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kaminobiwan · 4 years

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cannonball

pairing: obi-wan kenobi x jedi!reader

summary: Throwing all caution out the window, Obi-Wan dives headfirst into a long awaited confession. At least, he tries to. The universe seems to leave an obstacle for him at every turn, but Obi-Wan is nothing if not persistent.

a/n: Oh my goodness, this has got to be my proudest piece. It was one of the victims of the incident™ and I had to rewrite the whole thing from scratch, but I actually think the final version came out better than the original! The title is inspired from the summary of my previous fic Indulgence, but this one is actually the cornerstone of all of my jedi!reader x Obi-Wan fics: every one of those has stemmed from this storyline idea that has been living in my head for so long. Suffice it to say this is THE fic that I have wanted to write from the beginning — my pièce de résistance, if you will.

I hope you enjoy :-) p.s. here's my taglist form

In all the years he’s known you, Obi-Wan swears he only ever started to lie to you during the Clone Wars.

In his defense, he’d been lying to himself, too. Forcibly crushing down his much-deeper-than-platonic favor for you in the hopes that it’d disappear, forgotten in his darkest recesses, was exhausting in more ways than one. One’s mind can only be dishonest with the heart for so long.

But after more than a year and a half into the fighting, he’d felt too many times the choking fear that he’d never see you again — be it because of his death or yours.

So he’d given up in repressing his emotions, and let himself feel. In the precious minutes of reprieve amidst the horrors of combat, sometimes the only thing that could console his jaded and war-torn soul was the memory of you.

He wonders how he managed to continue for as long as he did before allowing himself to consciously love — it was well into the conflict when he came to terms with it. If he closes his eyes, he can easily remember the exact moment.

Geonosis. His return to the forsaken planet.

The chaos of it all had been staggering. He’d barely been able to hear Cody’s warning before he was shot out of the sky, and the crash that claimed the lives of nearly everyone in the transport had been just the beginning of the hellscape he’d endured.

There was an instant where he’d been sure he was going to die on the field, seconds before the remainder of his battalion was about to be overrun.

He remembers the gunfire surrounding him, piercing the falling bodies of his men as he laid helpless and injured. Cody’s shouting amidst the mayhem. The stabbing pain of his ribs that had blackened the edges of his vision. The dirt that had caked his face and armor. The sheer amount of it had been maddening.

And yet, as the bugs had closed in around him and he’d forced himself to his feet to meet his imminent end, the only thing that had run through his mind was...you.

Your name, your face. The dissatisfaction at the fact that the last time he’d seen it, it’d been distorted, static and blue from the holo you’d shared with Master Unduli. The way you’d hidden a smile as she interrupted his competitive jeering with Anakin ahead of the battle.

At least he’d made you laugh, he’d thought, and with that, he’d ignited his lightsaber.

And then the reinforcements had come. And he’d been left to sink back down on shaking knees with the image of you burning in his brain until the concerned presence of Ahsoka materialized at his side.

He hadn’t had any time to process the stunning realization that he was in love with you. He’d scarcely had a second to gather himself before he was already spouting a revised attack plan to take the droid factory, reverting to autopilot the way he always did when he assumed his identity as a war general.

But the universe had seemed intent on not letting him escape it, regardless. Just days later, he’d saved your life — you’d arrived at Point Rain with Luminara only to be taken by the Geonosian queen to be turned into a mindless, shivering zombie.

“I still haven’t forgiven you for that, you know.” You’d chirped, while tapping his nose teasingly.

“What? The stunt with the worms? You know I wouldn’t have actually let it go up your nose.”

“No, for disobeying an order to fall back and leave us behind.”

His heart had clenched at your words. Never in a million years would he abandon you if he thought there was the smallest chance of saving you. He knew that, finally.

But the fear of losing the only life he’d ever known outweighed the fear of losing you, and he’d settled with yearning for you from afar. It would be enough, he’d convinced himself. He refused to burden you with the knowledge that he’d been pining helplessly for you for Force knows how long, and ruin the careers in the Order you’d both worked so hard to construct.

That was, until now.

Until he’d seen Satine Kryze again, after decades apart, and she’d declared her surviving affection for him from all those years ago, Anakin witnessing the whole thing. After he’d seen the weight of her unspoken truth upon her shoulders. And although he regretted that he couldn’t grant her the relief from her wanting, he’d resolved that he didn’t want to spend the rest of his days the same way — slowly being crushed by his own supression. Even if his feelings were unrequited.

So he’d decided that he’d tell you, Jedi Code be damned. He wouldn’t hold it in any longer.

As the Coronet docked on the landing pad where the Chancellor was waiting, he’d been jittery with anticipation. That, and disoriented from the events that had transpired on the way there. He’d blubbered uncharacteristically when Satine had caressed his face in farewell, Anakin watching delightedly at his back. Then, as he’d turned to find a speeder to make his way to you in the Temple, the universe had yet again toyed with him — you were there, appearing on the platform out of nowhere like a summoned spirit, but not making your way towards him.

No, you were walking straight towards Satine.

You didn’t seem to notice him or Anakin behind you, welcoming the Duchess with practiced cordiality and leading her to the airbus where the other Senators were boarding, glaringly obvious that you’d been assigned on escort duty. Obi-Wan held back a groan. Of all the Jedi.

Anakin had practically collapsed in hilarity, a hand heavy on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “The Force works in mysterious ways, Master,” he crowed. “I finally get that one.”

———

You’re perched high up on a viewing balcony of the Senate Chamber when he finds you, a little before Satine is set to address the Republic.

“You’re certainly off your game today,” you exhale an amused laugh as he skids to a stop, attempting to compose his appearance as he approaches you. “Anakin told me all about what happened on the Coronet en route to Coruscant.”

His blasted Padawan. Obi-Wan could strangle him.

“I didn’t teach him to gossip,” he grumbles, coming to stand beside you. He'd run the whole way here to catch you, but his rapid heartbeat isn’t from physical exertion. You’re as tranquil as ever, though, and your presence relaxes him despite.

You give a snort. “Maybe not intentionally. He definitely learned how to operate outside the lines of the Code by watching you.” He knows you’re poking fun at him, but his breath catches at the mention of the doctrine that dictates you both.

But he’s set on telling you. Today.

“Actually, I was hoping to talk to you about something similar.”

You turn to the Chancellor’s podium as his voice reverberates through the hall, but Obi-Wan’s hearing is fixed on you. “Of course, Obi, but it’ll have to wait until later. I think your friend is about to speak.”

He opens his mouth to reply, to bring your attention back to him, but you’re focused on the proceedings. He doesn’t like the jovial way you say friend, as if you’re almost happy about it, but he forces his gaze to follow yours as Satine begins her address.

Which, of course, goes terribly wrong. Because nothing seems to want to work out today.

Even your usually optimistic features are set with a grim expression as a testimonial from Satine’s own Deputy Minister slights her leadership, and the Senate turns against her. As her repulsorpod retreats from the center of the chamber, you cast concerned eyes towards him.

“Go,” you urge him, and he’s frozen between staying or leaving. “She needs you. I’ll buy you some time with the security detail.”

Obi-Wan doesn’t want to depart from your side, words hanging on the tip of his tongue, but he knows you’re right. He nods at you gratefully before chasing after Satine.

———

He tries again in the evening, while you’re between shifts of guarding the Duchess’ guest quarters.

“She seems...interesting,” you nod to the Mandalorian guard that passes by to take your post, speaking low enough that your conversation is relatively private. “She certainly had much to say about you.”

Obi-Wan wanted to scream. It seems everyone had been able to get you alone except for him. “I told you about that year on Mandalore after I came back,” he protests, and you shoot him a pitiful wink.

“Not the way she described it.”

Before he can demand just what Satine had let on, the sound of rapid footfalls draws both of your attention to the guard you’d greeted earlier. “Master Jedi! The Duchess is gone. We don’t know for how long.”

You curse lightly and rush down the hall to follow the Mandalorian, and Obi-Wan is about to do the same when his comm buzzes on his wrist.

He sighs in frustration. He knows exactly who it is.

———

After he’d relayed the untampered evidence to Padmé in time for the Senate convocation and Satine had been released from custody, Obi-Wan makes his way to your quarters in a determined stride. The past couple days were nothing short of a wild Bantha ride from start to finish, and he was tired of tiptoeing around you.

As he raises a shaking hand to knock outside your room, he stalls in a moment of fleeting hesitation. The impending metamorphose of your relationship nags at his brain, and he pauses. What he’s about to do will indelibly transform the dynamic between you, for better or for worse. It dawns on him that there won’t be any going back from this.

He hears your voice from a distant memory of late nights in the Temple gardens, basking in the light of the stars. Of course everything will change. Nothing can stop that.

So be it.

He stands as tall as he can manage, and knocks resolutely.

You open the door looking ready for bed, clad in a billowing camisole, face dewy from the refresher and hair still damp. He smiles at you as you open it wider. “Hello, Obi.”

He shuffles inside, meekly nodding in apology of his interruption. “I thought I’d come see you.”

Like routine, you’re already heating up a pot of water for him as you search for his favorite tea in your cupboard. Ever so thoughtful. His heart flutters beneath his robes. “I’m glad to see you found the Duchess,” you chime lightheartedly, “I had a hunch when you disappeared earlier.”

His hand finds the back of his neck. “I hope I didn’t make you look too bad, being on protection and all.”

You shake your head dismissively. “I was just glad to hear she was safe. You helped save her people from Republic occupation.”

Altruistic honesty radiates off of you, and his chest drops, in a good way. You care, and it’s written all over your actions.

You’re the best person he knows. Without question.

For a split second, Obi-Wan wonders if he even deserves you. But he pushes the thought in the back of his mind for later, hell-bent on not letting anything get in the way of what he wants to say.

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

You face him fully, abandoning the tea as you take in the seriousness of his posture. He sucks in a stunted breath.

“It’s about —”

“I know.”

He startles, momentum lost as you interrupt him suddenly. Your gaze is penetrating. “What?” He asks dumbly.

“It’s about Satine, isn’t it?” Your bare arm comes up across your body to hold the other, and Obi-Wan finds himself staring at the way your too-long pants brush the floor as you sway to one side. Your sleeping shirt brushes the middle of your thighs, and he realizes how utterly small you seem in the moment. “You feel the same way about her that you used to.”

His eyes snap up to yours at your words, mind reeling. It takes him an eternity to force out a single word.

“...No.”

You tilt your head confusedly, and Obi-Wan wants to pinch himself to test if this is some sort of stress-induced hallucination. “No? You do know she’s positively infatuated with you, don’t you?”

“No, I —” he shuts his eyes desperately. “I mean, yes, I know, but I don’t —” he breaks off abruptly, opening his eyes at you with newfound willpower. Blast it.

Obi-Wan crosses the room in three steps, reaching his hands out to cradle you delicately as he pulls you in for a bruising kiss.

He hears your breath stutter, shock just about vibrating off of you, but in the next second your eyelashes graze his cheeks as you close your eyes and lean into him. His heart pounds in crazed gratification, and Obi-Wan feels downright dizzy from the sensation. He’s going to faint, he’s going to die right here in your arms —

Your hands find the top of his chestplate, fingers curling against it, but after a beat of his body singing with joy, he feels you apply the smallest pressure on his armor. You detach your lips from his slowly, and he blinks dazedly at you when you pull away. Disbelief paints your frame.

“Obi, what —”

“I love you,” he says quickly, hands still on either side of your face. “I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you. For so long.” One of your hands reaches up to clasp his own against your cheek. “I know that this goes against everything we’ve ever been taught, and you must be confused. I’m sorry.” He breaks off for a second, eyebrows creasing, because he’s not sorry. He could never be sorry for what he’s just done, not with the feeling of your lips still rippling in tingles through his brain. “But I had to tell you. I just...couldn’t go on without you knowing.”

Your mouth opens and closes as you flounder in his confession, and he studies you with more intensity than he’s felt in ages. He’s suddenly hyper-aware of everything about you, offhandedly concentrating to memorize every tiny detail. He’ll relive that kiss a thousand times over for the rest of his life if it’s the last one he’ll get.

“I — I don’t know what to say,” you manage to let out, and he presses his forehead to yours before releasing you. Say you love me, his heart cries. But Obi-Wan pushes the sentiment away.

“It’s alright,” he promises gently. You stare at him as he squeezes the hand that’s still holding his. “You don’t have to say anything.”

“Obi-Wan, I —”

Whatever you’re about to say is cut off by a loud knock from outside, and the way you jerk back from him pricks at his emotions. You quickly pad to the door, opening it a crack as he attempts to conceal himself from your unexpected visitor.

“Sorry to bother you so late, Master,” Anakin’s voice fills the air, and Obi-Wan shrinks further into the shadows. “I’m just checking in before I leave for Vanquor. I wanted to make sure you’re still available to train Ahsoka while I’m gone?”

It takes you a little to formulate a response, your eyes still wide. “Yes — of course, Anakin, always.” You attempt to shut the door, but Anakin speaks up before you can.

“Actually, I was hoping to ask you for some advice as well, if you don’t mind.”

You can’t look at Obi-Wan without giving him away, so he sends a subtle wave of reassurance your way, hoping you pick up on it.

The tension releases from your shoulders, and you nod at his old student. “I’d be happy to. Give me a bit to get ready,” you gesture behind you, “and I’ll walk you to your quarters.”

Anakin must nod in return, because you close the door without another word. You reach up to grab your outer robes from where they’re hung on the wall, and turn to him with a tormented expression.

Go, it’s his turn to coax you as he mouths the word silently. It’s alright.

Your eyes are shining with emotion that he can’t quite read in the dim light, but eventually you slip on your cloak and shoes and open the door once more. With one last lingering glimpse at him in the corner, you disappear into the hall where Anakin is waiting.

As he feels your presence dwindling away, he sends a final thought into the vacant room, more to himself and the aching emptiness of the Force than to you.

I love you.

#*DROPS THIS AND RUNS*#rini writes #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi wan x reader #obi wan kenobi imagine #i'm so excited to finally post this one it's been in my drafts forever #THE DRAMA!#don’t imagine the gif as his face after you leave just DON’T

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be-compromised · 3 years

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Secret Santa 2020 Masterlist

Thank you to everyone who’s taken in this year’s holiday exchange, from gift creators to beta readers and volunteers and cheerleaders! All gift creators have now been revealed on the individual posts and in the masterlist below, so you’re now free to post, share, and link to your gifts wherever you like. If you could in some way link back to this exchange or the comm to direct people to all the other wonderful fics as well that would be great :) For AO3 users, there's an AO3 collection HERE for @be-compromised Secret Santa 2020 and ‘Community: be_compromised’ is available as an AO3 tag. Secret Santa 2020 Masterlist All I Want For Christmas (Gen) by @huntress79 for @quietlyimplode Summary/Prompt: 1. Whump leading to a happy christmas of being all together and happy. She finally was back home, at least physically. But her mind is still in that old factory building, trapping her in a dark place she can’t seem to escape. Good thing she has two very determined boyfriends, who would move Heaven and Earth for her. Add a pinch of the Magic of Christmas, and the Avengers might get their very own Christmas Miracle. Clint Barton, Disaster Bi (Teen & Up) by @inkvoices for @cassiesinsanity Summary/Prompt: Clint’s done worse things than let Natasha know that she's hot and turns him on via emojis. Like agreeing to the rule 'no romantic feelings' when they started sleeping together, which is the dumbest thing Clint has ever done in his life. Except he sends the message to Bucky by mistake. Falling into Focus (Teen) by @cassiesinsanity for @paperairplanesopenwindows Summary/Prompt: "OT3 person of your choice is a travel writer/blogger who keeps running into Nat and Clint at various exotic destinations.” Five Times Clint "Proposed" to Natasha at Christmas (and One Time She Proposed to Him) by @paperairplanesopenwindows for @huntress79 Summary/Prompt: Christmas proposal (with or without the other Avengers around; and I also leave it up to the gifter who's popping the question ;) Go nuts! listen, there's a hell of a good universe next door (M) by @quidnunc-life for @cloud--atlas Summary/Prompt: "Listen: there’s a hell of a good universe next door; let’s go." – e. e. cummings, plus a bit of "this friends with benefits situation was not supposed to develop feelings" and "(774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"" Oh my god, they were roommates (in 2012)! (M) by @hawksandspiders for @alphaflyer Summary/Prompt: SHIELD believes in being economical with its funds when it comes to on-base accommodations. Clint Barton believes in fucking with the system at any given opportunity. Natasha Romanoff believes - actually Nat's just done with everybody's shit. (Prompts: "Respect the classics: go for the tropiest tropes" and "Write like it's 2012!") Oh, What A Shame That You Came Here With Someone by @lostemotion for @closetedboggart Summary/Prompt: Die Young by Kesha (aka Clubbing but make it OT3) Outrun the Night (NC17) by @quietlyimplode for @lostemotion Summary/Prompt: All except the 1920s Pins and Needles (Teen) by @alphaflyer for @hawksandspiders Summary/Prompt: “Thwarted timely acquisition of seasonal gifts or failing to even pick one.” ‘Barton!!!’ booms Tony Stark’s voice, triggered by a mechanism buried in the spine of the card. ‘Pepper says I should invite you to my party. Against my better judgment, I am. Bring a date, if you can find someone willing - or subdue someone who’s not. And wear a clean t-shirt. Be there or be square!’ There's only one issue with that invitation: Natasha might be there. Safe Harbour (Teen) by @cloud--atlas for @quidnunc-life Summary/Prompt: Lighthouse AU Some things you will remember (T) by @closetedboggart for @inkvoices Summary/Prompt: Natasha Romanoff is Steve Rogers' best friend. Natalia Romanova is the Winter Soldier, fist of HYDRA and mentor to the Black Widow, James Barnes. But when the Black Widow defects to join SHIELD, it sets these two personas-- and two men from her past-- on a collision course. (for the prompt: "AU: James Barnes is the Russian assassin Clint Barton brings in from the cold and into SHIELD. Natasha Romanoff is the Winter Soldier. (This could be gen, any pairing, or threesome!)" and also "Everyone lives in the Tower fic or team!family fic." because I couldn't help myself) You’re also more than welcome to use your Secret Santa banner elsewhere (credit to @inkvoices). The html code to add an image is: <img src="IMAGE LINK HERE" height="100%" width="100%" /> Image links: All I Want For Christmas: https://i.imgur.com/H77XCRF.png Clint Barton, Disaster Bi: https://i.imgur.com/lhfw0c2.png Falling into Focus: https://i.imgur.com/aYDjUor.png Five Times: https://i.imgur.com/fx93IcK.png listen, there's a hell of a good universe next door: https://i.imgur.com/Sa2wg81.png Oh my god, they were roommates (in 2012)!: https://i.imgur.com/zLWXa6u.png Oh, what a shame that you came here with someone: https://i.imgur.com/7ZXkZOI.png Outrun the Night: https://i.imgur.com/AFaqdD1.png Pins and Needles: https://i.imgur.com/mJJ0bR6.png Safe Harbour: https://i.imgur.com/WeiUCDw.png Some things you will remember: https://i.imgur.com/rpJ8h5P.png And a little note from your mods: It’s been a hell of a year and, for us, being part of this corner of fandom has been a big part of getting through it. It’s been a delight spending time with all of you lovely lot. Your creativity, enthusiasm, and kindness is what makes this community what it is and we can’t thank you enough for that <3 We hope we’ve managed to brighten up your year, even if just a little, with comm events. While there’s light at the end of the tunnel, we’re not quite there yet, so we plan to keep the pace up if we can. At the moment ideas include something in the new year (maybe a Zoom or discord gathering?) and a Valentine’s Mini Promptathon. Please do comment or message us with any ideas and thoughts on what you’d like to do! For now, we hope you have a happy, healthy holiday season and wish you all the best for New Year 2021. @inkvoices & @cloud--atlas

#commstuff #masterlist #fic #secret santa 2020 #clintasha #clint barton #natasha romanoff #ot3

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faxing-the-fact · 3 years

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Nhaza’a Jaab HW Allied Beast Tribe Dialogue differences

This is more for myself while hopefully and unsure if Square Enix + YoshiP will be giving us the First Shard of Nhaza’a Jaab, or he’s completely dead for good. I’m curious on the line below where he refers WOL as an old friend, which makes me wonder how did the other languages view about him.

This is personally more of my own favorite platonic or love-hate relationship with my WOL and crew and him, mainly WOL and him. Mostly as food for myself to fuel how they interact to get a better idea for their relationship

NOTE: Translation below are pure using Google Translate and trying to make sense of it. Japanese version is the only I’m having a bit more experienced with basic understanding but it’s still not that good.

Japanese version

You are... You are the adventurer who was hanging out with barbarians in Thanalan, right? At that time, you thought I would die, but I survived this way. Whatever you are involved in... Will you make me "enthusiastic" again?

Things to note:

For his other quotes in JP can be found here: https://twitter.com/search?q=%E3%83%8A%E3%82%B6%E3%83%BB%E3%82%A2%E3%83%BB%E3%82%B8%E3%83%A3%E3%83%BC%E3%83%96&src=typed_query&f=live

Instead of the word ‘thrill’, 熱狂 (Nekkyō) enthusiastic or wild enthusiasm is used for describing his search of sadistic thrill-seeking fights.

熱 (Netsu): Heat, fever

狂 (Kyō): Madness

For this context, Nhaza’a is asking for the feverish madness that could be found in heated thrill of life and death?

French version

Look who's here... I remember your face... You're the one who made friends with those barbarians in Thanalan. I thought my time had come when you blew up my aircraft. As you can see, it didn't affect me too much.

What do I owe the honor of your visit? Don't tell me you wanna turn me on again?

French version, Nhaza’a is more pleased and amused he meets his old nemesis or rather, love interest. If the lines of how he remembers WOL’s face compared to others indicates they did left a strong impression on him or somehow interest him? Which by his dialogue goes anything, he’s also amused that he’s pretty much pissed or irritated WOL that’s he still alive causing jaywalking, arson and murder on beast tribe as though nothing happen.

But I think I could be wrong in the translation because it really wasn’t WOL who blew up his aircutter in ARR allied tribe quest at the end.

Deutsch version

As for you, you are the adventurer who used to hang around with the Wild Tribes in Thanalan. I see you kept your strange preferences. Back then, you almost drove me to the afterlife. But as you can see: I'm alive - and I'm more insane than ever!

Deutsch/German version are similar in indicating WOL was the one who made their attempt to kill him but failed. And now, return back with a deadlier vengeance against them with probably or not losing more braincells in his head to go insane

Overall: I really wish they bring him back or more involvement for Nhaza’a in the Beast Tribe quest. I still really want to see the chance WOL actually going head to head with him in combat just once without the beast tribe interference.... Well this is mainly bias to see their tension of relationship between two enemies. And more material to fuel into headcanon and fanfic for the rare pair in FFXIV.

Since all three dialogues does indicate tension and at least interest depending which language Nhaza’a has for WOL

#Nhaza'a Jaab #final fantasy xiv #ffxiv

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argentdandelion · 4 years

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The Multiverse is Terrifying: The Sans Suffering Rule

Sans doesn't have that problem, and that's a very bad thing.

The Undertale fandom has many, many works and concepts that alter the premise of the game itself. These are, loosely speaking, “AUs”, and they are so numerous in the fandom they’re practically synonymous with “Undertale fan work”. Sans is very popular across every part of the fandom, to the point many of AUs feature or even focus on Sans. He also has countless variations, outnumbering that of other characters. Indeed, it seems he’s the only character that exists in some “AUs”, and all the works the author can recall, only one doesn’t feature Sans, or an imitation or variant thereof.

Within the scope of Sans-centric work, it’s popular to have canon Sans (“Classic”) interacting with versions of himself from other timelines or universes, such as through Sans having a special machine or power that lets him travel to timelines or other universes.

If Sans were to become very familiar with the number, breadth, and details of AU Sanses and their worlds, he would conclude he’s very special and important, in a cosmic sense. And if that happened....the implications would be very, very bad.

Section 2: His suffering is disproportionate to his own lifespan.

Firstly, it is very common to make him suffer, and his suffering (averaged across popular fanworks/AUs) is disproportionate to his own lifespan, assuming he’s much younger the Asgore, Toriel, and Gerson. The ancient war veterans have lived for so long that there are many more opportunities to change the timeline within their own lives, necessarily splitting off into unique or severe suffering scenarios. Importantly, Toriel can die in many timelines, and Asgore dies in every timeline but one. (Gerson, strangely, cannot die in any canon timeline.)

Still, although people could show Asgore discovering the human killed Toriel or vice versa, and Gerson finding out the human killed Toriel or Undyne, the former is rare and the latter is unheard of. Indeed, as Asgore seems oblivious to the human’s murder spree in canon, he doesn’t face much suffering until the point he is killed in one hit.

Section 3: Sans often suffers in especially severe ways by his works’ standards.

Not only is he very popular, but it is very common to make him suffer, and frequently in ways that are unique or especially severe by the standards of the work.

Famously, his brother is often killed by a human. Although the overall number of murders in a Genocide Route is at least 101, and the human probably kills a bunch of people with close connections to later victims, the fanworks themselves don’t linger on this. Though fanworks could kill off the love interests of the RG01/RG02 and the Dogi pair, do so in horrific, prolonged ways, and make the survivor suffer, they rarely do.

In an Underfell variant (Papyrus vs. The Forces of LOVE), he’s abused by his own brother, he’s starving (PredatorTale/HorrorTale), is starving and also gets his eye ripped out and has a grotesque head injury (HorrorTale), he gets stuck in a state between life and death (AfterTale), he becomes an amalgamate with Papyrus (Sixbones)....

And he gets killed, over and over, even within ambiguous-canonical or more-or-less post-canonical works. (Canon Genocide timeline, Genocide timeline-based variants including AfterTale, and GlitchTale) Adding onto the special severity of suffering, Sans ends up having to kill a murderous or mass-murderous human in so many variants and repetitions.

Section 4. Sans Often Suffers in Unique Ways

Adding onto this, fanworks pile on extra-canonical (exaggerated mental health problems, Gaster Blaster transformation suffering) or ambiguous-canonical (e.g., Flowey Runs) types of suffering to Sans much more than anyone. After all, how many works show Flowey-Sans showdowns? How many works show him and only him (or W.D. Gaster and/or Papyrus with him) getting worn away by the resets and Flowey fights?

Additionally, across several works, he uniquely witnesses Papyrus dying first-hand (something ambiguous in canon), and picks up his scarf from the snow and cries. Only Monster Kid parallels this when witnessing Undyne get hit with a lethal blow, but they don’t actually see her turn to dust, and Monster Kid always survives afterwards. Through these things, Sans is further supported as cosmically special in his suffering.

Section 5. The Timeline Will Always Make a Sans (Eventually)

For Sans to exist, a timeline would need to allow for the decisions or phenomena that led to the point Sans could exist. Therefore, it seems that every universe will eventually conspire to create Sans, often using different methods to do so. It doesn’t matter whether he was made by resurrecting a human corpse, or by W.D. Gaster being his standard-issue father with a wife, or the same man creating him in a lab, or the same man (now a god) creating him from a black hole...he will practically always exist, in timelines that overlap with his probable creation time or not.

To be clear, a handful of works are exceptions to the trend. For example, InvertedFate actually has Sans doing slightly better than Canon Sans, nothing bad happens in LittleTale, and Sans doesn’t exist in Caretaker of the Ruins (probably because he wasn’t born yet).

Section 6: Implications

Were Sans to ever figure out the sheer breadth, commonness, severity, and uniqueness of his suffering across canon-associated and non-canon-associated timelines and universes, it would cause a lot of shock and existential terror. Any work where he doesn’t suffer a lot is an anomaly in an overall trend, or he doesn’t suffer there because he doesn’t exist there yet.

Importantly, though Flowey torments him in Flowey Runs, in some works Flowey (or his parallels) do not exist, don’t interact with Sans, or aren’t tormentors (Underfell). Therefore, since Flowey isn’t to blame in every variation, it would seem he is a favored plaything or a cruel god or gods.

Worse still, if Sans does not conclude he and all variations thereof are the playthings of deities...it is simply a natural rule of the universe, like water carving through rock, that Sans will eventually be created and suffer immensely and disproportionately. He cannot fight that, cannot argue against it, cannot befriend it.

It would have better for him to never visit other AUs at all.

If you liked this post, check out the post author's Patreon or Ko-Fi.

Reference

For reference, these are the AUs/fanworks the author considered, consciously or unconsciously, for this analysis. Some may be missing. Note that some don’t feature Sans, don’t feature canon-unusual levels of suffering, or don’t feature Sans yet.

Caretaker of the Ruins, LittleTale, PredatorTale, HorrorTale, Swap Out (Underswap), Kaitogirl’s Underfell (Underfell), Soulfell (Underfell), Papyrus vs. The Forces of LOVE (one chapter, fanfiction, Underfell), Handplates and Sixbones, Underlie, The Choice, Pulling a Tooth, Storyshift, InvertedFate, GlitchTale, TimeTale, ScrambleSaga, Entity Neo, Soul Dichromatism, We Need to Talk (Gasterblaster AU, though not for Sans specifically and not that focused on Sans), Spectrum (Gasterblaster AU), Trust/The Best Revenge (Gasterblaster AU), Fallen Flowers, The Anomaly (Post-Canon), They Say He Shattered (Post-Canon, Mixed Timelines), Time-Scar, Over the Void, Cost of Living, Heart and Soul, Chocoblook, Zombietale, Charatale, Mysterytale (Crossover), Unexpected Guests, Appreciate Your Bro Sans (actually happy Sans), Hard Mode, Ghost Switch, Growth Spurt AU, Deeperdown. Name the Fallen (Papyrus shouldn’t exist here; everything thinks he’s a human), Flowey is Not a Good Life Coach.

#Undertale #Analysis #Meta #Undertale AU #Undertale AUs #Undertale AU Comics #Sans Undertale #Sans the Skeleton #AU Sans #AU Sanses #Existential Terror

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koreaunderground · 3 years

Text

(2021/04/09) Anti-war activist visited by police after posting embarrassing AOC video

[thegrayzone.com][1]

[1]: <https://thegrayzone.com/2021/04/09/anti-war-activist-police-aoc-video/>

# Anti-war activist visited by police after posting embarrassing AOC video | The Grayzone

Max Blumenthal·April 9, 2021

9-11 minutes

* * *

#### An anti-war activist was visited by California Highway Patrol officers after posting video of Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s bumbling comments on Israel-Palestine. The action, which AOC denies triggering, was initiated by a call to US Capitol Police.

* * *

As he waited for a food delivery at his home in Los Angeles on April 8, Ryan Wentz, an anti-war activist and producer for the online viral program Soapbox, heard two men calling his name from over his front gate. When he approached, he realized they were not delivery drivers, but police officers flashing badges of the California Highway Patrol.

The cops informed Wentz that they had received a call from the Capitol Police, the federal law enforcement agency tasked with protecting the US Congress, about a tweet he had sent that allegedly threatened Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

Wentz told The Grayzone, “The officers said, ‘We got a warning about a sitting member of Congress. And it was because of your tweet, which tagged them in it.’ And then they just wouldn’t back down from this accusation that I threatened to kill her.”

> (1/X) I’m really shaken up right now. I was just visited by two plainclothes police officers from California Highway Patrol at my home. They said they came here on behalf of the Capitol Police and accused me of threatening [@AOC][2] on Twitter yesterday. This is provably false. [pic.twitter.com/NGR8KViy93][3] > > [2]: <https://twitter.com/AOC?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw> [3]: <https://t.co/NGR8KViy93>

— Human Rights Watch Watcher (@queeralamode) [April 8, 2021][4]

[4]: <https://twitter.com/queeralamode/status/1380284997785948162?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw>

The California Highway Patrol indicated on Twitter that it had acted on a call from Capitol Police.

_**Update:**_ A [spokesperson for AOC has denied to Intercept][5] reporter Ryan Grim that their office reported Wentz’s post, and has “asked Capitol Police to look into what happened here.”

[5]: <https://twitter.com/ryangrim/status/1380515841951797248?s=20>

The police visit Wentz received may have been [part of a wider trend][6] of post-January 6 law enforcement intervention in social media criticism of members of Congress.

[6]: <https://twitter.com/theoneronin1312/status/1380230580919484416>

> The CHP often assists in investigations at the request of allied agencies. Please contact the U.S. Capitol Police for additional information. > > — CHP Headquarters (@CHP_HQ) [April 9, 2021][7]

[7]: <https://twitter.com/CHP_HQ/status/1380337921086005249?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw>

Though AOC’s office has denied falsely informing Capitol Police of an online threat by Wentz, the Democratic congresswoman has in the past asked her supporters to report critics to social media censors.

Whoever called the police on Wentz furnished law enforcement with a patently false allegation, as he has never threatened violence against any member of Congress.

In the tweet that triggered the police action, Wentz merely posted video of AOC delivering a vapid and embarrassingly convoluted answer to a question about resolving the crisis in Israel-Palestine. Describing her answer as “incredibly underwhelming,” he let the congresswoman’s cringeworthy commentary speak for itself.

> On April 1, [@AOC][8] did a livestream with Michael Miller, the head of the Jewish Community Relations Council of New York. She was asked about “peace between Israelis and Palestinians.” > > [8]: <https://twitter.com/AOC?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw>

Her response was incredibly underwhelming, to say the very least: [pic.twitter.com/qHdwTy5pVO][9] > > [9]: <https://t.co/qHdwTy5pVO>

— Human Rights Watch Watcher (@queeralamode) [April 7, 2021][10]

[10]: <https://twitter.com/queeralamode/status/1379879392642408448?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw>

Asked by Michael S. Miller of the New York Jewish Community Relations Council about actions that could be taken to support movements towards peace between Jewish Israelis and Palestinians, AOC responded as follows:

> Earlier just now you and I were talking about the what and the how. And I think that when we talk about peace, centering people’s humanity, protecting people’s rights – it’s not just about the what and the end goal which actually gets a lot of focus, but I actually think it’s much more about the how, and the way we are coming together, and how we interpret that what, and how we act in, you know, the actions we take to get to that what. > > So what this really is about is a question more than anything else about process. And we really need to make sure that we are valuing a process where all parties are respected and have, you know, a lot of equal opportunity to really make sure we are negotiating in good faith, etcetera. That being said, you know, I think there’s just this one central issue of settlements, because if the what – if the what has been decided on as two state, then the action of settlements, it’s not the how to get to that what. > > And so, you know, I think that’s a central thing that, you know, we center. And that we value Jewish and rather, we value Israeli, uh, uh, uh, we value the safety and human rights of Israelis, we value the safety and human rights of Palestinians, in that process that is similar, and that is on equal footing. And so all of that is extremely important in that process.

The video that Wentz tweeted of AOC’s long-winded dodge of a fundamental question about resolving the Israeli occupation of Palestine prompted a flood of online mockery and contempt, mostly from leftist Twitter users. Many derided AOC as a careerist who had abandoned progressive causes like Palestinian liberation in order to curry favor with Democratic Party power brokers, while others ridiculed her meaningless word salad.

> This is a very easy issue for a leftist, why is AOC struggling? > > Isreal is an apartheid state that should be Defunded > > — Nick is a Fred Hampton Leftist 🥋 (@SocialistMMA) [April 7, 2021][11]

[11]: <https://twitter.com/SocialistMMA/status/1379905138601684995?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw>

> I'm incredibly impressed with [@AOC][12]'s Obama-like ability to fill large amounts of time with words while saying absolutely nothing. I challenge anyone to tell me what she just said. <https://t.co/hIkWTNR5Rp> > > [12]: <https://twitter.com/AOC?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw>

— Ali Abunimah (@AliAbunimah) [April 7, 2021][13]

[13]: <https://twitter.com/AliAbunimah/status/1379883635743059971?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw>

Within hours of the online pile-on, someone reported Wentz to the Capitol Police for tweeting the video that embarrassed AOC. Because Wentz does not provide any information about his personal identity in his public Twitter profile, the social media giant appeared to have provided his private details to federal law enforcement.

“Another weird thing is usually I would get a report [from Twitter],” Wentz said, “because I’ve gotten my tweets reported before. But I didn’t get any notification about this.”

AOC’s staff has previously appealed to social media censors to suppress online criticism. On February 4, 2021, her campaign sent a mass email to supporters asking them to “scan your social media to find posts with misleading information” about the congresswoman, and “use the built-in report feature to flag them for moderators.”

![][14]

[14]: https://i2.wp.com/thegrayzone.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/Screen-Shot-2021-04-09-at-12.30.18-AM.png?resize=1170%2C1067&ssl=1

Team AOC issued its appeal for supporters to police social media in response to right-wing mockery of a [dramatic livestream][15] in which AOC suggested that the mob which stormed the Capitol building on January 6 nearly assassinated her.

[15]: <https://www.instagram.com/tv/CKxlyx4g-Yb/?utm_source=ig_embed>

“I just hear these yells of ‘WHERE IS SHE? WHERE IS SHE?’” she recounted in the livestream. “This was the moment where I thought everything was over. I thought I was going to die.”

However, the source of the yells which had terrified AOC turned out to be a Capitol Police officer who had been dispatched to protect her. Further, the congresswoman’s office was located in the Cannon House Office Building, which had not been penetrated by any rioters on January 6.

Right-wing activists and other political foes of AOC [exploited these points][16] to launch a viral hashtag likening the congresswoman to Jussie Smollet, the actor who faked an attack on himself. After [attempting to challenge][17] her critics directly, AOC delegated her staff to dispatch its army of supporters to report critics en masse to Twitter and Facebook censors.

[16]: <https://nypost.com/2021/02/04/aoc-blasted-for-exaggerating-capitol-riot-experience/> [17]: <https://twitter.com/AOC/status/1357037568966217728>

Weeks earlier, podcaster Jimmy Dore had initiated a [“Force The Vote”][18] campaign to pressure AOC and fellow members of the progressive congressional “Squad” to withhold their votes for Rep. Nancy Pelosi as speaker of the House until Pelosi agreed to bring a bill for Medicare for All to the floor for a vote.

[18]: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrqTQd5rnwU>

In response to [incendiary criticism][19] from Dore for her refusal to buck centrist party leadership, AOC declared, “That’s not tone, that’s violence.”

[19]: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyAXpYPA7C4>

> RT: briebriejoy “15 million people have lost their employer-based health care in the middle of a global pandemic, and barely half of House Democrats support Medicare for All even though 88% of their constituents do. > > That’s violence.” [#ForceTheVote][20] <https://t.co/fSD8qwsINJ> > > [20]: <https://twitter.com/hashtag/ForceTheVote?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw>

— Jimmy Dore (@jimmy_dore) [January 2, 2021][21]

[21]: <https://twitter.com/jimmy_dore/status/1345275897704640512?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw>

According to Wentz, the police officers that visited him asked if he had any violent intent behind his tweet, then left. “If this was like a purely intimidation thing,” he reflected, “then I guess it did its job. It’s not comforting to be on the receiving end of that. But at the same time, they’re not going to shut the left up.”

Wentz’s disturbing encounter with law enforcement appears to be part of an emerging trend. On the same date law enforcement visited him, a Twitter user posted photos of alleged federal agents on their front lawn and claimed, “FBI just came by my house for a tweet to Ted Cruz.”

> FBI just came by my house for a tweet to Ted Cruz. [pic.twitter.com/cbwouoz4GC][22] > > [22]: <https://t.co/cbwouoz4GC>

— the1312ronin (@theoneronin1312) [April 8, 2021][23]

[23]: <https://twitter.com/theoneronin1312/status/1380230580919484416?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw>

#https://thegrayzone.com/2021/04/09/anti-war-activist-police-aoc-video/

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m-lesmxrales · 4 years

Text

Dear Beloved

Modern AU

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Warnings: alcohol

Summary: Who knew a bit of liquid courage could do you some good.

Words: 1.5k+

“Drink up.”

Your eyes shoot down to the glass in front of you, resting on the counter top. Your brows creasing in confusion, letting out a huff “What is it?” you grumble, placing your finger against the chilled glass, feeling the cool moisture emitting from it.

Tony pushes the glass closer to you “Alcohol.” He blinks, clearly not understanding your question. But knowing Tony he’s probably already three drinks in by now.

Leaning down against the granite counter you eye the bright liquids “Alcohol.” You mock him, earning a snicker from Natasha “I mean, what kind of drink is it?” A hand comes in, snatching the drink from in front of you, eyes following the hand.

He wasn’t necessarily wrong, almost everyone had at least one drink so far tonight. Yet, here you are without a single glass of alcohol in your system. You were sure Steve had had a beer or two by now—his rosy cheeks sort of giving it away— and besides, you’d need it.

You feel someone brush your arm, pulling your attention away from the counter “Maybe a little liquid courage wouldn’t hurt.” Natasha hums, taking your glass from in front of you, eyes set towards the living room.

You look over, peering at the other guests settled on the couches and floor. Then, you see her.

Wanda.

One of her legs hooked under the other, chin against her palm as she leans against the arm of the couch. Carol’s back is resting against her side, the back of her head against Wanda’s shoulder— obviously comfortable with her new found pillow. Wanda’s smiling, laughing at something Pepper had just said.

And you can’t stop the end of your lips from curling up at the sight before you. Watching your closet friends, formed family enjoy themselves.

Maybe Natasha was right. A bit of liquid courage could help.

You’d guess most of the group had caught on that you two had grown feelings for one another. Seemily having this pact on ushering either you or Wanda to make a move.

It’s not as though you two were strangers, having known each other for the last five years. If you two are pretty close, never sharing an uncomfortable moment. Always laughing at each others jokes, a few inside ones here and there. Subtly complementing one another, feeding each other a bit of food here and there, or how you’d buy each other sweets and pastries. Wanda somehow always having her arm hooked around yours whenever you were walking about.

The way you two looked at one another, the admiration in your eyes.

The little things. Always the ones you two never noticed, but everyone else sure did.

Maybe tonight was the night.

You grab the drink back from her, causing her to spill a tad as she lets out a ‘mm!’ wiping the bitter liquid from her chin. Tilting your head back, you quickly down the drink, nose scrunching at the burn in your throat “Shit-“ you groan.

“Not that much liquid courage.” Nat grumbles, side eyeing you, slightly upset that she didn’t have a chance to take another sip. “You said I was gonna need it.” You groan, throat a bit raw from alcohol, placing the glass back down. “Yeah, I meant tipsy, not plastered.” She retorts, using her elbow to playfully shove you.

“You make it seem like Y/N can’t hold their liquor.” Tony chimes in “The kid can drink, I’d say just as good as you.” He teases, gesturing his glass towards Natasha.

The red head huffs, turning her attention towards you now “And you said you don’t hold your hard liquor well.” You clear your throat, not really sure what to say the woman. Feeling her eyes glare into the side of your head, palm resting on the counter as she leans in for support. “So, you’ll drink with Tony, but not me?” She cocks her brow.

You can feel betrayal spewing from the woman.

“If I drink with you, I’ll die, I know that for a fact-“ You say, finally looking at her. “You won’t.“ She cuts you off.

“You probably will.” Sam chuckles as he walks into the kitchen.

Natasha shoots him a look, throwing her free hand up. “Just saying, you probably would-“ lips curling in the man shrugs his shoulders, before he grabs a cold beer from the fridge. “Won’t. You won’t, Y/N.” Natasha assures you—or at least trying— glaring at the man. Sam grins, holding a hand up in defense “It’s possible you won’t. But, why don’t we ask Barnes.” He points to the left, everyone’s attention diverting to the brunette. Bucky looks between the two, a pointed look set on his face.

“Is there not a chance Y/N will die?”

You watch quietly along with the rest of the group as the three converse, a smile forming, chuckle emitting from your throat at their bickering. The scene was almost like watching three toddlers bicker over who gets the top bunk.

Cute, playful and full of growing frustration.

—

“Coming?” Tony asks as he gets up from his seat next to you. You shake your head, humming in response, the third glass of alcohol was starting to kick in now. Nodding, he pats your shoulder and leans in “Why don’t you go give her a hand?” He tilts his head towards the kitchen before walking away.

You know exactly who he’s talking about.

You watch idly as the group crowds into the backyard, leaving the room in a calming silence. Something you started craving the longer the night went on. You loved them, but damn, they talk your ears off.

Only the sound of chips beings poured into a bowl can be heard now.

“You want some?” A voice cuts through the silence.

“Me?” You ask, pressing your finger to your chest. Wanda snickers, eyes still set on the bowl, adding a few more chips “Yeah, who else would I be asking?” She teases.

You get with a sigh, walking over to the kitchen isle, filling up the empty space next to Wanda “Well, since there’s no one else for you to share it with.” You coo, wiggling your brows as you place a chip in your mouth. She giggles, a smile spreading.

That damn smile.

Her laughter combined with that smile of hers, it’s fatal.

You can’t help but stare, corner of lip gently tugging up as you listen to it.

And you know for a fact that the kitchen lights aren’t helping. The hue only increasing her beauty. The lighter shades of brown in her hair shimmering and the pink growing on her cheeks evident now.

“You’re quiet today..” Wanda says, placing a chip in her mouth, now with a martini in hand as her eyes gently roam your features. You take a deep breath, holding it, because she’s not wrong. You’ve been quiet most of the night. Too deep in thought to actually fully enjoy yourself, despite the alcohol. Really, only enjoying the flavors it had to offer.

Letting out a breath, you’re eyes drift down the counter “Honestly, whatever Tony whipped up for me has me a pretty tired.” You sigh.

A synth beat begins to play from the speakers, the bass kicking in after a few seconds.

“Then” The brunette coos, hand traveling down your arm, other setting her martini down “let’s change that.” She grabs your hand, pulling you towards her.

You watch as her body grooves to the bass. Your own moving softly.

And you can’t help but notice how pretty she looks in such a simple outfit, her skinny 501‘s hugging her in all the right places, her white tee complementing them perfectly.

Or how the warmth of her perfume is so enticing. The hints of lily and citrus. Like waking up on Sunday morning after a Saturday night of making gentle love.

Wanda gradually stops dancing, her smile slowly fading as she notices your distant gaze “Hey..” she begins, brow creasing in “You ok?” she takes a step, hands coming to rest on your biceps. You watch as her emerald eyes search your features “I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink, Y/N.” Wanda snickers, hands stroking your arms.

“I don’t know what Tony gave you, but-”

Your hearing slowly fades, watching as her rosy lips continue to move.

You don’t even notice yourself reaching towards her. Your hands coming to her waist, fingers hooking onto her belt loops, pulling her closer.

So dazed that you don’t notice her arms wrapping around your shoulders. Her eyes locked onto yours as everything slows down. The rhythm of the music has seeming eased as well, the bass still pounding in the background.

And she’s not pulling away, her lids half closed, only pulling you closer. Noses now nudged together, you glance at her lips.

That’s all it takes—all you need, before your lips are pressed against hers.

She’s kissing you back. Her own soft ones moving against yours—the taste of raspberry, cranberry, tang of the lime and vodka hitting your buds—unhurried and passionate. Knowing that this is a moment that the two of you have been waiting for, craving. The warm feeling in your chest and stomach only confirming it.

The music picks up again, your tongue slips out a tad, gliding against her bottom lip.

Wanda hums in response, palm coming to rest on your chest as she pulls away, lips parting with a faint ‘pop’. You leaning forward, disliking the loss of her lips on yours. She lets out a chuckle, resting her forehead against yours before giving you a peck.

You let out a breath as you open your eyes. One you hadn’t realized you were holding. The corners of your lips tug upward, a goofy grin setting in that causes Wanda to giggle even more.

Purring, she looks into your eyes, thumb grazing over your bottom lip “Take me home.”

It’s not a question, nor a request. It’s an invitation.

One you’d never turn down.

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c4p3n · 3 years

Text

Control, Remedy

When I was about 80% of the way through Control, I turned on the option that allowed me to kill every enemy with a single bullet, and to never die. I am so glad I did.

The one sentence summary of mainstream reviews for Control is, roughly: "A beautiful game with an engrossing story, aesthetic, and characters...and the shooting is fine." I think that's true, but when you're playing a recent game where the shooting is just fine and everything else is so good, fine quickly turns to "in my way".

There is so much cool stuff to see and hear in Control. The Oldest House is a terrific maze of banal, mid-century modern offices that ooze with ominous otherworldly horrors. The premise of the Federal Bureau of Control leaves open the possibility of almost anything while building a believable explanation of why everything is so weird.

Then there is the combat. The idea of the Service Weapon is a cool one, but it isn't explored very deeply in the game. On the literal other hand, there are the telekinetic powers you get which let you grab stuff and throw it at people, use it as a shield and later on, fly. Throwing a huge chunk of concrete or a desk or another person at an enemy is satisfying every time. The sound is great and the devs were so smart to give you something to throw no matter what's around you. The main problem I have with the combat is twofold:

It draws me back into the menus too often for upgrades and mods that don't feel like big changes

As the game goes on, combat felt more and more like padding.

There isn't much to explain about the menus. I loved to pause and check the audio log or memo I had picked up to get another little piece of color about the world. I didn't like pausing to pick a different upgrade or try a different shooting style (pistol, submachine gun, sniper) in case it helped get me past an annoying enemy.

But when I say the combat feels like padding, I mean it is conspicuously getting in the way of the next cool area of The Oldest House or getting some more information. After about the halfway point, there aren’t even new types of enemies to fight.

And that’s fine, as long as you turn on One Shot God Mode. As cool as it feels to play a badass like Jesse Faden, it does not feel cool to get shot in the face by some guy who used to work on the HVAC. There’s a level called The Ashtray Maze that’s way too close to the end of the game. You know as soon as it starts that this is your special gamer treat. The developers give you a bunch of weaker enemies to crush. At this point in the game you would probably have no problem dispatching them but why chance it? One Shot God Mode baby.

If all that wasn’t enough reason to trivialize the shooting, here comes the "boss" fight to make my point for me. It’s more or less a gray box level where you do a short horde mode of all the enemies you’ve faced so far in the game. There’s no big bad that fights differently than any other enemy in the game. It’s just more of the same in a featureless level.

So why am I justifying this decision so much? I bought the game, I can play however I like. Well, there was still that nagging voice in the back of my head saying "You're not playing the real game. You're cheating." That's an old voice, from a younger me and a different time in video games. A time when my friends and I would play shooters and try to either beat each other or not drag our team down. That doesn't happen anymore. When I rarely play games with my busy friends who have children, we are still playing shooters. We are still talking about other games. But no one is blaming me when I miss a headshot. No one is checking to see what difficulty level I beat a game on. So I was finally able to tell that voice: "Yes I am cheating, and it is so much fun."

#video games #review #Control #Remedy

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louistomlinsoncouk · 4 years

Link

It’s 3:00 p.m. on a Saturday, and Louis Tomlinson is casually trying to catch cigarettes in his mouth.

Tyler Joe He’s standing on a Brooklyn sidewalk, killing time between shots of his Cosmopolitan photoshoot, in front of a friend who's about six feet away.

On Louis’ cue, Not-Louis throws a cigarette in the general direction of Louis' open mouth, the way high school boys do with Swedish Fish during lunch. He misses. Not-Louis tries again. Another miss. Then, on the third attempt, Not-Louis finally catches the cig, and he proceeds to light it and then immediately put it out when he’s called back to set.

As the oldest member of the mega-successful group formerly known as One Direction, Louis is about to embark on the solo career his bandmates Zayn Malik and Harry Styles got a two-year head-start on. His debut solo album Walls is set to come out at the end of this month. The sound is more soulful—less teen heartthrob, more grown-up man who isn't trying to get every teenage girl in the world to have a crush on him. He even looks more mature, in part because he's not trying to do the fluffy boy band hair anymore. Yeah, and he’s never felt more aware of how old he is.

“I’ve never been more conscious of my age, at 27,” he tells me a few hours later while sitting in on a couch in a now-empty photo studio, with perfect afternoon selfie light coming through the windows, still obviously nursing a hangover from the night before. “When you’re in your late 20s, you’re in a funny stage of your life—you haven’t been around for ages, but you’re also not young, you’re in this weird transitional stage," he goes on. "That’s been very apparent in my life, and I’m always trying to be as immature as I possibly fucking can now, to balance it all out. There’s only so much you can get away with for so long.”

No one would blame Louis for trying to reclaim a little bit of his youth while he still can. In the past four years, he’s faced enough change to turn him from a fresh-faced kid in a boy band to an adult with very real obstacles in his path. In 2016, he lost his mother to cancer. Three years later, his younger sister passed away from an accidental overdose.

In that same stretch of time, he saw the breakup of One Direction—excuse me, “hiatus,” not breakup. While his former bandmates were able to go on world tours and front fragrance campaigns for Gucci, he had serious reasons for delaying the release of his first album.

His new music reflects the grief of all the above. In the track “Two Of Us,” he vulnerably sings: “I know you'll be looking down, swear I'm gonna make you proud / I'll be living one life for the two of us.” But there’s still plenty of time spent on the idea of falling in love too.

These lyrics are more personal than the ones you find in the singles he released when he first left the band, before his solo career stalled due to all those personal reasons. Those early songs admittedly slapped, but didn’t really feel like him-him.

“I was making music to try to chase radio, and not really making the right decisions by me in terms of music,” he says.

“I respect the artists that I worked with and I respect the songs, absolutely, but in hindsight, it wasn't necessarily true to me.”

That’s part of why he’s stayed away from collaborations on Walls. He feels like he needs to create an image for himself separate from other people—there are, ahem, four very specific names that come to mind. “I've got to stand on my own two feet and say, ‘This is my identity. This is who I am as an artist,’” he says.

That said, the whole promoting-your-album-alone thing isn't exactly easy—especially when you're very used to doing this job as part of a unit. The interviews, the photoshoots, the studio sessions, the gigs, were all situations he could rely on his bandmates for in the past.

Like, say, if he showed up hungover to something (cough, cough), he could usually depend on Harry, Liam, Niall, or Zayn to be on their game. But now, it’s just him. The one thing that doesn’t feel different, though, are the fans, who have a reputation for being absolute die-hards.

“They’re still as manic and as crazy, in the best possible way,” he says. At a meet-and-greet recently, he met a girl who told him the first time she listened to a One Direction song, she was 11. Now, she’s 19 or 20, which means Louis has been a part of her life for roughly half of it. “That's a crazy concept," he continues. "I left that meet-and-greet thinking about the fact that she was still very young girl at 11, and there she was as an adult."

The fans have grown up, so has he, and so have the other guys he used to make music with. Now that they’re all older and doing their own things, Louis isn’t shy about the fact that they don’t talk all the time. Like any group of friends that come together as 16-year-olds, that relationship is going to look a lot different by the time you’re almost 30.

But it's not like he has anything bad to say about them. There’s no shade to throw accusing one member of the band of being Ringo Starr, the man who notoriously left The Beatles first. There's no wink-wink comments made about not knowing what to say to any of the other members if they were to run into each other, because their life is shrouded in “mystery” or something. (Although, to be fair, the topic of Zayn was generally avoided.)

“I think all the boys would agree with this. There's been moments in all of our lives where naturally some of us speak to others more than others,” he says. “I wouldn't say I’m closest to any of the boys. Recently, I’ve probably spoken to Liam 10 times as much as I spoke to the other lads. Six months ago, that was Niall.”

He’s also quick to say he’s not not down for a reunion. If he had to guess, he’d be the one to send the initial, “Alright boys, let’s do this,” kind of message. When they were in the band, he felt like he was the de facto team captain because he was the oldest.

But, if it were to happen, the music would have to be different. The songs were great, but they were definitely reflective of the fact that they were being performed by teenagers, and he’s careful to say that he’d want to pick up specifically where “Made In The A.M.” left off. Take that to mean whatever you want. Cue the conspiracy theories.

As for the timeline of when this would all go down? He’s not sure. Anything past 35 feels too late, but it’s hard to look too far forward when you’re trying to sneak in those last moments of being immature.

“Anything over 30 sounds fucking old to me right now,” he says.

#louis tomlinson #15jan20

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cloudfiles · 4 years

Text

☁ ˙ ∙ — — — 𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄 𝑺𝑨𝑻𝑼𝑹𝑫𝑨𝒀 !!! check the notes to see who is participating & send out a text to everyone. that being said , be patient when waiting for texts to arrive to your inbox. you’re getting some , we promise ! + you do not need to be doing the meme yourself to send stuff out to other muns. in fact , we’d love it if you did just that.

remember , you only need to reblog this post TODAY ( saturday ) in order to participate. however , you may answer or send out memes anytime throughout the week. * don’t reblog or like this post if you’re not apart of hqclouds.

disastrio's 'the pin list' text starters.

src : aurorasmemes. tw: nsfw, mention of abuse.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] u should know by now i’m not as much a complete person as i am several sitcom tropes stacked in an anxiety blanket

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] things that should not be present in making spaghetti and meatballs: sparks

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] things that were present when i was making spaghetti and meatballs two minutes ago: sparks

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] give it a good deep fry and it’ll make reddit front page

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] you piece of fuck

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i’m not making this up it’s a real post

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i just really don’t like the look of american hollywood boys apparently

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] quit trying to post porn [name]

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] what’s deeper than emotional? are you going to /fuck/ the house?

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i genuinely don’t know what i expected googling that thing but that was not it

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i legitimately don’t know how you’re expecting me to reply to this

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i’m setting up my bfu episode

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] u might finally be free of “[full name] fucks.”

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] plural of jerry’s is jerry'ses

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] you’re sharing so there’s a trail in case someone ( maybe yourself ) goes missing when ur backs are turned

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i have yet to whip out dicks young lady

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] lizard brayo

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] fuck the fuck off tunglr

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] what are Christmas goblins if not depression goblins with prettier aesthetics

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] we’re just two bitches trying to watch [actor] and then go to bed

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] maybe complaining is what gets it off.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] well yeah, it’s hard to knock on a door that doesn’t exist

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] murdered by demons is our go-to

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] we sound like the casting calls for the leads of the same gay cowboy movie

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] any blanket is a weighted blanket when u carry the weight of ur sins

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] We have some Amazing 🌈Bottoms🌈

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] [name] i am confiscating ur thumbstacks

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] YOUR HUBRIS BECAME YOUR DOWNFALL

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] what can i say i’m a sexual deviant and i can’t be stopped

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] the stars neglected me. they haven’t assigned me a fetish

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i’m pretty sure 'you are going to be the death of me’ was like. the disclaimer of this entire squad

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] swipe right if you dare!

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] but it tracks for the pachycephalosaurus

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] I SWEAR TO JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] this chat is going to give me an aneurysm

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] “fully automated luxury gay space communism” is the best tag i’ve ever seen

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] why don’t you have a stockpile of mothman memes

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i really do owe my life to the aesthetic

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] u coax the worst things out of my mouth and then [screenshot/save/pin] them to record my mistakes

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] ur not allowed to die its just the rules

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] you two are going to be the death of me

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] why are you paying for microsoft office in 2019

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] it’s nearly [zodiac] season, bitches

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i see your “will make content for rarepairs” and i raise you “will make content for pairs literally no one has ever considered and probably for a good reason”

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i was DOOMED and thus so are all of u

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i am going to snap your fingernails vertically in half

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] own that garbage

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] oh fuck that suck

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] we were building a desert set which was less exciting and more construct-y but it did lead to the following conversation: [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] guy walking in: chickenwire, huh. what’s gonna come out of that? [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] me: quicksand

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] viva la resistance motherfuckers

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] well the ass and the face are the most disturbing part

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] it was still very much about the shape of his teeth

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] a real whoosy boi

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] if i suffer y'all suffer that’s the rules

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] also icb ur liveblogging your crime

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] granted i do still want the [body part(s)] to be attached to the person and not just laying around somewhere

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i’m gonna go with “have repressed all memories of this by tomorrow and even looking at this conversation for context isn’t going to provide us with information”

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] … Well if u ever commit a crime and need to change ur hair ur all set

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] oh god i’d completely forgotten about the teeth conversation

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] something about that ass Haunts me

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] [name]’s teeth are,,,,,,, h*t

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] ur not late, any time is a good time to hate capitalism

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] oh shit [name]s pulling out the big guns

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] listen as far as the things you could come back to go i think this is a good one

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] Amateur theatre energy is alarmingly similar to redneck ingenuity energy

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] threat acknowledged

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i take it back i don’t want any more information

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] what do we say to the god of baby germs

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] and then Goth happened

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] turn everything into a photishooot

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] but u also would have got pictures of me depositing the tiger in the cow shed

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i feel like you constantly forget that i’m always full of Good Points

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] you want to punish urself by seeking unhealthy relationships. also the stars say u may want to have ur feet fucked

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] “white orc sex slave” is not a phrase i thought i’d hear today

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] yeah raw sexual energy

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] [name] perks up at the mention of lying to the fbi lmao

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] yall are dumb and i love u

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] HOW CRYPTID IS THE COWBOY IF U CAN TELL HE’S INDIFFERENT

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] [image file saying 'mothman respects your position but must express his dissent. also you’re going to die.]

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] …do i need to make the vampire joke

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] ur amazing and so good and so important and lowkey i’m crying abt how much i love u and u deserve every good thing i love u thanks for coming to my ted talk

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] look me in the eyes and tell me steve wouldn’t crawl up thanos’s butthole to save the world and get bucky back

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] [name] i am going to choke you

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] my brain was immediately with “she took the shirt off to wipe away the blood of someone, possibly someone she murdered, and then had to put the shirt back on

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i literally never know what i’m going to come back to when i open this chat

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i make no excuses for who i am as a person

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i am going to jump off the edge of the earth. [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] and that’s not me saying flat earthers are right that’s me saying i will flatten it myself and then jump off

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i’m trying to show sympathy you fuck

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] what can i say, i’m an escapist bitch

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] i never want to see dick and clown in the same sentence ever again

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] oh fuck off. i don’t know what they’ve done but it’s [name] so it’s gonna be bad.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ] icb we have a test run on new year’s eve

#( meme day )

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dorovahkiin · 4 years

Text

SnK Theory (MANGA SPOILERS): Why I believe Historia’s pregnancy is fake.

Some time ago, I read this theory on Reddit that Historia’s pregnancy is fake. I thought it was an interesting idea, but the user didn’t elaborate that much, so I perceived it lacked evidence. However, I kept the idea in mind. Over the next chapters (and especially since the newest chapters so SPOILER ALERT) we actually did get subtle evidence that Historia’s pregnancy could be fake. At least that’s what I believe. Since I haven’t seen any decent explanation of the theory on the internet, I decided to do it myself. It will be very long, so grab a cup of tea Levi has just prepared for you and enjoy :)

And again, this will contain manga SPOILERS up to chapter 125.

You have been warned.

Before we actually start with the theory, we first need to summarize Zeke’s “secret plan” again. Just as reminder. Zeke’s secret plan was the following:

Rumble the world as deterrent in order to protect Paradis for the next 50 years

Raise the military strength to a global level in this time until rumbling is no longer needed

Chapter 107

…And finally….

In order to maintain the rumbling a founding Titan and a Titan with royal blood is always required. Since titan shifters die after 13 years, you'll need several candidates of royal blood. Passing the titan-power down from generation to generation. Since there are only two persons of royal blood left alive (as far as we know), who are Zeke and Historia, they'd need to reproduce in order to make the plan happen.

Chapter 107

…When reading this the first time, I already thought that something was wrong…

This plan is way too risky, has too many incalculable factors and too many holes. But that’s another topic. Anyways, in the latest chapters it turned out that Zeke was fooling everyone and hid his true intentions:

He wanted to use the founding titan in order to make contact with Ymir. Then he wanted to command her to take away the Eldian’s ability to reproduce. Just in a matter of decades, the Eldian race would extinct without any more casualties and the world would be at peace (until new conflicts arise e.g. nuclear weapons lol). I guess the reason for not telling the truth was because the Eldians would have never agreed to that. Maybe there were more reasons, but that’s what came into my mind.

Chapter 122

Anyways, Zeke did not tell his true intentions. He made up this fake plan to get to Paradis and to manipulate and deceive everyone so he could get in contact with the founding Titan (Eren) in order to make his true plan come to reality.

Back to chapter 107. When Hanji reacts to Zeke’s fake plan, she seems to be conflicted and not happy about it. She doesn’t like the imagination of enslaving Historia (or anyone) into a breeding machine because of her royal blood only to be eaten soon. Again and again.

(Side note: Why the fuck does Historia have to reproduce and not Zeke? Because Historia offered it first or what? In Zeke’s remaining year he is able to reproduce more than Historia in a lifetime. Histora can only bear once a year whereas Zeke could father hundreds of children a year. Why didn’t anyone consider this in the assembly?!)

…Hanji’s reaction to Zeke’s fake plan is the following:

“Will it really end in 50 years…?

No matter what else might be developed, the earth-shaking is an immensely powerful weapon…

If we must depend on it, the danger of assassination would follow these heirs to the royal family down through the generations…

From parent to child, just like the Reiss family…

Again…

…And again…

…Does that mean we should leave our children in a lose-lose situation?

Just because it saves us now…

Of course not. There’s no way this could be allowed. And yet.”

Chapter 107

I guess Hanji wanted to say something like: “And yet what other options do we have?” or something like that.

However, this tells us that Hanji has:

Doubts about Zeke’s plan (probably doesn’t trust him anyways)

Doesn’t like the idea of using anyone as breeding machine, feeding people to titans regularly and putting future generations in danger

But she also doesn’t know any alternative at this point. So what options does she have?

Either accept the plan or reject the plan. If she wants to keep the allies (and she has to keep them because otherwise they are screwed at that point), she has to agree to that plan. In other words she cannot openly reject it because otherwise they will lose the allies. She has to play along. On the other hand, she doesn’t like and trust the plan for the reasons above. Therefore both options are a choose between the devil and the deep blue sea and Hanji knows that. Especially because the allies want an answer immediately because Zeke doesn’t have much time left to live.

HOWEVER. There is a third option nobody mentions: Gaining more time in order to think about new ideas to solve this madness by BLUFFING. To be more clear: Historia has to pretend to be pregnant. Fake pregnancy.

By doing so you would not only save Histora from turning into a breeding machine, but the allies would also keep being allies and think everything is fine. At least for some time. And Hanji needs the time to come up with a better plan.

Maybe you remember, but Eren initially said that he doesn’t like Zeke’s plan and they should instead think of other options and Hanji kinda agreed as she later states “We haven’t found another way out yet”:

Chapter 107

(Sidenote: It’s interesting because what Eren says now is quite the opposite of what he said in those panel about NOT destroying the world. I guess he changes his mind? lol)

Furthermore a (fake) pregnancy would save Historia from turning into a titan (at least for nine months, but that’s buying time again). If you remember right other people wanted Historia to eat Zeke once he’d come to Paradis. A (fake) pregnancy would hinder this because it’s too dangerous and there are too many unknown factors:

This is all from chapter 108

So now you might think: How is Historia able to fake pregnancy?

…Well that’s actually not as hard as you think if you plan it thoroughly:

Pregnancy suit. You don’t need ultra technology to tailor one.

Hanji is not only a skilled scientist, but also clever as fuck, in fact the most intelligent character in the series with Zeke. If you look at her statistics you’ll see that her Wits scores 10/10 and her Intelligence scores 11(!)/10.

I got this from Hanji’s Wiki article. You can also check the guidebook if you have it

…If anyone is able to fake Historia’s pregnancy it’s Hanji. In the past we’ve seen how many times her intelligence saved the Survey Corps’ and humanity’s ass. She’s not the new Survey Corps’ commander for nothing. She has bluffed and gambled a lot of times. Faking this pregnancy suits her past tactics.

Furthermore, in my opinion Hanji acted way too average so far. She didn’t really have any moments to shine and to prove how smart she truly is. Because there is more behind what we have seen so far.

To make fake pregnancy successful, you'll need friends who help you. People you can trust obviously. Because otherwise it won't be easy to keep the farce for a long time. So who could be those people? I think next to Historia and Hanji there are at least three more people who are in on the secret. But before we'll take a look at those three persons in detail, we'll shift our look to the “at least” part:

Historia is a popular Queen and loved by the civilians. She saved Paradis from the Rod Reiss titan and she is of royal blood. There are probably a few of those civilians Historia trusts. For example a maid, a tailor, a doctor or a farmer. This would be helpful to fake the pregnancy.

(Sidenote: I don’t believe that Yelena would be THAT strict and want to see Historia’s naked belly. As proof. Not only because it’s disrespectful, but also because there’s no reason. Yelena wants Zeke to live as long as possible, so the pregnancy suits her plans well. And even if it’s fake it wouldn’t make a difference because a fake pregnancy would still mean that Zeke would live longer. So I guess she doesn’t really care because either option doesn’t destroy her goals. Furthermore, wanting to see Historia’s belly would imply Yelena doesn’t respect and trust her allies and that would deceive her appearances.)

I wondered if anyone of the 104th training corps would know about the fake pregnancy since they are close to Hanji and Historia, but I think they rather don’t (except for one person I will mention later). I mean it would not surprise me if they knew, but there is simply no reason for them to know because there is no advantage to it. And the more confidants you have the harder it is to keep a secret an actual secret.

Now, let’s move on to the three persons I believe are not only confidants, but also took a big part in plotting this farce:

Farmer-kun

Eren Jäger

Levi Ackermann

Let me explain.

1. Farmer-kun

So, the official version is that Farmer-kun is the father of Historia’s baby and her partner. When Nile and the MP dudes talk about it, they seem to assume that Farmer-kun and Historia are a romantic couple that didn’t get married for some reasons (this is already suspicious).

This is both from chapter 108

A lot of fans already do agree that Farmer-kun is not the father. It’s mainly the EreHisu shippers, but they do have a point here. Why would Historia choose this random guy as her partner and as the father of her child? It just seems too suspicious and too random for us readers, different from what we are used to regarding Isayama’s writing. We have to look at the big picture: What is Historia’s purpose in the story? Giving birth to a child she had with a random nobody no one cares about and keep being used as a political tool until the end?

That would be disappointing, especially because she had awesome development in the past (for example in the uprising arc).

I believe Isayama wants to fool us here.

Furthermore, it seems like Historia doesn’t even like this guy. Notice her face when she is around him. That’s not how you look at someone you love. She looks depressed and annoyed (I guess because she feels like a slave):

Chapter 108 and 107

I find this is veeery fishy. Let me present you an alternative that matches with the fake pregnancy theory. Look what Nile says in the picture above:

“He’s (Farmer-kun) been checked out. We know he’s no one’s pawn". Whereas Farmer-kun seems to be suspicious for us readers, he is not suspicious for the citizens or military. A random nobody without any reputation, influence or money. No one cares about him, no one knows him. Since he is a simple farmer and not a nobleman or military guy, he is neutral and not indebted to any important institution (“He is no one’s pawn”). There is nothing he can offer Historia (other than love), therefore no higher institution can manipulate Historia through him. I believe that is what Nile meant when he said “He is no one’s pawn”. This being said, for them Farmer-kun is not suspicious or dangerous at all. This would also mean they wouldn’t observe him that thoroughly as if he were a man of higher status. They probably rather believe she chose him because of love which they find naive, but accept it.

Because of those reasons, Farmer-kun is the perfect candidate as cover-up fake father for a fake pregnancy. I believe he is an active part of the conspiracy.

Why helping her?

It is stated above that he used to throw rocks at her when they were children. And now he feels guilty about it, thus he works at her orphanage. Maybe he even has a crush on her. And she saved him and everyone else from that Rod Reiss titan and became his Queen. In this case it makes sense why he would help. He is indebted to Historia and that’s why she can trust him that he will play along.

Chapter 107

…I believe that his statement: “You need to take better care of yourself” is just another phrase that is supposed to fool us. At first sight you might think okay, he says this because she is pregnant and he wants her to take care of herself and the baby. But I think at this moment, the phrase doesn’t make any sense if you understand it that way. It would make sense if Historia just did something dangerous that could harm the baby and herself, for example drinking or doing heavy physical work. But she is just sitting outside literally doing nothing. It’s not harmful at all. So why would he say this in a moment like that? Out of nowhere?!

Consider another point of view: She is sitting outside. People can spot and observe her easily. If she doesn’t pay attention for a moment, she could do something stupid that reveals that her pregnancy is fake and if anyone is watching she has a problem. So I believe by that phrase Farmer-kun meant that she shouldn’t do anything suspicious and therefore take care.

That’s also why he wants her to come in. Because then nobody could observe and approach her easily.

…Now, let’s move on to the next person I believe is a confidant:

2) Eren Jäger

I already inclined Eren as confidant before, but let’s go more into detail.

The first argument why Eren is a confidant is an easy one: He knows the future through the power of the attack titan, therefore it’s inevitable that he might know anyways. We learned this in chapter 121 (that was a real wtf moment for me by the way):

Chapter 121

Now the question is: If he knew about a fake pregnancy anyways, why would he play along with it?

Eren might be a bit crazy right now and the fandom is arguing about his actions at the moment, but it’s fact that he cares for Historia. In chapter 106 Eren revealed that he can control Titans by touching a Titan with royal blood, which he experienced by touching Dina Fritz. When Levi asked why Eren hid this important fact, Eren replied that he did it because he wanted to protect Historia. His theory was only an assumption anyways. Eren hates the thought of Historia becoming a titan. And I strongly believe he would also hate it if she is being used as breeding machine (just like Hanji’s opinion). That would enslave her. And there is nothing Eren hates more than being enslaved.

Chapter 106

Furthermore, since we now know Eren’s true intentions (revealed in chapter 123), it should be clear that Eren wasn’t planning on playing along with Zeke’s plan anyways. Neither Zeke’s fake plan, nor Zeke’s real plan.

Chapter 123

Eren’s true intention is it to destroy the outside world in order to protect his people and his home. We’ll not discuss about this intention itself, that would be another subject.

Since chapter 125 we know that Eren’s true plan was not spontaneous, but long planned out. Floch confirms that and even reveals Eren told him about his true plan 10 months(!) ago.

Chapter 125

Because Eren was never willing to conduct any of Zeke’s plans anyways, he knew it would also be useless to force Historia into pregnancy. For is own objection Historia being pregnant wouldn’t do anything (Imo the Ymir reincarnation theory doesn't make sense). A fake pregnancy would be much more convenient:

By this the allies would be content but deceived and Historia is protected. Again a reminder: I believe Eren truly cares for Historia. Not in a romantic way (though this is up to interpretation), but as a friend.

Anyways. In order to make Eren’s true plan happening, Eren had to fool both Zeke and his friends. He couldn’t reveal his true intentions. Both Zeke and Eren’s friends wouldn’t second this plan for obvious reasons. Since he told Floch (and maybe some other Jägerists?) though, Floch also could have known about the fake pregnancy and supported it to deceive the allies. So in order to get Ymir’s power to destroy the world Eren had to betray everyone (besides fucking Floch). This having in mind is important for my next point.

Look at this scene (I cut it down to the most important bits):

This is all from chapter 107

…This happens after the rumbling in Marley and Hanji is disappointed by Eren, who acted on his own. Again, Eren did this in order to fulfill his own secret intention he told no one about for the reasons I stated above.

(Sidenote: The last picture his interesting. You see Eren’s desperation. I think he wanted to avoid his final objective, but didn’t see any other way at this point anymore. He is very conflicted and shows that to Hanji. Since Hanji doesn’t understand him and doesn’t trust him any longer, she thinks he is a bit crazy in my opinion.)

As Hanji points out, through his rushed actions Eren put both Paradis and Historia in trouble. Why? I believe we don’t have proper explanation, so this is my own interpretation: The Survey Corps’ main point of attacking Liberio was - next to taking Eren and Zeke with them - to destroy Marley’s naval fleet since Marley kept sending military ships to Paradis. Eren however took it too far. He not only wanted to get the Warhammer Titan in addition, but he also wanted to demonstrate strength to deliver the message: “See what happens if you mess up with me, so fuck you and beware”. He started his attack at the peak of Willy’s speech, so choosing this exact instant of time which would create the most drama confirms that the demonstration/propaganda of power was a crucial part of Eren’s intention. By this he killed a lot of civilians. People like Floch don’t care about this, but people like Hanji, Levi or Jean were clearly against it, which would also mean they didn’t like the idea of rumbling the shit out of the world in the first place just like Zeke’s fake plan suggested.

Furthermore, through Eren’s brutal strategy, the world had now another huge and illustrated reason to be afraid of the Eldians of Paradis. Important people of the whole world were present after all. This fear leads to hate, and this hate leads to the decision to fight against Paradis more than ever in order to get rid of the threat. So in short words, even if a country was still conflicted about Paradis, Eren’s action helped them to decide to fight Paradis as they witnessed Eren’s brutality at first hand. But the consequence of this is that not only Marley but also the rest of the world would take actions against Paradis earlier than initially planned. That’s why it stole Paradis precious time to think of other ways. Ways to not only end the whole conflict, but also to protect Historia from Zeke’s shitty secret fake plan. The fake pregnancy is only a temporary solution you cannot maintain forever after all. This scene shows that they haven’t found another solution yet (besides Eren and his genocide plan lol), and you can feel the pressure and the desperation.

Hanji reproaching: “I always knew that you wouldn’t sacrifice Historia” and “Do you not care about what happens to Historia now?” shows us that:

Hanji cares about Historia and wants to protect her

Eren cares about Historia (or at least he did in the past, but I believe he still does. He also evades Hanji’s question which confirms that thought)

Eren and Hanji must have discussed about Historia’s fate in the past. I believe they came up with the idea of faking the pregnancy as temporary solution to protect her, but since time is running out now they have a problem and haven’t come up with another way to protect Historia in the long term yet (at least Hanji doesn’t). This scene illustrates that conflict pretty well.

Before we’ll finally move on to the third confidant, let me just shortly summarize why I believe Eren is not the father if the pregnancy were real. I know a lot of fans believe in that theory. It is actually not THAT far-fetched, but it has too many holes. These are the most important holes in my opinion:

Eren has only a few more years left to live. Historia can only bear a child once a year and according to Zeke’s plan she has to bear as many children as possible. Why choosing a titan shifter as dad who dies soon? That means Historia needed another partner for making children with once Eren died in the near future. I don’t see the advantage for having several men as dads. It’s rather annoying, especially for Historia.

When Historia is “pregnant”, Eren is already in Marley. When was he supposed to impregnate her? How when he was in Marley? Did he swim back to Paradis only to father a child or what?! Check chapter 123 again. Some people believe that he could have done it before he went to Marley in the first place, but I do not believe this because in 123 Eren didn't seem to care about Hisu romance at all

Eren was the first person who wanted to protect Historia from becoming a titan and a breeding machine. Furthermore, he doesn’t want to follow Zeke’s plan anyways. Then why should he be the first idiot who wanted to impregnate her? He is not the type of man who wants to have an excuse to hit. That’s not what Eren is like.

And that is my personal interpretation: In my opinion Eren and Historia never showed any romantic feelings/interactions towards each other. People can have a strong emotional bond without wanting to bang each other! We did have evidence they care for each other, but there was not one singe romantic evidence. And if it happened off screen then it would be really meh imo. When it comes to the final panel I think the man is Grisha. Furthermore, Eren has other problems to deal with right now. Starting a relationship and becoming a dad wouldn’t be a good timing at all. I think that’s why he doesn’t have the desire for it at the moment either. But again, this is only my own interpretation.

People think Eren is the father because they reckon he is the hooded figure in that one scene. There is a good chance the hooded figure is Eren, but there are more candidates imo (and why would that be a proof of him being the father anyways?!)

Don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about this important scene.

It will be discussed very soon.

…This chapter is done. Let’s move on to the third confidant:

3) Levi Ackermann

According to my theory, Hanji is the main actor and plotter. Nothing against Historia, but I believe Historia is not smart enough to fake pregnancy all by herself (she is a great actress though).

Anyway, what does Levi have to do with all of this? Well, A LOT.

Levi and Hanji are very close comrades. They are not only great friends, but have proven to be a perfect team in the past when it came to plotting (for example in the uprising arc). They rant at each other all the time, but when it comes to serious matters, they always act in concert. They know each other horrifyingly well and trust each other. I mean look, they are even able to read each other’s mind :D

Chapter 106

This is one reason why I believe Levi took part in that. Hanji wouldn’t have done this without at least talking to Levi about it. But that’s not enough evidence. Levi is not Hanji’s puppy, but a human being with his own opinions. So let’s go deeper…

We already talked about the flashback in chapter 106 where Eren reveals that he can control Titans by touching a Titan with royal blood, which he experienced by touching Dina Fritz. We already discussed Eren’s role in this.

Now, let’s focus on Levi in this scene of chapter 106:

Chapter 106

…Levi is pissed that Eren withheld this important information. When Eren reveals his reason Levi simply replies: “We’ll talk about THAT later”.

This happened before the time skip, but we NEVER saw this “We’ll talk about THAT later” conversation between Levi and Eren. Did Isayama not include that scene because he thought it was irrelevant?

Absolutely not. We were just not supposed to know yet. Also, in my opinion Levi and Eren had very little screen-time together since chapter 91. Suspiciously little. I believe we’ll see those scenes soon though. Again, we were just not supposed to see these yet.

Now the question is, would Levi agree to the plan of faking Historia’s pregnancy?

We don’t have proof yet and this is only my own interpretation, but I believe yes, absolutely:

If you really know Levi, you also know that deep inside he is not that bitchy cold ass he seems to be on the outside. He is a selfless person with a big heart who hates casualties. He is a man who deeply cares for individuals.

His relationship with Historia might be a bit strained due to past incidents, but I still believe that he truly cares for her (not shipping here, just to be clear !!!).

Remember when Historia established the orphanage? Levi was helping her a lot with it:

Chapter 70

…I believe he wants to avoid that Historia becomes a breeding machine or turn into a titan. Because he cares for her personally.

HOWEVER… Levi’s biggest goal is it to save humanity and he puts that goal above individual sacrifices. He hates it like nobody else, but that is still what he thinks is the right way. For example when he asked Historia to become Queen. He thought it was the right way, even if he treated her very harshly. For the sake of humanity. Because he didn’t see any other way and because it was Erwin’s idea in the first place. And Levi trusts Erwin. So I believe even if Levi would hate it and even if he cares for Historia, he would still be agreeing to the plan of her turning into a titan and becoming a breeding machine. BUT ONLY if he absolutely didn’t see any other way and if Historia did it by free will. And that’s the point. Faking the pregnancy is a temporary solution and a gamble that gives some time to think about new ways. And gambling is the Survey Corps’ way.

…But the even bigger point is that this is Zeke’s plan we’re talking about in the first place…

We have seen Hanji’s reaction to Zeke’s “secret plan” and her being conflicted about it, but we haven’t seen Levi’s thoughts. Even if he is not as smart as Hanji, I’m sure even he was conflicted about the plan and saw the holes. Furthermore, Levi HATES Zeke. He wants to kill him. Zeke is the last person Levi would trust. I mean if this “secret plan” were Erwin’s idea, things would have been different.

But it’s fucking Zeke Jäger.

I’m sure Hanji talked to Levi about her concerns. So even if Levi didn’t have any doubts in the first place (I believe he did though), Hanji would have told him. And Levi trusts Hanji. As I said before, they are a dream-team. That’s why I believe he agreed to that farce. Also as far as I remember, we didn’t have many (or even any?) scenes with Levi and Hanji discussing anything alone since chapter 91. This is suspicious in my opinion. Moreover, there is a reason why Isayama removed Hanji and Levi from the plot since chapter 115. I don’t believe they are dead by the way. At the moment we are just hoping for them to be alive, but we totally forget that they could have been involved in some big act. Our worries for them distract this important fact.

(125 UPDATE: My babies are alive I’m so fucking happy!)

Onto the next point. There is a good chance the hooded figure is Eren, but I believe the hooded figure is either Hanji Levi, though I tend more to Levi.

Let’s have a look:

Chapter 108

…Most people say this is Eren because of the jacket, but it’s not the same jacket. Eren’s jacket is way darker and fully inked, this is not. (Check it yourself by looking at the one Eren pic above). Actually, the jacket doesn’t say anything. If the person is hooded, he or she doesn’t want to be identified that easily. Furthermore, it is obvious that this person plays an important role and that Isayama is hiding something from us. The jacket itself is not important though. It’s just a random and ordinary jacket you can get anywhere in order to hide your identity. Of course the person wouldn’t appear in the clothes we know him or her. That would spoil everything for us. Moreover look, a lot of people have a jacket that looks similar, not only Eren does:

Chapter 53

…So the jacket itself doesn’t reveal anything…

Then who is the hooded figure? Now since I believe Levi is plotting with Hanji they were the ones who advised Historia and one of them is the hooded figure. If it were Eren, why would he visit Hisu being hooded since he visited her in his casual clothes many times before? We know they regularly meet and touch to trigger memories as Jean confirms it in chapter 70:

Chapter 70

Levi and Hanji however are high ranked individuals who are not that close to Hisu, so it makes more sense to hide their identity. Nobody is suspicous when Eren visits Hisu since they are friends, Hanji and Levi on the other side...

I tend to think the hooded figure is Levi because the person looks small and second…

…Notice the hands. They’re inside the pockets. Levi is a person who puts his hands inside his pockets A LOT. More than any other character. Just observe a few pictures of him and you’ll see. If you’re too lazy to research yourself, I provided a few examples for you:

…There you have it…

I wouldn’t be surprised if Isayama put this little hint in here, since he always likes to put little hints every now and then.

The MPs and some others believe it’s Yelena, but I think that’s not true. If it were her, Isayama wouldn’t have presented us the right answer right away. And she is too tall. So nahh.

Chapter 108

Remember what the MPs said about the hooded figure:

“Someone must have informed the Queen. They told her the corps wanted to feed Zeke to her as soon as they could. But if she got pregnant, she wouldn’t have to become a titan until after she gave birth. Someone gave her that advice”

This implies that the hooded figure knew what the corps wanted early on and Levi is one of them, so he knew. But I believe just as Hanji and Eren he secretly didn’t agree forcing Historia to eat Zeke straight away (instead faking pregnancy to buy more time to think of other solutions), because he cares for Historia and prefers to leave the choice to her. The next scene proves that:

Chapter 112

Since to Levi Zeke is more suspicious than ever in this situation, Levi decides that it’s inevitable to get rid of him and to feed him now. But instead of insisting Historia to eat him instantly, Levi suggests a Jägerist to take on the temporary role. Because he wants to protect Historia and doesn’t want to put her in danger if it’s avoidable.

Also, him saying: “Then, if Historia’s prepared like she says she is, we’ll feed the titan to her next” implies that he is not pushing Historia, but instead leaves the final choice to her. This also matches with the advice of the hooded figure to wait until “birth”.

Furthermore this explains Historia’s gloomy mood because she knows that a horrible fate awaits her (and she is ready to take it) if they can’t think of another option very soon.

I know Levi says: “Once she gives birth in a few months” implying she is actually pregnant, but of course he can’t tell them that it’s fake therefore he’s lying.

…So what do you do after nine months when you’re faking pregnancy, but there is no child? That’s not that hard. A miscarriage or a dead born baby happens occasionally. It wouldn’t be suspicious to state that as excuse when no child exists. If you do it in a clever way, it’s not a problem.

The real problem is what to do afterwards if you don’t have a new plan? I mean that’s the situation right now, they haven’t come up with anything yet…

But since we now know that Zeke’s secret plan was fake all the way, the whole thing doesn’t make any sense anymore anyways. Besides, Eren revealed his true intention in chapter 123, everything has changed since then.

It will influence a lot of story-lines. I cannot wait to read what happens next.

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS LOOOOOONG ANALYSYS! ♥

I am aware that I still might be wrong because I cannot read Isayama’s mind and there is a lot of my own interpretation, but with this theory I just want to provide a different idea :)

Have a nice day and never forget to SHINZOU WO SASAGEYO!!!!

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lovemychoices · 5 years

Text

Always Be My Driver - A RoD Rom-Com Series [Colt x MC/Logan x MC]. CH 1

Book : RIDE OR DIE

PAIRING : Colt x MC/ Logan x MC

SUMMARY: Emma and Colt have been childhood best friends since forever, they were both inseparable. In middle school they became something more but when Colt had to move with his mom away from LA all the way to Miami, things started to change between them. A small misunderstanding leads to the end of their relationship. 6 years later they meet again at the most unlikely place. Will Emma and Colt be able to mend what has been broken between them? Or will it continue to crash and burn?

Characters except my OCs belong to Pixelberry, I am just borrowing them

Word count : 6k++ Sorry!

Chapter Summary: To understand the future, you must first know the past.

A/N : I’m here to take you on another one of my roller coaster adventures! This time with a Ride or Die Rom-Com series. Also this is SORT of a peace offering for “you know what I did” in my Ride or Die - Playing with Fire series. P/s didn’t really have much time to do a full polish so like I apologize for the grammatical disaster.

As usual let me know if you want to be added or removed from the series tag list. Big shout out to @thecordoniandiaries and @client-327 for throwing ideas and listening to my ramblings.

WARNINGS ⚠️ : This series will contain a lot of Cheesy / Cliche Rom-Com moments. Oh, also might have some light NSFW scenes in the future, so if you read this series you acknowledge that you are above 18 Years of age.

PTL - @thecordoniandiaries @leelee10898 @ao719 @annekebbphotography @desiree-0816 @emceesynonymroll @jessiembruno @jlpplays1

RoD - @liamzigmichael4ever @client-327 @brightpinkpeppercorn @lovehugsandcandy @lilyofchoices @justdani14 @zaffrenotes @queenkaneko @princess-geek

Summer 2008.

It was the summer of 2008, Emma sauntered over to the neighborhood park grinning from ear to ear carrying the new skateboard she got for her 8th birthday. While her father initially didn’t think it was safe or if it was even appropriate for a girl , her mother didn’t agree. She said if a girl can learn self defense then she can learn how to ride a skateboard.

That summer was particularly hot but it didn’t stop her from practicing. She finally found a spot near the playground which had a flat pavement and was safe enough to practice. Emma puts on her helmet and fastened the strap. “Keep your feet angled, balance your body, find your momentum.” She murmured under her breath. “Here goes nothing.” Pushing her left feet off the ground gently and slowly putting it on the back of the board. “Woohoo!” Her 8 year old self howled. She loved the feeling of speed, the way the adrenaline rushes through her veins and how the wind blew her hair as she swiftly move across the pavement trying to keep her balance.

Emma’s skateboard soon starts to lose its momentum, she puts her push foot down using it as brake. She manages to stop without falling forward. “Success!” She beamed proudly.

“Well… Well.. Well.. Look what we have here.” A boy much older than her walks over accompanied by two others. “You know girls shouldn’t play with skateboards, you should give that to me instead at least I’ll actually know how to use it.” He sneered.

“Back off Billy, or else!” Emma warned, furrowing her brows at the boys, holding her skateboard tightly in her right arm.

“Or what?” Billy challenged then forcefully grabs the skateboard away from Emma. “Hey! Give that back!” Emma bellowed, jumping as high as she could, trying to grab her skateboard as Billy dangles it in the air out of her reach. The other two boys laughed as they watched.

“Hey Billy! Why don’t you pick on someone your own size!” A voice bellowed from behind.

“Make me Kaneko!” Billy challenged with a grin.

“Kick his butt, Colt!” Emma belted.

“You know Billy, you talk real big for a boy who still sleeps with the night light on.” Colt sneered with a smug look on his face, making the other boys laugh at the comment. Billy glared at them and they fell silent, he then turned back to Colt his nostrils flaring. “You’re dead Kaneko!”

“Don’t touch him!” Emma spat stepping on Billy’s foot then kicking him in the groin. “Ahh!” Billy yelped in pain falling to the pavement, curling his legs to his chest trying to stop the pain. The other boys quickly ran away leaving him behind.

Emma picked up her skateboard from the ground and sauntered over to Colt. “I could have taken him you know?” Colt said cocking an eyebrow with his arms folded. “And what did tell ya about going to the park alone? You know kids like Billy are always looking to pick a fight.”

“I’m sorry, I just really wanted to practice.” Emma apologize then gave Colt a curious look. “Hey, I thought you were going to spend time at your pops this weekend?”

Colt shrugged, his arms still folded. “Yeah, I thought so too. But I waited for an hour before he called and said he couldn’t make it.”

Emma placed a comforting hand on Colt’s shoulder. “I’m sorry Colt, I know how much you were looking forward to spending time with him.”

“It’s alright. At least now I get to help you practice on your skateboarding.” He gave a half smile.

“You should have seen me Colt! I remembered what you taught me. Keep your feet angle, balance your body, find your momentum.” She mentions proudly lifting her chin up. “I must have gone 100 miles per hour! So when can you teach me new tricks?”

Colt chuckled. “Slow down speed demon. Maybe we should work more on perfecting the basics first.”

“OK, fine!” She pouted. “Let’s got practice in front of my house.” Colt nodded in agreement and helped her carry her skateboard. The two left the park, stopping by the ice cream truck on their way home.

****

Warm summers were always accompanied by heavy thunderstorms. Emma lay on her bed wrapped in her blanket, she watched as the tree outside her bedroom window shook violent let against the strong wind. A bright flash of lightning illuminated the dark sky followed by the loud roaring sound of thunder not long after. The frighten 8 year old quickly hid under the covers and closed her eyes, praying for the loud noise to stop or at least for something to take her fear away, she hated thunderstorms. As if her prayers were answered she hears a familiar voice calling her.

Colt: Emma. Emma are you there? Over.

Emma quickly got out of the covers and takes the walkie-talkie from her bedside table.

Emma: Colt, I’m here! Over. Something wrong? Over

Colt : Just… I was bored and wanted to see if you were still awake that’s all. Why are you still awake anyway?

Colt knew how much the thunderstorms always scared her, but acted like he did know. When he really just wanted to check up on Emma if she was okay.

Emma: I can’t sleep. The storm... it’s scaring me.

Colt : Emma, You’re overthinking things again. Just turn the night light on and go to bed.

Emma : I can’t Colt, the storm is really scaring me. I think my house shook a little..

Colt : Emma I promise nothing bad is going to happen. Not while I’m around to protect you.

Emma : You promise?

Colt : Always. (He smiled)

Emma : (Chuckled) Could you.. Could you at least sing me our song? It would really help me forget all the scary stuff going on outside.

Colt : I’m not going to sing to you Emma, just forget it and try to get some sleep OK?

Emma : Pretty please, Colt? Just one and I promise I’ll go to bed.

Colt was relentless for a minute then rolls his eyes.

Colt: Alright fine! But only this one time.

Emma : (Giggled) You’re the best Colt!

‘’The things I do for you Em.” Colt murmured under his breath. He heaved a sigh and started singing through the walkie- talkie.

Colt :

You with the sad eyes ,

Don't be discouraged, oh I realize

It's hard to take courage

In a world full of people

You can lose sight of it all

The darkness inside you

Can make you feel so small.

Show me a smile then

Don't be unhappy

Can't remember when

I last saw you laughing

This world makes you crazy

And you've taken all you can bear

Just call me up

'Cause I will always be there

And I see your true colors

Shining through

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors are beautiful

Like a rainbow...

Emma smiled on the other line as she listened to Colt’s soothing voice while he sang to her. And just like that, the lightning, the roaring thunder and the howling wind all faded away into the background as she drifted off to sleep.

Colt : Emma? Emma are you there?

Colt shook his head, a smile formed on his lips. “Sweet dreams Emma.” He murmured then placed the walkie talkie on the bedside, falling asleep not long after.

******

Spring 2012

“Ma, I’m home!” Colt announced himself. He had just came back from school and was looking forward to the weekend. He threw his backpack on the couch and sauntered over to the kitchen. “Ma are you here?” But the room was empty, he sees a yellow note placed on the kitchen counter and reads it.

Sorry I couldn’t be here on your birthday. I had to work overtime tonight, promise I’ll make it up to you tomorrow. There’s chicken lasagna in the fridge. Just heat it up when you’re hungry. Happy Birthday son!

Love,

Mom

Colt’s heaved a sigh, crumpling the note in his hand and threw it in the trashcan next to him. He opened the fridge and sees the lasagna, took it out and put it in the microwave. Once it was ready, he carefully took it out with some oven mitts and placed it on the dining table. He took off the mitts and sat on the chair watching the melted hot cheese sizzle in the blue Tupperware.

“Happy birthday, Colt.” He murmured to himself and dug his spoon into the lasagna. He looked at the quiet surroundings of his house and had never felt so alone. This was not how he thought he would spend his 13th birthday but at least the lasagna was good.

Ding Dong! The sound of the doorbell rang and kept ringing incessantly. Ding Dong! Ding Dong! Colt let out a loud growl giving an eye roll and got out from the chair. “I’m coming!” He belted. Christ! Who could it be? Please don’t let it be another annoying girl scout trying to sell her cookies.

He opened the door and there she was. “Happy birthday, Colt!” Emma beamed excitedly immediately jumping right at him wrapping her arms around him giving a huge hug. “Emma let go, your smothering me!” He whined trying to wiggle his way out. She lets out a cute giggling sound. “I’m not letting you go until you hug me back, those are the rules!”

Colt was reluctant at first but she always had a way of making him do things he normally wouldn’t want to do. His stiff hug slowly becomes relaxed as he embraced her touch, her warmth. It was like she could absorb all the sadness and anger that was building up inside him, that was all it took to make him feel like he wasn’t alone in this world. “Thank you, Em.” He murmured to her.

She pulled away smiling at him and the dimples on her cheeks showed. “Don’t thank me yet, there’s still a lot I have planned for you. Now common dinner is almost ready, my mom prepared your favorite.”

Colt, Emma and her parents sat at the dinner table enjoying their meal. Mrs. Park went all the way to make sure Colt had all his favorite dishes prepared. Most of them were Korean dishes like Bulgogi, Galbi, dubu kimchi and Samgyetang. The Parks would always invite him over for dinner and to stay over most of the time when his mom had to work the night shift. This made him grow up accustomed to the Korean cuisine, in some ways he had become an honorary family member of the Parks.

“This was all really good Mrs. Park, thank you for going through all that trouble I really appreciate it.” He smiled.

Mrs. Park gave Colts free hand a comforting squeeze and smiled warmly. “It was no trouble at all Colt, you’re family and family takes care of each other. No one gets left behind.” Colt replied with a grateful nod. “Now how about desert?” She asked. “Oh I’ll help get it!” Emma excitedly got up from her seat and ran to the kitchen, Mrs. Park shook her head and followed behind.

A little while later Emma enters from the Kitchen holding a simple decorated chocolate cake with bright candles. “Happy birthday to you.. Happy birthday to you…” Emma sang and her parents followed after. Colt’s face turned crimson red, he tried to hide a smile but couldn’t. Emma placed the cake on the table in front of him smiling. “You didn’t think I’d let you celebrate your birthday without any cake did you? Now make a wish a blow out the candles.”

Colt looked at Emma and smiled he knew exactly what he wanted to wish for. He closed his eyes and blew out all the candles on the cake. Emma clapped gleefully and gave him a hug. “Thank you Em, for always being there for me.” He murmured under his breath.”We’re in this together remember? You and me against the world.’’ Emma reminded him. She pulled apart and smiled back at him then turns to her dad and broaches a question she’s been waiting to ask. “Hey dad, I was wondering if you could give me some money?”

“Why?” Mr. Park cocked and eyebrow.

“It’s a Friday night and Colt’s birthday. I thought we could go to the mall play at the arcade,have some fun.”

“Hmmm..” Mr.Park reaches out for his back pocket taking out his wallet, he then hands Emma some money. “Here, now you two be sure to have fun and don’t come home too late.” He grinned.

*****

Spring 2014

In the 8th grade Riya hosted her first Boys-Girls Party at her parents' house. Colt leaned against the wall near the back corner folding his arms. He couldn’t believe Riya manage to talk him into coming. Him, a high-school freshman attending a middle school party.

3 days earlier.

It was after the third period, Colt was at his locker when. “Hey Colt!” Riya suddenly announced herself out of nowhere causing him to jump up startled. “Christ! Riya you almost gave me a heart attack!” He shudders then quickly composed himself and peered over Riya’s shoulder wondering if Emma was around too. When he didn’t see her, he turned his attention back to Riya. “What are you doing here Riya? Aren’t you supposed to be in your school?”

Riya chuckled. “I have fourth period off, I wanted to give you this.” She handed him a pink flyer. He takes the flyer from her hand, giving her a curious look. “A Boys-girls party?”

“Uh-huh!” She nodded with glee. “And you’re invited!”

“Why would I want to go to a middle school party? I’m in high school, I don’t really have time to babysit a bunch of middle-schoolers.”

“Because Em will be there.”

His eyes light up at the mention of her name but he tries to hide it behind his cool facade pretending like her name had no affect on him. Colt gave a half shrug then replied. “So what’s the big deal if she is?”

Riya folded her arms and cocked an eyebrow at him. “You really don’t care?” Colt just stares at her emotionless. Riya faked a sigh and takes the flyer away from Colt’s hand. “Fine, if you really don’t want to come.. Guess Em’s gonna have to kiss someone else at the party.”

“Wait what? Why would Emma kiss someone at the party?” He asked.

A small grin appeared on Riya lips, she knew those words would get to him. “Oh, I don’t know probably from playing 7 minutes of heaven? I mean, I could rig the game and put both your names together, I am the host after all. But since you’re not interested.. I’d probably have to choose some random guy at the party.”

Colt chewed the inside of his cheeks. He wasn’t gonna let Emma swap spit with some random guy, especially if it was going to be her first kiss. No, she deserves better, someone who wouldn’t just kiss and forget about her the next day. Or worse, what if she kisses someone and they liked each other. Colt cringed and shook his head at the thought. “Riya wait, I change my mind.” He said taking the flyer back from Riya. “Only because I don’t want some jerk taking advantage of Emma.”

“Sure… Whatever makes you sleep at night, Colt.” Riya grinned. “See you at the party!”

Present day

Riya stood on top of the coffee table trying to get everyone’s attention. “Okay everyone, time for the moment we’ve been waiting for. Here’s a little game of 7 minutes of heaven. I will start picking names at random once you have your partners please wait your turn.” She looked at Colt’s direction and gave him a smirk followed by a subtle wink. Riya began drawing names from the hats, and one by one people took their turn spending 7 minutes in the coat closet until finally it was Emma and Colt’s turn.

Seven minutes that’s how long they had. Emma stood in front of Colt feeling butterflies in her stomach, she wrapped both arms around her waist as if to stop the feeling.

Colt Had his eyes fixed to the ground with both hands in the pocket of his jeans trying to hide how sweaty his palms were while rocking back and forth on his heels.

Why did this have to be so awkward? They’ve been like this for two whole minutes, usually they’d have something to talk about but this? Finally Emma breaks the silence by broaching a question that has been on her mind since they enter the tiny coat closet. “Colt?” He tilts his head to look at her. “Yeah?”

“Do you.. Do you want to kiss me?”

Only since like the 8th grade.

“Do I? I mean do you want to kiss me too?” He stumbled over his words.

Yes! Of course I do you big dummy, I’ve been wanting to kiss you since I was 12! You know what this is going nowhere and you only have 4 minutes left Emma. Use it or lose it.

She couldn’t explain what happened next but the next thing she knew, she was leaning up and capturing Colt’s lips with hers, taking him by surprise. They pulled a part five seconds later looking into each others eyes, it was a quick kiss but it felt magical. Colt didn’t know what came over him after but it was like his confidence was suddenly boosted. He stepped closer to her an intense look in his eyes, his hands gently cupped her cheeks. “Emma, I’m going to kiss you again, if you’ll let me?”

****

Five days have passed since Emma and Colt had their first kiss. It felt magical in every single way that she was practically floating on cloud nine until the following day. That however ended quickly, Emma notice a slight change in Colt’s behavior, every time she tried to speak with him, he would find some excuse to leave in a hurry. It felt like he was avoiding her on on purpose and she didn’t know why.

“Do you think it was because I was a bad kisser?” Emma fretted about why Colt has been acting weird around her ever since their kiss at the party to Riya as they walked down the halls toward their math class. “I mean what if I am? What if that’s the reason he has been acting all weird?”

“Emma, your overthinking things again. Maybe he just had some stuff going on, teenage boys can be weird sometimes. Just have some faith and give him some time, he might surprise you.” Riya assured her. She knew the reason why Colt was acting the way he was, he texted her about it a few days ago. As if on que Emma’s phone buzzes.

Colt : Hey.. I was wondering if you wanted to do something on your birthday this weekend? Just the two of us?”

“Oh my God, it’s Colt!” She squealed. “He’s asking if I want to go out with him this weekend, just the two of us.”

“She what did I tell you, have some faith.” She smirked.

“Oh wait what do I reply?”

“Uh.. YES?”

Emma looked back at her phone, her fingers hovered over the screen. Thinking about what to reply then turned back to Riya. “Do you think it’s a date? I mean we’ve hung out just the two of us before a bunch of time but never on a date.”

Riya rolled her eyes and grabs Emma’s phone quickly typing a reply and hitting the send button before she could protest.

Emma : Pick me up at 4pm. It’s a date ;)

“There problem solved!” Riya said and passed the phone back to Emma. “So.. Do you have anything new to wear?”

****

Colt stood in front of the mirror, nervously practicing his speech. “Hey Emma..” No wait that’s no right. “Listen there’s something I need to tell you.” You can do better than that. He clears his throat before resuming. “Emma, we’ve been friends for a long time and I really like you. Like, Like you like you.” Shit! This shouldn’t be so hard, we’ve known each other since we were six.

“Colt are you ready?!” His mom called out from down stairs. “I’m coming Ma, just a minute!” He belted. He made some final adjustments to his hair then put on his navy blue varsity jacket. Before he left he took a small gift box from his desk and placed it in the pocket of his jacket. “You’ve got this.” He mumbled to himself.

***

The car ride all the way to Santa Monica Pier was awfully quiet, Colt and Emma sat next to each side of the car window. Colt would steal glances at Emma and quickly divert his eyes somewhere else when she turned his way.

Get yourself together Colt, this is Emma not some girl you just met.

“Okay kids, we’re here.” His mom informed them. “I’ll pick you up at nine, have fun you two.” Emma and Colt got out the car and walked towards the entrance of the amusement park, Colt had his hand in his pocket while Emma had her arms wrapped around her waist, both unsure who should start the conversation first.

Damn it Colt say something, it’s not like you knew the girl yesterday! He turned to look at Emma, she looked so pretty in her yellow color cold shoulder dress. “Is that a new?” He asked finally breaking the awkward silence. Emma raised an eyebrow at him, wondering what he meant. “Your dress, is it new? I’ve never seen you wear it before.”

Did he just notice my new dress? “Oh. I. Yeah I just got it for my birthday, not everyday you turn 14 right?” She snorted. “Is it too much?”

“What? No. It looks.” He fumbled with his words a bit. “You look really pretty in it. I mean not that you don’t look pretty without it, you’re pretty even without the dress.” Christ! Just shut up you're making it worse. “I mean you’re very pretty in general.” He could feel his face blush, his heart pounding, his hands started sweating from being nervous. What are you doing to me Em?

Emma lets out a soft chuckle. “You’re cute when you’re blushing, Colt. And thanks for the compliment. I’m actually glad you noticed.”

“I always notice things when it comes to you Em.” He smiled and her cheeks started to blush. “Now who looks who’s blushing.” He teased. Emma gave him a playful swat then hooks her arm in his. “So are you going to pay me compliments all day or are we going to have some fun on my birthday?”

Colt snorted. “You’re the birthday girl, what do you want to do first?”

Emma chose to go on the roller-coaster first, she always loved how fast they were. There was something about the feel of thrill and danger that she was attracted to. They played a few games got a few snacks to eat, Emma even convinced Colt to take some pictures in one of the photo-booth with her. “This looks cute.” She pointed to one of the pictures where they were both smiling. “We look so happy?” He said then looked at the rest. “I actually like this one.” He pointed to another picture where Emma decides to spontaneously kissed him on the cheek. “So um the suns about the set, wanna take a walk on the beach?” She smiled and nodded. “I’d like that.”

Down by the beach..

The two teenagers walked along the shore of Santa Monica beach lacing their hands together, enjoying the sound of the waves and the light breeze that blew by. Emma decided to broach a question that was on her mind. “Colt, after we first kissed. Why were you avoiding me?”

They both came to a stop, Colt turned to her, their hands still laced together. He fixes his eyes on her hand as he rubbed soothing circles around them. “I—. I wasn’t doing it on purpose. I was just.” He paused then reaches for the pocket of his jacket taking out a small gift box. “I got this for you as your birthday present. I hope you like it.”

Emma takes the box from his hand, carefully opening it. Her eyes go wide and sparkled as she saw what was in it. “Colt, this looks like…”

“The one we saw last summer when we went shopping for Riya’s birthday gift?” He finishes her sentence. Emma felt lost for words, that was almost a year ago but he remembered. It was the charm bracelet they saw while they were shopping for Riya’s birthday present.

Meanwhile Colt had worked the summer and did a few jobs like pool cleaning and mowing lawns after school. Even house sitting for their next door neighbor Mrs. Potts while she was away just so he could save up enough money to buy the bracelet for Emma and give it to her on her birthday. She held the bracelet in her hand and saw that Colt had picked out the charms specifically to this things she’d like. From a stars to a seashell even her lucky number and birth stone were on it, there were other things on it as well but there was one that could her eye the most. “Is that a cactus?” She asked smiling.

Colt rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s uh.. Something to remember me by. You know cause you’re always saying how prickly I can be?”

Emma chuckled. “You’re not wrong about that. Could you like help me...” “Oh yeah, sure.” He replied and helped her put on the bracelet. “It looks beautiful.” She beamed and tip toed to kiss him on the cheek. “Thank you, Colt. But this can’t be the reason you’ve been avoiding me?”

This is it Colt, don’t blow it. He ran his hands through his hair. “You see Em, the reason I’ve been avoiding you was because.” He paused for a moment trying to gather up the courage. You can do this, you’ve practiced a hundred times. Emma gives him a questionable look, he quickly cleared his throat and lifted his head, his eyes locked onto hers in an intense gaze. “Emma, you have been my best friend since forever and I like you, not just as a friend but something more. What I’m trying to say, to ask is if you have the same feelings for me too, would you like to be my girlfriend?”

Emma does speak instead she pulls Colt closer to her and kisses him on the lips, breaking a part a few seconds later. “Is that a yes?” He asked grinning but before she can answer his lips crashes on hers again, this time the kiss was longer. When they pull a part both of them shared coy smiles at each other. “Definitely a yes.” She grinned.

****

The weeks passed by and turned into months, pretty soon spring would be over and summer would begin. Emma and Colt were inseparable, even more since they started dating. Everyday after classes Colt would wait for Emma outside her school and they’d both take the bus home. Colt would often spend time at Emma’s house for a study date which would somehow turn into a kissing session. Her room door had to be opened at a minimum of five inches, of course that didn’t stop the two teenagers.

“Three inch minimum!” Mr.Park would bellow out every time he saw them swapping spit when he passed by Emma’s room. Shaking his head as he walked away. “Teenagers.” He muttered under his breath.

****

The sound of west coast hip-hop music filled the room. Colt lay on his bed, grinning at his phone as he exchanged text messages with Emma.

Emma : Are you going to stay at your pops this summer?

Colt : Depends…. Do you have any plans for this summer?

Emma : Science Camp.

Colt : Nerd.

Emma : Maybe I am, but I’m your nerd.

Colt snorted at her reply. She wasn’t wrong though, she was his and he was her. There was nothing in this world that could possibly tear them apart. A knock on the door caught Colt’s attention “Come in.” He called.

The door opened and his mother walked right in, her hands clasped together in front of her. “Colt we need to talk.” Oh no this doesn’t sound good. Please don’t let this be the sex talk, God this is going to be awkward. “Is something wrong,ma? This is not about pop is it?”

“No, he’s fine. It’s…” She pauses for a bit and takes a seat on the bed next to him. “I got a better job offer as a head nurse, it’s in Miami. Colt we’re moving to Miami by the second week of summer.”

“We’re what?!” He croaked and got out of bed pacing back and forth running his hand through his hair. “Colt honey, I know this is sudden news but it’s a good opportunity and..”

“No. I’m not moving, I can’t Ma! Don’t you see my whole life is here.” He continued to pace on the hardwood floor of his room. He couldn’t believe this was happening, he wasn't going to move miles away from Emma, there has to be a way. “What about pops? I could stay with him. I’d be at the other side of town but at least Em and I won’t be that far apart. We could still see each other whenever we want to.”

“Colt, no. Your pops doesn’t want you hanging around his business too much.” She told him with a regretful look and stood in front of him placing her hands on his shoulder. “Colt, look at me. You and Emma, you’ve been together since you were kids but the both of you are still very young, there's still so much out there much out there that you have yet to explore. I can't promise that the two of you will be together forever but if you’re meant for each other somehow you’ll find your way back to each other.”

“I—.I think I need some air, I need to think.” He said turning away from his mother and heads toward the door. “Colt.” His mother tried to reach out to him but he held up his hand at her. “I just need time to process everything.”

*****

Summer 2014

Colt and Emma watched as the movers placed the last of the furniture into the moving truck from the front porch of his house, their hands laced together. “So, what time do you need to leave for the airport.” Emma asked her voice about to crack. “Ma says we should leave soon if we want to beat the LA traffic.” A tear starts to fall on Emma’s cheeks. “Hey Em, please don’t cry, cause if you do, I don’t think I’d be able to leave you.” He said brushing away the tears away from her cheeks. “We’ll get through this. Ok?” She nodded but her expression wasn’t sure, they have lived next to each other all their lives. Knowing that the next time she when looks out the bedroom window he wouldn’t be there, it was something she didn’t think she could get used to.

“So I talked to my parents and they said I could spend thanksgivings at your place.”

“And Christmas I’ll spend time at yours.” He added. “So it’s settled then.” She gave a weak smile. Colt pulled her into a tight hug, taking in her scent as much as he could. It would have to do until the next time they meet. “I’m going to miss, speed demon.” He murmured. “I’m going to miss you too.” Emma replied then tilted her head up, locking her eyes onto his and finally closing the gap between them with a kiss. When they finally pulled apart Colt leans his head on her. “I love you, Em. Don’t ever forget that.” “I love you too, Colt.” She replied.

“Colt honey, it’s time we need to go.” His mom informs him. “That’s my que, I’ll text you once I’m at the airport.” He mentions. “And when you get to Miami and your new home.” She added. “Yeah definitely.” Emma reached out for her pocket and took out a square shaped key-chain then gave it to him. “Here this is for you. I had the pictures we took at Santa Monica made into a key-chain. This way you can bring it with you wherever you go.”

“Thank you Em, I promise to bring it with me wherever I go.”

“Last call Colt or we miss the plane.” His mother called once again. With one last searing kiss they unwilling parted and Emma watched as the car he was in slowly disappeared.

*****

Fall 2014

Emma POV

It was the first week of school, Emma decided to do something spontaneous and skipped school on Friday so she could fly over to Miami and surprise Colt. They haven’t seen each other for 3 months and she just missed him. Her parents were out of town so they wouldn’t know and since Riya was covering for her at school and at home, she knew everything would work out. With the money she saved up she bought an open plane ticket to Miami.

Once she arrived the airport, she took an UBER to the address of Colt’s new high-school. It was passed 3pm but Colt told her on Friday’s he usually stays back for some extra curricular activity. There she was walking around a high-school she had never set foot on, it couldn’t be too hard to find him then school had only two floors. This could take forever.Maybe I should text him.

Emma : Hey, where are you right now?

Colt : School. Friday remember?

Emma : I know school, but which part?

Colt : The gym. Why?

Emma : No reason.

“Excuse me, could you tell me where the gym is?” She asked a student passing by. “Down the hall, make a left and a right.” They informed and walked away. Emma smiled and made her way over, she had sat in a five hour flight and couldn’t wait to finally see him. She reached the entrance of the gym and saw him, her lips curved into a smile but then it faltered when she saw Her.

He was talking to a girl, smiling at her as she rode her skateboard around him. They were quite far from her so she couldn’t make out their conversation and then she threw herself at him and they landed on top of each other on the floor. This was his extracurricular activity! Emma’s face turned red and her hands balled into a fist. How could he? After everything they’ve been through, after all the promises. Her anger quickly turned in to hurt, she cupped her mouth trying to refrain herself from bursting out into tears and quickly turned and left.

****

Colt POV

Colt : The gym. Why?

Emma : No reason.

Colt shook his head at the text message from Emma. What could she be up to this time? “What you smiling at?” The girl asked.

“Nothing it’s my just my girlfriend.” He mentioned with a smile.

“Can I see her picture?”

Colt showed the girl a picture of Emma on his lock screen. “Wow. She’s really cute.” She praised. “You have great taste Kaneko.”

“Yeah I do. I think you’d like her if you get to know her. She’s a really good skateboarder too.”

The girl got on her skateboard and rode in circles around Colt. “Really? Now that’s someone I can see myself being friends with.”

Colt snorted. “Yeah she is pretty awesome.”

Her loose shoelace accidentally got caught on one of the wheels of the board and she tripped landing on Colt. “Ah!” He winces in pain as he fell to the floor. “Geez would you watch it! You could have broken my arm.”

The girl rolled her eyes and got up. “Don’t be such a baby Kaneko.” She said and offered him a hand up.

Colt took her hand and got up, dusting himself and adjusting his jacket. “So you and your girlfriend got any plans this weekend?”

“We’re thinking of hitting the beach for some surfing. Wanna join?” She asked.

“Nah. I wouldn’t want to be a third wheel.” He answered. He felt his phone buzz and it showed Emma’s name popped up. He smiled and opened it to see what the message was.

Emma : It’s over, Colt. I’m breaking up with you. Don’t ever call me again.

Colt’s eyes go wide open, confusion written all over his face. Was this a joke? He dialed her number but it kept going to voicemail, over and over again. Shit! He pressed his hand to his forehead. Not knowing what went wrong.

“Colt? Are you alright?”

“I need to go, sorry Robin. See you on Monday.” He said and rushed out of the gym.

The next day came and Emma still wasn’t answering his calls or text messages. He must have left her over a hundred voicemails begging her to tell why she was doing this. Fuck this can’t be happening. She said she was stay at Riya’s this weekend, maybe I should call give her a call, he quickly dialed Riya’s number and soon enough.

“You have some nerve calling here, Kaneko.” Riya belted. “Emma told me everything you jerk! And to think I routed for you all this time.”

“Riya, I don’t even know what I did wrong!” He belted. “Let me speak to Emma, I know she’s staying at your place while her parents are away.”

“Hello, Colt?” Emma answered

“Emma, oh thank God. Listen what ever happened we can fix this okay. Just talk to me please.” Colt pleaded his voice cracking.

“Colt, I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to hear excuses. We’re over for good. I’ve changed my number so don’t bother trying to contact me you won’t get through. Goodbye Colt, I hope you’ll be happy there.” “Emma, wait!” But before he could say something, she already hung up.

Furious and hurt he threw his phone on the bedroom wall smashing it to pieces. His hands balled into a fist as his sadness quickly turned to anger, he shoved his books of the table and punched the wall next to it continuously until his knuckles started to bleed. She was the only thing he had, the only thing he truly loved. What could he have done to deserve this? Since that day Colt slowly started building up walls around him. He wasn’t going to let himself truly fall for any girl ever again.

Fall 2014 was the last time they ever spoke to each other and they thought that they would never see each other again. But fate always has a funny way of bringing people back together and their story was just beginning.

#playchoice #choices #choices ride or die #colt kaneko #Colt x MC #mc x colt #Logan x Mc #choices rod #mc x logan #logan rod #rod colt

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tikkisaram · 4 years

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John Keats — Intentionally Boring?

There are many poets out there whose work can only be characterised as bad.1 There are others whose poems do not even afford the amusement of comically poor writing — poets who force us to label them boring. This latter situation — arising from a vice of incompetence, one too marked to be excused but not drastic enough to create hilarity — is seemingly the more unfortunate for the reader, as it can induce no feeling other than that of lethargy.

And yet reading the poems of John Keats forces us to reexamine our position — for the vast majority of his famous compositions can only be considered boring. But how can a poet of his stature write dull and plainly uninteresting verse? How can the opening lines of his odes, instead of inviting and inciting us to read on, usher us on our way to sleepland?

It is not as if he were simply a boring person. He died at the age of twenty-five, having published his first poem at the age of twenty — a remarkably short and thus busy poetic career. His quarter of a century on earth was one full of tragedy — the deaths of his father, mother and brother; his own fatal illness — as well as joy and contentment — his relationship with Fanny Brawne; his many lively friendships; his time in "the pleasantest Town"2 of Winchester. He also proved his ability to write consistently engaging verse with the humorous trifles he included in his letters — poems such as The Devon Maid, Women, Wine, and Snuff and A Song about Myself.

Since it is inconceivable for his poems to represent accidental failures in writing interesting verse, we are left with only one conclusion: that Keats was intentionally boring.

Though this idea solves the issue at hand, it begs an answer to the question: why? What reason could Keats have to choose to write boredom-inducing poems? Because, ultimately, what good is a boring poem?

Queer poet and essayist Joseph Brodsky comes to the rescue to help answer these questions. He tells us that "boredom speaks the language of time, and it is to teach you the most valuable lesson in your life ... – the lesson of your utter insignificance. It is valuable to you, as well as to those you are to rub shoulders with. 'You are finite', time tells you in a voice of boredom, 'and whatever you do is, from my point of view, futile.'"3 And that futile finity is exactly what Keats describes when he writes about melancholy:

She dwells with Beauty – Beauty that must die; And Joy, whose hand is ever at his lips Bidding adieu; and aching Pleasure nigh, Turning to Poison while the bee-mouth sips: 4

Keats employs boredom as a poetic technique because he knows that it can offer us insights into the nature of life. He does what Brodsky tells us we should: "When hit by boredom, go for it. Let yourself be crushed by it; submerge, hit bottom. In general, with things unpleasant, the rule is, the sooner you hit bottom, the faster you surface."3

Boredom teaches us the uncomfortable truth about the insignificance of our fleeting existence, one which we perhaps would rather not think about. But instead of seeking beauty in the material world; instead of writing pretty, forgettable poems about the pretty flowers that will soon wilt away, Keats realises that there is nothing more beautiful than wisdom:

'Beauty is truth, truth beauty,' – that is all Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know. 5

Thus, Keats's seemingly dull verse serves to reveal a beauty that transcends all worldly pleasures.

Keats writes boring poems also as a testament to his awareness of his own insignificance. Instead of engaging in self-indulgent virtuosity, he decides to distance himself and his poems from his subjects – playing himself down to maximise poetic efficiency. The necessity of modesty in a poet was part of his philosophy of composition, which he describes in a letter to his friend J. H. Reynolds: "Poetry should be great & unobtrusive, a thing which enters into one's soul, and does not startle it or amaze it with itself but with its subject. – How beautiful are the retired flowers! how would they lose their beauty were they to throng into the highway crying out, 'admire me I am a violet! dote upon me I am a primrose!'"6 This shift of focus from the poem to its subject is apparent in the opening lines of his Ode to a Grecian Urn:

Thou still unravish'd bride of quietness, Thou foster-child of silence and slow time, Sylvan historian, who canst thus express A flowery tale more sweetly than our rhyme:

Keats's genius lies in his innovative deliberate use of boredom as a poetic technique. In an act of great modesty, he writes restrained poems which force us to think; which impart their ideas by making us experience them. Most of all, Keats teaches us this – whenever a poem is boring, we should ask ourselves the question: what for?

Not to point fingers, but Eiléan Ní Chuilleanáin comes to mind. ↩︎

Tomalin, Claire (ed.). "Poems of John Keats." Penguin Classics. 2009. pp. xiv. ↩︎

Brodsky, Joseph. "In Praise of Boredom." On Grief and Reason. pp. 104-113 ↩︎ ↩︎

Ode to Melancholy, III. ↩︎

Ode on a Grecian Urn, V. ↩︎

Letter to J. H. Reynolds, 3 February 1818. "Poems of John Keats." pp. 96. ↩︎

#blessay #poetry #poetry analysis #john keats

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xrprainmaker · 4 years

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The Significance of Being Insignificant

What is the value of one life? Do you know? Is it measured in how many people's lives we affect while we're alive, is it quantified by how much money we leave to our loved ones when we eventually all at one point or another die? Is it merely the number of loved ones we know or who knows us? Is it measured by how many likes and retweets and shares we get accumulatively on all social media platforms and when we get to the pearly gates of heaven or in some cases the rusted gates of hell going to be just yet another algorithm of the universe held over our head as either a badge of honor or Scarlett letter of failure in which even in the afterlife we will still be either praised or shunned for all the things we've either done wrong or right.. and God or the Devil Themselves will take turns choosing teams in purgatory & just like in middle school we'll either be chosen first with the "cool kids" or be picked last like the outcasts some of us already feel & we'll spend another eternity pondering the effects and affects of our decisions and thoughts and actions until we literally just become dust underneath their nails? These are the questions I ask myself in a world where killing has now become an open sport and done by people that swore an oath to protect our lives and the lives of the ones we love & the ones we don't. But for George Floyd he's life was no more meaningful for those cops that day, than the ants they probably crushed under their boots on the way to go put their knees in his throat and his head. The watched and continued draining the life from his body like a smartphone addict who just watches his or her phone drain to zero battery but is too lazy to get up and plug it into the wall. Did that police officer think he was playing a level in Grand Theft Auto? Did the surrounding policers officers who also complacently just "followed" orders and also held down & pinned him by the legs and arms and allowed this act to be committed without thought or hesitation did they also think they were "doing a good job " or were they just not thinking at all. You see you might be confused right now why I'm talking so much about the "Evil Cops" and why I'm not raving about "defund the police " or talking in a way that I have lost compassion for the cops, instead of just shooting from the hips and calling them Murderers ( which don't worry, I do believe all of them are and should go to jail, as I believe all of them are 100% guilty) . Because let's be clear - to watch and do nothing for 8 minutes straight while somebody begs and pleas " I can't breath", " I can't breath" " I can't breath" and is not putting up a fight or intoxicated or belligerent or on drugs but is just one human being begging for another human being to take notice & show compassion & acknowledge that that person is seen and heard and valued and to watch that for eight whole minutes is almost an eternity of time for those cops to have done the right thing or as Spike Lee would've said in Public Enemy " Dooo Thaaa Right Thang" and they failed, they failed with flying colors. I don't know what they got on their test scores to get into the Police Academy but to get out of it, they went out with a Bang of F's that's for sure. But I digress, the real reason I'm so interested in why NOBODY did ANYTHING even though they were in the middle of the street, broad daylight and with hundreds if not thousands of people walking by and NOT ONE, NOT A SINGLE ONE except One girl who filmed the whole thing and put it up on Youtube - tried to save this man's life or question the cops that were so nonchalantly breaking the law in plain sight, right in front of everyone's nose and the reason why it happened It's because the value of someone's life in Real life - not the after school special you watched growing up or on the multiple motivational videos you can binge-watch on Youtube or "feel good" movies on Netflix where you watch a movie with 1 black actor in it in a cast of 500 white people and pat yourself on the back because you're not a racist. Or because you don't actually call black people the N-word to their face but lowkey wonder what it would feel like if you did. Like would it be laughs and high fives like on the "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" or would you get knocked the FUD out like if you were in the ring with Mike Tyson and he's biting off your ear. You see racism never went away or stopped, it just got brushed underneath the rug or the fabric of humanity we like to refer to as the "Human Existence". People like to use the word " I didn't Know" a lot in society - ever notice that - it's like the fewer fuds you give about life or the people around you the more accepted you are. Our world or simulation, whichever way you want to spin it, is built on the combined premise that showing emotion or compassion or crying is something that only "Weak" people do or a sign of weakness. But I call BS, I think that if that's the type of world you want to live in - then DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT, be walking in marches, with your fists up in the air, pretending that you have any type of allegiance with those who have lost their lives from racism or police brutality or any type of abuse for that matter where one party was "Stronger" and abused of the situation on somebody they deemed to be weak either because of gender or skin color or because they grew up on the wrong side of the tracks - Do not think that your 1 white fist in the air publically can magically erase the millions and millions and millions and millions and millions of other unknown fists that took that same symbol but in private and in the horizontal position & punched through the walls of the heads or the walls of the ribs of so many other innocent and unsuspecting lives of both young and old, white & black. That so many don't even know about and that, we'll most likely never know about because they did not have the money in their wallets or the special contacts in their phone or special certifications on their walls saying that they were somebody to be respected and thus the fight for their lives and struggle to share the truth will be buried among so many others that " lead quiet lives of desperation" as Thoreau's once said. You see what I'm getting at here is until we stop shaking our hands in frustration and anger and hatred and hostility at this police officer who did this, we will never truly understand what drives a man or men to this point of no return. Where their souls have left their bodies long before they'll ever be declared dead and how they were allowed to not just roam the streets but to rule the streets with a clad iron fist and destroy anything and everything they touched because they themselves, can no longer feel. You see this to me is the even scarier part. I'm not happy that George Floyd is dead or that he had to die this way, but in reality, if those cops hadn't killed him, how they did George Floyd would just be another African American Man that led a quiet life of mediocrity instead and now his face and his name is known all over the world and his legacy that he will leave to his family in some un-ironic, ironic way because of all of this will be of nobility and peace even though he was caught trying to buy things with fake money and that's what led the cops there, to begin with. To me, this just goes to highlight every relevant rule of life of Yin and Yang and that even in the best people there is bad and even in the badest people there is good. To me is this right or is this wrong to say, that's not up to me to decide, but it's the truth and the truth is hard to digest for many because it's not like a placebo, laced in sugar and will slowly rot your teeth and your brain. It's like a shot of Tequila either your system can handle it or it can't but either way, you'll only find out once you try. Try to see things from different angles, try to listen to a different perspective and try to understand, that no one is born 100% evil, I believe that evilness is learned and that even though the absolute last human beings on the face of the earth that you or many others would deem worthy or deserving of compassion right now or a voice or somebody to listen to them, I would say, it's that cop/cops that killed him. Why? Because as heinous as it is what they did, is that I also envision those same cops as young kids, running and playing and laughing and waiting for the weekend to play "Cops and Robbers" and how do you go from that level of innocence to this? Was it a gradual chipping away at their souls like water drop Chinese societal torture device, or did something cataclysmic in their youth or adult years happen like their father or uncle showed them how to hunt a deer when they were just 8 or or or... You see to me " an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" or in this case and many, many, many other unsolved cases- it's worth a literal pound of flesh and until we as humans and society start truly asking these hard questions, of ourselves and all other people who make up this world, we're just fooling ourselves into believing change is happening or that #BlackLivesMatter - because black lives won't matter until #ALLLivesMatter - including the lives of these horrible - soulless police. Rest In Power Mr. George Floyd

#george floyd #george flyod dead #george flyod protests #defundthepolice #rest in power #rest in peace #xrprainmaker

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apex-academy · 4 years

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Chapter 3 Trial: Consequences (#36)

“Did I miss anything?”

“No—please, no! I-it’s wrong...”

“...”

“OSHIO! Answer the question!”

“What? It ain’t much of a question.”

“You do 't 'r what, brah?”

“That one’s better.”

“I don’t think there’s anythin' I can say that'll change our popular vote, so fine. Fine.”

“Yea. I killed him.”

“Itsurou, too, I guess...”

“You guess?”

“Nobody else was s'posed ta be in there. I did everythin’ I could to get ‘im to come to the concert, but...”

“Yeah, sure. She could have killed Yuki, too.”

“O-or me, if I’d gone up there.”

I can't possibly glare at Tamiko hard enough.

“But what? You were too determined to murder Arthur to care that somebody else could get hurt?”

“Why'd’ya think I did it in the middle a' the concert?! If I’m gonna make something that goes off on its own, I’m gonna herd everybody I can away from it! I ain’t killin’ anybody who don’t deserve it!”

“If I can help it.”

“You’re saying Artie deserved to die? What the hell, Tamiko?!”

“You don’t think so?”

“Oh, certainly he did..."

"...though a sinner like you had no right to take it into your own hands. Truly foolish.”

“What do you mean...? I don’t think he deserved to die...”

“A 'course ya don’t, you slut. People like you 're why people like me gotta get their hands dirty tryin’ ta fix things.”

“I thought you were an all right gal, too. Reckon I just get too optimistic sometimes.”

“Leave Kurokame alone! You have no right to say those things after killing someone in cold blood!”

“Cold blood?”

“What, you think this was some kinda revenge? That I just go 'round killin’ anybody that done me wrong?”

“That's what it looks like from here, mi querida.”

“Then why's Yuki alive? Arthur couldn't'a cheated on me all by himself. And I coulda lured Yuki in for the kill real easy.”

“Clearly your bullcrap logic is beyond us, s-so feel free to freaking explain.”

Tamiko shakes her head.

“It ain’t that complicated.”

“Yuki may’a screwed up, but only ‘cause Arthur lied to her. She values love and family an' all that as much as she oughta. So I know she can turn herself ‘round just fine once she puts her mind to it.”

“But Arthur? He was never gonna change. I seen his kind before. If ya can’t take anything serious—can't take your relationships serious—you ain’t gonna amount to anything. All you’re ever gonna do is end up hurtin' a lotta innocents.”

“Guys like that just oughta drop dead, don’tcha think?”

“.........”

"Ps-sycho..."

“I was right, wasn’t I?”

“You never had a stalker.”

“Yea, ya got me.”

“The girlfriend’s always the first suspect. And I wasn’t smart enough to get myself an alibi the first time. Had ta come up with somethin'.”

“What the hell?! This makes zero sense!”

“What about it don’t make sense? You tryin' to say you ain’t seen what those guys do to people? People who ain't done nothing to deserve it?”

“You ain’t seen people cut to the bone by betrayal? You ain’t seen people convinced they’re worthless ‘cause those guys just keep treatin' ‘em like some piece a’ shit they can throw out whenever they want?”

“You ain’t seen people trapped in relationships with those guys? You ain’t seen people browbeaten an’ spat at an’ abused ‘til they think the only way they can get out of it is killing themselves?”

“YOU AIN'T EVER HEARDA ANYBODY LIKE THAT?!”

Tamiko's shout practically leaves feedback in my ears.

“.....”

“.........”

“...”

“O-okay, yeah, that’s bad...”

“...but it doesn’t mean you get to freaking murder people!”

“Why not?" Her voice is suddenly hollow. "Don’t they deserve it? If any of y’all think any people deserve to die, wouldn’t it be them? Worthless savages who go around destroyin' innocent people?”

“What exactly is your definition of ‘innocent’?”

“Whaddaya mean?”

“Everyone screws up sometimes, right? So what makes anybody more innocent than anyone else? Intent? How bad they screw up?”

“You talk about monsters hurting innocents, but wasn't Arthur innocent?! Fine, he did something stupid! Something that hurt you! But that doesn’t justify your actions! If he raped you, then fine! Kill him!”

“Uh.”

“But you don’t get to murder someone for—for what?! Being an idiot teenage boy?”

“It ain’t about what he did! It’s about what he's gonna do!”

“You think I oughta just stand back and watch when I know how bad he’s gonna hurt people?”

“Yes! You can’t punish people for crimes you think they’re going to commit!”

“Why not?! You think we oughta let the victims suffer first? Let some of 'em die first? Who the hell does that help? Those guys! Just them!”

“And I ain’t helpin’ one of them if my goddamned life depends on it.”

“Foolish thing.”

“You’ve no way to determine who is one of ‘them’ and who is not. Not without divine sight.”

"Really? Is it that hard?"

“ 'Cause I ain't no god, but I know a heartbreaker when I see one.”

Mahavir growls, turning on her.

“Say it all you like, but your judgment can't possibly be perfect! If you think someone is in need of protection, then there are authorities to contact!”

“Authorities?”

“You think it's that simple, huh? You think nobody ever slips through the cracks? That those guys can't put on a good act?”

"That if they can get away with it, gettin' authorities involved won't ever just make things worse for their victims?"

"If it's all so easy, then why the hell would anybody be too afraid to report it themselves? Why would they try to pretend everything's okay instead when it's anything but? Why would they be stuck where they are, only getting through the day 'cause a little music can keep their heads above water for a while?"

"..."

"........."

"I don't mean to say it's simple, but..."

He trails off, unable to put another argument together.

“...”

There’s no reasoning with her, anyway, is there? She’s convinced she’s in the right. I guess you’d have to be to murder multiple people without remorse.

“Tams. Are you seriously a serial killer?”

“I mean. With, like, the boyfriends, you are either way, but are you that serial killer?”

“I should think so. Her rationale matches the fiend’s actions quite well.”

“Ensuring the lovers have airtight alibis... Because they were the ones you were trying to protect, non?”

“Yea.”

“Ain’t much fun bein’ suspected, so I did what I could. Got plenty a’ roadies to hang out with people and plenty a' tickets I could get to 'em.”

“Those people were suffering. Lot of them'd write to me ‘bout what they’ve been through. Usually real vague, but ya start to recognize it after a while. Fan mail 'bout some bluesy lyrics that resonated with ‘em, or what songs’ve helped 'em pull through, at least for a little while.”

“But a little while ain't enough. I had to do somethin', you understand? For the people who were too afraid to do anything themselves. I did as much as I could without risking my... mission, so ta speak.”

“I’ve helped a lotta people out there. Even if I die today, I’ve lived a life I can be proud of.”

“O-oh! Um! Speaking of people dying today...!”

“I think it’s about time to vote on the killer!”

[NEXT]

#apexplot #apex3 #apextrial #selfnote

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dealingdreams · 4 years

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Okay TROS thoughts...here we go. I’m putting them all below the cut in case somehow you’ve avoided spoilers

so general thoughts...i didnt hate it nearly as much as i thought i would so thats pleasant but im gonna break it down more

things i liked:

Adam Driver. just Adam. Fucking. Driver my dudes. This is like a backhanded compliment because JJ is so fucking lucky Adam was cast because the emotional depth of the film rested literally all on his shoulders for me. I only felt the weight if he was acting in a scene.

I’ll admit im biased but I did adore the interaction between Finn and Poe. Their bickering amused me and the tenderness between them was wonderful...I think Oscar played Poe a bit jealous as well which i liked.

the Reylo scenes to me where beautiful. Ben never lied to her, she tried to deny it but she knew he never did. I loved that he was kinda guiding her, protecting her, loving her, and antagonizing her all at once. I loved how soft their kiss was, their smiles are literally the light of my life. Rey’s face when she healed him. Ben just staring at her as she tells him she did want to take his hand...just chef’s kiss

I loved the saber fights. Ben’s fight at the beginning was hot as fuck...and his fight as newly redeemed Ben Solo was even hotter somehow.

I enjoyed the fight scenes between ben and rey! how often ben just let her walk away, and despite that one scene which i will mention below...i like i even tho rey was rather aggressive idk...it didnt really feel like she was trying to hurt him much either? i just think they had a lot of chances to kill each other and didnt take it...so i like that

i knew she was looking at ben in that clip i knew it...she only makes that soft face at him

I always enjoy stupid ass C3PO jokes for some dumbass reason

Han and Ben’s scene was heartbreaking and beautiful. Again tho JJ is fucking lucky to cast Adam cause recycling dialogue from TFA wouldnt have worked at all had Adam not been so fucking amazing

the save chewie hall blaster scene was fun

i liked how fucking dramatic children ben and rey were with that damn ship lol...no im gonna force pull it...no im gonna...what dorks

while i didnt like the entire way the force bond was used i did enjoy seeing it still strong and growing

confirming canon soulmate reylo was a highlight

ben’s hair looked bomb

finn’s outfit was cool

Jannah was beautiful (please correct me if i misspell her name)

dark rey was glorious tho

that new little droid is literally me so i adore it

that sith cave thing was really fucking cool looking

the visuals of the film were most of the time stunning

sooooo...now to what i didn’t like:

I think this first one is the most obvious for those who know me but...Ben’s death just feels so utterly useless to me. especially when they gave him a metaphorical death earlier in the film. i feel extremely hurt and betrayed. Disney has gone out of their way to make us sympathize with Ben Solo. They’ve revealed more and more of his past...how alone he was, the abuse he suffered from snoke and palpatine. just fuck...they just kill him...the moment he realizes he’s free and loved they end his life....literally WHAT THE FUCK. it’s a chicken shit way out of a redemption arc honestly. Not letting u just breath after his death was also so horrible. We barely got to see Rey mourn, we got a split second of it then it jumped to another scene...another second of her looking sadly at her sabor to have the moment interrupted

tag on to above but...they didnt have him as a force ghost cause Disney is intentionally keeping where he is ambiguous so they can sell more shit which pisses me off so much

thats not how the force works

there couldnt have been that many sith could there??? cause like there can only be 2 at one time....fucking rule of 2 so how the hell were there that many

palps being like...see i actually want you to kill me...is ridiculous

rey palpatine is the most idiotic thing i have ever heard. Rey being a no one from no where was such an amazing thing. Just anyone can be strong in the force...you dont need royal blood to make you worth something....then they just retcon that??? the fuck I MEAN THE FUCK.

Finn does nothing but worry about Rey the whole film. I know folks dont like his storyline in TLJ and while i understand that and do think it could have been written better i still adore it because Finn grew. He grew from just caring about a small group of people to caring about an idea to caring about something bigger than him. I didnt see any growth in his character in this film. His heroics were beautiful to see and I enjoyed seeing his heart but that was John’s acting more than the writing it think.

sidelining rose was fucking disgusting

the trio felt forced to me

the leia scenes didnt work for me honestly and they mostly just made me sad

bringing in lando now felt weird

ive wanted force sensitive finn for a while but didnt feel right

why the fuck have finn want to tell rey something but never do...ugh i hate storytelling like that

they never explained how palps is back...he just is

rey stabbing ben felt odd to me. i loved the moment when she healed him, and i know technically her anger and darkside was coming out and she acted on instinct...nevermind that even before leia called out to him ben coudnt follow thru with the killing blow.

....i’m sure i’ll think of more as i get angrier

anyways over all...id be lying if moments didnt make me laugh or smile...if i didn’t feel a sense of nostalgia and enjoyment for 80% of this movie. The thing is that even with so much of it being enjoyable to me it still felt void. An action movie, with new characters, a confusing plot and very minimal emotional depth.

The emotion hinged soooo much on Adam or me. The biggest reason for that aside from that fact that Ben Solo is one of my all time favorite characters, is that the things Rey is dealing with in the film are directly related to her being a palpatine...and i HATE THAT. Like straight up wanna fling it into the sun.

Rey never needed to be related to a force royal bloodline. She should have been allowed to remain strong because she was just strong. Kylo’s equal in every way, not because she was the granddaughter of a sith which btw you can’t inherit force powers. Retconing something so touching and unique from TLJ was just...fucking idiotic. All to please the loud but small misogynistic fandom that thought a woman couldnt be that strong on her own so she must be related to someone

The biggest thing....tho is killing Ben. it felt so unnecessary and just...i feel so betrayed. The interviews leading up to the film got my hopes up that i was worried for nothing. I always thought they’d kill him, because cinema seems to not know what to do with characters has tragic as him without just killing him in the end. we already got a redemption = death plotline in this franchise...why couldnt we get a redemption = life instead??? My friend who doesnt even like sw that much...tros was actually the 2nd sw fim she’s ever seen...thought it was unnecessary as well and agrees with me a lot about my feelings despite not having the same intense emotional attachment to him as me. She for a moment thought they’d be together at the end but nope. Its just...pointless to me now, the sacrifices han, luke, and leia made to reach Ben are for nothing. Their deaths...pointless...Ben means so fucking much to me. I’ve never felt such an intense emotional bond with a character before so im just hurting so fucking much right now.

Rey taking the name Skywalker isnt hopeful or cute its a slap in the face honestly...and it’s just weird!

The last Skywalker died loved and held by the woman he loved and that is beautiful to me. He died happy and a hero thats a balm at least...but to not let him be the one to kill palpatine...after everything EVERYTHING he put him and his family thru was another just fuck...i wanted justice for him and he just got thrown away

Ultimately...Ben and Rey are soulmates and their force bond was severed. Palpatine didnt take that from them because he couldnt have...again not how the force works....but JJ used that bond to be a battery???? the fuck...but ultimately hes forcing Rey to live the rest of her days with a gaping wound in her soul. a wound unable to be filled and will be with her for the rest of her life...thats so fucking tragic to me. you give rey someone who is her equal, who understands her, and you take him from her and force her to be alone for the rest of her life?? and we are supposed to not see that as a tragedy? Her being fineishness at the end of the film seemed like direction from either the writing or in the moment, but just further proves he didnt bother to even understand the lore he was using. Force bonds were considered i quess legends in the current SW canon but Rian brought it back...so it’s back. and well

"A bond between two living beings is not something easily broken. It is not a choice… it is like breaking a feeling. Like turning away from the Force. To break a bond, your feelings would have to change, or one of you would have to die—but even then, the bond wouldn't go away, it would simply… it would simply be empty, a wound."―Master Zez-Kai Ell[src]

and .... the only way to break it was to turn away from the Force, as Surik did on Malachor V. So basically it all came down to creating a wound in the Force”

sooo yeah...im pissed i’d give this movie a 1 1/2 out of 5

thank you for those who have read my rantings! I hope at least some of this made sense

#tros spoilers #ben solo #kylo ren #reylo #musing

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