Types of obnoxious batfam stans
Written by an obnoxious batfam stan
Not really a rant but something I've noticed over the years interacting in different spaces and I've decided to make your problem now.
Please note that I'm not saying there's any "right" way to be a fan because we all suck by virtue of being comic nerds, but there are certain kinds of batfamily fans that stick out to be in particular.
Anywho, here are 12 kinds of annoying batfam stans that you've probably run into and you better get a laugh out of it *points gun to your head*.
1) The Newbies Who Never Heard of Google
There's no shame in being new to something. It's a phase that we're all guaranteed to go through, whether we're 11 or 101. However, in this day and age, so many things can be easily googled that you don't need to shout every question you have into the VVorld VVide VVoid. If you need comic recs or a reading list, google it. If you wanna know a character's origin story, google it. If you need to know the color of Batman's underpants in a particular issue in 1965... well that's probably too specific for Google but Reddit will definitely have an answer.
2) The Middle School Authors
Before the 13-year-olds get up in my notes, I'm not saying everyone that age writes like this. Middle school is a state of mind. These fanfic writers usually stand out in a few ways.
They're oftentimes first-person POV or reader-insert. Give Y/N a break, she's tired.
The grammar is stunningly atrocious. I get if you're inexperienced or if you're writing in a second language, but we are in the prime era of autocorrect. If you need help, it's right there. Also, fuck c*nsoring b*d w*rds and fuck "unalive."
The characters do things that are out-of-character because the author is projecting their own personality. Bruce Wayne is a lot of things but he does not listen to the fucking Mountain Goats.
There's a lack of experience or research when it comes to certain topics. That's not how physics works. He can't walk that injury off. And that's definitely NOT how you do the horizontal hokey pokey.
3) The Neckbeards
Unfortunately, these basement-dwelling mouth-breathers tainted the image of what a comic fan is, though that's been changing recently. Still, we've all seen them. They gatekeep via pop quizzes, 'cause obviously you're not a real fan unless you know what page 10 of Batman #138 smells like. They give unsolicited commentary on people's cosplays, nitpicking the guys and being gross toward women. And heaven forbid the comics add a little diversity.
4) The Moviegoers
Nothing inherently wrong with getting into the fandom via the movies, nor is there anything wrong with sticking to that. I just feel like we're two different species of Galapagos finches, you know?
5) The Christopher Nolans
Separate from casual fans of the Nolan movies. I'm calling them the Christopher Nolans because these people have a tendency to reach for the grimdarkest thing possible. It's like they cannot fathom Batman having any other emotions besides punching and gargoyle brooding.
6) The Canon Purists
Wanna share a fun headcanon? NO, because Stephanie Brown never used cherry lip balm in the comics so therefore that must be the absolute truth. These people are a stickler for comic accuracy to the point where it's like... why bother interacting with the fandom in the first place? The worst part is when they're adamant on following a single continuity and refuse to consider anything else. This is comics we're talking about. Everything either has been or will be canon at some point.
7) The Fanon Worshippers
On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have the people who base their entire perception of the characters on something either they pulled out of their ass or that their mutual with 16 followers came up with, despite evidence directly contradicting it. I love WFA, but I feel like that's partially responsible for further perpetuating certain popular myths. Also, these fans tend to focus solely on the batfam/their ships. It's one thing to have some people in the foreground vs. background, but put some respect to Bart Allen's name you goddamn cheesecakes.
8) The Golden Age Dads
These guys aren't really obnoxious. I actually find it kind of cute how they think Jason Todd is still dead.
9) The Chronically Online
I have a rule of thumb when it comes to discourse: if it's not something I'd hear about at a bar, it's not worth my mental energy. Some people haven't gotten the memo, though.
These are either the well-intentioned but misinformed teenagers or grown-ass adults beefing with children because they don't have a life. They have takes that are oversimplified, rage-inducing, TikTok algorithm attention-grabbers that no one cares about in real life.
Don't get me wrong, we've got a bunch of issues in comics and fandom that are worth discussing. However, there comes a point where you're splitting hairs and need to go the fuck outside. I'm not gonna link the post 'cause I don't wanna call them and their 7 notes out, but the other week I saw someone saying Stephcass was a racist ship because something something colonialism parallel. You gotta be Elastigirl to have that kind of reach.
10) The Corporate Simps
I love comics. I appreciate the writers and artists. However, you will find my carcass in a ditch before you catch me licking the boots of DC/Warner Bros. Basically, these fans, fewer as they are, can't seem to fathom that their favorite franchise can (and does) put out some steaming motherfucking garbage.
11) The Hot Cosplayers
Not actually annoyed, I'm just a little jealous. Stop being hotter than me, please and thank you.
12) The One With A Punchline For Everything
Wait–
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Hello, I am slowly figuring out how to use tumblr effectively. I thought I'd give an update on fics I've written in 2024, but keep forgetting to talk about here in a meaningful way.
As We Go Hand in Hand (explicit, gentlebeard, 7100 words) follows Ed as he processes the past few months while living on the island with Stede, massively in love but struggling with himself. I wrote it while feeling a lot of delayed grief around the (confirmed) s2 cancellation, and while it's sad at points it's also quite romantic I think. I really love this story.
Behind Closed Eyes All I See is You (explicit, gentlebeard, 5300 words) is a smutty PWP my dear friend @chaoticturtleturtle invited me to write with her. Stede lets Ed take the lead in a scene with some sensory deprivation, pwp, and aftercare.
like sugar to my heart (mature, gentlebeard, 4200 words) is a silly fic I wrote for my Animorphs OFMD AU co-writer as a birthday gift. Our blue four-legged four-eyed mouthless alien Stedeth gets foiled by a vending machine (based on the tumblr art of the giraffe centaur), and Ed consoles him.
like a bird (teen, gentlebeard, 3700 words) with @ghostalservice gives some backstory about Stedeth's life prior to the events of our 177k fic and features some very cute art of Mary and Stede's children (as Andalites, of course) by @theogem
Stede’s Cursed Red Suit as a Metaphor for Grief and Moving On (teen, stede + izzy, 1717 words) explores the squishy time of season 2, episode 5, and the dynamic between Stede and Izzy in season 2 overall. I am also obsessed with how Stede acts in the cursed suit. I find their s2 relationship really interesting so this is me looking a bit at that via a missing scene starting with Stede yelling OH FUCK OFF.
Calypso’s Dawn (explicit, gentlebeard, 1800 words) centers around how Ed made his boyfriend blush the morning after Calypso's birthday and how Ed feels about it. I love this fic. I've been trying to challenge myself to write more self-contained, shorter stories and this one turned out really well imo.
Life as a Series of Forward Rolls (teen, gentlebeard, 9900 words) features Stede running into his teenhood crush, the gold medalist in men's gymnastics from the 1996 Olympics. This fic also centers around a Barbie doll in Ed Teach's likeness, which @swashbuckling-sweethearts made an INCREDIBLE art of (embedded at the end of the story), inspired by my own 1996 Olympics Barbie. Silly and light modern AU!
Did you mean to do that? (teen, gentlebeard, 700 words) explores Stede's grief around Ed dying, even when he knows Ed is alive. I had no idea I would be so interested in writing missing scenes, but long conversations with friends have really ignited me in exploring these. (The length - I was trying to channel @brigdh, whose ability to write devastatingly brilliant drabbles inspires me, and I'm pleased with this one!)
Perfectly Ordinary Tuesday (mature, gentlebeard, 4900 words) with @ferventrabbit follows Stede and Ed deciding to get married on a perfectly ordinary Tuesday, and drag their inn guest Dave along for the ride. We split up writing the vows, and I balled my eyes out writing mine and then reading em's. This story is fluffy and fun, and it was a great way to start 2024. :)
What's next: I'm working on or noodling a lot of projects, solo and with different collaborators. Imminently, I've got a fic with @veeagainsttheday coming for AUpril on April 1st. Hoping to get something else out in April for @ofmdjanuaury's AUpril 2024 event, which I highly encourage folks to check out - it's for all sorts of creators!
@ghostalservice and I continue to think about our blue alien Stede and his human boyfriend Ed. Wanna Fly Away was such an important project to me while we were writing, and it's become even more special as folks find it. WFA now has art embedded in most of the 15 chapters, so if you haven't seen those check it out. More to come in that space.
Where was I going with this? Well, I suppose I want to say I'm still here. OFMD changed my life, and the OFMD fandom community is deeply important to me. I still hold out hope for a third season, or a follow-up that brings us more closure, but no matter what I'm still thinking about our pirates and will for a long time. If you read this far, thanks for being part of my community. <3
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The L word: Jason Todd x fem!reader
Summary: How the hell did these two end up together? They constantly tease and spite each other.... Well, Jason and Y/N had their banter on at all times, but there were something more behind the surface.
A/N: I caught a cold so this might suck. And I am a sucker for WFA Jason so bear with me......
5 years ago.
Y/N Y/L/N was a part of batfamily since she could remember. Never really adopted, just taken in due to her skills and urge to do something good. Unlike many of the kids Bruce decided to put under his wings, she was more of a teenager when he first offered her his protection and care. Which meant that when she first arrived at the Manor there were like 10 people inside, all eyes on her and it made her feel a bit uncomfortable.
“Hey little one. You must be Y/N. I’m Dick. The oldest brother. So nice to meet you.” the black-haired boy almost crushed her in a tight grip.
“I… um.. hi. I’m not really a hugger, but…..”
“You’ll get used to it. Believe me, you will never have a single alone moment here.” The boy just smiled before letting her go. “Let me introduce you to the others.”
“I am fairly sure we can introduce ourselves.”
“Right. Cause you are the first one to do this.” Dick smirked and rolled his eyes “Y/N, meet my little unruly brother Jason. He’s the black sheep in the family.”
“Looks like he’s proud of this title.” Y/N tilted her head slightly “but from what I heard you prefer color red than black, don’t you?”
“You cracked me. Good for you. At least you know who to look out for.”
“Can’t wait for you to show me if you live up to your name, red.” She smirked and Jason’s eyes glistened a bit.
“All right. That is not disturbing at all” Dick rubbed his forehead “Let’s move on. Where is Tim?”
“Batcave. The entire team is there. Something about debriefing, I guess.” Jason muttered
“And why aren’t you there?”
“Hm. I don’t know. Partially because I don’t give a …..”
“JASON!”
“….and partially because I’m busy.”
“With what exactly?”
“Honestly? Everything else.” He shrugged and resumed his reading.
“I’m so sorry about him, Y/N. Jason can be a little …. Intense.” Dick turned towards the girl apologetically with a bit of embarrassment on his face.
“I can tell.” She smirked watching the other boy carefully. There was something about his attitude and sarcasm that captured her attention.
***
The second she came inside she got Jason’s attention. She was different than any other batkid. She wasn’t like Dick and Steph with all their joy and sunshine and rainbows, and yet she had this quiet optimism inside. She wasn’t like Tim with his workaholic tendencies and yet she always did so much, never talking about it. She was not like Cass and Damian with their assassin origins, and yet there was something about her that warned not to cross path with her. It was like Y/N Y/L/N was a perfect mix of every trait he liked (or rather was willing to slip) and hated about people. A walking contradiction. Oh, and her fluent irony and sarcasm….. She was the only one good enough with that to ever come close to him. And as much as he hated to admit it, he enjoyed their little bantering and spiteful conversations. Which were happening way to often for the comfort of the rest of the family.
“Jason Peter Todd.” She stood in the middle of the room, in front of the couch he was sitting on with her arms crossed over her chest.
“You found out my dirty secret I see.” He smirked, eyes fixed on her face
“Your middle name? Sure, I will never let you live through it.”
“Not sure how I’m gonna survive it.”
“You won’t. Trust me, you won’t. After all, it’s the same name as the one famous boy who never wanted to grow up. Maybe the same happened to you, judging by the way you act sometimes.”
“Really?” he stood up, towering over her, but she did not falter even in the slightest
“Yes.” her face expression was stone cold
“See how much I care. Dick told you at the beginning I’m the black sheep of the family.”
“With that hair you are more like Cruella de Ville of the family.”
“Auch. Y/N. Are you aiming to be Elsa?”
“What? I don’t….”
“ Talking about the Disney villains? You are Elsa from Frozen. So… damn… cold.”
“Elsa was not a villain, you idiot! And besides, since when are you so familiar with Disney movies?”
“Dark times in my life…..”
“Cut the crap. Where the hell is my gear? I know you took it.”
“I did not. I mean, I didn’t literally take it.”
“What did you do, Jason?”
He hung on the rooftop like a flag.
***
2 years ago.
“Are you trying to replace me?” he was leaning on the doorframe watching y/n punch and kick the opponents in a simulation fight.
“I’ve been trying to do that for the last three years. Not much of a success, though.”
“Hm. Maybe it’s time to give up?”
“Nah. Not really my style. I will take you down Todd. Eventually.”
“Sure. You keep telling yourself that.”
“Why are you here, again, Jason? Wanted to have a look at my ass during the training?” she smirked turning around. “Be my guest.”
“Honey. Why do you think we got mirrors in the training room? I got the view onto my ass, that’s all I need.”
“UGH! That is gross!” she flinched
“You asked for it.” He shrugged
“What do you want Todd? I’m busy.”
“No. Angry is what you are. And I don’t like it. I’m the angsty one in this household.”
“You don’t like being dethroned, do you?”
“Y/N.”
“What?!” she turned around so fast that only due to his instincts he avoided being punched right in the face.
“Let’s get some of this energy out.”
“Jason Peter Todd.” She stopped and grabbed her heart “Are you asking me to spar with you?”
“I know, I know. It’s an honor for you. but what can I say, I am feeling generous today.”
“Bring it on, Red.”
***
1 year ago
“How the hell did these two even got together? I mean I get why Jason fell for her, but the other way round?” Tim scratched his head in confusion watching Jason and Y/N tease each other mercilessly on the other side of the table during the family dinner. No one in the universe would guess these two were a couple.
“They are both crazy that is how.” Damian muttered chewing on his veggies.
“I think they are sweet.” Steph grinned and immediately met with two pairs of surprised eyes “what?! They get each other.” She added innocently taking a sip of her drink
“That is ever more concerning….” Tim muttered
On the other side of the table
“You sure you can eat that, Todd? I heard your gear is getting tight in some areas.” Y/N teased him without caring about anyone else being forced to hear it.
“Care to specify what areas you have in mind Y/L/N? Any of them you like more than others?”
“Surely not your head, you pinhead. That helmet will fall off if you don’t adjust it soon.”
“Hm. Speaking about the gear. Some little bird told me you are making changes to yours? Something about the shortage of material?”
“ It’s been a while since I modernized. If Dick could have had his Discowing, maybe I can try something new as well….”
“Care to share any of your ideas?”
“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”
“Y/N.”
“Hm, you know, looking at you right now I call back everything I said. You don’t need a helmet at all, your face is already red enough.”
“I hate you.”
“I know. And I don’t care.”
“I’ll take my revenge on you. “
“Is that a promise?”
“COULD YOU TWO JUST STOP IT!?”
“Look what you did, Y/n. You angered the Batman. Now you will have to apologize.”
“How about I kick your ass and humiliate you publicly as a form of compensation?”
***
Now.
“Stop hiding there, you creep. I can see you.”
“ Todd.” The youngest Wayne took a few step forward observing the scene in front of him. Y/N was curled up into Jason’s side, half-asleep, breathing slowly, while one of his arms was wrapped around her, pulling her in softly, the other holding the book he was reading to her out loud.
“What the hell do you want?”
“I…. I wanted to ask you something…..”
“Ask?” he raised an eyebrow and shifted his position slightly not to wake the girl up and still face his brother. “Since when are you asking?”
“Shut up!” he hissed and Y/N squirmed
“No, you shut up, demon. I swear if you wake her, I will make sure you never get any sleep in your life ever again.” Jason growled. Much to his surprise, Damian just looked down a bit saddened “Hey, are you losing your mind more than usual under that dome?”
“I’m thinking. “
“Well that is new.” Jason rolled his eyes.
“I am not good with all this relationship stuff. And I wanted to know….”
“And you came to me to ask?”
“Well in case you did not notice, you are the only one in the family with the girl next to you!” Damian hissed. “Even Grayson failed in that area with his on and off romance.”
“Fair point” Jason smiled and rubbed Y/N’s side affectionately causing her to lean into his touch and humm quietly.
“How?”
“What?”
“How did you do it? You are harsh. You tease her constantly to the point where it becomes mean. You are full of emotions and yet are emotionally unavailable. You tend to be impulsive and act before you think. And you…. you are not really prince charming, Todd.
"Careful with the words there...." Jason warned
"All I'm saying, and we both know that, is that you are not exactly a boyfriend material. So … how?”
“Honestly, I have no idea. Guess I was just myself? Never pretending? Maybe that is why? Because she knew all of me from the beggining? But I don’t know. It's like she sees something more to me” he sighed deeply “there were multiple times when I thought I don’t deserve her, but….”
“What?” Damian was just standing in the room, his face half hidden in the shadows. Even that little menace knew better than to ruin the moment of Jason's honestly and vulnerability.
“I don’t know.” Jason sighed deeply consumed by the thoughts. Just like he said, there have been hundredths and hundredths moments were that little question creeped in his mind. Why? Why did she want him? Of course, he was the best in this family of vigilantes, the most handsome and surely the most skillful, but still… she was just too good for him. And yet, despite his anger, his past, his everything she just accepted him constantly choosing to give him attention (or harassment at times), time and her best (and worse) self. Hell, she adjusted to him, and without even realizing it, he did the same. He adjusted to her. Like two puzzle pieces in a two-piece jigsaw. He felt that every time she was next to him, in his arms and every time he kissed her, but also every time she laughed at him, because he did something stupid and every time she kicked his ass during training and definitely every time she iced him because he went too far in his action, and when he realized how much her presence changed his behavior and how much he wanted and needed her.
“Todd?” Damian almost whispered throwing Jason out of his reverie.
“What?”
“Do you …. love her?”
“Love?” Jason repeated this word, letting it roll of his tongue, his eyes drifting to her beautiful, sleeping face and he smiled like never before, sudden realization dawning on him. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. I love her.” He closed his eyes enjoying the warmth spreading in his chest going up to his cheeks. He never thought about it before neither did he say it “I love her.” He repeated. It sounded nice and right. “And if you ever tell anyone about what just happened, I will….”
“I won’t Todd. Just this one time I’ll keep your secret of your soft side safe. ”
Two brothers looked at each other in the silent agreement. None of them would ever say that but thanks to this little exchange of words a lot of things made sense for both of them. Damian sighed, Jason nodded and the younger one left without saying anything more.
***
Raindrops on the windowsill woke her up. Jason was already awake, lying on his side of the bed, reading a book from the previous night, now keeping his distance from her.
"You're reading our book without me?" she tilted her head, eyeing him carefully.
"Not my fault you fell asleep in the middle of the chapter. Did you think I'll be able to resist continuing?"
“I guess not....." she muttered, her gaze turning a bit sad and it made his heart skip a bit. Did he hurt her?
"Y/N. I didn't mean to...."
"Of course you did. You always do. And I'm gonna explain it to you why I don;t give a damn about it ......” the girl trailed propping herself on the elbow and he immediately looked at her, only slighly surprised. They have been together for a while, but what if she didn't feel the same why about him? What if she didn't L him?
“Do you have anything smart to say, Y/L/N?” he teased rolling his eyes.
“You love me, Jason Todd?” she raised an eyebrow and he turned slightly red. Oh, shit.
“I guess you really are a light sleeper, huh?” that little embarassed tinge in his voice which he tried to cover desperatly did not pass her.
“Um, hello? Did you forget who raised us? Apparently alerted sleep comes in handy. Sometimes.” she moved a bit closer to him smirking. “Jason.” her voice turned a bit more serious. “I need you to be honest with me. Can you handle it?”
“Not sure. Depends on what are you going to say next.” shit, he was shaking in anticipation for her words to come, becoming so freaking nervous.
“Was what you said true? Do you…. do you….?”
“Yes.” There weren’t any sign of hesitation in his voice. However, the harder part was saying the L word to her. How the fuck was it possible that he used it for the first time while speaking to Damian and not her!?
“Well…. Me too.”
“You too what?” he teased grabbing her chin forcing her to look at him and slowly leaning in.
“I too wanna hit your face.”
“Define “hit.” he leaned even closer. “the meaning of the word can vary under given circumstances. Like what do you wanna hit me with?”
“ I’ll let you figure it out by yourself.”
“I can handle that.” He whispered, brushing his lips over hers, so freaking close her breath hitched involuntarily.
“Come on you two lovebirds! Breakfast is on the table! Get up!” Dick busted through the door, making them jump away from one another at once, grinned playfully and disappeared again.
“I’m gonna kill him.” Jason groaned falling back onto the cushions, facing the ceiling and hiding his flushed face in his hands.
“I call dibs on that!” she laughed, quickly getting out of bed.
“You promise?” he grabbed her hand before she left the room, spinning her around to face him.
“Guess you will have to wait and see. Now come on, Alfred will kill us if we’re late for breakfast.” she raised on her toes, pressed her lips against his briefly and rushed off the room. "Last one at the table's a sucker!!"" she yelled loud enough for everyone to hear, causing all the sibilings to run from their rooms to avoid loosing.
Well, all the siblings, except Jay. Poor (or not) boy, was left alone, unable to move a single muscle, wondering why her kiss tasted differently this time.
Maybe it was because he did love her.
@pinksirensong
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