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zv5x · 3 years

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Okay, I wanted this fic to be a thing for a while, but I just now got a good idea on what I wanted it to be about. So....enjoy, and if you want me to branch out on this AU in any way or have any other requests, just hmu! Always happy to do stuff for you guys! ♡

Yan!Poly Senpai & Spirit • Reader

( :̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅)

You shouldn't have done it. You tortured yourself by thinking of what your life could've been, as your slightly trembling hands gripped at your kneecaps. You really shouldn't have done it. You thought hopelessly to yourself as you glanced over at the PlayStation collecting dust in the corner. You scoffed, actually quite surprised that neither of them had disposed of it by now. You should have let them rot in that damn game. But, their pleas were just too...convincing. The way Senpai (the first one you met of the two) sighed and pressed his pixelated palms against the glass screen of the television, telling you that it was only a matter of time before the broken coding of the game they were in consumed them completely. At the time, you didn't want that. What sane person would? Senpai was, as far as you were concerned, a sentient being, and so was the other one of the two. As far they let you know, they were imprisoned cruelly and left to die. And, as tears pricked your eyes, and as those tears made the PlayStation look as if it was shining, you had a good feeling as to why they were put in there. You had a good feeling as to why that girl with the pretty red dress handed you the console and the game with such a pained and desperate look in her eyes, expressing her "guilt" towards whatever the game happened to inhabit. The game and the memories that came along with it are burned into your brain. The way the words "Hating Simulator" were scrawled so messily onto the game cartridge, the way the console was kept so well cleaned, like it wasn't nearly as old as it actually was. And of course, how could you ever cease to remember the game itself? The glitches, the cutesy music you could expect from a dating game like that one, the hours of dialogue you somehow sat through, all of it was forced into your brain so deep that you couldn't forget it no matter how hard you tried. You shouldn't have taken it, you thought. Things would be so much better for you if you just didn't do it. If maybe, just maybe, you smiled at her just like you did anyways, and trashed the console and went on with your life, then maybe your life would be a lot more brighter than it was. Maybe you wouldn't be sitting prettily on the couch waiting for your personal hell to pick up where it left off. Just like clockwork, both or just one if you somehow got lucky, Senpai or Spirit, would enter the house you were confined in, to "spend quality time with you". Just the thought made you sick. You, for whatever reason, put some of the blame onto yourself. How did you not notice the signs? The way Senpai would angerly confront you while he was still inside the game, all because you were an hour later to turning on the game than you said you would be, only for him to turn into a sickeningly sweet pile of putty as you explained the reasoning - you got too absorbed in trying to figure out a way to free him and Spirit, and lost track of time. You should have noticed it when you freed the two of them both, and their protectiveness increased tenfold. The way the two of them would almost be at each other's throats at first, arguing at who would get to spend the most time with you, before they eventually stopped fighting after seeing your fearful and tear soaked face. You should have noticed it when Spirit insisted on temporarily ditching his more humanized form in favor of the one he used in the Hating Simulator so he could hitch rides in your backpack, to accompany you to school and whatnot. The world was scary, he told you as he cupped your cheeks in his hands, and he wants to make sure not a single soul will be given the opportunity to harm you. Senpai even offered to enroll to the same college, but you turned down his offer. But, now that you think back on it, you wouldn't be shocked if Spirit and Senpai arranged for him to go anyways. Spirit had his ways, which he always bragged about like the sick bastard he turned out to be. You can remember it like it was yesterday, holding him in your arms as he was in his tiny spirit form. Placing him inside your backpack and giving him a gentle kiss on his forehead as he looked up at you.

This form, being a direct copy of his form of the Hating Simulator, held that same look of pixelated, twisted agony. But even still, you could tell he was looking up at you with pure love and adoration. He loved you, he wanted to make sure you were safe, you told yourself. Wasn't that cute? He really cared, didn't he? If only you knew. If only someone was there to really warn you. It was after you started bringing Spirit along with you, that everything started going dark. Since he was right there in your backpack, he could hear everything going on. All the laughs you had with your friends, all the interactions, everything you did with others, he saw as "too much". They were clearly flirting with you, or, they sounded too suspicious. You were lucky Spirit was there to make sure they didn't do anything to hurt you, they were clearly getting too comfortable around you! You brushed it off, as stupid as that was. You still loved him and Senpai dearly, so you made excuses for the both of them. Spirit just didn't understand human interaction, since he was a demon. He just didn't get it, but a little bit of empathetic explaining could do the trick. However, no matter how much reassuring you did, it just never soothed him. There was always something else. Something more. Senpai and Spirit started getting closer and closer. At first, you were glad. They've been through a lot together, and you knew they could be really good friends if they tried. You were happy for the two of them. But, you couldn't help but feel uneasy every time you entered a room and saw the two of them sitting together. Their bodies close and their voices quiet, only ceasing their speech as one of them was the first to notice you, smiling sweetly, a lip movement which the other soon copied. You smiled back, but even in that moment, you couldn't help but wonder if that smile was genuine or not. The arguments became more frequent. But, now, much to your own shock and dismay, it wasn't one against one as the third person watched in fear like before, it was two against one. You just didn't get it, they thought. You were so stubborn, so hopelessly brainwashed by mortal society. You couldn't see things their way because the world wouldn't let you. Of course, logically, you called bullshit. You had genuinely no clue what they were going on about. The people they were suspicious of, they were nothing more than acquaintances and friends. The brainwashing they claimed you were going through, was just you finally seeing through their lovesick bullshit. Alas, you just couldn't make them see the way things really were. Their little kinship became your downfall. And soon, they put the plan they were whispering about into action. You couldn't leave now, you had absolutely no chance against them. Not when you barely even put in the effort to figure out explanations for your friends and other loved ones strangely vanishing with only weak and unfounded excuses to explain their disappearances. Spirit and Senpai both had you trapped, mentally and physically. You sat in despair, wondering what things would be like if you took a left instead of a right that day, if you took a mallet to the damn console instead of giving those sick fucks any of your compassion and time. Soon, the door creaked open which interrupted your thoughts, but you were too broken mentally to even look up. "You alright, dear?" You weren't alright, but you didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he got a response out of you. You could recognize his voice, it was Spirit. You especially hated him, he was far more agressive than Senpai. More demanding and possessive. Senpai was as well, but he was far more passive than Spirit was. Your eyes could see him crouch down to your level, but you refused to look up from your lap. Why give him the satisfaction? It will only make your situation worse in your eyes. You couldn't help but cringe as you felt Spirit's fingers grip the soft skin on your chin and lifted your head up to look him in the eyes.

"Still acting all upset, hm?" He mumbled to himself, looking at your features as if he was studying you. It made you want to vomit. He made you sick. Him and that prissy bastard Senpai. "Me and Sen have been trying so hard to keep you safe, (Y/N)...don't you think we deserve a little gratitude?" Spirit asked in a soft, comforting tone. You looked at him in disgust, anger coursing through your veins. That sick mother fucker. That sick bastard. You can only take so much of his delusional bullshit without rage building up in your entire body. How dare he? Does he and Senpai genuinely rationalize this as love? Murder, kidnapping, abuse and manipulation? Yeah, sure. Maybe in Hell this could be considered love, but not in any place you ever lived. Spirit continued on with his sick rambling, but his words fell on deaf ears. All you saw was a deep red, and you couldn't help but notice your body beginning to twitch. Looking back on it, you really shouldn't have done it. But, you couldn't blame yourself, and your body just couldn't allow yourself to refuse. The moment you felt yourself returning to your normal vision, your fist was already slamming into the middle of Spirit's face. He yelped, clearly not expecting the impact, and actually stumbled back slightly. Seeing him holding his tiny nose and seeing his chest rise and fall in a rapid motion, you then realized just how badly you screwed up. He's a demon, a simple punch from a mere human wouldn't do anything but anger him. And, anger him it did. The room was so silent that you could probably hear a pin drop, the air was heavy and cold. It was silent, completely so, until your ears picked up on what was the sound of a low growl coming from the entity you just punched in square in the nose. Fuck. Spirit slowly got up, resulting in you scrambling to the back of the couch cushion and sitting in the fetal position as your body trembled violently. It took him a few deep breaths to regain his composure, but when it did, it was arguably more terrifying than if he were to stand screaming at you in rage. Senpai did just that all the time, you were damn near completely used to it. "Well, we can't have you acting like that, can we?" Spirit sighed, his hand twitching as he once again felt his nose. You couldn't help but wonder, did he actually have cartilage in there? If so, did you break his nose? It seemed like you did, considering how Spirit was consistantly holding it as if to check it. Your thoughts were cut off, as he made his way towards you, grabbing you by your ankles and ripping away their protective shield for the rest of your body. He hummed, his eyes piercing your body like a hot blade. "Sen won't have to know about this if you're good for here on out, you wouldn't want him to join in. He'd probably be a lot less easy on you then I." You were about to verbally call bullshit once more, until your bodies nerves were stimulated in the most painful way you could possibly imagine. The last thing you could remember before everything went white, was your own agonized screams, and the psychotic giggles of a demon enraged. You shouldn't have done it. You really shouldn't have done it.

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donutloverxo · 4 years

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Temptations

Note - For the lovely @justagirlinafandomworld 's challenge! And for my sweet fellow hoes @stargazingfangirl18 and @navybrat817

Hope y'all like it❤❤ Also a prequel of sorts to new years eve.

Summary - You know you only want him because you can't have him. But you still can't help yourself.

Warnings - smut, cheating, spanking, name calling, light anal stuff, like a small mention of choking (blink and you'll miss it).

Prompts - "I was fine before I met you" + Toxic cover by Sofia Karlberg for @justagirlinafandomworld

"Did you just....smack my ass?" + "Shh...be good for me" for navy and siri.

Pairing - Ransom Drysdale x reader

Word count - 4k

Masterlist is linked in the bio!

Your mother always told you to find a man who could take care of you.

Love doesn’t bring food on the table or a roof over your head.

Don’t be like your sister.

Don’t let those Disney movies fool you.

This is a materialistic world and money is the universal language.

As a kid it was annoying. Even more so when you fell for a guy, who your mother certainly didn’t approve of, who ended up breaking your heart into a million little pieces.

You learned as a teen; that the fairytales did lie to you. Love isn’t some magical force which is completely out of one’s control. You could love anyone if you tried hard enough.

Having grown up poor you always yearned for those sparkly things. So you made sure to make friends with some rich kids in college. But deep down you knew they only ever saw you as a charity case. A story, a means to diversify their social circle.

Which is why you took your mothers advice. Trapped your college roommates brother. Bryce. He was alright. But nothing more than that. You did care for him. But you lied whenever you told him that he was more to you. That he was a part of you.

Your soul ached every time you said ‘I love you’ to him. Because you didn’t mean it. It was all a lie. A farce. You wondered if he loved you as much as he claimed he did.

Even though you knew the answer. He didn’t.

He was the black sheep of his family. You knew he only dated you to get some sort of revenge on them. Wanting to be different and go against the flow. He secretly relished in how much his mother hated you. How you weren’t from old money. Or any sort of money.

As if being rich inherently makes you worthy.

Which was also why he had bought you along to meet his friends.

That’s when you saw him.

You knew he was trouble the minute you laid eyes on him. His chestnut hair swept back. The blue cable knit sweater he wore bringing out the blue of his cold hard eyes. Which also really did nothing to hide his large frame.

His long tan coat swirled around as he walked towards you. It was something you noticed. He walked with purpose. As if he owned the damn place.

You watched Bryce embrace him in a tight hug. They were apparently friends since middle school. You gulped down cowering under his intense gaze as he shook your hand.

You exhaled a shaky breathe, the warmth his hand electrifying your nerves. You quickly excused yourself, afraid that you were being too obvious about your instant attraction to him. That if you stayed in the vicinity of him you’d do something you would come to regret later.

You came out to the garden. Taking in the fresh air. Away from the rich people. And their suffocating stench.

You jumped when you heard Ransom call out your name.

You turned around to look at him. Only now he had shed his coat and sweater and was only dressed in a tight white shirt. Which was really messing with your head.

“You don’t like the party?” He asked. Very aware of the effect he had on you. It wasn’t very hard to tell. You weren’t exactly being subtle.

“Oh uh... that’s not it. I just needed some air.” You nodded to yourself. Playing with your hands to keep occupied as he stepped closer to you. Crowding you with the musky scent of his cologne.

“You mind if I keep you company?” He asked but he didn’t really expect an answer. With the way you refused to even look at his face he doubted you’d give him one.

He bought his hand up to play with your hair. Twirling a strand between his fingers. “I hope to see you this Christmas.” He smirked at the cute confused expression you gave him after you finally looked up at him. “We’re going to the Bahamas? Ring any bells?” He said as if he was talking to a child. You only shook your head no. “I’ll make sure Bryce brings you along then.” He drawled tracing your cheek and jaw with his finger.

“Ransom what’re you doing?” You stammered looking around to make sure no one was around.

“I’m not doing anything.” He shrugged parting your lips with his thumb.

“Yes you are!” You scolded him but kept your voice low. “Someone will see.” You tried to take his hand off of your face but it only made him grab a tight hold of your jaw.

“Now don’t play all innocent with me.” He laughed cruelly as you hissed under his harsh touch. “I saw those fuck me eyes you were giving me.” He leaned in so close to you that you could feel his hot breath fanning on your face. “What? You think you can just tease anyone you want and get away with it? It might work on other idiots but not me.”

You squirmed in his hold, fighting him to free yourself. But he was much stronger than you.

He sneered at your resistance and leaned in to whisper in your ear. “I’ll see you this Christmas.” He said. His tone letting on that he wasn’t done with you. He abruptly let go of you giving you a grin and walking away.

You stuck by Bryce’s side the rest of the night. You thought Ransom wouldn’t try anything when Bryce was right there. But the way Bryce was fawning over ransom you had a feeling he probably would let Ransom fuck you in front of him.

You were almost impressed by how charming and casual he was when spoke to you in front of Bryce and all his friends. No one would suspect a thing.

Hell he had you fooled. Was the encounter in the garden your imagination? Was your mind playing tricks on you.

You decided that it absolutely wasn’t when you felt Ransom pinch your behind as he helped you into the uber. You gasped loudly plumping down in the backseat. Staring at Ransom completely take aback.

“You okay babe.” You heard Bryce mumbled beside you, his eyes shut as he leaned against the glass window. Too drunk to notice what was going on right next to him.

“Yeah you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Ransom put his hand on your shoulder. A faux look of concern on his face.

“I’m totally fine!” You held your breathe trying to close your door but his huge body was blocking it.

“Make sure to bring this one along Bryce.” He was speaking to Bryce but his eyes were glued to you. “You have a good night sweetheart.”

You sat completely still not moving a single muscle as he pressed a light barely there kiss to your cheek.

You felt like you could finally breathe after getting far, far away from him.

You made a thousand excuses trying your best to convince Bryce that you just can’t make it. But he wasn’t having any of it.

“I never ask you for anything. I don’t know. Maybe we’re not the right fit for each other.” He had said threatening to break up with you.

You found yourself resenting him even more. How he couldn’t stand up to his 'friend’ and just say no. That you can’t make it. How hard could it possibly be?

You didn’t know who was more pathetic. You or Bryce.

How even after how sleazy Ransom acted around you, you still found yourself thinking of him whenever you dipped your fingers between your thighs. How you wished with every fibre of your being to just let him have his way with you. Why can’t you be bad just this once?

You were down right terrified of ransom maybe the thrill was the reason you were so attracted to him. Giving you an adrenaline rush you actually mistook for any sort of attraction. Or at least that’s how you choose to justify it.

You arrived at your hotel before Ransom. Meeting up with a few of Bryce’s friends. Binging on margaritas. That you almost forgot about why you were so anxious in the first place.

Your joy didn’t last long. As he showed up. The first thing you noticed was how his hair was a few inches longer. No longer styled with gel, messed up from his flight. He only seemed to mess it up further as he ran a hand through his hair.

As you expected he was inconspicuous. Not giving you anymore attention than the others. Which only made you want him more.

Why would he just ignore you after giving you so much attention last time. Even if said attention was unwanted.

You didn’t dare look too long at him. You did steal some glances. He did catch you a couple of times. But if he noticed he didn’t let it show.

After the long day you had laid flat on your comfy mattress. Almost asleep when you felt Bryce’s prying hands working on taking off your dress.

“I’m so tired babe.” You pecked his lips hoping that’d be the end of it. You really were exhausted from the cat and mouse game you played with Ransom.

Bryce made a sound of disapproval. “I took you on such a nice vacation. The least you can do is say thank you.” He demanded.

Not really having it in you to argue any further with him, you got down on your knees and took him in your mouth. Working him up with your hands and tongue. He never could last that long and you knew all his weaknesses.

“God shit will you do something about your hair” He chided trying to bunch your hair up in a ponytail.

You rolled your eyes and looked for your hair tie. Tying your hair up in a haphazard ponytail before getting back to business. He finished in just a few minutes. Collapsing on his side of the bed. “Just wake me up in a few hours babe. I’ll take care of you then.” His words muffled by his pillow.

You could only scoff at that. As if. He had yet to make you cum even once. You had become quite the actress by faking it with him.

You decided to take a long shower to wash your long day off. You slipped your fingers in your heat. To take matters into your own hands.

You tried your best to think of a hot celebrity or literally anyone else but him. But your mind kept coming back to Ransom. How his huge wrist would look wrapped around your throat. How you could mess up his hair as he ate you out.

Ultimately you became too frustrated with yourself, thinking of someone else, your boyfriends friend at that, in such a an inappropriate way. This wasn’t like you.

You gave up. Knowing you wouldn’t find release. Not with the heavy guilt lingering in the back of your mind.

You couldn’t sleep. You kept tossing and turning. But then you’d had enough. You put on a robe and headed towards Ransoms room. You knocked on it twice before he opened the door.

He stood in just his boxer briefs in front of you. And you had to do everything in your power to keep your eyes on his face and not let them fall down. To feast on his broad chest, the dark hair splattered on it, his washboard abs and that damn happy trail.

“This better be good.” He growled. obviously too upset that you disturbed his sleep.

“I...” you trailed off letting your eyes wander to his chest and the trail of dark brown hair leading to his black, tight, boxers “just couldn’t sleep.” You continued trying your best to focus.

“Come on in then.” Just like that. That fucking smirk was back on his face.

You took a deep breathe walking into his room. Wondering what the fuck you were even doing here. “How have you been?” You tried to make small talk.

Turning around to look at him. In a split second, before you could even comprehend what was happening he crashed his lips on yours, stealing your breathe. You sighed moaning into the kiss as his tongue invaded your mouth. It was messy and sloppy and everything you’d ever want from a kiss.

You both pulled away when the need to breathe took over your need for each other.

You panted running your hands up and down his chest to feel him.

“Why are you really here?” He asked pulling your chin up to make you look at him. When you wouldn’t answer he snaked a hand into your shorts. Letting out a satisfied hum with just how wet you were.

You whimpered as his warm fingertips grazed your nether folds. Teasing you so cruelly. Not really giving you what you so desperately wanted. “You know why I’m here.” You purred.

“Not good enough. I’m gonna need you to fucking say it.” He spit pushing a finger inside you.

Your breath hitched as he added another one, staring at you intently as he pumped them in and out of you. “No!” You cried. Trying to pry his hand out of your sleep shorts. “This is wrong. No!”

“Stop it!” He chided pinching your clit as you winced. “You can act innocent all you want. But I know just how much of a slut you are. Look at this.” He captured your cries and whimpers in a kiss as he curled his fingers inside you “Look how fucking wet you are for me.” He said before kissing you again.

“No. That’s not true.” You whined shaking your head “I was fine before I met you!” You were good. He was the one that awoke something dark and primal inside you. This was all his fault.

He chuckled at your foolishness. He wondered if you really believed that. Not that it mattered to him. He added a third finger to stretch your tight heat, get you ready for him. But he couldn’t wait anymore. Not with just how painfully hard he was.

He pulled his fingers from your shorts and pushed you down on your knees. With little to no resistance, you kneeled in front of him.

He took his hard cock out of his uncomfortable briefs, smudging his precum on your lips. “You know what to do. Be a good slut.” He instructed pulling on your messy ponytail as you took his head in your mouth. Sucking on it thoroughly before taking all of him. He groaned knowing you would make him cum in just a few seconds with that hot mouth of yours. “I knew you’d make for a good cocksucker” He pushed you further down and laughed as you gagged around him.

He pulled you off of him, tugging on your hair. He would cum just at the sight of you. Your eyes glossy, cheeks wet with tears, saliva and cum smeared all over your face. He took your hair tie off and smirked at your messy state. He preferred you like that. Ruined because of him. And he hasn’t even started yet.

He urged you to stand by pulling on your forearm. He pushed you against the edge of his bed. “Take off your clothes. On your hands and knees.” He ordered. Impatiently getting rid of his briefs.

You hesitated for a moment but then cowered under his harsh stern gaze, that let you know he had no room for disobedience. With shaky hands you pulled your tank top up and tossed it aside. Repeating the same with your shorts. You gulped as he unabashedly ogled you.

Turning around you climbed on the bed. Crawling till you butt at the edge. You had never done anything in this position before. Bryce preferred letting you do all the work. To give up control, to someone like Ransom. Who made you feel scared more than aroused. Was unnerving to say the least.

You waited, your nipples hardened and your skin covered in goose bumps because of the cold and the anticipation. You expected him to sink in you. He was a lot bigger than anyone else you had ever taken. You had no idea if you could even fit him. You choked trying to fuck him with your mouth.

But then you felt his tongue prod your pluckered hole. You gasped jerking away from his touch but his firm grip on your hips kept you still.

“Anyone ever fucked you here before?” He asked pushing a finger and watching in awe as your asshole swallowed it. It was so tight, he could barely fit one finger in it. He couldn’t imagine how amazing he would feel wrapped up around it. He frowned at your lack of response. That kind of shit doesn’t fly with him.

He groped your plump ass cheek before raising his hand and slapping it harshly. “I asked you a question. I expect an answer.” He stated entranced by the redness of your skin, spanking the same cheek again. So he could leave a few bruises. Something for you to remember him by.

Not that there was any need, this certainly won’t be the last time, he had plans for your ass for the next time. Besides there was no way he could not have you now. Not after feeling your tight cunt around his fingers, which would only be tighter around his cock.

You gasped as you felt the sting of his slap, you looked back at him over your shoulder, wincing again as he delivered another slap. “Did you just...smack my ass?” You asked incredulously. You knew it was a kink for some people but you never thought you’d be taking part in it. Let alone like it way more than you should.

“Shh... be good for me.” He removed his forefinger and replaced it with his thumb. “Answer my question.” He urged.

You swallowed not really ready for any more spanks to your ass and how strangely good they make you feel. “No.” You replied. “No one’s ever fucked my ass.” You added for good measure, rolling your eyes.

“Good.” He hummed.

“Oh my!” You yelped as you felt his tongue nudge your cunt. Pressing inside he slowly fucked you with it. Your hands started shaking, you weren’t sure if you could hold on, his warm velvety tongue felt so good against your walls. Your vision became blurry as tears gathered in your eyes. Dropping on his pristine white sheets. You damn near lost it when he wrapped his mouth around your clit. Slightly pulling on it before harshly sucking on it. You sobbed so overwhelmed with pleasure. “Ransom!” You cried.

“What do you want sweetheart?” He cooed. His voice so dubiously sweet and caring.

“Just fuck me please.” You begged feeling as if your world was about to end, as if you were about to black out then and there as he suck on your bundle of nerves again, pushing his fingers in your cunt.

“What? I thought this was wrong?” He said with faux shock. “Why would you want someone who’s not your boyfriend to fuck you? You’re not making any sense honey.” He spit.

You pushed your head into the mattress, feeling him smirk against your pussy as he ate you out. You had never felt this good before. You had no idea how to handle it or what to do with it. You wondered just what was it about Ransom that made you putty in his hands.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” You shook your head against the soft bedding. “Please fuck me.” You pleaded at the end of your rope.

He stood up straight. Groping your ass, which was perched up to him, presented so perfecty with your back arched. “Well since you asked so nicely.” He groaned loudly sinking in your tight, wet heat. “How the fuck are you so tight?” He wondered bottoming out. “So damn wet.” He muttered rolling his hips, rubbing his balls against your clit.

“I...” You spoke as if to answer him but couldn’t finish your thought, his skin rubbing against your oversensitive clit in the best way. You whimpered as he pulled his cock, leaving just his tip inside you, making you feel so empty so suddenly. You cried as you he harshly pushed back into you. You felt his large palm push you further into the mattress. His big, hard cock fucking you hard.

He kept up a steady fast pace. Eliciting loud moans and mewls from you. “Does he fuck you this hard?” He asked fastening his pace.

You tried to shake your head, but you couldn’t because of his firm hold on your head. “No he doesn’t.” You were pretty sure that after tonight you’d be ruined for any other man.

He grunted his hips stuttering as he felt your walls quiver around his length. You were close and so was he. “That’s it. Cum on my cock.” He moaned as he felt you clench around him, milking his cock for all he’s got. He gave you a few harsh thrusts before he spilled deep inside you.

You felt everything else around you slip into an abyss. You had never had an orgasm so mind boggling. One that left you so delirious. You moaned hugging the comforted close to you as you felt him spill his warm spend inside you. Making your sensitive walls tingly. You clenched around his softening shaft to keep him inside you. So tired but already ready for another fuck.

He groaned as he felt you clench around him, he smacked your other cheek before pulling out of you. He spread your ass cheeks to see his creamy cum spill out of your swollen cunt. He pushed it back inside and chuckled as you mewled.

He hummed stopping his ministrations to toss your clothes back to you. “Get dressed.” He instructed before going around the bed lay back on his side. He felt you sit up beside him. He looked at you staring at him expectedly. “What did you think we were gonna cuddle?” He scoffed “Do you want him to find out?” He wanted to know.

You shook your head no. Which made...sad? No not sad. Why would it. He doesn’t give a shit who you date or fuck. Not as long as he gets what he wants from you. “Then leave before he finds out you’re gone. I don’t do the girlfriend thing.” He said shutting his eyes so he wouldn’t see your nude body or be tempted to take you again.

You hummed putting your tank and shorts on. “...bye then.” You said awkwardly and turned around to leave. You gasped when you felt him wrap a hand around your waist pulling you back to sit on the bed.

“Don’t think we’re done yet.” You shivered as he whispered in your ear. His body warm against your back. “You better be back here tomorrow. Or else.” He let go of you letting the threat linger in the air as you nodded and got up on shaky feet.

Yeah. He was far from done with you.

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Dividers by @whimsicalrogers

OwO I swear I didn't know back then that Chris' character in fierce people is also called Bryce. Who's somehow worse than Ransom and that's really something else.

Please note that my work is NOT to be reposted or published anywhere other than my Tumblr or AO3 account without my permission. Reblogs are most welcome though!

#shamelesshoesforchris #ransom drysdale x you #ransom drysdale x ofc #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale #ransom x reader #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x reader #steve rogers x reader

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justawritingblob · 3 years

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The fact that I'm in all of those fandoms you're writing 😃

Hello! I'll be known as the Sero Anon!

My yandere request for you is;

{Choose character} Sabo/Luffy/Sanji, or Hawks/Kirishima/Denki

[Plot]Reader is aware of their yandere tendecies and takes advantage of how much the yandere is in love until the yandere snaps

Luffy is an easy yandere to fall in line with.

it becomes really convenient really quick. He's not a very romantic person most of the time, so really it's just being the favorite crew mate at first. You don't have to help around the ship as much. You can sleep in later. You have final say on when your turn to keep watch is. A lot of the time you even end up sleeping in his captains' quarters with him, which is significantly more comfortable then the hammock you're used too.

Not to mention the extra food. You get all this, and all he wants is for you to sit on his lap sometimes and let him wrap his arms around you several time, or he'll wake you up at odd hours of the night just so he can talk to you when nobody else is around. Those can be kind of frustrating, but other times he just wants you to sit at his special spot with him. He has a need for you to be with him during his quiet moments, the rare ones that everyone is always fixated on.

The rest of the crew didn't really mind, they thought it was kind of funny for the most part. Robin would always give a knowing look, Zoro was definitely the most frustrated by it, but even he thought the captains blatant infactuation was fun. It wasn't like you weren't helpful, you just enjoyed the privileges you got. You were a pirate too after all, none of them were gonna blame you for acting like one.

So you couldn't help but be a bit surprised when Luffy decided for you that you were sharing a room now. It didn't change much, but him moving your stuff for you was unsettling. From there, you never really had any time away from your captain. And even when you were around other people, he didn't like when you payed attention to them. He wasn't violent to the crew, he'd just be louder, overwhelm you with him until the other person left, or until you gave in and gave him the attention he wanted.

Then he started waking you up more. Everytime he woke up, he'd wake you too. He couldn't stand being away from you for too long. You weren't really yourself, but the crew just worked around it. Sanji would give you an extra coffee, an extra strong coffee. They stop making as many jokes about being the captains favorite.

It was a rare occasion for you to wake up while Luffy was still asleep. You found yourself staring at his sleeping form. He was quiet. You were overwhelmed. You were tired. You realized you desperately wanted to leave, and to escape anywhere else but here. It wasn't worth it anymore, living like this wasn't worth how tired you were. How uncomfortable you were. How you felt more like a pet at this point then a favorite person.

But you couldn't leave. The Thousand Sunny was god only knows where. Surrounded by water. You were isolated with this man. Your captain. And the crew who loved each other, but him specifically more then anything. This was your life now.

Luffy stirred, and your stomach dropped.

But then he just turned away from you. You couldn't see his face or the rise and fall of his chest. It was the first time you could remember being awake and looking at anything else. The moment got to you. You slipped out of the bed, out of the room, and left.

You really didn't know where you were going as you wondered the dark and quiet halls. It was nice being alone. It was so much more tolerable being alone. You knew to avoid the crows nest, the deck really in general was to be avoided. You didn't know who was standing watch tonight, and unless it was Robin they'd probably try and chat.

You realized you were still tired, while you walked around the empty ship. The quiet made it easy.

You hadn't even realized how much you had really missed the quiet.

But good things don't last long for you, and much too soon for your liking, you heard a panicked yell.

Luffy was awake.

You didn't want to give up your isolation yet, you couldn't bear the thought of it. So thinking quickly, before everyone was up and looking, you ducked into a storage room and cuddled into a ball under some shelves. You pulled a crate in front of it to hide you for good measure.

You're so tired.

As you drift off to sleep you fantasize about the shelves crushing you, and it brings you more hope then any thought you'd had in a long time.

When you wake up the noise is louder. It's down the hall. Luffy's right outside, and you can feel the worry and anger and fear radiating off of him from where you were hidden.

"We'll find them. Nobody new has come on the ship, and for sure nobodies left. They probably just woke up and wanted a snack or something, then they fell asleep."

It was Robin. She was talking slow and soothing, probably trying to calm the worried teenager down.

"Yeah? Well they should've woken me up." He says it with a tone that makes you wish you'd stayed in bed with him.

You felt like it'd be better for everyone involved if you had been kidnapped or were being held hostage. Then this wouldn't be your fault. Then someone else would have to take the worst of his anger.

But there was nobody else. Just you.

The doors kicked open.

You feel like the panics gonna make you throw up.

"There's too many places to hide in here."

Usually it'd sound whiny, but it doesn't right now.

"Do you think they're hiding?"

"I think they need to be found."

You're sure this is it. You're so sure that you're about to be found. The confrontation is moments away, and you are in now way prepared for it. You don't have a good excuse. You don't know what else to do, so you go limp and pretend you're asleep.

"There's only a few places really for someone their size to fit comfortably in here. Shelves or the closet."

"Alright, well then go look under the shelves."

He's much more demanding then you ever realized.

You keep pretending you're asleep, so you're not sure when Robin's eyes find you. But they do. Then, the crate is being moved. You expect to be ripped out, to be shaken awake, for more yelling. You them to immediately try and "wake" you.

But they don't. Instead a wave of hands gently moves you out from where you were, into the light. You cant help but move to cover your face slightly. It's so bright, and it's what you'd do if you were actually sleeping too, right?

They still don't move to wake you, so you suppose it's gotta be working somewhat.

Then Luffy picks you up, and you know that you should say goodbye to any independence you'd had for a long time.

He's more careful then you'd expect though. He seems like he's really trying not to wake you. He carries you for such a long time. Then he drops you on the bed. Cruelly, suddenly. If you'd actually been asleep he would've absolutely woken you now.

"I know you're awake (y/n). I know what you look like when you're sleeping." He's always blunt, you have to remind yourself. But not like this, and you know that.

You should cut your losses. You know you should. So you make a move to sit up, but you're shoved back down.

"If you're tired then sleep."

You are tired. You're so tired. Why shouldn't you? it's not like staying awake will somehow make this all better. You're the closest to alone you can possibly be in your sleep. If he wants to tempt you, then you'll take him up on it.

When you wake up you're uncomfortable. That's not new. You usually wake up suffocating. Luffy's usually got his arms wrapped tightly around you when you wake up.

But not today. Right now your alone in the bed, with an uncomfortabley tight collar around your neck. It's connected to a chain leash, that's currently keeping you tethered to the bed. You only have enough room to take a few steps away from either side of the bed, and could only really stand at the edge.

You slowly brought your hands to your neck, and were uncomfortable when you couldn't find any sort of clasp, other then where the leash was attatched.

The humiliating realization that Franky probably made this while you were sleeping dawns on you, and you have to choke back a sob. You can't even join the rest of the crew for your own emotional support. You just get to sit on the bed, waiting for Luffy to get back.

Which he does. He seems happy when he gets back, like nothing's happened. He smiles at you even.

"Hi (y/n)! I missed you. But everyone else said I should let you sleep a little longer- said it'd make things easier.",

Of course they did. You appreciated the little of the gesture you could, but still couldn't bring yourself to respond. Luffy didn't really seem to mind, he just kept talking.

"Don't really know what happened this morning, you can explain later after you've eaten. Don't worry about it though!" he leaned forward and yanked the leash.

"We've got a bunch of these all over the ship now! so if I don't have you, I'll know for exactly where you are! So if it's not gonna happen again, no reason to still be upset about it, right?"

he's smiling again, like what he's said makes any sense at all.

You should probably nod along. You can force your head up and down once, but all of your energy is gone. You might as well make peace with your new life, you realize. You're never gonna be able to get out of this.

#yandere luffy x reader #sero anon #a lot longer then I meant #might come back and do Sabo for this too #tbh

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ziracona · 4 years

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Anytime I see the legion im picturing urs so now in a trial im like "fukn idiot loser babies" *pallet smacks*. Reading ur meta(is that the term??) on Julie just now I'm like. So mad for her!! Get them kids some therapy!! How could the adults in their lives let them get to such a shitty point.. >:( Also, another thought I had with Adiris. The buzzfeed video is more her holding a bunch of cats. Because the survivors are like herding cats. Chaos children they are (im looking at you meg.)

Hahdjsdk god what a mood. Every time I see an Anna I’m just like “!!! MOM?” And get a hatchet between the eyes rip. And yeah! Meta is right.

For real, for real. Julie and all the Legion kids had some real shit going on. Joey by far had the best home life and family, but even he had a bunch of struggles in school because his family didn’t have time or in many cases experience to help him study, and it was crowded and poor, and because he had no help most kids got, he got treated like he was stupider, and even when he had skills in other areas, everyone at school expected him to perform well at sports and not much else like that was fine & he was meant to be valuable exclusively as an athlete, when he much preferred and actually really liked things like shop and ceramics and building/making stuff. But most people treat trade classes like easy As dumb kids pick (back when shop was still a thing), and like it was a worthless skill, and like. That doesn’t sound as bad as like, being bounced through foster homes as Frank, but pain is relative, you know? Bad is just bad. And things grind on you. It was hard to be taught constantly he was only worth something as a skill he didn’t even really care about, and get treated like he was dumb just because he had less help built in to school than most kids there did. People don’t talk about this much but like, having parents or sibs who help with homework? It’s a huge factor. So is just having family who are college graduates (if you go to college), because first gen student means walking in blind & alone & accountable to no one but bills, and like, college is initially overwhelming with two parents with Masters who are helpful. Any time what you value about you and what you love doesn’t match up with what people who have more power than you tell you is valuable about you/should be your goal, it’s hard. Especially as a teen still trying to like hack out an identity. Overly enthusiastic and impulsive, and has been mocked and hurt and turned on for it, but can’t shut it off. Big heart, but the luck to stand up usually just in time to get laid flat again.

And then Susie, with the parents who don’t care for her or pay her much mind other than disappointed looks and an occasional snap or suggestion or urging to try something different that what she’s doing. Bullied for her sexuality, nervous, and in a small town in the late 90s, probably the only lesbian (at least that she’s aware of existing) in that entire like couple hundred people mountain town, and sort of unbearably alone and misunderstood and isolated feeling. God, feeling like there’s just no one like you are out there is one of the worst feelings, isn’t it? Buried in the things she knows people whisper about her and a thousand tiny microinteractions a day that drain her armor. Loves Julie, but is so isolated Julie is her entire world to an unhealthy, co-dependant, and worryingly usable/manipulatable and non-independent nature for Susie. Because she’s so desperate to keep her she’d do anything not to be alone. But the struggle to never be alone by chasing Julie’s shadow means there’s no time for Susie and her own hopes and dreams and choices and developing personhood. But the worst part is that she’s genuinely happy this way, trailing after the girl she loves, which makes it so hard for either of them to confront and stop even enough to just make it healthy again. But she’s built her whole identity on one person like a precarious janga tower that could fall any second if the wrong piece goes, and that can’t be sustained forever, and who is she when it does crumble?

Then you got Julie, hot, popular, ignored personality disorder, proud parents who want her to keep being ideal and their little princess, than can’t handle her as a teen when she’s not in the box they expected anymore and they can’t just live and be proud vicariously through her all the time. Hit puberty early & dated way too physically way too young with way too much older men. Hit on by teachers, by men three times her age in parking lots. Quickly taught it’s safer to say yes than no and sex and love are a battlefield where you use the other as a stepping stone & the trick is to manurver so you’re okay once it’s over and got something while it went on. Had fun being hot and physically developed young because she suddenly had admirers and people were nice, then realized way too late that it came with constantly being in danger and under pressure to keep performing sexiness, and there wasn’t a livable choice to back out and fail those expectations anymore & be okay in her social circles. Knows she’s not emotional or loving in the way her loved ones are distressed about it, but can’t tell why, and gives up trying to ‘fix it’ and just pretends she doesn’t care and leans into being the sexy bitch and the power that comes with it. Doesn’t even know who she is herself beneath any of the ways she lives anymore, maybe she just is the act, maybe that’s fine. Trusts no one and that’s fine it’s just smart. Caught between liking the power of sex and intelligence and coldness, and the emptiness of not really being somebody. Needs to be loved and idolised and eternally aware how much people would hate her for that if they knew it was the truth, so she just keeps it to herself and makes herself someone they have no choice but to love and adore, so it’ll all be okay. Caught between worried she is cold and unfeeling and selfish and proud, and liking the power that goes with that, and the lack of desire to change, and the fear she doesn’t know how to do it. So she mostly just doesn’t think about any of the turmoil anymore and lives Julie instead of being her.

Then you got Frank, tossed around a myriad of foster homes, stolen by the government from the only one he ever was loved in over race, abused in every way foster parents have learned to abuse the kids they were supposed to love, and convinced since he was a kid that he’s a bad seed and a monster at heart, until he leaned into the violence of that to protect himself when no one else did. Harsh and strong and a fighter, a survivor, lonely and a loner, too much past, no future, not much present. Angry, god, so angry, and nothing to do with it. No skills, or money, or future, or any of it. No love, no family. Just the things he taught himself to survive. Just a good liar, a good fighter, adaptable, fast, tactical, enduring. Knows how to pick locks and lift wallets and hoard food that is least likely to be noticed. How to vanish, how to look real scary and real big, how to get stabbed and get back up, and take a fall, and bide his time. How to find north. Which makes for a good what? A thug, a conman, a drug runner, a loan shark or a hitter or a bouncer maybe? A guard, a killer, a thief? No love, no ties, no one. And only a borrowed, angry, violent sense of self, and all the other versions that didn’t live to adulthood but aren’t quiet dead yet buried beneath it.

God, the opening line to the original lore for Darkness Among Us really was beautiful and memorable. The kind of first line you hope for. “Frank Morrison was ninteen, and had little to show for it.” Like, fuck. It’s so understated, and common, and painfully mundane, but that’s it, that’s his whole life. And how fucking painful that is. To be the end of teenagehood, stepping into adult life alone, and be able to be summed up in just eleven words, as a marker of your lived timespan up to now, and the annotation that you from all of it have gained almost nothing that could be worth any note. I fucking love that line. God. It’s so empty, and cruelly mundane and undramatic and unimportantly scored and marked, like it doesn’t even matter that he’s down nearly two decades of life with nothing worth taking into the next two.

Lord, all the Legion kids really do need help, and therapy, and like, one decent parental figure. Thank god for Jeff. He really is out here doing the real work. Love that man. TuT

And you’re right w Adiris lol. 🤣 It’s a mix of cats and dogs, magbe even. Some of them aren’t trouble, but oh, oh some most definitely are. Side note: I fkn just reallly love cats. Poor Adiris out here tryin her best, and I’m sure she does too.

#ask #anonymous #in living memory (fic)#in living memory #dead by daylight

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ohjohnno · 4 years

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Outrageous Fortune Reviewcap: S1E09 (”When The Blood Burns”)

I’ve been demurring on this one, partly because of real life shit (well, mostly that to be honest) but also because this episode isn’t all that good. It’s an episode entirely centering around Antony Starr’s characters, and I sure hope they paid him double, cos the range he needed for it was tremendous. But, unfortunately, one of those characters (Van) just isn’t all that interesting yet, and the other (Jethro) is ill-served by one of the dumbest and most unfortunate sideplots the show has yet had. So, without further ado, we’ll get this one out of the way, and I’ll try and keep it short.

We open with a dual appearance from the two most irritating characters in the show: Tracy and Suzy Hong, their differences now thoroughly mended and united in enjoying themselves by tormenting Van.

Yeah, it’s as insufferable as it looks. An incensed Van finally snaps and threatens to quit; Mr. Hong overhears, but Van finally manages to stand up for himself and it pays off: Mr. Hong makes him manager of one of his local little stores, which seems to sell mostly cheap novelty junk. I’m not entirely sure why he does this, honestly, but it’s a mildly important character moment for Van, so okay, I guess?

Meanwhile, in the West household, things are getting a little crazy.

Cheryl and Kacey are promoting their new underwear business with a sorta quasi-striptease party, hosted by and for middle-aged women. It’s one of the aspects of the episode I like best, not because the women are sexy but more because they really aren’t; they’re a bunch of trashy fortysomething women, reminding the world that it isn’t just model-type people who like having sex, or who know how to have fun with it. Kacey makes this explicit with a little barb at the morbidly fascinated Pascalle, telling her they didn’t offer to use her as a model because they wanted to use “real women”, which is a nice reminder that toxic standards of femininity cut cruelly in both directions. So, yeah, good segment - made all the better by the horror of the younger girls who’ve been dragged along.

Van returns, utterly nonplussed at the scene before him, and they all retreat to the bedroom. Antony Starr’s comic acting here is great, actually - he follows the others to the room and finds them using his drugs with an indignant and confused response of “well... don’t!”, and it makes me laugh every time. Draska expresses some clear interest in him, which he once again ignores, as usual. The next scene is where the plot properly begins.

The gist of it is this: the Hongs’ local store has their goods transported from warehouse to shelf by Draska’s clan, the Doslics. Van discovers that there’s a discrepancy between the number of trading cards he was meant to be shipped and the number he actually received; he goes and politely asks the Doslics about it, and they do not take that well.

I come from good people - HONEST people! Made strong by our troubles!

Naturally, they think he’s accusing them of thievery. Naturally, this makes Van pretty sure they really are committing thievery, and a raging Mr. Hong agrees. The two proceed to keep escalating tensions, and the rest of the Wests get caught in the crossfire; mama Doslic gets into a fight with Cheryl in a supermarket car park, Pascalle finds her old tyre-modelling photos all defaced with violent graffiti, and it’s all mildly funny but also kinda dull. Eventually, it turns out that Van’s mate Munter has been stealing the cards from the warehouse all along, using the keys Van gave him for safekeeping. This is not the last time Van will find himself victimized by the consequences of his own actions.

I’m blasting through *a lot* of this plot here really quickly, and that’s cos it just isn’t very interesting for the most part. It’s trying to be a farce, mostly, and it sometimes succeeds; Van’s initial confrontation with the Doslics is really quite funny, and his steadily increasing panic as the situation just goes more and more wrong isn’t bad either. But it’s all a bit too by-the-numbers and predictable, and in the end none of the stakes feel real; we all know that in an episode like this, the Hongs and the Doslics were never really gonna properly come to blows, and they don’t. Van confesses a lot of stuff to Draska in a couple of secret meetings, and while he’s initially paranoid about her loyalty, she proves herself by finding a way to fix the issue; she places all the blame for the break-ins on Eric (who was selling the stolen cards anyway, after buying them from Munter) and the two families come together to absolutely motherfucking whoop the guy’s ass, leaving him looking rather worse for wear.

...next thing I know I’m getting the shit kicked out of me by half the West Auckland United Nations!

If I have a favorite moment in this plot, it’s probably near the beginning, when the elder Doslic is first bringing in what he believes to be the full shipment of cards. He’s ranting and raving, the whole time he does it, about how much he just damn well hates the “chinks” and their terrible language skills, not to mention their driving - all while speaking in a heavy Croatian accent himself and also, oh yeah, taking their money. This show really does get quite a lot of comedy out of the idea that solidarity between marginalized groups really just doesn’t exist.

The rest of it, though? I mean, it does contain a couple of important moments, I guess. Van, after initially lying to protect Munter and only making everything worse, is genuinely willing to offer himself up, blame himself entirely, and essentially sacrifice himself in order to save everyone’s hides, and only doesn’t end up doing it because Draska fixes it all before he has to. That’s a nice reminder that Van, at his core, really is a genuinely good person, and that his internal conflict as a character all comes from the tension between that and the toxic masculinity he’s had indoctrinated deep within him by his father and the culture he’s grown up in. Cheryl demonstrates where her loyalties lie and takes Van’s side without a second’s hesitation after mama Doslic shows up with complaints; for all her problems with Van, she really does love him unconditionally. But there’s also too much stuff that doesn’t come off, like Van’s boring interactions with a mildly delinquent kid who likes the trading cards, or Tracy’s ever-one-dimensional mistreatment of Van.

Still, at least it’s better than Jethro’s plot.

Remember how Tracy knows now about Jethro’s little rape-by-deception thing a few episodes ago? Well, she still doesn’t seem to be thinking of it as rape, but she is trying to get him to apologize for it nonetheless. Jethro, meanwhile, wants to root her again, and he knows he can’t do that without apologizing. So Jethro’s plot this episode is several scenes in a row of him miserably failing to pull off a convincing apology, and... that’s it, really. Hugh’s back, being annoying as usual (though it’s intentional enough that it doesn’t bother me too much), and Loretta briefly shows up to mock him for how bad he is at apologizing (talk about the pot calling the kettle black!), but for the most part this is all really redundant and dull. The only interesting part comes in Loretta’s video shack, where Jethro straight up lies to Caroline’s face, right in front of Loretta, in order to make himself some free time to go and keep trying it with Tracy. Loretta, of course, is too sociopathic to feel sorry for her, and we all knew a couple of episodes ago that Jethro wasn’t gonna be able to maintain it with her as a regular relationship, but the beginnings of heartbreak on Caroline’s face as she begins to get an inkling, in her subconscious, of what’s going on is genuinely sad.

But the ending of this plot? It’s awful, and in a really unfortunate way. In the end, see, it turns out Tracy never really wanted an apology; she likes Jethro, doesn’t really care about the fact that he deceived her in such an intimate way, and wants it with him again. She decides he’s ready when... he just refuses to apologize one time, admitting he isn’t sorry because (and this is possibly the worst line of dialogue in the whole show, so brace yourselves): “why would I be, when it was the best fuck I’ve ever had?”

Eugh.

So they start having an affair, and that’ll stay important. Meanwhile, Van’s plot ends similarly, in the superficial respect: Draska finally convinces him to have sex with her, as a celebration for the two of them getting out of that little escapade with everything intact, and it’s also the start of a relationship. Her toxicity, of course, has been evident the whole time from her unhealthy fixation on him, but if she demonstrated anything in this episode it was her intelligence and resourcefulness, so one suspects bad things on the horizon for Van. Nothing much happens with the rest of the characters - Loretta doesn’t do much other than the aforementioned mockery of Jethro and some mildly funny jabs at Pascalle’s choice of career, and Pascalle doesn’t do much other than get all horrified by what’s been done to her poster. On the whole, then, this is a disappointing episode, and maybe the worst one so far. Van will get good, I promise - the potential is all there already. But we’ve still gotta wait for now. Until next time.

#Antonia Prebble #Siobhan Marshall #antony starr #Robyn Malcolm #grant bowler #television #outrageous fortune #Frank Whitten #rachel lang #Gutter Black #nz

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megalony · 5 years

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Baby of mine- Part 2

The second part to my latest Ben Hardy series which I hope everyone will like.

Taglist: @marshmallowmae @langdonzvoid @butlegendsneverdie @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @caborhapch

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you going to keep walking around ignoring me?" There was a clear sigh at the end of Ben's words as his sorrowful eyes followed (Y/n) around the kitchen as she busied herself making something to eat for breakfast.

Her eyes finally diverting to the left so she could look at him, seeing how he was leaning against the doorframe, not looking his best. There were dark blue and purple circles beneath his eyes which looked rather spaced clearly showing he had disappeared for a drink last night. He looked like he needed sleep and there was redness around his eyes that showed he had shed more tears than he was letting on. His words weren't snapping at her like they were yesterday like a crocodile's jaw but they showed he was too tired to start shouting or properly arguing with her. They lived together, they couldn't keep ignoring each other and walking around like the other didn't exist.

"What do you want me to do Ben? You drop that bombshell on me and then fuck off all night, coming back bladdered. I'm not going to be best pleased am I?" (Y/n) didn't care that Ben felt he needed to drown his sorrows, she cared that he just stormed off almost all night and came back early morning. She didn't know where he had gone or if he was alright and in his state after what he had said that was very worrying.

"We live together (Y/n), I don't want to walk around the house acting like you don't exist and vice versa. Can we talk? I want to explain my past so you can see why having a baby is so hard for me to say yes to."

There was something in his words that both gave (Y/n) a rush of hope and then crushed that hope immediately. Ben didn't say that he was always going to turn her down for a baby but the way he spoke showed he didn't think his mind would be changed. But they were engaged, they were wanting to take that next step to be together and (Y/n) was not throwing that away just yet. Ben deserved to tell his story and to be listened to and (Y/n) needed to understand so that they could work things out.

Sighing (Y/n) closed her eyes as she nodded, moving to sit at one of the stools at the island in the middle of the kitchen. Opening her eyes as Ben moved to sit down opposite her, watching as she started to eat her breakfast. His head turning a little at the smell that made the alcohol in his stomach churn.

"I met Cora when I was nineteen, we were together for just less than two years when she got pregnant. I wanted kids then, I felt the way you do now it was a big thing for me." (Y/n) had met Cora once and she couldn't find any faults with her at all which had made it worse at the time when she saw how close she was to Ben. Ben said from the start that Cora meant a lot to him even though they had split they were on very good terms. They were like best friends and Ben didn't want (Y/n) to feel uncomfortable about that. He could see she was just a little but she never said anything which he was so thankful for that she was coming to terms with his friendship with his ex.

(Y/n) didn't know many people who were friends with their exes, especially not like Ben. Now she was beginning to realise the reason why.

"Everything seemed fine back then... we were both twenty-one when she had the baby. Cora had a few health scares and stuff but nothing too bad." One of the things Ben liked about then being young when they were together was that some of the friends back then he didn't have much contact with now. Ben didn't have any risk of those friends spilling the news that he had once been a father because it was private, something Ben hated to share with others. The friends who knew back then had promised they wouldn't say because they saw how it tore both ben and Cora up.

Reaching across the counter (Y/n) took Ben's hand in her own, a neutral look on her face as she silently conveyed her message that he didn't have to carry on if he didn't want to.

"We had a boy, Tommy. He was perfect (Y/n)... he had blue eyes like the sea, he had a little button nose, he fit perfectly in the crook of my arm. My little boy." Bowing his head down to face the counter Ben rubbed at his eyes with his free hand. Trying desperately to stop the waterworks, it had been seven years and Ben still shed thousands of tears when he even thought of his boy, let alone talked about him. "He died when he was three weeks old."

Closing his eyes Ben leaned his head on his right hand, his eyes showing pure pain and exhaustion as he felt a migraine coming on. Just the thought of that time in his life sent Ben reeling and made him feel like he was going to blackout. He had been given a glimpse of fatherhood and then had it cruelly snatched away from him. Ben wasn't going to have that happen again.

(Y/n) didn't know what to say.

She had never met anyone who had lost a child like that before, she only had one friend who had a miscarriage and was so much different to this. There was nothing that came to mind for her to say or anything that she could do to try and comfort Ben right now. She was at a loss of what to do.

"It made it so much fucking worse that there was no reason for him to die. 'Cot death' they call it. There's no reason for it, just bloody happens." Ben would feel a sense of closure or at least something different if there was a reason for Tommy to pass. Such as if he had some kind of illness or disease that couldn't be treated. But for him to just pass away in his sleep for no reason at all sent Ben up the wall. There was no reason for nature to just pick out children at random and not give a reason, nature didn't have to take Tommy because he wasn't ill, he hadn't done anything wrong.

"He would have been seven?" (Y/n) wasn't sure if it was a statement or a question that slipped past her lips without her thinking. She didn't know what else to say.

What could you say to someone who lost their child?

It wasn't as if she could tell Ben that things would get better because he had had seven years to test out that theory and prove it right or wrong. Time must have done something for him because Ben never gave away any indication that he had a child before. Now that (Y/n) thought about it there were only a few times she noticed something really wrong with Ben and that was the same time of year since she had met him. He got so quiet and frustrated too easily, then disappeared for one day saying he had to be alone. He seemed to be better after that and then it happened again, now (Y/n) was wondering if that was Tommy's birthday.

"Yeah... I... I tried to save him. I did CPR b-but he was gone."

"You found him." (Y/n) muttered quietly, her whole face falling as things seemed to slot into place.

Ben had been the one to try and revive his son but his efforts had been in vain. He couldn't go through the process of having another baby to then find they had passed away in their sleep for no reason whatsoever. He couldn't try and revive another baby to find that it had done nothing. The safest option to stop the heartache was to not have children. Ben had had a baby and he had buried him within a month, going through the pain and the fear may be worth it in the end but Ben wasn't taking the risk.

He didn't have the same yearning to have a child like he did before, the want and need for a baby had died with Tommy and Ben was perfectly fine with that.

"I was meant to be watching him... got up to feed him a- and he was just... gone. Me and Cora stayed together for a few months afterwards but it was too hard. There's nothing to say anymore, something was missing, we weren't us anymore. That's why Cora means so much to me. She gave me Tommy, we went through so much together and I love her. I love her differently to how I love you if that makes sense. She's always going to be a part of my life, just not like that."

Ben and Cora had lost a child, they had brought that life into the world and ultimately lost it too. There was no way Ben could ever cut her out of his life even when they decided that things could no longer work between them. It had been mutual, being together felt wrong, they both knew that Tommy was the missing piece that they needed to work. Being friends was much easier on the both of them, their relationship was a closed chapter in their lives but they weren't shutting the other out. Cora meant everything to Ben because he couldn't stop loving her, his feelings for her changed but not for the worse.

"I understand, I think it's really civil to stay as close as you are." A lot of couples wouldn't have split on such good terms, nor would they have stayed as close as Ben and Cora seemed to have.

"We didn't fall out of love, the love just changed." Ben could never say that he didn't love Cora anymore because they had gone through too much together and they didn't want to split up. But it had been for the best, they were at rock bottom and they couldn't help themselves and pick the other up at the same time. What they felt changed to a love for a friend rather than a partner and they agreed it was and still is for the best. They could never get past that point as a couple.

"What happened after you split?"

"Cora went back to her parents for a while... I just turned to drink. Don't look at me like that, I'm not an alcoholic I swear. Drinking just numbed everything, I didn't rely on it I just abused it a little too much. Mick helped me with that, I got councilling and got better." Ben wasn't an alcoholic, he hadn't taken to drink at all hours of the day and night, he didn't depend on alcohol to make things better and he wasn't addicted to drinking. He simply abused how much it could numb the pain. When things got too bad Ben went for a drink which turned into about five or six, but when Mick found out he stopped that. He helped show Ben that everything didn't stop because Tommy passed.

Councilling showed Ben that his guilt and his pain and everything in between was normal and helped him learn to deal with that and show him a way to move on with his life.

"A-are you, afraid of having a baby?" (Y/n) couldn't help but ask. Ben seemed so cautious about the subject, he was adamant he couldn't have a child with her and (Y/n) couldn't help but wonder if that was because he was afraid or just that he didn't want another baby.

"(Y/n)... I admit I would be petrified of seeing our baby in a cot because of Tommy but that's not why I'm saying no." Ben didn't know if he would ever get that image out of his mind. To lean down to pick his son up to realise he was stone cold and not breathing had scarred Ben for the rest of his life. "If things with Tommy had been different I would have no problems having a baby with you, believe me. But a baby isn't what I want now, sweetheart. I lost my boy and I don't feel that yearning to have another child anymore, another baby feels like I'm replacing him and it doesn't make me excited. Tommy is enough for me and I am so sorry that I can't see this differently."

Ben wasn't frightened to have another baby, he would be frightened if they did but that wasn't why he kept denying the request. Ben wasn't excited when he thought about starting another family like he had been with Cora. There was nothing in Ben saying he wanted a baby, he felt perfectly fine with the way they were now. Tommy was Ben's son and he didn't feel any more children would help or be something he wanted. It was that simple.

"Sweetheart, how do you feel when you think about a baby?" Ben finally looked up to meet (Y/n)'s watering eyes as she took a moment to think about her answer.

"Happy... full of energy, I feel desperate, like it's one of those things you see and just need to have." The thought of a baby made (Y/n) feel like she was a child that had seen the perfect toy that they wanted in a shop. She saw a family in her future and it made her all giddy inside, a baby was what she had wanted, someone to love and care for. Someone to nurture and bring up and Ben was the person she wanted to do that with.

"You get a rush of adrenaline, don't you?" Her head nodded to his question, confirming her suspicions that he once had felt the way that she did now. "I don't get that. You bring up a baby and I think, why? I think that I'm happy just you and me, a baby doesn't make me feel happy but it doesn't make me feel sad either. It's one of those things in life that I don't care for anymore, it's something I can live perfectly fine without."

There was no other way for Ben to word it other than he didn't want a baby anymore. He lost his son and that was it, Ben wasn't ready to have another baby and his mind was set that he didn't want children full stop. Ben didn't want to lose (Y/n) but at the same time, he didn't want to add to their numbers either. "And you'll always feel like this? You wanted a baby before and you don't now, who's to say you won't want one in the future?" If Ben could change his mind before (Y/n) didn't see why that couldn't happen again. She didn't want to throw away what they had because it was something she had never felt before and probably would never feel again. But at the same time did she want to be with Ben if she couldn't have a family with him? What was the right thing to do if they both felt like this?

Standing to his feet Ben let go of her hand to round her side of the kitchen island, his hands moving to cup her face. Thumbs gently brushing away the river of tears as he kneeled down to be level with her.

"I might change my mind in the future, but right now my mind is made up. I have a child sweetheart, one I can never see and that is my heart done. My heart can't take any more pain nor can it expand for anyone else." Ben couldn't predict the future, he couldn't tell her that in five years time he would still be set in his ways that he didn't want a baby. All he could say for definite was that for now and the foreseeable future Ben's heart wasn't allowing their family to go from two to three. "I don't want a baby."

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben x reader #dad! ben #imagine #baby of mine

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eviesmyspiritanimal · 5 years

Text

Girl’s Trip Part 9

Summary: Evie, Mal, Uma, Audrey, and Jane go on a road trip to the beach for a three-day weekend. Evie’s driving and has road rage, Uma constantly pesters Audrey, Mal thinks it’s all kind of funny, and Jane’s wide-eyed and lovably clueless as usual. Friendship and family feels.

Jane took the phone to start dialing the number. She sighed heavily, dreading deeply the conversation that was about to follow her call.

“Here goes nothing,” she murmured under her breath before pressing the numbers and tapping call.

It rang for a few moments, and to Jane’s chagrin, the person on the other end answered.

“Hello? Fairy Godmother’s office, how might I help you today?” Fairy Godmother questioned and Jane took in a breath to speak.

“Hi, Mom…”

“Jane! Hi, sweetie, are you at the beach house? Tell me, have you seen any dolphins? And is dear Uma behaving herself with Audrey?” her mother bombarded her with questions. Jane cleared her throat nervously, preparing to finally drop the bomb.

“Well… We didn’t exactly make it to the beach house,” Jane told her.

“What do you mean? Are you broken down on the side of the road? Jane, dear, don’t unlock the doors in case of unsavory characters,” Fairy Godmother instructed, and Jane sighed.

“We got pulled over by the police,” Jane started, and her mother gasped.

“Is Evie driving like a nutcase again?! Goodness, I know we should’ve let Jay teach her how to drive instead of Mal.”

“She got pulled over for speeding… And we’re kind of sort of in,” Jane trailed off, glancing around the whole place, “jail…”

“Bibbidi bobbidi, you’re where?!” Fairy Godmother nearly deafened Jane’s right ear. The blue-eyed girl winced, holding the phone out from her ear in the midst of her mother’s screeching.

“Mom, they think we stole stuff from this gas station, and they’ve brought us in for questioning,” Jane explained desperately, knowing that her mother was already past the point of no return as soon as the word jail passed her lips.

“WHAT!” Fairy Godmother cried out. “I can’t believe they’d do this! Did you tell them who you were?”

“Yeah, and Mal and Audrey did, too. They didn’t believe us… I really thought that they would’ve recognized Audrey, though.”

“Which police station are you at and what’s the name of the officer that brought you in?” Fairy Godmother suddenly questioned suspiciously.

“We’re in Cinderellasburg. And his name is Barney, I think,” Jane told her. Her mother immediately groaned at the name.

“That explains it. Ooh!” Fairy Godmother angrily exclaimed. “That nincompoop! He always used to arrest people before he found all the proof! I guess he’s still in the habit of it.”

“Can you get Ben and everybody and bring them here to fix this? This stupid police station is keeping us in this holding cell so we don’t run away while they’re getting ready to question us,” Jane informed her, hoping to keep her mother from the rant that was sure to follow.

“Of course, dear, we’ll be right there,” Fairy Godmother assured her.

They exchanged a few final words and Jane finally hung up.

“’Bout time you were done!” Barney cried out, handcuffing her and pulling her along back to the holding cell.

Jane complied without a protest and soon she was back in the exact same position that she was when she had first mentioned making a call. Barney unlocked her handcuffs and set her free inside the cell with the other four.

Mal immediately stood up and strode over to her, taking her hands.

“Who did you call?” Mal asked, and Jane sighed.

“I called Mom, and she’s bringing everybody to come and undo this mess,” Jane told her. Mal nodded, squeezing her hands fondly and moving over to the bars to lean back against them casually.

However, just as she did, a policeman brought in a man through the halls, taking him to another lockdown area. Mal glanced behind her and looked away in boredom.

As the man moved down the hall toward them, he looked up and spotted Audrey standing there. He suddenly got a big, wolfish grin on his face as he unashamedly looked her up and down.

Evie couldn’t help but immediately feel sorry for Audrey, knowing how it felt to be leered at like that.

“Hey, there, baby!” Audrey shifted her gaze to him, and her eyes widened at the sight of the disgusting man. She took a step back in disgust.

“How about you shoot me your number and we can have some fun after our time in the pen, just you and me?” he asked her, and Uma grinned at the look on Audrey’s face at the very implication of that statement.

“I have a boyfriend!” Audrey proclaimed angrily.

“What about a manfriend, hottie?” the guy flirted, and Audrey turned her back to him. He wolf-whistled and Audrey quickly turned back to face him, completely offended by his behavior.

He just chuckled at her expression as the cop shoved him past their cell.

Uma walked up to the bars and watched until he was out of sight. As soon as he was gone, she turned to the pink princess with a big grin.

“So, hottie, you gonna get you a manfriend?” Uma asked with a cackle and Audrey growled in response.

“Jay’s all the man I need,” Audrey ground out, still creeped out by the man.

“Really? ‘Cuz that guy didn’t seem to think so,” Uma pointed out with a wicked smile.

“How would you feel if it was you that he asked?” Audrey asked.

“I’d punch him in the face so hard that he’d have to run his toothbrush up his rear end just to brush his teeth every night,” Uma laughed, and Mal raised an eyebrow, impressed.

“Wow… You go, girl,” Mal expressed with a thumbs-up.

“Well… Well, I’d slap his face so hard that it left a mark!” Audrey announced, trying to top Uma’s comment.

“Sit down before you hurt yourself,” Uma pointed at the bench. Audrey just huffed in response as Evie stood up and joined Mal nearby the bars of the cell.

Mal smiled at her sweetly and Evie gladly returned it with one of her own.

“How long do you think we’ll be here before the boys come?” Evie asked. Mal shrugged, not really having a particularly good answer to that.

“I really don’t know. Hopefully soon. I’m getting sick of being in the slammer,” Mal told her with a slight laugh. Evie nodded in agreeance.

There were a few beats of silence and Audrey suddenly spoke.

“I have to pee.”

“Dang, what is with you and bodily fluids?!” Uma questioned disgustedly.

“I don’t know, I just have to pee,” Audrey told her. “Where am I going to go?”

Mal glanced around the room and her gaze homed in on a particular item in the cell.

“Thorn, your deluxe latrine is awaiting you in the corner,” Mal told her. Audrey looked where Mal had mentioned, and she nearly turned inside out at the mere sight of the toilet that was sitting there.

Audrey hesitantly approached it, and was very thankful when she saw that it wasn’t clogged like the toilet at the Jify-Journey. However, there was a serious privacy issue and if absolutely anyone walked through that door, they’d see her.

But she guessed that a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do. There was no other toilets and her only option was to go right in front of everyone.

Audrey swallowed hard, trying to collect all of her nerve before even attempting to use it. It was so hard for her to let go of her accustomedness to nice, clean commodities.

“Okay, you guys all turn around and keep an eye out for anybody that might come in,” Audrey instructed with a deep sigh, and Evie and Mal easily complied, facing the door to provide a barrier between Audrey and any intruders.

Jane joined them and Uma slowly turned around as well.

The four of them stood along the cell’s bars as they kept Audrey covered from view.

Uma raised an eyebrow as she glanced at the other three with a wicked smile. Mal returned her look, wondering what she had planned.

“Hey, Officer,” Uma suddenly spoke to the empty hall. Mal held back the urge to laugh.

“What’re you girls doing?” Evie surprisingly spoke up in a surprisingly good impression of Barney. When Mal looked at her in questioning, the corners of her lips curved up in a mischievous smile. Evie and Uma kept their face positioned forward so Audrey couldn’t see that it was them talking.

Because they were standing in front of the bars, Audrey also couldn’t see that there was no one in the hall at all.

“Oh, nothing. One of us is just taking a whiz. She won’t be long,” Uma couldn’t keep up the act and she laughed. The other girls quickly joined in, enjoying Uma’s joke.

“My gosh, I seriously thought he was coming! You guys are mean!” Audrey cried out in frustration.

They were quieted for a little while save for the occasional chuckle until Audrey spoke up.

“What am I supposed to wipe with?”

“There’s two options here. You either shake it off, or you wipe with your sleeve. Since you aren’t wearing long sleeves, I reckon it’s gonna be your arm,” Uma cruelly explained, and Audrey cried out in horror.

Mal tried to avoid finding humor in it, but she inevitably snorted at Uma’s assessment. However, Evie and Jane looked severely grossed out.

“You are disgusting!”

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artificialqueens · 5 years

Text

Forever (Ex-Scyvie) - Imposterzoe

AN: Scyvie angst anyone?

Scarlet knocked on the door. It was 3 in the morning. But she couldn't make herself move.

She needed to see Yvie. She remembered a time just like this, so long ago. Before she ruined everything.

[...]

Yvie answered the door a coy smile on her face.

"Why are you at my door at three a.m. Scarlet?" She purred.

Scarlet blushed. "I needed to see you. Did I wake you?"

Yvie shook her head, leaning against the doorframe.

"Nah. I was binge-watching Project Runway. Why did you need to see me?"

Scarlet swallowed thickly. It was now or never. "This is why."

Then she grabbed the front if Yvie's shirt and pulled her down to meet her lips.

Yvie had kissed her back, tucking a stray lock of Scarlet's hair behind her ear.

Yvie pulled her into the apartment and so began what Scarlet had thought was forever.

[...]

She knocked again, desperation radiating off of her. She would stand there all night if she needed to.

Thankfully she didn't.

Yvie slid the door open. She didn't even look surprised to see her ex at her door. Her eyes just seemed to get more tired as she forced an annoyed look.

"What do you want, Scarlet?"

Not coy and flirty like it used to be. Not angry like it should be. Just tired.

Scarlet dropped her eyes, fighting tears. "I had to talk to you."

Yvie grabbed Scarlet's face and pulled it up.

"Don't do that. You don't get to cry. You don't get to be the one that's hurting. Not after what you did. Now say what you have to say or get away from my door."

Scarlet couldn't help dropping her eyes again.

"You're right. You were always right. I just… I'm sorry" Scarlet takes a step back, running hands through her hair.

"That's why you're at my door at 3 A.M? To say you're fucking sorry?" The anger's there now. Scarlet knows she deserves it.

"No. I wanted to tell you…." she trails off again, her cheeks flushing slightly.

"Tell me what?!" Yvie snaps.

Scarlet can't help it. Hot tears start to fall from her eyes. And words from a broken heart flow from her mouth.

"I wanted to tell you I got it. I woke up and I got it. My heart broke and I couldn't breathe because I finally fucking got it. I did the most stupid thing ever. I lost you. I was fucking stupid and ungrateful and I lost you because of it. And the day I realized that, it hurt me so much because it was too late." She throws her hands over face, small sobs shaking her body. "I didn't realize I loved you so much until it was too fucking late!"

Yvie leans against the doorframe, a tear of her own trailing down her cheek.

"It is too late," she whispers, "You ruined us."

[...]

Yvie threw herself into the bouncing crowd. Why her and Scarlet agreed to go clubbing with Vanjie, A'keria, Silky, and Soju, she had no idea.

She blamed Scarlet.

Or she would if she could find her! Yvie forced her way through the crowd, fear evident on her face as she searched every face.

This wasn't the nicest crowd and Yvie couldn't help but think that Scarlet might've gotten hurt.

She ran into her friends. (Literally, she bounced off Silky)

"Have you seen Scarlet?" She yelled over the noise.

Vanjie nodded and beckoned Yvie closer. Pulling her ear down she whispered, "Her and Soju went out back to get some air."

Yvie barely gives a smile in thanks before she's back to fighting her way through the crowd. She grabs her stuff on the way, wanting to get out of here as soon as she had Scarlet in her arms.

She makes it to the door, throwing herself out. Her eyes darted around, desperate for a glimpse of her girlfriend.

There were smokers, a lesbian couple making out next to the dumpster, a small group of people who, judging by the sounds, were drunk beyond belief.

Yvie found her attention back on the couple. It was weird but something told her to go over there.

She crept to the other side of the dumpster and just as she was about to go over to ask about her girlfriend, her searching was put to a stop.

One of the girls had thrown her head back as the other girl kissed her neck.

"Fuck, Soju. That feels so good!" Scarlet squeaked.

Soju moved raised her head and threw her arms around Scarlet's shoulders.

"That's not the only way I can make you feel good." She purrs and Yvie feels sick to her stomach. That's what she always said to Scarlet.

She always suspected Soju had a thing for Scarlet but she never thought Scarlet would cheat on her.

Scarlet starts to moan and Yvie glances back over to see Soju's hand up her dress.

Yvie can't stand it anymore. She runs down the alley and calls an Uber.

By the time Scarlet gets home with messed up hair and a hickey on her neck, Yvie had her stuff packed.

"Get the fuck outta my apartment!" She had screamed as soon as Scarlet walked in, throwing the case of her stuff at her.

"Yvie, what?" She looked confused and that pissed Yvie off more.

"I saw you with Soju. Glad you had fun! Glad I meant so much to you! Now get out of here!" She screamed, too angry to care about the tears falling down her cheeks.

All the color rushed from Scarlet's face then back again.

"Yvie, I'm sorry! We can talk about this! Please don't make me leave!"

Yvie laughed cruelly. "I don't think I ever want to talk to you again. I loved you Scar. And I'm telling you one last time. Get out. Don't come back."

Scarlet literally stamped her foot in anger.

"I don't wanna leave you! I love you!"

Yvie dodged for forward, shoving Scarlet toward the door. "I don't care what you want! You wanted to fuck Soju in an alley! So don't say you love me! If that's what you do to people you love…" Yvie sobbed in the middle of her sentence.

Scarlet wrapped her arms around Yvie, attempting to comfort her.

"Get offa me! Get out!" Yvie shoved Scarlet again, sobbing harder.

"That's why Soju's a better lover than you'll ever be!" She screamed, her anger and pain taking over her mouth.

She scooped up her stuff and ran from the apartment as Yvie screamed, "Fuck you!"

The door slammed and Scarlet kept running.

Yvie slammed the door and sat against it. She curled into a ball and sobbed for hours.

It would take Scarlet exactly 2 months, 16 days, and 12 minutes to realize how badly she screwed up.

To realize she let go of her forever.

[...]

Scarlet swiped at her eyes, sniffing softly.

"Why did you do it? Why destroy us like that?" Yvie mumbles, pain woven in her words.

Scarlet shakes her head at the floor.

"I don't know. I keep asking myself, but I don't know. I just know it's the biggest regret of my life."

They stared at each other, the anguish of losing someone so close to them mirrored in their eyes.

Then a soft voice comes from the apartment.

"Yvie? Babe? Where'd you go?".

Scarlet's eyes shoot over Yvie's shoulder, the back to Yvie's eyes, shock taking over the pain.

"It's only been 2 months," Scarlet whispers, a fresh wave of tears falling from her eyes.

A blonde girl walks into Scarlet's view. She was clad only in one of Yvie's oversized shirts and a pair of cotton panties. The one that had been Scarlet's favorite.

Scarlet recognized her. How could she not?

[...]

"Scarlet, this is Brooke. You know, from my dance class?"

It was Yvie's birthday and Scarlet had thrown a huge party at one of their friends' houses.

Scarlet smiled politely at the girl, slightly cautious.

She'd met some of Yvie's other friends from her class and none of them really liked her.

"Nice to meet you Brooke. Yvie talks about you a lot."

Brooke returns her smile. "Yeah. She talks about you too."

Yvie zooms off to greet some other friends, leaving the two alone.

Brooke's polite smile drops as soon as the girl's back is turned.

"Let's get this straight. We aren't friends ok? Yvie's too good for you. You'll screw up soon enough. Then Yvie's mine." Brooke walks off then, smirking to herself.

Scarlet stares blankly after her. Yvie slides back over to her, kissing her cheek.

"Playing nice with others?" She teases.

Scarlet shakes out of her stupor.

"Yeah. Brooke seems nice."

Yvie pulls her close. "I'm glad."

When Yvie kisses her, she feels Brooke's glare on her back. She brushes it off.

[...]

"Oh hey. Harlot, right?" Brooke's smile is so bright. She knew Scarlet's name.

"Oh wait, that's just what you act like."

Scarlet glares at her.

"It's Scarlet. Brick, right? Oh wait that's just your personality. Or lack thereof."

Brooke narrows her eyes. Yvie grabs her shoulders and whispers in her ear. The girls still glare at each other but Brooke starts to make her way back to the bedroom.

"Bye Bitch. Oh, that's still not right, huh?" Scarlet pouts at her.

Brooke responds by leaning up and kissing Yvie's lips. Hard. Then she turns and walks back into the room, slamming the door behind her.

"I'd appreciate it if you don't antagonize my girlfriend." Yvie sighs.

Scarlet blushes. "I'm sorry. But you know she's not right for you."

Yvie laughs harshly. "And you are?"

"No. I proved I'm not. But I can say one thing. She's gonna hurt you worse than I did. And she won't regret it like I do."

This time Scarlet grabbed Yvie's face and made her look down.

"I fucked up Yvie. Real bad. But I don't wanna live without you. Brooke wouldn't think twice about leaving you. Please forgive me. You know I won't make the same mistake twice."

Yvie can't help herself. She leans forward and kisses Scarlet softly. So soft that she can't tell if it actually happened.

"I love you, Scarlet. But you hurt me so much. Maybe one day we can try again. But no time soon. Because as much as I love you, I won't be able to trust you for a long time."

She pulls her face out of Scarlet's hand and laid a kiss to it.

"I know you're sorry. I know you miss me. But saying this now? It's too late."

Yvie slowly slides back into her apartment and Scarlet starts to sob.

"Yvie, please!"

The door stops for a second before it shuts.

"It's too late Scarlet. I'm sorry. It's just too late."

Then it shuts and Scarlet mourns.

She lost Yvie.

Her love.

Her life.

Her forever.

#rpdr fanfiction #ex-scyvie #scarlet envy #yvie oddly #soju #brooke lynn hytes #brooke x yvie #scarlet x soju #vanessa vanjie mateo #lesbian au #angst #imposterzoe #s11

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wildtige429 · 5 years

Text

Imposter

@lynea-kureji This story is taken during the war. And we get to see why Mint is acting so weird around the general recently the entire day.

PS, may contain a reference to American Dad in one segment

youtube

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Something weird is going on here.

It’s not the numbers of the Mewman army rising to take him down. Or the fact the weather is not right.

It’s about his second-in-command/right hand man, but in full respect right arm woman, that is weird.

Mint, or Woodleaf by her army name that he suggested, is not being her usual self recently. Even a few of his men have begun to notice. One even stated she is having PTSD, that is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event. But they have been in war for a year now and she has never shown signs of PTSD.

How can she have PTSD if she is so clingy and possessive around him? One time, he was having a meeting with his commanders and all of a sudden, she suddenly screamed and barricaded off any of the female soldiers who got to close to him. They were shocked by her aggressive possessiveness. Including himself.

And another time, when he gives out instructions on the army’s strategy, Mint suddenly bawled and whined that she should be in his line of attack rather than being in her own line of attack. That is something he never heard her say because she was never such a complainer and positioned her part of the army quite well.

What is wrong with her?

“Maybe she’s on her period or something? Girls can change dramatically because of that,” the purple reptile, Ripjaw suggested, matter-of-factly.

Toffee couldn’t help but felt insulted and offended by that statement around his second-in-command. Eyes wide with a fiery ire, and his brows knitted in a deep scowl, he made a creepily and robotically slow 90 degree head turn to his colleague. Seeing the anger in his face, the purple lizard became submissively scared.

“It...it came to my head okay? What else was I going to say about her!? I mean, what if she really IS on her period!?” he whimpered, making a frightened excuse that he wished could calm his general’s ire down.

“Or maybe she’s not in a good mood now that you two are not....doing it?” Rasticore suggested, matter-of-factly.

Offended and insulted again by his statement, The Lizard did the reverse 180 degree turn in the same robotic and creepy slow manner, his anger face unwavering as he sets his sights on his old ally. The frilled lizard could feel his anger and he nearly cowered in submission.

“Oh come on, sometimes women get a little moody when they’re not doing it with their guys! Don’t you remember the last time she was grumpy because you were not in the mood!?” he whimpered, hoping his excuse could help calm him down like his friend did just now.

The general didn’t say anything. Not a single word. The air around him was so thick, they knew one thing.

They are in deep shit.

(Moment later)

“PLEASE, PLEASE!! I’LL NEVER TALK ABOUT - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”

“I SWEAR I WON’T TALK ABOUT HER BEING MOODY ABOUT - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”

As punishment for insulting and offending Mint, Toffee had the two tied by their ankles and shove them over a cliff that looms over a volcanic lake. Giving them a terrifying bungee jump that would teach them a lesson for good.

“Is that necessary, General?” Mint asked, worried about the two lizards’ safety.

“They will learn,” he answered darkly, passing by her.

The halfbreed second-in-command jogged after him until they were at level speeds, “Toffee, there is a storm coming and we suggest on stabilising our equipment if we want to succeed this,” she reported, “I fear the rain might slow us down alongside the Mewmans and make most of the lizards in our army sick. Including me and you.”

He sighed. It’s true, being cold-blooded has its disadvantages. Months ago, the rain was so cold and heavy, all of the reptiles and lizards in his army, himself included, and Mint, were affected by the cold flu. The flu was so bad, it lasted about three weeks.

But by a miracle, their flu even infected the enemy soldiers too.

“Inform the army to get their rain gear ready. And inform the Hottails to supply the blacksmiths with Forever Stones for the reptilian soldiers,” he ordered.

She gave him a nod and then she had a questioning look on her face. He took notice of it (She was staring at him) and said, “What?”

“Well.......,” she began, twiddling her fingers, “I was wondering about having a short moment of break in the forest. Away from the army like that and catch some zen, get what I mean?”

He was surprised by this offer that he stopped walking, Mint following suit. He had to admit she was right. He’s been stressed for a little while and perhaps taking his mind off of things could help clear his head.

“I’d appreciate that,” he admitted, “What time?”

“Tonight,” she suddenly grinned, “We just meet at the waterfall in the forest. Remember?”

He nodded, “Yes, I remember.”

“Great! OOOOH! I CAN’T WAIT!!” he was startled by her squeal and she suddenly realised what she did and reeled back to her former self, “Sorry. I mean, I will wait for you there.”

“Okay,” he warily said, glancing aside a bit. What is up with Mint today? She was never this excited of being alone with him before. Well, if she wants a short break, then so be it.

(That Night)

There was a slight rain tonight and it brought a little comfort to him through his track through the forest. The ground has become a little muddy and his attire is a little dirty from it. He had one time slipped on a crooked root in the ground and fell face first into the wet mud, coating himself entirely in the wet soil. No way is he going to present himself like this.

“At least I’m here early,” he told himself, finally reaching the destination that he will meet Mint. She was nowhere to be found so that gave good time for him to wash off the mud.

Moments later, he had taken off his attire, except for his trousers, and rinsed the mud off under the waterfall until they were spotless and clean off of any debris. However, he couldn’t help but feel like he is not alone in this part of the forest. Almost like, he was expecting an ambush from a Mewman assassin or something like that.

That is why he brought a knife in his pocket.

“YOU CAME!!!!” a shriek startled him and he found himself being thrown into the water by a tremendous force from behind. As he resurfaced, sputtering and spitting out water, he found himself being glommed by an over-excited Mint, not caring that her attire is wet and soaked.

“YES! YES! YES I FINALLY GET TO BE ALONE WITH YOU!!” she screamed like a maniac, “Now LET’S HAVE SOME FUN WHERE WE LEFT OFF BEFORE THE WAR STUFF HAPPENS!!”

He couldn’t stand her strange behaviour and he pulled her off, pushing her away at arms’ length and hands pinning down on her shoulders to prevent her from moving. Mint was confused by his annoyance and frustration and she looked at him like a little people who couldn’t find its chew toy.

“Mint, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you, but you are scaring me with this behaviour of yours,” he chided, anger audible through his tone, “ I don’t know if you’re on your period or some bullcrap, but so help me, you have to stop acting like a brat!”

Mint was struck by this. She looked like she was about to yell at him when they heard a rustle from the nearby bushes. What popped out of the bushes left Toffee speechless with horrified realisation.

A second Mint. And she appears to be in a horrible scuffle judging by her scratches and she had a big black eye like something had bashed into her face.

“Toffee! Get away from her!” the second Mint warned.

“Don’t listen to her, Toffee! That’s an imposter trying to replace me!” the Mint with him screeched, her voice shrill from lunacy.

“Liar! You knocked me out in the forest last night and was planning to take him from me!” the second Mint argued.

“No! I’m taking him away from you!” the first Mint argued back.

“Are you calling me a liar!”

“Yeah!”

“Then get away from him, you BITCH!!”

Toffee just had to throw the first Mint away from him because he fully understood where and why she was acting this way the entire day. A person he just wished had moved on without him in the past had come haunting back to me.

“Toffee?” the first Mint whined, stunned and hurt by his action.

“Don’t you Toffee me, Mint,” he growled. He slowly narrowed his eyes as he exposes her with these words, “Or should I call you......Artica!”

The imposter reeled back in shock by this. A moment later, she snarled and turned her sights onto the real Mint. As she stomps out of the water, cold vapour whisper out of her talons, “You...,” she hissed with such hatred and venom, “This is ALL YOUR FAULT!”

She aims her hands at her and fired a cold blast. Mint was able to dodge it as the blast turned a tree behind her into ice. Just as fake Mint was about to fire another ice blast again, the real Mint caught her by grabbing her wrists. The two Mints wrestled with each other, trying to subdue each other.

“MINT! BE CAREFUL!!” Toffee called out.

The imposter smirked, cruelly at her. Mint was confused, until realisation hit her hard like boulders from an avalanche. She looks down and finds ice shards forming on her hands, and she can feel the numbness and chills running down her arms.

“I would have taken them off, if I were you,” the fake Mint taunted cruelly. However, she noticed the real Mint smirking back and she couldn’t figure out why until she felt it. Something liquid and hot is burning her hands.

Looking down with horror, she watched as green liquid oozed out of Mint’s ice-covered hands, melting the ice immediately, and getting it onto her hands. Her skin begins to melt off to reveal pearly white scales. The imposter tried to force her hands out of Mint’s grip when suddenly, the second-in-command grabs her face, spreading more of the poison until what’s left of her form oozed down onto her feet.

Standing before Mint was a Wintertail woman wearing a white jacket and a tunic seemingly woven with cords.

“I should have known you were a Wintertail,” Mint pointed out, shoving the woman away from her. Toffee walked up to her side so he can glare down at this woman, “What are you doing here, Artica!?”

“I want you back with me, Toffee!” the woman, Artica, proclaimed, “After that break-up, I couldn’t stand it! Last time I heard, you were dating a freak and now you made her your second-in-command! No woman should take what’s mine and gets away with it!”

“Now I see why he broke up with you,” Mint pointed out, making the Wintertail hissed with hatred. As she and Toffee continue to glare at her, Artica made a vow, “I maybe a sergeant major in the other part of the army that didn’t revolt, but I will take my revenge on you for taking my Toffee! Remember that, freak!”

And with a huff, she turned tail and disappeared off into the forest, her anger making her ice powers turn up and freezing everything in her way.

“Tell me what happened,” the Lizard said, checking on her wounds. Mint tried her best to smile cheerfully, “Last night, I was going through the forest to check for any Mewman assassins when something hard hit me. I only got a glimpse of Artica using a disguise potion to make herself look like me so she can get you,” she pursed her lip in wonderment, “That Artica chick is really obsessed with you.”

“She really is,” he sighed with defeat, “And here I thought I’ll never see her again.”

He felt a hand on his cheek and looks down to see her smiling, comfortingly at him, “Just like old times, huh? Remember that Axel crook?”

Toffee began to chuckle, remembering their teenage days that brought a smile to his face, “Oh yes. I’m glad he doesn’t know you and the lizard girl he likes are the same person.”

It was Mint’s turn to chuckle back, “Ah, I miss the old days.”

He had to agree to that. Perhaps one day, if they win the war, they can go back to the days they once had when they were younger. And they would not step until they reach their goal.

He swore on it.

(Epilogue)

Meanwhile, the two lizardmen that were punished for offending and insulting their general and their second-in-command is still dangling from their ankles over the lake of molten lava at the cliff. It has been hours now and they could feel their blood draining into their brains.

“You think he’ll remember that we’re still here?” Ripjaw questioned his friend.

The frilled lizard let out a shrug, “Maybe. Or maybe not.”

They couldn’t help but sigh in defeat. It’s going to be a long day for them to get back up the top.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Found another song that matches the rivalry of Toffee with Axel and Mint with Artica.

youtube

I hope you enjoy reading this!

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richrubies · 6 years

Text

Part II: N is for Now

Warning: trash rap lyrics by me / lots to read - click a letter in order to go to the next chapter

E You are here -> N E M I E S

~*~ Two Years Later ~*~

You sat at the sound panel with Hyukwoo, listening to his latest track and making recommendations to his composition; ‘It’s good,’ you tell him honestly, ‘but I think you need something that makes it pop. It sounds similar to your old stuff,’

‘Which is what I want to avoid,’ Hyukwoo finishes for you with a knowing nod.

After you’d been disqualified from the competition, you had lost your confidence.

Even the staff were shocked with the decision, which is what had led you to asking why you had failed. You’d worked harder than ever before, and the only answer you’d received from Min Yoongi was something that still haunted your dreams.

You’re not all that much. The other performers were much better than you. You could at least act a bit more humbly about your loss, do you think you’re better than everyone else? I don’t. You’re laughable.

Asshole.

Not long after the show had ended, you were approached by AOMG, with Jay asking you to join their team; so you did, settling to work with producing beats seeing as it was what you’d majored in, along with heavy vocal training.

‘How about we also record my other song and do a double release. You can feature on it.’ Hyukwoo tried his luck as you focused on the mac screen in front of you. You hadn’t sung on a track for a long time – not since Min Yoongi had shot you down with his harsh comments.

‘Should I?’ you respond, surprising Hyukwoo as he gaped.

‘Really?’ he asks.

‘I haven’t released anything for a long time,’ you say nervously, looking at Hyukwoo who was almost bouncing out of his seat.

‘But your voice is still amazing! We all hear you singing around the building, but after all that happened…’ Hyukwoo trailed, referring to Min Yoongi’s exclusive album and song that had probably made him a millionaire.

The track, ‘Judgement Day’ had resulted in a lot of articles, and label-beef between AOMG and Suga, especially when the lyrics had targeted you so clearly,

Judgement day comes when I’m in the throne,

You thought you’d win?

Ha, I just put you back in your comfort zone,

Welcome to my world, it’s straight black and white,

Even with Gray in between (your thighs), it’s still so bleak,

Don’t blame me for your own failure in this life,

It’s your own damn fault for not qualifying to join my clique

Not only had the dis track sat at the top of the charts for over a month, it’d created havoc for both you and Gray, with articles questioning your strictly platonic relationship and caused a million rumours in the industry to arise.

It was one of the reasons you hadn’t sung in a long time. Originally it was you keeping a low profile, up until you were so used to being out of the spotlight, that it became natural for you to not want to sing and record your own music, despite the countless sheets of lyrics you’d written.

‘I’ll do it,’ you tell Hyukwoo suddenly. You were tired of hiding behind the beats.

‘Will you really? You’re not lying right? You can’t go back on it!’ Hyukwoo tells you, holding out his pinky finger for you to link your own with.

You nod as you promise him, running a hand through your hair, ‘Yeah. Let’s do it.’

You didn’t sleep that night. Both you and Hyukwoo sat in the studio, bouncing thoughts around, wanting to create a new song that you both had input in. As you worked, the rest of the crew walked into the room, constantly checking on your progress, amazed that you had agreed to feature.

By time you had finished writing and perfecting the lyrics and sample beat, it was a new day.

A new day, a new me, you thought with a snort as you placed a blanket over Hyukwoo’s sleeping figure on the couch, before snuggling into the chair in the corner of the studio and shutting your eyes, knowing that once you woke up, the day would be even more hectic.

~*~

‘What inspired you to release a new song?’ the interviewer asked as you sat between Jay and Hyukwoo. The three of you had recorded and released Solar less than three weeks ago, and it had become one of the biggest hits on the charts with millions of listeners.

Hyukwoo answered honestly with a fake chuckle that you knew well, ‘We weren’t intending on doing so, but things just turned out that way.’

‘We’ve asked Y/N for months to sing on records for us, but it wasn’t until last week that she finally agreed,’ Jay added with a smile aimed at you, ‘It’s nice to hear her voice after so long.’

You were currently sitting in an interview with Krush Exclusive, promoting the new song, as well as answering the questions that a lot of fans had wanted to know since it had dropped.

‘A lot of the fans are sending in live questions on SNS, wanting to know what the relationship between you and Gray is,’ the interviewer states with an apologetic smile from behind the camera.

You knew it was coming and were comfortable enough to answer with a smile, a hand brushing at your hair, ‘We’re friends and colleagues. That’s all we’ve ever been.’

‘So, the rumours that were ignited after BTS’ Suga’s song Judgement Day, are false?’

‘Very much so,’ you nod, ignoring the intense stare that was being sent your way from the interviewer and the tensing of both Hyukwoo and Jay.

The questions moved on to general topics, before finishing on a happy note, ‘On behalf of Krush, we’d also like to congratulate you on the nominations your songs have been given for the upcoming music awards.’

As soon as the interview was over, you thanked the filming crew profusely before taking your leave.

Once you were all inside of the SUV and hidden behind the tints of the vehicle, you could practically feel the air become lighter. Jay swore in frustration as he pulled away from the building, ‘It’s been two years. Why are people still curious about the dis track?’

‘It’s not like Gray and I actually addressed the rumour,’ you remind Jay from the back seat, ‘If you’re going to get angry, blame that rainbow-headed fuck for starting the rumours in the first place.’

‘I’ll beat his ass one day,’ Jay tells you angrily as he drove, with Hyukwoo nodding in agreement.

You smiled at their protectiveness as you leaned back in your seat, looking out of the window at the world whizzing past, the only thing on your mind being the music award show next month that you were now forced to attend because of your nominations.

More so, you were thinking about the fact that BTS would most likely be present since they had become incredibly popular over the years.

The thought made your stomach turn. You didn’t know how you would handle seeing the man that had treated you so cruelly without reason.

~*~

Masterlist

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awed-frog · 7 years

Text

The Season Finale/Bye, Boys

I know I'm late - I had to work all day yesterday and today, and when I first got those jobs I’d anticipated I'd be frustrated about missing the finale live, but, well - after last week's episode, I mostly wasn't interested at all. When I sat down tonight to watch it, I almost didn't want to. I was highkey convinced I wouldn't like it, and, yeah, I didn't. Not particularly. I've suspected for a while that Supernatural lost its grandeur and sense of tragedy years ago, and all that's left is a bunch of occasionally magnificent, but mostly unconnected, monster hunts - that they're grasping at straws to avoid going down paths that would actually make sense because they don't want to go there - and this finale confirmed all that with the subtlety of a badly driven tank.

(Really - I was hoping things would be different, but they're not. As much as this show held my hand and made me laugh and cry in difficult moments and distracted me when real life was plain unbearable, the magic is no longer there. I watched the finale with that same awful weight in your stomach you feel when faced with that one person you no longer love - when you look and look and you don't understand how you could ever love them in the first place, and then your eye catches something - they way their mouth curves into a smile, perhaps, or the once beloved lilt in their voice, and you realize that oh, that's how.

But still, it's over.)

So, what happens next?

The honest answer is, I don't know. I've been mostly off tumblr for a week, and while I missed chatting and talking with you guys, this self-imposed break really brought home just how my world has shrunk. I tend to be very intense in what I like, and over the last year, 90% of my free time has been Supernatural. Writing stories, writing metas, creating the odd graphic, reblogging other people's posts and ooohing and aaaawing at their creations and insight - that was great, but it also cut my mental landscape into a tiny little postcard. And this past week - I did things. I discovered new stuff, I read real books, I faffed around weird Wikipedia pages, I lost myself in other series, I planted beans and basil and edible flowers. And I liked it - a lot. So whatever I do next, I'll be on tumblr a lot less, because - I’m sorry - I’ve been fearing for a while that Supernatural simply wasn't worth this level of devotion, and this finale pretty much confirmed that. So - really - I’ll keep reblogging gifs and I’ll probably write the occasional headcanon and feel free to ask me things and come talk to me and everything else, but please know that I'm not that positive about this show anymore, so if you want rainbows and ponies, my blog's probably not the best place to get them. I'll definitely keep writing, and I hope I've got enough love left in me to finish my DCBB, but other than that - I think I'm done. It's likely I'll watch the show next year, but I'll certainly not anticipate new episodes and squeal at the screen and bleed my own blood all over it or anything. And maybe this will hurt at some point - God, I loved this show so goddamn much - but for now I'm just numb.

So, here goes - quite possibly, my last meta.

Cas: Yes, They Went There

This is what we’re all wondering, isn’t it? Is Cas really dead?

No, he isn't. If Misha was leaving the show, we'd know about it. Like, of course they'd keep it under wraps until the last episode, but it'd be out today - no reason it wouldn’t. Plus, from a narrative point of view, Cas' death doesn't make any sense. He just died after fucking up - again - and he never got to make his Big Choice between Heaven and *coughs* humanity, plus they're having so much fun jerking us around with that yeah so maybe he and Dean they're in love thing, why would they stop now? So, honestly, his 'death' was his only good moment during this season finale. Like, he obviously wasn't brainwashed brainwashed, so it didn't make any sense he wouldn't involve Sam and Dean in his overly simplistic scheme, plus he's been acting stupid and out of character the whole time he was on screen - and, I get Cas is hard to write, but come on. Renting a cabin under the name James Novak when he can hypnotize it out of some guy without leaving a paper trace? Reading books and taking online classes about childbirth? This from a guy who's not a guy at all and has instinctive knowledge of physics and whatever and knows perfectly well that thing inside Kelly isn't a human child, anyway, so he might as well take woodworking classes for all the good that would do him? Uh. Not to mention his random snooping into alternate dimensions he knew nothing about when he was supposed to be taking care of Kelly - if AU!Bobby had killed him, or if he'd fallen into a pit or whatever else, Kelly would have remained alone in that cabin basically waiting for Lucifer to find her. Honestly - why do they bother writing Cas at all if they can't get him right?

Destiel: Still Subtext

And more bad news: five seasons of queerbaiting - and counting. This season finale had to be the one with the least amount of UST or pining or any kind of fuckery between them since, I don’t know, ever? Sure, there were moments, and I could list them, but why should I? Look at Cas doing his own thing, and what does it matter if he was staring at the water (possibly thinking about that fish which started everything, and by everything I mean Cas’ love for humanity, and by humanity I mean Dean), and what does it matter if Dean, as usual, is the one fretting about Cas and worrying about Cas and being all undignified and unmanly? It's been years, and Dean was unusually chatty during the whole finale, so I'm sure some of us were like, ALERT ALERT THIS IS WHEN IT HAPPENS (not me, because I'm grumpy and disillusioned), and nope, not the time. Better luck next season, guys.

Honestly, at this point there are no good options.

Like, I’m sure there are already two hundred codas out there about the Nephilim resurrecting Cas and Dean kissing him out of sheer relief, but yeah - that’s not gonna happen. My bet is - if they’re being decent about things, Cas will be saved in some way and the eye fucking will start again, dragging on and on to some series finale which, no doubt about it, will indicate the two of them are actually sleeping together, because look at that painting in the background and the label on that beer - it’s obvious; and if they’re not being decent about things, our Cas is definitely dead and Sam and Dean will meet AU!Cas in their search for Mary and at that point things will get Weird, because Dean will be Grief-stricken and Unhappy, and Cas won’t know or love him at all, and then what? Again, at best the whole thing is definitely gone and buried and Supernatural will remain the main Wikipedia example for queerbaiting (but until that very last moment, we’ll speculate this is really about destiny and falling in love in every universe and whatever), and at worst we’ve got yet another cringeworthy dance between the two of them as Dean gets over AU!Cas just as AU!Cas falls for Dean, cue romance tropes, cue will they/won’t they, cue shoot me now.

Guys - I still believe there was something there. More: I believe it was subtextually indicated, for years, that Dean and Cas were in love, and this season kept giving us confirmation that subtext is a thing and that it matters (the latest hint to date is Dean’s I’m actually Sam’s parent speech), but the fact is, subtext is not enough. There are dozens of ways to bring a romance into text without resolving it so it stays ‘interesting’, and the fact they haven’t done it yet - we should stop excusing their behaviour. If Cas had been a woman, the possibility of a relationship would be confirmed by now. So, whatever.

Gold Star, Sammy!

For someone who's been pretty much a secondary character in his own story for the whole season, or, let's be mean, the whole show after S5, Sam suddenly got some unexpected attention, and was the only person to get a win out of this finale. His character development was mostly subtextual, but it was clearly leading somewhere, and this was exactly it. Sam's naturally ambitious and driven, and he's suppressed this aspect of his personality for years because freak and vessel of Lucifer and whatever else, but now, after years and years of penance and invisibility and praying to a God who didn't give a flying fuck about him, it looks like Sammy's all grown up. Yay. There he is, a leader of man, a consummate warrior, a witch. Not hiding, not underplaying his skills, not feeling guilty at all - and finally. Sam got to hug his mother and defeat all of his archenemies - the BMoL's gone, Toni's gone, Lucifer's gone, and Crowley's gone. And none of them need to weigh on his conscience, because, lookie here, Sam sort of forgave them all (except Lucifer, but, then again, he's not really dead, is he?). No, Sam got to reject the BMoL's pernicious influence on his pure, noble soul, he got to work with Toni, who'd cruelly taunted and tortured him, and he got to be nice to Crowley, which mostly didn't make any sense because Crowley and Sam always hated each other. And even the fact he lost Mary and Cas in the end - that doesn't affect his shiny character arc at all. Sam's been ready to lose Cas several times before now, and he's accepted it in a way Dean never has; and as for Mary - narratively, Sam got what he needed from her: a declaration of love and an admission of guilt - the confirmation that nothing was ever actually his fault. Now he can finally move on.

I have to say - despite the fact it was a fucking long time coming, this sudden bout of character development felt hurried to me. All that talk about leading others - when had Sam ever expressed an open interest in it? Until last season, he seemed warily determined to settle down with ‘someone who understands the life’ and be as normal as he could, and now out of the blue he’s King bloody Arthur? Like Crowley’s sudden meekness and suicidal schemes, Sam becoming the top pilot of the Rebellion was not out of character, exactly, but was rushed and badly written - this whole episode felt like someone had said, Okay, these characters need to get here, and there’s this chapter in the middle which explains how but lolz, who’s got time to write that? Let’s skip to the good parts. Rewrite, try again

Dean “I hate that I love you” Winchester

Dean is Sam’s parent - this has been my Dean tag for a while, and boy, they went to such lengths to finally confirm it textually it was very nearly out of character. Because, I mean, this is Dean, and as much as I appreciated that whole speech, that's so not who he is. I'm going to be generous and say he was under the effects of a lot of drugs, but still - this is the guy who never blurted out more than one tearful line in his entire life when under threat of imminent death, and speaking from the heart with such eloquence is not really his thing. Jensen pulled it off, but only just. But, whatever - nice to see some of the subtext they weave in this show is actually significant - and, full offense, now that it's textually confirmed Dean always felt like a parent to Sam, more than a brother, I hope that those who are convinced he actually wants to bend Sam over a couch and do “bad things” with him will finally take a cold shower (possibly with holy water) and step away from the whole thing.

Other than that moment, though, which, dreamworld or not, Dean really needed, this season was disastrous for him. His arc's been downwards as much as Sam's been upwards, and, as we predicted, Dean ended his year in a very low place. Both his parent figures are gone - Mary swallowed by an alternate dimension, Bobby who flat-out didn't recognize him - Cas spent weeks ignoring him and now he's dead, Crowley's also dead (and however much they tried to downplay their relationship in this finale, we know there was something there), and the world is ending - again - because Dean didn't need to wait for the birth to know in his heart Lucifer's kid's gonna be a threat to, like, everything.

So, uhm, I really don’t know how to feel about things. Dean tried to be more open this season, which mostly went badly for him, but he also fixed things with his family - look at him letting Sam step away into danger (and, I mean, we don’t need any more confirmation because text, but in that moment he was definitely coded as Sam’s parent) and focusing on helping his mom instead (anon - I know I still have to answer your question about why I think Dean’s perfectly happy fixing cars and baking pies for his family while Sam’s off to Congress, and that meta’s mostly written, but here you see it again - Dean, the feminine, blue-collar character, is content with staying at home while his masculine, Ivy League educated brother goes off to war). I guess this means the brodependency is definitely over? Too bad Dean will be too busy mourning Cas and saving the world to actually appreciate it.

(Then again, #NoHomo.)

Crowley: At Last, We Know

Crowley's arc has trasparently clear for a while, and it's mirrored Cas' so precisely the question of his death was becoming a when, and not an if. When we were speculating about his fate, I wrote somewhere that much would depend on the kind of story they were writing - if this is a coming of age thingy, then Crowley wouldn't have needed to die, because he's not a father figure (no matter how many times Dean’s called him Daddy); but if this is a tragedy, then the textbook solution was to have him die for the heroes. It's a The Last of the Mohicans ending: an überdramatic I know you'll never love me but I care so much about you I'll sacrifice myself all the same thing, and, look - what can I even say?

I'm upset because I really liked Crowley and there was so much we didn't know about him and Mark is outstanding and aaaaaargh. On the other hand, at least they did him the courtesy of a noble ending (Rowena, of course, being a silly woman, got a humiliating and prolonged off-screen death, because, yeah, who cares, and the same pattern was applied to Toni and Ketch) and he got to bow out on his own terms: for Dean, and with a self-inflicted wound.

Still, his death, like Eileen's, signals there's no believable happy ending in sight for our forlorn heroes. They'll probably stay alive long enough to kill the Nephilim and fall into the Apocalypse World of Doom™, and then they'll die*.

*Terms and conditions apply, because it would make sense if they died and it would make for a heartbreaking, tragic ending, but hey, the movie deal's still on the table so better leave everything unresolved and have them drive off into the sunset on their own.

Mary: No Means Yes

I know some people like Mary, and I do think she was a good character, but as a person, she was kind of awful. I won't go back to everything she did wrong all season, but I will point out that her only redemptive point is that she sucked as a mom because she was not a Traditional Woman, and that sort of made her interesting and we raved about their courage all season, right? How Mary could have been a 1950s housewife and instead look at her - much BAMF, such wow. And yet we now know that Mad Max woman I do what I want façade was just that - a façade. Because when Mary was brainwashed, where was the real part of herself? Her most cherished piece of soul? The writers left no doubt, no margin for error: back in the kitchen, preparing horribly unhealthy yet terribly American lunches for toddler Dean, cooing at baby Sammy, her flat spotless (where are Dean's toys?), her ironing almost done. This is, apparently, the person she wishes she could be - what every woman should aspire to be: a mom who's 100% dedicated to her kids - someone who hovers around the house in her nightgown, ethereal and effortlessly beautiful and probably shaved bald (legs and armpits and lady bits shaved and trimmed and waxed and moisturised and perfumed and pleasantly soft and babyish), humbly content with this family God has given her. And, by the way, when she gets back to reality, that's who she becomes - she shoots Ketch, who'd dared to sully her marital bed and hurt Dean, she sobs in Sam's shoulder, she anxiously looks after Kelly because women always bond over periods and pregnancy and mascara and stuff, she tearily reassures Kelly that yes, dying for your unborn son, even if that son is a demon and the scourge of the Earth, is the done thing and anyone would do the same; her final act - punching Lucifer in the face - is completely out of character for the smart, ruthless hunter we know she can be. Instead, it speaks of a mother’s love - a kind of adrenalinic - you hurt my baby boy, I’ll make you bleed sort of thing. This, of course, is supposed to speak in her favour, because give me an emotional woman over a rational one any day. Honestly, if I didn't find Mary so annoying I would welcome the moment when she'll meet the other Mary - the woman who let her boyfriend die rather than dooming the world. As it is, I’m finding it hard to be excited about anything S13 has to bring, though.

Kelly: Blessed Are You among Women

I know that Supernatural doesn’t have the best record with women, and this finale, even coming as it did on the legacy of Eileen’s death, did not disappoint: from Toni playing her mother card and then dying off-screen, to Rowena left a burned husk in a non-descript room, to Mrs Hess cowardly attempting to escape as her operatives kept fighting around her, both episodes were a testosterone festival of testicles and bad beer. Still, what they did to Kelly was very nearly unforgivable. To recap: they basically took a smart, modern, career-driven woman, had her raped by her actual lover (marital rape’s still not a crime in 49 countries, by the way, and it was completely legal in many Western countries until the 1990s), got her pregnant, and then turned her into a Stepford mother. Because, of course - what else could she do? Get an abortion? I know we’re all theoretically in favour of that, but who can really go through with it, the heartless monster? And as for killing yourself - it may be your life, your body and your decision, but it's also a sin, and a big no no. Just be grateful your demon baby still needs your internal organs to survive and shut up. So, well - they basically sucked away her every choice Kelly had until she was this bouncing pregnant ball who got no say over her own destiny and on top of that, her last few days were spent building Ikea furniture and painting a nursery for the literal Antichrist who'd claw his way through her stomach to be born. Honestly - I'd say I haven't seen such a demeaning and antifeminist storyline since the last encyclical letter - except I saw the exact same thing on The Magicians only three weeks ago, so apparently misogyny's back in fashion?

Then again, we already knew that. Just look at how people are voting.

(If you're interested, hedge witch Julia, raped by a god, manages to abort after a series of mishaps - like, the Planned Parenthood doctor who tries to help her is brutally murdered by a demon of some kind and Julia has to rob a bank and doom a friend to certain death in order to get another procedure because pregnant women are selfish bitches - only, what do you know, that part of her soul who could feel love and empathy is snipped right up along with her uborn child, so whooopsie. She'll only get her back if she forgives her rapist, and she does, because that's apparently our role as women in 2017 and fifty years of feminism taught us nothing.)

Bite-sized Rants

Toni being a mother - yeah, that didn't have anything to do with anything and that last scene of S11 was just proof of how little they plan ahead. I just read somewhere that this is the problem with modern television - that series will be automatically canceled or renewed no matter the storyline depending on how much money they make, and this means nothing makes sense anymore - stories that were supposed to last one season are artificially stretched to last forever because ratings, while things that were conceived as trilogies - we’ll never know how they end, because not enough people were watching. So, I mean - I am sort of pleased that I got there before they did and wrote a line one year ago about Dean eventually forgiving Toni because ‘a parent’s love - that something he understands’ - because, yeah, that's exactly the ploy Toni used on Dean and it worked, so, points, but at the same time - that whole BMoL thing was so wonky and stereotyped and Nazi-shaped and My God, really? The only character who barely made sense there was Ketch, but, unfortunately, that’s also the easiest character to write and the one who’s most commonly found on our screens: Trigger-happy Psychopath Charms Everyone with His Wit and Good Looks.

(Plus, Ketch was yet another piece of the Dean is Bi mosaic that went nowhere, so I’m not feeling very charitable right now.)

The other hunters - look, it's just not believable anymore. So apparently Sam and Dean know who everyone else is, people are okay following Sam anywhere even if he used to be the actual Antichrist or whatever and there are rumors about how he went to Hell and I don't know what else, and on top of that this Men of Letters thing is just something everybody knows about now? And yet Sam and Dean never contact these people, and more importantly, don't share their super secret Bunker full of weapons and lore with any of them? Not even Jody? Nice, guys. Real grand of you.

(Plus, what is this bullshit - why do Sam and Dean send everyone home after torching the BMoL’s HQ when they know perfectly well Lucifer and/or the Nephilim are about to destroy the actual world? Maybe ask for some back-up there?)

Cosmic consequences, shmosmic consequences. Dean killed Death, and so what? Cas killed Billie, and so what? There is no way to even argue the current mess has to do with the cosmic consequences Billie promised, because all of it is basically of their own doing: Mary walking away when she should have stayed, Sam trusting the BMoL even as they kept kidnapping him and threatening him and killing random people, Cas being his usual self-sacrificing self and Crowley thinking he knows better than anyone else (or, well, as this episode pointed out - they both “needing a win”) - there was no supernatural involved there. So...?

(Plus, this is yet another example of a big narrative thing of the Destiel variety going nowhere. Cas killing Billie for Dean, Cas nearly dying while confessing his love right, left and centre and then - out of nothing, here is the ‘divorced parents’ routine - Cas is decorating a nursery with a brainwashed Stockholm victim and Dean’s priority is to - who even knows?)

That reference to Romani people was almost worse than that bit about the Arab Spring. Please, for the love of God - your show is watched abroad. If you do use history or politics, maybe Google it first?

The BMoL have te power to create ‘mystical dampeners against magic’ and yet they absolutely needed to kidnap Mary to ensure the continuation of their evil schemes?

Sam and Dean can become virgins again but can’t mix themselves some old-fashioned explosive?

Mrs Hess had people studying the Winchesters for years and yet she doesn’t know which is which?

Dean finally got to fire his grenade launcher and we didn’t even see it clearly?

Handful of Disorganized but Well-meaning and Kind-Hearted American Mavericks Defeat Superpowerful European Organization Complete with Private Army Without Breaking a Sweat - Jesus, enough.

Claire was too busy to save the world? Where was she? Coachella?

Crowley looking at Dean when he called them beautiful, that fight between Ketch and Dean being heavily paralleled with Dean beating up Cas...when are they going to bring that stuff out of the subtext?

Cas being so easily seduced by Paradise - didn’t Dean reject those exact concepts back in S4, and didn’t Cas switch sides because of it? But I suppose he’s just, forgotten, because that’s what happens when you take online lamaze classes or something?

Honestly - I apologize for being so negative. There were some brilliant bits here and there, but as I said - on the whole, I’m just tired. Supernatural seems determined to tell a story by not actually telling it, and at this point I’m really tired of doing the job it for them. I’m fed up by how little Dean cared about Crowley (because, if nothing else, that was one complex and interesting relationship and a narrative dream they threw away out of fear it would awake old ‘Dean is Bi’ ghosts) and I’m fed up by how anticlimatic Dean’s reaction to Cas’ death was (we’ve seen more dramatic scenes over a nose bleed, but I guess these two episodes were so action packed they had no time to insert a random #NoHomo lady, so even a Merthur hug would have been way too much) and I’m fed up by the fact that Jesus Christ, they have such talented people working for them and why won’t they just let them?

Guys, I don’t even - I’m going to bed.

#spn meta #spn 12x22 #spn 12x23 #destiel #sam and dean #kelly kline #spn ending #i didn't like it #so read at your peril

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fictionfreakazoid · 7 years

Text

Important questions and things about Clone Shiro/Kuron

Ok honestly before I saw all the serious evidence people showed to back the theory that it wasn’t the real Shiro, I was kinda pissed at everyone thinking it wasn’t the real Shiro literally just because of how he dressed. He could be wearing literal garbage and I would not care whatsoever. He’s been cruelly captured by an alien species, tortured, forced to fight for their entertainment and who knows what else they did to him in the year that he was there as a prisoner. Despite all that trauma, he constantly pushed through his PTSD and led his fellow paladins to fight for the freedom of everyone else in the galaxy. He’s fully dedicated and determined to their cause, willing to make sacrifices. He put everything he has into their cause, pushing through his severe trauma while helping his fellow teammates and friends with their emotional problems/dilemmas and anything else they have to deal with. Despite all that, people are ready to question him because of his outfit??!??!!? The creators aren’t giving him a break, he at least deserves a break from us, the fans. Not your Shiro? Yeah he’s not anyone’s. While the outfit might have been cringey, he’s his own person, and he can wear whatever the hec he wants to, he has bigger problems like defeating an oppressive and violent alien species to free billions of innocent aliens and creatures.

So yeah I’ve seen that there are way too many conflicting details to not have doubts about this being the real Shiro. But I haven’t seen anyone thinking past the fact that this might be a clone. Like the consequences of it. There are a lot.

First off, the biggest issue with this Shiro being a clone is that we still don’t know where Shiro is or if he’s safe. Where is all the concern that was there when he went missing at the end of season 2? WHERE IS HE IS HE SAFE OMG SPACE DAD PLEASE BE SAFE YOU DESERVE IT MORE THAN ANYONE

Why would they clone Shiro? Like every single time an enemy Galra talked to Shiro they were like the best part of you is your Galra arm. They clearly have a superiority complex in their race. I mean Shiro is special to us, but like Zarkon and Haggar and who knows who else have lived for over 10,000 years, why wouldn’t they want to clone them instead, what’s special about him to them? We’ve seen that other alien races have special abilities including: Ezor’s ability to camouflage, Narti’s ability to see through other creatures and take over other’s minds, the Altean ability to change appearances (color, height, not sure of all the details), and who knows what else. Yes, Shiro is strong and smart and a great fighter everything, but Zethrid stopped a freaking animal with her bare hands, and I’m pretty sure they have plenty of great fighters and smart minds. The galra don’t even like half breed galra, even Lotor even though he’s the son of their leader. Why would they be interested in a human from Earth? They would’ve cloned him before he escaped and became a paladin, which they presumably had no idea about. So it wouldn’t make sense for them to have made a clone of him just because he is a paladin. So why?

This brings up the question: Is he the only clone they have? If there isn’t anything inherently special about Shiro in their eyes, I don’t see why they wouldn’t have made clones of Matt and his dad as well, not to mention any other alien.

How is the clone connected to Shiro? He had recent memories of Shiro. Memories. As much as everyone hated his attitude during the latest fight with the generals because he was “going against” Keith, Shiro does have that mentality during battles. This clone acts like Shiro. Picking his battles, making priorities, that’s Shiro’s battle plan style exactly. The black lion showed him to Keith. There’s enough of Shiro’s spirit or something in the clone for the black lion to not reject him. The lions are all about the connections to their paladins and they’re mystical and stuff, so it’s not like they could’ve been easily “fooled”.

Let’s say that the clone feels everything Shiro feels. Why wouldn’t the galra use this earlier? I mean we’re not sure how the whole thing works, but surely they could’ve used that to their advantage.

Why would the clone’s memory black out after the battle with Zarkon? What awakened it?

When clones are made, they’re usually altered slightly to be different from the original, to be an improvement. But from my earlier points, it doesn’t seem like the galra are really using the clone to their advantage or that the clone has been enhanced. Let’s say they released the clone to be used as a spy. Why wouldn’t they try to control the clone to trick team voltron? Like why hasn’t the clone tried to tell them semi-believable things and made them mess up or something? Why would they release a clone that feels sentiment for their enemy? There are usually slight indications when a decoy has been sent to enemies, like they would be catching them more easily or something, but it doesn’t seem like the galra are getting anything out of the clone atm. I mean the clone has their trust. The galra probably have the technology to use him as a camera or something. So why isn’t there a sign that they’ve gained knowledge about team voltron or the castle or anything? Why would they release a clone that has a connection to the original’s feelings and memories and not make it purely an instrument for the galra to use? What are they gaining from the clone and what are they planning to use him for?

How is team voltron gonna react when they find out? For a trusted friend and their beloved leader to return after they lost him and grieved for him to turn out to be a fake must hurt. That’s a messed up thing to do. That’s gonna really increase animosity. It’s a personal attack to team voltron. What will team voltron do to the clone? The clone’s true standing is unclear atm, is he with the galra or does he truly believe that he’s with team voltron? When the real Shiro comes back, what are the two of them gonna do? Serious drama could happen right there. There’s a lot of potential, especially since we don’t know whether the clone will betray them or not and we can’t really tell with what we have atm. Idk this all is just really trippy.

#shiro #voltron #vld #kuron #clone shiro

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skylain · 7 years

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My Thoughts on Chester Bennington/Mental Health...

Just wanted to share my thoughts about Chester Bennington...I don't tend to post much anymore unless I find it worth my time, and this one definitely is. I do need to say, most celebrity deaths don't bother me too much, not to say that I don't care, but more often than not, I'm not invested enough to truly, truly be impacted. Don't get me wrong, any loss like that is upsetting, but usually the distance and natural disconnect fails to make me feel anything more than some brief sorrow over the loss of such a talent.

Chester is different, at least for me. That man's voice and music, say what you will of it, has been my guiding light since I was 11 years old. "In The End" was my very first Linkin Park song, and Linkin Park was the band that helped me forge my early music tastes, to what eventually evolved into what it is now. A far cry, to be sure, but as a result, Linkin Park will forever hold a special place in my heart as "my first band", if you will.

Chester's music was the very first music that I felt connected to. Granted, it was junior high me making a bigger deal of things than they were, and feeling like Linkin Park understood me and my preteen struggles. Regardless of if that's silly in retrospect, it meant something to me then, and that means a lot to me now. I connected with something in a way I never had before. Yeah, it was angry, angsty, edgy stuff, but it spoke to me, something I find harder and harder to find in music as I get older. And though we like to write tunes like "In The End" and "Crawling" off as emo anthems that we all know the lyrics to but are mildly ashamed of, at the time, they were very real for Linkin Park. Though they likely became those songs that were the moneymakers, they were written from a real place in their origins, and that should never be forgotten.

I stuck with Linkin Park through Minutes to Midnight, A Thousand Suns, Living Things, and The Hunting Party...they lost me with One More Light, as I'm sure they did most people. I watched them evolve and change, and though such experiments were met with mixed results, one thing is important to note - they had balls. To make history off of one kind of sound (as heard in Hybrid Theory and Meteora), and then completely go off on their own and start experimenting and trying new things, takes a lot of balls.

Chester had explained in the past that in his younger years that he had struggled in great regards with drugs and mental illness, and that's what a lot of Linkin Park songs in their early years were about ("Breaking The Habit" especially). Again, though they likely changed for the band, and for us became those radio tunes we know them for, in their genesis, they were deeply personal works. I had the honor of seeing him and Linkin Park perform them in 2014 on The Carnivores Tour...and it still remains one of the greatest concerts I’ve ever been to.

It shook me to learn that Chester took his own life. Interestingly enough, he was very close friends with Chris Cornell, which may shed some light on things. I'm not saying that he was pulling some copycat move or anything like that, but clearly they had a lot in common, and likely shared similar mental states.

Which, just as any celebrity suicide demonstrates (my particular sticking post being Robin Williams), nobody, NOBODY is immune from failure, from the hardships of life, from the struggles that we all go through. You could look at someone like Chester, like Williams, and say "Wow, they've got it made. They're rich, famous, on top of the world" Chester played to crowds of thousands nightly, the world knew his name, his lyrics. And the common person may ask, "So with all that, why'd they take their own life?" And this truly demonstrates...it doesn't matter WHO you are, you could be the world's sensation, or just some kid crying in a dark room alone...NOBODY is immune from sadness, from failure, from depression. It is thankfully losing its stigma, what with people like Robin Williams and Carrie Fisher being so very vocal about it, and them having sympathetic ears to speak to, but it still isn't understood fully by people who don't struggle with it.

Which is almost odd for me to imagine, someone not struggling with such things. Now don't get me wrong, I'm glad for them, they're lucky. But unlike physical conditions, a mental one like this is often not given the care and attention it should be, and is instead seen as laziness, as someone who just wants attention, or as something terrible, awful, abnormal. Truth is, depression is no less common than getting a cold. And it needs to be normalized and accepted in that same way. You'd never judge someone for getting a cold. Just as well, one should never judge someone else for being beaten down by life, and feeling lost and hopeless. Life is NOT easy, and we'll all do our battles with it. I know I have and still do in some regard. I have been very fortunate to have wonderful people around me to give me support, people who understand and keep me marching towards the battle, and I'm better for it.

Sometimes though, that's just not enough. Sometimes, nothing is enough. No amount of money, fame, support, love, medication, therapy, whatever...sometimes there's just no helping it. It's a very sad, very sorry state, but it is a reality. And while I wish with all my heart that it wasn't like that for some people, sometimes, their only answer is out. I for one, think that that is never truly the right answer...though I respect someone's right to do it, it's their life, their decision...I wish it weren't so, and wish so much that things could be changed for them.

Thankfully, attitudes towards suicide, like depression, have changed a bit. Again, I go back to Robin Williams, I think that was a big wake-up call for A LOT of people, and rightfully so. While it is a terrible and dark act, so many people for the longest time thought and said that only the weak did it, only the selfish, only junkies, fools, and people who deserved it, were unfit for this world and are better off gone. But when it started becoming clearer and clearer to the general populace that it can afflict anyone, no matter who they are...it sent a pretty strong message.

And it's pretty shattering for me to lose one of my musical idols like this. The guy had a wife and kids, and good friends in Linkin Park, and an extended family of millions who his music gave light and inspiration to in the darkest of times. I am not calling his act selfish by putting light on those aspects, rather, I'm showing that even with such wonderful things going for him, clearly these incredible things couldn't outweigh whatever plagued the poor man's heart and soul. And if he was unable to do that battle with those kinds of odds, then why should any normal person be judged so badly and cruelly for suffering in similar ways?

His passing has made me shed my fair share of tears over it...he was a hero to me. I think truly, the best way to remember him and move forward, aside from playing his music loud and proud, is to give more care and attention to mental illness, to afflictions of the mind, heart, and soul, that may not be obvious. If Chester Bennington can struggle and suffer with it, so too can anybody and everybody else. Unfortunately, it's normal, it's human. It's a sad truth. And more sad yet, there is no true cure or fix for such things.

But a step in the right direction is to give more care and attention to these things, and not just let your feelings last as long as your sadness over the passing of said person does. Live that shit, make it a part of you, advocate for those who need it, even if that's yourself. If there is one bit of good that can be taken from a terrible loss like this, it's that we now have a responsibility to carry on that light, carry on that message that he was so vocal about it, and make it clear that such things are human, and that while there may not be an answer for everyone...everyone needs the same love and care as anybody else does.

We only have each other, we gotta make the best of it.

Peace.

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