#personal and intimate kind

[plenilunaris]

Considering the idea that Robin is more of a stage name than her real one and that her real name is only known by her parents if they're still alive and Sunday.

#// ooc. #also entertaining the idea that she doesn't give #her real name #due to this feeling of being wanted #for what she is musically #rather than her person #I'll make a headcanon about this #in regards of music #and what she prefers #which differs from all this dazzling show #she's used to #I think that her songs might not be the most “commercial” type #or at least that's not the pattern #as she leans to the more delicate #personal and intimate kind #anyway! I'll be here later #after a nap #as today I'll go late to sleep due to a TV show #and I need some strength for tomorrow morning #to go to class for an hour #see you soon ♥︎

[originalartblog]

your skk is so real and true to me. like its Them

this is such a great thing to hear I'm ✨🥺✨

I like to think I can mostly keep them in a permanent "status: ????". is it romantic? is it platonic? could it be both at the same time? perhaps queerplatonic would be a better term? I don't know you're the reader you tell me. The important part is that they got each other's back and can be stupid together and perhaps get their dose of cuddling while they're at it because they need it. Whether they kiss or not is so secondary to me but I NEED them to yearn for each other's company in big and small ways both.

#hence why i have no kissing on my blog except the ONE time i made dazai kiss chuuya's chin to distract him during video games #i like to make them intimate but i feel like physical and emotional vulnerability is more impactful (especially for them) #disclaimer: those are personal preferences and i do enjoy romantic skk a lot AND they can kiss all they want #i'm just also a big fan of how bsd basically has no romance (some crushes) and puts the emphasis on relationships of all kinds #which are all super important in their own ways whether the characters want to or not and not one kind comes before the other #aroace people raise your glass with me for a toast #ask answered #not art #bsd #skk #bungou stray dogs #soukoku

[daily-hanamura]

#p4 #persona 4 #p4g #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #god do i have so much to talk about in this scene #first of all yu's hug kills me because thats a very intimate hug thats not a bro hug where you put your arm around their shoulders #thats a hug where he put his arms around yosuke's waist!!!! #when yosuke says that's for girls... i kind of see what he means? personally id only hug my romantic partner the same way but hey #second of all and more seriously i think this is a really good example of how Yosuke's words frequently fail to match up against his action #yosuke might complain about how the hug is for girls but it doesnt stop him from holding on #the scene fades to black and yu says they stayed on the riverbank until yosuke calmed down #so they mught as well have hugged for the whole time? #idk im personally obsessed with the contradictions between what yosuke says and what he does because expressing himself is not his strength #Yosuke's words cannot be reliably taken at face value but i think his friends - and yu especially - come to learn and accept that abt him

[sapphorror]

Y'know... A lot of ZaDr fics have them either gradually drifting into a less contentious status quo or establishing a deeply bizarre multilayered dynamic that is nonetheless very consistent and beholden to its own rules—which works, to be clear, because slavish adherence to the rhythm of their endless 'game' is already their canon baseline.

WITH THAT BEING SAID. I think it would be very funny to depict a ZaDr dynamic in which they're like, on-again off-again nemeses. As they get older theyre gradually forced to acknowledge the true depth of their mutual attachment, but instead of actually improving themselves in any lasting way or compromising the conflicting elements into an ill-definable state of contentious codependence, they just start oscillating wildly between periods of obscenely clingy allyship and devotedly murderous enmity. There's never an in between. They'll dedicate all their energy to trying to horrifically torture each other to death, until one of them gets uncomfortably close to actually dying or an external crisis pushes them together or they just get bored—at which point, they become obnoxiously glued at the hip until one of them relapses into anxiety about their ambitions or an argument escalates past the the point of no return or they just get bored. And every time they both Really Mean It, They're Not Gonna Do This Anymore, before naturally going ahead and doing it again

#invader zim #zadp #zadr #iz posting #natterings #there is so much good drama potential here actually #initially I just thought the idea was funny and it IS but also #there is something to be said about leveraging the full force of ones loathing #against someone you've been sincerely intimate with #and at the same time still being too attached to that person to fully commit #so that it just becomes this endless unresolved resentment that's never meaningfully addressed #also how this effects literally everyone around them #because they literally cannot be trusted to stick to anything #anything they do they HAVE to do as a team #until they get so sick of each other that they'd sooner die than share a cause #and they'll sign themselves onto wholeass war efforts just to have a sufficiently dramatic battleground #(because obviously it's not any fun if the stakes arent absurdly high #'apocalyptic' being the bare minimum here) #only to defect without a second thought the moment they decide they miss each other #at the end of the day there's only one kind of dedication and loyalty they care about #and they're making it everyone elses problem #im always saying steady pitch-pale vacillation is the ideal zadr endgame #and what is this if not that taken to its absolute practical and emotional extreme

[eebie]

#i personally feel like it's somewhere in between #like sexuality and gender i think it's where you decide to choose what label your experiences/feelings fall under #it's decided between the two people in the relationship #like intimacy can exist in every kind of relationship and it's upsetting to hear people say it can only happen in romantic ones #if i were in a relationship with someone i trusted Who had an intimate relationship with someone else #if i really trusted that person i'd have no problem with it Unless it very clearly started to affect our relationship #i don't think i'd call myself a very jealous person #maybe a little envious but not jealous lol #i think restricting intimacy to one person isn't very. healthy? i don't know #like there should be other people too. support networks #we're a social animal yknow ? #it can't be possible for one person to fulfill every single need #that's an unhealthy expectation that can put a strain on many relationships i think #there's a reason spider webs are made from joined threads of silk #they don't dangle from a single piece They'd get blown away in the wind #reason why i bring this up now is bc i just discussed this with my parents who hold very traditional views #idk how i ended up being so different from them LMAO #thanks steven universe i guess!!!

[taz-writes]

here's a hot take for today

the narrative function of sex is the same as the narrative function of fight scenes is the same as the narrative function of songs in a musical

no i will not explain

#taz talks #writing #actually i WILL explain but i'll do it in the tags #these each serve the same function within their respective appropriate genres #each one is a kind of revelation #they heighten the connection between 2+ characters and highlight relationships and feelings and needs #they are out of place in genres where they do not belong and/or as curveballs when the narrative did not provoke them from the start #but they have the same sort of emotional/dramatic build-up #talk -> sing -> dance (talk -> yell -> stab) ((talk -> flirt -> You Know)) #and they are all expressions of intense physicality and intimacy through physical gesture and interaction #they are fundamentally empty and boring if there is not a deeper purpose or drive behind them #although they can still occasionally be entertaining on their own if your audience is specifically seeking that experience out #people who do not like them will be very unhappy to encounter one where it isn't supposed to be #it is very easy to ruin the mood with poor word choice #many people have an inherent sense for terrible ones but it's often difficult or complicated to explain precisely why a bad one fails #when executed properly they are a very raw and intimate expression of a character's most fundamental needs and desires #the fluff is stripped away and there is nothing left but a series of needs. conflicting or cooperating. #and even when you're lying during one it's still a form of truth #none of these things are remotely necessary to tell a powerful or compelling story but if you're going to use them you need to do it right #also all 3 of these things are difficult if not impossible to write if you are not both interested in them and personally invested #this post brought to you by me trying to write smut about my dnd characters and failing because i generally hate /reading/ smut #so i have none of the vocabulary or instinct for it that i do for. say. graphic violence (or lyrical poetry)

[mejomonster]

Modu by priest was truly such a good read. If you like romance? It has a sweeping romance, with a well done bisexual and gay lead (and straight best friend) all written in ways that manage to feel realistic, it's got features people likely found it for when looking for a danmei - rich manipulative younger man, older investigator who's got a hero streak, and yet those categories don't really do justice to them (and of course tao ran is the more grounded detective story lead who keeps his theories to himself and worries about dragging others into his mess).

They're so much more... Fei Du is a traumatized young man who's worried he's as monstrous as the people who scarred him, who is preparing to take the leap and cross the line to become an even more terrifying version of himself if it will destroy the corruption poisoning this city and harming so many, Luo Wenzhou is a cop that used to want to be a hero and learned he will fail people and be unable to save people and holds onto Fei Du as someone who reminds him he DOES fail but also reminds him why he wants so hard to keep Trying to help people even when it seems impossible... why trying and putting in effort to care and help Even when its too late to fix things is Worthwhile. Tao Ran is a contrast to them both, Fei Du living in a world where there's only monsters and victims and Luo Wenzhou desperately trying to force the world to be a place where justice CAN prevail and win even as he sees it fail over and over, trying so hard to believe all people have the capacity for everything and are worth trying to save. Even though Fei Du doesm't believe that, being around Luo Wenzhou makes him want to consider it. Tao Ran, their contrast? Believing the world can go either way, and its up to people like him to create any justice at all, any structure at all, or else everything is just meaningless suffering chaos. As characters, the three of them serve to explore how the world works and views on it in terms of a detective murder mystery encompassing the whole city, the small scale version of the world. Modu is a romance, but its also fully commited to being a murder mystery that wants to tackle the kind of themes that come up in the setting it's created. Its characters are so much more than Insert Character Ship types here. These characters were made this way to explore these ideas (just as the villains are all made to parallel and contrast Fei Du to explord these ideas in comparison to our point of view Fei Du moments, our impressions of Fei Du from Luo Wenzhou and Tao Rans varied perspectives, all of them are different lenses to view humanity and how it works, if the world is just or if we have to make it good, if we can be inherently good and if good people will reach out to us if we just keep treading water to survive, if its luck and chaos, and how much... and much more frankly).

Modu is like. If you want a story about a corrupt city and its victims, symbolizing a corrupt world and all of us at its mercy, and you want to see the heart of the people doing something about it. First the main trio, but also every victim Fei Du recruits to help, every murderer recruited to the corruption, all the people in the cases swayed to some side. Thats what Modu is about.

The romance is just one facet of exploring that, the personal debate about what these things mean about the world as told through two people who view this world incredibly differently. Yet find some way to exist in the same space, same mutual world, when together. It hooks you in and doesn't let you go and youre wondering right there with them, left to draw your own meaning in the end. Hopefully that its worth trying, that doing something is worth trying even when its just the trying you can do and not the succeeding, at least thats what I got from it (at least in regards to Fei Du and Luo Wenzhou meeting each other, unable to live up to the pillar they put each other on but trying anyway, is what I felt from them).

Then like? Modu gives you THAT story, which in its own right is enough to make you contemplate.

And if you're like me and care about people, about characters? Well it gives you, like I said, those big themes and a city's nightmares symbolizing the world, and brings them down to an individual level. You read from the mind of the little girl who grew up in this (one of my favorite scenes and when I felt this novel was going to not shy away from dark psychological moments and bringing them to you). You read from the mind of Fei Du when he knows himself, when he doesn't. You read from the minds of all kinds of people, and the heart of much of the investigation is peoples motives and things they'd gone through and how that shaped what they'd do next. Why they'd do it. Leaving you to wonder who's right. Jaded idealist Luo Wenzhou who wants to believe in the goodness of the people he loves, but also is willing to risk that strangers may have good intent? Fei Du who thinks theres only victims and perpetrators and everyone is going to fall into one in the right circumstance? Tao Ran, who feels the world is too messy to dare declare predictable, who thinks even your closest can betray you and even you can accidentally hurt them, nevermind strangers, and the only thing you can control and rely on is your own choices? Some mix? None of them? The side characters as they come up, grow and evolve, do they understand the world better or worse, and is the world they experience different than anothers and justify why their worldview is likewise different? Modu gives you that up close and personal, over and over. Im still thinking about it. And the way its done, they all get to feel like lived in people. Not structures to tell the themes only. But on their own, there's a personal struggle between Fei Du feeling like a monster who'll destroy Lup Wenzhou if he loves him, like his dad destroyed his mom, and Luo Wenzhou carrying the guilt he could never save Fei Du and desperate to believe in Fei Du (and keep trying to save him in that way if only that way) as person who can do good despite not being saved and despite Fei Du's fears. You could cut the entire city's plot away, all of the crimes and make the city calm, and still that core of their plot would be carrying a Lot of weight. Theyre playing a game of "enemies" to lovers sure, or whatever romance story structures they fit into. But they're also made to be deeply rooted into each other, their personal beliefs tied into the outcome of what they hope or fear happens if they are close together. Modu made me care about that. Its like the fears many people might have, abiut theur own flaws, about getting close to others, about trusting and being unsure if that trust is safe to give. Its that and magnified into bigger form, in this landscape of a fucked up city and the tragedy of Fei Du and Luo Wenzhou's meeting and former lives.

Its like. Id love to to read another danmei (Ive got a lot on my to read list). But what's going to give me roo

#modu #silent reading #lb #meta #like... modu was so fucking good. #it was 3 characters symbolizing their city symbolizing the world in terms of worldviews morality justice and if theres a point to #trying to help at all. like damn #i want to read ANOTHER danmei that makes me weigh those questions. that uses the characters this personally and intimately with the readers #because the Characters weigh the themes in their OWN lives so heavily. #like... i know priest can probably give me this kind of huge delivery in can ci pin and sha po lang (at least i estimate #priesr probably can as theyre very popular novels by priest) #and 2ha can (because ive read half and know its themes) #but like. what other danmei can? can thousand autumns? can peerless? can wu shang jie? #can Mistakenly Saving the Villain? #like... the only non priest danmei i read was svsss and i got supremely lucky #cause i personally LOVE satire and critique commentary affection for the topics it explores #and svsss AS a satire is incredibly well done. having read 2ha first? and seen Eternal Love? #svsss does an amazing job at critiquing webnovel culture and flaws. at the way capitalism effects writing #at the way some tropes have become staples of certain genres and when used well yeah you get 2ha but when used badly you get #the fake novel svsss was making fun of that there Are many real novels like

[restinpeacesensei]

bath

(hello!!! please be polite and respectful; im very sensitive and i am not comfortable with comments like 'hot/sexy' or anything objectifying 😭😭 but something like 'he's pretty' etc is welcome! thank you so much!! 🥺💖💖)

#boueibu #binan koukou chikyuu bouei bu love! #cute high earth defense club love #akoya gero #gero akoya #my art #this is from 2015 from like the first two months i was in this fandom #it was made for a 1draw prompt on twitter #and ive never posted it here all this time #bc i KNOW if i'd posted it at the fandom's peak i would have gotten comments i was uncomfortable with #i know i probably robbed myself of hundreds of notes by not posting it then.. but if i'd been uncomfortable it wouldn't have been worth it #all the years that i spent feeling miserably uncomfortable all the time bc the only way i knew how to interact with the world was #'throw yourself out there and let everyone else say whatever they want' #which was actually traumatizing honestly. like trying to have a semi-intimate personal relationship with countless strangers #but i didn't know how to express my feelings or wishes and as a result they had no reason to think of them #discovering my right to state my wishes and boundaries has been life-changing #and with that i finally post this #thank you so much to everyone who's listened and treated me with respect and understanding 🥺 im so grateful for your kindness!! \;;////;;/

[spider-man-2o99]

The prevailing belief of many ASTV viewers seems to be that Miguel O'Hara is an actual, literal vampire. Do you think this funny.

Nope! <3 it shows such a lack of willingness to do even Basic Research that would take maybe two seconds to look up that it makes me want to Kill. like. cmon. he has Fangs because he's half-spider...,,.,

They're hollow, and whenever he Bites People, it is specifically with the intent to POISON them with the VENOM from his FANGS-- he also Says That every time he does it, like he's an anime character, lol, and it means a lot to me. we don't know the exact makeup or potency of his venom, but we Do know that it's fast-acting, paralytic, and (apparently, thankfully) non-toxic, at least.

#talking tag #asks #spider-man 2099 #spiderman 2099 #atsv #across the spiderverse #spider-man: across the spider-verse #but like. honestly ive Never liked ppl calling him a vampire LOL ppl alREADY didnt know anything abt 2099 as it was Before ATSV came out y/ #and then ATSV comes out nd its portrayal of My Blorbo for whom my foolish fool self would & Will go 2 bat for Debunking Disinformation abt- #--is Canon Accurate in its characterization of him even if in general i think it's pretty Thematically Weird 2 have chosen Mig Specifically #--for the role that they put him in just specifically because. like. the themes of SM2099 kind of actively go against All Of That Stuff? #but. whatever. dbsdkvbdvjbsk it's not a Dealbreaker 4 me i Understand quite intimately that literally nobody cares abt analyzing 2099 LOL. #and i am just a nitpicky esoteric autistic Bitch with Very Strong Opinions or w/e #anyways they made lots of Funney Jokes. tho i dont dig how often mig was Called Unfunny because he Is Funny hes just autistic nd quiet #mig Is Funny he just doesnt make quips as a nervous reaction or to distract villains when he is wearing the costume. #like the Whole Point of his spider-man is that hes Supposed to b Weird And Different from other Spiders thats literally what he was made 4 #zigging where lee & ditko zagged. He Was Designed That Way On Purpose That Is Why He Is So Interesting He Is ACTUALLY DIFFERENT #Christ almighty one more person acts like he wasnt nothin before this film as if he aint existed for 30 years with an established history. #feel like i m just gonna start freakign Killing

[nevesmose]

Perturabo was silent for a long time, his attention completely focused on the disassembled objects spread out before him.

"No, Fulgrim," he said eventually. "I am not fun at parties. Why do you ask?"

The Primarch of the III Legion smiled. "No reason in particular. I merely wondered if you'd like to take advantage of so many of the family being close by."

Fulgrim stepped away from Perturabo's worktable, elegantly avoiding the discarded parchments and empty grey plastek sprues littering the room.

"Goodnight then, brother. I shall leave you to your..." he paused briefly, for once unable to find the right word. "Figurines," he finished.

"They're miniatures," the Lord of Iron said bitterly. Fulgrim gave the briefest of shrugs and left the room.

Oh, Perturabo, he thought fondly as his brother's door slid closed. Don't ever change.

"I told you he'd say no," a rough, low voice called from further down the hallway. "If it was anyone but you he would've started throwing things."

"Very comforting, Ferrus." The two primarchs walked together for a few moments in a close, pleasant silence. With anyone else Fulgrim would have found the quiet oppressive, felt the need to speak, to act, to perform in some way.

It had never been like that with Ferrus, and in his introspective moments he treasured that quiet as something uniquely theirs.

"How goes the process of civilising our newest brother?" Ferrus asked.

Oh, Konrad, Fulgrim thought. Please change, even just a bit.

"He has been a challenge," Fulgrim admitted. "More so than I expected."

"Really?" Ferrus asked, amused. "I thought you relished a challenge."

"Not this one," Fulgrim answered. "Have you ever considered the logistics of bathing a fellow Primarch?"

"I could be persuaded," Ferrus said.

Fulgrim gave him a pointed look. "Not like that. I mean someone of our size and strength who adamantly refuses to even consider basic hygiene. And our father wants me to turn this... being into a capable leader of his own Legion."

Fulgrim sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"At the moment it's a miracle if he sleeps through the night without some kind of outburst. His latest development is wandering the corridors to scream at every mortal he sees about the exact time and nature of their deaths."

"You must be tired."

Fulgrim laughed bleakly. "Tired," he said, as if it were some arcane alien concept. "Yes, I suppose I am."

"Come in, then." Seemingly without intending to, they'd arrived in the hallway outside Ferrus's chambers.

"The Gorgon of Medusa invites me to his quarters," Fulgrim said archly. "People will talk. What scurrilous rumours they might spread."

Ferrus shrugged. "Let them."

The room was cool, sparsely lit and, with the exception of Forgebreaker in pride of place on a wall rack, minimally furnished. The opposite of his own in every possible way, but at times like this Fulgrim found the contrast refreshing.

Ferrus flung himself down onto a primarch-scaled couch as Fulgrim's gaze was drawn to the incongruous sight of a rectangular open-topped frigerator unit containing ice and several glass vessels.

"And what might this be?"

"Oh, that," Ferrus said. "One of the latest archaeo-tech recreations based on analysing residues from ancient Terran artefacts. It's an alcoholic drink somehow brewed with crystals."

Fulgrim took a single delicate sip and wrinkled his nose slightly.

"Apparently it was extremely popular on old Earth, but only for a very short time before something else replaced it. Magnus would be able to tell you more."

"I imagine he would," Fulgrim said, turning his attention back to Ferrus. "But with the greatest of respect to the Primarch of the Fifteenth, I don't particularly care about Magnus just now."

For a long moment neither of them said anything. Then Ferrus slid back on the couch, legs parted, and patted a hand on the seat just in front of him.

"Come on, sit down."

Fulgrim quirked an eyebrow.

"Did I stutter, Phoenician? Sit down. You need to relax."

"If you insist," Fulgrim said. He moved to sit cross-legged in the space between Ferrus's legs. After a moment's hesitation, he leaned his full weight back against Ferrus.

"There you go," Ferrus said, starting to run his hands through Fulgrim's long hair. "You don't have to be perfect every single moment of the day."

"Perhaps," Fulgrim replied, closing his eyes. "But then what would I be instead?"

What is this called, he wondered, sudden and cold. What are we doing? The idea threatened to ruin everything if he dwelt on it. To ruin this, whatever it was that he and Ferrus had.

We're Primarchs, he thought. There isn't any existing human word or concept for what we are or choose to be, other than what we decide for ourselves. Like the first ancients naming the stars.

A single cool metal finger poked him gently in the back of the head. "You're thinking," Ferrus said. "I can tell."

"Congratulations. I knew if you saw other people do it you'd eventually start to recognise the signs," Fulgrim replied without any real malice, tilting his head back as Ferrus's hands resumed their movement through his hair.

He felt Ferrus's chest move behind him as he laughed. "You wound me, Fulgrim. I'll withdraw from society to weep and write poetry."

"Anything but your poetry, I beg of you," Fulgrim said quietly. "The galaxy isn't ready for that level of pain and suffering."

#AND THEN THEY FUCKED #it's primarch fluff and cuddles time #fulgrim is the kind of person you can just throw in a word or two here and there and let him talk for half an hour #ferrus “emotional support” manus #stroking someone's hair is genuinely one of the most intimate things you can do imho #trying to broaden my range by writing about nice things #you can have a few memes as a treat #CERVEZA CRISTAL #divider by @squishyowl #fulgrim x ferrus #fulgrim/ferrus #fulgrim #ferrus manus #wh40k #warhammer 40000 #horus heresy #warhammer 40k #wh30k #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 #best way i can describe it is fulgrim is an ADVERBS person and ferrus is a STATEMENTS person #neves writes

[daevite]

diversity win! taylor hebert has impaired proprioception and/or hypermobility swag.

#it speaks #worm liveblog #parahumans #this is mostly a joke. #this scene was cute though like. these internal comments of his are like #intimate and 'romantic' in a way that isn't overtly so. just noticing these kinds of details abt a person y'know

[kateubanks]

love comes through -- #15 from peako's prompts

my fiancé is a poet.

he asks, "is there a movie?" before i can finish telling him about the books i read. he uses me as a human spell-checker no less than five times a day. he gets outwardly angry at the mention of jackson pollock, and he explains the difference between real art and contemporary-hides-nothingness horseshit in museums. he reads my stories because they're mine.

this man is a poet.

he leaves prose scribbled on the backs of receipts and napkins throughout the house. going to the store, text me when you wake up. see you tonight love you. left my sandwich in the fridge for you. and i find myself the muse of a grecian visionary, spending my days lazily sheathed in the golden glow of the gods, hoping my body shows him the meaning of the stars and why they fall and rise.

"we can't write our own vows," he insisted once. "you'd smoke me."

like any good poet, he's ignorant to his magic.

#soooo i will obvs be using these prompts kind of loosely lol #have been reading a lot of super intimate personal essays #can u tell #kateubanks #peako green #peakogreen #poetry #writers and poets #poets on tumblr #writeblr #prose #prose poetry #flash fiction #writing #writers #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writerscorner #writerscreed

[divinesouldariax]

it doesnt have to hurt more to be love!

it doesnt have to hurt more to be love.

there’s been a lot of very good meta about ashton, taking hits, carrying his friends, carrying heavy things for their friends, doing things that hurt, that make it hurt worse, to protect his friends from pain. because he knows how to carry pain. because they’re used to it. because they know he can keep going. because, because, because it’s what he knows, it’s all he knows.

and it’s true. ashton loves them. ashton is willing to hurt more for them, and it’s because they love their friends.

but, but, but. he shouldnt have to. people with chronic pain shouldnt have to do things that make the pain worse. we might choose to, and that is definitely an act of love, but feeling like they dont have a choice, that taking on more pain, silently, suffering without ever asking for help or saying no, i can’t do that, it hurts too much...

because, listen. for most people, chronic pain is limiting. it says no, we’re not climbing those stairs today. no, we can’t lean down and pick something up off the floor. no, we’re staying in bed with a heating pad and telling our friends sorry, i can’t make it today after all. i know you were looking forward to hanging out, but i can’t do it. maybe there’s some people with chronic pain that never have days bad enough that it limits them, but i’ve never met one.

so when i see ashton, whose friends didn’t figure out that he has chronic pain until they literally felt it in his mind, keep their pain under wraps for over a month, never saying no to carrying something (a heavy statue, fcg up a ladder, orym after he fell, laudna’s dead body for miles), swinging his hammer to defend and protect, literally picking losing battles to see if anybody is watching...to me, that doesn’t read as “look at this strong, empowered person with chronic pain who never lets it limit them”.

to me, that says “this is a person who thinks that love cannot exist without a worsening of pain, who won’t let themself pause or say no or even tell anybody that it hurts because he is deeply, deeply afraid that refusing pain is the same thing as denying his friends love”.

and that’s fucking devastating.

it doesnt have to hurt more to be love.

#ashton greymoore #critical role meta #critical role campaign 3 #bell's hells #there is a secret second part to this post #where i gently criticize matt and tal for not including some kind of Disability Mechanic #because i KNOW they can do it. they do it for caleb and fcg and imogen #but i'm still holding out hope that they have a secret one that they're waiting to reveal #based on a specific event or trigger for a flare-up #just. something something mental illnesses being given the opportunity to be Actually Disabling in this work of fiction #(which it SHOULD be. i'm not saying they shouldnt have done any of those ones.) #while physical disability is a handwavey/barely acknowledged flavor #let disabled characters be Disabled. Disabled means they are LIMITED in their ABILITY to DO THINGS. #.....i didnt mean to do the whole rant in the tags but apparently i did it anyway lmao #anyway. able-bodied people dont clown on me for this. #ill block u. #edit: i focus on chronic pain here bc thats what i personally have experience with #but obviously ashton has a traumatic brain injury which is also a disability #and i wouldnt want to ignore that just because it's not something im as intimately familiar with

[senselessalchemist]

finally have an actual job so maybe I can stop being a hermit and get officially divorced and feel sort of financially stable and possibly try dating again and get a cat ??? is that allowed? no I probably shouldn't unless I get a bigger place and can have two cats to be friends

downside is when the fuck am I supposed to draw dumb comics if I'm working for hours and hours a day? Hell and suffering on earth. maybe i should get an iPad or a whatthefuck ever and draw on the commute so I don't lose even more of my meager art skills

#personal bullshit #i have never had what is traditionally considered a Real Job #this is my first 8 to 4 type job #tbqh if i could have just done teaching assistant work without the whole grad student shit that would have been cool #but i just couldn't anymore #no one there helped me when i needed it #a super huge fuck you to all of the mandatory training i had to do re: intimate partner violence and abuse #well anyway it's fucking done and who cares if i wasted 8ish years of my only life (: #now i get to help people make babies #which is not at all what i thought i would do #but hey at least it feels meaningful #and i get to wear scrubs all the time which is nice because they're kind of shapeless and make me look slightly more masc esp with binding #wonder if i could donate oocytes #im sure as fuck not gonna use them #might be too old tho #give bad eggs #also might have too much testosterone in my system now #0 idea how that works except at some point they expect me to stop menstruating #but my dumb reproductive parts are too strong too powerful will not be stopped by some pitiful exogenous T #anyway i really need to try to sleep #and stfu #but yeah maybe i can think about moving and getting 2 cats

[starswallowingsea]

I just woke up from a nap but didn't Kanata used to take naps on Kaoru when they were in school in the Marine Bio club and they both individually needed to decompress from life? I'm just imaging a Kaoru who can't sleep or doesn't want to sleep gently playing with Kanata's hair, loosely braiding it or wrapping it around his finger while Kanata is softly snoring and leaning into Kaoru's touch.

Or one of the rare times that Kaoru is the one sleeping, Kanata just being there to watch over him and make sure he isn't disturbed because Kanata can tell Kaoru hasn't been sleeping well and wants to give him the time he needs to rest.

Or both of them napping together, either on top of each other or just in the room, separate but basking in the comfort of a familiar and calming presence as the whirring of the fish tanks lulls them to sleep

#shay speaks #enstars #kaoru hakaze #kanata shinkai #kaokana #kaokana nap pile in the marine bio room. kaoru actually lays his head on kanata's chest or stomach #and lets himself be intimate with another guy just this once (its the third time this month) #they are each other's comfort person. to me. #this could be romantic or platonic tbh #i think. in high school its platonic kaoru still has a lot of internalized homophobia to work through #but after they graduate and kaoru is a little more honest with his feelings #i think thats when he'd want to slowly test the waters of dating another guy for real #they hold pinkies :) more casual touching of the hands and arms #that kind of stuff #still takes like 6 months for kaoru to kiss kanata though dksbsjsjwjwbw #he's really shy and kanata is like dont worry kaoru i have never kissed anyone #this does not make it easier but its still a cute moment on the beach at sunset for both of them #even if its a little stilted and awkward

[cliveguy]

Ok backstory behind that poll im ngl that is a little bit crazy to me... i think id also take that back to my friend if i wasn't already aware the mum knew about and was fine with it

#um.txt #i mean there's not enough info here to make a real judgement #but personally i think shoulder kisses are kind of intimate and more typically viewed as romantic... i dont think its wild #that the ex made an assumption on that one #mutuals if i ever get married and you see my husband kissing shoulders i want you in my inbox ASAP