#this is when ben's like 'im engaged! im engaged!' and he looks so happy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

unlikelymilkshakedream · 3 years

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A/n: sorry this took a little longer than usual, I had a huge project for one of my classes that was the only thing on my mind for like a week. Here is part 2 to the charlie weasley story I made a while ago. Hope you enjoy!

**Flash forwards 7 months to the week before valentines day**

Love was thick in the air at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry the week before valentines day, not only were people excited to spend the day with their loved ones, but the big school dance was atop everyone's minds.

It was no different for Y/N Y/L/N and Charlie Weasley. The couple was now into their 7th month of dating and they were absolutely head over heels for each other, let alone in the time of valentines day.

In the 7 months they've been together, they of course got to all the things couples do. Sneaking around at 2am, stealing kisses in the hallways between classes, driving their friends up a wall because they couldn't stop fawning over each other, you name it.

Their friend sof course, were beyond happy for them, seeing as they were placing bets on if this year would finally be the year they go together, (of course, Barnaby had lost.)

Now coming up on valentines day, you could guess they already had a date planned.

"Y/n?" Charlie said one afternoon on their way to charms class.

"Yes charlie?" She said with the biggest grin on her face.

"I was just wondering what color my tie should be so it can match your dress at the dance." He said with that mischievous smirk.

"Hmm, I didn't know i was going to the dance, no one has asked me yet." She said looking around for someone who wasn't there.

"Ahh, fantastic! Then there won't be any competition." Charlie said as he magically pulled flowers from behind his back. "Y/n y/l/n, would you do my the honors and go to the valentines day dance with me?" He bent down as if he was curtsying.

"Why yes charlie weasley, I would love to." He stands up and kisses her cheek just as they hear a round of applause. Both turning find their friends, Penny, Rowan, Ben and Andre standing down the corridor from them.

"Congrats guys, now come on, we don't want to be late." Rowan exclaims. The couple laughs and pecks each other's lips, heading off in the direction of their class.

As y/n sits down next to her best friend Rowan, she feels a nudge in her ribs. "What Rowan?"

"Will you go to hogsmeade with me Penny, and tonks later? I'm pretty sure we're going to buy dresses. It could be a fun girls day."

"Of course Rowan, I would love to." She says with a huge grin on her face. She turns to charlie, who is talking with Ben.

"Well charlie, I known dragons are fascinating to you, but to me, I can't imagine a more terrifying things." She laughs interrupting their conversation.

"Well ben, I promise you charlie would not let one harm you." She turns towards charlie. "Hey im gonna go to hogsmeade with the girls tomorrow." He smiles

"Okay, I'll miss you." She laughs.

"Charlie ill be gone for a few hours. You'll be fine." He sighs but agrees.

The next day, y/n, tonks, Penny, and Rowan are making their way down to the village, intending on heading to the dress shop, when a snowball comes flying at tonks head. Everyone stops and turns to see Andre, Ben, Barnaby and Bill picking up snow.

The girls laugh it off and pick snow up as well, engaging in a snowball fight that the girls are clearly winning. Y/n throws one directly and Barnabys head which hits him dead in the face signaling the defeat of the boys with a tremendous roar of laughter.

As the girls say goodbye to the boys and make their way into the dress shop, to the dislike of the owner since they were wet from the snow, they are all having great times.

"I don't think I've ever seen Barnaby that shocked since when you hit him y/n." Tonks say with a roar of laughter. She laughs.

"Yeah, he didn't know what was coming ro him." They all laugh together.

"Hello ladies, what are we shopping for today?" The owner comes over and looks at the group of girls.

"Well, we would all like to purchase dresses for an upcoming ball, preferably color coordinated, although maybe not y/n since she of course has to match with her date." Penny explains with a smirk in y/n's direction.

"I see, well what colors would you like?" The women asks the girls.

"Well for me, I think red would be the best option, since charlies favorite color is red. Do you have a burgundy or wine color dress?" Y/n finishes as the owner smiles and goes to the back to look.

"Of course, charlie would love to see you in burgundy, although, I bet he already has seen more than that." Penny says with a huge smirk on her face. She of course is talking about the 2am adventure y/n and charlie took an abandoned corridor, and did some things... (ill stop there so not every single piece of mine is smut;)

Y/ns cheeks turn a deep shade of red as the owner comes back with multiple dresses to try on. A few hours later, the girls were satisfied with their purchases, y/n choosing a beautiful burgundy dress that extenuated her figure nicely, and her friends with blue dresses that all looked amazing on them.

When they got back to the castle, they went to their common rooms and decided to get some rest, as it was quite late, considering they took forever to try on dresses.

The next morning, y/n met charlie in the common room and they walked to breakfast together.

"So, you never answered my question a couple days ago." Charlie started. "What color tie shall I be wearing?" He said with a grin.

Y/n laughed at that. "I won't reveal too much, but I would go with a dark red to match my drop dead gorgeous dress." He laughed

"Ooh I can't wait." They held as hands as they walked into breakfast.

The morning of the dance was filled with sunshine through y/n's window. It was a Saturday and she was going to get ready with her friends for the ball the evening.

She started the day by getting breakfast and listening to her favorite songs. By nightfall, she was with all her friends, getting ready to have charlie drooling over her.

"Y/n, show us your beautiful dress." She went into the changing room and got on her dress, which looked amazing with her curled hair. She walked out and everyone turned to her.

"Holy shit y/n/n, you look amazing." She giggled, "thanks Rowan. Come on everyone get dressed so we can go to this thing." Within an hour everyone was making their way downstairs at 7:30pm as the dance started at 8pm.

When all the girls were downstairs at the entrance of the ball, y/n got nervous.

"Y/n, what's wrong?" Rowan asked her best friend as she had yet to enter the hall.

"I don't know Rowan, i just, what if charlie doesn't like it? What if I fall on my face like an idiot, what if-"

"Hey, hey, hey, just take a deep breathe, okay? Girl you look so beautiful you don't even know, charlie is so in love with you that he is going to think you look good no matter what. You're beautiful and you don't need to stress like this. Okay? Come on." Y/n smiled at her.

"Thanks Rowan, you're the best friend ever." They hugged and y/n entered the hall, all eyes turning towards her and Rowan. Charlies mouth dropped open and bill had to quickly shut if for him. Y/n giggled at that as she made her way over to him.

"Y/n, you look, amazing." Charlie smiled. "Thank you, you don't look too bad yourself red." He offered you his arm and you took it. Walking into the dance with Charlie, you felt such euphoria, you were with all of your friends and your boyfriend, it was the perfect night.

"Y/n, may I have this dance?" Charlie asked, standing from the table where his friends sat.

"Ah, such a gentleman. Of course charlie." She smiled at her friends as they waved.

As the couple took their place on the dance floor, they felt so in love with each other.

"You look so beautiful tonight y/n, I love this dress on you." She giggled.

"Thank you charlie, you look dashing as well." She said as she leaned in to kiss him, which he reciprocated almost immediately.

"Wow, y/n, that was,"

"Amazing." The two moved closer to each other as they danced, her head on his shoulder.

"I love you y/n." She froze in her place. He felt it and pulled away. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, we're so young and i-" he didn't get to finish as she pulled him for a kiss.

"Its okay charlie, I love you too." He smiled as they continued dancing, into the most perfect night ever.

A/n: okay, this one is not as good as the first, sorry! But I hope you liked it, I think it's cute. Warning, next chapter there will be ANGST!heart break and sadness lies ahead lol. Please let me know what you thinked of this chapter, it means a lot to me <3

#charlie weasley #charlie weasley x reader #charlie weasley x mc #charlie weasley fluff #charlie weasley imagine #hphm mc #hphm au #barnaby lee #nymphadora tonks #penny haywood #rowan khanna #bill weasley

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illfoandillfie · 3 years

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5 Simple Rules for a Successful Relationship: Blurb

This wasn’t requested by anyone but the idea has been kicking around my head basically since I wrote the Ben POV chapter

Warnings for fluff and smut but it’s all very soft

5 Simple Rules Series Masterlist

Blurb Advent Day 1

Taglist since it’s part of a series: @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @taron-egrotten @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies

@coni-martina @hardforbenhardy @cubedtriangle @vicouscirce @arianabrashierstuff @pattieboydwannabe @maggieroseevans @theprettyandthereckless @friccinfricks

Ben had it all planned out. He’d known how he was going to ask for a while, before he’d even picked out the ring. But, so far, he hadn’t been able to put his plan into action. As much as he wanted to ask it never quite felt like the right time. There was always something going on, somewhere to be – work or dinner with friends or general errands to sort out. But he knew how he wanted it to happen. He’d cook dinner, your favourite meal of course, followed by dessert made from scratch, really bring out the big guns. Afterwards he’d put on some music, a playlist of love songs he’d been adding to for months now, maybe ask you to dance. It was a little corny but sometimes corny was okay. Later on he’d pop into the kitchen and pull out your two mugs and place the ring in the bottom of yours before returning to the couch to sit with you. And then, at the usual time, he’d say he could really go with a hot drink before bed. He knew you’d volunteer to make them since he’d made dinner so he’d wait for you to leave the room before following. He’d listen for the gasp of surprise when you checked the mugs and saw the ring. That would be his cue to step into the room and get down on one knee and ask you to marry him. He had the speech ready to go too, knew what he wanted to say. How fast he’d fallen for you, how glad he was you were with him, how much he loved you.

Thinking about actually popping the question made Ben nervous. But the good kind of nervous. Of course the topic of weddings and marriage had come up before, abstractly. It was nearly unavoidable when his mum would not-so-subtly check for an engagement ring every time you visited, and then even less so when Gwilym got engaged and invited you both to the party. So he’d asked you about it, whether you had ever considered the whole settling down thing – marriage, kids, white picket fence, the lot. He was pleased to find out you liked the idea, had even imagined what the future might be like with him. The only thing you didn’t want was a public proposal which Ben fully supported. After all the attention you’d received as a result of the relationship, all the magazine articles and snapped photos while you were just trying to buy milk and bread, it felt wrong to voluntarily make such a private situation public. Ben was sure you’d be asked about it in future interviews and on social media and he wouldn’t mind sharing the story then, after he was sure you’d say yes. He had no reason to believe you wouldn’t but there was always that slight uncertainty, that intrusive doubt that made him wonder if you’d just tell him to bugger off instead. He found comfort in the plan though. Knowing exactly what he would do was reassuring. But even the best laid plans weren’t guaranteed.

Ben’s actual proposal caught him off guard as much as it did you. It was early on a Saturday, sometime between two and three. Usually you’d both be fast asleep but instead you were stumbling into the house, lit only by the grey light of the morning. You hadn’t meant to stay at the afterparty for so long but people kept handing you drinks and drawing you into conversations and music was still pumping through the speakers and before you knew it five more minutes had become a couple of extra hours. Ben emptied his pockets onto the hall stand as he watched you lean against the front door and kick off your shoes. He couldn’t resist catching you in a quick kiss before he wrapped his arm around you with a soft, “C’mon cuddle bunny,” and lead you towards the bathroom. Both of you set about brushing teeth and washing faces and changing into pyjamas. He chuckled as he watched you extract an almost obscene amount of bobby pins from your hair before you retied it to sleep in. But, even after everything was done and you’d both climbed under the covers, sleep didn’t come. Ben, eyes closed in an attempt to trick sleep into taking him, felt you move under his arm and peeked through his lashes to find you facing him.

“You okay?” His voice was hushed though there was no real need and when you responded yours was too.“Yeah just not really tired,” “Me neither,” “Do you wanna…?” “Now?” “Well just lying here waiting to drop off is a bit boring but I also don’t really feel like getting up,” “Alright then, why not.” “If you fall asleep half way through I won’t hold it against you,” “Shut up and take your pants off,” Ben laughed, already wriggling out of his. “You just didn’t sound very enthusiastic,” “I am always enthusiastic about this,” Ben forgot everything else he might have said as you pulled him into a kiss.

The sex itself was okay. Nothing special really. You’d had better sex plenty of other times, though you’d also had worse. The best way to describe it was fine. It wasn’t mind blowing but it was comfortable and reliable and fine. Ben felt a little clumsy as he kissed you back, his hand roaming over your side and down to your arse. He supposed the dark of the room and the drinks you’d both put down over the course of the night were having an impact, but, by the way you giggled against his lips, it seemed you found it cute more than anything else. To compensate for his inelegant fingers, Ben moved slowly, enjoying kissing you as much as he could. He hummed when you slid your hand down between your bodies and found his dick, stroking it unhurriedly. There wasn’t a need to go faster, no built up passion to release. The sex was a way to kill some time. Even when you hooked your leg over his and he sank into you, nothing really changed. But Ben knew what you liked and did his best to hit those spots as he wrapped his arms around you and kissed you again. He decided he must be doing something right based off the small keening noises you made. All the same he didn’t expect your next outburst, said softly right against his lips.

“God Ben, I want you inside me forever,” It slipped out before he could second guess himself, “Then marry me,” “What?” Ben paused his movement, not totally sure he’d actually said it until he drew back enough to look at you and saw the stunned expression you wore. His heart pounded as he realised this was it, this was the moment, “Might be easier to do that if we’re married is all. So, will you? Will you marry me?” It took a few moments for the question to sink in but once it had you nodded in agreement. You felt the same. “Yes?” “Yes.” “Yeah? You’ll marry me?” “Yes, yes, I’ll marry you,” Ben broke out into a grin and swept you into another kiss though he cut it off abruptly, “Wait, hold on,” somewhat ungracefully Ben pulled out of you and rolled out of the bed, switching on a lamp and heading over to his chest of draws. He dug around in one for a moment before he pulled out a small box which he brought back to the bed. Kneeling in front of you, he popped the box open to show you the ring before taking it and sliding it onto your finger.

You couldn’t help but stare, holding you hand out in front of you to see how it looked. It was beautiful, not too over the top but not exactly understated either, and it fit perfectly. When you raised you eyes back to Ben’s face you noticed his eyes glistening. “I love it Ben, I love you,” “I love you too Y/N,” he whispered back, kissing you again and laying you back down.

As Ben sank back into you, you placed your hand on his chest, picking up his body heat except where the cool metal of the ring lay. You could feel his heart beating under your palm as he rolled his hips against you, trying to finish what you’d started. It took a little while longer, though things moved less slowly than they had before the interruption of the proposal. Ben dropped his fingers to your clit as he felt you getting closer, drawing gentle circles until the warm wave rolled through you, pulling a soft sigh from your lips. He kept his fingers there as if to try to give you another orgasm, maybe one not quite so soft, but you pulled his hand away, linking his fingers with yours as you kissed his throat and encouraged him to finish too. It didn’t matter that your orgasm hadn’t been particularly powerful. All that mattered was that Ben was with you and he always would be.

Afterwards you curled up, leaning your head on Ben’s chest, his arm around you. He sighed contentedly and kissed the top of your head. “So much for sleeping,” he chuckled. “What we did was better than sleep,” “Definitely. And if we hold out for a little longer we could watch the sunrise,” “I don’t know if I’ll last that long,” “No, me neither. It’d be nice though,” You agreed and lapsed into a comfortable silence. And then a thought struck you, “You know, we’re going to need a cover story,” “What?” “People are going to want to hear the story of how you proposed. Felicity, Joe, Gwil, the rest of our friends, our families, not to mention paparazzi and the press, they’ll all ask.” “Fuck.” “So you don’t want to look your mother in the eye and explain it happened mid shag either? Good to know we’re on the same page,” Ben laughed, “Funnily enough, that was very unplanned. I had something much more romantic and better prepared in mind when I thought about how I’d do it. A whole big speech about you being the love of my life and how I want to spend every day of my life making you feel happy and safe and loved,” “Go on then, what was it,” Ben explained his original idea, about the dinner and the mugs, all the while playing with your fingers as if he didn’t want to break contact. “That does sound wonderful, but I have to admit, I really love how it actually happened,” “Me too,” he laughed, “But that’s good. Because now we have a story to tell everyone and a slightly more accurate story just for ourselves.”

#my writing #my blurbs #blurb advent 2020 #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy smut #smut blurb

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sunsetsover · 3 years

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Just hopping on the anons last week who said they'd done reading around BPD and Ben etc after reading your posts to say... when Whitney told Ben he makes everything about himself in this week's eps I immediately thought of you! Like lemme explain lmao I remember last year you wrote about how lots of fans said Ben was making everything about him when him and Callum had that argument about the warehouse job in Sept.? And you wrote about how you viewed it and how looking at Ben through a lense of mh goes a different interpretation etc. Idk Whitney saying that just made me recall your thoughts on the fandom saying the same thing lmao.

(although tbh I didn't think Whitney was v fair saying that anyway bc how was he meant to know Callum had witnessed a stabbing etc?? He wasn't making it about himself he was simply worrying about the info he had access to???)

no joke i literally thought the exact same thing after i watched it yesterday. not the post (tho i do remember what you're talking about!) but i was like 'oh ben's behaviour is VERY bpd' like probably the most obvious example we've had since 2019 maybe and then i was like man.... how many people are going to have Bad Takes abt ben's behaviour and how he's 'selfish' and then i was thinking abt what whit said and it reminded me of something i heard once and i've tried to find it but i can't and i'm gutted bc it made so much sense but it was abt how bpd are often viewed as selfish or making everything abt us but we do that bc we literally feel like everything IS because of us/our fault. it's literally a Symptom. like when you're hypersensitive and terrified of everyone abandoning you EVERYTHING feels personal.

like someone's in a bad mood? clearly i have done something to put them in a bad mood. someone doesn't reply? clearly they hate me. you smile at someone in public and they don't smile back? clearly they can sense something is Wrong with me and didn't want to engage. either that or they think i'm hideously ugly. that's the default assumption, that it's somehow something to do with me. not that they're going thru their own shit or that they're busy or tired. and then when we're talking abt someone you're close too, the fear of abandonment comes into play where you either start to push them away bc you're convinced they're gonna leave anyway or frantically do things or change things to help convince them to stay, and both of these can go very extreme. and ofc it's not logical but we can't help it. i'm always saying this to people in my life: i know how i'm feeling/what i'm doing isn't logical and it doesn't make sense, but i literally can't help it. it's like the sensible you is locked in the back of your brain forced to witness all of your own bs but they're literally powerless to do anything about it.

which is also why i can understand under the hysteria of your own fear of abandonment and hypersensitivity why ben could convince himself callum was gonna leave him for whitney. like ofc i get why ppl would find that unrealistic and offensive, but i can't NOT see him as bpd, and when you have bpd that fear of abandonment is so so incredibly pervasive that you start thinking things like that and convince yourself that they're real. like you genuinely believe them. and someone of sound mind is like 'that doesn't make any sense, he's gay' but like.... that almost is irrelevant to a certain degree. your own belief that you're so unlovable and that everyone is going to leave you holds SO much weight in your mind, more than even reality itself.

like you could almost compare it to hallucination. reality and logic dictates that it's impossible for there to be a man crawling on the ceiling, but if you can see it and hear it and feel it then ofc you're going to believe it's real. reality and logic become irrelevant bc you KNOW it's there, even though it isn't, u know? it's the same kind of thing: reality says ofc callum isn't gonna propose to whitney when he's married and literally gay, but that all-consuming fear of abandonment is so much louder when it says 'he's lying, he's sneaking around w his ex, he's not talking to you about anything, he's got a ring, ofc he's gonna propose to her, she didn't ask him to quit his job or force him into a position where he had to lie for months, ofc he was gonna leave, he just married you out of pity, this is all your fault, you don't deserve happiness or love bc you're a bad person lmao what did you even expect?' etc u know

if i'm being completely honest if i were in ben's shoes i could EASILY see myself being convinced my gay partner is gonna leave me for their ex of the opposite sex. like worryingly easily. and tbh between that and what was going on with kheerat, i actually think he coped surprisingly well. like i genuinely thought that yesterday that if i was in his situation i probably would have reacted much worse and been in much worse a state than he was. and i'm not just saying that, i think his growth since 2019 is obvious in how tame his reaction to it all was tbh.

i realize probably no one will bother but if anyone really is interested and wants to understand more then u should watch this video. i've timestamped it at the first point bc if nothing else u should listen to that bc it helps explain what i've said in a much better way esp the example abt clearing out the garage but the whole video is really good and i would love for some ppl to watch it. like i know it's half hour and that's a long time and also the interviewer is obnoxious and p insensitive but the doctor herself is really good and explains everything i've been trying to explain in a MUCH better way than i ever could and i think it will really help you understand what it's like to be someone bpd and what it actually means for day to day life

like i realize i've completely gone off on one w this and im sorry but i have opinions and i just want people to understand you know?? not necessarily for ben as a character but for all the ppl out there w bpd bc !!!! no one gives a fuck abt us they just misunderstand us and then do literally nothing to try and understand us when we try to explain ourselves so to have ppl actually engaging in this dialogue w me makes me very excited and i try to explain as much as i can while i have the opportunity u know lmao so i very much appreciate you and getting messages like this thank you 💞💞💞

#anon #question #like !!!!! i just have a lot to say !!!!!! im sorry !!!!

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megalony · 4 years

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Family of six

This is a new murderer! Ben Hardy series I am going to be working on which I hope you will all enjoy, I know I have quite a few series on the go at the moment but I like to keep switching between them.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod

Murderer! Ben masterlist

Series masterlist

Summary: Ben and (Y/n) have a son together and are pregnant again but things take a worrisome turn when (Y/n) develops severe morning sickness and they find out they’re having triplets.

Enjoy.

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"Buddy, why aren't you at preschool?" Surprise filled Ben's dark sea-green eyes the moment he stepped through the door and was bombarded by his five-year-old attaching himself to Ben's legs.

Ben's words came across as confused and rather authoritiative but his tone made no difference to the little boy clinging to him. Billy was more than familiar with Ben's tones of voice, he knew which tone meant Ben was actually mad at him and which ones meant Ben wasn't angry and was just talking normally. And Billy was also familiar with the unusually sweet tones Ben sometimes had when he felt like being endearing.

He didn't mean to come across as anything but caring and concerned for his son but Ben wasn't expecting to come home and find Billy still here. He should be at preschool until three o'clock when Ben was meant to go and pick him up, he shouldn't be at home right now.

Ben had come home specifically for the reason that he and (Y/n) were going to their first scan for their second pregnancy. (Y/n) was supposed to take Billy to preschool this morning like she did every morning before going to work, although she wasn't working today.

"Mummy's in bed, she's been sick."

"Oh dear. Alright, you go play and I'll go see how your mum's doing." Ben leaned down and hooked his hands under Billy's arms when the five-year-old was reluctant to let go of Ben. Billy hadn't gotten to see Ben all that much for the past week, Ben left for work before Billy got up and on quite a few days he was back after Billy went to bed or just before so he didn't see him very much.

The club took up a lot of Ben's time because he had to make sure it ran smoothly. The front of the club had to be perfect and exact as not to raise suspicion about the dodgy dealings Ben had going on behind closed doors. The dodgy side of the business also had to be carried out in specific and exact ways so that no slip-ups happened and they didn't get caught.

But Ben always did his best to balance out his family life and his work because as much as he had to be at the club to make sure it was functioning and working in the right way, he had to be at home with his family too. (Y/n) and Billy were Ben's world and since the moment Billy was born, Ben had made sure to always try and be there. Billy had flipped a switch in Ben's mind since he was born, whenever Ben was at the club for too long or there every day of the week he would get stressed and annoyed in case he was missing out on something in Billy's life. He didn't want to miss anything, he wanted to be there and be involved and since Billy was so attached to Ben it made it harder for Ben to be away from him.

"Come on buddy I gotta go see your mum."

"Then can we have dinner?"

Ben looked to his watch before looking back at Billy with a smile, Ben had the rest of the day off anyway and even though he was rather good at cooking, he could never be bothered to take the time to do it.

"I'll go and make sure your mum's okay and then we'll head out somewhere for dinner, okay?"

He kissed the top of Billy's head when he giggled in agreement before effortlessly picked Billy up, swaying him side to side as he walked through into the back room and set Billy down on the floor where he had his toys scattered about. Billy preferred the back room to play in and watch tv rather than the lounge, it was a room he could play in and make a mess. The lounge was a room that (Y/n) liked to try and keep tidy and neat in case they had people over.

Ben dumped his keys from his pocket down on the table near the stairs before he headed up to go and check on (Y/n). He knew she hadn't been very well for the past two weeks, morning sickness seemed to suddenly hit her like a train and hadn't made things easy for her. It was unnerving for Ben whenever (Y/n) was ill or in pain because they were things he couldn't control and that made him angry. He liked control over situations especially when it came to (Y/n) because he wanted to make her happy and when she was ill he couldn't make her better.

When they had Billy (Y/n) had next to no morning sickness at all and other than the birth the pregnancy had been rather smooth sailing and Ben liked that. He liked that there was no problems or worries with (Y/n) or Billy.

Heading up the stairs, Ben made his way into his and (Y/n)'s room and he bit his lip when he looked around the room for a moment. The pillows and the covers on the bed were strewn about, the sick bucket was left in the middle of the bed and there were tissues, tablets and a glass of water on the side table.

"Baby? You in here?" Ben cautiously opened the door to the adjoining bathroom and leaned his head round to see if (Y/n) was in there. She had been asleep this morning when he left for work but she hadn't been sick through the night and she seemed fine and settled last night and this morning.

Taking a deep breath, Ben curled his fingers into his palms to stop himself from frowning or sighing when he looked at his wife.

(Y/n) was kneeling on the floor in front of the toilet with her arms folded over the toilet and her forehead resting on her arms. She looked like she had or was about to pass out then and there and Ben could see the way her stomach was constantly sucking in and her throat muscles were straining like she was trying to stop from gagging.

She was wearing her pyjama shorts and her bra, her night shirt was crumpled up on the floor so Ben guessed she had been sick down her shirt. And her hair was scrunched up into a loose knot on her head with strands hanging loose all around her features.

"Fucking hell baby, why didn't you call me and say you were this sick?" Ben wasted no time in kneeling down next to (Y/n) and gently moving her hair behind her ear so he could see her better. If she had called and said she was this sick Ben would have come back sooner to take care of her and either take Billy to preschool or look after them both. He didn't like the thought of (Y/n) being as ill as this and suffering on her own thinking that she couldn't bother him when he was at work. Ben thought he had drilled it into her head by now that she and Billy were more important than anything else.

He could see now why Billy was still at home, if (Y/n) was this sick and couldn't take Billy to preschool and Ben was at work there weren't many people (Y/n) could call on for help. She wouldn't want to bother her friends, she had no contact with her family after they found out she was engaged to Ben and his family were an hour away so they couldn't help either.

It was one of the reasons Ben was so determined in making sure (Y/n) and Billy and the rest of the world knew how much he loved them. Her family hated Ben and what he did and he wanted to show them that he would never hurt (Y/n) or their son and that she was looked after and doing what she wanted with her life.

"Y-you were at work."

(Y/n) rubbed her shaking hand over her forehead, feeling the sweat clinging to her skin even though she was starting to tremble against the cold air of the bathroom. She knew how badly Ben liked the club to be running perfectly and have everything in order and he had already taken the afternoon off for the scan. There was no way (Y/n) was dragging him away in the morning as well when she could just keep Billy at home with her. Ben couldn't do very much at the moment for her anyway.

"Don't pull that one, if you or Billy are sick and I'm at the club you call me. Now I think seeing the midwife would be a good idea for you but I doubt we'd get you there when you're like this."

There was no chance or time for (Y/n) to respond before she had to look away from Ben and hover her face over the rim of the toilet, snapping her eyes closed as she choked and gagged. All morning she had been either throwing up, cradling her stomach or slumped in front of the toilet wondering if she was going to be sick or not. There was nothing left in her system to throw up but her stomach was still trying to force out the sips of water she had earlier and the bile left behind.

(Y/n) had barely managed to make Billy breakfast and she felt so bad that he was sat playing downstairs whilst she had to stay up here. She knew that if she went downstairs she would be stuck in the downstairs toilet which wasn't very big and she could never get herself back upstairs with the way she was feeling.

It seemed like a good idea to go to the scan today because then the midwife could check (Y/n) over and maybe prescribe her something to take. But Ben was sure that if he tried to take her they would only have to keep stopping for her to be sick and she looked like she was about to faint. She was in no fit state to go for a scan or talk to a midwife or doctor.

"I can't go, I- I don't feel well enough." (Y/n) closed her eyes and leaned her head on Ben's shoulder. All she wanted to do was go back to sleep and hope that it made her feel better than this.

When she felt Ben's arms curling around her shaking form it made her feel ever so slightly more at ease but she could feel how he was trying hard not to tense when holding her because he didn't like how sick she was.

"It's alright I'll call and get another appointment, but I think right now you need to go back to bed."

Ben didn't like the way that (Y/n) had next to no energy left to move, it showed just how bad she felt and how sick she was when she just let Ben slowly lift her to her feet and hold her weight when she looked like she was made of jelly. Ben moved his left arm so it was wrapped around (Y/n)'s waist and his other arm went around her front just in case she fell or stumbled since she didn't look very stable on her feet right now.

Her head fell onto Ben's shoulder and her feet scuffed against the floor when Ben slowly walked her through into the bedroom. The moment Ben sat (Y/n) down on the bed he noticed she looked like a doll or a puppet, swaying and having limp muscles like she was waiting to be controlled by a puppet master.

"I'm gonna go down and get Billy something to eat... I think it'd be worth you trying to have a biscuit or something in an hour or so. You gonna be okay if I head down?"

It wouldn't be a good idea for (Y/n) to have anything to eat now since she was still throwing up and gagging. But Ben knew her not eating anything wasn't going to help her very much, especially since for the past two weeks she had barely managed one meal a day. That wasn't good for her health in general and especially not since she was pregnant. Soup or biscuits might be easier on her stomach and be something she could hold down.

Ben rested his hands either side of (Y/n)'s shoulders and leaned over her when she laid down. Her eyes were half-lidded as she looked up at him but she managed a smile and a nod in response. She knew well enough to know that Ben would be back up to see her soon anyway, he wasn't leaving her alone for very long unless she was asleep.

He smoothed his thumb over her cheek and kissed her temple lovingly before he left the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"That's your second glass in half an hour, take it easy." Ben leaned his head to the side and spoke in a calm but slightly cautious manner that (Y/n) knew all too well. He didn't want to be demanding or controlling or sound rude but he couldn't help the look he was giving her right now.

(Y/n) had practically downed a full glass of orange juice in one go and was now taking large gulps of another glass. If she did that she would most likely throw it up again because she wasn't keeping anything down. Ben made her soup yesterday and she threw it up, she couldn't hold down two biscuits in the evening or a drink of water last night. She had orange juice all day today in little sips but she was suddenly so thirsty and it felt nice to have something other than water.

"I'm dry, and the baby likes it." (Y/n) swirled her finger around the rim for a moment, knowing she shouldn't down it when it was the most she had drank and managed to keep down in the past two days. Her throat felt like the desert especially with how much she was being sick but the cold drink was soothing and it was easier to drink than little sips of water.

"If you throw all that up your throat's gonna burn like a bitch cause orange has a lot of acid in it."

(Y/n) looked down at her glass for a moment before sighing and looking back up at Ben who was perched on the edge of the bed next to her legs. She knew he was right but she didn't feel sick right now, she had eaten a few biscuits today and had kept them down so far without feeling like she was going to collapse or like her stomach was constantly churning.

"And don't worry about the morning, I'm taking Billy to preschool."

"Are you going straight to the club when you drop him off then?" (Y/n) took a small sip of her juice to try and see if it would make her throat feel less dry and scratchy as she looked over at her husband. She knew Ben's routine and he always went to the club to get there for half seven in the morning to get the place up and running since it opened at eight. But Billy was at preschool from nine until three and (Y/n) doubted Ben would go to the club, come back home to get Billy then go to the club again.

"I'm off to the club in the afternoon, I'm gonna do half days for the next few weeks."

"Ben no-"

"I'm not doing ten or twelve hour shifts when you're sick like this, I wanna be home so I can help you and look after Billy." There was no way Ben was going to keep going to the club every day and do long hours when he knew (Y/n) was ill at home and had to look after Billy. It wasn't fair and Ben owned the club, he could do whatever shifts he wanted and he had people he could put in charge for when he wasn't there.

"You don't like the way the place is when you're not there, it doesn't run smoothly and you know it."

"I'll sort it, I'll leave fucking instructions for them if I have to but I'm not leaving you like this. I'm gonna go put Billy to bed, try a biscuit too since the baby's clearly hungry."

(Y/n) knew she wasn't going to win the argument so she nodded, watching Ben leave the room with a certain smile on his lips because he knew he had won just like he always did. It wasn't as if he was trying to do something bad or wrong either and (Y/n) knew that, she just knew that Ben had a particular way of doing things at the club and he hated when his workers didn't follow his rules or examples or did something wrong. It was better at the club when he was there to oversee everything. But Ben would still be there most days of the week, just not for as long because he wanted to be home to look after Billy and make sure (Y/n) was okay.

"Okay buddy, you ready for bed?" Ben leaned against the wall when Billy came out of the bathroom with a tired smile and droopy eyes.

The little boy held his arms out to Ben who had a knowing smirk on his face as he rolled his eyes but indulged his son anyway and leaned down to pick him up. He settled Billy on his hip and walked down the hall to Billy's room, Ben liked settling Billy to sleep because it never took long he wasn't a fussy child. Ben knew there were kids that took ages to fall asleep or liked the door open or the light on or couldn't get to sleep on their own.

Billy wasn't fussy at all, he got into bed had a night light on and just liked Ben or (Y/n) there for a few moments while he settled and got comfy then he fell asleep almost straight away.

"Can we go see uncle Joey tomorrow?" Billy smiled and tugged on Ben's arm when he settled the five year old down in bed and he wouldn't get go of Ben. With a smile, Ben sat down on the side of the bed and leaned over Billy who was still clinging to Ben's arm.

"Hmm I suppose we can do after preschool, he will be happy to see you." Ben carded his fingers through Billy's hair for a few moments to help settle and calm him. Joe worked for Ben but they were very close friends and Billy saw him as an uncle rather than just one of his dad's work friends. He was as close to Ben as if he were one of his brothers too.

Ben kept running his fingers through Billy's hair but the moment he was about to say something else he stopped himself when a noise caught his attention.

"Alright buddy, I'll get you up in the morning for preschool, I'm gonna go check on your mum now. Night buddy." He kissed Billy's forehead and looked to check that the lime green night light was on before he turned off the lamp and left the room. There was no mistaking that what Ben had heard was (Y/n) throwing up and considering she hadn't been sick since very early this morning he knew she wasn't going to be happy or very well.

Ben jogged back over to his and (Y/n)'s room and headed over to his side of the bed. He kneeled in the middle of the bed and moved his hands to hold (Y/n)'s hair away from her face as she was sat cross-legged on the bed leaning over the sick bucket.

He hated the way that when he rubbed his hand up and down her back he could feel her chest and her muscles constricting as she was barely breathing through her heaving. (Y/n) started to gasp and breathe deeper than Ben had heard before when she finally seemed to be able to breathe rather than just feel her throat muscles pushing together and closing off her airways.

(Y/n) spat into the bucket as she pressed her hand to her temple and closed her eyes to try and fight off the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes. "Baby... do you want some water, maybe some tablets?"

"T-the tablets are in there." (Y/n) swiped the back of her hand against her mouth before she moved the bucket further up the bed away from her. The way her lips frowned in distaste and the tears in her eyes told Ben she was not happy about this at all.

She had thrown up all the orange juice, the biscuits and the paracetamol she had taken two minutes ago. Nothing was staying down and she hated it. She hated more that she hadn't listened to Ben who was right, it felt so nice to have a proper drink and not feel queasy but now her throat was burning like it was on fire.

"I don't like this Ben, it was never like this with Billy." (Y/n) buried her face in Ben's chest when he moved his hands from her hair to wrap his arms around her and hold her to his chest.

"I know baby, and if you get any worse I'm taking you to the doctor. I'll get you some water though because I need you to keep some fluids down or we're off to the doctor tonight." Ben had managed to rebook their scan for next week but he didn't want to wait that long if (Y/n) didn't end up eating or drinking anything. This was bad for her and the baby and if she couldn't keep any fluids down at all then Ben would have to take her to the hospital.

Ben buried his face into (Y/n)'s hair and rubbed his hand up and down her waist as he felt her slowly calming down. He really hoped he wouldn't end up taking her to hospital, he had been praying that this pregnancy would be as smooth as Billy's had been.

#ben hardy #ben x reader #ben hardy imagine #murderer! ben #dad! ben #BoRhap #joe mazzello #pregnant! reader #family of six

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descendantofthesparrow · 4 years

Text

2 part Commission Work - Harry Hook x Reader - part 2 - the masked princess

commissioned by @musicarose

You sat sluggishly at your desk, the weekend had been harsh, your sister barging into your room constantly to rant about…well about you, but she didn’t know that.

And now apparently, Harry Hook was on the look for the masked girl who had run off before the reveal. And it hurt to hear your sister spit insults about you.

You thought Audrey had gotten better, but she still had work to do.

You stiffened as harry sat next to you, doing your best to not look at him, in fear of blushing heavily or blurting out the truth.

you wished you could tell him, but you were scared he wouldn’t like the girl under the mask and avoid you like everyone else did.

“good morning class! Today, we are going to start on a team project!” the class, including you groaned. “now, now it’s a simple research paper, im sure you can handle that, now I will be assigning you groups because SOME of you- “ the teacher eyed the students, who shrunk in their seats “like to exclude others so!”

The teacher took out the attendance sheet and went down the list, marking off as she grouped teams of two and three.

You looked to harry in the corner of your eye, he was just doodling on the edge of his paper. and as you looked closer, you saw your mask from the ball, on top of your hidden face.

‘hes drawing…me?’ you thought, feeling heat creep up your cheeks.

“mister hook and miss (whatever last name), you two will be partners” you jumped, yelping out as you hit your knee on the desk.

The class turned to you, laughter in their eyes, you blushed and looked away. You didn’t see harry glare back and knock his fist harshly against his desk, the class flinched and turned back to the front.

You zoned out the rest of the class, your foot tapping on the ground constantly.

Someone poked your shoulder, making you squeak and turn to them. “uh-uh hi?” Harry chuckled and gave you a soft smile and an eyebrow raise.

“hi luve, im harry, Harry Hook, and yeh are?” he held out his hand, you gently grasped it, mind flashing back to when he kissed the back of your hand.

You shook hands, a blush clear on your face “im-im (y/n)” harry nodded, releasing your hand and leaning back in his chair.

“I've seen yeh before, but I don’t know where?” you sighed, shoulders slagging down.

“im-im audreys little sister” harry nodded slowly, then shook his head.

“no I think I've seen yeh somewhere else…” you froze, hands clenched in your lap. He snapped his fingers and pointed at you “oh, at the engagement party!” you breathed a sigh of relief, then paused.

“wait, I was only there for like- five minutes, and then I left?” Harry shrugged.

“im good at remembering faces” he laughed, it was odd, just like the night of the ball, you had become easily comfortable with him.

“well, I kinda zoned out on the topic?” you gave a vague gesture to him, he snorted and shook his head.

“no specific topic, we just gotta research somethin’” you hummed and tapped your desk.

“how bout…pirates? Since that would be something we're both interested in?” Harry sat up straight and looked at you surprised.

“yer interested in pirates?” you nodded eagerly and tapped your hands on your thighs.

“yeah! When I was a kid I would sneak off to the library and look for stories and books with pirates in them, my dad and grandparents didn’t really like it but my mom always encouraged me to keep learning, no matter what topic it was- sorry im rambling”

You shyly ended, rubbing the back of your neck, harry frowned, reaching out and cupping your cheek "someones told yeh that yeh talk too much, who?”

Oyu paused, looking at his wrist “u-uh-aud-aud-“ Harry let out a low sigh.

“yer sister, she's a nasty one, any tips ta get ‘er ta leave me alone?” you blinked surprised, leaning away from his hand.

“you-you want her to leave you alone?” harry swallowed harshly and rubbed his arm.

“she- shes not really…personally aware? And she makes me uncomfortable and its obvious that she only likes my face n crap”

You locked your jaw and furrowed your brows “and here I thought she learned from ben, ill see what I can do”

Harry softly smiled and nodded “thanks lass” the bell finally rang, the teacher calling the end of the team quite time and dismissing the class.

“the paper is due next month on the second! Have a good rest of your day!”

You stood from your desk, stuffing all your books and notes in your bag.

“So lass, well meet up at lunch alright?” you whipped around to look at Harry, who was smiling at you. “is tha’ okay” he frowned slightly, realizing he might have made you uncomfortable.

“no, no! it's okay, just didn’t expect that….no one usually willingly hangs out with me after…audreys stunt” harry looked offended and wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

“well, im changing that today, yer gonna met meh friends uma n gil alright? You’ll love em, after all” he grinned down at you “we’re pirates” he teased.

You blushed and looked away, though you didn’t remove his arm.

“Hey by the way” you looked back at him “do yeh know that masked girl from the masquerade ball? The one that was in that blue ombre dress?” you slowly shook your head.

“no, i-I didn’t go” Harry sighed, his shoulders slumping.

“Alright…”

You did your best to ignore his face and the tone of his voice.

Well…uma knew who you were, she had immediately reconsigned your voice and had pulled you into a corner and told you.

She didn’t tell Harry thankfully or force you to tell him, she took one look at you and knew you were scared of what would happen.

So she left that alone and became a friend.

So as the date of the research paper drew closer, you and harry were around each other more often than not. And honestly? Even if you didn’t like him all to hell and back you would have been very happy to have a friend like him.

He had legit swore at a group of kids who were whispering about you and trying to tell him to avoid you.

You were invited to crew nights at Umas dorm, eating breakfast lunch and dinner with Harry, Uma, and Gil.

You were finally breaking out of your little shell, and beginning to not care about what all the other students thought.

You still couldn’t bear the thought of telling harry you were the masked girl, you knew he would be disappointed.

Though one day, when you had to study for the paper in your private dorm room because of the rain outside and the library being closed.

Harry was bored and starting doing….Harry things and poking around your room as he waited for you to return with the books you left in your locker.

As he looked under your bed, his eyes locked with a large blue box. He tilted his head, and pulled it out, sitting back on his heels and slowly opening the box.

His breath stopped as his eyes connected with the elegant mask of the girl from the masquerade ball.

“all this time” he muttered, gently picking it up and brushing his thumb against the nose “it was yeh”

“How did you find that” harry turned, eyes widening as he locked eyes with you.

You looked terrified, clutching the books to your chest “you weren't-I wasn’t- I didn’t!” harry stood, quickly waking over to you and grabbing the books and tossing them on your bed. then grabbing your shoulders, instructing you to breathe with him.

“Hey hey hey! Im not mad, yer fine, yer fine! Its okay, breath with me love breathe~” you grabbed his arms and tried to breathe, feeling tears burn at your eyes.

“you-you're not disappointed?” you whimpered, a look of sadness and….love? came over his face.

“disappointed? Love im happy! Who knew the girl I've been fallin’ for was the same as the girl who stole meh heart at the ball”

Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped “you-you- falling for?”

“aye” he lifted his hand from your shoulder, cupping your cheek and gently stroking your cheek with his thumb “im falling for yeh…my princess”

You could feel the intense blush rise to your face, so you lunged forward and buried your face in his chest. You felt his laughter rumble in his chest as he wrapped his arms around you.

“can I kiss yeh?” he whispered, your head shot up, looking into his bright ocean blue eyes. You nodded slowly, fluttering your eyes closed as Harry leaned in.

And pressed the softest, purest kiss to your lips.

As he pulled away, you couldn’t open your eyes, “yer smiling” you heard him chuckle. You opened your eyes biting your lip.

“That was my first kiss” you whispered, harry hummed in surprise, then gave you his classic flirty grin.

“How bout I give yeh a second one?”

“yes please,” Harry leaned back in, pressing a slightly more passionate kiss to your lips, though he kept it soft as not to scare you.

It was funny when your sister walked in, about to rant once more about harry being obsessed with the masked girl, when she saw harry on top of you on your bed.

Harry just looked at her, gave her his middle finger, and resumed in his quest of giving you the best kiss of your life.

“(Y/N)!!!”

---end~---

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#descendants #Descendents #disney descendants #harry hook #harry hook descendants #harry hook x reader #harry hook imagine #commission work #now onto encore!

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kittybellestark · 4 years

Text

Time Can Heal All, But Maybe Not This

Tumblr deleted the original story and I was lucky enough to find it again and get screenshots of it before it disappeared for good. This story continues to delete itself but I will win this war. idc it’s 10 pages worth of writing and I backed it up this time. I will win. I cannot be stopped. Also it refused to take a page break so im sorry that half of this isn’t hidden, can’t win this battle.

Please enjoy this story I love it dearly and if you’ve read it before Tumblr deleted it and liked it im sorry that it’s here again but re-reads are always nice ?

TW: Depression, alcoholism, drug usage, suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, declining mental health

So maybe Peter didn’t have the most friends. Or the largest family. He didn’t have the most money and Peter certainly didn’t have the most luck. Peter didn’t have a lot of luck objectively speaking. Peter didn’t have a lot to give the universe and in return the universe didn’t have a lot to give Peter.

Then one day the universe gave him Tony, and Peter shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was when Tony didn’t want to be gifted to him. Then Peter nearly died and Peter found Tony in his life, but this time for good, and not just for a trip to Germany followed up by nothing.

Tony brought a lot to Peter’s life, a lot that was once ripped away from him. Tony brought family and warmth and happiness into the places of Peter’s life that were left empty. Tony helped Peter in all the ways that May wasn’t able to. Tony gave Peter so much, and Peter felt like he gave nothing in return.

Then the universe gave Peter Harley. And Peter felt selfish from everything he took from Harley. He took his time and attention, he took and took and took. And it felt different than it did with Tony, the way he kept taking and taking. With Tony it was easier, just spending time, Tony still worked on important things when Peter was there. Peter didn’t take up Tony’s attention the way that he takes up Harley’s.

Peter felt selfish. All he did was take. He took up room in May and Ben’s apartment. Took up room in May’s life. Used May’s money, distracted her from her own grief of her husband. Peter took up room in Tony’s lab, a whole workbench! He took Tony’s money, (over a million dollars on the suit alone) and he took Tony’s time away from SI and the Avengers and Pepper. And Peter took Harley away from his family. Harley came to New York to meet Peter and visit Tony, but then Harley decided to stay.

Peter wasn’t lucky, so he knew, he knew something was going to happen. It’s been a streak of good things for too long. The last bad thing that happened to Peter was Ben dying, so Peter knew because it had been so long ago that something was going to happen soon. Peter just wondered who it would be. It could be MJ or Ned or Harley or Tony or May. And Peter wasn’t ready to lose anyone.

Peter’s life was already so full. He had so many people who meant so much for him. He had everything he’d ever dreamed of, and yet it all felt wrong. Everything felt seconds from crumbling. He has all these people who love him, and support him, Peter loves all these people and he knows, he knows that something will happen to his family. He knows that he’s going to lose someone. It’s just the way his life works.

And Peter is terrified. For good reason apparently.

The snap happens. And Peter dies in Tony’s arms. Though he only woke up what felt like a minute later, it was actually five years. He was alone on a planet with people he didn’t know. Then he was on Earth fighting a war. Then everything was over.

He was the only one of his family to be snapped. Tony gained a whole family. Ned and MJ grew up and were finishing college. May finally moved out to Italy, something she and Ben were supposed to do before Peter came into his life. And Harley moved out of New York and moved on from Peter.

Everything Peter knew changed. He didn’t have a home, or a family, he didn’t have friends. Peter knew the universe has something in store for him. He knew the universe would look down on him and laugh when it saw how comfortable Peter was. He just didn’t expect to lose everyone. Not like that. Peter never expected to be left behind.

May didn’t want to come back to New York. She didn’t want Peter anymore. The offer was made to fly him out to Italy, but May now had a boyfriend who she lived with in a small village working as a nurse to help those in the community. They had a kid together and there just wasn’t room for Peter in her life anymore.

Tony and Pepper wanted to take Peter in, but they just didn’t have the room in their house at the moment, and Tony needed a lot more attention after the snap due to his injuries and it would be a year at least until they could move back to the city and find a place with room for Peter too. Tony was still deep in recovery and he didn’t blame them for not wanting to add more to their plate, especially when they had a daughter.

Ned and MJ were adults now. They had reached out to him. MJ was going to school in California and Ned in Boston. They were happy and they were adults. Peter knew they wouldn’t be able to take him in.

Temporarily Peter would be living on his own. With his apartment that was loaned to him from the Stark’s just until they could find a place where they’d all fit.

Peter never tried contacting Harley. He wasn’t sure he could handle that.

Peter turned 20 alone. In his little apartment in Boston, right off the MIT campus. By the time Tony and Pepper were able to move back into the city Peter was ready to go to college. He graduated Midtown with no one in the audience cheering him on, with no friends other than Flash, who was also snapped and alone. They weren’t friends, but they were alone together.

The Starks bought the apartment by MIT for Peter. He received a full ride there, being apart of the ‘blipped’ population helped that.

But now he was 20 and still alone. He didn’t talk to May anymore, hardly spoke to Tony or Pepper. They only ever reached out when they felt guilty. It was easy for them to forget Peter when they had five years without him.

He was drunk and alone. A combination he never thought he’d be. He always thought he’d have someone. But now he has no one. Peter was by the Sailing Pavilion now, starring out at the water wondering if it was cold. If he jumped in and swam down would anyone notice. 20 was old enough, wasn’t it?

His phone starts to ring.

Peter looks down at it, it’s Flash. No one else has called.

“Happy Birthday, Peter.” Flash says, trying to sound happy.

“Uh, yeah, Thanks.” Peter laughs. It’s fake, and sounds like he’s crying. Which he is. Of course he is.

“Just me?” Flash asked, his voice sounding more like a whisper.

“Just you.” Peter confirms.

The two stay silent on the phone together. They stayed alone together. They understood each other in a way others couldn’t. They were left behind. They were alone. They came back to a world that didn’t have room for them. A world that no longer wanted them.

“I miss having a family.” Peter speaks up, taking another swig of the whiskey he poured into his water bottle.

“I don’t.” Flash snorts. “I miss having people around, but not my family. They were assholes. Dad was a drunk, abusive, it wasn’t great. Mom was heavily medicated for her issues and wasn’t very present. They always loved my sister more. Now they just throw money at me and hope I stay away.”

Peter hums. “I finally felt like I had a family right before we died. I had Tony and Pepper and May. They took care of me and I didn’t feel like I deserved it. May lives in Italy now. I think she’s engaged or married probably. She has a kid. Doing her dream job. Tony and Pepper buy me things when they remember about me. But they’re not in my life. Not really. MJ and Ned are 25 now. Haven’t talked to either of them since right after the snap. And Harley... I really thought the two of us were going to be something. I loved him. He moved away when we were dead. Moved on. I haven’t spoken to him either. I knew I was going to lose someone, Flash. Parker luck and everything. I just didn’t think it would be everyone.”

“I hated you for that.” Flash sounds like he’s smiling now. “ I hated you for having a family. You were supposed to be poor, orphaned, Peter Parker. You didn’t have a family, but then you did. I had a family, but I didn’t. I wanted to have a family like you had so bad. I never thought you and I would have the same thing. I guess you have to be careful what you wish for.”

“You think anyone would miss us if we died.” Peter asked.

He took another sip of his drink, moving himself closer to the water. He held in a sob, trying to not sound suicidal on the phone with Flash. Flash was in Vermont. Peter didn’t want to panic him.

“Peter whatever you’re thinking about doing, don’t. I refuse to plan your funeral, okay? You try anything and I’ll be in Boston so quick.”

“I’m not. I won’t. I’m not going to kill myself. Not now. I promise I’ll live another day. But do you think anyone would miss us?”

Flash was silent for a moment. He considered Peter’s words. He knew the answer already. They both did.

“No.” Flash finally said. “They’ve mourned us already, they’ve grieved for us. If we were both dead no one would miss us. They’d miss the opportunity of knowing us. They’d miss the idea of us. But no one knows us. Not anymore. Now one would miss us.”

Peter graduated when he was 22. There wasn’t a single person in the crowd for him. Just some empty seats and empty promises.

He was drunk and alone by the time night rolled around, a gun in his hand. There was a party raging on down the road, loud enough that people probably wouldn’t recognize the sound of a gun going off.

Bringing the gun up to his head, he drank more whiskey and cried. Peter’s finger hovered over the trigger, when he thought of Ben. He watched him bleed out everywhere, saw him get shot, watched the life face from his eyes.

Peter couldn’t do this tonight. Not with a gun.

At 25 Peter was still alone. He had a good job, a good company really, bought it out when he realized the company was about to fail and that his net worth was higher than the company who pays him. He travelled the world, as CEO. Accidentally made a name for himself. He was famous for some research, he couldn’t remember what. He was in the public eye often. Paparazzi followed him around. Yet Peter was still alone.

Peter and Flash still talked. They both were still alone. There’s pictures of them at bards in magazines. They were alone together once a month. Flash ran his own business, it was successful, especially with Peter’s new found fame.

Peter was stuck at some stuffy party, alone. Always alone. I mean, he has his P.A with him, she was nice, she just kept him on track. He was a the bar, a few too many drinks in, flirting up whoever might make him feel less lonely tonight.

He isn’t what he ever expected to be. But he never really expected to live this long either.

“Mr Parker, you’re expected on stage now for you’re award.” His P.A interrupts.

Peter sighs, standing up and making his way to the stage, leaving the person at the bar with a wink. His P.A followed quickly behind him as he brought his drink with him, taking another sip.

“What’s it for?” He asked.

“You’re research on the Mental Health of those who blipped.” She smiled taking his drink from him and straightening his tie.

“I have so much more interesting research than the blipped. Why that one. I could use another award on my development of AI tech at home, or my bio-medicine advancements or literally anything else.”

She shook her head at him, pushing him up the stage.

“Peter Parker everyone!” The host called out again, gaining applause.

“Sorry for being late everyone.” Peter winked to the crowd. “I like to build up the anticipation. Thank you for this award. This wasn’t a project I ever thought would gain the traction it did. I think this is something that a lot of us could resonate with. Fifty percent of us were blipped. We came back to a world we didn’t recognize. A place we didn’t git. A lot of our families moved on. Even if you were one of the lucky ones who returned you’re mental health was affected. So many of us were displaced. And I think this research struck close to home for so many of us. Thank you so much for this award.”

It wasn’t one of his better speeches. One of his worst ones, actually. He knew that. He couldn’t come up with anything quick. It was hard to come up with a way to say thank you without showing all your cards.

He took pictures with the appropriate people on his way out. Kissed people on the cheek. Answered questions in the interview section. Followed out by paparazzi with some guy on his arm.

Turning 27 was a nightmare. A big party was thrown in his honour. He blacked out in the first hour. 27 sex tapes were circulating by the morning, all from different times since his rise to fame. Peter didn’t want to live. He hated being alive.

His P.A found him passed out 27 days later in his office. He overdosed. Anti-depressants and sleeping pills swallowed down with half a bottle of whiskey.

Flash was in his hospital room when he finally woke up a week later. He wasn’t happy with Peter, but he understood better than most. They cried into each others arms.

Flash moved in with Peter for a while.

When Peter left the hospital he was mobbed by paparazzi's. He had to do a press conference that same day, about what happened. Like it was anyone’s business. Like anyone cares, other than Flash.

Peter was 30 and still alone.

He and Flash still met up. But Flash has a family now. He was married, to Peter’s P.A -Gwen- and they were expecting. He was finally able to move on. Peter, on the other hand, was stuck.

He made a big advancement in technology. Out to the public. An AI who would track a persons wellbeing. Who would act s a therapist until a person received the help they needed. An AI who would talk a person down from harming themselves and contact the right people. A resource for helping people with depression, anxiety and PTSD. An interactive interface where it’d help you work through your trauma. And it was affordable.

There was no one there to congratulate him. Another milestone he made on his own. Peter Parker changed the world. He game so much to the people and he didn’t expect anything, having had a family at one point. From having happiness in his life once.

Peter didn’t think he’d be alive now- especially since turning 27, things had been rocky, he was lucky Flash was there for him. He wasn’t even sure he was going to graduate high school, let alone MIT. But he had to pay off his debts to the universe. For the happiness he once had. Peter knew at this point he wasn’t going to find love, or family, or happiness. IT wasn’t written in the stars for him.

He’s 30 and alone. A drunk with no one to go to. The world seemed to love him. Deemed him the next Tony Stark. As if Tony wasn’t still alive with a 17 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. They called him the next Tony Stark like it didn’t bring any pain to him. The people didn’t know his history. The family he lost.

He’s in California now. Alone. Always alone. Always drunk and alone. He’s looking over the edge of the cliff at some tourist destination wondering if the fall would kill him. If the wave would pull him underwater. Would the universe miss him? Would the world mourn his death? Would there be anyone at his funeral?

He was drunk and the pull of jumping seemed so good. Peter was tired of paying off his debts for having had happiness. He was ready for it to end. He wondered if the universe would be so cruel as to keep him alive after death again.

Footsteps approached him. He put on a smile, knowing that whoever it was would want to talk. The person stood beside him, looking over the fence of the observatory.

“California is nice, isn’t it?” The person said, a slight southern accent, long faded in their voice.

“S’alright.” Peter shrugged. “Too hot for me. Besides the whole thing about California falling off the map, who would want to stay for that?”

“Better than Florida.” The man laughed.

“Anything is better than Florida.” Peter agreed.

Peter hoped this man would leave. Give him some privacy in what he wants to be his last moment. He didn’t leave though. So Peter offered him the bottle of whiskey in his hand. The man took it. He took a swig before passing it back to Peter, who raised his bottle and downed the rest.

“I know it’s been a good 13 years for you, Pete, a solid 17 years for me, but do you really not recognize me or are you hoping I’ll leave again?”

Peter stayed silent. Of course he knew who it was. He could never forget. He was just hoping the other man wouldn’t remind him of it.

“From where I’m standing, it seems like you want me to leave. But that ain’t gonna happen. You’re an alcoholic who looks to be a minute away from doing something that they can’t ever undo. So I’m going to stay. You hear me Peter Parker? I’m not leaving you.”

As it turns out the universe doesn’t hate Peter Parker. On what Peter decided to be his last day alive, the universe gave him back Harley Keener. A gift to him for all he’s been through.

On Peter’s 32nd Birthday he was one month sober.

Peter was learning what it means to have a family again.

When Peter turned 32 he learnt what it meant to be happy.

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im-not-a-joke · 4 years

Note

hcs on the losers club? ive been waiting for the green light. okay sO here's the thing: Reddie's Wedding with drunk Stan giving a speech

Jamie I love you this is an amazing request

Reddie Wedding Things

- they’ve been engaged since eddie turned 18 in 1994

- (eddie proposed on the day after his birthday)

- once gay marriage is legalized in the US in 2015, they are immediately on it

- they have been waiting 21 years for this, they are going to make it official asap

- mike and ben are huge help when it comes to planning

- they decide on a color scheme of red and gray

- bev tries to convince richie to let her make him a dress

- “i would rock that, but my parents are going to be there”

- instead of roses, they go with chrysanthemums and yarrow

- richie does let bev put yarrow in his hair and he looks fabulous

- stan is richie’s best man, and bill is eddie’s

- (its definitely because theyre best friends and totally not because of a pact they made in the seventh grade)

- maggie and went are there to support their gay son and their other gay son that isnt technically related to them yet

- sonia isnt there but FUCK sonia

- went walks richie down the isle

- as soon as richie sees eddie, he bursts into tears

- eddie also cries but he lasts like 5 minutes longer than richie

- the entire losers club is crying by the end

- (especially mike and bev)

- both the wedding and the reception are small, they just want it to be a friends and family thing

- ben and mike go absolutely feral on the dance floor

- they drag bev in with them, who drags stan, who drags bill, who drags richie and eddie

- suddenly, it’s like theyre kids again, dancing all together at bill’s house instead of school dances, because they could have more fun on their own.

- their first dance is to the song somewhere only we know by keane

- instead of throwing a bouquet, eddie takes the chrysanthemum pinned to his lapel and throws it

- bill catches it and everyone is like 👀

- everyone gets absolutely wasted

- at one point stan stands and is like “hey, id like to say some stuff about the newlyweds”

- bev immediately starts recording

- bill is an anxious drunk so he tries to stop stan but stan brushes him off

- “these two have been my best friends for my entire life, and i love them dearly, especially you, trashmouth”

- “...even though you keep me awake until 3 am with your random questions...”

- “i may act like i hate you, but i wouldnt be here without you, and im really happy things worked out for you two, because i really dont think i wouldve won a fight against eddie”

- richie proceeds to use this in rebuttal every time stan makes a comment about hating him

- basically, stan’s speech is half roasting richie and half being sappy

- they all clap for him at the end and he does a ridiculous bow

BONUS

- richie comes out at his next show

- “im taken, ladies and gentlemen, by the best person ive ever met, and i didnt think i would be doing this this soon, but im really feeling it tonight, so this one goes out to my lovely husband, eddie kaspbrak-tozier”

- it goes over very well for both of them

#i really liked doing this #hopefully you like it!#reddie #friend jamie #grandchild jamie #carson rambles #also please request more losers club things i love them #another note:#we do Not feminize eddie on this blog #so if you feminize eddie pls leave

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freddiesaysalright · 4 years

Text

The Most Dramatic Season Ever - Week 8 - The Finale

Summary: It’s your time now! You are ABC’s new Bachelorette and this is your journey! All these men (including our fav BoRhap boys and then some) are competing for your heart! Will you find love? Will you get engaged at the end? Or will you end up heartbroken? Find out, on the most dramatic season ever!

Word Count: 6.7K

Tag List: @psychosupernatural, @someone-get-a-medic, @bensrhapsody, @deakyclicks, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession, @minigranger, @crazyweirdocalledfriday, @the-moving-finger-writes, @assembledherethevolunteers, @rose-writes-prose, @queenlover05, @moon-stars-soul, @danadeacon, @deacyblues, @thesundrop, @cupidben, @lostlittlenerd, @delilahmay39, @timmvrphy, @queenmylovely, @loveandbeloved29, @free-pool-trash, @fairestkillerqueenofall, @local-troubled-writer, @babyalienfairy, @littlecarowrites, @allthethingsicant, @im-an-adult-ish, @mirkwoodshewolf, @squishy-gay-astronaut, @sherlollydramoine, @butlegendsneverdie, @dogmom2014, @rocketrhap917, @26-7-49, @lelifesaver, @frozenhuntress67, @drowsebaby, @mrhoemazzello, @lookuptotheskiesandsee, @seasidecrowbar If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: Alright, Y/N finally chooses! The fic isn’t quite over because there’s still the After the Final Rose! Find out if Y/N is still happy since filming ended AND find out who the next Bachelor is!

Warning(s): This chapter features an anxiety attack. As well a bunch of mushy love stuff.

Night 1 Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4 Week 5 Week 6 Week 7 The Men Tell All

Week 8/Finale here we go!!!

The next part of the journey took you to the South Island, in Queenstown. It was a smaller city, but breathtakingly beautiful. Imagining yourself getting engaged here was easy. The hard part was who you imagined getting down on one knee. You felt like your heart was being torn clear in half between Ben and Joe.

“I am in love with two men,” you said to the camera. “I had a feeling this is how the journey would go, but I didn’t think it was going to be this hard. I have really clear pictures of what my future would be like with each of these men, and I’m struggling...I don’t know what’s going to happen right now, and it’s really scary.”

Your accommodations in your hotel were stunning. You had a great view of the skyline. But it was difficult to appreciate knowing that the end was near and you were going to break someone’s heart. Maybe even your own. As you looked out over Queenstown, your stomach dropped at the thought.

After a day to recover from travel, you had your first date. It was with Ben. You were meeting him at a marina for a cruise around Lake Wakatipu. He beamed at you when he caught sight of you, and your heart soared. For a little while, you could just focus on him and not worry about this process.

“Hi!” you called as he reached you.

He picked you up into his arms and spun you around as you laughed.

“Hello, love,” he returned after setting you down.

Then he planted a kiss on your lips that told you just how much he had missed you.

“So today, we’re taking a relaxing cruise around Lake Wakatipu,” you told him. “It’s a beautiful day to be on the water.”

“It is,” he agreed.

The sun shone brightly, making the lake look like glass in motion. Ben took your hand and helped you onto the boat that was at the dock. The captain took you all slowly out of the marina before hitting the open water. Still, his pace was even and steady, since you and Ben were toward the bow, sitting on pillows, drinks in hand.

“Cheers to a lovely day,” he said. “With the loveliest woman in the world.”

“Cheers,” you replied with a grin.

You kissed before taking your sips.

The lake was stunning. The water was a perfect, crystal shade of blue. The surrounding mountains were lush with foliage, still blooming from the summer warmth. The sun beat down, but there was a soft breeze to keep you cool.

“So, tell me how you’re feeling going into this week,” you said after swallowing the crisp champagne.

“I’m feeling great,” he told you. “I think we’ve come such a long way, and...well, I love you, Y/N. That’s all I really can say. I’m not great with words.”

You giggled. “Ben, you’re fine. I love you too. I’m really happy with where we are.”

“You sure there’s nothing else you need from me?” he asked.

“Not a thing,” you said. “Just keep being honest and loving me, and I’ll do the same for you, okay?”

“You’ve got a deal,” he said.

You kissed on it.

The rest of the cruise was beautiful. The New Zealand scenery never ceased to amaze you. And the fact that you were experiencing it with Ben made the vision all the sweeter. You had a little Titanic moment on the ship. His arms around you made you feel like you could remain in them always. Your future with him seemed as bright and limitless as the horizon.

The afternoon came to a close and it was time to prepare for the evening portion of the date. As you put your makeup on, you found yourself thinking about Joe. Would your time with him be as pleasant and productive as Ben’s? If so, what would you do? If not, could you really let him go? You needed more clarity.

Ben: I’m in love with Y/N. I’m ready to propose to her. I know she’s the person I’m meant to love forever. I can’t put my finger on how I know it, I just...know it.

You met Ben at his hotel room. His adoring smile greeted you before his arms did. You inhaled his scent for a moment as you whispered intimate hellos. Then he stepped back and allowed you inside.

The room was decorated nicely. Candles lit across the surfaces. Champagne chilled and ready. It was all so perfect. You toasted to each other before sipping the champagne.

“It looks nice in here, Ben,” you praised. “Is it always this clean?”

“I’m actually quite a tidy person, so yeah,” he chuckled. “Come on, let’s sit down and relax.”

You followed him to the couch, where he poured you each a glass of wine. You took sips and then set the glass aside to take his hand in yours. You tried to smile.

“So, tell me what you’re feeling,” you said. “Other than loving me.”

“I mean, I am nervous about later this week,” he said. “The thought of proposing to you doesn’t really scare me, but the fact that there’s someone else here who also wants that….that’s terrifying to think about.”

You sighed. “I know it’s scary, Ben, but this is all part of the process.”

“I know,” he said. “I know what I signed up for. But that doesn’t make it any easier. My heart’s on the line, Y/N. You’re the first woman I’ve ever really loved. You’re the only woman I ever want to love. You must understand why it makes me so uneasy.”

“I know, and I do,” you told him, interlocking your fingers with his. “I love you too. I’m struggling with this too. I want you to understand that you’re not alone in being scared and nervous. This isn’t any easier for me.”

“We are both struggling, but in different ways,” he said. “I know you don’t want to hurt me or Joe. You’re an incredibly kind person - it’s one of the things I admire most about you - but you were right when you said it’s part of the process.”

You nodded. “I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

“I’m sorry you are,” he returned.

“At least we have each other,” you tried to joke.

He let out a small laugh, but then looked seriously at you.

“Look, Y/N, this process is not something either of us really thought would be this difficult,” he said. “But no matter what happens - good or bad - I will always be grateful to have met you.”

You held his eyes as your own began to shine with emotion.

“You’ve shown me what it is to really fall in love,” he said. “And I know you understand how special that is.”

“Ben…”

A tear slid down your cheek and then he gathered you up in his arms, pulling you onto his lap. He held you there for a long moment. Neither of you spoke, weighing the gravity of the situation. Because the next time you saw each other, you would either be getting engaged or breaking up.

“I know you can’t promise me anything,” he said. “But I wanted to share what was on my heart. I love you very much.”

“I love you too, Ben,” you replied softly.

The rest of the evening was spent on lighter subjects. You were glad both your feelings were out in the open, and that you each understood how hard this was on both sides of it. Ben made sharing so easy, and you ached for a longer week. More time to explore what was there. But you also considered that would make things harder. You stood to leave, Ben’s hand still in yours as he walked you to the door.

“Good night, love,” he said.

“Good night,” you returned.

He placed a gentle kiss on your lips. His hand fell slowly away from yours. Your skin felt cold without the contact of his. Your eyes lingered on each other.

Without another word, you turned and walked down the hallway. You heard his door click shut. As difficult as that conversation was, you were relieved you had it. Your heart was now looking forward to your date with Joe. There was a twinge of fear that Joe’s date would make your decision all the more difficult.

The next day, you had your date with Joe. You were meeting him at Gibbston Valley Winery. It was a bright, sunny day, so the fields looked bright green and lovely. You grinned at Joe as he approached you, taking you into his arms and kissing you deeply. You hummed into it, feeling content and happy.

“Hi there,” you said brightly.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he returned.

“I’ve missed you too,” you assured him. “I’m glad we have this day together.”

“What are we getting up to?” he wondered.

“We are at Gibbston Valley Winery,” you told him. “We are going to take a tour and taste some wine.”

“Sounds like a classy day for me and my classy lady,” he joked.

You laughed. “Come on, you goof.”

Joe never failed to make you smile. Today, as he took your hand and led you inside, was no different. You found it easy to let go of your apprehensions and just enjoy your time with him.

Your guide first took you out to the field and showed you how they grew the grapes. They showed you how they collected them and juiced them before taking them to be fermented. They took you next to the wine cave, where there were barrels and bottles all over the place. It looked like something out of another world. Like the cellar of an old castle or something.

Your guide led you all through the “cave,” explaining how the wine was organized and how they chose which barrels were ready for bottling. When you got to the bottles, he had you stop, and he picked one up. It was a deep red wine and the label was blank.

“This bottle was finished today,” he said. “Remind me your names, and we’ll put it on the bottle to commemorate your special day.”

“Joe and Y/N,” you said.

The guide wrote it out in a surprisingly beautiful script across the label.

“Before we cork it, would you like to try it?” he offered.

“Absolutely,” said Joe.

The guide grabbed two glasses, and poured about a gulp into each. You and Joe made a small “cheers” and then took the sip. It was smooth, fruity, and rich in flavor. It warmed you from the inside out, which made you think it was the perfect wine to be made for you and Joe.

“What d’you think?” the guide asked.

“It’s amazing,” you said upon swallowing.

“I agree,” Joe added. “This is the best red I’ve had in a while.”

“Tell you what,” the guide said. “I’m gonna cork this bottle and save it for you. We’ll keep it until your next special occasion.”

“How sweet,” you said. “We’ll save it for our wedding.”

You looked at Joe and beamed. An expression he shared.

“We’re looking forward to it,” the guide said. “I’ll go take care of this, you two head to the bar, get something to drink, have a chat, and good luck to you.”

“Thank you,” Joe replied.

The guide took your glasses with him to be washed, and you and Joe headed over to the bar. You ordered two glasses of wine and then went back outside to enjoy the sunshine and the view. Joe pulled out a chair for you at one of the tables and you sat across from each other. He offered his hand, which you took.

“I like learning stuff like this,” he said. “It gives me so many ideas for the restaurant.”

“I bet,” you said. “You guys sell beer and wine there, right?”

“Oh yeah,” he said. “Although, our wine is always Italian given the nature of the place.”

You giggled. “That’s right.”

“Never tell my mother this, but I think New Zealand wine is just as good,” he joked.

“Your secret is safe with me,” you returned. “I’ll never tell Virginia what a traitor her son is.”

He feigned offense before sipping his wine with a soft smile.

“Are you really into wine?” you wondered.

“I love wine,” he said. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I also love sharing a cold one with the boys or whatever, but there’s a sort of romance to wine that I really like. My dad once took the whole family to Rioja to see the wineries out there, and I gotta say, it was amazing.”

“Rioja?” you questioned. “That’s in Spain.”

“I know, we were making an exception,” he said with a shrug. “We’d already seen a few in Italy.”

“Your mom told me about some of the trips you all used to take,” you said. “I thought it was amazing that your parents shared experiencing the world with you and your siblings.”

“It’s definitely something I want to do with my kids,” Joe said.

“I gotta tell you, Joe, a future with you is so clear to me,” you blurted out. “I see it. The marriage, the kids, the house, life at the restaurant. God, it’s as clear to me as your face right now.”

“How does it make you feel?” he asked.

“Happier than I even knew I was capable of feeling,” you said.

“If you let me,” he said, holding your gaze. “I’d like to make you feel that way every day for the rest of your life.”

You sucked in a sharp breath, but didn’t look away. There, in his eyes, you saw the promise he was making to you. Joe was telling you that you could expect a proposal from him. You struggled to form a response. You could not yet promise him acceptance of a proposal. Happy as you were here, there was still Ben, who mattered a great deal to you.

Joe: What Y/N and I have is so amazing. I love her so much. I just want to get down on one knee and propose already! Right here at the winery, I don’t even care!

“Joe,” you said through a sigh. “I love you.”

It felt like a meek response considering the implications of his statement. Even so, he smiled.

“I love you too,” he said. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot or anything. I just want you to know where I’m at.”

God, he read you so well.

“I’m glad to know that,” you said. “I wish I could tell you where I’m at. I feel really confused right now…”

“I know that you are facing an impossible decision,” he said. “Just do whatever it is you need to do to figure out what is going to make you happiest. I’ll support you one hundred percent.”

“Thank you,” you said.

“Now, let’s relax, enjoy the wine, the sun, and each other,” he said.

You smiled and agreed. As you looked at Joe in the low afternoon glow, you saw everything you had ever wanted. Passion, fun, kindness, family. Joe was all of these things and more. As if sensing your desire to be closer, he leaned over the table and kissed you. Everything about Joe, from his words to his deeds, promised you the life you had always dreamed of.

When the time came for the evening portion, you met Joe - like you had with Ben - at his hotel room. His suite was similar to Ben’s but with a different layout. There were fewer candles and more items a bit askew, but it was still neat.

As you snuggled up together on his couch, your mind felt uneasy. You needed to know more about how he was feeling about the following day. The big day.

“Joe,” you said. “Aren’t you a little nervous about tomorrow?”

“Of course I am,” he said. “It could either be the best or the worst day of my life. But I don’t want to complain to you, when it’s you who has the big decision to make.”

“You can complain, I wanna know what’s going on in your heart,” you said.

“Okay,” he said simply. “I’m scared sh*tless that I’m going to find out tomorrow that as great a relationship as we have, things are better with him. That as much as you see our future, you prefer the one he can give you. That as much as you love me, you love him more.”

You opened your mouth to dispute each statement, but closed it again.

“I know that this is what it is,” he said. “Of course I’m afraid. But those fears are the same as any other relationship. You take a risk when you fall in love. I’m fully willing to put my heart on the line if it means even the chance of having you forever, Y/N.”

Tears stung your eyes. Your heart was beginning to break because suddenly the choice before you was so obvious. You wanted Joe with every part of your being. But that meant you were going to have to break Ben’s heart. And just the thought of it was about to crumble you.

“I love you,” you told him again.

You took his face between your hands, sat up on your knees, and rested your forehead against his. You both closed your eyes as you breathed in this moment.

“I love you,” you said again, this time in a low whisper.

“I love you,” he breathed back.

You could not tell him that you were choosing him, and this was a very serious rule, so you tried to convey to him some assurance through your touch. You just hoped he felt it.

You did not remain with Joe much longer. You needed to get some rest before the big day coming in the morning. He walked you to the door and hugged you for a long moment. He thought he felt you reassure him, but a small part of him still feared you would not choose him. So he held you a little longer. In case it was the last time.

“Good night,” you said.

“Good night,” he returned, pressing his lips to your forehead.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” you said.

“Tomorrow,” he said.

You kissed once more, Joe’s lips lingering just slightly. Then it really was goodnight. How you ached to tell him not to worry. But you couldn’t.

You started down the hall, and your mind went to Ben. You couldn’t imagine the look on his face if he showed up tomorrow with a ring and tried to propose. It would be too hard for Joe to follow up and for you to enjoy that moment. To protect Ben and yourself, you looked at your producer, Laurie.

“I need to speak to Ben,” you said. “Tonight.”

She blinked. “You’ve made your decision?”

“I have,” you said. “I can’t put him through a proposal. Not when he’s already given everything.”

“Okay, let’s go to his room,” she said.

Heart pounding, you led the way down the hall to the elevator. Ben’s room was two floors below Joe’s. But upon reaching the elevator, you found you couldn’t be still. So, you headed to the stairwell instead. You began to rush down the stairs, desperate to reach him and get the hard part over with. Light as your legs felt, your heart felt like lead. It was crying out already with the wound it knew was coming.

Two flights down. You hardly noticed the crew around you as you swept down toward that dreaded doorway. You reached it and came to a dead stop. For some reason, you stood there frozen. All you had to do was knock, but you couldn’t even lift your fist to do it.

“Y/N?” said Laurie gently. “Are you sure this is what you want to do?”

You nodded slowly. “It’s going to be hard.”

“Yes,” she said.

“It’s going to be painful,” you said.

“Yes,” she repeated. “If you want to wait until tomorr-”

“No,” you said firmly. “I’ve already taken his first time being in love. I will not also rob him of his first proposal.”

Resolute, you finally rapped your knuckles against the door. You heard his footsteps approaching and you swallowed hard. It was difficult since your mouth was rapidly going dry.

“Y/N!” Ben gasped with a smile when the door disappeared and was replaced with his form. “What are you doing here?”

“Can we talk?” you asked.

You met his gaze, and he saw the trouble in your eyes. His brow furrowed.

“What’s the matter?” he questioned.

Tears were threatening to overwhelm you.

“Can we talk?”

“Sure, come in.”

He stepped aside and allowed you through the door. He followed you into the living area, but neither of you sat down. Ben braced himself, but he still was completely unprepared for the words that came out of your mouth.

“It’s not you,” you sobbed.

His whole body stiffened with the shock. Tears streamed steadily from your eyes, smearing your makeup, but you couldn’t think about that now. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but closed it again. You watched him through watery eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” you went on, unable to bear his silence. “But I couldn’t let you go through tomorrow and start to propose when I could spare you some hurt by telling you now. I just - oh God, Ben, please say something!”

“I…” he trailed off. It was as if you’d punched him and he was still dizzy from the impact. “I dunno...I don’t...I am completely blindsided right now, Y/N.”

“I understand,” you said. “But I know where my heart is, and I didn’t want you to have to go through all this stuff to get ready to propose when I...I wouldn’t be able to say yes to you.”

“You told me that you’re in love with me,” he said, voice shaking. “Is that still true?”

“Of course it is,” you said. “Feelings don’t just vanish. But I just -” You paused to take a breath. “You told me that I’m the first woman you’ve ever loved. I am taking away the hope you had of only loving one person forever, and I hate that I’m doing that. But I couldn’t live with myself if I took away a proposal from you. Words that are meant for the person you are really supposed to spend the rest of your life with.”

“Up until now, I was sure that was you,” he said.

“I’m so sorry,” you said again, voice faltering below a whisper. “But I just can’t let you propose to me. I can’t. Not when I’ve already hurt you enough.”

He sniffled and a single tear escaped to slide down his cheek.

“You’re sure?” he croaked out.

“Yeah,” you replied.

He sat down, leaning on his knees and buried his face in his hands. His shoulders shook as he wept, but he quickly rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands to stop it. It broke your heart. You had never seen Ben this emotional.

“F*ck,” he choked.

“I hope you know that what we shared was truly...extraordinary,” you said. “I have cherished getting to know you and falling in love with you. I-”

“Stop,” he said, swallowing. “Stop. Just...don’t.”

Your bottom lip began to quiver again. “Don’t you want to talk about this?”

“Not if it’s just going to be that,” he said. He blinked and more tears spilled down his face.

You took a deep breath to steady yourself.

“Is there anything I can say?” you wondered.

“No,” he replied shortly. “There’s nothing that will make this hurt any less.”

You sat down beside him.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” you told him. “Saying goodbye to you will be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”

“What changed?” he asked. “What made you suddenly so sure?”

“I just realized that...I could picture my life with both of you,” you said. “But he’s the one I can’t picture my life without.”

Fresh tears rolled over his cheeks.

“I see,” he said. “So, it really is….goodbye.”

You nodded. Your heart was sinking. It was beginning to pick up speed again as it resisted letting him go.

“I’m so sorry.”

There was nothing else you could say, but the words still felt pathetic. You remembered how it felt to be rejected like this, and nothing - nothing you said could make it okay.

Suddenly, he pulled you into a tight hug. His large hands clutched your shirt as he held you impossibly close. He buried his face in your neck. You slowly coiled your arms around him too, your fingers finding his hair and combing through it. This was the last embrace.

As he began to pull away, he kissed your cheek. Your eyes fell closed to the feeling of his lips once more. Out of loyalty to Joe, neither of you went for a proper kiss. You looked into his eyes - those lovely green eyes, even red and puffy - one last time.

“Goodbye, Ben.”

“Bye.”

On unsteady feet, you rose. Slowly, your hands slipped out of his. Each step toward the door had your chest tightening with this hurt. You were going to miss him terribly. But you didn’t stop. You barely remembered opening the door and the trek down to the lobby. Awareness hit you all at once when you stepped onto the sidewalk and into the cool night air.

Your heart was beating wildly, as if trying to escape the tight confines of your chest. Your fingers began to feel numb. Your brain felt hazy and your lungs were constricting. Hot tears spilled some more down your face, and you felt them intensely. You let out a wail.

“That was so hard!” you cried. “Oh my…”

You tried to take a breath but couldn’t. Your body screamed in protest at the idea of stepping any further onto that pavement and away from Ben. You clutched at your chest, begging it to open up again.

“I can’t do this,” you wheezed. “I can’t breathe…” Your vision was beginning to blur.

“Y/N?” Laurie said, eyeing you with concern.

“I can’t breathe,” you struggled to say again. “I can’t…”

Laurie’s face disappeared behind your eyelids as you dropped to the ground.

“Y/N!” Laurie cried. “Oh, God, someone call an ambulance!”

There was a medical team that ABC had on hand, and they were the first to arrive. You were swimming in and out of consciousness, but they couldn’t manage to get you fully aware. They called for an ambulance from one of the local hospitals and just as they arrived, your eyes were fluttering open.

“Joe,” you muttered, because that was all you could think of that you wanted.

“Just relax, Y/N,” said one of the medics. “You’re still out of it, we’re going to take you to hospital.”

“Joe,” you said again, noticing how dry your throat felt.

“Who’s Joe?” he asked Laurie.

“One of the guys,” she said.

“Is he allowed to come with her?” he wondered.

Laurie shook her head. “Afraid not.”

“Okay,” he sighed, and you thought you saw him roll his eyes. “Sorry, Y/N, but he can’t come. You’re gonna see him again soon, okay? Once we help you.”

You nodded, trying to relax as they loaded you into the back of the vehicle.

Joe couldn’t sleep. He was too nervous about what was coming. His conversation had been good with you, and he’d felt your connection so strongly before you left. He hoped that meant you would choose him. But he couldn’t be sure and that was what scared him. Finding no rest, he got out of bed. He went into the little kitchenette of the suite and fetched some water. Outside, he saw the flashing lights of an emergency vehicle. He peeked out, but couldn’t see what was going on. He watched it speed away and he hoped whoever was inside would be okay.

Just as he set the glass in the sink and headed back toward the bedroom, there was a knock on the door. Brow furrowing with concern, he went to open it. He was shocked when he saw Chris Harrison standing there.

“Hey, Chris,” he said. “Everything okay?”

“I’ve gotta catch you up on some things, man,” Chris said. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure,” Joe agreed, and he stepped aside.

As they went to the living area, Joe turned some lights on. Then he and Chris sat on the couch.

“So, what’s up?” Joe wondered.

“Y/N is at the hospital,” Chris said.

“Woah, what?!” Joe cried. “Is she okay?! What happened?!”

“She passed out,” Chris explained calmly. “From what the medics said when they looked at her, it was a severe anxiety attack paired with dehydration that caused her to faint. But she was just coming around when they took her.”

“An anxiety attack…” Joe said. “Because of tomorrow?”

“I imagine so,” Chris replied. “It looks like she’s gonna be fine. I’m sure the weight of this decision just overwhelmed her.”

“I get it,” Joe said. “It’s a big decision. Will she be staying in the hospital overnight?”

“We’re not sure yet,” Chris said. “We’ll let you know as much as we can, as soon as we can, okay?”

“Okay,” Joe said. “Thanks for telling me.”

“Of course,” Chris returned. “Try to get some sleep. And I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon for the big day.”

“Night, Chris,” Joe said.

“G’night, Joe.”

Chris showed himself out. Joe was rooted to the spot where he sat. The crew got set up around him to do an interview.

“How are you feeling, Joe?” asked his producer, Lucy.

“After hearing all that,” Joe said, voice cracking with emotion. He looked up into the camera to reveal tears in his eyes. “I’m beginning to wonder if Y/N is really ready for this.”

He took a long, shuddering breath, and he blinked back the tears.

“Excuse me, I can’t do this right now,” he said shakily.

He got to his feet and walked straight to the bedroom, closing the door on the cameras. No one was certain what the morning would bring.

You woke to the sun shining brightly in your room. Only, it wasn’t your hotel room. You were in the hospital.

The previous night’s events began to return to you. Your marvelous date with Joe, the heartbreaking goodbye with Ben, and then the feeling of suffocating before everything went black. You vaguely remembered asking someone for Joe, but you couldn’t remember their face or who it was. You looked to your right and saw Chris Harrison asleep in the chair next to you. As much as you adored Chris, you had kind of hoped to see Joe. Then you remembered you couldn’t see Joe because you were getting engaged to him later today. You smiled.

“Chris,” you said, voice a little hoarse.

He stirred and opened his eyes. He smiled gently at you.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” you said. “What happened?”

“After they ran some tests, the doctors confirmed it was an anxiety attack and dehydration,” he said. “They kept you overnight to hydrate you, but you should be okay to leave this morning.”

You nodded.

“I told Joe about what happened to you,” Chris said. “But I didn’t tell him you had ended things with Ben, that didn’t feel like it was my place.”

“I appreciate it,” you said. “How’d Joe take it?”

“He was worried, of course, but I assured him you’d be fine,” Chris said. “He’ll be meeting with Neil Lane pretty soon.”

You beamed. Neil Lane was the ring designer. Your heart went out to Joe and you hoped that soon you would be getting ready to get that ring and the man of your dreams.

Joe: I only slept about an hour and a half last night. But, waking up this morning, I feel better about things. I realized that Y/N is ready for this. The reason she was affected like that was because it matters so much to her. She wants this to work so badly. If I were in her shoes, I’d probably pass out too from the pressure. All I can say is that I’m ready too. I’m ready to propose and spend my life with her if she’ll have me.

Feeling lighter, Joe went down to the patio of the hotel. Waiting for him was an older gentleman with a briefcase. Joe grinned. He knew what was in there.

“Joe?” said the man.

“Yep,” said Joe.

“Hi, I’m Neil Lane,” the man said, and they shook hands. “I’m here to help you pick a ring.”

“Thank you so much,” Joe said.

They sat down at a table where the sunlight was good so Joe could really see the rings in all their glory. Inside the briefcase were three ring boxes. Neil opened each one and let Joe look at them. They sparkled and glittered.

“Which one catches your eye?” Neil asked.

“Honestly, they’re all kind of blinding me,” Joe joked.

Neil chuckled.

“The one on the right is a classic oval shape,” he explained. “It’s three carats. The middle is a cushion cut with a twisted band for a unique shape. It’s three and a half carats. The one on the left is a pear shape, three carats. All rings are set in platinum, and have a halo for extra sparkle.”

Joe reached for the middle one. It had his attention throughout Neil’s explanation. The cut was classic, but he really liked the shape of the band. It was special, and unlike any ring he had ever seen before. The same as you. He pulled it out of the box and examined it closer. It was clear and beautiful. Also like you. He could imagine it on your hand from this day forward.

“I like this one,” he said.

“Good eye,” Neil praised. “That was my favorite too. I know she’ll love it.”

“It’s perfect,” Joe said. “Like her.”

He returned the ring to the box, plucked it out of the briefcase, and shook Neil’s hand again. Then he returned to his room to get ready.

You left the hospital and returned to your hotel about an hour after you woke up. Your team was rushing to get you ready. You had a stunning ivory colored gown they zipped you into while the stylists put the last touches on your hair and makeup. Then, you were going to Milford Sound for the proposal.

You arrived first. Production had put together a stunning walkway out into the water where a platform sat just above the shallow water. There was a small stool there and on it was the final rose. You took a deep breath, appreciating the warm breeze and the smell of the beautiful nature around you. This was the place you would promise yourself to Joe, the love of your life, for all of your life. With that in mind, you took the first step forward.

Walking to the platform felt like it took years. You were so eager to see Joe and tell him the good news. It was just you and him from here on out. Eventually, you reached the end. You picked up the final rose and looked out over the water. The wind tossed your hair as you waited.

Joe arrived second. He stepped out of the car to make his way to where you were, but first, he met Chris Harrison.

“Chris,” he said with a smile.

“How are you, Joe?” Chris asked as they shook hands.

“Doing well, I’m excited,” Joe said. “How is Y/N?”

“She’s doing great,” Chris assured him. “In perfect health today.”

“Perfect,” Joe said.

“Have you thought about what you’re gonna say?” Chris asked.

“I have,” Joe replied. “I know what’s on my heart, and I’ll convey it to her the best I can. If I can remember it all when I see her,” he finished with a chuckle.

“Well, good luck to you, friend,” Chris said. “Go on ahead. Y/N is waiting for you.”

Joe’s feet felt like bricks as he started down the walkway. He came around the first curve and got a glimpse of you. You looked like something out of a movie. The way the breeze tossed your hair perfectly about your face. Your dress fluttered like a flower. The way you smiled when you spotted him almost made him crumple.

“Hi,” you said sweetly as he approached.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he replied, voice catching in his throat. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N.”

Your smile widened as you fell in love with him all over again. He took your hands in both of his. You gazed adoringly into his eyes.

“Y/N, I knew going into this journey that I was taking a risk,” he began. “A big one. But I never imagined how great the reward would be. I wanted to find love, but what I’ve found in you is beyond that. You have become not only my love, but my best friend. You are the first person I want to see when I wake up in the morning, and the last person I want to talk to before bed each night. A day without you is impossible to imagine. I love you more than I ever thought I could love a person. And I promise you, Y/N, if you let me, I will show you that love every day for the rest of my life.”

You blinked back tears as you smiled at him.

“Joe,” you said. “All my life, I’ve wanted one thing, and that’s a family. A partner who is as devoted to me as I am to him. A man who I respect, admire, and adore. And who makes me laugh.” You both giggled a bit at that. “You have shown me all of that and more. You make me feel so safe and secure, but also excited. You make me feel loved and desired. But you also make me feel like I’m a part of you. And we can be our own little family. I love you, Joe. And I only want to love you from now on.”

He laughed with relief and squeezed your hand.

“I guess there’s only one more thing left to do,” he said.

With that, he released your hand and sank down to one knee. You let out a delighted squeal as he reached into his coat pocket and retrieved a ring box. Then he opened it and presented you with the most gorgeous ring you had ever seen in your life. It was like something right out of your dreams. You gasped and clapped your hand over your mouth.

“Y/N Y/L/N, will you marry me?”

“Yes, Joe Mazzello, I will marry you!”

Both you and Joe were a mix of laughing and crying. Happy tears were leaking out, but neither of you cared. Joe took the ring out and slipped it onto your awaiting finger.

“Oh my God!” you cried as you watched.

It fit perfectly. You grabbed Joe and tugged him to his feet so you could kiss him. His lips felt different because they were your fiance’s lips. His arms held you different because they were your fiance’s arms. All of him was different because he was your fiance. Just as you were his.

“I love you!” you cried when you parted.

“I love you!” he returned with equal enthusiasm.

“Oh, wait, there’s one more thing!” you gasped.

His brow furrowed with confusion as he watched you walk back over to the little table. He bit back a laugh when you picked up the rose. You returned to him.

“Joe,” you said, cheeks aching from how hard you were smiling. “Will you accept this rose?”

“Forever,” he assured you.

You giggled and pinned it to his jacket. Your ring caught the light as you did, and you could have squirmed with the thrill.

“Forever,” you repeated.

He took your face in his hands and started toward you for another kiss.

“Forever.”

As you kissed him, you thanked the universe for this journey. As dramatic and tumultuous as it was, as often as you felt heartbroken and helpless, it led you here. To forever with Joe. The life of your dreams awaited you.

106 notes · View notes

billhaderlovebot · 5 years

Text

beep beep (4) - richie tozier

some sexy stuff, swearing, angst, the usual. i don't know how many more parts there are going to be but if 5 is the last one then prepare for a Big Boy™

@ceruleanrainblues @the-star-above-you @a-second-hand-sorrow @shockwavee

----

the divorce was messy. timothy took pretty much everything on the grounds that you had run off with another man (which you thought was pretty fair) and he also had slandered your name in front of your whole family in court, which was actually quite petty of him. richie almost murdered him, that day, and had to keep his hand in yours so that he wouldn't get up and break timothy's nose again right in front of his big-shot lawyer.

your family, it was safe to say, did not approve of richie, because timothy was always such a nice boy, and you've made a terrible mistake, dear. the only one who ever did like richie was your grandmother, and she was long gone, bless her cotton socks.

so, yeah, you'd run off with richie.

yeah, you'd escaped from an unhappy marriage in which you never felt loved to be with someone who looked at you like you hung the fucking moon.

okay, granted, you did sleep with richie that night, which wasn't entirely moral, considering you were married to another man, but, yknow, timothy hadn't gone anywhere near you in months and months, and richie was just so good at the sex thing.

also, you loved him. so much.

leaving you with barely enough money to pay your hospital bills sucked. you weren't even sure how timothy was able to do that legally.

but it was alright. you took your stuff and moved into richie's penthouse apartment in malibu almost as soon as you'd been discharged from the hospital. he had made enough money over the first half of his trash-mouth tour to support the both of you for the time being, and he cancelled the reno dates, and all the dates for the foreseeable, because all he wanted to do was be around you and the rest of the losers.

your books and mugs and weird stuff that you'd hoarded over the years slowly spread themselves around richie's apartment, and it made him so happy because it was so utterly domestic.

whenever he saw your shoes in the hallway or your toothbrush in the weird ceramic holder with a bee on it that bev had bought him, he grinned like a stupid, lovestruck idiot, because he was a stupid, lovestruck idiot.

eddie came over a lot, regularly crashing in the spare bedroom because he, too was going through a divorce, and myra kaspbrak was quite a bit more intimidating than timothy. so, that became eddie's room while he was looking for his own apartment.

and you were so fucking happy.

the piece of string that had been serving as your engagement ring after richie proposing on a whim was a constant reminder of how loved you were, and you tied a matching one around his finger, because you didn't feel it was fair that he got to do the whole cute proposal thing.

it had been six months since derry. since the sewers, since defeating IT for the final time. since reuniting with your soulmate. you were sure that life couldn't get better.

eventually, you'd gotten an actual ring.

richie had given it to you on a whim, as usual, opening the little ring box in your direction while you were both surrounded by chinese food, the fourth consecutive episode of snapped playing in the background.

you had choked on your wok-fried garlic and soy broccoli, and he'd thumped your back so you wouldn't almost die, again, which hurt your recovering shoulder, and then he had panicked, and you were crying and laughing and choking all at the same time.

point is, he had given you a ring.

it was a thin, gold band with three little diamonds set into the middle, and you had immediately fallen in love with it.

you hadn't, however, wanted to take off the piece of string, so you wore it on the same finger as the proper engagement ring. richie was relieved because he also hadn't wanted to take the string off.

that night, after some really really great celebration sex, (albeit a little careful, as you sometimes got sharp pains up and down your ribs if you exerted yourself too much) richie bared his soul to you.

he told you everything.

and he cried, and he trembled because he was so scared of ending things with you before they had even begun.

it was the first time he had ever said it out loud.

"i'm bisexual."

and he had let out a breath, then. a breath that he had been holding in for almost three decades.

"oh, richie." and you held him to you without a second thought.

you had always known, somehow.

you'd known, for the same reason one knows the sun has risen. because you had eyes.

you'd seen how richie had always gravitated towards eddie, always grabbing onto him in moments of distress, the soft looks richie would give him when he didn't have time to put up his walls. you knew, and you loved him all the same. of course you did.

you didn't tell him, however, that you had known.

because this moment was so important. the moment where he finally had control over his life and his identity and he was spilling his heart out to you. you would not take that away from him.

this was his time. his moment. his life.

he told you about eddie, and the arcade, and the kissing bridge, and how he'd always, always pushed it down but now it was only the two of you, and if he was to marry you, he wanted everything out in the open.

and god damn you if you let him keep hating himself.

"richie, thankyou for telling me. im so happy that you... that you felt you could talk about it. and to me."

"so... you're not..."

"angry? no. honey, this is who you are. what kind of partner would i be if i didn't love you for who you are? you're perfect, richie."

he cried again, and you let him, because he fucking needed it.

----

richie's nightmares were bad.

really, really fucking bad.

he didn't have them as much as beverly said she had, because, while he had been caught in the deadlights, It was dead and couldn't push into his mind any further. he often couldn't remember what they were about, only that he woke up so scared he would cry. the deadlight-induced terrors came and went, but they always caught both of you off guard.

when it first happened, you were more than a little bit confused, because richie was not a restless sleeper.

you woke to quiet whimpers coming from the man sleeping beside you as he writhed under the bedlinen.

in your sleep-addled haze, it took you a minute to understand what was happening, wiping the sleep from your eyes and adjusting to the darkness.

what, moments ago, was little more than disturbed whimpers, was now loud, heart-fucking-wrenching sobs, the only sound in the otherwise silent apartment.

his body shook next to yours and you were beginning to panic, reaching for him.

"richie? baby, wake up." you shook him lightly, noting the sweat practically dripping from him, and his face, scrunched in fear. he whined lowly, jerking in the bed, but he did not wake. you hadn't been faced with such a situation before, especially not with him, so this was touch and go.

this had never happened before and you were absolutely shitting bricks.

you shook him again, and he jolted awake, crying out as he sat up with a start.

"richie?"

his eyes snapped open, searching wildly around the room for something that wasn't there.

the only light came from the moon and city lights outside your house. sobs of pain overtook him, great, heaving breaths, and then the man you were in love with was crying his fucking eyes out in front of you; fisting his hands in his sweat-soaked hair as his whole body shuddered.

they were tremors he had no control over, the aftershocks of the nightmare taking control of him.

it broke your heart. your face softened as you reached for him again.

god, he held on to you so tight that you almost started crying yourself.

"eddie..." he choked. "ben didn't warn him in time. and i-i-i couldn't... fuck-"

"eddie is at home." you murmured, pressing your lips to his sweat-slick forehead "a ten minute drive. he just moved in. we can go up to see him tomorrow, if you want."

"It's... It's in my head." richie sobbed. the front of your shirt was soaked through with tears. "It's still in my head."

"It's dead, richie."

"so why can i still feel it?"

and you didn't know what to tell him.

---

your first fight, needless to say, sucked.

you didn't even remember what you were fighting about, only that you screamed at each other a lot, and there were tears, and it ended with richie, head in his hands, asking you to leave him alone for a minute in a voice so uncharacteristically calm that it scared you. and so you left for the bedroom, shutting the door, your head swimming and chest burning from the sobs you'd been caging in there.

you knew, realistically, that this was just one fight, and you'd be back to normal within the hour, but this was the first fight you'd had since you were kids, and god only knows how hot headed you'd gotten in the 27 years since then. both of you.

and you hated yourself for letting it get this far and making him not want to be around you.

it was times like this, when richie's nightmares were at their worst and you woke up every night like fucking clockwork to make sure he was real and still there and still breathing, and eddie came round constantly because he couldn't stand being alone in a new place, it was times like this that you needed to be close. so while it was just a dumb fight, you allowed yourself to cry.

richie clicked open the door about half an hour later, shuffling into the room. his eyes were red and he was probably shaking a little bit, you thought.

"im sorry." his voice came out small, and you sat up from the bed immediately.

"no, im sorry, rich. i was overreacting and it was fucking stupid and we need to just-"

and richie all but staggered forwards, grabbing your face in his hands and kissing you, hard. you gasped, and he used the opportunity to gain access to the inside of your mouth. cheeky bastard.

you both had been crying for a while, so the kiss was rather wet, but you overlooked it on account of the fact that his hand was not-so-discreetly sliding up your shirt and fumbling at your bra clasp. as suave as he liked to think he was, his bra skills needed work. he eventually did it, and seemed more than a little bit proud of himself, muttering a triumphant: "fuck yeah."

you tugged richie's bottom lip between your teeth and he fucking groaned. and that noise coming from his mouth was so fucking hot that your knees almost buckled.

you made a mental note to do the sex thing really really well tonight, because the sex thing was definitely happening and it had been a bad night for the both of you and you fucking needed him, right the fuck now.

it wasn't long before you ended up underneath him, and he was pressing open mouthed kisses to your inner thighs, and you were breathing hard and you honestly thought that if he didn't get the fuck on with it you'd probably die right there.

"rich- ahh- richie?"

"yes, baby?"

god, how the fuck was he so smug all the time?

"i think you should- fuck, oh my god- probably get on with things right the the fuck now, or i'll have to... i'll-" you curled your fingers into his hair, your nails scratching across his scalp.

"or?" he hummed, continuing his ministrations everywhere except where you wanted them.

"i'll have to, mmmh, hurt you, actually." you whispered, breathless. you were unable to form a solid argument, what with richie fucking tozier being so sexy and all, teasing the shit out of you.

"you will?" richie put a hand on each of your legs and spread them further apart, his lips relentless, sucking and biting your sensitive flesh. this man was going to fucking kill you, god.

"yeah, yeah, i'll- ahh- bite your fucking face off, or something-"

and then he was between your thighs, right fucking there, so he never did find out what that something actually was, because whatever came out of your mouth after that wasn't decipherable.

---

"we shouldn't fight." richie murmured, as if he was afraid of being too loud in case he broke the moment.

you traced gentle patterns on his chest with your fingertips.

"i know." you said, equally as cautious.

"but i don't even remember what we were fighting about, and we just had several rounds of the apology." he laughed quietly, kissing your bare shoulder.

smirking at the hickeys on your collarbone, he pressed a kiss there, too, admiring his handiwork.

"i love you, fuck face." you yawned, your eyes fluttering shut.

"yeah, and i love you, dickweed."

richie stared fondly at the piece of string around his ring finger. you would be alright. after all, your wedding was coming up.

he had no nightmares that night.

#it richie #adult richie #richie tozier #richie tozier x reader #beep beep richie #losers club x reader #losers club #it 2019 #it chapter 2

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