agentnorthdakota

[agentnorthdakota]

Whenever I see an Ivan Aivazovski painting the sea monster in me goes absolutely feral

#good art #painting

[agentnorthdakota]

My new bread pans make the most... Symmetrical loaves & they scare me kinda

#bread

[agentnorthdakota]

Hi, Mass Effect Legendary Edition is on sale for SIX DOLLARS.

That's all three games, almost all the DLCs (rip, Pinnacle Station) including weapon and armor packs, for six goddamn dollars.

#I've never played them but sharing this for those who may be interested #Mass Effect

[agentnorthdakota]

'Rainbow pool' at Congaree National Park - result of decaying vegetation, especially cypress cones and needles, that release their natural oils

#nature #photography #inspiration #gift ideas

[agentnorthdakota]

-despite everything, there is still love

@arthoesunshine/ @artsheila/ @daisies-on-a-cup/ @gayarsonist / @hjarta/ @yunawinter on twitter/ @bakwaaas/ @death-born-aphrodite/ anon on gentleearth/ @classicnymph on twitter

#quote #positive vibes

[agentnorthdakota]

#me @ my friends #argot jargon

[agentnorthdakota]

I hate how absolutely wretched I feel anytime anything comes up with Rowan. I don’t think I’ll ever get it out of my head how my mom and sister once said I should give him back to the shelter and I don’t take good care of him. It haunts me, and anytime Anything comes up with him now, there’s always that fear that that’s still how they feel/think, and they’re going to throw that threat at me again.

I try and reassure myself that a lot of people have dogs with behaviour issues, I think especially because dogs didn’t get much socialization during COVID. Like I know my supervisor also has a reactive dog. I know one of my DnD friends has two dogs, and one of them has bit the other and drawn blood multiple times, because he gets overexcited or the like, but it’s never intentional.

And I give those people slack, and understanding. Sometimes it’s really hard to raise a dog right, especially rescues with bad pasts. I give those people slack, but it feels so impossible to give it to myself, because the only people I have in my life irl who know Rowan, are so harsh and haven’t given me the kind of empathy I give to other people.

I think it scares me so, so much. If I had to think of things that people could say that could hurt me the most, that it would include them saying I don’t deserve to have Rowan and don’t treat him right and don’t deserve to keep him. (And all of this is so much extra painful because it happened around the same time as them treating me like shit when I was suicidal)

I just. I wish I had people irl that know dogs, and could see me with Rowan, and reassure me that I’m not a terrible, wretched person who doesn’t deserve to have him. But I Don’t have anyone like that irl. And god I’ve felt so alone and isolated lately. But I don’t want to always be putting my shit on the shoulders of one person.

I feel like I’m at such a fucking impasse. And having anxiety attacks, and it’s so hard to break out of them because I don’t feel like I deserve to feel better.

#random babblings #personal #guess who feels like shit. it’s me. #brief context: Rowan has been limping a bit #I already took him to the vet and it seems like a muscle/tendon/ligament/something issue but can’t confirm #and it’s not getting better as much as I’d hoped

[agentnorthdakota]

hugs 🦁

#good art

[agentnorthdakota]

please be nice to me unless youre being mean in a hot way

[agentnorthdakota]

Can life Not throw a bunch of stressful things at me at once

goodbye any chance at feeling relaxed or at ease

#random babblings #personal

[agentnorthdakota]

#story #tsunami

[agentnorthdakota]

#cute animals #cat

[agentnorthdakota]

favorite ship dynamic moodboard

#‘’You wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid’’ is permanently etched in my brain #trope #good shit

[agentnorthdakota]

ok i’m curious

#purple! 💜 #which I originally started using ‘cause I wanted to use something not-red and there’s purple on the nonbinary flag #anywho now it seems to spread through my DnD discord servers like a disease lol #however I do use <3 when I can. alas many platforms automatically change it to the emoji tho #poll

[agentnorthdakota]

My one friend group can't stop saying, "See you in hell!" in a cheerful voice instead of, "Talk to you later!" and my other friend group can't stop calling things "penis" instead of "cool" or "good", so I just unironically uttered the phrase, "Sounds penis, see you in hell," as I got off the phone.

#argot jargon

[agentnorthdakota]

i just saw someone describe a disabled person as "someone with beautiful abilities" i cannot do this anymore

#important

[agentnorthdakota]

#cute animals #cat #video