#so a quote from a poem I wrote is a good medium place for when my brain feels like it’s melting out of my ears cause I’m thinking too hard

[blankspacebye]

Lieu de Mémoire

“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.” - Charles Dickens, Great Expectations (1867).

I don't know how to put it up. Words flew away and I can't describe my feelings. There's no reasons behind this post. I just really want to write something but nothings came to my mind. A lot of subjects and topics or (maybe) things to write but no words seems fit into this piece of blank space.

I reach my laptop and end up staring for five minutes. Staring nothing, seeing my bare plain desktop and searching for nothing. Opening my music list and replaying Never Let Me Go by Florence + The Machine for couple times. Start to read some of personal essays on Medium. Re-read my own digital bible, my "unpleasable" poems, bunch of my "hideous-brief" notes, accompanied by rain, family chit chats from across the room and Florence's serene voices.

It has been months since I rarely self-talk. I've got myself a lot of distraction and wasn't brave enough for paying attention to myself. I wasn't brave enough to dig deeper and peels every layers on myself. There's time when I searching what lies behind beneath the surface of myself but most of times I ran away and looking for places to hideout.

When you read this post, you might be asking why this girl "out of the blue" being so brave emotionally expose and vulnerable? Is she okay? Is this post seems right to do for this 'not-so-young' girl? Are this kind of things quiet normal to do by a woman whose in her mid twenties? And another questions that might be line up in your heads right now.

I don't care. I supposed not to care but (maybe) I am.

Lately, I've been finished two Netflix series as my lovely Roman-Empire. Re-watching Normal People and first time seeing One Day. Bunch of moral code or you can call it as life-lessons lie beneath those Nrtflix series but I'm too lazy to rewrite. Cause personally, this post just another random things that I want to write. Later on, while I watch Robin Waldun channel on YouTube and seeing another public lecturer class, I recalling memories from a series of black list people. I start questioning whether some of my decisions were right nor have to think again.

Well, as we know: as time goes by, life must go on. Even if you really want to survive and take roots for something, you can't deny that time is ticking. The rhythm should be constant, but sometimes it feels very slow and sometimes it goes fast. Sometimes I can handle it but most of times I overwhelmed in silence.

I found Charles Dickens quotes that seems align with my mood for the whole weeks. One sentences that keeps me hovering "bluemyday" mood. Once I read his books, Great Expectations but back then I wasn't a good reader. I missed lots of points that he offers beneath the books. Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. So raw and enigmatic. A lines that reminds me to allow me being vulnerable and more human within acceptance.

Seeing it again makes me want to write a notes. A notes that I never know that I might need it (or maybe not). A long-list of topics awaits me to bursting out but then I stunned. I know, I don't want to write it right now. As I said, this post might be another (series) of my random notes. If you asking me: then why you write and post this if you don't have any to write? Well, I wasn't said that I'd write beautifully right? You can call this as a messy notes with solitude memories which I call it as: Lieu de Mémoire.

Write-Wrote-Written-Writing: one of my hobbies. No. It's much more than hobbies. It's kind of therapy session. Daily journals, weird poems, long/short stories, unsend letters, quick notes, instant quotes, personal essays that full of egocentric minds, reciting bible with additional self-contemplation notes, 'not-so critical' editorial for my concern-issue, and so on. I'd like to share all my writings. Well, I mean not all of them. Some people might said that all my writings were bullshits, raw, wasn't good enough, too much guilty, immature, lack of consistency, and messy.

But I don't care. Well, I shouldn't care but well I am. At the end of the day, there's a sense of validation from my readers that I need to hear. Lately, since 2020, I just threw out the words on my head and posted it. I didn't care enough about what people say and think while they read my writing. I just keep writing, curating some points, making sure it's on the right track, and posting it. Some of them found their readers while rest of them might not be lucky enough.

As a self-proclaimed writer, I'd like to say that sometimes writers don’t cry, they bleed on papers. Back then, I like to write in Indonesia but lately I write in English even my grammar is awful. I don't know. I feel much more relax and comfortable to bursting out my feelings when I write in English.

There are multiple things that you can do to healing yourself. The way that I do, is by writing. I think writing is one of the most independent instrument on this earth. Through this, you don’t get interrupted from other living creatures, you don’t need validations from other (even I hate to admit that I ever need it once is a foolish one) but well, yeah, you don’t have to following a bunch of shit regulations, and so on. It’s just you, pen and paper or laptops anyway. Actually, that’s what writers do when they got sad. The most powerful words is the honest one, and the best words is the flowing one. Quite simple, but trust me, the hardest things to write is to be honest and to be flow.

Then, what's next?

As I recall my memories, finished watching a heart-wrecking tv series One Day and listening Never Let Me Go as I remember how Emma Morley (a lead-women character on films) says it's one of the great cosmic mysteries, how it is that someone can go from being a total stranger to being the most important person in your life. I start chuckling, laughing while crying at the same time and nodding. It's true. I start to reaching out my laptops and thinks that I have to write something.

Love is the spark that ignites the flame of our souls, the fire that warms our hearts, and the light that guides us through the darkness. It is the melody that sings in our hearts, the poetry that flows through our veins, and the art that colors our lives.

When I find love, I find a piece of myself that I never knew was missing. It seems like we are drawn to each other like magnets, irresistibly and inexplicably. And when I love, (supposedly) I become the best version of myself. I learn to let go of my fears and insecurities, to trust in other people completely, and to embrace every moment with open hearts and open minds.

In my search for the meaning of love, I find that it is the fuel that sustains me and the light that guides me. It is the force that brings me together and the bond that holds me close. And as I journey through life, I was reminded that every word I speak, every action I take, and every thought I have is rooted in love. It prevents me from being cruel and awful to others. It helps me to build my resilience and strengthen my believes in kindness and genuineness.

Whether lots of names I'd like to forget, I can't deny that they gave me lessons. I might have a lingering feelings that I kept. Joyous to displeased memories. All those things which layering and adding more structure on me. But then I realize, one thing that I shouldn't forget: love is beyond. Pain in the name of love is a pivotal point to learn that love is beyond of belongings, expectations -such a great complex concept that's beyond of what you can see. Love (might be) lies beneath the deeps of hearts-minds ocean. Love is an sacred oath that I keep deep down in a sanctuary of heart and I acknowledge it.

I realize that there's a longlist of people that comes to my life. Every names gives different feelings. Some of them stay still with all the lingering memories while most of them blurry. The landscape of my feelings became solid in solitude. Of course, there's a pain (sometimes) crawling up my minds. But times heal. If the proverbs is wrong, just remember a quotes from Antonia's Line movie: if time does not heal all wounds. It merely softens the pain and blurs memories.

With unwavering faith to love, Sati Soirée.

#Spotify

[allthevmff]

Find Afrocurl’s work // AO3 // LJ  interview from vmfictitious // originally posted Mar. 20th, 2011

How did you get into Veronica Mars fandom?

Somewhere in the middle of S2, a friend of mine from high school started to talk about this show and how much I’d like it. At the general description of a high school detective, I borrowed her S1 DVDs and devoured the show in three days.  After that I started to discover fandom, mostly because I used Inigo’s transcripts to keep myself up with what the show was doing before I could watch live.

Shortly after starting the show, I had this job where I spent too much time in an office and was easily bored. I used a bunch of downtime to read fic and post in a message board (FanForum for anyone curious.)  When that job ended (thankfully) I had all of this spare time and just sort of fell into writing.

Were you an experienced writer when you started writing for VM?  If so, what kind of writing had you done, and/or what fandoms had you written for?   If not, was it really intimidating to post your first story?

I’m a little fuzzy on these details right now, but I wasn’t that experienced when I started writing in VM. I think I had a story or two written in The OC before I posted here, but I had some great support from a few friends (sarah_p //  Sarah's Crack ) for one was a big support) when I did post my first story.

What was it about Veronica Mars that interested you?  Why did you feel compelled to write for this particular show?

I really fell for the characters when I started to watch. Veronica was such a compelling character, and as I kept watching I fell more in love with Logan, too. I felt compelled in that post-S2 summer to see the relationship between Logan and Veronica explored (as so many other people did.)

Are you creative in other media for fandom (vidding, icons, etc.)?

I pick up making icons here and there, but I don’t think I have the same skill as many other people do. It’s a different creative medium, and one that I think stretches a different part of my brain.

What was the best moment for you, in fandom?  (Not necessarily a moment in the show, but fandom itself.)

I think it was the moment when I found myself in a position to go to all of these events around LA and San Diego. I found that people around LJ were interested as a result because there was something for people to enjoy that I had been able to capture.

If you had a magic wand, and could change VM fandom in any way, past or present, what would you do?

I wish S3 hadn’t been so divisive—it’s spoiled so many people on the show, and when you still love parts of it, but not all of it, it’s hard to stay positive around other people.

Of your accomplishments in fandom/cyberspace, which are you most proud of?

Weirdly, I think it’s little things I’ve done that bring a smile to my face. Sharing my time with the cast with others in any way. That’s not just the picspams when I went to an event, but these moments where I could get autographs or phone calls to other people. At different times, I’ve been able to make a friend’s birthday just a little brighter with a message from the cast (Sarah and another friend M.)

What’s your favorite VM episode and why?

I go back and forth on this answer all of the time, but I think it’s Ain’t No Magic Mountain High Enough. In part because it was the first episode I remember watching live, and also because I’m a sucker for banter between Logan and Veronica. That whole episode is filled with it, even if they aren’t together as a couple.

What’s your least favorite episode and why?

Blast from the Past—I just can’t get behind the mystery of the week, or what Jackie does to Veronica as a way to keep Wallace to herself.

How do you feel about season 3?

I’m a mixed bag on the subject. I think that the first arc has promise, though it didn’t do much to satisfy my need for Logan and Veronica in a healthy relationship. I’m not a fan of how Piz was introduced, or what his purpose was in the long run.

The Dean O’Dell arc lacks heart (and the Hearst rapist does too when I look at it), and the last five are just all over the place.

In total, I haven’t brought myself to rewatch the whole season since it aired, but I made a promise to myself at some point I would (I plan to live-blog all of the episodes, but I only managed to finish the first three.)

If you met Rob Thomas, what would you say to him?  (Assume that you have taken magical drugs that enable you to not be tongue-tied and you can completely speak your mind.)

I briefly met him and talked to him during season three, but if I could have a longer conversation, I’d really want to understand what his motives were for Logan and Veronica in that season. It seemed that the show always had Logan and Veronica together off screen so that the audience had no real reason to understand those later break-ups.

If you could talk to the writing staff, what question(s) would you have for them?

I’m always interested in some of the specifics of the room—are there any writers who cater to writing for certain characters? What characters do you like to write more than others? I think I’m just interested in their process more than anything else.

Writing

Which story of yours is your favorite, and why?

I’m really a fan of “The Black Hole” because I think it was a different sort of writing exercise for me. I also think I was really into the moment when I wrote it, and it shows. I can’t remember how long it took me to write, but I think it was a pretty quick write once I had the idea solidified in my head.

Are there any stories of yours that are (to your surprise) fan favorites?

Not really a surprise, but I love the reaction I had to Rational Thought. My Piz issues just got one big escape in that piece and everyone who read it had a similar reaction.

Do you (or did you at first) feel uncomfortable posting R or NC17 rated stories?

I think I was a bit apprehensive the first time (especially since it was my first fic in the fandom), but as I’ve written more and more of those fics, I’m more comfortable with the ways of writing it. I also love all of my betas who help me through the mechanics of writing it.

If you could start over and rewrite any of your stories (assume unlimited time and you would be paid for your efforts, because this is a fantasy), which story would you choose, and what changes would you make?

I’m not proud of Compulsion as it was written in the end, so I’d work there and really craft the narrative more than it is now. It’s not that it’s not beta-ed, but that it wasn’t really planned or structured beyond what is written. I think there was promise in the beginning and it floundered.

Do you write for any other fandoms?

I write here and there in a few other fandoms, but most of my work is in VM.  Some of the other shows are harder to get a feel for, so much that I don’t know if I have the character voices down.

Do you write any original works, and if so, can we see any of them?  Have you ever taken any writing classes?  Have you ever published anything? Won any competitions?

I wrote a few pieces of original fic, which are at my writing community. I haven’t been one to take a writing course, but in high school I had an award-winning poem at the local county fair.

That piece, I wrote was in my junior year of high school, spring semester (so let’s call is March 2000.) We had to write an emulation of Langston Hughes’s “I Am”, and I went all out—confused kid to the max. My teacher ate most of it up, and had me submit it to the Fair.  It went on to win the best poem for high schoolers, the best high school piece and Best in Show for all student work. I have three lovely ribbons, a paper weight to show for it.

What other VM author influenced you the most?  Do you have a favorite VM story (by another author)?

I spent most of my time reading things from Loveathons and Fic From Mars when I was reading, so I guess any of those authors. I really love dark_roast’s ( dark_roast) style. I think mutiousmuse and truemyth (TrueMyth) each have some amazing pieces, too. What’s great about being part of fandom is learning how much else you have in common with authors you love. I’m still friends with Musey and Truemyth after I met them at Comic Con in 2006.

Overall, I think my favorite story is Finite Erasure (TW), which puts me in the camp of loving angst. I worked with Trixx (Trixx) as she wrote it and I think I fell for the story she was telling and how much it hurt along the way.

What fanfic do you wish you’d had the idea for and written yourself?

If I had a mind for her particular brand of crazy, I’d have love to have written One True Pair, because the creativity and perspective amaze me.

Who are your favorite traditional authors?  Do you have a favorite book or series?

I love Oscar Wilde’s wit; I love Fitzgerald’s use of flawed characters. When I was in college I became a huge fan of Isaac Bashevis Singer. Sadly I’m not a huge book fan, though I do love words and compelling stories. Persuasion is one of my favorite stories, along with The Alchemist. I found myself more easily distracted by television as a kid and when I do get a book, I tend to read some fluffy chick-lit.

 Getting to Know You

To which character in VM do you feel you are the most similar, or what situation in VM reminds you of your own life?

Even though I don’t write her enough, I feel like I’m a slightly less tech-savvy version of Mac. I wasn’t one to have boyfriends in high school, and I think that just influences my outlook now.

Share a fun memory with us, something related to fandom.

This moment at an event in San Diego where my friends and I spent a good five minutes trying to remember the Eleanor Roosevelt quote from Logan’s voicemail.

Or the time I had Jason write a message to my journal without him really knowing where it was going.

Dog person, cat person, neither or both?

Cat person! My cat Auric loves everyone he meets, and wants to keep me from my computer when I leave it open in his presence. He really loves to sit on my keyboard when I’m not around.

What was the happiest day in your life (that you can share with us)?

December 12, 2000—the day I got into college. I’m pretty lame most of the time.

The apocalypse is on us.  You’ve got five minutes to gather your stuff before you flee (assume that your loved ones are already safe).  What do you take?

This is going to be pretty typical, but my laptop, and external hard drives, so I’m not without my pictures. Maybe a few of my autographs and old-school photos too.

What don’t we know about you, that we should know?

I’m not nearly as interesting as I sound on the internet. ;)

 The Nuts and Bolts of Writing

Do you consider yourself a stickler for grammar, or do you prefer a more casual approach?  Specifically, serial comma: for or against?

I’m weirdly a stickler for grammar when I’m not the one writing. I’m usually for the serial comma, which I blame on years of it being grilled into my head from school.

What grammar issue do you constantly have to struggle with?

 Spelling—I’m horrible at it most of the time.

 Do you have any writing reference books you can’t live without?

 I have a few copies of writing guides tucked away in my garage, but I don’t regularly look at them when I’m writing.

Are you a plotter or a “pantser”? (Do you outline your stories or do you write “by the seat of your pants”?)

It really depends on the story. I have some basic idea of a fic when I start to write it, but there are times when I only know that general outline and other times when I have a better plan.

There’s one story that’s been buried on my computer that’s plotted more than anything else I write. There are notes on how each chapter should work, but I only did that because it was a true multi-chapter fic.

My other fics that have turned into WIPs are not as plotted as they should be.

 What’s your favorite point-of-view to write?

 I love third-person more than anything else. It gives you the flexibility to talk about more than one person in the context of the story.

What type of writing is your favorite to write (dialogue, plot, action, interior monologue, description, sex scene, etc.)?  Your least favorite?

Dialogue—no questions. I love banter as much as anyone else.

My least favorite—probably sex scenes. They’re awkward to figure out, positions, how clinical but not too clinical.

Do you listen to music while you write?  Do you listen to different music depending on what you’re writing?

I do, unless I’m watching TV. My music doesn’t change depending on what I write, though maybe it should. My poor iTunes has been known to be demonic when I read fic, though it doesn’t do that as often when I’m writing.

What inspires you to write?

 I like motivational moments that can drive a point home—so I tend to write shorter pieces that are about emotions instead of plot driven.

What blocks you from writing?

Lack of time. The inability to express what I’m looking for.

 Specifically for Afrocurl!

What surprised you the most about Jason Dohring in person (that you can share with us)?

He’s a genuinely sweet person who adores his fans and what they do for him. I’d never had too many experiences with actors before I met him and he set the stage for being kind to fans.

How is he like Logan?  How is he not like Logan?  Did he do anything that freaked you out after watching him on TV so much?

I think he has Logan’s physical ticks—hair rakes and the like.

 He’s not as precise with language as Logan. In person he’s sort of like any other California guy I’ve met.

Which story of yours would it appall you the most to find out that Jason had read?

The Weevil and Logan story. I think he’d blush and be shocked at the subject more than anything.

Which of your celebrity encounters thrilled you to death, but the rest of world could care less?

The girl who loves politics was thrilled by meeting Justice Scalia at my college. Though I’m sure I’m the only one who can appreciate it now.

We know you do a lot for charities.  Do you have anything coming up that we should know about, that you’d like us to support?

Since Sweet Charity has ended, I haven’t done much work for charity recently. I’ve been a little too busy with the rest of life to help out with the Queensland floods and the like.

What’s your dream job?

Working at a high school teaching either Government or US History, maybe AP if that’s an option.

Your life seems to be going through a lot of changes right now.  How do you see yourself ten years from now?...family, job, hobbies, etc., anything you want to share with us.

I’d love to have a stable job, with friends and family nearby for support. I can’t hope for much else than that right now.

 Find Afrocurl’s work // AO3 // LJ

Source: X

reposted from vmfictitious // originally published on Mar. 20th, 2011

#vm fanfic #veronica mars fanfic #veronica mars fanfiction #writer wednesday #writerwednesday #author interview #authorinterview #the more things change

[dwellordream]

“The plasticity of the notion of reading meant that it represented the medium through which middle-class Victorian girls passed many hours, but it did not bring a uniform message. Like their parents and advisers, adolescent girls who were writing about reading were of two minds. On the one hand, as William Thayer put it, reading could be a way of demonstrating rectitude and diligence; on the other, it could be a route to indolence and the shirking of responsibilities.

Mary Thomas, away at school in Georgia in 1873, suggested these dual meanings of reading as she imagined a newly virtuous domesticity for herself upon returning home: ‘‘I will sew and read all the time, I am not going out any where, but intend to stay at home and work all the time; no matter how interesting a book may be, I will put it down and do whatever I am asked to do, they shall no longer accuse me of being lazy and good for nothing, I will work all day.’’ In its contrast to engaging in a social whirl of visiting and flirtation, reading, like sewing, represented a becoming and modest domesticity. However, reading might also subvert good intentions, and tempt a girl to inattention to, or even disobedience of, the demands of others or of household work. In any case, reading had a meaning for the self, as well as for the family and the culture.

Reading good books was of course a way of demonstrating virtue. Measured reading of improving texts was part of the regimen of many Victorian girls. As advisers suggested, the reading of history was especially praiseworthy. When Nellie Browne returned home from school in 1859, her mother noted in her diary with pride, ‘‘Nellie begins to read daily Eliot’s History of the United States,’’ a parentally encouraged discipline which would both improve and occupy Nellie now that her school days were over.

Jessie Wendover, the daughter of a prosperous Newark grocer and another regular diarist, recorded a steady diet of history in her journal, justifying her summer vacation in 1888 with the reading of a two-volume History of the Queens of England, as well as doing a little Latin and some arithmetic. The popular British domestic novelist Charlotte Yonge wrote her History of Germany specifically for readers like Jessie Wendover, who began it the following year. What American girl readers took from the history they read is hard to ascertain, because unlike their rapt reports on novels, they recorded their history as achievement rather than illumination.

One can certainly appreciate the irony, though, in encouraging girls to read accounts of national travails, the stories of armies, wars, and dynastic succession, which were ennobled partly by their distance from girls’ real lives. One of the advantages of history seemed to be that girls could be expected to have no worrisome practical interest in it—in marked contrast to the reading of romances or novels.

Victorian girls could build character through a variety of other literary projects, prime among them the memorizing of poetry. Over the course of the late nineteenth century, the publishing industry issued a number of collections of snippets of poetry known as ‘‘memory gems,’’ designed for memorization by schoolchildren. The verse in these anthologies was to serve as ‘‘seed-thoughts’’ for earnest young Victorians aspiring to know the best, and these were the likely sources for many of the couplets which appear in girls’ diaries and scrapbooks.

Margaret Tileston’s daily diary, recorded religiously for her entire life, both fed and celebrated a variety of literary disciplines, including most prominently reading and memorizing poetry. She too read histories during the summer, along with keeping up with her other studies, noting one July day following her graduation from Salem High School that she had ‘‘read my usual portions of Macaulay [a 40-page allotment] and French, but only a few pages of Spencer.’’ Margaret Tileston also read advice literature, such as Mary Livermore’s What Shall We Do with Our Daughters? and two books by Samuel Smiles, Self-Help and Duty. (The latter she described as looking ‘‘quite interesting and full of anecdotes.’’) Margaret Tileston’s diaries suggest a life consumed with the rewards of self-culture.

At fifteen, however, she recorded a brush with another literary genre and mode of striving—a seeking not only for mastery of the will but for beauty itself. Poetry first appeared simply as a verse of romantic poetry copied on the page: ‘‘Why thus longing thus forever sighing, for the far-off, unattained, and dim, while the beautiful, all round thee lying, offers up its low, perpetual hymn.’’ Margaret Tileston was now away at girls’ school, where she had experienced something of an emotional awakening in the intense atmosphere of schoolgirl friendships.

Her turn to poetry seems to reflect the new culture in which she was briefly submerged. That summer, back with her family on vacation on the Massachusetts coast, Tileston again turned to poetry, and to beauty, in an uncharacteristic passage of effusion. ‘‘The moon was perfectly lovely in the sky and its light on the water. We quoted lines of poetry, and it was beautiful.’’ By January of the next year, however, poetry had been incorporated into her disciplines of order and accomplishment. After returning from boarding school, she had moved with her family from the farm where she had spent her formative years to the town of Salem, where she attended the local high school. There she embarked on another campaign of self-improvement, the memorization of poetry, perhaps as a strategy to gain control of alien surroundings.

Two months later she described a new discipline: the daily ritual repetition of all the poems she had learned, of which there were by then 111. On May 25 she reported that her extraordinary ability to memorize poetry was gaining her a reputation. ‘‘Miss Perry asked me if I knew about 250 poems. She said that one of the Goodhue girls had told her I did. I remarked something of the sort to Miss Perkins one day in recess, and somehow it was repeated.’’ By the end of July she noted that she was beginning to have trouble finding new poems to learn because she knew so many already.

Appreciation of the beauty of poetry had dropped out of her journal. Nor did she suggest that the poetry had any meaning to her at all. Yet she very likely gained some of the satisfactions from poetry expressed by Louisa May Alcott, some years before. After disobeying her mother, at the age of eleven, Alcott ‘‘cried, and then I felt better, and said that piece from Mrs. Sigourney, ‘I must not tease my mother.’’’ She went on, ‘‘I get to sleep saying poetry,—I know a great deal.’’ For those feeling guilty, sad, misunderstood, or wronged, repeat- ing lines of elevating poetry had an effect in a secular mode analagous to the saying of ritual Hail Marys. The verses established an alliance with a higher authority and suggested personal participation in a glorious and tragic human struggle.

And in fact, poetry, even more than history, was the prototypical idealist genre. In 1851 the British educational pioneers Maria Grey and Emily Shirreff proposed the reading of poetry rather than fiction, explaining the crucial distancing effect of poetic subjects. ‘‘In a poem, the wildest language of passion, though it may appeal to the feelings, is generally called forth in circumstances remote from the experience of the reader.’’ They suggested that in poetry there was a higher truth than that of superficial realism: ‘‘The grand conceptions of the poet are true in ideal beauty.’’

Writing fifty years later, Harriet Paine too suggested that poetry had generic qualities of elevation. ‘‘After all, in poetry itself what we read is not the important thing. We should read poetry to give us a certain attitude of mind, a habit of thinking of noble things, of keeping our spirit in harmony with beauty and goodness and strength and love.’’ Earlier Paine had commended the memorization of poetry as neces- sary to ‘‘take in the full meaning,’’ suggesting just such a regular regimen of repetition as Tileston had pursued. The spiritual rewards from internalizing poetry were revealed by Paine’s proposal that it take place on the Sabbath: ‘‘Surely we must give a part of every Sunday to such elevating study.’’

Elizabeth Barrett Browning had censured poets for their historical escapism in her 1857 poem Aurora Leigh, arguing Their sole work is to represent the age, Their age, not Charlemagne’s—this live, throbbing age, That brawls, cheats, maddens, calculates, aspires. Yet it was in just its remoteness from ‘‘this live, throbbing age,’’ just in the ‘‘togas and the picturesque’’ disparaged by Browning that poetry was considered so appropriate for girl readers.

…If reading presented an opportunity to discover national allies, to demonstrate private virtue, and to suggest the triumph of the will against ennui or boredom, it increasingly endorsed another way of defining life: the excitement and the exercise of the feelings. Girls who read their daily allowance of Macaulay or the Bible with pride and self-satisfaction upbraided themselves for their difficulties in controlling their insatiable appetites for Victorian novels of all kinds. Reading for leisure or for pleasure invariably meant reading for ‘‘sensation,’’ reading for adventure, excitement, identification, titillation. In the process of this kind of reading, Victorian girls ministered to a complex of emotions.

…Perhaps leisure reading can best be defined by what it was not: study, sleep, or sewing. Girls chastised themselves for imperfectly learning their lessons, and sometimes blamed the distractions of leisure reading. Martha Moore, who had just begun to attend school in occupied New Orleans during the Civil War, confessed that she found the schoolwork hard and had had two crying spells before she ‘‘picked up an interesting story and with my old habit of procrastination, thought I would read that first, and then study.’’

She observed the inevitable consequence ‘‘that my lessons are very imperfectly known.’’ And even Margaret Tileston, whose discipline seldom allowed her to swerve from duty, could be seduced by light reading. At the age of fourteen: ‘‘I scarcely studied in my history at all, because I was interested in ‘Sir Gibbie,’ and wanted to finish reading it.’’ At the age of seventeen: ‘‘I undertook to spend the afternoon and evening on my Ancient History, but my thoughts wandered and I spent some time on papers and magazines.’’ At the age of twenty: ‘‘I did not study a great deal in evening, on account of my interest in my novel, but I read over my History lesson.’’

Girls also resolved to prevent reading from interfering with their domestic chores, usually their needlework. Treating reading as recreation, Virginian Agnes Lee observed, ‘‘I really am so idle I must be more industrious but it is so hard when one is reading or playing to stop to practice or sew.’’ Another Virginian, Lucy Breckinridge, set up a similar opposition, noting that she and her sisters had gathered together in her room ‘‘being industrious. I am getting over my unsocial habit of sitting in my room reading all day.’’ For Lucy Breckinridge private reading not only was not industrious, it was also antisocial.”

- Jane H. Hunter, “Reading as the Development of Taste.” in How Young Ladies Became Girls: The Victorian Origins of American Girlhood

#history #victorian #american #jane h. hunter #how young ladies became girls

[chiyohsrifle]

Got tagged by the marvelous @hvnnigram and I can't wait to bare my soul to you guys. this is a long one, so let's go!!

Rules: Tag people you want to get to know better 🖤

Your name and then what you would've named yourself: My full name is Montserrat (I'm Mexican, in case you couldn't tell. Well Mexican-American but anywho) but I typically go by Montse. Mainly cuz people struggle to pronounce my full name hehe but I also just think it's less of a mouthful. Idk, I honestly really love my name and don't think I'd change it given the chance. Maybe something shorter just cuz paperwork can be a bitch. I like Rene but otherwise, I'm pretty attached to my name lol.

Astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know them): I'm a sun Pisces, a moon Aries, and a rising Virgo, I believe :)) All in all, I'm an emotional, empathetic bitch

When did you join Tumblr and why?: Was going through my emails yesterday and I've been here for a year?? apparently. So yea, I joined Aug./Nov. of 2019 and I'm almost certain it was cuz I wanted to see more Good Omens fanart lol. But I got more active this year cuz quarantine do be forcing me to have some wack coping mechanisms. Also BBC Merlin had me reeling and I needed somewhere to scream.

Top 5 fandoms: Hannibal (obviously), BBC Merlin, Killing Eve, Good Omens, and The Umbrella Academy 😊

Top 5 favorite films: (oh Lord, the cinema buff in me is Panicking rn) God, there's so many I love but I'll try to give varietyTM. But I'm a Cheerleader (1999), Parasite (2019), The Wind Rises (2013), Little Shop of Horrors (1986), and Hector and the Search for Happiness (2014).

Go to song when you wanna Feel something: if we're talking like emotionally charged, TALK ME DOWN by Troye Sivan always sends me reeling. Endorphins wise, Ahora Te Puedes Marchar by Luis Miguel always makes me wanna jump and move around. And La Vie Boheme from RENT, just pure serotonin

What's your religion or faith, if you have one?: I was raised with a heavy Catholic background but I'm agnostic, I believe is the term. Basically, I don't think there's not a God or higher power(s). I just don't align with anything specifically. But I do believe there's something running things, whether that be spirits, the stars, gods, etc. I can't say.

A song that makes you feel seen: Not to be a theatre kid on main but, Breathe from In The Heights. That song and whole musical hold such a special place in my heart, esp with Nina's character cuz I'm Nina. Every part of that song just Gets Me and i ugh, can't articulate it but yea, that song be me.

If you could pick a career: A writer or painter. Anything creative/artsy really cuz crafting is just so calming to me.

Do you have a type?: ngl, I'm kinda the 'falls in love with their best friend' stereotype but beyond that, not really. I kinda just see attractive people and mentally short circuit

What does your soul/heart yearn for?: Not to sound like a character from Hannibal, but to be understood. To be cared for and feel supported. To allow myself to rest and be comforted/loved. Just to feel safe ig. Whoop, that got personal, anywho

If you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone who doesn’t know you: intelligent, caring, awkward, Very Queer, and chaotic

Favorite subject in school: English and History!! I think they're absolutely fascinating and I'm gay so obviously I connect way too much with literature

Where does your soul feel most at home at?: Close to someone that I love, in comfortable silence. Or any situation where I have wind blowing in my face, it's super comforting and idk why

Top 5 fictional characters: Rowena from SPN, Bella Crawford, Beverly Katz, Eve Polastri, and Jack Crawford

Top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry:

1. The ending of Your Lie In April. Idk if any of yall have experienced that, but let me know if you have cuz shared trauma. I was crying so hard, I couldn't breathe. Dry heaving and everything, it was Not Pretty

2. Like literally all of One Day At Time. I know, it's cheesy but that show means a lot to me and I get so emotional watching it cuz I connect to the characters so much. Anything with Elena makes me sob cuz like she's me but also my baby, ya know

3. Um Queer Eye in general but specifically the episode with the gay pastor. That hit close to home on so many levels and boy, was I sobbing the entire time.

(Before y'all ask, honorable mention to Mizumono, TWOTL, and the ending of BBC Merlin cuz I may have been too tired to cry, but trust me, I was emotionally wrecked after all three)

The earth, the sun, the moon, or the stars: Ooh, I'm gonna have to go with the stars but I love that lesbian space rock too

Favorite kind of weather: Thunderstorms, rain, cloudy, grey weather. Fall, I love the fall, give me autumn pleASE

Top 3 characters to kin you with: Guinevere Pendragon from BBC Merlin, Vanya Hargreeves from TUA, and Abigail Hobbs from Hannibal

Favorite medium of art: I love all art very much but I guess drawing and film especially

Introvert/Extrovert/Ambivert: Gonna say ambivert cuz I can be shy but buckle up, cuz the second I'm comfortable around you, it's absolute chaos. You will learn too much about me and that's okay 😌

Favorite literary quote: If poetry counts, it's something like "And if the devil was to ever see you, he'd kiss your eyes and repent". Idk who wrote it but it's an Arabic love poem. Actual book quote tho, "But I'm tired of coming out. All I ever do is come out. I try not to change, but I keep changing, in all these little ways." from Simon vs. The Homosapiens Agenda cuz damn me too.

Some of your favorite books: Simon vs. The Homosapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli, the Carry On series by Rainbow Rowell, When I Was Puerto Rican by Esmeralda Santiago, Fun Home by Alison Bechdel, All The Bright Places by Jennifer Lee, Autoboygraphy, and Copper Sun

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?: Europe or New York. No real specifics for Europe, defiently leaning more towards Western Europe and the Mediterranean cuz they just seem so pretty. And NY cuz I want a studio apartment hehe and also I adore NY. I went a couple years back and just fell in love. Although live is a loose term cuz I've always thought of moving around a lot. I like traveling and settling down isn't really convenient for that so these are kinda just ideals lol

If you could live in any time in history, when would it be?: Oh, defiently 60s/70s. Also, anytime matriarch societies were common cuz I wanna see what that looked like

If you could play any instrument masterfully, it would be: the acoustic guitar and piano. Maybe violin, but those two for sure

If you have one, which god or goddess do you feel more connected to?: I've always really vibed with Athena so her. But also Diyonuses cuz man's is the ideal.

And finally, your favorite recent selfie in your camera role:

(Excuse the eye bags and look in general, I was sleepy when I took it)

Whoo, that's all folks. I'm just gonna say that any of my followers/mutuals who want to do this, feel free to say I tagged you. Thanks for tag, once again, babe!!

#thanks for the tag! #luv u babe #mwah <3 #get to know me #about me

[hatari-translations]

Klemens interview about his furniture, 24.5.20

On May 24th, an interview with Klemens about the furniture he’s made was published on mbl.is. It’s a pretty interesting one, as he mentions having ADHD, talks a lot about his thoughts on art in a way more elaborate manner than any previous interview, and makes some quirky jokes such as declaring that one of his favorite things to do at home is picking his nose.

Below is a bullet point translation of what's said in the interview (not a word-for-word translation of the entire thing, but everything new said in it is there, and there are a lot of full quotes).

(Content warning: bodily fluids mention.)

The intro explains that Klemens thinks visually and contributes stylistically both to Hatari and his home. He learned carpentry before he joined a band, and he's worked on designing furniture alongside his composing.

"I learned furniture building at the Technical College Reykjavík and then went into product design at the Academy of the Arts, but found my passions lay elsewhere. I needed a broader spectrum to create and found an outlet for my ADHD in visual art. My wife Ronja Mogensen and I are classmates at the Academy of the Arts."

Klemens has always been creating things, for as long as he can remember. "I've always found joy in creating, and nothing is as creative as a childlike nature. After all, you lose your innocence somewhere on an abandoned playground and then spend most of your life trying to find it again. Creativity makes the world go round endlessly in our heads and sparks our imagination, which lets us have the most magnificent adventures, express and cope with loss, grief, fear, disappointment, joy, hope, the entire spectrum of emotions that are often so difficult to spit out. I've always sought out music as an outlet for that, but also carpentry and visual art, whether it's making cucumbers out of mud, making sculptures out of semen and hair, or making chairs out of wood."

The interviewer asks what makes a good home in his mind. "They say that home is where your family is, and there's a lot to that. Some years ago I might not have said that, and would never have imagined being a father of two and engaged in a passionate relationship, but the home and love go hand in hand, and you need to decide on where you want to live and die, so I see the home as more of a state of mind. A good home is a decently healthy mind, but if I were to imagine my dream home as a physical place, it's a house in the countryside with a workshop, a place to make music, some chickens and maybe a goat called Old Túbal, a brook that we can wade into naked, a vegetable garden and a greenhouse with fruit, a giant treehouse castle that we can climb in, and we built the house and everything in it ourselves."

He first discovered carpentry in a woodworking class in primary school; as far as he can remember, the first thing he made was a lamp for his parents with a face carved into it, though he's not sure if it was meant to be a self-portrait. He also made a baseball bat, which was subsequently stolen. The first proper furniture he did was for the Technical College when he was nineteen, a chair and a cabinet in a 70s-esque style with a modern touch. He found joy in creating a unique, useful object that you could carry with you throughout your life and perhaps even longer.

The interviewer says she heard his graduation project was sold on the spot. He corrects her and says he actually made a second copy to interior designer Thelma Friðriksdóttir's specifications, because he wanted to let his grandkids inherit the original.

Klemens recites a poem that he wrote with Matthías to encompass the core of Klemens' art sensibilities. It reads thus: I am a naivist perfectionist. I take making a fool of myself very seriously. I contemplate my own navel with humility. I'm willing to do the work of pitying myself. I capitulate to art. I want to have perfect control over my art.

"I notice that when I myself am in frame, it takes on a different tone than when the painting, the sculpture, the furniture, the evidence get to speak for themselves. On the one hand, I myself take on the role of the artist and the subject, comment on the medium through the medium and poke fun at myself while I'm at it. The artist Klemens creates a photo series that parodies the concept of photo series and simultaneously parodies Klemens. When Klemens takes on the role of 'pop star in a political supergroup' it means a radical staging where he embodies the sexy porn boy, a perverted narcissist in the depths of self-pity. Even if you use humour as a shield, you have to face that in the end, art comes from yourself. Thus, you're always vulnerable before art. It becomes an endless navel-gazing at the same time as I hope it encompasses some wider context - is bigger than my own personal experiences. When I step out of frame you see a totally different tone, like with the cabinet or the sculptures. I'm more humble before my creation and I seek a texture that could simultaneously be called naivistic, expressionistic but also formalistic and colored by a palate-driven compulsion. Unrestrained figures emerge and take on a life of their own without being commentary on the medium of painting and parodying the one who paints it."

When the interviewer asks about his studies at the Academy of the Arts, he admits he was on paternity leave for a year and also missed the second half of the first year because of Hatari's ESC journey, but it was fun and he's looking forward to continuing in the fall.

What can you tell me about the furniture you've made for your home? "It gives the house a certain character and I'm proud of it."

During the COVID-19 epidemic, he made a set of bookshelves for his parents, which he says was mostly them wanting to support a poor unemployed artist in a difficult time. Originally he was going to do something very simple from existing components but then he just kind of unthinkingly started making it all from scratch without even drawing up more than a rough sketch, and he was as excited as his parents to see how it'd turn out.

How would you describe your home? "Muy grandioso!"

Who lives in your home and do you and your fiancée have the same tastes? "The pillar of the household is my wife Ronja, and then we share it with our daughters Valkyrja and Aþena, 'V-kay and A-J'. Aþena doesn't have much in the way of taste yet as she's only ten months old, two-year-old Valkyrja admires everything and thinks everything is art, so she's not picky except when it comes to precisely how you dunk Graham crackers into a glass of milk. Ronja and I may not have similar tastes, but her strengths make up for my weaknesses and she's very patient with my perfectionism."

What's your favorite thing to do at home? "Watching the kids laugh and cry, watering the plants, picking my nose and passing time."

Klemens doesn't currently have his own workshop, but the owners of a small furniture business have kindly given him access to their workshop, and the Academy of the Arts has a good one as well.

As far as Klemens is concerned he's already living the dream, asked if there's anything he'd do with nothing holding him back.

Klemens will mix together furniture he's received for free or bought used and tries to make it work. He tries to avoid mass-produced furniture even though it can be beautiful; what he loves most is uniqueness. He wants to build as much himself as he can.

What time periods in furniture design appeal to you most? "Mid-century modern and slick."

When you look for ideas, where do you look? "Into the depths of my subconscious and to Foucault."

Is a garden or outside area important when you have kids? "Oh yes. The new trampoline, admittedly mass-produced, has really delivered."

What's your favorite kind of wood to build out of? "Oak."

What's your favorite color to paint your walls? "That depends completely on the context of the room, the lighting and the shape of it, but I love really bright colors and want a lot of those."

Is there anything you're good at at home that nobody knows about? "I'm naturally very limber."

#hatari #klemens hannigan #interview #translation

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: Writing Advice (Part 1 of 3)

I recently stumbled across this writer ask meme about pieces of writing advice, and I was having so much fun thinking about it that I decided to just respond to them all!

1. Nothing is perfect

This is one of those truths that can be used for good or ill.

It’s easy to see the flaws in your own work, to hold your own writing to a higher standard than literally anyone else would. It’s good to say “nothing is perfect” to assure yourself that your work is good enough.

But if someone has called you out for using racist stereotypes in your writing, and your response is, “Well, nothing is perfect! So leave me alone and don’t tell me to fix it!” That’s bad!

Allow me to misquote the Talmud and tell you to keep two pieces of paper in your pocket, and take each out as you need it. The first says “nothing is perfect.” The second says “I can, and should, always do better.”

2. Don’t use adverbs

Adverbs are tools. Understand their purpose and use them wisely.

To prove my own point, I could not have written that second sentence without an adverb – “wisely.” The purpose of an adverb is to modify a verb or an adjective. It wouldn’t be enough for me to just say, “use them.” How should one use them? Wisely!

The best advice I ever got about adverbs is that they should be used when they are necessary for clarity.

If I write, “Sophie smiled happily,” that is not a necessary adverb. It is already obvious from the fact that I am smiling that I am happy. Using “happily” is redundant and uninteresting.

If I write, “Sophie smiled sadly,” on the other hand – that is necessary. The adverb changes the picture that you make in your head, and the sentence is more interesting as a result.

3. Write what you know

I get why people use this as advice. I’m much more a fan of saying “know what you write.”

Feel free to go beyond your own individual experience when you write – but for god’s sake, do your research. Expand what you know, so that you can write.

4. Avoid repetition

Like adverbs, repetition is a tool. Use it wisely.

What can repetition accomplish?

Emphasis – highlighting something as important.

Memorability – helping the audience remember.

Familiarity – we tend to like and believe what we hear over and over.

Musicians understand this. Listen to the Hadestown soundtrack and keep a tally of how many times Orpheus is referred to as “a poor boy” or Eurydice as “a hungry young girl.” Listen to the Hamilton soundtrack and count how many times Burr opens a song with “How does a –?” Think back on all the times you heard the new hit song of the year and you shrugged it off, but a couple weeks later, after you heard it on every radio station, on everyone’s Spotify playlist, in every YouTube ad – it “grew on you.”

The trick is using repetition just enough that it provides a useful structure, but not so much that it’s noticed to the point of instilling boredom.

5. Write every day

Sure, why not. If you write just ten words every day for a year, you’ll have nearly 4,000 words at the end of it – a short story. If you write a hundred words every day for a year, that’s almost 40,000 words – a decent novella. Writing every day is a good way to end up with something written.

But don’t beat yourself up if you don’t or can’t write every day. Writing takes effort. You have other things to devote energy to – work, school, groceries, cleaning, socializing, confronting your own mortality, finding out how season seven of Clone Wars ends.

I encourage you to notice all the things that you do every day which isn’t officially “writing” but is still a part of being a writer.

Now, this is something I struggle with. I go months without touching my novel, and it’s easy for me to dismiss that time as “not writing.”

But I send emails. And I write essays for school. And I jot down thoughts and dreams in my journal. And I read – you have to read in order to write. And I spend time on my walks and in the shower imagining dialogue and figuring out character paths and themes for my novel, all things that will help me when I do get back to writing it. And I have all the smaller projects I gave myself – this weekly blog post, my weekly poem or quote, my fanfiction.

If you’re a writer, then you’re a writer, whether or not you write every day.

6. Good writers borrow from other writers, great writers steal from them outright

I’m not sure what the distinction is here between “borrowing” and “stealing.”

Stealing is definitely a part of writing, though. I’ve written about this before – check out my old article on stealing bicycles as a writing metaphor.

7. Just write

Oh I am a BIG fan of this one. Even if you don’t know what to write, just write. So many pages of my journal open with the line “I have no idea what to write about.” Eventually, as you ramble, you start writing about what you wished you would be writing about. And then you find yourself actually writing.

8. There’s nothing new under the sun

Sure, but the art is in making something familiar feel new. I wrote about this a couple weeks ago in this Thursday Thoughts.

9. Read

Yes, yes, yes! Read to find out what’s out there. Read to learn the conventions of your genre. Read to ignite your love of the craft. Read to discover your people. Read to add tools to your toolbox (or pieces to your bicycle). Read to find agents and editors and publishing imprints. Read to learn what stories are not being told. Read to be a writer.

10. Don’t think!

Thinking is a tool. Use it wisely.

The best parts of my writing I’ve discovered not while writing, but while thinking about writing.

Just don’t think yourself out of writing altogether.

11. Write what you love

You’ll certainly be happier writing something you love than something you don’t love. You won’t love everything you write, though. It can still be good and valuable even if you don’t love it. But if you love it, or if you can remember why you loved it, you will come back and finish it.

12. Never use a long word where a short one will do

Forget the length of the word. Is it the right word?

To paraphrase Mark Twain and Josh Billings, the difference between the right word and the almost-right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

If you do find yourself needing to choose between two words with identical definitions, and the only difference between them is their length, then think about the effect of the word on your reader. Read the sentence aloud a few times with either option. Different words have different connotations; they evoke different moods. It may in the end just come down to which word feels right for this moment.

13. Less is more

No, it definitionally is not. See my above thoughts about adverbs, repetition, and long words vs short words.

All words are tools. All words have a purpose. Is it the right word for this moment?

14. Never use the passive when you can use the active voice

Again, active voice and passive voice are tools! They have purposes!

The simplest way to differentiate between the two is that active voice is “the girl threw the ball” and passive voice is “the ball was thrown by the girl.” Both make sense. Both describe the same action. But one places the emphasis on the girl – the subject – while the other places the emphasis on the ball – the object.

Are you trying to create a sense of immediacy, to immerse the reader in the moment? Use active voice. He did this! She did that! Bam! Pow! It’s happening right now, and we know exactly who did it!

Are you trying to create distance between the reader and something in the moment? Use passive voice. He was being followed – by who, we don’t know. Passive voice adds a touch of mystery or disassociation.

15. Show don’t tell

How do you show? How do you tell? There are engaging ways to do both, and boring ways to do both. Do what the moment needs.

In prose, I recommend setting up with showing and then hitting your reader with a tell. Say your protagonist is standing alone in a room. Then, a woman enters. Show the protagonist’s reaction to that woman – their heart pounds, they tear up, they grab a chair for support…

And then, in the narration: “Her mother had been dead for five years, and yet there she stood.” Bam! A well-placed tell which contextualizes the reaction.

Plays and screenplays come down on different sides of the “show vs tell” debate. Film usually does more “showing,” while a stage play usually has more “telling.”

This comes from writers leaning into the limitations of the mediums. The first few lines of any scene in a Shakespeare play lets you know the location and time of day, because they didn’t have the scenic or lighting elements available to show it.

While a film can cut to different places and times quickly and easily, many plays are set in just one or two locations to remove the need for frequent scene changes. A play will capitalize on the characters’ reactions to and conversations about unseen offstage events, while a film will show these offstage events.

These are not hard and fast rules, of course. Plenty of films stay in one location, and plenty of plays jump around from place to place. It’s worth noting that standard formatting for plays and screenplays highlight this typical difference. In a stage play script, the dialogue (what we’re told) is left-aligned while the action (what we’re shown) is indented. In a screenplay, the action is left-aligned and the dialogue is indented.

Neither showing nor telling is superior. They are both tools. Use them wisely.

To be continued...

#writing #advice #writing advice #writblr #writers #writers of tumblr #show don't tell #thursday thoughts #listicles #shakespeare #active voice #passive voice #word choice #just write #write what you know #adverbs #write what you love

[mebediel]

Tagged by @toooldforthisbutstill!

when did you last sing to yourself?

Yesterday, I think.

if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

Who wrote the Voynich Manuscript and what does it say?

what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Oh, that’s hard to answer. So far, my greatest accomplishment has been graduating university without imploding, but hopefully I’ll surpass that accomplishment soon!

what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

Rather recent one: getting accepted into grad school :3

if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

I’d probably quit my job, decline my grad school offer, and move back in with my parents/travel around the world saying goodbye to people and places.

do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

I don’t, but here are three things I’m making up on the spot:

1. Learn Shanghainese,

2. Get published in the academic world,

3. Get published in the fiction world.

describe a person close to your life in detail

My sister:

Short-medium height; long, long brown hair; brown eyes; heart-shaped face.

Analytical, artistic, broad-interests, sometimes awkward and self-conscious, often opinionated and argumentative.

do you feel you had a happy childhood?

Overall, yes. There were definitely a lot of rough spots, and I regret the ways I acted back then, but I wouldn’t trade any of the bad experiences for the world because they’re part of what made me grow into who I am now.

when did you last cry in front of another person?

Literally today on the train in front of a bunch of strangers lol.

pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them

The friend occasionally nicknamed Egg (he is not on this site) because (1) he knows astronomy and I like stealing knowledge from people and (2) we used to do that in college sometimes and it would bring back good memories.

would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

Yes, and I’ve done this before.

when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

I think in December, and they’re a college friend in a different city.

if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

"Thanks, Mom, love you.”

what is your opinion on brown eyes?

They’re great, they’re pretty, and I need them to see.

pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally

“All wishes are not idle, not in vain

fulfilment we devise - for pain is pain,

not for itself to be desired, but ill;

or else to strive or to subdue the will

alike were graceless; and of Evil this

alone is dreadly certain: Evil is.”

- JRR Tolkien, Mythopoeia

The poem as a whole is important to me, but this passage in particular I think encapsulates the idea that (sub)creation is an act of hope and defiance in a dark and painful world.

what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

Not Lost, I Promise

what would you do with one billion dollars?

Pay for education (mine and others), build homes (mine and others)...I don’t really have a conception of how much a billion dollars can pay for, so I guess the rest can go to various charities.

are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

I would like to say that I am, but I don’t think that’s my judgment to make. How forgiving is “very forgiving”?

would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

Punk

how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain

Cool on other people, but the idea of altering my body wigs me out.

do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

No, I don’t wear any makeup. I never thought that I needed it, and now I’m not patient enough to learn + I break out when I do + it would take too long in the morning + I save money by not wearing it.

talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way

CORNY BUT Switchfoot’s “Live It Well” from their album “Where the Light Shines Through” made me cry my third year of college. It helped me change my attitude toward a lot of things that were going on that year, which in turn helped me be more understanding and act more respectfully toward the people around me.

list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel

Erm, I haven’t been to a lot of concerts honestly. I went to a TobyMac concert once and a Switchfoot/Relient K concert. I tried to go to a Mitski concert with my roommate but we got the date wrong so we’re trying again in a couple months. I like them! I don’t think I could go to a concert alone, though.

who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

A specific medieval professor (Geraldine Heng). “You are smart and not dumb :)”

do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

I have one of those corner desks from IKEA. It’s not super organized...there are books on the shelves/all along the top, and the rest of it is covered in papers and stationary and random stuff. Part of the problem is that I need more drawers/organizational furniture, but I don’t want to buy anything until after I move to a new place.

what is your night time routine?

Collapse onto bed, go through tumblr/emails, pet cat, force myself to get up and brush my teeth/shower, crawl back into bed.

what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

All of my political views. They already know some of them and the result hasn’t been the awesomest.

if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

Hmm maybe some ombre of purple or red. I think it’s pretty. I can’t dye my hair easily because it’s so dark, but I don’t want to bleach it.

pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

My sister, my three childhood friends, and one of my college friends...lets call him Potato. We’re all pretty different, but the combination of the five of us would mean that there’s enough overlap in interests that no one would have to do any activities on their own. And I’d pick Japan because (1) one of the childhood friends is currently living there, and (2) it would be cool to take a couple weeks to explore the different aspects of historical and modern culture there.

name three wishes and why you wish for them

1. That I were better at abstract analysis. So that I could analyze better,

2. That I could memorize things better. Faster language acquisition + know more facts/poetry,

3. That I had more time in the day. Get more things done.

what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up

I made this really janky Glunkus costume once and it worked out pretty well. It was a joke on the “sexy cat lady” costume...you see a girl in pleather and cat ears and then she turns around and her face is just a void with teeth.

what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

I’ve never been drunk or high, but the number of dumb things I’ve done while sober is still pretty considerable.

if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

Sure, why not.

what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

My Starbucks order is literally just a tall chocolate milk or a tall Chai, depending on my mood. I’d trust anyone with that order...it’s pretty hard to mess up.

what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

Learn all the things and learn them well.

Tagging:

@paranormal-paralegal, @ashinypenguin, @molybendium, @pekasairroc, @mnmdash...anyone else who wants to do this?

#meb's stuff

[cwl190]

Week 10

BENJAMIN PERCY & ADDONIZIO and LAUX: 

In “Set Pieces”, Percy puts a lot of emphasis on the set piece of a book/movie. He talks about how Charles Baxter states “we write to make sense of the widowed images in our lives” (41). Something that we want to get down on paper is centered around an image that was unforgettable to us. Percy also introduces his corkboard, which is used to compile several of these images so that he has several scenes of inspiration to draw from. However he also warns against describing every single little fact in your story in great length because the reader’s attention begins to waver. As a result, when it comes to presenting your set piece, the audience is not going to be as affected by what is supposed to be an impactful moment. Percy advises that you should make sure that you are building tension to the attention grabbing moment rather than making every single moment a hard hitting one. 

Similarly, in “Images”, Addonizio and Laux talk about the important of sensory details to invoke a certain feeling in the reader. According to the text, “Poets need to keep all five senses- and possibly a few more- on continual alert, ready to translate the world through their bodies, to reinvent it in language” (86). This ties into Percy’s corkboard because he describes he draws inspiration to write from everywhere. People’s conversations, magazine cuts, all and anything can be used to enforce his own work, and this constant vigilance definitely carries over to a medium that relies on connecting with its readers with less words. The set piece that Percy describes is the entirety of a what a poem is. Addonizo and Laux use examples from the poem “Where You Go When She Sleeps” where the poet uses the hair of the woman the narrator loves and associates different, grander things with that same color to make us understand how the narrator feels about something so simple about her. 

RACHEL ELIZA GRIFFITHS: 

In “Death and Grief”, Addonizio and Laux state that when you write about death, you need to make sure the reader understands what the context of your poem is about, or at least have a general idea of what the theme of the writing is. In Rachel Eliza Griffith’s poem “Good Mother”, I think she’s successfully able to connect to the readers through what is a commonly universal association with mothers, which is their unconditional love despite outside circumstances. According to the text, despite being completely strangers to the narrator, she “didn’t wipe my snot from her shirt, my tears from her collarbone, who did not tell me to pull myself together while everything inside me dropped”. This type of care in this form is something that most people would associate with something only their mothers can give to them, or once did. I think that part of the poem works really well because the narrator doesn’t explicitly state how a notion like this would be important to the narrator. However, in terms of subtlety I think that’s where it ends. The readers definitely understand what the grief is about, but I think that the way the narrator was grieving was too hammered in. That might have been the point, but the repeated “mom” mantra, and then the poem being turned into a general statement about appreciating mothers just felt overdone to me. Readers will know the loss, but I’m more ambivalent on whether or not they feel it with this poem.

HEATHER SELLERS: 

In Heather Seller’s “Accidental Practitioners”, intimacy is created in the poem through name association. Everyone knows the feeling of being reminded of another person closer to them when someone has the same name. People’s identities are tied down to their names, and the Sellers uses that as the concept of the poem, because the students the narrator is teaching are all painful reminders of people she once knew. I believe the reader may feel the loss through quotes such as “I say his name aloud to alter my relationship to grief”. We can understand the narrator is struggling to change that association to the student rather than her brother. And although the narrator plainly states what happened to her brother, ex-husband, and father so the reader knows exactly why she feels the way about them, the narrator also shies away from stating how they have truly hurt her, just as she avoids seating those students with the names together. For example, when the narrator tells the student with her ex-husband’s name, “You can lose me, I tell him. Pretend you will lose me”, this creates a feeling of desperation because we know that her ex-husband has clearly moved on from her. The readers can interpret that she says this because she wants her husband to feel as though he has lost something and that she meant something, and that idea could be saddening to the reader.

KAVEH AKBAR:

One of the most effective things about similes and metaphors are that they transform the literal meaning in a sentence into something deeper to express a certain feeling or idea. Intimacy is created in Akbar’s poem through Akbar’s daily surroundings. According to Addonizio and Laux, the magic behind the use of similes and metaphors when used in poems such as “Finding Something” is that the poem is written in a way that combines both senses and emotion alike. The narrator states that his “heart is as helpless as crushed birds” (Simile and Metaphor, 98). Beings that fly being constricted and harmed shows the magnitude of the grief the narrator is feeling. Akbar does something similar in his poem where Lydia is represented by orchids that are in everything the narrator sees. The reader comes to expect to see orchids described in every line, and when the last two lines are revealed, the reader understands that it’s not really about the orchids. This creates a feeling of claustrophobia and helplessness because no matter where the narrator goes, they will be reminded that Lydia is gone.

ADDONIZIO and LAUX, JANE SMILEY, & CATHERINE POND: 

Some “seeds” I noticed in Pond’s poems was definitely the way she wrote how them and their friend would react to the funeral procession if she had been with them, to drawing us back to their reality. I think everything about Kayaderosseras moves smoothly, from the flower petals hitting the windshield to the narrator inexplicitly expressing how uncomfortable they are passing by the funeral procession by describing how their fingers felt against the wheel.

However, I thought that “As If” was not as neatly executed as the previous poem. This one was more of a pebble for me because the narrator mentions lots of seemingly unfinished ideas and thoughts. They jump between mentions of Ontario’s fires which didn’t fit the theme of the poem and made it feel out of place, and it’s difficult to tell who is being addressed to in the poem in a way that is more confusing than interesting. For example, the narrator states that “Now we stare at the lake not speaking”, but who the “we” is is never specified, and right after she’s turning on the blinker. It’s nonsensical, but we can tell that there’s real grief behind what the narrator is saying. This makes me think that it’s what Addonizio and Laux meant when they stated that although a poem may seem to be well written, there were definitely feelings behind it that may or may not be polished and refined in the future.

**Professor Gaudry if you happen to be reading this, did you know that I make dollhouses? I know you mentioned liking miniature furniture so here are some of mine (house 1 | house 2 | house 3)**

#week 10 #weeks 9 through 12

[222453vcd-agathazielinski]

Scrapbooking Research

taking a photo of something impairs your memory of it

we give less attention to the experience because we are more focused on taking the photo - and we know the memory/ experience will be safely stored in a photo

photo taker’s memory will suffer when they take a photo whether they expect to keep it or not

longtime partners or friends will distribute memory demands between them so one will remember thing the other doesn't need to

cameras force us to disengage from properly taking in the stimulus as our attention flows to the mechanics of taking the photo

digest.bps.org.uk/2018/05/31/taking-a-photo-of-something-impairs-your-memory-of-it-but-the-reasons-remain-largely-mysterious/

‘pics of it didn't happen’

selfie generation implies that its a new phenomenon, but tourist have always found people to take photos of them

psychologist Sigmund Freud wrote “I only have to bear in mind that place where this ‘memory’s been deposited and I can then ‘reproduce’ it at any time I like, with the certainty that it will have remained unaltered and so have escaped the possible distortions to which it might have been subjected to in my actual memory”

the irony of photography is that it is just as vulnerable to distortion as any other record.

telegraph.co.uk/technology/preserving-memories/why-do-we-take-photos/

memories of our experiences are called autobiographical memories an they rely on a brain region called hippocampus

without the hippocampus, you would be stuck in time and memories of new experiences would rapidly fade

photographs act as memory storage and viewing a photo can activate memory recall

vision is the strongest and most influential in memory formation - through memory and anatomical studies, the neural pathways from the eye to hippocampus have been well mapped out

petapixel.com/2013/07/20/memories-photographs-and-the-human-brain

if you are in the image you're looking at, you become more removed from the image - as if you're an observer

if you're not in the image, you return to first person and relive the experience though your own eyes

Cognitive offloading

“if you snap a shot and share it, you're going to be able to relive that experience with other. if you don't, its going to be isolated to yourself”

Collaborative memory benefits

new info is prompted be a chain of conversation through 2 parties

richer, more vivid description of events incl. sensory info

info from one person showing things in a new light to the other 

Scrapbooking

method of preserving, presenting and arranging personal and family history in the form of a book, box or card

typical memorabilia include phots, printed media, and artwork 

often decorated and contain extensive journal entires or written description

scrapbooking stared in the tUK in the 19th century

commonplace books

popular in England in the 15th century - emerged as a way to compile information incl. recipes, quotes, letters, poems - unique to creator’s interests

friendship albums

became popular in the 16th century - similar to modern dar yearbooks where friends would enter names, titles, short texts or illustrations. created as souvenirs of European tours, would contain certain local memorabilia incl. coat of arms or works of art by local artists 

friendship scrapbook examples from approx 1795-1834 (wikipedia)

In 1775, James Granger published a history of England with several blank pages at the end for the owner of the book to personalise with their own memorabilia 

practice of pasting engravings, lithographs, illustrations, or taking books apart and inserting new media became known as extra-illustration or grangerising

when photographs albums provided images, students used to them to create unique representations through scrapbooking

during 19th century, scrapbooking was seen as a more involved way to preserve one’s experiences that journalling and writing based forms

printed material such as newspaper, visiting cards, playbills and pamphlets became a main component of peoples scrapbooks

until the 19th century scrapbooks were seen as functional rather than aesthetic 

advent of modern photography allowed the average person to incl. photographs

modern scrapbooking

Marielen Wadley Christensen of USA is credited with turning the scrapbook form ages-old hobby in an actual industry devoted to the sake of scrapbook supplies

how to booklet Keeping memories alive by Mariele and Anthony Jay

scrapbooking provides a strong social network, hobbyists are known as ‘scrappers’ or ‘scrapbookers’, get together to scrapbook together 

materials 

book/album, CD case, background papers, photo corner mounts, scissors, paper trimmer, art pens, glue, eyelet setter, heat embossing tools, rubber stamps, craft punchers, stencils, inking tools, textured scissors

embellishments incl. stickers, rub ons, stamps, eyelets, lace, wire, fabric, beads, sequins, ribbon

digital scrapbooking 

with scanners, desktop publishing, page about programs and advanced printing options, its easy to create professional looking layouts in digital form

greater diversity of materials, less environmental impact, cost savings, ability to share, easy to adjust

not limited to digital storage and display

crops

where 2 or more scrapbookers gather to work in a social circle on their books, cards, or other projects. similar to quilting bees

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/scrapbooking

photos are easier to come by now more than ever

if the photos aren't organised and explained, they quickly become a mass that's not meaningful and too overwhelming to look through

scrapbooking appeals to story-telling, photo cataloguing and crafty nature

5 basic scrapbook elements - photos, journalling, title, embellishments, the canvas

scrapbooks can be - on and of actual paper, digital rendering of the traditional scrapbook page, a blog post, slide in a slideshow, anything and any size and any medium you want

how to scrapbook 

photos - moment or event that you like looking at and are thinking about right now

journalling - info you need in order to recall - who and what. why do i like looking at this photo right now? you are telling a story, if someone looks at this in a few years, will they understand in a meaningful way

title - cue to deeper meaning, label of place, event, people

canvas - could be a piece of paper, digital canvas, blog post, slideshow 

embellishments - decorations that add charm 

debbiehodge.com/2011/05/why-start-scrapbooking-today/

scrapbook to record stories, because memories lie

people remember things differently to how they happened

through scrapbooking you can remember exactly how something happened and how you felt

taking the time to make a scrapbook causes you to reflect and feel thankful for good memories 

good hobby to do to relax

beautifulness.com/2014/10/10-reasons-to-give-scrapbooking-a-chance.html

[stardewxcrossing]

I Can’t Find the Words

Warnings: suicide.

Word count: 1,720 

A/N: Words written in Italics are quotes from the song. I’ve been listening to this song on repeat for the entire day, so I definitely was inspired to write a super angsty Reddie oneshot. Slightly out of character? I’m not too sure… Anyway I hope y’all like! Sorry if there are mistakes bc I’m horrible at proofreading my own stuff.

♫ I wanna show you that I care But I don’t have the nerve I wanna say I love you But I can’t find the words ♫

Richie first saw Eddie in the seventh grade. Eddie had moved here during the summer, and although the boys lived only a few minutes away from each other, Richie hadn’t seen him until the first day of school. Eddie was smaller than the other boys in their grade. He had short, medium brown hair that was always combed neatly and kept in place. He usually wore a polo, shorts, and was never seen without his fanny pack. They seemed to be polar opposites. Richie with his dark, curly hair going in every which way. Richie with his dirty Converse sneakers, Hawaiian shirts, and glasses that seem to magnify his eyes twice their size. Richie was the obnoxious class clown, who always had something inappropriate to say, usually at the wrong time. Eddie, on the other hand never spoke in class, was always on time, and never missed an assignment. Maybe it was that reason, that made Trashmouth Tozier hesitant to ever approach Eddie Kaspbrak.

Every day for the entire seventh grade, Richie looked forward to going to first period the most. He couldn’t explain the tingling feeling he felt every time he saw Eddie walk into class. He would spend the rest of class trying to stay focus on what the teacher was saying, but his attention would always go to the small boy across the room. A few times, Eddie had looked up and caught Richie’s eye, before Richie would hastily turn to a different direction or look down at his assignment. He’d feel his face heat up from embarrassment and would try not to look at Eddie for the remainder of class.

Seventh grade came and went, and Richie no longer had class with Eddie. He would catch glimpses of Eddie throughout the day at school, and it was all he needed to get through. Eddie ended up joining the school’s newspaper in the eighth grade, and as it turns out, he had a talent for poetry. Every poem he wrote, spoke to Richie in ways he didn’t know could be expressed through words. With every poem he read, he felt a little closer to the other boy.

A few times, Richie would try to catch Eddie’s eyes when they passed in the halls or during lunch. Once, he had waved at Eddie with a huge grin, and say, “Hey, ya, Eds.” But the small boy never responded. He always took one look at Richie, and with a brief smile, would walk away from the taller boy. Richie didn’t know why, but his heart ached every time. He’s probably just shy. Richie would think to himself. Or maybe he had been too straight forward, and it scared Eddie away. They’ve never spoken spoken before, so why would he call him Eds? Richie told himself he would try to talk to Eddie again, another day, and not freak him out. The next few times Richie attempted to approach Eddie went a little smoother. The boy still never said anything, but at least he didn’t run away as quickly as he had the first time. Richie saw that as a step towards a friendship.

They were in their sophomore year of high school now. Eddie still wrote poems for the school newspaper, and Richie would memorize each one. As months go on, Richie soon realized what he felt for Eddie was more than just a friendship. He was slowly falling in love with the brown haired boy, even though he’s never said one word to Richie. But he didn’t need to hear his voice to understand him. He understood Eddie through the words he wrote, the rhymes he created, and the way he expressed his emotions in every verse. Richie had made up his mind. He was going to write Eddie a poem. He was going to open up to Eddie the same way Eddie had opened up to him. Even though he’s never written a poem in his life, Richie thought it couldn’t be that hard. Boy was he wrong. It turns out, writing a meaningful message and rhyming was something he was not very good at. After many failed attempts, he thinks he’s got the perfect poem. He recited it forwards and backwards until he memorized every word without stumbling. He was going to do it. He was going to read his poem to Eddie at school tomorrow, and then ask Eddie to the homecoming dance. And maybe, just maybe, Eddie will say yes.

Richie was a wreck the entire day. Even his friends could see something was going on with him, since he was never this quiet. He shook off all their questions, embarrassed that they were going to judge him for what he was planning on doing. The bell for the last period rang, and everyone stomped out of the classrooms; the halls erupting with chatter and laughter. Richie dashed out of his classroom and made his way towards Eddie’s locker. He tried nonchalantly to look like he wasn’t waiting for Eddie to come around the corner, although his heart was beating so loud, he was pretty sure the entire hall could hear it. He looked up and saw him. Eddie, with his pink polo and red shorts, approaching Richie’s direction. Before he even said hi, Richie started sputtering out the poem.

Yo what up tuts? I’m at the entrance of your palace And I think that I been starin’ at Aurora Borealis You shine so bright that you could light up up the sky And Columbus with a compass would get lost in your eyes

The world around him stopped. All he saw now was Eddie’s face. Eddie wasn’t smiling. Eddie didn’t say anything, as usual. He just looked at Richie with an almost confused expression, and Richie knew exactly what he must be thinking. Of course this was a stupid idea. Why had he done it? Eddie’s never even said a word to him. What would make him think he’d start now? He knew he had to get out of there quick. He couldn’t stand to see Eddie’s face anymore. Richie turned and dashed out of sight. He ran towards his friends at the bike rack, not catching their gaze, grabbed his bike, and pedaled all the way home as fast as he could. The heartbreak he felt growing with the distance he placed between himself and Eddie.

Richie didn’t show up to school for a week. He holed up in his room, a million thoughts racingthrough his head. Until the seventh night, when Richie would decide to take a bath. He’ll never know now, but as he laid in his crimson bath tub, his mom had slipped a letter under the bathroom door. Written across the envelope read the words “To Richie Tozier. Love, Eddie Kaspbrak.”

* * * * * * * * * * *

♫ I wish that you could know how I Really felt all of this time But no matter what I do You can’t see the signs ♫

Eddie didn’t see the boy with the curly hair for days. He never knew if Richie had gotten his letter or not. He couldn’t understand what had happened the other day. It seemed Richie was saying something, but his lips were moving so fast, Eddie couldn’t fully read everything. He only caught bits and pieces. Something about shining, and a compass, and being lost? For the first time in his life, Eddie felt the burden of being deaf.

He had been deaf since the day he was born, and after everything he’s been through for the past 15 years, he’s never wished to be able to hear more than the day he found Richie waiting for him at his locker. He had been surprised of Richie constantly approaching him throughout the years. But the more frequently he started seeing the other boy, the more he began to look forward to the short run-ins. Richie’s eyes seemed to light up every time it caught Eddie’s. And Eddie didn’t know why, but he always started getting nervous around Richie. He knew he’s had multiple chances to let Richie know about his condition. But he was too scared every time. Instead, he just smiled politely as they passed by each other in the halls, occasionally waving back as Richie waved at him. But he never collected enough courage to actually attempt to have a conversation with him. Instead, Eddie thought the best way to talk to Richie, without actually talking, was through his poems. Their school newspaper published once a month, and every month, Eddie wrote a poem that he silently dedicated to Richie. He never told anyone this, not even his friends, because he was too scared. He was too scared of what people might say about him liking another boy. But mostly, he was too scared about the way Richie was going to react. He was sure the other boy had no feelings for Eddie the way he that he had for him.

Richie stopped showing up to school. Three days past. Then four. Then five. With each day, Eddie grew more worrisome. By the end of the sixth day, he made up his mind. He was going to dedicate another poem to Richie. And this time, it wouldn’t be anonymous. He spent all night gathering his thoughts and words, sealed it in an envelope and dropped it off at Richie’s mailbox early in the morning. He was sure Richie would show up to school that day, but he was wrong. Eddie had scanned the halls during each passing period, with no luck of finding the mop of curly hair.

Eddie came home that day with a heartbreak that he never knew he could feel. He slumped onto the sofa and turned on the TV, hoping to distract himself. Instead, he saw an image of a boy on the news. A boy with a dark, curly hair and glasses that magnified his eyes two times their size. A boy in a Hawaiian shirt that Eddie was so used to seeing with a grin on his face. The headline read:

LOCAL TEEN SUICIDAL WITH A KNIFE TO HIS WRIST

And Eddie sobbed.

A/N: In case anyone is wondering, the song is called “Sign Language” by Kinetics & One Love ft Wynter Gordon. Thank you for reading!! <3

#it #reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #fan fiction #fan fic #reddie fan fic #it fan fic #it 2017 #it movie #it stephen king #mine #writing #tw: suicide #suicide #trigger warning #heartbreak #angst #love #bitchardtozier

[smallpressdistribution]

Feast your eyes and your shelves on October’s

SPD Recommends *Backlist*,

ten still-so-relevant titles selected by our very own Matthew Hedley!

1. Cold Genius - Aaron Kunin

Have you heard Aaron Kunin get excited about Milton yet? In love with things that are funny because he loves them, like Milton’s bible fan fiction, or Chiquita banana, or language meaning a particular thing. Is it fair to say Kunin’s quote clusters are a joke, a reflexive reassurance, a kindness that doesn’t force words down your throat, a presentation, a kindness, so that his book feels deeply kind. I appreciate the Ben Lerner blurb – “it occurs to me often to be grateful for his work.” Because I am, also, deeply grateful. Reviewers seem to delight in calling him a genius – because it’s in the title, maybe – but this book is so much more interesting than that. He’s a genius, who cares, “genius” is really a silly thing, don’t you think? It’s a brand, maybe, or something a lover says and is misunderstood and misunderstood until he figures in a Kunin poem.

2. Trances of the Blast - Mary Ruefle

This book of Ruefle poems is an odd gem. Its title is given the lie by the duration of its gaze. A stanza for the thing, a stanza for the feeling about the thing, a stanza for life after living with the thing. Remember Inception? That movie all the memes come from? This book has all the immediacy of an explosion in that movie, as time dilates wider and wider, until we’ve forgotten we were running from an explosion in the first place. What was that movie about? Or – wait, what’s this book about? It’s not exactly still, since there’s so much life ahead to get to, and it has pace, some yearning to be turned on, left on, but its movement comes from turnabout, the unwieldy and furry shift of a person looming in the midst of a poem. 

And so I have had to deal with wild intractable people all my days and have been led astray in a world of shattered moonlight and beasts and trees where no one ever curtsies anymore or has an understudy. So I have gone up to the little room in my face, I am making something out of a jar of freckles and a jar of glue 

I hated childhood. I hate adulthood. And I love being alive.

3. Monk Eats an Afro - Yolanda Wisher

This book is embodied poetry, the talked about but rarely seen kind. It’s important that the book is anachronistic in its sensitivity – Cry of Jazz came out in 1959, Monk Eats an Afro in 2014 – but Wisher loves jazz, and is good at it. The Sonia Sanchez blurb should be a giveaway of how in scene this book is to Philadelphia, to Philly jazz, to clubs where Sonia still holds court at a central table, with similar tables around, Wisher at another, someone, maybe Dawn Evans holds down a third, there aren’t that many tables but they’re mostly full, with men and women who make Philly great. Sure, I’m being overly romantic, because this is a literal memory I have, being in that room, being in my hometown, sometimes it feels like it might disappear, also – this book is romantic. Its romance poems are downright sexy, and god, when Wisher swings into a rhyme at the end of a stanza it rings out. There’s a body at risk here, recounting personal experience with a heady sense of its own cultural touchpoints. There’s something conservative about a jazz fanatic in this day and age – to go through every day hearing what the radio does while still pulling back to Monk and fam takes work, a love of the way things were – which, in context with the rest of this list, makes a deep commentary on how conservative poetry as a whole really is. Because this book feels novel and standout amidst the others of the list for how separate its references are. No other book on this list is more than one degree of separation (in terms of debt owed) from John Ashbery, and this book might be two, and that makes all the difference. It’s not that it’s “anti-academic,” because that term posits the academy as the thing, and everything else as lying in opposition. But I remember a creative writing professor ask a creative writing graduate student what she could possibly talk to a slam poet about. Monk Eats an Afro is incommunicable with that sort of thinking. Not opposition – a powerful voice, sure in her self.

4. Stories in the Worst Way - Gary Lutz

This book makes me want to write better. Lutz’ style should be ponderous -- the whole text appears at a glance almost as marginalia, like liner notes on liner notes, but nothing is frantic. Somehow it feels calm, even, impossibly, focused. Which can be a little frustrating -- the game of the title STORIES IN THE WORST WAY always cycling through my mind as I am shocked by the talent.  Because they are really well written and make you jealous and more than a little productive. Lutz makes me write. Because he really can write, and his overcrowded margin of a text feels absolutely effortless and easy for him, which is also impossible, and also untrue, and it’s – god, it’s frustrating! But if I didn’t have this book around, what other book could I use to make myself write. I admit, I throw this book around a lot. It’s a really nice weight and size to be thrown, and then picked up, mumble a bit, read the same story again, somehow write four pages, go for a walk, turn around mid-walk, come home and read the same story, write some more. It’s a book I love and picked from thousands of titles here at SPD -- and if you can’t handle being jealous and productive, I just don’t even know you.

5. Videogames for Humans: Twine Authors in Conversation - edited by merritt kopas

This book of playthroughs, essays, contexts, games and game-ified writing is unique and complex. Twine as a digital platform stands alongside all my other distant dreams of choice mediums for preventing academia and the state from incorporating language and work into their narrative. But, unfortunately, the space remains uncurated in meaningful ways to further that vision, which, as Wikipedia will tell you (by omission or deletion mill), perpetuates the same power structures as the world outside. So: CRY$TAL WARRIOR KE$HA (made pre-$ removal) is on the sample page today (looking absolutely amazing), while the most recent review is some undergraduate freshboy’s takedown of its writing structure. Which is to say that the academy is always uncomfortably present in the history and training of creators, players, readers – and even in the essays in VIDEOGAMES FOR HUMANS. The tension in the book’s movement back and forth between Kesha and undergraduate with a grudge is what makes the book so incredibly worthwhile. Beyond just a book for digital language nerds like myself, this collection feels so important for asking questions of how to create positive art spaces. Teenaged entertainment proposes an answer, negated in the misogyny of Lil Yachty, reconstituted in the queer narratives of Twine, complicated in the reactionary nature of write-ups… How will any of us make art in a time where to be an instrument of the state is such a bald-faced violence? But magic and a joy in loving self-sabotage shows a glimmer of hope: 

“There’s this assumption that if you stray from The Scientific Method into actually caring about things like lying on the floor of your room in the middle of the afternoon with black canvas hung over the curtains to keep the sun out with a single candle burning, wearing lipstick—even though you pretty much don’t wear lipstick any other time in your life—sort of meditating and sort of tripping off sensory deprivation and sort of falling asleep, that you had better take that weird stuff just as seriously and humorously as scientists are supposed to take science. Like basically magic can’t be weird or fun or fucked up or stupid on purpose. Which is wrong!”

6. Event Factory - Renee Gladman

Event Factory – There’s a setpiece of science fiction where worldbuilding, forced to include some cultural background for the book, treats us to speculative songs and poetry that are, let’s be honest, always awful. The cantina songs, the God-Whispers of Han Qing-Jao, the water songs of the Fremen – let’s be real, these are painful moments. Even Delany – sorry. But then you have Gladman, a luminary poet, writing her Ravicka novels, and suddenly, writing becomes speculative in parsing and content. There’s all the textured concentration and phrasing her talent begets, combined with a character-driven, engaging and difficult science fiction novel. So that our transportation occurs on every level – not escapism, because the density of idea and descriptor doesn’t admit such an easy movement – as we are other before it. It’s a deeply disturbing book, to be sure. The disassociative trip of finding things already happening to yourself makes the book a Ketamine nightmare in its darkest, half-sexual, half-prone. That’s a warning, I suppose, or as much of a warning as I can give for a book I’d like you to read. It’s a book of recollections, and it often recalls the worst. Go read it.

7. In the Time of the Blue Ball - Manuela Draeger, translated by Brian Evenson

This is the only book on this list I didn’t know beforehand, but god DAMN. It reminds me of Kathryn Davis, but with a different set of idiosyncrasies. Or Monica Furlong’s deeply strange cousin. Or it’s not really like another person, but an outstanding talent all to itself that speaks in an unusual voice, with a style and focus all her own. Still, it’s hard not to try to put it in context, because I hadn’t heard of Draeger previously. Shelley Jackson wrote the back cover blurb, and if you’re not down with Shelley Jackson, there’s nothing I can say to convince you to read this.

“I’m warning you, Potemkine,” said the tiger. “Now, here we are together in too small of a space. It’d be better if you didn’t wiggle in front of me. In the darkness, I could imagine that you were running.”

“I don’t look like a wharf rat,” I said.

“When someone starts running in front of me, it’s too late for distinctions between species,” said Gershwin.

Half-accessible, half-mystic fantasy that flirts with various reading levels, IN THE TIME OF THE BLUE BALL is a gorgeous book of fiction. With thanks to Brian Evenson for a stellar translation.

8. This Lamentable City - Polina Barskova, translated by Ilya Kaminsky

He lies naked on something white, She laughs above She covers him With her pearl, her body her Star, her body her snow, her body On top of the word “strange,” On top of the word “fright.”

Barskova wanders the city and chronicles, and edits, and edits, and edits what she sees. This book is beautifully refined, calm, sure.

“In our village where small animals live slowly And humans jump on them.”

I’d like to do this little feature with only quotes, quotes and gasps afterward. The above a reaction to finding the scattered remains of snails in the lane. I hope it snows where you read this, in the evening.

9. The Feel Trio - Fred Moten

Fred Moten. Glory, Fred Moten. One of the most talented writers of a generation who makes the balance of phrasing and legibility feel effortless. Not that every line is beach-read-legible, but that his word clusters are drop-dead gorgeous, and always feel intentioned and deserved. Throughout his published works, Moten remains a cheat-sheet for debut writers – “how do I get away with putting this really fabulous but loud phrase in my writing” – but THE FEEL TRIO is a monstrosity of confidence, even for him.

           “this a service on the surface for frank wilderness and carl flippant.            my absolute beauty studies feelings in an open afterlife. I hold him            and I’ve lost and I feel it in my hands and the sharp distance of his            little bother, explosive flower of I’m not ready and don’t want to.”

10. That They Were at the Beach - Leslie Scalapino

My favorite book of poetry has somehow never been on a previous SPD Recommends Backlist. The narrator of the book fascinates me – defensive in language, insecure in relative positions, honest in gaze – in her movements between mechanism and pathos. The formalization of language, centered around the em dash – pretending to be a device of clarity – reminds me of coding languages, its Turing-complete, it’s a half step from language, but in this case not towards clarity but something else, something that masquerades as clarity but is poetry. Which isn’t an opposite of clarity, but it’s not the same thing either. I find it impossible not to copy this book’s phrasing for months after I reread it, so I’m trying to be good here. It’s the book that made me love poetry.

#instar books #fence books #wave books #hanging loose press #tupelo press #letter machine editions #north point press #dorothy a publishing project #calamari press

[thelastperformer]

for the writer's ask game, can you please answer questions 1 through 4, 11, 13, 14, 19, 21, 30, 37, 41, 49 through 54? :D

Lmao jeez that’s so many thank you fren

1. Favorite place to write

At home, at my desk or in bed. All my stuff is there lol. Although when I have writing days with one of my friends, we tend to go to a library by her place, and I’ve actually been really productive there too. It’s really nice.

2. Favorite part of writing

Outling and drafting. Love that “ah-ha” moment when you realize how the plot is gonna work out. Funnest part is the beginning stages

3. Least favorite part of writing

Editing and revising. Hate that moment when you gotta go and fill in the plot holes, finding what doesn’t end up working. I like making a story stronger, but the rewriting process is… not fun.

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals?

Uh, I tend to write with headphones on.

When revising, I always rewrite/retype the whole story so that I’m rereading and refamiliarizing myself with parts of the story.

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish

It starts with the idea, whether it’s just a title, a character, a plotline, or a dialogue. It usually sits or simmers in the back of my mind for a while. If I cant shake it, I’ll start investing more thought into it. I tend to take notes on paper but I draft on microsoft word. These days I’ve been trying to outline more, which I either do on paper or on the wavemaker app. If it lasts through an outlining stage, then I’ll start drafting it. If it’s original fiction, I’ll send it on to my writing friends for critiques before starting revisions. Then I’ll revise and repeat until I feel comfortable enough to query or submit lol. If it’s fanfiction, I’ll usually just revise it on my own and post.

13. How do you deal with writer’s block?

These days, the main reasons I cant write are because I’m either depressed or too fatigued to write. I can’t fault myself for that so I just rest and work when I can. Thinking is writing, and I’m always thinking about it.

If it’s a motivation thing, I just try to push through it. Then I go back and revise it later because like hoo boy those words will not be eloquent lol. If it’s an inspiration thing, I try to input some creativity. I either go back and read some of my own stuff to remind myself what it is that I’m striving for, or watch/read something to get my mind going.

14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book?

My current novel ms takes place in the 1920s. Once I decided a time period, I ended up having to go and pour a lot of research into the time period and ww1 and things. I did not do any of this beforehand lol I just do it as I realize I need info, and it was mostly at the beginning of the novel, but it did stall me a lot

19. First line of a WIP you’re working on

Novel ms: “The night the letter arrived, he couldn’t sleep.”

Also for funsies, here’s one from a fanfic: “The  small coffee shop was sandwiched between two equally crummy buildings, tucked far back on the sidewalks of New York.”

21. Post the last sentence you wrote in one of your WIPs

From my novel ms: “ As he was falling asleep, he dreamed of hands running through his hair, whispers thanking him, praising him, so he didn’t think of the aches in his body.“

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written

Uhhh idk I have written a lot of lines.

“Your name is Rebecca / on the lips and hearts of your children” from a poem I totally forgot about

37. Most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you

Oddly enough, one of my college profs in a class that was a fucking distaster and ended bottoms up said something really beautiful. He told us about how he enlisted and deployed instead of going to grad school, and as he was watching like the gunfire and seeing the war in the distance he thought something like, “I’m not going to find a reason for all of that out there. I’m going to find it here, in literature,” and that’s why he went back to school.

Also in hs, a teacher told me that conclusions are for wrapping the paper up in a way that relates to people, in a way that tells the reader, this is why this matters to the real world

41. How many stories do you work on at one time?

It just depends on how much my mind is working lol. Usually at least one or two big ones and maybe a couple small ones. Currently, I have a novel ms wip, a fanfic, and then like bits and pieces of 4 other stories floating around in my head

49. What do you find hardest to write in a story: the beginning, middle, or end?

It kind of depends on the story. Sometimes the middle, sometimes the end. The end of my novel wip is giving me a lot of trouble.

I want to be someone who writes towards the end of a story, but at this point, I am not lol.

50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had

This was a prompt someone gave me: “His name was Doofus, and I thought we were friends.” It became a story about aliens and stolen identities.

51. Describe the aesthetic of your story in 5 words

My novel ms: Rain, teeth, green, family secrets

52. How did writing change you?

Tbh I’ve kind of always been writing, even if I didn’t realize it. In high school I realized how much I enjoyed it and that it came somewhat naturally to me, and I wanted to pursue it and work towards it. I was going to say it didn’t really change me, because it’s always been with me, but maybe that realization gave me something more to strive for.

53. What does writing mean to you?

It’s just a part of me, it’s part of who I am. I don’t have a deeper answer than that lol

54. Any writing advice you want to share?

Uh…… idk.

You gotta know the rules to break ‘em, but please do break them.

You will inevitably write a lot of bad stuff to get to the good stuff. Don’t be discouraged about that, every step is a good one. Innovation is deconstruction and thinking outside the box. So please write a lot.

You will need to learn to take criticism. You will need more than one or two drafts, but take some time between drafts so you can look at it with fresh eyes. Build a community with some writing friends, they will help you in so many ways and it’s so fun to talk about writing processes and see their growth and their projects. You will need to learn to give criticism as well.

Understand that you aren’t just explaining the pictures you see in your head like a movie. Poetry and prose are their own mediums and should be treated as such. They have their own techniques you can use to achieve different affects on the reader but you have to know them.

Above all, enjoy writing. Enjoy the process of writing. If you don’t enjoy the process, what’s the point?

#clevercatchphrase #answered

[sarahburness]

Create More, Consume Less: A Surefire Way to Feel More Excited About Life

“Creating means living.” ~Dejan Stojanovic

We live in a consumer culture. We love to eat, drink, and be merry—while binge watching whatever’s trending on Netflix and getting a dopamine hit for every item added to our cart on Amazon Prime.

We love to take it all in—information, entertainment, status updates, news reports, substances, and an endless array of stuff. There’s never a shortage of things we can consume, often to keep our minds distracted and our feelings silenced.

Now don’t get me wrong. I love a good meal, a Jim Beam or two, and an afternoon spent zoned out on my couch, Penn Badgley haunting me hour by hour as his stalking escalates from creepy to criminal.

And I’m all for staying educated and updated, on issues both important and inane. I’ve spent hours obsessively researching all things health-related, and I’m embarrassed to admit that my search history reveals more than a healthy number of celebrity websites, if such a number exists.

I also understand the instinct to shut down for a while. Our minds can get intolerably loud, and sometimes, external demands can be overwhelming. A little disengagement can be a good thing in a world that often requires us to be on.

But there needs to be some kind of balance. If we spend our whole lives ingesting information and scarfing down an assortment of stuff meant to soothe us, we’ll never have the time or space to connect with ourselves and create the things we want to create.

I’m not talking just about artistic expression, though I personally feel more alive when I’m bringing some type of creative vision to life. I’m talking about filling the void inside with our own curiosity, passion, and awe instead of constantly stuffing it with external pleasures.

It may not seem like it in the moment when our shows, social media, or shopping carts beckon, but often the greatest pleasure stems from actively working toward a life that excites us.

What are some things we can create?

1. A mission statement

Many of us go through our days without a sense of purpose. We have no idea what we value or what we stand for. We have no idea what we’re really doing with our lives, or why.

Nothing feels exciting when nothing is fueled by passion or intention.

In order to feel alive, we need to be connected to what matters to us most individually. I’m not talking about a specific career direction, though that could be a part of it. I’m talking about creating a blueprint for how you want to show up in the world so you can be the person you want to be and make decisions that feel right for you.

For example, my current mission statement is:

To live with wonder, courage, compassion, and integrity, prioritizing family, freedom, adventure, and creative expression.

Knowing what I value, I’m better able to decide which opportunities to pursue and accept and which ones to politely decline.

This doesn’t have to be set in stone. Mission statements change over time as we grow and evolve. So write, revisit, and revise, as often you deem necessary.

2. Art

This is the low-hanging fruit for this list. Yes, art is something you can create! Big shocker! But it clearly has a place here nonetheless.

Especially if you’re tempted to consume to avoid your feelings, why not channel them into a creative project instead? Creativity is not only calming and healing, it’s a journey back to the simplistic joy of childhood—when you had countless Lego castles, doodle-filled pages, and chalk street art masterpieces to show for your time. And the possibilities are endless.

You could color, sketch, paint, sculpt, sew, crochet, knit, make jewelry, build something, or write a poem, short story, or song. You could art journal, scrapbook, create a magazine collage, try origami, or make something with unconventional materials (duct tape, wine corks, doll parts from your childhood).

If you tune into your feelings and curiosity, you’ll find endless inspiration, and if you look around, you’ll find endless materials to use and recycle.

It’s worth noting that quite frequently, consumption fuels creation. I can’t tell you how many scripts I read and films I watched when preparing to write my first screenplay. Every movie helped me learn and sparked ideas for my own story and its execution.

Though it’s also wonderful to enjoy art for the sake of it, there’s something thrilling about consuming with a purpose. Not just to be entertained but also to be inspired—so you can create something personally meaningful to you that will hopefully move and inspire other people to live and a love a little louder.

Little feels more exciting than chiseling a piece of your heart into something beautiful that will endure, while simultaneously motivating other people wake up and live more fully.

3. A medium for self-expression

We live in an exciting time for self-expression. No longer do gatekeepers get to decide whose words deserve a platform. Anyone can start a blog, vlog, or podcast to share their thoughts and views with the world.

The beautiful thing is, it’s not too hard to get started. You don’t need a fancy site or special equipment to get going—though those things are nice to have, and they’re things you could always acquire in time, if you like the medium you choose and decide to see how far you can take it.

With a little googling you can easily find a way to get set up today, for free, so you can move out from the shadows and share what’s in your heart and on your mind.

Not only will you give yourself an opportunity to express your feelings and feel truly seen, you’ll likely also help other people through your honesty and vulnerability. Yes, you.

If you think your voice doesn’t matter, consider this: a blog can reach only one person, and yet be the one thing that saved or changed that person’s life. You never know who you’ll help or inspire by finding the courage to speak up.

4. Memories

At the end of it all, when we look back on our lives, we won’t take a mental inventory of the dollars we earned, followers we gained, or items we checked off our to-do list. What we’ll see is a mélange of moments—times when we loved, connected, got outside our comfort zone, and engaged with world with wonder and enthusiasm.

These moments generally don’t just fall into our laps. We have to actively create them. And sometimes that means stepping outside the realm of our routine and actually doing the type of things we daydream about.

There’s a scene in the movie Stepmom (spoiler alert!) where Susan Sarandon’s character, Jackie, knows her cancer is getting worse and her time with her family is limited. So she does something out of character and beautifully touching: She wakes her daughter Anna in the middle of the night and takes her horseback riding, in the snow.

Anna says she’ll never forget this moment, and how could she? She’s nestled close to her dying mother, on a horse, in nature—when the night’s at its most peaceful and she’s usually asleep and unable to see it. Together they feel completely present and alive in this magical moment of connection and awe.

We can all create these kinds of moments. We can create magic for ourselves, someone else, or both, if we’re willing to prioritize it and put in the effort.

5. Possibilities

I suspect a lot of us feel pretty discontent with our lives. Perhaps Thoreau conveyed it best when he wrote “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

Most of merely survive and think of thriving as a luxury unavailable to the majority. I’m not going to lie; it’s easier for some to thrive than others. Some of us are born into more ideal circumstances, and some get more advantages.

But perhaps the problem isn’t just that not everyone gets the same chances, but also that not everyone takes the same chances.

If we settle into a pit of discontentment and do the same things every day, nothing will ever change.

The only way to make our lives any better is find and seize opportunities instead of waiting for them to come to us.

Make the call. Send the email. Sign up for the course. If you can’t afford it, research scholarships or free or cheap alternatives. Do something to create a new possibility for your life, whether it pertains to your work, your hobbies, or your relationships.

Then the next purchase you make might be something you need for this exciting new path, not something you want because you’re miserably unhappy with the status quo of your unfulfilling life.

6. New connections

We live in an increasingly disconnected world. We spend more time holding devices than hands and look into more screens than eyes, as the Dulce Ruby quote suggests. This is such a lonely way to live. But it doesn’t have to be like this. Not if we prioritize forming and maintaining relationships.

Of course this isn’t easy. It can be challenging to pull ourselves away from our usual indulgences, get outside our little bubble of comfort, and get present in the world beyond our own door. But it’s oh so worth it.

One day last year I was a feeling a little down about my limited social circle where I live near LA. I’ve moved a lot, I travel a lot, and I work from home; and I haven’t done a great job prioritizing relationships where I live.

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed on this afternoon, trying to distract myself from the sadness in my heart, when I decided to do something different: I navigated to a group for Highly Sensitive People, that contributor Bryn Bamber had actually recommended in a post about sensitivity, and I introduced myself, asking if there was anyone near LA.

Several people responded, including one who’s become a great friend—someone I can relate to on a deep personal level. Someone who gets me, who I get back. And not only did I make a new soul connection, I also opened myself up to new possibilities: because of her, I began volunteering at a nearby community theater, where I hope to volunteer again in the future.

It can feel awkward to initiate conversation with someone new. Or at least it feels that way for me. But as Frank told Don in The Green Book, “The world is full of lonely people afraid to make the first movie.” Make the first move. You just might change two lives.

—

In the words of Ferris Bueller, life goes by pretty quickly. Friendships evolve or fade, jobs run their course, kids grow up—and before you know it, we’re looking back at our years, either feeling proud of everything we created or wondering how and why we squandered our time.

I don’t know about you, but I want to prioritize the things that truly matter to me and fill my hours with purposeful actions that fill my heart with peace, passion, and excitement.

I want to make beautiful things, share empowering ideas, and collect more moments of awe than there are grains of sand on the beach.

I also want balance.

I want abundant movie marathons, occasional retail therapy sessions, and Sunday morning mimosas.

I want trashy magazines in the tub, an endless rotation of used true crime books, and a full Netflix queue that seems to scream, “I know what you like, Lori, I get you.”

But I want to consume those things intentionally. Not to avoid or escape anything, but just because they’re fun.

I think that’s a reasonable goal for all of us. To be a little more intentional, a lot more engaged, and in the end, far more excited about the lives we’re living.

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She’s also the author of Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and other books and co-founder of Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and redefine yourself. An avid film lover, she recently finished writing her first feature screenplay and would appreciate advice from anyone in the industry to help get this made. You can reach her at email (at) tinybuddha.com.

Web | Twitter | Facebook | Google+ | More Posts

Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.

The post Create More, Consume Less: A Surefire Way to Feel More Excited About Life appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/create-more-consume-less-feel-more-excited-about-life/

[spamzineglasgow]

SPAM Cuts Special:  ONE FOR JOHN JAMES (1938-2018)

As the year draws in past midwinter day, we bring you a SPAM Cut festive special. Luke Roberts invites us to dwell upon the warmth of elegy, craft and sheer radiance in the work of Welsh poet John James, who passed away earlier this year. 

> John James died in May, true to his word: ‘best to die in summer / when everything is bright / & the earth turns over lightly’. At his final reading in London in April, very ill, he struggled to stand and had trouble holding his book. It was painful to watch but it was beautiful to listen to, and now it’s December and I can still hear his voice. A little Welsh inflection, fragile, but the music coming through clear and exact. I only really met him once, at a reading organised by graduate students in Cambridge in 2010. We took him to the pub beforehand and I bought him a glass of wine. He winced at the options: only New World varieties. From the 2000s onwards he lived part of the year in France, ‘territory of the vine’, writing his exquisite late work. Someone came to our table collecting for charity and he turned to me and quoted Frank O’Hara: ‘a lady asks us for a nickel for a terrible / disease but we don’t give her one we / don’t like terrible diseases’.

> I want to write about John James because he was truly great, but it’s hard to write about John James because if you can’t see it there’s no hope, and if you get it you already know. In Cambridge the older poets talked in hushed tones about his line, how great his line was. And it’s true. From The Small Henderson Room (1969) through to Berlin Return (1983) James worked out a poetry of rigorous sweetness, poised vulgarity, incredible attitude. After that he could do whatever he wanted. He makes it look effortless, but he also shows you over and over the discipline. Style takes work. Early in his correspondence with The English Intelligencer — one of the ‘rowdies’ as J.H. Prynne affectionately called him — he discourses on craft and writes that the whole point of poetry is to be memorable, to be worthy of commitment to memory. Craft is whatever aids this commitment, nothing more nothing less. And the lines come back: ‘Fresh bread can taste so good, it’s so rare / we eat it together’; ‘My shoulders / have learned to be / tense in the night’; ‘& I haven’t a thought in my head that could / sound like a line of Hölderlin’. And more: ‘Pure Chainsaw feeling in the Vat of TLP’; ‘I like to dance so much & a kind of mania / lures me’; ‘A glass of volvic could have made me happy forever’; ‘you’ve just come back / I definitely love you’; ‘art is a balm to the brain / & gives a certain resolution’. The whole of A Theory of Poetry (1977). The great late poem ‘Intersection’, with the wild opening lines: ‘Mao taught us it is a narrative / we must tell of ourselves each day’. They’re the kind of lines you share with your friends, springing to thought with regular buoyancy. They never went away.

> In 1975 James memorialised the German poet Rolf Dieter Brinkmann, killed in a traffic accident in London aged 35. He died on April 23rd, shortly after reading with James and John Ashbery at the Cambridge Poetry Festival. Veronica Forrest-Thomson died a few days later, and the two were commemorated in a volume published by Andrew Crozier’s Ferry Press. James wrote two poems for Brinkmann: one I already quoted in the opening sentence, and another longer work titled ‘One for Rolf’. It begins with ‘displaced April / air in May’, as if the poet’s death has interrupted the seasons. The whole opening stanza turns around subtleties of appearance, the precise quality of dissolution, where ‘we expire like the breeze at evening’. The expiration brings us back to the air, the poet’s breath still lingering in May-time. Erwin Panofsky says somewhere that poets invented the evening, and I believe this to be true. John James writes:

               (the struggle for what is light                 in what is dark

               shone to advantage                in our own backyard

The first couplet could almost be Brecht. If this isn’t an image of political commitment I don’t know what is. James was a socialist from first to last, and his poems are littered with references to strikes, to reading The Morning Star, going out to meetings, hating the Government, to say nothing of his ferocious Irish Republican poems of the late 1970s and 1980s. But this doesn’t explain why the lines are so masterful. It’s something to do with the movement of articulation: ‘light’ and ‘advantage’ come to rest high in the mouth, at least if you read ‘advantage’ with a hard A. You tense your face a little to hold the line at the moment of its breaking. But ‘dark’ and ‘backyard’ are open-mouthed, exhalation, release.

> I think these lines, like many of James’s, have a double-function. I read them allegorically as an image of optimism, commitment, even faith. But since this is ‘in our own backyard’ I also picture a distinct physical space. And since this is about darkness and the struggle for what is light, I imagine that the poet has lost something and is looking for something in the night. I imagine light from a window in the rooms above the yard. I think about specific places I’ve lived and specific people I’ve known. Forrest-Thomson would call this bad naturalization: but since this is an elegy, I take licence in my feelings. I think of a beautiful line Andrew Crozier was writing around the same time: ‘In torchlight to know where you are / and then switch the beam off’.

> The poem, which moves through 10 short sections, is organised around images of light and around images of the accident. James walks through Cologne in the ‘silvery grey light’, sees a ‘torso on the grass / discarded’ with ‘the shadow trickling / across the road’. Sometimes the two coalesce, as with the ‘Traffic lights, tall / lamp-standards, thin trees’. He quotes Ed Dorn, from Gunslinger: ‘“Speed” says Ed “is not necessarily fast”’. There are other quotations: parts of O’Hara’s dictum ‘the slightest loss of attention leads to death’, and a slightly-switched repeat of a line from the earlier ‘Rough for Rolf Dieter Brinkmann’ I’ve already mentioned: ‘& I haven’t a line in my head that could / sound like a thought of Hölderlin’. The most plaintive line in the poem sounds itself like a quotation or translation, but I can’t trace it: ‘there has been an accident in my life o my life’. And so these lines are like reaching out for support, to steady and further the poem, to do the work of mourning.      

> In the conclusion of the poem James gathers his friends closer. Crozier appears ‘in the new good morning day’, looking out of his window in his back-yard in Lewes. He recalls a reading by Ted Berrigan, from ‘Three Sonnets & A Coda for Tom Clark’:

                                   & Ted I heard him                  read the words “Tomorrow you die”                  & me I say,                             “Are you kidding? See you later!”

And in the elegiac mode this poem from 1975 becomes an elegy in advance for Ted — translated by Brinkmann in Guillaume Apollinaire Ist Tod — and for Ed Dorn, and for Crozier, who died in Lewes in 2008, and why not for Tom Clark, too, who himself was fatally struck by a car earlier this year. And why not for Douglas Oliver and David Chaloner and everybody else, gathered beside Rolf and Veronica as the air switches back from May into April.

> Towards the conclusion, light becomes more wholly the medium of consolation:

               the history of your life                a pagination of existence in which I partly live                a slow exposure to the radiance left by you                by you & all others

This gesture towards the others, to everyone, is hard to pull off. Sometimes poets do it to get themselves out of trouble, or else it’s a cheap move of bombast designed to cover the cracks. But James always manages it: the movement is measured, controlled, and authentic, the slow burn of feeling. So we have the radiant pagination of existence, and it’s still radiant.

> A couple of weeks ago I showed my students a short poem from the 1990s:

               Confession

               I throw myself on a                eating utensil a nail                a tin of lemonade                my head against a wall                & smash a window                no one had asked me to do this

We talked about the Catholic imagery, the act of confession, the tin of lemonade as a kind of parody sacrament, the nail as holy reliquary. We tried to elaborate the elusive humour of the whole thing. We decided that if you switch the eating utensil for a writing utensil, it works as a metaphor for poetry itself: the comic frenzy, the damage, the pushing up against constraints, the struggle. The poet is answerable to no-one. There’s something adolescent and helpless about it, finally inscrutable. And I think of this as the other side of the coin: there’s control and discipline, there’s the line and there’s craft; but there’s also accident, panic, and fervour. And John James did it again and again. There were quiet years following his Collected Poems in 2002, but after In Romsey Town in 2011 he published poems and pamphlets with regularity until the end. You can read some of them in Sarments: New and Selected Poems, the book he was holding on to back in April. You can read it in the Collected Poems. I love it all the way through.

                                                                                         December 19th 2018

~

Text & Image: Luke Roberts

#Luke Roberts #poetry #SPAM Cut #SPAM Cuts #John James #essay

[mousedetective]

Forgot to ask last night and didn't get a chance to go on tumblr until now, but could you answer all the questions on the fanfic ask? There's too many good questions, I love asking people these :)

Dude, you seriously should have seen the veeeeeeery wide grin on my face when I got this ask. I squealed and nearly woke my mom up. So here are all the answers my lovely anon didn’t ask (most are behind a cut because it’s long):

1. things that inspire you Oh, wow. A lot of what inspires me are actual prompts. Some of them are very detailed (specific characters/pairings, specific events) and some of them are very vague (a color, a sentence, and maybe a ship). Sometimes I’ll see something like an aesthetic list for a fandom (like I did with Star Trek AOS) and all it will be is a character and a thing associated with them and I’ll write a fic out of that. Sometimes it’s a picture that someone will say “Hey, that makes me think of so-and-so character/ship.” And it doesn’t always come from other people; I collect prompts for myself. Quotes, sentence starter lists, AU lists, pictures…you name it, I’ve got tons of them stashed on my hard drive. That’s what’s going to make my New Year’s resolution so much fun, clearing out my prompts list. I��m hoping to at LEAST get the fandom ones done…2. things that motivate you Music. Feedback. Kudos. Reblogs. People needing to be cheered up. Fandom wank. A bad case of mania. 3. name three favorite writers Professionally, I would say David Eddings, Neil Gaiman and Jayne Ann Krentz. For fanfic, @moonstone1520, @majesticlolipop and @doctor-molly-hooper-holmes4. name three authors that were influential to your work and tell why David Eddings was one of the biggest. I had been writing for a long time before I started to read his work (off and on for about eleven years), but when I read The Elenium and The Tamuli I was all “That’s it. That’s how I want to write. I want my work to sound like THAT.” I also wanted to be able to tell stories that are as vivid and poetic and beautiful as Amy Tan. I’ve been in love with her work ever since I read “The Joy Luck Club,” and I admire the way she paints beautiful images with words and I try my best to do that. I also love being able to move between genres and styles and things like Neil Gaiman does (though he’s much better than I am), and I love the sense of…wonder, I think is how I would phrase it, that he seems to infuse in everything. He’s been a favorite of mine for a long time in a lot of mediums and genres and he’s someone I aspire to be like.5. since how long do you write? I started writing when I was four years old, so…since 1985, give or take? But I’ve been writing fanfiction since June 15th, 1998.

6. how did writing change you? I think because I started so long it never changed me so much as it made me. But writing fanfic changed me, in that it gave me a sense of voice? I mean, I had written stuff for years, but mostly for my own pleasure, aside from school projects. Once I started writing fanfiction, I started sharing my writing, and I also gained confidence. I gained a sense of worth, that I was GOOD at something. I’d been missing that for most of my childhood so that was nice. It wavers sometimes, but for the most part, it’s still there.7. early influences on your writing My mother was my biggest one. She wrote when she could and she was so good at it and she always made sure we had books around and we were read to. I also had teachers who made sure if I wanted to write, I could write. They didn’t try and kill my love of both reading and writing.9. do you set yourself deadlines? Sometimes? Mostly I have deadlines imposed on my when I join big bangs on LiveJournal, and I’m usually reeeeeally bad at those.10. how do you do your researches? Mostly online, though on certain subjects I have a ton of books (mythology, astrology, magic & fairy tales are the big ones)11. do you listen to music when writing? Most of the time. However, it’s more to tune out other stuff; I usually regard it as white noise.12. favorite place to write On my bed.13. hardest character to write For different reasons, Elementary!Sherlock, BBC!Moriarty and Montgomery Scott. Sherlock and Moriarty because I just marvel at how complex they are and I think I can’t POSSIBLY match the writer’s brilliance, and Scotty because of his damn accent.14. easiest character to write Molly Hooper. Also AOS!Leonard McCoy and James Kirk.15. hardest verse to write Elementary, to be honest. Even though I love and adore that show, it’s so well written and the characters are so multi-faceted I’m terrified I will screw each and every one of them up.16. easiest verse to write Sherlock. I mean, I have almost 800 fics with those characters, so…18. favorite pairing to write Hmm…toss-up between McCoy/Molly, Sherlock/Molly and Irene/Molly. 19. favorite fandom to write Sherlock, though the rare times I get asked to I adore getting to write my girls from St. Trinian’s. Especially when playing with the Sherlock peeps in my “Where The Wild Ones Are” series because I love that series to itty bitty teeny tiny pieces. Star Trek AOS is also a blast.20. favorite character to write Molly Hooper. She is my Little Black Dress character, not just for ships but just to write. I like to put her in everything.21. least favorite character to write I really don’t like writing BBC!Moriarty. I love Andrew Scott, but he’s a complex character I don’t like very much. It’s probably why I kill him most of the time. I also stopped liking writing John Watson long before this season. I probably will write him very little from here on out.22. favorite story you’ve ever written “The Art Of Love Is Largely The Art Of Persistence.” I am super super proud of that story, and the fact I actually finished it, and that it doesn’t veer off course too often and isn’t horribly OOC, and that it’s still read and people still like it.23. least favorite story you’ve ever written Either of the ones I’ve orphaned at AO3 (the genderswap Johnlock story and The Angsty Fic O'Doom in which I brutalized Sherlock and Molly and killed Molly and nope nope we don’t talk about that one)24. favorite scene you’ve ever written Oh wow. I mean, I’ve written at least three thousand stories over the years, so this is hard. Um…in the CSI: NY fic “Five People Who Never Died (And One Who Did)” the whole part about Flack’s funeral. I think that’s probably one of the best things I wrote and probably the one thing I’ve written that I’ve gotten the most “I HATE YOU I’M CRYING HOW DARE YOU!!!” comments about.25. favorite line you’ve ever written It’s a few lines in a Bleach fic I wrote called “The One I’m Most Proud Of,” based on a headcanon that Hitsugaya was one of the children that Ukitake and Kyoraku had rescued in the Districts outside the Seireiti:

“Why do you shower me with gifts and candy even though I don’t need them?” he asked, narrowing his eyes slightly.

“Because of all the children I’ve helped rescue, you’re the one I’m most proud of,” he said gently. “You’re a Captain at such a young age, and…perhaps I felt guilty that we did not spend time with you as a child, Kyoraku and Unohana and myself. It is my wa of feeling less guilty.”

“There is no need,” he said gruffly, trying to cover up the other emotions he felt at the moment.

“Well, then I will cease to do so,” he said. “You’ve probably outgrown it all now, at any rate.”

Hitsugaya was quiet. “Perhaps not so much candy. I hate sweets, unless they are watermelon flavored.And…I would like books, if you feel the need to shower me with gifts,” he said slowly. “Books and other things more suitable for adults.”

“With the occasional toy to remind you to have your childlike moments?” Ukitake asked, smiling a little more.

“Fine, fine,” he said. Just…no stuffed animals. I’ve been giving them to children in the Rukongai because I can’t stand them.“

"Then no more stuffed animals,” he said with a nod. He held out his hand, and Hitsugaya shook it once before letting go.

26. story you’re most proud of “The Art Of Love Is Largely The Art Of Persistence,” because it’s literally the length of three novels and I didn’t think I could do it.28. worst review you ever got When I posted the story “love is a battle, love is a war” there was a long gap before I finished it, and I almost didn’t. For those curious why, you can check out this review, because I’m pretty sure I left it up, but someone basically read me the riot act over the story that Molly tells Sherlock about the stupid decision the younger sister makes that curses the village. The whole point of the story was to show it was a foolish, selfish decision, but literally I had been walking home from my job at Legoland to the bus stop to get me away from the park and I almost threw my cell phone onto the freeway because I was so pissed (though keep in mind, earlier in the day this person had shat on “The Art Of Love Is Largely The Art Of Persistence,” too, so I shouldn’t have given them any mind because they skipped ahead and didn’t bother to read 2/3rds of the story at the time).29. favorite story/poem of another author It’s not finished yet, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE “Penny Drop” by @moonstone1520. I have been bad and not commented in forever but it’s an amazing Sherlolly story and everyone should read it. As for professional work, I will always love “Good Omens” by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. It’s seriously one of the best books in existence.30. hardest part of writing Coming up with titles and getting motivated.31. easiest part of writing Once I get into a groove? Getting the words to come out.32. alternate title for “The Art Of Love Is Largely The Art Of Persistence” There never was one. I saw the quote and fell in love with it.33. alternate ending for “The Art Of Love Is Largely The Art Of Persistence” There actually was one! I was actually going to go all the way through to the end of him getting his Master’s (yes, I was going to make it longer) and end with just the engagement. But then I was all “Eff it, this is already long, let’s wrap it up.”34. alternate pairing for “The Art Of Love Is Largely The Art Of Persistence” I never had one. This was always planned to be a Sherlolly fic.35. single story or multi-part story? Both. I love writing one-shots and series, though I will admit I have a slight bias for series.36. one-shot or multi-chaptered story? I love the IDEA of multi-chaptered stories more than I love writing them, as my WIP folder shows…but I’ll continue to write both.37. canon or AU? AU. Oh, AUs are fun. But my real true love is UAs.38. do you reread your own stories? Quite often, actually, usually because they’re part of a WIP or a series and I’m updating after forever and I forgot what the hell happened. ::sheepish grin:: The rest of the time, though, it’s usually because someone left it a kudos and I’m scratching my head because I’m all “I wrote this?” It happens when you have 1.2K stories on AO3 and the titles all start blending together…39. do you want to be published some day? I do but I don’t? I’m not sure I have a thick enough skin to be a published author.41. one song that captures “The Art Of Love Is Largely The Art Of Persistence” “Paper Heart (종이 심장)” by f(x). If you read the English translation it fits the two of them pretty well.42. do you plan or do you write whatever comes to your mind? Depends on what I’m writing for. If it’s a Big Bang, I do some planning but not much. If I have something I’m trying to do for a milestone, I may plan a specific order of fics to write. But generally I just write whatever I want or whatever my Tumblr users would like to see most that I feel like writing.43. would you ever write a sequel for “The Art Of Love Is Largely The Art Of Persistence” I actually just turned it into a series last month because I’ve been asked to write filler fic within the story itself as well as a sequel set around the time Molly’s going to have the baby, so yes.44. do you write linear or do you write future scenes if you feel like it? For multi-chaptered fic, I mostly write linear. For most of my series it’s the same but some I’ve had to write out of order for various reasons.45. share the synopsis of a story you work on that you haven’t published yet Without too many details, Character A knows he shouldn’t sit on the throne of the Almighty Allfather, but he can’t resist. What he sees is a beautiful maiden who captures his heart. He’ll do anything to woo her, despite their differences, and sends Character B to speak for him. But things don’t turn out quite as planned…46. share a scene of a story that you haven’t published yet I actually don’t have any yet! Sorry.47. how many unfinished ideas/stories are you working on at the same time? Shit…I have the ones claimed by my fellow Sherlollians that I’m thinking about (I think that’s about fifteen to eighteen there? Maybe twenty or so), and I have a crapton of WIPs that are both commissioned and not commissioned that are around…thirty? And then I have a folder of big bang ideas that I tool with from time to time and there’s ten of those, plus my series, and I’m actively writing a lot of those, and that’s not counting that posterofamyth andgreenskyoverme  constantly give me prompts because I owe them so much fic, so…let’s just say 100+ and leave it at that. 48. three spoilers for “The Art Of Love Is Largely The Art Of Persistence” I’m going to do it for the sequel since that story is finished. ( 1 ) It will be a Sherlock POV story this time. ( 2 ) It’s going to start when Molly is about five months pregnant, right about the time they can find out the sex of the baby (and there will be only one, I promise). ( 3 ) Molly’s going to have the baby at an inconvenient time.49. writing advice Always write shit down. Always.

#answering asks! #about me! #fanfiction #fanfic #my stuff #beargirl1393