so i have been bitten by the sam reich!master bug courtesy of some phenomenal art by @northernfireart and uh. as is too often the case i had to write something otherwise if i didn't get it out of my brain i would go absolutely insane
(there may be more vignettes coming if i have ideas..... there are definitely other episodes i'd like to give the Treatment to, plus with the new dw series coming out on the weekend i may have ideas for how to incorporate the dw gang! however, i promise neither more writing or no more writing. that said, this was a lot of fun so there'll probably be more at some stage :D )
this has full spoilers for the game changer ep "escape the greenroom", but hey that's been out for a while now so,,,,
if you haven't seen it i'd highly recommend it as an episode!
so, without further ado:
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Samuel Dalton was a complete fiction, of course, but that didn't mean that when Sam Reich snuck back upstairs to get tied up in the “out of order” bathroom, the Sam that remained on the monitor, laughing at the contestants, was a pre-recording. And if Brennan, Siobhan and Lou had snorted at the idea of a time-travelling evil magician great-grandfather (for good reason), going in with the actual truth of the matter would have sounded like jumping the shark.
It sounded bizarre, but the time travel bit was the only part about his new partner in crime that was confirmably real. Admittedly, the jury was still out on “evil”—he gave off a weird vibe at times, but so far, no lines had been crossed, and it had all been funny as hell—so for now, Sam was willing to roll with it. But perhaps most surprisingly, there wasn’t even the possibility of blood relation between Samuel Dalton Reich and the guy who had shown up out of the blue one day with his exact face and a plan to really fuck around with things on Game Changer.
Yeah, the whole alien thing had really ruled out that particular prospect.
There had been various bits and pieces of confirmation that this guy wasn’t human through the time Sam had known him, but the final nail in the coffin for that one was when his doppelganger had looked him dead in the eye and tried on one of the heart rate monitors—sorry, “range extenders”—for As a Cucumber. The damn thing had literally sparked up, then died completely. Trying to process input from two separate heartbeats at once would do that, apparently.
His doppelganger was a Time Lord, or so he had nonchalantly said one afternoon in casual conversation, though Sam still wasn’t sure if that one was a joke or not. It was hard to tell, sometimes, because he said the wildest things with the straightest face, and so far, most of them had turned out to be one hundred percent certifiably true. The time travel, the space travel, even the changing faces thing—it sounded objectively insane, but the proof was undeniable.
There were some notable exceptions, though. Saying he’d been trapped for aeons inside Neil Patrick Harris’s gold tooth went just that bit too far to be believable, though Sam did appreciate his double’s slightly warped sense of humour.
It was that offbeat line of thinking that lent itself well to game design, as it turned out. He had a knack for coming up with ideas for Game Changer episodes, albeit with the occasional suggestion that went way beyond the bounds of good taste, and, as in the case of Escape the Greenroom, had devised some blinding twists on concepts Sam had already half-formed. The letter puzzle unlocking the secret door? It was perfect.
Understandably, Sam’s doppelganger had wanted to observe the fruits of their labours in real time, rather than watching the recording later. It happened, sometimes, particularly when it was one of his ideas that had made it through to the episode list—they’d swap places for a session, with nobody being any the wiser. Watching those edits back always felt a bit weird—it was uncanny how flawless the mimicry was—but hey, the guy was right. It was always fun.
Escape the Greenroom, specifically, with its “Samuel Dalton” conceit, provided them with a unique opportunity. Instead of swapping out the camera feed for a recording when the cast piled into the tiny secret room behind the wall, as per the original plan to get Sam in position to be discovered in the bathroom, they could just swap out the people. Sam would go upstairs, and his double would take his place at the podium, ducking out of sight when everyone came back to the main stage to “defuse the bomb”.
Sam was keen—hell, if their situations had been reversed, he’d want to be there to watch, too—but caution raised a flag. “You don’t think it’s too risky?” he’d asked when the subject was first raised. “Both of us being in the same place?”
His doppelganger had shrugged one shoulder with supreme unconcern. “The crew won't notice.”
At the time, Sam had shot him a sceptical look, but right now, Sam-Reich-in-a-purple-tie and Sam-Reich-in-an-orange-tie were standing backstage post-record, clearly visible and and calmly chatting, and not a single member of the crew had given them so much as a second glance.
…Hardly even a first glance, come to think about it. If anyone looked over their way, their eyes seemed to… not exactly go through them, but slide over the two of them like water. He was tempted to wave to Nico or Ash or someone, just out of pure curiosity, but something in the back of his mind told him that wouldn’t be the world’s greatest idea. He had a funny feeling he wouldn’t like to see what would happen next.
(He’d given the prop bomb back to the crew once the cameras stopped rolling, and though it looked the same as the one he remembered from before he’d headed upstairs, it felt different in his hands. Heavier, more… serious, somehow. He was sure nothing would have happened—but at the same time, he was suddenly very glad that the cast had cut the correct wire with no less than a minute fifteen to go.)
(The jury was still out on evil, after all.)
“Worth coming in for?” he asked instead.
“Absolutely,” his double replied with relish. “Locking those three in a small room for an hour? Brilliant, fantastic. Inspired. It was absolute chaos.”
“Have you seen up there?” Sam asked, a smile starting to spread across his face. “They messed up the set real bad.”
His doppelganger smirked at him. “You know it took literally two seconds from you telling them to escape the greenroom for Lou to smash that guitar?”
Sam shook his head. “Oh my god. Yeah, they were stressed.”
“Mmm. Some real panic in that room,” his doppelganger agreed, and Sam chose to ignore the faint note of satisfaction in his voice.
He shifted his weight, settling back to lean against the table behind the set, in the exact instant his double decided to do the same thing. It really was freaky how similar they were, down to the smallest mannerism—like looking in a mirror, only weirder, because the face that looked back at him was truly his own face, not mirror-reversed. Even now, it still caught Sam off guard from time to time, but at least it had faded into a more comfortable kind of strange. He had an exact lookalike who was an actual time-travelling alien. Cool. Doesn’t everyone?
The pair shared a companionable silence for a few moments, before a thought Sam had been turning over for a while rose to the top of his mind. He shifted again, this time on his own, and he felt his double’s regard swing up to fix on him like a magnet.
“Okay, real talk,” he started, and his doppelganger frowned back in an approximation of confused innocence. “What’s all this for?”
“Who says it has to be for anything? Aren't we just having fun?”
Sam hummed, considering. “Yeah. No, I'd believe that, if I didn't sometimes walk into production meetings and find out I'd apparently been very specific about the people I wanted for certain episodes.”
“Point for Sam,” his doppelganger acknowledged with a grin. “You got me. Wasn’t hard to make a few phone calls on our joint behalf.”
“Yeah, but why?” Sam pressed. “I mean, Siobhan, Brennan and Lou are always great comedy value when you put them together, and it was awesome to have them for this, but I get the feeling you’re thinking of something other than making good content.”
“Who, me?”
With that, his double gave him a look of such overdone pantomime innocence that Sam suddenly and thoroughly understood why, not half an hour earlier, Brennan had very seriously threatened to push him down the stairs.
He rolled his eyes, which earned him a smirk for his troubles.
Dropping the act, his doppelganger continued. “I’m expecting an… old friend, I guess, to show up at some point, and—well, I’d like to put on a really special show for them. I thought it would be a good opportunity to try a few things out, you know?”
Ominous pause aside, that was actually kind of sweet. Sweeter than he’d been expecting, that’s for sure—he was half anticipating the revelation that he and his cast were subjects in some weird experiment. Hey, that still couldn’t fully be ruled out, but still.
“Okay,” he acquiesced. “Well… just let me know, next time? Before you start ordering in my cast like takeout?”
“Who says they’re your cast?” his double shot back with a twinkle in his eye, and Sam snorted.
“Fine. Our cast, then. But seriously, let me know?”
His doppelganger nodded, which, if not quite fully convincing, was good enough.
“Oh, and do you know when your friend might be arriving?” Sam asked. “Because if you wanted to plan something, we can—”
“I don’t know,” his doppelganger interrupted. “So yeah, we’ll have to move fast when they do get here. But I’ve got it under control.”
He broke off, then shot Sam a mischievous grin. “In the meantime, though, I’ve had this fun thought about time loops…”
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CAMPSIDE PRANKS 1: Wild gets bored Waiting for Legend
Wild had already cooked heart soup, hearty elixirs, hearty simmered fruit, and had at least two dozen stamina elixirs ready to go for the Vet when he finally woke up from his fever.
There was nothing much else for the heroes to do while they waited for the Hero of Legend to recover.
As morning became afternoon, The Champion put away the clean pots and ladles, and sat on a log, bouncing his knees and looking all around the camp. Time and Four polished armor, Warrior and Hyrule hung up laundry. Sky cleaned and polished leather with Twilight. Wind sat in a tree with Aryll’s spyglass, keeping diligent watch for monsters.
This in-between era provided few clues regarding their place in time, and the Vetern’s fever worried them. They’d ruled out black blood right away, and potions had minimal effect on illnesses, and so they resigned themselves to waiting it out. Luckily, his fever broke in the night.
Wild noticed them watching his bouncing knees. He stopped, and caught sight of the river stones in the stream. They were all oblong and somewhat flat. He grinned, and rushed over to them.
Gathering as many as he could carry, he placed on at Legend’s side, just a few feet from the bedroll. He set another just behind it, and tipped the first. It struck the second nad knocked it down. Grinning wider, he set a trail of stones from the Vet’s side toward the edge of camp and around the perimeter.
Twilight and Sky finished polishing, and chuckled, then brought him more stones.
The others soon joined in, Wind giving ideas for a path from his perch.
By the time Legend woke up, grimacing at the bright late-afternoon sun, he found an audience of grinning heroes surrounding him.
He scowled, and rubbed his face, feeling for signs of charcoal or paint.
“Here,” Hyrule took the tea Wild made and crouched beside him. “You’ve been out for three days with a fever, but it broke last night. Here, this will help.”
He sat up and took it gingerly, surprised at the weakness in his own hands.
“What in Din’s name are you all doing over here?” He rasped.
“We, uh, well, have a surprise for you.” Wild stammered.
“Wild got bored,” Twilight laughed. “Made you something.”
“Did he? Should I be excited, or afraid?” The Vet sipped the tea.
“It starts behind you,” Time offered, and Legend turned around.
Legend stared at it, and quirked up one eyebrow.
“Go ahead. Touch it.” Hyrule smiled.
A trail of stones, barely balancing on their narrow edges, wound from his side and all around the camp, between trees and up and down rises and dips in the forest floor, through a dry creek bed nearby, and circling tightly around the camp, spiraling inward until it ended next to where it began.
Legend touched it.
They all watched the trail of rocks topple one after the other.
Legend’s sleepy grin made it all worth it.
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