#moongirlmusings

[moongirlmusingss]

I wish i could bury you, moth-winged half-faced love-burnt in the sands, and i wish i loved you before we became a sin so ostracised by every god of every religion, i wish you’d love me back, am I so unwanted by warmth that even in its most aggressive form, fire on the matchstick dies out before it touches my fingertips, i wish i could trace the contours of your cheekbone before i found a smirk hiding in your closeted dimple, i wish you weren’t a scattered set of embers i wish i could dare to dream of warmth again

I wish i could sculpt the void out of you into something we’d put in our garden, i wish you weren’t incapable of loving, i wish you were the gaps between my heartbeat, i wish i could pick out all the satisfying parts of my life like i’m trying to dissect the branches of the facial nerve properly, and slowly slowly the formaldehyde will fill my lungs and i just wish i could stare at you like i did at that old decaying body and you’d let me

I wish i could love you without asking for it in return, i wish i was the chill girl but honestly i’m not and i don’t think i’ll ever be, i wish i could unearth you from beneath the soil’s sour taste and kiss you and pretend the earthworms aren’t there and you’re still the most gorgeous thing in the world, i wish i could keep you alive i wish i didn’t have to wish all of this in the first place

#wlw #writing #prose #literature #writersofinstagram #fyp #tumblr #girlinthered #darkacademia #academia #originalwriting #mywords #poetry #writingcommunity #thoughtdaughter #mothwinged #loveburnt #warmth #dark academia #wandering #words #original writing #my words #my writing #moongirlmusings #other tags i guess💔 for engagement and superficial measures of my worth as a writer:

[39minutesplaylist]

(39 Minutes Playlist)

PLAYLIST 07.Dec.2021 12tracks/39:48

1. Hildur Hoglind — Karaoke https://soundcloud.com/hildur-h-glind https://www.facebook.com/hildurhoglindpage https://open.spotify.com/artist/4HpQhtdHFiuPuuA1LRuyLk

2. Pom Poms — Mr. Hollywood https://soundcloud.com/pompomsmusic https://www.facebook.com/pompomsmusic https://open.spotify.com/artist/2tmp2SLqU4vkrSAT6hMInl

3. Linnéa Sidfäldt — Emotionell https://soundcloud.com/linn-a-sidf-ldt https://www.facebook.com/MoonGirlMusic https://open.spotify.com/artist/4kcLb4LQAuHW9OE0qFsiLP

4. Angelika Express — Für Dich https://soundcloud.com/angelika-express https://www.facebook.com/angelikaexpress https://open.spotify.com/artist/6mIAHgkdWhjoDrcTYnJKGN

5. High Liquid — Hey what a day https://soundcloud.com/linda-isaksson-92840368 https://www.facebook.com/angelikaexpress

6. ManicSheep — Eve Of Destruction https://soundcloud.com/manicsheep https://www.facebook.com/manicsheep https://open.spotify.com/artist/6JXdjqMVpq61fvihemTbfI

7. JADA — Lonely https://soundcloud.com/jada_93 https://open.spotify.com/artist/2pobDPwk9fuzujz5YKKAVB

8. Dvanov — Давайте https://soundcloud.com/user6716580 https://www.facebook.com/DvanovBand https://open.spotify.com/artist/0lo5lPNwEERWiQfsEYqC1s

9. Painters — Friends Forget You https://soundcloud.com/painterspostpunk https://www.facebook.com/PaintersPostPunk https://open.spotify.com/artist/2DTi2UO5KiGBQkD9sdbp5R

10. Premier Métro — Your Guide https://soundcloud.com/premiermetro https://www.facebook.com/premiermetrooff

11. Life on Venus — Around the Sun https://soundcloud.com/lifeonvenusband https://www.facebook.com/lovenusband https://open.spotify.com/artist/72cBWuYjXkWxEXqZcoH5kE

12. Eskin — Умирать https://soundcloud.com/yr9f4khod6ei https://open.spotify.com/artist/3pX2QPAsgbGtiBiZFetgwh

#SoundCloud #music #39 Minutes Playlist

[stephcapell]

@moongirlmusings and Black women, along with other women of color, have had to fight twice as hard to get those rights. https://www.instagram.com/p/B4CixwMHFGxqFmpTqANgJAXtcQbAoNCXn6Z9PA0/?igshid=gd4hhaw3uo14

[moongirlmusingss]

gods and mothers and daughters

my mother’s divinity stains my fingers, my mouth all bloodened by her devouring faith.

she tells me if i fast if i keep my soul pure, god will forgive me for sinning/loving a woman/not wanting to marry a man of my faith. she tells me another priest in the village saw god and i bite my mouth so i won’t bite god in the wrist, i keep my mouth closed so god doesn’t get to leave the rotting stench of my rage, i kill myself so i don’t bring his wrath upon my devout mom.

when you ask me if believe in a god, i will lie between my teeth (as my grandmother through hers when she told my mother god will be good if you pray and god will punish if you don’t) and say “no” but we both know i can’t blame a god i don’t believe in, i can’t pray for his forgiveness if i don’t wish to forgive him.

My girlhood was defined by being an image of a goddess, they told all little girls “tum devi ka roop ho” (you are a face of the goddess) and all newly married women “laxmi ji ghar aayi hain” (goddess of wealth and prosperity has entered our house) but no one saw me that way, no one sees us that way. They call us a goddess and tell us to marry into households where an ordinary man would beat up his “goddess” wife. They call us a goddess and expect us to sit cross legged on the bed and tell our surviving daughters that god will be good if you pray and god will punish if you don’t and no one questions god for punishing the murdered girl fetuses for not praying when they weren’t even given a chance to learn to.

and yet i believe in all the inauspicious tales, i am afraid my mother’s prayers will stop protecting me any second, i am afraid the god will punish me for loving, i am afraid the god will ask for my kindness and i will hand him my life instead. 

it becomes a cycle, mom. you will disappoint me like a god and i’ll claw at your approval like your devout, you will love me as a daughter and i will fear you as my god, you will continue chanting as i bleed (you have no choice, you can’t stop in between can you) and i will forgive you like a dog.

#poetry #poem #poetsofig #igpoetrycommunity #poetryisnotdead #poetrylovers #poetryinmotion #poetrysociety #poetrybyme #womanwhowrite #herwordisgold #wordswithqueens #depth #quote #writerscommunity #deep #musings #spokenword #feelings #emotional #poetsofinstagram #poetrywordsmith #writersofinstagram #poetics #poetsandwriters #prose #spilledinkpoetry #literature #art #moongirlmusings

[moongirlmusingss]

oh i’m sorry it’s just the way you memorised the exact way i liked my maggi and then came over and made it for me when i told you i wanted to eat it but didn’t feel like making it even though you had an exam the next morning kinda made me like totally fall in love with you so pls reject me asap because i cannot be this delusional

#moongirlmusings

[moongirlmusingss]

They’re burning another land, another country that isn’t native to white people, another family mourning, another nation gone down in the tiniest corner of history books (they’ll tell you about how Palestine started the war, they’ll tell you about how Israel had to wipe out all of them and you’ll have to unlearn it before they teach you how every genocide was just an event, they’ll try and dehumanize the burning and bombing and the killing of innocent civilians as they sit on their high privileged seats made of the bones of those they climbed upon) they’re eradicating a whole community and you’re standing with your coffee cup telling me “oh but one person can’t do anything” and i’m holding my fist clenched almost ready to spread them out to seek forgiveness from the children we won’t be able to save.

You gave the same excuse “one person can’t do anything” and tell that to the protestors and the people sharing and making posts, ALL EYES ON RAFAH isn’t a hashtag trending on the internet, it’s the International Court of Justice telling Israel to halt its attack on Rafah and them bombing the UN tent camp immediately

You give the same excuse everytime “i don’t like getting political” tell me was it

Political of your ancestors to protest for the right to vote

Hypocritical of you to have silence in your throat

Miracle was it to get education accessible to most

Typical of them to weaken the weak and boast

Visible now all their hidden horrors are gross

Critical to raise your voices at every coast

you can hold your pathetic excuses for keeping numb in some depraved corner of your conscience while a genocide happens and you can keep your failed agendas of equality and world peace but know that no minority is safe until all minorities are, they may not be coming for your rights yet but if you can turn your eyes away from children burning and fathers finding for their sons’ limbs to bury them whole then why wouldn’t the world turn its eyes away from your children being buried too.

#moongirlmusings #all eyes on rafah #all eyes on gaza #free palestine

[moongirlmusingss]

stoichiometry

Question: I am a mixture of 60% love-hate and the rest is a combination of reactants (my mother’s anger, my father’s ignorance, my lover’s sweetness, all my friends’ idea of me being a better person than i really am) and products (my anger, my carelessness, my bitterness, my crippling guilt of being a bad person) and so if i am a mixture of __ kg (don’t ask me my weight in grams or my mass in newtons or how heavy i am or how burdened i feel don’t ask me to quantify myself into a number don’t ask me how much the earth takes when i stand upon her) then how much love can be extracted. Given values are love = 20 and hate = 23.

Answer: follow the equation c1v1 = c2v2 and hope to god that your numbers fit in perfect, that the decimals make sense, that the sig figs do too, hope to god it’s like the way you solved it when you were in 10th grade taking AP chemistry and you calculated love couldn’t be extracted out of you, it is a part of you and no dangerously experimental method could tell you the burden of love you carry (mass) because it will forever be accompanied by the not-adhering-to-laws-of-physics force that carries your love as the earth carries you and the number of that, well i told you not to ask didn’t i.

#prose #writing #literature #my words #original writing #my writing #poetry #wandering #words #dark academia #moongirlmusings #chemistryprose #stoichiometry

[moongirlmusingss]

Carnages of love <3

In the forest floor’s forgiving arms,

Where moss blooms above graves buried,

But shadows lurk 'neath ivy's swirls,

and gently death does them carry

Swallow my remains leave not a morsel or bite of the carnage of love

you feasted upon and no matter the soil no matter the heart

Keep me an oath in your bones

Tell me you’ll digest our love

Keep it beneath your throat

Never to return never i, of

Yours, never you, of mine

The velvet expanse

of your stars you so call

Am i another one of your constellations

Am i another you enthrall

until you sin my body

until i no longer crawl

if you sought refuge in my love

why leave me a ruin to fall

so hear pray whatever god you must

i will return with my grave in my hand

i will pluck out your ribs on the dinnertable

i will drink wine out your palms

This time, i, not you,

get to bring death upon your arms

and sweet it will not be

kind no more so

i promise i’ll weave you into the same star sky

borrowed me though

i will return to a hell after this crime

Dear lover, i love you even in taking your life

That i’d repent for you every time

#moongirlmusings #prose #writing #literature #my words #original writing #my writing #poetry #wandering #dark academia #words

[moongirlmusingss]

i think sometimes when people die, the heavens star them in their ever-expanding cosmos and they put down their name onto a soft soft blanket, embroider it a end of reincarnation cycle or whatever you believe in i suppose. i think the heavens let them leave parts back on earth, i think you are in every coffee i drink and every stranger i smile at and every kindness i show is borrowed from you.

i’m sorry you are more loved in my tragically fading memory than you were in your alive form, i’m sorry i didn’t linger by the door longer that day or the days before, i’m sorry i held your face in my cupped hands the way you held prayers in your palms.

list of remnants of you: in your hair in your comb, in your sweaty gym set, in your rotting pasta leftovers, in your unmade beds, in your mugs and mugs of coffee adorned by mold, in your dying plants, in your house that i have to clean and pack up for your family to store at theirs, in my lipbalm that you used all the time, in everything and everywhere i see and smell and go and in your favorite lunch spots and your coffee orders and everything and it is so overwhelming to see parts of you everywhere like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle but they don’t fit together they don’t fit together to make you and you are gone and never returning.

i think sometimes when people die, we convince ourselves they’ll go off to a better place because that stings less than knowing your loved one has gone to a bad place and they didn’t even take you, that you couldn’t even go. 

#moongirlmusings #grief #death #prose #poetry #poets on tumblr #my words #literature #original writing #my writing #wandering #dark academia #words #writing #writers on tumblr

[moongirlmusingss]

in the freezer-convertible are your dreams all frozen from before you grew up, astronaut, scientist, president, oh how they seemed so realistic then oh how they seemed so foolish now, you told them you didn’t achieve anything before you died and i wish i’d heard because i’d make you count all the hearts you saved, all the dreams you fostered in your home, all the meals you brought sweetness to, and most of all: all the ambitions you birthed became mine, mom. (oh and i miss you)

from a piece i wrote titled "what's in/on the fridge" (which you can find on my ig: moongirlmusings)

#moongirlmusings #motherdaughter #mothersday

[moongirlmusingss]

A letter to may

April has left me for the girl with cowboy boots so please may may may be mine. Hold my hand, tell me you’d carve out my name somewhere on the sun, tell me i’m better than what my father wanted to be, tell me it’s not my fault, tell me you’ll tie my hair into braids on my birthday. Tell me i will live instead of simply surviving and that i will dig my own grave after you’re gone. Tell me june will be kind to our heartbreak, tell me april will come again, tell me the summer months won’t hate me for wanting to die, tell me you’re real. 

It’s the 8th now, will you come this week to visit please I found a new song you’d like, i think you are so pretty, will you stop by this time, will you make my idealisation of you a bitter taste that sits in the back of my mouth, will you bring me some coffee, will you be here for dinner, will you learn my mother tongue to know me better or will i just be another one of your friends, will you open my thoracic cavity and leave upon seeing my heart beat alive, are you scared telling me you love me makes it real may?

may do you listen to girl in red and clairo and chappell roan when i tell you we should call it off, or do you pretend you’re straight when i tell you i still want you, will you walk down the altar to a man who will call you his wife, or will you stay this time and we don’t even have to tie the knot, we can just lie in your bed and pretend we’re not someone so deeply hated by our family for being the way we are.

April has left me for the girl with cowboy boots and may you will leave me for any man alive.

#moongirlmusings #prose #wlw #wlw yearning #good luck babe #chappell roan #may #may is a lesbian in my head

[moongirlmusingss]

if i was a museum

If i was a museum, you’d see five screenshots of the same chat because i kept triple tapping on the back of my phone once because i was too nervous to not. You’d see a few hundred playlists titled “for my love” and a few hundred more titled “for us”. You’d see all the times I spent two hours on spotify going through bizarre indie underground underrated playlists (one of them was called ‘how i eat my pomegranates with no teeth’ and yes it has been deleted since then i think) just so I could find more music that physically looked like my best friends. You’d see all the times i clicked on that one friend from highschool’s music on bereal because she always had the best music taste and actually if i was a museum i’d be really messy and clumsy and you probably would want a refund once you entered the main gallery (it would be titled “my reasons for breaking down”, which include ‘the tree was so lonely amongst the flowers, so big and so wise and so old yet so incapable of being picked’ and ‘ok instead of okayy’ and ‘how i’ll mourn all the versions of myself i could have been if i didn’t move far away from home and how i would’ve mourned more if i hadn’t moved’) and the funniest thing i’d give you your money worth in coins and i’d probably double the amount of coins because i wouldn’t want anyone to ever dislike or hate me so i’d spend the rest of my life people pleasing my way through every friendship and then convincing myself that i have definitely manipulated everyone into not hating me because if i was a museum there’d be a room “entry to staff only” and i’d be the only staff and it would have a mirror and you’d see me the way i see me and it would be worse than asking for a refund you’d probably come back to the museum with a bulldozer and you’d make my bones crumble my artpieces from 2nd grade but anyways. If i was a museum, you’d see a sentence start with “you’d see all the times i clicked” go to “crumble my artpieces from 2nd grade”.

If I was a museum you’d see my grief hold hands with my joy and you’d see a thousand different metaphors of motherly love and all those smudged asymmetrical eyeliners and you’d see an instagram account called moongirlmusings and you’d see how i call it my own museum and maybe it is maybe that’s where all these things are maybe that’s where you’re reading this from.

If i was a museum it’d be bigger than every other museum combined, i have too much to say and too much of a tendency to overshare (i’d let a stranger know of how my worst heartbreaks were never romantic not even close)

#ifiwasamuseum #writing #my words