#the last 2 months have been a bit too much for me considering losses and protests

[crab-milk]

i got some asks to do a review on the tron pitch bible but i’m so busy so i’ll save it for later

#the last 2 months have been a bit too much for me considering losses and protests #i’ll get around to reading it once my projects are done #silence crab

[reputationmunson]

Bad Habit | pt. 2 | Eddie Munson x harrington!reader

part one

summary: The truth comes out

word count: 5.0k

cw: smut (18+), fluff, loss of virginity, unprotected sex, oral (m&f receiving), afab!reader, use of y/n, mentions of drinking, swearing, she/her pronouns

a/n: first of all, i just wanted to thank everybody for all the love part one received! secondly, reader is adopted, so there is no mention of resembling Steve. thank you for reading :)

Steve thinks you’re acting unusual.

You’re barely home anymore, you whisper every time you use the phone, he’s pretty sure he spotted a hickey on your neck about a month ago and you’re always in a good mood.

For example, yesterday morning Steve accidentally woke you up because he was unaware you were home and he was expecting you to flip out on him or at least scowl at him.

Instead, you thanked him for waking you up so you could watch the sunrise…

So yeah, he’s a little suspicious.

All signs point to you being in a relationship and as your older brother he’s hoping it’s literally anything else. You guys live in a small town and he’s well aware that most of the guys here are total douchebags.

He even asked Robin and Nancy if you had said anything, but they knew nothing. Though both of them did agree that you’d been more on the chipper side lately.

If you are dating somebody, he isn’t surprised you haven’t said anything to him. Growing up with absentee parents, Steve was a little protective of you.

He goes into your room to try to get some information out of you but you aren’t home…

Shocker

_

“Eddie stoooop! I can’t breathe!” You say through laughter.

You’re currently in the middle of a tickle war in your boyfriend's bed.

Okay, war might not be the best word because it isn’t much of a fight.

“Fine. I will concede… for a kiss” He stops tickling you and anticipates your lips on his any second now.

“Hmm… I’m not sure if that offers good enough” You’re bluffing

“Let me prove it to you?” He smirks

You sit up and capture him in a kiss. It’s sweet and unhasty, like you have all the time in the world.

He eventually pulls away and stares into your eyes.

“What’s the verdict?”

You can’t stop smiling. You’ve been awake for barely ten minutes and Eddie’s had you smiling ever since you opened your eyes.

“Think I need another one to make sure you’re forgiven” He’s already leaning down to give you another kiss.

This time, the kiss grows more fervent. Before you know it, Eddie is pulling you on top of him.

His hands are roaming all over your body and when he gives your ass a delicate squeeze, you let out a quiet moan.

“Fuck, I hate to do this but I gotta get up. I’m working on Steve’s car today before his shift”

You rest your forehead on his shoulder and let out a sigh. He kisses your head in apology.

“You’re lucky you’re cute, Munson”

“Being cute is my specialty”

You both smile and you roll off of him. “Apparently humble isn’t” you joke.

He laughs and gets out of bed. You don’t miss the opportunity to admire him and if his back wasn’t turned from you he'd definitely make fun of you a little bit for being so obsessed with him.

He wouldn’t be wrong.

“Alright, I guess I should head out so we don’t get there at the same time. Don’t need Steve connecting any dots”

You gather all your stuff up while Eddie gets dressed.

“Don’t you dare think you’re getting out of here with a proper goodbye” He steps over to you to give you a goodbye kiss.

He holds your face in his large hands and it would be so easy to fall back into bed to finish what you both started, but Eddie’s too kind to cancel on Steve.

Dammit

“Tell me how much you’re gonna miss me” He smiles widely and you giggle

“Maybe I can show you tonight instead” You compromise and the look on his face lets you know that’s a great idea.

You give him one last peck and reluctantly walk out to your car.

You’re aware that having your car at Eddie’s might not be the smartest idea considering Max lives right across from him, but sometimes you can’t risk being dropped off down the street of your house the next morning.

Luckily for you, you’re her favorite (don’t tell Steve), so she doesn’t plan on ratting out seeing your car at Eddie’s. She also can’t really be bothered.

Max thinks it would be sweet if you and Eddie are an item. Don’t tell anyone she thinks that, though. She’ll deny any accusations.

_

“Good morning, Stevie” You say, walking into the kitchen.

“Good morning to you too, stranger. Stay at Laura’s again?”

“Oh. yeah. She’s been a little down lately so I just wanna be a good friend” You fib.

Laura has been your alibi since you and Eddie got together. She’s the only other person aware of what’s going on and it’s a safe option since she’s your closest friend who doesn’t hang out with your brother.

“Hm I guess that explains why you whisper every time you’re on the phone. Must be pretty personal?”

Your eyes widen for a split second before you act natural.

“That’s the reason. Super personal, Steve, you shouldn’t be eavesdropping. Anyways… what are you up to today?” You change the subject

“Eddie’s coming over to work on my car before I go to work” He says with a mouthful of cereal.

“Cool… I’m gonna go get ready for the day!” You scurry upstairs.

You knew it was going to be hot outside today so you decided on wearing your shortest shorts and a crop top. You’re definitely only wearing this because of today's forecast. No other reason.

_

Eddie looks so unfairly sexy while working on Steve’s car and it has you in tizzy.

You were watching him through the living room window, but when he put his hair in a low bun and took his shirt off, you had to go to your room to distract yourself.

Feeling bored, you decided he must be absolutely parched and could use a glass of water.

You grab two glasses of water for both of them and a bottle of beer for Eddie.

“I come bearing gifts” you announce walking over to them.

“Thanks, ba- bro. Thanks, bro” Eddie almost slips, but luckily Steve doesn’t realize anything.

“You didn’t bring me a beer?” Steve pouts.

“You have work soon. You want one get it yourself. You’re welcome, by the way”

Eddie chuckles and you can’t help but adore the sight of him.

Suddenly, You’re suddenly aware of the fact that Steve is watching you make eyes at Eddie.

“Well, um, I’m gonna go back inside.” You say and walk hastily inside.

“She’s been so weird. Do you think she’s acting differently lately?” Steve asks Eddie.

“Weird how?” Eddie’s voice goes up an octave.

“I don’t know. I think she’s got a boyfriend and scared to tell me. Just because she’s my younger sister doesn’t mean I’m gonna murder the guy she’s dating”

“Dude, when I first met her you threatened to shave my eyebrows off if I even thought about her.” Eddie cringes as he brings this up.

“That’s different. You’re one of my best friends it would be fucked up if you were…canoodling my sister.”

“Oh yeah. Definitely fucked up. Um, anyways, does she at least seem happy and stuff?” Eddie asks and hopes it doesn’t sound too obvious that he is in fact canoodling his best friend's sister.

“Annoyingly happy. She’s always smiling like it would kill her if she stopped. It’s creepy” Eddie looks away from Steve because he can’t contain the ginormous smile on his face.

“Well when you meet him, just try to keep in mind how happy she’s been lately.” He says in hopes that when Steves inevitably finds out, he’ll remember this conversation.

It’s highly unlikely.

“Alright, your car is good to go. Wanna make sure she starts?” Eddie suggests and Steve gets in the car. Both boys cheer at the sound of his car starting.

“You’re a lifesaver. I gotta get ready for work but feel free to stick around and use the pool. Maybe keep an eye on y/n so she doesn’t invite over whatever asshole she’s dating.” Steve is half joking and Eddie gives an awkward chuckle.

_

While Steve is in the shower, Eddie finds his way into your bedroom.

You’re lying on your side reading a book, completely unaware of his presence. He stands in your doorway and admires you until he decides he wants to be a menace.

In true Eddie fashion, instead of saying something to make you notice him he jumps on top of you, making you yelp.

“Well that’s one way to get my attention” You say and set your book on your night stand.

“And you’re half naked. That’s the best way to get my attention.” Eddie says, referring to you being dressed only in a sports bra and the shortest shorts in existence.

Eddie grabs you and flips you so you’re on top of him. You can’t help but kiss him for a couple of minutes before pulling away to stop.

“We can’t.” A kiss. “Steve is home.” Another kiss. “Let’s go downstairs” You let your forehead rest on his and give him a chaste peck before moving off of him. You throw on a t-shirt and leave your bedroom.

“Guess what Steve told me while I was working on his car.” Eddie says while following you down the steps.

“What?”

“He thinks you have a boyfriend.”

“Fuck, he doesn’t know it’s you, right?”

You both sit on the couch and leave a respectable distance between each other.

“Are you kidding? We both know I would not be alive if that was the case. He wants me to hang out here so you don’t invite your mystery man over. Oh, and might’ve said something about you being insanely happy…”

“I am insanely happy.” I love you is what you really want to say.

“And you can hang out here. As long as you don’t mind going for a swim. It’s so hot outside I can barely stand being in these clothes” You lower your voice when you say the last part.

Before he can respond with a typical suggestive comment, Steve comes back downstairs to say goodbye before heading to work.

“Alright, I gotta head out. I won’t be home until late. You staying home tonight?” He asks you

“Oh, I don’t know. Laura hasn’t asked me to stay with her yet”

“Well, she can stay here, ya know? Unless there’s another reason…”

“Nope, not at all. You better get going, you don’t wanna be late!”

Eddie tries to keep a straight face and Steve leaves without another word.

It feels like an eternity before he pulls out of the driveway

“Up for a swim?”

Eddie nods quickly.

_

You’re trying to decide which bathing suit you want to wear and Eddie waits patiently on your bed. He turned on music to entertain him knowing it takes you ages to make a decision, but he isn’t complaining. He loves your look of concentration.

“Wear the red one,” He suggest. “You look sexy in red. Or maybe we should just go naked”

He wiggles his eyebrows

“Yeah, you’d like that. But on a day like this, I’m betting either our friends or the kids show up unannounced to use the pool”

“Yeah that would be just our luck”

You begin to get undressed and Eddie looks around your room to avoid being so obvious.

“Eds, you can look. Nothin you haven’t seen before”

“Just trying to be respectful, sweetheart”

“Since when?”

He laughs and finally looks at you. He feels like the air has been knocked out of him.

“I have a feeling Laura is definitely going to ask you to spend the night. Something tells me she’s really gonna need you tonight”

“Well, lucky for her, I’m in the mood to be a very good friend tonight”

“Hmm maybe we could postpone our swim so you can be a good friend right now” He pats his lap for you to join him.

“Can’t I be a good friend in the pool?” You’re already walking over to him to straddle his lap

“Maybe you can be now and later… if you catch my drift”

“I always catch your drift. You aren’t exactly subtle”

“Shut up and kiss me. I’m dying here”

You oblige quickly.

While lost in the kiss, you suddenly become aware of the fact that you’re completely naked while Eddie is fully clothed.

Your hands fly to the hem of his shirt and you quickly remove it so you can get back to kissing him.

His hands move to gently massage your tits and you moan into his mouth then start to grind on him slowly, making him moan in response.

He’s hard against you and you come to the conclusion that you want to give him some relief as soon as possible.

You take your lips off of his and trail kisses down his jaw and neck. You move into a position that allows you to kiss down his chest and stomach until you reach his happy trail.

You begin to gently suck and kiss at his happy trail and his breathing gets heavier. Usually he’s the big teaser, but you wanted to flip the script.

Your hand palms him through his jeans and he groans. “Baby, please.”

“Please, what?”

“Lemme take my pants off. Busting in my jeans isn’t exactly on my agenda”

You choose to be nice and start to take his pants off. Apparently you aren’t doing it fast enough because he stands up and removes his pants and boxers.

No matter how many times you’ve seen his cock, it still makes you drool.

“Lemme suck you off. Please”

“On your knees, baby”

You swiftly move to your knees when Eddie sits on the edge of your bed.

He looks down at you and admires the way you’re staring at his dick

“Get to it, love. Wanna cum in that pretty mouth”

You spit in your palm and give him a few pumps before wrapping your lips around him

At first, you just focus on the tip and swirl your tongue. He tries to stop his hips from thrusting so he can go deeper.

“Don’t tease me, pretty girl. You wanna make me feel good, don’t you?”

You nod and take him deeper. He lets out a loud moan and you begin to bob your head a little faster.

“Fuck, that’s it. Always take my cock so well”

After a few more seconds, you pull back and he whines. “Want you to be rough, Eddie. Don’t hold back”

He smirks and gathers your hair in his fist. “Smack my leg twice if it's too much. Got it?”

“Got it”

“Stick your tongue out for me, baby”

You listen and he taps his cock on your tongue a few times before fully putting it back in your mouth.

He starts thrusting slowly to warm you up. You whine to let him know you want it faster.

His pace starts to pick up and he looks down at you to make sure you’re alright

Your eyes are closed and he feels his dominant side creeping up on him.

“Eyes on me or you won’t be cumming at all today”

You open your eyes and look up at him. Your eyes are watery and your pupils are blown wide.

Fuck, he can’t believe your his girl

Eddie starts to fuck your throat relentlessly and you moan around him. Your hands hold his thighs and you squeeze them hard. He worries it's too much for you. “You okay?”

Neither of you have broken eye contact and you give him a nod to keep going.

Tears are spilling from your eyes and you look so fucking pretty it should be illegal.

“I’m gonna cum in that fucking mouth and you’re not gonna waste a drop. Want you to swallow all of it”

His thrusts grow sloppy and you know he’s about to finish

Soon his warmth fills your mouth and you’re both moaning. He can’t believe how much this turns you on.

He pulls out of your mouth and you gasp for air.

“Not too rough, right?” He takes your hand to help you off your knees

“Not at all. I liked it, just need a minute”

He smiles and moves to sit against your headboard. You go back to straddling him.

You bury your head in the crook of his neck and his arms wrap around you.

The two of you sit in a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes.

“Teddy” You whisper in a sing-song voice. He always knows you’re feeling vulnerable when you call him Teddy. “Yeah?”

You pull back to look at him.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Anything”

“I, uh, know we haven’t been together that long, but I really need to get this off my chest”

He mentally prepares himself for what you’re gonna say

“I love you. So much that I feel like I’m gonna explode and I’m sorry if it’s too soon or something but I just can’t hold it in anymore”

“Too soon? Psh. Pretty sure I fell in love with you first day I met ya”

“Really?” You smile so wide it almost hurts

“Really. Steve was talking shit about my music and you said something like ‘Steve, you cry listening to time after time by cindy lauper. I don’t think you should be talking’ and I just knew I wanted to be yours”

You both laugh at the memory and bask in the feeling of being total lovesick idiots.

After a few moments of silence, you speak up.

“I’m ready, Eds. I want you. Can’t imagine it being anyone else”

“You sure? I don’t mind waiting”

“One hundred percent sure. Now show me what ya got, Munson”

“How romantic. Lay down for me”

Unbeknownst to you, Robin is currently downstairs looking for you to see if you’re up for a swim. Little does she know, Eddie is currently eating you out like it’s his job.

Between the music in your room and being so lost in the moment, neither of you hear the footsteps approaching your room.

Robin isn’t exactly familiar when it comes to having boundaries and she swings your door open without knocking and is met with the sight of Eddie between your legs.

Both of you abruptly turn your heads and all three of you are frozen.

Robin quickly turns around but doesn’t move. “Oh, I’m sorry it seems I’ve opened to door to an alternate fucking dimension where this makes sense” If this was under different circumstances, this sentence probably would’ve made you laugh.

Without another word, she frantically walks out of your room

“Robin, wait!” You call after her and put your robe on to follow her. Eddie also gets up and gets dressed to follow the both of you.

“Am I suffering from heat exhaustion? Does that cause hallucinations? I need to sit down”

Robin sits on the couch, looking a little bit traumatized from walking in on you and Eddie.

Eddie giggles and you lightly elbow him.

You don’t really know what to say. You always assumed you would tell Steve first and then everyone would find out in a completely different way.

“So…” Eddie starts

“What the fuck did I just walk in on? I’m seriously confused”

“Well, ya see, Robin, when two people love each other-”

“That’s not what I mean, Munson. I mean- wait. Did you just say love? Like in love? Can someone please start explaining I wasn’t joking about the being confused part!”

“Okay” You breathe out “Eddie and I have been seeing each other for the past couple of months and it’s been going really great so we didn’t wanna tell anyone because we were scared that things might get complicated, especially if Steve knew”

“Oh my god I didn’t even think about Steve. He is going to kill you!” She points at Eddie

“We know that’s why you can’t tell anybody” He responds

“This is huge, guys! I have to tell somebody that you two are hooking up I am incapable of keeping this to myself” She gets up and begins to pace

“Rob, please you have to keep it a secret. I know it’s big but I promise we’ll tell Steve soon so you don’t have to keep it a secret too long”

“We will?” Eddie asks

“Eventually, yeah. We sort of have to. What, are we not gonna invite him to the wedding?” You realize what you’ve just said and your eyes widen. “I mean, we aren’t getting married. I just, um, what I meant to say was-”

“You’re adorable, ya know that?” He smiles at you and you forget Robin’s having a total freakout for a moment.

“Before you two start doing it on the coffee table, I need to know the details because as your best friend, I am truly offended you kept this from me”

All three of you sit down and you and Eddie tell her all about your relationship, obviously sparing the dirty details. (She’s going to try to get them out of you later).

“Aw, so you guys are in love! This is so great, especially for you, Eddie. y/n is most definitely out of your league”

He doesn’t hesitate to agree.

“I guess I should go to let you guys…continue. By the way, both of you owe me. I’m talking personal chauffeurs and buying me pretty gifts. Deal?”

“Deal”

“I’d love a ride to the mall tomorrow” She says, walking to the door.

“Bye, Robin!”

“So, was that a mood ruiner for you or…” Eddie asks

You stand up and extend your hand out to him. “C’mon”

He takes your hand and you lead him back up to your bedroom.

Eddie unties your robe and you let it fall to the floor. His clothes are off seconds after you lie back down on the bed.

He hovers over you and his eyes bore into yours, making you feel safer than you’ve ever felt.

“I love you”

“I love you, more” Your hand cups his cheek

“Impossible” He kisses your wrist before leaning down to kiss you properly.

“Do you have any condoms?” He asks in a hushed tone

“Don’t need one. I’m on the pill”

He smiles and gives you a passionate kiss

Eddie grabs his cock and guides in through your slick folds. You gasp when it hits your clit.

“Are you ready?” He asks

“More than ready” you smile up at him.

“Tell me if anything hurts, kay?”

“Kay”

He starts by just putting the tip in and you both moan at the same time.

“More. I’m okay”

He slowly goes a little bit deeper and gives you time to adjust before he starts to move.

“Fuck, you feel so good. You’re so fucking wet”

“You’re so big. Feels so good inside me”

His pace picks up a little and you pull him down so he’s laying on top of you and you wrap your arms around him.

You didn’t expect this to feel as good as it does. After hearing stories from friends, you expected it to be completely uncomfortable and awkward, but you haven’t experienced either of those feelings.

“I’m not gonna last much longer” He pants

His hand slides between your bodies and he starts to rub your clit, making your back arch.

His middle and ring finger work faster on your sweet spot and you feel like you’re seeing stars

“Please don’t stop I’m so close, Eddie”

“Me too, baby. Cum with me. Need to feel you cum around my cock”

Both of your moans are getting louder and Eddie lets out a deep groan when he feels you walls clench around him.

You feel Eddie’s cum fill you up and it sends you over the edge.

Your nails are scratching his back and he collapses on top of you, kissing your neck as you work through your orgasm.

Both of you lay there in silence and you run your fingers through his hair and he hums in gratitude.

“I’ll be right back” He says before leaving your bedroom.

He returns with a glass of water and a warm rag to clean you up.

He starts to clean you up and you hiss a little at the contact, making him look up at you warily.

“Sensitive. I’m okay”

Once he’s done, he moves to hold you in his arms.

“How was that? Wasn’t painful or anything, was it?”

“It was perfect. I never imagined it being that good”

You can practically see his ego inflate, but he deserves it.

“Me neither. Best I’ve ever had”

You roll your eyes, but he means every word.

You take a nap before going to Eddie’s and spend the rest of the day wrapped up in each other, making each new time the best you’ll both ever have.

_

It’s been two weeks since Robin found out and she’s been loving making you and Eddie her personal servants.

Even if you didn’t do these things for her, she still wouldn’t spill your secret, but she can’t deny that she’s enjoying it.

The group is spending the day enjoying your pool and you wore your red bathing suit that Eddie loves so much.

It’s almost impossible for him to keep his hands off of you

“y/n, would you be a dear and get me a drink from inside please?” She smirks at you and you have no choice but to compel

“Anything for my queen” You say before heading inside.

“Ugh, can someone look at this freckle on my shoulder. Is it concerning looking?” Robin tries to get a good look at her freckle but can’t get the right angle, so Eddie helps her out.

“Oh, it looks fine. y/n has one like that on her hip”

Steve immediately whips his head towards Eddie and shoots daggers at him.

“What?” Steve says through gritted teeth

“What?” Eddie’s eyes widen when he realizes what he’s done.

“How in the world do you know she has a freckle on her hip?”

“Um, everyone knows. She talks about it all the time, duh”

“You’re dead, man.”

When you walk outside and see Steve chasing Eddie around the pool, you don’t think anything of it until you hear Steve yell “I’m gonna fucking kill you” and your stomach drops.

He knows

Robin notices you and looks like she has no idea what to do

“y/n, I have it on good authority that Steve knows about you and Eddie”

You hurriedly give Robin her drink and join in the wild goose chase around the pool

“Steve, stop! You’re overreacting”

He halts, suddenly. “Overreacting? You’ve gotta be kidding me. How long has this been going on?”

“About two and a half months” you answer

“Two and a half months?!”

“C’mon, Steve. Lets just talk this out” Eddie tries to level with him

“Great idea. I’ll go first” Steve starts “You, Eddie Munson, have been doing my little sister and you’ve both been lying about it. What, you were tired of no one wanting to fuck you so you took advantage of her?”

“Hey! I’m not gonna stand here and let you talk about him like that! I’m an adult, Steve, I can make my own decisions. he’s not taking advantage of me I can’t believe you’d even say something like that”

“Babe, it’s okay-”

“Babe? Seriously? I feel like I’m in the goddamn twilight zone! Did you know about this?” He turns to look at Robin

“I, um, might’ve had some idea, but only because I walked in on them doing it!”

“Robin!” you and Eddie shout at the same time and she apologizes.

“Well, that’s just great. So all three of you were lying? I can’t believe this. You know he’s gonna leave you once he gets bored because that's what guys do, y/n”

“No, Steve. That's what you do” You argue back

Before it gets any more heated, Eddie walks over to you. He wraps his arm around you, pulling you close to him.

“I know you’re mad, but we aren’t just hooking up. I love her. I can promise you I’m not leaving her”

You see Steve’s face soften once Eddie says this. He’s always been a bit of a romantic.

“You mean that? You guys are like, in love and shit?”

Eddie looks at you and smiles. “Yeah. In love and shit”

Steve’s mood shifts entirely, like he was never upset at all.

“Oh my god, that’s great! My best friend and my sister! Dude, we’re gonna be brother-in-laws”

“Okay, let’s slow down” You say, not wanting to scare Eddie off and you’re also extremely surprised at his sudden reaction shift.

“Oh, c’mon babe, we are so gonna be brother-in-laws” He leans down to pull you into a kiss

“Alright, gross. I don’t need visuals of you two, I’m still having nightmares about the hickey I saw on your neck a while ago”

You hide your face, embarrassed.

“I desperately need a beer after that. Robin, help me grab drinks for everyone” Steve and Robin disappear, leaving you and Eddie alone.

“So, cats outta the bag” You wrap your arms around Eddie’s torso and his hands fall to your hips.

“Dustin’s gonna be so pumped. He’s been waiting on me to make my move on you forever”

“That’s what you’re thinking about right now? Dustin?” You both laugh

“Sorry, the little dude’s just got a way about him. It’s kinda freaky”

You move your arms to drape around his neck and look into his eyes.

He leans down to kiss you because that’s something you can do now without fear of getting caught.

“I love that I can do that whenever and wherever now”

“Hmm, think Steve will still have a problem with that”

“Who cares? Don’t know if you heard but he’s gonna be my brother-in-law”

“Think we can sneak off to my room?”

“Oh, yeah. We’re super sneaky”

Steve and Robin don’t say a word when they catch you and Eddie sneaking through your bedroom window.

Turns out neither of you are as sneaky as you think.

#eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fic #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x afab reader #eddie munson x harrington!reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson #eddie munson fluff #stranger things fic #stranger things x reader #stranger things smut

[myechoecho]

Queen of Tears, eps 7 & 8

I watched these back to back so sticking them together. Plus I’m not entirely sure what to think of these episodes to be honest. They aren’t bad but super weirdly paced for me.

I love that Hyun Woo came completely clean with the divorce, though he also had little option. I give Hae In some slack with her reaction since I think it’s just too much for her combined with everything else. The fact that Hyun Woo deliberately does the most to make her hate him so that she would have something to live for makes my heart break.

It makes me laugh at how squeaky clean Hyun Woo is that he essentially eats dinners alone, plays at the batting cage, feeds stray cats and uses his money to gift flowers in Hae In’s name to employees.

So I guess Eun Sung had a childhood encounter with Hae In. She stood up for him and tended his wound. Which would seem sweet but he also poisoned and killed the dog that was chasing Hae In. Still sociopath behaviour. He did miscalculate with Hae In. Telling her to leave Hyun Woo and let him be the replacement was the not best move. Many couples go through rough times to the point of considering divorce. It doesn’t mean that they can’t work things out and reconcile. Hae In looked so disgusted and I am glad she left basically telling him the same thing. She reaffirms this in ep 8.

As for the memory loss but, it was a bit weird. She remembers just before Germany, and Germany is kinda where they had a breakthrough (before it fell apart again). So I’m not sure she would hug him and tell him she loves him. Hyun Woo immediately pressing her to remember the truth was such a good thing for him to do.

Now admittedly, I don’t know much about the Korean legal system and family court but even with Hae In’s wealth and it being not contested with no claims to assets, their divorce seems to take like 2 hours. It feels like it should have taken a few months.

I do love how Hae In retraced Hyun Woo’s steps - to the playground, the batting cage to the restaurant where Hyun Woo shows up. And she overhears that he wants to stay by her side. This is what gives her the strength to keep going

The fact that the grandfather’s girlfriend says the family has been blissfully happy is wild to me. It must be a line she’s telling Eun Sung because there can be no way she’s lived with that family for decades and not know that they are miserable. Ever since Hae In’s brother died they’ve been miserable. Heck, the grandfather even kicked out his eldest son. Despite having wealth, this is one deeply unhappy, dysfunctional family.

As with the divorce, the takeover also seemed to happen at a blistering pace despite being planned for years.

I’m sure hilarity will ensue now that Hae In’s family is with Hyun Woo’s (but really, would the press not think to look there?? Do they know of the divorce??) but considering Hae In is terminal it might not be good idea to be so far away from her doctors.

Really, it’s only ep 8 that the pacing felt a bit blistering. The divorce and take over feels like it should have taken a bit longer to fully settle. Then again, Hae In also has 3 months to live so it has to be fast. I am looking forward to Hyun Woo using Eun Sung’s tactics against him, as suggested in the preview.

One last point - I felt a bit more sympathy for Soo Cheol. He may be a himbo but he’s also been overprotected and coddled by his mom (I assume because she lost her first son). And yeah, he probably should have broken free long before this. But learning to ride a bike so he can teach his son is a good step, as weirdly small as it may be.

#queen of tears #kdrama

[anyon-else]

𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔯𝔢𝔡 𝔯𝔬𝔬𝔪 𝔪𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱

summary | kakashi just wants to have all of his kids back under one roof, and you just want to make sure you can stay with sakura long enough to ensure her safety. you and kakashi end up accidentally bonding over your shared concern for the girl (marvel au).

pairings | kakashi hatake x black widow!reader + sakura haruno, sasuke uchiha, naruto uzumaki, orochimaru, kabuto yakushi, ino yamanaka, might guy, hiruzen sarutobi, shikamaru nara, dosu kinuta, hinata hyuga

warnings | angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, slow burn, allusion to suicide, descriptions of scars, threats of death, abuse, choking (non-sexual), violence, mind control, torture, paranoia, weapons, dissociation, descriptions of injuries, discussion of themes present in naruto and black widow

status | ongoing ➣ next: give me a fight, i can't resist

— father, save me! i, the traitor (part 1) | your life has existed in one setting. one complex of training rooms, poorly designed bedrooms, and labs. you’ve had one mentor, one trainer, and one friend.

— i'm in ruins, but it's what I wanted all along (part 2) | sakura is desperate for kakashi to see that you’re not a threat, but you’re not making it very easy for him to believe her. still, as much as he distrusts you, he trusts sakura more.

— this fire of devotion (it burns me) (part 3) | you and kakashi had let your guards down too soon after getting sakura out of the red room. you should’ve known that this kind of peace and safety was too good to last very long.

— i fought time; it won in a landslide (part 4) | you knew that orochimaru wasn't an ethical man, but you had never considered that his training methods would result in trauma. kakashi begged to differ.

— skin-scarred and buried deep (part 5) | the mission had seemed much simpler in theory, but facing a past that you hadn't even known existed created unexpected roadblocks.

— i know you're a man-made fortress (part 6) | the mission comes to an end, and you and kakashi both fear that it may not have been enough to uncover the truth. on top of that, an old friend puts a bit of a wrench in your attempts to return back home.

— my struggling form, my willing soul (part 7) | sakura is adamant that you stay in the compound permanently, and you're trying to think of any reason why that's a bad idea. you don't expect kakashi to be the one who convinces you to stay.

— will you let me come closer to you? (part 8) | you know that staying is a bad idea. deep down, you know that it will only lead to more pain and loss. but for some reason, it's becoming harder and harder to tear yourself away from this new home.

— i set a fire to my soul (i hope it ate 'till it was full) (part 9) | you realize after spending two weeks at the compound that existing peacefully actually seems like a plausible way of spending your life. it makes you feel free, a feeling that you're wholly unfamiliar with. it's something you want to get used to. 

— will you remember me as i am now? (part 10) | for the first time in your life, you understand what true happiness feels like, and it's both exciting and terrifying. you know now that you have to hold onto it before it's ripped away.

— they lose their minds for us (part 11) | orochimaru had been waiting very patiently to get his hands on you. now that he has, he sees no reason to delay his plans further than he already has.

— of humble origins and born of the cursed sex (part 12) | after seven months, kakashi and naruto finally find you in an abandoned HYDRA outpost. however, you're not the same person that they remember.

— yes, these new walls are pretty hard to crack (part 13) | despite ino's reassurances, believing that kakashi is good is easier said than done. however, he's making it very hard for you to be afraid of him.

— i’m sorry i’m the one you love (part 14) | things are beginning to change—you're feeling less wary of kakashi and his students, and slowly but surely, you begin to believe the things that they're telling you about your past. unfortunately, old enemies aren't always so easy to get rid of.

extras | read on ao3 | spotify playist | inspo | main masterlist

#kakashi #kakashi x reader #kakashi x you #kakashi x y/n #kakashi imagine #kakashi hatake #kakashi hatake x reader #kakashi hatake x you #kakashi hatake x y/n #kakashi hatake imagine #trr #naruto #masterlist #navi #emwrites

[yoyeolears]

it's okay not to be lonely//chapter 1

zhang hao x sung hanbin

genre: angst & fluff

warnings: death, cursing, a bit suggestive

masterlist: summary | 1 | 2 | 3 pt. 1 | 3 pt. 2| 4 | 5 | 6 (final)

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chapter 1: you comforted me when i had no one

word count: 2,745

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1st of January 2024

Hao had been certain that he would be alone forever after his parents’ sudden and tragic passing.

In fact, his theory had initially proven to be right. Three years into his university life no one had really approached him. Maybe it was because he was a foreigner, or maybe because he never made himself available or was even open to making any potential new acquaintances.

He believed it was better this way. Being alone was better than getting attached to people only to lose them.

That’s what he had thought until he met Sung Hanbin.

Well, not exactly the second he met him. His thoughts then couldn’t have been more contrasting.

Three months earlier

Hao was never late. He couldn’t afford to be late. This scholarship was the only thing that certified his financial capability to continue his studies abroad.

He had never been late. Except for today. He blamed it on his neighbours, who loved to pick up a fight with each other at 3 am in the morning. Hao was not a violent person, but last night all kinds of thoughts crossed his head as he laid in his bed trying to finally get some rest.

The rest he never ended up getting, which has now led to his ultimate demise.

If only he was a good runner. If the lack of sleep didn’t kill him, it would be these stairs.

Hao let out a big puff of breath upon reaching the top of the stairwell. He took a look at the familiar double doors in front of him. He had never thought too much of them until this very moment. Now, these doors looked as if the entrance to hell had been relocated and had been re-established as his lecture hall. He was sure he wasn’t going to hear the end of it by Professor Park.

His shaky hands reached the door handle before giving it a push.

Taking a step into the auditorium when class had already started could easily compare to that one time his mum had hired a clown for his 8th birthday party. Poor Hao was so terrified when the clown reached to give him the balloon with that big red smile of his that he wet himself in front of all the other kids and their parents. One word. Mortifying. And yes, he is still terrified of clowns. Although he supposes he would pick them any day if it meant having his mum back.

“Mr. Zhang, nice of you to grace us with your presence at last.”

Hao’s ears turned bright pink, “I sincerely apologize Mr. Park. I barely had any sleep last night and I slept through my alarm. It won’t be happen again.”

The professor raised his eyebrows, “It better have been studying keeping you up and not some girl or party. I wouldn’t expect such thing from our top student after all.”

“As if any girl would go near him.”, the guy sitting in the front seats mumbled to his seatmate.

“Or guy.”, the latter replied, both silently laughing at the ‘humorous’ joke they’d made.

Hao felt humiliated. Not only was he being scolded for being late, but his own professor was also making unfair assumptions about his late-night activities. Sure, the way he worded it might have sounded off, but he never thought any of the academic staff would think of him that way. Even so, what if he did have someone over? It wasn’t realistic considering he didn’t even know a single person in any of his classes, but would it have been so wrong if he chose to? He was twenty-one after all.

Though, he supposed that guy was right. It’s not like any girl or guy would want him at the end of the day. Who would someone who ignores any advances in favor of protecting himself from inevitable loss?

“Actually, it was because my-“, he tried to defend himself.

Professor Park cut him off, “I don’t care about your after bed-time activities Zhang Hao. Kindly take a seat and this shall not be repeated. Don’t forget you are here on a scholarship.”

Hao bowed his head, “Yes sir.”

He didn’t need anyone. Being alone was better. But for this one moment he really wished someone was there for him. To give him a hug and tell him it’s alright. That his mistake was not significant and that he could still do this. To give him strength. But Hao had no one. He'd eliminated any chances of that happening.

Randomly picking a seat, Hao sat down in his chair for the day. He couldn’t be picky anyway. He was pretty sure his usual seat at the back had already been taken.

“That was quite harsh of him. This is like your first time ever being late.”, a soft male voice whispered next to him.

Hao’s hands paused while setting his notebook on the desk. Was someone talking to him?

“Huh?”, he turned around looking at the not-so-much of a stranger, which turned out be Sung Hanbin.

Hanbin repeated, “I said that was quite harsh of him. You didn’t deserve this. You’ve never been late anyway. Plus, who cares if you had a girl over? Isn’t that normal?”

Was Hao being comforted by the University's proclaimed sweetheart?

“What do you know?”

His eyes widened, “Nothing. I am not trying to make assumptions. I just noticed how defeated you looked. It wasn’t your fault.”

Hao felt bad. These were the exact words he had wanted to hear, yet the first thing that rolled out of his mouth was an unjustified insult.

“Thanks, I guess.”

His social skills were terrible. If Hanbin didn’t think he was already a freak, he probably believed it by now.

What happened next completely shocked him.

He smiled at him.

“No problem! Always happy to defend anyone who has been subjected to the unfair wrath of old cranky men. You are Hao, right?”

Hao dumbly nodded his head.

A hand reached out to shake his, “I am Hanbin. Sung Hanbin”.

He simply looked at Hanbin's hand almost bewildered. He hadn’t had any type of normal human contact in years. Let alone physical. He didn’t really know how to act. The gears in his head were turning and he could tell Hanbin was slowly coming to the realization that Hao was starting to feel uncomfortable.

Hanbin retracted his hand, giving him another smile, “It’s okay. Handshakes are not for everyone.”

Hao, not knowing how to properly respond, gave him an incredibly awkward smile before turning back to look at the board.

It’s not like he would talk to Hanbin again. He would just store this event in his ‘moments-to-forget’ box.

He couldn’t have possibly known how wrong he was.

15th of September 2023

Hao slumped in his seat at the cafeteria. After his humiliating public appearance at Professor Park’s class, he had made it his life mission to never be late again. Even if that meant setting dozens of alarms and going to class on no sleep.

He couldn’t possibly fathom how two people could fight so much. Surely if they were this unhappy, they should go their own separate ways. It didn’t seem like they could or wanted to find an alternative solution either, so what was the point? Unless they were doing this on purpose so Hao’s murderous instincts – poor boy wasn’t even aware his mind was capable of such despicable thoughts – could awaken, unleashing a whole new side of him. One that would land him in jail for murder most likely. Then, him being a lone freak would definitely become a reality. If that’s what they were trying to achieve, they were doing a pretty good job at it.

Hao groaned before taking a nibble from his apple. He grimaced at the sour taste of it. This might have been the most distasteful apple he has ever eaten. Despite this, he took another bite. It wasn’t like he could actually afford proper food at the cafeteria anyway. Damn you inflation!

“Hao, hey!”, a familiar male voice exclaimed.

Hao furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Who in the world was talking to him and why?

He turned his head to look at the source of the noise, when he saw Hanbin waving at him excitedly. Next to him, Hanbin's friends were looking at him entirely clueless. What was he doing talking to someone like Hao?

He recognized all three of them.

On his left, Kim Jiwoong, a senior in the Performance department of the University, known for his cool and laid-back personality. On his right was Seok Matthew. He had been Hanbin’s best friend since kindergarten and he himself was quite well known amongst school peers due to his reputation on the football team. Lastly, across the table sat Sua. He didn’t know much about her, but guessing from the way she kept on affectionately slapping Matthew’s shoulder while giving heart eyes, she might have been his girlfriend. That or she had the fattest crush on him and the boy next to her was completely oblivious. They were all considered to belong in the popular crowd, which Hao thought was a bit silly since they were in University for God's sake. How do you even get so popular in University, where thousands of kids walk around and go about their everyday routine of endlessly boring lectures and uncountable hours of stress-induced cramming in the library? He supposed some people could gain some form of popularity from joining certain societies or clubs, but Hanbin and his friends were practically acquainted with more than half of the University to some extent. Even if someone had never talked to any of them, they had definitely heard of them. If they had talked to them, they were most likely acquainted with them in some form.

Hao didn’t talk to people, but people talked about other people and since he didn’t really have any friends, this was the closest he could get to human interactions. Hearing all the gossip. It was a bit pathetic if you asked him, but it gave him enough social satisfaction.

He looked at Hanbin, eyebrows still raised in confusion. He lifted his hand, pointing to himself as if to ask if he was talking to him.

Hanbin laughed, before pointing at him in confirmation. Right, there were probably not many people with the name Hao in the school anyway. How stupid of him.

He felt his face go red at the embarrassing moment. He shyly waved back and then turned back around to face his table. He assumed Hanbin had already left to get back to his friends after this awkward greeting. Why would he even bother starting a conversation with him after all?

“I can’t believe you just turned your back to me. I am deeply hurt.”

Hao almost fell off his seat. What was Hanbin doing?

“Huh?”

Hanbin laughed, “You seem to love that response”.

Hao objected, “You scared me. It was to be expected.”

“Apologies. Sometimes, I forget creeping up on people will emit fewer positive or unpredictable responses. Won’t happen again.”

Hao just stared at him. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Did he try and make conversation? Or just wait for him to finish his part so he could leave him alone with his now brownish apple?

Hanbin looked at the apple in his hands, “Is that all you are having after five hours of classes?”

“I am not hungry.”, he weakly protested.

“Fair enough.”, he admitted.

He didn’t expect that. But then again, he didn’t really expect anything from Hanbin. He had thought he would persist, trying to get something out of him, to make him feel less.

“I am not hungry either.”, Hanbin noted, “But I hate to let food go to waste, so do you mind if I give you my extra sandwich? I am going out for BBQ later, so I won’t be eating it.”

Hao was beyond perplexed. What was going on?

He bit his lip, “Erm, okay.”

It’s not like he could say no. It would have been extremely rude of him to. He could do with a sandwich as well.

“Great, here!”, Hanbin reached out to hand him over his sandwich, before alarmingly retracting.

Hao’s eyes widened. He thought he was making Hao uncomfortable again. He watched as Hanbin awkwardly laughed to himself, placing the sandwich in front him on the table.

Hannbin regained some of his confidence, “See you soon, Hao. Enjoy the sandwich for me.”

He weakly waved his hand, in an almost lazy manner.

“Bye.”, he almost whispered as Hanbin ran off back to his friends.

What the hell?

30th of September 2023

Hao thought that after the cafeteria interaction, Hanbin would go back to his life and leave Hao to attend to his own. He was incredibly wrong.

In fact, Hanbin wouldn’t leave him alone. All of a sudden he was everywhere. For the first few days, he would come and sit next to him in Professor’s Park class, using the excuse that sitting next to the top student was a good influence. Following that, he started paying Hao more visits during lunch. Hanbin would always wave at him and leave him his extra sandwich, making use of his initial explanation; he wasn't hungry, and he had plans to eat out anyway. Now, Hao was aware that university students ate out a lot, but he wasn’t that naive. He knew Hanbin was doing this because he himself never had that kind of food. He didn’t know whether Hanbin was doing it out of pity or if there was another reason, but he appreciated how he never directly touched on the subject. He was being cautious.

And then, he started seeing him around the convenience store he worked at. And no, he knew Hanbin hadn’t been there before their first interaction a fortnight ago. After all, he wasn’t blind. Hanbin was incredibly good-looking, which made him hard to miss.

“Hey Hao!”, he greeted Hao at the register.

He took a brief look at Hanbin's items. Strawberry ice cream and lemonade. The usual. He was about to scan the first object when his eyes did a double take. There were two of each. Hanbin never bought two of each. Did he have company with him? Maybe Matthew was somewhere strolling around the story and Hao hadn't noticed him. Or was this perhaps some sort of post break-up therapy method? He didn’t even know if Hanbin had been seeing anyone.

Hanbin chuckled at his thoughtful expression, “Something caught your eye?”

“Erm, you just usually only buy one of each.”, he hesitantly pointed out.

Hanbin shyly smiled at him, hands playing with the string of his black Adidas track jacket.

“I actually wondered if you wanted to share with me. I know you go on break around this time.”

“How do you know?”

“You know… just by passing by.”, Hanbin bit at his lower lip anxiously.

Hao raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to sound like a creep. I genuinely pass by almost every day since it’s on my way home. That’s how I found out you work here anyway. Saw you through the window.”, he confessed, pointing at the window on his right.

That made sense.

“So, what do you say?”

“I don’t know. Don’t you want to share it with one of your friends or something?”, he asked.

Hanbin cocked his head back, “What do you mean? Aren’t you my friend?”

Hao’s heart clenched. Hanbin thought of him as a friend. He hadn’t felt this joyful yet devastated in a long time. He knew he was entering dangerous waters. Letting him in his life was not part of the plan. He would lose him somehow. He just knew it.

Still, his mouth spoke for him entirely different words.

“Sure. I can come out in two minutes. Just, erm, let me tell my manager.”

Hanbin beamed at him. He had a beautiful smile.

Hao smiled back at him albeit in an almost robotic manner, before turning to go to his manager’s office.

“Aren’t you going to scan my items first?”

He faltered before finally stopping and taking a step back. His ears were a deep red. He just couldn’t stop embarrassing himself in front of him.

“Right! How could I forget?”

Hanbin giggled. He thought that might have been the most melodious sound he had ever heard.

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Author's Note: Hello again everyone!! I am finally back with my second piece of work. I am so excited to share this with the world! As mentioned this one is a bit on the darker side, but I have tried to make it as lightheared as possible! Kindly read the warnings and proceed at your own risk! Stay safe people!! As of right now I think this will be roughly 3-4 chapters with each roughly 1,000 to 2,000 words. I still don't feel ready to share a bigger piece of work, so small baby steps for me!! Anyway, I hope whoever reads this sincerely enjoys it! Please leave your feedback!! It is really important to me as it encourages me to keep writing and improving! sending lots of love your way!

-Jina

#zb1 fanfiction #zb1 scenarios #zerobaseone #zhang hao #zhang hao imagines #zhang hao fluff #zerobaseone imagines #zerobaseone scenarios #zerobaseone fluff #sung hanbin fluff #sung hanbin imagines #hao x hanbin #zhang hao x sung hanbin #haobin #zb1 hanbin #sung hanbin #seok matthew #kim jiwoong #zb1 ricky #kim bora #zb1 imagines #shen ricky

[originalaccountname]

i loved your post about dazai's relationship with chuuya vs oda. regarding this section:

"But Chuuya also serves as Dazai's wake up call (cue Dead Apple soundtrack) and keeps him from slipping too far. Yes Chuuya punched Dazai square in the face, but it was because Dazai was seeing an ally's death as an opportunity for him instead of a death. And it worked! Because Dazai then got into action not 2 days later to start on ending the conflict that had already been ongoing for over 2 months!"

i was always under the impression that Dazai didn't really care about reaching executive status (pretty sure i read it in canon somewhere, just can't remember where, but correct me if i’m wrong), & my assumption was that, even in that interaction with Chuuya, he was already setting his plan into motion (planting the microscope reference, maybe trying to get Chuuya out of the way so Dazai could confront/get captured by Shibusawa? etc).

plus, Dazai brought up letting mori plan things, & i don’t think mori would let Dazai just do nothing to help end the feud. he gives pretty free reign as long as if benefits/doesn’t have negative effects on the PM. i read that punching situation as Dazai lying about not caring & letting everyone die, but i’d love if you could expand on your thoughts!!

ps: thank you so much for your bsd analyses & meta... i consider you one of the best sources for accurate, unbiased, factual, canon compliant literary analysis of bsd & i appreciate your insight & research so much :)

🥺 that is both flattering and a reminder for me to always fact check myself hdsgfsj

First, plugging the complete Dragon's Head prologue by Asagiri again for everyone to read.

This is interesting and not an angle I really thought to look at it from!

I don't think Mori was actively planning to end the feud because they say the PM didn't suffer many losses in Fifteen and the SB epilogue specifies they mostly kept away from the fighting:

According to the prologue's timeline, there are 9 days between Dazai meeting Oda in a slight panic after a close encounter with Shibusawa (day 61) and Chuuya punching him for his comment (day 70). It's two days later (day 72) that Dazai confronts Shibusawa and vanishes. Chuuya finds Dazai and unleashes Corruption 15 days later (day 87).

What I would have said happened is that Dazai did not consider the conflict his problem for the most part, though he was aware of the recent developments. Then, the newly released Shibusawa got the Colonel, and his attempt at a joke about Chuuya and his' ongoing rivalry while telling Chuuya about the Colonel landed him a punch in the face. Chuuya was actually mad at him (rare) and announced he'll be doing something about the conflict, even without Dazai. Two days later, Dazai has a whole operation ready to go.

In this scenario, Dazai just dropped the microscope joke for fun and later used it because Chuuya would be able to recall their last conversation and find the tracking device and understand what he had to do. Chuuya's punch was a wake up call to recenter his priorities, because Dazai does care about people, but grew too detached in this case and had to be brought back.

Now, the scenario you're suggesting I understand like this: Dazai passively keeps track of the events of the conflict to be ready just in case. Then, they release Shibusawa into the fray, things go from bad to worse, and the Colonel is a casualty. Dazai starts planning to stop this guy before he becomes an even bigger threat, and antagonizes Chuuya as part of said planning. He shows Chuuya the Colonel's death to put him up to pace, and the open seat comment was to purposefully make Chuuya mad and push him away.

This second option could also give a new meaning to Dazai anxiously going to Oda, when Oda inadvertently met Shibusawa days earlier, either because Dazai was already neck-deep in planning, or as one of the moments he realized everyone he knew could be the next victim:

It would also make Dazai a bit less random here:

Maybe the real scenario is somewhere between the two. Maybe Dazai really was trying to make Chuuya react like usual by making him realize one of them would probably be granted the title shortly, but it was too much too soon. Maybe telling Chuuya about the Colonel's death was also his way of warning him that everyone was at risk out there.

We don't know when the Colonel died, but it had been 9 days since his scare with Oda, so perhaps Oda being so close to this threat made him really conscious of the danger. Maybe the short jokes with the microscope really was Dazai setting the scene for when he would soon confront (and probably lose to) Shibusawa, as he had had enough time to plan his next move by then.

There's also Ango we need to plug somewhere in there, with his records of the deceased PM members during the conflict, and Dazai who was accompanying Oda on cleanup duty for said deceased members. He had seen the dead, he had seen someone record them as people (and decided to befriend him). Dazai said he joined the PM to witness death, and he was basically neck-deep in it, perhaps it made the idea of seeing his close ones in their position too real, especially once Shibusawa showed up.

I think there's plenty of room for interpretation in all this information actually, if you bother to try to make the pieces fit. Asagiri is always going on about how ~mysterious~ Dazai is when he's not that complicated, come on, but there are times like this where the nebulous character motivations make that ~mystery~ shine because there could easily be more than one answer, depending on the reader.

#gonna have to look up how to record my phone screen one day to make the full dragon's head prologue experience available #long post #sorry about that 07 #ask answered #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #dead apple #bsd dazai #bsd dazai osamu #bsd analysis #apparently i talk sometimes

[blissfulalchemist]

WIP Wednesday

Been a hot second but I have not been too much in the throws of writing and have been focusing on gposes. So have some little pieces/ideas of gposes for the next month and at least 2 little writing bits I don't think I've posted before. Sending tags out to @belorage @florbelles @unholymilf @statichvm @adelaidedrubman @strafethesesinners @unholymilf @jackiesarch @shellibisshe @shallow-gravy @confidentandgood @leviiackrman @thedeadthree and anyone else that wants to!

To start though! a little game of Spot the Difference!

Then prepping things for crossover day for Febhyurary coming up! Guess who’s making appearances!

And speaking of have two little previews of Demos! and then have some writing below!

Have some Carly that was part of one of the ffxiv write prompts:

The sounds of metal cutting through flesh breaks her free of the latest victim and to the face of another, a woman, who shares the same colored hair and eyes. Watching and smiling as the blades sang their way through muscles and bones, the blood coloring the walls, and her mouth begging for her own flesh and blood to stop. Revels in the weight lifting as the number of breaths dwindles and anticipation building as freedom ticks ever closer. The laugh she can’t hold back as the chakram rests against her mother’s throat and Carly utters a single question. “Are you happy with me now mommy?” The gurgled final breath isn’t her mother’s but she’s yet to leave this memory behind. Inhales the metallic tang of blood and sand, the clang as she drops the circular blades, eyes opening to a room of varying shades of red and a clock that tells her she’s been at this for well over an hour. A calm as she collects some few remnants of her childhood that will lose their meaning after a few years, and makes her way out into a silent night. By sunrise she’ll have put enough distance to make it to the ocean where she will then fall into the water, hoping the salt will scrub clean her act of justice. Bounce between the choice of swallowing more of it or kicking her way back to the surface, question where to go now that she can be anyone and anything, remember that she didn’t even think to get something to sell, calm in the thought that hunger won’t be too much of an issue seeing as she was never granted enough food to begin with, and curiosity grow as a red glow catches her eye among the rocks. The same glow that brings her back to the present and she looks down upon a man that felt the need to state his opinion on how a young woman could come into such a position to make war plans with her heart considering she was a half breed Garlean that was no more a citizen than those that were living here before the occupation. A tragedy young Fordola wanted no part in delivering punishment, She muses as the dark glowing red crystal brightens as the man’s soul gets tucked away within, Oh well. Her loss is my gain in the end.  Carly looks up beyond the mess to an even younger woman, no more than sixteen, that stands with slightly darker hair, green eyes, and a body on the borderline of malnourished that’s clad in a off white tabard with chain metal arms, skirt that was short enough to allow freedom of movement, and scratched worn brown boots that were initially bought for a dance performance. “You don’t approve?”  The young woman glances down at the two bodies, “They were a threat. Not against us but a threat nonetheless.” “I do not question you. You are meant to protect afterall.”  Carly crosses her arms, “Then why are you here?” “You can feel it can’t you? Feel that there’s something coming.”

Then have a little Shadowbringer's Demos so spoilers there!

“Oh my beloved sapling, you mortals spend so much time looking towards the future, always preoccupied with what lies ahead, it should be of little wonder why we pixies muddle your vision with fog and glamour.” Demos looks up, wiping away at the last of the tears, “But it's so easy to see through such trickery. You were always able to see through such things, that's why I picked you.” “What do you mean?” “The way to see through our trickery is to stand very very still, think not of where you need to go, but where you are right now in this very moment, this time, and this place.” The pixie’s smile grows, “Looking at the present, living within the moment, seeing the world around you for what it is, that’s your strength Demos. It has saved you and your friends many times, it has brought them comfort, it has brought on new perspectives because you were never so preoccupied with what was to come. A steady heart and mind that looks towards the ground is one of the best ways to find the way forward when one is lost.” When he doesn’t respond and turns away once more, Feo Ul places their hand on his, “You feel lost and confused about your place in all of this, do what you do best and look at the people around you, listen to them, and you will find your clearest clue. You may even find your answer.” “The answer to what?” “To my earlier question of course; What do you think needs to be done? What would my precious little sapling Demos choose to do in this situation?” He takes a deep breath, “Must be the end of the world if I’m taking the advice of the Faerie King.” He chuckles when Feo Ul gives him a cross look, “Thank you. Truly. I mean it.” “Anything for my beloved snaeyak.” The two smile at one another a moment before the pixie’s eyes light up, “Would you want me to look at the girl? See how she fares and if I could offer any insight to the little snag in your thoughts?” “That…would be very helpful actually.” “Then consider it done.” Feo Ul waves, flying in a loop before vanishing without a trace. He lets out a heavy breath waiting for the pain to subside long enough to stand. It's slow going as he makes his way down the tower, unwilling to aggravate the light further lest his companion suffer. And it's not like he wants to encounter anyone else just yet, he doesn’t need another lecture when he already knows what he should do. “Demos.” Ryne’s voice is soft and timid with a matching expression when he turns to find her waiting at the bottom of the stairs, which he somehow missed.  “Hey kid, everything okay?” “I-I came to make sure you were okay.” She looks away from him, hands wringing, “I heard you fighting with Y’shtola earlier.” “Right. Look Ryne-.” “Is it true what you said? You’ve been taking on some of the it for Siberite?” “Something like that. It’s….complicated.”

#my wip tag #sorry this is all I am anymore but the creativity has been low as hell lately #anyway enjoy my brain musings

[writingquestionsanswered]

Would it be a major turn off if a character, in a world where almost everyone has magic, only had a few chances before they have to cause like actual bodily harm in order to continue using it?

Some additional context I have to justify it are that 1. It's almost OP and I need some things to balance it out. Like, it's literally immortality that's kinda like save points, just done so it isn't completely videogame style (since that world isn't a video game) 2. Most people's powers do have side effects. However, to be fair, they're supposed to make sense (e.g. former protagonist has fire powers, so she's also heat resistant but is naturally very hot, so cold hurts more before it heats up and she can't touch things that need cold because she can't just switch off the heat, or one that's probably more cliche but they've got super strength and don't know how much force they're actually applying, gentle to them still is pretty rough a lot of the time, etc), and I'm not sure if having to actually injure yourself is a good side effect to near-immortality 3. She also has a sort of healing ability doubled with it, where no matter how awful the injury it heals in 24 hours (like from light paper cut to the loss of a limb, it is always 24 hours, it just made more sense to me that way), so as long as she stops the bleeding she'll be fine the next day But then I feel like it's a bit too much since 1. She would lose any motive to use it - she doesn't worry about death, so with the injury and pain it'd likely just be like adding 0+-1 when you're trying to get 2 (if that makes sense), 2. She's in single-digits still, so it'd be a child harming themself because they don't want to die, which while the tone is definitely supposed to get dark at some point I feel like that might just be a bit much both to read and to write, and 3. There's already another balance in place - if she dies, she'll appear back at the last "save" (considering it's inspired by video games that's the quickest way to describe it), and will lose any memory or development that happened in-between. It also only lasts ~a month so that she won't be completely immortal, she has to keep redoing it if she wants to be. So she'd physically and mentally revert back to up to a month ago, in the exact place she was no matter what happened there in-between, no matter where she's been or what she's learned in-between. Still debating whether or not there should be a way to regain the memories or not.

I'm also not sure if I actually want to give her another reason to hesitate to use it, or if it's just because I like letting characters suffer in my head, but the story isn't going to just be in my head so I want it to be actually fun instead of just agony lol. I don't want my story to be too affected by my sadism exclusively reserved for fictional characters.

Sorry it's long and probably awkward, and that it probably has way too much info when I just needed a little bit, I just want to write my story (and current protagonist) decently and not be TOO harsh on the characters. While the way I wrote probably made it kinda clear which way I'm thinking of going, I just wanted an outsider opinion that I trust before choosing one way or the other. Sorry if it's too uncomfortable or morbid or anything, idk where else to ask and I'm embarrassed to ask people I know irl (personal issues 💀)

Thank you for reading this whole ask, sorry again about how long it is!

Bodily Harm as Consequence of Magic Use

I feel like "bodily harm" is really broad and random consequence of using magic. So... after a few uses, if the character uses magic again, their arm or leg just randomly breaks? Or a huge gash opens up on their back? It doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

Typically, the consequences of magic are more logical:

-- Physical fatigue (lots of energy coursing through your body) -- Mental fatigue (extreme focus, quick thinking, mental stress) -- Loss of source (source of magic is limited so lost once used up) -- Harm to other (someone/something related is harmed by use)

You would typically choose one of these consequences (though physical and mental fatigue often go hand-in-hand), then the extent of the consequence is greater with the power/amount of magic used. In other words, a smaller spell has a smaller consequence. A bigger spell has a bigger consequence. A small spell would cause a little bit of physical exhaustion. A big spell would cause the person to pass out for a little while.

If you can find some way for the injuries to make sense, then you could still do that. But I would also add the consequence that injuries incurred via magic use don't heal in 24 hours. And while injured, no magic can be used. That way there's an actual cost to using magic too often. It's not just a superficial cost like an injury. They're putting themselves in the position of being powerless until the injury heals naturally.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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#tw bodily harm #tw injury #tw self harm #tw violence #wqaadvice

[urlexaprohoe]

Stages of grief - Part 4

Bucky and Steve deal with the loss of Y/N, their favorite person

Warnings: Angst, character death (dealing with loss), Stucky x reader, swearing, suicidal thoughts, THIS PART MIGHT BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME PEOPLE!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

913 words

Stage 4 – Depression [January 18th 2024]

It’s okay, I’ll be with you, darling…

Soft jazz music rang through Steve’s ears. She used to love those songs; it made her feel like she was with them in the old times. She never got enough of their stories about their youth; it almost felt like she liked their stories more than her actual life in the modern times. Bucky and him always told her that she’d think differently if she would’ve lived back then but in secret, they both thought the same. Their childhood was gorgeous, not a single thing in the modern times could live up to that.

Just wait a bit, soon I’ll be able to touch your beautiful face again…

He had always considered his time with Peggy as the best time of his life. He had loved her so much that he was pretty distanced when he met her at first. Falling in love again? It felt like a sin, unfair to Peggy. But as soon as he decided to give in, he realized that the one year he knew Peggy wasn’t even a single bit of the time he spent with her. She truly was the love of this life. And because of that, one would’ve thought that sharing her with Bucky would’ve been the worst thing ever. But it wasn’t. In fact, it made everything even better. Well, Steve never knew a time without Bucky, the relationship started out as the three of them. It was a beautiful day when the three of them finally decided to address their feelings. He was clearly able to remember the exact situation. She was sitting on the couch, looking up at the both of them. The last few months were full of weird situations between the three of them, always giving each other signs but still not really understanding the other one. And she was pretty sure that this situation would end up in a huge disaster. A fight between the both of them, their friendship would be destroyed and it would’ve been her fault. But honestly, she couldn’t take it anymore. Her love for the both of them was too strong to ignore any further.

Do you miss me, doll? You don’t have to anymore…

She told them while fighting tears of fear. But contrary to her beliefs, both of them took the news surprisingly well. And just like that, a perfect relationship was born. At first, a couple of people took it a bit weird, especially her parents. But it was okay, they had each other. And well, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world; every single Avenger supported them through and through. Sam teased Bucky a bit about it, since he wasn’t able to get a girl for himself. But it was a funny situation, they always shared a laugh. Yeah, it was a fun time. The missions were more bearable as well. She was a soldier before she met the both of them, but she had always worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. She considered the organization her home, not being able to imagine anything else than the boring gray walls of the headquarters and the annoying speeches of Nick Fury. But after she started to work for the Avengers, her life changed a lot. The training got a lot more intense, but her free time was filled with laughter and parties. She felt like she had finally found her second family. Everybody loved her for her great personality, even Natasha who was a bit rough to every new person. But she mostly got a lot of respect due to her fighting skills on the field. She truly was an incredibly brave person. And she never let anymore distract her from her life as a soldier, not even a stupid little thing like love. Well, that quickly changed from the moment on where she met Steven Grant Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes. They both were to die for.

I can’t wait to see you…

“STEVE! WHAT THE HELL?!” Steve felt himself getting thrown away from the edge of the building. He wasn’t able to fully process it; he could still feel his heart pounding in his head. He glanced to the side only to see his best friend trying to keep himself together through the stream of tears flowing down his face. “It’s okay, Buck…don’t cry...”

“NOTHING IS OKAY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Bucky pressed his face against Steve’s chest, still shaking heavily. He wasn’t able to find Steve in his room this morning and as soon as he saw the open door to the roof, a bad feeling started to form in his stomach. He started to sob at the thought of losing his friend as well. “I know it’s hard, I get it more than everybody else…but don’t do this, it’s not a solution…DON’T LEAVE ME!”

Steve felt tears running down his face as well. He never really thought of his situation like this. He was so consumed in his own sadness that he completely forgot about Bucky and what he’d do to him. He himself didn’t know what he’d do with the help of his friend. Every time something felt impossible to go through, Bucky was by his side, helping him to get through it. It has always been this way.

He tried to speak through his tears. “It hurts…” Bucky looked up, eyes red from all of the crying. “I know that it hurts, goddamn…”

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #stucky x reader #stucky #marvel #mcu fanfiction #mcu #chris evans #sebastian stan

[eldritchsurveys]

1157.

1. What is the last thing you said to the person you like? .

2. Does your favourite song remind you of anybody? >> the Zeal & Ardor song doesn't remind me of anyone but the Carpenter Brut + David Eugene Edwards song is 100% a Bruni song and will always feel like a loveletter from him.

3. Do you have a member of the opposite sex you’ve told everything to? >> there is no one in the world I could possibly tell every single minute detail about myself to, nor anyone I could imagine even wanting to know that much detail. 4. Has anybody really broken you? If so, has it changed you? >> several people have played their part in breaking me. what do you mean, has it changed me? there is no possible way you could break me without it fundamentally changing me. that's what a breaking is -- irrevocable change.

5. Do you honestly have any regrets? >> I honesly can't imagine regretting anything more serious than eating too many cookies or something ultimately inconsequential like that

6. Missing anybody? >> not at the moment. this sort of thing comes and goes like the tide 7. Do you want any tattoos? If yes, what? >> always, but I don't have any specific ideas in mind right now. I stopped musing on tattoo designs a while ago, considering I can't afford them.

8. Are you in any kind of emotional pain right now? >> not at this moment (thank gods for small wonders etc)

9. When and why did you last cry? >> last night. I was feeling some grief about the inevitable but still painful loss of a special interest bond.

10. Why are you doing this survey? >> it occurred to me that it's been some days since I last took one

11. What was the last thing to annoy you, even the slightest bit? >> the fact that my digestive system doesn't work the way I want it to, lol. psyllium fiber you're my only hope

12. Last time you wore the opposite sex’s clothing? .

13. What do you bite on more; your tongue, your lip, or your nails? >> I don't bite, I pick (my lip, primarily, but also hangnails) 14. Would you rather go back a week or go forward? .

15. Could you go out in public looking like you do now? >> I'm fully clothed, so yeah, technically I could. but I prefer not to wear my house clothes outside (and also I would freeze to death if I went out like this right now).

16. Who did you like on New Years? .

17. Are promises important to you? >> I don't make promises, so either they're of so little importance that I don't even think about them, or they're of such great importance that I don't make them lightly. I genuinely do not know which one is true. 18. Did anything “cute” happen in this week? >> probably, but I'll be damned if I can remember now

19. What are your plans for the day? >> today is over, so I'll just say what I did: went grocery shopping after Sparrow had their labs done, then came home and played ESO for a couple of hours. other than that, I've just been messing around on tumblr.

20. What did you have for breakfast? >> a microwave steam-bag meal comprised of quinoa and veggies.

21. Have you had sex in 2016 yet? .

22. What kind of booze did you last take shots of? >> god, I can't remember the last time I took a shot of anything.

23. What are you wearing currently? >> Stitch-patterned lounge pants, grey undershirt, Duff's hoodie.

24. What colour hair do you find sexiest on the opposite gender? .

25. Have you slept over at a member of the opposite sex’s house in their bed? >> I've slept over at several people's houses in their bed. 26. Who last slept in your bed besides you? >> no one sleeps in my bed but me. 27. What time did you wake up today? >> around 06:00

28. If the last person you had sex with asked you to date them, would you? . 29. How long until your birthday? >> five months and a week or so 30. What colour is your car (or the one you drive most often)? .

31. What celebrity did you most recent ex resemble? .

32. What’s your favourite kind of cereal? >> the only cereal I've been eating in recent times is Honey O's from Trader Joe's.

33. What’s something you want to purchase next time you’re at the mall? . 34. When you lost your virginity, were you sober? >> I was

35. What was the last movie you watched? >> Angel Heart, which was way more interesting than I'd expected

36. Has anyone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? .

37. If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? >> I don't know anymore. I've gotten so used to missing out on concerts because I can no longer afford them that I don't even think about them.

38. Do you own any books written by musicians? >> I do not

39. When was the last time you received a massage? .

40. When did you last consume something that had peanut butter? >> the last time I had a peanut butter sandwich was like 2 months ago. I genuinely keep forgetting that that exists as an option.

#surveys #survey #random survey

[homesliceadulting]

OMG! This was supposed to be posted on 8/12, but I didn't hit post! Guess who's 30 lbs down in 6 months??? Me! What what! Look at this milestone! Just in case you're just now reading this, on Feb 5th I started a journey to get active, eat better, and lose weight. On Feb 5th, I weighed in at 338.6 lbs. I weighed in today at 308.4 lbs and that makes my total weight loss 30.2 lbs! I'm so happy about this and I'm super proud of myself. At this rate, I'll be down 60 lbs total by next February!

Aside from the celebration, this week has been interesting. On Sunday, I took my dog for an hour long walk around our neighborhood. It was great to explore my neighborhood, get some fresh air, and spend time with Beaux. When we were done with our walk, I had only burned like 475 calories and my heart rate barely reached the fat burn zone. If I do a Just Dance workout for the same amount of time, I usually burn 700 calories and most of the time, my heart rate is elevated to the fat burn category, with some cardio sprinkled in. I will say adding in the walk as a third weekly workout is great and low impact, even if the results pale in comparison to doing a Just Dance session in my house. I will be walking the dog again tomorrow and this time we'll take different streets.

I actually skipped 2 workouts this week--been having a hard time managing my time--but I think I may have made up for it. Last night, I went to karaoke with some friends and while I was there, I burned like 1300 calories. Wtf? I performed twice (sang Kids by Prince & Dream On by Aerosmith) and of course I was dancing and jamming along with the other performers as well. I drank tons of water, I sweated quite a bit, and I didn't even really walk around that much. I am astounded that I burned so many calories in a non-conventional. I earned 115 zone minutes (this is Fitbit terminology)--87 minutes were listed as Fat Burn (heart rate between 122-143) and the remaining 28 minutes were considered Cardio (a heart rate of 144-170). That's literally like 2 of my Just Dance workouts put together. I'm amazed and so happy. I'm going to work out today (Just Dance) to keep the momentum going.

As far as food, this past week was the 2nd week of me meal prepping and I realized I need to be more efficient with it. I made a meal on Sunday, then spent a few hours on Monday prepping the 2nd meal. This Monday prepping is why I couldn't work out. It's becoming apparent that I need to carve out times on the weekend to plan and prepare my meals. The 2 recipes from this week were really good. One of them was a Cajun sausage and vegetables recipe I found online. The other was a chicken/broccoli/potato recipe I found online as well. They were both very good and relatively easy to make, even though the sausage one was tedious. I don't like cooking, so batching my meals sounds as perfect as its going to get.

I've also been worried about my consumption of Baskin Robbins. I've been there way too many times in the past month trying to get the Beach Day flavor. It is SO good. In an effort to curb my cravings and not flare up my lactose intolerance, I've been buying and trying new dairy-free ice creams from the grocery store. So when I want a frozen treat, I eat a third of a pint and call it quits. I'll share my thoughts later. This approach is helping me, though. I find I have more discipline and I'm less tempted to grab fast sweets.

Overall, things are going great. I have 6 more weeks to lose 8.4 lbs--this is the goal I set in my Self Journal. With the addition of a 3rd weekly workout and paying special attention to my diet, I feel confident I can meet or exceed this goal.

#weight goals #weight loss

[peacefulheartfarm]

Raising Animal Protein

Raising animal protein for food on the homestead. What are some of the options? And what are some of the factors to consider when making your choices. As you may know our choices for raising animal protein on the homestead currently includes cows, goats, sheep and poultry. In the very near future, we plan on having pigs. There are other types of protein that we may have or have considered. I’ll talk about all of those.

But first, as always, I will never take you all for granted. You make this show possible.

Welcome to any and all new listeners and welcome back to the veteran homestead-loving regulars who stop by the FarmCast for every episode. You mean so much to me. Thank you so much for your support of this podcast. It has been a while and I’m so excited to share with you all about the homestead.

Our Virginia Homestead Life Updates

We’ve had a busy morning already. Scott is milking. I set up for making butter in a little while and put some yogurt on to ferment. It will be ready in less than 8 hours. I’ve been out to the garden and planted a half dozen flowers, stocks this time, and let the chickens out to play.

Chickens/Quail

Chickens you say. When did that happen? If I remember correctly, the eggs began hatching on April the 8th. I had 24 eggs each of American White Bresse and Black Copper Maran. There were two incubators running and all went well. I hatched 17 White American Bresse and 7 Black Copper Marans.

Due to the low hatch rate on the Marans, the eBay seller sent me another dozen for the cost of postage. I incubated those and hatched three more of the Black Copper Maran from that batch.

The first batch of low hatch rate was not my fault. Most of the eggs were not fertile or perhaps were “scrambled” in the shipping process. But I must say that of those that didn’t hatch in the last dozen, four were nearly or fully formed. I have no idea why they died just before hatching but have to believe it must have been something I did or did not do with that last batch.

At the moment, I have 14 American White Bresse and 9 Black Copper Maran. I lost three of the Bresse and one of the Marans. That last loss happened just a few days ago. That particular chicken was hatched six days after the rest of the crew. It was always smaller, but a little over 2 weeks ago, it developed some kind of disorder. It couldn’t really stand up. The vet happened to be here that day and took a look at it. She recommended antibiotics for a few days and see how it goes. That seemed to help a bit but eventually the chick succumbed to whatever the ailment was.

The vet did not have a lot of information on chicken issues of this type. She said there are just too many variables without testing. And chicken generally are not worth the cost of testing. So, there you go.

Dogs

There is a lot to talk about with the dogs. I’ll try to keep it brief. Let me start with the current state of affairs and then go back and fill in a few details. Finn disappeared about 4 weeks ago and has not returned. While he and Charlotte escaped a lot, Charlotte has always been back the next day and Finn never more than two days. We did have to go and fetch him three different times. He seemed to get so far away that he did not know how to get home.

Charlotte and Mack are now guarding the sheep. They seem to be doing well with that task. Charlotte still goes wherever she wants, whenever she wants, but she stays relatively close. She grieved for about two weeks after Finn disappeared. I had her on a tether so she could not run away, but even after I let her loose, she was very quiet. Being a Great Pyrenees, she generally barks a lot. But there was nothing for many days. Now she is back to barking up a storm.

Fear of Thunder

Speaking of storms, on the day that Finn disappeared, there was a storm and Charlotte returned home only hours after they both escaped. I found that she is very scared of thunder. Still, after seven months, she will not let me walk up to her to pet her. But if there is thunder, she is right there beside me looking for comfort. I can pet her all I want in those moments. But Finn did not show up with her, not unusual.

Let’s see if I can be brief regarding of the circumstances of Finn’s final escape. Starting about six weeks ago, we were trying to get them to bond with the sheep so we put all of them together in the front pastures. We had already been trying this for some time in the field next to the house. We were able to contain the dogs there. The same was not true when we moved them to the front fields. For several days we tried patching places in the fence to keep them contained. They still escaped nearly every day. After an escape that had Scott going a few miles to pick up Finn, we put both of them back in the field right next to the house. Finn was put on a tether. Charlotte will stay close by to him. We then spent long hours discussing what we were going to do.

Another Coyote Attack

In the meantime, we left the sheep in the front pasture. Within three days of the dogs being out of the pasture, we had a coyote attack. We lost six of seven lambs and one of our new ewes. The remaining sheep and lamb were moved back into the field next to the house with the dogs. Just three days alone and the coyotes zeroed in on them. We suffered yet another huge emotional and financial loss. It’s far in the past now and I am over it, but as you can probably imagine, it was quite traumatic at the time. Again, I was questioning whether we wanted to have sheep and goats.

I got over that bit of negativity and we still have the sheep and a deposit on some goat kids. More on that later.

After lots and lots of research, I decided to try and train Charlotte and Finn with an ecollar. It was recommended over and over again in the Livestock Guardian Training group on Facebook. No matter the ecollar system, it is an expensive and time-consuming undertaking.

We were keeping Finn on the tether and Charlotte always stayed with him. But what to do about protecting the sheep? We can’t keep them in the same field forever. The sheep must be rotated from field to field for their health and the availability of grass. The idea of fixing fences every day, every time we move them to another field or paddock was completely unrealistic. The time to complete the ecollar fence and training would be months and months. We decided to go back to an original plan before we got Finn and Charlotte. Mack was to be the sheepdog.

We had kept him separate with the cows because he chased the sheep. He bonded well with the cows and we were preoccupied with trying to train Charlotte and Finn to guard the sheep. All was well there. Now that Finn and Charlottes plan with the sheep was scrapped, we decided to bring Mack back into the picture. And this was the fatal day that we lost Finn.

Let’s Train Mack

Now that we decided to train Mack with the sheep, what was the plan to make that happen? We needed to check the health of the flock after their coyote ordeal. The plan was to bring all the sheep and Mack to the corral together so he could see us working with the sheep. Then we would bring the lot of them back to the field next to the house for a week or so until Mack could start to see them as his animals to be protected. Well, we needed to move Finn and Charlotte out of that field while we made this short jaunt up the travel lane to the corral and back.

We put Finn and Charlotte into the lower garden fenced area. We had held them there before and there was no problem. We didn’t take the time to move the tether. By the time we returned with the sheep and Mack only about 30 minutes had passed. I’m guessing that within 10 minutes Finn and Charlotte had gotten into the orchard and then completely out of the perimeter fence.

I’m still grieving over Finn. Tomorrow will be four weeks. There is not much hope, but I still cling to just a little bit of hope. He has a collar that has our farm name and phone number clearly visible from 3 feet away. I can’t imagine someone would steal him. How would they know they needed to strongly contain him? He could have run afoul of a bear or that pack of coyotes. He could have been hit by a car, though we have found no evidence of that. Someone could have shot him. He could have gotten to the Primland resort. They have all sorts of bears, lions, and who knows what else over there. It’s an internationally known hunting resort. I just don’t know. I just don’t know. And that’s the worst, not knowing. He could still be out there.

A Brief Hope Still Burns

About three weeks ago, we had a call from someone who thought they had “our dog”. I was so relieved, but then it wasn’t our dog, it wasn’t Finn. It was a Great Pyrenees dog that was extremely skinny and had some medical issues. Perhaps Finn is still out there somewhere like that trying to survive. There is that small string tied to hope coming up again. I better move on.

Sheep/Lambs

The remaining sheep and lamb are doing really well. We moved forward with the plan for Mack guarding them. Charlotte was also in the same field and I let her off the tether after only a few days. She was so despondent I thought it was best. My instincts were correct for once in that situation. No more escaping. She stays pretty close, though she does still roam around various places on the property. I will eventually have to train her to stay within the perimeter.

I think Mack is beginning to bond with the sheep. Moving him out of the field next to the house has sealed that deal. Before that move, the sheep were with Mack and Charlotte, but the calves were also in that field. Mack immediately bonded with the calves, but not the sheep. Moving the dogs and sheep to a separate paddock from the calves seems to have worked. Fingers crossed, so far it has worked. The sheep are still wary of the dogs. It will likely take months and months for them to become comfortable with Mack. I mentioned in a previous podcast that he is food aggressive. He has chased them away from his food multiple times. We are working on a system where the dogs can have their food and the other animals cannot get to it. The sheep are easily chased away but we really want them to get along with the dogs. Eventually, all of the cows and sheep will be together and the cows are not so easily chased away. And truly, the dogs should not have to fight for their food. Yet another plan is a work in progress. Scott is working on that today.

Goats

I’ve gone back and forth about whether I want to bring goats back onto the homestead. I already decided that I want Kiko goats. They are very expensive goats. And when I say expensive, I mean very, very expensive. The kind of expense that would really hurt our finances.

I have put down a deposit on a trio of Kiko goats. It will be late summer, fall or even next spring before we have these goats. Two does and a buck as a starter herd is the plan. Not only is it imperative that the dogs begin guarding the sheep so I can feel confident they will guard the goats, but more training will be needed so that the dogs don’t harm the goats when they arrive. Thankfully, that is still quite a few months down the road. There should be plenty of time to get the dogs and sheep stabilized in their symbiotic relationship. Adding the goats will be just a short training period with the goats in the next field over where they can be seen but with no contact. After a few weeks, we would introduce them to the dogs with close supervision until we are comfortable that the dogs will accept them as part of the family.  

More on the goats as that time gets closer.

Cows/Calves

Luna went to a new home. We sold Luna and her bull calf to a lovely couple looking for a family milk cow that was not going to overwhelm them with milk. Luna was perfect for them. And her bull calf is going to be breeding their other cows. It was a great fit and I’m so glad that we could rehome her so well.

Since Luna is rehomed and Cookie finally had her calf, we are now milking three cows. Butter, Cookie and Claire. I make cheese on Mondays and the rest goes to the calves and fulfills the herd shares. All is going well with the cows at the moment.

AI for Spring 2023 Calves

AI for birthing in March has already started. We AI’d eight cows. By Monday we will know whether we need to try again with any of these girls. If we see signs of any of them coming into heat again, we call the vet and she will try again.

We also have a tentative plan to breed one or two in the fall so that we have milk year-round. Perhaps if only one or two do not take, we will let one slide and try again in December for births in September 2023. And there is always Cookie. She calved so late that she did not make it into the initial AI session. At the moment, she is already slated for December AI. Of course, we can still change our mind at any time until mid-July. AI can be done as late as Mid-July for projected births no later than mid-April 2023. There are always so many decisions to be made.  

Garden

I’ll briefly mention the garden. Finally, the entire garden is planted. Yesterday I put in the last of the winter squash and melon seeds. I may plant a few more flowers, but the veggie part is done.

Tomatoes, Lima Beans, Eggplant and Chard

I ended up with a lot more tomatoes than I had planned. Who knows that I am going to do with them? I have four beds of baby lima beans that are looking good. The eggplant is going to be stellar this year, as is the chard. The chard is pretty easy, but I must say I am more than pleased with the eggplant. I haven’t grown it in four or five years because of repeated failures. I had given up on being able to raise that vegetable. I’ll say it again, these plants look fantastic this year. This could be the year of my success with eggplant.

Summer Squash and Cucumber

I also planted cucumber and summer squash which is also a first for several years. They have never done well for me. We shall see how they progress. It is too early to tell how they are going to do. We only transplanted my plant starts less than a week ago. I see many of them catching on, but time will tell.

Onions and Herbs

The onions look fantastic. I also have cilantro, parsley, and peppers planted. The cilantro looks weak. That one I keep trying but cannot say I have been successful with it – YET. No basil. I only started Thai basil and I sold all of those plant starts at the farmer’s market. I may have to buy a plant or two of sweet basil just to refresh my stock of dried basil. We shall see.

Winter Squash/Pumpkin

The last few beds have winter squash and pumpkin. Some of those are from seed which has not yet sprouted. I hope to see a jungle of plants out there in the next month.  

Creamery

As far as the creamery, Scott and I (mostly Scott) are putting up the ceilings in the barn and milking parlor area. He has finally gotten caught up on all of his other tasks and is moving ahead with completing the creamery. As usual, we are behind schedule, but you know what?, we will keep plugging along. It will get done, but on God’s timeline and now ours. That’s about all I have to say about the creamery today. I hope to have lots of updates on this topic in the next podcast. Let’s get on to the topic of the day.

Raising Animal Protein

We have lots of resources that I’ve already talked about. As you can tell, there are always challenges, no matter how well you think you’ve laid out your plan. And every day brings new decisions that you never knew you would have to make. No matter how educated or prepared you think you are, just know that every day is a learning experience. You will never get it done, settled, never to change.

Large or Small to Start

Unless you have previous experience with large animals, cows may not be your first goto animal for raising protein. My suggestion is to start with something smaller. Sheep and goats are smaller, but even smaller than that are chickens. Chickens are always a great place for anyone to start. Comparatively, they are easy. In many places, you can raise chickens in your backyard. If you have an HOA, maybe not, you may have to forgo the chickens, but there are other options. I’ll talk about some in a moment.

The thing to keep in mind with chickens is whether you are looking for egg or meat protein – or both. If you are looking for both, check out dual purpose birds. There are many other factors to take into consideration, but this one is the most important.

Choosing Chickens

You don’t want to get caught up in exotic chickens, really cool looking chickens, that don’t produce the meat and eggs you require for your family. While many exotic-looking chickens can provide exactly what you need, it is important to check the statistics regarding the finished size of the bird and/or expected numbers of eggs per year. Some may be as little as 150 eggs per year, while others may produce nearly 300. Generally, the more eggs, the less body size. And vice-versa. More body size can produce significantly few eggs. It’s not 100% true, but a good rule of thumb. Rely on the published statistics for your chosen breed. While you may not buy from Stromberg’s or McMurray’s (those are the two biggest outfits that I know), they are a great resource for comparing one breed to another. They each have lots and lots of information about the chicken breeds they carry. It really helps in making your decision. Then you can choose who and where to get the chicks for your enterprise.

Once you’ve chosen your breed, the internet, in general, is your resource for details. Search engines are amazing for providing answers to specific questions. Just today, I looked up the age at which my chickens should start laying. For the Bresse it can be as early as four months old, while the Marans can be as late as six months old. I didn’t really consider that in my decision for which breed to choose, but it may be an important stat for you. How quickly can you begin to get eggs? Which breeds may have health issues? Are there any climate issues to consider based on where you live in the country? And so on. Choose your breed, but then read up on it to make sure it will be a good fit for you. And as always, you may make a mistake and need to start again. No problem. You won’t be able to think of every single question and get every choice correct the first time. As I said, every day is a learning experience.

You may consider ducks, though often we keep ducks just because they are cute and not so much for meat. Having said that, they do provide good meat and they come with their own set of challenges related to water. I don’t have any and can’t provide much more information than that. They always seem like more trouble than they are worth. Your mileage may vary.

Rabbits and Quail

Other small animals to consider are rabbits and quail. Both of these can be grown in the smallest of environments. And an HOA will likely not even know you have them as long as you keep the manure cleaned up regularly. Both tend to produce a lot of odors from excrement. Out here, I can get away with any amount of odor I can stand. In an apartment or HOA subdivision, you will need to find ways to dispose of the manure likely on a daily basis. As with all animals, there is learning to be done, but both of these animals are relatively easy to raise.

Goats and Sheep

I would say that the next largest animals up the scale are goats and sheep. Obviously, you need some land for this. I can’t imagine any HOA allowing grazing animals in your yard. But you also don’t need a huge amount of acreage for just a few sheep or goats. You will need fencing. If you keep them close to you, a family dog can often provide deterrents to predators such as other dogs and a coyote or two. An acre or two of good pasture will suffice for one to five goats and/or sheep. Of course, it depends on where you live, but supplementing with hay is always an option if you don’t have the grazing space. You’ll likely need hay even if you have the acreage.

Pigs

Next up would be pigs. We haven’t given these guys a try yet, but it is only a matter of time. We have been so focused on the cows, sheep and goats that we simply haven’t had the time to get this enterprise started. You can also keep one pig in a relatively small area. They are generally friendly and easy to work with from everything I’ve seen. Of course, it depends on the particular animal. You could end up with a mean or unruly animal. Just like humans, there are all kinds of personalities out there. Visit the farm where you plan to purchase your pigs and see how they interact with them. Is the breed you are considering a docile breed? Will it do well on pasture. Sad as it is, there are some breeds that will require some confinement and lots of feed to live and grow. They have been bred to thrive in that environment. If you have woods, you have a great environment for raising pigs more naturally. This is another animal with which I have no experience, so I’m not going to say more here. Just listing it as an option for animal protein sources.  

Bovine Animals

If you are into the big animals, cows and even bison might be a good choice for you. Even with a cow, you can get by on a couple of acres. You’ll need more or less hay according to where you live. And as an aside, all of this info is for the US. I am definitely not your resource for anywhere outside the continental US. And I don’t have any info on raising bison, but there are plenty of them available out in the Oklahoma and Texas areas. They are a big, scary animal but it’s definitely doable. Check out Arms Family Homestead for info on bison.

How Much Do You Need?

Anyway, as far as beef, one butchered cow will provide protein for at least a family of four for a year. It depends on how much meat that your family consumes and that in turn depends on their ages. A couple of teenagers and you need the whole cow. If your children are younger, you might only need ½ a cow. And you will need to factor in what other animal protein sources you have chosen to raise.

Now that I am on that subject, I’ll give you our stats and you can perhaps scale it up for you and your family. For the two of us in a year we plan for as much as ¼ cow, ½ pig, 1 lamb and 1 goat. That amount changes depending on which animals we have available at any given time. But if all things were equal, that is what I plan for the two of us for a year’s worth of animal protein. Add to that lots and lots and lots of eggs from the chickens. As far as chicken meat, I don’t have a very good idea of how much we consume. Unfortunately, I’ve been buying them at the grocery store at irregular times. Usually, when I’m shopping and think, “gee, I haven’t had chicken in a while” and then I buy one of those rotisserie ones. All of that is coming to an end soon, thank God. At the moment we don’t eat a lot of chicken simply because it requires that trip to town.

I’ve heard others plan the number of meat chickens from one a week to one a month. There are 52 weeks in the year and 12 months. Your needs will fall in there somewhere. And all of that has to change if chickens and rabbits are your main source of animal protein. You might need two a week or some other number. Make your best guess and then adjust each year as you narrow those numbers down for your changing family situation. Again, your plans will change as you learn.

Final Thoughts

That’s it for today’s podcast. I’m changing my schedule to make it easier for me to publish podcasts more often. There is always so much going on and the animals and gardens have first priority – and of course getting that creamery up and running. We will get there eventually. In the meantime, I’m assessing how I use my time and opening up more opportunities to share our homestead updates and a little bit of wisdom on how you might get started.

God willing, I think I’ve given you enough basics on animal protein sources to get you started. Shoot me an email with any questions you have about getting starting with growing your own animal protein for food. I’m always happy to take a few moments to respond. Tell me what you are trying to accomplish and I will try and provide some guidance or at the very least, where to find more information.

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  Check out this episode!

[queen-haq]

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Rating: R for language and smut.

Words: ~3000 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost...

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5   Part 6   Part 7   Part 8   Part 9  

Part 10   Part 11   Part 12

gif credit: @bilyrusso

Part 13

It was 8 in the evening and you were still in the office. You hadn’t accomplished much work today, your mind mostly focused on Billy. You were surprised by how quickly he’d been able to make the funeral arrangements for his mother. Yesterday you had driven over to the nursing home and by the time you reached there, Carla Russo’s body had already been picked up. You’d signed a few papers for Billy and picked up the remainder of Carla’s things before you returned home. Everything of hers was packed into a small suitcase and sitting in your living room. You wanted to call him, ask him how he was and offer your support, but he seemed determined to do everything on his own when you’d talked to him last and you didn’t want to intrude.

You gave yourself a mental shake, reminding yourself to concentrate. This workday had been a wash. When you weren’t distracted by thoughts of Billy, you were putting out fires in your team. At least the personnel conflicts have been temporarily resolved, but now you needed to work on a slide deck that you’d been tasked with presenting to the executive leadership committee later in the week.

An hour later you were halfway done with your presentation when your phone rang. You glanced down at your screen to find Billy’s name on the screen. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He sounded exhausted. “You still at work?”

“Yeah. How did you know?”

There was a pause. “You give off the workaholic vibe.”

You smiled to yourself; at least he was okay enough to crack jokes. “How are you?”

“You mean am I grieving over a goddamn dead woman who preferred meth to her own fucking son?” He sighed. “No big loss. I’m fine.”

Anger and hurt saturated his voice despite his attempts to sound unaffected. Your heart hurt for him, you wished there was something you could do. “Do you need anything?”

“The funeral service is tomorrow.” A beat of silence followed. “Do you want to come?”

“Sure. What time?”

“2pm.”

“I’ll take the day off. Do you need my help with anything? Maybe I can call some of her friends?”

“When I found her she was living on the streets, barely alive but still hooked on meth. I doubt she’s got any friends.”

“What about the people in the nursing home? Maybe they want to come?”

“No, I don’t want anyone else there. Just you.”

Not liking the warmth that spread through you upon hearing his words, you reminded yourself he was probably feeling unusually vulnerable. This wasn’t typical of him.

“Do you want to come over?” he asked.

You exhaled a heavy sigh. “I would but I have so much work to do. I’ll be here for another hour at least.”

“Come over after you’re done.”

“It’ll be really late.”

“That’s fine. I can wait.”

“I can stop by my place to pick up your mom’s-.”

“No, it’s okay.”

You realized he wasn’t quite ready to go through Carla’s belongings yet.

“Bring your stuff with you.”

“Stuff?”

“Overnight bag, clothes for tomorrow, whatever.”

“Oh. You want me to stay over?”

“Yeah, might as well. We can drive over together for the service tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Despite the conversation coming to a natural end, he wasn’t hanging up. It seemed as if he was reluctant to be alone, probably because that meant dealing with the complicated emotions for his mother. You knew exactly how that felt. “If you want, I can leave now. I can work from your apartment instead of the office.”

“You’re not worried I’ll be tempted to spy on Valiant stuff?” he teased.

You smiled. “As if I’d let you see what I’m working on.”

“Guess no corporate espionage for me tonight.”

“Still going to keep you away from my laptop.”

He chuckled. “Just get here. I promise not to bug you while you work.”

“Okay. I’m leaving now.”

“See you soon.”

After you hung up, you started gathering your things together.

***

An hour later, you were at his place. When he opened the door, you immediately grew concerned at how tired he looked. Traveling back and forth from Vegas plus dealing with the news about Carla’s death within the last few hours meant he was absolutely exhausted.

“Hey,” he greeted you, smiling as he took the overnight bag from your hands.

You removed your heels while he took your bag inside his room and then made your way to his living room. While his penthouse suite was much bigger than yours, you actually didn’t like it very much. Despite the high-end finishes and the beautiful interiors - Billy had obviously hired a designer to make the place look good - it always felt very cool and inhospitable to you. It was too perfect and you always felt out of place inside the suite.

“You hungry?” he asked, coming up behind you. “I ordered dinner for you.” Arms encircling your waist, he dropped a kiss on the back of your head as he maneuvered you to the kitchen. He’d laid out the food for you on the dining table, and from the take-out containers you knew it was from one of your favourite Indian restaurants. The thoughtful gesture surprised you, you weren’t used to that from him. Noting that he’d only set the table for one, you turned around to look at him. “You’re not going to eat with me?”

“I ate already. I was starving. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” You cradled his face with one hand, your eyes roving over his beautiful face as he placed a kiss on the fleshy part of your palm. “You look exhausted. Did you even sleep?”

“No” He leaned back against the kitchen counter, weary. For a moment he closed his eyes, simply holding still, and you found yourself wrapping your arms around him in a hug. You didn’t understand why you’d even initiated the embrace – hugs were never your thing – but seeing him so beaten-down you were desperate to comfort him. He leaned into you, his body flushed against yours, and you held him tight. Stroking the nape of his neck, you placed a soft kiss on the center of his forehead. “Why don’t you take a nap while I work?”

“You don’t mind?”

You smiled up at him, running your fingers through his hair. “At least I don’t have to worry about you stealing my company secrets while you sleep.”

He smirked. “You’ll be here when I wake up?”

“Yup. Probably still working away.”

Billy grazed your temple softly before dropping a tender kiss on the tip of your nose. “Okay, but eat first.”

You nodded your head, watching after him as he sauntered out of the kitchen and disappeared down the hallway.

Sighing, you went to the sink to wash your hands before eating.

***

It was after midnight and you were still working on your slide deck when you heard Billy puttering around in the bathroom. Soon he slowly made his way towards you, dressed in a t-shirt and black boxers, his hair all messy. He yawned lazily, falling onto the other end of the couch.

“I thought you’d sleep through the night,” you remarked.

“Are you still working?” he asked.

“Almost done.” You saved the file and shut off the laptop before slipping it back inside your bag.

Suddenly he pulled you closer and you found yourself tucked underneath him on the couch as he glanced down at you from above. “You work too hard.”

You smiled up at him. “They don’t pay me the big bucks to sit there and look pretty.”

A slow, incandescent smile curved his lips. “I would. If I ran Valiant, you’d be my personal stress relief. You’d be in my office the entire time and do nothing but look pretty and service me.”

“That’s sexual harassment.”

Billy shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever. I’d make it worth your while.”

You laughed, angling up to kiss him. “Your breath is all minty fresh.”

“I brushed my teeth for you.”

“Wow. Be still my heart.”

A warm grin covered his face as he shifted down your body to nuzzle your neck. His weight was heavy as he rested atop you, but you liked the solid feel of him on you, the way you felt all safe and warm. You stroked his hair while he drew lazy circles on your chest, the silence between you two comforting.

“No one knows about her. Not Frank, not Curtis, no one.”

Those names were familiar to you because Billy had mentioned them in passing a few times. Of course he’d never shared any other info, but you being you, you’d dug around and found out more about them. You knew they’d served with Billy and he considered them his closest friends.

“When I found her three years ago, I put her in that home and forgot all about her.”

“You visited her every week,” you reminded him.

“Because I wanted her to regret abandoning me. I wanted her to see how far I’d come, I wanted to throw her mistakes in her face. But I don’t think she regretted safe-havening me, not even a bit.”

The bitter pain in his voice made your heart hurt for him.

“Maybe I should be happy she’s finally dead, or maybe I’m supposed to be sad or something.”

“How do you actually feel?”

“Nothing. I feel nothing.”

“Billy, I think that’s normal. There’s no right or wrong in this. All of your feelings are valid.”

“Even if her dying made me absolutely ecstatic? You wouldn’t think I was a fucking psychopath?”

“You are a psychopath but not because you have conflicting emotions about your terrible mother dying. You have the right to feel how you feel about her, whatever that might be.”

Eyes blazing with emotion, he hovered about you to meet your gaze. “Then what makes me a psychopath?”

You quirked your eyebrow. “The fact you want to torture my dates.”

“Not just torture, I want to kill them.” Eyes darkened, voice velvety-smooth, he covered your mouth with his and ravaged you with a kiss that left you thrumming and breathless.

“Only you’re allowed to touch me?” you asked through labored breaths.

“Yes.” His voice was a lustful rasp, his mouth leaving a heated trail as he sucked on the oh-so-sensitive corner of where your neck and shoulder intersected. Sparks of electricity ran down your spine. “Only me.”

You took his hand and guided it down your body, parting your thighs for him.

Like always, you were soon completely lost in the erotic pleasure of his mouth on you. Your legs hooked over his shoulders, your hands grabbed the back of the couch for support as he fucked you with his hands and mouth, sucking you, licking you, his tongue flicking over your clit until you were keening under him. Body arching off the couch, you moaned his name louder and louder until he drove you completely over the edge.

Then you felt a light slap on your cunt which immediately brought you back to reality. Opening your eyes, you found Billy perched between your legs, gracing you with the most wicked smile. “That’s one.” He slapped your pussy again, this time his long, lean fingers ever so slightly grazing your clit and your hips bucked, wanting more. “As promised.” His eyebrow quirked up. “Punishment.”

“Not fair,” you protested. “I’ll date who I want.”

He slapped you again, a little harder this time, but then he leaned down to place comforting kisses on the very spots he assaulted and you moaned with pleasure.

“All of you.” His tongue lapped over your clit, eyes locked with yours. “Belongs to me. I own you.”

“You don’t!” You squealed when he flipped you over unexpectedly, grabbing you by the hips so your ass was lifted of the couch. And then he squeezed your butt cheeks, biting them lightly before he started rimming you.

***

After sharing a shower the two of you were laying in his bed, your back pressed against his chest as you both stared up at the ceiling. His one hand was intertwined with yours, the other arm circled around your hips. The two of you didn’t have sex but you didn’t mind. You were both fatigued.

“I smell like you now,” you murmured, realizing the soap in his shower had left its scent on you.

“I know. I like it.” He squeezed your fingers. “I have a present for you.”

“I hope it’s not earrings again.”

He chuckled. “No, not earrings.”

“What is it then?”

“Jewelry.”

You turned back to look at him. “What? Like a necklace?”

“Something like that. Except I’m the only one who’ll see you wearing it.”

“Ah. And where is this gift?”

He kissed the top of your head. “Not here yet.”

You smiled to yourself. “People usually wait until they have the gift in hand before telling others about it.”

“I couldn’t wait. I’m excited to see you wear it.”

He stroked your hair, and your eyes grew heavy. Soon you started falling into deep slumber, feeling calm, comforted by Billy’s arms around you.

“What happened with your family?”

Your eyes flew open. Like always, any mention of your family unfurled anxiety within you. You didn’t like thinking about them letting alone discussing them. “They passed away.”

“They’re dead?”

“Yes.”

“Both of them?”

“Yes.”

He pulled you up so you were facing him now, his intoxicating gaze completely focused on you. “That day when I asked you about the pictures, you said you weren’t close to your family.”

“I meant my extended family. I don’t keep in touch with them,” you replied smoothly.

“What were your parents like?”

Irritation surged through you at his obtrusive questions but you had to remind yourself he just lost his mother. He was feeling out-of-sorts, working through his grief – even if he didn’t think so – and he was reaching out to the only person in his life that knew about his mother. “Normal.”

He simply stared at you for a long time, studying you, saying nothing. “Normal,” he repeated, finally breaking the strained silence.

You shrugged your shoulders, dropping your gaze to the base of his throat so you didn’t have to hold his piercing stare. “Yup.”

“How did they die?”

“Car accident.”

“You miss them?”

“Of course,” you lied.

He reached out to cup your face, his thumb stroking your cheek. “So you grew up with great parents, white picket fence and all that bullshit? Sounds like you had a fairytale childhood.”

“Can we talk about this tomorrow? I’m really tired.”

“Sure. I’ll add this to the list of all the other shit we’ll talk about someday.”

He sounded almost angry with you and you weren’t sure why. Before you could question him, however, he pulled you close so you were snuggled against his chest and the warmth of his body was enough to silence your brain and lull you to sleep.

***

It was a cold, crisp autumn day in New York. The outdoor service, attended by only you and Billy, was short and quick. Throughout it, he’d gripped your hand even though he’d been outwardly calm and collected. Even now as he stood a few feet away from you, impeccably dressed in a black suit, his dark eyes hidden behind a pair of aviator sunglasses as he stared out at the pond, you sensed he was a complete mess inside. You didn’t know what to say to him so you simply sat on the bench, both of you in an isolated corner of the garden. Eventually he came to sit beside you, taking your hand in his.

“I’d have given her the whole world.” His voice was filled with pain and longing as he removed his sunglasses and tucked them in the upper pocket of his suit. “I would have given her anything she ever wanted.” Billy’s eyes met yours. “If she’d just wanted me.”

You scooted closer to wrap your arms around him, breathing him in as he sunk into you. His hands caressed your back, his grip on you so tight you almost couldn’t breathe. After a while he rested his forehead against yours, his eyes holding you prisoner in front of him.

“Swear to me you’ll never leave.”

“Billy-”

“Promise me!”

“I can’t.”

“It wasn’t a fucking request, Y/N.”

You tried to pull away from him but he fisted the back of your hair, holding you in place.

The raw urgency in his voice played havoc with your emotions. If you closed your eyes, just for a moment, you could shut out all the doubts in your head and simply believe him - but you could only live the fantasy for a short moment before reality forced its way back in. “You don’t mean those words, Billy.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because you don’t feel that strongly about me.”

His eyes narrowed, glaring at you with hostility. “You’re gonna tell me how I feel?”

“I’m not what you want.”

“And what do you think I want?”

You gave him a sad smile. “The best of everything. Best car, best clothes, the most beautiful women in your arms. You want all that because you need others to want what you have.”

“Is that so wrong?”

You shook your head. “No, there’s nothing wrong with that – except I don’t fit into any of those categories. You want a woman like Dinah Madani. I’m not her. So eventually this thing between us will end.”

His jaw was set in a grim line, eyes burning bright with rage. “So you have me all figured out, huh?”

“Don’t get mad. You know it’s the truth.”

He yanked you closer, crushing you against him. “It’s been me against the world for as long as I can remember. But when I look at you.” His eyes softened, mouth parting as his dark gaze roamed over your face. “I don’t feel alone anymore.”

Your heart melted. The tenuous handle you had on your self-control disintegrated completely. You closed your mouth over his, kissing him frantically as he picked you up and straddled you across his lap.

He pulled back to look at you. “You’re my home. You’re all I need.”

Part 14

A/N - As always, all of your feedback, comments, asks, likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated. They truly inspire me to keep writing, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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#billy russo x reader #billy russo #ben barnes #the punisher #billy russo imagine

[pippytmi]

16 + 4 + 2 (werewolf supercorp?)

It is not uncommon for Kara to wake up in a puddle of blood.

At this point she is immune to the shock that comes with it, really. She has adapted; knows all the best tricks to get stains out of her clothes, knows all the best laundromats that don’t ask any questions. Heck, she even has Alex’s ex-girlfriend on speed dial, just in case there is a freak chance the blood Kara wakes up in might be human (it has not happened yet, knock on wood).

But there are other parts that still take some getting used to. Like, for example, the loss of memory that comes with every night of the full moon. Because yeah, she understands why she wakes up in a pool of blood. What she doesn’t understand is why this time around she wakes up in a pool of her own blood, and in so much pain that it hurts to open her eyes.

“Ow,” Kara whispers to herself, twisting onto her side with a groan. Her clothes are gone—no surprise—but even as she is laying down on the cold, rocky forest floor, the only thing she can focus on is how much her head hurts. She’s dealt with branch scratches, sore legs and arms, the occasional plethora of bug bites, but never a headache. Her one comfort is that at least she has made it into the backyard of Sam’s cabin. It takes a considerable amount of strength to push herself up off the ground; walking is going to be much harder than anticipated.

If Alex saw her now, she'd—well first she would hit Kara over the head and yell at her about being dumb, but afterwards she would snicker. And probably hit her over the head again for good measure.

“Oh my God—!”

Okay, it’s official. Kara is now dead. Even if the stranger gawking at her is not the one who kills her, Alex definitely will.

And it’s that thought that makes Kara drop right back down on the floor, knocking the wind right out of her lungs, and she groans into the dirt pitifully.

“Oh, fuck,” the stranger whispers, almost as if to herself, scrambling to come to Kara’s side. “Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck this shit. Fuck!” Said stranger belatedly claps a hand over her mouth, green eyes widening in horror. “Holy shit, are you alive?”

Kara pitifully rests her cheek against the ground and tries not to look too offended. “Uh, kind of,” she replies. (So this must not be Sam’s cabin, then.) “Sorry. Am I in your yard? It is a very nice yard. Five stars.”

“No, it’s not my—I’m house-sitting,” the woman explains, though she is giving Kara a look that says really? That’s what you want to focus on right now?

“Well, it’s still a nice place,” Kara says, because she is polite and small talk is always a good thing to fall back on when you’re naked on a pile of dead leaves. “Wait, I don’t suppose you’re house-sitting for Sam, are you? Sam Arias, super tall, has a daughter who is freakishly good at checkers?”

Stranger-who-swears-like-a-sailor frowns. “How do you know Sam?” she asks suspiciously.

“She dated my sister. It was a whole—it’s a thing,” Kara says. “You know?”

“Wait. Are you Kara? Are you Alex’s sister?”

“Yes! So you do know!” Kara would grin if her face were capable of any emotion besides mind-shattering pain. “Then you must be Sam’s friend…uh, bear with me…Lena? Or Jess?”

“Lena,” says the woman, still notably wary, so Kara makes the decision to wiggle until she can prop herself up her elbows and look less, well, like a corpse.

“Hey, got it in one!” Kara says as cheerfully as she can muster. “Well, it’s nice to meet you. And can I just—uh, say—that you don’t have to worry. I won’t die here or anything. I know you would obviously be the number one suspect for murder and it wouldn’t be nice of me to put you through that.”

“…right. Never mind that you would be dead, or anything.” Lena begins to shakily unbutton her coat like a woman possessed, as if her doubt has morphed entirely into concern now that she has confirmation the freak naked in Sam’s backyard is not an entire stranger. “Here, this is long enough to cover you. Do you—do you need help getting up?”

“No, no, I’ve got it, thank you,” Kara insists, and gradually, she manages; she shifts sideways and then tentatively onto her butt, and accepts the coat when it’s all but thrown at her face. There is blood mixed in with the leaves and general guck beneath her, and she winces at the sight. “I’ll come back and clean this later,” she’s quick to add, and Lena frowns in response.

“Are you serious? Forget cleaning, you need—stitches, at the very least. I can take you to the hospital if—”

“Oh no, you don’t have to do that!” Kara blurts out, and with the adrenaline from that burst of energy she’s able to scramble to her feet. She is shaky, unsteady, but she manages to stay upright at least and she’ll count that as a win. “Shoot. I’m sorry for yelling. I just—no hospitals. I can’t do hospitals.” She has never had to form an excuse for this, and her mouth can’t quite wrap around the right words.

But Lena—green eyes wide and unsure, skin pale in the early morning light—nods, like she understands. “Okay,” she says. “No hospitals.”

“Thanks,” Kara mumbles, wrapping the coat tightly around herself. There are startling black spots in her vision and her head still feels like it was used as a piñata; she wonders what the heck her next move should be now. If Sam needs someone to house-sit, she must be out of the city. And if Sam is out of the city, Kara can’t exactly waltz into Sam’s house to wash all the blood off her body (and then call up Alex from the couch while stealing whatever ice cream Ruby picked). Sam lets her do that, sure, but that’s Sam. It would be pretty rude to do that when Lena is right here.

“Do you…” And Lena pauses, nose scrunching up as if something has just occurred to her. “I can give you a ride somewhere else, if you’d like. Back to your house?”

“No, that’s okay,” Kara hurries to decline, because how can she really explain that she lives in an apartment, and that if little old Mrs. Jensen saw her coming up covered in blood she’d finally succumb to her third heart attack? “Can I just use Sam’s phone to call my sister? Then I’ll come right back out here, I promise.”

“Why would you come back out here again?” Underneath her coat, Lena is wearing plaid pajama pants that are rolled at the ankle (Sam’s, most likely), and a tank top that is extremely fitted. Very, very well fitted. Like, you-can-tell-it’s-frigidly-cold-outside-kind-of-fitted.

Kara coughs and tries not to let on how her train of thought has twisted. “Because…I’m a stranger?” she tries. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Remember, if you die I’m going to be the first one they question,” Lena says, tilting her head expectantly in the direction of Sam’s cabin. “Come inside, warm up. Call your sister.” All things considered, she is far more concerned than Kara expected her to be—as if, somehow, ridding herself of the weirdo walking around bloody and probably concussed isn’t the very first thing on Lena’s mind.

So Kara doesn’t look a gift horse in the mouth; she accepts the offer. It’s a small comfort that if she really does get murdered by a total stranger, it won’t be while cold and naked.

Lena goes right into Sam’s room the instant they go inside, already gathering a million outfits for Kara to pick through. “The shower is fickle, but it does have hot water,” she says, adding a towel to the pile in Kara’s arms when she re-emerges. “You just have to—”

“Hit the wall twice, and give it a few seconds,” Kara finishes. “Yeah, Sam reminds me every time.”

“So you…visit Sam often, do you?”

“Uh.” And suddenly, despite the long, cold night she’s had, the air indoors feels a bit warmer than is comfortable. “Only sometimes.” Once a month, Kara thinks, and Lena crosses her arms and just stares.

Really stares, dragging those sharp green eyes up and down Kara’s whole body. Squints at the scratches on her face, scrunches her nose at the way Kara awkwardly shifts from side to side. Finally Lena speaks, and it’s only to say, “It’s you, isn’t it?”

“...come again?”

“It’s you. Sam told me she’s been helping out a friend with a—furry predicament—”

If it were possible to choke on air, Kara would be dead right now. “Did she really call it furry? But she’s also—!” She has to pause, now, because she feels an urge to clarify, “Wait. Are we talking about the same thing right now?”

Lena narrows her eyes slightly. “You mean talking about how you’re a werewolf?”

“Oh!” Head lighter, Kara sucks in a laugh that makes her ribs feel like they are splintering open. “Then yes. That’s good, I didn’t want you to think I was a—anyway. I didn’t think Sam told anyone.”

“Sam and I have been friends for a long time,” Lena says slowly. A beat. “She actually ate my hamster once.”

Kara winces. “Recently?”

“No! Back in the fifth grade,” Lena frowns, like she might’ve added dumbass at the end of the sentence. “I’m a grown woman. I don’t own hamsters.”

“What? Come on, having pets isn’t just a kid thing,” Kara says. “I used to have a cat, but he…”

“Oh my God, you ate him?”

Kara’s jaw drops. “What—no! He turned out to already have an owner, so she took him back. He just liked to wander into my apartment.” She hugs the clothing pile tighter to her chest, and tries her hardest to scowl. “I’m responsible, okay? Most of the time. I’m not dangerous.”

“Except to deer, or rabbits, or whatever else you killed last night?” Lena quirks an eyebrow, but surprisingly not in a manner that’s judge-y. Just…curious.

“Right,” Kara says defeatedly, and her head throbs enough that her grip on Sam’s clothes begins to falter. “Sorry. I wasn't trying to be defensive or anything.”

“That's alright.” And stranger still, Lena reaches out to gently touch the side of Kara’s head. “So does the same thing happen to you?”

“Huh?” The proximity has scrambled Kara’s brain momentarily, and she finds herself unthinkingly holding her breath.

“Do you also black out,” Lena clarifies. “Like Sam does, every time she shifts.”

“Oh. Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s—a universal wolf thing,” Kara says.

Lena hums, and her hand retracts. “And are you a serial killer in wolf form?”

“Uh, I hope not? I’m pretty sure all this is…” Kara gestures over her body with one hand, still hugging the pile of clothes with the other. “Not human.”

“Okay.” Lena casually walks away, but pauses to throw over her shoulder, “I’ll help you clean up your head once you’re out of the shower. I’ve helped Sam a hundred times.”

“Are you—do you have some kind of healing magic, or—”

“Close. I’m an ER nurse,” Lena says amusedly, and when she smiles a dimple emerges on one cheek. “All the witches I know have fled the city, so I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

“You joke, but Alex dated this witch once, and she hexed my sister to spill her first sip of coffee every time she went to take a drink for three weeks straight after they broke up,” Kara says, and Lena again scrunches her nose in that quizzical way.

“Seriously? Witches are real too?”

“Duh,” Kara says lightly. “What, you thought it stopped at werewolves? Please. I’m pretty sure the neighbor two doors down is a gorgon.”

“Well, it would explain her fondness of statues,” Lena says, strangely nonplussed. “I’ve never asked, but I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at this point. How do you take your coffee?” As she asks, Lena deposits a few fingers of whiskey into a mug, and at Kara’s questioning look says, “Sorry, we’re all out of painkillers. This is as good as you’re going to get.”

“Maybe I’ll do better if it’s straight,” Kara says, unable to hide her grimace, while Lena shrugs a shoulder as if to say it’s your funeral.

So after Kara showers, she sits on the couch and sips gross whiskey out of a chipped mug that reads World’s Best Mom in bright pink letters. Lena has turned on the TV to the local news station—clearly she has stayed with Sam before—and a man on screen is recounting a tale of how he hit a giant wolf strolling too close to his farm with a baseball bat.

“If I had my shotgun I would’ve killed the fucker,” he swears, red in the face, and above her Lena gives a little scoff.

“What a dick,” Lena says, her hand steadily stitching up the wound on Kara’s scalp, and her voice has a hint of an accent; it’s really cute, actually, and Kara doesn’t even mind that the next poke of the needle is sharper than the others.

It is the strangest morning Kara has ever had. Drinking whiskey before eight in the morning, with a kind stranger who she’s barely met but is suturing her skin together, who smells faintly of lavender soap and strong black coffee.

“—National City is not safe when wolves are wandering close to homes—”

The scent of rich hot chocolate bubbling on the stove is beginning to fill the room, the ancient pipes are rumbling throughout the walls, and Lena’s fingers are soft against her head. Kara closes her eyes and decides that she will wait a little longer before she calls Alex to pick her up.

#i tried my best but tbh i dont know much of werewolf lore ? so i tried to go w/these two being soft #& autumn vibes of course #supercorp #supergirl #i need a fic tag #writing a meet messy is HARD idk how to make them cute !!

[lubdubsworld]

物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)

Characters : Alpha! Jungkook x Omega ! OC.

Genre : Arranged Marriage / Temporary contractual Marriage.

Warnings : Non- Con/ Extremely Dubious Consent . High functioning alcoholism. Genre related consent issues. Implied suicidal thoughts.

Summary : A recently widowed Jungkook agrees to a contract marriage to keep his company afloat. His grief overwhelms him and it is hard to look at his new wife as anything other than an intruder .

[  Author’s Note :  物の哀れ ~ Mono no aware can be translated as ‘the sadness of things’. It comes from the words 物 (mono – thing) and 哀れ (aware – poignancy or pathos). The ‘sadness’ in question comes from an awareness of the transience of things, as taught by Zen Buddhism. When we view something exceptionally beautiful, we might feel sad because we know it won’t stay so beautiful forever – but appreciation only heightens the pleasure we take in the beautiful thing in that moment. ]

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Chapter 3

“Yoongi left a bunch of painkillers for you. He said you can take up to three per day.” Jin said calmly , carefully slipping the sleeves of my t shirt over my wrist as i held my arms out for him. He slipped the shirt over my head gently but his arms hit my shoulders, jostling me.   I swallowed the whimper of pain that shot through me at the movement. Mina was now awake, happily wiggling around on her rocker. 

It was a little past seven in the evening and Jungkook wasn’t due to arrive for another hour . 

“I could sleep on a bed of rusty nails right now. I’m so tired and i don’t know why. “ I whispered, staying still as he carefully drew the fabric down over my ribs, before stepping back. 

“I’ll sleep in the nursery with her. You should take the bed. You’re in no shape to be up and taking care of her when she wakes up. Jungkook’s asked me to stay here during the day because I’m not going to be performing for a couple months anyway and I’ve been losing my mind, rattling around that huge ass mansion all by myself. ” 

The phone rang, startling both of us. 

I groaned before moving to get up but Jin oppa held a hand up.

“Stay in bed. I’ll go see who it is.” 

I watched him disappear out of the room, settling back against the pillows and reaching for the ice pack in the small cooler by the bed. I had to ice my ribs every hour or so and while it didn’t seem to be helping much, I definitely appreciated the temporary numbness it offered. 

Jungkook’s guilt had driven a new wedge between us and he hadn’t so much as looked at me in three days. 

I wasn’t sure entirely if this was a good or bad thing. The fact that he seemed to be considering that he had to get his emotions under control to stop hurting the people around him was a welcome change. But the idea of going back to being ignored and treated like furniture , wasn’t really all that appealing. 

“Jungkook’s parents are on the way.” Jin’s voice broke through my reverie and i jumped. 

I resisted the urge to sob out loud . 

Mr and Mrs. Jeon were on the opposite side of the grief spectrum and just as annoying. 

Where Sooah’s parents were intent on making Jungkook remember their daughter as often as possible, Jungkook’s parents were intent on making him forget her. 

The only thing the two of them had in common was a burning hatred for me. 

Jungkook’s parents had wanted him to quit the company and sell it when it went into loss but Jungkook had categorically refused because that would result in all of his employees getting laid off, and back then Jungkook had been nothing if not ridiculously compassionate. Jungkook’s parents firmly believed that if it hadn’t been for me, their son would be back in Busan, letting them raise their granddaughter. 

“Great, that’s great. Did you tell them their son is not around?” I grimaced. I’d only met them three times in total and the last time was in the hospital two months ago when Jungkook had crashed in the middle of a board meeting, weeks of starving and dehydration catching up to him. It hadn’t been a pleasant experience, getting cursed out in front of the doctors and nurses and it probably won’t be any fun in the privacy of my home either. 

Jin gave me a sympathetic smile. 

“He’s already told them he’s on the way. I’m going to take Mina out on a walk. Give you guys some privacy. Shoot me a text when they leave.” he said gently. 

“Can’t I come with?” I begged and he laughed. 

“That would be a bad idea, even if it weren’t for the cracked rib. Just relax. Smile and nod and let them spew whatever nonsense they want and then they’ll leave. ” 

I opened my mouth to tell him how many flaws there were in his plan when the doorbell rang. 

“And that’s my cue. Text me, yeah?” Jin moved to pick Mina up from the rocker before reaching for the baby carrier on the table. 

I debated the pros and cons of staying in bed and finally decided against it, gently throwing my legs off the edge and raising myself up to a sitting position. I heard vague voices by the front door, Jin’s sweet tones mingling with Jungkook’s slightly gruffer ones. 

I heard the door close and the stillness of the apartment was as oppressing as ever. I could hear him quite clearly though. The clink of the keys as they hit the bowl, the small click of the door as he locked it. 

i could imagine him, exhausted from the day’s work, briefcase held in one hand while the other tugged on the knot of his tie. 

I imagined for a second, what it must have been like for him with Sooah. She was a bright , incredibly cheerful person. Everyone kind of faded into the background when she was around. Sooah had always been the first to smile at a stranger, the first to laugh even if the joke wasn’t funny. The first one to stand up to help someone in need. 

I swallowed, clutching the sheets to ground myself. 

I guessed that she must’ve always rushed to greet him at the door. I could imagine him wrapping both arms around her waist, drawing her into a hug or even a kiss. 

 How was your day, Kookie?  (I’d heard her call him that, once when they had been at my father’s house for a charity dinner. )

I wondered if perhaps the very sight of her would have taken away all of the day’s exhaustion from him. Perhaps, he would forget all the ways his company had been failing back then at the sight of her beautiful laughing face. Perhaps losing his company hadn’t been as terrifying as losing his job.  

And perhaps once he lost her, he just couldn’t bear the thought of losing his life’s work too. And so he’d agreed to meet my father’s demands. 

My fingers began trembling a bit .

I could imagine her moving around the house, pregnant and glowing, laughing as he nuzzled into the curve of her belly. Had he perhaps pressed his lips to her skin, whispered sweet endearments to his daughter through the fabric of his wife’s clothes? Had he perhaps loved Mina, deeply? WAs it just his grief that made it hard to be near his wife. Or was it perhaps me? Me holding the baby that should have been in his beautiful wife’s arms. 

The wife he had been so madly, deeply in love with. 

Love, I thought vacantly.

It wasn’t something I had ever felt, for anyone until I’d began caring for Mina.

But what Jungkook had with his wife was something different wasn’t it? 

The love a man had for a woman. Laced with desire, longing and passion. A love that made you put their happiness over your own.  

Love like that had never been in the cards for me. 

Ever

I was an Omega. Rare and hated and known for being selfish and greedy. People didn’t love my kind. They avoided me. They always assumed I would take advantage of them. My peers growing up had treated me with so much contempt. 

 The girls would whisper how I was trying to seduce their boyfriends. The boys would call me a tease, even when I stayed far away and did nothing to attract their attention. I’d gotten used to it. It didn’t bother me. it was the way of the world for me. Ad it wasn’t like I could honestly deny some of it. 

I looked at handsome alphas and wanted them. I wanted to be held and cherished. To be bought pretty things and cared for. It had taken decades for me to beat that part of mine into submission. To remind myself that if I ever let that part of me out, it would destroy me. 

But love? Being in love with someone? 

I didn’t know what that could have been like for Jungkook. 

Or maybe I had but I couldn’t recognize it because I’d never received it myself. Whatever the cause, it was for me, a fairytale. It was hard to imagine people loving each other so much, to the extent that they would die for each other. ( Jungkook’s words still hung in the back of my mind : that he had wanted to follow her even in death ) 

Jungkook was right.

I could never know what his loss was like. 

Because I would never know what he had lost. 

It felt a little like being dipped in an ice cold lake in the middle of winter. My skin broke out in shivers, hair standing on end and I felt my throat go dry so swiftly. I’d never wanted to run away so much. I wrapped a hand sound myself, scooting back on the bed again. I reached for the blanket, wanting to pull it over my head and curl into a ball. 

Shut out the world and all the things that didn’t make sense. 

“Are you alright?” Jungkook’s voice broke through the haze in my head and I swallowed. He had an alpha’s voice and my body responded even if my mind resisted. It didn’t happen all the time. Jungkook couldn’t control me. But sometimes when I was feeling vulnerable, instincts took over . I was already dropping the blanket and smiling softly.

“Mina’s out for a walk.” I croaked out, surprised at how awful my voice sounded. 

I felt the press of something against my fingers and I blinked, staring at the glass of water Jungkook was pressing into my hand.

“Don’t worry, I called them and told them not to come over.” He said quietly , watching me drink with still trembling fingers. 

I swallowed and stared at him. 

“I... Thank you. “ I said fervently, feeling a few knots come undone in my gut. I couldn’t really stand up to Jungkook’s parents the way I did with Sooah’s parents. Because Jungkook loved them deeply and hurting them would be the same as hurting him. 

“There’s a party in a couple of days. It’s my birthday. I’m turning 34.  Yugyeom’s organizing the whole thing, so I’m going to hire a babysitter for Mina, because Jin hyung will be there too and you need help caring for her anyway. You can stay home and rest. ” he said . 

I scoffed. 

“I’m going to come with you.” I said firmly. 

Jungkook frowned. 

“What?” 

I glared at him. 

“I’m not letting you go to a party organized by your shit for brains friend, Jungkook. You’ll probably end up getting drunk out of your mind and killing someone and I’m not going to hang around to clean that up. I’m coming to that party and I’m making sure you don’t have more than one drink.  “

Jungkook’s frown deepened into a scowl. 

Did you ever look at your wife , like this? With so much loathing? I thought stupidly. Or did she only ever get to see the sweet and wonderful side of you? Did she ever annoy you the way i seem to every second of the damn day ? Did you hate certain things about her too? Or was she so perfect that you could only feel love ? 

“ I can take care of myself. Its my birthday , I can do whatever the fuck I want.“ He snapped. 

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. 

“Not unless you’re a five year old kid in the sandpit, which you’re not. You’re an adult and when you make stupid decisions as an adult, very real people end up paying for it. You’re old enough to know this Jungkook and for once, just listen to me. You can drink, fine. But I’m going to be there and if I see that you’re getting drunk, I’m going to bring you home. You either agree or I’m going to call Yoongi oppa .” 

That made him pause. 

“Fine. Fuck you.” He snapped, turning on his heel and stalking out of the room. A few seconds later I heard the door to the shower slam shut.  

 I wanted to follow him and shake some sense into him but before I could decide if it was worth jostling my body, when another sharp pain lanced through my ribs.

Oh great. 

I took deep breaths the way Yoongi had taught me. Apparently, pneumonia was a thing that could happen, so i had to breath carefully to reduce the risk of that happening. 

The birthday party organized by Yugyeom was going to be a whole entire migraine inducing disaster. I could already feel the headache come on. It still amazed me that Jungkook was friends with him and his cronies. 

Yugyeom and his friends were the typical; brain dead alphas who thought themselves superior to all other ranks. Even worse, they viewed omegas as objects: fucktoys to be more precise and I bristled when i remembered the way he had always stared at me. 

Well, if he stepped anywhere near me, I would kick him in the teeth. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Jungkook’s mother turned up at home the next day, I wasn’t entirely surprised. I wasn’t surprised but it didn’t make things any more pleasant. 

“We’re willing to take Mina for a couple of days if you would both need time to prepare for the party. This is the first big event Jungkook’s holding after Sooah’s passing and we want it to be perfect. As his wife, i hope you’ll do your part.” 

Mrs Jeon’s pinched face did nothing for my already frayed temper. 

“There’s not much i can do with a cracked rib, mother.” I said politely. It stung, having to call this bitter, cruel woman mother but then, such was life. It was late afternoon and Jungkook was probably sitting in the comfort of his air conditioned office, being flattered and doted on by his smitten secretary while I sat here entertaining his vicious mother. 

“Nonsense, you’ve probably just scratched it. I know how you omegas like to exaggerate. “ she waved off my injury easily. “ There are so many details that need to be decided on and its unfair to drop all of those responsibilities on poor yugyeom’s head. Why don’t you go with him and help out a bit?” 

The idea of going anywhere with Kim Yugeom was easily the most repugnant thing to me. 

“I’m sure he knows Jungkook much better than I do. If i interfered, I’d only be getting in his way.” I said politely. 

Mrs. Jeon hummed.

“Well, its good that he’s agreed to the party at least. That woman never let him meet with Yugyeom or his friends when she was around.”

That woman being Jungkook’s late wife. 

I felt a sudden fondness for her. Clearly she had also recognized Yugyeom for the absolute pig that he was and kept her husband away from his rotten influence . But unlike with her, Jungkook didn’t actually care about me. So I had no way of stopping him from meeting the idiots. Yugyeom’s family was rich and reputed and it was clear that the Jeons wanted the friendship and the connection. Why else would they keep pushing for it so much?

“Is there any particular reason you’re here, mother?” I said finally, after hearing her babble on and on about caterers and invitations and what not. 

“I was hoping to meet Mina...why isn’t she here?” 

“I’m not able to care for her well, what with the rib. The doctor has advised me to rest so Jin oppa takes care of her during the day. Jungkook picks her back up on his way back from office. I can send her over to your place with him this weekend.” 

“That would be fine i suppose. Have you spoken to the decorators about changing the portraits put up in the house?”

I blinked.

“Sorry?”

“The penthouse, we’ve got it back now right? why don’t you move there. We have a cook and a housekeeper .”]

“this is closer to Jungkook’s office.” I had no idea where the penthouse was and could only hope it was farther way. 

Mrs. Jeon frowned. 

“This apartment is too small. Not to mention, you still have Sooah’s photos everywhere in this place. Surely that’s not healthy. Get rid of them and put up pictures of you and Jungkook.” 

Jungkook’s parents didn’t know that our marriage had an expiry date. i wasn’t sure if this was a good or bad thing. But they saw me as nothing more than a way to get rid of Sooah from the deepest recesses of Jungkook’s mind. 

“I’m sure, with time...Jungkook can make that decision by himself. When he’s ready for it.” I said gently, beginning the fresh throb of pain near my temple. 

“Nonsense, Heejin. Men won’t ever move on until you force them. Have you considered getting  pregnant?” 

I jumped about a foot into the air.

“I...what.” I croaked out. 

“You need a child too. He mated you. He owes you that. I’m going to tell him that he better do his duty by you.” She said firmly. 

“Please don’t.” I shouted, stunned out of my mind. Was this woman even sane?

“Why not?” She frowned looking at me like i was the one being unreasonable. 

 Why not? Because its barely been four months since he lost his wife of seven years to childbirth. Surely, you don’t think the remedy to that is to have him go through it all over again. 

 “ Mina is still small, mother. I’m sure we can wait a while. Maybe after she’s one or two.” 

 Jungkook would probably move on by then. Of course he would. Grief was overwhelming but it was also finite. It did get smaller over time. Easier to cope with. Jungkook would eventually be able to navigate his life around his grief. He would learn to make new connections and who was to say one of those wouldn’t be a compatible match? 

So two years from now, there was no reason Jungkook shouldn’t meet another lovely woman, a beta maybe and eventually expand his family. Of course i would be nowhere in the picture at the time. But that was fine. 

I remembered something I’d read somewhere, a while back. 

 If two people are like ships that pass in the night, they meet by chance for a short time , then do not see each other ever again. 

Like ships passing by each other in the night,  I reminded myself. That's what Jungkook and I were. 

“Well, if you think that’s wise.... fine. But now that Jungkook’s doing well, why don’t you entertain people more often? You haven’t had a dinner party here yet, have you?”

And so it went on, over an over for a whole two hours until I was wrung out from sheer exhaustion, my head throbbing and nails having dug half moon indents into my palms from fisting my hands too hard. 

By the time i finally closed the door on her face, I couldn’t help but sag against the door, sinking to the floor in a heap, cracked rib be damned. 

I glanced up at the solo portrait on the wall. The one my mother in law had wanted gone. 

“She must’ve really hated you, huh?” I said casually pulling myself up to my feet and moving to the dining space to stare at her face more closely. 

She was dressed in her wedding gown, a fitted mermaid dress with lace and satin detailing. She had a bouquet of white lilies in one hand, elbows bent and the blooms resting on her shoulder while her other hand curved around her slender waist. 

Beautiful was an understatement, I thought vacantly. 

“ You look like you didn’t put up with people’s bullshit. That’s cool I guess.” I smiled a little. “ You know in another world, we may have been friends.” 

I bit my lips.

“Yugyeom was shitty to you too huh? He seems the type. i’m glad you kept Jungkook away from him. I wish you’d somehow help get him away again. He doesn’t listen to me. Thinks I’m trying to control him or something. ”

It was ridiculous. What was i doing.. Why was i talking to a framed picture on the wall. God.

But now that I’d started, I couldn’t quite stop.

“About what happened with Jungkook... I don’t want you to think i was seducing him or anything. And when i said that I hated him calling your name when we... well you know why i said it right? It wasn’t anything personal...i was just pissed. I don’t enjoy the sex by the way... I don’t think he does either but he’s an alpha and you know how it is…they need that release or they kind of lose their mind .. So trust me we both hate the principle of it.... but at least he cums and well I don’t. He’s never made me cum. That should say something about how we feel about each other.......”

“Uh.. Should I come back later?” The voice near the doorway was so unexpected my heart jumped right to my throat and I screamed, stumbling a bit to the side.

Min Yoongi stood framed by the door, one hand wrapped around a bouquet of flowers and the other clutching his bag and stethoscope. He still had his white coat on over his shirt and slacks, hair mussed like he’d run his finger through it.

It took me a second to remember that Yoongi had a key to the house.

Another second to remember exactly what I’d been doing when he came inside.

Good God.

Had he heard the part where I’d talked about Jungkook not making me cum? Surely not? Oh Please no. 

“Jungkook told me to check on you. That you couldn’t sleep last night? Are you in a lot of pain?” 

Jungkook and I had shared the bed in his room last night and I had apparently, tossed and turned and whimpered through the night in pain. Or so Jungkook claimed. 

“Uh... I’m not sure. He said so... so..” 

“you guys sleep together right?” Yoongi asked casually, taking his coat off. I stared at the way the material of the shirt strained over his shoulders, my throat just a little dry. 

Yoongi smelled so ridiculously good. He was a doctor and he was so handsome and kind to me. The attraction would have been there even if i had been a beta but as an omega, the urge to just fling myself at him and beg him to make me his, it was kind of horrifying. 

Tamping down that part of me, I gave him a casual shrug, heart still pounding. 

“Yeah. There’s just two bedrooms here and one is Mina’s nursery. So ...” I finished awkwardly, watching him move around and place his bag on the table before unwinding the stethoscope, placing it around his collar. 

He gave me a small smile. 

“I’ll just take a quick look and check how your breathing sounds. that okay?” He asked gently. 

“Oh... sure. You need me to take my shirt off?” I asked curiously. 

He gave me a quick little smirk. 

“Not for medical reasons no.” He winked. 

I felt blood rush to my face along with guilt. What was I doing? This was Jungkook’s best friend!! His hyung. Someone he trusted and I was his....

His what? 

Nothing. I was Jungkook’s nothing. When was the last time someone had flirted with me . Someone who wasn’t a grade A creep. 

Yoongi moved closer, sitting down on the kitchen stool and beckoned me to come stand between his thighs. i moved, achingly aware of how much more potent his scent was up close. He looked up at me through sooty black lashes, a small smirk on his lips, feline eyes warm and open . 

“Put your hands on my shoulders, yeah?” He prompted. 

I hesitated, fingers shaking just a little before reaching out to rest on this shirt. I kept the touch feather light , the softness of his shirt the only thing I could feel.

He hummed and bending  down to lightly tug the hem of my shirt out of the waistline of my jeans. I bit my lips to stop myself from squirming. 

He glanced up , eyes meeting mine and holding my gaze. 

“You good?” 

“Uhuhbuh.” I stuttered and he grinned wider, pulling the fabric up to the curve of my breasts. He lightly ran his finger tips over the bruised skin , humming thoughtfully .

“You’ll be fine in a few weeks. Hang on.” He pulled back, plugging the steth in his hear before holding the other end up to my chest. He pressed it against my skin, just before the underwire of my bra and it was unexpectedly cold .

I jumped, fingers curling on his shoulder and squeezing down. 

“Hey.. what’s wrong?” Yoongi whispered, hands reaching for my waist, gently holding me steady and I flushed. He looked genuinely worried , lips turned down and brows furrowed and i felt absolutely stupid. 

“Sorry. Sorry.... It’s nothing.. i just.. it’s a little cold.” I laughed nervously and his gaze softened. 

One hand still curved around my waist, he brought the diaphragm up to his mouth, holding my gaze as he gently breathed warm air all over it. 

My throat went instantly dry and i had to swallow. He pressed it against my chest again and this time it was so much warmer. .

“Better?” He prompted and i nodded, guilt and discomfort churning in my stomach. What was i doing? I had no business indulging him. i had no business indulging any man. Ever.

 I looked away, pulling my hands up off his shoulder, pushing his hand off my hip as well . He didn’t say anything his shoulders stiffened at the subtle rejection. 

A mantle of awkward tension settled over us, a small thundercloud of regret and that threatened to rain misery all over us. I wanted to kick myself.  He was older than Jungkook by four years. Thirty eight years old. 

Did he have a girlfriend? Oh god, what if he was martried?

Nausea threatened. 

“Your breathing sounds fine. Are you practicing those breathing exercises , I taught you?” He asked casually and I nodded . I couldn’t trust myself to speak. 

“Hey...” He said gently and I flinched. 

“I’m sorry.” I blurted out. “ I didn’t mean to lead you on or tease you in any way and I’m sorry if i came on to you ...”

“What?! Heejin, stop. That’s bullshit. You never did any such thing. This was all me.” He said firmly. 

I stared at him.

“I know you’re married but... your marriage, its going to end right? Eventually.” 

I made to step back but he grabbed my waist again, this time a few inches over my jean and his fingers on the bare skin of my midriff made me want to melt. He had long slender fingers, a surgeons hands, and the press of it on my skin felt so foreign and gentle and different and good. 

“We don’t have to do anything. I just... I thought we could get to know each other. Over coffee or dinner.”

I wanted to sob at the unfairness of it all.

Because Yoongi was beautiful and handsome and so good and so much more than I could ever even dream of,  but he was and would always be so intricately woven with Jungkook and with Jungkook’s life. And I couldn’t imagine anything more messy than sticking around and watching Jungkook and his daughter forget me and move on.

“It’s.... probably a terrible idea. “ I said roughly, shaking my head. “ Its the kind of idea that would never end well.” 

“Are you sure? Because unlike Jungkook, i could probably make you cum.” He winked and I felt my face flame red. 

“Oh God...” I hissed, stumbling back. This time he let me move away, merely chuckling and reaching for his coat and bag . 

“I won’t bother you again. But the offer’s always open, yeah?” He smiled again. “ You need me to send over more pain meds?”

I shook my head mutely, begging him to just leave already. 

He nodded and held his hand up in a casual wave before walking out of the door. I collapsed on the stool and dropped my head into my arms , groaning. 

What had i gotten myself into. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn’t actually see Jungkook for a couple of days. The meds knocked me out and he worked overtime, only arriving after I’d slept off and leaving before i woke up. Jin brought Mina around everyday and there was something absolutely exhilarating about watching her clutch at her little teething toys and rattles, gummy smile peeking out every few minutes. 

On a whim, i told Jin what had happened with Yoongi and much to my surprise he actually laughed. 

“About time . He’s been pining for what three years now?” 

I gaped at him, completely thrown.

“I..he.. what.” I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around what I had heard. 

“He saw you at that art exhibition you put up in the Hyatt . By the way, don’t you paint anymore?”

I flushed. 

I had no proper response to that. What could i say? That my painting had just been yet another way to control me, only appreciated by father when he could use it to make more money. And that part of my marriage contract included that I wouldn’t paint or make any money off my art for the duration that I stayed with Jungkook. 

It was just yet another way my father reminded me that he controlled him. I didn’t fight him because he would win anyway. And the only thing he loved more than controlling people was winning battles that were always rigged in his favor. i wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. I would soldier through this awful marriage and at the end of it , i would disappear without a trace. 

I shook my head vaguely and Jin hummed. 

“Yoongi doesn’t understand art but he hung around the entire nine hours , morning to night . Three whole days of him just pretending to look at the artwork while secretly making moon eyes at you.”

I could only stare in sheer disbelief. 

“i... i never knew.” 

“How could you? Yoongi’s idea of courting is pretending he doesn’t exist and fading into the background. “ Jin rolled his eyes. “ He tried approaching your father to officially court you but your old man shut that down rather brutally.” 

I swallowed . 

“I... I’m sorry.” i said feeling foolish. Three years...what? I couldn’t think beyond the shock of the information. 

“Does Jungkook know?” I asked , scared. 

Jin shook his head.

“Like I said Yoongi never made it known . He was afraid it would make life difficult for you. He didn’t want any rumors around because everyone knew your father was looking to offer you to someone rich and young. Yoongi was what , fifteen years older? That’s quite a difference.”

“Thirty eight isn’t old.” I said sharply and Jin’s brow went up. 

“Oh?” He questioned teasingly and I flushed. 

“Jungkook is eleven years older. What’s another four more years?” I shrugged.

“You’re interested then.” Jin said thoughtfully. I recoiled, shaking my head quickly.

“I...what? No. No I’m not. “ 

“Why not? If it isn’t the age, then there’s no reason  to say no. Yoongi is handsome , settled and a great guy all around and besides,  your time with Jungkook is finite right?” 

“I... I won’t cheat on him.” I said firmly. “ i can’t... I... besides, Jungkook and I... we’re... we have sex.” My ears turned red, “ I can’t do that with two guys... I’m not like that. “ 

Jin nodded.

“Its alright.. Heejinah ...I’m sorry if i pressured you or anything. You don’t have to do anything. I know you have a lot on your plate right now. Yoongi probably got carried away . More than likely he’s going to panic and avoid you for a year just to recover.” He laughed and I smiled reluctantly. 

“He’s nice I don’t want to hurt him. “ I said softly. 

“ Sometimes that’s just inevitable . People get hurt no matter what we choose.” Jin gave me a sad little smile. “ Jungkook is just as nice a gy as Yoongi. If not better. He’s just...not in the right headspace to show that side of himself to you. I wish you’d known him before Sooah. He used to be this...playful and funny kid. We all went out of our way to keep him safe. Sooah was just as amazing. Usually , we try to find flaws in people our friends  date right? Well trust me Sooah was hard to dislike .” He laughed, eyes misting over as his gaze landed on her  portrait over the mantle. 

I followed his gaze and swallowed. 

“Do you think Jungkook will ever get over her?” I asked simply. 

Jin hesitated. 

“Someday? Probably yes. But it won’t be easy. He’s ... He feels things deeply. He always has. He loved her deeply, he cared for her deeply and so its only obvious that he’s going to feel the loss of her presence very deeply too.” 

I nodded. 

“Its his birthday tomorrow.” I said softly. “ I have a gift for him. Well its not a gift from me, but a gift nonetheless.  But I’m not sure if I should give it to him.” 

Jin gave me a surprised look. 

“What do you mean?” 

I smiled bitterly.

“Just that sometimes fate can be very cruel when it chooses its players. I’m forever wondering if he would be better off or worse without me in the picture and I just can’t decide.” 

“Different. He would just be different.” Jin said calmly. 

There was nothing else i could say to that. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yugyeom had rented out the rooftop restaurant in one of the poshest Hotels in Seoul and although the party was a pool party, I hadn’t bothered dressing for it. I wore a plain sequined top and burgundy skirt that fanned out around me knees. 

The place was teeming with people his age , friends acquaintances and business partners. The women had changed into bright , skimpy bikinis and lounged about in the brightly lit pool tossing a ball around .

The older people were being hosted by the Jeons on the lower level of the restaurant in a posh ballroom. Jungkook and i would have to visit them later but for now I was content sipping a mocktail, leaning against the bar while Hoseok and Lisa flanked me on either side, pointing out who was sleeping with who. 

Jungkook was in the pool with Yugyeom and Jimin and it was impossible to tear my eyes away from him. He looked happy almost, laughing and shaking water out of his hair as he moved around with the strength and agility of an Olympic athlete. Yoongi was in the pool as well and on the opposite team with Jin and Namjoon....and it was increasingly obvious that the half a dozen bikini clad women were there simply for an excuse to touch the handsome alphas as they worked up a sweat. 

“Jungkook is such a competitive bastard.” Hoseok laughed. “But I don’t know what’s gotten into Yoongi today. i can’t believe he’s in the pool. “

“Of his own volition. “ Lisa added. “ usually someone has to strip him and toss him in. 

Yoongi kept glancing at me every few minutes. It was impossible to miss. It was also impossible to miss that at least three of the six women in the pool were trying to get into his pants. 

I sighed and turned back to the bartender asking for a refill. when i turned back around, Jungkook and Yugyeom were climbing out of the pool and Jin was moving to the opposite side to take their place with Jimin. 

“Jungkook and i are going to go get a drink. Anything for you , beautiful?” Yugyeom reached out to touch me and I almost fell in my haste to get away from him. 

“Keep your hands off me.” I snapped . Jungkook frowned. 

“No need to be rude, Heejin , he was just being polite.” He said softly and i smelt the alcohol on his breath.

“Don’t drink too much Jungkook.”

“Oh come on, beautiful., Its his birthday let him live a little...” Yugyeom laughed and I glared at him.

“I’d rather have him live longer “ I snapped. “ And that can’t happen if you keep trying to give him alcohol poisoning.” 

Yugyeom rolled his eyes. 

“Is she always this dramatic, Jungkook-ah.” Yugyeom laughed. Jungkook didn’t laugh but he gave me a look that said, ‘ please don’t make a scene’ and I bit my lips. 

I didn’t want to ruin his night. He looked ....so close to a normal person tonight and whether I liked it or not Yugyeom had contributed to that. The music was apparently Jungkook’s favorites only, the pool because he loved volleyball in the water and the buffet had all his favorite foods. Yugyeom had gone out of his way to make the party perfect and i suddenly felt like the troll stomping on Jungkook’s happiness. 

Swallowing my own instinct to drag my husband away from the alpha who had his arms around him, I turned away and walked off to the pool. Yoongi’s face lit up when he saw me.

“Hey there, angel. Here to watch me kick some ass? “ He cupped his hands in the water, before tossing a handful of water at me. I blinked in surprise, laughing a little. 

“I’m just here to cheer Jin oppa. “ I said impishly, moving over to the lounge chair near his side of the pool. Yoongi’s pout was adorable and I couldn’t help but laugh. 

Maybe I could stop worrying about Jungkook for a while. Yugyeom wasn’t dangerous. Even if he got a little drunk, I was still here. So were all of our friends. 

It would be fine. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it wasn’t fine. 

An hour later, I found Jungkook in a room filled with cigarette smoke and light music, yugeyom and his friends scattered around the place with a few beautiful women lounging about on their laps. 

“You said one drink Yugyeom...he’s completely out of his mind.” I said shrilly staring at where Jungkook sat on the couch , shirtless and laughing as some girl in a bikini ran her fingers up and down his arm. She had one leg draped over his thigh.  I felt sick at the very sight of it. 

its because he’s drunk ,  I told myself.  He’s drunk and can’t consent, that’s why you feel sick, nothing else.  

Yugyeom gave me an easy smile. 

“Guy just wants to have some fun. Reina’s a friend of mine. She’ll take good care of him don’t worry. She’s the birthday gift i got him. “ He leered. 

I resisted the urge to punch him in the face. 

Glaring at him, 

“Jungkook, we’re leaving. Come on.” I made to move towards him but a hand shot out, gripping my wrist like a vice. 

“Not so fast baby.... I already paid for her. You can’t just waltz in here and take away her livelihood.” He sneered. “ Unless you want to take her place. This is a special bar you know. All these lovelies, they have something in common with you.” 

I stared at him frowning.

“What does that mean?” 

“I hired them from an omega escort agency...you know because that’s all you omegas are useful for anyway.” 

I rolled my eyes, yanking on my wrist. 

“You and your medieval ideals can go to hell. I’m going home. Jungkook!!” I yelled again and this time Jungkook turned eyes landing on me. 

“Heejin?” He slurred. 

“We need to go home, Jungkook.” I said firmly. 

“Now?” He blinked. I nodded. 

“Yes now.” I made to move away but this time Yugyeom wrapped both arms around my waist, pinning me to his body. Pain , sharp and unbearable shot up my ribs and I whimpered. He was squeezing too hard and God what if the cracked rib just snapped? 

Panic began setting in and I yelped.

“Let me go you bastard.” I struggled to get away, staring in disbelief at my husband . 

Jungkook was standing but he swayed dangerously. There was no clarity there and his eyes were hooded. He was drunk. Really, really drunk. 

“Jungkook tell him to let me go!!” I yelled , trying to tamp down the panic that was rising up my throat. 

“Don’t worry Kook. Just gonna ask her to wait outside for a while. Why don’t you finish your conversation with Reina.. i’ll entertain your wife for a while.” He drawled and i felt my entire body go ice cold at that. 

Jungkook was blinking rapidly, the words clearly not registering and genuine terror began to bleed into my veins. Jungkook couldn’t even fathom that i was in genuine danger here, let alone help me. Oh God, why had i come alone? Where were the others??

Yugyeom held me tighter and i swallowed a groan . My ribs felt like they were on fire. 

“Let’s take this somewhere private, Heejin?” He whispered into my neck and i couldn’t believe it. Yugyeom was drunk yes, but was this idiot also insane? 

“Wait...no.. Yugeyom don’t be a fucking idiot. If you touch me, that’s fucking rape...You can go to prison for that .” I shouted, trying to drill some sense into his head. He wasn’t going to risk prison to make a point was he?? 

“Not if you seduce me angel...and you’re going to... Or I’ll just tell people you did...same difference , right?” he whispered. 

And then he began dragging me off to the corner and my eyes fell on a side door leading out of the room . 

 If you let him take you there this is going to become frighteningly real,  a voice screamed in my head and I inhale deeply, ready to scream loud enough to get the attention of everyone in the damned building. 

The door opened just as I opened my mouth and I froze, watching Mrs Jeon walk into the lounge, looking lost.

“What is this place?” She muttered out loud looking around and the arms around me fell away so fast, I crashed to the floor. 

“Heejin-ah!” Yoongi’s voice came from right behind her and I flinched, willing my shaking legs to stop trembling. 

“Mrs. Jeon...” I muttered, voice strained and ribs throbbing. 

“Heejin? What is going on here? Where’s my son?” 

“Fuck... Jungkook-ah...” Yoongi moved to get him and I took a deep steadying breath. 

Years ago , I’d taken a self defence class and one thing i’d definitely enjoyed learning was how to throw a punch. And It wasn’t something i’d forgotten. 

Planting my feet firmly , i lightly rotated my hips, a subtle shift, before engaging my core , drawing all the fury and helpless rage inside me into my fist. I pulled my shoulders in and took a deep breath. Punch past your target , i told myself. You’re not just going to break his jaw you’re going to put him in the hospital tonight. 

“Mrs. Jeon, Jungkook had a great time toni-” His voice was all i needed to hear  to know exactly where his mouth was behind me. 

i relaxed my muscles as i threw the punch, contracting them just as my fist landed on Kim Yugyeom’s face.  

The satisfying sound of flesh on bone felt like music to my ears and Yugyeom’s sharp cry of sheer agonizing pain even sweeter. 

He crashed to the floor in a heap and I could feel my fist throb like hell. I was going to bruise so badly. But it was worth it. 

“That was for telling me that you were going to rape me and tell everyone that i seduced you.” I said calmly. 

Yoongi let out a noise of disbelief. 

“What the actual fuck.....” He shouted. 

“Yugyeom what the fuck man? Are you out of your damned mind?” One of his friends yelled. Yugyeom merely groaned. 

He couldn’t answer, blood trickling down his chin and hands cradling his jaw, whimpers falling out of his  mouth. My own fist throbbed like hell so the damage had to be significant. 

Mrs Jeon looked horrified and when she opened her mouth i quickly held a hand up.

“I’m not doing this. Not tonight. “ I said calmly. Jungkook was quiet, the way he always got when he was drunk and I groaned. 

It was going to be a long night. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We need to talk.” I said calmly and Jungkook swallowed. 

“Heejin, I’m -”

“Hear me out first Jungkook.” I said sharply. “ I don’t need your apology, it means nothing to me because it means nothing to you. You’re not sorry that you didn’t help me last night. You’re just angry that you had to help at all. You don’t give a fuck about me. I know that and I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is you getting drunk to the point that you don’t even recognize that someone’s in need of help. “ 

I took a deep breath. 

“If you did it to me, you’ll do it to your daughter too. Yugyeom is going to get you drunk someday when you’re taking care of Mina by yourself and then when she needs you, what are you going to do?” 

“You’re right... I shouldn’t have gotten that drunk -”

“I’m only here , talking to you , because of your daughter. If it was just you, I wouldn’t give a damn because you’re an adult and if you make your bed , you can just lie on it. It wouldn’t bother me. But Mina...she’s not capable of making the right choices. She need a father who can make the right choices, because whatever shitty choice you make, your daughter is going to be there along for the ride whether she wants to or not. You drive your car off a cliff tomorrow , she’s going to be there in the car seat laughing because she doesn’t know the consequences of your choices. “ 

I clenched my fists to keep my voice even. To stop myself from yelling. 

“I have something for you. “ 

I grabbed the brown paper wrapped canvas from under the table. 

“It’s a painting . Your wife commissioned me to make this a year ago when she got pregnant.” 

He froze so eerily still that it made me nervous.

“At first , i wasn’t sure if i should be giving it to you because well... because i was marrying you ... I wasn’t sure that it would be right, coming from me ...because I was taking your wife’s place after all...”

i laughed. 

“Now I know that's just bullshit. I don’t have a place in your life. I’m a nobody. This isn’t about me. This is about you. She told me back then that you were nervous about being a father. That was all she said. And she wanted me to pain this. “ I held the canvas out to him. 

“You can see it. I’m going to go stay with Jin oppa for a few days. I want you to see it. It shows how your wife saw you. The kind of father she hoped you would be. I want you to see it and make a choice. You can either get the help you need. “ i took a deep breath, “ Or I’m going to tell Yoongi that you’re incompetent to be a father. He’ll file charges , “ I had to close my eyes to get the next words out, “ and you will lose custody of your daughter.” 

Jungkook inhaled sharply, hands curling into fists on his knees. 

“i hope you make the right choice.” 

I wrapped both my arms around myself and walked out. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s note. :

I’m so exhausted I’ll tag people tomorrow! 

.@girlinthemikrokosmos  @xius-exos  @sugainfireslex  @yunkichiee@kpopstudybee @ephyraaaa  @peachoney9795 @ggukkieland  @veronawrites  @blr1004   @tinyhoagiepartylover @btsis7okay@squishyjk  @itsdingdong @emmmui  @honeeybunneey  @yeonkiminnie

@just-me-and-myselfs  @delicate-snow-flake  @kpop-lore  @beautifulvirgobutterfly @sumzysworld  @btsmylife21  @teresaisla

.@melrosaeparker @taestannie @dchimminie  @ meraki--life   @somewhereinthestarss  @mawwnsterr  @kookiesbreaky  @chimchoom 

#jungkook smut #jungkook fics #jeon jungkook #bts fanfics #bts smut fic #bts smut #bts fics #bts #jungkook #bts scenarios

[taestefully-in-luv]

Always You | JJK (Five)

Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader, slight Taehyung x Reader

Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slight slow burn, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack, lots of drama

Word Count: 12.1k

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual tension (?) sad oc, mentions of sex, kind of over the clothes action, drama, heated dance session lol, slight memory of sex, hair pulling, back scratching, mention of boner, second chances (?)

Notes: Okay, first of all THAT 1st TEASER PIC!!! DID WE SEE THAT? *chefs kiss*. Anyway thanks for comments you guys leave I really love reading them!!! Remember to send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat about the story:) have a great week everyone!

Taglist: @mooniyooni @thisartemisnevermisses @giadalin @kookiebunny097 @cosmosjk @moonchild1 @just-jeon @anpanman-sonyeondan @starlight-night0 @yessii-i @apollukee @mikasaredscarf1 @kaye-rosales @bunnyjeonjk @dyriddle @seagulljk @hass-mich-los @peachy-skz0325 @wonusbitch

© taestefully-in-luv

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May

Gloomy: The dictionary may describe it as hopeless and despairing but really it should just be a picture of your sad, sad face.

1 month…yes, one whole month has passed since you last spoke to Jungkook. No text, no calls, no random show ups, nothing. Gloom. Gloom. Gloom. Graduation came and gone so quickly…you walked the stage with your friends minus two but honestly you can hardly remember the event. You tried your hardest to be as excited as everyone else but the feeling of gloom stayed with you.

By the end of the month you finally started accepting he isn’t coming back and right around that time you actually heard from him—Jungkook that is. He sent you a pathetic text that he’s moving out and will be by to retrieve his things. More gloom.

The next couple weeks after that are a blur, you recall the sound of movers throughout your apartment. You didn’t have the courage to speak to him…you didn’t have the courage to even leave your room if you didn’t have to. You were so wrapped up in everything you didn’t even consider that fact that you will have to find a new roommate to cover the other half of the rent.

Every day just dragged on, every day a repeat of the last. Wake up, drown in black coffee, scroll mindlessly through your phone and work your full time job. You called in sick too many days already so you have to go or you’re at risk at getting fired. The same day, every day. The same gloomy fucking day.

Jimin tried to call or text every day to make sure you were like, alive. He apologized over and over for not telling you as soon as he found out about the Taehyung situation but he felt that if Taehyung was going to tell you then it is best it comes from him and not Jimin. You can understand that. He also frequently would show up at your apartment to surprise you but you rarely let him in. You did feel bad though, he’s just trying to be there for you.

Jimin 6:04pm

Please let me in?

Jimin 6:05pm

Well…I have some take out for you babe, ill leave it on the doorstep.

Jimin 6:05pm

Call me sometime ok? Love you

Guilt would consume your body but you just couldn’t deal with human contact right now.

June

Around month 2 you finally felt okay to see people again—your close people that is—aka Jimin was finally allowed in, he made you take a hot bath while he cleaned up for you and made you a proper meal. The amount of instant ramen containers lying around the place was by far one of the grossest things he’s seen. The shit that was growing…he shudders just thinking about it.

He would come over every day after work in the evenings. He left day time babysitting to Trina.

“Girl…all this over a boy?” she would constantly say.

You also tried applying for job after job, but the postgraduation life is harder than you thought…at least for you. Jimin landed a job as a kids choreographer, Trina starts up at one of the local elementary schools as a kindergartner teacher and you? You’re still working at the bakery down the street. You applied for many entry level positions in the marketing field but failed miserably in interviews…which only further discouraged you and worsened your mood.

It was also around this time you decided to finally delete Jungkook off all social media and block his number. You refuse to hear from him at this point…not that he was reaching out or anything. You wonder what he’s up to postgraduation? No, you don’t want to know or care. You considered hanging up a picture of his face on your wall so you could throw darts at it but you decided that was maybe on the crazy side. Taehyung sends you weekly texts, asking about how your day/week is going. He updates you on his life as well, apparently he got the curator assistant position at the museum that he wanted. You still feel hurt over everything but you are happy for him. It’s funny, you feel so betrayed over that but Jungkook is the cause of your gloom.

Every day just drags on, you feel heavy everywhere you go. Even when you’re just at home in bed.

By the end of the month your friends somehow convinced you to go on a date—a horrible date at that.

He was awkward as hell, a bad kisser and would lightly…tap your ass in attempt to be sexy. It was a disaster, you don’t even remember what the two of you even talked about at dinner. You just remember his tongue being horribly shoved down your throat and his weird ass tapping habit.

July

Then month 3 finally came around. A month where the weeks went by breathing became just a bit easier. Yes, any and everything still reminded you of Jungkook but it didn’t hurt as terribly as the previous months. By the end of the month you even agreed to your first real social outing. You are hesitant, but you agreed…

“I don’t know guys…a birthday party? We like, don’t even know the girl?” you frown, nibbling on the flesh of your bottom lip.

You are sitting in the middle of your bedroom floor, clothes piling all around you as you try to decide on what to wear.

“You need to get out babe…plus it’s a friend of a friend, so it’s cool.” Jimin says holding up a rose colored crop top, motioning for you to nod yes or no to his suggestion. You cock your head to the side, deciding what pants to go with it.

“I have to say I agree with Jimin, y/n.” your new roommate Holly chips in, “Since I’ve moved in I don’t think I’ve seen you go out even once.”

“Also a party is the best place to find some easy dick.” Of course that’s what Trina has to offer.

“Yes to the crop top Jimin.” You point your head towards the shirt, “Okay don’t have to call me out like that Holly.” You glare at your roomie, “And Trina, we both know I ain’t ready for no type of dick.”

“So we’re looking for some pussy tonight?” Trina smirks, “Nice.”

You rolls your eyes, a chuckle escaping your lips, “Shut up.” you throw a pair of shorts at her face.

“But seriously y/n…Maybe Trina is on to something…” Jimin sits down next to you, crossing his legs in front of him, “Maybe this is a good chance to like—”

“If you say move on I will literally kill you.” You cut in, “There’s nothing to move on from!” you throw your hands up dramatically. “Taehyung used me, Jungkook wants nothing to do with me. And—”

“Then why aren’t you ready for any type of dick?” Holly puts in her 2 fucking cents.

“Because I don’t want to be associated with any boys! Jimin is the exception.”

“Somehow I don’t feel flattered by that…” Jimin puts a hand on your shoulder.

“When’s the last time you got off?” Trina abruptly asks. You turn your head in shock at her shamelessness.

“Trina!”

“Answer her, I’m curious too.” Jimin squints at you trying not to laugh.

“It’s…” your eyes slide to the side, “It’s been a while.”

Trina shakes her in disapproval, “Damn girl, really? My fingers constantly playing DJ, you know what I’m sayin?” Trina goes in for a fist bump but you just push her hand away.

“You’re gross.” You laugh out loud, and it sounds like music to everyone’s ears.

“I’m just real babey.” She flicks her hair back with a proud smile on her face.

Having these 3 around has no doubt helped you deal with the loss you feel. You feel like you are still mourning the dead. How’s Jungkook even doing? You’re too afraid to ask Jimin. Too afraid that he’s doing amazing without you. He must of realized how much better off he is without you around and that makes you feel small.

“Fine…” you mutter under your breath…Jimin snaps his head to look at you, his sly smile growing as he watches you fiddle with a short mini skirt.

“Fine what?” Trina asks with a smirk.

“Let’s find me some dick tonight.”

“Hell fucking yeah.” Jimin claps his hands together, “Tonight is about you!”

“y/n makes her debut tonight! She’s hot, she’s single and she is ready to mingle!”

You can’t help but giggle, your hands bunching up the material of the mini skirt as you look down at it, making your decision.

“Let me get ready and we can get this night started!” you rush to your feet, all the sudden feeling excited for tonight. You are going to actually do your hair and your makeup—you even shaved. You are definitely breathing easier tonight and you have to take advantage of that!

“Let’s do shots as we wait girlies,” Holly shows a bottle of rum she had hiding behind her back, shaking it in excitement.

“Naughty girl.” Jimin winks, standing to his feet, heading towards the kitchen to grab some shot glasses.

You get ready quickly, but taking your time where it counts. You give yourself a once over in the mirror and you have to say you are impressed. Your black jean mini skirt sits right below your ass, while your tits pop in this rose crop top. You wear short heels, and simple jewelry with just the right amount of makeup that makes your features stand out, and you have to say you would kiss yourself if you could—you look fucking good.

“woooooo” Jimin and Trina whistle out at the same time as they walk back in your bedroom.

“I’d fuck.” Jimin says plainly.

“Same as fuck.” Trina says bluntly as she swallows down a shot.

“Yeah you look pretty y/n!” Holly smiles, not really on the same level of honestly as your other two friends.

You burst into giggles, throwing your head back in approval. “Thanks guys…..Lets fucking do this.” You walk towards Trina and grab her shot glass, and you take the bottle from Holly, pouring yourself a shot.

“Ready to fucking mingle.” You gulp down the rum, the burn only encouraging you, the warmth stinging your entire chest and you couldn’t feel more content.

This house was one of the bigger ones, it was full of people and more people and like, more people. You managed to swallow down 3 or 4 shots back at your apartment and the alcohol is definitely working its magic on you, the world just a little nicer.

The amount of people doesn’t even bother you like it usually would, instead you find yourself barging through the front door and making your way to the dance floor with your 3 friends trialing behind you.

The heat of the living room is already intoxicating you, the amount of bodies rolling and grinding makes you feel loose and free. Before you know it Jimin is pushing a drink into your hands and you hug him gratefully as you begin chugging it back.

“Woah slow down, we have all night—actually fuck it, I like your spirit tonight!” he chuckles lightly, his hands going to your waist, rocking you to the beat of the blaring music. Trina and Holly disappear into the kitchen to grab more drinks while you and Jimin dance to whatever b…t…ah, forget it, you forgot the band’s name.

“Are you having fun?” Jimin slurs out, his eyes barely visible as he laughs at nothing.

“So much fun!” you yell out over the music then you lean down into his ear and whisper, “Thanks so much Jiminie…I know I was a little difficult…”

“A little?” he teases.

Jimin’s eyes travel behind you before they are widening. You notice, of course. You are about to turn your head to take a look at whatever he is seeing when his snaps back to you in panic, his troubled smile growing.

“Let’s go find Trina and Holly, yeah?” he tries to usher you toward the kitchen and you oblige. Too drunk and feeling too good that his odd behavior goes ignored by you.

“Kay!” you smile, hooking your arm with his. “Letsa go!” you say like you’re fucking Mario.

The two of you walk to the kitchen, finding Trina and Holly playing a game of beer pong with two random guys.

“Hello my bitches!” Trina hollers over the thumping bass, as she scores a cup of pong, her other hand on Hollys lower back.

“Wait, gotta use the bathroom, be right back!” you slur into Jimin’s ear, he just nods distractedly as he watches the game, laughter erupting his body for probably no drunken reason.

You walk back into the living room and start heading towards the other side where the bathroom is. The journey to the bathroom is fun, you accidently bump into a lot of people but they don’t seem to mind as they will just drunkenly smile at you and you would smile back in your own drunken daze. You skim the room with a dopey smile on your face, just admiring the crowd. You are shocked with yourself…you missed people and you cannot believe it. You continue to observe when your eyes land on tattooed hands. The hands are grabbing a handful of ass on the dance floor. You know these hands. Your eyes travel from his hands to his strong arms to his face…it is hiding in the nook of some girls neck and you feel like someone knocked the wind out of you. Jungkook.

He is kissing on some girl, no doubt leaving bruises behind from his attack on her neck. His hands cupping this girls ass so tightly, he guides her hips into his. You watch as she throws her head back in pleasure and you see him smirk. All his signature moves. You are left speechless. What could you even say? Why does this hurt? Why does this make you feel fucking sick? Why does it feel like you aren’t supposed to be witnessing this? Well, you know why but god, why?!

“y/n!!” It’s Jimin, jogging up behind you, “Fuck, I was trying to avoid you seeing this…” he admit softly, “I swear I didn’t think he was going to be here tonight…he didn’t seem that interested when I asked him about it…”

“It’s fine Jimin…” you mumble.

“Does it feel weird? Seeing him with this girl…?” Jimin is obviously trying to get you to admit something right now but you are not in the right head space to even give it a second thought.

“Why should it? Plus I’m used to this…she’s just some random girl for one night.” You twirl the ends of your hair between your fingers.

“Oh babe…” Jimin glances down at the ground, “This girl…she…he’s brought her to every party for the last month…” Jimin sounds as sorry as you feel.

The same girl? That’s impossible, you scoff. There’s no way Jungkook is actually seeing someone. But that doesn’t stop your stomach from twisting and turning and making you feel fucking sick.

“What do you mean?” you finally slur out, leaning your frame on Jimin.

“He brings her and they leave together too…” Jimin holds on to you, “I haven’t really asked him about her though.”

“Whatever. Fuck him, right? I won’t let this ruin my night.” You smile coyly, draping your arms around your friend. “Bathroom please.” You pout theatrically, pointing your head towards the bathroom.

“Okay let’s get you peeing in peace.” Jimin laughs, guiding you towards the door.

Once at the door, you knock a couple times to find that it is empty, “I’ll wait for you out here.” Jimin assures you.

Once inside the small room, you bunch up your skirt and pull down your panties, squatting on the toilet. You sigh in relief as you pee, but the relief you feel in your body stops when you recall the way Jungkook held and kissed this random but not so random girl.

Why should it bother you? It’s about time Jungkook got serious! But why did he have to dump you to achieve that? And why did It have to be with someone el…

You reach for the toilet paper, ripping it after a few sheets and wipe yourself as you drunkenly sing a tune. So what? You can easily replace Jungkook too!

You stand up, pulling your panties up and your skirt down and take a long good look in the mirror. Your hair is still intact, your makeup is only a little smeared—quick fix, and your tits are still poppin’. This night is just beginning, you decide. A whole new wave of confidence begins washing over you.

“Ready!” You pounce on Jimin’s back, he stumbles forward while laughing wholeheartedly.

“Should we look for Trina and Holly again? They’re probably still playing beer pong!”

“Sure.” You smile, walking hand in hand with Jimin as you make your way back to the kitchen.

Hours pass and you are now outside on the back porch piss drunk with your 3 friends and a couple new friends. Nick and his pal that you can’t remember the name of—but you remember Nick. He’s really tall and has nice muscles covering his body, his light hair is messy and looks like you would have fun pulling it.

“And that’s why I think aliens are already here bro, like they are probably here at this fucking party bro.” No name friend finishes his point. Nick holds in his chuckle as his drunk friend rambles.

“Totally bro.” Then his eyes land on you. Fuck, were you staring? Oh well, it’s best to get to the point. You two have been making eyes at each other all night and it’s time to make the next move.

“Hey Nick, wanna grab a drink with me in the kitchen?” you inquire with a sly smile.

Jimin’s eyes widen before he’s smirking “Don’t be silly, wrap that willy.”

Trina and Holly laugh at Jimin’s words while you turn fucking red with embarrassment.

“Sorry about him…” You excuse Jimin, but you continue to smile slyly.

Nick grins with all his teeth as he takes your hand and leads you back inside the house. His hand is much larger than yours and you are already imagining what his beefy fingers will do to your vagina. God, what’s his dick like???

You enter the kitchen and you and him walk towards the cooler full of beers, he lets you stand to the side as he goes to grab them.

“Nick!!!!” you hear a familiar voice and you wince. Jungkook stands next to the cooler, his hand wrapped around the girls hand, but he briefly lets go of it to dap up your fuck for the night.

“What’s up bro!” Nick returns the handshake, a wide smile on his face.

They know each other?

“I thought you said you weren’t coming tonight?” Jungkook’s hand goes back to holding on to the girl.

“I wasn’t going to but,” he nods towards you, “Glad I did.” He winks. Jungkook’s eyes follow Nicks nod and when he sees you stand there awkwardly he goes completely pale. Your eyes meet uncomfortably, Jungkook let’s go of the girls hand without a second thought.

“y/n?” he questions with a pained expression.

“You know her?” Nick asks, totally out of the loop.

You shift from one foot to the other, not really sure what to do or say. So you settle for his name. “Jungkook.” It feels foreign on your tongue. Like if you said it 3 times in a mirror a sinister ghost would come to murder you.

Jungkook opens his mouth then closes it then opens it then closes it again.

“Baaaaabe,” the girl next to him whines, “let’s get out of here already.” She says, not even acknowledging your existence.

Jungkook shamelessly eyes you up and down, his shock is very evident as he looks at you.

You can’t help but smile a little, knowing you look damn good.

“Let’s go too, Nick.” You saunter to his side, grabbing a hold of his bicep.

That’s when Jungkook knocks out of daze, his brows crease as he looks between the two of you.

“Wait—you and Nick?” he asks, completely amused.

“Is that a problem?”

“Nope.” Jungkook looks fucking smug as he smiles, his hand going to grab the girls hand again. “See you later?” he asks you. You of all people! “Uh? Probably not?”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” Jungkook winks, turning around to leave as he leads his girl out.

Nick just continues to smile, completely oblivious, “So cool that we all know each other!” he grips on to your waist.

“Wait, how do you know Jungkook?”

“We—”

“Wait, it honestly doesn’t matter. Let’s just get out of here.”

“My place?” Nick breathes into your ear, he pushes your hips into his crotch so you can feel his half hard cock.

“Why are you already getting hard?” you tease, leaning up to kiss his neck.

“Honestly, I can’t stop staring at your tits. And I am imagining all the things I want to do to them.” He confesses hotly.

The uber ride to his place is short, only 10 minutes and it goes by quickly as you two have one another’s tongues down each others throats. His hands traveling all around your body, he even manages to slip his fingers past your panties to feel how wet you are.

“Fuck I can’t wait to get you inside…” his rapid breaths fan across your face as you nibble on his neck.

“Gonna fuck me?” you whisper quietly, not trying to get heard by the Uber driver, but you could also hardly care if he hears you or not, he gets 5 stars.

“Want you to ride me.” He palms his cock through his pants as he imagines you bouncing on his cock for him.

“If you deserve it like a good boy.” You replace his hand with your own, rubbing him ferociously over his jeans. You haven’t felt dick in months and the feeling is driving you absolutely wild, you haven’t felt this needy in a long time.

The Uber comes to a stop, parking in front of an apartment building. He lets the two of you know you reached your destination. You and Nick giggle as you thank him and stumble out of the car as you follow him to his apartment. He would stop every few seconds to plant kisses on your lips and grab your ass with a tight squeeze. He groans and rolls his eyes back as he explores your body.

“Wait til we’re inside,” you breathe out, your voice silky as hell.

Finally, after a short, kiss filled elevator ride later you arrive at his front door. His lips never leaving yours as he pulls out his keys, fumbling with them until he finds the right one.

He pulls away for a second to unlock the door and desperately pushes it open to let the two of you inside. Your lips are already back on his as you two trip into the entry way of the apartment, you walk him backwards, until his back is against a wall.

The apartment is dark besides the living room TV, you take a second to pull back and admire Nick’s fucked out expression, the blue glow of the TV making everything feel surreal.

You dive back in to kiss him, he prods his tongue into your mouth, swirling it around with yours making you moan into his mouth.

“Hi guys!”

Your eyes shoot open, mouth still attached to Nicks. You push your head back, disconnecting from Nick and yank your head to the left where you see a wild Jungkook sitting on the living room sofa, his mouth full of the cereal he is eating. He is wearing the most shit eating grin you have ever seen on him.

“Jungkook?! What the fuck?” You spit out, totally fucking shocked. Like, obviously.

“Hey man…” Nick breathes out heavily, trying to speak properly, “I thought you would be at Vanessa’s tonight?”

“Nah,” Jungkook smiles, “Dropped her off and came home.”

HOME?

“H-Home?” You look between the two guys, what the fuck does he mean by that. This is Nicks place, right?

“Oh you didn’t know?” Jungkook nods his head toward Nick, “Nick here is my beloved roommate.”

“What the fuck…” you mutter under your breath, trying to understand the mother fucking situation. Were you about to fuck Jungkook’s roommate? Are you still going to is the real question?

“Wait, how do you two even know each other?” Nick starts to look antsy, “Don’t tell me she’s one of the girls you’ve fucked…come on bro, leave some for the rest of us.” He chuckles somewhat bitterly.

“No!” you’re quick to say. You begin smoothing out your skirt, then your hair. “We just…”

“y/n is my bestie!” Jungkook grins, putting the cereal down and standing up. He walks forward until he is making a triangle with you and Nick.

“Was.” You spit out harshly, crossing your arms across your chest. Nick just stands there confused as hell, looking between the two of you.

“Anyway, I should get going.” You turn your body to Nick, a look of apology on your face.

“What? We can just go to my room?” he slurs, tugging on his pants uncomfortably, his boner still apparent.

“Sorry, no longer in the mood.”

You pull out your phone to order an Uber when Jungkook takes your phone from you.

“I’m not drunk, I can drive you.” He offers. You push your head back in disbelief, how does Jungkook have the AUDACITY to offer that to you?

“Why the fuck would I want that?”

“So we can…” His eyes slide over to the ever growing confused Nick, “Talk.”

You haven’t spoken to Jungkook in 3 months and today is finally the day you are able to breathe a little easier and he just has to barge back in.

“Like I said,” You snatch your phone back from him, “Why the fuck would I want that?”

Nick shifts around uncomfortably, his eyes darting from you to Jungkook.

“Well, I am gonna head to my room…uh, bye y/n…it was nice meeting you…I guess…”

You and Jungkook both turn your heads toward Nick at the same time, eyes shooting daggers at him.

“Yeah, bye.” Jungkook dismisses his roommate, his jaw clenching.

“Nice to meet you too…”

Nick walks backward until his back meets his bedroom room, he looks at the two of you one last time before turning around to disappear into his room.

“I said, let me drive you home.”

“And I said, why the fuck would I want that?”

“y/n don’t choose now to be difficult.” Jungkook takes a step closer to you, his hands running through his dark, messy hair. His eyes shut in frustration, “I just want to talk to you.”

“And I don’t want to talk to you.” You take a step back, “Plus, how would your girlfriend feel if you took me home?”

Jungkook’s eyes narrow, his mouth setting in a firm line.

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Could of fooled me and like, everyone else.” You scoff.

Jungkook bites down on his bottom lip, not knowing what to say. While she’s not his girlfriend she’s also not not his girlfriend. It’s complicated.

“Can I please, just please, can I take you home?”

“No, Jungkook. The fucking audacity,” you scoff again, “You haven’t spoken to me in 3 months,” your voice fucking cracks and you feel like dying. “Don’t start now.”

“y/n…” he runs another frustrated hand down his tired face, “I didn’t mean for it to go this long…” “I don’t fucking care, Jungkook.”

You feel your chest begin to burn, and your eyes begin to gloss over but you won’t cry. You won’t give him the satisfaction.

“I want nothing to do with you.”

You stare at the phone in your hands as you begin ordering your Uber when he yanks it from your hands once again, he hides the phone in his back pocket and you snarl.

“What the hell Jeon?”

“I said I am driving you home so we can talk so that’s what we are gonna fucking do, okay?” he grabs your hand and begins walking you towards the front door. There’s something about Jungkook...you decide to listen. You watch silently as he puts on his shoes and grabs his wallet and keys.

“Okay…” you finally answer, your voice timid.

He said you guys are going to talk but the car ride has been mostly silent save the low radio playing in the background. Maybe it’s better this way, you think. You aren’t sober, that’s for sure but you also don’t think you are drunk enough to handle this properly. You decide maybe that’s also for the best.

“You sir, are a fucking asshole.” You speak up, your fingers playing with the zipper of your purse. The car smells like it always does, his fresh laundry car freshener and you get sucked into a million memories linked with this scent.

“I know.” Jungkook eyes you from the driver seat, you shiver from the running AC and so he turns it down, “There’s a blanket in the back if you want to grab it.”

“No thanks, don’t know where that’s been.”

“It’s clean, I promise.”

Your eyes go wide as you recall his last promise to you…”Just a few days. I promise.”

“Yeah, I don’t actually believe in your promises anymore.” You continue to pick at the zipper of your purse, your eyes never leaving the zig and zag of the material.

“I needed space y/n, fucking sue me.” He groans out, his fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“Oh I wish I could.” You snap back.

You feel your chest burn and tighten again, your eyes slightly watering. You have to force them shut to keep from any tears growing.

“I called and texted you every day.” You whisper, his grip getting tighter on the steering wheel.

“I gave you a few days Jungkook. But I never heard from you until 11 at night one night telling me you are fucking moving out.”

“I know, that was…fucked up, I admit. But I had to do what I had to do and I just wish you would let me explain that—”

“No.” you cut him off, “You don’t deserve to explain anything.”

“You mean so much to me y/n…”

“Don’t.”

Jungkook pulls over on the side of the road, turning off the ignition.

“What are you doing?” you sputter out.

He clicks his seatbelt off his body and turns to face you, “Getting comfortable.”

“Why?”

“Will you look at me?” Jungkook tilts his head towards you, “Will you please look at me?”

“No.” you stay facing forward, your hands folded in your lap.

“y/n…please.” His voice sounds strained and you almost feel bad. Almost, but not quite.

You don’t need this…you don’t need him. Ouch, you feel pain in your chest as you think that…oh, the lies you tell yourself.

“Say what you need to say Jungkook, so you can take me home.” Your face stays neutral.

Jungkook sighs out, feeling almost defeated, but not quite.

“I…I am so sorry.” He finally says.

“About what?”

“Everything y/n.” his voice cracks and somehow you feel satisfied.

“You’ll have to be more specific if you ever want my acceptance”

“I know…the first thing I am sorry for is not telling you about Taehyung. That was…that was wrong of me—”

“No shit, but go on.” Your voice stays steady as you speak.

“I was worried about other shit, I was selfish and it’s taking me a long time to forgive myself…but I’ve thought a lot about it these last few months and—and…”

“Oh? You’re worried about you forgiving yourself? Shouldn’t you be a little more concerned about I don’t know, me?”

Jungkook frowns at your words, because well, you’re right. And he’s getting to that part but you keep interrupting him. But he lets you.

“Yes. I am most worried about you, of course.” He breathes out. “You have no idea what these 3 months without you have felt like…”

“Really Jungkook? If anyone knows its fucking me. I went 3 months without you too. You left me!” you start to lose your composure as you speak, your hands gripping on to your poor purse. “When I was going through a really hard time you straight up left me.” You whisper.

“Please believe me…I had my reasons. It was truly for the best y/n.”

“For the best?” you scoff. “You’re such an asshole.”

Jungkook winces at your words, he knows you mean them and that hurts him even more.

“Can you just trust me?” Jungkook blurts out.

Huh? You shake your head, disappointed he would say something so …well, ridiculous.

“Just stop, Jungkook.” You hesitantly roll your eyes, still shaking your head.

Jungkook licks his lips over and over, trying to figure out his next words.

“I really really,” he begins to lose it, his eyes darting all around the car. “just need you to trust me.” He blinks repeatedly, his eyes not focusing on anything in particular.

You, of course, do not believe your ears. Trust him? How could you possibly trust him?

“I just really…I really had my reasons y/n. And I’m sorry, but I just need you to just trust me, that I had my reasons and that I do care about you.” His voice is shaky and you’re uncertain how to take this information.

“I’m confused…” you begin, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “You want me to trust you? Even after you left me? Even after I ‘threw myself’ at you?!”

“You weren’t in the right head space y/n…you were vulnerable and…and you didn’t actually want me. You just were feeling used and rejected and needed something to make you feel wanted. To feel better. You wanted to use me for that and I couldn’t let you. But how much could I handle? You liked one of my friends, dated him…sort of, even slept with him and I had to be your shoulder to cry on when,” his breathing picks up heavily as he tries to speak, “it doesn’t matter.” He grits out.

You sit there…speechless. He wasn’t wrong, was he? You were feeling lost and rejected and used and you just wanted something or someone to feel better and who better than your best friend? But it’s also his fault you needed things to work out with Taehyung in the first place!

“Jungkook—”

“I’m not done.” He breathes out, his hot breath reaching your skin.

“I needed some space to think. But I realized I couldn’t properly think things through if I saw you every day, so yeah, I moved out. I’m sorry…” He runs a hand through his hair, a light chuckle makes it way past his lips “Then I met Vanessa.”

“I don’t want to talk about your little girlfriend.” You turn to face forward in your seat, your eyes glancing at the stop sign ahead.

“I told you, she’s not my girlfriend. But it is complicated.”

You continue to look straight ahead, your heart racing in your chest. The subject of “Vanessa” making you feel anxious.

“Complicated how?” you gulp.

“Don’t worry about it.” He laughs to himself, you turn your head to look at him.

“Are you serious, Jungkook?”

“We fuck y/n.”

“But it’s more than that right?”

“Yeah…” Jungkook bites down on his lip.

You look at him bewildered.

“Do you like her? Love her?”

You grip your purse in your lap, waiting for his answer. How would you feel if he answers yes? Are you brave enough to endure that answer? And if he says no? should you be happy? Should you feel relieved?

“No.” he closes his eyes, he folds his hands in front of him. “It’s complicated.”

You sign in relief—oh. Relief is the emotion you are feeling. Why? Why should it matter?

“Why are you telling me all of this?” you whisper.

“I want to be friends again, y/n.” he says softly, his eyes searching yours.

This is madness, how the hell could you save this friendship? Your face scrunches up and the first couple of tears slide down your cheeks, you shake your head as they continue to fall.

“You don’t know how this makes me feel…” you cry out. “I don’t even know how it makes me feel.”

You miss him, so fucking much and he’s right here offering himself to you. But you ‘re so hurt.

“y/n…I know I hurt you. But you gotta believe me when I say it is the hardest thing I have had to do…you understand that right? I had to do it…you understand right?” he begs.

“You were so quick to abandon me, Jungkook.” You drop your head into your hands, the tears uncontrollable now.

“I…” Jungkook begins to panic, his own eyes glossing over. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. Please y/n…I can make it up to you.”

“Things would never be the same, you get that right?” you bawl into your lap, your words coming out broken.

“Please baby, I just need you in my life again…” Jungkook admits, his own words choppy. He reaches his hand to touch you, to his surprise you don’t flinch. His hand cups the back of your head and he begins to massage it softly.

“I have missed you so much and nothing I mean nothing can replace you.” He hesitates to continue, “trust me…I have tried.”

You sob into your hands harder, the weight of his words crushing you.

“I’m sorry Jungkook but I…I don’t believe you.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen as he absorbs your words, his mouth falls open in shock. Don’t believe him?

“What—what do you mean? What are you saying?” his panic filled voice makes your stomach churn.

“I reject your offer. Now please take me home.” You lift your head and stare straight ahead. “I’m serious.”

Jungkook face twists into a bewildered expression, he doesn’t believe his ears. You…reject him?

“Wait—”

“I said take me home now.” This time you snap your face in his direction, the cold look in your eyes piercing his very soul.

“Okay.”

Hopeless: the dictionary describes it as without hope ; despairing. But in reality, it’s just a picture of Jungkook’s poor, poor face.

Jungkook parks in his designated spot in the lot of his apartment complex, he reverses in because why the hell not. So extra. His drive home was silent… not even the radio on a low volume keeping him company, just complete silence. He turns the car off but doesn’t make a move to get out, he just continues to sit here in his car and sigh out dramatically every 5 seconds.

He’s so confused and lost on what to do. He bangs his head against the steering wheel a few times just for the hell of it, he just…he didn’t think you would reject him. But honestly? Can he blame you? All he’s done lately is be selfish and mess up over and over again. But he wishes you could just trust him but he also wishes he could just tell you the truth. Maybe then you could understand his position and you wouldn’t be mad at him anymore. But he has to wait.

Jungkook’s head is still banging against the steering wheel when more thoughts of you bombard his mind. His breathing picks up and he starts to sniffle, he doesn’t want to cry but you just…you don’t want anything to do with him. He balls his hands into fists and hit the steering wheel over and over causing the horn to go off a few times but he doesn’t care he’s so upset, he just….

When Jungkook saw you tonight for the first time in 3 months he swears his heart actually stopped. He swears it raced so quickly that it just stopped. He let go of Vanessa’s hand so quickly because he wanted to rush to you and hug you close, he wanted to just feel you. Not having touched your skin for the last 3 months…he doesn’t want to imagine even another day.

A few tears slip past his closed lids, he chuckles darkly as he recalls you and Nick. He thought, wow, the universe is cruel and also hilarious. His fucking roommate? He shakes his head, laughing again but his lips remain downward. He feels so fucking helpless right now. But he deserves this, he deserves to feel this pain. He did this to himself and he’s fully aware of that.

Jungkook thinks of your face, he thinks of your smile, he thinks of your eyes and he cries harder, his tears landing on the steering wheel and sliding down landing on to his lap. Yes, he feels like all hope is lost but he knows he cannot give up. He will win you over again one day. He lifts his head and wipes his tear streaked cheeks with the back of his hand and breathes out steadily.

“y/n…” he whispers to himself. Your name leaves his mouth in frustration. He won’t give up. He can’t.

~~~~

“And they were roommates?!” Jimin shouts, a banana half sticking out of his mouth, Trina gasps and whispers “Oh my god they were roommates.”

“Yeah, it was a total shit show.” You bang your head against your breakfast table. Holly rubs your back as she sits next to you.

“Then what happened?” she pries further.

“Yeah what the hell happened y/n!” Jimin yells out.

“He asked to be friends again…and I totally rejected him. Maybe I was too harsh? He was so sad guys…it makes me think…I might agree to kind of being…friends?”

Jimin shuts his eyes as a frown decorates his face, he places a hand on his hip and he inhales a sharp breath, “Listen…you’re both my friends and of course I want you to be good again…but he hurt you …bad.”

“I know Jiminie, but his reasons…” you bite your lip, “Never mind.”

“Well, I don’t like it.” Trina butts in. “He fucking left you, remember?”

“Yes Trina, I fucking remember—”

“Then fucking act like it!”

“Trina relax,” Holly intervenes. “They have a long history, right? It’s hard to just forget about everything…”

Jimin stands from his chair, hands on both hips. “Fine, if we are doing this…then you better actually try. Don’t half ass shit, if you’re going to be friends then don’t be an asshole to him, don’t make snarky remarks…I know your ass.”

Jimin has a good point, you haven’t actually thought about how you will act.

“I’ll be a good girl.” You raise your right arm to salute him.

“Fucking smart ass.” He rolls his eyes.

“Are we serious right now?” Trina shakes her head, “You moped around for 3 fucking months y/n. You cried every time you even thought of Jungkook…which was a fucking lot.” She points out, “Listen, you stayed strong when you talked to him in the car. Don’t break just because you feel bad for the dude because he’s fucking pitiful. He doesn’t deserve your pity girl. He’s an asshole!”

“Trina, be nice.” Holly says sternly, reaching forward to grab on to Trina’s hand. Trina visibly relaxes and nods her head towards Holly and smiles softly.

You and Jimin share a look. Are they….?

“You…” You slam your eyes shut, Trina’s words ringing loudly in your ears. You know she’s right. “I’ll think about it some more. For now, I gotta get ready for work.”

~~~~

“Doesn’t Hazel look so pretty here?” Adam shoves his phone in your face as he gushes about his girlfriend.

“Yes dude, she’s so pretty.” You deadpan. “Now can you please put the brownies in the oven? We’re low.”

“Wait wait…here’s one of us together at the park.” He nudges his phone in your hands, you roll your eyes but you take it.

The two of them are sitting on a park bench, she’s leaning into his frame and they both have wide smiles on their faces. They seem so in love. And you know they are because fucking Adam reminds you every 20 seconds.

“Their love makes me sick.” Jade walks over, her hands patting down on her work apron, her tone is bland but she still tries to smile. “Like, we get it.”

“Who loves who more?” you begin with a toothy grin, “Adam to Hazel or Lenny to the sugar cookies?” you laugh while pointing at said Lenny stuffing his face with the reject cookies. Jade and Adam chuckle while they stare at him.

“Hey guys, really?” Lenny says with his mouth full. “You know I feel bad when we throw them away.” He pouts, crumbs decorating his lips.

“Lenny I catch you eating fresh ones all the time!” Adam points out.

“Sometimes they’re a little ugly…” Lenny reasons, “So I…”

“You don’t have to explain my guy, you just really love your cookies.” You hand Adam back his phone as you head towards the walk in freezer to take out the brownies yourself. You load up a tray and stick those suckers in the oven.

“You’re useless Adam.” Jade sticks a piece of gum in her mouth and chews obnoxiously “U-s-e-l-e-s-s. Useless.”

“You’re always so mean to me Jade what did I ever do to you?”

All 4 of you shoot your heads up when you hear the bell go off on the door of the bakery, its loud chime signaling the arrival of a customer.

“Oh.” Jade says while popping a bubble. “It’s your usual customer y/n.”

You tilt your head towards the front of the store to get a look at who she is talking about, and yup its him. Your most consistent customer who orders the same damn thing every single day. 2 oatmeal raisin cookies and that’s it.

“Can someone else just take care of him today?” you whine, “I’m not in the mood to argue.”

“You know he’s just going to ask for you…” Lenny says stuffing his face with another cookie.

“God damn it.” You huff out, you grab two gloves from the box on the counter and begin walking towards the front of the store.

You reach the front counter and take in your enemy—you mean, your customer.

“And what do I owe the pleasure Mister Oatmeal Raisin?” you raise a brow towards the man. He’s only a few inches taller than you, his hair is a sandy color today and you hate to admit it looks good on him.

“You know you could just call me by name.” the man sways side to side with a smirk on his face.

“I like Mister Oatmeal Raisin.”

He has been coming to this store for the last couple of months and you two…don’t necessarily get along swimmingly. He complains a lot and is a total smart ass. And you? Well, you’re not much better.

“Well, I’ll have my usual.” He smiles, “And you know the drill, please make sure there is a normal amount of raisins and not a million, I don’t want 8 raisins a bite. But one every now and then.”

You roll your eyes extremely dramatically, pressing the buttons on the screen for his order.

“Sir yes sir.” You salute towards him, “How could I not know the drill?”

“That’s the spirit.”

You spin on your heels and head towards the back to heat up his two cookies. You carefully select one cookie with barely any raisins and one cookie with a million, just like he didn’t want. You cackle to yourself as you place them in the baggy, feeling beyond satisfied.

“How haven’t you gotten fired?” Adam crosses his arms over his chest as he watches you, “And how hasn’t he complained about you? You do this every time I don’t get it.”

“He likes her.” Jade says plainly while scrolling through her phone.

“As fucking if!” you scoff, “He wants nothing but to annoy me!” But you can’t help but smile.

“He literally only asks for you every time you’re in.” Lenny reasons, “but you shouldn’t like him back…he likes the worst cookie on the menu. Sugar is where it’s at.”

You laugh at your coworker while walking back up towards the front of the store, reaching the counter.

“Your cookies!” you hand him the baggy with an evil smirk, “I hope you enjoy them.” You wink.

The man opens the baggy and inspects each cookie and with his own evil smirk he winks back at you, “Are we serious right now?” his sly smile doesn’t leave his face as he begins to complain, “You are such a brat.”

“$4 Mister Oatmeal Raisin.”

He hands you the cash, you put it away quickly and with a wide smile you gesture towards the door for him to leave.

“Min Yoongi.” He shakes the bag of cookies in front of him, “Not Mister Oatmeal Raisin.” He turns around and starts walking towards the door but before he exits he tilts his head to look at you one last time, “See you tomorrow…y/n.”

You feel a harsh blush creep up on your cheeks, or your whole face actually. Maybe your whole body. You feel taken aback he knows your name but then you remember you have a god damn name tag.

“Uh…yeah.”

“See you tomorrow…y/n.” all 3 of your coworkers mock in a deep voice.

“Shut up guys!” you whine into your hands, “Can we please just get back to work!”

~~~~~

A few weeks later

The drive to Jimin’s is a quick 7 minutes but you did take a little detour. You decided to stop at the pizzeria that’s on the way and grab a hot pizza for the two of you.

“Hehe.” You look over to the steamy food sitting in the passenger seat.

Jimin has been such a great friend to you all this time and you feel like you’ve never really thanked him…so, tonight you two are going to have a fun night in—he just doesn’t know it yet.

Who doesn’t love being surprised with food?

You pull up to Jimin’s apartment complex and after driving in circles you finally find a parking spot. You grab your purse, your backpack, and the pizza and make your way up to his apartment.

You knock on his front door a few times but get no answer. Maybe he’s not home? No, you definitely hear music coming from the other side…so, you decide to call him.

“Hello?”

“Jimin~ let me in!” you sing into the phone.

“You’re—you’re here?”

“Let me in already!” and with that you hang up and wait patiently outside the door.

A few moments pass before the door is opening up, when Jimin really registers that it’s you he’s kind of closing the door until only his face is shown through the crack.

“Ummm…yes?”

You quirk a brow at the boy, “What do you mean ‘yes?’ let me in!” you begin walking forward when a panicked Jimin opens the door wider to let himself outside and shut the door behind him.

“y/n…why are you here? Did we have plans tonight?” he looks down at the pizza in your hands.

“Not exactly…” you admit, “But I figured we could have a night in.”

Jimin frowns. Fucking frowns!

“Or not?” you say awkwardly.

You hear some sort of banging on the other side of the door and then it clicks.

“Oh? You have someone over?” you smirk.

“Uhhh…no. Nothing like that.” Jimin’s eyes slide to the side as he tries to think of what to say next.

“Babe—”

“Jimin!”

The door is being swung wide open and your eyes travel from some horrendous toes socks to some tight jeans to a striped t shirt to yes, Jungkook’s surprised face.

“Oh.” You both say at the same time.

You and Jungkook stare at one another for a few moments, neither of your eyes leaving the other when Jimin clears his throat.

“Sorry y/n. Jungkook is already over…” he gives you an apologetic smile.

“Is it just you two?” you ask quietly.

“Huh? Uh, yeah.”

You glance down at the pizza and think to yourself. You and Jungkook may not be friends but you can be civil? Yeah, totally! You can definitely be civil! You already bought this fucking pizza so you and Jimin are going to eat it! And you guess, Jungkook too.

“Okay, let me in.” you start shoving your way past Jimin, you watch as his and Jungkook’s eyes go wide.

“Maybe you didn’t hear him, but I am already hanging out with him?” Jungkook sputters out. He awkwardly moves to the side anyway to let you through.

“I can be civil with you Jungkook. Plus, I don’t want this pizza to go to waste. So let’s eat.” You walk through, nudging the pizza box into Jungkook’s hands, he takes it while looking at Jimin with shocked eyes.

Jimin just shrugs and follows you inside.

“Yeah, let’s eat.” He says nonchalantly.

Jungkook is left at the door with the pizza in his hands as he is left completely dumbfounded. He is malfunctioning.

“Jungkook?” you call out over your shoulder, “Hurry up, I’m hungry!”

“Yeah, Jungkook hurry up!” Jimin smirks, he isn’t totally sure what’s going on but he kind of likes it.

“So what were you guys doing before I got here?” you shove an entire slice of pizza down your throat, the sauce getting left behind on your lips.

“I was teaching Jungkook some of my dance moves…we made a bet that he couldn’t learn the entire routine in 3 times…and—”

“Let me guess, he fucking learned it.” You laugh.

Jimin groans, his head thrown back as he begins nodding his head ‘yes.’

“So annoying! What can’t he do!” Jimin throws the pizza crust in the box and Jungkook immediately picks it up and eats it.

“Pshh, I could name a few things.” You point out bitterly. “But we won’t get into that.”

“Yeah, please don’t.” Jimin pleads.

“I’m curious…what is it you think I cant do?” Jungkook quirks a brow at you and your eyes darken in his direction.

“You really want me to?” you take a napkin and wipe your lips, “It’s nothing nice.” You admit.

“Oh then yes, please don’t.” Jungkook is quick to say.

“Yes, please don’t.” Jimin begs again.

The 3 of you are sitting on the living room floor, maybe only 30 minutes or so has passed by and it’s not too awkward. But it’s not necessarily comfortable either. Jimin looks between you and Jungkook constantly, waiting for someone to crack but neither of you really speak to each other. Both of you really only communicating with Jimin.

“So Jimin, are you going to show me another routine?”

“Why? So you can prove you’re the master of everything again? No thanks.”

“Jimin, maybe you can show me a few steps?”

Jimin smiles awkwardly while Jungkook is quick to burst out laughing. You snap your head towards Jungkook and raise your brows at him.

“Why is Jungkook laughing, Jimin?”

“Umm…” Jimin smiles softly, “You aren’t the most…”

Jungkook laughs harder as he watches Jimin trying to explain.

“Aren’t the most…?” You tilt your head towards the boy.

“C’mon y/n don’t make me say it…” Jimin drags out his words in a whine, he plays with his fingers, looking around the room awkwardly.

“Just say it Jimin.” Jungkook chuckles out.

“If you’re trying to say I’m a bad dancer, we all know that’s not true!” you defend once you catch on, you pout at the boys.

“Well…”

“You have both told me I am a good dancer!”

“Well, you know how to move. But steps…following a routine…that’s different. You aren’t very coordinated.” Jimin finally admits, a sheepish grin on his face.

“He means you can roll your hips but your feet are clumsy as fuck.” Jungkook says, still laughing at the situation.

“Shut up.” You glare at Jungkook.

“No, he’s right.” Jimin begins laughing as well, he looks at you and smiles. Well, if Jimin is saying it…maybe it might be true. It’s not like you didn’t kind of know. But still!

“Fine, whatever. Don’t teach me then.”

Suddenly, Jimin’s phone is going off and he rushes to the kitchen to answer it. You and Jungkook eat your pizza in silence, awkwardly catching one another’s gaze.

“So—”

“Don’t talk to me.” You cut in. Jimin isn’t here so it’s not like you have to be totally social with Jungkook.

“Oh.” Jungkook dramatically slumps his shoulders and pouts. You watch him as he throws a silent fit like the baby he is. “Okay.”

Jimin walks back into the living room looking annoyed, he stands between you two and throws a hand on his hip.

“I have to go down to the front office, there was a mix up in packages…I shouldn’t take too long…” he bites down on his plump bottom lip, “Please be civil while I’m gone. Jungkook…” he looks at the boy then at you, “y/n…” he warns.

“Sir yes sir!” you salute towards your friend with a straight face.

Jimin only narrows his eyes as he looks between you two.

“I’m serious…” he says.

Then he is putting on some shoes and heading out the front door, the soft click making you shudder. You’re alone with Jungkook.

A few minutes pass and you both awkwardly just sit there, sometimes catching the other looking. You finally huff out and accidentally giggle.

“What’s funny?” Jungkook’s curiosity getting the best of him.

“It’s just…I feel like we’re Jimin’s divorced parents and we’re trying to be civil for our child.”

Jungkook stares at you with scrunched brows, then looks away while a chuckle escapes his lips.

“Yeah. You’re right.”

You only nod your head in response. You two go back to the awkward silence.

You aren’t used to this…this awkward and odd silence that lingers between you two. It feels so fucking suffocating you almost wish you were on total talking terms so you didn’t have to endure this shit show.

“You know I could…no, forget it.” Jungkook bites his nails as he speaks, “I…”

“What?” you don’t mean to snap at him, but somehow even talking with an attitude feels better than not talking at all.

“I was going to say…I could teach you some steps…then you could surprise Jimin. He’s been working on a salsa piece…I can teach you some? Then maybe he will stop talking shit on your dancing.” Jungkook laughs awkwardly.

“Wait—he talks shit?!” somehow this doesn’t surprise you in the least.

“Only a little.” Jungkook shows you how little with his pointer finger and thumb. “But uh, want me to show you?”

“I don’t even want to talk to you, you think I want to dance with you?” you raise a brow in amusement. You forget this boy has all the audacity.

“Dancing doesn’t have to have any talking.” Jungkook states with a sly smile.

“So you’re just going to show me the steps?”

“Precisely.”

You don’t know why, but this sounds better than actually speaking and/or just sitting in miserable silence. And maybe, just maybe you have a desire to be close to him.

“You think I could learn in time before Jimin gets back?”

“With me as your teacher? Definitely.” He fucking smirks at you and you can’t help but feel that feeling in your stomach. Not necessarily a bad feeling but a fucking feeling.

Jungkook stands to his feet and extends his hand out to you for you to take.

“Here, stand up.”

Your eyes travel from his hands to his eyes and you blink lazily at him…wait, you’re really doing this? He stares down at you and he smiles softly and it creates a warmth in your chest that you’re trying so hard to ignore. You can’t.

Even so, you hesitantly begin to reach up to grab on to his hand, once your skin touches his you feel it. The burning. You should be used to it but right now, the fire is raging and the heat is almost too much. But you let him close his hand over yours as he helps you up.

You’re now standing in front of one another, in complete silence again. But this time it’s not awkward—no, it’s a different type of tension. Your hand lingers in his, neither of you brave enough to let go of the other. Jungkook looks down at you and you up at him, and you feel a million things. But the number one thing you feel is pain. You slowly pull your hand back and break eye contact with him, your head dropping low.

“Show me already.” You whisper.

“Shh, no talking.” Jungkook quietly demands. “Only speak with your body.” He puts some music on the speakers and smirks at you.

Jungkook steps closer to you and you stay grounded in your spot, you can feel the heat of his body begin to radiate and warm you. One of his hands find yours, he weaves his fingers through your own and puts one hand on your hip, he looks down at you to warn you this is how he will guide you.

“Just follow me.”

“You said no talking Mr.Jeon.” you say almost under your breath as you stare into his eyes. Jungkook rolls his head back with a smirk on his face, he looks at you and nods.

He puts his left foot forward and steps with his right foot in the same place at center, then puts his left foot back again. You try to copy his moves but even with such simple steps you step on his feet. He looks up at you disapprovingly. You only smile at him.

You two continue to try these steps until you finally manage to understand them even just a little bit. Jungkook brings your body closer to his as you two move your hips to the music while following the simple steps. His chest flush against your own, his heart beating so loudly you can feel it. Your heart isn’t any better. You start to finally get the hang of it, the music slowly taking you to another place. Jungkook moves his hips to the beat so flawlessly and honestly? You’re doing pretty fucking good if you do say so yourself.

Jungkook’s grip on your hip tightens as he grinds himself closer to you, you feel lightheaded as you two dance to the song. Your breathing getting just a little heavier and you feel lost and pathetic but you’re too immersed in the dance to care. Jungkook finds his head falling into the crook of your neck, his hot breaths fanning against your sensitive skin and you find your hand skimming up his back until you have a handful of his hair. You lightly tug on his locks and Jungkook quietly groans. You don’t know if you’re even doing the right steps anymore, your feet moving all around the place, but somehow it’s working. You’re still following his lead and you’re sure the dance looks somewhat okay. All you care about is how both of your hips move to the beat of the music and into each other. You two are so in sync its driving you nuts.

Jungkook lifts his head and watches as you close your eyes and he closes his own eyes, his head falling forward, your foreheads close to touching. You feel so dizzy, so light and airy, so fucking great like you’re floating. You can’t help but feel the heat creep up your entire body, you feel sweat start to build as you two move. You tighten your hands around Jungkook’s neck and pull him down impossibly close, until his forehead is touching yours. Your harsh breaths mingling with his. You get dragged into the memory of when he had you pinned to his dorms mattress, you recall how his lips left kisses all along your throat, his hot breath reminding you of the past. You think of how he rolled his hips into you effortlessly then as well, you think of how you scraped your nails down his back as he thrusted into you. God, you need to think of something else but Jungkook is filling your mind.

Jungkook’s breathing picks up again, as does yours. Your memories making this dance that much more sensual. You remember the way Jungkook nibbled on your ear as he let filthy words spill from his mouth when he fucked you. God, you should not be thinking this but his body feels so good. God, you should think of anything…literally anything else. You remember how he held you close much like how he is right now. You two continue dancing to the song that is soon coming to an end. You know exactly how it feels to have Jungkook inside you, moving and stilling. You know exactly what it feels like to come all around his cock. God, you need to stop. You need to slow your breathing. God, you…you…you...he continues to guide you along to the music when you feel something hard poke against you. Oh. Oh. OH. Hard. He’s hard.

Immediately, you pull back and take several clumsy steps backward. You blink at him with wide eyes when you realize that maybe he was recalling the same memories as you. Your wide eyes concerning Jungkook.

“Okay, that’s enough lessons for today.” Your harsh breaths don’t go unnoticed by Jungkook, his own breathing quite unsteady.

“Right.” Jungkook mumbles.

You two stand around for a few moments, just taking in the experience you just shared.

You still feel…how do you feel? You just shared a hot dance with your best friend? Wait—ex best friend? You don’t know. The memory of his body moving with yours, his skin touching your skin, his breaths on your neck, his hair balled up in your hands. God, it felt so good.

But so wrong.

“Umm…thanks.” You finally say.

Jungkook perks up at the gratitude, even if it’s somewhat forced. His frown turns into a small smile and you can’t help but smile back.

“I miss you y/n.” Jungkook instantly regrets it by the look on your face. Your expression turning hard. “Sorry I—”

“No, I miss you too.” You answer honestly. “But this doesn’t change anything.”

“But why not? Do you really not want me in your life for like, ever?”

Jungkook’s questions settle deep within you. The depth they hold…it’s too much. You wonder? Is this anti-Jungkook thing permanent? Or are you just trying to teach him a lesson?

Jungkook rubs his temples as he thinks, he sighs out instead of talking more.

“Not forever.” You finally say. Jungkook looks at you, a sliver of hope flashes across his face.

“But when?” he asks softly.

Yeah y/n. When? You know you both can’t go back to how things use to be but maybe starting over? God, you don’t know what to do! You know someone like Trina will be disappointed you became friends with Jungkook again so quickly, but you know someone like Jimin would be happy his two friends are back to being on okay terms. Why are you trying to please everybody? What do you want?

“Will you ever give up?” you say a little more lightly.

“No…” he says under his breath, his eyes focusing on the TV. “Not until you agree to be my friend again.”

You look at Jungkook with disbelief written all over your face, this boy has the fucking audacity once again. You’re amused though.

“Excuse me?” you say, cleaning your ear out with your point finger. “I didn’t catch that.”

Jungkook looks into your eyes, his eyes are large and doe like and it brings you back to every moment ever that he has given you this look.

“You’re stuck with me until you love me again.” He says more firmly.

“Who said,” you look at him with soft eyes, “That I ever stopped loving you?”

Jungkook smiles, he fucking smiles. His adorable bunny smile that makes your heart race.

“You still love me?”

“Only a little.” You jut your lip out, “I mostly hate you.”

Jungkook only frowns for a second before he is smiling again, “That’s fair.”

The two of you stand in comfortable silence for a few minutes, you sway back and forth wondering what you want to say to him—you miss him, of course but…

“Let’s take it slow.” You finally break the silence. You miss him more than anything and it might be worth it to have him in your life again, “You aren’t going to be a priority in my life anymore.” You crack you knuckles, the sound filling up the room.

“I know,” Jungkook feels his heart twist at your words but at least it’s something. “We can go however slow you want y/n.”

“You are on—”

“Thin fucking ice, buddy. I know.”

You exhale a shaky breath, thinking about how to go about this, “We can text every now and then, I’m not sure I want to hang out with you quite yet.”

“Okay.”

“Maybe a group hang out first…”

“I’d like that.”

Jungkook reaches over to grab your hand but you pull back, “That’s a no from me for the affection.”

Hurt flashes across Jungkook’s features but he softens up as he nods his head. “Noted.”

You wonder if you’re making the right decision. This wasn’t easy, you know? This actually felt quite hard. But somehow you feel like some weight has been lifted off your shoulders, like things maybe just maybe will be okay.

“I won’t push myself on you, I promise.” Jungkook sits back down on the floor, crossing his legs.

“Just be yourself, Jungkook.”

“If I wanted to be myself I would be hugging you right now but that’s apparently off limits.” He jokes.

“One hug.” You open your arms timidly. You feel one hug can’t be too bad?

Jungkook widens his eyes in pleasant surprise. He stands to his feet again and opens his own arms.

“C’mere.”

You watch in disbelief as he grins with his arms wide open, expecting you to go to him! And you do. You fucking do.

His arms wrap around you, he pushes you into his chest and you feel so fucking good. So warm, so cozy. His scent making you feel dizzy again, his warmth causing you to heat up. You lean back and look at his content face, he honestly looks so fucking content. Like, this hug is everything to him. And maybe it is, but you don’t know that.

“Uh, am I interrupting something?” you both snap your heads toward the front door to see Jimin standing there with a package in his hands.

“I can come back later?” he smirks at you two.

“No no no no!” you drop your arms from hugging Jungkook and take a few steps back, “We were just—”

“We made up, Jimin.” Jungkook says calmly with the softest smile you’ve ever seen on him.

“We’re taking it slow!” you rush to say.

“Oh?” Jimin winks, he walks forward until he’s in the living room joining you two. “Does this mean you will be joining us this Thursday at Jungkook and Nick’s place?”

“Huh?”

Jungkook shifts on his feet, “Yeah, uh, me and Nick are having a small get together on Thursday…you can bring whoever you want…but you’re definitely invited.”

“Before I answer that…Jimin how did you not know about Nick and him being Jungkook’s roommate?”

“Listen! Jungkook is always HERE! I never go over there! The few times I was there Nick was never home okay?!” Jimin whines obnoxiously.

“Okay, whatever. And Jungkook, I said—”

“You said group hang outs.” Jungkook pouts.

Oh. You did say that. But this soon? And is she going to be there?

You chew on your lips before answering, “Okay. But I’m bringing Trina and Holly.”

“Oh bro, Trina is not your biggest fan.” Jimin cuts in.

“Yeah, I know how she is I already anticipated that.” Jungkook shrugs, he looks at you with a small smile.

Okay, starting over? Taking it slow? Can you and Jungkook do this? You look between the boys and smile,

“Okay. See you boys on Thursday.”

#bts #bts smut #bts angst #bts fluff #jeon jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #taehyung angst