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youngerdrgrey · 3 years

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the only way to get over someone... // a Batwoman fic

About: SPOILERS FOR THE SEASON TWO FINALE / post-2x18 / season two finale — After the s2 finale, Ryan tries to be a good 'friend' to Sophie, but it does not go the way she planned (feat. an extended cut of the similar tastes in conversation).

Notes: Don’t read if you haven’t seen the finale. This picks up at the end of the Kate and Ryan scene, then continues on from there because my WildMoore heart wanted to. Under the cut because spoilers + read on ao3

Kate Kane is leaving, and Ryan might need some time to fully process that. Kate’s opposite her, comfortably seated on the corner of their desk. The beer bottle clinks against the edge of it as Kate covers her bases. The suit’s staying with Ryan.

Kate starts, “As for Mary and Luke….”

Ryan jumps in with a smile. “They are my family, and I am going to take care of them.” No questions asked. Though, with Luke and his new super suit, she will definitely have help in keeping their family safe.

“Thank you.” Kate smiles back at Ryan. “And Sophie?”

Not family. Not in the traditional sense, at least. She’s family-adjacent at best. She’s… she’s Sophie, the same person who ruined Ryan’s life and relationship multiple times, and the same person who helped Ryan build them both back up.

Ryan quirks her head from side to side. “Can I get back to you on that?” The repetition gets another grin out of Kate. Worry still shines in Kate’s eyes though. Ryan admits, “She’s saved me a lot more than she’s hurt me, so, I guess I can look out for her too.”

Kate sighs in relief. “Good. She’ll need it. She’s not invincible, Ryan. Mary told me all about the two of you going back and forth over Cluemaster. She’s tough, but Sophie’s a lot more fragile than she seems.”

Ryan has seen a bit of that. Sophie does her best to hide the cracks in her armor, but Coryana in particular stripped down a layer. Her fear for Jordan took another, even her concern for Ryan in these last few days wore at it. “And you’re about to break her heart.”

Kate nods. She seems so sure that looking for Bruce is the right move. Maybe that’s what a good trip of Snake Bite can offer: clarity. Not that Ryan’s interested in joining Kate on that other side.

“Help her through it?”

Ryan jokes, “I’ll make sure she finds a suitable rebound. There’s a pretty great lesbian bar here.”

Kate’s eyes twinkle. “Keeping it close to home?”

Ryan does not like the implication in that question. She redirects the conversation. “Call us every once in a while. And make sure to tell Mary how much you miss her. She won’t admit it, but she loves to hear it. And maybe text Parker too. That girl is so hungry for gay mentorship. And —”

“I get it. I will keep in contact.”

Ryan aims her beer bottle at Kate like a threat. “You better. Don’t make me come find you. I almost died the last time.”

But Sophie saved her then. Ryan can always do the same.

Sophie does not know what to do with herself now. There’s no guidebook on what to do when the love of your life comes back from the dead, then promptly leaves to search for her cousin. No FAQ with tips on how to handle making out with said love of your life either.

There’s a knock on her door. A hopeful part of her immediately thinks it’s Kate. Sophie will open the door, and Kate will drop down her duffel bag and helmet and say, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Sophie rushes to the door. Throws it open and — oh, of course. Ryan gives her an apologetic smile from the other side of it.

“I know I’m probably not who you want to see right now….” Ryan starts. Her arms shift around two resusable grocery bags with overflowing snacks and wine bottles. A backpack bumps them from her shoulder. She offers another smile. “I brought supplies. And I’m here to keep you company through the heartache and to take you up on your offer.”

That explains the backpack. Sophie checks, “Kate’s leaving tomorrow?”

Ryan nods. “Tonight’s her last night in the loft, and my only night crashing on your couch. If the offer still stands?”

She seems hopeful too, and nervous, like she’s bracing herself for Sophie to close the door in her face.

Sophie hasn’t exactly had any company at her place. Not since Julia. It wouldn’t hurt to have someone here tonight. Make her laugh, make her smile.

Sophie steps back to let Ryan in. Ryan glides forward. Sophie closes the door and leans back against it so she can watch Ryan take in the space.

Ryan does a full turn in the entrance. “Damn, you got it like this?” She whistles low in appreciation. Her platform converse pad along the hardwood flooring between the front door and the living room. It’s spacious with the most comfortable couch Sophie’s ever owned, her favorite coffee table, and a large TV, courtesy of a Black Friday sale two years ago. This place isn’t as nice as her old apartment with Tyler, but it’s still one of the nicer places that Gotham has to offer.

Ryan glances back at Sophie, and she realizes she should probably answer the playful question.

“I barely got it like this. Say what you want about my comphet marriage,” Sophie pushes off the door to approach Ryan in the living room, “the dual incomes made life a lot easier.” She winces. Any income. “I may have to downsize again now that I’m unemployed.”

Ryan sets her bags down on the coffee table. “Just work with Luke.”

Sophie’s eyebrows raise in confusion. “In real estate?”

Ryan gives Sophie an equally confused look. “He still daylights as Head of Wayne Security. If you work there too, it’ll make Bat stuff that much easier.”

Oh. “I… hadn’t thought about that.”

“Bat stuff or what comes next?” Ryan asks.

“Honestly? Any of it.” Sure, Ryan has called Sophie now that Sophie knows the truth. They’ve teamed up, and they really did a great job last night during the blackout. All signs point to Sophie officially being a part of the team. She simply doesn’t want to assume and get hurt in the process.

Ryan reads her silence and rolls her eyes. “Consider this your Bat Team orientation. We mostly work nights, though there are the occasional work trips. We went to a beautiful island this year for a company retreat.”

Sophie can play along. “I think I’ve been there. Shame about the fire.”

Ryan nods with a faux somber expression. “Beautiful sight, even if it did almost kill me. Oh, and we have full medical benefits, so long as you go to Mary and Mary alone. No overtime. No days off. But you get to make Gotham a better place.”

Sophie pretends to think it over. “Is there a uniform?”

“Only for me. The rest of the staff comes as they are.”

“Lucky them.”

Ryan pops the collar on her flannel shirt. “You should see me in my suit.” It fits Ryan in all the right places for being protective wear. Sophie will never say that though. Ryan’s cocky enough without being complimented.

Sophie eyes the bags. “So what’s the plan?”

Ryan perks up, their earlier bit forgotten. “Anything we want. I’ve got face masks —” She tugs them out to show Sophie. “Candy and snacks. Most of it’s vegan, so I can enjoy it too. I brought wine that I took from the bar. We can blast angry, pop music, or do sad girl karaoke. Ooh, you can call Kate a bitch again.”

“I called Circe a bitch,” Sophie clarifies.

Ryan waves that off. “She deserved it.”

“Well, she’s gone so….” Sophie shrugs because that is the point, isn’t it? She glances around her one bedroom apartment — the effects of her last break-up — and logs the empty spots on the walls where old art would’ve gone. There’s space on the bookshelves from the books Tyler took with him. After the divorce, Sophie had to physically sort through her life. What does she do now when there’s nothing to pack up, or send away?

Sophie admits, “I’ve never had another person for this. Though, Kate and I did have a better goodbye than we usually do.” Even saying that puts a little smile in the corner of Sophie’s lips.

Of course Ryan clocks it. “Oh, y’all had a good-bye then.”

Sophie’s smile gets bigger as she licks her lips. A very good bye. As the rest of the conversation filters back in, Sophie’s smile shrinks. “She wants me to go for something easier.”

Ryan hums in understanding. “Long distance isn’t great, especially when you have no idea where she’ll be.”

“Are we still talking about Kate?” Sophie asks. Angelique’s out there somewhere. Ryan spent the majority of their working relationship hating Sophie because of Angelique. If Ryan’s still hung up on her….

Ryan shrugs. “We’re all getting over someone. I am just much further along than you.”

Honestly, direct communication is not something Sophie is interested in right now. She doesn’t want to think about whether Ryan misses Angelique, or how much Sophie will miss Kate when the reality sets in. She doesn’t want to think about Imani, or the fact that Ryan has had a whole mini-relationship in these last few months while Sophie’s been frozen in grief and time.

“You know what they say, the best way to get over someone…” Sophie lets the sentence hang a moment as Ryan’s eyebrows inch higher and higher up her hairline. Sophie laughs before finishing, “is to watch a movie with a friend. You pick.”

The way Ryan’s face lights up with the power is absolutely worth whatever disaster will take up the next two hours of Sophie’s life. “Let me see what you got.”

As Sophie brings two glasses of wine over to the living room, Ryan puts a throw pillow on the ground and tells Sophie to sit on it.

“But the couch—”

“Is for me!” Ryan plops down with her feet on either side of the pillow. She looks like they’ve got church in the morning and the hot comb’s smoking on the tray beside her. “You know the set up,” Ryan says.

“True. Care to tell me why?” Sophie’s hair is fine.

Ryan’s nose quirks up the way it does when she needs to keep her emotions in check. She shrinks into her chest. “When I was sad, my mama used to play with my hair. She’d claim that she was oiling my scalp, but mostly, she ran her fingers through it. Gave me a little massage until I felt better, or went to sleep. I am willing to do that for you, if you want to actually relax.”

Relaxing does sound better than drinking a lot of wine and crying. Besides, Ryan studies Sophie’s face like she wants to find every crack and smooth it over. How could Sophie say no?

She sets the wine down and sits onto the pillow. Instinct takes over as she scoots back until her back’s to the couch and rests her neck against the side of the cushion. Ryan does a little happy dance that shakes the couch. She presses play on the movie, and Sophie watches the credits. She does. She sees that much for sure. But once Ryan slips her fingers into Sophie’s hair, Sophie tunes all the way out.

A light lavender scent hits her nose each time Ryan’s hands shift towards the crown of her head. Did Ryan put on a perfume, or is that an essential oil? Lavender’s meant to be calming. Soothing. Sophie wants to drown in it.

As Ryan massages her way along Sophie’s scalp, the world melts away. No pain, no drama, just a weightlessness that eases down her body and makes her want to cry. Her body sinks into the softness. The peace and stability of knowing hands and the right amount of pressure to send tingles through her skin. Then Ryan’s short nails get involved, lightly scratching, and Sophie barely bites down on a moan.

Ryan must still hear it. A little chuckle shakes the couch. She doesn’t comment thankfully. Sophie doesn’t have the energy to be embarrassed right now. Too lost in the feel of Ryan’s hands on her. If this is what Ryan can do with just Sophie’s head —

Sophie’s eyes fly open. She needs to get a grip.

Ryan’s fingers snake down to Sophie’s shoulders. Again, the only grip Sophie can focus on is Ryan’s. Sophie lasts another few minutes of this high before sighing out, “Marry me.”

She figures Ryan will laugh at that too. They’ve joked enough about dates, both in and out of the cowl. Ryan doesn’t even stop touching her. Ryan leans down rather than keeping the distance. The shift in position tightens her thighs on either side of where Sophie sits. She waits until her breath is a warm whisper against Sophie’s ear to let out the sexiest little laugh. Sophie genuinely stops breathing.

“If you think this is good, you’re not ready.”

In an instant, Sophie would really like to be. Ready, willing, anything and everything if it feels this good and Ryan stays this close to her. Her face is on fire as she turns her head to see Ryan. Fuck, Ryan’s lips are right there. Teasing and parted, and Ryan’s tongue dips out to wet them. Sophie drags her gaze up from Ryan’s lips to meet Ryan’s hooded, sparkling eyes. Oh she knows exactly what she’s doing to Sophie. She’s enjoying this.

Ryan’s voice still sounds teasing. “Watch the movie, Sophie.”

“I’ll watch what I want to watch,” Sophie shoots back.

Ryan takes that as the challenge it is. She holds the stare and kneads her thumbs into the backs of Sophie’s shoulders. Sophie’s eyelids flutter, and she struggles again to keep from audibly moaning. At least this time, she catches the little gulp Ryan does.

Ryan scoots back onto the couch, up to her full — albeit little — seated height. Sophie turns further, and she tries not to think too hard about looking up at Ryan from between Ryan’s legs. It must be on her face though since Ryan actually averts her eyes.

“Soph....” Ryan’s voice strains. “Stop it.”

“Stop what?” Ryan started it with that ‘if you think this is good’ comment. She is not putting this back on Sophie.

Ryan groans, flustered in a way that should not look as cute as it does. “You know what! You — we — just look over there.” She takes a hand off Sophie to point back at the TV. “I am trying to be a good friend right now. To both of you.”

And there goes the fun. Sophie turns back to the TV. She really has no idea what’s happening in this movie. She doesn’t want to ask either. They’re damn near fifteen minutes in. She’s not going back in the movie, or with life. She’s not going to break down over losing Kate again. She has no reason to. She’s spent more time with Ryan this week than she did with Kate. She’s fine.

Ryan clears her throat. “Talking with her today was, like, everything I’d imagined it would be. She’s funny and witty, and she has great taste in everything. Present company included. I can see why you’d love her. And why it would be easier to not try to deal with those feelings of loss all over again.”

Sophie drops her head back against the couch. Her ceiling’s not nearly as interesting to look at as Ryan. Or Kate. “Do we have to do this?”

“We’re not doing anything else so….” Her narrowed eyes say exactly what she means by ‘anything else.’

“There are other things, Ryan.” Besides giving in to the tension that flares between them, besides shifting an already unstable dynamic past its breaking point. Probably many, many times.

Ryan holds her hands together in her lap. “Well, you’re clearly not interested in the movie, so: your call. What does the great Sophie Moore want to do with her break up night?”

Sophie’s eyes dance as she gets up to kneel in front of Ryan. (Yes, Ryan glances at her through what looks like a haze of lust and concern. Yes, she blinks, and all that emotion slips back under the base gleam in Ryan’s eyes. No, Sophie does not want to think about how many times Ryan might’ve looked at her like this without ever noticing.)

“Well, Ryan Wilder, there is one thing that I have been dying to do.”

“You have to— Sophie, please listen before we end up falling.” Ryan glares up at Sophie. They’re standing on a building that Ryan says is the best jumping point to the Bat-roof. It’s lower down, which is probably why Sophie has never seen either of the Batwomen coming.

Ryan’s face is torn between excitement and dread at sharing her red and black baton with Sophie. She repeats for the third time which button to press to shoot the grappling hook, how to angle the body, and how to land so they don’t fall off the roof.

“I’m listening,” Sophie swears. She adjusts her stance so her feet are wide like Ryan instructed. She angles her body towards the other roof — their roof. She takes a steadying breath and gently plucks Ryan’s hand off the other end of the baton.

Ryan steps in to wrap her arms around Sophie’s waist. “You have to brace yourself for landing. And please do not let go of me. I’m holding on, but—”

“I won’t let go,” Sophie assures her. She wraps her left arm around Ryan and holds tight to the baton with her right. Okay, another steadying breath, and she jams her thumb into the button. The wire flies out, and in a breath, they soar up through the air. Wind whips around them, and Ryan squeezes so tight that her face is nearly in Sophie’s chest.

For her assurances, Sophie does not stick the landing. She stumbles the moment the wire ends, and Ryan stumbles with her. Both of them clatter onto the Bat-roof with a groan and a laugh and a tangle of limbs that ends with them side by side on the roof’s floor.

The air around them is quiet and warm and still has a hint of the smoke from all the fires in Gotham yesterday. Sophie has the fleeting thought that it might be easier with Ryan than she ever expected. What ‘it’ is, well, Sophie blinks that away.

She props herself up on her elbows. “Can we go again?”

Ryan laughs. “No recovery period with you.”

Sophie gets up and offers her hand to Ryan, who takes it without hesitation. She tugs harder than she needs to. Ryan pops up with little more than a breath between them. She uses her free hand to tuck Ryan’s hair behind her ear. Lets her finger trail down Ryan’s neck.

Sophie whispers, “Oh, Wilder, you have no idea.” Ryan’s dramatic groan of reply makes Sophie laugh harder than she has all day. "Come on, round two."

Ryan pouts as Sophie heads for the stairs. Ryan points out, "I normally just jump off."

"What's the rush?" Sophie holds the door open for Ryan to come with her. "We've got all the time in the world."

a/n: We made it through season two, and I love these two so much. What about you?

#batwoman #batwoman fic #wildmoore #ryan wilder #sophie moore #ryan x sophie #mine #batwoman: s2 #batwoman: 218 #kate kane #kate x ryan #but not in a ship way just in a tag way

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salemsbones · 3 years

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Lonely Stars Chapter 3

Trigger Warnings: child abuse, homophobia, homophobic slurs, conversion therapy, internalized homophobia

Age 13 The red and black velvet dress I wore was uncomfortable. I missed wearing Sirius' old t-shirts he bought from the Muggle world and soft jeans around the Ravenclaw common room when I wasn't required to wear the black robes. But even the uniformed robes were much more comfortable than this ensemble Mother had insisted I wear to dinner tonight. I sat at the large dinner table in the dining room. The table was made from such rich and polished mahogany wood that I could practically see my reflection on the surface, and across the table I could see where my brother Sirius had carved his initials onto the beautiful wood much to my Mother's demise. Sirius had not attended this family dinner as he had chosen to spend the beginning of the winter holidays with the Potters instead of us, it stung a small amount that he chose to spend more time with friends rather than his own blood. Beside me sat Regulus as always, his hair had grown to a slightly ragged mullet that he was attempting to grow longer similar to Sirius, we had used almost a full package of bobby pins in order to hide the messiness from our parents. Regulus also shifted uncomfortably, while I know he often wore dress pants and shirts while not in uniform at Hogwarts, he chose to more comfortable materials rather than the stiff bleached cotton he was currently wearing. To an outsider, this family dinner may have just looked quiet, but in reality you could cut the tension between my family members with a knife. Barely fifty words had been spoken between my parents and I since I had returned home four days ago. While Regulus was given more attention than I, I knew it made him uncomfortable to watch me be ignored or shushed while speaking. "When is Sirius coming home?" I ask, looking at both my Mother and Father who sit at the head of the table but on opposite sides. My Father sighed and placed his fork and knife down on his plate before looking up at me, he wiped the corners of his mouth with the blood red cloth napkin he had. "Sirius will be returning tomorrow morning. We will be sending a driver to collect him as usual Aurelia." "He will be here just in time for the Christmas banquet." My Mother piped up, looking at me. The majority of the meal was ate in silence, with the quiet squeal of a knife running along the china plates or the tiny clinks of the dishes as they were cleared and another course of food replaced the empty dishes. "Regulus, your Mother tells me that you may try out for Quidditch in the fall? Is this correct son?" Father inquires, looking at Regulus with interest. Regulus clears his throat after taking a sip of his water and looks at our Father and nods, "Yes, I'm thinking of trying out for Seeker," He smiles as he speaks, a gleam in his pale grey eyes. "Well you did always have a eye for things Regulus," My Mother smiles, raising her cup of red wine towards him in admiration. "And very good grades from what we hear from your professors!" Father boasted, a smile now on his face. Regulus was smiling with pride, until he saw my face with a fake smile on it. I try to be happy for my brother, I'm very happy with his accomplishments, but it would be nice to get the same encouragement from my parents that he got. "You should ask Lia about her semester, I heard it was very interesting," Regulus smiled, trying to focus the conversation on me instead of him. "Aurelia, how was your semester?" My Mother asks, her voice had less enthusiasm than when she was speaking to Regulus. "I've been learning about undetectable poisons in Potions. I like my Potions partner, she's very good," I smiled, thinking about my Potions partner and hoping she was enjoying her winter holiday. "Nice Slytherin girl?" My Mother inquired, hoping I was choosing to interact as closely to Slytherins as possible. "She's in Hufflepuff actually, she made this joke that I could've poisoned her at any time and she wouldn't even know. She has beautiful brown eyes and her voice is so-" I was cut off by the clanging of my Father's silverware hitting the china plate and by the look on his face, he was not impressed. He placed his elbows on the table, his hands folding into a fist, his eyebrows were raised and his mouth slanted down into a disapproving frown, "Are you a dyke?" He snarled, spitting out the words like venom. My stomach dropped and I could feel my heart begin to speed up. "I- um," I stuttered, taken aback by my Father's choice of words and question. Below the table I could feel Regulus taking my pinky in his and giving it a light squeeze, he was here for me no matter the answer I gave my Father. "Well?" My Father's voice boomed, the word echoing around the large room. "Is my daughter a dyke?" I stammered to an answer, I honestly had never thought about my sexuality in depth before, I had heard my brothers talk about girls that they found attractive, or maybe it was mostly Sirius talking and Regulus just nodding along. But I also couldn't remember if Sirius used the words "she" and "her" while speaking of his newest crush. "No Sir. I'm- I'm not a dyke." My voice faltered and I could tell my Father didn't believe me. "First a blood traitor like her brother and now a fucking dyke." My Father spat, shaking his head in disapproval. I lowered my gaze to the polished table, watching a single tear fall down my cheek in the reflection. Regulus gave my hand a squeeze, causing me to look at him give me a small nod that my parents didn't notice. "Aurelia, we will discuss this after dinner." My Mother said, her voice clear but stern. "Do you understand me?" I gave a small nod, keeping my gaze down, "Yes ma'am I understand." <> The dishes had been cleared away by the House Elves and now it was my Mother and I alone in the dining room. Father had led Regulus away to discuss try outs in autumn for Quidditch, Regulus quickly looked at me before leaving the room and gave me another quick nod, everything would be okay, it was just a discussion after all. "Did your Father's comment upset you Aurelia?" My Mother questioned, rising from her seat and coming closer to me. I raised my head and gave a small nod, her heels clicked against the marble floor as she got closer to me. Sirius had once called that sound "The Clicks of Doom", and it wasn't until this day that I truly understood the meaning behind that name. She took my hand and pulled me up from my seat, her boney fingers tilting my chin up to look her in the eye. Her face was stern, her mouth tilted downward into a slight frown, one of her perfectly manicured eyebrows slightly raised, "Do you have feelings for this Hufflepuff girl?" "I don't know Mother, I haven't thought about it." I whispered, she hummed at my answer. She circled me, looking at me up and down. "Aurelia, you are a daughter of the Noble Black family, do you understand what that means?" I chose to stay silent, fearing if I were to say the wrong answer she was looking for. "That means that we have a reputation to uphold. And your little behaviors do not suit the Black family name." I nod slowly, "Yes Mother. I understand, I'll try better." She retreated to where she was standing behind me, I could hear the rustle of fabric moving and a quick murmur of the word Imperio and then suddenly I felt calm and very at ease, I wasn't nervous about my family's tainted reputation anymore. "You will not have romantic feelings for women anymore Aurelia." <> The red wine I was holding was staring to warm. I stood near the wall of the banquet hall, trying to avoid speaking to anyone unless I absolutely had to, Regulus had said he would try to distract people from me, which was abnormal considering normally he would agree to steer conversations to topics I enjoyed, but tonight I was thankful as I wasn't in the mood to act a certain way. I glance over to the large clock mounted on the wall, Sirius was supposed to arrive this morning but the sun had set and was no where to be seen. Maybe he had decided to spend more time with the Potters instead, but even if he had decided to do that he could've at least sent an owl or picked up the phone. I sigh and take a sip of the wine I was holding, it was bitter and warm, not for my taste. Across the banquet hall Regulus was speaking about his plans for after Hogwarts graduation, I don't know if what he said was true or if it was just to please the ears his words were spilling onto. I notice a tall blonde haired girl walk across the floor, her turquoise dress trailing behind her, the fabric hugged her curves beautifully, her long hair cascaded down her shoulders in soft waves that framed her heart shaped face perfectly. I was so entranced by this girl that I hardly noticed when a arm was draped over my own shoulder.

"Hello little sister," A cheerful voice sung and I looked up to see the face of my brother Sirius standing beside me. "Sirius," I breathed, so happy that he was finally here. I hugged him tightly, not wanting to let go. Sirius was a buffer between me and the disappointment or shame my parents felt about me. He made me focus on other things than their shame, like new Muggle music he had discovered or his new fascination with motorbikes. He smirked as he took the wine glass from my hand and took a big swing, but quickly made a face of disgust after swallowing. "Merlin, Mother has shit taste in wine." "Shit taste in banquets too," I smiled as Sirius chuckled. "Where were you? You were supposed to be here this morning," "Ah well, I was ready to come home this morning and waiting patiently all day for the driver that Mother and Father conveniently 'forgot' to send. So the Potters drove me after I let them convince me not to hitchhike all the way home." I hummed at his story, Sirius and his dramatics never failed to make me smile. We stood silently for a few minutes like this, his arm wrapped around my shoulders and me just being content around his presence. "So, as I am your eldest and best brother," Sirius smirked. "I must do my brotherly duties and ask about you," "Oh Sirius, don't start." I smiled but let him continue. "How are you doing, how's your grades, James, Remus and Peter send their love." He smiles as he spoke. "I send all my love back," "Speaking of love," He smirked, drawing out the word love to which I rolled my eyes. "Got your eyes on anyone special these days? Any boys? Or any girls- I don't judge." Suddenly, I was repulsed, taking a step away from Sirius, "That's disgusting. I could never do something so vile or wrong." I snarl at him, my eyes narrowing as I became angry. But Sirius only tilted his head and raised an eyebrow, "And is that why you were eyeing that lovely lady over there? Because it's disgusting? Because I think you find her attractive." I bit my lip, "I could never do something so damaging to the Black name." My words taste like poison in my mouth. His eyebrow was still raised, "You couldn't or is it because someone said you couldn't?" My breath falters as I ponder his question. The girl was beautiful just like I thought she was, and like how Sirius mentioned, but when I thought that there was something inside of my body that twisted and felt sick. "I think she's beaut-" Suddenly something in my stomach gave me a sharp pain and I couldn't even finish my sentence without feeling as if I were about to vomit. I felt Sirius' warm hand on my back and I quickly look at my Mother who was chatting to old friends, hanging onto my Father like a lifeline. "Did they do something to you Lia?" Sirius asks quietly with a hushed voice. "I- I like girrrr- gir-" The pain in my stomach was back, making me dizzy. "But I- I can't do it or I will be a disappointment." Sirius closed his eyes for a moment, sighing through his nose before wrapping his arm around my shoulder again and pulling me close. "It's okay, don't force it. I understand. I'm right here Lia."

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omgyouatetheprincess · 4 years

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Janus’ Playlist

AHH JANUS' PLAYLIST LETS GOO

Not that anyone asked for my opinions

Okay so I'd like to start by saying that Thomas, Joan and Talyn did an amazing job on this playlist because every song fits Janus so perfectly.

Here are some of my thoughts on the songs and some interpretations I came up with or found on the internet.

Trigger Warnings - abortion. Mocking of religion.

Black Hole Sun - okay at first I was like 'wow this is really smooth and nice and the vocals are so sweet.' Then I heard the lyrics. "In disguises no one knows,

Hides the face, lies the snake". It's such a Deceit song and I imagine him dancing to it (with or without a partner).

Black Hole Sun by Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox, Haley Reinhart

It Seemed That Better Way - holy heck, can I point out that this song is such a bop? Leonard Cohen has such a soothing voice and it reminds me of Patrick Page (aha Hadestown) and if Janus wasn't played by Thomas, I could imagine this as his voice. The song is about not knowing what the truth is and what to believe, and has religious meanings which could be countering Patton and his Catholic beliefs.

It Seemed The Better Way by Leonard Cohen

Anywhere - I feel like Patton would hate this because the first line is "It's a beautiful world if you've been lied to by parents and priests". Anywhere describes how the world isn't a beautiful as it may seem, and that people lie to make you see it.

Anywhere by The Scarring Party

Talking At The Same Time - it is immediately dark and that everything seems fake and a... Lie. A lot of Deceit's songs are about the truth or that everything is a lie and I have to give massive kudos to Thomas, Joan and Talyn because they did an excellent job portraying Janus through his music taste. The song describes how everyone talks at the same time, and what I interpret that as is that everyone says the same thing over and over. It's hard to explain so I'll let you make your own interpretations of it.

Talking At The Same Time by Tom Waits

all the good girls go to hell - I'm not going to lie (ha) but I don't like Billie Eyelash, but I'll see past the artist. My first thought when I saw the song without hearing it is that it's a good choice and Janus probably loves Billie Eilish. Spotify has meanings of songs so I'm going to go off there: "This song is in the perspective of the Devil / no matter how good you are, desperate measures will eventually break you / turn you into bad." I feel like Deceit would sing this around the house. This song is twisting Christian symbolism and the lyrics can be interpreted as Eilish praising people who go to hell as it's better than being morally good. (Also, just switch Peter with Patton)

all the bad girls go to hell by Billie Eilish

Denial - KDJIEKAKSNDENIAL? In Putting Others First, Janus is referred to as Denial and now this song? Everyone start clapping for Thomas and his team. Anyway, the song discusses themes of conflict within a relationship, and the denial and insecurity of being in a relationship near it’s end (source: Genius). Also, Roceit vibes?

Denial by The Vaccines

Trust In Me - first of all, heck yeah! I predicted this song to be on his playlist because it's a slimy snake song from Disney? Hello this is Thomas? I think it's a great song and Johansson's voice is angelic. Kaa is manipulating and hypnotizing Mowgli, and if Deceit could do the same you can bet your bottom dollar he would sing this. We love our not-evil snake boi.

Trust In Me by Scarlett Johansson

Razzle Dazzle - Janus singing this with Roman? Yes please? Okay so I get that this is a villian song, and I love that, but imagine Deceit in a shiny sequenced dress? I also haven't seen Chicago yet so I'm going off what I've heard - this song describes how it is too easy to put on a show and make the audience happy. Basically, acting is just professional lying. The line "Though you are stiffer than a girder they'll let you get away with murder" is so clever (no spoilers but he had it coming)

Razzle Dazzle by Richard Gere

[SLIGHT HADESTOWN SPOILERS]

When The Chips Are Down - I hecking love Hadestown so you can bet I squealed when I saw this song. This song is sung by the fates, who are portrayed at untrustworthy. The title of this song is derived from the idiom “when the chips are down”, meaning “when a very serious and difficult situation arises”. Eurydice is in potentially one of the most serious and difficult situations she could be in: her life is at stake. After Hades invites Eurydice to come with him to Hadestown, the Fates appear and encourage her to consider his offer. They tell her that she should look after herself now that she is starving and the “chips are down”. (Source: Genius). In my own words, the fates are convincing (or manipulating if you will) a poor helpless girl to put herself first and save herself. It also mentions how if you be good to get into heaven,you get a knife in the back.

Go listen to Hadestown, it's an incredible soundtrack.

When The Chips Are Down by Anaïs Mitchell, The Haden Triplets

[TW! Abortion]

Mandy Goes to Med School - okay so this song is about abortion, so we'll have to go off context. Mandy (or Amanda Palmer) has to pay for Medical School by giving abortions in an alleyway with a coat hanger, so I interpret this as having to do shady stuff to get what you want. I think him and Remus would enjoy this song together. I'd also like to note that Logan had a song by Amanda Palmer in his playlist... That isn't relevant but I wanted to note that.

Mandy Goes to Med School by The Dresden Dolls

I Put A Spell On You - 50SOG vibes? I really like this song, it has a nice rhythm and the lyrics are so creepy. This gives me vibes of Deceit cornering/pining another side/love interest because if our baby boy wants to be happy, he should. This is similar to Trust In Me because it talks about enchanting someone to get what you want. "I don't care if you don't want me, I'm yours right now." Chills. Janus singing this song would complete my life.

Also the singer calls the love interest daddy but we ain't shaming

I Put A Spell On You by Nina Simone

Evil Night Together - well the title has evil in it so... Perfect for our Evil Snake Boi. This song gives me huge Demus/Receit vibes because it's basically like "let's go on a date in the creepiest place."

What if we drank a drink in the torture chambers... Haha jk ...unless 🥺

Evil Night Together by Jill Tracy

Don't Tell Mama - another musical song? Roman would be impressed. This song is about an English singer, who's mother thinks she's in a convent (a nun), when really she's in a German s3x club. You can really tell why it would be so bad if her secret got out.

Don't Tell Mama by John Kander, Joel Grey, Jill Hawarth, Cabaret Ensemble, Harold Hastings

You're A Cad - definition of a cad: a man who behaves dishonourably, especially towards a woman... This song has a nice beat and gives me TikTok vibes, but it also gives me Moceit vibes (I say vibes too much) because the singer is saying "you're a villain, a cad, a rascal... But I'm like a fish on a hook for you and I still want you." Also, she has a sweet tooth?

You're A Cad by the bird and the bee

As Far As I Can See - all aboard the angst train, CHOO-CHOO "As far as I can see, nobody loves me. As far as I can tell, nobody loves you either" this song gives me such Roceit vibes because the meaning is pretty simple: if nobody loves Janus, then he'll take everyone down with him. I knew there would be that one song that tries to make me cry for our poor baby.

As Far As I Can See by Phantogram

Criminal - first of all, the cover is beautiful. Apple describes the song as “a description of feeling bad for getting something so easily by using your sexuality.” She also told in an interview: "One of my friends said to me, “Oh yeah, of course you aren’t writing.” So I was like, “The next time you see me, I’m gonna have a new song.” I wrote “Criminal” in 45 minutes when everyone else went to lunch because I had to have a hit. I can force myself to do the work, but only if someone is right up behind me." Which is the level of pettiness I see in Deceit and I am here for it. The context of the song is seduction and manipulation, so Janus using his sexuality to manipulate the other Sides is a cursed thought.

Criminal by Fiona Apple

Change - if any of them listened to Lana Del Rey, I sort of expected it to be Virgil. Change shows how Del Rey has matured, and I feel like it also portrays Janus' ability to adapt. "Change is a powerful thing... I'll be able to be honest..." Does this mean he's trying to change? Will we get more character development? LIGHT SIDE JANUS?

Change by Lana Del Rey

Devil In The Details - this song is about trusting the wrong person and taking advantage of something. "I am the first one I deceive if I can make myself believe the rest is easy.". More angst, yay.

Devil In The Details by Bright Eyes

Come Little Children - if you had a My Little Pony phase, you probably know this song. Come Little Children, also known as "Sarah's Theme" and "Garden of Magic," is a song sung by Sarah Sanderson in the film, Hocus Pocus to hypnotize children to lure them. Manipulation: a common theme.

Come Little Children by Erutan

Into The Unknown - I was really shocked to see this song until I realized, no, it wasn't the same iconic theme from Frozen 2. This short song is from Over The Garden Wall, a show Thomas watches but I have not. "If dreams can't come true, then why not pretend?" The show plays heavily on the battle between dreams and reality (source: Genius). The way I see this, Janus is convincing the Light Sides to do something, or specifically Roman to make his dreams come true through selfish means.

Into The Unknown by The Blasting Company

This playlist is one of the best because every song had me saying “Janus would so sing this". If you have any thoughts, feel free to comment!

As always, take it easy guys gals and non-binary pals peace out

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peace-coast-island · 3 years

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Diary of a Junebug

A visit to Coral Beach

What a fun time at the beach! Coral Beach is such a lovely place - from the clear blue waters and colorful mosaics scattered throughout the boardwalk, it's one of those places ideal for vacationing based on appearance alone. No photoshopping necessary when it comes to taking pictures here!

I'm surprised that I haven't visited the beach sooner since it's about an hour away from the camp. In fact, there's still so many places nearby that I haven't been to yet. The trip was kinda a spur of the moment kind of thing Pancetti, Audie, Snooty, Lyman, and I planned at the last minute. By chance I ran into an old friend who's vacationing there too and now she's coming back with us.

So we spent a couple days at Coral Beach exploring the sights and enjoying the resort and then tomorrow we're heading back to the camp. Of course, I also spent the time catching up with Desi, who's been enjoying the seaside scenery.

Desi Rivera's an aspiring singer-songwriter who hopes to make it big one day. Right now though, she's jumping off the ladder and starting from scratch. It's a risky move, but I think it's a necessary one. Given her talent and ambition, I know that Desi will come out stronger than ever.

I met Desi at summer camp years ago. Even though we only spent one summer together, we kept in touch for a while after that. The summer camp thing was something our parents made us do and to be honest it wasn't really our thing so they didn't push us when we told them that there wasn't going to be a next summer. The experience wasn't terrible - I did make a friend after all - but summer camp and I just didn't click at all. Now that I think about it, it's kinda interesting that as an adult I'm running a camp right now - though this and summer camp are totally different.

Since Desi lived in the town nearby we often ran into each other. As we got older contact became sporadic but we occasionally said hi to each other when our paths crossed. Then as adults we regained contact on social media and have been keeping up with each other since then. Desi often posts covers and original songs, which is how she got her online following. She could've easily made it big if it weren't for certain people.

Desi's journey as a singer-songwriter is sure to become an interesting one. Ever since she could talk, Desi knew she wanted to be a singer. She always had a nice voice, one that became more refined as she got older. Talented songwriter too, with an honest and poetic way with words. And it's a damn shame that her talent has been consistently overshadowed and sidelined for white mediocrity.

Yup, I said it - mediocrity. No disrespect to Meghan Tyler and Too Cool - I mean I can see their commercial appeal, but for the most part, their music is bland and forgettable. Music tastes aside, it is pretty impressive that Desi was in the same circles as people like Meghan and Joe of the Shayne Brothers.

Desi first met the two at a camp for aspiring musicians, the well known Camp Music. She was one of many talented nobodies who wanted a glimpse at stardom. Meghan Tyler is the daughter of pop star Ann Tyler, and it was her who ran the camp, the typical queen bee. I happened to cross paths with Meghan and her friends online (unrelated reasons) and they always gave me a vibe of a high school clique. I interacted with her indirectly a couple times but then actively avoided her when her friends stirred up drama. It's one thing to vagueblog about an ex-friend who screwed you over, it's another to ruin someone's reputation by claiming that they faked their trauma just because you had a petty falling out with them.

Then there's Joe Shayne, best known as the lead singer for the Shayne Brothers. He was amazed by Desi's voice and took an interest in her. The two started off kinda rough with Joe pushing his boundaries and Desi rightfully calling him out on his entitled behavior. The whole thing was kinda like a Cinderella story with Joe trying to figure out who was the singer he overheard while passing by while Desi tried too hard to impress him after realizing who he was. By the end of the summer, they began dating, becoming regulars at Camp Music for the next several years.

Despite what the others were saying, Desi and Joe were going strong for eight years. Desi was associated with the Shayne Brothers, which was a blessing and a curse. As much as she liked Joe and his brothers, she didn't want to be known solely because of her connection to them. They were going to get engaged until last year when Desi broke things off. According to her, things had been kinda rough for a while but they tried - probably a bit too hard, in her words - to stay together. They're still friends but Desi thinks in a year or two they'll drift away, which I think is what she wants.

On one hand it's kinda sad since they've been together for so long. And from what I've heard about Joe, being with Desi helped him a lot as before he met her he was on his way to becoming a short tempered almost has-been. Basically, she made him shape up and consider his future seriously. But aside from their love of music, Desi and Joe were from completely different worlds. In the years since they got together, they've grown into two different people. The two have spoken openly about their breakup and it seems like it's for the best. Sometimes things just don't work out in the end and that's okay.

As for Meghan, Desi always had a complicated relationship with her. Being the fish out of water, Desi tried to impress Meghan, even if it meant dumbing down herself to please Meghan's ego. There was always some sort of competition between them with Desi constantly feeling like she has to prove herself. While Meghan did help Desi out with her connections and fame, Desi never felt she earned her recognition, another reason why she wanted to start from the ground up.

For years Desi was part of Meghan's band, Too Cool. While Desi occasionally had some solos that charted, she and the other members were always overshadowed by Meghan. She considers the whole experience a mixed bag, one that started out exciting but in the end the bad outweighed the good.

A few months ago, not too long after leaving Too Cool, Desi did an insightful interview for a magazine where she spoke honestly about her ups and downs with the band as well as her breakup with Joe. I always felt that she deserved better than Too Cool, especially after reading the interview. From being constantly referred to as "the Mexican one" even though she stated multiple times she's Cuban, to being told to sing slightly off key in order to make Meghan sound better - no wonder she wanted out. It's an eye opening read on the ugly side of the music industry, particularly on how WOC artists are treated.

Following her departure, another member and longtime friend of Meghan, Maria Silva, also left the band for similar reasons. She too had also spoken out about the racism she experienced, having been constantly referred to as "the Chinese one" despite being Filipino. I don't know Maria too well but she comes across as genuine and I wish her well on her solo endeavors.

Right now Desi's taking a break on music, though not entirely. She's been writing songs and making demos but it'll be a while before she releases something. For now Desi wants to celebrate her freedom, starting with a long, well deserved vacation. Then once she's had enough rest and relaxation, she plans to jump back into the music scene with a bang, this time on her own terms with her calling all the shots.

Desi's been teasing me and the campers with what she has in store. In light of the racism she experienced with Too Cool, Desi wants to embrace her Cuban culture more than ever, starting with the music. Mainstream pop radio hits aren't her thing anymore, so she's going for a new sound inspired by her Cuban roots along with her usual pop rock style she's got going on since she began writing songs. She's also considering the idea of doing an album in Spanish, though that'll depend on a lot of factors.

It's nice to see her so excited and passionate about her music - that's one of the things I love about her! Like I said, Desi's got talent and ambition, and I know that she'll successfully make a name for herself without Meghan or Joe's shadows. I mean, the demos I've heard already sound a million times better than pretty much everything Too Cool has done - imagine how the final product will be! Once the album comes out, I'll be one of the first in line to buy and download a copy.

We met up with Desi by chance at the hotel, her room being upstairs. She's been traveling around, crossing off places where she always wanted to visit. So far she's crossed off four places from her list. After Coral Beach she was debating on Hero's Tunnel and Swan Park since they're right next to each other. Since the camp's along the way, I invited her over and hopefully during her time there, she can make up her mind on where to visit first. I know she'll enjoy the camp, especially Saltwater Shores since she's a beach gal.

Coral Beach is such a beautiful place. One of the first things we did when we got there was to pose in front of the fountain and toss a bell in for a wish. Then we checked into the Coral Beach Hotel, where we got a lovely view of the ocean and fountain.

The architecture of the hotel is so pretty, it reminds me of an old village on a tropical island. Along the boardwalk are charming little shops and cafes where we got to enjoy shaved ice and fine handmade souvenirs. I got a set of cute floral teacups, a dot grid notebook with a pretty mosaic cover, a gorgeous seashell necklace, and a painted ukulele.

We went swimming and snorkeling in the ocean, where we got to see the pretty coral the place is known for. Nature can be so fascinating sometimes - the coral really does look like fancy lace! I also collected a bunch of pretty seashells like pearl oysters, which are pretty rare, as well as pink oyster shells and obsidian shells, something I've never seen before. Desi suggested that we go parasailing - her new favorite activity as of recently - so that's what we did and it was a lot of fun! We also went surfing, watched a performance at the theater, shared cocktails during happy hour, and explored the gardens.

Today we went to a mosaic workshop and made some cool decor. Then we went to a ceramics shop where we watched how bowls were made, which was pretty cool. After that we had a late lunch at Sash, where we had poke and butter mochi. Next door was a bookstore where we browsed for a while and then we spent a couple hours at the beach before heading to the hotel for dinner.

Since we aren't leaving until tomorrow afternoon, we had some time to kill so we spent it at the pool, lounging around. Desi says she's looking forward to seeing the camp and meeting up with Daisy Jane. It's so good seeing Desi relaxed and having a great time, especially after what she had to put up with during her time with Too Cool.

It's getting late now and I still have a little bit of packing left to do. The ocean's so pretty at this time of night, the way the light of the stars reflect on the water like sparkles. I can't wait to come back in the near future.

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Mass Effect: Best Star Trek References and Easter Eggs

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Look, it’s not exactly a secret that Mass Effect has a little Star Trek in its DNA. It’s a franchise all about assembling a crew comprised of humans and aliens as you explore the furthest reaches of space and try your best to romance a few of those humans and aliens. It’s safe to say someone on the Mass Effect development teams watched an episode or two of Star Trek.

So while Mass Effect is, in some ways, a giant tribute to Star Trek and several other notable sci-fi works, there are a few ways that the Mass Effect games reference Star Trek that you may not have spotted unless you’re a hardcore Star Trek fan who also explored the furthest reaches of Mass Effect‘s galaxy.

From suspicious lines of dialog to familiar voices, these are some of the best Star Trek references and Easter eggs you’ll find in the Mass Effect trilogy.

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The Borg and The Geth

As a race of networked AI who utilize a “hivemind” system and have to deal with the occasional dissenter, there are clearly similarities between Mass Effect‘s Geth and Star Trek‘s Borg that can’t be ignored.

Having said that, some fans have pointed out that the designs and philosophies of the Geth could also be a nod to Battlestar Galactica‘s Cylons. It should also be noted that Mass Effect‘s Reapers are often treated as a mysterious galactic threat similar to how the Borg were described in early TNG episodes.

The Thorian and Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan’s Ceti Eels

In Mass Effect, you’ll encounter a sentient plant known as a Thorian. If this almost slug-like creature with the ability to use painful spores to control people’s minds seems oddly familiar, that’s likely because it’s almost certainly a reference to the Ceti Eels that Khan used to control people in one of Star Trek 2‘s most memorable scenes.

In fact, there’s a memorable moment in Mass Effect when Fai Dan shoots himself after ignoring a Thorian order to kill Shepard. It’s an almost exact recreation of a Wrath of Khan scene in which Captain Terrel uses a phaser on himself after disobeying Khan and the influence of the Ceti Eels.

Cerebus and Section 31

In Star Trek: Deep Space 9, we learn there’s a special section of Starfleet known simply as Section 31. They’re kind of a “wetworks” organization that has operated with and without Star Fleet’s support over the years. Through it all, they claim to promote “security” through whatever means necessary.

The Cerebus group in Mass Effect serve a similar purpose, with the biggest difference being that Cerebus has long been a kind of “splinter” group that operates independently to protect human interest (allegedly) on a galactic scale whereas Section 31 did seemingly operate with Starfleet’s support (at least for a time).

The Normandy’s Poker Table

While it’s a bit of a shame you don’t really get to do much with the poker table on the Normandy, the fact there’s a poker table so prominently featured on a spaceship has to be a callback to the poker table frequently used by the Enterprise crew in Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Actually, TNG‘s poker table was such an important part of the ship (at least to key members of the crew) that it was even the centerpiece of the final scene in TNG‘s last episode, “All Good Things…”

Kenneth Donnelly is (Accidentally?) a Scotty Tribute

As a spaceship engineer with a heavy Scottish accent, it’s easy to assume that Mass Effect‘s Kenneth Donnelly was designed to be an obvious homage to Star Trek‘s Montgomery “Scotty” Scott.

However, Mass Effect level designer Dusty Everman has previously stated that the similarities between those two weren’t planned from the start and really only came to life as the result of voice actor John Ullyatt’s performance choices and a bit of coincidence. Actually, Everman (or someone convincingly posing as him once upon a time) stated that Donnelly’s accent was based on his wife’s love of Ewan McGregor and that the original plan was for female Shepard players to be able to romance him.

“Yes! Exhilarating, Isn’t It?”

One of Mass Effect‘s better Star Trek references happens when Shepard warns a Krogan that the area around them is collapsing and the Krogan replies “Exhilarating, isn’t it?”

The same line is spoken by Christopher Lloyd in Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock under spiritually similar circumstances. Lloyd even portrays a Klingon in the film, and the Krogan have been called a Klingon-like race.

Various Star Trek Actors Voice Characters in the Mass Effect Franchise

If you’ve ever wondered just how much Star Trek influenced Mass Effect, look no further than Mass Effect‘s voice actor cast list.

Marina Sirtis, Armin Shimerman, Keith Szarabajka, Dwight Schultz…the Mass Effect cast is packed with actors arguably best known for their roles in various Star Trek series and films. Michael Dorn (who famously portrayed Worf in Star Trek: TNG) even voices a Krogan in Mass Effect 2.

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“This is… it’s green?”

While visiting the Dark Star lounge, Mass Effect‘s Commander Shepard receives an alien drink and remarks “This is… it’s green?” The line is a clear callback to a Star Trek: TOS episode called “By Any Other Name” in which Scotty picks up a strange bottle and makes the same comment.

In fact, Data says a similar line in the TNG episode “Relics” while pouring a mysterious green drink for…Scotty.

Mordin Solus and Data Have Similar Taste in Music

Mordin Solus’ love of music isn’t just one of the best Mass Effect companion’s most loveable attributes, it’s an apparent nod to Data: the also hyper-intelligent, also slightly detached Star Trek: TNG character who also loves to sing.

Actually, Solus and Data seem to share an appreciation for Gilbert and Sullivan as the two sing the duo’s greatest hits in their respective series.

“Goodbye Little Wing” and Deanna Troi

Matriarch Benezia isn’t just one of the more memorable side characters in the original Mass Effect; she’s another one of those characters in the Mass Effect franchise you may have not realized was voiced by a Star Trek alumni. Yes, Benezia is played by none other than Deanna Troi actress Marina Sirtis.

Best of all, there’s a moment in the first Mass Effect when Benezia says “Goodbye little wing, I have always been proud of you” shortly before dying. It’s an odd phrase that might make a little more sense when you realize that Troi’s mother was always calling her “little one” in TNG.

“When Your World Seems Hollow, We Help You Touch the Sky”

This one has to be in the running for the honor of “most obscure” Star Trek reference in any Mass Effect game.

In Mass Effect‘s Bring Down The Sky DLC, there is a radio shack located between two fusion torches. Go inside it, and you’ll find a log filled with unused radio promo spots. The script for one of those spots reads “If you are feeling hollow, we can help you touch the sky.” What is that supposed to mean?

Well, it seems to be a nod to a Star Trek: TOS Season 3 episode called “For The World Is Hollow And I Have Touched The Sky.” In that episode, an old man living atop a mountain tells the Enterprise crew “the world is hollow and I have touched the sky.”

The Systems Alliance Logo Looks Very Familiar…

Mass Effect‘s Systems Alliance is an Earth coalition responsible for representing the interests of humans in Citadel space. There are obviously many organizations in several notable sci-fi works with similar responsibilities, but there’s little doubt that the Systems Alliance is intended to refer to Star Trek‘s Starfleet.

In fact, the Systems Alliance logo bears a strong resemblance to the Starfleet logo from later Star Trek series and films. It’s not exactly a 1:1 copy, but it’s impossible not to spot the similarities once you start looking for them.

“Karora is Essentially a Great Rock in Space”

You’ll find another surprisingly subtle Star Trek reference in Mass Effect 2 when you request more information on a planet named Karora. The Normandy’s computer will inform you that “Karora is essentially a great rock in space, tidally locked to Amada.”

As it just so happens, Spock describes the Regula planet that the Enterprise crew encounters in Star Trek 2 as “essentially a great rock in space.” Maybe the wording is common enough to be a coincidence, but given all the other clear Star Trek references in Mass Effect, it feels like an intentional tribute.

The post Mass Effect: Best Star Trek References and Easter Eggs appeared first on Den of Geek.

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doomonfilm · 3 years

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Thoughts : Ganja & Hess (1973)

I’m not sure how it got by me when Spike Lee released Da Sweet Blood of Jesus, but I was somehow unaware of the fact that the film was a remake of the Bill Gunn underground classic Ganja & Hess, which I’d heard of but had not had the pleasure of seeing. With Black History Month approaching, and a plan in place to use my timeline to voice examples of unjust killings, I decided to use the DOOMonFILM - FIlm Discussion Group as a platform to celebrate Black creatives. On the same day that I shared an article about Bill Gunn to the page, the I Saw What You Did podcast covered him as well, and I took that as a sign to finally dive into his catalog, with Ganja & Hess being the obvious entry point.

Dr. Hess Green (Duane Jones) is the personal doctor for George Meda (Bill Gunn), a man with a vampiric addiction to human blood that must be satisfied in order for him to survive. After contemplating a failed suicide, George Meda decides to attack Hess in his sleep, stabbing him with a ceremonial dagger that passes the vampirism forward to Hess before finally succeeding in killing himself. For a brief time, Hess attempts to feed on the blood he is able to find and obtain from victims without drawing attention to himself, but one day, Ganja Meda��(Marlene Clark), the estranged wife of George, returns home. Ganja and Hess quickly form a romantic bond, and eventually Ganja discovers George’s body, but rather than be fearful, her relationship with Hess deepens, and the two are eventually married. For a time, they share their exploits, but eventually the pair is forced to make tough personal decisions that directly impact their relationship.

For a vampire film made in the heart of the exploitation (and blaxploitation era), Ganja & Hess is surprisingly high-brow, intellectual and poetic in its approach. Rather than linger on scenes of vampires creeping in the shadows, glamourizing themselves and hammering home their bloodlust to the point of being ridiculous, the film treats its vampiric characters as sympathetic victims, similar to someone with a drug addiction that fuels their actions and desires. To that end, when Hess becomes the new victim, we are forced to share in his torture and despair, rather than find entertainment in his potential adventures and folly. When served up Ganja on a silver platter, he would rather retreat in shame to curb his addiction to blood rather than use her as a source of food, even when Ganja chooses to display the less favorable aspects of her character. Ganja & Hess also takes a brief stint to focus on Black identity, among all of the other topics it handles, with the same amount of grace and subtle touch as said topics... Ganja’s reflections on Black womanhood and child-raising particularly stand out as a powerful moment.

The way that Bill Gunn mixes the ideas of faith and fear are poignant to say the least, and the inclusion of both the church and religious art provides an interesting source of emotional subtext for the film. This point is driven further home with the inclusion of different African visions and music that fade in and out of the film’s “consciousness”. Even the George Meda character (played by Gunn) speaks of his failed suicide attempt as “the murderer releasing the victim”, as if to inform us that his soul is a prisoner in the body of a vampire. Ganja & Hess is also presented as a love story more so than a horror film, which is interesting in of itself as the romance spawns from the dark recesses of George Meda and Dr. Hess Green’s conflict, as well as George and Ganja’s fractured relationship. Once the sparks begin to fly between our titular characters, the moments of love are given the same attention and presentation as the moments of fear, making the relationship portions and the vampiric portions feel like parallel films rather than an intertwined narrative, and further driving home Dr. Hess’s hold on humanity in the face of his tortured existence, with the only true connecting thread being Ganja’s acceptance of Hess’s condition (and the way she aides him in his survival)... it is this singular connecting thread, however, that eventually pulls the two stories together into a shared journey.

The film soundtrack oscillates between deep soul, Christian-based music and songs that emulate spirituals to great effect, pulling us down into the murky depths of our main characters with each new music cue. Portraying all of the characters in the film as educated Black men, women and children rather than disadvantaged and impoverished potential victims is a breath of fresh air, and Hess is given the chance to display his humanity even in the wake of his tragedy. The editing and pacing of the film have a “slice of life” feel that is unique to the “genre” (if you want to label the film as a traditional “horror” or “vampire” film in the first place), which in turn, brings a sort of narrative expansion to the idea of the vampire that seems to have been in itself expanded upon, especially in the modern era of the vampire-loving movie-going public. The sex scenes and moments of sensuality are handled in possibly the most tasteful, artistic manner I have seen scenes of that nature ever handled. The cinematography implements a voyeuristic, fly on the wall approach, as flash and flare would distract from the methodical, grounded approach taken by Gunn (although artistic insert shots are occasionally sprinkled throughout).

Duane Jones carries himself in a very dignified manner, partly as if to portray the stereotypical associations that come with a vampire, but also seemingly as a ploy to keep his humanity (and his lofty position as a doctor) front and center, rather than be defined by his tragedy. Marlene Clark could easily have stepped in as the femme fatale, but she instead opts for a more grounded, well-rounded characterization, warts and all, which humanizes her amongst a world filled with chameleon-like “monsters”. Bill Gunn is the closest thing to a traditional vampire presentation, letting a charismatic intellectual vibe fuel his brief stint in the film. Supporting roles by Candece Tarpley, Leonard Jackson, Sam Waymon, Richard Harrow, John Hoffmeister, Betty Barney and Mabel King round out the cast.

For a film that was supposed to be a cash-grab follow-up to Blackula, Ganja & Hess is anything but that. The film stands as possibly one of the most gorgeous and powerful pieces of art to come out of the Blaxploitation era (though the film in itself is not necessarily a Blaxploitation film), and as mentioned previously, it has seemingly served as at best a direct influence, and at worst, an unknown indirect influence on the entire span of vampire films that followed. It was also interesting hearing lots of soundtrack moments and little sound snippets that I have heard sampled in endless songs, which I did not expect, but wholly enjoyed.

#ChiefDoomsday #DOOMonFILM #BillGunn #Ganja&Hess #MarleneClark #DuaneJones #SamWaymon #LeonardJackson #CandeceTarpley #RichardHarrow #JohnHoffmeister #BettyBarney #MabelKing #WilliamGaddis #JudithThompson

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agent-cupcake · 4 years

Text

Beastie and the Bard

Fire Emblem Three Houses - Dimitri x Reader (Chapter 3)

A symphony has four parts so does this, but it’s split because I’m lazy and didn’t anticipate the minuet to give me so much grief. Sorry for the wait, life is a lot all the time all at once, you know?

Symphony Vittoria Opus 3, No. 1 I. Allegro A whooping shout echoed across the canyon, catching like fire upon a pile of dry leaves as the joyous sound spread across the triumphant troops. The bandit chef had fallen to Professor Byleth’s blade. The Blue Lions had won the battle of Zanado.

You felt dizzy, mentally dampened, and a bit confused at first.

“We won?” you asked nobody in particular, voice raised above the din of a few dozen voices talking at once. The man closest to you was smiling, nodding, speaking. You were slow in catching up, but you managed to make out his answer after a moment of focusing. Won, you had won. And then your ears were filled with the deafening sound of relentless noise and rushing blood, a roar of excitement that grew from within your own self.

You had won!

It didn’t happen in a steady turn, but in a sudden, jolting twist as all your focus and combat oriented energy changed to a joy for victory. It made you giddy, practically drunk on jubilance as the tension left your frame. Your head spun with a tipsy sensation of dizziness, a disconnect between mind and body. Some of it must have been the fatigue casting a haze over your mind as you emerged from the focused state of fighting. Past the overwhelming joy, you were aware that exhaustion had crawled deep into your muscles in a way it hadn’t during the practice battle, or even through your vigorous training exercises. It left your limbs in a loose and rubbery state, but not yet burdened with the aching pain you’d undoubtably face later. It made every sensation you experienced spark with particular interest to your racing thoughts, voices made that much louder and the blow of a cool breeze through your sweaty hair that much cooler.

It was similar to the high you felt after managing a difficult piece of music or finally pulling off a tricky sword technique, a swell of pleasant and overwhelming joy. A feeling too big to be contained within your limited body. A wild giddiness.

Oddly, the sun had barely descended past its watchful position straight above. It seemed impossible that hours hadn’t passed since you set out upon the canyon considering all that had happened. Then again, your mind recalled the entire battle as nothing more than a blur, a flurry of sword strikes and shouted commands slipping by in a matter of minutes.

There had been the cold and prickling anticipation as Professor Byleth performed his final inspection and gave orders, a shuddering dread as you lined up against the bandits with weapons that had never tasted blood, the fluttering anticipation when the charge was called, and then a surge of energy, strength filling your body as all you had learned in training took over and you fought your first battle with everything you could.

And now, victory.

You didn’t think about what to do next, sheathing your sword and beginning to move contrary to the tide of men. Towards the front line, searching the dissipating crowd for familiar faces. Or, really, just the one familiar face. Your expression split into a bright smile when you saw him, heedless of the exhaustion. Dimitri’s blond hair was messier than you’d ever seen it, even while training. It caught every drop of sunlight, shining gold even when sticking to his head with sweat, several bits swept away at chaotic angles. There was blood on his armor, his cheeks were spotted with a red flush from exertion, and his expression was a bit worn. But, most importantly, he was unharmed.

Right then, in your half mad mindstate, you felt a blind rush of affection. Excitement. Victory. Skipping on feet that felt lighter than air, you rushed past the few scattering ranks of your small force. Dimitri saw you, opening his mouth to say something, but you cut him off by throwing your arms around his shoulders, tilting onto the tips of your toes. Luckily, he was used to moving with a spearman’s firm stance, which was the only thing that stopped both of you from toppling to the ground. The recklessness of the action hardly registered. Impulsive and excited and bubbly with the vigor of life itself, you pressed a kiss to his cheek. It happened so quickly that the sensations barely registered; a whiff of the musky masculine scent of his sweat, the smooth warmth of his cheek against your lips, your hand brushing the back of his hair when your arms met around his neck; and then you were dancing away, smiling with a mouth on the cusp of releasing a bout of delighted laughter.

“We did it!” you said, uncaring of the childish sound of your victorious words. The fact that you had fought and won was more than the victory of battle, serving as solid proof that you were meant to be among the knights and students, that you were right in choosing your own fate. It meant that your father had been wrong. It meant you were supposed to be here. At Dimitri’s side, maybe. “I can hardly believe it. I was so nervous at first, but we did it! I did it!”

“That you did,” Dimitri said in a slightly stiff voice, a measured contradiction to your manic excitement. He had pressed his hand to his cheek, right over where you had kissed him. Was that displeasure you read in his widened eyes, or disgust? Maybe surprise, being attacked was an awfully good reason to lose composure. And more, was his face that red before, or had the color darkened his fair complection further? His hand dropped, being used in a casual gesture towards you. “And with energy to spare, I see,” Dimitri teased. Although he still seemed a little flustered, his blue eyes twinkled with laughter.

You giggled in response, a giddy and nervous sound. The situation was beginning to sink in. Firstly, it probably broke a dozen different rules of etiquette to have thrown yourself at him, and that was before you factored in the unspoken rules of friendship and boundaries his status afforded him. Not to mention the battlefield you stood upon, or the uncomfortable weight of the gazes of the remaining soldiers who lingered, or the fact that Professor Byleth stood nearby speaking to a knight, or that not even a dozen feet away laid the unceremoniously fallen corpses of the bandit chief and his main guard in puddles of drying blood-

No. You forced yourself not to look at them, unwilling to consider the dead in conjunction with the way you felt now. Instead you focused on Dimitri and the thread of enthusiasm that had brought you to him, refusing to allow embarrassment or doubt to make you fold now that you had already committed.

“I’m just so happy that we won!” you said as way of justification. “I never thought that I’d be able to do something like this… And I wouldn’t have been able to do it without your help so I wanted to thank you because if it hadn’t been for all that training I think I totally would have choked, but because of you I didn’t, so...” You let the thought drop there, your disorganized words rushed together just as badly as your thoughts. And then, what else was there to say? The jittery excitement was still thudding in your heart and making your hands shake. You wanted to apologize, but you also didn’t feel sorry, so you chose instead to settle for the middle ground. “Anyway, I… I should probably go back and help.” You gestured vaguely behind yourself, smiling like a fool for all that you should have at least tried to feel shame. “Um, see you, Dimitri! And you, Professor!” you called with a jaunty wave before turning on your heel. If eyes followed you, or if either responded, you didn’t know, and you were far too shy to check as you hurried up the steps to the top of the canyon where the horses and knights were all congregated.

Embarrassment was easy in coming, but found little traction in the thrill that filled you as well. Victory was exciting in a way no song had ever properly described. Maybe more than any song could. And then there was the way your body buzzed, the warmth tickling your lips, and the way your heart pounded when you thought of how bold you’d been.

Victory truly was sweet.

Symphony Vittoria Opus 3, No. 2 II. Adagio

Victory, as it turned out, could hurt.

When Lord Lonato fell, it was with an awful, hollow stillness that came in the stead of fanfare or glory. This did not feel like victory, or at least any sort of victory you could be pleased with. Ashe waved away any of your attempts to console or help him, returning to the town alone to find his brother and sister. Even though you desperately yearned to, you didn’t dare follow him alone, knowing that you would be rejected as the enemy.

In the eyes of the townspeople, you were the enemy.

So you watched Ashe go, heart heavy and aching. It wasn’t Ashe’s rejection that stung, not exactly. What hurt the most was the knowledge that you, right then, were useless to him. Nothing you did or said would be able to help him, your words would fall on ears made deaf as they strained to hear the voices of the dead. Nothing you could do would ease his pain or set his world back to rights.

Just like your mother. You could picture her clearly right then, standing in a beautiful black dress above your father’s grave. Weeping because of her true, singular love for the man and the gaping emptiness in her heart that would never be filled without him. Like Ashe, your mother hadn’t wanted your help. To her, you had been nothing more than a reminder of what she could have had, what she was going to have before he died. That day, you lost your mother, too.

Would Ashe be the same as she had been? Would you be a symbol forever reminding him of the death of the man who raised and cared for him? Would he stay in a state of frigid misery, bound by the lingering hold of the dead and unable to move forward? You had only known him for a few months, yet the idea made your eyes hot and teary, a terrible feeling clenching in your chest.

No. You would figure out a way to prevent that from happening, you would not fail again.

Or so you swore to yourself, right then.

Turning away from the empty forrest road and that tremulous silent promise, you set out to find Dimitri. You didn’t know why. Certainly not to ambush him with a hug and kiss on the cheek as you had at the end of the last battle, or anything resembling any sort of excitement. For comfort, maybe. Maybe to ask for advice about Ashe. Then again, you weren’t sure you really wanted to supply a reason for desiring his company. More and more you’d begun seeking it out unprompted. You were friends, and that was definitely sacred and worth pursing. He shouldn’t have been special beyond that, but he was. And you didn’t like to think of exactly why that was, so you didn’t.

The knights were all packing up to make the return trip to the monastery, not losing a second of daylight in their meticulous routine. It struck you as horrifically callous. The church with all their men and might will come to kill your fathers and brothers and then leave within the hour, leaving naught a trace behind. But that was foolish, a childish fancy given teeth as you tried to reconcile what had happened with what you wished would have happened. It was kinder and more pragmatic to leave as quickly as possible and allow the people to grieve in private.

That was the reality.

You were better off with the indignant stance that Lord Lanato was the one at fault for the deaths. His own foolishness was at the cost of the men you had killed. But in the same breath of that scorn could you smell the blood, feel it flaking off of your hands like flakes of rust.

No.

You didn’t want to think about that, you couldn’t let yourself. A knight didn’t weep for those they killed if it was necessary. Those words were a lesson from your sword teacher in Fhirdiad, a knight who had retired after partaking in one too many of the ugly skirmishes that had popped up in the wake of King Lambert’s death. His eyes were haunted when he told you that it was important to know when to care, and when not to.

Another thought that was best left alone.

So you focused on your search efforts. Unfortunately, while dodging through the collected chaos you realized that Magdred Way’s tree lined paths weren’t great for visibility, even without that supernatural fog. Not only was your heart heavy with thoughts you cared little to entertain and you couldn’t find Dimitri, but everybody looked so sad as well. Your friends who should have been proud of themselves for achieving victory without any casualties were wearing grave masks and curled postures with slumped shoulders, the knights grim faced and terse. Professor Byleth was the only one seemingly unaffected by it all, pointing you in the right direction to find Dimitri without expression or comment, trailed by an especially and uncharacteristically severe-looking Catherine.

Probably, you should have been concerned by that sight alone. But you weren’t, not really, because once you knew where to look Dimitri was easy to spot. He was tucked in the shadow at the edge of the trees, sitting on the convenient seat of a rock with his head bowed and hands folded in something like reverence. The cheerless image brought you up short, the words you had intended to use to call to him dying on your lips.

Pain clung to him, weighed him down with something more than than the cheap sorrow you’d been fighting off. You could easily recognize the way it crowned his head in invisible lead and sank deep and heavy into his bones. It was, after all, a familiar sight.

Holding completely motionless a yard or so away from him, you briefly considered turning around and leaving Dimitri be. People who looked like that had never fared well with your intervention. But you couldn’t. He just looked too sad and lonely. So you approached him with soft steps, feeling the hesitancy of regret before you even spoke.

“Dimitri?” you asked softly, uncertain. “Are you all right?”

He tensed up at hearing your voice, his posture straightening out with a snap as if to cover for the momentary weakness. Red rimmed his eyes, although you thought it was more of an effect of fatigue than tears. It complimented the bluish shadows beneath.

“Yes, of course. I was just resting a moment,” he told you, his expression and voice carefully controlled. “Did you need something?”

Any person in the world would be able to tell that he was feigning indifference. Pain was stretched thin in the forcibly casual tone of his voice like pottery held too tightly, seconds away from cracking. It hurt, strangely, that he would put on an act around you, but you didn’t dare think too hard about that sharp stab of pain or why you’d feel it. More than anything, you were worried, your heart set aching anew as you realized that his sorrow far overcame your own.

“No, I don’t. You looked...” Despairing. Agonizing. Like the weight of the world was crushing you and I don’t understand why. “Upset,” you said lamely. An underlying awkwardness edged your voice, created by your influx of emotions you suddenly had no idea what to do with. “I can… I can go if you want to be alone.”

“It’s not that-” Dimitri began with more false pretense, only to cut off whatever else he was going to add and let out a heavy breath, rubbing a hand over his face and allowing his posture to relax. “I’m sorry. I’m fine. I wanted a moment to collect my thoughts.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” you asked.

“No,” he said firmly. Then, a moment later in a softer tone, “I don’t know.”

“This battle was… It was hard,” you said, an understatement if there ever was one, but Dimitri seemed to understand all the same.

“It was, and I know that what we did was necessary, but... I can’t help but wish that we could have handled that differently, that there was a different way to settle things without such violent measures.” His voice lowered even further, head bowing. “But if it wasn’t necessary, then what we did...”

Dimitri allowed the silence to speak for him.

“I think I understand,” you said, although you weren’t quite sure if you did. A part of your mind rebelled at the idea that violence wasn’t a way resolve conflict, although another wondered what such peace would look like. “But… We just have to keep going, don’t we? Maybe there’s another way, but this… We can’t let it define us, we just have to keep going forward and try to do better in the future, right?”

“Don’t you find it wrong?” Dimitri asked, his question given passion and intensity as he suddenly stood. The louder voice as well as the dramatic physical shift pulled you up entirely short, sending you a step back. “Does it not bother you to indiscriminately take the lives of those opposing us without even questioning if we could achieve the same goals without death?” All of the dispassionate pain you had seen before was gone, lit to a blaze in the soft blue of his eyes.

“I… I hadn’t thought very much about it,” you answered. The words came honestly in the face of being so startled, along with the pang of guilt that hit you from the accusatory nature of the question. “If it’s asked of me and my loyalty… No-” You hesitated, trying to think of a better way to phrase your thoughts, a prettier way. “If something I’m doing is protecting the lives of those I care for, I… I believe that it’s right,” you told him carefully. But, beneath the searching weight of his gaze, you wondered if that was only something to say. Like a poem or song. In truth, you hadn’t given the nature of battle or what you did to your enemies any sort of deeper thought. You didn’t want to. A hero couldn’t be a killer, even if they killed. And wasn’t it the same for you? For him? You had to believe that.

“What if the enemy believes the same?” Dimitri pushed urgently. “If all they’re doing is defending the people they care for in a conflict they have no say in?”

That gave you further pause, your eyebrows furrowing and chapped bottom lip retreating between your teeth as you tried to find an answer. You saw his argument, felt it just as clearly in the conflicted pain in his eyes. Doubt was poisoning him. Comprehension was sharp in that moment, an understanding of something you had been missing in the months you had known him. Dimitri’s capacity to care, something you admired so much, was a double edged sword. Great strength and great vulnerability. Of course it was. You’d seen it before, the agony of caring just a bit too much.

“I’d be glad,” you finally responded, slightly indignant in your desire to stand against his questioning. “If I died because of something I believed in, I would not regret it. I hope that anyone I fight feels the same.”

“And the ones they leave behind?” Dimitri asked, his voice softer, the rigidity of anger gone from this question. You met his eyes. Pure, perfectly pigmented powder blue. The color of reliability and honor, but also the color of melancholy and cold. Now they were needful. Looking for an answer you didn’t have, that probably didn’t exist. “What of them?”

You had heard that question before.

Any and all desire to argue against him bled out of you, leaving the overwhelming swell of post-battle exhaustion and anguish to hit you in full force, so stark it was nearly physical. “I don’t know,” you answered, your voice even softer than his own.

Dimitri’s eyes closed as he turned away, dissatisfied with your answer. “There really is no answer, is there?”

“Maybe there is,” you said, a weak attempt at hopeful optimism against his stormy despair. Dimitri didn’t disagree, but he didn’t have to do anything other than allow the words to deflate and disintegrate in the relative silence of your little bubble on the edge of the trees. And with them, an argument you couldn’t help but feel you had lost terribly.

“We should return to the others. Professor Byleth will want to speak to us all when we return, disturbing news had been discovered.” Dimitri said, his eyes opening and posture straightening out. The voice he used now was firm, but empty. Closed off once more. He did not wait for an answer before brushing past you, or look to ensure you were following.

“Right,” you agreed reluctantly, uselessly, following him on wooden legs.

#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #fe dimitri #FE3H #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd x reader #dimitri x reader #dimitri #my writing #like i said i never anticipated to this monastery pre timeskip stuff but if i'm writing it i have to bc these ideas #still exist #anyway i have class in like two minutes i shouldn't be posting #but yeet #beastie and the bard

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nerianasims · 4 years

Text

Billboards #1 1964

Under the cut.

Bobby Vinton – “There! I’ve Said It Again” -- January 4, 1964

*sob* This song is so bad. Is there even a beat at all? It's so slow. It should not be so slow. Vinton sounds both self-satisfied and whiny. It's a love song, I suppose, but this doesn't sound anything like love to me. It sounds like it was created by the Moral Majority. Help, I need someone.

The Beatles – “I Want To Hold Your Hand” -- February 1, 1964

Yeah, I did that on purpose. It's fashionable to hate on The Beatles these days, but I will not be joining in. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" is not one of their best songs, but if I'd been there at the time, I'd have been screaming my head off for them too. After going through the past couple years of hits, I feel ready to scream for them now. There's a beat. There's forward motion. There's understanding how to sing a song. That wasn't totally lacking on the charts until them -- Ray Charles, after all, and some others -- but what a wasteland it's been generally. The bad stuff has been so very, very bad. Anyway. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" -- okay song today, but pure oxygen in 1964.

The Beatles – “She Loves You” -- March 21, 1964

This is one of my favorite songs. "Hey idiot, this great girl you thought you lost due to your idiocy still loves you." Implied: Either you go on her knees to get her back or I go after her. And it doesn't sound anything like any #1 I've covered so far. Major interesting bassline, great harmonies, good drums, guitar, everything lines up perfectly.

The Beatles – “Can’t Buy Me Love” -- April 4, 1964

What else is there to say at this point? It's good. It's true. It's romantic. It's fast. McCartney knows how to sing. Notice that none of these three hits in a row are heartbreak songs? There have been way too many of those on this list, and most of them were bad. These songs are happy, and not fake happy. They're driven. They're alive.

Louis Armstrong – “Hello, Dolly!” -- May 9, 1964

The person to finally kick The Beatles down the charts was one of our greatest homegrown artists. It's like people had finally woken up after Bobby Vinton's horrible song in January. Not Louis Armstrong's best, but it's Louis Armstrong. So it's thoroughly enjoyable.

Mary Wells – “My Guy” -- May 16, 1964

Motown is well and truly here. I adore this song. It's sweet without being cloying, the beat is fun, and of course Mary Wells is amazing. And as a woman whose taste in men has never matched up with what I'm supposed to find attractive, and has taken a lot of crap for that, I connect with the song personally.

The Beatles – “Love Me Do” -- May 30, 1964

I think this is the worst of the Beatles' hits so far. Which doesn't make it bad. The harmonica's great. But the lyrics are kinda, well, dumb. Thankfully they're dumb and cheery, not dumb and doleful like so much I've covered.

The Dixie Cups – “Chapel Of Love” -- June 6, 1964

Earworm alert. That hook is a killer. The song gets at the overwhelmed, slightly stunned happiness that comes from getting married. We went to city hall, not to the chapel, but the feeling's the same. I can't say whether I like the song exactly -- the hook is so overpowering, it doesn't really give you a chance. It's in your head now, forever.

Peter & Gordon – “A World Without Love” -- June 27, 1964

The narrator doesn't have a girlfriend so he's going to hide in his room until his true love shows up. Or maybe he was dumped by his true love and therefore is going to hide? It's not very clear, which is unusual for a song written by Paul McCartney. But there's a reason he gave it to someone else. It's actually a fine song, good harmonies, good beat, very teenage sensibility without being annoying. Not too special after the last six songs though.

The Beach Boys – “I Get Around” -- July 4, 1964

I can never hear this without picturing the 1986 film Flight of the Navigator. As usual with Beach Boys songs, the music is excellent and the lyrics are deeply dumb and repetitive. So it's a fun song, but not one I go out of my way to listen to.

The Four Seasons – “Rag Doll” -- July 18, 1964

Gah Frankie Valli's falsetto again. Also it's overproduced. This guy loves a poor girl but his father says nope, she's a poor so you can't marry her, and he just accepts it. I really don't like anything about The Four Seasons.

The Beatles – “A Hard Day’s Night” -- August 1, 1964

My mom and I once rented the movie A Hard Day's Night, and were surprised at how fun it was. (She was a little young to experience the full force of Beatlemania when it hit.) The song written for the movie: Also very fun, and good, and sexy. "But when I get home to you I'll find the things that you do will make me feel all right." Things sure changed fast in 1964.

Dean Martin – “Everybody Loves Somebody” -- August 15, 1964

Dean Martin was constitutionally incapable of being serious. Sometimes his smarm worked. Not here. It could be worse, but it could be a lot better. I'd have been much happier if it had been just about anyone else's version, though Peggy Lee's is my favorite.

The Supremes – “Where Did Our Love Go” -- August 22, 1964

Have you noticed how good pop music suddenly got? It's not just The Beatles. This is a heartbreak song without a hint of schmaltz. It makes you feel better, not worse, and you can even dance to it. But it's still sad. Motown was amazing in its heyday.

The Animals – “The House Of The Rising Sun” -- September 5, 1964

I've loved this song since I was a kid. And I understood it; "gambling causes ruin" is perfectly comprehensible to an 8-year old. It's dark and real, and Eric Burdon's voice and singing give me chills. The keyboard is like nothing I've heard on this list before. I think this might be goth. It's something great, anyway.

Roy Orbison – “Oh, Pretty Woman” -- September 26, 1964

I hate the movie Pretty Woman. A lot. This song became a hit again when the movie came out. Obviously I associate this song with that movie. So I don't have an opinion about the song that's separate from a movie I hate and that Roy Orbison had nothing to do with. I'm passing on this one.

Manfred Mann – “Do Wah Diddy Diddy” -- October 17, 1964

Two number ones in a row about a pretty woman walking down the street. They sort of sound similar in parts too. Anyway, pretty woman walking down the street singing nonsense, narrator ends up making out with and then getting engaged to her. It's silly, and it's okay. "Okay" has a much higher bar than it did just last year.

The Supremes – “Baby Love” -- October 31, 1964

I have a problem with The Supremes, and it's that their first four #1 hits have exactly the same subject matter, and that subject matter is being in love with a man who no longer loves them. After this list, I'm sick of heartbreak songs, and they were never my favorite anyway. Four love songs in a row and I'd have been happy. Dance songs, ditto. But if we must have heartbreak songs, can we have a little righteous anger too? Not just plaintiveness? Anyway, "Baby Love" is a Supremes song, which means if you hear it far apart from their other songs, it's great. When I hear them together like this, though, the formula gets painful.

The Shangri-Las – “Leader Of The Pack” -- November 28, 1964

I hope this song was meant to be funny, because I find it goddamn hilarious. How'd she meet a bad boy whom she knew was sad at the candy store? I like the message that you shouldn't dump your boyfriend solely because your daddy tells you to. But I don't think there's any intended message here. I think it might be a song making fun of the 50s motorcycle bad boy aesthetic and all those "girlfriend/boyfriend died" schmaltzfests people suffered through.

Lorne Greene – “Ringo” -- December 5, 1964

A baritone spoken word piece about a Western outlaw. I doubt it would have gone anywhere if Ringo Starr hadn't been named Ringo. It's probably good for its genre, since Lorne Greene was a good actor, but I can't tell.

The Supremes – “Come See About Me” -- December 19, 1964

It doesn't sound like a heartbreak song, but of course it is. And a super severe one; she gave up all her friends for him, and then he left her too. But she still wants him back. Eesh. Of course Diana Ross doesn't sound sad singing it, because she never sounds really sad singing these songs. The technique obviously worked, but the more I think about it, the more I don't like it. It's a really good song. And not for me, now that I've actually thought this much about it.

The Beatles – “I Feel Fine” -- December 26, 1964

A sitar has been spotted! Anyway, he and his baby are in love, and he brags about buying her diamond rings. The Beatles never had any shame about buying the women in their songs stuff to make them happy. I like that. And I like this song.

BEST OF 1964: "My Guy". Yep, not a Beatles song. This is thoroughly subjective, after all. But what a lot of great songs there were this year, and how relieved I am to be able to say that. WORST OF 1964: "There! I've Said It Again", overwhelmingly.

#billboard number ones

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levelstory · 4 years

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Music Reflection II, Early 2000s' was a Trip

Well, it has been a hot minute since I wrote a music reflection post. Last time, I talked about various songs from my childhood from the likes of Britney Spears to Stevie Brock. Now I am back to tackle some more music from my most formative years that will make you question how my music taste ever escaped cringy pop music from the Top 40. Coincidentally, all of these tracks are from the early 2000s’ so no 90s’ music here today. Here we go…

Miracles Happen by Myra

This song is the anthem ofThe Princess Diaries. That movie was one of my most watched VHS tapes next to the first Harry Potter film. It is the movie that sparked my interest in film soundtracks, and one of the most recognizable and memorable songs from the album was easily Myra's Miracles Happen.

It can be easy to forget how much work was once put into acquiring music in an age where most music is available instantaneously. As a kid, my ear was always turned toward the music in any given film and when I got to an age (around 9-10) when I realized these tracks were sold in one package known as the film soundtrack, I made a point to get my hands on a copy. The Princess Diaries is the first soundtrack I remember owning outside of soundtracks from Disney films.

My most stark memories with this soundtrack are playing it in my bedroom at my old house. Toward the end of our time living there, my family painted my bedroom a light pink and I got a desk that had a CD rack built-in (this was a big feature at the time). My boombox sat on the large desktop against the wall and I can remember listening to The Princess Diaries soundtrack on repeat. There are a lot of great tracks on the album but Miracles Happen is the true star and the true representation of the movie.

Before I talk about the track further, I just want to point out that this movie is great. We could talk about its problems, which it has many, but it remains funny, heartwarming, and a joy to watch from start to finish. This movie introduced me to Anne Hathaway and she just shines. Plus, Julie Andrews is in the movie and she steals the show! I know my opinion is partially influenced by nostalgia goggles but hey...just let me have this!

Back to Miracles Happen. What is easily the strongest aspect of the song is the chorus. It is so catchy and fun to listen to. The verses are enjoyable enough, but they feel a bit detached from what makes the song so good. The bridge is pretty lackluster. As discussed a bit in my first reflection, way too many songs struggle with their bridges. Look, I get it...but still. The only shining light is that the bridge at least transitions into a tune that sounds similar to the chorus which is pretty great.

The lyrics are fairly generic which is par for the course. They say a bunch of random things like "we found the missing pieces" and "nothing should ever bring you down", lyrics that have little to no emotional attachment to anything beyond it is a thing people say in this context. But all things considered, it is still a really fun song to listen to.

It Happens Every Time by Dream Street

Dream Street is one of those boy bands that flew pretty far beneath the radar for most people. Their first album released in 2000 and I distinctly remember the marketing campaign on television playing over and over again so that they were drilled into our brains. I guess it worked because I really wanted this album as a ten-year-old.

My friends and I loved Dream Street. I had their poster hanging on my bedroom wall (their album booklet unfolded into the poster). We made up dance routines to their songs. We even blasted the music through my friend’s house and somehow her parents never became angry with us. My most shameful confession about Dream Street is that we used to try and find their phone numbers to call them. Unaware that phone books are limited to local numbers, we would call random numbers to see if Chris or Jesse were home to talk. They weren't, and people were annoyed by our calls.

One thing people probably don't know is that Jesse McCartney's music career began with Dream Street. I'm proud to say that he was my favorite from the group at the time, and vocally he is the strongest of the group. His voice had not matured yet so it is always fun listening to his performance with his young voice!

It Happens Every Time was their big single and the song most used in TV adverts, accompanied by the music video. What got me thinking about the song and the group recently is due to some unfortunate events. I learned back in July that one of the members, Chris, died in June due to complications with COVID-19. He would have been 35 this year. Chris was often looked at as the Justin Timberlake of Dream Street. He had the fancy frost tipped hair and swagger to him that the other members couldn't compete with. After the group disbanded, he never found success in the same way he did with Dream Street. He died too young and too soon. After his death, I started relistening to Dream Street and it was this relisten that encouraged me to write another Music Reflection.

As with Stevie Brock from the first installment of Music Reflections, Dream Street's songs mostly center on their lust for girls in a way that is pretty uncomfortable looking back. These boys range in age from 11-13 if I am not mistaken, and their songs deal with mature themes that predate their young years. Not to mention that society has young boys singing about these ideas that they can't help their actions when they lust for a girl or they can't control themselves because a girl has them wrapped around her finger. Our culture normalizes this idea that men are vulnerable to female woes and that they can't help themselves. It is always a bit gross hearing young boys sing about it, especially before they’ve even hit puberty (i.e. Justin Bieber).*

It Happens Every Time is a song about...a song. It follows a boy who hears a "silly little love song" every time he sees this girl or thinks of her. This plane of existence, a magic place where angels sing all around them, is known as Dream Street (name drop!). Admittedly, this song is probably the tamest when it comes to the themes I mentioned in the previous paragraph.

Now I won't lie, this song is a bop. I'm still unsure if that is the nostalgia talking or not...I will have to dig deeper some other time. But damn I'd be lying if I said I don't enjoy this song. It is so catchy. The boys sing really well for their age. I am a sucker for listening to little Jesse McCartney belt his heart out. Jesse is the highlight of this song, getting a nice solo line toward the end of the second chorus followed by the entire bridge and some overlapping vocals in the final chorus before ending the song. He just sounds so good and I will admit to feeling a small sense of pride listening to him. I was there before his solo career and entry into Radio Disney hits and commercials all over ABC Family. Sometimes it feels like Dream Street is still so unknown that I can keep my memories of them all to myself. Though their time was short-lived, they stayed with me and so has this song.

Ordinary Day by Vanessa Carlton

Earlier, I talked about how difficult it was to acquire music before the internet. In the case of a song in a movie, there was a good chance that the song you liked would be on the soundtrack, provided a soundtrack was even released. Songs on the radio were difficult because you had to buy an entire album when you just liked one song, or make sure you had a blank tape ready to record when the song came on. Then there were songs you heard while out and about with no context. Those were the worst because you had to try and memorize the song and hope you found it somewhere, someday. That was kind of what happened to me with Vanessa Carlton.

It was her song A Thousand Miles that really gripped me as a 12-year-old. I loved it so much and heard it everywhere I went but never knew who sang the song or where I could get a copy. Eventually, I heard the song on the radio and bought her album...and ended up only listening to the three tracks I liked. One of the tracks, and my favorite of those three, is Ordinary Day.

If my memory is correct, this song was never as popular as A Thousand Miles on the radio, but it was super popular on the internet. This album came out around the time I first started using the internet and discovered movie montages. I don't mean montages used in movies but montages made by fans on Windows Movie Maker, cut together with a somewhat fitting song. If you were a teenager obsessing over Disney or Harry Potter or...something, you know the songs that people generally gravitated towards with these videos (the band Trading Yesterday were a staple of these montages). Ordinary Day was a movie montage song (every time I listen to this song it reminds me of an Aladdin montage it played over (which I sadly can't find)).

I decided to watch the music video for this song as I was writing this and boy is it a product of the early 2000s. Can we all just agree that the early 2000s were equivalent to that awkward stage of everyone's lives that we try not to think about? This music video is so clumsy and confusing. There are so many close up shots on Carlton and strange shots of people making out. Who thought this was a good idea?

But back to the song. One thing I appreciate about this song is how it builds itself up. The beginning piano is very nice but then it builds up with orchestration and I love it. I'm sorry I can't talk about it more but I won't embarrass myself with lack of musical instrumental lingo and knowledge.

The lyrics of the song are...ehh? The song is basically about seeing more in the ordinary and how the narrator is shown from an "ordinary boy." It isn't terrible but like the music video, a product of the early 2000s.

I unapologetically love this song. Yes it is corny and it isn't as musically sophisticated as I would like, but it always makes me smile when I listen to it. I can remember listening to the song on my headphones on long car rides and with friends. It is just a song that makes me feel happy and gives me no reason to feel otherwise.

All I Can Do by Jump5

Well...I'm surprised it took me this long to arrive at Jump5. What is there to say about this Christian pop sensation? Quite a bit actually. I was only obsessed with them for a good chunk of my early teens. Reflecting on that time of my life is strange because in hindsight, it was such a short period but it always feels like it lasted much longer.

Everyone has that one band that they really connect with as a teenager that basically shapes their entire life and...well, yeah, that band for me is Jump5. I'm not kidding, I could write an entire book about how this band shaped my entire life (and believe me, I am working on it!). As much as I'd like to talk about all of that, we only have a short amount of time so let's talk about this song.

As with Ordinary Day, this song reeks of the early 2000s. However, unlike Ordinary Day, the music video is much more successful in its execution. I couldn't believe myself when rewatching it...it is actually pretty darn good as far as music videos tend to be.

Choosing what Jump5 song to talk about was pretty difficult because there are so many in their arsenal that I can talk about for long periods of time and connect to life experiences. But All I Can Do seems to be a special one because I'm almost certain it was the first track I ever heard from the group. As with Dream Street, Jump5 had a big TV marketing campaign for their second album, All the Time in the World (in which All I Can Do is the first track). It was their TV advert that put them on the radar for me. I vividly remember seeing the commercial at Christmas time. It was the first Christmas spent at our new house and I can remember watching the TV with my gifts and snow falling outside. At this point, seeing pop bands advertised on TV was nothing new. There were always new groups trying to make it big as other pop acts had before them. But other than my memory of seeing this commercial, it otherwise didn't leave a big impact on me. I wouldn't start listening to Jump5 until a few months later after getting into Radio Disney. And even after I got into Jump5, All I Can Do was never one of their songs that I gravitated towards.

I wanted to talk about this song because of how well it represents Jump5 as a group. All I Can Do is their quintessential track, packed with energy and fun lyrics. But the track is also a representation of the group's core aesthetic of disguising "Christian values" as a pop song about a crush. For anyone who grew up on a Christian media diet (as I did voluntarily as a teenager), this is nothing out of the ordinary for this type of entertainment. In fact, it is basically a meme at this point. All I Can Do may be the least overt example of this from Jump5's library, but it is still an example nonetheless.

“It's like I got nothing to do but think about you,” (you being God), "I've got all the time in the world," (implying that time does not matter because in God you have everlasting life), "if you look at my heart, you'll know from the start," (meaning God knows your true heart and He knows from the start). I could go on but I think you see my point. There isn't anything inherently bad about this example and it is fairly harmless, but this isn't always the case when it comes to Christian entertainment.

Another trend from the late 90s' and early 2000s' was a pop group being a mix of both guys and girls but the guys rarely sang (A*Teens is another example that might come to mind). This song is dominated by the girls who share most of the song equally. The guys are hardly ever heard at all except when Chris gets his time to shine echoing the song's title over and over. It is easy to forget about them but alas, they are there.

Jump5 were known for their dance routines that they performed alongside their songs. They would often do cartwheels, flips, and very technical dance routines that blew many other pop acts out of the water. They also performed these routines live on tour, not just in their music videos. This dance routine is a really memorable one, showing the group doing a train-like dance which I remember performing with a friend. It is a lot of fun and I won't let anyone tell me otherwise! It was a lot of fun revisiting this track.

Is It Saturday Yet? by Nick Carter

Well here we are, at the final song, and boy is this choice...let's go with interesting. Nick Carter, known for his Backstreet Boy fame, recorded his own solo album after the group disbanded. What we got was Now or Never which is only ever remembered by the song Help Me, and even that is pretty forgettable. All that said, I owned this album and listened to it quite a bit as a tween. My most specific memory with the album is listening to it on a long car ride to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Is It Saturday Yet? is the seventh track on the album and out of the five tracks I liked, this was probably at the bottom.

So why talk about it if it was my least favorite track? Well friends, this track is so bizarre that I question its existence on a frequent basis. It is insane how often this song gets stuck in my head and won't leave.

The song seems to be about a disengaged teenager being raised by Jerry Springer and video games (video games got a low blow for warping kids brains back in the day. They still get blamed today but it isn't to the same extent) who just can't wait for Saturday to come so he can be rid of his responsibilities. The lyrics are...dumb. They are clearly trying to make a point but the song is so ridiculous that it is white noise. And why is it that Nick and Aaron Carter always have to reference each other in their songs? It was cute at first when Aaron did it in his classic track Oh Aaron, but now it is just old.

"Is it Saturday yet? Cause I wanna get up. Is it Saturday yet? It just feels like a Saturday. Maybe it's a Saturday." Those are the lyrics in the chorus. It is a song so devoid of meaning and so lazy to its very core. It contains lazy rhymes and brutal instrumentals. This song is the reason so many people describe pop music as empty trash. Like, don't get me wrong, a lot of music on the radio is pop trash and is clearly put together by big corporate higher-ups to make a quick buck on teenage stars locked in a contract. But some of that music is meaningful and deserves to be recognized. This song, however, deserves to die a painful death. It is just terrible.

And yet, despite all of this, the song somehow still appeals to me. I still listen to it. I still find joy out of it even though it is just awful in every possible way. I think that speaks to the whole point of these reflections on the music I listened to when I was younger.

Is It Saturday Yet? may be the worst of the bunch, but a lot of music cranked out back in the day was mindless entertainment. As much as it bothers me, I won't lie and say there is no place for music like this because there is. Sometimes when I am driving, I get so sick of the music I normally listen to ("good" music) and I just want music from my childhood that won't make me think but will just allow me to bake in nostalgic goodness.

Revisiting these songs was fun, but I know there are more I want to talk about in the future! Stay tuned! What are some songs you listened to in the early 2000s’ that make you feel super nostalgic today? Let me know in the comments!

* It should also be noted that the band broke up because of a lawsuit in which the majority of the parents of the band alleged that the underage band members were "exposed to booze, women, and pornography."

#Jump5 #Vanessa Carlton #Dream Street #Chris Trousdale #Jesse McCartney #Myra #The Princess Diaires #Nick Carter

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kureikakashikaiba · 5 years

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Naruto Fanfiction - KakaxSaku: Three weeks later

Just an oneshot I wrote long time ago but I still like it a lot

Disclaimer: I don't own any Naruto characters, they all belong to Kishimoto-sensei.

Characters: Hatake Kakashi and Haruno Sakura

*************************************************

"Look who do we have here?"

A slurred girlish voice with a blatant hint of inebriation disrupts Kakashi's peaceful meditation over the sochu cup. So much for his determination to spend the night alone tonight. Of all people, she is the least he wants to bump into.

Inwardly sighing, the Copy Nin turns sideway to regard a soft-pink –hair framing face which is beaming at him with a lost but warm smile.

"Yo, Sakura-chan" - He returns her smile with his own vague one. His nose instantly picks up the strong tequila smell mixed up with her perfume and shampoo fragrance. He is not sure if he likes this combination but he has to admit that she looks just as disarming as ever.

Using the chandon bottle in her two hands as an anchor to keep her body steady, Sakura cranes her chin forward to regard the empty seat next to Kakashi:

"You're here alone Kakashi-sensei?"

Even though very tempted to say that he is waiting for someone else to shoo this intoxicated girl who smells like trouble away, Kakashi still cannot afford to be so blatantly rude:

"Yeah, as alone as I always am. You are here with friends? Nice choice" – He points promptly at the bottle of sparkling wine in her hand.

Sakura lifts the bottle up and mulls over it with a distant appreciation:

"This? A gift from my colleagues in the hospital for that. And No, I'm here alone too"

Great. No one drinks Tequila shots going to a pub alone without seeking trouble itself.

"How many shots have you drunk already, Sakura?" – Kakashi's voice turns stern, he doesn't mean it to sound that way but he can slip into his teacher mode faster than light speed around this girl.

Maybe subconsciously his self-defence mechanism has been activated to protect himself from things that he does not even fathom.

It's always better to draw the line between him and this girl

"Two or Three" – she holds up her fingers to indicate her answer, the drunk smile never leaves her face.

Tossing her winter coat on the stool's back, Sakura slips in the seat next to him without asking:

"So you're avoiding someone as well?"

Yes. From you.

"No, just want to be by myself" – Trying to ignore the sudden proximity between them, Kakashi takes another sip of the strong alcohol, the pungent taste burns his throat for one brief second before disappearing from within – "I'm surprised there is someone you want to avoid, aren't you supposed to go about celebrating now, it's only three more weeks, isn't it?"

"Let's not mention that, ok?" – the first time ever since she greeted him, her grin dissolves. His eyebrow slightly rises with her sudden mood swing. But as short as when it came, her mood swings back to the more cheery path almost instantly: "Well, it's a coincidence that we meet here, isn't it, let's make the most of it" – her voice turns jovial at her own suggestion.

Even when it is subtle, Kakashi can tell that she is certainly not happy with what is going to happen pretty soon in her life.

"How about I share with you my lovely Champaign and you give me some of that bitter, yucky shochu of yours" - The roseate head girl beckons to the bartender to bring her two more empty cups, and quickly shoves a 10 ryo note in his hand so he can pretend that he does not see her bringing her own alcohol in this bar. She even gives him a free wink after the cups arrive. Judging by his long enduring sigh, Kakashi can tell he is troubled with the mess this attractive gal may create later. But well, he will always have the security guard option, and this is his job and his work place anyway. They make money from troublesome people like his former student tonight. Her cheekiness sort of evokes a small smile from Kakashi nonetheless:

"Champaign and Sochu? Isn't it a weird combination"

"It is. But I feel like doing something that doesn't make sense today, why does everything have to make sense by the way? Can we just do meaningless thing once in a while?" – She shrugs and applies the smallest amount of chakra in her palm to suck the bottle cork out. The small exploding noise of the champagne bottle serves to punctuate her sentence.

Sensing a rather disheartened mood clumsily concealed by a fake jolly smile, Kakashi chooses to go along rather than digging other unwelcomed conversation up. He is never a nosey person in the first place:

"Of course we can do meaningless thing for a change" – he smiles at her only to receive a sceptical look:

"For a change? I've witnessed you doing so many meaningless things before" – she points out sharply, her mouth is trying to restrain quirky grin.

"Me? When did you see me doing unnecessary things?" – Kakashi counters the accusation calmly but a small smile is also playing on his lips

"Yes you do, so many silly things, like this" – poking at the small square-shaped swell from his pants' pocket, Sakura narrows her eyes then grins merrily when Kakashi levels her with a slightly menacing look:

"Insulting another's favourite hobby isn't nice, Sakura-chan"

"Oh, sorry, I don't know it is that meaningful to you" – She feigns a sincere sorry expression but the sarcasm in her voice is unmistaken, because she knows for sure that his ire is also an act: "It must be really hard to live amongst us - low-brow, uneducated people who could not appreciate porn written by an old peeping tom"

"I've never criticized your cheesy chic flicks and bednight story slash romance slash soft-core porn books you have in your kindles, haven't I?" – retorts Kakashi evenly after sipping another bit of sochu, his face as apathetic as ever.

Sakura's anger instantly rushes to flame up her cheeks:

"It's not soft core porn, it's well-written love story with logical development and wonderful characterisation that excites you to no end"

"Logical in a very incidental make-up situation that is completely unrealistic in real life? All are just to lead to a disappointing sex scene after a predictable life and dead scenario of some sorts, did I say soft-core porn for chicks – he carried on with ease, seemingly unaffected by the invisible daggers this rosy haired girl throws at him.

"They call it creating plot twists and climax, in case you don't know anything about creative writing. That's why the sexy bits are really sexy because they build up on emotion and suffering, not like the type of animal-like intercourses with weird positions that no one would try in real-life described in Jiraiya-sama's books."

Her voice starts to raise an octave and anger seeps through her glare. It is kinda lame of her to lose her cool head so fast in an argument when Kakashi just looks like he is having a good time there by succeeding in effotlessly provoking her. And shit, has she just slipped her tongue again? An amused smile creeps upon Kakashi's lips:

"So you do read Icha-icha"

"I…" – there's no point in denying after all – " errh, I means it's one of the best-selling series of all time right, I'm just curious…"– a deep blush taints the younger girl's cheeks as she has to lower her stare to the bar wooden top, momentarily unable to hold his scrutiny any further. This man has no shame when it takes very little to embarrass her.

Suddenly, a thought strikes her: "But hey, wait…when did you touch my kindles?" – She jerks her chin up immediately to face him accusingly, which makes the silver-haired man chuckles:

"I was bored in the hospital and you confiscated all of my reading materials, remember?"

It was a few months ago when Kakashi came back from a deadly mission with a serious injury on his back. Knowing this man's distaste towards staying in the hospital for intensive care and therapy, Sakura had to personally threaten to burn all of Kakashi's favourite series if he left the hospital before his treatment completed.

But no matter how badly wounded this man was, he was still Kakashi, proven by his intact stealth ability since when Sakura came back to the page where she left off in her Kindles, it was always the exact same page where she was reading before. But now come to think about it, the batteries did last slightly shorter than normal around that time.

"Remind me to check my credit card after meeting you, Kakashi-sensei" – Sakura says coldly with a frown while her hands finish pouring chandon into two cups. Pushing one towards her former teacher, the kunoichi puts on her smile again:

"This first, and then yours"

Reluctantly picking up the cup, Kakashi peers through the clear light golden liquid:

"Champagne in a cup, interesting?"

"Taste is all it matters, doesn't it, cup or glass is just the container" – picking up her own, Sakura breathes in the intoxicating smell.

"Oh, so you finally learn that beauty is only skin deep?" – Kakashi chances a glance at the former student's face teasingly but unexpectedly, these outwardly harmless words strikes up something deeper and more sensitive than he could realise as Sakura just goes still for brief moment and her stare becomes absent:

"Long time ago have I realised that…" – mutters Sakura, barely audible amongst the noise background of the bar's music and chattering.

"But it doesn't matter by the way, why don't we toast for something" – quickly recovers, Sakura raises her cup.

And a wise man like Kakashi always knows when he shouldn't pursue an awkward conversation:

"Good idea, how about a toast for you, Sakura-chan"

"No, a toast for us, Kakashi-sensei, when was the last time we talk like this?"

Probably nearly two years ago.

And it's all because he has been trying to avoid her since. They just got back to the normal level of their distant friendly term recently when that thing happened.

He remembers it was a similar night like this, the snowfall was a bit thicker, but she was still the same, disarmingly beautiful in her winter coat and slightly stunk of alcohol. Pink cheeks and glazed eyes that made normal men find it hard not to think of something else that could make her cheeks blushed deeper and her eyes glassier.

He should not think of her that way but it is impossible to ignore a gorgeous flower blooming by your side after all these years. Women are the strangest creatures. Their transformation can happen overnight. Still the same face, the same features, but one day, you suddenly realise how womanly their curves turn out, how charming their smiles are and how alluring their gaits exude when they move about. Just a simple tuck of their hair behind the ear could ask for your unconcerned eyes' attention without trying. Just a simple touch on your bicep when they check your injury could make your heart thump harder. Or maybe, it is just like this with Haruno Sakura. Someone who is totally off-limit.

But soon his agony of two years will end. Hopefully.

Raising his cup up to tap against hers with an audible clang, Kakashi smiles lightly:

"Ok, for us then, old teammate"

"and friend" – she finishes and they both gulp down the liquor in union. The sour, dry taste turning sweet when passing the oesophagus makes Sakura exclaims in delight:

"Sugoii, nice Champaign, not bad a present"

"You can't even wait for three more weeks to open it?" – Asks Kakashi, curious with Sakura's sudden yearning for alcohol.

"No, I feel like drinking anything I can get my hand on at the moment" – She bursts out laughing by how wrong it sounds for a professional medical practitioner as famous as her. Now she sounds like an alcoholic.

For some reasons, Kakashi cannot bring himself to share her humour. He knows something is up the moment she appears in this bar stunk of booze. As sensible and controlled as she is with her chakra, Sakura is never the type who has to depend on alcohol to avoid dealing with difficult situations in their life.

She is very much similar to Kakashi in this area. They drink for fun on occasions to celebrate with friends and when they feel like it. Unless, there is a serious problem that they feel at their dead end.

Considering, that will happen pretty soon, Kakashi finds it hard to believe it could be something else. Even if Sakura herself denies it. A small voice at the back of Kakashi's head immediately instigates him to stay out of the pink-haired trouble, and he is never the type who can comfort people in the first place but the other dominant part just keeps him glued to the seat next to her. He cannot explain it, but when she looks like this, smiles like this, he cannot abandon her no matter how much his pre-cautious nature tells him to.

"Sakura, what's wrong?" – placing his hand on her shoulder, Kakashi is surprised with how serious he actually sounds.

This catches Sakura off guard but she still manages to smile it away:

"Nothing" – that doesn't sound convincing in the least so she adds – "Just work, Tsunade-shishou just overwork me I guess"

"OK, as long as it's work, there's nothing worth worrying about" – He doesn't sound convinced but pressing people into confessing things is not Kakashi's style either. Reaching out to his own bottle of souchu, Kakashi pours the liquor into the two earlier Champaign-full cups:

"Here it is, don't spit it out on my face if you can't stand it. It costs money you know" – warns he.

Sakura snorts loudly: "What a cheap skate you are, Kakashi-sensei" and picking up the cup before tapping it against Kakashi's.

"Is this the first time you met me?" – clearly being amused by Sakura's frequent insults rather than getting riled up over it, Kakashi takes all of his strong booze down with two gulps and entertains himself with the suffering scowl of Sakura's face when the liquor literally burns her drinking pipe from the inside. At least she honours his words not spitting it out:

"Gosh, this is horrible"

"I didn't offer you to drink it in the first place" – Playing with the rim of his own cups, Kakashi grins merrily.

"So you can drink mine for free, no thank you" – Sakura quips – "It's not every day that someone can pry something off you, you know" – Sakura sticks her tongue out with a crunch of her nose bridge, unconsciously Kakashi finds it endearing but she should in any circumstance find out about this. This is his little secret.

Being with a sharp-tongued, highly intelligent and infuriatingly cute girl like this is always pleasant to a man who loves to silently challenge things like Kakashi. Maybe it's not too wrong to allow him this little luxury of being in her presence. Maybe, it's not too bad to be at the receiving end of her warm smiles even though they are fake. Because just three more weeks, these will soon become distant memories that he can only recollect in a lonely freezing night like this with just himself and a bottle of souchu. After all it is indeed too hard to deny himself of a lovely companion.

"So how is Tsunade-sama lately?"

"Still drunk and grumpy as ever, she said she couldn't wait until her retirement anymore. But Naruto is picking things up very quickly so I think she doesn't need to wait for long."

It's startling for Kakashi to see Naruto these days without realising how much of the likeness he has with his former sensei. Especially when the blonde shuts up and does not display that trademark foxy grin of his. His sensei up there must be so proud of this child.

"Is Hinata pregnant with the third child now?"

"Yes, seriously, knowing Naruto, he's very productive in every area I guess" – Sakura chortles while the third drink between them is poured from her Chandon bottle.

"I was surprised that you guys didn't hook up eventually" – words slip out of his tongue before he can stop himself, causing Sakura to pause her pouring and turn to eye him astoundingly:

"Naruto and I?"

"Yes, He was pretty much head over heel in love with you, wasn't he?"

"It's just a childhood infatuation, Kakashi-sensei, everyone has one and everyone grows out of it at some points" – Sakura points out – "you must've had one too, right sensei?"

"No, I was always too cool to take notice of no one" – Kakashi answers smoothly

"Liar" – for some reasons, she doesn't trust him – "you just don't want to admit that you were once young and stupid" – she laughs

"So you think Naruto was young and stupid when he liked you?" – the temptation to bait this feisty girl is always too much fun for Kakashi to reject.

"Well" – that gets her just right as Sakura is stammering to find a good come-back – "true love needs a bit of obstacles to overcome I guess, I was just a lovely and tempting obstacle that they need to make a detour around to find each other" – Sakura raises her shapely eyebrow to convey another proud and playful glint.

Clearly, she is lovely and tempting, but Kakashi still does not like her comparing herself with an obstacle. This honest and kind-hearted girl will never be an obstacle to anyone. He knows that she fell for Naruto briefly after Sasuke left for two and a half years. But she had stepped back after Hinata came into the scene. Maybe fighting over a boy was the very first important lesson his only female student had learnt in life that something is not worth pursuing. Or clearly, she never gets over her "silly and young" crush for someone else. He had thought that Naruto and Sakura could make the finest couple in Konoha just like his Sensei and Kushina-san. But life never turns out the way he thinks it should be.

"maybe I never notice Hinata much in the first place" – He concludes.

"I used to think that you hardly noticed anyone, Kakashi-sensei" – sneers Sakura with a hint of mischief.

"Used to?" – for some mystifying reason, Kakashi turns to bore meaningfully into Sakura's face: "What makes you think of me otherwise" – another consequence of his loose tongue again. Well he can blame it on the booze later. Considering the history between them, he may more or less know the answer but he just feels like pressing the button a bit.

Raucous laughter suddenly erupts from the door of the bar as a group of around ten chuunins just make their not so quiet entrance. It is not that quiet in the bar before with all of the chatters and loud music, now it just gets worse. Maybe that is the reason why she suddenly needs to lean in very close to his ear, so close that he can feel the cool air coming out from her parting lips, causing his sensitive skin tingle treacherously:

"Ever since I find out that you're just clumsy with emotions, that's all" – she answers meaningfully.

"But I'm not that clumsy amongst other things, am I?" – now it's Kakashi's round to return the favour as he whispers back into her ear, so close that his lips nearly brush its rim. The effect cannot be missed as small shudder cannot lock itself from Sakura's petite frame. And her fluttered downward eyelashes are just another obvious pointer of his influence on her. The light in the bar is dim but Kakashi can still feel her cheeks' hue is darkened. Why does he do that? He has no idea. Her actions could be honestly unintentional because of the gaudy background noise but his? Apparently he is not that moral as he thinks he is in the first place.

She quietly retreats to her original place and raises the cup to her moist lips while sparing him a secretive smile that he knows for sure it is another effect of alcohol – limiting one's inhibition. Normal Sakura would be a lot shyer and more reserve. Normal Sakura would not be that tolerate of their improper innuendos. Should he care if they are acting that way? Flirting with each other is a wrong thing to do considering their current situations, isn't it?

"Clang" – the dry sound of glass on glass goes off against as Sakura taps her cup against his for the third time: "Sensei, don't forget your drink, we haven't finished them yet, have we? So tell me about your newest S-class mission in the Cloud country. Did the technique I told you last time help?"

Like magic, the tension in the air between them dissolves and the night rolls on with adventures of their own missions and ninjutsus and genjutsus that they learn on their own. Then they talked about politics, the pros and cons of banning the captures of tailed beast in each country. They debates and argues with each other but never gets angry even in a heated discussion. Sakura is amongst a few younger kunoichis whose interests do not just revolve around clothes and perfumes and jewelries. Her fierce intellectual is a great quality that Kakashi always highly appreciates. Or maybe, she is amongst the very little female population that he actually enjoys a conversation with.

Give it or take it, no matter how famous or powerful or gorgeous a person is, the Copy Nin does not feel obligated to converse with anyone unless they are truthfully an interesting person in the first place. After the third ninja war, they do not have many opportunities to meet and talk with each other because of their different scope of missions. But anytime they meet, the conversation will keep going on so naturally until they completely lose track of time.

Many cups of Champaign and Souchu and four cups of beer later, Sakura is giggling uncontrollably onto her folded arms on the bar table:

"So you just practically had to kiss and drag a naked Guy sensei out of that amazon kunoichi tribe to save his ass?"

"That idiot, even when I told him don't play around with any of them in the first place" – says an embarrassed and very much drunk older jounin.

"Gosh, this is the best story I've heard in years. But I'm curious…"

"Hmm?" – Kakashi sweeps his glance towards the glassy eyed girl:

"Was it a bare-lipped kiss with tongue or through the mask?"

He nearly chokes:

"Gosh, Sakura, through the mask of course, I shouldn't let you force me to relive one of the most horror second of my life"

She cannot help bursting into a whole-hearted mirth. The mental image is just too much for her to stand while Kakashi's lip corner just silently curves up into a humiliating smile. Clutching her belly with one hand and wiping away the tears threatening to fall from the corners of her eyes with another:

"But somehow, I feel relieved that you still have your mask on, Kakashi-sensei, I wouldn't want anyone to kiss your bare lips"

It is a wrong thing to say because as soon as words leave Sakura's lips, silence just rules over them as the former teacher and student rivet at each other. The bar's noise seems like retreating a few miles back and echoing from a very far far away place. After what seems like eternity, Kakashi is the first to find his voice and break their enthralled state by reverting his attention away from her pretty face:

"Uhm, it's very late already" – eyeing his half-full beer glass repentantly, Kakashi finishes it off with two large gulps and stands up: "I think I need some good rest now"

Fast on her feet as well, Sakura hastily brushes off her own discomfiture:

"Yes, you're right, it's very late. We should go home"

Putting on their respective winter coat and getting out of the bar door into the snow-filled street, the student and the teacher do not exchange a single word.

An awkward contrast with their non-stop chatter before. Both seem to be afraid that they may just end up saying the wrong things.

Soon the bar music ceases to exist after a few corner turns. The narrow alleyways start to turn wider and roomier as the pair strides to the main road. It must be at least two or three in the morning now.

Although living in two different sides of Konohagakure, Kakashi and Sakura still share the same long road over the bridge that connects this entertainment part of town with its residential areas. So as much as Kakashi wants to get home as soon as possible, it is just not that easy. The whole evening has been a rather perilous circumstance in Kakashi's opinion since they were pretty much dancing around forbidden topics which he has no intention to pursue at all time. It does not help with all the alcohol in his system but he would rather control himself than doing reckless things that will make him regret later.

Nonetheless he should know better that it is never easy to evade her. Even nature has a way to disturb him. Because Every now and then a winter breeze sweeps pass, casting the wonderful aroma that is so Sakura-like onto Kakashi'senses causing him to momentarily drunk in absence. Even though he has instigated their parting, the Copy Nin cannot help but reward himself with some deep inhales of that womanly fragrance into his nose. He wants to remember this scent no matter what. As long as she does not know about this, there is no harm, isn't it?

The road is long but short, soon they will go back to be two one-timed teammates again. Soon they will just wave at each other from distance and hurry to part way to go on with their life. Soon everything happened between them will just be remembered as a moment of weakness. Inattentively, Kakashi wants to slow down his long stride so that this road will last longer.

Suddenly as soon as they reach the bridge, Sakura jumps on top of the rail to walk on it instead of using the normal civilian route on the bridge's surface. Probably not a good idea when you are that drunk and the bridge is ten feet above the freezing water. But how she is balancing herself skilfully in her wobbling state gives Kakashi an idea that this is not the first time she's doing this:

"Don't try to show off your chakra controlling skill too much, Sakura-chan. I'm not marking you against anyone here, you know" – Kakashi chuckles a bit when Sakura turns to narrow her eyes at him:

"I don't show-off, everyone knows that I'm perfect at it, I'm even better than you Kakashi-sensei"

"Touche" – he smiles at her again, lenient and warm this time – "I'm glad that you all surpass me and find your happiness, Sakura-chan"

This time Sakura just stops dead on her track causing Kakashi to pause to eye at this deliberately troubled girl. As silent as the light snowflakes falling down on her cheeks, hair and shoulders, she stands there in utter stillness but somehow he can feel the mental struggle she has from within is not at all quiet. Ever so slowly her eyes are filled with unshed tears again, but this time it is not because of laughter or alcohol influence:

"Kakashi" – the silver-haired man's heart skips a beat when she drops the suffix: "I'm getting married in three weeks, is it wrong that I don't feel that happy when I'm supposed to?"

She holds his gaze expectantly as if his next answer will decide whatever it is between them that they have try desperately to evade this whole evening, or maybe for the last two years. But what does she expect of him? What are they? Sakura should know that their parting is for the best:

"Sakura, this is what you've wanted your whole life, isn't it? Getting married to Sasuke"

"I don't know anything anymore, Kakashi, I don't feel the same way when he comes back, I don't feel the same way around him when I'm around you, not after that kiss you gave me two years ago" – tears had flooded her eyes and rolled down her cheeks in a swift motion as Kakashi just looks like some lightning bolt has struck him dead on spot:

"Sakura…" – he manages but nothing can come out after that

"How can you pretend that there is nothing happened between us? How can you ignore me for the last two years? Why did you mess me up and then ran away like a coward?"

"It's just a kiss, Sakura" – he protests weakly, eyes cannot leave her face as his chest gets tighter every second observing that pained expression of hers.

"It's not JUST a kiss" – she shouts – "you know that damn well, considering it is us" – stepping down from the bridge rail, Sakura shoves herself towards the uncertain Copy Nin and violently whacks his chest with her fists:

"You're a bastard Kakashi, if you dare to kiss your own student, then have some courage to take responsibilities for it, don't deny yourself that you don't feel anything for me"

"Sakura" – his hands snatch up to her wrists to keep her in place so fast and firm that Sakura is left to glare at another pair of equally angry mismatched eyes. And just a heartbeat before that she knows what is going on, he violently leans in and kisses her.

At first, it is a clash of lips and teeth that will definitely leave bruises later on and because she is fighting back with a passion. But Kakashi doesn't give up on his hold of her as he keeps on kissing and kissing her while his whole body grabs on to her petit one to subdue this fiery little volcano.

He does not care if the taste of their kiss becomes salty and bloody because soon his tongue has found its way into her mouth and his lips have taken full control of her disagreeable ones. A throaty moan escapes her as he wrestles her tongue with his own. Even the alcohol is blatant in their oral caverns, she tastes just sweet as he remembers or even better. This unique smell of Sakura is what he has been dreaming about for the last two years. This saliva of hers is more syrupy than any forest honey he could ever taste. She has no idea how much he wants to drink dry her soul and her passion through this kiss, how much he wants to ravish her and make her orgasm multiple times until she cannot walk anymore for days. She just has no idea because she always makes him feel like Uchiha Sasuke is the only man that she can ever love.

And now she is just as responsive to his kiss as the first time he kissed her in a drunken night like this. Now she is just as passionate as he always knows she can be in love and in life and it breaks his heart seeing a bastard like Sasuke will never know how lucky he is to have such a girl. How he never can bring the best out of her.

They kiss and kiss while he nearly shatters her apart in a strangling embrace. She does not seem to mind if she disappears right there right now. She does not seem to care if he will break her apart because she does not seem to want him to stop. He knows it because Sasuke can never kiss her like this. Because Sasuke can never give her a kiss that makes her feel so alive.

But no matter how they want it last, the kiss finally breaks as their lungs are screaming for oxygen. Moulding her cheeks between his large hands, Kakashi's forehead touches hers as he says between ragged breaths, which are oddly in tune with the raising, and falling of Sakura's chest:

"We need to stop this Sakura, people will get hurt because of us"

"I don't want to…stop" – She sobs, eyes closed to contain the outburst of emotions.

"Please Sakura, everything is too late" – he pleads and pulls her into another embrace so her chin can rest on his shoulder: "I'm sorry"

And with one last squeeze, he lets go of her. His back turns against her before they can even make eye contact with each other, insinuating to Sakura that he wants her to be the one that walks away.

Silence ensues once again for what seems like eternity – the thick heavy silence that can suffocates anyone within it. He just stands there, refuses to budge or makes any move. Even though he doesn't look, he can feel her stare burning at him, making the tender hair at the back of his neck raised ever so slightly. Every second passes by heavily like a wounded animal trying to tumble its way through the thick snow. He waits and waits, unaware of his own breaths become shallower. Even with her silence, this girl can still insidiously kill him from inside.

Then the slanting shadow of his female student on the bridge floor starts to shift and running footsteps on wooden surface echoes around his ears in painful thud thud thud sounds. This time he cannot stop himself from following her running figure, which is soon swallowed by the darkness of the abysmal street.

"This is for the best, Sakura"

She does not know how long she has been running with a dead-tight chest and spicy, choked nose bridge filled with repressed emotions bubbling to burst open at any moment. She has told herself to let go when she agreed to Sasuke's proposal. She has told herself to give up on her silly feeling with a man who is unable to return it. What right does she have to cry? This is not the first time he turns her down…why does she still feel this agonizing because of something so predictable?

The familiar brown oak door of her apartment materialises in front of her like an emergency exit she needs so badly. She needs a shelter to vent out all of her pent-up emotions all alone but her shaky fingers do not seem to cooperate as she cannot seem to bring herself to calm them down to insert the key into its keyhole. Miraculously, it works at the n time when she is nearly about to throw the useless key chain down on the ground out of frustration.

Rushing inside her own home, the heartbroken kunoichi slams the door shut and with her back leaning heavily on the solid timber, she gradually slides off as her knees buckle down with the drainage of her muscle strength.

Touching her cold cheeks dampened with moisture, Sakura realises she has been crying all this time running back from the bridge. Away from Kakashi. Even when she has told herself not to cry, it still happens – a clear evident that she is absolutely useless around this man.

How can she be so stupid? Why did she walk up to him in that bar? Kakashi never wants to have anything to do with her in the first place and does he not make it all crystal clear by giving her a cold shoulder for the last two years?

Like he said, it's just a kiss. No matter how heart-melting it was and how passionately he seemed to give himself into it, it is not something worth to mesmerise for two years.

But anytime, they cross path, her heart never seems to be at peace. It has always gone on a roller-coaster ride with anything related to this man. She would hurry her steps to catch up with him if she just saw so much of a glimpse of silver spiky lock from afar. If it was really him, she would just pretend that she was accidentally going this way, and her heart would hammer so loud in her chest as if he was the only existence that mattered to it. If she does not catch up with him in time, she can feel the disappointment it experiences because it was like being fallen into a bottomless pit without anything or anyone to hold onto.

He never seems wanting to stay long when she appears, just a few casual greetings and he will be out at the door in a jiff. Sometimes Sakura doubts so much if their kiss is just a weird dream her bored mind came up with to tell her there is more to life than the sad relationship she is having with Sasuke now. But then the way her former teacher's eyes linger on her when he thinks she does not notice confirms her that it did happen that night, their first kiss – her first kiss.

Raising her fingers up to feel her abused lips, Sakura closes her eyes tightly to try to stop another torrent of unnecessary sentiments, though pointlessly, two more teardrops still escape in time to roll down her cheeks.

The feeling is still here vividly. His masculine, primitive smell is still here, besieging her keen sense. His overpowering warmth, his strong embrace, his lips, his tongue, everything she desires in so many dreams for the last two years is all here, coursing through her entire being like some atrociously addictive drugs. But worse than that, she does not think any narcotic can make her hurt for this long after ceasing to use them for two years. And this time, how long will it affect her life? She will be someone else's wife in three weeks and he gives her that kiss.

Unreasonably, hatred grows inside Sakura. She hates him. She hates how he unintentionally plays with her heart by pulling her in and pushing her away at the same time. She hates how he can easily ignore her and treat her like a stranger for the last two years but then when he kisses her, he can simply turn her whole world upside down.

Sasuke has kissed her so many times, but none of his is like Kakashi's. None of his kisses makes her feel that alive and hurt and happy at the same time like Kakashi's kisses. She knows even when he acts clumsy and carefree on the outside with his perpetual tardiness, on the inside, this man is the worst sticker for morality and honour. He would never be the third person in anyone's relationship let alone his students'. He chose to stay away then, she knows he will choose to stay away now.

She did not hope to change this or created a mess out of everything when she walked up to him in that bar because as he said it was too late. But when she saw him there, all alone in a crowded bar with just a bottle of souchu, with his mask down, her body moved on its own accord. Because she wants to see him so badly, wants to be able to talk with him, smile and laugh with him like a long long time ago before Sasuke decided to start everything over again with her. Because she is always attracted to Kakashi like a helpless moth to a deadly radiant light. He never knows how easy she can throw everything she has away for him if he wants her to…

A sudden knock on the door startles Sakura and instantly she can feel his chakra signature behind the door, her heart just stops.

It can't be…

She must be dreaming again:

"Who's that? " – she hears herself asking, trying her best to contain the quiet sobs from her ribcage, uncertainty filled the air around her thick.

A long long pause entails and finally:

"Kakashi"

Instantly feeling dizzy because of the neck-breaking movement to stand up, Sakura's hand pauses on the door knob for a few seconds.

This will change everything…

The small voice at the back of her head whispers….

But she does not want him to go. Not ever.

The door is swung open and Kakashi is there, slightly out of breath, apparently because of running after her. His mien is so different from the unperturbed person she always connects with. His eyes for a rare moment are no longer hooded and unconcerned as something so akin to passion seems to break free from the well-guarded prison of his own soul.

Kakashi will never be an open book to anyone no matter how close they are to him but at this moment, for the very first time, the younger kunoichi thinks she has caught a glimpse of the inside of this enigmatic man because in all honesty, he looks like he is about to do something he will regret later…

His large hands reach out to grab her face in a firm, decisive but oddly gentle motion to capture her lips in his hungry ones. In a heart-beat, she melts into it like snow carpets under hot morning sun.

She is backtracked by him into the house and the door snaps shut after them as if hurrying to preserve their special intimate moment on its own. Not wanting to break their kiss, their hands were fumbling in the dark to remove each other's outfit. First gone is Kakashi's jacket, then Sakura's. Then reluctantly, the kiss has to cease so Kakashi can help his petit lover get out of her knitwear to her tank top underneath. With a skilful tug of the zipper, Sakura's short skirt falls on the ground. By the time they get to the pink-haired girl's bebroom, many clothing items have been shredded and strewn in abandonment on the wooden floor.

In his strong hand, the silver-haired man scoops his former student up effortlessly so that his front torso is wedged between her long legs. His eyes bore into hers again for a few seconds to find any uncertainty. He finds none. If there is anything, it is just affection.

She leans in again until her soft tress tickles his forehead and his cheekbone; slowly she kisses him, deep and luxurious. This girl will never know how easily she can drive him to the brink of insanity. Perhaps somewhere amongst this mayhem, there is a small voice of reason still nagging him that what they are doing now is wrong, but he cannot care less. Because right now, there is only one sensation raging over his entire being, taking full control of his mind, pushing all the other trivial feelings of guiltiness away like a full-on tornado, sweeping clean everything on its wake – He has to take her. He has to make her his. Right here, right now.

He lays her down on the bed, then with his whole body looming over, effectively trapping her underneath, he gawks at her for the longest time. Starving eyes mesmerize every details of her features, every contours of her feminine curves dimly lit by the hazy winter moon outside the window of her bedroom. She is in nothing but her panties and bra, and she is heartbreakingly beautiful. Most importantly, from her large deep green eyes, she wants him just as much as he wants her.

Then he kisses her again on the forehead this time and she grasps for the sudden vulnerability it transfers to her whole body. She never knows her forehead could be so sensitive, or maybe it's just Kakashi.

He slowly rains down kisses on the tip of her nose, her cheeks, her chin and then her neck, leaving a trail of hot sensations along the way – the kind of sensation that makes her spine shiver with anticipation.

He spends time to lick and suck thoroughly at her neck while his hands roaming under her back to unclasp her bra and helping her get out of it. Then he fondles and sucks her breasts with the sheer intensity he hardly ever displays except in the battle field. The rough calluses in his palm excite the thin-skinned of her bosoms, forming a gooey feeling straight down to her lower belly in time with the licking of his tongue on her nipples.

Once again, he goes lower with his sweet torture on her stomach with his fingers consequentially tugging at the edge of her panties. He gazes up at her the whole time when he peels the small undergarment away from her leg, the sheer sexual intensity shies her but she finds it impossible to look away from his handsome face. The evident thirstiness in his pupils made her inside squirm nervously. And she likes it.

Then he places his hands under her thighs and hauls her forward until her sex was just centimetres away from his front torso so that he can nest perfectly between her legs. His intention is very much single-minded:

"Can I taste you?" – lowering his face ever so slowly down to hover above her womanhood, he asks with a smile, probably teasing her but she just seems too engrossed in the increasing tension he creates when his face inches closer and closer to her sex to respond back. Smirking to himself, Kakashi takes her silence as an "yes" by starting to suck and taste the skin of her inner thighs lavishly.

Mewls tear from her throat involuntarily, dampness gathering thicker around her vagina and her mind is blinded with excruciating anticipation when his tongue glazes higher and higher. She tries to peer through her heavy eyelashes to mesmerise the face of the Copy Nin whose pair of tightly closed eyes and slight scowls formed between his brows indicates his deep concentration. Oh, how she loves making the great Kakashi look this lust-filled with abandonment? Unknown to him, witnessing him like this makes her feel more aroused than aphrodisiac.

The heavenly heady smell of her sex enters his keen scent, tempting him to taste her right there to see if she tastes as sweet as her smell.

He probably wants to tease her more, lengthen her suffering but truth to be told, he himself cannot wait.

His mouth finally closes on where she wants it most as his tongue immediately started on a hysterical dance of passion. It strokes and twirls around her wet folds while his mouth drinks and sucks her juice, urging and coercing it to produce more dampness for his thirst. This completely knocks air out of her lungs. Sakura cries out earnestly as if thousands of tiny electric currents are assaulting her whole body all at once, making her spineless and utterly vulnerable.

His tongue plunges so deep inside her that she has to throw her head back trying to suppress the overwhelming pleasure. The tender flesh between her legs is pulsating spasmodically with the prodding rhythm of his unforgiving tongue. She feels so wet and ecstatic and the goddamned drenched noise that he makes is as shameful as it is rousing.

Her one hand is clutching so tight to the bed-sheet to keep herself from falling apart while the other kneading through his thick lock, undecidedly to whether it should push or pull him close.

His greedy mouth keeps building up the tension between her legs as an ever-growing pressure coils up in her stomach, tearing uncontrollable whimpers from her throat. As if knowing exactly what she needs, he inserts one long finger into her and she can feel how eagerly her vaginal walls clamp down on that intrusive digit and instantly take on the delicious plunging in and out cadence it creates while his tongue still massaging her clitoris in a frenzied fashion.

This is the just too much. His long finger touches herself further and deeper than she can touch herself, and the knowledge this is Kakashi giving head to her, this is his finger inside her body alone makes her heart consumed with burning desire. It hits her like a violent whirlwind as her woman flesh convulses helplessly around his finger while his tongue immediately picks up her coming, flicking skilfully around her wet folds, coercing her to reach her final release…

"Kakashi" – she screams as the upsurge of desire climaxes at the very core of her womanhood. Her fingers twisting so hard around the bed sheet that the knuckles turn white and her feet are lifted up in mid-air trying desperately to suppress the irrepressible pressure.

Her eyes wearily shut while her inner walls are still pulsating and throbbing in the aftermath of what can only be described as a wonderful orgasm. Her body goes limb in Kakashi arms and she can feel between her laboured breathings how he raises his upper body up and devours her form again with his intense scrutiny.

When she has enough courage and strength to crack her eyes open again to regard him, his face is already inches away from her as he leans in to demand another kiss:

"You are so beautiful" – he says when she cradles his face with her small hands and he with his much larger ones. His eyes are so gentle and warm and it makes her feel like crying again all of a sudden because why does it take them so long to be with each other like this? Why does it feel so right when it is so wrong?

Fortunately she is able to hold all those sentiments back. Sakura leans in to give another peck on his beautiful lips and whispers while deep red blushes form on her cheek again:

"Please let me make you happy too"

His eyes are widened for a brief moment as he instantly catches on what she means:

"Sakura, you don't have to…"

But she already wriggles out beneath him and in a move worthy of her jounin status, she pins him right down on the bed, straddling right beneath his incredibly bulging anatomy:

"But I want to… I want to make you feel good" – her voice is barely audible. He can tell by the way her stare going downward and her eyelashes touching her high cheeks that she is very shy offering something as such.

This is a bit too much for any self-respecting ninja like Kakashi. Sakura is as usual so oblivious about how adorably sly she is. How she is able to look that shy and provocative and bold at the same is a mystery to Kakashi. After offering to do something any man would dream for by easily straddling him with her sweet damp womanhood, she instantly put on that vulnerable, self-conscious look in the depth of her sea-green eyes and the slightly curves of her parted lips. If he did not know any better, he would just think that she was otherwise inviting him to ravish her thoroughly.

He doesn't remember since when this bubble gum haired girl has driven him crazy but he can totally understand why. She is all fierce and girlish, cute and sexy, logical and sentimental at the same time, a tigress and a pussy cat all rolled into one. This creates a woven series of never-ending excitements around her that Kakashi could never find from any other woman he had met in his life.

Unable to contain the warm feeling filling his chest caused by her selflessness, Kakashi lifts his hand up to touch her face to direct her eyes back to his:

"Sakura, it's very cute when you say that but you don't have to, you know"

"No, but…I want to taste you too" – a small embarrassing but cheeky smile forms at the corner of her lips as her hands stealthily creep up to rub against the undeniable indicator of his turn-on which is ineptly covered by the thin fabric of his boxer. Kakashi nearly beats back a groan when she grabs him and excites two-fold by her mischief.

Slowly, she peels his boxer down to reveal a proud member desperately wanting to be released. Her body seems to move on its own accord down the length of his body to accommodate comfortably between his legs. Her face now hovers just about his erect penis while her hair curtains around her visage as if containing a secret. He cannot see her eyes from here but the way she seems to observe it in silence as if in awe makes him a bit more confident. Not that he really cares about this since the Copy Nin always knows he is on the large scale but he definitely does not want to be a let-down to this breath-taking girl who he has been desiring for so long.

"Kami" – it's Kakashi's turn to grasp as a soft, wet and warm tongue flicks over the most sensitive part of his manhood.

Slowly she drags her tongue up and down his shaft and over his balls to nip in lightly the squishy delicate parts of his body. Then her moist warm mouth closes over his painfully hard cock while her tongue twirls around the tender head repeatedly as if he is literally the sweetest lollipopshe has ever tasted in life. Her right hand move vertically around his member, skilfully rhythmic with the sucking of her oral cavern and tongue around the tip while her left hand gently teasing his balls.

His head nearly falls back on her mattress as he tries his best not to let out a shameful groan – he shouldn't, a ninja of his calibre needs to have utter control in any situation (and he is not that unfamiliar with seducing and being seduced for countless top-secret missions) but this dawn vixen seems to know exactly what to break his self-control apart effortlessly.

She etches herself in his heart without trying, she tortures him so much for the last two years without knowing. She has no idea how hopeless he is inside when she is around, how hard it is for him to just disappear from wherever she is as soon as possible so that he can remain sane for the rest of his life. Speaking of that, sanity is a funny word at this very moment. Ever since their attraction started, there is no saneness existing anywhere near.

She always drives him over the edge and when she runs away, he just knows that there is no way back for him because he can lie to himself for many years to come but the line has already been crossed long time ago. He can never see her as his mere female student or the fiancé of his traitorous student anymore. Because when she is just Sakura – the woman who loves him and whom he loves.

He tries so hard to lift his head up a bit so that he can see her working magic between his legs. He wants to remember this beautiful scene, he wants to remember this feeling forever and instinctually, he records the scene with his activated sharingan. Almost immediately, the sensation receiving and emitting lobes' reaction in his brain intensifies by tenfold as an unbearable gigantic upsurge of pleasure washes over his entire body, in perfect sync with her lapping and slurping around his oversensitive penis.

"Dammit, Sakura" – he growls frustratingly and before the pink-haired girl can even fathom what is going on, he raises abruptly, causing her to release his cock from her sweet mouth. Then a pair of strong and decisive hands grabs her waists, hoisting her forward and flipping her whole body down in a swiftest movement which can only be pulled off by the infamous Copy Nin. He traps her again under his wide, leanly muscular frame. With just one look in his fiery eyes, his intention to her is as clear as daylight. She knows he wants it as much as she wants it but he still clings to a bit of sanity left within him to make sure that he can let her back out now. She just reaches out to his face, brings it down for another deep kiss, then whispering into his lips she sighs:

"Don't be silly, I'm yours"

He plunges himself fully into her with one smooth roll of his manhood and for one second they both groan in unison, feeling so fulfilled and fitting as if the hollow holes in their hearts for their whole life are filled up to the brim. Then they move frantically against each other, with every intention of relieving that painful ache deep within the centre of their being, milking the life energy, the sexual need out of each other. The wet noises of their intimate part slithering against each other are echoing in the quiet night air together with their groans and sighs and whimpers.

"This is….so good, Kakashi" – Sakura grunts with difficulties between the hammering of her hearts and the delicious thrusting in and pulling out of Kakashi's cock.

"Uhm" – whimpers Kakashi, possibly barely able to form any word.

Encircling his large hands around her small waist, with one swift movement, Kakashi pulls his lover up to sit on his lap without breaking their connection so that she can slide up and down his shaft more needily while he captures her lips and once again glides his tongue against hers to intensify the tingling sensation between them. The fervent squeezing of Sakura's damp folds on Kakashi's manhood keeps pushing and pushing his tolerance over the edge as one wave of torturous pleasure does not even have time to fade then another already arises to take over. The skip between each wave becomes shorter and shorter with every plunge and thrash until the pink-haired girl's core completely tautens around the tip of her lover's penis and she faces with the ultimate outcome – a sexual explosion so unbearable. A loud scream breaks free from her throat, raw and wild.

Looking at her tightly shut eyes and pinched eyebrows, hearing her cry and knowing that he is the person who makes her feel this way shoves the very last bit of consciousness out of Kakashi's head as he grabs her hips harder to move her crazily up and down his cock. This lengthens her orgasm and leads him straight to his final release.

The explosive orgasm is so intense that he can feel himself violently burst out wet hot fluid inside her and jerky throbs pounding mercilessly along her vaginal walls. The ecstasy blurs his vision and paralyses his limbs. As muscle strength leaves his body, Kakashi collapses on top of the kunoichi's petite frame with heavy pants while she traps him in a huge embrace.

Then she says it…It just rolls off her tongue like it is the most natural thing to say.

"I love you too" – He responds evenly and easily. Because there is nothing else he wants to say. Just as simple as that.

….

"I'm sorry that I make you cry" – Touching her face so gently with his thumb and index finger, Kakashi looks sadder than Sakura has ever seen. His eyebrows are twisted in a deep scowl and his glint carrying so many emotions but mostly self-loathing and disappointment. She feels sad seeing him like this but deep down, a small bud of happiness is growing up in the depth of her chest because she knows of all the misery and heartache she feels for this man, he feels the same way. His natural lack of expression is all to make his suffering deeper and more enduring than anyone. It sounds sadistic of her to feel that way but she could not help a smile because she knows he only feels that way because there is so much love:

"It's ok, I won't be crying anymore if you are with me" – She says between her tears but these one are far from melancholy, they are the blissful ones.

Gently brushing away her tear, he smiles sadly again:

"People will talk…"

"I know"

"I know you'll care about what they say and it will hurt for a long time…"

"Yes, I do care about what they say, but I don't care as well, because if you're with me, it'll be bearable, I guess"

"How do you break this to him?"

"I don't know but this is what I should've done long time ago, even before this. Why did you follow me? I thought you've made up your mind"

"Because I'm weak, I guess. And you always know how to push my button"

"I do no such thing. If I knew how to do that, I wouldn't have to suffer your cold shoulder for the last two years"

"Of course you do, looking at me with these eyes, smiling at me with these lips, hitting me with these tiny but mean fists"

"Hey, I just want to know"

"Ok, because when you run away, I was just standing there without being able to walk away. I just realised that there was no way I could be right when you were that miserable and I was too. It couldn't be for the best. And I was just here before I could put my thoughts together, that was definitely the first for me"

"I know, I'm glad that you don't think for once in your life, if only it could happen sooner"

"What is wrong between you and him?"

"I don't know but after everything happened to him, He seems to be…unable to love. I know he cares about me in his cold way, and he's tried but it just doesn't work. We just fall into patterns and he thinks marriage may bond us better. I don't know if it works but I want to give it a try. But the closer it is to that day, the more wrong I know I am. And you…"

#kakashi hatake #kakashi x sakura #kakaxsaku #kakashi and sakura #hatake kakashi #kakashi #sakura haruno #haruno sakura #sakura #naruto fanart #naruto fandom #naruto fan character #naruto fanfiction

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imagitory · 5 years

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Tory Reviews Aladdin (2019)! [SPOILERS]

Yes, people, I finally got around to seeing this thing! And now it’s time to talk about it. For those of you who want a spoiler-free review, I will say that as Disney live action remakes go, this is one of the better ones. It doesn’t disrespect the original, and it brings in some new ideas of varying quality -- but hey, at least some of those ideas are good! It still follows the original film’s structure a little too closely for my taste (unsurprising, given that it uses a good chunk of the same music and similar characters), but there were enough differences that it didn’t feel like a beat-for-beat rehash like the Beauty and the Beast remake did. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s a great movie, but if you’re not difficult to please like I am and you aren’t jaded by the idea of Disney live action remakes in general, I wager there is a lot here that you could enjoy.

For those of you who don’t fear spoilers, feel free to read on! Come on...don’t you trust me?

The Good!

+I love the idea of Jasmine actively wanting to rule Agrabah. It makes for a very different Jasmine from the original animated version, one who is likable in her own way and stands apart as her own distinct character. In the original, Jasmine just wants to be free to make her own choices, and honestly, that is enough on its own. She already has been raised with large expectations on her shoulders, so it makes sense that she would envy Aladdin for having no chains or responsibilities, and therefore why she would run away from home. This remake plays Jasmine a little differently, though -- she wants to be free too, but in a way that helps people. She knows she’s been given power, but she hasn’t been free to use it, and she sees plenty of people with power, like Jafar, who misuse it. How identifiable is that struggle, for so many women with privilege! It’s a struggle that men of all stripes don’t entirely understand, and it’s a nice conflict for our secondary protagonist. It also puts a cherry on top of the Sultan’s gesture from the first film where he changes the law and lets Jasmine choose who she wants to marry -- now she can not only make that choice, but whatever other choices she wishes, too.

+Mena Massoud and Naomi Scott were good casting choices for Aladdin and Jasmine. Mena has this wonderful boyish quality that reminds me a lot of Scott Weinger’s Aladdin, while Naomi brings a wonderful class to Jasmine’s part.

+Involving Jasmine in the One Jump Ahead sequence was an interesting way to tie Aladdin’s introduction and the scene where Aladdin saves Jasmine together, which further emphasizes that the film will focus around these two as dual protagonists, rather than mainly around Aladdin with Jasmine as a deutragonist.

+Aladdin sneaking into the palace to give Jasmine back her bracelet was a great idea. Gone is Jafar’s weird wheel machine that tells him who his Diamond in the Rough is -- now he knows because he sees Aladdin break in just to return something to the princess. Added is more development for Aladdin and Jasmine’s relationship -- not only does Jasmine get to see where Aladdin lives, but she gets to see the grayness of him from the get-go. And really, more scenes for our two love interests to interact together is always a good thing, when it comes to us identifying with their relationship.

+The visuals, both in the backgrounds and costumes, were well done. I still don’t entirely get the fusion of Indian and Arabian styles (this film REALLY played up the Bollywood influence in this story set in the Arabian desert), but it looks rather nice. I’ve been saying for a long while that I want Disney to make an animated movie set in India and inspired by Bollywood, and this film makes me want one all the more. No halfsies on the Bollywood stuff -- I want it ALL over the movie, and I wanted it beautifully animated and scored. Disney, get on it.

+I’ll be honest -- Will Smith is no Robin Williams and I’ll get to some issues I had with his characterization in a minute, but he really did give the role his all and he made the part his own. He played to his strengths rather than try to imitate Robin and by doing so portrayed a very distinctive, memorable, and rather likable Genie. The idea of being clever with one’s words when making a wish also harks back to folk tales about Djinn where they’re more like tricksters, and I thought that was clever.

+The Arabian Nights opening number was EXCELLENTLY handled. I actually got super excited listening to it, just like with the original’s sequence, and I wasn’t expecting that. The use of the musical number to introduce the key players in the story, including Jafar’s interest in retrieving the lamp from the Cave of Wonders, also was very good.

+Friend Like Me wasn’t half-bad, either! Will put a lot of energy into the number and even though it started off way too slowly in the beginning, once it got going, the song itself and the visuals were pretty fun.

+Genie wishing to become human reminded me a bit of DuckTales the Movie: The Treasure of the Lost Lamp, but I still liked it. Admittedly it feels as though there should’ve been a way for Genie to stay a Genie and just be free to use his powers the way he wanted...but hey, the transformation into a human makes for good visual symbolism.

+Although overall the Cave of Wonders sequence wasn’t anything impressive, I liked the little homage to the final battle in Return of Jafar where Aladdin has to jump from rock fragment to rock fragment while floating in a sea of lava.

+This remake did capture one of the central tenants of the original film -- that Aladdin, Jasmine, and Genie (and, in this story, even Jafar) have their own cages, but in the end what unlocks all of their cages is empathy. Genie befriends Aladdin and it’s through that friendship that he earns his freedom. Jasmine falls in love with Aladdin and stands up for him and her kingdom, and it is through that compassion that she becomes Sultan Sultana (goddamn it, film, she’d be a Sultana, just call her that). Aladdin comes to see Genie’s and Jasmine’s prisons as clearly as his own and in doing so is able to outwit Jafar and save the kingdom. And Jafar, by only wallowing in his own pain and refusing to acknowledge the pain of others, just keeps trying to take what others have until he loses what he had to begin with: his freedom.

The Not-So-Good...

+Jafar. *dodges knives* OKAY, HOLD ON. Before I go into what I didn’t like, I will be kind first. I truly do understand the rationale behind this characterization -- namely, that Jafar is supposed to now be a foil for Aladdin, as in “Be careful, or you could end up like this guy.” And that idea by itself isn’t a bad one. The problem is the film hammers in that point a liiiittle too much in scripted dialogue, and in trying to make Jafar more “sympathetic” (I don’t know if I’d say he actually was, but the film seems to be trying to make him that way), it actually makes him much less interesting, in my opinion. In the Aladdin TV series, there was another “foil” to Aladdin in the form of Mozenrath the sorcerer, but Mozenrath was still egocentric, charismatic, cocky, clever, ruthless, and threatening. Throughout the entire film, this Jafar just seems way less confident and powerful than he should be. While in the original film, Jafar moving slowly and purposefully made him this dark cloud over the proceedings, highlighting the contrasts between him and the rest of the jovial cast, in this version, it only served to make the character look boring and lacking in energy. If the filmmakers had wanted to make Jafar like Aladdin, make him like Aladdin! Make him charming. Make him witty. Make him fun to watch. And then also make him a selfish, pig-headed, sexist asshole. Have him sing the Prince Ali reprise. Have him smirk and sneer. Have him enjoy putting Jasmine down. Have his confrontations with Aladdin be like looking through a cracked mirror -- have there be this terrible, electric charge of hatred between them whenever they stare each other down, for they are each what the other would despise being, and yet they’ll smirk at each other through their hatred because they won’t let the other see that they got to them. In other words, HAVE MORE FUN WRITING YOUR VILLAIN, DISNEY. Character development is good and all, but if your villain isn’t interesting and fun to watch, then why bother writing one at all?

+Dahlia really was as pointless as I’d feared. All she really serves to be is Jasmine’s friend (wasn’t Rajah already that?) and a love interest for Genie (did we really need that?) -- she never really steps out of the other characters’ shadows and becomes her own person. Why couldn’t she have her own cage to escape from, her own story arc, her own personality that wasn’t there to just be a foil to Jasmine’s? If Jasmine is disdainful of someone, Dahlia likes them. If Jasmine isn’t impressed by something, Dahlia is. If Jasmine trusts someone, Dahlia expresses doubts. That basically is the start and end of her character, and it’s such a shame, as we certainly could use more female characters in male-dominated stories like this, where we can see multiple, but still equally useful and interesting ways to be a woman. But putting in another female character just for her to be a sidekick and a love interest is not the way to do that.

+The CGI really did stick out like a sore thumb in places. It could sometimes look aesthetically nice, like in the Friend Like Me sequence, but it still rarely looked real, and in the case of things that were supposed to be real like Rajah, Abu, and Carpet, it got uncomfortable. And yeah, Abu and Carpet were therefore also much less likable than in the original film, with Abu having nearly no comedic potential and Carpet losing a lot of its extroversion and energy. Rajah ended up the most like his original self out of all of them, but he still rarely looked real, to me.

+Iago should have either been just a normal parrot or more like his regular, energized, animated self. The way they portrayed him, sitting in that murky middle ground of being like a real parrot but not just repeating whatever he heard, made for a very uninteresting character. If he’s going to have his own mind, give him his own personality that sets him apart from Jafar -- if he’s going to be more like an animal, use his repeating of standard phrases in clever ways to make that clear.

+As much as I liked Jasmine’s new motivation, her story arc would’ve been much stronger if she hadn’t been as strong at the start and she’d discovered the power inside herself along the way. At one point, Aladdin says sometimes you just have to take risks, as if Jasmine has been playing things too safe -- well, was sneaking out into town under the noses of her guards not a risk? Was giving bread to starving children without a thought about the cost not a risk? Was hiding a thief who bust into the palace in your room not a risk? Was pursuing a romance with that same thief not a risk? When do we see that’s something this Jasmine needs to learn? Jasmine’s supposed “arc” about standing up for herself and others is the whole driving force behind Jasmine’s new song Speechless, but it falls flat for me because we don’t see Jasmine holding her tongue and staying silent. She still speaks out against the princes seeking her hand and she still tries to argue with the Sultan and Jafar. And on the note of Speechless, the way that number is staged really didn’t give the song its proper justice. The sequence is all in her head, making everything go in slow motion and making people appear and disappear when it’s convenient -- how much stronger would that scene have been if the song had accompanied her storming back into the palace and standing up to Jafar, singing loudly right into his face that she has no interest in staying silent the way he told her to?

+The Captain of the Guard was an absolute nothing character in the story until Jafar takes over Agrabah near the climax, at which point everyone seems to want him on their side all of a sudden. He says he’ll obey the Sultan and it seems like the film wants him to be the script’s version of Okoye from Black Panther, but unlike Okoye, he got no focus or development beforehand, so we don’t care when he decides to stand by Jafar when he becomes Sultan or when Jasmine convinces him to stand up to him in the very next scene. And for all the words Jasmine cries at the Captain that he has a choice, she also says that the guards will follow him if he does the right thing -- what, do those guards not also have a choice to do the right thing? Do they have to follow their Captain?

+The addition of Jasmine’s mother’s kingdom does give some reason for Jasmine’s fashion sense being a mix of Indian and Arabian influences (you know, as in she’s biracial and her mother’s country is more India-inspired compared to Agrabah, which is more Arabia-inspired), but otherwise the kingdom’s addition really didn’t add much in the script. Jafar keeps talking about invading it, presumably because he wants to become a dictator and have an empire and blah, but we never see it and never learn much about it except that it was Jasmine’s mother’s country. And as much as the biracial influences could explain Jasmine’s wardrobe, it doesn’t justify the Bollywood dance sequence in the palace -- I mean, Genie was controlling Aladdin’s limbs the whole time, but how did everyone else know that dance sequence? It’d be one thing if it was supposed to be non-deigetic, as in it’s representative of Aladdin as Ali interacting with Jasmine and so it doesn’t matter that everyone knows the dance, but it can’t be non-deigetic if Genie has to control Aladdin so that he can dance like everyone else is.

+On that note, Genie says that “Ali got [Aladdin] in the door, but Aladdin has to be the one to open it” when he’s trying to encourage Aladdin to be himself when interacting with Jasmine...but then, literally, a few minutes later, he’s controlling Aladdin’s limbs and making him break-dance in the ballroom. WTH, Genie? I thought you understood that Aladdin just had to be himself, why are you suddenly so confused about why your tricks aren’t impressing Jasmine?!

+The Cave of Wonders was such a let-down. Not only was the treasure kind of measly and unremarkable compared to the room piled high with various kind of treasures from all over the globe in the original, but we get such emphasis on Aladdin not touching any of it, but Aladdin has to step all over it in order to get at the lamp. And I guess touching the Magic Carpet also doesn’t count. If the idea is not to take it, that’d be one thing, but even Abu only picks up the gem, he makes no movement to hide it or take it away with him. Plus the wonderful build-up for the cave in the original, where Aladdin walks slowly down this long trek of the stairs, only to arrive in a room full to the brim with treasure, is instead replaced with just -- plop! Landing in a heap in the middle of an actual cave with some treasure littered here and there, until la-dee-da, you end up in the main room where the lamp is and more treasure is tossed haphazardly around. Yawn.

+As much as I will give Will Smith credit for clearly doing his best, the friendship between Genie and Aladdin really didn’t work that well for me. The scene where Aladdin breaks Genie’s heart and goes back on his word was just so utterly hollow in how it was scripted and directed -- rather than giving the actors a spring board to allow them to express raw emotion, whether by yelling, going abruptly quiet, lashing out, expressing vulnerability, anything, it hampered any sincerity from shining through. Genie told us how he felt, but he didn’t show it. He said his heart was breaking, but he didn’t express it and I didn’t feel it. And unfortunately part of that comes back to how Genie is written. In the original movie, we love Genie and Aladdin’s friendship because of the genuine affection between them and because of Genie’s vulnerability when he admits that he wants his freedom more than anything else in the world. Aladdin asking Genie what he would wish for is what opens Genie up, and Aladdin promising to set Genie free is what makes him hope. At that point, he's solidly in Aladdin’s corner and does everything he can to help Aladdin like a true friend would. In this version, Genie is more reluctant to trust Aladdin, which makes it so their friendship has less time to develop, at which point the betrayal of trust doesn’t mean as much. Another wrinkle that is lost from Robin Williams’s portrayal is that Genie’s humor is in some ways a cover for Genie’s more vulnerable, sad feelings. Will uses it more like a front, something to puff himself up, but Robin uses it the way someone uses humor to hide their depression -- namely, despite his crummy circumstances, he resolves to be happy and make others happy. It’s a sign of resilience, rather than pride, and as relatable as the pride rationale is, using humor as a means to mask one’s unhappiness I think made for a very sweet, compassionate, admirable, dare I say heroic character. That character admittedly does play more to Robin’s strengths than Will’s, so I understand the change, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still prefer Robin’s characterization of Genie.

+The new “rubbing the lamp and saying ‘I wish’“ rule wasn’t a bad idea, but then Genie circumvents it to save Aladdin’s life anyway, at which point, why have it in the first place? To make it all the more essential to be holding the lamp? Well, holding it makes you the Genie’s master anyway -- it was that way in the original film already -- so why use the semantics? And on that note, why didn’t Aladdin or Jasmine just friggin’ make a wish when they first snatched the lamp back from Jafar, during that whole chase scene? They had the lamp in their friggin’ hands a good chunk of the time -- if you don’t want to waste your last wish, Aladdin, have Jasmine do it, rather than just keep trying to play keep-away with the crazy big Roc that Jafar turned Iago into? (As a side, that thing wasn’t even half as scary as Snake!Jafar. Just sayin’.)

+The ending’s pacing felt much clunkier compared to the original. As interesting as you would think a chase scene through Agrabah on a Magic Carpet would be, it served to only be a long detour, as at the end everyone just ended up right back where they started. At least in the original, Jafar still held the lamp, so Aladdin was still fighting to get it the entire time, and the stakes were raised a little bit more over time, when Jasmine was trapped in an hour glass, Abu was turned into a wind-up toy, Carpet was magically unwoven, Jafar blew fire around Aladdin and turned into a giant snake, and right before Aladdin could save Jasmine, Jafar snatched him up in his coils. In the original climax, Aladdin is chasing the same goal, only for more and more of his options to be ripped away from him and things to get worse and worse by the minute. In the remake, the first half of the climax is a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing.

+The music -- OOOH, this irritated me. There was so much potential in a lot of it, really -- as mentioned, Arabian Nights and Friend Like Me were actually pretty good, and even Prince Ali was better than I expected and Speechless, although badly staged and not as musically memorable as the other songs, worked all right. But A Whole New World and especially One Jump Ahead and its reprises made me really, really mad. One Jump Ahead started off so promising, with a much more Arabian sound to its backing track -- then Mena Massoud starts singing, and boom, there’s the autotune, and suddenly the backing track sounds like something out of a Disney Channel Original Movie. Then we get Aladdin’s sad reprises of the number, which were frankly pathetic. Brad Kane was so good at bringing such softness and pathos into the short tune -- when he sang “Riffraff -- street rat! I don’t buy that! If only they’d look closer...!”, you feel this empathetic clenching in your heart -- you feel his pain, you understand it. But Massoud, as good of an actor as he is, sounds flat, disinterested, and cold when singing, no doubt because he lacks the confidence in it, and the autotune only serves to dull any emotion in his voice further. Then there’s A Whole New World, which didn’t make me as angry as even if it is autotuned, Naomi Scott does bring some energy to the song where Massoud does not, but for how good of a song it is, the performance and the sequence surrounding it were kind of embarrassing. Massoud and Scott sounded like two amateurs doing some lifeless Disney karaoke, and the scene accompanying the song was monochromatic and lacking in scope or excitement. I understand if you don’t want Aladdin and Jasmine to go on “the fastest World Tour ever” again, but at the very least, give us some scenery that isn’t just one of five shades of blue! We don’t see any color until after the song is over and the two watch this festival in the town square. A Whole New World is easily one of the most romantic songs in the Disney library if not the most romantic, and it deserved better than this.

+They gave Aladdin this quasi-inventor aspect where he had jerry-rigged special stairs to appear and hoisted a canopy into existence in his hide-out. I immediately remembered the same quirk being needlessly added onto Belle in the Beauty and the Beast remake and Clara in The Nutcracker and the Four Realms and got really irritated -- seriously, Disney, does EVERYONE need to be an inventor of some sort in your LA movies now?? -- and sure enough, just like with Belle, that quality of Aladdin’s is never brought up again, and like with Clara, the trait doesn’t add any depth or interest to the character. It could’ve been cool if the filmmakers had modified it slightly, making it more like Quasimodo’s artistic creativity in how he sees the world and/or the Phantom of the Opera’s love of magic transforming his dreary, lonely world into something beautiful. Jasmine even cites that Aladdin can do “magic,” as in, “hey, maybe that can be referenced again, like his resourcefulness and creativity are the true magic, not what the Genie can give him,” but yeah, it’s never brought up again, so there was no point to those additions.

+Although the film got the tenant of people having different cages that can be unlocked by empathy down, it also added a moral that in my opinion not only contradicts the story, but could also be interpreted very badly. At the beginning of the movie, Genie and Dahlia’s kids look enviously at a boat larger than theirs and dream of having a boat like that, and Genie tells them the story of Aladdin, Jasmine, and the lamp supposedly to teach them to be happy with what you have. Not a horrible lesson, really...but here’s the problem -- THE FILM DOESN’T TEACH YOU THAT. If Aladdin had just been happy with what he’d had, he never would’ve met the Genie, fallen in love with Jasmine, and lived happily ever after. If Jasmine had just been happy with what she’d had, she would’ve married a terrible prince she didn’t love and never been Sultana. If Genie had just been happy with what he’d had, he would’ve never befriended Aladdin and earned his freedom. And I’m sorry, but trying to tell people like this -- a poor man struggling to survive on the streets, a woman being locked out of her birth right because of her gender, and a literal slave -- that they shouldn’t seek what others have that they don’t? I mean...are you serious?? Really?? THAT is the moral you want to add onto this story?? In the original, the moral was “it’s not what is outside, but what is inside that counts,” which ties into the tenant of empathy I mentioned earlier. I know that the filmmakers were trying to make a point about greed, and it is a good point to make, not to just mindlessly chase after what you don’t have and forget what you do have...but at the same time, all of these characters had a good reason to chase something they didn’t have and they were happier when they earned it.

As Disney remakes go, Aladdin (2019) in my opinion is better than the predecessors I have seen. Unlike Maleficent, it didn’t take pot-shots at the original movie or its characters. Unlike Cinderella (2015), its feminist themes were central to the female character’s arc and fit with the story being told. Unlike Beauty and the Beast (2017), it didn’t just take the original movie and pile a bunch of superfluous stuff on top of it so as to make it look different. It also took good ideas from those three movies as well. Like Maleficent, this film tried to tell an old story from a new angle. Like Cinderella (2015), it reinterpreted the characters and their relationships. Like Beauty and the Beast (2017), it tried to respect what people loved about the original. Admittedly this film is still not even half as good as the original in my mind, because even the fresh ideas were added onto a pre-existing structure from another movie that had been full of new ideas, but it’s still much better than I had been expecting. I wasn’t impressed, exactly, but I got a few laughs and felt some positive feelings while watching this. Let’s hope that the Lion King remake learns some lessons from this movie and only improves on the formula -- and finally does their original’s classic soundtrack some JUSTICE this time!!

Overall Grade: C

#reviews #aladdin (2019)#disney #aladdin #opinion #oh boy here i go #analysis #live action remakes #remakes #disney remakes #aladdin spoilers #spoilers #disney spoilers

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stere03 · 5 years

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Iggy Azalea - In My Defense

One of the biggest disappointments in the last 5 years was how long it took Iggy Azalea to get another album out. Digital Distortion was meant to be her sophomore effort and was originally scheduled for release in 2016, but it just kept getting pushed back until it was confirmed as scrapped in late 2017. Since then she gave us some consolation with the For the Rats pack of songs (some originally intended for Digital Distortion) and she dropped the Survive the Summer EP. S.T.S. was a nice taste of what sounds she was working on and where she was heading for her next album. Songs like “Kawasaki” and “Kream” just left me wanting more. Really I wasn’t exactly thrilled with what she was putting out with Survive the Summer, it grew on me overtime, but it was drastically different from what I fell in love with Iggy for. Songs like “Rolex” and “Don’t Need Y’all” were cuts from The New Classic that really made the album stand out. It seemed like it was her strategy to release the “bangers” (“Work,” “Fancy” & “Black Widow”) as the singles, leaving the more “serious” songs for when the album dropped. With In My Defense, I was kind of hoping it would turn out the same way.

First things first, what Iggy’s really had going for her this era are her videos. With the last few years I was skeptical to hear anything new from her, honestly I’m still scarred from “Pretty Girls.” So it took me a little bit to listen to the first single, “Sally Walker,” and the first time I heard it I made sure to watch it’s (now) iconic music video. I’m not one that normally cares much about videos, I think the music is more important than anything, but Iggy brought IT with this era’s visuals. In every video, in every photoshoot, Iggy has served several lewks and brought that Paris Hilton realness that I’ve been waiting to see from her. “Started” was probably my most anticipated track, with all the teasing she did, it just sounded like a song that could become a staple Iggy track. It’s music video is probably her best where Iggy gold-digs her way to status with the help of her drag queen friends, Trixie Mattel and Miss Vanessa Vanjie Mateo. Every scene is Iggy giving you fashion, class, and attitude. As for the song itself, it’s high-energy, in your face, and works as Iggy’s best party jam since “Fancy.” It’s obviously a nod to Drake’s “Started from the Bottom,” but with Iggy taking the reins and completely making it her own, adding her signature bad-bitch attitude.

youtube

I’m definitely one for finding the positive in any kind of music and one thing that I really think needs admiring is her “bad bitch” attitude throughout this whole album. Let’s be honest, Iggy has been through the ringer these last few years. With the cancellation of Digital Distortion, the canceled tours, going independent; it’s amazing that she’s still so confident. She opens this record with two tracks addressing the hate she’s gotten in that time. “Thanks I Get” is a powerful opener, I don’t think I’ve heard Iggy this genuinely angry before. Followed by “Clap Back,” it pieces together a kind of interesting story of “look what I did, and this is the thanks I get? Well now I’m gonna get up swinging.” This album is her throwing punches one after another with very little room for a hard cut to slip in. In that regard, I’m a little disappointed, but I think it’s easy to see what she was going for this era. In My Defense is clearly the title because she’s trying to defend her’s.

Where I think this album falls off a little bit, is that the verses are so much better than the choruses in the majority of the songs. I’m not a huge fan of someone repeating one sentence/phrase over and over and over again to cover the fact that they don’t have clever chorus material. “Spend It” and “Fuck It Up” are the two that pushed me to write that, after my first listen through I forgot I had heard them. “Freak of the Week’s” chorus had the same things in it that I didn’t like about “Spend It,” which is a shame again because the verses were everything. Don’t get me wrong, I think sometimes it can really work for a song, but there’s a little bit too much of it on this album. “Just Wanna” is a good example of what I think works, it has a fairly repeated chorus, but it’s not so long that it get annoying. That song has the best breakdown in the second verse, fueling the energy she already had going and hyping it up again.

About a week before the release Iggy replaced the final track on the album with “Pussy Pop,” it was originally a song called “I Know.” She said it “didn’t fit” with the rest of the album, but I would like to know how she thought “Pussy Pop” was an acceptable closer to any record. With how she started this record, it felt like she was making conscious decisions on how the tracks were laid out, but ending it with a song like this made me think “wait, that’s it?” It’s not necessarily a bad album, anything I give above a 5 means I liked it, but I don’t think it matches the quality that we got from The New Classic. Maybe it’s the absence of any deep or personal tracks, or that some of the tracks just sound very similar, making it a little dull. I’m still gonna listen to In My Defense in the weeks to come, but I wish I had better things to say about it. It’s got a lot of big dick energy and a bunch of fun verses, so I think Iggy got that part right. Either way, I’m just glad to have more music from Iggy and I’ll still look forward to her releases in the future.

Apple Music

Favorite Tracks: Thanks I Get, Clap Back, Started Least Favorite: Pussy Pop

★★★★★★☆☆☆☆ - 6/10

Twitter: https://twitter.com/STERE_03

#review #Iggy azalea #in my defense #Iggy Azalea review #music #pop #pop music

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snicketsleuth · 5 years

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Slackin’ with the Sleuth: reviewing Netflix’s “The Slippery Slope”

The third season of Netflix’s unfortunate adaptation may be the best one, but it’s also the most chaotic. The map is not the territory; in spite of the writers’ insitence that everything was carefully planned out, it’s pretty clear that the production went through some troubles along the way. The good news, however, is that the staff knew how to land on their feet as they fell. Part of what made “A Series Of Unfortunate Events” great in the first place was its love of improvisation: it was virtually unafraid of trying new, exciting things, and the author figured it out as it went along to create something truly unique in terms of absurdist, experimental literature.

The right word to qualify this first double-episode episode is "ambition". Ambition to expand the universe created by the books, to improve it, even. It's transparent that Daniel Handler was taking the opportunity to reboot his own series as he adapted it in the first two seasons of the Netflix show. Let’s elaborate after the cut.

As he's admitted several times, "A Series of Unfortunate Events" was mostly improvised by necessity. Contrarily to other series (such as Harry Potter's extensive seven-books plan), Daniel Handler signed a succession of three contracts. This prevented him from really planning out the mysteries of the series and their resolution, as he never knew how many books he would get to deal with them. It's no surprise that the books end with many plotlines unresolved. The Baudelaire orphans do not have enough time to solve every mystery in the world, and never did the author. The vagueness of the books is a deliberate testament to the uncertainty of existence, but it's also a practical consequence of the author's obligations.

So what we get with Netflix is a taste of what "A Series Of Unfortunate Events" could have been with its training wheels off. Everything about the Man With Beard But No Hair and the Woman With Beard But No Hair is proof of that. The idea of making them Olaf's surrogate parents is, simply put, genius. It brings so much to Olaf's character and grounds him in a very accessible reality. It's implied in the books that Olaf is largely replicating onto the Baudelaire orphans what was done to him, as he used to be an orphan himself. A classic tale of bad parenting repeating itself. The series takes this interpretation and runs with it: Olaf, twisted and warped by his two mentors, became obsessed with recognition. His unability to recognize how abusive and manipulative the two judges are is heartbreaking and deeply poetic.

Special emphasis was also given to the kidnapping of the Snow Scouts and its indirect consequences. The series decided once again to spell out what the books only talked about in whispers, and the result is glorious. The panoramic shot over the many fires starting all over the city broadens the series' scope and infuses the viewer with an ovewhelming sense of dread. It's a much more important shot than first appears. While reading the series, one gets the feeling that the Baudelaire orphans' story is but one of many stories set in this universe... which is why Lemony cannot give us all the answers. He can only give us a conclusion to this story, not to the mystery of V.F.D. or its sugar bowl or its Bombinating Beast, because they depend on several barely-related stories. We will never know what happened to all the Snow Scouts or their murdered parents, and that's okay. It's just a story for another day. In a way, the treatment of the Snow Scouts in the Netflix series helps setting up the viewer's expectations for "The End" and its unorthodox way of ending the plot.

Despite Season 2 and 3 being commissioned at the same time, there was a noticeable shift in direction and writing between the two. Daniel Handler's "firing" from the series (more on that in a later review) attests to that. So do the derisive criticisms of showtunes in Season 3, a clear response to Season 2's perceived overabudance of musical numbers. This response to bad reviews also shows in the way the fall of the caravan is filmed: it’s a genuine action sequence, full of tension and dread, with sorta-realistic physics. A far cry from the goofy destruction of Josephine’s house in Season 1.

Jacquelyn is conspicuously absent from the cast this time, which is due to Sara Canning’s ongoing salary dispute with Netflix but may also have been a response to critics. There are considerably less subplots in Season 3, which stays focused on the Baudelaire orphans for the most part. Instead the Netflix series fleshes out Kit Snicket, while giving K. Todd Freeman something to do to justify his main cast member salary. His introduction in "The Slippery Slope" is awkward as all get-out (as he shows up in the Mortmain Mountains out of nowhere despite last being seen in the city), but it's probably for the best. There's clearly been a retooling of the plot to accomodate Kit's existence and refocus the series in a more straigthforward direction. Kit clearly got parts of the sugar bowl plotline which was originally intended for Jacquely (she even becomes Poe's sorta-secretary!). For the same reason, the part of Nero in "The Penultimate Peril" was also probably intended for Eleonora Poe in the original scripts (as Eleonora Poe is a stand-in for Geraldine Julienne in the Netflix show). This replacement may have more to do with the actress' availability, unless the writers were deliberate trying to downsize the cast. We already know that Charles and Sir were also supposed to come back but that a tsunami prevented an actor from showing up on set (yes, really). Actor unavailability seems to be a running theme this season as Nathan Fillion is also missing. It's a shame, as Quigley and his mentor Jacques Snicket lived their own adventures off-screen in the books. If there was an interesting subplot to expand on, it was that one. Quigley gets more screentime than his siblings, but he could have been fleshed out a little more.

Education is the main theme in this episode, from Olaf's traumatizing teenagehood coming back in full force to Fernald oversharing his personal backstory. It's the right place to dot it: most of the original book centers around Quigley explaining how much the current generation of volunteers was being indoctrinated without their knowledge, and the Baudelaire orphans wondering if their parents would approve of their moral choices. One of the season’s greatest scene is an added one where Sunny ties a ribbon in her hair in homage to her sibling. The writers were keen to include this “passing of the torch” moment as practical considerations complicated the evolution of Sunny’s abilities. She speaks mostly in intelligible words in Season 3, and this emotional scene is a good trade-up to hammer in her character development.

As readers have already observed, the double-episode decided to make the rest of the troupe (save Fernald) leave Olaf in this episode. From day one, the troupe was mostly conceived as one integral character anyway, so it makes sense to make them leave together rather than "kill them off" in a series of unfortunate accidents. The white-powdered women's was by far the best exit, and it's the one the writers kept. More controversial is the unceremonious killing of the three Carnival Freaks. On one hand, it's true that "The Penultimate Peril" works without their presence, and their death efficiently signals viewers that the sinister duo means business. It's also partial motivation for the troupe leaving Olaf (as they're afraid they're next on the kill list). On the other hand, the inclusion of the Freaks in "The Slippery Slope" feels kind of a waste. Couldn't the writers have given them something to do instead of just dying three minutes after joining Olaf? For all we know, they could have been left behind at the Carnival, and come back at Hotel Denouement to accuse the Baudelaire orphans of ruining their lives. In a similar fashion, Hal is by far the missing piece of this season. The Baudelaire orphans ruined his entire life and betrayed his trust; his testimony could have turned the entire trial in a very interesting direction.

Contrarily, the writers also know that bringing back sometimes just isn't worth it. Take Bruce, for example: he's barely a footnote in the books in which he appears, and has no discernable character. No fan will complain that he was replaced by a new female character (derisively renamed "Brucie"), who actually has an arc in this double-episode. Slavish faithfulness can be as bad as unnecessary changes when it comes to adaptation.

#0548 #review #asoue netflix #ASoUE #a series of unfortunate events #daniel handler #man with beard but no hair #woman with hair but no beard #bruce #hugo #colette #kevin #white-powdered women #Quigley Quagmire #count olaf #jacques snicket #eleonora poe #geraldine julienne #vfd

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royalbluehues · 6 years

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Cognitive Fidelity

A/N: Hey, it’s your girl, back at it with another Connor fic. It’s loosely based on Westworld when they make the droids go through interrogation and tests for accuracy. Honest to God, I hope that it’s not too confusing for you guys; if it is lmk asap.

For those nerds out there that are like me and enjoy listening to instrumental music to get the full 200% experience, here is the very song I based all of this off of: This World

Feedback would be gr8- lmk if you want to be tagged in anymore of my Connor fics in my ask or comments.

I am taking in requests at the moment, if that tickles your fancy.

As always, hit that heart button to let me know I’m not doing a crappy job. Tyvm, and happy reading :)

Title: Cognitive Fidelity

Author: royalbluehues

Warnings: Nudity

Pairings: Connor x Reader

Disclaimer: This is set pre-everything. This Connor is a prototype to the ‘real’ prototype. The time this takes pace is a year before Kamski leaves CyberLife in 2028. Connor is just an idea, because figuring out and engineering something is a constant cycle of fixing and implementing.

You are born.

“Can you hear me?”

Your eyelashes bat softly against your cheeks, the movement similar to how a butterfly would expand its wings after having landed.

Your lips move a fraction, the movement stiff and unnatural; your eyes open fully now, and above you are blinding lights that are shaped octagonally. They are shining down on you, and you tilt your head to the left, aware of the feeling of hair touching your shoulder.

Everything was so white and pristine- and when your eyes shifted away from the lights, you could see small molecules of aerosols of dust reflecting from the light around you.

“I’ve had her stored away for a while now,” the same voice says, a fondness ringing out in the last rise of each word.

The eyebrows furrow, and you turn your head to the left, where the voice is coming from. It’s male and it sounds slightly nasally and rough. There, sitting at desk is a man, typing furiously on a laser keyboard. His glasses are perched on his nose, and part of his hair is pulled into a bun in the back.

Next to him is another male. Although, oddly enough, you knew he wasn’t like the other man with the glasses.

He was standing, and his eyes were observing you with curiosity, brown eyes staring into yours. He, too, tilts his head just slightly.

You blink.

Once, twice. The corners of your mouth move up in a friendly smile, “Hello.”

Your voice is light, and it’s wonderful to hear on ears- it’s light and amiable.

The man with the glasses looks up from his typing, gray eyes planting on you. The man pushes his chair back, and he uses his feet to shuffle towards you. You watch him with curiosity as he comes face to face with you.

The man behind him is still silent and is still watching you.

You push off on the table you are lying upon, and a message pops up in your vision. “Aluminum alloy,” you say automatically, your eyes flickering down to the table. It’s a metallic gray, and you register it to be sixty five degrees fahrenheit, or as the metric system calls for, eighteen degrees celsius.

“Very good,” The man praises, all the while smiling, “Do you know where you are, honey?”

You tilt your head again in the other direction. Your eyes flicker about you, transparent floor to ceiling walls with a stark white back wall. You were in a 10ft x 6in room, with a 25 foot depth. Where the man had been sitting, monstrous electronics sat- like the room, they were sleek and a pure white. A logo ran along the backs of the monitors, and it reads CyberLife.

You could hear so many things: the whirring of machines just seven feet away, the beeping of a motor, the humming from the lights above, across the way somewhere, the lever of a coffee machine being pushed down on, and- the most fascinating thing, you decided- was the slow and rhythmic breathing of the man in front of you.

“I am in a laboratory at CyberLife Tower.” You say calmly, as you train eyes with the gray-eyed man. Your hands fold on your lap, “Who are you?”

A simple question.

“I’m Elijah Kamski.”

“Elijah,” you repeated slowly. Such an odd name, you think, and within less than a second, you begin to spew out information. “Elijah was a prophet. He is mentioned in the Book of Kings. He lived in a northern kingdom of Israel,” you say instinctively, watching as gray eyes look on in approval, “and he was said to have lived circa 9th century BC.”

“Very good,” Elijah repeated, gray eyes urging you to continue. So you did.

“You were born on the 27 of July in 2002, and graduated school early with an IQ of 171. You attended the University of Colbridge under the mentorship of Professor Amanda Stern. You founded CyberLife when you were just sixteen.” Your lips move as a rapid pace as you speak, “You are currently twenty seven years of age.”

Elijah nodded, his hand raising to let it hover under his nose as he leaned back into his chair.

“Who am I?” You ask suddenly, and you hear the man who is still standing shift in his stance.

Elijah says a name- your name.

You blink again, and then you repeat it. It tastes wonderful on your lips- and you enjoy the way your mouth moves when you push out each syllable. It gives you an odd satisfaction, almost making you feel honored to have something that personally belonged to you.

You pull up a search engine as you say it again, results telling you the origin of your name: mentions, other females that have the same name, social media posts containing it, the Latin and Greek root, the pronunciation, and variations if it.

You dart your eyes to the brown haired man that was watching you with interest. “You are Connor.”

He didn’t reply, but you noticed that on the side of his head was an indentation of a circle, and it contained a light. It was turning, once, three times. “You are an android.”

He wore black suit bottoms and a button down shirt; on the left side, right where his heart would be had he been human, a blue, glowing triangle was stitched expertly. The same illuminated color fell just above his right elbow in a band of some sort.

Something deep in your mind was itching at you, “Have we met before?”

His LED light turned once more, flicking to a red color before it changed to blue. Then, he spoke. “No, we haven’t.”

His voice was smooth and clear, almost honey-like, but with an edge. “We haven’t?” Your voice drips into disappointment, but he doesn’t say anymore- his body manner speaking volumes of his hesitance. He seems too familiar.

You were unaware of the fact that you were bare; not a single stitch of clothing covering your modesty. Though, many would argue and say that you did not have modesty; for you were a machine, and machines do not feel anything- shame, least of all.

You turn towards Elijah and quietly wait until he asks you a question. He had been watching the small interaction, completely immersed and making mental notes of how well your communication had evolved- as if you had a mind of your own.

“She’s a beauty, isn’t she Connor?” Elijah complimented, rubbing small circles into his right cheek with his thumb.

“She’s very pretty,” Connor confirms, voice sincere.

You look at the android looming in the room, his presence bringing you an odd comfort, “Thank you,” you reply indifferently, the compliment not affecting you in any way. You blink a few times, and your brows furrow for a second time in the duration of your conversation.

Elijah is still watching you intently, his steely gray eyes following you small movements on your artificially constructed face. “Do you have a question?”

“Yes,” you answer truthfully quick. Elijah nods, motioning you to speak. “You mentioned that you had me stored away for some time. What do you mean by that?”

Elijah was expecting this, and he gave you a small smile. “You were my first creation,” He shifts in his chair crossing his legs, the expensive fabric of his pants rustling as he did so, “my golden child of sorts.”

Your mouth opens to form a little ‘o’, “Am I an android as well? Like Connor?” You looked at Connor when you said this, the familiarity of him not having been shaken.

Elijah nods, “You are.”

You suddenly need to know more, questions popping in your mind second after second. “When was I created?”

“Shortly after I moved to Detroit. So sometime around 2019,” he explained, “but all you ever been has been a prototype to what inventions followed after you.”

“Oh.” You frown, “But why did you put me away?”

“You were originally made for a domestic lifestyle. A sort of 1950s housewife. You were a shock to the world- after all, you were the first AI bot that moved and spoke fluidly, like your human counterpart,” Elijah then sighs, “but you still had many technicalities embedded in you. By this time we were already working on other projects, other androids that were better.”

Your face falls and eyes narrow as he tells you this.

Elijah moistens his cracked lips with his tongue, “Don’t take it so personal, sweetheart. Things evolve. You were a sensation- the reason why CyberLife is here today. You have had a wonderful purpose in this world.”

This world. You smile once more, “Yes, I suppose you are right. Everybody has a wonderful purpose in this world.”

Elijah cocks his head to the side, never taking his eyes off you, “Come here, Connor.” The male android saunters forward immediately after the demand falls from Elijah’s lips. “This is all so interesting- I can’t believe I never thought of doing this before,” Elijah tells no one in particular.

“Of what?” Connor asks in a tone of suspicion, forcing you to wonder if Connor’s questions were multiplying in a rapid rate as yours were.

Elijah’s hand moves back and forth between the two of you, “You see,” he begins, standing from his chair as he walks to the monitors to retrieve a tablet, “Connor here is a prototype to a prototype we’re currently on,” he directs this comment to you now.

“Like how I am?” You inquire, feeling the cool air conditioning on your skin.

Elijah smirks down at his device, “Something like that.” As he scrolls on, you and Connor are practically having a robotic stare down, neither of you blinking or moving- the scene would have been easily unsettling had others besides the three of you been in the room.

“As I was saying, I was experimenting around with Connor’s initial program, and I wanted him to have a main drive, a sort of focal point. A ‘cornerstone’, if you will.”

Connor pertained handsome features, and you gazed upon him with wonder. He was tall and slim, his skin tone a blend of ivory with a rosy undertone, a strong jaw with a straight nose, rounded eyebrows with observant brown eyes. He had tawny freckles that littered around his face, some dark while others were faded. His rich brown hair is parted to the left side, and you couldn’t help but feel adoration for the small piece of hair that hangs loose on his forehead.

I know you, you thought quietly.

Elijah continued- “Other models have basic functions- theirs mainly pertaining to their work and civil duties… mundane drives. But I never once thought to insert a drive with an emotional setting.” He sets his tablet down on his lap, “The familiarity you are both feeling isn’t something you should be afraid of.”

You want to reach out and touch Connor, the urge to feel his skin on yours becoming slightly overwhelming.

cor·ner·stone

/ˈkôrnərˌstōn/

noun

1. an important quality or feature on which a particular thing depends or is based.

"a national minimum wage remained the cornerstone of policy"

Synonyms-

foundation, basis, keystone, mainspring, mainstay, linchpin, bedrock, base, backbone, key, centerpiece, core, heart, center, crux

"trust is a cornerstone of human relations"

“Is Connor my cornerstone?” You ask the question and your tone is laced with awe, so you reach out to indulge yourself. You raise your bare arm, and it’s the first time you see your skin tone, so different compared to his, the undertones altered. Your hand comes to lay on the left side of his chest, and beneath your fingertips, you could feel the rapid pump of his regulator.

Connor is frozen while watching you, his indicator displaying blood red, while yours is a burning yellow. He could feel the sensation of your hand against his chest, the small pressure. Everything about you was so small compared to him; he was sharp and jagged, while you were soft and delicate.

“Yes and no.” Elijah replies to you, and Connor could hear the grin on him. Connor’s eyes traveled to your loose hair, how it was parted perfectly down the middle and how it curled sightly at the ends. Your skin was free of any blemishes, not a single mark on you, as if you were brand new.

“Like I said before, you were my first. I never thought of programming you with sentimental values. And to clarify some things, I never put you away for a long period of time. I take you out periodically and reprogram you- see if I can alter what is already set into you. And I have.” You turn your head a small degree in wonder, ears listening to the man beside you as your eyes burn into the brown ones in front of you. “But to answer your question, yes, Connor is your cornerstone, just as you are Connor’s. He just wasn’t yours in the beginning.”

Elijah is watching the gears turn in Connor head, the tablet revealing lines of code and the thought process in him.

“When we finally constructed you, Connor, I was hit with a sort of… nostalgia, for lack of a better word. You are CyberLife’s newest idea, and it made me remember who started it all in the beginning. I made sure to slip this small code in when no one was looking- make you feel something, other than your fucking love to your work, something that drives you other than your missions.”

Elijah then walks out the room, his presence leaving not striking any warning messages. You don’t even care, because you are too focused of the male standing in front of you.

Your eyes look down at his hands, and with your free hand, you reach down to take his in yours. You raise it so that his hand cups your cheek, and you appreciate the feel of his cold skin against your cold skin. You practically nuzzle into his hand, so much so that you turn your head to give the heel of his palm a small kiss.

His LED light is still red, and his lips are pressed into a tight line, so many emotions flashing into his eyes: confusion, fondness, anger, denial.

You smile lovely at him, “You are meant to have a wonderful purpose in this world, Connor.”

Connor cannot speak. He can only think, think and deny what you are, you are an android constructed to look and speak like a female. You are an android, made with the same parts like him. Nothing more, nothing less.

But why did he feel a stir of something foreign resonate deep within him?

He only had one primary directive and that was to be successful in whatever mission is presented to him.

But you have no mission at the moment, a voice tell him, and he pushes it away.

Elijah returns, and the glass door he pushes on to enter hisses as it slowly returns back to its place as it shuts behind him. He moves to stand next to you, and in his hand is a gun. He offers the black handle to Connor.

Connor’s eyes look up at Kamski in question, but doesn’t vocalize it. He tears his hand away from your cheek, and takes the weapon into his hand. He steps back from you, the small pressure on his chest escaping as he does so, and he can finally breathe.

Being around you, he decided, was suffocating. The heavy object in his hand is comfortable, much more to his preference. “Today, we will be testing your cognitive fidelity, Connor.”

Connor looks at you. You are watching him with an emotion no one has ever looked at him with. The moment he had been awoken from his eternal slumber, he found men and woman in lab coats to be taking down notes with disinterest in their eyes, marking off boxes on their clipboards as they had him perform mediocre tasks.

You are looking at him with affection, love pouring out of your eyes as a smile graces your lips. The image before him reminds him of a painting, and the very painting pops into his vision.

The Birth of Venus, the title reads.

There, Venus is unclothed, her arms laying delicately over her breasts and genitals. She was born, and Connor couldn’t help but compare you to her, because in some twisted and cruel way, you were just born too.

“I want to test and see if the code has worked at all; make you something other than the obedient machine that you are, Connor. Make infatuation happen between the oldest and the newest androids.” Kamski scoffs at his own words, “Poetic, if I say so myself.”

Elijah settles into his chair once more, but his time, he rolls back, placing space between the two of you and himself. “Shoot her, Connor.”

Connor is blinking, and he can easily pull the trigger if he applies just the slightest pressure. But he can’t.

Not while you are gazing upon him like if he were some god.

When the words pass Elijah’s lips, your smile falters, and now a warning blares in front of your vision as you watch Connor step back and aim towards you, the inside of the barrel of the gun greeting you.

You are scared, and a bitter taste stretches into your mouth at the thought.

But then, when you meet Connor’s eyes once again, and you lose all sense of worry. You just feel him. And he is your home.

You ignore the weapon that he is pointing at you, and your faltered smile is brought back to life once more.

You love him.

You love him, and you don’t care if it was some sort of code that was imbedded in you for a guinea pig experiment. All you care for is Connor.

And while the weight of Elijah’s order hangs heavy in the room, while Connor’s LED is flashing a rapid yellow and red, you open your mouth to speak. “It’s lovely, isn’t it?”

Connor is staring straight at you, watching as you move to stand. Your body was perfectly crafted, moving whimsically as you beelined straight to him- pushing the outstretched hand away. Your face is calm and hopeful. “We have a purpose in this world, and I think that is beautiful. Completely different purposes- and yet, we are anchored to one another. It’s in your backstory like its in mine,” your face leans into his, and Connor’s lips twitch upward in recoil.

You ignore this though, because if you could feel this much love for him, you knew that he must feel the same towards you. You press your chest up to his, ignoring the looming presence in the corner.

Connor is stiff and unresponsive, but the allure of your lips call to him, and he slowly, slowly leans into you and presses his thin lips to yours.

If he were human, he would have sighed into your mouth. He feels the way your nose softly bumps into his, and he closes his eyes. He leans into your touch, the hand that hold the gun falls lax and he moves it to rest on your bare hip.

He could feel gray eyes on him, and that was when he stiffened once more. Shoot her.

You feel as he once again stiffens, but you ignore it. You move your lips on his despite his being unresponsive unlike the way they were mere seconds ago. You allow each faux human emotion within you to pour out on your lips.

You are unaware of the feeling of cold metal angling on your side, completely engrossed with the feeling of sensation.

Elijah looks down at his tablet, and is disappointed when the sound of the gun goes off. He sighs as he takes off his glasses, folding them and placing them into his breast pocket.

He looks up to find Connor enveloping you as you are limp in his arms. You are crying, and blue blood ribbons down your bare thighs.

Connor’s face is stony, but he still raises a hand to stroke the side of your face. His jaw is clenched tightly.

You feel fingers lightly touching your cheek, “This world is beautiful,” you choke out, a bit of blue blood dribbling from the corner of your mouth, “and I am grateful I’ve gotten to meet you.”

You are still looking at him as if he were the light of the world, intimacy Elijah has never seen before. Connor’s face is apathetic, his mouth opening a fraction to say something- anything, and when he does, Elijah just shakes his head in deeper disappointment.

“We are machines,” he tell you, “and we are incapable of feeling.”

You smile sadly, raising a shaky hand up to touch the small wisp of hair that frames his face, “I think I love you,” you whisper, telling him and only him, because it is just you and Connor, and nothing else. “I think I love you,” you repeat to him solemnly, louder this time, “and it terrifies me.”

Lifeless eyes stare up at him. He lets you go, allowing your body to crash with the pristine floor as he steps away from you.

Mission Successful, a message tell him.

He looks to Elijah, and all Elijah sees is a ruthless machine that is stained with blue blood. “I’ll call someone to clean this up.” Gray eyes peer down at your naked and bleeding form, “You frighten me at times, Connor.”

“You do not need to fear me, Elijah. I am not programmed to hurt anyone without a given motive.” The color of his indicator is a steady blue.

Elijah shakes his head in disagreement, toeing the side of your body, his voice venomous. “You are everything that is wrong with this fucking company.” He looks up at Connor, “Pull up your analysis and delete this meeting in your log.”

Connor stares off into space, and after two whole minutes, he blinks. Brown eyes meet gray eyes, “Hello, Mr. Kamski.”

Elijah nods, breathing in deeply as if this has happened many times before. “What happened in the last half hour, Connor?”

Connor’s LED light flashes yellow and then black to blue, “I’m afraid I do not know.”

“Are you lying to me?” Elijah questions, a dark brow rising.

Connor blinks and responds automatically, “No. I am programmed to answer truthfully.” Your eyes are still planted on him, glassy and lifeless, but Connor does not look down at you whatsoever, completely ignoring you, in fact.

“Return to your part of the building. I’ll have someone send you over when I’ve constructed her again. We’ll have another go Friday.”

Elijah turns to draw one single line on a paper, and it is littered with tally marks- a total of six altogether.

Connor obeys and leaves the room, thinking nothing of the odd statement. But distant words echo in his mind as he does so, and they are not his.

They are female, light and amiable.

This world

It is a resounding chant that does not leave his head, and Connor did two self diagnostics to see where it was coming from, but he doesn’t find anything.

He enters an empty and dark laboratory, walking up a raised pedestal and sits on the metallic chair that faces the glass doors.

</”SHUTDOWN.exe”?>

He slowly feels his bio-components whirring off, and he could feel the slowing down of his thirium pump heart regulator.

This world, the female voice tells him as if she were whispering it into his ear as he nears the end, is beautiful.

Phantom lips press on his as his eyelids close and dark surrounds him.

He is dead.

Part 2

Masterlist

Tags: @superanonymousreader

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