#this is what people mean by capital-R Romantic—i’m feeling so many EMOTIONS

[aj-lenoire]

oh my GOD this scene. amita suman and freddy carter did so much justice to this scene

the way they looked at one another? how carter was just vibrating like he always does? the fact the dialogue was taken nearly verbatim from the book?? perfectly integrated to this version of the story i love it

#i literally punched the air when he grabbed her arm and i realised it was gonna be this scene #this is what people mean by capital-R Romantic—i’m feeling so many EMOTIONS #grishaverse #netflix shadow and bone #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #kanej #freddy carter #amita suman #aj watches #aj watches shadow and bone

[kaypeace21]

Analyzing the 5 plays in this drama club poster .From the bts pics of stranger things 4.

So... some of ya’ll know I'm going through the st s4 films given to us by the official st twitter + the films reffed in the show itself or mentioned by the Duffers in interviews .

So I decided to look at the plays mentioned here. Because even if we don't see the monologues in the show directly - the Duffers wouldn't name drop anything unless it inspired them in some way. Similar to films name dropped in the show. Tw : for some dark themes .

This is just a quick little analysis I decided to do since we probably won't get any new st content today (3/22). Nothing too deep. Just mentioning things that caught my interest especially cause these plays have a lot of narrative connections to the st s4 movies I've been watching.

Invitation to a march (Authur laurents)

Reminds me of the stancy/jancy love triangle. "A young woman is having second thoughts about doing the right thing and marrying a respectable , rich, kind, young man with good prospects.By way of a prewedding diversion, this woman becomes interested in the passionate but poor and entirely unsuitable son of a local landlord.Basically, the plot concerns the efforts of Norma Brown to choose between a conventional fiance who "puts her to sleep" but is wealthy (like what her own mother did) or go for this new-poor guy. The play is principally interested in how this youthful love triangle affects the three mothers involved (whether the kids like it or not)

12th night (Shakespeare)

 - viola (el) wrongly assumes a family member (hopper) is dead. She dresses up as a man named 'cesario'. A girl named Olivia falls for 'cesario' (violet dressed as a man). "Finally, when 'Cesario' and Sebastian (violet's twin brother: assumed to have drowned - Will) appear in the presence of Olivia there is more wonder and confusion at their physical similarity. Taking Sebastian for 'Cesario', Olivia asks him to marry her, and they are secretly married in a church. Cough if Olivia is 'straight' cause she fell for Viola (as a doppleganger dressed like her twin brother).Mike being into el who multiple characters in s1 said looked like a boy and specifically like Will is...suspish and a hint he's not straight lol. just like Olivia they're both into guys . plus, this play just has a butt load of love triangles (ugh i hated that aspect). There was also romantically coded letters (which was in the s4 films) . One character is also thrown into an insane asylum and framed as 'insane'.'Pretending that Malvolio is insane, they lock him up in a dark chamber. Feste visits him to mock his insanity'. We all know the psych hospital will be narratively important- talked about it more here.

The seagull (Anton Chekhov-russian)

similar to how I believed s4 will show m*#even already broken up since the months between s3-4 : act 3 (s3) ends with Nina begging for one last chance to be with Trigorin before he leaves/moves away. They kiss and make plans to meet again in Moscow.And in act 4 there's a timeskip where it shows they've been broken up for a long time between acts- and its established they never actually loved eachother. Do i even have to spell out why this parallels the m*#even ending in s3? There is also a play within the play (this is common in a lot of the st films- they have plays- or a story within a story- which illustrate certain themes or emotions of the characters within said film : blackswan, children of paradise, highschool musical, Rushmore, book of Henry, welcome to marwen, never ending story, romancing the stone, wet hot American summer, etc).The play is Konstantin's latest attempt at creating a dense symbolist work. There is also alot of love triangles in the seagull. TW!: for se#ual ab*se/su*cidal thoughts/ inc*st (here and in other play segments). The seagull motif reminds me a lot of Jonathan's rabbit story.Konstantin romantically into Nina shows up to give her a gull that he has shot. Nina is confused and horrified . Trigorin sees the gull that Konstantin has shot and muses to Nina on how he could use it as a subject for a short story: "The plot for the short story: a young girl lives all her life on the shore of a lake. She loves the lake, like a gull, and she's happy and free, like a gull. But a man arrives by chance, and when he sees her, he destroys her, out of sheer boredom. Like this gull."  This immediately reminded me of jon's rabbit story and some of the movies on the s4 list . Like in forrest gump- Jenny (who is poor) was se*ually ab*sed as a very young girl by her father. As a child she runs away into a field-away from her alcoholic father yelling at her -there she prays that she can "be a bird so I can fly far far away" .

Jenny as an adult struggles with this unresolved trauma- being with ab*sive partners, doing dr*gs, and having su*cidal thoughts . She as an adult when contemplating su*icide, jokes 'you think i can fly like a bird ?' while looking down at a bridge.God-i'm worried about jonathan (Jenny was also a musician sort of like jon). In another s4 movie example ' mystic river ' :(in the 80s) a preteen baseball playing boy is r*ped by men in the woods. He later says he wishes he could become an undead monster to not feel the pain of that experience - cause quote " if I'm not human anymore maybe the pain will stop" (Will) . slightly off topic but he also has another personality, imagines a alternate word that dissappears when he turns his head. And as a less direct animal parallel to the play - the boy from the film also imagined his perpetrators as monsters and wolves to cope.In 'getout' the photographer character sees a dead deer in the woods and it represents a parent/his own childhood tra*ma relating to his past. similarly in 'prince of tides' the 2 siblings as kids were ra*ed by men. The older brother remembered it and the younger sibling developed DID (so didn't remember but she would draw wolves- as the perpetrators/villains in her picture stories she created . In the film they also had an ab*sive dad and were very poor. She also tried k*ling herself multiple times-but started to get better after remembering the source of her pain and trauma.  There is also the theme of multiple attempted su*cides in the play- and the play ends with yet another attempt- and the audience is left unaware of the artist's fate at the end of the play.

The tempest (Shakespeare)

Prospereo - (the perceived antagonist) is a wizard with monstrous looks, storm powers , and ability to create monster-dogs

He wants revenge on a man who tried ra*ing his family member & revenge on his other family member who wronged him years ago. I mean... pretty much my did theory.But in the end.Prospero decides to show his enemies the mercy that they did not show him twelve years earlier. He tells Ariel to bring the men to him, he will restore their sanity and then renounce magic forever.Prospero breaks the spell that the men are under .

Diary of a scoundrel (Alexander Ostrovsky-Russian)

-  I suppose this could loosely relate to Jonathan? Glumov, is a young man from an impoverished family lacking status seeking entrance into society's pampered class. A 19th-century Russian scoundrel must scheme his way out of his meager life in a small apartment -whatever it takes.He has a quick mind and some talent for seeing through the hypocrisies of people around him ( Jonathan does make a lot of social critiques about society). That gives him some advantages. A tale of one man's mission to finagle his way into upper-class society and find a cushy job. Set in 1874, this social comedy follows Glumov, a Russian youth who begins his ambitious ascent to social esteem. He progresses by wit, guile and rhetoric. Pitting one stupid person against another, he soon gains his ends. To reach these goals, Glumov will lie, flatter, and cater to the vanities of the wealthy. Unable to contain his disgust with his victims, Glumov decides to relieve his unvoiced satirical comments by recording his schemes in a diary. But he is tripped up by his uncle's wife, to whom he has made passionate love on his way to success. At the end of the play, his diary is stolen and his duplicity exposed, but he can nevertheless suceeds. The author is much more critical about the high society itself than about the main character, so the play keeps attracting generations of directors by opening possibilities for political criticism while also avoiding naming names of the current rulers.The play's aim was to overthrow bourgeois tradition and establish a class-conscious art called eccentricism giving a deliberately comic portrayal of reality.

I suppose I notice some possible commonalities-  besides s3 critiquing the wealthy/capitalism in comedic ways . jonathan since s1 has worried about his family's finances / had some resentment toward the rich . In some of the s4 movies ‘orphan’ & ‘ girl interrupted’ someone reads their diary out loud to get at them (in girl interrupted the winona character’s diary even had critiques of her new friends).  Alot of movies also have someone (usually a teen/young adult) making a documentary about their life -which could narratively replace said diary? A few movies have a poor guy adjusting to snobby rich social circles (or being poor and then getting money)- titanic, kingsmen, karate kid, the craft , godfather,  wardogs,into the spiderverse,flashdance, and many others . And movies like wardogs has a poor-young-character do shady things to finacially support his family . There’s also that whole uncle’s wife thing- which makes me uncomfortable for obvious reasons (but I’m just thinking of Lonnie’s creepy gf who was into him). A few movies had the guy’s step mom innappropriately hit on him- orange county & you got mail. And him trying to avoid her advances. Or...not to mention ... it may be a problematic coincidence /trope. But in enter the void -the guy who needs to finacially support his sibling/ does dr*gs -hooks up with his dr*g dealing friend’s married mom (who would give him money).  Or in gilbert grape- the poor teen-who has to finacially support his siblings/single mom-has his endgame relationship be a girl his own age. But before that he h*oked up with a married woman -who would give him money. Don’s plum -young film guy-propositioned by older female film director (for dream job). Not even mentioning the other films that have the guy hooking up with toxic older women (like ‘the graduate’). Or analyze this-where the therapist accuses him of having an Oedipus complex (not touching that one... but the guy in ‘enter the void’ a 100% had one). It’s possible those movies were just- inspo for s3?  A coincidence? Or s3 was foreshadowing for this in s4- but unlike s3 it will accurately be played as wrong  and a sign of Jonathan recreating past tra*ma caused by Lonnie (cough like the photos) /being desperate for money. And not played ‘comedically’ like how it mostly was in s3. But shown as self destructive  (for Jon) and immoral on the Woman’s end. Like... Billy and Jon are character foils. Both are older siblings into rock music, with ab*sive dads who shoved them into walls. Both lose it (and beat steve to a pulp when Steve accidentally triggers their daddy issues). In s3 it’s established womanizer Billy has mommy issues, than he tries ho*king up with someone his mom’s age, and the characters ref ‘back to the future ‘ and Steve incorrectly says it’s about “alex p keaton trying to bang his mom.” This could illustrate his subconscious issues with parental figures/adults cause of Lonnie’s  possible past se*ual ab*se . One film the friend even says to the guy “you don’t have friends!” guy b: i have friends! him:  no you have acquaintances! ADMIT IT! YOU’RE AFRAID OF MEN!I mean-Jonathan liked Nancy- but he initially hooked up with her cause he wanted to prove he didn’t have ‘trust issues’ from his dad. Also it’s prob a bit of a reach (and maybe a coincidence)- but the fact Murray in the same breath compares Steve (Nancy’s then bf) and Lonnie  ... uh... if you think too long about it ... it’s very sinister .  Especially because in s3: muray tells Joyce  that despite her wanting to be with a nice guy, she’s curious about “the brute” Hopper despite him reminding her of a past “bad relationship”(aka Lonnie). Like- yeah connect some dots.  Quite a few films (other than forrest gump) also have the character who (as a kid) was  r*ped by their dad/parent-  begin to do dr*gs/be pr*miscuous as adults since they never learned to properly cope with their trauma (’girl with the dragon tattoo’,  ‘black swan’, and ‘magnolia’). Unfortunately the whole relative doing such things to kid-relatives is in at least 30+ movies. 

Personally, i would be MUCH happier if Jon had a age appropriate romance- and had not a single creepy adult near him. A few movies actually imply Lonnie gets yet another ‘new model’  replacing his gf in her 20s with a new gf- who is ‘barely l*gal” and just turned 18. so there’s that possibility as well- that she’s jonathan’s age.I just want Jonathan-happy &safe. GOD. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

#byler #byeler #will byers #mike wheeler #Jonathan byers #nancy wheeler #joyce byers #jim hopper #murray bauman #stranger things #el hopper #s4 theory #stranger things theory

[missroserose]

Fic Writer Question Meme!

Thanks for the tag, @venhedish—I love stuff like this! I'd apologize in advance for how long this is likely to be, but I suspect we share that tendency, haha.

How many works do you have on AO3?

20 total. I've been publishing there since late 2018, so about three years now. That sounds right for me—I'm way too perfectionist to ever be prolific.

What's your total AO3 word count?

125,744! Apparently it takes me three years to write a novel's worth of words I feel are worth publishing...which also sounds right.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Three, primarily: The Lost Boys, Stranger Things, and Supernatural. Mostly Stranger Things, since I was pretty enmeshed in the Harringrove community for about a year and a half, though these days I'm hanging out more with the SPN crowd. We'll see if that translates to more fics.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1.) Sunflower (524) 2.) Quickly, look away (506) 3.) We'll Become Who We Meant To Be (383) 4.) Too Young To Fall In Love (333) 5.) When the Waters Start to Cross (283)

First, what's not surprising: all are Stranger Things/Harringrove works. I'm a little surprised to see that "Sunflower" had edged out "Quickly" as my most-kudosed story, for years it was the other way around—but maybe that's actually not that surprising—part of the reason I haven't been as active in the fandom is that I really love the darker and more complex renditions of Billy Hargrove's character (a la "Quickly") and since S3 aired it seems like the fashion has moved more towards more lighthearted fluff (a la "Sunflower"). Still, both are pretty undemanding smut, so it makes sense that they're on top; similarly, I'm not surprised to see "Too Young To Fall In Love" in the top five either.

I am a little surprised that "We'll Become Who We Meant To Be" is #3—it's honestly close to genfic, there's only the tiniest moment of hinted-at attraction in there. I'm not mad about it, I honestly feel like it's one of my better efforts; on the other hand, "Wake Me Up" was in a similar vein and it's close to the bottom. I guess there's just no telling what's going to catch on...in fairness, a 25K outsider POV novella is a much bigger ask than a 3K short story.

Honestly, I'm probably most surprised at "When the Waters Start to Cross" cracking the top five—it's a 52K+ WIP and a profoundly complex atmospheric existential horror/romance, which is, like, five strikes against it. I'm not mad about it, though—I love that fic, even if it is a huge time and energy suck, and it definitely contains some of my best writing.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! Sometimes it takes me a while, but I genuinely appreciate people taking the time to leave feedback (even if it's just a string of emoji!). And every once in a while I'll get really thoughtful or incisive comments that spark whole conversations—that's one of the best reasons to write fic!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm...to be honest, nothing immediately comes to mind; I love angst but tend to want it to serve a purpose, i.e. it gets a character closer to who they want to be. So most of my endings are at least hopeful. *checks list* It looks like probably my angstiest ending is also my first fic posted, "Blue Masquerade". Poor Michael.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've written?

I don't currently write crossovers; I wouldn't rule it out, but frankly I haven't come across an idea that appeals to me. Waaaaaay back in the mists of time I had a Daria/Harry Potter crossover that I was actually pretty proud of, but I got about as far as getting them to Hogwarts and then kinda ran out of ideas, so I never posted it.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not that I can think of? I'm not big-time enough to get hate, haha. Worst I ever got was some rando asking for top or bottom tags, which I just ignored, and one person on "We'll Become" who was like "I don't like this pairing but you did a good job", which kinda had me like ??? thanks, I guess? I did get one comment on "Quickly, look away" from someone who felt like it was in a different headspace from the fic I wrote it as a sequel to, but that didn't strike me as hate, it's a perfectly fair observation.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

So first off, yes, and second...I recently came across this great Garth Greenwell quote that really gets at what I'm trying to do when I write smut:

In America in 2019 we are inundated with images of bodies to an absolutely unprecedented degree—images of eroticized bodies, images of sexual bodies; the Internet makes all our fantasies visible, and it trains us in new fantasies. And yet it also seems to me that our culture suffers from a dearth of representations of embodiedness, by which I mean of bodies imbued with consciousness. I’m not at all antiporn, but sometimes pornography (maybe especially Internet pornography, with its arms race of extremity) seems to want to evacuate bodies of personhood, to present them as objects. I think literature is the best technology we have for representing consciousness, and so I think there’s a kind of intervention that literature can perform in representing sex explicitly: it can reclaim the sexual body as a site of consciousness.

"Embodied porn" is probably the best description I can come up with—I love writing sex precisely because it's such a charged form of communication (Greenwell's words again), because there are things a character can do and say in that context that they never would normally. Like, sex acts are great and all, but what really does it for me is what's going on in their head, what's the history that brought the character to this point, how're they handling the inherent vulnerability and intimacy of this incredibly risky but potentially rewarding moment. Kink (whether through roleplaying, props, costumes, or whatever) is really just another way of adding to that personal meaning, since without the characters' reactions any trappings are meaningless.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, although I'd love to work with a translator someday (whether with fic or another context)—I'm fascinated by the inherent puzzles in translating between languages, especially with informal speech and its many idioms and cultural references.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet! I'd be open to the idea, but it definitely has to be with the right person...

What's your all time favorite ship?

Isn't that basically like asking a mom to choose her favorite kid? Seriously, I like different things about all of them...which one's getting the most attention depends entirely on mood and headspace and other effectively random variables.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I don't have any I've given up on entirely, yet. Even Waters, as beastly complicated as it is, I've been ruminating on and adding to and arranging in my head lately...

What are your writing strengths?

Atmosphere, character, dialogue. I've said it before, I'm a capital-R Romantic at heart: I love writing settings that reflect and reinforce a character's headspace—while also implying what said character might be missing in their viewpoint.

Something I've noticed—my husband worked for years as a penetration tester, which meant he would regularly have to talk his way past people on a moment's notice. So, unsurprisingly, we both notice people, but he tends to observe their presentation (clothing, accessories, especially ones that're markers of social class and group belonging that allow him to tailor his approach), whereas I notice what they say and how they say it—and, often, what they don't say.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I suddenly feel like I'm in a job interview, haha. Perfectionism is a big one—I have a tendency to feel hopeless and quit if something's taking too long, rather than persisting until I get it sorted, even though some of my best work is stuff where I persisted. Also, I'm big on emotional intensity—which isn't a bad thing, necessarily, but I sometimes read back over my stuff and I'm like "geez, Ambrosia, ease up a bit"...I could definitely use some comic relief in my writing sometimes, but I think I'm often too insecure to try it.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't have any in particular—I rarely do it myself, because I don't trust myself to do it properly. (Perfectionism again!)

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Daria, way back in the day. My work is still up on FF.net...sometimes I wonder if anyone's ever going to dig it up and confront me with it, haha. (I doubt anyone will ever care that much...I guess I'm more just curious if my style from twenty years ago is recognizably me.)

What's your favorite fic you've written?

If we're talking about finished fics, probably either "Wake Me Up" or "Young At Heart"—they're both pretty oddball, but both required a fuckton of work and both came out pretty close to what I wanted. But "Waters" is my biggest baby...maybe I'll open up Act III to work on today...

Thanks again for the tag, Ven! I'm going to tag @ihni, @redmyeyes, @twobrokenwyngs, @skybound2, @sambrosia, @shewritesdirty, @introvertia, @coffeeandchemicals, and @anarchist-billy—if you're up for some rumination, I'd love to hear your thoughts on your writing!

#author stuff #my writing #fanfic culture #about me #tag games

[orsuliya]

Song Huaien is a good boy!

Book spoilers did me dirty. That’s a fact. Ever since I peeked at the last chapters of the novel, I’ve been convinced that Song Huaien was going to go rogue sooner or later. And so I looked upon him as one does upon a ticking bomb, watching him closely for any signs of rot and obvious mwahahahaing.

And that… might have been wrong of me. It’s not like The Rebel Princess ever treated any character’s novel journey as sacrosanct (see: Su Jin’er, Wanru, even Zitan). So what gives? Well, just look at the ever-precious Liu Duanduan. Wouldn’t you want to steel your heart in advance…?

And then the supremely astute @dangermousie came along and made me reconsider what could be done in the scant remaining number of episodes in order to deliver a satisfying ending. I trust The Rebel Princess, so it will be a satisfying ending, 12 cut episodes notwithstanding, and I’m choosing to ignore any contrary opinions! So what could be done? Well, getting rid of Song Huaien’s rebellion and conflict with Xiao Qi seems to be one of the most viable solutions, whether by design or by leaving it on the cutting-room floor. Okay, I’m sold, I thought at once, jumping without thinking as I’m wont to do. But does the drama itself support that?

Why, yes, I believe it does!

What are the actual visible signs of Song Huaien’s potential villainy? There’s the corruption/negligence thing, a pronounced liking for finer things in life and an unrequited love for Awu. That’s it.

The corruption scandal, if it can even be called such, what with Potato suppressing any further investigation attempts, is the biggest strike against Song Huaien. It’s clear that he’s somehow embroiled into unsavoury dealings, but the extent of his guilt is never shown. While I don’t fully believe his story about the birthday gifts being delivered during his absence and accepted without his express permission and/or knowledge, there is also nothing to suggest he’s been explicitly on Xie payroll, secret documents non-withstanding. The record book alone is no proof of guilt – why, the Xie might have simply noted that gifts of certain value had been given and received, not in exchange for a specific service, but rather as a start of a beautiful relationship. You get the drill. I believe if there was a solid proof of Song Huaien doing explicit harm to his own in exchange for Xie money, Xiao Qi’s reaction would have been much harsher.

As it stands, Song Huaien’s guilt is a matter of conjecture. There’s the birthday gift, which Xiao Qi cottons onto really quickly, which confirms that it may have been noted in the Xie secret books. There’s the fact that he may or may not have known about it and may or may not have chosen to keep it. I’d say he did know, if only after the fact, and that he originally meant to keep it. There’s also the damning fact that Song Huaien was the man taking care of logistics from the Ningshuo side. And he did his job really poorly, since multiple deliveries of substandard grain and clothing somehow made it through. But was it out of maliciousness? Was there ever a conscious decision on his part to let things slip? Not necessarily. It looks bad, sure. But let’s not forget that dealing with the capital sharks may be a first for Song Huaien, regardless of his previous experience as a procurement officer. Whatever his experience, it was either at the very end of the supply chain or it was mainly related to supplies coming from the area closest to Ningshuo. The former wouldn’t have prepared him for his present duties. And as for the latter, I think that the Ningshuo province has its own rules and ways, which are in no way comparable to the shark pond that the capital undoubtedly is. What’s more, Huaien really seems to buy into the illustrious capital life; it would not surprise me if he delegated a few things that should not be delegated simply because he was busy taking it all in!

So, intentional crime or crime of negligence? I’d be inclined to vote for negligence. It just fits what we know about Song Huaien up to that point, it fits his current circumstances and it makes Xiao Qi’s reaction quite reasonable.

The second strike against Huaien’s integrity is his love for the finer things in life. But then, is it really such a damning thing? Many of the Ningshuo soldiers must have experienced the same thing upon their arrival into the capital. Here they are, heroes and patriots all, having spent their whole life either on various battlefields or in decidedly non-luxurious circumstances. Why, they must be quite happy if they get enough to eat, which they do only because they have an honest general who cares about them very much. Other armies are not as lucky! And then they are shown all those useless noble scions, some of whom might nominally be officers despite barely knowing how to hold a sword (and even those swords would be ceremonial ones, so mostly useless). I don’t know about you, but I’d be bitter. Some of Xiao Qi’s closest clearly are, although he tends to shut that down very quickly. Also, covetousness is not a crime as long as Song Huaien is not actively taking bribes or jockeying for profit. And there is no proof of that. His manor and his title are both given to him without him ever asking for them. If he appreciates that… well, that is also not a crime and he doesn’t even gloat openly! As it later turns out, he took both as his due, believing that his talents were seen and duly appreciated outside the Ningshuo army.

Sooo… Nothing out of ordinary on that count. And seeing that at one point Song Huaien offers to use his savings to repair the ailing military budget – whether from guilt or from sense of duty – speaks to his advantage.

Now, let’s take a look at his unrequited love for Awu. I mean, is it any wonder he falls for her? I am half in love with her myself, so I totally get it! What matters is what he does with this love. Quite surprisingly, there is no attempt at coming between her and Xiao Qi. Why, Song Huaien actively tries to help their marriage by convincing Awu to return home from the temple. No hesitation there! And while he might realize he’s actually in love very late in the story (by this point it’s obvious to everybody), the realization itself changes very little. He gets very determined to go through with marrying Yuxiu, that’s it. Still no attempts to make a move on Awu. Even that flower he brought back from the Imperial Mausoleum was not an overly romantic gesture – she asked and he did as she asked in order to make her happy, nothing more. There’s also a genuine attempt to get over her. He goes to Yuxiu on their wedding night and despite the initial haziness on the matter, he seems to know quite well she’s not Awu and does his best. Although that bro slap in the morning… Let’s believe he did his best there too, the poor awkward thing. He gives her an actual hug when he comes back from Jiangnan! Progress!

What finally buried the theory that Song Huaien might rebel in order to take Awu away from Xiao Qi was his convo with Wang Su in episode 55. I was so afraid (just as I was afraid on his wedding night) that he might do something stupid. Like asking for Awu’s hand or betraying his romantic intentions towards her. But no. While Song Huaien tells Wang Su that he wants/needs to find Awu, there’s no romantic intent there, only duty towards Xiao Qi’s wife and respect towards a woman who has earned it many times over. If there is anything else, I just can’t see it! Why, during this whole conversation Song Huaien is more broken up about Xiao Qi than about Awu!

Whether Song Huaien manages to get over his love or not, there is no sign he was ever going to do anything about it, not while Xiao Qi lived and perhaps not even now that he’s supposed to be dead. Moreover, he made every possible effort to suppress his emotions out of sheer guilt and feeling of brotherhood towards Xiao Qi. Marrying Yuxiu might have been a bad, bad choice (although I still hope for the best), but it was a choice made for the best of reasons.

So that’s it, right? Well, wrong. Even with all of the above there was still a possibility for him to go the villain route. Except… he actually seems to be redeeming himself in leaps and bounds. Once away from the capital, Song Huaien seems to throw off the capital’s thrall and becomes the best version of himself. Jumping into stormy waters in clear disregard of any danger? Working tirelessly towards a common goal and for the good of the people? That’s pure Ningshuo stock, no moral rot in sight! Now, why would the narrative have him getting back to his old self only to make him regress again?

There’s also no real reason for him to ever go against Xiao Qi. If that was going to happen, I’d have expected at least some signs of bitterness and jealousy to have shown up by now. And yet there’s nothing, at least not towards Xiao Qi. Who, might I add, really does his best to mitigate any potential bitterness in the bud. Just look at the way they resolve the corruption scandal! And I’m not talking about Xiao Qi burning (or not burning?) the incriminating page. What got my attention is what their conversations over the matter boil to. Which is: Listen, brother, I get that you’ve been having some issues, but get your shit together. And please, take care of yourself. I don’t want you to get in trouble, so please remember that there are people watching your every step. No overt accusations, no anger in sight, maybe the slightest bit of sternness, but heavily undercut with roughly expressed care. And it’s the same with their confrontation over Awu. I know what’s going on with you and my wife, but I 100% get it, mate, so take a moment and decide how to proceed from here. Even if Song Huaien was actively seeking a reason to hold a grudge, it would take a truly rotten seed to find one. And a rotten seed Song Huaien is not.

Now, let’s wrap it up by going over Wang Su’s suborning of Song Huaien in episode 55. It’s really something special, as well as the main reason I’m choosing to reject any possibility of SHE/XQ showdown.

Wang Su waylays Song Huaien on his way out of camp. Song Huaien is clearly very emotional at this moment and not really inclined to stop for anybody. Why, I think that he was fully prepared to go through Wang Su if needed. It is also quite probable that his decision to leave for the capital was made on the spot, once he heard about what happened to Xiao Qi, Awu and his comrades. Yet he stops and listens, if only because Wang Su – Awu’s brother and Xiao Qi’s brother-in-law - should be his natural ally in his quest to clear Xiao Qi’s name. As he proclaims to be by announcing his willingness to join Song Huaien on his journey to the capital.

Wang Su (or rather Daddy Wang possessing Wang Su’s body) takes full advantage of Song Huaien’s state. First he breaks out a prop, Awu’s favourite wine. It does not work as well as it could have and I’d say that at this point Song Huaien remains quite astute as to Wang Su’s weird behaviour. His first outburst shows he’s got little patience for games. Awu is your sister and Xiao Qi your brother in law, he reminds Wang Su, who seems very controlled for a man with much more obvious ties to this whole situation than Song Huaien. Wang Su skips around the issue by taking out his ace card, the Empress Dowager’s order. Predictably, it takes Song Huaien off-balance and incites a sense of debt, if not gratitude. An excellent opening from the shapeshifting Daddy Wang! Then Wang Su makes an attempt at aiming Song Huaien at the Empress Dowager… and it doesn’t work. Song Huaien doesn’t care about his own life half as much as he cares about Xiao Qi. Cue a mournful soliloquy! There is no way a man this broken about his brother’s death is going to try to kill said brother in the 13 episodes remaining (less, in fact, since they will not meet until 59 or 60 at the earliest). There would be no build-up! The only way I can see this happening is if Xiao Qi went against Song Huaien first and in a deeply personal way. Which we know he would never, so...

Wang Su makes a brave attempt at corralling Song Huaien’s grief and turning it to anger, for all that he may say that anger will not help anyone; it doesn’t work and self-blame enters the picture. If only I was with him leads to a startling realization: all those honors and the brand new posting were just a ploy. Now, this realization could lead to two different results. Song Huaien could plausibly become bitter towards Xiao Qi –  because of whose very existence his own talents weren’t truly recognized and he himself became a pawn. But there’s nothing to suggest that’s true. It’s more likely for Song Huaien to turn his bitterness over his wounded pride towards the Empress Dowager in particular and scheming nobles in general. Which is what I think he does. There is also a possibility of guilt: he bought into this whole noble life fairytale… and this is what partially facilitated him being turned into a pawn. It may be just wishful thinking, but I expect that in the future Song Huaien will be more wary of unexpected meat pies falling from the sky, however tasty they may be.

Just a moment later Wang Su offers him a meat pie. He’s going to help him take revenge! And Song Huaien swallows it whole – at least for now. This is where a truly interesting thing happens. Song Huaien, a general in his own right, a true hero and a man who’s been acting as Wang Su’s equal while in Jiangnan… folds and takes to a subordinate position like a duck to the water. Tell me what to do, he seems to be screaming with his eyes. And when Wang Su starts to use the word we, there’s a palpable sense of relief in Song Huaien’s whole demeanor. What’s more, he’s not reacting to the idea that he still needs to jump through some hoops in order to become a Wang minion. I’m not sure you’re ready to become my ally, lies Wang Su, knowing very well Song Huaien’s is already in his palm. Where’s the ambition? Where’s the slightest sign that this man may be capable of going for the throne for his own sake and against his brother? I don’t see it!

The Wang family is used to needing to pay their allies in hard coin (or titles, or favours), that much is clear, because that’s what Wang Su tries next. The title of a count is too lowly, he says and then dangles a princely one in front of his victim. If Song Huaien was really as hungry for honours and wealth as some of us were expecting him to be, he’d be all over that. But he’s not. He gives it due consideration, but, if anything, this proposition seems to bring him back to reality. There are no free meat pies to be had and he’s just remembered that. But since this is the best – and likely the only – proposition/offer of help he’s going to get, he seals the deal anyway.

There’s still some reluctance, though. Why, Song Huaien needs to rationalize this decision by reminding himself that Wang Su saved his life and that there’s revenge to be taken since he’s alive (as Xiao Qi is not). Not very eager to take part in a coup, is he? And then he actually makes getting justice for Xiao Qi a condition of this alliance! Finding Awu is the second one, but as I’ve already said, there seems to be no romantic intentions there.

And that’s it, the deal is done. So now, can anybody tell me how is this Song Huaien supposed to go against Xiao Qi? He’s more likely to go for a hug once he sees him alive!

There is no reasonable way to leave in Song Huaien’s conflict with Xiao Qi. There’s just no time and no real build-up to that! The only way to have him go rogue is to have a timeskip with Song Huaien doing a 180 in the meantime. And somehow I just can’t see it happening. But I guess we’ll have to see about that!

#SONG HUAIEN IS A GOOD BOY #it's not just because his hair looks nice I swear #I'm not that shallow or am I #the rebel princess #monarch industry #rebel princess meta #this is kinda long

[misterbitches]

hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.

i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak​ 

i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they’re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho

i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?

and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough. 

i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!

HOWMEVERRRR 

boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls. 

i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated. 

i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!

it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences.  especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)

to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.

i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks. 

it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well. 

i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;) 

or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone

[fatalism-and-villainy]

Nobody asked for a Qi Ye reaction post but here one is nonetheless (at almost 1500 words.... hello.)

[~spoilers~]

One of the first things I can say is that I love love LOVE Priest’s writing style. It’s hard to say how much of this is a translation thing, because I did get the vibe that this translation was a lot smoother and better than the other cnovel translations I happen to have read. But god!! Her style is very densely allusive, and a challenge to follow at times, but so so beautiful. The story’s narration also shifts perspective a lot in the middle of chapters, which gives it this almost cinematic bird’s eye effect for me (except with internal-emotional states more than visuals). I can see it being the kind of thing that might bother people, but I love it – and I think that it ties in with the themes about the ephemerality and impermanence of life, and the way these little moments are all part of a much bigger sphere of existence.

I also like the way she does humour more than MXTX, honestly? I find the slapstick humour in MXTX’s works to be overdone and distracting from the other story and characterization work going on in her works. Whereas here, the humour landed more and also felt like it tied in more with the actual development of character and themes. Like, for instance, Liang Jiuxiao’s battle with the sable wherein he gets scratched every time and exhausts Beiyuan’s entire supply of antidote – it’s over the top, but also genuinely funny to me, AND I feel the comedic setup of Liang Jiuxiao constantly being an unwanted visitor contrasts very well with the entire heartbreaking scenario involving Beiyuan drugging him for Zhou Zishu, as well as his general progression from a Pure of Heart, Dumb of Ass archetype to being completely shattered by the evil and corruption in the world.

(The Sex and Kissing stuff is also, imo, more sensual and generally hotter to me than MXTX’s stuff – not trying to pick on her specifically, she’s just my only point of comparison for these novels.)

The main romance is ehhh… Mixed Feelings? I loved Wu Xi in all the parts he wasn’t playing the role of “love interest who expresses their love via violent jealousy”, but the parts where he WAS…. woof. Like, I don’t necessarily mind jealousy when it’s internal sensations, or when it’s a very intentionally fucked up dynamic, but I like it less so when it’s couple who’s riding off into the sunset and are the only foil to the general aura of melancholy and sadness in a story? Really hope that’s a one-off specific piece of characterization and not a general Thing for Priest…

I did actually like the gradual development of Beiyuan’s feelings, and the way there’s no Big Moment of Realization – or rather, there is a moment of realization, but it’s not super dramatic, it’s just sort of settling into something that’s been there awhile.

Another problem with their relationship for me though, I think, is how rushed the denouement of the book is, and how many important things are glossed over. Like, okay, they’re riding off into the sunset, but are they actually going to talk about the fact that Beiyuan seduced Wu Xi for Deception Purposes and then drugged him…? Taking advantage of Wu Xi’s very earnest and intense feelings in the process? Like, they stay in the capital for three months of negotiations before they leave, all while Wu Xi hides Beiyuan in his house – there must have been conversations and Relationship Negotiations? And yet we don’t See any of that, we’re just treated to them riding off in a carriage with some cheeky little line about how Beiyuan has the rest of his life to make things up to Wu Xi (presumably by having rough sex)… like ok.

The racism… there was a lot of it in the presentation of Nanjiang! I think the thing that stood out to me though was the line about Wu Xi’s having a kind of intuitive understanding of how people are (an intuition attributed to children, even!) despite not being cultured – it slots so perfectly into the kind of colonial propaganda that posits colonized people as having this innate, intuitive understanding of the world or connection with nature or what have you – but of course they’re not mature, they’re not cultured, they don’t have the capacity for rationality, that we do. To be fair, the line I’m thinking of is also applied to Liang Jiuxiao, but it is of a piece with how Nanjiang is characterized throughout the novel – like, oh, they’re so simple! When they like someone they just get married! It’s presented as a romantic ideal, but in a way that portrays Nanjiang as being Simple and Rustic and lacking the cultural complexity of the Great Qing. (Especially since we b a r e l y see the country or its people on the page.)

(Not to mention the way Wu Xi’s bodyguards from Nanjiang are portrayed as being confused and grossed out by him being in love with a man – contrasted with the commentary about how commonplace sex between men is in the Great Qing. Feels very like Nanjiang gets cast as less “enlightened”?)

I think those elements are also part of why the romance doesn’t fully stick its landing for me – because Wu Xi does take in and consider Great Qing cultural stuff, and incorporate it into his worldview alongside the influence of his home culture – and we don’t see Beiyuan doing something similar in return. He wants to leave for Nanjiang in part because he’s exhausted with capital politics and wants freedom, but why Nanjiang specifically? What does the country mean to him? How’s he actually going to fit in there? (This is another thing that also could have been filled in more with more actual writing about what goes down after that final battle.)

I honestly was deeply moved by Helian Yi. I shed literal tears for that man on multiple occasions. I do feel like I would have benefitted from more actual exploration of his past life-relationship with Beiyuan? Because as it was, I felt like that aspect of Beiyuan’s characterization was kind of informed rather than fleshed out – what did he see in Helian Yi in the first place? And I think the unrequited love would have been more poignant if we’d had more flashbacks to when it was requited.

Also, the possible-incest reveal?? What even was the point of that…? (I know people have posited that that’s why Helian Yi originally had Beiyuan killed, but with that final deleted-on-JJWXC extra I feel like it’s meant to be that he thought Beiyuan was responsible for Su Qingluan’s death. Another thing that should have been elaborated on, plot-wise…)

In general, the ending was very rushed. It gave me distinct “project due the next day” vibes.

ZHOU ZISHU!!!! – my main emotional engagement with this, tbh. I loved what was done with him, loved getting to see more of the atrocities he was behind (haha), loved the chilling “ends justify the means” ideological track he was on, loved how enmeshed he was in Hierarchy and political intrigue and how Carefully he handled himself around his social superiors… yeah.  

I am also…. Also losing my mind over the entire Vibe between Zhou Zishu and Liang Jiuxiao. Misplaced devotion… broken pedestals… weird subtextual hard-to-define Feelings... selfishly wanting to hide the worst parts of yourself from someone…. Ahhhhh it’s good. Love those intricate complex homoerotic friendships. If there Exists any fic (whether platonic or less so) that anyone wants to rec… pls do 👀

I have to say, another problem I had with the ending was that I don’t think the tonal dissonance was well-balanced. Like, there’s a very melancholy atmosphere for pretty much everyone except the main couple, and I do understand that their getting away from the capital is the only thing that engenders that happiness (as a big theme of the book is that the politicking in the capital is exhausting and demoralizing – and to my understanding that is similar to the themes at work in Faraway Wanderers.) But I don’t feel as though those two streams were working in communication with each other in the final chapters – I would say that the cutesy scenes with the main couple just felt jarring in contrast to the sadness and regret that permeated the rest of the narrative. I think perhaps they were too saccharine, rather than emphasizing escape and looking forward to different possibilities? I’m not sure. (It also seems questionable to present Nanjiang as an Escape, given that Wu Xi is in charge now?? They’re still right in the thick of politics?) Anyway, this all is why I like the placement of that final extra at the end of the narrative, because it Is a turning back to melancholia that I like to see during nominal happy endings.

#qi ye talk #fandom natterings #book blogging

[path-of-fire]

Okay, so, I found your game on the CoG forums and played the demo (loved it by the way!) So I came here to immediately follow you and try learning as much as I can about this thing from the post's.... But there are about a billion and I have a terrible attention span! So in the interest of staying in the loop, I was wondering if you could do a quick crash course on it? Important character's, RO's, and this dragon thing I'm hearing about? I just love this story! Thanks in advance if you do this!

Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m honored that you like Path of Fire, it truly warms my heart to hear that. And I would be honored to help you with getting caught back up :)

Important Characters [I will leave out the ROs, because they will be explained in their area]: 

Eamon- Eamon is the first person that you meet in the demo, and he is also the only other survivor of the massacre. Eamon is considered your guardian throughout the series, and to some MCs he can become your father. Of course, that all depends on how you interact with him. [I don’t know if I’ve ever told you guys what Eamon looks like, but I’ve changed it.] Eamon stands at 6’3” with a muscular build. He has blue-green eyes and dirty blonde hair and beard. All in all he’s very much a papa bear.

Alister- Alister is Aghadi’s nephew and he can become a fairly important part of your story. Though, like with Eamon, it all depends on how you interact with him. Alister is very bubbly with a sunshine disposition on life. You would more than likely see him with a smile on his face than a frown, and his life mission is to make others happy. Alister has beautiful dark blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. He has his uncle’s complexion when in regards to his tan skin. 

Keane- Keane is Aghadi’s younger brother, and Alister’s father. Keane is a very angry person who hates Aghadi with his entire being. He doesn’t have a good relationship with his son, but Keane does love him. Be it in a very peculiar way, but he does love Alister. Part of the reason for Keane’s hatred for Aghadi is because of the loss of his second wife and unborn child. [He still visits their graves with Alister, and always gives them flowers to show that his love for them will always stay fresh. While Alister plays beside the grave, like he could never do with his unborn sibling.] Keane stands at 6’4” and has medium length mahogany colored hair. He also has dark green eyes that are always guarded. 

Daealla- Daealla is Aghadi’s older sister and the person he is closest to in his family. Daealla was sent away at a young age by her father, Merrick, because of reasons that neither her nor Aghadi want to get into. She is a very funny person, but more often than not her humor comes from remarks. [Like if the MC trips or something in front of her she would say something like “I think you missed a step” or “Your life is really going downhill, isn’t it?”] Daealla stands at 5’9'' and has a lithe build. She has glowing violet eyes with gold flecks. Her hair falls down in perfect waves to her shoulder blades the color of golden white. She has full lips and high cheekbones, with a fair complexion.

[All the other important characters you guys haven’t been introduced to yet. So I don’t want to spoil anything.]

Romantic Options:

Loreena- Loreena is the Knight Captain of the Imperial Army. She is a very loyal person and takes her duties very seriously. Loreena is tall at 6’0”, with shoulder length black hair and impassive hazel eyes. She has a tan complexion from all of her time in the sun.

Robin/Robyn- R is my take on Robin Hood with a little twist. R is a very mischievous person but they are also extremely loyal. They hold loyalty among their men at the highest degree. Especially since their men know their secret. Robin is tall at 6’4” with broad shoulders and a chiseled jaw. His golden brown hair is of medium length and is kept in a ponytail. His golden brown eyes sparkle with mirth but a darker entity hides behind his easy smile. While Robyn stands at 5’10” with a more lithe build. Her golden brown hair falls down to her shoulder blades and is kept in a loose braid. Her golden brown eyes are quick to show emotion, but whether or not they’re truly what she feels? That’s for you to find out.

Edmund- Edmund is R’s second in command and the one that keeps everything in order. He is a very guarded individual, only letting the ones he cares for get passed his iron walls. Unlike R, Edmund is not one to trust someone right off the bat. He believes that you earn trust/respect. Edmund stands at 6’2” and has broad shoulders with a bulky build. His brown hair is kept short and his dark green eyes are well guarded. 

Esmé- Esmé is the leader of the Merchant’s Guild. She is a very crafty and charming person, but that doesn’t make her any less forthcoming. She is a very blunt person, but she tries her best to reign that in depending on who she is talking to. Esmé is 5’7” with long, wavy brown hair and steel colored eyes. Her full lips are normally pulled into a smile that usually has everyone else smiling. And because of her heritage Esmé does have wings, which are the color of a barn owls. 

Ayleth- Ayleth is a village mage. She is a very snarky and sarcastic person, who uses her words to deflect people’s attention. However, once you get past her steely exterior you’ll find a golden heart that wants nothing more than to be cherished and loved. Ayleth is 5’5” with long red hair and sparkling brown eyes. She has a fair complexion that seems to glow underneath the sunlight.

Cedric- Cedric is the youngest of all the ROs. However, he is the one that knows the MC the longest. He is the son of the village chief and a hopeful knight. Cedric is a very bashful person but under certain circumstances his bashfulness can be replaced by bravado. Cedric is 6’3” with blonde hair and sparkling green eyes. He is muscular but not as bulky as Edmund is. He has tan skin from all his time training in his yard. 

Caspian- He is the Imperial Spymaster. He was tasked to locate and identify the MC to bring them back to the capital for “execution” [that’s what the MC believes]. Caspian is a very vain and arrogant individual, he is also very secretive. However, as with most secrets, you can’t take them at face value. Caspian is 6’4” with medium length silver hair with pale blue eyes. He has a fairer complexion due to his Snow Elf ancestry. 

Aghadi- Aghadi is the Emperor of Ioria, and he is one of the last ROs you meet. He is a very kind man if not a little guarded. He cares about his people greatly and wants nothing more than the best for them. Aghadi is 6’6” with medium length golden white hair. He has obsidian black eyes with golden flecks throughout. He is a very muscular man from all his time training and exercising, which also has caused him to have tan skin. 

Phenir- Phenir is the God of the Dracaryean, and one of the creators of the universe. He is a very gentle person who always has a smile on his face. He is a tall being [still haven’t figured out his height yet], with sun kissed skin. He has golden-red eyes that shift depending on his mood. With fire colored hair, a mixture of red, yellow and orange. 

Revian- Revian is the Goddess of the Night, and is the other creator of the universe. She is a very stoic person that always keeps her emotions in check. Revian has long, wavy jet black hair and beautiful silver eyes. Revian has a fairer complexion than her brother, Phenir. 

-Note that Revian and Phenir are the Gods of many more things… These are just the main ones. 

Below are some finished art pieces of the ROs (only Caspian and Ayleth so far).

Dragon Thing: 

I actually don’t know what dragon thing you’re talking about. Though I’m going to guess and say you mean the hoarding thing. Which devolves into the fact that the Dracaryean have classic draconic tendencies. Like hoarding for instance… like the large piles of gold [and the like]. This will be explored more in the game, but I think that’s what you mean. 

#important characters #romantic options #i hope this was enough #information

[fantroll-purgatory]

@cheyj05

I’m redoing my old Homestuck oc’s, sorry if he’s bad.

Hey now, I notice that this comment is the beginning of a fair amount of putting your own profile down! We trust that you like Theato because you made him and liked him enough to ask us to help you improve him rather than throw him out altogether, so I’m gonna remove a few of the comments where you’re beating yourself up and proceed as usual, okay?

World: Alternia

Name: Theato Ertaro (I don’t remember how I got this name)

It sounds a little like the word “theater” stretched out to 12 letters, which would make sense given his theming around ballet. Let’s see if we can make him more specific. I like Theato since we can link it back etymologically to all sorts of word roots to mean both spectators and spectacle, which I think works great for someone who idealizes forbidden love.

For the last name, perhaps Elsler, for Fanny Elssler, the ballerina who declined to participate in the famous Grand Pas de Quatre, which featured 4 of the other premiere ballerinas of the era performing on a stage together. I feel that this works on many levels to enhance Theato’s theme: Theato is very much capital-r Romantic himself, the quadrant system makes a pas de quatre more appropriate than a pas de deux to represent romantic woes, Elssler voluntarily bowed out so her exclusion was very much self-inflicted, and the most famous pas de quatre is the pas de cygnets involving the four swans in Swan Lake! Age: 6.92 sweeps (15 years old)

Theme/Story: He’s someone who idealizes “ forbidden love”. He falls in “love” constantly w/ people he knows he can’t have specifically b/e he can’t have them(usually lowbloods and people already in a matespritship and he doesn’t consciously choose people he can’t have). He is in a perpetual state of pining. He’s somewhat based on Swan Lake since that’s, like, the de facto tragic love story. As a result he has somewhat of ballet theme. His hive is next to a lake. His ancestor was probably Troll! Odette or Troll! Romeo or something.

Review Goals: General Overview. His classpect is set in stone though.

Noted! I’ll see what I can retrofit to it then.

Strife Specibus: No clue

Huh. We know that Joey from Hiveswap can use balletkind to kick and dance around her enemies, but I worry about pushing Theato too far into that niche. What about trumpetkind, as a reference to The Trumpet of the Swan? He can whack people with it or even blast ‘em with notes to deafen them! Not to mention it gives a really nice opening for a beatdown song titled “Swan Song.”

Fetch Modus: Also no clue

What about a modus that only accepts items in a “quadrant” with one another? For example, peanut butter (<3 jelly <3< mustard <> sea salt). You cannot captchalogue items by themselves, nor can you remove them without extricating the others in their quadrant.

Blood Color: Cerulean

Lunar Sway: Prospit

Title: Page of Heart

Symbol and Meaning: Scorlo, sign of the devious

Handle: passionateReservoir (also don’t remember where I got this from, it sounds like some innuendo I don’t get)

It doesn’t sound like an innuendo necessarily, but it *does* sound like a nonspecific “I’m a passionate person” handle. What about etoileCroise, both ballet terms but literally translating to “star crossed,” which is how he sees himself?

Quirk: no clue.

Special Abilities: Other than blueblood toughness and super not-getting-mindcontrolled powers, nothing much. He can stand en pointe for longer than 5 seconds which is tough.

Lusus/Guardian: A swan who taught him ballet by aggressively yet gracefully squawking at him and taught him to swim by pushing him in the lake. She’s in the aforementioned lake most of the time and if you try to take her inside she’ll try to peck your eyes out.

Dope. Love her. Huge fan.

Interests: He likes to dance ballet and probably knows how to swim

That tracks! How is he when it comes to media consumption? Since he idealizes forbidden love so much, what novels does he read? What television shows does he watch? Does he have a troll Ao3 account? 

Appearance: His hair is in a wavy short bob most of the time, he only ties it back when he’s practicing. He’s pretty tall and his horns are tilted to the front. He wears a white shirt w/ his symbol on it and a black leotard w/ matching black ballet slippers.

Nice! I’m always here for troll boys with longer hair.

Personality: He’s very overdramatic and chews on the scenery in every word. He’s constantly talking about his latest crush to anyone who’ll listen (and even those who don’t want to). You don’t remember bringing it up yet he’s still talking about them. He’s actually really innocent and nice which makes people less likely to be mad at him b/c they know he’s not trying to railroad the conversation but he still ends up doing it. Basically nice but really self-centered and idealized unhealthy ideas of romance.

So you mentioned that his classpect is set in stone, and I want to expand on what that would mean for his character. We’ve seen that Heart relates both to the self and to romantic woes, and that Pages tend to start their journey by not having a lot of their aspect, while having the potential to grow into someone who can wield it to devastating effect. (Potential being the key word here, since some Pages will never reach this stage.)

So this means that Theato most likely doesn’t have a very stable sense of self when this story begins! He doesn’t have a clear idea of who he is, and pining for others to come sweep him away from his life is likely a manifestation of a desire to have someone else tell him who to be. How do you see that developing over the course of his arc?

Land: Land of Lakes and Emotion

I think it tracks that his land would have lakes, but Emotion is a difficult word to convert to a quest, so how about Land o’ Lakes (haha butter) and Silver, covering the land in places he truly needs to “reflect” on himself to advance?

Anyway that’s about it! Thanks for bringing Theato to us, and I hope my suggestions helped!

-TR

#ceruleanblood #cobaltblood #blueblood #submission #cheyj05 #tr review #theato #ertaro #theato ertaro #theato elsler #elsler

[purplesurveys]

382

-What was the last song that you sang out loud? I played a Destiny’s Child playlist when we were out for a bit earlier so I was most likely rapping along to Bug A Boo before we got home. -If someone has bad breath, do you tell him or her? I don’t think I can. I’d rather just not have my face directly on them when talking. -With which friend are you most likely to share a secret? Angela. She knows e v e r y t h i n g. -Do you have an item that comforts you when you are sad/scared? My...phone? Haha. If I get anxious I need to watch videos to distract me. My phone has YouTube. Also bracelets that Gabie has given me over the years. -When are you likely to hide your emotions? When I’m with people that don’t really know about my anxiety. People I’m not close to, in general.

-Which is scarier: Dying of thirst or of starvation? I think both are equally terrifying??? Both put the body in immense pain and it goes through a slow, agonizing shutdown and I don’t even want to think about experiencing other lol. -Who was the last person to take your breath away? MY GIRLFRIEND -When you turn on the TV, what channel do you flip to? Probably a movie channel but I legit have not watched television in yearssss. I watch everything on Netflix now. -Have you ever tried to help someone quit smoking? No. -What was the last comment someone made on your music taste? I don’t have much of a music taste so it’s not really something people tend to make comments on. -Where do you go/what do you do when you need to calm down? My room. Or to my best friends. -What was the last mess you cleaned up? I had a stack of readings and stationery scattered all over the dining table last night when I was studying, so I cleaned everything up before going to bed. -Have you ever had to talk anyone out of suicide? Yes I had to talk to Toby because he made a series of disturbing tweets a couple of weeks ago. We aren’t close per se, but he’s an orgmate and therefore a friend, so I messaged him immediately. I’m happy it worked, cos he showed up to school the next day and gave me a bear hug. -When you think of tomorrow, what feelings come to mind? Work. -Who, in your opinion, has an amazing voice? Hannah sings a lot, and I really like it when she does because she sounds great. -Would you ever camp out on a beach, under the stars? Of course.

-What is the last thing you complained about? I need a printer to print out my readings (I absolutely cannot study from an e-book) but ours has been broken for years and there’s no Internet/printing shop nearby. UGH I’m serious about complaining over not being able to study haha.   -What was the last curse-word you said? Fuck. -When you fake sick to get out of school, what do you say or do to convince your parents that you are sick? I would never fake sick to my Asian mom.  -How did you recover from your last bout of tears? I slept. As is always the most effective way to stop crying. -Do you still talk to your very first best friend? Yes. I talked to her last night. -When was the last time something went terribly wrong? Well a couple of weeks ago Gab and I had a huge, really serious fight that had just been unfixable–it was the kind of fight that you just had to wait. And the wait was torture. I was really scared then and I stayed in bed for what was probably 48 hours and ate like two times in that period. -How do you console someone when he or she is upset? I stay with them and listen to them if they have to let things out. -Have you ever seen either one of your parents cry? Just my mom. I don’t know what I’d do if I saw my dad cry. -Choose one: Trip to outerspace, or trip underneath the oceans? OUTER SPACE. I’d do anything to have a glimpse into my astronaut dream. -How often do you feel overwhelmed? 7 days a week. -How do you deal with everyday life? Get by. Aren’t we all forced to? -Do you have any secret obsessions or guilty pleasures? I don’t think so. I’m never guilty of whatever it is I’m obsessing at the moment haha. I am into serial killers, like reading and watching docus about them; and obviously I never announce it the world unless it comes up in conversation. -Aside from on this survey, what was the last thing you wrote about? I was writing down notes on my readings from my Southeast Asian history class. -Who in your family do you act like the most? I’m a mix of my mom and dad. I seriously can’t tell you who I act more like. There are certain phrases my mom says that I say, and certain intonations and mannerisms I got from my dad.  -What is the most romantically sweet thing someone has done for you? I’m into intimate, more between-the-two-of-you kind of stuff, so I always appreciate it when Gab volunteers to drive my car if I ever drink a little bit too much for the night. She helps me get to bed and gets me some clothes to wear too, which is always sweet.

-When you go out to the mall, do people stare? Not me, but my girlfriend and I obviously will get stares from time to time for holding hands. -Have you ever been confronted by a mall cop for your behavior? No. -What just tears at your heartstrings? Videos of dogs reuniting with their owners, abused dogs getting saved and all groomed up, or dogs getting adopted. -Is there a show you swear that you will never watch? GAME OF THRONES -What was the last topic that you ranted about? The lack of a printer that I delved on several survey questions ago. -Is there someone that makes you feel like you're walking on eggshells? Jane lol. She’s the president of our org and will easily get pissed the fuck off sometimes, and it never does my anxiety any good. -Were you ever afraid of one of your past teachers? Yes. We had this monster of a PE teacher in 2nd grade who would literally kick down doors if she gets angry and would yell at 8 year olds. How she ever got employed in the first place still baffles me. -Have you ever been in a physical fight on school grounds? That’s a huuuuuge no-no in our school, so no. Plus I came from an all-girls’ Catholic school; it just wasn’t in anyone’s nature to pick a fight. -Have you written anything in a bathroom stall? What, if anything? No, I feel so iffy about vandalizing in public. -Is your school like the drama capital of the country? HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You can say that, damn. -A homeless man asks you for 50 cents; how do you respond? I give them a little more and a snack if I had any. -When was the last time you visited a thrift store? I don’t remember. I don’t think I have? -Was there ever a time when you wished you'd never been born? Always. I didn’t even choose to be born lol. -Can you handle constructive criticism? Uhhhhhh only if it’s from someone I truly respect. Otherwise I can honestly be a big baby about criticism. -Who is the most sensitive person that you know? ME. Also one of my friends, Mils. -Have you ever had a tooth (or teeth) pulled? Nope. -You can have one famous person's wardrobe; who do you choose, and why? Kate’s!!! She dresses so well and looks pretty in all of her outfits. -When was the last time you wrote someone a note? I think December? Aya was down in the dumps pretty bad so I dropped her a short message on Facebook to let her know that I’m always around for her. -Do you tell your parents before you go somewhere, or just leave? I ask permission. Duh. I’m Asian.  -What was the last thing you tried to get out of doing? Agatha’s birthday party. She’s a good friend, but I’m not friends with any of her friends and I just can’t relate with the college block we both belong to. I scheduled a date with Gabie’s dad on the same night because I didn’t want to go to the party. -On average, how many surveys do you fill out in one day? If I had a lot of time, I could fill out three. Nowadays it’s like once a day/a couple of times a week. -How many hours a day do you spend on Bzoink? I don’t stay on Bzoink; I just go on there to look for surveys. -Which season do you dread the most? I hate Philippine summers. -Do you ever brag about your achievements? Oh god never. I hate putting any attention on me. -If someone makes fun of you, are you able to laugh it off? Tbh no, I’m pretty sensitive and serious in that aspect. I mean I’d smile to be polite but will most likely be whispering something evil about them in my head hahahaha. -When was the last time that you watched the sun come up? Three years ago, in Sagada. -What did you do last Halloween? I think I went out with Gab that day, but it wasn’t to celebrate Halloween. -Last Thanksgiving? -Last Christmas - if you celebrate? I like how Christmas has the *if you celebrate* disclaimer but the North American-centric Thanksgiving doesn’t. Anyway, we had several family dinners and we ate and drank and caught up with one another. -How did you celebrate the arrival of the new year? Also saw some relatives and ate and drank and bonded with my cousins. -Is there a foreign culture you'd like to learn more about? I’d like to know more about all of them if I had the time and the chance. -Have you ever (purposely or accidentally) played with someone's heart? I possibly might’ve with Mike but I don’t want to be an ass and assume. -Has anyone ever played with yours? Sure, you can say that. -Have you ever seen a famous painting and thought "I could have done that?” Not famous, but expensive ones. The ones that are paint splatters hah. -Fire drills: Did you ever wish they were real ... just once? LOL YES. I’m terrible for thinking that but yes. Mostly because everyone was such kids about it and never took the drills seriously. I secretly wanted a real one to happen just to see those people regret not being any more serious.

-What is the scariest thing about attending your school? Nothing’s scary about UP. If you’re scared to be in UP you can’t survive in it. -Are you a good judge of other people's intentions? Meh. I can tell sometimes. What was the last thing that you felt strongly about? I’m not so sure, it’s been a while. -Shopping: best with friends, parents, bf/gf, or alone? Girlfriend. -What is one insecurity you have about your body? Teeth. -What is one part of your body that you are proud of? My overall figure. -When was the last time someone told you to turn your music down? Ages ago. I’m getting old myself and don’t want my music too loud lmfao. -When you don't know how to spell a word, do you look it up? Yes, of course. -Are you one to spend a lot of time in the bathroom? Nope. I hate making people wait. -Have you seen the movie Super Size Me? No. -Do you still eat at McDonald's, regardless of that film? I’d probably continue eating at any fast food establishment even if I watch a billion documentaries exposing them, being completely honest. -Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a different race? Sometimes. -Do you ever consider the challenges other races go through? Of course. Except for one snowflake race out there, lol. -When was the last time you doubted your abilities? Now? -At your favorite restaurant, what do you order? I don’t pick favorite restaurants. -What was the last thing you wished for? A DAMN PRINTER. -How many times a day, on average, do you look at the time? Too many. I’m perpetually impatient.

#survey #surveys

[aroworlds]

Aro-Spec Artist Profile: Sebastian

Our next aro-spec creator is Sebastian, better known on Tumblr as @gloriousmonsters and @mangledmouth!

Sebastian is a bisexual, autistic, aromantic trans man who is single-handedly covering many literary bases in producing original aro and queer short stories, novels and poetry. Aside from his Tumblr blogs, you can find and support more of his work at his Patreon. If you have a dollar or two you’re wanting to invest in worthy aro-spec talent on a less-regular basis, please take a look at Sebastian’s Ko-Fi!

With us Sebastian talks about identifying with the role of villainy in narrative as an aro creative, aromantic characters and grand emotional gesture, the divide between representation and self-expression, and some spectacular-sounding work-in-progress book titles! His investment in aromantic characters and characterisation shapes every word, so please let’s give him all our love, encouragement, gratitude, kudos and follows for taking the time to explore what it is to be aromantic and creative.

Can you share with us your story in being aro-spec?

It took me a while to realize I was aromantic, but it was one of the things that made me go ‘oh, that makes … a lot of sense’ when I looked back at my childhood. I was a weird, isolated kid, so I didn’t learn from bouncing off other children; I learned through stories.

One of my strongest early memories is of watching a poorly made Red Riding Hood film over and over again, belting out the lyrics to the (poorly written) villain’s song, called ‘Man Without A Heart’. Cut to a year or so later, watching the Rodgers and Hammerstein Cinderella (still the best Cinderella, IMO), I was utterly fascinated by the villainess singing: ‘Falling in love with love is falling for make-believe…’

I didn’t know, that early, that I didn’t feel romantic love. Not consciously. But there was something utterly, obsessively interesting about villains that sneered at love, who were called heartless, who challenged the narrative that there must always be a love story and it must come out right no matter what. I felt, on a deep level, that these people were like me somehow. The additional queercoding and common side-helping of mental illness helped - or didn’t help, depending on your perspective. I grew up knowing, deep down, what my part in life was: I was the villain.

When I hit my rebellious age, it first came out by my saying, ‘But being a villain doesn’t mean you have to be wrong or unhappy’. I began collecting villains like nobody’s business, and writing stories that more and more often centered people whose character types I’d only ever seen as villains. And from there we arrive at today!

Are there any particular ways your aro-spec experience is expressed in your art?

Recently, my brother (who is my sounding board for a lot of stories, as I am for him) looked at my books-to-write list and said, ‘Nearly every idea you have is a deconstructed romance or strong non-romantic relationship.’

I love strong relationships, so I originally thought I needed to write people as love interests to get that; these days I feel more free to focus on whatever the heck I want, and being aro shows in everything. My current WIP centers a poly relationship where two of the partners are aromantic. Two people (often, but not always, a man and a woman due to my frustration with the ‘men and women can’t be friends’ thing) who are the most important people in each others’ lives and are platonic, show up over and over again in my novel ideas; I start with relationships that look like romances and then pull them apart. Part of this, I think, is due to my autistic ‘let’s take this into component parts and see how it works’ tendencies; being autistic and being aro aren’t cause and effect, for me, but they play well together.

When I write poetry, some of it deals explicitly with being aromantic, but all of it is non-romantic. It makes me kind of anxious sometimes to think of people interpreting pieces as being romo because they’re about intense emotions; one of the biggest ways being aro is expressed in my writing is my constant attempts to show other feelings, connections and relationships than romance being worthy of big feelings and gestures. I’ll sometimes refer to myself as ‘aromantic but capital-R Romantic’ (i.e.  extremely dramatic) because of that.

What challenges do you face as an aro-spec artist?

I’m sure I’ll run into more problems as I try to take my increasingly aro and queer and ND works to professional markets, but at the moment my biggest problem is self-censoring. I sit at an awkward junction of having multiple identities I want to include in my work, and being … well, someone who grew up obsessed with villains, who later on developed a decade’s interest in slasher horror, and who still tends to write people who are perceived as, or see themselves as, villains. Awkward because I always have that voice in my head (helped along by some of the stuff I see on social media) going ‘that’s not good rep! nobody will want to read this!’

But I know from experience that not writing from the heart (and look at that, I do have one after all!) doesn’t end well, so I’m working on getting good at writing my weird dark stuff and hoping I’ll find the audience for it. And I always leave a little bit of light in it, because I have another voice in my head, still saying, ‘just because you’re a villain doesn’t mean you can’t be happy’.

It’s a weird sort of positivity, but it works for me.

How do you connect to the aro-spec and a-spec communities as an aro-spec person?

Following and submitting to this blog is part of my first attempts to actually join the aro-spec community. I tend to move slowly and be very nervous of talking to new people, but I’ve been trying to be more affirming of my aromantic identity lately, and seeking out other aros is part of that. Hopefully I’ll settle in a little more as time passes.

How can the aro-spec community best help you as a creative?

At the moment, people following and reblogging from my poetry blog @mangledmouth would be much appreciated. It’s hard to get traction with poetry (especially if you don’t write romantic poetry) and I’d love more people to see my work. I’m proud of a lot of what I’ve done, so check it out! Be warned that my love for horror and oddness turns up there as well, but there’s nothing too graphic.

And Ko-Fi donations or small Patreon subscriptions are always appreciated.

Can you share with us something about your current project?

My current WIP (titled either The Night In Wanting or And One of Us Be Happy, depending on whether I go for the one that sounds better or the one that fits best thematically) is about a third done! Praise me, because I’m really bad at finishing things, but I’m still on track to wrap this up at the end of June. It’s about a Weird Small Town and Sarah, a girl with a reputation for breaking hearts, who decides to date one of her best friends and actually try to make it work. Her attempts at being normal quickly get derailed when their town’s general weirdness turns hostile - attacks by creatures from the woods, unsettling amounts of rain, pictures changing when you’re not looking at them and a really pushy forest spirit trying to bargain with people for a heart. Her attempts at normal are further derailed when she figures out that her new boyfriend is also in love with a mutual friend, and that she might not feel love at all.

I love these characters, guys. This story is finally coming together after years and the three main characters - Sarah, Mags and Fred - have always been at the heart of it, no matter what shape it took. (Mags used to be a ghost, and the story went through a phase of being a Band AU of itself. Fred kept getting possessed, and there’s a joke about that in the text now that nobody will get but me. And now you guys!) It’s terrifying to write a YA that’s not only poly, but focuses on an aromantic main character, but I’m determined to make it work.

(This is is one of the most sweet/normal things I’ve worked on, despite the healthy dose of horror. I’ve also been writing snippets of a pet project called How The Child-Eater Became King, to give you an idea of the other end of the spectrum.)

Have you any forthcoming works we should look forward to?

I haven’t got the release date for it yet (it’ll probably be a while yet) but I recently sold a short story, Sabuyashi Flies, to Glittership. The main character, Sabuyashi, was originally aroace but turned out to be a lesbian ace during writing. (Characters often decide to come out while I’m writing, which is always fun to handle. I mean that both sarcastically and genuinely.) I’m already working on and off on the sequel story where she meets her future best friend Nathaniel, who is aro. Working title is Nat Luckless and the Girl Made of Beetles. Look for news about Sabuyashi Flies soonish and Nat Luckless whenever my slow butt manages to finish and (fingers crossed) sell it!

#aro spec artist profiles #sebastian #gloriousmonsters #mangledmouth #text #patreon #kofi #glittership #link #original fiction #original poetry and prose #poetry #original fiction and prose #short fiction #fiction #long post #very long post #aromantic #alloaro #support our aro spec creatives if you can #queer #the arospec writers discussing their creativity tag #creativity discussion posts #creativity sharing posts #extremely long post

[aj-lenoire]

no i’m not done—

the way percy recoils in shame when vex wakes up the heartbreak in his voice when he explains it was his fault the way he turned away from her body like he couldn’t even bear to look at what he’d caused another loved one dead before him just like cass just like his family—

i am THRIVING

#skating by the fact that cass is in fact alive and well bc she DID get shot with arrows and then also have her throat slit #in terms of his trauma percy saw his sister die in front of him twice #this is what people mean by capital-R Romantic—i’m feeling so many EMOTIONS #the legend of vox machina #vex’ahlia #percy de rolo #percival fredrickstein von musel de rolo iii #aj watches vox machina #aj watches

[occasionalfics]

Warrior, iv (Thor x Reader)

part i | part ii | part iii 

Summary: This is not the reunion you could’ve even imagined. Are you making things worse by waiting?

A/N: I just want to say that you’re all so wonderful and I’m so flattered and happy that you like this so much! Everyone’s so eager for the next chapter and it makes me feel really good. Thank you so much for your kind words, even as I continue to amp up the angst and drama! <3

EDIT: Also, I don’t actually think Sif is a part of the Warriors Three since...there are three of them without her in the count...but I don’t know how to count at all so...I’m just gonna leave this note here. 

Tags: @oknstark​ @httpmcrvel​ @a-girl-who-loves-disney​ @markusstraya​ @125bluemachine125​ @blvckxsoulz​ (let me know if you want to be tagged!)

Words: 3,572

~~~

You felt terrible about your accusation all night and into the next morning. Your dreams were full of shadows transforming into people you once knew, all looking sternly at you as they towered above you. You woke early, unable to stop the nightmare from continuing. You looked for Thor at breakfast, but found only Bruce Banner whispering to Tony Stark. You ate slowly as Bruce mentioned that Captain America was busy recruiting Wakandan troops for the upcoming fight.

“He better think twice about bringing that cyborg back with him,” Tony said, perhaps low enough that he thought you wouldn’t hear. But you were Asgardian, so you did.

“Tony,” Bruce said, whining the name. “We need all the help we can get. Thor thinks the Winter Soldier will be indispensable.”

“I’ll give that Goldilocks sonofabi-”

“Tony,” Bruce warned.

They were quiet for a beat, then continued to bicker. You wondered why Tony was so against the Winter Soldier - he’d never mentioned anything around you, but perhaps it wasn’t your business. You ignored them as best as you could, focusing on the sweetness of the cereal you ate. Thor never came in for breakfast, and after you finished eating, you went back upstairs to the garden.

Since coming to the compound, you’d tended to the plants whenever they needed you, or whenever you needed to clear your mind. It was a safe place, a place to think and reflect and watch the sun rise. But that morning, it was also the place Thor had gone, probably for the same reason.

“I’m sorry,” you said when he turned at the sound of the door shutting behind you.

He shook his head. “This is your home too,” he said quietly.

You didn’t feel the need to refute the claim. In a way, the compound was your home. You lived and worked there, had helped build the very structure you were standing on.

Silently, you went and stood next to him near the edge of the porch. You had planned on pulling some of the dead plants, but suddenly your apology for the night before was more important. So you crossed your arms over one another and looked out at the sun, squinting as you said, “I’m actually sorry for last night. I said things that weren’t fair, and I blamed you for things you had no control over.”

He looked at you, standing in much the same position, and said, “I’m sorry for doubting you. I should’ve known better but…”

“But Odin was against our union from the start,” you said.

He nodded. “All the more reason I shouldn’t have listened to him, though. You were right to be angry, to think I’d abandoned you. And for that, I may never equally reconcile with you.”

There was silence then, and you looked at the plants that lined the edge of the patio. You laughed to yourself and said, “I would’ve believed my parents, had they done it the same way.” You didn’t say that it was perfectly reasonable for him to have thought you’d simply left. To say that, you’d divulge the whole story, even if you didn’t have to.

It was funny, how even after so long, you still felt like you couldn’t hide from him. Once the gates were opened, the flood would rush in, just as it always had.

“They’d never be capable of such deception,” he said. “Your father was my favorite of the court entertainers. Did I ever tell you?”

You couldn’t stop smiling, even softly, as you shook your head. “He was the favorite of many. A gifted man.”

“That he was. His illusions always fooled me. I loved them almost as much as I loved you.”

Something about the tense in which he spoke unsettled you, but you refused to let it show on your features. “If only I’d been so greatly gifted,” you whispered. Before he could protest that you had been - that you were as skilled a warrior as your father had been an illusionist - you went on: “Were my parents spared when I...left?” You lifted your face to look at him, losing all signs of jest.

“Yes,” he said. “Odin convinced Asgard that you had left of your own volition. He wasn’t fond of our relationship, but he what he lacked in empathy for us he made up for in compassion for your mother and father. I think Frigga played a large part in that, since she and your mother were so close.”

“Good,” you whispered with a curt nod. “Then, at least, Odin did not completely hate me.” Still, he had ruined any good will the Asgardian people might feel for you, simply by marking you a traitor.

And yet, Thor didn’t seem to care much about that. You wondered if his feelings clouded his judgment, or if his father’s ridiculous standards simply didn’t mean as much to him.

With a chuckle, he said, “Odin did not hate you.”

You lowered your lids and rose a brow at him.

“Why would Odin hate you?” he asked as if there couldn’t possibly be an answer to the question.

“You’re kidding, right?” you asked, sounding much too much like a Midgardian for your own liking. “I came between his heir and his choice of a wife for you. I was the reason you would not marry Sif.”

“You were one very large reason, but not the only one,” he said. “I told you that I would not deny Sif nor myself the freedom of deciding our own destinies. And you forget that Sif did not want me, either.”

Again, the past tense to his words rattled your blood. “Still, Odin blamed me.”

“You can’t know that,” he said. “Maybe he blamed you for leaving, for causing me pain, but not for allowing me the opportunity to choose you, surely.”

You sighed, though you wanted to laugh at how foolish, naive, and Romantic he sounded. Capital R-Romantic, like words could not accurately describe feelings, like pain was but a thing of the past. “Odin did not like it when his rules were broken. His word was law. He was the Allfather.”

“But he was not so unreasonable as to deny his son’s happiness.”

Fool, you thought. “Can you say the same for Loki?” you asked instead.

Thor groaned. “Loki is not Odin’s trueborn son.”

You had not heard such news, but that changed nothing. “Does that matter?” you asked. “He lived in your shadow, just like the rest of us. He was never good enough, just like I was never good enough. He always lacked some quality that Odin saw in you, like I lacked the status that Lady Sif was born into.”

He was quiet then, taking in this comparison. You could hardly believe you had made it yourself, and yet, it made sense.

“Where is Loki, right now?” you asked.

“With Asgard,” he said.

“Not ruling, surely.”

He shook his head. “No. I left him alone enough to do that once. I was not about to make the same mistake twice. He serves on a board with my trusted advisors, under the most watchful eye of Heimdall.”

You didn’t know how you felt about that, so you said nothing of it. This conversation wasn’t really about Loki, anyway. Thor’s untrustworthy...half-brother, or whatever he was, was not the real object of your concern. “I’m sure Odin would’ve loved Val, as he loved Sif,” you said. You hadn’t meant to sound jealous, but you noticed a certain twinge to the octave in which you spoke.

Thor laughed. “I’m sure Odin knew Val, actually, but he never would’ve said as much to me. Or anyone.”

You said nothing to that, knowing he was right. Odin was a keeper of secrets, it was well known throughout the palace. But when you’d lived on Asgard, you believed as your parents had: he was ancient, and knew more than most other Asgardians could even bear. Of course he kept secrets. Once you’d been exiled, of course, that opinion changed. His secrets, you thought, were meant to preserve his world, and no one else’s.

You were tired of hating Odin. The emotion had weighed you down for too long, and now he was dead. There was no use in focusing on him, so you asked instead, “She’s really the last one? “There are no more Valkyries otherwise?”

“Not that I know of,” he said with a small shrug. “I’ve spoken to her about recruiting new warriors, but she always diverts the conversation. She still feels the defeat like a mountain on her shoulders.”

As a child, you’d heard all the stories about the Valkyries. They were the best of the best, the shining crown of Asgard when it came to combat. You remembered playing in the courtyards of the palace, pretending to be one of the mythical fighters yourself. Thor had always wanted to be one as well, but Sif had always told him that the Valkyries were only women. He cared not; he would tie his long hair up and pretend to be one regardless. You’d wanted to be one yourself, but then, so did every Asgardian warrior. But it was a dream no one could fulfill.

To know that Val was the only one, that there was a possibility she might need you and Sif to rebuild the legacy of the Valkyries… It was too good to be true. You refused to let your hopes go too high on that account.

“We all have mountains to carry,” you said, dropping your arms as a breeze blew past you. You breathed in the air, glad to no longer be taking in the musty scent of Manhattan. When the wind ceased, you bent down and dug in a plot of dirt. This particular plant was thriving, so you mostly looked for any sign of weed around it. When you found none, you moved to the next plant, continuing with each subsequent plot until you were satisfied that almost all of the plants were living, breathing, and unencumbered.

You wished you could say the same for yourself.

The Guardians of the Galaxy, the rag-tag group of what you assumed were mostly bandits and assassins, were all jittery, all the time. Two of them - the green woman Gamora and the blue one, Nebula - knew what was coming. They trained night and day, though they were two of the most ruthless fighters you had ever seen.

You tried to tell them they would make excellent Valkyries, but Nebula simply sneered, her dark eyes seeming to blaze at any hint of kindness. Gamora curtly thanked you, then went back to fighting the large green man - Drax.

You hadn’t noticed Val had been in the training room until she pushed herself off the wall and came to stand next to you.

“I know you think it’s the honorable thing, to speak as if the Valkyries might one day rise again,” she whispered. “But it’s not. These people have too much to lose to think of it.”

“And you?” you asked, nodding at her. “Do you have too much to lose?”

She shrugged and smirked. “If Hela couldn’t take Asgard from me, neither can Thanos.” That was all she said before she brandished her sword, swinging it around like it weighed nothing.

You’d never seen a Valkyrie fight, but you wanted to. You always had. And now you had something of a chance. You lifted your sword and said, “Show me.”

She glared at you, her devilish smirk still playfully mocking. She walked a few paces away from you and positioned herself in a defensive position. You were confused for a moment, thinking that she would be the offensive fighter, but then decided not to think too much about it.

You brought your sword up, positioned yourself likewise, and charged. She easily blocked you, barely even grunting at the force of the weapons clashing.

“Thor says you’ve been here for some time,” she said between the metal, not even gritting her teeth as she focused on holding you back.

“Two hundred years,” you said, pulling back just enough to bring your sword up before she blocked you, once again.

“You’ve kept this the whole time?” she asked, nodding to your sword. “And in such great shape!”

You smirked, pushing against the hilt to try to get her back. She didn’t budge as you said, “I’ve had no use for it until now, but it’s the last piece of home I have.”

“Well, it was,” she said. She pushed harder than you had - hard enough to force you back a few paces, then she twirled and brought her weapon down against yours with such power that you nearly fell over backwards. “Thor told me he never thought he’d see you again.” She eased back, as if to keep you from falling. Perhaps she sensed you weren’t as seasoned a fighter as you had once been. “He’s mushy like that.”

“Does he tell you everything?” you asked, hoping to distract her enough to push back. It didn’t work.

She shrugged. “Enough, I suppose. He said you abandoned Asgard and broke his heart.” She pushed hard again, and you slammed against the wall. Val kept her distance, staring then without a smirk. You were already breathing heavy, but she looked calm and composed.

“He said that?” you asked, though you knew it was what he’d thought until last night. He’d said so himself.

She came forward, lifted her sword, and brought it down on you, though not quite as hard this time. Then she swung a few quick jabs at you, which you blocked easily enough, though you couldn’t push off the wall.

“Is it not true?” she asked, still jabbing.

“No,” you said, still blocking.

“What, then?” she asked. “I suppose it makes sense that you would keep this Asgardian treasure if you hadn’t left of your own choice. So what happened?”

You grunted as she hit harder. You tumbled away when she pulled back, hoping to change direction and gain the upper hand. She followed you with a sly turn of her heel, then came at you once more.

“This steel is from Vanaheim,” you said. “Of course I’d keep it.”

She laughed at that, but kept coming with her weapon. “You didn’t answer my question,” she said with a shake of her head.

You were able to hold off her attack above your head. “I haven’t told him yet,” you said. “How can I know you won’t tell him if I answer your question?”

She chuckled, continuing to bring down her weapon on yours; you shifted to meet her blows as well as you could. “I guess you can’t, unless you decide to trust me. One warrior to another.”

You swung your sword up again, knocking hers out of your vision before you turned and ran, though not far. Just far enough to put space between you so you could catch your breath. “I haven’t told anyone in two hundred years,” you said, louder than you meant to. Some of the other fighters in the room stopped what they were doing and stared. A few - namely Drax - got punched because of their lack of attention. You kept your eyes on Val as she approached you again.

You planted your feet in the soft mat beneath you and held your sword with it’s point out toward her, a warning not to come too close. She seemed to think that was funny; she laughed, and when she was close enough, she knocked the side of her blade into yours, sending vibrations up the hilt and into your arms and shoulders.

“So that’s the weight you bear,” she said. “Let me guess: Odin was not what Thor thinks he was?”

Of course she knew, you thought. She’d known Odin much longer than you had. The sound of his name, here in the training room, made your body heat up. You pushed back against her harder than you had before and actually set her stumbling a few feet.

“Ooh!” she practically sang, regaining her balance easily. “Of course Odin had something to do with it. If there’s a sure sign of some Asgardian destruction, it’s always his fault.” She vaulted toward you before you knew what was happening, and had her blade against the sunken skin where your collar bones dropped off. You kept your sword pointed at her, but did not move otherwise. “By some extension of him, we’ve both lost the thing we hold dearest, if I had to guess.”

You took a hard gulp, felt the point of her blade pinch your skin. It didn’t break into your throat, but it was still painful. “He banished me here,” you said. “Stole me in the middle of the night and sent me to Norway.”

Her smirk didn’t fade, but she did pull her arm back, slowly. You watched her place her sword back in its holster, beneath her hair, before you dropped your sword.

“You’re gonna have to do better than that against Thanos,” she said, coming closer to you.

You nodded, but had no further words. You fell into a sitting position against the mat and breathed heavily. You felt her sit beside you, then saw her legs stretch out and cross over one another. She leaned back on her palms before asking, “Why would Odin throw away such a talented warrior?”

“I’m not talented. I was, but I’ve fallen out of practice.”

She laughed. “Do not compare your skill with mine. I was taught by generations of the best fighters Asgard had to offer. You were taught by Thor and a man name Volstagg, from what I hear.”

You laughed, too, at how pompous she sounded. But she was a Valkyrie, you reminded yourself. She was probably right.

“You started your story,” she said, “now tell me why Odin would banish someone he could so easily put to use in his army.”

You looked over your shoulder, noticed that Thor wasn’t present. You’d been carrying this secret with you for so long that it no longer felt like a secret until you thought about it. Then, with just a fraction of attention, it blew up until it hurt to continue holding on. It might feel better to say something, you thought.

“I did break his heart,” you said. “More than once, I think. He did teach me to fight, and so did Volstagg and Lady Sif. The only teachers I could’ve had that would’ve been better were Valkyries, had they existed at the time.”

You watched her nod, but she said nothing, so you went on.

“I’ve loved him since we were children, but I was a commoner. I was not born into nobility, like Lady Sif. I spent time in the palace because my parents were in Odin’s employ, but I was not meant to be there always. I knew my feelings could never come to anything, other than as a devoted comrade in arms.” You wiped sweat from your forehead and kicked your athletic shoes off. “But he’d fallen for me, too. Odin wasn’t happy, though I think he only let me know of his disdain. Perhaps he thought he could intimidate my feelings away, I don’t know…”

“I wouldn’t put it past him,” she said.

“At a public festival, he announced that Thor and Lady Sif were to be married. I had to pretend to be happy for them. But Sif and Thor agreed that they did not want to marry. Sif knew of my feelings our whole lives, and, I suppose, she knew of Thor’s as well. But I’d always known that Sif...well, she was never interested in men.”

Val’s smirk widened. “I think I like the sound of this Lady Sif.”

“I’m sure you’d love her, if I knew where she was. She was one of the best fighters I’d ever seen, and the only woman in the Warriors Three. She was loyal to me as well as to Odin.”

“But I did not ask about Sif,” Val said. “I asked about you.”

You looked at your socks and nodded. “Sif arranged for me and Thor to come together. She even consented to breaking off their engagement. Odin allowed it, I think because he respected Sif more than he cared for my feelings. I never believed he would allow me to marry his heir. He saw my love as ambition, not as true emotion. So...he had Heimdall open the bridge and sent me on my merry way.”

“And, what?” she asked. “Heimdall ignored you for 200 years?”

“I’m sure he was following orders. Strict orders. Odin told everyone that I left because I did not love Thor, or that I had changed my mind or...whatever it was he said.”

She said nothing for a bit. The only sounds around you were that of the others fighting, mostly in hand-to-hand combat. You listened to the grunts, the punches, the instructions and the bodies that slammed against the mat over and over again.

“For what it’s worth,” Val finally said. “Anyone could be a Valkyrie. Odin had no say in that, at least.”

You forced a smile. At least, it was mostly forced. There was a certain lightness to your muscles, now that you had told your story to someone, that aided in making your smile genuine. “Thank you,” you said.

#thor x reader #thor odinson x reader #warrior fic

[coccolare-blog]

the breakup.

It’s been two days since our breakup. R and I dated for a year and a half. And now it is no longer. I didn’t see it coming, even though I should’ve. 

My heart still hurts, I still cry spontaneously throughout the day, and my nose hurts from all the tissues I’ve smooshed into my face. 

He was the first person that I’ve ever wanted to marry. I wanted to have his kids. I wanted to build the urban garden we talked about, start the charity we brainstormed about. I wanted to support him as he grew his company. I wanted him to be by my side as I built mine. I wanted to read the book he brought me for my birthday together. There were so many things that I wanted. 

When he told me he wanted to break up, I was over come with emotions. Sadness because I didn’t want to be separated from him. Regret for the hurtful words I said, and for the things I did, or didn’t do. Anger for all the things I wanted him to do, but he never did. I admit, I was also afraid. What would happen to me? I just turned 27, and I couldn’t bare the idea of being alone. 

I cried, he cried. I pleaded and reasoned and begged for him to not give up. For him to give me a chance, us a chance. For him to try a little harder. Anything. He didn’t budge. 

At the end I said, “I wish there was some concrete explanation I could understand.” 

He said, “I just don’t love you,” admitting defeat. 

“Ok.” I felt numb. “Ok.” It was over. 

It wasn’t “I love you, but I don’t love you,” or “I’m just not in love with you anymore,” or some cliche breakup line like that. In fact, in all this time, he has never told me he loved me and he never had. 

He wasn’t like my high school boyfriend, who told me he loved me a week in. Or my college boyfriend who said it a month in. R said they were tricksters, not believing in the youthful romances. They must have said it to make me trust them, for me to give them everything I had. Or they confused their hormones with love, or maybe it was their initial sense of infatuation. Something like that. It wasn’t love. 

R isn’t the typical romantic. A few months in I waited for him to say these words that other boys seemed unable to hold back. When they didn’t come, I confronted him. Not to ask him why he wasn’t in love, but to ask what he thought love was. He had never been in love. He started dating later in life, when he was 23 or 24. He had three girlfriends before me. 6 months, 3 months, 1 month. Each grew shorter as he eliminated the possibilities. 

I asked him if he thought he was capable of love - something I was questioning myself before I met him. He said, “I would very much like to be in love.” The end rose in tone, as if asking a question. 

He wanted someone that he trusted. In all sense of the word. Smart, caring, capable, self sufficient. Someone who could handle things so that he could do other, more important things, like work. Work was always on his mind. 

He also wanted to do all sorts of projects. Whatever big idea that caught his fancy- a new business idea, or a charity. For someone who loved capitalism so much, he was surprisingly into helping others. His thing was that you could help so many more people if you used money effectively. He wanted a partner who would do it with him. 

His final thought, which he prefaced with “I don’t know if this is reasonable, but...” he felt that he would be sure he was in love once they face some sort of hardship or big event. If they made it though, overcame it, averted the crisis in a way he deemed reasonable, then he would know. It was probably some sort of ultimate test to see if she will be a fit mother. 

I joked that we weren’t going to get into a car crash to find out. 

I was enamored by him from the start. When people asked what I liked about him, I instantly said “I like the way his brain works.” That isn’t to say that I always agree with him. We shared many things- values, future visions, an affinity to dry humor- but we didn’t agree on everything or share many interests. I didn’t need that, and was fine with accepting him as he was. 

I was fascinated. I wanted to poke holes and wriggle my way through these thoughts, swimming in an endless pool of ideas. I wanted to know him in a way that I didn’t, and probably couldn’t, understand anyone else. 

From his idea of love, you can probably tell, he is a very special type of person. He is driven, confident, and strangely idealistic. He has an ego too- not surprising for a young man who is successful, handsome, and smart. He probably feels like he can conquer the world- I don’t blame him.

Ego is not a terrible thing, but it gets in the way sometimes. It blinds you from other perspectives, closes you off from considering other possible truths. 

While I wanted to meander through thoughts, he wanted an answer. My mind was always in between- seeking, finding, analyzing different possibilities. He thought there should always be a best answer. The right answer. All else was pointless. 

I grew weary of answering leading questions. I didn’t like being dismissed because my argument was weak, or being questioned if I, by principle, really believed what I said. 

He lost interest when I became a blank slate. I didn’t tickle his brain or challenge his beliefs the way he wanted. I resented his stubbornness to not consider my ideas significant.  

Another thing you should know about him was that he really judged people. Perhaps there’s a better word I should use instead, but it was a self-proposed word that he enjoyed as a proud INTJ. He really strongly identified with each letter, despite the pseudo science behind it. 

He really admired people, particularly good businessmen, who made a lot of their life. Rockefeller, Ford, Kroc, Bezos, Musk. What he didn’t like were people who didn’t aspire to anymore more than a normal desk job. He surrounded himself with friends who were entrepreneurs, smart people, go getters- people who think big. 

He liked that I was also a entrepreneur, and he loved to talk about work. He would give me advice and new ideas of things I could do. He pushed me to do better. 

I’m not a typical entrepreneur though. I didn’t venture forth with twinkling eyes- filled with ideas about changing the world. It was my sister’s idea to start it, and I went along because I liked not working for a boss. I like making things. I was the creative type, the work horse, the factory worker. I like to work and I want to do well, but maybe I’m just missing some gung-ho “I’m the best out there, and people love me” kind of vibe. 

I’m terribly insecure. 

I didn’t like talking about work with him. Compared to his business, we were a drop in the pond. He had started young, dropped out of college, bootstrapped the company and everything. For my sister and I, it was our first year of actually making any money, which even then was not much, On top of that we had issues with inventory, delays, and various mistakes that two non-business savvy people will make when they’re starting a company. Plus we were scared, risk-adversed and timid - not the kind of attitude you need to grow a successful business. 

I grew up poor. Maybe not dirt poor, or homeless, or surviving on food stamps poor. My parent’s were hardworking immigrants who never had a chance to make much money. My dad never even went to high school thanks to the communist revolution. He worked in construction even though he was really an artist at heart. My mom married my dad, a stranger ten years her senior, to move to America, and she went to learn accounting at city college to get a job. It’s amazing really, what they accomplished, but we never had much money growing up.

He on the other hand, had two well educated, tech industry parents and grew up in a wealthy suburb. 

Like most people who grew up poor, I never liked money, wasn’t particularly good with money, other than saving it (or rather hoarding it like a camel who doesn’t know where they’ll find water next), and never had confidence in my fiscal intelligence. 

So when he told me I needed to do more, I felt like he was calling me stupid. When he told me I should work faster before competition came after us, I felt like he was calling me lazy. When he asked if I felt pressure, and if the pressure pushed me harder, I felt weak. 

It’s not his fault that I didn’t want to talk to him. I never told him these things. 

Instead I got upset, asked him to stop, and to calm down on how much we talked about work. This ate away at his soul. It was his favorite thing, and it was so rare for us to be both in this position. It should be a goldmine of topics to talk endlessly about. But i shut the door on him. 

These days I can’t stop thinking about where it all went wrong. I wonder if I had been more confident, really talked about how I felt about work and money, been proud of what I had done, been OK with where my company was because I knew eventually it would grow, if he would have fed off of these conversations. I wonder if he would have fallen in love. 

I have crazy fantasies about texting him, or calling him. Sometimes I run into him on the street, maybe at a coffee shop - even though both of us don’t drink coffee. I’ve daydreamed about emailing him voice recordings of me reading the book he gave me, and he would listen to my voice and miss me. 

I can’t seem to eat anymore, so I guess I’m finally going on that diet I’ve been meaning to go on. I’ve been waking up early and working out. I’ve been doing yoga and reading articles about overcoming insecurity and building self-confidence. I can’t sleep, so I stay up reading about hydroponics and aquaponics, and homelessness- all topics we used to talk about. 

I dream about months later, how I will get a text from him. We reconnect and meet to have dinner, I’d show off how beautiful I’ve become. How much knowledge I’ve gained. How well work is going. My new found confidence.

And he would find me so dazzling he wouldn’t be able to resist taking me back. 

#love #heartbreak #breakup #story #short story #modern love #long reads

[brittanyyoungblog]

Ten Things Science Taught Us About Sex In 2020

2020 has been memorable for a lot of reasons—including what science taught us about sex. Here’s a quick recap of some of the most interesting things we learned about sex this year. 

1.) Spending time naked with strangers can improve body image.

This year brought us the first-ever randomized controlled trial of communal nudity, in which half of the participants were given an opportunity to socialize in the buff—in a safe space—while the other half did so fully clothed. For participants in the naked condition only, body image was significantly more positive at the end of the study than it was in the beginning. This change occurred, in part, because nudity reduced “social physique anxiety” (anxious feelings about the way others look at your body). These findings suggest that for those who are open to trying it, spending more time naked just might offer some psychological benefits. Learn more about this study here.

2.) Men who pay for sex actually have more positive attitudes toward gender equality.

Many people believe that men who buy sex do not value women or gender equality. However, research suggests otherwise. In an online survey of more than 500 men who had paid for sex, researchers compared their views on gender equality to those of men in the general population. What they found was that attitudes relating to women’s roles in the workplace, home, and politics tended to be more positive among men who had paid for sex compared to the national average. This suggests that men who pay for sex do not necessarily devalue women more than other men; in fact, it anything, the reverse appears to be true. Learn more about this research here. 

3.) How women feel about their romantic partners depends, in part, on where they are in their menstrual cycle. 

In a longitudinal study in which researchers tracked women’s menstrual cycles and collected daily reports on how they felt about their intimate lives, they found that women’s evaluations of their partners turned negative during ovulation, but rebounded afterwards. What’s behind these shifts? The researchers argue that because the negative changes in partner evaluation occurred during peak fertility, this may be a sign that women evolved to subtly distance themselves from their partners at that time in order to capitalize on other mating opportunities that might come along. Read more about this study here.

4.) Some pick-up lines work better than others, but their success depends on the appearance of the person delivering them. 

Which pick-up lines tend to land the best? In an online survey, heterosexual men were asked to evaluate the effectiveness of several different types of opening lines. Each line was accompanied by a photo of a woman reported to have used the line. It turned out that direct lines (where people openly communicate their interest and/or offer a compliment, such as “You have really nice eyes”) were most preferred, followed by flippant lines (such as “I'm easy, are you?”), then innocuous lines (such as “Hi.”). However, direct lines were considered most effective when delivered by a woman who was highly attractive. These lines were less effective for women of lower attractiveness, but were more effective when she was dressed in a way that revealed more of her body. Learn more about this research and the psychology of pick-up lines here.

5.) Republicans had more sex during the pandemic than did Democrats.

In general, people reported more declines that improvements in their sex lives during the pandemic. However, some people were more likely to experience declines than others—and it turns out that it depended, in part, on people’s political affiliations. In our Kinsey Institute study on how COVID-19 is changing our intimate lives, we found that people who identified as more conservative were actually more sexually active during the lockdown/quarantine period than those who self-identified as liberal. There are several possible reasons for this. One has to do with social distancing adherence—liberals were more likely to report sticking to social distancing guidelines than were conservatives. Also, liberals (compared to conservatives) reported feeling more stressed and lonely, and they reported more concern for their health. Learn more about this research here—and watch this video for a broader look at how the pandemic affected people’s sex lives.

6.) 1 in 3 young men have not had sex in the last year—but it’s not because they’re watching porn instead.

A nationally representative US study found that the number of 18-24-year-old men reporting no partnered sex during the past year increased from 18.9% in the early 2000s to 30.1% almost two decades later. Put another way, 1 in 3 young men today are reporting not having had sex for at least a year. What’s behind this shift in sexual behavior? It doesn’t appear to be due to changes in porn use. In fact, in this study, porn users tended to be more—not less—sexually active. However, the researchers did find that men who made less money and/or who were unemployed or underemployed were more likely to report sexual inactivity. Read more about other possible reasons and additional findings from this study here.

7.) Some people intentionally try to hurt themselves through sex to regulate negative emotions—not because they find pain to be sexually arousing. 

Some people use sex as a means of self-injury—for them, sex is a purposefully sought way of harming the self physically or psychologically. For example, this might involve intentionally seeking out sex with an abusive person or having sex with someone considered disgusting as a form of punishment or humiliation. In a study of people who had previously engaged in sex as self-injury, one of the primary motivations described was emotional regulation, including seeking relief from depression, anxiety, and/or contempt for the self. This behavior is distinct from sexual masochism and should not be lumped into the same category as BDSM, given that sexual pleasure is not the overriding goal or motive and typical kinky sex precautions are not being taken (i.e., ensuring that everything is “safe, sane, and consensual”). Learn more about the psychology behind sex as self-injury here.

8.) There are at least 4 types of multiorgasmic women.

A study of more than 400 multiorgasmic women found that women’s experiences with multiple orgasms are very diverse. Researchers found that there were at least four “types” of multiorgasmic women who varied in terms of their sexual motivation (e.g., how interested they are in sex and how sexually adventurous they are), their previous sexual history (e.g., their degree of sexual self-exploration), and the nature of their multiple orgasms (e.g., how many orgasms they typically have). This study also revealed that there isn’t just one “recipe” for multiple orgasms and that multiorgasmic episodes can look very different, ranging from 2 to over 100 orgasms in a single sexual session. Learn more about multiple orgasms in women here.

9.) Your personality may predict your likelihood of being cheated on in a relationship.

In a nationally representative US study of nearly 1,600 adults, researchers looked at how the Big Five personality traits were linked to whether people had ever been cheated on by their partners. They found that the more conscientious people were (i.e., being detail-oriented, hardworking, organized, and responsible), the less likely they were to have been cheated on. Why is that? It may be because detail-oriented people tend to put more work/effort into their relationships and that this reduces the odds of cheating occurring. By contrast, the more agreeable people were (i.e., having more care and concern for the well-being of others), the more likely they were to have been cheated on. Why are “nicer” people more likely to have been cheated on? Perhaps people with agreeable partners tend to take them for granted, or assume that they can get away with bad behavior because they believe their partner will forgive them. Learn more about this study here.

10.) Straight women and gay men seem to feel very differently about receiving unsolicited dick pics. 

In study of more than 2,000 adults who were diverse in gender and sexual orientation, researchers found that receiving unsolicited dick pics is a common experience—however, people’s reactions to these photos vary considerably. Specifically, heterosexual women were far more likely to perceive these photos as a form of sexual harassment and to feel disgusted or violated compared to gay and bisexual men, who were far more likely to say they felt aroused, entertained, or flattered. This isn’t to say that everyone had the same reactions, though—for example, some straight women reported positive reactions and some gay and bi men reported negative reactions. In other words, individual reactions vary, but there are sizeable average group differences based on gender and sexual orientation. Learn more about this research here, as well as some tips on how to obtain consent prior to sending nude photos online. Get consent first because it’s the right thing to do—and it increases the odds of a favorable reaction.

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology ? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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Eight Things Science Taught Us About Sex In 2018

Nine Things Science Taught Us About Sex In 2019

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[ellenlucasonlinedatingblog]

Ten Things Science Taught Us About Sex In 2020

2020 has been memorable for a lot of reasons—including what science taught us about sex. Here’s a quick recap of some of the most interesting things we learned about sex this year. 

1.) Spending time naked with strangers can improve body image.

This year brought us the first-ever randomized controlled trial of communal nudity, in which half of the participants were given an opportunity to socialize in the buff—in a safe space—while the other half did so fully clothed. For participants in the naked condition only, body image was significantly more positive at the end of the study than it was in the beginning. This change occurred, in part, because nudity reduced “social physique anxiety” (anxious feelings about the way others look at your body). These findings suggest that for those who are open to trying it, spending more time naked just might offer some psychological benefits. Learn more about this study here.

2.) Men who pay for sex actually have more positive attitudes toward gender equality.

Many people believe that men who buy sex do not value women or gender equality. However, research suggests otherwise. In an online survey of more than 500 men who had paid for sex, researchers compared their views on gender equality to those of men in the general population. What they found was that attitudes relating to women’s roles in the workplace, home, and politics tended to be more positive among men who had paid for sex compared to the national average. This suggests that men who pay for sex do not necessarily devalue women more than other men; in fact, it anything, the reverse appears to be true. Learn more about this research here. 

3.) How women feel about their romantic partners depends, in part, on where they are in their menstrual cycle. 

In a longitudinal study in which researchers tracked women’s menstrual cycles and collected daily reports on how they felt about their intimate lives, they found that women’s evaluations of their partners turned negative during ovulation, but rebounded afterwards. What’s behind these shifts? The researchers argue that because the negative changes in partner evaluation occurred during peak fertility, this may be a sign that women evolved to subtly distance themselves from their partners at that time in order to capitalize on other mating opportunities that might come along. Read more about this study here.

4.) Some pick-up lines work better than others, but their success depends on the appearance of the person delivering them. 

Which pick-up lines tend to land the best? In an online survey, heterosexual men were asked to evaluate the effectiveness of several different types of opening lines. Each line was accompanied by a photo of a woman reported to have used the line. It turned out that direct lines (where people openly communicate their interest and/or offer a compliment, such as “You have really nice eyes”) were most preferred, followed by flippant lines (such as “I'm easy, are you?”), then innocuous lines (such as “Hi.”). However, direct lines were considered most effective when delivered by a woman who was highly attractive. These lines were less effective for women of lower attractiveness, but were more effective when she was dressed in a way that revealed more of her body. Learn more about this research and the psychology of pick-up lines here.

5.) Republicans had more sex during the pandemic than did Democrats.

In general, people reported more declines that improvements in their sex lives during the pandemic. However, some people were more likely to experience declines than others—and it turns out that it depended, in part, on people’s political affiliations. In our Kinsey Institute study on how COVID-19 is changing our intimate lives, we found that people who identified as more conservative were actually more sexually active during the lockdown/quarantine period than those who self-identified as liberal. There are several possible reasons for this. One has to do with social distancing adherence—liberals were more likely to report sticking to social distancing guidelines than were conservatives. Also, liberals (compared to conservatives) reported feeling more stressed and lonely, and they reported more concern for their health. Learn more about this research here—and watch this video for a broader look at how the pandemic affected people’s sex lives.

6.) 1 in 3 young men have not had sex in the last year—but it’s not because they’re watching porn instead.

A nationally representative US study found that the number of 18-24-year-old men reporting no partnered sex during the past year increased from 18.9% in the early 2000s to 30.1% almost two decades later. Put another way, 1 in 3 young men today are reporting not having had sex for at least a year. What’s behind this shift in sexual behavior? It doesn’t appear to be due to changes in porn use. In fact, in this study, porn users tended to be more—not less—sexually active. However, the researchers did find that men who made less money and/or who were unemployed or underemployed were more likely to report sexual inactivity. Read more about other possible reasons and additional findings from this study here.

7.) Some people intentionally try to hurt themselves through sex to regulate negative emotions—not because they find pain to be sexually arousing. 

Some people use sex as a means of self-injury—for them, sex is a purposefully sought way of harming the self physically or psychologically. For example, this might involve intentionally seeking out sex with an abusive person or having sex with someone considered disgusting as a form of punishment or humiliation. In a study of people who had previously engaged in sex as self-injury, one of the primary motivations described was emotional regulation, including seeking relief from depression, anxiety, and/or contempt for the self. This behavior is distinct from sexual masochism and should not be lumped into the same category as BDSM, given that sexual pleasure is not the overriding goal or motive and typical kinky sex precautions are not being taken (i.e., ensuring that everything is “safe, sane, and consensual”). Learn more about the psychology behind sex as self-injury here.

8.) There are at least 4 types of multiorgasmic women.

A study of more than 400 multiorgasmic women found that women’s experiences with multiple orgasms are very diverse. Researchers found that there were at least four “types” of multiorgasmic women who varied in terms of their sexual motivation (e.g., how interested they are in sex and how sexually adventurous they are), their previous sexual history (e.g., their degree of sexual self-exploration), and the nature of their multiple orgasms (e.g., how many orgasms they typically have). This study also revealed that there isn’t just one “recipe” for multiple orgasms and that multiorgasmic episodes can look very different, ranging from 2 to over 100 orgasms in a single sexual session. Learn more about multiple orgasms in women here.

9.) Your personality may predict your likelihood of being cheated on in a relationship.

In a nationally representative US study of nearly 1,600 adults, researchers looked at how the Big Five personality traits were linked to whether people had ever been cheated on by their partners. They found that the more conscientious people were (i.e., being detail-oriented, hardworking, organized, and responsible), the less likely they were to have been cheated on. Why is that? It may be because detail-oriented people tend to put more work/effort into their relationships and that this reduces the odds of cheating occurring. By contrast, the more agreeable people were (i.e., having more care and concern for the well-being of others), the more likely they were to have been cheated on. Why are “nicer” people more likely to have been cheated on? Perhaps people with agreeable partners tend to take them for granted, or assume that they can get away with bad behavior because they believe their partner will forgive them. Learn more about this study here.

10.) Straight women and gay men seem to feel very differently about receiving unsolicited dick pics. 

In study of more than 2,000 adults who were diverse in gender and sexual orientation, researchers found that receiving unsolicited dick pics is a common experience—however, people’s reactions to these photos vary considerably. Specifically, heterosexual women were far more likely to perceive these photos as a form of sexual harassment and to feel disgusted or violated compared to gay and bisexual men, who were far more likely to say they felt aroused, entertained, or flattered. This isn’t to say that everyone had the same reactions, though—for example, some straight women reported positive reactions and some gay and bi men reported negative reactions. In other words, individual reactions vary, but there are sizeable average group differences based on gender and sexual orientation. Learn more about this research here, as well as some tips on how to obtain consent prior to sending nude photos online. Get consent first because it’s the right thing to do—and it increases the odds of a favorable reaction.

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology ? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Image Source: 123RF 

You Might Also Like:

Eight Things Science Taught Us About Sex In 2018

Nine Things Science Taught Us About Sex In 2019

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[veronicadvalle]

Why do you think Riverdale Archie and Veronica are so suited for one another

I feel like i’ve answered this already a few times before. I’m not wanna flood ppl’s dashboards so that’s why I changed the font size to small. (also i realized i answered your ask directly in the last paragraph so you can skip to there; i didn’t want to delete what I wrote previous to that so im gonna leave it).

First thing firsts, let’s talk about their first meeting: Archie was flabbergasted and Veronica was intrigued. I think a few people have discussed this in length before but it seems like RAS wants to explore two completely different relationships by having  B/J and A/V contrasted with each other. Cami herself said that Roberto kind of sees these two couples as polar opposites. And I think the fact that he described them as polar opposites means they have a lot of room to explore whatever is between these two opposites, meaning both couples are gonna have very different issues that probably might parallel each other but not so much so that it’s boring and/or repetitive. But that wasn’t the question lol returning back to whatever my point was: I think at the very core of V/A attraction/dynamic/relationship is their frenzied, ardent (I would even say chaotic) attraction toward each other (but it’s still very much reality based and not nearly as Romantic [with the capital R, aka the Literary Movement] as I make it out to be). It was that same element that led them to kiss in the closet when they both tried to fight it at first, and both very well knew it wasn’t the best idea at the moment. 

I think that’s what so many people misunderstand as ‘lust’ in their relationship. The physical element is definitely there, I agree. They have always gravitated toward each other, in both a physical level but also in emotional level: they spent episode 2 till epi 10 being friends, getting to know each other emotionally without any incentive or prospect of them being romantic in the near future (he was dating someone else between episode 6-9 and she kind of put the breaks on him at the end of episode 1 so the chances of romance was very slim back then). So the time they spent being friends was genuine friendship …. and I think I’m going off track .. I think, i don’t know. (i’m a mess)

A big part of their relationship relies on the fact that they just gravitate toward each other. I often describe their relationship as them having to “rein it back in” rather than having to “nurture it up.” Thats why, I personally think, they are making out so often and having more heated moments compared to the other couples. So I think their compatibility definitely relies on the fact that they are just crazy for each other. I mean, c’mon, in 2.05 they always had their hands on each other no matter the moment. They are very different as individuals, absolutely, but the fact that they are so crazy about each other makes it so easy to overlook many differences. 

As for a less abstract explanation, I think Veronica suits him because she has so much patience with him. She’s attracted to his trusting, kind nature; like she said in episode 2.04, she loves how earnest he is. Veronica probably never had that in NYC where everyone just wanted to climb the social hierarchy. So specially for Veronica, a person who wants to reform herself and become a better and nicer person, someone like Archie is probably so attractive. And I think thats the reason why she’s so patient with him. As for Archie, as someone who is so naive and impressionable, I think Veronica suits him because she’s clever as a fox, and blunt. She tells him what he needs to hear often, whether its the ugly truth, or word of advice, etc. She just tells him the truth. Not to mention, Archie often pushes people away but Veronica is very resilient (example: when she refused to leave during their fight 2.01). So … yeah. 

Does this even make sense? lol I feel like I rambled a lot

#ask #anon #answered