lost-avocado
IVN
Just a regular guy traveling down Snake Way
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01.25.2022
Cheers to the new year!
It has been 6 months since my last post so I’m sure I have to catch you up to speed.
Jeanette and I are still together, not entirely sure yet if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. We’ve been together for a year and four months now, and I’m not even kidding you when I say it’s been one hell of a ride. We’re two different people trying to make things work for the sake of how much we love one another. We’ve been arguing nonstop but I feel like this past weekend we reached a milestone. Our arguments have gotten worse and worse, but because we have so much love for one another we were finally able to sit down and actually communicate as opposed to letting our anger do the talking. I’ll cut it short and just say that talking helped a lot in discovering what triggers us and what we expect from one another, but we’ve come to terms that if this arguing continues then we have to do what is best and you know what that means. For now we’ve been able to settle our differences and it just feels different now, it feels like we can finally be an actual couple instead of just each other’s poison.
But enough about my relationship, there are brighter things (sort of) that I want to talk about. For starters, I’m no longer in the food industry and have finally took my first step into the medical field. If you’re thinking that I passed my NCLEX well you’re wrong...unfortunately. I actually took the position as a Medical Assistant for a Nephrology group. I don’t want you to think that just because I took this job that I stopped studying for what I really want to become. This is just a foot in the door. I’m still trying to study to pass my license exam so that I can officially become a nurse. Its been stressful though. A lot of factors have played a role in making me feel like I’m either taking too long or just not smart enough for this. Learning a new set of skills, dealing with a always-angry-girlfriend, and parents who still treat you like a child takes a toll on me mentally. I feel small...very small, but I try my best to pick myself up, and with COVID around it doesn’t make things any less easier, but again...I’m doing my best to stay positive. I can say that with this new year, I haven’t seen much change yet. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know that I have to pick myself back up from being in the darkness. I want to talk about so much more but if I post all of it on one post then there would be nothing for me to talk about on this blog anymore.
I think I just wanted to update you on those two main topics, and plus my thoughts are all over the place so I think for now I’ll pause here...
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08.05.2021
Slightly confused...
Unsure if she’s the one...
There are days where I feel that yes! she’s who I want to spend the rest of my life with, and there are also days where I’m like “what am I still doing here with her?..”
I’m scared of making the same mistake I made in the past with Eileen, and I guess I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is really love or perhaps I’m just scared of being alone and missing that companionship.
Any advice?
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08.03.2021
Mentally drained..
I feel so tired of everything.. Working at my current job can be so draining, draining to the point that when I come home I barely have the energy to study.. I need to pass this exam..I need to... I can’t waste another year of just falling behind.
...I can’t give up, I won’t give up, but I’m just so exhausted...
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[07.26.21]
It’s been a while!
Trying to get into the habit of blogging more on a daily basis. I think the last time I posted was Wednesday? or think Friday? I’ll check later.
I’ve actually been feeling pretty good lately. The loss of motivation and low self-esteem are still there, but at least the depression has been improving! LOL
Slowly but surely regaining myself, but it’s still a work in progress. Definitely need to regain the motivation that I lost because without it I just feel like I don’t have that drive to want to be better. Biggest thing that has been on my mind is passing this damn NCLEX (in other-words, state boards for nursing). I’ve taken this exam three times and it has just been feeling impossible. I graduated at the end of December 2019, and then COVID happened so that didn’t make things any better. I keep feeling though as if what I’m saying are just excuses...
Maybe I’m not studying enough, maybe I’ve just been lazy, or maybe the fear of failing again has just kept me on edge...
I just think that at this point, me not passing this exam is just embarrassing. I see people who I graduated along side with already pass their exams last year and are happy working as nurses... why is it me who is stuck here?..
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The Introduction
The story of who I am could take forever so for the sake of boring anyone I’m going to keep it sweet and short.
I’m a 27 year old Latino male living in the amazing Windy City [773/312]. I have a huge appreciation and passion for art whether that’s through an image, music, dance, just anything that could be defined as a form of art! I also have a passion for helping others whether that be physically or mentally because as I said before I know what it feels to be helpless and feel as if there isn’t anyone reaching out for you. You’ll learn a lot more about my interests and hobbies through what I post and re-post so I’ll leave it at that.
If you want to get to know more about me then feel free to drop a question in the inbox! As some people say, “no question is a dumb question.” We’re all human-beings with a some kind of sense of curiosity and there’s nothing wrong with that so you can ask me whatever and I’ll answer with complete honesty.
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WELCOME!
Decided to hop back into Tumblr because I felt like I needed a space where I can gather all the thoughts in my head and let them run free.
I also decided that this blog will be public. I want to create a blog that screams "YOU ARE NOT ALONE" because I know how difficult it can be to actually be alone and feel as if no one understands you. I know what it's like to feel like you don't fit in or as if your interests don't align with society's "norms."
Consider this blog a safe haven for whenever you feel lost. Share your thoughts and I will share mine.
Through this blog you will get to know me and all of me, there are no limitations.
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