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tell me what it's like to be afraid.

is it the feeling of pain that soars from your stomach and turns to bile in your throat? perhaps its the feeling i get when im away from my home. is what you fear something you cannot control? or is fear just a feeling that people leave alone?

i do not ask because i dont feel it.

i ask because im drowning in it

and i wonder is what i fear the only feeling that i know?

- jessi

#thoughts #quotes #spilled ink #words of mine #blurbs #book ill never write #my words #pretty words #writing #prose

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dear matthew, must you rhyme to write poetry?

my best friend was matthew.

the problem is that i didn't know it.

i told him how i loved him

but i didn't really show it.

he got me in a lot of trouble.

cause we would hug in the hallway.

then one day he stopped.

i didnt even get a say.

he used to steal my juice.

i would snatch it right back.

i dont know why hed do it.

but he was starting to crack.

ill let you have my juice.

please come home.

we can hug and let loose.

id do anything for you.

dear mathew i must ask, must you be here for me to love you?

must i rhyme to write poetry?

- jessi

#thoughts #spilled ink #words of mine #blurbs #book ill never write #my words #pretty words #writing #prose #poetsandwriters #depressing poem #poetry #original poem

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please tell me, do you love me?

that depends- as you wrote this message did you pull your lips between your teeth? did your heart soar out of your chest and insist you press send? has it continued to beat on forward in anticipation of my reply?

if so then yes- i love you. this is my completely honest reply. i would like to slot my lips between your teeth and if my hand happens to graze your own, it was purely on instinct. as a matter of fact that instinct popped out of my chest and will force me to do these acts over and over again.

however first i must know- did you bite your lip until it bled? did your heart burrow deep into your stomach with dread as you hit send? did it do laps inside to make you naseous with the onciming dread?

if so then no- that's as honest as i can get. my lips tremble with words they will refuse to speak. the blood from my heart will pump straight to my cheeks and tell the story i cannot. my stomach will go empty, already full of something it can't regurgitate.

please tell me, do your lips bleed?

- jessi

#thoughts #spilled ink #words of mine #blurbs #book ill never write #my words #pretty words #writing

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i do not love you.

i know this for a fact. if i loved you, i would love you the best. every love song would scream your name. i would be patient and kind. you would never have to hold your tongue in fear of my presence. i would never boast or envy. my presence would be one that was unwaveringly yours but only as long as you wanted it. every wrong youve done would be set aside in to the chasm of reasons i love you.

i do not love you.

the songs that scream your name have voices but no lyrics. i am not patient or kind. i want to hold your lips between my teeth so that they may never speak of leaving again. i boast of myself because i envy those you might love above me. i want to scream out the reasons that i am not a choice. every wrong you speak is thrusted into my gut as i sing out the cries that come from inside, please don't leave.

i do not love you.

i need you.

- jessi

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i hope that dying feels like flying.

i hope my parents don't expect anything of me in the afterlife.

i hope that god doesn't look down on me in dissapointment.

i hope that the weight of my body doesnt make me fall under the crust of the earth.

i hope that if it does, satan doesn't think im lazy.

i hope that dying feels like flying.

nothing in between.

nothing above.

nothing below.

no pressure.

- jessi

#thoughts #quotes #spilled ink #words of mine #blurbs #book ill never write #my words #pretty words #writing

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how could you understand the way i feel? the way i feel is so unique that the knife that created the scar is still buried underneath the skin and is pouring out.

- jessi

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you are the boogeyman.

you are the monster in the closet. you are the shadow under the bed. you are the figure standing through the door cracks. you are the ghost living in the abandoned house. you are the murderer in every bad dream.

you pull me back when i run away and cut deeper the longer i stay. before i wake up or go to sleep i show them your presence still lingering on my back. they know who you are but continue to tell me you aren't there.

i still feel you.

you are the boogeyman.

-jessi

#thoughts #quotes #spilled ink #words of mine #blurbs #book ill never write #my words #pretty words #writing #prose

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i wasnt even there yet i visit your death every night in my dreams. be honest, do you curse me because i make the memories less lonely or as punishment for my absence?

-jessi

#thoughts #quotes #spilled ink #words of mine #blurbs #book ill never write #my words #pretty words #writing

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why is it that the more our heart beats, the more afraid we are of dying?

-jessi

#thoughts #quotes #spilled ink #words of mine #blurbs #book ill never write #my words #pretty words #prose #writing

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is life the breath we breathe in or the exhale we leave behind?

-jessi

#thoughts #quotes #spilled ink #words of mine #blurbs #book ill never write #my words #pretty words #writing

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it's not that i dont care but that i care so much the words refuse to leave the sanctuary that has been created in my mind. what if they are not as loved with you as in their home where you rest?

- jessi

#thoughts #quotes #spilled ink #words of mine #book ill never write #blurbs #my words #pretty words #prose #writing

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there's nothing quite like forgetting how to breathe.

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whenever i was a kid my mother always accused me of hating her. i never understood it. i wasnt the kind of kid to talk back or slam doors, but my mother was. maybe she was scared cause she hated herself. maybe she could see it in my eyes.

- jessi

#thoughts #quotes #words of mine #spilled ink #book ill never write #writing #blurbs

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whenever i look into her eyes, i often feel like she only knows half of me. the other half is trapped in my memories. im afraid her love will be tainted with pity when i open them.

- jessi

#spilled ink #prose #thoughts #book ill never write #quotes #writing

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to love so deeply is a plunge through the heart. the blood fills your lungs and spills all over those around you. you forget to save some for yourself.

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#spilled ink #short prose #prose #my thoughts #my words #quotes #thoughts

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i've been pouring out all over your grave.

my salt streams along your maroon waves.

i wish that I could go back in time.

will saving your life bring back mine?

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#poetry #thoughts #depressing poem #free verse #words of mine

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if my father made me evil, is it my mother that made me weak?

#quotes #words of mine #pretty words #blurbs #thoughts #feelings