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cosycafune · 3 days

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DON’T YOU SEE?

you’re scared, terrified. no matter where you go, ryomen sukuna’s always capable of finding you. you curl, hiding within every corner — but he discovers every limb of you. you long to run, but outrunning someone so powerful refrains from doing you any wonders. don’t you see? why won’t you see?

royalty sukuna x cursed user y/n. book acts: eventually smut, ptsd, terror, abuse, violence, murder, hysteria, breakdowns, distraction and more.

this is simply a small teaser. epilogue: fate’s fool. chapter 0.5.

Thunder etches upon your tainted environment. Your limbs are quivering with shock, dazed and heavy with blasphemous sins. There’s not a fragment of purity that reigns upon you, all of that is stored within the perished body at your nude feet.

Everything’s an ample, twisted sick mess — in the way your eyes exhibit fear, confusion and unshakable distraught. Nothing’s bound to measure up anymore, as you’re left with the choice of eternal punishment or a swift death.

You’ve slaughtered Lord Sukuna’s favourite royal advisor, all because he’s fingers longed to grasp upon you. You, someone who Lord Sukuna deemed as an innocent, untouchable muse — bound to be protected until the end of time lays.

However, you’re tarnished. Your ivory dress’ smeared with anchors of the wailing dead man’s blood. The blood’s taunting your haphazourdly self, glancing down at him — your fingers licked upon with fear for the first time.

Desperately, your eyes are abnormally wide — deathly hope flooding your pounding ears. All you could process is the light wisps of sound, the laughing thunder and the sound of your creeping demise.

Every sick act’s fated to fall in place, but you’re not fate’s fool today.

“Lord Sukuna’s going to murder me, the person he says is the face of innocence,” Frowning, flinching at the intensifying thunder, you mindlessly whisper.

“I was supposed to be his wife, freed of any sins for him,” Silently shrieking, impatient at the lifeless dead body, your heart swirls as your hoarse words fall.

“But now, the end of my reign is here,” Speaking with determined anger, you harshly kick Sukuna’s advisor’s defenseless body — your anger ruling the submissive thunder.

Unwilling to fathom your image being tainted by the sin of man, you continue to kick the man. Kick him for attempting to steal away your innocence, longing to romance you — only to threaten you with planned death.

The young man was keen on you being his own, accustoming to his unknown home and becoming his wife. Becoming a labour machine, delivering his children and raising them until they’re capable of individualism. Not once did you long to mould into his unworthy standard, you’re more than that.

You were.

“I fucking hate you, you greedy pig,” Stirred with disdain, you glance down at your bloody nightgown with a grin — feeling an ounce of sickly freedom.

“I’ve got to leave now or Lord Sukuna’s going to punish me, making me his eternal servant,” Fearful of the idea, you glance at the cooling thunder — looking outside towards the escapable garden.

After all, Sukuna gifted you the second best room — in hopes you one day become his betrothal. A betrothal he was bound to elope when you both turn twenty-one, but you had to leave now. There’s no future in a place that would discriminate against you, shunning you from the purified eternity that once longed for you to cosy in its parted arms.

“If I pretend to have died, too, Sukuna’ll find someone else,” Mumbling with levelheadedness, you search your room for your savings — picking out a stupidly large amount of money and a black clock.

A red clock, just so you could pair with the cloudiness of your untamed sin. A sin you have to coddle because of the greediness of someone else’s heart.

Out the balcony door you go, fleeing from an environment that once caged you within the best ways. Yet, now, you’re set to flee towards a secret cottage you built — away from everything you’ve ever known.

All you pray for is for Sukuna to not find you.

—

Don’t you see? Prologue status: completed.

—

#sukuna x you #sukuna series #sukuna x reader #sukuna smut #sukuna ryomen smut #sukuna jjk #ryomen sukuna #jujutsu kaisen ryomen #jjk ryomen #jjk fanfic #jjk x reader #sukuna jujutsu kaisen #sukuna x y/n #ryomen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu #sukuna scenarios

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youareunbearable · 2 months

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I've been thinking about Dionysus a lot, mainly as a god of madness and what that looks like, and ofc I've been taking my two favourite things and smashing them together so I come to you all with this: to mortals, the Sons of Feanor are remembered for their madness.

Feanor, of course, is remembered the most for his brilliance. And because of this, brilliance comes hand in hand with madness. A mad scientist of you will. Many mortals warn each other of not falling too far into the act of creation, to not get too lost into their work or else they might not find themselves whole and sane again.

Ambarussa are seen in duality, like expected. They embody both the panic and fear and crazed determination of: the coward that would do anything for life; the deserter who claws and screams at their chains begging for freedom at any cost ; the dying and their moans and pleads and horrible knowing laughter; but also of the slow, mindless, aching guilt of the survivor. For there is a madness there, a quiet consuming one, that comes with the knowledge of following orders of madmen, and doing nothing to free yourself. Of shaking the bars of your mind as you complete the same tasks over and over and over hoping for a new outcome when you know from the start what it will be. In both cases Ambarussa burns and they laugh

Caranthir is another one that mortals call upon often, for its the madness of rage, of speaking and acting without thinking. The kind of daily insanity of intrusive thoughts and his name would be a warning to not let them win. For its so easy to slip, to give into the mindlessness of instinct, of acting without thought or reason, to scream and rage and feel it flood over your body, ignite your cheeks. But it's always over before it starts, leaving you dizzy at the thought, the implications, the aborted actions.

Curufin is madness of loyalty. Blind loyalty, consuming filial loyalty, the desire for praise and recognition, to be the best. It strangles your heart and mind, his mindless loyalty, this overwhelming driving force. Cities and empires have fallen to this madness, for what is ambition if not its own brand of insanity. To believe you are larger than life, to be greater than your fellow man, to take whatever you want at the cost of everyone else- if that isn't madness then what is?

Celegorm would be that answer, for many mortals say he is the most blatant of the Sons, for he is the madness of the Kill, the lost of self in the Bloodlust, the driving force of the Hunt. With the third son, he is the true concept of Maenads- the frenzied rites. The losing of inhibitions, the fervent prayers to a God that is no longer listening, the thrill of tearing into your kill, feeling their life drip from your teeth as you laugh and laugh at an all seeing and uncaring sky. He would be the unruly madness, the one that follows you at the bottom of a bottle, laughing in your ear and filling your senses until you do something you regret, maybe even something you don't even remember at the end of the night

Maglor would be the most well known of the Sons, one mortals are aware of, and many aren't even afraid of. Many even sink into his embrace, as easy and willing as a hug from a longtime friend. Madness in grief is always easy to be enveloped by, for grief is something that is too easy to lose yourself in, and its something that lingers for years, decades, always ready to sink its claws into you when you least expect it. To ward him off from overstaying his welcome, mortals gift seashells to lessen the time his hysteria cloaks you, if not to ward it off completely. Its because of him, mortals say, that your tears taste of saltwater, its his unending grief at the seaside at work

And finally, the oldest of the Sons. Some mortals claim that Maitimo isn't a madness of his own, but Feanors perfect creation that was shattered into 7 fragments, never to be whole again and doomed to be imperfect forever, picking up after his broken pieces. Oh no, others cry out, Russandol is the insanity of doom relationships, of star-crossed lovers and falling into the insanity that is born of knowing you will never be happy and at peace together. Other mortals scoff at this, for they know that Nelyafinwe is the downward spiral one goes on when they have overwhelming and doomed expectations crushing their shoulders, the slip into consuming madness that no matter what you will never be able to meet them. Still others shake their head. You're almost right, they call, Maedhros is all of that and more. For the eldest of the Sons is the most madness inducing thing of all, the knowledge of failure.

#Silmarillion #sons of feanor #feanor #Ambarussa #Curufin #Caranthir #celegorm #maglor #maedhros #amber rambles #yeah ive been Thinking lately #here is a list of things that i think drive ppl Crazy #and obvi i have to save the best for last love u mae my sad wet napkin of an elf

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britcision · 2 years

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Alright I’m on a Dead On Main kick but I’m also permanently in house “Danny Should Adopt Connor For Proper Clone Parenting”

So let’s combine those for crack purposes!

Timelines are fake and so are trees

Jason and Danny are both technically younger than Connor’s supposed to be, and both actually older than Connor is

There’s some fight in Gotham big enough to justify both Superman and Superboy showing up, Red Hood’s willingly working with the bats, mass hysteria

Jason Todd knows more than enough about forcing a working relationship with shitty parents enough to have Suspicions about how Man and Boy are interacting

He knew them before he died and knew it was a bad relationship then, it’s clearly no better

But it’s shooty shooty guns time so we’ll get to that later

Eventually he has to call in the bf because the JL are getting their asses kicked and Danny shows up and joins the fight

Even he can spot the tension and he and Jason exchange Big Gay Looks

But as the fight goes on, Connor’s pinned

In Big Danger, going down, Superman’s closest and doesn’t even glance twice

Just turns away

In comes Danny with the steel chair and if some flying fragments of goon nearly hit Supes, well, pure coincidence

Danny helps Connor to his feet and they get back into it, Connor gets to be in on the big plan which is Get Danny To The Middle

One ghostly wail later, that’s it that’s the fight

Everyone’s wondering what happened, how all the baddies disappeared, Danny gives Connor a pat on the shoulder

“I’m retired kid, and couldn’t have done it without you, so do me a favour and you take this win”

Danny’s gone, Connor’s confused, Jason INSTANTLY backs him up

If Bats is wondering who the unknown fighting alongside them was, well, Superman’s making his biggest constipated faces about congratulating his clone

Jason promises to explain everything if Connor comes by for coffee, Connor has no social life so post debrief they go and pick up enough for 3

Connor’s a little surprised cuz yeah, Jason’s different from when he was Robin, but way less angry and violent than Dick’s led him to believe

Jason explains it’s because of his new bf Danny, the explainer in this case

They get back to Danny in his human form, he’s all gushy and happy to meet Connor cuz whether he went to space or not Connor is technically an alien

Connor gets very quiet about his dna donors

Danny gets Instantly Suspicious and remembers that moment in the fight

Jason rats out the incidents he knows about where Superman’s been a shit

Connor insists we are Not Talking About This It’s Fine

Danny stares him in the face

“Hey wanna meet my clone? Her name’s Danielle, her creator made her try to murder me to replace me. She’s my sister and best friend and I love her dearly and You’re My Clone Now Too.”

Connor, befuddled, is instantly adopted by Dani as well because Clone Sibling, who cares about genetics

Jason tells Connor they’re always like this, but yeah, if he doesn’t wanna put up with Supes’ shit he can go his own way

He doesn’t even have to go full Red Hood style, but they’ll take care of him if he wants to break off on his own

Connor doesn’t believe Supes would ever allow this and would kill Connor the second he showed any hesitance

Danny goes Full Eldritch Horror

Jason:

“Oh hey I don’t think I formally introduced you, Connor this is my boyfriend Danny, the King of the Infinite Realms, you just watched him melt a guy who was kicking Clark’s ass. What were your concerns again?”

And that’s how Connor ends up adopted by his friend’s baby brother and his eldritch boyfriend, complete with happy family jokes

Jason and Danny both call him their baby incessantly and Connor will never admit he kinda loves it, not least for the faces Dick makes

Superman does predictably kick up a stink about Connor not living on base, Batman can’t control Jason but Jason isn’t a world ending threat

Jason smiles extremely sweetly and demonstrates exactly what a world ending threat looks like by texting Danny, who shows up again in full Eldritch Horror

And then Danny texts JAZZ and the Justice League learn the true meaning of fear from a 6’9 redhead therapist who went to the Harley Quinn school of “Sit Down And Shut Up While I Read You For Filth”

Danny pinky swears not to end the world if the JL leave Jason and Connor alone, they can even still be on call for the league and MAYBE so will Danny

If they’re extremely lucky

Constantine assures them this is The Only Way Fucking Hell Superman What Did You Do

The only hiccup in the happily ever after is Dick deciding this makes him Connor’s uncle and being insufferable about it

Danny agrees and it only makes it worse

#dp x dc #dpxdc #dead on main shipping #jason todd/danny fenton #with their adopted son connor kent #he declines being connor todd or connor fenton (although meeting jack fenton raises questions)#superboy #he needs a family dammit #his dads can be younger physically this bitch was 16 at 2 years old #they work out the math from the day he was born #danny insists on celebrating his actual age each birthday #hilarity ensues

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blackcherryvelvet0909 · 2 days

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Porcelain Penance (Sebek Zigvolt & Diasomnia)

Content Warning: Minor blood and injury, self-deprecation, light angst Note: Commission for @riktorart ! Thank you so much! <3 <3 Loosely inspired by Edgar Allan Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart"

***

Schink, schink, tink - CRASH!

No…no, no, no, NO! This couldn’t be! This could not be happening! How could he have made such a grievous error? He, Sebek Zigvolt, his highness’s most trusted attendant, second only to the honorable Lilia Vanrouge? Sebek, who the young lord trusted with such crucial tasks; the high prince, who left his very well-being and comfort in Sebek’s capable hands? How could Sebek Zigvolt make such a grave mistake?!

Sebek fell to his knees as he beheld the crime scene that was his own doing. Black porcelain shards - a few tinged with chartreuse, chestnut brown, white, and blue violet - were scattered across the floor. Just moments before, they had made the elegant body of a porcelain mug. The beverage bearing vessel was bestowed upon the bastion of Briar Valley shortly after his enrollment into Diasomnia. It was a most precious gift that Lord Malleus used often; it would serve that purpose no more. Its remains twinkled across the hard stone floors, like winking stars in the night sky.

Sebek didn’t know he was crying until tear droplets dripped down from his cheeks and onto the floor. A few hit the porcelain fragments, which made them reflect the light above all the more. They highlighted the direness of his sins - they were unforgivable. In a moment of hysteria, Sebek gathered up the pointy shards in his hands, desperately trying to use his magic to piece the mug back together. Unfortunately for him, Sebek had yet to master such practical magic. His breath grew ragged, heart thundering in his chest as he squeezed the porcelain pieces in his hands, desperate to fix his mistake by sheer will alone. All he got from such a brutish attempt was pinpricks and cuts through the fabric of his black hand gloves and into his flesh.

The young man barely registered the pain. In fact, he deemed himself deserving of it. As he unclasped his hands, he simply stared down at the pieces of porcelain now stabbed and lodged in his palms. Any stragglers, ones not pierced as deep, slipped through his fingers and fell back to the ground to rejoin their kin. This mistake, this vile mistake, could not go unpunished. Sebek surely deserved the gallows for this.

Yet, the thought of presenting his error to Malleus was heart wrenching, indeed. All of his sins laid bare; Sebek’s bond with his prince and liege torn asunder, never to be repaired. Silver would surely take his place - Sebek could not let such a reality come to pass! Sebek’s ears twitched as he heard voices, footsteps approaching the kitchen. As quickly as he could, the first year snatched a dustpan and brush from the corner of the room and hastily swept up the shards. He flung open one of the bottom cabinets and fished out a small garbage bag used for the little waste bins stationed in each dorm room and bathroom. Sebek emptied the tiny pieces of porcelain into the bag and tied it close just as his classmates entered the kitchen.

They were none the wiser to Sebek’s plight. Sebek struggled to remain calm as he put the dustpan and brush back in its proper place, shut the cabinet door, and exited the kitchen with only a nod of acknowledgement to his fellow students. He then quickly - but not too quickly - made his way up to his room, located on the second floor of the dorm. Luckily for him, his roommate was nowhere in sight once he arrived at his shared quarters. Sebek shut and locked the door before he let his false demeanor slip. There was a loose stone underneath the foot of his bed; it would make a suitable hiding place. Swiftly, Sebek knelt down and pried the stone out of its hole, which was just deep enough to fit the plastic bag without crushing its contents any further.

Once Sebek replaced the rock, making sure it was snug in the floor, he hugged his legs, knees under his chin as he wept and sobbed.

***

The man’s mistake was believing he could live with his lie. He could never - not for very long, at least. The morning and afternoon went by without a hitch, Sebek going about the day like it was any other. It was the beginning of the weekend, so Sebek participated in his Equestrian Club activities, completed all of his required assignments and homework, and paid his training dues. By the time evening came, all the anxious jitters he’d felt before had dwindled away. To keep one’s mind occupied was the key to success, after all. A few more hours and he would be in bed at the appointed time, ten o’clock sharp, to rest up for the next day.

All was well until Malleus made a request of his attentive attendant.

“Sebek, would you fetch me a coffee?” he asked, formally yet politely, as always. “I wish for my mind to keep sharp tonight; Lilia will not best me at chess again.”

Although Lilia giggled and carried on with his teasing of the young lord (most unbecoming, but Sebek would not speak out of turn), Sebek’s resolve came crashing down. The coffee would need a place to settle, a place for Malleus to keep it warm and hot as he sipped the bitter brew. He would require the very mug that lay in tatters underneath the stone at the foot of Sebek’s bed. The man’s heart bounded in his chest, as did the blood in his ears. He began to feel his body quiver, for it knew the sins it - he - carried. Sebek needed to do something, anything, to avoid them.

“Wou…Would that be wise, young master?” he asked, somehow keeping the tremble of his tongue at bay. “The hour is late, and you have duties to attend to tomorrow. Surely to drink such a highly caffeinated beverage would be ill for your slumber.”

“Hm, he is right, Malleus,” Lilia commented. “It’s not a good idea for someone as young as you to stay up too late. You need to keep strong and well-minded if you are to become king.”

Malleus waved his hand dismissively, visibly growing annoyed. “I am no longer a child, Lilia. I do not require a set bedtime; I am fully aware of my needs and limits.”

“Are you quite sure of that?” Sebek watched as that familiar smirk crossed Lilia’s lips, paired with the narrow of his eyes and the teasing lint to his tone. “Just the other day, you overindulged on ice cream and gained not only a brain freeze, but a stomach ache as well. It was not the first time, either.” The fae rested his chin on the back of his hand. His fangs poked out from under his upper lip as he gave the prince a sly grin. “And need I remind you that it is not the first time that has occurred.”

Malleus narrowed his own gaze - out of irritation, not playfulness. “That was a simple error, Lilia. I simply got carried away with [Name] on our little excursion, nothing more. Would you have had me ruin our time and denied them the pleasure of every treat their heart desired?”

“Not at all,” Lilia replied, unbothered and undeterred by the prince’s piercing glare. “You youngsters deserve to go out and make a little mischief of yourselves.” The former general’s smile only grew. “You are children, after all.”

Malleus kept his furious gaze on Lilia as he addressed Sebek once more. “Sebek, the coffee, if you please.”

Though Sebek could feel the rising tension in the air, he still sought to avoid his mistake. “But, young master-”

Malleus’s hands gripped the armrests of his chair, trimmed black nails digging into the plush, expensive fabric. “Now!” Sebek flinched at the sharp edge of his prince’s tone. For a moment, those furious slitted eyes met his own. “Or do you also think me a whimpering babe who cannot decide what is right or wrong for himself?”

Lilia frowned as he gave his highness a disapproving look. “Now, Malleus, it is not right for you to-”

Before the elder could finish his sentence, Sebek dropped to his knees before the prince. He prostrated himself before the dragon, hands clasped in prayer, expression unseen as he faced Malleus’s heeled boots. “I BEG FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS, MY LORD!” To the side, on one of the tufted couches, Silver stirred from slumber, groggy eyes fluttering open to behold the commotion before him. Many other pairs of eyes joined Silver, Lilia, and their headmaster in watching this confession unfold. “I CAN NO LONGER BEAR TO LIE TO YOU!”

Malleus, his previous transgressions suddenly forgotten, looked upon Sebek with a puzzled expression. “What do you mean?”

“I CANNOT OBTAIN THAT WHICH YOU REQUIRE!”

“My coffee?”

“YES!” He was beginning to sob now. “I AM UNABLE TO DELIVER YOU YOUR COFFEE BECAUSE-” Sebek sniffled and sobbed. “BE-BECAUSE-!” In a flash, the first year sprang to his feet, still avoiding Malleus’s eye as he bowed deeply. “PLEASE EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT!”

With that, Sebek rushed up the stairs. He ran until he reached his room, slamming open the door and startling his roommate. Sebek paid no mind to his roommate’s confused prodding as he pried up the loose stone at the foot of his bed. There, where he’d left it that morning, was the plastic garbage bag filled with the remnants of his young master’s prized mug. Tears continued to stream down his reddened cheeks as he cried and sobbed the whole journey back down the stairs. When he reentered the Diasomnia lounge, all eyes were on him, befuddled and intrigued.

Sebek marched back over to Malleus and fell to his knees once more. He tore open the bag and held it up for the housewarden, his lord and liege, to see. “MY MISTAKE, YOUNG MASTER - MY FOUL GRIEVANCE! PLEASE, PUNISH ME IN ANY WAY YOU DEEM FIT! I BEG YOU!”

For a terribly long, silent minute, only broken by Sebek’s sobs, Malleus simply stared at the broken pieces of porcelain. His brows furrowed in confusion as he examined them, studied their color and material. Finally, he spoke, “...What is it?”

“YOUR MUG, YOUNG MASTER!” Sebek confessed. “THE PRIZED CHALICE YOU RECEIVED UPON YOUR ENTRANCE TO THE COLLEGE! I HAVE RUINED IT - CARELESSLY DROPPED IT WHILST WASHING IT THIS MORNING!” Sebek nearly pushed the bag into Malleus’s face as he thrusted it up closer to him. “I ADMIT THE DEED! HERE, HERE, YOUNG MASTER, MY LORD! IT IS THE PORCELAIN MUG, THAT WHICH HELD THE DISASOMNIA CREST, THAT YOU SO VALUED!”

Once again, there was silence. Whether out of shock, an uncertainty of what to say, or complete bewilderment, not one soul uttered a word. Not even Malleus - his highness simply held a surprised expression. Silver simply blinked, still half-asleep and unlikely unsure just what was transpiring.

It was Lilia who finally broke the recurring silence. He said, on the cusp of an exasperated sigh, “Sebek, my boy, we can always buy another.”

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derangedrhythms · 1 year

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[…] the hysteria of seduction into which I feel myself slipping.

Roland Barthes, from ‘A Lover’s Discourse: Fragments’, tr. Richard Howard

#roland barthes #a lover's discourse #other writing #fragments #o

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irregularcollapse · 1 year

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“You may do as you wish.”

“As I wish? I haven’t dared wish. I have prayed, in my weakest moments, and I have mindlessly coveted, but I haven’t dared to wish.”

even in another time

by phlegmatic

a Laurent x Damen time slip romance | read now on AO3

On holiday with his brother in Ios, Laurent bathes in a hot spring. Unfortunately, he drowns. Even more unfortunately, when he surfaces somehow, he finds himself thrust back in time. Dropped into the middle of a mythologised ancient war for the Akielon throne, he is determined to get back to the modern day - even after ending up kidnapped (or perhaps rescued) by the rightful King, Damianos.

updates every Sunday 🏛️

1. Alex Stoddard (2022) via twitter 2. Arch of Hysteria - Louise Bourgeois (1993) via MOMA 3. Statue of Marsyas - Roman (unknown) via World History Encyclopaedia 4. Hadrian’s Library, Athens - mine (2016) 5. A Man - Hawara (AD 125-150) via The Portrait Timeline 6. Orange tree - unknown via Pinterest 7. Theseus and the Minotaur - Antonio Canova (1781-83) via Flickr 8. Ouroboros, Goblet d'Alviella Mausoleum - Georges Houtstont (1887-1889) via Wikimedia Commons 9. Alex Stoddard (2022) via twitter 10. Sappho, translated by Anne Carson in If Not, Winter: Fragments of Sappho (2002)

#captive prince #laurent x damen #damen x laurent #lamen #captive prince fic #captive prince fanfic #my writing #yes we're doing fic moodboards like it's 2016 #[pats my fic proudly] you can fit so much motif and symbolism into this bad boy #if you like mythological romances #if you like stories where the end is set from the start #if you like characters pulled out of time #if you like a love that has a sense of being something greater #if you like prose that leans dangerously close to purple at times #maybe read it :)#someone said they're enjoying it and they're not even a capri fan #SO IF THAT ISN'T A GOOD REVIEW #idk what is #even in another time fic

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notchainedtotrauma · 4 months

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I wrote this public essay as a response to this image below, an image that brought forth a racialized and antiblack pornotropic sexual violence I was already quite aware of but which became vertigo inducing upon seeing this tweet. In this essay, I write about the hypersexualization and pornotroping of the Black body, and resulting fragmentation. I write about the use of power through miscegenation, the thrill of the forbidden desire, and reproduction as the mechanization of the racial stain. At the time the essay was written, K*** hadn't lifted the mask in terms of his affections towards Nazism and his admiration, even worship of Hitler. And he was still with Kim Kardashian, which is to keep in mind when reading specific paragraphs. If you'd like to tip me, Pp [email protected] and K0fi.

Yeahhhhh...

Kim Kardashian by Jean-Paul Goude

This screenshot and photograph best visually sum up the whole essay. Here are excerpts:

The bedroom slashes through certain interracial sexual encounters, leaves an elemental wound. Sperm and blood. The room is haunted and there's no escape possible. Nor is, in many cases, escape wanted. Hysteria's lurking behind the faintest gleam of civility; the sexual rupture at the heart of miscegenation puts in relief the pained, dislocating hi(story) of Black flesh.

and

A meager antiblack imagination has cast Black bodies not only as ugly but as grotesque; the obsessive reordering of its sexual physiology as inherently violating and aggressive derives from and feeds on the deep anxieties around interracial coitus. Yet, domination forecloses neither proximity, nor violent intimacies (h/t Christina Sharpe); sexual terrorism traverses the color line(s), engendered by the inchoate fantasies of antiblackness.

and

Jean-Paul Goude photographs Kim Kardashian for Paper, citing an earlier photograph by him, Carolina Beaumont, excerpted from the aptly named book "Jungle Fever". Both photographs coalesce, crystallize around the violated, visually cut through body of Saartjie Bartman; she's everywhere and nowhere. Violently present in and through her spectral absence.

The photograph blurs, details collapse; Kim Kardashian's now holding a penis, certainly Kanye's Black dick, as it shoots ropes of sperms onto her store bought bottom. The act of consumption's manifold; Kardashian's performing a twisted, unrecognizable reflection of Black femininity; she's casually consuming the cultural residue of visual Black female representation (h/t Sydette Harry); she's gleefully, cheerfully even, taking in Black masculine sexuality. The Black man doesn't need to be there for the fantasy to operate. Like Saartjie Baartman, his absence scars the image.

and

Once again, Black cishet men utilize race as a device to rid themselves of the dirt and funk of Blackness (h/t Toni Morrison); they wield their lover's racial ambiguousness, or her perceived exoticity as a way to (re)produce an offspring awash of any visible racialized Blackness. Racially ambiguous, or appropriately "mixed looking" (often meaning light skinned, clear eyed, bouncy haired) girl children dwell in a space of simultaneous increased value and disturbing commodification. In many ways, they're indeed factory items, the result of a reenactment of breeding, widgets whose socially constructed beauty had been cooked out through the obsessive looking at little girls like them. In one of the photographs above, a girl child is wearing a shirt announcing she's playdate material as the camera catches her in the act of lifting her curly, abundant mane.

The gestures are innocent, the child unaware, but the user of the photograph, the photograph itself ( and the photographer) are eloquent in their quiet sexualization. She's all at once already marked as a potential (re)production machine, made to push out identically racially ambiguous widgets, a trophy, symbol of the erasure of a tainted and shameful Blackness, and an exotic artifact whose implied Blackness still ensures the assumed absence of innocence. Race's a prosthesis and the Black man's a cyborg, an automated figure whose sexual consumption's tied to a devouring hunger for power. But who's screwing who ?

#my brain is writing

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charalysis · 11 months

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Alice Liddle: American McGee's Alice

MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING: THESE GAMES AND THIS POST WILL BE DISCUSSING THEMES OF S.A, PEDOPHILIA, MURDER, MENTAL ILLNESS, SELF HARM, PROSTITUTION, AND MEDICAL ABUSE.

Alice Liddle of American McGee's Alice and its sequel, Madness Returns, is a severely mentally ill character in the games she stars in. She endures trauma after trauma, with next to no assistance, alone. In this post we will break down what happened to her, her reactions, and how she developed.

Disclaimer: Despite mental illness being the main theme here, I will not be attempting to diagnose Alice, as I am not professionally trained and she does not have an official, canon diagnosis of any kind. I will however make inferences.

For those unaware, American McGee's Alice is a horror twist on Alice in Wonderland, following the protagonist Alice. In this first game, you play as 18 year old Alice Liddle, who from eight years old to that point has been living in Rutledge Asylum in England. The game begins with the player introduced to the catalyst of Alice being in the asylum: a house fire.

In this fire, Alice is the only one to survive from her family, with her parents and sister, Lizzie, dying in the fire. This causes a massive snap in Alice's mind as she watches the house burn and townspeople surround her.

In this scene we are also introduced to the idea that Alice was likely already mentally ill, as when the fire begins, what wakes her isn't the smoke or screams, its Hatter and March Hare screaming in her dreams about the fire, begging her to wake up. (However, its likely it was just a framing device, but we do see its what woke her.)

From then on, Alice spent her time in the asylum, nearly comatose. She was catatonic and would only speak in shrieks and shrill screams. She'd have seizures and episodes of hysteria before falling unresponsive and mute again. Her doctor's notes also describe an incident where she "wielded a spoon like a knife and the orderlies, then turned the makeshift weapon in her own arms".

Needless to say, the fire that killed her family severely traumatized Alice, and she struggles heavily with possible PTSD and survivors guilt.

Alice in the first game also expresses suicidal ideation, or at the very least a passive desire to die. She's heard saying, "Save myself? From death, is that it? Is that why I've come here? I'm not afraid to die! At times I've welcomed death..."

And, "Everyone I love dies violently; unnaturally. I'm cursed! Why go on? I'll just hurt others."

The latter of these quotes is indicative of her guilt; it shows she blames herself for not just her her family's deaths, but others, and believes those she grows close to will also die horribly if they stay around her. She expresses she thinks people are better off without her.

In regards to Wonderlands occupants and how they relate to her fragile and broken psyche... American McGee has stated that all in some way represent her fragments mind and emotions. How, I don't think is explicitly stated beyond the Queen, but I have theories:

Cheshire: Her subconscious and manifestation of Dinah in her mind. Dinah lead her to safety in the fire, showing the way out. Chesh is guide that knows more than Alice consciously knows, but things she's got hidden in her mind. He tells her the clues she's seeing and picking up on subtleties she can't. That's why he uses riddles.

Hatter: Hatter is obsessive and rambling. He's a sort of representation of her doctor in the asylum, after all he runs one himself. He's paranoid and obsessed with time and loathes mechanical malfunctions. He may very well be a sort of ego aspect, where the Queen is super-ego. He could also likely be the manifestation of Alice's own paranoia and frustration surrounding her own "malfunctioning" mind.

Queen of Red Heart: She is Alice. She is the part of Alice that causes her the most grief and torment. She is what keeps Alice locked in her psychosis; a malevolent manifestation of super-ego. Cheshire compares her to a cancer in the body, which must be excised or Alice would die.

Jabberwock: A creature who taunts Alice and accuses her of not caring about her family. He is what taunts her about their deaths and says that she was, "in dream land taking tea with friends", and she, "couldn't be bothered". He is her guilt and self anger and he is there to remind her of this guilt constantly.

Caterpillar: He provides her wisdom giver. He takes things she sees and can help her recontexualize them. He is similar to Cheshire, but more to the forefront. He is also seemingly the calm part of her mind.

Tweedles: looking identical to the orderlies in Rutlidge, the Tweedles are cruel to Alice and lack any higher intelligence beyond orders. They are childishly cruel and likely have something to do with Alice's self punishment.

Rabbit: More obsessed with time than Hatter, Rabbit is a mostly absent guide who rushes ahead of Alice and he's very, very fidgety. He likely represents her conflict between anxiety and comfort. The comfort being from him being based on her favorite toy, and his face being easing to her. But he's very paranoid about time and danger.

Duchess: Initially a manifestation of the cruel nurse in charge of her, Nurse D, Duchess is a violent cannibal. It could be argued her outfit initially resembles a nurses outfit too. Later in the second game, she is seen in more revealing clothes and no longer eats people, and prefers pig now. Her "overbearing goodwill" and appearance now more represents her nanny, Nan Sharp.

While I do not believe these games are a 100% accurate depiction of mental illness and trauma, they do a good job showing the struggle between one's self and the inner machinations of their mind as they struggle with their mental health, and struggle to learn to cope on their own.

The second game is much better about the direct correlation between Alice's real struggles and Wonderland falling apart.

In Madness returns, we see an older Alice struggling in therapy as her doctor, Angus Bumby, tries to make her forget her past. She wants to forget everything rather than continue to struggle with it. We see she's still being abused and exploited by Nurse Witless, who's blackmailing her.

In Wonderland, we see the Corruption and the pollution destroying Wonderland piece by piece as the Dollmaker (Bumby's influence and brainwashing) takes over her mind bit by bit. We see her remembering her childhood and the past Bumby tried to erase, and we see her piece the truth together as she slowly banishes the Dollmaker.

By the end of MR, we see a confident Alice, the pieces of her fragmented life and mind put back together as Wonderland blossoms and Bumby dies via a train after Alice confronts him with his crimes.

Tl;Dr: While imperfect in their portrayal of mental illness, PTSD, and more, American McGees Alice And A:MR depict the grittiness, the despair, and the pain that can come with these things fairly well. It also depicts a woman struggling but succeeding in helping herself and bettering herself. These games revolve around facing your issues head on and healing. Their use of symbology is fantastic in my opinion.

#character analysis #american mcgee's alice #alice madness returns #alice liddell #american mcgee #long post

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eldritch-spouse · 1 year

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The Princes

After a deal is established between Krulu and Miara, the idea of creating offspring becomes slightly less abhorrent to Krulu, for a multitude of reasons, some of which he's not keen to admit.

Miara will tell him a lot of truths he needs to hear, a couple of these being particularly pleasing, such as:

Siadar have vastly stopped watching Earth. This means the banished is not in as much danger as he believes himself to be. There's no need to be as subtle as he currently is being, because ever since Earth became the equivalent of a "no-go" zone, he's in little to no danger of being found. He's in an isolated, abandoned instance, inside a system vastly abandoned by siadar. Mother is only there because she's a deviant looking for her fragment;

He has her protection. In the very unlikely scenario that something did go wrong and both of them would be found, Miara volunteers herself to not only protect, but also sacrifice herself for the offspring and possibly buy all of them enough time to escape. This is not being done for Krulu specifically, but rather for Admin, the shard. Miara wants to proportion nothing but the best for you and is driven with all her being to ensure that you live the most fulfilled life. Does Krulu like that having Mother's protection soothes him? No, fuck no. But he can't deny that it makes the idea of heirs more feasible, tangible, less stressful.

Why is Miara so keen on kids?

Simple, she's a fertility goddess. As a former matemaker, and a creator, she can't help but encourage procreation amongst those she cares for. You (Admin) yourself are extremely family-oriented (if you weren't before, you sure are now) as one of your longest lasting wishes to be impregnated by Krulu and bring his heirs into the world. This desire is in direct correlation with your soul's link to Miara.

Other than that, she's also very excited to see a possible new generation of monsters be created, as she's come to adore the "heretical" diversity of this planet.

Why is Krulu so against kids?

Tl;dr: Trauma.

The last thing he wants is to be found again, to have the few things he's relearned to love be ripped from his grasp, decimated anew. He wouldn't survive that, he'd enter such a nauseating level of hysteria, of mania, that his mental faculties would never recover and he'd scorch everything alive. This planet, his kind, himself. Just thinking about actually going through with it causes him grief and panic deep enough to make his chest ache. Naturally, as his vessel, this saddens you to no end.

Putting that major mental block aside, Krulu is also saddened by the possibility of passing on his wounds and "blemishes" onto the offspring, which is likely, since the extended period of time inside The Null altered his core, his genetics.

The "test run"

Belo is the first who gets to put a baby in you.

For several reasons, mainly that Krulu isn't ready to do it until much later, but this test run with Belo only serves to sway him in that direction. The idea is implanted in your head first by none other than Miara, who is very good at coming up with mildly creative, kinda bullshit solutions to a lot of problems. If Krulu won't grant you offspring just yet, why not coax him with the image of you swollen by Belo's child?

This is beneficial for a lot of reasons, mostly that there's little to no danger involved for Krulu or you. Plus, it's something the higher finds himself very aroused by. The pregnancy will be smoother, and everyone gets a chance to orient themselves towards a more familial dynamic. Belo himself is extremely honored to have this chance, and exists in shock for a great deal of its duration.

After the angel hybrid child is born, your recovery is given priority, as soon enough, you'll be welcoming Krulu's heir. This pregnancy is already vastly different, and a touch more risky. (I've detailed the basic gist of it before.)

The offspring

Put simply, the siblings are as follows:

Adelo (Prince of Eden) -> Belo and Admin's child. An angel hybrid with some odd shapes here and there. Little about them is humanoid, mostly because angels are some of the most untampered types of creations genetically speaking, it would take a lot of successive breeding with lessers to make extremely humanoid angels. A very playful person, masculine-presenting, hermaphroditic. This little bozo originally simply wanted to goof off and was content only having to perform small errands for his parents, the clergymen and so forth. Upon teenhood, he's told about some plans for Eden, and how Krulu wishes Adelo would become its ruler within time. Ever since then, he has strived to make his parents' vision become reality, no matter what.

Adrul (Prince of Perdition) -> Krulu and Admin's child. Retains a lot of his father's visage, though with the odd feature of a centipede-like lower body. Has been somewhat quiet and serious since childhood, in great contrast to his brother, though he's not incapable of humor. The hybrid didn't like to feel useless and would take on any role necessary, no matter how foreign it felt. He takes his mission to heart and swears to convert every demon, or kill them where they stand shall they refuse to honor Krulu. Although he may outwardly come off as intimidating and heartless, Adrul has a lot more empathy than his brother.

As princes, it's safe to assume both monsters suffer from some degree of loneliness and stress, imposed on them by the missions they have been encumbered with. If only there was someone who caught their eye, made life more bearable...

#Adrul oc #Adelo oc #pinnie's art #monster oc

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upsidedownsmore · 7 months

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TENNOTOBER 2023 MEGAPOST (pt. 1)

Here's every drawing I made for Tennotober 2023! I tried hard to push my skills with each submission and I'm really happy with the results! :)

(though it's going to take some time to recover my sleep schedule lol)

Many of these, if not most, are digital sketches with good chances of being revisited in the future, though probably not for a while as I have to rest now and give more attention to college again

Day 1: Portal - Nova Atomica donning Holsom Yurr's armor

Day 2: Fangs - Valkyr Carnivex using Hysteria, as well as a pencil sketch of Banshee wielding Fang Prime

Day 3: Decade - 2013 screenshot study

Day 4: Crystal - rough Citrine skin concept and an ink sketch of an amber archon shard

Day 5: Beetle - Inaros Prime with the Osiris helmet casting Scarab Swarm

Day 6: Throwback - ink sketch of a 1999 infested

Day 7: Knives - Hollowframe 53 (+ Umbra): Kullervo, as well as the updated full Hollowframe group

Day 8: Whisper - Fragmented One and Fragmented Tide

Day 9: Man in the Wall - The Lidless Eye from Albrecht's Vitruvian archive

Day 10: Orowyrm - Nyx Nemesis using Absorb to scale Lodun

Day 11: Inspire - The Lonesome Outlook bard, as well as a pencil sketch of Octavia Prime playing a shawzin

Day 12: Solidarity - The Business, Eudico, and Little Duck

Day 13: Courage - Kahl sacrificing himself at the base of an Condrix

Day 14: Rally - Styanax using Rally against the Leviathan

Day 15: Uplift - Octavia Prime jamming on a shawzin, based on the pencil sketch made for Day 11: Inspire

Day 16: Family - Nekros Irkalla versus Lephantis

Day 17: Dedication - Loid about to seal Albrecht's chamber with a hammer

Day 18: Kaithe - Hollowframe 54 (+ Umbra): Dagath, as well as the updated full Hollowframe group

Day 19: Cave - Hildryn Prime versus the Exploiter Orb in Deck 12

Continued into the reblog once it's up :)

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tomorrowusa · 7 months

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There's been a great amount of consternation over the results of the November 22nd elections in the Netherlands. Much of the hysteria comes from people who know nothing about Dutch politics or how the constitutional system works there.

We see news stories in Anglophone media saying that Geert Wilders and his far right PVV party "won" the election.

It's true that the PVV won more seats than any other single party there. However what's often left out is that the PVV won just 37 seats in the lower house of the Dutch parliament (called the Tweede Kamer) out of a total of 150 seats. A governing majority requires 76 seats and the PVV is 39 seats short of that. The PVV simply cannot govern by itself.

Politics in the Netherlands is quite fragmented. And because of an overly strict system of proportional representation for the Tweede Kamer, a lot of little shit parties representing narrow interests manage to win seats. 15 parties won seats in the recent election.

The outgoing VVD (24 seats) and the GLPVDA (25 seats) have already said they would not join a coalition with Wilders's PVV. The new NSC (20 seats) has been very iffy; its leader said he would not support the PVV's anti-Islamic policies which would violate the Dutch constitution. Don't expect DENK, (3 seats), an immigrant rights party, to join a PVV coalition. VOLT (2 seats) is a pro-EU party which would not likely join in a coalition led by Wilders who is anti-EU. The SP (5 seats) is a socialist party diametrically opposed to the PVV. D66 (9 seats) is a socially progressive and its membership would probably not be comfortable in a Wilders-led coalition.

So if you add up the seats for parties which may have reservations about the PVV, it's a clear majority.

HOWEVER, Wilders may try to entice one some of those parties with pledges of moderation; though that may not sit well with hardliners in his own party.

Another possibility would be for the GLPVDA, VVD, NSC, and D66 to try to form a government. They do have 78 seats, two more than needed for a majority. Though in Dutch politics it wouldn't look good for the party with the largest number of seats to be left out of government.

A more likely possibility would be for the VVD or NSC to prop up a Wilders government without joining it. This way they would not be tainted by direct association with him and could pull the rug out from under him if he becomes too extreme.

One last option is simply to string out coalition negotiations while a caretaker runs the country. It usually takes about three months to form a government under normal circumstances in the Netherlands. But in 2017 it took a record 225 days to do so. In neighboring Belgium it took 589 days to form a government back in 2010-2011.

So people freaking out over Geert Wilders should dial down their stress levels at least a bit. Even if he becomes prime minister he'll be limited in what he can do. Though this election should serve as a warning to other democratic countries not to take things for granted.

#netherlands #nederland #election #verkiezing tweede kamer #geert wilders #far right #pvv #coalition #coalitie #vvd #glpvda #nsc #d66 #denk #volt #oliver schopf

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fluoxetinegreen444 · 2 years

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20 Fragments of a Ravenous Youth by Xiaolu Guo

Another book review 💕

This time I read 20 Fragments of a Ravenous Youth and I definitely recommend it. It's about a Chinese farmer girl, Fenfang, trying to find her way to fame. She leaves a small village and moves to Beijing, where she faces challenges like love, friendship and work. The book takes place in the early 2000s and Fenfang is met with a Beijing ruled by communist ideologies and sexism, which is not what she expected. She has to deal with a toxic boyfriend/ex, but she's still determined to live a "modern life". It's a "coming-of-age" story that deals heavily with sexism in the early 2000s and gives the reader an interesting view on China during that time.

I really liked the book and read it in a day since it was quite short. The book is divided into 20 "fragments" and feature a photograph at the start of each chapter, depicting cityscape in China. I thought the book was really peaceful somehow, like there was nothing to worry about even though Fenfang faced some dangerous situations. I think this is because of the story telling since the reader gets to take part in all of Fenfang's inner thoughts. She's incredibly entertaining and relatable. The only negative point is that I think the book is coloured with some distain for the lower class, or in this case the "poor rice farmers". Sometimes I feel like it's Fenfang who thinks this because she doesn't like the way she was brought up but at some points it felt like Xiaolu Guo was just writing her own opinions.

Otherwise I really liked the book. I usually gravitate towrads "sad girl books" or female hysteria books and this book handled the same topic in a much calmer way. I liked reading about Fenfang's apathy towards the men that like her. I thought it was interesting that she didn't care so much for love and mostly wanted to be comfortable with herself and her surroundings. I thought it was really interesting to read about the 2000s in China since I haven't really done that before and it being in the perspective of a girl who wants to succeed in life makes it even better.

All in all, strong recommend if you're looking for a pleasant book that focuses on a young woman's success independent of men in contemporary China ❤️

#sad girl books #female hysteria #female rage #book recs #ottessa moshfegh #my year of rest and relaxation #eileen #coquette aesthetic #coquette fashion #waif aesthetic #esoteria #esoteric #esoterique #waif #waifspo #waifcore #girlblogging #coquette books #book blog

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