iamharryhale

[iamharryhale]

Buck: I have a crush on someone but I’m scared to say who.

Eddie: Just rip the bandaid off.

Buck: It’s Tommy.

Eddie: Put the bandaid back on.

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[iamharryhale]

Buck: Eddie’s chapstick tastes really good.

Hen: You guys kissed?!

Eddie: No, he took a bite of it.

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[iamharryhale]

Buck: Once again, if you’re praying on my downfall, please pray harder.

Chim: Since you insist, let’s wrap this shit up.

Eddie: Chim—

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[iamharryhale]

Tommy: My man gives the best head.

Eddie: On God he do.

Marisol:

Buck:

Tommy: The fuck?

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[iamharryhale]

Buck: Cooking together is not romantic, move out my fucking way.

Eddie, scrambling the eggs: What the fuck?

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[iamharryhale]

Buck: I’m a piece of trash.

Eddie: As someone who cares about the environment, I am obligated to pick you up. Is 7 okay?

Buck: You smooth motherfu— Yeah, 7

is fine.

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[iamharryhale]

Lena: Buck would throw himself in front of a moving car for you.

Eddie: Buck would throw himself in front of a moving car for fun.

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[iamharryhale]

The last one tho 💀

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[iamharryhale]

7 years old Chris: Alexa, can reindeers fly?

Alexa: No.

Buck and Eddie, who were sitting on the couch minding their own business, turn to look at Chris with horrified expressions in their faces:

Alexa: Reindeers cannot fly.

Chris, angry and disappointed: Santa Clause is not real?!

Eddie, panicking: Buddy, calm down! Don’t listen to her!

Buck: Yeah, Alexa does not know what she is talking about!

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[iamharryhale]

Buck: I would like to propose…

Eddie: *freezes*

Buck:… an idea.

Eddie: Oh.

Buck: We should get married.

Eddie: Oh—

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[iamharryhale]

Eddie: Really, Christopher? Really?

Chris: Dad—

Eddie: No, I have to ground you, I can’t believe it…

Eddie: I’m grounding you. You are grounded.

Chris: But—

Eddie: Nope, you are grounded. No tv.

Chris: My tv is broken.

Eddie: Well, no computer.

Chris: I need the computer for homework.

Eddie, looking around the living room: Fine, then…

Eddie, looking at Buck who’s standing behind Chris: Then no Buck.

Buck: Excuse you?! No Buck?!

Eddie: NO BUCK!

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[iamharryhale]

Hen: Alright, what happened?

Eddie:

Eddie: Buck told me he broke up with his girlfriend.

Hen: Ok, and?

Eddie: And I accidentally said “thank god” right to his face.

Hen:

Hen: Eddie—

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[iamharryhale]

Hen: So, why didn’t it work out between you and Taylor?

Buck: Well—

Eddie, without thinking: I sent him back to her with my handprints on his asscheeks, so…

Hen:

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[iamharryhale]

Taylor: You can’t spell ‘Independent’ without ‘Dependent’.

Eddie: And you can’t spell ‘Go fuck yourself’ without ‘Fuck you’.

Buck:

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[iamharryhale]

*Random person being mean to Buck during a call*

Eddie, to Hen: Here, hold my morals. I’ve got some sketchy shit to take care of.

Hen: Eddie, you have no morals.

Eddie: Even better.

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[iamharryhale]

Chim: I don’t think I’ve never seen Eddie cry.

Chimney to Hen: Have you ever seen him cry?

Chimney to Ravi: He’s never cried in front of me.

Buck without looking up from his phone: Yeah, in bed.

Buck: I was so good that he started crying.

Hen:

Ravi:

Chimney:

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[iamharryhale]

Buck: Have you heard the joke about the gaslighter?

Eddie: No…

Buck: Yeah, you have.

Eddie: No, I haven’t.

Buck: You’ve literally heard it already.

Eddie: NO, I HAVEN’T.

Buck: Yes, you have.

Eddie: I DON’T KNOW IT?!

Buck: You’re crazy.

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