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thecomicsnexus · 6 months

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ACTION COMICS #600, SUPERMAN #18

May/June 1988

By John Byrne, Roger Stern, Geroge Perez, Kurt Schaffenberger, Mike Mignola, Curt Swan, Murphy Anderson, Jerry Ordway, Dick Giordano, Karl Kesel, Tom Ziuko, Petra Scotese, John Costanza, Bill Oakley, and Albert DeGuzman.

Superman and Wonder Woman go on a date, but they find themselves in Mount Olympus, fighting against Darkseid (story started in Wonder Woman #16).

Lex Luthor discovers he made a huge mistake.

Lois Lane realizes she is no competition for Wonder Woman, and in a moment of weakness, feels attraction for Clark Kent.

Jimmy helps Superman as a wave of Kryptonite radiation hits Earth and he will have to get help from him. Man-Bat.

Then the Haws will take Superman to the place where Krypton was, where Superman would hallucinate a different way history could have gone.

SCORE: 10

I was never a fan of the date between Superman and Wonder Woman, and I have to say that it is not the reason this story accomplished a perfect score. It has more to do with all the other plots (including "Return to Krypton", which wasn't my favorite story either, but it's visually impressive).

Action Comics #600 brought back some of the most recognizable Superman artists (it was Superman's 50th Anniversary after all). It was also the end of Superman's "run" in Action Comics. He would continue for forty-something issues in a short serialized story, but the book would become weekly and disconnected from the other Super-titles.

The reveal of Luthor losing his hand because of Kryptonite radiation was a vert smart touch, and another reference to the silver age (when Luthor used to blame Superboy for the accident where he lost his hair).

The last story in the book connects with Superman #18, as Man-Bat goes to ask the Haws for help. Now, have in mind that these Hawks are a temporal inconsistency (one of the results of reintroducing them five years after Crisis), but hopefully that won't ruin the experience.

"Return to Krypton" was always a very sad story. The planet was in a way reforming, but it would take so long for that to happen, that Superman would never properly get to see it again.

The story also introduced recent visual concepts from the "World of Krypton" mini-series.

But there are many thoughts that you can take from this story, beyond the simple "you can never go home again".

It establishes that Superman being the only survivor of Krypton, was "the right choice", as Kryptonians on Earth would have gone mad with power, and Kal-El himself would be used to maintain that power.

It also reinforces the idea that Superman doesn't belong anywhere but Earth.

And in the end, when he tries to replicate the cure for Kryptonite he saw Jor-El do in his hallucination, he realizes it was inert and that it was probably a good thing that something could take him out, just in case he got corrupted.

The whole thing was beautifully drawn by Mike Mignola, who you wouldn't normally associate with Superman, but at the time was doing super-hero work.

As for the date between Superman and Wonder Woman... the two decided that they weren't right for each other. Superman realized he couldn't really be at "god" level, and Wonder Woman... well... you would need to read Wonder Woman #17 to know what she really thought...

#comics #review #dc comics #modern age #1988 #superman #wonder woman #action comics #hawman #hawkwoman #mike mignola #john byrne #george perez #krypton #man-bat #lex luthor

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angelhummel · 1 year

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Blaine isn’t liked as much as Kurt.Kurt had a huge fandom in season 1, rightly so as he was the golden boy, an iconic gay figure on tb, along with the brilliance of Chris Colfer.

He was alresdy shipped with others, including a huge push for Hevans in season 3, so many had opinions what a boyfriend should be liked. Then Blaine/Darren joined and many adored him, but they toyed around with how they were developing Blaine:Klaine and many were put off that he didn’t fall for Kurt straight away. And wanted Kurt with someone who truly appreciated him (and maybe wasn’t as talented?) such as cough cough Karofsky?

Season 3 onwards we had the criticism that Blaine sung and got more screen time than others, Blee, the better boyfriend issues, people thinking Kurt isn’t getting what he deserved because he’s tied to the Klaine plot, the real life stuff, cc/ popularity of actors etc etc.

By 6 many were calling him toxic and wanted Kurt with an old man rather than married to Blaine. Plus the rushed wedding also put people off.

It’s really only in the last six months that there’s been a growth in Blaine’s popularity that he now pretty much equals Kurt’s. Why ? Kurt stans leaving the fandom, or not writing or producing as much art as Blaine fans and also Darren being more in public eye than Chris and still with a huge following. But as a character, I think Kurt still is loved more than Blaine and people still belittle the contribution Blaine had played in the lgbtq story on tv.

That’s my view of it!

Oh trust me babe, it's all known to me <3 But I'm posting it for a history lesson for the newbies alksfjdslk

And of course like I've said before, it probably doesn't hurt that I've done better lately at blocking people who post dumb shit lol. Plus it's nice to see new Blaine stans popping up, and I make sure to follow them. But if those weird Kurt stans have left the fandom, fine by me. I won't miss them uwu

But yeah these people just needed any excuse to hate Blaine. And they only needed to look at any other man to know he was automatically a better romantic/sexual match for Kurt. Including, but not limited to: a minor when Kurt is an adult, an old man who lured him on a date under false pretenses, or his actual stepbrother. OTPs!!

Whatever the case is, I'm glad things have mellowed out. Blaine never deserved the hate and I'm glad he's getting the love he deserves now

But also fr these people just have brain rot??? Kurt was one of my faves from the start and I was still so so happy when Blaine came along, I was here for all of it. Idk maybe it's bc I binged s1? Maybe watching it week by week is what altered their brain chemistry and made them decide Kurt would be better off romantically and sexually linked with Rachel over Blaine. I guess we'll never know. Probably for the best

#glee #lol glee #klaine #asks #my thoughts #long post #anonymous

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collectivecloseness · 11 months

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Actually yk what, I just googled some stuff, so spree isn't a 100% copy of what happened but just loosely based on a dude, bc I was confused on how you would do a prequel to the movie bc you'd have to go strictly after what he says in the videos bc you can't just ask a Dead dude what he did before that(also the guy is in fact not dead, he's in prison) but yeah anyways they could actually go nuts with what happened before the spree but that would probably not be a good idea, like you can't just go and make a movie about a guy going on a killing spree(which is based on someone irl) and then see that people loved it and do another one of him just being silly(like the side eyes they'd get, especially from the people on twitter, like they'd get pulverised)

Anyways, sorry if I came of as rude in the last ask, I don't really know how but ywah anyways I just sound like that i guess, but it really was just like a question I guess?

Also, I'm highly scared now that I sounded rude again bc I really didn't mean to be and it eating me alive rn

Yeah Spree is based on a bunch of different stuff, and of course original content, but they’d never base it on just one actual murderer and case, and then make a fun film about it, no one would want that.

Like I was seeing multiple parallels to things when I first watched, and I even saw something literally two days ago where the comments were like oh I wonder if this partly inspired Spree (nothing murder related though). It’s just like any piece of media that’s trying to say something, it’ll be based on a lot of past things including tragedies. Like part of the films message is hey fame and parasocial relationships aren’t everything, and people can lose their humanity chasing clout, and don’t be a fame hungry loser like this guy who’s going on a suicide mission and to hurt a bunch of people only to still crave the people calling him slurs and derogatory things because they’re still numbers. He is a loser. Don’t be him y’all. Anything with a societal message will have even light bases from actual tragedies. Like there’s no telling a story saying ‘hey society’s fucked up rn’ without society having been fucked up in that way in the past. With so many examples it’s not at all hard to pinpoint exactly who Kurt is as a character straight away, and what the films message is.

There’s a bunch of things you could do for a prequel. Kurt Kunkle isn’t based on anyone specifically. He’s his own character. If you wanted to do a prequel about him being an awkward loser and trying to get famous, showing his life and how he got to the point he was in Spree, maybe including a killing or two in his backstory, or showing some of his dark side coming out before his planned spree killing, expanding his character, and showing how he inevitably got to the point of being a monster and dead, you could easily do something like that. I think any plot most people would be happy with, because a lot of fans would just love to see Joe Keery reprise his role as Kurt Kunkle again no matter what. You could literally throw Joe Keery into a room and tell him to do Kurt and it would be a masterpiece, because he’s so good at the character, and a lot of it is his own, and people love the film for that.

You’re supposed to like Kurt. Not agree with what he’s doing, but even a little, especially before the end where he’s become/revealed to be more dark and monstrous and consumed by his need for fame, you are meant to like his character. Which is why they start off with him killing a white supremacist as well, but not before he tells him off. That’s why they got Joe Keery, who’s very well liked, to play him, and why he’s such a magnetic and good character, and why he’s the protagonist of the film. Like almost everything is from his POV, he’s narrating to the audience, you get his backstory (inc in a draw my life), you’re supposed to be rooting for him and also the victims bc he’s like an anti-hero/villain protag, and that’s how those characters work.

Also, the film is a fun film, it’s a popcorn film, you’re supposed to enjoy it, and at least somewhat like the main character who the film pretty much entirely relies on to be a good film, considering how the protag is the focus of pretty much every single scene, and there’s few recurring characters/ones with substance apart from him. Not enjoy his actions, but him as a character, not necessarily a person. There’s a massive difference between a character and a person. But give the person enough traits likeable to an audience as well, because you need that for a protag. Of course you like Kurt a bit. I mean irl you don’t agree with all his crimes you commit, but you might think of him as your silly and skrunkly blorbo that you want to look at fics about to experience more of his character.

Films are supposed to be enjoyed. And again, it’s not based on just one real life murderer. If people enjoy your film so much they wanted a sequel that is not a bad thing. It’s a fun film, with a fun protag, and the first one wouldn’t have been made if it was solely based on one real life event only, and wouldn’t have been made in a more lighthearted way. So a sequel would be no different. If it had been making light of just one real life murderer as it’s only source material, people would already be in uproar on the first film, never mind a conceptualised sequel, but it’s not.

That’s okay, thank you, I’m glad there was no hard feelings or anything. I just haven’t gotten hate on this account yet so we’re not about to start lmao. I’m glad there was no ill intent, so don’t worry about it kay? No harm done :) I promise I’m actually nice and you don’t need to be afraid to ask questions haha, I was just worried there was some passive aggressiveness there, but I’m glad it’s all been cleared up, we’re good dw <3

#kurt kunkle #kurtsworld96 #cc chats #spree 2020 #ask #anon

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cancerjupiter · 3 years

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moon placements: random observations

1st house

you have an almost overwhelming need to care and protect other people. you usually have a sensitive digestive system, easily upset by junk food. in people with uteruses, your period is likely worse than usual. in men, the mother/child relationship is usually complex, and needs a good deal of patience from both sides.

2nd house

you need security and don’t function well without it. a low bank account balance sets you into panic and obsessive anxiety. that’s when your imagination runs wild and does all the worrying for you. ironically, despite this need for security, you lose money wayyy too easily. you’re a softie for all kinds of needy people, especially friends.

3rd house

you need the world to know just how you feel about everything important to you, and you probably spend more time on social media than most. not only do you need constant touch with friends, you also want to spread your ideas amongst the widest possible audience. you find it easier to communicate your feelings in any situation, and this can be both a blessing and a curse.

4th house

a good, secure, loving family is of utmost importance to you. if your domestic life is bad, your health responds worse than most people (and it usually effects every other area of your life). my mom has this, and she has a terrible time letting her children go out into the world, as much as she claims she doesn’t (she’s also a cancer moon which. whew). she is also resentful of any independence, or anything she considers ungratefulness for her love and protection. there’s an excessive worry about our well-being, and it’s quite suffocating and emotionally manipulative to live with that.

5th house

you’re quite eager to start a family, and taking care of children is usually your specialty. you instinctively know how to build a good relationship with them, and know well when to cling and when to let go. this is also the house of sexual love, which means sex is more about your partner’s pleasure than your own.

6th house

this placement has a potent effect on your well-being. you should develop good health habits as soon as possible, and try not to engage in any kind of drugs (no, not even weed or alcohol) for to you it is more harmful than in most people (see Mac Miller). under stress, you could also develop some kind of eating disorder. maintaining healthy habits might be easier with an earth moon.

7th house

at best, this placement causes you to be a spendid lover and partner. at worst, it can cause such dependence on the other that you might think you’re one! you’re not!! this can suffocate your partner and shrink your amazing personality.

8th house

a good romantic relationship is usually founded in strong feelings during sex, of which you are more than willing to express. complete trust in your partner is vital to your personal happiness. as often is the case when people have intense sexualities, jealousy can be a problem for you.

9th house

you probably have difficulty concentrating in any task at hand, and disciplined thought just isn’t for you. like no matter how much you want to concentrate, it’s impossible. truth is, your judgement is often clouded by your emotions, so if you can’t connect emotionally with the subject, you can’t bother. it’s not a conscious thing.

10th house

what you don’t hear about this placement is how sympathetic and understanding they are. these people are always loved and admired (even idolized; see John Lennon, Kurt Cobain, Gandhi, etc). you spend a good deal of emotion on behalf of others, trying to understand their problems and doing your best to help. you need change and variety in your career, and are the type of person who can handle almost anything.

11th house

wow what a mass of emotional contradiction. on one hand, you’re likely part of a warm and close group; on the other hand, you can’t really open up and be at ease with many people. or you are someone who may desperately long for love and closeness, but can’t allow yourself to be vulnerable. and even if you find that kind of love you crave, you can’t accept it unconditionally and happily. you should open up to people and ask for help more.

12th house

you should stop rushing about and make time to be alone, no matter how extroverted you are. you need time for constructive solitude. this need for withdrawal comes from the core of your personality. if you don’t practice being happily alone once in a while, you’ll use escapist tendencies to feed your inner needs (including drug use).

#astrology #moon in the houses #moon in the 1st house #moon in 2nd house #moon in the 3rd house #moon in the 4th house #moon in the 5th house #moon in the 6th house #moon in the 7th house #moon in the 8th house #moon in the 9th #moon in the 10th #moon in the 11th house #moon in the 12th house

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holdoncallfailed · 2 years

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i’d love to hear more of your thoughts on kurt / nirvana & the mythology surrounding him. the way you word things make me compelled to read more (that’s why i’m sending this ask!).

well, i think it's a lot of things. i think all celebrity is a kind of myth-making, and that's especially true in the case of celebrities who die very young because then you have an even more finite version of what is fundamentally a limited relationship between yourself and someone you don't really know. with kurt he was aware of that myth as it was being created about him in real time even as it was so at odds with the ideals he held as a person, and that troubled him a lot. i don't think he was a political genius or anything but he did have an understanding of his privilege as a white male celebrity and was able to articulate it far better (in his own way) than many other people in his position at the time.

i'm intrigued by his fixation on viscera, like blood and guts and bodies—i like when artists have obvious motifs and fixations throughout their work (hockney's swimming pools) because i also have aesthetic obsessions like that. i do think in kurt's case his fixation on the body/dissection thereof was informed by how extremely ill he was for most of his life—he started using heroin as a way of coping with a debilitating and seemingly incurable stomach ailment, and i do believe that both his addiction and chronic illness are why he committed suicide. i think it's tempting to paint him as like some drugged-up, tortured-by-inner-demons archetypal artist, and i'm not saying he wasn't to an extent, but it's interesting and sad to me how the very real facts of his life—that he was physically ill and there was no diagnosis and therefore no real cure—don't get included in that narrative, maybe because they're so obvious and unglamorous. somehow it's easier for people to believe that courtney killed him than it is to acknowledge the existence of chronic illness and the failures of modern medicine. (i also have a chronic GI illness that went undiagnosed for years and has caused me a tremendous amount of grief so that's compelling to me on a personal level too.)

there's also his complex relationship with gender and his own masculinity—there are a lot of places in his journals and early song drafts where he expresses discomfort with/dislike of being a man or identifying more strongly with womanhood. it's heartbreaking to read on its own because his tone is all very anxious and sort of angry and then even sadder when again you remember his legacy as the last male rockstar and how many annoying dudes still worship him to this day. i think it's crude to speculate as to what identifiers might apply to a person who died before they had access to that kind of language, but if he had lived...who knows what conclusions he might have drawn about himself.

i also admit that as someone who has been suicidal for years i am weirdly endeared (?!?!) to artists who killed themselves. i'd rather not talk about that at length on a public forum because it feels...incriminating? or something lol. i don't want to offend anybody. tbh it's probably as terrible as it sounds but it is not an insignificant part of why i'm compelled by him, sorry.

anyway i'm not claiming to be an expert on him or nirvana by any means—this is just based on a little research as well as having read his diaries and listened to his music. i guess that's also why he's interesting to me, because i don't actually know THAT much about him or nirvana in general. though maybe that's the heart of the intrigue for me too as i said. he's a tragic figure in the classical sense of the term and that's the crux of it really.

#Anonymous #this is so long i'm so sorry fhdjdgdjdgd #kurt cobain #suicide 01010283948

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spaceorphan18 · 2 years

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I was reading the Chris, Darren acting debate now and while I love them both I respectfully disagree with the nonny on one thing. Chris had a character created for him, based on him, I remember Kevin mentioning the fact he was really shocked when he met Chris the first time and he told him "I'm auditioning for a character written for me". Chris felt Kurt he "knew" Kurt. Darren didn't know Blaine. He was given scarce directions and no reasons for a lot of things Blaine was doing. (continue).

Still me. Also another huge difference is that Chris was not afraid to go to the writers and say "WTF this is not what Kurt would do". Darren had already some TV experience and was desperate to keep the job therefore most of the times he would just say "ok" and do exactly what was requested for him to do. He would go to ask for advice but would not go and say "I don't think Blaine should do this" and being an actress myself I can see why. You don't want to have the writers against you.

Sorry this is becoming really long. Any case, this is also the reason why he put less and less of him in Blaine. He ended up following strictly the script, if he was not ok with a decision (ex. the cheating) he would apologize to the fans but would not go to the writers and complain. Darren can act, he showed it clearly in the Versace series, but Blaine was changed so many times that doing a character work on him was impossible, at that point you can only stick to the script and follow it.

I feel like, when this kind of subject comes up, people's passions truly come out. I think there are these blanket statements made that such as Chris hated glee and that's why his acting was horrible in Season 5 or Season 2 Blaine was just Darren that bring people out to want to defend the more complicated nature of reality.

And I'm not exempt (clearly) I want to jump in there, too, and be like - stop looking at this in black and white, there's a lot of grey you're not taking in account for. It gets us all in a tizzy and we (myself included) end up having the same conversations we've had a dozen times over.

So I feel ya, Nonny. I really do. <3

But just to add my two cents onto your thoughts...

-It's a misnomer that Kurt was 100% created because Chris walked into that room. In the Pilot script, there was a character named Rajeesh who was pretty much Kurt in every way save name (and probably race). After the writers discovered Chris's talent, they reworked an already created character to be more akin to Chris's background.

But this new character Kurt was not a Chris. He, if anything, was Ryan Murphy as a child. Chris, however, because he was in the pilot, and all of the kids were allowed to kind of take the time to establish these characters, was allowed to cultivate his own take on the character. Because he was so background, Chris was allowed freedoms that other characters moving forward did not get.

I just wanted to dispel this myth that Chris walked into the room and 'boom' Kurt was born. It didn't quite work like that - though I understand the sentiment you're going for. <3

-Blaine, however, had a little more focus on him as the character grew. Darren didn't have the luxury of getting to build up Blaine as a background character, or having the lengthy bit of time to work with him before his character popped up on screen and was thrust into the spotlight.

-I may disagree a little that Darren didn't know who Blaine was. I think he did -- I think it was the writers who didn't know what Blaine was going to be and kind of kept trying things out until they settled on the Blaine we got comfortable with from Season 4 onward.

-I think in your second two paragraphs, I may push back on them a little -- because I think you may be painting things with too much of a broad stroke, and while I totally get where you're coming from, I think it's a little more complicated than what you've stated up above. (Please take this in the friendly manner I'm offering and not as an attack on your thoughts or anything <3)

First to consider are Chris and Darren having different personalities. Early on, yes, Chris did stand up for Kurt a lot, because yes, that's who Chris is. But I think it's important to remember that they were often on a smaller level -- like getting a line changed. Chris wasn't able to control major movements for Kurt -- especially the big one that BOTH he and Darren agreed on - not wanting Kurt and Blaine to get married so young.

Meanwhile, like I said before, once Darren settled into playing Blaine, and the writers figured out who he was, he became more consistent. But I think there was a shift after The Break Up. We all know that Darren is a pleaser, and we've all seen him talk about how if he was going back now he'd be a little more vocal about things relating to his character. I can't say how it was before The Break Up, but I get the sense that Blaine cheating, to Darren, took the character in a direction that he didn't have a full handle on anymore. And after that, he went along for the ride without questioning much, because the character ultimately wasn't his, and at the end of the day it's his job, not himself in his own life.

***

I think, as a general thought - not necessarily tied up with this ask, at the end of the day, we don't fully know what was going on because none of us were there, and we don't know these people personally. So, we're never really going to know outside of what the people creating the thing choose to tell us.

And I think it's best to remember -- was Glee perfect? No, it wasn't. And the more you look and study and examine a thing, the more you're going to see the cracks in it. No piece of artwork is going to uphold under such a microscope. These conversations can be fun - but the amount of online wars over it has been ridiculous at best and cumbersome and exhausting at worst.

Sometimes, there's no real answer - we either like the thing or we don't, and we just have to accept that and move on.

#that's how s.o. sees it #thanks for the convo nonny! :)

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brokehorrorfan · 3 years

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Book Review: Underexposed! The 50 Greatest Movies Never Made

For every movie that makes it to the screen, there are countless others that never see the light of day. In Abrams Books' Underexposed! The 50 Greatest Movies Never Made, author Joshua Hull chronicles the ill-fated history of 50 movies that failed to come to fruition. The unique journeys - some were mere pitches, others were developed to varying extents, and a few even entered production - coupled with the reasons why they failed to come to fruition - from creative differences to budgetary concerns - provide a fascinating look at the challenging world of filmmaking.

It's frustrating that many of these promising projects came so close to reaching viewers (case in point: Guillermo Del Toro's $150 million adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's cosmic horror opus At the Mountains of Madness starring Tom Cruise), although there are a few that are probably best left unseen. (Did we really need The Lord of the Rings starring The Beatles or A Clockwork Orange starring The Rolling Stones?) Many of the movies were highly publicized in the internet age (like Neill Blomkamp's Alien legacy sequel), while others are more obscure (such as William Friedkin's Jack the Ripper with Anthony Hopkins or a David Lynch comedy starring Martin Short and Steve Martin). But in all cases, the "What if?" of it all is fascinating.

Underexposed would be a worthy addition to any cinephile's bookshelf regardless, but the addition of original artwork makes it worthy of a coveted coffee table display. With the assistance of PosterSpy, a different artist was commissioned to create a full-page poster for each of the 50 essays. The impressive and diverse lineup of talent includes Scott Saslow, Matt Talbot, Liza Shumskaya, Sam Coyle, Tom Coupland, Ben Turner, Mark Levy, Bella Grace, Julien Rico Jr, Si Heard, Chris Garofalo, and more.

Filmmaker Fred Dekker (The Monster Squad, Night of the Creeps) provides a foreword in which he gives a glimpse into his first unmade movie: a Johnny Quest adaptation. He also discusses Shadow Company (detailed later in the book), an action-horror film he wrote with John Carpenter on board to direct and Kurt Russell in mind to star. His takeaways are that most movies don't get made, and if they do they bear little resemblance to the original vision. Hull also pens a brief introduction in which he explains that, as a no-budget filmmaker in Indiana, the book is the result of the old adage "write what you know."

It may not offer any new insight, as the content is gleaned from public information, but Underexposed is a convenient resource with concise overviews that span only a few pages. The essays are broken down into four screenplay-inspired sections: Fade In (setting up the background), Flashback (providing context on the project and filmmaker), Action (detailing on the development), and Cut (exploring why it failed and what became of it). Far from reading a Wikipedia entry, Hull's casual, snark-tinged tone makes the 252-page book an easy read.

Horror fans will be delighted - and heartbroken - to read about a sixth Nightmare on Elm Street installment written by Peter Jackson (which could still work as a revival of the franchise); Alfred Hitchcock’s boundary-pushing Kaleidoscope told from a serial killer's point of view; Quentin Tarantino's remake of the Lucio Fulci giallo The Psychic; a concept for Jason vs. Cheech and Chong from the director of Friday the 13th Part VI; Joe Dante's surreal tribute to Roger Corman with Colin Firth as the B-movie maven; an attempt at Batman vs. Godzilla in the wake of King Kong vs. Godzilla’s success; and more. They're not all horror, but a large percentage of the 50 films covered are genre titles.

Several of the essays are accompanied by sidebars that touch on related unmade films, either by the same filmmaker or based on the same property. Hull smartly relegates two unmade films that each have a documentary's worth of information readily available - Tim Burton's Superman Returns and Alejandro Jodorowsky's June - to the sidebar, but many others are worthy of their own essays and artwork. With no shortage of material to pull from, I would love to see Hull, PosterSpy, and Abrams re-team for a sequel.

Underexposed! The 50 Greatest Movies Never Made is available now in hardcover and e-book via Abrams Books.

#underexposed #posterspy #horror #fred dekker #book #gift #article #review #book review #joshua hull #john carpenter #alien #a nightmare on elm street #friday the 13th #godzilla

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365days365movies · 3 years

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February 18, 2021: The Danish Girl (Review)

Before I go into ANYTHING else...let’s talk about the actual Danish Girl, Lili Elbe, or Lili Ilse Elvenes.

Oh, uh, full warning, this is gonna be LONG, so skip to the bottom if you’re just here for the Review! OK, history time!

Now, what the film The Danish Girl notes about the beginning of the transition is pretty spot-on, from what I can tell. After marrying portrait painter Gerda Gottlieb in 1904, the two lived in Italy and France before moving to Paris in 1912. Yeah, that’s over 14 years before they’re shown doing so in the movie. Inaccuracy #1. In 1908 (here comes number 2), Elbe (Einar at the time) painted this portrait of trees along a fjord in Denmark.

Yeah, NOT in 1926, as the film says. But, yeah, that’s a nitpick, I recognize that. Anyway, the revelation came when model Anna Larssen (not “Ulla”, which is Inaccuracy #3) was late, and Gerda asked Elbe to fill in. When Larssen eventually showed up, she suggested the name “Lili”. Basically, this scene from the movie was pretty goddamn accurate.

Except for the dates, anyway. Because while the movie mostly takes place around 1926 and afterwards, this probably happened closer to 1920, in Paris. So, yeah, Lili spent a LOT more time as Lili in real life. Additionally, Lili was pretty goddamn public about the whole thing, inviting guests and hosting parties as herself, rather than as Einar. At the same time, Gerda was getting pretty goddamn famous for her paintings of Lili, like this one.

Which, yeah, are really good! Also, they were considered lesbian erotica by many! YEAH! And here’s a fun fact: Gerda may not have been straight-up straight. Yeah, the film and the book (we’ll get there) kind of ignored the fact that their marriage was annulled by the Danish government, not by the two of them. Inaccuracy #4. Now, obviously, their relationship ended, and Lili ended up getting together with a man (we’ll get there, too), but there are a LOT of unanswered questions about Gerda’s sexuality, and views of sexuality (which is barely hinted at in the “male gaze” speech in the beginning).

After the annulment, the two just...drifted apart. Their relationship dissolved, and the details on that are fuzzy. By 1930, Lili was headed on a completely different path. She wasn’t a painter like Einar (and it turns out that she thought of them as two entirely separate people, like two souls living in the same body, which the movie got mostly right), and she was mostly unsatisfied with her career, life, and other things. And that is where Drs. Erwin Gohrbandt and Magnus Hirschfeld come in, NOT Kurt Warnerkros...yet. He’d come in for the other five (YES FIVE) surgeries, but wouldn’t be involved with the first. Inaccuracy #5, and also #6, while we’re at it! See, the film would make you think that Lili was the first complete gender reassignment surgery, but she was actually the second. The first would be Dora Richter, in a procedure that was performed by Dr. Hirschfeld from 1922 - 1931. YEAH. BIG-ASS INACCURACY THERE. Here’s Dora, by the way:

Anyway, Lili had her first procedure, to remove the testicles, performed in 1930. In the same year, the divorce between Lili and Gerda was finalized, and Lili legally changed her name. Two more procedures were performed, the first to implant an ovary, and the second to remove the penis and scrotum. Inaccuracy #7, by the way. And, hey, let’s go for number 8! Let’s talk about Henrik, a dude who didn’t exist. He and Hans were both very loosely based on an art dealer named Claude Lejeune.

Claude was an art dealer (there’s the Hans part), and was indeed in love with Lili. They got together around early 1931, and he’d actually been in love with her for a good, long time. He proposed to marry Lili, and she accepted, also hoping that the two would be able to have children together. But to do that, it was believed that Lili would need a uterus. And, obviously, having children would be MILES more complicated than that in basically EVERY way, but this was early in medical science’s understanding of some of that biology.

In any case, however, Lili would need both a uterus and a vagina to feel whole. And so, the fourth surgery was scheduled. And she had that surgery in 1931, a couple of weeks after Dora Richter successfully had the same surgery performed. But, sadly, Lili wouldn’t be so lucky.

Lili’s body rejected the uterus, and while transplant rejections of any kind wouldn’t necessarily be fatal now, they definitely were back then. They attempted to remove it, but that subsequent 5th surgery caused infection, which caused a fatal heart attack three months later. Lili Elbe died on September 13, 1931, at the age of FORTY-EIGHT. Yeah, Inaccuracy #9.

By the way, you may be wondering: what about Dora Richter, the first successful person to get these surgeries? Well, she disappeared...in Germany...as the Nazis were coming into power...yeah. Fuckin’ YIKES.

And so, that’s the true story of Lili Elbe. And there are far more differences than that, I’m sure, but those 9 inaccuracies aren’t insignificant, that’s for sure. Although, it probably doesn’t help that the movie was based on a fictionalized book.

Oh, uh...did I not mention that? Yeah, this movie is based on The Danish Girl, by David Ebershoff, which means that this film is essentially a cinematic game of telephone. Which, uh...not great. Granted, Ebershoof made some other...interesting changes, which the film didn’t inherit. In the book, for example, Gerda is named Greta, and is American? Um...why? I dunno, it’s kind of weird. Oh, and that’s not including one more issue with the movie. But, you’ve waited long enough, huh? Recap of the film is here and here if you wanna check that out! Let’s get to the Review already!

Review

Cast and Acting: 8/10

I am...conflicted. So let me start here by saying that the acting in the film in and of itself is fantastic, all-around. Not a weak actor in here, that’s for sure. Let’s start with the side-roles, for once. Ben Whishaw, Matthias Schoenaerts, and Amber Heard are all good. Heard’s accent is a little shaky, but they’re still all solid performances. OK, how about Alicia Vikander? She’s great! And she won the Oscar for...Best Supporting Actress. Um...wait...Supporting? But not Best Actress? Uh...OK. That’s a little weird, let’s be honest here. But, Alicia Vikander did deserve that win over...oooooooh, Rooney Mara in Carol? Maybe not...damn.

And OK...let’s get into the elephant in the room, huh?

Eddie Redmayne is fantastic as Einar Wegener/Lili Eber, and I genuinely think he had a great shot to win Best Actor...but, yeah, Leonardo DiCaprio definitely deserved it, I think that goes without saying. Hell, that year had a SOLID line-up for best actor. And Redmayne had even won it the year before for The THeory of Everything, another biography where he played Stephen Hawking. But ALL of that said...HNNNNNNNNNG, there should have been a transgender actor cast in this role, ideally. Now, I’m fully aware how difficult that would be, as Hollywood isn’t extraordinarily diverse in terms of including trans actors in massive mainstream projects. It’s better now, but it’s nowhere near ideal. But if anybody knows an actor who would’ve fit this role and performed it well, I’m DEFINITELY interested. So, despite that controversy, Redmayne was pretty goddamn great in this role. But, uh...that doesn’t mean everything is perfect...

Plot and Writing: 5/10

OK, that seems low, I know. But it’s pretty goddamn damning that this movie was based off of a heavily fictionalized book instead of the actual life story of Lili Eber and Gerda Gottlieb. And because of that, there are not only some missed opportunities, but some straight-up damning inaccuracies. That’s a set of pretty poor decisions, I tell you what. Not sure why Lucinda Coxon came to that decision when adapting this screenplay, but it wasn’t exactly nominated for Best Screenplay. And the writing certainly isn’t bad, but it is...overly saccharine sometimes, especially for a film based (loosely) on a true story. I dunno...just not the best set of choices here, sorry to say.

Directing and Cinematography: 8/10

Tom Hooper shouldn’t direct musicals. However, since this wasn’t a musical, directing and cinematography here is pretty damn good! Real talk, this is a gorgeous looking movie, and the way shots are framed are fantastic. Perfect? Weeeeeeeell...given the fact that painting is a main focus of the film, for both Gerda and Einar, there should’ve been more painter-quality shots in here, I think. And while the cinematography by Danny Cohen is pretty fantastic, I can’t say that it’s perfect. Still, in terms of lighting and general skill, it’s still quite a good looking movie.

Production and Art Design: 10/10

But the deficiencies in the direction are EASILY compensated for by the production design! Like, hot DAMN, this is a good looking movie, like I said! That goes from the construction of the sets, to the gorgeous outfits all over the place, especially Lili’s outfits. Some iconic pieces of wardrobe there, that’s for sure! But if I have ONE complaint...this movie never once felt like the 1920s. Yup, good old anachronistic complaints from me again! Yeah, I’ll change the record one of these days, I promise. But even with that, it’s hard to ignore just how good this movie looks, to be honest. It’s just...gorgeous.

Music and Editing: 8/10

As I type this, I’m listening to a track of the film on YouTube, and it is a beautifully delicate tune. I’m not sure that I’d be able to associate it with the film if presented to me on its own, but it’s definitely a nice track to listen to by itself. Playlist worthy? For somebody, almost certainly, but not for me. One of these days, a film like that’s gonna pop up, I swear. But for now, Alexandre Desplat and his score are gonna stay off my iPhone. This really is a nice score, though, I promise. Editing by Melanie Ann Oliver is pretty good as well, and I’ve no complaints about it, to be honest. Overall, this side of things was quite nice, if not the most notable thing I’ve ever seen or heard.

I might have been a little harsh, but it’s still got an 78%.

This is a good movie, but...I dunno, the inaccuracies do bug me. Hell, there are WAY more than what I’d mentioned, and I mentioned a lot. Not to mention the other glaring issue: no trans people at any stage of the production? Really? No script consultants, no writers, no NTOHING? That’s...egregiously bad. Like, holy shit, guys. And, yes, this includes Redmayne, because even though he performed admirably in the role...I dunno. I’m no expert on ANY of this, as a cissexual dude with cissexual experience, but it feels a little...reductive, is all. Like I said, if any other actors have been suggested for this role, I’d love to know. The whole thing feels...I don’t know, just not great.

And by the way, that’s without even TOUCHING the question as to whether or not this film is authentic to the trans experience. Again, I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA, but I’ve also heard that this film isn’t universally acclaimed in the trans community, so to speak. And I’m definitely interested in the reasons for that. All I know is this: from the perspective of a complete outsider, I was intrigued by this films view of the transgender experience, specifically as seen in the earliest days of those realizations happening and being publicly known and reported on. And that’s all I can really comment on, in truth.

WHOOF. That was a goddamn topic, huh? And now, I’m going to continue on the the month of romance with...wait, the 19th is my 5-year anniversary with my GF, pictured here:

Ravishing. Anyway, I think I’ll let her pick from my choices for this next one. Hold on a sec...OK, then. Sing it with me now! AND DO I DREEEEEAM AGAAAAIN, FOR NOW I FIIIIIIIIIIIIIND...

February 19, 2021: The Phantom of the Opera (2004)

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spacetimewithstuartgary · 2 years

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Scientists determine comet delivery to Moon Southwest Research Institute scientists joined a team that reanalyzed and modeled data from a planned lunar impact more than a decade ago. The findings suggest that volatiles present in a crater near the Moon's south pole were likely delivered by a comet. Volatiles are chemical elements and compounds that can be readily vaporized and, in this case, were stabilized in ice lurking in this permanently shaded region. The SwRI-led LAMP (Lyman-Alpha Mapping Project) instrument aboard NASA's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter (LRO) had a bird's eye view when its launch vehicle's spent upper stage intentionally struck the Moon's Cabeus crater in 2009. LRO and the Lunar CRater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS) launched together and monitored the plumes of materials ejected into the atmosphere in this planned experiment to excavate and understand the origin and evolution of volatiles in this inky crater. "The new research indicates that the crater materials are not volcanic in origin and are best explained by cometary impact delivery," said SwRI's Dr. Kurt Retherford, LAMP principal investigator. "Ruling out volcanic sources could mean that the top three meters of regolith in the Cabeus crater are younger than previously thought, probably less than a billion years old." LCROSS and LRO were designed to be the vanguard of NASA's return to the Moon. The upcoming Artemis missions will return to the Moon, using innovative technologies to explore the lunar surface and collaborate with commercial and international partners to ultimately establish the first long-term presence at the Moon's south pole. "As humans prepare to return to the Moon, we have an unprecedented opportunity to make measurements in Cabeus and other PSRs to characterize the elemental and isotopic composition of lunar volatiles as a function of depth," said Dr. Kathleen Mandt of the Johns Hopkins University's Applied Physics Laboratory. Mandt is the lead author of a paper published in Nature Communications about this research. "Studying these potential lunar resources not only supports expanded human exploration, but also helps us to understand the history of the Earth-Moon system." For more than a decade, LAMP has searched for surface ice and frost in the polar regions, providing images of permanently shadowed regions illuminated only by starlight and the glow of an interplanetary hydrogen emission known as the Lyman-alpha line. LAMP data has helped characterize water and other molecules on the Moon. "Water is considered an important resource because when you split water molecules, you end up with oxygen and hydrogen, critical components for breathable air and rocket fuel," Retherford said. "The rest of the volatiles could be important resources, as well." The most likely sources of the volatiles investigated were volcanic outgassing, comet or micrometeoroid impacts, or surface chemistry initiated by solar wind particles. For this research, the team looked at plumes of materials measured by LCROSS and LAMP and what they revealed about the composition of volatiles in the regolith. Many factors influence how these volatiles are integrated into surface ices, including temperature, depth and cycles of sublimation and recondensation. To simplify the analysis and eliminate as many influences as possible, the team compared the elemental composition of the volatiles to that of the potential sources, evaluating abundances of four elements—hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen and sulfur—as they relate to carbon. "Based on the ratios measured and the composition of comets, such as Rosetta spacecraft measurements of Comet 67P, comets are likely the primary source of these volatiles," said Dr. Lizeth Magaña, a recent graduate of the University of Texas at San Antonio-SwRI doctorate of physics and astronomy program who recently joined JHUAPL. "Impact gardening, a term referring to impacts that churn and enrich the uppermost regolith of moons and other airless bodies, is perhaps the next most important contributor for seeding the Cabeus crater with volatiles. With all the various sources to consider, ruling out the internal volcanic source with this study helps a lot." Mandt, a LAMP coinvestigator, was also a UTSA graduate and SwRI researcher prior to joining JHUAPL in 2017. LCROSS launched with LRO aboard an Atlas V rocket from Cape Canaveral, Florida, on June 18, 2009, and used the Centaur upper stage rocket to create the debris plume. LCROSS was managed by Ames and built by Northrop Grumman in Redondo Beach, California. LRO was built and is managed by Goddard. IMAGE....SwRI scientists joined a team that reanalyzed and modeled materials ejected by an impact into the Moon's Cabeus crater a decade ago. The new findings suggest that volatile materials in the permanently shaded region near the lunar south pole were likely delivered by a comet. Credit: USGS

#space #science #Astronomy #physics #news #moon #comet

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esperantoauthor · 3 years

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Senior year Klaine!!! Applying for colleges! (Or you could just put some headcanons of how that year would go).

Hi Jas! This ask is literally 7 months old but I have every confidence that you still remember sending it because that is kind of your thing. I finally got inspired to pick back up the scene I had written and finish this off. It was a joy to write in this universe again for a little bit; thank you for sending this in when I invited people to send in prompts for scenes from the Express Yourself Verse. Without further ado...

Title: Applying to College [bonus content for the Express Yourself Universe] Author: Esperanto Length: 1,404 words 📚 Read it on Ao3 or below 📚

“You and Kurt talk much about college?” Burt asked conversationally as he handed Blaine a tire iron.

Blaine grasped the handle of the tool. “Some. I, uh, uh, I —don’t want to influ—to effect his de-de-decision so I haven’t shared my list yet.”

“Oh.”

Mr. Hummel looked disappointed. This confused Blaine, whose own parents had given him stern lectures about not throwing away his dreams for some high school boyfriend who, statistically, wasn’t going to be his forever partner anyways. Yes, his father had research to back up his point, as always.

“It’s irresponsible to choose a college based on where your boyfriend is going,” his father had lectured him.

“But he’s the love of-of-of my life,” Blaine had countered.

“Then your relationship will be strong enough to survive a little separation.”

His mother, always with the softer touch, had added, “You are just so young, sweetie, that’s all. You don’t want to limit yourself. It’s the responsible choice.”

They had worn him down in the end. He didn’t always agree with his parents but he knew they had his best interests at heart and as much as he was loath to admit it, he was young. There was a lot he didn’t know about life. College was a big deal and he didn’t want to screw it up by making an irresponsible decision.

But now, it seemed that following his parents’ advice meant disappointing Mr. Hummel. Blaine felt like he couldn’t win.

“So, how many colleges are you applying to?”

“I’ve got, uh, five applications —submitted but I’m not d-done yet.”

Blaine hoped his answer was good enough for Mr. Hummel. What if Kurt has applied to way more? Do I seem behind? I haven’t missed any deadlines.

“Is that, uh, a lot to apply to or… what’s the usual number?” Kurt’s usually confident father looked at Blaine with uncertainty in his eyes.

“Oh, I mean it, uh, it depends but I think like —five to eight is good.”

Burt fell into a plastic lawn chair and made a frustrated grunt. “I knew it!”

“Uh, you kn-knew what?”

“That Kurt doesn’t know any more about this than I do. I thought they had guidance—that’s what they’re called, right?— counselors at that school of yours. Aren’t they supposed to tell him this kind of stuff?”

“Um, they-they-they do, b-but no one has to talk to them. I...what do you m-mean he doesn’t know any more than, uh, y-you do?” Blaine asked, feeling deeply confused. Mr. Hummel was an adult, of course he knew more than them.

“Never went.”

“I...I ne-never realized. Not-not-not that it m-matters, of course!” Blaine felt his cheeks start to flush with embarrassment. Way to assume, Blaine!

“Got a job right out of high school, did the certification course at the junior college, and then I got real lucky that my boss decided to retire and wanted to pass on the business to someone he trusted. Can you do me a favor, kiddo?”

“Of course,” Blaine replied earnestly.

“Talk to Kurt about all this college stuff. He needs your help.”

“Um, o-okay.”

“Good.”

—

Blaine wasn’t sure how to bring up the topic without being heavy-handed but an opportunity presented itself to him just a few days later.

Kurt and Rachel strode into the cafeteria with their arms linked and matching smirks of self-satisfacts plastered across their faces; it was times like these that Blaine thought they could be siblings.

Blaine leaned in to accept the cheek kiss Kurt offered and then raised an expectant eyebrow, knowing that neither Kurt nor Rachel needed much prompting to spill when they were this excited.

Tina was not as patient. “Well?”

Kurt and Rachel turned to face one another before saying in unison, “We found our college!”

“It’s called NYADA,” Kurt added, face glowing with excitement. He pressed a colorful brochure into Blaine’s hands. “Please tell me you’ll apply too, Blaine!”

“Oh, I, uh… l-let me take a… look but, I mean, I p-p-p-probably, sure.” Blaine felt a bit flustered at being asked such a big question on the spot. Kurt’s gaze softened, clearly realizing what was happening and he gave Blaine’s thigh a comforting squeeze under the table.

“The deadline isn’t for another six weeks, so there’s plenty of time. Here, you hang on to this; I have more copies.”

That night, Blaine dutifully read through the brochure and researched the school online. His boyfriend, as always, had impeccable taste; it was clearly a top notch performing arts college. But the more he read, the more worried he became

He needed to talk to Kurt.

—

“Kurt, can we, um, um, well, can we talk about… about NYADA?”

“Sure! Did you read the flyer? Isn’t it just perfection?” Kurt clapped his hands against his thighs and bit his lip in excitement. Blaine swallowed thickly, thinking about how to do this without completely taking the wind out of Kurt’s sails.

“—Totally. The list of-of-of famous alumni alone was enough to, uh, convince me. Kurt, I would—I would love to go there.”

Kurt threw his arms around Blaine’s neck and kissed his cheek. “We’re going to New York! This is going to be perfect!”

“I, uh, I hhhope so. But Kurt… did you see that-that-that they only, uh, only accept 20 st-st-st-students a year? I… I think it would be a good… a good idea to have a backup, uh, plan.”

“You don’t think I’m good enough?” Kurt sounded hurt.

Blaine quickly leaned forward, gathering Kurt’s hands in his and drawing his gaze.

“No, no, sweetie, no, of-of course I do. But… e-e-everyone gets rejected from a-a-a-at least one or-or t-two colleges, Kurt. My…my father went to Harvard Law but even he didn’t get in everywhere.”

Kurt’s nose wrinkled in concern. “He didn’t?”

“He didn’t,” Blaine confirmed. "He was re-re-re—he didn’t get in to-to Colum-Columbia. And he got a-a-a-a-a perfect score on the SAT. He’s the one who —told me how important it is to-to-to apply to several schools, including a few ssssafety choices.”

Kurt sat back in stunned silence. “I thought the hard part was choosing the school… I had no idea. How many schools have you applied to so far, Blaine?” Panic was starting to creep into Kurt’s voice.

“Um, five so far.”

“So far?” Kurt’s voice cracked on the second word and he ran his fingers through his hard, something he only did when he was highly stressed. Blaine felt a sympathetic pang in his chest. “Well, which ones? Is it too late for me to apply to them too?”

“N-no, I don’t—I don’t th-th-think the deadline has-has-has —passed for any of them yet. I, um, let me think. I… applied to CUNY, NYU, Cornell, Northwestern, and-and-and Ohio State.”

“You want to go to Ohio State?” Kurt looked mildly scandalized.

“N-n-no.”

“Then why did you apply?” Kurt asked in befuddlement.

“It’s a-a-a…it’s —called a safety, um, school. It’s just in—just in c-c-c-case I don’t, I don’t get in anywhere, um, else. I’d r-r-rather go there than-than n-nowhere, you know? —Besides, my father said you-you-you-you can al-al-al-al-always transfer after a year.”

“Oh. Well, I guess there’s no harm in that.”

Well, that could have gone a lot worse. Blaine let out a contented sigh. He had managed to talk to Kurt about this delicate topic without embarrassing him.

“I, um, I-I-I can help you with the, uh, uh, um, the, uh, the research if you want.”

“That would be amazing, actually. I’m suddenly feeling very overwhelmed by this whole thing.”

“Happy to help. It is our fu-fu-future, after all. That’s always worth p-p-p-putting in a bit of work for.”

Kurt’s worried expression melted into a fond smile.

“Th-th-th-there’s this one program, actually—“

Suddenly, Blaine was flat on his back, looking up into Kurt’s mischievous eyes.

“Tomorrow, Blaine. We can start tomorrow. Tonight, I have other plans.”

Kurt didn't have to tell him twice.

#this takes place between the last chapter of love yourself and the epilogue #love yourself #gorgxoxus #asked and answered #also I heard your birthday is coming up so HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY #love yourself extras #my fic #esperanto writes #This is me trying to write something short #also I read through this maybe twice so hopefully there aren't any glaring errors #should I post this on ao3?#express yourself extras #express yourself #express yourself extra scene

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ransomedrogue · 3 years

Text

Tales of Woe - Scenes from S1

kiss time! yesssss. well, except everything goes downhill from there

anyhow, this week’s scenes - aftermath of an eventful evening...

1.10

Weller ushered his nephew up to his apartment, his physical body now inside the building but his mind still stuck out on the stoop. Images and emotions swirled together, with most of his consciousness locked on the memory of kissing Jane, while the rest of his brain did its best to fend off Sawyer's seemingly endless questions about what he'd seen.

"Why were you kissing her?"

"Isn't kissing kind of gross?"

"Was that your friend from when you and mom were kids?"

"Is she your girlfriend?"

Shit. He had to get that under control before they got back to the apartment and Sawyer outed him to Sarah.

But it was nearly impossible to get his thoughts in any sort of order at the moment, and Weller didn't want to outright lie to his nephew. Yet he also didn't want to face Sarah's scrutiny when he hadn't even had time to process what had just happened.

"Um, yeah, that was uh… Taylor. But she's not my girlfriend. So that was kind of a surprise," Weller finally replied, doing his best to focus his attention on the present.

"Oh. So she wants to be your girlfriend," Sawyer concluded.

His nephew was only nine but he'd pretty much nailed the question in the centre of Kurt's mind.

"Er. I don't know. We're going to have to talk about that," he said.

"You think we could not tell your mom about this until I figure that out?"

Sawyer gave him a blank look and for a moment Weller thought he was going to have to bribe the kid to keep him quiet. But then his nephew nodded sagely, and made a confession of his own.

"A girl in my class kissed me last year. I didn't tell mom either."

"She would have made a big deal about it."

Kurt grinned and ruffled Sawyer's hair. He figured that was a fairly normal thing for a boy that age to keep secret from his mom. And it certainly helped him out in the whole scheme of things.

"Yeah. That's kind of what I was thinking," Weller replied, with a breath of relief.

They entered the apartment and, true to his word, Sawyer ran off back to his favourite game without any mention of what he'd seen. Sarah was in the kitchen prepping things for dinner and barely looked up when they came in so Kurt started putting groceries away, hoping to hide the fact that he was in complete turmoil.

Weller was halfway through unloading the bag when he jolted, realizing suddenly that he'd just let Jane go off without her detail after giving her shit for sneaking out. For a full minute he stood there staring at a can of beans, stuck between running after her futilely and calling her right then, even though she most likely hadn't brought her phone on her illicit mission.

"Kurt?"

Shit. Busted.

He had no idea what Sarah had just asked him so Weller looked up blankly, trying to push the sudden panic out of his throat. His instinct was to sprint out the door and drive all her possible routes home but he had enough sense to resist immediately giving into his anxious impulses. Though mostly because he'd have to explain his behaviour to his sister, which could then easily lead to Sawyer spilling his secret.

"I asked if you wanted white rice or brown rice?"

"Oh. Brown please."

Weller finally put the can of beans down and tried to shake himself out of the moment. He forced back his emotions by repeatedly telling himself that Jane could take care of herself. Anyone that tried to attack her would regret their decision immediately. Also, he was already too late to catch up with her, so it would likely be a wild Jane chase that would require ditching dinner and lying about everything.

It took a lot of effort to turn his attention to cooking, but with Sarah insisting on helping him, Weller did his best to not let his mind drift. Yet still he constantly found himself lost in the memory of Jane's mouth coming up to meet his; how it felt, finally kissing her after desiring it for so long.

A huge part of him wanted to drive over to her safe house after dinner and experience that feeling again. Despite where that was likely to lead, including all the complications it would create. It had felt so right with Jane, more so than it ever had with anyone else. Which really wasn't surprising considering the way they'd fit together perfectly, right from the start.

Dinner was a complete blur but thankfully Sarah was questioning Sawyer about a school presentation due the next day so Kurt got away with fixating on what had happened and what he should do next. Jane had said she'd see him tomorrow and that was definitely the wisest course of action. Yet he absolutely could not stop thinking about her and waiting until the next day to see her again seemed torturous.

"Kurt?"

Dammit. Caught again.

He looked up blankly at Sarah, who was giving him a suspicious look. Sawyer, on the other hand, was grinning at him slyly.

"Sorry, I've been thinking about a case," he said, figuring it wasn't entirely a lie.

His sister was still eyeing him strangely but in the end she just shook her head at his inattention.

"Must be some case," she commented.

He couldn't quite tell if she suspected what was going on in his head but forced himself to swallow his instant defensiveness. He didn't need to give Sarah any more indication of where his mind had been during the meal.

"Yeah, sorry," Kurt repeated. "My head's not here right now. Why don't you guys go work on that project and I'll clean up dinner."

Again, Sarah flashed him a funny look but was, thankfully, more concerned about helping Sawyer practice his presentation than quizzing Kurt on his odd behaviour. He breathed a sigh of relief when they headed off and left him to deal with the dishes.

As soon as he was alone, Weller pulled out his phone and stared at it for a moment. He knew he should call first, before making any rash moves. Yet he didn't feel ready to address what had happened between them. Telling her the truth about his feelings seemed risky to the extreme. Even though she'd been the one on his doorstep initiating the kiss, it still didn't seem prudent to tell her that she had completely blown his mind.

He finally dialled her number, his heart pounding in his ears. And when the call went through to her voicemail, Weller felt more deflated than he should have been.

He'd really wanted to talk to her – partly to make sure she'd gotten home okay but mostly just to hear her voice. It was hard not to think that she was avoiding his call and didn't want to talk to him. Which was stupidly crushing despite everything that had happened between them that night.

Weller hung up after leaving a message and stared blankly out the window. Resisting the urge to dial again, he put the phone down and clenched his hands into fists. Going over to her safe house now would certainly get her detail gossiping about his late night visit.

Forcing back both his worry and his desire, Kurt decided the best course of action was to pour himself a drink. Sitting down at the couch, he sipped at his whiskey and tried to drown out all of his impulses.

He shouldn't drive over there, no matter how much he wanted to see her. So Weller forced himself to stay planted on his sofa, trying not to stare at his phone. Instead, he slugged back the rest of his shot and let his mind drift back to where it had been all night. At the memory of Jane's body, tight against his, and the taste of her mouth on his lips.

###

Jane crawled in the window of the safe house and immediately collapsed to the ground, shaking.

It was as if all the physical and mental shock hit her at once, as soon as she made it back inside. Her lungs still burned with the pain of aspirated water and she was unnaturally cold even though she'd run most of the way back and was finally almost dry.

Shivering on the floor, Jane curled up into herself like she had the first night of her new existence. It seemed absurd that she now wanted to return to that state of innocence, without a single memory or revelation about her past. After all that time and so much effort, it had turned out to be better not knowing anything at all.

Who the hell had she been?

What kind of person would voluntarily choose to do this to herself?

While it was still possible that her former self had been forced to make that video and that none of it was true, Jane had an ominous sense that it was. Oscar's tattoo had gone a long way in making her believe his story and the video he'd shown her. They'd been engaged, presumably in love. She remembered feeling regretful when returning the ring, knowing that he would be upset with her decision.

Jane groaned, desperately wanting to believe that it was all a ruse. She'd already had so many doubts about her past, even before that night's mindblowing revelation. Now she hated the mere thought of who she had been. Especially as all the implications kept flooding through her.

She had done this, planned this all. Purposely involved Kurt in it for some reason, probably a nefarious one. Oscar had been short on details, yet had implied that her team was involved in something illegal. But the idea that Weller was anything but an honest FBI agent seemed completely insane.

God. Had it really only been hours since she'd kissed him?

It felt like a lifetime had passed, especially the time spent being waterboarded by Tom Carter. Jane shuddered again just at the memory of it; the terror of being unable to breathe, feeling like she was drowning. She noted again that she felt frozen despite finally being dry. Knowing that she needed to get warm, Jane tried to push her way off the floor. But it was as if all the trauma of being physically tortured then emotionally devastated had finally caught up to her and she was stuck in her position.

Images of the night kept flashing through her mind, like a frantic slideshow whirling out of control. Sitting on his doorstep, nervous but determined. Walking away from his place, lost in the memory of her lips against his. Being grabbed and thrown in a van before she even had a chance to react. Then the bag and the water and the drill. The gunshots. Oscar and the video.

Jane felt herself starting to hyperventilate as the cycle of images wouldn't stop; always culminating with that picture of herself, telling her that this was all her idea. Even the thought of betraying her team and being a mole was devastating. She owed them so much and trusted them completely. Especially Weller.

Weller.

A part of her still wanted to see him, even though the idea of telling him what had happened was unthinkable. Because, more than anything, Jane needed comfort at that moment and he was her only source for it. The thought of his warmth wrapped around her shaking body was almost inviting enough to push away the horror of the other thought, the one that had been plaguing her ever since she'd seen that video.

What if Weller found out that she was a terrible person, who'd plotted her way into his life? He would obviously despise her, even if she really was Taylor.

Jane moaned again, desperately wishing that it had all been a dream. There had certainly been an unreal quality to her night, yet her misery and self-hatred were entirely too real.

She was about to spin back into the same cycle of remorse and despair when a familiar noise finally broke through her consciousness. It was her cell phone, which she'd left at the safe house so her movements wouldn't be traceable.

A part of her registered that it was the middle of the night by now, so any call would likely be important. Yet still it seemed impossible to get up and answer the phone.

Eventually Jane waited long enough and the ringing stopped, but now that question was occupying a piece of her mind as well. Who was calling her so late? A part of her worried that it was Oscar, or someone else involved in the conspiracy she was tied to.

Trying to get her limbs back under control, Jane growled at her own weakness. The events of the evening had finally caught up to her, especially the stress her body had been put under. But she didn't have time to cry about it, or tremor alone on the floor. Especially if her phone was ringing at that hour.

As if in a trance, Jane found herself pushing herself onto her elbows first then onto her knees. After that, she somehow managed to get to her feet and stumbled towards the phone, feeling as if she wasn't inhabiting her own body. Everything seemed so unreal still; her entire world had collapsed to reveal something she'd never expected.

Jane finally got to her cell and saw that she had missed a number of calls from Weller. Just seeing his name on the screen made her heart clench with dismay. She couldn't talk to him; he would immediately know that something was wrong.

As she listened to her voicemails, Jane's roiling mind went into overdrive, trying to come up with a solution. If she didn't answer at all Weller was liable to show up at her door, despite the time - he certainly sounded concerned enough. Which would then lead to all sorts of complications she couldn't face at the moment.

It seemed to take forever before the obvious answer finally made its way through her anxiety. She could send him a text to let him know she was safe and put off talking to him until she'd had more time to recover.

Somehow Jane forced her fingers to operate the phone and managed to cobble together an excuse for not answering for so long. Even though she was still shaking, unable to get warm despite being dry and safe.

Sorry, out thinking, no phone. Home now. Talk to you tomorrow.

Goodnight. See you in the morning, Weller replied immediately.

Jane pictured him at home, up late worrying about her. The image, along with the text would normally have made her feel warm, though a little guilty too. Now, she could only think what he would say if he knew who she really was.

He'd hate me, she thought once more.

As much as I hate myself.

Goodnight, Jane texted back, even though it was clear she wasn't going to be doing any sleeping. She could only hope that Weller would be able to get some rest, after keeping him up so late. As for herself, she had hours left to spend ruminating on what had happened and what she was going to do.

The images still wouldn't stop pouring through her mind, forcing her to relive her terror at being repeatedly drowned, then threatened with a drill, then shown that video. And yet there was that other memory too, that brought on a different sort of panic. Reaching up towards Kurt; seeking comfort in the warm sensation of his lips on her mouth, the feeling of his body right up against hers.

She wanted that, wanted him. But not if it was part of a plot. And definitely not if he was going to get hurt.

Jane realized that tears had started to slip down her cheeks and she didn't have the energy to push them back. Soon they were pouring out and and she didn't bother to try controlling them or even wiping them away. Curling up on the couch, Jane just kept sobbing until her lungs ached and daylight was peering through the blinds.

Opening her eyes and groaning at the light, Jane peeled herself off the sofa and stood in a burning hot shower, trying to wash the dirty feeling from her skin. Yet she didn't feel any more cleansed when she emerged from the water, nor had it lifted any of the heaviness in her soul.

Whatever had happened to her, it was obviously all her own fault. Now all she could do was protect everyone from the fallout of what she'd done. No matter what it took, she wasn't going to let any of them get hurt.

Whoever she'd been before the memory wipe, that wasn't who she was anymore. And this version of her wasn't going to let anyone hurt the people that she loved. Not even herself.

#blindspot #blindspot fanfic #blindspot rewatch #s1fic #i wrote this

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kurts-still-here · 3 years

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What’s Love? Glee TOT Challenge FanFiction

@celery-elliry @useless-fanfictions @gleethisorthatchallenge

Hi everyone, this is my fourth fic for the Glee TOT Challenge and the prompt I choose was Platonic Love because I have way to many Kurt ships that I love but even if Kurt can't love all of them as a partner, he can love them as a friend :) Hope everyone enjoys and tells me what they thought of it etheir on here, A03 OR FanFiction.Net. Happy reading 🤗🤗😁😁

Archive Of Our Own

FanFiction.Net

Mercedes

“I’m gay,” Kurt admitted to Mercedes, tears in his eyes. She was the first person he had ever told and this was the first time he had ever admitted it out loud.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Mercedes asked sympathetically.

“Because I’ve... never told anyone actually,” Kurt shrugged.

“You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are, Kurt,” She told him, shaking her head. “You should just tell people. Especially the kids in glee. The whole point of the club is about expressing what’s really inside you. Remember?”

“I can’t,” Kurt said, ashamed of himself. “I’m just not that confident, I guess,”

He started to walk away from her with his head held high but then he turned around to look at her again.

“But I still love you Mercedes,” He told her, the tears streaming down his face. “You’re the first friend I’ve ever made as pathetic as that sounds. I just want you to know that,”

“Of course boo,” Mercedes smiled. “I love you too, I guess just a little bit more than you love me. But I’ll get over it,”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt apologized. “I shouldn't have lied to you. I’ve just had a lot of trouble… ya know… accepting it,”

“You don’t have to explain yourself or apologize Kurt,” Mercedes assured him. “You are who you are and you like who you like and I’m not mad at you at all for that. I’m glad you felt like you could tell me. Thank you,”

“Okay,” Kurt said quietly before turning around and walking away from her.

He had known he was different for a long time now and he had discovered he was gay not long after but he knew how the LGBT+ community was viewed in his community. It wasn’t approved of and he got enough harassment for his voice and choices of clothing, he couldn’t imagine what he would have to endure if he came out to the public. He just couldn’t do it yet. He was hoping that maybe one day people would be more accepting of gay people or that he would gather enough courage to not think of what they thought but he wasn’t there yet. He wasn’t necessarily ashamed of himself but he wasn’t proud either. He felt like a coward for hiding who he really was, especially from his dad. He was just scared of how his dad would react. He loved him so much and he didn’t want to ruin their relationship in the case that he wouldn’t accept him. He would do it eventually though because he didn’t want to hide the real him from the person he loved most in the world

Finn

Both boys were sitting in the basement on the couch watching a movie together. Finn had his arm wrapped around Kurt’s shoulder and they were snuggled close together. Finn’s behavior seemed a little weird to Kurt seeing that Finn usually avoided physical contact with him but he just brushed it off thinking that Finn was just trying to make up for the “faggy lamp incident”. Besides Kurt didn’t exactly hate the hug, it felt nice.

The credits started rolling on the movie and Finn turned to face Kurt.

“That was nice,” Finn said with a goofy smile on his face.

“Yeah it was,” Kurt smiled back. “Do you want to watch another one?”

“Sure,” Finn said, his expression changing to a pained look. “Wait though. Before we do I want to talk to you,”

“Okay. What is it?” Kurt asked. “I hope it’s nothing bad,”

“No no, nothing bad,” Finn said, getting nervous. At least I hope you don’t think it’s bad,”

“Well just tell me Finn,” Kurt encouraged him. “Chances are I won’t judge you,”

“Okay, here goes nothing,” Finn said. “I’m just going to come out and say this but… I think I’m gay,”

“Oh,” Kurt said, his eyes widening. “That’s great Finn. I’m glad you told me. So who’s the lucky guy?”

“Um… you?” Finn said, looking down at his hands.

“Me?” Kurt breathed.

“Yeah, I don’t know, it’s just I feel like I love anyone. Like I liked Quinn before the baygate thing because she was pretty and I like Rachel because she’s nice to me and because she’s pretty and then I like you because you’re really nice and you don’t think I’m stupid and you’re pretty cute but then I like Puck because he’s my bro and he has nice muscles and abs and… I don’t know… it’s frustrating,” Finn sighed, turning red.

“It sounds like you’re bisexual,” Kurt told him. “It means you're attracted to both genders,”

“Oh, so I’m not crazy,” Finn said to himself, making Kurt laugh. “I also like it when you laugh. I like it when you’re happy and I’m sorry about you’re lamp,”

“Finn, you don’t have to apologize to me again. I know you’re sorry,” Kurt assured him, still blushing from Finn’s comment.

“But I do,” Finn groaned, frustrated with himself. “I was a real douche and it wasn’t fair to you and I was just angry because I couldn’t accept myself like you can,”

“Well you’re accepting yourself now,” Kurt told him. “By telling me,”

“I guess so,” Finn shrugged. “But what do you think? About… me,”

“Oh,” Kurt said, his face turning from pink to white. “Finn you know I love you but I think it’s just… as a friend or as a brother,”

“Oh,” Finn said, tears coming to his eyes. “That’s fine,”

“Finn it’s not you trust me,” Kurt said, placing his hand on Finn’s arm. “Any guy or girl would be lucky to have you, including me. It’s just that I’m not that lucky guy. You’ll find someone better,”

“Nah I don’t think I will,” Finn said, quickly wiping his tears. “I mean I ruined things with Quinn and then with Rachel and I’m pretty sure Puck’s straight so you were kind of my last hope, not to make you feel bad. I think I should… I should just go,”

“Finn please don’t do this,” Kurt begged him as Finn stood up. “Let’s just talk about this, I don’t want you to be mad at me,”

“No I’m not mad Kurt,” Finn told him. “I just need some time to myself. But I’m sorry that I told you all of this. And I’m sorry you don’t love me back,”

“Finn you don’t have to apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for,” Kurt said, wiping the tears that were now on his face too. “And I do love you, you’re my friend,”

“You know what I mean Kurt,” Finn said with a sad smile. “But it’s fine really, don’t worry about it. And thanks for clearing the bi thing up for me, it means a lot to me,”

“Your welcome,” Kurt whispered as Finn went up the stairs. He had just ruined a friendship that he really cherished but he would’ve ruined it even more if he told Finn that he loved him when he really didn’t. Sure there was the little crush that he had had on him a couple of months ago but it had faded and now he saw Finn as nothing more than a friend. He just didn’t know what love really felt like, what the difference between romantic love and platonic love really was. Yes he loved his dad and Carol and Mercdes and the rest of the glee club but as friends and family, not as partners. Love was complicated, it was messy and Kurt was still trying to come to terms with being gay and accepting himself, he wasn’t ready for a relationship yet.

Puck

The New Directions were over at the Hudmel house for a get together and Kurt was in the kitchen, gathering snacks for everyone when Puck walked with that smirk that he always wore on his face.

“Hey babe,” He said, looking down at Kurt's ass. “You need any help?”

“I’m good Noah,” Kurt said, annoyed. Was Puck so desperate now that he was flirting with boys? “And since when am I babe?”

“Since this,” Puck said before walking up to Kurt, taking him by surprise and kissing him hard on the lips. Kurt didn’t know what to do since Puck had a strong grip on him so he just stayed leaned back with Puck’s lips on his until Noah came back up for some air.

“So what did you think?” Puck asked, raising an eyebrow. “Did I blow you’re gay little mind?”

“Um… no?” Kurt said in a questioning tone. “I just… are you gay?”

“Yeah something like that,” Puck said, waving his hand in the air. “I think I like anything but I forget what it’s called,”

“You mean your pan, pansexual?” Kurt asked. “You don’t care about gender or gender identity. It actually makes a lot of sense,”

“Well anyway,” Puck interrupted, frowning. “Do you love me?”

“Noah, I'm not doing this right now,” Kurt said, shaking his head. It was Finn and Mercedes all over again. “We’re friends and that’s probably all we’ll ever be. I guess I could say I love you but as a friend, not as a lover. I’m not ready for a relationship yet,”

“But you had a crush on Finn?” Puck pointed out. “What gives?”

“Like you said, it was a crush that went away. And unlike you Finn was nice to me but I doubt I ever had romantic feelings for him in any way. I’ve already had this conversation with him,” Kurt explained.

“Wait so Finn’s gay too?” Puck asked. “I might have to tap that,”

“Actually you should, he likes you.” Kurt said. “Something about your muscles and abs,”

“But what do you think about my muscles and abs babe?” Puck asked with a mischievous smile. “Isn’t it hot?”

“Sure,” Kurt said sarcastically. “But like I said Noah, I’m flattered, I really am but the answer is no,”

“Fine then,” Puck huffed. “But trust me, I’m not going to give up so easily. One day you’ll be begging for me to take you and I’ll make you suffer and wait,”

“God do you always have to be so cheesy?” Kurt asked. “It makes me sick,”

“You know you love it Princess,” Puck yelled back at him as he walked back into the living room with everyone else.

“Yeah right,” Kurt said under his breath as he gathered up all the trays of food and brought them out to the living room. This was the third time now and if he hadn’t loved Finn in that way then he definitely didn’t love Puck in that. He sighed as he placed everything out on the table before rubbing his face with his hands in exhaustion.

“Are you okay Kurt?” Quinn asked him.

“I’m fine,” Kurt said, smiling at the group. Then he saw Puck’s smirk again and decided that he needed some space. “I just… forgot something upstairs in my room. I’ll be back,”

He left the room and walked upstairs before walking into his room and closing the door behind him, sinking down against the door. It shouldn’t bother him so much but it did. There were three people now that had “loved” and he didn’t love them back. It just made him wonder if he was ever going to find true love at all and if he was ever even going to know what love felt like.

Sam

“I love you,” Sam admitted and Kurt internally groaned. Not again.

“Sam,” Kurt started to say but Sam interrupted him, taking Kurt’s hands in his.

“Shh, don’t say anything and just let me explain,” Sam said but this time Kurt interpreted him.

“Sam, you’re my friend, god I say that a lot,” He added sarcastically. “But I’m not ready for a relationship right now. I love you platonically and that’s that. Please don’t make me feel even worse than I already do by trying to persuade me into going out with you. I’ve been through this plenty of times before,”

Sam looked down, ashamed and disappointed and now Kurt wished that he would say something instead of just looking defeated.

“Hey don’t be upset Sam please,” Kurt begged him. “It’s not you, you’re perfect and I’m really flattered but I’m still figuring things out for myself and it wouldn’t be fair to you to be with me when I not sure of anything,”

“No I get it,” Sam said, looking up at Kurt with tears in his eyes. God, why did they always have to cry?” “Really I do it’s just that you’re so nice and cute and I had the stupid idea that maybe you’d like me too but it’s stupid really. And I guess I’m not really sure about anything either. I don’t know what I am, if I’m bi or if I just like boys. It’s hard,”

“I know it is,” Kurt assured him, rubbing Sam’s back. “Trust me, I knew I was gay since I was six years old and I’m still trying to fully accept myself. But you aren’t alone Sam. I’m here if you ever want to talk and Finn and Puck seem like they have whatever’s going on with them figured out so you can talk to them too. We’re all here for you,”

“I know,” Sam said, smiling at Kurt and wiping his tears. “Thanks,”

“You’ll find someone,” Kurt told him, giving Sam a hug. “But just remember you come first,”

“Yeah, I will,” Sam told him, returning the hug.

Kurt told himself that what he told Sam also applied to him. He was going to figure out what love really felt like and he was going to find someone that loved him and someone who loved him back. He had to, he wanted to know the feeling. Now just wasn’t the right time and once again, he had to put himself first.

Blaine

“I love you,” Blaine said dreamily, staring at Kurt with his handsome eyes and making Kurt choke on his coffee a little. Why does this always happen to me?

Blaine still had his eyes on Kurt and was waiting for Kurt to respond with an “I love you too,” so Kurt was relieved when Mercedes and Sam walked in with one another making Blaine turn around.

“Oh hey, what are you guys doing here?” Blaine asked, having moved on from the previous discussion.

“I’m just getting a coffee,” Sam said, swaying back and forth on his feet.

“Yeah we ran into each other in the parking lot,” Mercedes added. ‘Hmm, sure you did,’ Kurt thought to himself he had noticed how smiley they were acting towards each other lately. They were in love and Kurt was happy for them, especially since they had both had a crush on him and now they had each other. At least Sam now knew that he was bi and they both had their love lives together. It was more than he could say for himself.

Blaine started talking about his summer plans with them while Kurt tried to figure out what he was going to say about Blaine’s “I love you,” when Mercedes and Sam walked away and Blaine turned his focus back onto Kurt.

“Hey cutie,” He smiled again.

“Umm. hi,” Kurt said nervously. “I’m really sorry Blaine but I just remembered that I promised my dad that I would help him… at the garage so we’re going to have to cut this coffee date short,”

“Oh yeah,” Blaine said, wearing a smile even though Kurt could tell he was disappointed. “That’s okay. A promise is a promise,”

“Yeah,” Kurt said, standing up and grabbing his cup and bag. “See you later,”

He then rushed out of the coffee shop and with his luck of course it was raining outside. He started crying. He liked Blaine, that’s why they were dating and he had spent so long pining after him and now he was going to ruin the good thing going on between them because he couldn’t say three simple words. I love you. Of course he could say them but he just didn’t want to lie. He didn’t want to say those words and then have it turn out that he didn’t love Blaine and ruin their friendship. He loved Blaine but… once again, maybe it was just platonic. And maybe he just wasn’t meant to love anyone.

Elliot

“I love you,” Kurt found himself saying to Elliot once they reached his apartment. They had been really good friends for a while now and Elliot had just taken him out on their first date to a nice restaurant.

“Like as a friend or as more?” Elliot asked, obviously joking with a smile on his face. Elliot knew how Kurt had felt about love and partners in the past and had been patient with him even though he loved Kurt romantically.

“I think… as more,” Kurt confessed. “I’m really nervous and have a weird feeling in my stomach, not like I’m sick or anything but...I think I love you Elliot. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and for once...I think I honestly know exactly how I feel about someone,”

They paused for a moment, Kurt with tears of joy in his eyes before Elliot leant in and kissed Kurt. And Kurt had only been kissed twice before, once by Puck and once by Blaine but when he kissed Elliot he felt a spark of energy between them and he knew he loved him, the feeling was confirmed.

When they pulled away from each other, they held each other’s hands and Kurt had never been happier in his life before. He had spent a huge part of his life worrying that he would never find someone who felt the same way as he did, who he loved and here he was, he had finally found Elliot. It all felt amazing.

#glee #glee fanfiction #kurt hummel #elliot starchild gilbert #kelliot

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to-a-merrier-world · 3 years

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Fandom Fic Rec Days!

Day 2

(If you don’t know what this is, check out this post!)

I’m grouping my recs based on fandom, and this rec list is all Marvel fanfics! This list includes X-Men, AUs, and canon divergence, with a multitude of pairings.

(These are listed in no particular order. Fics rated explicit are labeled with ***. Authors are tagged where possible. If you’re an author on this list and would like to be removed, please let me know!

And as always: read tags, and don’t like, don’t read!)

1) Bend Around the Wind by @scyllaya***

And the podfic of this by @aerie11e

Main Pairing: Tony Stark/Loki

A double rec! This massive fic comes in at over 400k (and 44 hours)! It has the found family trope (of course), and is a slow build / enemies to friends to lovers fic. And gooood the build-up to romantic feelings is so good!!! It also has the spice of space pirates and moral ambiguity, and some fantastic alien OCs. And the podfic is so wonderful to listen to, aerie11e’s voice is soothing and enjoyable. It’s definitely a fave to listen to while relaxing. Scyllaya also breathes life into the wider Marvel universe that makes it really feel as vast and interconnected as it is in comics/movies. If you’re into enemies to lovers, space adventure, and found family, I highly recommend this one! A very fun read.

2) More than Genetics by Llwyden ferch Gyfrinach (Llwyden)***

Main Pairing: Logan/Kurt Wagner

Ugh, love this fic. Kurt (aka Nightcrawler) is probably my fave X-man, and I really loved how he was depicted in this. His struggle with being a very obviously mutant person--and how he’s been targeted with violence because of it--was really well done, and his journey of healing was lovely. And Logan! Gruff but caring, love to see it. Also loved to see him struggle with his own issues of memory loss and discomfort with building connections with other people. Overall, a great read!

3) Deep in the Heart of Me by Finely Honed (jaqen_hgar)***

Main Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

I gotta be honest--this fic made me cry. Like, a lot. It’s one of those fics that draws you in and then emotionally wrecks you and THEN gives you the ending you want. If you like realistic, but ultimately hopeful, depictions of two adults with baggage and flaws who learn to build a relationship together, then this is 100% the fic for you. The depiction of PTSD is so real here, and you really see and feel the character growth, the suffering, the healing--all of it. The love really jumps out in this fic, and it’s just so, so beautiful. I cannot recommend this fic enough, it destroyed me in the best way possible AND gave me a happy ending. What more can you ask for?

4) i’m ready to die holding your hand by @fingerprintbruises***

Main Pairing: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers

It’s been 2 months since I read this fic and I cannot stop thinking about it. Zombie AUs are something that I always seek out, but rarely find versions of that I really, really love. This one, though, is definitely one I ended up adoring. The suspense and danger are palpable, and the emotions between characters even more so. I loved how I could really feel the bonds between the characters--and the growing bond between Bucky and Steve throughout the fic. There is, of course, plenty of angst--a staple for many zombie stories--but the journey is so worth it. I really loved this and cannot recommend enough!!!

5) Always Glad You Came by @captainkirkk

Main Pairing: Peter Parker/Johnny Storm

This is just a really fun read of two superhero teens crushing on each other and then dating--and the misunderstanding of Spider-Man’s alias (the “Man” in his title doesn’t mean Peter is actually an adult lol). Johnny’s crush on Peter is super cute, and the Fantastic Four’s protective streak with him is sweet (even though you feel bad for poor Peter). This is just overall a wholesome read, and I loved it.

6) Winterheart by orphan_account***

Main Pairing: Tony Stark/Loki

Idk about y’all, but there’s nothing like a Beauty and the Beast AU. I loved the concept of Loki receiving a more ~magical~ punishment for his wrongs in the first Thor movie, and Tony and Loki’s relationship had such a nice build-up--and the ending!!! So good. I also loved getting so much of Natasha and Clint in this fic, especially Clint--he really was “grew up in the circus”, kinda silly, bit of a disaster Clint Barton (rather than whatever the fuck MCU Clint was).

7) I’ll Tell No Lies by doctorestranged***

Main Pairing: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson

Dead Men Walking series

Goooood this fic (and series)... so good. It’s a case fic series with identity porn (and actual porn lmao), and a really interesting relationship between Peter and Wade. This is another age gap fic with a 20yo Peter and a 30-something Wade, and the fic plays around with that a fair amount. When I was reading this series, I seriously couldn’t put it down, it really draws you in. I recommend it a lot!

8) What All This Time Was For by @theladyragnell

Main Pairing: Franklin “Foggy” Nelson/Matt Murdock

Aaah, a classic. I love the “bringing my boyfriend to my high school reunion and blowing my old classmates minds” trope and then it goes and combines it with the other fantastic Fake Dating trope!!! So much fun. And the sharing a hotel room!! All the tropes, it’s such a good time. Definitely recommend for a fun, get-together fic!!

#ficrecdays #avengers #spider-man homecoming #deadpool #daredevil #x-men #the fantastic four #spideypool #stucky #stony #spideytorch #foggy nelson x matt murdock #frostiron #logan x kurt wagner

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kneamet · 3 years

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4th part of misery! Tom. I really love this Tom. Reader is depressed since her punishment. She doesn't write and just lies in bed. She spends her days on crying. Tom tries to cheer her up. However, she is still in bed. Tom wants to make her keep writing. He kidnaps Will and traps him in his own basement. Tom threatens reader to murder him if she doesn't keep writing.

Trigger Warning: obsession, yandere, kidnapping.

Word Count: 2367

Character: Tom Hiddleston/reader

Summary: You’re a famous author. You get into an accident. When you Wake up, you find out that you were saved by a mysterious person who is quite obsessive about your work.

POV Your

Two weeks. It's been two damn weeks since Thomas, your hated captor, decided to decide your fate. You knew he was too crazy and too obsessed to understand simple things, but that was too much.

You knew that the next escape would not lead to anything good. You felt yourself flinch. Bright, unfilled with obsessive thoughts, the head began to penetrate unpleasant thoughts about what would happen if you disobey him again.

I didn't want to look at my feet, but I didn't want to think about them. All you wanted right now, all you needed right now,was Will's gentle embrace and sweet hot chocolate. You imagined him and you wrapped up in that incredibly soft and fluffy blanket again and watching a detective movie, enjoying it and trying to guess who the main killer was.

Will. Your smile trembled slightly in exhaustion and you felt a small and weightless tear slide down your scorched cheek, but very cold, and radiating only pleasant memories and thoughts. How you'd like to see him again. But, having lost all hope, you could only dream and remember what it was dangerous to talk about in this house in which you lived at the moment.

You didn't have the strength to start writing anything. To continue the "Lost" sequel that Thomas was so eager to see. All you've been doing for the last two weeks, after your harsh punishment that you tried to talk a man out of, is lying on your bed, staring at the ceiling.

That's all.

You've been feeling a little lethargic these past few weeks. I didn't care what was going on around me. All you were interested in was Will, who probably misses you deeply and can't find a place for himself.

Oh, I wish I could see him again. Feel his soft touch on your skin as you both lie in bed; hear his melodic and slightly husky voice; see again his beautiful green-brown eyes that will closely follow the way your fingers run over the keyboard of your laptop.

"You're the best, the most impossible," a voice whispered softly, and you flinched when you felt Thomas's nose in your hair, inhaling the scent. Suddenly, his lips touched the top of your head and you felt the corner of your lips twitch slightly. Contact with Tom was terrible. Terrible and unpleasant.

They were so unpleasant that immediately there was a feeling that you need to take a shower, quickly wash off his weightless touch and kiss. Rub with a washcloth for a long time, rub the skin until it bleeds. Just to wash it off.

Your hands trembled in a slight tremor as Thomas's breath, like the man himself, drifted away from you, continuing to go about their business of cooking.

You saw how much Hiddleston didn't like the fact that you didn't write a sequel to his favorite book and just didn't do anything. I think, yes, I've had the feeling very often that all he wants from you is the continuation of the book. Although his addiction and obsession with you have not disappeared. They were still chasing you, too.

And so, it seems, he decided to cheer you up by preparing a meal. It felt like he wanted to have dinner. Date. And he wants to pretend that you and he are strangers, that they decided to sit at the table and enjoy glasses of wine, looking thoughtfully out the window at this clear snow.

You blinked a couple of times, trying to get your senses in order and focus. There was a very tense atmosphere, or so it seemed to you. You didn't like all the fake stuff. I wanted to tell him, your captor, everything to his face. But you knew you couldn't. I was afraid.

You were rarely in the kitchen. Usually, Thomas would bring food to your room and be there with you. Only a couple of times did he take you out here, or anywhere else besides your room.

It was an ordinary table, standing near the window, which gave a tempting view of the freedom that so attracted you and your eyes; next to it were chairs, one of which you were currently sitting on. Walking, or even standing, was still a problem, so all you had to do was use the wheelchair that just happened to be in Thomas ' house. That's a bit of luck, isn't it?

Across from the table was the main kitchen itself-except for the drawers that held the dishes, and you were sure that somewhere, in one of them, were the sleeping pills that Thomas sometimes used on you. There was also a built-in table where your captor was currently trying to kill a chicken. There was also a refrigerator nearby.

It always smelled different here. At the moment, just toasted meat, steak, apparently, and wine.

Your eyes darted to Thomas. He was wearing a pair of casual black sweatpants and a blue tank top, which showed off his toned muscles. He was wearing a white apron. You let out a sigh, feeling your lower lip tremble and your lungs run out of air. An apron with a quote from your character Kurt Page written on it.

A lunatic. A crazy person who thinks only about how to satisfy his needs, comparable to animals that have found love.

"Honey," Thomas said, looking up from what he was doing and squatting down next to you. The room was very small, so no wonder he came to you in two steps. He took your hands in his and began to rub your palm with his thumb. "Look at me," a stern voice that gives you goosebumps. Your heart began to beat and beat in you, drowning out all the other noises, including the man's words. You looked up at him, not daring to disobey him. "I know I'm not perfect. But doesn't that make me human?" he quoted a quote that was written on his apron. "I love you, my dear. I love very much."

***

POV Thomas

A couple of hours later

Anger was eating into his brain, filling every last drop. So that's who his favorite writer loves. This... a creature that looks like it hasn't slept in days and isn't taking care of it? So that's who you've been thinking about these last few weeks?

Thomas clenched his hand into a tight fist, feeling his nails dig painfully into the chapped skin. His indifference to this person, but filled with anger towards his beloved, shifted to Will Jordan, the manager, and, he restrained the outbursts of anger — he wanted to leave at least a drop of reason in him-your boyfriend.

The suddenness of this man was very annoying and extremely unsympathetic. I wonder what you, his favorite girl, found in this man? In this incompetence? But okay, you've got him, Tom, and he's so much better than that fucking Will who always took his writer away from him.

His dark hair, dark brown, was curled in small curls, but at the moment it was slightly bloody from the man's resistance; his eyes, as far as Thomas could remember, were either blue or green, but that didn't really matter. After all, all he was interested in was how to get his beloved girl to write.

Thomas didn't like the idea of you lying in bed for the last few weeks and doing absolutely nothing. No, he was just trying to cheer you up, but your pessimism only destroyed all the desire in him.

And then an idea popped into Thomas ' head. And why not involve someone who is very close to you in this case? The person you'd do anything for?

And let Hiddleston consider himself that person. He was sure that if you just catch on some points, in moral terms, then you will definitely do everything as he asks. Isn't that what love is all about? Isn't she pure and beautiful?

With a final kick to Jordan, who had not recovered from the shock of so many hours, and a kick to the side that turned him over, Thomas checked the key one last time and closed the door behind him, walking in the direction of such a room. He wants to help you so much.

"Honey, I have a surprise for you," the man said, smiling and opening the door.

He saw your tormented body. His mood immediately changed. It was constantly changing. It never depended on Tom.

Oh, poor thing, such were Thomas ' first thoughts when his keen eye caught sight of his beloved child in such a state. She lay curled up in the blanket, crying, not sparing her own tears. The pillow was already wet, and the flow of tears, as well as a small roar, did not end.

***

"Why are you crying, Sarah?" the soft voice of the boy who was standing near the half-open door and anxiously looked at his sister, who could not restrain herself, crying, afraid to stop.

Thank the Queen, my parents weren't home.

"Hey, honey," he walked around the room, sitting down next to his sister on the bed and touching her delicate back, starting to rub it with his small hand. "Sarah, you can tell me, really. I promise I'll keep my word to no one not to tell, " the boy promised, smiling reassuringly. There was a small chuckle from the nurse.

***

Her hair was disheveled, lying untidily on the pillow, and her eyes were red. It was too painful for him to look at his beloved in this state.

With a quick step, he walked over to her and brought her to a crouch in front of her face, brushing a stray lock of hair over her ear out of sight. He saw his girlfriend's eyes widen in a little fear. Was she afraid of him? No, no, no, she must love him, not fear him!

"Get up, dear, I have a present for you," he would say, shaking her gently. Although, most likely, it was not a gift, but a real threat in the form of a person and what would happen if she did not follow his order to write further.

Ignoring some of your mumbling, he grabbed your hands, and painfully pulling them away, lifted you up, forcing you to sit up in an upright position. The tears stopped flowing, but the throat and fur coats continued to tremble. Thomas smiled, gesturing at the vehicle he'd brought from the other side of the room. He was standing there on purpose. His beloved should not have access to the door.

Grabbing you by the armpits, making it very painful, Thomas was still able to drag you to the chair, fastening the handcuffs on your right leg. He knew you wouldn't be able to escape, but it was a precaution.

"Come on, honey, we'll take a look," he said, locking the door behind him and leading you to the stairs.

***

POV Your

It was scary. Very scary. It was the uncertainty in your captor that really scared you. What was he up to? Did he kill someone while you were in the room, working on your possibly imminent death?

"You'll like it, I promise,"he whispered in my ear. Suddenly, you stopped. You quickly began to look around. You were here. If you go up these stairs, you can see Thomas ' room, where he keeps his secret. "Here we are." After performing some light machinations, he finally opened the door.

"Surprise!"

Your eyes immediately widened. My heart was pounding loudly, and it felt as if the rhythm had accelerated to such an extent that it was ready to explode and was driving at high speed on the oncoming lane. A drop of sweat rolled down his forehead, and his lower lip trembled again.

Right in front of you, unconscious, tied by his hand to a small post, lay Will. Your sweet boy Will. So scruffy, battered, and covered in blood. Did this bastard do this to him?

"What did you do to him?" unable to withstand the pressure, you curled your lips, trying to pull away and not even thinking about the consequences that could happen if you resist.

"It's easy, honey," Thomas said, and as he walked over to Will, he kicked him again and put his foot on his stomach, which was covered in a shirt that was torn in some places.

"Don't you dare touch him!" The veins in his neck were slightly swollen. You tried to resist these acts as much as you could. But unfortunately, the handcuffs could not be broken.

Thomas smiled, making some gestures with his hands. "Don't yell, honey, it's okay."

Your eye twitched. The previous apathy seemed to have disappeared. At this point, it was necessary to save Will. Just him.

"I don't like your so-called apathy at all. It doesn't suit me," he said, grabbing an axe that stood against a gray wall whose wallpaper was peeling.

Her gaze was troubled. It was unpleasant. What if he kills him? Something must be done urgently. You can't leave him without help. You swallowed a nonexistent saliva. His teeth were biting painfully on his gums. There was nothing to help.

"And I thought, very strongly and for a long time: what if I touch the person that my beloved girl protects the most?" He tightened his grip on his axe, the tip of which was red, and swung it slightly.

"Don't kill him!" The tears started to flow from your eyes again. It was very painful and dangerous for the person you loved. It can't end like this.

"Honey, don't cry, you know I don't like your tears," he murmured in a gentle voice that oozed softness towards you. "You just have to understand and agree to my terms: I don't kill your boyfriend and let him go, and you continue to love me and write a sequel to Lost, or I kill him. So, your choice, honey?"

Tears flowed. They wet your white T-shirt. Her lower lip was trembling. It was scary. My hands were shaking.

"I agree."

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