#obviously it was pretty bad and hes even seen having a panic attack about it in the show | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

babyyweebbitch · 1 year

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König headcannons

y’all, imma start writing for Call of Duty now 💃🏾🕺🏾 i’m currently playing both call of duty modern warfare and MW2 so if i get anything wrong i’m sorry i haven’t finished either 😔💔 i’m sorry i’ve barely been active! life is very fucked rn, but onto big boi könig headcannons

there are times he will come home from a mission or something very sore because he gets thrown around/hit a lot, he will go to you for a massage or a warm bath (you both had a large ass tub installed in one of your bathrooms because of how big he is and he can’t fit in a regular sized tub)

if he decides to go outside without you he will have to have something of yours in his pocket like your bracelet or one of your pins just so he’s comfortable. he once had a panic attack in target and you had to drive up there to finish shopping with him at another target because almost all of the shoppers stared and watched instead of help him

he’s the type to kinda just eat the pickles after he said no pickles on his order because he’s afraid of making the workers mad. you always have to go tell the workers yourself and he kinda pleads with you for 5 minutes not to and that he can eat the pickles or take them off.

when he asked you out the first time he was a blushing, shaking mess. you two have been friends since you were kids so you knew how he was and how he didn’t like confrontation at all so you just waited patiently and even told him a few times he can text it to you or something if he couldn’t speak. he eventually got the words out and he was fully expecting you to say no and leave but five years later, you’re still together!

he knows his own strength and being 6’10 and over 230 he’s pretty strong — he once hurt you by accident while playing and he refused to touch you for two weeks, he even hid in the closet for hours after it happened because he was afraid you were mad at him. you explained you weren’t mad at him and that it was just an accident

he speaks to you in german while in public, he only does this when he’s anxious, doesn’t wanna talk to anyone or he just does it for fun

has a bunch of pictures of you in his hidden album so he can look at them while he’s away.

you went to the hospital for about two months for a health issue that needed to be fixed and i swear König was having withdrawals at home without you. he obviously visited you all day but on non visiting days/hours he had withdrawals at home, he hated sleeping in the bed alone and he hated not hearing you somewhere in the house doing something. the house was very silent that two months. when you came back he didn’t leave your side

he likes to mess with you a lot if you’re a lot shorter than him. if you ask him for something he’ll kinds just hold it up in the air out of your reach, but then feels bad after 30 seconds and he stops

he takes Christmas abnormally serious, he decorates the whole house, makes christmas themed things/foods and even gets you both matching ugly sweaters! he got one that said “his elf” “her/his elf” and you both wore it on any gatherings he was willing to go to.

he has lured a cat into the house with cheese three times and now you have three cats — congratulations. he almost did that with a deer but you caught him mid lure and you still him from adopting a deer

has kept the same card you gave him when you were kids, he puts it in his pocket while on any missions so he has something other than pictures to remind him of you and remind him the reason why he’s coming home every time

he secretly likes being little spoon (don’t tell him i told u that)

you’re the only person who has seen his face — not even his closet friends in the military have seen more than his hair and face

he let you wear his gear once and he has millions of pictures of you in his gear because of how big they are on you

he has never wanted to get married before dating you, but now that’s all he can think about, only with you tho! marry him >:(

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty modern warfare 2 #mw2 #könig #könig x reader #könig headcanons #headcannons

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tangents-within-tangents · 18 days

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Thoughts on Echo as amputee/disability representation

First and foremost, I am not disabled or an amputee and I don’t claim to speak for those communities. What little I do know mostly comes from this youtube channel (@oakwyrm), this post, and other research I’ve done for my writing (and like one amputee I kinda knew in passing). By all means correct me and add to the conversation, I just have some thoughts I want to share because I haven’t really seen this discussed anywhere

Overview

So Echo is interesting. He is a triple amputee which is pretty rare in media. His disabilities come from extremely traumatic circumstances: injured in a near-death experience, imprisoned and dehumanized as an experiment with no autonomy over what happened to his body.

There are a few moments in the shows where Echo is treated… questionably. Like this bit where Rex uses him as an example of the Separatists' evils to convince the locals to fight back:

To be fair, yeah Echo’s treatment does prove that the Techno Union is not neutral like they claim. The modifications that everyone is gasping in horror at here obviously weren’t made with comfort and accessibility in mind, nor with Echo’s consent. But you still just want to be sure that “They took away his freedom, his humanity, they tried to turn him into a machine” is about using him as a living computer, not the fact that he is missing limbs.

The Batch is also pretty insensitive toward him and his trauma imo, which is weird considering they've supposedly also faced discrimination for their mutations

Disabled people do have to deal with stuff like this in this day and age so I guess it can speak to those experiences. I think especially him being mistaken as a droid (and Hunter going along with it (bruh)) might resonate with some people.

Aside from that stuff, Echo isn't really treated any differently as a character/person which is really good (as low of a bar as that is).

We get this moment in CW where Echo contemplates that yeah things are gonna be different now

While also (imo at least) showing that he is still the same person regardless, evidenced by the fact that he just echoed Rex :,) I also think it's significant that he joins the Bad Batch on his own terms and we're given a really emotional scene to specifically show that he's not just like 'lumped in with the other misfits' but that it is his choice to go where he feels his place is.

A lot of people, myself included, are disappointed that TBB didn't have more time to explore Echo's PTSD, but I think the one panic attack scene we did get is really good. Even thought it's minor it at least is an appropriate reaction from a guy who was medically tortured (which is more than I've come to expect from Star Wars shows lol)

And it's really sweet to see Omega showing Echo some empathy and consideration.

It would have been nice to see more of his adjustment period, and other side effects like chronic pain and maintenance, but there’s a lot of daily life stuff the show never had time for (i.e. we don’t know if he removed his prosthetics to sleep, but we also never saw him sleep anyway). His disabilities might take on a background role (much like the character himself sadly) but for the most part they aren’t invisible or erased, nor do they define his character and arc.

Physical Appearance

Okay this one is bit dicey, bc on the one hand, yes complaints that Echo’s paleness (caused by burns from the explosion or chemical burns from the cryo-chamber) is whitewashing are totally valid. But I also think you can draw comparisons to real life conditions that affect pigmentation/complexion (like you know burns). So while I understand why a lot of fanart will depict him with his original skin tone and with hair, consider that there are real people who have to live with temporary or permanent changes to their appearance, and the idea of “fixing" him by making him look more like his old self can be problematic.

It's also interesting to note that Echo could act as a reversal of the 'disabled/disfigured = evil' trope. He's pale and bald and wears black and red, which is so often visually associated with villains, but we all know Echo is the bestest boy™

The Headpiece

Echo’s headpiece is interesting because within the show we don’t actually ever learn much about it (idk if there is more info in books or whatever bc i don’t have them so?). He didn’t have it in CW so we know it didn’t come from the Techno Union and therefore Echo probably had more choice with it. We don’t know its exact purpose but it’s most likely related to his scomping abilities. When he is hacking with his scomp in CW, before he has his headpiece, it’s clearly very mentally straining:

We don’t see him struggling like this in TBB once he does have it (though that could be bc he got more used to it over time). There doesn't seem to be much of an impact when he removes his headpiece in s3 ep14-15, except that he gets stuck in the ports every time he uses his scomp which is not something we’ve seen before:

There might not be an exact real-world equivalent, but the headpiece is some kind of accessibility aid. It means that someone specifically designed a device to help him adapt to the changes the Techno Union made, as well as a helmet that integrates it. It’s removable and visually very present, much like a cochlear implant would be. (A lot of people actually headcanon it to act partially as a hearing aid, since it makes sense that Echo’s hearing would have been damaged in the explosion, but there isn't really any indication of this in canon.) The headpiece is never really acknowledged in the show, but I think that's a good thing. It's something he needs/wants and it just exists, completely normalized, and that's pretty cool 👍

Legs

Sigh... So from the very first episode of TBB I was really disappointed that the animation team or whoever completely visually erased Echo’s prosthetic legs (I think we all were, honestly, if fanart is anything to go by). It’s one thing when he’s in armor because he would probably want to protect his prosthetics, but we literally see him in his blacks and there is no indication whatsoever that he lost his legs even though it was not left up for debate at all in CW:

Like ??????!?

This is just really strange to me! Idk what went on behind the scenes with this decision but I don’t really see why it would be that much harder to animate or anything since it’s 3D and they've done it before. We do see some pretty sophisticated cybernetic technology in Star Wars canon that mimics real limbs:

But Luke’s fancy hand is technically 20ish years from now, so Anakin and Maul are more of a representation of what level we could expect here

So yeah, for no apparent reason, his leg amputation is effectively, visually and narratively nonexistent. Which is not great 👎

Arm!

The scomp on the other hand (uh lol!) is the complete opposite and I kinda love it!

At first I, like many others, thought it was a bit odd that they didn’t give Echo a prosthetic arm. Losing hands is basically a Star Wars tradition at this point, so robotic arms/hands are well established within the worldbuilding:

We aren’t necessarily given a canon reason for why Echo doesn't get a cybernetic arm (again unless it's in some lore book I haven’t read, sorry). General fanon explanations I’ve seen are that he either couldn’t because the Techno Union wired the scomp too far into his nervous system, and/or the resources to give him one were deemed too expensive for a clone (what about his legs tho?), or that he chose not to, usually because he thought the scomping was useful.

Regardless, I actually really love this choice (and it's the whole reason I made this post), because here's the thing: There’s a lot of problematic tropes out there that either erase/cure disabilities or compensate them with perks (like how pretty much any blind character is actually not blind by some sort of magic power). With amputees that is done with robotic arms. The character is still an amputee or course, and there is still value in that representation, if this story from Mark Hamill that makes me tear up is anything to go by:

but for the most part these characters function like anyone else, just with a limb that looks a little different. It’s no more than a video game skin, an able-bodied actor with a green screen glove. It “cures” the disability, or it actually makes the character even stronger than usual:

It usually makes sense within the world of the story, but the reason it’s not so great in my opinion is that in the real world we just do not have technology anywhere close to that yet. Prosthetics can more or less replace any mobility from lost legs, but not for all the complexities of a hand (and even if they could the average person wouldn’t be able to afford it).

I think it's actually really super cool that Echo’s scomp bypasses the canonically-established amputee erasure and functions much like a stump would irl. He integrates it into his movements and everyday life and it’s (as far as I know) a lot closer to an everyday amputee’s experience.

It doesn’t define his character, it doesn’t hold him back, he lives a full life, the other’s don’t treat him any differently, and he’s still a total karking badass

The only additional thing is that he sometimes uses it as a weapon (which given his story, I think it’s cool to see him taking back autonomy in a way, and we only see that like twice)

And also the scomping, which could be seen as the 'added/compensating superpower' trope. But narratively it's no different than if he was plugging in with a hacking gadget of some kind (he didn't necessarily "need" to lose his arm for it) and it’s not like Echo is completely defined by this skill. Personally, I think it's well worth the positives of him actually having a visible and realistically impactful amputation.

I see a lot of posts or comments out there that say stuff like “how come Echo doesn’t get a hand?” or fanworks that do give him one and I just think it’s a bit of a shame. If he did get a robotic hand, it just would have disappeared the same way his legs and Anakin’s arm did (aside from that one time he got yoinked by a magnet). When Echo did “get a hand” in the last two episodes there were comments like “yay he finally got a hand! but it doesn’t even work” but I was actually so relieved that it didn’t! Bc for one thing that wouldn’t make any sense, he grabbed it off a droid, it wasn’t designed to implement with his scomp, that would be really complicated. But more importantly because it again refused to erase/cure his disability! It functioned like a real-world cosmetic prosthetic (useless beyond appearance) which is exactly what he needed it for, so that he could blend in better with his disguise.

And he continually took it off throughout the episode and ditched it at the end. He only used it for the necessity of a stealth mission, he doesn’t feel the need to visually “fit in” in his daily life.

And, last but very much not least, he made a dad joke and from my intel that is very accurate representation!

TLDR: Echo’s scomp is actually really cool from an amputee representation perspective, especially within Star Wars, and I think that deserves some appreciation

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confused-wanderer · 1 year

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Fanfic writers, please show Jason and Dick’s turmoil towards Bruce. It doesn’t matter if the writings fluff or angst, I just want to see realistic repercussions of their time with Bruce.

Obviously, he was not the best father by a long shot. Hell, he never even knew how to parent, teach or take care of children, he just wanted to help. But the road to hell is usually paved by good intentions.

Bruce would’ve fucked up a LOT with Dick, never knowing when to be cautious or straightforward, kind or angry, especially to someone who’s suffered almost exactly like he had. Someone who’s seen his parents die, his world shatter and now is filled with vengeance and trauma. Someone who needs his attention, even on stupid matters while he’s going through his own battles of staring out as batman.

With Jason, he must’ve had a whole NEW problem. Jason’s experience on the streets, his niche triggers and responses to some mundane activities or phrases, Dick’s hatred towards him and Jason while also trying to make sure this one doesn’t get himself killed. With fear and frustration comes anger, and cold logic so I’m pretty sure there must’ve been a few instances to say the least where Bruce retorts with something out of anger or trying to get Jason to realise just how serious things are, only realising too late how much it affected him.

I want their hesitation and fear portrayed. How Dick hesitates to tell Bruce something about a topic that was sensitive when he was younger. The way he holds his breath, waiting for the onslaught of lectures and scoldings, or how he laments on something like “God I’m so careless how could I have missed that?” Which would have previously been met with “You are no detective, you need to do better, this could cost you your life.” But instead hears “it’s okay, we all make mistakes. You’ll get it next time, maybe a few practice rounds would help.”

How Jason gives up hopes of communicating with Bruce at all after the arguments they’d had in his childhood over everything and nothing. How nowadays he doesn’t speak much at all, and always answers in curt sentences, thinking Bruce would not have the time, care about unimportant details or not approve of activities. It’s why he hesitates on the edge of a panic attack or needs help to call Bruce, always keeping it as the last resort. But instead of hearing “I always told you to be careful” or “You could’ve avoided this..” he hears “How does it feel chum? I know it hurts, but how can I help?”

Because when Tim came, let’s be honest he saw Robin as a job. He didn’t give a flying fuck and thus remained relatively unaffected by Bruce. Not to mention with two robins, and Tim being Tim, Bruce could never really pick on things to actually hurt him. In time, sure he gradually saw Bruce as a father figure and they got closer, he still has a lesser fear and knowledge of Bruce’s behaviour.

Just a fic which shows Bruce trying, changing and not realising just how some things he did or said fucked up his children. How he tries to understand why, for the life of him, Dick never really talks about what’s really bothering him, or how he can help, or really anything about his life that he genuinely enjoys. Bruce lives for conversations with Jason, and keeps trying to remain upbeat and patient while he prompts conversations every time because he doesn’t understand why Jason has become just as quiet, if not more than how talkative and expressive he was as Robin.

Shit happened, and there’s nothing he can do to fix that, he knows that. But he doesn’t know what actions or words of his are actually ingrained in their minds. He doesn’t remember the emotional extent of how bad some things seemed. He might remember being strict with Dick, but he doesn’t remember how he had once told Dick that he would never feel the happiness like he did with his parents before when the kid had come crying to him on the anniversary of his parents shooting saying how much it hurts. He recalls being harsh with Jason when he had done incredibly reckless things trying to find his biological mother. He doesn’t remember telling Jason that maybe it’s a good thing that his mother doesn’t want to see him.

All I’m saying- Give me a fic in which through something, supervillain, mental breakdown - something that makes Bruce have that moment of realisation of how, no matter his intentions, feelings or context, he’s responsible for their fear of him. I want to see how he reacts to this revelation, his moments of panic, guilt and horror when he realises just how badly he fucked up. How he desperate starts trying to change himself, how he slowly tries to start building relations and starts being more patient, caring and considerate..because he truly loves his children, and he misses them.

#Bruce Wayne #batman #batfam #batbrothers #batbros #Tim drake #red robin #Tim drake robin #dick grayson robin #dick grayson police officer #nightwing #Jason todd red hood #red hood #Jason todd robin #batman and robin #batfam fluff #batfam angst

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heroictoonz · 4 days

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Thoughts on season 17?

So I talked briefly about s17 last night in a 2am haze here are those rambles but I'll try to give a whole debriefing on my opinions here (spoilers ahead obvi)

So, honestly, going into s17 I was very skeptical. I hate s16 with a passion even rewatching it last night to do this little 'finally finishing the show' thing I'm currently doing. I also have heard a lot of people talk about how Tucker was done dirty in these ending seasons. And I'm the kinda guy that does his best to hold of on having opinions on stuff I haven't personally watched cause I just don't think anyone can realistically have a strong opinion just based on other peoples thoughts and words. Buuuut it still didn't put much hope in me that was for sure lol

Going in though I was, admittedly, pleasantly surprised. It wasn't, like, amazing but it didn't suck! And it was FAR better than s16 and at this point that's all I can ask for lmao. The first thing I wanna talk about is, obviously, Tucker (lol) and his whole thing in s17.

So, like most RVB seasons, s17 is the continuation and end of of the time travel arc thing so it's coming off of s15 and s16 but mostly s16. Now, I'm actually gonna go ahead an preface all this with saying I fucking HATE time travel in media it almost always gives me a headache and I will talk about that at some point but I wanted to get that out of the way here.

SO Tucker. My guy of all time the dude of always and forever. He got probably ones of my favorite arcs of all time for a character especially in RvB seconded only to like the Freelancers. And I've talked about how much s16 basically turned me off the show for a LONG while and most of that was because of how they were writing Tucker.

S17 is not nearly as bad here. So they actually give a reason to his weird ass behavior in s16 and where I don't think it was perfectly executed it made it a lot more bearable for me, honestly. It put more context as to why his personality did almost a complete 180. It also gave me the time to really pick apart what they were clearly trying to do with him. Like having him work through his masking he does for his insecurities and still processing the whole hero arc he got a few seasons back. That's all super interesting I just do wish they'd have done it better.

But I will say; TUCKER IN THE LABYRINTH? TUCKER IN THE LABYRINTH??? FUCKING HELLO???? Like. No one said anything in the episode really. But like. My brother in christ he had a panic attack and then passed out on the fucking floor cause he watched his friends disappear and didn't know what to do or how to get them back. LIKE OH MY GOD??? Like Chorus we saw him get pretty frantic about the others being 'taken' by the Federation. So he gets pretty obsessive when someone is missing it seems but for his greatest fear that the Labyrinth used to try and get him to kill himself was juts? A fear of being alone??? That's insane. Like lots of people fear being alone! Lots of people fear their friends and family leaving them! That's normal ish enough. But for Tuckers fear to be so fucking strong that the AI believed it was enough to kill him?! DUDE WHAT? THATS INSANE! IT MAKES ME ACTIVLLY CRAZY WHAT THE HELL! I think blowing up is the only way I can cope with this thanks

Also, speaking. Of Tucker. UM THE TIME FRAGMENT HE HAD TO FIX? THANKS. THANK YOU. THAT WAS SO PAINFUL. THAT WAS FUCKING FOR ME PERSONALLY. THEY DID THAT SHIT FOR ME. No joke that happened and I fucking scrambled out of my bed and ran to my qp's room like STARRRRR and I'm over here like climbing into their bed and half to tears about to sob like a clown just like "STAR STAR THEY DID THE THING THEY DID THE THING ITS FRECKLES SHAKE STAR STAR HE HAD TO RELIVE FRECKLES SHAKE STARRRRR" and they're like "... yeah?" (<- They have seen like two seasons of this show and have no idea what the fuck I am on) BUT LIKE DAMN HIM HAVING TO SABOTAGE HIS OWN TEAM TO MAKE IT TURN OUT THE WAY HE NEEDS IT TO FIX THE TIMELINE. FUCKED UP. ESPECIALLY TO LEARN HOW FUCKING SCARED HE IS OF SHIT LIKE THAT EXACT SITUATION HAPPENING? FUCKING AWEFUL I LOVED EVERY SECOND IT WAS AMAZING BEST DECISION SINCE SLICED BREAD HOLY FUCK!

So, uh, yeah they made up for s16 at least for me :)

ANYWAYS. Other parts I loved: so like, fr? The time travel in this season wasn't as bad as other shows. It was p easy to grasp and the whole "reliving events to fix those points in time" actually made more since than most bullshitted time travel plots (I'M LOOKING AT YOU NINJAGO SEASON 2 EPISODE 6 WRONG PLACE, WRONG TIME. IM LOOKING DIRECTLY AT YOU) so I did really appreciate that. Also them jumping through time like they were doing especially when Donut was with Wash? FUCKING AMAZING. It was like genuinely hysterical them continuously going back to the point where he shoots Donut and Donuts like WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS??? It's great peek comedy especially when its Wash that brings them back to that moment n hes like oh fuck im so sorry its GREAT

ALSO MORE OF THE FREELANCERS !!!! I LOVE THEM!!!! I love seeing our silly guy Wash interacting with the other Freelancers. Wash and Donut in this season were literally perfect. I loved them befriending each other and being silly together. Donut and Wash adventures are honestly the best part of this season actually.

Also WASH AND CAROLINA THIS WHOLE SEASON OH MY GOD. OHHH MY GOD. They make me so insane this season watching both how they started and then how they had like their mini breakup but came back together CAROLINA CALLING HIM HER BROTHER FUUUUCKKKK ITS SO EVERYTHING TO ME MAN THEY ARE FUCKING FAMILY DAMNIT

Speaking of family DONUT FINALLY GETTING RESPECT FROM THE REDS N BLUES! HOLY SHIT!! I've always hated how sidelined Donut got cause I love him I think he's great. But like, they pretend like he's so forgettable or not even there. And having TUCKER learn his character development in this season from DONUT and him and Wash telling ppl like no assholes listen to Donut he knows what he's talking about he can lead us THAT FUCKED ME UP THAT WAS SO GOOD ILL BLOW UP

I do, however, wish that Donut had more self respect. The whole "they may hate me but theyre till my friends!" bit was kinda not great LIKE if it had come in AFTER some of the stuff between him and Wash or him n Tucker then that would be fine but idk it felt weird that Donut chose the reds n blues over Chronos in s16 finale to me like it would make more sense if he was like nah fuck BOTH yall but we still gotta save the planet for me at least and then coming around like woah wait yall do care about me? n the apologies n shit

Speaking of apologies fucking Wash being like "you are all going after him and saying youre sorry" was so funny hes such a dad

HMMMM ALSO CAROLINA'S BIT IN THE LABYRINTH!! THAT WAS ALSO SOOO GOOD not to be insane but when she talks about having people in her life and that makes her stronger the camera is specifically showing Tucker and Wash behind her and this is where I blow up I just explode I cannot cope WAH

There's like just so many good character moments like with Grif and Kai in her Labyrinth god that was so so so good. And Huggins and Grif was also the perfect of all time as always. Huggins and Grif are so good I love them.

I will say another negative admittedly was how hard Kai had it out for Tucker like when they were trying to snap him out of the time thing and out of the Labyrinth idk like I'm sure it was all for laughs but it felt like when they had their talk that things were gonna be better for them like as friends obvi not as an item since she shut that down. But then like idk it felt kinda off to me but also the whole s16 thing just made me SUPER put off on any Kai and Tucker stuff in canon material. I LOVE the idea of them being friends I used to hc Tucker being super super close w both Grif sibs and I personally still do! But the show eh idk hard to explain ig lol

the TLDR is i liked it! it wasnt perfect but it was waaaay better than s16 and i had a good time either way !

#rvb #red vs blue #toonz talks #toonz asks #ozcarma

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chris-continues · 10 months

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I think we need to take a moment to collectively think about just how rewarding it would be -- (obviously after quite a long time of getting to know each other, building trust, etc.) -- to be able to take care of Nai a little bit. Making sure HE gets to have a sense of support and importance too, and knowing him well enough to be able to give it to him with whatever touches or gestures he's best equipped to recognize and let himself accept at that time.

NOTES: it’s been awhile since I’ve written college au knives, so I definitely had some fun with this hehe >:)

TAGS: @vashfantasy @h4venpha @lune010 @millionsvash @beanibon

Oh most definitely. In my college au he’s constantly watching over Vash and is always swamped with work- having to quit extracurriculars and take up jobs in hs to support them both, helping to take care of the crummy apartment, making sure Vash was taking care of himself, it takes a toll on how you take care of yourself.

I like to imagine Nai and Vash as a sort of example to Katniss and Prim if you read THG- Katniss only takes care of herself because she needs to take care of Prim. I think Nai is kinda like that too. Not that he himself needs a lot of maintenance or upkeep lmao (considering he doesn’t need to eat or sleep) but he still has to groom himself, take care of everything regarding house payments, bills, etc.

By the time reader meets him he’s hardened by his experiences, as you’d expect. He’s very touch averse, yet starved for it (relatable), and the idea of others caring for him makes him cringe. It feels.. shaming to him. Like it invalidates the care he’s had to meticulously handle for years. Of course, it doesn’t; but that’s just how he processes it. Supporting him will start with acts of service.

“You’re always getting me snacks, and I saw this yogurt at the campus cafe and thought of you. You like blueberries, right?”

At that point in time, he’ll hesitantly take it and eat it while studying later. It’s… not half bad. Actually pretty good. Hm. He’s oftentimes carrying food on hand for Vash and you, (who he’s grown partly fond of because you make valid points and you aren’t incompetent), so having the favor returned isn’t something he ever truly put his mind to.

Or perhaps offering him a pen, something small like that. Saving a seat for him in class. Offering him music. He doesn’t accept some of these offers, in fact a lot of times he refuses, but it’s the thought that counts and he does learn to appreciate it more over time.

The first time your hands brush, he curls away with a disgruntled look on his face. Don’t take it personally, it’s just that he isn’t entirely comfortable with physical touch. Imo the only exception to this is if you’re overstimulated and need some time away or if you’re having a panic attack- in which case, for anyone Nai is doing what he can to help. It’s a rough spot he’s seen himself in, a rough spot he’s seen Vash in, and despite finding a lot of things disgustingly human he won’t shame anyone for such a thing.

If you don’t want touch during those times? Understandable. He’s the same way. But if you’re reaching out or need to grab something (ex: his sleeve, fiddle with his pen, etc) he’ll silently hand it to you.

Giving him that same support is a whole other story though, as usually he’ll push everyone away coldly. Even Vash. Leave him alone and when he’s ready, he’ll come to you.

“Hey, you ok? I was worried about you earlier.”

“Adequate.” He hummed.

He won’t apologize for pushing you away, because duh, he was in a stressful situation and him pushing you away was valid, but there’s a sense of.. maybe some closeness between you two. I think growing closer to Nai and caring for him is something that will take time, and it’s gradual, you never really know when it starts- but you’re someone he learns to.. gravitate towards, and Vice versa.

When you get really close to him, you’ll lean on one another. You have to initiate, but he’ll melt into the touch. It’s perfect because he can pull away if need be, it’s an easy thing to do without having to awkwardly position yourselves, and it’s cozy. Or linking arms while sitting down, your head against his shoulder. He finds the weight to not be too suffocating and it fuels his touch starved self just a bit. It’s comfortable. You have to ask often, and he appreciates it.

“Can I lean on you again?”

“Mm.” (Yes)

Frame it as a favor to him. Initiate. He doesn’t wanna ask for it himself. Once he grows more comfortable he’ll allow himself to accept your affections more, craving your touch. It’s something that is a very long term struggle, but he’s handling it well.

This could apply to being in a QPR, close friendship, or a romantic relationship w him imo!!

#trigun #chris writes #trigun stampede #millions knives #knives millions #knives x you #millions knives x reader #millions knives x you #Nai saverem #college au knives #college au #trigun college au #tristamp #fanfic #drabble #knives x reader

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itsclydebitches · 1 year

Text

I'm just adding my voice to the growing choir but yeah, I don't think Trent is going to out Collin:

It would be an extreme moment of regression. I mean, this guy gave up decades of high-profile journalism due to his distaste for how the job was making him compromise his ethics. He's not gonna just turn around and out a player after that.

(Headcanon-y side-note, but Trent is HEAVILY queer coded and based on my personal readings of his character he's someone who would not just respect Collin, but understand him.)

I've been noticing that each episode has a small "Don't print that" moment where Trent seems legitimately open to keeping the club's personal secrets. The ones that, frankly, have no bearing on football and thus the public has no right to them (changing manicurists, diarrhea, etc.) None of these scenes have implied that he's merely humoring his worried friends and planning to air all the dirty laundry when they're least expecting it. A player kissing another man in an alley on their night off absolutely counts as 'Personal and none of the book's business.'

Outside of the book, how would Trent publish this? He doesn't seem to be doing freelance. It's possible he could pass the tip off to someone else, but we haven't seen any journalist buddies he's friendly with and giving that to a stranger (from the audience's perspective) would feel like even more of a betrayal. You're not just outing him, but using someone who we can't trust to spin the story in an empathetic light, as Trent did with Ted's panic attacks?

Trent doesn't snap a photo of them, despite having the time to get one (they're oblivious). He doesn't write anything in his notebook. He doesn't interrupt and hound them for a quote like he might have in season 1-2. He just walks off, looking contemplative/a bit worried.

So I don't think Trent is going to out Collin, but I do think he might try and do something about it. Meaning, this episode has shown that Collin is, well... pretty bad at keeping his sexuality a secret. He's sneaking out of his boyfriend's house, trying not to draw attention to himself, but then he hits a whole bunch of trash cans while leaving. I got a huge spike of anxiety when he looked at his phone with the other guys standing right there, given that a selfie, kissy emoji, and "thirst" are all pretty damning texts. He's obviously kissing right next to the main road, just a street or so down from where half the club is eating dinner, in a remarkably lit area. And though he tries to deflect a lot - fine he's gay for Zava too, this is my wingman, story about trying to seduce women - it comes across as trying too hard to anyone who's paying attention. Because, you know, Collin is trying very hard, despite his missteps.

The point is that Collin is constantly on the cusp of being outed. If the story doesn't have that happen next episode (that would put a damper on Richmond's win streak) I think Trent is going to step in somehow in an effort to provide damage control - or at least try to, even if he winds up being too late. The use of "Everybody Knows," while obviously a pertinent title, is also a list of how all these awful things have already come to pass - "That's how it goes" - and contains such gems as,

"Everybody knows you've been discreet But there were so many people you just had to meet Without your clothes Everybody knows"

(The context here is cheating, but for a background snippet of a song I think the general vibe of bad things + lovers + not being discreet wins out.)

So Trent may try to step in, even if it comes to naught. After all, if he spotted them it's only a matter of time until someone else does too. Collin is lucky it was Trent who saw them and not someone else.

Cue the emphasis on how much he's changed as a journalist (Collin wouldn't have been lucky a year ago), viewers get a cool new relationship between characters who haven't interacted yet, as well as the canonizing of Trent as a queer man without giving him a coming out story because frankly a 50ish character doesn't (necessarily) need that. He's already got the "vibe" 🌈😎

#Ted Lasso #Ted Lasso spoilers #Trent Crimm #long post #for the record I have complete faith in this show not to fuck this up #WITH THE CAVEAT #that the Sam/Rebecca situation has always made me go '?????'#like that's the one time Ted Lasso has induced a 'Hey wtf' response #and I remain hopeful that it was a one time thing

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tonberry-yoda · 2 years

Note

If you’re up for another alphabet, how about the white haired menace Gojo? 😆 His partner will be craving peace forever ♾

Oh boy, another alphabet lol. But no, I really do love making these, but they do take a super long time. Thank you so much for requesting, anon! <33

Fluff Alphabet with Satoru Gojo

Pairing - Satoru Gojo x reader

Warnings - none!

Word Count - 2,835

Notes - inspired by this post. I LOVE GOJO omg. This was so much fun to write, thank you so much for the request, anon and I hope I didn't mess it up! <3

have a great day/night everyone and don't forget to stay hydrated!! <3333

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

I think Gojo would love to just chill around the house. That or go on spontaneous little trips. It really depends with this little rat.

One day, he would just like to chill with you at home, eating food and watching cheesy movies, while the next, he'll be pulling the sheets off of you at two in the morning saying how he wants to go on a road trip.

And if you're a sorcerer, he would absolutly love training with you, even if it is just to brag about how strong he is.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Gojo would love your voice. He's a super talkative guy, so when you get to talking, especially a lot, he would absolutely melt.

He would also love the way you present yourself. Just how you walk around with him or even alone, he's just obsessed.

And because it's Gojo, he would obviously love how much you love him. He can't get over the way you pet his hair or tell him how beautiful his eyes are. He turns into a little puppy.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Cuddles.

You cannot tell me that this man's love language isn't physical touch. He knows that if you're having a bad day, the best way he can think to cheer you up is pulling you into his long arms, running his fingers through your hair and waiting for you to tell him what's up.

He's not the best at cheering someone up through words, so he'll usually just listen to you and then take you to get some food or something. Because let's be real, food helps with everything.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Gojo could never see himself growing apart from you. He definitely wants a pet of some sort and knows that he wants to live with you forever, even if marriage isn't in the equation. He always does see you being a major part of his life though.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Gojo acts like the dominant one, but it's most definitely you. I mean, you would have to order for him at McDonalds, let's be real.

But other than that, the relationship is pretty equal. Gojo doesn't see himself better than you in any certain aspect except for strength and because of that, he becomes dominant whenever he feels like he needs to protect you. So if there is a situation where you need help or are in a lot of danger, his goody act disappears and he will go into complete serious mode to save your life.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

This man is such a baby. If the two of you get into a fight, he will get super pouty (if you've seen Haikyuu when Bokuto goes into emo mode, it's a lot like that). He will cross his arms and pout at you, saying that he's waiting for an apology. He also always thinks he's right for some flipping reason, so he is like an impossible toddler.

He would be awful at forgiving. And apologizing. It would always end with "I guess". You would have to step up as the mature one and try to figure stuff out, but Gojo, being the baby he is, would make it pretty impossible.

Arguments wouldn't last long though. They always last like a day of some pouting and then he gets mad that you aren't hugging him, so it always ends with a really long cuddle session on the couch.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Gojo loves you more than anything, but I don't think he notices some things you do for him most of the time.

You'll take care of him after a long day by healing him up if he got injured and giving him a bath, but he doesn't really notice it until it dawns on him and he goes through this whole crush on you phase all over again.

After that, he is so thankful that your his and vise versa.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

This man overshares. He will tell you his whole day inside and out, but he will not bring up the past (I haven't read the manga, so I don't really know about his past, but I know it's pretty spicy I think???). He doesn't even drops hints. He'll just tell you his entire day and that's it. You don't know about his past before he met you.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

I think Gojo taught you how to be more laid back. You were always so serious and working, but he brought you out of it, that smile, that laugh, he was such a goofball that it was contagious, and for that you are thankful.

I don't think he changed all that much when he met you, but I think you may have helped him be a little bit more mature, but let's be real, you just speak for the man baby now. But you love him more than the world, so it doesn't matter.

You did make him happier though. Much happier. He couldn't imagine a life without you.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

In his heart, he thinks that he is a very composed guy when it comes to that kind of stuff, but he definitely isn't. The man will lose it when he sees you talking to another dude.

I think, back to the pouty thing, he would get really upset. He would ask what you were doing with that dude, and it doesn't matter what answer you give, he still get's a little misty eyed with his bottom lip poking out and quivering.

And if he saw you talking to another sorcerer who could protect you, for example, Nanami, he would just be pissed at that point. It's one thing if it's just a dude, but someone who has the capacity to protect you when that's his job? He hates it. He wants to be the only one who can protect you, no one else should even think that they could. Which leads him to get jealous when he sees someone help you fight. It really gets under his skin.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

*breathes heavily* *slams hands on the table*

Gojo is the best kisser in the world. Change my mind.

Have you seen his lips in the anime?! So... glossy. Like gurl, lemme have a smooch.

The way that his lips just brush against yours. I am going feral rn.

But he would be hot on purpose. I mean, he is a menace.

He would either bring his lips only inches from yours or inches away from your ear, letting his warm breath brush against you and you finally bring your lips to his as his tongue slowly slides in, making you absolutely melt.

I need to move on before I absolutely lose my mind oml.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

He would just say it.

To your face.

Simply.

"Hey," Gojo stopped, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm like... in love with you... I think?" You froze, turning to him. "Wh-What? You can't just drop that on someone, Satoru." "I'm serious though!" Gojo put his arms up in defense and you just giggled, grabbing his hand to continue your walk.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

I'm going to be honest, I don't think Gojo would think about marriage. He knows he wants you in his life forever, but he won't consider marriage until you bring it up. Then he's all over the idea. He would want a big cheesy wedding with all of his friends and just make it so over the top and goofy, but he would just be crying the whole time the moment he sees you walk the aisle. Would 100% shove the cake in your face.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

This buttface would have the goofiest nicknames for you. Goober, cupcake, four eyes (if you wear glasses), red or ginger (if you have red hair), goldilocks (if you have blonde hair), doofus, dork, cutie pie, cutie patooty, etc. He's a menace and you definitely have more than one nickname.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Absolutely over the moon for you. He would constantly wrap his arms around you, pulling you in for a hug.

It is way too obvious for others. They see the way he looks at you, even if you're just sitting and doing work.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

This man is not shy to kiss you in front of 200+ people. He will tell everyone and everything about his relationship. He never fails to mention you in conversation. He definitely brags about you saying how cute you are or smart you are or strong you are.

If anything, a crowd makes him want to kiss you more, showing everyone that you two are together and you are not up for grabs.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

The best cuddles and best attitude. He also knows just how to cheer you up.

He will cuddle you after a super long day, immediately making that tension in your neck vanish. Then he'll take you out for food.

His positive attitude can always help whenever you're down and he is always the guy you want to see first thing when you wake up in the morning or get back from work.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

HE IS SO CHEESY.

Gosh, this was a really long time ago I either wrote something or just came up with something that he would have that stupid trail of rose petals leading to the room to find him in his boxers and a pair of thigh highs as he does the eyebrow raise and the "been waitin for you to get home".

He would buy you chocolate and take you out places (nothing fancy though). He would rather go bowling as a date than to a fancy restaurant (which, like, same). So he is super romantic in a cheesy way whilst being creative, which makes going out with him the best time.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

I think you are both very separate when it comes to goals. You are okay with doing your own thing and he's fine with doing his. If anything, it's better that way.

But he'll ask how it's been going and he'll be super supportive. He will never step in though. He doesn't want to ruin your momentum, he'll just leave you alone and watch from a distance with a big smile on his face.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

This relationship is dependent on the craziest things. Skydiving? Yes. Trips to different countries? Yes. Going to theater shows"? Absolutely.

There is never really a routine unless they have work, but even then, he'll find a way to surprise you with something new. He loves spontaneous things and it's even better to try them with the person he loves most.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Sure, Gojo may be good at cheering you up, but emotions? Nah. This man cannot get a hold of what you could be feeling. It's confusing to him. He doesn't want to mess anything up, so if it's super serious, the most he can provide is a pat on the back and a big hug. He is still trying to learn what you could be feeling at certain times, and it's hard for him to deal with you when you are super down because he is happy and optimistic most of the time.

And I think that his emotions can be heavily based on yours, so when you're down, he's down.

And if you are someone who has a period, good luck trying to explain that to him.

He is trying though. He is more than willing to learn and will be very loving about it, my sweet little rat.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Gojo did not realize how much he needed you before you showed how much you needed him. He needs you in order to keep his life happy and rolling. He didn't realize that without you, he literally can't operate.

You went on a trip to visit your family one time and his whole world felt empty. He couldn't get his day ready because he was so used to you being there. It's not like you were doing everything for him, but the little you did provide made a big difference in his life.

He values you more than life itself and will take 20 bullets to protect you and keep you in his life.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon. (in my case, a mini fic)

"Oh god," you cringed with a little giggle. "I could not watch that movie. It's so stupid." "Really?!" Gojo nearly knocked his drink over with his goofy, over the top, hand motions. "Yeah," you stirred the food in the pan and turned over to Gojo, who was standing at the counter. "It's so bad." "It's not that bad." "It's pretty bad." "You're so stinky." "Says you."

Gojo walked up to you, pressing a kiss on your nose. You turned back to the food you were cooking as Gojo watched from behind, his arms wrapped around your waist. He could fall asleep on you like that.

"I love you, y/n." "It's rare that I hear you say my name. I'm used to stupid nicknames." "Yeah, well I like saying your name." You turned back to Gojo, your lips only centimeters apart from his. "Then you should say it more often." He pressed his lips to yours, never wanting to pull away.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

YES!

This man cannot keep his hands off of you. There is always a moment when the two of you are together that he has his hand on your hip or around your shoulder. I don't ever see him without his hand at least touching your hand or something.

He loves kisses and cuddles and just having his body pressed to yours. It helps him sleep at night and that's what he loves the most.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He will cry. I just see it.

As I said earlier, he can't sleep without you cuddling him, so that would be the hardest thing for him. He needs your weight on the bed. You offered to get him a weighted blanket, but it's just not the same.

The whole world feels empty when you're gone and it's kind of hard for him to handle. Oh what a sweetheart.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Gojo will do ANYTHING for you. When he realizes how much he needs you, he will do anything. He will protect you, he will use his strength. He will even let you go if he needs to. As long as you're still in his life. He needs to know that you'll still be there with him. Even if you have to break up, he will do anything to keep you happy. He needs to see that smile.

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raccoon-eyed-rebel · 1 year

Text

Part 24 - Sy

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Part 23 -- Part 25

Pairing: Sy x trans!ofc (Alicia)

Summary: The guys throw a New Years Eve party at 179th Crescent Street...

Warnings: SMUT, NSFW, 18+, MINORS DNI, oral (m and f receiving), anal fingering (m receiving), an interesting case (if I do say so myself) of phone-moaning (look it up if you have to). Brief mention of transphobic parents and mention of (child) abuse.

ETA: PLEASE, if I missed any tags/warnings, let me know. (Always let me know, but let me know for this one in particular. It's way more likely I accidentally missed something that can be triggering for someone here.)

Word count: 3.6k

A/N: I'm on the verge of having a panic attack over posting this. Not because I think it's bad - I personally love this chapter - but because Sy is such a crowd favorite and I'm a little nervous about how this will be received. Also: Liz is the first trans character I've written at this point. So much research went into this, which is part of why I struggled with writing this so much. We're still horny on main, though, as always.

It's obviously a first for Sy, too, and he says some stupid shit - he also really likes this girl, which doesn't help with foot-in-mouth-disease, obviously. Bear with him, please.

@deandoesthingstome @geralts-yenn @summersong69 @peaches1958 @fvckinghenrycavill @keanureevesisbae @livisss @sillyrabbit81 @ellethespaceunicorn @ylva-syverson @poledancingdinos

Charles punched a guy. We’d all love to get through a night out - or in, apparently - without something like that happening, but it doesn’t seem to be in the cards for us. That said, I think he was right to do it, and if I’d been within arms reach of the guy, he’d have had me to deal with, too. Harassing Dani was wrong, but to do it right in front of our eyes… That’s just plain stupid. When everyone’s back to their business, I turn back to Alicia and watch her as she takes a sip of her beer.

“What?” she asks.

“Nothing,” I say. I huff quietly when I hear myself speak. Little too much emphasis on that ‘g’ at the end. I’m hiding my accent. I like this girl.

I first noticed it when I talked to Mike after the chaotic house meeting from a few days ago. I say ‘chaotic’, but it wasn’t exactly out of the ordinary for us. It’s not our fault! Who puts eight guys our age in a house and calls it a day? Anyway, he told me one of Dani’s roommates wanted to find out if Dani had been lying about my… Let’s go with ‘skills’. Apparently, the review was pretty good. Now, I’ve seen Sloane. She’s on the hockey team, and I normally wouldn’t dream of passing up an opportunity like that, but I just… Couldn’t care less, to be honest. And then Liz texted me and Mike caught me grinning at my phone like an idiot. Which he pointed out while also grinning like an idiot. And now here we are.

“Say that again,” she teases. Fuck, I’m busted. How about I don’t answer her, and just shake my head instead? Will that work? “I like the way you talk, Sy.”

There’s a hint of a drawl to her voice. It’s definitely subtle, but it’s there. At first I wonder if she’s messing with me, but when she asks where I’m from, I have my answer. She’s not mocking me, she’s from Georgia. Which my stepfather would say is even worse, but I stopped listening to him right around the time I turned six. The longer we talk, the clearer her accent becomes. Makes me wonder when she lost it. And why. Takes me a while longer than I care to admit to ask her that…

“My aunt from New York took me in when I was twelve,” she answers. “Parents kicked me out for… You know… What about you? What made you move away?” It doesn’t bother me that she doesn’t finish her sentence, because I have a perfectly good idea of what she would have said if she had. I feel like everybody would have known. When Mikey found out Liz and I were texting, he asked me if I knew. I told him I did. Then he asked me if I cared, and I told him I didn’t. I meant what I said.

“The short version is that I tried to hit ma’s scumbag boyfriend back, hit ma instead. Can’t come home unless I apologize to him. Which I ain’t gonna do.”

“Ouch, you win. More beer?” She’s on her way to the kitchen before I can even answer.

Now that I’ve got nothing else to do, I look around the room. Charles has disappeared - probably with Sloane - and Leon is still chatting up Ariel, Dani’s other roommate. They seem to know each other, which means she might be the same Ariel he always competes with to be first in his class. Marshall is up to something that involves Vivienne Chase. I know the type. We all do. I know Marshall has referred to her as a ‘puck bunny’ before. He seemed pretty annoyed by her at the time. Guess that’s over now. I don’t know what’s been bugging him, but it can’t be good. I reckon there’s an eighty percent chance that this ain’t the way to solve it, either, but it’s none of my business, and I’m gonna treat it that way.

Alicia and I play a few more rounds of horrible childhood bingo, until people around us start counting down. It’s a countdown to a first kiss I’m shockingly nervous about. Luckily, she’s braver than I am, putting her bottle down while reaching for mine. Then, when that’s put to the side as well, pulling me closer to her by hooking her fingers into the pockets of my jeans. I expected to not have to lower my head: she’s nearly six feet tall. What I didn’t expect was that I’d be looking up slightly. She’s wearing heels, too, fucking hell. It takes everything I’ve got to keep with a certain level of decency. Yes, practically everyone in this room is doing the same thing I am, but that don’t mean… Alright, she doesn't seem to care about propriety half as much as I do.

“I’ve got a perfectly nice room upstairs, with a lot less prying eyes.” Why am I not surprised she’s coming with me?

Goddamn, this girl can kiss. I’m already dizzy, and something just tells me I ain’t seen nothing yet. The way she’s clawing at my back makes me think she likes it rough. I don’t mind it one bit: I ain’t exactly built to be gentle. She moans loudly when I pin her against the door. Her dress was already creeping up her thighs when I walked her upstairs, but is now only inches away from exposing that gorgeous ass completely - I didn’t let her go first on the stairs for no goddamn reason, and now that we’re in private, whatever fabric stands between me and that ass is frustrating me to no end.

“Hm, eager,” she chuckles as my hands push her dress up further. I groan as she makes a point of grinding her hips against mine.

“Well, you’re a hot piece of ass, so…” She laughs when I pull her away from the door, towards my bed.

That dress comes off easily, but not before she pulls my shirt over my head. That look in her eyes as they glide over my chest, the way she takes her bottom lip in between her teeth… This chick is driving me fucking nuts. I enjoy the way she looks at me for a while too long, apparently, because she reaches behind her back to undo her bra and tosses it aside. Now it’s my turn to stare and her turn to revel in the attention. ‘Great tits.’ That’s it. That’s the only thought I have. Anything else, my brain just refuses to process - like the ringing of her phone, which I hear faintly in the background somewhere. The only reason I know I’m not making it up, is because I watch her pull it out of the purse she dropped next to my bed, and hang up on whoever is on the other end. Other than that faint notion, that rack is really my whole world right now. Fucking magnetic. I mean it. It’s as if gravity in this room has somehow shifted, and everything is now pulled towards her chest. Alright, maybe not everything, but God knows I am, for sure.

The few quick kisses on her neck are out of a kind of twisted courtesy - pure pretense, to separate myself from a fucking caveman by a hair or two. As much as I hate to admit it, all I really want right now is to get more closely acquainted with these boobs. They’re far from the biggest I’ve ever seen. I wouldn’t say they’re the nicest, either - although they’re definitely up there. But, damn, I’d be lying if I said there had ever been a pair I’d been more curious about. I have a strong feeling she won’t appreciate it if I say something about that, but unfortunately there just ain’t enough blood going to my brain right now for me to think straight…

“Can’t believe these are fake.” Once I realize what I’ve said, I look up at her like a deer in headlights.

“No worries, you’re good,” Alicia laughs when she sees my face. “I mean… They are fake.”

“How ‘bout I just try ‘n’ keep quiet from now on?” It’s gonna be tough, but I wouldn’t forgive myself if I accidentally say something really stupid and ruin this.

“Oh no. They say you’ve got a dirty mouth. I wanna hear it.” That’s all good ‘n' well, but I’m gonna keep my mouth otherwise occupied for the time being. I sincerely hope she won’t mind.

My nerves about saying something stupid end up on the back burner when her phone rings again. I fucking hope it's a protective friend or something.

"Jesus, who keeps callin' ya?" This is the third time in ten minutes. I gave it a pass the first two, but now… Why doesn’t she turn the damn thing off?

"My ex," she groans. Not what a man wants to hear, honestly. The phone stops buzzing for a minute, and then it picks up right where it left off with call number four. The good news is that she seems as annoyed as I am. The bad news is that continuous phone calls from the ex of the girl you're trying to nail are a really effective boner killer. Liz sighs and hangs up again, while I give up on trying to ignore this issue.

"Bad breakup?" I ask lightly, barely taking my lips off her skin. I'm fixing to get as much quality time with these tits as I possibly can, ex be damned.

"The worst," she groans. "She cheated." There's two words in that sentence, and I have no clue which one confuses me more.

"Cheated? On you? Now that's just stupid." She laughs in reply - a sound that turns into a moan when I bite down on her nipple.

I’m a little disappointed when one of her hands reaches for my chin and pulls me back up. I was having a great time! Must’ve looked sad, too, because she laughs and looks at me with feigned pity in her eyes before kissing me. I wonder if that’s the only great way she has to cheer me up… My hands continue their exploration. It’s almost impossible to move on from her boobs, but I eventually make it further down, and my hand finds its way between her legs. Hm.

"Sy," Liz has clearly picked up on my… surprise? Is that the right word? It's a good thing there’s a hint of a chuckle to her voice, because I'm just confused at this point.

"Yeah?"

"This vagina was brought to you by the wonders of modern medicine. Doesn't get as wet as you’re probably used to." That actually explains a lot - and nowhere near enough. It sounds like lube would fix most of that problem, and I have some, so we’re good there. Thing is: it tastes horrible. Luckily, Liz manages to solve my dilemma before my indecisiveness really gets to me.

“I’ve heard too many good things about that allegedly incredible head game of yours,” she says coyly. I chuckle as a grin spreads on my face. Knowing her expectations are high should probably make me more nervous than I already am, but it doesn’t. I know what the girls I’ve been with say about me, and I take pride in that particular skill. Does that make me a cocky jerk sometimes? Absolutely. They don’t seem to care when they’re screaming my name, so why should I?

I kiss my way down Alicia’s body. Slowly. I may be impatient but I enjoy teasing ‘em a little too much to skip that part… She clearly disagrees, trying everything in her power to push me down faster. It’s cute, and it makes me laugh.

“Ain’t gonna work, sugar,” I say in between kisses pressed to her stomach. “The more you try, the longer I’m gonna drag this out. Be good for me, okay?” She agrees - reluctantly - meaning I can continue my journey south.

Not being able to use my hands is going to be a challenge. One I’ll gladly accept, that’s for sure, but a challenge nonetheless. It takes me a minute to find something she likes. Thank God she’s not shy! Actually, she’s pretty loud, which is fantastic. I love a woman who just offers up the intel on what she likes unprompted. Makes me look like I know what I’m doing, because… well… I’ll know what I’m doing. She’s all moans and whimpers and ‘right there’-s and breaths hitching as my fingertips dig into her hips. Her hand is on the back of my head, pulling me closer to her… I can’t wipe this smug grin off my face - she’s gonna cum in no time.

Fuck! That goddamn phone again! I stop what I’m doing, raise myself up on my elbows and look at Liz.

“Pick up the phone,” I growl. I’m done with this bullshit.

“What?” Liz asks me, slightly dazed. I understand her confusion, but I’m seriously over this.

“Pick up the goddamn phone,” I repeat. My grin widens as I watch Alicia accept the call and put the phone to her ear.

“Kelly. Hi," she says. She’s clearly not happy to even speak to her. Doesn’t matter. I’m gonna try my best to make this the best phone call they ever had. I can’t help but chuckle as my mouth finds its way back to where it was a minute ago, and goes right back to doing exactly what it was doing before we were so rudely interrupted. When I look up, Alicia stares back at me, eyes wide with shock, begging me… to keep going.

“Eh, no. I - ah - I’m not home.” She’s trying hard to keep her voice steady, I’m trying hard to break her. Neither of us have it easy right now. And ultimately we’re both still playing for the same side.

“Why do you even give a - fuck!” Honestly? Nice timing. Kelly’s voice - which I can barely make out from where I am - starts to sound more agitated. Apparently, the answer to that question is a long one, because Kelly keeps talking for a while. That gives me just the right amount of time to really drive Liz nuts.

“It’s literally - hng - none of your business - hmm - what I’m doing,” Liz suddenly snaps. “Or who I’m doing.” I almost choke on my own spit when she adds that last bit.

“Because we broke up, remember? Jesus.” There’s no way she can last long now.

“Kelly, seriously, stop bothering m-oh my god, Sy!” It’s a good thing she can’t see my face, because I’m grinning like crazy.

“That was fun,” I tease when I lie down next to her again. “Turn that thing off.”

“I doubt she’ll be calling back,” Alicia says, but she turns her phone off anyway before turning to me. “You really are as good as they say.”

It’s a reputation I never asked for, but I can’t say I mind having it. And I certainly don’t mind honing my craft, so to speak. Besides… most girls are willing to trade good head for good head - in my personal experience, at least. I can't complain about that.

Her fingers leave goosebumps on my skin wherever they move - and they move absolutely everywhere but the place I actually want them in, while she kisses me fiercely. It’s far too easy to lose myself in her touch, especially when she finally does go where I need her most.

I’m prepared for the soft gasp I hear when she wraps her fingers around my cock - anything else there is to notice gets lost in the sensation of her lips all over my chest and abs as she makes her way down. Her tongue feels amazing as she slowly swirls it around the tip of my cock before taking me all the way down with no issues.

I'm staring. I know I am, and I don't give a damn. It's been a while since I've been this impressed with a girl's skills. Fuck me, she's good. Her eyes are on me the whole time she's down there, slobbering all over my dick - pardon my French - and I'm in absolute heaven. Until…

"Whoa!" Those fingers are headed directly where no man - or woman, for that matter - has gone before. Not on me, at least.

"What's the problem, Sy?"

I curse softly under my breath and pray Geralt isn't listening in. "I'd say somethin' along the lines of me not bein' used to a girl tryin'a stick a finger up my ass," I mumble. Judging from the grin on her face, she heard perfectly. She slowly climbs up until she's lying next to me again.

"I strongly recommend that you give it a try," she says in a sultry tone, with eyes that put 98 percent of pornstars to shame.

"Normally I'd ask ya why I should trust a girl on this," I sigh, "but I reckon you would know…"

"First-hand experience," she replies. I don't know what it is, but something about this is intriguing.

"Is it good?" I ask carefully. I'm not saying I will… just that… I might.

"Like you wouldn't believe," she purrs in my ear. That's it, I'm blaming her. It's her. She is impossible to resist.

"Alright, I'll bite," I say, and I can't believe my own ears. "I'll try it." She's made me fucking curious. Dammit. Oh well. If I don't like it, I don't ever gotta do it again, right?

"Told ya," she grins. I'm still dizzy. That was hands down the best fucking orgasm of my entire life. Fucking hell. And there she is: smug smirk firm on her face, and soft lips torturing my earlobe.

"Gimme a break, sugar," I moan softly as I gently pull her head away from my face by her hair. She seems to like that.

"That good, huh?" Yeah, yeah, missy, you're awfully proud of yourself. Well… she's not wrong. It really was that good.

"Yeah," I sigh. "But why not go for the… more traditional…" What I want to know is why she didn't…

"You want to know why I didn't let you stick me." That would be one way of putting it, yes.

She takes a deep breath and looks at me.

“Cards on the table, Sy: There’s no way you’re gonna fit,” she says. Are my eyes deceiving me or does she look embarrassed by that?

“Alright, that explains that,” I say, pulling her into a hug.

“You’re not disappointed?” she asks, her voice as full of disbelief as the expression on her face. I shrug. Of course not! Why would I be?

“Nah.” It’s the truth, however hard that may be for her to believe. It’s not even the first time this has happened. You never know what the reaction is going to be when girls first find out what you’re blessed with. At this point, I’ve seen everything from nerves to sheer terror to excitement - sometimes on the same face, within the same minute. This ain’t nothing new to me. But it bothers her. And it bothers me that it bothers her.

“Hey,” I say as I put a finger under her chin and make her look at me, “I’m okay with it if we don’t have sex.” That’s not what I should have said, but I hope she doesn’t jump on it…

“We are having sex,” she says, one eyebrow raised. Fuck.

“Yeah… I know that. Sherlock pointed that out a few days ago, I’m just… I’m still… adjusting my vocabulary.” The grin on her face spreads slowly while I scramble for words, and I glare at her.

“I’m sorry, Sy, I shouldn’t be teasing you like this,” she laughs.

“No,” I reply, “you shouldn’t. You’ll have to make it up to me.”

“Well, there’s always anal,” she says. There’s no way she doesn’t actually hear the record-scratch in my brain. That whole thing came out a little too point-blank for her to be joking. I think. At the same time, I’m not even sure she said what I think she said. I have to have made that up, right? There’s no way…

“What?” I blurt out. And lo and behold: She repeats herself. There it is again. ‘There’s always anal.’ She really said that. Alright.

“Hold on… Your pussy can’t handle me, but your ass can?” I don’t mean to sound as surprised - or crude - as I do, but I can’t help it. This is very… counterintuitive to me. To say the least.

“The downside of designer pussy is that it doesn’t really… stretch easily,” she says softly. I can’t stop myself from letting out a chuckle when she says ‘designer pussy’ - two words I’d probably never expected to hear that close to one another.

“Hey, I’m not opposed to the idea,” I say. It would be another first for me. Definitely something I wouldn’t mind crossing off the list. But not tonight. Not after that blowjob - that's what we're gonna call it for now, I'm still getting comfortable with that other thing that happened. Not after that orgasm. Not after all those beers. She seems to understand perfectly.

"Do you want me to leave?" she asks. I look at her, completely confused.

"Literally not even one bit, darlin'. You're stayin' right here."

#179cs #179 crescent street #henry cavill characters #henrycavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #syverson #captain syverson #syverson x ofc #syverson fanfiction #captain syverson fanfiction #syverson smut #syverson x trans!ofc

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thaliasandy · 1 year

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[Jason is the bad guy in this headcanon (as he is on the show in my opinion) so please scroll on if you think he's a pure little cinnamon bun.]

Max didn't know what happened in those hours but she saw Chrissy Cunningham and Eddie Munson enter his trailer looking flirty as hell and they looked even more like a love sick couple when the cheerleader sneakily left at dusk, they even shared a kiss on his porch, which Max had only noticed because her nighmares kept her up pretty much all night.

What she knew for sure though was that she wouldn't watch Jason Carver berate his girlfriend, in a hushed tone, trying not to catch anyones attention, while grasping her upper arm in a grip so tight it would surely leave a nasty bruise.

The couple stood close enough to Max' locker for her to hear him mention how his friend saw her leaving the Forrest Hills trailer park.

"What the hell were you doing there, Chrissy? I know that freak lives there. I've seen you looking at him... Did you fuck him?"

Chrissy looked like she was about to cry.

"You're hurting me! I...I didn't do anything, I swear!"

"Then tell me what you were doing there, right now!" He demanded, backing her into the wall.

"Hey Chrissy!" Max excitedly shouted as she squeezed herself inbetween them, making Jason take his hand off Chrissy's arm.

"Just play along" she whispered into the visibly shaken older girls ear as she hugged her.

"You forgot your notebook at my place last night."

Max has never been happier about keeping that extremely glittery pink notebook (that her mom bought for her from a clearance shelf) in her locker, because it's the most "girly" looking thing she owns and made her plan to get Chrissy out of this situation a little more believable.

She shoved the notebook into Chrissy's hands.

"I really need help with this project I'm working on, do you mind if I steal your girlfriend for a moment?"

He looked angrily at Max before glaring back at Chrissy.

"You were tutoring her?"

"...Yeah babe, that's what I was trying to tell you."

She used her sweetest voice and put on her fakest smile and he seemed to believe it for the time being.

"I'll talk to you later Jason, okay...?"

"Alright."

He was very obviously still angry but before he could say something else Max took Chrissy's still shaking hand and pulled her along until they were out of Jason's sight.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah...Thank you...why did you help me?"

"No problem. Your boyfriend seems like a jerk...well and...this is going to sound so weird but I know you were with Eddie last night..."

Chrissy's eyes widened, a gasp leaving her lips.

"He was just helping me with something!" Chrissy tried to defend herself.

"That's none of my business, I just live next door to him and saw you."

"YOU SAW US?!" The panicked tone of her voice and the sudden blush spreading on her face told Max the chaste kiss she'd witnessed might not have been all that happened.

"No! I just saw you leave his trailer this morning...but you might want to make sure you're not alone with Jason when he finds out about...whatever is really going on between you and Eddie."

Chrissy knew there was no point in denying it anymore now.

She felt tears form in her eyes.

"What do I do now? He can't find out! I have to warn Eddie!"

Max tried to calm down the crying cheerleader by placing a gentle hand on her back.

"Come on, my friends probably know where he is..."

"Your friends?"

"Yeah, theyre playing Dungeons and Dragons together; Dustin, Mike, and Lucas."

"Lucas Sinclair? No! He's Jason's friend!"

She looked like she was seconds away from having a panic attack.

"Shhh don't worry, he's not going to tell him anything. But if it makes you feel safer we'll just ask Dustin, alright?"

Chrissy knew who he was, Eddie almost beat up Jason right there in the cafeteria a couple of months ago for making fun of Dustin.

She nodded, wiping at the corners of her eyes with the sleeve of her white jacket, careful not to smudge her make up, before she followed the younger girl.

#hellcheer #eddissy #chrissy x eddie #chrissy cunningham #eddie munson #headcanon #chrissy/max friendship #max mayfield

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remidyal · 3 months

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character ask game for adaine: 8, 12, 22, and freebie: do you have any scraps/ideas for jawbone's pov (seeing or hearing about, where applicable) of adaine's various deaths/generally super reckless choices (i.e., allowing herself to get kidnapped by the nation who's stated purpose is to kill her)? he's so chill with the kids but i know she's giving him gray hair

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Hmm, I don't know that there really IS anything. I've seen a couple other people answer this question that the fandom tends to file her rough edges off - she's got a lot of ANGER as well as the anxiety, obviously - but I actually think a lot of stories do get that right. (Mine tend to vary on this depending on the AU and situation - something like Pact or even Missing she's MOSTLY anger and impulse over anxiety)

Take this one with a grain of salt, then, because I firmly believe in people doing what they want and reinterpreting characters as you choose and all but I do like Adaine's design better without glasses and think she only gets them in so much art because other than that she's the bad kid with the strongest physical resemblance to her player.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

By the time of junior year, she's gone all the way from the girl having a panic attack after borderline accidentally killing the lunch lady to being the Bad Kid least bothered by the amount of murdering people they do, even more than Riz. In part I think this is a coping mechanism, but in part I think it's just that she gets so many glimpses of extra futures in which they either have killed a bunch of people or all died horrible deaths and so she's become just a little bit too jaded about it.

Also, this is maybe not character-specific but wizards at large, but the better wizards we see in the series (Adaine, Ayda, Arthur, and Aelwyn, specifically) all leap to violence at a rate not matched by that many others - even among the bad kids, it's really only Riz who's going to go with violence as the answer as rapidly as Adaine does a lot of the time.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

Oooh. I mean, for likes obviously any sort of at least sort-of happy family time, Adaine and Aelwyn bantering in a not totally hostile way, but that's as much about Aelwyn or Jawbone as it is Adaine. I'm a big fan of when she does have that moment where she throws careful plans out the window and starts smashing or stabbing things. I'm also an absolute sucker for a well done prophecy or vision arc - there are limits in an actual play on how far you can go with this that a planned story can blast beyond.

Similar to my answer to number 8 above, there's not that much that I don't like that I see in a ton of fic that's character specific! It's fun reading other people interpreting the character. Even though I'm pretty on board with aroace Adaine, an in character sort of romance can be fun to read if it's in the context of a plot I'd otherwise enjoy.

For the freebie question, I don't know that I have any scraps but this is definitely something I think about. I've written about it a little bit in Bunk at least - Adaine and Riz' had their deaths livestreamed out to the world in the nightmare king fight, and while I've not written that moment out directly I've touched on it a few times. He's absolutely not going to bring it up to her, because it's her choice to be an adventurer and he wants to be supportive, I think, but he definitely worries. It could be fun to do one from his point of view during the Hot Night Yorb Summer, actually, though it'd have a lot of overlap with my Aelwyn piece from the same timeframe.

Thanks for the ask! Ask me more from this list, anyone who wants to!

#adaine abernant #jawbone o'shaughnessey #dimension 20 #ask box

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tired-biscuit · 7 months

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have you seen those fright night scare actors???? something is Wrong With Me. they Ruin Me. and imagining kiba as one??? i am deceased

omg, he’d do that big grin where it’s sort of a mixture of creepy and hot! i also feel like he’d be pretty scary when he’d chase you cos he’s agile and quick… HELP, i’d pee my pants ngl; I HATE BEING CHASED COS IT’S SO NERVE WRACKING!!!!!!!!!

mr. biscuit chased me around the dinner table for shits and giggles a couple days ago and i let out the most panicked/terror-struck scream and got so anxious about it that the neighbours were probably like ?

but anyways, i do think that if he’d notice that you’re having a really hard time and that you’re not scared in a fun way anymore, that he’d sort of guide you through it?

like he would make sure that you’re not getting scared anymore throughout the tour (is it called a tour?) by staying close and shouting “no scare!” so the others would back off, or he’d maybe lead you to a quick exit. cos even though he’s rough around the edges, i do think he genuinely cares for people; especially the ones who are obviously inching towards a panic attack or something similar — just look at the way he takes care of hinata whenever she’s having a bad time.

the only thing is that they shouldn’t be mean/rude towards him cos otherwise he turns into an even bigger asshole than them! so if anyone pokes fun at him or clearly starts irritating him or his friends while he’s working, he will literally be such a prick throughout the whole scare and will make sure that the sucker ends up in tears just because, well… just because he can do that, lol.

#like if he’d chase you and you’d just stop and start crying or like curl up on the floor he would immediately stop #and would just make sure you’re okay and that there’s nothing to be afraid about :(#maybe he’d even let you hold the prop weapon or whatever it is that he has so that you feel more in control lol :((((((#he’d be so cute ngl #biscuit mail

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embyrinitalics · 2 years

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I lost another chicken on Monday ☹️

She'd been acting a LITTLE funny for a couple days, like not roosting at night or acting a little antisocial in the yard, but I didn't see those as big warning signs and I feel super guilty about it, because her death was excruciatingly painful and horrific and I feel like it was my responsibility to look out for her health and I really let her down.

I need to just let it out and this might get graphic so feel free to skip

So on Monday night I notice she isn't roosting and is laying on the floor in a weird spot so I pick her up and set her on her feet hoping she'll take the hint and hop up herself, and instead she just flopped over unable to stand. So I call my husband over since something is obviously wrong. And when I pick her up to examine her she has vent prolapse and flystrike.

If you don't know what that is I encourage you to not google it. Chickens have a complicated digestive and reproductive system and a lot of things could go wrong. And they did. And then they got much worse.

We tried helping her at home for a couple hours but the flystrike was behind the prolapse so it was definitely beyond our ability to solve. The nearest emergency vet that would see chickens and was open at 11pm on July 4th was an hour away. So we put her in a crate and drove out there.

Meanwhile I am having a full on panic attack for the whole two hours and the drive. It was so disgusting and she was in so much pain. I did not keep my cool. I was dizzy and nauseous and my heart was racing and I felt like I was going to pass out. And I felt bad about that too, like she needed me and I couldn't pull myself together. (Meanwhile my amazing hubby is in there trying to clean up something I literally can't even bear to look at it's so awful and just thinking about it makes me want to cry auuugwwaahhh T_T)

Anyway we get to the vet, they take her down, and we stay in the car so they can call us with a prognosis. The call came pretty quick, the vet said she was in excruciating pain (they gave her drugs before they called us) and likely going septic, and strongly recommended euthanasia. They asked if we wanted to see her one more time. I was ready to pass but my husband wanted to say goodbye and asked for a couple feathers before she was cremated.

She was soooo drugged lol, I've never seen a drugged chicken before so that was kind of funny. She was high as a kite. So we said goodbye, they took her down, and came back up a little later with a couple clipped feathers for us to keep.

My panic attack immediately stopped once we got the word to euthanize. Like once it was over and we shed a few tears I was fine. But it was exhausting and I still feel guilty (for the flystrike to be that bad the prolapse had to have been happening for a few days at least and I didn't notice, AND I usually clean the coop at least once a week but it had been two weeks and was pretty dirty, which made the likelihood of flystrike jump significantly).

Anyway, I know she isn't suffering anymore and we did try to help (I mean they told us over the phone the vet trip fee was $215 dollars before they even did anything, and my husband didn't even blink, because he is fantastic), but. Still. I wish she had just been eaten by a fox or something instead. She would've suffered less.

And then I haven't been able to recover from the sleep deprivation, I've been up at 5:30 every day for no reason and am just so so tired. And my appetite has been bad so I haven't really eaten much at all.

And then this morning my dog caught one of the baby bunnies in our yard asflkfjfkfkfjjjjj T_T (I caught him by the scruff and he dropped it and it hopped away so it's probably fine BUT I'M EMOTIONALLY FRAGILE RIGHT NOW OK)

All this to say that this is my first time even being on my computer all week and I haven't written a thing and don't even have the energy to feel bad about it LOL

She was a good girl 💙

#not Zelda #personal #long post #VERY long post #death of a pet #chickens #RIP Bri Bri #you were such a mild tempered and pretty girl #sorry I didn't take care of you like I should have #omg I really needed to say that I'm like bawling #if I'd caught it earlier she might've recovered #I hand-raised her from a chick and she really trusted me #and never got out of the way when I was coming through with the lawn mower lol #and was always trying to sneak in the house when I left the door open #and then there were six 🐣💛

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fairycosmos · 1 year

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hi baby i am losing my mind at home. and mybe im in the wrong. my mom got a new bf since maybe two months and the same day she told me about him, i met him, and that weekend he was there the whole time. and now, that was a month ago, he basically is here constantly. am i being a cunt for being annoyed by this? i love that shes happy, but her last husband was very toxic and made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe so i am not at ease at all with a pretty much complete stranger in my house. i told her how i felt about it, and she blew up at me calling me egocentric and selfish and made me feel in general very very the odd one out, and like i was not allowed to feel that way. i asked her, after having a full blown panic attack in front of her, to try and keep in mind that when im at home (which is not much considering im in college and only here every few weeks for two days) to at least let me know if he’ll be here, and preferably just not. which she didnt, again, this weekend. i really dont know what to do. bc i really dont feel at home and like im wanted here and ignored and in general very anxious. the guy isnt bad or whatever, but its the same pattern from with her ex where her relationship became more important than me and this whole thing is so incredibly triggering. ig the answer is just a very simple ‘dont go home’ but i am so desperate for recognition and i just want to feel seen by her. i just dont know how to be fine with having a mom that doesnt want me. im really sorry this is so long. i hope youre doing okay <3

hi lovely - im sorry to hear this. it sounds so fucking frustrating and honestly i don't think your reaction is unreasonable at all! there is an appropriate way to introduce your kids to your boyfriend and this is definitely not it, especially if you've had a bad experience with her partners in the past. it is incredibly unfair and childish of her to blow up at you and to have him spend the whole weekend at your place the first weekend you guys met. like, no wonder you feel upset and overwhelmed by it all. it's not a great way to get to know each other, and her disregard for your feelings is awful.

it sounds like you've tried everything you can to set the right boundaries and to communicate clearly and respectfully what you're feeling with her, and of course if you want to you should keep trying to get through to her, but i think it's important to know when it's time to protect your own peace and focus on what is actually in your control. it's totally natural to crave feeling seen and recognised by her, like as much of a human need as eating or sleeping is, but if she's not able to give that you you don't need to internalise it as something that is your fault or something you deserve. it is entirely a reflection of her and her fucked up priorities if she refuses to listen and to amend her own behaviour. like it's obviously ok for her to date, and she doesn't need your permission, but she is not being respectful of your space at all, and that is the problem. i know accepting that is incredibly difficult, and it may take a long time to be able to say “hey, i deserve better than this and i will not beg for her validation, or for her to grow up and act like an adult about things,” but that really is the bottom line. if you still want to go home often, which is obviously completely understandable, maybe you could work on just setting your own boundaries within the house - staying in your room, only engaging with the dude/your mother to the extent that you feel comfortable with, even just straight up communicating to the guy that you're not really used to having him around and you're trying to take things at your own pace. if either of them get offended by that, honestly it's on them. they clearly haven't been considering your feelings so it's ok to just do what's right for yourself at this point. i'm really sorry you're in this position and i hope it gets better with time, that they begin to hear you out and give you room to breathe and process etc etc. i guess i just wanted to offer some genuine understanding, because you're not being ridiculous at all - i think your mam kind of is. also, if there's anyone you can talk to at school about this - like a mate or a college counsellor, i'd really recommend it. i know it might feel really weird and vulnerable to be open about it, but it's an issue you're dealing with and you deserve to feel supported. just processing it out loud and getting someone's outside perspective might be really cathartic and validating. i don't know, no pressure obviously - just smth to consider. sending a hug your way. x

#anon

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funkylittledemon · 2 months

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autism and emotions is so.... well it fucking sucks is what it is. i need my mind to slow down for a second to get all these thoughts down bc i will explode if i dont get them out there (hence why this post - only bee is gonna see this & knows me enough to be worried for more than an hour or so and if i put this where nobody can see it aint actually out there) (wassup bee dw i am okay)

anyway

i say that life is just getting to me rn and it is but thats too vague a statement. current affairs (an impartial term but a useful one here) are getting to me - I'm trying to navigate adulthood while it feels like the life i was promised is being taken away by whatever event you want to pick; global warming, late-stage capitalism, multiple genocides, the list goes on. and I'm one of the lucky ones!! how fucked up is that! so there's that constant stress hanging above my head.

then there's more abstract life: navigating uni and living alone and looking after myself while forming relationships and starting to try carve a path for myself. this one isn't as bad but still can't be ignored and the fact that interpersonal relationships have become so scrutinised through social media doesn't help. no matter the insecurity you have or your own specific factors there will be someone online telling you your worst fears are right - i cant say how many times ive scrolled past a reel saying that i havent had a message back because "he" doesn't care. does the person saying this even know I've seen it, let alone who i am or who "he" is? No!! but the sentiment sticks with you despite only seeing it for 3 seconds before scrolling on, despite logically knowing it can't apply to me because its a catch-all statement to everyone who feels insecure pushed onto us by an algorithm that thinks we want to hear that. social media is feeding into our fears and insecurities and we can't stop it. as an autistic person whos insecure as fuck and who knows they dont understand a lot of societal cues being told by some random person that im right to be insecure really doesn't help - i get the idea of something stuck in my head and bc i know its bs i try get it out which cements it further into my mind and lends it credence.

then there's uni itself - i am now faced with the realisation that everything leading me up to uni and my course has been about me helping other people, often to my own detriment. i chose a counselling course because i was always the therapist friend, the one who everyone else went to for help. and wouldn't you know it I've been burnt out for years and literally don't have it in me to help strangers, or give a shit about their lives. i cared so much and made my entire life about helping other people that i had no idea what i wanted to do. im switching to just psychology now, because it is interesting and i do enjoy it but im kind of lost now i dont have that purpose. it also scares me just how much of my life hadn't been about me at all and im still not sure who i am if im not helping someone. obviously thats the dramatic version but you get the gist. uni's been a wakeup call i wasn't prepared for and theres the work and exams on top of that

christ this is long. okay. what else was there. emotions. god i hate emotions. this is the hard bit. all my emotions are so so big and i am so so small and it feels like they would devour me whole if they could. anxiety is a big one. recently pretty much all ive been feeling is anxiety - a deep anxiety that makes me nauseous pretty much 24/7. last week on friday i had what i call a breakdown. i still dont understand it (which is scary enough - every other breakdown i can disect and point to the cause). i just sarted screaming in the middle of the street and couldn't stop and its making me anxious just typing this up. then there was a day of panic attack after panic attack (lost count after the 4th i think) and then a few days later and some bad decisions (booze. ik i shouldn't have drank but i thought i was ok to drink) i had another breakdown. i dont remember much of this one but it ended in me being locked out and sobbing - security had to let me in and it must've been bad bc the guy gave me a card with hotlines on it. (again, i am okay). i lost my leather jacket that night which both sucks bc i loved that jacket and also the fact that it's gone is a constant reminder of something im ashamed of. after that it was just this constant nauseating anxiety, occasionally spiralling into something more but not significant enough to include. the thing about me and emotions is that my strategy for dealing with them is to ignore and repress them until they're not my problem anymore. which is bad. but idk how to cope with them healthily and when i feel okay i never know if its because i repressed them again or because i genuinely feel okay. being around other people helps but thats probably not a great thing - i hide my emotions from other people to avoid being a burden. not that its always a bad thing that my friends make me feel better its just not a sustainable approach to constantly avoid being alone. i have this constant struggle of feeling emotions so intensely then feeling shame because of how intensely i felt those emotions or how they made me act.

going on from emotions fucking me over and moving on from Life being an issue anxiety is a fucking bitch. all my life I've felt like an outsider and so constantly nervous about everything. it was hell and then in 6th form i made friends who were so so confident and i finally started to relax a little bit more and not feel bad about taking up space. uni was even better! i had flatmates i loved and i was going out doing things I'd never dreamed of and i was making friends!! i barely recognised myself and i loved it!! then the breakdown happened and i was plunged headfirst back into the old cycle of anxiety and going back to that after feeling what life could be like? that was worse than the breakdown. it feels like ive never felt worse and the knowledge that theres no reason for it, that nothing had actually changed other than me and i could still be out there with confidence but i wasn't was such a crushing feeling it felt like i was never gonna feel okay again. dramatic i know but the truth.

im home for easter break now and typing this out has helped and going back to my old stomping grounds has shown me i have still changed and i do still have the confidence even if i couldn't access it for a hot min. I'm still anxious but thats okay. my emotions don't have an all poweful spell over me and anxiety can suck my dick. there's still the fear that I'll go back to uni and it'll all come rushing back however im just gonna see how this break goes. im gonna be alone whether i like it or not while im down here and if i can manage to be okay with that then I'll be fine. and i do have a support system both here and up at university.

#life updates with fish #vent post #ig #honestly i might not be okay but that's alright. i dont have to be okay and i don't have to be ashamed #im doing better than i was though #but every time i type that the anxiety returns so probably not actually its just more managable #long post #fuck me this was longer than i thought it was gonna be #oops oh well

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