”

He turned around, flashing her a grin. “A motorcycle.” He picked up his black helmet from the seat of his motorcycle and turned around to offer it to her. “Wear this.”

Kagome reached out for it with her empty hand, bringing it close to her body. “What about you?” She might not know him but she did not want him to end up on the side of the road with a split skull.

“I’ll be fine.”

“No, you have to wear something.”

“I’ll be fine,” he repeated.

She nearly stomped her foot down as she stopped walking. “You have to wear a helmet. Motorcycles, bikes, it doesn’t matter.” She grimaced. “I haven’t always been the best example…” Why was she rambling to a stranger? “But, I wouldn’t bike through the forest again without a helmet! I don’t care if you think you’re mister big shot.”

Biking through the forest? A familiar flashback filled his mind. A bike… He should not asked. His heart was pounding, and he wanted it to be so real. He really should not, but it slipped his lips. “Does the name Naraku mean anything to do?”

Kagome stopped mid-stride as she wondered if she had gone deaf for a second. Her ears were playing tricks on her. She spread her fingers out in a fan against her breast bone while squeezing her eyes shut. No matter how many times she replayed it in her head, it sounded the same; Naraku. She dared to turn her head and look at him. He was standing in the same spot, his arms at his sides while he stared at her as though she held the answer to life. It could not be. But then - he looked like him. He had his name but - but, if she - based on everything she knew. And yet…

“K-kouga?” she stammered.

“One and only.”

He said it with confidence but it had taken every inch of his control to not let his voice shake. It was her. How could it be her? He had too many questions and not enough answers and he was not even sure as to where he should begin. He was foolishly attempting to put two lines together when suddenly the air was knocked out of his lungs. She had lunged at him, her arms wrapping themselves around his neck as she hugged him close to her chest. She was nothing but warmth as he let the effect of shock glide off of him. He never expected her to hug him but he was not about to remain a frozen statue. He lifted his own arms and wrapped them around her waist.

“I- How?” she asked as she pulled away from him.

“I feel like I should be the one asking you that.”

Right. He never knew about her and the bone eater well. God, she had gone and hugged him like they were the oldest friends in the world. She had seen him for the last time when he had finally let her go right before the final battle. “It’s a long story.”

“We got some coffee in the back?”

“Coffee sounds good.”

He led the way and she followed him.

It was strange to ponder upon all the twists of fate that had gotten her at this exact moment and exact location.

Life was strange.

-W-

Time traveling wells, modern high school girl fighting youkais. If it had not come from Kagome, he would not have believed it. But it was her. Her voice, her scent, her laughter. He never knew what happened to her. For the longest time, he had thought she had ended up with mutt face, but after seeing him all alone, he got a vague answer telling him Kagome was gone. And that was it. He remembered looking at every dark haired woman, turning his head at every pair of baby blue eyes, but it was never her. The centuries settled in, the world changed, and he stopped looking. Until, she literally walked back into his life. He could not believe it.

His hands were sliding over the handles of his motorcycle, sweat pouring from his palms as he revved his motorcycle. He was just about to turn the corner, ready to pick her up. Obviously, after a long night of talking, he had brought her home - and she had not given him any crap about his helmet this time. Now, he was on his way to pick her up. Him and the boys had spent the whole night fixing her car, and it was ready for her. Obviously, he would have liked to hold on to an excuse to see her again, but this was Kagome. He was not about to make her wait around for her car. Whatever she needed, she would get immediately. He knew it had been a long time, but the sight of her alone was enough to bring a lot of memories rushing back, memories he thought he had long buried away.

As he got closed to the address she had given him the night before, he saw her sitting on the curb, her hands wrapped around her legs. He slowed down, not wanting to spook her, and pulled out to the side. “Morning.”

She flashed him a smile. “Morning.” They talked for hours but she could still not believe it. He had made it through the centuries, which apparently was quite difficult to do. Inuyasha per example, had not made it, but it was not like she had expected him to live that long. If he was still alive in this time, he would have come to see her; he knew where she lived. He had not come to her, which had led her to the truth. It was okay. Years had gone by, she knew it. It was okay. And some people were still alive.

He turned around and retrieved the second helmet he had gotten. “Here you go. Two helmets,” he said with a grin.

“Ah, ah,” she said as she took it from him. Yesterday she ended up with quite a head of hair, but at least she had been heading home. Now, she was not going to have the same luxury. Regardless, she put the helmet on and then stared at the motorcycle. Now, how was she going to get on that thing? Last night, he had offered her his hand and now she was not sure if she was tall enough to hop on.

Kouga’s laughter filled the place. “Hold on,” he said as he safely secured the motorcycle before hopping off. He walked around and without skipping a beat, he put his large hands on her hips and effortlessly lifted her from the ground and put her down on the seat.

She had not been lifted up and dragged around in a few years now, and a feeling of familiarity warmed her chest. “Thanks,” she managed to say.

“Anything for my woman,” he said with a wink before hopping on himself.

She let a chuckle slip her as she wrapped her arms around him for safety, much like she had done the night before. Her face was pressed into his leather jacket, feeling warmth spread to her cheeks. She did not know why she expected him to call her anything but that. Although that nickname had brought her some annoyance in the past, she was actually quite happy to hear it. It felt familiar and it brought her back to her time in the feudal era.

“Ready?”

“Yep!” Ready to head to her death? Yes, she was. Then again, it was Kouga. If there was one thing she could be sure of was that he would not let anything happen to her. If he said it was safe, it was safe. She closed her eyes, and kept her face pressed into his leather jacket.

“Let’s go.”

-W-

“Guys, I don’t think I can eat any more than this,” Kagome said as she leaned back into the chair. They had surprised her with quite a breakfast; bagels, croissants, fruits, meats… But despite the insane amount of food left, she could not possibly swallow one more bite.

“Come on, we never have this much food,” Ginta said as he popped in a grape in his mouth.

“Yeah, Kouga is usually a cheap-o, but for you, we are getting luxury.”

Kouga’s eyes narrowed as he stared at the guys. “Yeah, because you too keep mooching off of me.”

“Now, now, is that alpha talk?”

“I’m very disappointed.”

Kouga rolled his eyes before grabbing a bagel and tossing it at Ginta’s face. “Just finish the food.”

Kagome could not help but laugh; five hundred years later, and things had not changed with them and somehow it made her feel much better. Kouga had always been a little intense, and though she did not always appreciate it, she thought it was one of his good qualities. He adored his pack, and he took care of them. He was a good alpha, and throughout the years it seemed that he had never faltered or let them down.

“See, sis thinks we’re funny.”

“I’m still sis?”

Kouga stared at her with a quirked eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t you be?”

“It’s been a long time,” she pointed out. It was recent for her but - they should have forgotten about her by now.

“Pack is for life.”

“But - I didn’t -“

“I don’t wanna hear it.”

“But -“

“Alright, that’s it.” He hoped in a standing position from his chair, and he walked in her direction. She glued her back to her chair, uncertain of what he was going to do next. That did not stop him as he snaked a single arm around her waist, and lifted her as though she weighted nothing. He held her up against his side and began dragging her away. She began waving her arms and legs around, wondering where in the world he was taking her. To silence her, he began slowly flipping her, her head aiming towards the ground. “Shoulda stopped.”

Wait. Where was he taking her?

She tried to tilt her head to see where they were heading. It looked like they were in the main repair room. Oh oh. They closed in closer to a blue bin, and did not know if she should feel relaxed or fear for her life. It was not until he lifted her up, allowing her to see the barrel of water that she began to panic. She summoned an insane amount of force out of her tiny body and began to wriggle herself free. Her motions took him by surprise, allowing her to get somewhat of an upper hand. Kagome wrapped her arms around his neck, her legs still prisoners of his tight grip.

“Say it.”

“What?!”

He began slowly lowering her, the water getting closer and closer to her rear as he used the new found position to get the upper hand. “You’re pack.”

“What?” Was he serious?

“I warned ya to stop.”

“Kouga…”

“Alright, have it the hard way,” he said as he tilted forward.

“ALRIGHT! I’M PACK! I’M PACK!”

He chortled as he left her hovering over for a second longer. “See, was that so hard?” he asked as he finally pulled her away and helped her in getting her feet on the ground.

Kagome’s eyes narrowed as she found back her balance. “No, it wasn’t.” She bend down, hoping to tilt the barrel forward and unto him. Unfortunately for her, she did not account for how heavy it was going to be. Despite using all of her strengths, it did not bulge. All it did was make Kouga laugh his heart out. Great. That did not go at all the way she had planned. She sighed heavily before giving up. This was not working at all.

“Is this what you were trying to do?” he asked as he grabbed the edge of the barrel, tilting it forward.

“Don’t you dare,” she warned.

“I’m terrified,” he said with a smirk.

“Kouga…”

“Mmm.”

And it happened, he tilted it forward, splashing her completely in water, soaking her to the bone. A huge gasp past her lips, her expression horrified as she met his eyes. “That’s it.”

Kouga laughed louder. “I think you forgot how fast I am,” he teased as he dashed forward.

She was going to zap him.

-W-

She blinked once, then twice.

Then she tilted her head to the side.

“Kouga, what is this?”

She had seen a lot of Kouga lately. It was strange to think that they had ended up in the situation. Three years ago, she would not have pictured herself hanging out with Kouga nearly every day. Then again, he was much different three years ago - or really five hundred years ago. He had grown into his qualities and toned down the a little more intense sides of himself. Also, she had grown as well. She had taken a lot of things and people for granted in the past, thinking everything was forever. She now knew that it was not the case. Kouga was a friend who had put his life on the line many times in the past and she was grateful for it all. Plus, it was actually nice. She was able to be herself, to not censor herself and she did not have to think about every word that came out of her mouth. How was she supposed to explain the gap in her life to others? But, with him - she got to talk about it all, the past, the present… And Ginta and Hakkaku were often with them, making it even nicer.

“It’s a car!” he finally said as he moved out of the way. He had fixed her car, and he had made sure it was damn well done. After all, his Kagome would be driving around with it and he did not want anything to happen to her. Still, he thought that she deserved a better car. He remembered the way she had been about money, and not spending too much. He guessed by her reaction that she could not afford a better car, but he could help her out with that.

“Kouga, you can’t give me a car.”

“What if I say it didn’t cost me nothin’?”

“Kouga…”

“Come on,” he said as he threw his head back. “I got it for free. Just cost me some time.” He had so many parts laying around that it had been no problem for him to whip up a little something for her. Actually, he had needed to do this for her. “Actually, I mean, you’re my woman. Who else is gonna take care of ya?”

She tilted her head forward. “I can take care of myself Kouga.”

He shrugged. “Oh I know that. I still remember that slap.”

She laughed.

“Look, I gotta lot of years to make up for. Alpha instincts. Let me do this for ya.” He let her go, he gave her up to Inuyasha because it was what she wanted. He did not think it was the best thing for her, but it was what she had wanted. Except, she had not end up with Inuyasha. She had not even stayed in the past. She had returned to her own time. And he was someone else, and she was someone else. Five hundred years did not change anything. He still wanted to protect her, and take care of her.

“Kouga… it’s a car.” He was insane. It was insane. She was not going to accept a car from him. She could not do that. “I can’t.”

“What can I do to make ya accept it?”

“Kouga…”

“Don’t make me dunk you in water again.”

“Don’t make me zap you again.”

He laughed. “Fair enough.”

“Kouga, we - I mean, it’s been a long time. I mean, I know you guys said I was pack.” She shuddered as she thought about how cold the water had been. “And I said it too. But, after all this time? This is crazy.”

“Alright, what if you work for me?”

“What?”

“Work for me, and when you feel like you’ve done enough, you stop and you take the car.” He did not like this deal. He wanted her to take the car, and accept it. But, it was Kagome. And she was a strong headed woman. He would not have her any other ways. It was the same qualities that had made him fall in love with her in the first place. He knew she never felt for him. He knew he had pursued her with no hope and he had given her up. But, but there was always something about her.

“Fine.”

It was insane but - at least he was not giving her something for free and she felt more at ease with the whole situation. Although she did not know the first thing about cars or mechanics, she could do this right? It was not like he was going to make her repair a car or change a tire. Although that would be a good skill to learn.

“Good,” he said with a smirk as he dropped the keys in her hand. “Now how about a drive?”

“Kouga…”

“A tiny drive. To see if you like it.”

He was still the same pushy Kouga he had always been. She sighed as she tilted her head backwards. “Five minutes, nothing more.”

“Nothing more,” he said as he raised up his hands.

“Let’s go wolf man.”

“Yes ma’am.”

-W-

“Alright, I need a food break.”

Kagome slammed her hands on her thighs before stretching out her legs. She was doing a movie marathon with the boys, and though there was nothing she enjoyed more than seeing them watch modern movies, she was starving to death. She was trying to alternate everything; school, work, social life. And some things were getting pushed aside. And a hungry Kagome was never a good Kagome. It was actually scary.

“I got it,” Kouga said as he hopped to his feet before she could even begin moving.

“Kouga, I got it.”

“I got it,” he said before disappearing from her view, not leaving her a chance to protest.

Kagome let her hands fall back to her side, desperation emitting from her body.

Ginta could not help the little chuckle that escape his chest. Kagome had never known pack Kouga. Sure, she had seen him when he would zoom around her, and try to swoon her but - it seemed she was forgetting the flowers, and the little attention. He was a pack leader. It was in him to take care of others. Also, Kagome used to have Inuyasha around her, taking care of her, and Kouga’s instincts knew that. But now? There was nobody. He knew she was by herself, on her own and although no one doubted Kagome’s survival skills and strength, Kouga had to help her. It was not something he could stop himself from doing.

“He means well,” he finally said.

“I can do things.”

“He knows that,” Hakkaku pitched in. “But he wants to take care of you.”

“I didn’t do that much for you guys.” She felt bad. She knew what it meant to be a pack. Well, she did not know what it meant for youkais but she knew what it meant for wolves. It was a loyal bond, and it was a family. Yes, she had saved a few of them from getting eaten, but that did not warrant them bringing her into their pack. She used to think that they did it because Kouga proclaimed her his woman. But now that she was here and they were here… And they were still trying to protect her and take care of her. Surely Kouga had not hung on to her for the last five hundred years. He was actually acting like she was a part of his pack. And she did not think she deserved it.

“You saved our lives.”

“I shot a few arrows.”

“Kouga had kidnapped you, proclaimed you his woman, you slapped him… and hm, most of the pack was using you for their own benefit. And yet, you still saved us. I think that counts as more than just shooting a few arrows.” He did not like the way she was putting herself down. Humans did not help youkais. But Kagome did not know them and she risked her own life for them. She could have escaped and she chose to stood her ground and fight for them. They were never going to forget that.

“I just… I don’t think it’s fair to you guys.”

“Trust me, Kouga is happy.”

“Yeah, the pack has been getting smaller and smaller. He likes having someone else to take care of and alpha.” Plus, it was Kagome. Ten years, a million years; she would always be Kagome. She turned their whole life around; they stopped eating humans because of her. She showed them another side of life. How did she not realize the huge impact she had on them, on Kouga?

“Humans don’t exactly do this.”

“But youkais do.”

“Plus, you’re not that human.”

“Alright, chips, popcorn, sodas, chocolate. What else?” Kouga said as he walked back in with his hands full. They were not the most equipped food wise. After all, they were a bunch of boys living above a garage and they did not exactly require the same kind of nutrients that she did.

“Any non diabetes food?” she asked with a laughter.

“I’m not familiar with that.”

“Ah, ah.”

He sat down beside her, the goodies still in his arms as he plopped down on the couch. He dropped them on his laps and opened one of the chocolate bars. As he was slowly chewing it, he could feel a part of eyes on him. He knew who they belonged to without needing to take a look. He smiled as he pulled the chocolate bar away before snapping it in half. Without even looking at her, he extended his arm her way, handing her the piece. What he did not expect was that she was going to use her mouth instead of her hand to retrieve it. He felt the pressure of her lips wrapping around it as she snatched it away from him, before leaning back into the couch.

He arched an eyebrow, still feeling even more pair of eyes on him now. It was Ginta and Hakkaku. They were watching him with sly smiles on their faces, which Kagome remained still unaware of for the moment - and he intended on keeping it that way. He warned them with his eyes before grabbing the remote.

“Ready for the next one?”

She nodded as she kept on chewing.

Kagome was sitting closed to him, her body touching his as she was carefully settled in. This was fine. He was fine. And he was going to strangle these two morons if they did not stop staring. It did not mean anything because Kagome did not know the first thing about packs and their dynamics.

It was nothing.

-W-

“I mean a skirt?”

“It was practical!”

“How was running around the feudal era in a skirt practical?” he asked with crossed arms. Sure, he had thought it was strange back then, but now that he actually knew what a school girl uniform was, it was scandalous. Also, he wondered how they ended up never getting flashed. She had been playing a risky game.

“School,” she weakly defended. “I never knew when I’d have a chance to go back and forth and it made it easier. And what was I supposed to wear? Some miko outfit?”

He shook his head. “That wouldn’t have been you.” Kagome needed to stand out - she was Kagome.

“There you go. Practical.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works.”

“I don’t see you coming up with a better argument.”

“Good point.” He laughed. “You know what, you should prove your point. Let’s get that skirt.” She smacked him across the chest loud enough for the sound to echo through the room. “You still hit hard,” he said as rubbed his chest.

“You deserved it.”

“I was just tryin’ help.”

“Such a kind soul.”

He winked at her. “Anything for you. I mean, I’m trying to defend your honor and praise your skills. Running around in a skirt? Props to you.”

“I’m surprised my clumsiness did not turn every walk into an embarrassing moment.” She was well known for her lack of coordination. Although it worked. And it set her apart from everybody else. Then again, hanging out with youkais and youkai slayer and monks already kind of did that on its own.

“I’m glad or I would have missed a show. I mean, a chance to rescue you from embarrassment.” He smirked, his lips stretching enough to show a hint of fang.

“Such a gentleman. What are you going to do next?” she asked with a shake of the head. “Kidnap me and woo me away?”

“I don’t think, I like my odds.”

“I don’t know, I think you might get slapped again.”

“Wanna bet?”

He did not give her a chance to reply or even react to the words he had just spoken. Instead, he decided to take advantage of the effect of surprise and swoon in. He should not do this, he knew this. And he was probably going to regret it, but he was unable to stop himself. She had issued a challenge and he was up to the part. He pressed his lips against hers, doing something he had wanted to do for five hundred years. Something he never thought he would get to do. He kissed his woman. His lips left a trail of warmth behind as he pulled away as quickly as he had come in. If it were not for the tingle in her stomach, she would have thought that she had hallucinated it. As she watched his tall figure retracted, she brought her hands to her lips, touching where he had kissed. This was Kouga - the Kouga she had turned down times and times again. The Kouga who did not know the signification of the word no. The Kouga who kidnapped her and tried to use her as a jewel detector for a while - although, he saw more to her than that. But it could not be. Could it? No. It was, the past, the memories - it was all of it wrapped up in a bow.

And yet, this feeling…

It was not as scary as she thought it would have been.

Though, she was most likely still going to slap him - even though he would enjoy it.

-W-

#secretsanga #kogkag #i am the worst #kogkag secret santa

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fiction-queen-blog · 6 years

Text

Konoha’s school of witchcraft and wizardry

A/N: For a specific Anon I decided to go through my drive to find this old story. Genre:Magical, thriller Additional information: Note that I just took element from Harry Potter and not all since I still wanted it to be different. Also I like using Naruto-verse things to just make it funny. Characters: Uchiha’s mostly...

Chapter 1

If eyeballs could drop from excitement, mine would have fallen by now. I can’t believe that I was in Konoha the school of magic…For wizards and witches. It is completely different from what I am used to. This surpasses the average high school. I looked around me, seeing all these people sitting in the dining hall.

Shizune…A teacher I got to know from the train, stood in front of us, holding a scroll. She called our names and I felt a knot in my stomach...I have to step forward…In front of all these people?

“Uchiha Izuna,” she read outloud. A boy next to me moved. He swung his body in an elegant way. I never seen regular people walk in such a beautiful way. His face…was flawless, his hair was tightly in a ponytail, and he was simply gorgeous. He closed his eyes, having a small smile on his face.

“Izuna eeeeh….You seem familiar….An Uchiha eeehh!!” The sorting head blurred out. I felt my heart skip a beat. This talking hat scared me.

“Of course you know me…I am Izuna,” form all the people who sat there, he was the first to actually talk. The hat blurred out the word “Slytherin ”. Shizune removed the hat.

Izuna stood up, bowing elegantly before moving towards the table where he got hugged by an older boy. I looked at them, feeling the knot getting worse…. I wanted to be like that…A house…Should be much like a family…I was kinda happy for him…That they all accepted him so kindly.

“Nightsky Sasuke.” I was the last one, I hoped the attention was gone, but it seemed worse. I took a deep breath, moving towards Shizune. I sat down, and she put the hat on There was a silence…And it felt forever to me….No…It was taking forever. Is this thing broken?

“I am not broken you fool!” He shouted out.

It made me apologize out loud, causing everyone to laugh. I bit the inside of my cheek…They were laughing at me…I was already making a fool out of myself…I wanted to make them pay…They shouldn’t be laughing!

“This is a hard one…” The sorting hat said….I just wanted him to blur out a house right now…I didn’t want to sit here and be watched by all these….Strangers.

“You are brave …I can tell...techniques …You know a lot of them….Kind…In heart…. And yet…You are the walking definition of revenge…” He said. “You …Can’t be sorted in any house…And yet you match all…” The hat remained quiet. “You are an ANBU”

I saw the teacher’s eyes widen…While the students looked confused…Could somebody explain this to me?

“ANBU, a wizard who can’t be sorted to a house…It was only a theory…It never happened before.” Shizune enlightened me. She removed the sorting hat.

“Can I just...choose one…” I muttered under my breath, but of course...Nobody heard me then.

OXOXOXOX

I just started school here, and I didn’t want the conclusion of the sorting hat to pull me down. Even in this world of magic…I belonged nowhere.

I grabbed my wand, taking a deep breath as I walked out of my lonely room. In the middle of some random hall….Of no House. Well, I am not complaining. A boy my age could use some privacy in the bedroom

I took one step outside and suddenly…This cloud appeared above me…pouring rain.

“What, the…fuck…”

I ran, but it followed me.

“Make it stop, make it stop!” I shouted. I slipped over a sponge and fell on the ground.

“Fuck!” I cursed, seeing someone walk past me, swinging his wand, causing the cloud to disappear.

“Basic spell, noob” the person said and just kept walking. Can’t they tell I am from the world where magic is not considered normal?

“The fuck…”

I got up, rubbing my lower back. It hurt already. I continued my way to class, but by my arrival everybody seemed to look up. They started to whisper to each other like I had something on my face.

“Nightsky”

Good...The teacher already knew my name...Good start.

“Next time if you want to follow my class, be on time”

Well...How could I argue against such strong statement.

Izuna suddenly stood up.

“Sensei, he is having a rough time…Please just spare him” Izuna said before sitting down. The teacher signed by his words,but then indicated to me to sit down.

My eyes were probably shining…He was such a kind person. I wanted to sit next to him, but before I could sit. The chair moved and I fell on the ground, to make it worse, I dropped all my books too.

Izuna laughed right at my face, “Though ANBU’s had a little Ravenclaw in them, you obviously don’t.” I narrowed my eyes

“Get up Nightsky.” The teacher said.

“I …I can’t…” I said, not able to get up from the ground…was I glued? Everyone started laughing as the teacher grabbed his wand and caused a spell. It caused me to fly up and hit the ceiling. I moaned in pain before falling on the table. The class couldn’t stop laughing and the teacher quickly put the wand away.

“oh dear…Should I get you to the nurse!”

“NO! NO! I AM FINE!” I screamed…I started to hate magic.

oxooxxo

I wasn’t sure why people hated me….Because I was ANBU? What did my house mattered? I thought I was part of every house….Why couldn’t’ the sorting hat just make a choice. I passed a few of my classmates. I didn’t lower my head…I didn’t want them to know that I feared their magic.

“Hey Nightsky!” I heard Izuna call. I turned my head, looking at him from the corner of my eye. “I am sorry about the lesson…Using a real wand is new to me..I want to push the chair for you. Ya know..bragging with my skills,” he said. “It failed…It must have hurt.”

“A little..” I said.

“But really…I don’t want to make you my enemy.” He leaned against the wall. “Besides…I wonder where you surnames originates from?” He asked.

“It was given to be because of my hair colour,” I said.

“Given to you…What do you mean?” Izuna asked.

“In the orphanage ” I said…I know I could just lie to him…I just…Couldn’t lie about unnecessary stuff.

“Orphanage…Wait your parents aren’t wizards?” He asked surprised.

“No-“

“He is a mudblood!” Another guy shouted and laughed.

“No wonder he is so filthy! He is a mudblood!” Another guy laughed. I frowned and pushed them away to pass them.

Pfff...Like I care what they call me.I don’t what the fuck a mudblood is.

Xoxoxox

We were standing outside on the Quidditch fields. With our brooms laying on the grass. I was looking at it, extracting my hand as I told the broom the get up. It wasn’t working…It wasn’t even moving a little…Izuna has already mastered it by the first call. I tried again…I was doubting the wizard in me…By now everyone had their brooms in their hands. I guess I could better pick it up.

The broom suddenly moved and I managed to catch it.

My mind went wild!

Wow…I did that? But I didn’t even call for it.

I looked around me, seeing everyone waiting for me. I turned my head to Izuna, who whispered something to the person next to him.

Guy-sensei was explaining how the broom worked, and how to balance your weight on it. He sat on it, and flew around before stopping in front of us. It was our turn now to get on it. I just put the broom between my legs. Not sure what to do, But then it suddenly flew away. I screamed from the sudden speed. I wasn’t controlling this, how was I supposed to control this?!

“Nightsky come back!”

“I can’t control it!” I screamed. “IT MOVES ON ITS OWN!”

The teacher got on his broom and followed me. My broom flew towards the building at high speed and pulled up last minute, causing the teacher that was trying to catch up to me to fly straight in the building. He fell and was knocked out on the ground.

I felt my heartbeat rise as the broom stopped in mid-air….If I fall…I would die . The broom started shaking, and knocked me off it. I held on to it for dear life, but I ended up hanging from it. I kicked my legs in the air.

“Hold on!” I heard someone shout from beneath. I could see some blue in his uniform…Probably a Ravenclaw.

“I.I am trying!” I said, he had his wand pointed at me…I guess he was keeping the broom from moving… I was wondering if it was my so called magical power that made it move…But my magic couldn’t be that strong that he needed to use his wand to stop me.

“Do you have him in place?” Another man ran towards this Ravenclaw guy. He was a Hufflepuff.

“Yeah…I keep the broom form moving,” he gave the other a small push.

“Alright sweety! Just let go, I catch you!” The other guy said. I looked down…And then looked at my tired hands, about to let go.

“You mad,bro?!” I shouted.

“I will catch you!”

“I will die!” I shouted.

“Don’t worry! Trust me!” He shouted.

“I trust you….I don’t trust your strength!”

“ARE YOU CALLING ME WEAK BRO!” He seemed slightly angry

“No….You know…I might look tiny from up here..But imagine this…Mass, falling with the acceleration speed of gravity. It going to be a lot of force. ”

“Dude how heavy could you possibly be!?” He lowered his arms.

“…Uhm…Well…I gained a little…”

“HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGHT!” The Ravenclaw guy and the hufflepuff guy shouted at me.

“…..About 50 kilos!” I shouted.

“FALL!” They shouted and I closed my eyes and let my hands go…I must have had so much bravery to let go…So much trust in the other to catch me. I felt the wind around me disappear, and I opened my eyes, seeing the wand creating anti-gravity field around me. He dropped his wand and I fell straight in his arms.

“Told you I am strong,” he winked playfully. I was panting as I saw my broom flying away on its own. I should have known it wasn’t my magic that made it move.

“Are you alright?” He asked me as I looked back at him.

“Yeah…Thank you,” I said as he gave me this kind smile. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, hold him tightly and just ….Show how scared I was, but I couldn’t not in front of Izuna…Not in front of those wizards. I got out of his hands, and he lost my balance, but regained it quickly.

“Shisui, help me bring sensei to the medics…He broke his leg-“ so that was his name…Shisui.

“Itachi, you can teleport…Oh…Alright…”I guess this Itachi wants Shisui to come with him. He waved a quick bye before telling the class they were dismissed. He then supported the teacher and this Itachi grabbed his shoulder and disappeared.

“Wow…Good wizard you are.” I saw Izuna showing his wand under his cloak. I wish I could pull out my wand…But they would laugh...Besides…I only knew two spells. Both were pretty useless...

“You could have killed him…The teacher,” I said.

“Are you even a wizard, I even had to call your broom for you.” This other slytherin guy said. “Aren’t you just a muggle.”

“I didn’t look for your approval....I am wizard...And I am something-blood…Who cares,” I clenched my fist, I had to hold my anger back… I had to walk away.

“Yah move it you useless muggle.” I stopped walking…I had enough of this bitch.

“Sorry… I didn’t understand…”

“I said you are a useless mugg-“ I punched him in the face and he hit the ground, his nose probably broke, I could hear it break.

“I might not be a good wizard, but I am not useless!” I hissed, I wiped the blood off my cloak as I walked away.

“What the fuck is even a muggle” I muttered.

I heard Izuna chuckle.

“This might get interesting,” I heard him say.

Oxoxoxoxoxoxo

“To light the candle you move your wand slightly up and say: katon.” The teacher illustrated it, creating a small flame that lit the candle. “Now it is your turn.”

I moved my wand, saying ‘katon’ but nothing happened.

“Wow, you can’t even make a fire. Can’t muggles make fire?” Izuna asked, his candle wasn’t lit…He sure had some self-confidence.

“Excuse me, can you do it better,” he didn’t grab his wand as he snapped his fingers, a small fire appeared that lit the candle. I looked impressed….Magic without wand…Was that even possible!

“Impressed?” He asked me, giving me this cocky smile…But I was looking at the way how he sat on the table…How could he look good in every single position. I tried again…And again….It wasn’t working.

“You embarrassed all the ...Non-wizard borns..in this school.”

“If you are here to just say that , then you better move that royal butt of yours!” I hissed.

“Such a big mouth, excuse me…But you should know your place.” Izuna jumped off the table.

“What, are you some kind of noble man?”

“Indeed I am.” He had this arrogant look that not only screamed he was better than me...But made it an actual fact.

“Well, go fuck yourself with that title.” What else was I supposed to say?

He moved his hair and walked around the table “Surely your parents abandoned you…Seeing you being this pathetic…Even I would have killed myself-“

“ENOUGH!” I shouted, not realizing I moved my wand in the progress. I didn’t mean for anything magical to happen, but the flame that was supposed to light the candle turned into a blue fire tornado. I heard Izuna scream and I moved back, falling on the ground. This force of fire I called a tornado disappear and the candle was lit with blue fire…Turning into a normal orange flame.

My eyes widened slightly…Was this my magic…Did my magic just do that? I heard some sobbing…I turned my head, seeing Izuna on his knees, pressing his hands against his body.

I got up…I hurt him…Did I hurt him?

“Izuna?!” I heard a few people shout, he moved his hand slowly and looked at the burn wounds…His flesh was visible and it was bleeding. It was gross.

“Oh dear!” The teacher rushed to him as Izuna cried in pain. I felt my heart skip a beat…I hurt him…I hurt him bad. I am in so much trouble.

“I am so sorry…” I said as I got up from the ground, but I was met with glares from his adoring classmates. Izuna got up and ran…He probably didn’t want to cry in front of everyone. It made me feel twice as bad.

“It…It was an accident…” I said, lowering my eyes. I walked out of the classroom…I had to apologize to him. A side of me didn’t want to. After everything he did to me… It was called karma, but on the other side…I didn’t want to sink to his level…But he started it, he deserved to suffer! But…I was better than this. I slowly opened the door, and peeked inside the nurse room. I saw Itachi standing there, while Izuna pressed his body to that of …A Gryffindor?

“It alright, Zuna…Zuna…Look at me..” He said, cupping Izuna ’s cheeks. “It is alright…”He said. Izuna slowly opened his hands, causing Itachi to frown slightly.

“It is going to be okay,right?!” The Gryffindor boy suddenly seemed panicked.

“Are you mocking me?” He didn’t look at the Gryffindor as he grabbed his wand. “Izuna, stop fighting back…I am not going to hurt you.” He said, grabbing Izuna’s wrist tightly as he made his wand move over the hand. He muttered something…I looked at his lips….A healing spell? I saw how the wounds closed themselves. The boy from Gryffindor wiped Izuna’s tears away and placed a kiss on his cheek. I moved the door a little more to get a better look at Itachi. He looked at me. I gasped and took a step back.

“Show yourself!” He demanded…His voice sounded so…strict. I took a step forward.

“He burned my hands, he should be killed!” Izuna exclaimed.

“Zuna…Shut up.” Itachi said, not even giving Izuna a look. Izuna frowned and hid his face in this Gryffindor’s chest.

“What made you even think it was alright to cause a spell like that in a classroom full with your peers” His voice was very strict…I could just tell he was a spoiled princess. I didn’t lower my eyes…Somehow…I came to apologize…And yet I didn’t want to.

I raised my head, and l glared at Izuna. Itachi got up.

“I am talking to you”

I raised my head to look in his eyes.

“I didn’t do it on purpose…It was an accident,” I said.

“lies! You pretended you couldn’t do the katon, so you could just make it look like an accident!”

“Izuna!” Itachi’s raised his voice slightly, causing Izuna to hide his head back in this boy’s chest. I took a deep breath.

“No…It was an accident, but guess what you stupid ass bitch I ain’t sorry for you sorry ass. I wished it burned your face so I didn’t have to look at it!” I hissed at him.

“Give me my wand I show you!” Izuna wanted to grab his wand, but this other guy pulled him back.

“Yeah take the wand away what the fuck do you have left, a stupid cry baby that is what you have left!” I shouted at him. I came here to apologize. I guess I made it worse.

“Enough, that will cost you 20 points-“ The guy from Gryffindor stopped mid sentence and looked confused.

“Obito…He has no house…He is an ANBU,” Itachi said. He looked at my chest…There was nothing there…I wore a plain black cloak…Because I was anbu…I had no house.

“I came down here to apologize…And I might have…If I was sorry…But I am not. You, Uchiha motherfucking Izuna…Are just a plain bitch… Picking on the weak to fill the gaps known as the truth…That you are simply nothing…In this world.” Izuna remained quiet, just glaring at me.

“You just sound like a big hypocrite to me” I heard Itachi say. I turned my head back to him.

“Excuse me sir but I didn’t recall asking for you opinion.”

“You basically used your magic, and burned his hands…You used your power to someone, who was basically unarmed and so weaker…So who is bullying the weak now?” He asked me. I remained quiet…My brain was hurting now.

“You were an ANBU right? Seems you don’t have Ravenclaw in you at all,” Itachi said. “What is it what you can do? Walk around cursing people and attack them from behind when it is in your favour? Sound like you are ANBU not because you are part of all the houses…Because you don’t belong to either of them, since no house is that pathetic.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose.” I said, clenching a fist. Itachi examined my body. “And who are you to judge me…Just a pretty face and a wand will not make you the queen around here-“

“Let me stop you there… You don’t have any idea who he is?” Obito asked.

“…Should I?”

“He is a mudblood!” Izuna said, causing Obito to frown at Izuna.

“Yes, I am a mudblood, so what!” I said.

“Izuna, we don’t use that word” Itachi said.

“Explains a lot…Let me help you out,” Obito grabbed his wand and a paper flew across the room.

“Most talented wizard in history….Uchiha Itachi sets yet another record….Wait wutt??” I looked at Itachi, and then back at the picture.

“Owh….You look so much more handsome in real life” I said.

“Get back to class, and don’t let me clean your mess again.”

“Yeah!” Izuna said.

“He just called you a mess!” I hissed at Izuna.

“Itachi-nii!” He seemed to realize it now.

“I had enough of you creating fires around this place.” I didn’t understand what he meant by his word, but he just looked at me…And I suddenly got pushed out of the room, the doors closing right in front of me. I frowned, feeling this hate boil in me…I wanted to kill him…No I wanted to defeat him in his own perfect game!

#fanfiction #Jk-rowling's harry-potter BASED #Sasuke #Uchiha's

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veryangryhedgehog · 6 years

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“The Personal History of Mr. Lucius Marcell

Part I: In which he acquires a New TA”

By Hedgehog

There is one sentence that nearly every child grows to loath. The utter hate and disgust behind the specific way these words are phrased becomes so engrained into the very soul that even years later, the mere mention can send shivers running full tilt down the spine. The phrase I am referring to is of course: “So, how was school today?”

See, it worked. Isn’t it funny how four tiny little words can leave such an impact? It may not even be what the sentence implies that causes the body to convulse with revolt: that remembrance of drab halls, graffiti-crusted bathrooms, and the feeling that absolutely no one wants to be there. Rather, I would argue that it is the prospect of actually answering the question at all. How is one supposed to respond? “Absolutely terrible. I’m bored, no one likes me, and I feel very much alone”? Clearly, the truth will not suffice. This merely invites further probing. No, there is only one way to field such a question. Observe.

“So, how was school?” Ms. Miller asked her children from across the rotisserie chicken that she had purchased from the supermarket earlier that evening. When no one responded—Mike taking a massive bite out of a leg to keep his mouth busy while Cindy looked down at her plate—she let out a small huff of indignation and glared at each of them in turn. “Cynthia?” She dug.

Said teenage daughter shrugged in response. “Fine,” she said.

“Just ‘fine’?” her mother asked. “Honey, it’s your first day of senior year, the best year of your life.”

“Sure. Whatever.” Cindy turned back to her food. The last time she’d given half a damn about school had been a full two years ago. Sophomore Cynthia had been a straight A, 4.0 student, a two-time runner up at state for track, and president of the student council. One nervous breakdown later, and here she was: a B average student with not a lot else to do. What had triggered such a breakdown of her essential personality? Stress mostly, but it didn’t really matter. The point was that she was over her delusions of grandeur and overall a much better person. At least she thought so.

Ms. Miller pouted once she realized that she was getting nothing else out of the older child, but quickly turned to her son instead. “Mike?” she asked. “How about you?”

Sure he would reply much the same way as she had, so that the interrogation could end and they could get on with their lives, Cindy turned her thoughts elsewhere. Needless to say, it took her a second to get over her brain fart when Mike said something completely unexpected.

“It was...” he began. “Kinda weird.”

Mike no! The inside of her head screamed. You were the chosen one! You’ve doomed us all!

Looking pleased, Ms. Miller proceeded with her questioning. “Weird?” she tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” he began, “it was all pretty normal, but then after lunch I had—” Mike paused for a split second, narrowing his eyes slightly as if he didn’t quite believe what he had seen. “I had history with that Marcell guy.”

If there had been one word to bring her out of her blue screen of death and into a whole other level of panic, it was that one. Cindy stared a hole into her brother, trying to telepathically yell at him to stop talking.

But it was much too late. “Cynthia,” her mother turned back to her, “didn’t you have Mr. Marcell when you were a sophomore?”

“Yes,” she sighed. “He’s a little... eccentric.”

Mike opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again just as quickly. It appeared he had come to the same conclusion as Cindy had two years ago. The thought had just taken a little longer to pierce his skull. It was simple really: if he told his mother about Marcell, she would never believe him. Not about the darkened room due to his “rare skin condition”, not about the unit on Atlantis, and least of all about his habit of yelling at the textbook whenever it disagreed with him.

Marcell had rarely been mean, and never creepy, but he was kind of a weirdo. Except you never came upon this revelation until after the fact. When you were in his classroom, you were the weirdo. At least, that’s what it had always felt like to Cindy, though that could have just been sophomore Cynthia’s appalling lack of self-esteem.

The rest of dinner passed quickly enough; the courtroom adjourned once Ms. Miller realized that neither of her children really wanted to talk about Marcell and his odd demeanor, and Cindy nearly forgot about the whole thing. She had essays to write, and more importantly, time to waste on the internet.

So, it was almost unexpected when she got the text from Mike the next day in the middle of sixth period: Might have left my lunchbox in Marcells. But hes really creepy. Will u plz get it for me? Ill do ur chores for a month!!! And this was the captain of the sophomore soccer team. What a little wuss. But the offer was tempting. She hated cleaning the toilet.

2 and uve got urself a deal, she typed back under the desk.

There was a long pause, and then the answer came. Fine. Thx!

Cindy groaned. She never imagined ever having to set foot in that classroom again. The space still seemed to exist on an entirely different plane of existence, one filled with AP tests and sore feet from hours of running, stress about grades and boys you didn’t really like. Yet far too soon, the final bell rang and she found herself making her way down that old, familiar hallway, procrastinating in any way she could.

And then, suddenly and without warning, she was at the door. It was ajar, and beyond it lay the soft blue of not-quite darkness. Peering inside, the classroom seemed empty, and Cindy’s eyes darted back and forth before landing on the red lunchbox that sat on the dirty tile floor, just beside the hard seat of a desk.

She darted in, intending to snatch the lunchbox and make a quick escape, but the instant her fingers brushed the handle of the lunchbox, she froze.

“That’s not yours, is it,” said a voice. It was not a question.

Firmly gripping the box, Cindy turned to find a figure sitting with his feet propped on the teacher’s desk, smirking. Ah yes, she’d nearly forgotten about his habit of appearing out of nowhere when you weren’t looking. This time, she was sure he hadn’t been there a second before.

“It’s my brother’s,” she attempted an innocent smile.

He didn’t seem to recognize her. It had been two years, after all, and she had changed a lot since then. “So he chickens out and makes you get it, huh? I didn’t think I was quite that terrifying.” He laughed, sitting up now. “Which one is he?”

“Mike Miller,” she sighed. “And I think he thought since I survived a whole year with you...”

Marcell frowned, eyebrows knitted closely as he held up a finger. “You took my class?” He asked. “Miller... Miller... wait!” He finally remembered, then shook his head. “No. Cynthia?” His brown, almost red eyes widened incredulously.

She nodded, embarrassed. “Though most people call me Cindy these days, if they bother to talk to me at all.”

“You’ve certainly changed.” He stood from the swivel chair and leaned against the front of the desk. “You cut your hair.”

“And that’s the first thing you notice?” she laughed, shaking her head.

“Of course,” he said. “You had the very distinct habit of flipping it to the side when you were about to start arguing with me.”

Cindy felt herself blush a little. She had been such a little bitch. “I probably wasn’t the most pleasant student.”

“On the contrary,” he countered, “it was certainly better than the silence I get from most kids. At least you kept me on my toes.”

“I just couldn’t believe you were teaching a whole unit on a city that doesn’t exist.”

“Ah,” he grinned, revealing sharp, white teeth. “Atlantis.”

“Which I will never forget was actually a city on the lost continent of Lemuria, thank you very much.”

Marcell crossed his arms over his chest. “Was it that strange?” He seemed bemused.

“It wasn’t strange, it was just...” she shook her head, “different. You were different.”

A moment of silence ensued, in which Marcell seemed to be considering something.

“Well,” Cindy shook herself. “I should get going.” She waved, turning to leave. “It was nice talking to—“

“Would you like to know why?” He asked suddenly, the final syllable seeming to float around the room. “Why I’m so... different, as you put it.” He added when she paused.

A second passed, then two. Then five. Cindy wasn’t really thinking about what she would say, it was just that she never expected the offer to just suddenly give up all the secrets that made him eccentric Mr. Marcell. She’d tried the whole year to figure out his deal, and now he was just going to tell her?

“Yes,” she said finally, definitely, turning back towards him.

“What if I told you I was two-thousand years old?” he asked, face completely straight. “Would you say I was crazy?”

She raised an eyebrow. “I’d say you were pulling my leg.”

“Then I don’t suppose it’d be any more plausible if I were a two-thousand year-old vampire.”

“Absolutely not.”

Marcell sighed, looking positively done. “I’m a two-thousand year-old vampire.”

“Uh huh.”

“I know most people think we’re only legends, and more recently, fictional teen heart-throbs.” He ran through the line as if he had rehearsed it many times. “But—“

“Don’t get me wrong.” Cindy interrupted, to which he looked surprised. “It’s not that I don’t believe vampires exist, I just find it hard to believe that my mild-mannered history teacher is a ‘creature of the night’.”

He blinked. “That was... not the response I was expecting.”

“Welcome to Ede Valley,” she chuckled, approaching the far window that somehow managed to be even more broken than when she’d last seen it. “Where we’re all just a little bit... strange.” On the last word she yanked the chain, which miraculously pulled up the shade just enough that the fading light from outside landed on Marcell’s face.

He seemed merely miffed as smoke began to rise from his nose and the tips of his ears.

Nodding, satisfied, Cindy shut the shade and strode back across the room, grabbing a loose chair and plopping it in front of Marcell’s desk. “Alright,” she said. “I believe you.”

“You know that could’ve killed me, right?” He attempted to frown, though the corners of his mouth twitched upwards.

She waved the question off. “You would have stopped me first.” Glancing back at him, Cindy put her chin in her hands and waited. They sat like that for a solid minute as the clock ticked quietly in the corner. “So, are you gonna tell me or what?” she asked finally.

“What?” He replied.

“How it happened, how you became a ‘Creature of the Night’” she gestured sarcastically. “Well you can’t just tell me you’re a vampire and then leave me hanging like that.”

Marcell looked a little surprised. “You really want me to tell you? It’s... a long story. Don’t you have student council or track or something?”

“Nah, I quit both of those a long time ago,” she shook her head. “I’ve got nowhere to be. So spill. Just who are you, Marcell?”

“Where to begin...?” Marcell sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

Cindy sat back. “How about at the beginning. That’s where stories usually start, right?”

“The beginning...” He nodded slowly. “Now that was a very long time ago.” He took another deep breath, and Cindy waiting patiently for him to begin,

“I was born in 67 BCE, in Britain. Of course, it was usually referred to as Albion back then.”

“Wait, wait,” Cindy interrupted. “67 BCE? You’re telling me you’re sixty-seven years older than Jesus.”

“Yes,” he said, a little impatiently. “Now do you want to hear or not?”

Cindy stuck her hands up in surrender, and Marcell continued.

“I lived in a small village near the coast, up on the top of a series of hills. My uncle was the Smith, at that time a highly secretive and valued trade, so my life was more comfortable than most. We had three rooms in our hovel.” He had to pause as Cindy chuckled.

“But anyway, my father, uncle, brother, and I all lived in a small house. Well I say house, it was more like a hut than anything. Thatch roof, walls that could blow over with a slight breeze, the works.”

“What about your mother?” Cindy asked.

Marcell smiled, though the expression didn’t quite reach his eyes. “She died shortly after my brother was born, which was a sadly common occurrence in those days.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He shook his head. “I don’t remember her. And there wasn’t really time to think about things like that. My brother was learning to be a Smith under my uncle, so it was up to my father and me to put food on the table. I remember the old woods, so filled with spirits and gods, the only sound the bending of my bow. Those were... carefree times.”

“And something tells me they didn’t last,” Cindy said.

Marcell nodded. “One morning, while my father and I were hunting near the beach, we heard something strange: voices. But they weren’t speaking in any tongue that we knew. Cautiously, we peered out from the trees to see a whole battalion of men with tan skin and golden, shining armor. ‘Who were they?’ We wondered. ‘Where had they come from?’ Then we saw their boats, though we weren’t sure if we could even call them that. They were enormous, towering over the men on the beach, more like dragons than vessels with which to tame the water. That was when we realized that they must have come from over the ocean.”

“Who were they?” Cindy asked, leaning forward.

“The Romans, of course. Didn’t you pay any attention in my class? The Romans invaded the southern tip of Britain in 55 BCE.”

Blinking, Cindy shook her head. “Oh, right. I remember. Sorry, it’s just hard to connect you and... 55 BCE. Anyway, keep going.”

“And then...” Marcell winced, as if he was watching a character in a book or a movie about to make a horrible mistake. “Just when we were about to turn around and get out of there, I stepped on a branch, the loudest branch in the world, it seemed. And the Romans heard. They turned towards the woods, looking for us. I remember my father gripping my shoulder so tightly, his eyes wide. These men were clearly warriors, with thick armor and sharp spears. We didn’t know what they would do if they found us.

“One of them called something to the trees in their strange language. At the time I thought he was probably asking if anyone was there. I thought we were safe. But a second later, another Roman called in response from directly behind me, and I felt a spear tip poking at my back. The Romans were in the woods as well.

“My father leaned over to me and whispered: ‘Run. Get back to the village, get your uncle.’ I paused, frozen in fear as the Roman began to prod us towards the beach. But my father had given me an order, you didn’t disobey your elders in those days. I nodded, just enough for him to see, and without warning the Roman, turned and streaked back through the trees.

“From behind me came shouting, and then the crash of an army running through the woods. I panicked a little then. They were following me. There was no way I could outrun full grown warriors. But I knew the forest far better than they did, and within a few minutes, I had reached the village.”

“Hold on,” Cindy interrupted. “I don’t mean to question your father, but isn’t it a terrible idea to lead your enemy back to your village?”

Marcell nodded, thinking for a second. “By modern, or even Roman standards, maybe, but you have to understand that back then, the people of Britain weren’t so much kingdoms or even cities as tribes. We hadn’t experienced the art of organized warfare before. Everyone over the age of ten knew how to wield a sword, so leading a raid of disorganized warriors back to your village meant you’d probably outnumber them and probably win. But we were not prepared for the Romans.

“As soon as the first huts appeared through the trees, I began to shout. ‘Help! Help! Uncle, anyone! There’s a raid!’

“Of course, as soon as they heard this, the people of the village, men, women, anyone who could fight began grabbing weapons. My uncle ran out of his workshop and grabbed me by the shoulders. ‘Who is it?’ He demanded, shaking me so much I could barely talk.

“‘I don’t know,’ I shouted over the growing confusion. ‘Strangers, from over the sea!’

“But I didn’t have time to say more, because by then the first of the Romans were emerging from the trees.”

“And you fought back, right?” Cindy asked.

Marcell nodded. “Of course we did. Killed a few, too. I remember hitting one of them, a boy who couldn’t have been much older than I was, square between the eyes with an arrow. The blood just poured down his face before his eyes crossed and he collapsed, almost on top of me. But...” He sighed, looking off to the far wall. “We were slaughtered.

“See, whenever we had warred with our neighbors, the battles had been relatively small, but uncontrolled. The easiest thing was to let the warriors go wild and rely on numbers to win. But the Romans had strategy, formations and the like. They didn’t act as a jumbled mess of warriors but as a single unit.

“Though we fought valiantly, once my uncle, our leader, was killed with a spear to the chest, it was all over. The Romans cut through almost all of us, I watched my brother die right in front of me, and I almost followed him. My bow had been broken in the confusion, and as my eyes were glued upon the still body of my brother, his killer raised a sword to kill me too. But then, another soldier, an older man with watery, blue eyes, put a hand on his shoulder and said something to him.

“I didn’t know the words, but they stuck with me until I eventually learned what they meant.”

Cindy raised an eyebrow in question.

“‘Nonne huic,’ he said. ‘Not this one.’”

“Not this one...” Cindy repeated under her breath, thinking. “Wait. Didn’t you tell us that the Romans enslaved the people they conquered? The one’s they didn’t kill, at least?”

Nodding, Marcell smiled. But he was not happy. “That is correct.”

“So this Roman man spared you because he thought you would make a good slave?” Cindy’s heart dropped a little as Marcell nodded again, and then a little more as he held up his arm, and Cindy could see a faint, red discolored line running around his wrist that she’d never noticed before. “Why you?” She asked, her voice suddenly very small. “What made you special?”

“I have an idea,” Marcell admitted. “But he never told me himself.

“More importantly,” he continued, “that was the first time I saw her.”

“Her?” Cindy frowned, confused.

“In the old Celtic tradition, there are many legends of the Morrigan, the goddess of death. She is said to appear on the greatest battlefields, driving men to madness with her laughter. And there, right as the Roman raised his sword to end my life, there she was, skin pale as death and cloak of crow feathers blowing in the breeze as she guided his hand. At least until the blue-eyed Roman stopped him. I blinked, and the Morrigan was gone. For years afterward, I thought I had been seeing things.”

“But you weren’t, were you?” Leaning forward, Cindy’s eyes narrowed. Part of her remained skeptical, but she of all people knew that there were strange things in this world.

Marcell tilted his head, surprised. “What makes you say that?”

“Because you wouldn’t have mentioned it otherwise.”

“Very astute.” He nodded. “I’ll come to that later.

“After the battle, almost everyone I knew and loved was dead. There were maybe four or five of us left, mostly young, the leftovers who for whatever reason hadn’t been killed outright. I think one of us fought, but I was so numb and confused that I don’t remember that much after that.

“The Romans dragged us back through the forest, all of us tied together by one long rope. But reaching the beach only numbed my head more when I saw my father lying in a bloody pile at the edge of the woods. I should have felt sad or angry but I just felt... nothing. None of it seemed real to me. I let the blue-eyed Roman guide me onto one of their huge boats and into the dark below with all the rowers.

"It wasn't until they actually started rowing that I realized what was happening. They were sailing away, back across the ocean, and were taking me with them. That was when I finally broke out of my trance and started screaming: ‘Stop! Turn the boat around! I want to go home!’ But of course no one could understand me. This was the first time the Romans had ever been to Britain, mind you.

“I started tugging at the pole that I was tied to once a few of the Romans came down to see what was happening. The blood dripped down my arms, but I was too focused on the Roman who carried a whip. He had a particularly cruel look in his eyes, and didn’t look afraid to use the rope in his hands. But once again, the blue-eyed Roman stopped him simply by putting up a hand.

“He approached me, saying a lot of words that didn’t make sense. ‘I want to go home,’ I cried, but he didn’t understand. ‘Please, let me go home.’ He just shook his head. Then his voice rumbled again, steady and low. I couldn’t tell what the words were but the tone quieted me.

“As I continued to cry he wrapped his arms around me. Of course, in any other circumstance this would have frightened me more. He was a complete stranger, after all. But I had just lost everything, and whether he be the cause or not, the tears kept coming and I didn’t back away.”

Cindy shook her head. “Man,” she said. “What was this guy’s deal?”

“You’ll see soon enough,” Marcell adjusted in his chair, and continued.

“The journey was many weeks, but it could have been forever for all I knew. The blue-eyed Roman often came down to see me, and eventually convinced the slaver, the one with the whip, to untie me from the pole so my wounds would heal. Gradually, as he talked, I began to pick up some of his words. Tempestas for storm, navis for boat. Tu for you and ego for I. Eventually, I learned that his name was Gaius Marcellus.”

“Wait,” Cindy interrupted. “Marcellus? But isn’t your name—?”

“I’ll get to that,” he intoned. “Don’t you have any sense of dramatic timing? Anyway, now I knew his name, but as soon as I told him mine, he just shook his head. From what I could grasp of what he was saying, my name was... well, bad. It wasn’t Roman. Non Romani est. I needed a new name. A Roman name.”

“So this guy took everything from you, and now he was taking your name too?” Cindy asked. “Weren’t you angry?”

Marcell thought for a second. “A little, I suppose. But keep in mind that I was unarmed, trapped in a small space with strangers who didn’t speak my language. I was far too scared to argue. This man could kill me if he wanted. So when he patted me on the head and said: ‘Your name is now Lucius,’ there wasn’t much I could do about it. It sounded a little like my name, I suppose. He got the ‘Lugh’ right at the very least. He and everyone else on the ship began to call me that, and eventually I started to respond to it.

“I can’t remember how long we were at sea, I think at one point or another I lost track of the days. But one day, I felt the ship stop. I had almost forgotten what it was like to not be jostled around by the waves at every moment. Though I felt fear rising in my throat as I wondered just what would great me outside of the ship, I almost didn’t have to time to be properly scared, for just then, the slave master came and began to parade us onto the deck.

“The air outside felt more thick and heavy than it should have been, and the light seemed almost... brighter, more stark than back home. I immediately hated it. The slave master began to force us done the gangplank and onto the dock below, but held out his stick when he got to me. ‘Not you,’ was what I think he said. ‘You with Marcellus.’”

“The blue-eyed Roman?” Cindy shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “He bought you?”

“Yes,” Marcell nodded. “Is something the matter?”

She shook her head. “It’s just... hard for me to imagine. Buying another human being, I mean, renaming him at your whim like some kind of pet. And you... you talk about it so casually, like it’s nothing.”

“In principle, I can see how appalling it would seem to you,” Marcell nodded slowly. “But in practice, being a slave in Rome was... very different from what you’re familiar with.”

“How so?”

“Some were treated cruelly, I suppose, those with harsh or uncaring masters, but for most a slave was almost... part of the family. It sounds strange, I know,” he laughed. “But we were provided room and board in exchange for work, allowed to have families, and routinely freed when we were too old to do the work we had been bought for.”

Cindy’s face still remained scrunched in confusion.

“I’m not trying to defend slavery. A slave is still a slave, after all. But in Rome, it often wasn’t the worst position to be in.”

“Okay,” she nodded slowly. “I think I understand. What happened then?”

"I waited a few minutes before Gaius came over. He placed a small bag of coins in the slaver’s hands and led me away. We plodded down the gangplank, landing on the bustling dock below. I stayed close to him. I’d never seen so many people in one place before. He kept a hand on my shoulder as he guided me into the strange city.

“We went in the opposite direction than the rest of the slaves, and I looked over my shoulder, wondering where they were going. Though if I was honest, I didn’t think I wanted to know.”

“So was this Rome?” Cindy asked.

“No, no,” Marcell waved her off. “Rome was about two hours inland, along the Tiber River. This was Ostia, a small port on the coast. It was a rather small town at the time, but for me it was massive. There were people everywhere, flooding the paved streets, and the buildings seemed to tower over me, like they were trying to close me in.”

“You’d never been to a town before,” Cindy realized, her eyes widening slightly.

Marcell nodded. “I almost froze up, but Gaius was... very understanding. He led me through the town quickly and to a wagon that was waiting for us. I did know what this was.” He smiled wryly. “Gaius pointed at me and then at the wagon and I obeyed, climbing into the back.

“The journey through the countryside was... hard, to say the least. It was the first vaguely familiar sight I had seen in weeks, the rolling hills and green trees were a little comforting, but I couldn’t help thinking that with every turn of the wheels I was getting further and further away from home. I didn’t cry, though I wanted to, and there was this twisting, knotted feeling in my gut that would not go away.

“Eventually the wagon came to a stop, and looking up, I saw an enormous house with farmland and several other buildings surrounding it. We had arrived at Gaius’ villa.”

“So you didn’t go to Rome at all, then?”

“No, not just then.” Marcell shook his head. “And that was probably for the best. Remember how I had reacted seeing a town as small as Ostia. There were at least half a million people in the city of Rome at that time. But anyway, Gaius was not a rich man by any means, but he did have a villa about a day’s distance from Rome that provided an income from the farm, and a townhouse in Rome itself for festivals and events.

“At first I was confused. The very concept of such a big house for only one person was something that I’d never really heard of. Gaius didn’t have to go hunt for his food, there was just masses of it stored in the kitchen, and there was no need to fear wolves or other predators, for there were none there anymore.

“However, I adjusted fairly quickly. I think it is... easier for children to accept new things for what they are than adults. Gaius taught me enough Latin to get by, and I picked up quite a bit more from the other slaves. Within a year I was almost fluent in Latin, in another I had completely mastered it.”

Cindy blinked. “Wow. That was fast.”

“It was by necessity.” Marcell shrugged. “That was the one common language everyone spoke at the villa, and I had always been good at remembering things. Later, I would learn that I have a particular skill for languages. Gaius must have been impressed, for I quickly became his... I guess ‘Personal Assistant’ is the best way to put it. If he needed a letter written, I transcribed his words. If he needed to remember something, I remembered it for him.”

“That must have been horrible,” Cindy said, shuddering a bit.

Marcell tilted his head, looking genuinely confused. “How so?”

“Well, you were taking direct orders from... uh, the man w-who destroyed your life,” Cindy frowned. “Didn’t that make you, like, angry?”

“Perhaps a little at first.” Marcell nodded slowly. “There were several times I thought about killing him; it’s probably what my family would have wanted. Revenge for their deaths. But, well... I wouldn’t say I loved the man, but I respected him.

“And I learned a lot about him. Gaius was a career soldier, finally just nearing the age of retirement. He’d had a family, a wife and son, but they had both died of plague when he had been on a campaign. Though he never really talked about it, I could tell that he missed them dearly. In that way I also learned possibly why he’d chosen me to save. One day, I found a drawing of his son, and—“

“Let me guess,” Cindy interrupted. “He looked just like you.”

Marcell laughed. “Not exactly, but yes, the resemblance was there. So you see why I couldn’t bring myself to just kill him. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I was quickly ‘Romanized’, as we call it today. I enjoyed the easy, new life I was living. Yes, there was a long period of time where I missed the peaceful forests and old hut with my family inside desperately, but I buried that quickly. I think the books helped a lot.”

“Books?”

“Yes, Gaius had a large library in his villa. Sure, we had had stories and legends back in Britannia, but we had never written anything down. So whenever I wasn’t assisting Gaius I was down in the library, reading whatever scrolls I could get my hands on. It was a wonderful distraction, but I think the act of learning also excited me to no end.

“And that was how it was for... oh, eight years. I read books, assisted Gaius, and even accompanied him to Rome several times. Eventually I began to feel more like some sort of weird nephew than a slave. The man was... kind to me.”

“But...” Cindy leaned forward.

The darkness of the room almost seemed to grow a little deeper as the smile shrunk from Marcell’s face. “But of course, nothing good lasts forever.” He nodded.

“I was about twenty when I met her for the second time.”

“The second—? Are you talking about—?” Cindy began.

“The Morrigan?” He asked as she shifted in her seat. “Gaius was sick. He was getting old—it was a small miracle for anyone to live much past sixty at that time—and the last year hadn’t been kind to him. He’d been ill on and off for that time, but had just recently taken a turn for the worst. I was outside, getting some air, when I caught sight of the crow-feathered cloak walking down the road towards me.”

Cindy smirked a little. “What, she wasn’t flying or cackling or anything?”

“No,” Marcell laughed. “Just walking. I remember being frozen in place, unable to even breathe. Don’t get me wrong,” he said. “I was not really scared of death, just simply in awe. She seemed so powerful, so alien, like she was something not of this earth. She was death, she held humanity’s life in her hands, and could snuff it out at any moment.

“She stopped a short distance away from me. I squinted, trying to get a view under the wide, dark hood. She said nothing, just stared back at me.

“‘You’ve come for Gaius, haven’t you?’ I asked, and the hood nodded slowly. ‘What happens if I stand in your way?’

“From under the hood came laughter. It was hard, and so cold I physically shivered. ‘I remember you, boy’ she whispered. Her voice was surprisingly smooth, steady. ‘You’ve evaded me once before. Do you think you could do it again?’

“‘I don’t know,’ was all I managed to get out, my throat constricted by the cold the Morrigan emanated.

“‘Come closer, boy,’ she held out a hand, and I began to walk towards her without meaning to. She finally let me stop about a foot away from her. Then she lowered the hood to look at me, and I flinched. She was beautiful, her skin a pale porcelain, her hair black as night and wild. But her eyes... they were clouded, dead. Like a blind woman, or a corpse.

“She chuckled as she saw my reaction. ‘Surprising,’ she said, her blue lips parting, ‘you haven’t even screamed yet. Think you’re brave?’

“I shook my head. From all of the stories I’d heard, it was never a good idea to brag to a goddess, especially the goddess of death.

“‘But you won’t step aside? You Britons are always so stubborn. Oh, but you’re not a Briton anymore, are you?’

“I looked away, down towards the dirt. What she said was true: I was not a Briton. I bore a Roman name and had a Roman master. But I myself didn’t feel like a Roman. I had never cared about the dictators and the wars and the politics. So what did I care about? This villa, and all of the books inside. Gaius, and all the slaves who worked for him. What would happen to them if he died? What would happen to me?

“‘No,’ I replied firmly. ‘I will not step aside.’

“Her expression was icy, the smile falling off her face. Keep in mind,” he added as he saw Cindy’s confused face, “that gods are not like you and I. They are ageless, all-powerful, and used to getting their way. You do not stand in their way. I probably wasn’t the first human to do so, but those that did were few and far between.

“I blinked, and suddenly her milky eyes were an inch away from mine. ‘Tell me, boy: do you fear death?’

“‘I don’t know,’ I stuttered, though I didn’t really consider the question. I tried not to think about those kinds of things.

“‘Good,’ she grinned. ‘Because now you’ll never truly know.’

“I began to back away slowly, away from the corpse goddess. ‘What do you mean?’

“‘You do know what happens when you cross the gods, yes? I could just kill you now, but that would be too anticlimactic for my tastes. So if you won’t let me take the life of your master, then I’ll make you do it for me.’”

“What?” Cindy blinked.

“That’s exactly what I said,” Marcell nodded grimly. “But I didn’t have time to do much of anything else besides, for it was at that moment that she stuck out a long, spindly finger, and touched my chest.

“Suddenly, I felt very cold, emanating from the place where she had touched me and spreading over my limbs like ice. I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, my world was filled with the laughter of Death. This was what dying felt like, I was sure of it.

“And then... my heart stopped. Literally. At some point I had fallen to the ground, and everything was still. I had to be dead. There was no other explanation. But then how was I still thinking? I felt nothing but cold. Then I opened my eyes, The Morrigan was gone, and I was alone outside the villa, laying on the hard, dirt ground. For a minute, I thought that maybe I had imagined the whole thing.

But as I felt my chest, I knew that that was just wishful thinking. You see, my heart was as still as... well, death. And the world looked different somehow, like there was a whole new spectrum of shadow that I hadn’t been able to see before. I felt frozen solid, and I grasped at the dirt desperately, trying to find something alive.

“But I stopped. There was something alive, something close. Something... warm. I couldn’t tell what it was, only that it was hot, and red like the sun and I needed it. Blindly, I crawled my way towards the thing, up the stairs and into the villa and...” He broke off and closed his eyes, almost as if he were in physical pain just thinking about it. But there was something else, too, something in the shape of his lips and the shortness of his breath. Cindy came rather abruptly to the realization that she was alone in a room with a predator. And she didn’t like that look that was creeping into his features.

“Mr. Marcell?” She asked finally, unpeeling her heart from the inside of her throat. “Did you... kill Gaius?”

He stared at her for a solid minute before answering, his pupils appearing more red than brown in the low light of the classroom. “I don’t know,” he said. “To this day I don’t know if it was the illness that got to him or...” his breath almost caught in his throat. “Or me.” He took a deep breath, shaking his head.

“These new ‘Teen angst novels,’” he rolled his eyes, “often picture my kind as slaves to our bloodlust. They make us lose control so that we aren’t wholly responsible for our actions. This is... not the reality. We are always in perfect control of ourselves and we know exactly what we’re doing. It’s simply that the hungrier you are, the less you care about artificial constructs like morals, the more you become like an intelligent animal.

“And the Morrigan had sapped all of that from my body. I raced through the villa, half man and half mist, and into Gaius’ sickroom. And there was the source of what had attracted me so. Gaius’ fever, his blood pumping so fiercely in an effort to keep him alive. Without thought, or hesitation, I tore the skin of his inner arm with my teeth and drank furiously.

“He hardly made a sound, just a soft whimper, and I barely noticed anyway. I could feel the coldness of my dead body being driven away by the blood, the life I was taking from him. That,” he sighed. “That was the point of no return.”

“What do you mean?” Cindy barely managed to squeak out.

“My... transformation, I guess you could say, didn’t really begin until I first tasted blood.”

“So if you could have, I guess, resisted, would you have—?” Cindy began, before Marcell cut her off.

“Have gone back to normal?” He asked. “I doubt it. My heart had ceased to beat. If I hadn’t taken the life of another, I probably would have just died. The gods are not kind, after all.”

He began to stare into the distance again, but Cindy couldn’t wait any longer. “And then what happened?”

“Then,” Marcell shook himself. “Then I stumbled backwards as the gravity of what I was doing returned to me. My vision began to swim as my whole body started to pound. I stumbled from the room and out of the villa.

“I don’t remember much after that, just pain, like I was being stabbed with a dull knife, but over my whole body. At one point I may have fallen asleep, but I’m not sure.

“It was the next morning when I finally came to my senses, laying in a pile of hay in the stables. I felt relatively normal again, but even before the thought formed, by the lingering taste of iron on my tongue I could tell that the events of the previous night had been entirely real, though I couldn’t remember all of the details.

“I was dizzy, and my mouth felt oddly sore and sensitive. I spit, and two of my teeth plopped into my hand. But as I ran my tongue over my teeth I found that I wasn’t missing any. I had grown new teeth in the middle of the night.” He opened his mouth, showing Cindy his oddly pointy canines.

“I licked the blood off of my chin and fingers, and hated myself. Nothing had ever tasted so divine before, and yet I was starting to remember the fact that this was a living person’s blood I was so enjoying. More than that, it was Gaius’ blood. This thought brought me back to my senses, and I stood abruptly before almost being brought down again by dizziness. But I had to see, had to know if I’d killed him.

“Except that the second I stepped into the sunlight outside of the stable my skin burned. I shrank away, back into the shadows, and watched in horror as blisters began to form on my forearms. Keep in mind,” he added, “that vampires were not as culturally engrained in Rome as they are today, so I had no idea what was happening to me. I paced back and forth though the stable, trying to figure out how to get back to the villa while avoiding the sunlight. I couldn’t make it across the field. If I tried, I would die.

“Then, a miracle happened: a cloud blotted out the sun. I didn’t think; I just ran. The residual light still made my bare skin tingle, but I made it under the roof of the villa without harm.”

“Hold on.” Cindy held up a hand, and Marcell blinked a few times, coming back to reality. “I have a question: just how much does sunlight affect you? I mean, I opened the shade earlier and you look fine now.”

“As far as I know, the sun is one of the only things that can kill me. But only direct sunlight can really do it. It still hurts if it’s through a window, but to a much lesser degree.”

“Or from behind clouds.” Cindy nodded. “Which you didn’t know at the time.”

“I made a very lucky guess,” he admitted. “But I wasn’t really thinking at the time. I ran to Gaius’ room, and almost bumped into one of the maids. My heart sank as I saw her expression. ‘Is he...?’ I began.

“‘Soon,’ she replied. ‘His time is coming, you should go to him.’

“‘Thank you,’ I nodded, entering the near silent room. I stood in the doorway for the longest time. Gaius almost looked small, like a child, in the bed, and so very pale. His arm had been bandaged, so I couldn’t tell just how much blood he’d really lost. Still, I couldn’t help but think that this was all my fault.”

“But it wasn’t. I mean, not really.” Cindy said, though the more she thought about it, the less sure she was.

Marcell simply laughed. “I’ve been wrestling with that question for two-thousand years.” He looked off towards the wall. “And I still haven’t come to a solid conclusion. I think I’ve made my peace with that. But at the time... well, I’m sure you can imagine.

“Gaius looked up at me after a minute, smiling weakly. ‘Lucius,’ he whispered. ‘Come here, my boy.’

“I obeyed, kneeling beside the bed and gripping his hand, and cried.

“‘No, no, child,’ he said. ‘Do not cry. All things have their time.’”

“Then he didn’t know what had happened,” Cindy asked.

“I’m not sure.” Marcell shook his head. “I didn’t really have time, or the courage, to ask. In fact, before I could say anything he beckoned me closer and placed a piece of parchment in my hand. ‘What’s this?’ I asked.

“‘Everything,’ he said. ‘My land, my library, it’s all yours now.’

“Of course I tried to protest, but he wouldn’t hear of it. And in the end, ‘thank you,’ was all I could say. I sat there with him until he finally stopped breathing, just as the sun was going down. In the course of one day my life had changed completely. Again. I was no longer Lucius the slave. Now, I was Lucius Marcellus the Roman.”

“He gave you everything?” Cindy asked. “But you were a slave!”

“And he was without an heir.” Marcell shrugged. “And anyway, I think I was the closest thing to family he’d had in a long time. Needless to say, I felt worse than death. I thought I had killed him, only for him to leave me all of his worldly possessions. I retreated to the library and didn’t come out for weeks, poured over the numerous scrolls for some way to cure my curse so that this never had to happen again.

“No one came near me, of which I was glad. I was so afraid of giving into my hunger and hurting someone. Eventually I became so desperate for sustenance that I tracked one of the rats in the walls and drained it dry. And thus was born Lucius Marcellus, the bane of rodents forever after.”

Cindy tilted her head, the corners of her mouth twitching upwards despite herself. “So, you don’t need human blood in particular.”

“No, any animal will do as a substitute, but that’s all it is, really. Nothing satisfies even remotely as much as human blood.

“Anyway,” he continued, shaking his head, “Gaius had collected writings from all corners of the empire and beyond, and it wasn’t long before I came across various legends of ‘the vampire,’ and found that there was no known cure beyond death. After that, I didn’t stay at the villa for long. It was hard to be in that place with its constant reminders of Gaius, and the slaves and neighbors were beginning to suspect that all was not right with me. I freed most of Gaius’ slaves, only leaving enough to keep the farm going, and left immediately.

“I decided to travel, learn all I could. I now had all of the time and money in the world, after all. So I did, for many years, which is a story all by itself, until I finally decided to settle down for a while in the city of Pompeii.”

Cindy’s eyes widened. “Pompeii? But isn’t that—?”

“—A story for another time.” Marcell finished for her.

“What?” She stood. “But you’ve barely scratched the surface. You’ve still got one-thousand, nine-hundred years to account for!”

“And it is already almost 6 o’clock,” Marcell motioned towards the window, its shade glowing around the edges from the setting sun. “I’m sure the janitors would like to get in here and go home.”

Cindy sighed, grabbing the long forgotten lunch bag. “You, my good sir, are a tease.”

“Tell you what,” he smiled crookedly, “I seem to suddenly find myself in need of a Teacher’s Assistant for seventh hour, to help me with paperwork and listen to me ramble. Could you swing it?”

“I have study hall then,” she grinned. “I’m completely free.”

“Then we’ll talk tomorrow and get the paperwork all filled out.”

“I’m holding you to that.” Cindy pointed a finger before making her way through the sea of desks towards the door. “Good night, Mr. Marcell.” She waved. “And... thank you.”

“For what?” He asked.

“I’ll tell you some other time.” She shook her head. “It’s a long story.”

#writing #ede valley #Lucius Marcell #Cindy Miller #Mike Miller

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hellsangelsheavensrejects · 4 years

Text

Present Day: Big Apple Disaster

John

"So, dead boyfriend no' tha' dead, huh?"

Wynonna

“Your powers of observation are amazing…Also he’s not my boyfriend. He’s…” Wynonna faltered. What the fuck was he to her now? “Harry.”

John

“Uh huh.”, he didn’t look convinced in the slightest. “Dat why he’s givin’ me the evil eye? Cause he isn’ your boyfriend?”

Wynonna

Why couldn’t a demon come out to fight right now? When I want them to? Assholes. “Could be he doesn’t feel like getting into a magical pissing contest.”

John

John grinned at her then, a wolfish show of teeth. “Well, I wouldn’ mind a thorough dick measurin’ with the bloke.”

Wynonna

She rolled her eyes again. “You might not but I doubt he’d be down for that. Considering he looked like he was ready to introduce your face to his fist.”

John

“Eh, I’m used to tha’.” John shrugged, leaning back comfortably. “So, you two aren’ an item right now, huh?”, the smile widened even further. “So we could find a nice, cozy spo’ an’ see ‘bou’ reviving dose bitemarks?”, he suggested with a wink.

It was easy. Easier than he’d thought. Flirting like this with Harry standing at his back. She made it easy. The memory of her body under his made it easy.

If he ignored the end of their little fling.

Wynonna

“We’re not anything.” Nothing that I can unpack right now. Wynonna watched Constantine and narrowed her eyes at him. Mostly because she was considering it. “What makes you think I want to?” She did. But damn if she was going to admit so to him.

Harry

“I am literally standing right here.” Arms crossed over his chest, Harry leveled his best death glare, but he couldn’t quite decide who to level it at.

John

His grin hadn’t faltered, but he could feel tension crawling into his shoulders. So he forced his posture to become even more comfortable, slouching down in his chair, knees falling open. “If you’re no’ anythin’, tall, dark an’ ‘andsome over here”, a small jerk of his head towards Harry the only indication he was even acknowledging the wizard’s presence “isn’ scratchin’ dat itch, now is ‘e?”, he looked her over, a slow crawl of a heavy-lidded, blue eyed gaze along her body. “’n I can tell you’re itchin’.”

Wynonna

She doesn’t look too upset to possibly be the focus of Harry’s glare, a mean part of her enjoying the fact that he was frustrated by this.

Of course Constantine’s words nearly make a shiver run down Wynonna’s spine because she remembers just how well he’d scratched that itch. For fuck’s sake. “I’m not…itching. And if I was…I could handle it myself.”

Harry

Harry couldn’t stop staring at Constantine. He felt a pressure in his head, building behind his eyes, and had the strangest sensation of having forgotten something important.

Something… very, very important.

His pulse fluttered. The room seemed to warp and swim around him. An image seared itself through his mind: he was shoving Constantine up against a wall and taking him in a rough, impassioned, furious kiss, tearing at his clothes, buttons popping loose and tumbling to the floor as he breathed in the scent of alcohol and cigarettes and–

Something dark and cold and furious and hungry threatened to break through the surface of Harry’s already frayed control, and he shivered. What the hell was this? Was it just jealousy? There had always been something about Wynonna that drove him right up to the edge and threatened to send him plummeting over, but hell’s freaking bells, jealousy as a rule didn’t tend to send random visions of homoerotic exploits exploding through his head. Schooling his breathing, he pushed strings of numbers and equations through his thoughts, steeling his will against the violent, salacious whims of the Winter Mantle. Wouldn’t do to start a fistfight in the middle of a bar.

Or… other things. Things that involved Constantine up against a wall while he–

Rein it in, cowboy.

All of this happened within the span of a handful of seconds, and it took another second or two for him to mentally catch up to the conversation at hand. A spike of irritation– also intimately familiar– flashed through him at Constantine’s taunts, and he let his eyes rest on the man, giving him a lazy grin. “I mean, sure. If you think you’re man enough for her.” A quick glance at Wynonna. “Sounds like she’d rather fly solo, though. Too bad.”

John

Finally, John turned his attention towards Harry. A lazy roll of his head until he was looking at the man almost sideways.

For a moment, he allowed himself to enjoy the view. Tall and rugged, shoulders for days and the kind of slim hips that he knew felt great pressed into John’s palms. The cheekbones John could still trace the angle of perfectly and those eyes that were too expressive for his own good. He’d filled out since they’d met the last time. Since John had left him sprawled in the bed they’d shared for over a year and a fucking half in Harry’s dingy little apartment, memory scrubbed almost entirely clean of all mentions of John Constantine.

Ouch.

“Well”, John began finally, forcing his attention to Harry’s face, the bridge of his nose, avoiding the dark eyes currently trying to nail him to the chair. (If only …) “to me i’ sounds like she isn’ all dat interested anymore in wha’ you go’ to offer, mate.” His fingers found his pack of Silk Cuts and his lighter on autopilot and he had one of the sticks shaken out and between his lips before he continued to speak. “Y’know.”, the click of his lighter and a flame lit his face from below. He was still keeping his eyes on Harry’s face and summoned whatever was left of his cruelty around those broken glass edges he’d cut into his own heard. “Af’er we shagged for two days straight.”

Wynonna

Wynonna huffed out a heavy sigh when Harry started to posture up. She didn’t need to look at him for long to know that he was already getting riled up. Because of course he is. “Harry there’s not any need to start that shit.”

A quick but powerful wave of shame crashed over her at Constantine’s announcement. Less to do with the fact that they had, in fact, screwed for two days straight and more with the fact that she had enjoyed every damn moment of that two days. “Constantine…Don’t.”

Because in those moments she didn’t feel like a walking wound or cautionary tale. She was just…Wynonna. Not something that happened often.

Harry

Two days straight.

Harry’s imagination– the damned thing– treated him to an image of Wynonna and Constantine surging together in a tangle of limbs, sweat, heat, and sex. Something primal and furious growled inside him.

Mine.

He wasn’t sure which of the lovers he was even referring to.

That rampaging imagination of his wasn’t done. Continuing on its very confusing course of action, it treated him to a vivid mental image of himself– joining Wynonna and Constantine. Hearts racing, breath hot on sweat-slick skin, hands tracing the curve of breasts and hips, fingers tangled in blond hair and dragging back Constantine’s head as he closed his mouth over the other man’s throat, pressing relentlessly into the other’s surrender, pushing, pushing, pushing–

Something snapped within him.

Before he knew what he was doing, he had covered the distance to Constantine’s chair in two long strides, taken hold of the lapels of his coat, dragged him up, and slammed him into a wall. The edges of his vision bled scarlet as he leaned in close and whispered in the other man’s ear.

“Say that again.”

John

The bite of his coat where it cut into his flesh as he was hauled upwards and the bang of his shin against the chair made something hot and sweet surge in his chest. A familiar heat flooded him at the unbidden memory it conjured up. Harry’s hands on him, rough and a little unsteady, but what he lacked in experience, he sure as bloody Hell had made up in enthusiasm. John remembered with vivid clarity, the feeling of those hands on his skin and he reached for Harry’s wrists, half wanting to pull him closer, half wanting to pull him off. There was a frantic birdwing flutter under his fingertips that he wasn’t sure if it was his pulse or Harry’s.

When his back hit the wall, he could taste the adrenaline at the back of his throat and a part of him fought the urge to pull himself up by those sturdy shoulders and wrap his legs around those slim hips …

Get it together, Constantine! Gotta keep him away from what’s left of you in his head.

Does tha’ ever work for you, Dresden?”, John teased between clenched teeth, but he was reaching out for magic, calling it to his hands until the atoms between their skin seemed to vibrate with the power of it. “I mean, i’ does kinda work for me, bu’ to answer your li’le request: We shagged for two days straight. And I’m pre’y sure there’s an older couple an’ some of the ‘otel staff tha’ can attest tha’ we both liked it.”

Wynonna

Wynonna didn’t quite leap toward the two men but she did move with a slight sense of urgency, not missing the slow but steady advance of frost at the bar.

“Shit, shit, shit.” The curse came out as a hiss. Where she was surging forward, a number of patrons were going the opposite way.

She had to dodge a few more people before she got to them. A shudder ran down her back. Harry had John up against a wall–literally–and John looked like he was ready to continue goading him.

“Say that again.”

“…And I’m pre’y sure there’s an older couple an’ some of the ‘otel staff tha’ can attest tha’ we both liked it.”

SHIT SHIT SHIT.

“Hey. Macho off. Not the place.”

Even if both of them look…ANYWAY, EARP.

Harry

Wynonna’s words didn’t even register. Harry snarled as he gave Constantine another shove against the wall, gripping the other man’s coat lapels with both hands. A thin layer of frost was creeping over the walls, the floor, the nearby bar counter.

Harry leaned closer, his heart speeding up as the energy of the man’s fear, excitement, and gathering magic seeped into his senses, a shivering wave that rolled through his hands, up his arms, and over his whole body. It was intoxicating.

“Keep pushing, mate,” he growled, the last word spoken with a terrible attempt at a Scouse lilt. “See what happens.”

John

The shove rattled his teeth, but John grinned up at Harry anyway. The expression razor edged and only a breath apart from baring his teeth. Despite the screaming warning in his head, he tilted his chin until there was less space between their noses than even a decent man’s shot of whisky.

Wynonna’s voice might have sobered him up under any other circumstances, but like this, when his body was humming with magic and danger and Harry, there was no way he’d back up now. Not when he was feeling so alive!

“That”, John enunciated carefully, sharply. “Is kinda the point, innit, Dresden? C’mon, show me whatcha go’.”

Wynonna

Okay. So that did exactly jack shit.

If she’d gotten to the wall even seconds earlier, she could have possibly yelled them out of this macho cockfight without little issue. Now, with the two of them as close as they were, she got the feeling that to try and do so might be a bad idea.

Since when have I let bad ideas stop me?

The question came to her followed by her gaze being stuck on Harry and Constantine.

…God I shouldn’t find this so appealing.

With no way to really get in between the two to disengage them, Wynonna huffed a growl and lifted a hand to yank on Harry’s hair in an attempt to at least distract him.

Harry

Somewhere in the back of his head, a little voice cautioned him that he was perilously close to losing all control. That control over himself was all he had now, the only thing that kept his ownership over himself intact.

The only thing that was preventing him from turning into a monster.

Another, more insistent voice wanted him to lean down, crush his mouth against Constantine’s, and show him exactly what it was he had. To show him unmistakably who was in charge around here– In full, aggressive, sensuous, reckless technicolor.

If he’d had the presence of mind to think about it, he would have been mighty confused about his sexuality right about now. And about… other things.

Like why the sensation of wanting him, needing him was so damned familiar.

As it was, he hesitated, still leaning his weight against Constantine, his face close enough to the other man’s that he could feel the warmth of his breath, could catch the scent of tobacco smoke and alcohol. His own breath huffed with a curl of steam in the now-freezing room.

For an instant, his resolve crumbled, and he found himself dropping his head to cover the remaining space between their faces–

–and then his head was being yanked back.

Releasing his grip on Constantine, he whirled, breaking free of the grip, not registering the pain of hair tearing from his scalp. His lips peeled back in a snarl, and he lunged for whomever had grabbed him, cold power surging through his hands as ice formed claws around the tips of his fingers.

Wynonna flashed through his vision as he moved. He nearly didn’t recognize her, but he jerked to the side just in time, avoiding her with those claws.

“Fucking hell, Wynonna!” he roared, half blind with rage and a new, heart-shattering weight of fear. If he had hurt her… “Don’t do that!”

John

Harry was radiating cold. A stark contrast to the heat in John’s own core. Fire and ice.

Now there’s a nice idea, old boy.

…

God, you’re fucked up.

Whatever remained of his his rationality was very, very aware of the weirdness of that cold, but the part of him that remembered this, remembered Harry, overruled that part’s complaints that maybe, just maybe, he should not be quite this interested because of it.

And then Harry shifted. Head tilted until they were close enough to feel that magical electricity right under their skin. That pathetic need in John sighed into that almost kiss …

Until he nearly lost his balance, being free of Harry’s solid weight holding him against the wall and the sudden lack of that icy cold was more sobering that the presence of it could ever have been.

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck. What the fuck had he been thinking.

I tell you what, Johnny-boy: You weren’t thinking at all. Not with your head at least. “Hey, hey, hey!”, John scrambled those two short steps towards the pair opposite and he was tangentally aware that most of the bar had emptied out, not wanting to get caught up in the expected fight or the inevitable police action afterwards.

A tall fellow with the buzz cut of a military grunt was still lingering around and now that Harry had rounded on the lady in their little triangle, the bloke had notions of being a hero. Of going after Harry for his apparent assault on Wynonna.

Shit.

John reached for the magic and threw out his hand to the wanna-be-white-knight. “You go’ somewhere else ta be, kid.”, he muttered between clenched teeth, around the lump in his throat, throwing intent into the words and he could feel his will enter the man’s mind, twisting his thoughts until he turned wordlessly and left.

“Hey, Dresden!”, the glittering ice sent a shiver down his spine. That wasn’t the kind of magic Harry had been capable of before. Fuck, John didn’t even have an idea of how to do that, in his state, so … naturally. Still, John brought himself in between them, as much as the narrow space allowed. “C’mon, Dresden, your problem’s with me, yeah?”

The sight of Harry rounding on Wynonna had been a sobering bucket of water over his head. Bringing with it the realisation of how absolutely, colossally stupid he had been.

Fucked up again, Constantine. Gonna get another one killed because you can’t shut the fuck up. Because of your stupid, desperate heart.

“I’ was all in good fun, yeah? No need to loose your shi’ a’er.”

Wynonna

Wynonna knew that if Harry hadn’t shifted at the last second like he did she would have been an Earpsicle at the very least. She stepped away from him, standing tall with her own anger blazing in her eyes.

“Yell at me like that when you’re playing with your ego again and you–”

Her admittedly half-empty threat was cut short by Constantine managing to slip in between them in an attempt to diffuse the volatile situation. She shot a glare toward him for good measure as she caught her breath and looked around. The bar was completely empty and partially frosted over.

Holy shitballs. When he told me about his new gig I didn’t think he would be channeling Elsa. Jesus Christ.

Wynonna’s gaze moves between the two men and her annoyance flared all over again. “Thanks for your help, John. But I’ve got this handled.”

Harry

The storm of feral lust and cold fury continued to buffet at his defenses, but he still had the presence of mind to see how John gave a push to the big, tough-looking guy who looked like he was about to get involved. Mind magic. Tampering with somebody’s thoughts against their will was one of the most horrific crimes imaginable.

(Or memories, something whispered to him)

It stoked his rage enough to nearly let it break through once again.

But he had nearly hurt Wynonna. True, he hadn’t known it was her when he had lashed out, but the point was that he had spun into the attack reflexively, without thought or awareness. The point was that he had turned the Mantle-fed, pent-force of his jealousy, pain, rage, and… other things… on Constantine.

(Lust, he told himself. That other thing was lust. It was desire. Need. Longing. Rage. Pain. Grief. A full-blown, ravenous, hot and hungry hard-on for another man, and you know full well it was being one hundred percent reciprocated. Something’s off about this– off like a three-week-old tuna sandwich left out in the sun– but you know it’s real. Own it. Own it, or the Mantle’s gonna own you.)

Bow howdy, did he have some deep-down soul-searching to do.

He dropped down into a crouch and lowered his hand to the tavern’s hardwood floor, grounding out the straining pressure of energy he had gathered. It was a good way to not have to actually look at Wynonna or Constantine, to see the expressions of disgust or anger or fear that must be on their faces now.

He stayed there for a minute, then stood, still looking at the floor, angled away from Wynonna and Constantine. “That was…” He tried to find the words. What could he possibly say to repair the damage he had just done? “I’m sorry. That was inexcusable.”

John

John released the burning breath he had been holding when Harry fell to his knees, closing his eyes for a second before he half-turned towards Wynonna, pulling himself physically away from wanting to reach out. “Didn’ look like either of us ‘ad dat handled, luv.”, he quipped, but his voice and face were tight.

With something like concern. Concern and guilt.

The kind of rage he’d seen in Harry, coupled with these new … powers? Something was going on and that something nagged at something unpleasant in John’s gut.

He’d barely felt Harry gather magic to conjure up the ice that was slowly dissipating around them. It hadn’t been a conscious effort, but something deeper, almost instinctual and even for someone like John … someone with his kind of connection to magic, that wasn’t something you just did. Even John Constantine, the Hellblazer, the Constant One, the … whatever the fuck other stupid nickname Heaven, Hell and Earth came up for him, even he couldn’t do magic on pure animal instinct alone.

The utter self loathing on Harry’s face solidified that dread in John’s belly. Oh, he knew that look. He’d seen it in the mirror too many times.

Something was going on. Something way beyond stolen memories. The smile John conjured to his face in what he thought was one of his greatest tricks this week, managed to be almost convincing. The cocky swagger to his shrug was only mildly inhibited by the stiffness still lingering between his shoulder blades.

Distance, old sport. Keep your distance. You did good with that for the last fifteen years, give or take a few.

“Eh…”, he huffed and then made a show of looking around for his cigarette that had been dropped when Harry had pulled him out of the chair. It was better than looking at Harry. At the pain on his face. Much better than face the guilt and pain in his own chest.His hands really needed something to do.

“Wha’ can I say? I drive people wild.”, John joked and bent to retrieve the little white stick. It had gone out, but was otherwise, miraculously, unharmed. He considered it, then the floor, then flicked the cigarette down again. “Sweet little trick there, Dresden.”, he continued, busying his shaking fingers with retrieving a fresh cigarette from it’s pack. “You learn dat to impress the ladies in bed?”

Wynonna

She ignored John’s comment, focusing instead on Harry. He still hadn’t looked at them. Either of them. It made the unease in her stomach start to slowly bloom. Guilt along with rage, in a way, had always been a factor in his reactions to things. A prime motivator. The guilt from this would be big. Maybe not as big as faking his death and having to–

Wynonna stopped that train of thought before it could fully take hold. Letting it run wild wouldn’t help any of them.

Of course John, being John, took the opportunity to seemingly refuel the fire as it was. At his comment, she turned to stare him down. “…Dude. Seriously?” Disaster had been narrowly avoided and now Constantine was what? Trying to bait him again. The urge to give him a right hook grew. “Maybe just don’t talk right now? That’d be a really great idea.”

She took a step toward Harry, a sigh escaping her. “This is part of why we’re not together.” It was said quietly and so Goddamned gently that she almost wished she could be cruel about it. “I’m sorry, Harry.”

#arc: Whiskey Gunpowder and Magic #Present Day #Post Cold Days #Big Apple Disaster #nowmakeyourpeace #thenewcastleincident #to be continued...#Discord RP archives

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fallynephemeron · 7 years

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Xave - whichever questions are interesting to him and he's comfortable to answer. :)

WARNING- some of these went far deeper than I expected. Some of these were a little triggering for Xave too. He answered the ones he felt he had an answer for, skipped the ones he thought were boring. Though honestly he’s got a LOT of sex stories, he just thinks they’re all boring, common and normal. They aren’t. Most of the rest he could easily answer if anyone’s curious.

But ... if you are squeamish about a victim talking about their experiences as a minor or a victim talking about really personal stuff- you should probably skip this. The sex dream one especially got downright gory.

Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself?

Xave: You’re kidding right? I honestly don’t even have a rough guess on how many people at this point.

Explain your ultimate fantasy.

Xave: So long as Wynter isn’t going to see this…. My ultimate fantasy is fucking until I don’t want to any more. That’s only happened a few times in my life, and only a couple times with Wyn. When we were first together, before he told me he couldn’t handle my … needs.

What are your turn-ons?

Xave: complete submission. During sex…. not like,… .all the time or anything. Being over stimulated and denied at the same time.

What are your turn-offs?

Xave: Pain. A little bit is fine, but i’ve known too many sadists.

What is the strangest thing you’ve ever been turned on by?

Xave: blood. you gotta talk to me in private if you want details.

Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website?

Xave: I haven’t. but there’s a lot out there. There’s illegal ones out there too and if you try to find them I hope you rot in hell.

Did it include sexual acts?

Xave: some do, yeah.

What was your latest sex dream about?

Xave: It was something really weird. It was a nightmare. I woke up…. like I used to… when I was a kid. drugged and covered in someone else’s cum. I was waiting for Bastard Bill to come get me…after, like he always did. And instead of him, it was Wyn, and he had his head..Bill’s head. ...just his head, dripping blood from the ragged skin where his head had been ripped off his neck...? and Wyn was crying and scooped me up and took me to his truck, and I fucked him in his truck. Which is weird. Wyn would NEVER. I mean, never. touch someone underage. Or… someone he didn’t know. And NO. that is NOT the blood that turned me on. God that’s disgusting.

Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone?

Xave: hah. Every guy I’ve ever met. I guess it’s just how I am.

What was the last fantasy about?

Xave: uggg. The checker in the grocery store…. doing it right there on the counter, conveyer belt thing? He was cute.

Have you ever told any of these people that you fantasize about them?

Xave: I used to… before me n Wyn got married.

Do you have a favorite person or few people to fantasize about?

Xave: I’d say Wynter. But that’s just… an effort in frustration, so I try to avoid it.

Are you open about your sex-life and sexuality?

Xave: Mostly.

Do you orgasm easily?

Xave: kinda? Sometimes. Which gets frustrating …

Have you ever played “7 minutes in heaven”? Explain the experience. Have you ever played “spin the bottle”? Explain the experience.

Xave: both of those happened in middle school at a party. No one knew I was into guys. And I was… pretty much…well, everyone thought I was horribly weird. It was humiliating. There were girls involved. It was awful.

Have you ever played “Truth or dare”? Explain the experience.

Xave: I can’t remember if I’ve ever played that one… but me and Eden did “never have I ever” once… it was……. eye opening. He’s so … pristine on the outside. No one has ever surprised me as much as he did playing that game. lol, I’d always wondered how he and Teo stay together. Now I know.

Do you shave your pubic hair?

Xave: no. but there’s not much there to begin with. God, it’s the only thing that separates me from still looking like a minor. I’d prefer to keep it - Thanks. And guys that prefer that….. just Eww. They all seem like child molestors to me.. but maybe that’s just cause of my fucked up life.

Have you ever had your pubic hair shaved?

Xave: yeah. by force. When I started getting “too old” …… Fucked up bastard.

Do you prefer clean shaven or unkept?

Xave: on other guys? Either/or… really. But damn Wyn is hot when he lets his beard grow out.

What is your favorite type of underwear for the opposite sex?

Xave: those snug boxer/briefs. I swear those are the best things ever invented. They are so good to look at.

Do you own any lingerie? How much lingerie do you own?

Xave: yes. SO much. No. there’s no pictures. well.... Wyn has a few ;)

Do you masturbate?

Xave: i have…. but no. It really doesn’t do anything for me but make me more frustrated. One orgasm, by myself, is NOT satisfying in any kind of way.

Are you able to achieve orgasm through only non-conventional or indirect methods? (Breast Play/Hands-Free/Anal)

Xave: yes. This is the best honestly. It’s exquisite. But who takes the time?

How many relationships have you been in?

Xave: like real actual relationships? not many. The first was Jordan… i don’t count Bill, then there was Teo, Tea, Knox, Wyn, then Nick… Mike…. and then Wynter again. I’m probably forgetting someone. But that’s 7 and that doesn’t count only hookups or anything casual without a discussion that we were serious.

What has been your longest relationship?

Xave: me n Wyn have been together for 2 years and this is it. We’re married, we have a baby. I’m done.

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship?

Xave: I cannot even fathom that working out for me.

Would you ever be in an open relationship? Have you?

Xave: if my partner was okay with it I would be. And I have been. It was cool. It worked pretty good for me. Wyn couldn’t handle that though. so… *shrug*

Do you watch porn?

Xave: yeah. sometimes. It makes Wyn blush and he’s adorable when he blushes. Sometimes I’ll put it on when he’s in the room… he wouldn’t admit it, but it gets him kinda steamed up…. only near a full moon though… it just makes him squeamish and self conscious and super uncomfortable other times. Not the effect I would want to have on him. Yes, I tend to have the lunar calendar memorized

Are you a virgin?How old were you when you lost your virginity?

Xave: lol that’s funny. I was like, 13.

Explain your first time in detail.

Xave: oh god. It was after Jordan was done with basketball practice. I met him in the locker room after everyone left. Asshole couldn’t let anyone know we were even friends, let alone… well anyway. We were making out, like always happened when we ended up alone together.. and things just kinda… progressed. It was just such a blur, we didn’t really mean for it to go that far, but it did. He topped. At the time I didn’t know I could… influence things, like I do. Then coach walked in. Worst possible timing. The sex itself wasn’t awful, but the aftermath of being found out was honestly horrible. Really horrible. I don’t hate him anymore, but sometimes I wonder if he’s still out there somewhere pretending to be straight. He’s like the weakest guy I’ve ever met.

How many sexual partners have you had?

Xave: Can’t even begin to guess. I guess we can do math. so like… i was 14 when I met Bill. and 20 when Wyn and I got exclusive, so if we say conservatively one a day nearly every day for seven years. There were lots of days there was more than that, and lots of days it was just the same one… so…. it probably evens out. then that’s like… um… 7 years times 365? right? I’m not good at math. Fuck. Like 2500 or something. Fucking hell- that’s way more than I would have thought it was.

Who was your best sex partner?

Xave: if we’re talking just sex and nothing else…. probably Mike. Fuck, that guy could read me like a book. One word. Edging. I mean he was really great guy with everything else too, relationship wise, not sayin he wasn’t. He was really pretty perfect. Just... I was already in love with Wyn at the time and no one else could really compete. :/ I think about him a lot sometimes. He was a sweetheart, but when someone really truly has your heart, it doesn’t matter how perfect the competition is, does it?

Did you tell someone after you lost your virginity? Who?

Xave: who the fuck would I tell? Jordan was literally the only person that would even talk to me at all … and we didn’t talk. Ever.

Do you give oral sex?Have you received oral sex?Do you prefer to give or receive oral sex?

Xave: I have, on both. and prefer neither. I’m not a fan. Doing it sometimes brings back too many crappy flashbacks that make me want to puke, and having it done is just…awkward. It has to be just right, and the person doing it, or asking for me to do it, has to be REALLY dominant in the exact right way AND really connected to me, or it’s too much for me. SO.. make of that what you will.

Have you wanted to have sex with someone, but couldn’t? Why couldn’t you?

Xave: my husband. All the freakin time. He’s asexual like more than 3/4 of the time. I know, I know. How the hell did the whore slut that can’t get off by masterbating end up with the sex repulsed asexual? Fuck the hell if I know.

Do you like being called obscene names? (Bitch/Slut/Whore/Sissy/etc)

Xave: Playfully? yeah, you could get away with it, it won’t trigger me, i might even enjoy it. But you sound even a little bit like you mean it ? and you get off on that? nope. Congratulations you just triggered me in a big way and now I’m in the middle of a panic attack, or disassociating and sex is OVER.

Have you ever invented a position?

Xave: lol, probably.

Have you ever broken up with someone because they couldn’t satisfy you?

Xave: Fuck. I forgot to put him on the list of relationships. But yeah. He was scared of sex. Terrified of being gay, fundamentalist christian. He wouldn’t let me touch him. I didn’t know what I was back then, how any of anything worked with my sexuality, you know, being I guess half fae and all that. And I guess I was kind of an ass, and impatient. I was trying to be monogamous with him. .. that was when I met Teo. Teo relieved the frustration. I didn’t do it the right way, i know i was young, and just coming out of the awfulness that I’d been in with Bill, but it’s no excuse for how I treated him.

Have you ever been stopped mid-sex? Describe the experience

Xave: Before Wyn figured out he’s asexual, he’d push himself SO hard. Make himself do things he wasn’t comfortable with. Then he’d have a panic attack and we’d have to stop. Almost. Every. Single. Time. Stopping in the middle fucking sucks. But he’s SO much more important to me than a stupid lost orgasm.

Is it gay for a man to enjoy anal stimulation from a woman?

Xave: doesn’t make it gay by definition. it feels freakin amazing. Straight guys are missing out if they think this makes them gay.

Have you ever experienced a prostate orgasm?

Xave: and THIS is why my cock doesn’t need your attention.

Have you ever gotten cum in your eye?

Xave: LOL yeah.

What’s the most times you’ve had sex (or sexual contact with a partner) in a day?

Xave: Nick. ... probably 20+ we lost count. Dude’s a fuckin vampire. yes. literally. He’s probably the only one I’ve ever been with that could literally wear me out.

Okay, jeez that’s a LOT of questions. I’m done for now. If anyone wants to know any of the ones I didn’t answer....the MILLIONS i didn’t answer- go ahead and ask. Can’t swear I’ll answer them though.

#ultroslovesyou #TW: child molestation #mention

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jeffpackswasyes · 7 years

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Answer them all

1. 3 Fears - open spaces, getting kidnapped and tortured, uhh spiders but spiders are kinda dope now

2. 3 Things I love - Music, girls, animals/nature

3. 2 Turn ons - Lip biting, being wanted in return

4. 2 Turn offs - Manipulative behavior, arrogance

5. My best friend - Regan for sure

6. Sexual Orientation - Straight

7. How tall am I? - Like 6ft tall

8. What do I miss right now - My friend Scott who moved away :(

9. Favorite color - Teal

10. Do I have a crush - I don’t think so

11. Favorite place - My apartment

12. What am I listening to right now? - Modest Mouse is on right now (The Lonesome Crowded West is a fantastic album)

13. Shoe Size - 11

14. Eye Color - Green

15. Hair Color - idk is that like brown or blonde or what. dirty blonde maybe

16. Meaning behind my URL - Dumb pun that I would tell my friend Jeff every time Jetpacks Was Yes! came on

17. Favorite Song - Lmao there are way too many songs

18. Favorite Band - The Dear Hunter!!!

19. How I feel right now - Tired and lazy and mopey

20. Someone I love - my bff regan is an angel

21. My current relationship status - Single as heck

22. My relationship with my parents - My dad and I are on pretty good terms, don’t care for my mom

23. Favorite Season - Autumn of course

24. Tattoos and piercings I have - NONE cause I’m a broke bitch

25. Tattoos and piercings I want - I could go on and on about the tattoos I want all over my body but I’m not gonna do that here. I only want one piercing, a nose ring.

26. The reasons I joined tumblr - There is cool shit on here and it’s good to browse when you are high

27. Do I ever get good morning texts or good night texts? - sort of? I only text one person

28. Have I kissed the last person I texted? No but I’m workin on it

29. How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - Like 6 minutes

30. Have you shaved your legs in the past 3 days? - Nope

31. Where am I right now? - In my bedroom

32. Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - When my roommate isn’t home I play my music loud af

33. Do I live with my mom and dad? - No

34. Am I excited for anything? - Damn, not really

35. Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - Definitely

36. How often do I wear a fake smile? - Often

37. If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - Maybe Casey Crescenzo I really don’t know

38. What do I think about most? - Probably music

39. Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - Definitely behind it

40. What was the last lie I told? - “Nah everything is cool dad”

41. Do I prefer talking on the phone, or video chat? - Phone

42. Do I believe in ghosts? Aliens? - Aliens exist, and I’m convinced ghosts or some sort of spirit entity is out there

43. Do I believe in magic? - Somewhat yes actually, still on the fence about it

44. Do I believe in luck? - I like to think that the universe looks out for some people, whether or not that is “luck”, I’m not sure

45. What’s the weather like right now? - It’s like 85 degrees and sunny out

46. What was the last book I read? - I’m in the middle of Game of Thrones right now and yes, it is fantastic

47. Do I have any nicknames? - I go by James, my middle name so I guess that counts

48. Do I spend money or save it? - I need to be a little more careful with my money I spend so much

49. Can I touch my nose with a tounge? - I’m sure I can touch it with A tongue, but not my tongue

50. Favorite animal? - Damn this a tough one. A sloth? A bear? Deer? Mantis Shrimp?

51. What was I doing last night at 12 am? Smoking and watching Bojack Horseman

52. What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - Mr Blue Sky by ELO, no contest

53. What is my favorite word? - Honestly fuck this question

54. My top 5 blogs on tumblr - They are all good I can’t rate them

55. If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - uhh please stop killing each other

56. Do I have any relatives in jail? - Nope not that I know of

57. What is my current desktop background? - Overwatch shit

58. Had sex? - Nope

59. Bought condoms? - Who needs em! /s

60. Gotten pregnant? - God I hope not

61. Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - Yes

62. Had a job? - Yes

63. Smoked weed? - Too much, gotta chill on it

64. Smoked cigarettes? - Yeah

65. Drank Alcohol? - Yes

66. Am I vegetarian/vegan? - Nope

67. Been overweight? - No I’m skinny af

68. Been underweight? - Definitely

69. Gotten my heart broken? - I wouldn’t classify it as heartbreak

70. Been to prom? - Nah, not my thing

71. Been in an airplane? - Nope :(

72. Learned another language? - Not fluently

73. Wore make up? - I have not, but wouldn’t be opposed

74. Dyed my hair? - Yep, I really wanna die it again

75. Had a surgery? - Nope, I’ve had stitches though

76. Met someone famous? - Never

77. Stalked someone on social media? - Nope

78. Been fishing? - A couple of times

79. Been rejected by a crush? - I didn’t have a lot of crushes so no

80. What do I want for my birthday? - A livable income

81. Do I like my handwriting? - Yeah, I don’t hate it I guess

82. Where do I want to live when I’m older? - Probably somewhere in Europe

83. Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing something bad? - I got caught doing LSD a few years ago

84. What I’m really bad at? - I’m not the best with my words, bad writer and bad conversationalist

85. What my greatest achievements are - ...uhhh Sean and I wrote an album last summer and it was pretty dope but it never got rerecorded and released so does that even count

86. The meanest thing somebody has ever said to you? - I don’t remember off the top of my head

87. What I’d do if I won the lottery - Go visit Regan and get us out of our shitty towns

88. What do I like about myself? - My hair, my hands

89. My closest tumblr friend - damn that is a good question

90. Any question you’d like? - What, i only answer the questions fuck this

91. Are you outgoing or shy? - Definitely shy

92. What kind of people are you attracted to? - The kind that I can click with and talk to and have fun with

93. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - Nope

94. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - Nah, it is a very interesting subject

95. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - Last night with my friend Cody about this life being a simulation

96. What does the most recent text you sent say? - “right, fuck you james”

97. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - Damn gimme a few minutes to look

Cowboy Dan - Modest Mouse

The Old Haunt - The Dear Hunter

None Shall Pass - Aesop Rock

Absolomb - Periphery

Open Up - Dispatch

98. Do you like it when people play with your hair? - Yes I love it

99. Do you think there is life on other planets? - There’s gotta be

100. Do you like bubble baths? - I haven’t taken a bubble bath in years so idk

101. Do you like your neighbors? - Most of them

102. Where would you like to travel? - I wanna travel everything but that is vague and generic so I’ll say Innsbruck, Austria. The name means Inn by the River and it is a cute magical looking town

103. Favorite part of your daily routine? - I don’t have a daily routine but I play overwatch everyday so i”m gonna say it’s that

104. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - Probably my skinny fucking legs

105. What do you when you wake up? - Lately I’ve been reading a chapter and smoking a bowl

106. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - I’ve never really thought about it tbh

107. Do you ever want to get married? - I mean not particularly but if my partner wants to get married then yeah sure

108. Is your hair long enough for a ponytail? - Yep

109. Would you rather live without TV or music? - TV, duh

110. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - Probably

111. What are your favorite stores to shop in? - There’s a bunch of thrift stores in this town so those are always pretty neat

112. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - Yes

113. Do you smile at strangers? - Sometimes

114. Have you done anything recently that you hope no one finds about? - Nope, I’m clean

115. Ever wished you were someone else? - All the time

116. Favorite makeup brand? - Sephora, BH Cosmestics, idrk

117. Last thing you ate? - Cereal

118. Ever won a competition? - Nope

119. Ever been in love? - Yeah

120. Facebook or Twitter? - Neither, but you can follow my insta @jeffpackswasyes ;)

121. Twitter or Tumblr? - Definitely tumblr

122. Are you watching TV right now? - Nope

123. What color are your towels? - Mostly white, I have a blue one though

124. Favorite ice cream flavor? - Vanilla, cookies and cream

125. First person you talked to today? - Regan or Cody

126. Last person you talked to today? - Regan

127. Name a person you hate? - The guy who made the kid put his laptop in the oven on twitch.

128. Name a person you love? - My bff Regan!!

129. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - Nah

130. Do you tan a lot? - Nope

131. Have any pets? - None of my own, none in my apartment

132. Do you type fast? - Yes

133. Do you regret anything from your past? - I try to let go of any regrets, still trying to let go of some. But I’ll get there

134. Ever broken someone’s heart? - Yes

135. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurt? - Lmao yeah

136. Is cheating ever okay? - No, but I do think that it is forgivable, depending on the situation of course.

137. Do you believe in true love? - What is TRUE love? Love is just love, we don’t understand it

138. What’s your zodiac sign? - Cancer

139. Do you believe in ghosts? - This question is on here twice, very suspicious

140. Get the closest book to you and open it page 42. What is the first line? - Egyptian Wheels and Dimensional Travel

2 notes · View notes

maximumhellyeah · 7 years

Note

All the numbers.

1.Who was the last person you held hands with? @zombiexblood2. Are you outgoing or shy? Outgoing, got to be, with this job.3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Already tagged him above, so Eli.4. Are you easy to get along with? I like to think I am.5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? He does, frequently.6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Good people.7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I sincerely fucking hope so.8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? My sister.9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nope.10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Ryan, I think.11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? ‘C'est le milieu de la nuit, je vous rappellerai plus tard.’ Which is: ‘It’s the middle of the night, I’ll call you back later.’12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Hollywood Undead - Gansta Sexy

Set It Off - Upside Down

Motionless In White - LOUD (Fuck It)

Bring Me The Horizon - Throne

Robin Thicke - Blurred Lines

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Fuck yes.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Sometimes.15. What good thing happened this summer? Recording in Tennessee.16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Of course.17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Probably.18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No.19. Do you like bubble baths? Sometimes.20. Do you like your neighbors? I don’t think I’ve met them.21. What are you bad habits? I chew my nails, fidget constantly, and drum my fingers on pretty much anything.22. Where would you like to travel? Not many places I haven’t seen yet... I think Iceland would be cool.23. Do you have trust issues? Not really, I guess.24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Those ten minutes alone after a show, where everything’s quiet and still, and I just get to unwind.25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My torso, it’s got a shit load of ugly scars.26. What do you do when you wake up? Complain and attempt to fall asleep again.27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? No.28. Who are you most comfortable around? Eli, again.29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Kind of, but not really.30. Do you ever want to get married? Obviously.31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Not quite yet.32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? David Beckham and Chris Evans.33. Spell your name with your chin. kjhpoidscghj34. Do you play sports? What sports? Does 5-a-side count.35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV, easy.36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Probably, we were all 14 once.37. What do you say during awkward silences? Did you know cows have best friends?38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Eli, but home more often.39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? None, I fucking hate shopping.40. What do you want to do after high school? Be an astronaut.41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Yes.42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I’m tired, I’m angry, or I’m just not in the mood to talk.43. Do you smile at strangers? Yep.44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Outer space, the shit at the bottom of the ocean freaks me the fuck out.45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Harley, usually.46. What are you paranoid about? Lots of things.47. Have you ever been high? Yep.48. Have you ever been drunk? Yep.49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Yep.50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Black.51. Ever wished you were someone else? Sometimes, but not lately.52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? My weird earlobes.53. Favourite makeup brand? Meh.54. Favourite store? Nope.55. Favourite blog? Don’t have a favourite.56. Favourite colour? Blue.57. Favourite food? Red velvet cake.58. Last thing you ate? Pizza.59. First thing you ate this morning? Again, pizza.60. Ever won a competition? For what? Do the Kerrang! Awards count?61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Suspended a few times, can’t remember what for.62. Been arrested? For what? Nope.63. Ever been in love? Of course.64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? I was about 14, we were in the park, right after I kissed her, I told her I was gay, she slapped me and left crying.65. Are you hungry right now? Kinda.66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? They’re mostly the same thing, at this point.67. Facebook or Twitter? Twitter.68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr.69. Are you watching tv right now? Nope.70. Names of your bestfriends? Max, Chris, Matt, and Dan.71. Craving something? What? Yeah, not sure what though.72. What colour are your towels? None of my towels match.72. How many pillows do you sleep with? One.73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No.74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? Only the ones I buy Harley.75. Favourite animal? Probably tigers.76. What colour is your underwear? Black.77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate.78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Phish food.79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Grey.80. What colour pants? Dark blue.81. Favourite tv show? Black Mirror.82. Favourite movie? Nightmare On Elm Street.83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls.84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean Girls.85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Damian is my spirit animal.86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Mr. Ray.87. First person you talked to today? Ricky, I think.88. Last person you talked to today? Ghost, Devin, whatever the fuck we’re calling him today.89. Name a person you hate? Let’s not go there.90. Name a person you love? My mummy.91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Not really.92. In a fight with someone? I wouldn’t call it a fight, exactly, but things ain’t good.93. How many sweatpants do you have? Why would I count them?94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? Billions.95. Last movie you watched? Beetlejuice.96. Favourite actress? Jennifer Lawrence.97. Favourite actor? Chris Pratt.98. Do you tan a lot? A bit, yeah.99. Have any pets? A French bulldog, Harley.100. How are you feeling? Alright, I guess.101. Do you type fast? At a decent enough speed.102. Do you regret anything from your past? A few things.103. Can you spell well? I think yes, spellcheck says no.104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Not really.105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yep.106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Yes, unfortunately.107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yep.108. What should you be doing? Writing, probably.109. Is something irritating you right now? The humidity.110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yep.111. Do you have trust issues? Was this not a question already? I’m sure it was.112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Depends on whether or not it counts if they didn’t know I was crying. If it does, then Ryan, if not, then Chris.113. What was your childhood nickname? Jazzy Josh.114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? More times than I can count.115. Do you play the Wii? Not really. We’ve usually got one on the bus, but it’s more Max and Matt’s thing.116. Are you listening to music right now? Yep, Hollywood Undead.117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Meat is murder.118. Do you like Chinese food? Yep.119. Favourite book? Do I have to chose one? I love them all.120. Are you afraid of the dark? Nope.121. Are you mean? I don’t think so. I hope not.122. Is cheating ever okay? Fuck no. Never.123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Hell no.124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes.125. Do you believe in true love? Yes.126. Are you currently bored? Nah.127. What makes you happy? Lots of things.128. Would you change your name? One of my middle names, but the rest of it’s cool.129. What your zodiac sign? Leo130. Do you like subway? I loves it, I does.131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Gently remind them I’m gay.132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Also a repeat, answer’s still Ryan.133. Favourite lyrics right now? ‘My name ain’t dick so keep it out of your mouth.134. Can you count to one million? Doubt it.135. Dumbest lie you ever told? ‘It’s nothing, I’m fine.’136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Open.137. How tall are you? 6′1″138. Curly or Straight hair? Straight.139. Brunette or Blonde? Either.140. Summer or Winter? Summer.141. Night or Day? Night.142. Favourite month? October.143. Are you a vegetarian? Yep.144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark.145. Tea or Coffee? Tea.146. Was today a good day? Pretty good, yeah.147. Mars or Snickers? Neither.148. What’s your favourite quote? ‘Everything will be alright in the end. If it’s not alright, then it’s not the end.’149. Do you believe in ghosts? Kinda.150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line It’s in the other room and I can’t be bothered getting up.

#zombiexblood #answered

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chiefpaperdonut-blog · 6 years

Text

day 1 journal

here i am

after all this time

make the changes you need

and stop being a broken record

it feels good being able to type on a keyboard again. strange that i haven't been able to for months.

i like not being a computer slave though.

also, this computers HDD may die soon

it's probably worth getting some sort of HDD that you can collect all your various datas and throw them together

it'd be nice to have the photos. even if photos make me sad.

i think what's sad is just what you've given up

and for nothing of lasting value

nor people who valued you for you

well maybe that last point is a bit dramatic

maybe just write out your emotions and let yourself cry and be a human again

====

you got to love/shake your head at the excuses used for the various drug addictions i ended up stacking on top of one another

the reality is that you are intelligent, but you've not lived intelligently

stop handicapping yourself. it's illusionary pleasure, distraction

it could be a videogame addiction. but it wasn't. it was drugs.

the cheapest shortcut

and of course, there's a lot of price to pay eventually

it doesn't seem like it at the time but that's how it transpires.

i'm sick of being a drug addict and not reaching my true potential. not facing the reality of life. of course it's hard. but you've made it harder, through short term thinking.

you're midway through your 20s. this is in someways the most productive period of your life.

it hasn't all been a waste. you've been relatively functional. but you don't see things through enough. you could have done far more. also, you need to get out of this environment.

this house has been fun. it's also been illuminating. the place has been mostly a total fucking sty. indulgent nothingness. you had some fun times with friends, who you thought would always be there for you. the reality is that some of those friendships are not like that, and are built on very shaky foundations.

i want to hold myself to a higher standard. i want to do more good in this world. i want to be able to properly look after myself.

it's ok for it to be hard. it's ok for this to be a struggle. believe believe believe

i've had enough signs from god to know it'll all be fine.

don't forget the signs. they are telling you to change path. this is a time of change.

even if it's hard. not fun. even if sobriety fucking freaks you out, or stresses you out

eventually that'll fade. and you'll be free. and infinitely better off.

the whole living with high people sitting on a couch playing games or watching tele, doing fuck all, messy place, no money, it's too sad and empty. it's not what i want for myself or for anyone else, there's a lot more to life. you used to know this. you still know this, but you've made the decisions.

time to make another decision. the decision to not use today.

just a day at a time. you don't need to quit forever. plenty of people have slip ups anyway.

just one day. one day is more than none.

===

i just saw someone walk by my window. and middle aged but poorly aged woman smoking a cigarette, wearing baggy, cheap, scrappy looking active wear / salvos stock. you see a lot of the older, poor people in the kilburn area. even the people your aguish at savers (sam commenting what was she doing with her life). that is a result of decisions by and large. it begins with the decision to smoke a cigarette. then drugs, alcohol, whatever - it ends up coming before alll else. even appearance. showering.

their lives aren't necessarily bad. it's not my place to make a value judgement about the content of their character. because that so easily could be you. it's a result of decisions, one after the other.

these people may be carrying burdens that you have no idea of

at the end of the day though, i don't want that

i don't want to be poor as shit on a pension, scraping by

getting the bus because there's no other options

picking cigarette butts off the ground

prioritising alcohol or whatever substance above all else

it's the relationship with it, and the decision one makes around them

is it a healthy relationship?

for me, obviously not. it's not the path i wish to walk down.

drug addiction very rarely ends in a positive manner, excluding stories of going straight. even the famous people for example who made it work would have likely been more effective / lived longer if they'd nipped it in the bud.

it's a crutch but you already knew how to walk

but you used it so much that you ended up forgetting how to walk

and was then afraid without it you'd fall flat on your face

----

(−)-trans-Δ⁹ -- -tetrahydrocannabinol

anhedonia

----

you already quit your opiate addiction earlier this year.

don't replace drug addiction with laptop addiction

you already know the sort of stuff you are good at and the work you can do

the goals you can and do hold

time to stop wasting

---

i want to quit

that's why i'm on /r/leaves

that's why i'm going to make an account to keep accountable.

---

other thing about living situation - no matter how many problems you think you have and that you've neglected through drug use, it's not like that applies just to you. ky is the same, hence that list i wrote earlier talking about his actions. how they reveal a lot of flaws in the way he interacts with others / honesty. that's the other thing about weed. oh, it's so chill. people who smoke like ky are so chill. well, not really. it's artificial and fake. you've seen him lose his shit. act in a pretty crappy way. he's human like the rest of us, but he is still stuck in using weed and as soon as he gets back, he likely will again. it makes more sense then him going sober, paying his bills, changing the way he interacts to be more honest instead of trying to remove any amount of difficulty / disturbance from his life.

---

think of all the times you scraped for res

searched the ground for bud

smoked weed covered in cat hair

checking stash spots that you know you don't have any weed in

but MAYBE

maybe there'll be something

opening baggies and collecting particles

filtered bong water to collect plant matter that had fallen through

didn't it make you feel rather grubby? to take a drug to such an extent, to never not try maximise etc.

instead of just waiting until the next time, it had to be MAXIMUM

no waste

but that sounds too positive, no waste

considering every second spent on that behaviour was a total waste.

don't ever go back to that.

----

a random catholic covered a church being robbed for 1000 dollars. that's a spirit of awesome generosity. you could be that type of person if you make the necessary decisions.

---

by the time you are sober , by your next bday, you'll have three years essentially

three years to work it out, get your shit together and make something of yourself

not that 30 is a deadline for life. but for me, i'd like to be well on the way then.

the sooner the better

----

you're reading weed defenders defend their drug on redid and it's hilarious in a sense, sad in another. it really drives home the bad stereotypes about the drug and the obvious delusion most daily stoners labour under. 'i'm still productive, i've still achieved things' - like what? - not much -

think of people like mark carey . supposedly smart, knows a lot about science blah blah blah. yet he's mid 30s , achieved fuck all and that doesn't appear to be changing anytime soon.

maybe the debauched lifestyle is romanticised to help those who live with it. shame that it convinces others, such as myself, to jump deep into that pool. especially with it's connections to art and music. the reality though - you and everyone else for that matter would be better off (bar those with seizures / genuine medical use eg. NOT ANXIETY OR DEPRESSION IT MAKES IT WORSE EVENTUALLY)

---

if you get through all this mess, it'll be something to be proud of and proof of the strength i have to draw on.

---

SOBER

Stop, observe - with detachment - how do i feel?

Breathe - deep slow breaths

Examine - why do i feel like this?

respond - not react.

10 minutes meditation

---

remember zoe from work commenting about how i should just leave instead of wanting to get evicted. i was annoyed at the time because of course i was thinking it's not that simple.

there's ky, the band, cats, money owing , shared responsibilities yada yada yada

but the reality is it is that simple

you've accepted so much that is unacceptable through acquiescence through drug use.

kyrons constant fucking around with money.

it's been months and months of being fucked around.

so come on. time to wake up.

it is that simple. and necessary.

mum will help you. you can then rebuild, and change your life.

i could be in a position where i could move to japan if i hadn't smoked weed. i probably would have finished university, if not prior to working at child support, certainly the next year and a half of not really being that employed.

you still did a lot of things in a sense. they just weren't very productive. time spent at salvos. working writing jobs. won that writing competition. wrote an entire film script. made music, improved skills , and exposure.

you may be entering in some senses your golden period.

plenty of people make use of themselves later then 27

sure, we hear plenty about the young who are already running out the gate

you made decisions to build friends, have memories, different experiences and exposures to different lifestyles. that is valuable and this part of your life is not wasted. in fact, by recognising how much more i am capable of, and by beating numerous difficult drug addictions, i'm proving my ability as a human, growing. i don't think it's true that weed puts you in a COMPLETE stasis, but maybe i was lucky because i still liked doing things / reading / learning. plenty just sit about playing fortnite. the reality though is that i could have done A LOT more. and that makes a difference. you've gained an interesting perspective into different ways of living / people. even if you think about high school, nearly all your friends were kinda middle class and well off and not turning to drugs. now you're with the drudgers , it's all dysfunctional , single parent homes. maybe that's a bit harsh and inaccurate. at the end of the day though, hardcore drug use is dysfunctional and dysfunctional people will be drawn to this.

you have been dysfunctional. this is why you've alienated a lot of former friends, through treating them inappropriately. things won't get better unless you make a proper effort at becoming functional. and you can. a lot of the things that motivated you to take drugs initially - lack of being cool, having friends/fun, trying new , different things, and even though i probably didn't think of it, taking the easy way out to feeling good and ignoring the bad of life and my self-esteem issues from not fitting in as a younger person. i wasn't very assertive when i first came back over. i found it hard to talk to others blah blah blah. even though socially things were better in wales then melbourne/rose park, there was still plenty of mistakes and growing pains. these are not problems anymore. i'm a lot wiser. and there's still a lot of mountains to climb, but different ones. not just sitting at the top of the one i climbed years ago. in fact, i've been atrophying and going backwards in a lot of those areas - DUE to drugs. it has kept me static but also dysfunctional, and over time, i've had that manifest through bad behaviour that has alienated my friends. at a certain point they have to give up. it's for their own health as well.

day 1 for weed, day 7 for tobacco. keep it up.

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