#we think the biggest think from our childhood is that our parents didn't know how to manage their money

[natureivy]

when i was younger i learned never to set up auto pay for anything in case you ever don't have the money to cover it but now we have auto pay set up for all our big bills without having to worry about if the money's in there and it really is such a strange feeling when you've grown up poor

#sometimes it feels like imposter syndrome #like my family struggled my whole life #but now i can auto pay rent insurance and car note #julia and i both grew up poor so we do our best to watch our money #like we obsessively budget and track where everything's going #we think the biggest think from our childhood is that our parents didn't know how to manage their money #so we do our best #even now my parents are better off since my dad got the job he still has when i was in high school #but still they're not great with their money #anyway it's just weird #we don't even make that much together but it's nice to feel secure #it was a little stressful when julia left a terrible well paying job #for two other not great jobs #and she just started one she actually enjoye and we're making more money again #but she just got asked to interview for an even higher paying job she applied for months ago before she got her current job #which is exciting and nerve-wracking #but would be helpful with the wedding coming up #okay i'll stop i'm oversharing but sometimes you have thoughts you need to get out you know #meg.txt #money tw

[queers-gambit]

Curiosity Killed The Cat

prompt: after rescuing you from kidnappers, you overhear your boyfriend-turned-savior complain about how clingy you've become.

pairing: Mafia!Bucky Barnes x female!reader

fandom masterlist: Marvel

word count: 5.1k+

note: author wants things out of her drafts! also don't take this fic too seriously, it's not much at all - just me writing for the fuck of it until i'm ready to focus on my bigger projects.

warnings: modern AU, Mafia AU, obvious cursing, small hurt and comfort, brief depiction of physical violence and self-destruction in the form of: loss of appetite, lack of sleep, other symptoms of depression. NOT edited! author is ashamed because she knows she can give you something better but oh well.

browse the Clingy Baby collection masterlist here

Your feet planted, jarring you to a halt the moment you heard your name in a conversation you were not apart of.

You heard the hammering of your heart, echoing beats of your blood pumping with harrowing desperation. Hands turned cold and clammy, sweat breaking out on your brow and then freezing, feeling as if your throat had swollen to a new restriction and you were anchored in you in place.

Rooted.

But for now, all you could identify was the paralyzing anxiety that anchored you to your spot and made your heartbeat thunder in your ears. You stood outside the lounge, unable to comprehend relevant thought; still listening to low, docile tones continue their conversation, but you couldn't hear real words.

You were stunned. Panicked, confused, hurt - so very hurt. That seemed to register, too; you were really, really hurt.

This was perhaps why curiosity killed the cat.

You reprimanded yourself for listening in - transporting back to childhood during all the times your parents would scold you for eavesdropping. You knew it was wrong, you knew this was a private conversation meant to be shared between trusting confidants, but you couldn't help it - you heard your name and stopped. It was natural, right? To feel curious regarding a conversation seemingly about you that you, yourself, was not apart of?

Curiosity, indeed.

Blinking rapidly, you remembered the only other time you felt such mounting, pressurized fear, and while it might be dramatic, the only other time you could remember this level of anxiety was from about two months ago...

"Yes, baby, I got the bacon."

"And the jalapeños?"

"Uh-huh, the biggest they had."

"Cream cheese?"

"Do you know who you're talking to?" You laughed into the phone. "I'm a professional housewife by now, you can relax. I got all you needed for your fancy little dinner experiment."

Bucky laughed down the phone, "Oh, please, like I didn't see you salivating when we watched the segment on Top Chef."

"Hush," you laughed, too. "I'm leaving the store now," you told him, pushing out of the heavy glass doors, "and should be home in, like, 10 minutes?"

"Lemme pick you up."

"I have legs to walk with, so, no thank you."

He sighed, "Well, I'll open the wine to let it breathe. Red's still good?"

"Let's do a white tonight, please."

"Good deal," he mused softly. "Hey, I was thinking earlier - "

"Hang on," you pleaded.

"What's wrong?"

"No, nothing. There's just a van slowing down, I don't want to get hit," you chuckled some, looking up and down the street before crossing. "Sorry, so, what were you thinking?"

"We haven't been to Paris in months."

You smirked, "I'm sure our plants in the apartment are dead by now."

Bucky laughed, "Oh, I am, too. But, look, how 'bout it, Peach? You, me, all the croissants we can consume this weekend. I'll take Monday and Tuesday off, we can leave tomorrow night."

"Oh, that sounds nice," you moaned. "Paris in the spring? Baby, that's so dreamy!"

"So, is that a yes?"

"It's a hell yes," you grinned. "Do you know the weather?"

"Supposed to be nice and sunny, not too warm or cold. Figured this would be ideal," he chuckled. "But does the weather matter if we're in bed the whole time?"

"No, we're not wasting our time!" You laughed. "We're gonna go do shit, okay? Stereotypical tourist-couple shit."

"I'll bring the camera."

"And I was hoping we could have dinner at that little place we love?"

"I wouldn't take you anywhere else," he mused.

"I think it's - FUCK!" Bucky froze when he heard the screeching of tires; a van coming up to a skidding halt, flurry of voices all yelling but he heard yours clearly. "No, no, no, hey, hey, what the hell's happening? Hey! What's this - hey, hey! Don't touch me! Ow, shit! No! Hey! Fuck's sake - oh, my God! Ow! Hey!"

"Baby!? Peach! Hey! The fuck's going on!?"

There was a thudding over the phone, and Bucky listened to more struggling - more fidgeting and fighting - and then the slamming of a car door. Still calling your name, Bucky heard a scrape over the line before a different voice answered your phone, "James Barnes. On behalf of HYDRA, you're overdue on your payment and we warned you there would be consequences. Deliver the full amount of 17 million - "

"It's 15," he growled.

"Two million more for the inconvenience of stalking your woman."

"If you even so much as touch her, I swear to God - "

"17 million at midnight, at the pier, or every minute you're late, she'll receive the brunt end of our frustration."

"Don't hurt her - "

"Midnight, Mr. Barnes, at the pier - you know where. Don't be late, she looks like she won't last long."

The line went dead after he heard your screech of pain, confusion, and fear. The moment the line cut, he dropped his phone and slowly lowered himself to sit on the kitchen floor, shock coloring his system. It wasn't that he didn't have the money, quite the opposite - but he and his men had a plan in motion to take out HYDRA, their org's competition, and this was totally against all they anticipated. After a minute to sit in his own worry, Bucky jumped to his feet, grabbed his phone, keys, wallet, and two handguns; holstering them both before shrugging his suit jacket on.

He made every phone call he could, gathering the men he trusted most to (one of) his warehouse(s).

For hours, you were strung up by your wrists in a joint-pulling position while the Brooklyn Mafia formulated a plan of attack. It was the most pain you've ever known, but then the abuse started and you were blinded by this new pain. You had bruises most places, cuts that wept blood; scars that would never heal, wounds that wouldn't ever close. You were delirious, miserable, confused, just dazed and confused; praying to a God who didn't listen.

"Oh, look at that," your captor mocked, holding a thick-bladed hunting knife in hand, "it's one minute til midnight, and I don't see your loverboy anywhere."

You sniffled, unable to respond.

He stared out the lone window, tisking and narrating, "Nope, I see not a soul - and with how protective he is over you, you'd think he'd want to ensure your safety. Not leave it to chance, huh?"

You whimpered as the clock struck midnight, your heart hammering in heavy-hung worry. You had tears in your eyes, heart nearly beating out of your chest, feeling incredibly nauseous. The desire to scream never lessened, just fearing what was to come; the men in the room making you fear for the state of your life, their knuckles cracking. You only begged, "Please. Don't."

The main captor laughed, "You can do better than that! C'mon, give me the satisfaction of tellin' ol' James you begged for mercy - but it wasn't enough to sway me. I'll lie, for sure, and say it happened but it will be so much sweeter if you actually do it."

"Please," you shook your head, avoiding eye contact. "Just don't do this, please."

"Oh, honey," he mocked, "it's not our fault he's late. Lads! Have at her, but leave her face for now - she's still real pretty."

You listened as he gave commands in Russian, understanding after the years at Bucky's side; whimpering when the first blow landed to your gut and knocked the wind out of you. The minutes drug by and you felt your resolve crumbling, heart still hammering to a never-before-felt speed that made it feel as if it were jumping out of your very body at every single pulse point. You struggled in your restraints, but it was futile by how tight you were bound; unable to protect yourself.

At 12:03 am, the doors blew open in a resounding blast; concrete crumbling and sprinkling the floor. You cried out as the smoke choked you, coughing through the haze; only barely able to make out certain figures to know Bucky had brought his best men. However, despite the sting to your eyes from the swirling dust and smoke, you saw a lone man stalk through the blasted wall, through the fray, and straight up to you.

"Bu-Bucky!" You choked in relief as he reached to untie your feet first. You dangled for only a moment as his metal prosthetic ripped off whatever held your wrists to the torture contraption. "Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Bucky, holy shit, baby, please, please, please," you rambled as he freed you and instantly caught you on his broad shoulders.

"I got you, Peach, I'm here, I've got you," he promised in your ear, hoisting your legs around his waist so they latched and then wrapping his arms around you securely. "Don't let go and don't look up, okay? Hear me, Peach?"

You nodded into his neck, only able to cry.

Bucky jolted and jerked slightly as he moved through the fight again, but not a minute later, you were stepping outside into the sobering, brisk spring air. This was the moment you understood how dangerous and fleeting life with Bucky could be, making a promise to yourself that if he says take the car, you'll take the fucking car.

And now, here you were, outside the high-rise apartment's lounge (which was just a converted bedroom), listening to your boyfriend complain about you some 2 months after the whole fiasco. HYDRA had been all but wiped out, and in the weeks since, Bucky's men had gone on smaller missions to eradicate the HYDRA members they heard rumor of being local. Yet you didn't feel safe, yet.

You didn't feel safe if you weren't around Bucky.

Everything made you jump: the beep of the done-dryer, that spritz of the automatic fragrance mister in the bathroom, the "duh-dunnn" of a loaded-up Netflix. Keys jingling, car horns, the barking of the dog in the apartment a floor below you... Everything.

Being around Bucky was just like holding a safety blanket. He would always protect you, and for about a week after your rescue, he laid in bed and around the home with you; being lazy; time off work to simply hold you and assure you were safe. Safe in his arms. Safe in his embrace, his presence.

So now... To hear this... You were devastated.

You didn't mean to eavesdrop, it just sort of happened. It was still earlier in the morning, but Bucky hadn't been in bed beside you and based on the feel of the sheets, his body hadn't been there in a while. So, you made some coffee and then ventured around the home in search of your lover; coming upon the lounge and hearing voices from within.

You knew it was common for Steve Rogers and / or Sam Wilson to stay late or visit early, so, you weren't shocked by that, but did falter in announcing yourself when you heard Sam ask how you were doing since the kidnapping. He used your name specifically, making Bucky sigh, and for your curiosity to peak.

"She's different, man."

"How so?" Sam wondered.

"She doesn't like being without me now," he chuckled without humor. "I'm serious, she won't go to the gym until I do, waits to have meals together, won't leave the house if I'm out, and," he scoffed to himself, "you can forget going to the grocery store or anything - she's even stopped going to work - "

"You told her to stop working, like, two years ago when y'all first moved-in together," Sam deadpanned.

"I know," Bucky shrugged, "but it feels tenfold now that she's so reclusive."

"It's normal," Steve sighed gently.

"Yeah? Is it normal that I can't even go take a shit without promising her I'll be right back?" Bucky snapped in exasperation. "It's that bad, she's that fucking clingy, man. I go in the kitchen to make dinner, she's in there 30 seconds later to 'help' me. I take a shower, she finds a reason to linger in the bedroom, but that was better than before, when she wouldn't even shower by herself. It's just a lot, she's everywhere I look. I'm starting to find new reasons not to come home, man, she's always fucking here - and when I walk in the door, she's on me. I need to fucking breathe, but I can't tell her to stop, she'll get her feelings hurt and then I'm the bad guy."

"Man," Steve laughed, "you can't be the bad guy if you go to her in a calm and collected manner, but it's only been two months. She's still recovering."

"Exactly why if I say anything, no matter how calm and collected, I'm the bad guy. I get she's hurting and tryna recover, but Goddamn, does she have to be in every room I'm in? Do everything with me? How do I tell my traumatized girlfriend to back off? Let me breathe?"

Sam laughed, "You don't! You just said it - she's traumatized! Cut the girl some slack, she's got a lot to fuckin' deal with!"

"I'm not negating from that fact," Bucky argued, "I'm just trying to say, the way she's clinging onto me like she can't function without me is just grating at my nerves. I just need to breathe and recharge, but I can't tell her that - fuck's sake."

"Buck," Steve smirked, "you're worried Peach isn't gonna listen, but that's her literal superpower. Just communicate, she can't read your mind, but you need to remember how traumatic all of that was for her to experience - she's scarred from that kidnapping, man. So, sure, you need to recharge, but she needs the support."

"Is it wrong to ask for a day here and there to do that? To recharge?" Bucky asked quietly.

"If you communicate, it's perfectly reasonable to ask for," Sam assured softly. "And whatever you do, don't tell her you think she's clingy. Chicks hate that, that word is, just, like, taboo or something. Real heavy, negative connotations."

"But she is," Bucky growled quietly, "'s like she's afraid to let go 'cause I'll disappear or something."

"Oh, noooo," Sam mocked, "I'm Bucky and my girlfriend loves me too much and trusts me too much and actually feels safe and dependent on me too much - ohhh noooo!"

There was a thump, Sam's cried, "Ow!", and Bucky telling him to shut up. You slowly backed away from the door, trying to settle your breathing as you made your escape down the hall. When back in the kitchen, you whimpered and let the first tears fall... The first of many you shed in the hour it took you to prepare breakfast for everyone; doing your best to eat as you cooked so you didn't have to linger around the men. You took Bucky's words to heart, and maybe you were too sensitive, maybe you should venture outside again.

So, when the lads came out, you set the table without making eye contact with any of them. "Here," you directed, setting the pancakes down, "I made breakfast, come eat, it's still hot."

"Wow," Sam smiled brightly, "thanks, Peach!"

You hummed, still avoiding their eyes as you just set the abundance of food to the table. "You... Cooked without me?" Bucky asked you with skepticism.

"Mhm," you hummed, setting the coffee pot down to a hot pad, "and I'm going out shopping with Nat, so, eat up, lads, I'll do the dishes when I get home. Love you, boys, bye," you waved them off, snatching your keys and then moving to the door to stuff your feet into your sneakers.

"Woah, woah, woah," Bucky left the table, approaching you urgently, "hey, what do you mean? You're goin' out?"

"Yep, figured I've stayed in too long, might as well get out and remember life doesn't stop just 'cause I'm sad."

"Peach - "

"I'll see you when I get home, Buck, okay?" You mumbled, slinging your purse on your shoulder.

"Well, here, here, hey, wait, hang on," he pulled his wallet out, handing you over a wad of big bills. "Spend it all, okay? Have fun, call or text if you need me, yeah?"

"Sure."

Bucky leaned in to kiss you but you just opened the door, ready to leave. He frowned, watching you, barely managing to call a quick, "Love you!"

You didn't return the sentiment, feeling hallow and all too silly to return the affection. In your purse was your laptop, headphones, chargers, and whatever else, so, instead of meeting your friend, Natasha - being just a ruse to avoid Bucky - you started small and just went to the local café. You used to frequent it back in the day, but times were changed, and yet, they were all the happier to serve you the same as before. Getting cozy in the corner, you set up camp and ordered your favorite coffee basically every other hour - letting the day waste away as you caught up on work emails.

Might've wasted time on Instagram and Facebook and Pinterest. Got shopping done on Amazon. Browsed through Target's online selection. Checked out the sale items at Kate Spade. Perused Fenty Lingerie because you could.

Before you knew it, a message was coming in over your MacBook from Bucky, asking where you were - why had you turned your location off?

You packed up and with a to-go cup, made the short trek back home. When you got back, Bucky was pacing in the living room; staring at his phone and typing, then deleting, retyping, groaning, glancing up, typing again, then doing a double take. "Where've you been, Peach? Huh!?" Bucky demanded. "You're late!"

"Out with Nat," you eased.

He huffed through his nose, nodding slowly, "You have a nice time?"

"It was okay," you answered. "I'm gonna go to bed after I shower."

His brows furrowed, "I have a meeting tonight."

"I know."

"O...kay?" He let you go, wanting to ask why you didn't ask him to join like you had so often in the past few weeks.

And it didn't stop there, in fact, it got worse. When Bucky got home from his meeting, he was actually shocked to see you nestled in the bed; teetering on the edge of the shared space while snuggling a weighted body pillow.

When he tried to give you a snuggle, you stirred to life and pushed him back, muttering, "Too hot."

The following morning, he was relatively surprised to see you up and about before him; barely getting a word in before you were slipping out the door to go on a morning jog. He was confused by how all of a sudden, where you were once everywhere he looked, now, you were disappeared and distant and gone. You worked out alone, cooked alone - but always left him a plate, but long gone were the cute little sticky notes you left for him. You once haunted the apartment by never wanting to leave, and now, ghosted in and out of it on a daily basis.

You never bothered to go far from home. You liked hanging at the coffee shop and luckily, your job let you work from home most days, and the rare time you were due back in the office, it was only about a 20 minute walk. You got better at lying, couldn't even remember the last time you and Bucky had sex, and even now, the last time you had a meal together. You didn't text him about your day; where you once might've told him about an adorable dog you saw on the street, now, you only ever texted him if he asked a direct question.

Food lost appeal, your appetite vanished.

Sleep evaded you, plaguing you with nightmares when you did rest.

Interest dulled, passions were snuffed, and only fearful, confused anger remained. It showed in the way weight seemed to shift around your body, thinning; the lack of sleep creating dark rings and bags under your bloodshot eyes.

After two weeks of this, Bucky grew irritated and short with everyone around him. It reflected in his work, the way he spoke to everyone; even Steve and Sam getting the brunt end of his anger. Without you to assure him, Bucky was off his rocker; losing his cool; his patience stretched far too thin. So much so, the two mates approached an outside associate, Natasha Romanoff, after a particularly snappy meeting to plead for her to talk to Bucky.

"James," Nat greeted as she strode into his office without knocking.

"I know you're my oldest friend, but you don't have that privilege yet," he mused, never looking up.

"What?"

"Not knocking. What is it, Nat?"

"Just came to check on you, you know, like friends do."

"Hm," he chuckled without humor, "and what did Peach say to you?"

"About...?"

"Me."

"Nothing, I haven't gotten ahold of her for weeks."

Bucky paused, slowly lifting his head in confusion; brows furrowed and mouth set in a firm, straight line. "What?" He grit.

"Huh?" Nat wondered.

"She's been telling me that she's hanging out with you for the past two weeks," he revealed.

"Nope, not since the incident with HYDRA."

Bucky's (right) flesh hand crushed the pen in his grip, taking a long breath. "All right," he sighed, "so, why come today?"

"What's really going on, Buck?" She worried softly. "Is it really whatever's going on with Peach? You're this pissed off? What'd she even do?"

"She just..." He cut himself off with a long sigh. "It's nothing."

"Bucky," Nat gave a pointed look.

"She's just avoiding me," he muttered. "It's like she's barely home, almost like a ghost."

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes, and no," Bucky snipped, rolling his neck out. "I'm just worried about her now, she's never not communicated before."

"Something's bothering her," Nat shrugged. "She probably needs you right now, Buck."

"I can't do it all," he whispered. "I can't be who she wants and run this organization at the same time."

"She doesn't need that, she just needs you to be her partner," Natasha spoke softly. "She needs to feel loved and supported, and surely, she maybe felt weird about whatever you were projecting. Instead of taking it out on your men," she smirked, "why don't you just talk to her? 'Cause I hear you're bein' a more-than-usual asshole lately. You need to ease up or get laid, 'cause you're taking it out on good, loyal men, and that's entirely unfair."

"They can take it."

"Sure, but they shouldn't have to," Nat rolled her eyes. "Look, since you won't answer me, I'm assuming the sour mood is in regard to whatever relationship issues you have right now?"

"Sure," he tossed the pen away, opened a skinny drawer to his right and select an identical one.

"Bucky," she growled.

He sighed, "She's lying to me, Nat. Saying she's with you when she's not... Is this an affair? She's gone all the time now."

"No way," Nat laughed. "Baby girl doesn't have the energy to entertain anyone - let alone two men. You're just the exception."

"Why lie, then?"

"Maybe she didn't want you questioning her..."

"No shit."

"Well, did you get into a fight?"

"No."

"Any reason she doesn't want to be home?"

He shook his head with a sigh, "Not that I know of."

"You had to do something."

"Honest, I haven't. She was being all clingy, but then one day, a switch flipped."

Nat frowned, "You think... Your girlfriend is being clingy... Because she was kidnapped and beaten up... Because of your fucking job... And is probably scared...out of...her mind...? I get that correct?"

Bucky paused for a long moment, muttering, "Oh, my God."

"Yeah, you asshole. Think of it that way! She's afraid!" Natasha snapped. "And probably picked up on your energy, so, she made herself scarce."

"I didn't mean - "

"I don't care, go home, apologize to that sweet angel - she doesn't deserve this."

Bucky paused, "What is 'this' exactly?"

"James. Focus on the present - your woman. Go make this right. We all know you're this big, bad dude - but it's okay to be a little sensitive towards the woman who loves you without condition!"

Bucky relented, figuring the redheaded Russian mobster was right.

The entire drive home, Bucky considered the ways you had changed in the few, short weeks since he vented to Sam and Steve about your clinginess. You didn't take meals with him, didn't cook, work-out, or do anything you used to do together. Sex? Forget it. Dates? Nope. Cuddling? No, you're always 'too hot'. And when he thought about it, he remembers seeing the wads of cash he'd leave for you stuffed in his sock drawer - surely trying to make him think it was just another emergency fund he had hidden. You never spent his money, feeling humiliated by his choice of words.

Clingy...

You didn't text or call him when he was gone, you hadn't even so much as kissed him in what felt like ages... Well, more like you hadn't initiated any kisses...

His heart weighed in his chest as he realized he hadn't even so much as hugged you in days. You were rarely in the apartment together, and when you were, you were just silent and busy with chores. It was as if you operated on the exact opposite schedule as he did, went to new extents to avoid him, and his heart clenched in his chest.

When he got home, you were caught cooking in the kitchen - being obvious that you weren't expecting him. The door slammed and his baritone voice snapped, "Peach!"

You gulped, holding the sauce-covered wooden spoon to your chest. When he rounded around the corner, he found you and slowed down, sighing in relief. "What's wrong?" You worried in a timid tone.

He panted lightly, relaying, "Needed to find you."

"I'm here."

"I know," he relented, charging up to you and engulfing you in a tight, heavy hug. "I needed to talk to you, Peach," he whispered.

"What's wrong?"

"You. You're what's wrong."

"What the fuck does that - "

"No, no," he pulled back to stare down at you fondly, "I don't mean it like that, just that... You're struggling. I can see that. But you're not alone, I'm here with you, and I got a little caught up in my head when I realized someone was so very dependent on me - it fucking scared me. But then... Then you just shut yourself off and hid away from me, and oh, my God, it's so much worse, baby. Don't do that," he breathed, "okay? Don't ever shut me out - don't stop loving me, don't stop talking to me, don't give up on us. I can't read your mind, you can't read mine, it's not an excuse - but we understand better when we trust each other enough to communicate what's required. I'm so sorry I got caught up in myself, I didn't know what you needed - but I'm here now, I'm here - I'm not leaving you."

You collapsed into his chest, taking a shuddering breath.

"Don't ever stop talking to me, Peach," Bucky whispered, kissing the top of your head; keeping you close. "I'm so sorry, baby, if I - "

"If?" You snapped, pulling back to glare at him through your tears. "I heard you, Bucky. I heard you talking to Sam and Steve, and about how clingy I am."

"I was wrong," he insisted. "I was overwhelmed and tired and just stretched thin, the easiest thing to do is attack those closest to me, and that's you. It's not right, it's the worst I could do to you after all you've been through, and I'm so sorry. I was wrong, you're not the person to take this out on - and I'm so sorry, Peach."

You sighed, "I don't mean to be... I don't mean to cling - "

"Nah," he chuckled, caressing your cheek, "you cling as much as you want. Cling as tight as you want, baby, don't let me go. I'm sorry for what I said and the way it made you feel, it was wrong - so fucking wrong of me, and I see that. When you pulled away from me, I just... I couldn't think. It felt so wrong, and I knew it was my fault." He took your face in both palms, promising, "I'm so sorry, Peach."

You shrugged meekly, "It's okay."

"It's not."

"No, but apologizing is a step in the right direction."

He nodded, "What else can I do?"

"Nothing - "

"Peach."

You paused to think, smiling shyly, "Movie night?"

"Whatever my pretty girl wants," he nodded.

"Hmm... Get a bath with me?"

"All right... Sure, okay..."

"And face masks."

He sighed, "Okay."

"And mani-pedis."

"Baby."

"You said you were making it up to me, right?"

He smirked, "That's right... All right, yeah, sure, fine, we can..." He sighed again, "We can do all that, Peach, whatever you want."

"I just want you," you told him softly. "I didn't mean to be so clingy. I was just afraid... I felt afraid everyday, just so very unsure in this life. You're the only thing that makes sense to me, Buck, and when I heard you, I just... I guess I realized how dependent I'd been and wanted to give you space. Last thing I want is to smother you, to drive you away from me."

"Not ever gonna happen," he promised softly. "I just didn't handle it like I should've. I'm sorry, Peach, but I'm here now - for whatever you need. Want me to take a few days off, just be together? I'll arrange it. Want to get away for a bit? We can go."

"I just need you," you whispered. "Only you and I should be okay - I can be okay if I have you, but feeling like I lost you? Even a fraction? Buck... James, it was such a harrowing feeling, I wasn't sure what to do to move forward. So, I think I just panicked, shut down; thought if I could just get back to normal, you'd love me again..."

"I never stopped loving you," he swore, "I just had a bad lapse in my own judgement. Nothing against you, baby. Nothing."

You nodded again, letting him tuck you into his chest; perfectly snug under his chin as he coiled his arms around you. He let out a long sigh, his guilt swelling to new heights, but for that present moment, everything seemed okay.

Felt okay.

Appeared okay.

And you'd both do whatever it took to remain as okay as you possibly could.

requesting rules and masterlist

Marvel masterlist

Clingy Baby collection masterlist

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel au #mob bucky barnes #mob bucky au #mob bucky x reader #mob bucky x you #mafia au #mafia bucky barnes #mafia bucky x reader #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes hurt/comfort

[bbanghiitomi]

THE SAME PLACE AND DIFFERENT TIME

pairing: kim minji x fem reader

trope: fish out of water! childhood friends! first love! little bit of angst! fluff!

waking up feels weird for y/n again, inside the body of a first year college student, her little young soul is stuck somewhere she doesn't want to be. peeking on the window of her colorless room, it's an ordinary sunday, clear skies with no clouds and her view is blocked by buildings. it's so boring sitting here inside her room, a bed with no presence of a certain person she longs for. there's almost no time for her, the world is too fast and there's always something to look forward for.

but lately, her days have become more boring, it feels like she's starting to lose the meaning of a secret world she used to have as a child. consumed by sadness and boredom, y/n doesn't really know what to do, she's stuck inside her dorm maybe for a few more years?

"no, i shouldn't sulk like this..." y/n mentally sighs as she stands up from her bed and walks towards her study table. she hasn't changed one bit, at least that's what she thinks, she's the same old kid who hates sitting around looking sad, someone who persists through every conflict and is spontaneous.

if minji were to see her again, would she think the same?

y/n have always wondered about that, when she thinks of minji, she starts to miss the tall girl again, like always since she left to study far from her home. y/n at first liked to believe it hasn't been that long, until maybe a few more years passed because she hopes when she comes back, minji would remember her again.

but in reality, it's been more than 2 years, 5 years to be exact... in that amount of time, how many memories did minji make without y/n? how many people did she meet?

how long did she ever think about y/n? when every hour felt like another day without warmth for y/n.

does she care for y/n anymore? the thought is extremely scary, thinking about being forgotten is scary...

y/n sits on her chair, grabbing her laptop as she opens it and looks at an email from her school, after her test, the school announces a break for the students and it's 4 weeks.

enough time to go back to gangwon province and maybe see minji again.

"no!" y/n shakes her head as she buries her face on her palms, the warmth of embarrassment spreads around her face. will she even remember me? y/n thinks to herself as she sighs, stretching her arms to her table and leaning over to it, her fingers touching the small and fuzzy bear figurine that minji have gifted her before, there's a smaller version of it, the baby bear.

back then, there really wasn't a lot to worry about, just when y/n's piano practice starts or when minji needs to go back home. back then, these feelings she had for minji were all just something to laugh about and forget tomorrow, but it turned into something bigger the longer she looks for minji.

times used to be more simple and minji used to be enough for her to reach, maybe she have wished for too much and that dream she had since she was little came true, but now y/n feels lonely.

the girl also comes across her last messages to minji, before everything went radio silent.

"sorry!" as if she have caused minji some trouble again.

"it's okay. message me again when you're free." minji sent her.

"okay!" y/n's reply and she hasn't gotten any free time ever since.

should she really come back? is the biggest question she wants to know right now, before she spends her break rotting on her bed all day long.

luckily, y/n's parents came to the rescue, they've been planning on building a small house in a small town in the province and they wanted to hear her thoughts. that means y/n can have an actual reason to go back...

on her way home in the car, y/n sits behind and listens as her parents converse. "what have our daughter been doing? we missed you so much." y/n's mother pipes in, the girl gives her mother a smile before leaning towards her mother's seat. "a lot actually, i didn't know there's a lot to do in college."

her father's laughs, shaking her head. "you'll get used to it kid, we've been living in the city for 5 years... things will get more rocky in the future." he says, y/n nods and smiles at her father. "i understand." she mutters.

her mother smiles endearingly at the interaction before looking behind her daughter who immediately meets her gaze, "don't you want to see minji?" she asks, y/n raises her brows and purses her lips before leaning back to the backseat and shrugging.

"i actually don't know if i want to..." she admits, sighing before laughing and shaking her head. "it's just that, it's been 5 years." she adds, y/n's father takes a peek at his daughter and looks at his wife before back at the road.

"didn't we talk to her family last week?" he asks, y/n's mother perks up and nods, looking at their daughter, who then gives them both a confused look.

"oh right! we missed the town so much, we decided to build a home again in the same neighborhood." y/n looks at her parents and squints her eyes at them before speaking. "okay? and what did you guys talk about?" the parents look at each other before laughing.

"a lot, about the house, the town, the city, university and you! minji said she misses you." y/n's father say and y/n cannot help the way her eyes widens. "o-oh... really?" she mutters.

her mother nods with a bright smile. "she said, you seem very busy and she was wondering why you weren't with us." y/n fixes her hair and the way she sits, before raising her index finger. "so, what do you guys plan to do there?" she asks.

her father looks straight to the road, occasionally peeking at his daughter from time to time. "well, minji's family owns a small inn, right? we can stay there for a while, talk about what we want our house to look like." he shrugs, y/n nods and gives her parents a small smile.

"i won't mind that. i wish it would look like our old house though." the girl receives nods from her parents and it didn't take them any longer until they finally arrived their old town.

standing in the middle of the street, y/n looks rather... lost? or maybe she is, the day is about to end and y/n starts to hear crickets all over the place. it's as if she's never been in this town, there's so many turns, left and right and it's making her head dizzy.

there weren't that much people too, it's like she's in a ghost town! it's not like this in the city, so bustling and loud, full of life.

and y/n starts to wonder whether she was really from this place, did she really grow up here? why does this place look so unfamiliar? just a few moments ago, y/n walked away from the inn before she could even see minji, wanting to gain enough courage to talk to the tall girl again.

and now here she is, lost in the town, not sure where to go. this moment made y/n realize she's changed, a lot... that maybe she really wasn't the same person she was before. the small y/n would never be lost like this...

still, y/n wants to find her way back home, even if she doesn't know where.

"do you still know this way?" y/n hears someone behind her and she immediately turns her body around to look at the familiar face of her childhood friend.

"m-minji..." she can only mutter, minji laughs and walks towards the girl. "why did you leave? when i went to welcome your family to the inn, you were nowhere." y/n shakes her head and puts a hand on her face and she sighs.

"i just wanted to walk around..." though, it was clearly a lie. minji nods and raises her hand as if to gesture y/n to follow. "let's go back to the inn." minji tells the girl, a very endearing and totally not charming smile on her face.

the girl nods and tucking in lost strands of her hair behind her ear before watching minji walk past her and the girl follows immediately.

minji doesn't look back but she's smiling, it's nerve-wracking, y/n doesn't know what to really say as if the words are stuck in her throat. no motivation to fight for her feelings.

"so, how's the city? i heard many great things come from there." minji starts, looking behind. the girl looks at minji and sees the smile on minji's face, her round eyes and very recognizable lips. y/n looks down with a blush on her cheeks and then back up at minji again as she laughs. "oh it's fine, i grew kind of tired of the noise and how boring the city could be." y/n answers, minji blinks twice before turning to the road again.

as they walk, they see kids frolic around the area, to the park and around some corners of the village. seeing that makes y/n reminisce about the past again, how fun and simple it was, what did change? she wonders.

"wasn't it your dream? you told me before." minji remembers that, but remembering it reminded you that you wanted that dream for your parents, because it's a big thing.

"my parents' actually, but then again, their dreams are mine." y/n sees minji nod, her back turned to y/n again as they walk and finally reach the inn. surprisingly, your parents weren't that upset, very understanding too. "thank god minji was there earlier, we knew she'd pick you up right away." y/n's father walks over to minji and pats her shoulder.

"so happy to see you again kid! i'm sure my daughter is too." minji smiles at y/n's father, nodding her head before looking at y/n, who cannot find a way to avoid the other girl. "that's great to know. have you brought your things up inside your inn already, sir?" she asks, and y/n's parents nod.

"we did! don't worry, by the way we should get going for now. we haven't gotten dinner." y/n's mother waves her hand towards minji and leaves with her husband, y/n stops walking in front of minji and looks at her parents before back at minji.

"thanks... i hope i didn't bother you." she smiles apologetically and fixes her hair, minji feels her heart beating as she looks at the girl. minji shrugs and shakes her palms that are starting to get wet. "nope, it's okay. you should get some rest now."

"okay, see you tomorrow." they stare at each other for a good 3 minutes before y/n looks away and starts walking unusually faster to their inn.

"you left the construction site?" minji asks the girl, who looks up from where she was sitting and stands up, fixing her skirt. minji's eyes went to look at y/n's skirt and immediately, like nothing happened up at y/n's eyes.

"uh huh." she says, nodding her head before laughing sheepishly. "i got bored and yeah, i want to do something else." y/n says, minji nods and puts her hands on the pocket of her pants.

"you haven't changed a bit." minji says, letting out a small chuckle. y/n look up back at her, raising an eyebrow at the tall girl. "what?" she whispers, minji walks behind a bit. "i mean, i don't think you changed at all. you're still the same girl from before." y/n feels her cheeks blaze as she nods, humming.

the playground is empty in the middle of the day, when kids are at school, just like it was before. it's almost as if it was the same place, and yes it was but... it also feels like the same time, y/n doesn't feel like she's grown any older.

yes, minji looked more mature, looked prettier, taller and her hair grew longer and more silky.

"really? i always thought i've changed a lot." y/n tells minji, she receives a smile from the other girl. "well, you looked prettier now. but other than that, you wear the same type of clothes." y/n blinks when minji says that she turned prettier... y/n blinks again and laughs sheepishly, looking down on her skirt.

"ah yeah, i feel more like myself in these." truth to be told, it's more on projection. thinking about how much she's changed mentally is tiring, it's like the life in city left her caged with nothing to do but the same thing. the only way she can relived her past self is by wearing the same clothes she used to wear.

minji looks at y/n's clothes and back the the girl's face. "it's nice. living in the city, i'm surprised you're still hesitant about your looks." minji chuckles and scratches the back of her head, y/n blinks her eyes twice and then away. "i just feel like sometimes i don't feel right in my own clothes."

"you look right, amazing even." minji shrugs before offering her hand to y/n. "it's been so long since i last saw you." minji adds, y/n stretches her arm and opens her hand to hold minji's, the texture of minji's palm never changes, despite all the work she does in their house it's still soft.

"i'm sorry if i couldn't even message you..." y/n says, recalling the times she couldn't make any time to reply or even hit minji up. minji shrugs and caress y/n's hand. "i understand, it's not easy being in college. i hope you're fine though..." y/n smiles at minji and puts another hand on their hands.

"i'm so glad to see you again, it feels so weird..." y/n purses her lips before sighing and speaking again. "it's like i'm going around chasing a bunny, then again i'm lost." minji nods, tilting her head to get a better look of your face.

"some people really don't understand the secret this world has." there's so much to do, so much to eat, so much to say, so many to love and care for. there's not enough time to do everything but the most. y/n looks up at minji as the tall girl speaks. "you told me before right? that happiness are those small things."

at the end of the day, y/n is just a crybaby.

in this bright world full of fantastic things, there's no time to feel bored.

"yeah... and we used to eat cookies, and almost i don't know what i was doing before." y/n laughs, minji looks away. there's a blooming, ticklish, funny feeling inside minji when she's here holding your hands, it's the same giddy feeling while playing stupid games before, the same feeling looking at your face but this feeling was never there for anyone else.

"you used to never think twice, no matter how crucial it is. you also used to get lost a lot too, then i'd look for you." minji says, y/n giggles and brings their hands closer to her chest. "thinking about those stuff, feels like looking at a picture book right?" y/n says, minji nods.

the skies are turning orange, and kids are running towards the playground. maybe the reason the little kid y/n was before didn't get lost because she had minji.

"you used to always get in trouble..." minji laughs and y/n shakes her head, whining. "i was just really annoying!"

it's such a ridiculous story, feels like no one will believe. seeing minji's face again, the patch of mud on the sidewalk and the kids frolicking around in their own world.

"i missed you a lot." minji speaks again, this time her voice sounded more delicate as if she meant every one of her word. it's been so long, days, weeks, months and years have passed but minji still remembers y/n.

the girl looks at minji as if she's about to cry, because those words mean a lot to her. y/n nods, letting go of minji's hand before she steps and wraps her arms around minji. "i missed you too!" y/n sobs, causing minji to laugh.

"come on, are you really just gonna weep like that?" minji teases, y/n buries her head on minji's shoulder, wiping her tears on the taller girl's shirt. "seriously..." y/n whispers.

minji pats y/n's back, an arm around the girl's waist. "ah, it's getting darker." minji mutters, y/n ignores her and sobs again. "i really think of you a lot, when i look at my last message to you... i wish i can do something about it." y/n whispers, her voice cracking every syllable.

"you know i'm not going anywhere, right?" minji whispers back, putting her hand on top of y/n's head. y/n nods, it's not about that. the girl hates the idea of being away from minji again, she's hated that idea but seeing minji again, like this... makes her hate it even more.

minji isn't leaving but minji is also not going to be there always, it's not about whether she's going to leave or not... after all those years, her little silly feelings for minji, turned into something bigger and more serious, when she yearns for minji's warmth that space inside her heart turns more shallow.

maybe, y/n is scared minji might find someone else...

"don't look for anyone else other than me..." y/n whispers, minji widens her eyes as she hears what was said. minji turns her head to take a peek of y/n's face, but all the girl did was bury her face deeper on minji's neck.

"what do you mean?" this is it. this must be really it.

y/n may feel guilty for sounding selfish admitting that she hates the idea that minji will find someone who'll love her too.

"i... i want to be honest, ever since i left i started to miss you more everyday, it feels like it was never gonna end." y/n takes a sharp breath. feeling the way her heart squeezes as if pouring out all the feelings she's harbored for minji on those years they were away from each other.

it feels like she's inside a woods, lost inside the forest with nowhere to go except the only path she can see.

"it was so long... everything feels like it's the same everyday. people around me moved on, went past and never looked back. i couldn't because i feel it too deeply, and i love too much..." y/n pulls away from minji, letting go of the tall girl... that also forced minji to let her hands off of y/n.

"i didn't want to be left alone, i didn't want to think of you with someone else!" y/n sees the way minji looks at her, the tall girl looks at the playground, the kids are all going home.

y/n puts her hand on her face, wiping her stupid tears away.

"i never looked for anyone else but you... i see you on and off on your account, it gives me hope that you're still there. we're stuck on the same memory, i think of you too a lot." minji shrugs as she speaks and reaches for y/n's hand, minji hears y/n trying to suppress her tears.

"y/n? are you serious?" minji chuckles and holds y/n's hand tighter. the girl looked confused, she tucks in strands of stray hair behind her ear. minji sighs. "i take my time to let you know i'm just here for you to lean on to, stupid messages, so short but it's alright because i know you're okay." minji continues, her other hand reaches for y/n's shoulder.

y/n was silent, she looks like she's hesitating but in reality, there's nothing but minji inside her head.

"it's because i like you!" y/n opens her mouth and stares at minji, surprised about what she had said. minji leans her head closer, seeing y/n blink her eyes and lifting her hands to cover her face.

minji hears y/n whine and she holds the girl's shoulders. "hey..."

"i don't why? we only talk through messages and they're not even that long! i've tried to hard to get rid of these feelings but it's not working! you're really the only one i want..." y/n grumbles, her voice is muffled but still audible that it makes minji smile to see how intense the girl's feelings are for her.

"i understand." minji states as she moves her hand to hold y/n's nape, pulling her closer and making the girl take her hands off of her face until their foreheads touch. minji holds y/n's waist with her other hand. "don't ever change, okay? you and your feelings, don't change." minji whispers.

y/n hears the crickets and then maybe her own heartbeat, distracted by the way minji looks at her eyes... it could be the street lamps but minji's eyes looks like she has the whole milky way galaxy in them.

minji laughs as she feels how warm y/n has gotten.

out of nowhere, the tall girl leans to kiss y/n on the lips, not that long but enough for y/n to feel it linger all over her.

the wind blows, but suddenly it's not so cold here anymore.

minji doesn't give y/n any time to react and immediately pulls her in a hug. "dummy. i love you too, okay? you're not alone." minji mutters.

y/n lowers her head, leaning on minji's shoulder and she finds herself diving in deeper in their hug. "gosh, this feels like it's not real..." y/n mutters, minji laughs again and places a kiss on y/n's cheek.

"but it is real, wanna go back to the inn?" minji asks, gently lifting y/n from the ground, causing the girl to shriek and laugh.

and it's fun like that, exploring new feelings and diving in it without thinking much. it's fun basking on its wonderful effects, how amazing love can be or just how unpredictable circumstances are sometimes.

it's another day, y/n feels like she dreams a lot now. she doesn't want to forget her dreams.

when the girl sits up, she opens her eyes and sees how blurry her vision was. the girl rubs her eyes for a few seconds, before opening them again.

she was greeted by the pink walls of her room, exactly the same copy of her childhood room but without the stains of time.

was she dreaming? y/n peeks on her window, a very sunny day with bright skies and clouds all over the blue horizon.

just an ordinary day.

y/n looks on the floor of her room, her shoes with a patch of mud on it.

thankfully, she wasn't dreaming at all.

the door of her room opens, from the shoes, y/n looks up to see minji smiling at her. "hey, it's 11am already." the girl says, y/n smiles and jumps off of her bed, running towards minji and embracing the tall girl in a hug.

"ah! thank you!" y/n rubs her cheek on minji's shoulder, humming. the tall girl looks at her girlfriend, confused. "what happened?" she asks.

y/n shakes her head and laughs. thinking that what if everything was a dream? y/n was scared that once she opens her eyes, minji will be out of reach again. but she's wrong, minji is here.

"nothing, i'm so happy you're here again! and that you wake me up before it gets late." y/n says, minji nods and pats y/n's head, sighing. "ah yeah, come on we have somewhere to go." minji pulls y/n out of her room, their laughter is heard across the corridor as they walk to the dining room.

y/n might have been lost on her way home, maybe it took her too long to find her way back... but she's back! that's all that matters, minji is with her to guide her wherever she goes, just like when they were younger.

#newjeans #kpop #female reader #kpop imagines #newjeans imagines #girl group #girlgroup imagines #kim minji #newjeans minji #kim minji x reader #minji x reader #kpop x female reader #fluff #newjeans fanfic #fanficiton #kpop gg #girlgroup #Spotify

[scientia-rex]

Read some more of Toxic Parents tonight and wow!!!! the amount of anger I have!!! and the incredible unwillingness I have to actually remember my childhood and feel associated feelings!!!!! Like, there are events I keep telling over like talismans, because these are the events that prove I'm not crazy. These are things that happened that should never have happened. The time Dad kicked the door in is the biggest one. The time I spent twelve straight hours cowering in the far back of our station wagon with my fingers jammed in my ears so I wouldn't hear my father screaming at my mother and my mother sobbing as we drove to a different state. The time I told my mother I had gotten accepted to graduate school and her first words were, "How are you going to pay for it?" instead of "Congratulations" or "I'm proud of you."

But these aren't all of it. They're so far from all of it. One memory I have is not of the presence of abuse, but the sudden, bewildering absence of it: my sister drove me to the nearest town with a mall, an hour and a half away. We were stopping to pick up snacks for the drive back, I think at a Safeway. I picked up a box of Golden Grahams cereal and nervously asked my sister if I could have it. She said, "Of course you can, you know what you want." In the limbus of a childhood spent being told I was picking the wrong soda for myself when I gave my order at fast food restaurants, suddenly being told I could have what I wanted T-boned me emotionally. It was like running into a wall I hadn't known was there. What? I can just want things? I can just get things and have them because I want them? I don't have to justify it, or lie, or hide what I want? No one is going to tell me I'm stupid for wanting something or that I'll regret it?

Just an incessant drip-drip-drip of emotional abuse, sometimes punctuated by a flash flood. "If I leave your mother, how do you think you're going to eat? You're going to end up on the street."

And now, reading the section on how children end up feeling about the passive parents who enable abuse, I just think, oh, there's me! There's me. I hated her and pitied her and loved her and wanted more for her. I didn't have the adult emotional capacity to understand how much of her life she was complicit in, but damningly, I did vaguely, tangentially understand that she was constantly making excuses for Dad--coming to my bedroom to sit on my bed and tell me, while crying, that he was sorry, while he never apologized. Making it my job to comfort her. I said to her once that I remember, "If he was really sorry, he'd stop doing this," and she just looked at me with something that looked like sorrow but I could tell was rage--she was angry at me for not forgiving him and letting us snap right back into the "good" phase between angry outbursts, where we could, for however long it lasted, pretend to be a normal family.

And how she always resented me. She resented that I was separate from her, she resented that I could do and see and understand things she couldn't, she was angry when I went into Psychology, even angrier when I went into medicine. She's been throttling down her anger at Dad for as long as I've been alive, pretending to be malleable, having vague health complaints and maladies mixed in among the real ones, forever retiring to her bed with a washcloth over her eyes instead of interacting with me.

And now that I'm an adult, and not just an adult but a middle-aged doctor, why don't I call? Why do I insist on bringing up the past? Why do I expect Dad to apologize? I'm hurting his feelings, after all.

The past. Sure. When I graduated from medical school, he named the worst doctor we ever met and said, "He went to medical school, too. Don't get a big head."

And when we were talking, once, not long ago, maybe two years or so, about how he used to stand there and yell at us--I can't remember any of the words anymore, just the way he looked, the tone of his voice, the experience like being buffeted by a strong wind--he said, "At least your sister fought back. You just stood there and took it."

I can't imagine a clearer illustration that he doesn't actually regret his behavior. He doesn't regret his actions. He still feels justified. We were disappointments, we were failures, we weren't him, we weren't what he wanted for us, and more than that, we were convenient targets for his rage. You can do almost anything to your children and get away with it. And he didn't hit us, so it was okay, and the fact that we were hurt by the actions he took with the intent to hurt us means that we were weak. And it's okay to hurt the weak.

Christ! This is the man who, in a fit of sullen self-pity, when I gave him a mug that said "World's #1 Dad" for Father's Day when I was probably eight or nine, talked about how we both know that's not true. As if a child is your therapist. As if it were my responsibility to reassure him.

My mother has read Toxic Parents. My mother has read Why Does He Do That? She has a bachelor's and most of a master's in psychology. She has an IQ of 150. She is a bad mother. It feels like the worst judgment you can make, a bad mother. It feels worse than calling someone a bad father. Because we expect less from fathers. But a bad mother is unnatural.

But lots and lots and lots of mothers are bad at being mothers. And I love mine and I hate her, and I'm angry and I'll always be angry, and I'll die angry, and I have to try to carve what happiness I can from a world I entered into under false pretenses. I was always told I was wanted. I knew I wasn't. I may have been intentional, but I wasn't wanted.

My mother's mother just died last week. I didn't know her. She chose not to know us. I hadn't seen her since I was twenty-two and graduated from college. My mother is struggling with her relationship with her mother. She often tells me her mother was a narcissist. I want to ask her what she thinks she is. She's not a narcissist, but she's an enabler, she's a doormat, she's a classic case of codependency, and I don't think she sees it that way. I always got the sense she was just waiting for us to grow up and go away so she and Dad could go back to being happily miserable alone together.

I asked her, this last year, if she'd read Why Does He Do That? and she said she had, and she asked me carefully why I was thinking about it, waiting for me to confess to her that my husband of ten years was abusive. She's been gunning for this relationship since the beginning--I'd been with him for maybe a year when she mailed me a copy of He's Just Not That Into You (or maybe it was the sequel, It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken) along with an article on how to date as a single older woman. I was 23. She was flabbergasted when I said I thought Dad was abusive. Denied it immediately. I listed examples and she didn't even say words, just made simultaneously pained and exasperated noises.

She wants me to be single and a career failure and pathetic so she can feel good about herself in comparison. Dad thinks he wants me to be like him, but if I actually behaved like he does, I think he finally would belt me.

I had to hide everything good in me from them so they wouldn't deliberately ruin it. I couldn't tell them about my writing. The first time I finished writing a novel I told Mom and she didn't even acknowledge it, just told me to do the dishes. I was sixteen. I can't tell them what I love about my husband because it would be like speaking to them in a foreign language. They think it's a performance, like their performance, and they're always waiting for me to slip up and reveal the misery they're sure is lurking just underneath.

I've done well. They don't own me. I wish I had real parents, but I'm going to try not to shop for oranges at the hardware store anymore.

#the attending dr. kristophine

[astrologiayadumu]

Having a 10H moon.

I’ve never understood this placement, all I know is its supposed to be difficult but I never new how.

I only ever related to the zodiac sign its in.

However I've seen an astrologer claim how it is a karmic placement and people with their moon in the 10H struggle to understand their emotions. And now things click.

First of this is a placement for people who naturally attract fame wherever they are. Also the 10H rules career, responsibility, and hard work. People with this placement tend to have grown up in households where their moms were career women. Their mothers dedicated most of their time to their work and therefore had a distant relationship with their moms as they did not spend much time together. This moons signs karmic work is understanding their own emotions.

First off, I think the reason understanding or being in touch with one's emotions with this placement is difficult is because we have no idea who our mothers are. Their personality is unknown to us as it is expressed more with other people. It is also vice versa as well, our mothers don't know much about our personalities. Since the moon rules the mother, not being close to your mother will have an effect on your emotions and inner world as the person closest to (supposed to at least) and has the biggest effect on your personality ( the moon is considered the deepest and most personal part of someone) knows you the least. I’d like to add your mother will find out more about who you are through other people than from observing you. Like your daughter is so….. (insert whatever) - from other parents. You know those children adults are always talking about and other parents try to befriend their moms the 10 H rules the public and fame. So that's how your mother sees you, by the image others on the outside have of you. Making your inner world even more complicated because you can't differentiate who you are when you're with others and who you are when you're by yourself.

Moon in the 10H tend to show their true selves in public when they're socializing than with their own mothers. People sense their sensitivity immediately. Growing up they're probably the children who were randomly crying in class because of an issue they wouldn't tell anyone. There was no escape as they could express their feelings at home and since they're always on the spotlight they just have express their true emotions in front of others. They were also raised in households that didn't allow emotional expression, especially sadness( I wasn't allowed to cry at home) so i’d just find myself breaking down in front of strangers, classmates, and friends. Not that we like to cry in public, of course when we grow older we prefer to keep our emotions to ourselves, but we had nowhere to go as children, home is not where we could be our true selves. Therefore, a common feature with these natives is starting their career young as a way of escape from their childhood homes and moving out early and making a home for themselves. They also make sure their homes are safe or hidden from the public as it is their escape from the constant attention they receive. It’s also always private.

They also deeply care about their work and how it looks to the public. They’ll put a lot of effort into their work because it usually reflects their emotions. The type of people to restrict their sleep and rest to get work done. As adult they realise the have a lot of work ethic and it probably stems from the fact that they never had anyone help them with anything school-related growing up. They parents were probably always busy at work. ( This placement is common with people whose parents have major 10H house placements) Whether its school projects that require extras help from adults, dealing with applications to things, important documents, or anything that would require a parent. So this makes them very efficient growing up. Someone who can get things done without the help of others.

#moon #astro observations #astrology #10h #capricorn

[icarusxxrising]

// long ramble TLDR just me discussing how I found my politics at the beginning

When I was a baby leftist the final push for me into anarchism wasn't when I learned what anarchy actually was, it was 1 event leading to a culmination of recognizing one of the biggest problems in social and economic systems was people having power over each other.

When I first got into leftism there was nothing on Anarchism when I tried to lookup "beginner leftist books". It was The Communist Manifesto, State and Revolution, The ABCs of Socialism, etc. Nothing about Anarchism though.

I tried to connect to Communism through reading and content creators but it couldn't stick for me. Not to say I'm not a communist now but my communism is different, and more inherent to my Anarchism. A lot of communist creators I watched talk were very intelligent on the system and helped me realize some positives, but they never could talk about the negatives of past communist ideologies.

When people addressed genuinely negative things that communist regimes did, like their treatment of disabled people or the genocide campaigns, they responded with facts about literacy rates going up. Obviously something like literacy rates going up IS a positive that should be addressed, but they could never just say "Yeah that was fucked up, we don't condone that bullshit, here's how we are going to stop that from happening". (Hell a ton of communists idolize and have pfps of some of the dudes that did horrible shit).

Even if I disagree I'll respect a communist who will say "These regimes did xyz fucked up shit, We can do better and learn from this fucked up shit tho", and I have met some that do that, but I couldn't click into the communism being fed to me because it once again felt like blind worship and just redoing the past rather than striving for something that would fit our modern society.

Ironically the first time I thought "Power corrupts people always" was when I found out TST founders were gross and Fascistic. I was getting into Satanism and was excited by the idea of TST fighting for religious freedoms within the system (lib moment), and how they were gay friendly and had posts about respecting lgbt ppl unlike COS who just said summarized "who cares what you feel about them as long as no one tells you you can't do that :)".

But when I found out about Queer Satanic and actually dove into the history of TST it was kinda this Camel Straw moment. I was angry I had supported a shitty organization and I was angry that something that could be good was controlled by shitty people who could just do fuck all bc they had power. It made me realize that as long as there was a person in power over others that there would be problems. It made me think of my childhood and how when parents have complete authority over their children it causes harm more often than not just by the nature of Exploitation that comes with holding power.

I didn't know what Anarchism was yet or that it was a real leftist ideology, I just thought it meant Chaos and Warmonger, but I took the steps into it without knowing just from the realization I had.

When I did find out about Anarchism it clicked for me. A style of communism and workers unions that won't hold power over individuals. And then I just began to learn more and it makes sense for me. It doesn't matter how many times other people told me it was unrealistic, my brain can conceive Anarchism better than systems that call for few people to hold power over entire populations.

Too be fair, I've always had anarchistic tendencies growing up, but once I found it the pieces just fell into place.

* This isn't for debating if you come into my comments with some USSR bullshit I'll just tell you to walk somewhere dangerous and block you *

#leftist #anarchy #leftism #anarchism #anarchist #socialism #socialist #communist #communism #theory #satanism #tst #queer satanic

[lorenzo-zanetta]

February 2024

Ten minutes to eight, Lorenzo stepped out of his sleek silver Mercedes Benz, handing the key to the valet. Thanking him, a doorman stepped up to graciously usher the dark Italian into the lavish building, its lobby gleaming in marble and gold.

"Good evening, sir," greeted the concierge from behind the counter. He smiled politely at Lorenzo, standing at the ready. "How may I help you?"

"My name is Lorenzo Zanetta," Lorenzo informed the man. "I'm here to see a Katrina Owens from Houston Advisory," confidently providing a fake name to one of New York's biggest realities, giving the man opposite no chance to question his purpose. With one swift nod, the concierge made quick work on his computer, soon finding the visitor's name and directing him to the eighteenth floor.

The trip to the upper levels was quick, and soon, Lorenzo was walking out into an immensely spacious — but empty office — floor space.

"Thinking of retiring to a 9 to 5?"

"And be like you?" Lorenzo quipped, having no need to see who it was. He knew that voice from anywhere. "No, thanks."

"Then why did you ask to meet here?" Crossing the room from behind the shadows, Giovanni Fiore soon stood side by side with his childhood best friend, hands in his pockets and a grim look on his face.

Though the two were currently at odds with each other given what had recently happened between Lorenzo and Giovanni's youngest sister, Vienna, they had agreed there were much bigger problems to attend to.

"Precaution." Lorenzo didn't feel the need to elaborate. By his tone alone, he knew Giovanni understood; not only did they need a private place to talk, but an alibi in case questions arose. "Does Nic know you're here?"

"No," Giovanni replied. "I didn't want to... get her upset."

From the tone of his voice to his reflection on the window, Giovanni's concern was hard to ignore. But Lorenzo himself was at a loss with what he could say to comfort his friend. Knowing his own father and what the man was capable of was petrifying enough, but to have recently learned of why Giovanni had to disappear from Nicola's life six years ago was a whole other thing completely.

"So... what's our plan?" There it was — the dreaded question.

Lorenzo had to take a minute, as if neither of them had already spent hours upon hours wondering if there was even an answer to such a question. Standing there felt like he was eighteen again, plotting with Giovanni on how they could explain having been caught throwing a no-parent party in Laglio. But things have changed since. Lives were on the line this time. Literally.

"Honestly," Lorenzo exhaled in quiet defeat. "I think we should just come clean with it." Finally turning to face his best friend, he could see his clear apprehension mirrored in Giovanni's face. "I mean, I know there are risks involved," he started, garnering a derisive snort from his friend, "but if Nicky stands by you, with child, what is he going to do, gun her down, too???"

But even as he said it, Lorenzo wasn't so sure himself. Would Antonio still carry out his old threat to Giovanni once he finds out his daughter had found her way back to her lover? Could he submit her to the same, if not worse, fate as he did six years ago? They'd almost lost her then; how far would he go to defend his ego over his love for family?

"I don't want to run from this anymore," Giovanni said at last, his voice quiet but determined. "I'm so tired of running. But I'd do anything to protect her and our baby..."

"Then we tell him," Lorenzo decided as confidently as he wished he sounded. "I'll be there, too. If not for your protection, at least to remind him of what he stands to lose," he murmured darkly. "I'm sure we can all agree that the last thing we want is for Nicola to get stressed and have her risk losing another child..."

"No," Giovanni turned away, his face growing somber. "Never again..."

* All conversations are in Italian.

#[ lorenzo zanetta || narrative 04 ]

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

How good of a parent is George Stacy?

Okay, this was going to be part of another post, but it got so long that I decided that you know what? Let's give its own.

I want to make one about Miles's parents and a bit of a preview: 1) Rio and Jeff, while not perfect, LEAGUES better than George, and all things considered they almost deserve a medal for how patient they are about the situation and 2) Part of the reason that post hasn't come out yet, is because I had been trying to get dig some sources about some cultural differences between America vs Latin America, as well as Puerto Rico and the importance of family (because I am not from PR, just to make sure instead of assuming is similar because our countries aren't that far,) and how diaspora also impacts this.

As you can imagine, that's a lot of things to consider, unlike this, that is the equivalent of not-so-well adjust adult in their mids twenties screaming about adult parents because hey, I am bitter and I think Gwen deserves better.

This also will talk a bit about cops, implied childhood neglect, nothing would get too graphic but take this into account.

Let's go!

There are many reasons why I think this, but let's start with the biggest one: Peter's death.

Now, I can't say this is entirely George's fault; if you see things from his perspective, it all makes sense in his eyes.

In his eyes, you need to have a public face when you do this type of job, you shouldn't hide. That sounds dumb, especially when taking into account the type of villains spider people fight, which usually is the type that will try to go to your loved ones to hurt you.

However, he kind of has a point. If there is damage, if someone else gets hurt, even by accident, the person who did should be able to face consequences.

Do police do this? Not really, at least not in most places I had lived, maybe is different somewhere else, but let's not dig too much into politics here. Perhaps in Gwen's universe the police system works; this is a work of fiction with super senses that can travel past dimensions and time, this isn't the craziest thing.

Going back to the point.

In George's eyes, SpiderWoman, at least at the beginning, should give a name, since you shouldn't hide with that amount of power. The guy doesn't realize the fine print because either he isn't aware of it, or thinks the bad guys can be stopped easily enough that the vigilante in question shouldn't worry.

Then, the next time you see her, she is with the corpse of your daughter's best friend; and for how she behaves later; the last friend she has to his knowledge.

Sure, he doesn't have any idea of what happened, but as far as he knows, she killed him. This also checks out with the fact that he believes you shouldn't hide, and go by the book; he probably believes that if she truly didn't do anything, Spiderwoman would have cooperated with the police because is innocent; so if she is running, is because she is guilty.

Could all this be fixed if she had talked to him at some point about this? While she was hugging Peter's corpse, while grieving him, before this all happened? Maybe, maybe if he could have known what was at risk, why she was doing it; and emotions weren't running high, this could have been better.

There is some blame on both sides in this situation, however-

This, is a good indicator of something.

Look, we don't have an exact time of how long has been since Peter died, or when exactly this conversation happened, we aren't even sure how much time has been since ITSV in this instant either. We only know this conversation happened a few months before ATSV, and that's not much.

However, I can't believe this is too recent, anyone feels free to bring me the evidence; but until we have something set in stone, I believe Peter died not so long after Gwen became Spider Woman, if only because the bite and the death of someone close to them are fairly close. And by ITSV, Gwen already has been SpiderWoman for 2 years.

(I don't think it was a matter of days, personal headcanon is a few weeks, since Peter had pictures of SpiderWoman and everyone close to her knew about it, which meant she already gathered a bit of a name in the area. As well as enough for Peter to want to be more like her.)

All of this is to say: It has to be a while, and Gwen is clearly not interested in this topic.

Considering the possible timeline, it has been a while since Peter died; I don't think this is the first time they have had a similar conversation, maybe not with Gwen shouting, but with her preferring to not talk about it, or move on.

Is not that odd; sure, partially because Gwen doesn't want her dad to hate her alter ego, but the fact of the matter is this: Gwen is telling her dad that she doesn't want revenge, she doesn't want to continue chasing anyone. Even if Gwen and Spiderwoman were different people; Peter was her best friend, she was the one who suffered the biggest loss, and she has the right to mourn her friend as she wants.

I understand that George needs to do his "job," and that a lot of people feel relieved when the murder of a loved one is captured; but Gwen is telling him that is not going to her grief, and he clearly hasn't been able to help her with that.

I didn't want to put that image because this post is going to be long; however, when Gwen says she quit the band, he looks a bit unsure at first, and then breaks the news that he feels they are closer to capturing Spiderwoman.

George is trying to bring good news, but the fact that she commented on quitting the band, and this was his first idea to how "cheer her up," shows how much he doesn't know how to help her out.

Can't he help her because she isn't telling him the full story? Yes, but that fear comes out of nowhere? Nope!

I try to do one pic with multiple scenes for this one, it's a trial; hopefully, Tumblr doesn't mess up the quality too badly.

George says "I have a job to do," when Gwen says Spiderwoman may be innocent. Not only this is the truth, George doesn't have all the facts; Spiderwoman was cradling Peter's body when he came by, and she ran away after he pointed a gun at her and has been hostile. The fact that anyone would be nervous at that doesn't come across his mind, let alone; the position she was in with Peter wasn't anything close to lethal. Not to mention that the other students should at least have mentioned, that the lizard try to attack them, and probably that regardless of what happened to Peter was voluntarily or not, as far as everyone is aware, no one knew Peter was the lizard. I doubt they didn't examine his body to figure that one out, considering this is supposed to be attempted murder so they probably checked stuff.

I bet this happens often. Look, I get it, both of my parents are alive but I grew up mostly with one parent for most of my life, and this parent had a very time-consuming job, as well as energy-consuming. I understand that even if we don't know how long Gwen's mom has been gone (though you can guess a while considering she isn't mentioned at all in either movie.) George has a job to do. That being said...Gwen has probably suffered from this; you can see it later in her face, in the fact that her color changes (she was blue as sadness, got warm when they hug, and then went back to blue when he left her.) She probably has to spend a lot of time alone for this, perhaps for a while she was terrified that she would lose her dad forever in a job, considering how dangerous is his line of work. And while it may be the right thing to do for your work/duty, it definitely means he is prioritizing his job over her; Gwen said it more than once, her dad is all she has, and she probably doesn't have an uncle Aaron, even with other living relatives, they are clearly not close enough. If he dies, Gwen effectively becomes an orphan, and goes to the house of someone she isn't close to, blood or not. (Sidenote, hey how are the chances Miles also had the same fear, and both becoming heroes partially, to ensure they can be there for their respective fathers?) Let me tell you a painful truth; even if George has good intentions in doing what he does, none of that eliminates Gwen's pain. If a kid loses a parent in a fire-related accident because the parent was a firefighter and they risked their life, it doesn't mean the kid doesn't grieve a parent just because said parent didn't abandon them like a deadbeat; in fact, if it is for a noble reason, it may make those feelings more complicated and difficult to deal, especially without professional help (that I doubt Gwen has gotten much of.) And I am sorry, but there is a difference even in my hypothetical scenario, because is one thing having a risky job when you have another partner, and in case you have family or friends that can be there for them in case something happens to you. As far as we can see, the closest they had was Ben and May Parker, which is nowhere to be found in the present time. I am sorry, but in my eyes, that's failing Gwen, especially because she is suffering from needing to deal with sudden absences, possible wounds, and scares.

She is giving her big speech as to why she needs to do this after he attempts to walk on her for being salty (which I still feel annoyed at, I think he should have groveled, but WHATEVER, not the point.) And he is trying to justify this as "you need to obey the law no matter what." Look, I understand there are laws for a reason, but laws can be fallible, and in this case, hurt the wrong people. Both in real life and in this moment, if they try to go by the law, things would get worse; Gwen would have her identity leaked, and even if proven innocent, more people would be at risk for it.

The last two pics show the same point but also illustrate the gravity of the situation in different ways. First, George refused to listen to Gwen, despite her trying to explain the situation to him. And btw, the second? that's not when she is masked, that's when she has already revealed her identity, just before Miguel shoots a trap at him. Sure, he may not have pulled the trigger, but that's EXTREMELY close to pointing at her, and let's remind you, he didn't stop because he remembered she was his daughter, he didn't have to point directly at her because Miguel threw a trap to him before it happened; maybe he wouldn't have pointed at her, or truly pull the trigger; however, do I need to say how absolutely HORRIFYING is for him to do this to her?

I know, all of this is happening in a specific timeline of their lives, and doesn't necessarily need to reflect their reality the rest of the time, much less that maybe things were better before Peter's death, or before she became SpiderWoman.

To that, I said: that may be an argument for real life, but this is a movie, normally, you try to show often, things that show you how a dynamic works so you have an idea of what's going on in the character's lives.

(For example, in ITSV, we see in the beginning Miles being late for school, barely getting ready, and talking to a bunch of people before his dad picks him up. While this is a new day for him, it also gives us an idea of what's normal for this family and their dynamics on a semi-regular basis.)

George, repeatedly puts his job over Gwen; there are even other hints in moments I didn't bother to show. And this is not new; as I pointed out, which really is a bad look.

Now, do I think is the worst? No, of course not; I had seen way worse before.

To be fair, this is the defense.

He is interested in what she is doing, and being his idea ask her how the practice went and check on her. Yeah, he didn't know what to say about her quitting, but aside from the guy not being the best emotionally wise (which he looks like Gwen inherited from him, not shocking considering the very likely scenario that the mom kicked the bucket early and may have also had the same issue for all we know,) but he is trying to ask about it and isn't mad for her leaving like that.

I know what you are going to say "WAIT, didn't you put this as a negative earlier?" Yes, and I still think is a negative, however; there are nuances in everything, and if I brought up the bad in that scene, I need to recognize the best. Do I think he should take the hint and drop the topic, at least? Yes, but I say this earlier: He thinks this would help, and in most cases, it does help; a big part of the reason is not going to do it in this scenario is because it makes more messes than anything else, yet if the scenario was exactly what he thought it was, perhaps it would have helped. As far as he is aware, Gwen just wants to drop the subject because she may be disappointed this hasn't been solved already, and the fact that even if it isn't, it looks like the real reason she has become so much angry and solitary.

This one kind of addressed both images, and none of them are big talking points, however, I need to say it: 1) It was HIS idea to ask for a hug, and mind you, asking; maybe is because I am someone who can't hug people they aren't comfortable with, but I prefer people ask me, especially when I am feeling emotional. 2) See how he looks at her, he clearly loves his daughter.

Gwen went to hug him, if he was that much of a horrible father, she wouldn't have done this, let alone as quickly.

I know this one carries controversy, but yes, I believe Gwen is a trans girl, and probably has been out for a while (nope, I don't have sources or similar, just hc based on other clues.) I don't think I can say anything that someone else didn't say already, so I will not analyze why I think this is the case. I will say this; yes, I am aware there is no hard proof in the movie. Yes, I think is okay if other people think her dad is trans, or Peter was, or maybe everyone is just an ally. My only issue is people saying is IMPOSSIBLE to happen, or that is not the case because (insert theory with no hard proof, meaning is okay to believe it, but not to push it down anyone's throats.) With that out of the way; as someone who is trans, I can't say enough about how having a parent supporting a transition is MASSIVE. Especially early on.

He QUITS. Did he wait at the end after doing something absolutely horrifying to her, leaving her in a very vulnerable position that technically, lead her to be in a dangerous position? Yes, it took a while all things considered? Also yes. I consider those factors important, HOWEVER, he decided to quit. While the emotional wounds are probably still there, he is finally listening, and deciding to change for Gwen. Mistakes or not, he is doing the right thing, and is up to Gwen if she can forgive him or not. And she does, which should show something.

Again, it needed a very serious experience, but this was the wake-up call he needed. I didn't show it all, but he says how his job as a Captain doesn't matter anymore, because ultimately he loves her more than his position, and she is at the end of the day, the best thing he has ever done. Not becoming captain, not detaining a dangerous criminal or anything, her. I believe it would have been valid for Gwen if she decided to not forgive her dad, or that they still have a long road to recover; nonetheless, I think when you aren't the one who was directly affected, you need to take into account when someone decides to do the right thing, and turn a new leaf. Is one thing to not be able to move past a betrayal for someone really close to you; and another is hearing someone you know to some degree made mistakes and then fix them. It took me a while (in fact, almost 3 hours; there is another post that is half-done since this was part of something else, but yeah.) While I believe George Stacy did mistakes, he is turning a new leaf, and working to be better. And that's amazing in itself. If anyone thinks that the bare minimum or some of my points were the bare minimum, I think that's fine. My baseline for parenting and judging parents is kind of off, and that's as much detail as I want to give about it. One way or another, I think George for a while, wasn't able to support Gwen in all the ways she needed; he was trying his best, and a few things aren't his fault considering the circumstances. However, Gwen definitely needs more than him. Next, Gwen's possibly wanting a mom, and the role Jess plays in all of this.

#across the spiderverse #atsv #george stacy #gwen stacy #atsv files #captain stacy

[asocial-inkblot]

Just wanted to share about what one of my brothers was saying the day before.

Gonna have to paraphrase here:

So I found out recently that my brother is an "Azula wasn't sympathetic" fan; and that was his exact argument, whereas I, of course, argued the opposite. The problem was that I'm so used to and sick of hearing that same old tired argument(s) that I at times struggled to explain my viewpoint in a respectable way and ended up insulting him (first?). He insulted me too but that doesn't matter, I guess (also that's beside the point).

I realized after that we both made good points and told him as much, but I don't think I was able to convey to him what I was trying to get at. I now think the reason why he just couldn't understand where I was coming from originally (and still technically am) is that we truly were basing our arguments on two different worldviews and I believe it may be the same with other anti-Azulas (for lack of a better phrase).

His argument hinged on the idea that how you act is all you deserve to be seen as. That what someone does or how they present themself to the world, dictates how much sympathy he/she/they deserve.

Mine however, came from a place of understanding and the belief that who you can be and who you were kept from being, matter more than who you currently are, as it pertains to the deserving of sympathy.

He also argued that the general consensus of the fandom is proof enough, but we Azula fans know that the general population doesn't just get to decide how everyone views someone or something. Outliers matter too, especially large outliers like the Azula fandom (that appears to grow more and more everyday ✨⭐️).

Although I eventually agreed, for example, with his assertion that Ozai preferred Azula over Zuko because she was more "ruthless" (or less compassionate when they were young children, as I saw it). I still believe that my original point that he actually preferred her because she was the superior bender, was true as well. I argued that he used her for that reason. My brother however, I guess didn't pay attention to the word "used". Being used by a parent is damaging to a child's psyche and teaches them from a young age that they exist to satisfy others, and be tools for others' glory.

Perhaps more importantly—beyond the fact that I pointed out she was only 14, was indoctrinated almost from birth and that Ursa was NOT afraid of her but actually scolded her (due to thinking Azula was inappropriate and perhaps un-ladylike, not "evil")—I also had in mind that Ozai's favoring her was a point against her childhood, not for it. There are still people in the world that think Ozai's preference for Azula was something to envy when that couldn't be further from the truth. The fact that Ursa favored Zuko and Ozai favored Azula is one of the, if not the biggest examples of and reasons for why Azula deserved sympathy.

Children need love, appreciation, encouragement and safety. Not favoritism, egocentric-interest, manipulation and fear.

(There were other things said while my other brother watched that I angrily disagreed with and that I myself may have been wrong to say/came across as overemotional because of, but I'll stop here. At least, for now.)

Edit: Small rephrasing.

#Azula #Azula Defense #She deserved sympathy. #She deserved MULTIPLE chances too. #ATLA #Avatar the Last Airbender

[thaimeiser]

I thought of something and I apologize if anyone pointed that out before, I swear I didn't see it and I'm not stealing your observation.

I was talking to a friend of mine about He Tian's and She Li's obssession towards Mo Guan Shan when I suddenly realized that Old Xian is way clever than I thought. And the meaning behind that conclusion is that they could represent an obssession, the feeling of possessiveness with another person, that at the same time that is very similar, the objective behind it is totally different.

In the begining of 19 Days I have to admit that I hated the relationship between HT and MGS because it was full of possessiveness, abuse, violence and threatens. I know MGS was totally wrong in the incident with Zhan Zheng Xi but I saw no reason to He Tian's continuous actions towards him. It was only with time and perseverence that I learned how to start really liking their relationship.

As I was discussing with my friend, HT's past is what made him behave like that. He didn't have a mother nor a father to actually care about him, only He Cheng but he was involved with the mafia, the thing HT hated the most so you can guess what type of teen he grew up to be. A person without almost any sense of love or affection, a person who wasn't familiar with the idea of what caring actually is. So when MGS stepped into his life he did to him the only thing he knew to do. Demonstrate his feelings through domination and possessive behaviour, because that was what life teached him to do/be. Being selfish and doing what he "needed" to get what he wanted.

I'm not gonna waste too much time talking about all the aspects about HT and MGS relationship, but in summary I can say that I'm really proud of our boys. I'm proud of HT for starting to realize that this wasn't the way it was supposed to be, he wasn't going to get MGS trust or love by being a total asshole and forcing the boy to like him. His character development is still on-going, he still gotta a lot to learn, sometimes we can forget but they're still teens. That fact won't erase the very bad things he did in the past, nor do I want it to because it all shows how much our boy has improved through time, but it shows that he can be very mature for boys his age.

Whilst we see the development of HT, we see the decay of She Li to his worst period. She Li's obssession with MGS can be clearlier than HT's because he isn't after MGS love, he is after MGS undoing. He wants to see the boy wrecked, destroid and he makes it very clear.

In my point of view based in what we could see about She Li's childhood, he's also from a complicated family. His parents seemed to argue a lot to the point where their kid was being taken care by some servants, and I suppose he grew up like HT, without enough love or affection. That made him cold and distant, and with a strange fascination for d*ath and hurting people/animals. He's described as a ps*cho. I can't confirm if he really is one, but his obssession and need to dominate and humilliate MGS is an enormous red flag.

In this chapter we can see the difference between him and MGS, how they were treated. I don't think jealousy is the best word to describe what he might have felt, cause I'm not sure if he's actually capable of feeling it, I'd rather say envyness. He's envy because that little boy was feeling and having everything he didn't get the chance to experiment. MGS was feeling pain, a sensation that She Li couldn't, and was being held caringly by his mother, another thing She Li didn't have.

She Li, then, found the opportunity and started to treat MGS like an animal, "his dog", so he could take out his anger and frustration on that lucky boy who had everything. I believe he enjoys seeing MGS miserable because that's the only moment where he can actually feel something. He must feel powerfull and proud of himself for making MGS look so pityfull.

And that is the biggest difference between HT's and She Li's obsession towards MGS.

While HT seeks for MGS attention, love and affection, She Li searches for his ruin so he himself can feel something.

HT feels a desire.

She Li feels envyness.

Even though they both have a similar past and a possessive obsession with the same boy, they followed extremely different paths, in which one can find hope and the other decay.

And I admire Old Xian for creating such similar, but at the same time, opposite characters.

Yet again I apologize if someone pointed that out before and I apologize for any errors, english is not my mother language.

#19 days #he tian #mo guan shan #she li #tianshan #19天 #rambling #old xian

[grumpy-liebgott]

Miscellaneous Tag Game (pt. ii)

Made by the lovely @onehelluvamarine and thank you for the tag @panzershrike-pretz <333

A band you don’t like that many others do:

BTS. Idk why but I'm just not the biggest fan of them

A childhood memory that you remember vividly:

When I was younger, my sisters and I would put aside time every night to play blind man's bluff with my dad in my parents' room. Every night, we would choose a different person to be the blind man, and the rest of us would have either 3, 5, or 10 lives (depends on how tired my dad was that day). It didn't matter what our mood was before, after we played blind man's bluff, we were all happy and giggling. I loved those moments and I still smile at the memories.

Least favorite animal and why:

Flies and mosquitoes. THEY'RE SO ANNOYING. THE WAY THEY BUZZ BESIDE YOUR EARS AND LAND ON YOUR FOOD AND BITE YOU. Ugh I hate them so much.

Hot fandom take:

I don't knowwwww

Do you wear any jewelry, if so, what’s your favorite piece:

I rarely ever wear jewellery except for a necklace my mum had made when I was a baby. It's in the shape of a heart and has my name engraved on it. My mum and my sisters all have one of their own.

Besides that, I used to have two pairs of clip on earrings that I absolutely adored. My grandpa banned my sisters and I from ever having piercings, but I've always wanted earrings, so my mum got me those clip on ones. Sadly, I lost both of them a few months ago.

A movie others liked but you didn’t:

I don't know, maybe the new animated Super Mario Brothers movie? I fell asleep half way through it. Though, that could probably be because I was just too tired.

Three things you love about yourself:

- my hair. It has a few different shades of brown with some copper and gold strands mixed in. I have my mum's genetics to thank for that

- my ability to memorise things (very handy in exams)

- my eyes

A place you hope to visit in the future and why:

Italy. It's always been on my bucket list to visit Italy. It just looks like such a beautiful country

An actor that gets on your nerves and why:

There isn't any, really. I don't know much about celebrities lives because I don't actually care, and I think they should have their own privacy.

Things you’re excited for in the nearby future?

Celebrating Chinese new year with my family!

Least favorite ship in a fandom you’re in:

Thor/Loki from the Marvel fandom. Like, come on, they're siblings. Adopted siblings, but still!

What’s the most toxic fandom you’ve been in?

All the fandoms I've been in haven't been very toxic. But then again, the HBOWar fandom is the only one I've really interacted much with.

List three things you find beautiful about life:

- being able to watch the sky. The clouds, the stars, the moon. They're all so nice to look at.

- spending time with the people I love. Whether it's my family or my friends, I appreciate all the little things we do together

- playing with my pet dogs. I love seeing them so happy and excited when I play fetch with them

Any dreams for the future?

I hope to one day become a sucessful veterinarian who ensures long happy lives of pets, with enough income to support my family.

How are you really feeling today?

Honestly, not too good. I was tired the whole day and I'm down with a cold. Oh well, at least tomorrow is a holiday for me so I can rest up.

Tagging (no pressure) : @ronald-speirs @malarkgirlypop @a-n-t-h-e-a @l13bg0tt @1waveshortofashipwreck @blueberry-ovaries

[ask-missparker]

The Red & Purple Duo

I created cUZ helloooo I love playing around with dynamics. As we know Mia got her hubby Nikolai and Ethan got his wifey Liane…so let's put theses ladies up to the test.

Friends: Amelia Morse-Parker & Liane Felton

Sum it up -> Mia was supposed to go on a simple mission to get insight on this rich man, Ivan Trask, but her usual players had work to do. Melissa was stuck with beating a systemic grid and Nikolai was on the field in mother Russia with Marlene. She decided she wanted to go in alone as an undercover, Widowed Wife, but Hill knew she needed backup. Which lead her to this very moment..

----

She flipped around the sheets of paper sitting in front of her as her gaze fell back and forth onto the sliver dollar laced gun. She bit her bottom lip and squealed under her breath, taking the gun in hand.

"Liane. Agent Liane..of uh, SHIELD." Said the blonde pointing the gun then standing up from the chair, "Oh? Is that right? You think this is funny?"

She pointed the gun back and forth talking with the wall as if it was a bad guy. "H-how's this for a comedy? Huh?..h-you-you..i'mma gonna tear you in half and-" She stuttered trying to find the right words to say.

Suddenly the door behind her slammed shut as she screamed in fear facing the short brunette who was dressed in a black jeans, a navy blue t-shirt and ruby red necklace. She had a deadpan look on her face completely done with her bullshit as she huffed holding back an eye roll.

"AR-are you-? I'm armed here." She explained holding the gun sitting back down.

She removed the gun out of her hand and replied, "Don't be."

"Why did you have it out in the first place? Not very smart leaving your gun out.."

"I WANTED-I wanted to see how long you'll last."

"What? H-how did I do?"

"Less than 7 minutes. Somewhat better than I expected. Where did we spend our honeymoon?"

Amelia wasn't trilled with this whole plan. She would've gone with Ward or Daisy, if Nikolai wasn't available, they were busy dealing with missions for Coulson. Something about a gas fire. Again, she wished she could've done this alone. But she wasn't allowed.

Liane hummed, "God..is everything a test with you, Parker? Lighten up! Or in my case, you need a little fire to fix this."

"Funny." She said pointing to the papers, "Honeymoon? Where?"

"Bail. It was gorgeous! I was wearing a sundress and-"

"Where we did we meet?"

"Uh..recorded store? Ugh, why did it have to be a record store? Who picked that location? Romanoff?"

"Felton. Focus. Which side of the car you in?"

"Whatever side you say I get. Cause I love to drive shotgun! And your the passage princess."

Liane stood up with a giggle then sat down, deciding to lean against the table and bop her nose with her long purple nails. She was rambling on and on about something as well. Amelia just rolled her eyes, "Liane. It would be nice if you stick to the script."

She giggled bopping her nose and teasing her with a smile, "Lovey dovey car with you brought me for my birthday! And we did all the shopping we can and.."

"Well, I'm gonna die. We're gonna walk in and five seconds later just straight up dead.." Amelia added, pushing the blonde's hand away from her.

"We're gonna die cause I didn't remember the name of your childhood dog? That's not how this works. I should know my parents were married for a long time."

"And they hated each other. I saw the reports. You have no idea how this works!"

"I know how this works, okay? They're not gonna tie me up to some freaking chair and ask me the name of your childhood doggie! I mean come on..you seem like you never had one."

"You have to know a good crunch of the facts! Married people do that from the smallest thing to the biggest one."

"No they don't! They do this! We're not gonna die because we're not gonna in there with some lame story on how we met and how we are like two people in love. No, they are gonna walk in there and see you are some overcontroling OCD spor freaking and I'm too much of a flake to tell the difference. And we got together way too early for our liking. So we're stuck together now!"

"Mhm hmm."

"And I left a really good design job for this. As I was dishing tables and painting nails at a salon now like in my favorite movie. And the wedding was tiny. I wanted some big and landfill of glamour items but you wanted something smaller."

"Big weddings are too much money..as if I would spend a lot of time planning one."

"And I know you spelt with one of the grooms-Ohh maybe it was a bridesmaids? That would be a good cover story!"

"Well, I was marrying you, so I must've been very drunk. And blacked out the next day."

The two were standing up at this point as they were talking to one another.

Liane crossed her arms with a squeal and thought, "It was Patrick or Daphne wasn't it? They would love to have that over my head."

Amelia scoffed and looked up at her, "Daphne and Patrick must be nice people. Listening to me as I had to be stuck with you. They cared when I talked about going to the pound to pick up my first ever dog...uh.."

"Snuffles! Hehe I remembered and you didn't. And I am a good partner for you to have during this mission. I know a lot about events and everything."

"I doubt it. But sure."

"We got this wired down. It aint on the paper, just you and me faking this whole gig."

"God helps us all."

"No one can fake this kinda hate you have for me. D-do you hate me?"

"Ain't telling."

She half smile then her faced returned to a deadpanned look. Liane could tell was hiding something, she knew her husband was gone a mission god knows where and wasn't able to say anything about it. She giggled to herself. But she didn't saying anything to Mia about it unless brought up later.

----

Here is the original source, I got the idea from!

--

—> Thanks for reading. That’s what I got! Comment down below with ideas and reblog your thoughts 

Tags: @missstrawbs2001 @purpleprincessonfyre @meiramel  @gcthvile @rickb-chaos @gaminggirlsstuff @wizzzardofoz @cherrysft @thechoooooosenone @luna-d-marsh@sherloquestea @rooster-84 and etc

#fake dating au #spy au #marvels agents of shield #unlikely friends #ask missparker #underling friendship #mia & lia #dumb and smart #solar opposites #marvel fanfiction #maria hill #skyeward

[actofgrxce]

Why I still think Ed Teach is a sympathetic character

1) He doesn't know the full story of why Stede left him; as such he fills in the blanks with the worst case scenario (the one he addresses to himself in the Gravy Boat): "I am unlovable and I hate myself; it makes sense that he would abandon me."

This has already been articulated brilliantly HERE. The reason for this knee-jerk reaction? Trauma, trauma, trauma. Keep reading.

2) Ed didn't have some of the social advantages Stede had as a child, when their respective fundamental outlooks on the world and human relationships were being established (NOT to establish a "who had it worse" discussion, but to explain that it will create two very different adults).

'Stede had a fucked up childhood and ended up kind!" Yes he did, but he also had his basic needs met, he was white and affluent and passed as straight (for a while) in a Europe that implicitly rewards those identity markers, his life was not constantly endangered by a violent substance abusing parental figure who was also the only breadwinner, and he never had to live with committing the murder (while still a child!) of a primary caregiver in order to stay alive. Stede learned to play a role--that of the placating, cultured and witty gentleman-- in order to obtain safety (within the nuclear home, and within the conventional European gentry as an adult); he still does this. Ed, on the other hand, learned how to destroy the source of danger at all cost; pair that need to always seem scary with his positive caregiver (his mother) telling Ed quite unequivocally, "we weren't mean for fine things," and the violent, thrill-seeking, substance-abusing monster who results from this is no surprise. Ed's playing a role, too. Is Stede braver and kinder? Yes, and it could be that a great deal of that is inherent, but we're not arguing who is the better person, because not all sympathetic characters are good people. We're only dealing here with whether Ed is worth our time: whether he is still redeemable.

3) There are different KINDS of trauma response; Stede is Fawn, and Ed is Fight.

See above. Fawn responses look like overly placating everyone even at your own expense. They look like doing favors, compulsively centering your identity on helping, pleasing, assisting. Fight responses look like aggression and hostility, denying any trace of vulnerability or guilt, going on the offensive before your perceived "threat" can go on the defensive.

4) The biggest reason: this has always been who Ed, as an adult, is, and the Larger Narrative™ is being told from STEDE'S POV and perception of Ed and of the world of Piracy. The audience is in Stede's shoes. To quote @captainbonnetslog , "And [ Ed's ] always kinda been like this just minus the suicidal tendencies. The show is kinda developing with Stede. As his naivete fades we see darker things with more nuance." I suspect each season will reveal an Edward Teach of greater complexity. It's not just Ed, either; we sense greater depth and complexity in the personality and motives of the entire og crew (particularly Oluwande, Jim, and most notably, Izzy). The season opens with Stede's (rather charmingly, like our own) naive and romantic fantasy of killing Izzy on a beach at sunset and dramatically rushing into damsel!Ed's arms, apologizing and being instantly forgiven. It's not like that in his reality, or anyone's. Relationships are messy. We're meant to see the worst of Ed. We're meant, if we identify with Stede (who is the best of us all), to love Ed anyway. 5) Related to the above: the INCREASED sympathy we feel toward Izzy Hands, one of the previous antagonists, is a brilliant way to open our eyes to the more nuanced problems in the Ed, Stede, and Izzy triangle. It is NOT a reason to feel LESS sympathy for Ed.

it just means that Ed has hurt Izzy as much as Ed has been hurt, and as much as Izzy has, in jealousy, hurt Stede. Hurt people hurt people. Each viewer will sympathize more with, to return to point 3, a different specific character's way of coping (or failing to cope) with that pain.

#Our Flag Means Death #ofmd spoilers #meta #Edward Teach

[fitgothgirl]

Long write up about some issues of mine and the past, been wanting to get this out. Will probably send to my therapist lol... TW emotional abuse.

The more I think about, the more I know my dad and my ex really messed me up. I still defend my dad that overall he was a decent parent and he was only human. I had a very comfortable and happy childhood. He tried to be a good dad and was caring, but he also messed up a good amount of times. My ex on the other hand, fuck him. For the sake of whatever unknowing victim, I hope he never dated again for whatever reason, death included.

But they both contributed to one of my biggest weaknesses. Nothing is harder for me to do than speak my mind, stand up for myself, set boundaries, and so on. In my mind, a serious talk is synonymous with fight. There are always tears. I now know that ADHD can cause one to cry ridiculously easily or to just shutdown into silence during discussions because we can't handle the emotion. Makes so much sense, I do both those things. But it wasn't just the ADHD. Every important conversation didn't need to be an argument, or me getting shutdown, or something negative. So I have it lodged deeply in my brain that my interpretation of things is wrong. I'm always wrong, wrong, wrong. It's a mantra that often plays in my head.

My dad wasn't as bad as my ex. He was a single dad who worked a lot, who had two daughters that probably just reminded him so much of his crazy ex, who both ended up being a handful in their teens. He was just always stressed and had a short fuse and would scare me when he was pissed. He didn't do anything to me, just the way he talked through gritted teeth or how he yelled (or what he yelled) or how he was strict. I remember certain things would trigger both me and my sister to go to our rooms to be on our own - his car pulling up in the driveway, the sound of the garage door; we just wanted to stay out of his way when he first got home since we knew that's when he would be most on edge. I can also distinctly remember the sound of him walking up the stairs, when I would pause to listen if he would be turning left to our rooms or right to his room. I'd try to gauge his energy/mood in the subtleties of his step. Anyway, it wasn't the best atmosphere for standing up for myself or speaking my mind, etc. Parenting today has taken such a good turn where people are trying to move away from anger and yelling and punishments for mistakes, and instead treat their kids like people and have a more understanding and guiding attitude. But still, my bf is my age and I look at his family and they're just amazing... I know many people who felt like they could really talk to their parents. I know my situation was by far not the worst possible, but it also wasn't great.

And I went straight from that to some full on grade A emotional abuse for 3 years with my ex. Life was constantly walking on eggshells... Things I didn't know could be a fight were a fight. All I wanted was for him to stop criticizing me and yelling at me and I didn't know what to say to make it stop, which wouldn't happen until I was in tears (although not like that's hard). I couldn't win no matter what I said so I just shutdown and said whatever to appease him in the fewest amount of syllables. He had the final say with everything. No seeing friends without him, which was rare for him to agree to, unless I wanted to have it held over my head forever (along with any other "nice" or "lenient" things he did or "let" me do). Had to work 6 days a week but also be responsible for the cleaning of the apartment since I made less money than him. Panicking at work when I realized I left a dish out and he was going to be home before me. Trying to be as small as possible while he punched a hole in the wall. Not able to spend money without his approval. Sitting home alone before a 13 hour shift while sobbing and holding my cat about how utterly trapped I felt. And he didn't even fucking drive, I was his chauffeur... Oh and of course, at the end of every lash out, I was reminded how it was because he loved me and cared about me wanted me to grow as a person, etc. (If you're wondering, yes I'm embarrassed that I let myself put up with this.)

All this to say, the thought of any form of serious conversation is almost paralyzing. And I get so distressed that I forget things I want to say. And it always ends with me being wrong in some way anyway! This is not something I've imagined, this is learned from experience. It's not even me yielding to end the discussion - by the end I do see that I'm truly wrong and I wasn't thinking. So why should I speak my mind about things when I know I'm going to somehow end up in the wrong or otherwise judged or dismissed... And if something gets brought up by someone else with any tinge of anger or irritation or even seriousness? I just shutdown. If I have to speak then just have a one track mind to appease.

This all leads to me being the mediator (INFP-T for sure), the one to keep the peace. Always adding smiles and laughs to what I'm doing or saying to keep others at ease. Trying to steer things back when any negative emotion rises, silently begging against any conflict. Just fawn response all day everyday.

I've now been with a wonderful guy for almost 12 years and yet I often still feel so trapped inside myself.

#mine

[purplesurveys]

1749

How old were you 10 years ago? I was 15.

The last time you went out to eat, where did you go? I already talked about it in detail in a previous survey but my workmates and I went to a wine bar for Trina's despedida. We went to a nearby bar after for more filling bar chow cos all they had in the first place were light finger food meant to be paired with wine.

What did you order? For the wine bar, we got a few bottles of wine, clams, a cheese plate, and fries; for the bar, we had chips, sisig, and mac and cheese balls.

Think of the last film you watched. Who was your favourite character? I can't remember the last movie I saw because I rarely watch any anymore; but the last anything I watched was Prison Playbook. I'm only one episode in, but my favorite has been the sweet dude who was part of the same inmate batch as the main character. Least suspicious character so far, and it helps to know that his reason for getting incarcerated was merely because he didn't pay back the loan for his mom's surgery.

Do you use Twitter? How about Tumblr? I do use both, although I'm much more active on Twitter because all I do here is take surveys on weekends and the occasional weeknight.

What colour are the walls of the room you’re in? They're white.

What would you like to say to the last person that hurt you? I have not felt hurt by my loved ones for a very long time now. That feels pretty great to realize!

When was the last time you felt disappointed? Who/what cheered you up? I was soooo bummed last Friday – I had booked a visit to a museum, but I didn't expect the traffic to be absolutely awful (it was mid-afternoon, when roads would be relatively more relaxed) that I got to my destination 40 minutes after my reserved slot. It was also the last timeslot for the day, so it wasn't like I could just join the next batch of visitors.

I figured it'd be stupid of me to even show up lol, so I just went to the food hall next door, which also ended up sucking because there was no cell signal inside; I couldn't even use my data. At least I got a delicious spicy tuna poke from my visit.

Do you have a friend whose name starts with ‘L’? Describe him/her. There's Lea and Leigh. Lea is SUPER friendly, I love love love having conversations with her so it's a shame we see each other so rarely; I also see her as headstrong, ambitious, and intelligent. Leigh is creative, gentle, and a really talented singer.

When you opened your eyes this morning, what were your first thoughts? Holy shit I suck at waking up, I must have missed Jungkook's set at the Global Citizen Festival and I hate myself. Then I checked my Twitter (it was 7 AM by that point; they advertised the set as starting at 4 AM, Manila time) and apparently he was still in the middle of doing Seven LOL. Man did his set three hours late so I got to still hang out with him for a few minutes AND see the teaser for 3D!!!

Have you received any compliments today? Nah.

Describe one of your favourite items of clothing. Where did you get it? My brown sleeveless maxi dress - just Shopee, haha.

Name one of your favourite foods that starts with the letter A. Arancini.

Is there anyone from your past that you sometimes miss? Tell me about them. Only people I can think are Sofie and my grandpa. Sofie was my best friend in high school and we were each other's biggest confidantes. She was born overseas but since her parents were incapable of raising her and were separated, she was sent back here from childhood, and that's how she ended up in my school by around Grade 7. She had hair as thick as mine, loved makeup, and got me into Audrey Hepburn. We grew apart in college and saw each other a grand time of Once before she migrated to the UK this time last year. Our relationship post-drifting-apart has been wholesome and there's been absolutely no grudge or bad blood or whatever. I was raised around my grandpa routinely telling me random trivia and general knowledge, and I think I got my love from learning from him. He is a gifted writer and he apparently used to write my grandmother poems when they were younger, and is into history. If there is one thing he can't handle well, it's alcohol, and I have my fair share of trauma from what I've seen of him when he has had too much to drink. Nevertheless I think of him fondly, especially for the person he was without his brandy. He died in 2015 from a sudden heart attack when he was visiting family from our province.

How long have you known the last person you text messaged? Since 2020.

Do you know what the person you miss is doing at this moment? Probably on his lunch break.

Has anyone told you that they love you today? Yes.

In the last week, what’s the kindest thing that someone has done for you? My sister making me instant noodles when I asked her.

Is there a song that makes you cry every time you hear it? We Are Bulletproof: The Eternal has been a little rougher to listen to these days. So has Love Letters.

If someone read your mind right now, what would they hear? They would hear remnants of Le Sserafim's Fire In the Belly because I can't stop thinking about it lmao.

Do you have any favourite jewellery that you wear every day? Yes, my purple heart charm necklace that Reena gave me.

What colour are the eyes of the last male you talked to? Dark brown.

Are you wearing anything orange or red? Yes.

Who was the last person you said “hello” to? Idk, I think my sister.

I like to think there is always something to smile about…so, tell me, what’s your reason to smile right now? News about my potential resignation has apparently spread at work so I'm just happy that I'm not bearing it on my own anymore. They know I have plans to leave and they know I'm not too thrilled with my promotion, so at least I don't have to worry about violent reactions when the timing is finally right to step back and step out.

Also, Jungkook new single on Friday.

[theygotlost]

you know I think about the issue of ipad babies a lot. I feel so bad for them but I'm especially angry at the neglectful parents. I think about my own experiences, and how different they might be if i was born just a few years later. the first time my family got an ipad i was probably about 9 and i used it quite a lot, but I think my ipad baby experience is fundamentally different from a lot of true ipad babies in 3 ways:

it was a communal ipad the whole family shared, much like The Family Computer of the 90s and 2000s. my brother and I had to take turns or use it together, and we had to wait our turn when either parent was using it. it was not MY personal ipad that I got to have unabated access to 24/7.

I mostly remember using the ipad for creative purposes that I was actively engaged in rather than passively receiving. I used a few simple drawing apps to make art, and we even had an app that I used to make my own stop-motion animations. any games I did play on the ipad were usually puzzle games that require some level of thinking. my parents didn't allow us to watch youtube videos without wifi since it used up data, so if I was on the ipad in public I was using it offline.

since I was 9 by the time the ipad came out I could already read and write, had developed my fine motor skills, and was capable of basic logical thinking. one of the biggest things that distresses me about ipad babies is just how young they are when the device is first given to them. early childhood is a crucial stage of development that should be focused on real life and physical space.

now im not really trying to say "I turned out fine" because of it cause I still have Problems. I do genuinely think that kids should be given as much screen-free entertainment as possible, especially the younger they are. and they should certainly be allowed to be bored and alone with their thoughts sometimes. but letting your kids use an ipad occasionally is probably fine if their use of it is similar to my own experiences