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homerforsure · 3 years

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Whumptober No. 5

betrayal / misunderstanding / broken nose

(Hockey AU)

***

He’d always thought the night Jay took the picture would be the worst of it.

Buck’s hands were clutching the rails of Jay’s iron headboard, where Jay had wanted them, where Jay had placed them after stripping Buck of his clothes, saying “Don’t let go.” His slow, sexy, predatory smile was the last thing Buck saw before the silky black blindfold was tied in place. Jay was gone after that, climbing off the bed, telling Buck how good he looked and what he thought he might do and Buck had arched into the words until he was begging to be touched.

“Be patient,” Jay had purred, appeasing Buck with a single finger drawn shiveringly down his thigh. Buck could feel that he’d climbed back onto the bed, but Jay was too far away and he wasn’t teasing; he just wasn’t there. Stretching out longer on the mattress, trying to find him, he’d said, “What’s going on up there?”

Then the flash went off, the bright light cutting through the thin fabric of the blindfold. Jay swore, “Shit. Fuck,” and when Buck let go of the bed with one hand (one hand because maybe he misunderstood, maybe it was fine, maybe he’d laugh and put his hand back and they’d-)to push the tie away, he’d seen Jay, crouched above him with his phone in his hand.

If he’d asked, Buck might even have agreed. He liked posing. He liked having his body appreciated. But Jay’s expression was the alarm of being caught red-handed and Buck knew, knew with a sinking feeling of dread and betrayal, that Jay wasn’t just taking a memento to savor later. He was taking a picture of Rangers center Evan Buckley, naked, smirking, and vulnerable, to use exactly the way those kinds of pictures get used.

Buck forced Jay to delete the photo, made him prove that he’d done it, and then had somehow managed to get himself dressed and down to the street to get a ride without throwing up. His face burned the whole drive home and for half of the night.

And that was the worst of it until five years later. In a new city. When Buck was finally playing the way he’d always known he could. When he was finally earning the respect of his team and the hockey world at large. When he started thinking he might stay. That was when the anonymously authored post was retweeted and reblogged and shared and gleefully discussed on all corners of the hockey internet.

MY WILD NIGHT WITH AN NHL ALL STAR

The Good, the Bad, and the Kinky

His agent’s was the first text he saw when he got done with practice: “Do NOT respond yet. Call me first.”

It had taken another couple messages before Buck realized what he wasn’t supposed to respond to and in the meantime, the texts kept rolling in. Half of them from numbers he didn’t even have saved in his contacts.

“Dude, is that shit true?”

“Are you okay?”

“Do you know who it is?”

“You dog 😜”

“You never told me you were into that 👀”

“Ignore it, Buck.”

“We’re all with you.”

“Fuck that guy.”

“Hey if you need something to take your mind off of it💋💋💋”

“Evan, Mike from the Tribune. If you want to set the record straight, please give me a call.”

From the looks on the faces of his teammates as they tried to pretend they weren’t stealing glances at him, they were getting messages of their own. Hen was the first one to start to approach him with a look of concern, but Buck avoided her, grabbing his bag and sneaking out the door without bothering to hit the stationary bike like usual.

“What the hell did you do to piss this guy off?” Geoff said as soon as he answered Buck’s call. “More importantly, what else does he have on you?”

“Nothing!” Buck answered, nearly merging directly into another car as his hands shook on the steering wheel. “What do I do? How do I fix this?”

“I don’t know, Buckley. None of my other clients get up to shit like this. You need to get yourself a publicist. I’m going to get in touch with Grant and make sure they’re not already shopping you.”

His agent hung up and Buck’s phone continued to buzz and chime all the way back to his apartment.

There were cameras outside which there almost never were. Mostly only hockey fans cared about pictures of hockey players and the press was limited to the arena and their official events. Maybe one or two regular guys who Buck knew by name. It was just his luck that he lived in LA where there were almost more cameras than there were disasters to photograph.

“Buck! Do you know who the author is?”

“Have your teammates seen the post?”

“Are you worried about other former partners coming out with similar stories?”

Buck pushed past them, but the questions followed him inside. His phone didn’t stop. His mentions were a nightmare on every platform. He shut Twitter as soon as he opened it and saw his name in the trending topics. The statements put out by the Kings and Buck’s agent condemning the piece and the interest in it were drowned out by outlet after outlet picking up the post and sharing it out wider and wider.

Can you guess this NHL player by his sexcapades? (Hint: It’s exactly who you think)

Hockey players used to be the humble, hard working gentleman of sports. What happened?

Should the Kings trade Evan Buckley? Can they?

Nash should make Buckley sit for embarrassing the team like this.

Aw, man, don’t do that. Sitting’s a little tough for Buckley right now

🤣

And I thought it couldn’t get worse than the time he fucked that mascot in Carolina

{This post may contain explicit content}

😵‍💫

🤮

Excuse you, Gritty has standards

[98 more posts]

Whether from a latent masochistic streak or just because he didn’t want to look away and find that the story had gotten bigger while he was gone, Buck couldn’t stop refreshing the pages. He read Jay’s words over and over again as his stomach roiled. If it had all been lies, Buck wouldn’t have spent the morning pressed into the corner of his couch, hoodie pulled up over his head like armor. If it had all been lies, he could have made a fiery statement, condemning the mystery author and condemning everyone who thought they had a right to consume and critique another person’s sex life.

There were some lies, of course, but it was true enough that Buck’s heart clenched with it. True enough that he could remember how he felt when it was happening, during the three times they’d been together before the photo. Soft and desired and joyful. There was a part of him that was still exposed to Jay, that always would be, this man with the sharp wit and the sharp smile who got Buck bare, begging and biddable all to make him a joke. As he read the smug asides in the unforgiving narrative, he could hear Jay’s voice in his ear.

The sixth time he read it, there was an addition.

Edit: Ha ha wow this really blew up. Doing an AMA at 6 eastern if you’re looking for more dirty details.

And for the first time, Buck felt the burn of tears in his eyes. Furious. Powerless.

The buzz of his phone started making his skin crawl so he shoved it between the couch cushions and tried not to think about it. He sat with his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around, rocking just a little as he felt panic creeping in.

What else could Jay possibly have to say? Would he make up more and more audacious lies as long as he had an audience? Would an NHL team want to touch Buck when he was done?

Were there more pictures?

It was the fourth night, the night that Buck caught Jay. Not the first night with the blindfold. What if? Buck shuddered, sinking lower, deeper into the couch, folding himself tighter and smaller, trying to crush the mounting, hopeless fear. He was there for a long time.

When the gentle knock hit his door, Buck jumped and then crouched tighter into his ball. He didn’t answer. There was no one he could face right now.

The knock came again.

Then the door opened.

Buck was up like a shot, nearly falling over the coffee table as he whirled around toward the intruder. Eddie stood in the doorway, holding up one empty hand and pulling his key out of the door with the other.

“Just me.”

“What are you doing here?” Buck asked, shoving his hands into the pocket of his hoodie to hide the fact that he’d been digging his nails into his palms for the last hour.

��Well, you took off. And you weren’t answering your phone.”

Hot shame flushed across Buck’s skin. Eddie knew. Eddie had seen the article and the articles about the article and the tweets about the articles and been shouted at by the cameras outside and Buck wanted to sink into the floor.

“Notice you didn’t take the hint.”

The attitude in Buck’s response didn’t faze Eddie at all, “Do I ever?”

And that almost made Buck feel like smiling, because no, no he didn’t. He said, “No. But there’s always a first time.”

Eddie came a little further into the apartment and Buck felt crowded. Eddie always seemed to take up so much space around him. Maybe it was just that Buck felt his presence most strongly than anyone else’s. Especially when he was like this: arms crossed, focused, not letting Buck wiggle out of a conversation that he didn’t want to have.

This time was no exception. When Buck turned and went back to the couch, compulsively refreshing the comments on Jay’s post again as he went, Eddie followed right after him.

“I came by to make sure you were okay,” he said and Buck flinched again, hating that Eddie knew. Hating that the team knew.

“I’m fine,” he answered, keeping his eyes down and away from Eddie. “Coach is going to rip me a new one tomorrow, but my agent hasn’t called me to tell me I’m being traded so yet so I guess that’s-”

“Who the fuck said you were being traded?” His voice was loud enough that Buck looked up, surprised to see the intensity of anger in Eddie’s face.

“THN. NHL Network did a round table on it too, but they didn’t think anyone would take me. Oh, then Kirk Davis did a radio interview.”

Everyone had picked up those soundbites. Even through the heavily bleeped broadcast, the future hall-of-famer’s opinion on Buck had been crystal clear. At least that wasn’t new information for Buck. Davis had all but refused to shake Buck’s hand when he first joined the Predators and was a big part of why his tenure there had only lasted until the trade deadline.

“Kirk Davis is a fucking asshole. There’s a reason they never made him captain.”

“He’s not the only one who said it.”

“Then he’s not the only fucking asshole out there.” When he didn’t respond, Eddie came around the couch to stand face to face with him, noticing the open comments page as he did. “Christ, have you been reading that shit all day?”

Somehow it made Buck laugh. “It’s the same shit I’ve been reading for 8 years. Since I got drafted. Buckley’s a distraction to his team. Buckley’s an embarrassment to the game of hockey. Buckley cares more about getting laid and partying than he does about winning. It’s guys like Buckley that hurt the NHL.”

His voice pitched up as he recited the familiar accusations, staring somewhere over Eddie’s shoulder because Eddie already knew all this about him. Eddie was the opposite of Buck in every way. He would never make himself the center of attention. He’d never do anything to make his teammates ashamed to play with him. He’d never be so stupid as to go home with a guy like Jay.

“Buckley’s finally getting what he deserves.” Buck whispered.

“Look at me,” Eddie said. When Buck couldn’t, Eddie reached out, setting a light hand on his shoulder that got tighter when Buck tried to shrug out of the hold. “Hey. Look at me.”

He moved his head into the space where Buck was staring into the middle distance and waited. Until Buck couldn’t help but flick his gaze to meet Eddie’s. Once he did, he found a furious compassion that startled him.

“You don’t deserve this, Buck. You did nothing to deserve this. It is not your fault. Nobody in our room thinks it is. Bobby doesn’t think it is.”

Buck shuddered under the weight of the words. He wanted to pull himself free and he wanted to step in closer, “My agent told me I should own it. Post a couple thirst traps and a middle finger on instagram and just wave it off like another classic Evan Buckley weekend.”

There was a time when he would have. Times when he had. But this wasn’t a ridiculous paparazzi photo outside a bar, it was… It was private. It hurt.

As if reading his mind, Eddie said, “That’s not what this is. Fire him if he wants to make you pretend this is okay.”

“I just keep thinking if I was anyone else. If I was someone good, they’d all go after him and not me. I didn’t even do anything to him, Eddie. I didn’t-”

Before he could finish his sentence, Eddie tugged him forward and his arms were tight around his back. Buck should have tried to fight it, but he couldn’t help but fall against his chest and cling on. “You are someone good,” Eddie said, making Buck’s breath hitch. “And if you weren’t, it wouldn’t matter. It’s wrong. They’re wrong.”

“I shouldn’t have trusted him,” Buck confessed into the soft fabric of Eddie’s shirt. “I was so stupid back then. I just wanted- I wanted him to like me. And I’m still- It still hurts that he didn’t. How fucked up is that? He did this. And I still just wish he liked me.”

One of Eddie’s hands moved up to cradle the back of Buck’s head. They were swaying, just a little, Eddie rocking them gently. “I know,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”

He managed to keep from crying, but Buck couldn’t stop his breath from coming out in soft, stuttering gasps. Couldn’t keep his fingers from digging into Eddie’s back. If he thought about it, he could imagine this post too (Evan Buckley cried like a baby on my shoulder AMA), but Eddie would never do that. The warm heat of him against Buck’s chest was like a blanket hiding him from the world. It was the most vulnerable he’d been all day and the most sheltered.

Eddie didn’t let go until Buck pulled back and even then he didn’t go far, “Have you eaten since practice?”

“I didn’t think I’d be able to without throwing up,” Buck said honestly.

“Do you want to order something from-”

The timer on Buck’s laptop shrieked and they both jumped. Eddie recovered quickly, but Buck’s heart leapt into his throat. He’d almost forgotten. How could he have forgotten? Pulling away from Eddie, he turned off the timer and refreshed the post, looking for the link he knew would be there.

“Come on, Buck, really?”

Eddie reached out to slam the laptop closed, but Buck shoved his hand in the way. “I have to, Eddie. He’s doing an AMA. I have to-”

“I’m not going to let you torture yourself reading what a bunch of sick assholes have to say, Buck. No way.”

“I have to.”

“No, you-”

“Yes, I do!” He shouted it, standing up to look Eddie in the eye. “I have to read it. I have to see it now because if- if- if I wait and it gets reposted- I have to know if he has- I have to-”

“Buck,” Eddie said, putting his hands on Buck’s arms, trying to rub calmness back into him even as Buck’s heart-rate accelerated. “What does he have? What could be worse than what he already-”

“Pictures,” Buck yelled. “I have to know if he has pictures.”

A dark, dark look came over Eddie’s face and he stopped rubbing Buck’s arms to squeeze instead. “You think he has pictures?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Buck whimpered. He saw himself as if from above, stretched out long and lewd against Jay’s sheets. He imagined ten thousand other people seeing it. “He took- I caught him taking one. Once. But I don't know if it was the only one. I don’t- I can’t let them get out. If he has them, I have to know. I have to report the post. I have to-”

“No,” Eddie said.

“Yes, Eddie. I have-”

“I hear you. Okay? I hear you, but I’m not letting you do that. I’m not letting you put any more of that garbage in your head.”

“Eddie.”

“I’ll do it. I’ll report every goddamn post.” Lifting one hand, Eddie stroked a thumb softly along Buck’s hairline. “Let me do it. Let me protect you.”

Buck swallowed hard, fear and relief and longing fighting for control of the tears that were building up again. He didn’t want Eddie to see any of that. He didn’t want Jay’s words in Eddie’s head. But Buck really really didn’t want them in his own. He wanted someone to protect him. “Thank you,” he said, falling forward again to rest his head on Eddie’s shoulder.

“I’ve got you,” Eddie replied, rubbing his hands firmly up Buck’s back.

Eddie wouldn’t let Buck sit on the couch while he monitored the thread. He fished Buck’s phone out of the couch and made him answer the important messages. From Maddie. From Bobby. From Hen and Chimney. Then he’d told him to order food from the Lebanese place they always ordered from when Eddie came over, asking for extra of the pickled turnips. All the while, Eddie’s fingers slammed onto the keyboard, that sound the only reaction he gave to any of the posts.

It should have been unbearable, letting Eddie comb through the messages. Even without seeing them, Buck knew what they were like. He blocked people every week for the same kind of thing. But Eddie had a defense against them that Buck never had: he didn’t believe they were true. Not even a little bit. He didn’t believe there was a chance that Buck was getting what he deserved for being a show off, for never being a points leader, for being open and soft hearted, for being himself. Eddie believed Buck deserved to be protected and he was ruthless about it.

“No pictures,” he said, a while later, when Jay had finally stopped replying to every comment on the page. “And the rest of it is… well. It’s nothing new.”

“Really?”

“Really. I think it’s done.”

Eddie closed the laptop as if by making that gesture of finality, he could make the words true. Buck, allowed back on his own couch, let himself believe it too. Let himself lean into the safety of Eddie’s arm over his shoulders, breathing in a deep sigh of relief as they caught the Canucks game.

The next morning, Jay’s story was hardly anywhere to be seen. It was replaced. By an essay in The Players’ Tribune. It excoriated Jay. It called out Kirk Davis by name and hundreds of online posters by their bad intentions. It praised Buck’s grace, tenacity, and backhand shot and it demanded respect and compassion and privacy from anyone who called themselves a hockey fan. And it wasn’t anonymous.

#whumptober2021 #no. 5 #betrayal #fic #911 #hanging out at the angst end of the spectrum #911fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #hockey au #allison can’t write a short fic to save her life #minimal edits #messy ending #questionable formatting #230 am #😴

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floramama · 3 years

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Making a Tree Guild

For the past year I've been working on turning our family house's lawn garden into a self sustained permaculture garden. The physical work and energy that goes into tending lawn is incredible. In addition it needs a lot of water to keep it green all the time!

It's hard work to get rid of lawn at once. So I started making circles around the fruit trees and planting perennials.

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Ağaç Birliği Oluşturmak

Bir seneye yakın bir süredir aile eviminizin çim bahçesini kendi kendine yeten bir permakültür bahçesine çevirmeye uğraşıyorum.

Çim bakımına harcanan fiziksel güç ve enerji inanılmaz dercede fazla! Üstüne üstlük çimi her daim yeşil tutmak için fazlasıyla su harcamak gerekiyor.

Çimden birdenbire kurtulmak çok zor olduğu için ben de meyve ağaçlarının etrafında günden güne genişleyen daireler açarak çok yıllık bitkiler ekmeye başladım.

1.COMFREY // Karakafes Otu

I heard about the benefits of comfrey a lot while reading about permaculture,but there was no way I can find it here. While I was walking around I found a native comfrey which is Symphytum orientalis. The only difference from the officinale one is that this one has white flowers and has no medicinal uses. I uprooted a couple of them from the sidewalk and planted them around the trees. Now and then I tear the leaves to make a mulch full of minerals. Also when they flower in April bees love them!

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Karakafes otunun faydalarını permakültür kitaplarında çokça kez okumuştum.Ama bizim buralarda onu bulmak oldukça zordu.Gelin görün ki çevrede yürüyüş yaparken yol kenarında yerel bir karakafes otu gördüm (symphytum orientale). Officinale'den yani kitaplarda bahsedilenden tek farkı çiçeklerinin beyaz olması ve herhangi bir tıbbi kullanımının olmaması. Hemen kaldırım kenarından bir iki tanesini söktüm ve ağaçların etrafına diktim. Arada bir yapraklarını kopartıp, mineral dolu bir malç olarak toprağın üzerine bırakıyorum. Bir de Nisan'da çiçek açtıklarında arılar coşuyor!

2. ARTICHOKE // ENGİNAR

While I was living in Ayvalık right across Mitilini, I got very familiar with artichokes as they're being grown so much around the area. They are a living mulch with their large leaves that keep the soil moist and a wonderfully beneficial vegetable. They give out suckers (in Turkish they're called bastards) which can be planted elsewhere in the garden.Once you have 1 plant you can have many more!

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Ayvalık'ta yaşarken enginarı bitki olarak tanıma fırsatım olmuştu. Her bahçede mutlaka birkaç tane olurdu. Enginar kocaman yapraklarıyla toprağı nemli tutar, kuruyan yapraklarından malç yapılır, hem toprağa hem de insana faydalı güzel mi güzel bir bitki! Bir de yanlarından çıkan sürgünler (piç deriz biz) sökülüp bahçenin başka yerlerine ekilebilir. Yani, eve geldim bir tane , bahçeye ektim bin tane diyebiliriz!

3.DAFFODILS // NERGİS

Daffodils are flowers that are grown from bulbs. They hold moisture and prevent nutrients from washing away with rains .I found some bulbs online, but it took nearly a month for it to get here because of covid-19. But they were still in shape and I planted them right away in February. It took a little while to see the shoots and I had to protect them from our jumping kittens but they made it through and bloomed so wonderfully! They cheered up me and the bees in the gloomy cold days.

////////////////////////////////

Nergisler soğanlı bitki türlerindendir. Topraktaki nemi tutar ve besinlerin yağmurlarla topraktan akmasını önlerler. Nergis soğanlarını internetten ısmarlamıştım ama covid'den dolayı gelmesi 1 ayı buldu.Neyse ki hala ekilebilir durumdaydılar ve Şubat'ta soğanları kayısı ağacının etrafına ektim. İlk sürgünlerin çıkması biraz uzun sürdü ve onları hoplayıp zıplayan yavru kedilerimizden korumak için çeşitli numaralar bulmam gerekti ama sonunda çiçekler açtı! Karanlık soğuk Mart günlerinde çiçekler beni ve arıları çok mutlu ettiler!

4.CALENDULA // AYNISEFA

Another of my favorite plants!( I have a litttle blog post dedicated to its benefits,you can read it here) . It attracts beneficial insects and deters pests. It's a self seeding plant and new seedlings come up all the time.So I just move the seedlings wherever I want. The best part is that they bloom nearly all year long!

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En sevdiğim bitkilerden bir tanesi! Kendisinden burada bahsetmiştim. Yararlı böcekleri kendine çekip zararlıları uzaklaştıran bir çiçek. Aynısefa kendi kendini tohumladığı için devamlı etrafta yeni filizler çıkıyor, ben de onları bahçenin muhtelif yerlerine taşıyıp dikiyorum. İşin en güzel tarafı da neredeyse senenin tamamında çiçek açması!

5.WILDFLOWERS // YABANİ ÇİÇEKLER

Once I cultivated the soil underneath the trees, all kinds of native flowers came up. They're bees’ favorites, add color and joy to otherwise boring lawn, some of them are ground covers that spread prolifically and they need no special attention: they can take care of themselves!

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Ağaçların etrrafındaki çimi kaldırdığım ve toprağı çapaladığım için birer birer yerel çiçekler ortaya çıktı. Arılar bu işe çok sevindi! Çim varken monoton görünen bahçeye renk ve neşe geldi. Çiçeklerden bazıları yer örtücüler, yayıldıkça yayılıyorlar (çim alanını azaltmak için ideal bir özellik) ve kendi kendilerine yetip özel bir ilgiye ihtiyaç duymuyorlar!

Lamium Purpureum (dead nettle) // Ballıbaba

Dead nettle was the star of the wildflowers! It was everywhere and I was so joyful to see all kinds of bees -especially bumblebees- buzzing around in cold March days. It's an edible plant with lots of healing properties.

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Işte bahçedeki yabani çiçeklerin yıldızı ballıbaba! Bir anda heryerde çıktı,büyüdü ve çiçek açtı! Çeşit çeşit arıları vızır vızır çiçeklerinde gezinirken görmek soğuk Mart günlerinde neşeme neşe kattı! Ballıbaba yenebilir bir bitki ve saymakla bitmeyen tıbbi özellikleri var.

Cardamine hirsuta (Bittercress) // Acıtere

With its curly little leaves and tiny white flowers it was growing all around! It's edible and very pretty. It has a funny way of dispersing its seeds. Once the seedpods are dry, as soon as you touch them the seeds fly all over the place! At first I thought they were tiny little insects that were jumping around,but no! They were the jumping seeds!

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Acıtere kıvır kıvır yaprakları ve minik beyaz çiçekleriyle bahçenin her yanında belirdi! Yenebilir yaprakları olan şirin bir bitki. Tohumlarını çok komik bir yolla saçıyor. Tohum keseleri kuruyup iyice olgunlaştığında, dokunur dokunmaz tohumlar dört bir yana uçmaya başlıyor! İlk başta ne olduğunu anlamadım ,acaba ufak böcekler mi zıplıyor dedim ama hayır! Zıplayan tohumlardı bunlar! Böylelikle bahçedeki yerini garantiye almış oldu acıterecik.

Veronica persica (speedwell) // Mavişotu, cırcamuk

It almost took over the lawn.It's a creeping plant,a great ground cover and has tiny blue flowers which bees love! I just learned from juliasedibleweeds.com that Gypsies use this plant as a blood purifier. It also heals eyesores,removes excess mucus,soothes internal tissues,treats asthma,coughs..wow!

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Bu bitki neredeyse çimi ele geçirdi. Yayılıcı, minik mavi çiçekleri olan güzel bir bitki. Çiçekleri çok küçük olmasına rağmen arılar onu çok seviyor. Bu blog'tan öğrendiğime göre çingeneler mavişotunu kan temizleyici olarak kullanıyorlarmış.Üstelik göz enfeksiyonlarına iyi gelmesinin yanı sıra balgam söktürücü, doku iyileştirici, astımı ve öksürükleri dindirici etkileri varmış...vay be!

St.John's Wort (hypericum perforatum ) // Sarı Kantaron

I see it here and there and I keep it in protection. It's one of my favorite plants! I use its flowers for making an infused oil that I use for making salves. It heals burns and scrapes with incredible speed,like magic! Also an infused tea made of its flowers is an anti-depressant.It cheers you up without even noticing it!

When it's not flowering it develops roots and gives out shoots all round, which makes it a great ground cover.

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Bahçenin orasında burasında sarı kantaron bitkisini görüyorum ve hemen koruma altına alıyorum. En sevdiğim bitkilerden birisidir kendisi! Çiçeklerini zeytinyağında bekletip, o yağdan merhem yapıyorum.Yanıkları,kesikleri inanılmaz,sihirli bir hızla iyileştiriyor! Çiçeklerinden demlenen çay da depresyona çok iyi geliyor.Farkına bile varmadan bir bakmışsınız ki yerinizde dans etmeye başlamışsınız!

Bu bitki çiçek açmadığı zaman gücünü köklerine ve etrafa yayılmaya veriyor, bu da çim alanını azaltmak için güzel bir özellik.

Muscari armeniacum (grape hyacinth) // Arap sümbülü

In winter I noticed dark green allium like shoots coming up around the borders of the garden and I let them grow to see what will come out of them. At the end of March small flowers came up and there it was: grape hyacinth! It's such a delicate flower and YES it was also a native plant!

It's wonderful to see how many beautiful and beneficial plants lay underneath the boring lawn!

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Kışın bahçenin kenar kısımlarında çıkan,koyu yeşil soğansı filizler dikkatimi çekti.Bıraktım büyüsünler ki çiçek açınca ne olduklarını anlayayım. Mart sonunda minik mor çiçekleri açtı ve anladım ki bu arap sümbülüymüş! O kadar kibar bir bitki ki...ve EVET o da yerel bir tür!

Çimin altında yatan onlarca güzel ve yararlı bitkiyle karşılaşmak harika bir his!

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doubledoubletoilettrouble · 3 years

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personal post- CW death, family tensions, intergenerational trauma/ abuse, chronic illness

big weird grief day. just gotta vent.

my ama died when i was 4-nearly 5. 22 years ago today. she raised me far more than my dad did when i was that age. possibly more than my mum did too, as she wasn't really equipped to be a parent.

it's odd because her death was the incident that scaffolded the shape of my life more than any other event. i grew as i could in the shadowed grief of my mother's loss of her own. in turn, my mother would treat me as child, friend, parent, or partner based on whatever suited her at a given moment. I would try to form myself to be for her.

My mum has told me at length the trauma caused by my ama being too chronically ill-mentally and physically- to really get put of bed much throughout the course of my mum's childhood. She has also attempted to rationalize the death, saying it's better that she died when she did rather than be miserable as an amputee. Just. deep ableist eugenics thoughts that I was steeped in to achieve a mighty brew of self loathing. ugh.

She was diagnosed with Lupus and with Chronic Fatigue, among other things. Autoimmune disorders and deep disabilities that only could be seen in what she did or could not do.

And now I'm realizing how much of my life is a struggle against my own autoimmune issues, a fight against my own body and its relationship to society and capitalism and to time and to just. All outside myself . and it's getting worse and i cannot get out of bed more and more often just like her and there is so much where I am just like her and I am scared because her autoimmune stuff is what killed her.

And i also base so much of my magic on this Feeling that I feel is of her. This community, creation-based hearth energy. Everybody who knew my ama says how warm she was. she made people blankets and food and grew flowers for people and cared so deeply and well in all those matrilineal ways. she made so many mistakes bjt she was doing so Well when she died, apparently. Therapy and volunteering and working on stuff with my mum.

And then an asthma attack after a tiff between them after thanksgiving. Then flesh-eating bacteria picked up from a hospital superbug. then back to the hospital and she was gone and there were just two of us in this line where there was meant to be three to do this work we have to do to heal what my papa did here.

And I always thought my affinity to rot would keep me safe- that eating bugs and foods long past five-second-rules and being at ease with filth and baseness would make me stronger and that I wouldn't go like she did- early and Wrong and rotting while alive.

Because now my sickness is hitting me and rot and mold and dust and plants all can hurt my battling body so quickly. Now I have asthma, and an inhaler for when I encounter those triggers. How long until that seething, leaking death comes for my throat? How long before poverty and disability creep up on me or chase me down and take what life remains in md?

And now my mum has chosen to take actions that mean I cannot be in her life right now. And she cannot and will not accept that despite her grief- the deep sacred grief of losing a parent- I might be physically Sicker than her. I might be just like her mum, and that she has failed Both of us in failing me in my battle against it all.

And she uses this false idea of my ama's love and Presence to manipulate and validate herself and her shitty choices.

Her grief on this day is about losing a parent. Yes, it was early, but that does happen to most people in life. For me this day is tied up with my grief for my own life lost to my disability, whether in time or experience, that is sure to come- to continue. And I don't want to compare grief, that is not fair, but my grief has never been properly cared for or tended to, while I performed my mum's grief back at her so that we might experience some type of Togetherness with it all but never has mine been held by her or the rest of my blood family and it just gets deeper and more complex and now due to having to put up boundaries with All of them I feel completely and utterly alone with it. I feel absolutely cursed for my blood, in so many ways.

And idk. I guess this is just some threads of the underworld work that's coming up around today. It felt like it needed to be shared, but not to many, hence: tumblr.

If you do read this, please like the post. Just need to know whether or not this is floating in the void. either is fine i just wanna know.

#like if read #plz #personal #death #underworld work #rabble log #family #disability

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endearingsalt · 3 years

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I’m rewatching Journey to Babel and I have a *lot* of feelings

and i also have pumpkin liqueur with ice cream and you should too

i have BIG feelings about the very first shot of sarek being one where spock and bones are in the foreground as spock tries to teach bones the ta’al and the two are doing their banter as normal. like sarek boards the enterprise probably knowing spock would be there, and there’s huge fanfare, all eyes on him, except for one person, and that person is his son, who’s too busy talking to his friend to fuckn bother looking up for him

what kind of an asshole do you have to be to not return the ta’al, at all, ever, much less to your own child, like i don’t even fuckn care that they’ve been estranged for 18 years, what the fuck @ Sarek

and jim and bones agree with me. they have that quick exchange as the tension grows and sarek looks away, and i’m RIGHT there with them because they KNOW what a big deal this shit is and right out of the gate for seemingly no reason this guy’s just gonna insult spock like that

we see bones think about trying the ta’al for all of one second and then my boi puts his hand back down and i’m like good, he doesn’t deserve your well-wishes

and when amanda comes up?? when sarek presents her to jim??? she brushes past spock without so much as a glance. i hate them both so much

now. we all love to laugh about jim asking if spock wants to beam down to visit his parents and then having to get told that “.....these.....ARE my parents....” but i’d also like to point out that jim’s original plan was to have spock show sarek and amanda around, likely because of a mix of being the first officer + being a vulcan. when sarek asks for someone else, jim and bones make eye contact again, and this one is more steely than the last. they were surprised and annoyed at the unreturned ta’al, but they’re both straight-up pissed now, and they don’t even know the tea yet. i would like to suggest jim goes out of his way to point out that spock is both well-regarded and a fellow vulcan, all while also trying to give him an out for a few hours, since none of them are happy about being around this many politicians anyway, and there’s clearly something Up with these two specifically. idk i really like that the timing and tone indicates jim specifically chose to offer that to spock because of what had just happened. of course it really blows up in his face, but, well, how could he have known considering none of these people chose to fuckn tell him

on that note, damn, we all talk about this one, but what the hell was spock’s plan huh? did he think jim knew, somehow? did he think he’d have a chance to explain later on? did he think he could get away with no one ever finding out? was his sole purpose truly just to sow chaos? did he try to find some way to explain all this beforehand and just kept falling short until the deadline was upon him and he just went in blind hoping for the best? not very logical in any case but wow is it a mood

the first. and i mean THE FIRST FUCKING THING amanda says to spock is “after all these years among humans, you still haven’t learned to smile” okay lemme just break down all the ways i’m in a damn rage over this

FIRST OF ALL, when they + jim arrive in engineering where spock is, he doesn’t seem to have been aware they were coming, and his back was to the door at the time, which means they effectively snuck up on him. he gets up, turns around, and settles into parade rest, as he do. he doesn’t acknowledge them beyond that, and jim continues the tour past him, graciously attempting to end the brief and unexpected encounter smoothly. need i remind us all that both sarek and amanda actively chose to not acknowledge spock before this; indeed, sarek actively insulted him twice, and amanda settled on simply acting like she’d never seen him before in her life. they set the tone here. his reaction in this scene is simply falling in step with what they had set, and is actually on the polite end of that.

amanda breaks this no-contact with an immediate insult both to spock as an individual and to his vulcan side, which she knows spock highly values. furthermore, her exact words are something many of us have repeatedly heard. they are invalidating words that seek to shame a person for not presenting what they have deemed the correct emotion at the correct time. they’re invalidating enough when used on a person who is actively happy and just doesn’t show it in the way some are used to seeing it, but that isn’t what’s happening here. no, here amanda knows exactly what she and sarek have done to alienate spock just in the last 5 minutes, let alone the last 18 years. she knows precisely why he would be on edge here, and seek to avoid another encounter. she’s fully aware of his discomfort, and chooses to make her first words to him scolding ones.

his response is measured, and scans as normal, but there’s tension in his tone, as there rightfully should be under the circumstances. and yet her next words are scolding him for not visiting her, despite the fact that he and sarek are estranged and she knows that, despite the fact that she’s given him not a single fuckn reason to do so in both scenes she’s been in so far.

can we talk about “my wife, attend” and “mr spock, a moment if you please” and the fact that the parallel is completely obvious and jim is really clearly doing it so that spock can show off after it became clear that just walking past wasn’t gonna be an option (thanks, amanda). that ALSO immediately blows up in his face, but dammit, he’s trying. i feel for jim here honestly. he keeps trying to help spock out and at every turn he accidentally does the worst possible thing. anyways spock takes off, thankfully, and i sure hope the man gets to go have a solid meditation time before the dinner later, because Lord knows he’ll need it

so then sarek, that little sniveling bitch, bows out on the rest of the tour. because “offense is a human emotion,” but pettiness is SURE vulcan. the humans are now alone. important to note that jim did not hear what amanda and spock just said to each other. all he saw was that the second amanda had an opportunity to speak to spock without sarek hearing them, she took it. he therefore likely thinks (correctly, to a degree) that he and amanda are on better terms. he’s also more comfortable with her because she’s human. so the first thing he says, after finally letting himself actually show some of the massive discomfort he’s been feeling this whole time, is “i don’t understand him,” meaning sarek. he’s hoping to gauge amanda and get some insight on what the HELL is wrong with sarek. and he and amanda hit it off! amanda is charming! they’re cute together! meet the mother-in-law is going well, and based off the way amanda says “he is a vulcan; i’m his wife,” it seems pretty clear that amanda is woke to The Premise from the get-go. meet the son-in-law is going well. jim then tackles the big question. the father/son estrangement.

“spock is my best officer. and my friend” says jim immediately, because amanda’s response indicates the sarek isn’t wrong for the way he just treated spock, and wow is jim not gonna stand for that for a second. we love to see it.

amanda is wearing this “concerned mother” expression as she talks about how it’s “hard” for spock to be split between humans and vulcans, as if she ever actually understood any of that when she so clearly doesn’t.

let me. let me get this straight. let me just. let me really just. get this hammered in here. “it’s logical,” says amanda, for sarek and spock to have not spoken as father and son for 18 years, because spock chose starfleet, and sarek had wanted him to carry on the family tradition at the VSA. sarek is so fucking upset that spock chose a different career than the one he wanted him to have that he cut contact for nearly 20 years, and, amanda says, “it’s logical.” “it’s the vulcan way.” “it’s a better way than ours, but it isn’t easy.” what about this is the vulcan way? what the fuck? what the FUCK.

anyways. stubbornness. a human trait. that grin. yeah, these two are tight now, as shitty as amanda may be.

this post is about spock’s family life so i won’t rant about the colored marshmallow wine.

jim: *kicks back a shot as he has to listen to sarek speak words*. what a mood

bones: now’s my time to shine. my time to learn all the dirt on spock.

spock: no, please, no

amanda: now is my time to shine. my time to sow chaos

this is it. this is why spock tried to not let bones know who sarek and amanda were. this was it all along

“you embarrassed spock this evening” says sarek, to amanda, when they are alone. “not even a mother may do that. he is a vulcan.” i’m gonna cut a bitch, i swear, this guy, this guy thinks telling your son’s friends about a childhood pet is worse than not returning the ta’al, what the fuck. don’t act so fucking high and mighty sarek. don’t even start with me.

TO AMANDA’S CREDIT, she needles sarek about how he actually is proud of spock and just doesn’t want to admit he’s been wrong for the last 18 years.

their marriage is cute i’ll give them that

“threats are illogical and payment is usually expensive” IS a baller line, even though it comes from sarek. see this is the thing, sarek and amanda both have redeeming qualities. i can’t quite manage to hate either of them completely. which is what makes this episode so good.

mm. i really like how bones just like, really tries to avoid outing sarek as a suspect, and just looks to spock instead. we love to see it.

“sorry, it couldn’t have been me, i was busy having a heart attack”

“sorry, can’t argue, am having a heart attack now”

the vulcan way is to time heart attacks to the most dramatic times possible

spock: jim, please, please stop trying to make me feel feelings about my father. i am NOT prepared for that shit right now, for the love of surak.

also, this episode said “uhura is a vital member of this team” and we love to see it

someone get amanda a damn chair, her husband’s in the middle of dying

spock: wow. i was dreading this trip but i did not anticipate having to deal with the fact that i still care about my shitty father

OOOOOOOOKKKKAAAAYYYY. when spock puts together the plan to use the drug on himself and then give the necessary blood to sarek, amanda is the one to explicitly put it together. when spock says yeah, still under the “emotions? none here, all i have is Logic,” we cut back to amanda, who goes through several emotions in the close-up. she knows. she knows spock’s quick willingness to take the risk is stemming from care for sarek, despite the fact that he’s been an extremely shitty father. she also looks maybe a little guilty. and i hope she feels that way. some guilt would do her good.

this whole episode really sucks for bones. he’s just trying to be a decent medical practitioner and no one is respecting that.

oh here’s kirk’s ass

gosh this fight scene is fucking outta nowhere. i fucking love this show. it’s weird as hell. what the HELL is this fighting technique. and passing like that? i’m losing my mind what the hell

THAT SAID this episode REALLY sucks for spock. homeboy’s already going through some massive shit and then jim gets critically injured. we hate to see it

oh no. oh shit. here it comes. the worst scene. the scene that makes me want to throw things at the screen. here we go

FUCK YOU, AMANDA. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU, AMANDA. FUCK. YOU.

this isn’t even a vulcan-based decision. This is the kind of decision a human in the same situation would also have to make. spock CANNOT hand over command right now. there are dozens of delegates on board. the captain has been critically injured. there is an extremely dangerous, unidentified ship just outside. there is so obviously a scheme at work. there is immediate danger to hundreds of individuals, and as first officer, he has a duty to the ship. he literally says all this. he literally says that he would do it if he could without abandoning everyone else. this decision is logical, but it is not devoid of emotion. he states that clearly. but does amanda listen? no. she doesn’t. her ears are closed in this conversation. she only has one goal here: shame spock into obedience. and when he refuses to yield, she gets aggressive.

i get it, okay. i do. this situation is awful for her. she’s stressed to the max. she has an outburst, a mistake. but what she does isn’t acceptable. it’s awful, it’s horrible, i hate her for it so much.

i have more i could say on this subject, but this post is about the whole episode, not just this scene.

“we cannot disregard that philosophy for personal gain, no matter how important that gain might be.” your 1 is showing mr spock. also i love you. i’d ask you to marry me but you’re already married

oh, i hate her. OH, i hate her.

the gaslighting, folks!! the shaming!!!! the emotional manipulation!! i hate it!! i hate it so much!!!! OHHHHHHH MY GOSH I HATE THIS

oh wow i’m gonna have to make a second post just about this scene later. i can’t type it all now. i don’t have time and also i’ve get too emotional

spock can’t even talk it out with jim because jim’s busy being near death in the same damn room as his father, and he can’t go to bones because bones is busy trying to keep them both from dying, and he can’t go to uhura because uhura is busy tracking the threat.........ohhhhh i hate this so much

the hand he puts up against the door that will ultimately mirror wrath of khan, only this door isn’t clear, and the gesture isn’t returned....... i hate this so much

jim, finding out about all the shit that’s gone down while he’s been unconscious: can’t damn a man for his loyalty. YES JIM YES. this is what we love to see. everyone else sees spock’s actions so far as disloyal to his father. only jim has seen them as acutely loyal, to starfleet. AND he’s willing to put himself in danger to let spock off the hook.

spock, looking from jim to bones back to jim: mm. i sense bullshit. and you know what? plausible deniability. yeah sure i’ll go save my father’s life.

I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT, that the plan jim made upon waking up assumed spock was overly cautious in thinking scotty shouldn’t be put in command. he intended to let scotty take over as soon as spock was gone. then. after a mere few seconds on the bridge, he changes his plans. spock had been right. spock was RIGHT to stay in command. VINDICATION.

okay i don’t even think amanda should be in the room right now but she should CERTAINLY have a damn chair

spock, in the middle of an operation: okay WAIT actually i just figured it ou- *is sedated* this is just like hermione getting petrified

wow this episode really sucks for bones. the poor man’s doing surgery on vulcans in the middle of a space battle.

jim, immediately: is spock okay. don’t give me this bullshit is hE OKAY YES OR NO

the end scene is sweet. EXCEPT FOR SAREK BEING A BITCH, AS HE FUCKN DOES. “one does not thank logic” fuck you man

“Logic, logic, FUCK your logic” - let amanda say fuck edition

we do like to see sarek finally speaking to spock of his own free will, but he’s still an asshole

okay this bit with the triumvirate. very cute. a nice ending. we need some release after that damn episode.

i can’t believe i made it to the end. i started at 8:15 and it’s 10 now.

#marie talks #star trek

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mitchsmarners · 5 years

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LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING [SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF]

chapters: 2 of 5 pairing: eddie kaspbrak/richie tozier (reddie) summary: eddie kaspbrak runs an advice blog online, and he finds that maybe he’s starting to develop feelings for the cute, regular anon he gets gushing about their crush. meanwhile, richie tozier opens up his heart about falling in love to an anonymous advice blogger.

read on ao3

Mike Hanlon let himself into Eddie’s bedroom, the way he’d been doing since the pair had been children. Eddie reacted the same way he had since they were children, as well- which was the say not at all. He didn’t even look up from his computer, still staring at the message in his inbox that was now nearly twenty-four hours old.

“Are you really pissed about that lamp?” Mike asked, shaking Eddie out of his thoughts. Eddie finally lifted his head from the computer and frowned at his best friend. “Because I honestly thought you didn’t even like it, didn’t your aunt force it on you when your mom died?”

Eddie waved his hand impatiently at Mike. “No, dude, I don’t give a shit about that ugly ass lamp.”

That answer didn’t seem to satisfy Mike, however, if the huff of breath he gave meant anything. “Then why have you been hiding in here all damn day? You’re not even dressed. I know it’s your day off, but you usually at least leave your room. Is it because of Bill, because I thought we-”

“Would you stop spiraling?” Eddie laughed a little awkwardly, scratching at his cheek absentmindedly. “I already told you I don’t care if you’re dating Denbrough, if you think he’s changed. So stop worrying about it. I actually like him a little bit more after he broke that lamp last night.”

Mike let out a relieved sigh before narrowing his eyes at Eddie once again. “That doesn’t change the fact that something is wrong with you. If it’s not Bill or the ugly lamp, then why have you been moping in here all day?”

Eddie groaned. “Richie and I almost kissed last night. When Bill broke the lamp, it sort of ruined the whole moment and then we didn’t. We didn’t even talk about it.”

Mike dropped down onto the bed, staring at Eddie with wide eyes. “Bill interrupted your first kiss with Tozier? I’m withholding sex for a week.” Eddie laughed, socking Mike in the shoulder as Mike’s face turned serious again. “But you’re moping because you got cock blocked from a kiss last night? It’s still progress, Eddie. You can talk to him about it, I’m sure he’s been thinking about it all day, too. He’s been whipped for you for two years.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “No, that’s not... Okay, so you know my advice blog? Got kind of popular a while ago after that stupid Buzzfeed article?”

“Yeah, what does that have to do-” Mike asked, before trailing off and closing his eyes. “Oh no.”

“I think Richie might have been messaging it for a couple months now,” Eddie continued speaking, though he suspected that Mike was already putting together most of the puzzle himself. “And I think he might have been talking about me. I got a message from the anon last night- they always mark their message with a purple heart- and it was just... too similar to what happened between Rich and I.”

Eddie shuffled to sit up properly on the bed, tossing his laptop over to Mike and pointing to the open message on the screen. “If this is Richie, then he’s been messaging me for months talking about having a crush on me! It means Richie likes me!”

Mike blinked. “Eddie, even if this anon isn’t Richie- Richie still likes you. But you should probably figure out if this anon is Richie or not. Because I doubt Richie knows this blogger is you.”

“Nobody knows this blogger is me, and I plan on keeping it that way until I die.” Eddie said firmly, watching the bored expression settle over Mike’s face. “But how I am supposed to figure out if it’s Richie or not! It’s not like I can answer this and be like... hey, does this happen to be the Starbucks douchebag with the curls who tried to kiss me while watching the Office last night? Ha ha! I’d totally expose myself! I don’t post personal stuff on this blog, Mike!”

“Stop spiraling,” Mike repeated Eddie’s earlier words back to him calmly. Eddie momentarily wondered how many times they’d spoken those exact words to one another in their friendship. “But this is actually easy. You’re an advice blog, right?” Eddie nodded. “So... give this anon advice, something for them to do, and if Richie does those things... then he’s your anon.”

“Oh my God, Mike.” Eddie tossed his arms around Mike’s shoulders. “You’re an absolute genius and a life saver and the love of my life.”

The door to Eddie’s bedroom open again without warning, and this time Eddie rolled his eyes as Mike’s new boyfriend, Bill Denbrough, came in without wearing a shirt but still wearing a hat. “Eddie, do you like pepper on your home fries? Mike and I are doing b-b-b-breakfast for dinner since you didn’t eat this m-m-morning.”

Bill then dropped his eyes to Mike and Eddie hugging on the bed, and frowned. “Do you two have m-m-matching Spongebob and Patrick paj-j-amas?”

Mike and Eddie broke down into giggles.

xxx

“And then he closed his eyes!” Richie shouted, tossing his hands into the air. “And then-”

Stanley Uris let out a loud, annoying sigh. “And then Denbrough broke the lamp in the living room, and interrupted it. Yes, I know, Richard. You’ve told me a hundred times. You told me last night when you got home. The most interesting part of your story was Eddie didn’t maim Bill Denbrough for breaking something in his house.”

Richie waved Bill off, circling whipped cream on the top of a frappe. “Eddie hated that lamp, if anything he likes Denbrough a little bit more for breaking it. But you’re telling me that you don’t think the fact that Eddie was going to let me kiss him even if a little bit interesting?”

“Not really.” Stan said dryly. “You and Eddie have been doing this dance for what? Two years? It’s gotten a little boring. We all know how it’s going to end. You both know how it’s going to end. I’m sure our regular customers of the last year know how it’s going to end. You and Eddie Kaspbrak are going to get together, and one day get married and adopt a couple multi-racial babies.”

Richie sighed dreamily as he handed the drink to the incredible patient customer. Stan gave her an apologetic smile. “So, yes.” Stan said, gesturing at Richie with a spoon. “The most interesting part of your story for me, is Eddie’s conflict with Bill and his war on frat boys.”

Richie flushed slightly, rolling the blue sanitation cloth between his hands. “Yeah, well... He’ll get over that. Eventually.”

“You said that two years ago,” Stan pointed out gently. “And he still hates them as much as he always has.”

“Well, I’m not even a frat boy so it doesn’t matter!” Richie shot back, watching how Stan rolled his eyes and hummed while sounding completely unconvinced. Richie huffed angrily and stomped into the back room to pull out and check his phone. His heart started to race when he saw the Tumblr notification of the only blog he had push notifications on had posted. He grinned to himself when he saw that it was finally a response to his ask from last night.

Hey purple heart! <3 I have a bit of a challenge for you, if you’re interested! The best way to see if your crush likes you back, is to make your feelings a little more obvious! You said you worked in the same building, so next time you know you’re both on shift, bring your crush some dinner or lunch or whatever. Whatever you know if their favourite thing to eat in the mall. Anything to let him know that you’re thinking about him! Of course, I’ll never know if you don’t!

Richie grinned and bit down on his bottom lip.

xxx

The next day at work, Eddie spun around in his chair, thinking about how much he liked being on the day shift at the ridiculous store. He barely had to do anything when there were no screechy teenage girls screaming in his face. His new college class schedule had done him a blessing, Eddie supposed.

“Eddie, your boyfriend is here.” Kay whispered in Eddie’s ear as she walked behind him. Eddie jumped and turned around as Richie came ducking into the entry of the store. Eddie grabbed one of the paper clips and threw it at her.

“He’s not my fucking boyfriend!” Eddie hissed at her, but he hissed his words through a smile.

“Hey.” Richie came around the back of the desk, a white plastic bag with obvious food containers in his hands. Eddie’s heart leaped as he turned around. Richie was the purple heart anon... Richie was the purple heart anon. “I brought you some lunch, from that little Chinese place in the corner of the food court that you like so much. Chicken chow mien and spring rolls?”

“Yes!” Eddie cried, accepting the food from Richie’s extended hands. Eddie curled his fingers over the handle and stood up. “What time do you get off tonight? You can come over after. We still didn’t get to the part where Jim and Pam finally get together.”

“That’s the best part,” Richie said, smiling googly. “I’d love to come over tonight, Eds. I finish up at 7, which means I’ll be done at 8 because.... Well, you know.”

“Yeah. “ Eddie said the words so softly. He let his hand come out and wrap around Richie’s wrist. “We can even make the popcorn on the stove like you like, even though microwaved popcorn is better.”

“It’s not about the taste, Eddie.” Richie said, as he said every time they’d had this conversation before. “It’s about the experience.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “I’ll make some in the microwave, too. Just in case you remember half way through that you don’t like the taste of your experience.”

Richie tilted his head to side slowly, then his head came forward and he pressed his lips against Eddie’s quickly. He pulled back just as quickly, so quickly that Eddie didn’t have a chance to kiss back. He just stared up at Richie with wide eyes, blinking hard.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry,” Richie instantly starting rambling. “I just.. I was going to kiss you the other night and I thought you seemed into it, you know? You closed your eyes, I thought you wanted to... but if that wasn’t okay, then I’m sorry, we can just forget that I even did that. Or you can punch me, like one time? If that will make you feel better-”

“Richie, stop!” Eddie laughed. “That was okay, it was... it was so okay. You just surprised me. But it was absolutely okay! Don’t apologize or freak out!”

Richie’s cheeks seemed to turn a light shade of pink and he snapped his fingers together a couple of time. “Okay cool. Cool coolcoolcool cool. I gotta get back to work though, or Stan will kick me out of our apartment for abandoning him with the basics.”

Eddie inhaled sharply and pushed himself up onto his toes. He pressed his lips to Richie’s in a return kiss, feeling Richie’s lips move softly against his for a short moment before Eddie was dropping back down onto the balls of his feet. Richie looked at him a little dazed and Eddie couldn’t stop smiling. “Bye. I’ll see you after work, okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, see you.” Richie walked backwards, tripped slightly over a display of graphic T-shirts and then hurried out of the store with his face bright red. Eddie laughed and moved to put the shirts back in the proper order.

“Not your fucking boyfriend, huh?” Kay said dryly from behind the desk.

Eddie just laughed.

#reddie #reddie fic #my writing #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #:D #these chapters was always so short but anyways #slowburn i dont know her #lmtys

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corvixa · 4 years

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This post is chaos

I've been on this website like 5 minutes and have collected 30 whole humans. Hi!

I do not know what lured you to this place, but I will supply pictures of my floofers doofs, random commentary of what polyamory actually looks like (because I know many people have this idea it's wall to wall banging. And I like confusing those people. Not that wall to wall banging poly is bad, I just like contrary tbh.)

Sometimes it's having your partner carve a pentagram in your front lawn. We are going to put a Rowan tree in the middle, so the two of us can dramatically yell 'MOUNTAIN ASH' at the ceiling, teen wolf style. (This is legit the only reason we picked that tree. We do this already at random, but we really wanted the tree to add to the drama) And she's going to put flowers in the sections and make it super pretty. Enter it into the local pretty garden competition because she thought it was funny.

Mostly rambling about my 3 fic universes.

100% serious. That's her, stood in the pentagram where the tree will go. She carved it early, so we literally just have a pentagram carved into our front lawn right now. Pretty sure she'll sit in it at some point sharpening her sycthe on a whetstone.

Also, ransom disibility stuff. Dramatic woman yelling at her body. That dislocates limbs in retaliation.

Now. It's the 'Oh my days did you really force your readers to wait for 300k words for 2 people to meet and leave it on a cliffhanger?' Yes. Yes you did. But, as I got the most ever comments on chapter 19, which introduced me to the sheer joy of having nearly 50 people most comments that were 50% screaming. This is not my fault. I am what you train me to be.

That were once dubbed, the short, the medium and the long.

The 'I wonder what short chapters are like' ... Huh. So that's how you amas 65 chapters, create multiple plot lines, have a section calls 'James Big Fae Adventure' and the incredibly well received "Avengers Recruitment Drive."

Finally. The pure, refined insomnia fic. Written by pure chaos insomnia muse that was a bit too chaos even for Avengers Recruitment Drive. Which, is pretty darn chaotic tbh. It is darkish, morality is an interesting concept that my characters unsubscribed to. It starts with a decapitation in a dystopian world and includes weird facts about my life at random. At some point it has soulmates and softness. Nope, I have no idea how this happened.

When I went to university as a mature student, I found myself, 24 years old, with a group of confused 18 year olds I collected who could not cook. So. I took them home and marched them into my kitchen and made them cook and have a well balanced diet.

The paintball stuff and most of the cooking in Desires also wholesale copied from my life. James Pie is a chocolate biscuit crust, with a chocolate baked custard thingy, a thin layer of chocolate fudge and a thick chocolate ganache with shaved chocolate on top. A friend asked for an "uber mega chocolate dessert" and I took it as a challenge because I have no chill.

I even considered slicing it into triangles, freezing and then dipping into a chocolate shell mix. But even I thing that was one chocolate too far. I was raised by a head chef, I'm a tyrant in the kitchen, my word is law, but I also teach as I go. My nemesis is blunt knives and the danger the pose.

I like to think I'm at least helpfully chaotic when I collect other socially awkward people? I am chaos mom. They also thought I was also 18 and occasionally still find pictures of me and lable them proof I am a demonic Fae creature who does not age. (There is 1 benefit of having Ehlers Danlos and that's the weird velvet soft skin that doesn't wrinkle much, so few people realise I'm 32. 😂)

It it is not fairly obvious by the general strange chaotic nature of this post, this is a 56 hour insomnia Philly. Which really hammers home Desires as 100 hour insomnia Philly.

#writing #insomnia wrote this #easily excitable autistic woman #Fluffy Autistic Woman #I just like typing #if that wasn't obvious #By Frostbitten 😂

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doublemmarketing · 5 years

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AOC’s Social Media Mastery

Politics and social media. Perhaps one of the dullest marriages to arise from the necessity of appealing to young (and now, older too) voters, many politicians don’t seem to know how to use this invaluable tool to effectively communicate their ideas, their values, their campaign – essentially, their brand – to audiences outside of the traditional media of television and newspapers. Whether that be due to boring, long-winded tweets or coming off as more of a meme (Fake news CNN is VERY BAD!), middle- to upper-aged politicos can’t seem to find their way around an Instagram account.

But for one New York U.S. Representative, Reddit AMAs and Instagram Live stories are a smart weapon for standing out. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, or AOC, took political center stage after winning the Democratic nomination for the 14th District Representative of New York in 2018, defeating 10-term incumbent Joe Crowley by nearly 15 percentage points. Though her fame didn’t achieve worldwide standing until after her upset (she gained more than 2.6 million followers in the 8 months following her win), a campaign video posted on YouTube gained half a million views and since then, she has secured her place in the social media limelight with direct, simple tweets that communicate her authenticity to not just her constituents, but to about 10.5 million followers on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

As her least-followed channel, Ocasio-Cortez still has more than 1 million followers and averages almost 10,000 reactions per post on Facebook. As someone who isn’t currently in the running for office, this is a pretty impressive number, seeing as my own District Representative (who’s been in Congress for the past 10 years) has a paltry 9,000 followers and I had to look up who it was. There, a range of videos featuring her Congressional involvement (usually edited by the NowThis company), links to news articles with relevant commentary, and criticisms of current policies. All of her posts either have a photo or video, a rule of thumb for getting attention on Facebook. Her mix of content, all political and no personal for Facebook, has garnered a high engagement rate. With the younger demographic shifting more to Instagram, her Facebook content does well to keep things all-business but still maintain her trademark sincerity.

Twitter, where her most-followed channel with 5.6 million follows, is from which her most famous content has sprung. AOC runs her own Twitter account, which is clear from her consistent use of no-nonsense, no jargon language, natural use of emojis, and fact-checking responses that made her iconic. About 4 out of every 5 tweets is a reply or retweet, but all of them are interesting and relevant articles with equally succinct messaging that enforce her progressive beliefs. When something can’t be said in just a few words, she breaks her message apart into digestible chunks, a common method on Twitter. Hashtags and emojis are used, but sparingly, as any millennial would be wont to do. Responses to her tweets are usually in the majority GIFs of mic drops and explosions, with the expected internet troll sprinkled throughout. Her Twitter success is owed to her authentic take on Congressional life (and all its flaws), her to-the-point fact-checking when the GOP “calls her out” on getting a haircut, and testimonials from the people she represents. By and large, retweeting and getting retweeted are one of her biggest resources because it spreads her name to other parts of the Twittersphere where people interested in politics already are.

Her Instagram, which comes in at a little over 4 million followers, is where AOC gets the most personal. And perhaps this is her biggest strength. Most politicians use all social media platforms more or less the same – as a tool to replace political television advertising. Most of them simply post clips of their own rallies, articles written about them, or publicity shoots of them posing with a ladle at a food bank. But for Ocasio-Cortez, Instagram is where she lets her hair down, if only for a little bit. She doesn’t simply repost content from her other channels her, but actual moments from her real life, like working in her community garden, on the job at district staff meetings and town halls, and a shot of ramen noodles and other groceries in her shopping basket. These shots aren’t staged moments that endeavor to “connect” with the people, but rather touching commentary that is relatable because it is. She comes off smart and in-touch because she is. And occasionally, she even posts fan art. Her captions can range from a single sentence to 5 paragraphs long, but each is written with intention in each word, sparing hashtags for the rare, cheeky fun photo.

As far as a more formal analysis of AOC’s social media usage, the Evans’ Social Feedback Cycle can be applied to how she responds to criticism. Simply put, she doesn’t. While yes, her aim is to garner the support of citizens not just in her own district, but also people who support her ideas of more accessible education, higher wages, a Green New Deal, prison abolition, etc., so she must know how to appeal to them and how to deal with those who don’t view her in such a rosy light. Many members both famous and layman of the alt-right media have attacked her relentlessly, but she often doesn’t take the time to indulge them, saying “I don’t owe a response to unsolicited requests from men with bad intentions.” Her responses, or usually lack thereof, helps her followers solidify and opinion about her professionalism. As far as direct communication and feedback from her followers, AOC has hosted a Q&A on Instagram, a Reddit AMA, and asked on Twitter what kinds of questions people would ask Mark Zuckerberg in a Congressional hearing. She even opened her direct messages for the Twitter question, letting users talk with her as if they were just messaging one of their friends. Though these specific events don’t happen often, it wouldn’t be surprising if AOC started using these tools as a way to hear from the people what they want.

Because analyzing a politician is different than analyzing a brand aiming to sell something, applying the engagement process model and pinning AOC at “Consumption” is an accurate, but not entirely holistic assessment. While almost no politician goes beyond “Consumption” (unless you count inviting people to tag #FeeltheBern on selfies), it’s the kind of Consumption that matters. All of the content she is creating is incredibly engaging (compared to others in her field) and it’s a response to issues that people she has met have told her about. In this sense, she collaborates directly a lot more than other social-media-wielding politicians, making it more of a conversation than a lecture.

#AOC #alexandria ocasio-cortez

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nexttrickanvils · 5 years

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Day 5 of @shuharuweek: AU/Song & Dance

Yup it’s time for more roleswap AU. So enjoy Haru starting up the Empress Confidant. ;)

Title: Foolish Empress: Empress Confidant Rank 1

Characters: Fool!Haru, Empress!Akira, Morgana, others are there briefly

---------

It was official… the Phantom Thieves were low on money.

Then again Haru shouldn’t be too surprised. After all between buying new weapons for everyone and buying a cell phone for Yusuke so he could actually communicate with the rest of the team it was no wonder that their funds were low.

Haru pulls up the group chat to let everyone know what was going on.

HARU: Some bad news. I just looked at our funds and we’re running low. We may have to make do with our current equipment and supplies.

ANN: Can’t we just hold up some Shadows in Mementos?

RYUJI: Yeah but we just finished up Madarame’s palace. I wanna take a break before we get back to work.

HARU: I agree with Ryuji-kun, I don’t want you all to overwork yourselves.

YUSUKE: I apologize. I know you three had to use that money for this phone and equipment for me.

ANN: Yusuke, don’t. You needed a phone and like hell was Madarame gonna give you one.

RYUJI: Yeah and we couldn’t let you face shadows without good stuff. Plus we all bought new junk so it ain’t all on you.

YUSUKE: I appreciate your words but that still leaves us with our current situation.

HARU: I guess the best option would be take a job. I saw some job postings at the subway, maybe I can take a look at those.

ANN: You sure Haru? You just said you didn’t want us to overwork ourselves.

HARU: I’ll be fine Ann-chan, thank you.

With that Haru closed the app and put her phone away. From his spot next to her on the bed, Morgana gives her a concerned look.

“I think Lady Ann has a point. You can’t lead Les Fantômes if you exhaust yourself.” said Morgana

Haru smiles in response and starts petting her (not) feline companion

“I appreciate that you’re all looking out for me but we can’t solely rely on the Metaverse for our money. I promise that I’ll be looking for something that’s simple and won’t take too much time.”

“...Well I should come with you and help, just in case.”

Haru briefly thinks of saying to Morgana that he’s always with her outside but instead she just thanks him.

---------

“How about this one? It’s that beef bowl place in Shibuya.” Morgana said as he looked at the flyer from over Haru’s shoulder

“I don’t know. I’ve been there with Ryuji once. It was so crowded and there weren’t a lot of people working that night.”

“Maybe it won’t be so bad if they hired more people.”

“I suppose, let’s consider it a “maybe.””

So far the job search turned out to be more difficult than Haru thought. There certainly wasn’t a lack of openings but for one reason or another they simply didn’t fit what Haru was looking for. One didn’t work because she was too young to apply, another was too strict with its scheduling, and so on.

“This one won’t do at all.”

But she refused to give up.

“Hm… not this one.”

There had to be something…

“No...”

...Just right…

“Oh! Mona-chan look at this one!”

Rafflesia Flower Shop Now Hiring!

Located in Underground Mall at Shibuya Station

Looking for charming employees to build and give our customers their dream bouquets.

Willing to provide flexible hours

Starting salary is 3200 yen.

Haru smiles as she pulls out her phone and calls the number on the flyer.

---------

“Thank you for taking this position, Kurusu-chan. I can tell that you’ll be a very good fit for Rafflesia.”

Haru gave her thanks to Hanasaki-san as she tied the apron around her waist.

“Now Kurusu-chan since this is your first day, I’m going to ask you to shadow me and Amamiya-kun. We’ll do the work and you observe us and try to learn the ropes.”

“Amamiya-kun?”

“Another employee, he’ll be here soon. Just keep your eye out for a young man about your age with dark hair and glasses. Now let’s get to work shall we?”

Haru did as she was told for the shift, learning as much as she can about the job from Hanasaki-san, and all the while keeping her eyes out for someone matching her co-worker’s description.

She was in the middle of watching her boss put together a bouquet of scarlet roses, care-nation, and justice jasmines when Amamiya-san arrived.

He was just as Hansaki-san described though Haru couldn’t help but giggle a little over how his headband was just barely containing his mess of hair. Thankfully he didn’t seem to hear (or mind) Haru’s laughing and instead went straight to their boss.

“I apologize for taking so long Hanasaki-san.”

“It’s no problem. Kurusu-chan, this is Ren Amamiya. Amamiya-kun, this is our new hire, Haru Kurusu. She’ll be shadowing you for the rest of the shift. So give her a good example to follow, alright?”

“Heh, heh, don��t worry I will.”

Amamiya then turned to Haru and smiled. For a brief moment she felt her breath caught in her throat.

“It’s nice to meet you Kurusu-chan. It’s good for have an extra set of hands here.”

“Oh! I-I I’m glad to be here.”

For the rest of the shift, Haru watched and followed Amamiya-kun. His passion for the job was something to be admired. He happily explained the different meanings of each flower, connecting those meanings to the type of bouquets people wanted, and really laid on the charm for the customers.

Honestly Haru found herself blushing more than once.

She was so focused on him, that she almost didn’t notice when Hanasaki-san approached her with an envelope of money.

“Here’s your pay for today. It’s just standard wages. Good work, Kurusu-chan. Come back again when you have the time.”

“Thank you, I will.”

She waved good-bye to her co-workers and made her way to the train back to Yongen-Jaya

---------

As soon as the bell rung, Haru made her way upstairs to meet with Ann and Ryuji to discuss going into Mementos today.

Just as she reached the second-year’s floor, Haru found herself nearly crashing into another student.

“Oh, my apologies...!”

“It’s fine Kurusu-chan I wasn’t looking where I was going and...”

Wait “Kurusu-chan?”

Haru looked up to face the student and found herself at a loss for words.

The boy in front of her wore a black sweater over his school turtleneck but what caught her attention was his messy dark hair and grey eyes. If he pulled his bangs back and wore a pair of glasses he’d look just like...

“...Amamiya-kun?”

“I-I’m sorry! Y-you must have me mistaken for-for s-some... ” and with that the boy rushed downstairs.

---------

The next day, Amamiya-kun didn’t arrive at work. Hanasaki-san had said that he called in sick but after what happened yesterday, Haru couldn’t help but worry. Why did he run away when she recognized him? Not to mention how different he was from the charming confident young man at the flower shop. Was he hiding something?

Whatever was wrong, she wanted to help him. She wasn’t going to let someone struggle in silence.

For the next few days at school, Haru kept her eyes open for Amamiya. She tried to ask around about him but anyone who was actually willing to talk to her only seemed to vaguely know who she was talking about.

She finally found him one day, exiting the library with a small stack of books.

“There you are!”

The dark-haired boy froze and looked at Haru with a nervous expression.

“Please don’t run away. I just wanted to talk, I’ve been worried about you.”

“Wait… Worried? About me?”

“You haven’t been to work since we bumped into each other the other day. Is there something the matter Amamiya-kun? Please whatever it is, I want to help...”

With some hesitance, Amamiya walked toward Haru.

“I’ll explain, just follow me.”

The two make their way outside the building and eventually sat down in one of the alcoves by the vending machines.

Amamiya looks around to see if anyone was near, takes a deep breath, and faces Haru.

“The truth is… my name isn’t Ren Amamiya. It’s Akira. The glasses and the headband are part of the… mask I wear for lack of a better word.”

“Why use a fake name? Why disguise yourself… are you in trouble Ama… I mean Akira-kun?”

Akira sighs, “No but I would be. Certain people in my life… wouldn’t approve of my choice of hobby. They want me to be more of a proper gentleman and well “proper gentlemen ” don’t plant and tend flowers. So I came up with the disguise so I could just get away from my regular life and do something I love. When you recognized me here, I was afraid that word would spread and everyone would find out.”

Haru sadly stares at him. She can’t imagine what it must be like to hide your passion in such a way. Without even thinking, Haru places her hand on top of Akira’s.

“Kurusu-chan?”

“Please, just call me Haru. And I promise Akira-kun, your secret is safe with me. You obviously care about working at the shop and it makes you happy. I never want to take that away from you. And if you ever need someone to confide in, I’ll be there.”

A tinge of pink covers Akira’s cheeks before he smiles.

“I… thank you Haru-chan.”

Haru squeezes Akira’s hand as she can feel a new power within her and time seeming to stop.

---------

She felt dizzy, her mouth was dry, and everything hurt.

Haru faced Niijima-san who seemed to pondering something.

“One of your later jobs involved probing into a certain conglomerate. There’s a possibility you even infiltrated their company building. Perhaps you had some sort of connection… Tell me about this person.”

Just as before with Niijima-san’s previous questions about her confidants, Haru stayed silent.

---------

I am thou, thou art I…

Thou hast acquired a new vow.

It shall become the wings of rebellion

That breaketh thy chains of captivity.

With the birth of the Empress Persona,

I have obtained the winds of blessing that

Shall lead to freedom and new power…

Akira cleared his throat and Haru immediately pulled her hand away.

“I’m sorry, I just kind of...”

“N-no it’s fine. I just… I know I already said it but thank you. I’ll be back at Rafflesia in a couple days. Then… then maybe I’ll take you up on your offer. I should head home now, my father’s… well I don’t want to worry him. I’ll see you later, Haru-chan.”

“See you later, Akira-kun.”

She waved goodbye as Akira walked away. However she soon heard a familiar laugh from her bag. Haru quickly opened it up and found Morgana grinning like… well like the cat that caught the canary.

“Mona-chan, I thought you were napping! How much of that did you hear?”

“Enough. Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone about your boyfriend.”

With that Haru zipped her bag back up, stood up, and made her way to the station. All the while ignoring Morgana’s protests.

#Persona 5 #Shuharuweek #Day 5 #Haru Okumura #Akira Kurusu #Anvil Doodles #Anvil Writings #OTP: Partners in Crime #Roleswap AU

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batterymonster2021 · 5 years

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51% Attack, Free Speech Under Attack? | Hodler's Digest

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/51-attack-free-speech-under-attack-hodlers-digest/

51% Attack, Free Speech Under Attack? | Hodler's Digest

My fellow american citizens, tonight i’m speaking to you considering the fact that there is a growing humanitarian and security concern in our southern border. The U.S. Executive will have been shut down for a long time but Cointelegraph didn’t take any breaks, we’re the hardest working staff within the crypto trade. This week, the Winklevii confirmed in an AMA their dedication to a Bitcoin ETF; japanese regulators, then again, denied rumors they had been on account that approving Bitcoin ETFs. Additionally this week, a 51% assault hits Ethereum traditional, right wingers love free speech and Bitcoin, 70% of imperative banks are interested in CBDCs, and Fortnite hasnt fairly embraced the crypto future. Women and gentlemen, Im Molly Jane and this is your weekly Hodlers Digest. After attaining the $4,000 benchmark final Sunday, Bitcoin might not hold it for long. Lets have a appear on the contemporary market updates.On the fifth of January, major crypto alternate Coinbase detected an assault being carried out against Ethereum basic, a cryptocurrency generated through an Ethereum fork, leading to of loss of reportedly over $1 million valued at crypto. Consistent with Coinbase, a malicious agent took manipulate of over 50% of the blocks making up the Ethereum Classics network, main to a so-called chain reorganization, in which nearly half 1,000,000 greenbacks valued at tokens were spent twice. The assault was once later tested by means of researchers at crypto exchange Gate.Io and chinese safety firm Slowmist. With a view to safeguard its shoppers, Coinbase, Kraken and other crypto exchanges have quickly suspended Ethereum basic deposits and withdrawals. A fifty one% assaults refers to a distinct entity taking manipulate of more than the 50 percentage of the blockchain community, which is able to lead to the falsification of transactions and permit double spending. Even though they occur rather rarely, fifty one% attacks are visible by means of many as a major hazard undermining the success of blockchain science.In the wake of the and so on attack, creator of Litecoin Charlie Lee underlined blockchains intrinsic vulnerability to fifty one% assaults. He stated: with the aid of definition, a decentralized cryptocurrency have got to be prone to 51% assaults whether by hashrate, stake, and/or other permissionless-acquirable assets. If a crypto can’t be fifty one% attacked, it is permissioned and centralized. Different authorities cited that whilst 51% attacks are certainly a chance for somewhat small altcoins such as and so forth, they are unlikely to have an impact on higher players comparable to Bitcoin and Ethereum, as that would require a ways larger quantities of hashrate. We talked to Nir Kabessa, president of the group Blockchain at Columbia at Columbia university, and asked him to give us his point of view on the drawback.I feel it turns into enormously problematic to do something like that to a sequence the scale of Bitcoin and Ethereum. But when there may be some thing that this assault has showed us is that it is feasible that it could happen to a prime blockchain. A good-revered blockchain with gigantic amount of miner neighborhood and developer neighborhood. So yeah, I consider above all Ethereum traditional was prone to whatever like this given that of the maximalism and fundamentalism of Ethereum traditional. The fact that they’re giant proponents of immutability, I think makes them form of a reputational target for a 51 percentage attack to type of prove that they’re now not a hundred percent immutable and that matters may also be converted or reorganized. I think there is obviously room for Ethereum classic sooner or later of blockchain. However severe alterations will must be made and new factors to use Ethereum traditional over different chains will need to come out. There will must be new aggressive advantages in one way or another to Ethereum traditional due to the fact one of their strong fits was protection and immutability and that is an argument that they just cannot make to the same full extent anymore.After the attack, the status of Ethereum traditional looks critically compromised. We also talked to Ethereum classic developers Donald McIntyre and Zach Belford and asked them to remark on the accident. Its a fallacy to say that on the grounds that and so forth has been attacked that suggests a proof of labor is just not comfortable. That is ridiculous. In phrases of what we spoke about, what to do. The first thing was to do the postmortem and we did that assembly today and we’re gonna do a couple of extra conferences to continue analyzing the main issue. One concrete protection advice is to use from two thousand five hundred to 5 thousand confirmations for medium or significant transactions, gain knowledge of that probability to put in force a deep reorg safeguard in and so on which I suppose is not likely given that additionally it is something that is untested but it surely’s something that is underneath evaluation. Then, to set a limit on the highest measurement of the dag is another thing. We will be able to not follow any changes unexpectedly without proper research. So there have been double spends and there have been victims of this attacker that’s some thing that we’re not going to revert on change.Of direction we can aid with knowledge to regulation enforcement or if there is any investigation. But the trade is in no way going to be reverted. In the early days of Bitcoin, it was once getting fifty one% attacked at all times. All proof-of-work cryptocurrencies can be fifty one% attacked. Ethereum traditional is obviously no longer the most cost effective one to 51% assault however the reality of the subject is that our hash premiums is 4% of Ethereum and it’s been that for a very long time. The point there is that we isn’t watching at making protocol changes in times of main issue. That is anything that is a part of proof-of-work. I believe that probably the most matters that’s going to reaffirm trust within the group is that there had been a variety of blockchains that have been fifty one% attacked within the last yr or two and a variety of them have answered with protocol degree changes which to me shows numerous immaturity and a lot of simply now not knowing or not understanding what proof-of-work is and how where this genuinely stems from and why.Technically according to the protocol it is now not an assault. It can be part of the protocol. Up to date reviews claiming that the standard online game Fortnite is accepting Monero for on-line repayments grew to become out to be unfounded. The crypto group used to be full of pleasure when Monero CEO Riccardo Spagni announced on Twitter that Fortnite will take delivery of Monero as a fee system for its merch retailer. However, a couple of days later, CEO of Epic games Tim Sweeney refuted the rumors in a tweet, defining the adoption of Monero purely as unintentional. With its over one hundred twenty five million registered avid gamers, Fortnite would have performed a predominant function in pioneering the integration of crypto within the gaming enterprise. In the final few years, other makes an attempt to combine the sector of video video games with blockchain technological know-how became out triumphant. One of the crucial earliest illustration of crypto-video games is Dragons story, a 3D on-line game released in 2013 wherein players can stake Bitcoin at the same time competing in a style of mini challenges.Marking a deeper integration of blockchain into gaming, the card trading recreation Spells of Genesis was once released in September 2016. This was the primary game to use the Bitcoin blockchain to retailer the collectible cards at the core of the game. However neither of the earlier recounted games can healthy the fame of Crypto Kitties, the first Ethereum-centered video game. The Ethereum blockchain is on the core of Crypto Kitties, because it serves to guarantee the uniqueness of each and every digital cat owned by using the players. Nonetheless, while blockchain remains to be to obtain traction as a specific sport-play modifier, on the sport builders side there is some exciting news. After raising $forty million in dollars last September, Cocos Blockchain expedition, a sport development platform developed on blockchain, launched its testnet last week. Cocos Blockchain expedition or Cocos – BCX is built with the Cocos engine, the highest game engine in Asia and number 2 in the world by way of market share, objectives to create an open procedure the place developers can create and test video games constructed on unique blockchains.To extra enhance the combination of video video games and crypto, main companies in both sectors got here together final September to kind the Blockchain recreation Alliance. The workforce includes massive names reminiscent of Consensys, Everdreamsoft and the French gaming big Ubisoft. One factor that blockchain is fairly just right at is presents value to persons. The transparency, the immutability, so all those points furnish a ability to create new facets and those facets are excellent for gamers. For example, if i am a participant and say I watch an commercial, like I do with the cell phone for some video games, I acquire credits however on a platform that you could virtually receive some tokens and people tokens you need to use them to buy games can use them to buy a event and tendencies. For illustration, If I come to a decision as a participant to take part in a beta scan, i will be able to take part and i receives a commission for it by means of the developer in tokens once more. So all those mechanism provide me as a participant the capacity to earn forex or cash and i will use that money to without a doubt purchase anything i would like. We’re working to allow humans to make tokens, to create their art.Now it’s visual artwork however as time goes, it may be extra things like stages or sounds or special elements. And the game creator us right here can be more like a moderator, like an orchestra, anyone who will control the orchestra. We are shaping our product to allow humans to contribute, to have a marketplace so persons can enrich the game in a technique that we even havent feel of. And we’re environment the stones to allow users to do that. Late last yr, Google CEO Sundar Pichai had to explain to not-so-tech-savvy Republican senators why the Google search term fool brought up pix of Donald Trump.Even as many were amused with the aid of the exchange, the actual query involving these senators was whether Google, and extra largely big-tech, have a correct-wing bias. Two figures who agree with this sentiment are the host of Koch brothers-funded speak exhibit The Rubin document, Dave Rubin and Andrew Torba, CEO of Gab, a so-referred to as free-speech social network. Just lately Dave Rubin announced, alongside yet another proper-winger Dr.Jordan Peterson, that they have been leaving funding platform Patreon. That is no small gesture, Petersons account makes over $30K a month and Rubins about $22K. The cause for such an abrupt departure? Protest in opposition to alleged censorship on the part of Patreon.The victim of this assault on free speech in their minds is Sargon of Akkad, a some distance-correct YouTuber who used to be kicked off Patreon for utilizing the n-word on a separate platform. Patreon defended the transfer, citing its community instructional materials prohibiting hate speech. Rubin clearly disagrees and plans to delete his Patreon on January 15. He announced an substitute censorship-resistant funding option: Bitcoin via Squares cash App. One of the crucial first Bitcoin purchasers used to be, unsurprisingly, Gab claiming to have transferred 0.0025 Bitcoin to Rubins his Bitcoin deal with. Gab CEO Andrew Torba has been voicing similar issues when it comes to the stifling of free speech. Gab, which purports to be an uncensored area without spending a dime speech on-line, but critics call a far-correct echo chamber, had their Coinbase account closed for allegedly promoting hate speech. Also, final year, for instance, the new York times stated Gab as the social network the place the Pittsburgh shooter posted his final message before shooting up the Synagogue. Torba acknowledged that the shooter did not signify the broader consumer base of his platform. Nonetheless, Gabs account was once shut down.Whether or not or no longer you supply any credence to Rubin or Torbas views, it’s clear that the decentralized utopia the internet once was is now dominated with the aid of very centralized platforms that have complete control over numerous our content and communications. One answer could paradoxically be to break up colossal-tech firms, control them by means of subjecting them to anti-believe legal guidelines. That means at least they would be defended by way of the first modification; 2d only to the second modification in the hearts of many conservatives. Final yr, after closely criticizing crypto, the IMF head got here out in want of CBDCs. Now it seems they are developing in popularity across the globe. 70% of the worlds crucial banks are presently watching into launching digital currencies in any other case known as CBDCs. That is according to a recently released a survey through the financial institution of international settlements, BIS, in Switzerland, which comprises 60 primary banks around the globe.CBDCs are of course controversial in the crypto neighborhood due to the fact they’d have legal soft popularity, be heavily regulated and, of path, centralized. Of the 63 crucial banks surveyed, 22 are in evolved economies and 41 in emerging ones–that bills for 90% of the worlds financial output. The survey determined that 70% were actively engaged in establishing a CBDC, or at the least at the study section. So far, best 5 banks have sincerely run pilot or experiment runs. Ahead of the % are Uruguay and Sweden; the latters Riksbank plans to launch the E-Krona pilot project this year and start issuance as early as 2021. Uruguay, on the other hand, is leading the %, their pilot venture of the E-Peso successfully led to April of last yr. CBDCs do carry some very interesting questions involving censorship, surveillance and even the loss of life of Stablecoins. Outstanding Swedish Youtuber Ivan on Tech last yeah voiced concerns that Swedes may be at risk someday of going to the flawed protests and dealing with monetary consequences.KMPG for his or her section released a record questioning the necessity for something like Tether if there ever used to be is a Fedcoin We spoke to Thomas Moser of the Swiss country wide bank concerning the emergence of CBDCs and what that would imply for a crypto-pleasant nation like Switzerland. We are obviously in phrases in phrases of study we’re looking into it however this is fairly theoretical study and in addition conceptual research. However we now have no longer had the intention to try out the pilot or to position that into a proof of idea. So it’s quite theoretical research but we came to the conclusion like other critical banks that we don’t consider that at this stage as a minimum that the benefits are larger than the negatives or disadvantages or the risks at least that we could see. If you happen to would provide a CBDC that will sincerely fulfill the function of a stablecoin except once more you’ve got all these ideological issues that you do not want to trust the primary financial institution or when you have just right cause that you don’t want to rely on the imperative financial institution forex in case you once more when you’ve got a primary financial institution that that is not that supplies a currency with hyperinflation i assume then that may certainly no longer be a excellent alternative for a stablecoin.But in that case the stablecoin would traditionally not repair its price closer to the country wide forex however toward the U.S. Greenback or the euro. Previous this week, the French anti-institution motion often called the Yellow Jackets referred to as for the French public to participate in a giant bank run as a mean of protesting towards the monetary elite. Dubbed The Collectors Referendum, the initiative geared toward bringing people to withdraw their savings from banks and other financial associations this Saturday. This, in step with the activists, used to be going to be elected officials worst nightmare and its goal was once to scare the State totally legally and without any violence. The announced occasion resounded broadly within the crypto neighborhood, as it aligned with crypto in criticizing the failings of the common fiscal approach.Many noticed a clear parallel between the Yellow Vests financial institution run and the Proof of Keys event, a protest against centralized crypto exchanges announced by using entrepreneur hint Mayer prior this month. Mayer referred to as upon merchants to withdraw their money from exchanges as a reminder of Satoshis common imaginative and prescient of decentralization and fiscal independence. At the same time the French activists made no reference to crypto, by using highlighting peoples distrust in the direction of normal economic actors, the Yellow Vests protests would have a constructive knock-on outcomes for the crypto industry. To underline the connection between crypto and the Yellow Vest action, street artist Pascal Boyart hid a Bitcoin puzzle in his brand new graffiti committed to the protest. In step with the artist, fixing the riddle will unlock a prize valued at $1000 in Bitcoin. Boyart mentioned the enigma can also be solved best by bodily standing in front of the graffiti.What are you ready for, hodlers? Time to jump to the subsequent flight bound for Paris! Charlie Lee has accused Bitcoin maximalists of being Bitcoin extremists, do you settle, and where would you set your self on his survey? Are you a Bitcoin Extremist, Bitcoin Maximalist, Altcoin Maximalist or Nocoiner? Comment beneath! This episode is backed via alternate Santa. Alternate Santa is a cloud-based buying and selling bot. Set it up in less than 2 minutes, exchange a couple of pairs, pick between long and quick approaches, use tech analysis warning signs, and see your results in real-time.Exchange Santa works 24/7 to get you the revenue you set. The platform is already built-in with Binance, Bittrex, Bitfinex and HitBTC. The link is within the description beneath! And as continually, remember to like, subscribe and hodl! .

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rwbyconversations · 6 years

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Why I think some people don’t like Jaune

Jaune Arc. Jauney boy. You make very hard to like you sometimes.

Jaune Arc is almost certainly the most discussed character in RWBY, even more so than the titular four girls. This is not a very good thing. Since the early days of Volume 1, Jaune has been derided and mocked by portions of the community, often dismissed as a poorly planned out audience surrogate, a writer-insert and/or Miles shoving in a cliche shonen protagonist into Monty’s tapestry of art. That last one is hyperbole, for the record. But regardless, Jaune is far from unanimously loved by the fandom- just go see how many RWDE posts are about him. I tried reading some of them and after I finished washing my eyes out with bleach, I found myself mildly disagreeing with their contents.

(sidenote if anyone ever convinces Dudeblade to learn how to use italics, bold or underline to emphasize something instead of random capitalization like Baby’s First Word Doc I will actually pay you in pesos)

But while the reasons people give for hating Jaune are many, some of them have little basis in reality. Others, meanwhile, are quite painfully true and have incredibly valid criticisms that can be applied to RWBY as a whole at the core of their message. So today, I’d like to explain why I think some people hate Jaune, why some of the reasons don’t hold much weight, and why a few are quite valid.

Reason 1) “Jaune’s a Self/Author Insert!”

Perhaps the most common and damning criticism of Jaune, especially in the earlier volumes, were claims that Jaune was just an insert character for Miles to fawn over. Miles and Kerry have themselves said that Miles has had very little to do with writing Jaune in the show proper since Volume 1, and that most of Jaune’s larger scenes were done at the behest of Kerry or Monty. Quote:

In the first few Volumes, if Jaune was in a scene it was almost always because either Monty or myself wanted him in a scene. From the very beginning, Monty was very big on having that archetype of character be fairly prominent in the show. Miles has always been incredibly hesitant to insert Jaune into scenes, to the point where he's voiced before that he wishes sometimes that he didn't voice him.

That said, this only came out in early 2018 after Volume 5 had already wrapped. In the years before then, many a fan was utterly convinced that Miles was behind most of Jaune’s more limelight-hogging scenes in Volume 1 particularly. This wasn’t helped by some quotes of Miles that got taken out of context, primarily that he based Jaune off himself as a younger teenager (the quote is in fact referring to Jaune’s voice).

Fandom also plays a purpose in Jaune gaining the inglorious title of self-insert. Jaune’s lack of a semblance, conventional attractiveness, age that put him close to the girls and vague backstory meant it was very easy for fanfiction writers to appropriate Jaune into whatever they needed, which at best included harem comedies and at worst...

Well, hell on earth. Fandom has had a large impact on RWBY, and I believe the “self-insert” accusations regarding Jaune are perhaps the most clear example of this. Some people do still believe to this day that Jaune is an SI, but I am willing to give the benefit of the doubt to the writing team and assume that no, any intent was not maliciously planted and it was an accident.

Reason 2) Jaune’s an audience surrogate

This one actually has basis in reality since the crew have actually said Jaune’s purpose in the early volumes was to be the audience surrogate (see above, second bolded part). To explain the term the audience surrogate is a character, usually found in fantasy or science fiction stories, who is new to the setting and its more complex rules. Thus, when someone tells this character how the system works, it doesn’t feel weird for the audience to have this information. We learn with the character, drawing us further into the setting. On the surface, an audience surrogate is not a bad storytelling device, but what it comes down to is execution, and here is where I feel that RWBY falls flat on its face in handling Jaune.

Jaune’s primary purpose in the first half of Volume 1 is largely to serve as the vehicle through which we discover Aura. Aura, the resource incredibly common in-setting and able to be tracked to an exact percentile in tournaments. In fact, Aura is so easily tracked, Remnant’s smartphones can track other people’s Auras no sweat. Most audience surrogates usually only need lore explained to them when it’s a rare facet of life, hence why it’s often seen in fantasies with magic to get the reader caught up on the rules.

For example, in the Mistborn series, while Vin is aware of burning metal, she unlocks her Mistborn powers at the beginning of the trilogy and then has to learn about the other metals she didn’t know she possessed, and gets further training on the one metal (brass) she could burn that she thought was just her luck. As well, Vin infiltrates high society, so alongside learning about the different metals, we also use Vin’s inexperience to learn how high society works under the Lord Ruler.

For Jaune to have no clue about Aura, despite the commonality of it in-setting, is almost unthinkable and essentially requires his parents to have locked him in a basement for his entire life. While surrogates aren’t meant to know everything about a setting, it is expected that they at least know the basics- again, see Vin from Mistborn as an example of this. Therefore, I will not deny that Jaune is an audience surrogate. However, I do believe that Jaune is a bad audience surrogate who breaks the internal rules of a character alongside the logical rules of the setting.

Reason 3) Jaune’s a cliche shonen lead

Let me rattle off a quick idea for a story, like I’m giving an elevator pitch.

Our story is about a young boy (usually with spiky hair) who goes to join a magical academy so he can slay monsters. He’s not proficient in the art of combat but he has a big heart and genuinely tries most of the time, so through outside circumstances he manages to enroll in the school. Immediately, he gets pegged by the headmaster for special reasons and develops a crush with an cold-hearted young woman who rebukes his advances. All the while, he develops a close friendship with a shy girl who is holding a candle for him but he doesn’t see her desires until it’s too late. In the meantime, he continues to train to prove himself a great hero.

Now, who did I describe. Jaune Arc? Or half of the shonen genre? There’s a reason for the popularity in the stock shonen hero cliche- it’s pretty easy to get right on the first try, makes for a mostly likable hero who the audience can get behind and root for as they aspire to become a Pokemon master collect the Dragonballs win the Battle City Finals become the greatest hero who ever lived. Jaune hits a lot of the cliches of the Stock Shonen Hero in early RWBY, and this set off alarm bells in the minds of many of RWBY’s more anime-conscious fans. The moment Jaune fell for Weiss and she shot him down, the early fanbase were on-edge about Jaune. RWBY had been advertised as four girls fighting monsters and kicking ass with great choreography. And here comes this blonde wannabe in a hoody trying to insert a love triangle into all of that? Yeah, no thanks. Again, this was likely something Monty intentionally pushed through since the AMA says Monty was big on Jaune’s archetype being in the show.

Though Jaune, in my opinion at least, did step away from these trappings later in RWBY, becoming more sullen and less focused on traditional shonen ideals, the early days played no small role in defining why people loathed Jaune in early RWBY. And once the label of “shonen lead” was plastered onto Jaune, it would prove nearly impossible to remove.

In all honesty, this is one of the smaller reasons for people’s dislike of Jaune, but notable in that it set the groundwork- people already dismissed him as a cheap shonen lead, and that principle latched onto Jaune like gum onto a shoe.

Reason 4) Jaune’s stealing scenes and where it hurts characters

Though Jaune has had a significantly reduced presence in RWBY since Volume 1, it seems that his primary scenes in Volumes 4 and 5 had a very unintended consequence of taking away from other characters. One of the often-cited scenes of this is Volume 4 Chapter 10, Kuroyuri.

The scene is set for Ruby to finally confront the trauma bubbling beneath the surface that had been eating at her since Volume 3- Penny and Pyrrha’s joint deaths and the Fall of Beacon, her Silver Eyes and how no one was willing to talk to her about them. And yet who does most of the speaking in this scene? Jaune. Jaune indirectly hijacks the scene away from Ruby so that instead it can become a scene of, quite frankly, platitudes that ring hollow. Despite supposedly being a scene where Ruby is being built up, despite supposedly being about Ruby, and how inspiring she is, the active character in the scene, the one with agency and prevalent on-screen characterization... Is Jaune.

Volume 5 Chapter 11 is the other standout example of this, in what is now an infamous string of events. Jaune basically hijacks not one, not two, but three active character arcs- he again strips Ruby of her agency by going after Cinder, who also has her sub-plot of hating Ruby curtly kicked out a window because of Jaune hogging her attention, and then Weiss takes a frankly insulting dive so that Cinder has someone to spear so we have a cheap cliffhanger so dramatic tension can die onscreen so Jaune can have an excuse to pop his Semblance’s virginity. And let me stress, Ruby has about as much agency as some belly-button fluff for the rest of the Battle of Haven and by extension the entire Volume.

This is a reasoning for disliking Jaune that I fully understand and can get behind. Through a mix of tragic circumstance (the Volume 5 scene is effectively the one time Jaune takes relevance in the entire volume) and some mind-boggling creative choices, Jaune now twice in a row stripped Ruby of agency she has desperately needed, interrupted a two-year in the making subplot with Cinder, and indirectly killed RWBY’s dramatic stakes. Did you really think they’d kill Weiss in Volume 5? Exactly, no one really thought they’d go through on it, Weiss and the rest of RWBY are basically safe until the last two or three volumes. Regardless of whether or not Jaune is meant to be seen as a main character or a side, his focus scenes have the tragic mishap of constantly coming at the expense of someone else being undermined.

Reason 5) He’s... not actually that good a strategist.

Jaune is a crap fighter, he’ll readily admit to being much weaker in direct combat than anyone else in the heroes side. So instead, he adopted the sub-trope of shonen leads, the strategist/quick thinker. Be it Izuku in My Hero Academia or many of the protagonists in JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, shonen has a long history of heroes who fight as much with their minds as they do with their fists.

Here’s the problem with that. Jaune’s really bad at being a strategist. In fact, despite not even doing it since Volume 3, Ruby has displayed far more tactical acumen than Jaune.

JNPR vs BRNZ isn’t won through tactical skill beyond just throwing Nora at the problem after Divine Cindervention (compare this with how effortless RWBY make taking down ABRN look). Jaune even rips off Ruby’s idea of code-names but his attempt fails due to insufficient practice. Meanwhile Ruby says “Checkmate” in Volume 5 and despite not having trained together for months, Blake and Weiss immediately jump into action.

Jaune explicitly quotes one of RNJR having said "you're the strategist", and is the character that gets to come up with a plan for taking down the Petra Gigas. And even though the way his plan is phrased initially gets played as humorous, his dumb strategy ultimately gets vindicated by actually working.

“Keep moving, run in a circle” is pretty poor advice (in fact, Ren had already been trying this strategy when Jaune said it and the Nuck still landed a blow on him), but in-universe it’s treated like gospel. Nobody points out how weak Jaune’s strategies are because from a meta perspective, the only way Jaune is able to stay relevant in fights in Volume 4 is to shout inane “strategies.” The issue with this is that (yet again) it comes at the expense of other characters, including (again) Ruby, who in Volumes 1 through 3 was shown as far sharper when it came to using her team and their strengths. Everyone else on the hero side has to take an intellectual dive so Jaune can take home a glorified participation trophy.

Jaune using his greatsword for a stabbing attack when it’s built for slashing in the Haven battle. I brought this up in my “What went wrong at Haven?” post, but I thought it was worth repeating that this is a massive blunder.

Reason 6) General misc stuff

I couldn’t make full points of these, so I made bullet points for some of the smaller reasons Jaune is disliked

The Weiss obsession. There’s no real nice way of sugarcoating Jaune’s actions in Volume 2, no means no. That this came about from some glorified improv and the idea that it would be a funny idea makes my stomach churn.

The bully arc taking so much time. Thanks to how Volume 1 cut some episodes, Jaune’s arc with Cardin took four weeks in real life to complete. This only exaggerated the issues people took with Jaune, and had RWBY not immediately come back with the fight-scene Renaissance piece that was Blake and Sun vs Roman, I can’t imagine how many people would have dropped the show thanks to an after-school special that got wedged in their fighting anime.

Jaune looking away and letting Cinder shoot Amber. Ignoring that Cinder’s Semblance can let her shoot around targets, which she does in the Pyrrha fight, Jaune never stood a chance against Cinder, and no matter what, most friends would be distracted by their friend’s agonized screams and would likely turn around in despair.

Jaune hating Qrow in Volume 4. Thanks to Jaune being the one member of RNJR willing to call out Qrow for his and Ozpin’s parts in Pyrrha’s death, Jaune got some flack from Qrow’s notable fandom. Ironically enough, people began to dislike Jaune more when he refused to ever act on these feelings after Ozpin’s return in Volume 5, with Jaune only ever calling out Ozpin after Yang did it with the Birds Reveal (I’ve written a piece before about why that reveal fell flat). His out of nowhere tepidness in approaching Ozpin regarding Pyrrha’s death was so out-of-nowhere that people were begging for Jaune to have screentime again, that’s how random it was.

To conclude, there are many reasons why people hate Jaune Arc, and the story doesn’t really help his case a lot of the time in all honesty. While some of the stated reasons are far from logical (I at least hope I’ve explained why I think he’s not a self-insert), Jaune unfortunately fails to set himself as a distinct character without it usually biting someone else in the ass. He fails to be a proper audience surrogate due to lacking essential knowledge about the setting. He has an unfortunate tendency to overshadow other characters and hijack their plots for his own scenes (poor Ruby), and he fails to even be that competent a strategist, leaving his supposed skills to be more of an informed attribute. Add in a variety of smaller reasons for his hatedom, legitimate or not, that have stacked up over the years, and Jaune unfortunately has several valid reasons to dislike him. While I still personally like the Noodle Boy, and I do hope that he can develop and grow stronger as a fighter, tactician and character in the coming future, I cannot deny that I fully understand why people would be turned off by Jaune. So much could have been done with Jaune, but much like a bad salad that comes before a great main course, you’ve already lost your appetite before the main servings arrive.

To surmise, Jaune-hate began because of a perfect storm of circumstances that would be impossible to make happen on purpose. He could have recovered from the flirting with Weiss, the Audience Surrogate/Shonen lead status, or being the main character in several drawn-out arcs, but all at once? Was too much for any one character to bear, and Jaune was unfortunately the character who had all of this lumped on him within a year of the show beginning.

Thank you for reading.

... damnit kid why do you make it so hard to like you sometimes I don’t like doing this

#rwby #rwde #jaune arc #ctrq #ruby rose #miles luna #oscar pine #author insert #pyrrha nikos #cinder fall #rwby analysis

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bluewatsons · 5 years

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Marc Lewis, Addiction and the Brain: Development, Not Disease, 10 Neuroethics 7 (2017)

Abstract

I review the brain disease model of addiction promoted by medical, scientific, and clinical authorities in the US and elsewhere. I then show that the disease model is flawed because brain changes in addiction are similar to those generally observed when recurrent, highly motivated goal seeking results in the development of deep habits, Pavlovian learning, and prefrontal disengagement. This analysis relies on concepts of self-organization, neuroplasticity, personality development, and delay discounting. It also highlights neural and behavioral parallels between substance addictions, behavioral addictions, normative compulsive behaviors, and falling in love. I note that the short duration of addictive rewards leads to negative emotions that accelerate the learning cycle, but cortical reconfiguration in recovery should also inform our understanding of addiction. I end by showing that the ethos of the disease model makes it difficult to reconcile with a developmental-learning orientation.

The harm done by addicts to themselves and those around them has riveted public attention in recent years. It has become essential to discard outdated perceptions of addiction and replace them with coherent models based on scientific principles. Toward this end, doctors, psychiatrists, medical researchers and treatment providers have come to define addiction as a brain disease. Specifically, addiction is characterized by changes in brain systems that mediate the experience and anticipation of reward, systems responsible for perception and memory, and higher-order executive systems underlying cognitive control. The disease model stipulates that these changes are caused by exposure to drugs of abuse, and they are difficult if not impossible to reverse.

By looking at changes in the function and structure of the nervous system, the disease model helps explain why it is so difficult to achieve abstinence through the exercise of willpower. It makes sense of individual differences in vulnerability to addiction, based on dispositional factors and environmental stressors. The disease model provides a knowledge base and research agenda for developing pharmaceuticals that can be useful for reducing craving and easing withdrawal symptoms. And it has countered the perception that addicts are morally deficient or self-indulgent, arguably reducing the stress and isolation they and their families experience.

Given these achievements, it isn’t surprising that the disease model of addiction is accepted—in fact nearly unchallenged—by the medical community, the psychiatric community, research funding bodies, and governments themselves, as reflected by a mountain of articles and posts by the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the American Medical Association (AMA), and the American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM). Yet there are reasons to question the validity of the disease perspective. First, this perspective clashes with the experience of many former addicts, who do not feel they were ever sick or have now been cured. Second, the strongest endorsements of the disease model come from the rehab industry and Big Pharma, both of which profit from the belief that addicts need long-term medical treatment. Rather, most alcoholics and addicts recover [1], and most of those do so without treatment of any kind [2–4], a finding that is difficult to reconcile with the idea that addiction is a chronic disease. Finally, investigators who approach addiction as a disease are far more likely to get their work funded, thus minimizing the volume and impact of discrepant findings.

For these and other reasons, the disease model of addiction has been heatedly challenged, and alternative models have been proposed in its place. Addiction may be viewed as a choice rather than a pathology. While few people imagine that addiction is a good choice, it is sometimes considered rational in the short run—as when the pleasure or relief derived from drugs temporarily outweighs the alternatives [5, 6]. Addiction may be a natural response to environmental or economic conditions beyond the addict’s control, including poverty and social alienation [6, 7]. Addiction can be viewed as a form of self-medication that works against psychological suffering. Trauma—whether physical, psychological, or sexual—is often considered the root cause of long-term anxiety and depression; and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is highly correlated with substance use [8–10]. A framework that encompasses all these approaches views addiction as a product of cognitive and emotional development, predisposed by constitutional factors but consolidated through learning over childhood and adolescence [10].

These alternatives to the disease model of addiction may be compelling, but they lack one important ingredient. They have little or nothing to say about the brain. (There are notable exceptions [11–13], which, although valuable, provide only global neural arguments, without attention to key structures or processes. Maia Szalavitz [10] is the only author I’m aware of who backs a learning account of addiction with detailed neuroscientific explanation.) In this era of scientific acceleration, brain science has become a gold standard for conclusive explanations of human phenomena. Without detailed neurobiological analysis, alternatives to the disease model may lack the scientific traction they need. My book, The Biology of Desire [14], was intended to fill in the neural level of analysis in a developmental-learning model of addiction, integrate that level of explanation with experiential accounts of addiction and recovery, and demonstrate that the disease model has outlived both its credibility and its usefulness. In the following sections, I summarize these arguments and connect them to the larger debate on how to understand and combat addiction. I end by showing that the ethos of the disease model makes it difficult to reconcile with a developmental-learning orientation.

The Core Tenets of the Disease Model

According to NIDA, “Addiction is defined as a chronic, relapsing brain disease that is characterized by compulsive drug seeking and use, despite harmful consequences.” A key observation underlying this depiction is that dopamine transmission and reception are altered over time: increasingly, it is only the user’s substance of choice that reliably impacts on dopaminergic activity. Dopamine is a crucial neurotransmitter (or “neuromodulator”) for motivating, directing, and rewarding goal-directed behavior and focusing attention and memory. Because the action of dopamine enhances the formation of new synapses (and the corresponding loss of older ones), changes in dopamine metabolism bring about structural changes in synaptic networks—the basic wiring diagram of the brain. A critical locus of dopamine reception and synaptic restructuring is the striatum, the area responsible for pursuing rewards, but other targets include the amygdala, which mediates emotional salience, the hippocampus, which directs memory encoding and retrieval, and several regions of the prefrontal cortex, responsible for a variety of cognitive functions.

Indeed, starting in the 1980s and 1990s, researchers began to show synaptic changes in these regions in laboratory animals exposed to cocaine, amphetamine, morphine, alcohol, and other drugs, corresponding with behavioral sensitization in addicted animals and humans [15, 16]. For example, dopamine activation of the striatum was found to go up and down with drug availability—and not much else. The receptors that absorb and use dopamine were also found to change in structure or efficiency [17] increasingly over months and years of use. The message seemed clear: drug use messes up brain wiring. These brain changes were seen as direct evidence that an insidious force—namely drugs—had “hijacked the brain,” a phrase first uttered by Bill Moyers on a popular PBS television series, but quick to catch on in addiction debates everywhere.

Nora Volkow M.D., the firebrand scientist who currently heads NIDA, points to “tissue damage” in the brain as indisputable support for the disease model [18]. In her view, this damage is specifically caused by drug use, and it corresponds with reduced capacity to engage cognitive control, increased compulsivity in drug seeking, and emotional blunting in response to rewards more generally. The nucleus accumbens describes one of the most ventral (lower) regions of the striatum, and it is the brain part most often referred to when it comes to addiction. Berridge and Robinson [19] coined the phrase incentive sensitization to describe the increasing specificity with which dopamine flows from the ventral tegmental area (VTA) in the midbrain to the accumbens in response to drug cues. In fact, even secondary and tertiary drug-related cues were found to trigger dopamine release, which then increased activation in the accumbens and induced a more driven, even “frenzied” quality to drug-seeking behavior [20, 21].

The ventral striatum or accumbens is associated with impulsive drug seeking and use, but the dorsal striatum becomes increasingly important for addiction with the passage of time. As the period of addiction stretches over months and years, activation shifts from the ventral to the dorsal striatum in response to drug-associated cues, while drug-seeking behavior becomes more compulsive and less impulsive in character. Trevor Robbins and his colleagues at Cambridge have been studying the shift from impulsive to compulsive drug seeking for many years [22]. They see the compulsive phase as true addiction, as do many others in the field. Now, according to Volkow, Koob, and others, the addictive urge is truly out of control. Whether the addict actually desires the addictive reward, he or she is compelled to go after it, based on a stimulus-response (S-R) association acquired and strengthened through Pavlovian conditioning. The stimulus simply elicits a response, without the need for a reinforcing outcome.

According to Volkow and other scientists, not only the brain regions underlying goal-seeking but also those responsible for self-control are physically modified by drugs. An example can be seen in the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (dlPFC), which is critical for reasoning, remembering, planning, and self-control. The dlPFC becomes hyperactivated in the early stages of addiction, as it does in some eating disorders, perhaps when people try to control or maintain the rewardingness of this new experience. But over time, this region and other prefrontal control centers start to disengage (i.e., lose functional connectivity) from the striatum, the amygdala, and other areas comprising the motivational core of the brain [23, 24]. Volkow and colleagues have carried out two decades of research into cortical changes underlying addiction. They conclude that prefrontal regions responsible for judging options and selecting among them lose grey matter volume (reduced synaptic density) and become partially dysfunctional over the course of addiction [23, 25]. They dub the resulting cognitive dysfunction “impaired response inhibition.”

This cluster of changes in the function and structure of the brain has led many authorities to view addiction as a disease, and because these changes seem to endure long beyond the cessation of drug-taking, it is considered a chronic disease. According to Steven Hyman, previous director of the National Institute of Mental Health, addiction is a condition that changes the way the brain works, just like diabetes changes the way the pancreas works. Then why shouldn’t it be viewed as a disease?

Development and the Brain

One of the key premises of the disease model is that addiction changes the brain. Yet brains are supposed to change. They are designed to change. In fact the stages of child and adolescent development, and the learning that goes on throughout adulthood, are all underpinned by changes in the cortex and limbic regions. Given the realities of brain change in normal development and learning, neuroscientists who endorse the disease model must view the brain changes resulting from addiction as extreme or pathological. In fact, they would have to show that the kind (or extent or location) of brain change characteristic of addiction is nothing like what we see in normal learning and development. How then should we characterize brain changes that occur naturally?

First of all, brains grow and shape themselves, not by following prespecified guidelines, but by a process of self-organization. They organize themselves, changing their own structure as they go. Such changes build on themselves over time, such that the products (synaptic changes) of one learning episode set the conditions for subsequent learning episodes. Of course there are some species-specific constraints on the timing of neural development, and there are certainly constraints on the kinds of information human beings can access and manipulate. Moreover, social norms help guide neural development along pathways consistent with particular cultural environments. Yet neural development is in no way programmed. It results almost entirely from synaptic activation patterns that both result from and give rise to experience itself.

One way to conceptualize this kind of self-perpetuating growth is to see it as a feedback loop between experience and brain change. The way we experience things changes synaptic configurations, and those changes shape the way we experience things subsequently. In other words, experience-dependent changes in brain structure make a particular way of experiencing things more probable on future occasions [26]. This can take the form of a self-perpetuating perception (as in language learning), an expectancy, a budding interpretation (as in judgments of individuals or groups), a recurring wish, a familiar emotional reaction (as in anxiety regarding perceived threats), an emergent belief (as in religious ideas and corresponding isms), or a conscious memory. Thus the mind and the brain shape each other. And ordinary classroom learning is just one version of this more general phenomenon—a brain that changes itself (a phrase borrowed from Norman Doidge [27]).

The brain would be useless if it wasn’t highly changeable and highly sensitive to events in the world. But since we need stability in our percepts, concepts, and actions, brain changes almost always settle into habits. And once formed, habits—even minor habits—remain in place, sometimes for the rest of our lives. Examples range from idiosyncratic patterns like nail-biting and suspiciousness to cultural norms like politeness and sexual stereotyping. New synaptic pathways, and corresponding patterns of thought and behavior, start off tentative and fluctuating. But after they’ve been activated repeatedly, fledgling pathways get more entrenched, more concretized. As Donald Hebb made famous in the 1940s, cells that fire together wire together. Change and stabilization—novelty and habit formation—work together in the mind and in the brain. In a word, that’s “learning”.

Another helpful concept is neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity simply describes brain changeability and elevates it to a first principle. Indeed, there’s nothing more fundamental to the human brain than its plasticity [27]. Yet neuroscientists who study addiction seem to have missed the point. When the brains of addicts (following years of drug taking) are compared to those of drug-naive controls, these scientists can be heard to say “Look! Their brains have changed!” Yet if neuroplasticity is the rule, not the exception, then they’re actually not saying much at all. The brain is supposed to change with new experiences. And those changes are supposed to stabilize and consolidate the more that experience is repeated.

When our experience of the world produces strong emotions—whether of desire, threat, pleasure, or relief—brain change takes on extra momentum. Emotions focus our attention and our thinking, partly through connections between the amygdala and a variety of cortical structures and partly through the wash of neuromodulators (including dopamine) released from the brain stem (including the VTA) in response to salient inputs. When those emotions recur over and over, in response to a particular event, perception, thought, memory, or need, then attention directs memory consolidation systematically. Our recurrently-focused brains inevitably self-organize in a particular direction, entrenching particular interpretations and emotional associations. Most relevant to addiction, the feeling of desire for something shapes synaptic configurations that become increasingly sensitive to cues associated with whatever is desired—since those cues are processed repeatedly in our efforts to acquire it.

Importantly, it’s not just attraction or desire that fuels feedback loops and promotes neural habits. Depression and anxiety also develop through feedback. The more we think sad or fearful thoughts, the more synapses get strung together to generate scenarios of loneliness or danger, and the more likely we are to practice strategies—often unconsciously—for dealing with those scenarios. Neural patterns forged by desire can complement and merge with those born of depression or anxiety. In fact, that’s a lynchpin in the self-medication model of addiction. Gabor Maté persuasively shows how early emotional disturbances steer us toward an intense desire for the relief provided by drugs [11], and Maia Szalavitz vividly portrays her experience as a late adolescent trying to brighten her depression with cocaine and ease her anxiety with heroin [10]. So, when we examine the correlation between addiction and depression or anxiety, we should recognize that addiction is often a partner or even an extension of a developmental pattern already set in motion, not simply a newcomer who happened to show up one day.

Thus, repeated experiences establish patterns, forming habits, and those habits link with other habits that also evolve with repeated experiences. But here’s the main point when it comes to addiction. We don’t need an external cause like disease to explain the growth of bad habits, or even a set of interlocking bad habits (like being a drug addict and a criminal and a liar). Bad habits self-organize like any other habits. Addiction has been described as a habit for many decades, across various cultural contexts and societal conversations. Is that all it is? Like other habits, addiction may simply grow and stabilize, in brain tissue that is designed (by evolution) to change and stabilize. Yet addiction belongs to a subset of habits: those which are most difficult to extinguish. If we conceptualize addiction as an outcome of normal learning, we still have to explain why it is such an extreme outcome, so destructive and so difficult to reverse.

My outline of the principles of brain development highlighted individual trajectories. However, brain development also incorporates normative tendencies that are crucial for understanding addiction. First, brain development always balances the formation of new synapses—synaptogenesis—with synaptic loss or pruning. Second, and perhaps counterintuitively, synaptic pruning far outweighs synaptogenesis over the years of childhood and adolescence. The infant brain has an overabundance of synapses, roughly one-third of which are pruned through competition [28] as a result of normal learning. In fact pruning is considered the primary mechanism by which learning occurs. Third, pruning in the prefrontal cortex increases efficiency in the processing and organizing of information—the essence of cognitive development from puberty onward [29]. Fourth, emotion regulation skills, which continue to advance through childhood and adolescence, involve two-way communication between prefrontal control centers and subcortical (e.g., striatal) regions that mediate emotions and impulses [30]. It can be assumed that both synaptogenesis and pruning play significant roles in this crucial developmental achievement.

A closer look at the nature of impulsive responding will help us understand not only the development of emotion regulation but addiction as well. All mammals and certainly human children tend to overvalue immediate rewards at the expense of long-term gains. This proclivity, called delay discounting, must be tamed in order for children to advance from a preoccupation with whatever is presently available (e.g., one marshmallow in the famous marshmallow test) to a capacity to wait for long-term gains (e.g., two marshmallows, a few minutes later) [31]—a crucial step in the development of emotion regulation. Addicts are known to be excessively now-oriented [32], consistent with their tendency to favor what Heyman calls the local choice [5]. Moreover, delay discounting has been shown to correspond to activation of the ventral striatum, the villain when it comes to addictive behavior, while the capacity to delay gratification taps activation of the dlPFC [30, 33, 34]. In other words, the neural picture in both delay discounting and addiction features striatal activation that is underregulated by the dlPFC (and other regions of the PFC).

Why Addiction Is Not a Disease

In its contemporary form [18], the disease model of addiction asserts that addiction is a chronic, relapsing brain disease. This disease is evidenced by changes in the brain, especially alterations in the striatum, brought about by the repeated uptake of dopamine in response to drugs and other substances. But it is also characterized by changes in the prefrontal cortex, where regions responsible for cognitive control become partially disconnected from the striatum and sometimes lose a portion of their synapses as the addiction progresses. These are big changes, they can’t be brushed aside, and so far the disease model is the only model of addiction that actually tries to explain them. So why should we look further?

Self-Perpetuating Attractions Do Not a Disease Make

The brain changes with all learning experiences, and it changes more rapidly and more radically in response to experiences with high motivational impact. Every experience that is repeated enough times because of its motivational appeal will change synaptic networks in the striatum and related regions (e.g., the amygdala and orbitofrontal cortex) while adjusting the flow and uptake of dopamine to all these regions. Such changes lead to the formation of habits—neural and behavioral habits—habits that become self-perpetuating and self-stabilizing. Yet we wouldn’t want to call the excitement we feel about summer vacation, meeting our lover, or cheering for our favorite team a disease. As we anticipate and live through these experiences, the corresponding network of synapses is strengthened and refined; so the uptake of dopamine gets more selective as rewards are identified and habits established. This is simply learning, motivated by desire.

Even if addictive habits are more deeply entrenched than other habits, there is no clear dividing line between addiction and the repeated pursuit of other attractive goals, either in experience or in brain function [35]. So how do we know which urges, attractions, and desires to label “disease” and which to consider aspects of normal experience and brain change? Some authorities apply the disease label when the pursuit of a drug, drink, or activity seriously interferes with one’s life. But again, where should we draw the line? The lover we can’t help but desire may be abusive, may be involved in another relationship, or may be forbidden for familial or cultural reasons. And sports fans have been known to beat each other up, get arrested, and ignore their familial responsibilities when the excitement runs high. “Addiction” doesn’t fit a unique physiological stamp. It simply describes the repeated pursuit of highly attractive goals and the brain changes that condense this cycle of thought and behavior into a well-learned habit. Brain change, even more extreme brain change, does not imply that something is wrong with the brain.

My review of the disease model highlighted the shift in activation from the ventral to the dorsal striatum as addictive behavior becomes increasingly compulsive. This change has been well documented: it consists of the growth of fibers from the VTA to the dorsal striatum as the addictive behavior becomes an automatic response to a stimulus [22]. Once a person has reached this state, the brain is no longer functioning as it did. Yet, according to Everitt and Robbins [22], the acknowledged experts on the ventral-to-dorsal shift, “there is nothing aberrant or unusual about devolving behavioural control to a dorsal striatal S-R habit mechanism.” These authors remind us that this neural restructuring is to be expected in many aspects of our lives, including eating and other normal activities. Do we bite down on that piece of pizza because of an anticipated reward, or because a great many trials have established an association between a particular smell (and other gustatory cues) and the act of biting? “Automatization of behaviour frees up cognitive processes,” these authors continue. That would explain why we can talk, eat, drive, and listen to music all at the same time. We need habits in order to free our minds for other things. Unfortunately, in addiction, this perfectly natural developmental mechanism often leads to suffering.

Addiction without Substances

One of the greatest blows to the current notion of addiction as a disease is the fact that behavioral addictions can be just as severe as substance addictions. However, the party line of NIDA, the AMA, and ASAM remains what it has been for decades: addiction is primarily caused by substance abuse. If that were so, how would we explain addictions to porn, sex, internet games, food, and gambling? In a comprehensive review, Brewer and Potenza conclude that “disorders” characterized by too much of any of the above show brain activation patterns that are nearly identical to those shown in drug addiction [36]. According to these authors, even the ventral-to-dorsal shift in striatal activation, and the corresponding increase in compulsive responding, show up in behavioral addictions just as they do in substance addictions. This is exemplified in compulsive gambling and binge eating. It is interesting that, despite widespread acceptance of neural and behavioral parallels between substance and behavioral addictions, the promoters of the disease model have never retracted their claim that drugs cause the brain changes underlying addiction.

People pursue certain activities repeatedly, often with little control, because those activities start off as highly rewarding and end up as behavioral habits. That description can cover anything from spending sprees to helicopter parenting to jihadism. But there is one very normal human endeavor that most of us recognize as the epitome of blind desire and recurrent pursuit: falling in love. Lovers think obsessively about their love object, exaggerate his or her positive qualities and avoid thinking about future repercussions. Romantic love (but also parent-child love, and even perverse forms of love including fetishism, sadomasochism, etc.) can easily become compulsive, difficult to control, and overly focused on the immediate, with little regard for the long-range forecast.

A look at the neuroscience of love reveals some remarkable similarities with addiction. It is generally agreed that “increased levels of central dopamine contribute to the lover’s focused attention on the beloved and the lover’s tendency to regard the beloved as unique” [37]. In fact, several researchers have examined the love-and-addiction link directly. Burkett and Young reviewed much of this work [38]. In their words, “mesolimbic dopamine is a major contributor to the formation of pair bonds in prairie voles and particularly in the nucleus accumbens region.” In a comprehensive new book, Toates summarizes research showing that the dopamine system provides a “common currency of wanting” in the pursuit of financial gains, drugs, and sexual partners [39]. He notes that the nucleus accumbens is involved in motivating the individual to overcome obstacles in order to reach such goals [40] and that dopamine metabolism biases decision making in favor of immediate gains [41]. With regard to romantic pairing, Burkett and Young conclude that “[w]hen these early interactions with the object of addiction produce rewarding outcomes, dopamine is released in the nucleus accumbens, which acts to increase the salience of incentive cues that predict the reward” [38]. If addiction is a disease, then so apparently is love.

Alternative Explanations of Cortical Change

So far, I’ve argued that addictions are consolidated patterns of attraction and pursuit that cultivate distinct synaptic configurations in the motivational core of the brain (the striatum and related regions). But the disease model also stipulates cortical changes: most seriously the loss of functional coupling between the PFC and the striatum and, perhaps as a result, the eventual loss of synapses in the PFC, both of which contribute to a loss of self-control. Indeed, after a while, with a variety of substances and some eating disorders (including binge eating), the dorsolateral PFC becomes partially disconnected from the striatum. The reasons for this disconnection are complex and not fully understood. But suffice it to say that dopamine signaling in the cortex is partly under the control of striatal outputs, and with long-term addiction striatal habits no longer send signals to the PFC eliciting control. Functional connections are lost, which means some of the synaptic pathways get pruned and eventually disappear. Now structural connections are lost. This explains the loss of grey matter volume reported with long-term addiction. Can these changes be seen as anything but the ravages of a disease?

From a functional perspective, the interplay between prefrontally mediated control and striatal goal-pursuit is never permanently fixed in the brain. Children’s ability to overcome delay discounting (and other impulsive tendencies) improves with age from middle childhood to middle adolescence, due at least in part to the maturation of the dorsolateral PFC [42]. Not surprisingly, adults also overcome delay discounting by activating the dlPFC [33], yet this avenue of control isn’t carved in stone. Adults fall prey to delay discounting regularly, suggesting functional rather than structural variability in prefrontal control. And they can reverse this tendency in response to novel environmental inputs. In one set of studies, the tendency to discount future gains in favour of immediate rewards was consistently reversed by exposing participants to images of their future selves [43]. To examine such changes at the neural level, Figner applied transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), a procedure that can temporarily disrupt activity in the cortex, while participants were engaged in a delay discounting task [44]. Participants chose immediate rewards of lower value more frequently when the TMS machine was placed over their dorsolateral PFC, but their discounting rate went back to normal immediately afterward. There are more natural (and less expensive) ways to disrupt dlPFC activation and facilitate impulsive responding. Drug or alcohol use, especially during the sensitive developmental period of adolescence, is clearly one such way [45].

Yet the loss of cortical control is thought to be long-lasting, even permanent, in long-term addiction. This implies structural changes, which are often conflated with the notion of disease. However, as noted previously, synaptic pruning is a normal developmental process. In fact, research shows that, when the same inputs are encountered repeatedly, connections are depleted to improve overall efficiency [46], and addiction certainly exemplifies repeated inputs. In the sequel to Hebb’s famous maxim, not only do cells that fire together wire together but cells that fire apart wire apart. In other words, changes in behavior and experience naturally deplete synaptic connections, not only functionally but, over time, structurally as well. As addicts pursue the same rewards every day, it appears that they no longer rely on reflective judgment to curtail the feelings and behaviors to which they’ve grown accustomed. Then it should not be surprising, nor should it imply the presence of disease, if their neural configurations readjust by pruning the underused synapses.

This account of cortical decoupling and loss of cortical synapses doesn’t quite close Pandora’s Box. It isn’t easy to determine which patterns of synaptic pruning are normal and which are not [47]. Yet, in a seminal study, Connolly and colleagues showed that the reduction of grey matter volume in specific regions of the prefrontal cortex (and the anterior cingulate, a closely related structure), induced by years of addiction, can reverse over several months of abstinence [48]. These authors reported that grey matter volume returned to a normal (population) baseline level within six months to a year of abstinence (from heroin, cocaine, and alcohol), and similar results have been found by others [e.g. 49]. Of even greater interest, Connolly and colleagues observed an increase in grey matter volume beyond the population baseline in participants who remained abstinent for a year or more. These findings jibe with the idea that synaptic loss and synaptic growth in these regions correspond with variations in experience, not disease. Recurrent episodes of automatic responding reduce synaptic activity in the PFC, but new modes of experiencing the world and new means for regulating one’s emotions and behaviors can just as easily build new synaptic connections in the same (or nearby) regions.

From subjective reports we know that most addicts never feel that they have lost all control over their impulses. Rather, most addicts report that control has become more difficult because it is buffeted by a variety of psychological and social factors: it has become less automatic—more nuanced but less reliable [50]. And from epidemiological reports the story is clear: most addicts recover [1], and most of those recover without treatment [2–4]. This would seem impossible if regions of the PFC responsible for self-control did not remain highly plastic.

In fact, a detailed understanding of neuroplasticity is the best antidote to the disease model of addiction. Yes, the prefrontal cortex is malleable. Yes, it can undergo major changes in synaptic organization in response to drug taking. But it can and must undergo synaptic reorganization anyway, and it does so throughout a lifetime of learning. Spontaneous recovery from addiction is common, it has been studied in depth, and it certainly must embody cortical plasticity, though in a direction opposite to that highlighted by disease model advocates. Neuroplasticity (e.g., synaptogenesis) is the norm when people recover from medical problems like strokes or concussions [27, 51], but it also underpins second language learning [52] and the acquisition of new skills in adulthood. People learn addiction through neuroplasticity, which is how they learn everything. They maintain their addiction because they lose some of that plasticity. Then, when they recover, with or without treatment, their neuroplasticity returns. Their brains start changing again. With the onset of addiction, plasticity is devoted to new means for acquiring pleasure or relief. With recovery, plasticity is devoted to goals with far-reaching personal value and the skills necessary to attain them.

If it’s Not a Disease, then What Is it?

In an earlier section, I outlined a number of processes by which brains change as people (and their habits, and their personalities) develop. The repetition of particular experiences modifies synaptic networks. This creates a feedback cycle between experience and brain change, each one shaping the other. New patterns of synaptic connections perpetuate themselves like the ruts carved by rainwater in the garden. Thus, brain changes that result from repeated learning experiences naturally settle into brain habits—which lock in mental habits. And the experiences that get repeated most often, most reliably, are those that are most compelling. In fact, desire is evolution’s premier agent for getting us to pursue goals repeatedly. Thus, intense and/or recurrent desires will naturally change the rate and depth of learning by augmenting the feedback cycle between experience and brain change.

In this sense, I would say that addiction is an outcome of learning, but learning that has been accelerated and/or entrenched through the recurrent pursuit of highly attractive goals. There are many reasons why this cycle of goal pursuit, accompanied by the fadeout of alternative goals, becomes tighter and more invariant over time. Some are social and cultural, others societal and economical. The reasons I have highlighted in this article have more to do with the cascading nature of developmental constraints—the narrowing of possibilities into probabilities, states into traits [53]. Looked at from a biological perspective, this tendency is embodied in the reconfiguration, self-perpetuation, and consolidation of synaptic networks in structures that mediate desire, attraction, attention, memory, and cognitive reflection and control [54, 55].

Desire is at the top of the list when it comes to emotional states that propel learning. And while this standard feature of the psychological repertoire can explain the locking in of habitual attractions, we must still ask whether there is something special about addiction that makes it so difficult to overcome. In fact, there seem to be at least three specific mechanisms that accelerate our attraction to addictive rewards and entrench addictive activities—without making it a disease.

The first is the tendency toward delay discounting, which creates a narrowed beam of attention toward imminent rewards. That is precisely the state addicts find themselves in time after time. One of dopamine’s chief functions is to highlight available goals. Immediate goals are available goals, and striatal networks surge with dopamine whenever those goals are cued by associated stimuli or memories. Another function of striatal dopamine is to inhibit awareness of competing goals (e.g., going out on a date, finding a movie to watch). In fact, that’s how the striatum narrows the beam of attention. As a result, addicts become stuck in a bleak here-and-now, nearly identical from one day to the next. It is this entrapment in the immediate that calls for treatment approaches that might help addicts stretch their sense of personal time, consistent with Ainslie’s powerful concept of intertemporal cooperation [56].Movement in this direction can be facilitated by some form of interpersonal scaffolding (e.g., targeted dialogue in group or individual therapy) intended to hold this cooperation in place—until the addict can recreate it at will.

The second mechanism is the motivational amplification caused by addictive rewards. We know that synaptic patterns get reinforced with each repetition of the same kind of experience, whether it’s playing the piano, baking bread, or smoking crack. And we know that repetition boosted by strong motivation is the most effective driver of synaptic shaping. (Actually, strong motivation determines not only the frequency of repetition across occasions but also the resilience or purity of attention within occasions.) Then imagine the impact of a longed-for reward that only lasts a few hours, or maybe just a few minutes. Drugs wear off, drinking sedates, the money’s spent, or sexual pyrotechnics become boring. Addictive rewards whet the appetite and leave frustration, loss, and often depression in their wake. Moreover, because they are universally perceived as selfish and indulgent, they unleash great gouts of shame [50]. Because shame is such a painful emotion, it exacerbates the need for resolution, regulation, or escape.

In a nutshell, addictive rewards pack a double whammy. Desire flares again after only a few hours, a day at most, and brings with it a host of other compelling emotions. Physiological consequences, including withdrawal symptoms with certain drugs, make it a triple whammy. The cycle of acquisition and loss then recurs with increasing frequency, the same neural passages get dredged again and again, and the trajectory of learning is progressively reinforced.

The third mechanism that enhances addictive learning is the fusion between personality development and the consolidation of addictive habits. Not only desire but also negative emotions, like anxiety and shame, fuel synaptic configurations that strengthen themselves over development, as in the crystallization of depressive or anxious personality traits. The addictive habit thus converges with other habits consolidating within one’s personality, such that addiction complements or reinforces preexisting tendencies. Synaptic networks are not only self-reinforcing but also mutually reinforcing, in a brain that likes to conserve structure and resources, as do all living things. The mechanics of this process involve multiple brain regions, interlaced to form a web that holds the addiction in place—as part of one’s personality structure. Thus, intense emotions, focused attention, and cognitive habits harness one another, and together they gouge deep ruts in the neural underpinnings of the self.

So, what exactly is addiction? It’s a habit that grows and self-perpetuates relatively quickly, when we repeatedly pursue the same highly attractive goal. Or, in a phrase, motivated repetition that gives rise to deep learning. Addictive patterns grow more quickly and become more deeply entrenched than other, less compelling habits, because of the intensity of the attraction that motivates us to repeat them, especially when they leave us gasping for more. Often, emotional turmoil during childhood or adolescence initiates patterns of personality development that anchor the search for addictive rewards, serving as sources of relief and comfort. But there are other points of entry too, based on various intersections of dispositional and environmental factors. However it is entered, and however it is eventually left, addiction is a condition of recurrent desire for a single goal, but also an aspect or phase of personality development that leaves enduring footprints in neural tissue.

Why can’t we just Get along?

Will a developmental-learning model of addiction ever make peace with the disease model? That would provide one kind of happy ending. It would encourage proponents of the disease model and those who study the development of addiction to talk with each other, share data and ideas, and derive higher-order explanations. Yet I don't think this is in the cards. Not because the disease model is so far off base scientifically. Some of the brain changes observed in addiction may be sufficiently ominous to exemplify both pathology and learning, as is the case in autism and schizophrenia. In fact, defining a category at the intersection of pathology and development is the stated goal of the burgeoning field of “developmental psychopathology” [57]. As with depression and anxiety disorders, the delineation between learning and pathology is not a line but a zone.

Yet the baggage accompanying the disease model may preclude a happy marriage. Society’s understanding of addiction can be seen as advancing through three broad stages (a somewhat similar model has recently been proposed [58]). First, beginning in the Victorian era, addicts were considered morally flawed and indulgent, sinners by choice or by happenstance. The appropriate response to addiction was to punish the addict through scorn, isolation, disenfranchisement, or incarceration. The proper resolution to the problem of addiction was to shame and punish the addict who might, with luck, go back to being good. This set of beliefs and attitudes was gradually overwritten by the disease model of addiction in the middle of the twentieth century. This change was driven by the emphasis on helplessness in Alcoholics Anonymous, beginning in the 30s, and the evolution of residential treatment centers that stressed obedience to therapeutic regimes, beginning in the 50s. Finally, the proliferation of neuroscience in the 80s and 90s sealed the deal by specifying the substrate of the disease, namely the brain. Now specific neural changes could be pinpointed as the source of addiction, and the disease model reached its zenith.

According to the disease model, the appropriate solution to addiction is to be found in the realm of medicine. Specifically, addicts should be urged (convinced or compelled) to follow the advice handed down by medical practitioners. As emphasized by Nora Volkow in dozens of policy statements, the solution to addiction isn’t shame. Rather than confess to being immoral, addicts are advised to confess to being incapable. The only hope to control addiction is to accept a regime imposed from outside, from the halls of medical authority, in order to subdue a problem located on the inside, in the mind itself (an approach to the treatment of mental disorders that has governed psychiatry throughout its history—with some unfortunate consequences). It is this baggage that seems destined to clash with the ethos of a third, more progressive view of addiction.

What I see as the third stage in our understanding of addiction is not restricted to reinterpreting the role of choice [58], though that’s part of the package. Rather, it’s a developmental model of the kind outlined in this article, highlighting a learning trajectory that consolidates in habitual patterns of thinking and feeling. This view of addiction admits the potency of social factors, like isolation and dislocation [59]. It makes sense of the impact of adversity in early development, as demonstrated by large epidemiological studies from the 80s to the present. It is consistent with a far more nuanced view of addiction, embodying personal, philosophical, and societal factors, as elaborated in a recent special issue of Frontiers in Psychiatry [60]. And finally, it builds on our advancing knowledge of the neurobiology of individual differences in development [57, 61].

According to a developmental-learning conceptualization, the appropriate response to addiction is neither shame and isolation nor submission to a therapeutic regime. Rather, it is further growth. The cure for addiction can’t be a medical regime that returns the addict to some previous level of stability or homeostasis. Rather, growth beyond addiction exemplifies developmental progress, powered by one’s own efforts. In this light, addiction can be viewed as a stage of individual development, and it must therefore be addressed through individual strivings based on individual perspectives, goals, and capacities. A developmental-learning model of addiction suggests that positive change must be conceived and pursued from within.

The final two stages in our understanding of addiction, the disease model and the developmental-learning model, achieve some of their plausibility on the basis of brain research. But the role of neuroscience in these two stages of conceptualization could not be more different. Neuroscience helped shore up the disease model by identifying deviations from what is considered standard neural architecture. Although it’s never been made clear exactly how this standard could be determined, we could say that the project of the brain disease model draws on the principle of “neuronormativity.” In contrast, the developmental-learning model embodies our advancing conception of neuroplasticity. A project focused on neuroplasticity replaces the search for norms with an emphasis on the brain’s capacity to change, and it confirms our intuition that there are many different ways to move forward [10, 14].

Thus, both models borrow something from neuroscience—a detailed breakdown of the biological landscape underlying addiction. But they are fundamentally different in their perception of that landscape. The brain is either a normative thing that can go wrong and then be repaired, or it is an open system that can develop in a multitude of directions, integrating the meaning of experience according to its own proclivities. No doubt this process of integration can be greatly facilitated by the cognitive scaffolding and emotional support provided by other people. Yet, neither the spirit nor the specifics of change can be dictated, either by professional authorities or by society in general. Since addiction is viewed as a phase of individual development, so is the pathway most of us find for moving beyond addiction.

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#addiction #disease model #behavior #disease model of addiction #learning #development #neuroplasticity #critique #self-organization #delay discounting

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jeon-jungkookiee · 5 years

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A long overdue appreciation post for BTS

Although I’ve never stopped supporting BTS, it has been a couple of years since I’ve been active on Tumblr and I just want to talk about how happy I am for the boys. I started following BTS back in 2014 and I remember so clearly the exact moment I got into them. I was watching an episode of We Got Married and at the end of the episode, they played the mv for Boy In Luv. I shazamed the song because I absolutely needed to find out who those boys were. That was the start of an incredible 4 year journey where I learned to love them so deeply, as well as myself.

Then came September 27th, 2015 when the boys came to Toronto for a small concert, in a tiny venue with what I’m guessing held about 600 people. I was able to stand right in front of them and hi-touch each member...That entire night was an absolute blur and I remember being so star struck and panicked that I was making physical contact with the boys that I admired so much. And I remember crying, thinking that this would be the last time I would stand in the same room as them.

Fast forward to nearly 3 years later on September 20th, 2018; I’m standing all the way at the back of the Hamilton FirstOntario Centre at the BTS Love Yourself World Tour. At first, when the boys started to gain more attention and winning awards at BBMAs and AMAs, I was a little sad thinking that I had to share them with the rest of the world. To be honest, I was not too happy thinking that they would probably never do a hi-touch event in Toronto again and if they did, it would be nearly impossible for me to get tickets.

I ultimately accepted all this, as this is what they worked so hard over the last 5 years to achieve. These were the boys who didn’t win any awards for 2 years after their debut but are now taking over the world, and I couldn’t be any happier for them. To know that they are happy and have achieved all this success after all their hard work, I can honestly say that I am happy to be watching them and cheering them on from afar.

From 2014 until now, BTS, I will always support you.

#bts #bangtan #v #rm #j-hope #suga #jimin #jin #loveyourself

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airoasis · 5 years

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51% Attack, Free Speech Under Attack? | Hodler's Digest

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/51-attack-free-speech-under-attack-hodlers-digest/

51% Attack, Free Speech Under Attack? | Hodler's Digest

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holidaysat221b · 6 years

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Part Two of the List of Sherlolly Prompts as of 5/10/2018

Here is a link to the very informal Sherlolly Prompt FAQ

Below is the list of prompts submitted to @holidaysat221b. Where possible, we have tagged the submitter so that credit can be given if a prompt inspires someone to write a fic or create a piece of art.

Some submissions were specifically labeled as Art prompts, and they have been separated into their own category. However, if you are a fic writer and one of the art prompts calls to you, go for it. Likewise, if one of the other prompts makes you want to draw, have fun with it! Prompts that have been filled at least once will be noted with a link to the fic/art, in case that influences your decision to work with one.

We only ask three things:

1) If you use one of the prompts on this list, please remember to credit the prompt and prompter somewhere in your fic summary/art description or in your notes.

2) Please submit an ask or message @holidaysat221b with a link to your work, the prompt you used, the prompter, and how you want to be identified (in cases where your Tumblr and fic/artist name are different). This will allow us to share your work with our followers and tag the prompter (if possible).

3) We have set up a Sherlolly Prompt Collection on Ao3. If you are planning to post your fic or art on Ao3 and would like to add it to the collection, please do. As of this moment, the collection is open and unmoderated. Please remember to credit the prompt and prompter in your fic/art notes.

On to the Prompts as of May 10, 2018

Everything Else

Sherlock is undercover. He’s renting a small place and he’s trying to fit in with the extremely old fashioned community that is probably hiding a deadly smuggling ring or something equally bad. He ends up calling on Molly to come help. Since he’s already established as an unmarried man, his ‘sister’ (or other family member) arrives for a visit. Cue living in the same house while hot for each other type shenanigans while pretending to be siblings under the watchful eye of some suspicious townspeople. - Anonymous

Molly’s school reunion – Sherlock assumes he’ll be needed to help Molly show everyone up. The catch: Molly’s been a beloved peer, so it’s him who gets the obligatory “you hurt her, we’ll end you”. :) - @mychakk

Sherlock sees a woman on the street. Instantly intrigued (you can choose as to why) he follows her. - @mel-loves-all

Molly loves wearing Sherlock’s house robes. - @mel-loves-all (Prompt fill - A Seminal Moment by @geekmama)

Molly has a piece of body piercing jewelry or a tattoo located somewhere that surprises and titillates Sherlock. - @mel-loves-all (Prompt fill - Stainless, Captive Bead, 11mm, 14 Gauge. by sunken_standard)

Whenever Molly is close, Sherlock unconsciously always seems to need to touch her in some way after they start dating. He doesn’t notice it, but Molly does. - @mel-loves-all

A midnight dance. - @mel-loves-all

John tries to set up Sherlock with a girl. Unsurprisingly, there are a lot of contenders. And what does Molly have to say about that? - The Silent Fangirl

Through unexpected circumstances, Sherlock and Molly get engaged. It doesn’t end well. Crack!fic - The Silent Fangirl

Eurus Holmes ships the Sherlolly. So does John and Mycroft. Soon, everyone gets dragged into the Sherlolly craze. Crack!fic - The Silent Fangirl

Molly lives in the flat across from 221B. You know, the one that exploded? Yeah. But before that, there was a) looking at the hot naked guy in the window b) said hot naked guy crashing into her flat because he just wants to c) her traitorous cat crossing the street to hot naked guy’s flat. - The Silent Fangirl

Molly stops being Sherlock’s pathologist, and starts being THE Pathologist. BAMF!Molly - The Silent Fangirl

This, Sherlock thinks through the haze of cocaine, truly is the worst form of torture. Mycroft and Molly’s wedding through Sherlock’s drug-addled POV. - The Silent Fangirl

Molly commits suicide, but only Sherlock thinks she didn’t. He may not be wrong. - The Silent Fangirl

When John Watson dies, Rosie is given into the care of her godparents. Problem is, they aren’t exactly on speaking terms. Bonus for Harry Watson appearance! - The Silent Fangirl

Molly nearly gets hit by a speeding car … until Sherlock pushes her out of the way and gets hit himself. H/C - The Silent Fangirl

Molly in labor. After watching Mary in labor in TST, I kinda wanna see a funny take on Molly giving birth to her and Sherlock’s child. Maybe something like Molly being in pain, she wishes out loud she’d never had sex with Sherlock, while Sherlock logically points out how well they emotionally and biologically fit together. - Anonymous

Fluff. Molly has been hospitalized for whatever reason. She decides that she is feeling better and just wants to go home. However, the hospital does not want to release her yet. So Molly decides to leave AMA (against medical advice). She feels she can recover at home just as well and also she is eager to get back to work. Besides, who is going to know? This is something someone might expect from Sherlock, but not Molly. How long before he finds out? What is his reaction? - @shadowyqueenbeard

Angst. Molly discovers she is pregnant and is not happy about it. Although she would love to have a baby at some point, right now is not the time. She and Sherlock do not have a commitment and her career is going well. She plans to terminate the pregnancy. Sherlock finds out and tries to stop her. He please with her to change her mind, marry him and be a family. Is this just a control tactic or does he really love her? - @shadowyqueenbeard (Prompt fill - Turn Right by sunken_standard)

Molly discovers there is Sherlock Holmes RPF (Real Person Fiction) on the internet. She’s shocked to find that someone called Sherlolly4vr74 has been writing fic about her and Sherlock, and they seem to have a dedicated fan base. Some of the stories are very sweet and romantic, some of them are hot enough to give her NSFW ideas. Who is Sherlolly4vr74 (Is it Anderson? Mrs Hudson? Mary? John? I bet it’s John.) and is Sherlock aware of the stories? - @darnedchild (Prompt fill - This Love…is sweeter than fiction by escailyy)

Eurus has been known to put on a persona and disguise to get close to people for information – she was Faith for Sherlock, E and the psychiatrist for John. What if she had also spent some time around Molly prior to the events at Sherrinford? What information would she have gleaned about her brother and his pathologist? - @darnedchild

Can they be R rated. Because I feel Sherlock would not muck about, with telling Molly what he would like to do to her, he would not use cute little names for all her female parts and would go into great detail, like all his cases. She would be his very serious case. Yes he would most defiantly do a lot of research on pleasing her. Write it however you are most comfortable with. - @oliverfel4

Sherlock and Molly are getting married! It’s time to work on the guest list for the wedding, and suddenly they are faced with the question—Do they let Euros come, or not? - @celticmoonbeam (Prompt fill - Untitled Tumblr post by @theresadunn)

Shipwrecked Sherlolly—Sherlock saves Molly from drowning. - Anonymous (Prompt fill - Untitled Tumblr post (TBC?) by @mizjoely)

Euros leads Sherlock to believe that he failed, and Molly was killed after the ILY scene. Much angst ensues as he blames himself for her loss … but then we get to see the happy reunion scene when he learns she’s alive. - Anonymous

Moriarty trying to up Sherlock by sleeping with Molly, but the joke is on him, as Sherlock and Molly knew each other from secondary school/uni and were each other’s firsts. They can be regular (exclusive) lovers too. - @mychakk

Mary as matchmaker. At John and Mary’s wedding, Mary feels a little sad when they leave him alone to go dance (“What about you?”). She decides to make it her mission to help Sherlock find a girl so he’s not alone anymore. And this former agent has no trouble figuring out the potential between Sherlock and a certain Molly Hooper … (Up to you whether or not you want to throw in a Janine segue before she decides to set him up with Molly. And feel free to cover Sherlock being shot!) - @celticmoonbeam

Molly discovers she’s pregnant with Sherlock’s child at the worst possible time: while she’s with his parents, being hidden away, and the two are pretending to be just friends. Bonus if they figure it out before they’re told! - @penaltywaltz

After the events of TFP, Molly and Sherlock get closer. Suddenly, though, he pulls away and starts flirting with a coworker of hers, sometimes blatantly in front of her. It isn’t until an event at Barts that the truth comes out that it was all for a case. - @penaltywaltz

Molly finds out that as a child Sherlock liked the book “The Westing Game” and for one of his birthdays she arranges a vacation mimicking the plot of the book, even if none of them really fit the particular characters. - @penaltywaltz

Sherlock wants to make a gourmet meal for Molly for a special occasion, but he doesn’t seem to get it quite right. Fortunately, a friend/relative is willing to help. - @penaltywaltz

Sherlock moves in with Molly and begins perusing her book collection, picking up random books that have interesting looking covers, and the next thing Molly knows he’s turned into a fantasy buff. - @penaltywaltz (Prompt fill - Stories & Stories by SimplyShelbs16)

Non-established Sherlolly. Sherlock gets a hold of Molly’s phone one afternoon and can’t resist snooping. He’s surprised to see a folder in her photo gallery marked “Special” and it’s all photos of him. - @penaltywaltz

Have you had sex? – After Euros asked that I somehow thought “Molly??” (as Sherlock says, Irene only texts him, he doesn’t reply). Later it seems that Euros is the only one who ever has noticed that Molly causes some emotions in him. So my theory is that something happened between Molly and Sherlock, it happened pretty recently, somehow (stressful night and they talked or they had some drinks and somehow one thing led to another) they ended up having sex; but Sherlock wasn’t good at dealing with it after or something urgent came along and he didn’t really consider Molly’s emotions, he ran off right after or in the morning, and that could be the reason why Molly didn’t pick up the phone first and was in a bad mood during the “ILY scene”. What happened between them recently is the reason why Molly is a bit rude to Sherlock when he calls, and the reason why she gets so emotional and raw so easily over the I Love You thing, and why she so easily tells him to say it first. Well, then when Sherlock says “I love you” he finally realizes fully that he really does love her too, and that he is capable of loving that way, and finally sees how easy it could be and what he could lose. Then after this whole thing he goes to talk to Molly and explain things to her. - @lullikiish

Complete me as a person. — Scene that popped into my mind. Irene has been texting Sherlock again, Sherlock in the end almost agrees to meet her for dinner, but as he’s walking out of his flat while Molly is there looking after Rosie he sees Molly in kind of slo-mo in the golden evening sun holding Rosie and being all sweet. Maybe already something a bit has happened before between them, some flirting, etc. The talk with John about a relationship completing him as a person is on the back of his mind. He walks out, but midway down the stairs while taking his phone out (symbolically in darkness compared to that evening sun) he realizes that he misses that warmth and Molly, and realizes that is what completes him. He takes out his phone and texts he’s not coming and then goes back upstairs. Sees Molly all adorable and confused/surprised in this beautiful light and maybe goes to kiss her, etc. - @lullikiish

Crack!fic. Molly and Sherlock had a fake wedding for a case. However, when Molly applies for a marriage license to Tom, it turns out the wedding was actually real. She has to approach Sherlock for an annulment. It seems Sherlock deleted the event, because he doesn’t seem to remember it. Or does he? It seems he is too busy to sign the paperwork, he has misplaced it, always an excuse not to dissolve the marriage. Eventually he has to admit he really does want to be married to her. So Molly has to decide between two men. Which one does she choose? 😉 - @shadowyqueenbeard

Molly, unbeknownst to Sherlock, suffers from psoriasis since her teen years. This is why she’s been adamant about being more physically intimate with him, no matter how much she wants to. Fortunately for her, Sherlock doesn’t care about it at all. Could be a hard T or M rating. Loosely inspired by Loo’s own bout with the disease. - @violetjersey (Prompt fill - #Balm by @hobbitsdoitbetter)

Fluff and maybe smut, or angst with a happy ending: Molly has a creepy feeling that she is being followed, and goes to Lestrade for help. He discovers that she has a security detail, curtesy of Sherlock. Molly is not pleased with this situation. Sherlock doesn’t understand why not, shouldn’t she be glad that he cares about her safety? After getting an earful from Molly, he cancels the security detail. Molly promptly leaves town without a word to anyone, leaving Sherlock to sweat. Is she okay? Most likely she is on a beach sipping Margaritas, but maybe she’s in trouble. He would like to make amends but first he as to find her. Should he try to locate her or leave her alone as requested? - @shadowyqueenbeard

I have read this in one or two fics, but not really developed as a main theme of the story … so: What if Rosie wants to pair John and Molly? How Sherlock will react and … how will he convince Rosie that Molly is for him and not for John. I’m imagining some angst in the middle because the silly man thinks this is a wonderful idea: Rosie gets a mummy and Molly gets a family. In fact, Sherlock sets up a date between Molly and John while he’s babysitting Rosie. - @kalkopyryt

Crack!Fic. Molly decides to try speed dating. The day she goes Sherlock is there, deducing everyone else to shreds. He tells Molly he is there purely by coincidence. He’s not trying to thwart her attempts at dating at all. Really! - @shadowyqueenbeard

I’m thinking about Sherlock early in their relationship finds someone clothes that are familiar but can’t remember where, but then he watches some old Moriarty video and realizes where the clothes come from. The end is up to the author. Thank you! - @deemura

Fluff. Molly marries Sherlock, believing it is a fake wedding. Molly is livid when she discovers it was real. Sherlock has a lame excuse. Molly really loves Sherlock and wants to be with him, however she is not a pushover. She demands that they have another ceremony, so that this time she will mean her vows when she says them. Alternately, Molly wants the marriage annulled. Sherlock is a little hurt, but doesn’t want to lose her friendship, so he agrees to dissolve the marriage. When Molly receives confirmation that the annulment is final, that is when Sherlock surprises her by asking her out on a date. Can she forgive his deception and begin a real romantic relationship with him? - @shadowyqueenbeard

Fluff. Molly is getting ready to get married to Sherlock believing the wedding to be fake, when she discovers that it is actually going to be a real ceremony. Will she refuse to walk down the aisle at the last minute, or does she go ahead anyway? - @shadowyqueenbeard

Some strange guy is bothering Molly, so she tells him that Sherlock is her fiance in order to make him stop. To her surprise, Sherlock goes along with it. Maybe he goes even further by announcing it to family and friends. Now what does Molly do? - @shadowyqueenbeard

I love the unplanned pregnancy troupe. Any point in their history (you choose) Molly becomes pregnant but thinking Sherlock won’t want to be involved she keeps it from him. - @chiefdoctor

Molly undergoes “kidnap and rescue” training similar to Meghan Markle. It comes in handy when she does actually escape a kidnapper. Now she is lost in the wilderness, trying to stay alive using the survival skills she learned. Sherlock is determined to find her. - @shadowyqueenbeard

Fluff and maybe Smut. Molly has a hot tub. Sherlock shows up unexpectedly to use it. Of course he is not embarrassed to jump into the hot tub naked. What he doesn’t expect is that Molly is naked, too. - @shadowyqueenbeard

#sherlolly prompt list

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