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explainyourstory · 6 months

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~ Abyss Anon, back with Part 3

What is it like to live in America, Canada, the United Kingdom, Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, anywhere? I'm going to be honest, America is pretty decent. Sure, it's not perfect, everything has places to improve in. But I don't think I'm kept down by my gender. I don't think I'll be illegally locked up by the government, and hell, America's free speech is so well-protected that you can safely cuss out Police without being legally in trouble. (silently looks at China's Hong Kong Protestors, at North Korea, at Russia, at the Middle East that kills those who are LGBTQ, at Africa that still engages in genitalia mutilation). I'm not saying that we necessarily have the right to get involved in another culture, but I'll leave this comparison. A mere what 50 years ago, America thought Racism was still okay, and what like 150 years ago or 100 years or whatever ago we still thought slavery was okay. What is okay in one culture at one point in time is accepted as wrong in another point in time. Why are we allowed to nitpick America, which is a pretty good place all things considered, but we don't call for cultures which are consistently denying human rights and lives to examine and change their behavior when it comes to such crimes against humans?

Why do you believe in your faith? Why are you Christian, Catholic, Mormon, Jewish, Buddhist, Athiest, or any belief? I'm in a complicated religious place. I believe there is some higher universal cosmic being, but I think they look at us like we look at ants. Funky, fun to light on fire with a magnifying glass, but barely worth any thought. I just don't agree with the idea that there is a god out there that gives a shit about us, but I also don't think there isn't a higher being out there who had some hand in the world as it is.

Why are you an optimist? A pessimist? A realist? I would call myself a realist with a dose of anxious pessimism. Again, Anxiety, and abuse has created in me a struggle to be 100% blindly optimistic about anything.

Why do you believe in the political party that you do? Why are you Republican? A Democrat? Neither? Hello, welcome to my new name, "It's complicated". I vote republican, mostly because the Radical Left has completely turned me away. The modern Feminist movement is more like a Misandrist movement. Less about raising women up, more about tearing men down. The "Strong Female Character has no flaws, makes no mistakes, and needs no man" makes me unironically immediately hate whatever story has the trope. Women have flaws, they make mistakes, and most women would say that even if they don't need men, they would like to have one in their life. Does the strong female character not need her father? what about a brother? Or a male friend? Is she truly self-sufficient enough that she doesn't need anyone? Or how about the fact that the Strong Female Character is only ever one type of Strong, which usually feels like the female "Stoic Hero with physical strength" archtype. All this to say, the Radical left has complicated my political position.

Why are you pro-choice? Pro-life? Radical left has completely ruined pro-choice for me, because they go after women who choose not to abort, to keep the baby. Pro-Choice implies you support people having the choice to choose either one without reprimand or scolding, and without undue harm. :/ Also, when I was younger, I wrote an essay about Abortion, and though I lost the essay, I remember two poignant things: The methods by which abortions are done (none are pretty, all are so unbelievably fucked up), and that too many abortions from one woman can leave her completely infertile. Any medical process that leaves you infertile and isn't known to have that side effect feels ick to me. What if it's the wrong time in her life but then she later wants kids and can't have any later? How fucked up is that. I do think abortions should be permitted, especially in cases of rape, incest, or where the baby/mother would die to go through childbirth. But if you just don't want to get pregnant, get the implant, use condoms, and practice safe, sane, and consensual sex. Don't put your reproductive organs at risk if you do want children later in life. And look up the methods of abortion. My information was from 2013, so it might be updated, but it might not have updated. It was some fucked up shit.

Why are you a feminist? An anti-feminist? I want equality between men and women, which I honestly think we got quite a bit of equality (the wage gap I think doesn't take into account that it's the average of all men v all women. Compare men to women in the same field. That will give you a more accurate account of wages and gaps). If a man is abused, he's ignored or ridiculed, if a woman is abused, she's supported and the man demonized. If a man rapes a woman, his life is torn down. If a woman lies about a man raping her and is found out, she gets a slap on the wrist for destroying his life. Google it, there's a bunch more fake rape accusations than you think there are. Women are just as nasty to fellow women as men are. If a man and woman divorce, a woman is almost always given 100% custody of any children, unless very extreme circumstances come into play, or it's a fair divorce like my dad and mom, where mom got my sibling and my dad got me, and we each visited the other house every other weekend. But I don't want those double standards. i want the arbitrary Male v Female standards to fade away and judge by facts, not what genitalia the people involved have.

Why do you love certain people, certain groups? What about them makes you so happy? Why? Why do you despise certain people, certain groups? What about them makes you so mad? Why? I assume this is pointing towards being for/against cops, anti-semitism, racism, or sexism. I don't generalize groups. I don't think all of X group is Y, because that is boiling everyone down to one label they have. I want to judge people by their actions and what I know of them. I don't want to assume all men are rapists, or all women are victimized, or all blacks are criminals. Those are all false, and when you make that narrative, you'll look around and see the narrative you craft. I don't judge you for whatever you believe, look, or dress like, though if you wear a shirt of a game/show I like, I'll happily comment on it, and if you behave in a way I find annoying/mean, I'll just avoid you, but it won't change my perception about the group of people, though I have strong thoughts about activist groups that have done more harm than good. (MeToo, with the Cancel Culture that assumes a tweet from a decade ago 100% represents your current beliefs, that jokes don't exist, and you can never change or be better and can only be confronted aggressively and cancelled; BLM, with their violent protests that destroyed so many cities across the country. Both cases had good intentions in their goals, but the way they went about achieving it, or even just in not restricting things [Cancel Culture] ended up causing more harm to the cause in question. Remember #BelieveWomen? You wonder why fake rape accusations are happening? It's because our society with MeToo was primed to just believe women without questioning their story, without properly investigating. And fake rape and abuse accusations only make it harder for real victims to come forward and be believed. Good intentioned, poorly executed.)

All this to say, I try to approach everyone I meet and everything I do with an understanding there is more nuance to the situation than a simple Black and White, a simple "you either are with us or against us" mentality. I never want to remove a seat for all people from the table just because history has had it that our seat was removed. My piece of advice for everyone is: Treat others how you want to be treated, and never assume you know exactly what a person went through. I told a lot of what I experienced, and I didn't expunge a very large amount of my story, as a lot of it is identifying for people who know me well/knew me at a particular point in my life. You, who have heard a lot of my story, do not know everything about me. Likewise, imagine all the people with stories like mine (this is to everyone, not just the owner of this tumblr) that haven't told you, or that you don't know. Better to err on the side of caution and treat others as you'd like to be treated than potentially negatively affecting people for no reason. And generalization is the death of nuance. By boiling people down to their unchangeable characteristics, like their gender, sexuality, or skin color, you're limiting that person to a caricature of what you think of those characteristics. Caricature's, even well meaning ones, are never a good basis on which to judge people. Better to treat every person with blinders on to their skin color, gender, and sexuality, yes? I'm not saying those characteristics don't affect their life (I have characteristics that can affect my life myself), I'm just saying that people shouldn't be judged by those characteristics.

Also, I applaud you, OP, for being willing to be so open to other stories, and I apologize for the heccin essay I just sent you, lol.

As always, ~ Abyss Anon

Part 3

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You make a lot of good points, and you've introduced me to a few things I didn't know about previously, thank you! And don't apologise for the essay, it was great to read! Mentioning Cancel Culture, I reccomend reading this post! I found it very enlightnening and it does a good job explaining how Cancel Culture is such a bad thing!

With number 7, you are right but it's also a bit more extensive than that. I stated at the beginning that I want to hear from everybody, I want to learn about as many people's stories as I can, and that includes people who aren't commonly liked or are seen as bad people. That includes; homophobes, racists, and/or people who think stuff like incest is okay, to name a few. I'm not saying I agree or will agree with anything and everything I hear, but I want to know why. It's good to hear from good people, but I want to know the wants and motives behind people society has deemed wrong and immoral as well. Or maybe that's just psychology nerd in me talking.

One thing I think is important though, is that the world isn't black and white, and neither are the people that live in it, everything is all in shades of grey. No one's perfect, but no one's entirely a monster either.

Thank you for sharing!

#share your story #tell your story #explain your story #a religious story #a political story #a morality story #thank you for sharing your story

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explainyourstory · 6 months

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~Abyss Anon, Part 2, let us continue

What is it like to live with Anxiety or Depression? to live with ADHD, OCD? DID or OSDD? pt 1/2+1 I decided to split this into two different categories, and I wanted to add Autism as something you might want to add to your questioning. Now, let me be honest, the only official diagnosis I have is Anxiety, but it is strongly implied I have ADD/ADHD without the hyperactivity, and Autism. Depression...I am not sure, it might be a side effect of one of the other cocktails I've got or it might be Bipolar (as my mother was diagnosed Bipolar but with new information, I'm not sure if my mother was bipolar, or if autism/Depression/ADD/Anxiety created a bipolar mimic). Anyways, let's run down the list based on the strongest one I know: Anxiety. Anxiety is like there's a knot in your chest that never goes away, a nagging worry that something is about to go wrong. You're constantly nervous that you're about to be called to the principal's office in school, but you haven't the faintest idea what you've done. Anxiety most definitely contributes to my AFAB paranoia at night. ADD, I've got a fairly strong idea I have, and that it feeds into the anxiety, cause I've always had issues with focusing, my grandfather confirmed he thought he and myself both have ADD, and my younger sibling (who is technically my half sibling, but their dad adopted me, so I use dad to refer to him) has ADHD as well. But the reason I pointed out the anxiety feed-in is because some amount of energy drinks not only help me focus (a trait of ADHD), but it also quells some of my anxiety (but not all). Autism, I know the least about, but my mother confirmed that she theorized myself, her, and my sibling all are on the spectrum, I've had people who are autistic comment that I seem to have autism, and my dad has confirmed that my sibling seems to have autism as well. And a coworker of mine who is diagnosed as autistic has pointed out some of the behaviors and descriptors that point to me having autism. I am very good at mirroring or masking, though I would argue that I don't really have a good view of myself, and would have to ask the people around me if they view me as NT or ND. Depression, I sometimes get cycles of negative thoughts and low energy from depression, though I don't know perfectly with it anymore as the thoughts don't pop up at all thanks to a tactic I used when I was younger when I struggled with suicidal thoughts, and Depression and Anxiety only appeared in my late teens.

What is it like to live with an addiction? I'm modifying this slightly. My dad used to be a bad alcoholic and was and still is a bad smoker. Addiction...I recognize it's a disease, but if you're struggling with it, you, in my opinion, have no right to subject a child to it. My dad would drink a large bottle of Canadian whiskey every night or every other night, and buy a pack of cigarettes every day. I often had to remind my dad to go to bed (8-9~) and feed himself because he drunk himself to sleep. Some things that happened I won't expunge probably didn't help either. But nowadays, I try not to think about the $$. Remember how we were living paycheck to paycheck? Yea, if I calculate how much he spent every week or every two weeks, I won't be able to control my emotions and I'm liable to lash out. I'd rather not...think about how much money was wasted because I wasn't enough for him to get clean back then.

What is it like living with one mom, one dad, both, or neither? I lived with my dad alone from 8-9 to current day, 23. I lived with my mom for a short period of time. I lived with both for an equally short period of time. They both fucked me up in vastly different ways, and for vastly different (or maybe same) reasons. I definitely think living with dad did affect my emotional responses, but my mom didn't help. She got a therapist for me when I was constantly crying to ask why I was crying all the time and tell me not to cry. When a cat I loved died, I didn't cry, and back to the therapist I went, and when asked why I didn't cry, I stated they made it clear I wasn't to cry. So there's a lot of things in play that mess with my ability to say how much of my current personality is due to my extensive time with my dad, negative encounters with children thanks to my mom, and/or the abuse I went through on both parents parts. All I'll say is that parents can have the best of intentions, and their actions can still leave marks on their children that never heal. And I really hate the "Your trauma isn't your fault, it's your responsibility". I get the intent, but what it sounds like to me is "you are responsible for what happened to you". I know it's supposed to teach people who use their trauma to excuse being assholes (I don't use my trauma to excuse hurting others, and don't hurt others when I can help it), but all it does is make people like me wh never got justice from their abusers feel like now, not only do they have to deal with trauma and potential PTSD, but now it's somehow their fault the trauma even happened in the first place. As if being a good enough kid, being a good enough sister, daughter, friend would have been enough to avoid the trauma. YOU CAN NEVER BE A GOOD ENOUGH KID, A GOOD ENOUGH SISTER, A GOOD ENOUGH DAUGHTER, OR A GOOD ENOUGH FRIEND. IF THEY WERE GOING TO ABUSE YOU, THEY'D DO IT REGARDLESS OF HOW GOOD/NOT PROBLEMATIC YOU WERE. A better phrase IMO would be something like "Being abused wasn't your fault, but being abused does not give you the right to abuse others"

What is it like to be the oldest, middle, or the youngest child? So I'm in a weird space. I'm a middle child who has spent much of my life being the oldest child. I was always responsible for my younger sibling during visits, and I was expected to entertain any children in the nearby area, as well as be a role model. I was expected to be a perfect person for children to look to, as if I was a parent. I didn't like children, and that was only exacerbated by the bullshit my mother and dad let happen to me. At this time, my younger sibling and I still have an awkward relationship that is affected by the fact my younger sibling has called me mom by accident. Yea.

What is it like to live where you do? In rural towns, in the city? I live in a city/and near a second (172k where I live, and 62k in the city I'm nearby, which I work in), Personally, I don't really know the difference. I have never been to/lived in a rural town, so I have no frame of reference, though I'll say that compared to what I've heard about rural towns, it's more anonymous to live in a city like where I live. No one knows you, beyond the few people you meet and get to know. But it also means that there isn't a close bond to you and the public servants.

~Abyss Anon, as always, see you in Part 3

Part 2

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As I stated in the previous post, the questions are merly examples/guidelines, so you're free to talk about anything you've deemed important or necessary, including Autism! Thank you for the suggestion though!

I've never heard of the saying "Your trauma isn't your fault, it's your responsibility." I agree with your reasoning, it does sound a bit,,, iffy. I like the alternative you proposed! I think it's the point across a lot better and makes it sound less vague.

Thank you for sharing!

#share your story #tell your story #explain your story #a medical story #a domestic story #a familial story #thank you for sharing your story

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explainyourstory · 6 months

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I'm going in anonymous, but I figured I'd take you question by question as that helps my brain to keep on task

Why do i love who i love? What is it like loving men, women, both, or neither? pt 1 Well, I'm under the Ace/Aro umbrella, and some of it is due to my own ambivalence to love and people in romantic or sexual perceptions, and some of it is due to events in my life that I will not be expunging here just because I've barely trusted those events to my friends, let alone strangers on the internet. pt 2 Honestly, I'm having a hard time due to a lack of irl friends and a lack of knowledge of where and how to meet new people safely. But generally, I don't feel a need to have a partner in my life, and generally enjoy my life without a partner.

What is it like, living as a woman, a man, as neither? I'm AFAB, identifying as Nonbinary, or maybe Agender or Gender Apathetic. The point is, my gender isn't something I care about much. However, growing up AFAB has made it where being out at night is rife with paranoia. I have a pocket knife that I keep open most nights I bike home. I don't even consider where I live to be bad, it's just too risky to be AFAB, alone at night, anywhere. I'm equally paranoid of everyone I encounter, whether they're AFAB, AMAB, or other. Anyone is dangerous, thanks to the plethora of crimes they can do against a physically weak AFAB walking/biking alone at night. Generally though, life is pretty typical. I don't really run into sexism in my workplace, from my coworkers or my customers, and on the whole, I don't consider being AFAB to affect my ability to earn a paycheck equal to my coworkers or to progress in my career. I just don't want to be promoted or anything at this time.

What is it like living poor, or living rich? I grew up in a poor household. Prior to my dad and mom divorcing, my life was normal, to my knowledge. I had two loving (though debating the merits of using that term thanks to the abuse I suffered during that time and after has taken much of my mind power in the last few years) parents, and got gifts from them and my extended family. I didn't like my sibling, but that was due to me being 6-7 years old by the time the sibling made their appearance in my life, which was a long time of being the only kid before everything changed and I had no choice or say in the changes. However, when I was about 8-9, everything changed with the divorce. Growing up with my dad, we lived paycheck to paycheck, I often was turned down for many things I wanted, and christmas and birthday gifts were often postponed because of the lack of proper money. I made a friend in high school who was middle class, or rich to my perspective, and I often felt jealous. She could go to market of choice and get sushi every day, while I had to use the free lunches of my school, and only occasionally buy burgers from the nearby Mcdonalds or Dairy Queen. Growing up poor aches when you're old enough to understand, and my dad didn't help by venting about our money issues to an 8-9 year old me. I still struggle with checking my bank account due to stress, and still struggle with either splurging once I have a surplus, or aggressively squirreling the money and trying to pretend I don't have money with which to splurge (even when I do)

What is it like to live as a white person? I will only comment on this as I am white, but personally I don't know what to say. My life has been average, but I haven't necessarily had an easy life just because of my skin color. The issue between skin color has appeared more recently in my workplace with customers. I work in a store under a corporate brand, let's call them Small-Mart. I work the Self-Check area more often, which requires me to watch transactions to make sure customers scan everything, and I do it equally to everyone because my job is to make sure shrink doesn't leave the store. I couldn't care less that you're black, white, hispanic, or anything in between. If you scan everything, I will barely glance at you. If you struggle with scanning some items, I'm more likely to say "it seems the item didn't get scanned, our machines are finicky at best, you know how it is" If the item is scanned, then the issue is finished and I don't continue fucking with people, though I may continue a light hearted small talk if I've found something in common. I've had black people imply myself as racist for doing my job, and had other people complain about me hovering when I haven't been hovering, or if I was hovering, it was because I was doing my job. I believe that whatever skin color doesn't matter, I'll respect you as a person with an identity I don't know if you do the same. Why should I judge someone based on arbitrary characteristics they were born with? It'd be like assuming someone blind is actually helpless, or someone autistic is mentally brain dead. Neither assumption helps anyone, so why do it?

What is it like to live with a crippling medical condition? An injury? A physical or mental disability? pt 1/3 I don't know if this counts, but I was born with mild-to-moderate hearing loss that leaves me reliant on hearing aids to perform most normal things. I have a small range I can hear in, but most of the sounds of human speech or the world are outside of the range I can hear. It's generally okay. I can't shower with my hearing aids in, or sleep with them in, I have to buy hearing aid batteries fairly often, and occasionally I have to go to an audiologist to take care of the hearing aids or update my prescription as needed, or get new hearing aids. When I was younger, kids would ask me what it was like being deaf. I asked them what it was like being capable of hearing. I do not remember having the ability to hear, I was born like this, this is my normal. To explain it would be to explain to a sociopath what emotions feel like. It's hard, because you're having to explain a thing you have always known, with no metric for comparison. I recognize my hearing aids are different, but to me they're just another part of my daily routine, a tool I use to get close to matching normal hearing.

I have to send a second part, so this is part 1, and I'll sign off as: ~ Abyss Anon

Part 1

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Thank you so much for sharing! The questions were more as examples and general prompts to get people thinking, they weren’t required if you wanted to share something else, but I understand your method! That’s smart actually, I didn’t consider people answering multiple questions at a time like that, but that’s rather convenient all things considered.

Don’t worry about your hearing loss counting or not! There is no qualifying basis, you are free to tell me about anything under the sun, you can answer all or one or any of my questions, or you can share something I didn’t think of when making my list, all I want is to hear your perspective and your story. So once more, thank you for sharing <3

#share your story #tell your story #explain your story #a sexuality story #a gender story #a financial story #a familial story #a racial story #a medical story #thank you for sharing your story

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explainyourstory · 7 months

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So what's the story?

This is intended for people to share their experiences, their lives, and their beliefs without judgment. That includes anyone of any belief or stance, it doesn't matter if it is seen as right or wrong. The goal is to learn more about how others see the world, how their own experiences have shaped them and led them to believe the things they do. Originally I had this idea because I wanted to learn more about the LGBTQ+ community, but I figured, why not open that to everyone?

Tell me your stories. Why do you love who you love? What is it like loving men, women, both, or neither? What is it like, living as a woman, a man, as neither? What is it like living poor, or living rich? What is it like to live as a white person? As black? As any race or ethnicity? What is it like to live with a crippling medical condition? An injury? A physical or mental disability? What is it like to live with Anxiety or Depression? To live with ADHD, OCD? DID or OSDD? What is it like to live with an addiction? What is it like living with one mom, one dad, both, or neither? What is it like to be the oldest, the middle, or the youngest child? What is it like to live where you do? In rural towns, in the city? What is it like to live in America, Canada, the United Kingdom, Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, anywhere? Why do you believe in your faith? Why are you Christian, Catholic, Mormon, Jewish, Buddhist, Athiest, or any belief? Why are you an optimist? A pessimist? A realist? Why do you believe in the political party that you do? Why are you Republican? A Democrat? Neither? Why are you pro-choice? Pro-life? Why are you a feminist? An anti-feminist? Why do you love certain people, certain groups? What about them makes you so happy? Why? Why do you despise certain people, certain groups? What about them makes you so mad? Why?

Tell me your story, so I may open my worldview to the lives and perspectives of others, so I can walk in your shoes and know what you know, and feel what you feel. Tell me your story so I can understand,

You.

Because right now, in this day and age, I don't think any of us understands anyone. And that's a problem.

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