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css1992 · 3 years

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Guilty Pleasure

[Porn AU]

Summary: Peter and Beck used to be a power couple in the porn industry, but after Beck dumps him, Peter is forced to start over. With no money, no family and nowhere to go, he doesn’t have much choice other than to keep doing porn, so he joins Just4Fans to get back on his feet and then one day he gets a very generous tip from someone under the username of YKWIM.

All the warnings listed on Part I apply.

Read on AO3

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V / Part VI / Part VII / Part VIII / Part IX / Part X / Part XI / Epilogue

-x-

The last couple of weeks of May flew by, soon June arrived and with it even more sunny days and warmer temperatures. Peter couldn’t help but think that his life fell apart in the winter, and as summer approached, it was slowly getting back on track. He was able to save a decent amount of money every month, his apartment was coming together – he even had a dinner table and chairs by the second week of June –, he was taking on more responsibility at BFF way quicker than expected and he was happier, in general.

He felt comfortable enough to make plans again – with the steady money he was making, he might be able to give up porn in a couple of years and he would still be eligible to apply for some of BFF’s grants and scholarships, meaning he may be able to go to college at 23, after all. Money would be tight for a while, but it was doable. He could always work part-time to supplement his income as well.

Summer also brought some unexpected good news. On a random Thursday morning, he was bombarded with messages on Twitter and Instagram from people asking where they could find his videos now that Beck’s channel was down. He was confused at first, but when he went to check, the channel wasn’t there, it had disappeared from the site.

He gasped. For a total of five seconds, his mind went wild, his heart raced, and his eyes watered. For those five seconds, he felt a mixture of happiness, relief and confusion, knowing those videos weren’t out there anymore, couldn’t be found, couldn’t be seen, couldn’t be remembered. But it was only for five blissful seconds. When his brain turned back on and the first rush of excitement died down, he realized that probably wouldn’t last.

That had happened before, when they first started posting. People mass reported the videos and the channel until they got taken down, because Peter looked very young at eighteen. They had to send a picture of his ID to the website for check several times, it was months before it stopped happening once and for all. Peter assumed Beck was posting videos of his new boyfriend, who he knew looked very young, so it was probably just a misunderstanding and only a matter of time until he got the channel – and the videos – back up.

Still, he allowed himself to count that as a win and couldn’t help but feeling giddy all day, to the point where everybody noticed his good mood – Ned, MJ, people at BFF and Tony.

Tony, who didn’t disappear. As days and nights and weeks went by, Peter stopped waiting for it to happen.

“Someone is awfully cheery today.” The older man grinned at him from the driver’s side that night, as Peter sang along to Ed Sheeran, because it was his turn to choose the playlist. Tony had picked him up from BFF and they were heading to his place for a quiet night in.

“It’s a good day, Tony.” He shot back after the chorus of Put it All on Me and the older man beamed, the corners of his eyes crinkling up.

“It sure is, kitten.” He turned up the volume and Peter sang even louder, causing Tony to burst out laughing.

At some point, he realized life was a little less complicated than he gave it credit for. He realized that if he actually gave things the precise amount of thought they deserved, not everything felt like the end of the world. The minute he decided to just let things happen the way they were supposed to happen, without overthinking every detail, life got so much easier.

He decided not to make the thing with Tony a big deal. Sure, when he thought about it for more than two minutes, it seemed like a huge fucking deal, he was basically dating Tony Stark, one of the richest men in the world, Iron Man himself, the man who had literately saved half the universe from extinction not even two years earlier. So, yes, that seemed like a big fucking deal, but–

But.

To him, he was just Tony. This charming guy who texted him daily to ask about his day and crack acid jokes about his business associates. This kind guy who sent him chocolates when he was feeling down and cooked him dinner every weekend and made sure to e-mail him easy and healthy recipes so he wouldn’t starve to death. This gentle guy who called him beautiful and touched him with such care that he forgot how many hands had left bruises on his skin before.

When he forgot everything Tony was supposed to be and just focused on everything that he was to him, what they had seemed so simple and pure.

He stopped worrying about labels, too. In the beginning, he kept stressing about what they had, what was expected of him, what he expected of Tony, but eventually, he decided none of that mattered. They made each other feel good, they made each other happy, they made each other better, all in all, whatever label he could put on their relationship wouldn’t make any difference, so he let it go.

Weeks later, Peter heard Beck had managed to get the channel back up, only for it to get taken down again in a few hours, then his Instagram and Twitter also disappeared. He wasn’t too surprised, and if he was honest with himself, it was fun imagining Beck losing his mind as he tried to fix it. After all, every day the channel was down, he was losing money. And his social media, specially his Twitter account, was where he promoted his content to thousands of followers, so losing that meant losing money as well, and if there was one thing Peter knew Beck loved, it was money.

He wondered what the fuck the man had done to piss people off like that, it was clearly a coordinated attack, but he wasn’t curious enough to try and find out what happened. He would rather watch from a distance, rejoicing in the satisfaction it gave him to imagine that maybe, just maybe, one of those days Beck wouldn’t be able to get the channel back up and would have to start from scratch, like Peter did. And maybe then he wouldn’t re-upload his videos – that part was a little harder to believe, but who knew, stranger things had happened.

When June came to an end, Peter was surprised with a notification from Tony on Just4Fans. He had almost forgot the man was still subscribed to his account there, they obviously never chatted on the app anymore, and when he opened the notification, his blood ran cold in his veins.

It was a tip.

A hundred thousand dollars tip.

He couldn’t fucking believe it. A tip? For what, a job well done? It wasn’t like Peter was – what did that even mean? Was Tony trying to say something with that, send some kind of message?

He decided not to call him right away, he was too – upset. The older man was picking him up later that evening for dinner, so he decided to wait. Whatever he had to say to him, he wanted to hear it in person. He wanted him to look in his eyes and tell him he thought he was his fucking wh–

“What is the meaning of this?” He asked as soon he got in his car, avoiding the kiss that came his way. Tony blinked in surprise, trying to understand why he got a phone shoved in his face instead of a kiss, and then he finally saw what that was all about.

“Oh, that–“ But before he could answer anything, Peter interrupted.

“I told you I’m not – Tony, why would you – this is so insulting!” He was honestly at a loss for words. They had been seeing each other for almost two months by then, things were going great, they met every week, they made apple pie together, for God’s sake, had he misunderstood all the signs?

“My God, Peter, that’s not that, I just thought – I mean, I’m a billionaire, you know this is pocket change for me, right?” Peter gasped, shocked, and Tony’s eyes widened when he fumbled with the door handle. “Wait! I didn’t mean – Jesus, okay, hold on a second, please!” Tony reached over him to shut the door before Peter could get out of the car. The young man turned to look at him with tears in his eyes and Tony looked incredulous when he leaned back and ran a hand through his hair. “Don’t just assume the worst, have I given you any reason for that?” He sounded hurt, which made Peter gulp. He took a few calming breaths and shook his head slowly.

“No,” he whispered, dropping his gaze.

“Ok, good.” He actually sounded relieved at that. “I am a billionaire, Peter, and this is pocket change for me, which means –“ he raised his voice a little, predicting a reaction from him that didn’t come, “I didn’t realize this would be such a big deal. For me, it’s like giving you, I don’t know, flowers. I didn’t mean this as a payment for whatever you think this is, I just thought this would be a good help. You’re starting your life now, you have that list of yours that you don’t let me see, you’re saving up money, you have your plans for college, I just meant to help. I mean, if we weren’t together, I would have tipped you every month, so I thought –“

“But we are together, Tony, I –“ he was a little calmer then, because that was, in fact, a reasonable explanation and he shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. “Look, I appreciate the gesture, but next time you mean to give me flowers, just give me flowers! I believe you have the best intentions at heart, but it’s just weird for me. I don’t want this to be about money. I just – don’t want that, okay?”

He gazed at the older man as he gaped at him, mouth opening and closing, but no sound came out for a while.

“I just thought – I mean, people usually –“ It was unusual to see Tony speechless like that, but the man shook his head and looked back at him, almost embarrassed. “I just want to help you.”

“Are you kidding me?” Peter poked him in the arm, trying to lighten up the mood in the car. “You’re teaching me how to cook. Yesterday I made an omelet and I only burned one side, I’m getting good at this. That’s a big help.”

Tony didn’t laugh at his joke, like he usually did, he just gazed at him with an unreadable expression, before leaning in to kiss him, which Peter gladly reciprocated.

“I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable,” he whispered, then, resting his forehead against his.

“And I’m sorry I was rude. It won’t happen again,” he promised, and he meant it.

After that night, he removed Tony from his Just4Fans, which came as a blow to the older man, who pouted and whined for about a week, only stopping when Peter showed up at his place one Saturday wearing Iron Man lingerie under his clothes – it was supposed to be a joke, but it worked surprisingly well for Tony.

By July, it became impossible to keep sneaking around Ned and MJ, as the dates became more frequent. Peter decided to tell them that he had met someone online and that they were getting to know each other. He told them it was nothing serious yet and if it became serious, they would meet him.

He did have to throw in a few lies to get them off his back – he definitely had to lie about Tony’s age to avoid certain comparisons, but he would cross that bridge when he got to it, if he ever got to it. He wasn’t sure if or when he was going to tell them the whole truth, but for the time being, he felt more comfortable keeping that relationship to himself.

He and Tony didn’t go out much, but when they did, it was always to fancy and discreet restaurants with private rooms; Tony was, after all, a celebrity for all intents and purposes, and at if the press got a whiff of them there would be no secret left to keep.

But staying in with Tony was far from boring. They cooked together and the older man taught him all of his grandmother’s secret recipes – Peter could never replicate them by himself at home, but it was still fun trying. They spent almost all of their time down in the workshop, though, where Tony had him do menial tasks, like screwing bolts or reaching for a part inside an Iron Man suit. He said his tiny hands were useful for his projects.

He knew he wasn’t really that useful, but he loved when Tony included him and asked for his help, even though he didn’t really need it. He was fascinated by everything the older man taught him in those moments and in turn Tony always looked proud and pleased when Peter put his lessons to use.

He didn’t mind keeping him company when Tony was focused on projects he couldn’t help with, he stayed there anyway, reading a book or watching TV on the tiny couch – Tony kept saying he was going to get a bigger one, but he didn’t believe it, he knew the older man enjoyed the fact that the only way they could fit comfortably on it was if Peter was lying half on top of him.

So after several weeks, they established a little routine of their own. Since Tony had a busy schedule and Peter was still trying to keep Ned and MJ somewhat in the dark, they didn’t meet that often on week days, but they always talked on the phone before bed. On Thursdays, Tony picked him up after his shift at BFF and he spent the night at his place. They had breakfast together on Fridays and then they met again every Saturday after lunch, and finally Tony dropped him back off home every Sunday evening, so he could have dinner with his friends.

In August, for the first time in his life, Peter had two birthday celebrations. One with his friends, when the three of them went bar-hopping and he got home so hammered he had absolutely no idea how they managed to climb the stairs, and another with Tony, when he decorated the workshop with balloons and put party hats on Dum-E and U.

“Surprise!” He yelled lamely, throwing confetti at Peter when they stepped into the workshop. The younger man laughed, delighted, as Tony hurried to the kitchenette and came back with something in his hands. “I know it doesn’t look good, but I promise it tastes good. Probably.” When Peter looked down, he noticed it was a large chocolate cake with ‘Happy Birthday, kitten’ written on it in bright pink icing. It looked so ugly, but it was so beautiful at the same time. “What did I do now?” Tony frowned, face falling.

He blinked a few times and when he touched his cheeks, he realized he was crying.

“I’m sorry, I’m just – really happy.” He grinned, pulling the older man’s face to give him a kiss. “Thank you.”

It was late October when Tony told him he had to go on a trip to China for two weeks, and even though it wasn’t his first work trip since they started dating, five months earlier, it would be by far the longest one since then, so it was kind of a big deal. Still, he didn’t expect to feel so affected, but on the days leading up to it he was so upset he couldn’t hide it.

They spent their last Sunday together wrapped up in each other doing absolutely nothing. They slept in, Tony brought Peter breakfast in bed, which was rewarded with a lazy and sloppy blow job, and they spent all day in bed, only getting up for essentials, like food and water. They didn’t even turn on the TV, they didn’t even talk much. They just held each other and exchanged slow, tender kisses until their bodies were too warm to stay under the sheets.

Tony ran a bath for them and got in the tub – it was big enough for eight people, but Peter made a point to sit in his lap, clinging to him like a koala. He felt Tony’s arms encircle him gently, as he rested his chin on top of his head.

“I’ll be home before you even have time to miss me, kitten.” He whispered, and those were the first words either of them had said in at least a few hours.

Peter didn’t tell him that was impossible since he already missed him, instead he just held him even tighter.

After the bath water went cold, they climbed out of the tub and Tony insisted on drying him, before dressing him in one of his own T-shirts, even though Peter had a multitude of spare clothes in his closet. He sat in bed, watching Tony pack a huge suitcase that reminded him just how long he would be gone for. He sulked a little – just a little – and that earned him a little kiss on his forehead, which was enough to undo the frown between his brows.

Finally, in the evening, Tony parked his car in front of Peter’s building, turning to look at him with an almost pained smile, before leaning in for a kiss.

“I’m gonna miss you,” Peter whispered against his mouth and felt when Tony’s lips stretched into a small smile. He pulled away a little, just enough to look into his eyes, and cupped his chin in his hand.

“I’ll miss you too, but I won’t be long, ok? It’s just a few days.” He pecked Peter’s lips one more time for good measure and the younger man nodded.

“Call me if you have time.”

“Of course, kitten, every day.” He leaned in for another kiss, this one longer than the previous, and Peter’s heart fluttered. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out, containing the urge to say those three words that had been trapped in the back of his throat for weeks.

“Have a safe trip. Let me know when you land.”

“I will, baby.”

Peter got out of the car and waved, watching as it disappeared down the street. He sighed and his heart ached, he already missed Tony and it had only been a few seconds, how was he going to survive fifteen whole days? It seemed impossible. It was crazy to think how far they had come since March, when they talked for the first time. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

He turned to go inside, but froze in place when he heard a familiar voice.

“So that’s why you’ve been ignoring me, huh? How rude.” He turned slowly to the left, only to be met with Beck’s cocky, arrogant smile, just a few feet away from him. “I tried calling, I tried texting, you’ve blocked me everywhere, I can’t even e-mail you anymore, it appears.” Beck walked slowly and leaned against the rails of the stairs to Peter’s building and the younger man curled his hands in fists, trying to control the urge to just run. “Long time no see, Petey-pie.”

He was paralyzed, muscles rigid, but to his own surprise, it wasn’t fear that he felt, or sadness. It was pure anger.

“I wonder why,” he answered quietly, but firmly. Beck’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline, before the smile was back in place. “How did you find me?” He demanded, because Beck had never cared to ask where Peter was going to stay after he kicked him out, so how in the hell would he know where to find him?

“Wasn’t easy, I have been following you on Instagram, some of your morning run routes seemed familiar, so I–”

“You stalked me?” He frowned, taking a step closer to the other man, who looked at Peter with indignation and hurt. He shook his head, softened those baby blue eyes and placed one hand over his chest, right above where his heart would have been if he had one.

“I just wanted to see you, is all.” He shrugged, dropping his gaze to stare at his own feet, and Peter wanted to roll his eyes. It was so weird watching his whole act now that the spell had been lifted.

“What do you want?” He asked, making the older man’s head snap back up, a little surprised by his cold tone.

“I just told you, I wanted to see you. I missed you.” He took a few steps towards Peter, who in turn walked backwards to keep his distance

“You missed me?” He scoffed, shaking his head. “Where’s your new boy-toy, you put him away so you could come play with me?” He cocked his head to the side and, for a moment, he could see the shock crossing his features.

“Pete… Why are you acting like this, it’s like I don’t even know you anymore...” His voice broke and he looked away, pretending to wipe away a tear. He wondered how the hell he used to fall for that.

“You don’t, Quentin. I’m not a lost little boy anymore, you should go back to your boyfriend. Or is he smarter than me and dumped you already? Is that what this is all about?” He narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest, and Beck’s mouth hung open like he couldn’t believe his words.

“I made a mistake, Pete. After so many years, I took you for granted, I couldn’t see what I saw the first time I met you. I couldn’t see how beautiful you were, how caring and loving you were, how loyal and reliable and – I don’t know, I was blind. I was so stupid, I shouldn’t have left you.” His eyes were wide, earnest, shining with unshed tears. His face was open, even his body language screamed honesty. Suddenly, he didn’t feel so bad about falling for his act – Beck was good. “Don’t you miss me, baby? Don’t you miss us?”

Peter snorted, shaking his head, he couldn’t believe the nerve of that man.

“You made a mistake, huh? So you dumped your new boy, right? If I were to go home with you right now, he wouldn’t be there, waiting for you, like a fucking plan B, in case this doesn’t go your way. Right?” It was his turn to take a few steps towards the older man. “Like I was your plan B while you waited for him to turn 18?”

“Peter, c’mon–“

“Is he there, Beck? Just answer me that. Come on, if he’s not, I’ll take you back right now, we can go home together.” He insisted, looking into the older man’s eyes, but he didn’t say anything, he just sighed. “Of course he is. If I said yes, what would you do? Tell him to pack his things in the middle of the night and leave? Would you keep all the money he’s made you and tell him to fuck off? Would you leave him broke and lonely and fucking lost in this world? Would you tell him that he wasn’t good enough and dispose of him like he’s fucking garbage?” His voice grew louder and louder, and when he came to himself, he noticed he was in Beck’s face, their chests almost touching, so he took a step back. “So to answer your question, Quentin, no, I don’t fucking miss you. You fucking ruined me!”

“I saved you!” And just like that, the good guy act was gone. His whole demeanor changed, the soft baby blues widened, his mouth was set in a sneer, he puffed out his chest to intimidate him, but Peter stood his ground. “Don’t pretend you don’t remember who you were before me. You were a fucking loser! An orphan, no family, no friends, no future! I took you in, I took care of you, I gave you a profession – don’t fucking roll your eyes, what the fuck are you doing now, huh? Rocket science? ‘Cause it seems to me like you’re still doing porn, and now you’re clearly branching out into prostitution, would you look at that!”

“You have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about!” He placed his hands on the man’s chest and pushed him away when he got too fucking close for comfort. He held his breath when he realized what he had done, afraid of the man’s reaction, but he just kept his distance.

“You know what? Fuck you, Peter. I was wrong about you, I thought I knew who you were, I thought I missed you, but you’re just a disgusting fucking whore, after all. You’re a dirty little bitch in heat who likes to get this loose hole of yours fucked by old perverts, I don’t know why I’m surprised, I mean, that’s why I dumped you, you were enjoying those videos a little bit too much for my taste. You weren’t even satisfied with two cocks up your ass, one in your mouth and a line of men waiting to fuck you. You disgust me.” He started walking away, and Peter wanted to say something, he wanted to yell at him and defend himself, he wanted to tell him he didn’t fucking enjoy it, he wanted to tell him that it was all his fault, he threw him to the lions, he let those men fucking–

Fuck!

He rushed inside the building and ran upstairs, eyes clouded with tears. He tripped and fell knees first on the steps, but he didn’t even feel pain, he just got up and kept going, kept running, trying to put as much distance between him and Beck as he could, even though it was irrational. Beck was gone, he walked away, he left him, he left him again, he wasn’t coming back–

“Ned?!” He knocked urgently on his friends’ door. He didn’t have his spare key, it was upstairs in his own apartment, but he couldn’t trust himself to go all the way up there and down again without having a full on panic attack. “MJ?! Are you guys home?!” He was really trying not to sound too desperate, he didn’t want to scare them, but it was hard controlling his emotions when his heart was hammering against his chest and he couldn’t fucking breathe.

“Peter?” It was MJ who yanked the door open. She had a towel wrapped around her torso, her hair was wet, and Peter felt guilty, but she took one look at him and quickly pulled him into a hug. “My God, Peter...” She whispered into his hair when he started sobbing uncontrollably on her naked shoulder. “Come on in, c’mon.” He heard the door closing behind him, but he didn’t let go of her, he felt like if he did, he wouldn’t be able to hold himself together.

He wanted to tell her not to worry, that she should go finish her shower and change, but he really, really needed her right then. She sat down on the couch, pulling him with her and he promptly laid down, burying his face in her legs. He couldn’t stop crying and sobbing and no matter how many times she asked him what was wrong, sounding increasingly more worried, he couldn’t get his feelings under control enough to give her any answer.

He was there for what felt like hours, when at some point someone lifted him from MJ’s lap and enveloped him in such a tight hug he couldn’t breath for a second, but he sighed in relief, it was right what he needed. Ned’s arms felt like home, it calmed him down almost instantly – his voice whispering that it was fine, everything was going to be okay helped a lot, too.

“I hate him, I hate him so fucking much,” he mumbled into his shoulder, God knew how much time later, and his friend just hummed, patting his back. “I hate that he made a mess of me and I let him.” He couldn’t hold back more tears when he said that, because it was true, it was so fucking true. He let Beck do whatever he wanted to him, he let him ruin his dreams, his future, his fucking personality, until he was nothing but a shell of what he used to be.

“I know, Peter, I know,” Ned soothed him, rubbing his back, even though he probably had no idea what he was talking about. “It’s okay now. You’re okay. It’s over”

“I made tea.” MJ’s quiet voice sounded somewhere from his right and when he turned to look at her, she was already dressed, wet hair up in a bun, with a mug in her hands, which she extended to him. He accepted it but didn’t dare to take a sip, he was positive that if he did, he would throw up, his stomach was all kinds of fucked up at that moment. “Peter, what happened? Did Star – uh, did your boyfriend do something? Did he hurt? ‘Cause I swear to God–” Just the mention of Tony being the cause of his distress made him sick, so he cut her off.

“Beck was here.” He sniffed, looking at the mug to avoid their eyes when he heard both of them gasping.

“Beck? Beck was here? Fucking Beck?” MJ screeched and he nodded.

“He was waiting for me outside.” He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to gather enough energy to have that conversation.

“What did he want?” Ned asked calmly, while MJ paced the floor, furious.

“I don’t know...” He shrugged, wrecking his brain to try and figure out what his motive was. “His channel got taken down a few weeks ago and he couldn’t get it back up. I heard he had to start over.” He hadn’t been watching that closely, but he knew something was wrong, even his Twitter and Instagram accounts kept getting taken down almost monthly, it was impossible he was making any money over the past few months. “He said he wanted to get back together, probably because he thinks us making up would be a big hit or whatever. I said no, of course. He didn’t like the answer.”

“Did he hurt you?!” MJ strode back to him until she was standing right in front of him, looking into his eyes. He was almost intimidated by her.

“No, he just… Said some pretty shitty things, is all,” he answered sheepishly, because he hated that that man could still make a mess of him with just a few hurtful words.

“Oh, dude. He’s just mad he’s lost control over you. Whatever he said, he just wanted to hurt you, it doesn’t mean anything.” Ned placed an arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer, and Peter rested his head against his, sighing.

“I know. He was always like that, you know,” he whispered, as flashes of memories crossed his mind. “When I didn’t bend to his wishes, when I didn’t do things his way, he fucking–“ He squeezed his eyes shut, furious, because he had fallen for that again. “He tries to charm me and when it doesn’t work, he attacks me. But the thing is, he really knows what to say to destroy me. It just sucks. But it’s fine. I just need a moment, I’ll be fine.” He sat up straight and looked both of his friends in the eyes.

“Yes, you will. You most certainly will.” Ned patted his shoulder one last time, getting up from the couch. “Why don’t you lie down for a second, huh? I’m making dinner, I’ll even try one of those recipes your mystery boyfriend taught you.” Just the mention of Tony made him breathe a little easier, even though he wouldn’t be able to see him for a while.

“Okay.” He nodded, smiling softly. MJ took Ned’s place on the couch and he lay down, placing his head on her legs, as she ran her fingers through his hair. He sighed contently and closed his eyes, feeling exhausted. He was close to drifting off when he heard Ned gasp.

“Oh my God,” He breathed quietly from the kitchen and both Peter and MJ looked at him curiously from over the back of the couch.

“What?” She didn’t look too worried, but Peter was concerned about how pale he was.

“Ned, what’s wrong?” He frowned, watching Ned’s horrified expression looking at his phone like it was a murder scene. He raised his eyes and gulped.

“Peter is trending on Twitter,” he whispered, after a while.

“What?!” They both hurried over to the kitchen counter, and the first thing Peter saw when he looked at his phone was a picture of him and Tony in his car, kissing. As Ned scrolled down, more pictures showed up, but not only that, clips of his old videos were all over Twitter, people knew his full name, his real name, and they were making all sorts of comments. Iron Man, Tony Stark, Peter Parker, sex worker, prostitute and porn were trending.

The room was completely silent for a whole minute, before MJ turned on the TV.

“… appear that Tony Stark, former CEO of Stark Industries and retired Avenger, was seen kissing a young man in his car earlier this evening. The person in the pictures seems to be one Peter Parker, a twenty-one year old porn actor, who is also said to work as a prostitute…”

Peter’s heart sank to the bottom of his stomach, his vision blurred and he felt bile rising in his throat. He took a deep breath and got up from the couch, ears ringing, as he rushed to the front door. He heard his friends yelling something, but he couldn’t make out their words, and he just couldn’t deal with all that right then and there.

“I, uhm, I gotta go,” he called from over his shoulder, slamming the door shut on his way out.

As he ran upstairs, vision blurred by tears and chest hurting, begging for oxygen, he couldn’t help but remember his life fell apart in the winter. And fall would be over soon.

-x-

So... It appears that someone has lost the ability to write short chapters...

Anyways, only three more chapters to go! 🥳

Tag list (please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed from the list): @sadachmesarthim @iamnotparticularlyproud @staticwhispersinthedark @bluestarker @ whyisthisathingcb

#starker #peter parker x tony stark

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dream-a-little-bigger-x · 4 years

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Prove Them Wrong | Reggie Peters

A/N: I got these two requests for a Reggie fic and decided to merge them together, I hope you don’t mind!

Request 1: Please i just want a fanfic of reggie discovering YouTube and uploading home is where my horse is video and the gang reacting to it since people absolutely love it

Request 2: Hi!! Can you do one where the reader is julies friend and is with her when the boys come back and her and Reggie have a instant connection and he follows her around and is always talking to her

Relationships: Reggie x Reader, Sunset Curve x Reader, JATP x Reader

Warnings: Fluff?

Words: 4,165

Your life has been pretty ordinary for the past 16 years. A life pretty much every person would call boring was a life you wouldn’t change for the world’s most expensive things. Until you met Reggie and the other boys from Sunset Curve. You say boys, but it would be much more accurate if you said ghosts. Sunset Curve was a ghost band from the 90’s that popped into your life one night when you were helping your best friend Julie clean up her mother’s studio.

2 months earlier…

A text from Julie comes in when you’re doing your homework on your bed whilst watching reruns of Friends on your laptop. The show makes for good background noise, you find. “911!” Worry rises within you as you read the call-for-help text from your best friend. “U ok?” you text back. Three dots begin dancing on the screen, raising suspense. “Do u wanna come help me clean out mom’s studio? :( x” A soft smile plays at your lips whilst more dots appear. “Don’t think I can do it by myself.” You close the Netflix app on your laptop and get up to put some proper pants on. You had the habit to kick your jeans off the second you got home. Prancing around in your underwear after a tough day at school has become one of your favorite things to do, but Julie might not appreciate that too much, nor would the neighbors. “OMW!” you quickly text back and hop into your Vans before heading down to the Molina house. You find your best friend behind the grand piano, looking up at the chair-decorated ceiling of the shed. Something Julie’s mom did with a superstitious meaning you’d kind of forgotten. Neither you nor Julie believed it, to be fair. “Hey,” you greet softly, making her look at you. A smile appears on her lips, glad you’d be willing to come over and help. Like you’ve been so many times last year when her mother died. You’d be there to listen to her talk about all the memories with her mom, or to hug her as she cried because she missed her. This is just another part of the grieving process she needs to get through, and you’re there to hold her hand all the way through it. “Are you okay?” you ask, walking towards the piano and leaning your forearms on it. “Yeah, it’s just a little weird to be here…” she says as her eyes start scanning the entire space. “There are so many memories of her in here.” Her fingers glide across the piano keys. “Yeah, I know,” you whisper, not wanting to bring up anything that might hurt her. You remember the days you’d come over to play with Julie and you’d hear her mom singing in her studio. You remember when you’d make music together with Carrie and her dad and Julie’s mom. There are so many unfinished songs about bunnies and puppies from when you were kids, and even some more recent ones about the person you had a crush on or about that boy that broke your heart when you were fifteen. Those songs are now stored away in the back of your mind, waiting for the day Julie would start singing again. Along with all those memories you put on tape. “Let’s get crackin’!” you tap the top of the piano in a rhythmic beat before stepping away and holding out your hands for Julie to take. The girl gets up from the stool behind the piano and carefully places her hand in yours. You pull her away from the piano and halt in the middle of the garage, looking up to the loft that suddenly seems very looming. Both of you know whatever’s up there is the ghost of a musician’s past, and not even Julie’s mom’s. No, all the instruments up there are from the people that used to live here. Julie never told you, but you’re certain Carrie’s dad used to live here when he was a child and sold his parents’ house to Julie’s parents when they died. You’d noticed the way Trevor always stood in the doorway, glancing around with soft eyes and a tender smile tugging at his lips. Almost like he’s reminiscing about his past. Besides, he’s accidentally slipped up a few times when talking about his childhood, saying he used to play around here with some of his buddies. No one else ever mentioned it, so you didn’t either. There’s probably a good reason for him not to speak about his past in too much detail. You climb up the stairs first and step up on the wooden floor, letting your eyes scan over all the junk up here. Keyboards, old guitars, drumsticks, even an entire drum kit, along with bags and backpacks, all strewn around the place. “Y/N,” Julie’s voice makes you snap out of your thoughts. You look down to find Julie still on the stairs, half of her body in he loft. She’s holding a CD up to show you. “Sunset Curve?” you read aloud from the black CD case. “Never heard of that band.” “Let’s give it a listen?” she suggests and after receiving an agreeing nod from you, she climbs down again, followed by yourself. She places the CD into the stereo whilst you sit down on the couch. Julie presses play and joins you. “1-2-3 Take off, last stop Countdown till we blast open the top Face first, full charge--” The music fades away as it’s overpowered by a loud screeching noise. You look over at Julie, who has her hands up to her ear to cover them from the noise. Your eyebrows knit together, confused as to what’s happening. It might just be a fault in the production of the song? Or maybe a scratch on the CD? Before you can even come up with a decent reason, a bright flash lights up the entire garage, followed by a loud thud. And, when you look up, you find three boys in the middle of the studio, scrambling up from where they’d come down harshly. You and Julie quickly get up from the couch, wanting to take a closer look at the scene in front of you. “Woah! How did we get back here?” One of them says, confused about his surroundings. Julie lets out an ear-piercing scream before running out of the garage, leaving you with those three boys. You have no clue what’s happening, and you don’t know what to do either. Should you run and hide like Julie? Or should you just wait and see if they have a reason for being here? “Hello!” one of them yells excitedly, making you snap out of your train of thoughts. It’s the dark-haired boy with the red flannel tied around his waist that’s talking to you. “I’m sorry, who are you and what are you doing in our studio?” Your eyes widen at this. They think this is their studio? “I-I’m… I’m sorry, gimme a second,” you say, holding up your finger. The boy nods curtly before you dash out of there too, running up to Julie’s room with the question haunting your head ‘Who are they? And why do they think it’s their studio?’ After a while, you and Julie pluck up the courage to go back into the garage, armed with a cross since Julie’s positive they’re ghosts. Turns out they are. They -- along with Google -- explain they’re three ghosts that used to be in a band called Sunset Curve and that they died after eating bad hotdogs in ‘95. Luke, Reggie and Alex introduce themselves to you, and from that moment on, you’re certain these three ghost boys will change your life forever. And they do.

Present day

To say your life has changed since the day those boys came into your life is an understatement. It went from studying while watching Friends in your room to going out to their gigs almost every Saturday and sitting in on their rehearsals every day after school. You, along with Julie, have grown very close to the boys in the last five months. They’ve become your best friends you could talk to about everything and anything. But the most special connection you have, is with Reggie. Ever since that day, the boy hasn’t left you alone. Every time you’re at the Molina house, he’ll poof in, wherever you are. Whether you’re getting a drink or a snack in the kitchen, or you’d just come out of the bathroom, he’d be there. This caused a lot of heart attacks, but also a lot of deep conversations.

Especially if he came to your own house. This was mostly when he’d had a bad day or missed his old life or his parents. He’d poof into your room and just tell you to do whatever you were doing, that he just wanted to hang out. After a few times, you didn’t even ask anymore and he didn’t have to tell you to just continue whatever you were doing. Those nights even ended with the two of you cuddling, which is something you realized you could do for some unknown reason. But you liked it, so you didn’t think too much about it. Today is Friday, which means it’s the last big rehearsal before the boys and Julie have their gig tomorrow night. And though you’d much rather be there with them, you have to watch your little siblings for the night since your parents have gone out to a dinner party. You’re making some popcorn in the kitchen for all of you to munch on when watching a movie, when Reggie suddenly poofs in, making you jump. You hadn’t expected him to come in this early, which causes the worry to well up inside of you. Something must’ve happened. “Reg, you okay?” you ask in a hushed voice, glancing back at the kids in front of the tv. “No…” he murmurs, wringing his flannel in his hands. He looks sad, sadder than when he misses his old life, which means something really bad must’ve happened. “Gimme a second,” you say and turn to leave the kitchen. Reggie smiles a little as those words remind him of the first words you ever said to them. “Kids, it’s time for bed!” Moans and whines come from the little kids on the sofa, protesting their early bedtime. “No complaining! Chop chop!” you rushed them up the stairs before returning to the kitchen. “Get yourself comfy on the couch, I’m just gonna put them to bed real quick, okay?” Reggie nods agreeingly and watches you walk away again. He grabs the bowl of popcorn you’d prepared and takes it into the living room. Even though he can’t eat, he’d want you to snack on it since you’re the one that made it. “Sorry it took so long. They can be really stubborn sometimes,” you exhale frustratedly as you plop onto the couch next to Reggie. “Now, tell me, what’s going on?” “So, I suggested to Luke we’d try this song I wrote a while ago,” he starts solemnly. “Home is Where My Horse is?” you ask, remembering him writing that up in your room. You’d even helped him on some verses. “Yes, that one! But he just rejected it… Again!” he sighs exasperatedly, throwing his head back on the backrest of the couch. “Yelled at him that he didn’t appreciate my talent and just poofed out,” he chuckles airily, and you do too. “I’m sorry Luke isn’t more open to your creativity, Reg… I really wish I could help you somehow, if I knew something I--” you stop in your tracks as an idea pops into your head. “What is it, Y/N?” he asks, getting excited as it seems you have an idea. “What if we film you singing the song and upload it on YouTube?” you suggest, eyes twinkling at the idea alone. He nods excitedly at first, but then slows down when he realizes he has no clue what you’re talking about. “What’s a YouTube?” he asks. You let out a giggle before grabbing his hand and leading him towards the dining table where you’d left your laptop. You open it on the site and show him the home page filled with different types of recommended videos. “It’s a platform where people can post videos of whatever they like. A lot of artists use it for their music videos nowadays. It’s where I posted ‘Edge of Great’ a few weeks ago,” you explain.

He peers at the screen with wide, intrigued eyes. You then lean forward and type in ‘Queen don’t stop me now’ before hitting enter. Reggie’s eyes widen even more as you press play on the music video.

“I could film you with my dad’s equipment and edit the whole thing together and upload it. At least then the world will see how truly talented you are and maybe Luke might change his mind too?” He eagerly nods his head in agreement, getting excited about the whole idea. Besides him being able to prove to his band that his country songs are worth taking a second look at, it’s also a good opportunity for you to test out some new techniques.

So, on Saturday, the two of you get up at the crack of dawn -- or you do since ghosts don’t really sleep -- and make your way down to the riding club your little brother goes for riding classes. You’re acquainted with the owners, so they’ll let you film whatever you need around there. Doesn’t even matter if it looks like you’re not filming anything. “Okay, you ready?” you mutter as you set up the first scene. He’s currently sitting on a picnic bench with his guitar in his lap and the stables in the background. Your camera is set up in front of Reggie with the stable doors on each side of his head, perfectly balanced. You simply nod your head curtly as his ‘action’ sign. He immediately starts strumming his guitar and singing out his self-made words. “Home, what is it really? Sometimes it’s a someone and not a place, It’s that feeling of being safe, It’s about who you’re with at the end of the day…” You spent the entire day running around the ranch, letting Reggie sing his song multiple times in different locations. You even film a couple of nature shots to edit in later. This is just going to be the greatest music video you’ve ever made, and it’s all thanks to Reggie. Your Sunday is spent behind your laptop, editing Reggie’s footage until it’s turned into a somewhat coherent video. “Hey!” Reggie poofs into your room late that night. “Where’ve you been? You missed movie night!” he asks, worry laced in his voice. You don’t even take your eyes off your screen. It’s almost finished just a few more… Yes! “I just finished editing your video! Wanna see?” He nods his head excitedly, so you make some room for him on the chair you’re sitting on. He seems hesitant at first, but eventually sits down on the very edge. Your entire side that’s touching his tingles. It’s always been a weird feeling to touch him, but this is from an entirely new calibre. You rewind the video and press play. There’s a shot of the surrounding nature at first and some horses galloping in the distance whilst the strumming of his guitar floats out of the laptop. Then the camera pans to Reggie on the picnic bench with his guitar. “Home, what is it really? Sometimes it’s a someone and not a place, It’s that feeling of being safe, It’s about who you’re with at the end of the day… and for me” The picture changes to Reggie looking out into the meadows, watching the horses frolic around in the grass with a couple of shots of him playing his guitar as he’s walking along with the horses. “Home is where my horse is! Riding through trees by the river Feel the summer breeze smile gettin’ bigger Home is where my horse is Don’t need a house or a roof I just put on the saddle, lace up my boots Cuz home is where my horse is” In the next few shots, you’re even in it. Reggie had grabbed your camera and placed it on the grass before grabbing your hand and pulling you out into the meadow with him to dance. It probably looked most ridiculous to any bystanders, but the footage is too pretty not to use. You can just about see two silhouettes dancing around over the grass with a flare of sunlight breaking in and giving it a magical flair. “I don’t need the streets Don’t need the city lights I don’t need a fancy car I just hop on my horse and ride” You’d filmed a couple of the riders too, since Reggie himself couldn’t really ride a horse seeing he’s a ghost and everything. But it made for some good footage to set the scene of the song properly. “Home is where my horse is! Riding through trees by the river Feel the summer breeze smile gettin’ bigger Home is where my horse is I see the beautiful beast running up to me And I know I’m home” The song ends and the screen fades to black, Reggie vanishing as he looks out into the meadow again. You look up at real-life ghost Reggie with expectant eyes. He’s just staring at the black screen for a moment, mouth ajar and eyes wide. “Woah!” he finally mutters. “That was amazing, Y/N! Show me that again!” he exclaims excitedly. Of course you oblige and show him again. This time, he points out everything he loved. “This is my favorite part!” he says, pointing at the screen as the two of you are shown dancing. You can’t help but smile at how excited he gets over this collaboration. “So, can I upload it?” you ask when the screen fades again. “What?! Of course! Put it on the Tube-thing!” he claps his hands excitedly and watches as you open the site and start the upload on the Julie and The Phantoms channel. You had edited their Edge of Great video when Ray asked your father to help him film, so you pretty much had the right to do this, even if Julie might say otherwise. “There we go! It’s set to upload in about five minutes!” you say and turn to Reggie, almost forgetting how close he’s sitting until he’s literally mere inches away. You can actually feel his hot breath tickling your lips. A wave of warmth rushes through you when you catch his eyes darting from your lips to your eyes and back again. “You’re really talented, you know that?” You simply hum in response to this compliment, not that you agree with him, but you don’t know what else to do. You’re completely frozen in place. His eyes are so pretty up close. They’re the most beautiful shade of green you have ever seen, especially with that twinkle in them. “Can I kiss you?” his soft voice makes you snap out of your thoughts about those dreamy eyes. “Wh--what?” you stutter, hoping you did hear that right, but not wanting to assume. “C-can I kiss you?” he repeats, his voice just above a whisper.

“Yeah.” Your voice wavers ever so slightly. Reggie’s eyes flutter close as he leans in to press his lips to yours. There’ve been times you dreamed about doing this, but you never thought you’d actually be able to kiss him. The ability to touch him was a surprise and a miracle, you didn’t think this would be possible too. A bleep coming from your computer causes you to pull away abruptly. You just about catch the smile on Reggie’s face before you turn to the screen, madly blushing yourself. “It’s ready to go!” you state excitedly and start typing up a description for the video. “What are you doing?” he asks, peering over your shoulder. “Typing up a little description for the fans, or whoever watches,” you reply as your fingers stilt for a second to think about what else to write. “Home is Where My Horse is, a Reggie original. Written and performed by your favorite bassist, Reggie Peters. Filmed and edited by Y/N Y/L/N. Special thanks to Hold Your Reins Ranch.” He reads the little text aloud. “Nice,” he nods his head, impressed by your abilities with this foreign platform. “And we’re live!” you inform him as you have pressed the post button. “Thanks, Y/N,” he says with a soft smile, making you look at him again. “I’m just gonna kiss you again, is that okay?” You nod your head before closing the distance between the two of you and kissing him again. This is not what you’d expected to come from this project, but you’re glad it had. This feels right. That night, you send Julie a message with the link to the video. “Give the boy a chance. This is an actual bop!” you sent along with it. You’re a little scared you might’ve overstepped and shouldn’t have suggested making this video for Reggie and you definitely shouldn’t have posted it to the Julie and The Phantoms YouTube channel. It probably wasn’t your place to mingle into a band conflict, but you couldn’t handle seeing Reggie so upset.

“Get ur talented ass to the studio. NOW,” Julie’s text reads. It sounds a little passive-aggressive, but you still obey and hop into some pants and shoes before heading down the other end of the street where the Molina house stands. “‘Sup, kids?” you say when you find the boys and Julie on the couch, throwing up a peace sign. The bubbliness might camouflage the nerves building up inside you. “Care to explain yourself, miss Y/L/N?” Julie starts with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. You glance over at Reggie. He’s glancing down at the rings around his fingers. “I’m sorry, Jules. But I really think you ought to give this boy and his horse a chance!” you aggressively point at the boy in question, whose head snaps up at this. Now he’s looking at you with a scared, yet tendered expression on his face. “I was joking, babes,” Julie mutters, holding her hands up in defense. “We didn’t think you’d react this defensive over this…” Your eyebrows knit together as confusion takes over you. “Wh-what do you mean?” you question. “Your video has been viewed over a thousand times already and it’s only been up for about two hours, Y/N,” Julie explains and turns her laptop for you to see the view count at 1,327. Your breath hitches in your throat at the large number. That’s how many people have seen your work? I mean, you would’ve watched it that many times in a row yourself because that song is actually amazing. These people are stupid for not giving it a chance earlier. “Woah, Reg! That’s a lot of people hearing your song!” you exclaim excitedly. The boy gets up from the couch and walks over to you with a proud smile on his face. “Actually….” he starts and scrolls down on the laptop. You taught him how to do that. “They’re loving your camerawork and editing!” He shows you all the comments underneath the video. The reactions are divided evenly between praise for the song and praise for your work. “Wha--” your eyes dart from Reggie to Alex, then to Luke and Julie. “We had a band meeting and we want you to become our band’s official videographer,” Alex announces with that soft smile of his plastered on his lips. Your mouth drops in disbelief. You’ve always loved videography and editing, but you always saw it as something fun, not as an official band thing. After months of sitting in rehearsals and watching gigs, you’re finally going to be part of the band. Or close enough to being a part of the band. “What do you say, babe?” Reggie asks when you’ve been quiet for a good minute. Luke and Alex exchange glances at the sudden use of pet names. That’s new. “I mean, it could be cool?” you shrug humbly. The band cheers, Alex and Luke even high five. Before you can even go over to hug Julie, Reggie’s already cupped your face and crashes his lips to yours. You’ll never get used to that feeling. “That’s new,” you hear Alex say when the two of you pull away. You need a good second to cool it after that passionate kiss, but once you do, you beckon the others over for a group hug. “Thank you, guys,” you whisper and press a kiss to Julie’s hair as a thank you. From that day on, you’re not only known as the Julie and The Phantoms videographer, but also as the cute bassist’s girlfriend. To say your life has drastically changed since meeting these boys would be the understatement of the year.

Taglist: @hannahhistorian92 @marinettepotterandplagg @thequirkybookaholic @bookdealer5 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @hemmingsness @iainttakingshitfromnobody @ifilwtmfc @angryknightstatesmantrash @kiss-themoongoodbye @rudysbay @thedarkqueenofavalon @caitsymichelle13 @calamitykaty @wiselight @kcd15

#julie and the phantoms #julie and the himbos #jatp #reggie jatp #jeremy shada #alex jatp #owen joyner #luke patterson #charlie gillespie #julie molina #madison reyes #reggie jatp x reader #reggie jatp fic #jatp fic #reggie peters

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angelic-holland · 5 years

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Alice’s 4k Fic Rec List

Wow! I wanted to thank each and every one of my followers for putting up with me! As a little thank you I wanted to put together this fic rec list of some of my favorite fics. Feel free to send in your own fics and I’ll read as many as I can in my spare time. This is by no means a comprehensive list of fic recs but some of my absolute favorites! My little feedback paragraphs include some spoilers so feel free to skip over them when checking out the fics!

Peter Parker x Reader

Three Words by @screamholland

Yeah this tore me to pieces! I remember reading it and crying and being like “why must angst hurt me this way” and now I’m addicted to writing angst. The way he looked at you made you feel like a masterpiece displayed in a museum. Yeah! Need Peter Parker to look at me like that. The innocence and beauty of someone’s first love is precious, so fucking precious.

Band Ten Heart by @robbinholland

This fic is just SO cute. Peter being a fumbling dork is what I live for. The reader describing the cliches of band kid dating tropes hysterical! “Peter Parker, I’m really glad you didn’t quit.” Oh my GOD I squealed when I read that. Clarinet players have talented tongues??? I fucking lost it. Total cute feel good story even though I have no idea how band works, it’s still fucking adorable.

Quantum Heartbreak by @farfromhaz

The title is very very accurate. This fic tore my soul to pieces as I read it. Peter realizing he was gone for three years instead of hours, Peter realizing he has a daughter, the reader having to raise her alone for the first few years, wow that HURTED. But!!! The reader telling Peter she’s pregnant and Peter being so excited about raising his second kid. So bittersweet, absolutely amazing.

When Peter’s Not Such a Good Boy by @marvelouspeterparker

Oh my god! I have never wanted to dom someone so much. Like the idea of teasing peter is sending me to an astral plane of existence. There are no words to describe how super hot this is. I read this at least once a week. No fucking joke.

Tom Holland x Reader

We’re Only Kidding Ourselves by @wazzupmrstark

Wow I’ve been reading this series for a LONG time and I’m so in awe of it. It’s so precious, seeing the reader and Tom fall in love. I’m a sucker for enemies to lovers/being forced to work with someone who is a pain in the ass and then finding out they’re secretly a softie. Tom and the reader having those little room service dates? God I lived for it. When they went to the pool at the roof of the hotel oof I lost my MIND. This series is god tier and if you only read one Tom series in your life let it be this one.

Win-Win by @hillsnholland

Making Tom jealous? Oh god I would thrive in that environment. I want that so bad it’s ridiculous. The jealous sex that ensues, hot as fuck! Spanking??? Toms hands were absolutely made for that, there is not enough time to discuss how nice his hands are. Him calling you princess and making you beg for it? Yeah sign me the fuck up! Is there a wait list? I will wait all day.

Instagram Live by @xoluvx

Tom!!!! Is a grandpa when it comes to technology. This is totally something that idiot would do. Harrison and Zendaya being the cheeky little shits that they are! Hysterical. Plus the smut is hot as fuck. Like i don’t care if the whole world can hear me I just want Tom to dick me down

Kiss Currency by @madmadmilk

Wow wow wow. First off, Jacky always writes something so incredibly special, like her ability to write inner monologues/thoughts that feel so real and raw? Amazing. I was on the edge of my seat every second while reading this fic. i see “ah clueless idiots in love” and I’m like my kind of story. “I don’t want to see you kissing other people, Babe” duh!!! Reader!!! Ma’am! He likes you!!! anyways this was really cute story and I loved every single little detail from the themed parties to the awkwardness of trying to get a read of a person before admitting to them how you feel. It’s beautiful.

You Again by @strangertingle

Oof this series has me fucking anxious! Every time I get the notif that it’s updated I’m like “eek!” I love the idea that Tom went to California to see about transferring to be with the reader and then through a series of unfortunate events, that didn’t happen. And now here they are! And the reader is like woah maybe I do love Tom imma tell him then BAM! Just kidding! He’s getting married and his fiancée is a schemer! This was the cutest series ever ahhhh

Weekend Getaway by @naturallytom / @hauntedtom

Oof when Ally asked someone to read it I jumped at the chance because I’ve always loved her work. Anyways I adore spooky stuff. I was so fucking terrified the entire time and I loved the fluff to tension to absolute terror to relief Ally built in this story. Just downright amazing.

Up To Your Mouth by @gyllenwh0re

Wow Alex just knows how to hit every single kink that she could possibly think of in this fic. My jaw was dropped the entire time reading it. Honestly she writes the best most filthy smut on this goddamn website and I always feel so blessed when she posts things because they fuel my wellbeing

Camera Work by @screamsbytom

Shit I’ve never wanted to make a sex tape so bad. Also Tom being a dumbass and uploading it to the cloud where everyone can see it? Peak chaotic dumbass Tom and it’s 100% something he would do. Tom wanting you hear you moan for him and beg him? Yeah sir I will gladly do just that

You Up? By @thirsttrapholland

Christ! Fuckboy!tom gets me every time. When he goes and just helps himself to beer I’m like !!! I wanna suck his dick !!! Idk why but Tom being a little asshole but a total softie at heart is such a turn on. Anyways!!!! Lying about missing him even when you really really did? To protect your feelings? Felt that! Nobody likes getting their feelings hurt!

I Only Feel You by @stuckonspidey

Whew! This fic was absolutely beautifully amazing and devastating. It was so well written, I adore soulmate AUs and this was something else in the best way possible. Like the way the reader was hesitant to join the Holland mob at first, then slowly became okay with it. The push and pull of knowing Tom is her soulmate but being like “I don’t want to put myself in danger” and then deciding she’d ultimately do anything for the person she has grown to love. Wowza! I cant get enough of this fic I try to reread it often.

Goodnight n go by @honeymoonparker

Eek! Looking at the stars with Tom? Biggest goal in life for me tbh. I love the sky and the stars and kissing him underneath the stars? Sign me up for that good shit! Both of them being like aha yeah we’re totally friends aha unless? 👀 too funny I love clueless idiots who have a thing for each other. It’s great. It’s cute, sweet adorable heartwarming I legit read it and go “awwww” every single time.

It’s Official by @dahliaspidey

Fake dating with Tom? Yes! Clueless idiots in love again? Sign me up! When he gave the reader that bouquet of flowers? Yeah gimme that type of love my dude! Him fumbling over telling the reader how beautiful she is? We love slightly anxious Tom that loves someone but can’t put it in words quickly enough.

Polo and Prosecco by @keepingupwiththeparkers

Omg this was fucking great. I too do not understand polo but would freely participate for the booze. “You are not getting come on this dress” I YELLED. Because yeah I feel like that would be a bitch to get out??? Also sitting on Tom’s knee/lap yeah sign me up. Katie always writes Tom as such a passionate lover and I feel it in my very soul.

Lingerie by @mcuspidey

Okay so when is Tom going to buy me expensive lingerie so I can show him??? But seriously lmfao this was so precious and Tom just praising his gal? Yeah sign me UP.

“tattooing all of his favorite curves- that even the lingerie didn’t show off quite as well as his own memory did- with the love that you deserved.” Yeah yeah yeah please I’m here for that I deserve that. Anyways fluffy hot hot stuff

Harrison Osterfield x reader

Side Effect by @darlingosterfield

I generally don’t read fics with Harrison as the main, like ever. But this series has me hooked! Absolutely hooked! The dynamic between the two of them, the way the reader just really wants to do the god damn assignment but Harrison is a little shit! But he’s also lowkey a big softie. Anyways it’s so beautifully written and I can’t wait to read the rest of it

#fic rec #fic rec list #tom holland #peter parker

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taurusjaehyun · 5 years

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change // j.jh

♦️ Pairing: jaehyun x fem reader

♦️ Other Members/ Characters: Yeri from Red Velvet, Haerin (oc), Taeyong [mentioned], Johnny and his wife, Saera (oc) [mentioned]

♦️ Genre: angst, single dad jaehyun, bff au, unrequited love au

♦️ Warnings: grab a tissue ig?? Also, mentions of bisexual Jaehyun

♦️ Word count: 2,601

♦️ Story: You’ve known Jung Jaehyun for all of his life and you did everything together until you were older. After his girlfriend had left him and their new born baby alone in college, it was only natural you’d take the role of his daughter’s mother, like how he said he was the father of your son, Clark, a chow-chow, growing up. You’ve been playing house for years now but he’s starting to change and you don’t know what to feel about it.

Note: I’m uploading everything I’ve written since forever before I write new ones so I can fill up this blog with scenarios. Also, for some reason, I was hooked on writing with babies and children in stories years ago LMAOOOO so yeah, the last scenario I posted was Jaehyun with an unknown daughter lol Anyways, tell me what u think after. I don’t bite and I’d like to be friends!

You should have known when the ‘signs’ started to show almost 3 months ago. He was more distant, less focused when you were having conversations. He became distracted and closed up until it went to him completely not saying things he always used to say. The skin ship was less to none, the banter wasn't there, the affection was declining, and the warmth in his eyes was getting running out. In a blink of an eye, the person you knew for years wasn't there anymore.

He was slowly turning different.

It became worse when he'd often sleep out without telling you and returning home early in the morning for appearances sake for Haerin. If he did stay, he would sleep beside Haerin. Well, before, he would sleep beside Haerin but then he'd start to sleep in the living room, leaving just as soon Haerin left for school. You barely made conversation then. Video calls and phone calls were close to none and texts were scarce.

But to his credit, he was still an amazing father to Haerin. He often took Haerin out, excluding you but it was understandable because you were also very busy because you started to work on personal cases that took more of your time than usual. It was a career step but you made sure to do everything for Jaehyun and Haerin. Upon seeing that Jaehyun was becoming distant, you had worked on becoming closer to him but he seemed to shut you out. You'd cook his favorite food, buy his favorite snacks, play his favorite songs and did whatever you knew would please him, even going as far as letting him 'suck' on your boobs which was his favorite. He used the same joking tone you used on him but he rejected you, laughing.

And the reason was, he finally let you meet her: Yeri.

You first met her when he decided to take you out to a fancy dinner. It hadn’t happened in a long time. Jaehyun had texted you saying that you were going to have dinner somewhere fancy so he asked you to dress up. You were so excited that a permanent smile was etched on your face after he had texted you. Haerin was also happy, knowing that you, her Mom was happy.

You had dropped Haerin off at Johnny and Saera's place for the mean time. You were so happy and excited that your uber driver even told you and complimented you. You had started to chat with the old man until you reached the hotel with Jaehyun at the entrance, waiting for you. Jaehyun gave you a brief and awkward hug but you paid no mind, wanting to make this a good memory. You wanted to say you missed him since it had been a while since you actually had a proper conversation together.

The bliss you felt in his company was quickly replaced with disappointment when she had shown up. Yeri was beautiful. She was definitely one of the most beautiful women he’d let you meet throughout the years (all the girls he dated were gorgeous anyways). She had white, milky, smooth skin, big boobs, a cute smile, twinkling eyes and everything that he described when you had asked his type back in the days. Yeri was literally the woman of his dreams.

But then you also remembered that back then, he had dismissed the thought of dating. Even as far as saying that you would have to stay with them until Haerin was 30. Only then, he would settle down with a woman. It was such a vivid memory embedded in your brain. You comforted yourself by those thoughts, knowing he would keep his word like he always did.

You felt a pang in your chest when Jaehyun had introduced Yeri as his girlfriend. Yeri then introduced herself to you and her first impression was excellent. It was obvious why Jaehyun fell for her, honestly. She was intelligent, born into a rich and prominent family, beautiful and practically perfect in every way. She was classy, her speaking voice was even beautiful, her words were tasteful, her laugh was flowy and melodious, a great contrast to your dog like barking laughter that Jaehyun was probably sick of hearing. Yeri was practically perfect in every way. And looking at the way Jaehyun looked at her, you could clearly see that he adored her because that was how he looked at Haerin.

You admittedly couldn't join in their conversation. Even if you wanted to share your thoughts, it was like whatever you’d say wouldn't matter so you found yourself speaking when you were was being spoken to, which was totally unlike you. But of course, Jaehyun didn’t notice, as he was too deep into Yeri’s gaze.

"You've been friends with Jaehyun for so long! Tell me more about him, please. I'd love to know more about my boyfriend from another person's perspective." Jaehyun looked embarrassed but he let Yeri do whatever to himself.

You had told Yeri everything you thought she wanted to hear, of course but tweaking some things that you knew Jaehyun didn't want to be known, more specifically the negative things. In return, Jaehyun gave you a thankful smile after in which you gratefully accepted.

Dinner was cut short since Yeri was to meet with her parents so she had to be picked up by her chauffer so Jaehyun had no choice but to take you home. You had sensed it so you told him you were doing an errand do you had to go home, but Jaehyun insisted he drives you home since you live in the same house anyways.

"Just drop me off at Johnny and Saera’s." You spoke as you watched the rain drops slide on the car window. It had started raining a little after you left the hotel. It was still early and you were barely half an hour in your dinner when Yeri had to leave. It felt like forever, though.

Yeri had given you her number, insisting that you contact her so you can both hang out soon because according to her, Jaehyun’s friends were her friends too, and especially that you’re Jaehyun’s best friend since forever. Somehow, you were relieved to meet Yeri because the more you wrapped your head around the idea of Jaehyun and Yeri together, the more it made sense. They were perfect for each other.

“Y/n?”

“Huh?” She didn’t realize he had been talking to her the entire time.

“I said, let’s not tell Haerin about me and Yeri yet. I don’t want her to be shocked. But, Yeri already wants to meet Haerin. She loves kids!”

You nodded, glancing at him before looking straight ahead. Wow. She even loves kids. No wonder Jaehyun fell hard. “I’m happy for you, Jae.” You spoke almost too tenderly. It was sincere. You were happy for him because you’ve always thought love was something to be celebrated and Jaehyun looked very much in love with her earlier. You wanted to get mad and express you jealousy but you knew your place. You were just a friend. You meant nothing more than a friend. “She’s an amazing woman. I was kind of intimidated, to be honest. She’s perfect, huh?”

Jaehyun chuckled, “yeah! Honestly, she kind of intimidated me too. I had the biggest crush on her then and I never thought she’d notice me… But now… I can’t believe she’s mine, y/n. It’s like she came from a dream. It’s like… there’s a bright light around her and she always somehow makes everything brighter. She’s like the sun, y/n. I’ve never felt this strongly for anyone before.”

You smiled, touched by his words. You never knew he could get poetic but no matter how beautiful his words were, they felt like big, sharp rocks being thrown at you. You knew you couldn’t fight against Yeri if you tried. “You deserve each other, Jaehyun. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you this happy with anyone. I’m happy she makes you feel that way.” I wish I was her, you thought.

Jaehyun hadn’t talked and opened up to you in so long but honestly, you didn’t wanna hear anything he was saying. His words were too painful. Too raw. And you wanted nothing but to cry and maybe then, if he saw you cry for him, he’d realize you’ve always been the one for him.

By now, you knew every detail of how they met, how he felt and how he stayed over at her place, how they bonded over things they liked in common, how they liked the same food, how great the sex was and what not. He also told you about how Yeri doesn’t know about his bisexuality and Taeyong. Yeri was a bit of a conservative, according to him, and she was apparently raised by a conservative family. For Yeri, he was this perfect straight male. He never smoked around her too.

Halfway to the drive, you had pretended to be asleep but ended up falling asleep for real. When you woke up, you were already at home. You immediately unbuckled your seat belt as soon as the car rolled up by the the gate. You were about to open the door of the car when Jaehyun had stopped you.

“You’re not sleeping over at Yeri’s?” You asked, confused.

“No. I haven’t been home in a while and I missed you. Let’s just get Haerin tomorrow.”

As soon as you got in, Jaehyun headed to your shared bedroom and dropped himself on the bed, sighing contently. The look of bliss on his face made you jealous. You announced you were gonna take a shower and quickly made your way to the bathroom to take a quick cold shower so you could sleep. You were too tired to think and frankly, you just wanted to sleep to avoid the throbbing pain in your chest and avoid anymore conversation.

You reached behind your back to pull down the zipper of your dress but failed so you tried again with your other hand but ended up failing again. You tried and tried but you couldn’t reach it so you had no choice but to ask Jaehyun for help. You walked out the bathroom and padded over to Jaehyun’s side of the bed where he was already settled in, “Jae. Help. Please.” Jaehyun grinned before you spun around quickly facing away from him, trying to regulate your quickening heart beat. Damn him and his smile.

You finally felt your dress being loose and eventually, Jaehyun was trying to pull down your dress, but you weren’t wearing a bra so you pushed it up and ran over to the bathroom, holding the front of the dress to your chest as if he hasn’t seen your boobs before.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before, y/n!” Jaehyun laughed as he walked over to the bathroom, catching you in your bathrobe as you removed your make-up for tonight which you spent hours on, to be honest.

You frowned as you watched his happy expression from the mirror as you scrubbed your face.

Jaehyun also started to wash his face then brush his teeth. You noticed that he had a scar on his cheek so you reached over and ran the pad of your thumb over it. For a moment, it felt like the old times. “Yeri doesn’t like the scruff, so I got cut when I was trying to shave.”

You had always been the one to shave his face because stupidly enough, he always manages to hurt himself like now. You clicked your tongue and grabbed the first aid kit. “Put this on after you wash your face.” You handed him a heart patterned band-aid that Haerin chose (for the design, of course) from the cupboard from under the sink.

Jaehyun smiled, drying his face with a towel as he watched you clean off your make-up with precision, as always. He’d seen this routine for years and he’d suddenly appreciated how you’d always done it regardless if you were too tired, or too drunk, especially back in uni after attending those frat parties his frat threw every weekend. “You know, I’m glad I introduced to Yeri. And I’m even more glad you like her.”

You looked at him as you scrubbed you face with facial foam. His face was filled with warmth and emotion. It was so obvious how he was so happy. It kind of hurt, honestly. You gave him a smile and faced yourself in the mirror, fingers unconsciously scrubbing harder.

“You’ve taken care of Haerin for almost all her life and if there was one person who could say if someone would be good with Haerin in the future, that would be you. I mean, I’m not talking about marriage yet but I want her to be a mother figure for my daughter, too.”

You felt your chest tighten at his words. You’ve always been just his best friend and his daughter’s Aunt. No matter what Haerin called you, you would never be Haerin’s mother. You hissed as you washed the soap off your face, realizing your face had turned red from the hardness of your scrubbing.

“Do you think Haerin would like her?” Jaehyun asks, pure excitement evident in his face and voice.

You chuckled, trying to make it look natural. “I mean, I’m not Haerin so I’m not really sure but she won’t dislike her for sure.” It was true. You didn’t know how Haerin would react but Haerin wasn’t a spiteful child albeit a little shy to strangers but it was no doubt she and Yeri will get close soon. “Wait, I have to poop so can you get out?” You chuckled in which Jaehyun laughed at, teasing you as he came out.

In reality, you sat on the toilet, thinking about how Haerin would react if you’d have to leave when Yeri and Jaehyun become serious. Was it better that you let Haerin and Yeri spend more time together so the parting between you and Haerin would be easy? The thought left a bitter taste in your mouth that it made you feel like you wanted to throw up but even if you wanted to, nothing would come out.

After your shower, you had dressed in an old t-shirt and and shorts, not your usual sleepwear which comprised of Jaehyun’s shirt and boxers. Jaehyun was already on his side of the bed, looking fast asleep. It would be weird to sleep next to him so you decided to sleep in Haerin’s room instead. But before you could pass the bed, Jaehyun was already awake, asking where you were going and why you weren’t in bed with him despite you saying you were sleepy. Of course, you didn’t want to make it awkward so you played it cool and laid on your side of the bed, facing away from Jaehyun.

Feeling drained, you closed her eyes and let yourself be succumbed to sleep. But before you could, Jaehyun had pulled you back in his arms, spooning you, like he always did, and kissed the nape of your neck before burying his face on the curve of your neck. “Thank you for everything, y/n. Thank you for taking care of Haerin all these years. Thank you for being the best friend anyone could ever have.”

Sleep never came after that. It was only when you knew Jaehyun was asleep, was when the tears you didn’t know you were holding, started to fall.

You needed to change, too. it was better this way.

Here’s a drabble for the story featuring Jaehyun and Haerin.

#jaehyun #jung jaehyun #jung yoonoh #nct jaehyun #nct jung jaehyun #jaehyun angst #jaehyun scenarios #singledad!jaehyun #jaehyun fanfic #jaehyun au #jaehyun x reader #nct fic #nct angst #nct fanfics #nct scenarios #nct scenario #taeyong #johnny #yeri

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collegeessayguy · 4 years

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Does writing about yourself feel like pulling teeth? Or maybe writing a personal essay feels like wrestling an angry cat into a tiny Christmas sweater? Or perhaps it just feels like a rainy Saturday on the first free weekend you’ve had in months?

For lots of high school students, writing about yourself feels awkward and forced. How can you share personal things without resorting to cliches or feeling braggy? How do you write an essay describing yourself and your accomplishments without making it sound like a resume?

Well, just like most things, you get better at writing about yourself … by writing about yourself. You practice. That’s it.

Your personal statement is a big part of any college application and writing it shouldn’t be the first time you’ve ever written about yourself, your accomplishments, or the challenges you’ve faced.

To help you hone your writing chops and prepare for your personal essay, here are four of the best ways to learn how to write about yourself.

HOW TO WRITE ABOUT YOURSELF:

Become a better writer by journaling

It’s good to write more, period.

Different types of writing help you know your audience + hone your voice accordingly

Good personal writing is vulnerable

1. BECOME A BETTER WRITER BY JOURNALING

Journaling has been shown to help manage anxiety and reduce stress—both things that are helpful as you navigate this challenging time of standardized testing and college applications. Journaling also helps you hone your writing voice outside of academic expectations or social media’s pressure to be funny or deep.

If writing about your feelings in a notebook every night feels a little too Judy Blume/Dear Diary, there are plenty of other options. You could keep a giant Google Doc filled with bullet points or record voice notes on your phone. You could keep a video journal—you don’t have to show it to anyone or upload it to YouTube! You could write lists on any topic that sparks your interest—fantasy jobs, favorite books, times I thought I’d ruined everything but it turned out fine. If you’re not sure what to journal about, here are a few journaling prompts:

The two moments I’ll never forget in my life are (describe them in great detail, and what makes them so unforgettable)

The words I’d like to live by are…

I couldn’t imagine life without…

When I’m in pain — physical or emotional — the kindest thing I can do for myself is…

Make a list of the people in your life who genuinely support you, and whom you can genuinely trust. (Then make time to hang out with them.)

Regardless of the shape your journal takes, keeping a record of your thoughts helps you track important experiences in your life—something that will come in handy when you’re writing that personal essay.

2. IT’S GOOD TO WRITE. PERIOD.

The more you write the better your writing will be. And any kind of writing counts! Emails, journal entries, long Instagram captions—any writing that helps you tap into your voice and your experiences will prepare you for your college essays. You’ll get in the habit of including details, crafting narrative arcs, and structuring your sentences with care. We all need junky first drafts, and the more you write, the more first drafts you’ll have that can be edited into something great.

3. GOOD PERSONAL WRITING INCLUDES INTERESTING DETAILS.

Good personal writing, whether you’re writing a social media post or scholarship essay, includes interesting details. Specifics add color and context to a story. Telling your reader you were shy, for example, is fine. But opening your essay with this paragraph is more interesting:

The clock was remarkably slow as I sat, legs tightly crossed, squirming at my desk. “Just raise your hand,” my mind pleaded, “ask.” But despite my urgent need to visit the restroom, I remained seated, begging time to move faster. You see, I was that type of kid to eat French Fries dry because I couldn’t confront the McDonalds cashier for some Heinz packets. I was also the type to sit crying in front of school instead of asking the office if it could check on my late ride. Essentially, I chose to struggle through a problem if the solution involved speaking out against it. For the rest of this essay, click here.

Telling your readers that you took a trip to an unfamiliar place is fine. But this paragraph is better:

Day 1: “Labbayka Allāhumma Labbayk. Labbayk Lā Sharīka Laka Labbayk,” we chant, sweat dripping onto the wispy sand in brutal Arabian heat, as millions of us prepare to march from the rocky desert hills of Mount Arafat to the cool, flat valleys of Muzdalifa. As we make our way into the Haram, my heart shakes. Tears rolling down my cheeks, we circumvent the Ka’ba one last time before embarking on Hajj, the compulsory pilgrimage of Islam. It became the spiritual, visceral, and linguistic journey of a lifetime. For the rest of this essay, click here.

4. BE VULNERABLE.

Writing about yourself doesn’t need to reopen emotional wounds. If you’re wondering what to write your personal essay about, the answer isn’t necessarily “That thing I go to therapy for.”

That being said, being vulnerable in your writing is one of the best ways to showcase your accomplishments without being annoying or braggy. Share your own personal before and after—the challenges you overcame in order to accomplish something, the self-doubt you worked through to become good.

When you’re writing about yourself, contextualize it by providing a backstory. How many hours did you practice that trumpet solo before you auditioned? How many times did you run that lab test before you got the results you wanted? How many times did you try out for the varsity soccer team before you made it?

And good personal writing doesn’t always end with a traditional win. Maybe you never made the varsity soccer team, but you learned a lot about yourself when you tried out. Perhaps the results of your lab tests didn’t turn out the way you expected, but you discovered something important in the process. Show us the work that went into the person you are now.

Learning how to write about yourself doesn’t have to feel awkward or uncomfortable. Promise! Use these personal writing tips to practice being reflective before you start your college essays. Practice may not make perfect, but it will definitely make it easier for you to showcase yourself to colleges down the line.

#appblr #studyblr #college essay #high school #Common App #personal statement #College Essay Guy #college admissions #writing #writing tips

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artificialqueens · 5 years

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In Retrograde : Chapter Two (branjie) - ephemerals

Author’s Note: Thank you for all the support on the first chapter!! I’m glad you are enjoying reading because I have enjoyed writing this. You can find me at @missvanjies.

Synopsis: After spending months uninspired, Vanessa, a local reporter, becomes infatuated with writing a story surrounding the downfall of a police officer discharged after killing an innocent man.

When Brooke Lynn returns to her hometown after her life begins to fall apart, she doesn’t expect to find solace in the charismatic brunette who seems just a little too invested in uncovering all the secrets of her past.

In the days that followed the night at the bar, Vanessa’s mind had become plagued with inspiration. She had pitched her idea to Michelle, the editor. A think piece, the details will come later. All she knew was that the star of the show would be Brooke Lynn Hytes and her fall from grace. Surprising, Michelle enjoyed her ambition. Probably excited to read something with some substance. She just needs to see a draft on the table by the end of the week.

However, it becomes clear to Vanessa that she’s overlooked a lot of details and maybe she was a little too ambitious. Her grand plans are thwarted by crippling writers block, and when it hits the night before the deadline, she’s got absolutely nothing on her page. She needs to do some research, and quick. So, Vanessa reverts to the most effective method of gathering research; Facebook stalking.

Brooke Lynn Hytes. Seventy-four mutual friends. Vanessa enlarges her profile picture. She’s smiling, looking down from the camera towards her cocktail. It’s obviously taken by someone else on vacation, probably somewhere Mediterranean. Her blonde hair is back pulled in a tight bun, skin bronzed and absolutely glowing. If Vanessa didn’t know she was doing research on a criminal, she would have assumed this woman was an Instagram influencer or something along those lines.

Vanessa aimlessly clicks through several public photos, all of them seeming meticulously chosen. There was not a single bad photo among the bunch. In every single photo that loaded, Brooke looked the exact same. Tall, blonde surrounded by other beautiful women, handsome men. And that’s when she notices something. Not a single one of these photos were uploaded by Brooke, nor were they uploaded recently. Vanessa keeps scrolling through the pictures, all dated two, three years in the past.

And there’s this man. He’s in almost every single photo. Just slightly taller than her, dark hair, designer suits. Gorgeous and absolutely terrifying. Intrigued, Vanessa opens his tag. Luke Connelly. Luckily for her, his profile was completely public. Investment banker. Toronto. Got engaged to Brooke Lynn Hytes in August, 2015. Broke up with Brooke Lynn Hytes March, 2018. Well, this is just an assumption. There’s a surplus of brand new photos featuring a much younger, much smaller blonde girl. Her names Ariel and she’s a makeup artist. Vanessa also assumes Luke has known her longer than March.

After spending the better part of an hour scouring through the network of profiles, Vanessa concludes that she isn’t going to reach the deadline. That’s always when she decides that maybe she needs a drink.

…

Brooke’s been bored shitless for days. She’s really trying to stick to the promise she made with Nina. To behave herself, stay out of trouble. It’s been easier that she thought to do so. In the week she had been home, she had left the house only once and the entire time strangers gawked at her like they had seen a ghost. She spent her hours dwindling down her parents collection of mature wines and watching whatever Netflix recommended to her. It was just enough to distract her from thinking about her life, but not enough to entertain her.

As the supplies began to run dry, Brooke had begun to look for some new ways to keep her occupied without leaving the house. Late one afternoon, she found herself curiously rummaging through her father’s collection of vinyl records. Most of them she remembered fondly, her father playing them softly through the house whenever he was home. Brooke chose one at random, examining the cover for a moment before turning to the track list. Born In The USA. Gently, she removes the cover and places it on the turntable. As the needle hits the vinyl, the first notes of a familiar song begin playing.

Brooke takes a seat on her father’s armchair, resting her chin in her hand. This was the album she used to dance around the house to as a kid with her dad. He’d swing her around in circles until her mother would stop them in frustration. Her father was the first one to suggest that Brooke should take dance lessons, and with extreme perseverance, her mother finally agreed. Sometimes, Brooke wished that she followed that path instead. There was always this voice in her head that told her to be realistic, get a real job, get married, have a normal life. It was so much easier to surrender. So she moved to Toronto, trained with the police and got engaged to the first man who showed interest in her. And now this fantasy world she had built for herself was crumbling.

That was the worst part of it all. This wasn’t even what Brooke wanted. All of this was a masquerade. Brooke had lured all these people into this lie. That’s what she felt the most guilty about. Nina, Luke, her parents. People who are going to be hurt in the fallout. Tears begin welling up in her eyes. Her chest is heavy and it isn’t long before Brooke is choking back sobs. She falls back into the armchair, weeping to the soft hum of her father’s music.

…

Brooke awakens, weary-eyed and hazy, instantly drawn to the sounds of movement in the room. She rubs the sleep from her eyes, slowly opening them towards her father tidying up in the corner of the room. The album had come to a halt, needle caught spinning in the deadwax.

“Springsteen huh?” He holds up the cover to Brooke, grinning. Brooke sits herself up, limbs still tired.

“I just picked whatever.”

“You know,” her father slides the album between hundreds of others on the shelf, “We used to dance to this when you were little. Your mother hated it.”

“Yeah,” Brooke’s reply is soft, “I remember.”

Outside, the world has become dark. The sun had set and the stars were high above. Her father goes back to what he was previously doing, solemn with nostalgia. Of all the people she has hurt over the years, her father had taken it the hardest. In his eyes, Brooke would always be his little girl. And yet he knows everything Brooke has done.

“Your mother-,” there’s a beat, he turns towards his daughter, “and I, we think it’s best if you see someone again. I know you won’t like the idea-“

“I’m fine, Dad,” she hoists herself up, begins to walk towards him, “I don’t need a stranger to pry inside my mind.”

There was always this uncertainty around how Brooke would react. Every since she was young, Brooke had always lashed out in unexpected ways. It was her way of controlling things, taking everything out on herself. Entirely impossible to predict. By now, her father knew to approach things with caution or else prepare for the worst. If Brooke was heading on the path of self-destruction, nothing could stop her.

“Brooke,” he rests the palms of his hands on her shoulders, “You keep drinking the day away. I hear you awake at all hours of the night. I don’t think you have eaten a single meal since you’ve been home. What if you relapse? What if it’s worse? We’re just worried.”

“I’m not going to waste my time pouring my heart out to someone, just to tell me how much of a bad person I am. I already know that I’m a terrible person.”

“Just,” he presses a kiss on her forehead in between his words, “Think about it for me. Promise me?”

“Okay, I will.”

Looming over her, Brooke has all these promises she’s destined to break. Going to therapy, bringing her problems to light, sounded like the worst scenario. For now, Brooke carries this weight with her. There’s a million things demanding her attention that she will continue to keep repressed for as long as she possibly can. She needs something to stop the noise, even if it’s just for a minute. She just needs something.

…

When Brooke first enters the doors of the bar, it was as if she never left. In the two years since she had been home, the place had not changed in the slightest way. The jukebox booms over all the other noise in the room. Eerily empty, the sparse customers all focused on the hockey game playing silently on the TV. Brooke saunters up to the bar, leaning over towards the bartender.

“A whiskey on the rocks please,” She asks politely, the bartender raising his eyebrow at the request. Brooke slides the money towards him.

“That’s not the kind of drink a pretty girl like you should be orderin’,” An older man calls from across the bar. The gathering of people around him snicker at the comment. Brooke rolls her eyes and knocks back her drink in a single gulp. She doesn’t flinch as it burns her throat.

“I’ll take another one please,” She smirks, the men on the other side of the room stop instantly. She could out-drink each and every one of them. Brooke perches herself on a stool, downing her second drink at a much slower pace. That’s something she didn’t miss about being single, the attention she would receive from men. Having a ring on her finger was enough protection. Men respected other men. They respected the concept of her husband more than they cared about the woman before her. Now she was exposed and vulnerable. A pretty unclaimed woman. The thought of it all made Brooke feel ill.

Hey, little girl, is your daddy home?  Did he go away and leave you all alone?  I got a bad desire.

Oh, oh, oh  I’m on fire.

The melody of a familiar song begins playing in the background among the blur of chatter and clamouring of glass. Brooke empties her glass and orders a replacement. She looks back behind her briefly, caught off guard by a piercing glare in her direction. A woman sitting alone in a booth with caramel hair and dark eyes. Hauntingly beautiful. The eye contact causes Brooke to recoil, turning her head back to face the bar immediately. Brooke’s almost certain she’s still staring, burning her way through her skull. A part of her wants to turn back, take a good once over of this woman.

Tell me now, baby, is he good to you?  And can he do to you the things that I do?  Oh no, I can take you higher.

Oh, oh, oh  I’m on fire.

A cacophony of drunken men erupt in song. It’s rowdy and loud, arms being thrown around shoulders in camaraderie. An average night in a small town bar. It distracts Brooke for long enough to forget about the mysterious woman behind her. Enamoured by the chaos. They sing and slosh their drinks around, whiskey and rum flooding the floor.

Sometimes it’s like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and dull , And cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my skull . At night, I wake up with the sheets soakin’ wet , And a freight train runnin’ through the middle of my head.

Tapping her foot against the stool, Brooke can’t help to hum along. She envisions her father joyfully spinning her around their living room, lifting her up high towards the ceiling. They slide around on the floorboards in their socks, jump around on the sofa while her mother is away. Her eyes are closed but Brooke is beaming, immersed in the song.

 Only you can cool my desire.

Oh, oh, oh  I’m on fire.

And as the song draws to a close, Brooke is brought slowly back to reality. She’s alone and slightly tipsy in public. The outro rings through her ears. The spontaneous karaoke is replaced by conversation. The room is back how it once was. Brooke curiously glances behind her.

The booth was completely empty. The woman was no longer there.

…

After a while, she slips out the front for a cigarette. The night air caresses her exposed skin. She’s dressed quite casually, ripped jeans and a baggy shirt that slouched down her shoulder. Brooke didn’t have the commitment to dress like she used to. It cost money and her precious time to look that way. She covers her cigarette to light it, inhaling sharply, exhaling the smoke into the night.

It was a bad habit, but not her worst by any means. While the thought didn’t necessarily thrill her parents or Nina, they gathered it was much better she smoked then binged on drugs or hurt herself again. Brooke liked the routine of it all. It was a meditative experience, taking time out of her day just for herself. Nina had argued that it was making time to slowly kill yourself, but the argument was lost on Brooke. She was always going to do what she wanted, regardless of what anyone had to say. On a good day, they were enough to keep her calm. On a bad day, well, they just came in handy.

Today, Brooke wasn’t entirely sure where she was at. The hours passed painfully slow. Maybe it was just the alcohol clouding her brain, but everything had felt almost like a dream. Dampening her brain with masses of alcohol had just saturated that feeling. Brooke couldn’t stop thinking about that woman. She was utterly surreal. It could have all been part of her imagination, a hallucination. But the fierce stare had penetrated straight into Brooke’s soul. The interaction had been so abrupt, had it been literally anyone else, it would have already slipped her mind.

But it lingers, and it burns.

If Brooke was smart, she would go home and sleep it off. Wake up in the morning, perhaps a little hungover, but at least with a clear mind. Her mind is foggy, just enough for her to keep pushing. She takes the final drags of her cigarette, stubbs the remainder into the wall and she steps towards the building’s door. Except as the door swings open, Brooke’s stopped in the tracks by a sudden force. She loses her balance temporarily as the other person curses in a raspy voice.

“Hey! Watch where you’re goin’.”

“I’m so sor-“ Brooke starts, as she looks up. Caramel hair. Dark eyes. Oh fuck.

Startled, both women step back. The other woman’s mouth agape, eyes wide. Deer in the headlights. Once she regains composure, Brooke restarts her apology.

“I’m so sorry, I should watch where I’m going.”

“Uh,” the woman stammers, “Don’t worry about it. I was just leavin’.”

Hurried, she pushes past her trying to escape. Brooke reaches out, in a rare moment of intoxicated bravery, and grabs her wrist gently. Her fingertips ignite at the feathery touch.

“Wait!” Brooke’s words come out shaky in confusion, hoping, praying that somehow she can get this woman to stay. Brooke was definitely intrigued, “Let me buy you a drink to apologise.”

“I-“ The woman pulls away, stuttering through her words, “I have to go.”

Swiftly, the woman disappears into the night. Left silent and astounded, Brooke is still. Illuminated in the neon light, wind hissing in her ear.

Brooke is on fire.

#rpdr fanfiction #branjie #angst #lesbian au #slow burn #in retrograde #ephemerals #submission #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo

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raccoon-james · 5 years

Text

Midnight guest

Pairing: Billy Bennet x Reader

Words: 2522

Universe: Deadly Class syfy

Requested: Yes

Summary: The reader has an unexpected guest in the middle of the night.

Warnings: kinda bad writing I guess?

A/N: As you can see, I’ve finally uploaded my work! It’s my first published fic, but I thought it’s good enough to show it to you guys. English is not my native language so I’m sorry for every grammar/language/spelling mistake I had made while writing it. Also, it’d be nice to receive some feedback, some pieces of advice – please leave a comment or sth. It’s very helpful and motivates me to write more.

●○۞○●

Nights at King's Dominion contrasted with the school in the daylight. Relative calm seemed to return to school halls every time when sun comes down. No noises, no running or fighting - no whatever-made-pupils’-daily-rutine. With sun held up, high at the sky, the school was bustling with life, but with the moment of sun disappearing time seemed to slow down immediately.

Sitting in the room with the door closed, you could easily feel cut off from that little world you have lived for some time. It wasn't hard to feel lonely sometimes. All you had to do then was talk to your roommate, or sneak out to meet friends living in another room. If you wanted peace and silence it was enough to not speak to anyone, play music and take care of whatever had to be done - like homework or makeup.

You liked nights here. Somehow you managed to get a small single room, which was a godsent for you, someone who enjoys being on their own, and the lack of unexpected guests was a guarantee of a successful night. It gave you a feeling of control. You could choose when you wanted company or not; if you wanted some time by yourself, you just stayed in your bedroom. That kind of control was enough to make up for many things, that the legacy status had taken from you. People think if you have a high position in the walk of life then it's easier to live. Bullshit. Why is no one speaking about the expectations everyone suddenly has for you? That you have to be the best, never miss a bit in a fight, never hesitate to pull the trigger, to know all poisons at the back of your hand. And what if you simply cannot live up to the expectations? That's when the lynch starts. "She? I can't believe..." "You're so not what I expected" "The shame of our family"... People pick you clean, then go to work on the bones.

It was couple minutes before midnight and the only audible sounds were your breath, pen writing something down on a sheet of paper and the turning of pages of numerous books surrounding you. Tirelessly you've been repeating materials for the “fundamentals of psychopathy” class. It was interesting, specific but exceptionally enjoyable.

The conception of motive that you had focused on this night was far more addictive than you could imagine. For you it was like digging in someone else's brain. Coming to the conclusions about the killer’s personality based on his actions - adding the way of killing, some repeated patterns and you can compile information about their past, present...the top of the top in this field can speculate - based on tiny details found at the crime scene – about the traumas and habits of the criminal.

The cracking of the door interrupted your flow. While studying in a school for assassins, unannounced visits after midnight don't bode well. In any moment then you could find yourself stabbed or with broken arm, your position meant nothing. Everyone could become a target, from children of the heads of state, through mafia bosses, to the average street rats.

With daggers, the fight technique you have been training for several years, you almost never part with, always keeping them within reach. That was the main reason why you grabbed the weapon so quickly.

Ready to defend yourself, you turned towards the door, no longer sitting but standing. Feet shoulder-width apart, knees slightly bent, ready to fend off the attacker.

"Y/N, put the dagger down" said Billy closing the door, in the tone of someone who's welcomed by people ready to slit his throat at least three times every day.

"Uh, I don’t know, I like it... Brings out the color of my eyes, dontcha think?" you said relaxing a bit. You fliped the dagger that made a full rotation in the air and than came back to your hand, that fist on the handle again. Pretty easy trick but always impressing Billy - until one day you'd be very unlucky and loose a hand while catching the blade.

"So, what's the matter?" you asked putting down the dagger. You tossed it on opened notebook on your desk. It was obvious that the studying session is over for you, at least for that night.

"You better tell me, huh?" said the teenager seemingly upset, pointing out to a half-packed suitcase on the floor. Shit... You promised yourself to tell him about you leaving right before They come to take you, which would be about 7 am, definitely not midnight! For all intents and purposes you didn't even know who or where was supposed to take you by tomorrow morning. All you knew was that your parents admittedly, may have overplayed your hand a little. You were a kid after all, a student who'd rather stay up late studying killers’ minds than actually becoming one. Still, have you ever had any other options but learning how to live under direct orders of your family?

"I'm leaving...for some time" you mumbled averting your eyes.

"And what? You...you didn't want me to know? Just leave?" he started, and by that moment you realized what was going to happen. It was going to be a bloody long lecture about your incompetence as a very best friend, as a main theme.

You haven't completely got used to the relation between you and green-haired Billy Bennett. Since your connections with other people were built on viable alliances, and because your loyalty twords them was like loyalty of an average whore from the brothel, you haven’t had many friends. All that had to happen was an extremely unlucky incident, a broken nose and slippery wooden stairs, for you to make some changes in your social life. That was how you met Billy.

"Could you once in your life shut the hell up, maybe?" you stopped his speech before he got a chance to get started with it, slowly looking up at him. He shut his lips and tilted his head a little, raising his eyebrows, noticably surprised with your reaction. You sigh heavily, running your fingers through your hair, wondering what you actually wanted to say when you stopped him. Or was that only self-defense because you didn't want to hear him whine about how bad you really are.

"Y/N..."

"No" you cut him off again. Tiredness that studying drew away, now started to slowly overtake you. "I seriously wanted to tell you but..."

"But when I couldn't do shit about it, right?" he snarled looking little piqued.

"It's not always about you" you hummed staring at your white socks "I don't even know what they want me to do. I received a letter saying I have to pack up and be ready to go at 7 am in the morning. Nothing more. No greetings, how are you or a fuckin hello. It doesn't matter if I told you about this crappy trip today or tomorrow morning, you can't do shit about it. I can't disobey direct orders" you managed to keep your tone serious. You glanced at the rat, still standing near the door. It could be harder for him without you at hand but come on! He could handle it before, so why the hell would anything change now?

Before you had the chance to think about anything else, Billy was standing next to you, embracing you all of the sudden. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you close, gently rubbing your arm. Despite the heaviness in your stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of your body pressed against his. You sunk into the warmth of his side, appreciative of the simple gesture. His touch made the room warmer somehow, your future within its walls seeming a little less bleak. Still, you were confused after that sudden display of benevolence coming from Billy. Your body was tense, ready to attack. It took you a moment to edge off but when you did it, you returned the hug.

You liked Billy. He was like cat. Not a fluffy kitty, pretty as a picture but homeless, a bit scraggly and scrawny with unbelievably stunning eyes. These cats you want to take with you even if they aren't drawn to you. And honestly you'd never thought, till this moment, that leaving the cat would be so damn hard. Stupid Billy... Why on earth did he hug you? It was clear now why you had avoided profuse goodbyes all your life. It was so much easier to leave not realizing what's left behind you, because without "goodbye" it feels like you'd never really left. You spared yourself the heartbreaking pain and feeling of loneliness, that goes hand in hand with every long-term goodbye.

"Do you have any plans for tonight?" you mumbled into Billy's t-shirt, hoping your voice wouldn't crack and reveal how devastated you started to feel with every passing second. You used to keep a stiff upper lip, but now it's harder, apparently.

He stepped back at the length of an extended arm and grinned as only he could, which warmed your heart.

"Sleep? I guess..." he answered slightly shrugging his shoulders.

You smirked wrinkling the bridge of your nose, waited for a moment just squinting at him and than turned on your heel so you can walk over to a nightstand and reach the alarm clock.

"I'm not sayin' now, right? But what else would I do at this hour, haha..." Billy muttered while staring at you, tracking all your movements when you were setting an alarm for 6;30 am. You mumbled something like "mhm" putting the device where it was before.

Bennett once again was like a torrent, an unbelievable flow of words which wasn't exactly what you needed right now. Soon it would be half past one, your mind has told you that six hours of sleep is definitely not enough for you to be full of energy by tomorrow morning. Billy was concerned with your actions but didn't ask any questions, hoping you'd tell him what was on your mind. What the hell were you trying to do? Well, you wanted to turn off the only light in the room which was the lamp on your desk buried in books and notes. And when you did it, complete darkness surrounded both of you.

Billy was ready to ask question about what the fuck you were doing. He raised his arm, opened his mouth but that instant you grabbed his raised wrist

"Come" you whispered, dragging him to bed.

"Wha...No! Y/N what the fuck?" he squealed, acting like he didn't want to go with you, yet somehow his body didn't fight back and let you sit him on the bed, so his behavior didn't match the words he was saying at all.

"God...I don't want to bang you man!" you rolled your eyes lying down on the mattress "I had already packed my emotional support teddy bear. How do you think I'm gonna fall asleep now, hm?" you were kinda joking, but kinda not - it was true you had packed your stuffed animals but it didn't really have any influence on your ability to sleep well. You just wanted Billy around, even though you haven't thought about it earlier. The boy widened his eyes on you or at least the darker spot on the bed that should be you. Pretty hard to see anything without any source of light.

"You're still sleeping with a teddy bear? What are you? Twelve?" he laughed. Not exactly laughed, more like attempt to laugh. He was cut off with a cold blade of the dagger near his throat, the best way to silence him in your opinion.

"Say a single word about it and you're gonna end up stuffed just like that teddy bear" you hissed not anymore laying on the bed

"Jesus, how many of them do you have here?" whined Bennett moving away the blade. You couldn't help admiring his ability to stay so chilled and cool with your threats. It was really impressive. Something (the dagger) landed on the floor as evidenced by the hollow metallic sound going with the sound of a laying back body.

"But waking up so early...I don't know..." boy was still whining around while taking his shoes off.

"I'll do my best to not wake you" you said calmly waiting for him to lay near you. To be honest you had never ever slept with him. Sure you had laid down together, sometimes even he managed to take a quick nap but you never lowered your guard.

Billy tried to lie down comfortably but it was hard since it was single bed, not exactly what two people need to sleep together. Your back was slightly touching the wall against the bed, sticking to the boys body, hoping it would compensate for the lack of the bedsheets. You were actually lying on one but it was pretty warm already so it wasn't necessary. With your arms around his neck and a leg over his belly you breathed softly into his hair. You know you should have found it adorable but after all you liked your space. Still you couldn't resist it since you haven't got any idea when you would meet him again. You weren't really much of a hugger when it comes to people, but liked teddy bears as a kid and it you stuck with till now.

Time was passing and the feeling of tiredness disappeared, leaving you on standby mode exactly the same that you were on while being on a lookout. Just like someone if was about to burst into your room now and attack both of you. You haven't locked the door, it was haunting you now but you didn't want to move, scared it would wake Billy up. He was probably asleep by then. You could tell by the regular deep breaths and silence.

With your right hand, you reached for the boys head. For a couple of minutes, you were playing with his short green hair tangling them between your fingers until you would get tired again. That relaxing activity, it made it inevitable for unpleasant thoughts to come across your mind no matter if you were or were not prepared for them. Obviously, you weren't.

Was it possible for you to come back to school in one piece? Who would protect Billy from getting in trouble during your absence? Would you have a telephone wherever you were going, to call Billy here every evening or at least once a week?

It was mind-blowing for you since you have never, ever had problems like that! But also you never had a friend like Billy to make your life more complicated than it already is. Master Lin was right when he said that when you have someone who you would die for, sooner or later things were going to get messed up...

The red numbers on the screen of the clock showed five minutes after one a.m. when you finally dozed off.

#deadly class #deadly class syfy #billy #billy bennett #bennett #billy x reader #billy bennett x reader #billy x y/n #billy bennett x y/n #fanfic #fic #fanfiction

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myassbrokethefall · 6 years

Text

All right, I just watched This for the third time, and the first time where I could really pause and rewind and have my attention undivided, since the first time through my brain was just a mess of AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH THIS IS SO GOOD THIS IS SO GOOD and the second time it was so I could follow along with Gillian’s tweets. (I may have learned what a taint was that day, but I did not get much detailed information about the plot.) (Just kidding, I already knew what a taint was, unlike Gillian Anderson who is clearly still enjoying the novelty of having recently found out about it.)

Here are my unedited (except for typos/some cleanup for clarity purposes) thoughts as I watched it, under a cut because anytime anyone says “lol here are my UNEDITED THOUGHTS” it should be under a cut, I feel like. Enjoy! Or don’t.

Phone: MULDER! MULDER! MULDER! MULDER! MULDER! MULDER!

Mulder: *sleeps*

Scully (very quietly): Mulder

Mulder: WHAT I'M UP I'M UP

I hope those assassins had to get out of the car and manually heave the gate out of the way like Scully did in IWTB.

Why is there an antler on the floor? Do Mulder and Scully just have...a single antler

"Accuse your enemies of that which you are guilty"?? I didn't even see that because apparently I didn’t look up either time while the themesong was playing. Also, in the grand tradition of "that with which he can't live without," this is grammatically incoherent. Good proofreading everyone

I look forward to someone less lazy than me examining every single frame of film in which the Unremarkable House appears and itemizing all of Mulder and Scully's possessions. I MAY have the same toaster oven as them?

Scully's badge number is XF072161?? What happened to JTTsomething? @startwreck did you know about this

227700 Wallis Road, Farrs Corner, VA. A real town. Google Map it, click Satellite, zoom out and note with pleasure (if you’re me) how in the exact bullseye middle of a bunch of empty green they are, far from civilization. That’s how I like my Unremarkable House.

Simultaneous thoughts I had as the second wave of bad guys was attacking: How on earth did somebody get upstairs that fast? Did they parachute in? / Look at that beautiful porchlight

Crucial Plot Points That I Missed Entirely While In Raptures Over The Mulder And Scully Goodness Of This Episode, Part 1: Barbara Hershey’s character sent this Russian goon squad. Ah.

russian guy: (mockingly) “I want to believe”?

mulder: it’s not enough this dude is about to kill me, he has to make fun of my nerd poster? insult to injury

skinner: ugh just surrender to them! it's fine

m&s: they tried to assassinate us two times

skinner: ohhhh lol sorry i didn't know they were going to do that MY bad

This order of presidents/32 32nd 34 35...stuff feels so unpolished and ad-libbed even though it's obviously plot-crucial (so I assume scripted), but it's like, they're just kinda bouncing around NEAR the lines, and I love it. And I love when Scully holds out her hand for him to supply the answer of which president FDR is and he has no idea so she supplies “32nd” and he's like “32 yeah I was totally about to say that yup” and then he forgets the number 33 exists, thus missing the clue. You're a mess, Mulder. Thank goodness for your smart wife.

Also it makes me wonder if "now you're just showing off, really" was an ad-lib of David’s because it feels like he interrupts her line; she has just said "FDR" and he says that and then she continues on with the FDR part again. scripted or duchovny? LEAVE MY JOKES IN GLEN

Them just figuring out this cemetery clue like Encyclopedia Brown GIVES ME LIFE

Skinner gave them a Leatherman? Handy/I’m surprised they didn’t trade it for more muffins

“it links to a video of the pet or person” lol

THIS SHOW IS LITERALLY SO DARK I HONESTLY CANNOT SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING; it went to commercial on a lingering shot of something and I don’t know what it was

So we kinda already knew this, but the "I'm gonna open an x-file on this bran muffin" line comes BEFORE the "I opened an x-file on this building in the '90s" line, leading me to believe that the bran muffin x-file line is also an ad-lib (in addition to Gillian’s “alien butt” line directly after, which she confirmed it was) because "opening an x-file” was on David's mind from doing the scene over and over. Scully's "An x-file?" line delivered like that's a new idea doesn't really mesh with her just having heard that term 20 seconds ago in re: bran muffins. DETECTIVE WORK

(also to be clear I’M FINE WITH THAT, leave in all their ad libs, they’re canon now, canon canon canon canon)

scully: walter we need your HELP

skinner: kids, i literally already gave you all the money I have, jesus I am just trying to go to work, can you please handle your shit

scully: we used UP all that money on MUFFINS, and we ATE THEM ALL ok those muffins were GREAT but we are HUNGRY AGAIN we need your HELP GODDAMNIT even though we don’t TRUST YOU, why are you such a JERK, can’t you just go to the ATM? UNTRUSTWORTHY

"if you want to see the x-files you don't have to go to the office" me: I do spend quite a bit of time at the office seeing the x-files though (or at least various secondary references thereto)

Mulder, after two seconds of searching in the proprietary search bar: fuck this it doesn’t work I'll just google it #relatable

Crucial Plot Points That I Missed Entirely While In Raptures Over The Mulder And Scully Goodness Of This Episode, Part 2: that the spank bank thing was a deliberate secret message leading to the Langly's girlfriend lady. (also that they kept that from Skinner)

I also missed all this Sims talk with Langly’s girlfriend, on how they would know it was a simulation. "you wouldn't be able to click on the neighbor's house" "there would be a loading screen every time you went on vacation" "if you had the pets pack installed the same dog would come every day and dig a hole in your yard" "buy mode would be disabled if there was a burglar" "you would only be able to make macaroni and cheese until you had more cooking points" "if story progression was turned on sometimes you'd go to your neighbor's house and there would just be a random baby on the floor" "blurry boxes would appear on you every time you went to the bathroom" i got a million of ’em

Lollllllll at Mulder's awkward cough after “maybe he saw Mulder in his dreams” / “Who hasn't” / Scully’s look

What’s with all the fly imagery? Two acts have opened with closeup shots of insects.

This skanky bar scene...every moment of it is a cinematic masterpiece that I will treasure forever

Scully's hilarious face in reaction to the beer is another thing I didn't notice. like, this is what you ordered for me while I was asleep? gross dude

also I love her smile as she closes her eyes again like, mulder's yappin, all's right with the world, goodnight

Langly simulation: Are you...Fox...Mulder? Something about that name...is familiar to me...as if from another life...I feel compelled to contact you though I don't know why or what it means

Mulder: Yes, it's me, and Scully

Langly simulation: DANA SCULLY?! Omg how are you girl I miss you so much! omg I'm gonna cry I’m so glad to see you how the hell are you

We're digital slaves...they force us to make grilled cheese sandwiches over and over again and every time we try to play videogames they make us study the mechanical skill instead...sometimes they put us in a pool and take the ladder away just for their sick amusement...that's not even getting into the torment that comes from the move_objects on cheat...sure we may have rosebud!;!;!;!; levels of money and I may be the mayor but aging is turned off and I've already bought the fanciest TV and the most comfy bed and I've done all the tomb quests in World Adventures and I don't know what else there is here for me...plus the game lags every time I try to go on the subway...it's hell, Mulder, hell (sorry, done with the Sims jokes now)

Scully, they don't serve mimosas on the bus; believe me, I would know.

Do Gillian's kids get freaked out hearing her speak in an American accent? No more freaked out than seeing her in a red wig i guess

JACOB JARVITS FEDERAL BUILDING #neverforget

What is with the "looking moodily out at the New York skyline at night while sipping a martini in an ’80s movie" soundtrack in this "get us in the tunnel" scene

Mulder's eyebrow raise after "married to the Bureau" *drapes it all over my body*

the clearest and largest STAIRS sign in all of history; sure half the episode is so dark you can't make out what's happening but god forbid we not know that the door Mulder's gesturing to is the S T A I R S

literally why IS mulder yelling out numbers on the stairs at the top of his lungs? he's not even counting the floors, there are 29 floors and he's like 32 34 36 38...he's counting by twos...is he counting the stairs? Why? scripted or duchovny? "glen please leave in my inane stair counting, it's funny!" "david by gum you guys are magic. magic! ok ok, no problem buddy, just keep it flowing"

mulder and scully get in like 12 physical fights in this episode. AMAZING

Ok, now here’s where I really have to pay attention because i legit did not listen to a GODDAMN WORD of this Barbara Hershey scene the other two times.

Why are there SO MANY lamps in here and how is it still so dark

"You're still refusing to answer the question of your father" am I supposed to remember what that is? Show, you greatly overestimate me

Hold on, did Scully jump some guy with a flashlight and beat the shit out of him during this voiceover and I didn't even realize it? GO SCULLY (closed captioning: “blows landing, groaning”)

Crucial Plot Points That I Missed Entirely While In Raptures Over The Mulder And Scully Goodness Of This Episode, Part 3: the entire earth is about to burn down, whoops, did NOT catch that.

"my company advised killing you" okaayyyy

Did barbara hershey ask muldo to kill csm last episode and he said he wouldn't? why the hell not? do it dude do it

"we can upload a mind through any smartphone" sure until Apple releases a new OS and then it starts lagging

“We can take a piece of your mind anytime you make a call” oh good they’ll get like 3 pieces of my mind a year then. It would be much more efficient to take a piece of my mind every time I open Hay Day

Mulder has been handcuffed or fake-handcuffed A LOT this episode. He's going to need to process this through roleplay once he and Scully get home

Is Scully using the Leatherman as a physical key to switch off a top-secret high-security NSA federal computer system in lieu of the actual, presumably very specialized, key manufactured for that purpose? It really can do anything.

I can’t tell what we’re supposed to be seeing in this conference room to indicate that it was abandoned. Barbara Hershey is gone but was there other stuff in there? Like a sign that said “THE CONSPIRACY” or something? The LAMPS are still there, I guess they didn’t have time to pack those up

There's an orange on the floor in the UH. This is a step up, nutrition-wise, from the time Mulder had potato chips on the coffee table in IWTB.

There is a basketball hoop DIRECTLY over a lamp. Really, Mulder?

Scully literally drops off to sleep in 3 seconds. all things continuity. 👏

So, destroy the backup? Does that mean there's a backup to the simulation and they’re just going to restore from it and nothing they did accomplished anything? Except for being the most delightful and satisfying episode of TXF ever filmed? Also what does the curly-haired guy being in there mean? I mean obviously he was uploaded after he died but is he in there like, tormenting Langly now? In the backup? How many backups are there? Can a Leatherman be used to defeat all of them?

I don’t care; Mulder and Scully are asleep on the couch and everything is perfect.

#this #scripted or duchovny?#so much duchovny #this is so long i'm sorry #mine

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doomedandstoned · 7 years

Photo

The Strange, Fantastic World Of Devil's Witches

~Interview by Mari Knox~

We will shock our readers when they read that behind the name Devil's Witches there is just one guy. So James, introduce us to your project, tell us who are you and where your music come from.

Thank you for having me. I'm not really big on talking about myself, not because I want to create some false of sense of mystique but because I want to create a very specific experience. When someone like Hendrix says, "Are you experienced?" he's talking about seeing things with an open mind. He talks about transcending the ego and getting lost in your trip, whatever form that may take. I feel like by focusing on the artist, you can destroy the immersion of the art, unless, of course, they become the art themselves, like David Bowie did during his Ziggy era. So my reluctance to talk about myself is more about this world I've created through the story of the album and the points in time I've referenced. I feel I'll get in the way of the immersion I want to create in the listener. I'd rather just slip into the background and let the music speak.

youtube

Your debut, 'Velvet Magic' (2017), is a concept album and your songs seem to find inspiration in the works of Jess Franco, Jean Rollin, and Russ Meyer, not to mention gorgeous and charming actresses like Tura Satana and Soledad Miranda. What more can you share about the fascinating story you're telling here?

The story of the album centres on a mysterious female who is fully in touch with her feminine magic. If anyone has read ‘The Satanic Witch’ by Anton LaVey, they will know what I'm talking about. I don't regard myself as a Satanist, but this aspect of the left hand path is of great interest, as is Crowley. This godlike female is affronted by the horrors of humanity, specifically the tragedy of Vietnam. Her goal is to use her magic to quite literally save the earth through sex. Sex, to me, represents life, not perversion or shame. She finds this male soldier who was part of some of the worst atrocities in Nam, including the My Lai massacre, and decides to redeem him to save everyone. The album follows his story as he comes back to the US and right up until the two of them connect in astral coitus. It's really quite a beautiful statement when you drop all baggage connected to attitudes towards sex. I enjoy playing with juxtaposition and you will find it all over the album and visuals. Polarity is a very powerful thing.

I am a very visual person. The music that resonates with me the most are ones that create pictures in my head or have videos or art that inspire me. I've lost count of the times the visual side of certain music has compromised my enjoyment of the songs. It works the other way too. I've had songs that may have been seen as mediocre, not necessarily bad, but I respond to them because of the pictures they create in my head. Obviously, the music is the main priority, but I see the visuals as quite high, maybe even bordering on equal. Interestingly, movie director Jess Franco, who is a big influence, was mostly concerned with pictures. He didn't even write full scripts sometimes and just shot with his instinct having other people overdub later on. Often times, he had no involvement in that process, as he was off capturing new images.

"Psyche, Fuzz, Doom, and 1960s Worship" -- these are the keywords you use to describe Devil's Witches. What are your biggest musical influences?

Hendrix is everything. He's the only musician I've ever heard who can hit a wrong note and it's still the greatest note you've ever heard. Second to that is Frank Zappa. His early output with the Mothers Of Invention in the '60s is my favourite. Zappa could take pop sounds and turn them into prog rock. He was a musical genius in the truest sense. Other influences are The Doors, Jefferson Aeroplane, and Grateful Dead. The heavy side of my music is inspired by Black Sabbath and Electric Wizard. What resonates with me most about heaviness is the physicality of actually feeling the music through the speakers, even at low volumes. The heaviest song on the album is none of the singles, and it's very dark.

It not easy to create such an impressive and variegated wall of sound like this all by yourself. Sometimes it feels like there are four people playing together. How do you fashion this sound? And, since this is a solo project, how did you record all of the parts?

Russ Meyer was one of the greatest auteurs the movie business every saw. He financed, scripted, shot, directed, and edited most of his pictures. Looking up to someone like that is very motivating when faced with great ideas and a lack of resources. This kind of inspiration is what helped me -- having great role models with cast iron work ethics. I recorded the album just like most bands would, but obviously I had to do certain tracks at a time. The key is to always try to stay in the place where music feels magical and not to get bogged down by the mechanics of it.

youtube

At the moment, I know that 'Velvet Magic' will have a tape release via the Chilean label Golden Dawn Recordings. How did you get in contact with them? Would you like to release the album in other formats, as well?

They actually contacted me, in all honesty. Due to my love of the cinematic, I had previously played with the idea of having my name before ‘Devil’s Witches’ like old movie posters for example ‘Russ Meyer’s 'Supervixens.’ I decided against this for the reasons expressed earlier, but I forgot I'd uploaded some art with my name on it in this fashion. It became easy for anyone who enjoyed the output to find me. So Golden Dawn contacted me and expressed interest in releasing the album on cassette and that was even before they heard all the songs. Vincente Zamorano of Golden Dawn is a great guy who has believed in this music from the moment he heard it. I just recently sent him the whole album and he was very happy with it. Regarding other formats, I've also signed with another label who wants to put the album on vinyl. This label is enjoying the album greatly, as well, which is very promising. Stay tuned for the reveal of that. I'd love CD, but no one has contacted me. Maybe that format is dead. Also, it will be available digitally.

You really care for the band's graphics, from the art posted on social media to the music videos. Do you personally take care of that aspect or is someone else helping you with this?

Everything is done by me apart, from the logo. That was designed and drawn by a very talented Spanish artist by the name of Raúl Fuentes. He draws exclusively in black and white and has the most macabre underground style. His usual output is death and thrash logos and zine covers, but I asked him to capture the '60s in his style. The logo is very typical of the era, even labels like RidingEasy records have adopted this look and it was this familiarity I wanted Raúl to bring into the design. Combining that element with his underground horror qualities, Raúl takes the logo from '60s pop culture symbol into a darker place. This comparing of worlds is central to what Devil's Witches is about. Check Raúl out at Mörtuus Art .

The overabundance of female in the imagery obviously ties directly in with the music exploring feminine magic. I grew up exclusively around woman. My grandmother practically raised me and the only kids in my area to play with were girls. Even now, I live with five women, although two of them are cats. My admiration and respect for every facet of femininity is the cornerstone of Devil's Witches. I have deep religious feelings towards the divinity of the feminine, but maybe those conversations are for future articles.

youtube

Trevor William Church, the frontman of Beastmaker, supported you a lot during the creation of 'Velvet Magic.' How was this collaboration born?

Just like everyone else, Beastmaker caught me by surprise. I saw them at a Blood Ceremony show and was sucked into their Mario Bava soaked world. Trevor seemed like the kind of guy I could get along with, but I'm a shy person so I never worked up the courage to chat with him. When I got home, I added him on Facebook and just through commenting on each other posts, we become familiar enough to regard each other as sort of long distance friends. When he heard "Voodoo Woman," he messaged and complimented me on the song, the riffs, melodies, but he said the mix was not where it needed to be. He gave me invaluable pointers and has been my go to guy these past months while for navigating the album mix and certain other music business details.

Any chance that we will get to see your project on stage or is this something you're not interested in making happen, at the moment?

I have thought a lot about what a Devil's Witches show would look like and it's not exactly a record label or promoter's dream. It doesn't involve a band simply playing the songs to tour an album. It would be a kind of performance art. It wouldn't even be like theatrical rock. Going back to my cinematic influences, you might begin to imagine what I'm getting at. I wouldn't even necessarily be present on the stage. The problem is that it needs to be very specific. One wrong move and it's a bit of a laughing stock. So I'm not sure you're going to see it touring the world anytime soon.

It's quite clear that you prefer bands from the '60s and '70s, so if you were to suggest a recently released album or a contemporary band, which one would you choose?

There's definitely one artist I would love to praise right here, but I’m going to keep that one for me. Let me just say she has managed to create her own universe in her music through imagery and performance. Her own life has become a work of art, too, and she's a million miles away from fuzzy doom. But those images I talked about earlier are very strong here and inspire me in very tangible ways. Maybe one day we'll get to collaborate.

Before we say goodbye to the Doomed & Stoned readers, I've got on last question to ask. What should we expect from you in the future?

I have already begun writing album two and the story follows directly on from Velvet Magic. I'm just as excited creating this as the first, so it may not be too long, but the future right now for everybody is Velvet Magic. Thank you for offering me a platform to connect with listeners and bring this experience to a wider audience.

Follow The Band.

Get The Music.

#D&S Interviews #Devil's Witches #Doom #Metal #Occult #Rock #Music Video #Doomed & Stoned

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theonyxpath · 4 years

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First, it’s They Came From Beyond the Grave! and the Kickstarter that would not die. Or died and came back, if that’s more appropriate to the genre.

We’ve a little more than two weeks to go and it is shambling along having passed another Stretch Goal last week! You can gather more details in the Kickstarter section below!

Then there’s They Came from Beneath the Sea! whose PDF and PoD versions go on sale this Wednesday on DTRPG. Now this isn’t the traditionally printed version that was the main reward for its Kickstarter – that’s getting shipped over to the KS fulfillment gang at Studio2.

We need the other parts of that KS, like the Screen, to get there before Studio2 can start fulfilling the KS, but everything is being worked on at this point, so not too long now!

Finally, just wanted to throw out a little thought exercise to everyone. We’ve chatted in panels and such online about what could be next for They Came From…!, and I think we even have a thread about that topic on our Onyx Path forums, with such titles as They Came from Boot Hill! or They Came From Over Yonder! (Western genre), They Came From Under the Bed! (kid’s scary shows), and They Came From Past the Moon! (spaceship sci-fi).

But what would you be interested in? They Came From Monster Island!, maybe? Give us your thoughts in the comments section below!

From The Monday Meeting-

We reviewed our panel at Gen Con Online today in the Monday Meeting, and here are some interesting thoughts about that and more from Eddy Webb:

Our attendance at the What’s Up panel definitely seemed better than usual for Gen Con, but (understandably) lower than when we did it at Onyx Path Con a couple months back. The chat seemed well behaved, too. I think it’s worth doing again.

Related, one of the panels I did was in Second Life on Saturday. I admit I was skeptical, but the people running it were some old friends of mine, so I gave it a try, and honestly it really scratched an itch that Twitch streams don’t. They built out a large chunk of the Indianapolis convention center, down to the Grand Ballroom and the food trucks, as well as more fantastical settings like a fantasy forest and a post-apocalypse landscape. Many of the people I talked to were very new to tabletop RPGs and just excited to hear about things like Pugmire. And, to be honest, not having a camera on my face all the time made me feel a lot more comfortable, and the chats I was having before and after the event felt more like coming and going to an in-person panel. Yes, it also suffered from some disjointed messaging and the like, but we had a talk about dealing with things like the learning curve, and they have some good ideas for other conventions going forward. The group is called VRazethebar, and it’s something I’m definitely keeping an eye on.

Which is actually pretty cool. A VR space to gather in rather than the stacked head-shots sounds really interesting and immersive. The future of LARPing?

The Dog Days of Summer Sale on our Deluxe X20 books and Screens and even dice is going gangbusters over at IPR. I’m told we are completely out of the very last Werewolf: The Apocalypse 20th Anniversary Editions!

We added Changeling: The Dreaming 20th to the sale as well, so that includes the Deluxe book, the Screen, and C20 Dice!

Finally, we realized today that a bunch of us were going to be out all next week, and rather than having folks hang around as a skeleton crew, I just declared next week as a holiday for the whole company!

Frankly, we are beat every way somebody could be. Mentally, psychologically, physically, psychically, emotionally, creatively: BEAT. Our crew needs and deserves a break!

So, no MMN Blog next week, although we’ll probably put up a KS reminder or something like that late Monday.

No Onyx Pathcast next week, although I understand that this Friday the Trio will suggest their favorite ones to listen to while they’re gone.

We will have a project for sale that Weds, the 12th, as we can set that up ahead of time. More details below, but I’m thrilled to say it’s Mysteries of the World: The Scion Companion. I know a lot of folks have been waiting for more official Scion material – so here it is!

After a break to recharge, we’re hoping to come bouncing back all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (and fanged and caped) and get right back into taking you to our:

Many Worlds, One Path!

Blurbs!

Kickstarter!

The They Came From Beyond the Grave! Kickstarter continues to claw its way free, and in the process it reveals treasures hidden in the grave dirt: the Screen and the first section of Monsters from the Crypt: a book containing More Monsters, and also an exclusive KS t-shirt coupon! Next up in Stretch Goals are even More Monsters and electronic Wallpaper!

Thanks to all of you who have pledged to enable this fantastic project and its Stretch Goals!

Here’s a specially-made special trailer by the brilliant Larry Blamire:

And keep your eyes open for:

Onyx Path Media!

This week: They Came From Beyond the Grave! actual play!

As always, this Friday’s Onyx Pathcast will be on Podbean or your favorite podcast venue! https://onyxpathcast.podbean.com/

First, let’s start with some amazing news: our amazing creators, players, and audiences worked together last week to produce some fantastic content for our Twitch channel, and not only that, they raise a grand total of $2,734.69 for charity! This is a wonderful accomplishment, and our hats go off to Travis Legge and the rest of the team who contributed to the running of this campaign.

If you missed the special streams we ran, do not despair: they are still available over on twitch.tv/theonyxpath. Give us a follow, and you can find a huge number of videos of all kinds of games, PLUS, our What’s Up with Onyx Path? livestream conducted for Gen Con weekend! This week on Twitch, expect to see these games and streams running:

Scarred Lands

Mage 20: Technocracy Reloaded

Scion – Behind the Screen

They Came from Beyond the Grave!

Mage: The Awakening – Occultists Anonymous

Scarred Lands – Purge of the Serpentholds

Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition

Even more Technocracy Reloaded!

Get watching for some fantastic insight into how to run these wonderful games and subscribe to us on Twitch, over at twitch.tv/theonyxpath

Over on YouTube, our friends at Red Moon Roleplaying have concluded their They Came from Beyond the Grave! story, with their usual excellent editing, quality, and in this case, a lovely cast of players led by Director, Matthew Dawkins! Come join in and listen to the Cult of Abaddon at play: https://youtu.be/RDYzNbk7VkQ

Come take a look at our YouTube channel, youtube.com/user/theonyxpath, where you can find a whole load of videos of actual plays, dissections of our games, and more, including:

Storytellers with Coffee – The Games of Onyx Path – https://youtu.be/QxRRq-WQytg

Changeling: The Lost – Littlebrook Reunion Episode 24 – https://youtu.be/huEkMrUcR2Q

Blood City: Chicago by Night Episode 22 – https://youtu.be/eYkgKmDY9-o

(Matthew’s favourite) Scarred Lands – Purge of the Serpentholds Episode 9 – https://youtu.be/3_mdkDrSezY

Deviant: The Renegades – A Cautionary Tale – Episode One – https://youtu.be/b394NFi0gnU

Realms of Pugmire: Paws & Claws – S2E9 – https://youtu.be/UAGU27vkJ54

Subscribe to our channel and click the bell icon if you want to be notified whenever new news videos and uploads come online!

Systematic Understanding of Everything is a new Exalted Explainer Podcast by Exalted Dev Monica Speca and Exalted Writer Chazz Kellner that is breaking down Creation in 45 minute chunks in preparation for Exalted Essence.

Their most recent episode in on Creation and its history – https://anchor.fm/exaltcast/episodes…reation-eg2g9d

Get past episodes at http://www.exaltcast.com/

The Story Told Podcast have just started a new chapter in their Fall of Jiara Exalted chronicle, and we’d love it if you gave them some support. Here’s episode one!

https://thestorytold.libsyn.com/fall-of-jiara-act-1-summary-recounting-of-the-past

And here’s their character introductions:

https://thestorytold.libsyn.com/fall-of-jiara-character-intros

Please check these out and let us know if you find or produce any actual plays of our games! We’d love to feature you!

Electronic Gaming!

As we find ways to enable our community to more easily play our games, the Onyx Dice Rolling App is live! Our dev team has been doing updates since we launched based on the excellent use-case comments by our community, and this thing is awesome! (Seriously, you need to roll 100 dice for Exalted? This app has you covered.)

We’re told that the App Dev is currently creating an updated version for the latest devices, so keep an eye open for those!

Virtual TableTop!

Introducing a Virtual Tabletop encounter pack for the Trinity Continuum Core: Hunt for the Red Widow on DTRPG!

Hunt for the Red Widow is a short encounter designed starting Talents in the Trinity Continuum Core setting. When a renowned but mysterious thief known as The Red Widow steals an ancient artifact from the Æon Society’s vaults, it is up to the party to track her down and recover the device. She is heading to an old ruin said to unlock the artifact’s true power. Can the heroes reach her in time?

Inside you’ll find:

A short encounter for use with the Trinity Continuum Corebook

Two new antagonists: The Red Widow, and her minions, known simply as “Ghosts.” Virtual tabletop tokens are included to represent the antagonists

Two maps, ready to be uploaded into your virtual tabletop platform of choice

New Anomaly Powers.

On Amazon and Barnes & Noble!

You can now read our fiction from the comfort and convenience of your Kindle (from Amazon) and Nook (from Barnes & Noble).

If you enjoy these or any other of our books, please help us by writing reviews on the site of the sales venue from which you bought it. Reviews really, really help us get folks interested in our amazing fiction!

Our selection includes these latest fiction books:

Our Sales Partners!

We’re working with Studio2 to get Pugmire and Monarchies of Mau out into stores, as well as to individuals through their online store. You can pick up the traditionally printed main book, the screen, and the official Pugmire dice through our friends there! https://studio2publishing.com/search?q=pugmire

We’ve added Prince’s Gambit to our Studio2 catalog: https://studio2publishing.com/products/prince-s-gambit-card-game

Now, we’ve added Changeling: The Lost Second Edition products to Studio2‘s store! See them here: https://studio2publishing.com/collections/all-products/changeling-the-lost

Scion 2e books and other products are available now at Studio2: https://studio2publishing.com/blogs/new-releases/scion-second-edition-book-one-origin-now-available-at-your-local-retailer-or-online

Looking for our Deluxe or Prestige Edition books? Try this link! http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Onyx-Path-Publishing/

And you can order Pugmire, Monarchies of Mau, Cavaliers of Mars, and Changeling: The Lost 2e at the same link! And now Scion Origin and Scion Hero and Trinity Continuum Core and Trinity Continuum: Aeon are available to order

It’s the return of the DOG DAYS OF SUMMER SALE!

As always, you can find Onyx Path’s titles at DriveThruRPG.com!

On Sale This Week!

This Wednesday, the PDF and PoD versions of They Came From Beneath the Sea! arise from the depths and go on sale on DTRPG!

They Came from Beneath the Sea! is a dramatic and farcical tabletop roleplaying game encompassing the wonder, horror, thrills, and humor of 1950s and 1960s science fiction. This game allows you to play with all the great content from the B-movies of decades ago, and promises a dynamic, fun time for all involved!

In They Came from Beneath the Sea! you play humans in a world under attack. The attackers? Aliens from beneath the sea (obviously). Adventures range from the one-shot defense of a small coastal town, to the lengthier liberation of a cruise ship infested with gill-folk, all the way to the story in which characters seize an alien submarine and ride it all the way down to the sea bed to take the fight to the invaders. In this game, your protagonists are strong-jawed war veterans, cunning and resourceful explorers, utterly insane scientists, and blue-collar heroes, just looking to defend their patches of land.

They Came from Beneath the Sea! contains a mix of serious threat and unbridled farce. While the book plays it straight with no winking at the camera, your game will include ludicrous statements and events taken with all the gravitas of your boat being set on fire. While this game provides rules for funny quips and amusing cinematics for incorporation in a scenario, we leave it to the players and Director to discover the correct level of humor for your game.

They Came from Beneath the Sea! uses the Storypath System, provided in full in the pages of this book!

They Came from Beneath the Sea! includes:

• Five playable Archetypes — the Everyman, the G-Man, the Mouth, the Scientist, and the Survivor!

• Rules for character creation and play, using the Storypath System fully detailed in this book!

• Cinematic powers such as the ability to insert deleted scenes in your game, cut to black when everything is looking a bit too grim, and redirect shots to kill the extras!

• Quips to throw in at appropriate (and sometimes inappropriate) moments, giving your characters the chance at an award-winning scene!

• The history and setting of the 1950s world presented in this book!

• Scores of aliens promising the fall of the human race, presenting a broad array of dangers and objectives for repeat play!

• Two ready-to-play scenarios, straight out of the book!

And on Wednesday the 12th, we are delving into the Mysteries of the World: The Scion Companion, in PDF and PoD versions on DTRPG!

Though knowledge, wisdom, and the ability to see the unseen are many Scions’ birthrights, the World holds infinite secrets. Gaze deep into Tezcatlipoca’s mirror or the eyes of an avian bringer of omens, and no matter how sagacious you imagine yourself to be, you’ll learn something new — or something older than time.

Scion: Mysteries of the World presents optional rules and new pantheons, expands upon setting elements and systems, and gives Storyguides and players both a leg up in not only understanding Scion’s particular brand of the Storypath system, but fine-tuning it to meet their table’s needs. You don’t need this book to play a game of Scion, but if you want to explore the World and its many mysteries in more depth, it’s got you covered.

This book includes:

A system and advice for dialing elements of the game setting up and down to uniquely suit your game;

An expansion of cults, crafting, and relics;

Three new pantheons — the Loa of Haiti, the Nemetondevos of Gaul, and the Yazata of Persia — as well as the optional Atlantean pantheon, as an example that comes with advice and rules for how to create your own custom Purviews and pantheons;

A guide for converting Scion First Edition characters and stories to Second Edition.

Conventions!

Though dates for physical conventions are subject to change due to the current COVID-19 outbreak, here’s what’s left of our current list of upcoming conventions (and really, we’re just waiting for this last one to be cancelled even though it’s Nov/Dec). Instead, keep an eye out here for more virtual conventions we’re going to be involved with:

PAX Unplugged: https://unplugged.paxsite.com/

And now, the new project status updates!

Development Status from Eddy Webb! (Projects in bold have changed status since last week.):

First Draft (The first phase of a project that is about the work being done by writers, not dev prep.)

Exalted Essay Collection (Exalted)

The Devoted Companion (Deviant: The Renegades)

M20 Technocracy Operative’s Dossier (Mage: The Ascension 20th Anniversary)

Prometheus Unbound (was Psi Orders) (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

No Gods, No Masters (Scion 2nd Edition)

Redlines

Dragon-Blooded Novella #2 (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Wild Hunt (Scion 2nd Edition)

CtL 2e Novella Collection: Hollow Courts (Changeling: The Lost 2e)

Adversaries of the Righteous (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Squeaks In The Deep (Realms of Pugmire)

Trinity Continuum: Anima

Second Draft

Many-Faced Strangers – Lunars Companion (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Contagion Chronicle Ready-Made Characters (Chronicles of Darkness)

Dead Man’s Rust (Scarred Lands)

The Clades Companion (Deviant: The Renegades)

M20 Rich Bastard’s Guide To Magick (Mage: The Ascension 20th Anniversary)

Dystopia Rising: Evolution Fiction Anthology (Dystopia Rising: Evolution)

Hundred Devil’s Night Parade (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Novas Worldwide (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Exalted Essence Edition (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Saints and Monsters (Scion 2nd Edition)

Development

TC: Aberrant Reference Screen (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Across the Eight Directions (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Contagion Chronicle: Global Outbreaks (Chronicles of Darkness)

Exigents (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Assassins (Trinity Continuum Core)

Kith and Kin (Changeling: The Lost 2e)

V5 Forbidden Religions (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

V5 Children of the Blood (was The Faithful Undead) (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Trinity Continuum: Adventure! core (Trinity Continuum: Adventure!)

Manuscript Approval

Crucible of Legends (Exalted 3rd Edition)

M20 Victorian Mage (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

V5 Trails of Ash and Bone (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Mission Statements (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Post-Approval Development

Editing

Lunars Novella (Rosenberg) (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition core rulebook (Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition)

Player’s Guide to the Contagion Chronicle (Chronicles of Darkness)

Contagion Chronicle Jumpstart (Chronicles of Darkness)

TC: Aberrant Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

LARP Rules (Scion 2nd Edition)

Heirs to the Shogunate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

The Book of Lasting Death (Mummy: The Curse 2e)

Scion: Dragon (Scion 2nd Edition)

Scion: Demigod (Scion 2nd Edition)

Dearly Bleak – Novella (Deviant: The Renegades)

N!ternational Wrestling Entertainment (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Under Alien Skies (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Post-Editing Development

City of the Towered Tombs (Cavaliers of Mars)

W20 Shattered Dreams Gift Cards (Werewolf: The Apocalypse 20th)

Cults of the Blood Gods (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Hunter: The Vigil 2e core (Hunter: The Vigil 2nd Edition)

Trinity Continuum: Aberrant core (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Deviant: The Renegades (Deviant: The Renegades)

Monsters of the Deep (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

Legendlore core book (Legendlore)

Pirates of Pugmire KS-Added Adventure (Realms of Pugmire)

Tales of Aquatic Terror (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

Terra Firma (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

One Foot in the Grave Jumpstart (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2e)

Masks of the Mythos (Scion 2nd Edition)

Trinity Continuum Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum)

They Came From Beyond the Grave! (They Came From!)

Indexing

Lunars: Fangs At The Gate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Art Direction from Mike Chaney!

In Art Direction

Tales of Aquatic Terror

WoD Ghost Hunters (KS)

Aberrant

Hunter: The Vigil 2e

Mummy 2

Deviant – Sam doing fulls for this next. Contracting out all the rest.

Legendlore

Technocracy Reloaded

Cults of the Blood God – Rolling along.

Scion: Dragon (KS) – Splats contracted.

Masks of the Mythos (KS) – KS art contracted, a couple of finals already in.

Scion: Demigod (KS) – Fulls are almost done… other stuff progressing.

They Came From Beyond the Grave! (KS) – KS running.

TC: Adventure! (KS) – Cover is in.

Geist: One Foot In the Grave

In Layout

Yugman’s Guide to Ghelspad

Vigil Watch

V5 Let the Streets Run Red – Almost wrapped up, still working on Loresheets.

Pugmire Adventure

Scion Titanomachy

Trinity Core Jumpstart

Proofing

Trinity Aeon Jumpstart – PoD files updated.

Lunars: Fangs at the Gate – Indexing.

Cavaliers of Mars: City of the Towered Tombs

Magic Item Decks (Scarred Lands)

Yugman’s Guide Support Decks (Scarred Lands)

TC Aeon Terra Firma

At Press

TCFBTS Heroic Land Dwellers – PoD proof on the way.

TCFBTS Screen and Booklet – Files at press.

They Came from Beneath the Sea! – Shipping from printer to KS fulfiller, PDF and PoD versions on sale this Weds.

Pirates of Pugmire – Shipping from printer to KS fulfiller.

Pirates of Pugmire Screen – Files at press.

Dark Eras 2 – Files printing.

Dark Eras 2 Screen and booklet – Files at press.

Changeling: The Lost 2nd Edition Dark Eras Compilation – PoD proof on the way.

Contagion Chronicle – Press prep.

Contagion Chronicle Screen and Booklet – Files at press.

Lunars Wall Scroll Map – Files at press.

Lunars Screen and Booklet – Files at press.

Scarred Lands Creature Collection – Printing.

Scion Companion – One PoD proof in, other expected this week. PDF and PoD versions on sales next Weds, not this Weds!

Today’s Reason to Celebrate!

One happy and one sad today. Today is the 49th birthday of our Kickstarter Concierge James Bell! James has been a ray of blinding golden light or a veritable Grond of Kickstarter-running for us and we’re sure glad to have him! Have a great day, eh!

Mike Chaney let us know today of the passing of his mother last night. None of us ever met her, but she managed to raise one of the nicest people, and talented art direction and layout maestro, that Mike is, so we feel like we have in a way. Thank you so much for that, ma’am. RIP.

#Onyx Path Publishing

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32flavasshoetique · 4 years

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he nation of Honduras has a tremendously controversial reputation

TOn one part, it holds a proud and name that is exotic of Republic”. In the other – it offers the 4th crime index that is highest in the entire world. Nonetheless, this county has one primary benefit which overshadows all its negative features: Honduran women can be simply gorgeous. Any guy will be significantly more than happy to fulfill a woman from Honduras and marry her. Do you want to understand the factors why Honduras ladies are probably the most desired brides regardless of their beginning? Continue reading to master all of the truth.

Why Honduran Ladies Are so Popular?

You can find a many reasons why you should name the Honduran girls the best wives and moms on the planet. Let’s check only a lot of them.

They feature stunning beauty

Then your imagination would probably invent a Honduran girl if you are told to imagine a beautiful curvy lady. Hardly any other ethnicity all around the globe can boast of these seductive human anatomy forms as Honduran females. Their striking beauty that will be a crazy combination of intense eyes, silky locks, soft epidermis, and a charming figure will certainly drive you crazy.

They place household first

It could be a family group of her very own, your common one or simply just yours – for Honduran girl household ties are associated with importance that is greatest. From her childhood that is early girls are taught become perfect housewives, so they really aren’t scared of time and effort. Make sure that Honduran females understand how to create your house cozy and hot.

They respect household functions

Honduran women would fight for a never host to breadwinner when you look at the family members. They have been happy to do their utmost to help make their husbands whom “are searching mammoths” happy and happy. But, Honduran woman is definately not being an undesirable small lamb deprived for the directly to show her viewpoint. She participates in a decision-making procedure together along with her spouse.

They truly are advanced

Regardless of the known undeniable fact that Honduran females put a family group along with their priorities in life, they love to learn one thing new and develop. For smart Honduras women, intellect means a whole lot, so that they would often be in a position to make a discussion or inform some stories that are interesting. You may never get tired of Honduran woman, as she’s going to wow you along with her erudition and strong inspiration to self-improvement.

They choose to donate to the family members spending plan

Honduran ladies don’t choose to live as if their only vocation in life is become spouses and moms. Often, these are generally completely educated and also have sufficient certification to obtain well-paid prestigious jobs. This type of lifestyle makes Honduran girl independent and strong, which means you should be proud to introduce your lady that is self-made both your moms and dads and buddies.

They love their husbands

Then you can be sure these are not just plain words if Honduran girl tells you she is in love with you. Honduran bride will set up with all your aggravating practices and just simply take you the method you might be. She doesn’t involve some pipeline longs for a married relationship it is likely to work tirelessly on your own relations to help make your loved ones pleased.

They treat their males like kings

Appropriate once you meet one or more regarding the girls from Honduras, you certainly will feel an irresistible aspire to become better on her behalf, to be always a hero, Superman, Hercules… Honduran women have that unique capability to get up some inner abilities and unearth concealed talents in guys. If a person time you discover yourself a millionaire, relaxing in your yacht that is exquisite with Honduran woman close to you, be certain, it is entirely her credit.

If after learning all of these reasons your aspire to find a match among Honduran women is actually a great deal larger, let’s dive much much deeper to the occurrence of Honduran girl and check always even more features her great personality owns.

What exactly are Honduran Brides Like

She’s going to become your biggest support

Regardless of your financial predicament, social status, and general public connections, Honduran woman will likely be constantly working for you. Being a rule, ladies of Honduras choose severe and lasting relations above most of the other people. Therefore, in all life storms if she chose you, be sure her position would be unswerving, and she will stay with you.

She will treat your family relations and buddies with enormous respect

Dating a Honduran girl means having a passionate and caring buddy. She’s going to charm everyone you keep in touch with togetthe woman with her charisma and light that is inner. She’ll take advantage stunning Christmas time cards to deliver to all or any your pals, assist your mom to organize supper and start to become the most useful nanny ever to your small nephews. Which is maybe maybe perhaps not because she really wants to marry you a great deal but due to pure love, Honduran women express by doing this.

She’s going to end up being the many caring mom you have actually ever seen

Honduras females know just how to raise kids, providing all of their want to them, yet not rewarding their whims. Honduran mom will show her kid most of the beauty associated with global world, make interesting activities and be close friends without any exaggeration.

She will appreciate your masculinity

Most likely, every guy will be thrilled to feel just like a powerful warrior, liked and admired by everybody. Honduras ladies have perfect power to show their respect into the males. https://www.mail-order-bride.net/french-brides/ You may also have time for the interests that are personal such as for instance soccer with friends on Saturdays or fishing on Sundays. Honduran woman will usually treat you prefer an individual that is separate your fantasies, desires and individual space become accepted and respected. And certainly will demand the exact same away from you.

Where you could fulfill Honduran Brides?

Just if you’re not just a desperate tourist longing to locate your soulmate within the really heart of Tegucigalpa, getting through the dangerous gang road wars, it is far better to get among those Honduran ladies who are perhaps not against to meet up with their future husbands online.

When it comes to many component, Honduras singles love to communicate on dating internet sites. Often, these are typically initiative and imaginative. Be equipped for long conversations, spiced up with flirtation. In conjunction with the appealing look of Honduran girl, internet dating can turn into a undoubtedly outstanding option to a real one.

The sole problem which has to be resolved is really a search of the legit Honduras dating website. Nevertheless, with your recommendations, it could appear instead a child’s play. View and learn.

What are A honduran dating that is reliable web site?

Below, you will find must-have features any website that is decent have. Therefore, before you make enrollment or at membership payment that is least, make sure that the plumped for site has them all.

Pages of users should always be confirmed

The insurance policy of legit internet sites should indicate the axioms of verified pages. It indicates that girls ought to be interviewed before their picture and private information are uploaded into the on line service that is dating. It helps the husbands that are potential to waste their time for scam records.

Genuine pictures

Expertly made pictures are often more appealing, however they additionally could be retouched a whole lot. Or perhaps the pages could be fake. Ensure that the Honduran woman you are likely to comminicate on the web is just a genuine individual and makes use of her real picture. Reputable websites constantly make sure these records.

Interpretation services

You will find lot of Honduran women for wedding whom talk English on dating web sites. Nonetheless, in the event you require interpretation, an established internet site should guarantee it 100% free. It’s a customer’s convenience which will be placed in the beginning. Just in case it isn’t typical for you yourself to are the person that is third your interaction, look for a female that has at least fundamental English skills.

Transparent prices policy

A website that is trustful Honduras mail purchase brides might have a unique part while using the important details about price, terms, and conditions of the solutions. The most popular websites don’t charge anything for registration, just for extra communication tools, the males may use as a rule. Discover most of the details beforehand not to ever go into a trap.

Customer support

Good websites that are dating offer correspondent customer care solutions. As being a rule, this sort of support is 24/7 and totally free. Customer care ought to be available via a few networks such as for instance phone, reside talk, and e-mail.

Now, whenever you understand everything about online dating sites and are also prepared to satisfy lots of breathtaking Honduran ladies, let’s read about the rules that are dating be in your feet.

Honduran Advice On Dating a Honduran Woman

Tune in to her

To become a listener that is good more crucial rather than communicate a lot. Show your chosen one you are searching for her, her family members, buddies, goals, and desires, as well as your efforts will absolutely be rewarded.

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biofunmy · 5 years

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YouTube’s Newest Far-Right, Foul-Mouthed, Red-Pilling Star Is A 14-Year-Old Girl

What does a 14-year-old girl dressed in a chador have to say on YouTube to amass more than 800,000 followers?

How about this: “I’ve become a devout follower of the Prophet Muhammad. Suffice to say, I’ve been having a fuck ton of fun. Of course, I get raped by my 40-year-old husband every so often and I have to worship a black cube to indirectly please an ancient Canaanite god — but at least I get to go to San Fran and stone the shit out of some gays, and the cops can’t do anything about it because California is a crypto-caliphate.”

Or how about, simply, “Kill yourself, faggot.”

Yes, if you want a vision of the future YouTube is midwifing, imagine a cherubic white girl mocking Islamic dress while lecturing her hundreds of thousands of followers about Muslim “rape gangs,” social justice “homos,” and the evils wrought by George Soros — under the thin guise of edgy internet comedy, forever.

Actually, don’t imagine it. Watch it. It’s already here.

The video is called “Be Not Afraid,” and it may be the clearest manifestation yet of the culture the executives of Alphabet’s video monster are delivering to millions of kids around the world, now via children incubated in that selfsame culture. To understand just how bad things have gotten on the platform, you need to see it for yourself.

Users — and more importantly to YouTube, advertisers — have over the past year started to hold the platform accountable for enabling the exploitation of children and exposing them to disturbing content. But this video reveals an entirely different way the platform is harming kids: by letting them express extreme views in front of the entire world. This is what indoctrination looks like when it’s reflected back by the indoctrinated.

A 20-minute, unbroken, and hyperarticulate tirade ostensibly about ignoring criticism online, “Be Not Afraid” stars a high school freshman from the Bay Area who goes by the name Soph on YouTube. (She edits as well as scores the videos, which she says are comedic.) Through videos like these, she’s become a rising star — with more than 800,000 followers — in the universe of conspiracy theorists, racists, and demagogues that owes its big bang to YouTube.

The video platform for years has incentivized such content through algorithms favoring sensational videos, and, as recent reporting has revealed, has deliberately ignored toxic content as a growth strategy.

Soph’s scripts, which she says she writes with a collaborator, are familiar: a mix of hatred toward Muslims, anti-black racism, Byzantine fearmongering about pedophilia, tissue-thin incel evolutionary psychology, and reflexive misanthropy that could have been copied and pasted from a thousand different 4chan posts. Of course, it’s all presented in the terminally ironic style popularized by boundary-pushing comedy groups like the influential Million Dollar Extreme and adopted of late by white supremacist mass shooters in Christchurch and San Diego.

(Soph is even more explicitly hateful on Discord, the gaming chat app, where she recently admitted to writing under the username “lutenant faggot” that she hoped for “A Hitler for Muslims” to “gas them all.”)

By now, we’re used to this stuff coming from grown men — some of whom have even used the platform as a launching pad for political aspirations. But Soph is a child. Despite the vitriol of her words and her confidence in delivering them, she’s still just a 14-year-old kid. And hearing this language lisped through braces, with the odd word mispronounced as if read but never before said, is clarifying.

Think of Jonathan Krohn, the conservative child prodigy who addressed the Conservative Political Action Conference in 2009, at age 13. Today he’s a freelance journalist who writes about extremism for liberal magazines, and has disowned his past views. Or think of Lynx and Lamb Gaede, who became media sensations as 11-year-old white nationalist twin pop singers in the mid-aughts. Today they’ve renounced racism and taken up marijuana legalization activism. Part of being a young person, maybe especially for a rhetorically gifted one, is testing out ideas and identities — even ones we later find anathema. That’s not to excuse anything Soph says; but it is to say children often don’t understand the weight of the words they use. (Neither Soph nor her father responded to requests for comment.)

Interviews with Soph and asides in her videos reveal a young person whose identity is obviously still being formed. She didn’t start as a politics caster but, predictably, as a profane 9-year-old (9!) game streamer called LtCorbis. Influential YouTubers Pyrocynical and Keemstar promoted her early work, which ripped on YouTube culture and the indignities of being a fifth-grader instead of people of color and liberals. (A 2016 Daily Dot story about her bore the unintentionally profound headline “This sweary, savvy, 11-year-old gamer girl is the future of YouTube.”) In more recent videos, Soph discloses a health issue that kept her out of class for long stretches. She confesses to being unhappy in school. She talks about a move from New York to California. She identifies by turns as “right-wing” and “anarcho-capitalist.” She’s 14, precocious, isolated, and pissed off, a combination that has produced a lot of bad behavior over the years, but not all of it monetized through preroll ads and a Patreon, and not all of it streamed to millions.

YouTube’s kid problem is well-known. From disturbing auto-generated cartoons to parents who playact violence with their children for clicks to a network of users exploiting videos of children for sexual content, the company has consistently failed at protecting the young users who are its most valuable assets. But Soph’s popularity raises another, perhaps more difficult question, about whether YouTube has an obligation to protect such users from themselves — and one another.

Of course, that’s partially the job of parents, a fact Soph pointed out in a recent video while addressing people alarmed by her content.

“I’m wondering why they’re concerned with what I say instead of being concerned with the parents who let their kids watch me,” she said.

It’s unclear how much Soph’s own parents know about her videos. Internet sleuths have figured out details about her parents’ lives, one of whom Soph has claimed voted for Hillary Clinton. In a recent interview, Soph said that her parents have never had a serious conversation with her about the politics of her videos, though she did respond angrily when a reporter attempted to contact her dad.

But the powers of parents over children who live online are limited. And YouTube has taken no ownership over what is happening to kids who grow up inhaling its trademark stench of bigotry, conspiracy, and nihilism. Now the kids, or the smart ones anyway, seem to know it. Indeed, YouTube’s own incompetence and lack of quality is one of Soph’s recurring themes; she acknowledges owing her fame to them.

“The fact that I was 11 and could easily follow the commentary formula should have been a sign that the standards for the genre were terribly low,” she said in the same interview.

Last month, after YouTube deactivated comments on her videos — the platform disabled comments on all videos with children in response to an outcry over the aforementioned network of exploitation — Soph uploaded a 12-minute video in which she seemed to be daring the platform to suspend her, knowing full well that it wouldn’t.

“Susan, I’ve known your address since last summer,” Soph said, directly addressing YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki. “I’ve got a Luger and a mitochondrial disease. I don’t care if I live. Why should I care if you live or your children? I just called an Uber. You’ve got about seven minutes to draft up a will. … I’m coming for you, and it ain’t gonna be pretty.”

A far-right child comedian threatening to murder the executive of the video site that has made her famous, for trying to protect her from pedophiles: the state of YouTube in 2019. (YouTube did not offer a comment for this story.)

Indeed, one of Soph’s messages seems to be that in a world where the adults who have grown rich through technology took the implications of that technology seriously, she wouldn’t exist. She’s a problem, she seems to be saying, of YouTube’s own making.

“You could beg me kicking and screaming to stop disseminating the ideas I believe in, and it wouldn’t make a fucking difference,” Soph says at the end of “Be Not Afraid,” in a passage in which she seems to drop her shtick, if only for a moment. “Not only am I inoculated to that bullshit, most of Gen Z is too. Millennials grew up with MTV and nowadays watch Colbert. We, on the other hand, grew up with the internet, so we have no centralized source of information that controls what we think. We filter out the truth for ourselves; we’re not lazy. No one is brainwashing kids. Kids are simply learning from having free access to information, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

The ultimate target of “Be Not Afraid” is, finally, adults: people who just don’t get why social justice discourse is meaningless and co-optable, why school can’t compare to YouTube, why mass murder can be funny. People who have enough experience to know better. She’s sure that adults are selfish and stupid, that the people with the most power over her life are making it up as they go along, just like she is. When you look at the adults who have gotten rich off the platform that created Soph, she isn’t completely wrong. She’s been publishing on YouTube for years with no consequence other than becoming famous.

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collegeessayguy · 5 years

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Well, just like most things, you get better at writing about yourself … by writing about yourself. You practice. That’s it.

To help you hone your writing chops and prepare for your personal essay, here are four of the best ways to learn how to write about yourself.

HOW TO WRITE ABOUT YOURSELF:

Become a better writer by journaling

It’s good to write more, period.

Different types of writing help you know your audience + hone your voice accordingly

Good personal writing is vulnerable

1. BECOME A BETTER WRITER BY JOURNALING

The two moments I’ll never forget in my life are (describe them in great detail, and what makes them so unforgettable)

The words I’d like to live by are…

I couldn’t imagine life without…

When I’m in pain — physical or emotional — the kindest thing I can do for myself is…

Make a list of the people in your life who genuinely support you, and whom you can genuinely trust. (Then make time to hang out with them.)

2. IT’S GOOD TO WRITE. PERIOD.

3. GOOD PERSONAL WRITING INCLUDES INTERESTING DETAILS.

Telling your readers that you took a trip to an unfamiliar place is fine. But this paragraph is better:

4. BE VULNERABLE.

Writing about yourself doesn’t need to reopen emotional wounds. If you’re wondering what to write your personal essay about, the answer isn’t necessarily “That thing I go to therapy for.”

#appblr #studyblr #college essay #high school #Common App #personal statement #College Essay Guy #college admissions #writing #writing tips

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joyzhong1 · 6 years

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Why an At-Home Date Night Is My Secret to a Lasting Love

Thanks to Pop Secret® for sponsoring this post.

Image source: Photography Hill

“Mom! He stole my unicorn and won’t give it back!”

“Dad, she called me a stink face!”

“Mama! Get a nack!” (That’s toddler speak for “please make me the 18th snack of the day.”)

This is a small snapshot into the near-constant stream of demands my husband and I field on a daily basis. Life with three young children (ages six, three, and one) is chaotic to say the least. Every day there are three tiny people vying for our attention and asking us to meet their needs at incredibly loud decibels — and those needs nearly always trump our own.

My husband has a physically demanding job and often works 10-hour days. I stay home with the kids and try to squeeze in work around their naptime. At the end of our days, we are pretty wiped out. While the idea of having a date night to get away and reconnect is great in theory, the reality is that they often get pushed to the back burner. Elaborate date nights out have become more and more difficult. You have to find a sitter (which can get expensive) and half the time you end up canceling your plans because one of the kids gets sick, there’s a last-minute work deadline, or any number of other random disruptions pop up. Last time we attempted to go out, I dropped the kids off at their grandparents’ house only to realize once we got there that my littlest had a fever.

Clearly, life with kids is unpredictable, but that just means we have to be more creative in order to get that alone time every marriage needs.

That’s why movie nights at home are the perfect compromise. Now, I’m not talking about a “family movie night” where we watch the same kids’ movie for the 700th time. No, I mean a kids-free, low-key evening where my husband and I can relax and reconnect (without little people climbing all over us).

For those of you who think “date night” only counts if you’re out on the town, consider this …

Image source: Photography Hill

A movie night at home saves you a whole lot of money. You don’t have to pay to hire a sitter (just wait until the kids are in bed!) and renting a movie won’t set you back more than a few dollars. Also, let’s not forget that snacks bought at the grocery store are far less expensive than at the theater. Some Pop Secret® microwave popcorn, a box of candy, maybe a couple glasses of wine and you’re in business.

You don’t have to get fancy. While I do love a good excuse to get dressed up and don a full face of makeup for a night out with my husband, I also don’t mind wearing my favorite cozy sweater and leggings and just staying in. At home, movie attire requirements = whatever is most comfortable!

You get to expand your horizons. Sometimes as a parent (especially one who stays home with the kids), you spend a lot of time watching your kids’ favorite movies and TV shows. But when you choose the movie, you’re finally prioritizing yourself and your interests. I swear, it can actually help you reconnect with your grown-up self and make you feel a bit less isolated from the rest of the world.

The bonding experience is real. You may not realize it, but a movie night can help you bond with and learn so much about your partner. Recently, my husband and I watched a really funny stand-up comedy special. So much of what was joked about were things that we could relate to and laugh together about. We’ve also watched plenty of documentaries that have sparked animated debates and discussions that have helped us learn new things about one another as both parents and partners. Each conversation brings us that much closer, even after all these years of marriage.

They’re more relaxing than going out. What could be more comfortable than watching a movie on your own couch, with your favorite blanket? Not to mention being able to control the temperature perfectly to your liking!

They’re nostalgic. Movie nights have always held a special place in my heart because they bring to mind how my husband and I first got together. Sixteen years ago, we held hands for the very first time while sitting on my parents’ couch watching a movie. It was a budding romance between two high school kids who had no idea what a simple movie date would lead to.

That night marked the start of a whole life to come. We grew closer throughout college, watching movies in our dorms, then as young newlyweds in our very first apartment. Now here we are, 16 years later, still snuggled up together. (Except now we have the occasional interruption for potty breaks and water sips from our three children.)

It’s honestly a bit mind-blowing sometimes to think about how those crazy high school kids are now somebody’s parents … actually three somebodies. Raising kids has brought such joy to our lives, but before we became a family it was just the two of us — and I don’t want us to lose sight of that.

When the kids have grown up and they’ve moved out into the world on their own, we will still be here. That’s why it’s so important to me to make sure that my husband and I still have a strong relationship when that time comes. Sometimes it feels like life is too busy to prioritize our relationship, but often, the littlest things (like curling up on the couch to watch a movie) can breathe new life into our marriage.

Image source: Photography Hill

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drabblesfromthemoon · 6 years

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Fighting the Fight

The quote I uploaded is from Sherlock, a TV Series from BBC about another adaptation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes. It’s a great series, but I will not talk about a review.

I want to talk about what Sherlock and most people in my timeline talk about these days: depression & being suicidal.

First of all, I am not a clinically proven as depressed. Depression is not being sad once in awhile, we need to set this straight. It is not something that you can just “snap out of it”. Depression is not equal “galau”. It needs serious assessment because it is a serious mental illness. You can’t know how depressed you are from random quiz from Buzzfeed or Vonvon.

That being said, all depression-related things that I am saying here might not be clinically reliable, you will need to speak with professional.

Now, what is a depression?

Depression, quoted from American Psychiatric Association is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. The symptoms are as followed:

- Feeling sad or having a depressed mood

- Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed

- Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting

- Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much

- Loss of energy or increased fatigue

- Increase in purposeless physical activity (e.g., hand-wringing or pacing) or slowed movements and speech (actions observable by others)

- Feeling worthless or guilty

- Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions

- Thoughts of death or suicide

That last bit about thoughts of death or suicide is something that you will see in every depression test. That’s the turning point when your increasing sleeping habit – one you think you do because you’re tired – now turned to an escape of all shit that happens in your head. That will slowly turned to a devil’s whisper: why not sleep forever, then?

Let’s talk about being sad.

Let’s make this personal so you can understand better. I tried it before, suicide, when I was in high school. Do you know how much guts it takes to raise a knife towards your wrist? No God matters when you do it, just so you know. It’s one of the blank moment in your head when you just want to do it, how tempting it is to just drop dead than sleeping in constant nightmares, wake up with massive migraines and feeling absolutely worthless afterwards.

Now what lead me to that path?

It started years before when I just graduated elementary school. My parents apparently, decided to get a divorce (I am not going to tell the detail about how it goes.) I had to be one of the daughter who must keep it inside, because my sister was in emotional roller coaster as well. One must become strong for the other, and at that time it was me and my brother. It was pretty bad, a lot of shit happened, and I was in emotional wreck for years all the way until high school.

The self-harm started during that divorce happen, I start to 'clawing’ myself to stop myself from crying (no one noticed because I did it on my upper leg). Soon it become hard to cry and my body won’t stop shaking until I calm down. Someone (who supposed to be my support) witnessed it, and he just said that I’m behaving like an insane kid, borderline crazy, and just let me shake. In the morning, I am that girl who laughed a lot at school. It happens on and on until I finally released myself from that place.

I was like in my senior year of middle school when I got out from there with my sister after 2 years. Then I moved to Depok. Everyone is ultra nice, my place is great, we have a little garden with a bunch of lele in a pond, lol (god damn that was so many lele). I make lots of friends, and we have this group called Miss Universe (stfu, we are just as fab as Miss Universe). Life is a teenage drama, all so fucking cheesy but it was fun laughing out loud all the time.

But the ghost came haunting every night and I can’t even explain how you can feel worthless in that kind of environment. I don’t even know why I’m sad, or if it’s related to the divorce. (Because let me tell you, I’m accepting the divorce whole-heartedly). I start writing sad poems about being alone and losing sleep for days, and then cry a bit. And then nightmares came following with massive headache.

I can’t talk to anyone, can’t talk to someone when you can’t even explain what happened to you. If you do it anyway, they will tell you to “be patient”. Oh, how stinks that words are. I’d rather curl up and die than hearing it again. Soon enough, I can’t even cry. That cycle happens for 2 years.

And then it was just… happen.

At that time, I raised the knife because that’s the only suicide method I know. And let me tell you, as I told above, nothing else matters. That God you are talking about does not matter then. I was just physically and emotionally tired, that’s all I know.

(“Oh but God is everything, how could you forget him omg do you go to church omg omg” Shut the fuck up)

The one that stopped me was something that my brother said years ago about the divorce and being a broken home kid in general, which I doubt he still remember by now. The words are exactly like this:

“Kamu beruntung dari anak lain, kamu punya kesempatan lebih cepat untuk jadi dewasa.”

“You are luckier than other kids, you got the chance to mature faster than kids your age.”

Those words made me release the knife and finally after months of inability to cry, I cried then. Days after, I cried in front of my friends until I lost ability to walk home. I think ‘those friends’ know who they are. Some are crying with me, the other one is now a doctor, who apparently can’t forget his experience in high school about how terrifying the mix of emotional breakdown and stomach ulcer is, lol

For those who have a sad friend, console them. You don’t have to talk much, just listen whenever they need you. A few pat on the back, and a hug. If they don’t cry, you cry for them. Drop that “be patient” and “just pray to god, lol” bullshit please. You are one of God’s way to make them feel better, do your damn job. Your friend is extremely tired beyond imagination, he is fighting a fight that he possibly can’t win, and he’s clenching really hard to live.

Depression is a fight in a Colosseum. You can have hundreds to cheer for you, but you are alone in this fight. The weapon probably isn’t as big as you think. Maybe it’s just how you like to see something in the future, maybe it’s that delicious cake you want to keep eating, maybe it’s just simple words, maybe it’s people you want to protect.

What it takes to win for me?

Let’s go back to the Sherlock quotes.

People who are sad, depressed, and all things similar – us – are creatures who crave love. All those façade we have been wearing is to make sure people we love don’t know, because they don’t have to. Let them live in their sparkling life, they won’t understand, they don’t have to understand, that’s what I thought.

These ‘people’ are of course whose who important to us, who we want to protect. The one that protect me from the knife are my brother’s words, and how devastated my family and my friends who cried with me if I die. They will cry in a condition when they know nothing, regretting and blaming themselves. And the depression cycle shall ensue again.

Now, after years, I can tell you, I am still a worthless piece of shit. If I have a worth, it is just because they will be devastated when I’m gone. I live for them, not for myself.

I can’t tell you that’s it’s a happy life, it is kind of empty. But it keep me breathing until now, that’s all that matters. And it is a life when you cherish every second of laughter with your loved ones. I am willing to fight, no matter how crazy and painful the ride is. To win, you have to live. This is the battle of endurance, take all you need to keep breathing, claw your hands through the walls to stay sane.

Lastly, condolences to all friends who left us. They did well, they fought well. We will continue the war on earth, please be one of the angels who remind us of people we love whenever the urge comes up. Again.

#suicide #jonghyun #sherlock #depression #suicidal #depresi #about suicide

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