#why is this the most tame shit I’ve wrote in weeks | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

palbabor-writes · 3 years

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So, uh, I got excited with this ask

Anonymous said:

so what if, and I’m just spitballin’ here, you wrote a little something for Tomura, a jealous!reader x Tomura, perhaps? Ik there probably wouldn’t be an actual situation where somebody would try to steal him away or anything but just a little something on the reader seeing something that wasn’t what it looked like and Shiggy kind of reassuring her in his own special way? 😌 pls &thank you sm in advance, but you of course absolutely don’t have to write it if you don’t want to (: love your work!

Pairing: Tomura Shigaraki x Gen!Reader

Warnings: Adult language, angst, jealous feelings, mentions of past relationship and heavy petting, mm, imma say it’s rated T, for the teens and upper betweens

Word Count: 4387

Notes: Lol. I’m pretty sure this was meant to be like, a drabble or head cannon in your mind nonnie. Me, being me, I stretched it out into a freaking fic. I can’t shut uppppp sometimes. First time trying for a Gen!Reader, so hopefully it’s a thumbs up. Not beta edited, so any mistakes are mine, and mine alone.

“O, beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-ey'd monster, which doth mock The meat it feeds on.” ― William Shakespeare, Othello

It’s been two months, two freaking months and you’ve hardly gotten two texts strung together, let alone a call, from Tomura.

While he’s never been what anyone would call a frequent texter, your last message has sat, unread, on his phone for the last 3 days. You know he’s busy, you know he said he’s got shit to take care of, but you can’t help the angry pit of worry that simmers in your gut. He could at least tell you something. Like, hey, I’ll be out of touch for a few days, talk soon. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently it is.

The two of you have always been a quiet item. Most of the League knows, or at least, heavily, heavily suspects. It’s not like you tried to keep it a secret, it’s just the way you both are. Besides, you usually liked how the arrangement worked.

You’d met him through your job. You worked with Giran as a courier of sorts. Sometimes you’d lug shipments back and forth, sometimes you’d make deliveries. It was one of these deliveries that introduced you to Tomura. He was quiet, sulking toward the back of the bar, but you’d managed to strike up a conversation with him as Compress double checked his requested items.

He was waspish, sharp. At first, you worried that your questions had only managed to pissed him off. But then, just as you started to chat with another guy in the bar, a snarky fellow, who was covered in some serious, serious burns, Tomura tugs your attention back to him with a pointed question.

“Can you tell Giran that you’re only one who’s permitted to transport the deliveries to the bar?”

That one query had started a landslide.

You were summoned to the hideout frequently, practically on the daily after that. Giran just shook his head and asked you not to fall too deep. You didn’t know what he meant then. Two months later you understood his meaning perfectly.

How could you not fall head over heels for this guy? Fuck, he was so desperate, so wanting, so fucking needy for you. God, you missed it now that you didn’t have it. After the Kamino incident, he’d called on you even more and you loved that you could help him. He honestly seemed, in his own, gruff way, appreciative.

But, then he’d said he needed to leave the city.

At first, your contact with each other had maintained some semblance of normalcy. You would text and he would reply. You could call and he would answer. Often, he sounded tired, strained, but every once in a while you could pull a laugh from him and all would feel right with the world.

Now?

Now nothing feels right and the only link you have to him is Dabi. He’s the only person in the League that’s responding to your emails or texts. Even Giran isn’t answering anything. That’s not normal either because Giran always, always answers. What the fuck is going on?

It’s starting to feel like you’ll never know. This is mainly due to the fact that Dabi is a shitty, shitty font of information. At first, you’d eagerly taken his calls and texts. In lieu of a tip, you asked him about this mission Tomura was on. He fed you vague, flippant, answers.

“Tch, this again? I already told you, they’re all fighting this giant. It’s some pet of the doctors.”

“And like I said the last, oh, I don’t know, twelve times, giant makes no sense to me. Can you expand on that a little bit? Like, what the hell does that mean? They’re fighting a fucking giant. Is that supposed to be some kinda bizarro hint? Cuz’ it sounds like you’re giving me shoddy information to get me off your back,” you snap, placing your foot on his box of requested medical kit supplies.

Dabi practically keeps you on standby now. The guy has gotten more aggressive in the last month, and the heavy price his fire quirk extorts on his body meant he needs a steady flow of burn cream, meds, stitches and pain relievers.

“Fuck, look, I don’t know how else to explain that fucker. I didn’t give a shit about boss man’s little mission to tame him, so the doctor and I worked out something else for me to do. I’m not around those guys right now, I’ve got other things I’m working on. Now give me my shit and get out of my face. Ask Toga about your little fuck buddy, I could give two shits about his well being.”

“Why follow him if you hate him so much?” God, this asshole is such a prick.

Dabi considers you for a long moment, his vibrant blue eyes lingering on your scowling face. “He’s a means to an end. I’m just here to see this society fall to its knees. Boss wants the same thing, so, for now, this arrangement works for both of us. Now, if I have to ask you to give me my fucking shit one more time, I’m gonna’ singe you where you stand.”

Sucking your teeth, you kick the box toward him and turn on your heel, slamming his door behind you. If he’s not going to be useful to you, why be useful to him? We’ll see how he likes it when you accidentally miss some of his shipment deadlines.

You pace out into the night, shrugging your jacket up on your shoulders. If they’re so far out, if they’re fighting something that sounds like an impossibility, why not ask you to bring them some supplies? Why haven’t they reached out to you?

As you wait for your train, you pull your phone from your pocket, your cold fingers resting against the glass. There’s a missed call from another contact, but no other notifications. You swipe over to your messages from Tomura. Your last text sits, still unopened, unread, uncared for, in his box. It’s not fair, you think, sliding your phone back and pressing your hands into the meager warmth of your pockets.

Tomura used to confide in you and you felt close to him. And not just in a physical sense. At first, the relationship between the two of you was just that, something that eased an itch. But you kept asking him things, liking the soft tone his voice could take on when he lost some of that anger.

Then, he started to wordlessly ask you to stay a little longer, his arms wrapping around your bare form, holding you against his warmth. It was nice. It was so, so satisfying and now it’s gone. Is this his way of moving on from you? You would have thought that he would have said something. He’s never struck you as someone who hides from a confrontation. So why the radio silence?

Another week passes and Dabi keeps calling. He’s practically got your entire schedule blacked out now with deliveries, upcoming shipments and transports. What. The. Fuck. It’s gotten so frustrating that you’ve started to waffle on picking up his calls, sending him straight to voicemail.

“What kinda courier leaves their fucking name on their voicemail? Stop ignoring my calls, (Y/N).”

Yeah, he’s a real charmer. At least he answers your messages though. It’s better than nothing, you keep telling yourself, trying to ignore the gnawing, munching feeling of bitterness that keeps rising. Yeah, Dabi’s gotten to be such a constant in your life that your phone keeps recommending him as a new favorite.

Would you like to add the contact: Dabi, to your favorites list? No, no you would not.

Then, suddenly, out of the blue, Dabi’s not answering you either. Your first, gut instinct, tells you that he’s likely annoyed with your spotty replies or he’s busy with...”Dabi things”. He’s always reminding you about the oh, so important “Dabi things”. ‘Don’t pester me with your shit, (Y/N). I’ve got something big I’m working on.’

But now? Fuck, now you’d kill to hear from him.

There’s absolutely nothing. No response from Toga, Compress, Spinner, Dabi and most important of all, Tomura.

He’d finally read your text. After two whole days had passed from the sent time stamp, he’d read it, and then opted to not respond. It stung. You can still feel that tightening emotion of dread, of abject hurt, that had radiated from your chest when you saw that he’d finally looked at your message and then just decided you weren’t worth his time.

Yeah, after seeing that, the last few days have been nothing but a full tilt boogie of emotions for you.

This must be a planned thing. Why else would they all coordinate their ghosting. He must have wanted to leave you behind and now, this distance has made it possible.

He’s been changing a lot lately.

Even before he left for this, whatever it was, he’d grown in confidence and skill. Fuck, he’d taken on a Yakuza boss and won. He’s becoming a leader, a competent force to be reckoned with. He doesn’t need you to bounce ideas off of anymore. A courier picked up at the start of his career isn’t a necessary piece to add to his collection.

Yeah, chances are, he’s moved on. He’s out of your reach now and you can’t help the thoughts that rise in the back of your mind. What if he’s found someone else? What if he just got bored with you? Did you put too much thought into this relationship? Well, that question has kinda answered itself. You put way too much into this. You had planned for things, hoped for…

Your phone rings and the noise startles you out of your head. You fumble for your vibrating device and lift the screen up before swiping to answer the call. Oh, it’s Toga. Fingers shaking, you lift the phone to your ear and are so happy to hear her babbling voice.

She tells you that she’s been meaning to call you, but, gosh, everything has gotten in the way. Plus, she took a bad hit in a fight. Oh, she’s ok, but it’s been a crazy week for her.

As she chatters about some random series of events that you can’t string together, you let out a long sigh. That coiling that’s been building in your stomach loosens and you’ve never been so relieved in your life. There’s still a chance. Maybe he hasn’t decided to leave you in the dust. Maybe...whoops, Toga asked you something.

“Deka City? No, I’ve never been there.”

“Oh good, well, I wouldn’t try and go now. Tomura sorta, mmm, crumbled it to bits.”

“What?”

“Oooh, and we’re part of a bigger group now…”

She tells you about something called Gigamantia and their new connections. Apparently, Tomura’s made another step up in the world. Now he’s leading something called Meta Liberation? What is that? It sounds kinda familiar, but where have you heard it?

Toga is winding down her conversation, her voice smoothing out. She promises she’ll answer your other texts soon and emails you a set of coordinates, saying they’ll see you there and clicks off.

You lower your phone to your lap, biting back the grin that won’t stop spreading across your face. Ok, so, maybe you’re not as abandoned as you thought. Maybe they, no, maybe he still needs you.

******

You found the building alright. It was impossible to miss. This place is massive, fit for an army. The security is tight, so tight that you’d even been screened by a guard at the door. Once they confirm that you are who you say you are, and you know who you say you know, you’re permitted entrance.

Who are all these people?

As you enter the “meeting room,” which is really a space that looks like a concert area, complete with a well lit stage, you’re pressed into the mass of bodies. There must be hundreds of people here and there’s some hulking creature, dozing in the corner.

Is this that giant Dabi mentioned? You totally thought he was making that shit up. And, wait, wait, is that a pro hero a few spaces away? What is this? Where is the League?

The overhead lights dim and your attention is drawn back to the sage. People are bustling around the elevated area and a plush chair is placed in the center. Looks like the show is about to start.

A loud, booming voice announces the arrival of a man called Redestro. He must be that long faced guy in the motorized chair and, oh, there he is.

He walks up slowly, it looks like he’s leaning on something, but you can’t see clearly. The crowd shifts around you and an inordinately tall man is blocking your view. Huffing out a sigh, you try to maneuver yourself to a better vantage place.

He’s seated now, his long legs spread out in front of him. Fuck, he looks both wonderful and terrible, at the same time. Wonderful because it’s Tomura, terrible because he’s covered in bandages and he’s got a brace on his leg. What happened to him?

Your eyes can’t stop roving over him, trying to drink in everything. He looks like he’s on edge, his fingers clutching at a small slip of paper, as his good leg jiggles against the chair. Why...ah, he’s being introduced. Wait. He’s being introduced as the leader of the Paranormal Liberation Front? So...so all these people...this entire organization...is his to command?

He clears his throat and you hear his voice for the first time in months. He’s halting at first, but as he continues his speech his tone deepens, strengthens, losing that early hesitation. He sounds good, powerful and confident.

You tear your eyes away from him and give the crowd a quick glance. They’re enraptured. A few paces away you can hear people whispering to each other, their voices low, awed.

“He took down Redestro…”

“He’s so young.”

“He’s kinda...I don’t know...handsome.”

“You’re right, he looks regal.”

That coiling, trembling feeling is making a strong comeback. It’s an ugly return and it makes your flesh prickle and cool. He’s left you in the lurch for months and now he’s become some sort of leader, of an entire, what is this...a cult? An organization? An army? How the fuck, would you know? No one, least of all Tomura, has told you anything, about any of this.

When the address and introductions (the League had made a, uh, flashy entrance) are over, someone comes up and taps you on your shoulder. It’s another one of those security guards. She says you’ve been requested, the League wants to see you.

She takes you past the stage and down a long hallway. It’s quiet back here and the silence doesn’t soothe your frayed nerves. You’re pointed to a large set of doors and you bite your lip before pushing them open.

Another large room greets you. This one is filled with plush couches, elegantly carved tables and multiple chairs. There’s so much to look at, you don’t even see them at first. No, you hear him before you see him. He’s talking with a tall woman, who is writing down what he dictates, her pen moving rapidly across her paper.

Fuck, you’ve missed his voice.

It’s quiet now, a little hoarse from his speech and you want to step closer. He’s standing next to some large windows, his back turned to you. He hasn’t even noticed you. What were you thinking? He’s this...God, leader now. What are you? Just a nobody he met when he was still pounding the pavement, looking for anyone who could help their cause, their mission. There’s nothing for you here, he’s…

“(Y/N).”

Your eyes snap up to his. Tomura has turned, one arm braced heavily on his crutch, and is looking right at you. His eyes are hooded, dark, you can’t get a read on him from here. You want to step closer, but that sickening feeling is falling, like a stone, into your gut. Despite your turbulent emotions, you can’t stop staring at him.

The thick bandages are off and his hair is longer, the white strands hang close to his collarbone now, gleaming and pearlescent. He looks, damn, he looks tired and...what’s that? There’s something dark on his hand, it’s black and it covers three of his fingers. Why is he wearing that half glove, oh, oh no. It’s not a glove you realize, horrified, it's a prosthetic. He’s lost some of his fingers.

“It took you long enough, come here, (Y/N).”

His voice has dropped an octave, lingering in that distant tone that he would use when he dragged his lips across your neck, rumbling and murmuring against your skin. He knew that you liked that, he knew that it would make you so desperate for him, your hands pawing at his shoulders, pulling...

No. He’s ignored you for weeks, no, months. You’re not about to just fall to pieces at his feet, crawling and begging for him to want you. Your eyes latch onto his and you minutely shake your head at his request, fingers squeezing into your palms.

The woman, noting the tension that’s suddenly entered the room, looks between the two of you, and abruptly makes herself scarce, her heels tapping against the floor as she walks to the door. Once you hear it close behind her you unstick your mouth, your tongue heavy against your teeth.

“Who was that?” you ask, your voice croaking, thick with disuse. You can’t help the question. It tumbles from your mouth before you can stop it. You’d meant to ask him something else, but the query just, pops out, angry and trembling.

“I don’t know. One of Redestro’s cronies. Why-” His face scrunches abruptly and a wince of pain passes of his features. “Why does it matter?” He finishes, his hand gripping a little tighter against his cane.

“You didn’t have to send for me, you know. It looks like you’ve upgraded everything else, why not me too?”

A scowl echoes across his lips. “What-”

You won’t let him finish his question, you can’t stand it anymore. You also can’t seem to stop. All of the emotions, the anger, the betrayal, the fucking, God, jealous thoughts that you’d slip into, alone in your cold bed. No, you’re not going to back down.

“You didn’t call, you didn’t text, and when you did, finally, manage to remember that I exist, the texts were so far and few between...fuck, sending a letter would have been faster. The only link I had to you was Dabi-”

“What?” He snaps, repeating his question, his red eyes, flashing, gleaming, glaring. “What does he have to do with anything?” His face is set in a deep snarl, his scar lifting along his white teeth. His fingers coil into his crutch, one digit arched away, and he begins the long journey to where you’re stubbornly standing.

You watch him on bated breath. The sheer excitement of his renewed presence is making you shake. The warring feelings that are rising inside you are too much. It’s too much, it’s, oh...he’s right in front of you now.

“Answer me, (Y/N). What the fuck does Dabi have to do with anything?”

You gulp. Tomura has never, ever liked you interacting with Dabi. It was that first subtle flirtation between you and the flame user that had set Tomura off in the first place. He had barely given you a second glance that first time you met him, but once your attention wandered over to Dabi, suddenly he was all ears. That animosity grew as time wore on.

If anything, Dabi took advantage of it. He liked to press you, corner you, it was one of the many things you disliked about him. He was a selfish ass, only manipulating things for his own, twisted amusement.

It’s a low blow for you to land on Tomura, to play up his own jealousies, but turnabout is fair play, right?

“He’s the only person I could reach. You want to know who my phone keeps asking me to favorite now? Fucking Dabi. I kept asking him about you, about what was going on, but he never knew.

So, then I tried reaching out to you, directly. But then you decided to conveniently lose my fucking number, or something. You didn’t answer a single thing after that last text I sent you, what, two weeks ago? You didn't call. You didn’t even act like I exist, it-”

“I told you it would be a while.”

“Yeah, a while doesn’t typically mean two months. And how do you come back to me? With a broken leg and, fuck, three missing fingers? What is going on Tomura? You’re a different person now. Do you even want me anymore? You don’t have to ghost me. You could have just told me that you were moving onto bigger and better things.

Congratulations, by the way. You’re the leader of a cult. Now, you can cut off all those lousy loose ends, like me-”

“You’re jealous.”

His voice has dipped into that low octave again, rasping, deep, and oh, fuck. You sputter at his assessment, your hands clenching into your pants. You need something to tether you, to keep you from reaching for him. You’re angry, remember? He’s left you, all alone, so alone and...

He’s shifted to lean into you, the warmth of him rolling over you in waves. You can hear his breathing, if you move a little bit closer you could feel it, too. He knows what he’s doing. He’s used this tactic on you before. It’s very effective. His crutch taps him nearer. He’s practically flush against your heaving chest and your eyes flick up to his.

The red is dark, tempered, and that swirling agitation has left him. He looks…

No, no, he left you for months, he can’t look at you like that. You shake your head, your eyes wincing shut, blocking him from view.

“I’m not...I-I’m not jealous, I was just-”

“Come here, (Y/N). Don’t make me ask you again.”

His new, half prosthetic hand reaches for your neck and traces over your trembling throat, ghosting over you, forcing you to press toward him. Once he’s satisfied you’re not going to reject his touch, he lets the digits tap onto you, gently, slowly, like he’s coaxing you out of your temper. The contrast of cool metal and warm skin makes you gasp, your eyes fluttering open.

He’s curved over your lips, his white hair drifting softly around your face. Unthinkingly, unquestioningly, you reach for him. Your fingers lace into the silken tendrils and he lets a slow exhale wash over your face. His verdant eyes are so close. They’re fixated on yours, refusing to let you slip from his gaze again.

You can’t breathe. There’s something else you want to scold him for, but...but his lips are so close. His nose bumps against yours and you bite your lower lip. He’s so warm. He smells nice too. It’s a rich smell, earthy, thick with some enticing aroma that’s all him. It floods your senses and you’re downing, distracted and lost.

Tomura’s won this little stand-off because you reach for him first. Your fingertips urge him to you, one thumb dragging a familiar trail across the mole on his chin. His lips are chapped, rough, but oh, oh you’ve missed this.

He lets you lead him, your lips pressing and lifting, planting feather light caresses against him. Your tongue swipes across his lower lip and he groans. It’s a husky, broken sound and it makes you yank at his clothes. His new suit crumples under your hands. You’d almost feel bad, if he hadn’t been such a neglectful ass to you. You’re nipping at him now, your kisses losing that sweet vulnerability.

Tomura approves of this frantic pace and one arm cages against your back, lifting you closer and dragging you against his front. His crutch clatters to the floor, but neither of you have the wherewithal to care.

Besides, you think happily, you can be his crutch now.

He’s biting and sucking, his teeth drifting from your trembling lips and pressing into your pulse. One particularly hard nip has you arching into him, a gasping whimper on your lips. His tongue laves over the hurt, lulling the nip.

Your hips instinctually lean into the his and you moan when you feel the hardness that is waiting for you there. Tomura presses back, dipping his nose into the juncture of your shoulder, his lips distractedly kissing against your skin. Your fingers trace down his front again and one hand goes lower still, running along his pants until you find what you’re searching for.

He growls when you apply just the right amount of pressure and he’s pulling your lips back to his, demanding more. You’re skirting your other hand to the clasp of his belt when someone barges in the door.

Gasping, you start to pull away, trying to turn, but Tomura holds you to him, lifting his chin until it’s resting against your shoulder. He’s glaring out at whomever the fuck is standing in the doorway, but his fingertips are moving against you, pressing and soothing down your fevered skin.

“Hey boss- ah…” Dabi is brought up short by the sight that greets him and you can hear the sneer that he must have thrown Tomura’s way.

Tomura, for his part, is quiet, content to silently stare down the man who stupidly interrupted him. He turns his head a fraction of an inch, but it’s enough room for him to drag his rough lips against your neck. You quake at the stimulation and hear Dabi let out a barking laugh.

“Ew, well this is fucking disgusting. Looks like the two of you can go back to fucking normal, eh (Y/N)? You and boss man can bone and get all that pent up insecurity out of your-”

“Get the fuck out,” you and Tomura say in unison.

You hear another scoffing chuckle and then the door slams shut.

Notes: The Dabi bits miiiight be in there because I finally got my belated birthday present of his Banpresto figure in today ԅ(≖◡≖ԅ)

Tags: @spicy-skull, @xwildskullx, @yixxes, @ghstmthr, @evesmores

*I think that’s everyone for now. If you wanna be added to a list just drop me a line & I’ll get you on the Google Doc: Shigaraki works, Dabi works, Hawks works, BNHA works, All works...works, works. There’s likely more to come, but that’s what I got for now. k byeeee.

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sunsetsover · 3 years

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Just hopping on the anons last week who said they'd done reading around BPD and Ben etc after reading your posts to say... when Whitney told Ben he makes everything about himself in this week's eps I immediately thought of you! Like lemme explain lmao I remember last year you wrote about how lots of fans said Ben was making everything about him when him and Callum had that argument about the warehouse job in Sept.? And you wrote about how you viewed it and how looking at Ben through a lense of mh goes a different interpretation etc. Idk Whitney saying that just made me recall your thoughts on the fandom saying the same thing lmao.

(although tbh I didn't think Whitney was v fair saying that anyway bc how was he meant to know Callum had witnessed a stabbing etc?? He wasn't making it about himself he was simply worrying about the info he had access to???)

no joke i literally thought the exact same thing after i watched it yesterday. not the post (tho i do remember what you're talking about!) but i was like 'oh ben's behaviour is VERY bpd' like probably the most obvious example we've had since 2019 maybe and then i was like man.... how many people are going to have Bad Takes abt ben's behaviour and how he's 'selfish' and then i was thinking abt what whit said and it reminded me of something i heard once and i've tried to find it but i can't and i'm gutted bc it made so much sense but it was abt how bpd are often viewed as selfish or making everything abt us but we do that bc we literally feel like everything IS because of us/our fault. it's literally a Symptom. like when you're hypersensitive and terrified of everyone abandoning you EVERYTHING feels personal.

like someone's in a bad mood? clearly i have done something to put them in a bad mood. someone doesn't reply? clearly they hate me. you smile at someone in public and they don't smile back? clearly they can sense something is Wrong with me and didn't want to engage. either that or they think i'm hideously ugly. that's the default assumption, that it's somehow something to do with me. not that they're going thru their own shit or that they're busy or tired. and then when we're talking abt someone you're close too, the fear of abandonment comes into play where you either start to push them away bc you're convinced they're gonna leave anyway or frantically do things or change things to help convince them to stay, and both of these can go very extreme. and ofc it's not logical but we can't help it. i'm always saying this to people in my life: i know how i'm feeling/what i'm doing isn't logical and it doesn't make sense, but i literally can't help it. it's like the sensible you is locked in the back of your brain forced to witness all of your own bs but they're literally powerless to do anything about it.

which is also why i can understand under the hysteria of your own fear of abandonment and hypersensitivity why ben could convince himself callum was gonna leave him for whitney. like ofc i get why ppl would find that unrealistic and offensive, but i can't NOT see him as bpd, and when you have bpd that fear of abandonment is so so incredibly pervasive that you start thinking things like that and convince yourself that they're real. like you genuinely believe them. and someone of sound mind is like 'that doesn't make any sense, he's gay' but like.... that almost is irrelevant to a certain degree. your own belief that you're so unlovable and that everyone is going to leave you holds SO much weight in your mind, more than even reality itself.

like you could almost compare it to hallucination. reality and logic dictates that it's impossible for there to be a man crawling on the ceiling, but if you can see it and hear it and feel it then ofc you're going to believe it's real. reality and logic become irrelevant bc you KNOW it's there, even though it isn't, u know? it's the same kind of thing: reality says ofc callum isn't gonna propose to whitney when he's married and literally gay, but that all-consuming fear of abandonment is so much louder when it says 'he's lying, he's sneaking around w his ex, he's not talking to you about anything, he's got a ring, ofc he's gonna propose to her, she didn't ask him to quit his job or force him into a position where he had to lie for months, ofc he was gonna leave, he just married you out of pity, this is all your fault, you don't deserve happiness or love bc you're a bad person lmao what did you even expect?' etc u know

if i'm being completely honest if i were in ben's shoes i could EASILY see myself being convinced my gay partner is gonna leave me for their ex of the opposite sex. like worryingly easily. and tbh between that and what was going on with kheerat, i actually think he coped surprisingly well. like i genuinely thought that yesterday that if i was in his situation i probably would have reacted much worse and been in much worse a state than he was. and i'm not just saying that, i think his growth since 2019 is obvious in how tame his reaction to it all was tbh.

i realize probably no one will bother but if anyone really is interested and wants to understand more then u should watch this video. i've timestamped it at the first point bc if nothing else u should listen to that bc it helps explain what i've said in a much better way esp the example abt clearing out the garage but the whole video is really good and i would love for some ppl to watch it. like i know it's half hour and that's a long time and also the interviewer is obnoxious and p insensitive but the doctor herself is really good and explains everything i've been trying to explain in a MUCH better way than i ever could and i think it will really help you understand what it's like to be someone bpd and what it actually means for day to day life

like i realize i've completely gone off on one w this and im sorry but i have opinions and i just want people to understand you know?? not necessarily for ben as a character but for all the ppl out there w bpd bc !!!! no one gives a fuck abt us they just misunderstand us and then do literally nothing to try and understand us when we try to explain ourselves so to have ppl actually engaging in this dialogue w me makes me very excited and i try to explain as much as i can while i have the opportunity u know lmao so i very much appreciate you and getting messages like this thank you 💞💞💞

#anon #question #like !!!!! i just have a lot to say !!!!!! im sorry !!!!

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smolanon · 3 years

Text

Childish (c!Schlatt x Reader)

Hello everyone! I have officially returned from my hiatus! Sorry I was gone for so long, but I think I'm feeling much better now. I wrote this as sort of a lighthearted return to writing. I have quite a few fics in the works right now, so let me know if you wanna W.I.P list! I'm trying out scheduling this fic so yeah, let's hope that goes alright!

This fic was inspired by this headcanon on @boobberries blog, sent in by @paintpaletteanon! Thank you so much to the both of them for allowing me to use it in this fic. :) I take it as a gift of peace for starting an angsty Schlatt movement on Roni's blog!

Type: humor, fluff

Word count: 1,257 words

Most of the time, you were a pretty tame person. Between George's oversleeping, Quackity's over-the-top energy, and Schlatt's unprofessionalism, somebody had to play the straight man or else Manburg's entire cabinet would fall apart. Everyone was quite used to your more mild nature; it went so far as to leak into your person life with Schlatt at times. Which is why your poor, unsuspecting boyfriend was caught so off guard by you acting like such a little shit.

It was an average day when it happened for the first time. Schlatt was reading through some papers with a pensive look on his face and you came up behind him, lightly touching his arm and opening your mouth to ask if everything was alright. However, before a single sound could leave your lips, Schlatt was jumping and letting out a surprised bleat. When you say jump, you mean leapt. It was a good thing you were outside at the time because he reached a height you had no clue anyone could reach.

When he spun around to face you, starting to chew you out for sneaking up on him, you couldn't help but let out an incredulous laugh.

"How did you jump so high?" You said between fits of giggles. His cheeks flushed and he glared daggers into your soul.

"I'm a goat hybrid, dumbass. Don't do that again."

Now, normally you would listen to that prompting, especially at work, and the scenario would be packed away into his mind as an embarrassing, yet fond memory. So he was absolutely flabbergasted when he rounded a corner to head into the Whitehouse and was greeted with-

"Boo!" You cackled as he jumped once more. He swore at your hunched over form, smacking you upside the head with some rolled up papers.

"Why the hell did you do that?!" He placed a hand over his pounding heart, adrenaline rushing through his veins.

"I'm s-" You cut yourself off with a wheeze, "I'm sorry! It's just s-so hilarious!" You descended into another fit of laughter. He rolled his eyes at you fondly, trying to hide his smile from you.

The next few weeks were absolute torture. He could not turn a corner, leave his back to you, or hand you any loud items because a good 80% of the time, it would result in him leaping in distress. He threatened to make you sleep on the couch if you continued to do it. Afterwards, he found a pillow and a few blankets on the couch before getting the daylights spooked out of him once again.

Never had he seen you act like such a child. Quackity's endorsement of the behavior was absolutely no help whatsoever. The poor ceilings of most buildings he went had many dents in them. You could find him anywhere at any time, scare the life out of him, then promptly disappear, probably to set up the next spook. He could not find a moment of peace.

But then, suddenly, it stopped. Great, right? Wrong. The lack of the expected shocks disturbed him deeply. He turned every corner like an animal that knew it was being hunted. Any time you would lag behind while you walked, he would tense as if preparing to be grabbed, but the sensation never came. You had stopped, and he finally started to relax. Normalcy had returned, and his peace and quiet along with it.

He read through some papers on his desk, thoroughly engrossed in his work. Concentration was hard to come by for him, so he was incredibly focused on the documents. The perfect target.

He did not hear the door when it opened. Your feet made no sound as you moved across the floor like a wildcat, ready to strike. He didn't even sense your maniacal presence behind him as you poised, grinning, before your hands shot out and quickly grabbed his sides.

It all hit him in quick, unpleasant waves. The initial jolt of panic, followed immediately by his heart stopping, and then pure unfiltered dread.

"FOR FUCKS SAKE!"

You keeled over laughing, leaning heavily against his desk for support. He rubbed his head, glaring up at the two new dents in the ceiling. When his enraged gaze fixed on you, you only laughed harder.

"Is this funny to you? Does this look like a fucking joke?" He tried to sound angry, to seem scary. The sinister grin on his face would have scared most into silence. But, alas, you were not like most people.

"I think it's the funniest thing I've seen in years." You grinned up at him.

"I'm going to kill you." He growled through his teeth, lunging forward and trying to grab you.

Lucky for you, you were faster than him and leapt out of his reach with a delighted shriek. You took off down the hallways as he shouted after you.

"Get back here you fucking brat!"

Your laughter and footsteps filled the building, most of the employees sending odd glances your way as you sprinted past, only to tuck their heads down as the President followed in suit. Ahead of you, Quackity poked his head out into the hallway, his face a mixture of concern and amusement.

"The hell did you do?" He shouted at you.

"I'll explain later!" You yelled back over your shoulder as you passed him, face pulled into a grin.

You thought that as soon as you got out of the building, he would stop chasing you. You were wrong. It felt like fire was in your lungs as you hit the half demolished wall. You only had time to turn around before Schlatt was pinning you to the wall.

"Gotcha!" You laughed, squealing and trying to move under his arm. "Oh, no you don't!" He scooped you up in his arms, a small reluctant smile pulling at his lips.

You twisted halfheartedly in his arms, still laughing uncontrollably. A small kick to the wall was able to knock him off his balance just enough to send him plummeting to the ground, and you along with him. The grassy ground knocked the wind out of your lungs momentarily, very briefly cutting off your laughter, but as soon as you started up again, you could hear Schlatt begin to laugh along with you.

"What now, genius?" He grinned up at you. You laughed, wiggling just a little more before settling into his arm and leaning in to peck his lips.

"You've been an absolute menace, what makes you think you deserve kisses?" He narrowed his eyes at you.

You pouted up at him.

"Puppy eyes will not work on me, you little shit." His lips twitched a little; he was fighting a smile.

You rested your chin against his chest, whimpering a little.

"No." His words faultered slightly.

"Please?"

You could see his resolve break, and his lips finally tugged up into a smile. "Fine."

You cheered happily and wrapped your arms around his neck, pecking his lips repeatedly and giggling between each one.

"Seriously, what's got you all riled up?" He laughed out, resting his forehead against yours.

"I just need a break from being all serious sometimes." You admitted, smiling up at him and placing a softer, longer kiss on his lips.

"Well, that is fair, just maybe be a pest to Quackity next time you feel like being a shit, alright?" He spoke once you pulled away.

You laughed and nodded. "Alright, but don't expect me to not use your jumping habit against you in the future."

#Schltt #Fluff #Humor #Just a little fic to ease back into writing

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just-jordie-things · 4 years

Text

Love Letter - Richie Tozier

word count: 12,440 (I got really carried away) warnings: swearing request: @oceanspray5: Hi! Can you write a hc or (even better) a fic for Richie x fem!Reader (only if you want to of course) where he is deeply in love with her. She's sweet and nice but evryone says he's bad for her cuz he's a trashmouth so he would only corrupt her. Cue Richie leaving secret notes and flowers from the quarry in her locker as an outlet to try and rid himself of his heartache/feelings, not expecting anything in return, until one day she accidently finds out and it's happy ending of course. Thank you! summary: When Ben tells Richie that the best thing to help with his feelings for (y/n) is to write her a love letter, the trashmouth never expected it to turn into a full on secret admirer thing.

___

A simple note. That’s all he had to do, all he had to write. He could pour out everything he was feeling into one little letter, slip it into her locker, and get it over with.

Ben said that’s how easy it was! He’d told him that as long as he was honest, and spilled his very heart out onto the paper, then his heart wouldn’t go so crazy around her anymore. He wouldn’t feel like he was suffocating as she filled every one of his senses.

However, now that he’s looking at this letter, this heartfelt letter, and probably the most sincere thing he’s ever written, he didn’t feel all that much better.

So right away, he picked up the phone and called Ben.

“Hi, Richie-”

“Yeah hey, what the fuck is this shit?” Richie jumped right into it, before Ben could even really say hello. “You said this would help!”

“Are you talking about the letter?” Ben asked hopefully.

Richie rolled his eyes.

“No. I’m talking about fucking smoking crack- yes I’m talking about the letter. You told me that once I wrote it, it would be off my chest and I wouldn’t have to think about her anymore?”

Ben was silent on the other end for a moment, and Richie tapped his foot impatiently on the floor.

“What do you mean?” He finally asked.

“What do I- Ben!” Richie screeched into the phone, “I said that I needed to stop thinking about (y/n) all the time, because I was starting to act like an idiot in front of her, remember?”

“Right, because you’re in love with her” Ben said in agreement.

“Yeah, whatever, my point is I wrote the goddamn letter and it hasn’t helped”

“Well, what do you mean it hasn’t helped?”

“I mean I’m still fucking thinking about her!” Richie yelled again.

“Can you stop yelling? It hurts my ear,” Ben muttered. “But you're doing something wrong, writing her a little love note isn’t supposed to get rid of your own feelings”

“But that’s what I-!”

“I don’t get why you want to stop liking her, (y/n’s) awesome,” Ben cut him off. “What you should do is give her your letter”

Richie almost had a heart attack. He really thought he was going to spasm and then drop dead on his bedroom floor.

“What, the, fuck?”

“Yeah,” Ben responds, and Richie can only assume that he’s shrugging his shoulders. “After I gave Bev my poem, I felt way better! Just knowing that she know how I feel-”

“What the hell? She doesn’t even know it’s from you!” Richie shrieks.

It’s silent again.

“Sorry for yelling” Richie mumbled.

“Thanks,” Ben answers. “But you don’t have to tell her that it’s you. It still feels good to know that she knows someone really likes her. Just give her it, you’ll know what I mean”

“How do I give it to her without her knowing it was from me?”

“I dunno. Slip it in her locker?”

Richie mulls it over for a moment, thinking about how he could put a letter like this in her locker when she’s not around. He decides that no one can be around, he doesn’t want a single person on this planet to know that he’s done this. Besides Ben, he supposes.

“You sure it’ll help?”

“Yeah” Ben replies, but it’s unenthusiastic, and not convincing at all.

Richie thinks he might just have to take the chance anyways, because if he holds onto all these feelings any longer, he might just explode, and that doesn’t seem like a good idea. ___

That’s how Richie finds himself sneaking into the hall the next day at school. He’d asked to go to the bathroom in the middle of class, when he knew the halls would be empty, and it would be the prime time to put his letter in (y/n’s) locker.

His plan worked.

There was no one around, and he slipped the folded paper in between the vents of her locker.

Luckily, he met her at her locker every day after school, so he knew exactly which one was hers. And as soon as the paper disappeared and fluttered into the locker, he felt the weight lift off his shoulders.

Ben was right. This was exactly what I needed.

He lingered there at her locker for a minute, feeling more relaxed than ever. And (y/n) hadn’t even read it yet. This was going to be perfect.

Maybe she’d wonder who it was for a couple days, maybe even for a week. But eventually she’ll get over it, and Richie hoped he could get over his feelings for her too.

Then they could go back to being friends, and he wouldn’t feel so awkward all the time. Perfect. ___

“Do you know anything about this?”

Beverly turned to (y/n), blowing a rather large bubble of bubblegum as she glanced at the paper in her friend’s hands. Shrugging, she shook her head, and her bubblegum popped.

“Nope” She answered.

(y/n) let out a short sound of disappointment as she looked back at the paper. It had been stuffed haphazardly in her locker, and as soon as she’d put in the combination and opened the door, it had fluttered down to her feet.

It was exciting at first, from the moment she opened it, she hung onto every word spilled out on the page. It was definitely the grandest gesture anyone had ever done for her, not to mention the most romantic thing she’d ever read. And to know that someone had written this for her, it made her heart pound in her ears, and her whole face had turned pink.

She read it over three times, before gathering her things for her next class, and racing off. She’d hoped, she’d crossed her fingers that Beverly knew who the boy was that had forgotten to sign his name.

She even said a little prayer in hopes that it was the boy she wished.

But if Beverly didn’t know about this note, then she probably didn’t know who it was from.

“What’s wrong?” The red haired girl asked, realizing that (y/n) had deflated in her seat.

“Oh, nothing, I just…”

“You want it to be from someone, don’t you?” Beverly asked, a smirk spreading across her lips.

She’s been friends with (y/n) for years now, and knew exactly what that longing look on her face meant.

“Well, maybe,” The girl admitted softly. “But it’s just so… carefully written, you know? I just feel like… like whoever wrote it should tell me”

“It is odd that it’s not signed,”

Beverly furrowed her brows, eyes skimming over the page skeptically. Her mind drifted to the beautiful poem she’d gotten on a postcard a couple years ago, and how that hadn’t been signed either.

“That means they don’t want you to know who it’s from”

“But I’m dying to know, Bev”

“Yeah, well, unless you want to interrogate the whole school, you’ll just have to accept it”

(y/n) frowned.

“That’s horrible advice”

Beverly laughed, and shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly.

“Or you could always do a little investigating. Match up the handwriting, see if there’s anyone who talks to you like that,” She suggested, gesturing to the paper. “Wanna talk after school? Maybe flip through the yearbook and look at possible candidates?”

“Sure,” (y/n) lets out a small laugh at the idea. “Making lists always helps”

Of course, Beverly knew that.

“Great, I’ll call you after I finish this essay I’ve been putting off?” The redhead asked.

(y/n) nodded in agreement, thinking this was probably the next best idea they had.

She read through the note one more time, before carefully folding it back up by it’s original creases, and tucking it carefully into her bag. Class was going to start soon, she’d have to put off her investigation for another time. ___

Richie Tozier always met (y/n) at her locker at the end of the day. Mostly because it was the only time none of their other friends could drag her away from him. They had a tendency to want to put distance between the two.

Stan and Eddie had told (y/n) time and time again that she shouldn’t get too ‘exposed’ to Richie because he was such a trashmouth. She didn’t get it, and ignored their stupid warnings anyways. She was a big girl, she could make decisions for herself.

Besides, whenever she’d get to her locker to find Richie leaning against it, her knees got weak, and her heart would soar.

“Hello, Tozier” She greeted with a wide smile, one that she didn’t even bother to try taming.

“G’afternoon, m’lady” He responds in a dumb and not too great accent, but she laughs anyways as she spins in her locker combo.

Richie’s tapping his foot, staring at her anxiously. The good feeling he’d had earlier today getting eaten up by his nerves. What if she knew?

“Hey, are you doing anything?” She asks him, glancing up at him as she puts her books away.

“Besides standing here and breathing? I guess not” He retorts.

Jesus fucking christ that was the most embarassing thing you’ve ever said, what are you? A dad? Because that was a dad joke you dumb fuck-

“I mean after school,” (y/n) giggles, slinging her backpack over her shoulder, and shutting her locker. “I want a slushie”

“And I’m the only fella in the land that you want to accompany you?” He asks.

He mentally face-palms again.

For fucks sake would you get it together?

But again, she laughs, and nods her head.

“Sure, something like that,” She tells him. “Wanna go?”

“Abso-fuckin’-lutely”

They walk side by side out of school and into town. Normally they’d go to the quarry together to meet the others, but pretty much everyone had something going on, and couldn’t make it.

Some of Richie’s nerves had calmed, but he still found himself tapping at his leg when it would get silent between them.

She had a way of easing his nerves, but still making his heart pound like it was trying to get out of his chest.

(y/n) looked over to him, and leaned over to bump her side against his, bringing him out of his stupor.

“You sure are quiet today, Trashmouth,” She commented. “Somethin’ on your mind?”

“No, I just like hearing you run your mouth” He replied, hoping that she brushed his awkwardness as just him teasing.

She rolled her eyes back at him, but a smile curled on her lips.

“You’re funny,” She says nonchalantly. “I didn’t mean to talk so much”

“No really, you ramble a lot, it’s hilarious and adorable”

Her face got hot immediately after the word left his mouth, and so did Richie’s, but he did his best to hide it.

They get to 7-Eleven not too long after, and finally Richie seems to be his usual self.

He mixes a bunch of slushie flavors together, like an animal, and (y/n) can’t help but stick her tongue out as she watches him mix blueberry, cherry, orange, and lemon lime.

“What’s your problem?” Richie asks, adding banana slushie until it’s reached the top of his cup.

(y/n) shakes her head and scrunches up her nose in mock disgust at the action.

“How can you drink that?” She asks, filling her own cup with her usual cherry and blueberry mix. The way you were supposed to drink them.

“I like to live dangerously, toots” Richie replied with a wink that made her roll her eyes affectionately.

He brought his cup to the counter, giving the clerk the money for it and then some to cover (y/n’s). Just as she’d walked up to the register, sipping on her perfectly mixed drink, Richie was already grabbing her arm and pulling her out of the store.

“But I have to-”

“I already paid,” He told her, and cut her off just as she opened her mouth to protest. “Too late now, it’s already paid for, now come on”

She made a face, because she did not need him to do that, but it was still kind, so she thanked him quietly and followed behind him as they went outside.

They sat on the curb, setting their bookbags down and enjoying their cold drinks.

“It’s weird that we don’t hang out” (y/n) said, and Richie looked over to her, but she was staring down at her cup.

“Yeah,” He agreed. “But it’d be pretty humiliating to be murdered by Eddie, so…”

She laughs, but it’s half-hearted.

“Still…” She trails off, and dares a glance over to him. “We should just hang out anyways” Her eyes can’t meet his as she speaks, too bashful, but she waits for him to respond.

Richie gives her a wide grin, and when he chuckles, she finally looks up at him.

“How devious of you, breaking rules and shit” He says before sipping on his horrible concoction of flavors that shouldn’t taste good together.

“It’s not a rule,” She says, scolding him just a bit. “It’s just… I don’t want to upset my friends, our friends,” She says carefully, and then peeks up at him nervously. “But… you’re my friend too you know”

Somehow she did that thing again. Where his heart skyrockets, and then crashes so hard in his gut he thinks it might make him barf.

That might be his slushie talking, though.

“Yeah, I know,” Richie responds, staring downwards so he didn’t have to see her expression. “You’re my friend too”

A small smile quirks on her lips, and then she scoots closer to him, setting her drink down to grab her bag.

“As my friend, would you like to help me on a very top secret investigation?”

She wiggles her eyebrows at him excitedly before opening her backpack, and rummaging in it.

“I want to ask more questions but how can I say no to an invitation like- oh fuck”

She pulls out a folded piece of paper that Richie recognizes instantly, he almost spits out orange flavor from his nose, but he’s quick to swallow and sets his cup down.

As (y/n) excitedly hands him the opened note, he grabs at it frantically, eyes scanning over the words he thought he’d memorized. He hadn’t, apparently, because reading it now made his gut wrench and he wished he had just gotten a plain cherry slushie.

“Isn’t that fucking awesome?” (y/n) squeals, latching onto his arm with both hands, and reading along with him.

Richie’s eyes probably scanned over the paper four times before he finally reacted.

“Holy shit, toots,” He mumbled. “You’ve got someone whipped”

She blinked at him, her smile still on her face, even though with every passing second, she was confirming her worst thought.

It wasn’t Richie.

A part of her heart longed for him to say ‘to be honest… I wrote you this’. But the longer Richie stared at it, analyzing the text, the harder reality struck her. It couldn’t be him.

When he handed her the note back, she frowned for a moment, but just as quickly plastered on a smile.

“Something wrong with it?” Richie asked, a bit too impulsive, but he caught her look and freaked out at the thought that she was disappointed in it.

“No, actually, it’s entirely perfect,” She admitted softly, holding onto the edges of the paper as not to put a single crinkle in it. “But Bev says that whoever did write it, had no intention of coming forward”

“Well, yeah, isn’t that the point?” Richie asked.

“The point?” (y/n) repeated unsurely.

“Yeah, that now you know someone out there… loves you… that much”

He cringed at his words, but (y/n) stared up at him, waiting for more of an explanation.

“I don’t understand,” She told him. “If I loved someone that much… I think that it would be very difficult for me to hide that,”

She wasn’t wrong, but Richie almost shivered as a chill went down his spine.

“I mean, wouldn’t you?”

“Wouldn’t I what?” He asked, too lost in thought to focus on her words.

“Well, think of it from my perspective,” (y/n) angled her body towards his as she spoke. “If you’d gotten a note like this, wouldn’t you expect someone to come out and just- I don’t know, profess their love to you? It feels like a pretty grand gesture to me,”

Richie contemplates it for a moment. He thinks about declaring his love for her, loudly, in front of the whole school, the whole world, and just pouring his heart out in ways he couldn’t have done on paper. Telling her every beautiful thing about her that he loves, every wonderful thing that has changed his life, and his view on what it truly means to be alive-

“I’m daydreaming way too much,” (y/n) draws him back from his thoughts with a short laugh and a shake of her head. “Wow, I really thought I was in a romance novel for a second there”

She laughs again, but Richie can barely hold a smile.

“I don’t think that’s a bad thing,” He says, picking up his slushie. “And I think it’s normal for you to want to… um… know who wrote it”

She gives him a sad sort of smile, and finally lets go of his arm so she can grab hold of her own slushie.

“I don’t think I’m gonna figure it out,” She sighs. “But if you hear anything, you’d tell me, right?”

“Absolutely,” Richie answers without hesitation, and the smile that takes over her lips is genuine this time. “Trade?” He asks, holding out his slushie for her.

Her nose crinkles again, but she curiously leans over to take a sip from his straw.

After swallowing, she smacks her lips, tasting the remnants of the strange flavor.

“Okay. It’s not that bad” She admits, and Richie beams at her victoriously before drinking from her own plain slushie.

“I knew you’d like it, toots”

They hang out on the curbside until their slushies are gone, and then Richie walks her home.

She does an odd thing as she says goodbye though, something she’s never done before anyways.

She hugs him.

It’s quick, and he doesn’t even have the time to reciprocate the action before she’s pulling away, smiling as she waves, and heads inside.

It’s simple, but he thinks about it over and over as he walks home. ___

(y/n),

I want to keep this simple, because honestly if I get too into it I think I’ll keep writing until there’s no more paper in the world. Or at least no more paper that I have.

So, I’m in love with you, take that as you will, but writing it has been surreal, let alone feeling it for the last year or so. I just wanted to let you know, because it’s been weighing on me for a while now, and I think I’m going to die soon from feeling it all the time.

And it’s not artificial either, it’s real love, and I’ve felt it long enough now to know that it's a complete and total infatuation I have for you, I’m not just romanticizing what we have. Which isn’t much to begin with. But still, I love you.

I thought you deserved to know. It doesn’t feel fair to you, for me to have this all-consuming feeling and not let you know, even though it concerns you. I think you’re the greatest person I’ve ever met, and the greatest one I ever will meet, and I think that you deserve to be loved like this, the way I love you.

Yours,

Empty.

(y/n) stared at that spot like if she waited long enough, a name would appear. Of course, after ten minutes of laying in bed and staring, nothing happened.

Besides the sudden spikes in her heartbeat of course.

But she’d figure it out eventually. Even if it took the rest of the year, hell, even if it took the rest of her life, she was committed to finding the author. ___

Richie woke up earlier than usual the next morning. Maybe because he couldn’t sleep, maybe because all he thought about was (y/n) and the fact that he’d poured his heart out to her, and she didn’t even know it.

And he was just dying to do it again.

It may have been too early to go to school, but he got himself ready and left the house anyways.

He decided that it was a good idea to collect flowers on his walk to school, stalling and plucking any of the prettiest ones he could find.

Dandelions are weeds, Richie, his mother’s voice scolded in his head, but he pushed the thought away.

By the time he made it to school, he had quite an abundance of dandelions, clovers, bluebells, and some tiny purple flower that he knew she’d think was pretty.

He was pretty proud that he was able to tie the tiny bouquet with a broken dandelion stem. And he thought that (y/n) would find it cute too. She was always picking dandelions and cattails and other strange plants from the quarry, either placing them in Bev’s hair, or fashioning them together in a crown.

Once he’d made it to the school, he had just enough time to stick the flowers carefully into the vents of (y/n’s) locker, so that they would stay in place without falling. ___

(y/n) almost squealed with delight when she’d found the gift at her locker this morning. Beverly had to remind her that it was too early in the day for such high pitched sounds.

“But they’re so cute” (y/n) murmured.

“So is this a regular thing then?” Beverly asked, drawing (y/n) out of the trance she appeared to be in while staring at the flowers. “You know, the notes and flowers and… shit”

(y/n’s) brows furrowed, but Beverly just smirked back at her.

“I hope so,” She answered. “I mean, it should be easier to figure out who it is that way, right? They’ve got to slip up at some point”

“I guess that makes sense,” Beverly shrugs. “Hey, how come you didn't call me yesterday? I thought we were gonna flip through yearbooks and list the options?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” (y/n) exclaimed. “I completely forgot, I just got caught up with…”

“With what?” Beverly asked.

(y/n) glanced around the busy halls, making sure that Stan or Eddie was nowhere around.

“Okay, don’t tell the others… but Richie and I hung out yesterday” (y/n) admitted, a bit more shy than she needed to be.

Her cheeks turned pink, and she had to bite back a grin. The action only made Bev’s smirk widen.

“Oh did you?” She mused, crossing her arms and leaning against the locker next to (y/n’s).

“Yeah,” (y/n) mumbled, almost dreamily. “We got slushies”

“Well isn’t that just romantic?”

“What? No- no it wasn’t like- no no no-”

“You’re stammering,” Beverly laughs. “Besides, I already knew you had a thing for him”

“What-!?” (y/n) hissed, but it didn’t matter, because Bev just shook her head.

“Yeah, it was pretty obvious. But anyways, how was it? Did you show him the note?”

“I did…” She said through a small huff. “ANd um, it wasn’t from him”

“Oh” Beverly said with the same disappointment.

“But that’s okay, it’s Richie, he would never do something like that,” (y/n) brushed it off with an awkward laugh. “Besides, you know how Stan and Eddie are, always trying to keep me away from him”

Beverly rolled her eyes, but she could tell that she’d hoped Richie had been behind all this, so she tried to move past the sensitive subject.

“Speaking of those idiot boys, we better get to class” ___

The next day, (y/n) found another small string of flowers tucked into the vents of her locker.

And the day after that, multiple small bouquets.

And the day after that, her locker was blanketed in dandelion and lilac heads, taped carefully to cover the whole door. She probably gawked at it for five minutes before putting in her combination as delicately as possible, not wanting to make any of the pretty decorations fall off.

“Wow,”

The voice made her jump, and she swiveled around to see Richie grinning at the current state of her locker.

“That’s… a lot” He said, it was all he could think to say.

“Yeah,” (y/n) answered bashfully, letting out a soft giggle. “Whoever did this must have come to school really early,” She mumbled, mostly to herself.

Maybe that’s how she’d get him, and it dawned on her, that it was the only possible solution.

Her eyes noticeably widened as her jaw dropped open at the realization.

“Oh my god, Richie, you’re a genius”

“Um-”

“Before school, they’ve got to do all this before school! In the morning!”

She grabs his shoulders and shakes him excitedly without thinking. The poor boy looks so confused, and worried, but he gives her the best smile he can manage. It’s not pretty.

“You want to come with me?” She asks him.

She looks so hopeful, her eyes are bright and she’s pushing her lips together to keep from smiling too wide, but Richie can tell she wants to.

Well. Fuck.

“Want to, um, what-?”

“Want to catch him with me?” She asks, trying to talk quietly, but the eagerness in her voice makes it go up a couple octaves.

He thinks she looks like a six year old on christmas morning. And how is he supposed to say no to her?

“Sure,” He says, and it takes a lot for him not to let out a sigh as he agrees. “How early though? Because I like to sleep until I absolutely have to-”

“Thank you, Richie!” (y/n’s) enthusiasm was bubbling over the top, as she practically jumped up to kiss his cheek, before grabbing her things to head off to class.

He’s stunned to frozenness, of course, by the quick action.

“I gotta go, but I’ll call you tonight to talk about the morning!” She calls after him, and waves goodbye as she makes her way down the hall.

Even when the bell rings, he’s still standing there, the spot on his face where her lips had brushed burning hot on his skin.

But the sweet moment is quickly washed away as he realizes what he just agreed to. ___

Richie isn’t surprised to hear (y/n’s) voice as soon as he picked up his phone that night. It was late, far too late for him to be up and talking on the phone, but he’d keep his voice down so his parents wouldn’t wake up.

Luckily, he had his own extension in his room.

“Alright toots, what’s your plan?” He asked, sitting back on his bed while she began her rambling.

“Okay, I’ve thought it out perfectly,” She starts, and he expected no less. “The perfect hiding spot- and stay with me here- is the girl’s bathroom across the hall from my-”

“Yeah, no,” Richie disagreed right away. “I’m not going in the girl’s bathroom, I’m not that much of a perv”

“It’s not pervy!” She argued. “No one else will be there, it’s fine. Now hush and listen,”

Richie rolls his eyes, but manages to keep quiet so she can continue explaining her plan.

“I say we hide out there for half an hour, and catch him in the act!”

The boy can’t help with wince, feeling guilty, since she won’t be catching anybody.

“Alright then,” He exhales. “You’re telling me I have to get up at 6:30?”

“No, I’m telling you we have to be there at 6:30,” She corrects him politely. “You should probably get up around-”

“Why don’t you swing by here on your way, and then we’ll just go together,” Richie suggests. “Just ring the doorbell, and I’ll wake up, and we’ll go”

“Richie, that won’t be nearly enough time-”

“Trust me toots, it’s plenty of time,” He cuts her off, and she’s quiet on the other end of the line. “Well, I best be getting to sleep since you’re getting me up so early for this scheme of yours”

“It’s not a scheme, Tozier, it’s a plan!”

“It’s a scheme”

“Plan!”

“G’night toots” Richie laughs, and he can hear her mumbling in frustration.

“Goodnight” She answers, and then hangs up the line.

Almost as soon as he puts the phone down, Richie’s confidence disappears, and anxiety strikes him again.

He really was going to kill Ben for getting him into all this. It was way out of hand.

Although he supposed he could’ve just written the note and left it… but he liked getting the flowers for her, he liked seeing her face light up in the mornings when she’d find them.

He needed a plan of his own. ___

The following morning, (y/n) had been at Richie’s door at 6:15 sharp, giving them just enough time to walk to school… and then some because she figured Richie wouldn’t be out of bed and ready to go as he thought he would be.

And he wasn’t.

He was a slow morning person too. Even just changing took him way too long. But eventually he dragged himself out of the house, his backpack barely hanging on one of his shoulders as the pair walked to school together.

“Whatcha starin’ for?” He mumbles out, before yawning.

He didn’t have to get up this early before now. (y/n) really was dedicated to this mystery.

She’d been trying not to laugh as she looked at him. His hair disheveled, he’d probably haphazardly combed through it, the curls poking every which way. He’d hardly been able to put on sweats and a tee shirt, with a jacket loosely thrown over it to keep warm. It appeared he’d started to zip it up but gave up before he even reached halfway and left the house.

Even his glasses sat crooked on his face.

“You, you dork,” (y/n) laughs, and grabs his arm to stop him for a moment. “Do you look at yourself before you leave the house?” She asks as she zips his jacket up for him, and then adjusts his glasses to fit properly over his nose.

“Sorry we don’t all wake up hours early to pick out an outfit and do our makeup” He teases back, before playfully swatting her hands off him.

(y/n) rolls her eyes.

“I picked out my clothes the night before, dummy,” She tells him, matter of factly. “And I don’t wear makeup”

Richie’s brows furrow, and his nose scrunches up.

“Really?”

“Yes, really,” She laughs back at him. “Now wake up more! This morning is important”

“Right right, I’ll work on that”

But you see, Richie hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep in four days now. He’d be up all night thinking about (y/n), and then get up early to enact his plan of the day for her locker. He couldn't have gotten more than six hours the past few nights.

So by the time they got to the school, he was already done for the day, and it wasn’t even 6:30 in the morning yet.

He followed sluggishly next to (y/n), who had never been more wide awake and perky in her whole life. And once they reached the girl’s bathroom, he nearly collapsed onto the tiled floor.

It was a good thing that the entrance to the bathroom itself didn’t have doors- a choice made by the principal, who thought that it would help them detect if anyone were smoking in the stalls.

(The students had long ago figured out how to crack the windows so they could just smoke out of there, but in this case, (y/n) was glad that there was an opening to the hall to spy through)

The pair sat just inside of the bathroom, across from each other. (y/n) was leaning against the space next to the entrance, where she could easily peek her head around the corner and see her flower covered locker. Richie sat against the brick panel just across from her, which acted as a barrier to see the bathroom from the outside.

It was just then that (y/n) realized how ridiculous her school’s plan to combat underage smoking really was. Especially as Richie pulled out a cigarette and lit it right then.

“Richie!” She scolded in a hiss, but he shrugged innocently.

“There’s no one else here” Was his answer, and she didn’t argue it any further.

She didn’t care much, she was far too excited about the events this morning was going to unfold. Richie, however, slumped further against the wall, about to fall asleep with his cigarette still in his mouth.

“Oh, I brought snacks,” (y/n) told him, pulling her backpack around, and opening it up to dig for what she packed. “I knew you wouldn’t eat before we left. And in every cop movie, they eat during the stakeout”

He thinks that his heart might explode, because never before had he heard the simplest of things sound so cute.

As she pulls out two jumbo oatmeal cream pies, which are the perfect substitute for breakfast, his eyes catch a small plastic bag inside her backpack.

“You kept all those?” He asks, recognizing the flowers sealed inside.

“Oh, yeah,” (y/n) answers, adjusting the small bag so the flowers wouldn’t get crushed. “I thought they were pretty” She told him, before shrugging a shoulder.

Richie watches her while she’s focused on these flowers, these weeds that he’d gotten for her. There was a small smile on her face as she examined them, even though they were dying, and there was a pile of petals at the bottom of the bag. But still she’d kept them.

“What are you gonna do when you find him, anyway?” Richie asked, and right away she put the flowers away and zipped up her backpack.

“I guess get to know him,” She answers, but she sounds unsure.

They simultaneously open their plastic wrapped breakfast cakes.

“Go on dates, I have to give him a chance, don’t I?”

“You say that like you don’t want to” Richie chuckles, eating in between puffs of a cigarette.

“I do,” She tells him, but it’s faint. “I do, it’s just… I don’t know what to expect,”

Richie only hums, because he doesn’t know what to say to her. There’s nothing he could say, or so he thinks.

“Can I be honest?”

“I’m sittin’ here either way, toots” He teases back.

“A part of me doesn’t really want to know” She admits, and takes a rather large bite of her breakfast snack.

“What? Why?” Richie asks.

“Um, well,” She sighs through a mouthful of food. “I’m nervous”

You have no idea the amount of anxiety I’ve been through this week, Richie thinks, but he nods his head in understanding.

“You don’t think it’s gonna be who you want it to?” He asks, and she chuckles humorlessly.

“I know it’s not who I want it to be,” She says, which only confuses him more. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to give whoever it is a chance, it’s only fair, he’s done nothing but- but shower me in all these flowers and this declaration of love, you know?”

Richie nods, but it’s a very small movement.

He’s forgotten both his breakfast and his smoke in his hands as he stares at her, hanging onto every word she spoke.

“Yeah, I know” He agrees quietly.

(y/n’s) quiet as she continues to eat, the gears in her head turning almost as fast as her heart is beating. Richie can almost see her processing through every boy in school, and wondering if any of them could be the one.

He wondered if he crossed her mind when she went through this mental list.

“Hey,” Richie whispered, and kicked at her foot. “Someone’s coming down the hall”

Her expression changed in a split second, and she wiggled with excitement, before peeking out the doorway to see who was coming.

Richie felt his gut churning, he thought it might just be mush by the time this was over.

Her anticipation grew and grew as the footsteps got closer, and just when the person rounded the corner, all that came to mind was oh?

Bill Denbrough walked right up to her locker, slipped a piece of paper in the vents, did a scan to make sure no one was around, and then walked away.

And that was it.

She physically deflated in front of him, and he could see the disappointment coming off her in waves.

There was a furrow in her brows, and her grin fell to a slight frown. Even her eyes had a sadness and a confusion to them that Richie’s never seen before.

“Bill?” She mumbled, mostly to herself. “Bill Denbrough?”

Richie didn’t say anything, the guilt he was feeling eating at him from the inside.

(y/n’s) eyes meet his, but still, he’s silent. She takes his contorted expression as confusion and she shakes her head a bit.

“I don’t- I don’t understand,” She continues to mumbles, slowly taking bites out of her oatmeal cream pie. “Bill? Bill’s my friend”

“Well- do you- do you want to go talk to him?” Richie asks, but it does nothing to ease her perplexed state.

“Um…”

It’s all she says.

She peeks around the doorway again, watching Bill as he walks down the hall, probably towards his first class. The buses would arrive in a few minutes, and classes would start not too long after.

“(y/n)?” Richie asks, starting to feel even worse. “Are you alright?”

“I- yeah” She stammers back, which proves she’s lying through her teeth.

“Are you sure?” Richie asks, and the look she gives him pretty much assures him that he’s going straight to hell when he dies.

She just looks so disappointed, lost and confused, and Richie didn’t think that unless Bowers himself had been at her locker, then she wouldn’t have been let down.

Clearly, this was worse.

All she does is nod her head, and toss the rest of her treat in the trash.

“(y/n)-”

“I’m gonna go to class,” She tells him, quiet, and shaky. “I- I’ll see you after school?”

She glances at him as she grabs her bag and waits at the doorway, and Richie nods his head back at her.

And then she takes off.

Richie wished that some greater force would just kill him now. ___

“I’ve got a question for you, Big Bill,”

Beverly sits down at the lunch table, and just from the look on her face, the boys are already nervous about how this conversation is going to end.

The redhead crosses her legs before leaning over the lunch table, staring at Bill almost threateningly.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Wh-what?” The boy stuttered back helplessly.

“(y/n) told me today that her little secret admirer… was you,” She said, eyes narrowing. “But… that doesn’t make any sense”

Bill cast a quick glance to Richie, but he kept his eyes trained on his food, which he was only poking at.

“W-well, I-”

“Because,” Beverly continued to explain herself, “I know that you don’t like her, not like that, not in the way her little note says”

“B-Bev I-”

“So,” The redhead cuts him off again, “Either you thought this was a funny joke, and I’ll kick your ass. Or, someone put you up to it”

The others at the table are on the edge of their seats, eager to see what happens next.

Besides Richie, who is still moping.

Ben, however, was probably the most excited one to see where this went. Seeing as he knew that Richie was the true writer of the notes, and he’d been the one to pick the flowers. And he realized that Richie must have asked Bill to do his dirty work, to throw off (y/n). But Richie could not have anticipated this chain reaction.

(y/n) herself didn't even come to the cafeteria for lunch today. She’d made plans with a teacher for an extra credit assignment just to get out of seeing Bill. She’d told Bev about this morning, and then went on to try and find a way out of every class she had with Bill. Not because she was upset with him- she could never, Bill was one of her best friends- but because she didn’t want to make it more awkward than it already was.

“I- I wasn’t tr-trying to hurt h-her,” Bill said. “I w-was just-”

“Then who is it?” Beverly asked. “Someone must have told you to do it, who?”

Richie hated that she was too smart for her own good.

“I- I can’t t-tell you,” Bill huffed. “I-I p-promised”

“Uh-huh, look, (y/n’s) my best friend, and you’re gonna have to tell me, so spit it out”

“I p-promised”

“I don’t give a shit, just spill-”

“It was me”

It only took three words for the attention of the whole table to focus on Richie. And usually when he opened his mouth, the others had a knack for completely shutting him out.

If he thought Beverly was upset before, oh boy, this was an unfiltered rage she’d just tapped into.

“What?” Her voice was low, and pissed.

“Yeah” RIchie shrugged.

“You did what?” Stan shrieked, but Richie ignored him, still staring straight at Beverly.

“Where the hell do you get off? Do you think this shit’s funny-?”

“It wasn’t a joke,” Richie said, calmly, and the red in Bev’s cheeks started to fade out. “It was real, I wrote that note for real, and I wanted to give her all the flowers and stuff”

Beverly blinked, completely baffled.

“You did what?” Stan repeated.

Richie just shrugged his shoulders, and went back to eating his lunch.

“You- but you-” Beverly shook her head, completely thrown off. “You?” Was her final question, and it wasn’t much, but it was all that she could articulate.

“Yeah. Me,” Richie responded. “You gonna go tell her now?”

Beverly shook her head, surprising him.

“Really?” He asked. “Two minutes ago you were gonna kill Bill-”

“You have to be the one to do it,” Bev told him.

Richie snorted.

“Right” He said sarcastically.

“No way” Stan interjected, but he was still being ignored.

“No, really,” Bev continued. “Right now she thinks that her friend is into her-”

“I’m her friend too” Richie said with furrowed brows.

Beverly nodded her head from side to side.

“Eh, yeah, but…” She trailed off, because she couldn’t tell Richie that she knew (y/n) liked him. “I feel like her knowing the truth is more important right now”

“Yeah, because I want to ruin the barely-friendship we have now” Richie rolls his eyes.

“Come on-”

“I’m not telling her” He deadpanned, before Beverly could try to convince him.

“Yeah, he’s not telling her” Stan chimed in, mouth full of pot pie.

“Not because of you, dingbat,” He muttered with a dirty look towards his friend. “Because I like her, and I’d like to be friends with her”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Beverly said, finally opening up her lunch bag. “I guarantee it’d be worth it if you just gave in”

Richie shook his head, and didn’t bother to argue with her anymore. He doesn’t want to have to argue something so stupid, especially when this was something unchangeable.

He was in love with a girl he knew he didn’t deserve to have, and so he’d just have to live with it. ___

As he was waiting by her locker at the end of the day, Richie wondered if he’d be able to live with this, knowing that he’s maybe ruined her whole world- or at least just her friendship with Bill.

When she finally makes her way to her locker, she seems better than this morning, and offers him a kind smile as she reaches him.

Richie grins back at her, completely out of relief.

And then he hugs her. She’s about to turn to put in her combination, and the action takes her by surprise, but she pats his back sweetly before he lets go.

“I’m really sorry about this morning,” He told her, and she tilts her head to the side a bit. “I wasn’t- I was just tired and didn’t know how to act, I’m so sorr-”

“Richie, don’t be sorry,” (y/n) cuts off his babbling. “It’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong”

She gives him a genuine look, a kind look, convincing him that there was no need for his guilt, and still, he felt like a piece of shit.

“Well, Bill, I mean, you guys are friends, and-”

“It’s no big deal Richie, I overreacted,” (y/n) shook her head, before putting in her combination to collect her things. “I just wasn’t expecting him is all”

“Wh-who were you expecting?” Richie stammered out, and then cringed.

“I don’t know,” (y/n) hummed. “Just… not him”

She puts her books away, and gathers what she’d need to do her homework tonight, before shutting her locker and looking up at him readily.

She notices the crease between his brows, and he seems very zoned out, because he’s just standing there, instead of heading out.

“Rich?” She asks, holding onto the straps of her backpack. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, sorry, yeah” He nodded, and moved out of his stiff position to walk by her side down the hall.

She kicks his foot gently, not to trip him, just to tease.

“Stop with the apologizing,” She says with a small giggle. “Hey, do you want to get slushies again?”

He looks down at her, but doesn’t really answer, just stares at her.

Her hair is in a messy bun resting at the back of her head, and more strands have fallen out than are still being held in the hair tie, but somehow it’s still perfect. It’s a very (y/n) look.

She kicks at his foot again.

“Yeah, sure, sounds good” He finally snaps himself out of his daze.

“You okay upstairs?” She asks him playfully.

“Are you asking me if I’m crazy?” Richie asks, just as they make their way out of the school, and down the front steps.

“No, never,” (y/n) laughs again. “You just seem out of it..?” She speaks like it’s a suggestion, as though she’s asking him.

“You’re right, and I completely blame you for waking me up so early”

“Blame me?” (y/n) repeats.

“Yes! You were the one that made me wake up at the crack-of-fucking-dawn!” Richie retorts, whilst giggling because he can’t help it when he’s joking with her.

Somehow when he’s cracking jokes with the others, he always laughs loudly, his friends find it annoying. But with (y/n), his boisterous laughs faded into childlike giggles.

“Well excuse me for being a romantic,” She said, playfully narrowing her eyes at him. “I thought you would understand”

Richie’s brows crinkle, and he looks down at her with an amused smile.

“Me? You thought I’d understand?”

“Yes!” She answered enthusiastically.

“And what in the fuck makes you think I’m a romantic?” Richie asked with a snort, but he was starting to blush.

“Obviously because you bothered to come with me this morning,” (y/n) answered, a bright smile on her face. “If you weren’t a romantic, then you wouldn’t have come”

“That doesn’t-”

“Awe Richie, you can admit it,”

He thinks his heart stopped in his chest, and he’s about to die.

“You wanted me to find loooove” She sing-songs the word, and it made him roll his eyes.

“Oh toots, you think far too highly of me” He tells her in his poor british accent.

“No, I don’t think so,” (y/n) shakes her head. “I just think you don’t want to admit it. You just wanna be the cool guy”

“So you think I’m romantic and cool?” He asks, and now she’s the one to roll her eyes, but it’s an affectionate action, and accompanied by a bright smile.

“Don’t be so full of yourself” She says, before sticking her tongue out at him.

“I’m just repeating your words toots,” He responds. “You flatter me”

She laughs, despite herself, and he beams back at her.

“Yeah, well, you’re also a dummy” She murmurs, but it doesn’t hinder Richie’s good mood.

He already knew that. He just sure loved hearing those other things from her.

Once at the 7-Eleven, (y/n) made her same cherry and blueberry slushie, and then raced to the counter to pay for both of their drinks while Richie was too busy with making his terrible drink.

Just as he turned to head up to the register, he found her standing there, a smirk on her face while she sipped on her drink.

“You didn’t” He groaned, but she lifted a shoulder and gave him a knowing look.

“I did” She replied with a grin, and nodded her head for him to follow her outside.

“You’re the worst” He mutters as he sits next to her.

She hums, holding her slushie between her hands and giving him a shit eating grin.

“That’s fair,” She responds, poking his arm teasingly. “And you should know that you’re also the worst”

“That’s fair,” He mimics, and taps his cup against hers.

They drink in silence for a bit, besides a few jokes from Richie here and there that he can’t help. But eventually she just has to get it off her chest.

“So, did you know?” She asks him, nervously looking over to him. “About Bill? Did he ever… say anything?”

Richie knows then that the mistake he’s made is catastrophic.

“Um, no, he didn’t” He said, which isn’t technically a lie.

But then again, if you have to argue that it’s not a lie… it definitely isn’t the right thing to say.

“Oh” She mumbles, and moves her straw around in her cup, mixing the red and blue flavors.

“He’s probably just shy,” Richie blurts out. “You know, otherwise he would’ve just handed you all that stuff”

“I suppose,” She agrees in a mumble. “It’s just odd, you know, since you’re his best friend”

“I mean, best friends don’t always share everything”

“That’s not true, there’s nothing I wouldn’t tell Bev,” (y/n) tells him sincerely. “And even when I have hid things, she’s always figured it out anyways. She’s always had a way of reading me,” She giggles softly as she reminisces on how good of a friend she has. “Don’t you tell him everything?”

“Well- kind of,” Richie’s still stammering, as a result of him bending over backwards to keep his secret. “I know that, um, well he’d do anything for me,” He says. “And I’d do the same for him too”

“That’s what best friends are, aren’t they?” (y/n) asks, looking back at him again. “Someone you can trust and put before anyone else in the world? Someone worth fighting for?”

“You’re cheesy,” Richie says with a nervous laugh.

He has to stop himself from tugging at his collar, because fuck, he felt like he might just overheat.

“But that’s a good thing!” He adds impulsively.

(y/n) smiles.

“Mostly I think they’re secret keepers” She hums.

“I can’t imagine you have that many secrets” Richie replies, and again, she smiles at him.

“You’d be surprised,” She says, so softly he thinks she’s trying to tell him one, but he doesn’t understand it. “But no, there’s not many”

“Tell me one” He says before he could think of something more suave.

She glances over at him,and one of her eyebrows quirks up in surprise.

“And what makes you think you’re so deserving of one of my secrets?”

“I just dare you to” Richie says, and a smirk tugs on his lips because he’s a piece of shit like that, but it makes (y/n) laugh.

“Well, if you dare me to, I suppose I’m obligated then, hm?”

“You absolutely are toots,” He says. “So, are you a man or mouse?”

“I’m but a humble girl,” She says in her best horrible british accent, leaning over to him dramatically.

She can’t contain her laughter, which makes it all the more adorable to him, and he gazes at her fondly while her hands pat against his arm softly.

“But if my deepest darkest secrets are the entertainment you seek, then that is the entertainment you shall receive” She continues in her accent.

Richie rubs his hands together in a maniacal fashion, and he scoots closer to her with anticipation.

A part of her is screaming to tell him how she feels, that’s probably her greatest secret after all. But she looks at him and reminds herself just why she can’t.

It was too hard just to become friends, to get past the barrier that had been (and still is) Eddie and Stan’s disapproval, so a friendship is just what she’d have to accept right now.

“Well, this isn’t exactly a secret,” She sighs, “But I guess you don’t know, it’s kind of a secret from you”

Richie’s brows furrow, but his lips turn into a smile as her hands wring together nervously.

“And what could you possibly have to hide from me, toots?” He asks, his smile still stuck on his face.

Her fingers are still fiddling as she meets his eyes, and she licks her lips before taking in a deep breath.

“Well, so, um, so you know how Stan and Eddie are always being… well, I think they’re overprotective for some odd reason, but they used to always drag me away? Whenever I was around you?”

“Yeah?” Richie asked, wondering where the hell she could be going with this.

“Yeah, well…”

“Well what?” Richie asked, dying to know. “You realized they had good reasons?”

“What? No!” (y/n) swatted at his arm. “Of course not, just the opposite, actually”

“The opposite?”

“Yes…” She responded in a huff. “They told me that they weren’t going to invite you to movie night one time, and I… maybe… yelled a little,”

Richie smirked, enjoying the image in his head of (y/n) chewing out Stan and Eddie.

“And… well, I told them that I wanted to be friends with you whether or not they were happy about it. And maybe they still like to cover my ears whenever you talk, and they still talk shit, but I- I don’t care,”

She realizes she’s rambling, and her hands are moving around rapidly in front of her, and suddenly she pauses to collect herself, before looking at him.

“Anyways, that’s why I asked you to walk me home from school” She finishes softly.

“Wait,” Richie shakes his head, and his brows furrow. “I thought you said that Bowers started following you?”

(y/n) gives him a sheepish smile, before shaking her head.

“Nope,” Her voice was barely a mumble. “I tricked you into being friends with me”

Richie let out a scoff, before his lips pulled into a wide grin, and he nudged his shoulder down against hers.

“You sly little devil,” He teased, and he couldn’t miss the blush spreading over her cheeks. “You deceived me?”

“Yep,” She shrugged. “That’s how desperate I was” She adds with a shy laugh.

His heart is soaring, and for a minute, he forgot about the mess he’d gotten himself into.

“Well you must have been lonely seeing as you were looking for my friendship” He teased, but she shook her head at him.

“Don’t talk like that, you’re one of my closest friends, I love hanging out with you,”

Oh fuck, this girl will be the death of me.

“I don’t regret any of it, not at all” She adds sweetly.

And goddamnit, the look on her face is so sincere, so kind, and if he weren’t such a fool, he probably would have kissed her right then and there.

“You are a romantic,” He tells her instead, and her small smile widens.

Richie reaches his hand out, offering to take her empty cup to throw away. She thanks him as she hands it to him, and watches him as he gets up and tosses it in the bin at the front doors.

When he comes back to her, he extends his hand again, but this time his silent offer is to help her stand. She takes it, without hesitation, and he pulls her to her feet.

“Ready to go?” He asks, letting go of her hand after lingering for just one extra second.

(y/n) nods, adjusting her backpack as she walks with him in the direction of home. She doesn’t ask him to walk her home, and he doesn’t offer, but they both know he is, because he always does.

They talk more, about anything they can think of, really. School, their friends, random rumors going around that can’t be true but sure are fascinating to talk about. They cover anything and everything- except for Bill, except for the notes and the flowers, and for the ten minutes it takes to get (y/n) home, Richie lives in a world where it doesn’t even exist.

It’s not until they reach her doorstep that he remembers. Not by choice- but he can’t help but be reminded of it every time her eyes meet his.

“As always Tozier,” (y/n) sighs, her hands latching onto his wrists as she smiles up at him, “Thank you for walking me home”

He smiles back at her, but it isn’t his typical shit eating grin. It’s small and soft, it’s loving.

“Every time, toots” He tells her sweetly.

There’s a small laugh that comes out of her in a breath, and she squeezes his wrists gently before letting go.

“See you tomorrow Rich” She says, and turns to her door.

He starts to go, but the further he gets the more of a weight he feels on his shoulders, to the point that he knows if he doesn’t turn around, he might collapse on her driveway.

So he does just that, he spins around, and walks back up to her.

“Wait, (y/n/n)?”

“Yeah?” She asks, blinking at him, waiting patiently for him to continue, which for some reason it’s taking him a moment to speak again.

“Do you want to walk to school together in the morning?”

Her head tilts just barely to the side at his odd and sudden request, but a smile blossoms on her lips, and she nods her head.

“Sure” She agrees delightedly.

“Okay,” He nods back at her, and some of his guilt washes away. “I’ll pick you up this time”

“Okay,” She repeats. “I’ll be waiting”

Again, he’s nodding, but it’s rapid and nervous and he can almost hear his own heart beating inside of his head.

“Okay, bye” He says, stepping back to leave this time.

But goddamn it he can’t do it, he can’t move, not a single muscle, he’s frozen there in front of her doorstep, nearly a statue, struck by anxiety and guilt and worst of all, love.

He can’t stop himself, the words tumble out before he even thinks about their consequences.

But this is what happens when it comes to (y/n), he can’t control his actions whatsoever. His heart takes the wheel and does whatever the fuck it wants, and it wants (y/n) more than anything in the whole fucking world.

(Richie agrees with this, but he thinks maybe if his heart could dial it back a little, then he wouldn’t be so scared all the time, like he is right now)

“It was me” His heart speaks for him, without warning, without a plan. It just wants to speak the words into existence.

Not just to his friends at the lunch table, that wasn’t enough. It needed (y/n’s) own ears to hear. Richie wanted (y/n) to hear.

“What?” She asks, turning around to face him.

Her question is genuine, she doesn’t understand what he’s referring to, but something about the look on his face, the one of sheer guilt from the short confession, tugged at her deep down. And deep down, she knew exactly what he was telling her.

She could translate what he truly meant just from the way his eyebrows creased, and how he was chewing at the inside of his cheek, and grinding his teeth.

“All of it, everything, it was all me” He went on.

“Richie, what do you…?” She starts to question him, but as she stares back at him, her words fail her, and she can only let out a soft breath.

“I just- I wanted you to know the truth, and I didn’t want to fuck up your friendship with Bill, I’m sorry for that”

“He… he wasn’t…?”

Still, she’s slowly going mute, as she drops her bag to the ground, and rummages through it for the most recent gift, the note that she’d seen Bill put into her locker.

“But I… but we… I saw…”

She knows she sounds idiotic, and she wished she’d been able to properly collect her thoughts and ask him complete questions, but she’s just so shocked.

She had been so certain that it couldn’t have been Richie.

Her hands are trembling as she opens the folded note, eyes scanning it swiftly.

“What’s it say?” Richie asks, and her eyes flicker up to his, before going back to the paper in her hands.

“It-” She starts, but her throat swells up and she chokes for a second. “It says- um,”

Her brows are furrowing, eyes trained on the few words scrawled across the whole sheet of paper. The writing is haphazard, but still, whoever had written it had done so perfectly, as it fit right in the center of the page. The longer she studied it, the more she realized it just had to have been Richie.

“It says I’m- I’m so-”

“I’m so fucking in love with you,”

Richie speaks up, and she looks up from the page, staring at him with her brows knit together, and her lips parted in shock. She’s taking in short little breaths, trying to calm her eager heart.

“That I don’t know what to do with myself” He finished, and promptly kicked his shoe against the ground.

She’s still staring at him, waiting for more of an explanation, or waiting for him to tell her he was kidding and then run off down the street.

It couldn’t have been more clear to her that he was being absolutely sincere.

“Yeah,” Richie huffs. “Um, it really was all me”

(y/n) blinks at him, before folding up the note again, and sliding it carefully back into her bag.

“Then what about this morning?” She whispered meekly. “And you looked at them all- talked about it with me like- like-”

“I didn’t want you to know,” Richie shrugged, and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “That was… it was the point of it being anonymous”

“Richie…” (y/n) starts, and he braces himself, staring down at the ground, silently praying it would swallow him whole right now. “I… I really thought it wasn’t you”

His head shoots up, because that’s not what he expected.

“What?”

“I- yeah- that first, um, note, I kinda thought that maybe you’d… you know, written it,” She says softly. Her hands start to wring together again. “But from the way you’d reacted to it I just thought there was no way and… it sucked”

He shakes his head in disbelief, and the action makes her crack a smile, because he looks so confused and it’s so cute and utterly Richie.

“You- you wanted it to be me?” He asks, brows deeply furrowed as he stares at her skeptically, unsurely.

She bites down on her smile as she nods her head in confirmation.

“Yeah. Yeah of course I wanted it to be you,” She whispers. “I just really didn’t think it could have been, especially when you went on that stake out and the flowers-”

“(y/n),” He cuts her off, stepping forward until there’s the smallest amount of space between them, and she has to tilt her head back to keep their eye contact. “I have to know, do you have feelings for me too?”

His glasses are sliding down his nose as he stares down at her, the look in his eyes intense as they flicker in between hers, searching for any sign at all. He needed to know if this was the single greatest mistake of his life, and he’d live the rest of his days a lonely fool-

“Richie,” She murmurs back, a slight shake in her head as her own eyes wander the features of his face, mapping out every freckle, every dip, every crease. She’s consumed by her own love for him and he didn’t even know it yet.

She doesn’t finish her thought, because she can’t help but lean in and capture his lips. It’s a tentative kiss, because it’s new and she’s never kissed someone that she’s liked this much before.

Her hands were slow as they lifted from her sides, and pressing lightly against his shoulders.

When she pulled away, it took a second for her to process what just happened. Meanwhile Richie was staring at her intensely, trying to get a read on her.

She’s starting to smile, and finally her eyes flutter open.

And all at once, he doesn’t feel like this is such a catastrophic mistake.

His fingers reach up and brush against her jaw tenderly. Her eyes are half lidded, and trained on his lips.

“Sorry,” She mumbles. “I just wanted to-”

“I get it” Richie shakes his head, cutting her off.

His hands slid up her jaw before cupping around her cheeks, and then slammed his lips down against hers. She didn’t even have time to take in a breath before their lips connected, and she stumbled back at first but when she threw her arms around his neck she caught her balance and kissed him back passionately.

She’d never felt such a clarity though, and she thought she was going to float right off the ground.

It was like she’d been waiting for this one amazing kiss for a long time now, and it was everything she’d hoped for and more.

Richie’s fingers slid into her hair, cradling the back of her head and pulling her impossibly closer to him, as close as he could get her without picking her up and clutching her body against his.

He was dying to do that though.

“I can’t believe it,” (y/n) mumbled in between kisses. “I love you too,” She added, her lips moving against his before attaching again, kissing him just a bit harder. “And I-”

“You do?” Richie pulled away, and his hands dropped back to cradle her face sweetly.

She beams at him, before nodding her head in a choppy fashion.

“Yeah,” She mumbled, smoothing her hands over his shoulders, before gliding down his arms. “I do”

His grin matches her own, and it's hard to bite it back so that he can kiss her again. ___

It was two weeks later when (y/n) found herself placing flowers in Richie’s curls while he was passed out.

The Loser’s Club had gone to the quarry, planning to spend the whole Saturday there. And it was the first group thing that Richie and (y/n) were officially a couple at, but they also hadn’t all hung out properly in about a month, so it was a big deal.

Mike, Stan, and Bev brought all the food and snacks they could find that would keep in coolers.

Eddie and Bill brought drinks, sodas, waters, Eddie provided juice boxes that everyone made fun of but still drank anyways.

Ben brought a bunch of blankets for everyone to sprawl out on.

That left Richie and (y/n) in charge of the alcohol for the night, which pretty much meant Richie stealing as much as he could while (y/n) kept a lookout. They had a system of bringing a bag full of empty bottles into a store, and sneaking liquor into the bathroom to transfer it into the bottles.

It was a skill they perfected on their first try. Maybe it wasn’t moral, or legal, but they were seventeen, and stealing from their parents just wouldn’t get them enough alcohol for all eight of them.

They’d spent the whole day doing whatever they wanted. Which was mostly swimming and drinking at the same time, despite Stan letting everyone know he would not help them if they drowned. But now that the sun was starting to set and everyone was dwindling down, their party turned more into a calm night.

Maybe too calm, because Richie had passed out on one of the blankets.

But he had drunk quite a lot quite fast, spent twenty minutes picking every single flower and weed-that-looked-like-a-flower in the area, proclaimed them to be beautiful but never as beautiful as his girlfriend, and then pretty much dropped dead.

(y/n) was currently using the plants he’d picked now to lay them in his hair while he slept. She laid on her stomach by his side, admiring how pretty he was as she did so.

“Are you making me a flower crown?”

Her eyes flickered down to his, not having expected him to say anything.

“I thought you were asleep?” She hummed.

“I was, but then the strangest thing happened,” Richie said, squinting up at her. “I felt this- this presence, like an angelic, godly presence. And next thing I know, there you are”

“Shut up,” (y/n) giggled, poking his cheek before rifling through her pile of flowers again. “You’re such a nerd”

“I thought you liked that” He teased.

“Of course I do,” She murmured back. “I just also think you should be reminded”

It was quiet for a moment while she focused on threading the stem of a dandelion perfectly through one of his curls. After she’d made it as structurally sound as she could, she grinned, and gave him her attention again.

“And it’s not a flower crown,” She told him as she rolled onto her back, staying right next to him. “But there are, like, a shit ton of flowers in your hair. I had to do something with all the ones you picked for me”

He could hear Stan and Eddie making fun of him, while they sat not too far away taking turns drinking juice boxes and taking shots. But it didn’t matter. They would always tease him and (y/n), it was normal, and he came to terms with that the very day that (y/n) told him she loved him too, and they started going out.

It simply didn’t matter anymore. Nothing they could say could matter.

“You want a juice box?” (y/n) asked, poking his cheek again because he had clearly zoned out. “You drank a lot and then kinda just took a nap, you need something else in your system”

He smiles at her and nods.

“Sure” He answers, and starts to get up but (y/n) gently pushes him back down.

“Don’t move, you’ll mess up your flowers” She tells him, and then gets up to get them juice boxes.

Richie’s pretty certain he’s died and somehow was lucky enough to go to heaven. He didn’t know how he pulled it off, but that made more sense than his reality.

I’m (y/n’s) boyfriend, he thinks, and then he repeats it to himself again and again.

She collapsed next to him again not a minute later, before handing him one of the juice boxes.

“Eddie’s kinda hoarding them,” She mutters, settling her head against his upper arm, which he wrapped around her to pull her closer. “But he also accidentally got drunk, again, so I just took them when he wasn’t looking”

Richie chuckles, sipping away on the cheap drink, still lost in his own hazy thoughts.

(y/n) looks up at him, noticing his quiet state, and sets her box down.

“What’re you thinkin’ about?” She asked softly, gazing into his eyes lovingly.

“Take a wild fuckin’ guess sweetheart,” Richie chuckled, and (y/n) rolled her eyes affectionately. “I know, I’m a nerd”

She nods her head, and once again, pokes his cheek. But her fingertip glides over his cheekbone and then along his jaw, tracing over his skin delicately.

“Yeah, but I love you for it”

His lips turn up into a cheesy grin, and he gives her a quick kiss that makes her cheeks flush pink.

He’s had two (amazing) weeks of watching her blush like that every time he kisses her, and it’s his new favorite thing.

“Richie,” She hums. “I’m so fucking in love with you that I don’t know what to do with myself-”

“Ha ha,” Richie can’t help but roll his eyes while (y/n) giggles, thinking she’s so funny for repeating his own words back to him. “You’re gonna do that all the time now aren’t you?”

“Oh yeah,” She nods her head seriously. “All the time. Probably every day, hell, I’ll start calling you before I go to bed to remind you”

He finishes his juice box so that he can wrap both arms around her.

“I’d be okay with that”

“Good” She mumbles back happily.

“But you know that makes you a nerd too” He tells her.

She tilts her head back to look at him, before kissing him fully, her lips lingering against his for a second after she pulls away.

“That must be why we’re so perfect together” She says with a cheeky smile.

“Yeah yeah, you cheeseball,” Richie teases, and tugs her against him.

They lay and enjoy each other’s company, and the atmosphere of their friends.

Ben’s telling Beverly about how he helped Richie write his first note, and Mike and Bill are drunk wrestling horribly in the grass. It’s an odd mix of things to listen to while one is trying to enjoy the sunset with their significant other, but something about it still felt right.

Richie breaks the silence just as (y/n) is considering napping with him.

“You’re right”

___

taglist: @lemonypink @darling-egg @fiantomartell

a/n: this was um really fun to write even tho it took me a month lmao

#richie tozier #richie tozier x reader #richie tozier scenario #richie tozier imagine #richie tozier fanfiction #finn wolfhard #finn wolfhard x reader

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snickiebear · 3 years

Note

yo nadia <3333 i'm bored in my online classes and u reblogged the questions thingy at the right time lmao, so get ready: 1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 17, 23, 24, 28, 30!!!, 34, 38, 39, 40 (the intimacy of being understood) (imma stop here lol) (also i'm sorry u're not feeling well, ily and hope u'll feel better soon!! <33333)

ELE ILY. (and thank you, i’m stayin home today cause,,, yeah. i appreciate you sm.) you’re the literal best, i adore you.

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

The first fanfiction i read was for The Lunar Chronicles when I was like 11?? and it was 100% on accident and it scarred me because it was a hardcore porn one with a period kink and i was like WHAT IS THIS??? OH MY GOD???? LMAOOOOO i didn’t pick it back up until i was 13-14 and really got into the Fairy Tail fandom. I still reread my favorites on ff.net cause i love them.

As for writing, I wrote a horrible, terrible x-men fanfiction when I was twelve. (my friend still brings it up and REFUSES to delete it so it still gets comments and views, that shit HAUNTS ME ELE.) then tried again for Fairy Tail, posted like two chapters before taking it down cause i wasn’t really feeling it. And then I posted The Intimacy Of Being Understood and here we are.

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

OMGG okok

@murd3rm1ttens ‘s The Problem How Time Works IF YOU HAVENT READ THIS YOU GUYS NEED TO HOP ON IT ASAP. MITTEN’S WRITING SO SO SO SO GOOD. SAKURA AND INO ARE TOTAL BADASSES. KAKASHI IS A SIMPPPP. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD.

@mouseymightymarvellous ‘s We Were Screaming In Color (Only A Possibility) yes, yes I KNOW. i always point into mousey’s direction but i WILL always advocate that everyone reads her fics, they’re literally so beautiful???? i just happen to be rereading WWSIN rn

@safelycapricious ‘s Shaking Up And Breaking Down series. I found this like?? idfk but i’ve been raving about it ever since. ALSO CHECK OUT THEIR FICS IN GENERAL.

fuck i have more than three but also check out @ambivalens999 ‘s Masks

i do wanna make a fic rec thing where i just rav about my favs,,, might do that later or sum

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

Omniscient third person. I don’t like it. Like I can understand that it can be a little hard to stay in one person’s perspective but, in my opinion, if you can, it shows how disciplined you are as a writer. Plus, i just get so confused when I go from A’s thoughts to suddenly what B is thinking about A.

When writers use ‘ ‘ instead of “ “. When writers put thoughts in ‘ ‘ instead of just italicizing them. It’s small things but like they just bother me sO MUCH. most of the time i can ignore it and try to enjoy but other times i just dip.

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

@espoir-et-reves !!!!! THEIR SHISAKU FICS ARE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD. And they have a warring states one going on THAT I AM SO OBSESSED WITH.

@writer168 idk if they’re really “underrated” but THEY HAVE SUCH GREAT FICS ON AO3. Like theres an AU with sakura, kiba, and shino that i reread constantly because it just. is. so. fucking. GOOD. and they posted a new one that i’m YELLING about.

@eggtoasties okay they only have 2 in the naruto fandom (one shisaku which is still ongoing) BUT THEIR WRITING STYLE IS SO NICE?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I still go back and reread their shikasaku one cause UGH i can’t get enough. I love it.

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Fandoms: Naruto, Soul Eater, The Old Guard, ATLA

Parings: KakaSaku/ShikaSaku/ShiSaku/MultiSaku, SoMa, Joe X Nicky, Zukka

Character: SAKURA. I will read anything with Sakura as the main character and her being a fuckin badass or becoming a badass. I love her.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

aha.. haha.. well. I check my email like three times an hour. its the first thing i check in the mornings too. I’m literally a whore for praise and literally eat up feedback like its going out of style. I also reread a lot of my stuff because i make so many mistakes and spelling errors, or the spacing is weird oR SOMETHING. plus, literally any and all comments make my day, i go back and reread them cause they just make me feel so tingly and warm like “wow. this person enjoyed the fic/my writing enough to tell me. thats HUGE!”

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

Angry, feral, bloodied, morally gray women. They aren’t bad guys, they’re probably the good guy, but that doesn’t mean they cant be fucking raging at the world with raw knuckles and blood on their teeth. I just love an angry woman who struggles with her emotions and just has so much inner conflict but that doesn’t take away from her character or badassery, it adds to it.

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

The fake dating or miscommunication troupe. LIKE GUYS JUST TALK. AND TELL EACH OTHER OMFG. the entire like obliviousness of “nah they dont like me” while the They holds their hand and kisses their cheek. MOFO WHAT. it makes me so impatient and like mad HAAHHAHA. its probably because i’m a pretty confrontational person so seeing stuff like that just “cmon bro, USE YO HEAD.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

I have yet to receive a negative comment! Which i was really surprised about tbh. As for deadlines or pressure to update, i just kind of do whatever. I do set goals, but i set them flexible enough that hey, if i can’t do it, that’s okay.

I have a lot of mini goals, like “i want to write this chapter and get it done this week” and then the large goal is “FINISH BY END OF MAY” so i have time.

Actually, now that I think on it, the entire pressure to update thing is probably why i’m waiting until I have all of OL&W written to post it weekly,, cause well. I wouldn’t wanna leave you guys waiting as I tried to write and work out the next chapters and stuff, you know?

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

AAAAAA YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE AHAHAHAH

Have you seen the way the dead dance, World Breaker? They roar, half mad and starving. Do you not wish, do you not hope to see them twist and bend and dance to your will?

Shikamaru snarls, looking behind his shoulders to where his Shadows lay. “Patience.” He spits. “Is of the essence, Things of Ancient. Know your place as the dark you are.”

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

None of my experiences match up to anything I write tbh,,, probably the only thing that is me in my writing is maybe the emotional turmoil? I’m pretty emotionally and mentally mature because from a pretty young age i started forming my own opinions, started looking into the world around us and being like “dude what the fuck this is not what disney advertised”. Then i started talking (read: arguing and debating) with my dad about a lot of it. So, like emotions are kind of hard for me. Like i’m pretty good at controlling them or understanding them, but still. idk its hard to explain ig.

Like the weight of stress, the anger, the sadness. It’s kind of therapeutic to write. Cause i don’t know how to put those feelings to verbal words so writing them really helps.

As for my readers’ image? Probably like some kind of hunched over figure typing away in the dark with a maniacal grin on their face. I honestly don’t know AHHAHAHA but it is fun to think about. I think they’d see me as someone with potential but a lot of room to grow and someone who is imperfect but in a charming way LMAOOOO

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

I’m gonna be real honest. Its probably like a 2. I’m a bit of a control freak so I almost always go in chronological order, my writing is pretty linear. Unless, i get bored and jump to one of my fav parts. It's pretty much i sit down, i open the doc, read over my notes and just start writing.

It’s a little boring to explain AHAHAHA but once i get into the groove of things its really fucking great, I can like feel myself in the world, I can feel what i want the characters to, i love it. I catch myself mouthing the words as i type too, which i find hilarious.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I rather like how raw my writing is sometimes. Which might sound really vain, but i do like the way i word things or describe things. I love juxtaposition and repetition, or making a good ole circle back to some minute detail that wouldn’t stand out until i repeat it at the end and you’re like “omg” AHAHAHAHA.

Like those little poetic snippets or certain wording i just sit back and go “damn thats kinda good nadia! go you!’ HAHAHA

40. How did you come up with the idea for The Intimacy Of Being Understood?

AAAAA this fic is like my first child, my pride and joy LMAO

so the idea initially came when i was reading some fic, idk if it was even naruto, but i was like “i don't like this, but i do like the rain symbolism.” And I knew i wanted to write something kind of slow paced, something a little sad and angsty, but would show KakaSaku slowly but surely falling in love.

Idk if you’ve noticed but a lot of my fics, the pairings don’t change each other dramatically. They accept each other as they are and then they grow with together. Like that acceptance is something i just love writing, its so subtle, it isn’t something you declare. Its simply “I am going to love you. I am going to love you despite your flaws and faults. I am going to love you unconditionally because I know you, I understand you, and there is nothing you could do to drive me away.”

The fic kind of wrote itself after that first scene. I kept going back to the rain, go being ghosts, and resurrection, and the small epiphanies one gets. I wanted to focus on each character’s growth with each other. They didn’t find light in life because of each other, but with each other. And i think that’s my favorite thing about that fic.

I wanted something raw and real and just something beautiful. I’m actually really proud of it tbh. Would i go back and rewrite/edit it? Oh of course! I’d do that with every single one of my fics, but i’m not gonna cause i think its in its rawest form right now. :))))

ask me shit plz

#silly things from silly friends

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sevenstarsinning · 4 years

Note

Hi guys! I loved the Reditz story you wrote! (With a lil hint of Turles hehe) Can I maybe request a Raditz story as well, where reader decides to take care of him after he’s been resurrected and they kinda slowly start liking each other. Your writing styles are so nice and immersive! Keep up the good work ✨🙌

I hope this is okay!

“All I’m saying is next time the delivery guy knocks on the door, don’t answer.”

“I don’t like them showing up unannounced. Why doesn’t this bother you, earthling?”

“You picked him up by the neck and made him piss his pants, Raditz. That’s what bothers me. He was just delivering a package.” You grabbed the large box and carried it to the kitchen to get a knife. Slicing through the tape, you lifted the cardboard flaps to reveal the new outfit you bought Raditz. If he was going to start leaving the house sometimes, he needed to look at least somewhat normal.

“Take these,” you said, passing him new pants, a shirt, and boxers, “I’ll meet you in your room in a minute. I have one more thing to grab.”

“I’m not an invalid, I can dress myself.” He towered over you but all of the fear you had when it came to him disappeared within a few days after you found him in that field. He could definitely still be intimidating, but he was also a teddy bear and it showed every now and then. It had become your personal goal to bring that out a little more each day.

“Obviously you can dress yourself, I just need to see if they fit. You’re not exactly the size of a normal guy,” you explained, sorting through the rest of the box contents. “Shoo, go to your room.”

“I’ve killed for much less than that, tiny human,” he warned, glaring down at you.

“Ya know, you’ve said that more than once, so, either kill me or stop saying it.” You smacked his chest and pushed him down the hallway towards his room.

“Are most humans this small and annoying?” He grumbled, walking backwards down the hallway because you weren’t nearly strong enough to push him on your own.

“Nope, just me. Lucky you.”

He backed into the bedroom and laid his new clothes on the bed.

“Strip,” you ordered, turning towards the bedside table to deposit some other small things to help make him stand out a little less. His hair was going to be an absolute bitch to tame.

"What if I wanted to keep the clothes I had on?" He asked.

You turned around to see him standing at the foot of the bed completely naked and nothing could’ve prepared you for how amazing his body was.

“Fuck… are you really happy wearing a tie-dye shirt from the stoner next door and board shorts?” You tried to focus on his face but you could still see that monster down below in your peripheral.

"Stoner?" He tilted his head like a confused puppy.

"Weed. You know what, nevermind. At least try the new clothes on, please?" You needed him covered before you made a very stupid decision with an alien you found in a field. Given the severe lack of intimacy over the last year, it didn't sound like the worst idea.

You watched as he got dressed and when it came time to pull the jeans on, you crossed your fingers that his insanely muscular legs wouldn't rip the denim. Not that you cared much about the pair of pants, you just really needed to see him wearing them for a bit.

Once he was done, you circled around him. Everything seemed to fit, much to your surprise.

"These pants, are they supposed to fit like this?" He asked, looking down at the pair of skinny jeans he managed to squeeze his big ass legs into.

"Mmhmm," you grinned, checking out the way his ass looked in those jeans. It was the sole reason you bought them in the first place.

"Why are you ogling, human?" He stepped towards you, watching your every move and reaction to him.

"I'm not ogling, just making sure you don't look ridiculous when you leave the house."

"Why would I leave? Your accommodations are modest but much better than the field." The closer he got, the more you wanted to climb him like a tree.

"So, the only reason you want to stay here is because of my house?"

"Should there be another reason other than food and shelter?" His brow raised slightly as he regarded you.

“No,” you answered simply and turned to leave.

Before you could reach the hallway, he stopped you, grabbing your wrist to spin you around with ease.

“Are you in heat, human?” He sniffed the air around you and suddenly it felt like you were losing your mind. Perhaps Raditz, the ridiculously attractive self proclaimed warrior from an alien race, wasn’t there at all. Maybe you finally cracked and he was just a very hot figment of your imagination.

“Alright, you can’t be saying shit like that.” You tugged on the hem of his shirt to smooth it out.

He tilted your head up with the tip of his finger. “You want something.”

"Don't we all?" You were calm on the outside but inside you were begging your unexpected roommate to lean down and kiss you. It didn't matter that he claimed to be from another planet and had a fluffy brown tail around his waist that he occasionally let free.

"Sure, but that's not an answer. What do you want, sweetheart?"

Your breath caught in your throat at the pet name. Something had definitely changed since you nursed him back to health but until that moment, you had done a pretty good job of pushing it aside.

"I want… " you paused, unsure if that was a line you should cross. "I want you on your knees so I can figure out how to make your hair stand out a little less."

A slight smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he dropped down to his knees. He was nearly at eye level and you quickly realized how bad you fucked up when your eyes met his. Weeks of him acting like a fish out of water were gone in an instant, replaced by an air of confidence. Living on Earth was new. But making people fall for him? That was something he had a lot of experience with.

You distracted yourself from the sexual tension with his hair but every time you moved back around to the front, his face was inches away from getting buried in your chest.

"Okay, I have no idea how to tame this so we'll just have to deal with people staring," you sighed and tossed a bottle of styling gel on the bed.

Strong hands gripped your waist and pulled you closer. Your hands immediately moved up to rest on his shoulders.

"So, what do you humans do on a first date?" Raditz asked, keeping his gaze on you.

"Why do you wanna know that?"

A big smile lit up his handsome face and the answer to your question became clear.

Raditz wanted to take you on a date.

#raditz x reader #supremeleadershitlord

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lululawrence · 3 years

Text

Interview with a Writer

Get ready, y’all. Sus is back on her “catch up with shit I’ve been tagged in whilst busy” shit haha

For this one, I was tagged by @disgruntledkittenface, @jacaranda-bloom, and @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed! Thank you, friends!!

name: Sus and my ao3 is lululawrence

fandoms: 1D and those associated (BBC R1 RPF, Golf RPF, Shawn Mendes)

where you post: i guess i made it clear above when i said my ao3 username lol

most popular one-shot: how is popular defined? and what about one-shot? if one-shot is like 20k or less and non-chaptered and if popular is defined by hits, then my most popular one is technically my first ever fic, All I Need is Oxygen (and You). i do think that’s... not quite accurate since i posted that back in 2014 when the fandom was much larger lol BUT it did just hit 1000 kudos like sometime between yesterday and today, so i’ll let it be considered my “most popular” one-shot in celebration lol (by kudos though it would be Drawn to You)

most popular multi-chap: again, if we’re going by hits to determine popularity then my most popular multi-chap is... This Ain't Just a Thing That You Give Up. again, i think it’s because it’s my SECOND oldest fic lollll bigger fandom, all that. but whatever. if we’re going by kudos, though, it would be... oh. the same. lolll guess that’s what happens when most of my fics aren’t chaptered and if they are they’re usually rare pairs lol

favorite story you’ve written so far: uhhhh rude. lol i have posted 141 fics (holy shit when the hell did that happen? didn’t i just hit 100???) so picking a favorite is so so hard. sigh. it’s probably a rare pair, though. lollll all three of my longer rare pairs (my tomlinshaw You Don't Care About Me (One More Night), my grouis I'm Ready for the Worst, and my nory series I Go Down Blazing, Feeling Like I'm Going Crazy) are some of my absolute favorite stories i’ve ever told. end of.

fic you were nervous to post: oh heavens. there were quite a few, and all because they were so personal to me, but i think the one i was most nervous to post was (Something's Been) Hiding In My Heart. there was already a very much beloved and incredibly well written sweet home alabama au in the fandom, and then there i was, writing my own with several differences and putting a LOT of myself and my own emotions into the story. it was incredibly scary to put that fic out to the world, but thankfully i’ve been treated with such kindness and support that it really was worth it and made me a bit more brave to continue putting myself out there like that.

how do you choose your titles: almost always song lyrics haha usually they’re lyrics from a song i was obsessed with while writing or that was on a playlist i listened to a lot around that same time, etc. it’s just a lyric that seems to work generally

do you outline: mmmmm sometimes. haha some fics i have very detailed outlines for, like my long tomlinshaw. i knew exactly what months and years i would have scenes for and the basic idea of what would be happening in those scenes. other fics i have the general plot arch figured out but have to fill in everything in between including a lot of details as i go. and then others, like one of my big bangs a few years ago, i go into it with an incredibly basic idea and the fic just flows from me as i fly by the seat of my pants and inspiration. lol just depends on the fic i guess.

complete: oh, well i said above 141, though i have another 2 that are complete and uploaded or i’m procrastinating uploading for a fest that’s due at the end of the week haha so i guess 143?

in progress: i mean... at the moment where i’m sitting there’s not really ANYTHING in progress... but hopefully tonight my big bang will be in progress lollll

coming soon/not yet started: my @onedirectionbigbang fic and as soon as i’m done writing that one, my @harryandmenfest fic! who wants some fun garry??? hahahaha (that’s greg james and harry for all of you outside the three i rave to about greg james on a regular basis lol)

prompts?: i literally have a fic list. it’s in my planner, i change it monthly lollll some are prompts i’ve started on, some are ideas i’ve had that i want to write and haven’t had a chance to yet, etc etc etc. so yeah i have a lot, and i also have a prompts tag for whenever i (or another writer friend) needs an idea for a fic lol

upcoming work you’re most excited about: i mean... all of them really, but defo my big bang. it’s up next and i’m so excited to write it! but i am also suuuuuper happy with the two fics i wrote for @omegaharryficfest, so i can’t wait for everyone to read those as well.

tagging: i don’t actually know who hasn’t done this yet? especially since i’m pretty sure i was tagged in this like a month ago lmaooooo how about... @femstyles, @1diamondinthesun, @zanniscaramouche (Sorry I think I mistagged at First 😬), @phd-mama, @sadaveniren, and @dinosaursmate?

#mine #writing stuff

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monst · 4 years

Note

Omg omg omg. Pls. Feed us league of villains with their s/o’s wild ass family on thanksgiving. I’m sorry i need this in my life and you seemed like the best Person in the world to write this. I give you my soul. I give it to you. Take it.

Lol thank you for your soul but, I really don’t know where to store it……

It’s a Mad house!

LOV Members that make an appearance – Shigaraki, Dabi, Toga, Spinner, Kurogiri, Twice, Compress, and You!!

Warnings: Pure ridiculousness, suggestive comments?, cursing but you guys know that. And crude/dark jokes. - Also, I know you wanted the LOV with their s/o but it wasn’t specific. Which members did you want? All of them? Including those that were arrested? (Or died…) New faces in the PLF? Also, it’s kinda thanksgiving today I really would have liked more time to do this, so I hope you don’t mind If I tweak your request a bit since I don’t want to put out tomorrow or ignore it. Basically it’s rushed... (Pls forgive me for the mistakes and typos I wrote most of this on my phone since my laptop died,…)

Inviting the league over to your place for thanksgiving.

You had been in the league for a while now. A strong competent member who always prioritized the mission. Just like a few of the other members you had joined the league under the impression that they were carrying out Stain’s vision. You quickly found out that that wasn’t the case. You could have left but the days spent in the dingy pub surrounded by them grew on you and, you couldn’t imagine your life without them anymore.

The league was more than just a job, or you listening to your rat boss. They were family now, especially with what you all had been through. Now that wasn't to say that you had no blood relatives but, it was nothing as tight nit as your relationship with the league. However, out of common courtesy you would visit them during the holidays.

Thanksgiving was one of said holidays. And when you had asked Shiragaki for the day off he wasn't exactly pleased. He made it clear that he didn't want you to go and stated his resentment of the holiday. Until you had invited him over….. You really didn't want to hear your family complain about you not going and Shiragaki had finally agreed after your invitation. It was the lesser evil right???

Wrong. Shiragaki blabbed to everyone while you guys were hanging in the bar the Wednesday before Turkey day. "Kurogiri. Attend to all that needs to be done tomorrow." And, when asked why; he had the smuggest of grins on his face "I was invited to a Thanksgiving dinner. Unlike you (Name) and I have plans."

They were the words to start a war. Toga immediately coming up to you to complain about how you hadn't invited her and how unfair it was. Spinners eyes squinted at you in contempt and Dabi was unfiltered as always. "Tryna get brownie points huh? (Name) sure 'Thanksgiving dinner' if you guys wanted to fuck tomorrow you could have used a better excuse. Your obviously lying doll as if you'd have-" He was cut off by one of the more rational members. "Your jealousy is rolling off in waves." Compress cut off.

Sadly it only got worse. "Why is it a problem if we weren't invited? Your such an asshole why him?" Twice had interjected. The bar was so loud you actually feared heroes would be called and the league would be arrested. That would be a shitty way to lose to the heroes. Arguing about Thanksgiving no less……

Finally the most respected member spoke. Kurogiri easily diffused the situation and you don't know how but it ended with you inviting them all over….. It was gonna be a blast! You tried convincing yourself drowning down another shot. Maybe if you drank enough you'd get alcohol poisoning and be exempted from attending….

When you arrived at your family's apartment you were received normally. "Got any cash kiddo?" "Did you finally get a man?" "You look like shit what have you been doing?" "Wanna smoke a blunt later?" And your personal favorite "Why are you dressed like a cheap whore? All were doing is eating and making sure your uncle doesn't get wasted and feel up the neighbor again."

The table was already set. All the food spread out hazardously on the table some plates threatening to soil the floor with a swan dive. Still there was no sign of any of your friends. You hoped they wouldn't come but as luck would have it just as you were about to sit a sharp knock echoed on the door. "Is that Karl?" "No you idiot he was arrested last week for arson. (Name) here invited friends as if we needed any more mouths to feed." You could almost cry.

When the door was finally opened your impatient boss's face was the first thing you saw. You couldn't help the smile on your face. He had actually made an effort in presenting himself. Kurogiri was with him and you thanked the world for allowing Kurogiri life since he was smart enough not to come empty handed. The smile was immediately wiped off your face when you noticed how your uncle was eyeing Shiragaki. Lord if that man spoke you had no doubt that Shiragaki would level the place. So you rushed to introduce them. "Hey! Thanks for coming! Guys this is my boss! You know the very distinguished, powerful, lots of money type boss." You hissed with narrowed eyes hoping they got the message.

Your aunt sure did. "What a handsome mist man. Is this your son? He's ...quite the looker!" She wasted no time in pulling her shirt lower to show her cleavage winking at a mifted Kurogiri. Polite as ever he corrected her saying that Shiragaki was his ward and the original boss of the 'company' he also gave them the very expensive bottles of liquor he had brought in.

You quickly received an elbow to your ribs once they were seated. Your aunt narrowed her eyes down at you whispering advice to you harshly about how you should seduce your boss….

You couldn't help but roll your eyes. Jolting when the door was knocked again…. There stood a well dressed Dabi, Toga and Spinner. This time your male cousin spoke. "Why the fuck do you look like a shitty version of Sally from the nightmare before Christmas." You paled fearing that he'd burn your favorite cuz to a crisp. All was silent until Shiragaki snorted prompting everyone to laugh. Your cousin rolled his eyes at his mother's awful cackle. Awkward chuckles left you. You felt cold sweat start to form. How the hell were you to survive the rest of the dinner???

Your female cousin eyed Toga down a scowl on her face. She upturned her nose when the blond sat across from her. Toga stroked the silverware on the table and you felt sweat trickle down your forehead. This family dinner was going to end in a mascare. "Oh (Name) never mentioned they had such a cute cousin." Toga beamed at the girl. You shot your female cousin 'the look's and she rolled her eyes and placed a fake smile on her face allowing you to breathe easy as Toga stopped her knife stroking.

"So fucked up Sally what happened to you." Your unfiltered cousin asked. The smirk on Dabi's face was giving you anxiety and you caught a break as Spinner interrupted with a simple two word answer. "Fire accident." Dabi just rolled his eyes wrinkling his nose in disgust as your aunt flirted with Kurogiri. Sadly dinner didn't go smoothly since your uncle decided to open the hole that was his mouth.

“I’ve heard lizards have to dicks that true? Bet ya it’s really good when your with the ladies. If they wanna be with ya since your face-” He was cut off by you slamming down your hand on the table. You sent him a heated glare making him roll his eyes and pipe down. That was when you looked to the side and noticed your female cousin eyeing Dabi…. Then he made a gross hand gesture… the finger in the ring one…….

Was it too late to quit the league? Sadly you didn’t get to entertain the thought because hopefully for the last time the door was being knocked on. You had to get away so you opened the door to a well Dressed Mr. Compress and Twice. Before you could greet them your aunt zoned in on Mr. Compress and quickly shoved you away making Twice jump back in horror.

“(Name) you never told me you had such nice rich friends.” She cooed latching onto his arm to sit him on her side so she was sandwiched between Kurogiri and him. You sent Twice an apologetic glance. When you all FINALLY sat down to eat things were a bit more tame. Until comments on the food were thrown around.

“Is the food to your liking Tomura?” Kurogiri asked. Your boss just nodded not bothering to answer. Hell he didn’t care at all that your family consisted of a bunch of loons he was getting food. It was getting to be a bit scarce due to the restriction of their budget. Shiragaki came for one thing and one thing only; the food.

“This is really good! Tastes like shit!” Twice had chimed in prompting an argument. It consisted of how your uncle was a shit cook who mashed the potatoes wrong to how it was your aunt who made the turkey. Kurogiri and Mr. Compress only shared an amused look as she boasted about herself. Both knowing that she was obviously mistaken on their wealth.

You shot Dabi a look when he had excused himself to use the bathroom. It also wasn’t long before your female cousin had said she was going to go check on him…. That was thirty minutes ago……

Toga entertained herself by watching you suffer. Every time a family member of yours did or said something embarrassing she’d look to you and laugh. Your expressions were so funny. Especially when your aunt kept insinuating you hook up with Shigaraki the heir.. “I wish Big sis Magne was still here. She would have loved this!”

Your male cousin took a quick interest in Spinner after an interesting chat while you had dinner. They both sat on the couch as Spinner explained the process of molting. You sent him a teasing grin when he moved closer to Spinner in fascination. “Okay so I know you’ve got to dicks and, you molt but are you also affected by the temperature?” Needless to say Spinner was quite content with the attention.

You sat with Toga who was now glued to her phone since everything had seemed to calm down. You were both surprised and relieved. You had expected things to be much worse. With a full stomach you moved from Toga’s side to sit next to a full and sleepy Shigaraki. “So… how as it?” You asked. “The food wasn’t terrible. You get together with them every holiday right?” You nodded. “Good, because you're also inviting me for Christmas.”

Watching the league play nice with your family was oddly filling. Your blood relatives getting along with your other ‘family’. Well that was what this holiday was about right? Getting together with friends and family and making the most of- Your train of thought was cut off as silence filled the room. Your uncle was halfway out the door, you knew he was heading to the neighbors apartment obviously drunk but- “Fuck! Uncle! Where the hell are your clothes!!!”

It’s still thanksgiving for some of you so

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

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noonachronicles · 5 years

Text

Forget Me Not

Lee Hoseok/Wonho X Reader

Word Count: 22k

Warnings: Tamed usage of curse words. Smut, but cheesy, bad smut . It’s almost like I wrote it bad intentionally? (don’t even read it tbh). Also some of this was written during a cold medicine haze. So any part you don’t like was written while I was on cold meds and/or written at three in the morning and you can’t blame me. Everything you enjoy I was fully conscious for. Also I didn’t proofread this. I tried, but I’m so tired.

Genre: Mostly fluff, some smut, angst? FWB to True Love lololol.

A/N: Happy (belated) Birthday to my beautiful angel baby, Sara (@memoiresofaneternaldreamer ). I’m unexplainably sorry that this took me so long to get to you and I’m grateful for your endless patience with my shit. 🤣 Why you tolerate me I’ll never understand but it means everything to me to know that no matter what’s going on, I can always count on you to be there. For sticking with me through my worst, I wanted to give you some of my best.

Did I also use your birthday as an excuse to write out what is essentially 20k words worth of praise for Wonho based off of the disgusting amount of deeply internalized love I apparently have hidden away for him? Yes. Please don’t tell Changkyun. Now, let’s get to it.

Saturday

Hoseok 8:40PM: Right. Fucking. Now.

You 8:45PM: k

Monday

You 9:38PM: Busy?

Hoseok 9:40PM: On my way ;)

Thursday

You 8:54PM: Now.

You 8:58PM: Please. :)

Today

Hoseok 9:03PM: Need you.

Hoseok looked down at his watch as he was stopped at the red light. He'd already sent the message to let you know he was on his way over which gave him about 15 minutes to get to your place before you got too impatient. He had two choices. He could drive straight and make it to your place a little ahead of time. Or, he could turn right and stop at the store to get a bottle of that wine he knew you loved.

When the light turned green he made a split decision and went right. He might be a little late but your irritation with his tardiness would disappear at the sight of the wine.

In the parking lot of the store there was a homeless man begging for change. Hoseok would have to choose between walking passed the old man or stopping to pull out his wallet. As he always did, he stopped. He grabbed a few bills from his wallet to give to the man and talked to him for a while to see if he needed anything from inside before actually going in. He found the wine quickly but then he chose to get something to go with it. He eyed the fresh flowers and picked out a bright mix of spring colors, he knew you’d like those better than something more romantic like roses.

He could hear your complaining already, “You're not my boyfriend. Stop doing boyfriend things. I'll get the wrong idea.”

He could also already see the bright blush on your cheeks as you sniffed the petals and placed the flowers in a vase while he opened the wine. He smiled at the thought of it and made his way to checkout. There he had chosen to stand behind a woman that looked like she was nearly ready to go crazy. Two crying toddlers stomping around in the shopping cart and screaming at the top of their lungs.

Looking at his phone he thought about sending you a message that kids were the worst, but he didn't want you to know he'd stopped. The gifts were meant to be a surprise after all. He couldn't help but listen to the conversation happening before him as time ticked by.

“I'm sorry ma’am, that's still not enough.” the cashier frowned as the mother dug inside her purse for change.

“What if we remove the chicken? So it would just been the rice and vegatables.”

“I can pay for her order. All of it.” Hoseok stepped forward placing his things on the conveyor. “Just add my two items to her order and I can pay for it.”

“Oh, please sir…”

“It's not a handout, there's no need to look so ashamed. It's a gift between friends. Feed your boys well tonight. They're growing after all.” He smiled as tears built in the woman's eyes.

“Thank you.” She whispered, trying not to breakdown in front of her kids. He handed the change from the cashier to the woman who tried and failed to deny it from the persistent Hoseok.

Feeling good, better than good, he made his way back to his sleek, silver, sports car. As he made his way to you he thought about all the choices he'd made that had brought him here and how happy he was with his decisions. Maybe he was running late and going down the road with more potholes than the other but it was worth it. You were worth it to him.

He was nearly to your place when someone else's choices that day changed everything. A delivery driver that had chosen to have an extra drink with dinner. Who chose to take off down the road instead of sleeping it off in the cab of his truck. Who chose to flip through the stations on his radio rather than look up to see the red light. Whose choices brought him crashing into the silver sports car that was on its way to you.

~~~

Downtown always seemed so busy, so alive, especially on a friday night. People out celebrating having survived the work week, couples on dates, college kids looking for a party so they could avoid any weekend assignments until Sunday. The people were often rowdy and loud, the traffic most times louder. Movie theaters were packed and lines at all the best restaurants took longer than the movies lasted. Despite all of that, it had been a really wonderful second date so far. At least that’s what you’d been thinking about as Loey walked you down the sidewalk with his magnificently long arm over your shoulder, talking enthusiastically about the movie you’d just seen together.

“...but, anyway, that’s why I had really wanted to see that one. And I know it wasn’t really your thing, so I appreciate you going with me.” he was saying as you brought yourself back to the conversation. “Did you at least like it though?”

“Umm,” you released a heavy puff of air, “I mean, it was...nice. I liked most of it. There were a lot of, um…”

“Boobs.” he said with a nod, “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I swear I didn’t know. I wasn’t trying to like… set any moods.”

You laughed at his genuine nervousness, “It’s okay, I’m not upset. It was just an observation.”

“Well if you were upset and you’re just being sweet about it now, dinner will more than make up for it.” he beamed, “I got us a reservation at the best restaurant. It’s so popular right now, I’m amazed I got us in.”

Your blood prickled in your veins just slightly and you looked at your surroundings. You’d gotten so lost in your thoughts on the walk from the theatre. With his arm around you, you hadn’t even needed to pay attention to where you were walking. The street you were on was familiar, one you’d successfully avoided for months. Your old favorite coffee shop, your old favorite jewelry store, your old favorite bookshop. Everything you’d given up for fear of not having enough restraint to not walk into the restaurant you were walking towards right now. The one with a line of people outside the door, waiting enthusiastically for their chance to experience the best french fusion cuisine in the entire city. The sign above the door, gilded script on dark wood, read La Boucherie. Though to you it might as well have read Turn Back Now in bright, blinking neon lights.

“You don’t seem excited.” Loey said looking down at you with a lopsided pout, “You didn’t happen to go vegan since our last date, did you?”

“No, no.” you shook your head and plastered on your best smile, “This is great. I’ve heard really wonderful things.”

“We can go somewhere else.” he was a puppy, always so eager to please.

You grabbed his face in your hands and forced his big doe eyes to meet yours, “It’s fine. I don’t care where we go as long as it’s together. Also I just want to eat so...”

He clutched at his chest dramatically, “You really are after my heart.”

Once inside the restaurant you tried to keep breathing. Your belly was in knots and you weren’t sure how you were going to stomach a meal with your nerves twisted so tight. There was sweat beading at your hairline by the time the hostess sat you down, but you kept your smile on your face. If he was going to see you here, you were going to look happy. Happy without him.

By the main course you had calmed down quite a bit. Your table was in the main dining area and you knew that on weekends, since they were so busy, he would be working the bar. There hadn’t even been a glimpse of him all night, and the conversation with Loey was going really well. Your stomach aching from laughter rather than nerves. By the time the two of you were sitting, waiting for dessert and after dinner coffee to arrive, you had forgotten where you even were. You hadn’t thought about it at all when you excused yourself to go to the restroom. The restroom that was next to the bar. You’d even made it in and out without a hassle. It was only when you’d walked out of the restroom that your eyes fell behind the redwood bar top. You’d frozen, your heels jammed into some invisible cement, and you weren’t entirely sure you were still breathing either.

Four mirrored panels lined the wall behind the bar reflecting the packed tables, shelves on either side of the mirrors were lined with bottles of the top shelf brands that were offered. Everything else was well stocked, and well hidden, behind the bar itself. It was a sleek look and one you’d always found aesthetically pleasing.

The man behind the bar you’d used to find pleasing as well. His black hair was disheveled. The way you’d used to like, bangs swept across his forehead. They had clearly been busy all night. He had the sleeves of his white button up rolled up to his elbows, showing off the veins in his hardworking forearms. He was helping a customer who had apparently said something funny because you found yourself blinded by his incredible smile. Very suddenly you felt sick.

Honestly, standing there you weren’t sure if you were pissed off or aroused at the sight of him, which only left you more frustrated and flustered than before. After watching him for far too long you remembered Loey and found the strength to leave. At least the strength to get to where the bar met the dining area. It was there you hesitated. You were already here and if you could help it you were never coming back, you’d reasoned with yourself. You would only have this one opportunity to say your peace until you never saw him again. After a deep breath you marched over to an open space at the bar and looked at him expectantly.

He was helping someone new at this point but he noticed you immediately. His smile grew bigger than before and he held up a finger to let you know he’d be with you in a moment. You scowled slightly, having been trying to look angry but wondering if maybe you’d come off as happy to see him. He was either happy to see you or just being his generally happy self. When he was done at the other side of the bar he pushed his sleeves back up and moved over to where you were standing.

“Hey, what can I get for you?” he asked, dark brown eyes sparkling as they looked you over.

“I don’t want anything.”

A smug smirk spread across his face, “Oh, just came over to see me? I’m flattered.”

“Don’t be.” you snapped, “I just wanted to tell you, I’m here on a date. It’s going really well and I really like him. So I might have sex tonight...with him.”

His eyes went wide with surprise and he laughed, looking both amused and confused by your declaration. “I-I’m...that’s great? Congratulations.”

“I’m really happy now. I wanted you to know how happy I am.” you felt your confidence waiver the longer you stood in front of him. “So that’s why I came over here. To let you know I’m fine, better than fine.”

“Well I am happy you’re happy. I guess.” he nodded casually.

“Yeah, and no thanks to you.”

“Wh- I...I’m sorry. Do we know each other? You seem really mad at me.” he said finally just needing some clarification over this bizarre conversation.

“Seriously?” you scoffed, unsure how much longer you could hold up because you were pretty sure this man was trying to break your heart for a second time. “Are you joking? What...are we pretending like we never happened now? You just moved all the way on from me.”

“I...I’m so sorry. I wish I knew what you were talking about. If we had spent time together, that’s definitely something I would have wanted to remember.” he looked genuinely sorry, which made no sense to you. You weren’t crazy.

“Spent time together?” your jaw dropped to the floor, “I know we weren’t exactly dating but I thought we at least… You know what? Forget it. Just, I don’t know, go fuck yourself, Hoseok.”

You didn’t even give him the chance to process your words before turning on your heel and leaving. You were already almost in rage tears when you’d gotten back to the table. Loey’s smile instantly fading at the sight of you and turning into concern. After apologizing profusely you grabbed your things and begged him to stay and enjoy dessert, promising to call him when you were home. He was incredibly confused but you’d made it clear you needed, and very much wanted to be alone.

You made it out to the curb before the first tears hit and you threw your jacket on before starting down the sidewalk. Behind you there was someone calling for you to stop. Looking over your shoulder you could see it wasn’t Loey, it wasn’t anyone familiar at all so you kept going. You weren’t in the mood for being sexually harassed tonight. He was not relenting, once you passed the second building with him still on your tail you reached into your purse and wrapped your hand around the mace you kept.

“Ma’am! Miss! Please, stop. Ma’am. Jesus Christ, would you stop?” he called behind you.

Finally nearing the end of the block, tears streaking your cheeks, you whipped around furiously. “Listen, you fucking creep, I am clearly not interested. And the fact that you’re chasing after a vulnerable, sobbing mess of a woman really goes to show what kind of sick predator you truly are. Now step back before I mace you until you are forever blinded.”

“Wow…” he said, raising his eyebrows and taking several steps back “Are you done? I’m not trying to fuck you, okay? I saw you in the bar talking to Hoseok. Are you friends with him?”

You calmed slightly, but just barely. “I thought, at the very least, but apparently I wasn’t anything to him but forgettable.”

“Um… okay.” the stranger placed his hands together in front of his mouth, trying to decide the best way to say whatever it was he was going to say. “Here’s the thing. Hoseok was in a really bad car accident. He doesn’t remember most of the last six years of his life.”

“What?” you asked, unsure of what else to even say.

“I know it sounds... nuts. I don’t know what you know about memory loss, but they said he has post-traumatic amnesia. His is a hefty cocktail of retrograde amnesia and short term memory loss.” he shrugged, “The guy doesn’t even remember he was in an accident most days.”

“Fuck,” you muttered looking over this complete stranger, “You are the most legit wingman that has ever existed, but you can go back to your friend and let him know I’m over it. I’m over him.”

“No, listen, seriously! This isn’t some joke. The only reason he remembers who I am is because we’ve been best friends since grade school. I swear on my life, if you come back tomorrow, he won’t even remember tonight happened.”

With your heart pounding against your chest, your first thought was to wonder if he’d really been in some horrible accident. Your second was how you hadn’t been there for him if he was. Tears threatened the backs of your eyes once more and you took a deep breath.

You were pretty sure you knew the answer before the question left your mouth, but you had to ask anyway to be certain. “When was it? The accident...what was the day?”

Before he even got the date out all the way, you knew it was the night Hoseok was supposed to be coming to see you. It had been over a year but that day stuck with you like it had been one of the worst days of your life. It was the beginning of the first time you’d ever had your heartbroken.

Closing your eyes, a few tears fell down your cheeks. It was a lot to take in if it was true. If it was true that meant that he hadn’t intentionally hurt you. You exhaled deeply, “Thank you... for telling me. I have to go.”

You had already turned your back to him, more than ready to leave, when he said “Are you yeosin?”

“Excuse me?” you asked looking over your shoulder.

“Did Hoseok ever call you yeosin?”

This time you turned all the way back around as you thought back to one of the last times you’d been together.

Postcoital cuddling in his bed, tangled up in the sheets together. He’d been petting your hair, keeping you in a staring contest. Prolonged eye contact was his favorite game to play with you because it never took long for you to get too flustered to even look at him and he reveled in it. You could be anywhere. In bed or out to eat, alone or in a crowded room, it didn’t matter. He’d touch you, something small. Petting your hair, his thumb rubbing circles on your hip, running his foot against yours. Then he’d lock eyes with you and smirk while your stomach got tied up in knots, your core covered in warm honey. The easiest way to get you in the mood.

“Damn it, Hoseok!” you’d whined and then laughed, blushing as you’d finally looked away.

He’d only laughed, pulling you closer, and you’d sunk comfortably into the warmth of him, “Oh yeosin, maybe one day.”

“Why do you call me that?” you’d asked pushing his bangs off his forehead.

“Yeosin?” you’d nodded, and he’d smiled, “Because for me, that’s what you are.”

You’d rolled your eyes at his response, “That doesn’t make any sense. I’m not even your girlfriend.”

“You’re more than that. You’re my goddess, my queen.”

When you came back from the memory, his friend was still looking at you expectantly. You shook your head, “It doesn’t matter. I really need to go now.”

“Please, it does matter! If you ever cared about him at all...please, just please come back tomorrow.”

You sighed, “Maybe.”

“Okay! Maybe, I’ll take a maybe over a no.” he sounded genuinely excited, “My name is Minhyuk. Come straight to the bar tomorrow. I’ll look for you. We can talk.”

~~~

La Boucherie. You’d stood in front of the restaurant window for twenty minutes. Just eyeing the curl and flow of the cursive gold lettering that matched the lettering on the sign over the door. You weren’t even sure why you had come. Still not even positive this wasn’t some insane ruse. All day, and most of the night, you had debated on whether or not to actually show up. It would have been easy to go back and forth for the rest of your life contemplating whether or not you believed the validity of the story you were told. One thing you knew for sure though, for the last year of your life Hoseok had stayed on your mind. And even after months of anger and pain, seeing him had still made your heart race at a different pace than any of the other guys you’d tried being with after him. So you couldn’t help but think that it would be worth it to find out. For closures sake, you’d justified to yourself.

Saturday at the restaurant was just as bad as Friday or worse maybe, you’d thought walking into the thick crowd of people at the door. You told the hostess you were there to see Minhyuk and she waved you into the bar area. He was there, like he’d said, and as enthusiastic as ever. When he looked up to see you his face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. At least someone remembered you. He made you your drink of choice and practically begged you to stick around until he got a free moment to sneak away. You sat at the bar, sipping on your drink and scrolling through your phone. Minhyuk came by often to check up on you and make sure you didn’t need anything. He even made sure someone brought you an appetizer on the house. Nearly every time he passed he thanked you again for being there and for staying.

“You’re not flirting with him are you?”

You had just lifted your drink to your lips for a sip and had to actively try not to choke at the sound of his voice. You eyed him through the mirror behind the bar. He was smiling, head quirked slightly as he looked at the back of your head, waiting for you to notice him.

Dabbing your mouth with a cocktail napkin you turned to look at him. “Excuse me?”

“The bartender. You’re not flirting with him are you?” he asked and leaned against the bar between you and the guy who had been on the stool next to you.

He was so close you weren’t sure you could speak. You put your glass down slowly. “What would it matter to you if I was?”

“It’s none of my business. I know that. I just think there is something inherently wrong with the most beautiful woman in this entire building flirting with him. I felt a moral obligation to object. I say all of this with love, mind you, the guy’s my best friend.”

You placed your hand over your mouth to try and hide your smile, but the blush was already creeping over your cheeks and up your neck. He was a meal standing right in front of you. Tight back jeans ripped over the muscles in his thighs, his white button down from the night before was replaced with a black one to match the jeans. You loathed how impossibly soft, and pink his lips looked as he pouted at you slightly. Not to mention the way he was staring at you like you were the only other person in the world, forget being just the most beautiful woman in the building.

It was unfair, if this was true, you thought to yourself. If he was really standing in front of you looking like that. You knowing how good it felt to kiss those lips and at one point having been able to kiss them whenever you’d wanted. To already know the feel of his hands on your body, but be expected to do nothing about it because if he truly did have amnesia you were certain that kissing him like you wanted to now would be some form of sexual harassment. Even if he wouldn’t remember it tomorrow. Maybe even worse that he wouldn’t remember it the next day.

You gulped, “Well, who would you suggest I flirt with then?”

He raised his hand to chest, “Wow, I’m so sorry. Was I not being as obvious as I thought I was being? Beautiful, you should be flirting with me.”

“Oh, you were definitely being obvious. I just wanted to hear you say it.” you smirked and brought your drink back to your lips.

“Good.” he held out his hand, “I’m Hoseok.”

You bit your lip, trying to read his face. Did he really not remember you? Even from last night when you’d kind of gone off on him? You placed your hand in his, the feeling was electric.

“I’m y/n.” you said a little awkwardly, thrown by having to introduce yourself to someone who knew you.

“Fitting, a beautiful name for a beautiful woman.” You suppressed an eye roll you would have given old Hoseok. “Would you mind if I sat with you for awhile?”

He still held your hand in his, his thumb rubbing gentle circles over the top. With your free hand you motioned to the now empty seat behind him. He sat down, keeping your hand, and once he was situated he locked eyes with you. It felt hard to breathe, he was the definition of breathtaking. You grew warm all over, like being showered in sunlight. Then you started to feel the all too familiar tug in your belly. The tiniest sigh fell from your lips as he continued to circle his thumb on the back of your hand. You turned away first, per usual. He chuckled lightly as you took a sip of your drink.

“Um,” you put your glass down, “The bartender...he’s your friend, you said?”

He nodded, “Best friend for many years.”

“How do you know him? Do you work here?”

“Actually, I own this restaurant. Him,” he nodded towards Minhyuk, “I met back when we were in school.”

“Oh,” you nodded. Pretending to be impressed by something you already knew was harder than you expected. “How long have you owned this place?”

“Almost six months.” he said confidently. There was a complete and total belief that what he’d said was the truth. It wasn’t. Hoseok had owned this restaurant for over seven years already.

“You’re sure we’ve never met?” you asked curiously.

“Absolutely positive. I could never forget a smile like yours. That way you blush...” he boldly brushed his thumb over your cheek, “I would never forget you.”

He stayed with you at the bar for some time playing with your hand as you tried to casually ask him questions about your past lives together. You focused on reading his face when he answered and it didn’t hurt that his face had always been one of your favorite views. You remained unsure if you were trying to catch him in a lie or were just amazed at the fact that he might have actually forgotten everything. On top of everything running through your head there was also something strangely exciting about sitting there experiencing him flirt with you again the way he had the very first time you met.

If you were being entirely honest with yourself you’d missed him. It had been so easy to be angry and to hate him when you hadn’t seen him for weeks. In your head he had turned into an evil demon monster. Having him sitting right in front of you smiling and laughing, being the sweet and funny Hoseok you remembered, it made you ache for him like you hadn’t done for months.

“Have you ever tried the curry place down on fourth avenue?” you asked. That was the place that you would always order takeout from together.

He shook his head, “No, actually I’ve never had curry before.”

He hadn’t tried curry before the two of you met, you knew that about him. Hoseok had pretty singular tastes and didn’t really stray from what he knew, but you were too adventurous to let that fly in your relationship.

“If you’re ever around there, you should go and try it. It’s really good. I think you’d like it a lot.”

“I actually live right down the road from there. We should go together.” he offered.

“Yeah I think I’d really like that.” you said with a tiny smile.

Sooner than you’d wanted he confessed he had to leave. There was work to be done and he’d already spent a lot of time fooling around with you. The two of you had talked through most of the dinner rush. Although you felt a little guilty, you wouldn’t have changed it. It worked out well anyway because almost as soon as Hoseok was gone Minhyuk had come over, ready to talk. He walked you around the corner, passed the bathrooms. There was a small room with what looked like a lot of backstock for the bar. Kegs of beer, crates of wine. Minhyuk emptied one of the crates and flipped it over, offering it to you as a place to sit.

“He doesn’t remember anything.” you said quietly, your eyes welled up with tears instantly, the weight of it finally sinking in now that Hoseok wasn’t around to distract you. “He doesn’t remember us at all.”

“It’s not just you.” Minhyuk said stuffing his hands in his pockets, “It’s really everything. He doesn’t remember his mom's passing. His brother’s wedding. Most days he struggles with the code to his apartment and there have been days when he couldn’t even find the apartment itself. I can’t express how hard this has been.”

“So what, you have to like babysit him?” you asked, “Does he really forget everything, everyday, like in the movies.”

“Basically. I was the only one who could really afford to pick up and leave everything else to be here for him. He was in a coma for almost seven months. I immediately took over the restaurant for him while he was out. When he woke up with the memory loss, I stuck around. He doesn’t question me being here because I actually worked with him when he first opened. Which is about where he is in his timeline, memory wise.” Minhyuk let out an exasperated sigh, “He’s mostly fully functioning now, but he does get confused. He picks up on little things here and there. Usually the more repetitive it is the better he is at remembering. Being back at work really helped. He’s been good at remembering small tasks and it’s stirred up some progress but he’s been at a bit of a standstill lately. The problem with just doing the same things over and over is there’s nothing new challenging him or stimulating his memory. ”

“How long will he be like this? Forever? Why did he regress so far back? Is that common?”

Minhyuk shook his head, “No, the doctor doesn’t think it’ll be forever, but there’s no real timeline. They don’t know why he went back so far, maybe the extent of the damage. Most people only forget until just before the accident. He, his doctor, said that a trigger would be helpful in getting him back but we hadn’t really been sure what that could be. That’s actually why I asked you to come back.”

Pushing himself off of the shelf he’d been leaning on, Minhyuk pulled a phone from his back pocket. The screen was cracked to hell and there were scratches covering every inch. Hoseok’s old phone.

He handed it to you. “You’re the only one he talked to consistently that wasn’t me or his brother. He knew both of us before that six year mark so we don’t really trigger anything new for him. We were thinking...you might be what he needs.”

“We?” you asked absentmindedly scrolling through his phone.

He’d had dozens of conversations but most of them were with vendors for the restaurant or employees requesting time off or reporting an absence.You’d always kind of thought he worked too hard, but you didn’t realize the extent of it. You didn’t realize that he didn’t have anything in his life outside of work, except you. The conversation at the top was yours. He had you in his phone as Yeosin, which you’d never known. The last message was from you to him.

If I ever see your face again, Hoseok, it’ll be too soon.

You gulped, ashamed and embarrassed at how hateful you sounded in your last messages to him. For weeks after the accident, when you thought he’d just been ghosting you. You looked up at Minhyuk ready to explain. To apologize and swear up and down that you weren’t this person.

He shrugged, “You didn’t know.”

Next you scrolled through his photos. It felt a little like an invasion of privacy but you couldn’t help yourself. It was like learning parts of him he’d kept from you before and it was fascinating. You saw his brother at different holidays and special events. A fractured timeline of his niece through the years, from infant to toddler. Pictures of things for the restaurant like invoices, inventory, and what were probably pictures for insurance.

What surprised you was that most of his pictures were of you. Hoseok didn’t do social media, he didn’t really have time. He didn’t even run the media pages for the restaurant, he’d hired someone for that. That meant you’d never gotten to see all the pictures he’d taken of you, or realized just how many the two of you had together. Out to dinner, at different events, at home. There were cute ones, silly ones, sexy ones. An entire history of your relationship. You didn't realize you were crying until tears were splashing down on the cracked screen. You wondered if you had meant more to him than you realized and he’d just never told you. Then again it wasn’t like you’d ever told him what he meant to you either. Suddenly, you were incredibly worried you would never get the chance to know for sure.

“Um, we?” you asked again wiping your face clean and handing him back the phone.

“His brother, me, the doctor.” he said, “We would have tried to get ahold of you right when it happened, but we didn’t even know about the phone until he woke up. It had been lodged in the car, they put in a box with all the other stuff they salvaged. We hadn’t even thought to open it until we realized we needed to trigger his memory. By that time...”

You let out a small laugh, “I had changed my number. I’m so sorry. Have you tried just showing him the phone?”

“Yeah, a couple times. He just got weird and cried a lot. It didn’t really help.” he shrugged, “We think you could help though. You knew him the best during the last few years. I, we, really think you could be what brings him back.”

Thinking about the man outside this room with his beautiful smile and lingering gaze, you knew there was only one option. You looked up at Minhyuk and nodded, “What can I do? I’ll do anything.”

~~~~

It was simple really. All you were asked to do was come around and see him. Come see him and let him see you. That’s what you did and you did it often. Four times a week that first month. At first it was going to the restaurant, hanging out at the bar or eating a meal alone, waiting to see if he would notice you. He did, every time without fail, notice you. Each time he would come over to where you were and confidently make a pass at you. He would offer to comp your meals and buy you drinks. Several times he’d asked for your number. You’d have to tell Minhyuk so he could go back later and delete it, knowing it would be tough to explain why you were in his phone already the next time he asked you for it.

After weeks had gone by and you’d reintroduced yourself to Hoseok for the twentieth time, you and Minhyuk decided you needed to try something else. The two of you started manufacturing casual run-ins. He’d find out where Hoseok was going to be or ask him to come out with him somewhere and tell you where to go. Grocery stores were easy locations and so were coffee shops. You’d always get a little nervous because it was so uncertain how he’d react. The restaurant was more controlled and he was always so confident there. When he saw you anywhere else he seemed almost shy and would really work for it. It was so brand new to you to see him struggle a little.

At the grocery store he’d follow behind you for awhile, gathering courage. Usually if you stood for a while pretending to read the backs of boxes he’d make his way over, pretending to need something in front of you as a way to break the ice. Coffee shops usually meant him sitting somewhere in your line of sight. He’d make big movements to try and catch your attention. Pushing out his chest, stretching out his arms, subtle flexing that left you biting your lip to keep from laughing at how ridiculous of a flirt he was. He’d test the waters by matching your gaze over the tops of his glasses until you were blushing and flustered. Then he’d come over to your table and sit down with a pleased smile offering to refresh your drink.

Everytime, no matter where you were, like a moth to a flame he would find you. At first it was the best feeling in the world. It warmed you every time he’d find you. Everytime you were in a room full of people and the first thing he noticed was you. Everytime he would find a new way to get your attention, introduce himself to you, and flirt with you made you fall a little bit more for him. Then, slowly, it became the worst feeling. It was bitter for you because even though there was clearly something there, you were stuck. You were falling deeper in love with him than you’d ever been with anyone else. You learned and relearned every part of him, and all he ever wanted was your name. It got harder and harder for you to “meet” him, feeling so hopeless, knowing it was all for nothing. Desperate for a break you’d been avoiding messages and calls from Minhyuk for days.

Too frustrated by everything you just wanted a step back. A moment of your life where Hoseok’s face wasn’t the only thing you saw or the only thing you thought about. Work was turning out to be a decent distraction for that. Especially as there was a big opening at the art gallery you worked for in the upcoming weeks that you were busy preparing for. You were actually on the phone with the caterers for the event when you heard the chime of the door opening.

“I told Bianca when we spoke last week that it was eight hundred. Minimum.” you said calmly looking up from your paperwork to the visitor. You placed your hand over the mouth of the phone before saying “I’ll be with you in just a moment.”

Everything stopped as you caught sight of him. He may have had his back to you but that didn’t change the fact that you knew it was him. There was a black beanie pulled over his hair and his ears and he was wearing a leather jacket over a pair of light jeans. There was no reason for you to know it was him from where you were positioned but you did with one hundred percent certainty. You sunk down behind the front desk and took several deep breaths. There had been no plans made with Minhyuk for this, you didn’t even remember telling him where you worked. He had never once told you to expect this.

“Ma’am, hello?” you could hear the woman from the catering company on the phone, “Are you still there?”

“Oh my god,” you hissed into the receiver, “can you please give me a minute. I need a minute.”

You grabbed your cellphone off the desk and pulled it into your lap bringing up the conversation you had with Minhyuk.

You 1:15 pm: Are you here?

It took a minute for you to see the bubble pop up with its three little dots. Or it might have been seconds, but time got strange when you weren’t functioning properly.

Min 1:16 pm: ...where?

You 1:16 pm: At my work.

You 1:16 pm: Min

You 1:16 pm: Did you send him here?

You 1:16 pm: How do you know where I work?

You 1:16 pm: Min

You 1:17 pm: Min

You 1:17 pm: EXPLAIN PLEASE

Min 1:17 pm: Who

Min 1:17 pm: Wtf r u talking about??

Min 1:17 pm: I’m at the restaurant

Min 1:17 pm: haven’t heard from u in a week...

You looked up again to see that he had moved near the back of the gallery, still just observing the art. You could see now that he was wearing his tight maroon sweater under the jacket and your eyes went wide, he looked so good there was no way this wasn’t a trap.

You 1:18pm: Ho! Seok! Hoseok is at my work right now!

The bubble appeared and disappeared four different times and then…

Min 1:19pm: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You 1:19pm: You’re a dead man Lee Minhyuk.

After the message sent you slammed your phone down on the desk and picked up the cordless phone for the gallery.

“Are you still there?” you asked hurriedly.

“Yes…”

“Okay, I’m going to have to call you back. Something super urgent came up, a fire to put out. I will call you back as soon as I can.” the woman on the other end sounded upset but you didn’t have the time to concern yourself with it.

You stood up and smoothed out your skirt before inconspicuously slipping back into the heels you’d kicked off under the desk. After several deep breaths you walked over to where he was standing. He’d been looking at a tall, nearly ten foot tall, narrow painting that you’d had in the gallery forever. He’d seen it before. He used to come in all the time to pick you up from work or to take you to lunch. When this painting came in originally he’d looked it over for a long time and said

“You’re never going to sell this.” you blinked at the Hoseok standing in front of you now, a sincere wave of deja vu crashing over you. He looked over at you and smiled, “I mean, not that I think you’re a bad salesperson it’s just who has the kind of space for it?”

It took an excruciatingly long moment for you to reply as he stood there looking at you, waiting. “Not the first time I’ve heard that. Um, unfortunately you’re not wrong. It’s been hard to move to say the least.”

“If I had somewhere to put it, I’d take it off your hands.” Not the first time you’d heard that either. He reached out his hand, “I’m Hoseok.”

“Hi Hoseok, I’m y/n. Did you need help finding something?” you asked tugging your lip between your teeth.

He shook his head, “No. I actually was just going to get lunch. I liked the way the door looked, thought I’d come inside.”

“The door… of the building?”

“Weird, right? I saw it and it just felt...familiar? Just felt like I’d been wanting to come in here for awhile, and I had the time so here I am.” he grinned. “Do you know any good places to eat around here?”

That earned him a suspicious look. He lived maybe a handful of blocks away from here and you knew his favorite ramen shop was about two streets over. “What are you hungry for?”

“What would you want? If you were going to lunch with me, what would you be hungry for?” he asked.

You crossed your arms over your chest and thought about it, “Anything I want?”

He nodded, “Anything at all.”

“Curry.” you said with a smirk waiting for a groan or a request for something else.

He made a bit of a face and then smiled, “Okay. Let’s go then.”

“What?” you asked surprised.

“Come get lunch with me.” he shrugged as if it was no big deal to ask someone you’d known for five minutes out to lunch.

“That’s bold of you. Anyway, I’m at work.” you said and looked around the empty gallery, “Alone. I can’t just leave.”

He hummed thoughtfully, “How long? How long until you’re not alone?”

“Could be hours.” you lied and looked down at your watch. Your coworker should actually have been back from her lunch twenty minutes ago.

“I’ll wait then.” he said clasping his hands behind his back and moving on to the next piece of art.

You couldn’t move, you just watched him as he walked around the gallery. Never once did he look back at you. He didn’t need to, he’d already seen the incredulous look that you’d had frozen on your face. Finally, after taking way too long to respond once again, you walked over to where he had stopped this time.

“Why would you wait that long just to have lunch with a stranger?” you asked.

He turned to you with a small smirk on his lips, “I think you’re pretty. I also thought it was cute, the way you were trying to hide behind your desk when I came in. So I’d like to have a meal with you. Also I’ve never had curry before. I wouldn’t know the first thing about what to order, I’ll need you to come with me to tell me what’s best.”

You scoffed, “You think you’re so charming, don’t you?”

“What, you disagree?” he laughed.

“I didn’t say that.” you blushed and looked away.

You both turned at the sound of the chime for the front door to see your coworker scurrying in. Big sunglasses on her face, big purse on her shoulder, and big phone against her ear. She had a finger raised as if to shush you before you even thought to say anything. The two of you watched her go around the desk to drop her bag off and then click clack her way to the restroom without even so much as a hello.

“Well would you look at that?” he said, “You’re not alone anymore.”

You opened your mouth to say something but thought better of it and ended up just rolling your eyes, much to his amusement. When Mina returned from the restroom she had her sunglasses on the top of her head and was just pulling her phone from her ear.

“Hey, Y/n! Soooo sorry I’m late. We had italian for lunch. I had too many bellinis and honestly the service was terrible. It’s not really even my fault I’m late.” She looked up at you finally and her eyes went wide, “Oh. My. God. Is that H-”

“Hey!” you shouted enthusiastically, “Hey, Mina. Mina...hey! Can I talk to you?”

“Sure,” she said eyeing Hoseok as you hurried over to the desk where she was standing. When you arrived she leaned in and said, “That is Hoseok, right?”

“Yes,” you said quietly.

“I can’t really blame you for going back to him, he looks…” she ran her tongue across her lip as she looked over at him. “So good.”

You sighed, “We’re going to go to lunch, so I’ll be gone for a little bit.”

She raised a dramatic eyebrow. “Oh, you think you’ll be coming back to work after. That’s so cute.”

“Mina! Please, it’s just lunch.”

“Just lunch...with that man? I don’t think so, y/n.” she said waving over at Hoseok and he nodded kindly in return, “Yeah, leave your panties here, you won’t be needing them where he’s taking you.”

“Anyway…” you said and grabbed your purse off of the desk, “I’ll be back. Hoseok, let’s go.”

He hurried to the front where you were and went to open the door for you.

“I won’t hold my breath!” Mina called in a song song as you made your way outside.

Lunch with Hoseok had been amazing. At several points you’d questioned why you had ever wanted space from him in the first place. You also realized you’d gotten so good at feigning interest in the things he’d repeatedly told you about himself as first meeting banter. The best part by far had been something new. It had been ordering Hoseok his favorite dish from the restaurant and watching his face explode in delight at the very first bite. He made you laugh so hard your cheeks ached and the two of you ate so much you thought you’d never have to eat again as long as you lived.

Afterwards he asked if you wanted to take a walk with him or if you had to go back to work right away. You didn’t want to prove Mina wrong so you sent her a quick message to let her know you wouldn’t be back that afternoon. You also found a message from Minhyuk swearing he had nothing to do with it, which you ignored. Hoseok walked the two of you down the street to the park that was across from his apartment building. You walked and talked down the bike path and around the small duck pond and then back up again. Finally you begged for the chance to sit down.

Your work heels weren’t meant for leisurely strolls, and you’d become worried they were filling with blood. Though truth be told, if he’d wanted to you would have kept walking for miles, but you were grateful that you didn’t have to. You were grateful he had found an unoccupied bench for the two of you to share. You sat there for some time, at one point the wind picked up and he threw his jacket over your shoulders to make sure you were comfortable enough to stay with him a little longer.

“I’m really glad I walked into your work today.” he said moving a few stray hairs away from your face. The lights in the park started to turn on as the sun neared setting.

“Me too.” you agreed watching his tongue brush over his lips. This, you’d thought to yourself, would be a good moment for him to kiss you. If he didn’t you imagined you might scream out of frustration.

The two of you sat there for a little while longer, just watching each other. It didn’t have quite the intensity of his staring game, but it still left knots in your stomach. Your whole body was vibrating as you caught him eyeing your mouth. He gulped lightly and it felt like this was it. So you sat still as a statue as he leaned in, worried you might scare him off if you made any sudden movements. He was so close, nose brushing lightly against yours close. Then he pulled away.

“I’m so sorry.” he shook his head, “I don’t know why I did that. We just met, that was really out of line. I apologize.”

You sat quietly for a minute. All of your sexual frustration threatening to boil over. Little white bubbles stacking up beyond your capacity, staying put by nothing more than the grace of god. Looking at his face you knew you couldn’t yell at him, despite the urge to that was tugging at your chest. It wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know, but this wasn’t your fault either. It wasn’t fair for anyone.

“I can’t do this anymore.” you sighed and stood up, “I can’t.”

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“I just can’t, Hoseok. I’m so sorry.” you said through trembling lips as you pulled his jacket off your shoulders.

He took the jacket from you reluctantly, “It was a mistake, I won’t try it again. We don’t have to do anything, I promise I didn’t expect anything from you. I just wanted to spend time with you.”

“That’s the problem!” you groaned in frustration, he probably already thought you were crazy. You thought you might as well get it all out so he could go to bed and forget any of it happened. “I know it’s not your fault, but you can’t possibly understand how hard it is for me to be falling so desperately in love with a man that never remembers who I am! I don’t get to kiss you or touch you like I want, like I was used to. Every day it’s like you’re meeting me for the first time and you would never want to spend time with a girl that desperate that she begs for your physical attention after the first five minutes of meeting her.”

“I…” it was clear he was already confused by everything you were saying but it was too late, you just had to get it out.

“No, I’m not done.” you said lifting your finger, “Because now it’s so much more than that. It’s more than kissing you and holding you. It’s the inside jokes that you’re on the outside of. It’s the memories that you can’t remember and feeling like maybe I made all of it up. Maybe I made us up. Worst of all...worst of all, it’s knowing in the back of my mind that maybe before all of this you could have fallen in love with me too. I could have made you love me and now I can’t even get you to remember me.”

“I don’t...I don’t know what to say.”

“No, I know. I know.” you sniffed and smiled weakly, “I’m going to kiss you. Is that okay?”

He didn’t know why it felt right but he nodded, “Yeah.”

You grabbed his face in your hands and pulled his mouth to yours. It felt so good to have his soft, full lips against yours. He pulled you close, letting you sink into his chest. It was bittersweet. Kissing him again was exactly what you remembered it could be, but that only reminded you how much it hurt to not have it all the time. You left a quick peck of a kiss and pulled back.

“I’m gonna leave. Um, I’ll call Minhyuk and let him know.” You ran your hand over his chest with a sigh, “I’m really, I’m really sorry I wasn’t...strong enough for this. I hope you get to remember.”

“Minhyuk?” he asked still dazed and very much confused, “You know Minhyuk?”

“Yeah, you should call him. He can explain everything.” you grabbed your purse off the bench and slipped on your shoes. Hoseok didn’t know what else to do but stand there and watch you. Everything you had confessed, the kiss, and his feelings on all of it still processing very slowly. When you were ready you leaned up one last time and kissed his cheek, “I really do love you, Hoseok. I wish you could remember that.”

~~~

It was lucky for you that it was the start of your weekend because when you got home and sunk into your pajamas you knew that you’d have been useless if you were forced to try doing anything beyond laying in bed watching sappy romance movies and eating ice cream a gallon at a time. You called Minhyuk to try and explain why you couldn’t do it anymore through hefty sobs but he wasn’t understanding anything you said. You ended up just texting him something of an essay that didn’t make much more sense than your verbal ramblings but you’d figured you’d tried your best and it’s all you could do.

It made you incredibly frustrated, mad, and just generally upset that you had to get over Hoseok for a second time. Part of you wished you’d never seen him again, that you didn’t know about the accident. That you hadn’t spent the last couple of months fruitlessly trying to help him get his memory back. Mostly you just wished that he would come back to you.

Sunday morning you woke up fairly early. You showered and got ready for the day like a normal human being, and made your way down the street to the grocery store. The pretense was that you were going to pick up some vegetables and fruit, something sustainable. Part of you knew all along that you were just going to get more ice cream. As you walked up the sidewalk to your apartment building you saw a familiar face. You shifted your bag of groceries in your arm as you watched Hoseok, wondering what he was doing there.

“Seriously, Minhyuk…” you muttered under your breath.

Hoseok looked completely lost, just slowly spinning around in a circle like he was looking for something specific. As you got closer to him, he stopped. You could see his Adam’s apple bob in his throat with a gulp and you wondered for the briefest moment if maybe he remembered you, if you were the something specific he’d been looking for. You kept his gaze, half expecting him to say something to you. Instead his cheeks grew a shy blush and he looked away as you passed him. Maybe not. The fact that he didn’t say anything to you only made you more curious as to why he was there if it really wasn’t for you. You walked up the few steps of the stoop and tried to juggle your groceries as you dug into your purse for your keys.

“Do you need some help?”

Even though you knew he was there, his voice still took you by surprise. You looked over your shoulder and smiled, “No, thanks. I got it.”

“Okay.” He smiled back lightly and shoved his hands in his pockets before walking down the sidewalk a little ways.

Once you got yourself inside you stopped to grab your mail. You could still see him from your mailbox, wandering around aimlessly. He looked like a sad, lost puppy and all the frustration you’d felt start to dissipate yet again. You let out a long deep sigh as you realized that it was never going to be over for you, not when it came to him.

Leaving your groceries on the shelf in front of the mailboxes you walked over to the door and pushed it open. “Do you need help with something?”

Hoseok spun around with a bright smile on his face. “I don’t know.”

Your eyebrows knit together in confusion. “What?”

“Um…” he looked around the street once more and then jogged the short way to your stoop. “I don’t know what I’m doing here. You ever get the feeling you’re supposed to be somewhere but once you get there you’re not sure what you’re there for?”

“Literally never...done that” You laughed.

“I know it sounds crazy.” He shook his head and looked back up at you, meeting your gaze but this time with more confidence. “I woke up this morning and I knew that I had to be here, that it was important that I come here.”

You gulped, “Like right here, to this spot?”

“I didn’t know, not it first. It was more general. I’ve been walking around this neighborhood all morning and then when I got to this street I just knew I was close and then I got to that light post over there and...can’t figure out where I’m supposed to go. But I know this is approximately where I need to be. I haven’t been able to figure out why. It feels familiar but nothing looks familiar. Does that make sense?”

“Why did you feel like you needed to come here?” You asked leaning against the doorframe.

His smile faltered slightly. “I felt bad, I think. Guilty maybe, like I needed to make something right. My heads been weird lately. I thought I’d know when I got here.”

“Well…” you sighed, had he really come all this way to make up with you without even knowing it? Or were you just reading too far into it? “If you’ve been outside all morning you should come in for awhile and warm up. You don’t want to get sick. I can make you some tea.”

“Really?” He asked, looking thrilled at the idea, “You’d do that for a stranger?”

You let out a small laugh, “Yeah...I’d do that for a stranger. Come on, I’m letting all the hot air out.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” he said slipping inside of the building. He watched as you got your mail, you’d been too distracted by him to do it before. Then he snatched up your bag of groceries before you could, “I’ll carry them. It’s the least I could do.”

“I guess, if you really want to.” you grinned walking over to the stairs.

“I’m Hoseok, by the way.”

You let out a little hum and nodded, “Nice to meet you, Hoseok. I’m y/n.”

Inside your apartment you brought the groceries to the kitchen and told Hoseok to make himself at home as you started the water for the tea. As you waited for the water to heat up you peeked around the corner of the kitchen and watched him as he scoped out your living room. He looked cozy in his old, oversized, black hoodie and a pair of gray sweatpants. You let yourself imagine, just for a moment, how nice it would be to get back into your pajamas and curl up on the couch with him. Luckily the whistle of your tea kettle woke you from your fantasy and you slipped back into the kitchen.

When you came back into the living room with the tea he was sitting in front of your record collection, flipping through the old vinyls. He looked up at you with a smile, “This is really cool.”

You handed him one of the cups and sat down on the floor with him, “It was mostly inheritance from my dad. I’ve picked up a handful here and there, but it was mostly his thing.”

“Can I put something on?” he asked hopefully.

“Sure.” you shrugged and while he flipped through the records you crawled over to the couch and started tossing throw pillows onto the floor in front of the record player.

After you crawled back over you laid on your back with your head on one of the pillows and closed your eyes. You weren’t entirely surprised when the first song started to play. It was one he’d played often when he came over to your place before. A well worn compilation of vintage soul songs, it had been your dads favorite record too. Hoseok laid down on his stomach, tucking a pillow under his chest, and held the tea you’d made in his hands.

When you opened your eyes he was looking down at you with a curious smile, “Is this okay?”

“This is really nice. I like it.” you nodded.

You watched him for awhile as he bobbed his head and moved his shoulders to the beat of the songs, taking sips every now and then of the tea in his hands. He looked happy and content. You thought to ask him what he was thinking about but didn’t want to bother him. When he was warm from the tea he moved his pillow so that he could rest his head on it. Then you watched each other quietly as the music played in the background.

“Did you ever figure out what you came here for?” you asked.

He smiled shyly and turned his face into the pillow for a second before looking back at you, “Yeah, I think I did.”

~~~

Minhyuk smirked when he saw you walk into the bar that evening. Without offering you a greeting he started making your usual drink as you found a seat.

“I see you changed your mind.” He said sliding the glass in front of you. “That didn’t last long at all.”

You gulped down a mouthful of the drink and placed your glass back on the bar. “Don’t boast, it doesn’t suit you.”

“What changed your mind?” He asked leaning against the bar top.

“Hoseok.” You answered simply.

“Speaking of, he’s not here tonight. He’s off today.”

“Yeah, I know. I saw him earlier. We spent a couple of hours together.” You cleared your throat, “That’s why I’m here to see you, we need to talk. Something is changing with him.”

“Something good or something bad?”

“Good. I think.” You said, “He came to me today.”

“He usually does make the first move.”

“No, he found me. I didn’t seek him out or make myself available to him somewhere. I got home from the store and he was standing in front of my apartment. He had no idea why he was there, but he came to me. If you really didn’t send him to my work like you say you didn’t, that means it’s the second time this week he’s done that.”

“Hold that thought.” he said and moved down the bar to the customer that had just sat down.

You wondered what it meant, if it was possible it meant that he was getting more memories back. How could he have known where to go if it weren’t for some subconscious memory trying to make its way to the surface. If that was the case then it meant there was finally a sliver of hope that you could hang onto and that’s all you’d really needed all along. A vision of a light at the end of the tunnel.

“Okay.” Minhyuk said sliding back over to you, “I want to get into the Hoseok thing, that’s important, but I also need you to clarify what the hell you were talking about the other day when you said you were done. Can you tell me now without crying? Hoseok seemed to think you were, I don’t know, the way he described it just sounded like you were horny, to be honest.”

Your cheeks burned red as he smirked at you. “No… that’s not… not exactly. I mean, okay, yes. I am… horny or whatever, but it was more than that. It is more than that. I have feelings for him and he can’t have feelings for me because he can’t even remember me. And yes, sometimes I want to kiss him and more-”

Minhyuk snorted, “Kiss him and more. Are you five?”

“Shut up.” you rolled your eyes, “I want more from him but everyday is the first day we’ve met for him and there’s no good way to try sleep with someone an hour after you’ve met.”

“You’ve spent all this time with him and never asked him to smash?”

“No!” you gasped, mortified, “Total time, yes we’ve spent a lifetime together, but he doesn’t know that. From his point of view every time we meet it’s the first time and it’s only for like three or four hours max. No one is just going to ask a stranger to have sex with them a few hours after they’ve met.”

He scoffed, fully amused at your assumption. “Uhhh, false. Guys will. Guys will have sex with women within minutes of meeting them.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Men are disgusting and I’m a man, so you’re not wrong.” he shrugged and leaned against the bar. He knocked his knuckles against the wood rhythmically as he thought. “How many dates did you go on before you guys originally hooked up?”

“Well,” you flushed slightly. “It was...the first...date.”

He raised his eyebrows at you, “Then what’s the issue? Just make a move already.”

“It was different that day!” you argued. “We met early in the morning and ended up spending all day together. We were with each other for over twelve hours by the time we got to his place. So it was like we’d gone on three dates, just all at one time”

“Okay, then just do that again.” he said as if it was the obvious answer, “It’s not like we haven’t fabricated all of your other dates.”

“This one we can’t. The day we met we were both going to a festival. That’s why it worked out the way it did. It’s not like there are festivals happening all day everyday just because I need one.“

“Festival?” Minhyuk asked looking suspicious. “What kind of festival was this?”

“Just a music festival down by River Park.”

“Bullshit,” he laughed, “Hoseok would never go to a music festival. He hates that crap. He doesn’t even like to go to regular concerts. He thinks they’re a waste of time and money.”

“Well I don’t know what to tell you. He was there with me all day.”

“Who mentioned this festival first, you or him?” he asked, clearly not letting it go.

“I don’t know, it was like four years ago!” you said shaking your head, but then you realized you did remember. “It was me. I was wearing some dumb outfit and he said ‘looks like you’re going somewhere fun’ and I told him about the festival, it’s how we started talking actually.”

“Hoseok, you sly dog.” Minhyuk grinned, “I’d bet a million and a half dollars he didn’t even know about the festival until he met you.”

You shook your head in denial, “He had a ticket.”

“A ticket he could have purchased online, day of the event, using his phone?” your face scrunched in confusion. “It didn’t seem weird to you that he was going alone or not meeting anyone there?”

“Not at all, because I was going to go by myself before I met him that day.”

Minhyuk stopped and looked at you for a long while. It was like he was looking at you for the first time. You squirmed uncomfortably under his lingering gaze. You reached over the bar and grabbed an olive before throwing it at him. “Oh my god, what?

“I can’t believe it took me so long to realise it. It’s so clear, everything makes so much more sense now.”

“What is clear? Make your weird little brain make sense to me!” you complained.

“Hoseok was in love with you from day fucking one.” he chuckled to himself, “It’s why he always finds you. Subconsciously he has to remember. I knew, I knew all we needed was you. We just have to figure out what to do with it.”

“In love with me? Are you kidding? We weren’t even dating.”

“You went to dinner together. You watched movies together. You went to festivals together. You made him dinner and he bought you birthday presents. Oh, and you had sex regularly...What the hell do you call that?”

“Nothing!” you argued, “We didn’t call it anything. That was the point. We didn’t have time for dating and feelings. We were just friends with benefits.”

“Well.” Minhyuk sighed, “We learned two things today. One piece of good news, one piece of bad news.

“Yeah, what’s that?” you asked taking a drink.

“Bad news is you’re a totally useless idiot. Good news is I wasn’t the last one on earth to figure out you two were in fact dating and also in love with each other.”

You rolled your eyes yet again, your favorite thing to do when Minhyuk was around really, “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Get your head in the game, y/n!” he said reaching over the bar and dramatically strangling the the air in front of your neck, “He’s in love with you, you’re in love with him. Let’s figure out how to fix this mess!”

~~~

Your hands were shaking as you stood in line for coffee at your favorite cafe. It had taken Minhyuk all of ten minutes to come up with a plan and even though you weren’t sure it was going to work you also didn’t have any better ideas. It also wouldn’t hurt to try considering Hoseok would just forget by tomorrow if everything went to hell. He was standing in line ahead of you getting his coffee, his phone pressed between his shoulder and his ear. You said a silent prayer as he thanked the barista and turned around to leave.

“I’m literally right across the street. It doesn’t make sense for me to not come in today.” He was still on the phone, with who you knew was Minhyuk. As he got closer you took a deep breath and stepped to the side just a few inches. His shoulder crashed into yours. There was the sound of a splash and then he said, “Shit, Min. I gotta go.”

You turned towards him and touched his forearm lightly, “Oh my god, are you okay? I’m so sorry!”

He looked from your hand to your face where he stared for quite some time, just blinking at you. “No. Yeah! I’m fine, did I get you with my coffee?”

“Um,” you looked down at your outfit, “My shoes a little but that’s okay. I’m really sorry.”

“Please,” he shook his head, “It was entirely my fault. I was on my phone, not paying attention.”

“Even still, please let me get you another coffee. Do you have a minute to wait with me?”

Hoseok looked down at the phone in his hand, Minhyuk had said not to come in today, that he wasn’t needed. Looking back up at you he smiled, “Yeah. I have all day actually.”

“Awesome!” You beamed, “I’m going to go get something to clean this up with. Stay here for just a minute, save our place in line?”

“Of course.”

You let out a deep breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding as you stepped away. Phase one of Minhyuk’s plan was right on track.

According to Minhyuk phase one was equal to the first date. A “meet cute at the coffee shop” he’d called it. You were impressed at how everything had happened exactly like he said it would. After the mess was cleaned up and you bought Hoseok his new coffee you asked if he’d wanted to sit with you awhile and he was thrilled by the idea. Four hours of effortless conversation passed. Part of you didn’t even want to move on to phase two, you’d been so happy with how phase one was turning out. Even if you would have been fine joking around and laughing with him in that cafe for four more hours, you moved on with the plan.

Phase two, or date two, was the fall festival down at the park where the original music festival had been. Minhyuk had found out about it after thirty seconds of googling and made a terrible joke about how you’d been wrong when you said there weren’t festivals whenever you needed them. It wasn’t the same exact thing as your first first date, but it could still be a lot of fun if he agreed to it. You asked Hoseok if he’d heard about the festival and when he said no you asked, ‘even though you’d just met’, if he wanted to go check it out with you. He agreed immediately and the two of you walked down to River Park. A true gentleman, he bought your entrance ticket but you only let him do it after he promised to let you buy him a corndog.

For hours you walked around the festival. You did some people watching, lots of judging and even more laughing. You got on some sketchy looking festival rides and felt grateful every time you walked off of them in one piece. And you ate way too much fried food. Your latest culinary decision had been a pumpkin spice funnel cake and a hot chocolate. Hoseok drank hot apple cider while eating his second corndog of the day. His was a combination you couldn’t get behind entirely, but he seemed to be enjoying it and you loved to see the smile on his face.

As the two of you walked down the midway you tore a piece of your funnel cake and held it up to his mouth, “So good, try it.”

You bit your lip as he leaned forward and wrapped his lips around your fingers before sucking the treat into his mouth. He hummed as you pulled your hand away, “There’s so much delicious, horrible food here and I must eat it all. Why?”

“I don’t know,” you laughed, taking another bite, “Isn’t it the best?”

“Oh! Oh! Oh!” he pointed enthusiastically across the way from where you were standing to one of those balloon and dart games. “There. We have to go over there.”

You groaned, “Those are just money traps. Let’s go to the fun house!”

“After.” he said grabbing your wrist and pulling you across the crowded midway with determination.

Very politely he asked you to hold his apple cider and you obliged. He shoved the rest of his corndog in his mouth, and was standing with it bulging from his cheek as he dug out his wallet. You watched as he exchanged his cash for three darts. In a manner that was all too serious for you he took his stance. His tongue was sticking out of the side of his mouth as he eyed one of the balloons. One out of three balloons had popped, winning him a tiny plastic toy. Apparently that wasn’t what he wanted because he pulled out more cash from his wallet and exchanged it for more darts.

It was clear after sometime that you were not going to be leaving that game until he got whatever it was he was after. In the time it was taking you finished your funnel cake and neither of you had a drink left. You’d even left at one point to find a trash, found a clown making balloon animals and purchased a balloon crown. When you finally came back he was still going and you put the crown on his head and told him it was good luck. There was a growing pile in front of him of very cheaply made, small and medium toys. Things were getting tense as he was down to his last few bills.

“What are you even after?” you asked curiously as he received another bunch of darts.

“You’ll see.” he took his first shot, the dart bursting through a red latex balloon. He got the second one too, blue balloon bits exploding with a pop! With a contemplative sigh he looked over at you and asked very seriously, “Yellow or green?”

“Green.” you answered quickly and confidently.

He focused ahead and took a deep breath before throwing the last dart. The point of the dart blasted through the green latex balloon and you couldn’t help but scream out in excitement. You laughed as Hoseok turned and lifted you off the ground to spin you around.

“You did it!” you exclaimed as he put you back down.

“Great,” the carny said with much less enthusiasm. “Toad or bunny?”

“Bunny.” He smiled, leaving his arm around your hip as he waited for his prize.

Both of you watched as the carny grabbed his long hooked stick and hoisted it into the mess of stuffed toads and bunnies above his head. He gave it a little jiggle and the huge bunny in his little velvet vest with his tiny bowtie tumbled from the sky.

“All of this because you wanted a bunny?” You asked shaking your head.

“No.” He handed you the bunny and smiled, “I don’t need a bunny, I am a bunny. The bunny is for you so can take him home and think of me when you see him.”

Your mouth fell in awe and amusement. He was such an incredible flirt and you weren’t sure when you’d started taking that for granted. Giving the bunny a tight squeeze you remembered that he had in fact told you he was a bunny when you’d first met and that he’d said to be gentle with him. At the time you’d thought he was just joking, but you’d been learning more and more that despite his manly physique he was the softest, sweetest man you’d ever met.

“You’re keeping all of them?” You asked genuinely surprised as he scooped up the whole stack of smaller prizes in his arm.”

“No, not keeping them, but I did pay for them” he looked over at you and smiled, pleased by the way you were holding onto the stuffed bunny. “Fun house?”

As you made your way down the midway once more, headed towards the fun house, you watched him as he passed out his stack of prizes to kids he saw along the way until his arms were empty. When that was done he threw his freed arm over your shoulder and you blushed into your fluffy, oversized gift. Phase two - second date, was going flawlessly.

~~~

With your arms wrapped tightly around your bunny you stood face to face with Hoseok in front of the exit gates of the festival. People were swarming around you as they tried to leave. Broke teenage couples that spent too much money cheap trinkets and rides all day, parents with pink cheeked toddlers crashed out against their shoulders. You tugged your lip between your teeth, it was time to initiate phase three - date three.

“So…” you said slowly, this was the one you were least certain he’d agree to. “I know it’s late and we’ve already spent all day together. You’re probably tired of me and want to go home but...my friend is spinning at a club a few blocks away. If you’re at all interested in spending even more time with me, I can get us in. No wait, no cover, maybe free drinks?”

“Ummm.” you were trembling, so nervous he was going to say no. “I was actually trying to think of an excuse to spend more time with you myself, so I would love to go.”

“Oh.” you sighed with relief. You felt warm all over despite the chill of the fall air. “Well, good.”

Before the two of you even got passed the gates he’d scooped up your hand in his and you led him the few blocks to the busy club. There was a line that wrapped around the corner of the building of people waiting to get into the club, but you dragged Hoseok, and Bunho, who Hoseok had named for you, to the front of the line. You dropped your name and were let in without a seconds worth of waiting. You could still hear the groans of the line outside as you walked into the building.

Inside the club was packed from wall to wall. You squeezed Hoseok’s hand as you led him to the DJ booth, laughing to yourself as people stared at the giant stuffed bunny in your arms. In the booth you were greeted by your old friend Hyungwon. He’d met Hoseok before plenty of times but you weren’t worried about him remembering as he met hundreds of people a night and was usually already tipsy before his sets even started. If you didn’t meet him outside of a club he was never going to remember you. After giving Hoseok a friendly handshake, Hyungwon wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug as a greeting and told you how happy he was you could make it. He handed over two neon green wristbands that were good for free drinks at the bar, and he promised to take care of Bunho in the booth while you had fun.

“Will you dance with me?” You asked against Hoseok's ear once you were on the crowded dance floor.

He looked so tense, but he nodded in agreement anyway. You tried several different moves in an attempt to get him to loosen up but you could tell he wasn’t feeling it yet.

Remembering the wristbands you put one in his wrist and the other on yours before shoving him to the bar. There the two of you indulged in several shots of top shelf tequila and a couple of mixed drinks. Within no time at all you both were in the best of spirits and you couldn’t shake the urge you had to dance. You asked again if he wanted to dance and this time he nodded enthusiastically

He held your hips as you both made your way back to the dance floor. It was a tight fit all around but you found a decent spot near the back where there was actually enough space to move. His cheeks and the tips of his ears were pink from the alcohol as he danced with you in the crowded club. You were glad he’d finally loosened up and seemed to be having fun.

You danced for what felt like hours and you wanted nothing more than to keep going. The pair of you jumped around, arms flailing recklessly through the air. He grabbed your hand and twirled you around under his arm several times.

Then he spun you out and pulled you back into his arms. Your heart was pounding in your chest, your chest pressed against his. Both of you were short of breath. Everyone around you kept dancing while he held you close. Not moving, not speaking, barely breathing. Your fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt and you leaned in just slightly, testing the waters. He leaned towards you, until your sweaty foreheads were pressed together. Your eyes hadn’t left his lips, but you were hesitating and you were sure why.

“Are you gonna kiss me or what?” He grinned.

That was the invitation you’d apparently needed. Pulling on his shirt you tugged him that half an inch closer until your lips were pressed together. You smiled against his mouth. Really pressing yourself into him, you lifted your hands from his chest to his hair. His tongue brushed against your mouth and you let him in. You tried not to cry as you thought about how this was happening. Not some sad pity kiss in the park. A kiss you both wanted and were clearly enjoying. It felt so damn good. One of his hands slid up your back and cupped the back of your neck. You thought for a moment how you’d be okay doing this and only this for the rest of your life.

That only lasted until Hoseok pulled away from your lips and leaned close to your ear to whisper, “Do you want to get out of here?”

That one single question had an implication that left fireworks going off in the pit of your stomach.

~~~

The walk back to Hoseok’s place wouldn’t have taken that long. Even still he hailed the first cab he saw once you were out on the sidewalk outside of the club, not wanting to waste any more time. He’d pulled you into his lap in the backseat where you kissed the entire ride. In the elevator ride you stood on opposite sides. He held onto the bar behind him as he smiled over at you, anxiously tapping his leg. You peeked at him from between Bunho’s big ears, squeezing the bunny close to your chest. You couldn’t help but giggle at the feeling of anticipation running through you.

Once the elevator opened Hoseok was blasting passed you through the door, gripping your wrist tightly and leading you down the long hallway. You said a silent prayer that he’d get the code right the first time and almost cheered out loud when he did. Finally inside, your purse and giant stuffed bunny were left by the wayside as he pulled your hips towards his own.

His hands slid down your ass and backs of your legs until he’d hooked his arms around your legs to pull them around his waist. You had released several moans into his mouth. The way your body was reacting to his made you feel like he might as well already be inside you. You were feverish, and aching all over for more of him. So close to the release you’d been needing.

“You gotta…” he panted, pulling away from you slightly, “stop making that noise. My jeans are already too tight for that.”

“I can't stop.” You groaned again. Your hands fisted his hair. He let out some guttural noise and pulled away again gasping for air. And you whined, “God, I fucking missed you.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” You whispered against his ear before pulling it between your teeth, the way you knew he liked. His whole body shuddered and he slammed your back against the wall for leverage to keep from dropping to his knees. You dropped your legs from his waist to give him a break and he pressed his freed palms against the wall beside your head.

“How are you real?” He questioned as he rested his head against your neck, gasping desperately for air.

“Maybe I’m not.” You panted out your own reply.

“Okay..” he sighed, “I gotta get to that bed.”

Hooking his arms around your thighs he lifted you back up around his waist. You cupped his face in your hands, sucking his swollen lips between yours fervently while he danced the two of you the rest of the way down the hall. The mattress took you by surprise when he dropped you onto it. Hoseok stayed standing. You watched, your tongue passing over your lips, as he stepped back and unbuttoned his shirt before untucking it from his jeans.

You wanted to scream with excitement at the sight. It was really happening, after months and months. First months of thinking he’d just abandoned you. And then the ones you’d spent trying to get him to remember you. It was about to happen, you were here again with him and everything felt somewhat normal. Felt like it had before, when it was you and him, and everything was good.

When you focused back on him you realized he’d gotten down to just his tight black underwear and you gulped at the defined bulge. Feeling impatient you stood up, grabbed his face in your hands, and kissed him hard. He whimpered when you drug your nails down his chest.

“Sit down.” You muttered into his lips, “It’s my turn.”

He sat on the end of the bed and watched you with a giant, beautiful smile on his lips. You pulled your shirt over your head and immediately his eyes were wide. With a little chuckle, feeling quite proud of yourself, you unbuttoned your shorts and dragged them down your legs. When you stood back up Hoseok had his hand on his chest.

“I can’t…” he looked at you with wonder, “I can’t breathe.”

“Please, I’m not that special.” You laughed, thinking he was joking.

He shook his head, “No..I...I don’t know.. I can’t-“

“Hoseok…” you stepped forward and grabbed his shoulders. He looked like he was having a legitimate panic attack. “Oh my god.”

He grasped at you with both hands pulling you forward by your hips. He pressed his cheek against your bare stomach and begged you, “Hold me. Hold-hold me, please.”

Hunching over you wrapped an arm tight around his shoulders, and with the other you massaged his head. “I’ve got you. You’re okay. Just breathe, I’m right here.”

It took a couple of minutes for him to stop shaking, a little longer after that for his breathing to be steady, and then he was back to normal. He threw his head back and looked up at you. He looked so embarrassed, “I swear that’s never happened before.”

“Are you okay? What happened?” You asked placing a gentle palm against his flushed cheek.

“I saw you and...it’s so cheesy...I guess you just took my breath away.” He sighed, “It was something else though. I can’t explain it right, you won’t get it. I know we just met and this is the first time I’ve ever seen you like this but there was this overwhelming… it was like flashes of you, in front of me like you were but not now, not this moment. It wasn’t deja vu. It was like memories.”

You bit your lip unsure of how to handle what was happening. No one had told you what to do if his memory started to return like this. Were you supposed to explain everything to him? Risk him having another panic attack. If he had questions you weren’t sure you’d have the answers. “Should we stop?”

“God no.” He muttered, he was looking up at you with big doe eyes. “I mean, I don’t want to stop, but if I made you uncomfortable…”

You held out your hand to him and when he took it you pulled him to his feet. You planted a kiss against his lips before dropping to your knees. His eyebrows raised in pleasant surprise. As he stood before you, you tugged his black underwear from his hips, dragging them down his legs. He was already fully erect, his tip glistening.

Moving your hands back up his legs you could feel what you thought was scarring. You wondered if he even knew it was there, how often did someone look at the backs of their own legs. Trying your best to be inconspicuous you leaned in close to his hip and left a soft kiss. From that angle, looking down, you could see the scar. It looked pink and fresh, starting at his hip and following the length of his leg all the way to his ankle.

You rested your forehead against the top of his thigh, trying to keep yourself composed. Every reminder that you could have lost him for good had a bad habit of nearly breaking your heart.

His fingers traced you jaw to your chin and he lifted your face to look at his. “Are you okay? Do you want to stop?”

You shook your head and gave him a small smile, “Hoseok...you’re so beautiful.”

He tried to play it off but you could see very clearly on his face how much he appreciated the praise. You leaned back on your heels. And ran your hands down his inner thighs. He shuddered underneath your touch. Wrapping your hand around his length you leaned forward and swirled your tongue slowly around the tip. You grinned, seeing the muscles in his abdomen clench from the small action.

After one more teasing swirl, you took him into your mouth completely. Hands gripping his hips, you looked up at him through batted lashes. His breathing was tense already, and you wondered what he was thinking about as you sucked your cheeks in. You would have never guessed how desperately he was begging himself not to explode in your mouth after only a minute of your lips wrapped around him. He didn’t know why he was so sensitive, he didn’t know it had actually been a year since the last time he’d had sex.

He palmed your cheek as you bobbed back and forth along his length. Your tongue swirling around him simultaneously and you offered the perfect amount of teeth. The slightest dragging sensation that made his eyes roll back. Professional, was all he could think to himself as he gasped helplessly above you. You watched the heave of his chest, paired with the trembling if his thighs under your hands, and you knew he was close. He closed his eyes and you though for a second this was it.

Instead he pulled his hips away from you and panted out, “Stop. Wait. Fuck.”

“Are you okay?” You asked still concerned over his reaction earlier.

“Yeah I just…” he didn't know how to, or really want to, try and explain the comedic way he was imagining his orgasm would look. Feeling like he was going to blast out like a firehose, spraying your face relentlessly. You running away terrified. Him never seeing you again.

“Hoseok?”

“Just...come here.” He said with a smile and helped pull you to your feet. He kissed across your cheek and down your neck before whispering against your earlobe, “I want to taste you.”

That was a good enough reason for you. An anticipatory groan fell from your lips with such gusto that you felt embarrassed, wishing you could somehow take it back. However, Hoseok loved how much you wanted him back. With his hands on your hips he spun you around so your legs were backed against the bed. He kissed down your neck, across your collarbone and over your shoulder. His hands moving around you for just a moment before you were released from your bra.

You wanted to say something about the ease with which he removed your bra but the dark look in his eyes as he leaned back and slipped your straps from your shoulders left you incapable of saying anything at all. Your lip trapped between your teeth as he leaned forward once more to kiss and suck at the sensitive skin. His mouth left a moist trail all the way down your abdomen to the elastic band of your lace panties. His fingers hooked onto them on both sides of your hips and he tugged until you were completely naked in front of him.

“Sit.” He commanded. You did so easily, your legs bordering on the consistency of jello as it were. He knelt down in front of the edge of the bed and m propped your knees open in front of him. You were leaning back on your elbows, watching him as he dragged his fingers along your sex and smirked, “Hey, y/n…”

“What?” You asked breathlessly.

“You’re so beautiful.” Still smirking he leaned forward and buried himself in you.

Your arms fell weak and you crashed back against the bed as he worked you with his mouth. Just the swirl and dip of his tongue, and the way his lips wrapped around your clit, it was all you needed. In just minutes you were so close. And then he slipped his finger inside of you, then suddenly it was two pressing deep and curling as he pulled them out.

“Hoseok,” you gasped, “I-“

You couldn’t speak, you could barely breathe. Not much more than a mess beneath his touch. With a whimper you reached between your legs, running your fingers through his hair. Your toes curled and your back arched against the sheets. Eyes rolling back, you gushed around his fingers and onto his lips. The sound he made as he lapped up your orgasm nearly had you coming a second time.

When he was done he moved on to the bed, between your legs, crawling up your body until your lips were clashing together. You ran your hands up his back, your fingertips tracing the muscles in his shoulders. Pulling away from your lips he shuddered and leaned back in to kiss down your neck, his lips sucking greedily at your clavicle. Goosebumps raised across your skin from the gentle way he dragged his fingers over your body.

“Please,” you begged with a gulp. It was too much. He was too much.

You opened your hips beneath him as further invitation. He pushed himself up further, to get a better look at you. He ran his hand over your cheek and dipped his tongue out over his lips. His dark bangs were hanging away from his face and when he looked at you, you could have sworn he knew you. Not just knew you today, but knew you deeper than that. It was like he knew you were his. It took every ounce of self-restraint you had in your body not to tell him then and there how much you loved him.

He reached down between your legs and keeping your eyes locked with his he fitted himself against you. “You’re sure?”

“Positive.”

Your head fell back as he eased inside of you, the feeling was euphoric on a hundred different levels. His forehead pressed against your neck, and tiny grunts escaped his lips. You dug your nails into skin of his shoulders and dragged them down his back.

“God...damn” he gasped before digging his teeth into your skin.

“Over.” you said against his neck.

He rolled over on the mattress, taking you with him. You pushed yourself up, sitting back against his thighs. His hair was a mess and you were sure yours was even worse off. After some slight adjustment you sunk back down onto him and satisfied with the fill you sighed and looked down at him. As your hips rounded on him you moved your hands over his chest. The dip of his collarbones, the rise of his pecs. His hands gripped your thighs so your eyes followed his arms. Fingers to strong hands, hands to tightly flexed forearms, forearms to bulging biceps, and then just his smiling face looking up at you like you were everything.

“What?” he asked as you let out a small half laugh, half moan.

You shook your head, “Nothing, it’s so stupid.”

He moved his hands up to your hips to make sure you kept your pace as he lifted his own hips up until you were gasping from the fill. “Tell me.”

“It’s just,” you blushed from embarrassment, “you’re so sexy.”

He shook with laughter beneath you and the vibrations left you whimpering. You laughed at the sensation of it and he laughed with you.

You fell forward and giggled through tiny gasps, “Stop...laughing,”

“Why?” he asked, “It feels so good.”

“I know, but I’m gonna cum, and it’s not funny.” you groaned as he chuckled again.

“You’re right,” he said and your stomach tightened at the way he dropped the smile from his face. He moved his hand between your thighs and circled his finger against your clit, “I will take your orgasms very seriously from now on.”

“Oh. Oh my god!” your eyes blew wide as you hit your second orgasm for the night, “Hoseok, fuck!”

He squeezed his eyes shut, his nose scrunched up and he bit his lip as the pulsing from your orgasm brought him to his own. Breathless and exhausted you rested against his chest. You could have fallen asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

~~~

That night you didn’t let yourself fall asleep next to Hoseok, even though a big part of you wanted to. The winning part of your mind couldn’t stop imagining how terrible the next morning would go when he woke up with a stranger in his bed. Especially after the breakdown he’d already had, you just weren’t sure how he’d handle it. So that night you made up some excuse about needing to be up early the next day and went home with just Bunho to keep you company. Then you did it again. Three more times. Three more day long dates with Hoseok that ended in some of the best sex you’d ever had in your life. Each time you ended up being too afraid to stay for fear of what might happen the next morning, despite the fact that every time he’d asked you to stay.

After the fifth daylong date you found yourself dozing off. You’d been laying with your head on his chest, and he was running his fingers over your bare skin. He’d been humming a song for a while, though you couldn’t figure out which one it was. All you knew was that it was soothing. Hitting that moment when you’re just about to truly fall asleep your eyes flew open.

“I really need to get out of here.” you sighed, pushing yourself up and out of his arms.

“What? No, why?” he asked grabbing your hand, “Stay with me, I don’t mind.”

“I can’t.” you looked over at him almost annoyed at how effortlessly handsome he was being. How effortlessly handsome he always was. “You won’t want me here in the morning.”

“Why? What happens in the morning?” he asked brushing your cheek with his thumb.

“Nothing, you’ll just change your mind.”

You sank back down onto the pillow next to his and looked over at him. You didn’t want to leave, and were less worried now that you were feeling wide awake. He placed his hand against your cheek. He locked eyes with you and you couldn’t look away. His face was so serious, the slightest pout on his pink lips. Your heart was beating impossibly fast.

“Stop.” you said gently, trying to match his calm energy.

“Stop what?” he asked raising a single eyebrow, looking almost innocent.

“Looking at me with your face.” he laughed and you felt yourself sink further into the bed at the sound. “Looking at me like you know my soul.”

“You think I don’t?” he asked seriously, quirking his head to the side slightly. “You don’t feel it?”

Tingles shot across every inch of your bare skin. “Feel what?”

“Feel like you’ve known me forever? I feel like I know you already.” he dropped his hand from where it had been cupping your face to your hand and squeezed your fingers, “Stay. Please?”

“Okay,” you agreed, “but only until you fall asleep and then I’m taking off.”

He smiled, pleased with himself, and moved his hand under the sheets. “Are you challenging me to an all nighter?”

“Hoseok!” you shrieked with laughter, feeling his fingers slip between your thighs. You shoved his shoulder but the action barely moved him.

“Come on.” he said leaning close, burying his nose in your neck, “Let me work you so hard you can’t even feel your legs. Then you’ll have to stay with me.”

You let out a half laugh, half groan. Laugh because of the way his breath tickled all the way down your throat, and groan from the feeling of his fingers slipping inside of you, slowly.

With a weak conviction you choked out, “You can try...I guess, but it won’t work.”

Hoseok’s stamina hadn’t been something you’d considered. His plan had worked and you fell asleep while you were still in his arms after the second round of the night.

Shocked was an understatement of how he felt the next morning as he woke up with his arms around you. For a moment he didn’t recognize you, he didn’t remember bringing anyone home or what he’d done the night before that could have lead him forgetting everything that brought him to this moment. A groan fell from your lips as if, even in your sleep, you could tell he wasn’t close enough anymore. You rolled over so that the two of you were face to face and your hand found his waist under the sheets. He was wide eyed and anxious, as he looked down at you, afraid you were going to wake up and he wasn’t going to know you.

Slowly and quietly, in hopes that he wouldn’t wake you, Hoseok brushed the hair away that had fallen in your face. His breath caught in his chest as he started to remember, a smile spread slowly across his face. He leaned in and pressed a kiss against the exposed skin of your neck, then another and another until you were squirming beneath him.

“What are you doing?” you groaned as his lips tickled your neck.

“I’m awake, y/n. I need attention.” he whined.

Not ready to wake up, you kept your eyes closed as you moved your hand up the warmth of his back. The sheets were so soft and his hands were so strong, gripping your hip. Everything felt so normal. Hoseok was awake and he remembered who you were.

Hoseok was awake and remembered who you were. Your eyes flew open and you sat up in bed taking in a quick gasp of air.

“What’s wrong?” Hoseok asked, “Did you forget where you were?”

Biting your lip, you looked over at him stretched out over the white bedding. Not where, you thought to yourself, but when.

“Yeah,” you smiled and laid back down, “or something like that, but just for a second.”

He hummed and slipped his arms around you, pulling you closer. “You were wrong, by the way.”

“About?” You asked, so comfortable you could have fallen back asleep.

“You said I’d change my mind about wanting you here.”

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t.”

It hadn’t been completely intentional, but the two of you spent the rest of the day together. Most of the day was spent in bed, which you’d had few complaints about. Later in the afternoon, ever the gentleman, Hoseok drew a bath for you to enjoy while he went down the street to pick up some food. You knew he’d probably intended on you staying relaxed in the water for longer than you did but you found yourself a little too restless to stay still for too long. For a while you meandered his apartment, not really looking for anything since you’d mostly seen all of it before. Back in his bedroom you raided his drawers finding the oversized sweater you’d seen him in and a pair of boxers, which surprised you since you’d never seen him wear them before. You dressed yourself in your findings and continued to walk around the apartment as you brushed your hair with his comb.

When he finally returned he found you in the cupboard searching for something unhealthy to snack on and disappointed that there was nothing. He’d brought back...everything. Hoseok realized when he’d gotten downstairs that he had never asked what you might want, so he just went to a bunch of places and hoped that he’d gotten something you’d like. Luckily, all of it was stuff you liked. Together you took refuge on the couch and devoured nearly every bite of food he brought home. As the hours ticked by and the afternoon inched into the evening you started to worry again. Worry that you’d have to leave him soon and that if, or more likely when, you finally did he’d only forget you again. However, as your movie binging, makeout marathoning continued on his couch, he never once asked you to leave. He didn’t even suggest it. Instead, as you tucked into him, what he did was run his hand up and down your back until you’d fallen asleep on his chest.

It surprised you when Hoseok wanted to spend the next day with you as well. This time the two of you actually left the apartment. You’d gone to enjoy a late brunch. Afterwards you strolled around downtown. You stopped at several department stores to warm up but mostly you liked to go into designer boutiques and guess the prices of their ugliest pieces. Once your cheeks were permanently sore from laughing he brought you home, stopping on the way to grab dinner.

Sitting across the table from him made you sad because you realized that you couldn’t continue to spend all your time with him. This had been the longest amount of time you’d ever spent with him, even before the accident you were never really together for more than a couple hours, a day at the longest. You’d imagined you’d have gotten tired of him or he would have gotten bored of you. You thought, especially since you’d relived the beginning of your relationship a hundred times already, that he wouldn’t have anything new to offer but he kept you on your toes.

You stuffed your mouth with rice and curry, to avoid having to answer any questions about the change in your mood. You were just sad imagining being alone and worried that the second you left he would forget you and you’d have to restart this whole process over again.

When you finally told him you had to leave he looked equally sad. You knew it that it would be awhile until you could see him again. The event at your work was happening this week and you were going to be outrageously busy until it was over. You’d told him it would be at least a week until you’d be free to see him again. When you told him that he kissed you for a really long time in front of the cab he’d called for you. You were sure that if the meter wasn’t already running that the driver would have left you on the sidewalk, your mouths glued together.

He sighed when he finally pulled away, “Do you think that’s enough for a week?”

“No.” You laughed, “That’s not enough for even a day.”

“Glad you agree.” He grinned and leaned in to kiss your cheek. “We’ll just have a lot to catch up on when we see each other.”

“Coffee right?” You asked, “The cafe where we met. Sunday morning.”

“Sunday morning.” He confirmed.

“You won’t forget?”

He shook his head, “I won’t forget.”

“Hoseok,” you said in a whisper. He raised his eyebrows expectantly, “don’t forget me, okay? Promise you won’t forget me.”

“How could I ever forget you?” He laughed like it was ludicrous.

“Just, please. I know it sounds silly but will you just promise me?” you basically begged.

“Hey…” he cupped your cheeks in his hands and smiled brightly, “I promise, I will not forget you.”

~~~

Preparing for your work event was excruciating. It would have been regardless but it was more so because you spent every second you weren’t thinking about work thinking about Hoseok and whether or not he’d forgotten you yet. You’d removed your number from his phone before you’d left him, just in case, so if he’d wanted to get a hold of you he couldn’t. With barely a second to even eat or shower between preparations you definitely didn’t have a minute to contact Minhyuk to find out if he knew anything about Hoseok’s current memory status.

Saturday night, after the last guest left the event, the caterers drove off with their equipment, and the tables and chairs had been stacked and made ready to be picked up in the morning your shoulders finally fell with some relief. You’d been slightly worried you still wouldn’t be able to sleep before your meeting with Hoseok in the morning but your head crashed down on your pillow before you’d even taken off your heels.

The cafe was busy for a sunday morning but you’d gotten there early and grabbed a coffee and a table. Hoseok was right on time, he looked amazing and there was nothing more you wanted to do than to kiss him but you waited instead. Waited to see what he would do when he saw you, because he always came to this cafe and him being here didn’t necessarily mean anything. For a blink you thought he was looking at you but you couldn’t be sure, and he walked passed your table to the counter without a word.

You watched out of the corner of your eye as he turned around a few minutes later, coffee in hand. It looked for a moment like he was headed straight for your table but instead he moved just passed it. He sat at a table across from you and opened his book, not unlike he had done a dozen times before. When he caught you looking at him he smiled kindly, which he’d also done plenty. You were becoming more and more certain that he’d forgotten you, like he’d definitely done before.

Feeling a little heartbroken your shoulders slumped. Part of you wondered if it was all the way back to square one, which meant hopelessness. Or, you wondered, maybe if you just spent every single moment together for the rest of your lives he’d be able to remember you. The thought alone was exhausting, but a big part of you thought you could manage it.

“I hate to bother you,” you looked up to see his smiling face, coffee in one hand and a book in the other, “but can I use that chair or are you waiting for someone?”

“Oh, go ahead, I’m not using it.”

You expected him to drag the chair away, like people usually did when they asked to use chairs, instead he sat down on the seat and placed his coffee on the table. He crossed one leg over the other before opening his book.

He grinned over at your confused face, “Sorry, I just felt like it was selfish for us to be using up two tables when we can just share this one. I won’t bother you.”

Unsure what to say you looked down at your book. You read nothing, you couldn’t focus long enough to comprehend the words. Sniffing with eyes brimmed with tears you were trying desperately not to cry out of frustration. You just wanted to stand up, grab his shoulders, and scream Remember Me!

“Rough story?” He asked.

You looked back up at him, “What?”

“I know I said I wouldn’t bother you but,” he nodded towards your book, “you look upset, pretty emotional story?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, “it’s devastating. Might be the worst love story of all time.”

“Why read it then?”

“I can’t seem to let it go, no matter how much it hurts.” You wiped your cheek and looked back down at the book.

The table fell into a comfortable silence, and you were able to calm yourself enough that you didn’t feel on the edge of an emotional breakdown. You hadn’t noticed, but Hoseok hadn’t looked back at his book. Not once. He’d been too preoccupied watching you.

After quite some time he finally leaned forward, planting his elbows on the table. “Y/n, can I ask you a question.”

“Of course.” You said looking up at him expectantly.

He looked almost sad, “Who hurt you?”

You leaned back, feeling slightly attacked by the question. “Excuse me?”

“Who hurt you?” He repeated.

Suddenly your brain seemed to start working again and your eyes went wide, “You said my name.”

“I can’t believe you really thought I’d forgotten you!” He exclaimed in disbelief, “What person on this planet made you feel so forgettable because I have a few choice words for them.”

This time you were really going to cry, but you had to keep it together. You wouldn’t just be able to explain to him why it meant so much to you that he remembered who you were. At least, you thought, you couldn’t do it without Minhyuk. He watched fascinated by how every part of you lifted and brightened in just the blink of an eye.

“You really remember me?” You asked.

“Well, I did promise you I would, didn't I?” He smirked over at you.

You bit your lip, “Tell me what you remember about me.”

He laughed and then realized you were being serious. “That’s such a weird request.”

“Please?”

“I remember a lot about you.” he looked you over for a second and dragged his bottom lip between his teeth, causing an instant blush to cross your cheeks, “like how soft your hips felt, especially when you had just gotten out of the bath. I remember how cute you looked in my sweater, and how you look even cuter when you stuff your cheeks with rice. I remember the way your hair smelled when you fell asleep on my chest. The way you taste, I remember the way all of you tastes.”

“Oh.” You let out a soft breath, not having expected that answer. He laughed at how immobile you seemed.

“I also remember that work project you had that kept us apart all week. How’d that go?”

He remembered you. So many thoughts rushed through your head, so many feelings and you felt incapable of expressing any of them properly. Instead you told him all about your hellish week before asking him about his and then making plans to spend the day together.

~~~

Minhyuk had been so thrilled by your news about Hoseok that he’d dropped the three hundred dollar bottle of tequila he’d been holding. He grabbed your face and kissed you right on the mouth he was so happy and all you could do was laugh because you knew the feeling well. The two of you discussed for a long while the best way to tell Hoseok about everything, deciding ultimately to wait until you knew for sure his memory lasting wasn’t a fluke. The decision had been Minhyuk’s. It had surprised you at first, until he explained that he’d already had to remind his best friend of the accident hundreds of times before and it never got any easier. He wanted to make sure this time it lasted.

You’d told Minhyuk to take his time, that the time of the reveal would be up to him. You had felt bad at first. It felt like you were lying to Hoseok whenever you were with him. Keeping a secret that affected him so deeply. Then weeks had passed and you found yourself too distracted by life with Hoseok. It had been three years. Three years of his demanding hands all over your body. His desperate and needy late night requests for your attention. Never spending more than a day together, rarely spending time overnight. Dates hadn’t been called dates, it was just hanging out. You had never been his girlfriend and he wasn’t your boyfriend. This time with him was different, it was better. It was date night’s and entire weekends together. And when Hoseok told you he wanted you meet Minhyuk and you asked him why he said it was because he thought it was important that his best friend and his girlfriend got along.

After a delicious dinner at the restaurant and probably already too many drinks the three of you went back to Hoseok’s for more drinking and hanging out.

He’d been so affectionate all night. Holding your hand, kissing your shoulder, always making sure that you were comfortable and having a good time. Back at his place he’d grabbed your hand and led you over to the couch, he crashed down onto the cushions and pulled you onto his lap, “This has been the best day. Might as well be my birthday.”

“I’m glad you’re so happy, Hoseok.” You said before pressing a kiss against his cheek.

He looked over at Minhyuk who had walked over slowly, thoughtfully, “I’m glad you two get along. I hadn’t really been worried, but it was important to me.”

Min smiled at Hoseok and then looked over at you, “I think we should do it now.”

Hoseok looked between the two of you slightly confused, you leaned in and kissed his cheek once more before standing up from his lap. You weren’t sure where to go, you’d wanted to give him space but you also wanted to be there for him at the same time. Minhyuk sat beside him on the couch. Hoseok reached out, solving your dilemma for you by grabbing your hand, you weren’t going anywhere. You sat down on the edge of the coffee table in front of him.

“What’s going on? Why does it feel so serious?” he looked over at you, he seemed almost scared so you squeezed his hand.

“Hoseok,” Minhyuk took a deep breath and exhaled, “You were in a bad accident.”

It was crushing to watch the myriad of feelings that crossed his face as Minhyuk went over all of the details of his accident, and then his recovery. He was so hurt, scared, and confused by all of it and what it meant. Tears fell down his cheeks as Minhyuk showed him pictures of his demolished car. Pictures of him bandaged and broken in the hospital bed during his coma. The stitches that had been taken out long ago and scars that were now hidden underneath the hair that had grown back. The x-rays of the plate in his leg. He squeezed your hand tightly through every step of the timeline. Finally nearing the end there were pictures of him after he’d woken up, when he was going through physical therapy. Your heart went out to Minhyuk who had retold Hoseok about his accident every single morning when he’d had panic attacks from waking up in the hospital.

“...up until a few weeks ago you’d had short term memory loss.” Minhyuk had finished telling him almost everything he needed to know. “Since it finally seems like your memory might be sticking we thought it was time to tell you what happened again.”

For the first time in almost an hour he dropped your hand. He ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh before looking over at you, “We didn’t just meet, did we?”

“We did, it just wasn’t for the first time.” you said in barely a whisper as Minhyuk handed him his old phone.

His forehead scrunched in confusion as he quietly scrolled through the photos on the phone, “Were we dating...before the accident?”

“Sort of. I’m starting to think we made it more complicated than it needed to be.”

“This was over years. We’ve been together for years.” he looked up at you expectantly. “Are we in love?”

“I think so.” you wiped a stray tear from your cheek, “We’ve never said it to each other but I think we are.”

The table vibrated as your leg bounced anxiously. You watched Hoseok scroll through the conversations on his phone. He spent a long time on the one he’d shared with you. It looked like he’d tried scrolling all the way back to the beginning of the conversation before reading it all out. He stared at the phone so long without moving the screen went black and he just kept staring. Finally he dropped the phone on the couch between him and Minhyuk. When he looked up at you his lips were trembling. You knew he was about to cry and you didn’t know what to say.

“Hoseok-” you started.

“You were so mad at me.” he said cutting you off.

“I didn’t know. I never would have said any of that if I’d known. I swear.”

He slipped down off of the couch in front of you and dropped his head in your lap. His arms wrapped around your waist and you could feel him crying. You looked at Minhyuk wide-eyed, unsure of what was happening, hoping he’d have something to offer but he only shrugged. You rubbed your hand over his back gently.

“I’m so sorry.” he mumbled into your lap.

Still confused and concerned you continued to rub his back, “Wait, why are you apologizing?”

“I hurt you so much. I’m so sorry.” he said as he cried even harder.

“Oh, Hoseok. No, it wasn’t your fault.”

He tightened his arms around you, pulling you closer. His face pressed against your stomach. “I almost lost you forever.”

You hunched over him awkwardly wrapping him up in a hug, “No, baby. You would have found me. You always find me.”

Minhyuk leaned back against the couch with a small smile on his face, “Physically, he is stronger than steel. Emotionally, a baby bunny.”

“Don’t listen to him.” You whispered against the top of Hoseok's head. He just squeezed you tighter.

~~~

“I can’t believe you cheated on me.” Hoseok said dropping his keys on the counter.

It had been a few weeks since you’d told him about the accident, and he’d been getting memories back ever since. Minhyuk and you told him all of the really big events that he’d forgotten and that seemed to open the gates as the rest of his memories came flooding back. More and more every day. Some of them were beneficial. Some of them, you were finding were just embarrassing for you, which Hoseok loved.

“What are you talking about?” you nearly shrieked, hanging up both of your coats on the rack.

He turned around and looked at you with raised eyebrows, “Don’t try and tell me you weren’t with other guys the entire year we were apart. You even told me you were going to sleep with that guy you were on a date with.”

“You remember that?” you asked surprised, “I barely even remembered Loey.”

“Too many notches on your bedpost?” he asked with a raised eyebrow and the tiniest smirk.

“Hoseok…”

“I however was not with anyone else,” he yelled dramatically throwing his arms in the air, “because I was in a coma!”

“It’s not funny.” you frowned, “If I could go back…”

“Yeooooosin.” he sang, pulling you into a hug. He kissed your neck in quick little pecks until you were laughing in his arms, “I’m just kidding.”

You ran your hands up his back and over his broad shoulders, squeezing him tight, “I don’t like that joke.”

He leaned back and kissed your forehead. “Okay, I’ll think of a new one.”

You hummed, with a purse of your lips at him and went into the living room where you plopped onto the couch and waited for your very attention needy boyfriend. When he finally arrived he was carrying wine glasses and a smile on his face.

“I also can’t believe you stuck it out with me. That must have been so hard. Why did you do it? For months and months.”

You looked over at him, accepting the wine glass, and laughed to yourself. “Isn’t it obvious? You have a really hot body and a lot of money.”

He clicked his tongue in annoyance, “Just confess that you love me.”

“Never.”

“Well I can’t until you do. So I guess we’re just at a standstill.” He pouted.

You took a quick gulp of wine before placing it on the coffee table. He came around, set his glass next to yours and stretched out on the couch, laying his head in your lap.

“I keep waiting for you to kick me out.” you said quietly, running your hand through his hair.

“Why would I ever kick you out? Why would I ever want this to end?”

“You have your memories back now. I figured it’s only a matter of time until you remember that we were never really like this before, and how you don’t really want to be couple-y with me.”

Hoseok popped up from your lap, and stared at you from the other side of the couch, “Yeah… I have my memory back, which means I remember you never wanted to be in a relationship with me.”

You scoffed at the accusation.” Hoseok, you said you didn’t want to really date because you were so busy with work all the time and you felt it would be unfair.”

“I only ever said that because you always told me not to get confused about what we were doing with each other.”

“Hoseok!” you practically screamed, eyes wide in shock, “I said that because I wanted you to think I was still just a chill, down girl, like I was when we met. Then, I don’t know, you made me want more. I didn’t want to scare you off with all my feelings or by being too clingy!”

“Y/n! Are you kidding me?” he screamed back in frustration.

You watched as he jumped from the couch and stormed out of the living room. As you waited you stood up, this felt like a fight and you felt too vulnerable sitting down.

He stomped back into the room with a low growl, and a small black box in his hand. “I have been in love with you forever, you idiot. I just kept waiting for you to finally get to where I was so I could tell you. Waiting for you to love me back so I could give you this!”

Your eyes went wide and your body tensed as he went to open the box but you relaxed at the sight of the brand new silver key. “Is that a house key?!”

“Yes! I love you and I want you to live with me!” you’d yelled at him so he felt it was only appropriate to yell back.

“What the hell? I’ve loved you for so long! You thought I would just hang out here for months when you didn’t even know who I was because I just wanted to be fuck buddies again?!”

“No!” he shouted, albeit confused, “Why are we yelling!”

You threw your hands up, “I don’t know!”

“You started it!”

“Yeah, because I love you!”

“Well I love you too!” he yelled one last time and then smiled, “...so come here and kiss me already.”

He closed the box with the key and tossed it onto the table as you moved towards him, throwing your arms around his shoulders and meeting his lips with yours.

You smiled against the kiss and mumbled, “You’re so stupid.”

“And yet you’re the one who loves me.” he mumbled back. He sat back down on the couch, taking you with him. Your knees landed on either side of him as you sat on his lap, and leaned into the kiss. He let the kiss go on for some time before pulling away, “I love you, seriously. Be my girlfriend?”

“I was already your girlfriend.” you laughed, moving back into the kiss.

He pulled away again and you groaned, “And move in with me?”

“Obviously! Yes.” you landed the smallest kiss on his lips before he pulled away again, “Jesus! What?”

“Marry me?” he grinned.

Your eyes blew wide and you slapped his shoulder, “Hoseok!”

“Yeah, you’re right, too soon. We should date for awhile. Maybe move your stuff in first, and then I’ll try again.” he reasoned.

He caught your eyes with his and you knew he was playing his game, his battle of the wills. His face mostly neutral except for the pout that accentuated his lips and the clear amusement that glistened in his eyes as he waited for you to crumble.

Dragging your teeth across your bottom lip you grinned, “Ask me again then. When I’m all moved in, and we’re laying in our bed. I’ll have my head on your chest and you’ll be doing that thing where you drag your fingertips over my back. Ask me like that.”

His eyes scanned yours for a long while after you’d stopped talking as he tried to figure out if you were serious. Then, as if he’d been replaying the words over in his head until he finally believed them, he turned his face away. Breaking contact because the joy he’d felt looking at you had become too overwhelming.

With a small laugh you leaned forward and kissed his exposed neck before resting your head on his shoulder. “I win.”

He hummed in agreement, “Yeah, but I win too.”

#Wonho scenario #Wonho smut #Monsta x scenario #Monsta x smut #Kpop scenario #Kpop smut #Happy Birthday Sara!#Did you even like this?#Thats all I care about is that you like it #sooo.. god I hope you like it.#It's so much

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