#that shared trauma and those emotions connect them not only to each other bc they could understand each other if they had more time to...

[screeching-painter-witch]

martim desolation power couple

#it's a need #tma #the magnus archives #i love jmart as much as the next person and probably even more but tim and martin would be so good as a desolation duo #they both seem like opposites because tim is more confident and outgoing and martin is shy and anxious and sensitive #but tim is just as emotional and sensitive as martin he just shows it in different ways #and another thing they have in common is their anger #they are both deeply angry due to trauma and they probably hate themselves and feel constantly guilty on some level #tim because of danny (and then sasha) and martin because he's been made to feel worthless his entire life #but they both have so much anger and bitterness in them but they choose to be kind regardless #until they reach their breaking point and become self-destructive #that shared trauma and those emotions connect them not only to each other bc they could understand each other if they had more time to... #... become closer #but those things also connect them very strongly to the desolation #look at them in the s3 finale #martin burns statements and risks his life #and tim activates the detonator and sacrifices himself to destroy/stop the stranger (and to save his friends bc he might resent jon... #(and avenge danny and sasha) #...but i think he still cares about jon and martin) #also they deserve to set fire to things and fight the eye and the spider #also also gerry and jon deserve desolation bfs #yes im turning this into jongerrymartim i refuse to shut up about any of the characters in this ship #many interesting dynamics /pos

[cyb-by-lang]

okay so i've been thinking about A Ninja's Guide to Gotham and i think i know what Ra's al Ghul's plan is, at least what he (and Zetsu) want to do

the plan to set Kei loose on Konoha didn't go well for Zetsu and Madara, she had her team to help (and the power of foresight) but the gist of the idea could still work, if Zetsu sets up the stage right

Kei has a pretty good grasp on her emotions, but Hayate (specifically, Hayate in danger/hurt Hayate) being her trigger is known to Zetsu. so it makes sense to isolate the two from the rest of their village. drop them into a batshit (ha) crazy city, keep them separated, really pile the stress on Kei and wear her down.

all the while, they've got a Zetsu army cooking for maximum trauma later.

Ra's al Ghul wants to destroy Gotham, and this Zetsu has essentially handed him the trigger for a massive walking bomb, but can only be activated under very specific circumstances. and Kei, as stressed as she is and even with almost losing it a couple of times, has done an excellent job reigning her fury in (thanks Isobu)

AND there's the fear toxin. i imagine they've been adjusting it this whole time to actually work on a Jinchuriki.

i don't think they really want Kei to join them, necessarily (though it might save them a few steps) i think all the attacks serve mostly to increase Kei's stress until she starts breaking.

and then Zetsu was trying to take Hayate. because what would be the one thing to almost certainly break Kei?

idk if this is how it will play out exactly, but i'm guessing this is the gist of Ra's and Zetsu's plan:

Zetsu army attack, with giant Zetsu monster included to spread out the Bats and allies. try and separate Kei from team. keep her focused on the attacks without provoking her yet, but wear her down.

take Hayate, or at least manipulate the field to put him within sight of Kei. kill him where she can clearly see.

use that moment of shock to shoot as many fear toxin darts at her as possible. if she's distracted enough, she might get a few doses. and it doesn't matter much how quickly Isobu burns through the poison, because all they need is that initial ignition of super enhanced terror and trauma for her to explode into a raging Jinchuriki. throw the Zetsu monster back at her, and they take out half of Gotham ripping each other to pieces.

(the Bats and Kei's team hear her agonized beastial screech, even the ones on the other side of the city, and know this is Worst Case Scenario)

this is an excellent narrative strategy for maximum pain and plot drama for Kei and friends, and i can see it coming so close to fruition (if i'm even in the ballpark here, this is all an educated guess)

unfortunately for Ra's and Zetsu, Batman exists. he knows how Ra's operates. once the fear toxin came into play, and Batman listened to Kei talk about her past, i'm pretty sure he could connect those dots.

"Superpowered ninja host of a demon able to level a city, if pressed, and her main trauma trigger is her brother being threatened or harmed in any way. Right. Best keep the brother out of harm's way. If only they could all stay put."

also unfortunate for Ra's and Zetsu, Jason exists. i doubt they were expecting Hayate to adopt Gotham's newest menace, nor for Jason to take to it like a mother goose. Kei might be correct in thinking Hayate is safer with Jason than with her, bc as volatile and explosive as he can be, he's not quite "city-leveling" tier.

as DC stories tend to go, the villains plot usually gets to play out at least most of the way. so maybe Hayate does get hurt at some point, maybe Kei does lose it, but this could be where Jason finally works with the Bats + Team Minato to save the day (and his new little brother....)

anyway, idk how much of this is right, but the pieces have been fitting themselves together in the back of my brain for a while. and if i'm on the money on any of this and you'd rather not post bc spoilers, no worries!! i just wanted to share how much i've been thinking about it, it's on a short list of things i play in my mental movie theater ಠ⁠◡⁠ಠ

[image description: a GIF of Kronk from Emperor's New Groove saying "Oh yeah. It's all coming together." end description.]

I love it when readers send me their analysis. It really helps me figure out what's working when I write and what is sticking with people.

And I hope you feel like a detective for having figured out most of today's evil plan (credit to Ra's al Ghul) before a fair number of the characters in Gotham have. I'm glad you picked up on it!

#a ninja's guide to gotham #keisuke gekko #hayate gekko #jason todd #bruce wayne #asks #gon-and-killuas-mother

[potatopossums]

realizing rn that i have very high standards for friends. i wouldn't consider someone i just started talking to as a friend. i wouldn't even consider someone I've been talking to for several weeks a friend.

I'm very particular about roles.

I am a very social person with a social job. But most of the time, my customers are not people i would consider friends. That has always somehow crossed a line in my comfort level. Even if they are nice and supportive, i do not know them. I did not meet them in an equal setting. I met them while donning my professional persona, and while that persona isn't much different from who i am regularly, i am being paid to talk to customers. I'm being paid to be friendly and helpful, answer questions. am i lying or masking with them? no. but this is my work setting, i am in work mode. i am not in my layman mode. it just doesn't translate to friendship most of the time if the only way i have seen someone or know someone is through work, during which they were a customer of mine. that feels pretty unbalanced and i don't like it.

and that's most of the social interaction I get right now. my job. where i can't really connect with people because I'm being professional.

this is self imposed. i haven't researched the ethics on this either; I'm just doing what feels right to me. so there's a chance i could be holding myself to a standard that is making my life worse. but i don't think so. i think i just want to interact with people in a natural, non-professional environment that feels like it is safe.

i also just. struggle to connect with people, even in those spaces.

i don't tend to enjoy or utilize many social spaces. i don't like bars. i don't like clubs (i mean how can you expect to talk to someone if you can't hear them?). i would love to go to more meetups but i literally do not have the availability right now. I'd love for a good chunk of my life to be meetups. to have one or two special ones that i loved and went to every week. that would be cool. those spaces are nice. but I'd have to really change up my schedule for that to work. everything for those happens in the evenings. and most of the time, I'm working in the evenings because lately i just cannot wake up to save my life.

ugh. friends are hard. i get a couple and then they get too busy to spend time with me, i feel sad and upset but have to accept it anyway because who actually chooses to be so painfully busy that they're stressed out the ass and can't spend time with people or rest? nobody who isn't a billionaire under capitalism has that luxury. so i just change my expectations of that person and just move on. but my issue is that i can get really attached. i enjoy getting attached. when it's healthy and consensual, it can feel really nice. sometimes i need breathing room, but i love having a companion or two that i can just rely on for hanging out in a certain, important way.

i crave emotional closeness and that is not something i tend to share with just regular friends. i need a close friend for that. someone who gets what I'm saying, actually puts energy into understanding what I'm saying bc that's important (and i do the same bc it's important). i give emotional energy, i want emotional energy. i give thoughtfulness, i want thoughtfulness. i want to do important and vulnerable things together. i want us to lean on each other. i want us to have other support, yes, but i still want to be close. i want to sink time and energy into this relationship. i want it to be deep. i want there to be trust. that stuff doesn't come quickly or easily for me. that fact becomes especially frustrating when a companion suddenly becomes unavailable. it really frustrates me, it hurts, and i feel abandoned (thanks trauma). it's not the kind of reaction i want to have, but at best, it would still be hard on me because I'd have to get to know other people. if i happened to be in a period where i didn't have many other available companion-level friendships, then yeah, it might be kinda hard to navigate. I'd be lonely and frustrated a lot. like i am right now. it sucks right now. immensely.

so yeah. here's to me navigating this hell road. it is not fun. i like having emotional support and when my favorite emotional support goes AWOL, then it can really suck for me. and I'm not sure how to still have rich relationships and make it suck less at the same time.

ugh.

#friendship #abandonment trauma #companionship #personal #mental health #queerplatonic #social roles #ethics

[bitbrumal]

                                                                   HEADCANON                ↤   khioniya | tsaritsa   ::   OG CONCEPT  ↩

❖  i always started out with one of her reasons for distance from her ppl being she's incapable of choosing her own goals over their happiness if she lets herself get close at all—so she doesn't. she’s commonly in a form of stasis, at the heart of zapolyarny palace: a permanent fixture on the throne. it’s why i refer to her as statuesque & still ( & dusty lol. literally ). while aware, she chooses to be aware not through personal interactions but through her element. it numbs her just enough to keep making the hard choices. an estrangement by fixating on the eternity of the ice & the flickering moments that frolic across it. things die. when she watches from afar, the grief over their momentary loss is a lit match in her being—instead of cause for hysteria.

           she is traumatised & triggered by loss.            lacking mental healthcare, she still does know this.                managing the symptoms = keeping her distance.

                  she understands the trolley problem, but she is so fragile in some ways. a virtue so intense it passes into being a vice: if it’s hurting in front of her & hers, she cannot but do all that can be done to protect it. because someone should. add to that the screaming hysteria of a mind still controlled by past powerlessness... one day i’ll write down how she came to be lol but i’m going with the idea of making her someone who was human & ascended to godhood, which has thoroughly acquainted her with having no option to protect anything - only to endure, & watch others try- & fail -to do the same.

also toying with the whole ‘frozen/stuck in time’ theme because... khioniya vc: & i will simply not let myself move on c: i will honour every cause for sorrow i’ve ever witnessed when all i could do for it is feel—but this is not a conscious consideration. immortality might make one a little... clicks tongue. stagnant? stuck? no... it’s that if you know you will outlive most any changes, there is a point to be made for not changing along.

i think zhongli is a beautiful contrast to that, in that he remains involved with liyue’s evolving culture & so gets to continue to experience new things / stay alive in a shifting landscape while also in touch with the constancy of what lies beneath it. to not get complacent & stagnant. i can imagine an immortal’s life just passing much slower unless they interact with the things that are more fast-paced. preferences would be different for each person of course.

& since khioniya has been given such cause- & such an option -to numb herself, freeze her emotions that they cannot bite into her any more except by making her more numb to them... feeling so deeply & intensely, & having been caused such emotional trauma that the aftershocks just won’t quit-               & a lack of awareness of mental healthcare lmao— AND knowing she’s sacrificing her current nation for the sake of a potential peaceful future for some evolved version of it, or even one utterly separate from it—

yeah she’s staying numb. oh & THEN even if successful, finally to be in a position to mourn the staggering amount of sacrifices that had to be made to accomplish victory in war against celestia? hm! staying numb for millennia to come! if she doesn’t just crack & erode lol~

❖  harmburgers are people she allows herself to get attached to what with their increased resistance to death & various. mainly just bc she’s a) not gonna make it without allowing this ( which is part of why she’s so serene re: conflicting personalities. who cares? she’s dying of starvation. she’ll love. there is one thing she’s never capable of not doing ). b) bc well they ARE the biggest threats to. everything. lol. gotta stay on top of those at least-                 MAKE NO MISTAKE: this sense of connection, responsibility, & a nurturing type of care—does not mean they get along with each other!

[ enter childe = enter complication. ] [ enter la signora = enter complication. ] because they do share at least part of her vision. khioniya keeps the internal conflict to herself.

—but that’s not even the point of this complicated dance with an assortment of monsters. she is just, terminally incapable of not giving a fuck, of not feeling, & of not needing to do so. her harmburgers won’t make her stray from the ultimate goal of sacrificing whatever it takes to bring down celestia & let society develop anew—b e c a u s e they’re the shitbags who are ideologically the antithesis to her feelsy bullshit.                   the need to compensate for this inability to be indifferent, to do & keep doing what it takes to get something done. she understands the trolley problem, but at every moment- let alone each overt step -along the way to sacrificing those present before her for the chance at those that could come after them... every moment is one where all the considerations plague her. there’s too much space in her head not to fill it with all that. the amount of MENTAL PREPARATION required for her to act & follow through is, a lot. this goes for something like using orphans & turning them into soldiers: every moment she knows she could stop that. she could. & she doesn’t. & it fills her head with hell despite how pointless that is. she’s logical enough that the trolley problem motivates her. but also cripplingly sentimental.

          different moods make the choice easier. there’s a lot of rage in there, too. there is bloodlust. there is fury for the fact that human nature allows heinous things- & allows that ever-present apathy she cannot truly wrap her mind around. it’s scary. sometimes the sacrifices hurt in front of her & it only makes the trolley issue easier to tackle. other times it shuts her down completely.

pierro & his organisation are allowed to rule these efforts of world domination for she cannot follow through. in stops & starts, yes- but momentum must be built up to accomplish a feat like this. over recent centuries, she’s grown accustomed to it more. there is momentum built up in one’s coping with trauma as well: the more hell she allows freely despite possessing the power to stop it----well. the more important it is to follow through. the more unhinged she is in battle. the more genuinely she laughs along with her harmburgers.                     she never forgets herself,          but she’s never been a pacifist: violence begets the need for violence; to harm is to call for protection. she’s gotten to a point where some days, everything that dies & perverts by her tacit orders feels like progress. ( it is. ) where someone else’s blood in her mouth can be that of her soldier or that soldier’s enemy—each taste just as good.

she won’t forget what she’s fighting for anytime soon, but man... she’s getting fucked in the head. on a god’s timescale, it’s not far off.

#long post #still love her name??? it's so gorgeous. yesi found it on wikipedia HAHAHAHA #hc ✦ her majesty the tsaritsa #i want godess of love to mean godess of fucking LOVE bitch. if you don't know how to let go you're gonna get so- #lmao 'live long enough to see urself become the villain' #i just... #it's not a cutesy thing.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

ok well obviously I love pretty much everything you write. duh. but my personal favourite that I always come back to is Like the Blind Man. and not NOT just bc of the surprise Braxmana stuff that literally sent me over the edge when I first read it sdkjfhkshf. it's such a good exploration of Romana's emotional and mental state after returning from her imprisonment!! she's trying so hard to be normal but she'll never be able to go back to what she's trying to be as "normal" again!!! and LEELAAAAAAAAA showing up out of nowhere and seeing her and their instant connection even tho they barely talk to one another (and the HAIR CUTTING SCENEEE SDKJFHKSDHFKSDHFJ). and yes. also the Braxmana. bc I have FEELINGS about them ok??? there is so Much to their relationship and I love how you framed it in that fic. neither of them quite know what to do about the other but they both know they're essential to the other's survival and so. they're stuck in this weird limbo place where they just can't go forward or back. and sometimes things Happen but they can't acknowledge them ever bc that would be Breaking the Rules that they've set for themselves within whatever bizarre codependent slightly-toxic circular manipulative Thing they've got going on. aaaaaaaaaa.

not to sound egotistic or anything but Like the Blind Man is LITCHRALLY my magnum opus I think. like... that is. THE fic of mine in my head mayhaps. because DW/the DWEU was really the first fandom I truly engaged with and was SO foundational, so LTBM is a foundational fic in my writing history??? I hope that doesn't sound weird akskskdnfkskcnsk

Romana's Etra Prime trauma is SO important like that is a CORE aspect of who she is in the Gallifrey series (which is why season 6 made me absolutely insane; I didn't expect them to ACTUALLY ADDRESS IT, let alone THAT directly) and there's so much to explore. Brax is the last person she should trust but the only person she CAN trust just left and Brax is the closest thing to trustworthy she has. and I think, at this specific point in time, just this once, for her... he IS trustworthy. but only for her and only this once.

it's a very specific set of circumstances and really the only way anything like what I wrote could ever happen. immense vulnerability, but not so much that it truly becomes dangerous. even then, never that. and Leela!!!! Leela Leela Leela, willing to cry for those who can't or won't, willing to cut the hair of a woman she doesn't even know and who is the linchpin of allowing her life on Gallifrey to continue. these two, often quiet, observational women who share one thing, one person in common and nothing else, not yet, finding each other before they will actually fully find each other. again: very specific circumstances required to bring them together, just for a moment.

because it is the moment that those connections are most needed.

(the fic we're talking about, for reference!)

#Lu rambles #ask games #also I'm SO pleased that i managed to fit a les mis reference into a fic without it seeming trite or forced

[wuppydog]

CLICK IMAGE TO SEE FULL THING!!

I’M RLY HIGH AS FUUUUUCK TONIGHT (my new pill stash finally came in, yippee!!!!!) & like, Husband and We were talking abt something random that reminded me of my bff4e, a tiny, little, absolutely beautifully gorgeous, jewish lesbian girlboyboygirl sex worker (as well as their trans woman wife & their newest addition to the family: who is their older (to them she’s only a year older than me lol) trans woman butch gf). I was at the peak of my high just totally euphoric, & thinking of them just made my heart explode into a million billion trillion stars. they (lil jew lesbian) have been in my life since they were 17, we met right here on tumblr, actually. they are like 23(?) now and I just got so swollen up with genuine love for them and the two fantastic trans women they eventually introduced me to, & who also have become Our really really super close friends (their wife especially! older butch is newer so We haven’t gotten to know them as well yet, but We interact with each other on insta & We have talked to her for a while a few times!)

idk man—I guess I’m just posting these here (irl names crossed out ofc) to say: TELL YOUR FRIENDS HOW MUCH YOU LOVE AND APPRECIATE HOW THEY ARE A WARM, BEAUTIFUL, ALL-ENCOMPASSING LIGHT IN YOUR LIVES!!!!!

in our current time where the government, capitalism, extreme individualism, corporate greed, & literally just world wide suffering in general are at an all time extreme high……maybe try your best in every chance you get to create and maintain connections with people that make & help you feel good! & those people who you can make & help THEM feel better!! those people who support you in every way they are capable of, listen to & validate the pains & traumas of your life, & so many other incredibly beautiful things friends and lovers and communities can do for each other…..

and do the same for them‼️ love them with everything you’ve got, give them as much as you’re capable of giving at any given moment, unexpected or not (i.e., support—whether it is financial, emotional, psychological, societal…..). listen to your friends talk, literally just sit back & listen to them (whether that’s literally like irl convos, or more like watching their insta stories/posts & tumblr posts), ACTUALLY listen to them to the utmost best of your abilities!

teach each other things!!!! whether it’s a craft, a hobby, political info/opinions, anecdotes of their experiences. ask them questions about things you don’t know anything about, but know that they’re super into it or really knowledgeable/informed about it, or it’s literally because they were born into a situation &/or community that forced them to gather & share information & stories & history, etc., etc.

I’m still super high lmao so sorry if this sounds sappy and hippyish or all unicorns & rainbows. I know a lot of literally everyone’s day to day living situations fucking suck so much it feels like it’s impossible to keep on going. however, if and when you have friends??? lovers??? partners??? communities??? fucking keep them close to your heart and do everything you possibly can to keep them there! bc current society is trying their damndest to force individuals into solitude forever—REBEL AGAINST SOCIETY & FUCKING LOVE THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE AS HARD AS YOU CAN!!! whatever the word “friend” means to you…love those people with all you can possibly give.

—Cerberus 💜🐶

#long post #rant #love my friends #friendships #friendship #friends #platonic love #love #society #capitalism #government #idk what else to tag this as lil #lemme know if there are any more appropriate tags :^) #💜 #will’s friends

[lovelessnotheartless]

hello! i have only gotten one or two crushes in my life and I’m 17.. is that normal for allo people to experience? as for each crush too I’ve struggled engaging in any romantic acts or getting in a relationship in the first place bc of fear/shame/guilt/sometimes ick or disinterest feelings. ive also made up crushes before bc of my lack of them. I can’t imagine myself in romantic situations with anyone else besides my current partner even fictional characters and especially not after having a long emotional connection but even then likely not. i often don’t really feel much romantic attraction I think and sometimes it fades out into nothingness but sometimes I have bursts of it and do like imagining/doing romantic things with my partner. Could that just be allo or can I call that aro/aro spec? however I also am autistic and disordered in other ways that could hinder feelings of love/care towards others… so does it mean thsi can still be aro?

Hello!

These are all good questions, and I have answers!

First, having only 2 crushes by 17 can be an allo experience, but it can also be an arospec experience. Overall, it's a fairly neutral experience. I know both allo and arospec people who share that experience.

Next, you mentioned struggles engaging in relationships out of fear, guilt, and shame, which aren't typical reasons not to want relationships, but tend to come with trauma surrounding relationships or those feelings. For example, growing up, I was constantly told that relationships before the age of 18 were horrific and incredibly not allowed, and that relationships with people outside of specific requirements would have dire consequences. I then felt guilt and shame and fear around relationships and romance, but most people (allo or aro) don't experience those specific feelings unless they have some sort of trauma regarding romance or relationships. However, you also mentioned icky feelings and disinterest, which are much more aro experiences than allo ones.

The rest of what you went on to describe does sound pretty arospec to me, and I suggest looking into some arospec sublabels if you'd like a name for the feeling, such as arospike or aroflux.

Autism does not prevent you from being aromantic, and a lot of autistic people who have difficulties with relationships and understanding emotions relate to the arospec community and may identify as aromantic because of that difficulty, which is totally valid. If you feel it suits you, then go for it.

Hope this helped you out!

-Mod Mikey

#aro #ace #aromantic #loveless letters #asexual #aroace #lgbt #lgbtq #acespec #arospec

[melxncholymermxid]

Theory/Thoughts

The whole "men are less drama than women" ; "women can't really be friends with each other" attitudes many people (men and women) have are the results of how we're socialized.

And I'm not talking about women competing with each other, bc believe me men do as well. I'm talking about the deepness and complexity of what a friendship consists of.

Men have a "brotherhood" when they're a part of a group: sports, business, etc. Sisterhood is in everything.

Of course not every friend you make is like a sister, but way more women have deep friendships like that than men.

Also, for men, because of the macho emotional suppression many cultures have placed upon them since boyhood, making a "deep connection" is simple enough as sharing something personal or crying.

And a whole other factor comes into play with married women or those who have children.

Specific situation for me

My friend, who I've been in a rough patch with, said something to me while we were explaining how we each felt uncared for, and I haven't stopped thinking about it since.

While I was the one to start bringing up my issues with our relationship, she was the one who reached out socially first. We met for coffee a week or so ago, everything was fine, but we just caught up and didn't speak on anything about why we haven't seen each other in over a month.

I texted her a long block of text, trying to get out what I needed to communicate while also trying to be mindful and cautious with my words as to not seem angry/accusatory. She called the next morning and we talked.

She said to me, this isn't verbatim, that she would rather have some sort of unideal friendship than be alone. Not just because of emotional sadness, but for safety and wellbeing.

She has a lot of health issues, seizures being one of them. Her and her ex are sharing custody more often. In the almost two months we had apart, she had three of them where she lost time, one of which she fell and injured herself.

I've taken this to mean that she doesn't want to actually be my friend, but she feels that I'm a safe enough person to keep in her life.

This is what I'm still hung up on .

On one hand, I wanna say fuck you, I'm worth more than what I can do for you.

But on the other hand, as much as it doesn't feel good, I understand why she's the way she is. She isn't safe alone, she does need support systems, she has been failed by so many people in her life.

But it still feels bad. Her sharing how she finally felt, after I finally got her to open up a dialogue, she confirmed so many of my insecurities I have about what I am to her.

Back to the original topic:

This is not a situation a man would have to deal with. If you're a man and you're mad at your boy, you don't have to worry about "if I leave him alone, he's not going to be safe/survive".

Men don't have to worry about being a misandrist for dumping a friend who said something hurtful to them, regardless of where that friend is in life.

It's so common for men to not have deep friendships, and to only talk to coworkers or neighbors, but it feels like women are much more likely to be totally alone.

After my situation, it would be so easy to cut my friend out of my life and carry the trauma from this relationship around forever and never attempt to make a friend ever again. However, if I were in her shoes I probably wouldn't be able to do that either.

In conclusion

I don't know how to navigate these feelings. I don't wanna be a doormat who just listens to everyone's beck and call, but I don't want to continue this behavior of just abandoning ship either.

And back to the original topic of this post, I don't know how to balance any of this without also taking into consideration a) what I "should be doing as a woman" and b) should that even matter.

Because on one hand, yes. As someone who has been with my friend through ups and downs, I should always try to be mindful of her feelings and her situation. I can't only wanna be friends when things are good.

But conversely, I am my own person who should get to feel cared about and wanted, not just needed for support.

#long post #sorry #im genuinely so fucked in the head over this #the 'my friend' saga again #are yall tired of me treating my dash like therapy yet?

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

#if you told me i'd be doing this in 2020 three weeks ago i'd have laughed in your face :/ #deancas #supernatural #fic recs #spn femslash #destiel #fic #the alie tag #spn posting

[thehobblefootalchemist]

1 and 29 for those two science gays from Prometheus (i'm so sorry I've forgotten the ship name)

MILLFIELD MY BELOVED

1. Who makes the first move and how?

They're mutually pining idiots your honor, so it takes them eons after they've both fallen to even consider the possibility that it's not unrequited; headcanoning abound, Fifield is gray-ace demi-ro so it takes him a while to even process those feelings kicked up, and Millburn's always craved emotional connection but is used to never receiving it bc of a series of advantage-taking partners, and prior to meeting Fifield fell into a pattern of using flirtation as bluster to cover up his melancholy about never expecting anyone to want him as a life partner. Their first meeting was pretty much Millburn pulling that flirtation, but after their shared trauma experience he scaled it way back and toned those signals down in favor of respecting the boundaries of Fifield's that he learned over time and showing his care and interest in that way instead.

They end up respecting each other's boundaries so hard that their respective anxiety disorders ironically make it take way longer than necessary for them to realize that their affections are not only okay but actively wanted. The Moment(TM) is mundane and all the more significant for it: pretty much Millburn is going on about something that makes him happy, and Fifield's ribcage is almost physically cracking with affection just watching him, which Millburn picks up on and breaks off to ask if Fifield is okay. Fifield bites the bullet and admits "I want to kiss you" in the kind of whisper you confess a crime in, and after he's recovered from the baseball bat to the head that that information is for him Millburn responds "I want you to kiss me."

That ends up just the way you might expect!

29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love?

They're both neurodivergent and take great solace in the other learning and accommodating their patterns and needs, and they both get heart eyes when the other goes on a tangent about their special interests (Fifield almost proposes on the spot when Millburn gives him a rock and says 'this made me think of you'). And after so long by themselves it feels great for each of them to have a verbal sparring partner to give affectionate snark to and also have an "us against the world" dynamic.

#hobble answers things

[queer-crusader]

How do you think Silver & Flint's relationship would have evolved if things hadn't ended the way they did in S4? How do you think things would have progressed through time? I tend to think about the what ifs a lot. I'm just curious what your thoughts are on it.

OOFT. I mean i have many thoughts! It’s... very hard to say really. Because i think one thing Black Sails does incredibly well is the way it builds a story and a character. Many choices made in this show are so dependent on what the characters want and who they intrinsically are and how they influence each other (willingly/knowingly or not), and i feel like there are many very complex interwoven roads that led them to the conclusion they got to. Which is one of the many reasons the finale felt like such a tragedy; you know things are going to end badly because you kind of see it coming. And dear god it does hurt, even with Flint being reunited with Thomas.

So. I think there are two ways to answer this question, and you can sort of divide them into canon-ish versus fanon wish. These may not exactly be clearly indicated bc like i said i have Many Thoughts, and i apologise in advance 😅 Another thing i’ll be looking at here is something we had to lay out for our characters when i studied acting - the goals/objectives/motivations of the character, and their emotional/mental state. None of this is meant to be critical against any character. I simply adore analyising them and the paths of the story, and I love each and every character i talk about here deeply.

So, looking at that finale. There’s several things that i could take from what you say about things not ending the way they did - for now, i’m looking at the confrontation between Flint and Silver in the woods, where Silver forces Flint to quit his war and reunites him with Thomas.

Firstly, let’s analyse what we get from the canon, and what i believe motivates these characters to bring them to the point they end up at. There’s that famous line i think of Silver where he says he doesn’t know anymore where he ends and Flint begins - their thinking patterns have become so intertwined, they basically share a braincell. The tricky thing about this is, just because he and Flint think similarly, share tactics, and a knowledge of how to use people in their means, just because they understand each other well, doesn’t mean they share opinions and morals. Flint especially seems to forget this. He believes Silver is with him in his cause to end Imperial rule. But from Silver’s final actions, it’s clear Silver values his personal wants and needs above that of this abstract crowd of people. He’s not oppressed - or hasn’t felt the effects of Imperial/religious oppression (as far as we canonically know) like Flint and Madi have. And that means he doesn’t have the same drive. He’s driven by his personal connections to these people, i believe, purely from his own point of view. Like, i suspect he struggles to place himself in the shoes of Madi or Flint to feel their pain and motivation. He can see it, he just... doesn’t fully grasp it. (There’s also a question of whether he wishes to, but i feel nowhere NEAR qualified on answering that, nor do i think the canon gives us enough material to give a perfectly cut & dry answer.)

So you have this big miscommunication. Flint believes that, because he and Silver have basically become one shared braincell, they have the same goals, while Silver is still driven from a point of selfishness. (Side-note: there was a moment in the show he became selfless! He wouldn’t give up his crew when faced with torture from Vane’s quartermaster! But then he lost a leg over it and it seemed to dampen that selflessness. I think from there on, moments where he seems to be motivated by the good of the crew come instead from an internal need to belong and be loved more so than a genuine sense of brotherhood. That brotherhood may still have been there, but i think he might have suppressed that instinct a little and instead let the more selfish needs take more of a front seat. Understandable and not bad/evil, like that’s super valid of him. But my point is, he’s not exactly ready to fight for another man’s cause he doesn’t have as much of a personal emotional profit in, especially when he knows it’ll end in certain death for everyone he cares about and he knows cares about him.)

So that’s sort of where the characters are mentally in that climax. I may be skirting details and summarising a bit hastily, but it’s also been a GOOD while since i’ve watched season 4, so i apologise. Flint (and Madi as well - she plays an equally important role i think!) is fuelled by a mix of rage born from oppression/discrimination, and a protectiveness for others who may suffer the same fate. Silver meanwhile is fuelled by a need much closer to home - to be loved and to keep those he cares for and deems important to him alive and around. I’ve framed it as their emotional drive, but really it is also their goal, their objective in that finale. Flint and Madi are looking to burn down an oppressive system while Silver... isn’t. For him, their goals stand directly in the way of his. And by the end of the show, he’s gained enough power to prevail in his objective, cancelling out those of Flint and Madi.

So, could it have gone differently? I think, if we wanna play with canon and keep it as close to canon as possible... It seems almost impossible. These people’s goals just do not align. (There’s that sweet sweet tragedy again.) So what you need for it to go differently in short is for one of, if not several, of these people to change their goal. But we’re talking their MAIN objective, their main driving force at this point in the show - so like, the chances of that are slim. ESPECIALLY if we’re talking about the canon characters. After all, for that, the characters would need to look inside themselves and fucking face up to some of their issues and work on them. (This is something which these characters are not very prone to do, bc jesus it’s a mess in there and if that were me i’d preferably not turn introspective either and be forced to look at all that.)

So if we wanted Flint to change his goal, he’d need to come to terms with the Empire being untouchable - which is bullshit bc like my man has a POINT, just because they seem to be able to be brought down doesn’t mean they ain’t - and to accept the homophobia and oppression they treated him and Thomas with, which, yeah fuck that, absolutely not, his rage and his goals are valid as FUCK. If we wanted to change Madi’s - lmao like listen i understand wanting her and Silver happy together bc we ship EVERYTHING in this house, but she’s poc and proper royalty and wants to end slavery. We ain’t touching her goals. So that just leaves Silver. Silver would need to face a part of himself that keeps him from placing Flint’s goals, or Madi’s goals, over his own. (I suspect we circle back to that insecurity and need to be loved, which defo stems from whatever trauma he swears doesn’t affect who he is today.) So for that he’d uhh... need therapy. And a shit tonne of it. But then you still have the issue that Flint and Madi will likely fight their war (bc they DESERVE IT), which may lead to what Silver considers inevitable - that they will die early and horribly, and he ends up all alone.

So, looking at playing with the canon-ish to change things? It’s gonna end in tragedy. There’s doesn’t seem any other way about it, i fear; not with the way these characters were written, with who they are and what drives them and what they want. If it doesn’t end in tragedy in one way, then almost certainly in another.

So what are our other options? What if we look at the fanon wish - whether it’s silverflint, or silvermadi, or madisilverflint, or just to have these kids be fucking happy? Well, you know what? Maybe it DOESNT have to end up in tragedy. Maybe, if Silver does align himself with the goals of the people he loves - after learning to communicate and place himself in other people’s shoes and prioritise the needs of his loved ones and compromising and all that jazz (god this boy needs therapy that only the fanon can likely give him, rip) - he could join them in their war. And maybe, his genius and creativity and quick wit will in fact propel their cause forward and help so much, none of them dies an early gruesome death. It’s not impossible! It just requires that sweet sweet character growth he doesn’t get the opportunity for in canon.

Another option, and this one is perhaps a little more plausible if the show had no episode limit or a desire to end in tragedy and “align” itself with “history” (they’ve played fast and loose with real history i’ve learned, and like,, it’s a story about fictional characters so why did it have to align itself with history?? Okay fine, as a prequel to Treasure Island, it still needed to end in tragedy for Silver bc we know where he ends up. Were there no Treasure Island and no rules and we could do what we wanted with the show and write a new ending, then what?). This one is more popular, you see it in loads of fics and i like it a lot. Silver sends Flint to the plantation. Flint and Thomas break out and get their war anyway. They’re pissed at Silver for a bit for being a selfish dick shitting on Flint’s dreams, but like,, it’s not as if it stopped Flint. (We can even look at it like Silver knew they’d probably fight their war and have better odds with Thomas in the mix, giving them a better opportunity - but like, that’s just a fun headcanon to play with that i don’t think aligns with what he explicitly states to want in canon.) And then, after some years, everyone learns to communicate and talk things out and maybe, maybe, Silver grows a bit and things become healthier between him and Flint.

Listen, the moral of the story is this. I love all the ships in this show. I think they’re all neat, and i love the different iterations in which people bring them to life and try to align them with canon. Do i think that with the canon we’ve been given, silverflint could happen? Maybe. Would it be healthy?? I mean... Probably not 😅 but like, that doesn’t prevent me from shipping it. (That’s not the point of shipping - sometimes you just wanna see that sweet sweet chemistry pay off, even tho u know it ain’t healthy. The characters are fictional. It’s okay. No-one will get hurt - apart from maybe you if you end up romanticising it and taking that into real life but ooft that’s a whole other kettle of fish.) But god, that’s the fucking JOY of fanfics ya know?? It may also be why i enjoy writing my modern au so much xD therapy is an option, and canon means even less than usual. All im saying is, when it comes to the relation between silver and flint, the fan community are a fucking godsend. You want them to be friends?? We got fics for that! Want them to bone? SO many fics for that! Want a sort of father-son role?? Uhh nowhere near enough fics for that, but the fandom’s still active so you never know! Partners in crime?? Hell YEAH that has potential, even in canon i think if u just stretch out fan-written episodes far enough!! (God can you imagine the POTENTIAL?? Ignore the war, the grittiness, the drama. Get me some pirate hijinks where the stakes are low but they’re still sharing a braincell.)

(Hmm. Now i need to add another idea to my WIP list lmao xD)

Anywayyy, hope this satisfies ur curiosity anon!!

#sorry it took me 2 days to answer #i just have Many Thots™ and i wanted to give this the care it deserves #i swear when i saw this question i was like 'you ask MOI???' #thank u so much tho this was so much fun to delve into #analysing character objectives and obstacles was one of my favourite things i learned studying acting #black sails #black sails meta #anne speaks #questions answered #anon #also id like to point out once more that jusr bc im critical of these characters doesnt mean i judge or hate on them #i ADORE a flawed character like thats literally the sexiest thing #okay okay im off to bed #writing ideas

[bionic-penis]

Here it is! Before we get into it I'd just like to say that I sent this all in discord and so i dont use the most academic language and i also had to cut out some bits where I was speaking/replying to friends :)

Okay so maybe Yang and Blake are just good friends, I can see that, but the storyline and all their major character events are so intertwined that it wouldnt make sense not to make them a couple

Spoilers for literally everything

But in my defense its been seven years

Anyway Yang and Blake's stories dont start getting seriously interconnected until around volume 3, but we do see them being closer to eachother than the rest of team rwby (save for Yang and Ruby but they're sisters so it doesnt count)

When Blake is stressed out over the White Fang in Volume 2, it takes Yang to snap her out of it

Also a lot of people have mentioned this but I'm gonna say it again for those who havent heard it but colours and weapons matter in rwby. They're a key element in the show

ahem

Colours play a big part in the design and storytelling aspect and rwby and its no coincidence that Yang eyes are purple and Blakes are yellow, which are eachothers like signature colours outside of Blakes black

But even more than that is weapons

As we learn from Ruby in the first Volume, a lot of students make their own weapons and, as it is constantly reiterated, weapons are an extension of the self in RWBY. They're not just a tool to be tossed around

In the show we see little instances of people interacting with and using other peoples weapons. There's that one scene where Ruby uses one of Penny's swords to defend Pyrrah, but that was out of necessity. however, over and over again we see Yang interacting with Blake's weapon, Gambol Shroud

As someones mentioned before, an entire moveset of theirs is dependent on it

So it's clear that these two characters are incredibly close

Moving on from that point, Id like to analyze the incidents thst occur in volume 3 and following events that further Yang and Blakes connection

In volume 3 after Yang "breaks" Mercurys leg due to Emeralds illusion, she sits in the dorm room surrounded by her teammates, yet the scene singles out Yang and Blake. When Yang asked if they (her team) believed her, Ruby and Weiss are ready to say yes, but Blake hesitates. Yang and Blake then share a moment where Blake explains that shes trusted people before who turned out to be cruel. She asks Yang to look her in the eyes and tell her that she (Yang) is telling the truth. Yang does so and Blake believes her this level of affirmation from one another is so unlike the rest of Team RWBY and even Team JNPR

Ofc in the dorm scene the person Blake is talking about is Adam, her abusive and possessive ex. Obviously your relationship with an abusive person effects any and all interactions/relationships, regardless of their extent, but I think it bears mentioning

Continuing on in the events of volume 3 when Beacon is being attacked and Blake is confronted by Adam, he has her pinned down and says something along the lines of "I am going to destroy everything that you love". Unfortunately this is when Yang happens to stumble into the scene. Horror is prominent on Blakes face. Yang sees Adam over Blake and yells at him before charging forward, which is when Adam cuts her arm off. It's a very emotional scene imo. Blake then uses her semblance to get her and Yang to safety

So let's analyze this

Adam specifically singled Yang out

Ofc yang was the only one there at the time but Adam didnt say "starting with your little teammates" he said "starting with her". Ofc this could just be me cherrypicking but I think that word choice has meaning

Regardless, this is an intense moment for Yang and Blake that really welds their stories together, romantic or not

In volume 4 Yang and Blake take a break from one another-- Jk but theyre separated. After the events at Beacon, and especially after what happened to Yang, Blake runs. And we get to see both women dealing with this and trying to come to terms with it. Yang is bitter. She's angry that Blake, specifically, left her. And Blake feels like she had to run away to keep everyone, specifically Yang, safe

In Volume 5 we dont get much interaction at all between Yang and Blake aside from the same feelings represented in Volume 4, but these are put on the back burner for Blakes White Fang arc

However these feelings take a forward play in Yangs mind and she even voices these feelings to Weiss and Ruby

I take a deep breath

Volume 6, Blake and Yang are together again but tensions are high. They have to learn how to be together again. When Blake and Yang finally have alone time in the shed, Blake expresses how she won't leave, which comforts Yang. However, Blake continues on to say how she will protect Yang to which Yang gets mad and the moment is ruined.

Despite this, Yang and Blake are still going strong and trying to make things work by being there and supporting each other

Yang and Blake's arc for Volume 6 reaches its peak in the fight against Adam. In this fight we see both women fighting the actual source of their trauma. One thing id like to note about this fight is that Blake starts it alone but is joined by Yang, who tells her to catch her breath. This fight is the first major fight Blake and Yang have fought together in a long time. And its amazing. During the fight, Adam screams at Yang in anger and jealousy, asking "WHAT DOES SHE SEE IN YOU?" And saying that she (Blake) cant protect Yang to which Blake replies "I'm not protecting her. And she's not protecting me." MIRRORING the conversation in the shed

the fight ends with Yang and Blake stabbing Adam through with Gambol Shroud, killing him

Now theres some little things id like to point out with this fight, aside from the amazing chemistry between Blake and Yang and the awesome choreography

Its during this fight that we learn about Adams semblance (magic power basically), which is that any hit he absorbs with his sword, he can return with greater force. This is a corruption of Yang's semblance, where any hit she takes herself she can return with greater force

Now why do I think this is significant? Because rwby is all about symbolism. I think Adam's semblance was specifically chosen to mirror Yangs. Adam doesnt have to deal with pain, he just deflects it, which is how his relationship with Blake plays out. She tries to let him off easy, she tells him to leave her alone, but he just can't take the hint, just like he can't take a hit. However, Yang does take the hits. Yang takes them all and it makes her stronger. She empathizes with Blake and works with her. Adam doesnt have to deal with the pain his actions cause because he doesnt care. This reflects Yangs extremely empathetic personality. Yang knows what consequences her actions can have. She can take the pain

Another thing id like to point out is Adam's behaviour during the fight. He lashes out as Yang for getting in between Blake and him, blaming her for his flaws. He targets her just like in Volume 3. I think this was done purposefully

Another thing is Yang runs Bumblebee off the cliff to help Blake! Her bike! I think this is important bc yang loved her bike. It was part of her brand for the longest time. Perhaps running it off the cliff in the fight vs Adam is a nod to growing by letting things go? Idk I just feel like its an important beat

In Volume 7 we see Yang and Blake working together more regularly again with even a few flustered glances (maybe). Marrow even mentions that they never pair up with anyone else to which they respond with a cool fight scene this feels like the extent of their interaction since Volume 7 focuses more on ruby

Volume 8 isnt finished but there is one line that I think is important which is when Yang asked Jaune if "she'll think bad of me if we fail?" To which Jaune responds "Ruby's your sister" and Yang says "yeah... Ruby..." LIKE EXCUSE ME?

[I take some time to riff with my friends and partner before continuing]

ANOTHER THING

Adam BREAKS Gambol Shroud during their fight, mirroring how Yang, once again, works with Blake and Gambol Shroud. This is yet another example of Adam being violent and abusive towards Blake where Yang is sympathetic and kind. Theyre set up to be narrative opposites

Even though both Adam and Yang are both hot heads, utilize a similar semblance, and both have a deep connection with Blake, they are not the same bc Yang trusts and appreciates Blake while Adam does not

Also Adam and Yang both share the same sentiment of "Blake left me" but whereas Adam lashes out at Blake, Yang is mostly frustrated. Unlike Yang, Adam never attempts to work it out with Blake, which is where the two differ greatly. Yang is willing to listen whilst Adam is not

TLDR: uh give me Bmblb content right now Roosterteeth or I will suck the marrow from ur bones

#rambles #rwby tag #rwby #bmblb #YES IM PUTTING IT IN THE MAIN TAGS I DESERVE IT #also i wrote this like a few episodes or so into v8 so 🤧

[alto-angel]

in this post, i would like to present my thesis on why the song metaphor by the crane wives belongs to goro akechi.

"i've gotten good at leaning on metaphors": goro's speech as the detective prince is very flowery, exaggerated, and calculated, in order to please the crowds of people with their eyes trained on him at all times. public appearances, television shows, and interviews are all very important for his image, and as such he's forced to adapt his speech and choose his wording carefully to appease those watching. robbie daymond especially does a very good job of vocally pushing the line of politeness into a tone that sounds just a bit too sugary to be genuine, but not something u would notice unless u were listening closely.

"i've gotten good at living on someone else's page": much like the first line, this one can also refer to goro's public image. because he's put an immense amount of work into his life as the detective prince, he aims to please. or at least, he needs to act as though he does. in order to keep up appearances, he needs to be able to get a read of those around him and keep himself on the same wavelength as them. this also applies to shido—not only does goro need to please his fans, but shido as well, in order to stay one step ahead of him. goro is purposefully putting himself on eggshells every day of his life, and in order to keep that up as well as keep himself safe, this is what he has to practice.

"i cut my teeth on secondhand sentiments": goro is often forced to follow a script, or at least an embellished, public-friendly version of his own thoughts. the things that he says when acting as the detective prince are rarely ever his own thoughts as they would be presented in normal conversation. goro has to hide his true opinion of the phantom thieves behind crowd pleasing buzzwords, keep up appearances by catering his opinions, and even quotes philosophers and other literature ("to paraphrase hegel"). the things that he says as detective prince goro akechi are rarely ever entirely his own, and he's gotten very good at tailoring his speech.

"you can't trust a single thing i say": this one, i think, is fairly self-explanatory. the "you" doesn't just apply to the phantom thieves, but to those goro works with as well. what is it he says to sae; "to trick your enemies, you must first trick your allies"? he uses deception to get what he wants, but his primary motivation for it is to move his plan forward, and to protect himself. obviously, if he were honest with shido, he would've been killed on the spot. goro's proficiency with lies isn't just a tool he uses, but a defense mechanism as well. bc of his fear of and difficulty grasping the concept of opening up to someone, through that skill, he is able to keep himself closed off and in control (that is, until he meets akira).

"i keep my closet free of skeletons": this one strikes me as irony, personally. goro's closet is so full of skeletons that it's practically bursting at the seams. but as the detective prince, something like that just isn't allowed. he needs to play the part, otherwise he pays the price. as himself, as goro akechi, he's got so many skeletons in his closet that he probably can't open the door anymore. but as the detective prince, he has to uphold an air of perfection that seems unattainable to others. goro as the detective prince is the epitome of the culture behind the idolization of celebrities, and the way others place and expect them on pedestals of something near godhood, far above the rest of the world.

"cause i'm much better at digging graves": well, goro akechi is certainly no stranger to the art of killing someone without a trace. we have no idea how many shutdowns or breakdowns he induced over the course of his professional relationship with shido. but i also think this lyric in tandem with the one right before it could relate to goro's tendencies towards repression; the idea that he cannot and should not have any "demons" or "skeletons"—such as past traumas, meaningful relationships, or feelings that he's jammed down and shut the closet doors on, if u will—bc since vengeance is his only objective, then digging graves is his primary task, or the only thing he's good for, in his mind. the word skeletons doesn't have to represent mistakes specifically, but could also refer to how goro views his own heart and how he deals with his emotions. something like, he feels he shouldn't deal with all that turbulence, bc he's far better at warping it into anger—something that he's used to dealing with, and can easily rationalize. the more complicated emotions, not so much.

"but i always dig up bones in your sympathy": this is where i start connecting things to goro and akira specifically. another definition of sympathy entails two people who share an understanding of each other. doesn't that sound like goro and akira to u? so, if u take these lyrics to be from goro to akira, it feels to me like this one could represent his regrets/desire to leave his situation. according to rank seven of his confidant in royal, we know that goro is practically screaming for help before the events of sae's palace. unfortunately, as the player, we are not able to save him. but i think this lyric could represent his desire to connect with akira despite his better judgement—"dig up bones," as in; i'll still arrive at the decision to bury them in the first place, but bc we have an understanding, i'll show u as well as i can that i do not want to be doing this. and that's exactly how rank seven with goro plays out, through the metaphor of a billiards game.

"i can't trust a single thing you say": this could refer to the fact that both goro and akira are withholding truths from each other throughout their relationship, and since they are of equal standing, the same deception that applies to goro would apply to akira as well, albiet in a far different way. however, i can also see it as an unwillingness on goro's part; he feels as though he cannot trust akira not bc akira is truly lying to him, but bc there's no other way for him to rationalize the fact that akira cares for him and wants to spend time with him. as goro akechi, not the detective prince. goro can't trust the kindness akira extends to him not only bc he's used to conditional love (shido, foster parents, etc.), but also bc he doesn't feel as though he deserves it. goro does not have a very high image of himself, as we see later on, and it's easy to see throughout his confidant that he cannot quite understand why someone would want to spend time with him, and not the perfectly crafted version of him that he presents to everyone else.

"don't look too hard, cause you won't like the scars he left in me": the "he" here refers to shido. shido is the sole reason for all of goro's trauma and hardships. he has scarred goro more than anyone else in his life. and goro's sharing of these traumas is very limited: he opens up seemingly out of nowhere, before immediately retreating under the guise of things like "oh, that isn't like me," or "oh, am i bothering u?" such as the scenes that take place in leblanc and the bathhouse. goro cannot fathom the fact that someone (akira) would wish to get to know him, as he is, so he assumes that a normal interaction between friends is somehow too much transparency, and keeps himself at a distance. he mistakes his feelings for akira as hatred, right? obviously, that's entirely the wrong word to describe them. but if goro himself believes that he hates akira, he would likely believe akira to hate him as well; as evidenced by the fact that the dialogue options which give u the most points are the ones where u mention ur "rivalry"—bc again, goro cannot rationalize his emotions as anything other than negative; anger, hatred, etc. it's far easier for goro to blurt out the words "i hate u" rather than "i love u," or "i care for u," isn't it? and this is how he keeps himself at enough of a distance, although simultaneously feels himself drawing closer. emotional closeness is not something goro is well versed in, and bc goro has built his image on being talented and skilled, he refuses to reveal his shortcomings.

"i've gotten good at making up metaphors": the words here are only slightly different than the ones at the beginning, which i think works for goro's further descent into his deal with shido, and subsequent difficulty. instead of "leaning" on metaphors, he's completely making them up. it's more drastic, which could represent a sort of desperation. almost as if he's losing his touch—which we do see after the events of sae's palace, during the tv interview where he monologues internally about his backstory, and we start to really see how damaged he is. goro is frazzled and distraught, enough for it to visibly show, something he prided himself on being able to avoid.

"i've gotten good at stretching the truth out of shape": again, the same situation as before. similar to the beginning, with slightly harsher wording. the lies that goro is immersing himself in are getting more intense, and almost impossible to separate from. his "murder" of akira is a turning point, in a way; akira is the first and only character we see goro kill in what he believes to be outside of the metaverse. he's not only stretching the truth out of shape, but he himself is bent out of shape as well—this stuck out to me on my ng+ run; his sprites in the scene just after akira is reported to be dead from him to shido are very unsettling and absent, as if he's almost completely zoning out. it's a very jarring scene to watch, and i think at least part of that has to be due to the severity of his actions.

"and all these words are sweet and meaningless": this feels to me, if we're going by the timeline i've been suggesting throughout all this, like it's directed at shido. now that akira is dead and the phantom thieves are no longer a threat to goro's plan for revenge, he can focus his energy back on his original objective. goro lays it on incredibly thick in his scenes with shido, so much so that it sometime surprises me that he didn't realize shido was onto him. again with the more intense wording here, which fits with the events i'm corresponding it with.

"you can't trust a single thing i say": now this wording is exactly the same as the first time, but given the progression of everything i've talked about, i take this as a sort of last word to both shido and akira. goro intends to follow through with his vengeance no matter the cost, and this could read as a final nail in that coffin. the song repeats this lyric four times, as well. if i wanted to keep it up all the way up to the engine room scene, and go completely off the rails in the process, i could say that the first iteration of this line is an affirmation to both shido and akira that his revenge takes precedence, therefore it would be stupid to trust him. the second is an affirmation to himself that he is in fact doing the right thing, and everything will pay off in the end, that this is just the way things are supposed to be, as always. the third is a kind of plea, born from confusion, after he's defeated by the theives and they offer to bring him with them to take down shido, an offer he cannot fathom the reason for extending. a sort of "why would u trust me" in the form of "u shouldn't trust me." and the fourth would refer directly to goro speaking to his cognitive self; as he decieves the deciever, making it seem as though he is running back to shido only to close the bulkhead door and resign himself to his "noble" sacrifice.

i hope at least some of this makes any semblance of sense. put this song on ur goro playlists, goroboys.

#persona #persona 5 #persona 5 royal #p5 #p5r #goro akechi #character analysis

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hii! May i ask for a slice of cake? (If you can ofc)

So im a INFP-T virgo im also 4"11 i have dark brown hair it because wayy lighter near the sun. Also dark brown eyes my hair is cut kinda like a shag like the front is cut but the back isn't (bc of my parents) my style is grunge ig? Im very inlove with fairy style Smm but because im broke i cant really fulfil my love for that style (also probably because of my parents). My body is???? Okay my boobies are medium size and no unfortunately I don't have a fat ass 😕 im not chubby but at the same time im not skinny. Like the most fat goes to my tummy I get rolls when I sit down bath blah you get my point (im pretty insecure about it lolol). One of my two main dreams is to study abroad and become an interior decorator.

I dont know how to describe my personality but I will try. My best friend always tells me that my sense of humour is downhill BAD. I would laugh at the dumbest shit ever for example i laughed one of those pixilated bugs pics with random names on the bottom 💀 also I laugh at my own trauma and stuff that shouldn't be laughed at. I kinda have anger issues 😕 I get unmotivated pretty easily. I rant to my best friend alot and she says that im ✨depressed✨ and have ✨anxiety✨ and that i need therapy. Im scared to rant to my parents because im "too young and its just my hormones". Something that I found out about myself this year is i have chill tics 😦 (from anxiety). Outside im nice and sweet but on the inside my mind is just saying other things. Im SOMETIMES cold and say what's on my mind but thats to my close ones like my mom dad or friends. I dont lie going Outside alot I think school is kinda useless. I like to draw and listen to music my fav artist are mother mother and mitski.

I hope i didn't say TOO much anyway thank youu I hope you have/had a great day :)

🍰 for @shotosimp2

Romantic Matchup

Oikawa Tooru

How yall met

Ok im ngl

Y'all had know clue who each other were

Well that's a lie

Of course you knew who Oikawa was

But you just didn't care

Now Oikawa always saw you around school

You know...in the school uniform

But one day

He saw you outside of school in all of your grunge glory

And apart of him was like bitch wtf

And the other was like ok queen i see you 😗

So he approached you and complimented your outfit

And you said thanks and then ran off to wherever you were heading

Wait

You just said thanks???

No fan girling????

Not even a blush??????

Nothing????????????

OIKAWA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

Ok he would understand that reaction if you were just a stranger on the street

But you went to school with him?

So you had to know who he was right?

Yeah my mans had a whole ass crisis because you didn't have a bigger reaction

The next day he went to Iwa and told him about his interaction with you

And he was just like not everyone was to like you ya know

Oikawa: >:o

Then Iwa had a brilliant idea

Get this

Maybe

Oikawa should BEFRIEND you before expecting you to want to talk to him

Wild theory I know

So now Oikawa had a new goal

Befriending you

It actually wasn't that hard since you both had a lot of classes together

Soon enough you guys became close friends

And oikawa was happy with just being your friend

At least...he thought he was

But everything changed when you told him you were going to study abroad for 3 months

And even though you had each others numbers

Everything without you just seemed so dull

Omg

Did he really have feelings for you?

The more time that passed by the more he was sure that he liked you

Like LIKED liked you

So the day you came back to Japan is when he confessed to you

And well you'd be lying if you said you hadn't caught feelings for him too

So you said yes

What they love about you

He loves how normal you treat him

Now hell admit when he first met you he kinda wanted you to treat him like a celebrity

Expected it even

But the more time he spent around you

The more he realized how much he liked being treated normally

Ok screw what your friend says

He loves your humor!

Yall will laugh at the dumbest shit

If we were to look at you and Oikawa's messages

85% of it would be dumb ass memes

And honestly

This boy makes jokes about his trauma too

“Hey Y/N you wanna hear a joke?”

“Sure”

“My existence”

“...”

“...”

“Ayyyyy”

“Ayyyyy”

He loves how easy it is to talk to you

Like he's told you things he hasn't even told Iwa before

And Iwa is his CHILDHOOD BESTIE

So yeah

Trust between you two

ASTRONOMICAL

What you love about them

You love how supportive he is

If you say you wanna do something

He is right behind you cheering you on

You could tell him you want to commit arson

And he'd just be like

Period queen ill bring the gasoline 💅

You can always count on this man to be in your corner

Speaking of

You can always count on oikawa period

Which is another thing that you love about him

If oikawa is anything

He is a man of his word

If he says hes gonna do something

You know he's gonna do it

He's just overall a really reliable person

You love how he just seems to motivate you to do better

Fr after you guys started dating your grades went

Partly because you felt like you needed to compete with him

But mostly because he just motivates and pushes you to do better

And if you do improve on something

He is HYPING you up

“That's my baby! I knew you could do it!”

Favorite things to do together

Yall love to just go to the store and window shop

Im sorry but yall are some broke hoes

So most of the time it's just you guys trying on clothes in the dressing room

Taking pictures of your outfits

Then leaving

Yeah the store employees kinda hate you…

But who cares what they think

And if you two do have some pocket cash you'll buy one or two things

Then blow the rest of your money on that good mall food

Cause why not

Random Hc

He makes fun of your guys height difference ALL THE TIME

But like, can you blame him????

You're not even 5 feet tall!!!

“Imagine being the size of a 10 year old, couldn't be me”

Imagine being taller than the national average height 😐, couldn't be me”

“Touche”

He let you dress him up as an E-Boy ONCE

Ngl tho he dug the eyeliner look 😗

He called you every day while you were studying abroad

He even sent you a oikawa plushie

You may or may not have sent him a video of you drowning it

When you came back to Japan he legit TACKLED you in the middle of the airport

Astrology

Virgo + Cancer

Compatibility 80%

Cancer and Virgo can have a wonderful connection and are usually brought together by sexual understanding.

The main problem of their relationship is in the possible conflict between emotional Cancer and reasonable Virgo.

If they manage to overcome this, accepting each other’s shortcomings and learning to incorporate some rationality or some emotion into their lives, they could end up in an inspiring relationship that will last for a very long time.

In a way, they complement each other as much as the heart complements the mind.

If they share a spark of love, it would be a shame to miss the opportunity for happiness just because of someone’s irrational expectations or someone’s closed heart.

If someone can help Virgo build their trust, it is their Cancer partner.

Although Cancer is a cardinal sign, they are stable by nature, especially when it comes to emotional decisions they have made.

If they have chosen Virgo to be their loving partner, they will have no reason to lie or cheat.

This behavior would only endanger their vision of a shared life and a loving family they want with the partner they chose.

This is also a reason why Cancer won’t have an initial problem with trusting Virgo.

Their convictions are stronger than their doubt.

Overall Aesthetic

Grunge Glamour ✨

Songs -

Tia tamera (Doja Cat)

Verbratem (mother mother

Literal Legend (Ayesha Erotica)

Hayloft (mother mother)

Stupid (ashnikko)

#haikyuu!! #haikyu x reader #haikyuu fandom #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu matchups #oikawa hcs #oikawa toru x reader #oikawa x y/n #oikawa headcanons #oikawa tooru

[rockets-and-raccoons]

My mum knew when I was really young that I wasnt straight. Not that she consciously recognised it. I was the child she constantly told that love was love. I could love whoever I wanted and that was okay. I was the child that was constantly told by my parents that gays deserved rights and that they would always love me no matter what. I was the child they excitedly told when gay marriage finally became legal.

I grew up repressed with severe internalized homophobia issues. To the point where to this day I still severely struggle with it.

My grandad doesnt believe in gay rights. He thinks it's a phase. That these people are ill. The village I grew up in was very Christian. Being gay was wrong. It was disgusting. Gay people needed serious mental help (ironically half the people my age that grew up there have turned out to be part of the lgbtq+ community).

I went to high school in the neighbouring city. Where everyone around me talked about how disgusting being gay is. The fear of a gay person in the changing rooms was talking about constantly. Gay adoption and marriage was considered wrong. Liking people of the same sex was considered disgusting and uncomfortable.

I was terrified everytime I had to get changed for pe. I was terrified to just look at other girls. And it didnt help that the majority of my friends were boys. I didnt spend much time with girls. The one girl I was good friends with- was suddenly the source of rumours. Everyone at school knew before I did. Talked about if before I accepted it.

She's gay.

I denied it. I didn't believe I was for a second. Did everything I possibly could to prove I wasn't. And yet for my last 2 years at school everyone made jokes about my sexuality. Told me I was gay and in love with my friend. (Maybe I was. Maybe I wasn't. I refused to process my emotions properly back then.) They joked about how I was only straight until I was horny. That I was so obviously gay. But it was a joke. A mocking thing that made me feel so horrific that I did awful, horrific things to prove everyone wrong. Things I have to live with, that i hate myself for. Just becaus every time someone suggested I might be gay, all I could think of was 'it's so wrong.' 'Its disgusting' 'its cruel to children to be raised by gay parents' '1 in 5 people are gay, I sure as hell hope it's never going to be me' 'nobody wants to be gay, it's an illness.' 'I cant be around gay people, they make me uncomfortable' 'they'll stare at you in the changing rooms' 'they'll force themselves on you'

I still cant share a bed with another girl without being terrified. I cant be in the same room as another woman getting changed - I havent had to deal with PE in a decade. Havent heard those whispers in a decade.

Every time I become friends with another girl I'm terrified of what will happen when they find out I'm gay. I can't connect with them properly.

And sometimes. Sometimes I just truly hate myself. I hate the fact I find women attractive. That I'd rather spend the rest of my life with a woman rather than a man. Sometimes, often, I still find that disgust curling up in my stomach.

It doesnt matter that I dont live there anymore. That I now live somewhere so open and so easy to accept everyone and anyone. It doesnt matter that I've admitted it to myself, my family, and my friends. That I tell people so easily, I'm gay.

I'm still terrified of what would happen if people from my home found out. I still hear their conversations. Their mocking words. I still feel the effects of their homophobia. And sometimes I still wish I could pretend I was straight.

I was lucky to be born into such an open and accepting family. But by god, I wish I'd been brought up where I live now. I wish I didnt lie in bed hating myself so much at times. I wish I could be at peace with who I am. Rather than wishing I could go back in time and somehow change myself.

I remember telling my mum I was gay, and her not understanding why I was so distraught. Because 'you should know by now I love you no matter what' - and I didnt know how to tell her society, my friends, our community, were all going to despise me. Hate me. Tell me I told you so. I told my dad minutes after he said he wished his daughters were gay bc he hated dealing with the heterosexual drama and boyfriends. He couldn't understand why I was crying, because he wanted gay children. He had told me my whole life he would always love me no matter what. I was free to love whoever I wanted. And I didnt know how to tell him the world made me feel like I was disgusting and wrong and my existence was even worse than that of rapists.

And my grandpa, who I dont get on with, who doesnt really like me, who I was sure hated the gay community (and he has since admitted that if it was years prior he would have disowned me over sexuality) emailed me to tell me he was proud of me, that being gay wasnt wrong and he had been wrong about how he felt about the lgbtq+ community.

My grandad still thinks I'm going through a phase.

My best friend came out to me in tears, telling me he wished he had known we were both struggling, so we could have at least had each other.

When I finally told my other friends. There was no 'I told you so's' suddenly talking about sexuality wasnt a thing. It was a taboo topic nobody wanted to deal with. The girl everyone joked I was in love with, slowly disappeared from my life.

It's funny until it's true. And that's when you really realise the jokes were really, truly jokes. They didnt believe what they were saying. They just enjoyed the rise they got out of you.

And when I think about being a teenager. Despite the fact its ten years long. The only thing I can truly remember is the internal and external homophobia. Everything else feels hazy. The good times. The bad. It's all a fog that's over-taken by the self-loathing that I still carry.

I wish I could tell my teenage self that it gets better.

I wish my parents would believe me when I tell them I dont blame them for living where they did. We couldn't afford to move. They loved me, they love me, and that's what matters.

I wish I hadnt spent so long chanting 'I'm not gay' before bed. Because I knew from the age of 13, and spent the rest of my teen years in denial. Telling myself I was wrong.

But then I see my sister. My sister who is 10 years younger than me. Who had a big sister come out when she was just 8 years old (I came out at 18, yet spent a further 2 years trying to prove I wasnt. I came out too early. But I figured myself out. Accepted myself more, with the help of my family, and my best friend). She has grown up with more progressive media. Has moved to a more progressive place. Hell, her school has an lgbtq+ club. She has one (1) straight friend. She came out as bisexual at 12. But the older shes getting she thinks that her male crushes were caused by heteronormality and she thinks she might be gay. And shes open. Shes proud. Shes unapologetic in who and what she is.

I think about my self hatred. My self-loathing. About my internalised homophobia. I think of every night I spent lying in bed thinking 'One in five people is gay, it's not me. It won't be me. I'm not gay.' And I look at my little, wonderfully, unapologetically herself, little sister. And I think, that every struggle I've ever been through is worth it. If she gets to feel proud of herself because I've come out. Because my parents had to move bc of me. Because I've done everything I can to support her. To love her. To pretend to love myself for who I am in front of her.

Every day I struggle, I think to myself she doesnt have to. I'm one of the last millennials. She's gen z. And shes not my kid. But theres such a large age gap that I feel that generational difference. And I can't have children of my own. And suddenly, I find myself understand what my parents mean when they say that their suffering was worth it whenever they see us gain something out of it. Making things easier for someone you love, for someone so young, it makes it almost feel like it was worth it.

That trauma is going to stay with me. But my coming out too early, is what had my sister questioning her own sexuality. And it happened early enough in her life. She was questioning it before she hit her teens. She told me she knew she liked girls before she hit ten. But she wasnt too sure what that meant. And she wa worried because biphobia in our family is bad. But the we moved away. And she was watching adventure time and steven universe. And I was suddenly openly accepting myself and flirting with girls. And making jokes about my sexuality. And she came out. So young. So proud. And my parents were accepting of her bisexuality (albeit worried about how the rest of the family would react). And I did what I could to support her. Buying badges and flags and taking her to pride. And now shes come out as fully gay and I'm so happy and hoe safe she felt her journey has been. That at 15 she isnt scared to tell her friends (and they're not afraid to tell her). At 15 she might actually have a girlfriend. And shes been to pride. Goes to pride.

And I am so, so proud of her.

I would love to go back in time and tell myself that it's okay to accept who I am. But I cant.

But my sister grew up knowing it was okay to accept who she was. And my coming out helped my best friend accept who he was.

I didnt have any lgbtq+ friends growing up (that I knew about). There were no clubs. No tv shows. My only support was my mum and my dad.

My sister has a club. She has our family. Her friends. Her school (no awful changing room comments. No snide remarks) She has an open and accepting community. I feel so relieved that she'll (hopefully, pls universe, be kind to her) never have the same experiences I did.

#this is a shitty rant #i dont know where my head is tonight #i guess im just depressed #and wanting hugs #and its that stupid anniversary coming up #so i guess im hating myself a little more #my sister just recame out last week #so maybe that also is playing a part #im so proud of her #i love her #ignore #long post

[atiny-piratequeen]

Yeah i guess i feel like that cause the last 6 minths have been to heart brwkaing for my tiny heart. But also you are probably right if you managed to find not 1 but 2 amazing people. May i ask how did you all meet? And how did you realize you were pan and poly? ❄️

I understand. Give yourself time to heal before expecting another relationship. You want to go into relationship as mentally and emotionally healthy as you can or that could cause complications for you and your partner(s) in no time.

I met Zie like 9 years years ago because we became friends on tumblr because we shared a mutual interest in wrestling (and she was actually one of my readers for one of my fics). We stayed friends and became best friends. I'd message her every day and vice versa and we'd just write rps together and continue to talk about our day to day lives both the good and the bad.

Somewhere along the way, years later, I noticed that I valued her friendship and affection more and more and it kinda hit me one day that I 100% fell head over heels for her. I didnt ask her out until after I healed from this one toxic relationship i was on and off on through middle and high school and i was in a better place mentally. She actually said no the first time I asked her out because she was worried I was just trying to date someone who showed me positive affection after those years of emotional and mental abuse. So i waited, made sure i wasn't projecting my need to be properly loved onto her, and asked again on our first video chat together in 2015. She said yes and she's been by my side ever since. I love her with my whole heart.

Matt, we met though a friend of mine irl. Ik ik, bro code and shit, but my friend did him dirty. Upped and left him after he did everything possible to not only be a good bf, but friend. And we all thought that was grimey so we stayed close friends with him. Its actually a running gag that Matt and I are two sides of the same person because we're both Pan "bear" friends and we have a lot in common and finish each others sentences all the time. He actually drifted apart from us a bit when we dated Sam (our bf before him) bc Sam was as jealous as he was neglectful and he didnt like that matt playfully flirted with us, so out of respect and not wanting us to constantly argue with Sam, Matt pulled away from us. He came back thankfully and always was there to check on us and try and help us through that toxic ass relationship, and when it ended, he was back in our lives, making sure the two of us were okay and not at all fighting with each other. (Which, never happened. Zie and I have fought like a handful of times but never over jealousy). Cue a few months of reconnecting with an old friend (of which we both had a crush on anyway from years prior) and boom. Zie and I agreed that if given the chance, we'd love to date Matt. Cue mote wooing and gay ass flirting and the three of us sleepily asked each other out through psn before falling asleep in a party together. And thats how Zie and I started dating Matty Bear.

As for my sexuality, when I was in high school, as goofy as it sounds, I always liked reading fics that had poly relationships over ones that had just mono ones or worse, fucking love triangles.

Love triangles made me think of all the trauma from my past relationships and the characters i read about were dear to me so i never wanted them to suffer through being choosen over and I always preferred to see them together, even if that meant more than two people in a relationship. Cuddle piles, hand holding, the uniqueness that comes from some people in poly dynamics, i loved all of them and i eventually relaized that i wouldnt mind that for myself. I'm a very big lover, sometimes i fall too easily, sometimes its a slowburn, but I'm the type of person where I'll see someone i have affections for and immediately think about how nice it would be to have them happy and in love with me and the others i have affections for.

I guess I'll expose myself more and give an example but Kira is a perfect example of this. Like, yall, I'm not kidding when I say I love Kira (@deepnesta) and as soon as i started crushing on her, i immediately told zie and matt and my friends bc gay panic and i dont keep secrets from my partners. Like I would date Kira in a heartbeat and the thought of her being soft with either of my partners makes me wanna melt into a puddle so yeet thats how I know.

Also as for being pan, also in high school. I just...i really like and adore everyone, nm what they identify as. If you're attractive and i can form a connection with you emotionally or romantically or whatever, fuck it, your gender identity doesnt matter to me. I like you for you and thats just how it is

#asks #long post #❄ anon #tmi time