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flashbackharry · 4 years

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worked really hard on this and it’s not getting the attention it deserves :(

Here, there and Everywhere

Best friends to lovers

5.4k words

Masterlist

Harry and you were best friends, have been since the beginning of your formative years, Harry has always been there. You were there before his X-Factor days. In fact he asked if you would take his shift at the bakery you both worked at, so he could go and audition. You were at work mopping when he asked you again. The begging has been going on for a few days now. Harry offered to do the most peculiar things for you. “I can teach you how to play guitar so when I become famous you can go on tour with me’’

You laughed, you were only 16 then, but his piercing green eyes and unrelenting ambition got the best of you and you huffed a “Fine” before grabbing the mop from his hands, he grinned and scooped you into his arms. Little did he know you would’ve said yes regardless.

“You’re locking up right?” He asked. You slowly nodded.

“I’ll be by tomorrow night to let you know how it went.” He said, kissing your cheek and walking out the door.

***

Your whole body was aching. It was a long day of being on your feet and your brain was exhausted from having to use your customer service voice all day. You had just finished sweeping the floor and putting the money in the safe. It was half past 11. Harry said he’d come by. But It was getting late and the boss liked the store to be completely locked up by 12. You waited a little more before leaving him a voicemail and grabbing your things and walking towards the door. Right when you turned the lights off you heard rapping at the door. It was Harry. You tried to gauge what he was feeling just by looking at his facial expressions but it was dark, the only source of light was coming from a singular lamppost outside.

You pointed to the “Sorry We’re Closed” sign on the window and pouted, gesturing to your imaginary watch that it was after hours.

“Haha, let me in.” He said, his voice muffled because he was outside the glass.

You unlocked the door and he stood there, staring.

“So?” You said, biting your lip, nervous for him.

What happened next happened so fast you couldn’t relay it.

One minute he was staring at you, the next your body was half way in the air, held together by Harry’s arms wrapped tightly around your torso while he simultaneously screamed,

“I got through! I’m gonna be famous!”

You begged Harry to put you down through a fit of giggles. You put both your hands on his cheeks, grabbing his face. He looked longingly into your eyes.

“I’m so so proud of you bub.” You said, hugging him again.

“Ready to go?” he asked, once you pulled back from the hug.

“No quite.” You shrugged your coat off and set your bag down on the floor. You grabbed his hand and led him into the kitchen. You led him to a stool and ordered him to sit. He did, his eyes never leaving your figure. You rummaged all the cabinets and found two champagne glasses, you went to the fridge next and found some cheap wine. You poured the glasses halfway and handed him his.

“Tonight? We celebrate.” You said, clinking his glass against yours.

You both got drunk that night. Taking the glass with you after locking the store up. You walked the streets late, stumbling and giggling.

“Don’t forget me when you’re famous.” You said, pausing once you both realized you were outside your house.

Harry narrowed his eyes, “Can’t forget you when you’re right beside me.” You smiled at that and hugged him goodnight. You pulled away first, again, there was that pause. You looked at his lips, and bit yours. He narrowed his eyes again, a pout forming on his lips. You were drunk, and exhausted and needed some sleep.

“Good night Styles.” You said, letting him go fully and walking up your driveway to your house.

“Night.” Harry said, his voice laced with confusion. You turned around. You saw him look at the ground, kick a few rocks and walk away, it wasn’t until his shadow was no longer visible did you go back inside.

***

You smiled sadly at that memory now. Heartbroken. That was 4 years ago and today you just found out the girl you’ve been with for the past year was cheating on you the whole time. You called Harry and when he heard one word spill from your trembling lips, he said he was on his way. You’ve just been balled up on the couch now, reminiscing and trying not to leave her a nasty voicemail, but you couldn’t find it in your heart to even do that. Not sure if it was the surprise of the fact you’ve been lied to this whole time, or that you believed all those lies.

A knock at the door pulled you out from your thoughts. You went to open it and it was Harry. One look at him and your shoulders sunk, you sighed and tears threatened to spill again.

“C’mere.” Harry whispered. Pulling you into a hug. He closed the door behind him with one hand. You stood in the front entrance, underneath the light. It was late.

“Have you eaten anything today?” He asked, his voice sounding concerned.

“Do Cheez-Its count?” You asked looking up at him. Underneath the light, his features seemed more enhanced. His eyes were more prominent, maybe it was because of the situation at hand, but he looked sadder.

“Lets go.” He said. Grabbing your coat off the coat rack, putting it on you.

“Where?” You asked.

“To get some food.” He said, motioning you to put your shoes on.

You did and in 10 minutes, you were walking the streets of London late at night.

It was difficult finding a place that was open so late and so after walking in circles for a bit, you both stumbled on a Chinese Restaurant that was doing take out only. It would have to suffice.

You placed your orders by the window and stood outside waiting. It was chilly out but then again it always was chilly here. After grabbing your food, you and Harry walked across the street to the park and found a picnic table and sat down across from each other.

“How’d you find out?” He said after you guys sat and ate in silence for a little bit. You were just pushing around the food with your fork now, already a bit full.

“The other girl she was cheating on me with found my number in her phone and asked if I was the other girl.” Harry winced like it physically pained him to hear it.

“Ouch, I’m so sorry Y/n. I never got the best vibes from her.” He said, grabbing your hand over the table, running his thumb across yours.

“Yeah.” Was all you said. You sat in silence again.

“Did you love her?” Harry asked, his eyes searching yours.

“I think I was beginning to. Oh God, am I that stupid? Why didn’t I see it?”

“Hey, none of that. None of this is your fault. She’s the shitty human being who fucked up, not you, okay?” Harry said, his voice rising a little.

When you didn’t respond again, Harry began to rummage in your bag. He grabbed the journal he gifted you a couple years ago for your birthday, you never left the house without it. He ripped out two pages and pulled out two pens he found in the bottom of your bag. You lifted your head, your eyebrows pulled together in confusion. He slid the paper and pen to you.

“We are going to write letters addressed to people we’ve loved in the past and then burn them.” He said, pen in hand, already beginning to write the first sentence.

“This is dumb Haz.” You said, grabbing the pen anway, beginning to write.

“Shhh no talking.” He said.

After writing in silence for about 15 minutes Harry looked up and asked if you were done, you met his eyes and nodded.

He took out the lighter he had in his coat pocket and lit it.

“Wait! Who did you write about?” You asked questioningly. Your mind going through his past lovers.

“Not important.” He said before lighting it again.

“No!” You yelled, walking over to his side of the table and standing beside him, trying to grab the paper. He held it out of your reach. You got on his lap, trying to pull his arm down so you could grab it. Harry crumbled it in his fist, getting up. He was a good 6 feet away from you now.

“Harry that’s not fair, you know who I’m writing about.” You said whining a little, hoping he’d fall for it.

“It’s not important bub, I’m trying to move on that’s all.”

“But you tell me everything, we said no secrets.” You said, actually disheartened now.

“Fine, wanna know? It’s Felicity, from year 9 remember? She really did a number on me.” He said, smiling. You weren’t having none of it.

“I’ve been lied to enough, Harry, not you too.” You grabbed your things and started walking in the other direction. Harry’s entire mood shifted. He ran after you.

“Wait! Y/n, wait up.” He was in front of you now.

“Its you, okay? He huffed. His eyes searching yours.

You looked at him. Not knowing what to do. Your heart hitched in your chest.

“It was when we were younger, when we both worked at the bakery. I had a thing for you..but you never reciprocated so I gave up.” He said in a shaky breath. You remember. You liked being his friend, in fact he was your only friend and you knew it was going to be something so special that you’d never want to lose, so you didn’t risk it. Didn’t want to.

“Obviously I don’t feel that way still. You’re my best mate Y/n, I would never.” He said quickly when he noticed you weren’t saying anything. You didn’t know why you were hurt by that last statement but you couldn’t help the aching you felt in your heart right now. Anyhow, you quickly shook the feeling and grabbed the lighter from his pocket, setting flame to the letter in your hand. Once you saw the ashes die down and turn into dust, you handed the lighter to Harry.

“You don’t wanna read it?” Harry asked, his voice sounding surprised.

You shook your head.

“Do you want me to?” You asked. You figured whatever he said in that letter could unravel something in both of you and suddenly you were regretting guilt tripping him into telling you.

Harry didn’t respond, instead he just took the lighter from your hand and set the paper alight.

The walk back to your flat was a silent one. Harry spent the night on the couch and you were afraid this was only the beginning.

***

One Year Later:

You never saw Harry so down. He was in the studio, Jeff left the two of you alone. Said you were best at getting him to come up with lyrics. The wound of leaving a serious relationship was still fresh and it wore on Harry heavy. It hurt you to see him so sad, but you knew he needed to be in this state- so vulnerable, it was when he got his best work done.

“Harry?” You cooed from below him. He was sitting on the couch and you were sat criss crossed on the rug, a journal in your lap as you wrote down the ideas that came flowing out of him.

“I know it’s tough, but we have to put a dent on the final song today. You’re so close. Just write what she made you feel.” You finished.

He looked down at you, and leaned forward.

“Temptress.” He said through gritted teeth. You jotted that down quickly in your journal. Progress.

You worked diligently for the next 2 hours, and may or may not have had a mini dance break to Fleetwood Mac, which in hindsight helped immensely .

“Harry I think you’re done…” You said slowly, trying to suppress your smile.

“We’re done?” Harry asked.

“Yeah you’ve got a great bridge, you got down the chorus, you still have to figure out the instrumental part but-” You were cut off by someone’s lips on yours.

Harrys.

You were surprised at first. Then you realized your best friend was kissing you. And you were kissing him back. You couldn’t imagine how many times you had imagined this. Then you remembered you were fucking kissing your best friend.

You put your hand on Harry’s chest and broke the kiss.

“Harry.. We can’t” You said softly.

“Why not, we’ve never in the past because there was always someone else, now there’s no one else.”

“Wait what?. We can’t because you’re my best friend. And you’re sad, and just ended a very serious relationship and I’m not your fucking rebound, I’m your best friend.” You said, getting up off the floor. Harry also got up, you could tell he was getting revved up.

“You know we are definitely more than friends Y/n don’t fucking lie to yourself ” He said. You were grabbing your things and he took them from your hands and threw them back down on the groud, taking your hands in his, shaking you a little.

“Look at me and tell me you don’t love me Y/n” He said, his voice shaking.

You pushed him off you and stepped away.

“It’s not that I don’t love you, its that I can’t be the one to mess this up, I don’t wanna lose you and I know me and I know you and we will fucking crash and burn Harry.” You bent down to try and grab your things again and this time Harry didn’t stop you. Tears began to slip from your eyes and you wiped away at them while you were putting your remaining things in your bag, your hands shaking.

You felt a gentle hand close over yours. Harry picked your bag up, and grabbed your hand to help you up off the floor. You took your bag from him slowly.

“Will we be okay?” You asked, your voice breaking.

Harry gave you a small smile.

“We’ll be alright.” He said, and with that you walked out.

***

It’s been one week since the kiss that transpired between you and Harry in the studio room.

You talked over the phone later that night and although awkward at first, it was a conversation you needed to have.

You both listed all the reasons why the two of you dating would be a bad idea.

“If things got bad between us I’d have to stop seeing Anne and I don’t think I’m ready to give up Anne.” You said and Harry laughed softly.

“If things got bad between us” Harry started, “I think Mitch might actually choose you over me.” and it was your turn to laugh.

You went on like that for a little while longer, the sun was about to rise when you both got done talking.

“I’m sorry, you were right. I rather have you in my life as my best friend than not at all.”

You paused and thought about what to say next.

“I love you H, good night.” You said sleepily and hung up.

Things felt different, because they were different, but like Harry said, you’d be all alright.

***

It’s been 6months now since the rift in your friendship with Harry happened. From a complete outsider’s perspective, you guys were the same, nothings changed. But between the two of you, things were..off.

Harry stopped coming over as much and he struggled with ways to show you affection. Before, he’d hold your hand constantly, kiss you on the cheek, lay his head on your shoulder whenever he got the chance. Now? You were lucky if you got a hug goodbye. Your close friends, however were beginning to catch on that something was wrong.

“Are you sure guys are okay?” Mitch pulled you aside one day while you were over at Sarah’s place.

“Yes, we’re fine Mitch, I promise.” You said raising your eyebrows back when he raised his.

“Okay…only asking cause he seems.. Different. Sad.”Mitch said softly.

Your heart sank.

“I’ll talk to him.” Was all you said.

You were also trying to move on from him, trying not to think about him. You loved him but what else could you do? He initiated that kiss, he burnt that letter to you 6 years ago, he said things would be alright and they were far from it now.

Which is why when Ezra, the sound guy from the studio asked you out on a date, you said yes.

You got dressed, feeling nervous but not because you were about to go on your first actual date in 4 years, but because one way or another, Harry would find out and you weren’t sure you were ready for that.

“Oh how pretty! Someones got a hot date huh?” Sarah said from the couch where she was snuggled in Mitch’s neck. Harry must’ve been in the bathroom. You figured this was your chance to leave before he came out.

“Thank you! Gotta go! Wish me luck!” You said and with that you were out the door.

***

After your date, Ezra walked you back to your flat, he leaned down to give you a kiss, you panicked and he ended up kissing your cheek. You started blushing and he looked down, confused.

“Goodnight” You said, biting your inner cheek and unlocking the door to your flat.

“Night.” He called after you and began to walk away.

You turned around, hoping he too would turn around. He didn’t.

The date wasn’t bad, he was nice and knew a lot about music which you admired. Reminded you of Harry. You cursed yourself for already comparing him to Harry but you couldn’t help it. Harry infiltrated every part of your life. You slipped your heels off, sighing at how good it felt, and walked into your kitchen to grab something to drink.

You and Harry already talked about what would happen if you were to be together, but now that you felt deprived of the usual love he encompassed you with, you wondered if it was worth the risk. You were miserable without him, and was this the friendship you worked so hard to salvage? A friendship where you couldn’t even look each other in the eye for more than a minute without looking away, a friendship where he couldn’t even hold your hand. Maybe you guys were always destined to be more than friends.

A knock at the door pulled you away from your thoughts. Maybe it was Ezra returning to give you a proper kiss.

You opened the door, and Harry’s face appeared, his eyes were glossy, almost as if he had been crying before, and he smelled of liquor.

“Ezra? Really Y/n? My fucking sound guy!” He said angrily, slamming his hand on the door as he got the last part out

“Harry, I-” You started but he cut you off.

“No, Y/n, you always said it was about not ruining our friendship but fucking look at us! We’re miserable! I’m gonna make this easier for the both of us. We’re done, whatever this” He said gesturing between the two of us. “Was.” He walked away after that. Tears were falling from your eyes now, you called after him but just like Ezra-just like he did when he got back from X-factor all those years ago, he didn’t look back.

You went back into your flat and slammed the door, not caring it was nearly 2 am, and sunk to the floor.

***

You hadn’t seen Harry in two months since he came to your apartment drunk and severed your friendship.

Not even a peek at him in two months. Whenever your friends invited you to things, your first question was always, “Will Harry be there?” If they said yes, you politely declined the invitation.

“You can’t avoid him forever. You’ve known him since forever, he’s your best friend.” Sarah whined. You were sitting around the dining table making art collages.

“I can damn well try. He wanted this, I’m just respecting his wishes.” You said, suddenly angry.

“Well, do you know what next friday is?” She asked slowly.

“Cinco de Mayo?” You furrowed your brows in confusion.

“No..” She said, raising her eyebrow at you.

You paused a moment to think. Then it hit you.

“Oh! It’s your birthday!” You exclaimed.

“Yes, and I’m inviting the both of you and you’re both coming.” The air suddenly left the room as you processed what she just told you.

“It’s your birthday so I won’t make it about me and my melodrama but just know, I hate you so much right now.” You said getting up and placing a strand of her behind her ear.

“I love you too.” She called after you, laughing.

You spent the next week pacing your floorboards till they had a distinctive creak to them.

***

Sarah’s birthday party was a weekend getaway at her parents beach house.

You sat in the backseat, Mitch was driving and the birthday girl was in the passenger seat.

You pulled into the house’s driveway, it was a modest size house, the most beautiful part of it was the ocean it overlooked a few feet away. You’ve always had a fascination with the ocean, it always brought you peace. It was dusk the sun was setting and it’d be night soon.

You walked into the house, you had packed a small bag considering you’d only be here for two days max. You took the room in the attic, it was recently renovated so it didn’t look much like an attic but you liked how you still had to pull the stairs down to get up there. You were tired but you felt gross so you brought a change of clothes with you and hopped in the shower, hoping the hot steam would clear your mind.

After your too long of a long shower, you realized you couldn’t stay up here during the entirety of your stay, that would make Sarah sad and today was all about her. So you swallowed your pride and went downstairs where everyone was, music was playing and you heard the clashing of plates. Dinner.

You walked in and everyone was around the table. Mitch and Sarah sat side by side, Jeff was there with his wife, Charlotte and Adam were there as well as their dates. And Harry.

He sat next to Mitch, on the opposite side of Sarah. He was teasing them about something because Mitch was pushing his hand away from his hair and rolling his eyes playfully.

“Ah, look who’s done from the longest shower ever.” Sarah said, giving you a smile.

You smiled and walked over to take a seat at the other end of the table. You felt Harry’s eyes follow you to your seat. The whole room was watching the small exchange between the two of you. You’ve never felt so uncomfortable in a room with the people you loved the most. You wanted to go back upstairs and crawl under the covers. Your hair was still damp and you had on jeans and a t-shirt you were covering with a zip up hoodie, still you felt bare.

Adam fixed you a plate and gave you a small reassuring smile, you returned it and ate slowly.

The remainder of the night was spent laughing and storytelling, eventually someone suggested we get a bonfire going and now you were all walking down towards the water. Adam and Jeff got the fire going and you helped carry some pillows and blankets down. You all gathered around the small fire. You sat across from Harry. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore was a calming one and maybe it was the alcohol working but you felt less tense. Harry had a guitar in his hand and was strumming it lightly. The glow of the fire illuminated his face and he looked so beautiful, you felt your heart strings tug, you swore at yourself underneath your breath and shook your head.

“Any requests?” Harry called out over to the group.

“Beatles. Eleanor Rigby?” Jeff asked.

“Mhmm I dont know that one on guitar.” Harry admitted, his eyes scanning everyone.

“Let it be?” Adam asked, he was poking a stick at the fire.

“So we’re sticking with The Beatles?” Harry said, pulling his phone out to search their discography.

“Here, There and Everywhere?” You asked.

Harry’s head snapped up, his eyes met yours, he just held it and parted his lips as if to say something but nothing was coming out. He slipped his phone back into his pocket and grabbed the neck of the guitar, tuning it. You thought he was ignoring you but then minutes later, the beginning strum of the song played softly. You listened softly. Everyone joined in on the “Oooo” parts of the song and Harry sang beautifully.

This was you an important song to you. It was played on car rides at night and on momentous occasions as well as when you had trouble falling asleep, Harry would hum this song in your ear and you’d fall asleep almost instantly.

“There, running my hands through her hair

Both of us thinking how good it can be

Someone is speaking

But she doesn’t know he’s there”

“I want her everywhere

And if she’s beside me I know I need never care

But to love her is to need her everywhere”

…

“Each one believing that love never dies

Watching her eyes and hoping I’m always there

“I will be there

And everywhere

Here, there and everywhere”

Harry’s eyes never left yours during the entire duration of the song. It was painful to keep his gaze, wanting nothing more than to break it. Slow tears were streaming down your eyes now. You didn’t even bother wiping them away. Harry’s eyes were also watery. When the song ended, Harry kept his hand on the guitar, he looked down now and you couldn’t do it anymore. You excused yourself and started walking in the opposite direction. Your shoes were off and the sand felt nice.

You walked until the fire was merely a small speck in the distance. You sat down, close to the water but no too close so the water hit you. You pulled your knees to your chest. You saw a figure walking towards you, it was Harry. He must’ve also excused himself and walked away minutes after you did. He had his hands in his trouser pockets. He looked conflicted.

He leaned down and occupied the space next to you.

He put his hand in your lap, his palm out. You looked down at it, pausing before lacing your fingers through his. He pulled your hand to his lips and kissed it before guiding it to his lap.

“I’m sorry.” You said.

“I’m sorry too.” He said, his eyes piercing yours.

“How did we end up like this?” You cried out, letting out a pathetic laugh while lifting your head up to the sky.

“I don’t know,I do know that I’ve missed you.” Harry said. You looked at him, holding his gaze, your eyes looked over his face. The bags under his eyes were darker than usual. 2 months is a long time to not look at someone’s face. You decided to just say the thing that’s been on your mind this whole time.

“Harry?” You whispered, leaning your head on his shoulder, your hand still in his lap. He was playing with your fingers absentmindedly.

“Mhmm” He murmured, you felt his voice rumble through to youyour chest because of his proximity.

“I love you so much. And I think it’s taken me so long to admit that we are just more than just friends because I didn’t want to lose you but maybe it just means I get to love you in a different way. I think we could be more, and if you’re willing to try…I would like that.” You lifted your head from his shoulder and pulled yourself into his lap. A leg hanging from each side. You held his face into your hands. He was smiling softly, looking as if he were about to cry any second now. He slowly nodded his head and you felt your hands move.

“Yes, I would like that.” He said, biting his lip.

“May I?” You whispered against his lips, a breath away from kissing him. Harry didn’t answer. Instead he closed the gap between the two of you.

Your lips met and danced in a paced and calculated manner. His tongue wrestled with yours. It was warm and you could taste the bitter sweet alcohol you both had consumed earlier. You pulled away only ever to catch your breath. This was nothing like the kiss you shared almost a year ago, no this one wasn’t rushed, this one wasn’t a surprise but in a sense, it also was because you weren’t just kissing your best friend, you were kissing the great love of your life, your soulmate, the only person you ever wanted to be with. As if making up for lost time, you kissed if this would be your last. Harry pulled away ever so slightly to bite your bottom lip and he moved to your neck, your arms were wrapped around his neck and he put one hand on your neck and the other on your waist only to move you to the sand as he hovered above you, all while his mouth never left your lips or neck.

A sudden noise pulled you two away from each other, you let each other go and looked off into the distance. They were all walking back to the house. Harry crashed on top of you and let out a laugh. He rolled over until he was also laying down in the sand. You were looking up at the sky, smiling to yourself and trying to catch your breath when you felt two hands pull you close to their chest. Harry kissed the top of your forehead.

“I’m so glad we waited all those years, that kiss almost made all the agony worth it.” Harry said, chuckling.

You smiled and put a hand to his chest.

“We should go back, they probably think we killed each other or something.” You said, starting to get up. Harry pulled you back into him.

“Lie here with me, I wanna remember this some more.” He whispered. He looked peaceful and content, you were happy you were the reason. You obliged, placing a kiss behind his ear.

You sat watching the sky and listening to the sound of the waves. It was a while before anyone said anything, your breathing was in sync. Then Harry spoke again.

“Wait, you’re not still with sound guy right?” Harry asked, pretending he forgot his name.

You laughed and pinched his side before answering.

“Ezra and No, I wouldn’t kiss you if I was still in a relationship.” You said and Harry smiled at how kind you were.

“Remember that letter I never read about me that you burned?” You asked.

Harry nodded.

“You said you were just trying to move on. When did it start though, when did your feelings about me change?” You breathed that last part out quickly.

“Uh I think it was when I got back from my Audition, we had that little celebration in the kitchen. You believed in me so much and I remember thinking how I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life with you. What about you, when did it start?” He asked, running his finger gently across your arm.

“I had feelings for you that night at the bakery but it didn’t solidify until we were in the park that night we wrote the letters, when I knew you at least at some point felt some way about me.” You said, your heart fluttering at the fond memory.

“Can I be honest?” you said, sitting up now.

“‘Always.” He said, his expression matching yours in seriousness.

“I’m worried we’re not gonna be compatible the same as we were when we were friends.” You said sheepishly, drawing circles in the sand with your finger.

“Where you the person I was just kissing? Did you see that chemistry?” Harry asked, lifting your chin with his finger so you’d meet his eyes. When you were starting to tear up again he pulled you into his lap again.

“Hey, were gonna be alright. This time I mean it. I’ve got you and I don’t intend on letting you go.”

You grabbed his face again and planted a kiss to his cheek, then his other cheek, then the tip of his nose and finally to his lips. You murmured a low “We’ll be alright” to his lips.

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flashbackharry · 4 years

Text

Here, there and Everywhere

Best friends to lovers

5.4k words

Masterlist

“You’re locking up right?” He asked. You slowly nodded.

“I'll be by tomorrow night to let you know how it went.” He said, kissing your cheek and walking out the door.

***

You pointed to the “Sorry We’re Closed” sign on the window and pouted, gesturing to your imaginary watch that it was after hours.

“Haha, let me in.” He said, his voice muffled because he was outside the glass.

You unlocked the door and he stood there, staring.

“So?” You said, biting your lip, nervous for him.

What happened next happened so fast you couldn’t relay it.

One minute he was staring at you, the next your body was half way in the air, held together by Harry's arms wrapped tightly around your torso while he simultaneously screamed,

“I got through! I’m gonna be famous!”

You begged Harry to put you down through a fit of giggles. You put both your hands on his cheeks, grabbing his face. He looked longingly into your eyes.

“I’m so so proud of you bub.” You said, hugging him again.

“Ready to go?” he asked, once you pulled back from the hug.

“Tonight? We celebrate.” You said, clinking his glass against yours.

You both got drunk that night. Taking the glass with you after locking the store up. You walked the streets late, stumbling and giggling.

“Don’t forget me when you're famous.” You said, pausing once you both realized you were outside your house.

Harry narrowed his eyes, “Can't forget you when you're right beside me.” You smiled at that and hugged him goodnight. You pulled away first, again, there was that pause. You looked at his lips, and bit yours. He narrowed his eyes again, a pout forming on his lips. You were drunk, and exhausted and needed some sleep.

“Good night Styles.” You said, letting him go fully and walking up your driveway to your house.

***

You smiled sadly at that memory now. Heartbroken. That was 4 years ago and today you just found out the girl you've been with for the past year was cheating on you the whole time. You called Harry and when he heard one word spill from your trembling lips, he said he was on his way. You’ve just been balled up on the couch now, reminiscing and trying not to leave her a nasty voicemail, but you couldn’t find it in your heart to even do that. Not sure if it was the surprise of the fact you’ve been lied to this whole time, or that you believed all those lies.

A knock at the door pulled you out from your thoughts. You went to open it and it was Harry. One look at him and your shoulders sunk, you sighed and tears threatened to spill again.

“C’mere.” Harry whispered. Pulling you into a hug. He closed the door behind him with one hand. You stood in the front entrance, underneath the light. It was late.

“Have you eaten anything today?” He asked, his voice sounding concerned.

“Lets go.” He said. Grabbing your coat off the coat rack, putting it on you.

“Where?” You asked.

“To get some food.” He said, motioning you to put your shoes on.

You did and in 10 minutes, you were walking the streets of London late at night.

It was difficult finding a place that was open so late and so after walking in circles for a bit, you both stumbled on a Chinese Restaurant that was doing take out only. It would have to suffice.

“How’d you find out?” He said after you guys sat and ate in silence for a little bit. You were just pushing around the food with your fork now, already a bit full.

“The other girl she was cheating on me with found my number in her phone and asked if I was the other girl.” Harry winced like it physically pained him to hear it.

“Ouch, I’m so sorry Y/n. I never got the best vibes from her.” He said, grabbing your hand over the table, running his thumb across yours.

“Yeah.” Was all you said. You sat in silence again.

“Did you love her?” Harry asked, his eyes searching yours.

“I think I was beginning to. Oh God, am I that stupid? Why didn’t I see it?”

“Hey, none of that. None of this is your fault. She's the shitty human being who fucked up, not you, okay?” Harry said, his voice rising a little.

“We are going to write letters addressed to people we’ve loved in the past and then burn them.” He said, pen in hand, already beginning to write the first sentence.

“This is dumb Haz.” You said, grabbing the pen anway, beginning to write.

“Shhh no talking.” He said.

After writing in silence for about 15 minutes Harry looked up and asked if you were done, you met his eyes and nodded.

He took out the lighter he had in his coat pocket and lit it.

“Wait! Who did you write about?” You asked questioningly. Your mind going through his past lovers.

“Not important.” He said before lighting it again.

“Harry that's not fair, you know who I’m writing about.” You said whining a little, hoping he'd fall for it.

“It's not important bub, I’m trying to move on that's all.”

“But you tell me everything, we said no secrets.” You said, actually disheartened now.

“Fine, wanna know? It's Felicity, from year 9 remember? She really did a number on me.” He said, smiling. You weren't having none of it.

“I’ve been lied to enough, Harry, not you too.” You grabbed your things and started walking in the other direction. Harry's entire mood shifted. He ran after you.

“Wait! Y/n, wait up.” He was in front of you now.

“Its you, okay? He huffed. His eyes searching yours.

You looked at him. Not knowing what to do. Your heart hitched in your chest.

“It was when we were younger, when we both worked at the bakery. I had a thing for you..but you never reciprocated so I gave up.” He said in a shaky breath. You remember. You liked being his friend, in fact he was your only friend and you knew it was going to be something so special that you'd never want to lose, so you didn’t risk it. Didn’t want to.

“Obviously I don't feel that way still. You’re my best mate Y/n, I would never.” He said quickly when he noticed you weren’t saying anything. You didn't know why you were hurt by that last statement but you couldn’t help the aching you felt in your heart right now. Anyhow, you quickly shook the feeling and grabbed the lighter from his pocket, setting flame to the letter in your hand. Once you saw the ashes die down and turn into dust, you handed the lighter to Harry.

“You don’t wanna read it?” Harry asked, his voice sounding surprised.

You shook your head.

“Do you want me to?” You asked. You figured whatever he said in that letter could unravel something in both of you and suddenly you were regretting guilt tripping him into telling you.

Harry didn’t respond, instead he just took the lighter from your hand and set the paper alight.

The walk back to your flat was a silent one. Harry spent the night on the couch and you were afraid this was only the beginning.

***

One Year Later:

“Harry?” You cooed from below him. He was sitting on the couch and you were sat criss crossed on the rug, a journal in your lap as you wrote down the ideas that came flowing out of him.

“I know it's tough, but we have to put a dent on the final song today. You're so close. Just write what she made you feel.” You finished.

He looked down at you, and leaned forward.

“Temptress.” He said through gritted teeth. You jotted that down quickly in your journal. Progress.

You worked diligently for the next 2 hours, and may or may not have had a mini dance break to Fleetwood Mac, which in hindsight helped immensely .

“Harry I think you're done…” You said slowly, trying to suppress your smile.

“We're done?” Harry asked.

“Yeah you've got a great bridge, you got down the chorus, you still have to figure out the instrumental part but-” You were cut off by someone's lips on yours.

Harrys.

You put your hand on Harry's chest and broke the kiss.

“Harry.. We can’t” You said softly.

“Why not, we've never in the past because there was always someone else, now there's no one else.”

“Wait what?. We can’t because you're my best friend. And you're sad, and just ended a very serious relationship and I’m not your fucking rebound, I’m your best friend.” You said, getting up off the floor. Harry also got up, you could tell he was getting revved up.

“Look at me and tell me you don’t love me Y/n” He said, his voice shaking.

You pushed him off you and stepped away.

“It's not that I don’t love you, its that I can’t be the one to mess this up, I don’t wanna lose you and I know me and I know you and we will fucking crash and burn Harry.” You bent down to try and grab your things again and this time Harry didn’t stop you. Tears began to slip from your eyes and you wiped away at them while you were putting your remaining things in your bag, your hands shaking.

You felt a gentle hand close over yours. Harry picked your bag up, and grabbed your hand to help you up off the floor. You took your bag from him slowly.

“Will we be okay?” You asked, your voice breaking.

Harry gave you a small smile.

“We’ll be alright.” He said, and with that you walked out.

***

It's been one week since the kiss that transpired between you and Harry in the studio room.

You talked over the phone later that night and although awkward at first, it was a conversation you needed to have.

You both listed all the reasons why the two of you dating would be a bad idea.

“If things got bad between us I’d have to stop seeing Anne and I don’t think I’m ready to give up Anne.” You said and Harry laughed softly.

“If things got bad between us” Harry started, “I think Mitch might actually choose you over me.” and it was your turn to laugh.

You went on like that for a little while longer, the sun was about to rise when you both got done talking.

“I’m sorry, you were right. I rather have you in my life as my best friend than not at all.”

You paused and thought about what to say next.

“I love you H, good night.” You said sleepily and hung up.

Things felt different, because they were different, but like Harry said, you’d be all alright.

***

It's been 6months now since the rift in your friendship with Harry happened. From a complete outsider's perspective, you guys were the same, nothings changed. But between the two of you, things were..off.

“Are you sure guys are okay?” Mitch pulled you aside one day while you were over at Sarah's place.

“Yes, we're fine Mitch, I promise.” You said raising your eyebrows back when he raised his.

“Okay...only asking cause he seems.. Different. Sad.”Mitch said softly.

Your heart sank.

“I'll talk to him.” Was all you said.

Which is why when Ezra, the sound guy from the studio asked you out on a date, you said yes.

“Oh how pretty! Someones got a hot date huh?” Sarah said from the couch where she was snuggled in Mitch's neck. Harry must’ve been in the bathroom. You figured this was your chance to leave before he came out.

“Thank you! Gotta go! Wish me luck!” You said and with that you were out the door.

***

After your date, Ezra walked you back to your flat, he leaned down to give you a kiss, you panicked and he ended up kissing your cheek. You started blushing and he looked down, confused.

“Goodnight” You said, biting your inner cheek and unlocking the door to your flat.

“Night.” He called after you and began to walk away.

You turned around, hoping he too would turn around. He didn’t.

A knock at the door pulled you away from your thoughts. Maybe it was Ezra returning to give you a proper kiss.

You opened the door, and Harry's face appeared, his eyes were glossy, almost as if he had been crying before, and he smelled of liquor.

“Ezra? Really Y/n? My fucking sound guy!” He said angrily, slamming his hand on the door as he got the last part out

“Harry, I-” You started but he cut you off.

You went back into your flat and slammed the door, not caring it was nearly 2 am, and sunk to the floor.

***

You hadn’t seen Harry in two months since he came to your apartment drunk and severed your friendship.

Not even a peek at him in two months. Whenever your friends invited you to things, your first question was always, “Will Harry be there?” If they said yes, you politely declined the invitation.

“You can't avoid him forever. You’ve known him since forever, he's your best friend.” Sarah whined. You were sitting around the dining table making art collages.

“I can damn well try. He wanted this, I’m just respecting his wishes.” You said, suddenly angry.

“Well, do you know what next friday is?” She asked slowly.

“Cinco de Mayo?” You furrowed your brows in confusion.

“No..” She said, raising her eyebrow at you.

You paused a moment to think. Then it hit you.

“Oh! It's your birthday!” You exclaimed.

“Yes, and I’m inviting the both of you and you're both coming.” The air suddenly left the room as you processed what she just told you.

“It's your birthday so I won't make it about me and my melodrama but just know, I hate you so much right now.” You said getting up and placing a strand of her behind her ear.

“I love you too.” She called after you, laughing.

You spent the next week pacing your floorboards till they had a distinctive creak to them.

***

Sarah's birthday party was a weekend getaway at her parents beach house.

You sat in the backseat, Mitch was driving and the birthday girl was in the passenger seat.

You pulled into the house's driveway, it was a modest size house, the most beautiful part of it was the ocean it overlooked a few feet away. You've always had a fascination with the ocean, it always brought you peace. It was dusk the sun was setting and it’d be night soon.

You walked into the house, you had packed a small bag considering you'd only be here for two days max. You took the room in the attic, it was recently renovated so it didn't look much like an attic but you liked how you still had to pull the stairs down to get up there. You were tired but you felt gross so you brought a change of clothes with you and hopped in the shower, hoping the hot steam would clear your mind.

After your too long of a long shower, you realized you couldn't stay up here during the entirety of your stay, that would make Sarah sad and today was all about her. So you swallowed your pride and went downstairs where everyone was, music was playing and you heard the clashing of plates. Dinner.

You walked in and everyone was around the table. Mitch and Sarah sat side by side, Jeff was there with his wife, Charlotte and Adam were there as well as their dates. And Harry.

He sat next to Mitch, on the opposite side of Sarah. He was teasing them about something because Mitch was pushing his hand away from his hair and rolling his eyes playfully.

“Ah, look who's done from the longest shower ever.” Sarah said, giving you a smile.

You smiled and walked over to take a seat at the other end of the table. You felt Harry's eyes follow you to your seat. The whole room was watching the small exchange between the two of you. You've never felt so uncomfortable in a room with the people you loved the most. You wanted to go back upstairs and crawl under the covers. Your hair was still damp and you had on jeans and a t-shirt you were covering with a zip up hoodie, still you felt bare.

Adam fixed you a plate and gave you a small reassuring smile, you returned it and ate slowly.

“Any requests?” Harry called out over to the group.

“Beatles. Eleanor Rigby?” Jeff asked.

“Mhmm I dont know that one on guitar.” Harry admitted, his eyes scanning everyone.

“Let it be?” Adam asked, he was poking a stick at the fire.

“So we're sticking with The Beatles?” Harry said, pulling his phone out to search their discography.

“Here, There and Everywhere?” You asked.

Harry's head snapped up, his eyes met yours, he just held it and parted his lips as if to say something but nothing was coming out. He slipped his phone back into his pocket and grabbed the neck of the guitar, tuning it. You thought he was ignoring you but then minutes later, the beginning strum of the song played softly. You listened softly. Everyone joined in on the “Oooo” parts of the song and Harry sang beautifully.

“There, running my hands through her hair

Both of us thinking how good it can be

Someone is speaking

But she doesn't know he's there”

“I want her everywhere

And if she's beside me I know I need never care

But to love her is to need her everywhere”

…

“Each one believing that love never dies

Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there

“I will be there

And everywhere

Here, there and everywhere”

Harry's eyes never left yours during the entire duration of the song. It was painful to keep his gaze, wanting nothing more than to break it. Slow tears were streaming down your eyes now. You didn’t even bother wiping them away. Harry's eyes were also watery. When the song ended, Harry kept his hand on the guitar, he looked down now and you couldn’t do it anymore. You excused yourself and started walking in the opposite direction. Your shoes were off and the sand felt nice.

You walked until the fire was merely a small speck in the distance. You sat down, close to the water but no too close so the water hit you. You pulled your knees to your chest. You saw a figure walking towards you, it was Harry. He must've also excused himself and walked away minutes after you did. He had his hands in his trouser pockets. He looked conflicted.

He leaned down and occupied the space next to you.

He put his hand in your lap, his palm out. You looked down at it, pausing before lacing your fingers through his. He pulled your hand to his lips and kissed it before guiding it to his lap.

“I’m sorry.” You said.

“I’m sorry too.” He said, his eyes piercing yours.

“How did we end up like this?” You cried out, letting out a pathetic laugh while lifting your head up to the sky.

“I don’t know,I do know that I've missed you.” Harry said. You looked at him, holding his gaze, your eyes looked over his face. The bags under his eyes were darker than usual. 2 months is a long time to not look at someone's face. You decided to just say the thing that's been on your mind this whole time.

“Harry?” You whispered, leaning your head on his shoulder, your hand still in his lap. He was playing with your fingers absentmindedly.

“Mhmm” He murmured, you felt his voice rumble through to youyour chest because of his proximity.

“I love you so much. And I think it's taken me so long to admit that we are just more than just friends because I didn’t want to lose you but maybe it just means I get to love you in a different way. I think we could be more, and if you're willing to try...I would like that.” You lifted your head from his shoulder and pulled yourself into his lap. A leg hanging from each side. You held his face into your hands. He was smiling softly, looking as if he were about to cry any second now. He slowly nodded his head and you felt your hands move.

“Yes, I would like that.” He said, biting his lip.

“May I?” You whispered against his lips, a breath away from kissing him. Harry didn't answer. Instead he closed the gap between the two of you.

Your lips met and danced in a paced and calculated manner. His tongue wrestled with yours. It was warm and you could taste the bitter sweet alcohol you both had consumed earlier. You pulled away only ever to catch your breath. This was nothing like the kiss you shared almost a year ago, no this one wasn't rushed, this one wasn't a surprise but in a sense, it also was because you weren't just kissing your best friend, you were kissing the great love of your life, your soulmate, the only person you ever wanted to be with. As if making up for lost time, you kissed if this would be your last. Harry pulled away ever so slightly to bite your bottom lip and he moved to your neck, your arms were wrapped around his neck and he put one hand on your neck and the other on your waist only to move you to the sand as he hovered above you, all while his mouth never left your lips or neck.

“I’m so glad we waited all those years, that kiss almost made all the agony worth it.” Harry said, chuckling.

You smiled and put a hand to his chest.

“We should go back, they probably think we killed each other or something.” You said, starting to get up. Harry pulled you back into him.

“Lie here with me, I wanna remember this some more.” He whispered. He looked peaceful and content, you were happy you were the reason. You obliged, placing a kiss behind his ear.

You sat watching the sky and listening to the sound of the waves. It was a while before anyone said anything, your breathing was in sync. Then Harry spoke again.

“Wait, you're not still with sound guy right?” Harry asked, pretending he forgot his name.

You laughed and pinched his side before answering.

“Ezra and No, I wouldn’t kiss you if I was still in a relationship.” You said and Harry smiled at how kind you were.

“Remember that letter I never read about me that you burned?” You asked.

Harry nodded.

“You said you were just trying to move on. When did it start though, when did your feelings about me change?” You breathed that last part out quickly.

“Can I be honest?” you said, sitting up now.

“‘Always.” He said, his expression matching yours in seriousness.

“I’m worried we’re not gonna be compatible the same as we were when we were friends.” You said sheepishly, drawing circles in the sand with your finger.

“Hey, were gonna be alright. This time I mean it. I’ve got you and I don't intend on letting you go.”

You grabbed his face again and planted a kiss to his cheek, then his other cheek, then the tip of his nose and finally to his lips. You murmured a low “We’ll be alright” to his lips.

#harry styles fluff #harry styles one shot #one direction #writing #harry styles #harry styles blurb #harry styles imagines #solo harry #harry styles imagine #harry styles angst #harry styles smut

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flashbackharry · 4 years

Text

Eleven Things You Love About Him

Masterlist:

1: The way he’s so attentive to your every mood and slight changes in tone or demeanor. How he’ll stop exactly what he’s doing to go make sure you’re okay. Whether that’s at a party or in an interview, he’ll just turn his head and slightly narrow his eyes, searching your face-no words ever had to be exchanged, you both knew what it meant.

2: How he knows when to push your limits and when to stop. Sometimes it’s for your own good, sometimes you don’t believe in yourself enough and he’s always right there, nudging you to keep going. And other times, he knows just by the look on your face that he’s gone too far and he quietly recedes.

3: How he knows when you're particularly anxious about something you stop communicating altogether. Go silent and often stare in space. When that happens he’ll stand directly in your line of vision and not move until you meet his eyes. He’ll grab your face and force you to talk about what's making you anxious out loud, “it helps more than you can understand right now, so tell me love, out with it.”

4: How when you’re going for a walk and he spots paparazzi or anyone who comes a little too close for his liking, he’ll hold your hand even tighter, only when you say “stop that bub” will he lighten on his grip but most of the time he’ll go right back to it. Almost like it’s a natural reaction; keeping you safe.

5: How he loves taking photos of you on disposables. “why take so many if it takes you months to go and get them developed” you ask and he responds “it’s the process of waiting that makes it special love, it’s about being surprised to get your roll back”. He’ll always have more than one disposable on him, stopping in the streets to take a photo of you and you blushing because you’re in public, to which he just responds “wanna remember this baby”

6: The late night runs you’d make with him to the bodega down the block because he had a sweet tooth that just needed to be satisfied. He’d wake you up in the middle of night, poking you and you just knew what it meant. It got to the point that the clerk knew you guys by name, also partly because Harry introduced himself upon your very first visit.

7: Speaking of introductions. On days you’d go with Harry on set, he would always leave a few hours early to go over and greet everyone, he always listened intently to every word everyone had to say and even when he was running late to another event, he would never rush the person he was talking to.

8: When you and Harry fought and the fight got particularly heated, Harry would always clench his hands, a sign he didn’t know what to do with them, so he’d walk out of whatever room you were in, grab his running shoes and go for a run. When he’d return, he always came back much calmer and ready to makeup.

9: Sometimes it physically pained him to see you so hurt. He especially hated when you were disappointed in him, at least when you were angry you’d make it known he fucked up, but not speaking to him drove him up the wall. So in those times, he would find you standing or sitting and make you meet his eyes, not letting you go until you knew how much he was sorry.

10: Sometimes when he was away on tour and missed you he’d call your family members or your friends and ask one of them to take you out to lunch or buy you flowers-on him.It was always at the most random times and each time it’d happen you’d give him a ring and ask “What was that for?” to which he always replied “Just missing my baby”.

11: When Harry got jealous, which was kinda often, he would pout like a child and you knew exactly what that meant. You’d tell him he was all yours, wholeheartedly yours and no one else. Usually it was in public so you’d have to whisper sweet nothings in his ear, or grab his hand at random times, as well as mouth I love you across the room when you got separated at parties. When he was still feeling jealous in the car on the way home, you’d make him pull over and kiss his pout away. “That’s more like it.” He’d say with a shit eating grin.

#Harry Styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #one direction #solo harry #writing #harry styles smut

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flashbackharry · 4 years

Text

You need sleep

Prompt 21

21.“You need sleep”

sorry couldnt sleep and ended up yearning.

Masterlist:

You can request a prompt from this list.

It was game night. There was never really a true schedule to game night. Usually it was whenever everyone had one too many drinks in their system and were down to play some games for too long before someone got particularly heated and then everyone would go to bed. Tonight the living room was filled with snacks and possibly every kind of alcohol you could name. You were at Harry's house, all his band mates were in attendance, and few other people you've met a couple times as well as some new faces.

The game you were all currently playing was charades musical edition. It was your turn and the artist you got out of the hat was Bob Marley, you tried miming smoking a joint and instantly everyone screamed a billion names at you, it was hard when you yourself were a little tipsy having about 13 people who were also drunk yelling incoherent things at you. You were about to give up when you felt your phone vibrating in your pocket.

“No showing us pictures on your phone” Someone yelled from the audience.

You ignored them because your sister was calling you. She never called for no reason. You picked up as you were walking out of the living room to go someplace quieter, paying no mind to the boos that followed.

You took a deep breath and answered.

“Hello?”

“Moms in the hospital agai- are you at a party right now?” Your sister said, her voice going from grave to vaguely annoyed. That was her alright, ever the queen of passive aggressiveness.

“Yeah, believe it or not my life continues on without you guys, and is she okay?” You said, your heartbeat quickening.

She let out a huff of air before speaking again.

“She escaped the facility she was in and they found her 4 miles away in some run down part of the city, trying to check into a hotel under the name of Audrey Hepburn.” Your stomach clenched a little at the sound of the news.

“They gave her some sedatives but doctors are thinking it's only going to get worse from here. They didn't say that exactly because they're doctors, they kinda have to be optimistic but I could tell from their facial expressions.”

You didn't respond to her. Partly because you didn't know what to say. You took your mom in when things started getting bad 4 years ago, but once she tried setting your apartment on fire in the middle of the night, you realized you couldn't help her to the best of your ability anymore. So you checked her into a mental health facility and made your sister her health care proxy. She's resented you for it ever since, but you couldn't bear making life changing decisions on behalf of your mom, you just couldn't stomach it.

“Hello? Did you even hear a word I just said? God y/n, I don't have to call and keep updating you on her, I can just leave you in the dark but I'm sure you'd actually prefer that.” She said, her tone growing more and more impatient with every second that passed.

“Don’t say that, of course I care, what do you want me to say? I’m sorry?” You pleaded, tears threatened to spill from your eyes now.

“Forget it y/n, go back to your party.” And with that, she hung up.

You felt your insides tighten and suddenly it felt like you couldn’t breathe. You were full on having a breakdown in Harry's back patio. You sat down on the stoop and pulled your knees close to your chest. Trying to remember the breathing exercises you learned in therapy but when that failed you resorted to slowly counting the number of times you exhaled.

You heard the sliding door open and Harry walked over to you and sat down, worry laced his facial features but you could tell he was trying to mask it. He was your best friend after all, whenever either one of you were hurting, it was like a visceral reaction in the other.

“Missed you out there, they got the karaoke machine out.” He said softly. You closed your eyes and he was right, you heard the music playing in the distance, followed by a random off key voice.

“Is it your mum again?”

Harry was well versed in your family drama. He knew you when you took your mom in, knew the physical and mental toll the role of being her caregiver was. You never got enough sleep when caring for her, always afraid she would do something while you were sleeping, until one night she did. It was Harry who encouraged you to check her in somewhere, pleading with you to do so, he was so worried she would end up being the cause of your death.

After the incident with your apartment happened, Harry took you in. He never formally asked you to move in, it was just understood between the two of you that that was what was happening. He helped you find a therapist, to help with anxiety attacks and insomnia you had. You didn't feel guilty for doing what you had to do, but God did your sister make you feel like the worst person alive.

You filled Harry in on the phone conversation you just had. He listened intently, never interrupting and holding your hand whenever you got to a particularly difficult part to talk about outloud. You didn't know whether it was the alcohol or the exhaustion that usually followed from having an anxiety attack but you wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and forget this all happened.

As if reading your mind, Harry stood up, grabbing your hand and murmured against your ear,

“You need sleep, let's get you into bed.”

Harry walked behind you and led you up the stairs, past the group of people still lingering in the living room.

“Were gonna call it a night but you guys have fun, keep it down a bit though.” Harry said to them. His friends began to woo after him, assuming you were going up stairs to fuck. It was hard to explain to them that you guys weren't a couple, you just had a connection so strong and went beyond the basic labels of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend''. Simply put, you were never gonna love any one more than Harry and the same went for him.

When you got upstairs, you walked into Harry's room instead of yours. He helped you get out of your clothes for the day and into something more comfortable. He dug into his drawers and after some rummaging he found an old band tee for you to wear. You took your jeans off, your bottom half in nothing but your underwear.

He turned around towards you and tugged at the shirt you were wearing and you put your arms up as he lifted it off your shoulders, frizzing your hair in the process. Goosebumps raised on your skin as the room got colder and Harry pulled the oversized long sleeve tee over you quickly, when your head emerged from the hole you both paused as you looked at each other for a moment. A small smile appeared from his lips and you returned it. He wrapped his arms around you, a tight hug, the kind you could feel deep in your bones. He walked you back towards the bed, never breaking the hug until you were both under the covers.

He pressed a kiss into your temple, his arms still wrapped around you. You couldn’t sleep most nights, and when you did, it was never for more than a few hours at a time. But when you slept in the same bed as Harry, you slept through the whole night. Rarely any intrusive thoughts, when you did happen to get them, Harry always reassured you you were safe and softly, he would soothe you back to sleep. You felt the way he cared about you in every crevice of your body, and you were so glad to love and be loved by him.

#Harry Styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles au #writing #one direction

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flashbackharry · 4 years

Text

i wrote smth cute and fluffy so now i’m back on brand with my usual angsty heart breaking stuff, so any suggestions! send it please... i wanna physically be in pain writing it...

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flashbackharry · 4 years

Note

Do you maybe have a masterlist?🥺👉🏻👈🏻💞

here you go love! masterlist.

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flashbackharry · 4 years

Text

Quarantine

Prompt 51 and 52:

51. “Are you still awake…?”

52. “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

Thank you @woopboopboop for requesting, I’m sorry its so late :(

You can request a prompt from this list:

Masterlist:

As much as you didn’t want to admit it, you didn’t take quarantine as seriously in the beginning as you should have. You begged Harry to take you to museums and the beach and he obliged of course, only wanting to make you happy. It wasn't until the death tolls started climbing day by day, and in England where you were currently staying with Harry and his family, it was even worse. Now you turned somewhat into a hypochondriac, making Harry wash his hands after he’d come back from a run, to which Harry responded,

“I didn’t touch anything love.” Still, he washed his hands after seeing you start to bite your lower lip in anxiety.

Staying with Anne, Gemma, and her fiance in Harry's childhood home was nice. It was in a secluded area surrounded by trees but not so far making a walk to the nearest cafe only about 20 minutes. Not that that mattered, everything was closed up due to concerns surrounding the virus.

You tried giving yourself somewhat of a routine. You tried not sleeping past 8am, although when you woke up, Harry was just coming back from his run. He suggested you run with him in the mornings to which you smiled and simply said,

“I don’t run”.

You did however take up cooking and cooked breakfast for everyone most mornings, usually before Anne beat you to it. This particular morning when Harry came back from his run, his headphones hanging from his neck, his shirt was lightly covered in sweat, his hair a roused mess atop his head. He walked over to where you were cutting up onions and bell peppers at the kitchen counter for the scrambled eggs you were making. He kissed your temple and asked

“So, what's on the agenda for today?”

“Mhmm, maybe some poetry at two? Gardening at 5, maybe a stroll around the neighborhood at dusk?” You said teasingly although all sounded very appeasing.

Harry leaned against the counter and chuckled, eating some of the fruit you had cut up earlier.

“Sounds lovely, did you just come up with that yourself?” He asked, getting up from against the counter and hugging you from behind, peppering kisses to your neck as you giggled.

“Very cute guys, but please, I just woke up.” Gemma said from the doorway, walking over and taking a seat on a stool where the island was.

“Oh shush, you and Michal were very PDA-ey when you first got together.”Harry retaliated.

“Yes we were, then we had the sense to stop.”Gemma said, blowing a kiss over to you and winking.

“Yeah well, I will never hide my love for this one.” Harry said, kissing your shoulder. You pushed him away, your cheeks reddening a little.

“I love you, but please go shower bub.” You said pinching his cheek.

Harry removed his hand from your lower back and with a little protesting, he walked out of the kitchen, not of course without ruffling Gemma's hair on his way out.

Michal came down shortly after Harry disappeared and took a seat next to Gemma.

“Morning sleepy head.” She said as he planted a kiss to her head.

You loved watching them interact, as much as she teased you and Harry, she was the same as you guys. Unabashedly in love with their significant other.

“Something smells good.” Michal said smiling over to you.

“Breakfast is served.” You said, handing them their plates of scrambled eggs with a side of toast.

“Where would we be without you?” Gemma asked with such conviction you couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. Then she smiled and you returned it.

“Not as good as your mums but at least it's edible right?” You said right when Anne walked in, and you started blushing again.

“None of that darling, there was a period they hated my cooking if you can believe it.” She said giving you a kiss on the cheek before also sitting down. You smiled again. Pouring her a cup of coffee. You couldn’t help being nervous around your boyfriend's mom, even after all these years, but just like Harry, she always proved you had nothing to be nervous about.

“Yeah cause you started experimenting with that vegan shit mum.” Gemma said and Anne laughed out loud.

“Language Gem.” Was all she said, before sneaking you a wink.

Harry came down moments later, sporting his attire for the day, his hair damp from the water. He actually did dress up everyday, unlike you who sported a new one of his jumpers every few days or so.

“It makes a difference, really.” He told you one day while he was getting dressed, he glanced at you on the bed through the mirror he was facing.

“You just wanna show everyone your impeccable taste in fashion.” You said, teasing him. You watched as he laughed and poked his tongue out at you.

“Morning mum.” He said, walking over to Anne wrapping his arms around her while she sat holding her cup of hot coffee.

Harry walked over to you and sat on your lap while he grabbed some of your food from your plate. Smiling with his mouth full.

“Going grocery shopping today, any last requests?” Anne said. You peered over from Harry's lanky torso, towards Anne.

“Some more greek yoghurt please, someone keeps eating it despite saying how gross it is everytime.” You said, pinching Harry's side lightly.

“Ow!” Harry yelped.

“Can Michal and I just go with you mum? I never know what I want until I’m actually there.” She said, getting up from her seat and grabbing her and Michals plate and bringing it over to the sink.

“Yeah sure, I’m leaving in about 10 so hurry up.” She said, also getting up and walking out of the kitchen.

Gemma walked over to you and lifted your chin with one of her hands,

“Thanks for breakfast darling.” before walking out with Michal.

“I think that means we have the house to ourselves for about an hour.” Harry said, getting up from your lap. You let out a breath of air you didn't know you were holding in.

You took the remaining plates off the island and brought them over to the sink. Harry rinsed them after you went over them with a soapy sponge.

“Can I give you a haircut?” You asked.

“Absolutely not.” Harry said almost instantly.

“Why not?” You whined, frowning a bit.

“Because I dont wanna have to go bald trying to cover up the inevitable mistake you're going to make, besides, I think I might grow it out again, God knows how long we're gonna be stuck here for.” Harry said.

“Rude.” You responded, taking your hands out of the soapy water and instead running them through his unruly curls. Harry yelped again and splashed warm water from the sink at you. The fight ended with both of you slightly soaked and giggling.

When the rest of them got back from the grocery store, you helped put away all the groceries and the rest of your day was spent doing relatively nothing. You sat in the living room and watched way too many episodes of Seinfeld, you and Harry tried cooking some new recipe from a cookbook you had laying around and when that didn't end up going very well, you had to order a pizza. Harry had a few meetings later in the night over facetime so he was upstairs in the study doing that.

It was around 1am when you started feeling tired, so you headed into the bathroom and started getting ready for bed. The hot water felt nice against your skin.

When you finally got out of the bathroom and walked into the bedroom, everyone else's doors were closed, no doubt already asleep by now. You hadn't noticed how long you were in the shower until you glanced at the clock. It was nearly 2:30.

Yet Harry was nowhere to be found. You figured he was still on facetime with Jeff so you decided to go to sleep anyway.

***

It was nearly 4 when you felt a finger poking your side.

“Are you still awake?” Harry's deep voice filled your ears.

You opened your eyes and looked at his head looming over you above the covers. You closed your eyes again hoping he’d get the hint that you wanted to go back to sleep.

“I'm not gonna stop poking you until you give me attention.” He said, laying his head on the pillow and staring at the ceiling. You sighed and faced him.

“Whats up Harry?” You said, grabbing his hand under the covers.

“I can’t sleep.” He said, meeting your eyes.

“Wanna have sex?” You said smiling, half joking half not.

Harry chuckled softly, the corners of his eyes crinkling, and he spoke again,

“Wanna come watch the sunrise with me?” He said, lifting his hand to move a piece of hair from your face. You glanced at the clock, you did have about an hour and a half until the sun would be up again.

You smiled at him and nodded your head.

You both got ready quietly. You put one of his jumpers on again and a pair of joggers before heading downstairs to find your slippers. Harry met you at the bottom of the stairs, he already had his shoes on. Once you found your slippers Harry opened the front door quietly, locking it behind you. He took your hand in his as you both walked down the driveway.

The ground was damp as it had rained a little earlier yesterday afternoon. A thin layer of dew covered the grass and you instantly regretted wearing slippers because you knew they were going to be soaked. It was eerily quiet and peaceful, that period of time in the morning where you could hear the birds beginning to chirp but if you listened hard enough, you could hear a few lingering crickets.

You walked the quiet rural streets, the houses here were far apart from each other, seeing nothing but rolling green hills for what felt like forever before seeing another house. You found a bench after walking for 30 minutes or so. Harry sat down, pulling you into his lap. You rested your head against his. The sun barely peeking over the horizon.

“How was your call with Jeff and the others?”

Harry sighed, wrapping his arms tighter around your torso.

“It was okay. He asked if I wanted to fly back to L.A before this stuff gets worse, quarantine there.”

You tired not feeling a little sad before asking,

“And are you?”

“Politely told him no. It's not often I get an opportunity to spend long periods of time doing nothing with my family and you. Told him if he really needed me in person I’d come but if I can do my job here, at home, that I would appreciate that.” Harry finished.

You didn't say anything back right away, instead started peppering kisses into his neck, you whispered “I love you” into his ear and Harry's lips met yours. He kissed you slowly, the sun now illuminating the entire sky. He whispered “I love you more” into your mouth.

You stayed sat on the bench well after the sun had already risen. Not saying anything, playing with the many rings on his fingers. Harry pulled you up off his lap and took your hands guiding you back to the house.

Once your feet hit the ground you whispered a little “Oh.”, wincing a little.

“What's wrong?” Harry asked, worry lacing his features.

“My slippers are wet and it feels like when you have socks on and step in something wet.”

Harrys turned his nose up, cringing. He took your hand and lifted you up until your feet touched the bench and you stood there, towering over him. He turned around and hoisted you on his back. You smiled as he carried you back to his mum's house.

“And they say chivalry is dead” You said jokingly and Harry breathed a laugh.

#Harry Styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #one direction #writing #solo harry

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flashbackharry · 4 years

Text

hi sorry i think i’m gonna finally write that quarantine piece today, i’ve been *trying* and failing to do my online assignments for school so i’ve just given up at this point lol if there’s anything else u guys wanna read, send it!!

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flashbackharry · 4 years

Text

Masterlist

Started: 05/16/20

Last updated:05/20/20

(most recent works are on the bottom of the list)

Mater of fact you should be here:

-In which you simply miss your boyfriend.

My turn:

-In which its Harrys birthday and youre excited to give him his gift.

Deep breaths:

-In which your son gets hurt and Harrys hears it from him and not you.

This is exhausting:

-In which Harry is a very caring best friend.

This is making me cry:

-In which your kids and Harry give you a birthday surpirse:

Maybe I’m tired, maybe I have been for a long time:

-In which you’re moping around after finding out your boyfriend cheated on you and Harry comes over to make you feel better, the night howver ends in a bloody fist..

I’m just getting used to you:

-In which you confess your love for Harry.

Tell me:

-In which you’re both waiting on the results of a pregnancy test.

Look at me.No, no, look at me:

-In which your daughter is scared of the storm.

Talking about me?:

-In which you’re nervous to meet Harrys mom.

Those two don’t mix well together:

-In which Harry learns how to parent a teenager.

I had a nightmare:

-In which Harry is on tour and you have a nightmare.

Thank you:

-In which Harry is sick and you take care of him:

I never meant to fall in love with you, I just did:

-In which you’re drunk at a bar and the bartender calls your emergency contact; your ex Harry.

May I have this dance?:

-In which you attend game night with all your friends and Harry, your best friend (whom you also have a crush on) attends..dateless.

Oh:

-In which you go to surprise Harry on tour but you end up being surprised yourself.

To the moon & back:

-In which you visit Harrys mom and things are weird between you two.

Holding on (part one):

-In which youre in an abusive relationship and Harry tries to help you get out of it.

Holding on (part two):

Its gonna hurt:

-In which Harrys childhood friend dies and you console him.

Break:

-In which you and Harry decide to take a break from your relationship.

Well its a good thing I’m marrying you:

-In which you’re sad about not having anyone to walk you down the aisle.

Postpartum Depression:

-In which you’re struggling with Postpartum Depression.

You’re my sanity:

-In which you’re worried about Harry experimenting with drugs.

Quarantine:

-In which you’re quarantining with Harry.

You need sleep:

-In which its game night and you get a phone call that sends you into a panic attack.

Eleven things you love about him:

Here, there and everywhere:

-A documented struggle between friends as they become lovers.

#some of these are so old im sorry if they're bad #Harry Styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagines #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #one direction #masterlist #solo harry #harry styles smut

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flashbackharry · 4 years

Note

okaaaaay but if you're writing something about being with h during quarantine, I suggest inserting dialogues 51 and 52 from the prompt 👀 👀 👀 I don't mean to be soft on main but thanks love 🙈

stop this is the cutest thing ever, writing it tonight thank u love 🥺

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flashbackharry · 4 years

Text

someone stop me before i write a piece abt harry during quarantine :// no but actually if u want that send me a message!

#harry styles blurb #harry styles one shot #taking requests

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flashbackharry · 4 years

Text

Prompt #74

“you’re my sanity”

Recommended song:

“Our way to fall” by Yo La Tengo.

Trigger Warning: Addiction

You weren't entirely sure where the buzzing sound came from. You had thought someone was knocking on the door but it didn’t quite sound like it. You adjusted yourself on the mattress before sitting up and realizing it was your phone. You had recently got into the habit of turning your phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ cause you were having trouble sleeping lately and your phone was certainly a big distraction. It was moments like these that having your phone on “Do Not Disturb’ was a bad idea.

You picked up your phone which was lying underneath your pillow, the glare from your screen causing you to squint. You saw you had 9 miscalls from Harry and 3 miscalls from Mitch. Your heart sped up and your mind went to the worst case scenario. It was a little past 2am and Harry had sent you a text right before you went to bed saying he was going to be staying a little late at the studio. You didn't mind, writing music was definitely a long tedious process and you couldn't really control what times he got inspired to write and record, so you understood it was a very arbitrary process. You decided to call Harry back first. It rang twice before going to voicemail. You tried again and the same thing happened. You swore under your breath while calling mitch.

“Heyyyyy” He said, sounding very drunk.

“Hey Mitch what's going on? Is everything alright?” You said, your voice hushed and worried. Your voice still raspy from sleep.

“Everythings great Y/n, just peachy actually.” Mitch was a very serious guy and didn’t talk much, he especially didn’t randomly call you so he most likely had to be under some sort of influence.

“Mitch, where is Harry?”

“Ohhhh, Harry, that's why I called you. His phone died but he's like totally freaking out right now, asking if you could pick him up.”

“What? Why? What happened Mitch?” You asked. Your anxiety growing fuller by the second.

“We might have tried some acid. Yeah he was like fine the first couple hours then he stopped talking and next thing you know he's like crying in the corner, now he's just sitting, kinda silent.” Mitch said, his words slurred and you couldn't hear most of what he was saying cause the background was so loud. Your heart sank once you heard he was experimenting with drugs. This was not like Harry and especially considering everything he knows about your past concerning drugs, a small part of you was angry and confused.

“I’m on my way Mitch.” and with that you hung up. Putting on a pair of sweats and one of Harry's hoodies.

You grabbed your phone and car keys and left your apartment. On the way there, your mind couldn't help but wonder towards all the awful things that could've happened. You lost your brother about 3 years ago, he struggled on and off with addiction. When you found out about his death, you and Harry were only friends. He drove you to the hospital, consoled you while you wept. Sat in his car with you for about an hour in silence while you hesitated going into your empty apartment.

You were only friends then but when Harry offered to sleep over you nodded your head before he even finished his sentence. You slept in the same bed and he held you until you fell asleep. Nothing sexaul, but it definitely was a transformative moment in your friendship. A moment that made you both realize you couldn't not be in each other's lives. You made him swear that night he would never get into drugs ever. He shifted in the sheets, turned the lamp on beside your bed and made you look up at him as he promised you he never would.

Fast forward to now, you were on your way to pick up your boyfriend who was having a bad trip at two am. Before you realized it you were crying, the street lights were turning into a blurry haze. The studio was relatively close to you and Harrys flat, so you got there in about 7 minutes, also because it was 2am so no one was on the roads. There weren't many people there, it probably just sounded like there was on the phone call with Mitch because of the loud music. Excluding Harry, it was just Mitch and Sarah there really. Everyone else must have left.

“Oh heyyy Y/n is here” Mitch called from the couch where he sat with Sarah.

You found Harry crouched down on the floor. He had a pair of headphones in and he looked...awful. His eyes were red and drooping. There was a thin line of sweat on his upper lip, his entire face was flushed. You crouched down in front of him and took his headphones off. He got startled before meeting your eyes and calming down.

“It's me honey.” You said, swinging his arm around your neck before trying to lift him gradually off the floor.

“Are we going home?” He asked you, his words low and slurred.

“Yeah, we're going home bub.” You whispered in his ear.

With Harry on your side you stumbled out the studio doors, bearing most of Harry's weight.

You opened the backseat of your car and buckled Harry in. You took his face in your hands once you were done buckling him in, his eyes looked exhausted.

“How do you feel?” You asked him.

“I’m sorry.” He said, his eyes watering up. Your heart hurt a little as he said that. You didn't quite know what to say. Obviously he knew the extent of his actions, he knew he hurt you tonight. But yet you still couldn't say anything. This was a conversation you had to have in the morning. You kissed him on the cheek and closed the car door, walking over to the driver's seat and driving home.

The whole ride home you kept stealing glances at him through the rear view mirror. Making sure he was still breathing. He seemed to be dozing off. You pulled into your driveway. Getting out of the driver's seat and walking over to Harry in the backseat.

You opened his door and unbuckled him, you heard soft snores escape him.

“Hey bub, we're home.” You whispered, shaking his shoulder a little bit to get him to open his eyes.

Once you made it inside you helped him strip his clothes off, putting a clean t-shirt on him and giving him a pair of sweats to sleep in. You went downstairs and filled a glass of water up, as well as grabbing two tabs of tylenol for the headache he was bound to get. When you made it back upstairs, Harry was already in bed, the covers up to his neck.

“Here, drink this.” You said sitting on the bed and handing him the glass of water and a one of the tabs of tylenol. He gently took it from you and downed the entire glass in about 3 seconds. Swallowing the tablet after.

You took the glass from him once he was done.

He held onto your hand for a little longer and that made you meet his gaze. He had sad eyes.

“Are you mad at me?”

“I’m not mad Harry, I’m just a little disappointed. Don’t worry about it right now though. Cmon, let's go to bed.” You said, pulling the sheets back and sliding in. You turned the lamp off and you felt Harry slide an arm around your waist. You fell asleep easily, your entire body aching. Your thoughts didn't stop, even when you were asleep. Your mind kept returning to all the possible outcomes of tonight, all the bad ones mostly. You knew getting a little high for creative inspo, especially when it concerns the making of music was not a new thing. All the great artists have done it. It was the stars who used even while not making music that stuck with you.

Sure it was just acid now, but it was also just a little weed and alcohol for your brother in the beginning as well and look where he ended up.You feared seeing “Harry Styles:Dead at 26” on the front page. Your heart clenched at the thought of it. Memories of your brother came flooding. You didn’t want the same circumstances happening to the love of your life as well. Tears soaked your pillow. Harry pulled you to his chest, catching you off guard. You took a deep breath, jolting awake and found you were crying even harder now.

“You promised...you promised..” You said, clenching fistfuls of his shirt in your hands.

“I know, I know I’m so sorry.” Harry cooed into your ear as he rubbed circles on your back.

***

Morning: Harry's Pov:

When Harry woke up the next morning, he felt two things. A pounding fucking headache. And a dull ache in his chest. He woke up to see the love of his life peacefully sleeping beside him. Memories of the previous night flooded his mind and he was reminded of how major he fucked up. He watched as she breathed in and out, soft snores escaping her. Her eyes were puffy and a little red from all the crying. It hurt him so much knowing how deeply he hurt her. He planted a kiss to her temple before slowly getting out of bed. He hopped in the shower, wanting so badly to turn back the hands of time. He knew last night she was thinking of her brother, of the promise she made him make 3 years ago.

Once he was out of the shower, he went back to change into some actual clothes and found she wasn't in bed. He went down stairs and found she was brewing a cup of coffee. There was some cut up fruit on the table and some yoghurt with granola. Even when she didn’t have to, when he completely expected her not to, she was still caring for him. His heart swelled, he was completely undeserving. He tried to sneak in without making any noise but as he walked in she was turning towards the door, catching his eye. They made eye contact briefly before she looked away. Ouch.

He didn’t want to say anything at first, wanted to give her time to think, but it took everything in him to not go over there and scoop her up in his arms and apologize 1000 times.

He sat down at the table, as did she. She sipped at her coffee while opening up her journal and began writing. He didn’t even try hiding the fact that he was staring at her from across the table. She was so full of love and light.

Fuck not saying anything.

Harry walked over to her, grabbing her hand, instructing her to stand up. She hesitated first before doing so. They stood in the middle of the kitchen, a few inches apart.

“What are you thinking about right now?” He said, reaching out to grab her hand.

“Honestly? I’m thinking about how my coffee needs a little more sugar.” She said, completely deadpan. Only when Harry chuckled did she give him a small smile. That smile disappeared before she spoke again, this time in a lower, cautious voice.

“I’m thinking you need to realize you aren't doing this alone anymore. That your life isn’t just centered around you, that I would be devastated if anything happened to you.That you are my sanity “

Harry cupped her face. Meeting her eyes.

“I know, I’m sorry I broke your promise. I’m not gonna make excuses for why I did what I did last night, I did it, and I can't change that. I just want you to forgive me.”

She lifted her chin, standing on her tippy toes for a minute to plant a small kiss to his cheek.

“I forgive you Harry.” She whispered. .

Harry wrapped his arms around her. He hurt the one he loves the most and he wouldn’t make that mistake again, a promise he made to himself.

“Might have to have a word with Mitch though.” She said smiling.

A laugh rumbled through Harry's chest.

#harry styles fluff #harry styles blurb #harry styles imagines #harry styles one shot #one direction #writing #solo harry #harry styles imagine #harry styles angst

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flashbackharry · 4 years

Text

Tw; Postpartum Depression

Call 1-800-944-4773 (4PPD)

English and Spanish or

Text a Message: 503-894-9453 if you are struggling with Postpartum Depression. This hotline is COMPLETELY confidential and available 24/7.

You sat down on the rocking chair with your 3 week old baby cradled in your arms. She looked so peaceful. You were so afraid of even moving an inch, careful not to wake her as you just got her to close her eyes. You never felt so exhausted in your life. Sleep was now a distant memory, you were moving through life in a forgetful haze.

You stared at your precious baby in your arms and a twang of hurt and absolute adoration tugged at your heart. There was no denying you loved this baby, she was now your entire heart-but there was a small piece of you that thought you couldn’t do motherhood. A small part of you buried deep, deep down. A small part of you that almost felt unworthy. Sometimes, when Harry was asleep and you just put her down you’d go into the bathroom, sink to the floor and sob. Turning the shower on to drown out your cries.

Harry was absolutely the best father you could have hoped for. But he didnt know how much you were struggling. Seeing him interacting with the baby seemed so easy, like besides singing, he was meant to take care of an infant. Your eyes swelled whenever you'd catch him in the nursery holding her even though she was already asleep.

“Just wanted to hold her.” He'd say with a raspy voice and you'd nod and walk back to your bedroom and go under the covers and try to hold everything back.

It's not like Harry didn’t notice your melancholy behavior. Ever so often he’d catch you staring off into space and within seconds he was in your line of sight.

“Everything okay?”

You’d give him a small smile and nod, telling him you were just tired. He’d hold you while you napped and whisper sweet nothings into your ear.

The day everything shifted was when Harry announced he'd be gone for a week. He had agreed to do a weeks worth of promo for his upcoming album. When he told you, your eyes widened and the anxiety settled in.

“A week?” you asked, trembling in your voice.

“Yeah I know it's not ideal, but it's only a week and I’ll be right back here.” He said washing some glasses in the sink, up to his elbows in soapy water. When you didn't say anything back he turned his head to you, his gaze met your teary eyes, and he noticed your palms were shaking. He took his hands out of the soapy water, grabbed a towel as he dried his hands off, all whilst walking towards you. He knelt in front of where you were sitting on the chair.

“Hey, hey what's going on bub”

He said softly, his hand went to lift your chin to meet his gaze.

You huffed and your breath came out shaky. How do you explain to him you were terrified of being left alone with your baby. How do you explain you couldn't do any of it without his help, to look out for you, but especially for the baby.

“Please don’t go, Harry, I c-can’t do this without you.” You hiccuped and suddenly the tears were coming on faster.

“Where's this coming from love?.” He cooed cupping your face.

You were getting frustrated. You moved Harrys hands off you and pushed back in your chair, standing up. Harry stood up and you were both now at eye level.

“Please! Harry just do this one thing for me pl-please.” You said through your sobs.

“Okay,okay. I won't go. I’m right here baby.” He said as he drew you closer to him and enveloped his entire body over yours. Clinging on to you like you'd crumble if he were to let go. He rubbed circles into your back, whispering everything would be okay in your ear and occasionally peppering kisses onto your forehead.

You stayed like that for a while before Harry finally felt okay letting you go. Your anxiety subsided, but it still lingered in the back of your mind. Only silent, slow tears leaving your eyes, you took a deep breath and let go of Harry. He looked up at you, concern laced his features, a mixture of worry and questioning haunted his eyes and you felt guilty for being the reason they were there.

Harry guided your shaky figure back to the dining table and pulled the chair out for you. You sat and immediately put your down on the cool granite.

Harry turned the kettle on and while he waited for it to boil, he walked over to your slumped figure, he massaged your back with his fingers and pressed kisses into your hair. He pulled a chair up right next to you and took your hands into his. Kissed each and every one of your finger tips.You raised your head and the two of you stared into each other's eyes. He looked tired and worried, you reciprocated the same look. You weren't crying anymore but the hurt still lingered deep in your chest.

“Wanna talk about it bub?” Harry asked.

You told him everything you felt in the past three weeks since you've had the baby. The hurt, the longing, the guilt. You told him about the crying sessions you've had in the bathroom late at night when he and the baby were fast asleep. About how you envied how easy all this came for him, how loving his child was easy for him; free of hurt and pain. About all the insecurities you had about being a mother.

Before you knew it you were crying again and Harry guided you to his lap. He cupped your face in his hand and wiped your tears away with the pads of his thumbs. You noticed he was crying as well. You kissed his salty tears away.

“Why did you tell me any of this was going on love? I'm so sorry this was happening and I didn’t pick up on it”

You pondered his question for a minute and the answer was on the tip of your tongue all along.

“I didn’t know how bad it was until the prospect of having to do it completely alone hit me.” You said,meeting his gaze.

You embraced each other for quite some time, forgetting all about the tea you planned to make.

“I’m sorry my love, we’re gonna get through this together. I’m not leaving your side.” He murmured into your neck.

“Would you be okay with seeing a therapist? You don’t have to do it alone, i’ll join if you want me to. I just want to make sure you’re getting help beyond what I can provide.” He asked, looking for any hint of hesitation in your eyes.

“Yes, I wouldn’t mind that. Not at all.” You breathed a sigh of relief, finally you were going to stare this thing straight in the eye. You just wanted your life back and now that seemed possible instead of terrifyingly daunting.

You heard the baby start to fuss over the monitor you had in the kitchen. You both stirred, untangling yourselves from each other.

“I got it.” Harry said but you took his hand and sat him back down.

“No no, it’s okay I got it bub.” You said, giving him a small smile and kissing his cheek. He turned his face so his lips met yours and you pinched his side before going up the stairs to the nursery.

Your baby was still fussing in the crib so you picked her tiny body up. Shocked at the sudden movement, she cried some more not long before smelling your familiar scent and calming down. You sat in the rocking share and this time saw hope instead of fear when looking at the love of your life in your arms.

“..Hey Jeff, yeah I cant fly out on Friday, might have to push back the promo stuff for a while.” You heard Harry say over the monitor.

“No everything is okay, just the missus and the baby really need me and i’m not comfortable leaving them for a week.” You felt saddened Harry had to push his album release back a few dates.

“They’re my entire world Jeff, thank you for understanding...yeah see you soon buddy, bye now.” Harry’s voice died out and suddenly you heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

Harry held a tiny baby bottle in his arms.

“I heard you on the monitor. I’m sorry Harry.” You said looking up at him as you took the bottle he was offering you.

“Nope, Up up please.” He gestured for you to get up off the rocking chair and he sat down, pulling you and the baby in your arms into his lap.

“None of that, I want to be here. That stuff can wait.”

“Are you sure? Everyone’s anticipating this album Harry.”

“Yeah I am too, but it would absolutely wreck me if I released it while everything wasn’t okay here. You two come first.Always.” He said kissing your daughter's cheek and resting his face on your neck.

“You are the best mother in the entire world.” He said.

“Right up there next to Anne.” He said smiling into the crook of your neck.

Things were going to be okay.

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