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#plus i did end up adding some extra things later
gingergari · 11 months
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artem 2023 edition! :]
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no water under the cut:
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toji-girl · 2 months
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obsessed | t. fushiguro
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synopsis: You were super grateful that you could buy off your landlord with your used panties when late on rent until he wants more than just the discarded fabric.
wc: 1.9k
tags: 18+ ONLY content + explicit smut: minors and empty blogs DNI + fem reader + dark content + repost from my old blog + not beta read + pervy! Toji + male masturbation + teasing + nipple play + dirty talking + degradation both receiving + unprotected sex + backshot + dry humping + switch you and Toji + pussy job + cum play + impact play + maybe femdom? I don’t know but adding in case + dubcon in the end but I promise you do want it + any missing tag lmk! + feedback such as comments and reblogs are helpful
AN: I almost want to make a few parts to this...like a series?
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Another plastic ziplock bag full of your used underwear was placed at Toji’s door, thankfully you always disguised it to look like a regular package, however, no one knew in the apartment building that you had to pay your rent with your panties.
You looked around and made sure no one was looking as you went back to your apartment feeling your skin crawl with disgust at yourself liking the fact that he was going to jerk off with them later.
Your landlord was incredibly attractive, and that’s something you couldn’t deny as much as you wanted to, it was impossible, the way he fills out those t-shirts makes you shiver wondering what he looked like naked?
That stupid smirk he always wore when he saw you only got wider whenever he saw you around the apartment. 
“I didn’t receive my payment, where are my panties?” He asked leaning against the other mailboxes catching you one morning, he looked bigger in the cramped area of the boxes lining the walls, which in turn only made you feel much smaller.
You flipped through the useless papers before looking at him with furrowed eyebrows. 
“You mean my panties? Are you wearing them? I was going to gather them up before my shift at work, and I gave you two extra pairs last week. Why are you asking for more?” You asked clearly annoyed.
Toji stayed silent with that famous smirk, the scar lifting up when he leaned into where you could smell the minty gum he chewed on earlier, his lips almost brushing against the shell of your ear.
“We made a deal, and I expect you to keep up on it. Yeah?” His hand coming down to play with your skirt. 
“It was only supposed to be for a bit, not this long. Why don’t you go bug some of the other tenants?” 
He hummed like he was thinking about it before shaking his head. “They’re all paid up, plus none of them are as pretty as you are.” 
His finger came up grazing your neck making you almost squeak, because dammit, it was hot the way he made you feel this way, his large palm was bigger than your face, and you shrank back looking at him feeling warmth crawl between your legs and up your neck. 
You watched him frowning trying to throw him off, the last thing you needed was for him to know you enjoyed this, gripping the envelopes in your hand knowing you’d be a little late to work but if he wanted your panties, you were going to give them to him and maybe this would be the last time, what was only supposed to be for two months at max has now stretched into six. 
Almost everyone could hear you stomping up the stairs to your door where you pushed it open heading straight for your bedroom, as much as you hated to admit it, knowing Toji was a little pervert like this and only for you set a switch off in your head because you were perverted like him.
You formulated a plan quickly while setting your last pair by his doorstep before heading to work. 
It didn’t take long for Toji to come knocking on your door later the next night, he was needy for you, and it sucked that he had to depend on you to get his orgasm. He rapped his knuckles against your door waiting for you to answer and when you did his dick throbbed harder between thick thighs. 
You wore a see-through robe, and a sultry pink laced set that complimented your skin and body, Toji whistled through his teeth stepping inside your apartment unknowingly setting the trap and kicking the door shut behind him. “Wow, is this how you greet all your guests?” He asked tugging on the bow you tied in front. 
“Only certain ones, but tonight was meant for a special someone, a date if you must. I have your last package.” You told him seeing the immediate look of disdain on his face, then jealousy made his lips pucker almost as he slid his hands in his pockets. 
You turned to head to your room feeling him grab your wrist gently before you were pulled into him. “A date? I don’t think he could easily please you, someone of your caliber.” 
“My caliber? What do you mean by that?” You asked genuinely curious letting his hands caress your back and hips and waist lifting your robe up to snap the band of your panties. 
He chuckled pressing his lips against the shell of your ear making you shiver. “Someone who pretends not to like my teasing, putting up a bitchy front knowing that you’re a pervert, just like me.” He nibbled on your lobe making you curl your fingers in his shirt gasping softly. 
His hand now sliding down your back to squeeze your ass before playing with your thong pulling it between the globes more and kicking your legs apart with his foot letting you staddle his thigh pretty much at this angle, Toji took his sweet time in feeling you up letting you dry hump him now. 
“I am not a pervert, I don’t get off on by sniffing panties.” You told him grinding on his thigh and reaching your hand down to cup his bulge with a slight moan, because again dammit, you were now letting him do whatever it was as you gave him the same treatment sliding your hand in his boxers. 
Toji groaned as you stroked him before pulling your hand out and pushed him onto your couch, he landed with a soft thud spreading his legs and putting both arms behind it watching you slowly remove your robe and letting it pool around your ankles. “This will be our thing, no more panties.” 
He nodded not really believing you, there was no way you were going to leave him alone after this, just as much as he’s obsessed with you he can tell you want him just as bad, so he watched you slowly strip moving your hips until you were naked with your panties balled up in your hand as you lowered down until you were sat in Toji’s lap. 
His hands landed on your hips squeezing them between thick fingers and leaning in to kiss your breasts, Toji wrapped his lips around your nipple sucking it in his hot mouth letting you rub your bare pussy against his jeans before you were tugging on his belt and unbuttoning his pants. 
“Such a slut for cock, aren’t you?” He teased squeezing your tits and pushing them together kissing the spilling flesh from his thick fingers, his tongue laved every inch almost as you rutted against him moaning and panting while trying to pull his dick free. 
It was adorable how quickly he fell for it, all he needed to think was he was going to get his dick wet, and in a way, he was but not the way he originally thought. You grinned down at him prying his mouth open with your fingers hooked in the corner of his lips. 
You shoved the lacy thong into his mouth. “Such a slut for my panties, aren’t you?” You sneered down at him running your fingers through his hair, you panted due to the temperature in the living room and the work you put into rubbing your pretty cunt against his dick. 
Toji wanted to feel you hot and tight around him but you were in control this way, keeping his cock pressed flush against the lips of your pussy now rubbing up and down looking at him. 
“You really can’t help yourself. A dirty boy who gets off on jerking off with used panties? You’re so disgusting.” 
His eyes went cross at your filthy words, usually, when people get called stuff like that they’d shrink away and even tear up, but no, Toji just proved you right nodding his head and sucking on your underwear like a pussy drunk frat boy who’s felt a cunt for the first time. 
You could feel the tip of his cock press against your hole and as much as you wanted the relief of him fucking you, because you knew it would be big and you weren’t proven wrong it wasn’t time to throw your own plan overboard so instead you just continued to give him a pussy job. 
His fingers dug into your hips helping you come so close to his own release watching you wither on top of him as you held his shoulders shuddering feeling your pussy throb wanting to suck him in, instead you pulled your panties from his mouth letting them fall down to his lap. 
“There’s your final payment, now I don’t want to see you again asking for them.” You told him watching him pant and lean back shaking his head with that infamous smirk. 
He grabbed your panties stuffing them in his pocket and looking at you. “I won’t be the one asking for anything, you’re going to be the one coming to me when you need to be dicked down, I saw that look in your eyes. You wanted to fuck me.” 
You tugged on your robe glaring at the older man rolling your eyes. “If I did then I would have, I don’t need you-” 
Whatever else you were going to say before you were bent over the arm of your couch, you could feel Toji resting his cock on your ass before rutting against you holding your hips and aiming himself at your fluttering hole pushing in and you pushed back letting him.
Your feet slid against the carpet as he buried himself deep, all the way to the hilt with a long drawn-out moan, your name melted off his tongue like butter in a pan as he spanked your ass gently, his hand going downward in motion. “So much talk for someone who just takes dick easily like this, I just slid inside this cute pussy of yours." 
The flesh of your ass stung slightly but it only melted into pleasure that buzzed feeling him split you open on him, his dick thick and long made your toes curl then he rubbed fast circles on your clit grinning down at you grinding yourself against him like a dog in heat. 
You hated yourself for wanting him to fuck you like this, and you hated it more that he was right. 
“You have a small dick!” You hurled the insult at him while panting gripping the couch for dear life. 
Toji smirked and threw his head back howling with laughter as he picked up the pace angling his knees to go deeper, his leaky tip kissing your cervix in this position. “Yeah? Then why the fuck are you panting and mewling like a bitch in heat?” 
You hate him, the way he was able to make you feel and how you enjoyed it, the way his hands roamed all over your body squeezing and groping as he fucked you hard and fast from behind, his balls swinging as he put one foot on the arm of the couch holding your hips now. 
It was brutal the way he bullied your cunt, not with any care in the world as you arched your back moaning his name begging to cum again which only made him chuckle as he felt his own rise up, he pulled out jerking himself off using your slick as a lube to cum on your back. 
He panted and rubbed it on your skin as if it were lotion while he watched you sag on your couch, your legs almost giving out as he petted your back with a smirk. “You look good covered in my cum, I’ll see you later I’m sure.” He said with a grin patting your ass. 
After you heard your door click shut did you realize that maybe, Toji was right, you’d be crawling back to him. 
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arcadia345 · 1 year
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Astro observations🌺
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FYI I’m not a real astrologer, just my observations :) TW🔞
The cancer moon men I know are pretty chill and laid back + funny, but the women are so bitchy and moody😭 with a big sweet tooth
Every twin I know either has Gemini or Pisces placements
You ever meet someone and their neck just stands out for some reason added points if they smell good, most likely they’re a Taurus rising/ mars. Good example is Megan thee stallion her neck is so cute to me hehe
Aries in the chart can show you the things you were introduced to at a very young age, the early memories that you think of and say ‘That was wild lol’
3rd: could’ve started learning way before you started school(like flash cards and things) siblings and cousins, music, having access to electronics early
4th: erratic home life, the woman around you could be go getters
6th: could’ve got a lot of injuries when younger, probably couldn’t have a peaceful day even if you tried, bad experiences with animals
7th: domestic abuse, might have seen people having affairs, lots of disagreements between couples
12th:paranormal events, you could’ve had a lot of deja vu moments without even knowing, tend to have strong spiritual gifts,people having ill intentions towards you
Aquarius moon or degree/ moon in the 11th tend to have a “second mom” a person that treats them like their one of their own children, sometimes even better than their own mother does. 🌚
The people with mars in the first house I know have so many battle scars on their body
Moon/cancer in 3rd love changing their voices, and they have a bad habit of not telling the whole truth / white lies
Water sign on the descendent- people are always wondering what you’re up to, no matter how much you show them they’ll still wanna know what you’re hiding
Your first house correlates to how you came into this world, I have Chiron (ruled by Virgo) in my 12 conjunct my ascendant, uhm she said she almost d*ed having me😀 and I was a C-section baby. And the hospital did her so dirty(you know much they hate black women) they didn’t even stitch her back up correctly or drain her fluids and to this day she still has problems. The also gave her extra dosages of drugs just cause she’s a plus size woman- honestly I could go on and on but it really correlates with my cap rising and Neptune/Uranus in 1st
Mercury ☌ Sun, these people voices are just💋💋 they sound so sensual and unique ugh hard to explain it but 🥴 ex. Jungkook , Tupac
Gemini/ Libra in 2nd love collecting things like figurines makeup clothes candles plushies, could easily be a borderline hoarder tho
Ives noticed that sun in 10th have a strained relationship with their father, but their later years in life their relationship gets better, or not could really go either way, also could have money issues in their early years but ends up climbing the corporate ladder. It may take you a while to tho but just know it’ll be worth it in the end :) also they always stand out at their work place in some way, the coworker that you’re glad to see clock in at rush hour cause you know they gonna handle shit
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Venus- mercury positive aspects love giving out nicknames to their favorite people 🥺if they’re always calling you cute names just know they really care about you lol
Sag moons and degrees have no chill😀 like calm down bae sag anything tbh🚬
9th house ruler in the 11th could go to the same college with their old friends or could become very popular in the area they’re in, I think they’d make good bloggers
Air signs or degrees in 5th are trend setters.
Aquarius you inspire people, they could take things and make it into their own like art
With gemini here people will “copy & paste” ur looks. But no matter what it just looks like a knockoff version of what you did lmao it just never look as good as yours
Libra here people are very opinionated on how you express yourself either in a good way or bad, neither less you guys get a lot of compliments on your style
Every time I see a Capricorn rising with Neptune in the 1st it’s like their skin is see through and fragile😯makes sense tho since caps rule the skin and Neptune fogs things up. A good example is Ariana Grande her skin looks so delicate
Pluto/Scorpio in the 11th/11th house ruler in 8th, your friends could hate each other🤺 also they could have a rough life/childhood, trauma bonding or just experiencing traumatic events together is common here
Chiron in Aries (honestly any Aries placements it just depends on where it is), most people didn’t pay attention to them in their childhood in some way so they learned to be independent because of their lack of support cardinal things fr
That’s all for today! Give me a follow if you enjoyed💕
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sunshinereddie · 1 year
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i’ve been so busy with school these past few days and i haven’t wanted to come on tumblr because i know that it would just distract me but i have been thinking about this for DAYS and i am so excited to finally write it
so!!!!! expanding on this amazing hc that @gloomy-prince sent me, imagine it’s a few years later, and richie and eddie have just started dating. except richie is freaking out, because it’s almost eddie’s birthday and he doesn’t know what to get, and he’s talking to ben about it.
“it has to be perfect, you know?” richie says. “and everything i’ve though of so far, they’re good, but not perfect!”
ben thinks for a moment, thinking about the things that eddie likes. “why don’t you make him a mixtape?”
“a mixtape?”
“yeah, like, you could put together a a mix of his favourite songs, and songs that remind you of him, or something like that. i think he’d really like that.”
“hey, that’s not a half-bad idea!” richie says, his face lighting up. “i’ve already got a few songs in mind… plus, i could put on a bunch of those ABBA songs i know he loves.”
ben’s eyes widen at that. “you know that he likes ABBA?”
richie laughs. “ ‘course i do. he thinks i don’t, but i do. he’s got pretty shit-quality headphones, so i can hear the music through ‘em if he’s close enough. plus, i found the box of cd’s under his bed once when we were looking an extra bike helmet to loan georgie.”
ben smiles at that. he knows that eddie has always been so worried about what people would think if they knew he listened to bands like ABBA and bananarama, but to see richie act like this about it made ben believe that they were even more perfect for each other.
ben helps richie make the mixtape, telling richie all of eddie’s favourite songs, and having his heart feel very full after seeing some of the romantic songs that richie added because they remind him of eds.
and in the end, ben was right- eddie loved the mixtape. it was practically all he listened to after receiving it, and every time he did, he listened with a huge smile on his face, and feeling so very in love with richie.
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hypnotisedfireflies · 11 months
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Prompt Update
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Hi everyone! Okay, to help get my head on straight and bring you all up to speed on what this is looking like, here's quick rundown of what's happening with these.
First I just have to say I still haven't picked myself up off the floor: thank you all so much for being so supportive and interested in Driftersverse. I never expected this and then comments, asks, prompts etc just mean so much. And I really do want to do them (and all the love) justice by getting to as many as I possibly can but I am quite behind and need a rich benefactor so I can quit my job to catch up, lol.
Some stats: so far I've had 46 recorded prompts, plus a few casual conversations that didn't make it to my spreadsheet. Of these, we've had six stories combining about 15 prompts from about 12 different people. Then there's been a handful addressed here on Tumblr as drabbles/thoughts.
I have a lot to go. O_O This is what's coming up, but that doesn't mean anything not mentioned here isn't happening/won't be addressed in an ask/won't suddenly appear. I don't do one shots well and prefer to work prompt ideas in with each other to create a larger story. So it sometimes happens that I don't have an idea for something, but then another prompt sails in and they feed off one another.
Details below the cut ...
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THE AU
This will start on the morning of 28 September 2003 and is a Driftersverse AU of Tess and Joel meeting without the end of the world. It will probably be written a lot slower than usual stuff and hum along in the background while I continue to write canon-AU-Drifters stuff, so maybe like ... updated weekly or something. It has a 20-chapter outline so far and isn't done so ... yeah, there's that.
Bonus: There has already been a preview of this story buried in one of the others, if you can find it. ;)
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THE SUPPLEMENTARY STUFF
In writing all the extra material it made me realise there were a couple of things I overlooked in Drifter's Dawn. I promise not to George Lucas my own shit but I really think it will strengthen the story to add this supplementary material in. It's already kind of there but it's not pronounced enough and I think it's important. It will occur early in the extant story.
Bonus: There may also be an additional later chapter just before Boston.
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THE OC/SUPPORTING CHARACTER COLLECTION
So something I never expected was that my OCs would get so much love? That makes me just ... guys. O_O;;; There have been a few requests for stories that focus on these guys (still mostly with a Tessjoel bent) so I thought I would group these into one collection and it, like the AU, can hum along and be added to gradually. Characters featured here so far include Lachie and Rachel POVs, plus some supporting canons getting their own POV chapters like Maria and Ellie.
Bonus: Lachie-finds-out-what-Joel-did is probably the first one I'll write.
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THE OTHER STUFF
Then there's the other prompts that don't fit into the above categories that I'm really excited about writing - I'm going to try and priortise ones taking place prior to TLOU as my prompts so far have leaned heavily in the post-TLOU arena and I want to address some of the earlier ones.
Bonus: I had a prompt for more top!Tess and that may be one of the few one shots I do write because YES.
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capriciouscaprine · 24 days
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good morning! food bloggin tiem!
I've gotten a LOT done on my paper so far so I'm proud of that, but my fear is cutting it all back out again due to length, plus I really need 5-10 more references from 2019 or sooner and so far both papers I've referenced do not fit that
how am I supposed to stay under 45 pages double spaced when I also have to have 25 recent references in my lit review AND have a comprehensive analysis of my intervention and its effects on my students??? (then again, I am the type of person who doesn't understand how people can fit journaling into their morning routines bc I'll fill PAGES once I start writing)
I had my yogurt bowl and coffee for first breakfast (~200) and then homemade waffles from my mom that I had in my freezer for second breakfast ~4 hours later (proud of waiting that long, too!); had a coffee with a single serving of caramel cold cream from a spray bottle on top, and wow is 10 grams of that not a lot; I had to add an extra splash of milk to actually enjoy my coffee after all; waffles (two squares from one of those four square waffle makers, with margarine and sugar free syrup) and coffee all together were ~300, and I ended up not finishing them bc I was full!! (not gonna subtract any tho ;) )
which, while I feel full, it's like my need for taste sensation isn't satisfied yet? I'm going to have water with mio 0 c sweet tea flavoring added, which I've been trying and seems to work well; I guess I'm going to become a flavored water person??
my meal entertainment today has been annika's leaf vlogs, which are the perfect blend of aesthetic and realistic; yes, her breakfast is instagrammable and her gym sets match, but she still has to clean up crumbs and there are random vegetables smashed into the mats she has to avoid?? I mention her here bc I had a mini revelation: she went with a friend and got fancy 'coffee' (barely) drinks and cake from a cute cafe, had SOME of her drink while there, and then TOOK THE CAKE HOME FOR LATER
she didn't even try it at the cafe; she featured it next to her drink at the cafe in the vlog, and that was it! maybe this seems obvious to everyone else, but it never occurred to me that while yes, I can get the fancy cake from the cafe an hour from my house while I'm there with a friend, I don't have to eat it right then and there!!! sometimes I'd get nauseous feeling like I HAD to try and eat what I ordered wherever we were even tho I wasn't really hungry, and I didn't even realize this was an option!!
I feel like this is a holdover from being a kid; you HAD to get whatever it was right then and there with your mom/aunt/whoever bc who knew when you'd get to go back, but then my family at least would judge you for being wasteful if you didn't finish it NOW; I feel like this might be different for someone with a different family or regional culture, but food as a souvenir really was not a thing in my family, and now I'm understanding how that may have impacted my long term relationship with food: order everything you like the taste of NOW, bc you might NEVER get to have it again, and if you don't finish it before you leave that's WASTEFUL (and yes, we were a 'clean plate club' household, how did you guess? lmao)
I don't think I'll be able to address this aspect of my relationship with food until I've sorted out my finances (aka gotten a better paying job) and have more free time to go to these fun food places regularly and prove to myself that yes I can go back whenever I want so there's no need to gorge myself right now immediately
ugh, I wanna finish this paper but I don't want to go back to working on it ;_; ;_; ;_; I guess I could load the dishwasher at least??
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The Afterparty: Ulysses
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Omg you guys this episode was intense 😭 I have so many thoughts I’ll just mention the confirmed “Not ___” clue in a later post because I just need to get these thoughts down.
I think that the clue this week was in morse code when Ulysses said “Step, bump, step” and then “Step, bump, bump, step” when trying to get Vivian not to quit dancing with him. I’m not skilled enough in Morse code so if any of you can figure it out please reblog and tag it because I’m super curious as to whether or not that’s the case. I have three major takeaways from this episode but I’m unsure how they will play out in the final stretch.
Ulysses and Vivian’s Affair
I knew those two had an affair! From the first episode and that hushed conversation about ruining the family, I had a strong feeling that those two had an affair at some point and suspected he was the bio father of one or both girls but we now know it’s Grace. At least I think so. This back and forth over the paternity gave me whiplash. On one hand you’ve got some pretty strong clues: Grace is a great dancer, her birth happened around the time Vivian and Ulysses ended their affair, and the aggressive behavior Feng showed when Vivian claimed that she took a paternity test. I was inclined to believe she was telling the truth but Feng’s behavior leads me to believe otherwise. My question is: are we ever going to find out the truth or are they going to leave it as an open-ended mystery even after the killer is revealed?
Feng Seems Guilty AF but is the Bao Bing a Red Herring?
Over the past week, two redditors shared similar theories that Feng may be the killer. One straightforward theory is that Feng poisoned the bao bing and served it to Edgar. Another more evolved theory is that Feng tried to kill Ulysses but accidentally killed Edgar instead. In Ulysses’ telling of the evening, he asked Feng if he could taste some of the bao bing but was told that it was only for Edgar so I don’t think Feng planned to kill Ulysses at that particular moment. But let’s say Feng did poison the bao bing: It might be a two birds one stone situation because maybe he planned to kill Edgar and pin it on Ulysses and therefore still keep the family secret and get the two “threats to the family” out of the way. I’m sorry but I’m not sold just yet on this being the method of poisoning Edgar. It all just seems very convenient and we have yet to hear Feng, Isabel, and Vivian’s stories to confirm or deny that he’s guilty. I feel so bad for him though because he was at home taking care of Zoë, maintaining the house and working only to be treated like a fool. Also how wild is it that both Grace and her mom are cheaters? 😭
The Koumis Was Simply Just Koumis
I stand corrected and Ulysses is who he says he is. I really like him after this episode and I hope he can find the peace he needs. Also I hope he can get over Vivian because life is too short to be caught up on someone who will never be able to give their 100% to you. If Grace is in fact his daughter, I hope they can make up for lost time. One thing did stand out to me though: Ulysses added koumis to the Dutch babies instead of buttermilk. There are at least three theories circulating that the camel’s milk may actually be an antidote or that there may have been several poison/antidote situations going on throughout the reception and Afterparty. If Ulysses did in fact use it as an antidote that could point to him being guilty but I just don’t think he had anything to gain from killing Edgar. Plus he didn’t get a chance to poison the bao bing himself because Feng carried it over to Edgar. I feel like if he knew that Edgar was poisoned he would have intervened because he’s more helpful alive than dead and could have funded any extra paternity tests needed.
Brainstorming
Now that we’re nearing the end, motives are becoming clear and tensions are high meaning people will slip up. I’m not sure how to elaborate on it but here’s my list of people most to least likely to need Edgar dead:
Feng: Edgar would have revealed Vivian and Ulysses’s affair and ruined Grace’s life
Vivian: Same as Feng; Despite the affair, she clearly loves her husband and doesn’t want her family to be ruined
Grace: No prenup means she and Hannah can run away with his money
Hannah: Getting Edgar out of the way not only frees up money but removed him as a rival for Grace’s love
Ulysses: Killing Edgar would protect Grace but I don’t think he even thought of Edgar as a threat
Sebastian: Edgar is worth more alive than dead because now the crypto stock will crash and he’s liable for the scam they were running
Isabel: She’s already rich; Even if Edgar was drugging her, the amount of time spent lucid may not have been enough for her to formulate a plan to kill him and then remember the whole thing when the time for action came
Travis: Killing Edgar would not benefit him because he needed Edgar alive to catch him in the act of fleeing the country or whatever scam he was trying to pull off
Zoë: She doesn’t know about Vivian and Ulysses’s affair so there’s no secret to protect; All we know is that she didn’t approve of her sister marrying Edgar. She must suspect someone though and I wonder if they’ll save that suspicion for the season finale.
And that is my lengthy thought process after tonight’s episode. What do you guys think is going on? My head is spinning and I cannot wait for Feng’s episode next week and all the found footage Kyler compiled over the weekend. Depending on when the clue is solved, I might update later tonight or tomorrow. See you sleuths next week!
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thewordworrier · 10 months
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A Cardboard Box Of Photos Of The Life We Made
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Word Count: 6,913  words. (This might’ve gotten away from me a bit.) Notes: ~ Title from “Timeless” by Taylor Swift. ~ I was quite inspired by Timeless [Taylor’s Version, From The Vault] for this one. Clearly. And I already have a piece hidden in my files regarding photographs, Shelly’s grandparents and the video shoot for The Ghost Of You. So that song reminded me of that too. ~ While this is another of my “inspired by Taylor’s new music” pieces, this one isn’t really a continuation of the other two. Sometimes you’re just not inspired that way, and I am pretty mentally invested in Shelly’s MCR-U timeline at the moment. ~ I do have an almost complete list of the contents (it’ll make sense when you read it.) ~ There are parts of this that are actually gross (affectionate) - like, who gave them the right? ~ I am not totally happy with the ending but it works.
~#~ [Setting: During the massive tour for The Black Parade.] It was close to the time of the holidays - Thanksgiving had been a quiet, to themselves at home, kinda affair because they were just so tired and worn out. Especially after all of the dramatics of ProRev. And it looked like the break for Christmas might end up going the same way - they both loved touring; Gerard loved performing for the fans and Shelly loved watching her band come alive on stage while she worked in the background to make sure that everything went as smoothly as possible. She would also fully, readily, happily admit that she had loved watching them perform and having them sort of flirt with her while they were on stage - because they all did it. It didn’t matter if she was down in the ‘press pit’ or if she was watching from the side stage. She’d get winks and blown kisses and all kinds of flirty behaviours from all of them. They had been especially “bad” during the ProRev tour, especially flirty and suggestive. Then again, there had been a reason for that. She had tried to get them to tone it down a little but, when they had been so insistent, how was she supposed to stop them? Plus there was something just so… Extra swoon worthy about the way Gerard looked at her while he was a) on stage - because he wasn’t normally so obvious with his affection in public, and b) dressed up like that - all suited and booted and so damn delicious. He almost looked like he was glowing. Shelly knew that he flourished on stage, but she’d never seen him look like that before. It was insanely attractive though. Naturally, Gerard checked in with Shelly when it came to their plans for Christmas, and he was (maybe not so secretly) relieved when she, albeit shyly, admitted that she was kinda looking forward to some time without other people. “I’m tired Gee,” she said softly, snuggling against him as they cuddled on their couch. “I’m enjoying the tour but there’s so many people, all of the time.” “And so much travelling,” he added with a nod. “Mm, it might be nice to just keep our feet on the ground for a little bit before we have to do it all again later,” Shelly hummed happily as he pressed kisses to the top of her head. “Okay. We’ll stay home if that’s what you want.” Shelly moved away from him so she could look at him properly. “Babe, if you wanna go home and see family for the holidays, or whatever it is you want, you can do that. You don’t have to stay stuck to my side. We can do things apart.” Gerard hooked his fingers under her chin to draw her forward so he could press a kiss to her lips. He felt her smile as he kissed her and that just made him smile. “I know we’re not attached at the hip,” he said quietly, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. “I know that. But, I have spent almost every holiday of my life so far with my family. I would very much like to spend this one with you. Especially if it’s a quiet one in this otherwise really loud period of time.” “Are you sure?” Shelly whispered. He nodded. “Very sure, love. Very sure. We don’t even have to have a traditional holiday meal if you don’t want to.” Shelly tilted her head at him. “I mean, I’ll help you cook, obviously, I’m not gonna leave you to do anything alone, that’s not fair.” “Well,” she said with a slight grin. “Maybe you should leave me to do the cooking.” Gerard fake gasped. “Shelly, that’s rude!” She giggled and kissed him gently. “Might still need you to carry things and be all manly and stuff though.” “Hmn. I’m sure I can manage that. I think I can throw in some emotional support and maybe even some jar opening as a bonus.” She laughed, he grinned and they settled down to relax some more. ~#~ Not too long later, still during their ‘winter break,’ obviously, Gerard returned to the bedroom after showering to see Shelly already mostly dressed and ready for the day. “Shell, did you have plans for today?” “I have a few errands that I need to go out for,” Shelly checked her make-up in the mirror. “I did wonder why you were putting on make-up,” Gerard wrapped his arms around her from behind, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck. “Not that you need it in the slightest.” “You’re so biased though,” she hummed and giggled, making him smile. “Nope. You don’t need it,” he leant his chin on her shoulder. “But I’m never going to stop you wearing it if that’s what you want. I don’t own you or control you, love.” Shelly hummed happily and almost purred at him as she leant back against him. “And I love you for that, really. But, I gotta be presentable in public.” “Do you want me to come with you?” Shelly twisted in his arms, leant hers on his shoulders and raised an eyebrow at him. “And have my tasks take twice as long because you get distracted, or because we get a little bit mobbed?” Gerard grinned guiltily. “Yeah, okay, fair point…” “Besides,” she leant up on her tiptoes to kiss him gently. “How am I supposed to look for your Christmas present when you’re with me?” “Babe,” he kissed her back, holding her tightly. “You don’t have to get me anything, you know that.” “Gerard,” she gave him A Look. “I’m going to buy you a gift. You can’t stop me.” He opened his mouth to try and counter that, only for her to continue. “More to the point, you won’t stop me, because you know that gift giving makes me happy. And you love seeing me happy.” “Hmm,” he nuzzled her and kissed her jaw. “That’s true. Seeing you happy is my favourite thing after all.” “Sap,” she mumbled, unable to keep the smile off of her face. “Did you need me to get anything for you while I’m out?” “Hmmm,” he held her a little tighter. “I don’t think so. I can always go out by myself tomorrow or something. Do you want me to do anything while you’re out?” Shelly thought about it before shaking her head. “I don’t think so.” “Okay. Well, you can text me if you think of something, and I can text you if I do too.” “Sure love,” Shelly unwound herself from him and went to finish getting ready to go out. He was on the couch when she left, not without first kissing him goodbye and whispering ‘I love you’ of course. And, naturally, he said it back. Not just because it was true, but because he knew that she always wanted those to be the last words she said to him, to anyone. If something bad were to happen while she was out. It was why she never went to sleep angry, it was why she never left a building in the middle of an argument. And he got it, really he did. The door shut behind her and he looked around the apartment. It wasn’t bad, it was fairly nice, actually. Just because they weren’t in it much while they were touring, didn’t mean it couldn’t be nice. It was enough for the pair of them, as they were. Obviously, if their relationship continued from strength to strength, and levelled up, he’d buy a house. Something on tv startled him out of his thoughts and he was reminded that yes, it was December. It was nearly Christmas. And the apartment didn’t have any decorations up. He was sure that they had some - not many, but some. He could do that while she was out, then he could maybe see about picking up anything they were missing when he next went out. He still had to find Shelly a Christmas present anyway, so he’d have to go out at some point. Not that he really knew what he wanted to get her, but he believed that he’d know when he saw it. Gerard finished his coffee and started hunting around for the boxes of Christmas decorations he swore they had. He initially thought he’d found them when he found a box of neatly coiled Christmas lights and tinsel - yup, Shelly had definitely put these away. He probably wouldn’t’ve taken the time to wind them that neatly. His moment of victory was brief because the box he pulled out after the tinsel and lights didn’t have decorations in it at all. Despite its size (just a little bit bigger than a shoebox, in fact, it might’ve been a shoebox in a previous life - or one that contained a pair or boots or something), Gerard had still been hopeful that it might’ve contained some smaller tree ornaments or something. Nope, nothing of the sort. It didn’t even have anything holiday related in it at all. Gerard knelt on the floor, carefully going through the box in front of him. The box was full of magazine clippings, newspaper articles, flyers, a copy of the ‘programme’ from the Helena video. Strange things - like a small bag of… Was that confetti? One of his dog collars from when he decided dressing as a priest was a good idea. (And, god, it really was.) Not so strange things, like guitar picks and a Revenge Era knuckleduster bracelet. And photos. So many photos. A couple of semi professional looking ones from performances but the majority of them were candids. Including one of her in the studio with them when they were recording Revenge. She had the softest expression on her face - full of sympathy but she also looked hurt, almost. He remembered that, actually. He hadn’t known that she was there until after he’d finished belting out Desert Song. He left the booth to join the others, to see what they thought and had come face to face with the tiny, cosily dressed blonde. And the others too, of course. She had looked at him like she had wanted to dash over and hug him, but seemed a little shy about it. (She did, later in fact, wrap him up in a tight hug when they found themselves alone and the conversation turned around to the music again. He swore that she had tears in her eyes when they broke apart.) He hadn’t been aware that someone had caught that look on her face on camera. Just like that second photo Frank had taken when they’d been doing the ‘soldier's wallet’ photos during the filming of The Ghost of You. The first photo of him with Shelly was them looking at the camera - he remembered Shelly rolling her eyes slightly before doing it. But the second was of them glancing at each other. God, had they always looked at each other like that? He knew he’d looked at her like that for ages - there was even video proof. From the Helena shoot, specifically; the camera focused on Tracey teaching a suited up (god that had been hot) Shelly a dance move or two, and then it had panned over to where he’d been watching them. Well. He’d been watching Shelly specifically. She’d worn a suit! A well fitted, incredibly hot, suit! How was he supposed to not look? Gerard shook his head and looked through the box a little more. More almost-professional photos, group shots of them from before they headed out to awards shows, because Shelly always liked to get one or two before they left, in the relative privacy of their hotel rooms or whatever. Plus it meant that they could get one or two with her in them as well. More candids of her with them - individually, or in groups. A few of just him, maybe a few of her helping him with his make-up. He still enjoyed that, actually. This box was an inevitable treasure trove of the band’s history, he thought as he looked through it for a little longer. And possibly the history of their relationship. He knew that she was sentimental but… This was special. She’d been collecting this stuff since even before they’d gotten together - this was more for the band, their relationship was just a bonus addition. She really had always been in it for the music, for them. He knelt on the floor, slowly looking through the box for a little bit longer, until his phone chirped in his pocket, startling him. He quickly (but still neatly) put the things back in the box and put it back before getting to his feet and pulling his phone out of his pocket. Apparently it wasn’t an important notification, which annoyed him, but, on the other hand, it meant he could stop looking through this box that he thought was supposed to be hidden, and he could go back to hunting for their decorations. Because he was still certain that they had some. Gerard found the decorations not too long later and felt incredibly pleased that he’d been right. Sure, it was only a small tree, nothing large and grand like he imagined they’d have when they got their house - you had to have a big tree for the kids, you know? Once he’d dug out the smaller tree, he found the rest of their minimal decorations and started putting them up, pausing to make a note in his phone to pick up more Christmas lights, because he knew Shelly liked them. She thought a room looked cosier when those were the only lights on, and having spent a Christmas with her family where this sort of thing happened, he agreed. Maybe he could see if he could get some that had warm, white lights instead of coloured bulbs. She’d look good under that kind of light. He left the box of tree decorations for her to help him with - he knew that was her favourite part. She’d never really told him, but he remembered seeing her help her family with the tree in the second sitting room, that they’d left undecorated just so she could help them when they knew she’d be returning home for Christmas that year. When she realised that they'd left that tree for her, her face had lit up brighter than the Christmas lights he'd helped them untangle. He knew that she’d want to help with these ornaments, even if the tree was their little one. And he definitely wanted her to be the one to put the tree topper on. Maybe one day he’d be lifting their kid up to do it, because she’d totally pass the duty on like that. Gerard hummed a little to himself as he finished up with the decorations before going to make himself a coffee, standing in the doorway with it to inspect his work. He hoped that he’d done a good enough job for her, that she’d approve and not want to move anything. She deserved the best after all, and he just wanted to give that to her. Once he decided that actually, he’d done a pretty decent job, he settled down and started to make a list of what he thought they were missing. He knew for certain that he wanted to get some warm white holiday/fairy lights for the bedroom - they’d be nice around the headboard and they could stay up all year. He had the feeling that she’d like that. He was relaxing when she got home, all stretched out on the couch, completely engrossed in whatever it was he was reading. Shelly stood in the doorway, watching him for a moment, a small smile on her face. She could kinda imagine a small child scampering up to snuggle up with him while he read. Maybe he could read to them like that - she used to love it when her family read to her as a child and it was especially lovely when she was able to curl up on her grandfather’s lap as he read to her. She definitely wanted that for her own kids. She was so distracted by him that it took her a little longer to realise that their Christmas decorations had been pulled out of the cupboard and put up. Everything except the ornaments for their small tree. That went straight to her heart, and she wondered if he remembered. “Hi,” she said softly after a minute. Gerard almost jumped a little, but quickly sat up and put his book aside. “Hey, love. Successful trip?” Shelly hummed and nodded. “I think so, yeah. I managed to get all my errands done at least, but I still haven’t managed to find you a gift yet.” He rolled his eyes and crossed the room to wrap his arms around her. “You still don’t need to get me anything.” “I know more of what I don’t want to get you than what I do,” she smiled as he nuzzled the tip of his nose against hers. “I’m still going to get you something.” “I don’t need anything,” Gerard kissed her forehead. “I have you, we have a home, we have our friends and family. We’re financially stable and I’m very happy. Are you?” “Of course I am,” Shelly replied without hesitation. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to buy you things. You know you’re not gonna win this.” “Hmm,” he squeezed her gently. “Yeah, that’s true. You are very stubborn.” “Hey, it helps me in my job, so it benefits you.” “It benefits all of us. You do such a good job at looking after us.” Shelly hummed again for a moment as she snuggled against his chest. “I see you’ve been busy while I’ve been out.” “Oh! Yes, I figured it might be a nice thing for you to come home to,” he leant his cheek on the top of her head and turned her so she could see the living room again. “I think we’re missing a few things - I either can’t find them or we just don’t have them.” “Probably don’t have them,” Shelly nodded against him. “How do you think I did?” Shelly unwound herself from him and wandered further into the room to have a look. “I figured I could pick up anything we didn’t have when I go out tomorrow,” he continued, watching her. “You did good babe,” Shelly stopped by their little tree. “But… What’s the deal with this?” Gerard hummed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I remember spending Christmas with your family. I remember how much you lit up when they showed you the undecorated tree in the back living room.” Shelly blinked rapidly, just looking at him. He swallowed and continued softly. “I know it’s not the biggest tree, but I know it’s kinda tradition for you and, even though you’re not at home right now, I didn’t want to take that away from you.” “I didn’t… I didn’t realise that you’d noticed that,” she said quietly, smiling at the memory. “How could I not? You shine when you’re with your family anyway, you’re completely in your element, but you were almost fluorescent when you realised what was going on.” She crossed the room very quickly, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard. His hands found her waist pretty quickly and he kissed her back just as hard - why wouldn’t he? She was his woman and kissing her was his favourite thing. Okay. One of his favourite things. “Stop it,” she whispered. “Stop what?” He tucked some of her hair behind her ear. “Being so… So…” She waved a hand. “So perfect.” “Oh, Shelly, you know I’m not,” he let her go as she took a step back. “I’m nothing of the sort.” She gave him one of her looks and he grinned back at her. “You’re a flawed human being, just like the rest of us,” she said gently. “But that doesn’t stop you from being perfect for me, Gerard Way.” Gerard just stared at her until she kissed his cheek and made her way back into the hallway. “Stay there,” she called over her shoulder. “Don’t follow me.” He did as he was told, even going to sit back on the couch and back to his book for a moment, which meant that he didn’t see Shelly taking bags from the front door to… Wherever she hid things when she had surprises tucked up her sleeve. “Okay,” she said a few minutes later, returning to him. “That’s all sorted and put away.” “Oh!” He put his book down and looked at her. “I wanted to ask you something actually.” Shelly frowned and sat down. “I don’t like the sound of that…” “It’s nothing bad, I promise,” he kissed her cheek and moved to his feet. “I’ll be back in a second. You can stay there.” “I was gonna,” she said with a grin. “My feet hurt a little bit.” Gerard laughed softly, retrieved the box and made his way back to the living room. “Um,” he said quietly as he sat next to her, putting the box on the table. “I was looking for the decorations and I found this…” Shelly looked from the box in his hands to his face as soon as he returned to the room. When it clicked what he was holding, her eyes widened and she looked a little worried. “Um,” she echoed softly. “Did you… Go through it?” “Yeah,” Gerard admitted. “I only opened it because I thought it was Christmas stuff.” “What made you go through it?” Shelly asked, reaching for the box to put it on her knees. “Curiosity,” he said, watching her open the box and start to go through it herself. “Are you mad at me?” “That depends,” she said quietly, looking at some of the photos. “On what?” He shifted his body to face her a bit more. “Whether you think it’s creepy and weird at all.” Her voice was so quiet he almost didn’t hear her. “Shell…” Gerard gently grabbed her chin to make her look at him. “Why would I think that?” She went a little bit pink. “Because it is kinda weird?” Gerard hummed, leant forward and pressed a kiss to her lips, his hand cupping her cheek and giving it a gentle, affectionate squeeze before he moved it back to his lap. “I don’t think it is. I don’t think any of the stuff you have in that box is weird.” “Y- you don’t?” She blinked rapidly and glanced back down inside the box. “Nope. It’s not like you’re keeping used tissues or old socks or anything.” Shelly pulled a face and he laughed, edging closer to wrap an arm around her waist. “No,” he continued. “All this stuff makes sense to me. And, it helps that I know that you’re a very sentimental little creature.” She looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. “Creature?” “Part lion, part regular cat, part teeny tiny woman,” Gerard grinned down at her. “Frank would say part fox, and I’m inclined to agree.” Shelly went pink but she smiled. “He’s a flirt and I’m surprised Jaima lets him get away with it.” “She only does it because it doesn’t upset you,” he kissed the top of her head and watched her go through the box some more. “She’s a good woman and deserves some kinda award for putting up with Frank.” Gerard laughed and leant his cheek against her hair, before reaching into the box and pulling out the little bag of confetti. “I did wanna ask though, what’s this from?” “The video for Welcome,” Shelly tried not to giggle as he let out a ‘ohhhh!’ before he put it back. “I originally didn’t pick up that much, but I think we were all shedding it for a few hours afterwards, so I gathered that too.” “Why the confetti though?” “Because the video was huge!” She looked at him. “I knew the album was going to be Really Something Else.” “Like you knew that we would be?” Gerard said softly, tucking her hair behind her ear. She nodded once. “Like I knew you guys would be. And I haven’t been wrong yet, have I?” He smiled. “No ma’am.” Shelly giggled and leant up to kiss him once. “You really don’t think it’s weird?” Gerard shook his head as they went back to looking through the box again. “No. No, I really don’t.” “I’m just so proud,” Shelly whispered as she picked up a photo of the band receiving a ‘Best Album’ award for Three Cheers. “I’m so proud of you guys I could burst. And I wanna remember it all.” “I love that about you,” he picked up a different photo; the one of her watching him sing Desert Song in the studio. “I love that you’ve always cared.” Shelly went pink as she looked at the photo he was holding. “Yeah, well, of course I have. It’s always meant something to me. I mean, look at my tattoo.” Gerard picked up a couple of newspaper clippings - one smaller one from much earlier in their career, and one larger one that was more recent. “The bigger we get, the bigger these clippings get.” “I know,” she beamed. “I love it.” “I love you,” he kissed the tip of her nose, making her giggle softly. “And I’d be just as proud even if we weren’t together,” she said. “Our relationship has nothing to do with any of that.” “I know. You were proud here,” he gestured to any of the photos of them receiving awards for Revenge. “And we weren’t together.” Shelly hummed in acknowledgement and smiled as she picked up one of her and Gerard sat close together at a table with his art stuff spread in front of him. She was clearly listening to him as he showed her something he’s been working on, and she was truly listening because he had her full attention. He had a smile on his face and he was obviously talking with his hands, so they must’ve been sitting there together for some time for him to get to that stage. “I think Mikey got that one,” Gerard said. “You’ve always listened like that.” “Especially to you when you’ve been willing to talk about your art,” Shelly almost snuggled against his side. “It’s a very special thing when a creative type wants to talk about their work with you.” “Now it’s your turn to stop it,” he muttered into her hair as she shuffled the box contents around for a moment. “Nope, shan’t,” she grinned up at him and smiled when he kissed her. “There’s one more thing?” “Mm?” She held up the priest collar, which upon further inspection now she’d turned it over, had a lipstick print on it - right where the white would’ve shown between the the two sides of his shirt collar. “You don’t think me keeping this is weird?” Gerard glanced at the lipstick mark and the memory of how it got there, or rather what happened afterwards, came back to him rather quickly. He must’ve blushed because Shelly giggled. “Absolutely not,” he grinned. “Hmn! I didn’t think so,” she put it back in the box and closed the lid. “Put that back for me? Unless you wanted to ask me about anything else in it?” He shook his head, picked up the box and went to put it away, returning to cuddle with her for a little bit afterwards. Not for long though, as soon Shelly was letting out a soft “oh!” before getting up and darting back into the hallway. Gerard watched the doorway with a raised eyebrow as she reappeared with something behind her back. She rocked on her feet slightly with a bright smile and giggled when she saw the look on his face. “What’ve you got there, sweetheart?” Shelly giggled again. “Well, it’s not exactly a Christmas gift. And it’s not technically just for you, but I bought them while I was thinking of you…” Gerard pushed himself to his feet and took a few steps towards her, stopping when she took a step back. “Oh? And what do you have there, pretty girl?” She smiled and moved the bag in front of her, standing holding onto it with both hands - like when she stood with her hands clasped in front of her. Gerard’s eyes followed her hands, then dropped to the logo on the bag. He recognised that logo - it belonged to one of her favourite lingerie stores. Personally, any lingerie store she chose to shop at was his favourite because she looked incredible in anything, but he recognised the logo from that one as he’d sometimes find her browsing their online store. Sometimes she’d even let him pick. “Well,” she lifted the bag up closer to her face, opening it and looking inside. “There’s a couple of things in here, so…” “Are you suggesting what I hope you’re suggesting?” He tried not to sound too optimistic - normally when she bought multiple pieces it meant that he got a fashion show. “Well that depends,” she closed the bag and looked at him. “On… What?” Shelly couldn’t prevent the grin from spreading across her face. “Did you bring home any of those feather boas?” ~#~ When the band reconverged to continue the tour, it didn’t take Gerard long to get everyone in the same room. Except Shelly - she was off doing whatever it was she did, working her magic powers, but that suited him just fine. “What’s the deal?” Mikey asked, settling in a spot next to Lux. “Yeah dude,” Frank settled in a chair. “Where’s the fire?” Gerard glanced around to make sure everyone was listening and that Shelly hadn’t snuck back. Once he was satisfied that it was safe, he exhaled slowly and started telling them about the box; the photos, the newspaper clippings, (he might’ve left out the fact that she kept one of his priest collars. They didn’t need to know that bit) - the confetti and the comment she’d made to him when she’d been explaining that - about how she knew that the album, the video was going to be Really Something - like she knew that they were going to be that too. The others got a bit choked up at that, actually. “Lux,” he said. “Did you know that she’s kept a pair of your broken drumsticks?” The other woman smiled and nodded. “Yeah, of course. She asked for them, so I gave them to her. She said she was proud that I’d played that hard.” “Did you also know that she kept the friendship bracelet you made her?” Gerard tilted his head. “It’s actually tied neatly around the drumsticks to keep them together.” Lux softened considerably at that. “I… Didn’t know that, no.” “I’m not sure why you’re surprised,” Ray said kindly. “We all know that she’s super sentimental.” “She’s still got the keyring from her first Band Mom day,” Mikey added. “I bet she still has the bear too,” Frank grinned, looking at Gerard - he’d been the one to get the bear after all. Gerard coughed slightly. “Yeah, she does. But, she’s also still got the preserved rose petals from that first Band Mom’s day too. Picks from you guys,” he nodded to the three guys. “From every time you changed the designs. She had a knuckle duster bracelet in there too.” “Is it the same one she wore to death?” Frank asked, his eyebrows raising as Gerard shook his head. “A new one? She could sell that for a fortune.” “She won’t,” Gerard continued. “She said she keeps gathering all this stuff because she wants to remember all of it, the band’s entire journey. She’s so fuckin’ proud of us.” “Yeah,” Frank swallowed the little lump in his throat. “Yeah, you can tell when she talks about us to others - you can even tell if you’re reading something she’s written about us.” “You can feel the pride coming off of her in waves,” Ray added with a nod. “She cares, she’s always cared.” Gerard nodded at his brother’s statement before continuing. “At the bottom of that box were a flyer and magazine clipping regarding the gig we first met her at. And her ticket.” “Her tattoo not enough?” Frank said with a grin. “Apparently not, but I don’t even have it in me to mind,” Gerard shook his head. “Where are you going with this?” Lux asked gently. Gerard hesitated for a moment, chewing his bottom lip. “I… I guess I never really realised just how much… How much she is, you know?” They looked at him, slightly confused. “How much she values the memories, how much she cares and has always cared, how much she truly believes in us. Even before we got together - she’s always felt like that.” “She fights for us,” Ray said. “She fights for what you believe in, even when you forget and need a reminder,” Lux grinned, gesturing to herself as she remembered what she’d been told about the conversation around the table when they’d been looking to hire a drummer. “How it’s never been for the paycheque,” Gerard continued, nodding to Lux. “Like, I knew, but it’s never really sunk in like this before.” The others nodded at that. “About the money thing…” Frank said slowly. “She told me once that she doesn’t really need it. She never has. It’s nice, but she doesn’t need it. She’s never shown me proof or anything but I’ve never asked her for it. I just believe her.” “She’s just so genuine, she’s so honest.” Gerard listened to the hums of approval before he cleared his throat softly. “Guys, I almost asked her to marry me over Christmas.” There was a few seconds of silence while that sentence sunk in for everyone, but as soon as it did he was hit with a wall of noise. “Dude!” “What?!” “What do you mean ‘almost'?!” “Seriously?” The vocalist chuckled nervously and took a step back from the onslaught. “Um! Well, let me explain!” Lux folded her arms and stared at the older man. “This better be good Gerard!” Gerard felt incredibly nervous under the drummer’s stare - she was incredibly protective of Shelly and he was pretty certain that she wouldn’t be afraid of punching him if his answer wasn’t adequate. It was a fair feeling on the drummer’s part - everyone was pretty protective of Shelly, just like she was protective of them too. But he was way more scared of the girl from Arizona than he was of any of the other guys. “Okay,” he started, addressing Lux more than the others, even though he knew the others were listening and judging him just as much as she was. “This whole situation with this… Memory box? Just really dug in how much I love her, how much I love every single part of her.” Lux raised an eyebrow at him and he swallowed. This was worse than being introduced to Shelly’s family as her boyfriend for the first time. “I mean! Obviously, she’s gorgeous! Look at her!” “I do, quite frequently,” Frank said with a grin, quickly shrinking back and almost ducking behind Ray as Lux glared at him. “But it’s more than that; I love every part of her personality,” Gerard glanced at Lux. “C’mon Lux, you know that I do. Don’t look at me like that.” She nodded. “Continue.” He sighed and shook his head slightly. “Going through that box just reminded me of a lot of things that I’d temporarily forgotten about, and it just… Cemented exactly how much I love her and…” The others looked at each other before looking back at him. “And how much she’s it for me now,” he continued softly. “I don’t want anything else with anyone else. It’s all with her or nothing. I wanna help her continue filling that box with all of those memories.” Mikey smiled a little to himself at his brother, but his smile turned into a grin when he saw Lux almost melting out of the corner of his eye. She was trying not to squeal, he could tell. “That doesn’t explain how you almost asked her to marry you though,” Frank pointed out. Lux blinked rapidly, almost having forgotten about that. “Oh! Yeah!” Gerard cleared his throat. “So, it was after this memory box thing, maybe about a week? I don’t know. But we were sitting on the couch in the evening, music playin’, the Christmas lights on, I think she was reading? I don’t really know, but she just looked so peaceful and so beautiful, and I kept thinking about that box and everything she’s done for us, all the things she’s handled -” Frank was about to make some kind of dirty comment, but a glare from Lux made him close his mouth again. “And I nearly just blurted it out!” Gerard continued, covering his face and huffing for a moment. “Just, sat in our apartment on a random evening in December, while she was wearing sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt! She never would’ve forgiven me!” There was a collective snort. “Yeah, she would’ve,” Ray spoke first. “Because she’s so in love with you it’s disgusting,” Mikey continued. The others nodded in agreement. “That’s not the -” Gerard shook his head. “I only wanna do this once, you know? And, more to the point, Shelly deserves better than that. She deserves the best proposal I can manage - she deserves the whole show, you know? More than letting the question slip out with little preparation or thought. She deserves the world, and I wanna give it to her.” He huffed again softly as he looked around his band, looking over at Lux last. “Is that a good enough reason, Miss Lux?” “You’re damn right she deserves the world,” she rubbed the corner of her eye a little, brushing away a sneaky tear. “And yeah, she deserves a better proposal than that!” “Even though she wouldn’t mind, as long as it was heartfelt,” Frank added. “But still!” Lux continued. “Now you gotta do it properly!” “I know,” Gerard nodded. “Don’t screw it up!” “Believe me, I’m going to be doing everything in my power to get it right, but I -” A knock on the door cut him off and Frank gave permission for the person to enter. The door opened and Shelly returned to the room. “Shell, you don’t need to knock, let alone wait for permission,” Frank said with a frown. “You know that.” “I always knock and wait for permission,” she shrugged, crossing the room to be closer to them, to Gerard specifically. The singer automatically wrapped an arm around her waist, gently pulling her closer to him before he replied; “but it’s just us.” She snorted. “Even more reason to knock and wait. You could be up to mischief.” “I’m hurt and insulted,” Frank grinned at her. “Everything okay? All your spells cast and traps set?” “Traps?” Shelly looked at him innocently. “I don’t know what you mean.” “I think he’s referring to the fact that you always seem to get your way for us,” Mikey added. Shelly hummed. “Mm, no traps. I’m just very good at what I do.” Gerard tried not to blush too much, because his mind definitely didn’t keep that clean. Unfortunately, Frank noticed and grinned. “Gerard seems to agree with that statement.” Ray rolled his eyes, Mikey groaned and Lux threw a tied up Oreo wrapper at him. “Stop it,” she said. “Don’t be rude.” While this was happening, Shelly glanced up at Gerard who just smiled at her. She giggled, leant up a tiny bit and kissed his cheek before turning her attention back to the others. “Kittens,” Shelly said gently and affectionately, a mild warning tone creeping into her voice. Gerard glanced at Shelly when he heard the start of that ‘mom tone’ - it didn’t get used on him, oh no. She had a completely different tone of voice for him if or when he misbehaved… But hearing the ‘mom tone’ didn’t help him with trying to forget that he’d been thinking about them having kids a lot as of late. Lux stuck her tongue out at Frank, who did exactly the same back. “Children,” the tone in her voice was a bit more obvious now. “Behave yourselves.” “Frank started it, Shell,” Mikey said. Shelly hummed. “Don’t care, finish it yourselves or I’ll finish it for you.” “Yes mom,” Frank pouted, getting an eye roll (but also a smile) from Shelly. “Sorry Shell,” Lux said genuinely. “‘S alright,” she said, handing out some paperwork. “Just behave for a little bit, so I can get these details, then I can run off and you can go back to teasing each other. Or whatever mischief you were up to before I walked in.” “Why do you always assume that we’re up to something?” Frank asked, taking the sheets. “Because you normally are and I feel like this time is no different.” Gerard shuffled in his spot, still next to her while trying not to look at anything other than the papers in his hand. The others, meanwhile, shared looks. “Oh Shelly,” Frank said with a grin. “You have no idea.”
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clatterbane · 5 months
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Currently in baking: something easy and hopefully decent, adding some defrosted frozen broccoli and cauliflower in with one of the chilled vacuum packs of cheesy potatoes which are pretty popular here. (And also pretty good.) Plus some extra packaged cheese sauce we happened to have, as required. Because that's looking like an awful lot of extra vegetable to that amount of potato stuff.
I have combined cheesy broccoli and/or cauliflower in with scalloped potatoes before, just not like this. Don't see why this approach wouldn't work too.
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Assembled and ready to go in! I seasoned the vegetables with that fairly mild herb salt, poured some of the cheese sauce over it because it did look like it would need it, then layered the potato pack over top. Level everything out with a spoon, grind some extra white pepper over the top, and it should be good to go in there with a foil hat for the first part. Going to uncover the pan and top it off with some grated cheese the last 15 minutes or so.
Since I did manage to save the necessary spoons with that dish, we're getting slightly more involved for the rest.
The last grocery delivery, I somehow ended up with 3 big bags of on-sale frozen chicken breasts instead of the one I thought I had ordered. So, tonight it's chicken time! Now that I can actually eat it again.
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With a makeshift stuffing that I came up with, based on combining several other recipes that I vaguely recall seeing. We've got some jarred pesto with added chili, a cream cheese, a little lazy pecorino for extra flavor, and a few breadcrumbs just to help keep it all together better--to go into the bowl with a big crushed clove of garlic. The same seasoned salt is on standby, in case it needs some.
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About as unphotogenic as you might expect, but it tastes pretty good! I did indeed throw things in to taste, fairly successfully aiming for about enough for four smallish pieces of chicken.
(Which were actually from cutting two gigantic defrosted breasts in half. Same amount of bird per person, but easier to handle later. Plus one piece feels stingy. 🥴)
Which I then proceeded to carefully slit pockets into and stuff. Normally something like toothpicks or skewers is advisable, to help hold the pockets shut. But, we didn't seem to have any. So, it's "wrap that shit up in bacon and hope for the best"!
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Which I was planning to do anyway, not least since we had exactly 4 slices of bacon left in a pack. But, some toothpicks would have been nice extra security. These have a little black pepper ground over them, and are ready to wait in the fridge until the potatoes have about 25 minutes left to go.
We can add some of the rest of the pesto on the plate, as desired.
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shadow-sovereign · 1 year
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Currently writting a fanfic and I needed some help sorry but, have there been important scenes cut from the LN that are important? I couldnt find as much from the wiki but people still say that there was a lot of info cut out? is it true or would it only be fine to just read the manwha without missing important bits?
Well, it’s been a while since I read the novel and manhwa, but I do remember noticing some differences. Like, I read the manhwa first, back when just the first season was out, and then I started reading the novel from the beginning.
Honestly, if I had started reading the novel first, I probably wouldn’t have kept reading it, because the actual writing is kind of so-so. But I was invested and I wanted to know what was up with the system and how the story would end.
The first season of the manhwa was really good, I think. It had a good pace and even added a few things. But the second half felt pretty rushed. (And I’m still salty about how the manhwa revealed Antares’s name. It was way less meaningful.)
I think you can still write a good fanfic just by reading the manhwa, but you’ll get more detail about things by reading the novel. The manhwa can’t go into as much detail due to it being a more visual medium. Whereas with a novel, you can see more detail into what a character is thinking.
Personally, I think if you don’t mind reading novels and you have the time, then I would recommend reading the novel. It’s just nice to have more insight into the characters and get to see...more of the story, I guess? Like I said, the second season of the manhwa felt rushed and sometimes I felt kind of confused by what exactly was happening, especially in the fight scenes. It’s easier to understand in the novel.
You could also go to the solo leveling subreddit and find the threads for individual chapters. Sometimes, someone will mention the differences between the novel and the manhwa in the comments.
Off the top of my head, there’s a few things that come to mind.
In the beginning, I don’t think the manhwa mentions that Jin-Woo was getting like, these little rewards for completing his daily tasks? They were things that would be useful for him that day. He got a pen while he was in the hospital, because he would need to sign the forms to check out of the hospital. And he got an umbrella because it was going to rain later, which I think he gave to Jin-Ah before she headed out of the house.
The manhwa did a couple of extra things that I liked, though. Like, in the novel, Hwang Dong-Soo didn’t come to Korea, only to be thwarted by Jin-Woo being in a red gate. But we got that cool scene where Hwang and Baek Yoon-Ho almost came to blows, Jin-Chul stepping in and almost getting his arms broken if only the two didn’t hold back their strength in time.
And the scene with the Japanese Hunters in the gym. I don’t think we originally had that scene where they sparred with the Korean Hunters. Also, I saw someone say that not all the Japanese Hunters were named in the novel?? I wasn’t paying enough attention when I read through it to know, but that’s interesting if it’s true.
Really, it seems like both the novel and the manhwa have their ups and downs. If you want a more complete picture, it’s best to read both of them. You get a bit more detail with the novel. You get some different details with the manhwa plus really good art.
And in the novel, Antares giving his name to Jin-Woo was actually a significant moment. Unlike in the manhwa, where he just announced his name like it was whatever. Still not over that.
Right, I think I’m just rambling at this point. Really, it’s up to you whether you want to read the novel. I think you can write a good fanfic by just reading the manhwa, but you’ll have a more complete picture of what’s going on in canon if you read the novel too.
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cherry-bomb-ships · 5 days
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On one hand, I stayed up wayyy too late and should have been in bed 3 hours ago. One the other hand tho... for the very first time I have drawn Mojo Jojo >:3
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This. Was. SO. FUN 💖💖💖💖💖💖 I wanted to save this for a full doodle post with other stuff cuz I'm definitely gonna draw more, but I couldn't wait to show this off!!! His design is absolutely captivating and working thru how to draw him (as well as throwing in some headcanon details I liked) was so amazingly fun, I cannot wait to draw more 🥺💖🥺💖🥺💖 Imma throw some extra thoughts under the read more cuz I dont want this getting too long, but I am so proud that this was my very first time and I am so happy with the end piece >w< 💖💘💖💘💖💘💖
So as you can probably see, I added a few headcanon things!
The most obvious thing of course being a little chip out of his ear because lets be honest, he's taken a LOT of beatings and there's no way there wouldn't be some physical scars remaining. I like to imagine thats something he'd be self-concious about - a stain on his otherwise perfect appearance and a painful reminder of his multiple failures 🥺🥺🥺
Next, the lil tooth sticking out! A classic thing to add to most designs, and I think it especially fits him 💖💖💖 One thing I rly love abt his design OG is his sharp teeth so I wanted to keep it visible, plus I imagine his bottom canines (is that what its called on chimps? Idk) being the longest of his teeth, which is definitely a detail I'll be adding when I eventually draw that dashing smile of his 💖💖💖
These next 2 things are both aesthetic so I'll cover them in one go, but I wanted to give him a thicker outline around his eyes cuz the "PPGs Rule!!!" special episode did that to him and I thought it was good lookin 💖💖💖 I also added a bit more fur sticking in around his face cuz again, its something I love about him. I bet his fur is so soft, I wanna touch it....
Even tho this isn't a headcanon thing, I still wanna touch upon it; when it comes to the way his ears were drawn in early vs later seasons, there seem to be a lot of opinions about it in the fandom 😅 Personally, I kinda like both, BUT I think it looks even better as a blend of both!! Not perfectly rounded, but also not rigid and sharp. I feel like I found a nice middle ground tbh uwu
All in all this was so fucking fun and I am so proud of what I was able to do on my FIRST TIME no less, so definitely expect more from me in the future!!!! 🥺💖🥺💖🥺💖🥺💖🥺💖
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laf-outloud · 8 months
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https://www.tumblr.com/laf-outloud/727083591202471936
I would just like to say a few things:
I was honestly taken aback by this, because even if they won‘t believe me, why not share the info anyway? Or at least respond to it? If there is nothing to what I say, then it could be quickly invalidated or? Unless the two know exactly that I'm right and are afraid of when it comes out.
Here's the thing anon, there really ISN'T a way to verify. They would have to specifically know people who work at those cons and neither of them are based in that area so it's less likely they have connects over there (obviously still possible, but not as likely as for US cons). And even then, they would only be able to verify it for themselves and would still not be able to offer proof. Granted only one of those two cares about showing receipts... it still isn't something that "could be quickly invalidated"
And look at the line up of the English cons and tell me that you could not have paid Jared‘s fee to run various duo shots!
Now about this, even IF they are going to two separate cons from the same company there could be a few reasons for that which have nothing to do with them avoiding each other. As @laf-outloud already mentioned - it's a smart business decision to get a little distance between them since they are still so tied together publicly even years after SPN has ended. With the way CE cons run it would be impossible to really get the separation there (and they have been exclusive there forever when it comes to US cons) so their only chance to really do that is overseas cons.
But you also have to think about it fiscally. Yes, the cons may be run by the same umbrella company but I also bet they have allotted money for each con and with other big names, they can't afford both at one individual con without having to cancel other big name guests who are a draw. Another thing is the fans spending. If they get both J2 at one con then to cover to extra costs they would probably have to increase the prices of ops and autos. That limits the number of fans who can afford to purchase tickets for both and some would pick between the two, meaning less income for the con and J2 themselves. By splitting them, the fans of each don't have to choose and can spend money on one J and also other guests. Plus, splitting them up means a bigger draw to each con (since we've seen how quickly they can both sell out cons). If they were together at one then all the draw would be there, with the split there is an added draw to both cons.
If I'm lying, why is Creation now releasing the second convention for 2024 with only Jensen as headliner but not with Jared? It can't be the money, because Creation takes the same amount for the tickets as usual. And schedule difficulties during an official strike ? Hardly.
First, just because he isn't added now, doesn't mean he can't be added later. And yes the strike is effecting work, but they might still have tentative schedules in place based on when they think the strikes might end. They are surely going to get right back to work when the strikes are over so he might have some idea about work schedules going forward.
But there are also rumors (unverifiable of course) about CE cons and that J2 signed on again but for less cons. Hypothetically speaking (because I do NOT know any specifics, this is simply me giving an example) if they each signed on for 6 cons for 2024 but CE wants to run 10 then there are going to be cons that have one and not the other, that's just logistics and doesn't necessarily mean anything. I'm sure if they wanted to do more than what they signed on for, CE would be more than happy to accommodate because J2 is their real money maker, but if they really did sign on for less and that rumor is true, then the CE con landscape is going to change quite a bit in 2024. I personally think that if this rumor is true, we are going to see Jared do the amount he signed on for, and Jensen will do those plus additional CE cons. We've seen he doesn't want to let go of SPN and with the spending the Ackles do (10mil mansion anyone?? That clothes budget....) they can't really give up that income.
You make some great points, anon. Thank you for sharing! It would make sense to split the pair up and draw more SPN fans to multiple cons than to have them all gathered at one con.
I would be really interested if your speculation about the Creation schedule were true, mainly because I'd love to see how different a Jensen-only led Creation con would work vs. a Jared-only led con.
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hello!! can i request something?
could you do male reader x steven grant? where the reader is usually flirtatious, tough and overly protective over steven but one day he felt so overwhelmed as he had some bottled up personal problems that he never talked about. then one day, reader showed up at the museum to see steven without the male's acknowledge. reader showed up with an obvious change of behaviour but tries to hide it away. steven was curious about it and asked but reader just denies it. until later in steven's apartment, reader showed his extreme vulnerable side of him -- he broke down suddenly. of course comfort and fluff afterwards.
if you're taking this request thank you very much!! sorry this is quite long. have a great day dear author.
Steven Grant x Male Reader
Bottles break
I am so so sorry this took so long, I just didn't know how to write this one. And I hope I didn't ruin it by adding extra stuff, sorry if there wasnt enough of what you asked for. Just ran out of words to put. But I can rewrite this if you want. Just send an ask, don't be shy. (No proofread sorry, It's 2am here and I don't have the energy. Sorry.)
Steven is just a little bean, very innocent. And I wanted to keep it that way, away from the harmful things of the world, to keep his mind clean. But you know what they say. Sometimes even the bravest feel fear, even the strongest can feel weak, even the happiest ones can feel sad. And same goes for me. Now I knew that keeping it all bottled up inside me was not a good thing, that someday that bottle will break.
———
Hearing Donna talk to Steven wasn't really a good sign.
"Stop staring at Y/n and get back to work, Stevie. You look like a stalker."
"Give the man a break, Donna. He's been working all morning, plus, it's almost lunch."
Donna rolls her eyes and walks away.
"Y-you didn't have to do that, love."
"You should really stop letting people like Donna push you around."
I say walking over to him behind the counter.
"I know, I know. It's just that, I-I'm really one to escalate situations."
"Of course, always the defuser."
I say finally making it to his side and hugging him, burrying my face on his chest. His hand going up to my hair to pet me.
"Where'd you wanna eat lunch?"
I say lifting my heal up to look at him face to face, eyes staring at each other.
"Anywhere you want, as long as they have something vegan."
He says with a smile looking down at me.
———
After lunch we went back to the museum and just did our thing for the rest of the day 'til closing time.
"Darling, would you like to go out tonight?"
I heard Steven say to me as we get ready to leave.
"I don't see why not."
I say looking at him with a smile as he packs up.
Going out of the museum, we decided to get home first and change before going out.
On our way, to this steak place that steven found, that surprisingly has imitation meat and salad. After ordering our food, we sat in comfortable silence for a while just looking around and on ocassions, each other which makes us blush whenever one catches the other.
"Your meal has arrived, and we hope you enjoy it."
The waiter says as he sets the food infront of us.
"Which one is the umm the vegan one?"
Steven asks not even looking down at the steak.
"That would be the one with the little flag, sir."
The waiter answers with a chuckle.
"Right, sorry about that."
Steven apologizes looking down in embarrassment.
"No problem, sir. If there is no more questions I will leave you to your meal."
The waiter says walking away.
"This place is kinda posh, innit."
Steven says with a small smile on his face.
"I quite like it, no toddlers running around cause havoc."
"Yea."
We eat in silence, until I ask Steven about the poster of the ennead that was outside the museum. Which inturn gets him rambling until the end of the meal. With me not really listening to him speaking. Just looking at his face just admiring his coffe black eyes, that just shines with excitement and that smile that never fails to make me fall even more inlove with him.
"Are you listening?"
"O-of course I was, what made you think I wasn't?"
"The staring gave it away."
"What can I say? You're just handsome."
I say which succesfully makes him blush.
"So are you, you the most handsome man I have met."
Steven said, which caught me by surprise.
"No wonder you're always blushing around me, you are always graced by my divinity."
I say making Steven blush more and clear his throat.
"Let's just get home, it's getting late."
He says getting up and waiting for me to get up as well, before walking. Making our way to our apartment.
———
It's been a week since those events have passed, everyday I tried protecting Steven from Donna and such. Just trying to keep him the way he is, but he will want to explore. And that is something I might not be able to help with. Especially with me just keeping all my problems inside, with my mother's death recently, my father abbandoning me before I was even born the wounds are still open, not fresh, but not scars. Just kept it all hidden, bottled up inside me.
And here I am, sitting on our bed, tears running down my face. The bottle had too many cracks, it was only a matter of time before it would shatter, luckily Steven was at work. I told him to tell Donna I was not feeling too well, which is not a lie, so I got the say off. Steven wouldn't be back until 6pm, or so I thought.I wasn't expecting Steven to come home during lunch.
"Y/n? I got us food, thought it would only be nice for us to eat together."
He says as he opens the bedroom door, seeing me in the state I am in, which is not too great. Eyes red, tear stains visible on my cheeks, still breathing heavily and soft sobs coming out.
"Oh no no, what happened, love, are you okay?"
He says walking closer to me and sitting on the bed beside me, hugging me, pulling me close to his body, by head on his chest. Now laying down on the bed with his back resting on the head board, one arm on my waist holding me tight, and the other going up and down my back in a soft carres.
"Come on, love, are you okay? You wanna talk about it?"
I shake my head now crying and full on sobbing.
"I-I-I never H-had anyo-ne ask me i-if I'm okay b-before."
I say muffled and stumbling on my words.
"You don't have to tell me now if you don't want to. I will always be here when you need me. I will be the rock you build upon, the light at the end of the tunnel, the hand to hold you when you feel lonely and I will give you the love you need and deserve. We can talk about it when you're ready."
Hearing him say that, makes my heart flatter as he puts his face on my hair giving me kisses.
"C-can we just s-stay here for a w-while?"
"Of course, whatever makes you happy."
"T-thanks."
"I should be thanking you, for all those times you stood up for me, for all those time you saved me from Donna's lectures. And I'm sorry for not checking up on you sooner. I promise to be a better person. Just please, talk to me when you want to."
He says muffled by the hair.
"Sleep, love, we can talk about it whenever you feel like it."
He says giving my head a kiss and carresing the back of my head, finger running up and down. While still keeping me in a tight embrace.
"T-thank you."
"I will be here for you, always."
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felicitysmoaksx · 2 years
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Hi everyone! You're all probably wondering what this story is. Or if you're following me on Tumblr you might already know what is happening with this story. But the gist of it is I was rereading the original story about a month ago and decided that while I liked the writing there, I knew I could do better.
So that's what I did. I redid the entire outline and completely rebuilt the story. Now some of the story is the same. But I think with the extra scenes I've added and the scenes I've reordered/and or taken away, it's a lot better.
But I guess you will all be the judge of that. Nevertheless, I hope you all enjoy it and I appreciate any feedback you have! 
Summary: With Adam and Hailey still together, what if after the crossover episodes, Kim went home with Jay instead?
Word Count: 4.7k
Warnings: Vague allusions to a kidnapping and sexual abuse case. But don't go into great detail.
Read On AO3 | Fic Playlist
It Was a One Night Stand Until I Woke Up Next to You
Kim was busy packing up her stuff after a long, long, long three days of work. One long for each day she couldn’t go home because of this stupid case. She had just opened her locker when Hailey called her name.
“We’re going to Molly’s for a beer, you want to join us?” The blonde offered. Glancing at Upton’s and Ruzek’s joined hands, Kim gave the new couple a tight smile.
“Thanks, but I think I just want my couch, a beer, and a quiet night in.” It wasn’t a complete lie, Kim just didn’t tell them that she also didn’t want to be a third wheel to her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. (Even though she was completely okay with them being a them by now. But it was still weird to be going on what seemed like a date for them)
“Okay if you’re sure,” Upton gave her another smile before Adam pulled her away and out the back door, “See you on Monday, Burgess.”
“Bye Kim,” Adam called on their way out. Shaking her head, Kim started to gather her things when Jay walked in with a bandaged hand.
“They released you, already?” Kim questioned when she saw Jay walk into the locker room. She thought for sure they would keep him overnight for observation.
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“Perks of having a doctor for a brother. I talked him into talking my actual doctor into discharging me early. It was just a few stitches anyway. You all got to me before I could actually spray anything into it. Plus they needed the bed.” Jay explained, showing her his hand before he started to pack up his things for the night.
“Well, you just missed Hailey and Adam. They were going to Molly’s if you want to catch up with them.” Kim slung her bag over her shoulder with a sigh. It had been a long night and a lot of overtime. (Two nights worth to be exact)
“Why didn’t you go with them?”
“Didn’t want to be a third wheel.”
“And you think I do?” Jay asked incredulously.
“I’m fine with them being a them, but I’m still Adam’s ex-girlfriend. It wouldn’t be that awkward for you. You’re Upton’s old partner. Not her ex-boyfriend.”
Kim heard the detective yawn, “It’s been a long night. I think I just want my couch and a beer.”
“That’s my plan too.” She told him, swinging her locker door shut, “I have to stop and buy some though. Kev drank the last of mine.”
“You could come over to my place if you want to.” Jay offered as Kim started to turn the corner of a row of lockers.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. That way you wouldn’t have to stop and I don’t think any of us should be by ourselves anyway. At least not tonight.”
So that’s how she ended up following Jay back to his apartment and sitting on his couch as he got them both a beer.
A few hours later and another beer later, Kim was laughing at him as he told her a story about Mouse dragging his ass around one day in basic training because he was a stupid twenty-one-year-old who didn’t know his limit yet. They were swapping stories-him about his ranger days and her about being a flight attendant. Another few hours. Another beer.
Kim had been laughing at another one of his stories, sitting with her legs crossed on top of the couch, facing him so it wasn’t a wonder that amid her laughter, she had started to topple over. His hands were there steadying her as he also chuckled. Then it tapered off and faded completely. She glanced up at him just in time to see him lick his lips, and okay maybe liquid courage helped her lean up and press her lips against his.
Jay responded immediately, wrapping his arms around her waist. His hand slipped under her shirt, so it was touching the bare skin of her back as he brought her to sit on his lap.
“Wait...What are...we...doing?” Kim panted in between kisses. Jay pulled away to look at her. He exhaled and she felt it on her lips. Goosebumps started pebbling all over her arms. She shivered in his arms at the warming chill that ran down her spine.
“I don’t know,” he admitted to her, “But after the last few days, this feels right.”
Kim nodded her head. She understood what he was saying. After this last case, they needed something to remind them that no matter what evil they saw on their job, they had something to remind them everything wasn’t evil. Was this a healthy coping mechanism? Probably not. But right now, it wasn’t about that. It was about feeling something. She leaned in to kiss him again and he returned it eagerly before he pulled away to study her, when she started to pull his shirt up.
“How drunk are you? Are you sure you want to do this? I don’t want you regretting this tomorrow.” He told her. Kim shook her head. She wasn’t drunk. Every beer she had that night, had been spaced out enough that she hadn’t gotten drunk. Just buzzed.
“Buzzed. Just enough to be brave enough to do this.” She answered, before turning the question back on him.
“Same, I just wanted to check before we got any farther.” He answered, then he leaned in to kiss her neck. Jay gripped the back of her thighs before he was standing and making his way to his bedroom. Should they have been concerned that they forgot about protection? Probably, but it was fine. Kim was on birth control… If only Kim hadn’t forgotten to take it in the midst of everything that had happened today.
After that night, Kim and Jay went back to normal more or less. They had no reason to drag it out or act out of the ordinary. They both agreed that night was about comfort for them and nothing else. Until four weeks later, when Kim was chasing a suspect for a case and had gone through a fence, cutting her arm open. It wasn’t a cut that deep, but Voight still insisted she go get it stitched up.
At Med, a standard blood workout revealed a lot more than Kim was ready for that morning.
“Congratulations are in order.” Her ER doctor told her with a warm smile. Then at Kim’s look of confusion, the doctor explained. “Your HBC levels are elevated.”
“I’m sorry?” Kim asked confusedly, Her doctor’s smile broadened, “Whenever someone comes into the ED we do a general work-up. It’s standard procedure, but your HBC levels are slightly elevated. It means your pregnant Ms. Burgess.”
“I-what? Pregnant? Are you sure? Because I’m on birth control and besides I haven’t had sex in…” Kim trailed off. She was about to say she hadn’t had sex in months. Not since Matt...but that wasn’t true.
She had slept with Jay four weeks ago. She met the doctor’s now slightly concerned stare again. “Are you sure?”
The other woman nodded, “Yes. These tests are fairly accurate. By your levels, I’d say, you’re-” she glanced back down at Kim’s chart, “-Four weeks along?”
Kim’s hand fell to her stomach subconsciously. She knew that if she was pregnant, who the father would be. She had only slept with one guy recently. She was carrying a Baby Halstead.
Their case had somehow turned into a SA  case before she could even leave the hospital. A girl had been held in a storm cellar for four years. She had been seventeen when she was taken. She got a call that Hailey would meet her at the hospital because they needed to interview the victim that had been taken to Med.
“You okay?” Hailey asked when Kim found her. Kim nodded, but the other woman stared at her, looking unsure. “You sure? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
She hadn’t. Instead, she had seen the opposite of a ghost, but she guessed the expressions looked the same.
“Yeah,” she nodded. Then again more firmly, “Yeah, I’m good. What do we got? Kev just said it was a SA case now.”
“And a kidnapping. Vic was seventeen when she was taken.” Hailey explained as they walked to the victim’s hospital room. And it gets worse, we also have a missing four-year-old too. And the kid needs insulin every few hours or he goes into shock. Our offender, also the dad, didn’t take it when he left with the boy.”  
Kim shook her head, trying to get a grip on this case as well as dealing with being pregnant. She always wanted kids, to be a mother someday. When she had been engaged to Adam, they had always…And now was not the time to have that thought with Ruzek’s current girlfriend standing right next to her. The point was, yeah. She wanted kids, but she never pictured it like this.
Kim bit her lip as her eyes followed Jay as he made his way out of the bullpen that night. It had been weighing on her mind since she found out this morning. She was about four weeks pregnant...with baby Halstead. And she needed to tell the father.
“Hey!” Kim called after she stood and hurried after him because if she didn’t do it now, she’d chicken out later, “Jay! Wait up!”
It was better just to rip the bandaid off.
“Hey, can I talk to you? In private? It’s important.” She told him when she reached the bottom step of the stairs. He nodded in the direction of the parking lot. “Walk with me to my car?”
Rip the bandaid off. Rip the bandaid off. Rip the bandaid off. She repeated the mantra in her head as she followed him to his truck.
“You okay? You’re being a little quiet.” Kim looked up to see the detective eyeing her. She swallowed the nerves that appeared in her throat...Or was that nausea? Did morning sickness start this early in the pregnancy? She needed to buy one of those books now.
“Kim?”
“I’m pregnant.” She blurted out before she winced at her ungraceful delivery of the news. At least she had ripped the bandaid off. Kim shook her head at herself and then continued, not daring to look up at Jay and see his reaction. Instead, she chose to look at her shoes.
“They told me today at the hospital. When I was getting my stitches done after my run-in with the fence, they did a standard blood workup and my HBC levels whatever those mean, came back elevated, and with how elevated they estimated around four weeks-”
“Which would make them mine.” Jay finished her ramble softly because it had been four weeks since they slept together. Now she looked up at him, at his face. To his credit, she couldn’t see a negative reaction in his face.  Not even a whisper of one. Instead, his blue eyes (would their child have his blue eyes or her brown ones) were thoughtful as he processed the information.
“Yeah,” Kim nodded, answering in a quiet voice, even though he hadn’t asked a question.
“Are you keeping them?”
Kim nodded. Though she might have had some lingering doubts before, the case today with Claire and Henry. Seeing how that mother and son had interacted solidified her decision. “Yeah. Yes, I am.”
“Then do you want to go somewhere and talk? About how we’re going to do this?”
Kim felt the tension release from her shoulders. She knew Jay was a good guy. The type of guy who would take responsibility and step up. The kind of guy that wouldn’t let her do this by herself, especially with this baby being his. But there was a difference between knowing that and hearing that she wasn’t going to be on her own were two different things.
“You could drive me home? I carpooled with Upton and Rojas today. And we could order dinner?” She offered and he nodded.
“Okay just let me go clock out and let them know while I’m in there.”
“Do you want a beer? Water? Or something else? I think I have some kind of soda?” She offered when they reached her apartment. Jay walked in behind her, setting their greasy takeout food from the burger place they had stopped at, on her kitchen table.
“Sure,” Jay said, accepting the plates she was giving him. He separated their food while she went to her fridge.
“So,” she said as she came back with two bottles in her hands, one a plastic water bottle and one a glass beer bottle. She handed him the beer before she took a seat across from him. “I’m not actually sure where to go from here. I know you said you wanted to be involved, but I’m not expecting-”
“Kim, I’m going to stop you right there. I don’t want an out with this. It took both of us to make that baby. We both chose to sleep together that night, so we’re in this together. Everything that comes with it. Doctor appointments, getting the nursery ready, 3 am calls where you call me because you have cravings, those stupid classes that teach you how to breathe if you want to take them…all of it.”
“…We won’t be able to hear the heartbeat until the next appointment at the earliest,” Jay said, reading information about her first official appointment on his phone. Kim blinked, she didn’t know where or why that day had resurfaced.
“Yeah, that's not till the next appointment at twelve weeks. This appointment is to just basically make sure that the baby is healthy and safe, growing at the rate they should be, and to talk about our family’s health histories and they address any concerns we have.” Kim explained, remembering what she had read last night in her new book about pregnancy and babies.
She had put off reading for the last two weeks, yet when the appointment reminder popped up on her phone yesterday, she realized she didn’t know what she was walking into. She absolutely hated not feeling prepared. It was like walking into a suspect’s house without knowing what to expect.
“You didn’t have to come you know. It’s not like it’s a huge appointment.” Kim told them nonchalantly as she began to flick through a magazine before she abandoned it in favor of playing a game on her phone.
“Every appointment Kim. No matter how big or small.” He told her, staring at the pictures of babies, “Because we’re-”
“-In this together. You know, you’re going to sound like a broken record by the time this whole pregnancy is over with.”
Soon Kim’s name was called and they were ushered back into a room. They didn’t even see her OB for this appointment. A technician conducted the ultrasound. The baby as expected was growing and progressing right on schedule.
“We’ll see you for the next appointment.” The tech said as she smiled, handing Kim a set of pictures, “Six weeks from today you can schedule it with the woman at the front desk.”
“So Burgess, what is up with you and Halstead? I noticed you and him have been a little…closer lately. Anything you want to tell me?” Kevin pointed at her with his fork. Kim rolled her eyes at her best friend’s roundabout way of asking if she and Jay were dating, without actually asking.
It was her and Kevin’s dinner that they did every month since their patrol partnership ended six years ago. Spearing her hamburger patty (Because she had entered the eighth week of her pregnancy and with that came morning sickness with a vengeance. Her baby seemed to have an aversion to bread she learned thanks to dinner with Jay at the beginning of the week) with her own fork, she popped the piece of meat into her mouth. Then she shrugged.
“Nothing to tell,” she told him and when he gave her his own eye roll, Kim laughed, “I’m serious. We’re friends. Look, with Adam and Hailey together now and you and Rojas having a vibe. We didn’t want to be third wheels. So we just started hanging out with each other.”
“Mhmm and are you and your friend participating in some friendlier extracurriculars?” Kevin smirked. Kim felt her cheeks burn at the question. “No,”
And that was the truth. Besides that one night of comfort, that had resulted in a baby there was nothing between them like what Kevin was implying.
The next day at work, when she and Jay were on their way to interview a witness, she made an appointment with her doctor to see if they had anything that could help with her nausea. The nausea had been the most violent today. Though it helped to be in the vehicle with her baby daddy, who knew about her morning sickness and kept her window cracked and passed her a water bottle after water bottle, and kept the air conditioning pressed against her to help.
Thankfully, she made it through the day without throwing up, despite the smell that wafted around the office and never left. Did someone order a fish sandwich with pickles...and was that mustard? Or tabasco sauce?
At the end of the day, Kim waved to Platt as she started to walk out with Jay and Hailey when the desk sergeant called her back.
“What’s up?”
“Internet said it was an appropriate gift,” Platt said as she pulled a mug with the words: MOM COP with the CPD symbol painted on it in a pretty soft blue color.
Kim’s eyes widened when she saw it. They weren’t telling anyone yet. How did the desk sergeant of their district know? Kim reached for it quickly, hiding it under her jacket.
“How’d you know?” She asked.
“I’ve been a cop for a long time,” the older woman’s answer was soft, “Plus, I overheard you and Halstead talking the other day.”
“Am I crazy?” Kim asked.
“Maybe. But some of the best things in life start as crazy... So go with your gut Burgess.” Platt’s lips twitched upward, “And I’ll deny I ever said this if you tell him, but Halstead is one of the good ones.”
Then she patted Kim’s shoulder and walked away. Kim stared after Platt, the woman who had been and continued to be her mentor since she stepped foot in the 21st. Then she turned and made her way back up to the Intelligence bullpen. She had some news she needed to share with Voight.
“Sarge?” Kim knocked on the door frame of Voight’s office. Voight looked up surprised to see his officer there.
“Burgess? I thought you had gone home for the night.”
“I did, but I…” Kim broke off and sighed heavily. She knew that there was a chance that this would change things for her here in Intelligence. That she could even lose her spot up here, but that didn’t matter anymore because it wasn’t just here she had to think about anymore. “Can I talk to you about something? It’s important.” Hank waved a hand in her direction and Kim knew that was her queue to go ahead.
“I’m pregnant. About eight weeks along and I understand. I understand that my place here will possibly change in Intelligence. But I just...I had to tell you.” She hurried out in a rush. She didn’t know what she expected from her Sargent. A few questions maybe. Some paperwork needed to be filled out. But she wasn’t expecting Hank to get up, make the way around his desk, or for his arms to encircle her into an embrace.
“Kim, I’m so happy for you.” His voice was warm and it brought a smile to Kim’s lips. Only for it to drop a minute later when he brought up how excited Adam must be. Then it hit her. Sergeant Voight thought Adam was the father and if Voight thought so, everyone else would too.
“Sarge, no. It’s not Adam’s. He and Hailey are still together. It’s uh...Jay’s actually.”
Voight pulled back some to look at her. His gaze was sharp as he licked his lips.  He finally asked in a fairly soft voice, “Does he know?”
Kim nodded. “He does. He wanted to be here with me when I told you but he didn’t know I was going to tell you tonight….I didn’t know I was going to tell you until Platt gave me this gift.” She held up the coffee cup for her Sargent to see. It was a simple gift but it had reshifted and refocused Kim’s world.
She was going to be someone’s mother.
Hank nodded, that quiet look on his face he got when he was trying to retrace a criminal’s steps.
“Okay, we’ll talk about this more tomorrow. It’s late. Go home, Kim. Get some sleep,” he said finally. His tone of voice was clear. It was an order from a sergeant to his officer. She nodded, “Yes Sarge.”
“Burgess, Halstead. My office,” Everyone looked up at the sound of Voight’s voice, the next day looking confused. Everyone except the two people he was calling for. The unlikely duo made their way into the office as Hank shut the door behind him.
“I’m going to be brief, but the first thing I want to know is why you didn’t disclose your relationship when it got serious because I would think out of the two of you and your history with me, you would know that I like to have all the facts.”
“Sarge-” they both started to speak at the same time before they glanced at each other and Kim ended up finishing her thought first. She shook her head, “Sarge, it’s not like that for us.”
Nodding Jay agreed with her before he gestured to Kim’s stomach. “Yeah, it’s like Kim said. It’s not like that. They were just a surprise that came after a day of too many close calls and needing some comfort that we found in each other.”
Voight asked another question, but the officer couldn’t hear anything her sergeant or her partner said because that horrid smell from yesterday was back and it made her stomach roll violently.
“Burgess?” Hank asked concerned as he watched the woman wrap her arms around her stomach and put her head in between her knees. Jay turned, looking too, and had started to rub a hand up and down her back because he knew what was probably happening.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m good sarge. Just a little morning sickness nausea.” Kim finally managed to reassure him with a shaky thumbs up. But that wasn’t the wisest choice because as soon as the words came out of her mouth, her stomach gave another turbulent roll and she jumped up, giving in to the urge to run to the bathroom.
“Excuse me,” she thought she said the words, but she couldn’t be sure as she turned. The door was yanked open before Kim tore through the bullpen, ignoring the alarmed calls of her team.
Reaching the bathroom, she skidded to a stop on her knees in front of the porcelain bowl just before she coughed up the contents of her breakfast that morning. A second behind her, Jay dropped to his knees just at her back. He grabbed her hair pulling it back, so it wasn’t dangling in her face as he rubbed her back again.
“Okay?” Jay asked when he didn’t hear heaving anymore. Kim coughed and nodded, “I think so. For right now at least.”
So Jay stood and grabbed some paper towels as he ran them under the faucet and handed them to her. Then he waited while she wiped her face and pulled her to her feet.
“Still okay?” He asked. When she nodded, he continued, “I don’t think you heard him but Voight said he’s switching up partners again. He also asked if you wanted to be detailed to light duty early. I answered that for you. Hope you don’t mind.”
“As long as you said no,” Kim mumbled, her baby daddy nodded to her relief. “I said you didn’t want to be out until you absolutely had to be. He also said it’s up to us as to when we wanted to tell the team.”
“I’ll leave that up to you since I told Voight without you. If you don’t want to tell them today though, I hope you have a reason you followed me, besides you know, the truth.”
“We can tell them. Besides, they’ll want to know why you’re moving to light duty in two weeks.”
Kim blinked at him. There was no way…she was that close to moving to light duty. Though, looking down at her stomach, Kim knew it had to be true. Morning sickness didn’t start until she was at least eight weeks along, according to her book.
“Is it going to be that bad every time?”  Kim asked quietly as Jay continued to rub her back. He was still rubbing her back as they walked back to the bullpen. Kim shook her head as she told him quietly, “That was just as rough as when we figured out your child doesn’t like bread and I have to deal with that till the end of the second trimester? Can I go on a liquid diet then?”
“I don’t think that’ll help. You’ll still throw up. You just won’t taste everything you eat.” He laughed, just as quietly. Then his hand stopped its gentle movements on her back completely and she looked up to see the unit plus Voight staring at them.  
“Everything alright, Kim?” Kevin asked. Before she answered, the brunette glanced up at Jay, who nodded.
“Yeah, Kev. Just some slight morning sickness,” she told him sheepishly. Everyone glanced at each other. Then it was Hailey who asked, “Wait. Morning sickness? So that means you’re pregnant?”
“About eight weeks along,” Kim nodded with an unconscious hand lifting to her flat stomach.
“Hold up. Hold up. Is this why you ordered a burger without the bun on Saturday?” Kevin asked. Kim shrugged at her former partner, “They don’t like bread right now. I’m hoping they’ll get over it soon.”
“And how does Jay fit into this?” Adam asked from where he sat at his desk. Jay gave a slight smirk as he explained in a sarcastic tone, “Well Ruz, it kind of makes two people to make a baby.”
“Wait so you two…” Rojas trailed off as she dragged a finger between the two of them. Kim shrugged, “We’re not together but it was one night. The night after we closed the infection case.”
Rojas whistled, “Damn. Y'all weren’t kidding when you said this unit is close.”
Then there was a beat of silence while Hank stepped away to take a call. Another look was shared between the team. Then their unit was rushing forward. Hailey and Vanessa wrapped Kim in one hug while Kevin patted Jay on the back. Then her former partner wrapped her in a tight bear hug. It was only when Kevin had pulled away and the other two girls had Jay’s attention that Adam pulled her into a hug of his own.
“Congratulations,” he told her quietly, sincerely. Then he squeezed her again, “Are you happy?”
“It’s not quite how I planned on becoming a mother. But yeah, yeah I am.” She told the man, who in another life could’ve been the father of her children. Had she actually kept the ring, but Adam wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment and that was okay.
She wasn’t meant for Adam but maybe Hailey Upton would be the one for him instead.
“Good. That’s all I want for you Kim.” He let go of her, squeezing her hand. Then he moved to Jay, boasting loudly.
“Okay, we can continue the celebration later. Right now we have a case and given the circumstances, I’m reassigning partners. But temporarily? Atwater and Burgess, Rojas and Ruzek, and Upton and Halstead. I'll reassess later but right now we need to move.”
TAGGING: @maddyjb @sowrongitslottie @thewannabewriter @leeleeboo​ @chalstead86 
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stressedlawsecretary · 4 months
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Today's Focus
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12.19.23 - It is my last day at the office before the holiday, so I'm an elf! My supervisor loves it lol. You can thank my dad for convincing me to buy it from the thrift store we hung out in waiting for my sister to pick us up from the lab.
Work - I ended up spending a bunch of my day yesterday working on a ToC and a ToA for a motion SJC needed to submit, and I got three physical case files done along with a few efiles. I have one efile left to save (the motions SJC had me working on) and one new case file for JMK to both put into NYM and create a physical file for. Plus I have two (2) hrs of ethics training to attend virtually at 1p.
Background Noise - Well okay I start with 117 on the Watch Later, but that's because I added a lot of short lists when I figured out a presenter I like has been working for another channel. The problem is I'm probably not going to be able to watch anything during the ethics webinar.
I think I watched something like 9 videos yesterday? I'm hoping to do better today.
Study - Well I finished re-organizing news articles just in time for article day so I know what my plans are at least.
FBI report on the murder of Emmett Till - persons of interest
Articles on the cost of living in Australia
Articles related to Moms for Liberty
Pages of the Glass Report
Saved 'good news' articles
Old articles - specifically articles saved from before 2000
News articles from the 2000s
Three of the saved essays/articles in my folders
I'm trying to do as many of the things mentioned here as possible and just...see how far I get.
Yesterday I did do more than just organizing; I read three of the reported persons of interest in the Emmett Till FBI report, and a couple of articles related to the cost of living in Australia. Not much but better than nothing at all!
Extras - All the chores are done; the dinner is an easy beef stir fry. Heck, the frozen veggies I bought for it even came with a sauce! This should allow me to write some more, which I really need to do because I've been feeling savage recently which probably means my brain is looking for dopamine by fighting on the internet. To cope with that, I'm going to focus on drafting & posting more ranting essays.
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bbsprint · 5 months
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DEV01: New Music Track System
i'm not very good at audio. i can't make music and my sound design is mid-ish at best (maybe). this also applies to the low level portions of working with audio: me and waveforms don't get along so well
so could you imagine the face i had when the moment came where i wanted to add proper introlooping to the tracks in the game?
i'm using unity's audio system, which means the most i can do is limited by its boundaries. i could have used fmod as it is amazing from all the things i've read and heard. fmod studio looks awesome. but there are chances that i would need to rework how absolutely everything worked in the audio side and i didn't want to spend too much time doing that (remember: my current next milestone is nano plus! it's meant to be quicker!). as a matter of fact, i probably wouldn't later in development because i am content with a solution i came up while digging how some people looped their tracks seamlessly.
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there's this Unity addon called IntroLoop. i originally was going to use it for the game, but the way it stored metadata and how it worked with its player could pose a problem and, again, i did not want to rewrite too much to implement this particular bit, as well as some opinionated ways-of-working a friend had warned me about from using it. not that it's bad, it just probably would've been kind of a pain
IntroLoop uses somewhat low-level components of the Unity audio engine to make sure the audio loops properly, such as directly reading from dsptime and scheduling sound plays. it works very well from prior experience. however they do say webgl has issues with it because of course, webgl is very unstable of a platform for unity and precision anything after all. (partially a joke. but there's so many unsupported things in webgl that it's crazy)
my approach uses something different based on how i've seen other people handle seamless loops. one person in unity answers had come up with the solution of using two tracks with a little bit of overlap between them so when changing the audioclip and the position of the sound the loop would sound seamless.
i thought that using two tracks was kind of wasteful, so i went and added 3-4 seconds of the loop's start to the tracks of the game that had an introless loop. below is an approximate of where the loop ends and the trailing bit for the next loop to start
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i then take the desired loop end's samples (original end length), store them in notepad, paste the loop's tail, and put it in a new track metadata class that incorporates all metadata i want for the track in one place, like name, album cover, description, attributable link, and now loop start and end samples
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no spoilers! this is a new track. the metadata still needs some polish.
with this approach, when the playhead's sample position exceeds the sample end, i just subtract its position by the length of the looping section and with the little bit of leeway given by the extra seconds any delay will be compensated for with the builtin overlap, and sounds very good (as in, PERFECT) for my purposes.
you probably noticed i'm saying samples instead of seconds of time. i wanted the loop to have zero cracks or pops when using this overlap mechanism, and i am afraid of floating points for many reasons. it just so happens the song time variable from the AudioSource in Unity has its timer in seconds, stored as a floating point value. these fears got me scared enough to instead choose what i consider a more reliable way of counting time in audio: samples.
all songs in bbsprint, ingame at least, are locked at a 44.1k Hz sample rate. if any song happens to be higher Hz than that, i will override it. it saves space and for the game it doesn't have to be that high quality; leave that for the OST release, but more importantly it allows this system to work with all tracks
it is also worth mentioning that this method probably disallows an OUTROloop (as in, letting the audio play, no loop, and having it end gracefully!) depending on how some tracks are structured, maybe you'd have to make the looping tail a section way too long so it's still structurally sound to achieve the effect.
i also have not tried testing whether the audio actually works well with this compensation in webgl, which is the most finnicky of all the build targets i have available.
however, this works for me and i am glad it does as well as it does, at least in desktop being profiled thru the unity editor, which... yeah, let's say that it adds quite the overhead compared to a standalone build (which gives me strong hope).
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