dona-atramento-blog

[dona-atramento-blog]

Manuscripts....

Fact of my life:

Even if I do write a manuscript, there's no one who'll proof read it.

Why???

The lack of a constant in my life.

Yes I am deoerate enough to find one so go ahead treat me like a nuisance while I treat the way no one ever treated you.

The manuscript of my life is a mess because there's no one to proof read it.

[dona-atramento-blog]

Escape......

Ever heard keenly to the crashing of sea waves? The breeze touching your face, splaying your hair in a haywire and the water washing sand to your feet..... Ever noticed that eerie silence in your heads? You don't think anything. It seems as if your mind has come to a rest and even though you want to think nothing comes to your mind and you just want to dissolve into that moment, stay like this forever..... I found this eerie silence with a handful of people in my life, all of them turning into a void, leaving a gaping hole. I direly need an escape when my life is trying to drag me down in every possible way, winning sometimes, losing in other. Not my first time though, when sleep was my only escape and pillow my best friend- soaking but patient. The only another escape present is not a permanent one. Not a constant. All my life had a handful of constants who left me in the midst of chaos and a gaping void which can never be refilled. Is it too much to ask for one, just one person who'll always be there for me no matter what I've done, wherever I am?? Is it ways gonna be like this???

[dona-atramento-blog]

Demons from the Outside

We all know about our inner demons and we all deal with it every day in our own ways. I do too. A long and useless story but not very useless for me, and I that’s the same for everyone. Have you ever thought about those demons that we hang out with every day????? We know they are demons and that they’re going to inflict negatively on our lives, but still we choose to be with them every single day. By now I’m pretty sure you must be thinking about that particular person who matches this description in your lives. Have you ever thought why we do what we do?? I never did until one week ago.

I have been with these demons every point of my life, each having a negative impact on me, making me what I am today. I again found those humans disguised as demons and am hanging out with them, and every time afraid that they’ll leave me alone. I still am in the shadow of this fear. I don’t know when I’m going to live out this fear but I sure do know that I’m going to take my first step to come out of this on Monday. It’s going to be a long way and it’s going to become lonely, and mark my words very very lonely. But people have left me alone and I’m still alone then what should I be afraid of? I’ll do this and from then those demons cannot sway me away.

I know you must be thinking that you wouldn’t know whether I kept my words or not and you’re right, you would not know. But if you’re reading this, even a part of you wants to believe that I kept my words because I assure you I do keep my words. And the day you’re convinced you may try to cast these demons out of your lives too. Mark my words I haven’t tried it yet but I’m sure it’s going to be worth a try.

#my writing #writers on tumblr #writers #demons #me #writeaway #my words

[dona-atramento-blog]

Novels comes with butterflies...

So you know that time when a someone gifts you 2-3 mere novels (mind you novels are not mere at all) and in return asks you to give away all your insecurities, yes this bargain took place last night with me and trust me my heart might have burst out of my chest and damn those butterflies just doubled their population in my abdomen…..  

#my writing #writers #writers on tumblr #writingeveryday #feelings

[dona-atramento-blog]

Walking towards me with that freshly brewed aroma of coffee around you, suddenly turned your musky smell of freshly cut grass into one that a barista holds. I denied any coffee from you since that day convincing you of the fact that i don’t like the beans anymore and u complied.Little did you know i still have my heaven of beans but not with you as it washes away that warm welcoming smell of yours which i crave for every second of everyday, that holds the magical power of making me forget my entire day, my new refuge. 

[dona-atramento-blog]

World and A

You know that moment when you feel like the world closing in on you and you can’t seem to find a way out, so you turn to yourself, seeking comfort from within. How about when you yourself starts cursing you....cursing you about all the moments in your life - when you let that opportunity slip or when you fought with your best friend even if that person was right in every way or when you hurt the people who wanted to stand by you.....every possible mistake that you could have possibly made is reminded to you and you start cursing yourself. You feel like there is nothing that could you bring back from that dark hole of guilt and nothingness.

I have been there for exactly 3 years. But a person stumbled across the threshold of my life with all the liveliness and stupidity that anyone can muster and decided to cleanse the black clouds of my guilt. Fought the person(let’s call that person A) with all my might, telling A that you are not required here and that it has become a part of me. But A decided to stay put like i was a challenge that A needs to overcome. So A decided to befriend me which worked pretty well. For the next stage A decided to ask me out on a date which went well. We grew pretty close and A fell in love with the most depressing person one can find that is me. I reciprocated the feelings and we are together since then. A helps me all the time in my lows and i will ever be so grateful for A’s presence in my life.

What A doesn’t know is that i have had a crush on A 3 years before it all started.So A if you are reading this, know that you had caught my eye since you did not even knew presence around you. Happy Birthday A!!!!

#my writing #blog #blogger #writers on tumblr #writers #writeaway

[dona-atramento-blog]

The tree of our existence

Ever looked at a big full tree? I wonder if it knows every single leaf that are on each of its branches and sometimes I know it does not care about most of them. But it does remember each of them because it provides minerals and water to each and every leaf of its own without any second thoughts in equal amounts. Every time a leaf falls in the season of autumn, it grieves and even though we cant feel it, see it but it does for the whole winter and as soon as the spring makes its presence aware, oh the joy! The joy that tree feels, its like something u can never unsee. To such extent is the happiness that it decides to shower everyone around them with sights never seen, flowers to bloom, fragrance one never smelled, it decides to shower us with the most precious gifts of its own not knowing whether it’ll remember the new borns or forget them like the others.

Our brain is like a tree and the memories are like those leaves. We tend to forget certain of them but we never rejoice in the new ones we make. We are afraid of forgetting them, the dread of it so fearful that we take the help of stuffs like camera. But do we really need them???? We don’t believe in ourselves enough to remember those new ones and so we turn to rely on unreliable things in our life. That’s how brain works. We have those memories somewhere deep inside us, the reason we don’t remember some of those is because we have made a protective layer around us which we think will be disastrous for us if we tried to go further beyond. But for once, just once, I want to try, try and breach that shell, that wall, that layer that I built around those memories to just want to decide for myself whether they are good for me or maybe the worst decision of my life. But you know what holds me back, the fact that when I succeed in breaching into darkest parts of myself and realise that it was the worst decision of my life, no one will be standing beside me to be with me when that darkness will be consuming me, eating me up, destroying me. No one will be there to bring me out of it. And that is how I have to stop myself everytime I’m overthinking because everyone wants an upbeat and energised me and one day when you don’t have the energy to carry the pretence, of course everyone will want to know about the ‘other’ me and then explanation is not my forte so once again I have to go about lying, lying about my existence, myself and everything related to me, and that’s how about my life goes, in the shadows of pretence, and a truth about lies and I am the most normal person for everyone. But am i?

This is how I stopped my brain from growing into a tree and my memories always pasted to the branches of its origin, sometimes remembered, sometimes forgotten forever……  

#blog post #writers on tumblr #my writing #writing #blogger #follow #pretend