#this is a i am fucking dying from heartbreak here is why album

[straightfromthetorturedpoetsdept]

yall are already trying to paternity test the songs but this album is about HER. fucks sake yall.

#personal #taylor swift #ttpd leak #the tea is fun and shocking but like no this is not a matty album #this is a i am fucking dying from heartbreak here is why album #this is a i have fucking problems album #please yall dont ruin this already.

[the-nation-of-today]

Actually no I AM gonna go on a rant about Vale because it kills me and the way it's treated compared to the other albums KILLS ME.

I get why they don't like to acknowledge it I really do. It was not a great era for the band overall and Vale is sort of the representation of that. I've seen the videos of them performing Vale (This Is Where It Ends) with tears in their eyes. But that's ALSO WHY it's so heartbreaking that it's barely acknowledged. Not only is it musically a good album, conceptually it is the crystalized form of all of bvb's struggles and hardships. It is the most desperate sounding album, it's a cry for help. But here's the thing, to acknowledge that cry for help is IMPORTANT. Vale is the final chapter of the wild ones yes but that veneer is SO thin like it doesn't take much critical thinking to understand that Vale is at its core about the band itself. To acknowledge that your band was at the brink of destruction, that this thing you nurtured since you were 16 years old was dying, it's as important as saying that you're here. Because you're ACKNOWLEDGING that you survived. Here's all of the hardships and struggles and look at us we made it out alive. You cannot have a phoenix rising from the ashes without it first burning alive.

And on that note yes they play Wake Up it's a setlist staple BUT reducing Vale to just Wake Up doesn't do the album justice at all, in fact I think it does it a disservice and that's coming from THEEE Wake Up girlie. Wake Up is, arguably, the most and one of the only triumphant songs on the album, maybe only My Vow could be considered triumphant as well. Wake Up is the classic bvb battle cry, the rally to say that we will be here even when they're all gone. In its own context, that's all it is. But what about all of the other songs? Most every other song in some way has that tone of desperation or dread or anxiety. I swear this time is gonna be the last one, I'm gonna get out if it's the last thing that I do, I'm not the hope, I could keep going and naming lyrics but the fact of the matter is that this album is not appreciated the way it damn well should be.

And maybe in the future they'll come back around to it. Maybe in the future we'll get an acknowledgement on the album's anniversary and they'll play more songs from it. Maybe in the future it'll have a resurgence and be as respected as the rest of bvb's discography. But until then, I'm gonna scream it from the fucking rooftops even if I'm the only voice that does. Vale is a good album. It is part of your history. It is a battle scar, and one that should be worn proudly.

#black veil brides #bvb #vale #vale bvb #valeposting #maeve.txt #this wasn't spurred by anything in particular #i was just ranting about this to motley a few days ago and needed to get my thoughts out more #I just think this album deserves so much more than being ignored besides the one (1) single #if none of this makes sense just like let me be

[vlogsquadssquad]

secure

summary: Charlie puth invites David to a get together where David meets y/n and they hit it off.

a/n: a teensy weensy bit angst but im 100% making a part 2 of this with a happy ending so no worries!!!!!!!!!

warnings: language

mood board:

-- 3RD PERSON DD & CP

“hey what are your plans for Saturday?” Charlie asked David as they finished up a bit for the vlog.

“umm, nothing really. im kind of in a fog right now. why?” David took a bite of his apple.

“well im throwing a small little kickback at my house. a few of my music friends are coming and it might get you some good connections, if you'd like.”

“dude, that's fucking sick! name drop! is Selena Gomez gonna be there?” David asked excitedly.

“no, no, Selena doesn't really do too many social events anymore. she's going through a lot...” David raised his eyebrow as Charlie looked to the ground. “but you know who will be there? y/f/n!” 

“shut the fuck up dude are you serious?” Davids heart dropped at the thought of y/n at the party. he's been crushing on her for a bit, and has been dying to meet her. 

“yeah, I mean she texted me she would, why are you all giddy?” Charlie punched David on the shoulder playfully, but secretly didn't want David to say he had a crush on her because truth was, so did Charlie. what's not to like? she's humble, kind, funny, easy-going, and down for anything. 

“oh, uhh... no reason, just she's a pretty popular singer right now. good clickbait.” David said with nervousness in his voice. he didn't want to admit that he had a crush when he hasn't even met her.

“alright, well ill see you at the kickback then. bring some friends!” Charlie tried not to sound worried or suspicious. he’d have to keep an eye on the two.

-- YOUR POV

I really hate going to parties. but Charlie promised it would be chill and just a way to destress. ive been in a fog with my album im writing. I have great songs but I need two more and im stuck on what to write about. maybe the party will be a good thing. 

-texts w - Charles 🤪 -

< should I wear something casual or ?? are we dressing nicer lol

you look great in everything! >

maybe party casual if that's a thing? >

< thought it was a kickback you ass! lol but thanks for the heads up. see you there, Charles! 😉

-end texts-

he hated when i called him Charles but i love messing with him. after careful examining of the clothes i had, i decided to go as I was. it was an easy going outfit but I still looked put together. I had no one to impress anyways. 

-- 1st PERSON DD 

“dude, im so nervous.” i whispered to Ilya, who knew of my crush. 

“its fine man, don't be a pussy.” i took a drink of my water and grabbed my camera to film with Benny Blanco a little he always had something funny or interesting to say.

“Charles!” I heard from the living room. i didn't think anything of it and kept filming with Benny and Jeff. a little while goes by and then Benny looks over my shoulder.

“hey, y/n/n! so good to see you!” i froze. y/n went and gave benny an inviting hug and then turned to me. her eyes were easy to melt into.

“hi, good to see you, im y/n” she went in for a hug. she smelled beautiful.

“oh, hi. im David. big fan.” 

“and im Jeff, wow you look so great, can I get you a drink?”

i rolled my eyes at Jeff trying to make a move. of course he's into the same girl I am.

“oh, im ok, I actually don't really like to drink.” she's so kind and gentle as she speaks. 

“so how is the album coming?” benny asks her.

“its... not.” she laughs lightly but I can tell she's stressed. is it too early to tell her I already know her inside and out? am I crazy for watching all her interviews, tiktoks, and instagram stories? 

“im in a fog,” she looks to the ground. how are we already so compatible? “I want two more songs but im having trouble finding a conclusion to the story im telling. maybe there isn't one, I don't know.”

“what's the story you're trying to tell?” I ask feeling very brave and comfortable already.

“basically my current dating life.” she slightly blushes. “its so hard dating and every time I start to like a guy or I know of him and I already have a crush on him, it doesn't end well. and I have these little romances I write about but they all end in either piggy behavior or ghosting.” we laughed along with her. her smile was radiating.

“maybe I can help, do you wanna go to Charlie’s studio?” Benny asks her.

“you're an angel! yes! ill repay you in food.” she laughs. as they walk out, Im watching her. she moves so flawlessly. “hey, you can come too. might get something good for the vlog.” she smiles to me. my heart is beating out of my chest. she watches my videos or at least knows of me. “cool, thank you.” I say trying to remain calm. she also pulls Charlie in and he drapes his arm around her shoulder. they're just friends.

as we get seated in the room, Benny starts asking her questions. “so, we know what message you're giving but how are you delivering it for the album? what's the feeling? want to play us a song that captures the vibe?” 

“well I only have the instrumentals for the songs but I can play one live?” 

“great, lets do it.” Charlie smiled to her as he handed her a mic.

“don't post this anywhere, David” she warned.

she brought warmth to my cheeks. “nope, ill only use it as blackmail.”

her laugh was such a gift. I could tell jokes all day just to hear her laugh again. 

she played a beautiful song that was slow and powerful and all about heartbreak. it hurt to hear her go through that. then benny asked for another song. this one was more pop. like id hear it on the radio, but still deep. 

the rest of the night was them composing songs and some stupid jokes here and there. safe to say she's the most down to earth and funny person in the room. the fans will go crazy that im here with her. im going crazy that im here with her. 

-- YOUR POV

I spent the whole night in the studio with some amazing people. I found myself taking it all in and being so thankful for my life. ive known of David and watched his vlogs pretty frequently too, but being with him was a whole different experience. he gave great advice and genuinely helped me through some of my block. he gave a listeners point of view and had fresh ears. it was nice. he even offered to walk me to my car.

“I figured you'd have like a limo waiting for you outside or something.” he joked as we walked toward the street.

“nope, that's just youtubers.” I joked back.

he laughed, “ouch.” 

“thank you for your input tonight.” he chuckled. “no, I really mean it. I think I know exactly how I want to end the album.” I look into his eyes as my back is pushed against my car. 

“where's your mind at?” he looks back to me.

“loving myself. I know it sounds cliche, but isn't the greatest romance of all, the love you have for yourself? tonight was the most fun ive had, and it was just hanging out with friends talking about endless things.”

he nods as he takes my words in. “you're really secure with yourself. I like that. its going to be a great album.”

he leans in and for a moment I think he's going to kiss me which I don't need right now. then I see his hands go low to the handle of my car door and he opens it for me.

“oh, I can't take a hint, huh?” I joke with him.

“no, not at all. I just know you're excited to go home and write your new hit.” he says almost seriously.

“thank you” I whisper. “and also, can I get your number? id love to do something fun for the vlogs.” 

-- DAVIDS POV, NEXT DAY

“il, it couldn't have gone better! she asked for my number, bro!”

“that's fucking sick. imagine you dating one of americas sweetheart, music icons.” Ilya pokes at David.

“its not a fucking joke, I really think there was something there but id really like to get to know her better.”

“who are we talking about?” Charlie asks as he enters the room. David had texted him to meet up for a bit they were doing.

“uh, no one.” im quick to reply knowing they're` great friends and I don't want any drama.

“oh ok... so what'd you think of y/n?” he asks me.

“oh she's great, yeah, I was editing some last night and I think I'll keep some parts in.”

“yeah, she's so easy to be around. I think im gonna ask her out, she's kind of the girl of my dreams, and im like 99% sure she's in love with me too.” he says almost marking his territory. 

I look to Ilya and he just half smiles. “oh, that's great man. yeah you should ask her out if you're in love with her. she's a great catch.” my chest falls as I say it aloud. I really thought she liked me. 

part 2

#davids vlogs #david dobrik #david dobrik fanfiction #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik x reader #David dobrik fanfic #David dobrik imagines #vlog squad #vlog squad imagines #vlog squad fan fiction #Charlie puth #Charlie puth fanfic #Charlie puth imagine #Charlie puth fan fiction

[electric-marrow]

mouth dreams review but it was typed live while i was listening to it and completely unedited

under the cut because it’s 1800+ words. also, swearing. actual review to come soon!!

mouth dreams' first track is ephemeral and beautiful, spine-chilling and moving. it rocks you into this world in a beautiful passageway, like the entrance to sakaar, and the moment it peaks over into the twilight opening you are almost on the verge of tears.

and then we will rock you kicks in.

/and then the spongebob squarepants opening theme kicks in/.

and then the two motherfucking /sync/.

a beautiful piece of childhood, worked over another. beautiful guitar overlaid with beautiful chanting almost powerful.

the next song uses extensive sentence mixing, but is cut so smoothly that we are convinced Cash is offering up an absurd, painstakingly honest tale. "it's probably a good train." fuck, fuck, yes, it probably is. "my mama was my train." fuck, she was...

the instrumentals are soul-rising, and the "baby, baby, baby" undercurrent is eargasmic. everything about it feels like you're listening to your dying mentor's backstory.

it moves you, and you keep moving. this whole album keeps you in constant motion, as if you yourself have some falling to do.

and then he says "i shit my pants". and you realise, this is it, this is NEIL'S ALBUM, oh, how foolish you were for forgetting.

HELL YES IT'S FUCKING PSYCHO KILLER. let me pause the review of that song, fuck yes.

a heavily sentence-mixed "pyscho killer" focusing on david byrne's bed, overlaid atop the iconic instrumentals of super freak.

this makes the talking heads classic seem like an upbeat song you might hear on the radio. it's much less somber, more passionate.

neil's humor pokes through visibly, shining like a beacon of light that brings a smile to your tear-stained face.

there's no room to breathe on this album; the songs come running together in the most gorgeous of ways. holy shit, am i only twelve minutes in? i think i might sob.

this one is unfamiliar at first—i only saw the partridge family once or twice as a kid. the remixing is smooth, so that it sounds natural.

so natural that when it starts to sound unnatural, it's a terrifying work of art that made me shake. a plea with you to be happy, almost a demand, like they're outside your windows.

the music starts to dance from ear to ear, and it's almost masterful in the horror it invokes.

and then there's scatting. or, what sounds like it.

and then you realise it's the chili's babyback ribs ad. it's soulful, placed atop everybody wants to rule the world in smooth ease.

that's when marilyn manson starts shrieking. the roughness, the rasp, smacking against that smooth drawl. it's a beautiful juxtaposition.

oh, and then the lion sleeps tonight is there. somehow, it fits. you start to revel in neil's genius. no one will ever be able to achieve this again, not in the same way. this is the beacon that you needed in these dark times.

you wonder if you'll cry the next time you hear this.

it's a pretty effective ad, actually. if marilyn manson advertised everything, i might buy it.

the next song makes you jump to attention. the track teased in the trailer, with its jumping guitar and its congested vocals. this sounds almost natural, like an authentic goth song.

of course, he has to say "mouth". aerosmith and green day and, most importantly, neil cicierega, combining to create a mouthy ballad that echoes through you.

—oh, goddamnit, green day. september 30th. neil woke up when september ended. fuck. dammit. is that insensitive? maybe. shit.

i'm not well-versed with music, so these songs were both pretty alien. however, their mixing is masterful, and the removal of the singer's objections to his situations form a sweet little ballad.

my own worst enemy. this one is  familiar, and it makes heads turn as you realise what music is slowly remixed.

a rocking tribute to sleeping with your clothes on. short, sweet, rockin' and rollin' as hard as it can.

the segue is beautiful, like it's natural.

the lyrics make your chest heave, and the sound itself is heavily distorted to a dreamy state, as if you are as drunk as the singer sounds. anything can be amore, you realise.

the distortion is noticeable without ruining the track, and neil has gotten significantly better.

it ends a little more nightmarishly, and makes you feel very real. very in your skin. fuck yeah, neil.

the following "stop" is even more jarring, and it's almost welcome.

and then, stacy's mom. i think the instrumentals are where is my mind, i don't know. but it /works/, and it fits together, with stacy's mom slowed down considerably but not so that it ruins the track. the pitch is shifted properly so that it becomes an angry slow ballad about stacy's mom. rife with heartbreak.

and then it stops, breaks off into a cry for "mom" that might awaken buried maternal issues in the listener. maybe just me, though.

here comes fred durst. it gets the "wow wow" treatment, and its nookie theme becomes sweet, bouncing around with innocent sentimentality. i thought i heard seinfeld around there somewhere.

this is a good point in the album to close your eyes and really hear the album, to feel what ou are truly experiencing. it can move by too fast if you're not paying attention. listen to that iconic sledgehammer guitar. listen to—mario?

fuck. fuck. fuck.

fucking christ. not the fucking ewok celebration.

almost nonsensical lyrics play over the nookie instrumental (reversing the last track's roles), and the combination is natural and rowdy. you slowly realise what those ewoks reflected in neil's glasses /mean/, and it horrifies you just a little.

god, that's good. fuck you, neil.

jingles? is that—jingles?

a moment of confusion. and then, THX.

the iconic, crawling note, invading your ears and then slowly fading out. "she drives me crazy" is playing, and the THX sound is its backing track.

only neil.

it gets better as it goes on, from a joking track to a genuinely orchestral sensation. it's good music. it's beautiful. it feels like an action movie soundtrack, as the hero discovers a massive secret.

maybe you are dreaming.

the next sound sample is jarring. the announcement. the outsiders cast. and then more, and then more. it feels like a list of gods left in a dying world. johnny.

and then there is johnny cash.

and then it isn't.

what neil plays is heartbreaking. it feels like your world is crashing down around you. it's a betrayal that could bring anyone to their knees. the booing played behind it is appropriate.

but he builds that world right back up, with soft, strumming guitar. it's forgiveness and vitriol all rolled into one.

actually, you can forgive him for the next track. yes. fireflies. let's fucking go. closer overlaid with fireflies. yes. hell yes.

it's like a gift, a peace offering.

the nostalgic, upbeat lyrics, feel deeper atop the warbling, warped backing track. it's like owl city's song about dreaming feels like it could be a teenage angst anthem.

it's art.

the plucked guitar fades out, and the lyrics start to distort. everything fades away...

nevermind, time for billy joel.

the shrieking, screaming, rasping lyrics of nightmare are mixed atop the bouncing piano music, so the song lays halfway between an upbeat piece of joy, and a warning.

it ain't over yet.

xylophone. why is there xylophone?

the iconic "powerhouse" track serves as our instrumentals, the classic sound one from our childhood as the droning sound of jack white forms a buzzing piece of heartbreak. only neil, right?

only neil.

the "War" sample is iconic, and it makes you jump.

the "Wannabe" sample will make you writhe.

iconic, jamming guitar, and also wario. the spice girls, and also wario. yes. yes. this is it.

the following laughter brings back your childhood. elfman's work on the peewee soundtrack, peripatetic in nature, running up and down your ears as gorillaz croons a bittersweet sound. it becomes almost triumphant against the instrumental, re-energized like the monster in frankenstein's lab.

peewee is laughing. maybe we should laugh too.

the next one up is soft, plucked note by note, until alanis morisette goes completely off the deep end. the spoons, alanis.

holy shit, is that knight rider?

this mashup is classic, expertly remixed without a single hitch. it's neil at his finest, neil at his neiliest, alanis' quiet "Don't you think?" almost smug.

the sound of rain, followed by the crooning iconic "raiiiiin" is enough to make you break down. this is a blessing from an unknowable god.

two backstreet boys lines run up against each other, forming a surrounding sound that envelopes you in shaking guitar until the distorted sound in the back becomes noticeable.

there it is. there's the song you were waiting for.

your savior has arrived, and it is in a horrible form. it rises from the tomb in an unholy abomination. you fall to your knees.

"wake up."

i can't. i'm trapped here. i can feel every single one of my vertebra. i'm crying.

and then beethoven and britney make a duet.

"hit me baby one more time" runs along iconic dashing violin.

you start to hear it, and then it's there even more.

the hall of the mountain king, slowly building, the suspense enough to bring you to the edge of your seat. weezer's lyrics are pronounced like an oracle's prophecy, sardonic and yet grim, delivered with its iconic "say it ain't so" almost ironic.

then the crescendo hits, and the singing feels like it's declaring your fate. it rocks you, and never lets you still.

...and then there is the dial-up. you're staring at neil's face, and you realise the title itself has a secret. the starred letters spelled out "nice modem."

the screeching dial-up sound, and then nothing. you're sitting in the silence, with this quiet revelation.

he's carried you through the greatest adventure of your life, and then left you in the nothingness, tearing away a world that could only be imagined in the dreams of a 90s kid raised on the internet.

it's heartbreaking, but it mends every single tear of that vital organ. it's alright. neil's got you. this is his gift, this is his message.

he shares this dream with us, because it's the only piece of hope we can hold onto. someone else's dream, forged on childhood memories and ambition, woven together with years of experience until it culminates into an hour-long album of cultural mashup and musical blasphemy.

it brings tears to my eyes, and then wipes them off. it wants you to feel, it wants you to bleed, and then it wants you to heal. rejoice, says mouth dreams. rejoice. rejoice in what the world has given you.

you're going to be alright.

definitely, like, a solid 9/10. pretty good album. i think my favorite track was either brithoven or superkiller, tell me what yours was in the replies!

i can see new colors.

#neil cicierega #frankie muses #mouth dreams #it was...an experience.

[demonsdarling]

folklore first listen thoughts

the 1: CATCHY from the start. HIT THE GROUND RUNNING sweeter than fiction rights. very sweet heartbreak song. “in my defense i have none” NEVER LEAVING WELL ENOUGH ALONE. i like it a lot, so much metaphor and imagery. i definitely wanna feel this

cardigan: catchy, very much the type of song that would sound good loud in the car at night. “a friend to all is a friend to none, chase two girls lose the one”. i really can’t wait to figure out what this one means. so far this feels very heartbreak heavy, even though i’m only two songs in. “tried to change the ending, peter losing wendy”. obviously young love WHY DO I WANNA FEEL THESE SO BAD. someone better take one for the team and break my heart while i’m still a teenager. someone to make me feel better about myself and then to look back on losing that. wow

the last great american dynasty: rebecca as a character being introduced, i really like the idea here. like gossiping at a wedding like that. “maddest woman this town has ever seen”. i feel like rebecca is a character taylor relates to and put herself into her. TAYLOR BOUGHT THE HOUSE WOW. so it’s about the woman who lived there before her i love that. if i hadn’t lived in my house for my whole life, i’d totally romanticize the people who lived here before.

exile: off the bat reminds me of the last time. i like the film/story/ending theme that continues throughout the album. it really connects it all and i feel very immersed into it. lyrically this song is very beautiful and it just sounds so very good. sounds very red & speak now which i obviously LOVE. also i love that it’s so long. “you’re not my homeland anymore” WOW WOW. so beautiful ily this song

my tears ricochet: sounds very haunting right off the bat. weeping in a sunlit room hurts me so much i just know this will be the best crying song. loveD till my dying day?? is this from the perspective of a dead person STOP that’s heartbreaking. i have chills what the fuck. it’s so BEAUTIFUL “you wear the same jewels i have you to bury me” i said wow out loud like. i have nothing else to say but wow. stolen lullaby <3

mirrorball: sounds very young and sweet. reminds me of starlight for some reason, which i love so much. it sounds like a really sweet first love and learning about the other person and yourself and falling into that and learning from the experience. i might be obsessed with the idea of first love lately, so that’s perfect for me. this is a favorite i love it so much.

SEVEN!: so i claimed this song earlier because i say seven as a response to everything and thought it was funny. but this is a missing childhood anthem, which is so fearless. childhood best friends, this is everything to me. i was worried i wouldn’t love it this much. “just like a folk song, our love will be passed on” PLEASE PICTURE ME IN THE WEEDS BEFORE I LEARN CIVILITY. i’m literally crying. growing up was always my biggest fear, i always want to go back to being little and this wraps it up so well. “passed on like folk songs, our love lasts so long”

august: back to a love song! young love! OH ITS SO SWEET AND HAPPY SOUNDING. kind of an imaginary love, taylor at my age, and i’m inserting myself here because it feels so right. i had a trio of songs on fearless at age 7 and these three songs feels like that again. yeah i’m gonna need a summer romance like i’ve been dreaming of since i was 15. this sounds like every daydream i have about the people i have crushes on and i love that so much. i love relating to taylor so much.

this is me trying: this is so beautiful wow. it has the energy of a sweet and soft version of hygtg but this time taylor is chasing? i think this is one those songs everyone can adapt to their story. “so i got wasted like all my potential”. this one feels so real to me. i really am relating to this one and i might fall apart to this song. second cry of the album.

illicit affairs: I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA UPBEAT AND LOVER-ESQUE but it’s a beautiful sweet secret love story. this love here seems crushing and painful. it reminds me a little of 1989 in the vocals i think? which is so cool. i really love the bridge on this one. this love story is so obviously so unique and all-consuming and yet it’s secret at the same time. i fucking love it.

invisible string: of course she says 16 again!!!!! why does she romanticize 16 so much? for me it’s 17. but i’m 19 now. i would dance barefoot in the grass to this one. something pulling two people together like an invisible string no matter how far apart they get. SOULMATE SONG!!!! wow!!! all along we were destined. IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY. the dive bar! something pulled her to him! i love that so much.

mad woman: SHE REALLY DID SAY FUCK YOU FOREVER WHAAT. i went OOH! but this is very ~the man~ and reputation vibes but SOFT and so it feels very taylor, lyrically and emotionally, like this feels like a side of her we’ve seen before but painted in a different light. “women like hunting witches too” “every time you call me crazy i get more crazy” WHY ARE PEOPLE MEAN TO HER I WILL BEAT UP EVERYONE WHO IS MEAN TO HER. there’s no need to tear people down to get to the top.

epiphany: another super long song!! i’m being told betty is incredible and i’m itching to listen to it but this sounds so beautiful. take a shot whenever i say beautiful or wow! this feels like another soulmate song but i hate to be wrong so if i am wrong, don’t mention it. this sounds so very classical and fresh for taylor but also it has such a taste of taylor. something new she’s doing here but her flavor is always there and i love that. only 20 minutes to sleep but you dream of some epiphany 💜💜💜💜

betty: i have high expectations. oh harmonica very folksy sounds very like the beginning. hehe she said fuck again THE SUMMER THING hi august! i suppose this is from the perspective of the other person? i like this very much, i love the idea of young stupid love and first loves. james. james and betty i love them very much. this is like when i make a playlist and say someone should send me these songs. “i’m only 17 i don’t know anything” i just wanna be seventeen again BITCH. SHE SAID CARDIGAN CAR AGAIN i love thattt.

peace: “our coming of age is coming and going” OKAY HIT ME I GUESS? this one is making me feel things. if i could sing, i’d never stop singing this. her fears within her relationship and the chaos her life brings to his. it’s very showing of her love and worries within what seems like a solid relationship.

hoax: what i want to do right now is drive to a literal cliff / scenic overlook and sit in the car and cry to this song. “i am ash to your fire” did she not say that in another song? i don’t remember which. but i hear the struggles she went through in herself and how hard it was to get through, not just on her own but with someone else. i hope taylor is happy and safe in her relationship. in any relationship she enters into, its all i want.

this album was beautiful and lovely and everything i needed and wanted i only cried three? four? times. it’s so stunning and beautiful and i’ve said beautiful way too many times but there’s no other words. it’s incredible. i haven’t felt this much in so long. and if i’m wrong about anything here, never mention it again <3.

i love you, taylor.

[lovenliterature]

My thoughts on folklore

(all my personal stuff will be crossed out so u can skip if you want)

the 1

Giving me strong first love vibes

Highly vibe with thinking you’ve seen your ex when you haven’t, such a frequent experience

V much reminds me of Stan and like, its nice to imagine what could have been without disliking how things are

Like the line about how you should show if you want someone, prevents complacency and I like that, love is work and when you forget that inevitably it falls apart

It’s also kinda nice to realise how many things lead you to where you are - if one thing was different it would all change

Comfy reminiscence

Favourite lyric: in my defense, i have none/for digging up the grave another time

cardigan

feels quite a mature outlook on a relationship

V pragmatic

the first notes, straight into lyrics that just fill me with nostalgia

also like its not denying your feelings, you still feel like an old cardigan but you feel special AS that without changing

Peter losing Wendy is such a good line 10/10

Music vid gets points too tbh

Oof chasing shadows in the grocery line is high key relatable (literally being at uni with my ex anyone)

Stars around my scars now i’m bleeding feels like he’s distracting from the hurt he’s causing, he heals wounds while causing others god this is a mess

Favourite lyric: chase two girls, lose the one/when you are young, they assume you know nothing

the last great american dynasty

Probably one of the closest things to a bop on the album?

the font and background in the lyric vid are perfect

love the juxtaposition with the wedding was charming/if a little gauche and the parties were tasteful/if a little loud - it’s like she’s so close to being accepted but it’s always tinged with disapproval

Favourite lyric: either she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green or free of women with madness/their men and bad habits (the bridge is just stunning)

exile

god what do i even say about exile?? 

Made me fucking bawl my eyes out the first time I heard it

the two perspectives are just so relatable and heartbreaking 

Choosing Bon Iver to collab with?? Perfect, the voices mesh so well and its just gorgeous

the opening verse is very relatable and its so well articulated and Justin Vernon’s voice just really hits home 

the I gave so many signs is high key relatable and i really really feel that

Also just the concept of both of them being left with no home - 10/10, no breakup is seamless

Favourite lyric: like he’s just your understudy - it feels like you’re gonna jump right back in but you’re not, you’ve been recast

my tears ricochet

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace/And you're the hero flying around, saving face - big oooooof, such a good way of showing how victims are expected to be the bigger person and be grateful idk

‘Cause when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave - This is so relatable, like whenever you cut ties/fall out with someone you love this is such a strong feeling, they’re usually the ones backing you up and now its them you’re fighting with and that’s hard to reconcile

the bridge!!! OMG!!

Favourite lyric: and I can go anywhere I want/Anywhere I want, just not home

mirrorball

Also one that’s close to a bop

And I’m still a believer and I don’t know why - I know its not about disillusionment with politics/humanity but for me it’s very much, I want to believe in the goodness of people but fuck it’s hard

Favourite lyric: you’re not like the regulars/the masquerade revellers

seven 

My favourite song literally from the second I heard it

Like the whole vibe is so very me

and though I can’t recall your face/I still got love for you

Very much reminds me of Sam, I can’t remember that much about him but I can remember how close we were and how important he was to me and I wish nothing but good for him 

Love you to the Moon and to Saturn - sounds like it was written for me at about 7, Saturn was my favourite planet and this was the kind of music I listened to at that age, just v nostalgic

Verse 2 is just my favourite part of the whole song, the melody, hiding in the closet, everything. That youthful naivety really makes me think of my friends when i was little. Even when i had problems with my own dad i desperately wanted to rationalise my friend’s dad’s anger to protect her and she practically did come live with us.

Favourite lyric: And we can be pirates/Then you won’t have to cry/Or hide in the closet

august

Wow this one has about a million and one different meanings for me

Summer fling, being used, reminds me of a CERTAIN SOMEONE, took place either side of August especially with the alcohol imagery

Whispers of are you sure? - first relationship, so good at making me comfortable, let me take the lead

Will you call when you’re back at school? - first relationship, long distance

I remember thinkin’ I had you, both situations, the non-relationship thinking it could be more and the relationship thinking I wasn’t gonna lose him

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets - first relationship, the first time we had sex and just the first times we were able to relax and be open with each other, really nice innocent memory

Favourite lyric: August sipped away like a bottle of wine

this is me trying

Back to December vibes

Also sad vibes, no fixing what you’ve fucked up but you’ve gotta try

I don’t wanna relate too hard because relating to it means thinking about things I can't fix

Favourite lyric: They told me all of my cages were mental/So I got wasted like all my potential

illicit affairs

Make sure nobody sees you leave/hood over your head, keep your eyes down 

Feeling of hiding and being hidden, not sustainable

You feel like you aren’t worth loving, aren’t worth people knowing you love them

A drug that only worked/the first few hundred times 

Hmmmm Patch who the fuck could this apply to????

Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me and For you, I would ruin myself

Value yourself higher boy but yes about a certain someone

Favourite lyric: And clandestine meetings and stolen stares/they show their truth one single time/but they lie and they lie and they lie

invisible string

Green was the colour of the grass/Where I used to read at Centennial Park juxtaposed with introducing him to Centennial Park - GORGEOUS, and highkey relatable

A string that pulled me/out of all the wrong arms, right into that dive bar - it’s always nice to see how relationships that didn’t work out can set you up for a better future

Favourite lyric: hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

mad woman

They strike to kill, and you know I will - yess bitch be angry

And there’s nothing like a mad woman - the notes and the delivery on woman give me CHILLS

The Pre-Chorus is gold, really relate to intensifying aspects of you that are criticised because yeah, fuck them

Favourite lyrics: No one likes a mad woman/what a shame she went mad/you made her like that

epiphany

Does this make me cry almost every time I hear it? Yes

The first verse being about war also makes me think about the mythologisation of healthcare workers as heroes, allowing governments to sacrifice them as martyrs

The melody of the whole song is gorgeous

Favourite lyric: Something med school did not cover/someone’s daughter, someone’s mother/holds your hand through plastic now

the medics are equipped to deal with the practicalities of treating people but not the emotions and not the feeling of not being able to help or even let someone die with their loved ones

betty

I am not sapphic but this gives me major sapphic vibes and I would die for betty 

Give betty all the rights

Such a nostalgic vibe, fearless/fifteen/white horse/love story sound and i am HERE FOR IT

Also lots of red references and i love that

Really like figment of my worst intentions, turns a usually somewhat positive image upside down

In front of all your stupid friends? - really dude?? You cheated on her and now you’re insulting her friends??? What the fuck

Will it patch your broken wings? is a pretty line though

Favourite lyric: Would you tell me to go fuck myself?

peace

Natural assumption is that it’s about finding peace with a partner, i really like that it’s the opposite, committing to a relationship despite the chaos, despite the lack of peace

But I would die for you in secret - in the age of social media knowing someone has your back whether or not others are watching is so important (yes this sounds very pretentious i just mean like knowing that you’ve got that person no matter what is so important)

Favourite lyrics: Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other/Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother

hoax

The vibe is just very calm and melancholy and i rate that

I am ash from your fire - this is such a good rep of toxic relationships, defined in relation to your partner, burnt by their bright flames, left behind

Favourite lyric: You knew it still hurts underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark

#folklore #taylor swift #ts8 #my writing #music #lyrics #my thoughts on music

[mrmallard]

Top 5 Favorite Songs of The Year

This is part 1 of a 2 part list. This list will cover 5 songs from any time period that made my year. The next list will cover songs from 2020.

I excluded songs from my Top 10 Lyrics post specifically so I could speak about them in this list. This was a good year to get into music, and I found a crop of songs that made me really frigging happy.

5: Power of Two - Indigo Girls

I found three really good country-sounding songs about relationships this year. There was She Don't Like Roses by Christina Kane, which is a name that's as on-the-nose as Can I Borrow A Feeling - the way that the listener's time is described with this woman is really nice. The second one is Heart's Content by Brandi Carlile, which is a rundown of a relationship's anxieties punctuated by a celebration of that relationship enduring those anxieties. The third one is my #5 pick - Power of Two.

I didn't pick She Don't Like Roses because I heard Christina Kane pandering to a pro-Bush crowd in a live version of the song. It's still a great song, but hearing the conservative platitudes coming out of her mouth really bothered me and it affects how I hear the song. Heart's Content, on the other hand, was a strong runner-up - I'm assured that Brandi Carlile isn't a Trumper, for one, and Heart's Content is one of the songs on her pre-Grammy albums that really plays to my sensibilities. It missed out because another one of her songs affected me more, which left this spot open for the Indigo Girls.

Power of Two wins out because of the calm, casual affirmation that things are okay, and that they're going to continue to be okay, even through the hardships. It's about a relationship, going through things that happen from day to day, and each chorus is an affirmation that they're fine, that they love each other and are looking out for each other.

It's just a nice sentiment to listen to from time to time, and I don't know why more people don't go all in on the earnest, happy relationship train from time to time. One of my favorite albums of the 2010's is a concept album about the singer's messy divorce, I understand the appeal of drama and emotional pain in music - but for the scores of breakup songs and tales of emotional devastation, there needs to be something to balance it all out. Power of Two, to me, is a song that acts as a balance to those songs.

Most of All is a song that made me cry this year, because it made me think of my parents dying. More specifically, it reminded me that no-one lives forever, and there will come a day where my mum and dad both die and I'll have this empty feeling for the rest of my life like "man, I haven't seen my dad in a while. Something I did just reminded me of him, and now I miss him because I'll never see him again."

4: Most of All - Brandi Carlile

This is notable because I find it hard to cry. But one night, after drinking copious amounts of alcohol, I listened to this song and I just fuckin started bawling. It's fucked up, confronting your parent's mortality. I don't usually cry the way this song made me cry, but I did. And I thought it was worth mentioning.

Regardless of all that, this song makes me miss my dad in a general sense. And it makes a strong point to be more affectionate, because the love you give away is returned to you in kind. The love you don't get back is replenished eventually, so you're not really losing anything by putting your feelings out there.

It's a very bittersweet song. I really like it.

Orpheus wins out over another Sara Bareilles song, 1000 Times, by virtue of me talking about it in my Top 10 Lyrics post. It still bears mentioning - 1000 Times is a great song about yearning for someone you know you'll never be able to be with. It's a great yearning ballad.

3: Orpheus by Sara Bareilles

Orpheus, on the other hand, feels like it's about a relationship being reciprocated. It's low and cosy, like a heavy blanket on a cold night - the instruments all feel very intimate, the chorus is croony and the verses are just very grand and sweeping at times. It feels like an idealized relationship - being comfortable in someone's company and recharging their batteries because you love them, making big, sweeping declarations of devotion, stuff like that.

Again, like #5, it's just a nice relationship song. It's an absolute highlight off of Amidst the Chaos, along with songs like If I Can't Have You (not a cover of the disco song) and Miss Simone. Very wholesome.

2: Forget about Georgia - Lukas Nelson

This song came out of nowhere and caved my face in with a cinderblock. I'm a fuckin boomer when it comes to slang, but would it be appropriate to say it snatched my wig? Because I felt completely exposed after the first time I heard this song.

It's another relationship song - I've got love on the mind, give me a break. Definitely more of a breakup song, as the titular Georgia is the lead singer's ex, and he's in a situation where he can't escape her name for long enough to get over the break up. Namely, because he's Willie Nelson's son, and every night he performs with his dad, they play the song Georgia On My Mind.

Yes, this song is based on true events - which is fantastic on its own merits.

I can relate to the moment you realise you like someone, and you know just how much it's going to make you hurt. And the picture he paints in the entire second verse just hurts to think about. Honestly, it's disgusting how emotionally resonant this song is to me.

This song is the emotional equivalent to getting punched in the face and pushed down a hill, at least for me. Good song.

This song sums up the Weepies experience to me. Tight lyricism, effective instrumentation, and an earnest atmosphere. It's also under 3 minutes, which is kinda ridiculous for a song that makes me feel this much.

1: Somebody Loved - The Weepies

It's a simple concept - rain turns the sand into mud, wind turns the trees into bone. As much of a fact as those statements are, you turn me into somebody loved.

Again - it's just nice to hear something so sweet in a song, and it's so earnest as well. Especially when the song bridges into the fourth verse with an assertion that "one day, when we're old and worn," they'll reflect on the life they've lived with the person they love

I could sit here and recommend any number of songs by the Weepies. The first song of theirs I liked was Gotta Have You, which is such a weird, refreshing surprise in how it sounds for a song of its type. I could recommend They're In Love, Where Am I - another short, extremely effective song in the vein of this one about heartbreak. I can recommend Slow Pony Home, which is a very stripped back account of a girl meeting someone in real life who she met online, and reflecting on her relationship with herself and continuing relationship with them two years later. There are so many gorgeous, earnest songs from this band consisting of a married couple, and I'd love to just throw them all at you all at once.

Somebody Loved is a Weepies song boiled down to its bare essentials. And it's very sweet. I think it sums up the year I've spent with this band, and considering how big of a part this band played in my year, I think it deserves my #1 spot.

#Brandi carlile #indigo girls #lukas nelson #sara Bareilles #the weepies #top 10 #this will actually be the last post I make about the weepies this year #i promise

[skzm7]

MOBEIUS

BEEZLEBUB’S PURPLE KISS

BUBBLED UP TO SCAR

ITCHIN’ WITH SOMEONE’S SIN

FIRED UP IMPLODING FIST

FEELIN’ FEINT K.O.’ED

SCARLET STAMPED CRAZY! KID

USELESS SHADOW BOXING WALL IS NUMB

JAB HOOK UPPERCUT WHO?

THERE’S A HELTER SKELTER IN SKY CITY

COUNTDOWN TIL IT CLICKS KID

YOU GOT A BAD CASE OF 

WACKO BONKERS LOOPY!

TEN NINE EIGHT

HEY SEVEN

HEYSIX 

WAKE UP FIVE 

COME BACK TO EARTH

PUT ON FOUR YOUR 

THINKING CAP THREE AND GLOVES

ROUND 2 FIGHT!

WIPE OFF THAT STICK

GET YOUR BOTTLE OF LIGHTNING

THROW IT TO THE GROUND

CRACK IT OPEN

YOU’RE TOO BRILLIANT TO BE KEPT IN

LET THE LIONS ROAR LOOSE

FILL UP THE STADIUM

THE MAN WITHIN

DOESN’T GET OUT YOUR ILL

BOX THE OLD WOUNDS DREAMING

AND GET REAL

FALLOUT OF MEMORIES

ROOTED TO FEELINGS

CHAINSAW! HAHAHA

I‘M YOUR SECOND COMING!

SLIDE ON MY LIPS

ENJOY LIKE MANY

THE GRAND CHESSBOARD

OF EBONY AND IVORY

IT’S IN YOUR NATURE

TO GIVE YOURSELF IN

I THINK YOUR SMILE 

HAS TOO MANY TEETH 

FOR A SALESMAN

DING DING ROUND

3, MIND IS MESSY

BODY SO ORPHAN THIN

YOU CAN SEE THE HEARTBREAK 

THROUGH THE SKIN

I CAN DO THIS SO WHY AM I TRIPPING?

BANANA SLIP HEAD SPLITTING

BRAIN FREEZE NO ICE CREAM

BUSY B’S SHADOW BECKONS ME DIVE IN

I WRITHE I WRESTLE I CAVE IN

I KNOW BETTER BUT I’M TOO BUSY DYING

NO ONE SEES MY HEAD’S PURPLE FIRE

DROWNING UNDER THE SURFACE

THESE CANNOT BE MY LAST WORDS

THESE CANNOT BE MY LAST!?

THIS CANNOT BE MY LAST CHANCE

THIS CANNOT BE MY LAST

GASP!

ENTER YOUR UTOPIA

THROUGH THIS GLASS OF MIND

KALEIDOSCOPE VISUAL

TAKE THE CLOCK WITH YOU

SIT ON MY LAP GOOD BOY!

SANTA’S LIST IS INSTANT HERE

YOU’RE A NEW BORN PHENOMENON

NO CREDIT CARD HISTORY

NO RESPONSIBILITY

NO RISK IN THIS

LABYRINTH OF VISIONARY

I’LL HOLD YOUR HAND

I’LL BE YOUR CANARY

FORGET BEING A VICTIM OF CONSCIENCE

WHEN RELIVING YOUR PAST IS SO

M MM MMM DEEEELICIOUS!

AND YOUR LOVED ONES ON EARTH

DON’T NEED YOU ANYWAY

THIS IS WHERE YOU ALWAYS WIN

HERE’S A SICKLE

PLAY GOLF WITH YOUR ENEMIES HEADS

IT’LL TICKLE

HEY WHERE AM I WHAT THE

HELL AM I DOING?

GOING FOR A BIRDIE

CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME?

IN THIS BERMUDA TRIANGLE ZOO

HOURS AND SENSES WHAT DID I DO?

MY COMPASS TURNED INTO A U

DIDN’T REALISE I WAS SO BAD

MAD REVENGE NEVER ENDS

NOW I GOT A CLUE HOW IT STARTED

BECAUSE YOU WERE A COWARD

AND YOU DIDN’T HAVE A CHOICE

HERE YOU HAVE A VOICE

NO! YOU’RE THE PLACEBO EFFECT GONE WRONG

THOUGHT IT WAS WORKING WHEN IT’S BROKE

DIAMOND MIND REFLECT IN STEAD OF WOKE

BECAUSE YOU’RE SICK

AND THIS IS YOUR SONG

WHAT’S THE POINT PLAYING

IF YOU CAN NEVER LOSE A GAME

TIME’S UP WHERE’S THE GONG

YOUR AUCTION IS UP AND

BONG! YOU’RE SOLD

I GOT SO DARK I FORGOT THE SUN

BECAUSE THE NIGHT IS MORE FUN

WHERE’S THE ALARM WHERE’S THE PINCH?

RING RING! IT’S GROUNDHOG DAY BITCH!

ROUND 4 SAW THE PEN AS MIGHTIER

BUT WHAT’S THE POINT OF WORDS

WHEN MONSTERS ONLY HEAR

THE POINT OF THE SWORD

I DECLARE WAR!

LIFT EXCALIBER FROM THE STONE

RECLAIM THE THRONE

IT’S MY RIGHT TO OWN

START A QUEST TO SLAY AND SLICE

THESE SNAKES HISS IN MY HAIR AND DICE

I’VE PAID THE PRICE MEDUSA VANITY

LET’S DESTROY THIS PLACE

WITH DYNAMITE SANITY

DOES YOUR MIND SWIM IN PURPLE FIRE HM?!

MY BURNING EFFIGY?

WRITHING AGONY

WINDOW SHOPPING WAYS TO VICTORY

LAY IN BED CONTINUE THE LIE

WITH NARCISSISTIC OCD

PARANOID ANDRIOD DELUSION DEFICIENCY

SHOOORYUUUUKEN!

GETTING DESPERATE ARE WE?

COULD I INTEREST YOU IN AN ALTER EGO?

OR ARE YOU ALREADY FULL OF YOURSELVES MY DEAR?

WELL YOU’RE HARD TO IGNORE

FLIPSIDE OF THE COIN

YOU’RE THE PASSENGER

I GOT THE RADIO

SEE I REMEMBER

BEING DEALT A BAD HAND 

FROM THE REALER

MADE ME LEAVE THE TABLE

BECAME MY OWN DEALER

BUT ALL I KNEW WAS THE BAD HAND

KEPT ON PLAYING WONDERLAND

DOUBLED DOWN ON WHAT IF’S 

INSTEAD OF I WILL

CLIMB OUTTA THE RABBIT HOLE

BRACE YOURSELF BUSY B

THIS MIGHT HURT A LITTLE

YOU’RE GONNA NEED A PLASTER

‘CAUSE I’M WELDING PETER VENKMAN’S GHOSTBUSTER ZAPPER

YAWN I’M CROSSING THE STREAMS

PAWN TO TURN INTO A KING

ROUND 5

BLACK ALWAYS LAUGH’S LAST

BECAUSE WHITE MOVES FIRST

TO FALL INTO THE TRAP

TIPPY TOES TO THIS BUZZ

FADE YOU HYPNOTIC TO WHO AM I? FUZZ

SEND YOU FIRST CLASS TO WHERE ICE BURNS

WORSE BEFORE I GET BETTER

WHERE HEAVY IS THE HOLLOW

WHERE AGONYS END’S 

IMPOSSIBLE TO FOLLOW

WHERE SOULS ARE SPLIT TO LICK

SWEET SICK TO SWALLOW

WEAKER BEFORE I GET STRONGER

ABORT THE PLAN

REWIND ESCAPE ATTEMPTS

MICE OF MAN

HEY THE TRAP IS LOOSE BUT

I WILL WIN

CIRCUMSTANCE SNIP! OOPS SORRY!

CIRCUMCISION MISSED THE CUT

BALLS GOT LOST WITH THE MARBLES

KERPLUNK!

I WILL SWIM

SIX DRINKS DEEP

WALKING AUTOPSY TURVY

IMPRESS AN INVISIBLE AUDIENCE

AND LOOK AT ME! TROPHY

I WILL MAKE SENSE

I WILL BECOME KING

YOUR BODY’S OUT OF ORDER

TAKE THE STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN

FIND AIZEN AT THE DOOR

TAKE A TEARS HINT YOU’RE GOING DOWN

WHERE NEVER IS THE FLOOR

THIS IS EASY PULL OUT THE STITCH

I CAN BAMBOOZLE YOU SO MUCH

I’M INSIDE OUT LETS SWITCH

JUPITER CAN YOU SEE THE SPOT I’M IN?

I’VE BEEN UP AND DOWN

WITH CHOICE AND REASON

NOTICE PICKING NOTHING

NEVER BEEN IN SEASON

FASHION DISASTER

THIS MAN WENT MISSING IN ACTION

SAVE THE MILK CARTON 

TAKE YOUR PSYCHO STAMP AND COLLAR

I’LL GET US HELP KISS IT BETTER 

MAKE US SOUND

THIS YO-YO SOUL’S TURNED THE TABLES A

ROUND! 6 I’M ALWAYS BESIDE

A PART OF PERSONALITY

MOBEIUS SHYS

UNTIL IT MADE ME

MEMORY WITH A TWIST OF FANTASY

SOON GAVE ME A VOICE OF MALICE

NOW IT’S MY TURN TO EAT WONDERLAND’S ALICE

AND WITH PURPLE STAINED LIPS MWAH!

PIERCE THIS PSYCHIC PLACE RAW

SHOUT HALLEYUYAH AND A REST IN PEACE

SO PRINCE BEEZLEBUB CAN RISE TO THE SEAT

ALL THE WOMEN I WANT TO KISS

ALL THE MEN I WANT TO KICK

THIS WORLD I WANT TO RULE

I’M THE ONE WHOS GONA LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER FUCK

YOUUUAAAYOURRRCANTRRDOGGTHISHHHWITHHHHOUTHHMYAASAYSO!

ROUND 7!!!

THISISMYSCREAMMMMMMMMMMM!!!

I’LL BE MY OWN HERO

LET ME LIVE GET MY SOUL SURE

FIND A GOOD HAND

TO RAISE ME UP

MAKE A STAND

BE WHOLE ONCE MORE

SPEAK THE TRUE

BREAK MOBEIUS’ ILLUSION

DOUBT WHAT NO ONE ELSE SENSES - FAITH IN ABILITY

WHEN THEY SWAP SEATS ON BELIEFS SEESAW

YOU’LL KICK YOUR OWN ASS 

AND STROKE YOUR ELBOW

RECREATING EVENTS LOST MY

MEMORYS LOGIC OF WHAT’S NEXT

MOVE FORWARD OR BE

STUCK IN THE MUD WITH YOUR INVISIBLE FRIEND?

THINK I FOUND MY HAPPY THOUGHT

HEY PIXIE I CAUGHT MY SHADOW

SORRY I SPLIT LICKEDY LET’S GO

BUSY B AIN’T GOING DOWN EASY

BORN A FIGHTER FROM CHAOS FIRE

ORIGINAL PRIMORDAL METAPHYSICAL DESIRE

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE KID JUST RETIRE

THIS IS MY POWER THIS IS MY HOUR

TO TAKE BACK WHO I AM

AND GET OUTTA L.A.’S TRAFFIC JAM

DISCOVERY IS THE WISH OF THE SOUL

ROAD RAGE BREAK OUT INEVITABLE

NO ONE CAN SOLVE THIS ALONE

IF YOU ARE YOUR OWN PROBLEM

I’M THE MYSTERIOUS WAY

CAVE TO MY SAY

IN HERE I’M KING

I’M THE PURPOSE

YOU’RE THE HORSE

YOU SERVE ME

LOOK UP AS YOU

BOW BEFORE BUB

RATHER TAKE ON THE WORLD

BRAVE DON’T FEAR THE GRAVE

FACE THE MUSIC

FACE THE ENEMY

ANSWER’S ALREADY HERE

SEEING GHOULS OF DEMISE

OR ANGELS IN DISGUISE

ONLY THAT YOU DECIDE

NO ONE EVER FAUGHT FOR YOU

I WAS TEACHING YOU HOW TO FIGHT

ALL YOU NEEDED IS THE SIGHT

WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET

WALLS OF STEEL AND STONE ARE A WEAK PRISON

MIRRORED WALLS OF SKIN AND BONE

THEY’VE DONE THEIR JOB PRETTY

SURE YOU’RE TOO LATE THIS IS

ALL MINE FOR THE TAKING

MY HEART’S PURE

YOU CAN’T PUNCH THIS LIGHT

OUT OF MY FUTURE

EITHER SHAKE MY HAND OR EAT MY FIST

STEP BACK INTO THE RING

LET’S SEE WHAT YOU GOT KID

THINK I’M GONNA BE ALRIGHT

I GOT WORK TO DO

LET’S FIGHT!

***

From “The Silent Album”

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08DHMQ673

#music #songs #lyric #book #songwriter #album #art #artist #musician #writer #thesilentalbum #rap #hiphop #eminem #drdre #kendrick #beastie boys #mind #mental health #rapbattle #vs #fight

[dykerightsmp3]

like it’s funny, MARINA’s Electra Heart is used as an aesthetic constantly but I almost never hear anything about its actual content so here are the best things about one of the best albums of all time

Got a figure like a pin-up, got a figure like a doll / Don't care if you think I'm dumb, I don't care at all

Bubblegum Bitch is an absolute bop to start off but it plays super well with this superficial ideal – it’s an introduction to the album as something just slightly satirical and also as a medium used to explore the roles women are placed within, and it establishes the idea of the songwriter playing a character

my favorite thing said about Primadonna is actually something Marina says: “It’s about not needing anybody when it comes to love—your raison d'être is to live for adoration. Girls usually feel like this when they are not appreciated in a relationship.” like, it’s her owning this thing that her ex-boyfriend used to throw at her. metal

the sort of rising howling oooooh right before the final chorus of Lies

also the way she sings you only ever touch me in the dark 

Homewrecker is this same reclaiming as Primadonna but also a statement on Why we express ourselves in that type of deceptive romanticism

But deep down all you want is love / the pure kind we all dream of / but we cannot escape the past / so you and I will never last

this idea of there being no real point to trying to make it last because you’re projecting this image so hard

you don’t love me / big fucking deal / I’ll never tell / you how I feel

I have sooooo much to say about Starring Role that can’t fit here but some underrated elements include: the notes in the background of the chorus that start over “when you are not the starring role”; how the music starts out pretty simple and sad and builds up in this almost desperate way; how it uses Primadonna imagery as a demand to simply be loved back

you’re like my dad / you’d get on well / i’ll send my best / regards from hell is absolutely one of the most Oh-Shit lyrics ever written it still makes me gasp every time I listen to it

Ending State of Dreaming on the simple line “my life is a play”

the transition from the stark abrupt realism of Starring Role to the dreamy music of State of Dreaming, and then going from this dreamy song to a song about being in control

yeah you may be good looking but you’re not a piece of art

the all-over-the-place bridge of Power & Control and how she goes from saying “doesn’t mean that I am weak” and just continues repeating “I am weak” over much more haunting music

I can’t decide which one of these is the best rhyme ever: I wanna be a bottle blond / I don’t know why but I feel conned vs I want back my virginity / so I can feel infinity

some cool shit said about Valley of the Dolls: “This song is like breaking point – it’s poising on the edge, and listener doesn’t know if Electra will manage to fight or she’s gonna be defeated to the point of suicide.”

how after that song about alienation, we move back into Hypocrates, a song that’s so much a breakdown and a statement of lack of ownership

the fact that Hypocrates is used both as a reference to being a hypocrite and doctor – like someone who wants to diagnose her problems

I know you only want to own me.

also like I know Buy the Stars isn’t on the US version but since the lyric is similar please just know that the delivery of the line “you know only how to own me” in that song is fucking Gorgeous

this might be known by others but in looking through the lyrics for this album I discovered that the reason Living Dead, Lonely Hearts Club, and Buy the Stars aren’t on the US deluxe (and probably the reason Sex Yeah is in a different place too) is because they were written for a different conception of this album. 

which is actually interesting in terms of thematic coherency -- this album is focused on the Four Archetypes, yes, but it’s essentially about 1) the relationship between love and control, 2) owning the insults that are thrown at women, and 3) emptiness. and I’d guess Hypocrates and Sex Yeah were both originally on the first album.

with That being said, How to Be a Heartbreaker changed me as a person at age 11 and still remains one of the most iconic beats I’ve ever heard.

AT LEAST I THINK I DO

Girls don't want / We don't want our hearts to break, in two / So it's better to be fake / Can't risk losing in love again, ba-abe and also how her voice GOES UP on that note

honestly dude the bridges on this album are all very confessional and also all honestly slap way too hard

'Cause the night is your woman, and she'll set you free vs. In the night your heart is full and by the morning empty

Radioactive is such a bop but also hurts? this song, to me, is about the conflict between desire for control and the way you feel around someone else; it’s about attempting to close off emotion in an attempt

the entire decision to end on Fear and Loathing 

this track... fucks. like it begins with this really sad statement about filling your heart with emptiness and then transitions into this statement on deciding to let go, and also the high notes oh my god, and the way she sings the chorus repeat, and also the damn ending.

And when the time comes along / And the lights run out / I know a light will burn on / When they blow me out

I think on a story level you can think of this song as the character letting go or maybe dying, but you can also think of it as the songwriter letting go -- this is an album about performance, of stereotypes or of control or of emptiness, and this song is letting go of all those things, letting go of trying to have it all and trying to divide yourself into archetypes and just being. which is wonderful

anyway I love Marina happy pride month to everything she’s ever done

#marina #electra heart #album reviews #elle.txt #please i wrote this so quickly i just have FeelingsTM #100

[slvtbible]

I should’ve walked away | pt. 2

[In which he says everything he needs to say]

Warnings: mentions of terminal illness, tears, curse words

[If this sucks i’m sorry:/ i have never been good with part twos unlike some other talented writers out there, who are killing it lol]

[But anyways, i hope you guys like this. Sorry for taking this so long!]

**

You thought that heartbreak will only last for a couple weeks. But you were wrong about that.

The night after you left the party was also the night you went back home to your small apartment. You blocked his number right after you reached your home, have no absolutely intention on rekindling the relationship,

You called your mother and told her about everything whilst your cried. She tried to calm you down but it didn’t work. You weren’t crying over the fact that your relationship with Harry had ended, but you were crying over how completely different Harry was that night. And how his friends were no better than him. That broke your heart to pieces, because you had been together for three years and expected that Harry was the guy that everyone talked about on the media. Yet, they proved you wrong.

Sobs were uncontrolled as you cried to your mom, cursing him over and over but surprisingly, although you told your mom how disrespectful Harry and his friends had been to both of you, she only sighed to herself and smiled softly. Knowing that this would happen either way, because your family were never been blessed with good wealth and people will always look down on you no matter what. She knew that already so she wasn’t disappointed nor hurt.

But she also knew Harry is a good person. Though only had a chance of meeting him once, he was the most polite and kindest man you have ever dated. She told you herself and she remembered how pink your cheeks were when you blushed, it was truly the most heartwarming and cutest thing your mother ever had to witness.

Now, those days were over. To you. You swore to yourself to never ever fall back to the arms of a man who is disrespectful towards your mother.

It is four months later after your break up with Harry and you’d be lying if you say you didn’t miss him. During work or during your sleepless nights, he would always manage to find his way to sneak in to your mind and it’s hard for you to get rid of those thoughts.

Harry is suffering just the same as you. Perhaps even worse.

He is not himself anymore. After he spat those terrible things towards the only woman he’s ever loved and he’s ever going to marry, he could never forgive himself. He blames himself for your departure, he curses himself for using your insecurities against you and that was not fair.

He’s very much aware of how privileged he is and so are the people around him, yet he decided to go and rub it on your face. Even made fun of your mother’s income. His mother would be livid if she finds out how terrible he treated you. Anne favours you very much, she always have.

**

This year, turns out to be a not pretty good year for you. Your mother had informed you four months ago that your sister, have been adapted with cancer. Both treatments and surgery costs $30,000 combined and you have no idea how to earn that much money in less than three months to pay for them all. Especially when you only have one job while you have classes to attend to. 

But you made up your mind. You decided to drop out of college and started to take three jobs—which are not really helping at all, the money aren’t enough just yet— to pay for the surgery. The university offers you to pay for all of your tuition including the living costs, in order for you to stay because you’re one of the best students and they don’t want to let you go.

However, you declined. It’s not fair and you have always been taught by your parents to work hard on your own. Earn your money and one day all of your blood, sweat and tears will pay off. Someday.

“Want me to close this one up, darling?”

Your lovely co-worker, Maria asks. She’s a couple years older than your mom and have been nothing but nice to you ever since you applied for this job. She knows all about your problem as well. Harry, his friends, the money, everything and she doesn’t judge you. You’re grateful for that,

With a smile, you nod your head softly at her as your eyes starting to get heavier. “Are you fine with that? Don’t wanna be a bother”

Maria scoffs, waving you off as she locks the cabinet. “You were never a bother, Y/N. Go get some rest, you do have another job to work at tomorrow don’t you?”

Again, you nod. Untying your white apron and fold it neatly, putting it inside your tote bag. You hug Maria as you thank her and kisses her cheek before walking out of the shop to walk home,

You see, for the past four months you work as a bartender on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, from 11 am - 3 am. A waitress at a diner on Wednesday and Friday, from 6.30 am - 12 pm and babysitting on Saturday. So the only day you don’t have work is Sunday, where you spend it almost everyday just sleeping. Wether in your bed or the couch.

Tired is the perfect description about your daily life. Though your friends are all dying to meet up with you, you know you can’t. You have absolutely no social life and you’re just waiting for all of this to end. But you’re not sure when.

As soon as you step inside your small apartment, you lock the door and throw your keys on the counter before walking upstairs and run yourself a bath. You decide to spoil yourself for a few moments then go to bed,

**

Harry is suffering.

His days are supposed to be the days where he should write new songs for his next album. But the papers are only filled with dozens of messages he wanted to say to you. Crumpled and ruined. In which he have no slight intention on throwing them away because the paper is the only source he gets to say what he wants to say. And he can’t no longer say them to you,

He knows you’ve blocked his number, he’s hurt to say at least. Numerous voicemails and messages he sent were left unopened. The thing that drives him even crazier is that he doesn’t even know where you live! He needs to know wether you’re okay or not, are you eating well enough, drink enough water or not. Or have you found someone else that can love and care for you the way he does?

The thought of you finding someone else hurt his heart but he understands why. He has to. You’ve put up with his shit—his friends included— longer than anyone else does. That’s why he loves you.

His tears hasn’t stopped either. Everyday he wakes up, and finds himself crying over you, wanting you back in his arms. Every night he falls asleep with the thought of you on his mind makes him cry while he hugs your perfume scented pillow tightly against his chest. If he can’t hold you close to his heart then maybe your pillow will do.

“You want anything, mate?” Jeff swings the door open, voice fills with concern and fear. Ever since that night happened, Harry has done nothing but cold to his friends. Except for his band.

He shakes his head, rubbing his slightly red nose with his eyes glued on the journal. “No.”

With his one simple worded answer only leaves Jeff to nod his head, grabbing his black coat from the sofa and walk out of the studio.

Mitch looks over at Sarah for a split second before settling his eyes back on the piece of white paper,

“Have you... tried to talk to her? Perhaps, reach out to her again.” Mitch asks, carefully looking up.

Mitch learns that whenever he or anyone for that matter mentions your name, he gets aggressive then cries. So he reminds himself everyday and to everyone to be careful everytime they want to speak with Harry. He’s a fragile human being right now,

Harry lets out a small sarcastic laugh, closing his journal and lean his back against the couch. “Of course i did. Many times. But she never even answered my call or text. Her friend Jenna left me on read when i asked her to tell me about how Y/N is doing. It’s hopeless, besides it’s months ago. I bet Y/N has already forgotten about me.”

His voice cracks as the last sentence comes falls from his lips. Grabbing a water bottle from the table, he takes a slow sip as his eyes begins to water and he has to inhale deeply to keep them from falling,

Sarah looks down, sighing to herself. “You’re saying that as if it’s her fault for forgetting about you that fast.”

“I wasn’t-“

“Need i to remind you that you were the one who compared her to Kendall. From her appearance to her income. Her job wasn’t fancy or popular, yeah i get that but she was struggling, Harry. Did you ever learn that your girlfriend was an immigrant when she came here? Finding a job with such a reputation was hard for people like her! They don’t immediately give you the chance to work as models, fashion stylists or musical producers like us! Think about that Harry. Or were you too wrapped up around Kendall’s or any Victoria’s Secret models fingers that you had the audacity to bring your ex girlfriend down like that!”

“Sarah” Mitch tries, trying to keep her calm,

But she isn’t having any of it. “No, Mitch he needs to hear this!” She protests as she looks over at Mitch then back again at Harry. “You out of all people should know that! You were her boyfriend for fuck sake! And she didn’t need any of you snobby asses to remind her where her insecurities lay! She already knows she don’t fit in! She knows her place Harry, and she knows she’s not as pretty as Kendall Jenner, Camille, or Georgia or Nadine. Stop moping around and hope that people will have sympathy for you because you don’t deserve mine!” She snaps, breathing in heavily and stands up to walk away, trying to calm her down,

Harry is struck. Sarah is known to be one of those people who rarely gets angry because she seems to be walking in a ray of sunshine everyday, a sweet smile never leaves her face. As if there’s nothing can bring her down.

But today is completely different, Harry watched Sarah as she outed everything she had deep down in her heart. You and Sarah have always been so close, you two are like one of those two best friends in high school. The Betty to her Veronica. And to see Harry broke your heart, played a insecurity against you made her cry too. She was disappointed in Harry.

Still, Harry can’t accept the fact that Sarah put all the blame on him when you were the one who chose to walk away.

“I love her, Sarah. What makes you think that i would intentionally hurt her like that? That night, she was the one who walked out on me. I told her that i would help her, support her, financially and emotionally. She was my girlfriend but she left!” He bursts, looking up at his bandmate with his nose flaring in anger,

Sarah looks at him in disbelief and lets out a sarcastic laugh. “And have you, really?” She questions, crossing her arms over her chest. “You know, she thought about leaving you for a long time Harry. Way before we celebrated your victory win at that club. But she stayed. Did you know? She fucking stayed. Because to her it didn’t matter if the world was against her, if the fans hated the two of you together, or even if your exes stared her down like she was a peasant. All she ever needed was you. You and Y/N against the fucking world.”

Sarah leaves it at that, before walking away from the two of them. She needs to cool down before she completely loses it,

Harry looks down on his lap, taking each and every word of hers and input them in his brain. He bites down his lip trying to contain the tears that are threatening to spill from his eyes. He presses the home button of his phone and see a picture of you laying on the bed, wearing nothing but a white duvet to cover your naked body. A toothy grin stretches over your pretty face with your eyes closes a bit,

He smiles sadly at the memory. He remembers taking the picture on the next morning after making love to you all night. It was the best night of his life, he got to hold the woman of his dreams and the dimpled smile never leave his face. He wishes he never let you walk away. He should’ve beg you to stay that night. He swears that the day after he met you, he would leave his career and dreams behind if it means being with you forever. Yes. He thought of forever and it doesn’t scared him. But it’s all too late is it?

“I miss you” he whispers, tracing a finger over your picture on his wallpaper. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m really sorry.” He gives a small peck on his phone where your lips are, imagining that you were also there with him.

It doesn’t matter if it hurts him. Because nothing compares to what he has done to you few months ago

**

“Here are your hot cakes and coffee?” You smile sweetly at the customer, placing her orders on the table,

“Thank you, can i have a napkin please?” The customer smiles back, reaching over for the coffee and take a sip,

You nod your head, telling her that you’ll be right back before going over behind the counter and grabs a pink napkin, handing it to her.

“Is lover boy coming today?” Maria asks, as she places the order on the tray and giving it to you,

Rolling your eyes, you tell her to knock it off. Earning a loud giggle falls from her lips,

“What? That man has done nothing but come here to see you. And he only comes to your shifts! Don’t tell me that he’s not in love with you”

“Maria, no!” You laugh, picking up the tray full of food and handing it to the other waitress, “he’s just been so... supportive of me. I mean-he’s been helping me taking care of my mom and sister. Did you know that he offers to pay Beatrice’s surgery?”

Maria gapes, halting her moves as she stares at you. “That’s amazing!”

However you give her a look and a slight chuckle. “Don’t get too excited, i turned that offer down.”

The answer you give, wipes the bright smile off Maria’s face. “What? Why? Y/N! A kind and handsome man who’s been there for you through these past difficult months offers you to pay your sister’s surgery and you said no? Are you kidding me, honey?”

Nope. You aren’t. Sure it sounds good to have someone pay for something so important and urgent but you can’t let him do it. Not when this man is associated with your one and only former boyfriend who has the same circle of friends that will tear you apart all over again. You can’t go through the same thing twice.

Yes. Former boyfriend as in Harry Edward Styles. Dean is his right hand when it comes to writing the lyrics. He participates 80% on his first solo album, meaning that he plays a big role on his music and that’s very important to him. Dean is one of Harry’s good friends as well, though you had never seen them hang out that much.

The two of you have become close after your messy break up with Harry. Dean reached out to you and sent his love, and truly you didn’t expect that. You’ve never interacted with Dean before then to found out that he called you by his number, left you surprised. In a good way.

Ever since, Dean has been very kind and supportive towards you. He takes you home sometimes, whenever he gets the chance. He brings you food at late night though you tell him numerous times that you weren’t hungry, he knows you’re lying so he did it anyway. He knows that you don’t have the best place to lay your head since months ago. The small and crappy apartment that you only managed to afford for now, isn’t exactly the best one yet. People are selling weed and hardcore drugs in the building, you’ve gotten sick of it but you have to hold on.

And again, he offered you to stay at his place because he can’t stand to see you at that state. But you were so head strong that it makes him upset and admired you than he ever did before, you truly are a gift.

You’ve come into a conclusion where Harry prefers to keep his toxic friends closer to him than the ones who actually brings positivity. Dean is obviously the most positive out of them all, well apart from Sarah, Mitch, Adam and you haven’t seen Clare that much.

Dean decides to keep this friendship of yours a secret between the two of you. He can’t risk of getting caught by Harry and neither can you, Harry will tear him to limbs if he finds out that his best friend is talking with his ex who he still loves dearly.

Harry does talk about you to him all the time. How he cries at night for hours and how stupid he was to let go the only good thing in his life. Sure, Dean feels guilty about it but Harry should’ve known better than playing the victim in front of him. You were the one who got walked over by Harry and his friends, the one who puts up with his shit despite the hate and the judgemental looks, you’re working your ass off to earn money though it’s not one of those jobs that you can be proudly show them off.

Dean maybe his best friend but he disagrees with everything that Harry had done. And he just felt so bad that he wasn’t there that night to stopped them.

Rolling your eyes again, you give her a lopsided smile. “I’m not kidding, Maria. I’m gonna work to get that money, by myself. I admit, i would be glad to take the money from Dean but it’s not fair. So I won’t do that.”

Maria sighs, but a smile is playing on her lips. She completely adores you, the hard work you have given throughout these past few months she has seen you, never fails to make her heart melts. The love you have for your family is completely indescribable. And she prays that you’ll hold on to that,

“Okay, then suit yourself. Now, go ahead and brings this order to the coupl right over there.” Maria points with her thumb, sliding the tray to you. “I think there’s someone outside would love to meet you”,

In confusion, you turn your head around and spot a familiar young man with brown hair smiling softly at you. He gives you a gentle wave as soon as you turn around, mirroring his smile.

You hold your finger up, telling him to wait for a minute before taking the tray off the counter and place it on the couple’s table next to the window. Maria glances at you and gives a playful smile which you silently tell her to knock it off,

Dean is leaning against his car with hands in his pockets when you walk out, smiling over at you before regaining his posture to stand straight. A shy smile casts over your lips when the two of you greet with a friendly hug,

“Hey. What are you doing here?” You ask soon as the both of you pull away from each other’s embrace. “My shift is almost over.”

He nods, shrugging. “I know, that’s why i’m here.”

You stare at him with a sketchy look on his face, baby blue eyes staring at your brown ones and you can’t read what is going on his mind. “Okay...? what is it?”

“Was just thinking that maybe... you can swing by at the studio today.”

After he mentions the word studio, your face fall. Does he really thinks by bringing you over to the studio where your ex-boyfriend works at is a really good idea? You are not ready to face him nor will you ever be.

You let out a small laugh, “you’re crazy Dean. The answer is no. I don’t want to see Harry”

The way his name rolls out of your tongue feel so strange, considering you haven’t spoken his name for months. And honestly, that name used to give you goosebumps and the cause of your blushing cheeks. But now it doesn’t anymore.

“You don’t have to interact with him! Just stay with me. Besides, it’s not like you will be all alone. Sarah is there, Adam and Mitch are too.”

“They’re Harry’s friends” you state with an obvious tone,

“at the moment, not really. They’re giving him cold looks lately. Won’t speak to him unless for rehearsals and songs writing. Apart from Jeff, Lucy, Don, Annie, Jordan, Kel-”

“Why am i not surprised? Those people are the ones who trash talked about me. Wether it’s in front of Harry or not, and he had no interest on defending me whatsoever.” You cut him off before he can finish, breathing in deep as you recall the last moments you had together with him. “i just-- don’t want to get hurt anymore Dean. And they are not even his friends! They’re using him. They use his name to get into clubs, restaurants, after parties, you name it. As much as he had hurt me, i don’t want him to get hurt. He’s sensitive, you know that.”

Dean only nods, he knows that his friends are nothing but utter scums. He has been observing them for months and he cannot believe that Harry is gullible enough to think that they actually cared for him. They don’t and they never did. It was always him or Mitch who looks out for their green eyed friend, but he shoves him off and tells him to mind his own business. So he left it at that.

Then to see how frustrated you are at this time, he can feel a tug at his heart. You have condoned so many things lately, seeing you’re drowning yourself in bills, taxes, jobs, sweats, tears, makes him want to take your pain away but he doesn’t even know how. 

Harry has hurt you deeply, yet he can’t understand why you still care about him. 

“You don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable.” he says after five minutes of silence. “If i had an ex who treated me like dirt, i wouldn’t want to see her ever again. Probably would run for my life if we were in a room together.”

You let out a small laugh, it’s not really funny but you think that he’s doing that to only lighten up the mood. You gotta give him credit for that.

“I’m sorry Dean, maybe next time yeah?”

**

Harry is now sitting on his car, parked in front of your mother’s house as he thinks about what to say as soon as he walks towards the small house.

He tries so hard to get rid of the redness that is clearly visible on his green irises, but it’s no use. The tears are still falling from his eyes, no matter how many time he tries to get rid of the thoughts when he had hurt you. Seeing you cry was the most heartbreaking sight he could have ever seen, and to know that he was the cause of your tears few months ago he could never ever forgive himself.

Before stepping out of his Range Rover, he takes a deep breath and looks over at the mirror to make himself look presentable. He doesn’t want to look gross or disgusting when meeting your mom. And he definitely doesn’t want her to think that he’s looking like this because of you, he doesn’t want to play the victim. He’s the one in the wrong,

Harry takes long steps towards the house, his body is clad with sapphire blue sweater and a beanie thrown over his head, so that the fans won’t notice that Harry Styles is around.

He doesn’t want to be that guy at the moment. He wants to be just Harry this time. The Harry that is about to ask your mother’s forgiveness in less than few minutes.

His heart beats louder as soon as he hears your mother calls after he knocks on the door. Leg is bouncing rapidly as he waits.

“Just a second!” She calls out, shuffling inside

He can hear her steps getting closer and he feels his palms are sweating. Bottom lip is taken between his teeth, waiting for her to open up the door.

The door swings open suddenly, and your mother’s exhausted face comes into view. Messy dark brown hair is pulled into a bandana, he can tell that she’s about to leave judging from her choice of clothing.

As soon as she looks up, her eyes are widen and her body freezes as she stands in the doorway. Taking in Harry’s appearance, glancing him up and down before letting out a shaky breath.

“Harry... what are you doing here, my love?”

His heart wrenches. After all this time. The talks, the looks, the whispers that had been thrown at both you and her, she still calls him an endearing nickname and nothing breaks him even more than that. He doesn’t deserve that, at all and he should be ashamed of himself

With a soft smile, he nods at her. Pulling his beanie off slowly. “Hi, Mrs. Y/L/N. Can i come in?”

Your mother is struggling what to say, and wether it’s a good idea for her to invite him in. But she knows that what happened in the past, stays in the past and she can never hold a grudge against him. 

Harry is a good man, is what she always says to you. Despite everything, she knows damn well that he is not a bad guy. And she believes that he has a good intention on coming here, she can’t reject that.

She softly nods, a smile pulling into her lips as she opens the door wider to let him in. “Of course, make yourself comfortable.”

He thanks her before stepping inside carefully, his eyes are observing the small place she called home. To say that he’s hurt is an understatement, he pays attention to every small details in the house and noticing that they aren’t in a very good condition. The ceiling has a hole on it and there’s a leak in it too, a big pink bucket sitting on the corner to capture the drops.

The kitchen is a mess. Vegetables are sprawl all over the counter, cups are messily falling over the place as well. He sees there’s a few papers laying on the coffee table, and his heart almost drops when it says ‘Eviction Letter’. There are five of them, and he doesn’t know where your mother will go from there.

He wishes he could help you and your family, but he knows that you won’t approve of him doing so. This hurts his heart more than it should be, he imagined it if it was his mom in this state. He knows damn sure that he will fills her bills with his money,

Your mother motions him to the small dining table, gesturing him to take a seat. “Here you go, mijo. Sit down” She smiles as she takes a seat as well. “Sorry if it’s a mess. Have no time to clean it today.”

Harry waves his hand off, telling her it’s completely fine before taking a seat beside her. Setting down his beanie, he clears his throat before opening his mouth to say something. But nothing comes out.

“What is it Harry? Are you okay, my dear?”

He flinches when her knuckle makes a contact with his cheek, seemingly concerned as she stares at the bags under his eyes and puffy nose which she can only assume that he had been crying for days.

Now, she knows why he’s here,

Looking up to meet your mother’s eyes, he takes a deep breath in as he reminiscing the words in his brain before pulling himself together to speak to her. He doesn’t understand how you mother treats him like her own child this moment, yet he let his friends talked shit about her and you. The love of his life.

“I’m sorry” he croaks out, sniffling as he feels his nose starting to get runny. “i shouldn’t have done it. I love your daughter more than anything in the world and i’m sorry for treating her like shit while we were together. I couldn’t find a reason on why i said all the things to her because i wasn’t thinking. Then i let my friends talked bad about you and that was completely unacceptable.”

Your mother closes her eyes for a while, sighing as she nods. She listens to every word he says to her. Her hand coming down to rub his arm slowly as he cries, fresh tears are running down his soft stubbled cheeks and he cannot stop them. No matter how many times he tries to wipe them off,

“She’s an amazing woman. And you are too, Mrs. Y/L/N. I’m sorry for being such a coward. I’m sorry for not defending you and Y/N. I’m sorry that i had the nerves to let my friends got away with the words they had thrown about you. Words cannot express how sorry i am because my mother would be livid if i treated the both of you this way.” He chuckles sadly, remembering the times where Anne would just love to give him lectures and scolds about how to treat a woman right,

‘You’re a handsome boy. Don’t go around breaking girls’s hearts, yeah? Because that will break mine too.’

“But, i hope you can forgive me Mrs. Y/L/N. I know i have no rights to say it but i hope you can.” He whispers the last sentence and lean his back against the chair, fiddling with his thumbs with his eyes looking down on his lap,

It takes a while for your mother to process all of this, and it’s not easy. She appreciates every word he had just said and she knows that Harry meant every word of it. She believes him. He’s a very good and well-mannered young man and sometimes she feels sorry of how his friends treat him like he doesn’t matter, how they can just use him for their own pleasure then discard him like a piece of garbage.

She can’t lie to him if you don’t love him anymore. You still do, but you just don’t want to admit it. Every day your heart breaks a little when the thought of not having him by your side anymore.

“I believe you, Harry. I do.” She speak with a soft smile. He looks up to her with eyes brimming red, face looking skeptical because he can’t believe the words just comes out of your mother’s mouth. “And... Y/N, she still loves you too.”

For the first time in months, his lips pulls into a genuine smile as he no longer bother to cry again. He sits up straight, leaning forward to place his arms on the table. “She does, huh?”

Your mother gives him a wide smile as she nods. “She’s just a little stubborn to admit that. You know how Y/N is, right?”

Harry lets out a small laugh, nodding his head eagerly as he remembers how hard-headed you were while the two of you were together,

“Classic Y/N” He shakes his head, suddenly missing you more than ever. “Are you going out, Mrs. Y/L/N?” He asks, changing the subject,

Your mother checks her watch and curses before standing. “I am, thanks for reminding me Harry. I appreciate you coming in here, Harry thank you.”

He hugs your mother and kisses her cheeks before pulling away from the embrace. “Where are you going? I can drop you off.” He offers, grabbing the keys from the table,

Your mother is quick to shake her head, grabbing her brown coat from the rack as she slips in on her body. “No need my love, i’ll walk.”

And in that time, she also panics. Panic because she can’t just say that she’s going to the hospital to see your sister. He’ll freak out and ended up insisting to drive her there,

“Nonsense, I’ll take you it’s fine. Just tell me where to go.”

She learns that Harry is stubborn as well. He looks at her pleadingly, and she thinks that it doesn’t matter how many times she’ll turn him down because it won’t work. He just keeps on asking and asking until she says yes. 

“To the hospital, my love.” She whispers, opening the door so the two of them can walk out,

But before Harry can take a step, the colour drains from his face and his rosy lips tremble soon as the word hospital fall from your mother’s lips. Thoughts are running on his mind as he thinks the worst possible reason on why your mother is going to the hospital with a sad look on her face.

Is your mother okay? Are you hurt? Were you in an accident or sick? Why didn’t you just tell him? Why did your mother invited him in when she was going to the hospital?

Smiling sadly, she extends her hand for him to take.

“I’ll explain in car, okay?”

**

“Maria! Can i take a rain check?” You call her out from the kitchen, busy dropping the dirty plates on the sink as you hurriedly pull the strings of your apron,

Maria barges in minutes later, her nose puffing as heavy breathe emerges from her mouth. She grabs her small towel and wipe the sweat that is forming on the crease of her forehead and down to her neck,

“Why? What happened?” She asks, eyes looking at you concerned with her hands settle on her hips. “Was it the landlord again? What was he saying?”

You shake your head, pulling your hair into a messy bun fast before checking your phone again to see if there is anymore messages from your mom,

“No. My mom told me to come to the hospital quickly. I don’t know why but it could have something to do with Beatrice. I have to get there quick.” You stumble with your words, thoughts are running through your head as you panic. Small tears starting to prickle from your brown eyes, you have no idea what to do if your mother is about to hit you with bad news. You can’t cope with that,

Maria rushes over to you and places her palms on your cheeks, trying to get you to look at her as she sees how much of a mess you are right now. “hey, hey. Stop it. Don’t over think something, Y/N. Everything is going to be okay, alright? Don’t stress this much. Your sister is fine, your mom is fine. She’s probably asking you to come over because Beatrice asked her to. You haven’t seen her in a while, right?”

You sigh, nodding your head slowly as she wipes off your tears. “yeah. Been so occupied with work i never got to see her in a month, i’m such a terrible sister.”

“You are everything but terrible! I have never seen a woman worked so hard in her life to help her family. I have never seen a woman sacrificed her school just so she can work to pay her family’s bills and sister’s surgery. I have never seen a woman so independent that she does not need a man to take care of her because she knows, she can handle herself well!” Maria snaps, eyebrows furrowing as her eyes stare at yours.

“Now, you’re going to take back everything you just said to me and get your ass to the hospital, sweetheart. Your family needs you more than this diner does. i’ll cover for you, don’t worry” She says, kicking her chin up to get you moving so you don’t have to take long.

She grabs your purse and jacket, shoving them to your hands then scrambles around the kitchen to find your house keys because she knows how clumsy you are with them. Good thing you don’t have a car, or else you would lose both of them.

“Here. Don’t rush okay? Take your time and let me know.” She softly says, kissing your forehead,

The love you have for her is indescribable. You look up to her after your dear mother, you rarely gets to see her these past few months and the only person that has the personality and mind as close as hers is Maria. 

With a nod, you hug her tight closely to your body. “Thank you so much Maria. I’ll pay you back, i promise.”

Maria rolls her eyes playfully and shushes you, “aish! No need to dear. Go on now. Don’t forget to text me!” She reminds you again, pointing her red manicured nail finger at you,

Without doing anything else, you swiftly turn around and head towards the exit to haul a cab. You usually prefer to take the bus than a cab or uber, but the station is 20 minutes away from the diner you work at and you have no time to reach there. 

Your mother has been blowing up your phone with dozens of texts, adding exclamation marks at the end of every sentences and nothing worries you more than that. Well not really. You’re scared that something already happened with Beatrice and then it would already be way too late to save her. Maybe that’s why your mom is sending you texts every minute...

To be honest, you have no idea why out of positive things that you can think of, the horrible thoughts manage to make their way to your brain and causes you much of a distress and nerves. You can’t contain them.

You’re pulling and tugging the strings of your jacket then switches to play with the hem of your diner uniform because of how nervous you get. Haven’t even realised that you’re biting down your soft lip too hard until your tongue manage to swipe your lower lip and taste a familiar metallic liquid, making you stop.

The driver parks the vehicle in front of the hospital lobby, and you’re way too deep in your thoughts that you really have no idea, you have arrived at the building. Pulling out a ten dollar cash, you shove the crumpled money towards the driver before stepping out of the car and rushes over to the receptionist and asks where your sister’s room is. 

And for Heaven’s sake! Can they go any slower?

“Room 187. Just straight towards the hall and the room is on your left” The middles age woman gives you a tight smile before resuming to type obnoxiously on her keyboard,

Muttering out a faint ‘thanks’, you fasten your pace quickly towards her room as you feel your heart beats louder and a small sweat forming on your neck as well on your forehead. You pray to God that nothing will happen to your sister.

She’s just a baby,

You waste no time to swing the door open when you spot the room already and soon your mother figure and your paled sister comes in view, they shifts their eyes to you and breathes out a sigh of relief. Your mother smiles at you and gives you a hug, letting it lingers for a while before pulling away.

“Thank God, you’re here.” She sighs, looking at you in the eyes. “What took you so long?”

Pulling your jacket off, not once your eyes leaves your mother’s neither on your sister’s. “What happened? Is she okay?”

Beatrice looks over at you and smile weakly before coughing furiously, lifting her arms slowly at you. “Y/N” She croaks, holding another cough in her throat. “I’m so glad you’re here”

Tears welled up in your eyes as you smile back, taking slow steps closer to the bed and gently wrap your arms around your baby sister’s fragile body. Sobs breaks out of you when you pull away from the embrace, but your hands still tightly wrap around hers, not wanting to let go.

“I’m sorry for not being around much. How are you feeling?” You softly ask her, moving your arm a little to not nudge her injected dorsal palm. 

She nods, eyes turning into slit and you can only assume that she’s pretty much exhausted. Perhaps from waiting for you and the dozens of medications they keep giving her. “I’m okay. Was just... waiting for you.”

You reply with a smile, gazing at her with much love and admirable in your eyes. The moment soon cuts off when your mother brings up a topic that had your eyes nearly pops out of their sockets.

“Pay her surgery? What? Who” You demand an answer from your mother, though you can see how she struggles not to say any word. But it’s too late to back out, your mother chooses to say it. “Tell me, who mama. Was it--was it, Dean?”

She’s quick to shake her head, moving her seat closer to sit by the bed so she can talk better with you. You watch as few strands of her dark brown hair falls to cover her eyes, causing her to push the hair back behind her ear.

“No, chica. it’s not... him. It was someone else” She speaks, hands intertwining as her voice gets lower, as if she’s afraid that you will break into a rage once you finds out who it is.

Feeling frustrated and annoyed, you give her a cold laugh. Eyes moving back and forth to look at her then back to your sister, who’s breathing is heavy and slow. You wish you can take the pain away from her.

“Are you just going to keep me waiting or what?” You ask with a rough tone in your voice. You don’t want to be mad or pissed, but you have sworn to yourself and to your family that you will pay your sister’s surgery with your own money. it’s a risk but she finds it better than to have herself rely on someone else’s cash.

The silence is driving you crazy. Because you try to get her to say what she wanted to say yet she can’t seem to find the courage in her to say it. Your mother looks down on her lap, debating on wether she should say it but mostly, she’s mentally beating herself up for speaking out too fast.

“It’s Harry.” You mother says at least, eyes looking up as she waits for you to burst out any second.

Then your face paled, brows furrowing as you retreat your hands from your sister’s causing her to whimper at the sudden contact. You cannot believe your ears! Is your mother insane or hallucinating?

“Harry? What the hell are you on about, Mom! This is not funny.” You snap, eyes burning in anger as you think to yourself how stupid and inconsiderate her mother is that she can pull out a joke at the time like this. “Come off with it, mama! Don’t fuck around!”

Suddenly your mother’s fear and concern turns into an anger soon as she hears you spoke the word. She sits up straight and lean forward. “Listen here Y/N. You will not talk to your mother with that kind of tone and words. You’re still my daughter and i’m still your mother. Respect me as your own or so help me God, i will kick you out of our lives!”

She finishes with a heavy breathing, glancing at Beatrice for a moment as she pleads to her to not start any fight. Your mother feels guilty afterwards, she shouldn’t have done it at the hospital. That’s just going to hurt your sister alot more.

You take a deep breath, nodding at your mother but still you’re upset and confuse of how your mother could bring up Harry this moment. You want to know why.

“I’m sorry. But please, explain to me what’s going on. What are you talking about? He didn’t even know you exist mom!” you jokingly add the last one but still manage to keep your tone firm. “Just tell me the truth. I won’t get mad.”

“He came to my house earlier. We... talked about something. Then he offered to drive me here and i told him why i had to go to the hospital. He broke down as soon as i told him what happened to Beatrice, my love. He cried... extremely hard and asked me how i was going to pay for all of this.” She explains, voice gentle as she traces her thumb over Sofia’s palm. “I told him that you’re paying. And that you had to quit school just so you can have three jobs to pay her surgery. He didn’t like the sound of that, chica. He knows how much you love your studies, so he can’t bare it. He wanted to pay for it all.”

“He’s a good man, Y/N. Please, you need to give him a chance.” Beatrice pleads, voice breaking as she speaks but you ignore her.

You sit there speechless. How dare for him to came to your mother’s house, asking for forgiveness and pay for all your sister’s medical surgery then hoped everything will turn out fine! That is not how it should goes and you can’t believe your mother would believed that man after he lets his friends said about your family. Your mother forgives way too easy and it has always been a trait of hers you particularly dislike.

“What the-” You stand up quickly, going to the other side of the room, pacing back and forth because you have no idea how to fucking deal with this. “How did he even find you? Mom, we can’t trust him okay? This has nothing to do with my break-up with him but who knows what he will about to say next! He would probably rant this shit out to his friends and i will no-”

“Carmen, i got you the caramel macchiato hope you like it. The espresso ran out. The line was super long.” A familiar voice cuts you off with a small chuckle follows after. 

It’s Harry.

His eyes moves from your mother’s figure to your eyes and shock is evident on his beautiful face. Breathing stops and mouth parts open as he struggles what to say next. He can sense that he’s about to loose his grip around the coffees.

You’re here. You’re really here.

“Y/N, y-you’re-” He says, still looking at you,

You scoff, not in the mood for any of this. “Save it. I’m gonna get some fresh air.” After that, you quickly move towards the door and shoves him with your shoulder, walking out of the room as you runs to exit the building.

Tears starts to stream down your face. After not seeing him for months, he’s finally there standing in your sister’s room. Thoughts are running on your head, not knowing how to face him nor your mother at this point. You should feel happy and grateful that Harry offered to pay but you don’t want to be someone else’s gossip anymore. This is completely bullshit and you refuse to even stand near him after your break-up.

“Y/N! Wait!” He calls out, you crane your neck briefly to see him running to you, nearly knocking a few people. “Slow down, please! I want to talk to you”

You don’t listen, you keep walking and walking as you finally walk out of the building. Breathing out a shaky breath, you pull out a pack of cigarette from your purse as you struggle to take one stick out.

You heart someone’s panting from behind and you don’t doubt for one bit that it’s not Harry. Hand running over his brown hair as he tries to get closer to you, a frown on his face after he sees you holding something that he hates.

“Y/N, love. Please listen to me.”

Shaking your head, you turn your head about to leave. “No. Leave me alone.”

You haven’t even take a step because Harry has already marches his way towards you and grabs your fore arms, turning you to look at him as you squeal and struggle to let go from his grip.

“Let me go! You don’t deserve to be here. Just go, Harry!” You shakily says, sniffling as your eyes meets his green ones. The eyes that you adore throughout your relationship.

“Not until you listen to me.” He states again, and he hasn’t notice that he’s crying until he sees you. Here, standing close to him with his hands wraps around your delicate ones. “I’m sorry.”

Closing your eyes you look down, shaking your head as you continue to struggle so he can let go of his grip. You don’t want to heart this. You had enough. He hurt you badly that the thought of you talking with him again had not once crossed your mind. 

You miss him but you don’t want to talk to him ever again.

“I was a fucking asshole to you. I was a terrible boyfriend and i let those people got into my head. You were so perfect for me that you’re willing to give up everything including your classes. But i was so blind to see that.” He whispers, sobbing but he keeps maintaining his posture and say what he needs to say because he does not want to lose you again.

“You have done everything for me. Sacrificed nearly everything as well and i didn’t give a single damn about it. They--they were wrong about you. They were wrong about your family, they were wrong about your mother, they were wrong about your background and it pisses me off that it’s all they care about.” He continues, hands slowly falling to rest on your hips and his heart moves a little to see you’re not pushing them away.

“It doesn’t matter, Harry. It doesn’t matter now, you’re too late. I-- i refuse to let you or any of your friends talk like that about me. You have no idea what it’s like okay?!” You yell at his face, hands on his chest to keep him from coming closer. “You have no idea what it’s like to have a mother who doesn’t have a decent job, a father who went to jail for something he didn’t do, a sister who’s life is on a line because i have no fucking idea if she will survives or not!”

You break out into sobs, pouring everything you haven’t got the chance to say to him. He looks hurt. Hurt because he had no idea about everything that has been going on in your family and he’s a fucking dumbass. Why? Why would he hurt you like that?

“People look down on me many times. Including your friends. But i stayed because i loved you, Harry. I loved you fucking much and you didn’t care.” Tears are blurring your vision and it’s pointless to wipe them away, knowing they just keep on coming. “We won’t work. We won’t ever work.” 

He shakes his head, hands grabbing the either side of your face as he forces you to look back at him again. “No. No, no, no, no. We will work. We will, okay? I-- i love you, Y/N. I never stopped, i missed you laying next to me and i missed seeing you looking at your laptop for God knows how long because of school’s paper and it breaks me to hear it from your mom that you quit. I can’t let you do that, i want you to do something that you love. That’s why i’m offering, Y/N.” he reasons, thumbs wiping the salty liquid falling from your eyes.

“I care about them and i care about you. I love you.”

There’s a million reasons why you should give him up at this moment. You can’t bare the thought of getting hurt again in the future, that would be a huge risk. Heartbreak is something that you had overcome for numerous times and you can’t say that it wasn’t a big deal. Because it was. And you don’t know how long you can pull this through. You’ve lost so many good thing in your life and you can’t ask to God to give them back to you.

But, you still love him. Despite everything he had put you through, you still love him. The love in his eyes is undeniable, it’s all for you and not even him can’t deny that. He’s a beautiful person, inside and out. He would never ever had the intentions of hurting someone on purpose. Especially the one he loves. And that is you.

Your mother always says, ‘beautiful person deserves second chances. But remember it’s not the beauty of appearance you should see. It’s their hearts.’ She always reminds you of that with every chance she got.

And maybe... you should.

“Harry... i would be lying if i say i didn’t miss nor love you” You watch as his eyes lights up a little but he knows deep down that he can’t get his hopes up. “I’m not sure how we’re going to do this but... i’m willing you give you a second chance.”

He breathes out a small laugh, nodding his head rapidly as he feels the butterflies erupts his stomach. He truly can’t hide the excitement over the fact you still love him.

“Okay, baby. Okay. I’m just, so glad to have you back. Also i wanted to let you know that i’ve cut ties with all of them. Told them to never speak to me again or there would be a hell to pay.” He assures, biting down his lips trying not to smile hard because he knows for a fact that his cheeks will hurt.

You nod, stretching your lips into a happy smile. “Okay. I’m-- glad to heart that but you shouldn’t hav-”

“No. I should. And i’m glad i did. Fuck them. They have no rights to say that about you.” He scoffs, cursing them over and over in his head. “You’re the love of my life, Y/N. Thank you. Oh my God, thank you baby”. He whispers, slowly leaning into your lips and presses his rosy ones to kiss you,

It catches you off guard but you kiss him back nonetheless, and you feel him smile against your soft lips because you decides to. Nothing truly makes him happier than this. Nothing.

As the two of you disconnect your lips, smile is adorn on both of your faces. Foreheads leaning against eachother, unable to contain the small giggle that escapes from your lips.

“Welcome home, baby”

#harry styles one shot #harry styles angst #harry styles x reader #harry styles imagines #harry styles fluff #harry styles blurbs #harry styles fanfictions #harry styles drabbles #one direction imagines #harry styles

[interesting-blog-name]

FKA twigs MEGAREVIEW (LP1/M3LL155X/MAGDALENE

FKA twigs is a British R&B and art pop singer who came up as a backup dancer for various artists’ music videos, and decided to start her music career, releasing her first official EP, EP1, in 2012. I am not familiar with anything she’s done except for her feature in A$AP Rocky’s Fukk Sleep, so I don’t know what to expect, even though I’ve heard good things. I’ll be listening to her two studio albums and an EP she released between the two, chronologically.

 LP1

I love it.

Although twigs isn’t fond of being categorized as an R&B artist, specifically alternative R&B, as she has stated in an interview with The Guardian, there really isn’t much else to be used to describe her music, and the term is pretty convenient to embody most of the sounds in LP1, so I’ll most likely be using it. The album is a mixture of strong, dark electronic production and twigs’ beautiful falsetto singing, taking form as either the sexually charged, euphoric vocals you hear in the chorus of Two Weeks, or the hymnic elements her voice has in Closer and the intro Preface. These two key elements constantly clash and form something way more impactful than what they’d be individually, and give the whole LP a soothing and simultaneously dark and dizzying atmosphere.

The highpoints in the album are when the two combine into grand moments such as the ending of Lights On, where the production amounts into a huge chunk of pure bliss, sounding like there are tens of different sounds all in sync with one another, or the processed, multi-layered chorus in the next track, Two Weeks. Another great quality to the production style in the album is that it gets to be adventurous when it wants, how it wants, whether by pulling back completely and minimalizing its role to let FKA twigs’ voice shine on Hours, or on my favorite track Pendulum, where the whole song is built around this unstable knocking and simple yet effective manipulated keyboards, completely fading out at times leaving the high-pitched vocals to themselves.

The lyrical themes are all built around love and passion, with varying levels of aggression to romanticism (Lights On, Two Weeks vs. Hours, Give Up) or regret, such as in Numbers, which showcases how far into the electronic side the production can go, with erratic drums and beeping at the start, progressing into some gorgeous synths under some of twigs’ most heartfelt singing in the project. The exception is Video Girl, the most personal track here, where she sings about her time as a backup dancer and the struggles that came with her intent on achieving fame. The lyrics hit hard and it serves as a really nice intimate moment in the album.

For the tracks I don’t like as much I have the two closers: Kicks and One Time, the latter being only available in the deluxe version, which is not on streaming platforms. Kicks, from what I could tell, is all about being enough for yourself, specifically sexually. Without the grand ambitious production from the rest of the album, this outro is left with okay vocals and an odd theme that doesn’t go anywhere, backed by some slightly annoying production decisions, and a nice chorus which is definitely the best part of the song. One Time, on the other hand, is just really bland compared to the craziness of the rest of the album, as it is the most stagnant and uneventful of the tracks.

The sound of LP1 is definitely intriguing, and I consider it a nice introduction to an artist I have high expectations for.

 FAVORITE TRACKS: Pendulum, Video Girl, Two Days, Lights On

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK: Kicks

  8.25/10

“You’re younger than I am broken. I dance feelings like they’re spoken, so my conversation’s not enough.”

 M3LL155X

Read as “Mellissa”, this EP was released in August of 2015, and features 18 minutes of music spanned into 5 tracks, and I love to say there’s not one track here I don’t like

What surprised me about M3LL155X is how “explosive” twigs seems to be compared to LP1, where most of her tracks were sung in a comfortable, soothing falsetto tone, in here she isn’t afraid to let her voice carry out a lot more, which brings some much appreciated strong emotions and power to the songs here, great examples being her fast delivery on the hook of In Time, and her enchanting finish to Mothercreep.

The EP starts with Figure 8, which places the listener dead center in the chaotic instrumentals the project has to offer, with a banging bass right at the beginning. The track slowly progresses from its slightly angelic cadence into the weird, choppy vocal effects in the latter half, giving the track a nice finish. What I find a little underwhelming are the lyrics, sometimes they come off slightly meaningless, at least at first glance, but I feel they could have been used better, maybe to convey meaning other than love and relationships, which is done in the last two tracks, but not in such an effective way in my opinion, specifically on Mothercreep, a track supposed to be a mature hindsight to twigs’ mom’s decisions to her daughter’s life, which doesn’t come off as super personal in a way it could have. Like I said, however, the ending to this song is gorgeous, and I love how the song waits to bring in that climax, it really ends the EP on a huge high note.

To me the best the EP has to offer is In Time and Glass & Patron, the first being this infectious, addictive, ever-evolving fat banger, I just cannot get enough of it at all; and the latter being the weirdest, most electronic-influenced song here (I mention the umbrella electronic genre very carefully because I know fuck-all about it), with the oddest but most interesting progression here. That isn’t to undermine twigs’ vocals, as they are as good as ever, I just wish in tracks like this and I’m Your Doll, where she reaches some great vocal inflections, she’d make more use of them, but to me they feel like the vocals are somewhat teasing themselves to the listener, when they could’ve been used to a much greater extent.

I love this EP, I love its aggressiveness and how it surprised me, but I know, even as good as it is, that all the potential here could have been used a bit better.

 RANKED TRACKS: In Time, Glass & Patron, Mothercreep, Figure 8, I’m Your Doll

 8.15/10

“Paper cut it, I feel the slightest rip is a river that’s overflowing me”

 MAGDALENE

Bruh.

I don’t even know what to say honestly, I’m completely blown away. This is heaven.

From the start, I thought this album was gonna be alright, but immediately after home with you I knew this shit was something else. This is by far her most cohesive, beautiful, emotional, greatest album overall. I seriously don’t even know what to say, I’m writing this immediately after my second listen, and I love almost every aspect of it.

I guess I’ll start by the things I liked the least, which were probably the tracks sad day and holy terrain, even though these tracks are at least great. The melodies in sad day are so unique and entrancing, really the only thing I didn’t like as much was the production, which felt like it could have gone a bit further. For holy terrain, I have mixed feelings towards it. While a part of me feels like it was a little weird, a bigger part is amazed at how well these two worlds merged with each other to form a track as beautiful as this; again, it doesn’t stand out as much as some others, and I think twigs sounds a bit like Ariana Grande at the beginning of the hook, but fuck me some moments in this song are insane.

I was a little indifferent towards thousand eyes at first, but I’ve come to appreciate a slow, ascending intro to this mindfuck of an album, and the track right after that, home with you, is pretty much perfect, I have nothing bad to say about it. I love the alternating between processed and raw vocals, and it just ends so beautifully, it’s seriously otherworldly.

“Otherworldly” is actually a great word to describe almost anything here. mary magdalene is a gorgeous look into the ethereal feminine theme this album is solidified over, and sounds like something you’d hear as you ascended into heaven after dying; fallen alien is aggressive like something out of M3LL155X, but even more polished and fits perfect into the context of the album, and after it starts a nearly flawless outro of three tracks: mirrored heart, daybed and cellophane. This is pure emotion, I cannot describe what I felt while listening to these three. The first is probably one of the best songs I’ve ever heard, or at least that’s what I feel right now. I have to be extremely careful not to listen to this too much, so it doesn’t lose its magic on me.

daybed is much simpler instrumentally, with an ambient undertone to the track that just really fits my personal tastes. The lyrics in this track are raw feels, in fact the lyrics in MAGDALENE in general sound much more mature and fleshed out, and I absolutely love it, it’s heartbreak, bittersweet beauty in every direction, all connected by this weird theme of something greater than humanity; if twigs’ intent was to make herself look extraterrestrial with her art, but at the same time undeniably human, then I think she succeeds, because, to me, it feels like she is the music, it feels like she pulls these songs straight from her soul, and that’s why it’s so alien, because it is incredibly human.

For the closer, cellophane absolutely wrecks your heart with a gorgeous piano ballad, and I’m very happy I never heard this song, considering it is the lead single to the album, because it just added so much emotion to the outro of one of the best albums I’ve heard. I seriously cannot get enough of it, and I think I’ll go sleep for a while now just to clear my mind a little bit. I’m sorry if these three “reviews” haven’t gone super in depth with the albums, but I feel like if I talk about them any longer they’ll lose some of their beauty to me, plus I’m not doing this to be perfectly objective, just to share my super biased, super inexperienced thoughts on what I listen to. So I guess just listen to them. They’re awesome. Peace.

 FAVORITE TRACKS: home with you, mirrored heart, cellophane, daybed, mary magdalene

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK: none

 9.45/10

“Aching is my laughter, busy is my pastime, telling is my silence, blurring my horizon, smothered is my distance, careful are my footsteps, possessive is my daybed.”

#fka twigs #r&b #art pop #pop #album #album review #review #electronic #this is ecstasy #magdalene #lp1 #m3ll155x #EP Review #EP

[janiedean]

so admittingly I don't know much about springsteen but your top 5/10 springsteen songs and why?

WELL THEN HERE WE GO (sorry this required a long answer) (also if I start going like ‘this is it bUT IN THIS VERSION NOT IN THAT ONE it’s because actually he has wildly different version of the same song XDDD)

*cough* *drum roll* videos for the first five + links for the others as usual xD

one: the ghost of tom joad

I once ranted about this specific song in detail so here if anyone’s interested, but: it took me years to decide on which one was my favorite overall but then I went for tom joad because it has all. it’s a heartbreaking song that updates one of my favorite ever novels (the grapes of wrath) to current days situations and guys I swear to god the fact that he put to music tom’s speech to his mother in the novel at the end after rehashing the themes in a new light in the rest of it killed me and I want it tattooed, so. tom joad now and always thanks guys. I love this damned song to levels that are embarrassing as hell.

two: no surrender (in the live 75-85 version)

so: no surrender is originally on born in the usa and actually it’s my favorite song from that record regardless - like, it opens side two and I remember that the first time I heard it was on a tape a friend’s dad (haha) had lent me bc he knew I was into bruce and he was too and I turned it to the second side of the tape and played it and I was like holy crap this is it but then I heard the acoustic live version from the following tour and guys. guys. if you ever had friends you fell out of touch with but still remember fondly and/or friendships you know that even if you don’t talk for a while you’ll always be close when you meet again this is.. just… idk it hit me like a punch in the stomach and it never left. I cried every single time he played it live when I went to see him. no regrets. I love this song sfm and the melancholy in the acoustic version just destroys me.

three: for you (acoustic piano version)

I 100% realize this is probably a weird choice for top three, but: this was on his first album and the version on there is pretty damned good - it’s about a guy whose girlfriend tries to commit suicide and reminesces about their relationship - and you’d go like why, but: first of all he has some of his best lines in this (my electric surges free I just sdgsldjl) and the entire last stanza where he goes from where I found you broken at the beach to the end is just a knife into your heart, but this goddamned version here just goes and tears your heart out and stomps on it and I swear if there is one thing I want from bruce is that he plays this in front of me next time I see him live because for now I never managed and just - the slow piano kills me. I love it. the fact that when I asked brian fallon in a tumblr q&a his fave bruce song and he said this specific one just confirmed he’s a true intellectual. ;)

four: drive all night

or: this is the love song. I just. the first time I heard this I fell off the chair or something and it was the studio version which is nowhere near as heartfelt as the live versions and I swear it’s just - it has very lovely lyrics that perfectly balance melancholy and hopeful and don’t make it saccharine, the fucking sax solo destroys me every single goddamned time I hear it and when you get to the end and he says that she has his love heart and soul it’s The Most Heartfelt Thing I Have Ever Heard In My Life Or Close To It and I just, I love drive all night with every inch of my atoms, bye.

five: badlands

I ranted about this extensively yesterday here so I refer you to it for long rant about it, but tldr: this was actually the first bruce song I ever heard knowing it was by bruce - it wasn’t what got me on that train but it still was the first and like… I didn’t understand it for a long time bc my first run-in with bruce was a hit and miss but then I did and like, this song is basically quintessential bruce because it has all his themes rolled up into one, all the good stuff, everything that is good about his music and most of all live it’s a goddamned religious experience. 

so, that was for the top five, but top ten…

six: youngstown (click here for full rant from last year) which was a hard choice but this damned song slays me whether acoustic or electric and I love his use of language and how he built it and how he teaches you things in five minutes pretty much and how the music/mood matches the words in both versions and seems to mean different approaches but still doesn’t change the core of it, and is2g the last two lines and the second stanza and the line he recycled from the mahardige book he inspired himself with when he wrote this are just goddamned out of this world and like this one raised the ladder for years but I just, love it to pieces

seven: rosalita (come out tonight), or: bruce does serious and politics incredibly well but this one is just a delight from beginning to end, it’s fun, I could listen to it for a month without getting tired, it always puts a smile on my face and the entire last part where he tells her to inform her dad he has a record company now so no reason to hate that his daughter is with a moneyless musician is just… so… lovely and fun and lighthearted and I just really love this song a lot ;;

eight: highway patrolman or, there’s no way a top ten bruce songs has no nebraska material from me because nebraska Is A Damn Masterpiece and this one’s my fave off it, but tldr: the utter, absolute way this thing slays you with just voice and guitar and the way he makes you feel about the cop who ends up letting his brother with ptsd from vietnam escape after he accidentally kills someone is out of this world and I just, this one really has a way to make you empathize with the narrator and my heart ;_; (also the movie they made from it which is in that video is really good k viggo mortensen playing the brother with ptsd isn’t leaving me anytime soon)

nine: thunder road (rant attached to the link) or: this one is short and sweet but honest, it’s not The Definitive Love Song To Me just bc drive all night exists. this damned song is a masterpiece in itself. it’s flawless. it has the crescendo, it has the fact that at whichever moment in his life he sings it it works, ‘it’s a town full of losers and I’m pulling out of here to win’ is the most iconic line that ever ended a song or close to it and it’s exactly the kinda love song you wanna hear if you want realistic love song material and just, legendary. okay? legendary.

ten: american skin (41 shots), or: this actually is what got me into springsteen bc I borrowed the live album it was published on originally after my first try with darkness went so-so, I listened to it and was like ‘okay yeah he’s good’, then I got to this one and went like ‘wait a fucking moment this isn’t just good’ (count that I was twelve and understood maybe 1/5th in the english songs I heard), I actually looked it up, went like woah wait aaand listened to it for two weeks straight, bought the record, translated everything by hand, started reading about what the fuck was wrong with the circumstances for which it was written and here I am twenty years later dying over bruce and having been introduced thanks to him to 80% of his country’s societal issues or I’d have had no idea that early in my life. anyway: other than the sentimental value, it’s honestly out of this world good and the live version just nailed it way better than the studio that was released years later and I love bruce a lot, k? k.

thanks for letting me rant ;)

#bruce springsteen #springsteen birthday extravaganza 2k19 #if anyone not from fandom clicks on the rants don't mind the anon hate i started them from ;) #jlannister #ask post

[primedirection]

Homecoming

In which things don't go as planned

Warnings: A lil angst & a lil fluff mentions of panic attack

AN: Kinda did this one for me idk.. Hope you like it anyway!

(Uce- Samoan for brother. Sounds like oose)

Harry wasn't coming home.

He'd been away for three months this time and it seemed to be the hardest. Promises of coming home were thrown around left and right so much it lost it's merit. It was supposed to be his last week two weeks ago and yet he was still needed all over the place for reasons she lost track of. Hosting for James Corden, Album teaser promos, Gucci photo shoots, music video location scouting, auditions and so on and so forth. So busy that at best she was lucky she got a text of recognition or a FaceTime session every other week.

Honestly she tried not to fault him for it, not to hold it against him. She understood more than anyone what his career meant to him and how hard he worked to achieve his goals and dreams. Truly a blessing and a curse all at once. But once the disappointment hit it, it hit and took it's tole.

For right now she was done dealing with it.

She'd been so fed up of being alone and having no one to talk to in person that she requested the week off from work and sent for tor nephews to come visit. The same week of vacation time she'd been planning to use to visit Harry on the road. But decided that she'd only be a distraction to him during the short moments she did get to see him. The boys were out for the summer anyway and thanks to the overwhelming Facebook post of their mother, she knew they all could use a break.

From the moment that they stepped inside the departure terminal she realized that she had made the right decision. Bombarded with affection from all directions the second they were close enough. The relief practically consuming her. It was all quite surreal since she practically helped raise them. Like just yesterday she was changing their diapers for extra cash on the weekends so that their parents date nights could ensue. Now here they are teenage heartbreakers bragging about their own personal lives.

As the week went by things only got better. For once the massive house was filled with endless laughter and the type of love that came without judgment and ridicule. Unconditional love. That alone created a joy so pure that the evilest intentions couldn't spoil it. Something she honestly hasn't felt in a while. The atmosphere was almost magical whenever either of their families visited and this time was no different.

This was exactly what the doctor ordered and a complete win-win situation. Because while she gave them something to somewhat brag about to all their friends back home (via pictures with their beloved uncle's Mustang) they gave her enough peace of mind to stop checking her phone every 30 seconds, nonetheless throughout the entire day. To the point she felt comfortable enough to turn it off. Thanks to the hyperactive bunch most nights sleep found her first since the boys turned out to be a handful in the best way.

Or so she thought.

When it was their final day she decided to go all out. An early trip to The Grove to spoil them rotten, as any elected favorite auntie would. Then retired back home to fire up the grill for dinner while the two full-blown teenagers made their last rounds of projecting themselves like missiles inside the pool.

"Heyyy, unless y'all want to find out how edible chlorine is y'all better chill out!" She shouted playfully over her shoulder when a particular splash reached far enough to soak her from the waist down. ”Now out of the water so we can eat!" She retreated back inside the house followed by a chorus of disappointed 'AWWWWWs'.

"Good to see you're 'avin fun," Harry's sudden appearance in the kitchen nearly made her scream. So divulged in burger making she never noticed him. Short hair a mess from his incessant hand's tousling, everything about him was hard and only amplified by the bags resting under his eyes.

Though by the look on his face and his tone she wasn't sure how to feel. The impulsive urge to rush over and enrapt him in over due love was killed when she felt the energy around him. Clearly he was upset. So she gently tested the waters, "When did you get back?"

"You'd know if you read at least one of my fuckin' messages," Harry was pissed and right now her oblivion to it only made it worse as he silently noted that she didn't rush to greet him as he had expected.

They were both stubborn to a fault sometimes, this one being one of them. And while he had his passive aggressive moments she had her combative confronting moments to match them. Thus why disagreements often turned into war zones.

In her eyes he had absolutely no right to be this angry, "You mean the one you send every other week? Sorry, didn't know I was supposed to wait every got damn second by the phone for a chance you might get the urge to call me!"

"S'not like you couldn't call me. Guess I'm not much of priority to you when I'm across the world am I? Much less having a panic attack," That's not at all what he wanted to say. He honestly didn't even mean it. But sometimes, very rarely, he spoke without thinking. Though every single one of those times his words were purposely reckless, usually with the intent of pushing buttons. Which in this case happened to be several of hers.

There was so many things wrong with his rebuttal that it frazzled her, "Panic attack?!"

"Yeah. Tha' thing where you can't breathe and it really feels like you're dying," his attitude was in full force as he elaborated.

Her eyes narrowed in a glare, "How was I supposed to know that would happen when I finally try and distract myself?"

"There's a difference between distracting yourself and flat out ignoring me,"

"So now it's my fault that you don't know when to fucking quit? One more week.. one more week.. Jeff says this Jeff says that blah blah blah!" She mocks his voice angrily. "Do you ever even think of how hard it is for me when you're gone? You've got hundreds of people constantly around you and I'm just here alone in this big ass house-"

"Fuck this!" He groans utterly aggravated, pivoting on his heels to storm out. The past three days had felt like the worst of his life and she was totally none the wiser. Even now as he struggled to keep afloat, to keep his head above water she only seemed interested in knocking him down.

"Fuck what? Fuck me? Is that what you're saying?" She demanded hurt, meanwhile in his mind he knew she was seeing nothing but red.

At that response he knew this was going nowhere fast, definitely nowhere good anyway. He couldn't talk to her when she was like this, angry beyond reason where even the most innocent things rub her the wrong way.

"Uce?!" As soon as he was noticed they both knew the argument was temporarily over. Long ago she had indulged Harry of their dysfunctional childhood due to the immaturity of their parents, and sworn to always provide safe spaces for them. So for everyone's sake she quickly left the room, using her soiled clothes as an excuse.

Harry may not have been in any mood to host but managed to allow his anger to dissipate when he was pulled into welcoming hugs. He loved her family, especially her nephews. The respect and regard they had for her was daunting and unparalleled. Upon first meeting them, at thirteen and fourteen years old they laid into him better than any father ever could or ever had. Especially since hers passed away when she was young. So profoundly protective there was no surprise on his end when they shared their plan of walking her down the aisle to give her away someday. Though now they were in every way his family without marriage. "We thought you were taking over the world again Uce, what happened?"

Uce, a nickname that was lovingly given to him by the entirety of her family because of his thick accent whenever he said the word 'us'. Endearing enough to immediately strip him of any and all ill feelings. "Not happy to see me?" He teased knowing full well just how much they adored him in return. Proven when they both erupted in offense bright eyed and bushy tailed.

"Uhhh... she's cool, or whatever but even when we're having fun she's still intense," the younger of the brothers informed pointing in the direction she disappeared in.

"And she doesn't have the keys, Uce! She doesn't have the keys!" The elder of the two wailed in true melodramatic fashion.

"Keys?" Harry queries with a frown and yet amused, leaning against the counter and folding his arms over his chest patiently waiting to be clued in on their slang. "Keys to wha'?"

"You know, the Audi.. The girls... How do we get into one of those wild model parties where they do org-"

"Boy the next word out of your mouth better be organization! And you need to be talking about the keys to passing your college entry exams!" She yells on her way upstairs. She'd be so happy when the girl craze phase was over for them, and it couldn't come soon enough.

"See what I mean?" The younger of the two mutters through a mouth full of food shaking his head and Harry started to laugh. He'd never be able to convey how much he missed them when they weren't around. Just them being there almost made him forget he was angry to begin with. Almost. "Anyway you never answered my question?"

Harry sighs heavily suddenly exhausted, "Didn't feel well,"

Sparking even more questions from the two young boys, "Don't you have doctors that travel with you for that?" Snowballing to a squabble even, "Is it contagious?" "Dude!" "I'm just saying, I have football practice when we get back I can't afford to be sick,"

Chuckling despite himself Harry shook his head, "No mate, was a panic attack. Jus' need some rest, been going non stop,"

Both their faces dropped with worry, "Whoa. You okay Uce? I mean is it cool we're here?"

Harry nodded reassuringly, "M' getting there," honestly adding, "Thanks to you lot. Actually wish I'd been here the whole time, s' been awhile since I've seen you last,"

The eldest made a nonchalant noise, "We'll be visiting again soon don't worry. Especially when you start touring for real, the ladies need me,"

"Mate, have you ever heard of quality over quantity? That is the biggest key,"

"Yeah just now, and look who you're with. The biggest control freak of them all,"

Although Harry wasn't totally thrilled with her he had to admit, "It's actually quite sexy when she's not being a pain in the arse,"

"Bruh, I'm eating!" The younger brother snarled and Harry laughed at that. God, he loved them. Practically the little brothers he's always wanted. That feeling in particular struck remembrance inside him, remembrance of what brought on the panic attack in the first place.

He wasn't happy. Sure his professional life was thriving since business was booming, but his relationship suffered the most because of it. These days he was hardly ever home, barely even had the time to make phone calls and the realization scared him. Not once did she complain but he wasn't blind to the fact she was slowly but surely slipping from his grasp. Whether or not her cold shoulder had been intentional over the past week it shook him down to the core. So many of his previous relationships ended like that, with them losing the will to fight for him. Not that he was putting in the same effort back then and he had the worst habit of blaming them for it anyway. Hince the incident a little while ago. But that was the absolute last thing he wanted for them. It just wasn't worth it.

Harry wanted romantic vacations, joint family holidays, anniversary parties, babies! Lots and lots of babies...

A distinct warning pang in his chest made him realize he had to take advantage of the boy's presence while he could. Glancing over his shoulder, he listened hard to make sure the shower was running, "Since we're on the topic I need to talk you lads about something,"

"If it's about your sex life please don't,"

"Relax if I wanted to torture you I'd left you with her. I'm talking about tour. I've been thinking and after this week I'm not sure I want to do it. Like anymore.. Or well at least for right now anyway,"

"Please don't do this to me, I'll finally be old enough to get in the club by the end of this year!" The elder boy whined and the younger smacked the side of his head annoyed.

"Dude shut up he's serious! Anyway... Why not?"

Harry was filled with nerves deciding to break it down nice and easy, "Remember what you told me when we first met?"

"Yeah, 'why are your jeans so tight'? To be honest I'm still wondering...that can't be good for you." The eldest teased.

"Not tha'," Harry chuckled rolling his eyes.

A lightbulb seemed to go off in the mind of the youngest, "Oh, that we're a packaged deal and anything you want with her has to be run through us first,"

Harry took a deep breath nodding in confirmation, "Well, man to man...to man. I think you've had long enough to feel me out. Have I earned your blessings to become your official uncle?"

"Let me get this straight, you want to skip a worldwide tour and a chance to make millions more to get married? Weddings aren't all that much fun,"

"To get married, to go on a honeymoon, and to start making your baby cousins," Harry clarified.

"I'm more so concerned at you not knowing you already had it. We wouldn't have let her move in if we didn't,"

"Yeah Uce, we've all been wondering what the hell is taking so long. Especially grandma, she's been super suspicious of your Aquarius nature," the older boy teased and both boys laughed apparently there was an inside joke he wasn't aware of.

"To be fair I was waiting for your aunt to say something. Guess she's not much of a control freak like we thought huh?" Harry muttered stealing fries from both their plates.

"Yeah right, do you have a ring?" The younger asked as he shielded his plate from Harry's invasion.

"Still having it made," he confessed a little embarrassed.

"Well don't pop it out without us!"

Harry snorted, "Mate, I'd never dream of it," and from the bottom of his heart he meant it.

After everyone showered, the final movie night had progressed rather smoothly. Horror was the only genre the boys would focus on, though it probably had something to do with all the topless scenes in them. Nevertheless she picked this one; 'Wrong Turn' easily one of her favorites.

To her surprise before it started Harry came in the room, dressed in a loose gray T-shirt and navy basketball shorts. Earning a round of cheers from his ever adoring audience. He sat in the row of plush recliners directly behind the boys and it kind of hurt her feelings since she was in the one in front of them. "S' your last night here where else would I be?"

For a long beat of a moment they both exchanged wary glances before drifting back to the screen in front of them. Though in reality she was hardly paying attention. Her curiosity peaked through the roof at just what it took to get him to join. Mostly because, she knew better than anyone when Harry was in a bad mood he isolated himself. But just now he didn't seem to be the slightest bit hostile. Then again she shouldn't be too surpised given he was just another giant kid to them.

Against her better judgment she spared another look just to find him already staring at her. A dimple sinking in one cheek as the corner of his lips tug in a reluctant smile. In turn making her belly swell with butterflies of relief. She also became painfully aware of the distance between them and hated it.

Before she even had time to process the idea of swallowing her pride, she was up out of her seat with her blanket wrapped around her. She could've easily sat in either of the seats beside him but that still wasn't close enough. "Truce?" She whispered pouting guiltily, waving the tag of her soft throw blanket like a flag.

But apparently she wasn't as quiet as she thought, "Wait, you guys are fighting?" Both boys were turned around in their seats, eyes ping ponging back and forth between them worried. Ultimately falling on her, "What did you do?"

"If you don't mind your own business I swear to God you're going to the airport tonight!" She warned icily and that quickly got them to turn back around.

At first Harry doesn't say anything, he simply reclines his seat further back and readjusts his legs to make room for her. Only then did she breathe a sigh of relief. Springing into action, she climbed in next to him sitting with her legs draped over his lap tenting them both in warmth. From there they practically melted into one another her chest to his front, stealing kisses and touches they'd been deprived of. Silent apologies in a way, but just in case she said it aloud, "I'm sorry H," tucking her face into the crook of his neck. The closer she was the better she felt. "Should've been there for you."

"S' okay love me too, I should've been here," he sighed holding on tighter.

"Well we're all here now so can we watch the movie please?" The eldest brother chimed.

She started to swat him in the head from behind until Harry caught her wrist and laughed, "Sorry lads won't happen again," figuring there was a better way to make it up to her quietly. Confusion was blatantly on her face up until Harry stealthily slipped his hand under her shirt, sliding upwards tortuously slow. To stifle her impatience she kissed him deep then. But before she could receive the pleasure of the taste of his lips properly Harry stiffened, and not in the place she wanted him to.

Eyes peeling back open Harry's smirk was sheepish and directed to the front. Met with a grimace, "Ugh puhleeease don't be that couple!" And a glare, "Yeah, I really don't want to be in the room when my baby cousin is conceived,"

She rolled her eyes, "Tuh, it's only fair. I was right next door when both of you were." Kissing him again and causing an over the top show of dry heaving and gagging.

"Uce, c'mon man make it stop!"

Harry merely smiled finally feeling like all was right in the world again. "Gotta keep it fresh lads, it's key."

#Harry styles angst #Harry styles imagines #Harry x reader #Harry styles #one direction imagines #Harry Styles one shot #One direction one shot #harry styles drabble #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #all me #I write I guess

[thatislife]

I’ve listened to the whole Lover album now. It’s wonderful. Some initial thoughts in no particular order...

This feels so much like her. Like she found herself again

I Forgot That You Existed

Indifference. Love it.

Wait. She dropped Drake’s name. In my feelings. Lol

Is it just me or does this have some similar beats/music as This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things?

Cruel Summer

“If I bleed you’ll be the last to know”. So powerful

“I don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you” is so important. I doubt she meant it like this but it reminds me of abuse. Never keep those secrets folks. And there’s a difference between someone wanting to keep a relationship a secret for privacy and wanting to keep it a secret because of shame. Know the difference. And dump them if it’s the latter.

Her vocals when she sings “I cried like a baby coming back from the bar”! SO GOOD!

“I scream for whatever it’s worth, ‘I love you, ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?!?’”

“He looks so pretty like a devil” reminds me of Miley Cyrus’s 7 Things. In the best way. Actually the whole song kind of does. But a better, more adult, more refined version.

Cruel Summer could have been on 1989. Easily. Did Jack Antonoff produce this? Oh, yup. Totally did.

Cruel Summer might be my favorite

Lover (song)

60s vibes. Love it. Sounds like her. Love the video. Not having as much of a “reaction” because it’s not new to me anymore. But that video! SO THOUGHT OUT

The Man

I am so fucking here and for The Man

Seriously. The bullshit women, especially powerful and successful women, have to put up with is insane

“What I was wearing” is a reference to how women are treated in cases of sexual assault, yeah? Do we agree? Good

Ok, The Man may be my favorite. Or at least it’s my new anthem

Love the Leo name check

This song is going to be so fucking good on tour. I need to find a pantsuit to wear...

Archer

Again, not new anymore. But SO good. Feels like anxiety to me. The expectation that everyone and everything is going to leave you.

Basically one of my therapy sessions.

Eyes Open gives me similar vibes

I Think He Knows.

Very fun. A bop.

“I am an architect, I’m drawing up the plans”. Girl. We could have told him that lol. We were the first victims of your plans haha

Love it. Also going to be great on tour

Miss Americans & The Heartbreak Prince

About her “exile”. Really like this. I’m sad that she felt this way.

“You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes” is such a middle finger to it all. Love it.

“Boys will be boys”. Their behavior is always explained or excused, but women have to meet insane standards of decorum. Not to mention the obvious reference to how sexual assault is treated

This song is probably going to become my favorite. I see it as the one that’s going to sneak up on me and constantly find itself played multiple times in a row

Paper Rings

SO FUN

“Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet” hahahaha 😂😂😂 (She should have asked us for tips)

THIS IS GOING TO BE SO FUN ON TOUR

“In dirty dreams” okuuurrr Taylor! Get it girl!

Such a sweet song.

If she’s not engaged or married yet, I’d be shocked. Not that it is any of my business.

Has a sort of early 2000’s teen romcom montage song vibe

Cornelia Street

The way she sings “I never want Cornelia Street again” is so good

I hope she never needs Cornelia Street again. No offense to Cornelia Street

I like all of the insights into the beginnings of their relationship

I think I hear storms/thunder at the end. Not sure what it’s about but I like it

Death By A Thousand Cuts

I like the strain/frustration in her voice. Like she’s saying it through gritted teeth

I think this one will also sneak up on me

“I ask the traffic lights if it’ll be alright”. Love that

“Trying to find a part of me that you didn’t touch/take up” is SO great. It starts as just physical and her body but it reaches into every aspect of her life. It reminds me of “I try to be my old self but I’m still trying to find it”

Love the rhythm/cadence of it

London Boy

IDRIS ELBA!!!!!!!!

Idris Elba has a scooter!!!

The chorus reminds me of Ed Sheeran’s verse in End Game

This will also be super fun on tour

London fans getting all these references!!! YOU ARE SEEN!!!

Soon You’ll Get Better

I knew this song was going to destroy me

When she sings “‘Cause you have to” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Praying to the prescription bottles.

Praying to a god you don’t believe in because you’re desperate and scared

“I just pretend it isn’t real. I’ll paint the kitchen neon, I’ll brighten up the sky” Trying to do anything to fix things, to make it better, to control anything in a situation that is out of your control is such a helpless feeling. It’s infuriating. And I’m currently living it

The bridge 💔

Then she changes it to “‘Cause I have to” 😭💔😭

I’m so glad the Dixie Chicks collaborated on this

How was she even able to record this?

Ronan is heartbreaking but this is in an entirely different stratosphere of devastating

She said in the live Lover Lounge thing that she spoke with her family about whether to release it and that it was a family decision. I’m glad it was

I’ve currently got a young family member who has an incurable, terminal cancer. This was hard to listen to.

Definitely a “listen to alone while curled up on the floor, sobbing” kind of song

False God

I like it but I think any song positioned right after Soon You’ll Get Better was going to have a hard time

Very jazzy?

A very good companion to Dress

You Need To Calm Down

I love this

I will always love this

It’s all pride flags, feminism, and middle fingers and I 👏🏼 AM 🏳️‍🌈 HERE ♀FOR 🖕🏻 IT 👏🏼

Afterglow

I like that she’s being very upfront about how her anxiety and previous trauma has affected her relationships

The afterglow is the calm after the storm of a fight

Me!

When Panic! released “Dying In L.A.”, literally the first thing I said after hearing it was “I want him to duet with Taylor. It would be SO GOOD”

I was right 😁

So fun. Love them together

Brendon Urie’s voice is just so uniquely amazing. It’s basically a sexual orientation by itself.

My sexual orientation may just be Brendon Urie

I might be biased

Still amazing

GIRL THERE AINT NO I IN TEAM!!!

Tour closer? Prediction

It’s Nice To Have A Friend

I like the simplicity

Like childhood

Seriously. I think she’s married

I think it’s going to overly criticized for its simplicity

May get overlooked by some of the more powerful songs, but there’s power in simplicity too

Daylight

It’s a fresh start

Reminiscent of clean

Really like it

Winds down the album well

Many call backs “Burning Red” “It’s Golden”

I love the voice memo to close it out

Step into the daylight and let it go ❤️

Basically, I love this album. It really is her best one. Plus, SHE OWNS IT 😁

@taylorswift @taylornation

#lover album #lover #taylor nation #taylor swift lover #taylornation #taylurking #taylor swift #swiftie #swifties

[chaossmagic]

Hi!! Robron Secret Santa here! ❄️🌲☃️ I hope you are having a great day! I wanted to ask a few questions so I could get you know you better. What is your favorite color/s? Do you have a favorite quote or song? What are your top 10 robron scenes? Is there anything you really want to see on your gift? I’m so excited I got you and Merry Christmas!!

Hello my darling Secret Santa!!! It is nice to meet you (sort of)!!! And afsdghhhdgfkkh you are excited to get little old me??? I am intrigued! And happy because you are so sweet, Secret Santa

favourite colours - reds, purples, blues, silver, black. actually i like any colours except browns and greys. but reds, purples and blues are my favourites.

favourite song - too many! but i’m kind of obsessed with “let me love you” by rita ora because it just. SCREAMS. affair era robron (and i love the affair era, even though i gather a lot of people don’t?? i just. i love how tropey it is. GLORIOUS.) also anything by ariana grande or halsey. if you wanted to go down the angsty route, her ‘badlands’ album is full of beautiful lyrics that i just love, and may speak to your inspiration ;)

top 10 robron scenes - why are you doing this to me, secret santa? why?

1. technically not a robron scene because robert isn’t even in it, but i love the conversation aaron has with paddy where he admits he loves robert and confesses who he’s really been seeing, or his relationship status anyway. the raw honesty in that scene from someone who is usually so guarded is heartbreaking…and sweet.

2. the deleted watch scene from the wedding 2.0. IT’S ADORABLE. 

3. literally any time they refer to each with the other’s last name. i melt inside every time they do their “mr dingle/mr sugden” bit. IT’S TOO CUTE.

4. the reunion 2.0 from earlier this year. enough said.

5 the christmas/prison goodbye from 2016. i bawled my fucking eyes out and was not okay for several hours (days). the forehead touch, which wasn’t even scripted, danny and ryan just did that for the hell of it. 

6. the gordon abuse reveal scene. robert’s dawning horror as he realizes what aaron is telling him, and how aaron is so brave and strong even though he’s going to pieces and robert just sits there and listens, without judging, without passing any comments, just letting him tell his story. it’s hard to watch, but it’s so well done and, imo, underrated. 

7. let’s add onto that and go with that whole stretch of episodes where aaron falls ill after getting sepsis from an infected self-inflicted injury and robert is the one who rushes him to hospital and gets him help. he didn’t have to, but he did. he looked after him while he was sick, was genuinely worried about him, and told the reception nurse aaron was his boyfriend just so he could see him and make sure for himself that he was alright. 

8. the lakeside scene when we meet liv for the first time and robert tells him he’ll wait for aaron, as long as he needs him to, so that he can heal and move on, and when he’s ready he’ll be waiting with open arms for him again

9. that scene where aaron walks in on liv chasing robert around the mill with a saucepan, because it’s hilarious 

10. SSW where they’re both on the verge of drowning and they both use their last few breaths to tell the other to save themselves and go - but refuse, because if they’re going to die, they are dying together dammit, no-one is getting left behind 

These are just off the top of my head!!! But I hope that’s given you some things to get started :) I’m really looking forward to getting my gift from you!!

#anon

[ollyarchive]

Olly Alexander Just Wants to Be Straight with You

BY

BRENNAN CARLEY

PHOTOGRAPHS BY

ALEX RESIDE

The Years & Years frontman is back with a new single, a new hair color, and a new outlook on straight men.

Olly Alexander walks into GQ's photo studio and removes his hat, revealing a shock of brightly dyed red hair. Whether that means something to you or not depends on how familiar you are with and fanatic about the British singer's incredibly popular band, Years & Years. The trio's already put out one incredible album (2015's Communion), picked up fans like Katy Perry, and are now gearing up for their sophomore project, coming this summer and anchored by the just-released "Sanctify", which chronicles Alexander's experience sleeping with and falling for a straight man. It's an effortless synth-pop song with vivid religious imagery, a sticky chorus, and cheeky lyrics like "You don't have to be straight with me / I see what's underneath your mask," which is sort of Years & Years' sweet spot: Just when you think you have them figured out, they take you to a deeper place than you thought pop music could go.

Alexander, who's 27, is also known both for his acting work (you may have seen him on Skins) and for his outspokenness as a member of the gay community (his 2017 BBC documentary, Growing Up Gay, is a phenomenal watch). Boyish in appearance but confident in presentation, Alexander lounges in a windowless green room in lower Manhattan, fielding our questions about self-care, new music, and—yes—straight men.

GQ: When did you start working on the album? Olly Alexander: It was September 2016. We had finished up the majority of our touring. We were gonna take a break, and I...didn't take a break. I just started working on the second album. I did take like three weeks where I just deliberately did nothing and read books and stuff at home. But I also went to Taiwan and Bali by myself. It was a really good trip. It was fun.

I love being alone. [A solo vacation's] not for everybody, but I just like how you can do your own thing at your own time. You don't have to give a shit about anyone else's preferences, what they want to do. And you make friends and stuff.

Have you always liked being alone? Solitude is very restorative for me, especially because I spend so much time around other people and performing to people. And when you're on tour, you're sharing a bus with 20 people.

How did you handle needing solitude on the road? It's tough because you're constantly traveling, and you're in this whirlwind with no stability. I definitely got better at creating my own personal alone time within the company of lots of other people. It would be like, "Don't talk to me. I'm reading my book. I'm inside my bunk on my tour bus, and it's like literally a coffin." No one can come in, and I can just close the curtain and be here and be alone. And then, also, I would do things. It's fun touring. In America, the drives are so long, and then you make a stop over in El Paso or Cleveland. In Cleveland, I remember we had a day off, and I just Googled "things to do in Cleveland," and number three was "the cemetery." So, I went! And it was a good cemetery. Spend more time in cemeteries.

Why'd you jump right back into writing after the first album cycle wrapped? In my mind, I was like, "I'll just get loads of songs out of the way because I know how this process works. It's gonna take a really, really long time to find anything good, and I just want to get a good chunk in right now. And then I'll take the rest of the year off and start again in the New Year."

Once I started doing it, I was like, "Oh, I actually really like writing music." When you're touring and promoting an album, I wasn't writing any music or necessarily being super creative at all, and I forgot how much that's very important to me. It was encouraging because there's always a part of you that thinks, "Maybe I just can't. I won't be able to do it again. I won't be able to write another song."

Where did "Sanctify" come in the process? It came pretty early. I've been having a lot of encounters with straight guys that were not being straight with me and were struggling, to put it lightly, with their sexuality. I was very fascinated by that dynamic because for starters, it's a very common experience, I think, for gay men to fall for a straight guy.

I mean, I've done it. I think for a lot of gay guys, you're at school and fall in love with your straight friends. That happened to me, and I think that's really super common. But also, now that I'm an out gay man—very out—I've noticed how some straight guys gravitate...it's weird because I've almost found myself having these encounters with straight guys and find myself playing this saint and sinner role, or like this angel and devil, because I'm leading them down the path of "sinful gayness," but also I'm helping them satisfy the sexual desire that they feel they can't get anywhere else. It's strange to have that dichotomy, and so I was like, "I'm gonna write a song about it!"

Most of my straight crushes happened when I was younger, where it's like, "Oh, I feel like I can lust after this person because it's likely never going to amount to anything because they're straight, so it's not gonna hurt me in the end." I relate to that 100 percent. That's something that I felt when I was younger. But then it happened to me recently where I was like, "Am I having feelings for this straight guy? What is that about?"

It's like you said: Putting away your emotions and investing in someone that ostensibly is never gonna give you that back. It's kind of heartbreaking. Why would anybody put themselves in that position? I think when you're a gay guy, navigating the dating world and romance, it's hard enough. If you're just stepping outside of all of that bullshit and just putting it on a straight guy, you're right: "Oh, that will never happen. My feelings aren't gonna get hurt." Even though they always kind of do. You're lying to yourself.

Have you felt from straight men—or men that present as straight, I suppose—that they've projected those angel and devil roles back on you? Yes. It's funny because it's like you feel the sense of responsibility to not fuck up this guy that's clearly struggling with his sexuality, but then resenting the fact that I had to tread on eggshells.

Is it especially hard for you to date because you're you? Yeah. It's funny because I downloaded Grindr. I was newly single toward the end of 2016, and I've been in relationships all throughout my 20s, and I was like, "I really want to be single, and I need to be alone." I think it's the right decision, but I'm literally like...I haven't seen Call Me by Your Name, and now I just cannot watch it because I'm just like, "Why would I watch depictions of two men being in love when I know I'll die alone?" I just can't handle that right now.

Anyway, when I was newly single, I downloaded Grindr because I'd been in relationships or I'd been in the band. I couldn't have Grindr, but then I was like, "Wait, but why the fuck can't I have Grindr? I want to have this experience." You know? So I downloaded it and I was on it, and then it was just weird because people would think I was catfishing myself, which was kind of a head fuck.

Grindr has some great things about it, but it also has a lot of negatives, and it's just very hard to trust anybody. It just feels like this meat market of dick pics and sex positions. "Are you a top or bottom?" It does kind of depress me a bit, even though I love to hook up as much as the next guy. It's good for that, but people would think I was catfishing myself, or they'd be like, "Oh, I'm such a big fan," and that's kind of a turnoff, so it didn't go super well for me.

You know how some people have dreams of moving to Florence or living in Seoul? You can still do all of those things, but I always think for queer people, "Well, I kind of need to live somewhere where I'm not gonna face abuse." A queer-friendly place. I think a lot of straight people forget that sometimes. They're surprised when I say that to them.

I think the assumption with straight people is that it's 2018 and even though things are better for gay people, it's not entirely true. I went to a wedding in San Antonio with my partner a couple of weeks ago, and I remember thinking, "Oh! This is the first time in a long time that I have not felt comfortable!" Yeah, I totally agree with you. Back when I had a boyfriend, if we were getting a cab together, I would a be a little uncomfortable kissing in the back of a cab. A lot of that has to do with my own issues around internalized homophobia that I grew up with, but at the same time, I do live in a really gay-friendly city. But if you leave London, half an hour away, you feel like it's a completely different landscape, and, you know, it does feel very threatening to just hold your boyfriend's hand or be yourself.

That is the reality for most queer people. I think we have made amazing strides in so many ways and we can be super happy about that, but it would be delusional to think that everything's fine. It's also because the LGBT community is so diverse, so intersectional, and I think people outside of the community forget that. But people within the community forget it, too. We don't actually reach equality unless everybody has equality, but if you're used to privilege, true equality feels like oppression. Unfortunately, we're white gay dudes, and we are a minority, and we have our own systems of oppression, but we're also at the top of the privilege tree. I think there's a lot of imbalance there.

I'm always gonna support my siblings in the community, but it does make me really sad to see how much racism, sexism, and transphobia that exists from within, and I think there are lots and lots of reasons for that, but we just can't really lose sight of the fact that we're all fighting similar battles.

You use the word "queer." A lot of people are still uncomfortable with that. Yes.

Have you had a moment where you've said to yourself, "I am comfortable using this and here's the reason why"? Yeah. Whenever I have these kind of conversations, I try and say I personally like "queer," but I understand that it's really painful for many people, and I've had a few people get offended with my use of the word, which I do completely understand. I'd like to think I have enough humility to be able to engage with that person that has the problem with that word, and I would listen and I would try and learn something from that experience.

I suppose for me, I like it because it feels very inclusive. "LGBT" is also good, and both feel separate but also similar. I don't know. I would be interested to hear what you think about the word and the use of the word.

I feel the same way. I think it's a generation who grew up knowing that word as an insult and a slur, that's hesitant to let a younger generation reclaim it. I think in 20 years, the gay twentysomethings at that time will be using "fag" as slang, but I was called it when I was younger, and I'm not comfortable yet letting that word be reclaimed. Yeah, I feel the same way about that [word], too.

It might say more about me than it says about them. Maybe I should be thrilled that they're so comfortable to take that word, especially when we're having the conversation about "queer." I'm comfortable using "queer," but it's also because the kids who were bullying me when I was 12 and 13 weren't using that as an insult. Exactly, yeah. I have not grown up with being victimized by that word. That is a super important distinction. But some gay guys feel like it diminishes a gay identity, and I love being a gay man. I identify as a gay man all the time, but I also like to identify as queer. I suppose it feels like it encompasses my gay identity, but it also encompasses some other stuff—a more fluid approach to my gender. And I feel like when I spend time with my friends who identify as genderqueer or non-binary, queer feels like the best word for us all as group. Language is so multifaceted, and these are words that we can employ in different situations, and they don't have to be fixed. If we're just carrying on these conversations, then I think we're fine.

You talked about the people that you have surrounded yourself with. Have you built up a support system within the community? Oh yeah, 100 percent. I moved away from home when I was 18 to London, and what I did was just try to find my family and people that I felt could understand the experience that I was going through. I've met amazing people. I've also lost amazing people along the way, and unfortunately that's normal.

I'm not saying that being straight is easy, but when you're gay, you don't really have a familial network or support system. You have to find that. Also, I think there's a whole erasure of queer people who are in their 60s, 70s, 80s, and so there's this collective anxiety about aging and who's gonna love us and who's gonna take care of us and what if we don't have kids because we don't have any rulebooks for that or any guidebooks for that. It feels completely terrifying, and I know that I'm not alone in thinking that.

Do you worry at all about getting older? For sure. Now I feel a little bit more comfortable with it and I think, "Oh my God, I'm so happy that I'm not gonna have to worry." I don't want to have kids, and that's just a personal choice. It's nothing to do with being gay or not, but I used to worry that "Oh, I'm gay, and that means I can't have a longterm relationship or get married or have kids." That was just the thing that you were supposed to have, that everybody was supposed to have. Now, of course, we do live in a world where it's totally normal for gay guys to get married and have kids.

Now I kind of feel like, "Oh well, I feel like I can just be empowered enough to make the choice to not have those things. I don't want them," and still live a full, happy life and get old and be a mad gay guy living by the sea like Grace and Frankie. That's literally all I'm aiming toward, is living like Grace and Frankie.

You just mentioned how we're meant to assume that we won't have long relationships. I've been in a relationship for almost four years, but the way that straight people talk about the length of their relationship, as if it's like...you know how when you have a dog, and it's like, "Well, he's 8 in dog years, but he's 64 in human years." People seem shocked that we're able to carry out longterm monogamy. I know. On the one hand, I think one of the great things about being gay, I find, is it's not a given that you're gonna immediately enter a monogamous relationship with somebody that just has to last as long as possible, and it fails when it ends. It's like one rule, and it's not to cheat. I love that it feels like there are more possibilities. For myself as a gay guy, I feel like, "Oh, maybe I could have a different kind of relationship," which is great but...

The rulebook is different. Exactly. But at the same time, it does show the double standard that gay people are viewed as less likely to be able to commit. I think there are lots of reasons for that, and I don't want to jump to, like, "Oh, well, straight people just think that gay guys are deviant and promiscuous," you know? There's a seed of truth to that, still, that it is kind of a surprise to see a longterm relationship.

It's crazy how we have one relationship model. I think even five years ago, people weren't super aware of what polyamory meant or being in a throuple. And I was like, "Maybe I wanna be in a throuple?" And I was like, "Actually, that seems like the best relationship ever." I just wanna be the unicorn in the throuple, and I can live in the next house to the couple. Wait, this sounds so fun. How can I arrange this?

I'm sure you can arrange that. I know. In my mind, I'm working toward the Grace and Frankie throuple situation. I'm just gonna get high by the beach all day. Maybe see my husbands or whoever they are a couple times a week.

Styling by Nick Royal

#olly alexander #years & years #yearsandyears #articles #interview #interviews #photo shoots #photo shoot