exjunkiebaby

[exjunkiebaby]

Hey beautiful i’m sorry if this offends you but I find you really attractive and I’d like you to be my sugar baby just letting you know my intentions incase you will be interested... we could talk terms and weekly allowance later .... just basically paying for your time.❤️

lol I’ve been hit up by “sugar daddies” on tumblr before and they always turn out to be scammers

#asks #ask me anything #ask

[exjunkiebaby]

Hi

#me #selfie #latina #personal #opiates #addict #recovery #sobriety #addiction #drug addiction #sober

[exjunkiebaby]

[exjunkiebaby]

I’m back, baby!

So yall know that I reached a year clean back in October. I was really proud of myself. It was a goal I had wanted to reach since the beginning of my recovery journey (May 2018). I even had a dinner with all of my friends and family to celebrate. But, deep on the inside, I was cravings Xanax so fucking bad. Now, I knew I would never go back to fentanyl or meth, but the monster inside of me wanted to feel nothingness.

So in November I bought Xanax. I knew it was wrong. I knew my clean time would be wiped clean. I knew my family would be upset and distraught. But I did it. I bought it and I got so fucking high. My parents immediately noticed it, and my mom even intercepted a package of Xanax coming via the mail man.

I ruined thanksgiving. I ruined my mother’s birthday. I scared my sponsor. I disappointed my sister, yet again. I fucked up and I had no choice but to face myself. The monster inside of me caused a trail of utter destruction.

I was so ashamed and upset at myself but all I really wanted was to keep getting high. But I couldn’t. I JUST celebrated a year clean and I knew in my heart I had to go back to recovery. So my friends took me to meetings, and I spoke. With tears in my eyes I announced, “I fucked up again.”

I have 3 months clean now. I still feel sad that I threw away a year. I tossed it to a garbage bin. But, I knew this didn’t mean that the year didn’t happen. I still did it. I still earned that victory. So what now? It was time to start again, start anew.

Following my journey must be so redundant. But I want you to know one thing: as long as I’m still breathing, I will never give up.

#personal #opiates #addict #recovery #sobriety #addiction #drug addiction #drugs #sober #benzos #drugblr #AA #na

[exjunkiebaby]

Merry Christmas, even if you don't celebrate much! I wanted to wish you a pleasent day and to treat yourself with kindness. I send you a warm hug, and don't give up ☺️

Thank you so much anon! I had a great Christmas with my family 😊 happy holidays to you and anybody who reads this ❤️

#asks #ask me anything #send me asks #ask

[exjunkiebaby]

🤔

[exjunkiebaby]

He died 4 years ago today

And it pains my soul. I spent the last 10 minutes sobbing over the loss of his life. He died from a fentanyl overdose. He was alone. No one had narcan to save him. It’s not fair. Why am I still alive? I’ve been narcanned 3 times. What makes me better than him? Nothing. We were both junkies, but more importantly, human beings who deserved happy glorious lives.

So today I grieve. Not only for Dwayne, but for myself. I had 13 months clean and flushed that time down the toilet when I decided to take Xanax. I was high as fuck on Thanksgiving. Everybody knew. My sister told me everybody died on the inside. I failed them. I’m a failure I’m a failure I’m a failure

#personal #opiates #addict #recovery #sobriety #addiction #drug addiction #drugs #sober #diary #benzos #Xanax #grief #loss #rip

[exjunkiebaby]

Message me. I’m bored :(

[exjunkiebaby]

I have 13 months clean but holy mother of fuck, do I miss the blues. 💔

I can taste this picture. I can feel it in my bones, my body, every ripple of blood. I so badly want to numb myself into pure black oblivion.

Will the obsession ever be lifted?

[exjunkiebaby]

do you ever sit on your bed thinking why you are still alive? after all the overdoses, the cigarettes you smoke, the new drugs you tried? you’re still alive after all the alcohol, the accidents, the drawbacks. you live even if you destroy yourself every day, despite you are conscious of you actions. you are still fucking alive and you don’t even know why

[exjunkiebaby]

I’m so proud of you for making it one year sober!! 🥹💖 I hope you keep thriving 💜

Thank you for the kind words 🥰

#ask #asks #ask me anything #send me asks

[exjunkiebaby]

Huge congratulations on one year clean. That is a massive achievement. Very, very well done. 👏

Thank you so much! 🥹

#ask #send me asks #ask me anything #asks

[exjunkiebaby]

you’re a winner in my book sweetheart🌻

congratulations on 1 year💪

Thank you ☺️❤️

#ask #ask me anything #send me asks #asks

[exjunkiebaby]

You’re a loser 😂

Thank you anon I just celebrated 1 year clean ❤️ I’m suuuuuch a fucking loser

#ask #ask me anything #send me asks #asks

[exjunkiebaby]

I ran across your blog by way of a post you wrote last month on Drug Dreams, and I wanted to check on how you're going. I know it's not easy sometimes, but in my experience it is absolutely worth it in the long run. Every day sober is a successful day. Keep up the very good work.

Thank you so much!

I’m actually doing great right now. I just celebrated 11 months clean and I’m currently in Santiago, Chile visiting my brother. It’s a beautiful country and city and I can’t wait to explore more! I’m with my family so they will keep me safe. If I was alone, I would probably go on Bumble and do drugs with some random Latino. I have the urge to use, but I try not to give it much thought. Of course I miss drugs, but I don’t miss how suicidal they made me. Now that I’m clean I actually don’t mind my life. I have lovely people that surround me.

I come back home in 2 weeks, and this is where the real challenge begins. My current job is seasonal so I need to find a new one ASAP. I’m actually quite excited for Halloween and the holidays, though. In no time I will be celebrating 1 year clean! I simply cannot wait 🥰

#ask #asks #send me asks #ask me anything

[exjunkiebaby]

Keep up the good proces, one day at a time. What keeps me clean -besides God- is unconditional acceptence of all feelings and parts of me. I know this sounds very simple but I think this is also key.

Thank you! I’m definitely learning to accept all of my feelings, good and bad 🙏 today I celebrate 11 months clean! ☺️

#ask #ask me anything #asks

[exjunkiebaby]

I miss drugs.