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melon-official · 2 years

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😭, 🕷️, 📸 and 🌱 for all your agents

📣 and 🔪 for isaiah

💧 for amaranth and/or coral. or all your agents too if you'd like. i like angst <3

ONCE AGAIN COMIN IN CLUTCH WITH THE MULTITUDE OF ANSWERS I SEE <3

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

lily is not afraid of crying, but doesn't really have reason to very much anymore. there'd have to be a specific catalyst to her crying; some dredged-up memory or serious conflict that she can't solve logically

sunny would cry over stress more than anything else, but she's not really much of a crier either

amy and daisy are both somewhat easily driven to tears- amy over pretty much anything, and daisy over something she's angry about. check out this bit i found from a discord server ages ago

-lily will continually put off crying until she can't avoid it, and fail miserably at trying to hold a conversation through it -you don't realize sunny's been crying until she turns her head around n there are tears there -amy cries easily and as often as she needs to, big watery eyes and little hiccups -daisy's ANGRY about it. angry crier. but pretty good at looking like she hasn't been crying

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

lil's irrational fear: she likes being on stable ground. earthquakes, escalators, etc are not good for her. she's always afraid of her progress in life crumbling.. for this reason it takes years for her to fully relax after octo expansion. (and here comes splatoon 3 to ruin that again!)

sunny can't deal with squee-gs LMFAO (this stems from a certain experience early in octo canyon, and she does eventually get over the worst of this fear with help from lil's companion squee-g later on. her deep dark fears are already expanded upon here)

daisy doesn't have much to fear. her reaction time re: unexpected contact is ADVANCED and indicative of her personal trauma, but not a fear. but she does tend to get very worried about losing those she loves.

amy has an aversion to time limits, alarms, and other things like that (obvious). her internal fears have to do with inadequacy and self-preservation, which she covers up neatly with overperfectionism

📸 CAMERA - do they enjoy having their picture taken? what's their go-to pose? do they like taking photos? what do they take photos of?

lily isn't a particular fan of pictures, but she tolerates them. (moreso in group settings!) secretly, she likes knowing her experiences are documented- it's something she and her wife have in common.

sunny is more often the photographer than the subject. she's a selfie enjoyer, and she takes pictures of everyyyyything.

daisy loves being the model and will get her friends to take "candid" photos of her

^amy also loves this but she's less upfront about it

🌱 SEEDLING - what is their most vivid memory from childhood?

almost all of lily's childhood is a blur. she doesn't even remember her graduation well. if you asked her, she'd give you a batshit insane story from the inkopolis streets or some crazy thing she remembers from a hero mission

sunny's childhood is a blur for a different reason- but her most formative memory would have to do with theater, and the one she remembers best is buzzing her hair.

daisy.... uhm. she wouldn't be able to tell you anything remarkable about her childhood. most of it is military-centric

amy's much the same, but she could pick out a couple of good mem cakes for you to see! maybe the one where her friend tried to stick something on the underside of the octo oven dome, or this one where she struggles with her math homework?

📣 MEGAPHONE - how loud are they? what do they speak like? got a voice claim?

isaiah is definitely not the loudest of my ocs! he tends to be on the reserved side in situations where he's not very comfortable, but when he's around family or good friends (or particularly invested in a game/activity) he can let his emotions (and volume control) get the better of him.

im trying to comb thru cartoon boy voices for him and the closest i got is pitched down gumball boss

🔪 KNIFE - how do they react to injury / misfortune befalling their loved ones (significant other, family, friends)? do they put themselves at blame?

thank you so much for sending this in because this was originally the main reason i gave isaiah so much importance with canon. he has anxiety and takes unease very, very poorly. the days family was left out of the loop when sunny became an agent, and her disappearance worried him sick- and it drove him to anger when she turned up unharmed and unbothered

isaiah in general has the tendency to assume the worst of a situation and fret over the unknown, so it annoys him (at best) when he worries over nothing and sends him into worried spirals (at worst) if his fears are confirmed. (give him a break hes 15)

💧 DROPLET - random angst headcanon

amaranth, as the brain-bearing oc of my middle school years, got saddled with a lot of gender dysphoria. they're in a position where a complete masculinizing transition wouldn't sit right with them, but they feel uncomfortable in their body near constantly, so it feels as if theyre at an impasse presently.

coral's never truly at peace with her escape from the domes; she was quite a high-ranking officer in her time, and as her popularity as a musician climbs, the nagging fear that someone will recapture her and take her back to command stays in the back of her mind. she keeps herself busy and tries not to think about it too hard.

besides that long, long night at home after the metro, the effects of sanitization on lily first strike her just before she leaves for work one day. her brain had subconsciously blocked the entire eight-minute elevator fight from her memory, but over the course of her life it comes back to her a few seconds at a time; each recovered memory is enough to take her out for the day.

you've probably heard it before, but the experience behind sunny's squee-g phobia? she nearly gets run over by one of the big guys in back-alley cleanup and marie talks her down from a panic attack right out in the field. it gave her some clarity about the weight of her situation and her purpose as an agent... but at what cost

daisy's pre-canyon life was mostly military, yes, but she had a girlfriend! who also happened to be the commander of her battalion, and who went looking for her after she disappeared, and who she only recognizes by appearance. their romantic relationship is all but lost to her now, and it makes their present-day interactions rocky.

speaking of lost loved ones :^] amy's best friend in the domes was a daredevil octoling named goldie who left for kamabo when they were both teens. her disappearance eventually led amy to go searching for her, which led to her getting beat up by a younger lily on patrol, and later to her surprise landing in kamabo. the kicker is that until recovering the golden toothpick she doesn't remember goldie at all.

and as a treat for you: some years after octo expansion isaiah gets a call from sunny's phone, but it's not her. someone else is on the line giving him an address and telling him to drop everything and get over here, it's about his sibling. of course isaiah freaks out because what do you mean sunny can't get to her phone? she'd have to have broken all her cartilagebones or something. and, well, that's not far from the truth!

#THAT IS WORDS BRO! THAT SURE IS WORDS!#THANKSSSSS <33333 #thanks for the ask #my ocs #lily #sunny #daisy #amy #isaiah #amaranth #coral

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stillthewc · 2 months

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YEAR OF THE FANGAN - FEBRUARY EDITION

ꕥ DANGANRONPA THEAFTER ꕥ

Here's something you should know about me: I'm a frequent enjoyer of the "Fan Works" section of Danganronpa's TV Tropes page. It's always a blast to see what creators / fans of certain works create pages for and, while I've yet to check out most of the stuff on there, it's made me invested in several fangans. And one of those pages was for TheAfter, a video series I've put off actually checking out until now. (and who I apparently have this Absolute Chad to thank for it? Amazing work, king). Needless to say, this story exceeded all expectations I had for it!

Most of my enjoyment comes from how damn good the central mystery is, something that slowly unravels across each chapter. Obvious spoilers ahead (albeit ones I'll try to keep minimal), but said mystery revolves around a second class that was massacred, the connection between their circumstance and the current classes', and a character that was present for both events. Not only is seeing more information about this second class a blast to see, but so is how they tie into certain characters and their motivations.

Outside of that, another highlight for me is Konoe's effects on the narrative. While she's not my favorite character in this story or anything, I adore her for allowing the story to feel light and breezy, with even the more serious moments involving her feeling like they have an optimistic edge to them. This is exemplified in Chapter 1 super well, where her good nature actually seems to help one of her classmates for the better.

Dovetailing into another point of discussion, this perspective also makes her a super fun foil to Tachihaki. Both are very much the narrative yin and yang to one another, with her optimistic and personable nature clashing hard with his pessimistic and aloof personality. Any scene the two share is super fun, and helps carry the story for me.

That's not to say I don't like the other characters as well, because I think the class is super solid. Even with characters painted in an negative light, I can't bring myself to dislike anyone either due to their fun personalities, or seeing what their perspectives on the events killing game are. Seriously, any of these guys could be honorable mentions for my "Other Standout Characters".

With that said, please check this thing out! While it's a little hard to understand at times (the fangan's in another language, and is heavily reliant on subtitles to make sense of), it's nonetheless worth your attention!

FORMAT: Video

WHERE TO FIND IT: Youtube (and personal tip for watching: use the user-created English subtitles until they're no longer available, then switch open to Auto-Translate Chinese to English. It's not perfect, but the timing of the subtitles is accurate / the plot's still coherent.)

FAVORITE CHAPTER: Chapter 2. This chapter's absolutely stacked with content. POV splitting to help flesh out a side character? A motive that puts a fracture in the cast / shows off the true colours of people? The batshit insanity that is episode 14? It's all here! And, add in a trial led by an incredible antagonistic force, and you've got yourself some top-tier fangan content!

FAVORITE CHARACTER: Ryohei Seki. True to his title of the Ultimate Police Officer, Ryohei conducts himself as a calm, gentle person whose greatest desire in life is to be an embodiment of justice. Dependable, helpful and a respected figure to the class, he- oh. OH.

OTHER STANDOUT CHARACTERS: Tachihaki Hatami, for the reasons I've already listed in the overview above (and for me just enjoying his edgy "I'm not here to make friends" personality), and Koin Hatoyama, who quickly went from "guy in the prologue who's fine, I guess" to "holy shit this guy's emotional maturity about being an entertainer is really great, how was I sleeping on this guy before" (and is also my main suspect for either the traitor or mastermind, but that's neither here nor there).

#year of the fangan

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greysfall · 3 years

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My 4444-word review of NEO TWEWY (with personal illustration + heavy spoilers)

My overall critical score for the game is 7.5/10, while my personal enjoyment score is 8.5/10. This review is posted as I have 80% completed the game, got the secret ending and achieved the Angel psychic rank. I’ll first start with the main pros and cons as follows.

PROS:

- Enjoyable as a whole, still upholding the first game’s spirit in world building and sharing the same backbone - which was mostly revealed in the Secret Reports, it’s impossible to grasp the story without reading them.

- The new cast and new game is charming in their own way

- The old cast’s return is one of the biggest highlights for sure, it was fun and impactful. Everyone stays true to themselves and also had their own stories wrapped up nicely.

- Boss designs are cool, new pins are fun to use and collect

- The connection between the old and new cast is well written and executed, including but are not limited to the tension between the old and new protagonist, the weird but fun interaction between the 2 Composers, the new friendships revealed and formed

- Sho being in the main cast is something so uniquely TWEWY and uniquely Sho

- Still good music

- Still many fun side quests, some of them really uphold the same quirky spirit of the old game and some are surprisingly touching

- Many new nice stores and yummy looking foods to explore

- The map is really easy to memorize for me, it’s fun to travel around the “current” Shibuya to see all the differences compared to the past

- The social network is crazy and interesting to read through

- Has an anti-frustration system to help 100% complete the game more easily and earn money faster, so post-game is relatively managable.

- Overall, I really feel the efforts the team poured into making this as their passion project, not just during the development process but for all the last 14 years. They showed the vision of what they wanted to make, at the same time giving something to both the old as well as new fans.

CONS:

- The biggest problem with the game is scenario writing. The story is so heavily back-loaded. The director himself thought it would be better to balance out the tension flow by adding more at the beginning but gave in to the scenario writer in the end, probably due to time pressure. This results in an underwhelming execution of characterization and lots of wasted potentials for the first half of the game.

- I struggle to view it as a stand-alone game, since the backstory and the old cast both play such an important role in the core of the game. If someone plays this game without having played the OG, they can only enjoy it on surface value at best.

- The new cast is nice but most of them aren’t quite as intriguing as the old cast, maybe it’s cuz they’re all too nice deep down that they lack a little bit of an edge, of that batshit craziness that everyone in the OG used to have? I think some characters (Fret, Nagi) ended up weaker in terms of characterization because the writer is too afraid of making them unlikeable – which kind of backlashed cuz they only became likable in the most expectable way to cater for a specific group of fans. I would have wished for the other team leaders to be more crazy too, had they not suffered 30+ loops of the Game…

- The CAMERAWORK IS HELL.

- Gameplay does get tedious at certain points with all the time travels.

- Shiba is so badly written as a villain, some Shinjuku characters should be given more screentime cutting into Shiba’s– like Hishima or Kaie or even, Hazuki (though his limited presence also solidified his importance).

- Some of the main character designs, for example Beat’s hairstyle and his food reactions are hilariously bad. What’s the point of covering up most of his unique facial features?

- Some of the minor/side characters’ design are too cool for them to have such a small role (eg: Ayano, Eiru). Ryoji did get much screentime but is nowhere as fun as Makoto was.

- Overall the scope of this game is made a little too big for the team to handle as perfectly as the last game that was very compact, it felt somewhat rushed in development too so the missing pieces are clearly there in the final picture

The entry fee versus paying for it all in the end

An important difference between the Neo game and the original Shibuya game was that the Shibuya rule asked for an entry fee that is the Player’s most important asset, stated as a chance the Composer gives them to reexamine themselves. Meanwhile, the Shinjuku rule neither encourages nor allows personal growth and ultimately aims to erase as many Players as possible. It’s a pity we were never introduced to the full Shinjuku rulebook, as it seems like the system there focuses more on building up power and a grand government to compare with the individuality-driven system of Shibuya.

When you have to compare the new game and the original game (OG), this is an important factor to consider. Also, the OG has a serious storyline running through and through, locked with a different partner/GM creating unique atmosphere for each week and you don’t get to see your old partners again until the end. NEO’s team system does not allow such deep insight and communication between the Players. All of your teammates are always there throughout, the dynamic does change with each new addition but it is not as prominent as a partner change.

Another important factor is how the OG was built from scratch for a new platform as “something no one has ever seen before”, while Neo recycled a lot of old unused ideas from the previous development (check out this interview for more details). The development team for NEO lacks 2 key members and had a change of writer so the final product is not as strongly bound together as the last game.

The new cast is definitely inspired by today’s teenagers (from the view of creators), compared to the old cast they’re more sociable and always seem to take whatever works for them despite feeling unstable inside. They are all innocent and genuinely nice kids, avoiding to hurt each other to a degree that they end up keeping some sort of distance. They’re also unable to communicate at deeper levels, always stagnant at this half-baked stage of equilibrium without any motivation to get to the core of things. That is the cost of entering the game without an entry fee, without even dying or having a reason to be there/to fight seriously. These kids were stolen from the RG into a Game that was decidedly the worst environment for them to change or develop, just wandering around cluelessly to find a way “out” until tragedies started to unfold one by one and they ended up being charged the total sum of the price for their actions – ultimately losing everything in the end.

That is, I believe, a story arc which can resonate more to the youth of today rather than of my generation. If the message of the old game was to “listen”, enjoy life to the fullest and accept to trust others, the message of the new game is to “speak up” from the inside, trying to understand yourself and take actions instead of just going with the flow and finally, to take responsibility for such actions.

If Neku was handpicked by the Composer for being the special one with an all-dense soul to ensure victory of the game then Rindo was just a normal kid chosen out of random by Kubo to be his back-up plan, who just happened to have a high enough imagination to awaken the incredible power from his pin. Rindo was then officially chosen by the Composer as Josh picked up and handed the pin to him again, this time not as Josh’s personal Proxy – but as the Proxy to represent the normal people of Shibuya and via whom he could gamble if humans can fight for their own fate.

The underworld heroine and the hero with little of his own

Shoka is for me a refreshing and layered heroine. She’s the kind of character that took at least 3 trials of creators to form as a complete individual – that included Nomura who gave her the base design and Reaper background, Gen who gave a more cunning touch and the writers who made her English dialogues more punchy. Dishonesty equals “tsundere” is such a cliché, so the English writers tried really hard to avoid that trope in my opinion, while still letting her good intention come through.

She serves as the character who is informed of everything the players should have known, and there was almost nothing she could do about it. Almost. Until she met Rindo.

They were drawn to each other by sharing a state of “not having anything of their own”. They both started out with not being able to truly know themselves, Shoka even hated her RG life but also managed to mature from that stage before Rindo. She must have vibed with Shiki’s love and passion in the Gatto Nero threads, initiating her connection with Shibuya and understanding herself more. With Shoka as Swallow, they were able to open up to each other and offer mental support… but was still not getting to the centre of their problems because for all this time, Shoka could not tell Rindo the most important things about herself.

How did Shoka feel when she met Rindo at the UG? She probably didn’t want to hope that he would live the day until she witnessed the Twisters’ potentials. From the very beginning, they were both incredibly conscious of each other and also constantly frustrated that the person they happened to “notice” was such a condescending bitch/a clueless loser. The Shinjuku Reapers are overall quite drunk in power and uncompassionate to Players, Shoka included. She is also a master of dissociation, which results in her constant boredom, tone swings, haughtiness and subconsciously distancing herself from the friend – the boy she cares about – from false hope, as she judged from facts that it was a hopeless situation where nothing could ever be. Maybe she is naturally a bit of a chameleon just like her name suggests (Shoka 紫陽花 = hydrangea, the color-changing flower), so putting on an act and always dissociating herself from what’s important was easy, while hiding her contradiction was impossible. It was the ex-Reaper Beat who broke it out to her, that she should decide whether she really cared and wanted to do something for a change. He knew how it felt like to cross that line, and knew she wanted to too.

Shoka is endeared by many of the Shinjuku Reapers and has shown independent acts of kindness (the Shinjuku ghost), proving that her kind and truthful side is as real as her harsh and dishonest side – which makes her a nice mirror to the previous heroine Shiki, who also embraced a dichotomy of self-complex and self-love within her character. In the end, she was the first of the new cast to ultimately accept all that is important to her and independently made the decision to help save Shibuya despite all costs.

She was jealous at Rindo’s interaction with Tsugumi and Kanon but remained silent cuz she wasn’t at a place to have any say about it. She also didn’t reveal about Swallow because that would only add an awkward irrelevance to their current situation, as she was too ready to face erasure at the end of the Game. She only wished to “play a game” with him, be it FanGo or the Reapers’ Game. The tension that the team could only feel at the end, she’s felt it the entire time. The song “DIVIDE” is applicable to not just one bond in the game, but it always makes me think of theirs. There is always a “divide” between her and Rindo throughout the course of their journey, as the living and the dead, as a Player and Reaper, as someone who has a place to return to and someone who doesn’t, someone who knows little but wields too much power and someone who knows a lot despite not being able to do much.

“If only I had the chance to connect with you on the other side

But time goes on, and without us realizing it

The battle is getting heated

Time goes on, and without us realiazing it

Divided again”

To be honest, maybe I didn’t grow any affection for the new main cast from Rindo’s perspective but from Shoka’s. Since I started to sympathize with Shoka, I started to see the boy in a more “real” way. The real Rindo, behind his peaceful façade with others, would lash out on Shoka for her unfairly harsh attitude while none of the others cared. He could also subtly feel that mantle of unspoken secrets from her, her own contradictions, the unresolved chemistry between themselves – and not knowing what to do with it rather than to feel angry with all the unfairness he could not process. (As a Libra too, he’s triggered the most by unfairness!)

It is actually a positive development as he’s at least “reacting” to something strongly now rather than to keep evading his problems. During my replay, I clearly saw the difficult situation Shoka was in, her remaining harshness after the Motoi incident was due to her internal struggle with a mission to save her own life, versus a chance to really be with the team. Her decision was to do both at the risk of losing favour from both sides. Rindo started to accept her layer by layer, as the person who resonated the most to her contradicting nature from the start and knew that via learning her resolve, he has learnt his too.

Later into the game, she even got too much of his attention. Maybe even without knowing she’s Swallow, he’s familiar with her thinking direction and Swallow had always been closer to him than any other friend. It was only after she had to betray her important ones twice that she could start being truly honest. The scene when she died a 2nd time left a strong impression in me, the little reveal let Rindo know that he is also losing Swallow as he’s losing Shoka – and that only death could drive the last secret out of her. Her final “Later, loser” echoed through Rindo as it was the final truth, with only him remaining to hear it: they had actually, already lost everything.

Rindo was the boy who never dared to face all that matters to him until he lost it all, fighting an unfair battle in the faith that they would somehow still win. Shoka was the girl who always knew what was dear to her, but never dared to think she could be together with them ever after and still threw her all into a battle she knew was losing. I think they stir each other on naturally to fill out their gaps, similar to what the Shibuya game partner systerm would have aimed for. The end reward was a little divine intervention to help close up the divide between them once and for all.

During the game there was not enough space to process anything personal so at the ending when they officially became “friends”, it was an important affirmation of their bond. Some people complained it was friendzoning but it’s not, they just have arrived at the perfect place to start something more. “From now on, we will truly be together” – I read it as that kind of message.

The heroine from a lost battle, with her story taken away

After reading the secret reports and playing the game to be surprised of how small a role Tsugumi had in the main game despite being the “Hype-chan” thought to be a major character of the next TWEWY installment, many fans would feel sad at a missed opportunity to see the Shinjuku arc in full depiction.

It was shown clearly that, a Shinjuku arc was very carefully planned out and is a vital part of the whole story, yet it could not be made due to various circumstances behind the development scene. I would assume, that the team were not able to make a TWEWY game that ended on a despairing note, but it already happened in their mind, thus becoming a mental burden that forced them to break away from it and started the game anew with NEO. A significant part of NEO became the healing arc for the Shinjuku characters, especially for Tsugumi though I really wished more emphasis should have been placed on her rather than Shiba. We didn’t even get to see her brother – Shinjuku’s Conductor who had a vital role and instead was given the clueless Shiba, who had absolutely no idea what’s going on all the way until the last day in NEO. It’s as if Tsugumi has had her story stolen away from her, because her own battle ended with a saddening loss.

I think every time the game creators look at Tsugumi, they would feel that sadness too. Maybe to them, she is a bigger character than what is seen by the fans, as despite their failed effort to depict her story, she’s lived in their mind for all these years through periods of destruction, healing and rebuild. Though it is a pity we could not get to experience the full scope of the Shinjuku story, the creators was clear about the place they wished for it to arrive at.

Individuality, connection and the social network

The team system adapted from Shinjuku rulebook does not allow much room for personal development, as the team dynamic is closer to a work relationship forced to bear results, than a spiritual bond to max out all corners of understanding as found in the partnership system. The old Shibuya system allowed only 1 winner and 1 week limit per game, while the new rule declares for a 1 winning team and only the team at last place will be erased – the other teams will enter another loop. Furthermore, whichever team to challenge the unwinnable Ruinbringers will face the risk of ending up dead last followed by erasure. As a result, the longest-standing teams are most likely not the strongest ever recorded, but the ones who have figured out a strategy to simply survive until something changes, enjoying their newly found social constructs while they are at it. Basically, it is a system to hypnotise players into the illusion that they are still “living”.

Therefore, we as players would not get to the core of each Player individually as fast and directly as we did in the last game. The Twisters were able to stand out not because they’re powerful, they only started to have a real chance after growing enough to each form a meaningful and personal connection to another teammate. It did not come as a team, nor did it intiate from the existing friendship between Rindo and Fret. In fact, I did not find much solidity or anything truly note-worthy about the main team and new characters within themselves until they started clashing with other team members, Reapers and new recruits from week 2 onwards. Rindo found his personal development with Shoka (via a clash with Motoi and pretty much a mini dating sim between them), then via the confrontation of his role with Neku; Fret found his with Kanon then Nagi, the team learned about the real Neku via Beat, Neku entered the UG via Coco’s wish to save Tsugumi… it was not the team but their personal links that empowered them to fight and solve each of their problems.

The other team leaders may have failed because they did not form such personal links, after 30+ hopeless loops Fuya’s team all fell apart to pursue their own interest even at the cost of erasure, Motoi quit his KOL façade to work like a dog for the Reapers (probably to save just his own ass not his team), while Kanon dropped her tricks to find changes via honest cooperation in acceptance of a fair loss. The despairing note in that is huge without making much of a scene because their failure didn’t happen at their best effort to “win”, but in their last attempt to find a way “out”. Even Shiba got his way “out” in the end thanked to his personal friendship with Hishima and Tsugumi.

Something has shifted in the mindset of the game creators in the last 14 years, as both games are about “connection vs individuality” but the last game focuses more on connection between just individuals and this one on the overall network that is formed out of those individual connections.

The introduction of Beat into the main cast was truly the bridge between old and new, they helped each other out in several turns before officially recruiting him. Beat is a character whom a lot of fans including myself have felt somewhat concerned about after Neku disappeared from the RG, so when the new kids welcomed Beat with warm and organic interaction and Beat seemed happy, I started to feel like I wanted to help them out too! I think the overall team chemistry is enjoyable enough for new players, but I could warm up to the new kids more from the pov of a returning character – whom I’m glad to be Beat, as the older brother figure who is genuinely kind, fun, serious and upbeat at the same time; who is needed and needs the kids in return.

The social network is a fun and refreshing feature. You can read all of the crazy tidbits about Shibuya and the links each character have formed with the town people, it’s also fun to visualize how the characters act off screen. Characters’ profiles provide extra insight into their background too, like how it reveals Tsugumi has been friend with Coco during her time in the RG. During the game when not all characters have showed up, you can sometimes guess which empty spot will belong to whom. For example there is a 1 character linking to Neky that is not linked to anyone else, so I could guess that was Joshua, and that another character linking only to Joshua was probably Hazuki, hinting that the 2 Composers are related before either of them even showed up.

Hazuki only showed up for 5 minutes, but his presence is so vital and true to the game that I think he is the most memorable out of the new cast. The two Composers have such an intriguing bond, with their yin/yang or phoenix/dragon themes, opposite color design, the sempai/kouhai tone and the way they keep some sort of distance/work relationship as if it’s mandatory between Higher beings, yet at the same time they can talk so casually because they are truly equal – and different from one another. I have written a separate meta on them here.

Some people pointed out, that all Shinjuku characters’ names and themes are based off Hanafuda cards and the Phoenix in Hanafuda belongs to the Paulownia suit – which is Joshua’s name flower. This is so interesting because it feels like the creators somehow saw it as a sign to interweave the Shibuya and Shinjuku storylines together. Though it doesn’t come out much on the surface, it’s fascinating nonetheless considering both Josh and Haz had at some point interfered with the other town’s affairs.

“Shibuya tour with Haz” was such a special scene, as it happened between 2 characters who do not/no longer have a reason to care about Shibuya, on the subject of what is worth saving about Shibuya. Hazuki carried out the purification of Shinjuku and stepped in to restore Shibuya just as part of his job and unlike Hanekoma or Joshua who both possess profound understanding of humanity, he really didn’t know humans at all. Rindo’s irrational wish invoked in him a sense of curiosity, to try gambling on something irrationally and learning a bit of what his senior have experienced. With all the pieces put together, it provides an overview on Higher beings as a whole, and that Joshua and Hanekoma are really the odd ones out with Hazuki being somewhere in between them and the rest.

The old friends

It’s easy to have returning characters overshadow the new cast as they have already matured out of their personal story arc and stayed in our hearts for all this time. In the end, I have managed to enjoy both the old and new cast separately and altogether, and they will both find their own place in our memory of this game for the long term.

Sho is truly as crazy as ever, the game wouldn’t be the same if Sho is any less of what he is. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like Neky or Beat is younger than Nagi at all, with moments when it seems like Neky has aged 14 years instead of 3 years. His friendship with Coco surprised me pleasantly, and their interaction together with Beat was fun to watch. Rhyme’s found a new dream and her friendship with Kaie is precious too, especially considering that she can still talk to him online after the game ended. Josh and Neku’s interaction suggested that they have resolved the past and are on equal terms now, they even parted ways in good spirit and I don’t feel any worry about them like I did before.

Neku and Shiki’s reunion scene was beautiful, theirs is such a special bond that it has grown and supported them even without being able to see each other. I am so happy to see them all again and that they stay true to who they are, albeit looking more grown up, cooler and happier than ever before.

Overall, NEO can’t become a classic on par with the OG, but is definitely a good sequel and a good game in its own rights. I’m happy with whether or not there will be a 3rd game to complete the 3 monkeys theme, but if there will be – I hope the creators can really find the time to learn from the last 2 games and start over with a fresh mindset and strong core.

#neotwewy #neotwewyspoilers #ntwewy #ntwewy spoilers #neo the world ends with you #twewy #review #meta #neo twewy #shoka sakurane #rindo kanade #tsugumi matsunae

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snowboiwinwin · 3 years

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The Boyz as my University Professors

Disclaimer: Some of my professors are evil bitches; none of the boys are truly evil and I am in no way implying they are or trying to make them look bad! I love the boys and I just thought it would be a fun thing to post :D

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Sangyeon:

the one professor that absolutely loves the topic of his class

super wholesome and smiley throughout the 90 minutes class time

getting super close to the camera (actually to the mic) because he is worried students won’t hear him well enough

always asking questions and encouraging students to interact

not offended when something isn’t clear and therefore students don’t know the answer

reading EVERY. SINGLE. MESSAGE written in the chat (sometimes students have mic problems or don’t wanna speak)

making everyone feel valid and appreciated

being super calm and relaxed

barely doing breakout-rooms cause he knows no one likes them

ending class always a little earlier cause “I know how stressful your life can get.”

just the cutest prof out there

Jacob:

another sweet guy

never holds class at its normal timeframe

just uploads all the files students will need (although attendance is supposed to be mandatory)

“you guys are all grown-ups, I trust you to decide yourself when it is the best time for YOU to study.”

constantly uses smileys and is therefore super popular with students

doesn’t teach many classes, cause which good prof does that? ugh

gets right back at students when they email him their concerns

and no, you don’t get half-assed answers

you get a very detailed answer, which is rare in university life

THANKS STUDENTS FOR SENDING HIM THEIR HOMEWORK!!!!

“Dear [name of stundet], thank you very much! 😊”

offers students to call him by his first name

“I’ll call you by your first name too if that’s okay... creates a more comfortable atmosphere!”

the best <3

Younghoon:

he is a savage professor

his look is hella scary and students fear taking his classes

but he is actually the coolest and most laid back dude ever

the first time class is held, he comes in, stone cold expression and literally throws his bag on the desk - everyone is hella scared

then he says, in the scariest voice ever, “We can have fun here in class, no problem, but i AM YOUR PROFESSOR. NOT YOUR FRIEND. Remember that.”

*everyone scared to death*

“Welcome to class everybody! My name is Mr. Kim and I am very looking forward to teach this class in our summer term! Feel free to ask any question that might come up and don’t hesitate to reach out to me whenever!”

no need to be scared, he is a sweetheart

strict and has high expectations, but won’t overdo it with homework or assignments

constantly jokes around but then switches back to being serious

he creates a nice atmosphere where students want to learn something and do it voluntarily

cares for his students and appreciates their hard work - especially during the pandemic

“I know this is not easy for any of us but I am so amazed by your guys’ work this semester. It was an absolute pleasure teaching you. I hope to see you guys again, but not in this class. Please don’t fail.”

I love him

Hyunjae:

omg, he is an absolute legend

class starts and he is doing his introduction part

the class i about british literature

“Welcome to this literature class, you are in for a long ride!”

so far so good right?

“Let me just say, British Literature is an ABSOLUTE shit show!”

when I tell you, I almost died hearing that (no offense to anyone, pls don’t take my profs words to heart... he lives for british literature 🥺)

he definitely has his students hooked with this one sentence

“the teacher that taught this class before me... what was he even talking about! I mean, british literature is so much more than what he made it out to be!”

basically starts ranting

teaches with so much passion

can’t forget the jokes here and there

also uses smileys which students seriously love (at least I do)

wants students to be informal with him as well

“moving on to this next topic... a little disclaimer before we start: I will go batshit crazy with this topic because I LOVE IT. So please tell me to shut up when I exceed the 10 minutes mark. Thank you!”

A savage legend that everyone loves

sadly only teaches a handful of classes as well

Juyeon:

super laid back and chill

does never check attendance and just trusts his students

usually talks most of the time and doesn’t ask too many questions

is super happy when students contribute though

but he isn’t one to force them

“I know your day has probably been really long, so it’s okay. I’m not taking this personal.”

his class is not based on theory but more on experiences he made

shares funny stories, mistakes he made and what he learnt from them

always gives the smallest and easiest homework ever

“please just share your experiences with these types of situations in our forum”

and he does not want to grade students based on an exam

“I have a better idea. In order to understand a certain topic, I want you to write a portfolio about it. It should be detailed but I won’t give you a number of words. Do what feels right and surprise me! Be creative, nothing will be worth a failing grade as long as you put in some effort.”

does split classrooms

one half is in the main room with him, the others are in breakout rooms, working on a certain topic

super chill and just not as hard as some other classes

but students definitely learn from him!

Kevin:

oh boy, students either gonna hate or love him

he is very kind and nice but he is STRICT

take his class serious and work or you will fail

although he has very high expectations, he will make sure students will be prepared for all the essays, assignments and presentations he throws at at them

no half-assed instructions, you will get the full program (as every student should!)

you have to write an argumentative essay but have no idea how to do that?

Professor Moon (students are allowed to call him Kevin) will explain an argumentativ essay in detail, will show examples and will tell you exactly what to put in it

having trouble finding sources?

Kevin will help you, just let him know!

Also a very empathetic teacher

something happened and you can’t attend class? Absolutely no problem

whenever something serious happens (for us it was a shooting), Kevin will cancel class and spare his students cause their well-being is more important

he doesn’t throw out A’s and B’s easily but when you do get such a grade in one of his classes... dude, you did a really good job

so as I said, he is either your fav or least fav professor... choose your side!

Chanhee:

he is a bitch (not really, but he gives the impression)

at first, he is that nice, bubbly professor

super friendly and kind

and his classes are absolutely okay! no biggie

or so they THOUGHT

his exams and progress tests or whatever ARE HELL

he makes it seem as everything is so easy and not overwhelming at all

BUT nothing is easy and everything is overwhelming

50 pages for a damn progress test two weeks into the semester!

the grading is so strict, you need at least 65% to pass! (maybe I am a baby but 65% is a lot for a passing grade hahaha)

but he confuses students

he is so kind and soft spoken

constantly smiling and in a good mood

but the exams????

are you sure you were the one creating them Mr Choi?

and yes, he is one of those professors that wants to be addressed by his last name (nothing wrong with that)

as I said, he confuses students

they don’t know what to think of him

at the end of the day he isn’t a bad guy

just not the type of professor the students would want in every single class for the rest of their lives

Changmin:

changmin is not your ordinary professor

because he is a big fan of team-teaching

so all his classes are taught by him and his dear colleague Haknyeon!

YAAAAY

I love this duo already

he is the part of the duo that is EXTREMELY motivated

he is is so hyper and so ready for teaching

his classes are always fun but also slightly overwhelming?

juts imagine having too much caffeine in your body

that is changmin being able to teach something he loves

that’s just the passion jumping out of him

he is constantly talking and laughing and throwing jokes left and right

he is having a good time!

super understanding and empathetic

and although everything seems fun and games

you will definitely learn from him!

he has this natural and authentic way of teaching in his body

it comes... naturally and it all makes sense somehow

although the class is packed with inside jokes and changmin teasing haknyeon

haknyeon doesn’t even have time nor the chance to speak

this is changmin’s time to shine!

they love and hate each other

but the students definitely love this iconic duo

Haknyeon:

as I mentioned; haknyeon and changmin are a team

it wasn’t really something haknyeon wanted but... how could you possibly say no to baby changmin? 🥺

so yes, changmin’s cute face got him into this situation

he doesn’t even have to prepare anything for class - his lovely colleague does the talking anyways

he usually lays back and relax

he frowns into the cam cause he tries to intimidate students

but they know he is a soft guy anyways

while changmin is talking, he is chatting to students in the chat

as I mentioned earlier, not everyone wants to unmute themselves and therefore posts in the chat

so he is having chats with students, often not even related to the topic

“Please excuse me, I will be absent for a few minutes - mommy duties” -student

“Don’t worry Miss! I know exactly what you mean... children.” -haknyeon

whenever he tries to get a word in, he has to talk VERY LOUDLY

he literally has to talk over changmin

but changmin doesn’t mind, he just smiles, nods and listens

changmin is super proud whenever haknyeon speaks

and haknyeon thinks that’s very sweet

but that thought passes as soon as changmin makes a joke about him

at the end of the day, they love each other at least to a certain extent and students adore them

Sunwoo:

he is not an ordinary professor either

class time? virtual meetings?

nope, not with sunwoo

again, in the classes the boyz teach, attendance is mandatory

mandatory? sunwoo has never heard of her

he doesn’t require students to attend meetings and homework is also something he does not expect from them

he uploads powerpoint-presentations with videos and audio of him explaining everything in the presentation

but the boy is clumsy

and he is not good with anything technical

so him dropping his glass and spilling his water all over his lap?

well, students will see this in the video

“... and it’s important to- YAAAAH OH NO....”

*awkward silence*

“I spilled my water... if you haven’t seen.”

*more awkward silence*

“Give me a minute”

*the video continues and sunwoo is nowhere in sight*

after ten minutes of an empty chair, sunwoo returns and continues as if nothing has happened

sometimes his kids walk in and dab in the camera without him noticing

“and then - Hey! I am at WORK.”

he loves it though

and he posts these “fail” videos on purpose

“I want to show you, that it is okay to not be perfect and to not be in control of everything! Stuff like that happens, especially with us being in home-office! And don’t worry, if your mom walks in or whatever, in my classroom no one gets judged! This is life and now that we have to do everything from home, the unexpected is unavoidable!”

Another students’ favorite

Eric:

I would love to imagine him as this savage prof I have in mind... but no <3

he is a sweet guy

also super obsessed with the class he is teaching

he is LIVING for it

usually experiences technical problems right before class starts

“oopsie daisy, sorry guys... might take a few minutes *giggles*”

and no, it’s not a creepy giggle but a really cute one, I swear!

constantly has a pen in his hand and clicks it absentmindedly while teaching

students constantly hear the clicking sound... or when the pen falls to the ground.... which happens every five minutes

he constantly forgets to mute himself whenever he wants students to work by themselves and all they hear is him chugging down his water or whatever drink he has prepared

also sends out super sweet emails

but due to him being a young dude, he wants students to call him by his last name

he also calls students by their last name but he does use smileys to lighten the professional mood that comes with honorifics

overall a very motivated but extremely kind-hearted dude

#the boyz #scenarios #kpop #imagines #reactions #headcanon #the boyz as #eric sohn #jacob bae #kevin moon #ju haknyeon #younghoon #hyunjae #juyeon #sunwoo #sangyeo #chanhee #changmin

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blackdevilwhitedemon · 3 years

Text

Writing An Otome Isekai Thingy

Anyway, as the title states, I'm writing an otome isekai thingy! I didn't know where else to post this (besides r/otomeisakai), so here I am. I'm writing one for 3 reasons.

A- I’m very bored. :(

B- My brother rec me one of these things a few months ago; I've descended into the rabbit hole ever since.

C- Writer's block! I wanna write for my fanfics, but my brain said no. Maybe if I write OG content it can get my creative juices going and I can finally go back to working on updates.

Had a couple of ideas for a story and had my brother pick one by random.

The 'guy gets reincarnated as the yandere capture target' idea got picked.

My general idea is that a guy who’s an Otaku and reads/watches romance series as a guilty pleasure gets reincarnated into an otome. He actually played the otome he’s in bc his younger sister basically nagged him to bc she wanted someone to talk to about it.

He realizes though that he woke up as the baby version of Shamus Hendell, the yandere capture target of Yellow Rose of Amarea.

Yanderes don’t typically become yanderes through a loving family and a good life, so of course this character had a tragic anime backstory and goes through maybe hardships in his life before ending up in the academy where the game starts.

The MC realizes this and is freaking out, bc he doesn’t want to deal with the series of horrible events that the OG character went through.

I like series where the Protag kisses up others to survive bc even if they’re appealing to others, typically they are the ones who have others wrapped around their fingers. (And for some reason that’s assuming to me.)

So he kinda ends up doing that. He seeks out the other capture targets, and the heroine and villainess. Mostly to get them on his side. His thought process is, ‘if I can’t really protect myself, why not get ppl in higher places to do it for me?’

And it does work as he gets very chummy with the 2nd prince who’s the one that gets him out of the bad situation first. And bc he has the attention of the second prince, he’s able to meet some of them other characters.

There’s a few characters he won't meet until the academy arc, but most of the important characters he’ll meet around here.

For instance, there’s the commoner character who got into the school through scholarships or bc he has high/rare magic skills or whatever. He’s also one of the capture targets. The MC doesn’t want to find him bc he wants his guy on his side, but bc he knows this guy is actually batshit crazy. He wants to find him earlier to stop him from blah blah that the guy does in all his endings. But he cannot find him until then bc this dude is a commoner and the MC is still technically a part of high society. So it was basically impossible to find him.

This is going to be a big anxiety of the MC once he’s in a more comfortable position. Knowing that this guy in the future will try to do smth very drastic and dangerous, is still out there.

The MC will try to appeal to important characters by acting weak and soft, like, a crybaby a guess? He wants to seem like a little rabbit to others. And to his utter surprise, it fucking works. (He’s taking advantage of his softboi looks, as the character was designed to look feminine and non-threatening so fans during the hype wouldn’t be able to tell the character was going to be a yandere. And therefore making the fact like, a plot twist in the game as Shamus comes off as a quite n’ shy guy at first.)

He forms a bromance with the 2nd prince. After some stuff happens he befriends the villainess who ends up crushing on him. The villainess big bro who’s a siscon is chill w/ him since his sister likes him. But is very much in the mindset that if the MC hurts his sis in any way, he’s never gonna see the light of day. The heroine falls for him very quickly which is actually off-putting for him. (The joke is that she’s airheaded & kinda dumb. She just has a very cheerful personality by default. The reasoning is that that’s how marketing portrayed her and since she’s supposed to be a blank slate that’s just what her personality turned into.) The heroine 100% has her bangs covering her eyes.

The MC leaves a powerful impression on the short cute boy (who’s actually a meanie) and later in the academy arc has this weird anime admiration for him. You know what I’m talking about. The commoner, while harboring a hatred for the aristocrats and nobles, respects the MC to an extent later turning into a crush. (That of which will absolutely give the MC whiplash.)

Two characters who are mobs in the game become the MC’s normal friends when he feels like the personality of the main characters are too much. Maybe he has more mob friends idk yet, but two of the ones he adored as characters the most both end up having crushes on him. One girl, one boy.

5 ppl will like-like him. Perfectly balanced as all things should be.

He definitely takes advantage of this lmao. (In like, a protection squad way, not harem.)

Maybe I’ll even have two of the girls lose interest bc they realize they like each other,,,, Have a lilly aside romance,,,, You know bc,,,gurls pretty,,,,

My need for sapphic content aside, ultimately my goal is to have fun while writing this and confuse the heck hacky out of my readers on who the true love interest will be. >:)

I guess I’ll mostly be writing this with a wattpad audience in mind??? (But it’s mostly just for fun so who knows.)

Since AO3 is more oriented to fanfics, my Quotev is the physical manifestation of a dead goldfish in a bowl, and I don’t think this is smth the ppl on FictionPress would like to read about… So yeah, my Wattpad audience it is. I have no choice.

I’m still on the 1st ch as I keep revising my outline. I at least want a solid outline of the first arc before I post anything. Imma try and attempt constant updates but to do so I need to know wtf I’m doing. So all this jazz is subject to change.

And just to let you know how the tone of the story will be (for most of it, the 1st arc is definitely going to be more serious), the title for chapter 1 is ‘Sorry Truck-kun, You’ve Been Replaced’ since he died by choking on an apple instead of being hit by a truck.

#textpost #otome isekai #isekai #isekai novel #writing wip #my writing #story ideas

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lawgrain · 4 years

Text

Spiteful: Scavenger Hunt

Yeah, so this is a day early but that’s never caused complaints before (Aka I’m impatient and posted). This is an extra scene from my main story “Spiteful” that can be found here. If you haven’t read it AND like BNHA, then you might want to check it out. Anyway, this part didn’t fit in anywhere but because tomorrows chapter is so angsty I thought a bit a fluff would even it out. That and I liked this scene so here it is. Enjoy!

Extra Scene: Scavenger Hunt

Hatsume thought that this was going to be fun. She had thought that she and Bakugou could do something despite him being under house arrest.

She forgot that her friend was batshit crazy.

Most people would assume Hatsume was the crazy one in their duo. Those people had obviously not experienced what Bakugou believed to be a fun time.

In hindsight, Hatsume had already known what Bakugou’s sense of fun was. And most of the time, it worked out in her favor. Generally speaking, Bakugou was an adrenaline junkie and loved to train. That worked out very well in the fact that he seemed to enjoy testing out her more dangerous experiments. Sure, neither of them liked when things got too dangerous, but testing things out was always a good time. Even this would usually match up with Hatsume’s sense of fun but Bakugou had somehow ruined it.

It started out as a sort of way to cheer Bakugou up. He had been banned from Ground Beta, but Hatsume hadn’t been. She also knew that Bakugou had a stockpile of artwork from Ground Beta. With that in mind, she suggested a start to their ongoing scavenger hunt game. The rules were simple, Bakugou would hand her one of his drawings and she’d have to take a picture of it from the exact same angle. He wouldn’t tell her any details of where he drew it from and she’d simply have to find it.

Some pictures took longer than others. Bakugou apparently had a tendency to find extremely hard angles to recreate. On a few occasions he had insisted that she bring some of her Babies along with her, just in case. Those were usually times when his art would bring her to the top of a skyscraper. Once she even found herself on the top of a planetarium. Today was not one of those days.

Today she wanted to kill Bakugou.

Hatsume: Are you kidding me?!

Bakugou: ??

Hatsume: Did you actually draw the picture from THE SEWER?

Bakugou: You figured that out surprisingly quick

Has Hatsume mentioned that she wanted to kill Bakugou? Because she did. It had not taken her a “surprisingly quick” amount of time to figure this one out. No, it had taken her ages and now she finds that it’s in a nasty old sewer. And Bakugou had smirked when he handed her the drawing. A damn smirk. And what was Bakugou even doing in the sewer? Nevertheless, she held her phone camera down near the drainage entrance and snapped a picture.

Hatsume: You’re insane. Here’s your picture.

Bakugou: Hey that wasn’t the deal!

Bakugou: Same picture, same angle, same everything

Hatsume: ...

Hatsume: You’re not serious.

Bakugou: Dead serious. A deal is a deal.

Hatsume: I am not

Bakugou: Suck it up. Get in the sewer

Hatsume: How do even get in there???

Bakugou: I think you know.

Hatsume did know. She was just ticked off that he was making her get into the sewer to take a picture of the city from it. And overall, why?

Just why did Bakugou do that himself? He had no idea they were going to make this into a game, so that meant that he chose to do that with no other prompting. What was wrong with him? And with that, Hatsume found her way into the sewer. Like a rat. Bakugou made her become a sewer rat.

Hatsume: I hate you.

Bakugou: So do you admit defeat?

Hatsume: Here’s the dumb picture, sewer boy

Bakugou: Shit sewer princess. I didn’t think you had it in you.

Hatsume: I work with grease and mechanics all day. You knew I had it in me.

Bakugou: Yeah whatever.

Bakugou: Still fucking hilarious

Hatsume ignored the text. She’d kill him in person.

When she got to Bakugou’s dorm, he still had a dumb smirk on his face.

“Like the sewer?”

Hatsume raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Why? Why in the world were you down there?”

“I wanted to see what the world looked like as Pennywise.”

Pennywise. The clown from It. She couldn’t even tell if he was joking or not.

“And you stayed down there to draw a picture?”

“What kind of dumbass does that? I just took a picture on my phone and got the hell out.”

He had a picture.

On his phone.

They both had pictures on their phones from the inside of the sewer of the exact same thing. What was even the point?

For all of the brains they pretended to have, they were so dumb.

She loved it.

#spiteful fic

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dumbfuck-mojave · 4 years

Note

Aight lass. How would your OCs react to their best friend getting seriously hurt or dying? Feel free to take your time. I still got drafts from a year ago lol

Brief mentions of parent death, low self-esteem, depression and hinted at suicidal thoughts.

These might start sounding a bit alike so fair warning. This is going to be as if the friend got seriously hurt, then eventually died from that injury. If I get more of these in the future I might do mini stories for them but now it’s just kind of tidbits. Also, if you want other characters or a more in-depth character story for this prompt, feel free to ask. Featuring the protags of the “main games”, excluding Kleos but fo76 is a tricky subject.

Jacqueline: Jacqueline is a very calm person, which may sometimes come off as cold. If she found out one of her close friends was severely injured, she would be at their side while they recover. Ever the mom friend the person in question would probably be in for a “You have to be more careful” kind of scolding if the injury was caused by the friend’s actions. If the injury was another persons doing the same discussion of being more watchful would happen, but you damn well know the person that caused this is going to get a very scary lecture from a glaring Jacqueline. If/when the friend succumbed to their injuries, she would just close her eyes and deeply breathe to steady herself. After that, she would begin to make arrangements and go through their things alone if they had no family. If they did, she still would help them with the prior things, she isn’t the person to sit idly by, especially if the friend requested something specific before they passed. But late at night, her body would be wracked with sobs and she buried her head in her pillow.

Jackie: Would legit just act the same if she found out one of her friends was injured. Might get a little bit nervous if it was very very serious but other than that, it’s good. She would sit by their beside telling jokes, stories, just acting like she usually would. She doesn’t know why she’s fine with it, maybe because she doesn’t want to pity them. She would go batshit on the person that hurt them though. Eventual death would be a whole other story. Just, immediate shutdown. Even if they were progressively getting worse, she still figured they would get better, right? She doesn’t let anyone comfort her or touch her after it happens. She doesn’t even cry at first, just screams at people, gets angrier, riskier. Someone finally has to get her to stop. They tell her she’s going to get herself killed, is that what she wants? “Maybe it is.” She spits, running away again. There will finally be a breaking point where she’ll just be curled up somewhere, sobbing.

Evie: Oh no, don’t do this to her. She’s probably the one healing them, stern face as she does it. She tries to separate being doctor and being friend for the time being. Only after she has bandaged them up to the best of her ability will her facade finally crack and a waterfall of tears come out. The exact opposite of Jackie, she craves comfort, even if at some points she doesn’t want to admit it. She needs to know they’re ok. Already feels partially responsible for her mother’s death, so she tries her best to keep her friend alive. When her friend dies, she feels miserable. She knows it isn’t a healthy mindset to be in, she tried so hard to keep them alive, but it just feels another burden get added to her shoulders. Evie will lock herself away but again, craves comfort and desperately needs it. To know she’s not a failure, a nothing. It’s praises and reassurances like this that keep her moving forward.

Hazel: If she wasn’t around to help them, she blames herself. If she was around to help them, she blames herself. She’s thought before that she’s a bad omen, but this solidifies it more. She would sit on a chair by their bedside, knees against her chest and she hold their hand. Thumb rubbing over the back of it, even if she didn’t mean to. Her voice would also get quieter during this time without her trying. The death would hit her hard. She would stay silent for a good while after it, the most she would say is one to two word answers to something. She would curl p in her bed and just stare blankly at the wall. Slowly, she starts to open up again. She’s tired as hell dude. She’s tired of running away, of feeling bad about herself. She just wants everything to be okay. But it’s not and it makes her sad. Hazel needs comfort at this time too, a hug or a reassuring squeeze to the shoulder to tell her it wasn’t her fault. She tries her best now, for them. She won’t forget them. Would like to have something of theirs, if possible. To hold onto.

Natasha: Oh, what a shocker. Of course this would happen. She doesn’t know what entity cursed her to always hurt and lose her most cherished loved ones, but it’s huge dick. She either visits them frequently or stays with them. In the early morning hours she’s reading by their bedside or concentrating on a sketch. She draws what surrounds them, her friends, the plants, the animals, objects. If they are incapacitated and particularly are not enjoying it, she will take their requests. The only smiles she produces during this time are small ones, with a hint of sadness lingering. This reminds her of her mother, sitting at someone’s bedside like this. Even then, her father hadn’t allowed her or her younger sister in the hospital room during the final days of her mother’s life before she finally succumbed to her disease. Some of her mother’s final words to her was a promise of survival. That promise was broken and this time Natasha is determined to be with her friend through death or recovery. When they finally die, she doesn’t react at all aside from the very few tears she sheds in public. She doesn’t react because she bottles it all up. She’s dying on the inside. It would take someone truly close to her to get her to tear down the walls. She sobs into that person’s arms that night.

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thugnan · 5 years

Text

Stay Tuned for Danger (PC 1999)

Remember opinions are subjective :)

Story: 7/10

Characters: 8/10

Puzzles: 7/10

Chores: 6/10

Final Rating: 7/10

First one I ever actually beat, this game had the right amount of puzzles and was more linear and straightforward compared to its predecessor. The graphics aged decently, but some of the glitches didn’t. It’s easy to get stuck places if you didn’t pick up certain things earlier in the game. The story is one of the more interesting, and least ridiculous in my opinion. Little details were put in, and most were relevant to the plot. The characters I found very memorable. And I liked the option of being able to accuse any of the main players. Chores got a 6 because the audio mixer thing really should tell you when you’ve triggered breaking into the agent’s office.

Plot (spoilers obviously):

Dear ol’ Aunt Eloise must low-key be hoping I get murdered because she sends me into danger again. Rick Arlen is a dweamy soap opera star who is getting death threats. He’s kind of a dick, so I mean not surprised, but his ex-gf and co-star is worried about him so Thug Nan is here to save the day.

We meet the sweetest, purest, most precious character in the entire series (plz bring her back), Mattie Jensen at her bougie apartment in New York. And I’m telling you now, that if anyone who’s ever played this game thought for one second that this beautiful child did anything wrong in her life, then yalls need to gtfo.

She tells you about how Rick has been getting scary letters, and dead flowers, and poisoned chocolates, but isn’t taking it seriously. She also invites you to watch a taping of the show later.

When you get to WWB (the studio), you notice that all the magazines in the waiting area have the letters cut out. I’m skeptical that the person who’s been sending the letters sat in the waiting room cutting out all the letters. I’m also skeptical that they went through the trouble of stealing them, cutting the letters, and bringing them back. You’re telling me a multi million company like WWB can’t afford to replace a couple of magazines every now and then. Okay, I’m thinking too much about this magazine thing.

We enter the taping and of course because we’re here a giant light rig falls from the sky and nearly kills Rick. He goes full Karen (rightfully so, but also u shoulda been taking those warnings seriously), and says he's gonna complain to his agent before storming off stage. We investigate and meet all the suspects:

Mattie is technically a suspect cause she’s an ex but we’re gonna ignore that.

Prop Lady: She does not hide her hatred of Rick at all, but I like her batshit shenanigans. I think her name is Mildred, and is apparently the heir to the WWB fortune. She may not be capable of murder, but she can afford to hire someone to murder on her behalf, just sayin.

Lilian a.k.a. The Director: Rick has apparently hit it and quit it with all the females in the building, and boy is Lillian salty about it. She hates everyone, especially me, she throws me out of the studio immediately. Jokes on her because no one can get rid of Thug Nan that easily.

Mattie is able to talk to her agent about getting me a job on set as an extra. We meet our fourth third suspect:

Dwayne Powers: Dwayne is my favorite character in the whole series probably because he’s the worst, and not in a good way. He’s Mattie’s agent, but he hates Rick cause he used to be his agent too before Rick upgraded to Bill Pappas.

Bill Pappas is in this game too, but you never really meet him. In the same way you never met the Janitor in Secrets Can Kill… suspicious. Although I don’t know what you would want to kill your own talent.

Sleuthing around (and getting hit on by Rick non-stop) you discover that the light was sabotaged and that everyone technically has a motive to want to kill the guy. Someone tries to MURDER him again, by putting a bomb in his dressing room that Thug Nan finds and disarms because apparently she’s been trained in this?

ALSO the order to cut the wires in is found in Mattie’s dressing room, determined by highlighter and juice stains. It wasn’t hard to figure out, but it was very flash escape room-y. But my girl would NEVER, so idk what was up with that.

So after disarming the bomb, we’re able to break into the studio...

at niiiight.

Going through everyone’s shit and breaking all kinds of trespassing laws, we learn that:

Lillian probs sent Rick the nasty chocolate and she has serious anger management issues. She’s also trying to get his ass fired.

Someone be running around by the name of Owen W Spader, and sabotaging all kinds of shit. He’s represented by Dwayne also.

The tape used in the bomb tape recorder was probably recorded somewhere in New York. Idk why we had to do this part but whatever.

So we go to Dwayne’s Office at niiightt. We break in using a card like we have most of the game, and low key I’m salt that this doesn’t work in all the games. In the office we look up Owen’s file, and there is no picture. We snoop through Dwayne’s shit, and learn that my sweet Mattie loaned this fool 5k. There’s also a bunch of bills and eviction notices everywhere, along with a ticket to Rio. This is not looking good for dear old Dwayne.

You go home and now there’s a threat for you. Oh shit you’ve pissed someone off. Yikes. In the morning, you ask everyone if they’ve met Owen. Mattie’s like Owen? Who is she? Rick pretends to know him and proceeds to hit on Thug Nan, I mean she did save his life or whatever. Mildred doesn’t know him either but boy does he borrow shit from the prop room. Lillian yells at you about how no one cares and tells you to go die in a ditch.

So you go home again, only to have Lilian booty call your ass back to the studio…. At niiight. When you get there she’s like I got a death threat too, but who could be behind this. And Thug Nan is like “Here Lillian, let me Tom Riddle Owen W Spayder’s name for you, ohh would you look at that? DWAYNE POWERS HAS THE EXACT SAME LETTERS IN HIS NAME. I can’t believe you needed a teenager to tell you that but you’re welcome.”

Dwayne obviously read Chamber of Secrets, cause he decides to show up and give his evil monologue all dramatically. He mentions that he only planned to murder Lillian (y tho? I hate her too, but she’s not the smartest person around, she literally would have never figured out that it was Dwayne, but okay). Since Nancy’s nosy ass was there however, she gonna get murdered by default.

Lillian just stands there for some reason, even tho it’s one vs. two and I’m sure if we tag teamed this we could take him. Thug Nan carries this entire team and saves the day by opening the door and letting security tackle Dwayne. She did all the work for them, but allegedly they were on to him. Sure you were Randy.

THE END.

#nancy drew games #her interactive #old school games #game reviews #thug nan #trashy game reviews #stay tuned for danger

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nautilusopus · 5 years

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Serious non-troll: What if you like the cop-outs and the scrambled bullshit plots and the nonsense towers of half-constructed ideas? I agree that for example Nomura is a goddamn crazy person but I find his convulsions fascinating and want to see more of them.

i mean, you’re entirely within your rights to do that. it’s just frustrating that there’s visibly no effort put into any of it, and he’s just writing for the sake of what makes the trailer look good, and that’s been 100% to the detriment of the story ever since he’s started doing it

i’m not even inherently opposed to ridiculous convoluted bullshit. i’m one of those pretentious fuckheads that unironically likes End of Evangelion and thinks it made perfect sense, obviously, duh, with all its absolute nonsense of adam and lilith and rei being a god-analogue from absorbing both the white and black seeds and allowing shinji to dictate the ultimate outcome of third impact in the culmination of a couple of really fucking long and extremely obtuse character arcs. i mean, hell, i’m 38 chapters into a fic that is running off nothing but weird high-concept ideas of how reality and parallel universes work and abstract metaphor andsleep deprivation. in any other circumstances, i’m fine with convoluted batshit nonsense.

i think the best way to explain the heart of the issue is to look at what happened to the matrix trilogy. or actually wait this is tumblr, everyone’s in high school and would’ve been foetuses or something when Revolutions came out. homestuck, then. we’ll look at homestuck.

okay so homestuck. remember when that was as big as it was? initially, the big stumbling block was the slow pace of act 1 where john just kind of fucks around throwing glass at clown dolls for a while and if you weren’t into that kind of humour that was where the comic immediately lost you, but what ultimately got the ball rolling was [S] WV: Ascend. the general metric back then was if you weren’t hooked by that one, you wouldn’t like homestuck at all, and for many people that was the point of no return. the reason WV: Ascend was as big of a deal as it was is that we’ve been seeing a bunch of disconnected nonsense happening all over the place, and this is the first time we see our first major time loop actually closed, with the promise of a few more being set up. all that supposed joke nonsense we’d been watching the whole time? it actually mattered, surprise! from there, the narrative spends a lot of time introducing a lot of new concepts – we have captchaloguing and paradox slime, and time travel, and doomed timelines, and exiles and future versions of planets from a parallel universe the metanarrative being perpetuated by the author being diagetic and fuck knows what other things i’m forgetting about. and then, to throw you for a loop twelve whole other characters show up on top of that. so then the narrative needs to spend time establishing who these people are and what their relevance to the story is – which it does, by having them be active participants in the first arc as things go on. this ultimately culminates in [S] Cascade, where we see all these different concepts eventually tie into one another because they were deliberately set up to, and it’s at that point that you figure, well shit we’ve hit a point where all the time travel stuff has finally come to a head. and with it, you’d expect it to also bring all the character stuff to a head too, but instead hussie has an entire extra act to go so we can’t have that resolve yet.

so in the meantime, here are 20-ish whole other characters doing some other things. but we don’t have time to establish what’s effectively the silmarillion by now, so we have to speed past it, meaning we aren’t given a chance to care about these new people. but we can’t have a chance to care about them either, because we still have to tie all this into 5 whole previous acts that are meant to feed into this. at this point, homestuck is visibly collapsing under its own weight. character arcs are forced to fart around in circles because the status quo can’t change because we still need to make it to endgame with these character dynamics more or less intact. but that’s boring to read so we’ll do this entire “what if” thing and then retcon it all out of existence, and then have the fact that you can retcon things suddenly become vital to the resolution of the coming in place of anything we’ve already established previously – not the time travel, not the parallel universe with the trolls, not even the whole thing with the Scratch leading to the alpha kids being here in the first place – when the mechanic was only introduced in the first place to sloppily patch a story together that had long since devolved into infodumps that served to paint hussie further and further into a corner as he was forced to define his lore to get the plot to keep moving forward despite the fact that the narrative wasn’t focusing properly on the people that could make that happen anymore because the story had since switched focus from those people almost entirely.

and in the meantime the damn thing got eaten up by filler, and suddenly characters from that filler are showing up like they were totally relevant to the main story the whole time even though literally nothing they did in their own subplot had any direct bearing on the story at large, unlike the initial 12 trolls. why yes, Alternate Universe Calliope was a completely necessary addition to the story! didn’t you see our important sidestory thing where they do Stuff, and then her showing up in the climax to resolve some other things that are sorta disconnected from the main plot anyway?

not to mention the shipping. nothing ruins a story faster than throwing in a love triangle or eight, and then immediately invalidating all the character growth that happened on top of that anyway by having it literally never happen. not that it would’ve mattered anyway, because remember, we never actually got to have any of this really developed to begin with.

by the time we hit end of act 6, there’s been so many new concepts haphazardly stapled onto the story and so many threads brought up and discarded entirely when we already established back with [S] Cascade that the story works best when they actually do this and it is doable, that it stops being merely complicated and off the wall, and starts being spread too thin, incomprehensible, and ultimately no longer part of a whole narrative deliberately comprised of interlocking storylines. shit’s just kinda happening at you, and rather than getting to see parts of a text interacting as a result of them coming from somewhere for the express purpose of then going to somewhere, you’re just being asked to accept that, yup, that’s a thing that’s going on right now. neato. sure is some stuff happening and whatnot. and in the end, for all that posturing, it didn’t even do anything. in pre-cascade homestuck that wouldn’t have even been a full flash. a bunch of nonsense happens, and then They Fightan Good, and then it’s over and there’s not a single time paradox or meta-interaction to be found. none of the stuff they built up to over all these years mattered, and neither did any of the stuff they just threw in, either.

i’m sure you see what i’m getting at with this.

(also he treats the women in his stories like shit and quite frankly i’m sick of it and even more sick that people keep giving him a pass for it because it’s practically reached parody levels at this point , so there’s that)

i have no problem with convoluted twisty bullshit in and of itself. but it has to accomplish something aside from just existing, and nomura doesn’t do that. by his own admission, kingdom hearts wasn’t planned, and it shows really badly. characters and entire story mechanics and plot lines are introduced solely for the sake of introducing them. they don’t go anywhere or build to anything, because they can’t, because fuck we have to stall for kh3 shhhh just keep adding more soras and hopefully no one will notice. i think the last time any of this actually mattered was kh2, and even that had a lot of the issues i’ve mentioned here. as a result of all of this, the character arcs suffer a lot, and you’re left with nothing but a big ball of plot twists that goes nowhere, and a bunch of characters that only somewhat have anything to do with any of it.

i don’t feel like it’s overly nitpicky to find this kinda gross and seriously insulting of the audience’s intelligence. it’s just lazy time-stalling. i get that people sometimes really don’t care about stuff like narrative and character development and are just here to see riku punching mike wazowski in the teeth or whatever, but i think it’s disingenuous to pretend that these aren’t nonetheless important parts of a game’s construction – especially a studio that used to openly pride itself on selling games with a focus on story.

and the genuinely frustrating part is, no one cares. people are gushing all over everything square puts out because it’s square, so they know they don’t have to put effort into their stories. i’m well aware i’m in the minority for saying that these games are bad. but i also thought we were done with treating, “it’s just a video game, bro! why do you care so much about the story having quality as a narrative? this isn’t an english class!” as a valid rebuttal.

maybe i should’ve used the matrix trilogy instead. most people hate movies 2 and 3 for the weird “YOU’VE ALREADY MADE THE CHOICE/EVERYTHING THAT HAS A BEGINNING HAS AN END NEO” shit and the bonkers christ-allegory ending. i hate it because neo is about as interesting as the rock that cracked goofy’s skull open.

#asks #kangdan horfs #do i put this in the discourse tag even though its's not vii?#squid alienates kh fans #that's a tag now #hamsteak #Anonymous

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wxldchxld · 2 years

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AC Odyssey is so much more fun on NG+ when you don't have to worry about Drachmae, resources, or grinding levels before going to the next story region. I do not miss having to spend ten minutes going from the quest giver, to the wolves, back to the quest giver, for miniscule xp and 500 coins.

Right?! The money thing hasn't been that big a deal for me, the resources don't bother me (probably because I'm used to grinding endlessly in Ark Survival Evolved), but the leveling drives me wild.

Also I feel like the horse mechanics in both this and Valhalla are absolutely insane. The last time I played a game where horse controls were this frustrating was Shadow of the Colossus. I think the person that designed them rode a horse once and the thing went batshit crazy and they were like "well this must be what riding horses is like. Let's put that in the game". For example, bc backing up isn't something people think horses know how to do, last night my horse jumped off a cliff as I was trying to turn it. By some miracle we didn't die. And just as I was like "oh sweet I lived through that" MY FUCKING LION GLITCHED AND THREW HIMSELF TO HIS DEATH IN FRONT OF ME???? That has happened three more times with different creatures today.

I will say one thing about Ark. Sure the pathfinding is trash, the game is a perpetual grind, many parts of many maps are extremely glitchy, and the majority of it's online players are toxic AF which the devs do nothing to mediate. BUT it's follower control is p decent. Skyrim was the same way where like you can have followers, but you can't direct them to do things like for instance stay still instead of jumping off a cliff, or attack one certain target, or to stop attacking targets. So AC isn't alone in this, but it is a really annoying thing the devs fail to put in most games with followers. What is the point of traveling with a creature that constantly glitches to its death and attacks non-violent NPCs whenever you enter combat? Thereby accruing ridiculous bounties and locking you in a fight way longer than you ever wanted to be.

Like these small things, along with the repetitive nature of the quests really add up to some serious frustration. I'll full on admit I suck at video games, but like, for the most part there was no point of AC Valhalla when someone asked me to do something and I thought "can I just be shot". Bc at least the mini games and settlement building give you shorter, attainable goals that you can complete along the main questline.

I have to stop bitching. I don't dislike the game, I'm just very annoyed rn.

#ooc #maybe my rage quitting will mean i'll actually do some writing like i was meant to #... maybe but I have to get food first

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avelera · 7 years

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Avelera’s epic “Why I Love Boromir” post aka

Boromir. So much more than a meme.

Agarlandoffreshlycuttears asked me to talk about my love of Boromir since I have a few Aragorn hate posts out there and boy does this topic of discussion take me back.

(For the record, a lot of my earliest opinions of Boromir was formed as an impressionable 14 year old experiencing her first head-over-heels male crush (I mean seriously, look at this guy:

) but people aware of my love of Thorin have probably noticed I tend to have a thing for complicated characters who experience a fall from grace. I find them much more interesting than characters who never need to struggle with morality or see a serious risk to their soul. I don’t hate Aragorn as such, but I have a lot of issues with the way his character was handled, so I hope the negative stuff comes across as more tongue-in-cheek and critique-oriented rather than bashing.)

So let’s begin from the beginning with some very Nuanced and Intellectual™ reasons to love Boromir.

- In Rivendell, Boromir first shows us how awesome he is by riding in on a horse like a goddamn Disney prince *swoon*

(damn-you-why-can’t-i-find-a-gif-of-this.jpeg)

With that out of the way, let’s list his many virtues:

Boromir is practical.

During the Council he proceeds to bring up some rather valid points about the risk of the whole “the Hobbits are bringing the One Ring to Mordor” thing. We, as viewers, know they’re the main characters so the hobbits will probably succeed. But from an objective viewer within the Middle Earth universe, this plan to destroy the Ring is batshit crazy from the outset and it only gets worse when we decide hobbits are the ones to do it. We’re literally going to take some of the weakest, smallest, least experienced creatures no one has ever heard of in the world, give them a super weapon, then have them go with an honor guard of 5 effective fighters (including Gandalf who has been known to fuck off at random intervals when escorting hobbits on dangerous quests) to the only place in the world where, if the Ring goes there, Sauron wins. Game over. He gets his lich-y phylactery back and gets super powered like it’s goddamn Mario Star Power. Everyone dies. Boromir’s people in Gondor (and Aragorn’s people, if he ever gets around to it) will die first. Horribly.

But, y’know, the power of love and friendship will somehow win the day so once literally 4 guys decide that this admittedly horrendous plan is the only one they’ve got, Boromir gamely comes along. He can’t even pledge his sword because Aragorn took that line already, thanks Aragorn.

Why not just take my kingdom I’ve been training to rule my whole life while you’re at it. OH WAIT.

Boromir is kind.

As the Fellowship cross Middle Earth, climb the mountain, the shots of Beautiful New Zealand are endless, we get the freakin adorable scene of Boromir training Merry and Pippin to fight (thanks for nothing Aragorn, I guess giving them swords was as far as you thought out how helpless these guys are). If this smile doesn’t melt your heart I’m not sure we can be friends anymore.

But seriously, everything about the friendship of Boromir with Merry and Pippin gives me happy smiley tears.

Boromir is human.

They climb some more mountains, Boromir has one of the most freaking amazing scenes in the whole movie where he picks up the Ring and is clearly hypnotized by it, illustrating its danger and the danger he poses to the Quest as a result.

I’m going to leap ahead here and say why I love this scene, and that’s because Boromir actually faces the threat of the Ring, unlike Aragorn. We do have a moment between Aragorn and the Ring later when Frodo (recently traumatized by Boromir’s freak out) asks Aragorn if he can protect Frodo from himself. The fear of being like his 2,000-years-dead ancestor flashing in his eyes, Aragorn sends Frodo along (to almost certain death).

But the thing is, the Ring was never really a threat to Aragorn, we never really got a scene of him struggling with it at all. It’s what makes his “fear of being like Isildur” so baffling and annoying. At no point does Aragorn actually struggle with that risk. Unlike Thorin (and I’m gonna have to Thorin-stan here for a moment because my love of Thorin is intimately tied into my love of Boromir) who fears the hereditary madness of his family for good reason because he does succumb to it and then break free, Aragorn’s fear comes across as whiney (and even carrying borderline internalized hatred of Men given to him by movie Elrond) given its lack of justification within the films. Told to us as Aragorn’s main emotional motivation and fear, besides that of annihilation if the Ring isn’t destroyed, it ends up being extremely weak that he supposedly fears this ancestral corruption which never has any tangible impact or risk to him. Frankly, the only time it really comes up that Aragorn is related to Isildur are both times pretty freakin’ awesome for him because they involve raising a ghost army to Deus Ex Pulverize Sauron’s forces and becoming king of a frickin’ wedding cake of a multi-tiered beautiful city that Boromir had to talk him into liking in the first place.

*Ahem*

But anyway, that scene on the mountain is super creepy and gorgeous and I love it.

Boromir is hilarious.

Boromir is empathetic.

Boromir is the one who spots the trauma that the Fellowship has just gone through by losing Gandalf (and Gimili is no doubt still reeling from the revelation of his family members’ deaths in Moria) and calls for a quick rest now that they’re out of the mines. If I hadn’t already been in love him from the training scene with Merry and Pippin, I probably would have fallen even harder at that scene. He’s empathetic in a way a good leader should be. While Aragorn’s point is valid about the arrival of the orcs and their lack of time, he comes across as kind of a dick about it and I can’t help but be uncharitable in my view of him as a result. It feels like the threat of the orc’s pursuit is set up just to make Aragorn right and Boromir wrong, since without that threat Aragorn would very clearly be the bad guy in that scene. Would 5 minutes have really made that much of a difference?

Boromir loves his people.

Probably THE moment that won me over about Boromir was the moment in Lothlorien when he gives his worshipful account of Gondor to Aragorn. In the extended edition the scene continues to one where he chastises Aragorn for not showing more interest in Gondor.

(Also, look at him in that scene, GAWD)

I think this pinged me at a young age for several reasons.

- First, a love of the wider “off screen” world. LotR is a sprawling book, but a film can’t always show what’s going on outside the narrator’s view. Through Boromir in this scene and several others, we get a sense of what our characters are fighting for. It would have been easy for the stakes of LotR to remain the lives of the Fellowship members, certainly they are the ones in the most immediate peril. But Boromir’s speech reminds us of the wider world and the threat it faces, the nations that will fall and the lives that will be ruined if Sauron wins. It re-frames his reasons for wanting to use the Ring - he feared the argument against using it was just a matter of moral purity, at the risk of Gondor falling and with it that everyone he knows and loves will die.

Can Boromir truly be blamed for not understanding the threat of the Ring? I think even the most ardent fans are sometimes puzzled over exactly what the Ring does, and what it would do should it fall into the wrong hands. Throughout a story based around the threat of the Ring, the Ring itself and its powers remain strangely abstract. So I don’t think Boromir’s view of the debate as an unconvincing one between the very tangible threat of lives lost vs. the more abstract risk of moral corruption that even Elrond and Gandalf never clearly express is understandable. We as the audience have greater perspective on the threat of the Ring, and by the end Boromir understands that threat too, how at the very least the Ring will turn friend against friend in the pursuit of its power, and he fully repents.

- Second, Boromir’s love for his people highlighted Aragorn’s failing, which lead me to the heart of much of my dislike of Aragorn’s character. As someone who read the books before seeing the movie, I was rather annoyed by the whole “reluctant king” trope that was shoved onto Aragorn for a modern audience. It is a rather cliche moral imposed by PJ that we see throughout his Tolkien works, that those who want to be king will be necessity be bad kings, and that tropes annoys the fuck out of me throughout fantasy in general.

(Certainly there is the risk of the power-mad, but I think that puts us at risk of one of our current issues, the paradox that those who want power in order to good are therefore under suspicion and those with greater experience at governing are seen as a threat so we should only allow the incompetent BUT ANYWAY)

Aragorn in the books wanted to be king. He worked hard to be worthy of the people of Gondor by serving in various militaries such as Rohan’s throughout his younger days. He wanted to be king in part to be worthy of Arwen, but also because he loved the people of Gondor. His avoidance of the throne was about building up the necessary skills to be worthy of it. By throwing out that aspect of his character, and replacing it with a nebulous fear of being like Isildur, an ancestor that died two thousand years ago (which is like someone fearing they’ll be just like their ancestor, Julius Caesar, or Elizabeth II fearing she’ll be just like Henry VIII if we want to take Numenorean life spans into account by which I mean completely batshit crazy example of a fear BUT ANYWAY). This alteration to Aragorn wreaked quite a number of consequences.

For example, it kinda makes his attitude towards Arwen seem kinda shitty because instead of working hard to be worthy of her he’s kinda just a smelly ranger who is actively avoiding his responsibilities in order to traipse around the wild and serve in random militaries like Rohan for funsies and while I respect Arwen’s choice to love whoever she wishes, it kinda makes Aragorn the deadbeat in that relationship.

But the major consequence of reluctant king Aragorn is that, yeah, I kinda gotta agree with Boromir - his lack of interest in the people of Gondor is really troubling. It wouldn’t be hard to see Aragorn as someone who prefers the elves (who raised him) and generally from his actions and his words sees Men as a lesser people. That’s not someone I would want as my king, quite frankly, if I were a Gondorian.

In addition, we have the fact that Boromir’s family the Stewards have been ruling Gondor for centuries. It would literally be like the aforementioned descendant of Julius Caesar showing up in Rome today and saying they have an ancestral right to rule there, ie it’s batshit crazy but we’re living in a fantasy world SO ANYWAY. Boromir (and Faramir) have more experience and arguably a better claim that Aragorn in the films. Denethor was a good ruler until he got his hands on a Palantir, but even if Denethor is now a poor ruler, I still have a lot of sympathy for him because this was done to him by evil forces beyond his control (in parallel to what happened to Gollum and to Bilbo and Frodo through the One Ring. Literally. The Palantir and the One Ring are both connected to Sauron who is actively corrupting them. So anyway, all the Denethor hate makes me sad and I’m probably the only person in the whole fandom who actually has a soft spot for him.)

So to recap, that conversation in Lothlorien to me showed that Boromir 1) cares about a wider world than the Fellowship, and that the Fellowship isn’t the only thing going on. 2) That he’s a pretty damn good leader who cares about his people, in contrast with Aragorn. Even if we accept that “Learning to love the people of Gondor” was part of Aragorn’s character arc, and Boromir’s fridging death demonstrably pushed him in the direction of “learning to love the people that he’s “destined” to rule” can I just point out Holy SHIT Aragorn why do you need your friend DYING to figure out why maybe you should care about the people you’re supposed to rule????

But back to Lothlorien: Boromir feels the increasing presence of the Ring. He is shamed by Galadriel’s scrutiny, she scares the shit out of everyone, particularly him but the reason she so quickly identifies the threat Boromir poses is because she feels that threat as well. Both Galadriel and Boromir share the quality of protectors of their people who have a Ring freakout in front of Frodo (though Boromir gets a lot more flak for it than Galadriel).

I don’t think that point can be overstated. Boromir’s vulnerability to the Ring comes from his love of his people, not from personal ambition or love of power, except in how that power can protect others. It’s one of the evils of the Ring that it takes that which is good in people and twists it to evil purposes. (One could even argue that the Ring did this to Frodo as well, using his love and protectiveness of the Shire to make inroads into his mind and heart, when as a result of agreeing to carry it to Rivendell to get it out of the Shire he ended up being that much more exposed to it.)

Boromir is remorseful.

To be honest, the scene of Boromir succumbing to the Ring’s call is one of the greatest emotional beats in the films. I don’t feel any need to defend Boromir’s actions, they’re obviously terrible there, but godDAMN do they drive home the threat of the Ring. And here’s the thing, that threat wouldn’t be nearly so scary if it didn’t happen to such a demonstrably good person who clearly cared so much about the hobbits that he was willing to die for them. Even without his guilt over his attack on Frodo, you know he still would have gladly died saving Merry and Pippin’s lives.

Let’s not even go into how fucking heartbreaking everything about his death is because I might burst into tears right here. Suffice to say, Boromir’s death was heroic. He didn’t need to die to redeem himself, he deserved to live, that argument in general is stupid. His death is tragic because of what a great person he was, and the Ring is terrible because of what it did to such a great person.

Boromir was a hero.

We do get that one shining, gorgeous moment in The Two Towers EE with the retrospective on Boromir. Standing by his brother, surrounded by his men, we get a glimpse of the leader he was before he faced the corruption and deprivation of the quest. For all that Boromir is often used as an example of the corruptibility of Men in the narrative, it is clear that he was always a hero, and that the reason the threat is so fearsome is because of the heights he fell from in his moment of doubt, and how brief that fall was speaks to the strength of his will.

Boromir for me into the category of fascinating Tolkien characters who truly struggle with evil. Frodo, Bilbo, Thorin, Galadriel, Theoden, Denethor, and Boromir all go head to head with the corrupting powers of Sauron (and Sauron-like forces) and risk losing their soul to them. Some fail. Some do terrible things while they’re fighting off that influence. But for them the risk is real, what will happen if they don’t throw the influence off is clear, and the avenue into their hearts is often their love of their people and those dear to them in life. That makes them complex, interesting characters. It’s the reason I find Aragorn’s flirtation with corruption to be unconvincing, because he never seems truly at risk and there was never a real moment where it seemed he might give in or what the consequences would be if he did. By contrast Boromir did show us the risks. He was complex, he showed us the world beyond the narrow scope of the nine members of the Fellowship, he showed us what was at stake both on a global scale and on a personal one. As a result, he was one of the most fascinating characters in the film trilogy and I love him to this day.

Some Boromir fic recs, if you made it this far

(Both are non-shippy/Gen because the only person I ever wanted to ship Boromir with was me, and goddamn the LotR fandom had some great gen fics)

Boromir’s Return, by Osheen Nevoy - in which Boromir returns to life and must struggle with his own redemption, and the strange creature that resurrected him (not a Mary Sue), one of the most complex and well-written fanfics I’ve ever read.

Veiling of the Sun, by @thegraytigress - Boromir succumbs to the Ring for more than a few moments, joining forces with the orcs sent to collect Frodo, and everything that can go wrong does go wrong. He eventually wakes from the haze to see with horror what he has done, and must set out on the road of his own redemption while the Fellowship tries to put back together the broken pieces of a quest gone horribly wrong. Heart-wrenching, one of the greatest LotR angst fics I ever read.

And the greatest gif ever made:

#boromir #lotr #fellowship of the ring #my meta #boromir meta #aragorn hate tag #i mean it's pretty mild I just think Boromir is better

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televisor-reviews · 4 years

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Top 10 BEST Films Of 2018

Taking this extra year to look at the film market of 2018 has given me the space to really look at the year as a whole as, what I’d describe as, really extreme. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t awful, and I wouldn’t really say it was mediocre either. There were lots of movies I loved but just as many I hated with surprisingly few I thought were just okay. Both the best and worst lists were pretty hard to put together because there were so many movies I really wanted to put on them. Cutting Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom from my worst list was a serious heartbreaker for me. But that only means that I’m particularly quite happy with how both turned out, there’s some seriously game changing films on this list. And keep in mind that, despite how much I tried, I still couldn’t watch every movie from the year: so as amazing as I’m sure A Star Is Born and Best F(r)iends are, I just didn’t get around to them. If you’d like a list of every movie from 2018 I have seen (in order from best to worst), it can be found on my Letterboxd here: https://letterboxd.com/animatorreviewa/list/every-2018-movie-ive-seen/

#10. Searching Back in 2014, the world was introduced to a new form of filmmaking that told a story via the screen of the main protagonist’s computer in Blumhouse’s Unfriended. Kind of like a modern day found footage film. And while I was one of five people who really liked Unfriended and its 2018 followup Unfriended: Dark Web, I think Searching is the penultimate of what this newfound sub-genre is able to accomplish. Similar to what Cloverfield was able to do for found footage, Searching was able to use the computer screen film style to heighten the tension and breaks down a part of the audience’s suspension of disbelief to create a horrific experience for anyone who witnesses it. Which also puts a ton of pressure on the lead, John Cho, as even a moment of bad acting can break this fragile fourth wall. Pressure that Cho overcomes like it was nothing. All of this combines into an incredible experience that keeps its audience on the edge of their seats and constantly on the brink of a heart attack. I’m almost certain that Searching will be considered an important piece of 2010′s film history. #9. Bad Times At The El Royale In 2011, Drew Goddard set himself apart as a director with a very unique and interesting vision with his landmark piece A Cabin In The Woods. In 2018, he did it again with, in my opinion, an even better film, Bad Times At The El Royale with a fascinatingly put together and complicated story featuring some of the best acting from such a star studded cast I’ve seen in years. From Jeff Bridges playing against the Big Lebowski type most are familiar with to Jon Hamm definitely playing towards his Richard Jewell typecast to Dakota Johnson making up for all three Fifty Shades Of Grey movies with quite possibly her best performance. Bad Times At The El Royale is one of the most uniquely made mainstream movies I’ve seen in a while with several scenes told several times from different perspectives and each character breathed life into them with such interesting backstories. My only real problem is that the whole thing with half the place is in Nevada and the other half is in California doesn’t really go anywhere but it’s made up for as soon as Chris Hemsworth shows up to ham the hotel up. Incredibly entertaining and amazingly fascinating, this is a movie that threatens you with a good time. #8. The Favourite I appreciate that powdered wig period pieces are coming back into style with shit such as Beauty And The Beast (2017), The Age Of Adaline, and Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales. But among the failures of this once well respected sub-genre are good stuff too, for instance, The Favourite, a movie that actually remembers that British people spell some words with a “u”. One of my personal Favourite cliches of films nowadays is having a cast in which literally everybody is an asshole, see #9 and #1. And what I really like particularly with this is that old time-y movies about royalty can be really intimidating to hurdle, even now I have to hype myself up to watch something like Downton Abbey. But this overcomes it by being really entertaining with some great performances from the entire cast, especially Emma Stone showing once again why she deserves an Oscar! And the directing from Yorgos Lanthimos is so good, it actually makes me want to check out The Killing Of A Sacred Deer. The Favourite is a magnificently smartly fun picture that can satisfy both the most bored audience member and the most pretentious film critic. #7. Love, Simon Look, we all have biases. Some lead people to rave about how BlacKkKlansman is the best movie of the year because of how well it portrays black culture and their relationship with the police and evangelical racists. Some lead people raving about Crazy Rich Asians because it had the balls to fill its cast with Asians and Asian Americans. For me, an (at the time) openly bisexual 18 year old who masks most of my anxiety and fears with a very thin facade of comedy, Love, Simon really spoke to me while also entertaining the hell out of me. The script knew exactly when to be funny and when to be serious, when it should have a heartfelt scene and when it should go on a random tangent, and even when it’s trying to be funny or go on a tangent, it gives incredible insight into the main protagonist’s psyche. And for those moments, the context is everything. I remember cringing pretty hard at the whole “coming out as straight” bit in the trailer, but laughing my ass off when it showed up in the film. And Nick Robinson, who plays the titular character, kills it and I think he’s going to go places very soon. All of this culminates at the end, when the emotion is high and I (along with the rest of the theater) are on the edge of our seats, and Love, Simon got me to shed some tears. #6. Ralph Breaks The Internet Of the two million Disney movies released in 2018, this sequel is the highest one ranking on my list. And of the one million animated films released in 2018, this is actually the lowest one ranking on my list. Which kind of surprises me because you wouldn’t think so on the surface. On one hand, it’s just a sequel to a video game movie that lost Best Animated Picture to Brave, how is Wreck It Ralph 2 doing better than the emotional rollercoaster that was Christopher Robin or the long awaited and ton of fun that was The Incredibles 2. But then again, anyone who knows me knows that Wreck It Ralph is one of my favorite Disney cartoons, so how does it barely creep above the smart while not being funny at all Smallfoot or the only surface level hilarity that is Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation? Well, in some sense it’s much better than the original: with superior animation, a cooler concept, and finally realizing that the focus should be entirely on the real star, Princess Vanellope Von Schweetz. On the other hand, it doesn’t even come close to matching up: the humor is a tad sub par, too much is really going on, and considering the very cool concept, it should’ve done more with it. But did I still watch it a ton as soon as I could: absolutely. So who really won here: me for being a little disappointed or Disney who made a very entertaining film? The sixth spot feels about right to me. #5. Annihilation Between J.J. Abrams’s batshit crazy Nazi-zombie experiment Overlord, Steven Spielberg bringing his amazing talent to Ready Player One, Netflix throwing their hat into the “ripping off Big Hero 6″ ring with Next Gen, and do I even need to mention Marvel, 2018 was a damn good year for sci-fi in the middle of a decade that was, as a whole, great for the genre. And while Annihilation isn’t the last we’ll see from science fiction on the list, it is the one that’s here largely because of that. Flatly, I love how the science in this movie works; in general, I tend to prefer my sci-fi very grounded and that is how Annihilation works. I could kind of see how something like this bubble can exist and everything inside it really working this way. But what I really love about this film’s science is that it is a borderline horror flick. Once Natalie Portman walks through into the anti-Wizard Of Oz, the shit that goes down is horrifying. All of a sudden: up is down, left is right, and nobody knows what time it is and I loved it! This kind of gaslighting horror that I don’t see a whole lot of lately really throws the audience through a loop because for once, we don’t know what’s going on either. And for a film to really go so far just to confuse people, I have to at least respect. And to do it so well with some amazing acting on just about everybody’s part, I must love! Annihilation is a serious experience that I wished I was able to catch on the big screen. #4. Sorry To Bother You In 2018, Donald “Childish “Lando Calrissian” Gambino” Glover released his major #1 single, This Is America. Whether you love it or you hate it, you have to admit that it was saying a lot in such a unique way. The world that music video took place in was a nonsensical cartoon to somehow represent the plight of African Americans in the United States. I’m not gonna pretend like I totally understand because I definitely don’t; the point is that the portrayal struck a nerve with a lot of people and, personally, it did feel like a proper way of showing it. And Sorry To Bother You does something very similar, portraying the African American plight in a humorous, cartoonish, and unrealistic way to counteract the very serious, down to earth, and realistic parts. Do black people need to completely show themselves as white to get anything done; maybe not but we all know that people in general are much friendlier and nicer to those who sound like their ideals, usually meaning white. Are we, as a nation, (spoilers) turning poor (and considering how blacks are predisposed to being lower middle class because of reasons relating to how capitalism works, most of the blacks of the world) people into horses; I sure hope not but big companies and better off citizens do tend to think of the working class as just objects to do shit for them. Sorry To Bother You brings up a lot of the problems prevalent in modern society, especially those that directly relate to African Americans, in a palpable and entertaining way is ingenious and amazingly well done thanks to the overwhelming talent of Boots Riley and I cannot wait for his next big project. It’s definitely the best racial relations film of the year, beating out other great films like Monsters And Men, If Beale Street Could Talk, and The Oath. #3. Isle Of Dogs 2018 is a year that really threw me through a loop as far as films went. When I went to see Isle Of Dogs, I was certain that it’ll be the best movie of the year, absolutely no competition. Then, later on, when the #1 film came out, I was certain that would be it. Then the #2 spot came out and made me question everything all over again. Anyway, Isle Of Dogs is Wes Anderson being very Wes Anderson-y while combining it with the same kind of claymation he used in the fantastic Fantastic Mr. Fox and the traditional culture of Japan that’s oh so lovable. And as much as I love the Anderson style, the animation used here, and how Japanese culture is portrayed, involving my favorite animal brings my appreciation over the top. I am so down to get a million more films in which the theme of the picture is that dogs rule. This really is the kind of film that I love just about every aspect of, and though it might mostly be on a surface level way, I really don’t have anything bad to say about this film. It’s almost boring how much I enjoy this, I don’t have much to say except please watch it. It’s so good! #2. Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse Back in 2012, the world as a whole was introduced to a pair of directors mostly known for animation named Phil Lord and Chris Miller when they directed the surprise hit 21 Jump Street and its followup 22 Jump Street. The world then got to know them a little bit better when they seemingly single-handedly jumpstarted the beloved The Lego Movie franchise. Then in 2018, everyone learned that no matter how crazy, Lord and Miller know what they’re doing when their firing spelled doom for the financial flop that was Solo: A Star Wars Story. So when the pair brought their producing and writing talent to a Sony Animation made Spider-Man movie just a year after The Emoji Movie, I think most people were expecting to enjoy it if only because that snippet at the end of Venom was really well animated. But I don’t think anyone was expecting an Academy Award winning film. Whenever I went onto my Twitter for a solid month, all I saw were people exclaiming how Into The Spider-Verse was their favorite movie of the year and then again for another month after the Oscars took place. All of a sudden, Disney Marvel, Warner Bros. DC, and Fox X-Men (rest in peace), have a brand new and major competitor... and for good reason, this movie is incredible. I immediately accepted it as easily the best Spider-Man movie ever, but took a few watchings for me to accept it as the second best film of the year and a few more to accept it as my Phil Lord and savior. It is so much fun, so entertaining, so enjoyable with such great characters, amazing writing, and hilarious comedy all wrapped with a brilliantly animated bow. Another film I really have nothing bad to say about, this is just a fantastic film through and through. Before we get to #1, here’s some Runners Up:

Black Panther This was the year I got a little spent on superhero movies. Considering how I still put Into The Spider-Verse as my #2, clearly not that much, but I just wasn't super amazed by what Marvel, DC, or X-Men had to offer. But I don’t think I even disliked any: Avengers: Infinity War was fun but incredibly unfocused, Teen Titans Go! To The Movies was hilarious but was still just a poor child’s version of Teen Titans, and Deadpool 2 had some great action but not nearly as entertaining as its predecessor. Black Panther was the only one that really left a real mark on me, but even still, it’s not the best film of the year to handle black culture. Even as far as Ryan Coogler films go, I think I’d rather watch Creed or its sequel Creed 2. It’s good but I don’t think it deserved a best picture nomination. Instant Family Hear me out, the movie in which Mark Wahlberg and Rose Byrne adopt Dora The Explorer and her two bratty siblings directed and written by the same guys behind Daddy’s Home 2 and Horrible Bosses 2 is the feel good movie of the year, is incredibly hilarious and underrated, and even got me to shed a tear by the end. There is no excuse to let Daddy’s Home flourish and this beauty and die, I implore you to please watch it. You will not regret it, let it get big on home media, get more of these made! Vice I get that not everybody gets the Adan McKay style of making a dramedy like in The Big Short or Bombshell, but I do and I love both Christian Bale and Amy Adams so Vice was really up my alley! I just thought of it as a really enjoyable movie with a message I was predisposed to agree with. What really throws this into being a great movie to me is that Christian Bale really is that good in this, maybe one of the best performances in his career. I don’t know, I thought it was funny so I enjoyed it well enough. Won’t You Be My Neighbor? I think most people agree that this was easily the best documentary of the year. As much love as I have for Fahrenheit 11/9 for being my first theatrical documentary and Behind The Curve for being one of few docs that are incredibly entertaining, I had to eventually break down and admit that Won’t You Be My Neighbor (once again) made me cry because I grew up loving Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood that much. Especially now that we’re past A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood leaving not nearly as big of a mark as people were expecting and we’re still watching and talking about this documentary, I think this actually has the lasting impact it earned. Green Book It won best picture, I guess I’ll talk about it. As a movie, Green Book is fine. It’s well made with some good acting, I’ll allow it being considered good. Is it racist? I’d say probably not but it does definitely feel racist. Kinda like that scene from The Office where Michael Scott does his Chris Rock impression; you know he’s not racist and he doesn’t mean for it to come across as it but it still absolutely does. Considering the message of the story is “don’t be racist/homophobic,” I’m pretty sure that it’s not racist/homophobic, it just doesn’t know how to say it without coming across as such. My real big issue is with it winning the same year that had Roma and Can You Ever Forgive Me?, it had no business even being nominated. But outside of all of that, Green Book is an okay movie. Mid90s The 2010s owes a ton to Jonah Hill and I don’t think most people realized that. He told studios how to translate old properties to a modern audience with 21 Jump Street, showed how comedians can combine their sense of humor with the serious setting around them in The Wolf Of Wall Street, and most importantly to this entry, showed how coming of age stories should be told in this day and age with Superbad. Ever since, for better or worse, coming of age films have been trying to recreate that magic. The closest to get it right, in my opinion, is The Edge Of Seventeen but still goes wrong by being much much better, but Mid90s does some really great stuff as well. I appreciate any theatrical film that’s willing to be filmed in a way that doesn’t look theatrical at all. And I also appreciate the likable but very flawed characters portrayed. Mid90s really left a mark in my mind and is a great start to Jonah Hills directorial career. Aggretsuko: We Wish You A Metal Christmas And for my pick of short film of the year, let’s talk about what might be my favorite Netflix series, Aggretsuko! As a cradle between season one to season two, this does a great job at portraying these super relatable characters in a very entertaining scenario all set during Christmas! Maybe it’d make more sense to give this honor to something more impactful like A Sister or clever like I’m Poppy: The Film or even a nice surprise like Harvey Birdman, Attorney General, but no. I refuse. I enjoyed A Very Merry Aggretsuko Christmas much more. Book Club Considering how I’ve spent literally every Worst Of list talking about how awful Fifty Shades Of Grey is, even that year it took off I ended up watching and bitching about Fifty Shades Of Black, I’d like to talk about what is easily the best film to come out of this franchise. Book Club is basically a bunch of old lady celebrities getting together, reading the Fifty Shades books, and talking about their sex lives. It’s like a feature length Gilmore Girls movie and I loved not only the idea, but the film itself was hilarious. I enjoyed the hell out of it. Black Mirror: Bandersnatch As a die hard Black Mirror fanatic, of course I was excited for a full Black Mirror movie with, from what I’ve heard, five hours worth of footage. Especially since its story was told in such a fascinating and unique way, I was interested as hell into this and I loved it! I’ve loved select your own adventure books and games for a long time now, from Detroit: Become Human to Gravity Falls: Dipper and Mabel and the Curse of the Time Pirates' Treasure!: A "Select Your Own Choose-Venture!". So one set in the well established and amazingly well put together world of Netflix’s British Twilight Zone, sounds incredible and it was! It’s just so cool! Bumblebee Laika didn’t have a movie in 2018, but I feel like we still did with Bumblebee. Getting Travis Knight, the director of Kubo And The Two Strings, objectively their best picture, to do a Transformers entry is ingenious! If anyone should know how a creature like this would move and how to differentiate any one robot from another robot, it’s an acclaimed director from Laika. Now that we’ve finally pried this franchise from Michael Bay’s claws and Paramount playing it smart with their directors, maybe we’ll finally get a series of good Transformers films... or maybe Transformers 7 is cancelled and all hope is lost. #1. Hereditary I think the 2010s get a bad wrap when it comes to horror. All too often I hear Gen X-ers proclaiming how, “there’s no good scary movies anymore!” Completely forgetting hits like The Cloverfield Paradox, A Quiet Place, and The First Purge. Every new trend of a certain genre can usually be traced back to one major film: 1930s had Frankenstein, 1980s had Halloween (BTW, the 2018 one is also great), 2000s had The Blair Witch Project, etc. I think this new trend of mixing slow and suspenseful with big jump scares and everything is dark can be thanks largely to The Conjuring. While that franchise might have started the trend, I feel pretty certain that Hereditary perfected it. Every scare is at least mildly horrifying, the loops it throws you through is abundant, at no point are you sure what’s going on, and by the end, you find yourself breathing much heavier than you remember doing. Hereditary is a trip and a half that I loved going through again and again. I think when people think back to what was the best horror film of each decade: 1930s Dracula, 1980s The Shining, 2000s The Ring, 2010s Hereditary. I loved this movie in all its horrific glory.

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nerobombs · 7 years

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Insert Story Here: Ishgard

(Want more? Check out my Writing tag!)

I saw a few posts about Ishgard floating about, and I guess I haven’t actually written that many things on this blog yet, so I’m going to compile some of my writings about a subject I love to hate.

Anyone who knows me or reads my forum posts (a lot of of the content of which will be shamelessly copy-pasted here because what is effort) knows of the disdainful loathing I have for Heavensward’s writing. It’s not inherently bad--at worst it’s merely mediocre, filled to the brim with paper-thin plot vehicles and McGuffins--but the potential for a good story was there.

Indeed, compared to most video game plots and MMO plots especially, the level of coherence it manages to maintain amidst the plague-ridden retcon carcass of World of Warcraft and the slightly suspicious smells being put out by Guild Wars 2 (whose story content used to be totally absurd, but they’ve been getting better) could almost be called admirable.

Almost.

I still don’t like it, though, in the same way that a disapproving father wouldn’t be particularly fond of his rebellious daughter’s boyfriend showing off a condom shaped like the head of a great white shark to his mates at school. It’s not the object itself, but rather the implications.

If you plan on reading further, put some goggles on, because there’s a lot of debris in a train wreck.

There’s also some crude humour and crass analogies ahead too.

First, I’ll preface this by saying that I firmly believe that Heavensward’s writing was restricted by the game design. This forgives certain things. For example, if the design priority is to have the players go to Azys Lla immediately after the Dravanian Hinterlands, then the writing’s job is as simple as coming up with an utterly contrived reason to do so. It’s frustrating, sure, but there’s a reason for it.

That said, I still have several problems.

1). There’s no Ishgard any more!

The things that interested me the most about Ishgard were, well, the things that made it Ishgard. It was unique. Ishgard was a despotic militant theocracy waging a genocidal holy war against a superior force amidst a tumultuous climate of political ambition, religious zealotry, and class warfare. There was something fascinating about the dichotomous nature of Ishgard's politics and culture, being ostensibly built around order and a single-minded goal yet also being unstable without the unifying threat of the dragons and built on the foundations of a lie (or at least, a historical misrepresentation), and all of this was put against a tense backdrop formed by the terrifyingly absolute power of the Church and the Inquisition.

Except, all of that is gone now. Poof.

Ishgard’s not a dictatorship any more. No, Ishgard seamlessly transitioned from a dictatorship to a bicameral republic with absolutely no conflict or resistance in the slightest. Part of the problem with this is that Thordan was absolutely batshit and the story handled Thordan horribly, but more on that later.

Ishgard’s not a theocracy any more. Since Ishgard is now a secular government, the Ishgardian Orthodox Church has been rendered impotent. There’s no war and no enemy, so there’s no Inqusition.

And perhaps most offensively of all, Ishgard’s not militant any more. The Dragonsong War is definitively ended. Yeah, you can try to make some weak justification of “But Nidhogg’s brood”, but if killing Nidhogg didn’t end the war then the stragglers are completely meaningless. The thousand-year genocidal holy war that formed the entirety of Ishgard’s national identity for a millennia is just gone.

That means that there’s no longer any glory gained from slaying dragons. That means the Order of the Dragoon is now completely meaningless. Commoners could become nobles by applying themselves and slaying dragons, but now even that limited and dangerous social mobility no longer exists.

About the only thing that separates Ishgard from the other city states is that they have snow, now. Where it was once an environment ripe for intrigue, it’s now as deflated and as saccharine as any of the other city states.

2). The ending wasn’t earned by anyone

Ishgard becoming a more peaceful state isn’t an inherently bad thing, though. Honestly, that is kind of small potatoes. The problem is how Ishgard got there.

Heavensward’s story had no struggle and no sacrifice. At least, nothing that was meaningful or represented. Literally, Ishgard achieved its peace completely effortlessly.

Why does Ishgard transition so smoothly to a republic? Why is it that when Aymeric says “Hey guys, the dragons said it’s our fault and they’re totally right”, everyone accepts it unanimously? Why does Aymeric manage to take on the politics of the House of Lords and House of Commons so easily and effortlessly? How come Lucia has absolutely no qualms whatsoever about Aymeric’s aide-de-camp being discovered as Garlean? How is it that the Temple Knights and most especially the Dragoons--in which having a doomed hometown that was completely incinerated by dragons and having lost everyone you loved is almost a requirement--accept the peace so readily?

The most that anyone ever suffers is that Aymeric gets stabbed with a fruit knife exactly one time, and some crazy lady in Falcon’s Nest gets shot with an arrow.

And no, Haurchefant and Ysayle most emphatically do not count. Haurchefant was a one-dimensional character whose death was padded to the brim with arbitrary, ham-fisted melodrama, and Ysayle died in a context that was completely and totally irrelevant to her character arc to the point where her death may as well have not happened and literally nothing in the story would have changed.

I'm not exactly advocating for Game of Thrones-esque levels of character death. But even in light-hearted, idealistic stories, there are struggles. There is an ordeal for our heroes to conquer, and the resolution is earned. Can you imagine if, in the Lord of the Rings, Frodo and Sam really did take the Eagles to Mordor and just dropped the ring into Mount Doom? Pop, just like that?

Estinien's struggle over Nidhogg and subsequently over his own vengeance, then dying in order to keep both of those things from continuing to hurt people he cares about. That's a struggle and sacrifice. That's a price paid to overcome a meaningful conflict, because overcoming all meaningful conflict requires a great deal of effort, sacrifice, or both. But Estinien is just fine too. Turns out, all he had to do to kill his most hated enemy was get possessed by him. Huh! More people should try that.

Aymeric could have been a really good avatar for Ishgard’s conflict as a whole. Here we have a military man and bastard son of the Archbishop suddenly become embroiled in politics and trusted to lead the future of his nation. I keep mocking his getting stabbed with a fruit knife in 3.1, but there was some actual drama there: the nobility accused Aymeric of being a patricidal heretic and saw his removing Thordan as a power grab. And the reason why Aymeric seems mostly flat is because the world doesn't give him any consequences to deal with, and even if they do, we never see him deal with this consequences. Ishgard becomes a seamless democracy with no problem. He doesn't care about the Eyes of Nidhogg at all or the implication that Nidhogg might come back as long as they're still intact. Everyone respects and follows him without question. He faces no genuine conflict that reflects upon his character besides "He's a nice guy and does good stuff". Why is Aymeric never overwhelmed by the politics? Why do we never see his frustration from having to juggle the wants and needs of Lords and commoners? Why does he never think about the ramifications of his actions (fucking EYES OF NIDHOGG, ANYONE)? There is a lot of room for serious depth that goes wasted because ultimately, Aymeric is a side character. And the thing is that Lucia can have real depth too besides being Aymeric's arm candy. She's a defected Garlean. We can never tell if her experience as a soldier in the Empire colours her perception of Eorzea or Ishgard. We never see Aymeric really rely on her except as a patsy or a messenger. If Aymeric is busy running the country as Lord Speaker, shouldn't she be in charge of the Temple Knights? Shouldn't Lucia have some apprehensions on being found out as a Garlean and being put in a position of authority? She's devoted to Aymeric and Ishgard, but we never see her be relevant except when she's doing something in Aymeric's stead. Is she ashamed of being Garlean?

Oh well, I guess it doesn’t matter. Peace for everyone, yay!

3). The focus of the story was Fucked with a capital F

Maybe it’s just me, but I am not on board with the game's fetish for the Scions of the Seventh Dawn. I get that they're essentially the "main" characters and the vehicle our characters use to travel all over the place and beat up primals, but the characters are flat and completely uninteresting. I don't care! I want to see Ishgard. I want to delve into a conflicted theocracy undergoing rapid, sudden change. I want to see more Aymeric, more Lucia, more Ysayle and Estinien. Hell, I want to see more of those fucking Fortemps brats more than I want to see the Scions.

This is also where I kind of start to get a little mad.

I get that the main conflict is between the Scions and the Ascians regarding the revival of Zodiark. Fine. I just don't think that the pacing of a far more interesting storyline (the Dragonsong war) should have been completely butchered in order to make room for the Scions and Ascians who really don't even do anything besides show up in the background and remind you that things are going to happen. Not that they are happening, but that eventually there'll be some kind of payoff.

The Scions get a ridiculous amount of screen time considering how little they accomplish and how irrelevant they are to Ishgard, and it is astounding how little effort the game puts in to make us care about them. I don't care about Thancred's missing pants. I don't care about Krile being Minfillia in all but name. I stopped caring about Alphinaud when he had the audacity to tell the Warrior of fucking Light to hand out T-shirts to the Crystal Braves because there’s no Eorzean word for “delegation”.

The Scions are the main characters, fine. This wouldn’t be such a problem if any of them had more personality or dimension than a piece of drift wood. We had the perfect opportunity to explore in-depth this new land of Ishgard and Coerthas, and instead it was wasted on...the Scions.

Here's why I don't like any of the writing for the Scions: they do display a measure of depth, consequence, and respond to consequence, but the thing is that their writing is built on more bad writing. Let's take for example Thancred, who actually has some real weight among the Scions. He felt responsible for Minfillia since he got her dad killed and feels guilt over being unable to save her. He's grieved over Minfilia becoming the voice of Hydaelyn and is much less snarky and less of a womaniser, becoming more stoic as a result. There's some actual development there. Except, the subject of his dramas was a cardboard cutout who was more useless than a DVD rewinder (Minfilia), the whole reason for her death was absurd to the point of raving madness (the entire Ul'dah conflict in 2.5 that started Heavensward...jesus shit), and interactions with Thancred are mostly just exposition. Thancred is always an observer and never a subject. Urianger is about the only Scion I actually like because there is actual emotional depth there that is revealed after the death of Moenbryda and the subject of his affections wasn't totally incompetent. Alisaie got a lot of focus in the last patch, but her character is so transparently a blatant plot device that it's hard to take seriously. She appears and disappears as needed. She had a good arc during Binding Coil where she defrosts but in 3.4 she goes totally Scion-brand flat. And in 3.4, her whole drama was that she wasn't willing to kill a kobold kid who might be tempered. Our teenaged heroine might have a problem with killing children? Stop the presses, Square Enix!

Also, think about this: Moenbryda got introduced in one patch and killed in the next, and she was written way better than most of the Scions, and that was with most of her backstory being delivered via exposition dump. Square Enix can do it, they just choose not to.

4). What is pacing? Can you eat it?

Ugh.

Like I said, I don’t find it especially problematic that Ishgard underwent radical change. I do have an especially HUGE problem with how it happened, though.

If they really had to pull off the "Nidhogg comes back to life" plot device, then Heavensward should have ended with Nidhogg's first death followed immediately by Estinien's possession. 3.1 Aymeric acting in direct opposition to Archbishop Thordan in order to secure peace with Hraesvelgr's brood. 3.2 would deal with Aymeric and Co. working towards securing said peace amidst the chaos about the Dragonsong War, and still end with Vidofnir getting shanked just after a tenuous peace had been agreed upon. 3.3, Nidhogg dies. 3.4 would deal with the conflict of Ishgard's reformation and hint at Thordan’s plans to become a primal, and the expansion ends with 3.5 as Thordan become a Primal in a desperate bid to secure the theocracy's power after peace had been achieved with the dragons.

You can completely write this off as me complaining that the story is bad because I didn’t write it, sure, whatever. But let’s examine what actually happened.

Instead, more than half of the initial expansion story and the subsequent 3.1 and 3.2 patches is spent fucking around with the Scions and watching the Ascians and Warriors of Darkness twirl their bad-guy mustaches going "Guys we are totally still relevant to the story". Then Regula van Hydrus shows up to join the mustache twirling by going "Please don’t forget the Garleans, we put a lot of effort into recycling the Judges from Final Fantasy 12", and seeing Square Enix completely fucking bomb any potential that Ul'dah had to be interesting by not going through with killing off the Sultana.

Side note, what in the flying fuck was the point of the Sultana’s poisoning and the whole Ul’dah thing besides making it so Raubahn now has to put magazines on his lap to turn the pages? If you can legitimately answer this question--and no, getting the WoL to Ishgard does not count because the WoL already had a gazillion reasons to go there that weren’t idiotic--then I’ll buy you a Night Pegasus mount.

I’m going to highlight all of my subsequent issues with addressing the train wreck that is Archbishop Thordan “Wasted Opportunity VII”.

Like I said, I somewhat understand that the writing is constrained by the game design. But that doesn’t really excuse the fact that Thordan’s entire character was completely bonkers.

He locks up Aymeric, runs away from Ishgard, ninja loots the key to Azys Lla, goes to Azys Lla and becomes a primal for about twenty minutes before dying. His entire load blown in the span of a couple of days at best.

And part of this problem is how easily the majority of Ishgard accepts responsibility for starting the Dragonsong War. Thordan's response to Aymeric threatening to reveal the truth shouldn't have been to lock Aymeric up, but to say "Who would believe you?"

The Ishgardians have been the subject of a measured genocidal war that was deliberately transformed into a war of attrition for a thousand years. Are they really such easily manipulated little worms that Aymeric and some foreign wahoo who may or may not have actually killed primals can sway a population from the entirety of their millennia-old tradition and heritage with a couple of speeches?

In addition, the main conflict between Thordan and Aymeric's ideologies in the game is implied to be order versus chaos, except Thordan's idea of "order" is completely batshit and nonsensical.

Thordan's whole deal should have been that Ishgard needs the Dragonsong War, or at least the dragons as enemies, to remain stable and to retain its heritage and national identity. For one thousand years, Ishgard's been throwing themselves at the dragons, and to completely undermine the last thousand years of war would do nothing but sow chaos and breed discontent and destroy the unity that's kept the city together all this time. That is the idea of order that Thordan should have been trying to adhere to: the status quo is god, or ends on favourable terms.

Instead, Thordan for some reason decides that the path to peace is a world of absolute order at the cost of all freedoms and the destruction of anyone who opposes him. He becomes more one dimensional in motivations than Sauron. This is some insane hypocritical thinking since he opens the gates so the Heretics can assault the foundation to fuel the prayers to become King Thordan, and this hypocrisy completely robs him of any legitimacy. There's no escalation. Thordan immediately jumps to fire the nuke that is becoming King Thordan. There's no buildup. And that's most of Heavensward's writing in a nutshell: the pacing is awful, so all these characters either fix things flawlessly in an incredibly short time with no consequences (Aymeric), or immediately become insane (Thordan) to move the plot along.

I don’t trust Stormblood’s content to be compelling at all. Anything that was interesting about Ala Mhigo will be resolved with maybe five lines of dialogue, tops, if Heavensward is any indication. At best, there will be an offscreen resolution that maybe makes sense if you just don’t think about it.

Ala Mhigo has the potential to have a lot of interesting themes and conflict. I just don't trust the writers to actually explore any of that, because who bothers exploring interesting themes and conflict when we can watch Yda be a princess or some shit? Look, Papalymo is hitting someone with Tupsimati! That's interesting, right? Thancred lost his pants again, uh oh! No. The Warriors of Darkness were pretty decent, but the conflict with the Ascians should really be a background thing, a sinister undertone that adds to the gravity of the Warrior of Light going around and saving the world. The instant you shove the mysteries in our face--repeatedly--it stops being a mystery and it takes all the proactivity away from our characters. Here's how we currently handle the Ascians: we sit on our happy asses and wait for them to do something, then react. And maybe we'll save Ishgard on the side if we feel like it. It should be the other way around. We should be proactively going to stop the Dragonsong war as our main motivation. We should be going to liberate Ala Mhigo as our main motivation. I don't think we should be going there with the Scions, waiting for the Ascians, and "Yeah cool the Ascians aren't doing anything, I guess we should liberate Ala Mhigo".

TL;DR i don’t like FFXIV’s story

#ffxiv #rant #heavensward #writing #final fantasy xiv #balmung #ishgard

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toastiko · 4 years

Text

An Update & A Story

Hi guys. I’m finally taking action against my weed dependency. Each day, I’m taking one less hit than the day before. I actually haven’t tried quitting since I went cold turkey, the week before last Christmas. I was only able to stay sober until Christmas day for those wondering. Aside from the one visit to my father in February earlier this year, I’ve smoked every day since Christmas, 2019.

Now I lay here in bed, mostly sober and slightly depressed, wondering, how? How did weed become the top priority in my life?

These thoughts manifested during my sober week before Christmas, but now that I’m laying here, out of weed and sober enough, I can actually put my thoughts into words. Anyway, the main reason I started to abuse marijuana was because of my move from Michigan to Oklahoma (July 1st 2017). But there were a lot of small events that also contributed to the abuse too. The beginning of the abuse started around three years ago, but before we talk about that, you need to know how I was brought up.

This next part is for my friends who I didn’t grow up with. Read it if you want, you won’t make me cry if you don’t.

Parts of the story below may sound like me just bragging. If you take it that way, that’s on you. I’m just trying to be as detailed as possible so people can get a proper understanding of how I was raised.

In 2001, I was adopted at birth in Jackson, Mississippi. (I’ve always grown up knowing that I was adopted and some people think it’s a really touchy subject for me even though I couldn’t care less. In fact, I used to joke about it before my sense of humor vanished ) I was born with my feet completely backwards, or in other words, I had severe clubbed feet. At the age of 2, I had surgery and spent a year in walking casts. During that time, my parents and I in lived in a mansion until 2005, when hurricane Katrina came and shreked everything. So we moved to Oklahoma and lived in a low class barn for around 8 months. In 2007, my dad got a job offer in Lansing, Michigan, and that’s really when my life ‘started’.

The first memory I have of Michigan is driving down our beautiful dead end street with my eyes glued to the falling snow which I had never seen before. We lived in a three story house with a front yard the size of a soccer field and a backyard half the size of a soccer field, with a lake right behind it. Yeah, I had it good, but I didn’t even realize at the time because it was normal to for us to live in big houses. Now the two houses next to us had neighbors with kids my age. JC was one of these kids. The kid was huge - not fat, but well built. He was a French Canadian American who had lived there since birth. If I met him today for the first time, I don’t think we’d be friends, but JC, though he was the same age as me, felt like an older brother. He was disciplined (mostly), goofy, and a little arrogant at times, but we always had a good time when we got together. So most days after school, instead of hanging out with my best friend who lived far, far, down the road, I hung out with JC, and that’s what my life was like after school almost every day until he moved in 2014 (2015? I don’t know)

Now let me tell you about my parents. My dad is an American Armenian who was told by his parents as a child that he was going to grow up to be a heart surgeon, so that’s what he did. He’s disciplined, hardworking, wise - he’s pretty much the smartest person I know. But growing up, I despised him. He lacked empathy and could be extremely insensitive at times. But when things would go bad for me, he always knew exactly what to say and he knew how to get his point across. But I hated him while living in Michigan because I was obsessed with ONLY having fun and playing video games with my friends and he abhorred video games. He would guilt trip me when he’d walk into my room and find me playing something. One time, he even took away my xbox 360 after I failed a test, and said he’d give it back after a week. I never got it back. Despite the negatives, he taught me to not let my emotions get the best of me, he taught me how to remain calm, how to be humble, and so much more.

My mom, on the other hand is the COMPLETE opposite of my dad. She’s outgoing, sensitive, gullible, and unlike my dad, she could befriend ANYONE she meet. When she passes homeless people, she ALWAYS gives them money out of sympathy. To make it clear how nice she is, if you sat Hitler down with her for some tea, Hitler would leave with his mustache shaved, and with a big, teeth grinning smile. She can make anyone like her. My mom spoiled me beyond senseless. She’d end my punishments early, she’d buy junkfood that the neighbors would eat up the next day, and she would buy me whatever I wanted under $200 and then say “Just don’t tell your father!” Even most of my friends at one point said, “Why can’t your mom be my mom?” However, my mom liked and still likes to live in a world where her feelings come before facts. She tends to get ripped off or scammed a lot when she bought stuff online or in person. Not to mention she sometimes follows the crowd instead of thinking critically. Ignoring her flaws, my mother taught me empathy, compassion, and love.

So having parents that were polar opposites from each other really balanced me out as a kid. I was (and still am) a shy boy, but I was quick to open up to whoever I trusted. Unless I was fighting with my parents, I rarely let my emotions control me. I’d be humble and respectful in public and or at school, and then I’d be my immature, batshit crazy and edgy self with my friends.

My school life was okay. In 1st grade, I met my best friend, Christian.

2nd grade I had surgery on my feet again and missed 6th months of school. When third grade came, my dad convinced my mom to hold me back a grade since I missed so much and they switched me over to a private school. I cried and begged them to keep me in the same grade but the answer was ‘nope’. Today, I’m glad they held me back.

Life at the private school, STM, was vastly different than the public school I’d been going to. My grade had about 20 kids and I was the oldest there. All the boys were little jocks. Obsessed with sports. I played soccer and baseball a year before but sports wasn’t really my thing. The boys were nice to me though and I became friends with them, though I barely had anything in common with them. So I turned to the girls. I befriended most of the girls, and even sat at their side of the table at lunch everyday. I had a huge crush on a girl named Casey, and funnily enough, so did all the other boys. So I spent 2nd and 3rd grade trying to slide into Casey’s DM’s and by the end of the third grade, I was in. Well, I mean, we were extremely close. I went to her house, she went to mine, and I was a happy boy. So far, life was going well.

4th grade came and I was scared. Rumor had it that the 4th grade teacher was a mean bitch, and half of my other classmates had switched schools, leaving 9 kids in the class. So I convinced my parents to pull me out and move me to a bigger private school. STA.

This is where shit went down. I went to STA from grade 4 to grade 8. One day, in 5th grade, when we were all edgy, horny boys who had sex ed coming up in a week , eight of us went outside and I recorded a video of one of my friends, goofily explaining how to have sex in five steps. I uploaded the video to Youtube in 2013 titled, ‘Nick’s 5 special steps.’

Two days pass, and I’m sitting in my homeroom with the eight other boys and suddenly two of the school’s priests come in. I remember one thing Fr. A said that day. He made eye contact with every boy in the room besides me, and said,

“I hope to see you all in reconciliation because you all have a lot to atone for.”

I thought this was funny because I was Lutheran and didn’t do reconciliation.

In a smart move, my dad made me delete my first youtube channel, epickarek, in fear that the school would file a lawsuit since the video showed minor’s faces.

After that incident, life was pretty normal and uneventful up until 8th grade. In February, 2016, I was expelled. My friends at STA abhorred me. Those who were my friends a mere two days ago started sending me death threats.

I started going to therapy and went to the public middle school in my area. Switching to that school was one of the best changes in my life. I made sure to tell no one about why I switched schools and within a few days, I had friends in every class. Not close friends, but friends that you could sit down at lunch and have a chat with.

I started hearing the rumors during my second week there. One day, in math class, the girl in front of me, Savannah, turned around and asked out of nowhere, “Did you kill someone? I heard you did.” The classroom was tiny and there were about 8 people in the class so everyone heard, including the teacher, and they turned toward me, waiting for an answer. Instantly, I faintly laughed and said something along the lines of “I wouldn’t be sitting here if I did.” Everyone laughed and the class continued. The next day, it seemed like all 200 kids in my grade were focused on me. People constantly approached me, asking crazy questions and telling me the absurd rumors they heard.

“I heard you stabbed someone.”

“Did you stab yourself?”

“What’s juvie like?”

“My friend at your old school says not to trust you. What did you do?”

The rumors drew more people to me, and ironically, I befriended most of those people once they saw that I wasn’t a psychopath.

When the summer of 2016, came, I had my first serious girlfriend. Despite my parents being on the verge of a divorce, my life was at it’s peak. I had a girlfriend, a best friend, and a whole group of friends who felt like brothers.

The next thing I know, It’s Christmas break and I’m in Oklahoma visiting family and she breaks up with me... for one of my friends. That led me to become super depressed, and angry. Very angry. Most of my friends were there for me. But talking about the breakup openly is the reason why everything went downhill from there. TLDR, My Ex, and myself BOTH overreacted.

I’m not going to tell the whole story online, but If you really want to know, I’ll tell you in person.

Anyway, to shorten a long story, I got a call from my ex’s father saying if I don’t stay away from her, her family will take legal action. So, fearful of court, I respected his demand and stayed away. The next day when I got home from school, I found a FAT stack of papers on the kitchen table labeled, Personal Protection Order, aka a restraining order. I was furious and I stupidly posted to snapchat out of rage, roasting her about it. And within the next week, my family was in court with her’s. The judge, was the same judge who was working my parent’s divorce, (I don’t know why or how that’s allowed) and she did not like my dad, but she especially did not like my mom. Anyway, the PPO said on the front page that I wasn’t allowed to talk about her, ANYWHERE. Online or in person. so that’s why I was there. The judge banned me from the internet for until 2018 and I went home.

Stupidly, I violated the PPO twice after that (The judge then banned me from social media until 2019) and after the third time in court, the judge insulted my mother for how she raised me and I was found guilty, put into a squad car, and SHIPPED.

Like I said, if you want to know more details, just ask me in person. I’m getting pretty good at telling the story.

Fast forward a few weeks and it’s the last day of my freshman year of high school. I’ll never forget that day. I watched the people in my grade throw their hands up, celebrating and rushing out the doors, and I remember just standing there thinking, “I’m never going to see these guys again.”

What’s even worse was the fact that I was going to have to leave my group of around 8-12 friends. And a few prior to the move, my best friend of 8 years ended our friendship because he was upset that I didn’t tell him that I was moving sooner. If that’s how he really felt, I don’t blame him, for I was depressed and acting strange.

My best friend strayed away from our group when he stopped talking to me so I really only had a few select people in my friend group that I could really call friends. Dillion, Josh, Keaton, Brock, (even maybe Preston) although I only spent around a year with them, we had powerful connections with each other. They felt like brothers. So when my mom said she was moving to Oklahoma, I was destroyed. I wasn’t going to let my mom move alone, but I was going to have to leave my support group. It was one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever made. I remember the week before we moved, I drove all around Lansing, listening to the Guardians of the Galaxy II playlist and feeling numb.

Then we moved

Within two months of moving to Oklahoma, smoking weed had become a daily habit. I had already been introduced to it by some friends before I moved, so I was familiar with the drug. At first, It diminished my guilt. I didn’t have to think about my friends I left or my old best friend...

I didn’t have to constantly think about the nice cop leading me out of the downtown courthouse into his car in some loose handcuffs.

I didn’t have to think about being in that dark, concrete solitary cell for two days, going crazy thinking that my white, skinny ass was going to juvie for 21 days like the judge said...

I didn’t have to think about the satanic, traumatizing things I did to that person in 8th grade that I still struggle to forgive myself for....

I didn’t have to think about anything if I just smoked my problems and sadness away.

My first three days as a sophomore were miserable. I had already been to 7 different schools (ask me) and I was exhausted with the thought of having to start over with making new friends. So me, already depressed, convinced my mom to let me do online classes at home.

By the summer of 2018, my cousin had introduced me to his group of friends and we all got along pretty well. We smoked everyday until the end of summer. As fall drew near, I was PARANOID. I was two years younger than most of my friends and I thought I was annoying to them and felt like I intruded on their group, so I distanced myself. I stopped snapping the group chat and stopped inviting them over. I pushed them away because I was paranoid. I had never been as paranoid as I was until I started smoking weed.

2019 came and despite it being the end of my internet ban, I was broken. Being high was the new sober. My highs started turning into a buzz and only a buzz. It didn’t make me laugh or smile, it just made me a lazy husk that played video games and watched youtube endlessly.

When the summer of 2019 arrived, my cousin came to spend the summer with me. Now, I don’t want to rant about other people anymore so I’ll just say this. He knew I was broken. It was clear as day; I’d wake up, sit at my desk all day, then go to sleep. Despite my attempts at open conversation, he was never willing to be vulnerable with me, even when Etika died. So when the end of summer came, we were both very condescending and passive aggressive toward one another.

After that summer, I was left still high, insecure, mean, emotionless, and lonely. I didn’t want to contact my Michigan friends because was a little bitch. I was afraid they would see what I’d become and they’d distance themselves from me, so I turned to the internet. I knew that I had fans and friends that waited two years for my return, so I started streaming. All was going well, but despite all of my internet friends, I wasn’t happy. Not knowing the source of my unhappiness, I continued to smoke and stream, slowly ignoring my internet friends over time, and I continued neglecting myself.

Then mid December came. I don’t remember how it happened, but I stopped smoking for a week. It was during that week that I realized what I just typed above. I was emotionless - I hadn’t genuinely laughed in months, I felt pressured to stream. My relationships sucked and were fading day by day, so I stopped smoking.

Christmas soon came and to simply put it, I relapsed. One small hit. That’s all it took. I took one tiny vape hit on Christmas evening and I’ve been smoking everyday since then.

I’ve wrote this not because I want pity, but because I want to help my friends understand me a little better.

To all of my friends, I know I’ve been distant from all of you. Please, just be a little more patient with me, I’m getting there. :)

Anyway... I started writing this mini essay on July 31st and I’ve spent 6 days working on this. I’ve never talked about some of this stuff openly so it feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest. My final thoughts are in my post that precedes this. Thanks for reading, I love you all, be safe, don’t catch the VID, and remember,

Dicks out for Harambe.

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