#ruminations

[o-craven-canto]

Even in a purely, coldly utilitarian moral system, there are three questions to ask before accepting harmful or destructive Means because they ostensibly lead to a better End:

Do the Means lead to some other negative End, in addition to the intended one? The classical example of the naïve utilitarian doctor who kills a patient in order to harvest their organs and save five patients, in practice, if accepted, leads to general loss of trust in doctors and hospitals and therefore to much greater loss of life; hence, doctors should follow a hard rule of not killing patients to harvest their organs, even if this might save more lives in the shortest term.

Are the Means necessary in order to achieve the End? The negative utility of atrocious Means still ends up in the final account along with the supposed positive utility of the End (and without the penalty for uncertainty that the latter should arguably be given). The Means are as much part of the final state as the End.

Do the Means, in fact, lead to the End? Any consequentialist justification for an atrocity-for-the-greater-good automatically fails if the atrocity does not plausibly bring out the greater good, even before any other consideration is taken. It's all well and good to say that you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs, but (ignoring for the moment that people are arguably owed more consideration than eggs) a large chunk of the 20th century was a sustained and furious festival of egg-crushing and egg-trampling that resulted in precisely zero omelettes.

#ethics #utilitarianism #ruminations

[mynameiselicomics]

Oil.

#actually autistic #writers #autism #comics #original comic #actuallyautistic #my art #actually autism #ruminations #actually neurodivergent #neurodivergent #webcomic

[sluggoonthestreet]

On rainy days, Morton sits and thinks about all the invisible balls he tried to fetch.

#street art #sidewalk chalk #brick wall #anamorphosis #augmented pareidolia #poodle #ruminations

[selfhealingmoments]

rumination – when your psyche becomes consumed with excessive and intrusive thoughts about negative experiences and feelings ⬇ no amount of meditation, self-care, new diets or exercise will turn the clock back. yes, these methods and practices are good for you and your future, but they will not resolve your past. The only way to heal your past is to fully accept what happened and stop looking at it. take a step back and zoom out of things that don't require your attention anymore. ⬆

#ruminations #overthinking #let it go #let go #letting go #keep moving forward #keep going #moving forward #moving on #move on #mental health #self improvement #self reflection #be yourself #new life #self help #inspirational quotes #positivity #new beginnings #toxic partner #toxic person #forget the past #past life #new me #new you #life lessons

[cluster-a-culture-is]

some comparisons between disorders and symptoms

we've been meaning to write this for a while now, because we often receive asks that are like "how do I know if I have a schizospec disorder or (another disorder)?"

so, here are breakdowns of symptoms that affect thoughts, some things we'll take from the EASE for more officiality and clarity

intrusive and impulsive thoughts

intrusive thoughts are by nature aggressive, horrid, macabre, and/or sexual.

they're different from impulsive thoughts. impulsive thoughts are silly, usually fun, are things that wouldn't bring too much harm on yourself or others if acted upon. things you would realistically do in the spur of the moment. they are purely caused by impulsivity.

examples of impulsive thoughts:

thoughts/imagery of breaking some object

thoughts/imagery of sneaking up on a person to give them a scare

thoughts/imagery of impulsive buying, spending, etc

examples of intrusive thoughts:

thoughts/imagery of blood, catastrophes, death, etc

thoughts/imagery of harming yourself/others

thoughts/imagery of sexual harassment, violence, etc

intrusive thoughts are unwanted, cause distress, are met with resistance, and often with attempts to push them away

impulsive thoughts aren't necessarily unwanted, cause minor distress or no distress at all, aren't met with much resistance

intrusive thoughts are a symptom of many, many, many mental health issues and illnesses. though, they also happen in healthy people, occasionally.

the keyword is: occasionally.

when intrusive thoughts become frequent and constant, they become obsessions.

obsessions

obsessions are, simply put, ongoing intrusive thoughts.

they are repetitive, they won't stop showing up no matter how much resistance or attempts to ignore them is shown, and are cause of great distress.

they are often met with attempts to push them away, which can too become frequent and become compulsions.

compulsions are often present with obsessions, but not always, and the reverse is also true. obsessions are often present with compulsions, but not always.

obsessions are the defining feature of OCspec disorders such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (both obsessive and obsessive-compulsive types, but not compulsive type) and body dysmorphic disorder.

ruminations

thoughts/imagery of any past event.

ruminations are frequent and ongoing as obsessions, but they're a bit different depending on the subtype of ruminations.

subtype 1:

the person is unable to find any reason for their tendency to obsessive-like states; they simply rethink and relive what happened during the day/past days – not motivated by perplexity, paranoid attitude, or sense of vulnerability or inferiority.

subtype 2

the obsessive-like states appear as a consequence of a loss of natural evidence, disturbed basic sense of the self, or hyperreflectivity, or they appear to be caused by more primary paranoid phenomena (suspiciousness, self-reference, etc) or a depressive state.

subtype 3

ego-dystonic, as in obsessive-compulsive disorders, with ongoing internal resistance, but a content that is not aggressive, horrid, macabre, or sexual. they're also categorised as true obsessions, but can have a different content.

subtype 4

obsession-like phenomena, which appear more as ego-syntonic (not met with resistance, or only occasionally), and with a content that is directly aggressive, sexually perverse, or otherwise bizarre. they often feature an imaginative character doing the actions, instead of the person who's experiencing the ruminations.

to make it clearer:

intrusive thoughts are unwanted, cause distress, are met with resistance, and often with attempts to push them away. they do not happen regularly, and often aren't a cause of concern, though they are distressing. everyone can experience intrusive thoughts, regardless of if they have a disorder or not.

obsessions are unwanted, cause distress, are met with resistance, and often with attempts to push them away. they happen regularly, often on a daily basis, and often are cause of concern. since they cause distress regularly, they're often basis for a diagnosis of obsessive-compulsive disorders. again, if they don't cause distress, they're not obsessions, they might be ruminations or impulsive thoughts, or something else entirely. they are often, but not always, met with compulsions, rituals, or attempts to ignore them to neutralise the obsession.

ruminations are varied. they all have in common that they happen regularly, often on a daily basis, and they're thoughts/imagery of past events. they can just be (subtype 1); they can be in response to depression, hyperreflectivity such as anxiety, paranoia, suspiciousness, etc (subtype 2); they can be bizarre, met with resistance and distressing as obsessions, but of a different content (subtype 3); they can be of the same content as obsessions, but without the same resistance and without being distressing (subtype 4). though, they can also be met with compulsions, rituals, or attempts to ignore them. they can happen in any disorder, but especially subtype 1 can... just happen, even in healthy people. subtypes 2-4 are frequent in schizospec disorders. subtype 2 is also frequent in other non-schizospec disorders such as anxiety, depression, etc.

#cluster a #stpd #schizotypal pd #szpd #schizoid pd #ppd #paranoid pd #schizospec #schizophrenia spectrum #ocd #obsessive compulsive disorder #body dysmorphic disorder #intrusive thoughts #obsessions #ruminations #long post

[plaidparadscha]

Ocd is awful because you could think that you’ve put your mind at ease once you’ve done/fixed the thing you were ruminating about, then you start over analyzing that one thing again and again, trying to fix it or add onto it just to make it even worse than it was before.

#ocd #actually ocd #pure ocd #ruminations

[acesentialsketches]

Ironically the thing I tend to be most proud of in my TF pieces are not the TF themselves but the things I put/draw around it to support the TF.

I don't really consider myself an environmental artist or a graphic designer so when I can pull them off it makes me happy.

First one is a convention vendor hall table with a bunch of retro gaming references on it, made as the first step to a Chiro the bat TF sequence.

Second is a background for a Yor Forger TF/TG sequence, taking cues from promo art and manga covers of Spy X Family.

Third is Petri's home, from Animal Crossing, using free 3D assets from Clip Studio Paint's

Fourth is a background based on depictions of Spiral Hill Village as seen in Issue #4 of the Sonic the Hedgehog IDW comic, using 3D assets from ARMA 3 because of the game taking place in a Greek island.

#art #ruminations

[keicordelle]

Hmm, thinking about Childe with a Fatui tattoo hidden somewhere on his body. On his ribs or his back or something. And the more comfortable he gets in Liyue, the more tied he gets to Zhongli and to his life there, the more embarrassed he is about it. It feels like it spreads thin, poisoned tendrils from every line of ink to bleed through his person, a tarnished mark. He's not ashamed of what he's done for the sake of his family, but the Fatui ensures you can never leave, and you can never forget.

And when Zhongli strips his shirt free for the first time and reveals that sullied mark upon him, Childe can hardly bear to feel Zhongli's eyes on it, like a promise of betrayal branded onto his skin. But Childe's already betrayed Zhongli, and Zhongli has forgiven him - he knows that Childe is Fatui, he knows how they operate, he knows he'll never be free of him and the risk is always there, but... It's worth it. So he presses his lips against the mark and soothes away the imagined pain with peppered kisses and the gentle brush of his thumb until Childe forgets his embarrassment, forgets his discomfort and his ignominy. And the mark, well, it might never be a symbol of good upon his skin, but it's neutral, at least. A past he can never forget, but that maybe, just maybe, does not have to define his future.

#genshin impact #childe #zhongli #zhongchi #tartali #zhongchili #tartaglia #ruminations #genshin #~K

[bl0w-m3]

I can’t get it out of my head

I can’t get it out of my head

I can’t get it out of my head

I can’t get it out of my head

I can’t get it out of myhead

I cannot get it out of my head.

Get out of my head

#ocd #obsessive compulsive spectrum #obsessive compulsive behavior #obsessive compulsive disorder #mental health #mental illness #ruminations #rumination

[inanator]

Homestuck Liveblog #1:

- These movie references are even more egregious than what I say and that's saying something.

- Reading this comic and knowing jackshit about coding was a mistake.

- "Simping for John's dad saga"

- Rose is the best character so far.

- This is the most aggressively late 2000s thing I have ever read and I read My Immortal.

#finished act 1 here are my main takeaways #homestuck #ruminations

[lostestleo]

7 ways of Ruminating yourself to death:

#ruminations #ruminating thoughts #just ruminating #i am working on it #chronic illness #i am healing #chronic pain #be kind #live and let live #knowledge is power #the more you know #be more kind #be kind to yourself #let go #let it be #lost light #lets be friends #phychology #neurology #brain stuff

[o-craven-canto]

How many different sounds -- reasonably distinguishable by human speakers and listener -- can a language have?

Looking at the table of the International Phonetic Alphabet, consonants are mainly distinguished by place and manner of articulation, which is to say the part of the mouth where the airflow is restricted to produce sound and how that restriction occurs.

The most restrictive consonants are called stops or plosives, which stop the airflow altogether and release it with a burst. The IPA table divides them into seven places of articulation: bilabial (p & b), coronal (t & d), retroflex (ʈ & ɖ, like t & d, but with your tongue curling backward in the mouth, common in Indian languages), palatal (c & ɟ, roughly like ky and gy), velar (k & g), uvular (q & ɢ, similar to k & g but pronounced further back in the mouth), and glottal (ʔ, the Bri'ish glo'al stop) (there is also an epiglottal stop ʡ which I really don't understand). Sometimes you also see labiodental stops (p̪, b̪) pronounced by touching lower lip and upper teeth, like the first sound in the German Pferd. The coronal t & d can be divided in dental, alveolar, and postalveolar, depending on where exactly the tip of your tongue touches your teeth, but distinguishing those is not common. (Though Dahalo distinguishes laminal and apical t & d, so produced with the blade vs. the tip of your tongue). Oh, and there's the labiovelar stops (k͡p, ɡ͡b) of African languages such as Igbo and Yoruba, which actually combines two places into one; and the linguolabial stops made by touching your tongue against your upper lip (t̼, d̼).

The stops in each of these places, except for the glottal, can also be articulated in different ways. The "basic" way is called voiceless (p t k). Then there is voiced articulation, in which your vocal chords vibrate to make the sound slightly more sonorous (b d g). Then they can be aspirated (pʰ tʰ kʰ, compare "t" in "top" vs. "stop": the first is released with a slight puff of air). They can also be both voiced and aspirated at the same time (bʱ dʱ gʱ, like in the original pronunciation of Buddha). Then there are ejectives (pʼ tʼ kʼ, like in Maya), when air is ejected from the mouth without passing through the throat at all, and implosives (ɓ ɗ ɠ, like in Vietnamese), where air goes the other way creating a "gulping" sound. There's such a thing as "nasal" and "lateral release" of stops, but from what I find they are not treated as distinct sounds from the standard form.

So using only stops gives us 10 places (bilabial, labiodental, linguolabial, laminal dental, apical dental, retroflex, palatal, velar, uvular, labiovelar) x 6 (voiceless, voiced, aspirated, voiced + aspirated, ejective, implosive) + 2 (glottal & epiglottal stops) = 62 distinct consonantal sounds. Good start.

The second-most restrictive manner of articulation is that of nasals, which close the mouth completely and redirect air through the nasal passage. The places of articulation are largely the same: bilabial (m), labiodental (ɱ, the "m" in "amphor"), linguolabial (n̼), coronal (n), retroflex (ɳ, like n but curling the tongue backward), palatal (ɲ, like "ni" in "onion" or Spanish ñ), velar (ŋ, like "ng" in "sing"), uvular (ɴ, the "n" in Japanese san), and the co-articulated labial-velar ŋ͡m (like m and ng at the same time). They can be both voiced and voiceless, even though the latter are rare. That makes for 10x2 = 20 nasal consonants.

Then come fricatives, which make hissing or buzzing sounds. Again similar places: bilabial (ɸ β, pronounced with lips almost touching, e.g. the first sound of Japanese Fuji), labiodental (f v), dental (θ ð, the "th" of "thigh" and "thy") linguolabial (θ̼ ð̼, see earlier), alveolar (s z), postalveolar (ʃ ʒ, like the central sounds of "fission" and "vision"), palato-alveolar (ɕ ʑ, like ʃ ʒ but with the tongue pushing forward), retroflex (ʂ ʐ, like ʃ ʒ but with the tongue curling backward), palatal (ç ʝ, the first like the "h" in "hue"), velar (x ɣ, the first like the "ch" in Bach), uvular (χ ʁ, like the previous but further back in the throat), epiglottal (ħ ʕ, don't ask), and glottal (h ɦ). Each of these can, again, be voiceless, voiced, or (except the last two) ejective. There is also a mysterious "palatal-velar" ɧ that seems to exist only in Swedish. I'm counting 11x3 + 2x2 + 1 = 38 fricative sounds.

Actually, there is a second row of lateral fricatives, in which air passses by the sides of the tongue. The most common is coronal (ɬ ɮ, like "ll" in Welsh), but there's also retroflex (ꞎ), palatal (ʎ̝), and velar (ʟ̝). All voiced or voiceless, so 8 more fricatives for a total of 46.

Approximants are yet looser. We got labiodental ʋ (the Hindi pronunciation of "v", kinda halfway between English v and w), coronal ɹ (a common English pronunciation of "r"), retroflex ɻ, palatal j ("y" in "year"), velar ɰ (an extremely soft sound, sometimes "g" between vowels in Spanish), and glottal ʔ̞, which I'm not counting because I think it's the same as a vowel modification we'll get to later. Oh, and then labiovelars (voiced w as in "wealth" and voiceless ʍ as in "whale") and labial-palatal ɥ (as "u" in French nuit). I think they could all be voiced and voiceless, so that's 7x2 = 14 approximants.

But approximants can be lateral too, with what you could call the "L series": coronal l (and its velarized counterpart ɫ as in "lull"), retroflex , ɭ, palatal ʎ (as "gl" in Italian), velar ʟ (as "l" in "alga"), and uvular ʟ̠. So thats 5x2 = 10 more to make 24.

Then taps or flaps. I'm not familiar with these, except that the coronal flap ɾ is how Spanish -r- and American English -tt- may sound between vowels. Then there's bilabial ⱱ̟, labiodental ⱱ, linguolabial ɾ̼, retroflex ɽ, uvular ɢ̆, and epiglottal ʡ̆. Adding the voiceless and lateral (and both) versions recorded in the chart, I get to 15 taps.

Finally there's trills. We get bilabial ʙ (a kind of raspberry sound), coronal r (the "rolled r"), retroflex ɽr (?), uvular ʀ (French "r"), and epiglottal ʜ & ʢ (which are sometimes among fricatives). Add unvoiced for all, and we get 5x2 = 10 trills.

No, wait. There's affricates too, which are really stops + fricatives (including lateral) of the same place of articulation. Each affricate can also be voiced vs. voiceless (except the glottal) and aspirated vs. not (except the epiglottal), so I believe that makes 15x4 + 2 + 1 = 63 affricates.

No, wait. There's still the clicks. They may be used only in languages from Southern Africa, but that's no excuse not to count them. I don't understand them perfectly, but the basic types seem to be bilabial ʘ (basically lip-smacking), dental ǀ (tsk), alveolar ǃ (like doing a clopping sound with your tongue), palatal ǂ, retroflex ‼ (don't ask me about these), and lateral ǁ (a clicking sound with the side of the tongue). Each of them can be voiceless or voiced, aspirated or not, nasalized or glottalized or have 6 types of pulmonic countour or 5 types of ejective contour, plus a preglottalized nasal type and an egressive only for the labial click (please don't ask me). I believe that makes for... 6 x ((4x3) + 6 + 5 + 1) + 1 = 145 potential click sounds, and some Khoisan languages go pretty close to using them all.

That's not quite all -- I haven't counted nasalization or glottalization of most types of consonants, for example, but by my count we have put together 62 stops + 20 nasals + 46 fricatives + 24 approximants + 15 taps + 10 trills + 63 affricates + 145 clicks = 385 distinct consonants sounds.

To be continued with the vowels.

#language #languages #phonology #numbers #ruminations

[oneunexpected]

Happy TUC20! Last year, for the fifth anniversary of TUC Week, I wanted to create a playlist for every book in the series with one song per chapter. Well, I never got around for it, but when I saw @prophecyofgray's event I decided I’d use it as a second chance!

So, here’s my chapter-by-chapter playlist for Gregor the Overlander, with a brief description of why I chose each song. This one was tough, because so much of it is exposition, but I hope you enjoy and tune in to a couple of tracks during your (re)read! Click here to listen on Spotify. If you're gonna listen to anything, listen to Track 24, that's my favorite :)

1 - Could Be a Curse by Kaina - I almost went with Bruce Springsteen’s “Dancing in the Dark” for this one, because I wanted to capture how cooped up Gregor feels, and I think both songs capture that feeling of wanting more out of your life than you’re getting. I went with Could Be a Curse because the line “What if I die here, holding my breath” reminds me of Gregor at this point — he’s spent the last few years of his life holding his breath, wondering about his father’s fate.

2 - Come Along by Cosmo Sheldrake - Gregor and Boots meet the cockroaches and run to Regalia in this chapter. Cosmo Sheldrake’s music has such a unique and almost fantastical quality to it, and I thought this would be a good choice to represent how strange this new world is to Gregor and how quickly he’s whisked off into it.

3 - Uninvited by Alanis Morisette - This song goes hard. It was written for a movie about a fallen angel, so it captures the whole “I’m curious about you but also I don’t feel like you belong” dynamic Luxa and Gregor have in this chapter.

4 - Sound and Color by Alabama Shakes - “A new world hangs / Outside the window / Beautiful and strange.” Just another song I thought would be good for Gregor’s introduction to the Underland, especially with its line, “No more to see the setting of the sun.” Of course, Gregor’s only goal is to see the sun again.

5 - Plainsong by The Cure - I chose this song more for its sound than its lyrics. The shimmery, quiet chimes that begin the track give way to this explosion of synthy strings and bass, and I chose that to represent Gregor walking through the moths and seeing Regalia for the first time.

6 - Hotel California by The Eagles - Honestly I could not decide what song to use for this chapter. I nearly used the song I ended up using for chapter 10, but I went with this classic mostly for the line, “I had to find the passage back to the place I was before.” Gregor is realizing the fate of every other Overlander that falls, and he’s also beginning to realize he is something of a captive, so I think the song’s concept of a too-good-to-be-true place that traps all who enter fits well.

7 - Sinnerman by Nina Simone - One of the greatest songs ever, used here to try to replicate the chaos of Gregor on the run from the Regalians on the river, not knowing what danger waits for him.

8 - Come Away to the Water by Maroon 5 and Rozzi - The first of many tracks I stole from The Hunger Games soundtrack. Shoutout to Suzanne for reusing themes. This song is creepy, kind of charming, and intended to lure the listener to a slaughter — perfect for the gnawers, who in this chapter promise to hunt Gregor to the last rat, matching well with the song’s refrain, “We are coming for you.”

9 - Eight by Sleeping at Last - I was stumped on this one, so I turned to Sleeping at Last, whom everyone in the fandom was obsessed with before I joined tumblr. This chapter gives us the first glimpse behind Luxa’s walls as we learn of her parents’ fate. The lyrics “I was little, weak and perfectly naive / And I grew up too quick” match her very well, and frankly, they match Gregor, too.

10 - Run Daddy Run by Miranda Lambert - Another THG classic that fits too well. “Mama’s been crying in the kitchen / Sister’s been scared of the dark / I’ve been gathering the pieces of all these shattered hearts” represents Gregor’s family situation in the wake of his father’s disappearance all too well. In this chapter, Gregor finds out his dad is alive but held captive, and the chorus “Daddy, can you hear the devil drawing near? / Like a bullet from a gun, run, Daddy, run” fit the situation well for me.

11 - Baba O’Riley by The Who - Another chapter I was stumped by, but I ended up focusing on Gregor choosing to bring Boots on the journey for this track. I liked the line “don’t cry, don’t raise your eyes” for the idea of bringing a toddler on a deadly trek. This song depicts hope in a period of war, and I feel like this is the chapter where Gregor really begins to believe finding his dad is possible.

12 - Yellow Light by Of Monsters and Men - This is a good TUC song, through and through. I chose it for this chapter because of the line “Ignore all those big warning signs,” because this chapter has a lot of those. This is the first time we get a hint of Solovet’s true character, and it’s also the chapter where an inconsolable Nerissa foretells Henry will meet some fate worse than death.

13 - Electric Co. by U2 - U2 is my favorite band, so you’ll get a lot of them in these playlists. Sorry that I have the music taste of a 50-year-old man. Anyways, this chapter is where Luxa and Henry dare Gregor to jump off the side of the cliff, and also the chapter where Gregor learns Henry’s parents were killed by rats. “Boy, stupid boy / Don’t sit at the table / until you’re able to” reminded me of Gregor’s inability to hang with Luxa and Henry, but the whole song, which is about this young man careening out of control, reminded me of Henry.

14 - Cut the World by Anohni - This is the chapter where the questers have a discussion on whether or not weak individuals are worthy of protection, and Luxa is extremely passive on the topic. This is a beautiful song I almost saved for Marks of Secret because I think it’s a good song for her, and MoS is really her book in my eyes, but I decided to use it here. “For so long I’ve obeyed / That feminine decree / I’ve always contained / Your desire to hurt me / But when will I turn and cut the world” are good lyrics for Luxa, who is unwilling to take a stand here (but eventually does “cut the world” on behalf of those who can’t defend themselves in the fourth book, as we know). But I also like the song for the crawlers, who take abuse from every other species — Temp and Tick can hear this whole conversation about whether or not they’re worthy of living! — and survive regardless.

15 - Road Drum by Mozart Gabriel - This song has a strong beat, but it’s still pretty quiet, which I liked for the ring dance the crawlers perform. The song’s lyrics depict aid from spiders and foxes that the protagonist receives as they run from evil, and I liked the way that matched with Gregor splitting off from the group and running away from the battle with the gnawers and ultimately ends up in a spinner’s web.

16 - Roslyn by Bon Iver and St. Vincent - Song selected mostly for vibes, and also because I like the line “Wings wouldn’t help you down,” which is a little nose since Gregor’s imprisoned dozens of feet off the ground. This song’s kind of a bummer, which is a good enough fit since Gregor’s trapped wondering if all of his friends are dead and if he’ll ever be able to find his father, but it also has a pretty melody, hopefully a little similar to the sort of lullaby the spinners play to calm down Boots.

17 - Acrobat by U2 - Another Luxa song that I almost saved for Marks of Secret. It’s a little too on the nose, maybe, because this is the chapter where Luxa and Aurora the Coiler to allow everyone to escape. “And I must be an acrobat / To talk like this and act like that” fits Luxa well at this point in her character arc — a bratty 11-year-old who seems haughty and cold, only to have these moments where her brave, selfless core is revealed.

18 - We’re Going to be Friends by The White Stripes - this is a gentle song for a relatively gentle chapter, a sort of breath of fresh air. Gregor saving Luxa with root beer (and then letting her try it after) is a turning point in their relationship, and Boots pouring out a little for everyone to try is one of the most harmonious moments we get in the whole book.

19 - The House of the Rising Sun as performed by The Animals - “Oh mothers, tell your children / Not to do what I have done.” I love this song for Ripred. I love the way it sounds, and I love its lyrical content. Obviously, he’s not a man destitute in New Orleans, but he is certainly a cynical old rat who recognizes all the ways he’s gone wrong. In terms of regrets, it’s also a good song for Vikus, who is staring down his own mistakes in this chapter.

20 - Sympathy by Vampire Weekend - Ah, the mutual need song. Also the Gregor-Luxa-Ripred triumvirate song. “Enemies for centuries / Until there was a third” is pretty good for them, right? This is sort of a tongue-in-cheek piece about what we’re willing to do, and what we’re willing to look past, so long as we have a common enemy, so I think it’s perfect for Gregor and Ripred’s famous conversation, and also for the spiders joining the quest now that their backs are to the wall.

21 - Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls - This chapter was so tough for me. We got Gox drinking Treflex, we got Luxa talking about how she tells herself she’s gonna die every morning and Gregor realizing that’s not too different from what he does, we got a more in-depth description of bonding, and somehow I ended up with Iris, which I know has become kinda tacky. I thought a song about wanting someone to really understand you was fitting for a chapter about bonds, but also fitting for Luxa talking about how her parents’ death affected her.

22 - Little Dark Age by MGMT - Not really much to explain here. Every character is miserable in this chapter, and something about this song reminds me of Henry’s increasingly concerning behavior. “Forgiving who you are for what you stand to gain?” Sounds Henry-ish!

23 - 500 Miles by Peter, Paul and Mary - Tick’s death is a point of no return for Gregor in this whole series, the first major loss he experiences. Even beyond the grief of losing Tick, the situation in this chapter is so desolate, with Boots sick and all of the horrible things Gregor has witnessed finally catching up with him. “500 Miles” is about homesickness, but also recognizing that you can’t return, and the saddest line to me is “Lord, I can’t go home this way.” Gregor can’t go home, yet, either, since he hasn’t found his father.

24 - Until The End of the World by U2 - If you listen to any song here, PLEASE listen to this one. I made this whole series of playlists just to work this one in. It tells the story of Judas and Jesus, from Judas’ point of view, which is so, so perfect for Henry and his relationship with Ares and Luxa. I love the way this song sounds — I can just imagine those opening notes when Gregor decides what he’s going to do — but my favorite part is the outro. This technically happens in the next chapter, but “Waves of regret and waves of joy / I reached out for the one I tried to destroy / You / You said you’d wait until the end of the world” is such a perfect thing for Henry’s demise because of Ares’ decision to break the bond.

25 - King and Lionheart by Of Monsters and Men - “And as the world comes to an end / I’ll be there to hold your hand / Because you’re my king and I’m your lionheart” makes me cryyyyyy for Gregor and his dad in this chapter. Gregor’s been so brave for so long, and the reunion they have when his father finally becomes lucid again is the best moment in the book, even though scores of rats are waiting to tear them apart.

26 - Drowning Man by U2 - Another chapter, another U2 song, this one for Gregor bonding with Ares. The whole song is a good bonding song, but the lyrics “Take my hand / You know I’ll be there if you can / I’ll cross the skies for your love” remind me the most of their particular situation, down to Gregor begging Ares to recite the verse back.

27 - A Sort of Homecoming by U2 - Perhaps Prophecy of Bane will have less U2 songs. Good Lord. Anyways, I chose this song for “Oh don’t sorrow, no, don’t weep / For tonight, at last, I am coming home / I am coming home” and the whole “you’re scarred for life but at least you’ve made it home” vibe of this song as Gregor, his dad and Boots finally make it back to Grace.

#tuc20 #tuc20: gto #ruminations #gregor the overlander #underland chronicles

[blazehedgehog]

Ruminating today on the fact that despite overwhelming opinion that adopting Twitter's visual layout for Tumblr is a Really Bad Terrible Idea, @staff has probably erected walls to protect themselves from the (undoubtedly) tidal wave of hatred they're getting over this decision. I imagine a percentage of those are the internet's favorite interaction: death threats.

And it just makes me think about the nature of communication on the internet. How people reach the point where they feel like it's okay to send death threats. The places I've been, mentally, where you feel like you aren't being heard, so you escalate. And escalate. And escalate. Desperate for so much as even a flicker, or a flinch. And how that's lead to two distinct patterns:

People make this their default mode of communication, because so many bigger websites shuffle you off to an "assistant" robot or an unhelpful FAQ page, or, in the truly best case scenario, you speak to an actual human but your feedback still falls on deaf ears anyway.

Any sufficiently large (or growing) website erects taller and taller walls to shield themselves from the louder and louder contingent of unsatisfied users, which in themselves grow with the site.

It creates a literal arms race that doesn't just poison one specific platform, but all interactions across the entire internet. It engineers a certain type of user whose default response to any forced change is going thermonuclear. And it's like the boy who cried wolf, eroding the meaning of what's really being said. All the while nobody really stops to think why.

Anyway so far I've been spared the new Tumblr layout but I've seen images of it and it definitely carries the smell of desperation as Tumblr tries to catch stray Twitter users on the rebound.

#ruminations #navel gazing #twitter #tumblr #save us xkit

[her-hands-and-teeth]

Hmmmm… how to prepare to usher someone else into a role that some days even I- in my years of experience- feel inadequate in?

I think it must be like what being a teacher has been for me: a remaking of the self through the guiding of someone else. I lead a new priestess to the Goddess’ hands, into Her service, and in doing so I feel a shift, a chance to be a better priestess myself. After all, all those years ago one of the very first and most critical tasks She set me to was to bring other women into Her embrace. In a few brilliant, shining cases I have succeeded. Maybe it’s just my hungry, greedy nature that says it isn’t enough. Not nearly enough, yet.

At the end of the day, all I can do is lead my sister to the edge. How she takes her dive into this role and what kind of priestess she will be entirely depends on her and the Mother. But I know that witnessing it will be one of my greatest joys.

#ruminations #goddess worship #goddess religion #mother goddess #priestess

[plaidparadscha]

Feeling guilty while also having Ocd is the worst feeling ever.

I’m already feeling guilty and my Ocd is just making it worse and I’ll start ruminating about it constantly and it’ll be about something I did when I was 12.

#ocd #actually ocd #guilt #ruminating thoughts #ruminations