#that was painful to type I’ll never say that again Lmfao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nightowlwriting · 3 years

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summary: steve is acting weird. avoiding you, being snippy and mean, leaving the room when you enter. all you want is your boyfriend back, but all he wants is to pretend you don't exist. when he's almost hurt on a mission, you do what you're made to do.

word count: 11k

reader specifics: no race/gender/sexuality/body type mentioned, no pronouns for reader used, powered!reader, insecure!reader

warnings: steve is mean to the reader in the beginning, heavy angst, hurt/comfort, canon-level violence, brief ptsd symptoms, slight description of blood, brief mention of racism in the '30s & '40s

brief mentions of: reader's parents being toxic, homelessness, past accidents, ableism in the past & present

note: this one hurt me lmfao. idk why this went the way it did but i'm not mad at it // also i am a queer, trans, disabled american. i have fundamental disagreements with things that marvel/the mcu as it stands for and some of the more nuanced things that you might not notice unless you're looking for it. this will take place in my writing because i cannot separate myself from the lens in which i consume/create content.

title credit: lil nas x

mobile masterlist - request - support my work? - ao3

Falling in love with Steve Rogers went against every instinct you had. You knew that he was going to hurt you from the first moment your lips touched his. Sure - he’s clever, righteous, courteous… You can’t forget he’s also drop-dead gorgeous because every trashy gossip magazine in a three-state radius of New York doesn’t let you forget. Neither does the sight of him waking up in your bed every morning. (Well, actually, maybe that would remind you if he was still fucking doing that.)

But lately, you’ve had to rely on the fucking tabloids to catch a glimpse of your super-hero boyfriend. The university class you had picked up on a whim at the end of the summer - Life & Times of the ‘30s and ‘40s - avoids any mention of Steve Rogers and the Howling Commandos. Not that your classmates do because, Christ on a bike, those magazines manage to catch pictures of you and Steve in moments that you don’t even remember. Plus, you’re an Avenger too. It’s bound to catch some attention when you waltz into a college classroom.

You’re sure if you were an undergrad trying to fill a gen-ed requirement and were sitting next to someone who could kill you without blinking but also dating Captain Rogers you’d be a little distracted too. You try not to blame your classmates too much, but they do make it hard to concentrate with their -really dating Captain America?- and -wonder if I could get an autograph- whispers. None of that matters because you’re learning, really studying, in between missions and missing Steve and believing that maybe the gossip reporters are right.

Maybe he’s forgotten about you.

You grit your teeth and push the thought away. It does you no good right now, while you’re training with Peter. He’s working his way up to bona fide missions and, because you’re the only one on the team who has experience with real-life teenagers outside of saving their lives, it’s up to you to get him to the level that he needs to be. Plus, the mission where he’s going to get his gills wet is just you, Tony, Steve, Nat, and Bucky. You’d much rather be the one to train him because you won’t traumatize him.

Right now, though, you’re just kicking his ass to try and get rid of some of the tension in your body. You feel a little bad about it, but when you started as his mentor you told him point-blank that you’d never go easy on him. That meant if you were having a bad day he either needed to up his game or he’d have a bad day too. It appears he’s taken that to heart as he struggles to dodge the hits you’re throwing his way. He lunges out of the way when you try to land a right hook but practically walks into the leg sweep that sends him crashing to the ground.

“Awe,” Peter groans, letting his guard down. You take the momentary lapse of focus to grab him by the collar of the hoodie he’s wearing and haul him to his feet, jerking one fist back to cold-clock him but he beats you to it. You hear the sound of your nose cracking before you feel it but then the pain rushes you all at once. You’ve had worse but coming from Peter, the move surprises you. You don’t yell out but he does when you push him away from you and call the fight off. Peter practically yelps your name, hands up by his head as he watches you bend at the waist, both hands over where your nose is absolutely gushing blood. “I am so sorry, I just reacted-!”

“It’s fine, Pete,” You shake your head and stand straight again, the blood beginning to leak through your fingers, “Just go get me a towel, okay?” Peter practically trips over his feet to get something for your nose and as you track him on his way into the locker rooms, you see Steve, Bucky, and Nat. The latter are looking your way, eyebrows raised like they’re asking you if you’re okay. Steve hasn’t even broken stride in his conversation so you wave them off with a bloody hand. Peter’s back in a flash, pressing a wet towel into your grasp and snapping you out of your self-pity party. “It was a good hit,” You compliment as you wipe your face off, “I just wasn’t expecting it. Prob’ly wouldn't have landed it if I had.”

He wrings his hands, shifting from foot to foot. “I’m sorry-”

“It’s a good thing, Peter, means you’re getting better.” You deadpan, checking to see if your nose has stopped bleeding yet, “I don’t think you actually broke it, but I’ll go down to medical to check later.” You do your best to clean up your hands with the wet towel, but it’s so soaked with your blood that it mostly just smears it around. You grimace and shake your head. “Well, I should go now before our sparring match ends up looking like I murdered you.”

“I’ll go with,” He offers, “I’m the one who broke your nose.” You let Peter walk you down to medical even though you were originally going to refuse. Perhaps petty, but it was the way that Steve didn’t even look your way as you left that made you let the teenager walk you the two floors to where you’d be able to clean yourself up. He hums in the elevator and you know that he wants to ask you something - it’s the way he holds his mouth when he’s prying for information or keeping a secret that tips you off. Finally, just before the elevator opens, you sigh and turn to him.

“What, Peter?” He grins but then it falls when he has to skitter after you down the hall. Maybe that’s why it falls - the question he asks next nearly sends you to your ass.

“Is everything okay with you and Captain Rogers?” He easily catches up to you when you stop in your tracks, ignoring that you’re still bleeding a little bit down your face and you might be dripping blood everywhere from where it’s run down your arms.

“What?” You do your best to look confused like everything is fine, but Peter is perceptive. He may fumble around and be pretty awkward, but those are really just teenager things that he’ll hopefully outgrow. You should have known that when someone caught onto how bad things are on your end, it would be Peter. (You wonder if Nat or Bucky has brought it up with Steve, considering he’s spent more time with them in the past week than he’s seen you in the past month.) “We’re fine.” Your words are stilted as you begin walking to the medical wing much faster than before.

“I just thought I’d ask, well, because I’ve sort of noticed… Something just seems off, you know? Like, you two used to spend a lot of time together, and maybe it’s the recon mission coming up, but I was just thinking that you two really barely look at each other even when you’re in the same -”

“Peter!” You say his name much louder than either of you expected and both of you jump. “Peter,” You say softer, looking at the glass door to the medical wing instead of him, “Just leave it, okay? It’s nothing you have to worry about, kid.” Peter ducks around to open the door, forcing you to look at him. “He’s just focused on his stuff and I’m focused on getting you whipped into shape for this mission. We only have two days.” Once you’re inside and surrounded by the medical crew Tony keeps on staff, he thankfully drops it. You love Peter, you do, but it’s a lot like having a little brother. You can only love them so much before you want to fucking strangle them. Eventually, as the doctor checks to make sure he hasn’t broken your nose, you have to order him away to go study or something. “I’ll join you later,” You promise him as the doctor prods at your tender flesh, “I have an essay due soon.”

That’s another thing that’s been bugging you that Peter surely picked up on. Nearly everybody knew you were taking a course at the local community college, but nobody knew what it was about. You’d wanted to keep it a secret until you told Steve, but the day you had registered he’d flown out for a two-week mission without telling you or saying goodbye. After that, you decided it didn’t really matter if anyone knew what class you were taking, and keeping it a secret sort of spiraled from there. If they wanted to know they could look it up. Maybe it was petty, but you just wanted the class to be over and done with so you could forget that you really only picked it up so you relate to your boyfriend more.

If you can even call Steve your boyfriend anymore. You’re not so sure where you stand and, honestly, you’re really close to giving up on the relationship as a whole but you can’t do that. Before you were dating, you were friends, and Steve… He never gave up on you. Not once. How could you repay him by giving up on your relationship? The one that you thought was The One? Even if it hurts, even if you’re unsure more than sure these days, how could you? Somewhere, though, you know you deserve better. You don’t deserve the sinking, dark feeling that lingers in your gut for most of your days now or the way that you second-guess every move you make - even in the field. It’s dangerous but you can’t do anything to fix it.

You’re too scared. You know that eventually, it will happen, he’ll break up with you, but you’d like to put that day off for as long as possible. To relish in the love he once had for you, how pure and powerful it was. You’re sure that you’ll never experience anything like that again.

Hell, you might never fall in love again.

Those thoughts don’t do anything to help you, though, so you try not to have them. You get clearance from the doctor and get cleaned up as much as you can without taking a full body shower. The idea to go back to your room and take one crosses your mind but you know that Steve’s probably done training, probably heading back for his own shower, and you don’t want to open that can of worms. Instead, you go to the common room and drop into the couch between Peter and Tony. They’re talking about something something science something something, but you pull your stack of books and notebooks out from the shelf underneath the coffee table and continue outlining your essay from where you left off. The assignment was focused on how the end of WW1 changed American life and then how life changed leading up to and during WW2 but that had hit a little too close to home for you, so you’re writing about the racial tension and overall racism of the times. Tony and Peter keep talking over your back and then you hear footsteps heading toward the common room.

You barely look up when they enter - Nat and Bucky - because it’s fine. It’s normal. They’re just two of Steve’s best friends, that’s all, nothing to be jumpy about. You don’t even register that emotional pain that hits when you realize that, yeah, you’re not one of his best friends anymore. You doubt you’re even considered a friend in his book.

You groan and lean back into the couch, bringing your study materials with you. Peter glances over, skimming over your page and a half of shorthand, and gags. “Jesus, can you write like a normal person?”

“Oh, sorry,” You say lazily, not looking up as you continue to scribble in your incomprehensible code, “I do forget that some of us had privacy at home.” You lift your lips just a little bit to let Peter know you’re kidding, looking up at him through your lashes as you slouch next to him. He looks red in the face. “Besides, once you have to start doing mission reports you’ll be begging me to learn my shorthand and use my stenography machine.”

“I keep telling you that I can update that ol’ thing,” Tony draws your attention. For the first time, you realize that Nat and Bucky are on the loveseat looking at you expectantly. Steve is standing in the corner over their shoulder reading a book from the bookshelf in front of him. His back is tense and he looks like he’s not reading, just listening. You force your eyes back to Tony on your right and shake your head.

“No, because then you’d know my shorthand and it makes me too happy to see you spend hours trying to decipher it.” His eyes wander to your essay again, trying to find any patterns that he can use to figure out what the hell you’re writing on anything ever. He’s opening his mouth to make a smart-ass remark that will no doubt lift some of the weight off of your shoulders when another voice speaks up.

“Wow,” Steve doesn’t even look at you even as he says your name sardonically, “Way to be a team player.” Your mind comes to a screeching halt, trying to figure out what the fuck he’s playing at. Even Bucky and Nat look surprised at the cold way he spoke to you, Tony and Peter both gasping from your side. You can’t say anything, throat tight and burning with tears as you stare at your boyfriend with raised eyebrows. What do you say to that? How do you respond? You know it wasn’t a joke because he’s not laughing, not smiling, not even looking up from that fucking book in his hands. You can’t tell if you’re more hurt or embarrassed, but either way, you don’t want to stick around for someone to get the nerve to say something.

Instead of replying, you slam your textbooks shut and bundle everything into your arms. You doubt Steve even notices that you’re making such a hasty retreat but if he does, he doesn’t say a fucking thing. You feel like you’re in high school - practically running through an empty hallway with your notebooks and textbooks pressed to your chest, trying not to cry. It’s ridiculous. You’re a trained assassin, you’re an Avenger, you are strong and powerful and yet… And yet. You’ve given so much of your heart and soul to Steve Rogers that he can knock you down eight pegs without even trying. Without even looking at you. You can’t wait to go on this fucking recon mission, where you can put all of your focus on making sure Peter is doing okay and gathering the intel. Where you can stop thinking about how easily Steve Rogers seems to be pushing you to the side.

You spend the next two days writing your essay, ignoring almost everyone, and working on your essay. On the day of the recon mission, you’re running out the door for your eight a.m lecture, printed essay in hand, and reminding Tony that he promised to pick you up on campus after class for the mission.

You’re lucky that you went, too. You hadn’t counted on the professor making everyone stand up and tell the class the subject of their essays - didn’t realize that it would be twenty-five percent of the grade on the paper. You’ll never understand college professors and the weird shit they do, but the class is informative and entertaining. He goes around the room, starting on the opposite side of you, so you’ll be last. Great.

Several students did their papers on the propaganda of the time, one student was brave and did her essay on the ethical dilemma of the super-soldier serum and eugenics, and most of the other students focused on pop culture and how it changed. When your professor looks at you it’s almost like he’s expecting you to have done nothing but fawn over Steve and Bucky, considering you know them personally. He looks surprised when you clear your throat, stand and say: “I focused on the casual and institutional racism that faced non-white Americans at the time.” You almost preen when he looks impressed and then the shame fills you. It’s just… You want Steve to be proud of you. You want him to congratulate you on going back to school, even if it’s just for one class. You want him to be happy and surprised that he was the inspiration for taking the class.

Though, lately, the class has been more for you than for him. You like learning new things, pushing the boundaries of assignments, making people uncomfortable with the truth of the times you’re studying as told to you by two people who lived it. It’s nice. Normal.

Everyone needs a little bit of normal.

But, honestly, normal is fucking boring. By the time your class is over and you’re handing in your essay it’s like ants are crawling over your skin. A combination of nerves from the upcoming mission, a head full of fog from whatever is happening with Steve, and a little bit of fear at the thought of taking Peter into the field has you bolting for the door the moment your essay is taken from you. You’d worn your tac-suit underneath a pair of baggy sweats and a loose hoodie, so you don’t even bother slowing down as you head toward the car that Tony has waiting for you. He’s in the front seat, grinning at you from underneath his aviators and Peter is driving.

You slip into the backseat without thinking or looking at who’s there, tossing your bag in the back and peeling your hoodie off. “God, Tone, we’re goin’ to die before we even get to the mission with Petey driving.” You toss your hoodie back to join your bag and finally see who’s sitting next to you.

Of course, it’s Steve. He’s looking at you - but not really. He’s looking through you, like he can’t stand that you’re both crammed in the backseat of Tony’s electric car. His gaze catches you and holds you in place. Everything around you goes cold and fuzzy, making you miss Peter’s indignant complaining that he has his license so he should be able to drive… And then Steve scoffs and looks out his window, ignoring you. It stings but you have a job to do. You make some witty retort back to Peter, but it falls flat as you struggle out of your sweats. This is what life is, you think. Relationships aren’t meant to be forever - you learned that at a young age.

Until your accident at fifteen, you had watched your parents run out of helium, their relationship expanding and cooling in arguments, in days spent not talking, in trips to your grandparents without the other, in passive-aggressive computer searches for divorce attorneys left open for anyone to see. Then, after you were trapped between those machines - after you spent hour after agonizing hour with electricity pressing between your atoms, being torn apart and rebuilt as a young god - after that day you watched them expand against each other before the neutron core of their relationship collapsed on itself and the resulting supernova sent you to the streets. But then Fury found you. Then Tony, then Nat, then Steve.

Your parents exploded out from each other and the shockwaves ruined your life. At least now, your relationship with Steve is ending silently. There’s no explosion, no collapse, no rapid expansion to take over your cosmos. Your relationship with Steve is simply approaching the event horizon, where it will hang in the air until one of you takes the final step and you both become frozen, two collapsing objects on opposite sides of the universe. Maybe that’s what you already are. You feel so far away from him in the back of Tony’s car - like he’s eons and light-years away from you - and you feel so cold. Frozen, down to the bone. It makes you stiff in your replies to Tony and Peter, slow on the uptake when the car pulls up to the quinjet, nearing stasis and unable to respond when Nat asks if you’re okay.

Finally, you turn to look at her, nodding. “Fine,” You clear your throat, “Been a rough day.” You do your best to smile at her, but your face feels heavy. Your chest feels cold and tight, making you worry about your performance on the upcoming mission. When Peter shakes his head next to you, discreetly telling Nat not to press, you’re focused on Steve and the electricity humming in the most base part of your body.

He scoffs and rolls his eyes. You turn away and force yourself to smile, throwing a weak and numb arm over Peter’s shoulders. “Are you ready for this, Pete?” You jostle him back and forth, leading him toward the sitting area behind the cockpit. “Gonna get your ass kicked?”

“Please,” He shoves you off, nervously laughing, “Not with the skills you’ve taught me.” He mimics throwing webs, making hissing noises under his breath, and you bark out a laugh, shaking your head.

“You’re payin’ my medical bills when I have to save your ass, Spidey.” You shake your head and strap in next to the wall, Peter taking the seat to your right. Tony, from the aisle across from you, points a thick finger your way.

“You don’t pay medical bills anymore,” He waggles his finger, “So you’ll just have to make him do your homework for a week.”

“Mister Stark!”

“He’ll have to earn shorthand to do your essays,” Nat chimes in from between Bucky and Steve, who are both doing their best to not look at you - or anyone really. “You willing to share that with him?”

You lean back in your seat and jab at Peter with your elbow. “Hell no, so I guess Spider-Boy better do his best.” The arachnid in question grumbles, crossing his arms and slouching in his seat.

“No pressure, right?” He complains, “Not like I’m already nervous or anything.”

“You’ll do fine, kid,” Bucky pipes up, drawing your eyes back to Steve, “It’s goin’ to be a cakewalk.”

“Don’t jinx it, Barnes,” You warn half-heartedly, tucking in on yourself, “We need this to be easy.” From the look on his face - everyone’s face, really - you know that they heard you loud and clear when you were really saying I need this to be easy.

After an uneasy laugh from Bucky, a claustrophobic silence settles over you all as the jet begins to take off. You’re in for an hour ride and plan to spend it going over battle plans with Peter when harsh whispering catches your ear. It’s Bucky and Steve nearly crushing Nat between them until she gets up and sits across from Peter, rolling her eyes. Still, you try your best to run him through the actions you both had planned - the names, the setups you needed to execute them, everything. If something happens to Peter, you’ll never forgive yourself.

And then, cutting through your soft promptings to Peter and his equally soft replies, Bucky’s voice. “Leave it, Steve. Until after this mission.” Even Tony looks up from his tablet, curiosity piqued. Their faces are both red, set hard and angry at each other and your stomach drops. What the hell is going on that Steve ‘Till The End Of The Line Rogers is fighting with Bucky You And Me, Pal Barnes? You must shift, or lean too far into Steve’s eyesight, because for the first time in what feels like years he is looking directly at you - and seeing you, too. It makes your pulse jump and, almost instinctively, you want to reach out and ground yourself on the rubber of the seat underneath you.

You don’t get the chance, though, because Steve speaks. “No, why should I? This is clearly affecting the team.” He’s still looking - glaring - at you like you’ve done something wrong. “What’s the point of waiting? I’ve been waiting to talk about this.”

“Bo, I don’t think this is the time,” Bucky looks over his shoulder at you, then, and you know what’s coming. You know that it’s time, that Steve is about to break up with you in front of your teammates. Your friends. Your family. You steel yourself for the anguish you’re about to feel and then jerk your chin out, hardening your resolve.

“Buck, it’s fine. If Steve wants to address something, he can.”

Natasha says your name, a low warning over the hum of the quinjet. “I think he should wait.”

“Well, I’m not goin’ to wait!” Steve unbuckles himself and stands, “I have tried waiting, and look at where that has gotten me.” He puts his hands on his hips and puffs out a breath. You unbuckle and stand, too, unsure of where this is going. “You need to,” He holds one hand out, pointing at you while his voice shakes. You notice his hand is shaking, too, but fractionally. If you didn’t know Steve as well as you do you may have never noticed it. “You need to get it together.”

“I need to get it together?” You question, eyebrows nearly hitting the ceiling with how fast they shoot up. You’re not totally sure you’ve heard him right because what do you have to get together? The broken shards of your relationship? The information and research for your final paper? The awful way you’ve let yourself be treated for what seems like forever?

“You heard me,” Steve says, at the same time Bucky leans his head back and groans deep in his chest. “What? Someone had to say it.”

“We should wait for this,” Nat speaks up again, but lifelessly. She knows now that you and Steve are both on the warpath, neither of you are going to stop. (That’s also why the two of you work together as a couple so well. Very rarely are you both so worked up about something that you can’t back down, so the other is always there to meet you halfway and get you back to earth.)

“No, no, no,” You say, near hysterically, “No, he wants to do this now? Before a mission? Instead of the fuckin’ weeks we had to hash whatever crawled up his ass and died out? Be my guest. He’s already dragged everyone into this by treating me like a pariah.” You’re not sneering, but your teeth are gritted so tightly together you can hear them scraping and feel a tension headache beginning to bloom in your temples. Bucky looks… Almost incredulous at your statement. Like putting the blame on Steve is a dick move or something.

“Oh, so I’m the bad guy here?” Steve is curling his lip, glaring at you. There’s something behind his eyes, but he’s buried it so deep that you can’t reach it and figure out what it is. “I’m the bad guy, right. Right, right, right.” He scoffs, shakes his head, and then he’s running his fingers through his hair like he really can’t believe what you’re saying to him.

“Well, what else am I supposed to think?” You throw your hands out to the side and let them slap back down on your thighs. “You ignore me, you make me feel like shit, you talk down to me like I’m some insignificant foot soldier. How else am I supposed to take that, Steve?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe ask me what’s wrong? Maybe ask me why I’m acting like this, instead of ignoring all of your problems like a child?” He mirrors your moments, but the sound his hands make when they hit the outside of his suit is more powerful than yours. Fueled by anger, you think. Anger and whatever the hell was in the serum Erskine pumped into Steve.

“Ask you?” You repeat, near-hysterical, “Ask you? Oh yeah, let me get right on that. Hey, Mister Rogers? Mister Captain America? Mister Ignores-His-Partner-For-God-Knows-Why? Hey, just why are you doin’ that?” You’re surprised that you’ve said something so snotty, but you don’t back down. (Steve looks surprised, too, and Bucky has stood up next to his friend like he’s about to start berating you as well. At least he looks more cautious about it, like he’s not totally sure that this fight should be happening.)

The more surprising part of your fight is how fast it’s shut down. Tony and Nat stand at the same time and exchange a glance like they’ve surprised each other. “That’s enough,” Tony starts.

Nat cuts him off. “I don’t care if you fight this one out instead of talking, but if you do it before this recon mission you two are going to blow it. Do you understand me?” She looks dangerous, the sharp edge of a knife spiraling through the air. You force yourself to look away from her, from Tony, from Bucky, from Steve. She’s right. You know she’s right - especially on this mission. Peter is there, going to be in real danger even though there’s not supposed to be one Hydra agent in a four-mile radius. You have to clear your mind and focus on protecting him.

Steve seems to think the same thing because he stands down. When you watch him collapse in on himself, Bucky’s arms around his shoulders, into the little quinjet seats your everything aches. Heart, lungs, eyes - everything. Even though you don’t know what’s going on, what could have possibly happened to make your relationship sink this quickly and out of the blue, you still love him. He’s still The One for you. You still want to be the one to comfort him and make him feel whole when he’s struggling.

But you can’t. You can’t and it kills you.

The heat of battle makes a lot of things fade into the background. Important things like why the fuck are there Hydra agents here? and Steve is going to break up with you when you get back on the jet and Tony swore on the fucking limited edition AC/DC vintage tour poster he has in his office that this would be an easy in/easy out information mission. None of that matters, though, because you’re in deep shit. There are seventeen of them, all primed to the teeth with weapons made to take your team down permanently.

You’re practically glued to Peter, calling out commands and plans for him to initiate. It’s when all of your plans fall through that you take a hit from a heavy fist on purpose, hitting the ground hard. “Plan F, Spidey, Plan F!” You cover the instruction with a groan and then you’re back on your feet, working your way toward him.

“Plan F?” Tony says, somewhere above you in his suit. Your comms crackle ominously as another heat-seeking grenade is launched, interfering with the radio waves your tech relies on. You don’t worry about it, because you know Tony is on it. He’s your eyes in the sky.

Peter is the one who answers his question, watching your close hand-to-hand tilt out of your favor briefly. “Plan Fuck It, Mister Stark.” He grunts as he webs up a Hydra agent, jerking him away from where he was about to slip a knife up and under Natasha’s kevlar. You finally drop the guy in front of you, ignoring Steve’s disappointed Language! and toss one of your knives toward Nat for her to use. Tony is still laughing in your ear, wheezing as he drops down and snags the rifle from one of the snipers and then takes back off.

What your little protégé failed to mention about Plan F is that it’s not just chaos, but controlled chaos. You let loose, letting a soft current cover every inch of your skin as Peter switches to his conductive webbing and takes special care to not web any of his allies. Except for you - if you’re in the way and he catches you in a web it doesn’t matter because you’re you, alive with electricity that drops the men that get caught in the web, too. You rip out of the webs and turn the current off when one of your teammates gets too close.

More Hydra agents are pouring out of the woods, topping out their numbers around twenty-five. That’s twenty-five too many in your opinion, especially when you can see Peter getting tired, his anxiety spiking, his moves having more and more hesitation behind them. You need to get this over with quickly, but you don’t have the options to do that. Steve, Bucky, and Nat are really the heavy-hitters - you, Pete, and Tony are the only ones without serums despite all of your individual abilities. Desperately you reach out for a web that’s still connected to Peter’s arms, pulling him out of the way of a baton that’s about to come down on the back of his neck.

The baton the agent is wielding glints in the coming dusk, freezing you as Peter scrambles past you with a quick apology. You’ve seen that before - seen it, felt it, know it like the back of your hand. There’s no way that you could ever forget that weapon. The man stumbles when his hit doesn’t connect but then rights himself and searches for a new target.

A long, black baton that splits into two prongs at the end is heavy in his hand. Electricity crackles between the bulbs at the end, flashing in the setting sun and your memories. The man only has one, but if it was hooked up to a machine, spinning. If there were four, five, six. If you were pinned between them, screaming in the pain as they rewrote your DNA… You’ve only felt it once, but you’ll never forget it.

And now, you’ll taste it again. On purpose this time. The man holding the stun baton is going for Steve’s back - his strong back, the one that protects people, the one that holds the weight of the world, the one that lays in your bed, the one you see whipping out of rooms as you’re entering just so that he doesn’t have to look at you - and you can’t let that happen. It only takes ten amps to kill a regular human, but you know those things are cranked up to twenty minimum. You don’t want to see how many amps of current it will take to stop Steve’s heart. You’re between the baton and Steve before you can think about what you’re doing or what comes next, the hard bulbs settling unyielding into your side and cranking out maximum power for maximum damage as soon as the current is connected and able to flow from one bulb to the other.

The pain hits you and your throat catches on it. It burns through your body, setting everything on fire - your chest hurts as your heart protests the electrons and then your powers kick in, sweeping them into your very atoms and cells. You’re a live wire now, ears humming and body thrumming with power you’ve only dreamed of. It hurts, and it burns, and you feel tears rising in your eyes because you’re back there - back begging for death or for life or for God and god at the same time - but then it’s over. The man sees that you’re not seizing up, not dropping dead in front of him, and he takes three steps back.

It’s not far enough.

You’ve only felt like this once before - right after you were unhooked from the machine that changed your life and brought you to your new family. You remember how you looked when you were put in front of a mirror with all of the pent up electricity circling your body - how your eyes were filled to the brim and dripping with bright and blue electricity, the way it was jumping across your body, how you didn’t need to breathe because your body was fully saturated with pure, unadulterated power. You wonder if you look like that now and assume you do because you can see the bright blue reflecting in the terrified eyes of the Hydra agent.

Your suit, unlike everyone else’s, is not grounded. It’s metal, metal, metal. You’re made to conduct, born for it, and the earth beneath you comes alive with bright white as you release all of the energy, the power, surges down and out. You’re practiced. You can reach out and feel the synapses and neurons of every human being in the clearing, know exactly where your teammates are standing, and know exactly how to target everything but them and the pitiful amount of electricity their brains carry. You grin, something truly feral and unhinged, and you can see the fear in the Hydra agent. Then, you let go.

You know that everyone is going to be pissed. (Maybe not everyone.) You’re not built for this, not made to take down nearly twenty fucking people at once. As you let go, you feel what they feel. The seizing muscles, the stopping of their hearts, the inside of their bodies crisping against their bones. At that moment, that delicious moment, you see the universe.

You become God. You become everything - your mother and your father and God and god and anyone else who’s watching your life from the ether. You become the judge, jury, and executioner of souls that you don’t know from Adam. You become lightning, and thunder, and exposed nerves of the cosmos at the same time. The world bends to your will and you relish in it, taking that power in your fist and wielding it to protect the man you’ll love for the rest of your life and the family that you’ve made. You will stop at nothing to end this, even if it means turning yourself inside out to do it.

You damn near do turn yourself inside out too, but that doesn’t matter, does it? The blood spilling from your ears, nose, and eyes feels like heaven. It’s hot, and thick, and it’s proof of the power that your body holds. You’re a temple and a sanctuary, a war-room and a bunker, a field of flowers and a sun-dry desert. It does not matter if Steve doesn’t love you at that moment, because you are love and hate wrapped into one package. You are everything and nothing, spread thin at the beginning and the end of time.

And then none of that is true. You are just… You. Standing in a clearing, surrounded by twenty-something dead Hydra agents and your terrified, terrified family. It hurts to breathe and you can taste blood in your mouth, but that’s an afterthought. Steve is still standing behind you, but he is alive. That is what matters.

This is what love is, you think.

Pain and pleasure.

Even if he leaves you, you will always love him.

Pain and pleasure.

You’re weak at the knees when he finally turns to see you - and you’re a sight. Struggling to stand, fingertips blackened with soot but not burnt, blood pouring from your nose, ears, eyes… You look like death, but you feel like life. Someone says something behind you - Peter, maybe? Or maybe Tony, in your comms? - but you don’t hear it. Everything tunnels out, your weak knees finally collapsing as you keel backward.

Steve bears down upon you almost immediately. You’re halfway to unconsciousness when he wraps you up in his arms, keeping you from falling in with the pile of bodies around you. He’s saying your name, harsh and soft and then in a voice like he’s ordering you to wake up. You loll about as he drops you down onto a patch of clear grass, hands searching your body for wounds. When he skims over your side, where the baton has burnt through your suit and your flesh, you surge back toward being able to have cohesive thoughts. The pain brings you back, hands wrapping around Steve’s arm and calling out his name. “Steve! Fuck, that hurts!”

“Honey,” He breathes, “Fuck, we have to get you back to the jet.” His jaw ticks, hair dirty and loose from its normal style. “Why’d you do that?” Steve doesn’t wait for an answer from you, ordering Peter to web something up to carry you over your protests.

“I’m fine,” You argue, only slurring slightly, “I feel fine.” But you’re going to let Nat and Bucky load you up on the webbed stretcher anyway because it’s the first time Steve has cared for you in a long time. You want to relish in this moment, the way that he didn't say your name but called you honey.

Well, and because Natasha slides a thumb across her neck over Steve’s shoulder in a silent threat.

You groan when Bucky accidentally grabs your calf where there is an absolutely awful stab wound, but you wave off his apology. “How could you have known?” To be honest, you hadn’t even known it was there until his Vibranium hand was slipping against it and sending shockwaves of pain through you. Peter is next to you the whole time that you’re being carried back to the jet - Tony staying back to begin scanning the bodies of the Hydra agents for the information you need and any other information they may be carrying. The poor kid is nearly at a breakdown, so you reach out to him and shake his arm when his fingers twine with yours. “Chill out, kid, I don’t know how you got it into your head that this is your fault, but it sure isn’t.” He sniffles, but hands back with Steve as Bucky and Nat get you situated in the small medical room of the jet. They transfer you and then make to leave, only Bucky hesitating near the door.

“Stevie’s goin’ to be here soon and… I don’t know what made you do what you did but you have’t explain it to him. He’s bendin’ over backwards to figure it out, and we don’t have’a clue. Came out’a nowhere.” He looks at you for another moment before shaking his head and stepping out of the room. Your head is spinning, partially from what Bucky just said and partially from the pain and stimulus of electricity. You wait there, then, because this is it. This is the event horizon. You wait there, eyes closed, until you hear footsteps approach the med room, and then the door slowly opens. Steve says your name, holding all the finality and weight of an atomic bomb. You don’t open your eyes until he swings a chair next to the stretcher and lays a hand on your calf.

“You don’t have to do this,” You finally say, pushing yourself up onto your elbows to watch him. “I know that you don’t want to.” Steve only scoffs and begins to wash the stab wound using a packet of soap and a water bottle. You say his name twice before he looks at you, something between hate and hurt curdling into a glaze over his eyes that stops you in your tracks.

“Just let me do this. It is the least that you can do.” His words are painful and stilted, like it’s taking force to push them past his teeth. You lay back down and close your eyes, content to just feel the pain of Steve beginning to stitch you up and then dress the wound before you feel the pain of Steve leaving you like you knew he always would. (Falling in love with Steve Rogers went against every instinct you had. You knew that he was going to hurt you from the first moment your lips touched his.)

When he’s done he sits back and puts his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. He heaves a heavy sigh and then shakes it off, “I’ll dress your burn, and then we’ll talk.” And normally, yes, you would agree but this is too important. You want to get it over with so you can lick your wounds metaphorically and dress them literally - and then you want to go home, you want to pack your bags, and you want to disappear and remake your life somewhere else.

Some far-off place where everyone you know won’t take one look at your face and know that you’re still painfully, deeply in love with Steve Rogers, end of your semester be damned. Family you’ve made be damned. You can’t sit around and be in love with him like a neon sign on a dark highway while it’s painfully clear that he hasn’t had a sign on his highway in a long time.

So instead of agreeing, you swing your legs over the stretcher and swallow your flinch when the burn pulls tight. Steve opens his mouth to argue but you give him a tight-lipped shake of your head and his jaw snaps shut. “No,” You say, voice not giving in to the emotion swirling in your chest. “I have let this go on long enough.”

It’s the wrong thing to say because Steve fucking scoffs again and looks away from you. “One day was long enough.” He says, cutting straight to your core. Okay, ouch. You take a deep breath and shake your head to try and bite back the tears that are inevitably rising in your eyes. If one day was long enough for him to realize he doesn’t want to be with you, why did he let it go on for nearly a full year? Why did he spend so long leading you on, pulling you by a thread before garroting your heart with it? What was the point?

“If you want to leave me, just say that,” You reply harshly, standing and wobbling away from him. He just watches you go, watches the way you struggle past the lead weights your muscles have become, the way you’re starting to feel the stab wound on your leg, the way the skin on your burn is beginning to blister and only just now losing its heat. He just watches you, where the Steve that loved you once upon a time might have helped. You turn your back on him, hands on your hips so that you can hide the way that you’re crying and your hands are shaking.

“If I want to leave you? If?” He says. You hear the scrape of his chair as he stands, “I think after what you’ve done, it’s not an if, sweetheart.” The way he says it tastes like iron. Steve never calls you sweetheart like he never calls you by your name. It’s always honey, lover, dovie. You don’t turn to face him because you’re struggling to keep yourself above water. “I spent so long thinkin’, wonderin’, askin’ myself - God damnit, will you look at me?” You turn slowly, not because you’ve never heard Steve speak like that but because his voice is desperate and raw. When you turn, you’re not sure what to expect. Maybe him, standing in front of you, broad-shouldered and disappointed like in those PSA’s he had to film once. Maybe he’d be angry, hands clenched at his sides and eyes narrowed like he gets in meetings when he doesn’t agree with something but he’s out-voted. But you never expect to see him crying, lip wobbling, folded in on himself like a young boy instead of the strong, invincible man you’ve come to love.

He looks so different.

It hits you, then, that you’re not looking at Steve Rogers. Not really. He's not Steve Rogers, not Captain America, not even Captain Rogers. You see him as he was - before America spat it’s untruths all over him and injected him with a serum that changed who he was, is, will be. He’s not the able-bodied man that you know, not strong and unreachable, not the heartthrob that overshadows the team during press events. He’s not America’s Darling, not really. Not where it counts.

You’re looking at Stevie Rogers. Stevie Rogers who, for all intents and purposes, was supposed to die before he made it out of toddlerhood or soon thereafter. Stevie Rogers who the doctors said wasn’t supposed to survive. Stevie Rogers who grew up sickly, rattling painful breaths and never playing ball with the neighborhood boys. Who couldn’t walk until middle school when he got his braces off. Who never had a partner because Bucky, strong and handsome and tall Bucky, was always deemed the better option. Who believed in his country so much that he tried to sneak into the second world war, subjected himself to a painful medical procedure so that he could change his very DNA to be what the world wanted him to be.

Captain Steve Rogers. Captain America. Strong, blond, patriotic, resilient.

You’re sure that if men don’t want to go to therapy now, in the modern age, they certainly didn’t want to go in the ‘40s. So where did that leave Steve, your Steve, standing in front of you and looking small, and broken, and sad, and alone? Did they expect him to take his new, taller, working body and run with it? Did they not think about how he would lose a part of himself in the process? How did they expect him to go from disabled to abled without some disconnect?

You think about the You That You Were Before and the You That You Are Now, and how you lost a part of yourself when the accident gave you your powers and how you’d lose yourself if someone figured out a way to take them away. You Before formed your identity around being normal - living in a shitty home with shitty parents, sure, but normal - and You Now form your identity around your powers, your team, your job, your love. If you lost those things, what did you have left? Who would you be?

When Steve lost his identity and became everything that America wanted everyone to think that America was, what did he have left? Sure, he could tell himself that he represents America - strong and patriotic and just - but it must have conflicted with everything he knew about himself before that. You know that disabled people now know that American society is unjust, unfit for them with abled people not willing to make room to allow them to thrive. You can only imagine what it was really like for Steve in the ‘20s and ‘30s and ‘40s. What he had to do just to survive. (Medical experimentation, you remind yourself. Did they know it wouldn’t kill him? Did they know his body wouldn’t rip itself apart with the new sinewy muscle they were packing on? Did they care? Or was he just a body they saw as broken? A project to fix? To turn him into something more like them and call it patriotism?)

You shake your head at him, still filled with despair, and try to figure out what he’s talking about. “Stevie,” You start, pet name easily replacing what you had been calling him because it’s not fair to shoe-horn him into a body that doesn’t feel like his own. You wonder if he still expects the bone-grinding pain that he used to tell you would happen when it rains. He raises a hand, a strong and family hand, shaking his head.

“I just need to know why I wasn’t enough for you,” Steve looks sad, slouching in on himself like he’s expecting to get his ass handed to him in another alleyway and hope Bucky is there to save him. “I need to know why you wouldn’t just break up with me if you wanted to see other people so badly.” You suck in a shocked breath because, okay, that’s not what you were expecting. Between that and the paradigm shift you’ve had on how Steve must view his identity, body, and self, you’re stunned. Steve continues like he doesn’t even register that you look shocked and pale and now you’re crying because he thinks you’re cheating on him? “And I get it. I get it. You have no idea how much I understand. If I were you, I wouldn’t want me either, okay?”

You cut him off there because what the actual God damn fuck is he talking about? “No, Stevie, I’m not cheating on you.” You shake your head again and this, your statement, lights a fire in him. He still looks like Stevie rather than Steve, but there’s anger there. You imagine that’s what it might have looked like moments before he got himself in trouble back before he was serumed. “I’m not.”

“Oh, yeah?” He challenges, jaw ticking and chin jerking up, “Oh, yeah? You can’t lie to me. I know, okay? The act is up, it’s over, I know, okay? You can stop pretending.”

“Steve, I do not fucking know what you’re talking about but I”m not cheating on you!” You raise your voice, not really angry but more out of necessity. You need to get it out of his head that he is anything less than everything you want - that you could possibly love anyone more than you love him.

“I wanted to clarify something for you,” Steve says like he’s reading an old script from when he was just a beefy, red/white/blue stage prop for the American military, “I am excited to meet with you, but there are some rules. Do not talk about Captain Steve Rogers. I don’t want to hear about him,” As he continues to recite something that has clearly hurt him, you go lax. You know exactly what’s happened - your fists unclench, your jaw drops a little bit, and it feels like someone has gutted you, “I think it is wise to keep work and pleasure separate, and it’s a rule I will enforce heavily. I look forward to seeing you again.” He’s sneering at the end, tears falling down his ruddy cheeks.

“Steve,” You try again, but he cuts you off.

“Am I just work for you?” His voice is shaking more than you thought possible, and so are his hands. You’ve never seen Steve so off-kilter, so thrown, and it breaks your heart that yes, technically, you’re the cause of this. Before this, before this horrible misunderstanding, your relationship with Steve was the paragon of trust so neither of you cared if the other read emails or texts. You remember the email - the email from your fucking college professor - because it had made you so angry that he’d referred to your relationship with Steve as something as simple and base as just pleasure - like you could even put words to the galaxy of a relationship you had with Steve - that you’d gone to the gym to work off some of that irritation. You hadn’t wanted to take it out on anyone accidentally. When you came back from the gym, Steve was gone on that two-week mission that he’d left on without saying goodbye.

Oh, God. You feel sick to your stomach as the paradigm of the way that Steve’s been treating you shifts violently to the left. You have to physically hold yourself up and try to speak past the lump in your throat. Steve looks… Brokenly smug. Like he knows he’s right, but he’d rather gnaw his own legs off than be right.

“No,” You croak, “No, Steve, you’ve got it all wrong.” You want to reach for him, but it feels like the room is closing in on you. You’re second-guessing everything now - especially what you’ve just said. How many people said the exact same thing to him pre-serum because they said something meant for Bucky to him? How many times did he hear that when he was getting a new diagnosis, hoping for the best? How many times had his own mother said it to him when he told her something someone had said, fresh-faced and not yet used to the way that abled people sometimes treated disabled people? You think you might be sick. “That email was from my professor, Steve. I’m not cheating on you, I’d never.” He laughs darkly and sits back down in his chair, head in his hands again. You try to gather the strength to move toward him when you see his shoulders shaking, a telltale sign that he’s crying.

“A professor,” He says with a watery laugh, “Right.”

Finally, you realize that he needs you, needs to know you love him, that you’d do anything for him. You can iron out the kinks later - figure out why he didn’t want to come to talk to you past the original hurt, why he treated you so coldly, why he didn’t trust that you wouldn’t do this to him - but now, you need to show him that you’re here. That you choose him. That you’ll always choose him.

You make your way to him and set a shaking hand on his shoulder. For a brief second you think he’s going to shake you off but then Steve’s hand shoots up and latches onto where your hand is resting, dipping his head to press against your arm. “Stevie, please,” You say, unsure of what you’re asking him to do, “I picked up a class, just one, and it’s… I picked it up for you, it’s about the ‘30s and ‘40s and…” He looks up at you and he looks so broken - face ruddy and wet with tears, lip wobbling, chest heaving as he tries to not sob. His brows are knit and he looks confused, “I just wanted to be able to understand you better. You had to leave so much of yourself at the door when you joined the Avengers, had to leave so much of yourself in the ice… In Erskine’s lab… Stevie, I just wanted you to be able to be you when you’re with me. I wanted to know the you that you were before you became Captain America.” Your voice is shaking, knees knocking together, and honestly? You feel like you might blackout.

“What?” He rasps, “What?”

“He sent that email because too many kids signed up for his class thinking that they’d be able to look at pictures of you and Buck for a semester. Emailed me directly because he knows we’re…” You choke on your words, shaking your head because you’re not even sure there’s a we anymore, “Because he knows I’m on the team. Didn’t want me walking in and making his class about just a few years in the ‘30s and ‘40s rather than the culture of the time.” You don’t know how else to explain it to him, but Steve isn’t saying anything - practically isn’t moving or breathing- so you continue to try and explain what’s really happening as best as you can, “And - and that email made me so angry because he singled me out, didn’t email anyone else about it, and I left to try and work some of that out; I didn’t want to take it out on you, or let it spoil - let it spoil… But when I came back from the gym, you were gone. You were gone for two weeks and I didn’t know why.” You’re crying harder now and pretty sure that within the next sixty seconds you’re going to collapse if you don’t sit down.

Steve shakes his head, still looking like he doesn’t understand. “What?” He says for a third time, “A class? A college class?”

“I just wanted to feel closer to you,” You confess, “Just wanted to understand a fraction of your life without making you do the heavy liftin’ and teachin’ me. Shouldn’t have’t do that,” You’re sobbing, barely biting out your words as you realize that something you’ve done to strengthen your relationship with Steve has destroyed it, “Shouldn’t have to explain a whole different time just to feel loved, Stevie. Should be able to be with someone who understands without you havin’ to explain.” You’re not sure you can say Peggy’s name out loud, and you hope he understands what you’re saying without making you actually say it, “Should’a been able to have love with someone who knew, and I know I’m nothin’ compared to what you should’a had, but I want to be. I want to be in the same ballpark instead’a watchin’ from the stands.” You wipe your face with your free hand and look away from Steve when he stands in front of you. You don’t want to see the look on his face - what he’s thinking about what you’ve said.

He says your name and you glance at him, but his expression stops him in your tracks. Where Steve looked broken and hurt and fuming with anger to hide the anguish, now he looks stricken. You shake your head, “No, no. I didn’t say that to make you feel guilty-”

“You think that I care about whether or not you can understand the ‘40s?” He cuts you off, hands moving to curl around your biceps, “You think that I care whether or not you can relate to a time in history when you weren’t even thought of?”

“Of course I love you. I love you more than anything in this world, but you shouldn’t have to not care, Steve,” You argue, shaking your head, “That’s what I’m trying to say. You should be with someone who understands without explanation. I just wanted to give that to you - didn’t know that this would happen.”

“I should be with someone who loves me,” He argues back, “If you love me, that’s all that matters. My past be damned.”

“But your past is you!” You try to pull away from Steve, but he anchors you there. You’re dizzy from being so close to him after this long, but also because of how many different twists this situation has taken. You can barely keep up with how bad your communication with Steve has become - barely keep up with how you need to fix it, or how to fix it. “Your past is you,” You repeat when you realize that Steve isn’t going to let you go. “And you shouldn’t have to give that up so that someone will love you.”

“But you love me,” He says desperately, ducking his head so that he’s nearly nose to nose with you, “You love me, right?”

“More than anything,” You say, closing your eyes and relishing in the feeling of being so close to Steve, “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks, or anyone else. I’ll even stop goin’ to class if you want me to - Steve, I just can’t do this anymore. Can’t do this thing where you don’t talk to me about what’s botherin’ you.” You’re choking up, barely whispering, but you know he hears you. YOu can feel his warm breath on your face, “Nearly fuckin’ killed me.”

“I thought it was goin’ to be easier,” He breathes, nose bumping yours, “When you eventually decided to leave me for him. Thought I was savin’ myself some trouble.” You can practically taste his tears as they fall again, “Buck and Nat tried to tell me that you weren’t - that you wouldn’t - but I just couldn’t believe them.”

When you open your eyes, his are closed. This close to him you can see the soft freckles that are blooming over his eyelids, his soft eyelashes kissing his cheekbones. You can feel him breathing, feel him nearly pressed against you in a way that feels hauntingly nostalgic and terrifyingly fleeting; like you’ll be able to feel his warmth for years to come, but he’s about to disappear. “That’s okay,” You finally whisper, “It’s okay that you didn’t believe them. That you thought what you thought. It’s okay.” He shakes his head against yours, opening his mouth to protest, but you refuse to let him feel guilty about feeling this way - you have plenty of time to sit him down and talk to him candidly about the way he acted because of these feelings, anyway. “If I would have been in your place I’m not sure I would have believed them.”

“I treated you so badly…” He shifts and wraps his arms around you. It’s almost immediate - you relax into his arms and wind yours around his waist, keeping him pulled against you as he presses his face into your neck and you press your cheek against his chest. “So awfully.”

“We’ll talk about that, okay? But later. Right now you just need to know that I love you, Steve. I love you more than I can tell you - more than I can express.” You want to kiss him, but you can’t. Can’t kiss him, you need to wait for him to kiss you, for him to close that gap and show you that he still loves you like you love him. “We’ll have to have a talk, a long and hard conversation about this, Stevie, but for now… For now, I’m just content to be with you, okay? MIssed you so much.”

He sighs, nose pressing against yours again. “Missed you too, dovie. Missed you more than I can even say,” His voice breaks as his lips brush yours. Your relationship is not without its flaws and problems - Steve’s actions when he thought you were cheating on him are proof of that and, well, the fact that you didn’t realize what was happening, why it was happening, or a large part of your boyfriend’s psychological makeup having an impact on your relationship while it went unknown by you… There is a lot of work for the two of you to do, a lot of work to do, a lot of communication to be done… But you’d do it all for Steve, over and over again.

When he presses forward and presses his lips gently to yours, you know that he’ll do it all for you, over and over again, too.

#steve rogers imagine #steve rogers/reader #steve rogers x reader #marvel imagine #mcu imagine

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knchins · 3 years

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Bad Day - Shinsou H.

Summary: Shinsou can always sense when you're having a bad day. Good thing he knows exactly how to cheer you up.

Pairing: Shinsou Hitoshi x Fem!Reader

Rating: E

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: AGED UP CHARACTERS, c*nnilingus/oral, v*ginal fingering/s3x, consensual quirk usage/mind control, squirting, comfort (w/o hurt), pet names, some praise k!nk, fluffy ending

Notes: This was for a request but I realize now the person is no longer following me. Probably should have checked that before writing this lmfao. Oh well, it happens and no hard feelings. I hope everyone enjoys this piece anyway.

Hitoshi could always sense when you were having a bad day, even as he did surveillance around the beat that the agency had assigned him to that day. It was a nagging little voice in the back of his head telling him that something was wrong with his girl. Maybe you were stressed about work or got some bad news. Whatever it was, the profound bond between the two of you had him already knowing the best ways to cheer you up after he clocked out for the day.

When he got home, he found you moping on the couch. He couldn’t help but smile at just how well he knew you. “Babe, what’s wrong?”

You mumbled something inherently into the cushions of the couch, a mistake as he immediately used his quirk to have you sitting up. “You should really use your words, kitten.” He joked as he released you from his hold.

You pouted at him softly, “Bad day.” You mumbled, “I just want to crawl into bed and sleep for the rest of the week.”

He tutted as he kicked off his boots, “Can’t have you doing that now, can we?” His eyes locked in on you, looking like a wildcat that had just found his prey. “Want me to make you feel better?”

The open invitation had you squirming already. You knew what he was asking for: further consent to give him control over your body. Of course sometimes things in the bedroom could be tricky when he used his quick. You couldn’t use a safe word or motion when he had control over your body, but that just meant that he had to keep your trust. Despite putting yourself in a situation that could potentially be dangerous with anyone else, a villain perhaps, you knew that you were completely safe in Shinsou’s care. Sometimes not having control over yourself was the best type of relief.

“Yes, please,” You replied with a grateful look on your face as he once more overcame your mind with his quirk. Shinsou had you stand and walk into the bedroom as he followed with a satisfied smile on his face. He had you undress before laying down on your back.

He peeled off his shirt and tugged down his pants so he was left in boxer briefs before settling between your legs. He looked up at you, again looking like a predator ready to pounce.

He placed tender kisses on your inner left thigh as he forced you to watch him work. Your legs spread as far as they’d possibly go for him, putting your pussy on display for him. Despite all the things he could do with his quirk, making you aroused was not one of them. He had to do that naturally, which he didn’t mind at all. Warming you up was the best part of sex for him. It always had been.

Now as he took two fingers to spread your labia apart, you could feel the subtle heat growing. The need for his touch, be it his fingers or his tongue. Anything against your clit right now would be heaven. Shinsou seemed to know this as he blew onto the nerve bundle to elicit a reaction.

You only realized that he had released his hold on you when you were able to whine with need. Your hand went to the back of his head of unruly purple hair and forced his mouth to your lips, grinding on his face desperately as he chuckled into your folds.

Of course, he could have easily punished you for doing such a dirty thing but he knew better than to be mean to you right now. Using his superior strength he lifted his head away from you, nose and chin dabbled with evidence of your arousal now. “And here I thought you could behave, Kitten. Are you ready to listen?”

Another pout formed on your lips as you mumbled a response, “yes…” As soon as the words left your lips you were anchored to the bed again, but he did not have you move your hand. Instead he had you press his face back into you once more as he lapped at your neglected clit, rolling it with tongue and sucking on it hard enough to make tears spring to your eyes.

Despite having control over you, he didn’t want you to simply just lay there. He enjoyed you being an active participant, even if he was the one making you do it. He had your hips rolling against him, nails digging into his scalp, and when he granted you the use of your mouth and vocal chords he had you moaning for him too.

Shinsou easily slipped in two fingers into your hole, pumping them in and out at a feverish pace. He built a solid rhythm between the use of his body and yours. That tight coil of pleasure quickly wound itself in your lower belly, pressure building before finally releasing in one orgasmic rush of euphoria.

He worked you through the high with kitten licks and gentle thrusts of his fingers until you were breathing at an even rate again. He pulled away from you long enough to take off his underwear and sit down on the bed with his back to the headboard. He then had you move to straddle him, hand on his shoulders for support as you hovered over his standing erection.

His hands ran up and down your sides playfully, knowing fully well that you wanted nothing more than to be seated down on top of him with his cock bottomed out inside of you, but he held you there in place with a triumphant smirk on his face. “You still want me to have control, baby?” He asked, once again letting you go.

Instead of answering you forced yourself downwards, allowing his tip to slip into your pussy at last. Shinsou was laughing at your impatience, giving a shallow thrust upwards as you sank down further. Your eyes rolled, head tilted back as your hips rocked slowly. “I’ll take that as a no.” He said, grabbing onto your hips to keep them steady as he began to pound up into you, knowing the exact pace that had you crying for more.

“Hi-Hitoshi,” you moaned for him, the sound music to his ears. Your nails were digging into the flesh of his muscular shoulders, creating small half-moons. The small biting pain of your grip just spurring him on.

“Look how good you’re taking my cock, kitten.” He cooed into your ear. “You’re just the perfect little cocksleeve, aren’t you? I’m gonna make you feel so fucking good.”

He adjusted his position, pushing you back onto your back as he moved forward on top of you, never ceasing his rhythm as he forced your knees back onto the bed, forcing you into a mating press. The new angle allowed his cock to brush against that special spot inside of you, stimulating it relentlessly.

You cried out for him, toes curling as in increased his pace. Shinsou grunted, driving into you even harder as he felt himself nearing his climax. He looked down at you, “Do you trust me, kitten?”

“Y-yes,” You choked out, allowing him to wash over your mind as everything seemed to just go numb. Your body was like a rag-doll, moving without any sort of restraint. He pressed his thumb to your engorged clit, rubbing a few small tight circles as he forced an orgasm upon you through both his quirk and his ministrations.

A clear stream of ejaculate sprayed both of you, coating your lower abdomens as you continued to come undone. Your second orgasm was much more powerful than your first, your walls tightening around Shinsou’s cock in a way that had him cumming as well. Your cunt milked him for all he was worth as he panted and released your mind once more.

“Do you feel better now, princess?” He asked as he pulled out of you and rested your legs down on the now soaked bed. You nodded your head, mind still fuzzy from the afterglow of such a powerful orgasm. “I’m gonna run a bath for you before cleaning this up, okay? Just lay here and rest for a moment.”

Shinsou got off of the bed and went into the bathroom, running a hot bath with bubbles before helping you inside the tub. You sank down into the inviting water, closing your eyes and letting out a sigh of relief. “Can you join me?”

He looked taken aback, not expecting you to be so in need of his touch still. Sometimes you preferred to be left alone in the bath, but on the rare occasion you did want company. He grinned, “Let me take care of the sheets first.”

You nodded and waited a few minutes as he gathered the soiled sheets and threw them into the washing machine. He then came back into the bathroom and slid in behind you, pulling you to his chest and resting his head on top of yours. “Are you going to tell me what had you so down earlier?” He asked one you were both finally settled.

You told him about the awful day you had, where everything just seemed to go wrong. He listened thoughtfully, never interrupting. He simply let you vent out your frustrations until there was nothing left to say. “Well, tomorrow is a new day.” He said, kissing the crown of your head. “I’m sure it’ll turn out better. Just stay in the moment with me. We can watch a movie or something and pass out on the couch together.”

“I love you, Hitoshi.” You mumbled appreciatively. He always knew how to cheer you up.

He nuzzled his nose into your hair as he laughed softly, “I love you too, kitten.”

Masterlist and Request Rules are linked in pinned navigation!

You can join my permanent tag list for this fandom or more by filling out my new tag list form! Link can be found on my pinned navigation post!

#hitoshi shinsou #shinsou x reader #shinsou x y/n #shinsou imagine #bnha #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #hitoshi shinso #pro hero shinsou #bnha requests

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bunnykawa · 4 years

Note

I hope this doesn't count as a request but who do you think is the worst yandere hq boys?? Like stay clear level dangerous.

i love this question HAHA i have a couple of characters in mind!! i'll just do it in headcanon form?? idek man i'm just making a list

♡ oikawa

oikawa is kind but damn he's so affected by his inferiority complex that it's developed into a god complex?? like he constantly has to be better than other people that even though he is so devastatingly insecure, he won't hesitate to step on his victim to make them feel worthless.

he's really good at gaslighting, too. lies easily and way too often. will make sure that you're only his by feeding you lies and making you dependent on him.

selfish. always has a motive and does things only bc it'll benefit him. but he loves you so he believes whatever he does will benefit you, too, and he's SURE OF IT. you can't reason with this guy AT ALL.

yes i headcanon that he won't hesitate to kill someone ok I JUST GET THOSE VIBES FROM HIM. the type to own a gun and know how to use it. just pew pew when he feels threatened. if he knows someone will affect your relationship or someone hurts you, say goodbye cs you ain't seeing them again.

he KNOWS that his actions are wrong. doesn't give a single fuck. will probably act oblivious about it and it makes him look even more crazy (don't be fooled, he's smart so he knows exactly what he's doing). lacks empathy for other people except you. literally no guilt after his actions. scary.

he thinks he's untouchable. no matter what he does, it won't negatively affect him. police?? LOL what's that? family? friends? don't be ridiculous. they can't do anything to hurt him. as long as he's alive, he's walking the earth like he's some kind of divine being.

you're basically walking on egg shells around him. some thin ass ice. you're scared to leave.

♡ hinata

unhinged. feral. y'all know how this guy can be so dedicated and passionate with volleyball. we seen him do some crazy shit. yeah imagine as a yandere how dedicated he'll be to his victim. NO THOUGHTS. HEAD EMPTY. JUST YOU.

i'm not saying hinata is an idiot. of course not. but he's kinda stupid. takes everything at face value. he won't understand why you're fighting him and running away when all he wants to do is love you.

this also means that the SMALLEST things that you do for him makes him believe that you're also in love with him. you let him borrow a pencil? tell him his shoes are untied? shiiiit even mention he got food stuck in his teeth?? he's like so you wanna get married??

also very unpredictable and sporadic. you won't know what to expect from him and that's what makes him terrifying.

doesn't realize that stalking ISN'T how you show your s/o that you love them. will be the yandere to follow your every move and be a few steps away. will constantly text you and try to call you even though you never gave him your number. wake up one morning feeling like you're being watched and look who it is!! hinata shoyo looking through your bedroom window at 3 am!!!!

JEALOUSY. he wants to be the best so he needs to destroy his rivals. you get close to someone? he'll scare them away. why do you need someone else? he gives you all the attention you'd ever need. constant harassment. will also make his intentions VERY clear and explain why he's harassing them when he does.

if he has to, and this is a conclusion he'll make on his own depending on how severe he believes the situation is, he'll kill them. pew pew again. where'd he get the gun? he stole it. or maybe he'll just stab them. more of a last resort than his first thought.

♡ tendou

now y'all probably expected this man. canonically he's a lil unhinged already from that childhood trauma 🥰 makes him spicier LMFAO but anyway-

generally a cynical person!! will constantly tease you and provoke you to get a rise out of you FOR FUN. he doesn't care if he's annoying you. will put a little rat poision in your food because he thinks it's a funny prank HAHAHA

sadistic. you know what? he'd probably stab you during sex. i fucking said it. he'd get off on that shit. he likes seeing you in pain. loves seeing your skin turn different colors from bruises. blood?? mmm he's gonna suck that shit up. vampire grrrr

MOST LIKELY TO KIDNAP YOU. you know in those situations where you feel bad if you say no to someone?? and you don't wanna hurt their feelings because if you do, then the outcome might turn out worse (ex. they get angry, hurt you, etc.)??? yeah this is how he gets you LMFAOOAO you'd be too scared to say no

then suddenly you're at his place and the door is locked forever sorry no takebacks you're stuck with him

i KNOW this mans owns a gun. or some other kind of weapon. maybe he has a torture chamber. man, he has bodies in his basement. the thing is, he kills people FOR FUN!!!! he won't hesitate to kill someone for you, but he also won't hesitate to kill someone just because he wants to. like a "huh, i'm bored. i'll just go kill someone today!!" person.

just scary. do not engage. do not make eye contact. you'll regret it. you'd be worried about your safety more than other people's safety because he keeps you alive. this man does not know boundaries.

#asks #mae speaks #yandere haikyuu #yandere haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #yandere haikyuu headcanons #oikawa #hinata #tendou

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scandeniall · 4 years

Text

dating suna be like

pairing: suna x reader

a/n: random dating suna drabbles because i <3 him. this was intitially gonna be some plot but it turned into entirely too many suna thoughts so- (more under cut) might do a part 2 idk

Dating Suna fun. Like all y’all do is chill and vibe but it’s never boring. The relationship is literally like dating the bestie. He probably calls you the homie to his friends. He will and does turn linking with them down to hang out with you (he genuinely enjoys spending time with you m—as u should when you’re dating someone lol). Half the time y’all just be chilling in each other’s presence mind your own business. Just sitting on the couch and he probably has he legs draped over your lap and whenever either of you see something funny you can just wordlessly hand your phone over to the other. I feel like you two would develop a similar sense of humor just by dating so he lets out a little low chuckle and smirk and just shakes his head handing your phone back.

If he’s gaming and has you over he always has one ear off so he can hear you talking to him. He mutes the mic when he chimes in. He doesn’t need the boys clowning if he slips up and says something cute

He’s the type of bf that’s like “excuse me” (mentally cause he not finna really day it) and loves you out the way with his hand on your waist/lower back. If he wants attention he damn near grinds against you (like you really ain’t have to do all that to get past lmfao). If you look at him like 🤨 he’s all “yeah my bad 😹”

Teases you like “you know your Megan but do you have Megan knees” (he saw that tik tok and spoiler—you don’t have them Megan knees. Fight him ❤️) Just mention how he’s done 5 strokes in and it’s all good. These roast sessions are funny and they happen a lot. Y’all have done the “it’s the for me” (without recording) it before. Or y’all do it a lot but it’s all love.

“ Yo (Y/N)” “What do you want?” “If you were a bug I’d step on you ❤️”

Hates driving so he makes you do it. You become his chauffeur. Whenever it’s “alright so who’s gonna drive,” he’s going to get your keys for you like a gentleman. He controls the aux though. He’ll sprinkle some songs you like in between his playlist bc he cares and likes seeing that little smile when your song comes on and you just vibing. He always has the seat reclined back pretty far (even when he is driving)

When y’all occasionally go out to parties he kinda just has his arm casually around your shoulder other hand holding a drink. If he’s still sober that’s as far as it go tbh. Y’all not really into the kissing PDA. But he will lean to whisper in your ear if he gotta tell you something. Will also do it to /badly/ rap some rap verse to you that’s playing. “Please don’t quit volleyball to become a rapper”You gotta get a few drinks in him to get him to dance fr. But if you throw it back he knows how to catch it just know that. Somewhere deep in the crevice of Atsumu’s phone there’s a video of you and Suna straight drunk, getting a lil touchy while dancing. (Bonus: y’all practice it in the bathroom mirror sometimes. Get a hype song playing and y’all both in a good mood and just feel oddly hype— yeah. Has the phone in one hand, other on your hip.)

Hes has a soundcloud and once made a song that was so bad that you forever clown him. You don’t let him live it down. He deleted that shit so fast. You straight hurt his feelings. “Babe come listen to this”

“LMFAO what is this garbage”

It gets awkwardly silent and you realize it’s him. You laugh so hard tears form. You can barely breathe as you ask if that’s really him.

Suna: nothing but pain

You tell him don’t he ever do that again in his life.

He looks good in anything he wears really. Does have a signature of either gray or black sweats though. Wears a tight black tee. Anyways at some point y’all get thin matching gold chains. His has a super tiny pendant. It’s the first letter of your name. When I say it’s a small letter, it’s small. Like you’d only see it if you were standing pretty close to him and purposely looking for it. He keeps it tucked under his shirt most of the time but sometimes it do dangle in your face and it’s like “damn I bagged him 🥰”. Your chain has a R on it is it’s bigger than his (but don’t worry not like obnoxiously big)

When you sleep you sleep with your backs to each other. Whenever he has to get up super early for practice he does wake you up to say bye (like it’s not 6am 😐). He wakes you up right when he’s up so his voice is all deep and sleepy as he just presses a kiss on the back of your shoulder before mumbling “Got practice. I’ll be back later” in your ear. This doesn’t happen all the time but sometimes when he’s hit with how good you are and how lucky he is he’d follow it up by softly gripping your jaw to place a soft and sleepy kiss on your lips. Those days are followed with soft “love yous” instead of the usual “see you later”

Whenever either of you has to travel or go away for an extended period of time y’all always end with “be safe”. It’s not the delirious morning “I love you” but still means the world. If you’re going together the two of you show up to airports in black hoodies and sweats. He always has his hood up and if it has strings he’ll pull them. Ifs it’s early he sleeps on your shoulder. Yes it starts to hurt and fall asleep but he’s cute when he’s not talking so ❤️

#haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu imagine #suna rintaro x reader #suna x reader #haikyuu imagines #hq imagines #suna imagines

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sweettodo · 3 years

Note

I’m totally not back with another request lmfao,

ANYWAYS::

Two Words; Butler Levi

butler levi. I am craving.

But like, there gotta be spice. There gotta be flavor. So, what ifff, the readers family was like “no, you’re going to marry them.” and they just want the reader to marry a “perfect” person. And the reader was like “no, i love Levi” “not the butler!” “Yes, the butler” the reader is an adult btw. “You can’t be the butler’s lover” “yes i can, dad was your family’s butler too hUH?” — bye i ate too much fun-dip i need a nap🧍🏻

i’m just imagining this as an actual fanfic. like is there a story where he’s like the boss and put into an arranged marriage bc i love that. he fits the dominant boss role so well.

includes : kissing, swearing

“he’s a nice man, you’ll like him.”

yeah. your mother lied.

the mean, independent, disdainful, he seldom conversed, yet he radiated a painful scream of an argumentative, he seems tense. you could never marry this man, what were your parents thinking?

“i choose happiness, mom.” you project, voice riddled with desperation, practically on your knees begging them to change their minds, “you must let me have a say, i beg you.”

“his father owns most of this city’s infrastructure, and his son is smarter than any man you will ever meet,” you father perks up, standing and brushing his hands against his blazer.

“have you forgotten your years of partying are over? time to settle.”

your privacy is disrupted by the door of your fathers office opening, the all too familiar man walking in with printed papers in his hand, “here, mr. y/l/n, your papers you asked for,” he places the papers in front of your father.

“thanks, levi.”

his eyes stay on you as he waits for your father to dismiss him, your heart pounds out of your chest as his dark eyes bore into you, feeling your face heat up at the intense eye contact.

what you didn’t know, what you were too selfish to notice was your mother; who caught the sensual eye contact, her body stiffening as she could tell this wasn’t just any old glare.

you both had thought you were in the clear, with the sneaky relationship that had been undetected for more than a year, right under your family’s nose, perhaps you got too comfortable.

while you look away, your mother is replaying every interaction she’s seen between you and the butler, the gears in her head turning, face twisting in disgust. your mother was far from dumb, and she knew what she saw, there was absolutely no denying it.

but she remained silent, watching the man leave, with you right behind him, your mother overwhelmed and upset, but remained with your father, perhaps she was just seeing things.

without thinking, you’re following your secret lover towards the living room, he sat on the couch, placing his laptop in his lap to pick up where he left off, working for your father.

you watched him, he was beautiful, face sculpted god-like, you never regretted falling in love with a man your parents would immediately denounce, it was so wrong, but you felt right with him, you felt like you were flying, the way he could make you smile like no other man could before.

he sits there, a few feet from you with his leg crossed over the other, wearing a dark black button up with black slacks, a red tie perfectly tied around his neck, you watched his hands, how they had a few veins taking up towards his arm.

“staring? not very subtle.” your eyes snap towards the man in front of you.

“i know it’s just-”

“leaving now, i’ll be back in a little sweetheart.” your father interrupts, speeding out the door with a briefcase in his hand, waving you off without a second glance.

“wanna take this upstairs?” you mutter, looking at your lap, you knew he’d say yes.

he shuffles, pushing his laptop to the side and rising to his feet, “i thought you’d never ask,”

you travel across the house, levi getting done what he needs to finish before heading up after you, so it doesn’t look suspicious.

without your knowledge, your mother is watching levi get up from the couch, her eyes following him as he heads upstairs, she leaves the kitchen, her nerves jumping as anger consumes her.

levi slips past your door, closing it quietly behind him and instantly grabbing you by your arm, yanking you towards him and pressing your back against the wall beside your door, capturing your lips with his.

your hands cup his cheek as you return the kiss, feeling relieved to finally feel him again, though, this doesn’t last long.

your door swings open, your mother gasping, hand slapped over her mouth as levi jumps back, your eyes widen, heart pounding, “m-mom!” you shout, your hand over your chest from shock.

“what the fuck is this?!” she shrieks, you look at levi for some type of reaction, but he just remains there, deadpanned look on his face, “i need to call your father, now.”

“mom!” you shout once more, she stops in her tracks, “i love levi, not the man i’m forced to marry.”

“you have no choice, you are not to talk to the butler again- levi, get your things and leave.”

“no, levi you stay.” you grab him by the wrist, your chest head hot and throbbing from the yelling back and fourth, “i’m not marrying that excuse of a man, i’m with levi, and if you don’t like it, i’m leaving.”

#levi drabble #levi x reader #send me drabble requests #attack on titan #levi aot #aot drabble

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blorbosexterminator · 3 years

Text

Thanks @spiny-norman for tagging me! I definitely think it's time for me to try and put an overview of my thoughts coherently in one place, instead of the cluster I've left my blog in lmfao.

For lack of better words, here's a review of s5

I'll start with the positives too! The things I truly enjoyed:

The action was really thrilling and well-done.

It was funny. That is a very important aspect to me lmfao. I was truly worried the season was going to be too edgy for its own good and sacrifice its trademark humor. Tamayo was easily a highlight of this season. I loved that man from the moment he showed up in season 3, and he only got better this season. Alicia was also one of my favorite things. She's just so hilarious, I'm rooting for her to betray everyone and fuck them up.

In la banda itself, Tokyo and Denver completely stole the show, with magnificent acting from both Jaime and Ursula and genuinely good writing for them this season (something I can't say for the other characters), and the way they stayed true to themselves and yet evolved in such an organic way will always stay with me.

Tokyo deserves a whole point on her own even though I haven't shut up about her for nearly a week now lmfao. I'm still amazed at the perfect way her arc was handled, I could have never imagined or wanted anything different for her. It was a hugely bold move to place this in the finale of the first volume because I have no idea how they'll top it with anything now. Ursula obviously stole the scene, but everyone's acting in that scene punched me in the gut repeatedly. Very few characters' deaths in all media really affected me generally speaking, but I just know Tokyo's is here to stay with me.

Now, for everything else. This is already long but it's about to get longer lmfao.

First, I genuinely disliked how the show handled its political aspect this season. It was never perfect at it tbh, with a lot of misplaced allegories, but it was fine. The reason it was fine is because, other than a few weird moments, the show stayed realistic. It was was character-driven, and most of the time, the characters didn't mold themselves to be activists. This seasons' progressive tone was very out of place. I know a lot of people took pleasure in Bogota's speech while he beat Gandia, but it took me out of the mood. It was out of character and very ill-fitting to Gandia. I disliked Martin's speech nearly as much. Again, it was very out of character and ill-fitting. The really fun and realistic thing about the previous seasons was that just because a character was a minority or in some unfortunate group for one reason or the other, it didn't change anything. It didn't make them better people. Martin was still an egotistical, narcissistic, power-hungry, misogynistic, macho piece of shit. The fact that he was gay changed nothing, it didn't make him kinder to fellow oppressed people, not once did he act or gave any indication that he thought of himself as a victim in that sense. They were very unnecessary scenes.

Speaking of the characters, outside of Tokyo and Denver, I didn't feel 'anyone'. All actors did more than an amazing job, Rodrigo and Alvaro were top notches. But it just, the story had suddenly changed from a character-driven story to a plot-driven one and the show didn't handle that change well. Raquel, Martin, Andres, and Sergio were just there. I'll come back to Andres later because he's a special case lmfao. But those three, with how huge their roles are supposedly now, literally were just there. Raquel was just going around shooting things and sometimes giving some order or the other. Martin is pretty much the same. And the only useful thing Sergio did was pull the kid out of Alicia.

Now, I get that Alex Pina said this volume will all be boom boom, and in the next volume we'll get more of the character-focused scenes, but I'm not disappointed because the scenes were few. No, I'm disappointed because they were out of character. Martin was very, very not Martin. He was just some guy lmfao. It's not that I just wanted him to be more of an asshole, which I did because he is an asshole (bless the Monica and Arturo scene tho) but also he was just very soulless. Very unrecognizable. The moment he showed up, took Raquel's order to stop the melting without even one objection or even asking her to explain lmfao, (even fucking Tokyo was like ????? and not Martin!!!), I knew that he's not himself this season. And I was right, this Martin didn't give a single shit about the gold, had no passion, no fire, no soul. It's not like he doesn't resemble 'Palermo' (whatever the fuck that means), he doesn't even resemble himself in the s3 and 4 flashbacks. This isn't healing or redemption. This is a complete personality change overnight. And it just made him a boring character ngl, he's just not entertaining or complex or intriguing anymore. He's literally just some guy with some cringy out-of-character moments that made me go ???? Not even asking about plan Roma and having no problem with not melting the gold, telling Bogota 'revenge is egotistical and bad uwu', his whole speech of being the shit of society or whatever were all highlights of how the show just threw his previous characterizations in the trash lmfo. I genuinely hope it was just because this volume needed to move without any obstacles from the characters and he'll go back more to who he is in volume 2, but I doubt it tbh.

The flashbacks. First, they were funny, and that is their only saving grace. Andres going 'LOBSTERS' in the middle of telling his kid that he ruined his life was top-notch. Other than that, they were terrible, terrible shitty writing. The show didn't connect them in any way to Andres' flashbacks in s3 and 4 and at the same time didn't connect them to bank heist (outside of the parallels of the water, diving, and gold in both heists). They were very disconnected from everything else, and even though I'm certain they'll have more meaning next volume, it doesn't erase the fact that they had none this volume and didn't establish any stones for connections. @spiny-norman Tatana isn't even my type lmfao so I got nothing from this.

Lastly, the relationship dynamics were so.....not there. We got about nothing other than the Tokyo stuff. No hermanos, no Martin and Sergio, no Sergio and Raquel, no flashbacks from the panning in the monastery, no Tokyo and Martin being a pain in each other's asses, no Martin/Andres and the plan, no Martin and Raquel beyond co-leading. If we had time for that stupid, stupid love triangle, then we could have had some meaningful interactions between the actual important relationships in the show. Monver defending each other and their relationship to other people was very <3 though.

The plan has no meaning. Sure, I enjoyed the action. But this bank plan itself was devoid of the soul it had since it first appeared. The bank plan was something like an individual character in previous seasons lmfao. It was the one true love story of Andres and Martin. I think the show could have balanced some of that with the action and thrill.

Again, I know it's all about the action. But the show had a true shining chance to have some iconic scenes between Raquel and the police now that Sergio was unable to participate, and we had absolutely nothing. No negotiation, no clever back and forth between her and the people she worked with for decades, just nothing. I loved seeing her in action, but the boom boom omg badass queen woman warrior with a gun thing gets boring. This fits Tokyo. Raquel's truest moments of really being a boss were supposed to be between her and the police. Just again, all characters were just doing the same thing. They were no longer brilliant, varied individuals each shinning through their own strengths that were already established. I only hope we'll get more of that in volume two.

I think this captures most of my thoughts about the volume. Sorry for long it is lmfao.

#lcdp #la casa de papel #Spoilers

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egg2k16 · 2 years

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39 notes • Posted 2021-12-03 06:42:14 GMT

A commission for @mothmaneatsass !

40 notes • Posted 2021-05-22 07:48:36 GMT

The Ghosts producers should hire me, I could make Humphrey the funniest guy alive

42 notes • Posted 2021-09-23 17:25:07 GMT

Ricky’s the thorn in CC’s ass, but really, CC doesn’t mind the pain every now and then 💚

84 notes • Posted 2021-01-09 08:18:29 GMT

“Please don’t make me say it again.” Geraskier? 🥺

From this prompt list! Anything for u, darling 💛

~°☆°~

They’re huddled under the wooden roof of a shack that a woman is selling hot bread under. The rain is pouring hard against it. They see how the rain turns the road into a muddy ruin. The water splashes around, plants bend at their weight.

Jaskier points to a squirrel that’s sitting underneath a particularly large leaf, protecting it from the rain, and in doing so, accidentally flings his bread out into the rain. The three of them watch it fall into a particularly muddy patch. The rain quickly makes it soggy, and it starts to disintegrate underneath its weight.

“Oh,” Jaskier says, “My bread.”

Geralt sees the woman sigh, and chuckles to himself. He taps Jaskier’s arm, and hands him his own bread. Jaskier lights up at that, and keeps smiling as he takes a bite, moaning happily at the warm taste.

I love you, Geralt thinks.

He pays for both of their breads when the rain finally stops.

They’re in a clearing in the woods. It’s late at night, and the fire has started to die down. It’s not the steady fire it had been, but still alive.

Geralt had planned on staying awake, keeping guard. But his eyelids are so heavy now, his head keeps listing and jolting him back into wakefulness. He looks over at Jaskier across the fire, and he doesn’t seem to be faring any better.

Their eyes meet, and the fire crackles on.

Jaskier gets up, blearily reaches for his bag, and pulls his blanket out.

“‘M getting to bed now, Ger,” he announces, voice thick with sleepiness. Geralt nods.

“I’ll keep watch,” he says, and sees Jaskier weakly smile. Jaskier grabs his bag, and walks over to Geralt’s side. He squats by Geralt’s bag, and pulls out his blanket, which he gently throws over to him.

“Roach can keep guard, that lady never sleeps,” Jaskier says. He sits down next to Geralt, and pulls his bag to use as a makeshift pillow. Geralt watches as he makes himself comfortable, pulling the blanket up under his chin. He cracks his eyes open to look up at him, and pats the patch of dirt next to him.

Geralt makes his own makeshift pillow and lies down. He only pulls his blanket up to his midchest, but he feels Jaskier reach over to pull it up so that it also reaches his chin. Jaskier props himself up a bit to properly tuck the blanket around Geralt, and smiles at him when he finishes before plopping back down on the ground.

I love you, Geralt thinks before swiftly drifting off to sleep.

They’re at a half-rate inn, eating half-rate food, with a half-rate band playing up at the front. Geralt’s barely picked at his beans, because these beans aren’t good. Their texture...he’s eaten this type of bean before, but today, his body isn’t having any of it. The rice is fine, but a bit too wet for his tastes, and the meat is much too chewy.

Jaskier comes back with their beers, and starts off with, “Can you believe the talent they have playing? Talent,” he scoffs, shaking his head. When he sits down, he finally notices how disgusted Geralt is, and furrows his brow.

“Everything alright?”

“No.”

“For?”

“The food. I don’t like it.”

“I’ve seen you eat raw carcasses before.”

Geralt’s frown deepens. “Well today isn’t a day for that, then.”

Jaskier hums, purses his lips. He looks around the room, taps his hands against the table. He seems to find whatever he was looking for, and gets up to get it. Geralt watches as he weaves his way between the tables to finally stop at one. Jaskier seems to be talking to the couple sitting there, and they exchange a few words before Jaskier seems to be thanking them. He walks back to Geralt, newly acquired things in tow.

When he comes back, he sets a torn loaf of bread, few apples, and jerky on the table before them, along with an assortment of nuts. He snags a glass of water off the tray of a passing waiter, and waves him off as he sets it down on the table.

Geralt stares at him, trying to figure out what the fuck is happening. Jaskier merely grins at him, and flourishes his hand over the foodstuffs.

“Eat!” he says.

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364 notes • Posted 2021-03-10 07:45:12 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #tumblr #2021

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phantom-curve · 3 years

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find the strength, find the melody pt. 7

lmfao I love how I posted an update 2 days ago like “this fic will have sporadic posts! idk when they’re coming!” and then I spent the last two days writing this. when that insomnia inspiration hits ya gotta just go with it!

this chapter went in a completely different direction than I had planned on soooo yeah...honestly not sure where this is gonna end up! the characters from my OC novel that I’m loosely basing this story around didn’t have a connection before they ran into each other so when Julie gave me this I almost cut it because I genuinely wasn’t sure where it was going. I think I’ve almost figured it out and I’m pretty sure I know how this will end. and now we all get to laugh at me together because it’s definitely gonna be more than 3-4 chapters. it might even be more than 6. Luke’s POV will have roughly the same amount of chapters I think, possibly longer because boy oh boy does he have A LOT to say (most of it about Julie). fair warning: this one has an awkward cut off because of the way I need to set up the next chapter. sorry about that.

and now something I probably should be embarrassed to admit: I don’t remember writing the part where I managed to sneak an “I’ve Got The Music” reference in so now we know for sure this show has infiltrated my brain. it’s fine, I’m fine, at least I WILL BE WHEN WE GET A S2!!!! KENNY!!!! SAVE ME HERE!!! MAKE MY UNHINGED OBSESSIONS WORTH IT!!!!!

taglist: @blue-hat-girl, @lwhoscribbles, @bluefyoto94, @5sosmukefan, @moonlightxnder, @leahthewonder, @kat-maybe-not, @lukewearingbeanies, @imastrugglingartist

It was no small miracle that Julie made it through the afternoon without Ray asking for details about her supposed ‘plan’ to play with the Sunset Curve boys. She didn’t think she would have been able to pull off spinning a story quite as well as Luke had earlier. She had expected at least a small amount of interrogating about when she had started playing again, but apparently the news that she was playing at all, let alone with other people in front of an audience, was enough for Ray to ignore all of the other plot holes involved in this scheme. He seemed to have almost forgotten the meeting with Principal Lessa entirely, humming on the drive home, kissing her forehead and turning her loose to freak out alone in her room while he sat down to work on his computer in the dining room. Julie took full advantage of the time alone to restlessly pace her room and send Flynn a 911 text. Her bestie’s contact photo lit up the phone screen 30 seconds later.

“Okay, I’m hiding in the basement girl’s bathroom, so you’ve got exactly 5 minutes before I get too grossed out to stay here.”

Julie’s chest loosened at the sound of Flynn’s comforting voice. There wasn’t anyone else in the world that loved her the way Flynn did. It was reassuring and made it easy for Julie to let loose.

“Lessa told Dad about the music program and then You-Know-Who ambushed us outside of her office and basically forced me to agree to perform with them.”

“Voldemort was at Los Feliz?!”

Flynn’s gasp was overflowing with sarcasm.

“Flynn!” Julie whined. “Be serious! Luke showed up out of nowhere again! And he did the thing again! The charming his way into getting what he wants thing! And now I have to play with his freaking band! What the hell am I supposed to do?”

There was silence for a moment. When Flynn spoke again her voice was softer, more serious.

“You don’t have to play with them, Jules. You can tell them no, and they’ll have no choice but to respect that. The only person who can make you do anything is you. But...I kinda think you might want to play with them.”

“What?! No!”

Julie’s exclamation was a second late. Flynn didn’t say anything. She didn’t need to. Julie sighed.

“Okay fine. There’s something about Luke that makes me want to play again. Are you happy? He gave mom’s song back to me when I thought it was lost forever. He’s the only person who’s heard me perform it, and he...no one else has ever made me feel that good about my music before.”

Julie thanked her lucky stars Flynn wasn’t in the room to see her blush. There was a long moment of contemplative silence on the other end of the line. When she spoke again, there was that extra note of take-no-shit in Flynn’s voice that made Julie sit up and really listen.

“I think you should give it a chance. Who knows, maybe this is some sort of sign from your mom. You said it was a miracle he would have even found that song in the first place. You said it felt like she was there with you when you were playing. Maybe she made sure it would find its way back to you when you were ready for it.”

Julie didn’t say anything, just worried her bottom lip with her teeth. Her heart beat a little faster in her chest. It had felt a little too perfect to be just a coincidence. The way Luke kept appearing in her life at the exact moments she needed him someone or something to help her keep moving forward. Flynn sighed.

“Look, I’m not saying it is your mom. But I’m not saying there’s not some kind of greater power out there that keeps pushing the two of you together. I think you should give it a chance. If nothing else, you can get back in the music program and we can bring Double Trouble to life in time for our Junior Showcase!”

Julie couldn’t help laughing. Her eyes felt misty, love for her best friend welling up in her heart.

“I never agreed to that name you know. But thanks, Flynn. I’ll think about it.”

“Good. Now. I gotta get the fuck out of this grimy ass bathroom. Love you, bye!”

Flynn waited for her to return the sentiment before hanging up. Julie flopped back on her bed, letting her breath out in a loud whoosh as she hit the comforter. A glance at her phone told her she only had a couple hours until Luke and the other boys would be out of school and on their way to her house. She tried her best to ignore the way that thought made her stomach roll with a type of nervousness she would rather not name. It was easier to blame it on nerves over playing with new people rather than nerves over playing with Luke. Except...now that she actually thought about it, she had played with Luke before. Her head spun, eyes fluttering shut as she remembered the one music class she had shared with Luke last year.

She had only been a freshman, stuck in a lowly Introduction to Composition class. It was supposed to be for new songwriters. Julie had a little more experience than the rest of the class, after all she’d been kind of composing with her mom for a few years now, so when it had been time to write a duet for their final big project she had gotten paired up with the classmate whose skill level most matched hers. It was supposed to be a way for them to challenge each other and grow as writers instead of one person doing most of the work. Julie had been paired with Luke.

He’d been a grumbly sophomore, held back for failing his last semester of Intro to Comp the year before. He had been stuck there only for the second semester, forced to double up between their class and his second year Composition class. Julie hadn’t been all that excited about partnering with him. He hadn’t really seemed to care about the class at all, and even though Julie also sometimes felt like it was holding her back a little bit, she never once voiced that thought. It was a privileged mindset, and Julie was well aware that she had an advantage over her classmates since her mother was a professional songwriter. Luke, on the other hand, had made it well known that he felt like he was wasting his time just waiting to get through the semester so he could move up to the Advanced Composition class that he felt he truly belonged in. Julie could usually do no more than roll her eyes in those moments.

It was true that Luke was talented. His guitar playing was impressive, his lyrics were heartfelt and sometimes even downright poetic. Julie just didn’t think anyone deserved specific things in life because they happened to be naturally talented at something. Their songwriting experience had been...interesting to say the least. And short. It had ended abruptly when Julie’s mother had died 5 days later. In the end, they’d only worked together for two 40-minute class periods before she had been lost in the fog of grief that consumed her in the weeks following the loss of her mom.

Julie shot up in bed, eyes wide. She didn’t even fully remember what had happened with the half-finished song they had been working on. Errant notes echoed in her head, like a song that had only existed in dreams until now. She absently wondered if Luke had held onto that as well. It was no wonder she had kept that particular memory suppressed all this time. That time in her life had been particularly painful. Luke had been gentle with her though. Almost all traces of his typical arrogance gone in the two short class periods they’d had to work together. He had kept things light, steering their songwriting in the direction of a rock ballad more than a true duet. Julie hadn’t minded. She had been floating through classes by then anyway, on edge every second she was away from her mom’s bedside. It had been easier to work on something that didn’t have as many sappy emotions attached to it.

She groaned, burying her face in her hands. No wonder Luke had been so sweet with her. He must have had a front row seat to her breakdown throughout the last year. She hadn’t even realized it. Had never before seen the way he watched her from a distance, checked in on her during class. She should have. Now that she was thinking about it, trying to identify every instance, she could name a million. How had she missed it for so long? How had he gone so long without saying anything? The Luke she remembered was terrible at keeping his mouth shut. He had always been ready to speak his mind, never afraid to start a discourse. It didn’t track that he had been holding himself back. Unless...it was more about her musical ability than anything else. She remembered now; Luke had been thrilled to partner with her for the duet. He had made some remark about how her sound was the perfect complement to his. Maybe he only cared about the ways they would mesh as songwriters. She could only hope that’s what his words had meant.

She felt more secure in her footing as a musician when it came to dealing with Luke than she ever had as a simple teenaged girl. If it was just about the music she could compartmentalize better, keep herself from getting too emotionally invested. Music had always been a safe zone, neutral. She breathed in and out deeply, remembering the technique Dr. Turner had taught her to slow her breathing and recenter her mind. She could do this. It was just about the music. They would play a song together, Julie would get back into the music program, and life would move forward much in the way it had before. Except Julie would actually participate in class this time. She had the music back in her soul, she wasn’t ever going to let it go again. On her next exhale, she heard the doorbell ring. Showtime. Julie zipped down the stairs, ripping open the door before her dad had a chance to get more than three feet away from his computer. Luke, Alex and Reggie all stumbled back a step as she tumbled outside, pulling the front door shut behind her. The three teenaged boys shared a look.

“Studio. Now.”

Julie raced down the path to her mom’s studio before they could react, not even waiting to see if they followed her. If they were smart, if they truly wanted to do this, they would. She hauled the garage doors open, only turning around when she had the piano at her back. The wood felt warm and solid, almost like she had her mom as a support behind her instead of an instrument. The boys appeared seconds later, Luke leading the way. He stopped a couple feet inside of the studio, studying her with wide open earnest eyes. She let out a deep breath. Reggie spoke up before she could get a word out.

“Woah, Julie, this studio is so cool! It’s like a tiny home! A musical tiny home in a botanical garden!!”

His green eyes were wide, expression awed as he spun to take in the space that Julie and her mom had spent countless hours turning into theirs.

“How did you get chairs on the ceiling?! Are you, like, a witch and a siren?!! Man, you and your mom must have made some serious magic in here.”

Luke’s arm shot out faster than lightening to backhand Reggie’s bicep. Reggie cringed away, a soft owww! just barely audible over the loud sigh Alex let out as he buried his face in his hands. Reggie shrugged, looking back and forth between his bandmates before giving Julie a confused yet apologetic glance. What had he said wrong this time? The giggle that bubbled out of her was as unexpected as it was welcomed. Warmth blazed in her heart, memories of the time she had spent in here with her mom washing over her with a kind of hazy bliss she hadn’t ever experienced before. She gazed at Reggie, letting that same feeling of motherly love from the night before fill her up. It was all she could do not to react to Luke’s jaw dropping when she gave Reggie a soft smile.

“We did. We made so much magic in here.”

The words were gentle and filled with a kind of genuine love that overshadowed all other feelings of awkward nervousness. Alex and Luke relaxed instantly, Reggie’s face losing all traces of uncertainty as he beamed at her with a smile so large it almost looked painful. Julie couldn’t help but let herself return it, just a little bit. The silence that settled between them was more comfortable, the tense moment from earlier broken. Julie studied the boys in front of her. She hadn’t ever thought of them as friends per se. They knew each other, would say hi if they encountered one another outside the walls of the high school, but at the same time, they didn’t actually know each other. Julie’s little run in with Luke the night before had made that painfully obvious. She wasn’t really sure what to make of them.

“Are you guys actually serious about this whole Showcase scheme? Did Luke even tell you about his dumb plan?”

“Hey! That plan is genius. Even your dad agreed. He seems pretty cool.”

Julie couldn’t help the fond way she rolled her eyes. Alex was quick to reassure her that they did, in fact, know about the plan.

“Not that I actually think it’s a particularly well thought out plan.” He stated with a lingering glare at Luke’s back.

The planner in question did his best to ignore the skeptical look on Julie’s face.

“Julie, you really don’t deserve to be out of the music program.” Reggie’s voice was soft and sincere. “You have the voice of an angel. If we can help convinced Ms. Harrison and Principal Lessa to give you your spot back it will be so worth it. And even if we don’t, it’ll be worth the looks on their faces when we rock the pants off that crowd!”

Julie laughed in spite of herself, slightly reassured even as she chewed nervously on her lip. Luke took a few bouncy steps forward, pulling her attention to him completely. His eyes locked on hers and she was sure she was drowning, throat tightening at the look he was giving her.

“You got this. I wouldn’t have come up with this idea if I didn’t believe it 100%.”

Honestly, that was what scared her the most about it.

“We don’t even have anything prepared.”

Her voice was barely a whisper, unsteady and wavering. Luke took a few more steps towards her, Reggie and Alex ghosting along silently a few feet behind him. Julie didn’t even notice, so laser focused on the brunette boy in the cut-up tank top in front of her. She watched his muscles flex as he reached into his back pocket, flicking out a piece of folded up paper in a move scarily reminiscent of when he had given her mom’s song back to her. He bit his lip, head ducking a little to be closer to hers as he unfolded the worn sheets of scrappy notebook paper. She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, focusing on the messy handwriting in front of her.

“I thought you would say that.”

The smile on his face was so soft and sweet it should have been illegal.

“It’s called ‘Bright’. It’s a Sunset Curve song that we never performed because it’s missing something. Look,” his bare shoulder brushed hers as he shifted to point at the notes, warmth seeping through the thin material of her t-shirt, “it’s perfect for your range. I was thinking, if we add a little bit of piano here and here,” fire blazed a path up her arm as his fingers traced along the opening notes and chorus, forearm flexing against her own, bare skin brushing in teasing licks, “it’ll be perfect.”

Julie forced herself to focus on what he was saying, eyes roving across the paper. She hummed a little under her breath, hearing what he described in her head. His eyes lit up when he saw her get it, feet springing up and down as he dipped even closer towards her and started to sing.

We will rise, through the night

You and I

We will fight to shine together

Bright forever

His voice vibrated in her chest, the sound filling her with an emotion she couldn’t fully identify. Alex and Reggie bobbed along behind him, Reggie’s fingers plucking out the baseline on an invisible guitar while Alex nodded along to an unseen beat. Julie could envision the way the song would sound with a complete band, could practically see herself fitting seamlessly into the mix with her piano and vocals. She couldn’t help the smile that curved her lips as she joined in, reading the lyrics off of the page.

And rise through the night,

You and I

We will fight to shine together

“Go up high.”

Luke cut in, fingers twirling towards the ceiling. Julie automatically made the adjustment in notes to harmonize her voice with his for the last line, holding the final syllable for a beat longer than him.

Bright forever

“Yes!”

Luke’s arm pumped up and down, bicep flexing and distracting Julie momentarily. She dropped her head shyly, trying to hide her blush. When her cheeks cooled a moment later she looked back up at the boy in front of her. His eyes were glowing, smile stretched a mile wide as he stared at her. Unconditional belief in her was practically oozing from his pores. She felt her face soften as their eyes locked, giving him her own sweet smile that was meant just for the two of them. She thanked him with a gentle murmur, heart melting as he simply bit his lower lip and nodded.

A throat cleared in the background, and Julie was snapped out of their private bubble by the sound. Her entire face felt engulfed in flames as she looked over Luke’s shoulder to see Alex and Reggie still standing a few paces behind him. Reggie’s face was bright, his sunshine temperament back in full force. Alex was a little more guarded, but he was giving her an encouraging smile and there was cautious optimism swimming in his sage green eyes as he fiddled with one of his drumsticks. She inhaled deeply and let her breath out in one smooth exhale. The same sort of peacefulness from the night before settled over her.

“Okay. Okay, so we’re doing this.”

Luke’s whoop was so loud both her and Alex jumped. Reggie raced forward with a cheer to sling one arm around Luke’s shoulders and the other around Julie’s, pulling them so close to his chest that their noses nearly touched. Julie saw the blush staining Luke’s cheeks and felt her own warm to match. Alex coughed again.

“Reg, c’mon. Let it settle for just a sec before you go all human octopus on the poor girl.”

“Oh, right! Sorry, Jules!!”

Reggie released both of them quickly. Julie flicked her gaze between the three boys, enjoying the glimpses at their band dynamic. Alex’s words had sounded a bit exasperated, but there was a fondness running through them as well. He gave a half-hearted roll of his eyes at Reggie’s abrupt movements and reached his own long arm out to pull the dark-haired boy close.

“Help me unload the van? I still don’t trust our little Lukey boy with my kit.”

“Hey! That was one time!”

Luke sounded downright offended. The dark look Alex leveled at him in response had Julie choking back a laugh with a badly disguised cough. Clearly once of whatever he did was enough. Luke pouted, arms flexing as they crossed over his chest.

“You put your foot through my bass drum, and you think that isn’t reason enough not to trust you with it ever again?”

Luke sputtered, eyes flicking to Julie and back to Alex as his ears reddened.

“I told you I didn’t see it!”

“It’s the biggest part of the kit, dumbass. Literally the hardest thing to miss.”

Alex’s voice was as unimpressed as it was dismissive. Luke threw his hands in the air as the other boys headed out of the studio, laughing amongst themselves. It was clear this was a regular argument between the two, no heat or anger left in it, only a loving sort of tease. Like the way Carlos still brought up that time she accidentally gave him a concussion double-bouncing him off of their neighbor’s trampoline when he wanted something from her. Or the way her Tía would still laugh as she remembered the time her mom had almost gotten them both arrested for a bar fight on her 21st birthday, Ray affectionately filling in the parts that she tried to leave out. Warmth bloomed in her chest. This wasn’t just a band, wasn’t just a ragtag trio of friends. These guys were brothers. This was a family. And they were letting her into that intimate circle.

The thought was both humbling and nerve-wracking. This Showcase was a big deal. It wasn’t just some school assignment. This could impact their future as a band career-wise. They were all trusting her with this, fully believing in her, or at least, fully believing in Luke’s faith in her abilities. She wasn’t sure anyone had ever believed in her like that. Not anyone that hadn’t known her since she was in diapers. Her head swam, knees feeling a bit weak. She stumbled her way over to the couch, collapsing onto it with a barely audible huff. Luke was in front of her instantly, crouched down so they were face to face. His hands twitched in his lap, but he didn’t reach for her.

“Hey. Julie. Breathe.”

She sucked in a breath, zeroing in on nothing more than his face. After a few seconds she realized he was breathing in and out slowly, just loud enough for her to hear over the jumble of thoughts running amok in her brain. She matched her own inhales and exhales to his, the room slowly coming back into focus as her head cleared. He gave her one of those soft smiles she was starting to think of as hers.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. But I wouldn’t have stopped you in school if I didn’t think you were gonna rock it. I heard you last night. I listened to you for years before last night.”

His chin dropped in embarrassment for just a second before he pulled his gaze back up to hers. Julie felt like she was on the edge of a cliff. Not for the first time she wished she knew how long this version of Luke had been lurking under the surface. It took everything in her not to let herself step off that ledge and fall.

“Music is in your soul. It’s a part of you. Not everyone is like that, but you are. Your life without music...”

He tapered off like the thought was physically painful to him, eyebrows furrowing in a slight wince.

“Living without music would be like living in a world without stars: dark and empty and uninspired. You deserve galaxies, Julie. You deserve the chance to shine exactly like the star you are, and the world deserves the chance to hear you. Please, just...have a little faith?”

She saw it then. As he gazed at her with those bottomless ocean eyes, with that special smile on his lips and sincerity bleeding through every word, she knew. Luke was like her. Luke got it. In a way that no one else except her mom ever had. That’s what this was. They were kindred spirits, two sides of the same coin. And that feeling? The wind rushing through her hair and stealing her breath away while her limbs all turned to jelly feeling? That was definitely her falling head over heels off of the cliff and into Luke Patterson completely.

“Okay.”

She breathed out, and his answering smile set off the butterflies she thought had finally left her stomach. He stood up and held a hand out to her, easily pulling her to her feet in one smooth movement.

“You know,” his smile turned rueful, “eventually you’re gonna have to answer one of my questions with something other than ‘okay’. That’s a pretty passive word, and I’m not really a passive type of person. I wanna start hearing some ‘hell yeah’s and ‘awesome’s pretty soon.”

Julie rolled her eyes, moving away from Luke to set up her keyboard. He gave her a bouncy little shrug of his shoulders, and she let the levity of his joke wash over her, releasing the last bit of nerves. She could do this. Luke believed in her. Her mom believed in her. Hell, Alex and Reggie believed in her and she barely even knew them. She could do this, just like her mom had said.

Noise from the other boys making their way up the driveway had her rushing to pull both doors to the studio open so they could haul in Alex’s drum kit. The three of them left together to grab amps and guitars, Julie finishing the rest of the set up in the garage. Before she had time to overthink things or freak out again, they were all settled into their spots and Alex was counting down for their first run through. Fingers against the keys, Julie breathed out, opened her mouth, and began to play.

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devilyn · 3 years

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𝟝𝟘𝟘 𝕗𝕠𝕝𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟𝕥

𝕙𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕠 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕪𝕠𝕟𝕖,

i want to thank you all for 500 followers (now 600 bc this is late) so i’m going to be doing a drabble prompt event!! woo!! (i have no idea what to call this, plz lol) plz participate or else i’ll be embarrassed.

i will probably close this event in a week or so, or whenever i feel like i’ve run out of steam lmfao.

status: closed

𝕣𝕦𝕝𝕖𝕤 𝕟 𝕘𝕦𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤

to request, send in the character you want plus the prompt you’d like me to follow, and anything else you may want me to include. [ex. tsukishima kei, w reader saying fluff 15, angst 5.]

i DO NOT take regular requests. i just don't have the time, srry :')

please only request 3 prompts max at a time, and 3 characters max. i will be writing them in one drabble together, so if you want a poly relationship or a threesome, u can request that and i will try my bestest.

if you want to request the same prompts for a different character so i can write a separate drabble, send another ask.

i write hurt/comfort, and angst best. fluff would come after, and anything 18+ is prob my weak point. on that note, if u r under 18, plz do not request smut from me. i am an adult w/ a conscience

drabbles will be less than 1k words. this means it could be 100 words or 900 words lol it depends on how ~inspired~ i am

smut is usually f!reader, but let me know if you want to request otherwise and i will do what i can :’) everything else is gender neutral unless requested otherwise.

i usually age up the hq kids and use their post-timeskip lives. if you want a fluff/angst drabble with the volleyball boys in high school, please let me know.

when it comes to sfw works, i WILL NOT write physical abuse (unless it is nsfw consensual), overtly depressive themes such as death or near death situations, and self-harm themes.

when it comes to my nsfw works, i WILL NOT write anything related to scat, vomit, bloodplay, excessive violence, pedophilia, incest, or noncon (unless it’s consensual noncon).

have fun :’)

𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕚 𝕨𝕣𝕚𝕥𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕣

[bolded are the characters i write best and enjoy writing about most]

karasuno

tsukishima kei

kageyama tobio

hinata shoyo

yamaguchi tadashi

nekoma

kenma kozume

kuroo tetsurou

aoba johsai

oikawa tooru

iwaizumi hajime

fukurodani

bokuto koutaro

akaashi keiji

shiratorizawa

ushijima wakatoshi

tendou satori

itachiyama

sakusa kiyoomi

inarizaki

miya atsumu

miya osamu

suna rintaro

𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕞𝕡𝕥𝕤

[taken from this list and this list and this one too lol ty]

fluff

“I’ll feel much better if you let me walk you home.”

“I wanted to say “I love you” for the first time without stuttering, but that failed.”

“Apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together.”

“you make me feel alive. for the first time ever, i feel like i can breathe”

“I fucking love you” “Hang up, and tell me this when you’re sober”

“I really want to kiss you right now” “Do it then”

“Are you flirting with me?” “You finally noticed?”

“I’ve been falling in love with you since the first day we met”

“Sorry… your hair was in your face… thought I should move it so I could see you better.”

“Where have you been all my life?” “Hiding from you”

“So it’s a date?” “Nope. Not a date”

“I’ve never felt such love.”

“I would give up everything for the chance to see your laugh again.”

“Stars pale in comparison to you.”

“My heart hurts when I see you and I find myself drunk on the pain.”

“I would give up everything for the chance to see your laugh again.”

“My hand was made to fit into yours. That’s all there is to it.”

“I couldn’t imagine my future without you now that I have you.”��

“I’ve never seen color like I do with you.”

“Everything about you is amazing to me.”

angst

“I don’t know how to exist in a world without you”

“The worst thing is, that even after all of that, I’m still in love with you.”

“Did you at least think of me, when you were having sex with them?”

“No. The moment you saw me as a bet was the moment you fucked up.”

“If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart.”

“I swear, if you say another word, I’ll leave.”

“Would you just shut up and listen to me for two goddamn seconds?!”

“If I asked you to stay, would you?”

“I don’t know who you are anymore”

“Of course I still love you. but I hate myself for it.”

“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.”

“I can’t have this argument with you again” “But-” “No. I’m done”

“All I wanted was a happy ending.”

“I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”

“Until you can return the time I wasted on you, I don’t want anything to do with you.”

“I don’t hold people close. It makes it easier for them to hurt you.”

“Kill my feelings, kill my soul. Kill everything I am.”

“It’s not working out. We’re not working out.”

“Hey, I’m leaving for good. I’ll...see you around.”

“I feel like I’ve died now that they’re gone.”

smut

“Seeing you between my legs is so hot.”

“I may or may not have left some….marks.”

“I think we were a little too loud last night.”

“Really? You wanna have sex….here? Now?”

“Bite your lip one more time, I dare you”

“The noises you make are incredible”

“We’re just…friends.” “Friends don’t do this type of shit!”

“What are you gonna do about it?”

“God, I love your hands” “Lets put them to good use then”

“I know you can be louder than that.”

“Don’t make me take you home and punish you.”

“You’re not going out in that outfit.”

“Don’t give me that look.”

“You’re more than just a one night stand.”

“You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad.”

“You’re not taking me to bed. Ever.” “Who said it had to be on the bed?”

“Shut up.” “Why don’t you come over here and make me.”

“C’mere, you can sit on my lap until I’m done working.”

“If we get caught I’m blaming you.”

“You have no idea how much I want you.”

#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #500 follower event #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#yes i did indeed suck it up and decide to do this #haikyuu drabbles

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queenofallimagines · 4 years

Note

Can I request Bakugou, Deku, Mirio and Shinsou having a poc crush and finding a way to protect them from being bullied like they overhear people talking about them or someone put skin lightener on their desk (apparently in Japan that's a thing people do to black people either on purpose or don't understand that it's offensive out of naivete/ignorance) or straight up if someone if looking down on them for not being Japanese?

So I did my own research on this and w o w I’m ready to fight so this is written out of like 3 am black rage

Bro just to say they would be hella pissed like they would go all yandere and kill them BC hell no

Bakugou:

- he’s already hella protective

- But let him find out someone put that shit in your desk

- (I am assuming it burns like a perm BC the ones I’ve been around have and they smell awful)

- When he hears you yelling in pain he looks and he can smell that

- “What the fuck.”

- He’s pissed when he finds out

- So is class 1A

- Bro

- They’re gunna go apeshit

- He’s leading the mob to whoever did it

- Like they tell the teachers and do an investigation

- He has Deku find out who did it

- While he’s comforting you BC holy shit that’s a hate crime

- He’s gunna wash it off your skin immediately

- Checking for any burns or anything

- Takes you right to recovery girl

- Stomping his big ass feet all the way into the halls

- He’s mad but two types of mad

- He’s prone to rage out so that’s what he gunna do

- But that murder angry calm is what he feels too

- So he’s in between

- He’s pacing outside her office like fuck man

- What’s he gunna do

- Like he has to fight them

- But how??

- He can’t get expelled

- So he has Shinsou get in on it too lmao

- (He’s in class 1a)

- When they find the person

- They force them to apologize to you

- Then they fight they beat the shit outta them

- Like no holding back

- Aizawa is like

- “Tf are y’all doing I’ll expel you.”

- They explain and he lets it go LMAOO

- They beat that fool up again after school jumped him and all his friends

- It’s a class vs class free for all

- You are so confused when they come in in minor bruises the next day

- The kids get expelled but oh mom you press charges

- BC Fuck them

Deku:

- same thing for bakugou but shit man

- He’s even angrier

- BC he probably didn’t even know I was going on

- You ain’t think it was that big of a deal you roast they ass in the dL

- Then the desk happens

- He can smell it so thankfully it never touches your skin

- He throws the desk out he window

- He’s fuming

- Bakugou said: “he’s gunna kill someone sensei”

- Lmao he’s only seen him this mad as a kid

- He’s shaking with rage

- Stomps out the class

- Nobody sees him for the rest of the day

- He’s talking with his mom

- She calls the police and they catch the kid

- He ruins them

- Like the class just sees him in the verge of loosing it everyday

- He’s calm tho

- He exposes them and they can never be a hero

- Like he makes sure they can never get a job again

- Like ard sir

- He’s all The while smothering you in love

- Like you ain’t even know what happened til you saw it in the news later that week

- Dam he works quick

- Nobody says shit to you anymore

- Lmao they scared

Mirio:

- okay

- He is wild on the inside

- Like he’s in disbelief for like a second

- Racism??? Huh??

- He’s never thought of you as anything besides beautiful

- He’s taking you to the nurse and patching you up

- Recovery girl is shocked

- He’s gunna March right to Nezu and demand action be taken

- Comforts you but is still looking for them

- When he finds em

- Oh boy

- They will never see the light of day again

- The don’t show up to school for like 2 weeks

- When they come back they have healing bruises and they get expelled on sight

- The big three pretend they didn’t jump them kids lmao

- He would make them lick the desk clean LMFAO

- He’s not playing with his sunshine

- Would be on the lookout of anymore incidents like

- Nothing like this happens again

- No weird looks

- No disapproving stares

- No snide comments

- Nothing

- They made sure of that

- He’s gunna be with you a lot more to make sure you’re safe

- And BC he feels guilty he didn’t see it happening

Shinsou:

- first off he’s not having it

- Fires back with rude comments of his own

- “Shut up broke ass.”

- “You can’t even spell melanin.”

- That last one wasn’t in insult it’s just somethings would write on twitter

- But he always gets to class early to avoid hallway traffic

- He sees some students not from his class leaving the room

- They was all kekeke n shit

- He thinks nothing of it

- He’s gunna sit down and rest his eyes until class starts

- Bro

- He shoots up when he hears you scream

- Nah

- He looks and sees stuff in your desk

- He already knows what is it

- He’s dragging you to recovery girl then the principal office

- He’s demanding they be expelled

- He’s gon press charges

- He’s too mad to see straight

- If staff is bugging he goes to they class

- You tell him to calm down and he’s like

- “I’m good,I’m Gucci.”

- He waits till lunch

- He walk up to them and goes off

- “I know exactly what you did and if you thought you could go without repercussions than think again.”

- Used his quirk and MaKes then snitch on themselves

- Makes em call they parents

- Then go to the principal

- They’re promptly expelled

- Angry cuddles

- “I cant believe. This is a school for heros!! Not villains.”

- He’s shaken up by this worse than you tbh

- He’s gunna make sure it had no serious affects on your skin

- Let’s you rant

- Will rant to Aizawa

- He’s kissed and he’s gunna watch you more closely now

#bakugou katsuki #tw racial violence #my writing #mirio togata x reader #mirio togata #shinsou x reader #shinsou hitoshi #deku x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #izuku midoriya #x poc reader #x black reader #x dark skin reader #boko no hero imagines #my hero academia imagines

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dangan-happy · 3 years

Note

(I want Mikan to have wheelies to escape her feelies) Komaru, Celeste, Monomi. Crush anon here again and I’m 100% done. She ignores me one second and then she texts me outta nowhere as if I’ll automatically be nice. And that’s what happens every time. I’m getting targeted AGAIN by people who can’t leave the past where it should stay. They say they’re spreading “awareness” and not out to ruin my life but it feels like it lmfao how else would they know I change my user unless they stalk me. (1/2)

Wh-Wh-Whaaaaaaa--?! Crush anon, that’s just beyond terrible! That’s, like, one of the biggest no-nos I’ve witnessed since that day when Monokuma ruined my carrot garden. Those people are such meanies; to not leave the past in the past and to not let you do what you need to do is just wrong! Wrong wrong, ding-dong wrong! Grrrrr, this angers me as your teacher... but alas, you’re in need of hugs, so I shall hold back the urge to use my magic stick on those mean people for now.

I truly think it’s not right for her to pull such a mean trick like that, but I also think it’s not right for those people to keep bringing up the past. Like that one girl with the pretty ice dress and cool ice powers in that movie once said: “The past is in the past!” And she’s right, though it seems like these people believe otherwise, which is not good. Nuh-uh, not at all. They’re not “spreading awareness”; they’re being big ol’ bullies! Here you are, moving in the right direction like the super duper amazing person you are and having a solid bond with your crush, but then these meanies decide to crash the party! That’s just a load of rotten carrots right there. Waahhh, and to hear that you were crying as you typed this ask out makes me cry. I shall wipe away your tears first though, my dear crush anon. My tears can wait; I must be there for my students first and foremost.

I can tell that you’re almost breaking from this despair, but please, for your sake, try your very best to keep your head held up as high as possible. You can get through this, and if you want, you can hold my stubby hand along the way. I don’t mind, tee-hee. But seriously, you’re going to be okay. I sadly don’t know what the final outcome will ultimately be though, but for now, let me give you as many soft, squishy hugs as you want. You can cry as much as you want, too, if you want. And if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll even make you some ramen noodles and play video games with you! I shall let some of my students take over now, but please, just keep in mind that I care about you and your well-being, and I one-thousand percent believe in you.

---

Oh my gosh, anon. Words... words cannot express how sorry I am to hear all of that. Seriously, I’m almost speechless just from reading all of that. Maybe I should confront Toki about those people who seemingly can’t let go of the past and let you live your life...

N-Nevermind that right now though. Seriously, those people just need to screw off! You acknowledge whatever mistakes you made in the past, you own up to them, and you’re willing to move on and learn from then. You’re a genuinely good person who knows when to own up to your own mistakes and learn from them; that’s long since been established. But to have those people do such terrible things, and then to have her do that and expect you to act natural and completely fine about it; that’s just wrong and then some. But Monomi’s right though. Right now, it probably feels like the despair is just overwhelming and maybe even too much for you to handle. However, I know you can do it! And me, Monomi, Celeste, and everyone else here will be here by your side! Well, okay, you have people like Junko and Byakuya who may be a bit more reluctant to helping others and giving them hope, but me and Toki will force them to help you out if you need them to!

I know you only specifically wanted hugs, but I just wanted to say something first. I’ll happily give you a hug or two now, anon. Feel free to come back again if you ever need to. I promise, despite being some average high school girl, I’ll be here by your side. Please take care of yourself now, anon.

Hello again my dear, I'm sorry to hear that things haven't improved for you. Nevertheless, I'll try my best to help you. Hmm, that certainly is some strange behavior from your crush. That seems like some classic avoidance behavior. I'm guessing she's avoiding some topic, and if I'm being honest, that behavior is quite irritating and unfair. I completely understand your frustrations. You're being targeted again? How disgusting and despicable. How are they spreading awareness by stalking and harassing you? That doesn't make sense in the least, and I doubt their actions serve any ulterior motive aside landing hits on you and trying to cause pain. Something like a user change is a fairly small detail, so yes, I believe that would take a certain amount of watching your accounts to see a change each time it occurs. Constantly watching for every little detail, and then posting it publicly does fall under stalking and potential harassment in my humble opinion. Well it's no wonder you're getting tired of it! This is an utterly ridiculous situation. Perhaps I can give these people the benefit of the doubt and say that they think they're doing the right thing, but that doesn't excuse that their methods are wrong and ultimately harmful. These people's work is inexperienced and sloppy, and I really am sorry you have to be on the receiving end of such a damaged loose cannon. I am glad that you at least have one friend on your side. Hopefully that can make things the slightest bit more bearable.

My dear, I am very very proud of you for trying to change. You've gone miles above so many other people. You've acknowledged that you've done wrong, and that is an impossible step for so many people. You really are making a genuine attempt to change, and that's amazing. You're already becoming a better person just for trying, and that makes me respect you full heartedly. No, it truly isn't fair in the least. I would punch these people in the face, although I believe that would ruin my whole aesthetic. I'll find someone else to do it for me then. Obviously these people have their actions twisted if they even really considered your well being to begin with. People are capable of doing terrible things, I'm certainly one to talk. But I do believe that people can be redeemable, if and only if they make a genuine effort to change and never go back to their previous behavior. As far as I can see, you've done just that, and you're already so much more than the person that these slanderers think you are. It really does make me angry to hear what these people have done to you. They genuinely ruined a chance for you to successfully change and be happy, and GOD DAMMIT THAT'S DISGUSTING OF THEM...but what happened happened. Unfortunately we can't change the past, and as hard as it is, you have to keep going forward. I'm so sorry they took that from you. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you'll be able to find that kind of happiness again. It will be even stronger, and these people won't be able to ruin it for you. I fully agree, they should shut the hell up. I really am sorry my dear. I can't imagine the pain that you're in.

Apologies for the harsh truth, but there's nothing left for you in that relationship. It's clear that whatever you had is gone, so you shouldn't waste your time chasing what's already vanished. Moving hard is never easy, especially when it was taken out of your hands like this. If I could change it, I would. I truly would. But you need to keep going. Bury the past as they say. Holding all of this weight is crushing you, you need to let it go. I know, it'll hurt even worse for a time when you do, but that pain will fade. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger my dear, and I believe those words are true. Don't let these despicable slugs win. Show you're stronger and better than they think you are. I know it hurts, but keep going. I promise you you'll find someone better, and all of this will be a bad memory before long. I am sorry you lost a person who was important to you, but in all honesty, it's their loss. They won't ever find a person like you again. I know you're empty, and you don't have to feel full again any time soon. You're grieving after all. Even if a person hasn't passed away, losing like this is still a cause for grief.

Oh you poor thing, it's perfectly ok to cry. Don't keep these things in, let them out before they suffocate you. I'll hug you for as long as you need alright? I'm right here, I support you and I know others do as well. You really are a good person. You are changing and you're already so much better than these people, no matter what happened in your past. I know there's nothing else I can say that will really make you feel better, so I'm perfectly happy to just sit with you and be with you, emotional support if you will. Don't let ghosts of the past drag you down. I see how much of a better person you are, and I'm sure others do too.

#danganronpa #danganronpa roleplay blog #ask #komaru naegi #monomi #mod hajime #celestia ludenberg #mod celeste

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the-voltage-diaries · 4 years

Text

Embrasse-Moi (Part 2) - Eisuke Ichinomiya x Soryu Oh

For, @kbtbbposts. Hi. It’s been a while. (Lmfao utter lies, it’s been over a month). I’m sorry for the delay <3

‘Embrasse moi’: French for ‘Kiss me’.

Disclaimer: Guy x Guy, Suggestive. Also there’s cussing here so tread carefully who am I kidding all of us love an Eisuke and a Soryu who say fuck and also do it later on. Also, this chapter includes the PoVs of both characters, i.e Eisuke and Soryu (totally not just for the heck of it) First it’s Eisuke, then Soryu and then back to Eisuke. The change of banners will tell you.

Word count: 3022. Lol the least I can do in an attempt to make up for the delay is publish a long ass chapter.

P.S.: I’m always open for feedback. Feel free to hit my asks anytime, about any of my works (you can ask as anonymous if you don’t want me to know who you are lol)

I wake up to the sound of something chiming near my head.

With one of my arms draped lazily over Soryu’s sleeping figure, I reach out for my mobile with the other. As soon as I type in the password and check the mail, I almost immediately regret it. Sighing, I place the phone back on the nightstand and turn around to face Soryu’s back, conveniently ignoring the message, ready to doze off again for a little bit.

The moment my eyes close, my phone starts buzzing. An annoyed huff escapes me before I manage to find the device again and answer the call.

“Good morning, Ichinomiya!” Jason says on the other end of the line, his voice retaining its usual cheeriness even at 7AM in the morning. Does this man not sleep, or what.

“What do you want.”

“Yes, yes, Eisuke. I’m doing well, thank you for asking,” the fucker says, sarcasm practically dripping from his words, “How about yourself?”

“Bye.” I mutter, about to hang up. Don’t get me wrong, but I have neither the time nor the desire to be happy go lucky for someone who ruined my peaceful morning.

“Hold your horses, mister. I called for a reason, actually.”

Then get to it already, damnit.

“I wanted to let you know we’re meeting at my office at ten-thirty today. Works for you?”

“Mm,” I reply, sitting up as I think. I feel Soryu stir beside me and I pause, not wanting to wake him up. But instead of opening his eyes and waking up, he just turns around and wraps an arm around my lap, nestling into it as if I was a body pillow. “Yeah. I’ll be there.”

“Okay, see you then.”

I hang up and run my fingers through my hair, letting myself enjoy the calm for a minute more before I need to get up. The moment I lift myself off the bed, I feel Soryu stir again at the loss of contact, but he manages to grab on to a nearby pillow to make up for it.

I’ll admit, for a moment I am tempted to rip that pillow out of his hands and get back into the bed with him, because Eisuke Ichinomiya doesn’t take kindly to being replaced, but I quickly shake my head to dismiss the thought.

I take a quick shower and put on my shirt, opting for my usual formal attire. Every little movement of mine is made quietly with the desire to not wake him up, because I know he needs the sleep if he doesn’t want to face the full wrath of a terrible hangover.

“Mmm,” he groans, still fully asleep, having no idea of the tough morning that awaits him. Speaking of hangovers, I walk over to the landline in the room and dial up the reception, trying to choose between the ideas of letting his hangover kill him or being a good citizen and saving his sorry ass.

“Morning, I’d like a bottle of ibuprofen and a glass of water in my room, and make it quick,” I tell the receptionist and hang up, my eyes catching the sight of a small notebook and pen on the nightstand.

I grab the pen and open the notebook, smirking as I write down a few words.

“I’m out to meet Jason for the business you definitely fucked up yesterday. I hope you’re no longer a man-child who yells ‘I am batman’ out of nowhere. On the off chance you are, let me remind you that puking on the bed is something you shouldn’t be doing.” “P.S. Yes, you did actually yell ‘I am batman’ yesterday.”

I tear the piece of paper and place the note beside him on my side of the bed, already imaging his reaction in my head.

I wake up with the unquenchable desire to throw my head into either a toilet or a paper bag.

The light blaring into the room through the windows feels nothing less than needles pricking into my eyes. As soon as my eyes adjust to the light, I get off the bed and make my way towards the bathroom, although barely in time. My hands grab on to the sides of the toilet seat as if it were a life support and my stomach somersaults as I vomit its contents out.

It, no doubt, is one of the worst hangovers of my life. This is also the first time the hangover is so bad that I feel the need to puke, that it doesn’t just stop at a headache. I can hold my liquor well, and have never had to face a lot of them, but this one is so violent that the back of my throat stings.

What in the hecks did I drink last night? How bad was it?

The memories of last night start to flood in, although they are fragmented beyond repair. The last thing I remember as clear as day is the time Eisuke and I met Jason at the bar. I vaguely recall us having a discussion over a few drinks and Eisuke walking out to take a call.

“That bastard,” I hiss, remembering the part where Jason showed me a new drink, the name of which I don’t remember, and asked me to try it. That’s where my brain starts getting fuzzy again.

A broken, foggy memory of the man laughing at my intoxicated ass passes through the front of my mind.

“Fuck.”

I got drunk.

Scratch that, I got wasted.

I got wasted at a meeting where I was supposed to remain in control of myself.

Damn it, Soryu. Could it get any worse?

That’s when I realise, yes, it could. And yes, it definitely did.

Wait a second. What happened after that? How did I make it back to the fucking room? Don’t tell me, did Eisuke bring me back?

I slowly lift myself up and walk back to the door of the bathroom. I try to remember what happened after I got completely inebriated but nothing comes to mind. My eyes sweep the room for a sign of anything that would help me at least piece the broken fragments of last night in some sort of a cohesive sequence. I don’t find any sign of Eisuke, but instead, my eyes stop at a note lying on his side of the bed.

Before I can so much as take a step in its direction, though, I feel the world go for a toss and my body once again turns back to the support of the toilet… only to throw up again. I hold the commode tightly as my body heaves, tired after spilling the contents of last night twice now. I take a moment to calm down and then get up and make my way towards the note I remember seeing.

Out of all the things to do, why the fuck did I do that?

Sweet mother of holy crap.

If Eisuke is to be believed, which he mostly is, the only way to describe my behaviour last night would be complete madness. My fingers clench around the paper in embarrassment, clutching it hard while my feet carry me back to the bathroom to clean myself up. Just when I think I have regained control over my exhausted self, I feel my stomach do a practice run-through of a gymnastics session as my body lurches forward, spilling its remaining contents into the toilet.

“Ah, shit,” I mutter, resting my head on the back of my palm, my eyes stinging with the pain of throwing up thrice this time, “I’m never drinking anything Jason gives me, ever again.”

“That sounds like a wise decision,” Ichinomiya butts in. Funny, because he doesn’t have a butt, really. Although cracking jokes right now isn’t really my best option.

My body agrees, because his voice coming out of nowhere makes my shoulders jump in an almost comedic way and I whip my head to look back at him like a literal deer caught in headlights. He’s keeping his jacket on the bed and chuckling at my reaction as we speak.

“I see you didn’t puke on the bed,” He smirks, undoing the top button of his shirt. “Very considerate of you.”

“Shut up, Ichinomiya,” I say, turning around and sitting down so that my back is against the toilet seat.

I hear his footsteps as I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. I roll my head back, regretting everything that has led me to this situation. Before long, a dull pain starts pulsating through my head and that’s all it takes for me to know I’m in for a crappy headache for breakfast. Just as I am about to let out an annoyed groan, I hear Eisuke’s footsteps cease a short distance away. “Here, have this.”

I open my eyes slowly and blink a couple of times before looking up at him. He is leaning against the door leading to the bathroom, holding a glass of water in one hand and a bottle of ibuprofen in the other.

I reach out to grab the bottle and take a pill out, muttering a low thanks, and take the glass of water from him. It doesn’t take me long to swallow the pill gratefully, and I notice Eisuke take a few steps forward and sit down beside me on the floor. My fingers freeze in the middle of tightening the bottle cap as I stare at him, then at the spot he is sitting on, then back at him.

Is this Ichinomiya? Or am I in some fucked up fantasy land?

I blink for a second or two before looking at him again.

There is no way in hell this pain in the ass without an ass is sitting on the floor right now.

“What.” He asks when he sees me staring at him for a whole minute… or at least a whole minute.

“Are you okay?”

He turns his head to look at me, raising a brow.

“Why is Your Royal Highness sitting on the floor of a bathroom?” I ask, overlooking the throbbing in my head for a moment to smirk at him. Of course, it’s just for a moment because the moment that moment gets over, my headache comes back to me with full force.

Needless to say, he ignores the jab. Instead, he bends his body a little closer to my own and looks up at me, and I almost lose my shit again at the actual look of concern he gives me. “Feeling better?” he asks, his face close enough that I can smell his cologne.

Which is worth noticing, because he doesn’t wear strong scents. “I… yeah, I’m fine,” I say, focusing on the way a few strands of his hair fall over his eyes. I’m not sure why I have a faint feeling that he is about to kiss me.

The moment that thought enters my mind, a few more fragments from yesterday come back to me. I vaguely remember bits and pieces of the scene where Eisuke helped me out of my business clothes and put on the casual ones. I recall a small bit where I brought my face closer to his and before I can walk through it any further, the memory cuts out, leaving a throbbing pain in its wake.

Wait… does that mean we kissed last night?

“Okay, enough small talk,” he says, stopping me from thinking any further, “We have a long day ahead of us and you might want to freshen up if you want to play a productive role in it.”

“Give me a break, my head feels like someone has opened a club in here.”

“You’ve got 20 minutes.”

... Motherfucker.

Soryu places the platinum key card in front of the card reader and the door to our room slides open to allow the both of us to enter. It is now eight-thirty in the evening, and the both of us are a little tired because wow, it was a long day.

Since I already finished the business part of our trip this morning with Jason, Soryu and I were free to do whatever we wanted for the rest of the day. I took him out for brunch to a private little restaurant just a little way away from the main city and gave him a run-down of the crux of what happened in the meeting this morning. After brunch, we went for a little sightseeing around town and on Soryu’s suggestion, checked out some of the local spots he knew about - much to my dismay, of course.

Why? Well, the crowds here are no joke, and we couldn’t take the limo so we had to walk around the city. Yes, we had to walk around the streets. In a city full of people. People left and right. People front and back. People here, people there. Basically every fucking where. No wonder I was drained out.

“Let’s pack our bags before calling it a night, yeah?” Soryu says, pulling me out of my reverie. I look around the room and find it to be just as clean and fresh as it was the night we checked in.

“Mm,” I hum, walking into the room and towards my suitcase. Placing it on the bed, I walk over and open the door to my side of the closet and take a handful of clothes. I start packing my bags and I see Soryu following suit.

He starts gathering his clothes and after he is done packing the ones in the closet, he reaches out to the ones we wore yesterday. They are placed on one side of the bed, clean and folded, thanks to the room service. As soon as his fingers come in contact with the blue shirt I made him wear to bed last night, I notice him pause mid-way.

“What is it?” I ask when he doesn’t move for a few moments. He doesn’t answer me immediately, looking almost as if he was in the middle of thinking something deep. “Earth to Soryu,” I call out again, and he finally gives a non-committal hum. “What is it?” I ask one more time, even though I hate repeating myself.

“Uh, some pieces of last night are coming back to me,” he says, closing his eyes as one of his hands starts massaging his temple.

That should be a good thing, right? What’s got him so serious?

I stop thinking when I see his eyes open in my periphery, and he slowly lifts his head up to look at me. “Did we kiss? I-I mean, did I kiss you last night?” He blurts out, and I look at him only to see his face looking in my direction without its usual emotionlessness.

Wait, is that even a word?

“I don’t-” he cuts in, stopping my thoughts midway, “Th- I don’t think that’s possib-”

“Yes.” I interrupt, not wanting him to dismiss it just like that. “Yes, we kissed last night.” He freezes completely. He just looks at me in what seems like complete shock, and doesn’t speak for a few moments before he finally comes to his senses.

“Fuck, I’m sorr-”

“There’s nothing to apologise for,” I say, taking a step towards him. “So, don’t.”

“No, Eisuke,” He says, taking a small step back, “You don’t get it. I was completely out of my mind and I shouldn’t have-”

“You don’t regret it, do you?” I ask, taking another step towards him to cut him off.

He takes another step back and pauses, contemplating. He looks like someone just asked him to give up on omelettes, which would be comical enough to make me chuckle any other day except right now, I am not in the mood for jokes.

“The kiss,” I repeat, taking another step in his direction.

Goddamnit, how many more times will I have to repeat myself in this one god forsaken day?

“Do you regret it, Soryu?” I ask, my voice low, and he tries to take another step back - only to bump into the wall behind him.

“Should I?” He suddenly says, looking up, his eyes staring into my own. I take the one last step towards him that brings us just mere inches away from each other.

“I don’t know about you,” I whisper, and I see his breath quicken, “But I don’t.”

“You don’t?” He repeats, his voice cracking. A light blush creeps into his cheeks as I take one small step forward, now almost pressing our bodies to each other’s.

I bring a finger up to his face and graze his jawline with it, slowly trailing it down his chin and along his neck. His eyes involuntarily close at the contact and he takes a sharp breath. “No, Soryu,” I whisper, my other hand finding its way to his side, lightly scratching over the cloth, “I don’t.”

I hear his breathing pick up some more pace as he dips his head, his forehead barely touching my shoulder. I bring my face closer to his ear and I feel him catch his breath, his body ceasing all movement.

“There seems to be a lot of confusion between us,” I whisper, and I watch as his body shudders slightly the moment those words leave my mouth, “How about we do something to ensure there is no more confusion?”

“A-and what is that?” He chokes out, nearly melting when my tongue slides down his ear.

Fuck, Soryu.

He lets out a pleased hum at the touch, and I barely manage to keep it all together.

Oh god, this is going to be the death of me.

His hands come to rest on my chest, his fingers folding against my shirt.

“Soryu Oh,” I whisper, my fingers reaching out to hold him by the back of his neck while my teeth nibbled on his earlobe, “Let me fucking kiss you.”

He gasps, his fingers coiling around the fabric of my shirt. After a pause, he answers me in breath so shallow I almost don’t catch it.

An answer that makes me lose my fucking mind.

“Okay.”

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msuhana · 4 years

Text

heeyoo everyone ! i’m ume ( 21+, she/her, pst! ) and this is my first muse here ! i’ve been eyeing this place for a while but only got enough time recently to really be able to join so i’m supes excited to be here !!! anyway enough with the ice-breaker-esque intro, this is hana 🖤 ( yves fc ) and she’s quite the pain in the ass bc she has quite the longest stick in her ass lmfao! her profile is right here, but it’s ridiculously long ( not that this isn’t ridiculously long but wtv ) so if you don’t want to get a headache .... mb read the below deets first ? i’d reaaaaaaaally love to plot with everyone, i’d much prefer it over twitter (@nagisasgf) or via discord ( feel free to ask! ) rather than tumblr dms, if possible. but if you’d also like to plot, feel free to like this and i’ll zoom by for some one on one time ! 🤪🤪🤪

TW WARNINGS CHILD ABUSE, VIOLENCE, BLOOD, NSFW

meet cho hana

again, cho hana: 21 y/o ( 11/11/98 ), toseong senior majoring in transfiguration, minor in herbology

she’s also in these clubs: chess club (co-president), debate club, and herbology club!

her mother chose her clubs and her major, hana chose her minor and the herbology club

born and raised in seoul, south korea! she’s also a mahoutokoro graduate

she was a ‘accident’, her father is severely out of the picture to the point that hana doesn’t even know his name / whereabouts or questions about him because her mother never told her about him at all and hana just accepted it ( aka her mother has a very tight reign on hana’s life )

speaking of her mother, her mother is a famed auror who fell from grace when she got pregnant with hana

because of her pregnancy with hana, she had to retire early and thus dedicated her entire life making sure hana didn’t make the same mistakes she did and was just as smart, talented and envied as ahyoung had been

this makes for a very restrained childhood, where all hana knew was studying, studying and more studying

also if it isn’t obvious, hana has serious mommy issues to the point that she’s disillusioned herself into thinking everything is okay when it’s not

( TW FOR CHILD ABUSE )

whenever her mother was displeased with something, she’d physically abuse hana -- it began when hana would get things wrong, if she didn’t get the right grades or failed to make the top of her class but then it started to extend to embarrassing her mother by saying or doing the wrong things

( END TW )

it’s pretty bad because hana thinks, still, if she works hard enough she can somehow gain her mother’s love

ever since she was young, hana was conditioned to strive for the best, because she was ‘cho ahyoung’s daughter’ she could do it, to the point that it not only inflated hana’s ego, it also really fucked up her self-esteem and how she she’s her own self-worth

a lot of people think she’s a ‘genius’ or ‘prodigy’ because of her academic history but she’s literally the opposite, she works way too hard for her grades but her mother wants her to pretend she’s a genius because she thinks it’s embarrassing that her own daughter isn’t a natural-born genius like she is

i, hana

this bitch has Big Tsun vibes if you know it you know it 🤪

like she’ll geniunely care but she’s also HEAVES BIG SIGH BC ???? WHY ??? WHAT ARE THESE FEELINGS ???

she’s such a priss, and she knows it -- that’s why i say she has a stick up her ass bc she does

she’s definitely not a wild card, she’s very by the book, rules and all, sure -- she tries not to fault people if they’re not the same as her but if you go out of your way to be stupid, you’ll be getting an ear-full

probably the most put-together person you know, organized, meticulous, looks like she has her life all together? yeah that’s cho hana

her outfits of choice are hot librarian chic, if you must know -- yes, she owns sweater vests and layers her clothes, and yes she thinks they’re sexy

she’s not mean, but she’s also not unreasonably nice off the gate ???? she’s just really civil and mutual ??? mostly she’ll fake smile at you but in her head she’s like ‘i’m with stupid’

no, but if you’re really dumb / do something really dumb she’ll call you out on it without filter

she’s a very type-A personality, but she wasn’t always like this. if anything, she was made to be this way and it kind of stuck. she carries around a planner ( no, not those bullet journal crap ) an actual planner with real dates, a to-do list and scheduled sessions written for almost every minute of every day. if she loses this, she’ll practically shut down

hana doesn’t love control, she needs it -- if anything, without it, she can get a little antsy, so much that it kind of fucks with her fragile ego ( you can thank her mother for the need to be in control bc her mother literally controls every aspect of her life )

if she’s upset, she’ll probably grin through it before quickly excusing herself to go throw vases at the walls or tear flowers to shreds in the greenhouse

if you need someone to critically tear down your confidence and dish reality’s terrible news to you, hana’s probably the person you need

you can probably find hana in 3 places if she’s not in her dorm: studying in the library, crying in the greenhouse, or smoking at the pool of universe

she’s praised as some kind of genius or prodigy, but hana thinks it’s more of an insult than a compliment because she's neither. she won’t deny it but you can probably instantly see the way her demeanor changes towards you when you call her either of those things

this bitch should go on jeopardy with all the useless information she keeps on hand from all her studying, tbh. like she’d be leading a normal conversation with her friends, and if it’s remotely related, she’d randomly insert it into the conversation as if it was something normal like asking about the weather.

not one to go out looking for trouble, but much like a vulture – she follows it. perhaps it’s her desire to be praised, to feel needed, whatever – but in her group of friends, could probably be seen as the moral compass, if not, the person who’s cleaning up everyone’s messes ( or holding their hair while they puke their guts out )

needed connects

childhood friends who know how hana’s mom is, and all the stress she puts on her ( but not the bad things that happen at home ) and try to help her through her issues but hana’s like ‘no, it’s not your problem, it’s okay’ but this friend won’t give up because they hate to see hana so stressed and sad and frustrated and just want the best for her!!!!

give her friends who want to loosen her up because she’s literally so fuCKING RIGID, she needs to live a little but hana is literally like fuck that shit i need to study my ass off or else i’ll lose my place ( but really she’d probably not lose her place, she’s just delusional )

ppl she can actually break down in front of bc she feels stress keeping up w everyone’s expectations of who she is and she’s kind of SIck of pretending to be this Perfect Person but she keeps it up bc it’s better than hearing the nasty things about her

give me a good tension-filled rivals plot, this bitch is honestly so hyper-competitive it’s ridiculous, we’d just love someone to go ‘chill tf out you bitch, but oh yeah look how i steal rank 1 from you’

TOSEONG SENIOR PREFECT LOCKED ! so, hana worked extra hard junior year in order to get senior prefect ( or even head girl ) but since she got neither, hana is a) pissed and b) bitter because now she has her mother breathing down her neck for not getting either positions, but her mother’s wrath adds even more : ) unnecessary : ) stress and that stress : ) gets unreasonably taken out on that toseong senior prefect

exes who couldn’t keep up with her -- hana always puts her relationships second to her academic priorities and it comes to a point where she’ll put studying/getting ahead before hanging out with her significant other, and it has always been this way ; she’s also just never able to properly put her feelings into proper words so she’s always just ... Repressed

someone give her a love where she ALMOST threw everything away for but at the last minute didn’t -- OR BETTER YET she was so ready to do it but the s/o was like Sike! and she was left devastated and her already vulnerable feelings got even worse to the point that she closed herself off

HERBOLOGY CLUB MEMBER LOCKED ! ( could be a junior year or above! ) hana wasn’t always in the herbology club, but she joined her sophomore year after a brush of fate. after getting really bad results on her DADA exam, and fearing what her mother would say/do, she finds solace in the greenhouse ( she’s been there several times bc of her minor and finds it empty at certain hours ) and begins ripping up the plants. your muse can find hana and scold her / console her / etc. but somehow the interaction ends with your muse convincing hana to join the herbology club

( TW NSFW )

someone pls fuck her against a bookcase, just a thought

rivals but fwb ( can also be paired with the connect from above! )

( END TW )

hana secretly smokes. she doesn’t fault anyone who does, hana just thinks it’s a bad habit for herself and if her mother knew, she knew she’d never hear the end of it. so, enter your muse either they found her while they themselves were looking for a smoke or just happened upon her -- either way they found out hana smokes and it can end in either a ) hana doesn’t give a shit and ends up having smoking dates with them or b ) hana fucking fears for her life and exchanges something in order for you to keep your mouth shut

( TW ABUSE, VIOLENCE )

PRE-ESTABLISHED FRIENDS PLOT REQ ! but your muse mistakenly walks in on hana and her mother in the middle of a heated argument. you finally see hana being the submissive person you Don’t know her to be and in the nick of time you see her mother slap the shit out of her. you try to talk to hana but don’t know what to say -- shockingly enough -- you don’t need to say anything because hana just breaks down and it kind of just makes sense. from there, your muse will probably be the only person hana goes to about her mommy issues, especially when hana’s mom makes her ‘surprise’ visits to campus to check up on her

( END TW )

hana isn’t a bad drinker, if anything -- she’s pretty good at keeping her alcohol in check. however, you aren’t -- so here she is, holding your hair, holding your arm, or helping you back to your dorm room. either way, she’s here to take care of you and in the morning, lecture you for your almost alcohol intoxication scare

as top of her class, hana isn’t unfamiliar to tutoring others, if anything, a lot of her professors actually ask her to do so -- pairing her with several of their students at one time. maybe you’re one of the students she tutors?

someone who envies how well hana does in school, and is constantly praised for it -- maybe hates her for it? idk -- something spicy i guess or going so far to say how easily it comes to hana and kind of undermines the hard work hana actually does and hana either takes it or blows up at them for it bc that shit is annoying as fuck

toseong house cute plots bc hana isn’t really all that cute but like she tries ... she wants affection but won’t go out of her way to ask for it??? bitch has problems i swear

toseong house not so cute plots ( could also be relevant to any not from toseong ) who are just sick of hana’s genius bullcrap and want to take her down a notch !!!!! my ass heavily wanting this bc who doesn’t love a muse in pain / agony ; could also apply as a rivals / hate plot idk

( TW BLOOD )

HEALING MAJORS LOCKED ! your muse catches hana in the middle of her rage episodes. she unceremoniously is wreaking havoc somewhere and ends up breaking glass to the point that she ends up bleeding. your muse chances upon her -- sees that she’s bleeding and offers to patch her up. whether or not she fesses up to why she ended up this way, can be determined!

( END TW )

#msu:intro #honestly if you read all this u deserve everything Good in the world #also known as ume doesnt know when to stfuuuuuuuuu !!!!11!!1!!!#also yes i stole parts of her profile and stuck it here y not #ill have another post for halloween plots when i stop spamming the event blog bc my ass doesnt read directions carefully #tws are there just in case none of it is explained graphically but just in case ykno!!

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lizbotw · 4 years

Note

Okay. I think I’ll finally confess, because I’m way too excited for us to have matching themes. (Also gonna put that you’re my “buddy” in my description if we are gonna match themes lmao👀)Since you’re favourite character is Reiner, mine is........

......

.....Bertholdt!!!!! :DDD You’ve guessed right this whole time but it was hilarious watching the entire progress of my keeping info away from you and leaving you in the dark😌ALSO PLEASE TELL ME YOUR THINKIG PROCESS AND HOW YOU ALREADY HAD AN IDEA OF MY “TASTE” WHAT-you have idea how hard it was to keep it from you without bursting into my endles compliments I have for this tall precious boy who deserves the world🥺 I’ve been having some ideas but also wanted to let you guess..however it was too painful to wait because you were RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT but you still were unsure and thought it might be Marco or Reiner still aha, and none of this would’ve even been possible if I never mentioned the name because apparently you didn’t even remembered that he existed in the anime😭 So underrated.....Okay I was thinking of changing my quote in the blog name to one of Bert’s quotes and maybe you could do one too? Not to mention matching icons?🥺It sounds like so much fun but idk if you’re up for it..?? 😌Anyways you’re response to my ask was so soft, I’ll just go happily cry in a corner while doing my hw-

KRISTY ISTG I’M GONNA PUNCH YOU I FUCKING KNEW IT as soon as i saw him i was like “i just KNOW kristy is heads over heels for this fucking man” what other guy would you like!!! the answer is none of them!!! only him!!! okay the rest is under the cut because this was an entire journey and a half smh but you ASKED FOR IT

my thought process? whooo this is messy but okay. also if i say it now i won’t have to say it later so i’ll just unload everything here. much easier than ranting in ur dms. also you don’t have to like... reply, you can just read it because i am just delivering what you asked for

okay i’ll confess too, i wasn’t unsure about my answer AT ALL, that was just a cover up 😭 IDK AJDNSJAJ i was so SURE it was him, but there’s always the chance there’s someone else but also literally could not see you liking anyone else. i 100% knew it wasn’t marco bc um... he’ll be gone soon ❤️ idk when but soon. so he’s not exactly a good choice for a long-term fav, but i was like let’s just add him in for some ~mystery~ and also tbh you kinda exposed urself that it’s not him when you said a long time ago that ur okay with jean-marco matching icons but that you still really want me to figure out ur fav

i was trying to figure out how to say it ¿¿¿ as soon as i saw him i was like this is it. i’ve got to tell her. but i didn’t know how to word it AJJSJDJSJ “why do i feel like you like bertholdt 🤡” “ur in love with bertholdt aren’t you 😐” “bertholdt” (that’s right. just his name. and then i’d see how you react.) “him” “reiner’s bff... u like him don’t you” ALL OF IT and we weren’t as close then so i was like AJSJJSJDJ HOW TO WORD THINGS- the amount of times i almost said it but was like hmm... nvm let’s go back to discussing eren, that’s the safest thing to talk about rn. grrr i was just “it’s bertholdt, u like bertholdt u ABSOLUTELY LOVE BERTHOLDT I KNOW IT 🤡🤡🤡” like i could not figure out how to... convey. it was just 😐🤡😐🤡😐🤡 bc it’s HIM. but i was like ur gonna hate me if i say it like that but those were my emotions BC IT’S SO OBVIOUSSSSS

AND WHAT REINER????? nooo i absolutely KNEW you did not like him, plus you said you already had ur reiner phase smh kristy u are so obvious. SO OBVIOUS KRISTY IT HURTS but you also said you were being very careful and not giving me clues??? so i was thinking maybe i’m looking at things too surface level here. I AM NEVER SECOND GUESSING MYSELF AGAIN

i knew it was a guy even tho you kept saying “they” bc YEAH INTUITION 🧘‍♀️ only maybe i’d think you like christa or whatever but idk she’s like... not the first choice. hmm WAIT LMFAO ALSO YOU ALREADY SAID HANGE WAS UR FAV FEMALE CHARACTER kristy the things you say... the clues were enough to confirm my initial suspicions 😈 man me mentioning bertholdt = opening the floodgates for you YOU WERE SO EXCITED

let it be known that i was onto you from the start 😠 if you told me it was someone else i would be like “okay... lies” but in the back of my mind i would have known you must have an intense bertholdt phase at some point. it’s him. it’s always been him.

okay let me explain my relationship with bertholdt because i didn’t forget him ENTIRELY nooo don’t think that 😭 so he shows up with his buddy reiner and talks to eren ❤️ instantly is on my radar bc talking to my boy??? already am like “kristy vibes.” cut to jean existing 🥰 am only focused on him during trost arc bc eren died :( see reiner and annie together, so cute 💞 but where is bertholdt? i decide to write a thing about my thoughts on all the characters. i end up writing a paragraph on why bertholdt is sus bc he’s all but disappeared at this point 😐 felt bad bc it felt like i was slandering him unnecessarily and i knew i should be nice to him bc you like him and i didn’t want to hurt your feelings. i stare at the draft for weeks. decide to go back and look for bertholdt bc i felt like i had missed him (this brings us to current times). i see him, think he’s an okay guy, however seeing him also just leads to me gathering even more evidence that he’s sus. am panicking bc i want to share my thoughts but i don’t know how you will react. this leads to me tentatively telling you about how i think he’s pretty cool so you can see that i am NOT a bertholdt hater. slowly start mentioning my suspicions of a few different characters, etc. you know how it goes from there. i wanted to say it was bertholdt when i sent you that message but i chickened out idk so i was like “haha, this is NOT my official guess okay <3” 😍 grrr the fact that rn i was just going to be like “it’s bertholdt kristy. i know it and you don’t have to tell me i’m right because i already know i am” because i was like okay, we’re good friends at this point, anything i say will be fine <3 plus i was tired of living with this burden of knowledge AND NOW YOU’VE TAKEN THE REVEAL AWAY FROM ME that’s it, i’m going to find a new fav and not tell you about them and make you guess who it is. this is what you deserve.

he’s always been vaguely on my radar but anyway the point is i kept trying to figure out where he was but i’m blind so therefore i assumed he was up to no good. now that i have looked for him and seen him, i still believe he is up to no good (I MEAN THIS IN A NICE WAY PLEASE DO NOT HATE ME). omg i have things to say about him but i still don’t want to be mean 😭 he must have redeeming qualities bc you like him??? but. he gives me certain ~vibes~ LIKE LITERALLY LOOK AT HIM just standing there with reiner (speaking of which reiner is not off the hook either)

gahhh okay i should really just show you the theories thing okay it’s not so much theories now that i look at it but more so my thoughts on the characters i wrote bc slowly it’s becoming more and more irrelevant the more we talk so like... give me a sec and i’ll show you. ugh you know what i won’t even bother to edit it, you’ll see my RAW thoughts 😭 they haven’t really changed much anyway because i haven’t watched much aot lately. just use ur intuition and you’ll be able to tell which thoughts have changed for me 💆‍♀️ (read as: anything i say about “where is bertholdt” = he was there all along but i accidentally ignored him) he’s so endearingly cute tho... i am infuriated because i cannot love all these characters. this show... how does it do this to me. also you said you really hope i like whoever it is and i feel like for all the other characters it’s very obvious i’d like them bc they’re all so AKDKDKDK. plus i talked about how much i loved most of them anyway, he was one of the few i barely discussed my feelings about 👀

when we were talking about him i just KNEW you wanted to scream about how much you love him. i was like “do it kristy DO IT prove me right” but ur self control is unmatched, i could never. like you sprinkled in some praise for the other characters but i knew who you were REALLY thinking about ;))))) I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE YOU TOOK AWAY THE CHANCE FOR THE REVEAL AWAY FROM ME this is the equivalent of instantly knowing the answer to a question as soon as the teacher says it but then someone raises their hand faster than you 😐

hhhggg this is getting long but you wanted to know your type as i see it? (okay i just noticed you said “taste” actually but whatever, same thing) dude, bertholdt is the BLUEPRINT for all the guys you like rn. so sweet... like ur suga selfship. it’s so clear. potentially will do something i don’t want to say evil buuuuut, like hello??? DABI. there’s more but you get the point. the day you tell me you don’t like someone like bertholdt is the day i give up on eren. HAHA THERE’S SUCH A PATTERN plus the fact that bertholdt is legit all of those qualities rolled into one??? perfection. also before i even watched the show i saw pictures of him and he looked like someone you’d like so i kind of had that idea in my head from before to look out for him but i kept forgetting his name bc i can’t spell so i was like “who was that guy again” AND I COULDN’T SEARCH HIM UP BC I DIDN’T KNOW HIS NAME... oops? wowww if i wasn’t so shy and scared of you telling me i was wrong and then never talking to me again we would have been done with this whole thing a looooong time ago damn

matching icons yes omg reiner 🥰 he’s all mine now 🥰 damn wait i just changed my icon and i kind of like the vibes it gives off for me. hmm tbf i’ve been meaning to change up my theme and make a new header but i’ve been lazy. it was going be a cute dark blue/purple halloween theme but </3 yeah. i even had the pictures ready and i just had to edit them akjajsjsj. so if you have a bertholdt quote that means i should have a reiner one right? 👀 well he’s said eren’s name before right? so i’ll just keep my current title 🥰 JKJK AJSNSJAJJA i’ll go look for something. hhhggg wait okay can we do them for november? i know i’m going to want a change when november comes 😭 it’ll be like cleanse from october bc man is life kicking my ass rn. plus if i do it rn i’m going to be obsessed with making the new theme PERFECT and i just Do Not have the time to be busy graphic designing my blog 😭 I’M SO EXCITED FOR THEM TOO but ahhh man i love designing things like this so i’m going to be so focused on that. the fact that i briefly considered changing to an eren icon at one point but then i thought you would judge me </3 yes i have a problem with my obsession, what of it also we are more than just buddies, we’re practically aot soulmates at this point because we keep liking the different halves of all the iconic pairs. jean/marco, reiner/bertholdt... um okay well only those two but yeah i’m just kidding, buddy is good hehe that’s so cute omg pls use that 🥰

okay i hope ur happy, i have just exposed all of my thoughts. this is what you deserve for your precious boy so here ❤️ also i was feeling bad and was about to ask you if it’s okay to be sus of bertholdt because he’s truly a cute baby to me plus he has ur heart so maybe he’s truly good :( but then i remembered you like the villains in bnha so i wouldn’t put it past you to like someone who may or may not do something... suspicious. so i will be deciding myself who’s sus and who isn’t 😠😌 no criticism allowed this man is UP TO SOMETHING it’s always the quiet ones

ALSO I WAS GOING TO GO BACK AND LOOK FOR HIM EITHER WAY I SWEAR not just bc you mentioned him!!! 😭 he was always in the back of my mind ❤️ well i didn’t know exactly who he was but i was vaguely like okay the tall soft one... need to look out for him for kristy’s sake. okay maybe you DID influence me in some way to go look for him because technically i only ever even considered him bc he stood out as someone you’d like. but ur right, so underrated 😭 lo siento bertholdt u are actually too cute for this world and i am a dummy for not realizing that sooner :(

anyway now back to our regularly scheduled program of me talking about the armored titan ❤️ whoever you are mr. armor pls hmu ily ❤️ poor reiner watching me be unloyal rn. so weird that i’m going through a phase for both of them but here we are. this stupid titan is the only thing i’m looking forward to in the rest of the trost arc and if he doesn’t show up i’m going to wail pls,,,,,

mwah yes do ur hw kristy very good. i will not do mine but that’s okay ❤️ ur the responsible one out of the two of us also the fact that you said my response to your last ask was soft and now here i’m boderline yelling at you about bertholdt... duality please talk to me about how much you love bertholdt now or else ❤️

#kristy i’m gonna stomp on u never send me ominous asks again my heart rate was 📈📈📈#i got the notif and i was like ‘huh??? what does she have to confess??? she wants me to stop talking about eren doesn’t she’#it doesn’t help that i obviously can’t see the whole message in the notif so i was just 😟#kristy x bertholdt supremacy ❤️#I FELT IT IN MY BONES #girl all the signs were there i am the best detective ever goodbye #I AM A GOD so smart i am amazing i should just switch to a criminal justice degree at this point #all of my theories? i now believe they are all canon. every single one of them. everything i guess i right.#you have inflated my ego and there is no going back #asks #kristy 🥰💞#twin things ✨#aot spoilers #attack on titan spoilers #bc marco </3

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