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clintbartonswife · 6 months

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i loved you like the sun

Pairings: remus lupin/sirius black Summary: remus centric fic on his history, reunification and future with sirius. Whumptober prompt #27 : scars / 'let me see' Whumptober prompt #30 : borrowed clothing Notes: descriptions of malnutrition and body mutilation (hello lycanthropy!), post-POA masterlist || whumptober2023 || part two (coming soon)

Remus' heart clenched as he traced the ink lines of the marauder's map. If he closed his eyes and focused on the feeling of the parchment in his hands, he could almost hear James' laugh, Peter asking what was so funny as Sirius whispered sweet nothings in his ear -

He broke that line of thought with a scoff, rubbing his hands over his face. He had run out of tears long ago, instead left with a deep well of bitterness. The best part of his life had been shattered in one night. His best friends murdered, childhood stolen and love of his life arrested as their killer.

Remus had never believed he deserved good things. The marauders had taught him otherwise, surrounding him with blind acceptance and joy. Just as he finally started to believe in his worth, it had all come crumbling down. He was left alone, the way he always knew he was going to be.

Nothing lasts forever.

Movement in the grounds caught his eye. That was unusual, especially considering the late hour and school-wide curfew. Frowning, he took a closer look, blood running cold.

Without a second thought, he tugged on his coat and began running.

The whomping willow whipped around in a frenzy, freezing as Remus hit the notch with an immobulus charm. His feet followed the path that he had walked for years, remembering every dip and turn.

His legs weakened as he raced up the steps in the shack, heart threatening to beat out of his chest. He could hear voices faintly through the door, paying them no mind as he crashed into the room.

"Professor Lupin!"

The exclamations from the children flew over his head, eyes set on the crumpled man on the floor.

He was practically wasted away, swamped by black rags that made his pale skin look practically translucent. Even from his place in the doorway Remus could see his veins, entwining with each other like vines under his skin.

Sirius finally turned to him, connecting their eyes. Years of hate, regret, love and pain rushed back through him, overwhelming in their intensity. In that moment, staring into his storm-grey eyes, he knew: Sirius was innocent.

The urge to kiss him was overwhelming, but it was neither the time nor the place. Instead, he spoke.

"Looking a bit ragged, aren't we, Sirius? Finally the skin reflects the madness within."

Sirius' face, which had before looked frightened, lit up with a toothy grin. "You'd know all about the madness within, wouldn't you, Remus?"

Relief spread through him, stepping forwards and helping Sirius to his feet. He hesitated once more, before pulling him into an embrace.

The smaller man melted in to him, body sharp and frail. Remus' heart swelled, cheek against Sirius' temple as breathed words escaped him, "You're as beautiful as the day I lost you."

If only for a moment, everything was okay.

Of course, nothing in Remus' life could stay normal for long. Snape came storming in, Pettigrew escaped, his secret was revealed and Sirius was sentenced to death. He was left to once again pick up the pieces, hiding his grief from those around him.

------

He retreated; resigning from his position at Hogwarts and running away from society once more.

His cottage was his solace, surrounded by thick woods with a boundary enchanted to contain his movements during the full moon. The building was small but cosy, books lining practically every wall.

He had inherited it from his grandfather on his mother's side, located just outside of Powys in Wales. It was the perfect escape, granted to him at the height of the war.

He sighed, tugging on his jumper as he limped towards the kitchenette, fresh scars throbbing with a vengeance. Some sick part of him was glad for the pain, deigning it a punishment for letting the kids down, for letting Sirius down.

A knock on the door resounded through the cottage, Remus flinching at the sudden noise. His fist clenched around the wand in his pocket, instantly on guard.

The knock sounded again, this time followed by a voice.

"Moony, open the door I'm freezing my balls off out here."

His breath caught in his chest, rushing across the room and swinging the door wide open.

Sirius offered a sheepish smile, eyes tired. "Surprise?"

Remus' blinked. "You're here - how... how are you here?"

"Dumbledore may have mentioned a certain hidden cottage that you owned - hope you don't mind but I have brought company."

Remus finally tore his eyes from Sirius, registering the hippogriff lying on the grass behind him. "Uhh -"

"That's Buckbeak. She's a friend."

"Right. Does she... need anything?"

"Nah she's a tough girl - we're both outlaws. Running from the ministry... y'know. Tough stuff."

Remus felt a smile tugging at his lips, "Sounds very... dashing."

"What can I say. Once a rebel, always a rebel. If Minnie could see me now -"

"She still wouldn't agree to dance with you, that's for sure."

Sirius opened his mouth in mock-horror. "Now that's just low."

"Sorry, sorry." Shaking his head fondly, Remus stepped aside, gesturing for the shorter man to come into the cottage. "Welcome to my home."

He took in his surroundings, expression unreadable as the door closed firmly behind him. After what seemed like an age, a smile cracked across his face.

"It's very you."

Remus let out a laugh, "Oh really?"

"I mean - come on, Moony. It's a bookstore in here! And you got your cobblestone fireplace... it's just like..." Sirius cleared his throat, smile dropping slightly, "Like the home we talked about."

Remus dipped his head, cheeks pinkening. "It's not as big as you wanted... or near London. I tried to make the kitchen the way you wanted, but I -"

"You remember."

"So do you."

"Memories. They were all that kept me going."

Remus reached out slowly, allowing Sirius the time to move away if he wanted to. He didn't. Hand slightly trembling, he entwined their fingers, thumb rubbing over Sirius' cold hand.

The apology sat on the tip of his tongue, though he found himself unable to speak. Sirius seemed to understand, lightly squeezing his hand in response.

"So," he said, attempting to lighten the mood, "I don't know about you, but I'm sick of these robes - got anything I can borrow?"

Snapping out of it, Remus finally met his eyes, "Of course. You can have your pick. I doubt you'd be here for more than a day without stealing all my jumpers anyway."

Sirius grinned, walking deeper into the house, "They look better on me."

"Yes they do." Remus breathed, before raising his voice. "The bedroom's other way!"

"I knew that!"

-----

The two of them fell into a routine, comfortable enough, but the tension of unspoken words still hung heavily in the space between them.

Sirius was slowly getting better, regaining more and more of his old spark every day. There were still times when he would get very quiet, sitting in the corner of the front room and staring out of the window, eyes glazed over with memories. Remus would simply brew him a cup of tea, setting it down on the table beside him and gently coaxing him back to the real world with careful touches and hesitant smiles.

He would return the favour by helping Remus on the days when his joints were agitated, brewing simple drafts to help with the pain.

Some nights, when Sirius woke up in a cold sweat, he would curl up at the end of Remus' bed in his dog form. It didn't take long for this to become the norm, the sofa-bed disassembled and Sirius' few items moved into the spare drawers in the bedroom.

It didn't take long for Sirius to catch him half-dressed, eyes silently tracking the new array of scars that covered his torso.

"Let me see." He had said, voice hoarse.

Remus simply let his arms fall to his sides, closing his eyes as hesitant fingers traced over irritated skin.

The moment was suffocatingly intimate, an echo of nights long gone by. It was over far too soon, Sirius letting out an unhappy noise and retreating, transforming into Padfoot and waiting for Remus to get into bed.

"They're just scars," Remus had murmured, blinking sleepily as he finally tugged his tshirt over his head. "Nothing new."

Padfoot huffed.

-----

Writing letters to Harry seemed to help. Sirius would light up every time he received a response, reading them aloud with glee, feet resting on Remus' lap. If he tried hard enough, as he listened he could imagine that everything was normal. That Harry was writing from his bedroom in Godric's Hollow, asking when Uncle Pads and Moony were next visiting as James and Lily laughed downstairs.

The dream always quickly dissipated, replaced with the ever-present weight in his chest.

"I'm glad he's doing okay," Remus said, "Well... as well as you can be when staying with the Dursley's."

"Right?" Sirius exploded, "Petunia was always walking around as if she owned the Earth."

"Her husband's not any better. Do you remember that summer when we helped Lily move out of her parent's house and he called James a slur?"

"I would've punched him if Lily hadn't got to him first." Sirius paused for a moment, shaking his head as the anger built within him. "Miserable bastards didn't even come to their wedding, why the fuck were they given Harry?"

Remus felt a hot poker of shame shoved down his throat. "They wouldn't - You were his godfather, so I thought.. but I was ruled unable to take care of him."

"Rem -"

Shoulders hunching, he wiggled out from underneath Sirius' legs, retreating to the kitchen. The other man followed him.

"Everyone was either dead or gone. Mary... she wanted to be left alone, and I was too tired to even fight their decision. They - they made valid points."

"Moony -"

"They said I was a danger to him."

"You would never hurt Harry -"

"But I almost did! If you weren't there that night, I could've killed them."

Sirius grabbed Remus by the chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. "You are not the wolf. You are Remus. My Remus. One of the most loving, caring people I've ever known. A good man."

His next words were all but punched out of him. "Time changes everything."

Sirius' face hardened. "Not us. Not in any way that matters."

Remus let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding, and desperately searched the stormy eyes in front of him. "Do you mean that?"

"Yes."

Remus stepped closer to Sirius, hands coming to rest on his hips and thumbs hooking through his belt hoops. "Are you sure?"

Sirius' next response was breathier, his eyes focusing on Remus' lips with the desperation of a parched man staring into a stream. "Yes."

Permission granted, Remus leant in, lips slotting together like puzzle pieces. It felt like coming home, time apart meaningless as their bodies fell back in to the ease of melding together. Sirius' hands moved up into the taller man's hair, pulling a pleased groan from him as their bodies pressed together.

Sirius broke away from the embrace, resting his forehead against Remus' chest as tears wetted the grey t-shirt. The taller man instantly moved to calm him, stroking through his hair as he murmured reassuring words against the soft flesh of his temple.

"I missed you so much."

The whisper was almost unheard, a mournful admission spoken from the heart. All Remus could do was hold him tighter, as if he could protect him from the horrors of the world, and reassure him over and over again that no matter what happened he would never leave his side again.

The problem with promises of that magnitude is that they are incredibly hard to keep.

#whumptober 2023 #sirius black x remus lupin #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #whump #fanfiction #spot the httyd reference lmao #fluff #domestic wolfstar #padfoot #moony

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solangelo-is-godsdam-kjut · 1 year

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tw: sh

We know what can happen if your tortured too long with crucio. We've seen what happend to Alice and Frank. and you're telling me, the only mental problems Sirius had where his attachment, some self hate and some depression? Nah.

my poor boy is mentally completely broken. Sirius is bipolar with a lot of deep lows, has ptsd, night terrors, a problem with sh and is hypersexual because being with someone gives him the feeling of being wanted.

don't imgine young Sirius accidentally hurting himself when picking up a broken glass after his mother tortured him and the pain matching his inner one so he started to switch from hitting himself during mental breakdowns to cutting himself whenever he couldn't handle things anymore.

don't imagine young Sirius trying to figure out a placement for his cuts because if his parents found out he'd be dead and also waht if Reg saw them and thought it would be a good idea?

don't imgine Sirius coming back to their dorm after having sex with some random person and locking himself into the bathroom only to break down crying. becuse merlin, he hates himself so much and he just has sex to feel better but it only makes him feel worse because he doesn't actually want to.

don't imagine Sirius finally starting to open up to James after another sexual encounter. he doesn't want to. but he started to trust him and he forgot to lock the door of the bathroom and James came in, worrying about Sirius and comforting him. first he only tells James why he sleeps around so much.

don't imagine James onyly finding out about the self harm because Sirius cut deeper than usual and is scared and doesn't know anyone else to turn to. it's way past midnight and at this point James is his anker, so when he realises what he did and gets scared, he frantically wakes up James, crying and with blood running down his arms. scared that James will tell him he is insane and disgusting because of how broken he is but even more scared for his life.

don't imagine Sirius and Remus starting to date and Sirius being scared of how Remus will react to his own scars, because how fucked up do you have to be, to do that to yourself? especially in comparison to Remus, whose scars stem from something so traumatic as a werewolf transformation?

don't imagine Sirius waking up from a night mare or just going to bed after a ptsd episode and deciding to sleep as a dog because it is a body no one ever laid a finger on. Walburga never tortured him in that form.

wahtever you do, don't imagine Sirius going through all of that.

#sirius black #the noble and most ancient house of black #sirius black whump #sirius orion black #sirius and regulus #james potter #sirius and james #sirius x remus #wolfstar #marauders #poor baby sirius #i hurt myself writing this

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stabbynunchuckss · 1 year

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Writing fanfiction about a new character be like

🎶FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER🎶

🎶LET ME FIX THIS BROKEN MAN🎶

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reid-whump · 1 year

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If y’all like my fanfic, u can give me requests for one shots to write <3

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violetthistle1 · 2 months

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“Did my parents know?” Harry asked.

Remus struggled to find context to the abrupt question. “Know what?”

“That you and Sirius were together?” Harry asked sheepishly.

“Yes, they did.” Remus smiled. “James was completely oblivious to the whole thing for the longest time. We finally told him in the seventh year. Once he finally knew, he was a consummate ally. I think he did a lot behind our backs to make sure our other classmates were supportive. Lily, on the other hand, figured it out herself. And by ‘figured it out’ I mean walked in on us—" Remus cut off as he realized what he was saying and who he was saying it to. He coughed before continuing. “—on a chaste walk holding hands.”

Harry laughed.

****

Dignity be Damned, chapter 34: Rest, More or Less, excerpt (4)

Completed fic is available on Ao3 now!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50555698/chapters/133261858

#wolfstar #fanfic #remus lupin/sirius black #harry potter #marauders #found family #cannon divergence #learning to trust again #chronic pain in fanfic #whump #wolfstar raising harry #dignity be damned

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souptastical · 3 days

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updated graphic for the next chap in the oneshot collection of my 3 year long series "Stepping Stones". This can sorta be read as a standalone, but little snippets of the series do live within it.

♡Oneshot link

♡Entire Series

"With that pride though, came the concern in what was shown in Draco’s transparency. His soul now finally untethered to hiding the sweet and kind part his parents likely tried to kill, Severus saw both intense pain amongst his kindness for others. Something was tearing at him, and though he didn’t shed light on it, Severus could tell it wasn’t just the chaos Harry continuously went through. It was something embedded; something that radiated the work of Lucius Malfoy’s intense wishes to raise a pureblood child of the dark arts. Draco was hiding something, just like Harry had been. And like Draco had been taught to do, he hid what he felt and he hid what he thought; Severus found no amount of stern guidance in opening up or attempts at comfort in assuring him he understood first hand seemed to be able to change that."

#harry potter fic #harry potter au #drarry #draco malfoy #draco malfoy fanart #severus snape #severus snape fic #wolfstar #wolfstar fic #wolfstar au #drarry au #whumpblr #whump prompt #whump tropes #harry potter whump #whump

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thistuesdaynight · 7 months

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Apologies

Sirius Black whump bc happy whumptober! 😃 (581 words)

tw: self inflicted injuries, angst, cannon compliant

Sirius thumped his forehead against the wall, once, twice, three times as he scratched his nail down the dark stone. It left behind a light gray mark, but he went over it again and again until it was more visible. Until he drew blood as the nail separated from his nail bed.

He had to make his lines. He had to count. He had to know how much time had passed.

Thump. Thump. Thump. His head against the stone just to remind himself he was still there.

Sirius was consumed with breaths and numbers and rhythms. Anything that he could count on to document the passage of time. Sirius felt frozen in here, suspended in the void. Although that couldn't be true, because his hair was much longer, and he'd even grown a bit of a beard.

It had always been so hard for him to maintain any facial hair. The only time he'd managed it was with a spell in 6th year that they'd needed as a disguise for one of their pranks, but it had worn off after a couple of hours. But this one was real! It even got all scratchy sometimes!

Wait until James sees, Sirius thought to himself. He'll be so impressed.

Sirius' hands curled against the stone as a wave of crushing despair came over him. Why did that thought hurt so much? His fingernails bent backwards, some of them breaking, but it was nothing compared to the roiling in his stomach.

James was his best mate. Why would that make him sad? He loved James.

He missed him too. He missed him like he missed seeing the sun. They'd put him in a room with no windows, so he counted days in breaths and talked to his drawing of the sun during what he imagined was daytime and talked to his drawing of the moon during what he imagined was night time.

James and Remus.

Prongs and Moony.

His two best mates. He used to have another one, but he didn't like to think about that one. The one that had landed him here. The one that... the one that made James...

Sirius curled over onto himself, pain and confusion slicing through him. He looked up to the moon, his crude, wobbly drawing on the wall in the dim light.

"Moony?" Sirius rasped. "Moony, James is alright, right? He's okay. He's..."

Sirius crumpled forward again, dry heaving because there was nothing in his stomach. Why did the thoughts of his friends make him sick? He loved his friends. He missed them. He wished they were here now.

Sirius wobbled to his feet, banging on the stone.

"Moony! Prongs! Where are you?"

And Wormtail. Didn't he like wormtail too?

Just then, a door appeared on the wall across from him. Sirius cowered in the corner and in floated a cloaked figure.

Was he back in Grimmauld Place? He knew better than to shout. Walburga didn't like shouting.

"I'm sorry, Maman," Sirius whispered into his knees. "I'm sorry." He didn't raise his head. Walburga took direct eye contact as a challenge.

But his apologies went un answered. The figure hovered ever closer, until he went cold all over and his teeth began to chatter. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he rocked back and forth.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. James, I'm sorry, I..."

Sirius wasn't even sure what he was apologizing for as he was swallowed in to darkness once more.

#of course i return to tumblr w some whump #what happened to hello how are you #whumptober 2023 #marauders #sirius black #james potter #remus lupin #dead gay wizards #whump whump whump #whump #angst #marauders fanfiction #tuesdaywrites #wolfstar #prongsfoot

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headcanonhasfired · 1 year

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Anyone have fic recs for post-transformation Remus Lupin whump or h/c? Especially older Remus?

I wanna see this sad sick naked monster man curled up in the fetal position just trying to recall his humanity. And if someone swoops in and tends his wounds and tells him he’s a good man? Golden.

#fic rec #Remus Lupin #wolfstar #hurt/comfort #whump #yeah obviously i'm also gonna write this myself #but

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whackmewithwhump · 2 years

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Because I’m a sucker for the bad boy/class clown/troublemaker character utterly suffering, I am once again thinking about Sirius Black and his infinite whump potential. Everyone loves to make Remus suffer, myself included ofc, I’m not one to pass up a werewolf opportunity but something about Sirius is just *chef’s kiss*.

(tw: mention of familial abuse, physical and emotional, as well as alcohol)

I think it’s the fact that the canon information we have about him leaves so much room for the mind to wander. I imagine him at Grimmauld Place in the summer, either getting injured in altercations at home, likely with his mother, and taking the floo as an escape to James’ or Remus’. Especially if he goes to Moony, chances are he’d be embarrassed and ashamed to be in such a vulnerable state, and Remus would reassure him that after all the full moons he helped him get through he was happy to return the favour.

I imagine him showing up absolutely pissed, unsure of how to cope with his situation in a more productive way than drinking. I think about him falling ill at home, but he’s not fucking going to his mum about it, and Kreacher isn’t the most helpful, so he has to sheepishly enlist a friend to help him. Maybe he brushes it off to the point that they’ve got to make a stop at St. Mungo’s.

I imagine the time where James has finally had enough and wants him to move in, but they need to get some of his belongings from Grimmauld Place before the move, and they go on a stealth mission to sneak in and out of the house undetected. I want Remus to join them and fall even more in love with Sirius when he sees his bedroom, with hot muggle girls plastered to the wall, gryffindor garb strewn proudly about the place both to stick it to his family but also to try to feel at home in that place.

I want to see Sirius both craving intimacy and closeness but being guarded and unable to relax at first. Being touch starved for his childhood makes it difficult but there is still a deep longing to have comfort of being near someone. Perhaps spending time as Padfoot helps with him overcoming this.

All of these issues would be so compounded post Azkaban, and new ones would surely arise. I want a more in depth perspective of trying to navigate his emotions after being stuck in that place. I want to see how he manages on the run and in hiding after his body was ravaged in prison. I want Remus’ heart to break when he sees what his friend has been reduced to, and for Sirius to be crushed with guilt and responsibility that Remus had to go through all those moons completely and utterly alone, believing to have been betrayed by his closest friend which resulted in the seeming demise of his other two.

I want him to feel lost in the world, lacking an identity, being snatched away at such a young age, and being both emotionally stunted and feeling exceedingly old and weathered at the same time. I want him to be fragile, physically and mentally, susceptible to injury and illness, especially sleeping in caves and eating rats. I want all of the angst and the pain and the comfort and the wholesomeness that could come with properly exploring his character’s story.

If Harry Potter squicks you out now (valid, fuck Joanne) replace these characters with your favs, anywho, damn I do love taking the hollow bones the canon gives us and filling it out with my own thoughts

#whump #sirius black #remus lupin #hurt and care #hurt and comfort #emotional h/c #harry potter whump #harry potter #wolfstar #sickfic #angst

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